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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 21 hours ago

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sebek and his big ol' heart

Y’all thought I would be writing an extensive analysis on [REDACTED] or Skully but JOKE’S ON YOU, I love my lame idiot child Sebek 😭

When I tell you I actually CRIED MULTIPLE TIMES reading his Nightmare Suit vignettes… because all the pieces fit together SO well…

Before reading this (long) post, I’d like to ask that you also take your time to read this analysis and this analysis. They will help you understand some of the points I made later regarding Sebek and his internalized racism + how he expresses himself.

Have your recommended reading done? Great, then let’s hop to it!

***Spoilers for Sebek's Nightmare Suit vignettes, book 7, and various other Sebek and Silver card vignettes.***

Sebek is one of those characters that lives in infamy for how much time he takes to get warmed up to. He presents himself as loud and brazen, with these traits often earning him the ire of both in-universe peers and irl fans alike. Worst case scenario, Sebek can be seen as someone who is outright hateful. He’s rude to most people (including Silver, his childhood friend, sometimes), denounces humans, acts like Malleus can do nothing wrong, and doesn’t seem to respect his own father.

Well, I’m here today to tell you those claims are false and that Sebek is actually capable of so, so much love. All you need to really do is look at his Nightmare Suit vignettes—and how well they connect with the rest of his lore—to understand what I mean.

The vignettes start with Jack Skellington finishing a bento that Sally made for him. Sebek tells Jack that he should now return the basket that the bento was delivered in to her and to let her know what he thinks of her meals, but Jack says he can’t because he’s busy with Halloween preparations. Jack asks Sebek and Azul to return the basket in his stead, which they do. They aren't allowed to see Sally because Dr. Finkelstein has locked her up for misbehaving, so they leave the basket. Azul advises that they also pass along Jack's comments (he had called Sally smart, thoughtful, and kind; he often forgets to have meals when he's absorbed with his work, so it's generous for her to prepare a delicious meal like this for him). Sebek loudly refuses, as he believes that hearing these grateful words from Jack himself would be much more meaningful to Sally.

He later confronts Sally at Town Hall and asks to speak with her privately (in an ALLEYWAY lol). There, Sebek flat-out tells Sally that such roundabout tactics will never help her feelings reach Jack because he's way too dense. Of course, she reacts with denial which sends Sebek into a passionate speech about the lengths Sally will go to for love (short of actually speaking about it). She literally threw herself out of a window and put herself in bodily harm to get to Jack when Dr. Finkelstein locked her in her room. She deliberately disobeyed her guardian and brainstormed a way to get out when theoretically she should not have been able to move around freely. If that's not motivated by love, then what is? Sebek declares that it's really annoying to watch Sally dance around the issue and to see her devotion go to waste. IT'S LIKE HE'S WATCHING/READING A ROMCOM AND THE TWO MAIN CHARACTERS KEEP PLAYING THE "WILL THEY, WON'T THEY" CARD... She admits that she can't share her feelings because Sally thinks she's not worthy of someone as impressive as Jack... They're not compatible. And you know how Sebek responds??? BY TELLING SALLY ABOUT WHAT IS BASICALLY TWISTED ROMEO AND JULIET... Sebek reading tragic romance confirmed 😭 He describes the story as one of two lovers whose families do not approve of their union. In desperation, the lovers try to elope--but their plan fails and they return to their warring families. Instead of committing dying like in the original tale, the lovers live the rest of their lives lamenting the outcome and how they can no longer see the person they love most. Sebek shares his own interpretation of the story and its moral: because the lovers gave up hope that they could get their families to accept one another... because they never tried to get their families to get along... because they could not properly articulate their feelings to their families... the lovers could not be together. He is convinced that if they had communicated better, the story would have a happier ending. Sebek is of the firm belief that a story itself cannot come to be without the author wanting to share their own thoughts or feelings; he even suggests that maybe the author of Romeo and Juliet experienced something similar--a regret that resulted from neglecting to express deep-seated feelings. It's not just this book either, Sebek claims to have many stories with a similar theme or miscommunication leading to conflict.

Above all, Sebek stresses to Sally that she must believe in herself and take swift, decisive action. And why does Sebek whole-heartedly throw himself into this belief? Because his own family is living proof that a happy ending is possible if you try hard for it.

If you've paid attention to Sebek lore prior to this, you'll know that he has a human father and a fae mother. Their marriage faced opposition and scrutiny in Briar Valley, a country which is isolated from the rest of the world and suffered greatly from human invaders pilfering the fae lands for resources. One of these sources of opposition and scrutiny is Sebek's own grandfather and his mother's father, Baur. Apparently, Mrs. Zigvolt married Mr. Zigvolt against the wishes of her dad.

Sebek shares even more details with Sally in his Nightmare Suit vignettes. To this day, Baur does NOT approve of his daughter's marriage--but Mrs. Zigvolt doesn't let that get her down! No, she does everything in her power to prove to her father that she made the right choice and she's perfectly content with her life. She'll send letters enclosed with photographs of her family, take her children to visit Baur's home, and invites him to join family dinners. Sebek adds that he's sure his mom made other efforts too--all to try and get Baur to acknowledge her marriage. More recently, Baur seems to have lightened up a little... as in, he always used to turn Mr. Zigvolt away at the door, but now lets him in about once a year (though Baur still avoids eye contact with him and continues to frown). Mrs. Zigvolt stubbornly believes that if she keeps this up, her dad will one day change and bless her marriage with the man she truly loves. Sally commends Sebek and his mother's ability to speak their minds loudly and proudly, but then disparages herself again by saying she can't do the same. Sebek then confesses that he can relate to Sally's frustrations. He related her feelings to his own inadequacy in serving Malleus, the powerful and noble king-to-be of his country. That feeling... Sebek describes it as akin to heartache. But instead of wallowing in that heartache, he pushes himself to close that distance between himself and his idol. If he keeps hesitating, then there is absolutely no way he can catch up to where Malleus is! Sebek must dedicate himself to becoming someone worthy of serving him. He encourages Sally to do the same through both her words and her actions! At that moment, Jack walks in and Sally makes good on Sebek's advice. (This part isn't important to the analysis on Sebek's character, so I'm glossing over it.) The vignettes end with Epel complaining about Sebek being loud as per usual. Sally doesn't take issue with his volume though. She simply giggles and informs Epel that Sebek speaks so loudly and clearly so that his words can resonate with others--like how his words gave her courage.

