#andrew can only do deadpan humor

[the-inner-musings-of-a-worm]

be honest who out of kevin, neil and andrew would guest star on SNL and how well would they do?

[voidselfshipp]

"Do I really gotta do this?!-- i-enserio? fine! Alright people lets do this one more time..."

《♡♡♡♡♡♡》

Jerico "Silver-Spider" Castro.

"With great power comes great responsability. Emotional health be damned,apparently"

->She/they/he/xe/dragonself.

Bit at 15 by a radioactive spider, Jerico became the one and (at least for a little) only Silver-Spider. When shes not collapsing over her university studies or protesting for rights, she saves her dimention from villains and undesirables (politicians).

Her Real identity is Jerico Castro, an animation student and aspiring actress that lives in Argentina. She likes to go to conventions,read and draw during her off time.

They appear in the first Spiderman movie, and is actually one of the more apologetic towards miles, backing Him up when necessary. He acts like an older sibling towards miles but is eventually out voted by the whole spidey gang pre leap of faith scene. One of her reoccuring bits is that xey freak out over how Many uni classes xey might be missing while on miles' dimention.

Dragon's dimention (aka Dimention 914) is a world where flowers Bloom according to peoples emotions and dragons range from household pests,pets or just Giant mega fauna that fly over the clouds. (Aka they are pigeons). Jerico has one of them as a pet but beyond being mentioned it doesnt impact much during the first movie.

Shortly after ITSV shes recruited to join Miguel's spider society, soon falling in love with him and Hobie. They are usually the voice of reason in arguments and during ATSV he supports miles to no end.Xey have a sibling relationshipp with Pravatr too,low key pravatr has been adopted by silver spider and spider punk.

Her sense of humor is more dry,sarcastic and ironic remarks, also deadpan humor and dark humor. Which sets them appart from other spider ppl. (Miguel and hobie are eternally amused at their jokes)

(Also the only one who can make Miguel laugh since they share the same sense of humor)

Design: cw for semi realistic yet stylized version of a spider.

Powers:

Spidey-Sense,light reflective webs,can stick to surfaces,sharp nails/talons,webs are sturdier and more durable.

Abilities:

Can slingshot themself across miles of distance(needs strong winds),can make a parachute out of webs, spider Like hunting skills (see Andrew garfields fight scenes),mild flower manipulation given by their dimention (only happens when dragon's out of earth 914)

《♡♡♡♡♡》

->only mutuals allowed to reblog. DONT REPOST MY ARTT.

->@malewifehenrycooldown @sugar-and-pearls @tex-treasures

[tomwambscunts]

Pt. 2 - Ok but anyways, Celeste Yim is like my absolute favorite writer, I think so much of what they do is brilliant. Bowen Yang might be my favorite cast member ever, he’s got such a spark that feels kind of… glamorous? Also this might sound wishy washy but it does feel awesome watching 10 years later and seeing how much progress has been made in terms of diversity. Obviously there can always be progress made but seriously, we used to have Nasim Pedrad and Fred Armisen playing every POC under the sun and the nuance just wasn’t there. Now there not only are there are multiple POC and LGBTQ members on the cast but the writing staff is more diverse and imo that really shows. There are sketches that you can tell are queer or tapped into a specific culture (I’m Latina myself was just dyingggg over Pedro pascal’s protective mother sketch and the Spanish class sketch with Ana de armas and Karol G. May have claimed Marcello as my son, nbd lol). And Molly Kearney playing men and women characters in different sketches is so fucking rad.

Chloe Fineman reminds me of Abbey Elliott if Abbey Elliott took risks and I appreciate that even though she gets featured a lot play she can play the straight man really well so it doesn’t feel too over saturated (I think they made this mistake with Kristen Wiig and Kate McKinnon during their respective heydays).

I’m lowkey fascinated with PDD as writers vs performers (and as people in general tbh but that’s a whole other ball of wax lol). I think they write GREAT sketches and I also LOVE their digital shorts but I think both should be kept separate… I hope they don’t become cast members. I don’t think combining the two would work.

It’s also so funny to me to see who people fangirl over. I think Andrew Dismukes is super funny and I love his writing (Toyota dealership ruled) but I am lowkey shocked he has such a following lol. And I totally agree with you, Michael Longfellow needs to be an update host. He’s got fucking awesome deadpan delivery and a subtle sardonic mischievousness to him that combined with those good looks I could see him becoming a new niche heartthrob.

I completely agree with you on Chloe and PDD. I absolutely love the rookies, especially Michael and Marcello have been standouts for me. I’m LOVING Ego, Sarah and JAJ this season + Rosebud Baker as a writer. I’ve always loved Celeste and Bowen, like Celeste is such a solid writer and Bowen as a performer shines every sketch he’s in but I’m not really into their sketches this season. I usually like the stuff that are coming from this pairing but honestly not so much in s48.

The thing about Andrew, we love him so much because he’s like TLI, Tim Robinson, Kyle Mooney and Will Forte combined in one person. Completely unhinged. He has a writer’s brain and type of sense of humor that no one really has (which is I think why he can’t vibe with current writers). This season should’ve been his breakout season… and yet… remains incredibly underrated.

[cauldron-of-coulter]

—SCARS ARE OUR ARMOR

PT.1

±You meet a mysterious man named Coulter through gaming with your friends±

Howling like a reverberated cataclysm of pressure, the forces of the gale that thundered down on the dystopia of the fallen city known as Olde Serrn, rocked the rubble and fallen debris into a whirlwind of flying objects.

There was a deafening silence that followed the downfall of the empire, followed by a chorus of loud rambunctious laughter breaking the reticent and taciturn lack of volume emitted by the shock of a lucky triumph. Hollers of praise and boasts of victory soon began a cluster of fortitude among the four brazen warriors, each sound bouncing through the mesh of your headset as your laughter echoed theirs.

“I was sure that Octomi was about to rip you a whole new asshole, Y/N. What the hell were you even doing in there?”

You recognised the voice belonged to your long time friend Andrew—a seemingly incompetent gamer but an all to enthusiastic friend— who you could tell was sporting a grin from the amusement in his voice.

“I found a kitchen that had oven mitts you could wear and—”

More laughter swallowed your hearing, making it hard to focus on your own sentence since you could barely hear yourself talk over the noise. A trait many would consider a weakness through vanity, but you would call not-tripping-over-your-words.

“All I know is that there was an open oven and not enough food to go around, so—”

A hearty wheeze cut you off, before the infamous rumble of Finn's words cut through the air at an exasperated speed, oxygen becoming a deprived feature among the four of you.

“... The objective was to fend off the Octomi, not feed them.”

A ping flashed on everyone's screens as the silent warrior, Dash, messaged everyone at once.

ʼWho got the final Octomi?ʼ

“Uh, I cuffed that bad boy before it managed to sneak up on Y/N.” Came Finn's proud and smug reply. You could just imagine him sat behind his screen shooting finger guns at his own reflection.

Ping. ʼDid you charge him with resisting a roast?ʼ

You couldn't help the wild cackle that fell from your lips at that message. It wasn't uncommon for you to be easily amused by the worst jokes in the world. It's probably why Andrew's dad loved your company so much.

The group chat lit up the screen in neon as another person entered. Finn was the one to greet the newcomer, him being the only known associate to him.

“No fuckin' way! Coulter, I'm glad you could make it bud. These are the friends I was telling you about.”

Confusion washed over you before a feigned gasp flew out and an accusation flew off your tongue—only those who truly knew you, could tell when you were joking, to everyone else you were just bitchy.

“You mean to tell me that you've been speaking about us behind our backs to a complete stranger, but told us nothing of this guy?”

Andrew instantly deadpanned by continuing, “Did you forget to come out before you decided to introduce us to your boyfriend?”

Ping. ʼ🤔ʼ

“Fuck you, I came out three years ago.” He countered with amusement.

A warm chuckle rippled through the social circle, causing the hair to stand up on the back of your neck, goosebumps traveling down your arms. His voice was silky and enchanting as it greeted the group of misfits. “If you can't beat them, I can arrange to have them beaten for you, Finn.”

The threatening and dark tone to his voice sent shivers down your spine and you immediately became intrigued by how easily you felt almost intimidated by him. Most people didn't find it o easy to fit in, but you noted how this guy was already apart of the pack without even trying.

Maybe it was the friendship he shared with Finn that made him more relatable and easy to be at ease with, or perhaps it was his ability to pick up on morbid humor by rebutting his own, or the way he thrived off using an insult based sense of humor as a term of endearment—regardless of the reason, you decided against trying to pinpoint the cause, and instead focused on engaging him in the battle of wits he had started. Either way, the conversation just seemed to flow easily between you both.

You figured it was an attempt to distract you from the onslaught of blows his character pummelled onto yours, but when he realised that it wasn't removing your attention from the focus at hand, he decided another approach.

In capital letters and bright blue lettering, appearing at the bottom of your screen, the words that held your attention span as you struggled to open the notification, read:

'DAUNTLESSDEVIL HAS SENT YOU A FRIEND REQUEST'

And just like that, your new friend Coulter cheated his way to a victory by using his own orchestrated distraction against you.

Part 2

[doodlingstuff]

Coffee first?

Very late @aftgexchange gift for @rainbow-0bsidian Here's a Coffee Shop AU featuring an evil autumn-colored crocheted nanna-rug. Hope you like it!

---

"I don't even know why I'm letting you drag me into this. I have a paper due tomorrow." Jean says, tapping furiously into his laptop as if the excessive noise will make him go faster.

"Because the two of you need to go out more often! Unless you are, you know, like together, in which case-"

"Don't even finish that thought." Andrew threatens Dan from his place, smoking on the window.

Dan crosses her arms. She's in the middle of the room, where she can look at both men at the same time. The truth is, she knows they both have lives. Or sort of... But she doesn't want to go alone to meet the cute beefcake from the gym on her first date.

They've been eyeing each other for long enough without saying anything, that in the end, it had been Dan who proposed having coffee in her preferred place.

"Okay. I'm done." Jean announces, closing his laptop. "Move it, Minyard."

"I didn't sign myself to be her chaperon."

"And I'm not going to be their third wheel."

"Guys, come on! I never ask anything from either of you."

Both men turn to shot daggers at Dan. Technically, she spends most of the week asking things, but that is because she's the team's captain, and they're supposed to fall under her command.

"I'll buy you a slice of each cake," Dan says to Andrew. "And I'll help you finish your paper when we return." She adds to Jean. "Can we go now?"

Andrew shrugs before discarding his half-smoked cigarette. Dan feels immediate relief. She won't go alone. Her roommates will be there, and if everything goes to awful hell, she can always count on Allison and Renee to cry all night.

"How do I look?" Dan asks the men. She still has a few minutes to make last-minute changes.

Andrew swipes her from top to bottom and Jean from her shoes to her hair.

"Could be worse."

"Halloween is coming."

Dan feels her belly churning with dread. It must be the boots, or the sweater, or the hair. Or perhaps she overdid her makeup? What if-

"Wilds, no." Andrew breaks the silence. Dan turns to look at him. If she has to give the tiny man credit for something, is that he knows how to dress when he means it. She should've asked for his help. Or Jean.

Oh, for fuck's sake. She's so stupid! She also lives with a French, and she couldn't ask for advice. This Matt guy is turning her into a puddle of uselessness.

"I said no. Let's go." Andrew cuts in again and storms out of the door.

Dan sighs and goes out, ready to fail.

The way goes silent. Andrew and Jean occasionally type something on their phones. They are closer to each other than they are to Dan. Like real bodyguards. At least that gives Dan a bit of security.

She breathes in the chilly morning autumn air and pushes the door of the Fox Coffee Shop, already scanning the tables. There's no sign of her big man yet. She might have a few minutes to steel herself for the stunning view and relax before he-

"What are you doing? Don't leave me with her!" Jean scowls behind her. She turns on her heels to see Andrew leaving the coffee shop.

"Andrew! What are you doing? Andrew!"

Dan is finally thankful for choosing shoes she can run with. She is so worried about being left alone with the cute man that she doesn't pay attention to the sound of windows smashing at her back and hurries more to step in front of Andrew.

"We got a deal! What's wrong with you?"

Andrew only lifts a brow. It would've been enough to make Dan step aside if she didn't know him so well already, and she hadn't noticed the faint blush on his cheeks.

"Can we go back? I got a date."

"Go ahead. I don't." There's the faintest of inflections in the last part. Dan would've asked if she only had time. Right now, she wants her date to be perfect, and it's coming pretty bad from before the start.

"I'll also get you fancy ice cream when I'm done. Andrew, come on, I need you."

The man looks from Dan's face to the coffee shop at the back. His cheeks blush again.

"Is he worth it?"

"I'll never know if we don't meet."

"Chocolate fudge, rocky road, brownie, and cookie chips. Plus the cakes, and I reserve the right to stab him if he isn't worth it."

"Awesome. You're the best. Come on; he must be there."

Dan makes her way back to the coffee shop, feeling pounds lighter with Andrew going willingly behind her. However, the relief doesn't last long.

There's a crowd of people at the entrance of the place. Dan makes way for her and Andrew to see what's the source of the commotion. A million scenes cross her mind. All of them, except the one with Jean on the floor, cursing in angry French at a blond man who's pressing gauze to his forehead.

"I can't take care of that cut if you keep moving, you know?" The blond says.

"Leave my head alone and get rid of that stupid rug!" Jean protests.

Dan looks at the spot pointed by Jean. There's a crumpled autumn-colored crocheted nana-rug on the floor.

"As if it was the rug's fault that you can't see where you put your feet. Or your whole body, for that matter." Interjects a small man from aside. He gives a few steps to get close to the window that apparently, met Jean's head. "At least you hit with the wall and didn't break the window."

"Neil, can you go back to attending orders?" The blond man asks, still busy attending Jean.

At her back, Dan hears Andrew muttering "Neil" to himself.

"I'm not cleaning his blood." The man -Neil-, says as he goes back to the counter.

Dan doesn't pay any more attention to him and crouches beside Jean. "What happened?"

"I wanted to catch Andrew before he ran away and slipped with their stupid rug. Who puts a rug in the middle of a coffee shop?"

"I did; any problems?" Neil replies from the back of the counter.

"You are a problem!" Jean shouts at the same time that Andrew says it, already in front of Neil. The blush has extended from his cheeks to his ears.

"It's just an attitude problem," Neil says, quieter, only for Andrew to hear, but the whole shop is still silent with the commotion.

"I'll still solve you," Andrew says with a casual shrug that can fool anyone but Dan or Jean.

"At least buy something before."

The blond man. Jeremy reads his tag, just puts his head inside his hands. "This job is going to kill me."

At that moment, Dan can see the instant shuffle in Jean. When he sees the exhaustion in Jeremy, he also goes slack against the wall, all tension between him, the rug, and Neil instantly gone. "I'm sorry for causing you trouble, love. It's just- Andrew's impossible, and our girl Dan here is having her first date with a guy from the gym."

Dan can't think anymore. She doesn't even know what's going on. Jean and Jeremy are holding hands on the floor, and Andrew is having a heavy staring contest with Neil at the counter.

"Love?" Is all she can mutter.

"We've been dating for weeks. We didn't want to tell you because I thought you liked him." Jean says.

"I- What?"

"You come here so often that I thought you might come for me? It wouldn't be the first time. And I know it wouldn't be because of Neil; he doesn't seem your type." Jeremy explains.

Dan feels dumbfounded. Her knees are about to give up below here. This can't be happening.

"I come here because of the morning views, the warm lattes, the pecan pie, and the free Wi-Fi! And I have a fucking date with a super hot guy who's like seven feet of glorious muscle crowned with a perfect smile and the most hilarious sense of humor. Why would I even look at you? No offense, Jean, I can see the appeal."

"Do you think all that of me?" Asks a deep voice behind Dan.

"Fuck me now," Dan mutters to Jean's and Jeremy's entertainment.

"Uh... Thought we could have coffee first? But I can do that too if that's what you want. I mean, who wouldn't? You're like a goddess."

"I- Wh- So- Do you really think I'm a goddess?"

"Hell yeah, I've been wanting to ask you out since spring but thought like your friend's boyfriend that you were into him and I-"

"Shut up and kiss me."

Dan doesn't think as she talks and pulls Matt in for a kiss.

All her nerves melt as soon as their mouths meet. It's so much better than anything she had imagined. Not that she'd put too many thoughts into picturing herself with Matt, but it's everything she ever dreamt of and then some.

"You could do the same someday." Dan listens to Andrew deadpan to Neil. She bursts into laughter at the same time as Matt.

The kiss breaks, but their hands remain holding as they go to get their drinks and officially start their date.

It looks like this date won't be a total failure after all.

[andrew-minyards-bitch]

Conversations Renee and Andrew definitely had

Andrew, struggling on basic grammar: how do you differentiate between man and men?

Renee: mEn has an E in it which stands for Ego that Every men have

Renee: mAn stands for Audacity that some may posses but are too cowardly to show it

~

Renee: what’re you eating?

Andrew: a Twix

Renee, under her breath: ya fucking twink

~

Renee, anytime Andrew says or does something problematic: did you know it takes zero dollars to shut up and think before you speak or do?

Andrew: pay for my silence

Renee: bitch you think you’re worth the money? Also I’m broke so,,

~

Dan: why the fuck are you sitting on the sofa like that?

Renee, with her legs spread wide on the sofa so Andrew wouldn’t have any room: huh? What do you mean?

Andrew, clingy on the left corner of the sofa like a cat because he refuses to admit defeat: we’re both gay :)

Dan, is tired: *l e a v e s*

~

Renee: I think that men should show emotions more specifically crying <3

Andrew: yes I agree, like in media or literature men not showing emotions and painting them as monsters is so shitty-

Renee, stares in “you didn’t let me finish talking”: not because of gender equality and all that shit but because I just like seeing them cry, I see a man in pain and I’m like good, suffer

Andrew: I- that works too

~

Renee: I am sick and tired of “men don’t feel emotions” bullshit when society literally allows men to weaponize their anger and let it out in ways that physically harm another human being and last I checked anger is an emotion

~

Renee: I hate men

Andrew: good more for me

~

Andrew: enemies to lovers is only good when it’s gay

Renee, sometimes his reading partner: exactly because if I wanted to see a man and a woman arguing I’d simply go downstairs and have dinner with Coach and Betsy

~

Andrew, has TikTok: I’m gonna marry your son, make him my husband

Renee, deadpans: Andrew- Neil is an orphan you know this

Andrew: it’s a TikTok sound??

~

Andrew and Renee had a Disney movie marathon:

Andrew: look I get that everyone is freaking out over Nick Wilde from zootopia but like are we not going to acknowledge that Robin Hood was the literal blueprint?

Andrew: see here; same ginger fur, green eyes, is a criminal and the government wants them, attractive personality, dry witty humor that makes them even hotter- they are literally the same person

Andrew: Robin Hood walked, he walked, he strutted that runway so that Nick Wilde could run

Renee: I? Just? Want to? Marry? Maid? Marian??

~

Renee, watching 2017 beauty and the beast while the beast is singing “evermore”: break a man to the point where he sings songs like this

Andrew, trying to vibe with the song: I’m begging you to not, please

~

Andrew: why has no one made a joke about Flynn’s late name?

Renee: you want to Ride his dick so bad don’t you?

~

Andrew: I want to get kidnapped

Renee, slightly concerned: why?

Andrew: cause if they decide to starve me then I can be skinny

Renee: why don’t you just try dieting?

Andrew, eating a tube of ice cream: no I’m good

~

Andrew: *sends ten paragraphs of love notes*

Renee: *talks about something that’s completely irrelevant*

Andrew: did you not read what I sent you?

Renee: bitch you think I’ve got the time??

~

Andrew: I want food

Renee: no starve

Andrew: I want food but I’m too lazy to get up and cook

Renee: you should get a sugar daddy and then I’ll get a sugar mommy so then we won’t have to do anything again

Andrew: *already downloading the app before Renee could finish speaking*

~

Renee: Andrew go shove the snow, help the workers out

Andrew: no that’s a buff lesbian’s job and looking at the both of us, it’s clearly not me

Renee: you lazy fuc-

~

Renee: I hate you!!

Andrew: okay?!

Renee: *gets 10 snacks and gives it to Andrew five minutes later* I love you so much you have no idea, you are the light of my life and everything about you makes me a better person

Andrew: I don’t know if that’s sarcasm or not but your mood switch is freaking me out

~

Andrew: can you try not killing me?

Renee, sparing partners check: can your face not look so annoying and punch able?

[pookiescurls]

His world | SM blurb

Word count: 1188

Requested by @theregoesmyherojd : Can you do a blurb about maybe me getting hurt while Shawn is on tour and he flies home to be with me despite me telling him he doesn’t need to be? And him being really upset and feeling guilty. Like I have a seizure and hit my head when I fell and my mom calls him and tells him what happened?

I hope this is ok. It’s also not proof read, so sorry about any typos. 

Shawn had left for tour a few weeks ago. To say he was a little apprehensive would be an understatement. You two had been dating well before quarantine, but had decided to make the next step during quarantine. Shawn had always been home and was always there for you when you had a seizure. It still terrified him to see you have one, but he was getting better. And in the few weeks before he left, your seizures had started to decrease. You both knew that they wouldn’t ever completely go away, but it was still nice not having them. 

But now you were to be home alone while he was on tour, and that thought terrified Shawn. He tried to convince you to come on tour with him, but you told him that music was his thing, and he didn’t need you weighing you down. That was a whole other conversation that Shawn didn’t even want to have at that moment. All he wanted was to make sure you were safe. But after bringing up going on tour with him, he realized that he wasn’t ever going to win the argument. He then went to trying to convince you to move in with your mom for the time being. That conversation didn’t go any better. You were stubborn and independent. There was no way you were going to change your mind. 

Shawn still didn’t want to leave you, but you had convinced him that fans had waited long enough to hear his music live. You could also see how antsy he was getting. He wanted to go out a be a rock star again, and you didn’t want to take that experience away from him. So he finally left, and apart from missing Shawn things were fine; until they weren’t

You were home, visiting you mother for the weekend. The emptiness of your and Shawns apartment was getting to you, so decided to pay your mom a much needed visit. You and her were binge watching your favorite TV show when it happened. You got up to refill your glass with water in the kitchen. You fell to the ground and started seizing. 

You mother heard your glass shatter from the living room and ran to your aid. She saw you seizing on the floor, with a nasty gash on your forehead. You hit your head on the corner of the counter when you fell to the ground. Your mother positioned your body on it’s side and propped your head on a throw pillow she grabbed form the living room. After the seizure, your mother took you to the hospital, she thought you needed stiches. 

Meanwhile, on tour, Shawn was sitting in his hotel room when he got a gut wrenching feeling. Something was wrong, and the next thing he knew he was facetiming you. 

However, you didn’t want to accept his call. You were in the middle of the hospital, getting stiches. You knew if he saw you in that state, he would freak out. But you not accepting his call freaked him out. And he started spamming your phone, but you just weren’t answering him, and that made the feeling in his stomach worse. Then, he got the idea to call your mother. If something bad happened, she would be able to check on you. Your mother was sitting right next to you, and saw you watch your phone and not answer it.

“You’re going to give the poor boy a heart attack,” she deadpanned.

Before you could reply, her phone went off. She gave you her mom look before answering the phone. 

“Hello dear,” she hummed into the phone.

“Oh thank god… Y/n isn’t answering her phone. Can you go check on her, make sure she’s ok? I have this gut feeling that somethings wrong-” he shot out. 

“Shawn, hun, calm down” your mother interrupted

“I can’t calm down, somethings wrong. She always answers her phone. What if she had a seizure at home and like hit her head or something? What if-”

“What if she was with me and everything fine?” she interrupted again

“She had a seizure?” he got really quiet

“Yes… she hit her head and she’s getting stitches right now. But she’s fine.”

“She’s getting stitches?” he yelled.

you heard him and grabbed the phone from her mothers hand

“Shawn…”

“You’re getting stitches?” he asked

“Yes. But I’m fine bub. I just hit my head. I’m still in one piece, there's nothing you need to worry about.”

“I’m coming home,” he sounded like he had already made up his mind.

“No you’re not. You’re fans need you on tour.”

“You need me at home,” he was quick to respond.

“Shawn Peter Raul! Listen to me! I am fine. If it makes you feel better, i’ll stay with my mom for the rest of tour.... You’re fans need you on tour. They have waited so long to see you perform your new album. Don’t make them wait any longer.”

He was silent. He knew he was going to come home, even if for only a few days, but he wasn’t going to tell you that. He felt guilty that he left you in the first place, and now that you were in the hospital getting stitches made him feel so much worse for leaving you. 

“Fine….” he agreed. He only said that to humor you.

“I love you Shawn.”

“I love you too” he mumbled.

And at that, he hung up and booked a flight home. He had a free day the next day, and a press day after. He called Andrew and had him cancel the interviews, you were more important

Later that night at Y/n’s moms house

“You know he’s going to come home right?” your mother deadpanned. That man loved you more than anything. She thought the fact her daughter actually expected Shawn not to come home was ridiculous. 

“I told him to stay there. His fans are counting on him mom. I don’t need him here.” you replied

And before your mother said say anything, the door bell went off.

