#andrew he is on the roomba

[wuzeio]

some misc arts! second art is based on the Into the Woods series by ao3 user ominous !! :D

riko jumpscare at the end btw i just wanted to explore his design 🙂‍↔️

[criminalgays]

every time i imagine the twinyards all i get is a bleach blond version of youtube star Micheal Reeves

this dumbass (affectionate) is what my gremlin brain sees EVERY SINGLE TIME

[quirkyfries]

Clearing drafts, have some EAPS Eclipse and Ruin headcanons I plan to use sometime, may have future installments

When Jake asked if pets were allowed, Eclipse made a roomba. It has since been named Norman the floorman. Eclipse does not call Norman by name, and if he does, he denies it. Norman’s name is spelled on its side in sticker letters, and someone keeps taping knives to it and letting it loose in the lab. There is a permanent notice on the lab whiteboard to specifically not do that.

In my eclipse design the safety vest is a spite thing. Lefty would get on to Eclipse about workplace safety. Eclipse figured out that, because of fazbear’s crappy rules, as long as he was complying with one (1) rule then he was fine. Lefty has since conceded but Eclipse doesn’t believe the matter is settled and still wears it regardless. He only takes it off when it’d benefit him to not be seen immediately.

Also in my design, the bracelet is one of those rubber bands in the shape of animals. The one Eclipse has is a cat. On the same note, the bead necklaces (think Mardi Gras necklaces) were given to him by Jake/Andrew when kids were gifting them to their favorite staff. He still doesn’t know how they got ahold of them. (The smiley pin was a gift from Earth.)

Ruin enjoys using hand puppets to entertain small children who won’t understand theatrical references. This is totally not inspired by that guy with the raccoon puppet on tiktok

Ruin doesn’t have a space to himself (or if he does I haven’t picked up on it? In his nightmare episode he wakes up in a party room,) but he’s okay with it because he has a lot more friends and he doesn’t shut all the way off if he does sleep (for fear of nightmares.) I like to think Ballora has invited him to at least one sleepover that ended in late night tea-time conversations. Not “sleeping” properly is causing Ruin a battery issue, but he doesn’t entirely have the means to fix it right now. Instead, he takes steps to manage it.

Ruin has exceeded the expected lifespan of a daycare animatronic, and his memory storage has to be managed in order for new information to store. As much as he’d like to forget the sins of his past, he won’t let himself be free of it, both because he feels he doesn’t deserve that and because they were valuable lessons to him. I have yet to decide exactly how he does this but it involves something akin to Apple's feature of offloading data from apps but not deleting them--for Ruin, this is forgetting exactly how events played out but still knowing they happened. He would remember he was happy when a child gave him a drawing, but he wouldn't remember what the conversation was about before and after was because that's not the part he thought was most important to keep. This would show a level of sentimentality in him.

Ruin’s tendency to be distracted by new surroundings (shown in several episodes) is both a hypervigilance issue and a Sun “constant stimulation” trait working in tandem. Ruin’s most prominent Moon trait is his intelligence and independence, both of which became more prominent out of necessity due to events following the AI merging.

(CW talking about implied child death for the rest of the post)

Out of everyone, Ruin would freak out the most if there were an intruder in the daycare—yes, even if he’s not a daycare attendant anymore, and yes, even more than Sunpea. They just show it in different ways. Ruin’s first concern is the children’s safety, dealing the threat second, and he’d seem calm the whole time (he is not, but you won’t know it.) Sunpea’s first concern is the children’s safety, his own safety second, and he’d be visibly upset the whole time. (Whether or not Moonpea has any input is debatable but not the point.) The difference is their levels of self preservation. You can read between the lines in this one, only one of the two had truly failed to protect their children before

One facet of Ruin's past that I think wasn't expanded on enough in canon is the horror of situation vs. purpose. Ruin mentions that he was very good with children, both AIs that are him were daycare attendants and he continued that job for a time. We also know that Ruin had to kill children, or at the very least stand by with the knowledge it was happening. Ruin's job was to look after children, to protect them, and then he was made to do the opposite. When his Creator confronted him, he could have refused, let his Creator kill him, and those children would've died by another's hand. Instead he agreed and likely did it himself. I like to think he had some amount of mercy, as much as he could safely get away with under the watch of infected peers and his Creator. I also think that's why as mentioned in the hc above, he would put himself in danger to protect children in the dimension he promised to help steer in the right direction. He won't fail them this time.

[prettyshon10]

TOWL EP. 4

SPOILERS

- Poured some wine for this one; let’s go

- Whose house is this? It’s nice (was that a roomba I saw?)

- Yes, thunder! Set the atmosphere!

- I will never skip these opening credits

- The body is giviiiiing! Danaiiii!

- That man is lusting—omg, he see’s the scar!

- It’s literally takes me twice as long as the episodes’ run time ‘cause I keep pausing and rewinding, but can you blame me? I’m trying to take EVERYTHING in; I’m tryna savor

- “You’ve become a bit of a creative writer these days. That note? In the getaway boat? Poetry.”

- She’s MAD mad, y’all!

- “Children”! She said “children”! He caught that!

- Only 7 minutes in and this ep has me in a chokehold; Imma need more wine

- I knew it wasn’t gonna be that easy; sorry to y’all theories

- THEY ARE ACTING!!!! ACTING!!! The mannerisms—the cracked voices raised in anger! The fact that NOBODY on the TWD cast bagged an Emmy is so freakin CRIMINAL!!!

- Yo! Automated Voice! SHUT UP!

- She ain’t giving you that thing, sir.

- “What did they do to you?” The angst is angsting.

- “Do you still love me?” STOOOOOOP! I’m done! 😭Cut the show—

- Now the sun’s coming out from behind the storm clouds…

- Round three of “They won’t come after us if we’re “dead””, huh?

- I’m totally sure Jadis would not believe they’re dead. They’re Rick and Michonne. She knows better.

- Shout out to my subscription plan—I love not sitting through commercials!

- Sis is really whacking him over head with the “what about the kids?!” approach

- The black woman in her is leaping out and I love it; baby said “deuces, then.”

- Don’t tell me she’s waiting for him to follow her…

- And he wants to!!! The tropes are troping!

- My wine is gone and I’m not even halfway into the episode. I’m gonna throw myself out the window, I swear…

- I hear a chopper; no no no no no

- Not her sassing him 😂 I love snarky Michonne

- “The only time I feel safe is when I’m with you.”

- Even at their most divided, they’re a forced to be reckoned with. Look at them fight together!

- Not him getting blood on her face! Rick, she’s pissed enough as it is!

- Automated Voice, I’m not doing this with you, again!

- The way she grounds him back to reality in the midst of his panic. How very “sun’s getting real low” of them. ❤️

- Inject this entire scene into my veins

- Bathed in the golden glow of this light; it’s the little things

- RJ really does look just like Rick. Shout out to the casting director. Man’s genes said “you’re gonna carry a lightly melanated clone, and that’s final!”

- This show is literally fan service done the RIGHT WAY; other shows takes notes

- Not the roomba sneaking a peak! Caught my boy off guard—he was ready to fight

- Finally, he’s asking about the mark

- “Carl. They took Carl.” Excuse me?!

- “I can’t live without you. Without you, I die.”

- Andrew Lincoln wants me deceased: confirmed. This is a personal attack, I’m sure of it

- Oh lord, not the Carl drawing…

- I just…😫😭

- Elevator make out! One thing about my faves, they’re gonna get it in anytime, any place! And walker killing is an aphrodisiac!

- In the car, too! 😂

- Things are totally gonna go left; only question is how

- Wait, it’s over?!