We have learned new lore about Sebek's grandfather and mother. What does this tell us about Sebek? A lot, actually--if you slate it with all the other lore we have on hand.

We see just how strong of a woman his mother is. I suspect this is where Sebek picked up a lot of his hard-headedness, as well as the tendency to express himself very overtly, from. However, it also speaks to the loving environment he grew up in.

His mother seemingly never questioned her own life choices and never gave up fighting to prove her happiness to a father--and likely an entire community--that rejected her marriage, her husband, and maybe even her children. She fiercely loves and defends her family and the life they have made for themselves. Sebek states that he looks up to her for her magical strength, but that he also admires her principles and strong convictions. Indeed, it was her who ardently pursued Mr. Zigvolt and did not allow naysaying to deter her.

Then there is Mr. Zigvolt. In Sebek's Birthday Boy vignettes, he describes his father as "a strange man" who is "magically deficient" and "never lets his smile fade, no matter what I say to him [...] he defies comprehension." Though Sebek doesn't seem to hold the same amount of respect he has for his mother for his father, we don't hear Sebek openly insulting his dad, just expressing confusion about him. When asked about it, Sebek denies depending on his father--but it's clear there is a fondness there that he's not addressing. Mr. Zigvolt is impressed whenever his children use magic, buys them snacks they never asked for, and talks with them for long periods of time in a calm, patient manner. His father, too, has given Sebek so much compassion and understanding.

We don't know a lot about Sebek's siblings, but they seem to get along fine! He has mentioned going to parks with them. They've also gone fishing together and witnessed magic competitions, which they were all amazed by. The Zigvolts in general (or at least the parents) seem to be accepting too, as they volunteer to take Silver in whenever Lilia is unable to take care of him.

And you'd think that's where it ends, but NO. Baur ALSO has a lot of love to give. Despite not approving of his daughter's marriage, he doesn't actively despise his grandchildren. Quite the opposite, in fact! Though he's rough around the edges and looks scary, Baur doesn't fault any of his grandchildren for being born half fae and half human. He actually makes it a point to bond with them, and especially with Sebek. It was Baur who taught Sebek the language of nocturnal fae and instilled in Sebek his love for reading (as he bought many books for him and tells many stories himself). He also personally reached out to Lilia to train Sebek, as the young boy (at around age 7) expressed an interest in martial arts. Sebek has a love for salmon carpaccio because he and his siblings would fish at Baur's house and then prepare the dish for him--Baur was so happy about it. Additionally, Baur values getting a good education and was proud when Sebek shared with him that he was invited to attend Night Raven College.

Sebek grew up in a country that dislikes humans, but he was raised in an household where he was loved unconditionally and provided with all the resources he could need to get a good education and become someone who is physically strong. So of course he becomes frustrated when he sees Sally, who is so nervous to act on her feelings. What would have happened if Sebek’s mother had been like Sally? Sebek, as the youngest of three, might not event exist. His parents may not still be together… or maybe they wouldn’t have gotten together in the first place. It’s exactly because Sebek knows what love is supposed to be like--courtesy of his own family—that he can see it so well in others, and wants them to act on it. His very existence is proof that love is possible, and it transcends arbitrary labels like race that serve to divide people into categories.

One quirk of Sebek's is how he's always dishing out back-handed compliments or making comments that come off as rude but aren't at their core. He can't seem to help but say a good thing that sounds like something bad. His Diasomnia classmates, usually Silver, have to translate these Sebek-isms for others, who misunderstand him or interpret his words in the worst possible way. For example, from one of Silver’s Fairy Gala lines; “Sebek said to me that no self-respecting disciple of Lilia’s would dare get a single stain on this clothing. That's his way of encouraging me.” In Silver's Dorm Uniform vignettes, Sebek tries to reassure his friend and tell him to not let other people's opinions hurt him--but he phrases it as, "Hmph, ridiculous! I see no reason for you to heed a few random comments from some humans." The duo is also shown to be competitive with one another in training; it's never malicious, they both want to prove themselves as the superior knight, and the other serves as motivation to improve and/or a means of measuring one's own growth against a fellow disciple. When the mostly elderly population of Harveston is in need of physical labor, Sebek comments "[...] the humans in Harveston are woefully out of shape," yet he insists he "still [has] energy to burn" (as if to volunteer himself to do more work) and call such tasks "simple" (as if to point out how easy it is for him to do, so don't worry about troubling him). He hauls apples and helps the villagers with whatever they need, declaring that they should "be grateful"--but if he truly did not care, he could have stopped at any time or settled for just making fun of them. But Sebek doesn't, because he DOES care deep down. This aspect of Sebek is made even more obvious in Fairy Gala: What If. He appears at Ramshackle and opens by declaring, "NO! I am by no means worried about anyone! [...] Don't mistake my intentions. I am NOT here to help! If your mission doesn't succeed, the repercussions will definitely affect Malleus and Lilia. Hence... I shall lend you uneducated humans my aid! [...] You're welcome to weep with joy at my magnanimity..." Time and time again, we see Sebek demonstrating a lot of kindness, but deflecting or not being totally transparent with his intentions due to pride or embarrassment. This behavior is very reminiscent of Baur, the grandfather that Sebek loves dearly and spent so much time with. Baur, too, can be very passionate and loving, but struggles to speak of those feelings openly. Just look at how the man deals with Mr. Zigvolt. The behaviors of the family, then, imprint on Sebek and influence his behaviors--and being that Sebek is from such a loving group, it follows that Sebek puts out a lot of love into the world too.