“Well, I wonder who that is.” your mom quipped with a smirk on her face.

You huffed and followed your mom to the front door. You knew exactly who it was. 

“You know you don’t have to knock,” Your mother opened the door with a smile on her face.

Shawn blushed and his eyes landed on his girlfriend. On her forehead was a fresh cut, all stitched up. He knew there would be a pretty wicked scar there once it healed. 

“I couldn’t live with myself if i didn’t come home” he whispered to her as he engulfed her in a hug.

He held you so tight, it was like he hadn’t seen you in years, when it was actually only a few weeks. 

“Please don’t be mad. I know you told me to stay, but that was an impossible request. You are my world. I don’t know what i would do if something really bad happened to you. I am so in love with you.”

[chandelier-s-notebook]

Doodlewash April 2021 prompt 18: Dragon

I made another AU. Because I don’t have enough of those I guess.

Also. I don’t really know how I feel about the pacing of this, and there is so much telling. It’s just a first draft, I need to sleep on it before I like it, but I don’t have time to do that. So while it’s fresh off the line, please enjoy this fic.

If anyone wants to be part of a taglist of this Dragon Rider AU, feel free to message me/send an ask/or mention it in reblogs.

--------------------------

This was the best school fieldtrip ever. Ridiara Prep had taken its students to the Premier League Juniors’ Dragon Racing Finals.

The day’s races were not only for national championship spots, but it was also a school day – which meant that huge swaths of the stands were reserved for half price student tickets.

The Manbri National Junior’s Dragon Race Eventing had space for four jockeys from each of the sixteen districts. Even before the Finals the people of The Yaston District knew that two slots would to go Number 35 and Number 13, or as their names, Technoblade and Dream. It was just a toss up to see who slots three and four would go to.

Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo sat in a cluster about as far away from the action as you could get. Not my choice, no they’d much rather be pressed against the rails, leaning over the edge watching the events unfold. Unfortunately, the seats provided by Ridiara Prep where all the way in the back corner. And if they were going to be confined to the back-most section, then these boys were going to sit all the way in the back and be petty.

The air in the stadium was electric as school started pouring in from all over Yaston.

Tommy was a bored kind of excited. The kind where you sit still and do other things while the anticipation builds internally. The kind where you know what to expect, but the energy and the thrill gets you going.

Tubbo was to bouncy type of excited. The kind where you can’t stay still and can’t help but look around at everything.  The kind where you absorb the energy of everyone else in the room and let it out with your movement.

Ranboo was the talkative kind of excited. The kind where you can’t contain yourself; where you ramble on and on about the things on your mind. The kind where you know that you might be annoying everyone around you, but you don’t care.

At 10:50am the first fleet of four racers came onto the course. The crowd screamed. The racers flew their dragons into the cages. At 11am the jumbotron screen showed the gates fall down and the cages lower below the course as the jockeys shoot forward.

The dragons weaved around each other and the course. Six laps around, the first two to cross the finishing line on the last lap would move onto the next round.

The course had a simple winding fight path with straight-aways, sharp turns, and more rounded ones. There was also a lower and upper flight limit, the dragons could overtake each other by going around or over or under, but you had to catch up first.

There were sixteen racers in the Finals, which meant seven races over the course of the day. Technoblade and Dream were on opposite sides of the tournament bracket so it would be in the afternoon when they faced off – if neither of them choked on their way to qualification for the Nationals placement flight.

The crowd had just as much energy at the end of the day as the beginning. The Nationals team was going to be Number 35, Technoblade; Number 13, Dream; Number 54, Punz; and Number 3, Puffy. The final race of the day was simply to put them in the tournament brackets.

Ranboo and Tubbo were Technoblade fanboys. They were screaming for their favourite to win. Tommy was just as excited, but it was infinitely less obvious. He just didn’t express his joy, but he did have on a dopy smile the whole time, and his eyes narrowed when anyone overtook Technoblade.

The thing about the Juniors’ League was that it was the lowest age category with the over sixteen rules. And honestly the only difference between above sixteen and below sixteen was the saddle. Those under sixteen raced with a saddle, while those over had foot stapes attached to a harness wrapped where the saddle would sit on the dragons. Don’t worry, it wasn’t a hard shift when kid turned sixteen, they could start practicing with foot stapes at twelve, but racing rules changed at sixteen.

Techno had his reigns held tightly in his hands. Held perfectly so when his dragon pulled forward, he could lean back comfortably. So when he did turns he could shift is body weight easily from foot to foot. Techno’s hair had been braided and curled into a bun at the base of his skull, his roots where very brown as he hadn’t had the time to dye it back pink recently.

Unlike Techno, Puffy was leaned all the way forward. She held the reigns much closer to the bit and saw hunched over close to her dragon’s neck. She was concentrated and gave a little shout whenever she passed someone. Whether she was falling behind or pulling forward.

Dream was much the same as Techno, but his blond hair was cut pretty boy short. He held himself with confidence and seemed to be outwardly enjoying himself while staying super competitive.

Punz was leaned forwards as well. He pretty much stayed super competitive the whole time. He trades spots with the rest of them a few times. None of the four was ever clearly ahead.

In the end, the standing where: Techno, Puffy, Dream, Punz. The crowd blew up when they realized that Puffy got second, she was a fan favourite and it was always an event when either Dream or Techno were knocked down a placement. And neither where salty about it, so no one gave a shit. They gave cheers.

Then it was time to leave. There were only so many so many school busses and Ridiara Prep hadn’t managed to book the first wave, or the second, they were on the third wave of busses. So they had a lot of time to kill. And after the second wave of students left, the teachers let the kids run free.

Tommy had a plan. He was going to sneak into the dragon stalls and see the racers. Tubbo was all for this plan. Ranboo wasn’t.

But Ranboo did give in, in the end.

The three of them whispered to each other as they ran around and tried to find what they were looking for. And they did, Tubbo had found a map and they slipped past security. Of course once they were inside the dragon stables Ranboo warmed up to the idea.

“Can we go find Carl?”

“Carl? Technoblade’s dragon?” Tubbo asked. “Oh my god we could go find Technoblade’s dragon. Let’s go find him.”

“Come on!” Tommy bolted. “Let’s go find the red dragon.”

“Carl’s scarlet.”

“Fanboy much Ranboo.”

“Shut up Tommy.”

The three kids looked at every dragon they passed and named which racer they belonged to. They finally reached Carl’s stall.

Ranboo put his hand up for the dragon to sniff. Carl came closer and bonked Ranboo’s hand with his snout. Then Tubbo did the same. Tommy was keeping watch while the other two interacted with Technoblade’s dragon.

“Hey!” a voice called. “I don’t think you kids should be here.”

“Is that Dream?” Tubbo whispered.

“Yes,” Tommy whispered back. “Hey big man!” Tommy shouted to the third place winner. “I’m allowed to be here.”

“You are?” Dream humored him. “What about your friends? Are they allowed to be here?”

Tommy pointed to Tubbo, “He has plus one privileges, not sure about that guy though.”

Ranboo snorted. “Thanks man.”

Dream walked up behind them. “You kids should leave. Just go and I won’t call security. Also, Techno really doesn’t like people messing with his dragon.”

“It’s fine,” Tommy dismissed. “Carl loves me. Don’t you boy?”

Dream shot Tommy a strange look. Then there was thumbing from Carl’s stall, like he was waving his tail and there wasn’t enough space. Dream glanced at Carl. “Huh.”

“See?” Tommy in all his bravado put his hand through the bars on the door into the stall. Carl started rubbing his snout on Tommy’s palm. “We’re good man.”

“I will call security.”

“Do that.”

“Don’t do that.” Ranboo grabbed Tommy and started pulling him away. “We’ll be on our way. Sorry for breaking and entering.”

“Ranboo!” Tubbo scolded. “Don’t make it seem worse than it is. We didn’t break anything.”

“I believe you.”

“Good.”

“Tommy. Come on. We should really get back to the class.”

“Why? I’m just going home?”

“Yeah?” Tommy continued to shrug off Ranboo and play with Carl. “Who’s a good boy?”

Dream smiled softly at the exasperated and apologetic looks Tubbo and Ranboo were sending him. “I’m very sure that Technoblade doesn’t like when people mess with Carl.”

Tommy waved his free hand. “I’m not messing with him.”

“Messing with who?”

And that was went Tubbo and Ranboo froze. On the one hand; Technoblade, they were messing with his dragon and should apologize and dip. On the other hand; Technoblade, must fanboy.

Dream gestured to Tommy petting Carl with no regard for his safety.

“And?”

“And?” Dream gestured more expressively. “Kid petting your dragon?”

“And?”

“You don’t let me do that?”

Tommy turned around to stick his tongue out at Dream.

“You aren’t the kid?”

“But why can the kid? I let you interact with Spirit!”

“Carl’s not Spirit.”

“Obviously.”

“Techno can I ride with you home? I don’t want to take the bus.”

“Yeah sure,” Techno said without a first thought. “My dragon. I make the rules.”

“Did you just?”

Techno turned to the sound. “And you are?” he asked Tubbo.

“Uhm.”

“That’s Tubbo.”

“This is Tubbo?”

“Yeah. But of a bitch isn’t he?”

“No?”

“Other guy is Ranboo. My other friend.”

“Right.” Techno turned back to Tommy. “They coming over for dinner?”

“Can they? Will we all fit on Carl?”

“No. But I brought Andrew. He could probably fit all three of you. You’re all tiny.”

“Well Technoblade.” Tommy’s voice took on a bratty quality. “We’re only fourteen, that’s not super small Mr. nineteen.”

“Do you want to ride Andrew home or would you rather crawl back into the hole you came from and take the school bus on?” Techno deadpanned.

“Andrew.”

“Cool. Let’s go get him.” Techno kept walking down the corridor to Andrew’s stall a little further down.

“What just happened?” Ranboo asked, still processing a few sentences behind.

“Technoblade’s my older brother.”

“Wilbur’s your older brother,” Tubbo corrected.

“Wilbur has a twin.”

“Huh?”

“Come on. Let’s go. We get to ride Andrew home. I’ll drive, you two and just sit tight.” Tommy took both of his friends’ hands; he knew they wouldn’t be walking on their own for a few minutes more.

The racers were all tacking up their dragons for the return journey and the busses had yet to come for the third wave of school children. Tubbo and Ranboo settled themselves into Andrew’s saddle ina daze while Tommy strapped his feet in.

Dream was still following, pestering Techno about his little brother.

“Hey Toms. Do a few loops around the track while you wait for me.”

“Yessir!”

And they were off.

Tommy waved to the teacher before flying off into the skyways behind Techno. Just letting him know not to wait up for the three boys.

[scythian-andromache]

is it really a road-trip if you don't stop at a 7-Eleven?

A ‘The Old Guard’ gen fic that is a companion piece to this fic, but can be read solo

Also available on [AO3]

Summary:  In the middle of a road-trip, the Old Guard Immortals make a stop at a 7-Eleven. A lot of bickering ensues, but that's what happens when you take road-trips with your family.

***

It’s been two hours since they got into the shootout, which brings their Days Without An Incident count (previously at four) back to zero.  

That was on them, a stupid mistake that’s put something of a damper on their road-trip (end goal: Grand Canyon, but who knows if they’ll actually make it there before something goes horribly wrong). Since then, they’ve been driving steadily westward. It’s nearly two in the morning, but Andy is (still) driving, and the rest of them are in various states of dozing—or as much as one can doze when Andy’s driving.

“Fuck, we’re getting low on gas.” Andy says this out loud like it’s a surprise, like there isn’t a gauge on the dash with the sole purpose of keeping the driver apprised of the gas levels.  

“This is the last exit for thirty miles,” Joe says absently, eyes closed and feet propped up. They’re also, by all rights, past the acceptable merge point.

In response, Andy swerves across two full traffic lanes and cuts off the only other driver on the road to pull off the exit ramp, not bothering to stop at the stop sign and careening across the road and into the 7-Eleven’s parking lot.

Booker lets out several extremely creative swears in a mix of French and English. “Jesus, Andy, there are traffic laws; please follow at least one of them,” he groans.

“My headlights are on,” says Andy, like that settles it, and Booker swears again.

“If not for us, then for you! You’re not invulnerable anymore!”

Andy rolls her eyes. “My driving has never gotten a single one of us killed.”

Booker makes a face that clearly indicates he’s skeptical of that answer, but whatever he’s working up to is interrupted by a new voice in the conversation.

“Nile could take over for a little bit,” suggests Nicky, blearily clearing sleep from his eyes.

“Nile doesn’t even have a license right now,” Booker shoots back, exasperated.

“Nile doesn’t even have a birth certificate right now,” grumbles Nile from where she’s squished between them. “The only thing I’m legally classified as is a problem.” Quỳnh laughs from where she’s laying—apparently not asleep—in the very back, among their duffle bags. No seatbelt, but far more room than Nicky, Nile, and Booker have, all crammed in together on the bench seat not really meant for three.

Nicky, meanwhile, ignores Nile’s comment, looking directly at Booker as he asks combatively, “And whose fault is that?”

“Oh, come on,” says Booker. “I haven’t had time to forge a new identity for her!”

Nicky says something under his breath in Italian and Booker flings open the car door and stalks toward the bright beacon of the convenience store.

“I’m getting snacks, Joe,” says Nicky, and follows. Joe gets out and opens the hatch to check their supply of baklava—not that the 7-Eleven off I-40 is the spot to replenish it—and Andy exchanges a few words with Quỳnh, while Nile sighs and starts pumping gas. After a few moments, Andy and Joe head inside too.

“You don’t want anything?” asks Nile, peering into the car to check on Quỳnh.

“Joe will buy more snacks than he needs in case Nicky wants them, and then I will steal them from them both,” says Quỳnh, a mischievous smile on her face, and Nile can’t help but laugh. They had a rough start, her and Quỳnh, but they get along pretty well now.

“Fair enough,” Nile says, as she returns the pump to its hook.

“Maybe a pair of earplugs,” Quỳnh muses, as an afterthought. “To drown out their relentless bickering. The only thing I miss about the ocean is the peace and quiet,” she deadpans, and Nile almost chokes on her gallows humor.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Nile says, and pulls the car around before heading inside herself.

They’re all still bickering when she gets inside—of course they are. Immortals, with more years between them than the populations of whole towns, and they’re still children. She heaves a long-suffering sigh—it’s self-care, okay?—and says, “We’re all gassed up and ready. Everyone got their snacks?”

“Not quite,” says Joe, and then tells Booker—in English, this time—to let him drive. Damn, they’re still on that?

Nile lets them be, looking around a little for some earplugs for Quỳnh, until she hears their voices raise, and Booker practically yells, “—and we got stuck behind Soviet borders for a MONTH.”

Shit. She glances over at the cashier, who looks entirely too interested in this particular conversation. For all their talk of laying low, they can be pretty bad at it, sometimes. Sighing again, she sashays over to the counter, throws on her most charming smile and says, in an effort to disrupt whatever train of thought is mentally calculating how they could possibly have been detained behind Soviet borders, “Hi! I was wondering if you had any earplugs?”

They do not have earplugs, and she tries to keep him distracted, but it backfires a little, because she’s forgotten she’s still wearing the same clothes from the shoot up—they all are—and the cashier (Andrew, his name-tag says) has noticed.

“Costume party,” she says, a lame excuse, but the best she’s got, and she’s about to talk about how their theater friend does really extravagant murder-mystery parties when the rest of them decide they’re done bickering, and drop all their shit on the counter.

Andy gives the cashier the iciest look Nile’s seen from her in at least three days, and the poor kid hops to, ringing in enough candy to send their bodies pre-diabetes until they reboot again.

Joe, Nicky, and Andy all head out, leaving her and Booker to finish up the transaction, and then Booker—that absolute dipshit—drops a hundred euro note on the counter instead of USD.

“Idiot,” Nile hisses in French, elbowing him and fishing money out of her out wallet. She pockets the euro note (serves him right) and grabs their bags.

“Keep the change,” she says to the cashier, and uses her free hand to pinch Booker’s arm hard (“Ow!”) and steer him out of the shop. They slide into the back seat of the waiting car (Andy, unfortunately, is still driving), and it skids off before the door is even fully closed.

“Y’all need to work on your subtlety,” says Nile, glancing back at the gas station, where the cashier is standing in the door, staring after them. “Or at least have your arguments in French. That kid was listening to everything.”

Andy waves a hand dismissively—unfortunately, it also happens to be the hand that was holding the wheel and the car swerves—and says, “We’ll send a text to Copley. He can wipe the footage. What’s one more convenience store after a bloodbath?”

“Yeah? You also gonna wipe that kid’s brain?”

“We’re in the middle of nowhere, and he’s a nobody,” says Booker.

“I was a nobody,” hisses Nile. “You can’t just…discount people like that. That kid could become the next Kozak or the next Copley, or someone just like them could see him as collateral damage when they try to find us.”

“You are right, Nile.” It’s Nicky who says it. “It is easy to let people blur together, to believe them inconsequential, but it’s a poor mentality to have. We will be more careful.”

“That’s all I ask,” says Nile, softly. The car lapses into silence for a few moments until Joe asks for his Twizzlers, and all of a sudden there’s bickering over who bought what snacks.

Quỳnh somehow ends up with a pair of Twinkies and the Flaming Hot Cheetos, and just gives Nile a little wink over the back of the seat when Nicky says, “Booker, did you steal some of my Twinkies?”

Booker makes an indignant noise in the back of his throat, flashes his bar of chocolate, and says, “You couldn’t pay me to eat that garbage!”

Nile laughs into her iced tea, and then looks up and accidentally makes eye contact with Andy in the rear-view mirror. She’s got an amused smile playing around her mouth, everything in her expression telegraphing her fondness, and also her exhaustion.

“Let me drive for a while,” Nile says, over the argument happening between Booker and Nicky (“Don’t call them garbage, a Twinkie is just a petite madelaine with a little cream in it.” / “How dare you even utter Twinkie and petite madelaine in the same breath!”)

“You don’t have a license,” says Andy, although it’s a weaker protest than it had been before they stopped at the gas station.  

“Oh, come on. Like that’s gonna make a difference. Like you’re really gonna show a license to the police if they pull you over for a traffic violation.”

“I—”

“You need sleep, Andy. Pull the fuck over.”

To the astonishment of the whole car, Andy does. Well, except for—

“Ha!” whoops Nicky gleefully, leaning around Nile to get a better look at Booker. “Pay up!”

“Nile stole my euros,” says Booker grumpily.

“No. Uh-uh. Don’t make this about me,” says Nile, as everyone shifts around to accommodate the change in drivers. “I know you have more. And besides, I spent $100 at the store.”

“You were the one that told him to keep the change, and besides, a hundred euros is ten dollars more than a hundred dollars.”

“It was $87 and I was just trying to get us the fuck out of there. And consider it a dumbass tax, for trying to give him euros in the first place,” says Nile, and the car erupts in cackles.

“Everyone good?” She checks the rear-view mirror as she pulls back onto the highway: Andy has climbed into the very back to stretch out (snuggle) with Quỳnh; Joe and Nicky are shifting around in the back seat; and Booker is sitting shotgun next to her.

“I’m not,” complains Nicky. “Booker still hasn’t paid me.”

Booker says something under his breath, but digs his wallet out of his pocket and fishes a fifty euro note out, passing it back to Nicky.

“Grazie,” he says, waving the note to Joe like it’s a trophy.

Booker huffs. “Prego, è stato un piacere, va’ all’inferno!”

“No, I don’t think I will,” says Nicky pleasantly. “I have a papal indulgence.”

That draws raucous laughter from both Joe and Quỳnh, and for all that he puts on the air of being grumpy, Nile sees Booker’s smirk from the corner of her eye.

They all settle down pretty quickly after that; it has been a long day, after all. They’re the only car on the road, and the miles disappear into the inky black night quickly as they fly down I-40. The next time Nile glances into her rear-view mirror, she sees that Andy and Quỳnh have tucked themselves into each other, and Joe is leaning into Nicky, arms half around him as they doze together.  

Only Booker, slouched in the seat next to her, remains awake. “You can go to sleep, Book,” she says, easy.

“Nah,” he says, “someone must stay awake with the driver.”

She doesn’t take his statement at face value, but she doesn’t challenge him on it either. “Well,” she says lightly, “then you’re the DJ. Find us something good.”

Booker leans forward and turns the radio on low. The opening strains of a Depeche Mode song drift from the speakers, and Booker hisses. “English bastards with a French name,” he says, but tellingly doesn’t change the channel. He must secretly like this song.

As the song fades out and the opening chords of another song thrum, Nile looks over to find that Booker, too, has drifted off, but Nile finds she doesn’t mind. She’s surrounded by her ridiculous family, finally taking a break, and she’s got this. She turns her attention back to the highway, focusing on the thrum of the engine and the soft strains of the music and the peacefulness of an empty road, as they move ever closer to their next adventure.

***

fin.

***

~Twizzlers are halal! ~grazie = thanks ~Prego, è stato un piacere, va’ all’inferno! = (roughly; I am not a native speaker) “yeah, you’re welcome, my pleasure, now go to hell” (PS: Italian has all kinds of fun, creative, extremely dirty swears. Soooo even though Booker technically says "go to hell", it's fairly mild. Nicky's still salty at Booker but not salty enough to take it seriously.) ~There really was a papal edict offering indulgences to those partaking in the crusades. Nicky 100% exploits this.

***   

[grciet]

omg babe obsessed with your name asks ive literally read every single one. if you’re still doing them can u do julia 💖💖 xoxoxo

Aww thats so sweet I love that you love them angel <33

Okay so you live in the city (fellow new yorker duh <3) but you moved for Uni. Typically people who move to new york after their 20's are insufferable but you are a rare exception. You are actually really fun to be around but people can never tell if your joking or not, because your humor is so deadpan. You have a closet full of Chanel ski wear because you used to live in Aspen, and now to make use of all the apres ski looks you go for ski trips weekly with your australian boyfriend. He loves you a lot but he doesn't know that he's just a phase for you. Weeks later you break up with him on a ski lift. You wear lys 41 and sparkly blue eyeshadow on tuesday mornings and only you can get away with it because it looks SO good on you. Most Tuesday mornings you have to haul ass to the laundromat tho, because duh you live in New York. The only upside is that on the way there you get to walk past Andrew Kumbles apartment and you guys flirt back and forth for a bit. (andrew kumble is like this notorious fboy in ny) . You wear Chanel mascara and somehow can get away with it because your eyelashes are just built different. Eventually you plan on working at Vogue and going to the met gala with timothee chalamet. (which you def will!)

luv ya

[itsstickball]

neil and aaron friendship only no one can tell if they’re bantering or actually still hate each other because it sounds the same? do they know if they’re friends or not? only andrew knows and he’ll never be bothered to tell

So the thing is, Aaron and Neil are actually fairly similar. Like Neil’s for sure got Aaron beat on the amount of fucked up shit he’s had to go through, but if you remove the mob, you’re left with two pretty similar dudes.

Both of them are assholes. Like Aaron is nice to Katelyn and Neil is….whatever, to Andrew and he’s learning to be soft with the upperclassmen, but otherwise?

I fully subscribe to the theory that someone took  video of the Great Riko Roast and of Neil punching Riko and that Aaron was the first to find them (and then watch them ten times before he shared them with the others).

They have no chill, is what I’m saying.

So once they’ve grown a tad (like, the smallest amount), they realize that they don’t actually hate each other? Like, they were essentially fighting over their places in Andrew’s life, lbr, but now they don’t have to and neil’s not hiding mob secrets anymore. They can co-exist and respect each other and it’s great.

And approximately .00001 things change in their relationship.

The most common phrases exchanged between them are “Fuck off” and “Fuck you” (to which Neil occasionally replies “no thanks, I’m demisexual, not minyard-sexual”)

They throw things at each other like…you need a pen? Think fast. Box of cereal? Catch! A raw egg that you didn’t even ask for? Hope it doesn’t hit the ground or both of them will have to endure Kevin’s rant about cleanliness. An entire dufflebag of Exy gear? Good luck!

And if it hits the other person in the face, or they have to drop other things in order to catch it? Even better.

Naturally, they insult each other constantly. Aaron’s favorite target is Neil’s disaster fashion sense. Like, unless Andrew dresses him – which is pretty distinctive, Aaron just rips into him.

“New shirt?” “Yeah.” “Did it come with a free bowl of soup?” “Fuck you.”

If one of them is trying to study or whatever and the other is being loud/annoying (playing video games, watching too many exy games, whatever), they don’t even bother getting up to tell the other person off, just yell at them through the walls.

They absolutely use deadpan/fatalistic humor with each other.

“If I hear one more mention of ligaments, I will jump out this window.” “God, I can only hope.”

“If I don’t show up to practice, you’ll probably find my body rotting in the languages building. My Spanish professor is trying to kill us all via strange verb conjugations.” “As if we’d ever be so lucky.”

“then perish”

Anyway…it makes sense that no one really knows what’s going on. It’s the center of a rather large bet – which Andrew doesn’t participate in or give any clue to because it amuses him.

