#and you make this army guy question himself 👀 ]

[estarion]

❛ i do not know where those rumors started, but i am no legend. ❜

An apologetic wince lightly seizes his features; his intention was something to the effect of ‘you’re capable of anything you set your mind to’ but what actually ended up leaving his mouth was a roguish “should be easy, for a legend.”

“Sorry,” he grunts, looking her over. Takes a secretively sanguine sip from his flask. She clearly downplays herself, that which she’s managed to accomplish in her young life thus far. He cannot help wondering why. Maybe one day he will seek deeper answers from her, but… not today. She seems tense. “You never had a miniature talking dragon as a sidekick, though?”

[siriusblacksbxtch]

Do you still write for TUA? If so, could you do a Sparrow!Ben x mreader smut? 👀👀

A/N: I haven’t written in years be gentle

Pairings: Sparrow!Ben x Hargreeves!male reader

Warnings: NSFW , top!ben x bottom!reader , arrogance , dirty talk , whatever else might happen

Summaru: After being sent to a new timeline the new Ben didn’t waste any time

He was such a goddamned asshole. From his emo hair cute to his evil smirk training you down, you already couldn’t stand him.

Your Ben was sweet, kind, gentle. This one seemed to be a spoiled brat who could take anything he wanted with simply a smile.

Diego had smacked you upside the head when he caught your gaze lingering far to long, although the dickhead behavior he was inexcusably attractive.

You slowly crept inside the Sparrow Academy, none of the rich prats insight as far as you could tell, your power being heat detection. You stared around the house, looking all too familiar to your own that had been thoroughly destroyed.

“What are you doing here asswipe?” Ben’s voice made your teeth immedialey grind, glaring down the egotistical maniac.

“Here to kick your ass if I gave a damn, but lucky for you I’m just visiting.” Ben scoffed at your comment, glaring you down but it seemed hard for the sweet looking boy to appear threatening.

“Do you always talk out of your ass or are you just feeling quirky?”

“At least I have an ass, bitch boy.” Ben snorted at your comment, obviously you had earned your mouth from Diego, the two of you stirring up the most trouble besides Klaus.

“What do you want?” He asked seriously ruffling his hair as he raised an eyebrow at you.

“I’m not sure,” you muttered your (e/c) eyes flickering to the ground.

“You’re not sure?”

“I just felt like I should come,” you shrugged. Ben stood for a moment in silence, glancing at the bar and wandering over to it.

“A drink?”

“Please.” You followed after him, the man pouring you and himself a glass of scotch as you leaned against the bar.

“What’s with your families’ obsession with me?” Ben rose an eyebrow taking a long sip from his drink as a soft sigh escaped you.

“You look just like him,” you muttered. “Ben was,” you shook your head, “Ben was the best of us. I had been picked up by Reggie at about ten, an old lady wanting her cut of the money brought me to the Umbrella Academy. He thought I could be useful, but really it was all just traumatizing. The others had been used to it, but I had gone from relaxation to army training.” You took a long sip from your drink as well, almost finishing it off. “Ben took care of me, was there for me. He was everything to me.”

Ben, not your Ben, but Ben none the less almost seemed to smile at the story, shaking his head.

“So when you look at me, you think of the boy that meant everything to you?”

You stared at him for a while, finishing the rest of your drink as you gave a slow nod.

“Yeah, of course I do.” Silence filled the giant room, still nodding your head. “Although you have caught my eye in the way he never could, we were just kids. We couldn’t explain how we felt. Seeing you is almost like, like a reminder. Knowing what I felt for him was real.”

Ben stared at you for a long time, all of the asshole personality you had seen seeming to fade away as he looked you up and down with a soft smirk.

“You sound like a genuine guy,” you scoffed at the half ass compliment, nudging him with your shoulder.

“And you seem like a pretty attractive guy if you weren’t such a dickhead.”

“Some guys like a dick,” he stepped closer to you, trapping you against the bar with his hands as a sly smile graced his lips.

“Oh, trust me,” you leaned closer your lips grazing his, “I love dick, but I like a sweetheart.”

“I could be a sweetheart for a night.”

You scoffed at him, nose brushing against his as you met his eyes.

“What makes you say that?” Ben swallowed harshly at the question, ghosting a hand over your cheek as he gave you a soft smile.

“Let’s just say, you’re our Ben in this world,” a soft air of calm fell over you both, “and I loved him how you loved your Ben.”

That seemed to be all the explanation you needed, leaning closer and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. Ben’s hands tangled in your (h/c) hair like they had been there a thousand times, the boy gripping at your clothes like it was his life line.

It was almost familiar, both of you reminiscing on your lost loves, but it was also brand new. Filled with a fire neither of you had explored since the tragic days you had both been through. Ben pulled at your black sweater, nearly ripping the fabric as he pulled you closer, pinning you between him and the bar.

“You siblings-” You gasped, hands tangled in his hair.

“Gone,” he slammed his lips into yours, “I promise they’re gone.”

You took him by the shoulders, pushing him back until you were both falling over the couch, landing on top of the beautiful boy.

“Are you sure?” He gasped for air as you pulled off your sweater, pulling off his top as well, a grin grazing your lips.

“More than sure.”

Ben grabbed you by the neck, thrusting his hips into yours as he pulled you back into a deep kiss, working his tongue into your mouth. His hands fumbled for your belt, you assisting him as you both stripped yourself of your clothes.

It was all too good of a feeling, the man grinning up to you with hooded eyes as his hands explored you in so many different ways. It almost felt like you were meant to be right here, on top of each other with soft smiles.

Ben’s hands squeezed your ass roughly, you soft moans filling the room as you grinded down on him, his heavy breathing following yours.

“Are you sure?” He muttered as he began to enter.

“Please,” you replied, stroking his cheek with a lazy grin.

He shoved himself inside you, keeping a steady pace as you threw your head back in pleasure.

“Ben, please.” It felt like bliss, grinding down on the man as he guided his hips to meet your own.

“Fuck, (Y/N),” a shaky sigh fell from his lips. “Feels so good.”

“Kiss me,” you uttered. The man not hesitating to pull you to his lips as he sped up the pace.

Unwilling moans were falling from your lips as you sloppily kissed the man of your dreams, him hitting all the right spots as you did so.

“Fuck Ben! Fuck, you’re amazing.”

“It’s you,” he shakily replied. “You’re amazing. You feel so good (Y/N)”

“I want you to come in me,” you scratched at his chest. “Please Ben, you’re amazing. You’re so good please, please Ben.”

“I love you,” he muttered as he released inside of you, both of you moaning loudly as you came on his chest.

Both of you ignored the words that had slid past his lips, you more so ignoring the fact that they had almost spilled from your own.

You gasped for breath, sliding off of the Sparrow, knees touching as you gave soft glances to each other.

“Well that was—”

“Amazing,” Ben cut you off, no hint of sarcasm in his tone. “Will I see you again?”

You stared at the handsome man, a soft smile on your face as you leaned in for one more kiss.

“As long as my siblings don’t find out.”

[tommykinard6]

hi!! id love to hear more about sal knowing all along 👀

*slides dramatically into the camera frame* well, since you asked!

3 am thoughts with TK6!

So my idea is that Sal really knew about Tommy all along.

How? Couple of options. Maybe Sal’s gaydar is secretly amazing and he clocked it immediately. He might’ve looked at Tommy the moment he set step in the 118 and went “that man is gay af”.

All jokes aside (and really, that was only a half joke, his gaydar could actually be great) it could’ve been something like they went out for drinks and got smashed. Maybe Tommy referred to someone (like a celebrity crush or maybe a past hookup, I’m not of the opinion he had actual relationships before coming out) by the wrong pronouns. Maybe he outright said it. Something somewhere along those lines. And then the next day Tommy didn’t remember it but Sal did.

Or, and I find this even more likely, Sal actually had great observation skills. He watched how Tommy shied away from mentioning partners, how his girlfriends always “couldn’t make it”, how he would entertain flirtation from girls but never went home with them on nights out (or maybe didn’t flirt, but I feel like Tommy would’ve tried to blend in), and as his suspicion grew he watched Tommy and noticed that his eyes never strayed towards girls and how his eyes would drift towards men and snap away quickly-or maybe he fully avoided looking at the guys even Sal could admit were attractive.