A lot of times when the fandom discusses Sebek's attitude, I feel it's from the context of him being hateful towards humans. I'm not going to deny that Sebek has said some pretty nasty things about half of his own identity. The point I would like to make here is that Sebek can love just as strongly.

The most obvious thing that supports the claim that Sebek is capable of strong love is how he views Malleus. It's no great secret that Sebek practically worships the ground his dorm leader walks on. That's essentially Sebek's key defining character trait. What I'll ask you to consider instead is the nature of Sebek's love--not the obsessiveness of it, but rather the unconditional nature of it.

In Lost in the Book with Nightmare Before Christmas, Skully laments that Sebek has not been disappointed by his idol, Malleus. Sebek actually corrects him by saying that love isn't imposing your own views on your idol, it means preparing to accept them, flaws and all. He says the same of Malleus; should the time ever come where Sebek's expectations of Malleus falter or their paths have to diverge, then he will still embrace his young master, never once turning his back on him. And where does Sebek gets this from? His parents. The father who loves his children no matter how critical Sebek may be of him. The mother who remained so strong in the face of her friends and family being against her life choices.

A common fandom sentiment regarding Sebek is that he blindly follows Malleus--but when speaking about his idol to Skully, Sebek says that agreeing with someone and continuing to love them are different things. You can disagree with someone's actions and still continue to love them and accept them. This follows what Sebek does in book 7; though he is betrayed and hurt by Malleus turning his powers against the world, Sebek does not let up on the hope that he can bring his young master back. He even sillily calls the yet-to-be-hatched Malleus tamago/egg-sama, showing even an infant form of Malleus great respect after witnessing his OB. Skully took the opposite path that Sebek did; when he realized that his own idol, Jack Skellington, was not as he imagined him to be, Skully became enraged and lashed out over it. Sebek points out Skully's inadequacies as well, which ties back to how he spoke of his own drive to improve in his Nightmare Suit vignettes. Skully confesses to trying desperately to emulate Jack--so much so that he breaks down when Sebek's UM destroys his iconic shades. He wallows in his current state and doesn't make efforts to change or to be better; the past and his own vision is where he's comfortable. It's a strong contrast to Sebek, who has made it clear he will continue to train and work hard to prove his merits and to be someone worthy of protecting the great Malleus Draconia.

It is Sebek's passion and boundless love that makes him a hero both in Lost in the Book with Nightmare Before Christmas AND in the main story's book 7. He serves as a foil to Skully in the former and actively saves Silver when he's on the brink of despair in the latter. After learning that his biological father is the man responsible for killing Malleus's mother and leading the Silver Owls' onslaught on Briar Valley, Silver despairs and comes to the conclusion that his father must loathe him. "He could never love the son of the man he despised! He has to hate me! He has to!" Sebek rushes to Silver's side using Living Bolt, a UM he has yet to master (thus causing residual damage to him when he casts it), to correct him:

"You have this much strength... and you dare to say you weren't loved?! That you were hated?! [...] If [Lilia] hated you, he didn't have to give or teach you anything. He could've just raised you into a dimwitted coward and made you a servant. But he didn't--and look at you now. Even alone and helpless, you stood firm. You spoke up, unfaltering in the face of our liege's madness. Even trapped in the darkest despair, you kept on fighting! Who raised you to be so strong? LILIA DID! Why don't you see? Why do you doubt? You should have understood years ago! What can you call your strength, if not the direct result of Lilia's love?!"

WHETHER SEBEK REALIZES IT OR NOT, A LOT OF WHAT HE TELLS SILVER HITS HOME FOR HIM TOO... Like, thinking about it... Sebek must have faced a lot of prejudice from his community because of who his father is. He might have grown up thinking he, too, was hated, had he not been protected by his loving mother, father, and, yes, even grandfather, who is still struggling to accept the human in their family. Baur must have been feeling very complicated emotions upon meeting his half human grandchildren for the first time... but even though he dislikes humans, he could never find it in himself to dislike his grandkids. If he had hated Sebek, he wouldn't have wanted him to get a good education. Baur wouldn't be happy that he got into NRC. He wouldn't personally ask Lilia to train the grandson who expressed an interest in combat. He wouldn't buy so many books for Sebek or read with him or tell him stories or teach him his language. But Baur DID do all of these things, because deep down he loves Sebek no matter what he is. If it was anything less than love he felt for his grandson, if he decided to neglect his grandkids, then Sebek would have grown up as some "dimwitted coward". IT'S ALL CONNECTED.

And now here Sebek stands, able to tell others that they are loved and should be cognizant of that love. He reminds Silver that Lilia loves him. He advises Skully to reevaluate how he sees his idol. He tells Sally to speak honestly about her feelings, because it was his own mother speaking honestly about hers that led to Sebek and his entire family being as happy as they are now. He shouts at people to act and to speak their minds because he doesn't want them to live with regrets, because he doesn't want to see them be weak and timid--a version of himself that could have resulted if he hadn't been loved so strongly.