[thoushaltnotlive]

Aaron, Kevin, Neil, Nicky and their scary dog privileges but plot twist their scary dog is an attack roomba. (See example below ⬇️)

Small ✔️

coloured black ✔️

seems unassuming at first glance ✔️ (HE IS 5'0 FLAT DON'T COME AT ME)

but very very deadly with knives ✔️

BEHOLD Andrew:

[thespineoftherighteous]

foxes in the early morning

Dan wakes up pretty early in general and she's usually good about it but if she has to get up earlier than her typical time she'll be completely off until she's had at least one coffee. she'll just sit at the counter/table with her arms wrapped around her mug, staring into nothing and taking sips until her nose touches her drink

we all know Kevin is a monster (heh) in the morning but Aaron and matt are also both Sleepy Boys and it takes them a good half an hour to be able to function without being sluggish and a further fifteen minutes to be able to hold a decent conversation..

Andrew has a compilation of videos of Aaron in the so-early-its-still-dark-out morning and on one hand he's all soft and rubbing his eyes and shuffling around in the kitchen but also have you ever seen a Roomba where it bumps into something and then turns a few degrees and bumps into it again and keeps doing it and you just watch it wondering why tf it's like that? yeah that's what the kid looks like bumping into the counter and that is why Andrew takes the videos

Neil and bedhead. it's just, it's everywhere. and it stays like that for at least an hour or until someone fixes it for him

it's canon that it's impossible for Kevin to stay awake and the others have pictures of him falling asleep literally everywhere: on the bus, in the airport, in his locker room stall, in the elevator to their hotel rooms, on Dan's shoulder etc

Allison in the mornings is either customarily glamorous as per or casually glamorous in that she has her hair up in a messy bun and is dressed in loose sweatpants and Dan's hoodie

kevin's morning voice.

Nicky is usually quiet right after he wakes up but as his energy starts to build he starts talking more and more

Aaron is *that* bitch, the one that's always got a massive iced coffee in the morning and it does not leave their hand until it's finished

when they're waiting at airports or in the lounge, Renee always uses Matt to lean on and rest against and he takes his position very seriously and is very protective of it

matt. and. tired. boi. grins. oh my goodness. like. he's dressed in sweats with the hood pulled up and is blinking more than should be necessary and he doesn't really look like he's processing anything anyone is saying to him but then he'll suddenly slip into a grin that's sideways and messy but doesn't lack any of the typical matt boyd glory

Nicky's decision making in the mornings is generally not the best. whenever he tries to deny this, the others will offer a reminder of that time he went to the Dunkin in the airport to get coffee for Aaron and Dan and came back with an additional two dozen strawberry frosted donuts, with sprinkles ("tHeY wErE hAvInG a DeAl")

Kevin and Allison are not allowed to be near each other or to interact for a minimum of an hour after waking up or they WILL scratch each other's eyes out (coach made this an official rule after Allison threatened to do some things to Kevin with a spork that had even Andrew raising his eyebrows, all because Kevin "accidentally" threw her silk eye mask out the bus window)

everybody hates Neil in the morning because, even if they are not particularly bad morning people, nobody should be that willing to run around mere minutes after waking up

if it's early enough, aaron's southern accent literally jumps out (idek anymore if he actually has one but)

Allison: *that* iced coffee bitch part 2

Renee has the cutest freaking yawns. like she'll be dressed in a long sweatshirt and have sweater paws and drag the back of her hand up to her mouth and it's so adorable

no matter how much sleep he gets, Andrew always wakes up with circles under his eyes

when it's one of those times when they have to get up early to get on the bus and it's just a matter of keeping themselves awake long enough to crash again on the bus seats, Nicky will just run on autopilot which means that most of his sentences come out either at least 65% Spanish or an incomprehensible combination of German, English and Spanish mashed together

similarly, in the same situations, Kevin's sentences will come out at least 65% profanity. but, like, a lot of the time it's not even insulting profanity, it's just how he talks. and it's canon that matt and dan will antagonize him when he's like this but the monsters just ignore it and let him diva out to cleanse it from his system

(imagine: it's early as shit but all they have to do is go down to the entrance of fox tower and get on the bus and they're already packed and shit so you'd think there's not too much to be able to complain about but nope. "where is my fucking bag? oh there you are, you bastard" "who the fuck is in the bathroom?" "why the fuck is it still dark out?" "which of you motherfuckers took my banana? son of a bitch")

kevin's usually much better after he eats something so either Renee or Andrew will try to get food in his system as soon as it's possible

it's usually easier to differentiate between the twins if it's early enough because Aaron could not give lesser of a shit about fixing his hair at 4:30 in the morning and even if he's got his hood pulled up you can still see the mess of curls spilling out of it

matt literally does not remember a single thing that happens within the first fifteen minutes of him waking up. Neil (ever the asshole) started taking advantage of this by getting matt to agree to things that he normally never would've (cue my poor boy being hella confused when Neil pulls out an insurance video of him agreeing to go with Neil on a ten mile run)

Aaron has this thing to wake himself up where he listens to rock music in his headphones and gradually gradually increases the volume until it's blasting and he's wide awake...the others think it's brutal but it seems to work

after spending years worth of mornings together, they've all learned how to understand the others in their incomprehensible state and have developed a bit of a minimalistic 'language' of sorts that involves mostly half finished sentences and odd noises..nobody else truly understands it, although Wymack is slowly building up his fluency

[queercoded-disney-villain]

Jelly Week Day 2! Prompt: Robots.

This ended up way out of the scope of the challenge, but hey, it got me to write. Sorry that I missed day 1, and showed up 15 minutes late with an iced coffee and this hot garbage.

After an exhausting day, Jess is cheered up by a stupid Roomba.

535 words.

@useless-space-rock-lesbians@true-colours

Jess collapsed on the couch. Another day, another failure, another chance she’d flunk out of her classes. She knew failure was part of the process, but the positively brilliant education system didn’t provide time for discovering 10,000 ways not to make a lightbulb. Besides, she was out of motivation for 10,000 more mistakes. Why couldn’t things just work ? Maybe it was time to give up. If she couldn’t even get a simple panda robot to dance without bursting into flame, maybe she shouldn’t even try.

The mere thought made her feel guilty. Her parents had worked so hard to send her to college. She and Ally had built their channel, their plans for life, on robotics. This was the dream she’d been chasing for so long. This is what she’d been racing after. And still, in the face of constant failure, she wasn’t sure she could keep running.

Jess slid her goggles off her head, tossing them onto one of numerous pillows stacked on the couch. She leaned back into the cushions, staring blankly at the ceiling. Why was she even trying anymore?

Her reminder came in the form of a Roomba by the name of Phillip Andrew Nathaniel. They’d been required to give it a full name after building it. It’s what they did with all their finished projects. Jess could hear the humming of his inner parts in their state of near-collapse, and the squeaking of the brush that never stayed on quite right. Still, Phillip was infinitely superior to any plain Roomba. In addition to being decked out in lovely stickers, and having a lovely cat faceplate, it could connect to their Spotify account through Bluetooth. As it rammed repeatedly into the couch, it blasted a familiar tune from their playlist entitled “:( -> :))))))”

“‘Cause you had a bad day, you’re taking one down, you sing a sad song just to turn it around.”

The notes cut out for a fraction of a second each time the machine ran back into the couch’s leg. A small smile came to Jess’s lips.

“You say you don’t know, you tell me ‘don’t lie,’ you work at a smile and you go for a ride. You had a bad day.”

Jess sat up. She picked up the robot and turned it around, allowing it to continue cleaning uninterrupted. She watched it scoot cheerfully across the floor. She and Ally had made that .

Sure, it wasn’t perfect. Phillip couldn’t avoid the furniture, no matter what programming they tried. But here he was still, joyfully puttering around their apartment. And look at him. Adorable.

Besides. She and Ally had made that.

That’s why she was still trying.