So he decided to test it out. Next time there was a good chance to slip in a joke, he did. He teased Tommy about being gay. Tommy wasn’t prepared. He hadn’t been expecting it. So he froze, briefly. It wouldn’t have been something super obvious, or else it would’ve been too much. Tommy made it through the army; he’s been called gay before. But he was secure at the 118 and hadn’t prepared himself. And that’s when Sal knew, even more so when Tommy was tense for the next couple of shifts.

Tommy was probably waiting for him to make a big deal about it. But Sal didn’t. Why? Who knows. Maybe as long as Tommy was in the closet, Sal was fine ignoring it. Maybe they were friends enough that he wasn’t quite enough of an asshole as to out him. Or maybe it was more malicious. He wasn’t enough of an asshole as to out him, but he kept sliding in jokes, just to watch Tommy jolt. Even better when Gerrard started making jokes too.

Who knows? Maybe Gerrard figured it out or maybe he just caught on to one of the only things that actually rattled an otherwise steady firefighter? Whether he thought it was true or not.

Either way, Sal knew but for years, played his own game. Whether for his own entertainment or some twisted form of protection.

Depends on your interpretation of Sal, really.

And there we go! That’s my thoughts on Sal knowing. I’m always willing to answer questions about this headcanon and others.

Y’all aren’t even prepared for my super sad fic starring this theory. I haven’t even convinced myself to write it yet 🤣😭

Enjoy!

[your-dandy-king]

Updated 30 April 2024

Greetings my loyal subjects and, ahem, others!

It is I, your Dandy King, Joachim Murat! I have finally decided to make -- what is this called again -- a blog for myself. Isn't it lovely? Lannes seemed to be having so much fun, I just couldn't sit by. Even Soult is enjoying this far more than he lets on. I think you call it FOMO, these days, right?

Anyhow, I've decided to change my mind and opened my inbox for your questions and queries. I was, I admit, a little uncertain of this place when I first arrived but, by the by, but I shall deal with it as it comes! Please drop your questions into "The Royal Inbox." I cannot guarantee I can or will answer everything, but I will try.

I will be making my appearances on the blogs of my friends and colleagues as well, so I shall be seeing you around. Ta!

Here's a handy guide to some of those friends, colleagues, and more.

@armagnac-army: Jean Lannes, Duke of Montebello, my buddy Gascon, the Greatest Gascon, that sheep guy

@askgeraudduroc: Geraud Christophe Michel Duroc, Grand Marshal of the Palace, beloved, Duke of Frioul, and Jean-Baptiste Bessières, also beloved, Duke of Istria, hunnybunkins

@le-brave-des-braves: Michel Ney, Duke of Elchingen, that ginger cannonball, do not taunt happy fun Ney

@murillo-enthusiast: Jean de Dieu Soult, Duke of Dalmatia, don't call him Nicolas, master of baked goods, has nothing to do with spotted dogs

@general-junot: Jean Andoche Junot, Duke of Abrantes, unhinged homewrecker

@chicksncash: André Masséna, Duke of Rivoli, Dear Child of Five-Fingered Discounts

@your-staff-wizard: Louis-Alexandre Berthier, Prince of Neuchatel, eternity's paper pusher

@trauma-and-truffles: Dominique-Jean Larrey, who knew that a doctor is still useful when you're dead

@askjackiedavid: Jacques Louis David, painter, mostly harmless

@carolinemurat: Caroline Murat, loving wife and beloved partner, the Queen of Naples

@generaldesaix: Louis Desaix, the prankster of the Grand Armée

@messenger-of-the-battlefield: Marceillin Marbot, one of Lannes' ADCs with uh, interesting perspectives

@perdicinae-observer: Louis-Nicolas Davout, Duke of Auerstadt, the Iron Marshal

@frencheaglet: Napoleon II, the boy!

@alexanderfanboy: 🤨

Jean-Baptiste Bessières occasionally wanders over from @askgeraudduroc, and his text will appear in green. Like this!

This is a joke RP account run by @phatburd for one of Napoleon's marshals and brother-in-law, Joachim Murat. He's not the only Murat out there in Tumblr RP land, and (I think) he peacefully co-exists with them all. All of them are simply facets and mirrors of Joachim Murat, and he loves nothing better to have more of himself around. We are all Murat.

This blog should be considered a 0% source of historical accuracy.

OOC Ramble 30 April 2024: On our Discord server @askgeraudduroc brought up voice claims for our RPs of various Napoleonic figures. Tiny Media's take on Murat earwormed me awhile back, probably due to having grown up in the American South. So in my head, Murat's been speaking with a Texan drawl this whole time.

Historically, Bessières had the same accent as Murat, just not quite as thick, so I've been hearing Bessie in my head with a not-as-thick Texas accent. 👀

I don't like writing in dialect, however, and I've been avoiding it due to not wanting to break immersion but with @askgeraudduroc's blessing, I'm going to drop in a few more Texan-isms into their dialogue. And "Hunnybunnkins." That's my Murat's pet name for Bessie. Is he going to Calle Bessie "Hunnybunnkins"? You betcha!

User icon art by @cadmusfly: Murat striking a Barbie pose on his trusty horse!

[sinning-and-screaming]

Lucifer and Pentious helping when the other is super horny and desperate 👀

Mutual Benefits

Or, how a joke somehow became a mutual benefit for an unlikely duo

Warnings: mentions of alcohol, hemipenis, double penetration, Lucifer is a slut, mentions of egg laying, Angeldust asking inappropriate questions, Pentious has both male and female private parts, light dacryphilia, Lucifer performs oral

A/N: We need more Sir Pentious smut fics out in the world, and I’m more than happy to be the proud leader of the Pentious Army.

THIS HAS NOT BEEN PROOFREAD AND PROBABLY SUCKS A LITTLE BUT WE DID OUR BEST

It had started off as a joke thrown out by Angeldust one afternoon. Neither Lucifer nor Sir Pentious could quite recall how the topic of conversation got to people’s sexual preferences. Later on they’d both blame the alcohol they’d been drinking during that Saturday evening at the hotel. Lucifer wasn’t much of a talker when drinking, preferring to listen in to the conversations around him.

“Hey, Pentious! Is it true you’ve got two dicks?”

“Wha— that is a private matter, Angeldust!”

“I mean, you are a snake. Some snakes have two dicks. Can’t blame a guy for askin’!”

“Fine, yes, I do!” Sir Pentious exclaimed, his words slightly slurred due to the amount of alcohol in his system. “Are you happy now??”

“I knew it!” Angeldust exclaimed with a laugh.

That particular answer had stuck in Lucifer’s head. And is what led to his current position— with Sir Pentious now scissoring him open.

“Are you alright, y-your majesty?” Sir Pentious nervously asks.

“Yes— I’m fine, I assure you,” Lucifer answers as his breathing heavies. “As I said before, if you need to stop I’ll tell you.”

Sir Pentious nods in response as he adds a third finger. “O-Okay.” He was already nervous, having not been asked to participate in such an activity in a long time, but to be servicing the king of hell in such a manner?? He had to make a good impression!

As Pentious added a fourth finger, he felt Lucifer squirm a little underneath him. “O-Oh my…” he mumbled as he buried his face in his hand. Pentious is honestly a bit impressed with how easy Lucifer was to prep— Lucifer was already very pliant beneath him, and seemed to be getting a bit impatient.

Pentious pulled his fingers away, his own face lighting up in a bright blush as he heard Lucifer whine from the loss. He applied a somewhat generous amount of lube to his cock. The plan was currently to go in with one, then to add the other once Lucifer made the call. The end of Pentious’s tail thumped a few times against the mattress as he slowly pushed himself in.

“Shit..~ that’s good, keep going,” *Lucifer moaned as Pentious slowly pushed himself in. He could feel Pentious’s other cock slide across his ass, making him shiver with anticipation. Pentious was certainly a little bigger than he had assumed— when he felt Pentious’s hips become flush with his, he felt pushed to his limit.

Pentious stayed still for a minute, his breathing heavy as he adjusted himself. He could feel his cheeks flare with heat as he watched Lucifer underneath him. Slowly, he began a steady pace, pulling out about halfway to then snap his hips forward. The sounds that Lucifer made were too intoxicating for him to ignore. Pentious began to speed up, wanting more of those sweet, pathetic sounds to emit from Lucifer’s lips.