You can say many things about Sebek: that he's loud, that he's rude, that he's a fanboy, that he has big muscles. But of all those muscles, Sebek has a very big heart too. And what made him so strong? All the love he received from his family, despite growing up an environment that surely invited hatred for humans.

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ihavenoideawhatiamdoingjustgay2 · 2 days ago

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Voicelines about you

Arlecchino x Reader

Includes : Tartaglia, Wanderer, Charlotte, Lynette, Lyney, Freminete, Navia, Chiory and ofc Arlecchino

Note : This has been rotting in my Samsung Notes since months lol

Tartaglia

- Have you heard about the Knaves poor spouse? Sneznayas Darling? No? Well, I have seen them only a few times since they decided to reside in Fontain. Or since she made them, it wouldn't suprise me, the woman is intimidating and knows her way with words, who knows what she did or does with them...

Wanderer

- Who? Hmmm, they usually are always by her side, she had never move them an inch from her, or atleast that was before she had them stay in Fontain. But the last time I saw them, I could swear that the ligth had dissapeared from their eyes. And who can blame them, with that wolf of a wife... hehe, she must have ripped them limp from limp by now.

Charlotte

- The Knaves spouse! Of course! They are a hard catch these days! Not that I could Photograph them though, they're the same as the Knave in that regard. If they are dead? I can assure you they are not! I always see them at the mornings when I run to work! Sometimes alone, sometimes with the Knave, but I only have ever gotten a wave out of them. Such a mysterious figure...I wish I could just get one interview, I even tried to write to them! But only the Knave responded, denying it...such a shame.

Lynette

- Huh, I will assume you got that information from Childe. 'Mother' is...different from 'Father' to say the least, they are gentler, have a softer voice. Though if you upset them, that soft voice will turn solid. I've seen it before when a few of my siblings tried to slack off to much. They are even more strict than 'Father' in some cases, but, none of us blame them and whoever talks bad about them...well...you don't wanna know.

Lyney

- So you have heard about them? Was it from the rumors that 'Father' has killed them? Or from Childe? Childe, really? Interesting. Well, when Lynette and I were younger, we have noticed that 'Father' would treat them differently. Just not in a positive ligth, while we liked them. They were... different from the other caretakers, and so we spun a little matchmaking with the help of Freminete. I remember it all quite fondly.

Freminete

- You've heard of 'Mother'? They are kind, I think. Sometimes...sometimes when I wanted to cry when I was younger, they would pull me aside and have me silently cry in their lap, even let me stain their clothes...they would never mention it to 'Father', and act as if it never happend.

Navia

- I thougth they were dead for the longest time! That was untill I overheard the Knave ask one of her soldiers to deliver the message that she'd need to stay a bit longer and for them to prepare the soldiers. I never meet them in person, but...I'd suggest you to be careful with them too. I don't think a Harbinger would choose their Partner ligthly.

Chiori

- I am not really one for rumors, let us just say that I thougth they were made up, but that was untill they came into my shop just five minutes after I opened it on a Monday. They were very adamant about the fabrics I should use and what they wanted, also having their measurements along with them already. I like customer's that know what they want. How I knew that they were the 'Mother'? The presence of the Knave in front of the shop was a big indicator for it, as for some other clues, like the ring, and the fact that they kissed, and maybe because they called her their Husband.

Arlecchino

- My spouse, of course, I've gathered that you have already heard about them.

What I can say about them? Well, as the 'Mother' it is their duty to stay by my side and support me in my work. They do so quite well. You say that, that sounds as if they function as the 'First Lady' or 'First spouse' in this case? Well, I suppose that's true.

- Oh? You wanna know even more about them? Maybe I should get you to meet them then, they have been asking me if they could meet that famous traveler everyone has been talking about, we could arrange something, just be careful, they have been quite timid lately. But I'm sure you'll get along well.

#genshin impact #arlechinno genshin #arlecchino x reader #genshin arlecchino x reader #genshin impact arlecchino #genshin arlecchino #arlecchino x you #tartaglia genshin impact #wanderer genshin #charlotte genshin impact #genshin lynette #lyney genshin #genshin freminet #genshin navia #genshin chiori

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lesbianloser69 · 3 days ago

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It’s such a simple thing really, but “do you want me to be alive?” is one of, if not the saddest, things written in the entire world of one piece. Although, maybe thats just because of my soft spot for found family tropes (especially siblings lol)

Ace is just a small little boy here, a fragile thing compared to the character we all know. This is a harsh contrast compared to Ace in his adulthood, where he’s fueled by his ache to prove himself and prove that he’s more than his father. You never would have guessed the reality of his childhood, considering the cheery and almost comedic relief he can be at times.

I guess I kind of expected this, though. Aces hatred for himself and feeling that he doesn’t deserve to be alive was first hinted through his self deprecative jokes, before we ever knew about his past or who he was. I noticed this myself, that through the facade of sarcasm and cockiness there’s just a guy who feels like his life is a burden to all those around him. And what does it all come down to? His blood, the last name that he refuses to bear out of his hatred for the man who gave it its meaning.

Ace going by his mothers last name isn’t just a testimony for his respect and love for her, but also an act of defiance against his father. I don’t blame him lol, but it’s honestly heartbreaking that Ace has no idea that Roger did love him, and Ace died not knowing this.

The result of Rogers actions on the world though basically fucked Ace over for his entire life, and that was what made Roger selfish.. to go and cause a war and then have a son? It’s no surprise that Ace is seen as the child of the devil, because that’s exactly what Roger was seen as.. the devil.