Jess looked back at the assignment thrown onto the table in frustration. She grabbed her goggles and adjusted them between the messy buns on top of her head. “Hey Ally?”

She was met by frantic crashing for several seconds. Then came her girlfriend’s cheerful voice. “Yeah?”

“Can you help me with this?”

“Of course!” Several more crashes echoed through the apartment as Ally scrambled toward her.

Jess stood up. Maybe it didn’t matter if this would work. She was happy just being one of two girlfriends who really love robots.

[punchdrunkdoc]

Given To Fly

Chapter 3

Chapters 1 & 2 here

TASM! Peter Parker x Original female character

Summary: After the events of Spiderman: No Way Home, Peter 3 is determined to make some changes to his life. It starts with a new job, and a chance meeting with a beautiful stranger in a bar.

Notes: The lonely, somewhat tortured TASM!/Andrew Garfield version of Peter Parker in Spiderman: No Way Home broke my heart a bit. This is my attempt to give him his happy ending.

I can’t say too much, as there’s a mystery at the heart of this tale that I don’t want to spoil.

But I can say this will be a multi-part story with a slow burn, enemies-to-lovers romance with an OC character (the x reader format doesn't work for this particular story - sorry!)

Also available here.

He watched her more closely than ever after that day.

He watched as she came into work every day, walking silently passed the receptionist and security guard on her way to the elevator bank. For a few days after the events in the breakroom, when word of her heroics had apparently spread throughout the building, they had tried to engage her in conversation and relay their thanks, but she would just nod her head and keep walking.

He watched her in the lab, diligently going about her job, headphones on. She never stopped to chat with her co-workers; she never hung out with them in the common area, or joined them when they left for lunch.

Typical, cold distant Jane.

But then he started noticing cracks in her facade.

Because thats what it was.

A facade.

She was not who she was pretending to be.

The first inkling he had was an overheard conversation. Peter was approaching her lab, about to access the security door, when his hearing picked up an odd exchange.

“What’s wrong? Are you lost?” Jane said, her voice…softer. Sweeter. As if she was speaking to a small child. “Here, let me get that door for you.”

Walking into the lab, Peter looked around, trying to see who she’d been talking to. But there was no one else there.

Jane spotted him and gave him her usual haughty glare. “Yes?” she asked.

“Hi,” Peter said, his cover-story ready to go. “Jimmy sent me in for the phase II files. He said Marta had them.”

“Whatever,” she replied, walking back to her desk.

Peter watched her out of the corner of his eye as he made a show of rummaging through the documents on Jane’s co-worker’s desk, but she ignored him completely. As he was leaving, the whir of the lab’s robotic vacuum cleaner increased as it exited the storage room. Peter watched the little Roomba trundle pass Jane’s desk, and he shook his head in disbelief. Had…had she been talking to the robot?

His next clue came the following day, when the two of them were called up to the 6th floor. Professor Allard was in residence and wanted to see them.

They shared the elevator up to the sixth floor, standing side-by-side, both watching the numbered display tick up in silence. But when the doors opened onto 6 and Peter stepped out, he noticed she wasn’t following him. Glancing back, he saw her hesitate, still inside the car. Her teeth were sunk into her lower lip and her hands were clenched.

“Jane,” he called softly.

Startled, she met his eyes, and he was surprised by the brief flash of…fear?…that he saw in them. Shaking out her hands, she strode passed him without a word. Peter followed her to Allard’s office where they were greeted by the man himself.

“There they are, the heroes of the hour,” he called. Allard was trim and tall. His dark hair was greying at the temples and his welcoming smile creased deep lines around his mouth and eyes, but he still looked about a decade younger than his 63 years.

“Nice to meet you, Mr Parker,” he said, offering Peter his hand.

Peter shook it enthusiastically, “Nice to meet you too, sir. I’m a real admirer of your work here. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to wor-".

“Nonsense,” he cut Peter off, ushering him to a small seating area near the floor-to-ceiling window of his office. “It was obviously a good decision on my part. Look at you, barely a fortnight on the job and you saved the life of a fellow member of your team.”

“Well, sir, that was really Jane. I just followed her orders.”

“Ah, Jane,” Allard said, pronouncing it ‘Jeanne’. He turned to her with a smile, taking both her hands in his, then proceeded to launch into a string of French. Peter’s rudimentary high school language skills couldn’t keep up. He caught the odd word and phrase - ‘too long’, ‘wonderful’, ‘thank you’ - but that was about it.

To Peter’s surprise, Jane answered back in the same language. He’d only ever heard her bark orders or bite out mono-syllabic words. Now her slightly husky alto voice was gliding fluently over the foreign words…and Peter was struck dumb.

Shaking his head, he gave himself a mental talking-to. It’s just that French is notorious for being the most romantic language on earth. Hearing her speak it is aesthetically pleasing, that’s all. It doesn’t mean anything! It’s Jane for christ’s sake. Jane!

Allard switched back to English as the three of them took their seats. He reiterated his thanks for their efforts helping Kevin the previous week. “And I’ve spoke to his parents,” he said, leaning back in his chair, “They’re immensely grateful too, as you can imagine. And they wanted me to thank you again, Jane, for the books.”

“Books?” Peter asked, looking to the woman on his right, but she wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Hmm, yes,” Allard answered. “Jane visited Kevin in the hospital and brought him a set of fantasy novels and a couple of puzzle books.”

Jane squirmed slightly in her seat under Allard’s warm gaze. “It was nothing.”

“Well, apparently he can’t stop raving about the novels - your recommendation was a hit.”

Peter barely paid attention to the rest of the brief conversation. His mind was too occupied by the enigma beside him, stunned by the information that she’d taken time to visit a young, scared guy in hospital and bring him gifts.

He’d swung by to visit Kevin himself - literally. He’d went in his Spiderman guise, pretending to be a ‘friend’ of Peter’s checking up on him on his behalf - but he never thought Jane would do the same.

“Never took you for a fantasy reader,” Peter said to her as they left Allard’s office. “Who’s your favourite author? What books did you give to Kevin? Maybe I’ve read them.”

She ignored him, and Peter rolled his eyes. When they reached the elevators she kept walking.

“Jane?” Peter called, pressing the down button.

“I need some air,” she snapped, forcefully pushing open the stairwell door that led to the roof.

Peter debated following her, but she didn’t seem in the mood to talk. When was she ever? He’d only ever heard her conversing with one person - Allard. She had seemed almost friendly with him, but now she was in a worse mood than he’d ever seen her.

After that day, Peter was ashamed to admit that his casual observation of Jane took a decidedly stalker-ish turn.

He started watching her after work.

The first time was pure happenstance. He’d stayed behind at his desk a bit late, and upon leaving had just happened to walk out the building just a few yards behind her. They just so happened to end up walking the same way, and just so happened to board the same subway train. When she just so happened to get out at the stop before his, he didn’t think twice about following her some more, to see where she lived.

It turned out to be a small apartment building only a few blocks away from his. It had a similar shitty rundown facade to his, but the front door looked relatively new, and the security system looked up to date, at least.

Not that he was concerned about her safety or anything.

That first night, he’d been ready to turn and head home when a light on the third floor of her building flicked on and he'd seen her walk passed the window, tugging her hair out of her bun. The thick chocolate brown locks came loose and she scratched her fingers over her scalp as if to loosen some tension.

It was the first time he’d seen her look remotely…human.

And it rooted him to the spot.

He stood there for another five minutes, hoping for another glimpse of her through the window, for reasons completely unknown to him, he wanted to see more of her in this state. He got more than he bargained for when he saw her re-emerge from the apartment building five minutes later. Her hair was still loose and she’d replaced the black sweater she’d been wearing with a fuzzy pale blue one. He realised then that he’d never seen her in anything so colourful.

