#the fabulous gascon

[your-dandy-king]

Magnifique! Look at what @armagnac-army’s ADC has gifted me! A portrait of yours truly!

Aren’t I lovely? 😘. And handsome. And magnificent.

[your-dandy-king]

My dear @general-junot

I STILL CANT BELIEVE CAROLINE SLEPT WITH YOU

Your Fabulous Dandy King shan't be destroying anyone unless it's Davout much less Eugene. I suppose, on the balance, I can't be exactly surprised he's angry at me for that whole thing about the maid and ah, his mother. I did dirty my hands in that, and I've apologized profusely. Of course, he's still angry, and he probably hasn't forgiven me after all this time.

I have no control over what other imaginary iterations of me may choose to do or not do and I take no responsibility for them. However @your-dandy-king will not be participating in any such action.

Hugs and Kisses 💋

- The Fabulous Dandy King

Now that i think about it, perhaps Murat could help you put Eugene on it's place! They seem to have also a conflict

We'll destroy that useless zygote Eugene with the combined power of our obnoxiously fancy outfits >:)

[your-dandy-king]

Updated 30 April 2024

Greetings my loyal subjects and, ahem, others!

It is I, your Dandy King, Joachim Murat! I have finally decided to make -- what is this called again -- a blog for myself. Isn't it lovely? Lannes seemed to be having so much fun, I just couldn't sit by. Even Soult is enjoying this far more than he lets on. I think you call it FOMO, these days, right?

Anyhow, I've decided to change my mind and opened my inbox for your questions and queries. I was, I admit, a little uncertain of this place when I first arrived but, by the by, but I shall deal with it as it comes! Please drop your questions into "The Royal Inbox." I cannot guarantee I can or will answer everything, but I will try.

I will be making my appearances on the blogs of my friends and colleagues as well, so I shall be seeing you around. Ta!

Here's a handy guide to some of those friends, colleagues, and more.

@armagnac-army: Jean Lannes, Duke of Montebello, my buddy Gascon, the Greatest Gascon, that sheep guy

@askgeraudduroc: Geraud Christophe Michel Duroc, Grand Marshal of the Palace, beloved, Duke of Frioul, and Jean-Baptiste Bessières, also beloved, Duke of Istria, hunnybunkins

@le-brave-des-braves: Michel Ney, Duke of Elchingen, that ginger cannonball, do not taunt happy fun Ney

@murillo-enthusiast: Jean de Dieu Soult, Duke of Dalmatia, don't call him Nicolas, master of baked goods, has nothing to do with spotted dogs

@general-junot: Jean Andoche Junot, Duke of Abrantes, unhinged homewrecker

@chicksncash: André Masséna, Duke of Rivoli, Dear Child of Five-Fingered Discounts

@your-staff-wizard: Louis-Alexandre Berthier, Prince of Neuchatel, eternity's paper pusher

@trauma-and-truffles: Dominique-Jean Larrey, who knew that a doctor is still useful when you're dead

@askjackiedavid: Jacques Louis David, painter, mostly harmless

@carolinemurat: Caroline Murat, loving wife and beloved partner, the Queen of Naples

@generaldesaix: Louis Desaix, the prankster of the Grand Armée

@messenger-of-the-battlefield: Marceillin Marbot, one of Lannes' ADCs with uh, interesting perspectives

@perdicinae-observer: Louis-Nicolas Davout, Duke of Auerstadt, the Iron Marshal

@frencheaglet: Napoleon II, the boy!

@alexanderfanboy: 🤨

Jean-Baptiste Bessières occasionally wanders over from @askgeraudduroc, and his text will appear in green. Like this!

This is a joke RP account run by @phatburd for one of Napoleon's marshals and brother-in-law, Joachim Murat. He's not the only Murat out there in Tumblr RP land, and (I think) he peacefully co-exists with them all. All of them are simply facets and mirrors of Joachim Murat, and he loves nothing better to have more of himself around. We are all Murat.

This blog should be considered a 0% source of historical accuracy.

OOC Ramble 30 April 2024: On our Discord server @askgeraudduroc brought up voice claims for our RPs of various Napoleonic figures. Tiny Media's take on Murat earwormed me awhile back, probably due to having grown up in the American South. So in my head, Murat's been speaking with a Texan drawl this whole time.