Of course, the only way Andrew really knows is because he talks to them individually. Aaron goes to therapy with Bee on Wednesdays all of their third year until they finally feel like they’re in a good place and Neil is…well, Neil. He and Andrew don’t even try to hide things from each other.

Kevin is probably the closest to figuring them out, just due to all of the forced proximity. But he’s also shit at picking up on normal social cues, so he’ll think he has them figured out and then he watches them interact and is just like “???? What the fuck??” 

(Or Neil is throwing an egg at Aaron, who fails to catch it, and Kevin is then distracted by the need to yell at them)

Regardless, the bet isn’t settled until Aaron and Katelyn get married and Neil is somehow standing up front as a groomsman (thankfully with one of Aaron’s med-school friends providing a buffer between him and Nicky’s tears). Nobody understands still, but Robin makes a shitton of money.

Neil then proceeds to roast Aaron in front of 150 of his closest friends and family bc Andrew didn’t want to do the best-man speech.

[aion-rsa]

Thunder Force: Why Jason Bateman Steals the Movie as The Crab

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

Most of the humor in the Melissa McCarthy–Octavia Spencer superhero comedy, Thunder Force, doesn’t really work. The film has nothing funny or interesting to say about superheroes, as concepts or movie franchises, and it relies way too heavily on messy montages that weirdly double down on comedic bits that didn’t work the first time. There are more laughs to be found in Zack Snyder’s Justice League. (Relax, I like ZSJL.)

That said, Thunder Force features one thing that myself and the internet simply cannot get enough of: Jason Bateman as mid-level crime boss Jerry the Crab, a dude with crab claws for hands. It’s exactly as goofy as it sounds. At one point, Bateman describes his Zodiac sign as being “you’d think Cancer,” then snaps his claws twice, before revealing that he’s actually a Capricorn. The scene then devolves into a not-particularly funny dream/dance sequence, but it doesn’t matter because I was still laughing at Bateman’s big meaty claws.

Just as any sane person would be

McCarthy’s character Lydia is attracted to Jerry, pinchers be damned. She swoons at his provocative one-liners. She fantasizes about licking his orange propodus (crab anatomy, folks). She falls for the flippant way he dismisses the murderous streak of his colleague in crime Laser (Pom Klementieff).

Out to dinner, The Crab fills Lydia in on his backstory; while on his honeymoon in Bermuda, he was bit in the genitals while skinny dipping over a radioactive coral reef. The scent of Old Bay causes Lydia to lose herself in the moment, and eventually she’s buttering his knuckle. Yep, it’s pretty erotic. Bateman and McCarthy have worked together before, and their chemistry is an undeniable highlight of an otherwise forgettable Netflix original.

Besides getting “low country boiled” to tune of the Isley Brothers’ “Voyage to Atlantis,” Jerry works for “The King,” played by Bobby Cannavale. Cannavale is a natural working as the heavy, trying to become the mayor of Chicago by any means necessary, but Bateman steals every scene as his loyal half-crab capo. Bateman is his typical wry, faux-cheerful self, imbuing him with plenty of Michael Bluth-energy. He gently reminds The King that he can’t just off all of his best henchman when he’s in a bad mood. Eventually Jerry pushes his luck a little too much with The King and finds himself declawed. At least things end happily, with Lydia and Jerry together and his claws growing back.

The character already has Twitter fan-cams, lengthy appreciation posts (and now a second, wow), and Letterboxd raves. Maybe after so much time spent working on the dramatic and dimly lit Ozark and the Netflix seasons of Arrested Development that we’d rather not remember exist, we have all collectively forgotten how goofy and great Bateman can be. Remember his endlessly quotable Dodgeball scenes? The way he makes the deadpan sarcasm and frustrated flailing in Horrible Bosses and Game Night just sing? If Paul Rudd weren’t busy being everyone’s favorite ageless comedic actor, that gap would be filled by Bateman. Bless him and his big, bulbous crab hands.

While this is only Bateman and McCarthy’s second movie together, the film also marks the fifth collaboration between McCarthy and her husband Ben Faclone as the writer and director. Like their past efforts, McCarthy and Falcone sure seem to be having a blast goofing around and making each other laugh; they simply struggle in making it funny for the rest of us. When they do happen to stumble upon a good bit, like the one involving the henchman Andrew “Andy” in Thunder Force, they run it into the ground.

After her breakout role in Bridesmaids, McCarthy has struggled to recapture the wild energy and physical comedy mastery that she brought to Kristen Wiig’s 2011 hit (her success in dramatic fare like Can You Ever Forgive Me? not withstanding). We know she’s got the goods; remember her time on SNL as Sean Spicer? It’s the only reason anyone should remember Sean Spicer.

Maybe she just needs to strap on some crustacean-like appendages and things will start cooking for her again.

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The post Thunder Force: Why Jason Bateman Steals the Movie as The Crab appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3sfwdo3

[aliaoren]

birthday bash || all

Date: November 19, 2017 Location: The Stonefruit Inn, Bar & Lounge Summary: Grace and Alia throw a joint birthday party and invite the whole town.

@gracevilliers, @ianncardero, @ashcaplan, @itsmayaparker, @xxtuaharjunaxx, @scarlettxruby, @faye-andrews, @fanesavin, @freddiewatts, @ephrampettaline, @river-phillips

People were arriving, milling about in the lounge/bar of the Stonefruit. Iann knew most of them of course, and was happy to greet them while Freddie did bartending duties. Everything was pretty much arranged; Grace and Alia were remarkably undemanding clients, over all. So their first major event had, so far, gone off without a hitch. He gravitated towards Tuah, nudging his old man. "Look how good you look. I know I already told you that, but I figure I'll tell you again." Iann kissed Tuah's high cheekbone. What'd you think of my attic hm? Cozy, right? You should stay the night with me."

"I just might," Tuah let his lips curled into a small smirk on his lips. "Perhaps we can retire to your attic once the party is over, hm?" He wrapped his arm around Iann's waist and pulled him closer, giving the man a playful kiss on the lips. "You look rather ravishing tonight. Well, more so than usual."

"Good it's settled," Iann said, snickering at the idea of being 'ravishing'. Only Tuah would think a thing like that, and Iann loved it. He looked around for the birthday gals, pitching an eyebrow. "Alia and Grace better not have ditched their own party to do some retiring of their own already...those two rabbits. Still in the honeymoon phase," Iann jibed, then looked at Tuah. "Are we still in the honeymoon phase thing?"

"I don't know, I'm always going to be wanting to have you. Does that count as a honeymoon phase?" Tuah asked, his smirk still painted on his lips. Tuah let his eyes roamed across the room, searching for the two celebrated birthday girls. "I think I can see Grace approaching, so they haven't left yet." He then looked at Iann, "You remember to order the cake, yes?"

Grace was used to being the center of attention and used to having extravagant parties. What she wasn't used to was actually being friends with the people who were there. Making her rounds of hellos, she spotted Iann and his partner. "I hope I'm not interrupting too much," she said with a knowing grin. She knew those looks. She and Alia looked at one another like that all the time. Grace leaned in to give each of them a half hug and a kiss on the cheek. "I hope there won't be any unwelcome guests tonight, hm?"

"I'm one-hundred percent almost sure this is Tuah and not a doppleganger," Iann grinned at Tuah, then made the slightly surprised 'oh' noise again when he got a kiss from Grace. He was going to have to get used to that sort of greeting with her, Iann supposed. Not that he minded; her hair smelled good. "Tuah was just being a worrywart and making sure if I remembered the cake. And of course I did, honey. You and Alia can let me know when you're ready for it; or if you're too busy having fun, then I've timed it for about two hours into the party. Unless the party's flagging in which case I'll haul it out earlier." Iann had no idea how long parties were supposed to run; he figured as long as everyone was still having fun, then it was fair game. "Oh! The party and free shit is your gifts, of course. So Happy Birthday, Gracie. Alia said you're...what? Turning 142 or something? You don't look a day over 100."

Grace chuckled, rolling her eyes. She was used to Iann and his humor by now. "A hundred and sixty four. But it's all the same after a while."

Alia loved a reason to celebrate - and her birthday was as good as any. Though she was used to going out to a bar with a small group of close friends, and not this large party at the Stonefruit Inn. Not that she was complaining; she enjoyed mixing and mingling, and it was made better by the fact that she knew most of the people here. She was trying to give tips to Freddie, who was behind the bar, but he was now shooing her off - actually, both he [i]and[/i] Ollie were shooing her off, and pouting slightly, she turned to find better entertainment elsewhere. It didn’t take long for her eyes to alight on Iann and Tuah, and Grace who was conversing with them. “Hello,” she beamed at the three of them, pulling Iann and Tuah into separate hugs before leaning in to press a kiss to Grace’s cheek - even if it hadn’t been more than an hour since she’d last spoken to her girlfriend. “What are you three gossiping about?”

"And I'm one hundred percent Iann isn't a doppelganger either," Tuah chimed in, receiving the kiss and hug from Grace. "Happy birthday to both you and Miss Oren," he said once he pulled away slightly, looking at both of them with a smile. "Iann was saying that how stunning your partner is looking tonight, which I agree wholeheartedly. And so are you, Miss Oren." He returned the other's hug with his own, beaming at the naga.

"Oh shit, yeah! You both look great. Goddamn I love a woman in a suit," Iann said, taking a step back to admire Alia's sleekness. "I keep telling the old man here to put on a tulle gown, but he insists he doesn't have the shoulders to pull it off." Iann pats Tuah's shoulders. "So beefy."

Grace melted comfortably into Alia's arms as she arrived, enjoying the fact her girlfriend was so tall that she could scoop her up in her arms easily if given the chance. Grace squeezed Alia's hand, draping her arm around her shoulder and placing her own arm around Alia's back. "She always looks lovely," she grinned, planting a kiss on Alia's jawline. She gave Tuah a long look, cocking her head. "I would say he has excellent shoulders."

Alia grinned at both Iann and Tuah, pleased at the compliment as she snaked her arm around Grace’s waist, allowing her girlfriend’s own complimentary words to wash over her. “Thank you. You both clean up quite well yourselves,” she told them, reaching forward to tug at Iann’s collar playfully. “What is a tulle gown?”

Tuah rolled his eyes at Iann's comment, and a slight chuckle escaped his lips at Grace's. "Yes, well. I'm hardly built to wear delicate things, I think. I'll most probably tear the dress in pieces." Tuah then directed his attention towards Alia's question, though his eyes was distracted at the playful tugging at Iann's collar. "Ah, to be honest, I have no idea. I'm not very well versed in these sort of things, really. A dress that shows off your shoulders, perhaps?"

"It's like one of those gowns that have all that big fluffy shit underneath the cloth, you know. Puffs it up, like a quinceañera - ahhhh, like a princess dress?" Iann motioned with his hands, puffing around his own hips to try and emulate tulle. He grinned at Tuah though, tugging Tuah's waist. "He's got excellent everything." Because Iann really did like showing Tuah off to everyone, even if Tuah did his best to be very modest about it, try not to draw attention to himself, etc. "Oh - I've made sure no one sings that birthday song. I mean, unless you all want people to sing you the birthday song."

Grace rolled her eyes with a laugh. She supposed these ridiculous men were her social circle now. "Tulle is the fabric. It's netting. And I'm still convinced most people wouldn't mind seeing Tuah's shoulders, torn fabric or not."

"Right?! Gracie, you feel me." Iann motioned at one of the servers, to bring over drinks - blood-cocktails for the vampires, and something special for the naga as well. "I concocted a special drink for you, Alia. It's got a kick of jackalope blood in it - you know what those are? They're mythical - bunny rabbits with antlers. I think you'll like it..." The drinks came around and Iann sorted it out for them. "The vamps get O-negative werewolf blood in their drink. And I'm having a bloody mary, ah ha!"

"But that would ruin the dress," Tuah tried to argue, unable to see why would he want to waste a perfectly good looking gown just to show off his everything, as Iann so eloquently put it. "Besides, I think both of you would be rather suited for such thing than myself, no?" Tuah took the offered drink. "Shall we make a toast before we drink?"

Alia shrugged. “It is okay. If Grace were to loan you a gown for the good of the people, I am sure she has plenty more.” She frowned slightly, glancing at her girlfriend. “Right?” And when drinks were brought over, she regarded hers curiously. “Jackalope?” she repeated. “I have not heard of it, but I cannot wait to try it. Let’s toast to… birthdays and no doppelgängers!”

"You could argue they're all Bloody Marys, Grace gave a shrug, her voice deadpan, although her humour was evident to anyone who knew her. "You managed to get Jackalope blood? That's very impressive." Grace took the drink with a little grin, still settled into Alia's arms contently. "I'm not toasting to any doppelgangers."

Iann's eyes gleamed suddenly as he tapped his glass, and he looked over at Alia for a moment. "Yeah, there was a whole swarm of jackalopes out at the springs...incredible..." Iann replied absently, then blinked at Tuah and Grace, his grin wide and winning. "You know there's...ah..." Iann took a gulp of his bloody mary. "There's that old birthday tradition that the birthday person in question gets a big ol' kiss from their well-wishers. You know - to wish them well for the next year to come and all that corny jazz. But on the other hand, what if it's not corny jazz? I'm a superstitious kind of guy, after all..."

Tuah "I've not heard of such tradition," Tuah narrowed his eyes at his kasih, his drink untouched in his hand. 'What are you trying to play here, kasih,' he wanted to ask, but dared not so not to cause any trouble with Grace.

Grace raised an eyebrow, positioning herself so she was in front of Alia with her arms draped around her shoulders. She took another sip of her drink and eyed Iann with a penetrating gaze. "If you're trying to kiss my girlfriend again, the next thing I drink will be you."

Iann boggled. "Again! I've never kissed her, or you for that matter, Grace. That scummy doppleganger and his wretched moustache did. And I'll bet he - it - wasn't even that good," Iann harrumphed, lifting his nose to emulate a pettish snootiness.

It seemed that everyone was quite familiar with jackalopes and their blood, and it only made Alia all the more eager to try it. “We are not toasting to the doppelgängers,” she told Grace with a sly grin, “we are toasting to the lack thereof.” At Iann’s mention of the birthday tradition, she raised both brows. “I have not heard of that.” To Grace, she added, “It is all right, Iann only wants to prove that his moustache is ten times better than the doppelganger’s.” She paused, raising her glass. “I do wish to thank you for this jackalope drink, Iann.” She leaned forward, slipping out of Grace’s embrace, and pressed a kiss to the very corner of Iann’s mouth before pulling back and doing the same to Tuah. To Tuah, Alia said, “Thank you for coming to the party.”

Grace snickered. "If I didn't know any better I might be starting to get the impression that Iann was some sort of wanna-be Lothario." She was trying to keep her sense of humor about this. Alia didn't seem to mind, after all. She loosened up as Alia let go of her, taking another swig of her drink before giving both Grace and Tuah a small peck on the lips. "Anything more and you couldn't handle it," she joked.

Alia tried to catch Iann’s eye as Grace planted a quick kiss on Tuah’s lips - as though to say I told you so! She took a sip of her drink, humming thoughtfully as the taste of the alcohol hit her first, slowly giving way to the richer tones of the jackalope blood underneath. “This is very nice, Iann. Do you have any left? I might want to purchase some for the The Fainting Goat…”

Grace gave her girlfriend a look, extending a hand to lightly touch her shoulder. "You know, darling, we've never gone hunting together before. It might be fun."

Tuah accepted the kiss from Grace. "I believe the so-called tradition said that the celebrated receives a kiss from the well-wishers, not the other way around. But I think this will suffice, no?" Tuah arched his brow at Iann, wondering how far his kasih was willing to push this shenanigans forward

Iann gave a melodramatic sigh, as if from Alia's kiss it was a signal that that was as far as it would go. "'Wanna-be' being the keyword there, Gracie," Iann said with a snort, accepting the delivered peck-kisses with a passivity. He smiled when Alia enjoyed the taste. "I can go get more, there are tonnes of them now out in the Newes..." But then Grace mentioned hunting -together! - and Iann's eyes lit up. "Hunting? For jackalopes?" Likely to Tuah's relief, Iann's interest had shifted quickly away from any possibility of further kisses, and towards the idea he had of Grace racing through the forest, Alia slithering along at her side. How cool would that be.

Maya had heard about the party from someone. They had said that the whole town was welcome and she was never one to turn down a party. She dressed in the best clothes she had. As she walked in though she couldn't help but notice how underdressed she was. She moved through the party quietly, going first to the bar to get a drink.

Alia had never considered going hunting with Grace - which was silly, considering how good her girlfriend was at it. Of course, Grace had previously used to hunt supernatural creatures… “Let’s go,” she told Grace, taking another sip of her drink and finishing the last of it. “I would like to see an expert at work. And I am sure Iann would too. —I am going to get us another round. Would anyone like something else?”

"I would love to," Iann gushed, gleeful that Alia was trying to include him. But he held himself back and (tried to) politely add, "Whenever you're ready to take on a third wheel. I think Tuah's hunting days are over." Iann pat Tuah's chest and shook his head when Alia asked if he needed a fresh drink.

Tuah seemed a little uncomfortable with the talk of hunting, preferring to keep this hunting business far behind him, and only when necessary. He was about to excuse himself from such activity, but the look on Iann's face made him second-guessing a little. "Well, I'll come with you if you allow us to go along, even if it's just to keep Iann from doing anything far too dangerous." He gave them a smile before shaking his head at the offer of another drink. "I prefer to observe than to actually hunt these creatures."

Alia excused herself and headed over to the bar, her mind still mulling over hunting with Grace (and Iann and Tuah—what fun it would be, to have them all along!). It was then she recognized, out of the corner of her eye, the woman who had come to The Fainting Goat the other day—“Maya?” she called out, cocking her head to the side.

Maya looked up surprised at the sound of her name. After a moment she recognized the bartender from The Fainting Goat who had helped her get a shift at a bakery. She smiled, "In the flesh. And Happy Birthday, this is quite the party."

Iann As Grace stepped away to greet some other guests (Iann realized he was boggarting the birthday ladies, after all) he watched the pair leave and then looked at Tuah. "I like having an observation buddy," he said, reaching up to hold Tuah's chin, look in the vampire's eyes. "As if I know how to hunt. I just want to watch them hunt, hm?" Did Tuah know that Grace was a Hunter once upon a time? Likely not. And it wasn't something Iann was going to mention to his fella right now. Instead he grinned mischievously. "You know if you did kiss Grace or Alia, it would be pretty hot. I'm just saying. Watching you kiss someone else would be...boy oh boy oh boy."

Grace continuied chatting to Iann and Tuah while Alia went to the bar. "I don't do much hunting any more either. I'm pampered. I get my blood from the bottle or from donors, but if there really are that many Jackalopes out there at the Springs, it might make a nice little trip.

Alia smiled at Maya. “Thank you for coming. I am not used to such… elaborate parties, if I am to be honest.” She laughed. “What are you having?”

Maya laughed. "Yeah, clearly neither am I," she replied in a self deprecating tone, referring to her outfit. It would bother her less the more everyone else had to drink. "Oh just rum and coke," she said, "Although if they made you like signature cocktails or something I'd be happy to switch to that."

Tuah arched his brow at the other's words. "You want to watch me make out with them? That's the term young people used these days, yes?" Tuah had done a little bit of research about Grace in his spare time, but he didn't feel the need to share with anyone about what he knew since he didn't see the point of it all. Besides, Iann did mention Grace had cut her ties with her hunter family, so he figured he shouldn't be too wary of her. Not to mention she's a surprisingly good company, too. “Well, I never pegged you to be a voyeur, Mr. Cardero.” Which was untrue, seeing that he did perform sybaritism for his kasih awhile back, when Iann was travelling overseas with Freddie. "If it's alright with you, Miss Villiers, then perhaps we can set up another double date for this? I'll make sure there will be no doppelganger this time."

Alia raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about? You look right at home.” She was a firm believer in the simple drinks - they were a classic for a reason, after all, and it was usually because you couldn’t go wrong with them. “Well, there is this drink with jackalope blood, but I do not think that would be to your tastes.” And when the bartender asked for her order, she ordered the drink that Iann had prepared for her. “So, when do you start at the bakery?”

Grace gave a nod, having completely missed the part about Tuah kissing her while she was away greeting the other guests. "That would be wonderful. Iann has my number." She looked around for Alia, finding her at the bar with someone she didn't know. "I should go and check on those drinks. Thank you again." She extended a hand to lightly rub Iann's shoulder then went to find Alia and Maya. "Hi. I don't believe we met. I'm Grace, Alia's partner."

Iann grinned at Tuah. "Tuah Arjuna, making out," he lightly teased, highly amused by the idea of blending someone so old fashioned with something so 1960's teenagers. He wasn't sure what Tuah suggested as a second double-date, but Iann would agree to anything at this point. He loved Tuah, he adored Alia and he was strangely fond of Grace Villiers. Iann nodde,d wathcing Grace move off to delicately place herself (verbally or otherwise) between Maya and Alia. "She's really possessive, isn't she? Or...over-protective? How would you describe it?"

Maya laughed, but didn't say anything. If one of the hosts didn't mind how she was dressed it would be alright. She had to agree with Alia's assessment that a drink with jackalope blood wasn't her style. The fact it was so normal to mention made her feel light. Despite her money problems Maya felt light these days. It had to be the weight of living in secret lifted off her shoulders. "Next week hopefully," she replied. When a blonde woman approached and introduced herself Maya turned and replied, "Hi, I'm Maya. Nice to meet you and this is an awesome shindig. Happy Birthday."

Grace smiled, ordering another drink from the bartender. "I can't take the credit. Mostly it was Iann who did the planning. He said it was his gift to us. He's very sweet." She ran a hand over Alia's forearm before gently taking her hand. "It's not officially my birthday until tomorrow, but thank you. These things are always better at the weekend." She stiffened instinctively as she caught the scene of someone's perfume. Ruby. Unless someone else happened to wear her brand. Grace would remember that smell anywhere. She had woken up with it clinging to her skin and to her pillows.

Tuah looked over where Grace was, watching interestedly as she planted herself between Alia and the newcomer. Maya, he believed her name was. "I think she's only overly possessive of Miss Oren whenever you're around, kasih. You are very friendly with her." Tuah looked at Iann with a slight smirk on his lips. "I would be too. In fact I am quite possessive of you whenever you decide to be overly friendly with just about anyone." He slithered his arm around Iann's waist and pulled him close. "I know you can't help it, but do try to behave, hm." He grazed his teeth against Iann's earlobe, couldn't help himself from having a taste of his kasih despite the fact that they were in the middle of a large crowd. "Now why don't we say hi to everybody else, hm."

Iann "Me! What'd I do. Nothing, I'm totally innocent," Iann laughed, knowing he was being wicked but he couldn't help it. He was stupidly delighted whenever Tuah reacted, finding it both endearing and exciting. "I'm /pretty/ sure Grace's last relationship was like...a century ago," Iann said airily. "Whereas you've been a player all you life. Go on then - " Iann nudged Tuah towards the other guests with a smack of his knuckles on Tuah's ass. "Go mingle. I'll join you in a sec, just have to go be party host dude for a second."

Alia smiled as Grace introduced herself, leaning into the other woman. “Maya is a baker,” she told Grace. And then to Maya, she added, “I will have to come by when you officially start. Perhaps we should have asked you to bake us a birthday cake!” She noticed the subtle shift in Grace’s demeanour, the way she stiffened against her, but didn’t think much of it as she reached over for the new drink Freddie was handing her.

Grace nodded, intrigued. "Well, maybe next year you can bake it for us. Iann took care of it this time, and he assured me he did actually remember."

"I am no such thing," Tuah pulled his lips into a pout at the accusation, though he didn't deny it per se. After planting a kiss on Iann's lips he made his way around the crowd, greeting those he knew before his eyes noticed Ruby among the crowd. "Ruby!" he greeted the other, a beaming smile on his lips as he hugged her.

"Well I don't have my own kitchen at the moment, so you probably would've gotten a very adventurous microwave cake, very avant garde," Maya replied with a smile. She noticed too the subtle shift in the other woman and had to worry for a moment it was about how she was dressed. But no one said anything so she just took another sip of her drink.

Grace was trying not to come across as rude. It wasn't Maya's fault the woman she had slept with during her fight with alia had just entered the room. "Well, maybe next year. I plan on holding onto this one for a very long time," Grace said with a smile, kissing Alia's cheek. "Is that Ruby over there?" she ventured, glancing across the room. "Do you know her, darling?"

Ruby almost hadn't come. But the text from Alia, asking her to come out and celebrate her birthday (and Grace's... odd, but not something Ruby worried over too much) was something Ruby couldn't turn down. She liked Alia. And she couldn't stay at home just because of whoever else might be at the Inn. So she'd gotten dressed in something nice and taken a cab to Stonefruit, letting the man at the door take her coat and purse. It was a beautiful place, but Ruby had little time to take it all in before a familiar voice called her name. "Tuah," she smiled, turning to greet her friend as he came up to her. "How are you?"

Alia grinned at the thought of a microwave cake. “That sounds like an adventure for another day. You could even start a new business selling microwave cakes.” She smiled at Grace’s remark, and at the mention of Ruby, brightened. “Of course I know Ruby! I invited her. Have you met Ruby, Maya?”