She jogged across the street and entered a brightly lit cafe. She waved to the female barista (she waved!) gave her order and took a seat at a small table by the window. She propped her elbows on the table, rested her head on her fists, and gazed out to the busy street, seemingly content to watch the world go by.

Peter shook his head, completely baffled by this new facet of her. He quickly turned around to head to his own apartment, worried she’d spot him watching her.

It got to be a bit of a habit after that.

After work, he’d rush home, grab a quick bite to eat, shove on his suit and swing out his window. He’d then land on the roof of the abandoned building opposite her apartment just in time to watch her get home.

He figured that that rooftop was as good as any to keep an ear and an eye out for any Spider-man business.

That’s how he justified it to himself anyway.

But the city often got neglected in favour of watching her.

Not that she did anything particularly interesting. Every night it was the same routine. She’d leave her apartment soon after getting home and end up in the same cafe, at the same table by the window. Sometimes, she’d chat to the barista for a few minutes, sometimes she’d just people-watch out of the window, sometimes she’d read a book while she sipped her coffee and nibbled on a muffin.

She’d stay there till closing, wave goodbye to the barista and head home. Her light would stay on for another 40 minutes or so, presumably while she ate a late dinner. Then it would flick out.

It was all so…mundane. But the fact that it was Jane - taciturn, rude, cold Jane - made it fascinating.

On friday night, after a week of this, something changed.

Peter was busy watching the front door of her apartment building, waiting for her to emerge at her usual time, but she never showed. Glancing back to her apartment he was surprised to see her standing in front of her window, talking animatedly on the phone.

The person on the end of the line must have said something amusing because suddenly Jane smiled widely…and she was transformed. Dimples appeared on her flushed cheeks and her usually dull, lifeless eyes sparkled.

On a face that was usually so impassive, the effect was staggering. She morphed from stern, plain Jane into someone soft, and approachable.

She spoke for a few more minutes, the smile still on her face. But it started to look a little…forced. By the time she ended the call, her face was back to its usual flat appearance. Peter watched as she studied the phone in her hand before throwing it behind her.

She then opened the apartment window and stepped out onto the fire escape. She sat down, angling her legs between the bars of the railing so they swung free over the alley way below. He watched as she took a deep breath, covered her face with her hands, and bowed her head.

She was crying.

Before Peter even realised what he was doing, he launched a web across the street and swung over to her building. Flipping upside down, he lowered himself down a web until he reached her level.

“Um, hi,” he said, wincing behind his mask out how insane this was.

What was he going to say to her!

What was his plan?!

Her head shot up and she jumped back, banging one of her knees against the metal railing.

“Holy shit!” She yelled, rubbing her knee, staring at him gobsmacked.

“Sorry!” Peter cried. “Sorry! I just, I saw you there crying and thought I could…”

“Thought you could what? Offer me a handkerchief?”

“Ha! No, sorry, no handkerchief. This suit doesn’t even have pockets. I just thought I could, you know, comfort you maybe? It’s part of the service I provide to the neighbourhood,” he said, wincing once again.

“You thought lowering yourself down to my fire escape like some overgrown spider on a web would comfort me?”

“Yeah,” Peter replied, drawing out the word.

“I’m arachnophobic,” she deadpanned.

He burst out laughing. She smiled in return…and the effect up close was even more breathtaking. She was actually...pretty.

Feeling light headed - and not just from the blood rushing to his head - Peter flipped in the air and landed with a bounce on the metal pathway. He sat down beside her, threading his legs through the railings next to hers. He looked across the alley way to the boarded up, dilapidated building which had been his stalking base for the past week.

“Great view,” he said.

She laughed softly. “Yeah, who needs the Empire State Building.”

“Now that’s a great view - one of my favourites actually. The view from the top” he clarified, “not the building itself.”

“Wow,” she breathed, staring straight ahead. “That must be amazing. To get to experience the city the way no one else can.”

“It has its moments.”

“I bet,” she whispered, her hands coming up to rub away the tear tracks on her cheeks.

“Wanna talk about it?” he asked softly.

“Just…family stuff.”

“Are they here in the states? Your family?” Peter clarified “Or in England.”

She gave him a strange look.

“Oh, I, uh, heard the accent. So are they all back home?” He asked again.

“Yeah. Although ‘all’ is a bit of an overstatement. It’s just me and my sister.”

“Oh,” Peter replied. “I’m sorry.”

“It happened a long time ago - my parents, I mean.” She shrugged, as if to make light of it, and he recognised the move. That awkward deflection of other people’s pity.

“So it just hit me a bit after talking with my sister,” she continued. “You know, homesickness…,” she tailed off, biting her lip. “And loneliness,” she finally shared, looking down at her lap.

“I’ve been there. I…am there, if I’m honest,” Peter admitted, the anonymity of the suit allowing him to bare part of himself to her.

She glanced back at him, studying his masked face in silence for several long moments.

“I-“ Peter started, only to be interrupted by the blare of sirens as several cops cars raced down the street to their left.

“I guess you need to deal with…that,” she whispered, not taking her eyes off him.

“Yeah,” he whispered, still staring back at her.

“Yes,” he said louder, snapping out of…whatever was happening between them. “Yes, I do. Absolutely!” He leapt to his feet and launched a web at the building opposite. He hesitated a second, looking back down to her.

“See ya round, I guess.”

“Yeah, see ya round, Spiderman,” she replied with a smile as he leapt into the wind.

The sight of her upturned face smiling at him stayed with him all night.

———

“So why don’t you talk to her as Peter,” May suggested after he told her of Spiderman’s encounter with Jane the previous weekend.

He’d finally spilled the beans to May about his alter ego several years ago, getting sick of having to lie and make excuses to the only family he had left. As it turned out, she’d suspected for a while. Apparently, all the lying and excuses weren’t as convincing has he’d thought.

They’d had a long talk about it, and while she wasn’t thrilled about him risking his life so routinely, she was proud of him. The only stipulation was that he had to text her at the end of every night of patrolling, so she could sleep sound knowing he was safe.

It seemed like an easy trade-off for her peace of mind.

“Because she literally doesn’t talk at work. She’s obviously got all this stuff going on but at work she’s a completely closed book. One with a padlock on it. And ‘Keep out’ plastered across the front.”

“But have you tried?”

Peter hesitated, the reflexive ‘yes’ stuck in his throat. Had he tried?  Sure, he’d found a few excuses to come to her lab, and he always said ‘Hi’ when he found her in the break room. But had he really tried to talk to her and not just observe her?

May smiled, “I guess not.”

“Why are you pushing this? I was just making conversation. You asked how my week had been, and-“

“And she seemed to have been a big part of that week,” May interjected. “She seems to be all you talk about lately.”

Peter frowned. It was true that he was spending an inordinate amount of time watching her and thinking about her, and yes, talking about her with May…but that’s only because she was such a mystery.

That was all it was, right?

Right?

It was then that Peter realised the other mysterious woman in his life - Jen, the one he actually liked! - had decidedly NOT been occupying his thoughts of late.

“Look,” May said, interrupting his tangent, “I just think this girl needs some companionship. You said yourself that she’s lonely, and you two have a lot in common by the sounds of things-”

“The orphan thing is not exactly a great conversation starter, May.”

“Well ‘Peter’ is not supposed to know about that anyway,” May continued with a scolding tone, “so start with something a little less personal. Books, music, movies…something! You’re a pretty charming man when you want to be, Peter. So, charm her.”

Charm her.

Peter contemplated the advice as he swung high above the streets of Queens, his suit rippling slightly in the wind has he leapt from web to web.

Ha! Easier said than done, he scoffed, picturing the stony faced Jane in his mind.

But he wanted to try.

