#and my brain said : no .
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it is officially midnight here where i am, so i just want to pop on and say merry christmas to all those who celebrate, a happy holidays in general, and also happy birthday sara lance who is still one of my absolute all-time favorite comfort characters <333
#sara lance#legends of tomorrow#merry christmas to those who celebrate!!#also sending love to anyone struggling with the holiday season this year ❤#p.s. i was going to try to write an avalance christmas fic to post this year but alas#finding any excess christmas spirit this year has been a tad bit challenging#and my brain said no#so here we are#but anyways. merry christmas and happy birthday to sara lance :)#mod alien's life and thoughts
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Reading Mockingjay as an adult is extra devastating because. Of course the plucky teenager and her ragtag friends aren't going to sneak into a government building to kill the president with a bow and arrow. That's absolutely ridiculous. It's the kind of thing that's only possible in the kind of propaganda that Coin developed. But she's so good at it that in some ways she tricks the reader into thinking that's the kind of story this is, too--even after 3 books reminding us that pretty much everything that Katniss does the second she volunteers is manipulated by adults pulling strings to make propaganda in some form or another.
#rotating it in my brain#monstrous-femme said Coin was using the YA novel format as propaganda#and yeah. YEAH#where's that review that's like. oh. turns out it wasn't about the love story after all.#thg#the hunger games#mockingjay
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life of regret
#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford#gravity falls#my art#no way . i had all of these tags written out on mobile ab stanford and fiddleford post fallout and it CRASHEDDDD#THEYRE GONEEEWW (slipping thru my fingers like sand)#whag freaking ever . i was just talking about how i always forget theres a pocket of time between their split and fords disappearance#and how crazy it is that i had no idea fidds used the gun on ford until last month#it just unlocked smt in my brain thats all.👐 and then i said i was smashing my head w a rock. maybe even 20❤️#tbh i was neutral on fidds back then but i rly rly like him now T_T .. power of other fidd enjoyers lifting me up#i had a lot of fun coloring this one but i didnt know what exactly i wanted to do w it . i had fidds and the gun all finished#but i was like uhhh.. >added the wrapped light#and then i added a whole bunch of scribbled soc of the blind eye symbols but it was waay too crowded/busy#i wish i couldve found a way to keep them😧 u know when HAHAHAHAH u know those ugly like#math prints of just random equations . thats what it started looking like n i had 2 tap out#editing 2 say i posted this and i had that panic NOOO WAIT ITS JOT FINISHED but I Will be Okay.<say it w me#if i spend too much time on it ill just overwork it and then never share so -__-
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this one's for you, edwin paine
#charles said he misses kissing so I did what had to be done#these two won't leave my brain#which is bad cos I REALLY need to focus on my final#but oh well#what can I do#dead boy detectives#DBD#dead boy detectives fanart#painland fanart#chedwin#chedwin fanart#my art#digital art#fanart#my fanart
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fob saying "it's been 17 years since we played with My Chemical Romance" is so important cuz idk about the rest of y'all but I got so caught up in the dnp anticipation that I forgot the original reason this day was a big deal was FOB and MCR playing together again!!
#bonus brain damage for OG emos: 17 years is two years younger than I am!#TO BE CLEAR I WAS NOT THERE I WAS WATCHING A LIvESTREAM LOL#i actually originally said that in the post but then was like 'well they weren't the ones livestreaming so that doesn't make sense. they#simply said it.' 💀 but now like five people think i was there lol#i said this#fob#mcr#wwwy#when we were young fest#when we were young 2024#no but seriously imagine it#october 19th#fall out boy#my chemical romance#dnp#phan
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"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.
but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)
mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…
the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.
every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.
first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic
which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.
which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.
the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.
walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?
well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.
you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?
it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.
when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.
and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.
kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.
yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.
