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just-some-random-blogger · 1 year ago

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Safe Keeping | 4

Part 1 2 3 4 5

"What say you, lady? Don't you think the Hound would make a fine husband? He would protect you, yes, and you would bear him many babes." I curtsy again but this time, my voice falters when I speak, "I- I think he would," I turn to my left, "Lord Sandor would make a fine husband... a fine father."

Sandor Clegane x Reader | 8k+ | cw: fem!reader, DEATH of characters/animals/monsters, POV shifts, mentions/depictions of violence, forced marriage, enemies to lovers, slow burn, angst, emotional unavailability, emotional constipation, miscommunication, The Hound being abrasive, canon typical casual misogyny/violence, themes/mentions of menstruation/pregnancy/miscarriage, baby fever, angst, typos, etc.

A/N: ❗❗please proceed this chapter with caution. i killed a bunch of characters/animals (well and monsters but i think deserve lmao)!!! ALSO POV SHIFTSS!!!! originally posted on ao3 but felt like posting it on here. also fyi i post this story on ao3 first

Tagging: @otteropera @poisonsage808 @glitterandgoldfinds @the-queen-of-sorrows @j3nn-1

The Hound found himself wrong about the thieving, wrong about the missing livestock. He was so wrong it nearly cost him lives, including his own.

He was so sure about himself when he went into the woods, so sure that he was going to find at least two men, at most five, luring sheep there. It was the men he was prepared for. Fuck the livestock, the farmers can get them back after he killed the fucks stealing them.

Ah, the farmers, barging into his wife's estate... into their house, into house Clegane.

Fuck 'em, fuck the lot of them, complaining again, complaining about their sheep and their cows. He had enough of their yapping, now was the time to act.

Fuck 'em twice for being shocked when he said he'd go into the forest to kill the fucker causing all of them trouble.

The superstitious peasants warned him. The Hound heard; he even humored them by letting a few spring chickens, boy-soldiers in the making, 'aid' him as he went to the forest.

Between the young farmer's lad, Andrew, and the man-boy, Carter, who he had been training be a soldier, it was actually the Hound who was the one most frightened by that thing that stared back at them.

It looked as though it was twice his damn size. It was darker than tar, and stinkier than shit. It made an unholy sound before attacking them.

He doesn't remember what happened after that in all honesty. His instincts kicked in and he can't recall what he had done. All he knew was, in the end, the two boys were cheering and dragging a black corpse all the way back out of the woods.

The villagers looked at him. They walked towards him and shouted. It was not an unfamiliar greeting-- being pursued by villagers, and yet, it shakes him; it takes him off-guard. They come upon him and begin to weep at his feet. They thank him. They thank them as they hug each other. The thank him as they wave at him. They thank him as they touch his armor like a devout would touch an idol.

The Hound is perturbed.

"Thank you, milord! You killed the beast!"

"You saved our sheep!"

"You saved our families!"

"You saved our lives!"

The Hound was never one to back down, but Sandor found himself taking steps back when a group of children ran up to him and began to ask him how he killed it. Their little hands and big eyes demanded answers from him. His insides rise up to his mouth.

The children begin to talk about how they can go to the woods now.

"Oi!" Carter calls to the ones in front the Sandor, "you do know there's more than one woodland monsters, aye?!"

"But now milord Cligay killed one! He'll teach us how to kill the o'vers."

"It's Clegane. Lord Clegane! And even then, you buggers can't just play in the forest. The brown bears still live here."

"I haven't seen a brown bear!" a little girl cries out. She looks to the Hound, walking up to him, grabbing his hand, "there aren't any brown bears in the woods, right, milord?"

Sandor looks at the small thing. His hand burns at her touch. Her hand was not even hot, not even big enough to grasp half his palm and yet he feels lightheaded. He feels like he's going to pass out.

The Hound finds their sentiment to be all too much at one point. He grumbles he's going home; he's got much work to do. The villagers thank him as he leaves.

When he gets home, just as he gets near the gate, he beholds Lady Clegane, the people's champion, his poor bride. She is outside, speaking to some peasants; it was all she did as of late.

A breeze blows and her dress dances with the wind. Her hair follows as well, and along goes the air from his lungs.

She is the sun. He is a mountain trying to reach her.

Sandor, who hadn't realized that he stopped in his place to gawk, is shaken out of his trance when the stable boy opened the gates for him. The small child named Polly, about as old as his wife when she fled this place, nods at him and motions, "pardon, milord," he says nervously, "I didn't know you were waiting for me to open the gates."

The Hound looks at the boy as he walks in, "I wasn't," he gruffs, eyeing him as he passed, "don't worry about it, laddie."

Lord Clegane looks away from the stable boy when he hears the shrill cry of a babe. He spots the maester walking over to his wife with a wailing child in his arms.

He thinks about the letter he had to write to the Citadel, requesting a maester come to Brown Wood.

Lady Clegane thinks her husband's initiative for it stems from his sense of duty as a Lord, but she'll never know he did it for her, for her to know if she really did have a late blood cycle, or if she lost a baby. Maester Yannick told him it was, regretfully, the latter.

The Hound waited for his lady wife to tell him about it, to ask him to hold a mourning ceremony for the unborn child. She never did.

Sandor watches Lady Clegane willingly embraces the woman who thanked her up and down, over and under, for saving her baby. She tells the weeping woman that it was not her work but maester Yannick that saved the babe. Maester Yannick says it was not his work but the gods.

Sandor tastes something putrid in his mouth when his wife coos at the child, who immediately calmed when the maester reunited the small thing to mama. His insides tingle at the sound of his lady's laugh.

He curses under his breath when she turns to him. He realizes then he had stopped in his tracks again.

The Hound begins his march.

Lady Clegane greets him, but he is not strong enough to reply with a greeting himself. He doesn't know why he stops to tell her that he killed a woodland monsters though. She looked very shocked after hearing that.

He wonders if she was disappointed. He wonders if she wanted him dead.

She touches him and questions if he was injured. Sandor flinches and steps back. She recoils her hand quickly and wipes it on her skirt-- disgusted.

The Hound says she shouldn't worry her pretty squirrel head, then walks away.

His footsteps are heavy as he heads to his office. He didn't want to go through the fucking endless piles of paperwork, but the apprentice he had couldn't grasp basic mathematics quite yet, so, there he went, to go through paperwork in a musty office.

He wonders if doing this shit made a difference to her, or if she'd always see him for what he was: a groom, forced upon her as a joke from a stupid blonde boy; a beast with ill features and temper; a Hound.

He is almost tempted to look over his shoulder at the loud sound of baby's laughter. He doesn't, cause he wouldn't see anything but a wall of he did anyway.

He wonders when she'd ask him again, when she'd ask for a child from him.

He promises he'd be gentler this time, gentler.

He doesn't mean to be so rabid with her.

She just had such an ablaze spirit, she was so fierce, and so vivid that he found himself wanting to devour her whole-- a true predator.

He wishes he could be more than that. He could be more than that to her, but it's so hard to fill in to be someone you're not. The Hound was not a proper lord, he was not that pretty boy Alistair. He can only do so much.

Sandor would do much and more for her than that scrawny, faerie pretty-boy ever could.

She might not like it, but he'll do his best to give her what she wants, to give her a family in stead of the one she lost. She will never love him, but he knows she'll love all the children he could give her, and that was more than enough, more than he could ever hope for or deserve.

I carefully walk up to the office, clutching my hands together as I prepare myself to knock on the door.

I clear my throat and retell myself what I mean to tell my husband. My palms begin to gush like geyser. I dread the fight I know will be had because of this topic.

I let out a soft gasp when someone calls me from behind.

It was the stable boy, Polly. He had run up to bow and greet me good morning. I smile at him and reach out to him. I brush his hair back, "good morrow, Polly, dear."

The boy grins and bows again, "I'll be learning how to ride a horse soon, milady!"

I link my hands together as I chuckle, "my! Will you now? How awfully courageous of you."

The boy pushes his shoulders back, "it's no'ffin, milady. Just what a man ought to do. I would go to war for you, milady, I would!"

"My boy," shake my head, "I pray you never need to do such a thing. I hope you enjoy riding though. I find that I do not."

"Do you find riding scary? I wouldn't! I'll let you ride with me once I know how, promise," the boy nods as he places a hand on his chest.

"You are very kind," I smile, "I thank you for it, Polly."

The boy puffs his chest out and bows, "I'll be goin' then, milady!"

I chuckle as I watch Polly run off as quick as a rabbit.

My soul nearly leaves me when I turn around and see the Hound looming over me.

I gasp and step back. He reaches out to me and grabs my arm. He keeps me upright and leans down, "you better stop calling the boy dear." He releases me and begins to walk off, "he's already in love with you as is."

I blink rapidly at his words. I turn to him and watch him march away before scurrying after, "he's a child."

"Aye," says Sandor, "all the children adore you."

My stomach curdles at his words; I am unsure why. I rub my hands together, not sure what to make of myself, or what to reply.

"What were you doing outside my office?" he asks.

I run up in front of him and grab his arm, "there is something I needed to discuss with you."

Sandor stops. He looks at my hand on his arm, "can't it wait?"

I pull my hand away and shake my head, "I understand that you are very busy, my lord, but I-"

"Fine," he mutters, "I'll lay with you tonight."

My eyes widen and I topple back at his words, "what?"

The Hound steps forward, keeping me upright again, "that's why you're here, aren't you?" He releases me, "your bloods have waned."

I feel my face burn. I gulp and force a smile, "I-" I chuckle nervously and straighten up, "y-yes. My bloods have waned."

Sandor watches me closely.

I rub my neck and blink rapidly, "I thank you for your thoughtfulness," I dig my thumb nail into my pointer finger. I turn from my feet then to Sandor, "but that is not what I wished to speak about."

His face falls. It's not anything noticeable but I have become quite good at it, reading his face. He purses his lips then says, "be done with it then, I've got work to do, pretty squirrel."

I feel my face burn even more at his horrible nickname.

A group of women had been complimenting my dress when the Hound passed. I knew they did not know he would react that way, but it did not help the embarrassment I felt when the women asked my husband if he thought my dress suited me and he replied 'pretty for a squirrel'.

"I wanted to tell you that I... I still very much wish to be the one to speak to the people about their concerns," I am unable to look at him when I say this, "it is not because I think you are unfit for the task, my lord, but I have seen the way you act around them."

"Like a dog?"

I knit my brows deeply and look to him, "Daisy is a dog. And I love her very much."

"That makes one of us."

We stare at each other for a long, blistering moment. My throat constricts at his words, "... Sandor."

His face contorts. He scoffs and averts his gaze, "don't say my name like that."

My heart begins to race, it twists and clenches. I step forward and reach out to him, "I see how you try to listen, how you try to help, but it scares you-"

I gasp when he rips his arm away before I can even touch him. He grabs me instead though, ripping me close as he leans down, "I'm not scared of peasants."

My eyes water. It's not even because his grip hurt, but because it was as painfully clear as it could get that this man did not like me at all, no matter what I did.

The Hound mutters softly, "do what you wish," he releases my arm, "you want to do my work so badly then? Fine. I didn't want ya to do anything you're not meant to, but have it your way."

I scratch my eyes before my tears could fall. I try to look at him as I speak, but the tears threaten to fall when I do. Instead, I fix my eyes on the floor, "I do not do this to upset you, Hound. I do this because I mean to help you. I swear it."

He is deeply disturbed by the softness in which these words are spoken. Hearing himself be called Hound was unreasonably heart piercing.

"I do not like it when you are angry," I whisper, "it would have been fine if it was only directed at me, but you spur everyone around you."

I flinch when he calls my name.

I shake my head, "if it pleases you, lord, I will do as you said the other day. I will no longer speak to you. I will not bother you. I will not stand in your way." I step back and pick at my fingernails.

Sandor holds back from stepping forward.

"Maester Yannick has been giving me herbs to help with conception, but he said that I should be in good spirits when... consummating... I do not think we should do anything tonight--" I look to him through my wet lashes, "unless you want to--"

"No, I do not," he says coldly.

I gulp. Tears begin to stream down my face. My lips quiver. I shudder. Of course he doesn't want me.

I curtsy and walk off. I break into a sprint after a few steps, as I am no longer able to hold in my sobs.

Sandor watches this. He furrows his brows, unnerved by the interaction, gutted by the fact it ended in tears yet again. He replays the conversation. Was his touch truly that hard? He looks at his hand. He curses loudly and storms off to fuck all.

Sandor wakes before the sky does. He opens his heavy lids and sighs. He turns to his right on instinct; he watches his wife stretch out her arms in the expanse of nothingness between them. He likes to think that she is reaching out to him. He likes to think that if he reaches back, it'll make everything fine between them.

But then again, it had never been fine between them in the first place.

He makes sure not to touch or move her. Last time he did, she woke up. She truly was a light sleeper.

He slowly gets up. He quickly gets dressed. The moment he gets out of the room, he heads to his office.

He's finished his work by the time he hears a dog barking. He looks to the window, the sun looks back at him. He stands, stretches, and walks over to the sill, pushing the curtains open. He sees her, Lady Clegane, cuddling the mutt she named Daisy. Fucking Daisy. Polly, the stable boy was waving a stick, but the bitch could not care less about it, too preoccupied by her master.

He watches Daisy lick her neck. He watches how she scolds the dog for it but giggles anyway. Sandor sniffles. His mind wanders to the one time he had his face pressed on her neck like that.��Fucking dog.

He watches the pair go inside. The Hound heads to the dining room promptly after.

He mutters to himself, trying to decide how to start, "I don't meant to make you cry-- I keep making you cry-- Fuck-- .... I know you don't like me," he stops in his tracks before he can get to his destination. He mutters to himself some more.

Fuck it.

He hears the telltale patter of Daisy's paws. It makes his fingers tingle.

When he gets to the dining room, he furrows his brows at the emptiness.

Lucy gasps at the sight of him. She topples back then regains her composure. She puts the plate of food she was holding down on the table with a bang. She looks at him and curtsies, "your food, milord."

"Where is she?"

Lucy's glare darkens, "she is dining with the servants."

He chuckles drily. He feels disappointment. He feels hurt. He immediately plays it off, "pretty squirrel's finally had enough of me."

"WILL YOU STOP CALLING 'ER THAT!" Lucy bursts, taking the Hound off-guard.

They both stare at each other, as if equally as shocked by the outburst.

Lucy fumes. Sandor freezes. The former decides she's already spoken, so she might as well continue, "she is a lady! You took her for this," she motions vaguely. "You need her," she speaks firmly, "just as much as she needs you."

The Hound scoffs. His insides burn and curdle at the idea of the little girl needing a beast to keep her safe. He snaps, "well, go ahead and tell her I will gladly be her hound and breed her little monsters as thanks for her nice, warm castle!"

Lucy makes no attempt to hide the revulsion she feels at the sound of the hound's words.

"You know what," he snarls, "why don't I breed her right now as a thank you?"

Lucy's face drops. She runs up to the Hound when he begins to storm off. She crumples like paper when he shoves her away. He doesn't do it hard enough that she shoots off to the table, but it's enough for her to get the message: he was deadly strong.

Lucy does her best to stop him. She cries and begs and screams. She digs her heels into floor and yanks him back but it doesn't do much, it doesn't do anything.

The Hound only stops when he finally sees her.

Lady Clegane is laughing with the servants as they watch Daisy roll on her belly for food. She feeds the dog just as Lucy runs up in front of him, severely distraught and tear stained. Lucy pushes her hands on his chest and begs him to punish her instead.

The Hound is sickened when Daisy runs up to him and whines. He recoils his hand when the bitch licks it.

"Lucy?"

Sandor flinches at the sound of his wife's voice and turns the other way.

I was in the middle of playing fetch with Daisy when she caught wind of something and ran off to the gate. Usually, this meant Sandor was home. Lo and behold, this moment was not any different.

I turn away immediately when we lock gazes.

The Hound had a large cut of meat on his shoulder. He grunts as Daisy barks and runs up to him, "fuck off, bitch."

He does his best to avoid the dog, nudging her away firmly with his leg as he walks up to a wagon and plops the hind of a cow on there. He hisses at Daisy when she gets on her two back legs and rests one good leg and bad one on his hips.

"Daisy!" I call.