After a few minutes, Lucifer finally said “I’m ready, please~” Pentious hummed with satisfaction as he slowly pulled back, taking a second to line himself up properly. With what could only be described as an animalistic urge, Pentious then snapped his hips forward, and he groaned at both the tight feeling around both his cocks and the beautiful sound— close to a scream— that came out of Lucifer’s mouth.

“SHIT—!” *Lucifer cried as he buried his face in the pillow underneath him. He felt like he was being ripped apart, but in the best way possible. And as Pentious began to move again, Lucifer could feel a knot starting to form deep within him. He could feel tears soaking the fabric of the pillowcase. It was somehow too much and too little at the same time.

Pentious, meanwhile, braced his hand again the headboard as he kept a brutal pace of his thrusts.* “Y-You feel so good, your m-majesty… s-so tight… I-I don’t know how long I can last…”

“You better not cum before I do,” Lucifer hissed, his tone so deep and assertive that Pentious felt better to not question the decision. Even still, he did as he was told, and kept going.

Lucifer tensed up a few minutes later as he began to feel the knot in his stomach unravel. “Pentious-! Fuck, I’m gonna—”

He cut himself off with his own scream of pleasure as he felt Pentious brush against his sweet spot. He saw white spots in the corners of his vision as he came. As he did, Pentious felt Lucifer tighten around him, causing Pentious to hit his own climax not a few moments later.

Once everyone was cleaned and taken care of, Lucifer drowsily mumbled, “Lemme return the favor some time… m’kay?”

That very statement later came to pass as Sir Pentious loudly knocked on Lucifer’s door. As soon as the door was opened, Pentious darted inside, nearly knocking Lucifer over.

“Y-Your majesty, I j-just finished passing my eggs, a-and I’m still in a rut—”

Lucifer didn’t need much more convincing than that. He let Pentious lay on his bed as he crawled down to find Pentious’s slit— with how much it was currently leaking, he didn’t need to look for very long.

“Oh, you poor thing… lucky for you, this is one of my specialties~” Lucifer licked his lips, then dragged his tongue over Pentious’s folds. Pentious froze momentarily, and a sigh of relief left him as Lucifer finally slipped his tongue in fully. He found himself squirming as he felt Lucifer’s warm breath against his clit, the masterful ways Lucifer managed to use his tongue to hit all the right spots.

“Th-thank you— oh, god, yes, thank you~!” Pentious cried in pleasure. His nails dug deep into the mattress underneath him, trying and failing to keep himself from bucking up into Lucifer’s mouth.

As Lucifer began to put some attention on his clit, he knew he wasn’t going to last much longer. He was already so sensitive, and everything felt so overwhelming.

“L-Luci— fuck, I’m~!”

That was really the only warning Pentious was able to give as his orgasm hit him. Lucifer hummed in satisfaction as he was suddenly met with the taste of Pentious’s fluids. He pulled back a little, taking a second to lick some of the wetness away before standing up to look at Pentious.

“You alright there?” Lucifer asked, and Pentious gave a weak nod and a thumbs up. Of course, this time Lucifer took care of the cleaning, and once that was over, he was suddenly pulled down beside Pentious as his tail wrapped around Lucifer.

“…do you think you can do that again sometime?”

“Of course, any time you’d like.”

[shihalyfie]

I have no idea why but something made me go back into my dummy attachment to all series protag crossover things and... Well, i've been thinking about this since the purple Tagiru card and the birth of the jokes based on it about Tagiru having his own corruption arc in Digica.

Who would be the most dangerous to the less of concern enemy out of the 9 protags (double Taichi, Daisuke, Takato, Takuya, Masaru, Taiki & Tagiru, Haru, Hiro) if they had a corruption arc? 👀

Context: Tagiru's Tamer Card is purple, which is unusual because purple is usually associated with dark or undead Digimon. It's probably because Tagiru's meant to be played with the Arresterdramon line (with Arresterdramon being purple, the card game has gone across the usual color associations just to match the relevant Digimon's color, and he does have some "spirit"-type attacks), but it's funny to consider that most of the Digimon protagonist cards so far have been red, and Daisuke being blue is pretty easy to understand why, and then Tagiru got pinned with the color that all the evil Digimon usually get. So of course, the amusing question that follows is how effective Tagiru would be as an (attempted) evil overlord!

Least dangerous: Masaru, actually! Not because he's incapable, but because of the above list, Masaru is the only one who comes off to me as being actively turned off by things like world domination or power for the sake of power. For better or for worse, he's the kind of person who's very self-focused and has goals related to his own definition of self-improvement, and even on the evil side he would still probably be bound by so-called "honor before reason". So if left to his own devices, the worst thing I could see him coming up with would be some underground fighting ring or something else that "causes trouble" but is hardly world-threatening, and even if he ends up being hired help he'd be like a one-off assassin rather than a core part of the threat.

After that in order: Daisuke, mostly because in many ways he doesn't really have a spine (I'm saying this affectionately) or enough conscious malice to get anything done by himself -- even when he's on the good side he's incredibly reliant on his friends to make any real progress. He's a pragmatic enough person that I think he could be surprisingly effective as someone else's right-hand man or minion, but I don't expect him to be a very good evil overlord by himself.

Hiro, who's outright stated in the series to be a doormat who just goes along with everything, and is only considered to be more dangerous than Daisuke on this list because he's a pretty capable guy who can keep himself together in situations Daisuke can't.

Tagiru, who certainly has the drive to do things but is one-track mind enough to be easily predictable. Which is fine in a lot of cases, but being an evil overlord not so much.

Takuya, because while like Tagiru he has a sort of one-track mind with things, he has a sort of "innocence"/"earnestness" Tagiru doesn't that I could easily see being corrupted into the kind of malice that enjoys tormenting people for the sheer fun of it. I think that's the part that's really scary about this, that if you flipped just a few switches in the wrong direction Takuya could be like those kinds of bullies who made Tomoki's life miserable.

Takato, who's often deferential, but, well, the scene where he completely lost himself to wrath is one of the most famous ones in the franchise for a reason. Of course, in that case his own good nature won out, but if a corruption arc is in play...

Reboot!Taichi, I feel could go pretty much any way.

Haru, who's thoughtful and intelligent, and only isn't put beyond the following two because he doesn't have a lot of experience with actual leadership, and his talent of keeping people together is outright dependent on his kindness.

Taiki, who has the charisma to lead a whole army and whatnot, and is very good at planning things out to achieve his goal. Power grabbing is what his entire series is about! The one thing that I think might hold him back to any significant degree is that his Good Samaritan nature of "I can't leave anyone behind" is portrayed as something that's so integral to his being that it's basically compulsive to some degree, whereas...

Most dangerous: Taichi. Of course. Well, we haven't seen him directly lead an army like Taiki did, but even when he was in an existential crisis about his career he still decided to go into poli-econ, and we know he eventually does go into hardcore politics. He's charismatic and great at bringing people together for a goal, and while he does have a self-sacrificial aspect, it's heavily tied to him having guilt over troubling or hurting others, and if that weren't in play...

[violets-and-books]

Crows WWII AU because I'm feeling inspired. God, it would give me so many good historical fiction moments 👀

Kaz - (Army) Colonel who somehow managed not to get discharged back home after his leg.

Inej - (Army) She was a Women's Air Force Service Pilot for the British, but then she emigrated to America, met Kaz while he was recovering WIA, and she went back to Europe with him as a nurse/medic to make sure he didn't get himself killed. Also because she was sick and tired of the way she was being treated as a south asian, female pilot, because as we know, Inej is more than her relationship status, and she is a badass <3

Jesper - (Army) Private 1st class. He's been fighting long enough to know the ropes, and he's grown decently close with both Kaz and Inej (Kaz will not admit to this and acts annoyed by just about every one of his soldiers). Jesper always carries an extra hand gun, and he's really good with metal and parts and building because he was obsessed with Industrial Arts class back home even though his Dad wanted him to go to uni and study English.

Nina - (Army) Nurse in America, then became a translator. She and Inej met during their training. Nina gets a lot of shit because her primary job is translator, because most of the men don't speak many languages. She speaks almost all the languages in Europe, she studied linguistics in school, and she went to nursing school and immediately joined the Army after she saw wounded soldiers coming back home. She does a lot of "🖕" to numerous soldiers (justifiably) and is deemed "lewd" but she's also respected enough by Kaz that no one can get away with doing anything about it.