#dungeon meshi spoilers#mithrun#dungeon meshi#this has been rotating for a while but i wanted to check my evidence before getting into it thanks user angelspenance for posting that meme#half of this is just the text and the other half i'm sure has been said before but it's making my brain [radio static] so here this is#someone did for sure mention this but i do find it very cute that in his fucked up conjured world meant to portray his ideal reality#his teammates came to visit him. like part of the fantasy was then explicitly that they cared about him and were his friends. even though#he says he tried to see the worst in them.#hm it does feel important to note that i do also believe 100% in mithrun suicidality--his desire to be eaten does seem to focus a lot on#wanting it to be Over. wanting not to be left incomplete and empty anymore.#but that loops back around a bit to the hole in your heart that appears when you feel unloved. it's many things and the same thing at once#snakes#long post#severe problems#meshy
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IT'S FINALLY FUCKING DONE. I'M FINALLY FREE
UNTIL FRAUD COMES OUT
Tumblr shrinks it down pretty bad so please. please. I am begging you. look at the full sized image and zoom in. This art piece made my friends worried for my mental health I need someone to witness the amount of detail and effort I put into this
also the original sketch under the cut bc I think comparing them is really funny
#my art#ultrakill#stained glass art#gabriel ultrakill#this is one of those art pieces that made me feel like i had a parasitic fungus controlling my brain#one of those art pieces that's gonna require recovery time. i feel like a demon was just expelled from my body#i need to go eat an apple or stand in a river for a little while#i already said it but please. please zoom in on the full sized version#i love this game so much#i just hope i don't hate this by the time its finished lmao#im probably gonna have to adjust the color balance a bit when fraud/treachery come out but i'll cross that bridge when i get to it
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ARCANE LEAGUE OF LEGENDS: 2x06 - “The Message Hidden Within the Pattern” ↳ "Evolution has a destination. Not to combat nature, but to supersede it. The final, glorious evolution."
#my league brain when he finally said it: YEAHHHHH LETS GOOOO GLORIOUS EVOLUTUION#arcane#arcaneedit#arcane season 2 spoilers#viktor#viktor arcane#arcane viktor#league of legends arcane#league of legends#arcane s2#arcane season 2#arcane netflix#arcane league of legends#type: gif#media: arcane#s2 ep6
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Come with Kong to Monkeyland!
Kong just wants to show his New Empire in Hollow Earth
My brain constantly nagging me to draw this as Kong:
#godzilla#godzilla x kong: the new empire#kong#godzilla x kong#COME WITH ME TO MONKEYLANDDD!!!!#this is kong whenever he wants to invite Godzilla to his New Empire#I can see that Kong kinda wants to hang out with Goji cos he thinks they are friends now#Goji just kinda-ish doesn't kill him cos Mothra said: NO#so Goji tolerates it...#for now...#anyway are you happy now brain#i drew it#just for you#do not repost#my art
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Moon dance 🌕✨
#narumitsu#wrightworth#phoenix wright#miles edgeworth#capcom cafe#not sure HOW to tag this but it’s royal narumitsu my beloveds!!!#i love love love LOVE how their little gold details all sort of look like crescent moons of some sort! the inherent romance of the moon <3#also i cracked the CODE on edgeworth’s gold details i feel so big brained!!!!#can you believe i had this sketch since february of LAST year?? the side by side comparison is WILD bc it’s practically the same#back at it again with the nrmt + hands nonsense! didn’t really mean to do it this time but wow. hands huh#also…. if i said this would be a goldfoil print would anyone want..? 👀#come yell at me if yes or no or maybe you just feel as craci about the royal narumitsus as i do#rendevok#fan art#aa
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sometimes, you wake up and your first thought is "I cannot be a person today." often---most of the time---you have to then get out of bed and proceed with being a person, regardless of your feelings on the matter.
but sometimes, occasionally, once in a while....it's nice to email your boss, get back in bed, and go the fuck back to sleep.
