#and you know what? i think if i had kids at a reasonable age with a man that loved and respected me instead of at 15 with the decaying
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consistantly-changing · 1 day ago
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[Image descriptions in order: a photo of a sign in a school, which says "don't be a target: Bullies pick on people that they think are weak and quiet. Look the bully in the eye, use a strong voice and tell them you don't like what they are doing and to stop. Then walk away. Next time, the bully may choose somebody else to pick on."
On the sign, there is a simple drawing of a boy in a red shirt with a white number one in the centre, holding his pointer finger up. In front of the boy there is a "no" symbol, followed by the text "to bullying".]
[A Facebook post by Sophie Labelle, which says:
(capitalized) hoo boy. (End capitalization)
I know I should just toss this overstuffed suitcase straight into the nearest dumpster fire, but it'll be much more satisfying to unpack each item and throw it into roaring flames one by one.
That's a very long-winded way of saying "We're a bunch of social darwinists who don't want to do our jobs."
Does whoever created this monstrosity even know the definition of bullying? The bullies know you don't like what they're doing, that's why they're doing it, you dipshits.
The first rule of Survivor Club is that you never fucking turn your back to your abuser. The corollary to the first rule of Survivor Club is that you ESPECIALLY don't fucking turn your back to your abuser right after confronting them. It must be nice to be sheltered enough that you reached adulthood (and then some) without having to learn this.]
[There's a reason that bullies are gonna make life hell for the gender-ambiguous black kid who doesn't make eye contact, and there's a reason why said kid is likely to go quiet. It's because both parties know that school authorities won't lift a finger for an autistic kid, a child of color, or a gender nonconforming kid, let alone someone who's all three. They also know that the minute the victim stands up to their bullies in a way that actually fucking works well enough to get them to back down and go hide behind an adult, that adult will go into Zero Tolerance Mode and punish (only) the victim for being "just as bad."
This poster just feeds into the problem by presenting bullying as an inevitable part of education rather than a choice that humans of all ages can just not make or condone, tacitly or otherwise.
I get the impression that none of the alleged educators at this school ever actually read Lord of the Flies, because if they had, they'd know it was pretty clearly not supposed to be aspirational.]
[And let's not forget
7. If they were gonna give the reader a big "fuck you," they could've at least drawn the right finger.]
[A screenshot of the comments, which say:
Courtney McIntyre: I'm sorry "next time, the bully may choose somebody else to pick on" WHAT? Because THAT'S the correct outcome???
Garnet Shredder: Was just coming here to say this, should've included that on the list too haha
Joe Ricciardelli: No way to stop bullies so we won't try. Good luck kids, try to pass them off to another target.😁👍]
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lovelytsunoda · 2 days ago
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love, actually | robert 'bob' floyd
summary: recently appointed admiral robert floyd feels overwhelmed in his new position, and unprepared to fill the shoes of the late admiral thomas kazansky. when he inherts the job, he also inherits tom's old secretary. cue the romance. inspired by hugh grant's storyline in love, actually
pairing: admiral!bob floyd x secretary!reader
warnings: mentions of death and greif was she secretly in love with that old man (because same) we may never know! mentions of addiction (but not with our two main characters!), can be considered to be a minor part of the heather and tommy universe (see 'tell me something girl (are you happy in this modern world)!) so many navy inaccuracies it would make a real admiral's head spin, professionalism simply does not exist in the pacific fleet
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the office was barren, devoid of the remarkable life that had once occupied it. the large oak desk that had once held family photos and love notes from the admiral's wife was now empty, save for the top of the line desktop computer. admiral kazansky's wife and kids had been by earlier in the week to collect his things. bob hadn't been there, but he'd heard from natasha that it wasn't a pretty sight. she said that heather kazansky looked frail, and slightly lost without her husband of thirty years by her side. tom was her soulmate, and she'd gone through the pain of watching him die slowly.
cancer was a bitch.
this wasn't how he had wanted to come in to the job. although it was no doubt that he was the best man to lead the pacific fleet (and with an endorsement from maverick mitchell, nobody was going to question his appointment.), he was now wondering if he was really ready.
"admiral floyd?"
bob turned around. standing in the doorway in a skirt that was certainly not navy issued, was a tall young woman with round glasses and soft features. she wore no makeup save for the mascara on her eyelashes.
"hi, i'm y/n. i was admiral kazansky's secretary. and, i suppose, i'm now yours." her voice was soft and gentle, like music to bob's ears. "i brought your welcome packet and agenda for the day."
"admiral robert floyd." he stuck his hand out for her to shake, ignoring how clammy his palms suddenly seemed to feel. "but please, call me bob."
"that's your callsign, right? does it mean anything?"
bob rolled his eyes. "baby on board. they call me that because of my youthful appearance."
she laughed briefly, a cheerful and somewhat abrupt sound, before she looked at the empty office, her face falling again. "he was a good man."
"he was." bob agreed somberly.
"i loved that old man, i really did."
for a second, bob felt like something had tripped in his brain. she loved him? it seemed so cliche when he thought about it, but weren't cliches there for a reason? the pretty young secretary with the silver fox admiral. but what about heather? and his kids? he'd been married to heather since 1987, and from what bob knew of the admiral, he was an honorable man in all aspects of life.
this confusion must have shown on bob's face, because the secretary simply laughed, turning to face him with her arms crossed over her baby blue blouse.
"like a father, admiral. admiral kazansky and i were never involved. he was a family man. i'm the same age as his middle child." she didn't know why she was spitting out words like this. divulging too much information would be unprofessional and- "i actually used to go out with his eldest son when i first started working here. i was young and dumb and mitchell kazansky was a few years older and smooth talking. and then i broke up with him and he went to rehab. he's doing good now. he got married four years ago, i think. i've met his wife, she's a sweet girl." stop. fucking. talking. y/n.
in truth, bob only caught half of the word vomit. he was too preoccupied with the way her eyes sparkled behind her glasses, and the way her crossed arms accidentally pushed up her cleavage. she was totally wearing a push up bra. jake and bradley could probably even accurately guess her boob size. bob couldn't, but didn't need to to wonder what it would be like to rest his head against them, feeling her arms wrap around his tired frame.
"anyways." she exhaled, cheeks rosy with embarrassment. "i'll let you settle in. just so you know, your friday meeting with the commanders got moved up. it's nothing to worry about. come find me at lunch and i'll give you the brief. i used to make them for tom all the time, especially when he got sick."
"thank you." bob said graciously. "i really appreciate it. would you actually mind staying with me during the meeting? just to make sure i don't put my foot in my mouth."
she smiled, passing him a file folder. "of course, admiral. i'd love to."
the afternoon meeting came faster than bob would have wanted, and he was still struggling to make heads or tails of half the reports that his secretary had left on his desk. having a meeting this soon into his tenure seemed unusual, and for a moment he wondered about the severity of the content being discussed.
of course, he couldn't worry for long. through the panes of glass in the office doors, he could see y/n out at her desk, applying a thin layer of chapstick while she waited on hold with someone. her desk was filled with little baubles and a few small plants were on the filing cabinet behind her.
she looked calm and carefree, unbothered. and bob was smitten. completely and totally smitten. sure, it was a workplace harassment suit waiting to happen. and yes, it was never a good idea to get involved with people at work, especially when you outranked them.
but in that moment, bob floyd simply couldn't care less. especially when she gave him a flirty little wave from behind her desk, and even more so when the collar of her shirt dipped just enough that bob could see the edge of her lacy white bra.
this woman was going to be the death of him.