Wylan - (Civilian turned enlisted)(This one is long)(So is Matthias' hehe) After liberating a town, the Crows (that are in battle) see all these people who helped/interacted with the Nazis being dragged to the center of the square and beaten, shaved, or humiliated in some form by the townspeople. Most of them are women who slept with Nazis, and Jesper sees this guy (Wylan) getting dragged over and asks someone what he did and asks Nina what he's yelling (because he is obviously distressed). The guy tells him that he was caught giving the germans supplies and information, and Nina says that he's insisting he didn't want to do those things and that he was coerced. Jesper, to Kaz's annoyance, goes and questions a man dragging Wylan about this. Turns out the Germans killed Jan and threatened Alys and Wylan's newborn half-brother if he didn't supply them with the chemicals he had for his university work (that he had since dropped out of because, well, there's a war). Jesper convinces the man to leave Wylan alone. Turns out Wylan (who is Dutch), speaks enough English to thank him and ask how he can repay them. Jesper is like "we need a new medic" and Kaz is like "absolutely not" and they argue and then Nina is like "Are you certified?" And Wylan is like "No", so Jesper is like "he can make us bombs" and Kaz is like "I'd like to see someone just make a bomb without a lab, Jes" and he does indeed because Wylan shows him a disturbing collection (he was saving them for liberation to help the soldiers but they got trapped inside by a body) of homemade bombs and Kaz is like "Okay, he can come" and while he's there Nina convinces Kaz to let her teach Wylan medicine and more English since she's not an operating nurse anymore and so eventually Wylan becomes a medic (because he's a man and can actually go out into battle as opposed to Inej who has to wait for soldiers to be brought to her)

Matthias - Matthias is a Swede who was conscripted by the Germans upon living in Germany for some years after WWI because his family decided to go back to the "Fatherland" as the Nazis were fond of calling it. Matthias didn't want to fight with the Germans but he was loyal to his commanding officer (brain washing), Jarl Brum, or General Brum, and he is eventually taken as a POW, and there he meets Nina, who has to translate everything. They meet when Wylan and Jesper are on a patrol (which Wylan shouldn't have been on but he gets away with a lot because of Kaz) and they stumble upon the remains of a recent battle (they weren't in) and one of the "German" soldiers is alive. Matthias insists he's a conscript but Jesper doesn't understand, and Wylan does his best to translate. They take him back as a prisoner and there, of course, he meets Nina (and they don't like each other but the sexual tension goes from but a wave to very thick). She translates everything to Kaz, Kaz decides Matthias gets to live, specifically because he's not German but he still thinks he's an asshole, and they put him with a few other prisoners they have. Originally they were supposed to leave all of them at a base, but Kaz requests to recruit Matthias. And his commanding officer (Per Haskell) is like "FUCK no" and Kaz is like "But allow me to explain" and through the powers of Kazzle Dazzle, the crows are finally assembled.

And so, the crows fight together for a while, I nerd out historically, have some period-typical attitude moments that are now looked down upon but I think relevant to the characters in this AU, and then I wrap it up.

They all get discharged and sent home around the same time (about two months apart from Wylan to Kaz):

Wylan is first. He gets shot in battle (he lives but he couldn't fight anymore).

Inej gets ill and they find out she has an STI (from her past, so she's had it for a while) and they send her home (she gets cured eventually but it made her two sick to work and they didn't want anyone else to get it).

Jesper gets his leg broken (and treated, unlike Kaz), but he has to go home because it's a nasty break.

Nina gets attacked by a prisoner and is injured and sent home.

Matthias (idk if I'm going to kill him or not 😔 It was war after all, but I love Helnik soooo?) currently is scheduled to be shot in battle and sent home.

Kaz applies for honorable discharge because of his leg getting worse (but truly it's because he needed to be with his crows)

In a series of tiring immigration processes (and some Kazzle Dazzle) Wylan, Nina (French), Matthias, all get American green cards and go live in America because it's deemed the safest place to be at the moment out of where all of them are from.

Wesper live happily ever after (in secret because homophobia), Helnik eventually get married and settle down and have a few kids, and Kanej go to city Hall and get married but live separately for a while and their relationship is slow and safe and healthy and we love them being happy together 🤗🥰

They all have annual Christmas parties and usually meet whenever they can (they live near-ish each other but not close enough to see each other everyday) and their kids get along quite well and they build their own little families from the one they found during the war. The end.

Thoughts 👀 (this was a long ass ask I'm sorry bestie 😅🙈)

Bestie, I am a decrepit little Victorian child and this is like the scriptures from Heaven

I am FROTHING at the mouth, BESTIE!!!!!! please let me find you some music for this oh please oh please oh please i beg i will get down on my knees and beg ww2 music is everything to me

Colonel Kaz!!!! Very impressive, sir, should I curtsey? (omg, please let either Wylan or mattie snark at him like that when they first meet)

Kaz deciding to keep fighting the Nazis even though he's a dumbass and has a broken leg, we love a hero

Inej!!!!!!!! My beloved, in the WRAF!!! Kind of like my great grandpa except not really cos he was a bloke!!!!

I would trust Inej to be a nurse for me. I really, really would

Inej 👏 is 👏 more 👏 than 👏 her 👏 relationship 👏 status 👏 👏

Engineer Jesper!!!!! Ajsiskrbgnamqosnffh!!!!!!!!

Jesper being good with metal and guns!!!!! Hehehehehehehehehehehe, I love how you've included his Grisha powers in the au so well!

Jesper would be good to have as a sniper during sweeps through occupied cities. Never misses and all

PLEASE let him and Wylan have little nerdy talks!!! Please oh please oh pleeeeaaaassssseeeee!!!!! I desperately need them to be nerds together, for my SURVIVAL

Nina nurse and translator, now I should definitely curtsey!

JESUS CHRIST SHE SPEAKS A LOT OF LANGUAGES, I CAN BARELY SPEAK ENGLISH AND IM VAGUELY GRASPING SPANISH. NINA, MY QUEEN, THOU ART A GODDESS

Some random soldier: That nurse Nina is so rude!

Kaz: I like her

Some random soldier, sensing the end is nigh: Well, um, I mean, she's, uh, she... *clears throat* she alright. I suppose. For a woman

Jesper seeing Wylan being dragged out to have his hair shaved off and thinking "but his hair's so pretty, they can't do that". Cos Jesper is OBSESSED with Wylan's hair, I swear

Wylan with the homemade bombs, we love an entrepreneur

Oh nooo, the Germans killed Jannnnn, how truly awfulllll, he didn't deserve that at allllllllll

Dutch Wylan, ooooooo!!! I like that! (fun fact, me and my friend were trying to find Holland cos we wanted to work out where it was for soc reasons and cos we both do History rather than Geography, we didn't know Holland was also The Netherlands. So we spent about 15 minutes staring at a map of Europe, passing over the Netherlands quite a bit, and going "but where's Holland")

I want to learn Dutch. I think it really suits Wylan, awesome!

Ah ha, Jarls Brum, so nice to see you again *sharpens blade*

New achievement unlocked: Matthias Helvar has reached status Prisoner. Again.

Kaz: Hey, can we let this Swedish conscript guy we took prisoner fight with us?

Haskell: WTF, no, that's a terrible idea

Kaz: I see. But also *presents Haskell with a small piece of paper* this might change your mind

Haskell: This is just 'I can do what I want' written on the back of a leave permission slip

Kaz: 🖕Exactly

Nerdy history facts!!!!!! Gimme gimme gimme!!!!

Poor Wylan 😔😔😔 I hope he threw a bomb at whoever shot him

POOR INEJ!!!! OMG, poor love!

Jesper, in his letters back to the front: Hey, Kaz, we match now

Kaz: Absolutely fuck you, I will strip you of your title

Jesper: What title, you never promoted me

Kaz: I will promote you just to strip you of your title

Jesper: Can I be a general?

Kaz: No.

Nina noooo!

Matthias could be shot kinda bad and then you can include the shit about blood transfusions being experimental in ww2. But OBVIOUSLY he survives (even though the survival rate for blood transfusion was maddeningly low when they were first invented) and then he gets to go to America to recoverrrrrr

French Nina, I like it!!!!