Maya just smiled and nodded. It all seemed a long way off to her at the moment. She wasn't entirely sure what she would be doing next week let alone next year. And starting a buisness seemed entirely out of her reach. She had noticed the subtle shift in Grace, but couldn't venture so much as a guess to its cause. "No, I haven't," she replied.

"I'm good. How about yourself, my dear?" Tuah took a good look at his friend, resting both his hands on Ruby's shoulders. "I'm glad you could make it. Perhaps the good atmosphere will do you good, hm?" He gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze. "Come, let's meet the ones we're celebrating. You've met Miss Oren and Miss Villiers before, I assume?" He wrapped her arm around her shoulder, keeping her close as he directed her towards where the birthday girls were.

"I'm alright," Ruby said, and meant it. "And I'm glad to be here." She was, and wrapped her arm around Tuah's waist as he led her towards the two women she /had/ met before. Separetely, of course. "I have," Ruby said as they approached. Though she had no idea the two were - or ever had been - involved. "Happy Birthday, Alia," she greeted as her friend came into view. "Happy Birthday, Grace." Ruby gave them both a warm smile, still under the circle of Tuah's arm.

Alia turned to Tuah and Ruby as they approached, moving forward to give Ruby a hug. “Ruby! Thank you. Did you just get here? Would you like a drink? Tuah, would you like a refill?” She paused, gesturing to Maya. “This is Maya, by the way. She bakes.”

Grace had slept with Ruby because she hadn't thought Alia was coming back. She hadn't heard from her girlfriend in days at that point, and their last interaction had been a fight. And there had been Ruby, beautiful, charming, sensual... She had smelled and tasted wonderful. And she had been excellent in bed. But Grace had a feeling that Alia wouldn't want to hear about those things. "Ruby," Grace greeted, trying to be normal but probably coming off a bit stiffer than she intended. "I'm glad you could make it. I had no idea you knew my girlfriend." She slipped a hand onto Alia's lap. "What a small world..."

Maya had the undeniable feeling that she'd ended up in the middle of something. It was a by-product of growing up in foster care. She took another sip of her drink. When introduced she gave a little wave, "That's me." She then took another sip deciding that whatever was going to happen there was no way she was tipsy enough for it.

Iann was glad for this sort of thing, he quickly realized. He was generally crud at huge social situations (inevitably making things awkward) so at least running the show meant he had a purpose outside of having to be charming and conversational. Gyah. He talked to the servers, making sure the bistro was still keeping up, the bar was still stocked, and the bathrooms were clean. He glanced over to where Grace and Alia were, and found their group had expanded as Tuah and Ruby(? Yes, that was Ruby) joined them. Eventually, Iann returned, slapping a hand on the back of Tuah's shoulder to announce his arrival. "So! Hey! Hey," Iann nodded at both Maya and Ruby. "So who wants a tour of the inn?"

Alia glanced at Grace, the stiffness in her tone and body language not going unnoticed (despite the hand that had found its way onto her thigh), though she had no explanation for it. Certainly, Ruby hadn’t tried to kiss her the way Iann had. “Ruby and I rescued a unicorn together,” she informed the other three.

Ruby returned the hug with enthusiasm. "You're welcome. You look beautiful. And yeah, I just got here. Tuah found me before I could make it in the door." She gave the vampire an affectionate squeeze. "I'll take one yeah, thanks. Somethin' strong." She gave a wave to the new face, Maya. "Nice to meet you."

Tuah let his hand dropped to his side when Alia reached out to hug Ruby. "Ah, I still have the drink from the drink Iann gave me." He only then took a sip of the concoction that Iann had prepared for them, tongue dragging across his lips to catch the remnant of the werewolves blood on his lips. "I've met Miss Parker before at my cafe, though it's only briefly." To Maya, he said, "settling well, I hope?" When Tuah felt Iann's touch on his shoulder he made some space for his kasih, wrapping his arm around Iann's waist.

Ash had seen the prep work going on for the party. He'd been staying in one of the suite's ever since Iann had rescued him from being attacked by a swarm of Jackalopes. He was glad their blood had gone to good use in the drinks behind the bar and ordered himself one moments after entering the room, catching the scents of all the other creatures in the room, but knowing at least one of them was a naga. "I heard something about someone's birthday?" he said, approaching the group with his usual loftiness. "I didn't have time to get a gift, but I can write you a cheque, if you like."

Maya 's brow furrowed. A unicorn? Were those real? Part of her didn't want to ask, didn't want to get too involved in the conversation with people who clearly knew each other better. She was grateful therefore for Iann's interruption. "Depends," she said to him, "Will you look the other way when I try to steal your mini shampoos." She cracked a grin, "What did I say when? I meant if." To Tuah she smiled and nodded, "Yeah, pretty well. Alia helped me get a job at a bakery around the corner from her bar."

Ruby was a bit surprised that Alia was Grace's girlfriend. Not in a way that made her uncomfortable really. Grace being a grown woman and making it perfectly clear to Ruby on the night of their dalliance that she was all up for spending time with her. And Ruby didn't delve too deeply after that, only wanting the distraction herself. "Alia and I are acquanited, yes," she smiled at Grace. "She helped me out a while back. But it is a small world, you're right."

Grace wet her lips. "Saving unicorns, hm? Sometimes I think this one is right out of a story book." She gave Alia a stiff smile. "Ruby and I met. A few weeks back, wasn't it? At the karaoke bar."

Alia tried to catch Freddie’s attention - the poor fairy was quite busy - and placed an order for Ruby, something strong she thought the other woman would like. “You know, Tuah, I still have to come by to your cafe.” And talk about Iann’s birthday surprise, she did not say. She frowned slightly at the newcomer - recognizing him to be a naga instantly, which was exciting, but frowning at his offer to write a cheque. “No cheques necessary,” she told him, still intrigued by his nags-ness. Before she could greet him properly, however, Grace was pulling her back into conversation, and she frowned slightly, not sure how she should take the storybook remark in combination with Grace’s colder tone. “We have a karaoke bar in Soapberry? Were you singing?” She smiled, tone teasing as she wrapped an arm around Grace’s waist.

Grace chuckled, rolling her eyes. "Singing? No, my love. Have you ever heard me sing, even in the shower?" She sipped her drink, looking toward Ruby with a shrug. "Ruby was singing. She's very talented." In more ways than one

"I always thought mini shampoos were for taking," Iann replied and winked. "Just don't try to steal the mattress and we'll be good." Which was something Iann had tried at a hotel once - he needed furniture for his apartment in NYC, and a motel had everything he'd needed, so why not. But Iann was distracted by Ash's arrival, and he motioned to both Maya and Ash. He checked his phone and sent off a quick text. "You two can come with me if you like. I need help with something, hm?" He started heading towards one of the side doors, checking to see if either Maya or Ash followed.

"Yep," Ruby nodded. "Unicorns. Who woulda thought? And yeah. Open mic night," she said to Grace, noticing the subtle undertones of... something... in the vampire's voice. Well. It wasn't Ruby's business. She turned as Iann's voice clamored above all the rest, but didn't necessarily want to be the only one going on what would be a strange - and most likely awkward - tour with the man. But Maya spoke up, and Ruby grinned, the idea of mischief making her feel a bit lighter.

Ash could practically taste the drama in the air, and it was delicious. "I like to sing," he interjected. "And dance. And party." He extended a hand to the general group, but his eyes never left the naga. "Would any of you care to join me?" He lifted his eyes toward Iann. "I was just getting acquainted with these lovely ladies." He withdrew his hand, giving an eye roll. "Alright, alright. My darlings," he said in his charming Southern accent. "I'll be back momentarily." And with that, Ash followed Iann out of the room.

Maya laughed, "See now I have to try and steal a mattress. I don't make the rules," she replied as she followed Iann. She liked him and was glad that she had rescued him from his stuck upside down in a field while attempting to catch a mole-man debacle. Maya was also glad to have a reasonable excuse to slip away from whatever trouble was brewing.

Alia laughed at Grace’s remark. “No, but a girl can always dream.” She was tempted to join the newcomer - there was something about him… something about a fellow naga. It had been so long since she had met one of her own kind! But she turned back to Grace and Ruby. “I would love to hear you sing one day,” she told Ruby. “When is the next open mic night?” She nudged Grace gently. “Shall we go and watch Ruby sing?”

Ruby recognized the newcomer's southern accent, thick and drawling as it was. They weren't common up this way. Her, Ephram, and Faye being the only southerners she knew. But her attention was drawn again by Grace. "I sing well enough for karaoke," she said, sipping her drink that Alia handed her. "It's every Wednesday night," Ruby told Alia. "At 8. You should come. Both of you."

Iann Really wanted to tell Maya to try, just to see if she could, because it would be hilarious if she did. But he had to remind himself that the Inn wasn't just his; and in truth if it was, it would likely be out of business in two months. Freddie kept Iann's more spontaneous (read un-financial) ideas in line, thank god. Instead, he just grinned as he saw the naga and the witch following. "It's nothing exciting. Well, not for us anyway. But if you help with this then you'll be remembered as heros of this soiree." Taking them out to the back alley, there was a woman waiting with her white van back doors open, and a giant cake sitting there. Iann greeted her and paid, saying 'We'll take it from here." They got the cake onto a wheeling cart, and Iann flourished his hands. "It's their shared birthday cake! I need help getting it into the bar."

Grace couldn't think of anything worse than going on a date with her girlfriend to watch the person she'd slept with when they were fighting sing, but she nodded politely. She'd have to explain the situation to Alia later, in private. "I think that would be lovely," she said, hoping Iann, Maya and the strange newcomer would be back shortly and save her from this situation.

Maya followed Iann to a back alley, an odd place to start a tour, but to be fair he was sort of an odd guy. It became clear pretty quickly though that in fact they would be helping him with the cake. At the sight of the actual cake though Maya had to paused, "Uh dude, that's a wedding cake. Like full on read Corinthians 13, doing the conga with your weird uncle wedding cake"

Ash eyed the cake, rubbing his hands together. "Delicious! This is up for grabs once the bride and bride have their fill, yes?" He situated himself behind the cart, ready to wheel it in. "I thought this was a birthday party, not a reception. Do both of those come with the possibility of strippers?"

Iann stared at the cake. "It's a wedding cake?" He looked at the two brides in the cake topper. "This isn't just two ladies in nice white gowns?" Iann was pleased at Ash's enthusiasm to wheel the cake in. "Hey pal, if you want to do the stripping honours, then be my guest. I'll just switch the music, hm? Just make sure to strip with your tail on, because that would be glorious."

Alia was surprised it had taken so little to convince Grace to go back to the karaoke bar - then again, if it was someplace she had been before, perhaps she simply liked it and no convincing was necessary; it wasn’t somewhere she’d have expected for Grace to willingly go to, though. “Let’s do a toast!” she proclaimed, raising her glass to clink against Ruby’s and Grace’s. “To karaoke!”

"Okay, first thing yes its obviously a wedding cake. And second the whole cake stripper thing is the bachelorette party not the reception. I mean you would give grandma a heart attack," Maya replied. Honestly she would've been on board if it had obviously been a prank, but it seemed that Iann had done it unintentionally. Although it might still be funny.

Grace lifted her glass cautiously. "To open mic night," she corrected. "It's a little bit classier."

Ruby could only laugh and clink her glass with Alia's before taking a long... long... sip.

It was definitely a prank; but what was more fun than one prank? Two pranks. Maya seemed to believe that Iann was clueless, and Iann gleefully played it up. "Why stick to convention? If the stripper wants to come for the birthday party, then let him show up for the birthday party, Maya. Shake things up a bit, hm? Now c'mon. And remember: no one is singing Happy Birthday. You two wheel it in and I'll get everyone's attention." Although the cake was gigantic, it wouldn't take long for it to get everyone's attention.

Alia had been about to ask Ruby if she liked her drink, but she had to do a double-take as the cake - large, white cake, much larger than any birthday cake had any right to be - was wheeled in. “Is that a wedding cake?”

Maya only had to consider for a half a moment before deciding fuck it. Whatever happened it was probably going pretty funny. What she didn't find funny though was Ash clapping at her like she was a child or a dog. "Okay, clap at me again and your face is going in this cake," she replied. She did start pushing though. She also couldn't help but start humming Here Comes the Bride under her breath

Ruby turned around to look at the enormous cake being wheeled in, raising her eyebrows over the rim of her glass. "Looks like it..."

Ash cocked his head to the side with a smirk. "Yes ma'am, my apologies." He liked when people were assertive. It was amusing. As the cake entered the room, it garnered the attention of the guests, and the ladies whose honour this celebration was in, and they looked less then pleased. "Congratulations to the happy couple!" Ash called, leading the guests in a confused round of applause. "And I'm not clapping at you this time, sweetheart, calm down."

Iann looked between Ash and Maya, making a teasing "Awwww, looks like there's gonna be more than one wedding tonight..." comment to the two kids, before he headed in, holding doors open. Maya and Ash did their part magnificently - the moment the cake came in, everyone's eyes were on it. "Happy birthday, Alia! Happy unlife birthday, Grace!" Iann called out, clapping loudly enough that everyone at the party felt slowly obliged to clap as well, despite the obvious weddingness of the cake. Iann grinned at Alia though, and gave her a cheeky wink.

Grace buried her head in the crook of Alia's arm, exhaling. "Please tell me he didn't just do that," she groaned, peeking out to get a look at the cake. It looked delicious, but also definitely not like a birthday cake. "Iann Cardero is going to die very, very shortly," she whispered into her girlfriend's ear before smiling for their guests, as fake a smile as anyone could ask for, and clapping along with the joke. "Remind me never to ask you to supply me with any kind of cake ever again," she called in Iann's direction.

The whole room had turned to look at them, something which usually would've made Maya uncomfortable, but it was pretty obvious that they were focused on the cake. She joined in on the clapping. At Ash's comment though she rolled her eyes. Under her breath she replied, "Wait really? Are you sure because I'm pretty sure everything's about me."

Alia was at a loss for words, though luckily, Grace was there to distract her, and she laughed. “I cannot tell you that. I might kill him before you do,” she said sweetly, rolling her eyes in Iann’s direction as her friend winked at her. “Next time, we will ask Maya to bake the cake,” she said, loud enough so that the general crowd could hear it. “Are there even candles on this thing, Iann?”

Iann made an 'awww' noise as if Grace was saying super-sweet things about him, and he leaned in to give Grace a hug. "You know I couldn't resist. You two are too perfect, hm? Perfect together as well. Who would've known that moving to Soapberry would bring you here, Gracie?" Iann said, but he kept his tone only for Grace. He nodded about the candles, which had been pre-arranged by the bakery in advance. "Someone dim the lights!" Iann said, and once a server did, Iann made a little whistle tune, and the cake lit up almost like a Christmas tree. All magically, of course. As if Iann would just get a normal wedding cake. "You can each cut the cake."

Grace kissed Alia's shoulder, relieved. "That makes a change. You're usually the one holding me back from the killing." She was glad, at least, that this had distracted both her and Alia from Ruby for the time being. "He needed a cake this big because he needed to fit a hundred and ninety six candles on it, obviously," Grace commended with a mild sarcasm.

Ruby clapped along with everyone else, moving slowly off to the side so that the birthday girls could be the center of attention. The atmosphere was a happy one, and it made Ruby smile. She looked around as the lights dimmed, making a noise of approval as the cake llit up. Sometimes she really loved magic.

Maya had to laugh. All things considered it was sort of a sweet moment. She missed sweet moments. And it seemed that if she was still here in a year she would have a job. Although with a little convincing she could get up to hijinks too. For instance she'd baked a cake which had turned her best friend's first boy-girl party into basically a make out party. She would say that she wasn't proud of it, but it had made the mean girls stop harassing her best friend for being "lame."

Grace stood straighter, gesturing to them to cut the cake, and some of the wait-staff began handing it out. "I'll be right back," she whispered to Alia, kissing her girlfriend's cheek before slipping over to Ruby, finding her in the crowd. "I need you to know," she said under her breath, "I never would have slept with you if I knew you and Alia were friends. The last thing I need is for anything to be awkward."

Ash wasn't really concerned with anyone else's drama. Mostly, what he was concerned about was cake. He took a huge piece, beginning to feed it to himself while everyone else got their share. He gave Maya a small wink. "You're just lucky I didn't strip," he teased, before gracefully sauntering toward Alia. "Well well. We finally meet. I've heard a lot about you."

Ruby looked up as Grace came over. "I met her after that night, down at the docks. So we hadn't met yet, if that makes a difference." She took a sip of her drink, running the glass along her bottom lip, a strange expression crossing her face. "And that's the last thing I /want./ I'm not here to cause trouble, I promise." She looked across the crowd at Alia. "That's not the kinda person I am.”

Maya smirked. "Am I though?" she asked. So there was a little bit of a challenge in her voice, sue her. To be fair it wasn't really a party until someone started taking their clothes off. When he sauntered off though she let him go and instead got herself a piece of cake to do with her drink.

Grace nodded stiffly. "If I thought you were here to cause trouble, I'd have already asked you to leave. Alia and I are exclusive now, but we weren't at the time. I never lied to you."

Alia watched as the lights were dimmed, and the candles - all magically lit - brightened the room. “Obviously,” she murmured with a quiet laugh, leaning into Grace even as she made the first cut into the cake. When Grace excused herself, she only nodded, cutting a few slices to hand out before stealing one for herself, and leaving the rest of the slicing to the staff with a ‘thank you’. She blinked at the other naga, pleased to finally have a moment to meet him. “You have heard of me? Though the party, you mean.”

"That's fair," Ruby said. "And I don't make it my business to wreck relationships." Other than her own. "I don't go home with people who're lookin' to make someone jealous, or to start drama. I got enough. So... thank you. For bein' honest."

Grace continued sipping her drink. "Lies cause more trouble than anything else." She watched Alia across the room with an affectionate eye. "I'll talk to her later, when we're alone."

"They do," Ruby agreed. "Truth might hurt, but it's better than livin' with things that you risk blowin' up later."

Ash gave a little shrug, continuing to smile at her. "I heard there was another naga in town. The one at the Fainting Goat, right, that's you?" He grinned. "Excellent drinks there."

Alia circled the other naga before coming to a stop in front of him: the start of their elaborate greeting ceremony. “That is me,” she affirmed, smiling slightly at the compliment - something a bartender always loved to hear. “I am Alia. And you are?”

Ash circled the other naga in return. "I'm Ash. Of New Orleans." He cocked his head to the side. It had been a long time since he had done this. Naga were so few, or at least they seemed that way to him.

Fane was late. Not often was that the case but today it was and what could be done to help it? He'd been debating doing a no show as had Faye but ultimately the pair decided to say fuck it and go. Partially explaining their late arrival. Finding a parking spot outside Fane glanced up at the inn feeling a little uncertain but deciding that it would simply be best to plough ahead with what might turn out to be a wonderful or terrible decision. Pushing through the doors he wandered in the direction he heard some familiar voices coming from and stepped into the throng knowing Faye wouldn't be far behind him.

Alia regarded her fellow naga curiously, now starting to walk in a counter-clockwise direction around the man. It was difficult to take her eyes off him, so excited was she to have another naga in front of her. “I am of Tiberias, Israel. What brings you to Soapberry, Ash of New Orleans?” The question was pure curiosity and had nothing to do with formality. Her attention was so focused on Ash that she didn’t notice Fane arrive.

Maya looked up from her cake to see Fane walking into the party. She was reminded again how underdressed she was. When they made eye contact she waved at Fane with a half smile.

Faye came in a few beats behind Fane, having a dress malfunction that she'd thought she'd already fixed. He'd gone on ahead with her order of 'something straight, brown, and strong,' and a few minutes later she followed inside, knowing the way from her earlier visit with Iann.

Fane had his attention caught by a wave over by the bar, and it took a beat for him to recognise the individual. He paused glancing over at Faye to indicate where he was going before he neatly weaved through the crowds until he came up by her with a smile though he kept a wary eye out for Freddie. "Hey Maya."

Ash nodded, following the other naga's lead with the ritual. He couldn't do it properly without revealing his tail, and he would have to remove several items of clothing before that was possible, so this would have to do. "That explains the charming accent. I come looking for people of my own kind, nagas, but other supernaturals as well."

River had spent way too long trying to figure out what to wear to this party. She hadn't expected to be invited to something like...ever. She didn't exactly have party corlothes to spare. Once during her years looking for her siblings, she'd needed to go to a fancy event to gather information, but all she could afford was a secondhand suit from a thrift store. A suit made of tweed. It was itchy and very ugly, complete with a corduroy bow tie. As she walked into the party, feeling extremely underdressed and overdressed all at once, she noticed a few people she recognized besides Alia. She saw they were all engaged in conversation, though, so she stuck to the wall by the entrance.

Faye stopped to say hello to a few people before making her way towards where Fane was standing. "Hi, there," she said to the new face.

Ash spent a few minutes engaging in the lengthy greeting ritual with the other naga. Once that was done, he allowed himself to roam the party. Spotting the selkie from the bar wearing the ugliest outfit imaginable, he rushed to her side. "Oh, no, darling, we can't possibly let this do." He gestured for her to come with him. "Come along. I have plenty of clothes in my suite upstairs. I'm sorry, I can't let you walk around looking like this.

Maya took another sip of her drink. "Hi," she had to paused to remember, "Fane right?" She'd met a lot of new people in the last few weeks and occasionally had to take a moment to get them straight.

River was honestly relieved when Ash rushed to her side. Not only did she not have to inject herself into a conversation by her own volition, but he was going to get her out of this godawful suit. "Thank god," she sighed, starting to follow him. "This was all I had."

Ash shook his head. This poor girl. "Come, we'll make a star of you yet." He crept out of the party with her, rushing up to his suite, one of the nicest in the whole place, and throwing open the closet doors. "What do you need? Something to make you look attractive and butch? I have lots of lovely suits." He gave her a quick once over. "It may not fit perfectly, but we're similar size."

Fane shifted to prop his elbow on the bar nodding his head at the clarification of his name "that's me." He felt more than saw Faye's presence arrive nearby glancing in her direction his features softening a bit when he looked at her but his attention returned to Maya promptly. "So how's town treating you so far? Settling in I hope?"

River looked down at herself, holding her arms out at her sides and noting how the sleeves of her tweed suit hung past her fingertips if she let them lay naturally. How the hem of the slacks slumped heavily around her unpolished loafers. "I think anything's going to fit better than this thing." Without shame, she started to undress. She felt weirdly comfortable with Ash in that regard, not that she was getting naked or anything. She stripped down to her tank top and briefs. "Something simple I guess. You've got a better style than me anyway. You pick."

Ash gave a little shrug. "You're not wrong." He thumbed through the closet for something just right. He pulled out a white shirt. You couldn't go wrong with a classic like that. Next was the suit. He had a number of nice ones, but settled on something dark, black with a dash of red among the detailing, and finally, a red tie.

Maya nodded, "Yeah so far. Alia helped me get a job, so you know, things are looking up." Of course it would take some time for paychecks to start coming in which was going to be a problem for her. But that was hardly his problem.

Fane seemed pleased by her answer. "Good, I'm glad to hear that-- are you working with her or somewhere else in town?" He'd been to the Fainting Goat a few times but it wasn't a regular habitation of his, it might become one though.

River immediately started putting on items as Ash picked them out. So quickly, in fact, she wasn't really taking in how everything fit together. Not until it was all on and she caught a look at herself in the mirror. She look...really good. As a finishing touch, she took her mop of hair on her head and used the tie on her wrist to bring it into a ponytail. "Thanks Ash," she said, still staring at herself.

Ash admited his handiwork, helping River smooth out the edges and brushing back her hair. "There. Now aren't you stunning? Come, alcohol is waiting. It would be rude to keep it."

Maya "At a bakery around the corner," she replied, "They needed someone to cover an opening shift and the rest as they say is history."

River chuckled. "Alcohol might be waiting for you/i]..." Right. She was here for a party. Which meant she had to talk to people. And social. Oh man, there were the nerves again. As they walked down the stairs she felt butterflies trying to rip through her stomach. What if she looked stupid in this suit? What if everyone could tell she'd never be able to afford something like this and she looked like a huge imposter. She breathing picked up the pace as they got down to the main floor again. "I don't know if I can do this," she admitted to Ash.

Fane The bakery, "huh really?" But a smile did edge its way onto his lips "well fancy that, have you started yet? I feel like a congratulations is in order. What are you drinking tonight?"

Ash eyed her curiously. "You're not looking to get drunk again? Tsk tsk, I'm shocked. I have this lovely suite up here for you to crash in and everything." Selkies couldn't hold their liquor, and he'd tested that theory personally. He could practically feel her nerves. He could hardly imagine what it was like to not be so confident. He'd never been in that position. Confidence that bordered on arrogance had been bred into him. "You can. It's merely a party. The cake is excellent."

Maya shook her head, "Next week." She felt a little nervous, having not baked properly in awhile. But it was like riding a bicycle. Probably. "Plus apperently I've been hired to make next year's birthday cake after Iann got a wedding cake instead, so I have that to look forward to," she added with a gesture towards the monstrosity. She took another sip of her drink which was already almost empty. No one could really blame her for that though considering she'd been apart of an awkward conversation already this evening and didn't really know anyone involved. "Rum and coke," she replied.