She ignores me.

Sandor looks over his shoulder, "your mam's calling you, dog. Go on!"

Daisy clearly doesn't understand, or doesn't care, and barks at Sandor when he shoves her away.

"Daisy!" I call and jog up to her when she follows Sandor out of the estate. I run up to the gate and watch as she is chased by the Hound. She runs as fast as her three paws will allow, clearly enjoying what she thought to be a game.

"Come here, you stupid bitch!" the Hound screams.

I turn to one of the men near me. I call Arron over and tell him to tell the Hound not to chase after her. He does just that, "milord! She will stop running if you stop chasing!"

I make a face as Lord Clegane curses and does his final attempt at catching the dog.

"Shall I bait Daisy with some meat, milady?" Arron asks.

I am about to respond but then there is a loud shriek from afar. It makes my blood go still.

The Hound immediately stops, straightens up, and looks at the distance.

I turn to Arron in a panic and tell him to get bait for Daisy. He quickly does that and calls for the dog to come back.

A bunch of peasants run and scream towards the estate; they scream milord.

Sandor goes to them.

When he reaches the panicked townspeople, he tells them all to shut the fuck up and explain what's happening. The old one clamours out that her daughter's been taken, says she was herding the cows then she was suddenly screaming, and he tried to reach her but it was too late. He says his son went to the woods to try and save her sister.

The Hound nods. He easily decides to go into the woods. The man's other son to leads the way.

In truth, the boy didn't have to go with him, he could just head to where the animals were fleeing, but he allowed it because he recognized the boy to be one of the ones in training. He has no idea what his name was though.

He was glad to hear the screams when he did, at least the ones that sounded human.

The Hound sees a lad and a lass running up to him, "RUN WHILE IT'S DISTRACTED!"

The boy by his side screams back, "the Hound is here! He's going to kill it!"

Well, Sandor was only meant to save the girl, and now that the girl was about to run past him, he didn't have to do anything, really. For some reason, he felt compelled to press on. Maybe it was the lack of his sense of self-preservation as of late, or no, don't call it that; it was his need for a distraction, his need prove something.

He sees it, the monster and its fresh kill. It must have been one of the girl's cows, or at least what was left of it. Gods, the abomination was a messy eater. He was glad, at least, it seemed to be starved and solely focused on eating.

His boots stomp into a puddle of blood when he charges at the thing and cuts its head off. That's was quick... and simple...

He's shocked when he hears a hellish scream behind him and gets knocked into a tree.

The Hound is dazed. He hears the battle cry of two voices. He watches the brothers do their best to stab at the thing that towers and claws at them. He promptly gets on his feet and charges at the disgusting fuck, managing to chop off its arm before it chops off the boy's head.

Just as he thinks he's about to get the upper hand, another vile beast pops up from the shadows. He fixes his footing and slashes his sword for his life.

One of the boys get injured. The boy's scream attract the monsters towards him, allowing the Hound to stab through one of them when it's attention is averted.

By the time one of the two vile cretins drop to the ground, the two boys are running for their lives with one monster on their tail. The Hound is forced to chase after them and curses the boys for running. He's not as quick as he was before.

He screams and grabs a rock, chucking it at the slimy tar creature. He throws and shouts some more until the monster is turned back and running towards him.

He slashes the stupid fuck with his sword when its close enough. It still picks a fight though.

He's losing his breath.

The next thing he knows, there's another monster screaming from behind him. The Hound prepares for the one behind him, but it doesn't reach him because its busy ripping something off it with a growl. It chucks something to the side. There is a separate whine that hisses with the wind.

The Hound finally kills the first monster that attacked him. It doesn't take much for him to kill the other as its belly was already gushing with viscous blood.

Once he's the only thing alive and standing, catches his breath and curses. He looks upon the fallen black creatures before him and reckons he ought to get out there before more come out.

But then he hears a rustle to his side. He immediately goes on the defensive and readies for another fight.

He follows the sound of heavy breathing.

His face drops when he hears the way the dog whines when he's spotted.

The Hound sheathes his sword and drops to his knees. He looks at Daisy, her one front paw bent, the other one not. Her hind legs were twisted unnaturally, her side was clawed. She was soaking in red, both hers and otherwise. She was panting and quickly losing blood.

Sandor reaches out to her. Her eyes were wide and teary. She leans into Sandor's touch and licks her nose in a panic.

He begins to feel a rage burn in him. He begins to feel loathe. He whisper-yells, "you stupid dog. You should have stayed home."

Daisy's breath quickens. He realizes see that she is trying not to whine. Gods, the pain she must be in.

He is about to tell her she was stupid for doing that, he is about to tell her she didn't need her help, he is about to tell her she was so fearless for no reason, but then Daisy whines. It was the most horrible thing he's ever heard.

Sandor huffs like he had been stabbed. He grips his hilt tightly, "thank you for saving me, Daisy."

Sandor screws his eyes shut and decides on what he has to do.

He draws his sword. Daisy does not flinch when he presses the sword onto her neck. He thinks about the day they'd first met.

Fearless.

He strokes her face with his hand once. He screws his eyes shut when he feels her shiver.

So afraid.

"You're a good dog."

His next stroke pulls Daisy's final breath.

The Hound stands. He looks upon his dog.

He screams.

He screams, hell-bent on summoning more monsters. He kills three more stupid fuck, particularly enjoying how he butchered killing a young one.

He takes Daisy's body after. She is rigid against his chest when he reaches the village. He barks out an order to the villagers: burn those fucking monsters he killed. They were more than happy to oblige.

He passes the family he had helped. They are about to come up to thank him but they don't when they see what was in his arms.

He is swarmed with dread with what he is faced with when he reaches the estate. It was very clearly as search party for Daisy.

"SANDOR!" I cry out when I spot him from the distance. "DID YOU SEE DAISY WHEN-" I stop myself when I realize he is covered in blood. Suddenly, I feel awful for not asking him if he was injured before anything else.

His form becomes clearer as I jog up to him and call, "ARE YOU AL-"

I stop in my tracks when I see him adjust something in his arms. I knit my brows and continue walking towards him. Was it a head of a monster? Why was it brownish and not black?

The Hound gives me a solemn look as he inches closer. I furrow my brows at his expression.

It takes a second then suddenly, it clicks.

I let out a horrified cry.

The Hound buries Daisy in the garden himself. Everyone in Brown Wood watches. I force a glance at my poor dog, even though I wanted to do nothing but turn away. Her injuries chill me to the bone. Lucy stands beside me, clutching my arm as she weeps, but does not look at Daisy once.

Maester Yannick speaks some words for her, as per my request, before Sandor covers the grave.

Once it was done, maester Yannick comes to me and says he will plant daisies at her grave come morrow. I cannot find solace, I cannot find myself to care.

"Did you have to slit her throat?!" I demand lowly, voice aching and angry. I eye the Hound with hot contempt and cynicism, "was there REALLY no saving her?!"

"My lady," the maester holds me back, "I saw her body. Lord Clegane showed her mercy."

"Did you enjoy executing your mercy?!" I wail, ripping my arms away from Lucy and Yannick. My gaze does not trail to them at all, as I am intent on getting answers from my dog's executioner.

The Hound's face is blank, it enrages me.

I snarl through tears, "gods, I hope you did! I hope you savored finally being free of your bitch!"

Lucy calls after me as when I storm away. She means to run after me but shoots a glare at the Hound before doing so. She is momentarily stunned when he sees how distraught he looks at the moment.

Sandor marches out of the estate.

I jolt awake when I hear the front door opening. I wipe my face and quickly stand from the chair in the middle of the living space. The fireplace near me had already burned out.

After the sound of locks disappear in the darkness, I take the unlit candle on the table beside me and walk up to the burning candelabra to light it.

I hear heavy footsteps draw closer.

Boots skid, "fuck."

I look up after lighting my candle. The Hound looks back at me.

"What are you doing?"

I purse my lips and turn to my feet. I clutch my candle, finding it hard to speak.

"Lucy kick you out of her bed?" he mutters then begins to walk off.

I look up and follow after him. I finally muster out, "you arrive later and later."

He scoffs.

"It's been five days. I fear you'll not return by the tenth."

I pull my head back and stop in my tracks just as the Hound turns and chuckles, "don't worry, little girl. I like the wages of a Lord. Your hound isn't running."

"I know you're not running!" I snap, "I wonder why you think so poorly of yourself!"

"I think poorly of myself?" he hisses and points to his chest.

"Yes!" I bark and push myself up on my tiptoes to prove a point, "and since you are so keen to put words in my mouth, I hope you shove all the fucking pie the unwitting peasants gave you down your blasted throat!"

The Hound is shocked by my profanity. His face slips into confusion.

I heave and pull back, intent on walking away. And I do. I should have never waited for him.

"What fucking pie?"

I snap and turn back at him, "the one you could have eaten fresh had you spared a moment this morning before leaving for a monster hunt!"

Sandor is wholeheartedly confused.

I am aggravated by his expression. I wave my hands, unintentionally putting out the flame of my candle, "they love you, Hound! They're thankful and grateful!"

Though it was darker now, I see his face pinch in to a sort of disgusted disbelief. The sight infuriates me, it squeezes my heart, it pricks me frustration. I wipe my face and repeat the words that were spoken to me, "tell Lord Clegane that without him my children would be dead. Tell Lord Clegane that he has saved me family from hunger. Tell Lord Clegane that me, and my sons, and my sheep are happy to-"

"I didn't do it for them," Sandor cuts me off with a hand raise.

I purse my lips and slowly pull my head back at his words.

He lowers his hand and eyes me for a moment. I see how his gaze drinks my figure. He clenches his jaw and looks away, "you should be asleep."

My jaw slacks.

I wait for him to look at me. I wait for him to ask if I was going to sleep with Lucy again. I wait for him to apologize for keeping me up worrying. I wait for him to bring up Daisy. I wait him to do something, but he doesn't.

My eyes water, "my lo-"

"Good night," he dismisses and turns around to walk away.

"Aren't you-" my voice cracks, "-going to ask me to go to bed with you?"

He stops in his tracks. He does not look back, "do you want me to?"

I furrow my brows deeply. I feel like I was drowning. I let out a shaky breath and wrap my arms around myself. I shake my head and turn away. I chuckle dryly, "forgive me for even asking."

Sandor turns back, jaw hanging, hands clenched. He does nothing but watch.

"Do you know what's going to happen now, little girl?"

"Yes."

"What's going to happen?"

"You're going to fuck me."

Sandor laughs lowly, placing his hands on my cheeks. He swipes his thumb on my lips, "filthy mouth."

He kisses me deeply.

"Tell me honest," he mutters through kisses, "have you ever done this before?" he speaks as his hands paw at my sides, "I would not judge you if you did."

I squeak when he touches me between my thighs.

He draws out a deep breath, "no, of course you haven't; you're a good girl."

I gasp at the sound of thunder. I jolt up from my bed-- I turn to my side, seeing a sleeping Lucy's form-- or I mean, Lucy's bed. I look for Daisy in the room as I slowly push the blankets off me. I still when I realize she wasn't here.

I huff and wipe my face. I try to push away the thoughts of Daisy out of my head. I try not to think of her so much because I end up melancholy and furious. I, instead, find myself drifting to the dream I just had-- been having.

The mind can be so treacherous. I nibble my lower lip and rub my belly.

I tried, you know. I went to the Hound the morning after we fought about his coming home late. I tried to make peace with him. I tried to persuade him. I tried to kiss him.

I gasp again when another crack of thunder echoes through the room.

He wasn't having it though. He pushed me away and told me it was wrong, that we shouldn't be doing that. He left the estate shortly after. He hasn't been home since.

I get out of bed and light a candle for myself. I walk to my bedroom and light any of the candles that went off on my way. I wrap my arms around myself and rub my skin. I open the door to room as softly as possible, though it didn't really matter in the end because it was pouring outside and the noise wouldn't be loud.

With a barely audible creak, the door opens.

And it was also empty.

I sigh at the made bed. I walk towards it and smoothen out the already smooth sheets. I decide to get dressed for the day.

I head to the office, which as empty as the bedroom. I light the candles there.

I sit down on the desk and go through the papers, the letters of requests, the list of complaints, the finances, the works. I rub my eyes, willing my sleep away. I look out my window, seeing barely any hint of sun through the dark clouds.

I don't know how exactly how much time passed between then and when Arron burst in, but it must have been a while, considering how nice it felt to stand after hearing him shout, "HE'S HOME, MILADY!"

I immediately blow out the candles as Arron tells me the Hound was in the living area. I thank him for telling me, gather my skirts, and jog out of the room.

I cannot hear the click of my heels over the sound of the persisting rain-- the persisting storm.

I stop in my tracks when I see a trail of water in the corridor that led to my bedroom.

A crack of lightning bolts through the sky when I walk in and ask "where have you been?!"

The Hound is dripping in rain water. He has his back turned to me. He is undoing his armor.

I clench my fists and storm up to him. I circle in front of him the same time he walks towards the closet. He stops there, still undoing his armor, back turned to me again.

I scowl, "Hound! I'm speaking to you!"

He looks over his shoulder, the one he was trying to undo, "what? I can't hear you over the rain."

I burn hot with anger and march up to him, "I asked where you've been!"

The Hound looks down at me. He releases the grip on his shoulder, "does it matter where I've been?"

"Yes!" I snap, "you haven't come home in 7 days."

He scoffs, "thrilling to know you've been counting," he points to the window, "well, as you can see, it's fucking storming."

"It wasn't storming the day you left," I hiss.

"Well, it was when I decided to come to my beautiful wife," he leans down and jeers.

I knit my brows at him and pull back when I smell the alcohol in his breath.

He takes my chin between his fingers, "come on give us a smile."

I pull away from him, heart racing, chin burning, even though his touch got my skin damp with rain water.

The Hound straightens up and undoes his armor again.

I step away from him, "Job said he saw you in the next town over."

"Who the fuck is Job?" he asks, not bothering to look at me.

"Polly's father."

"The stable boy?" he turns to me.

"Yes," I hiss and I feel anger build up in me.

He says nothing.

I nearly choke when I say the next words, "he said he saw you coming out of brothel."

The Hound stills. He drops his hands to the side.

Both of us just stand there for a moment. The rain seems to intensify, and so does the tension between us.

"Tell me the truth," I mutter, "do you-"

"It was the town with the fucking unavailable inn," he shifts in his spot to turn to me, "I went to the brothel instead and paid for lodging there."

I purse my lips at his words. That was not what I was going to ask him. I battle with myself, trying to find the words I want to say. I revise my words over and over again in my head. There were so many things I wanted to say, yet so little ways to make it easy to speak out.

I shake my head, "am I very hard to want?"

Sandor feels rain water drip from his fingers.

I don't know how I feel about the bewildered and perplexed expression that spreads across his face. I do know one thing at least, I feel too exhausted to cry.

I sigh and shrug, "I am no fool, Hound. I learned through the gossip of my maids and my aunts growing up that men are simply like... this. It is their nature to stray. Of course, I hoped different for myself, but we cannot have it all, can we?"

"But I didn't do anything," he snaps. He deflates, "I swear by the gods, old and new."

I press my lips into a tight smile. I slowly walk up to him. He watches me intently. I hear his breath hitch when I begin to undo his armor for him. I half expect him to make me stop. He doesn't.

Sandor steps forward. There's barely any space between us anymore. His heart is racing. His hands itch to touch. He releases a breath when his hand comes to my side.

My stomach swirls at the feel of his palm but I do nothing. Neither do I look at him when I mutter, "maybe you should."

Sandor watches me remove his armor. He furrow his brows and whispers, "what?"

I drop the steel plate to the ground with a clank. It is loud even with the sound of pouring rain.

He doesn't like it when he receives no reply. He takes my wrist. I stop my task. His hand is warm albeit the dampness, and so very gentle.

I finally look up at him.

He leans closer and speaks louder. He shakes his head and furrows his brows, "what did you say, pretty squirrel?"

I raise my brows, "maybe you should."

"Should what?"

"Do something in the brothels."

His face falls. We stare at each other for a moment. He is clearly in disbelief.

I pull my hand out of his grip. He almost doesn't let me.

"It's not a trick, I swear it."

"What are you saying?" he shakes his head faster and finds himself playing on the offensive, "you want me to be with someone else?!"