Secret wesper secret wesper secret wesper secret wesper secret wesper secret wesper secret wesper secret wesper

History books years later: Wylan Van Eck and Jesper Fahey were both discharged from the army at similar times. After a short recovery period, they bought a house together in [whatever US state]. Wylan Van Eck at the time did not have an American Green Card so this was the only way he could continue living in Ally territory. They were often seen out together in public and neither of them ever married, despite Jesper Fahey having been quite a flirt in his youth. They were described by close friends as "joined at the hip" and are one of WW2s most enduring friendships

Bestie, I'm fucking OBSESSED

Annual Christmas parties, love it. And all the kiddos!!!!

Bestie, bestie, bestie. Do not apologise for this MASTERPIECE. I have been fed enough to last throughout the winter

[thepixelelf]

and the universe said,

04 “it won't make sense”

genres/tags: soulmate au, idol au, comedy, romance, dumbassery relationship(s): ot13 x reader chapter warnings: 18+. language, conversation about sex note: reminder that I don't know these guys <3 I'm just writing characters <3

When soulmates are suddenly thrust upon the world, you are one in a million who wishes they weren’t – and that’s before you meet the person (people?!) making your life much harder than it needs to be. And before someone asks you to sign an NDA.

series masterlist

prev ⭒ chapter four (1.9k) ⭒ next

The oven on the ninth floor of complex 8, in the apartment belonging to two humans whose names were starting to become familiar, was not always an oven. Some years ago, it was sixteen million stars. 

It knows the humans who will come through the door one by one, some with mussed hair and bloated cheeks, some with eyes that shine with their own stars, all linked together, are in trouble. It knows that the human in front of it, whose name it almost recalls, who has used it many times, is giving much more work into something than he will receive in return for some time.

The oven tries to warn him. The universe, which the oven knows well, does not make mistakes. However, the universe presides over pain just the same as it does over love, and the oven, which was once sixteen million stars, beeps to warn him as such. 

⭒

"Your timer's up," Wonwoo informs, though Mingyu can hear it just as well as he can.

Mingyu just frowns, confusion writing itself on his features as he pauses rinsing the vegetables in the sink to look at the oven. "I didn't set a timer though…"

Wonwoo shrugs. "Must be broken."

⭒

[vernon] anyone who wants free food come to mingyu and wonwoos apt

[wonwoo] please [wonwoo] the fridge is so full

[mingyu] it’s not for you heathens!!

[wonwoo] I can’t even sit at the table to eat anymore there’s so much food

[soonyoung] free food 👀

[chan] on my way

[junhui] 🏃‍♂️💨

[myungho] i’ll come too [myungho] mingyu’s food is always good

[mingyu] thank you! [mingyu] it’s still not for you tho!!!

[vernon] mingyu somethings burning

[mingyu] OHG FUV

Eyes only half open, Seungcheol holds his phone over his face while he blinks himself awake. It’s one of those days where he can actually sleep in for once, and maybe he could use the rest — he hasn’t been sleeping too peacefully since this whole mystery soulmate idea sprouted up — but he mulls over the texts, the last one sent only nine minutes ago. Burned free food is still free food.

He opens Wonwoo and Mingyu’s apartment door to be blasted with a maelstrom of scents, savory and sweet, and he doesn’t even acknowledge the others while he finds himself a pair of chopsticks and picks up a piece of pork from an ornately dressed dish.

Mingyu smacks his hand, which doesn’t make him drop anything because when it comes to food, Seungcheol is no pushover, but he does pause and give Mingyu a questioning, dirty look. He opens his mouth to ask what Mingyu’s problem is — there are dishes covering every inch of the kitchen island, enough to feed a small army or maybe half the group — but Chan cuts in and says, “You look like a zombie.”

And then he’s the one on the receiving end of Seungcheol’s death glare.

Seungcheol realizes then that the rest of the guys in the apartment are just sitting or standing around, no utensils in hand and no servings of any of the various dishes in front of them. Mingyu pries the chopsticks out of Seungcheol’s hand while he observes the room, then returns to the stove to cook more food that apparently isn’t for eating. Wonwoo stands on the opposite end of the kitchen, leaning against a wall with an unimpressed nonchalance as he watches Mingyu flit around between burners and cutting boards. Soonyoung and Vernon are sitting together at the island, looking at something on Soonyoung’s phone and discussing whatever that is. Minghao, Jun, and Chan sit at the table, which is just as piled with food. None of them touch it, though.

Turning back to Mingyu, Seungcheol has to ask, “What is happening right now?”

“Cooking for my soulmate,” Mingyu answers. Like it’s that simple.

“Oh, okay.” Then he blinks. “Wait, what?”

Mingyu’s eyes and hands don’t stray from his current task. He simply repeats himself like Seungcheol didn’t hear him. “I’m cooking for my soulmate.”

Seungcheol did hear him the first time, though. It’s just that what he said made absolutely no sense. “You don’t… We don’t— You haven’t even met them.”

“Only a matter of time,” Mingyu says with a shrug while he tosses some sliced mushrooms in a pot.

Seungcheol looks around, a desperate plea to find out if he’s the only sane one in the room, but Soonyoung and Vernon’s eyes are glued to that phone, and the guys at the table avoid Seungcheol’s exasperation, Chan curling his lips between his teeth before he turns to stare into some corner. Wonwoo is the only one who meets his eyes.

“I’ve been trying to tell him,” he says, nudging his glasses up his face.

“Hyung,” Vernon chimes in, looking over at Mingyu. “What if the food goes bad before they can eat it?”

For the first time, Mingyu pauses, like the thought just now reached his brain and he needs a second to process it. His brow furrows, and he frowns, eyes roaming over all the food he’s left on every flat surface in the kitchen and dining area. “Practice…” he mutters. “It’s practice, then. Gotta make sure it’s perfect for them.”

Chan perks up. “We can be your taste testers. Y’know, to make sure it’s perfect.”

“Once you meet them, you should make fresh food,” Jun adds.

Mingyu nods along, eyes widening, and he hurriedly gestures his hands towards the food.

The boys dig in.

Partway through his second bowl, Seungcheol has half the mind to think he should save some food for the vocal unit, who can’t indulge in Mingyu’s cooking because they’re at that radio show thing. There’s more than enough for them to eat for lunch. His eyes roam the table, wondering which dishes would be best for reheating when he hears, “Do you think our soulmate will be more into silver, or gold?”

Seungcheol looks over at Chan, who has a spoon in one hand, mindlessly lifting food to his mouth, and his phone in the other as he scrolls through it. “These gold ones are so pretty,” Chan mutters to himself. “But silver is more classy…”

Mouth dropping slightly, Seungcheol gapes at Chan. “You’re not— you’re not buying a ring, are you?”

Chan snorts, a chuckle rumbling from his throat as he shares a cheeky glance with Jun across the table. “Obviously not.”

Seungcheol hadn’t even realized he’d tensed up, but he lets himself relax with an exhale. Okay. Good. Maybe he was just overthinking—

“I don’t know their ring size yet,” Chan shoots down Seungcheol’s hopes like they never stood a chance in the first place. “I’m just browsing designs.”

Lost, Seungcheol can only stammer. “You— They— It’s not…”

Vernon stands from his seat to walk over to Chan and puts one hand on the table so he can lean over his shoulder. He points at something on Chan’s phone. “I like that one.”

“Right?” Chan looks up at Vernon. “For a second I was like, hm, but the more I look at it, the more I like it. Ooh, wait, look at this one…”

Maybe Seungcheol should get his ears and eyes checked, or comb through the food to see if there are any shrooms in it, because, surely, this is a hallucination. Once again, he looks at the other members for any sign of intelligent life, but Jun seems to be listening intently to Chan’s opinions on teardrop-cut gems, and while Minghao isn’t actively participating in the conversation yet, he avoids Seungcheol’s cry-for-help eyes anyway. Soonyoung and Mingyu completely ignore him, Soonyoung still engrossed with his phone and Mingyu with his cooking. And the killing blow, Wonwoo’s got his airpods in, watching some gaming stream while he eats and effectively dead to the rest of the world.

“I read that soulmates share a lot of similar tastes, regardless of differences in personality,” Minghao tells Chan, who looks up and nods at the new, helpful information.

He tilts his head after a second, though. “But there are thirteen of us…”

Jun holds his hands open in front of his face. “They only have ten fingers,” he mumbles under his breath. With a determined huff, he crosses his arms and leans forward on the table, fixing Chan with a serious look. “I wanna choose the ring.”