River tried to take some deep breaths, but they were shaky and ragged. "I barely know anybody. And this suit...I look like a fraud." She paced in front of the doorway back into the party, wiping her sweaty palms on her new slacks.

Ash shook his head, tsking her again. "You look fabulous, and the sooner you start believing it, the sooner you will feel it."

River found herself finally able to take some deep breaths, her lungs thanking her by relaxing a bit. "Okay...." she breathed. "Okay." She faced the door to the party, tightening her tie a little. Just have to believe it. Easy, right? She pushed forward and once again she was in the large hall. This time though, it did feel different. She didn't feel like a frumpy schoolboy in a too-big suit. She felt...hot. Attractive. Ash had been right.

Ash clapped her on the shoulder, a little too enthusiastic, a little exaggerated, but well-meaning. He gave her a broad grin and plucked a piece of cake from the table at the head of the room. "Excellent, now eat this. Apparently they're not really married. It was a joke. But it's delicious just the same."

Faye leaned against the bar as well, listening idly to the conversations going on around her. Content, for now, to people watch. The young girl Fane was talking to seemed nice enough, and Faye could feel the hum of magic around her.

River eagerly took the cake from Ash's hand, digging in but being more careful than usual to not make a complete mess of herself. "The cake is pretty damn excellent," she confirmed to him. She surveyed the room. She spotted Maya across the way, locked in conversation. She wanted to go up and talk to her, but instead just shoved more cake in her mouth.

Grace had been talking to Ruby, mingling with the other guests, and all around trying not to look suspicious. She had only just noticed that Fane had arrived, alongside Faye. The smiliarities of their names would never fail to amuse her. She approached Faye first, given that the other woman was alone. "Hello darling," she greeted with a small smirk. "Long time since we spoke. How are you and Stefan doing?"

Fane brightened at the news, happy for Maya's success so far in managing to secure herself a job. "I'm sure you'll do splendidly, so what else have you gotten up to since I last saw you? You've clearly met Alia." He looked over at the cake in question having somehow missed it on his entrance and letting out a low whistle. "What the bloody fu--" but then hearing it was Iann's doing Fane ended up snorting "typical Iann..." he glanced over at Faye his next comment directed at her "do you think that was deliberate or he didn't know it was a birthday celebration?" Waving down the bartender to get a rum and coke for Maya "oh and this is Faye, my partner."

Grace arched a brow. Speaking of Stefan... "Oh, there you are," he said with a smile as Fane and Maya approached. "The cake was but a joke. Alia and I won't be getting married any time soon."

Faye: "Deliberate," Faye said without hesitation. She gave Maya a wave before turning around as she heard a familiar voice. "Grace," Faye greeted. "Happy Birthday. And it has been, hasn't it? Housewarming was it?" She gave the vampire a smile that was genuine but that held all the reminders of their last chat. "We're doin' well. I'm sorry we were late. We had... car trouble."

Maya "Just trying to stay out of trouble mostly," Maya replied with a shrug. She'd met a few people, but nothing really all that exciting. She'd helped Iann out of a mole man situation, but she suspected that was a typical Tuesday for Iann. "I think it was on purpose based on his shit eating grin after presenting it," she replied. Her statement was shortly confirmed by Grace who had come over to greet the two newcomers. She gave Faye a wave, but nothing more as the other woman seemed distracted by Grace. Instead she picked up the rum and coke with a thanks to Fane.

Fane: "Was it really though?" Fane questioned unable to help the slight slant of a grin that crossed his features looking at Grace. He stepped over quickly enough to buss her cheeks lightly oblivious to the other conversation going on between Faye and her. Though hearing Faye mention car trouble he arched a brow as he withdrew "no need to make excuses... Faye was a tad tied up with work, she couldn't get out of it..." Returning back to stand near Maya he looked at her curiously "is that to say trouble finds you then?"

Faye: "That's what happens when you put Iann in charge," Faye commented affectionately about her friend. She looked to the other woman - Alia - that she hadn't met yet. She was quite lovely, and seemed to be a favorite of everyone she was speaking with. "She's gorgeous," Faye said to Grace, though she had no doubt the vampire was aware.

River became acutely aware of how weird she looked standing by a cake table shoving it in her mouth alone, seeing as Ash had walked away to get a drink. She set her almost finished plate down and bit the bullet, walking up to Maya and those around her. "Hey," she spat out. "You look nice."

Grace kissed Fane's cheek in return. "Thank you. You've still got several more years on me," she replied with a smirk. "Yes, Iann was kind enough to loan us the room, help arrange all the drinks and all the food, but I suppose this was his payback," she said with a snicker. Gorgeous seemed like a huge understatement to use in reference to Alia, but Grace nodded in agreement. "She's very special. I wasn't expecting someone like her to walk into my life, but I'm glad she did. You might say she domesticated me."

Maya looked up a little surprised when Fane returned to talk to her. She'd assumed that he would be more interested in his partner and the host. As far as his question Maya let out something between a sigh and a laugh, "Yeah, you could say that." She was about to make a joke about it when someone spoke beside her. Turning to find River Maya smiled, "I think what you mean is that I'm wildly underdressed, but its sweet of you to say anyway." It was true too. Having not even owned a dress in two years she'd opted for black jeans, her only pair of shoes, her leather jacket which at this point was almost like armor to her, and the nicest shirt she owned which definitely had a hole in one of the armpits. "You, on the other hand," she replied, "Clean up nice."

Faye tipped an eyebrow at Fane - which he pointedly ignored - as he brushed off her excuses with one of his own, though a bit more towards the truth. She /had/ been tied up with work. But well... not the kind that came with red pens and comments in the margins. "Anyway..." she said with a touch of fondness as she turned back to Grace. "We never do, do we?" Her gaze drifted back towards her own partner. Faye wasn't the type of person who needed to be with her significant other for the entirety of an event like this. Fane was a social person, and she felt no qualms about being left to her own devices. She was a big girl. She could take care of herself. And entertain herself too, if needs be.

Ruby wandered off a bit as Grace moved to say hello to a few more guests. She didn't care to talk to Faye or Fane at the moment, so she found a nice, quiet corner and sat down, watching the party from afar for the moment.

River chuckled. "You look great," she reiterated. "You should see what I showed up in. I looked like I'd been dressed by a drunk history professor." Why was she admitting that? The whole point of putting on this suit was to forget the tweed ever happened. "This is my friend Ash's suit," she said, gesturing over to where he was standing. "But, you know, thanks." She blushed a little, rubbing her sweaty palms on the inside of her pockets in an attempt to keep them dry.

Maya grinned, "A drunk history teacher? Now that's a look I'd like to see." Her smile softened, remembering how nervous River had been the first time they had met and guessing that she was probably pretty nervous now. "Well, it looks like Ash didn't steer you wrong," she said.

Faye leaned both elbows back against the bar, looking around at all the people chatting quietly and at the very chic decor. It was beautiful, that much was true, but the atmosphere was a tad too... stuffy. But this wasn't her party. "You know what you need?" Faye said to Grace. "Tequila."

River smiled. "Yeah. He's got more style in his pinky than I have in my whole body," she said, bringing a hand up to rub the back of her neck. "So, uh, I know like almost nobody at this party. So I'm glad you're here."

Fane had temporarily wandered off to get a drink but lingered on the edge of the various conversations. Though Maya seemed taken in conversation with a face he couldn't place and Faye was... Well, Faye was mingling with his ex. So all in all people seemed more or less alright he supposed even if things felt a little slow for now. Eyeing the other figures it was hard to miss the one sat aside minding her own and after a slight debate he meandered over to sit down nearby. "You know, suddenly I'm getting flashes of that dancing film where Swayze declares you never leave a lady in the corner" he said by way of greeting, friendly and hoping to engage Ruby in conversation if he could.

Grace gave Faye a smile. She would have been lying if she had claimed not to like the other woman at first. She'd been fond of her from the moment she met her, but she had maintained a little jealous streak over her relationship with Fane. That was mostly gone now. "I couldn't agree more. Alcohol is always a good choice."

Maya it wasn't until it was too late that Maya realized she hadn't asked if Fane and River knew each other. She was new enough to town that she assumed everyone knew more people than her. When River mentioned not knowing anyone it finally occurred to her. "Oh well this," she turned to see Fane walking away, "That was Fane. Anyway just give it like three more rounds of shots and you'll have more friends than you know what to do with."

Faye had wanted to rip Grace's heart out and feed it to her when she'd learned of what had transpired between the woman and Fane. But since Fane was trying to be the better man about it, Faye decided she was too. She couldn't very well be angry - outwardly - over something that Fane was trying to put behind him. Though that didn't mean she was going to forget. Though she and Grace had come to an understanding awhile ago, and now at least they got on aggreably. So when Grace agreed, she ordered several shots and placed them in front of the woman. "Now, birthday girl first..."

Iann returned from somewhere, surprised to see new people, but at least most of them seemed to have cake in hand. Iann was determined to get rid of as much of the cake as possible tonight - after all, the damn thing was huge, and paid out of his pocket (Freddie refused to pitch in to such a random prank, but wished Iann well nevertheless). "Cake? Does everyone have cake? Do you want more cake?" Iann paused near Maya and a tidy-looking young woman in a snazzy suit standing with the witch. "Hello, who are you?" Not that Iann knew everyone in town, but...well he knew most people, anyway. And she was not someone Iann recognized.

Ruby wasn't feeling particularly inclined towards any emotion in general, content to sit and watch the crowd and be social (ish) instead of staying at home or working. She smiled around the rim of her glass as she watched the antics of some of the people floating around. It wasn't until he spoke that Ruby noticed Mr. Savin sitting down nearby. "Mmm," she said as she swallowed her drink. "I think you mean' nobody puts Baby in the corner.' Dirty Dancing."

Maya brightened when Iann appeared almost magically at her elbow, "Like Iann. This is River and this is Iann." She shook her head at his question, "And no I don't need more cake. It's hard to steal a mattress on a full stomach."

Iann looked at Maya, slightly worried. "Which room are you going to steal it from?" he asked, pulling out his cell phone. "And around what time? I'll have to make arrangements to get a new one delivered..." Iann poked at his phone for a moment, then looked up at River. "That's a nice name. River, like an otter."

River watched the man Maya gestured to walk away. "Fane. Okay." She made a mental note. If they ever met later she'd at least know his name. "I hope you mean everyone else is doing the shots. Selkies famously can't hold their liquor, apparently. Something I found out the hard way when I got to town." She smiled. Suddenly someone was talking to them, and thankfully Maya introduced her before she had to do it herself. "H-hi Ian," she stammered. "Oh, I'll take more cake. I'll always take more cake." When it came to food, it was one area where River was shameless. "Close," River chuckled. "More like a seal."

Maya laughed, "You don't really think I'm going to fall for that do you?" She was teasing, mostly. Even if she did steal it the theft would only be temporary. Pranks were their most fun when they were also mostly harmless aka not costing a new buisness hundreds of dollars. "Also yes shots for everyone including you because the only way to build up tolerance is to drink more."

River shook her head, smiling. "I uh...I don't think that's how it works," she said to Maya. But she'd be honest, if Maya put a shot in her hand, she probably wasn't going to refuse.

Fane perched not having sat deliberately too close in case it made her or anyone else uncomfortable. Fane was still very keenly aware of the fact of just who ran this hotel and in a slight way felt like he was intruding into a place he didn't very well belong. Suffice to say, it didn't put him in an overly jovial mood at least whilst he was still sober that was. Of course he'd known what he meant to say but it had been an effort to at least break the ice "that's the one, not sure whether I prefer that, Grease or Footloose though."

Iann grinned widely at River, eyes widening in delight as he forgot about his phone for a moment. "A selkie!! A nattily-dressed selkie to boot," Iann said, motioning to a server to get Rover a huge hunk of the cake. It was swiftly delivered to her hands. "Don't fret, River. We have drinks designed specifically for selkie constitutions, hm? Give it a try, see what you think?" In truth, Iann knew full well there was no chance in hell that a mattress that made its way outside of the inn, only to be returned for a laugh, would ever be allowed back into the room. That was just plain unhygienic and not the rep the inn wanted. It would be destroyed, and a new one would be purchased. So Iann just chewed at his lip. "Well the last thing I need is some guest showing up and we don't have a bed there. Just tell me when," he pleaded. "Then I can get a bed delivered in time."

Ruby: "Pfft, Dirty Dancing. Hands down. Kevin Bacon creeps me out and Grease was just..." She waved a hand, dismissing the movie entirely. "Don't even get me started on the second one with Michelle Pfeifer. Good Lord."

Maya smiled, "Its settled then." She turned to the bartender, "Shots all round." When Iann asked again about the mattress she shook her head and grew serious, "I'm not really going to steal a mattress Iann. They're huge and there are way to many witnesses. Your mattresses are safe from me." He seemed a little actually worried about it, so she let the idea go easily.

River was smiling so much she thought her cheeks would fall off. A huge chunk of cake? Drinks made for selkies? Had she died and gone to heaven? No, there'd be more mac and cheese here if she had. "Thanks Ian," she said, her mouth already full of the first bite of cake.

Iann "Shots all around! This one's a selkie," Iann noted to his bartender. Freddie had some art-business or something to take care of, but that was probably just an excuse to get out of bartending once the actual bartender arrived for his shift. Iann didn't mind though - Alia and Grace were technically people Iann knew better. So the bartender got the shots sorted - tequila for Maya and Iann, and something slightly green for River. "Erm...it might not taste good with cake," Iann warned River, and tapped on the bar. "Yum that up, and I'll pack you some before you leave, hm?" He looked at Maya, squinting at her. "I mean, I don't mind if you really want to steal it. If you need it and all. Just let me know when so I'll be prepared, kiddo."

Faye had done her set of shots along with Grace, the tequila burning a line down her throat in an old familiar fashion. More people were showing up, and Faye heard Iann's voice calling for shots. This might turn out to be a good party after all.

Grace always appreciated someone who bought her drinks. She could afford her own, of course, but it was the thought that counted, and she remained close to Faye, draping an arm around her shoulder. "Will any of these even work on me?" She questioned playfully, downing one after the other.

Fane hummed slightly but Ruby's dismissal over Grease made him tilt his head slightly. "Awh, Grease wasn't that bad... There are worse musicals out there. Carrie for example, was a shambles 'n' a half. At least the eighties gave us something worthwhile right? Besides the extreme shoulder pads 'n' waterbeds." Fane grew quiet taking a sip of his drink, glancing aside at her after a moment. Fane had noticed the fact that Ruby had been visiting the estate a fair bit, to hang out with Dani mostly but it was hard not to notice her being around so often. Plus, considering her husband owned the hotel he had to wonder why Ruby wasn't off with them. Despite everything he liked her, and it led to him wondering whether was wrong. "Is something up?" he eventually asked a touch tentatively unsure whether she'd want to talk about it or leave it be.

River easily smashed the rest of the cake in front of her, probably looking a little embarrassing as she did. The shot was placed in front of her just as she finished it, so to take Ian's warning, she swallowed a few times to clear her palate. Giving a wary glance back at Ian and Maya, she picked up the shot and held it out. "Cheers," she said, before downing it. It tasted pretty good, honestly. Fishy, but she loved it.

Maya grinned. This party was turning out to be pretty fun after all. She took her shot and was about to start at count-off when Iann told her that if she really wanted to steal a mattress he wouldn't mind. Just as long as she properly prepared him for it. The truth was she might soon need a mattress. But this was a party. She smiled, even though it didn't quite reach her eyes. "I won't steal your mattress Iann. Scout's honor. Now, shots on three?" She licked her hand and applied salt before picking up her shot. After counting down she licked the salt, downed the shot and bit into the lime like an expert.

Faye stuck her hand over the last shot before Grace could drink it. With a swirl of her fingers, Faye set the liquid inside spinning until it turned a deep, smokey blue. "Now try..." she grinned, the spell one she'd learned while working at Morgana's all those years. Increased the potency of the alcohol for vampires and wolves. Faye wished she had some of the /actual/ drink that was a Morgana's specialty. It had gotten Fane drunk on their trip after only a glass or two.

Iann watched River closely as she took the shot. It was something he'd designed with Elena's help; and though Elena was a merm, Iann figured the taste palette of seafolk was a little similar. Her face didn't screw up in disgust, so Iann took that as a good thing. "What's it feel like, River?" he asked eagerly. "Do you feel anything? It's made from a special type of seaweed, fermented of course. You're the first selkie to try it." Mostly because other selkies were far too suspicious of some concoction made but a human. He still squinted at Maya but didn't say anything just yet. Instead he downed his shot, biting into the lime wedge. "I don't trust those Scouts. With their badges and campers pampers."

Ruby gave him a small smile. "The eighties wasn't too bad. I mean... it gave us Journey and Blondie and Star Wars." Ruby /had/ been out to see Dani a bit more often lately. But it was nothing she wanted to bring up with Fane. She didn't dislike the man, but she didn't know him either, other than the two times they'd met previously. So her personal life - though she appreciated the offer - was her business. "Hm? Oh... no. I'm fine. Just been feelin' a bit under the weather lately. Think I might be gettin' a cold or somethin'."

Fane dipped his head "ooh don't even get me started on Star Wars-- we'll be here for an age and a half and I'll probably bore you to death." He had figured Ruby wouldn't talk to him, but he'd just wanted to check up on her really considering she seemed a bit lonely over here. "Ah-- It is the season for stuff like that... But, since you're here-- Fancy coming to join in?" he nodded towards the bar where people were starting to get their buzz on.

River nodded enthusiastically. "It tastes hella good," she said, licking her lips. It was like she'd had a fish-infused smoothie with a hint of kick. "I feel...fine. Tiny buzz, but usually one shot's got the room spinning so it's definitely an improvement."

Maya "So another round?" she asked. If either of them said no she wouldn't push it. Turning to Iann she added, "Does it make a difference if its Girl Scouts and not Boy Scouts? Or that I stopped after the age of eight and that's before they really start indoctrinating you?"

Ruby: "Fan, are you?" she asked as he mentioned Star Wars. Internally, Ruby gave a sigh of relief that Mr. Savin didn't push. She really was trying to have a good time instead of just being a boring wallflower, so his suggestion to head back to the bar was - eventually - met with a nod. "Sure. Why not. My drinks gone anyway."

Grace eyed Faye with a smirk. She wondered how Alia was getting along, hoping she was having half as much fun as Grace was. The two of them didn't need to be glued to one another's sides, no matter how jealous or over protective Grace came across sometimes. "Oooh, I do love witches," Grace whispered with a smirk, leaning in a little closer to watch the magic at work, then she drank it, sighing as the pleasant sensation made its way through her body. "Mmm...magic."

Iann "No room-spinning! Let's just get your cheeks all pink, hm?" Iann flicked his fingers for a second round. He didn't really drink often anymore, after some...bad times in his late 20s with booze. But recently, Iann had been imbibing more, assuring himself he could totally handle it. It had been over ten years after all, what was the harm? Iann snapped his fingers and pointed at Maya. "Girl Scouts are great. But I refuse to say anymore because a childless dude my age saying something like 'girl scouts are great' is kind of fucking creepy, ha ha," Iann grinned, letting the shots in a line. "Allez-oop, ladies."

Faye: "We do have our uses," Faye said as she watched Grace down the now ten times more potent alcohol. She would never do such a spell for anyone but a vamp, and maybe a wolf, because it would probably give them alcohol poisoning. "Tastes like a dream, don't it?" Faye drawled.

Ephram sidled up next to Faye and Grace, wrapping an arm around his sister's waist and kissing the side of her head before asking, "What sorter magic-touched liquor are you feedin' folks now, Faye?" He grinned at Grace, holding out his hand. "Don't think we've met. I'm Ephram, good to meet you."

Grace smirked, wetting her lips with her tongue. "Plenty of uses." She lightly tapped a finger on the bar. "Is there more where that came from?" Before Faye could answer her question, a handsome blonde gentleman approached them. "I don't believe we have." She shook his hand. "Grace Villiers. And that magic liquor is going to keep me happy for many, many hours."

Faye was a bit surprised as Ephram came up beside her, and coughed a little on the liquor she'd just downed. "Mmm..." she coughed, "Hey you... and it's a spell made for vamps and wolves. Makes this-" she held up another tequila shot. "- ten times stronger."

Fane: "Am I?" he laughed slightly "oh lord you have no idea. C'mon, what are you drinking?" he waved for her to come along not liking the idea of leaving her sat alone on the sidelines whilst everyone else had fun. He wandered to the bar glancing at Iann, Maya and the new figure he didn't quite recognise. "Invented anything special for vamps?"

Maya laughed, "You make a good point." With the shots all lined up she counted down again before doing the salt-shot-lime sequence. It was a little messier this time. "You know," she said, relishing the burn in her throat, "Before I was born my dad used to brew magical beer. He stopped because apparently boiling beer next to your two year old seems like asking for a disaster."

Ephram rubbed his hand against Faye's back to soothe her cough and said, "Good thing I brought this, then, for the birthday darlin's." He plunked a mason jar full of a scarlet liquid down and said, "Now, I'd bet my left lung you ain't never had this before, since I'm the only 'un makes it. Blood moonshine." Ephram was practically bouncing on his toes, wanting Grace to try his new invention.

Iann was half leaning against the bar and he looked from Fane, to Ruby, then back to Fane. "Why re-invent the wheel? We serve blood here - have you ever tried a pixie blood cocktail? I've heard it's..." Iann grinned slowly. "Potent. Fun. Fantasical." He looked at Maya, exuding heat off his skin, due to the crowd and the alcohol. He blurted before recalling the context of Maya: "So why didn't your dad just pick up brewing again once you were old enough?"

Grace arched a brow. "Blood moonshine?" she repeated, eyes alight with curioisity. "Those are two of my favorite words." She couldn't say very much about the container it came in. It was rather crude, if she did say so herself, but that would be easily forgiven if the substance inside was as good as she anticipated. "I think I just made two new friends," she said with a grin, helping herself to the concoction, swallowing it hungrily.

Faye let out a soft 'ooohhhh' as Ephram plunked down the jar of what could only be moonshine, coughing once more as Ephram confirmed. She gave a slightly tickled laugh, mock whispering to Ephram, "You tryin' to get her drunker than a skunk?"

Maya paused. It wasn't something that she liked to talk about. And it was always complicated to talk about, how to reveal and how much to keep to herself as not to make anyone uncomfortable. Maya was so tired of secrets though, of pretending to be only half of herself. She took a long sip from her drink before replying with a faux easiness to her tone, "He died, which made it kind of difficult."

Ephram was more comfortable in the Stonefruit by virtue of it belonging to Freddie than he normally would be somewhere this fancy, and for that reason he wasn't in agony inside wondering if he was showing himself to be a backwoods rube. He watched Grace drink, pleased, and said to Faye, "Tipsy, not drunk! Party tipsy. Just enough to be fun."

River followed suit and downed her second shot as well. She was starting to feel it, and assumed this is how people usually felt after a second shot. Still not slurring their words and tripping over themselves, just feeling a nice, happy buzz in their head. She felt her cheeks starting to flush and she started to sweat a little, not being helped by the stuffy suit she was in. There were a lot more people at the bar, she was now noticing. A lot of voices. A lot of body heat. "Can I have some water, please? With ice?" she asked the bartender, who quickly handed it over. She gulped it down greedily, feeling it cool her from the center out. Much better. She'd been so wrapped up in slightly overheating that when she turned back to Maya, she realized the conversation had gotten slightly uncomfortable, only catching the tail end.

Ruby followed behind Fane, her glass hanging from her hand, but found herself in no immediate rush to push between the crowd to the bar. "Whiskey on the rocks," she told Fane. The crowd seemed to be having a good time. She saw Iann - looking at her - and she saw Grace standing with Faye and Ephram, both grinning, and a few others she didn't know. All in all it was a happy mood, and Ruby felt her own lighten.

Iann realized belatedly - right. He remembered when Maya used past tense before for her folks, and noted it then, but forgot completely now. "Well shit," Iann said abruptly. He reached over the bar, grabbing a regular tumbler and pouring three fingers of tequila into it. "There you go kid - on the house. The rest of it you had to pay for but you know. For the old man and all." Iann turned and looked at River, downing her iced water. "Do you want food? There's seafood. Shrimp! There's raw shrimp, you can have as much as you like."

Grace continued drinking the concoction, probably more of it than she should have, lowering the mason jar with a grin before handing it back to Ephram. "Oh, darling. Party tipsy sounds perfect. We're gonna have a hell of a time!"

Faye: "Well then that's even better. No fun bein' that drunk." Her arm found it's way around Ephram's waist, and she watched Grace drink down the red liquid with ease.

River reached to put a hand on Maya's shoulder, but took it away before anyone had noticed. When Ian offered her seafood, she nodded, a little too eager. "You're spoiling me, Ian."

Maya This was the part she always hated where everyone got really uncomfortable and didn't know what to say to the girl with dead parents. She hated this part. Shaking her head she said, "It's fine. It was a long time ago. But I am going to drink this shot because its free and its a party." While Iann and River discussed food she did the shot, relishing the burn in her throat.