"bob?" she called out, poking her head through the doorway. "the commanders are here earlier than expected. have you had a chance to look over the notes?"
fuck. he couldn't admit that he was so distracted that he forgot to read the file. "uh, about half of it?" he explained sheepishly. "it's a lot."
she flashed him an understanding smile. "if you get lost in the meeting, i can take over. i used to do it for tom all the time."
"thank you. you're a lifesaver."
she winked, backing out of the room. "you owe me one, admiral."
the commanders filed into the meeting room, gathering around the round oak table like they were king arthur's knights. bob recognized a few of them, including jake seresin. he took a seat underneath the world map that was used to plot out missions, y/n taking a seat beside him.
and bob floyd wished he was a better man because as soon as he saw that skirt slip up her plush thigh, he was a goner. he forgot why he was even in that meeting in the first place. to his credit, he did fairly well, answering questions about the transition of power in the pacific fleet, and what was going on with some current matters that had gone unfinished when the previous admiral had passed. whenever bob seemed to stutter or falter in any way, y/n jumped in to rescue him, with a well-worded response delivered in such an effortless manner that he wondered why he was the admiral and not her.
jake caught him staring, a glean of admiration in his eyes as he watched the secretary (who was one of only two women in the room, by the way) outline a budget for the coming year. the commander kicked his former platoonmate under the table, holding back a laugh. bob shot him a dirty look before redirecting his attention to y/n.
after the meeting, and after shaking hands with what felt like every commander in san diego, jake stayed behind to chat with bob, eager to 'catch up' on everything the other had missed since their assignment with maverick. but really, jake just wanted to rib his coworker about the pretty secretary.
"dude, kazansky's secretary? come on."
"jake, shut up." bob could feel his face going pink. "it would be unprofessional at best, harassment at worst. her boss just died, for god's sake!"
jake laughed, hands tucked into the pockets of his dress whites. "i'm sure that they make porno's about this kind of thing. i say go for it. you only live once, admiral."
"hangman, go fuck yourself."
there was a knock on the office door, and y/n stuck her head inside the office. "admiral floyd, commander seresin. its five, so im on my way out. if you need anything, there's a post-it with my personal number on it in your welcome packet. don't stay too late, you'll make me look bad." she grinned at bob, waving at him before ducking back out of the office again.
bob shouted after her, something along the lines of 'see you in the morning', but he couldn't hear himself think over the sound of jake's laughter.
"what!"
"dude, look below your fucking belt. you're fucked."
_______
life went on, and bob found himself settling into his role as admiral nicely. of course, he wasn't doing it alone. y/n was a massive help in meetings, and they had started tag-teaming on important topics: putting together elaborate slide presentations, models and poster boards before every meeting with the fellow admirals or the commanders. there was a meeting with the president's aide scheduled for the new year, and surprisingly, bob wasn't worried about it. he had even gone as far as to help y/n decorate the office for christmas.
every day, she showed up in a trendy, fashionable and flattering outfit that definitely went against navy regulations, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. especially not when those leather slacks of hers made him so achingly hard that he spent half of his lunch break in the private bathroom jerking off. it wasn't the good admiral's fault that his secretary was so stunningly beautiful and sweet and kind and funny and so many other things that made him wonder if it was finally time to consider finding a life partner.
the pair had started sharing their lunch breaks, and bob was enjoying getting to know her outside of the office. she was easy to talk to, and he was convinced he had never laughed as much as he had when he was with her.
and that's why he was so worried when he saw that she had put in for a transfer request.
_____
they were one week out from christmas, and the base was getting ready to send all non-essential staff home. that meant that y/n was getting a much needed break, and while bob would be considered to be 'on-call', he got to go home as well. the last meeting of the year was finished, and y/n was cleaning up the round table in the conference room when she heard hushed voices from the cracked door in bob's office.
"robert, you understand what you're getting yourself into, right? the kind of trouble you'd be opening up for her?" natasha trace's voice was low and not quite venomous, but not calm either. "don't think that people haven't figured out why you hide in the bathroom over your lunch break, bradley told me about your little crush. you can't act on it, bob. i'm sorry, but you just can't. she's your subordinate. unless one of you transfers out. no matter how much you think you'd be able to make it work, it just not possible."
"i love her, phoenix. and i don't know what to do."
"you keep your mouth shut and your dick in your pants. that's what you do."
she felt her heart grow tight in her chest. bob was in love with someone? it was probably another soldier, or a pilot. or, and she hesitated at the thought, was bob floyd falling in love with her?
she didn't know if she wanted to find out. because if she was wrong, and bob didn't feel the same way about her that she felt about him, it was going to lead to a lot of heartbreak.
she put in for a transfer to another fleet later that week.
________
"what the fuck? how could this happen, phoenix? what did you say to her?"
natasha gaped at the frazzled admiral, who was pacing behind his desk. "what did i say to her? i didn't say shit, bob. she must have overheard us and gotten the wrong idea."
it was christmas eve, and bob didn't even know why he'd come into the office. he supposed it was because he wanted everything pressing to be done before the holidays, but seeing the neon blue transfer request paper on his desk had thrown him for a loop.
"i can't function without her. she keeps this office going." bob wailed, running his fingers through his hair. "i need her."
"yeah." jake snorted. "in more ways than one."
"can it, hangman." natasha scolded. "you'd have to find a really good, sound reason for denying the transfer, you know. keeping her here without one would be an abuse of power."
"you think i don't fucking know that?"
"there is another solution here." bradley bradshaw suggested, leaning against the side of the desk. "her address would be in her files, right? why don't you go and talk to her?"
actually.....that wasn't a terrible idea.
"no." natasha glared at him, almost as if she could read his mind. "that would be another glaring abuse of power. do none of you have functioning brain cells? this is psychotic."
"but it could work." bob mused, scrambling to boot up his computer. "what woman doesn't love a grand romantic gesture?"
"that's my boy." jake roared with laughter, clapping him in the shoulders. "let's make this christmas miracle happen."
bob scrambled to pull up her personnel file, scribbling a street address down in his messy cursive. "okay, okay. how do we know she's home? i mean, it's christmas eve. she could be with family, or with friends-"
"trust your gut, admiral." jake encouraged. "rooster, grab the keys to the bronco!"
"i'm surrounded by idiots!" natasha cried, throwing her hands up in the air. "why am i even here?"
there was a fleeting sense of nostalgia as the former dagger squad members piled into rooster's sleek black bronco. it was cold for california, albeit the lake of snow on the ground. a strong wind was coming in off the ocean, pushing the bronco closer to y/n's house. bob was jittery, working his way through everything he wanted to say.
because how did he tell a woman that he loved her without even having gone out with her yet?
"alright, take a left at this next set of lights, and then a left at the stop sign after that." jake instructed, reading directions off of his phone. rooster was going at least ten over the speed limit, and natasha was praying that there were no police officers around.