"I want a baby," I mutter.

Sandor's face falls again, but then it twists. It is unbearable to look at.

"Find a woman you desire," I turn away from him, "and give her your seed. You may keep her here if you like, and I will let her take care of the babe, but the babe will be mine."

His lips part.

"You're right. I don't want the memory of my family to be tainted by monstrosity-"

He shakes his head once more.

"-and I am the last of my line. My line lives on with House Clegane. People remember names, not blood."

He takes my hand, "I desire you."

I cannot help it. I begin to cry because of that. I break into both tears and laughter, "you needn't shield my heart, Sandor."

Sandor's stomach drops, both at the fact his own words have been used against him and with how his name was spoken.

I place a hand on his cheek.

His knees go weak.

"We've both hurt enough," I smile, "I know you think otherwise, but I'm not a little girl. I know sometimes winning means admitting defeat when the loss is great."

He grabs both my wrists when I try to pull away. I gasp when he does so. He holds me for a second then releases my wrists to capture my cheeks instead. He wipes my tears with his thumbs. He swipes my lips, "I love you."

I screw my eyes shut and cling onto his forearm. I let out another laugh, "I don't think you hurt people that you love, my lord."

The Hound is pierced through his armor.

He doesn't put up a fight when I pull his hands off me.

I continue to undo his armor. He doesn't move an inch.

"Will you sleep with me tonight?" he whispers. The sound of the rain is too loud that only him and the gods heard it.

Sandor had been out of it ever since his pretty squirrel ate his insides. He was thick faced, literally and figuratively; he's learned to take pride in it, to find solace in the fact all the years of flesh ripping torture-- figuratively and literally, had made him indifferent to what people think, made him apathetic, numb.

And yet her smile that day was worse than a sword through the spleen. Her disbelief in his words-- because she was right, you don't hurt people you love-- was heart wrenching, blood draining.

What do you say to that? How do you fix that?

You don't.

He knows you don't. You can't fix something like that.

And since this truth has dawned on him, since this truth has slit his throat, he's been a headless, mindless fucker. He was a dead man walking, and one more unwitting monster attack away from making it real.

"MILORD!" Carter cries, raising his sword to hack at the monster who managed to swipe his lately-been-aloof Lord Clegane.

The boy is fired up; his blood is pumping enough to enable him to cut the black demon's arm off and sequentially pierce it through its heart. Carter does it with a scream and regrets it a moment later; after all, they were in the middle of the woods.

They have to get out of here.

Sandor makes a pained noise. He feels heat surge down his arm and cold shiver up his spine.

"YOU'RE BLEEDING!" Carter gasps, mortified that his lord's armor was scraped off his back. The boy realizes suddenly that his Lord, the fearsome Hound, was not invincible. This newfound truth rips into his ribs the way, he thinks, the monsters would.

The boy immediately takes the Hound in his arms, though it wasn't like he could actually carry him if he wanted. Sandor steadies himself on the boy; Carter struggles even with that task.

Still, the smaller manages to support his Lord out of the woods.

The next thing Sandor knows, he's screaming and thrashing. He vaguely hears the sound of footsteps skidding away from him.

"What's happening, Maester Yannick?!"

A deep sigh, "he probably feels the pain now."

Sandor realizes he's sat down on a stool, leaned against a table, or at least he was before he started flailing his arms around. He lets out a guttural cry as he pushes himself up. He realizes he's in the ward, being attended by the maester, and his wife was present and very troubled.

"My lord!" Yannick exclaims, raising his hands in both surrender and an attempt to soothe, "it's alright. I have stitched your wounds closed. Do not tear them open "

Sandor huffs through his nostrils. He turns to his side when he hears the soft way his name was spoken. Lady Clegane walks closer, hand wanting to reach out to him. He almost reaches back but then she digs her nails into her palms.

He sinks into the stool and watches her look at him. Her eyes are glassy. Why are they always glassy?

"My lord," Yannick walks towards him, "I'm going to wrap your wounds now."

Sandor huffs in agreement, or more accurately, acknowledgement. His eyes are still fixed on her though. He watches her hover around him, evidently unsure about approaching him.

He wants to reach out to her. He wants to touch her, to soothe her so, so badly.

He's shocked when she decides to take his hand and whispers, "shall I get you milk of the poppy?"

Sandor looks up at her. Her voice was shaky and he hates how worried it sounded, how desperate. He hates how her eyes were constantly red. He knits his brows, "no."

She hisses, "are you certain? Your gashes are deep. No one in the world would fault you for wanting something to relieve the pain."

"I want to feel it," he mutters, "I want to feel."

She looks between the two of them in a panic, "but you've lost so much blood--"

"Perhaps," Yannick interrupts firmly. He starts binding his wounds, "he wants to feel precisely because he's light headed after losing blood."

Sandor straightens up slowly as he is instructed to. His attention is solely focused on the sensation on his hand though, on how the jittery squirrel was rubbing her soft fingers on his calloused skin.

She persists with this action until his chest and back is bound, she persists until Maester Yannick leaves the room, she persists until, next moment, she drops on her knees beside him. The Hound reacts in an instant.

He gets on the floor beside her, uncaring how it hurt his back, and clutches her face. He calls her name in horror.

"Are you punishing me?" she whispers as water in her eyes threaten to spill.

Sandor knits his brows deeply. He can't speak. He's too afraid to. Everything he's said up until that point has done nothing but rip them both apart. He was a hound after all.

"Are you trying to kill yourself to get back at me?" she mutters, distressed, pained, and defeated.

His face contorts even more. He hesitates but then shakes his head, "no."

"The boy said you've been acting differently as of late!" she grabs his wrists, "ever since I told you what I wanted from you."

His lips twitch. He looks away.

She tightens her grip, "please."

He is suddenly so acutely aware of his injuries. The pain throbs all the way through his heart.

"Please," she begs softly, "just tell me what you want from me-"

"Everything."

The way he responded was quick, as if it was practiced, as if it was reflex.

He avoids her gaze. He takes a deep breath. He waits for a response he somehow knows will never come.

When he turns to her, he notices how her face dropped. Gods, Sandor. Get it together.

"I want-" he starts but cannot continue because of how guilty he feels over the sight of her wobbling lip.

Sandor's hands loosen. They melt from her cheeks, down her shoulders. He grips the area, as if she was water about to slip through his fingers. He releases a breath, and with it, it seems, his thoughts escape. He mutters somethings that mean nothing. She doesn't understand anything.

She whimpers, "I have nothing left to give; you already have it all."

The Hound freezes when his cheek is touched, when his scar is touched. It's like it's being burned all over again.

"Is there something I can give you now?" she huffs uneasily.

He sighs. He feels the wounds throbbing; he feels his head pounding, "no."

"Then will you let me go now?"

No. No, no, no, no-

"Or, please, at least loosen your grip."

Immediately, Sandor releases her shoulders. She sequentially lets out a breath and rubs the area. There is an imprint on the area of her exposed skin.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck-

"Do you want me to stay?"

Yes. "Do you want to stay?"

"I had planned to finish some errands before going to bed."

Sandor averts his gaze then slowly crawls back to his stool, "then leave."

It almost hurts as much as his cuts how quickly she stands. She looks down at him, "I will leave you to your solidarity."

Please don't go.

"I will tell Maester Yannick to come back to attend to you, Hound."

Hound. It sounds like shattering glass.

Sandor listens to the click of her heels as she leaves him.

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nanatsuyu · 1 year ago

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I feel like it’s not talked about enough that early in the books Kevin is the only person we see Andrew initiating any type of physical closeness/touch with at all … also thinking about how they’re described physically with each other in Son of Nefes like. so much tenderness (@ your tags about how Andrew carries himself around Kevin and Neil)

I definitely think their closeness in the beginning gets overshadowed a lot by how close Andrew and Neil get later in the series. And that's not a diss on andreil! I think it's important to Andrew's character to see that while Neil played a very large part in letting Andrew explore his boundaries and grow comfortable with physical affections, there were others that helped in that healing along the way too.

One of my favourite scenes is the one where Kevin takes his glove off for Andrew to inspect his hand for any damages. It's written in such a way that implies they weren't paying any attention to the rest of the world around them. Matt had been carded, the play was over and a fight had broken out, and during that sliver of time, either Andrew had hailed Kevin over or he'd gone of his own volition to the goal for Andrew to give his injuries a one over. Kevin knew he was going to get swapped out, and they both turned somewhat surprised when Dan called out to Kevin, as if the game being in play was an afterthought. (Which, considering it's Kevin, seems somewhat ooc since he always knows what's going on on court).

And, although we don't have the exact words regarding Andrew's deal with Kevin, it was implied in the most basic terms that Andrew would protect Kevin from Riko. (There's obviously nuance here given Andrew's bodyguard tendencies when Kevin gets into later spats with people, but for the sake of how vague most of Andrew's deals are spoken aloud, I think it's safe to assume he promised to protect Kevin from his big bad not sibling in the same way he promised to have Neil's back). All that just to say... It wasn't really in their deal for Andrew to protect or look after Kevin outside of his affiliations with the Ravens. And yet, even after threatening to break his own hand before all this, because Kevin annoyed the piss out of him so much, here he was, inspecting Kevin's hand and putting the game on hold to do so.

This injury has nothing to do with Riko or the Ravens. So, in terms of their deal, he didn't really need to dote on Kevin like that. And yet.

And yet.

And this is really only one instance of them being glued at the hip. Andrew does a lot of redirecting of Kevin's person in the same way we see him do later with Neil. Like you said as well, Kevin's the only one for some pages that we see Andrew physical with that isn't necessarily reactionary or defensive. I know Andrew was still on his meds at the time, but this line came across to me as him literally shoving Andrew down court who didn't seem to take much issue with the it:

He doesn't make much mention of it, but if I had to wager a guess, these moments of familiar contact are not a new thing upon Neil's arrival.

(Also it's been a hot minute since I skimmed through son nefes (the ec and I are on cherry picking terms most days) but I know Renee saw it too.)

Like it makes me insane to think about how their deal didn't have to incorporate all that closeness. It didn't require Andrew to become intertwined with the rest of Kevin's life and daily going on's. He could have agreed to keep him on a leash from getting dragged out of the fox den by the Ravens and called it a day, but we can see clear as day that Andrew treats his relationship with Kevin far more delicately than that. In terms of canon, the best friend (platonic soul bond or whatever title floats your fancy) behaviour jumped out of Andrew so fast, I'm shocked how anyone could overlook it.

And I haven't even touched on how Wymack views their relationship, or Kathy's show, or the role Andrew plays as Kevin's other half post Evermore, or the first genuine smiles are the ones they give each other, or the pseudo threat of the butter knife scene, or whatever they had going on here:

Like, there are certainly motions that can be considered varying levels of tender, but I do think it's important to remember that Andrew's gestures should not be measured with the same scale as say someone like Renee. We can obviously see in later chapters that Andrew can be incredibly gentle (ie the hip kiss that ruined my life), but I think it's a disservice to Andrew's character to understate how close he and Kevin are through the series, both physically and emotionally.

#and i say emotionally with an asterisk because i dont think anyone in that series made it out without some codependency issues #but thats another topic #also thos got really long and rambly im so sorry #i just feel very desperately about Them #aftg #kevin day #andrew minyard #kandrew #nana asks

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insecuregodcomplex · 16 days ago

Text

this entire thing was inspired by "tommy kinard do this" tags on this gifset of archie andrews in riverdale lol

“So, remind me why you’re saying we need costumes?” It had been years since Tommy had stepped inside any sort of Halloween store, but when his boyfriend pulls over on their way home, mentioning an “urgent errand” to a place called “Spirit Halloween,” he happily follows (without much choice).

“Eddie, Bobby, and Hen have all said they know what they are going to be and I’m behind! I can’t be the only one not in a costume on Halloween.”

“Okay, okay,” Tommy walks into the store just behind him and is momentarily stunned by the range of Halloween decor and costumes all around. “So I understand why you need one –”

“You are not getting out of a costume again, Kinard.” Buck stands and looks menacingly at Tommy. “This time,” he says with a poke, “I’m making sure of that.”

“I thought you liked me in a Henley.” Tommy says innocently.

“I do, you’re very hot, but it’s still not a costume!” Buck exclaims as he turns around and moves towards the back of the store. He’s already made his way through half a rack of hanging costumes by the time Tommy catches up.

“Ha, what about this?” Buck holds up a hanger, on which a fake firefighter costume hangs. “Hm...actually…I don't think I’ve ever been a firefighter for Halloween.” He pouts as he considers.

“Well, that wouldn’t be much of a costume nowadays, would it?” Tommy plucks the hanger from his hands.

Buck’s pout doesn’t move. “Even if I was a sexy firefighter?”

“Especially as a sexy firefighter.” Tommy chuckles and kisses Buck on the side of his head, near his birthmark. “Come on, what kind of costume are you actually looking for?”

Buck chatters away, thinking aloud about what he could be, how he doesn’t want to be too scary and freak the kids out, but maybe if he finds something that toes that line, you know, he thinks he could find a good balance. He sifts through a few costumes in the Adult Male section. He pauses on two in a row before slowly saying “Tommy.”

“Evan,” Tommy mimics.

“I have an idea.” Tommy’s eyebrows raise in response. “I think we should try some costumes on and show each other! Come on, doesn’t that sound fun? Maybe you’ll find one you like!”

Tommy finds himself laughing, endeared by his boyfriend’s enthusiasm. “Okay, okay.” Buck’s grin takes over his face, and Tommy isn’t sure he even registers him saying, “I’m only doing a few, though!”

Buck tries on a Batman costume and Tommy, a Mr. Incredibles one. Each man can appreciate the look of the other, but neither likes the masks, so it’s onto the next, which turn out to be Flynn Rider and Ghostbusters. The sizing is off for each of them, so they each go to select a new option. Tommy pauses, and an idea of his own starts to take form.

He checks that he’s not being watched by his boyfriend as he makes his way back to the hanger they’d put back earlier, grabs it, and heads back to his designated dressing room.

The actual firefighter and firefighter pilot uniforms are quite different, and it’s fascinating to get back into something resembling the uniform he wore for years. There’s a weird feeling in his gut as he takes a moment to think about the last time he donned a firefighter uniform, and how much his life has changed – improved, mostly – since then.

He looks at himself in the mirror and stifles a laugh. He feels absurd; after taking off the Ghostbusters costume, he hadn’t bothered to put a shirt on before getting into the firefighter getup. Shrugging, he places the suspenders over his shoulders and dons the plastic captain’s hat. He’s gotta admit – that sexy firefighter look Evan mentioned earlier? Well…it kind of works.

“Okay, it took me a bit to make it work but it’s not bad!” Tommy hears the jingling of the other dressing room curtain being drawn back and, with a final mental conviction that he’s not about to look incredibly stupid, draws his curtain back, too. “This might be good enough for the…”

Tommy meets Buck’s eyes, which are raking up and down him.

“Woah.”

Tommy laughs. “Is that a good ‘woah’?”

“I – I was not expecting to get turned on in a Spirit Halloween today.”

Tommy leans his elbow on the edge of the dressing room wall, framing his face with his arm. “You like it?” He pushes off the wall and hooks his thumbs under the suspenders casually. “I have it on pretty good authority that firefighters,” Tommy pauses dramatically, “are hot.”

“I can’t believe you’re looking like that and I’m stuck in this stupid pickle.” Buck gestures to his green clad body that is, indeed, in a pickle costume.

“You look great, babe. It might be a good option for work, actu–” Tommy’s cut off with a kiss.

“The only pickle I am seriously thinking about right now is under the costume.”

“Did you just make a dick joke?”

Buck is already rustling around in a mess of green. “I need to get out of this right now.” Tommy laughs and turns to take his costume off, too, but is stopped. “Do not take that off yet. I see you in the reflection.”

Tommy laughs. “Take a picture. It’ll last longer.”

Buck manages to wrangle free and grabs his phone, angling Tommy this way and that while snapping photos constantly. Eventually, he gets his fill and they are each able to put their normal clothes back on. They arrange the costumes back on the hangers and put them back.

“I feel like those costumes got a little dirtier than they were before we put them on.”

“That can’t be the worst thing those costumes have seen.”