“Guys…” Seungcheol tries to say, but he can’t think of what words to follow up with.

“I saw somewhere that the pull is strengthened by touch,” Vernon says, unhelpful to Seungcheol’s silent cause.

Minghao frowns up at him. “I thought it soothed the pull?”

“Either way—” Mingyu calls over from the kitchen, stirring something in a pan. “I bet their hugs are the best.”

More than a few hopeful smiles appear at that.

Soonyoung finally sits up straighter and lowers his phone to the countertop. “I heard the sex is like—” He brings both hands up to his temples in fists, then mimics the sound of an explosion low in his throat and flexes his fingers out. 

There’s the slightest hint of pink starting to blush on Chan’s cheeks, but his eyes glimmer as he goes, “Really?”

Soonyoung smiles wide and nods. “Some guy said it was like he took six different aphrodisiacs at once.”

“Whoa…” Vernon breathes out.

“I know, right!” Soonyoung is admittedly as playful and cheery as he usually is, just for reasons Seungcheol can’t quite wrap his head around. “I bet—” He gasps, loudly, mouth wide open as he covers it with a dramatic hand. “Oh my god. What if I cum early?? What if I cum so hard I die?!”

The cringe that takes over Seungcheol is so strong that he grimaces with his whole face and drops his chopsticks. His appetite just pulled a Houdini. “What the fuck, Soonyoung. The last thing I wanna hear while I'm eating is anything about your…” He can’t even say it.

Minghao, at least, seems to hold the same opinion, scrunching his nose and slowly pushing his plate away from him. Worryingly though, Chan seems to furrow his eyebrows, staring at a point in front of him while he considers his own — eugh — stamina.

“Look, guys.” Seungcheol figures he should set things straight. “We’re under clear instructions to not even look for this person—”

“Soulmate,” Jun corrects.

“Sure, whatever. We’re not supposed to search for them. Plus, these marks are vague as hell. They barely ever sing and when they do, it doesn’t even give us any useful information on them anyhow.” Seungcheol doesn’t let himself be swayed by the discouraged faces his words cause. “The company told us not to look for them, and the odds of them randomly running into us is low enough that you—” He looks at Chan. “—should absolutely not be ring shopping, and this idiot—” He points over at Mingyu. “—shouldn’t be wasting food on someone who isn’t here to eat it. And we should all calm down because, seriously, do you guys all believe one hundred percent that this whole soulmate thing is real?”

His final word plunges the apartment into silence, everyone except Wonwoo (who's still engrossed in his nerd shit) staring at Seungcheol with blank expressions. For a good few seconds, no one says anything, but then Minghao turns away from Seungcheol and twists a bit to face Chan. He speaks quietly, a clear exclusion effect to the newfound outsider Seungcheol is starting to feel like.

“I want a say on the ring, too.”

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updates for and the universe said, are not on a schedule. there is no taglist. thank you for reading!

[asukaskerian]

So,what's going on back at base while Grimmjow and Ichigo are off in the woods giving each other crises of the "Oh no I want to keep him"/ "Oh no I want to (can't) protect him" variety? Specifically how do the fraccion find out about and take "Eyy your ex-squad leader was due for a heat and fucked off to Japan"? I was rereading and realized there might be a Grimmjow/fraccion reunion scene and now I'm just 👀 👀 👀 maybe the pack bond will be enough to dodge the E tu, Brute? but maybe NOT. Or maybe the "We would've come with you"/"That's why I didn't tell you" exchange mmmm hell yeah

God or if the fraccion don't find out until the first group's already tried and failed to re-capture Grimmjow so it's not "He's AWOL" it's "He fought off the retrieval team and is now on the run with a CIVILIAN COLLEGE STUDENT"/ "He fucking WHAT"/ "Yeah they fucked too but that's not the point". Plus whatever fallout from "They're able and planning to break his wolf-bond".

Every possible route is so tragically far from puppy piles tho -sobsob-

(psychic wolves grimmichi AU!)

oh my god the fraccion why are you making me have feels about the fraccionnnn how dare you T^T

tbh. grimmjow didn't tell them shit because telepath wolves who don't fully get secrecy can let things slip out and the best way to keep a secret is to not think about it and just go with the flow. which considering how instinctive he is, he's not too bad at it, but he really hates having to repress all his bad thoughts. his "next heat i'm just gonna take my wolf away into the woods" idea was a vague daydream until pantera went into heat and then it was "lalala we're going on a LOOONG walk and having fun idly playing at not being tracked but it's not that serious".

he has been doing a LOT of going-with-the-flow and masking seditious thoughts under plausible-deniability sarcasm and afterthoughts. if he had told his fraccion it would have become a planned desertion in his head, and then in their heads, and then it would have been serious business requiring real planning, and have given them nervous tension that the wolves wouldn't have managed to hide, and they would have been caught and punished.

so yeah, he kept them out of it. he was just wandering off on a bout of moodiness. nothing to see here, but only as long as he didn't think about how much worse than that it was.

it's not a question of them wanting to sell him out. after being a psychically bonded hunting pack for a couple years he knows the parameters under which he can trust them, and none of them really love aizen all that much, so he wouldn't have been too concerned about them trying to sell him out. but they all have males, so they don't get it, and they aren't allowed to participate in pantera's heats because that would bond them too tightly, so he kept it to himself and played the cool guy about it. how much he couldn't deal wasn't something he thought of telling them for even one second.

anyway they're gonna be pretty pissed off when they catch up, and especially because some of them like it in aizen's little army and weren't planning to leave it. but idk how much i want to write about that. the fic might skip it entirely, which, good because it's big enough for a QUICK HEAT PORN FIC. hnnnn.

[librius]

tell us about your Minecraft men

sobbing and crying and whimpering and whining i have so many minecraft ones the main ones being grian and scar And ren and martyn these guys have been sosososoSOSOSOSO good through the life series theyre driving me Insane

grian and scar are the complete Opposite of what youd think a team would be, theyre only together because grian pledged his loyalty because of an accidental death but then???? then????? After hes repaid his debt he decides to stay with scar?? Even though he doesnt have to Even though the alliance is actively detrimental to him Even though Even though 🥺🥺🥺🥺 and then they WIN against all odds this scrappy duo they Win theyre the last two standing and its incredible genuinely. except there can only be. One Winner. so they end up beating each other to death with only their fists, no armor, no weapons, no nothing. and once grian wins, he throws himself over a cliff.

second season they avoid each other but its so... Intense in a different way? theyre avoiding each other but they keep running into each other and scar is so so so alone even though he and grian keep Seeing each other for some reason. Neither of them win that season

third season, our most recent and currently ongoing. theyre soulmates. Literally Appointed By Game soulmates, stuck together again whether they want to be or not and theyre So Much they dont want anything to do with each other theyre building a house to live in together grian is trying to seduce other men theyre playing with tnt together i just. *shakes you* AAAAAUUUUGHRHGHGHHJH

as for martyn and ren. GOD. first season they decide tobset up shop together, they spend the rest of the season glued to the hip, you couldnt separate them if you tried. martyn holds a grudge the entire season because somebody disrespected ren in one of the first episodes and ren doesnt even care anymore. theyre so So loyal to one another they build a home together they bargain together. ren declares himself king and without a question martyn becomes his right hand man, sticking with him every step of the way. these nerds do fucking game of thrones roleplay and make silly accents when theyre playing kingdom. in a big huge ceremony ren hands martyn an axe and asks him to lop off his head so that he can Properly defend the two of them and their castle, but also to prove his loyalty to martyn. he then gives Martyn the opportunity to kill him The Final Time, to take over their kingdom, their castle, as a final test of loyalty. and he wont do it. the two of them build up an army, friends, allies. they lose in the end. they lose their home and their lives. they dont even get to see each other in their final moments of life. ren dies first, falling, within the walls of their own kingdom, and martyn wasnt even at his side to protect him, too far across the courtyard. before martyn even gets a chance to register, to mourn, hes slain as well. both dying and dead within the walls of the very kingdom they built to protect them

they avoided one another in the second season, and in the current season they both have different soulmates, but i heard in the most recent episodes theyve been pairing up again? 👀👀 havent been able to watch for myself yet but im very very Very interested

[mamingle]

You know, Dethrix, despite how terrible of a father he was.... Actually, did more so useful things. I mean, to stop monsters and humans from fighting each other (even enslaving them, maybe executing. He could had done it) and keeping a strict kingdom for a pretty long time takes alot. I just. Well, think about Sepulchure and Alteon and their war... And uh. Yeah

Also Alteon and Brethan (whatever his name is) are dumb. "Ah yes, the king/i am turning into chaos monster and our kingdom is invaded by these chaos monsters. Guess its a good day to play the wedding!". And then Drakath is to blame. He probably got headtrauma himself from facepalming like i did

-puffshroom/mushroom anon

HELLO AGAIN SHROOM :D man, you are on a roll with these asks lately akshshf

(And with game lore too 👀 you might wanna buckle up for this one because you just activated my brain worms and this is gonna be a long post. Hope you don't mind my 2AM ramblings XD)

YES, I can totally agree that, compared to Alteon and Sepulchure, Dethrix is objectively the more effective ruler/dictator, considering he did rule his kingdom unchallenged for almost 30 years (or, at least, based on the timeline that Alina provided back in 2018 on Twitter, I'm going to link that post at the end of this tangent).