He’d had glimpses of what he suspected was the ‘real’ Jane - the friendly Jane, who chatted to baristas and Spider-men, the caring Jane who saved teens and gave them presents, the kind Jane who held doors open for vacuum cleaners - and he wanted to see if he was right. That the cold, aloof Jane was an act.

And he wanted to know why.

So, he thought to himself, releasing his web and spinning in the air, the moonlight bouncing off the rain soaked streets guiding his way home, Operation Charm Offensive was a go.

CHAPTER 4

[liaisun]

I am begging u tell me more about the streamer bfs au

HELLO KICKS :D thank u 4 asking <3 i ended up scrolling back thru a gazillion messages but it was absolutely worth it. please allow me 2 present the babes

streamer bfs is a very self indulgent kandreil au, pure fluff absolutely 0 plot in here. they live in a Streamer Content House™ with the other foxes. kandrew r dating and neil is in a queer platonic relationship w them !! there's two parts of it right now, the first being just streaming shenanigans and interactions and then further actual relationship development with neil :]

SO BACKSTORY !! we have andrew: a complete weirdo but likeable abt it? just a chill dude doing his own thing while gaming. sometimes he codes too (here is a beloved fic with absolutely feral robot maker/youtuber!drew). his channel name is nyandrew, it never gets Big big but its stable enough that andrew can do it for fun. he has The Cat Ear Headphones which he never acknowledges the existence of but still wears every single stream. king knocked over his camera once and that 10 second clip became his channel trailer forevermore

there's always someone in the back of his streams just . sleeping?  it's kinda hard to see, no one knows who it is and andrew never addresses it so everyone just accepts it as another quirk of his lives... until one day andrew streams earlier than normal and halfway through the door creaks open and they hear "...babe? i couldn't-- oh. can i come in" cue absolute CHAOS within the chat bc WHO IS THIS !!!!

this person is the one and only kevin day. he's a college student but lives at the house and usually pops up in the other's vids. he was helping dan (who started this whole operation) with moving in. that day he hung out with the foxes, who convinced him to stay for their first day sleepover celebration and then he never left :]

neil is a faceless streamer and a generally funky dude . he started out with silent walkthroughs/speedruns of puzzle games, and now he plays whatever while keeping up the most bizarre and unrelated commentary. he also runs the foxes' podcast. his 'quiplash/jackbox with friends' vids (prompt game where everyone votes on their fav answer) are his most popular because he always has the most brutal and funny answers and he's in top 3 every single time

he only shows up on camera in the other's streams as a hand or legs but once a week MINIMUM the mysterious neil comes into andrew's room and says "release the roombas" and then u hear meowing (this is also where the channel trailer comes from)

kev's always sleeping on lives because andrew streams at 2am (insomnia things)... kev has night terrors and sleeps better with someone else in the room, but andrew can't really sleep with another person on the bed so this system works 4 them

there's this mythical clip of neil coming in and like collapsing on top of kevin sleeping on the floor. they say something 2 each other and neil laughs and then leaves AND IT HAS TORN THE INTERNET APART FOR YEARRSSSSS nyandrew's biggest career drama is nobody knows what's happening between them

andrew is also generally such a gremlin about answering questions u will never get a straight answer from this man ever . and on this topic he is the Worst. (referring 2 kevin) "who's ur friend?" he's not my friend.   "okay. what's the name of the man in the room with you?" very funny guys. that prank won't work there is no one behind me . "u said u were an only child" i never said that. i said i grew up an only child    and so on

people make compilations like "andrew minyard (nyandrew) holding his bf for 10 mins straight (ft. neil)" [in which neil also holds said bf and chat exploded] "andrew ignoring chat for 5 mins straight" "5 minutes of nyandrew lifting anything but weights (ft. his bf)"

there's also my personal fav "nyandrew (ñandrew) cursing in spanish for 2 mins straight" yes andrew speaks spanish. the clips are from a stream he did with nicky and when nicky tries 2 mention an embarrassing moment andrew says "ah tienes cojones... él tiene cojones sí mi gente" (you have some balls.. he's got balls right guys) and nicky goes quiet SO QUICK KSJSKDKF. andrew's not Family Friendly but he definitely doesn't curse in english/express himself like he will in spanish (2nd language emotional things<3) and chat is FLOORED

this vid at (6:50-7:50) is drunk kev professing his love then saying "okay let's go :]" trying 2 get them all 2 cuddle and andreil are like  . Kevin We Are On Live Right Now. + from 3:00-6:50 is them describing each fox in one word and trying 2 match answers but kevneil start arguing about their answers and andrew purposefully says different ones to rile them up

when neil actually sticks around in a live - he's wearing a hoodie with the strings taut so it covers his face mostly. kev's passed out on andrew, andreil r bantering and flirting. andrew's like "i gotta go to the bathroom" and he just. hoists kevin up and puts him in neil's lap instead and NONE OF THEM BLINK and kev just curls a hand in neil's hoodie, looks up at him and hes like *squints* "ur hiding?" in a sleepy tone and neil's like ":] u don't like the look?" when andrew comes back he brushes neil's neck and all 3 of them keep casually talking LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED and chat is literally unreadable. it is going insane

in regards 2 ur post about lap sitting these 3 are EXACTLY like this tiktok. *caresses head* "can u stay for one game..." like !!!!!!!!!!!! i am gone i am deceased... it is them. kevin is the main lap stealer between them (imagining kev's 6'1 self curling into a ball 2 fit in the chair with either of them. sparks joy) and he is super clingy while andreil have little gestures like neil slinging his legs over andrew's on the couch. he sits upside down and andrew steadies him when neil starts to slide off. neil tries to go for a run at like 5am after staying up all night and andrew catches him in the kitchen, all bleary after a live and shoves him into a beanbag. (if he sits on top of him to make him stay and they have an intense mental conversation with unwavering eye contact then nobody's around to prove it)

at the end of the day (night? morning? what is time to them) they're tired and the walls and online personas are down. they stay up talking or sitting in silence, all squished together on a mattress or sprawled around the tv or listening to low music in the car.

and lastly, first kiss things:

[dreaminpetals]

🎁 christmas gifts // identity v . . .

the third and final part of what the idv survivors would gift you for christmas! be sure to check out the previous parts: PART 1 + PART 2

Demi Bourbon

demi spent hours and tons of cash on making the perfect pair of earrings for you. if you don't like drinking you can pretend it's root beer or a soda explosion, she made it simple for that specific reason!

Victor Grantz

you had a pen pal in the manor for weeks but had no idea who their identity was until victor revealed that he crafted an entire stationery set for you after you mentioned wanting one in your letters. it has every stamp, sticker, and pen you could ever dream of! you had to send him a thank you letter someday.

Andrew Kreiss

andrew feared the sun before he met you. now, he realizes that you're like the sun to him - you make him feel warm and like he can forget all of his insecurities and just smile. the moment he dug this up, he knew he had to polish it and gift it to you. he melts when he sees you wearing it, wondering how anyone could cherish a gift from a monster like him :(

Luca Balsa

you had always been there for luca when he needed you so he had to make you something for christmas. he made a .,,,.,, roomba. with googly eyes. cut him some slack, he's not in his inventing prime anymore.

Melly Pliny

melly gifted you a homemade ant farm, and you could tell she was smiling through her mask as she watched you open it. instantly she spilled ant facts and trivia while you gave the ants names as if you were their parents. she's never been happier!

Edgar Valden

this rich mf added an extension to your room specifically for art, a walk in closet filled with easels and supplies as far as the eye can see. the room he transformed was once your dusty old closet, now it's a paradise. you're the only other artist he can stand and although he tries to hide it, he can't wait to see what you make.

Ganji Gupta

being the sports fanatic like he is, ganji would give you the classic laundry hamper shaped like a basketball net. better cross your fingers that you don't miss when tossing in your s skin..