Before they leave the store, Buck finds a properly sized version of the Flynn Rider costume he tried on earlier on Amazon and, thanks to his Prime account, it will be at his doorstep within twelve hours.

“So, all that for nothing, huh?” Tommy teases as they leave the store.

Buck looks at him with a raised eyebrow, waving his phone. “I mean, I had a pretty good time. And will have some good times with these pictures –.” He cuts off with a laugh when Tommy smacks him, amused.

“Those are only for emergencies.”

“Oh, believe me,” Buck smiles. “I’m much happier with the real thing.”

#v writes sometimes #bucktommy #911 #911 ficlet #bucktommy ficlet #didnt beta or really review much at all lol sry dont look at mistakes #just a silly little pre Halloween ep thing #911 fic #bucktommy fic

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iobsessoverfictionalmen · 10 months ago

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AN: Yes, I chose this particular episode on purpose and yes, I used Spike's rant. You can catch up with the previous installments here, here, and here.

Warnings: cursing, arguments, insults, angst, mentions of betrayal, violence, and injury, and spoilers for Buffy season 7.

Tagging: @rmoonstoner and @queenofthehobos.

“What is her purpose here?” Kennedy snarled at Willow, pointing at you and talking as if you weren't in the room after you, Spike, and Andrew had returned. All you had done was ask where Buffy was.

“Back the hell off Kennedy,” Faith warned.

“No, I want to know what she contributes.”

“Right because (Name)’s been sitting up in the bedroom watching Passions and eating snacks all this time while you risk your lives.” Spike scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“She might as well have been. She walks around like Buffy critiquing us and doing nothing! She disappears when we need her only to reappear when the fight’s over!”

“For the past six years, I have been keeping Ares’ forces out of Sunnydale,” you explained icily.

“And you’ve done such a great job of it! The god has been sighted all over the place!”

“If you’ve only sighted him, it means I’m doing my job!”

“That’s just your fancy way of saying you’re sleeping with the god.”

The kitchen went deathly quiet at her words.

“I am not one to sleep with another just because of the power and influence they wield, Kennedy. Especially when I am in a relationship with someone else.”

“Perhaps we should--”

“She’s exactly the same as Buffy. She needs to go.”

“Is that what you did?” Spike asked venomously, “You lot conspired to push her out of her own house?”

“Let me tell you a little something about your girlfriend. She was always on our backs and whatever we did it wasn’t good enough!” Kennedy shouted.

“Because Buffy has been through Apocalypses before, you nit!”

“So that justifies treating us as if we don’t have any say in our destiny and not letting us have any fun?”

“Don’t you get it? Every win for the First is a loss for you!” You exploded. Your eyes scanned the room and you noticed Xander wearing an eyepatch that he had definitely not worn before you left. Realising what must have happened, you spoke again with a softer tone.

“Xander. The way you were maimed is horrible. No one is arguing that point. If you want to blame someone, blame Caleb. Blame the First. Do not blame Buffy because I know she gave you an out before you faced the First’s forces and Caleb.”

“She needs to go.” Kennedy repeated.

“Right now she is the only thing standing between you and Ares, you dolt. Rupert, are you going to sit and watch this happen again?”

“He didn’t intervene then. Why would he intervene now?” Kennedy rebutted. Rupert wouldn’t meet your eyes. While you could understand that the Hellmouth amplified evil and emotions, Buffy saw Rupert as a father figure. To hear that he had sat by and done nothing while Buffy left the only safe place she knew made your heart ache.

“You sad, sad ungrateful traitors. Who do you think you are?!” Spike demanded.

“We're her friends. We just want-” Willow stammered, looking to you for help.

Spike chuckled mercilessly, “Oh that's ballsy of you! You're her friends and you betray her like this?!”

Finally, Rupert tried to speak, “You don't understand-”

“That’s going to go over well with Spike. You haven’t even shown a shred of concern for Buffy’s welfare or asked us about her whereabouts, Rupert.” You thought, “How did everything fall apart so quickly?”

Spike was quick to reply to Rupert’s weak attempt at justifying their actions, “Oh, I think I do...Rupert. You used to be the big man, didn't you? The teacher all full of wisdom. Now she's surpassed you, and you can't handle it. She has saved your lives again and again. She's died for you. And this is how you thank her?! This is how you thank both of them? You sit by while Kennedy insults the woman that you supposedly love knowing full well what she’s done to protect the lot of you?!”

“We should go Spike. Staying here and arguing with people who don’t want to admit they’ve done the wrong thing isn’t going to help us find Buffy.”

Spike said nothing but followed you to the front door. You could feel the eyes of the potentials on you as the two of you walked out with your heads held high. Spike sniffed the air when the two of you stood at the end of the footpath, “Got her scent.”

“This is another one of those times that I’m grateful you’re a vampire. It’s only one of a small handful of times.”

Spike jerked his head, “We go that way.”

“Oh, my darling. Can you see now how easily humans betray one another?”

#my writing #my fics #buffy the vampire slayer #wonder woman 2017 #female reader #kennedy #spike #faith lehane #xander harris #willow rosenberg #rupert giles #rupert giles x reader #ares x reader

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penwieldingdreamer · 2 years ago

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Brewing Storm - San Diego

Hey and welcome to a new day of "I have too many ideas and too little time to get it done." 😀

This is a new project that came up thanks to @none-of-your-bullshit and her cool idea to pair Jake Seresin with a NCIS!Reader. This is the first installment of I don't have a plan yet how many parts 🤭 Reader is non-descriptive and Y/N but I'll make sure to not use it or use Candy occasionally. Let me know what you think. If you want to be tagged in future chapters follow the link.

Have fun and happy reading ❤️

Thank you to @fortheloveoffanfic @ladyelissarose and @missathlete31 for being my betas

Warnings: 18+ in future chapters, MDNI, canon violence, mentions of injuries, fighting, drug trafficking

Y/N "Candy" Gibbs, former FBI Agent, gets sent to the San Diego office helping to clean up some older cases that had been tracked all the way up to Washington. What she didn't expect was to meet a cocky pilot that wasn't just trying to get into her pants but was in serious trouble with a capital T after he and Andrew Caine witnessed a drug deal at the base gone wrong.

Masterlist | Next

Part 1 - San Diego

“So, Candy, how’s the California guys treating you?” Nick Torres asked with a grin, as they had their usual zoom dinner chat. Ellie shook her head and McGee had to swallow the retort that was about to leave his lips, thankful for using his headphones. No way was he going to say something with Gibbs sitting at his desk across from him while the other two were lounging at home having fun.

Chuckling at your fellow agent and friend you shook your head, before you held up your phone and turned around. One of the agents of the San Diego office had decided to take you to the Hard Deck, a bar most of the Navy personnel frequented. “I’m not complaining, the weather is great and I’ve seen the Navy men around here without a shirt on more often than not.”

“Shut up!” Ellie’s mouth hung open and you could practically see the light shining in her eyes. “I’ll be sure to send in a transfer to SoCal, can’t let you drool over them all by yourself.”

Laughing softly, your expression turned serious again. "I miss you guys already. This assignment is taking too fucking long."

"Don't worry, you'll have to bear our antics sooner than you'd like and you'd be happy to be back with the FBI instead of the Navy team catching the bad guys." Torres winked at you, taking a big bite of his burger and you already knew why you were happy to not have him sit next to you. Ellie scrunched up her nose at his behavior and shook her head, mumbling men loud enough for him to gasp around his food.

"Gibbs will make sure you guys behave, he did it before I joined the FBI."

"Yes, and I'll do it well after." His usual hard look softened as his gaze fell upon your face over McGee's.

"Hey Uncle G, hope the rascals are keeping out of trouble up in Washington." You cackled loudly at the way their faces scrunched up and the eyebrow raise you got from the three agents.

Your uncle grinned, knowing they couldn't tell a lot about the last days without you at the Navy Yard and how many bad moods their boss had been in since you weren't there to calm him down. "How's the West Coast treating you, Candy darl'? Hopefully no premature Navy men trying to get in your pants."

"Never Uncle G." You told him, your voice sounding confident but over the bar top you saw the one person that made it hard for you to sleep at night.

Lieutenant Jake Seresin.

Not because you were occupied in the horizontal tango - no, not at all, but the Naval aviator had been coming to the Hard Deck like clockwork with or without his fellow pilots ever since you showed up that first day with your fellow agents. He would come to the bar, trying to buy you a drink at least three times during his stay, but each time you declined.

His eyes found yours from across the room. The Lieutenant looked good in his Khakis, his hair in his usual backcombed style. If Ellie saw you, she'd probably tell you, you were drooling.

The clearing of a throat pulled you out of your thoughts, your uncle giving you the side eye. “No men, huh?”

“Oh come on, you sound like I should be in a convent.”

“A convent? No, according to your mother, a different country is more like it.” He told you, but you weren’t sure if he was joking or not.

Shaking your head you grinned at your boss and family. "It's not like that, Gibbs. I just happen to be here in Fightertown and not to mention the Army vs Navy football game coming up."

"Oh, are you going to watch it?" Ellie asked, earning an eye roll from Torres as he knew what his partner was getting at.

"Actually we'll be helping with security. Jason and Andrew are part of the referee team and Lucille, Connor and I will be posing as a security team at the entrance."

Shaking his head, your uncle removed himself from his perch, knowing you wouldn't elaborate on the things that were happening down in Southern California. "Just stay safe over there or I'll come and get you back here all by my lonesome."

"Don't you worry, Uncle G. Nothing will happen, I promise.”

Ellie winked at you, telling you in a silent way to not do anything she wouldn’t do while Torres just rolled his eyes and McGee’s reaction was barely visible. Finally telling them goodbye you ended the call and returned to the drink in front of you.

Unbeknownst to you your nightly nemesis kept glancing your way a few times during his pool game with his fellow aviator.

“You going to try that maneuver again with her or keep silently praying to whoever will listen that she’ll give you the time of the day?” The dark skinned pilot joked, watching his friend lining up his shot and to the shock of all that knew him failed to make it.

Closing his eyes, Jake took a deep breath. You had been on his mind constantly - at night, during the day, even in his head while he was soaring above the clouds. “I don’t think she’ll ever say yes. I tried all my moves and she said No. Got to stop before it gets embarrassing.”

Javy snorted, leaning against his cue. “Never thought the great Hangman was a quitter.”

“Shut up, Machado.” He grumbled, finally getting the shot right. Straightening up, he turned back towards the bar where you had been sitting all night. The way you smiled down at the screen of your phone made his insides flutter, a feeling that only being airborne could give him.

Maybe - maybe he would have to think up a new maneuver to succeed in this mission.

Yeah, he’d start on a new strategy tomorrow. Most important point of the battle plan - don’t be the dick that left others hanging, or he’d be the one to be hung out to dry.

Tagging:

@none-of-your-bullshit @fortheloveoffanfic @ladyelissarose @missathlete31 @chipendenspook1997 @mayhemmanaged

#jake seresin x NCIS!reader #jake seresin x reader #hangman x reader #TG:M x NCIS #top gun maverick #top gun maverick fic #jake seresin fic #ncis fanfiction #TG:M x NCIS crossover

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seasy33 · 17 days ago

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writerly ephemera

✨ share some little bits of you, easter eggs, memories, etc. you have left scattered in your fics or art. if you fancy it, tag a pal. ✨

thank you mari for making this beautiful wonderful thing and also tagging me 🥹 this is such a neat idea and a cool way to share one of the best bits about writing -- the little pieces of ourselves we weave into the stories we make <3 it's fun to hold them close as little secrets buuuuut arguably more fun to point them out lol (also i just love talking about writing)

🌻 "The sides of the river have been shored up with concrete ledges, grass slopes turning into stone and then steps and pool ladders leading into the clear and deep water. It looks deceptively calm on the surface but Jeremy can see the shadows of algae streaming in a fast current on the bottom when he leans over to look down."

homecoming is the first fic that came to mind because literally every other line has a little piece of my actual life experiences in it lol from my dog named Lacey (that was indeed given away when I was very small) to the silences that come with being the only child left in a house after everyone else grows up, etc. BUT the biggest one i think is the setting. i always use my alma mater as the blueprint for PSU but the scene by the river here is the most detailed description that i've given that came straight from my college campus. i don't think i did it justice but at least *i* know what i'm talking about lol

🏡 "Peeking out of the treeline are a pair of tin-topped buildings with their doors thrown open to the warm summer air. Everything is green and alive, alive. Buzzing and rustling and puffing gentle breaths on his skin."

okay so this one is a setting as well but it's also a vibe??? the dream sequence in up from a dream is very very special to me because Andrew and Neil's dream-house is based off of a farm that my grandparents used to live on where a lot of my happiest childhood memories took place <3 i tweaked the details a little but the vibe of the entire dream is based off of the peace and happiness i remember feeling as a little kid 🥹

🐓 "It's in the middle of bum-fucking-nowhere off a rough, two-lane highway somewhere in Georgia and the chickens --real, live chickens-- are running around on the gravel, pecking at things in the yellowed grass, ducking underneath trucks. They belong to the gas station; Andrew can see their enclosure peeking around the back of the store. Though what service they provide other than running amok is unclear."

this is gas station from give it a name is a real life gas station (with chickens) that I drive by every time I have to drive back to my home town lol though it's not in Georgia and i've only stopped there for gas once, i still see the chickens occasionally

🧡 "A few weeks ago, at the end of the season, Neil broke his racquet. He'd taken to banging the head on the court floor after a bad play, a missed pass, a hard check — a terrible habit that got him stern looks from refs and even sterner talking-tos from Wymack."

i mentioned this in the notes on the fic, but angry!neil banging his racquet on the court floor is based off of when i was in high school and played tennis and when i was pissed off, i would bang my racquet on the ground (until eventually i broke it...) not nearly as angsty as neil in hold your fire and more just upset!teenager lol but that feeling of breaking something in a moment of anger and completely regretting it and feeling terrible yet better afterward...... yeah..... 👍

okay i think i've talked enough now hahaha this was very fun!!!! i'm a very private person but i also secretly love telling secrets and secret stories (who would've guessed) and feel free to join in if you do too <3

i'll tag @mostlymaudlin @moondal514 @merceyca 💕

#my writing #aftg fic #fic writing #fandom #<3 #tag game

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forthedancingandthethriving · 1 year ago

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"Yeah, Tulip.. she's been a little down in the dumps lately. That's why I decided to tag along today." SMG10 told Juliano, drawing Lily's attention.

She had decided to tag along to the Avatar meetup today, as Kidnap the Princess wasn't until next week, and everyone else was busy. Apparently, Lil Coding needed to help their dads with something. Aka, he was in trouble for something the night before and was being punished.

"Has she really?" Juliano hums, and Lily can see her grandpa (yes, she was also calling him grandpa) look in the direction of Tulip. She looks that way as well, seeing the mentioned Avatar with Ash, Pikachu, and Shantae. The group was by some engines connected to a slingshot, and with how Pikachu seemed excited, Lily could guess what was going to happen.

"Yeah.. apparently, it has something to do with her parents. She said something yesterday about her being an 'ideal heir'." SMG10 crosses her arms.

Lily hones in on that. She'd heard similar words before.

"Hm.. that doesn't sound too good. I'm guessing her home life was rough." Juliano frowns.

"Yeah.." 10 nods. "She's never told me the details, but I can guess." The SMG pauses before continuing. "And.. it's weirder that she's never told me her last name, too. I know she wants to protect 7 and I, but.. this is worrying me."

Lily narrows her eyes. This was sounding very familiar.

"Well.. I'm afraid that unless she speaks, none of us can really- ASH KETCHUM, DON'T YOU DARE LET PIKACHU USE THUNDERBOLT ON THOSE ENGINES!" Juliano's voice quickly took a scolding turning as he rushes to over to the three teens, with 10 jogging after him.

Lily thinks before texting her dad.

Well, it's not like she had anything else to do.

○●○

"You want to.. come hang out with me for a little bit?" Tulip blinks, surprised.

Lily smiles. "Yeah! I'm thinking of getting into engineering or being a mechanic.. so I thought maybe I could.. hang out with you? See what you do?"

Tulip thinks before shrugging. "If your dads are okay with it, then yeah! It'd be fun to have someone other than Nagging Nancy over there!"