So for all of Aces childhood he’s taught one thing: that his father was the devil, and that he is the child of that monster. That he doesn’t deserve to live, and what’s worse is he has to listen to strangers talk about murdering Rogers son, if he ever had one. He’s barely even lived to know anything, he’s just a baby, and he already believes what the ENTIRE world thinks of him, he’s hated and worthless and a burden. That’s so much for a 10 year old to have to carry alone, and it’s even sadder to see how this causes Ace to be shut off and cold to everyone he meets.

But of course he is.. hearing people talk about murdering him if he did exist (not directly him because no one knows Ace is Rogers son, except Garp and the mountain bandits. Besides, the world believed Roger having a son was a rumor anyway.) doesn’t make his hatred for anyone he meets that unsurprising. For all he knows, they want him dead too.

When Ace meets Luffy, he’s completely baffled that this boy he’s never met before wants to be his friend! How can someone WANT to be his friend? No ones ever been like that to Ace before, except for Sabo. Even after Ace pushes Luffy away, and makes it extremely obvious he hates him and doesn’t want Luffy near him, Luffy doesn’t give up. He’s urgently insistent on being Aces friend.

So…

“You feel better when you’re around me?”

“You need me?”

Ace is almost at a loss for words here. Luffy feels better around him, Luffy needs him. He’s wanted, he’s loved and he’s cared for, someone notices him for more than just a mistake, that is both beautiful and heartbreaking. And back to this panel:

The way ace nervously fidgets with his hands here (I believe he is, anyway) and his head is tilted downwards.. he’s clearly asking something that means everything to him.

“Do you want me to be alive?”

And little Luffy just instantly, without hesitation, says of course is soooo fucking cute and sweet and UGHHHH!!! Luffy is the first person to EVER say he WANTS (fr gotta emphasize on the want) Ace to be alive. This changed the trajectory of Aces life forever.

I guess I’ll stop here but there’s so much more I could talk about and say.. but Ace and Luffy are very special to me

my small babies☹️

#portgas d ace #one piece #one piece ace #monkey d. luffy #ace one piece #straw hat luffy #luffy and ace #asl brothers #one piece marineford #marineford #post war #analysis #writing #one piece analysis

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777gojosgf · 3 days ago

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reader deals with heavy depression after geto disappeared

tw: heavy heavy talk about depression

a/n: i haven’t posted on here for like 2 months and this was in my angsty drafts for awhile lol so it’s pretty shit but err whatever

another side note: reader already deals with seasonal depression but geto’s disappearance was like triggering

——

the pounding in your head never came to cease, a rhythmic movement you have grown to crave instead of avoid. the longing of letting yourself succumb to these dark thoughts because it’s the only time you feel like yourself.

as if you were born miserable.

you laid on the floor of your dorm room, the scribbled down notes splattered with tears were all across your room. you had decided to take up the advice to write your feelings down in a way to sort whatever you felt inside. however, you found yourself unable to put it into words.

it’s a feeling that someone who has never felt it is not able to imagine it. after all, what sane person craves to be sad?

however, it's possible that this is what gave you a sense of aliveness at this moment. and it's not just some kind of sadness, nor is it because you want attention. it’s a seasonal condition that resurfaces the instant you manage to get back on your feet and start living your life normally again.

it returns in moments of enjoyment, when everyone is together and making jokes. yet, you feel out of place, as if you are not present with them. your mind wanders to thoughts you shouldn't have in such a nice setting. it’s as if you attract these sombre ideas and are unable to adjust to the tranquilly that everyone else appears to have.

you were so tired of feeling like you were crazy.

you were unable to do anything once he left. it felt as if time had stopped, but life compelled you to continue. why did it appear like it did not matter to anyone? how could everyone just keep living and looking at you with pity?

it truly wears you down to be bound to someone for so long.

sometimes you wish you could crawl out of your body and see yourself from a different perspective. to check if you could still feel the anguish or if it was simply embroidered in your bones. if there was anything else to you but this sense of nothingness.

you had never felt lonelier than in a room full of your friends.

the worst part of it all was that nothing helped.

you knew that it would get better.

and it does get better.

but how much worse can things get before you glimpse the light again? how long will it be before your brief moment of enjoyment fades?

you had considered running after him. must set aside all your principles, because what morals are there to follow if you don't have the one thing in your life that keeps you going?

what’s the point in anything if not for love?

you wanted to shout that your brain simply functions in this manner and that you weren't being dramatic. knowing you are unable to stop the self-destruction your body has created. that, like everyone else, you have made a sincere effort to get up and make the most of it. you really did try. you all had a wound to heal, but you chose to leave it open.

so when gojo broke down your door and fell down beside you to see if you were still alive after not having left your dorm room for days—even though it had seemed you were getting better—you had knew that everything has gone too far.

this emptiness inside of you.

the agony.

everything went too far.

he went too far.

and you were aware that you could not have accomplished what he did in any lifetime. that you couldn't force yourself to crawl after him because you would never stoop so low.

after years of telling each other broken promises that are now coming back to haunt you, there was only one thing left to realise: you had to carry on. it was not your fault that you felt the way you did, and there is probably no way to fix it. but it was time to let yourself heal and accept that you are not okay.

that it’s okay to ask for help.

if not for yourself, than for your friends.

gojo had not been able to shake you out of your paralyzed state, and it wasn’t until the feeling of his tear dropping on your face that you finally looked at him. him shouting that you can’t let it get to you, that he can’t lose you too fell almost deaf upon your ears.

you had allowed yourself to sit up straight and fall into his arms, tears silently pouring down your cheeks in a strange sensation of relief, which only exacerbated your already severe headache. you were both sobbing as you huddled together in your dorm room. both unwilling to accept what has happened and forced to continue pretending to understand.

neither of you had mentioned that night ever again.

there was a before geto, a during geto, but you never imagined there would be an after him, and it would be so devastating.

but you were grateful gojo found you when he did; otherwise, there was no guarantee you'd be here today. teaching the next generation while the memory of geto stays with you.

he would always be a part of you, and you had learnt to accept and love it rather than allowing it to break you apart.

to heal.