However, he DID rule his kingdom with an iron fist and was more known for using fear to control his subjects over being an actually decent King. If I remember correctly from Drakath's journals, the only reason humans and monsters stopped fighting is because he enslaved the human population, killed off majority of the different factions that opposed him (ex. Good Knights, Dragonlords, Frogzard Riders, ect.) and gave power to monster underlords, so regular humans were practically powerless under his reign. The only reason he got dethroned is because he underestimated Alteon (which, okay, I can't really blame him XD)

Plus I'm PRETTY sure he was already in kahoots with the Queen of Monsters if Anka's dialogue about Drakath's backstory is anything to go by, so that's probably where he got his monster army from

So yeah, great dictator, horrible father, not surprising there XD

Alteon and Brentan though. . .

OKAY, I can kinda excuse Alteon's decision to continue Brittany's wedding because he was deeply under the influence of Chaos and wasn't in the best state of mind

(Although now it makes me wonder WHY none of his daughters or Brentan thought it was a good idea to, I don't know, ask him to DELAY the wedding until the Chaos War is over???)

But that isn't to say that Alteon has not made some. . . questionable decisions in the past.

"Ah yes, let me exile the evil King's son, who wasn't even 10 YEARS OLD at that time, simply for the crime of being born in the previous regime. That won't backfire at all :)"

"Ah yes, General Lionfang, my most loyal soldier who's TOTALLY not been committing various human rights violations behind my back, I entrust you to get information about the Darkblood's most sacred relic that can potentially cure my condition even though your distaste for all things evil are known far and wide. I'm sure you won't stab me in the back :D"

AND BRENTAN. OH MY GOD, BRENTAN.

That guy was NEVER meant to be a King, good lord. He's the Guardian of the Neverglades, so his expertise most likely revolves around more on combat than leadership, and he was probably only picked to be Brittany's glorified bodyguard while Brittany was meant to take over the royal duties in the relationship. Man was just unlucky enough that his Queen-wife died seconds after the marriage LMAO

I like Brentan as a character, but he should probably just leave the royal duties to Victoria if he knows what's good for the kingdom askfkashfgh

SO YEAH, RANT OVER :D if you couldn't already tell, I LOVE lore discussions, so this was really interesting! Thanks for the brain worms Shroom <3

2018 Timeline:

https://twitter.com/Alina_AE/status/1015328522569576448?s=20&t=VV4cvj4LXmzsjfHWgeE6qA

[moving-to-sweet2tangy]

I've just gotta ask how the warlords would react to an MC who was a total goofball and just had to explain all of her pop culture references from the present! 👀

I’m so sorry this took so long but OMG I LOVE THIS ASK!! Thanks for the request!! 💕✨ Also sorry if some of these memes are ancient, I just have a thing for dead memes.

Oda Forces

Nobunaga: It was a bright sunny day, and you and Nobunaga were carrying huge bags of konpeito inside the castle. Just as you stepped inside you almost dropped yours, but managed to catch it much to the his relief. You weren’t thinking as you shouted “Hurricane Katrina?! More like Hurricane Konpeito!” and began laughing to yourself. Nobunaga’s confused face was enough to make you laugh harder, and after you explained the joke to him he smiled a bit. “Ah I see. As devastating as hurricanes may be, that’s a funny joke.”

Hideyoshi: You, Hideyoshi, and the other warlords were back home from a council in another city. The two of you decided to lead the horses you were riding back home on to the stable as the rest of the warlords filed inside the castle. “Ok (Name), I want you to take the horses to the stable while I go fetch some carrots for them,” he said. As soon as he turned around, you said, “So I take the horses to the back?” “Yes”. “Horse tack is attached?” “Um… sure.” “Hat is matte black?” “…What?” “Got the boots that’s black to match?” “Um, (Name), my boots are white—” You were laughing hysterically the entire time while Hideyoshi just looked like O_o. When you explained the reference to Hideyoshi he was still confused, but decided to keep that to himself as he shrugged and walked away to get the carrots.

Masamune: (Some of you may not recognize this reference lol. I’m referring to a game/show called Sengoku Basara, where Masamune Date is a main character. Please play/watch it, it’s super good!) While the two of you rode on one horse into battle, you were suddenly struck with an amazing idea. You lightly tapped Masamune’s shoulder, earning his attention. “Yeah (Name)?” “I have a request,” you said. “Um, ok, what is it?” You giggles and replied “I want you to shout the phrase “ARE YOU READY GUYS?!” at the top of your lungs.” As confused as he was, he followed your directions, earning a “YEAH!!!” from everyone behind both of you, and it was so perfect you almost cried. After the battle, when you explained the reference to him, he grinned. “Wow, I never expected to be such a big star in your modern world.” Since then, he always did the same thing, earning an enthusiastic response from his army each time.

Mitsunari: You were waiting for Mitsunari to finish getting dressed so you could go out for a stroll. As soon as he stepped out of the room your eyes were drawn to the pair of god awful sandals he was wearing. Your mouth twitched slightly as he smiled at you. “Let’s go (Name)!” He chirped before you couldn’t fight the urge anymore. “O-Ok Mitsunari,” you said. “But I have one question for you.” He tilted his head. “What is it?” He said. You clapped and pointed your hands at his shoes. “WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSE?!” You shouted, catching him off guard. He blinked and replied, “Sandals, (Name),” he said, and you laughed hysterically. After you explained it to him he was still left confused. “So, you weren’t actually asking me what these are?” You giggled. “Let’s y’all about it later,” you said, taking his arm and walking outside.

Ieyasu: You and Ieyasu were sitting inside of your room, sitting in silence as you both enjoyed the calm and peaceful quietness. However, that came to an end when you heard a crash come from outside, followed by Masamune yelling “Dammit!” “And I OOP—” you said instinctively, sipping your tea. Ieyasu gave you an incredulous look. “And you what???” You spit out your tea, coughing loudly while laughing hysterically, making him grow a bit concerned, before composing yourself and explaining. He rolled his eyes after you were finished. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” he said, but you didn’t fail to notice a spark of amusement in his eyes.

Mitsuhide: One day, you decided to prank Mitsuhide by telling him that you accidentally killed his fox. You approached him and tried to sound as convincing as possible, but he didn’t buy it for a second. When you asked him how he can never be fooled he said, “I can see the truth in your eyes, (Name),” before turning and walking away. However, before he could exit he heard you sing, “How can you see into my eyes like open doooooors.” He turned around, confused, until you explained it to him. Now both of you sing it together everyday (cue annoyed warlords)

Ranmaru: You were sitting outside, enjoying the breeze, until you heard footsteps approaching you. You looked up to see Ranmaru holding a basket with a smile on his face. “Hello Lady (Name!)” he said, and you smiled. “Hello Ran,” you returned the greeting. “What’s that in your hands?” He smiled. “It’s a surprise!” He kneeled down and opened the basket, revealing an interesting looking dessert. Just before he could tell you what it was, you spoke. “OwO! What’s this?” You said, watching his face go blank in confusion. ““O-Owoh”???” He asked. You howled with laughter, confusing him even more. Once you told him the reference, his confusion turned into awe as he clapped his hands excitedly. “Oh that’s so neat! Things from the future sound so interesting!!!” He beamed. “Oh and by the way,” he continued, picking up a piece of the food. “These are red bean buns.”