Ephram smiled at Faye as Grace wandered off to attend to some of her other guests. It was clear from his eyes he'd pre-gamed it some, and he said, "I din't think you'd come. To Freddie's place."

Fane looked at Iann interest lighting his eyes at the proposed drink. "Pixie blood cocktail? Can't say I have actually." And he glanced to check he'd heard Ruby right using his body to ease a little space by the bar to let her in if she did want to join the crowd. When the bartender came around Fane ordered the drinks and glanced aside at the awkward atmosphere created by Iann's question though it seemed to be brushed over well enough. "Shots are a great solution to all things I've found," he remarked to Maya with a small grin.

Faye turned to lean against the bar, looking up at her brother. His eyes had that glassy sheen she recognized, having seen it in the mirror often enough. "Almost didn't," she admitted. "Then I figured, what the hell? Grace an' I are friends. Of a sort. An' I ain't lookin' to cause trouble."

Iann "Ahhh, you're just easy to spoil, River-the-selkie," Iann said, nodding his chin for someone to come over with shrimp cocktail. "I mean - c'mon. Who doesn't like shrimp? People allergic to shrimp, that's who." Iann helped himself to a couple as well and ate them down. When the pixie blood cocktail arrived for Fane, Iann motioned at him. "Go on, tell me what you think. Can't improve if we don't know what's wrong, hm? And you're all my guinea pigs tonight, so let me have it." Iann looked proudly at River, as if he'd created her. "River already gave her thumbs up to the selkie seaweed liquer."

Ephram wrinkled his nose, reaching past Faye to pick up one of the many filled shot glasses scattered along the bar. "Whassat mean? Friends of a sort? You two embroiled in a half-fight over somethang?" He threw back the booze, showing his teeth and then reaching for another. "Good shelf they got here," he said, somewhat impersonally considering he was married to one of the proprietors.

River knew what it was like to have everyone give that eye when you mentioned your dead parent. She'd gotten it a hell of a lot back in Kansas with her dead dad. And who knew now if her bio parents were alive or not. It was almost something she could roll of her back if she made herself not dwell on it, which was surprisingly easy. She gave Ian a thumbs up when he mentioned his seaweed drink, then turned to Maya. "So, anything new since my dog knocked you over?" she asked.

Faye smiled, watching the path of the glass from the bar to his downing it. "Not really. She tried to kill Fane about, oh... 150 years back? I took it a bit personal. We had one of those come to Jesus talks... meanin' I told her exactly what I'd do if she tried to hurt him again." Faye turned and took a shot of her own, grimacing a bit less than Ephram. "We've got an understandin'. And yeah-" she wiped a finger across her lip. "They do."

Maya was grateful that aside from comment from Fane the conversation hadn't dwelled on her. She rarely wanted to be the center of attention and on those rare occasions wanted it to be for something she had done, not something that had happened to her. "Got a job," Maya replied to River's question, "Helped Iann with a cake-based prank which is probably my favorite kind. What about you?"

Faye ordered another round. "Guess you got a pretty good collection at home though too, hm?" she said lightly, wondering what had prompted him to start drinking before coming down to the place his husband owned.

Fane took the drink fingers wrapping around the stem of the glass as well as picking up the tumbler of whiskey he'd ordered for Ruby. Passing it over to her he cheersed with his drink before taking a sip of the cocktail. The taste washed over his palette and he considered it before glancing to Iann with a smile appearing on his lips. "You know what? Not half bad Cardero."

Ephram snorted at Faye's explanation, saying, "That's the sorter relationship snafu we come up against when we live in a supernatural town, hey?" His gaze was roaming the crowd instead of focusing on Faye, though, alighting briefly on Ruby before moving on again. When she casually slipped in a reference to his home bar, Ephram looked down at her quickly. "A collection?" he repeated, trying to figure out what she was referring to -- his brain lately felt like it was on a tilt-a-whirl -- before inaccurately settling on, "Well, y'know, they both chose it. They chose to try but not really. So here's me doin' my best to keep shit together is all." Ephram reached for another shot, this one getting no reaction.

River smiled. "A job! Nice! Probably better than unloading at the docks, which is what I'm stuck with. Where at?" She picked at the shrimp in front of her, plopping on in her mouth and swallowing it whole. She always used to eat seafood like this, but now was aware of how seal-like it was. "Not much, actually. Same dead leads on my family." She hoped she hadn't made the conversation too heavy.

Iann "Hmmmmmmm," Iann stroked his chin. "Not half-bad, but not whole good, huh? C'mon Savin, get all blood-sommelier on me! I can take it." Iann abandoned the bottle of tequila with Maya, and the large glass, remembering that he shouldn't drink too much more. He didn't want to get (more) obnoxious, since he was the host-guy-whatever. Iann heard River mention 'leads on her family' and he tucked his chin against his shoulder, shamelessly eavesdropping on her conversation with Maya, out of curiousity.

Faye frowned. "Yeah. I s'pose it is." She took her own shot slowly, not noticing his eyes linger on his wife, who Faye didn't even realize was there. "Collection, yeah. As in liquor? Wine? All the above?" She turned her glass upside down on the bar, frowning a bit more. "Who chose what? Honey..." she almost reached to stop him from drinking anything else, but thought better of it. He was grown after all. "What's goin' on?"

Maya shrugged, "At a bakery, so I'm pretty excited." For the moment there wasn't much magical about the bakery she was going to work at, but with time and trust from her employer she hoped to change that. While River's way of eating shrimp was a little different than humans Maya didn't comment on it. Partially because the effects of three shots in a row were starting to take hold. "You know, I don't know if it'll help, but I might know of a few databases you could try. Worth a shot probably."

Fane clicked his tongue lightly a question coming to mind he'd never actually thought of asking before. "Well, I was just wondering whether fae had differing blood types amongst themselves? Not like different species of fae-- But say you got a group of pixies, say, would they all have the same sort of blood or are there different variations? Like human blood y'know? Since human blood tastes different depending on what group you're drinking... Can't say I've ever considered it before now." While he overheard the conversation going on nearby he did't know the other girl talking to Maya and though he kept mild tabs he didn't wish to interrupt.

Ephram shook his head, then moved so that he was leaning his hips against the bar like Faye was. Despite the lack of blood relation, they both had the same faintly guarded, faintly haunted look and unruly blond hair, and looked very much like siblings lined up there. Reaching behind Faye, Ephram picked up and downed another shot, then rumbled, "Ruby and Freddie couldn't git their shit together so I told em they should break up. I mean, it was fuckin' obvious by that point there was no fixin' things, but neither of em would come out and say it."

River cocked her head. "Databases? What do you mean?" She turned away from her plate of shrimp to give Maya her full attention. Her head was a little woozy when she turned, but she righted herself quickly. "All I know are their names, and I don't even know if that's what they're going by anymore."

Ruby took the drink from Fane with a nod of thanks, missing Ephram's eyes on her. He knew she was there, but Ruby didn't need someone holding her hand or keeping her company all night. She was more than happy to spend it by herself, just watching every one else.

Iann had two ears and he made use of them tonight, eavesdropping with one and listening to Fane's question with the other. "They do! We got this pixie blood from a northern clan. They're so small, so I'm pretty sure there isn't too much variation in taste or blood type there, hm? But - " Iann leaned in, raising a finger as he glanced around and then peered at Fane. "- apparently, if you harvest pixie blood when they're happy? It's like ambrosia. If you harvest when they're unhappy, it can be like a vampy poison. So you can't force them to donate....ahhh don't worry, this clan volunteered. But they're so fucking tiny, man. You have to like, harvest only like a quarter pint at a time or else they die." Iann motioned to Fane's drink and then winked at the vampire. "That shit is like fucking saffron."

Maya nodded, "Yeah some friends of mine growing up tried to find their bio parents. I'll send you the info tomorrow." She didn't miss Iann evesdropping next to her. Anyway it was a rather personal conversation to have at a party and Maya wasn't sure River wanted all these people to know. "By the way," Maya said gesturing to the two of them, "This is Fane and Ruby. And this is River." She cracked a grin, "What did I say, give it three rounds and you'll have more friends than you know what to do with."

Faye blinked up at Ephram. "You told 'em? Ain't that... ain't that somethin' two folks oughta figure out on their own? Not meanin' to pry or nothin', but... that ain't exactly fair to you is it? 'Less that's how y'all operate?" Faye took another shot of her own, feeling a little tipsy but not drunk. She didn't quite understand Ephram's relationship, but she'd always stayed out of it for the most part. But she could see it was hurting him. And sorry just didn't seem like the right thing to say. "Wanna go up on the roof and spit on strangers? Might make you feel better..." She tipped her head to his shoulder, looking more like a fifteen year old kid than a forty year old witch.

River nodded, about to speak again, but was cut off by Maya introducing her to other people, which made her acutely aware again of the fact that they were at a party and it wasn't just the two of them. She shot Maya an apologetic look and smiled at Fane and Ruby. "Hi!" she said, a little louder than she realized. "I'm River...wait, she already said that." She cleared her throat.

Fane: "Huh, makes sense. Though you've got different sorts of pixies too so I guess there's gotta be some difference there hm?" There was no helping his interest, Fane was always happy to learn something new and now that he was wondering on the matter he figured Iann was the best person to chat with regarding it than anyone. After all, if Iann didn't know or have some sort of clue then Fane doubted many other people would. "Whereabouts in the North?" Fane queried, but Iann mentioning the happy versus agitated donations was interesting "huh-- Wonder what causes the difference, some sort of magical substance or chemical?" However, his questions were paused as Maya spoke his name causing him to tilt his head to look at her and the other person with her who seemed overly chipper to introduce herself. Fane returned her smile though, offering his hand in greeting "hey there River, pleasure t'meet you darling."

Iann lacked the etiquette to know what was proper social-party talk and what was better broached at a later date. So the moment that Maya brought herself and River into the group where Fane and Ruby were, Iann leaned his back against the bar and stared curiously at River. He asked her directly,, "What happened to your family? Your pod? I heard you say you were looking for them."

Ephram snickered boozily at Faye's suggestion for a mood lifter, resting his cheek against her head as he spun and twisted his empty shot glass in his fingers. "It's how we operate," he agreed. "I'm head of the household. If shit ain't working, I'm the one whose responsibility it is to git it sorted out. Even if that means making a decision that neither of em wanted to make." He balanced the shot glass on the knuckles of his held-out flat hand, then bumped it up into the air and caught it before he fell, more a way to ease idleness than to show any sort of skill. I mean--" Ephram looked at Faye, turning a bit towards her, "--not that it's totally comparable, but din't you ever feel this way with Chris? Like you was the one sorter scramblin' to keep things goin' along a sensible, grown-up path?"

Maya It didn't take a genius to see that manners weren't exactly Iann's thing. When it came to her she didn't mind. Maya had never been big on manners herself. However River was a lot more nervous than she was. "Wooooooow," she said drawing out the vowel, "Just diving right into the deep end, old man."

Fane wasn't really surprised by Iann's behaviour nor his words when he came right on out with what he wanted to know off the bat. As Maya put it, he certainly didn't beat about the bushes and Fane merely took a sip unsure how this was going to play out.

Iann "Yyyeah, but that's different from humans. We don't have sub-species categories, but pixies do. Although you try telling a pixie that," Iann smirked at Fane. "Depending on the pixie, they'll fight you tooth and nail to disassociate themselves from certain species. So xenophobic, those little fuckers!" Iann liked how Fane asked where in the 'North', as if north was a proper noun. So respectful. All Iann could do was grin and say, "Point Roberts. That's just a little shithole town right on the border, nothing, er, too fancy or fantastical. Sometimes clans just chill in one place...maybe that's why they were able to carry on a blood-tapping tradition over generations of pixies. They're our best best for distribution."

Iann protested, making a motion at River. "She brought it up! River, you can tell me to fuck off if you want," he assured the selkie with a smile. "It wouldn't be the first or last time, ha!"

River shook Fane's hand, and when she pulled back, she was shot with Ian's question. Maya interjected, and River body lanuaged suddenly closed a bit. However, her buzz swimming in her head had different plans. "They got hunted. Scattered. Some are dead and I can't find some others. Mainly my folks." She tried to be a little quiet so only Iann and Maya could hear her, but didn't know how well she was pulling that off.

Faye hummed a bit as Ephram explained, though he turned down her offer of using strangers on the street as target practice. She watched, impressed with his trick that wasn't a trick. "A little. Well... okay, a lot, especially there at the end. He just sorta... checked out. Though if I'm honest it was like that with him from the moment we met. I was the grown up - which is sayin' somethin' - and he was..." Faye waved a hand. "Whatevver he was. Though Chris never cared much for how I felt 'bout things. That's what got wearin'. Just... bein' invisible. And then when I wasn't, it was like I was... a joke." She rubbed his arm soothingly. "You told either of 'em how you're feelin'?"

Maya let River say whatever she was comfortable with. It was her story to tell after all. Her eyes never left Iann though, watching to see if he was going to push the selkie farther than she wanted to go.

Iann Being surrounded by supernaturals with heightened hearing made River's quiet tone somewhat redundant, but there was ambient noise, and Fane was polite as hell so Iann doubted the vampire would eavesdrop as rudely as Iann had. "Well fuck, River..." Iann said, facing something of a conundrum. He was itching to know more, dig deeper into River's situation, just to see if there were any answers that lay at the end of the selkie's search. At the same time - dammit - he wasn't really in that business anymore, was he? "Scattered near Soapberry, you think? Is that why you came to town?" Iann glanced at Maya, but clearly the witch was familiar with River's current plight.

Ephram pressed his lips together and shook his head once, firmly. "That ain't an option," he said, turning and crossing his arms on the bar top. "Like I said, it ain't just the same as you and Chris -- Ruby and Freddie don't get on like they got no brain in their heads and they don't make me feel like a joke -- but the both of em don't /get/ how this works with folks you love. How it's wearing on everbody, not just them." Ephram kept on playing with the shot glass, his movements getting sharper and more rapid. "And it ain't like they're being inconsiderate, it's more like ... they git scared when there's disagreements. Wild scared. More'n they need to be."

Ruby smiled around the rim of her glass at River, standing on the periphery and listening to the ongoing conversation. Iann was loud as ever, and Ruby thought he might be a little drunk,but she didn't know him well enough to say. River's story, however, had her full attention, turning her stomach a bit at the thought. Ruby didn't like violence, or the talk of it, so she moved back off to her original seat in the corner, slowly draining her glass.

River shrugged. "Originally, yeah, but it's been 17 years. Who knows where they are." Ian sure was nosey. "Were you a detective in a past life or something?" She said with a small chuckle.

Fane "Well isn't that most fae generally?" he questioned, not to say all fairies were inclined to fight you for disagreeing with them but they all seemed very... set in their ways and resistant to change from what he'd experienced. Fane merely echoed Iann's term because he didn't exactly have any location to narrow 'North' down to. Even so, River's story soon took focus and Fane quietened as he listened occasionally sipping his drink as he stood there.

Maya relaxed a little when it seemed that River didn't mind answering. Since Iann had left the bottle with her she poured herself another shot. Sometimes at parties this big she got a little overwhelmed. It was hard to keep track of everything and if she couldn't keep track of everything she might not notice 'him' walking through the door. That was supposed to be impossible now, but her gut hadn't caught up with her brain. She downed the shot easily before turning back to track the conversation.

Faye chewed her lip a bit, listening intently as Ephram spoke. "Why ain't it though? If they're scared..." She turned and mirrored his position. "And you know they are... know /why/ they are... then why not just be honest? Takin' into account what you know about the both of 'em?" Faye didn't want or need Ephram to explain the more personal side of things, things that weren't hers to know. But she knew that not speaking up, holding things in, wasn't healthy. But she thought maybe she understood. At least his partners weren't idiots, and at least he felt wanted and respected. But still... "They know you're scared too?" she observed over the click of the shot glass on the table.

Iann "Isn't what most fae, generally?" Iann asked, not realizing what part of the conversation Fane was referencing. But he could see in Fane's expression that he had heard River's tale as well, and Iann gave Fane a little nudge, like a 'to be continued' assurance before he squinted at River. He was indeed nosey, and would ask questions so long as the other person was willing to answer. "Seventeen years! Oh damn - you are, like, 21 right River? Human-21," Iann clarified, since sometimes selkies counted age in different ways. "No, I think Fane's here more qualified as a detective than I am. He found the actual Jack the Ripper," Iann thumbed towards Fane. "The actual serial killer, can you believe it?! I'm just some guy..." Iann tapped a finger against the counter in thought. "What've you tried so far, River?"

Fane glanced down slightly as Iann promoted his past accolades to the group "I'd argue that dealing with one rogue vampire hardly qualifies me as a detective..." Fane would never claim that title, now or ever. "Plus that was a long time ago. But yes, Iann's some guy who just happens to be super nosy" the remark wasn't made to be unkind it was simply a truthful fact that everyone present knew or had come to realise already.

Ephram was starting to get the mutinous look on his face, though, that anybody who'd dealt with him for a period of time would recognize. Where he'd dug in his heels on some decision or habit and wasn't willing to adjust at all. "I'm honest, don't think I ain't honest. We all know how each other feel. Ain't nowhere else to go with it, really. Just..." Ephram straightened, stepping even closer to Faye, fixing her with an urgent stare. "I don't feel like I can tell nobody this because it ain't productive or even fair, but I feel so fuckin' /resentful/ of the both of em, lettin' shit get to this extent." He looked stricken immediately, guilt clouding his blue eyes.

River snorted a little at the question. "Yes, I'm 23. Don't worry." She started to feel a little weird. It seemed Iann was well meaning, but at the same time, she was slightly on edge now. It was always in the back of her mind that maybe who she was talking to was really trying to find the rest of her family before her so they could finish the job. "Not much, just asking around. Nobody knows anything so far. I'm more trying to get settled in town right now." She unbuttoned her suit jacket and started to run her red tie in her hands nervously.

Iann Wouldn't consider himself well-meaning...not exactly, anyway. So when he saw River start to pet her red tie like her life depended on it, he smiled, crookedly. Iann glanced over at Fane, then Maya, then reached over River to grab a couple more shrimp. "You're in the best town to amp up your search, kid," Iann said, allaying any further questions, for now. He neatly tucked the shrimp into his mouth and then talked around them, "Now show me how you did that whole...swallowing shrimp whole trick. I'm trying to improve my gag reflex."

Maya noticed River starting to fidget with her tie. She took that as a sign it was time to change subjects. It seemed though that Iann noticed too. Maya couldn't help but snort as he talked through a mouthful of shrimp. "Alright, that's my cue to leave and get some air because I want no part of you deepthroating shrimp."

Faye saw the look for what it was, and grew a bit more concerned as he stepped closer. "Hey, now. Don't," she said gently but with a firm undertone. "Nothin' you're feelin' is wrong, understand? Don't feel guilty for that..." Faye scooped her hand around his arm and tugged him towards the opposite end of the bar, unobtrusively, where there was more breathing room. "Honey... I can't imagine what it's like to love more than one person," she said. "It's hard enough lovin' one. But you got enough inside you to handle it. But Ephram... resentment can easily breed hatred. Trust me on this. I ain't sayin' it's wrong to feel it - god knows how hard makin' that decision must've been for you - but lettin' that feelin' eat at you, it's like... acid. It eats right down through everythin' that's good, everythin' that cares... everythin' that loves. And we end up like... hollows." She searched his eyes, full of guilt and something wild and scared of his own. "You ain't hollow, baby. They know you love 'em, right? And vice versa? So tell 'em, if it's what you feel's right. Take that weight off so you can all move forwards."

Maya laughed, "I don't mind how she eats. I just think watching you learn how to do its going to be gross." She poured herself another shot, "But fine I'll stay." The alcohol was starting to help with her anxiousness, letting her power down her brain for a little while.

Iann "It'll definitely be gross," Iann agreed, letting River try to teach him, with incredibly mixed results. He didn't actually try - he didn't want to choke and cause a rather stupid scene - it was mostly just for the dumb fun of pretending to try. Once River had to drift off, Iann looked over at Maya, then the tequila bottle. "You want more?"

Maya It wasn't as bad as she thought it was. Still the roomful of strangers was starting to get to her. Once River had wandered off and Iann offered her more tequila she shook her head, "No, I should probably get some air." She had started fidgeting with the rings on her fingers without even noticing. "Actually, you know what, hit me one more," she said, grabbing the salt shaker again

Ephram dragged his feet along the floor as he went with Faye, letting her big-sister him with an eagerness he couldn't hide. "I knoooow," he moaned petulantly when she spoke about resentment and its sticky path. "I know that. I hate feelin' it but it won't last, that I know for sure. So what good would it do to bring it up and upset em both when it's only a passing thing?" Ephram dragged a tray of canapes closer and started mindlessly munching them down so the fat could soak up the liquor he had poured into himself. "I mean yeah, honesty, I'm its number one fan, but then there's also knowin' when to bide your time." He got himself a glass of seltzer water as well, nursing it sadly and murmuring against the rim, "They's both so fragile right now. Even if I agreed that I should talk bout it with em, now wouldn't be the time."

Iann "Hold up, come with me," Iann said, grabbing the bottle of tequila and heading out of the bar. He smacked the elevator button. "It's not to a suite, don't worry," he reassured her first, motioning for her to get into the elevator first. "It's to my lair! Mwahahah... oh wait you're not in the elevator yet. Pretend you didn't hear that yet."

Maya followed Iann from the bar because what other choice did she have he had taken the liquor with him. It was a little suspicious that he ushered her into the elevator first. But his comment about going to his lair actually reassured her a little. No one announced their lair. "Okay if try to murder me I'm going to be really pissed," she replied, getting onto the elevator.

Iann "Punching power, remember?" Iann said, referencing their van ride back to Maya's hotel, after the mole-man incident. He took them to the bistro level, which was closed right now although the kitchen still seemed to be busy and awake. But Iann steered Maya out to the covered terrace. It was pouring rain outside, but Iann switched on the outdoor heaters, positioning Maya near one as he took a swig from the bottle of tequila before handing it over to the witch. He pointed. "The ocean's out there. You can...kind of see it." It was all black and misty right now, during the rain."

Faye: "You could be right," Faye agreed. "Best not to call up trouble where there ain't none. But long as you keep on knowin' it. Keep it right here-" She tapped his forehead with her finger. "Where you can't ever let it slip away, hm? Until it's /time/ to let it go." Faye knew Ephram was used to running that gamut of emotional distress from sucking depression to anxiety-induced fear and anger. And she'd never blame him for any of it. They all coped in their own way. She leaned against the bar, watching as he started eating. "Also true," she said of honesty. "So maybe there's a happy medium there? Not right now, while things're so... fragile," she said, using his own words back at him since she didn't know a better way to describe it. "But later, when they're stronger? You know it all best, which ain't me blowin' smoke up your rear; it's the truth." She reached up to press his hair out of his eyes where it was starting to become flyaway. "You can always come an' tell me about it, besides. Get it off your chest at least." She looked at him fondly, thinking he looked like a pouting twelve year old right then and wanting to hug him. "This too shall pass right," she murmured softly, still brushing at his hair.

Maya "Exactly," she replied with a half smile. Shortly they arrived not at a lair, but at what looked like a bistro. Although it might've been a very bizarrely designed liar, to be fair. Iann guided her out to the terrace where all she could hear was the sound of rain on the roof and the low hum of conversation. She took a deep breath. When offered she took the bottle from him, but instead of taking a swig her fingers played with the wrapper. After five shots in pretty short succession it was probably a better move. "Thanks," she said with a soft smile when Iann pointed out the ocean or at least it was probably the ocean she couldn't really see it at the moment.

Iann "De nada," Iann said, shoving his hands in his pockets and staring out towards the ocean for a few long moments. "Well kid - elevator's there where you came from. Don't steal the silverware and absolutely do not disturb the kitchen staff. They're already hideously overworked and underpaid as it is. Practically oompa loompas." Iann hummed under his breath for a moment and then nodded. "Come down whenever you're ready, hm?" he said, turning to leave.

Maya laughed softly, "You know that just makes me want to steal your silverware." She wouldn't though because it was nice of him to notice and nice of him to bring her here. "I'll be down in a bit. Try not to get into too much trouble old man," she said, glancing back at him, "I'll be down in a bit."

Iann paused. "I mean - I mean if you do, just tell me, alright?" Iann wouldn't stop her if she decided to steal, though. Why would he? He'd stolen silverware before. Now he was the guy with the silverware, it was weird. "So that I can replace what's missing, and the servers don't get yelled at by their boss. Don't let servers get yelled at, Maya, they're already overworked and underpaid, remember." Iann gave her a deadpan look, then headed into the kitchen to check on things there. He headed back down afterwards, enjoying his own spot of quiet while fully immersed in the din and noise of the party.