"that's her house!" bob shouted, jumping to attention in the backseat. "the one with the the three volkswagens in the driveway. she still lives with her parents, the whole family drives german cars. i remember her bringing it up over lunch one day."
the bronco skidded to a stop in the middle of the road, forced to slow abruptly when bob threw his door open. natasha chased him out of the car, followed up by jake while bradley worried about where to park on the unforgivingly small street.
bob ran up the driveway, in between an suv and a sport model jetta before practically launching himself at the doorbell.
"y/n?" he called, ringing the bell. "its admiral floyd! can we talk for a minute?"
"she cant hear you, dipshit." jake reminded gently. "just wait for her to answer the door."
the front door crept open, y/n standing nervously behind it in a christmas sweater and jeans. on her feet where two large slippers that looked like reindeer heads.
"admiral floyd? what are you doing here?"
"please don't transfer." bob pleaded, the words coming out in a single breath. "i don't know what i would do without you. you consume my every waking thought, every breath. these past few months working with you have been the most rewarding months of my career and i know how selfish it must sound of me to beg you not to go, but the truth is that i've fallen in love with you, y/n y/l/n. and i can't let you leave the fleet without making sure that you know that."
she stood frozen in the doorway for a minute before a wide smile broke out over her face. "come here you big doofus."
she stepped out onto the front porch, grabbing bob by the lapels of his tommy hilfiger trench coat and pulled him in for a kiss. his eyes widened in shock before he leaned into it, arms settling to hold her protectively.
"i put in the transfer request so you could ask me out, admiral." she whispered, giggling slightly. "i guess it worked."
"yeah." bob breathed, leaning in to kiss her again. "i guess it did."
"god damn it!" bradely shouted, out of breath and he came up the driveway. "don't tell me i missed everything trying to find somewhere to park my fucking car?"
y/n laughed, pulling away from bob. "do you guys want to come inside? i'd feel awful making you stand out here in the cold."
jake shrugged. "why the hell not."
"cassie's here, so behave yourself." y/n warned, referring to tom kazansky's youngest, whom jake had a history of hitting on.
jake perked up. "oh, cassandra!" he called, walking into the house
"not a chance, seresin. teddy and i are still very happily married!" a voice called from within the living room.
"god damn it!"
y/n turned to look at bob. "i made a massive mistake inviting them in, didn't i?"
bob chuckled, kissing her forehead. "yeah. but i wouldn't be here without them, so cut them some slack. come on, let's go celebrate christmas."
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zaine-m · 2 days ago
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I like to think that Jayce and Viktor get a happy ending in the other universe too
Jayce feels awful that hextech took a life. Especially seeing powder (who is around the same age he was when him and his mom were saved by hextech) holding her dead sister's body
He says similar things as in the start of the trial but now fully meaning them and never mentions trying to create magic
Vander comes to Jayce's trial and stands up for him, saying he's just a stupid kid with a dream to help people who didn't know what he was doing
"Vi's with her mom now, let Jayce go home to his"
He does still sneak into his lab to attempt suicide but this time Viktor's "am I interrupting?" doesn't do anything, Jayce just turns back around and jumped, not being able to handle the guilt of accidentally taking a life while also realizing his life's work only caused harm
He survives the attempt and wakes up in a hospital bed, paralyzed from the waist down with his mother crying next to him
Viktor comes in a bit later while his mom is out making some food for him
His tone is completely too cold for the situation. Jayce is in complete despair and Viktor refuses to match the mood
He says most of the same stuff about how hextech can change people's lives but Jayce responds "yeah, well so far all it's done is a take the life of an innocent child"
"ehh, she was from the undercity. I grew up there, many children did not live to see adulthood"
"How does that make anything better?"
"Because this has the potential to change that. One explosion? There are toxic fumes and polluted waters slowly killing hundreds of children each year"
"Even if I wanted to I'm banned from the academy and ..." *waves at legs*
"pshh, you think trenchers are supposed to be at the academy and everything I did in my life I did while being disabled"
"Listen, I can't help you"
Viktor leaves Jayce's bracelet by his bed and heads towards the door. Jayce takes one look at it and throw it across the room in anger. "you probably shouldn't throw that", "GET OUT!"
A while later Vander comes to invite Jayce to Vi's memorial at the last drop
Jayce feels so guilty when he first comes into the last drop, everyone is staring at him
He sees Ekko, the kind little kid who had sold him such reasonably prices wares just days before his experiments accidentally killed his friend
Powder just starting going at him when she first sees him, her weak child-who-has-never-punched-before fists do very little damage especially because she's going so fast she doesn't fully pull her hands back
Jayce just lets her at it, crying and apologizing between the blows
Vander comes to pull Powder off of him, "it wasn't his fault, he didn't know how dangerous the materials were" she just looks back and screams at him before going back to her bedroom
Vander takes Jayce on a walk through the undercity to talk,
"Everyone in there knew what I did?"
"huh, no?"
"they were looking at me like I was a monster"
"yeah, that's cause you're dressed like a piltie"
"ohh, ha... I'm so sorry about what happened to Vi"
"It's a shame, but she's with her parents now"
*Jayce looks down, only feeling worse finding out the girl he killed was an orphan*
"You want to know how her parents died?" *they arrive at the bridge* "I thought I could help the undercity, create a better world by fighting for sovereignty. I led us across this bridge and lost so many people in the process, the undercity is still recovering"
"I'm so sorry"
"I was like you, I was young and ambitious and I wanted to help people. But you know what I learned. You don't need to make giant leaps to help the people around you"
On the way back Vander points out all the ways he's helped different people in the undercity, helping them make a business plan, caring for their kids when they were sick, helping them find a community at the last drop
He also points out all the things that could be helped like roofs with holes in them and cliffs that should have railings
"You don't need hextech to help the world, Jayce"
Jayce spends his time between his family's forge doing hammer work and around the undercity working as a handyman, building what he can to help people
Eventually he tracks down Viktor, hoping to find ways to make a more systemic change for things like the dirty water and polluted air
Viktor works on studies surveying the living conditions of those in the undercity and seeing what affects it has on expected lifespan and the likelihood of developing different diseases to present to the council
That along with the more pro-Zaun push that's been happening since Vi's death he gets quite a bit of work done
While he's doing this Jayce does what he can to start implementing changes by making water filters and distributing masks to those in the slump levels
After a few years Jayce petitions to be let back into the academy to help Viktor with his work on a formal level and with outstanding testimonials from many people in the undercity he's let back in
When their work making the undercity safer is done they move onto studying how to treat the various illnesses people in the undercity have suffered from living there
first starting with Viktor's various physical health issues and finding that a lot of his issues come from it never being studied how to use mobility aids and how improper use can put a strain on other parts of your body so he switched to a forearm crutch to help his back
I'm gonna say in this universe Viktor just has severe asthma which they're able to find medicines to treat so he still has issues breathing in a lot of the undercity, he just wears a mask most of the time and keeps his medication with him
Viktor and Jayce end up dating but it happens to slowly that it's hard to realize, they just spend all their time together working on their research and then they get an apartment together because they were both looking for roommates
Jayce stopped looking for people to date after the accident because he was going through a big life change and never got back in the game and Viktor always rejected anyone, saying he was too busy with his studies
Jayce is just physically affectionate in a way where hugging Viktor a lot turns into Viktor sitting on his lap whenever his leg is sore turns into Jayce playing with Viktor's hair when he's bored turns into them cuddling on the couch turns into them cuddling in bed turns into kisses on the forehead when one of them is sick turns into kisses when they're not sick
They're at the last drop one day and Viktor gets up off Jayce's lap to use with washroom and Vander asks Jayce, "so you think you'll propose soon" Jayce almost spits out his food, "what, what do you mean?"