[x1702x]

Girl help

Im playing that one IDV Fangame called White Tombstone and i wanted to note out stuff over here recording some of my process with some funny commentary and opinions, so far I reached Day 2 night, I need to get the stuff from Margaretha's list and do the night quests, overall i have seen some shit:

(NOTE: THESE ARENT ONLY THE BAD STUFF THESE ARE THE EVENTS I HAVE BEEN INTO SO FAR!)

-Characters/Names/Important/Missions/Other go in Red! _______________________________________

-Day 1 daylight, BOY THIS IS GONNA KILL ME.

___ -The good ol start, GOD NO GET OUTTA THERE JOSEPH FUCK OFF NOOOOO.

___

-Joseph putting a camera on Aesop's room, ''Joseph owns a lot of cameras. He even put one in my room...Pervert.'' I cringed so bad in this moment but honestly, Aesop my beloved you're right.

___

-Antdrew interaction. Okay so this one was the most normal Hunter/Survivor interaction, I choked when I saw him at the end of the corridor because he has no business in looking SO FUNNY HELP. Overall pretty sweet, I dont ship them, but it was funny to see my two mains interacting. I must add that I got scared by Antonio's violin sound.

___

-Tracy controlling her bot, ngl Martin II is cute 10/10 best Roomba lookin robot, I had fun in this puzzle.

___

-Norton. Where do I start. I love him, I got sad when I saw him crouched in panic :(

___ -Eli and the bird! I fed Fionna to the bird lmao. I love Eli <3 ___ -Margaretha- MDHJSHGGJ WOMEN <33333 ___ -Day 1 Nighttime, God this looks creepy at night. ___ -Searching for the patient's files at night, this THING. Oh lord I had to retry this so many times because Joseph kept catching me, I used Andrew here.

___ -Day 2 Daylight, Oh boy another day in this fucking assylum letsgoo/s. ___ -Breakfast, mmm chickpeas. ___

-Jacknaib moment, I quote ''You should know im only interested in feeding you'' which makes me question why I didnt closed the tab/hj.

___

-Looking for paper and a pen, Antonio my beloved have some flowers <3 ___ -Margaretha's list, DAMN GIRL YOU REMEMBER A WHOLE ASS EXPLOSIVES FORMULA? I havent finished this yet. ___ -Joseph threatens Norton, NOOOOOO JOSEPH DONT TOUCH MY SON NOOOOOOOOOOO!! ___ Day 2 Nighttime, I'm over here rn I will do an update soon. _______________________________________ (NOTE: I dont support HxS ships but if you by any casual ship any of these i must say I dont have anything against you, I do if you threaten me/act toxic towards me <3/lh I don't enjoy Joscarl nor any of the ships here but I wanted to fuck around and try this godforsaken game <3 Overall I enjoy it, and I hate it/lh y'know Love/Hate feelings towards this game.)

_______________________________________

Feel free to comment and help my sanity to not drop every text dialog from this game <3! I appreciate support and bla bla bla, anyways wish me luck!

_______________________________________ -Iroh 23:04pm 04/23/2021 (Note for myself: Update you lazy ass)

[thelanguageoflovers]

so you’re trying to understand sophia and i’s jatp universe

@localspacelesbian​​ and I never intended for this to get so out of hand, but then it did, so here we are. We’ve got a few wips going, so I figured it was about time to get around to one of these.

it’s okay if you’re lost, because so are we! here’s a little guide to help you out (:

CHARACTERS:

The Lacrosse Team:

Spencer Montgomery-Wright: Our pride and joy. He’s on the lacrosse team, and can be seen being bewildered with Nick when the guys show up during ‘Bright’. Some have referred to him as the guy who is called ‘Letterman Jacket Guy’ on IMDb - these people are wrong. Letterman Jacket Guy is a white blonde guy. Spencer is black. He’s in the design program at their school and designs costumes for all the ballets. 

He and Nick have been best friends since they were little, and have exchanged stuffed animals (Nick gave Spencer a stuffed penguin named Texas, and Spencer returned the favor with a stuffed elephant named Oklahoma). They’re total astronomy dorks (Spencer calls Nick ‘Tor’ after Copernicus, and Nick calls Spencer ‘Cass’ after Cassini). They’re also in love, but they’re still working through that. 

Connor Nesbitt: The aforementioned ‘Letterman Jacket Guy’. He’s the captain of the lacrosse team, the very definition of a himbo. He’s in the cinematic arts program, but, like, really likes history.

Nick Danforth-Evans: Pretty self-explanatory, but the Danforth-Evans theory is canon in the SACU (Sophia and Adalie Cinematic Universe).

Chris McMillan: Chris is a sweetheart. He’s in the theater program but wants to be a farmer and raise sheep when he grows up. He just really likes farm animals, okay?

Barry O’Hara: A good dude! He’s in the dance program, and his Special Interest is linguistics and communication.

Rasheed Bakir: Rasheed!! He’s a bit of a running joke in our work, as he constantly hurts his legs and feet. He’s been known to ride in Connor’s car with a broken ankle hanging out the window. It’s fine. He’s in the theater program, hates Shakespeare more than anything, and is dating Ari Price.

Ari Price: Just a lil visual arts program kid. Constantly so worried about Rasheed. The Ultimate mom friend; his backpack is the equivalent of Alex’s fanny pack, and he makes a very good soup when one of the guys is sick.

Leo Montgomery: He’s Spencer’s cousin! Very buff and a little bit scary but is a whole teddy bear. He’s in the music program, and is so tired of watching Nick and Spencer pine. He’s a science nerd, except for biology. Fuck biology. All his homies hate biology.

Percy Mayer: We love Percy so much. He’s a Ballet Boy, and he’s fake dating a girl in ballet named Constance Hansen. He’s probably aro, but is still a little confused about that.

Oren Summers: Oren is a freshman in the visual arts program. Kind of just one of those nice guys you meet in school who are just cool to be around.

Grayson Radcliffe: Grayson plays the french horn in the music program, and is in our token heterosexual relationship with Jennifer Brickaday.

Dirty Candi

Kayla Lavelle: Y’all know Kayla. We named her ‘Lavelle’ because we went with a color based system and, yk, lavender.

Jennifer Brickaday: Yellow Candi! Dating Grayson, and we just don’t deserve her. Brickaday is a reference to the yellow brick road.

Andrea Turkis: Miss Turquoise Candi! Probably our favorite candi - she’s a lesbian and just gives the best hugs. (Turkis means turquoise in several languages.)

Velma Williams: Orange Candi! Straight up the coolest person alive. She’s aro, and helps Percy sort out his sexuality. Just really likes dinosaurs, you know? (Williams is for William of Orange)

Mary Brooks: Not a member of Dirty Candi, but their manager. Totally not in love with Julie what are you talking about that’s bananas (Mary - marron (brown) and Brooks is just a slightly less on-the-nose version of Brown).

Those Done Dirty:

Flynn Chadwick: Chat means cat in french, but we wanted Chadwick because it sounded neat.

Willie Greenwood: He just gives us green vibes I don’t know what to tell you

The Families:

The Danforth-Evans Family: Nick, Ryan, and Chad are a given. Nick also has a little sister named Phoebe Danforth-Evans. Phoebe is a gymnast and general rascal.

The Montgomery-Wright Family: Buckle up, y’all. Spencer has seven pets. - Laura Montgomery: Mom #1. Very chill, but very protective. - Francesca ‘Franny’ Wright: Mom #2. Just the sweetest, but is willing to cause harm to a bitch if necessary. - Dog: Herbert Fitzhoover (the light of all of our lives) - Cats: Tongs, Spoon, and Spatula. They’re just like old gay men. No further comment. - Bird: Chicken the parakeet. Spencer found him at the airport and just... brought him home. - Roomba: BoBo. Very Good Boy. - Kinda Penguin: Texas (a lesbian icon, married to Oklahoma)

The Chadwick Family:  - Dad: Nico Chadwick. Just, like, a really good dad. Living the life. - Older Brother: Andrew Chadwick. Absolute nerd, away at university, drinks his respecting women juice every day. - Younger Sisters: Rachel & Eliza Chadwick. Twins - they love tormenting Flynn. - Cat: Snoopy. The love of my life.