SMG10 calls from the portal. "It's called worrying about my best friend's health!"

Lily smiles and holds up her phone. "I asked them and said as long as I'm not gone too long, I can hang out!"

"Sweet." Tulip grins. "Well, let's go!"

It was fun, hanging out with Tulip. Even though the teen typically drove like she was running from god, it was still fun! Lily had learned a lot from Tulip.

Though what she was more interested in was the older girl's family.

Seeing that the aforementioned Avatar and her Guardian had gone into a store, and trusted Lily enough to leave her in the van, she didn't know how much time she had. So she got to work.

Screenshotting what messages she deemed relevant, had info, anything. The young girl wasn't able to find any information on Tulip's last name, or her parents' last name, but she did find out their names.

Daisy, Tulip's mother.

Andrew, Tulip's father.

Archie, Tulip's older brother.

Anything else Lily would need, she screenshotted it and sent it to her number. Once she was done, she made sure to wipe the photos off of Tulip's phone, delete the texts and Lily's number, and just pray that 10 or Tulip wouldn't notice.

They didn't, thankfully, and when it was time for Lily to go home, they were kind and hoped to see her again. Lily hoped so too.

○●○

Tulip grips her pillow over her head. Even though her phone was on silent, Do Not Disturb, and everything, she could practically hear it ringing.

Tears well in her eyes. Couldn't her damn parents leave her alone?

A soft ding from the command box on the nearby counter catches her attention. Slowly, she lifts the pillow from her head and grabs it.

She smiles, seeing a message in a group chat for just the Teen Avatars. It took a lot of begging to their respective SMGs, but they had managed to get permission for a private group chat just between them all.

Ash: >Do you think if we used more engines, the catapult would have more power behind it?_

Tulip sits up and smiles.

The ensuing conversation thankfully made her forget about her silently ringing phone. The only noise being a sleeping SMG10's soft breaths and the gentle taps of Tulip's fingers against the command back.

○●○

"Lily, what are you doing?" Lil Coding frowns, peering at the laptop his sister was on. "You've been on that ever since you finished your schoolwork!"

"Well, with the school blown up because of Jeremy's science project, what else am I gonna do?" Lily shrugs, disregarding how her brother deadpans at her.

"Aw, c'mon, you've never been interested in the laptop before!" the Code Manifestation whines. He peers at the screen and narrows his eyes. "Wait, who is Andrew? Is this why you asked granpa Domain to mess with it so it could access other universe's internet?"

"Maybe." Lily narrows her eyes before her eyes widen, seeing an article.

Orpheus Transfer Co. embroiled in controversy after young daughter vanishes and older son causes ruckus at Ministry Building

She quickly clicks on the article, eyes narrowing. She reads it, not noticing Lil Coding also reading it.

A video has recently been released, showing Tulip Dellora Orpheus having an explosive fight with her parents, Daisy and Andrew Orpheus after it was revealed in the press that she was set to become the company's new owner and CEO over her brother, Archie Orpheus.

Archie Orpheus, after this fight, was recorded at the Ministry Office, shouting for one of the five Ministers to either come and talk to him or send the Prime Minister to talk to him. He was recorded as saying that he wouldn't hesitate to leak the 'exclusive trading documents' his parents had reportedly received.

This behavior was reported to be 'highly unlike the two', with Mrs. Orpheus stated that he did not know or understand why her daughter was acting the way she was. That, and the states her son had made were entirely false.

The young girl slowly looks at her brother. "She must have had a fight with her parents.. either before 10 and 7 landed, or after.. either way, that must explain why she always avoids the topic of her family."

Lil Coding frowns. "But then that brings up the question of what she's afraid of.."

"Her family hurting 10, 7.. even Captain Olimar, since she's grown to see him as a father." Lily explains, voice soft. "It's exactly like when my parents found me. I didn't do or say anything about you guys because I didn't want them hurting you."

"It's looking like they're corrupt, just like my mom and dad were." The child closes her eyes. "Her family has connections to the government, like mine did. I'm guessing these 'Ministers' are similar to Vice Presidents or Dukes. While the Prime Minister is probably the equivalent of a President, or a King or Queen."

Lil Coding nods before he raises a brow. "How do you know all this?"

"What do you think I did when locked up in that room?" Lily shoots back.

"Pfft- fair enough."

As the two chuckle, Lily can't help but worry.

This wasn't like when Nimbus had been in danger because of that Program, Leto. They couldn't step in this time. It was something Tulip had to do on her own.

The young girl only hoped the Avatar would realize that she had people she could rely upon.

#oc: lily #smg: smg10 #avatar: juliano #avatar: tulip #code: lil coding #fanfiction: my writing!#!posts!

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jessybarnes · 2 years ago

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Golden Lines - Chapter Four - I Thought I Knew You

Pairings: Chris Evans x OFC Jessica Anderson, Chris Evans x OFC Lily Stan, Sebastian Stan x OFC Jessica Anderson, Tom Hiddleston x OFC Ang DiLorenza

Chapter Four Characters: Chris Evans, Sebastian Stan, Tom Hiddleston, OFC Jessica Anderson, OFC Lily Stan, OFC Ang DiLorenza, OFC Amanda Evans (mentioned), Dodger, OFC Linda Anderson (Jessica's Mom), OFC Shayly Andrews (mentioned), OMC Jameson Andrews (mentioned), Georgeta Orlovschi (mentioned. Sebastian Stan's Mom)

Chapter Four Rating: Mature

Chapter Four Tags: ANGST, fluff, yelling, arguments, crying, throwing things, stress, anxiety, anger, broken glass, mentions of cancer (leukemia), teacher/student relationships, implied smut, drinking, pet names, keeping secrets, jealousy, pining, and explicit language

Chapter Four Word Count: 4,208

Chapter Four Betas: T. Thompson and A. DiLorenza

Chapter Four Mini Title Card: Yours Truly

Sebastian stands rooted to the spot. He can't wrap his head around the fact that Chris, his best friend, is involved with a student. Yeah, she's eighteen, but it's still against the school's policy.

He takes his phone out of his pocket and opens his text message conversation with Chris. He feels...well, he doesn't really know what he feels. Anger? Betrayal? Jealousy?

It's true that he thinks Jessica is beautiful. He'd be lying to himself if he said she wasn't. Sebastian squeezes his phone so hard his knuckles are white. It's a wonder it doesn't break. He scowls and furiously begins typing a message he knows he’ll regret later. Right now, he's too pissed to care.

He shuts his phone off and storms back to his classroom. It's a damn good thing it's time for him to leave for the day because he's not sure he could teach right now. Sebastian rips his jacket off the back of his chair and grabs his keys before turning around to head to his car.

Of course, Chris is standing in his doorway. Just his fucking luck.

"Move."

He stares angrily into Chris’s pleading eyes. "Sebastian…please I…just please listen to m-"

Chris flinches as his friend steps closer to him, his finger pointing inches from his face. "No! You don't get to explain ANYTHING to me! I've already seen enough," he thrusts his fingertip hard into Chris’s chest, "Get. The. Fuck. Out. Of. My. Way."

Chris feels his throat tighten. Tears sting his eyes as he steps to the side. "P-Please...just please don't tell anyone," he whispers.

Sebastian turns around. If looks could kill, Chris would be dead by now. "Oh, don't worry," his words spew from his mouth like venom, "I won't tell your precious little secret. Unlike you, I'm actually fucking loyal and don't keep shit this big from my best friend."

Chris clenches his fists so hard it breaks the skin. He can't breathe.

"GODDAMMIT!"

He picks up a book from Sebastian’s desk and hurls it across the room, hitting the opposite wall. His chest heaves and his hands fist his hair.

Chris isn't even that upset that Sebastian knows. No, he's mad at himself. He should have told him from the start, but he was scared. Scared that this pure, beautiful thing he and Jessica have would fall apart before it even began. Chris pulls his truck keys out of his pocket and swiftly walks to the parking lot. He has to fix this. Sebastian’s text message be damned, he's going to his house anyway

Jessica hums happily while she walks to her car. Angie gave her address to her earlier, but she wants to change her clothes to something comfier first. She unlocks the driver's door and slides in, a wave of heat making the whole inside of her car feel like a sauna. "God, it's hotter than Satan's asshole in here," she mutters to herself.

Her Metallica album resumes its playback from this morning's drive. One, her favorite song, blasts from her stereo as she sings along with James. The drive home takes a little longer, but that's to be expected when every high schooler with a car is trying to leave the parking lot at the same time.

Jessica pulls into her driveway and hurries inside. "Hey, Mom! I'm home!" She sets her bag by the door and bounds up the stairs.

"In my room, sweetie!"

She walks to her room and grins happily, "I made some friends today!"

"That's awesome, baby! I knew you would! I know they're not Shayly and Jameson, but I hope you can be happy here. I just want the best for you."

Jessica softens and pulls her Mom into a hug. "Oh, Mom…it's alright. I know why we had to leave. I can always call Shay and Jamie to catch up. I actually wanted to see if I could go to my friend Angie's house to do homework."

Her Mom smiles, "of course, honey! Just be home before midnight, okay?"

Jessica shouts a thank you as she hurries to her room to change. Deciding on a pair of grey sweats and a baggy Avenged Sevenfold tee, she slips her converse back on and heads back to her car. "Bye, Mom!"

The drive to Angie's only takes about ten minutes and soon she's met with her favorite brunette once again. "Hi, lovely! Long time no see!" Angie pulls her into a hug and leads her inside.

"Hey, babe! C'mon, we have loads to talk about."

Jessica giggles and follows her to her room. "What do you mean, Ang? I thought you gave us all the details at lunch."

Angie shuts her door and plops down on her bed. "Okay, so maybe something did happen…"

Chris’s knuckles are white as he grips the steering wheel. His radio is off, but his mind is racing. He doesn't know what he plans to do when he gets to Sebastian's. He just hopes he talks to him.

His house comes into view, the beautiful dark red brick accenting the white shutters is the most beautiful scenery on the block. Lily's flowerbed is in full bloom. Pink and white roses are planted next to purple and red tulips. The large ash tree casts a shadow along the ground where he parks his truck.

Chris can see them from where he is. They're sitting on the couch together, laughing about whatever it is they’re watching. Lily is munching on some popcorn while Sebastian nurses a glass of whiskey. They look so carefree. It pains Chris to see that his best friend doesn't even look the tiniest bit upset about what happened just forty-five minutes ago.

Part of him wants to turn around and leave, but he knows that won't solve anything. He sighs and swallows the lump in his throat as he climbs out of his truck. His feet feel like they're made of lead, and the closer he gets to his front door the louder his heartbeat gets. He stands still for a moment, just to gather his bearings. Finally, he reaches up and knocks on the big white door.

Sebastian sits next to his sister, trying hard to distract himself from remembering the look on Chris’s face. The moment he walked away his mind was screaming at him to go back and pull him into a hug. The hurt he felt overpowered that though.

He and Lily are watching Step Brothers, her pick, but he's not paying attention. He laughs along with her every time he hears her do it just so she doesn't catch on to his sullen mood.

A knock on his front door makes his stomach drop. He immediately knows it's Chris. He looks at Lily and sighs. "Hey, listen, I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to raincheck on our movie night."

She raises an eyebrow, "Seb, are you okay? You've been acting funny lately, and I'm honestly scared I'm losing you." She looks down at her lap and blinks to hide her teary eyes.

It breaks his heart to see his baby sister like this. With their Mom in Romania, he's all she has. "Lil, hey, look at me." She sniffles and turns her gaze in his direction. "I promise you're not losing me. You never will, okay? Work has been stressful and Chris and I aren't on good terms right now. Actually, he's the one outside. I'm gonna go talk to him in the garage for a bit, but I swear I'll make it up to you."

Sebastian kisses her temple and walks to the door, his drink still in hand. He pulls it open and steps outside motioning in the direction of his garage. "I told you I had plans with my sister." His words are void of emotion as he opens the overhead door and grabs two folding chairs.

Chris takes one and sits down. "I'm sorry." His voice is small, and vulnerable, as he looks down at the concrete floor.

Sebastian begins to pace, "what exactly are you sorry for, Chris? For neglecting to tell me about your little thing that could fuck up your entire career? For ruining my weekly movie night with my sister? What?"

Chris hangs his head, "Sebastian, I-"

"No!"

He throws his glass, and pieces scatter everywhere as it hits the ground. "Tell me what you're fucking sorry for!"

Chris stands up and looks directly into his eyes.

"I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING!"

His outburst not only shocks Sebastian but also himself. He's shaking with emotion and the words just won't stop. "I'm scared! Scared because I feel something for her that I haven't felt since Amanda. Scared because even though it could destroy my entire fucking life, my feelings outweigh that fear. I'm scared because even after betraying my best friend like the coward I am, I still don't want to call this whole thing off!"

Sebastian is staring at him, eyes wide with a mix of emotions. He can see how torn up Chris is over this. If he's being honest with himself, he hasn't seen him this upset since Amanda was diagnosed with leukemia. Sebastian watches him brush a tear from his cheek and turn around.

"I'm sorry I ruined your night, Seb. I'm gonna go."

Even through his anger and jealousy, he still doesn't want Chris to leave. Not like this. "Chris, wait!" He stops and looks over his shoulder, eyes brimming with unshed tears. "Have a drink with me please."

Even though Lily is inside the house she can still hear the two of them. She absolutely hates hearing her brother and his best friend arguing. It doesn't help that she's been in love with Chris since she was fourteen. Of course, neither he nor Sebastian knows this. That wouldn't go over well.

She pulls her knees to her chest and puts her head down to try and drown out their yelling. Lily can't exactly make out what they're saying, but she picks up words here and there. From what she can gather, they seem to be arguing over a girl. How typical, she thinks to herself.

The sound of glass breaking makes her jump and her eyes shut tight. Chris’s loud voice echoes through the thin walls and she's half tempted to intervene. She hears him say that liking this girl could ruin his life and it makes her brows furrow. What does he mean by that?

She gets up to get another cream soda-flavored Dr. Pepper and grabs her phone to text Angie. Anything to distract herself from the fiasco going down on the other side of the wall.

Jessica's eyes widen, "what do you mean something else happened?! Girl, give me the tea!"

Angie blushes and falls backward onto her comforter. "Well, we didn't kiss, but...I did sorta hold his hand for like...I don't know. A minute?"

Jessy squeals, "Ang! Oh, my god! Like are we talking about interlocking fingers or something else?"

"Something else. I was standing next to him up at the whiteboard while he attempted to explain the formulas to me. Of course, I wasn't paying attention because how could I, ya know? He smelled so fucking good, Jessy. God, it was heaven. So, anyway, I desperately wanted to touch him, but I didn't have a reason to. That is until I looked down and saw his watch.

I reached for his hand and wrapped my fingers around his palm. Let me tell you...his hands? Fucking huge. He can curl his fingers over mine for sure. So, he stops talking and I look up at him, right? Jessica...the way this man looked at me… GIRL! When I tell you I became instantly wet…sweet god. He looked at me like he wanted to devour me. I could tell he was nervous though because he sent me on my way."

Jessica is about to respond, but Angie's text tone stops her. "It's Lily. What are she and Seb up to?"

She watches as Ang taps her thumbs across the keyboard at lightning speed.

"Um...well, things aren't going well."

Jess scoots closer to Angie so she can look at the screen. Three little dots appear and they wait in anticipation. The moment she reads her response, her blood runs cold. Sebastian must have seen his number when she ran into him earlier.

"Ang…," tears pool in her eyes as she sucks in a sharp breath, "this is all my fault!"

Angie types a quick reply and turns sideways to face her friend. "Honey, what do you mean? You're not seriously blaming yourself for having a panic attack, are you? 'Cause that definitely does not make this your fault."

Jessica shakes her head and paws at the tear tracks on her cheeks. "I was distracted earlier...after choir...a-and I ran into Sebastian by accident. Felt like a fucking brick wall, but that's beside the point. Chris had given me his number on a little scrap of paper and I was too stupid to tear it up after putting him in my phone. Guess what fell out when he was helping me get my books that were scattered everywhere? That fucking piece of paper."

She buries her head in her hands, "I'm so goddamn stupid! Fuck! I bet Chris hates me."