"I mean you've been dating for like what 5 years now. You gotta pop the question sooner or later"
"umm... yeah" wait fuck are we dating, have we been dating for 5 years, what
In bed that night: "Viktor, I... I think I might like you... like romantically. I guess I never thought about it but I was talking to Vander and... and you've been the most important person in my life for the past like 6 years"
"Jayce, I thought we were dating? How are you only realizing this now"
"ohh"
"I called you my partner"
"I thought you meant like research partner"
"we kissed a lot"
"I thought those were like just for comfort... between friends"
*Viktor kisses him passionately but not the most passionately they've kissed before*
"Does that seem like it would be between friends?"
"heh, now that you mention it I guess not"
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jeshala · 17 hours ago
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Please understand though, or at least put in mind not to forgive but just to understand, nobody would agree with you harder than all the ex soldiers I know. Recruiters and the military have been preying on people for so long. It's not college education they're after in a lot of cases, it's freedom from abuse or poverty. These are children who have been and continue to be indoctrinated.
Consider Twitch. I've seen countless ads for military recruiters that act like it's just like video games and super easy and you get to fly a drone! These aren't aimed at adults. It's propaganda, and there's reasons why it's effective, especially on young people. This doesn't even get into the part where the recruiters deliberately set up shop around lower class neighborhoods and offer you the chance to get out and be something.
We've been bit by bit fed this awful message of patriotism and being heroic in horrible, subtle ways. Football games. Military choirs performing on variety shows. Spots on the news about how respected veterans are instead of the after effects of the lie they were told where so many live in hell for the rest of their lives, being denied care. But that won't make the ten o'clock and the station manager doesn't want to make the military look bad, so you don't hear about the halfway houses and substance abuse and decades of nightmares beyond belief. This is because they hate what they've done and who they became.
It's all horrible. Just... think about it, okay? Don't condone the war machine, god please rail against that with every fiber of your being. Consider, though, the part where children are brainwashed (I hate that word but I cannot think of a better one) and shoved into a cult, essentially.
You'll have to excuse me. My parents saw what happened after WWII to their parents (whose parents were in WWI), then grew up with McCarthyism and the subsequent Korea and Vietnam atrocities. They were lower class, as were their peers.
Then their age group had kids, and they still lived in poverty, so I watched as my peers and namely my cousin went off to Iraq and Afghanistan.
He emancipated himself at 17 to get away from an abusive, substance addicted family and I PROMISE did not come away thinking they should have been there.
He's 10 years sober now. But he was a horrible drunk... whose son ran off to the air force because he saw no other way.
So just give that a consideration and also burn this mother down.
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walks-the-ages · 2 days ago
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let's play a game.
Biological Essentialism/Determinism can be summed up as, in the most simplified way, "what you are born as intrinsically determines your behavior and destiny".
"Gender Essentialism" uses the exact same framework but with a thin veneer of "trans inclusivity" slapped on top, to say that while your biology does not determine who you are, your gender identity does. Even before you realize you are trans or come out of the closet.
Under the framework of "Gender Essentialism" you're viewed as being X gender and somehow getting all of those 'benefits' from society even before you realize or come out as X gender.
So, some examples:
W is a member of a sentient Fantasy Race who is created to be Ontologically Evil. W being born into this Fantasy Race means that W is destined to be Evil and cruel no matter what and W and the rest of W's race will never ever be able to change their Evil ways.
X is assigned Female at birth. X is expected to be subservient, loyal to a single husband, and want to have children. X is expected to want these things from an early age and can and will be ostracized if X expressed any disinterest in these things or opposite behavior to the things expected of X's gender. (not wanting kids, not being interested in men, etc)
Y is assigned Male at birth. Y is expected to be fierce, strong, and to father many strong sons. Y is expected to want these things from an early age and can and will be ostracized if Y expresses any disinterest in these things or opposite behavior to the things expected of Y's gender. (being physically weak, not minding having daughters instead of sons, not being interested in women, etc)
Z is born into a strict caste system, and is born in the lowest caste. Z is expected to spend Z's whole life serving those 'better' than Z without recompense or complaint, with *no* possible avenue to advance in society due to the caste system.
This is inspired both by the wave of trans inclusive radical feminists who say that
"because trans men are of course men, that means they are inherently evil and oppressive and part of the patriarchy that seeks to tear trans women down."
and also because I've seen too many fantasy and scifi series way too comfortable with making Ontologically Evil Species and strictly enforced Caste Systems where everything is fine and dandy and everyone's happy with their lot in life as long as the ones with a caste system are the
"Beautiful, Pure and Good Elves, because as we all know, Happy Slaves aren't really Slaves, right? And if the Ruler has the Divine Right of Kings and all the little people think that's good, that makes it good, right?" (sarcasm).
If you've ever considering giving your fantasy or scifi race as 'caste' system that determins who does what based on their lineage or their body type and its apparently 'good and natural and everyone loves being their caste and wouldn't have it any other way'
....have you considered that Caste Systems have always been used as tools of oppression and discrimination and this is something real people face, and that we should not be writing "good caste systems" from the comfort of Western Society and perhaps consider the harm in romanticing these very real frameworks of systemic oppression?
Anyways, both in literature and real life:
do you agree that Biological Essentialism, Biological Determinism, and yes, "Trans-Inslusive Gender Essentialism" are ever correct and a good framework for viewing other people?
Or do you agree that this is an absolutely bullshit way to view individuals and that all it does is uphold systems of oppression, especially when it comes to queer people, people of color, disabled people, intersex people and more?
anyways just gonna leave you with this gif.
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[ID: a gif from Pokemon the Movie 2000, showing Mew and Mewtwo floating over a battlefield, with Mewtwo having the realization "I see now that the circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of life that determines who you are." End ID]
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posting-for-the-void · 2 days ago
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So a lot of twins claim to have a sort of twintuition thing where they understand each other easily and often without words, and sometimes have high-level empathetic reactions to things that are happening to the other twin, even if they don’t know what’s happening to the other twin because they are in different locations at the time. There’s obviously not a lot of scientific evidence to back it up, but, eh. It’s a cool concept.
But what if, for the Skywalker twins, the force just ramped that up to 100.
Fic-ish thing below the cut.
Five-year-old Luke is learning the Tatooine slave language. After all, Aunt Beru used to be Beru Whitesun, before she married Uncle Owen, and his mom was Grandma Shmi, who used to be a Skywalker before she married Uncle Owen’s dad. Beru helps the recently-escaped hide in the secret compartment in the wall of their house more often than Owen does, but he claims it’s for plausible deniability, whatever that means. Leia, on Alderaan, begins mixing the harsh, clicking language with Basic subconsciously, but only when talking to herself in private. After all, she is a princess, and they must choose their words carefully in front of others.
Leia at age ten argues with her cousin about whether droids deserve respect, and across the galaxy, Luke is absolutely overcome with the need to thank every single droid he’s ever met for helping him with anything (he did this anyways before but for some reason he has to do it again Right Now).