#in my defense I do feel like warmed-over mud. but it's the kind of feeling I could push through if I really needed to.#I just decided that there wasn't much of a point.#not on a random friday. I will try again tomorrow.#(sidenote: once you start paying attention to your brain it's amazing how patterns emerge.#for example - guess how many books I've read in the last 48 hours. now guess when I did this last???)#(.....that said some of them were quite good.)#celestial emporium of benevolent knowledge
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so how about that durge
#tw blood#bg3#baldur's gate 3#astarion#halsin silverbough#the dark urge#durgestarion#if you know the song we can kiss on the mouth#this is ashe he’s a terrible creature#the bardiest bard to ever bard who makes astarion look SUNKISSED#he really said ‘if i have to be murder incarnate i should at least do it with style and panache’#my guy killed an elder brain and several gods in heels and corseted to hell#fun fact: before i played durge. didn't know about the bhaalspawn thing#accidentally made the most bhaalspawn looking fuck i possibly could
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mourning black and the death of ideals
#i haven't moved on from this yet. btw. i'm still here#finally decided to draw the thought i've been ruminating over for days on end bc it's like a parasite eating away my brain#stated this on the initial post i made days ago but there's just smt so gut wrenching and sickening#about how dazai will have worn black exactly twice in his life: once as a member of the mafia and now at kunikida's funeral#a color that initially signified devotion to the mafia and his demon prodigy alias now signifies his grief#him having to wear black again at the funeral of another doomed fatalist who chose his heart over his survival. his own partner.#kunikida's death being so reminiscent of the tragedy that initially caused him to defect and flee#and everything tying together full circle and effectively breaking him#asagiri rly said fuck knkdz it's doppover we lost gang 😭😭😭#why did bro leave that fucking notebook behind#fool. do you know that angst potential you have left me to work with?#love never won in bsd. it lay dead and festering#i don't know how much longer i can keep saying i miss them. i'm going to kill myself if he doesn't come back#i've never wanted something to be death bait so desperately#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikidazai#knkdz#kunizai#(??? technically. its implied anyway)#lotus draws
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Steve and Eddie are sharing a joint, sitting in Steve's car. They're just talking about random shit, when Steve goes to apply chapstick. And that made him think about lipstick.
Steve likes lipstick. He voices this opinion. Likes the pop of color that draws the eyes. Likes how it emphasizes lips, makes them look even more kissable. Likes the marks they leave on the skin when kissing. It gets him all hot just thinking about the trail leading down and down-
And Eddie. Eddie just shrugs and returns to puffing on the joint they are sharing. Says he's never experienced it. Which, Steve thinks is criminal. Sure, Eddie is gay and it's the 1980s, but lipstick is just makeup and anyone should be able to wear makeup. I mean, Steve isn't shy to wearing lip gloss not that he advertises it.
So, Steve digs around his car, finds the lipstick that Robin left. He applies a thick layer to his lips, smacking them a few times. "I'll prove it, come here," Steve says leaning into Eddie's space.
And Eddie is wide eyed but agrees.
One kiss leads to two. Which leads to Steve pressing open mouthed kisses into Eddie's neck. Eddie moans and Steve whispers in his ear," I've wanted to do this for awhile,, you're so hot." Which leads to Eddie's shirt coming off. Leads to red lipstick trailing down Eddie's chest and down and down and
Yeah, Steve was right. Lipstick is hot.
#Steve is so smug about proving his point AND kissing Eddie meanwhile Eddie's brain is like leaking out of his ears#Steve has been trying to drop hints for months and Eddie has been oblivious#Eddie is going to go home and think Man Steve Really Likes Lipstick Ha Ha and meanwhile Steve is thinking Wow we kissed we're gonna date no#It clicks for Eddie a few days later and Eddie shows up at Steve's and is like “wait you said you've wanted to do that for awhile”#I could write more but my head is pounding and my cold medicine is kicking in and sleep is taking over#Steddie#steve harrington x eddie munson#eddie munson/steve harrington#Eddie Munson x Steve harrington#steve harrington/eddie munson#Jade is Talking
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On autonomy, and what it means to be Obliged to Help.