Angie pulls her into a hug. "Hey, Jessy, listen to me, okay? It was an accident. Chris doesn't hate you. He was probably terrified Sebastian would rat you guys out, but Lily said Chris told him he was willing to risk everything despite the consequences."

She turns the phone so Jessica can read it. "See? This man is crazy about you!"

She watches the three dots appear on Ang's phone, and when the next message appears all the color drains from her face. "A-Ang? Um...s-she thinks Sebastian is jealous…"

The brunette frowns, "what do you mea-" She stops as her eyes scan the words Lily sent back. Her gaze snaps to Jessica's a second later. "Whoa...Jess, this is big. I mean, do you like Seb?"

She wipes her eyes with her shirt and sniffles, "I mean...I…," she sighs, "he's hot, like really hot, but Chris just...he makes me feel...I don't know…"

Angie takes her hands and looks seriously into her eyes. "Alive?" She finishes for her.

Jessica looks up sharply, "yes," she breathes. That's it exactly! How did you know?"

Ang turns her eyes to the open window, the passing cars becoming a brief distraction. She can't help the thick tears that fall down her own cheeks. "Because it's how I feel about Mr. H…"

Tom is sitting silently against the wall of his bedroom. He's still in his work clothes, having been too preoccupied to change. He's thinking about her. She's all he can think about since he first laid eyes on her earlier that morning.

He sighs and gently leans his head back against the wall. How can one woman make him feel like this? Tom can still feel her tiny hand in his, gripping it so softly. He hated sending her away, but he knew if he didn't he'd have taken her right there on his desk. Her long, dark hair, that perfect, curvy frame, those big, innocent doe eyes...God!

Tom closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He knows how dangerous it will be for him if he goes through with this, but then he remembers Chris’s words from earlier. Go with what your heart says. He already knows what it's saying, it rang loud and clear the moment he saw Angie.

He wants her.

Tom gets to his feet and grabs his laptop. He knows what he's about to do is breaking roughly five school rules, but, at this point, he’s thrown caution to the wind. His leg bounces impatiently while he waits for his computer to boot up. Finally, he finds the file he's looking for. His third-hour class roster.

He scrolls down to Angie's name and double-clicks on the info tab next to her picture. Tom types her cell phone number into a new text message conversation and sends a quick message before he can change his mind. God, he hopes she doesn't freak out over this.

Tom stares at his phone screen with a smile on his face. He's surprisingly calm given the gravity of the conversation he just had. This will be the first real date he's had in years. All of his past flings were mostly one-night stands that led to awkward mornings and the famous walk of shame to his car.

He bites his lip as he re-reads Angie's messages. He can practically hear the confident, borderline bratty tone in her words. He's going to have to show her who's in charge once, no if, they ever get to that point. He'll never force her into anything she isn't comfortable with. Especially since they have a considerably large age gap. Although, the thought of her beneath him, writhing under his touch gives him the most beautiful image in his mind. He can almost hear her sweet voice moan his name. "Fuck!" He groans. She's going to be the death of him.

Jessica looks into her friend's eyes with shock. "So you…you wanna be with Mr. Hiddleston? Like in a relationship?"

Angie nods, "yeah, I just don't think he would do something like that though."

"Why do you think that?" Jess asks.

Angie shrugs and swipes her sleeve over her eyes, drying her remaining tears. "He just...he doesn't give off the vibe that says 'I'd break the rules to be with you', ya know? I mean, I'm pretty sure he's attracted to me. We've kinda established that already, but I-"

Ang's phone screen lights up notifying her of a new text message.

"You think it's Lily giving us an update?"

Jess watches her unlock it, her eyes immediately widen and she gasps. "It's...it's him!"

Jessica bounces with excitement. "OH, MY GOD! Ang! What did he say?!" She flips the phone, letting Jess read. "Dude, I fuckin' told you he had it bad for you!"

Angie shakes her head. "I don't know, love. This doesn't really mean he's "got it bad" for me…"

Jessy watches her type back to him and scoffs, "babe, are you kidding?! This man probably just went against protocol and got your phone number from the school's website. I think that speaks for itself, don't you?"

"Yeah, I suppose you're right." Her eyes go wide, "Oh, my god! Ahh! I've got a date Saturday! He wants me to come over to eat and watch a movie!"

Jessica hugs her tight, "that's amazing, love!" I wish I had the courage to text Chris…"

"Gimme your phone."

She gapes at her, "Ang, wha-"

She holds out her hand and raises an eyebrow. "Jessy, hand it over. You're not chickening out. Not when that blue-eyed heartthrob literally made 'fuck me' eyes at you nearly the entire class period."

She reluctantly hands Angie her phone and watches as she types a quick message. "And now we wait!"

Jessica looks at her phone, the two little words Angie wrote make her heart race. Is he still at Sebastian’s? Will he want to talk to her? She doesn't have to wait long because the three dots suddenly appear at the bottom of her screen. "Oh, god! He's typing!"

Chris’s message appears and a flood of warmth jolts through her body like a tidal wave. "He called me sweetheart!"

Angie grins, "girl work your magic and get yourself a date!"

Jessica bites her lip and thinks for a moment. "Alright, wish me luck!"

Chris slowly walks back into Sebastian’s garage, his eyes looking anywhere but at his friend.

"Here, man. I still have a six-pack of your favorite." Sebastian hands him a beer and sits down. "Please sit. I wanna hear your side of it."

He swipes a large hand over his beard and takes a seat next to Sebastian. "I um...well, you already know what happened at the park with Dodge. She looked so beautiful, Seb. I…she was like an angel. It took my breath away. I planned on asking her to get a cup of coffee with me, but she said she had to go eat and prepare for school before I had the chance."

He cracks open the beer can and takes a long pull. "I-I…I guess I thought she meant college. Then when I saw her in my class I just...I froze. Lily's friend, the brunette...I think her name is Angie, must have told Jess I was staring at her cause she looked up at me and immediately began panicking.

I didn't want her to freak out so I slipped her a note telling her to see me after class. That backfired too. She had an anxiety attack right in front of me, Sebastian. I didn't know what to do so I locked the door to my room and took her in my arms. It was all I could think of to try and calm her down. I held her while she cried and I shushed her until she was able to breathe normally again. That's when she looked at me.

Seb, I… I couldn't even begin to explain what it felt like to see her looking at me like that. Eyes wet with tears, pink, chapped lips, her fucking perfectly curled hair...fuck, man. I couldn't breathe. Before I could think twice about it, I asked if I could kiss her, and when she said yes, every last shred of my self-control flew out the window."

Sebastian waited patiently for Chris to finish. He took in every word, and even though a pang of jealousy squeezed his heart when he said he kissed her, he still kept his composure. Chris is looking at him, clearly waiting for him to say something. He leans back in his chair and sighs,

"So, you really like her, huh?"

Chris nods, "I do...I really do."

Seb finishes his beer and grabs another. "I'm sorry I acted the way I did. You didn't deserve that."

Chris shakes his head, "no Seb. You had every right to be mad at me."

"No, I didn't. I was more upset with myself. I've been...in a funk lately, and I used this situation as an excuse to vent my anger. It wasn't the right thing to do and I'm sorry."

Chris sets his beer down on the floor and stands. "Come here."

Sebastian cocks an eyebrow but slowly walks toward him anyway. "Look, man, if you're gonna hit me I-"

Chris pulls him into a hug and claps him on the back. "I forgave you the moment it happened." He pulls back to continue, but his phone's text tone interrupts him.

They both look over at it laying face up on the arm of the chair. "It's her, isn't it?" Sebastian asks.

Chris swipes his unlock pattern and opens the new message, his lips curling up into a bright smile. "Yeah, it is."

Sebastian glances at his watch, "shit, man. I didn't realize how late it was. I have like forty journal entries to read and respond to. You're welcome to stay and hang out if you want though."

Chris shakes his head. "Nah, I gotta feed Dodger and take him out. I'm sure he's made a mess of the living room by now. Thank you for uh...for listening to me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."

Sebastian holds up his hand. "It's alright, we're good. I'll see you tomorrow bright and early."

Chris walks back to his truck and turns on the classic rock station. He's over the moon that Jessica texted him, and he's even more excited for this weekend. Now he has to figure out what he's going to cook for her.

Sebastian walks back into his house and finds the TV off and their snacks cleaned up. It dawns on him that Lily most likely heard most of everything that happened. He's really going to have to make it up to her now.

He sets two big stacks of composition notebooks on his dining room table and begins reading. Most of the entries are about the same. Stories about their siblings, how many pets they have, and the family vacations they take with their parents.

He pulls the next one off the pile and stops. Written in neat handwriting is Jessica's name. He swallows hard and slowly opens it to the first page. The more he reads, the more his heart aches. This beautiful woman seems to have had a tough life, and he tries not to imagine to what extent that is. His response is simple, and he knows it's a can of worms he shouldn't open, but what kind of teacher would he be if he didn't at least offer her an outlet to vent her feelings? It is the whole purpose of the journal assignments, and he's just doing his job. That's it. Sebastian signs his name and moves it to the completed pile. He rubs his eyes and groans. This is going to be a long night.

#j snow writes #golden lines chapter four #golden lines #chris evans #chris evans fic #chris evans x ofc #sebastian stan #sebastian stan fic #sebastian stan x ofc #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic #tom hiddleston x ofc #real person fiction #rpf

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astrangedoor · 5 months ago

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fav song gaaame - share some of your favorite songs right now thankbs @lealdog for tagging me <3 CHIHIRO by Billie Eilish - there's only a few songs i like from her new album but this melodically hits so well and i love how high it's written. the runs are also very satisfying. lyrically fun to sing along with and the rhyme is well done but i'm just here for the music honestly The Summoning by Sleep Token - not a day goes by where i wish more of their repertoire was like this song. it's long as balls but i don't even notice it. vocals are sick. high notes are delicious and the singer's vibrato is delicious. fantastic lyrically as well. edgy but i like that. reminds me of my own very dark sad depressed teenage 'poetry' (we all know i'm still like this except i'm almost 40) absolute fucking masterpiece i wish i could dissolve this song in water and drink it Colors by Solar - kpop mention but make it extremely gay. this is a deep house song and the MV had vogueing and queers in it. if i went to the club this would be what i'd dance to. lyrically a masterpiece. no further explanation needed

Sugar bomb by ME:I - rare jpop mention since almost none of what i like to listen to is on spotify. i've missed overly sweet pop in my playlist and this one really scratches that itch. lyrically it's what you'd expect but i love the way they play with spelling and random english

Empire Now by Hozier - ah yes my musical hyperfixation. i don't think i'll ever be over him. my fav part of this song is the sliding western guitar and the full octave raise. his falsetto is sickening and i need to spread it on toast and devour it. also the only artist whose lyrics make my briefs quake. bravo, andrew liMOusIne (feat. AURORA) by Bring Me The Horizon - not much on their new album that hits right but this sounds exactly like Deftones so i like it. some parts of it sounds like 2000s limp bizkit and that also tickles me bc i was a nu-metal teen. not paying attention to the lyrics bc its bmth lmao Graveyard Whistling by Nothing But Thieves - this singer could sing the phonebook to me and i'd love it. that said this song is lyrically so heart wrenching to someone like me who struggles with letting things go and then as if that wasn't enough the melody and instrumental make me ascend. vocal techniques are impeccable once again and i love the grandiose feel of the last chorus. undoubtedly a song that would make me bawl if i ever saw it live

And finally, Sedated by Hozier - here he is again, fuckin andrew. like i said, this guy makes me insane both lyrically and vocally and if i could make love to his voice i would. listening to his music feels like ur horny but also crying profusely and by god, ur enjoying every minute of it. the lyrics of this song make me reconsider quitting my antidepressants (affectionate) and then the fucking composition of it musically??? he weaves musical motifs like a wizard and i want to apprentice myself to him at all costs. andrew meet me in the parking lot after work we need to talk about how you need to accept my soul as payment for your tutelage. be my patron i'll be your warlock andrew i beg you

tagging @jauffre show us all the sad girl (gendy nooch) songs you've been into lately

#fang.txt #music #i hope the links work #i'm super foggy

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misaverawrites · 2 years ago

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Hey I have an Amelia Shepherd X fem reader request.

Reader is Carina DeLuca's sister, who is a trauma/neuro surgeon and Amelia basically has a massive crush on her and Amelia gets flustered and (turned on) whenever R speaks Italian. Arizona notices and teases Amelia, (this eventually leading to smut. Only if you see fit with the request.)

Mia Amore (Amelia Shepherd x F!Reader)

tags: google translate italian, trauma surgeon!reader, bad head injuries to children, medical inaccuracies(?), Amelia is stupid horny for you, kissing, female reader, heavy makeout session, implied smut

summary: You meet Doctor Shepherd, and she falls hard.

a/n: i absolutely don't know italian so the Italian is from google translate lol

You remembered the day your little brother had started working at Grey-Sloan very well, it was the day that you had the pleasure of meeting the loveliest Doctor in Seattle: Amelia Frances Shepherd. Your sister had gotten you a job at Grey-Sloan quickly, she mentioned having an in with their head of trauma, you don't think on it much, you don't really want to.

Now, you sit in the passenger's seat of the sibling carpool, Carina gives you a smile as Andrew studies over his notes, anxious and antsy for the intern's test today, the thing his residency depended on. You turn around to look at him, "Andrew, honey, you'll be alright. We've helped you study and you've studied enough yourself. You know what you're doing. Don't psyche yourself out."

Carina nods as you turn back to stare out the window, "So," She asks you, "Little sister, anyone you've had your eyes on since coming to Seattle?"

You roll your eyes, "None of your business, Carina. Unless we wanna talk about Andrew and Meredith Grey?" You joke as Andrew shakes his head, still staring down his notes. Carina laughs but goes back to focusing on you, "I just want to know, because, I may have mentioned you to a few of the other doctors around the hospital... Sorry!" You roll your eyes, playfully glaring at your sister, "Well just so you quit doing that. There is one woman..." This makes your sister practically perk up, it even draws Andrew's attention away from his notes, "Seriously? You have to tell us."

You sigh, knowing that today was going to be a long day, "Ugh, you two, I swear... Okay, it's Doctor Shepherd, the neurosurgeon? Meredith Grey's-." You're cut off by Carina, "Owen's ex-wife?" She seems amused by the fact but you just nod, then, the conversation ends there, she keeps an amused smile on her face, as if she isn't telling you something, but when she pulls onto hospital property, dropping the two of you off outside of the E.R. You walk in with Andrew, but before he leaves to go upstairs you pull him close to you, leaving a small kiss on his forehead. "No matter what happens, you'll make it through. I promise." He nods before walking off, that's when you hear the sounds of an ambulance outside. It's one of the constants of the E.R. You find the stress a bit relaxing, you run over to the entrance, pulling a trauma gown on haphazardly. "Give me a rundown!" You call the EMT, who nods, "Penetrating head injury through and through!" You nod, rushing inside alongside the EMTs, "Get me trauma three!" You push your hair back, "And page Amelia Shepherd!" You inspect the wound, it's straight through like they said, the trauma doors slide open and Amelia walks through, "Dr. (L/N)- Oh shit!" She says, looking at the boy, his breathing is balanced, for now.

"He needs surgery soon... We have no way to know about the damage if this stays in for too long, did any family come in with him?" You hadn't noticed earlier but now you do remember, a mother, sobbing and pleading with you to save her child. "Merda..." You curse softly, "Non passo farlo, casso." Amelia looks intriguingly at you, "What's up?" She asks you, as you shake your head, "I just can't... We gotta get him into surgery. Now." She nods as you look back at her. "Page me when it's time, I gotta go tell the mom, page Robbins too." Amelia doesn't respond, simply wheels the boy out, "O.R. Four!" She calls as you walk away, nodding.

You listen to the mother, she tells you everything she knows, her son had always done archery with his friend and things had gotten out of hand, she then began to sob again, you called a social worker awkwardly to help her before rushing to the O.R.