Luke gets to drive a speeder by himself for the first time at 13 and Leia is practically begging for someone to take her out in a hovercar and go as fast as possible. And if that can’t happen she’s going to get the space equivalent of a Formula One racing sim, goddamnit.
Seventeen-year-old Junior Senator Leia’s heart skips a beat every time someone mentions Tatooine. She isn’t sure why. Obi-Wan lives there, yes, but something in her just knows that isn’t the real reason. Luke, meanwhile, yearns to see the galaxy, and often finds himself outside at night, staring at the sky. His eyes, for as long as he can remember, have always felt drawn towards a specific star. He asked Uncle Owen about it once when he was younger, and he gruffly explained that it was the Alderaan system. He feels like there’s something there, waiting for him. He’s not sure why.
And then they meet in person, and it’s “You’re a little short for a Stormtroope—Luke?”
“Leia?”
“Do I know you?”
“I don’t think so. Can I hug you?”
“Of course, you idiot. You’re my twin brother. You don’t even have to ask.”
“Thanks, Leia. You know, I had the weirdest dreams when I was ten about you and Old Ben.”
“Oh, yeah, that was actually real. I got kidnapped.”
“Cool.”
“Is it true you got nicknamed ‘Wormie’ by your friends?”
“…Yeah.”
And Han is so confused, but it’s fine, and within two hours their conversations are more like, “Hey, Leia, could you pass me the—“
“Yeah, do want the green one or the—“
“No, the blue one, probably. I need it to—“
“Oh, yeah, of course, that makes sense.”
And then Yoda tries to do the whole “Attached, you are,” routine, and Luke is like, “Well, duh. I’m only here so I can teach Leia everything I learn as soon as I get back. I’m just a pilot, which is a lot more replaceable than a princess, so we thought it would be best if I come learn from you instead of her.”
And meanwhile Leia is a lot stronger in the force now, and she meets Vader again and just goes, “Darth Dad, what the actual fuck,” under her breath in the Tatooine slave language, and the hint of Anakin that’s left absolutely freezes. Because Palpatine—Sideous—whatever, he said his kid was dead. He said that Padme died and the kid did too. He lied. And, when he meets Luke later, and he says the same Sithspitting thing, Anakin gets so thrown he accidentally cuts the kid’s hand off. Luke falls, and the shock of it in the force is so strong, and Anakin’s eyes flash blue in grief and love and hope, all at once, and all of the sudden he can think clearly for the first time in years. And his kids’—his kids!—bond in the force is so strong, how did he not notice it before?
And, anyways, I just feel like Skywalker Twintuition would be on a completely other and incomprehensible level.
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littleones-thoughts · 19 hours ago
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🖍️ My partner! I think I mentioned it in passing but it wasn't a serious enough conversation so I dunno if he remembers ;-;
❤️ I haven't thought about it but maybe Hayden from Fields of Mistria would be a really nice caregiver.
🩹 My head gets like...light. I get giggly and tend to talk "small". Sometimes words are hard but not always.
🧡 It isn't often, but it's pretty consistent to whenever I see my partner IRL and he uses a specific tone of voice or calls me nicknames like little one.
🍬 I didn't know it was a thing! Ooo I'd love recs!
💛 I don't really have a specific age (that I can tell??) maybe around kindergarten or first grade? I'm unsure.
🧸 I'm an only child and I regress.
💚 I heard over and over that I was an 'old soul'.
🧩 I would love a sippy cup! I'm unsure of if that's weird. But I sipped a drink a little out of s straw and have been obsessed with getting a sippy cup ever since.
💙 Not sure. I haven't had a chance to explore a lot. Maybe babycore? I'd have to do research!
🍭 I joined Tuesday! So like two days 🫣
💜 I'm not able to regress enough to have one but I think it would be Minecraft or just my "big" obsessions like MHA.
🍼 I think I'd like to make new memories. I haven't had the chance to purposefully do it yet but I think I would just want to make new memories.
🖤 Unsure? Had some friends a while back but I am unsure if I can count them because I don't know the label they used.
🪀 I tend to around my partner. Especially when I'm sleepy.
🪁 I think more traditional? Because the last time it happened I was watching Minecraft let's plays like I did when I was little and got immediately floaty lol
🎨 Paci! I like to chew on things and suck on things so I think I could benefit from one.
🍬 I am unsure of what that is.
🦋 Sometimes I am, but sometimes I think too hard about it and feel shame. And worry if I can be a successful adult with a career if I want to explore this part of me. Silly, I'm sure.
🧚🏼‍♀️ A way to relax. Life sucks, and I grew up too fast. I've recognized it's possible that may be the reason why I regress. I was always so mature. Even at the ripe age of six I was judging and annoyed at my classmates for just being kids. I feel like I didn't get to be one- at least not fully.
🧦 I'm too new to have any opinions! So far everyone seems really nice though!
🦇 You can do that!?
🌸 I don't have any particular headcanons.
🐈‍⬛ I'm probably the majority actually. (Unsure though)
🧃 Puppy!!
🐇 I only have one person I want and trust to- but I'm too nervous to ask them. I'm worried they'll find it weird.
🎀 I don't think I regress to a specific age. Or if I do I don't know what that age is.
🎮 I don't know. I daydream near 24/7 so it would probably be easy!
🌈 Werewolf! But the kind that just turns to human or wolf at will!
👾 When my partner calls me something like little one or coos at me because I did something cute according to him.
💭 Sitting on the floor and coloring while he sits on the couch. Having a sippy cup on standby of course.
🌙 Agere Ask Game!!! ⭐
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🖍 Who is the first person you told/would tell about your headspace?
❤ If you had a fictional caregiver/little who would it be?
🩹 What do you experience when you regress? (i.e fuzzy feelings, motor skill or speech struggle, etc.)
🧡 How often do you regress or try to regress?
🍬 Do you read agere fanfiction and if so, about who?
💛 What school grade (if any) would you be in according to your headspace?
🧸 Are you an older sibling who regresses/caregives or a younger sibling who regresses/caregives?
💚 Were you considered an "old soul" growing up or were you more "childish"?
🧩 What was your first piece of agere gear or what would you want as your first?
💙 What's your regression/caregiving aesthetic? (kidcore, babycore, altcore, etc)
🍭 How long have you been apart of agere tumblr?
💜 What are you obsessed with right now in your headspace? (sanrio, sharks, bluey, etc)
🍼 Do you include your personal nostalgia in your regression/caregiving or are you creating new memories?
🖤 Have you met any other regressors/caregivers in real life?
🪀 Have you ever regressed in front of someone or has someone ever regressed around you?
🪁 Is your headspace affected more through traditional or alternative regression? (bottles & cartoons or horror & thrill)
🎨 What's a piece of agere gear that you really want to have/try?
🍬 Have you ever experienced vent regression?
🦋 Are you comfortable with your regression/headspace?
🧚‍♀️ What is age regression/caregiving to you?
🧦 What's something you like & don't like about the agere community?
🦇 Have you ever regressed in a dream?
🌸 Who do you headcanon as a regressor or caregiver? (fictional or real)
🐈‍⬛ Do you think you're represented enough in the agere community? (poc, boys, under 20/over 30 yrs)
🧃Which animal best represents your headspace?
🐇 Has it been or was it hard for you to find a little/caregiver?