Ephram belatedly realized he'd polished off the entire platter of appetizers and switched it for a new one, his appetite building. "The thing is," he said, more surely, "that I'm in a pretty good place right now, better'n either of them. I /know/ they both love me, I'm happy with my job, this--" he swept his hand to encompass the bar, "is the first time I had this much to drink in donkey years. And I don't intend to make it somethang I do on the regular." Ephram pensively licked crumbs of pastry from his fingertips, saying, "They changed me for the better. Made me more resilient and not so much easy to plunge back into the dark that I come from. So what's my holdin' my tongue on this one thing? It's all a give-and-take." A little bolstered by this out-loud analysis, Ephram smiled and turned his face into Faye's gentle brush, murmuring, "This did feel real good, though, talkin' with you bout things. I'm glad as hell we ain't in a fight no more."

Freddie watched the bar at a distance, safely ensconced at a table in the corner with Ollie, grateful that reinforcements had arrived and he was no longer expected to bartend. Not that he’d /minded/ exactly - for Alia, he'd been quite happy to make the effort - it was just that, as the night had worn on, the more mercurial aspects of his attention span, and his natural aversion to ‘work’, had started to tug at him, and Freddie had felt the need to drift. He just hadn’t drifted very far, was all. Taking a seat in the back of the lounge and watching the guests, idly toying with the idea of picking the pockets of the people he wasn’t immediately acquainted with (and maybe a few of the ones that he was), Freddie watched Ephram talking to Faye, not liking the look on his husband’s face and reasonably certain he could guess what had put it there. Watched Ruby as she chatted her way through the party, missing her and hoping to avoid her all at once; and watched Iann being Iann, and smiled. As parties went, he thought, in spite of his own little collection of reasons for feeling out of sorts, this one could certainly be worse. Stonefruit had done rather well for itself overall - even though that bloody wedding cake was an absolute eyesore.

Maya After a few minutes Maya felt calmer. The label of the tequila bottle was a little worse for wear, but she was feeling better. With a deep breath she got into the elevator and headed back down to the party. Not seeing anyone she recognized exactly for Iann she made her way towards him. "Don't you like own this place?" she asked

Iann Iann saw Freddie when he came back down, and looked at him for a long while, waiting for Freddie to catch his eye in return. Just a shift of expression - something to ask, 'everything good?' and waiting for Freddie's confirmation, before he nodded that he was doing well as well. The party was getting quieter though, especially now that the birthday ladies had taken their leave, up to one of the suites upstairs. He heard Maya's voice piping up at his side and he looked down at her. "I - what? No, I don't own this place, do I look like I could own anything but a '78 Westfalia? I just work here. The bosses trust me with everything because I'm trustworthy and shit."

Maya "Oh, nevermind then," Maya replied with a wave of her hand. She didn't remember where she thought she had heard he was a part owner. Maybe that wasn't what the person had said. To be fair she was a little drunk.

Iann "What, what? Nevermind what?" Iann said, suddenly needing to know.

Maya "I was just going to say that if you owned the place then your servers don't have to be underpaid," she replied with a shrug as she looked out over the party, "Working at a server in a hotel sucks. Doesn't need to suck more by not being paid enough."

Iann "Really?" Iann tilted his head and tapped his finger against his lip. "Tell me more, about this 'working' and 'not being paid enough'. I've never heard of such odd terms. They sound rather gauche to me."

Maya rolled her eyes, "Oh fuck off." She said it without any real malice in her voice. "Mr. All I Own is '78 Westfalia, you've worked before. Apperently you're trustworthy and shit."

Iann "Apparently? According to who? I'm not going to stand for that sort of slander, I have to set them straight. As for the bosses I work for, I'm afraid there's nothing I can do. They're the worst, they're terrible bosses, honestly. I wish I could quit, but..." Iann sighed and folded his hands in front of him. "Where else would I go? It's a small town."

Faye slid onto the stool next to him, reaching for one of the little appetizers herself, but nibbling on hers instead of sticking it in her mouth whole as Ephram did. She listened as he worked out the particulars, glad that he seemed to be righting himself a bit now that he'd eased some things off his chest. She propped her head on her hand, smiling at him softly. "You got a real good thing goin'," she agreed. "An' I see you... round town. Smilin' at folks, tippin' your hat. You look happy. Settled even. An' if they helped you find all that, then I love both of 'em for it, to the end o' my days. Even Freddie." The last was said in light humor, Faye's relationship with the fairy a bit like the equivalent of oil and water; they just didn't mix. And Faye understood. It didn't mean that she couldn't appreciate the man - prickly, brooding ass that he was - for making Ephram happy. For making him stronger. And yes, for keeping him alive. Ruby too. She pulled his head down so she could kiss his forehead. "Me too, darlin'. Me too..."

Maya "You said it like two seconds ago," she replied with a laugh. She couldn't decide if she was not drunk enough or too drunk for this kind of conversation. Deciding on not drunk enough she took another swig from the tequila bottle.

Iann "You're drunk! You better not be walking home, Maya." Since the party was dwindling and the staff were all starting to clean up now (Freddie very expertly and efficiently guiding them, and glamouring a lot of the mess into easily disposable things), Iann motioned. "C'mon, let me drive you home." He went out to the front lobby, fetching his van keys from a little safe, and he smiled at Maya. "For the record, kid - I am one of the owners. And all that stuff about overworked and underpaid was meant to be a joke."

Maya "Yeah and?" Maya asked. While she might never admit it she was grateful for the ride because otherwise she was going to have to walk. She smiled a little sleepily when Iann said he was one of the owners and that he didn't underpay his staff. "Good," she replied, "Just wanted to make sure." On the ride back to the motel Maya was quiet. Only when she got out did she smile and say, "Thanks, you're a good guy Iann. Sorry I threatened to steal your van. And a mattress. And your silverware."

[soldierstark]

Why Am I Like This | Part 3 | JUGHEAD JONES X READER

Description: Archie continues to bagger Jughead about his feelings for the reader hoping he'll realize it will be better in the long run if she knows. Later in the day, Jughead comes home to see Archie and the reader asleep next to each other after they fell asleep practicing for their upcoming performance at the homecoming dance which leads to an interesting event between him and the reader.

Word Count: 1758

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 4 | Part 5

Jughead was starting to see the effects of Homecoming week all around Riverdale high. Banners were being hung up in hallways, girls were dressing up nicer trying to get last minute dates, and new relationships were getting formed every day.

It made Jughead sick to his stomach with longing. The whole feeling was new to him, he had never longed to be able to hold a girl’s hand in the hallway or be the reason a girl smiles filled with love. But things were different this year, for the first time he wanted to be able hold a girl’s hand in the hallway or make her smile filled with love.

Things were getting easier though, now that Archie knew of his un-denying affection for (Y/N) Jughead finally had someone to vent too. It was better than keeping it all bottled up or writing about it on his computer, he had learned his lesson.

Jughead stared out of the window as Archie drove them to school, taking the scenic route. Trees blurred by along with the occasional runner, not another car in sight. Out of nowhere, Archie started slowing down causing Jughead to lurch forward.

Archie pressed a button and the window next to Jughead’s face rolled down. The car continued to slow until they ended up traveling next to a familiar (Y/H/C) girl.

(Y/N)’s hair was plastered to her face with sweat but she still managed to look amazing. No one could rock running shorts and a pull over Nike jacket quite like she did. She was deep in thought and didn’t even notice that Jughead and Archie were driving alongside her.

Jughead cleared his throat. “Damn shawty you looking fine this morning. Wanna give me yo digits?” (Y/N) whipped her head around and smiled brightly when she saw her friends.

“Hey guys what’s up?” she said between labored breathes. (Y/N) grabbed onto the window next to Jughead to keep pace with the car.

“We’re heading school obviously. Where else would be going on a Tuesday at 7:45,” Archie deadpanned. (Y/N) rolled her eyes and let out a dry chuckle. “I just wanted to stop and ask if we were still on tonight,” Archie said.

She nodded her head. “Yea I’ll meet you around 7:00. Hey, any of ya’ll nerds got some water?”

Jughead reached down by his feet and grabbed a water bottle from the side pocket of his backpack. He stuck his hand out of the window and handed to (Y/N) who started drinking it thankfully. “Thanks Jug. What would I ever do without you?” she gasped out giving back the bottle

 “You’d probably denigrate into a pile of dust,” he quipped with a charming smile.

(Y/N)’s cheeks splurged a tinge of pink but Jughead didn’t think anything of it. “How far are we from the school?” she asked.

Archie shrugged his shoulders. “2 and a half miles give or take.”

“Alright,” she replied backing away from the car. “I don’t want to make ya’ll late. I’ll try to meet you guys by Archie’s locker before I head to the showers during 1st period. See you in like 12 minutes.”

“Peace homie,” Archie waved before pressing the gas. Once they reached cruising speed, Jughead took a swig from his water bottle. Archie laughed.

“What,” Jughead asked suspiciously.

“You basically just kissed (Y/N) Jughead. How do you feel having finally kissed the girl of your dreams?”

Jughead sighed dramatically and went back to staring out the passenger side window. “Freaking fantastic Archie just great,” he mumbled.

“Honestly Jughead, you really need to just tell her. (Y/N) a babe dude and it’s not gonna be long until some other guy comes along and steals her heart. Don’t miss your chance.”

“You mean like Matthew Jackson?” Jughead spat.

“Oh did I not tell you? Yea that’s not happening. She turned him down,” Archie said whilst turning into the school parking lot.

Jughead sat up straight and looked at Archie in disbelief. “Really? Why?”

Archie chuckled at his friend’s enthusiasm. “She said that dances weren’t really her thing and that she’d only go if the guy she liked asked her. Plus he isn’t her type apparently.”

“The tragedy continues. First she doesn’t like me back and now she likes someone else.”

Archie groaned as he pulled into a parking spot. “You don’t know that for sure. For all we know the guy she likes could be you! Which is why you need to tell (Y/N) that you like her.”

“What if I tell her and she actually doesn’t like me back? Huh? She might not to even be friends after that.”

Archie cut the engine to his car and looked at his best friend. “I know you don’t want to hear me say this Jughead, but at this point I think that’s a risk you’re just gonna have to take.” And with that Archie exited his car.

  “What the fuck?”

A deep throaty groan erupted from my mouth as I sat up straight rubbing my eyes dazedly.  I opened my eyes and looked around noticing that I was not in my room and that Jughead was in the doorway staring at me with an expression I couldn’t quite decipher.

“Hey Jug what’s up,” I said with a yawn.

He walked into the room and sat his backpack down near the door. “I was just about to ask you the same question. Why are you and Archie taking a nap together?”

I looked down where I was sitting and saw Archie Andrews passed out next to me gripping his guitar loosely. The notebook we wrote our song notes in was under my right leg.

“Oh I guess we must’ve fallen asleep practicing,” I said looking back up at Jughead who I swear was getting more and more attractive every time I saw him.

His blue eyes that were usually a light blue were darker and his lips were pressed into a fine line. We started at each other for a moment in complete silence.

“You look mad. Why?” I asked standing up off of Archie’s bed.

Jughead crossed his arms. “I’m not mad.”

“Uh huh,” I replied with a raised eyebrow. “Whatever I’m not gonna push it but I guess I should get going. I don’t think Archie and I are gonna get much practice in today.”

Jughead sat down on his makeshift bed and looked up at me. “You can stay if you want. We have video games and junk food plus Archie is a really heavy sleeper. Trust me, he won’t wake up.”

I smiled at sat down to him, our shoulders touching. “Well how could I possibly say no to spending time with my favorite person in all of Riverdale.”

He stuck out his bottom lip giving me pouty face. “Not the whole world?”

I grabbed the X-box remotes and handed him one with a smirk. “You know Percy Jackson will always hold the key to my heart.”

Jughead chuckled and looked up at the TV setting up the game we were playing. “So he’s your type then?”

“What do you mean?” I asked glancing away from the game we were playing for a split second.

“Archie told me that you turned down Matthew Jackson because he wasn’t your type.”

“He did, did he? Well yes Matthew Jackson isn’t my type but I didn’t turn him down for that sole reason,” I replied.

Jughead nodded his head in my peripheral vision. “I know, he filled me in,” he said dryly. “What is your type anyway?”

"Wouldn’t you like to know,” I laughed bumping my shoulder against his playfully.

“(Y/N) you messed me up! But yes actually I would like know.”

“Well,” I trailed off. “Most guys I find attractive have really light colored eyes and long dark hair. Not like, man bun long, but longer than normal you know? He needs to have the same sense of humor that I do and be able to accept the fact that I would totally destroy him in a fight.”

“And the guy you like fits this description?”

A noise came out of the TV signaling the end of our match, which I had won. I dropped my controller in my lap and turned my head towards Jughead. We were sitting leg to leg, shoulder to shoulder. My skin tingled at the contact, making me want to shiver though I wasn’t cold.  

He turned to look at me, his crystal blue eyes a mere 3 inches away. We were so close that I could see every freckle adorned on his face like constellations. My lips parted involuntarily as we continued to stare at each other in utter silence. Our breath mingled together while a faint pink tinge appeared on Jughead’s cheeks.

“Perfectly,” I whispered, answering his earlier question.

Neither of dare move an inch though I really wanted to. It was taking every ounce of will power I had to not shove Jughead against his bed and make out with him like a crazy hormonal teenager. Which is ironic because that’s pretty much exactly what I was.

Jughead reached a hand up, tantalizingly slow. My heart pounded in my chest, thumping like the erratic fire of a machine gun. His fingers gently brushed a piece of my (Y/H/C) hair behind my ear then cupped my cheek. I leaned into his touch not once breaking eye contact, enjoying the sensation of his thumb stroking my cheek.

His head started to move closer while his eyelids fluttered closed. Jughead’s hand gently pulled my face towards his and I gladly complied. I tilted my to the side and closed my eyes, anticipating the pressure of his soft lips against mine in a way that I knew would feel oh so good.

And at that very moment, right when Jughead and I were about to kiss, Archie awoke with a start and fell off of his bed. Jughead and I sprung apart with wide eyes and looked down at Archie who was laying on the floor in a heap of blankets.

“What the hell?” he mumbled in a rough voice. Archie opened his eyes looking quite disoriented, then sat up rubbing his head.

“Good morning sunshine,” I cooed trying to seem nonchalant.

Archie lifted his guitar that fell on the floor next to him and placed it on his bed. “Did I fall asleep practicing?”

“We did,” I corrected him while standing up. “I’m gonna head out. See you guys tomorrow.”

And on that I note I exited the room swiftly not once looking back.

Tagged: @kitkat510

[asfeedin]

The 50 Best Shows on Hulu Right Now (April 2020)

Last update: April 25, 2020.

Streaming TV is not a new concept, but its popularity is at an all-time high. Thanks to the wonder of on-demand viewing, fans of most TV series need not worry about catching their favorite show when it airs, or even setting up their DVR. To help you sort through the massive vault that is Hulu’s library, we’ve put together a list of the best shows on the streaming service for April. From comedies to animated classics, we cover it all.

Further reading

Nathan for You

Life is tough for small business owners, but if your business is struggling, there’s one man you can turn to for help: Nathan Fielder (playing a fictional version of himself), a consultant with a metaphorical briefcase full of bizarre marketing ideas and social anxiety. When an ordinary business owner finds themselves in a tricky situation, Fielder strolls into their lives like an awkward Rumpelstiltskin, ready to solve their problem in some bizarre way. Nathan For You is a brilliant mockumentary, with Nathan’s outlandish marketing stunts confusing the ordinary folk entangled in them — his parody coffee shop Dumb Starbucks even made international news!

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Letterkenny

Set in the remote, rural town of Letterkenny (populated, the show tells us, entirely by hicks, skids, hockey players, and Christians), Jared Keeso’s comedy Letterkenny follows a group of hicks: Wayne (Keeso), his friend Daryl (Nathan Dales), Katy (Michelle Mylett), and Squirrelly Dan (K. Trevor Wilson), as well as a pair of hockey players, Reilly (Dylan Playfair) and Jonesy (Andrew Herr), with whom Katy has a three-way relationship. The show revolves around their lives and encounters with the other eccentrics in the town. It’s a show deeply rooted in Canadian culture, with heavy use of slang, but even those unfamiliar with the vernacular will quickly come to appreciate the show’s deadpan wit.

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Catch-22

Adapting a great work of literature, particularly one as stylish as Joseph Heller’s Catch-22, is a daunting task, but George Clooney and company managed to do it, more or less successfully, in this four-part miniseries. Set during World War II, Catch-22 follows Yossarian (Christopher Abbott), an American bombardier desperate to get out of the war. He wants to take advantage of the military’s policy of discharging any soldier on the basis of insanity. Unfortunately, Yossarian’s desire to get discharged for insanity is stifled by the military’s Catch-22 clause: Anyone who is crazy can ask to be discharged, but anyone asking to be discharged is clearly thinking rationally. So Yossarian keeps flying missions, and his superiors keep raising the number of missions required to end the war, and the war seems no closer to ending. Catch-22 is a darkly hilarious examination of the horrors of bureaucracy (and war), with a brilliant cast including — along with Abbott — George Clooney, Kyle Chandler, Hugh Laurie, and Julie Ann Emery.

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Ramy

The streaming world is awash in introspective, character-driven comedies, and while Ramy’s format will feel familiar, it adds a new wrinkle. The eponymous character (played by comedian Ramy Youssef) isn’t just a millennial dealing with the awkward ups and downs of work and dating in the 21st century. He’s also Muslim and trying to lead a moral life in amoral times. Ramy wades in ambiguities and its protagonist’s hypocrisies and hang-ups — he’s uncomfortable kissing a Muslim woman on their first date, but fine hooking up with non-Muslims, for which the former chews him out. It’s a show with a unique perspective and a willingness to present its characters in an unflattering light.

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The Venture Bros.

Adult Swim’s long-running (the series has been running off and on since 2003) dark comedy The Venture Bros. is a hilarious, occasionally depressing exploration of failure and legacies, set in a world full of colorful characters. Originally built as a parody of ‘60s adventure shows like Jonny Quest, The Venture Bros. focuses on Dr. Rusty Venture (James Urbaniak), a once-famous boy adventurer who grew up to be a failed scientist and owner of his father’s company, as well as his two sons, Hank (Christopher McCulloch) and Dean (Michael Sinterniklaas), and their bodyguard, secret agent/bulky murder machine Brock Samson (Patrick Warburton). The show follows the family through various adventures and schemes, flitting through various genres and story structures. The humor is weird but often brilliant — one particularly strange episode reimagines the Scooby gang as a bunch of drug-addled fiends — but what truly stands out about the show is how it has built a vast world full of recurring, oddball characters whose relationships evolve over time.

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Atlanta

Donald Glover is a modern Renaissance man: Since launching a comedy career via skits circulated on YouTube, he has since branched into rapping, acting, and even showrunning, with the remarkable, surreal comedy-drama Atlanta. The show follows a dogged college dropout named Earn (Glover), who sleeps at his on/off-again girlfriend’s place and struggles to provide for their child. When he learns that his cousin Alfred is starting to achieve success as a rapper — stage name: Paper Boi — Earn becomes his manager. There is not much of an overarching plot to Atlanta. Most episodes play out like short films, and the show experiments with a variety of stories and formats — one standout episode is presented entirely as an episode of a local interview show, complete with fake commercials. Daring and frequently poignant, Atlanta is one of the most exciting shows on TV today.

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The Bisexual

Desiree Akhavan’s The Bisexual is a character study of a bisexual woman, Leila (Akhavan), who breaks up with her older girlfriend after the latter proposes marriage. Leila moves in with a writer, Gabe (Brian Gleeson), and sets about trying to explore relationships with men, with sometimes awkward results. Leila must navigate not just relationships with men, but her friendships with the lesbian women she’s spent years associating with, who aren’t sure what to make of her now. It’s a complicated, emotionally honest examination of sexuality, with a complex cast of characters and a deft balance of humor of drama.

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PEN15

These days, coming-of-age stories are a dime a dozen, but few of them are as novel — or cringeworthy — as PEN15. Co-creators Maya Erskine and Anna Konkle star as 13-year-old versions of themselves, allowing the series to address topics and situations many would consider taboo if performed by younger lead actors. The two find their footing in hormone-fueled incidents involving masturbation and AOL Instant Messenger, not to mention everyday encounters with parents, principals, and the kind of insult-spewing preteens you can expect to find at any middle school. It’s all served with a heavy dose of ’90s-inspired nostalgia, meaning if the show’s no-holds-barred look at adolescence isn’t enough, perhaps the constant references to the Spice Girls will be.

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Better Things

The age of the subversive sitcom continues with Better Things, a dark, caustic comedy about growing older and raising kids. The show follows Sam Fox (Pamela Adlon), a struggling actress raising three kids by herself in Los Angeles. Sam juggles her attempts to advance her career and have fun with her responsibility to her daughters, each of whom presents their own unique difficulties. Adlon and co-creator Louis C.K. previously worked on the surreal comedy-drama Louie, and Better Things shows a similar mean streak, narrowing in on the grimy, depressing aspects of parenthood that other sitcoms gloss over.

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The Last Man on Earth

Most people probably don’t consider the end of the world to be a hilarious scenario; thankfully, the creators of The Last Man on Earth were not deterred. The show finds humor in the apocalypse, following a man named Phil Miller (Will Forte), who wanders the ghost town of Tuscon after a viral outbreak destroys civilization. He eventually finds a companion, Carol Pilbasian (Kristen Schaal), but their personality quirks make life together problematic, to say the least. The Last Man on Earth is a strange show, and also a sharply written one, rendering it the kind of ambitious sitcom that only rarely comes along.

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Shrill

Comedian Aidy Bryant is, arguably, one of the best things about the current crop of Saturday Night Live performers. As such, it was only a matter of time before she found herself a proper show, one that riffs on her particular skill set and brand of humor. Shrill is that show. It’s based on author Lindy West’s 2016 memoir of the same name and is a biting take on what it means to be overweight, awkward, and a woman in a society that doesn’t always take kindly to any of the aforementioned traits. Needless to say, Bryant’s on-screen career as a struggling journalist is just the springboard for the show’s larger commentary.

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Key & Peele

Great sketch shows have been in short supply for a while now, which makes it all the easier to appreciate the short but brilliant life of Key & Peele. Starring former MADtv members Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele, the show is an adventurous collection of sketches that blend absurdist humor and social commentary. See, for example, a skit in which white news anchors complain about the dangers of “black ice” on the streets at night, to the indignation of their black colleagues. Not every sketch is political, however; sometimes they just freak out about the latest Liam Neeson film. Both hosts bring manic energy and throw themselves fully into a variety of roles.

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Man Seeking Woman

Following a breakup with his long-term girlfriend, Josh Greenberg (Jay Baruchel) needs to rebound … badly. Man Seeking Woman chronicles his adventures in dating, which involve, among other things, dating a troll, attending a wedding in Hell, and fiddling with the space-time continuum in an attempt to fix relationship mistakes. The show explores common aspects of life and dating through surreal scenes; an episode where Josh is tempted to cheat on a current girlfriend, for example, finds him taking a trip to “boyfriend court” in his mind. The show’s absurdist sense of humor at times makes it seem like a live-action cartoon, but the tone is balanced out by nuanced characters and some great performances. Baruchel is excellent as the somewhat charming, sometimes petulant Josh, and other characters — such as Josh’s best friend, Mike (Eric Andre), and sister, Liz (Britt Lower) — add memorable performances of their own.

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It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

What South Park is to late-night animation, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is to sitcoms. Rob McElhenney, Glen Howerton, and Charlie Day — who also created and write the show — star as three best friends who kind of hate each other, while Kaitlin Olson and Danny DeVito round out the cast as the infamous Dee and Frank. The group often finds itself in some of the most absurd situations as the members push into the uncharted and irreverent comedic territory for which the show is well known, usually as a result of their own botched schemes.

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Community

Community has seen its fair share of ups and downs while on NBC but this Dan Harmon comedy is one of the funniest shows on TV — its first three seasons were, at least. The show centers around a group of newly acquainted friends who attend a blunder of a community college. Joel McHale, Chevy Chase, and Donald Glover headline this hilarious show while Jim Rash’s turn as the dean is as funny as any character on TV. It’s no longer on the airwaves, but Yahoo recently picked up the show for an online-only sixth season.

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Adventure Time

Cartoon Network’s Adventure Time has amassed a huge audience over its six-season run, one that crosses over into numerous demographics, making it a contemporary classic for adults and kids alike. The stories of best friends Jake and Finn in the magical Land of Ooo are a joy to watch. Whether the duo is protecting the land from the evil (and misunderstood) Ice King or helping a young Vampire navigate her family life, Adventure Time captures a sense of adventure and fun, while providing a subtle maturity that speaks to older audiences.

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Parks and Recreation

Fans of NBC’s other workplace comedy, The Office, will no doubt see some similarities in Parks and Recreation. Amy Poehler heads a hilarious cast comprised of comedian Aziz Ansari, Nick Offerman, and Chris Pratt. The show follows this cast of characters as they run the parks and recreation department in the small town of Pawnee, Indiana. The writing and comedic timing are superb as Parks is a bonafide hit and features some of modern television’s most memorable characters, such as the meat-loving Ron Swanson.

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Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Parks and Recreation creators Michael Schur and Dan Goor struck comedy gold yet again with their action-comedy, Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Andy Samberg stars in the show, which focuses on a fictional police department precinct in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. Andre Braugher plays the yin to Andy Samberg’s yang, providing dry, yet hilariously timed humor during each episode. In just its first season, Brooklyn Nine-Nine took home two Golden Globe trophies.