When you get inside the O.R. Amelia is flushed, you can see it even with her surgical mask covering her face. Arizona has a glint of mischief in her eyes, you look around at the situation, and she looks even more flushed when she realizes that it is you who walked in, “Doctor (L/N)...!” She looks as though she’s been caught doing something wrong, “W-We got the arrow out, it’s just a matter of… Of making sure brain function is still working. He is still breathing fine though and all seems well.” Arizona giggles at her stuttering and stammering over her words as if she isn’t a surgeon in a class of her own. You smile, you’re overwhelmingly pleased by the boy and his survival chances, the excitement bringing out more of your accent, “Grazie mille, Amelia!” You think of the mother, not even noticing the red on Amelia’s face, which is a bright hue of scarlet. You barely notice it, smiling at her, she only knows because of the way that she looks at your eyes right now, which glimmer with hope for your patient.

You leave to go inform the mother, whilst Amelia closes up on the boy. Arizona quietly laughs as Amelia groans, “Arizona, that was awful. I can barely talk to her and I want to date her?!” Arizona rolls her eyes, “You also almost slept with her sister and her department head. It’s not like you’re completely disastrous.” She teases her friend, Amelia glares as she begins to wheel the boy out of the O.R. Arizona’s words echoed in the back of her mind, She’s right. Amelia knows that she should just tell you and maybe it is that simple, but, you’re special to her. When the two take the boy to his hospital room, his mother is still talking to you so Arizona subtly elbows Amelia, who nods, she uses this moment to try even slightly to settle her nerves. The boy’s mother smiles and thanks you one last time, “Make sure they aren’t alone with the bows and arrows, alright?” You warn her one last time as she nods, sitting in the chair, holding her son’s hand.

You, Arizona, and Amelia step out to give them some space. Arizona’s pager beeps as she runs off, leaving just you and Amelia. You stand together, it’s quiet, not awkward, Amelia is bursting on the inside, nervous, she could tell you… It can’t be worse if you know, the worst thing is hearing no. She stares at your lips, watching you, your contentment. Everything falls away and it’s just you.

“(Y/N)...”

“Amelia…”

You both laugh a bit when the both of you cutting each other off was just proving that you were both waiting for something. “Amelia, I wanted to say, God… This is hard,” you laugh a bit, “I really like you… I’m not really sure if you like girls but-.” Amelia nods, pulling you close to her, lips crashing into yours. This is happening and you decide in the back of your head, later that day, as you lie in a haze of euphoria, that she definitely likes girls.

#amelia shepherd #amelia shepard #amelia shepherd x reader #amelia shepard x reader #grey's anatomy #greys anatomy #greys abc #greys #grey's anatomy fanfiction #grey's anatomy x reader #grey's anatomy imagine

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spikybanana · 2 years ago

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Deep breath,,,, okay. Thanks for coming up with this ask game @heartofspells! (speaking of— forgive me if I've simply missed it but you don't seem to have told us yours? what's up with that!) and thank you for tagging me @tracingpatternswrites @sliebman10 !! am honoured to be considered enough of a writer for this haha, since I've barely completed anything besides microfics, but hey I rly hope some of these happen at some point so!

We all have those lists, right? The ones that just build and build, filled with ideas we don’t know if we’ll ever actually make something out of or not.

Tell me about those (if you want and are willing; i understand sometimes ideas sit closely for a reason).

Which ones are you the most excited about?

Waltz No.19 this is technically a wip not an idea, and was going to be just the figure skating fic but now I'm dumping my brain into it. it's like I can't make something niche enough. you mean you'd willing read thousands of words' worth of stilted prose about a sport I don't even do? how about wolfstar being asexual? oh and did I mention I'm making remus half-chinese? anyway this fic lives in my head so much I don't even know how to talk about it anymore?? again I'm a baby writer so this will take months but eh. I'll wait for it. (tysm for friends who've let me ramble a bit about this one I love you)

What’s one you don’t think you’ll ever follow through with, and why?

oh oh OH there was that one where wolfstar accidentally had a child in first war but sirius didn't know about it, and it's PoA compliant only because remus modified his own memories. then one day in grimmauld place sirius finds remus sitting with a vial containing his own 12 years of lost memories. i don't think there's a single happy thing about this so lol, no.

Are any of them just left to rest because you need to talk them out more and haven’t? If so, maybe someone will see this and help!

these... I don't know when or if these will ever happen. I don't even know if these are the kinds of stories that fics are. but uk.

this time-travelling magical realism ish thing of historian? sirius accidentally falling into the life of the young werewolf who lived during the fork in the road of an ancient-ish community's fate. at the same time remus, who is desperately trying to hold together a world that's falling apart, wakes up in a dystopian future, and is recruited by mcgonagall's office for intel about remaining scraps of werewolf communities. it'll be prosey it'll be pretty (hopefully) and I have no idea what this is. I really have not read/written nearly enough for this ahaha if I write it now it'll be so boring

I watched tick tick boom three times in a row and started a fic where remus lupin goes to new york and meets jonathan larson. remus is busking on the streets when jon picks him up to play at the workshop for a musical called Superbia. there's. no. plot. just the fact that jon and remus are the same age and also andrew garfield. I'd love for this to be some sort of andrew garfield trivia easter egg crack fic but I actually know nothing about andrew garfield. also it got sad because remus is Running From Himself etc etc

oscar wilde-esque sirius??? quiet gentleman remus who sirius initially sneers at for being so plain and conforming but ends up discovering whole worlds with?? I'm just waiting for that oscar wilde phase to tick off to make this happen

on another note, I suck at talking to people so much. but others have told me I'm an alright listener ...? so if any of you ever want I'd love— I'd be honoured— to listen to rambles about ideas

and um open tag! but pls tag me back if you see this and do it!

#tag game #my wips

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vroomvroommuppett · 3 years ago

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𝚜𝚊𝚢 𝚗𝚘 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜

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☀︎︎ 𝚜𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝚢/𝚗 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚗 𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚝. 𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚞𝚊𝚕 𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚢 𝚋𝚊𝚕𝚕, 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚘𝚕𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛, 𝚖𝚊𝚡 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚛, 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚍𝚞𝚌𝚎𝚜 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚛 𝚛𝚎𝚒𝚍, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚏𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚒𝚗 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚍. 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚞𝚙 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊 𝚏𝚎𝚠 𝚔𝚒𝚍𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚊𝚢. 𝚋𝚞𝚝, 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚜 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛. 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚢/𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚘𝚗 𝚊 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚙 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚒𝚛 𝚔𝚒𝚍𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚜 𝚘𝚗 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚖𝚊𝚡? 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚐𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚘𝚛 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚑𝚒𝚖?

☀︎︎ 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚌𝚛𝚒𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚛𝚘𝚜𝚜𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 , 𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚗 𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚝. 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚊𝚒𝚍 , 𝚖𝚌𝚐𝚎𝚎 , 𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚘𝚣𝚣𝚘 , 𝚙𝚊𝚕𝚖𝚎𝚛 , 𝚍𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚢 , 𝚐𝚒𝚋𝚋𝚜 , 𝚊𝚋𝚋𝚢 (𝚊𝚋𝚋𝚜) , 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚣𝚒𝚟𝚊 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚗𝚌𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜 , 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚣𝚒𝚟𝚊 𝚗𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎𝚜

☀︎︎ 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚍 𝚒𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜, 𝚎𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚝𝚊𝚐 𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝙾𝚁 𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚜𝚔 𝙾𝚁 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝

☀︎︎ 𝚙𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐 : spencer x max; mentioned spencer reid x ncis!fem!reader

☀︎︎ 𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚐𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 : angst

☀︎︎ 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚝 : 397 words

☀︎︎ 𝚋𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚍𝚒𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚎 , 𝚋𝚘𝚕𝚍 𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝚒𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚣𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚜𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝚕𝚢𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚜

☀︎︎ 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝙳𝙾 𝙽𝙾𝚃 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔. 𝚒 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚐𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝 𝚖𝚢 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔𝚜. 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚌𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝙼𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃 𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚖𝚢 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚔𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚘𝚗 𝙼𝚈 𝚠𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚙𝚊𝚍

there's nothing like summer in the city

someone under stress meets someone looking pretty

there's trouble in the air, you can smell it

and alexander's by himself

i'll let him tell it

you and spencer now have four beautiful children. the first two were twins. spencer matthew and ella louise. two years later you had perrie amelia. and just recently, you had thomas “tom” andrew. you still worked for ncis and spencer the bau. you took your kids on a trip, leaving spencer to work. but little did you know, your life was about to flip upside down.

while you were away, spencer got lonely, and invited max over. at the time, he didn’t think much of it, and what would happen. a few drinks later and the two of them were having sex. it went on and on for a while. even when you were at work and spencer was “at work”, when he really was at max’s.

but, max forgot to tell spencer one thing: she was married. once her husband got wind of the affair, he sent a letter to spencer.

dear sir, i hope this letter finds you in good health

and in a prosperous enough position to put wealth

in the pockets of people like me

down on their luck

you see, that was my wife who you decided to

you made the wrong sucker a cuckold

so time to pay the piper for the pants you unbuckled

and hey, you can keep seein' my whore wife

if the price is right

if not, i’m telling your wife

so spencer went to max’s and had her explain the letter. it was a back and forth battle of if max knew of the letter.

“why didn't you tell me you were married, maxine?!”

“he’s abusing me! i wanted someone who actually might love me. and i have had feelings for you ever since i met you in the park, but i let my feelings go for my sister”

“i’m sorry, but i can’t do this anymore, max”

she said

please don't leave me with him! i’m helpless!

but spencer did. on his way to max’s husband’s office to pay, he mumbled to himself

say no to this, i don't say no to this

there is nowhere I can go

he paid her husband and no one spoke of it, or so he thought.

@bau-jj @kuolonsyoja @1234-angelika @mvlanchqly @bvttercupbby @sunshinepower17 @obsessedwithjustaboutanything @poetryloki

@imnotsomewhore @oreogutz @aayaissaa @sonnydoesrandomshit @aluxya @izzyl13 @sunshinepower17 @mypainistemporary-blog @wanniiieeee @flipperpenguins @bau-jj @bvttercupbby @poetryloki @1234-angelika @cutiebandlover202 @hotchscotchh @kuolonsyoja

#spencer reid #criminal minds #cm #max brenner #spencer reid series #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x max brenner #hamilton #hamilton series

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jingerhead · 3 years ago

Text

I posted 1,189 times in 2021

267 posts created (22%)

922 posts reblogged (78%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 3.5 posts.

I added 2,208 tags in 2021

#aftg - 651 posts

#jinger's recs - 360 posts

#random thoughts from jinger - 213 posts

#aftg fanart - 182 posts

#aftg fanfic - 149 posts

#jinger's works - 148 posts

#beefy andrew supremacy - 134 posts

#andreil - 129 posts

#tfc - 121 posts

#all for the game - 121 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#oh man just the thought of him dying andrews hair 🥺🥺🥺🥺 the trust oh him working the dye into andrews hair and washing out in the shower

My Top Posts in 2021

Idk if this counts as a prompt but i LOVE anything where neil is a better flirt than andrew and andrew gets all flustered in his andrew way

AH YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT

Side note: I am a horrible flirt. Like, the absolute worst. But I'm gonna try my best for this, I hope you like it anon!

(listen I'd like to thank @paradoxolotl for helping me so much I literally don't know how to do it I owe her my life)

~*~

It was a well known fact that Neil Josten's mouth had gotten him in trouble on more than one occasion. Sometimes it was irritating, and other times Andrew's mind went blank after hearing some kind of witty retort Neil would throw at someone. Which wasn't a problem, because Andrew had enough self control to not 'panic' when something like this happened. Usually he just removed himself from the situation, knowing that Neil could fight his own battles perfectly fine.

But this...was nothing like cutting comebacks.

You see, somehow, someway, Andrew had decided to start flirting with Neil Josten. It had started long before that kiss on the rooftop or that one night at Eden's, and now he was...really trying, he supposed. This entire past week he'd tried saying a few lines that only seemed to confuse Neil, but it hadn't taken long for Andrew to learn that the ones that really got to Neil were nothing about his appearance. One time Andrew had been listening to Neil talk out loud about a math problem he was having trouble with, and without thinking he'd just decided to say, "You're smart."

It was entertaining to see the way Neil's eyes had widened in surprise.

Keep Reading...

272 notes • Posted 2021-08-21 02:32:42 GMT

aftg headcanons of neil + fruits or other teams meeting the exy-sport-running-obsessed mess that is neil josten and kevin day?

Ahhhhhh I'll answer this while I finish up other requests :)

I love the headcanon that Neil really enjoys fruits and isn't really into much other sweets.

He really likes blackberries and raspberries. If they get a carton while on a grocery run, it'll likely be gone by the next day. He will risk a stomachache to do this. Every time Andrew spots him eating out of the carton like a maniac, he'll remind Neil that he's going to feel awful later. Neil always ignores this and refuses to complain but he will pout.

He also likes oranges. He's a monster that will eat the zest. He's horrified SO many people because of this.

He will also eat a lemon without flinching? It's an awful experience and he doesn't like lemons but one time he and Kevin had been arguing, he accidentally grabbed a lemon instead of an orange and pealed it and went to eat it. Kevin was stunned to silence and Neil immediately regretted everything but he refused to back down so he just ate it. And now it's just something he does through sheer willpower alone.

He isn't that into strawberries? He'll eat them if they're around and there's no other option, but they're not his favorites.

Blueberries are untrustworthy. They're either super sour or mushy and gross, so he avoids them at all costs.

Neil only eats green grapes and he's very passionate about it. Anytime anyone mentions any other type of grape he will rant about how green grapes are the only type worth eating and he doesn't even have a very good argument about it? When anyone asks him why his default answer is because, "They're not mushy and don't taste bland."

Read The Long List of HCs Here...

282 notes • Posted 2021-06-08 16:58:30 GMT

512 notes • Posted 2021-11-21 05:29:25 GMT

For 100-follower-day prompts: Neil trying to explain the differences between beefy twinyards to the other foxes (or, alternatively, trying to explain how he tells the difference WITHOUT mentioning the beefiness 👀)? Love your stuff btw, thanks for all you do!

Now this is quality content, thank you so much, lovely!! Here's a short:

They were trying to trick him again.

Neil and Kevin had gone to the court for some early practice before actual practice, and now Neil was paying the price for not traveling with Andrew. He and Aaron had dressed in baggy black sweatshirts, thick sweatpants, and only wore socks on their feet. Andrew had removed his earrings and Aaron had styled his hair like Andrew's. The rest of the Foxes were sitting in the lounge, smirking amongst themselves and snickering once in a while, no doubt at whatever face Neil currently had on his face.

"You guys..." he huffed. There had to be a bet of some kind, and a good one, too. The only reason Andrew and Aaron went along with bets were if the prize was worth it.

"Go on, Neil," Allison said cheerfully. She was the organizer, no doubt.

"This isn't funny," Neil said lowly. "And it's getting old."

"You only say that because you lost last time," Matt replied with a loud laugh.

Neil didn't loose last time, because there was no bet last time. Last time, Andrew was being a dick, and Neil had been feeling sick and miserable. Aaron shouldn't have walked into their dorm that day if he didn't want to get mistaken for his brother.

"Just guess, Neil," Allison said.

Keep Reading...

755 notes • Posted 2021-06-16 00:49:07 GMT

My multi-chaptered wip: *sobbing* please....just update me once...it's been 2 months...

Me, writing another domestic-fluff oneshot: no

2563 notes • Posted 2021-06-18 14:44:58 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #jinger's works #random thoughts from jinger #aftg #aftg fanfic #beefy andrew supremacy

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ambivalent-anarchy · 4 years ago

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Defending Peter Parker (Round 2: Tom Holland)

Here <- Andrew Garfield

Soooooo I'm doing this cuz I'm bored to show y'all how dumb some of your arguments and criticisms of the live action spidermen are. I did Garfield already. I'll do Maguire if someone shows me where people have hated on his spidey cuz all I ever see for him is people treating him like he's the most perfect Peter Parker to ever exist. I'd never tell anyone how they're "supposed" to feel about a situation so I won't do that and also don't take this seriously I'm just a dumb teenager. I'm just taking the dumb opinions y'all like to pass as fact and rebutting them with actual facts.

"hE's OnLy So PoPuLaR bEcAuSe He'S hOt"

😐If this is your main critique of Tom Holland's spiderman, pls go find another one. This is so overused. The "they're only famous cuz they're hot" excuse has been used for every hot actor/actress ever. At this point, it isn't even real criticism, you just come off as lame. And yeah, alot of people like him because he's hot, but that's definitely not the only reason.

"hE's NoT sPiDeRmAn. He'S iRoNbOy!"

UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH okay let's get to it. (If you can't tell, I really hate this argument)

1) Let's be real. The fandom pushed irondad wayyyy more than the actual movies did.

2) If you still use this argument after Far From Home, you missed the whole point of what FFH was supposed to be.

I was scrolling through tumblr and I saw a great point that someone made.

That entire movie was about him coming into his own as a hero, facing his problems head-on, and dealing with the threat by himself. That was the point of the whole movie. Yes, he had the Stark tech to help him make a suit, but he designed it himself, and then he went up against a threat that had incredibly powerful Stark tech at their disposal and still won. By himself. Everyone was asking who the next Iron Man would be and Happy even flat out said "You're not Iron Man." Because he isn't. He came into his own. He is established now.

Peter started the movie a bit lost without Tony and just wanting to deny his responsibilities and get away for a while.

He ended the movie finally accepting himself for who he was and even having to fight against Stark technology. He had to rely on himself and instead of worrying about this title that's been put on him, he has to just go with his own instincts (all the way down to his web shooters running out and having to literally just rely on his mind and his body) and look his responsibilities in the face. Idk a better way for him to have broken out of being "ironboy".

3) Plus, they needed some way to bring Spiderman into the MCU. And Tony is practically the MCU's Bruce Wayne when it comes to "adopting" children. Of course he was gonna be the one to bring him in.

"He HaS tOo MaNy MeNtOrS! tHeY nEeD tO sToP hOlDiNg HiM bAcK aNd LeT hIm GrOw Up AnD bE aLoNe!"

Hahaha no.

Tony- okie dokie that's only one

Happy- Happy Hogan is not Peter's mentor. He literally helped him out in ONE scene. That is not enough to be a mentor.

Mysterio- He is also not a mentor. Storywise, he was Peter's scapegoat to caste his responsibilities onto because he didn't want them/feel he was worthy of them. And then later he was a villain. Just because the two have one small pep talk, doesn't mean he's a mentor.

I think most ppl that say this stuff really just don't want Peter to have any help. What you guys fail to realize is that getting help does not make you any less of a hero. You can still be a solo hero and get a peptalk every now and then. Batman, Superman, Ironman. They all get help from people in their movies and I don't see anyone complaining about it or saying they need to be alone.

Also, grow up? This dude is literally a sophmore/junior in high school. They talk so much about how he's literally a kid. Alot of the spiderman comics take place with him still being in high school. He doesn't have to be an adult. And as far as maturity goes, it's not like he's a dumb kid. He's just a teen doing what teens do.

"nO uNcLe BeN!"

Come on guys. How many times have we seen this origin story? We all know it.

The story takes place when he's ALREADY spiderman so Uncle Ben is ALREADY dead. (They even have his suitcase in FFH). Just because they don't really mention it doesn't mean it didn't happen. We don't need to see the same origin story again. I mean, does every Batman movie mention Bruce's parents dying in the alley? No. Cuz we all already know it does. Origin stories are integral but the MCU wasn't erasing his, they were simply just starting after it.

And in every spidey story Uncle Ben always teaches him "with great power comes great responsibility". Well if you watch the movies, MCU Peter learns his lessons in responsibilities sooooo we're covered there.

"When you can do the things that can, but you don't, and then the bad things happen, they happen because of you."

Yeah yeah we all love Uncle Ben but him already passing doesn't mean the story's bad. That's just where they wanted to start lol.

"ThErE's No ReAl CoNsEqUeNcEs WhEn If LoSeS!"

Homecoming: If Vulture would've won, there would've been more easily accessible alien weapons available for criminals like the Shocker, the Tinkerer, etc. Also Vulture would have been a criminal loose on the streets. Regardless of his intentions, he was a guy willing to kill for what he wanted.

FFH: What Mysterio was doing, even though it was an illusion, was actually causing casualties. His workers talked about it to him over and over again. Especially if the last attack in London (i think?) would have worked, alot of people would have died. Also the world would have been tricked into depending on someone that actually couldn't really keep them safe.

Lol but regardless, Peter doesn't have to be dealing with a gigantic threat. The whole thing about being a superhero is doing what's right, regardless of how big or small the situation is. He's literally fought with the Avengers. I think he's proven himself.

All in all Tom Holland is the best (for me personally). I never have an issue when he's on screen and he's really just so awesome😊

Tagging great ppl: @allegra-writes , @yumings , @spideyyeet , @sunkissedspidey , @tommyunderoos , @chaoticpete , @sovereignparker , @thesherlockianavenger , @bubblebucky , @eridanuswave , @ithoughtthiswastwitterbutfr , @kidney9-9 , @gwenvrse , @the-weird-bisexual , @kelieah

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tinyboxxtink · 3 years ago

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"Weird Secret Friends" *Chapter 18*

Okay don't hate me that it not's terribly long, but I started a little too late and now it's 3 am. I kinda had a busy day.

But I knew you needed some floof. 😉

Chapter 17

Chapter 19

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

@thatesqcrush

@shittanyy

@mrsrafaelbarba

----

Meanwhile back in your room

The doctors had finally gotten you rebandaged and calm, before leaving you both alone in your room at last.

"Alright now that you're ok…" Rafael gave you a look. "What is wrong with you?! Why would you come here?!"

You made an annoyed face back at him while pointing to your throat. Obviously you weren't going to be able to tell him.

".... Right," Rafael sighed, then saw your phone. He picked it up and handed it to you. You opened the notes app and typed something, then handed it to him.

"You left me," he read aloud. "I didn't! I tried to see you so many times, bur Sonny made it his mission to keep us apart so I--"

You reached over and tapped the phone screen rapidly, emphasizing your statement.

*...I left," he conceded with a defeated look. He knew you were right; he had just taken off without thinking about you, he just knew what he had to do for him and his feelings.

"But you couldn't have just waited for me to come home?" He asked.

You grabbed the phone back and quickly typed a reply, handing it back to him with a cross face.

"How was I supposed to know you would come back?" He read aloud again. "Because it's my home? Because presidential campaigns don't last forever?! Because I love you? Because--"

Your ears perked up and your eyes went wide at the last statement and you clamped your hand on his arm, making him stop listing things.

“What?” He asked. You made a face at him like, “Are you serious?”

“Oh, why are you so shocked? I already told you this?” Rafael asked, completely confused

You realized that everything he said at the apartment was true, you hadn’t made it up.He really did love you. You started to tear up at the fact that you had for once not made up the most beautiful thing anybody has ever told you in your mind. Pretty soon you were full on sobbing thinking about how you had thought about nothing but this moment for so long, through all of the terror and torture you had gone through in the last few weeks.

“Oh my God, Y/N calm down!” He started to freak out while you silently cried, your bandages starting to fill with blood again as your chest heaved from your sobbing.

“Calm down baby, just breathe,” He pressed his forehead against yours, whispering softly.

You took the phone again and tried to calm yourself as you typed quickly, then handed it back to Rafael.He read it out loud:

“I thought I made that up in my drunken, stupid head,” He looked at you with a soft smile. “No you didn't make it up. “In fact, I technically told you twice, if you can remember,”

You took the phone again and typed, “The operating room,”

He nodded back with a yes. “It took me a while to remember it too,”

You did your best not to start crying again from happiness this time because you knew that any sort of major emotion was going to rupture your bandages. So you just gently squeezed Rafael's hand as if to say you loved him back.

“....Okay but that still doesn't excuse you from just taking off without telling anybody, and nearly getting yourself killed!” He scolded you, but kept his head pressed against yours.

“I don't know what I would have done if the chief hadn't found you sooner. I don't want to think about it,” Rafael shook off the intense fear he had had when Andrew had first mentioned you as a Jane Doe, and then told you the horrifying way that he found you.

You took the phone again and began typing away, and once again handed it back to him. He read aloud,

“Yeah, probably not one of my best ideas. But I would have been fine if not for Chicago,”

His face fell and his voice fell soft as he said “In Chicago,” He gave you a very serious look. You had a sad and scared look on your face, as if you were ready for him to start yelling at you again when he found out what happened in Chicago.

“So something bad did happen to you in Chicago,'' he said softly. You nodded in shamed silence. He took your hand. “That nurse said you had severe tearing....down there,”

He took another long pause really not wanting to ask you the question but he had to know. “Did you get assaulted in Chicago?”

You couldn't help it, the question made you break down into silent sobs once again. Your blood began to soak through your bandages. Rafael wrapped his arms around you, trying to calm you down. He looked up to the sky and tried to keep tears in his own eyes as he held you, thinking about the hell you must have gone through to get to him. He felt like all of this was his fault.

“What happened?” He pulled you away from his chest for a second and asked you. You took the phone once again and softly typed a long-winded story then handed the phone back to him, ashamed. He was scared to read it but he knew that he had to if he was going to help you through this.

“I was an idiot,” he stopped. “First of all, no, you're not an idiot. Don't ever say that,” He told you sternly before continuing.

“I hadn't eaten since I left the city, which was about 20 hours and I was starving. There was a two-hour layover, so I went to an ATM and emptied the rest of my bank account so that I could carry cash and stay off the grid. Then I decided to get food down the street but I didn't know that the train station was in such a bad part of Chicago. I should have known,”

He stopped again. “No you shouldn't have, none of this is your fault,”

You shook your head like you didn't believe him, and then tapped the phone, signaling him to keep reading. He sighed reluctantly, but obeyed.

“On my way back to the train station it was dark and this guy asked me if I had the time and when I went to go get my phone he grabbed my purse and somebody else hit me from behind. Next thing I knew when I woke up... “

Rafael paused, he really didn't want to read this part you really didn't. But he knew that if he was going to help you get through this he needed the whole story.

“When I woke up I was… ’stuck’ between two guys while a third one videoed it.They were all laughing and high-fiving each other--”

Rafael stopped once more and put the phone down, unable to bring himself to read the rest. He looked at you and you got ready for the lecture, but to your surprise he just started to cry and crawled into the bed next to you, holding you as close to him as humanly possible.

“I’m so sorry Y/N, fuck I am so so so sorry,” He sobbed into your chest. You shook your head violently, making him look at you while you typed.

“No, it’s not your fault. If I hadn’t been so stupid--” He stopped you from typing any more.

“Alright, enough. You’re not going to blame this on yourself, do you hear me? It is one hundred percent not your fault,”

You typed: “Not your fault either,”

“...Alright fine, if I don’t blame myself will you stop blaming yourself?” He compromised. You nodded ‘Yes’.

And then you typed: “Bad things happen.”

“Yes but too many bad things have happened to you lately, ever since you met me,” He shook his head sadly while stroking your face with his thumb.

“Not true,” you typed. “The best thing happened after I met you,”

“...The amazing sex?” He was finally able to tease you a bit. You nodded vigorously with a silent giggle. “Well yeah, obvi,” You typed. “But also, love,”

“Yes, very true,” He agreed. “But love shouldn’t be this hard, carino,”

You looked at him very seriously before typing “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” He got up from the bed. “I’m saying look where loving me has gotten you! You almost died trying to find me. You got assaulted because I took off on you. Nothing good has happened to you since this started, and loving me doesn’t count because it’s what’s killing you!”

“Okay counterpoint,” You typed furiously. “I almost died trying to find you, and now that I did you’re not going to let that be for nothing, are you?”

“I don’t…” He sighed and sat back on the bed next to you. “No, I guess not. I just--I can’t believe you did this,”

“You’re never getting rid of me,” You typed and then gave him a sly grin.

“Yeah well, I think I already knew that carino,” He chuckled, once again revealing the matching scars you had.

“You’re a part of me,” You typed while he resumed nestling back into your chest.

“So if I need a kidney, we’re square?” He gave you a tongued smile while you hit him playfully. It was then that you realized this entire time since you had been reunited, he hadn’t kissed you. You repeated the gesture of typing and handing him your words, as he read aloud:

“Kiss?” He gave you a look. “Baby I have wanted nothing more since I saw you alive, but I don’t want to...break you, any more than you already are,”

Type type type. Hand. Read.

“...I’m broken without you inside me,” He laughed out loud. “Kinky, carino,”

You gave him a pout before he shook his head with a chuckle, and pulled your face towards him, his lips inching towards yours for the first time in months….

“Alright, Mr. Barba,” Nurse Ratchet aka Laverne busted back in the room with a clipboard. You both snapped to attention at the sudden noise, the moment was gone.

“...The hell is your problem, lady?” Rafael snapped, not moving from your side. In fact, he wrapped a protective arm around you, as if she was going to try and take you from him again.

“Well I’ve spoken to Mr. Carisi, and he tells me that you two shouldn’t be fraternizing, that it’s detrimental to her sobriety,” She informed him with a scornful look.

“Oh for the love of--” He muttered obscenities in Spanish under his breath.

“So I’m afraid at his request, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” She smirked.

“The hell I am,” He held onto you tighter. “Do you have any idea what this girl has been through to get to me? To get to us again?”

“Exactly his point, Mr. Barba,” She crossed her arms. “She clearly has no logical thinking when it comes to you. Her feelings make her completely unstable mentally and lead her into harm’s way, now you don’t want that, do you?”

“No…” He was letting her get in his head, he shifted uncomfortably and started to move his arms away from you but you clenched it to keep him from letting go of you.

Oh no, FUCK this. You did not come this far for your insanely overbearing cousin strong-arming Rafael through a nurse with a ‘mama bear’ complex. You waved your arms back and forth in a big X formation, letting her know Rafael was not going anywhere.

“Sweetie, this is for your own--” She tried the ‘good cop’ bullshit on you, but you weren’t stupid.

You put your hands up to your throat, clutching the bandages around your neck. You tugged at them ever so slightly, a sign you were threatening to rip them off if she didn’t back the hell up, right now. Both Laverne and Rafael reacted, both reaching towards your hands. You put a hand up to Rafael’s face, and a wagging finger up to Laverne’s.

“...She’s going to kill herself if you don’t leave right now, do you think Mister Carisi would appreciate that?” He warned, and you nodded in agreement with a scowl.

“This is only proving your cousin’s point, Y/N,” Laverne pointed out. “You’re acting insanely right now!”

You grabbed your phone and began to type away. Threatening looks wouldn’t work anymore. You handed your phone to Rafael and nudged him to read it out loud to Laverne,

“I don’t care what you, or my cousin thinks. I don’t care if you think I’m being ‘insane’, because what matters is I’ll still do it. I swear to God if you do not leave this room right now I will rip these bandages off so fast, it will be a bloodbath. And my…”

He stopped reading, blinking a few times before continuing:

“...My boyfriend is the best lawyer in New York City and he will sue you and this hospital so fast for malpractice. And he will beat you so hard, you’ll have to rename the whole hospital after him!”

You saw the surprise and sensed the hesitation in his voice when he said ‘boyfriend’, but he did say it-- so that had to be a good sign.

“Your boyfriend?” Laverne said with an unbelievable laugh. “Seriously? Honey…”

“Yes, her boyfriend,” He doubled down on the label, making you smile. He then stood up and took a step towards her as he kept talking.

“And if her cousin has a problem with it, he can take it up with me if and when he gets here. As for you, it’s none of your damn business, so you can take your threats and your judgement out of here right now,”

You crossed your arms and gave her a shit eating grin with a huge YES nodding notion.

“....Fine, we’ll see what’s what when he gets here, and he IS coming. He’s on his way,” She muttered as she walked out of the room.

“Ohhhh I’m sure he is,” Rafael rolled his eyes with a sarcastic smile as he resumed his place at your side. He looked at you, you had the giddiest smile on your face. “What?”

Type Type Type. Hand.

“Boyfriend,” He gave you a small amused smile. “Well, I’d hope so after all this, don’t you think?”

You nodded an enthusiastic YES once more, absolutely in heaven. The only thing that would make it better right now was his mouth on yours.

As if reading your mind, Rafael took your face in his hands, kissing you deeply. You felt your throat moving as you kissed him back, as did he. He quickly stopped, but you just took his hands and moved them gently around your neck, pressing them down as if to say ‘just keep pressure on them,’

“I’ll be gentle,” He assured you, putting pressure over the wound as you kissed, keeping the bandages in place. Then he pulled back for a second as he added “....For now,” with a cheeky grin.

You hoped your happy little bubble wouldn’t be busted when Sonny showed up.

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