🎀 Does your headspace match the gear you use/want? (i.e. regresses to 10 years but loves pacifiers)
🎮 Do you struggle to play pretend or are you super imaginative?
🌈 What mythical creature would you rather be? (Hybrid, Fairy, Dragon, etc)
👾 What's the quickest way to get you in your headspace?
💭 What's one thing you often daydream about doing with your little/caregiver?
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beneathsilverstars · 5 months ago
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idk it sounds reasonable to me for a teenager to run away bc they didn't want to eat their veggies!
one hopes that by the later stages of childhood a parent will have figured out which veggies and preparation styles work for the kid, and the kid will have resigned themself to what they do and don't have to eat according to their parents, and it's all settled into an equilibrium instead of a daily fight. and hopefully as a teen your palette is expanding and you're even willing to eat more veggies then you did as a child.
however, if the kid is extra picky and stubborn, and the parent is extra determined to make sure they eat a good variety (or just eat whatever the parent prepared no matter what it is), it could absolutely continue to be a regularly-repeated fight. and if something is a continued point of contention throughout childhood then it absolutely makes sense for a teen to go FUCK this, i am nearly an ADULT i am done being told to eat my veggies i am gonna prove my independence and make them realize i don't have to just sit there and let them boss me around!!
like, the childishness of the fight is exactly why a teen would run away about it.
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nobodysdaydreams · 3 months ago
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Giving a complicated tragic childhood backstory to your favorite character is all fun and games, until you realize you need to account for how old all the other adult characters would have been at the time and realize that scenes that would work perfectly if one character was twenty three and the other was fourteen stop working when you need other characters who are played by adult actors clearly younger than they are to be in college at the same time so your story beats line up thematically.
#Don't worry. I made an excel document for this over a year ago#Was that unhinged? Yeah. But this is harder than you think it is#In unrelated news it is now reasonable to have a child in your 20s 30s or 40s depending on when the plot needs the child#Also people in their early 20s can be in grad school have already established careers and adopt children now. I've declared it.#Also: Hollywood stop trying to trick me into believing women in their 30s are the same age as men in their 50s. It's never gonna work.#I'm fighting for my life to make these age gaps normal even on a platonic level#Don't worry I aged the girls up and the boys down#But still this is a bit ridiculous#If you use the actors' ages it doesn't work. Garrison's actress is 16 years younger than Curtain. Why?#I mean I like the casting. But SQ is a teenager. We know Curtain has had his evil plans at least since SQ was born and lost his bio dad#and if the Whisperer is Garrison's invention that means she and Curtain were working together when SQ was born#If SQ in the show is 16 (the actor was older I believe) and Garrison is 37 (that's how old the actress is now she was younger at time)#That means Garrison was only 21 and Curtain was well into his 30s. And that's after you age SQ down and Garrison up for the calculations#So Garrison was likely (according to the shows' casting) even younger than that which begs the question what was Curtain doing?#Was he spending his 30s lurking around college campuses and high schools looking for a kid whose inventions he could steal?#What in the Marcus Cutter is that about?#All these jokes about Garrison being SQ's uninvolved divorced stepmom but nah she's really his estranged big sister#also this is very frustrating because the irl age gap between the actress who plays Number Two and Tony Hale only 7 years#but they're the ones for whom a 16 year age gap would have actually made sense because he adopts her in the books!#but now since Garrison is clearly so much younger than Number Two Curtain and Benedict I have to deal with this#(Don't worry I figured it out and made the age gaps normal. You just now have to believe Number Two is only a year older than Garrison)#It was the stress of living with her family that aged her and Garrison just looks naturally super young that's what we're going with.#And don't get me wrong:#I do like the actresses and actors they casted they're great but sometimes I google the ages and I'm like oh you cannot be serious#But we've (more or less) figured it out#Rant over#writing#writing struggles#tmbs
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marsixm · 7 months ago
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i also think the fact that i had such a stunted and isolated upbringing and now that im an adult all my friends are on atypical life paths (and honestly even my friends as a kid were like this too) means i find things that are usually very common life stages really interesting. like knowing someone who has a house and a wife and 2 kids (with that wife) and a job with a salary feels like meeting fucking paul bunyun to me. or hearing the kids i work with talk about graduating high school and going to college and being on a real path with that stuff is neat? or even sometimes knowing cis/het people who are like going thru that coming of age stuff that i never really experienced the way you see it in the movies bc of transness/queerness/neurodivergence. its like woah they said the name of the thing in the thing. do u know what i mean???
#this actually reminds me of one of the girls at work whose been here for 2 yrs so i feel like im watching her grow up#shes graduating hs this year and shes really smart and she always asks questions like this#like picking ur brain about your life like 'what did you feel like growing up how was your family' etc#its kinda cool#she already got a degree bc of dual credit courses and an internship lined up and im so proud of her#and theres another girl her same age who came to me last night telling me her situationship just broke her heart#and they were both talking all about their prom dresses and all that stuff and were so excited last month#like idk i guess i just find it endearing#i think part of it is also that while these specific paths are thought of as common/default#there really is so much variance in life and really truly so many people not on those paths for so many reasons#which actually does loop around to making it seem strange#like truly how many people do you really know anymore who stayed at 1 job until they rose the ranks#who got married and had kids with that person and now they live in a house in the suburbs with some dogs and cats#like who does that anymore#meanwhile i think its just cool seeing kids actually experiencing growing up but in retrospect and not as a peer feeling confused & jealous#like woah youre a girl buying a dress and getting her hair done and texting a boy thats so wild ive never done that#or woah youre taking courses to prepare for college and know what degree youre going for#i no longer feel resentment that i felt left behind during all that shit when i was a teenager#im just happy for them and proud of them
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quordleona03 · 1 day ago
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#this one goes out to the Beejdunking Brigade #i want bj to get better but i know he's just going to keep fighting it forever. if a warzone can't kill his ego idk what possibly could #peg takes the house and kid and dog and bj goes to maine as his backup plan and is greeted by mulcahy looking happier than ever #maybe then-- MAYYYYBE-- he can finally realize that there are consequences to shitting where you eat
I wrote Peg Hunnicutt in All We Know (will be posting the first chapter from her POV in December) as a woman who decided to stay married to BJ and made it work (and they had more children) (and BJ is a good dad). But I also wrote her - deliberately,consciously - as the kind of housewife for whom The Feminine Mystique was written when Betty Friedan was considering "The Problem That Has No Name." (Yes, I know she has a realtor's licence in "The Party" - for various reasons I decided that didn't turn into a career.) And while thinking about Peg Hunnicutt reading Betty Friedan's book when it was hot off the presses in 1963, I started to think about Peg Hunnicutt, home in Mill Valley, waiting for her husband to come home from the war - and I thought about the beejhawk narrative: BJ and Hawkeye fell in love during the war, and -
What About Peg?
So I wrote the story of BJ and Hawkeye coming home from the war, and the stranger in the house, from Peg Hunnicutt's POV: The Hunnicutt Mystique.
I don't intend to ever write a sequel to The Hunnicutt Mystique, not because I can't think of one but because I can easily think of half a dozen: and how do you pin someone as complex as BJ down to one ending? To me, BJ Hunnicutt's tragedy is that, all of his life, he has been top of the heap, king of the hill: tall and handsome and good at sports, good in his classes: he works hard for what he's got but he's starting from a privileged position which he does not in the least recognize. While an instinctively cruel person (he enjoys practical jokes) BJ recognises that being kind is better than being cruel, and he wants to be a good man, and he struggles to live up to his own ideals.