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Broad City

Ilana and her best friend Abbi are two 29-something women, living in New York. Abbi is a struggling artist, working at a fitness center while she attempts to get her career off the ground. Ilana, on the other hand, does everything in her power to avoid working, and instead pursues all manner of pleasurable distractions, including sexual escapades and consuming large amounts of marijuana. The two are often pulled into crazy scenarios, frequently as a consequence of one of Ilana’s ill-conceived plots. Broad City has received high praise from critics due to its clever writing and subtle-yet-effective message of female empowerment.

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Arrested Development

Despite getting canceled by Fox in 2006, Ron Howard and Mitchell Hurwitz’s Arrested Development saw critical success across the board. Jason Bateman, Will Arnett, and Michael Cera star as family members of the very dysfunctional Bluth family living in Newport Beach, California. The show centers around Michael Bluth (Bateman) as he’s forced to assist his off-the-wall relatives after the family business comes under fire.

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Seinfeld

Seinfeld is a show that needs no introduction. Starring comedian Jerry Seinfeld, Julia-Louis-Dreyfus as Elaine Benes, Jason Alexander as the neurotic George Costanza, and Michael Richards as the hilarious Kramer, each episode follows the group of friends as they endure the absurdities of life in the big city (along with their own foibles). Thankfully, the Emmy-winning sitcom has endured since its original run in the ’90s, further solidifying it as one of the most popular and important comedies to ever air on television.

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Rick and Morty

Creators Dan Harmon (Community) and Justin Roiland (House of Cosbys) teamed up to create one of the best animated comedies in years. The basic premise centers on Rick (Roiland), a scientist who employs the help of his grandson, Morty, to assist him with dangerous quests and various schemes across space and time. The Adult Swim series is chock full of biting satire and clever humor, and moreover, has garnered a cult following in the wake of its successful and highly-acclaimed first season.

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Drunk History

If you enjoy history, but find history shows to be a little dry, why not add liquor? Comedy Central’s Drunk History, which evolved from a Funny or Die web series, follows host Derek Waters and a revolving lineup of guests, who get drunk and recite stories from history, from big events like the revolutionary war to smaller ones like Edgar Allan Poe’s feud with publisher Rufus Griswold. For each lecture, actors — generally notable comic actors such as Kristen Wiig or Bob Odenkirk — re-enact the events, going so far as to incorporate the narrator’s mistakes or drunken tics. Watching Drunk History, you’ll probably get a few laughs, and maybe even learn something new.

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Black-ish

ABC’s Black-ish is one of many shows to have sprung up during the latest sitcom renaissance, which seems to emphasize distinct points of view not often seen on TV. This particular sitcom follows the Johnsons, an upper-middle-class family in America. Parents Dre (Anthony Anderson) and Rainbow (Tracee Ellis Ross) try to raise their children, whom they worry may be growing up in a vastly different milieu than they did. The show takes a critical look at issues of race and identity in contemporary America, balancing heavy social commentary with character-driven comedy.

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Futurama

Although it didn’t attain immortality like its unending older brother The Simpsons (which now has the most scripted episodes of any prime-time series), Matt Groening’s other cartoon, Futurama, established an identity of its own as a funny, often poignant vision of the future. The show follows Philip J. Fry (Billy West), a delivery boy who stumbles into a cryogenic pod and wakes up a thousand years in the future. He ends up working for an interplanetary delivery company, working with a variety of colorful characters, including steely cyclops Leela (Katey Sagal) and hard-drinking, sociopathic robot Bender (John DiMaggio). Futurama is an inventive comedy, with every episode going in some wild directions, and it has an incredible cast of oddballs to bounce off each other.

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Samurai Champloo

Although it lives in the shadow of Cowboy Bebop, director Shinichiro Watanabe’s follow-up, Samurai Champloo, is a terrific anime series, one that deserves to be considered on its own terms. Set in Edo-era Japan, the series follows an unlikely trio of travelers: A young waitress named Fuu, quiet ronin Jin, and wild swordsman Mugen. Fuu wants to find a samurai who smells like sunflowers, and after saving Jin and Mugen from execution, enlists them as bodyguards. The three wander Japan, encountering a variety of bizarre characters and scenarios (including a baseball game for the fate of Japan and a possible zombie apocalypse). Dynamic animation, vibrant art, and a chill hip-hop soundtrack are just a few of the reasons to watch this masterpiece.

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One-Punch Man

Superheroes can be a little boring, can’t they? Does anybody really doubt, when a bank robber comes face-to-face with Superman, that the ensuing fight can go any way but one? One-Punch Man takes the one-sided nature of superheroes to its extreme conclusion, following Saitama (Makoto Furukawa), a hero so powerful he can defeat any foe with a single punch. Being unstoppable leads Saitama to a profound sense of ennui, however, and he must seek out stronger and stronger opponents to feel alive. One-Punch Man is a hilarious parody for fans of superheroes or anime, and it doesn’t hurt that the action is rendered in smooth, colorful animation.

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Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

The second adaptation of the popular manga, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood hews much more closely to the original story. The show, set in the fantasy setting of Amestris, follows the brothers Edward and Alphonse Elric, sons of a famed alchemist. After their father disappears and their mother dies, the boys take up the mystical art of alchemy, but a failed attempt at a forbidden ritual comes at a price: Edward loses an arm and a leg, while Alphonse loses his whole body, his soul trapped in a suit of armor. The boys seek work as military alchemists, hoping to use the government’s resources to research the legendary Philosopher’s Stone and find a way to restore their bodies. Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood stands out in the vast field of anime thanks to its distinct setting, complex characters, and inventive action sequences.

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Vikings

History (the network) melds historic accuracy with epic action in Vikings, a dramatized recounting of a prolific figure in Scandinavian lore, Ragnar Lodbrok. Vikings follows the exploits of the cunning Ragnar (Travis Fimmel) as he becomes the most powerful ruler of Europe’s Viking Age, or at least, the one the history books and Nordic sagas remember him as. The show has received much acclaim during its run thus far — and without the gratuitous nudity common to most cable epics — earning it numerous Emmy nominations for both effects and design.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Joss Whedon’s horror/fantasy/comedy/coming-of-age series was one of the defining shows of the ’90s, a teen drama with a healthy dose of humor and also monsters. The show begins with teenager Buffy Summers (Sarah Michelle Gellar) starting school in her new hometown: Sunnydale, California. It’s a quaint town, a perfect place to raise a family — if you can look past all the vampires, demons, and other creatures haunting the town. Luckily for the people of Sunnydale, Buffy is no ordinary teen; she’s a “Slayer,” a demon-fighting warrior blessed with superhuman powers. Along with her friends Xander (Nicholas Brendon) and Willow (Alyson Hannigan), as well as her mentor, Giles (Anthony Stewart Head), Buffy hunts monsters and tries to pass her classes. Although the early episodes are rough, Buffy the Vampire Slayer grew into one of the smartest shows on television in its day, a series that used its fantasy elements as metaphors for the travails of growing up and finding one’s place in the world. It doesn’t hurt that it had a sharp, self-aware sense of humor.

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Firefly

FOX

Before he was the mastermind behind Marvel’s cinematic universe, Joss Whedon was known for creating memorable television series such as Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly. While the latter only lasted for one season before it was ultimately canceled and later revived with the film Serenity, it has garnered a rabid cult following. The sci-fi series is set just after an interplanetary civil war between the populated inner system planets and the outer planets, where life resembles the American West. The series is well known for its cast of likable characters, including Nathan Fillion’s Mal Reynolds, who captains the titular ship and is arguably the coolest space criminal since Han Solo.

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Cowboy Bebop

Anime is often labeled as a niche genre, but like with all forms of media, there are breakout examples that transcend the genre, crossing over in appeal. Cowboy Bebop is a prime example. Set in the early era of humanity’s colonization of the solar system, a ragtag group of bounty hunters led by Spike Spiegel (Steven Blum) makes ends meet by taking in wanted criminals, while simultaneously trying to avoid the law and powerful criminal organizations. This space-western has been lauded as one of the best anime series ever made, with a memorable cast and compelling story, and featuring one of the most iconic final scenes ever.

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Preacher

Based on the acclaimed comic series by Garth Ennis, Preacher follows the story of Jesse Custer (Dominic Cooper), a former criminal working as a preacher in Texas. His faith shaky, Jesse’s life is changed when an otherworldly entity possesses him, granting him supernatural powers. Soon, Jesse teams up with his ex-girlfriend Tulip (Ruth Negga) and an Irish vampire named Cassidy (Joseph Gilgun), as he tries to master his new powers and deal with a host of enemies, including a powerful and corrupt businessman, Odin Quincannon (Jackie Earle Haley). The show benefits from excellent direction, thanks to showrunner Sam Catlin (who previously worked on Breaking Bad). Bloody, violent, and set against the sun-parched backdrop of Texas, Preacher evokes classic Westerns, but the supernatural elements and bizarre characters will appeal to viewers of modern genre shows like Game of Thrones.

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Star Trek: The Original Series

Few franchises have grown such a massive fanbase as the Star Trek franchise. The Original Series features William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy as the iconic Captain Kirk and officer Spock, respectively. Though dated — the show aired from 1966 to ’69 — it’s an appreciated blast from the past and one which created the foundation for so many TV spinoffs and movies. That, and few would argue that Captain Kirk and Spock are among television’s all-time best duos.

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Star Trek: The Next Generation

Perhaps the most popular of the Star Trek TV shows, The Next Generation ran for an impressive seven seasons from 1987 to 1994. Patrick Stewart takes the lead as Captain Jean-Luc Picard who guides the starship Enterprise across the galaxy in search of new life and civilizations. It built off the cult success of The Original Series and solidified the Star Trek franchise as one of the best science fiction universes across TV or film. Despite taking place within the boundaries of space — where no man had gone before —TNG drew allegories to our earthbound cultural issues that took place during its televised run.

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The Twilight Zone

Rod Serling’s science fiction/fantasy series The Twilight Zone remains one of the best-written shows ever to air on American television. The original series aired for five seasons from 1959 to 1964 with Serling serving as not just head writer but also host and narrator. Each episode’s new story sees the main character encounter paranormal or unusual events that lead to an eventual moral. Though it spawned two spinoff series, the original Twilight Zone is the best of the bunch.

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Killing Eve

For MI5 agent Eve Polastri (Sandra Oh), the life of a spy is more mundane than the movies make it out to be. She’s stuck working at a desk, and the most excitement she sees is late-night karaoke, rather than infiltrating high-tech facilities or something similar. Eve gets a shot at a much livelier case when someone murders a Russian politician and Eve correctly deduces the assassin was a woman. Soon, she is on the trail of the assassin, Villanelle (Jodie Comer), a highly-skilled killer with no conscience, who takes an interest in the woman hunting her. Blending drama, humor, and international spy antics, Killing Eve is an exceptional psychological thriller, built around a complicated cat-and-mouse relationship.

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Legion

Noah Hawley, the creator of FX’s Fargo, tries his hand at telling a superhero story with Legion, a visually dynamic series that isn’t your typical, man-in-a-cape origin story. The show follows David Haller (Dan Stevens), a man who, having heard voices in his head since a young age, starts the series in a psychiatric hospital. His official diagnosis is schizophrenia, but after meeting another patient, Syd Barrett (Rachel Keller), who can switch bodies with anyone she touches, he discovers that the voices in his head are a sign of his own latent powers. Fitting for a show about a man who may or may not be insane, Legion is a hallucinogenic show, with psychedelic visuals and format-breaking sequences that keep David — and the viewer — confused as to what is real.

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You’re the Worst

Although drama and comedy are often viewed separately in pop culture, they make for a splendid pairing — just ask Shakespeare! Or, if you want a more contemporary example, look to You’re the Worst, a show that weds character-based drama and absurd humor. It focuses on Jimmy (Chris Geere) and Gretchen (Aya Cash), who start a casual relationship after meeting at a wedding. Both of them are dealing with problems personal and professional: Jimmy is a narcissistic writer struggling to get published, Gretchen is a clinically depressed PR agent representing a difficult rapper. Together, they try to enjoy life and figure out their careers, and You’re the Worst does not shy away from the dark side of either, exploring the toll of frequent partying and the conflicts inherent in every relationship. At times witty, at times woeful, You’re the Worst is one of the most intelligent and human shows on television right now.

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Fargo

Based on the Coen brothers’ beloved film of the same name, Fargo returns to the icy plains of Minnesota, a space where nefarious plots are conceived and enacted by otherwise seemingly normal folks. The TV adaptation features an all-star cast that includes Billy Bob Thornton and Martin Freeman, not to mention Colin Hanks and Allison Tolman, and stays true to the same black comedy and deadly mishaps that made the original film so popular.

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Sons of Anarchy

The biker gang, the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club Redwood Original (aka SAMCRO), makes ends meet by trafficking guns and subverting the law at every turn. However, when the gang’s young Vice President Jax Teller (Charlie Hunnam) discovers the diary of his deceased father, he begins to question SAMCRO’s business decisions. This puts Jax at odds with his stepfather Clay Morrow (Ron Perlman), who presides as the club’s president. The series tells the story of Jax’s efforts to keep the club together while balancing his complicated family life.

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The Handmaid’s Tale

In a not-too-distant future, after an environmental disaster causes widespread infertility, an extremist cult in the United States stages a coup, establishing the totalitarian state of Gilead. In this new society, women are relegated to subservient roles, and due to the low birth rate, a class of women called “handmaids” is conscripted to bear children for the leaders of Gilead. The protagonist of The Handmaid’s Tale, Offred (Elisabeth Moss), is one such woman, forced to have ritualized sex with Commander Fred Waterford (Joseph Fiennes) to provide him and his wife a child. Living without any rights or power, Offred tries to survive each day, hoping to one day be free. The Handmaid’s Tale is a masterful adaptation of Margaret Atwood’s grim novel of the same name, with excellent performances and gorgeous, oft-disturbing scene composition.

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Harlots

This historical drama follows Margaret Wells (Samantha Morton), a madam running a brothel in 18th-century London. Eager to climb the social ladder — and dodge the authorities — Margaret moves into the territory of her former boss, high-class madam Lydia Quigley (Lesley Manville), sparking a war between the two. Caught up in Margaret’s schemes are her two daughters, Charlotte (Jessica Brown Findlay) and Lucy (Eloise Smyth), whom she has pushed into prostitution. Despite the lurid subject matter, Harlots is never merely titillating; this is a show with a keen eye for the power dynamics at work in its setting, and how hierarchy turns even sex into a cold transaction. A complicated drama with intriguing characters, Harlots is a great show for people who like their historical dramas on the seedier side.

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Castle Rock

Stephen King is one of modern America’s most prolific authors, with nearly 60 novels and 200 short stories, and that allows the creators of Castle Rock, a show that draws inspiration from a variety of King’s works, to create an eerie melange of the author’s stories. Castle Rock follows Henry Deaver (André Holland), a defense attorney and a pariah in his hometown of Castle Rock, who nevertheless returns after guards at Shawshank Penitentiary find a nameless man (Bill Skarsgård) locked in an abandoned cellblock. As Henry delves into the mystery behind this stranger known only as “The Kid,” he wades into a mystery that stretches back years. Castle Rock is loaded with Easter eggs for ardent King fans to grin at, but even those who haven’t read the author’s complete bibliography can enjoy the show, as it tells a creepy story that can stand on its own merits.

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The X-Files

Chris Carter’s science fiction drama, The X-Files, operated under one simple premise: The truth is out there. FBI Special Agents Fox Mulder (David Duchovny) and Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson) investigate unsolved mysteries called X-Files. These X-Files deal with paranormal activity, aliens, UFO sightings, and various phenomena. Mulder believes in the existence of alien life while Scully offers scientific explanations for the mysterious happenings.

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Twin Peaks

In the quiet titular town of Twin Peaks, the sudden and tragic murder of high-school student Laura Palmer set off a chain of events that turns the town on its head. FBI agent Dale Cooper (Kyle McLaughlin) teams up with local sheriff Harry Truman (Michael Ontkean) to solve the murder, only to uncover a complicated mess of grisly truths that border on the supernatural. Twin Peaks is among director David Lynch’s most iconic works, yet the show only lasted two brief seasons. Despite this, it produced some timeless episodes. Those who have finished the original two seasons will be delighted to know that the show returned for its first new episodes after 25 years; there’s no better time to revisit this short-lived classic.

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American Horror Story

American Horror Story is an anthology series where each season centers on its own unique story, with a core cast whose role change from season to season. Each season provides scares and frightening psychological storylines, whether they take place within a troubled family home, amid a coven of witches, or inside a hotel of circus freaks. American Horror Story is a unique drama, one that capitalizes on the work of series creator Ryan Murphy.

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Survivor

Outwit. Outplay. Outlast. Survivor‘s three main tenets have helped the show “survive” for an admirable 33 seasons, and the competition shows no signs of slowing down. Whether you’re a fan of the rugged early seasons, or you prefer “Fans vs. Favorites,” you can get your fill on Hulu. And if you weren’t already aware, the show follows two teams of contestants, both of which must survive for 40 days in a remote location while their teammates and opponents scheme to vote them “off the island.” Tiki torches also come standard.

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Catfish

Catfish follows hosts Nev Schulman and Max Joseph as they work to unravel the mysteries behind online-only relationships. Each episode details their investigation into a particular relationship and their ongoing effort to figure out if it’s actually real, or if one of the participants is merely being “catfished.” It’s an interesting — and questionably ethical — exploration into internet politics and people’s personal lives.

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Top Chef

In Top Chef, competitors are pitted against one another in a variety of themed challenges in attempts to find out who can create the better meal. Quickfire challenges force contestants to test their skills and finish a meal before the allotted time runs out, while Elimination challenges generally entail more detailed and difficult culinary undertakings. After 14 seasons, we only have one question: where can we sign up to judge?

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Editors’ Recommendations

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PewDiePies Fall Shows the Limits of LOL JK

YouTube star PewDiePie’s fall from grace riled uphis 53 million subscribers, but unless you’re a Gen-Z videogamer, you may find the name splashed acrossmany a headline this weekunfamiliar.Lucky you. AfterThe Wall Street Journal reported on his pattern of using anti-Semitic jokesin his videos,Disney’s Maker Studios cut ties with the internet celeb, and YouTube canceled the second season of his streaming reality show. People might applaud what look like swift measures, but themoves are long overdue.

PewDiePiethe online alter ego of 27-year-old Swede Felix Kjellbergis famous for two things: outsized reactions tothe games he plays, and trolling. Given the impossibility of knowing whether he means what he says, you can’t always know how to respond when he does something like, say, hire people to hold up a sign saying“Death to all Jews.” His fans take him seriously but not literally; his critics take him literally but not seriously. Sort of like another divisive figurein the news these days.

But PewDiePie started racking up questionable jokes almost from the start of his YouTube career nearly seven years ago. Given that long tradition, and the fact he recently claimed that YouTube discriminates against him because he’s white, his fanbase goes beyond gamers. PewDiePie has become a bona fidewhite-supremacist hero.

Hiding Behind “LOL JK”

PewDiePie enjoys extraordinary popularity. His YouTube audience exceedsthe subscriber base of Hulu, Apple Music, andThe New York Times combined. Fansadore him because he embodies so much of whatYouTubeand, really, the internetloves: zaniness,rough-at-the-edges authenticity, and deadpan mockery.

That mix, though, often leads to a classic internet problem. “Offline you have context clues. You know if someone is going to punch you in the face, right?” says Whitney Phillips, author of This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: Mapping the Relationship Between Online Trolling and Internet Culture. “But on the internet, you can’t tell if something was intended as a joke or a sincere expression.” Offensive “humor” further confuses the mix:Whileit’s important to call outthings like racism, sexism, ableism, and homophobia, doing so plays into trolls’ hands. They insist they aren’t spouting hatred, only proving that you can’t take a joke.

PewDiePie long ago mastered this move. He uses“gay,” “retard,” and “autistic” as playful insults. He makes plenty ofrape jokes. And he spews out all kindsof racist stuff, too. Take, for example, hiscommentary in this 2011 let’s-play video that includes the Swedish version of the N-word.

In the subtitles, he translates the word as“black,” but it’s hard to argue the word he uses is anything but a racial slur. (The Swedish Ornithological Society evenrenamed birds to eliminate any reference to the term.) Another Swedish YouTube user pointed this out and criticized PewDiePie for usingthe term but PewDiePie’s supporters, who call themselves the Bro Army, didn’t care. Neither did YouTube.

He used the N-word again, in English, in this video posted last month.

His fans’ negative reactions spawned two hashtag movements on Twitter: #pewdiepieisover and the more gleeful #pewdiepieisoverparty. But this is Twitter, so of course the racist elements of the Bro Army quickly co-opted them.

#pewdiepieisover Geezes peoples, calm the fuck down he said a word with no racist intentions. Get back to the cotton field and contemplate.

lemmy antonis (@lemmyantonis) January 12, 2017

PewDiePie’s casual offensiveness doesn’t end with the N-word. In another let’s-play video, he mentions thathe can’t see people when they’re “too black,” and fans mention thathe’s been known to say that “black things” scare him.

This 2017 video, in which he decided whether he would “smash,” pass on, or sell particular people into slavery is basicallya loaded baked potatoof racist and misogynist tropes.

In this face-swapping video he repeatedly uses an image of actress Leslie Jones to representHarambe, the gorilla killed in the Cincinnati zoo last year. I shouldn’t have to explain what’s wrong with that.

None of this means that anything that offends anyoneis off limits as a joke. But jokes that goof onracism are different than jokes that rely on race—a fine line to be sure. Even comics known to get away with it (like Sarah Silverman) sometimes miss the mark. What PewDiePie does in these videos is the 4chan version: repeat racist terms and insist they have outlived their offensiveness and are now hilarious.

But PewDiePie recently wentbeyond racist joking.In December 2016 heannounced plans to delete his YouTube channel once it reached 50 million subscribers because the platform had changed its homepage, a move that meant his viewers saw fewer videos, and less often. Coming from so towering a figure, this was a big deal. Bigger still? His reasoning. Ina jittery rant, he claimed that “YouTube wants my channel gone. They want someone else on top. They want someone really extremely cancerous, like Lilly Singh. Im white. Can I make that comment? But I do think thats a problem.

Singhbetter known by her YouTube alias, Superwomanis a Canadian-Indian rapper and comedian whose songs, parodies, and calls for positivity and #GirlLove have wonher more than11 million subscribers. Days after his rant, facingwithering criticism, PewDiePie claimedeverything he said about Singh was satire. The belated“LOL JK” is, of course, a defense favored byMilo Yiannopoulos and othertrolls, one thatraises questions of intent versus effect. “Its the impact that matters,” Phillips says. “I think weve reached an era where that ‘I was just trolling’ excuse needs to be retired.”

Becoming an Alt-Right Darling

PewDiePie’s reaction, though, also tooka step in a new direction. By claimingthat mediaoutlets takinghis words literally amounted to slanderand by calling publications that did so“the clearest form of cancerhe added media paranoia to his recipe of open prejudice and dog-whistling, making himan immediate poster boy for white supremacists. Check out the banner leadingneo-Nazi Andrew Anglin’s The Daily Stormer, which the Southern Poverty Law Center calls the top hate site in America.

The image has been up for weeks, says Heidi Beirich, director of the SPLC’s Intelligence Project. “With PewDiePie, the question is, How did it take them so long?” shesays of Disney and YouTube dumping PewDiePie. “Neo-Nazis have been loving this guy. And because he has this massive following, they see those people as supporting their views.”

If anything, Disney and YouTube elevated PewDiePie’s standing in the so-called alt-right movement’s eyes by sending him packing. Just look at the alt-right’s preferred social media platform, Gab.

So, intentionally or not, the YouTube celebrity stepped intothe political arena.“There has always been a strong feedback loop between public figures, broadcast media, and social media activity,” says Anthony McCosker, an expert ondigital and social media at Swinburne University of Technology in Melbourne, Australia. “I think the current push toward nationalism, tapping into exclusionary and racist sentiment, is driven and emboldened by online activity.”

This all places much of theresponsibility onDisney and YouTube;chipping away fromPewDiePie’s already staggering annual income ($15 million in 2016) doesn’t prove much to anyone. “They’re handmaidens to some pretty ugly sentiments,” Beirich says. “YouTube has refused to develop AI systems to hunt down extremist material. We at SPLC have been doing their legwork and reporting it for them, but that’s an inefficient system.”

You’ll have trouble finding consensus on what to do with someone like PewDiePie, especially because his reach is so global. In Austria this week, authorities arrested a man for dressing as Hitler in the Nazi leader’s hometown. Should PewDiePie enjoyspecial privileges because his Hitler costume appeared online? In America, satire has always been protected speechand there are overwhelmingly compellingreasons to keep it that waybutin a time of “alternative facts,” satire becomesincreasingly hard to identify.

You can’t smooth the ripples PewDiePie’s videos created, but you canslow their spread. PewDiePie’s business model revolves around grabbingviewers’ attention, holding it, and keeping them coming back for more. The real #pewdiepieisoverparty will happen when people start clicking Unsubscribe.

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