#jjk #geto suguru #jjk angst #angst #gojo angst #jjk x reader #jjk fanfic #gojo x reader #jjk drabbles #jjk imagines #jujutsu kaisen #jjk geto #jjk gojo #jjk x you #writing

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prinzrupprecht · 3 days ago

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How they React to you Being Chosen for Ragnarok

Featuring: Okita, Wukong, Cu Chulainn, and Loki

Lol decided to just try Wukong. Sorry for adding Cu again!

Okita

You had met him since he was summoned to Valhalla alongside his friends and adoptive father. You were pretty powerful yourself as a master swordswoman of the Sengoku period being known as the best Iaijutsu user in history wielding one of Muramasa’s cursed blades, so it was no surprise that Brunhilde had chosen you to represent humanity in a battle tournament.

Souji was quiet about it for a while. He didn’t know why you were chosen and could potentially die. He had grown incredibly fond of you while training with him and the others. Why were you chosen? It never stuck well with him and he’d rather be the one to die and not you.

You were way too kind and treated him like a human. Losing you would leave an impact on him. All he could do was support you in your choice to partake in this death battle.

Even when you tell him it was fine and that you’ll win no matter what. Souji tried to smile even when you both knew things could go wrong at any time. He wondered who would you be fighting. What kind of an opponent you would be up against? It upset him deeply but all he could do was pout over it for a while.

When Ragnarok starts, you want to be the one to show off your amazing swordsman skills that you honed over the many years before he came to Valhalla.

“No matter what or who I face, I want to give it my all!” Smiling gleefully at your words. Souji and the others would cheer for you to the end. Even the knot forming in his abdomen would never be settled until you returned to him.

Wukong

While you were in the meeting room sitting next to the former problematic child, Wukong and a few of his sworn brothers waiting for the list of chosen Ragnarok representatives. You personally didn’t care if you were chosen but seeing Wukong attempt to sleep and not care about the list made you chuckle.

You were tempted to flick the book off his face but didn’t want to irk him. “Oh, look your name!” One of the sages next to Wukong pointed. Huh?

“Eh?! I was chosen?!” You squealed and covered your mouth. You over Sun Wukong? Even as one of the strongest goddesses of sorcery, he was far stronger and battle IQ was higher than yours.

Wukong took the book off his face to see the list of names due to curiosity. You over him? Baffling. Was he offended? A little. However, he wasn’t going to show his annoyance over it. He honestly, couldn't care less about being chosen for Ragnarok.

However, with the drastic commotion of the other gods that weren’t chosen… you were worried whether Wukong was upset that you were among the chosen.

Not in particular with his demeanour showing how little he was interested in fighting but was going to partake in the god tournament for the hell of it. “You’re not upset?!” You asked without hesitation.

“Nah, I don’t care.” Was his answer. Just as he was about to walk towards the arena he turned his head giving you a smirk and telling you better win your fight. This was also your chance to prove how strong you were as one of his companions for many years and someone who means a lot to him even if he hides his feelings. He was too egotistical at times refusing to acknowledge his feelings for you, but deep down, he wouldn’t know what to think if you lost and died.

Cu Chulainn

An hour after being chosen to be a part of Ragnarok, you couldn’t wait to find out who you would be fighting. However, those from your pantheon have been ignoring you including your beloved, Cu. Morrigan calls you useless and that she should’ve been chosen instead. You weren’t bothered by her words. You didn’t retaliate to get her riled up.

Cu wasn’t anywhere to be found but then you remembered about the side tournament thingy… oh maybe he was going to participate in that?

You saw him petting Geiss but he didn’t look at you nor acknowledge you. “Are you upset or mad? It’s not my fault the old geezer chose me on the roster!” You pouted while clenching your fists into balls.

“Why are you yelling? Geez, you’re just as bad as Morrigan.” His words made your left eye twitch. Did he compare you to Morrigan?!

Wha— me? To her?! You told me a thousand times I’m better than that woman! Whatever, I’m not watching your match.” You went to leave stubbornly, Cu was never this rude to you. Despite all your neediness and clinginess to him, you were ready to show how you weren’t weak.

Cu didn’t rush after you considering how his match was very soon and he already joined the god vs god tournament. He wanted to win for other reasons, however, he didn’t want things to be on bad terms with you either.

You were incredibly stubborn but always listened to the higher-ups unlike him. He always liked your goody-two-shoe nature. He’d have to find you later and explain his irritated behaviour over a lot of things.

“What a bothersome…” he groaned knowing he had to make amends later with you. This was a norm and it’s what makes him attracted to you.

Loki

You were sitting beside Loki with your knees up to your chest as he was leaning on one arm bored like usual while Zeus talked. “The old man never shuts up…” he mumbled while Zeus was explaining Ragnarok and would show the list of chosen gods or goddesses that made the fighter list.

A few moments had passed before Zeus showed the list of god fighters. “Ah! You’ve been chosen Loki~! Oh, wait— me too?!” You saw it correctly, you were unsure how to take it. Shock? Zeus recognized your own strength and believed that you were worthy enough to be in Ragnarok?