That BJ's ideals are very much that of a man who was born in the 1920s and came of age into the period where US media was pushing the narrative that a perfect family is one where the man leads and the woman follows, the man earns and has a career, and the woman stays home and is absorbed in housework and children, is of course not his fault; but I can't think that BJ ever examined this very hard. He wants to be Peg's perfect husband and Erin's perfect father, and the draft took him away from them and Peg spent two years learning to be just fine on her own.
And BJ went to the 4077th, where he found that - try as he might - he would never, there, be the man whose attention everyone competes for: he would never be top of the heap, king of the hill, recognised as the best surgeon, the funniest man, the one whose attention and approval everyone competes for - because Hawkeye got there first and BJ cannot win in any contest except those that Hawkeye frankly doesn't care about, like physical strength or chess. To make matters worse: BJ adores Hawkeye. Hawkeye is wonderful and kind and funny and knows exactly what to do in the weirdest situation BJ has ever been in. Hawkeye says, frankly and openly, that BJ is his best friend. (Except there was Trapper, who was also Hawkeye's best friend.) But if BJ is Hawkeye's best friend, Hawkeye feels no need to compete for BJ's attention: he assumes he'll have BJ's attention if he wants it, and if BJ is busy or preoccupied and brushes Hawkeye off, Hawkeye goes off to spend time with other friends and really doesn't seem to mind, or try harder for BJ's attention next time. To make matters even worse: Hawkeye keeps winning all of the contests without even seeming to try, and Hawkeye thinks BJ's work is good and offers praise and tries to find ways for BJ to shine - Hawkeye is BJ's age and all but a year in Korea equivalent in experience: but Hawkeye behaves as if he had authority over BJ. I think BJ would love to be able to take Hawkeye home and look after him. BJ would love to be in a situation where - as BJ sees it - the natural order of things is back: BJ is everyone's main guy, and Hawkeye is his best friend because BJ chose him, not because BJ fetched up at the 4077th and fell into Hawkeye's best-friend position.
And what if - Hawkeye's and BJ's relationship is exactly what we see it is in the series, but Hawkeye is in a loving, romantic, sexual relationship with Mulcahy?
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meme redraw ft captain hunnicuck
the thing about hawkahy is i think it presents a wonderful character development opportunity for beej once he accepts that his waifish wifeable roommate picked a shorter, sweeter, quieter, poorer partner over the big man on campus who took him for granted enough to punch him in the face and then act like nothing happened, because it turns out hawkeye values honesty and empathy over whatever the hell is going on with bj. maybe eating his own heart out is the first step to getting over himself
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autumnoakes · 6 months ago
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man... rhoam's "redemption" in aoc really sucked, huh?
like botw SHOWED us, several times, how much pressure rhoam put on zelda to unlock her powers, despite her telling him, several times, that it wasn't working. he got angry and banned her from doing not only something she saw as useful, but something that she was clearly very interested in and passionate about because she "wasn't dedicating enough time to her prayers." yes, his diary expresses regret for it, but at the end of the day, if zelda saw that it wouldn't mean much to her. the actions rhoam took, and the way zelda grew up under so much pressure that she nearly died as a child in one of the springs (this is in urbosa's diary, iirc) mean so much more than his regrets and his intentions. it took him nearly 10 years to realize that he fucked up, and by that point it was too late. the calamity had returned, and rhoam had lost any chance he had at making things right with zelda.
meanwhile, in aoc, all that's there is some half-hearted scene in the temple of time that's supposed to make everything better? yes, aoc had a very different and arguably better outcome than the calamity that led to botw, but the damage was still done by rhoam. it's still the same hurts and abuse and trauma that he put his daughter through all because of the prophesized calamity.
#legend of zelda#breath of the wild#hyrule warriors age of calamity#sorry i just. i don't know what nintendo meant to do with rhoam#i guess they were trying to make him into a guy who did bad things for a good reason but still#i think the action matters more than the reason because the action is what impacts others the most#when someone is hurting and they lash out what people remember most is them lashing out#that scene in aoc really felt kinda empty and half-hearted (even kohga crying during the scene kinda felt forced)#yeah i guess they were trying to make him into a stern father who we were meant to sympathize with because he didn't want to do#what he had to do. but it kinda... fell flat?#i don't think he was a good king either. he wasn't a tyrant for sure but also what kinda king puts the fate of his entire kingdom#on the back of like 6 people. 4 of whom are considered kids or young adults by their society's standards#(urbosa also mentions this in her diary and she hates that she and daruk are the only seasoned warriors of the champions)#(her diary is full of worldbuilding gems because of her relationship with zelda and its worth a read if you have the DLC)#don't think i forgot about link in all of this either. he was like 12 when he pulled the master sword and he wasn't much older than zelda#if he was older at all. and he was already a knight as a teenager. he was a child soldier who rhoam personally appointed#because he was able to wield the master sword#and maybe revali has a point there. maybe he didn't deserve any of it but not in the way that revali thinks#i don't think that's a writing mistake. revali is a very flawed character and he's young and brash and impulsive. he's very harsh on link#because he thinks he's being overlooked for his skills while link gets all of the pomp for doing the bare minimum#which isn't true but there's also not really anyone proving otherwise to him. link himself doesn't talk a lot#BUT I DIGRESS this post is about rhoam not link and revali#yes i have sat on this for 3 and a half years. what of it#i think rhoam could have had a redemption if he didn't like. deliberately lie to link at the beginning of botw. several times.#like.... these are flawed characters and it would take a LOT for rhoam to shift his world view like that#if he had come to the conclusion he did earlier and listened to zelda maybe things would have been a bit different#but he didn't. he missed his chance to speak with his daughter and tbh the fact that it took him about 10 years to realize this#says a lot about his character i think#post brought to you by the copious amounts of hades i've been playing (zagreus and zelda are an interesting point of comparison in my mind)#(like yeah rhoam and hades are two completely different parents but they both had similar outcomes with their children)
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which-qsmp-egg-would · 8 months ago
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yutadori · 6 months ago
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it's so crazy and isolating hearing my friends talk about how they want kids u__u
#i saw my friend for the first time in months on sun (we've still been keeping in touch though so it doesnt feel like that much time has#passed) and she's always been staunchly against having kids#but then we started talking about ivf (thanks to pussypedia when i flipped it open to a random page) and she talked about how she'd conside#having kids in the future and i was like HUH ???#not out loud of course but .#she's been with her bf for almost a year now and i think being with him has changed her mind#she mentioned how he has a big family like he has a lot of siblings and his parents each have a lot of siblings themselves#so i dont really see him shifting towards the idea of not having kids bc of that idkkkk#and she said that she sees it as a chance to give kids a better life than she had and :/#idk i'm really set on never having kids ever because i dont think i could ever do it + i dont have any sort of desire or pull towards the#and i never really felt bad about it or swayed but now that my friend who was really firm on Not having kids is changing her mind i feel#kind of bad about it for some reason !?!?!?#idk it feels a bit selfish to be upset that she changed her mind but idk it's kinda isolating#i think i only have one friend now who doesnt want kids#but if that changes then its going to probably feel .__.#i know none of my friends are going to shame me for it but :/#idk . it feels weird and bad lol but also i dont want to have kids just because i feel left out or looked down on#ss#its even scarier because we're getting closer to the age where people start having kids..... like what do you mean we're not in our late#teens / early twenties anymore....................