Historically, Bessières had the same accent as Murat, just not quite as thick, so I've been hearing Bessie in my head with a not-as-thick Texas accent. 👀

I don't like writing in dialect, however, and I've been avoiding it due to not wanting to break immersion but with @askgeraudduroc's blessing, I'm going to drop in a few more Texan-isms into their dialogue. And "Hunnybunnkins." That's my Murat's pet name for Bessie. Is he going to Calle Bessie "Hunnybunnkins"? You betcha!

User icon art by @cadmusfly: Murat striking a Barbie pose on his trusty horse!

[your-dandy-king]

Good morning my lovelies!

Oh, it’s two in the afternoon.

It’s still morning somewhere!

What fine adventures is everyone off to today?

[your-dandy-king]

Marshal Murat, when did you marry Marshal Bessières？

I'm not married to Jean?

He's married to Duroc. I'm @carolinemurat's husband. We just have creative arrangements.

[your-dandy-king]

I'm really missing my kids today.

[your-dandy-king]

My dear sweet @askgeneralduroc

Oh no, I'm not sure quite what happened there, I quite lost control. But rest assured, I'm very happy for you and darling Bessie, and I'm glad he's found happiness with you! There's no one else I'd trust with him and he seems very happy with you! That's all well and good, my friends!

Your little girl is so adorable, and she has his eyebrows! Isn't that lovely!

Really, Bessie? I would have loved to have babies with you. Was I just doing it wrong? They would have been so cute!

Did you want babies so bad, you went and picked someone else who could give them to you?

Hugs and kisses 💋

- Your Dandy King

[your-dandy-king]

Funny, I don't remember those hashish dens being so bad. I certainly can't remember anything bad happening in them that required Napoleon to ban partaking of such exotic delights.

Except for that time Desaix thought he could fly. But we don't talk about that.

However, leaving a Marshal of the Empire tied up like a common criminal is absolutely unacceptable. Lannes, darling, I'm sure you've learned your lesson to never accept chocolate cakes of unknown origin ever again!

Do you have any left?

*unties Lannes*

*yet another knock on the door. This time, it’s larrey.*

Hello, where’s Lannes?

Baron Larrey.

*Soult nods. He’s not a fan of Larrey but he’s even less of a fan of letting Lannes out into the world unchecked. He gestures to Lannes.*

…

DOCTOR LARREY

MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WJILE WIDE WORLD MY MAN

GOOD SIR

I MAY HAVE HAD A WHOLE BOX OF DRUGGED COCOA CAKES AND APPARENTKY SCTED LIKE JUNOT ALL NIGHT BUT I DONT REMEMBER ANY OF THAT SHIT ABD IM FINE NOW

SO

PLEASE

TELL THESE FUCKERS TO UNHAND ME

[your-dandy-king]

*immediately forgets everything else*

She's SO CUTE. I. Am. IN LOVE.

Peek-a-boo! *waves an ostrich feather from his hat in front of Napoleona and tickles her fat baby cheeks with it* Can you say peek-a-boo? Hehehe!

How are you feeling today, Duroc? Staying away from that barbaric Italian food? I've had to get used to it, living in Naples, but nothing beats a good home-cooked tartiflette! How are Bessie and Napoleona doing?

- @your-dandy-king 😘

Hello there, Murat!!! ^7^

Well... I think i would never, NEVER, be able to eat Italian food again Q-Q

I think I might have damaged my stomach forever... But I atleast can get out of bed and do chores!!!

Bessie and Napoleona are very fine!!! Currenly, Bessie is trying to make her say her first words...! °u°

Come on, say papa...! Pa-pa...!

[your-dandy-king]

*shakes that booty*

Of course I am! It's the best part of me, and so I'm glad you agree, my friend! I really wanted that portrait painted in the three-quarters view to get the best side of me, to have it immortalized in oils!

Greetings my loyal subjects and, ahem, others!

It is I, your Dandy King, Joachim Murat! I have finally decided to make -- what is this called again -- a blog for myself. Isn't it lovely? Lannes seemed to be having so much fun, I just couldn't sit by. Even Soult is enjoying this far more than he lets on. I think you call it FOMO, these days, right?

Anyway, your Dandy King proclaims his ask box to be closed.

I can hear your disappointment from here. I am, however, a busy man. I have a kingdom to run, things to see, and people to do. And be fabulous, of course.

I will be making my appearances on the blogs of my friends and colleagues, so never fear, I will be about. Ta!

--@your-dandy-king