“No freaking way…” Loki gritted his teeth. Why did he pick you? Zeus should’ve known better! Was he mad? Yes. Beyond pissed. He wouldn’t want anything to happen to you and it was driving him up the wall. Thor even noticed his irritation.

“Huh? Is something wrong?” You looked at him obliviously as he fell silent. He couldn’t do anything about it either, could he convince you to drop out and give your spot up for someone else? Maybe, but you could hate him for it.

“It’s nothing,” he pulled away from you despite how you two were always close to one another like a couple. Something was off with him and you already could tell why he was upset.

After the meeting, you followed behind him closely despite his quietness and being upset about you being a fighter as well. “Loki~ I’m not weak! I can handle my own! Why else would Zeus choose me?” You poured but he stopped walking.

“No, no. It’s not that, you seem too calm about it. You better not lose to an inferior human…” he tilted his head to the side to get a better glimpse at you. He had high hopes for you while also thinking that humans weren’t strong, after all, you were a great sorcerer like him.

“Ha! Why would I lose? Loki~ you know I’m not that weak,” you walked up to him hands his arms unexpectedly.

“After all, we should win this. You and me! And be together forever after!” Your smile has always melted his heart away. His worries were completely gone as he held onto you.

“I wouldn’t want anything more than that.” He whispered in your hair. He would always be there for you whenever you needed as the same with you. He’d rather die if you were gone.

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lennjamin-o7 · 18 hours ago

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Thought it was time to return the curse upon you for once... (also inspired vaguely by the DMs from earlier so hehe)

AU where Techno is a superhero.

Not just any superhero, really. One of the best. He manages to keep the city crime free almost singlehandedly and does so without breaking a sweat. Though he does work together with another hero named Phil and the two are thick as thieves.

It's hotly debated among fangroups of civilians why Techno joined the hero ranks. Since he doesn't exactly make it subtle that he's an introvert, fame is off the list. Techno is kind of brash and awkward too, he doesn't strike people as the sort of guy who does it for something as vague as 'helping people' - he also might get a bit too excited about new villains for that to ring true. There are rumors that his family was killed by a villain and this is Techno getting revenge, but this rumor is never verified. Maybe money? Money is a pretty good motivator.

The truth is that Techno is incredibly bored.

Techno peaked in high school and is so incredibly gifted kid coded. (/hj)

And hero work is a great adrenaline kick, a thrilling situation to throw himself into. Especially villains who come up with wild schemes. Maybe, just maybe, it's even bordering on depression. He has to keep busy with hero work or he literally can't bother to get out of bed or motivate himself for much of anything.

Things have been better since Phil came along. Phil is, in a twist on the usual dynamic, the less experienced one when it comes to hero work (despite being so much older lol, Phil was a civilian hiding his powers before). So he's teamed with Techno to learn the ropes, and the two hit it off, and the team-up becomes permanent. Phil is the first and only person Techno considers a friend. And after befriending Phil, Techno gradually gets a few hobbies (he's cultivating a potato plant in the hero association dorm, he's reading books Phil recommends to him, he's playing chess with Phil on slow afternoons).

But Phil would still like for Techno to have more of an identity outside of his hero work. Techno brushes him off. It's almost a running joke at this point.

(Technoblade is not his real name. It's his hero name. Techno has no civilian identity, never bothered to maintain one. This is concerning to Phil).

Whenever Phil thinks he's made some progress, a new villain will pop up or something will happen and ALL of Techno's attention will go to that again. And then after it's over he'll be bummed out because Techno usually beats the villain very easily and it doesn't pose a challenge for not. What Techno truly needs is an archnemesis.

Good thing that one day, a new supervillain pops up in town.

He's cruel, and he's smart, and he's ruthless. And he's very, very strong. Strong enough to almost beat Techno into the ground one-handed during their first confrontation, though Techno manages to win just barely. It's as if this new villain knows all his moves, his weaknesses. It's exhilarating.

The new villain calls himself The Crowfather.

(Fangroups don't really debate on why Phil joined hero work. But if they did some digging, they might find out that Phil once almost died, and the only thing that kept him from dying was a hero saving him. Technoblade.

They might find out that Phil became a hero not because he cares about the status, or saving people. He just wanted to get closer to Techno. To repay him, somehow, any way he can.

Even if it means murdering a bunch of innocent people.)

Hey, Techno is smiling a lot more now that he has The Crowfather to go up against. And isn't that all that matters :)

[this was so rambly, i'm not very good at this and u can tell lol]

I've think I've kept this hostage long enough Shara Friend. It has been kept for my eyes alone long enough. Now, I freely share it.

Fuck yeah bored Super Hero Technoblade! You popped off with this. I love Sneaky Philza standing by his side and, if it makes him happy, standing against him as well. Who cares about the ants he has to squish to see Technoblade HAPPY. An easy and small price to pay for the guy who saved him.

Gosh, I love this. The DRAMA that would ensue when everything is found out. How will that go? Will Technoblade be appalled? Disgusted? Angry?

Or maybe, just a tiny bit curious about how interesting it would be to be a Villain.

Love it. Love it so much. I want to CORRUPT this version of Technoblade so so SOOO much!!!!