The Wilson Family:  - Cat: Peanut!! love him

The Mercer Family: - Alex’s Younger Sister: Annabelle ‘Annie’ Mercer. Deaf, has a bright pink hearing aid. Wants to be just like her big brother (is already halfway there, being that she is wildly queer).

RUNNING AND INSIDE JOKES:

Octoslashers III: Octoslashers shows up as some form of media in every fic we write. Every single one.

Twister: Alex is a GOD at Twister, and there’s no debating this.

Rasheed’s Leg: Rasheed breaks his leg, foot, or ankle somehow in every fic. He’s trying.

The Caleb Chew-Out: Let’s just say I’m making it my mission to write a scene into every fic of ours where a character yells at Caleb, and everyone is going to get their turn. 

Oklahomas: Oklahoma and Texas are soulmates in every universe. 

questions? let me know! i’ll add the answers (:

[ao3feed-thefoxholecourt]

A Minyard That Makes Shitty Robots

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3iWqznD

by iridescent_blue

Andrew should never listen to Bee's advice. Or maybe he should always listen to Bee's advice.

Anyway. At her prompting, he makes a YouTube channel to direct his manic energy into. It doesn't help that he only features his shitty, shitty, robots.

Words: 2600, Chapters: 1/2, Language: English

Fandoms: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Andrew Minyard, Kevin Day, Neil Josten, Nicky Hemmick

Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard

Additional Tags: Youtuber AU, sorry this is literally just medicated andrew as michael reeves because i have no self control, Crack Treated Seriously, featuring tomato spike and ankle detecting roomba, dont blame me you should be blaming bee for giving andrew the idea i just wrote the thing, no beta we die like men, if you wanted to assign roles to it? neil is like lilypichu, kevin would be like william osman i guess?, nicky is just nicky, its 1:15 am im crying a little

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3iWqznD

[dailydianakko]

lwa characters backflip headcanons

I assume you mean who can/can’t do backflips. I’ll do this in order by teams.

Green Team:

Amanda- have you seen her??? Can do many backflips. Any flips. Probably does parkour in her spare time. Can even walk on her hands.

Jasminka- She can move when she wants! Can front flip, backflipping hasn’t been tested yet. Probably can and will with enough motivation.

Constanze- Can’t backflip but is extremely good at somersaults. She programs stanbot to do sick flips after being convinced by Amanda.

Red Team:

Sucy- Doesn’t backflip on principle, has a ton of potions and ingredients that are extremely volatile, may explode if she backflips. May poison anyone who challenges her to backflip.

Lotte- Cannot backflip. Really good at strechting though, due to awkward reading positions when marathoning nightfall books. Can probably stick her foot behind her head.

Akko- Backflipping is possible but not guaranteed. Takes 40 tries to do it and only succeeds when no one is watching. Can sprint like hell though, has enough stamina to probably outrun a horse.

Blue Team:

Hannah- Will watch Amanda backflip, has no desire to do so herself. May attempt to if goaded, but doubtful. Can’t really backflip. She is Stronk though and can lift pretty well.

Barbara- No. Queen of doing impossible splits though, probably took ballet at a young age.

Diana- Can probably backflip but won’t becuase it’s improper. Probably took fencing and dance lessons. Let’s be honest she doesn’t have the stamina to be athletic for long, but she can bust some moves.

Misc. Characters:

Croix- Will die if backflip is attempted. She rides around on roombas, you expect her to be athletic???? Will only backflip if falling from extreme height uncontrollably.

Chariot/Ursula- Did you even watch this show??? Wrote the book on backflipping. Legend has it she backflipped while holding a cup of coffee and didn’t spill a single drop. Does parkour, all around athletic menace.

Andrew- Backflips if challenged. Has grace of an adult deer. Will try to talk himself out of situation first though.

Frank- Please do not ask him. He can’t. His one talent is baking though, the guy makes really good cupcakes.

[knox-knocks]

home alone au

i was going write an entire fic for this but then i ran out of time so have this instead! also this got kind of long so i put it under a keep reading

neil lives with matt and dan his sophomore year of college

this is a couple years after his father was executed by his uncle, so neil is free to be neil josten without having to worry about his father finding him

matt and dan are going to paris with allison and renee

they offered for neil to go, but neil declined and decided to stay home

alone

after making sure he’s really really going to be okay by himself for two weeks, matt, dan, allison, and renee go off to the airport 

neil’s okay

really

maybe a bit lonely

but he did survive on the run for eight years so he’ll be fine

insert andrew

or “the monster” as matt and dan call him

andrew lives alone a few houses down from neil, matt, dan

rumor has it he killed his parents and his twin brother out of cold blood and buried their bodies in the yard

too bad there just wasn’t enough evidence to convict

so andrew minyard walks free 

now neil is NOT scared of andrew

he’s short, he’s grumpy, and he’s an asshole

but he’s not scary. not to neil

so he just kind of leaves andrew alone and andrew leaves neil alone

a couple days into neil being alone, he’s watching tv in the living room when he hears voices outside the house

neil freezes and goes to investigate

he nearly books a plane ticket to argentina when he sees who’s lurking outside

riko moryiama and romero malcolm

neil thinks they found me they found me they’re going to kill me

he quickly flicks on the light and runs upstairs to the find a weapon before he hides 

but they don’t follow him

they thought the house was empty and good to rob, but when the light turned on they got spooked and left

they actually had no idea neil was there

the next day, neil is walking back from the grocery store

a bit spooked after seeing andrew, but andrew didn’t pay him any mind

neil isn’t paying attention to where he’s walking and is nearly hit by a van

driven by romero with riko in the passenger seat

neil immediately recognizes them of course

but they don’t seem to know who he his

he goes home, confused and more than a little freaked out

when romero and riko return to the house that night, neil quickly finds out that they turned to thievery after falling on hard times after the moriyama/wesninski empire was dismantled 

and this is just some horrible horrible coincidence 

once the mobsters-turned-bandits are gone, neil goes to the nearby court 

it’s the middle of the night so he doesn’t expect anyone there, which is what he wants

he never played exy again after he and mary ran

but sometimes he’ll sneak into a court when he feels bad to hit some exy balls around with a borrowed racquet 

it’s not the same but it’s something

except the court isn’t empty

and that’s when neil has his second heart attack in a week

kevin day is on the court, firing balls into an empty goal and going through several intense drills by himself

everyone knows that kevin’s career was ruined when he broke his left hand in a skiing accident. he tried to play a season with the palmetto state foxes, but he was never the same and he stopped playing after the foxes’ failure

neil never thought he’d see kevin pick up an exy racquet ever again. but now that he has, neil is in awe

kevin doesn’t see neil, he’s too absorbed in his game

but the person in the bleachers does

andrew minyard is watching him from his spot a couple rows up

when neil sits to watch kevin practice, andrew hops down the last couple rows and settles a couple feet away

neil tenses, but andrew doesn’t say anything. they just sit in silence until kevin is done and neil leaves before kevin can spot him

neil returns every night after that, and eventually they do start to talk

andrew drops kevin off at his house but he finds neil again and joins him on a walk

they start to talk

neil asks andrew if he really murdered his family

andrew confesses his mother died in a car accident, but she deserved it because she was beating aaron and andrew promised to protect him. but he never met his dad and andrew hadn’t talked to aaron or his cousin nicky since he graduated highschool