Bonus:
#a homestuck walks into an antechamber and asks#hey is anybody going to make this dynamic wholly deterministic and thus dubiously consensual by its very nature#ANYWAY bigger ramble below. scroll down like usual#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#THATS RIGHT WE'RE STILL SHIP TAGGING IT BABYYYY#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#lucabyteart#RAMBLE START: anyway i think loop is wrong here. they have it backwards. as-- in my opinion--#the main reason they could be called back into existence postcanon is because *their* wish for help is still not complete#they still need help. siffrin still needs help. neither of them will ever stop needing help.#they will thus uphold the wish until the end of siffrin's natural lifespan.#that said. what does it mean that loop can be so wholly forced to abide by siffrin's wants?#(assuming the dagger cutscene posession is them being forced to uphold the 'help siffrin' wish via harsh universe logic)#[as opposed to something capricious and cruel the change god did. which feels out of character for the change god to me?]#much like how the island wish and duplicate objects are neutered by simply sliding off people's brains...#is loop subtly ushered toward their wish? obviously it's not a full override (see: the bossfight). but is there any interference?#and if so. so what? does it matter? if they don't notice? is it even real if they don't notice?#and even if they do notice. the universe leads we follow. how much do either of them value their free will in a belief system like that?#the whole game is dedicated to siffrin habitually NOT excersizing his free will. doing things the same Every Time.#Loop ESPECIALLY does this. predetermined predetermined predetermined even in the FACE OF CHANGE. REFUSING. ANY CHOICE.#Maybe they'd even be comforted by having a universe-ordained purpose even if it is subservient. even if its to Him.#(though. i can't see siffrin enjoying the idea that someone is subservient TO them... then all their suffering is his fault...)#loop got into this mess via WANTING too much. no more free will. can't be trusted with it. take it away from them.#but yeah. gets my greasy detective pony hands all over this. and everyone please do remember i like to make characters Outright Wrong A Lot
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Did you think I was done? Ahahahaha no, I have more.
Because chapter 70 of MOMU gave me the very dynamic between them that I missed so much, I just blacked out and started drawing uncontrollably lmao
Also. ALSO. I noticed a while ago that Prowl has the habit of..like…constantly frowning. So. I did a bit of research and made this graph.
In 70 chapters, Prowl frowns rougly 104 times. And the intensity of this gesture is very clearly correlated with the development of his relationship with Jazz, as you can see ahahahahah It might be wrong tho don’t take me seriously I’m not good with graphs
#maccadam#transformers#prowl#jazz#jazzprowl#fic fanart#momu fanart#I just#mmmmm#For the whole fic Prowl had to think twice about everything Jazz says#every information could end up being wrong#sometimes even without Jazz realising it#so when Prowl says#he’s trusting Jazz. it’s.#also it totally wasn’t me googling ‘believing and trusting nuance difference in english’#the moment I realised the difference I think my brain started rollercoaster loops#he can’t believe him but he found enough faith to trust him#while. YES. For the whole story Jazz couldn’t fucking be believed#list e n#Jazz did a lot of things for Prowl#fucktons of big and small gestures to show that yes he likes loves and appreciates Prowl#I’m so happy Prowl is returning this energy#like#remember that scene a while back when Jazz kissed Prowl? Cool cool okay. Did Prowl kiss him? nope. It was one sided gestures#*gesture. That kiss didn’t make me feel like it’s truly something precious because Jazz started it but Prowl didn’t do quite the same#but this👆. This feels so much more important for me. Because Prowl#who is for the whole story was mister I calculate every chance of possible betrayal. Prowl whos entire personality is to trust nobody#Prowl goes. Fuck that I trust you. You feel me?#it wouldn’t be the same if he said I love you. Because love is very much something you don’t have a lot of control over.#but to trust someone? It’s a choice Prowl had to consciously make. You see what I mean? I love it. oh fuck I ran out of tags..
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