Uesugi-Takeda Forces

Kenshin: On a Sunday afternoon, you and Kenshin were busy sparring in preparation for your next battle. Just as he was about to strike at you, you deflected his sword, sending it flying and landing on the grass. “Dammit,” he muttered under his breath while panting slightly. “I should’ve attacked you from behind.” You saw this as the perfect opportunity to make the best meme reference you had the entire day. “BUT’CHA DIDN’T!!!” You yelled and burst out laughing, confusing the man beyond belief. Soon his expression turned sour. “Ok, you don’t have to rub it in,” he said, making you laugh even more. After you calmed down and explained that it’s a funny little reference from pop culture in your timeline, he himself let out a chuckle. “You definitely love referencing this “pop culture” of yours don’t you?” He asked, before he went to pick up his sword for the next round.

Shingen: You and Shingen has gone out to a tea house on a date that you’d planned since forever. Unfortunately the moment you entered, you were greeted with nothing but rows of full seats. Your beloved sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Well, looks like we won’t have anywhere to sit today.” You both were about to leave until your eye caught a vacant table in the corner of the room. “It’s free real estate,” you said and grabbed his hand before he could ask you what the heck you just said. When you reached the table he questioned that weird remark of yours, and you laughed in reply, explaining the meme to him. He chuckled slightly. “That’s pretty funny. And it makes sense too. You always find a way to make me laugh (Name),” he said just before the maid approached your table to take your orders.

Yukimura: Yukimura and you were at home, and since you felt rather creative, you decided to cook lunch for the day. The main course was going to be sushi, so you and Yukimura went to the marketplace to buy the ingredients. While you strolled around looking at the vegetables, you felt someone tap your shoulder. You turned around and saw Yukimura holding an avocado in your direction. You immediately suppressed your laughter before taking it. “An avocado! …thanks,” you said before putting it in your basket. Yukimura has the most confused expression known to man and you couldn’t help but guffaw. After you explained the meme, he rolled his eyes. “Only you would laugh at something as dumb as that,” he said as he turned around, trying not to burst out laughing himself.

Sasuke: (I saw an IkeSen Vine Compilation video which included this vine so I just had to as well—) The Kasugayama warlords decided to take you to the beach to celebrate your birthday. The moment you arrived you were hit with the pure breeze and scent of ocean water before you and the others carried your belongings to the sand. As soon as everything was set up, you and Sasuke looked at eachother before shouting “SAND GUARDIAN” at the top of your lungs in unison. You and the ninja ran towards the shore before he practically dived into the sand and popped his head out. He then shouted “I AM THE SAND GUARDIAN, GUARDIAN OF THE SAND,” at the top of his lungs, and you followed that up by collapsing on top of him yelling “POSEIDON QUIVERS BEFORE HIM!!!”, and as the sea rolled towards him, Sasuke screamed “FUCK OFF” making both of you laugh. Meanwhile the other three warlords watched the entire display with confused expressions.

Yoshimoto: It was your birthday and Yoshimoto had planned a mini party for you. As soon as you entered the decorated room with him you automatically said “SKSKSKSKSKSKSK” as loud as possible. The poor man jumped backwards in surprise, making you burst out laughing. When you explained the meme to him he tilted his head. “VSCO Girl?? That sounds interesting. Though I like those hair tie things you showed me. ‘Scrunchies’ I think…?” You almost collapsed laughing.

Mouri/Kennyo Forces

Motonari: You were waiting for Motonari to board the ship so that you could finally set sail once again. As soon as you heard approaching footsteps you immediately turned around, only to find him holding a pineapple with a smug look on his face. “Look what I found lying around the shore all by itself!” He said, proudly showing it off to you. You were about to congratulate him until the theme song of a certain show popped in your head. Without thinking, you immediately spouted “WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA? SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!!!” Motonari’s shocked face made you cackle, and then you told him about Spongebob, to which he rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Hm…” he said while staring at the pineapple. “So this is where Spongebob lives? Very well, he seems like an interesting fellow so I’ll leave his house in tact.” You suppressed your laughter as he walked out.

Kennyo: Kennyo watched you sharpen spears in concern. As much as he appreciated your willingness to fight he couldn’t help but feel worried for your wellbeing. He approached you, wincing slightly with every scrape you left on the blade. “(N-Name),” he said and you looked up. “Are you sure you are ready to take on yet a million more enemies? Especially with so many bruises?” You laughed a bit and grinned. “Don’t worry Ken. I’ve got the power of God and anime on my side,” you said before letting out a cackle. The monk had never been more confused in his entire life. “Aneemay?” He said. You almost died laughing before you explained what anime was and the entire meme itself. Despite his confusion he smiled and ruffled your hair. “That’s definitely interesting. After the battle I’d like to hear more about this interesting “aneemay” you seem to like so much.” You nodded, grinning.

[arr-jim-lad]

you post a lot about part 3 dio (not that there's anything wrong with that!), but what about part 1 dio? got any interesting facts or trivia to gush about? 👀

I touched upon part 1 Dio before here as part of the analysis of his ideology, and here, where I presented a possible idea of what drives him

Aside from this, I haven’t really written that much about part 1 Dio because I feel like he’s still kinda searching for himself at that point. He becomes a vampire and most of what we see of him from then on is really just him experimenting with his new abilities and learning about his new state of being.

Most of the vampiric abilities he uses within Part 1 are him pushing his new body to its absolute extremes; for example dropping his temperature so low that he can literally freeze people, or heating up and compressing the liquid in his eyes so much that he can pop his pupils open and shoot the liquid out like a laser which can cut through stone.

By the way, I was planning to make its own post about this, but it fits well here; In case you didn’t know, yes, that is what Space Ripper Stingy Eyes attack is. It’s not lasers. It’s Dio literally ripping his pupils open to charge up and shoot a straight shot of liquid that’s so hot it can burn through anything.

I’ve seen people question why he doesn’t use this attack in part 3, but there are honestly several reasons. An attack like this is and has always been used as a very last resort. This is even further established in Eyes of Heaven;

If Dio is the first character KO’d in this game, he will shoot a Space Ripper Stingy Eyes attack straight forward and will actually be able to damage the enemy in his sight before he dies. It’s a last-ditch effort type attack.

Its aim is terrible, as he can only shoot it straight forward, and there seems to be a tiny bit of charging time before he can shoot it. Add that to the fact that he’s likely completely blind during the attack, and you have a perfect blend for a “attacks not to use in a stand battle, especially against Star Platinum” smoothie.

Another thing that happens in part 1 when he becomes a vampire is, that he starts building a more extreme ideology, but that gets changed quite a bit later on as he spends 100 years alone in a coffin.

Now, DIO is obviously very comfortable in being evil, but he doesn’t flaunt it quite as much. DIO settles in Egypt and runs his little operations and projects in secret, not really disturbing the local population as much. His end-goal would affect the entire world, but he doesn’t seem to want to rule the world, that’s not what he’s after. He’s matured.

Young Dio on the other hand... takes over and eats an entire town of WIndknight’s Lot and then turns its residents into his evil zombie army.

Young Dio is HIGH on that power and therefore makes a lot of big, essentially useless moves. He’s testing and tasting his new life as a vampire and he absolutely revels in it.

One thing I love that I don’t see many people bring up is how creative he is. Half of his zombies are mishmash monsters that HE built. He got SUPER into chimeras and had obviously an absolute blast making them.

Look at some of these guys;

Look at how PROUD he is of them!! He’s SHOWING THEM OFF! Absolutely adorable.

A lot of people also apparently fail to realize the importance of these experiments because I often see people ask what the point of the dog-men was. Whether Dio ever planned to sue it this way or not, perfecting his flesh transmutation skill was the one and only reason he survived. That was the same skill he used to fuse his head with Jonathan’s body.

I guess one last thing that comes to mind right now is something I already addressed in its own post; Dio’s anger issues.

I love that Dio is fully aware that anger is one of his biggest weaknesses, and I love that this, mixed with his paranoia, is something that’s notable throughout his character from start to finish. I especially love that Dio, being aware of his anger issues, actively works to subdue them, striving to appear as an extremely calm, smooth, peaceful person to the point of intimidation, because he knows that if he loses grip of his anger, he might do something stupid.

And that’s all I can think of right now!!