neil understands killing in defense, so he doesn’t hold it against andrew. if anything, it helps him understand andrew better

in return, neil tells andrew about how he got his scars after andrew asks about them. he tells him the basic gist of who is father was and being on the run with his mom

he tells andrew about mary’s death and the burning car. the kidnapping and the dashboard lighter. the execution and neil’s freedom

they learn to trust each other, even though it hasn’t even been that long since they officially met

a couple days later, three days before christmas, riko and romero return

neil just barely fends them off by making the house seem full, using mannequins allison left over and the life-size cut out of jeremy knox tied to a roomba

he hears romero say that they’ll come back on christmas eve, giving neil two days to prepare

that night, neil doesn’t tell andrew about riko and romero. instead he lets andrew talk about his family, and how he adamantly refuses to admit that he misses them

neil feels a pang at that. his mother wasn’t good, but sometime he still misses the good parts of her. and he misses matt and dan so much, even though they’ve only been gone for a week and a half

neil tells andrew that he should contact his brother, but andrew refuses

aaron has katelyn now, and nicky has erik. they don’t need andrew anymore

and andrew promised to protect kevin, no matter what. nothing will come in the way of his promises

the next day, neil begins to set up a bunch of traps

he ices the steps to the door, and puts an iron on the doorknob to make it super hot. he sets up a glue-and-feather trap in the living room and tar and nails along the basement stairs

when riko and romero show up on christmas eve, they don’t stand a chance

they both quickly figure out who neil is, and they really, really want to kill him

neil doesn’t call the cops of course. he doesn’t trust the police, not after those two cops that were paid off when neil was sent to his death by his father’s hands

so he lets riko and romero go through his traps

and, if he’s being completely honest with himself, it’s really funny to watch romero get hit in the face with a flying paint can and the outline of an iron on riko’s stupid face is hysterical 

plus he shoots them with a bb gun, so that’s pretty great too

but neil’s fun ends pretty quickly when romero and riko catch him in the neighbors house

neil knows it’s the end for him

he’s trapped and romero has a gun. riko has two wicked-looking knives 

neil squeezes his eyes shut, silently apologizes to matt and dan, and waits for death

except it doesn’t come

neil opens his eyes to see andrew with a blade against riko’s throat

neil takes his chance and dives for romero

the gun goes off and hits riko in the leg, causing him to drop his knives

neil snatches it before riko can and drives it through romero’s palm before he can shoot andrew

the cops come, and romero and riko are arrested for all the robberies 

luckily, the cops know exactly which houses they hit, since they left the water running in all of them

neil and andrew go home to neil’s house, completely safe 

that’s when andrew kisses neil

and neil thinks that this is definitely something he could get used to

the next morning, neil wakes up alone

well 

with andrew borrowing the couch in the next room

neil goes downstairs. everything is quiet, and it’s snowing outside. it’s really peaceful

then he turns around and sees matt

and matt runs to him and gives neil such a massive bear hug that it takes neil off of his feet

matt tells neil that he didn’t want neil to spend christmas alone so he decided to come back to be with him. he tells him that he had to catch three different planes and had to get a ride with two other guys and it was crazy!

neil laughs and he really is grateful that matt is here

then a man with tanned skin and dark curls walks in with ... andrew?

no not andrew

his twin. aaron

matt introduces them as the guys he got a ride with, nicky and aaron

and that’s the moment andrew decides to come downstairs

matt stops because w t f why is the monster in his house and why does neil not look alarmed

he is even more confused when nicky immediately runs to andrew and stops just before he goes to hug him. andrew nods once and nicky pulls his cousin into a simple hug and doesn’t let go until andrew basically shoves him away

behind them, aaron and andrew nod at each other in acknowledgement 

and THEN

dan, allison, and renee pop up behind them

they caught the morning flight and made it back just in time

neil, matt, dan, allison, renee, nicky, andrew, and aaron all decide to have christmas dinner and exchange presents

andrew calls kevin and bee and they come over with kevin’s dad, wymack, and his step-mom, abby

neil doesn’t think he could ever be happier than he is in that moment, surrounded by friends and family

for the years to come, they all get together and have christmas dinner with each other

and it’s perfect

[jodybouchard9]

Grow a Quarantine Lawn That Makes Friends Green With Envy

BOB STEFKO FOR THE WALL STREET JOURNAL

As COVID-19 puts most beach getaways on hold, lawns are reclaiming their role as America’s quintessential summer escape—one of the few places you can freely gather among handsomely masked friends. With more time than ever to devote to that swath of green just beyond your door, now is your chance to achieve the most enviable lawn on the block.

But before you start arbitrarily dumping fertilizer, you need a road map. Start with a soil test, said Peter Landschoot, professor of turfgrass science at Penn State. Just like the panel blood work your doctor consults during a physical, soil tests detail what’s going on below the surface. DIY tests purchased online can be dicey, so find a link to a soil testing lab in your state (nifa.usda.gov). You might also find there a primer from the agronomists and horticulturalists who study grass in your region.

Once you address how to help your blades grow, you’ll need to tame them. Push mowers have seen staggering advances in recent years; battery-powered versions bear little resemblance to the anemic early attempts that stalled out in tall grass. The beefy Ego Power+ 21” Select Cut ($649, egopowerplus.com) can shave clippings for about an hour and has enough muscle to power two blades, which you’ll want to keep sharp, said Andrew Ziehler, president of Ziehler Lawn and Tree Care outside of Dayton, Ohio. Dull steel rips the grass tips off—like hacking through a steak with a butter knife—leaving ragged ends that brown quickly and invite disease. A sharp blade cuts cleanly like a surgeon’s scalpel.

High-tech horticulturalists might gravitate to robotic mowers, like the Husqvarna Automower (from $1,200, husqvarna.com) and Stihl iMow (from $1,500, stihlusa.com) which work like a Roomba for your lawn. But these gadgets often trade convenience for aesthetics. A lawn done well has pleasing stripes, like the grill marks of a perfectly charred burger. These pricey mowers can cut overly random patterns and require a perimeter guidewire, which can quickly become a trip hazard.

While mowing is important, any professional landscaping crew relies on additional tools to ensure a tidy turf. A string trimmer, like the Ryobi 40 Volt Brushless Expand-It ($199, ryobitools.com), helps finish the perimeter of a lawn with crisp edges, important when it borders a sidewalk or patio. When you’re done, disperse the clumps left behind with a leaf blower. The Greenworks 60V 610 CFM Cordless Axial Leaf Blower ($179, greenworkstools.com) is far quieter than older gas-powered models.

The smartest new tool is a controller that efficiently orchestrates the buried lines and sprinkler heads of an irrigation system. Modern versions like the Rachio 3 (from $229, rachio.com) sync with your smartphone and offer a simple user interface you can adjust without fussing with confusing buttons and dials. It also uses your ZIP Code to get local weather, then tailors your watering schedule accordingly.

Riding coattails on all this tech is the simple plastic flap that hangs behind a mower’s rear wheels—the unlikeliest of lawncare MVPs. Like rubbing your hand on a new carpet as a kid, the flap changes the bend in the turf. When you alternate directions with each calculated pass, the grass bows toward and then away from you, and a pattern forms. For turf that looks like a MLB outfield, do a final pass with a Brinly-Hardy lawn roller drum ($129, homedepot.com), to expertly bend the blades.

Even a garage filled with tools won’t help a starved lawn. Underperforming lawns tend to be nutrient deficient, say landscape pros. “Grass looks its best when properly fed throughout the season,” said Mr. Ziehler. “And fertilizer is not one of the scenarios where if some is good, more is better.” Follow the label’s guidelines, he said; a healthy turf resists weeds and disease, making maintenance infinitely easier. Don’t worry, you’ll still get the credit.

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