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benjaminvox · 1 day ago
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"Loss is loss," Benjamin shrugs his shoulder, huffing a distant sound. Nowhere near a laugh, but more of an acknowledgment. "You shouldn't have had to go through that, anymore than I shouldn't have had to go through the things I did. Fuck, man. We were kids." watching as the beer arrived, and tilting his head in thanks.
The difference between the two men though? Benjamin's anger. That darkness that had been bred, and then honed. Living with vengeance was the only way he'd found any modicum of peace.
'You think it might right a wrong, give you closure — it won't'
Benjamin doesn't agree, and it says so as he shifts in his seat, causing the upturn of the corner of his lips. "Did you seek revenge? For your parents?" a pause. "Or are you guessing that it won't make me feel better?" There was a reason he'd been likened to Johnathan...that unwielded rage that most hadn't yet seen. The need to serve. The need to hurt. It lay under that young boy smile, the yet to age face.
And he needed somewhere to direct it. Finely educated, the only credentials he had was working for Melissa Lin. A title, and a fine reputation in itself...he'd bore quickly. He needed this.
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'Whose fault is it then, Benjamin? Hers or yours?'
Benjamin doesn't answer immediately.
He sits on it. Traces condensation dripping down the glass in hand, cold seeping into his fingertips. His first instinct is to deflect, throw some biting comment back at Gideon that might force the conversation in some other direction, but the weight of it all, that fucking question settles heavily on top of him. His life, Melissa, his parents, Étienne...his brothers.
Benjamin felt like the world was weighing down on him, and he was it's sole bearer. It's not the first time he's wondered about it, too many times has it found it's way into his thoughts, his dreams...but having someone like Gideon ask it so bluntly strips away any excuse he might've leaned on.
Any chance he could escape those nightmares.
He's fucking lost. Staring. Like the young boy he was still, rummaging to the surface.
Benjamin hadn't quite lost that to his years yet.
"Both," he finally says, eyes vacant, blue a vast nothingness. He doesn’t look at Gideon, can't bare it, honestly: instead, his eyes finds the drink in his hand. "It'd be hers for pulling the trigger. Mine for giving her the reason to, I guess."
Loyalty was a dog: and he was her hound. Benjamin knows it’s not the answer Gideon wants, not the clean division of responsibility he'd probably hoped to hear. And he wouldn't lie to him, his mind had been moulded to Melissa Lin's tactics some eleven years ago...there was no changing his heel. But it’s the truth as Benjamin sees it. Melissa isn’t without her flaws, but she’s always been clear about the stakes. He accepted them the day he stepped into her world.
Into the Rutherford name. And while she commanded it, he obeyed.
He leans back, letting the chair creak under his weight. "Look, I’m not saying she’s perfect. Far from it, fuckin' hell...I'm meant to be smart, right. But... I owe her. A fuckin' lot. Not just for keeping me alive, but for making me into something. Someone. And yeah, that comes with risks. But doesn’t everything?"
Jabbing a finger over his shoulder, he shakes his head -- aware that there were parts of Melissa that Gideon refused to see. To acknowledge. "My parent's killer is here...drinking, laughing...and Melissa's checked in on me every two hours." The side eye, shoulders shrugging. She was his family. Benjamin knows he's justifying, fuckin' rationalizing. Gideon can probably see through it, but it’s the only way he’s ever been able to make peace. "I know you think I’m just another pawn in her game. And maybe I am. But...I chose this life. I know exactly what I signed up for."
Raising his glass, he huffs. "So if she shoots me one day? At least I’ll go down knowing I didn’t sit back and let the world tear me a-fuckin-part." He leans forward, his elbows on the table. "What about you? You’ve seen the same shit I have. What made you realise you'd never want...this" he knew Melissa well, knew a lot of what went on in the Rutherford's -- it was his job to know.
After everything Benjamin reveals about his past, it's less what he says and more how his voice breaks hoarsely over that single word, 'yep', that coaxes Gideon's begrudging sympathy for him. Silently, he hails the bartender, ordering another round of beers for them. Tonight, Benjamin can acquire his own, compliments of his allocation to the rich tents, but there's some goodwill hidden in the gesture nonetheless.
"It isn't all that similar, and I won't pretend that it is." He replies, concerning the demise of both their biological parents. "A car accident doesn't quite leave the same scars as death by unnecessary violence, and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to see what you stepped into, that day you found their bodies." No, it'd be insensitive to claim that he understood what Benjamin had experienced.
But he does understand loss, through and through. Time and time again.
'I can't let it go.' — That's what he's afraid of, that's the part that will consume the boy, if he lets it. Because the Rutherford's seen that too. Time and time again.
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"There are plenty of occupations that don't involve breaking the law, Ben." Lest the young man feel he's trying to step into the role of father, unsolicited, Gideon adds;
"I'm just saying. And the thing about anger, is that there's no end to it. Your anger won't bring them back. Murdering Étienne won't bring them back. You think it might right a wrong, give you closure — it won't." He's seen it play out too many times among other members in his father's mob. Recruited with the sweet promise of vengeance, only to find it hollow once they'd sacrificed everything to obtain it.
'And if I die for it, then... That’s on me.'
Gideon takes another sip of his beer. "You haven't answered the question." The bottle settles back on the table, and the surgeon fixes him with a scrutinizing look. "I'm not asking if you die out of bad luck. I'm saying imagine a scenario where you change your mind. Where you decide 'to hell with it, I don't want to work for Ms. Lin anymore', and she shoots you point blank in return. Whose fault is it then, Benjamin? Hers or yours?"
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My heart is beating so hard I’m so pissed about Everything rn
#you see there was really no one my age in our neighborhood#There were kids slightly older than me or slightly younger than me#And for some reason a lot of teen girls and little boys#so my siblings both got on fine. Her with the slightly older kids him with the boys#and I was just kind of stuck in the middle#always#now. I am a middle child. My whole deal is being stuck in the middle#so I was used to it#But like it does suck#I never really had any friends except this one boy that everyone accused me of being in love with#and like he’s a good kid but we never shared any interests so it was hard to hang out past kindergarten#(Yes we were already accused of being bf/gf at 3 years old yes that’s fucked up and I hated it with my entire being)#so I didn’t have friends save for him in school#I didn’t get along very well with my sister because she was very very bossy when playing so I had to do exactly what she said#(or get yelled at)#I had the choice between hanging out with like. Girl that only lives here every second weekend. Snippy girl that was chronically ill.#older girl that’s okay and friends with older girl that hates my guts#The Twins™️ (their mom didn’t like me and their dad made me deeply uncomfortable. He turned out to be physically abusive.)#and those two neighbours#which you guessed it lead to the aforementioned teaming up and me being stuck with the kid my mom now thinks is like my best friend or smt#so I had the choice between that or my mom inviting people I didn’t know that I didn’t want to play with or playing alone#and that’s just how I lived until I was ten#which is when we moved and I started secondary and OH MY GOD I COULD HAVE FRIENDS?? WHO COULDVE GUESSED#og
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