#lenn writes #ask and ye shall receive #other's aus #sharada-n #anarchy-and-piglins #technoblade #philza

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agalychnisspranneusroseus · 2 days ago

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Just how much power did Marcy have over her friends pre-Amphibia? When they throw the kpop puppy party at school, the principal assumes "those two" pushed Anne into it, and Anne kind of admits it. When Anne is about to sacrifice herself, she says "all my life I've followed you two". During her one and only S1 appearance, she's seen maliciously nodding alongside Sasha when Anne steals the box, and with Marcy asking to meet up on Anne's birthday, while Sasha is the one to carry out the order, the implication is that they're almost like... working together. I know she was supposed to be "meaner" when they were working on S1, and I think they changed her personality because Haley Tju made her too adorable(? and maybe also because Matt thought the whole show would fall apart if people didn't like Marcy (considering what a huge impact she has on everything that happens, I'd say he was right). But Anne's line in THT and the flashback in All In implies she wasn't nearly as much as a doormat as it may seem sometimes, at least not as much as Anne.

Or maybe she was? Because you also see her in this place of submission when it comes to Sasha (and also Anne?), especially in BOTB, when she's happy to switch from Anne's song to Sasha's without even hearing the first, only stopping to consider Anne's approval. That scene struck me as her always happy to go along with her friends' wishes and never having much of an opinion of her own. That's why she was so desperate for them to get along during The Dinner, and why she never took a side when Anne told her she and Sasha had a fight. She closest thing to defying Sasha that we ever see her do is when she's working alongside like 10 other people to protect Newtopia from the Toad Army, and she says they had to "defeat Sasha and Grime" specifically, which I think makes sense considering they're attacking the city she's supposed to protect (she's IS a high-ranking member of its military forces AND a close advisor to its king), and not wanting to "defeat Sasha" would rock the boat with everyone else involved, Anne included. Yet we never really see her angry at Sasha for what she's doing, she just wants her and Anne to "work things out". I think it's clear that Marcy struggles with empathy, because if she put herself in Anne's shoes, she wouldn't expect her to "just work things out" with Sasha. In fact, she would have taken Anne's side agessssss ago, but she's way too focused on herself (her goal is for everyone to be happy forever and get along, while Anne and Sasha may want something else). Marcy being self-centered isn't a hot take, and I don't think she's any more self-centered than Anne was during most of S1. In fact, I'd argue Anne was even worse lol. The difference is that Anne made a million relatively small mistakes while Marcy made like two or three very big, very bad mistakes (bringing them to Amphibia, striking a deal with Andrias behind their backs, and not taking a side in Anne and Sasha's fight, which is something I never see people bring up as one of Marcy's most flawed moments).

So... going back to the question I made in the beginning... did Marcy just go along with Sasha's plans so enthusiastically when compared to Anne, who had more doubts and had to be pressured into them, that it made it look like she and Sasha were more in cahoots than they actually were? I think this is very likely. I also think it's likely that she and Sasha genuinely shared a liking for rule breaking back in LA, and her own self-centered-ness prevented her from realizing Anne wasn't comfortable with it. Maybe she never even considered if she liked to go along with Sasha's plans, like, Marcy strikes me as someone who doesn't look inwards much. I think we can rule out both Sasha and Marcy being equally controlling and possesive of Anne, because her relationship with Sasha was very much not one of equals, with Anne as a third wheel. Was she more of a third wheel? We know Anne and Sasha don't share most of her interests and will often ignore her and her needs, and we know she feels like losing them is becoming dangerously easy. We also know Sasha has no qualms taking Anne on some kind of birthday date without Marcy which I'm 75% convinced it's because she had a huge crush on Anne but I digress which, from a doylian perspective, is explained by the fact that they seemingly didn't want to show Marcy too early, but from a watsonian perspective, it just comes across as Sasha not priorizing Anne spending her birthday with both her best friends. Like, you can do with or without Marcy. She doesn't seem to remember Marcy until she texted her, actually.

But then you have lines from Anne about how "if you friend wants to you steal something, you do it, because if you don't, they may not want to be your friend anymore", which, oh boy, if she at least perceived Marcy as pressuring her into stealing the box (rather than it being 100% Sasha's idea) that would shed a whole new light on her relationship with Marcy, because it would seem like she, too, feels like their friendship could fall apart if she didn't go along with the other two's plans. And I do think Marcy at least somewhat participated in pushing Anne into it. It wouldn't be the first time she made Anne do something bad - she told her to lie to Valeriana about stealing the box, something Anne later appeared to be ashamed of, and she insisted of going along with the puppy party when Anne was having doubts. I imagine Sasha (who also pressured Anne into doing very much not so "lawful good" things, in more extreme ways than Marcy) might have come up with the idea of stealing it, and Marcy just supported it. Marcy taking Sasha's side. Possibly over and over again. We know Sasha didn't exactly manipulate her because she didn't have to: Marcy just always did everything she said. Anne was the one who needed a bit more convincing.

Marcy's relationship with Anne and Sasha is fascinating. She's definitely the most morally gray of the trio, and possibly the most complex one too, in the sense that she's full of realistic contradictions - an adorkable manipulator, an amoral softie, a self-centered sweetheart who loves her friends more than life itself, a possesive kidnapper with a heart of gold, a very selfish and self-sacrificial person... and it's never just a mask or anything, she's not just pretending to be nice, she really is that way, she really is all of that together. I think that's why people struggle to read her a lot of the times, because so much about her characterization seems conflicting with itself... but I think that's the key to making characters deep and realistic. In real life, we're all walking contradictions and we don't really make sense. Marcy's character doesn't seem clumsily put together to me, like they frankeinsteined all the different character traits she needed to make the plot work without any cohesion between them. I think she's a complex tapestry that sometimes requires a closer inspection to decypher it, and I think the glue holding everything together is her lack of intrapersonal intelligence, her inability to look inwards and notice her own contradictions.

We know she felt unloved by her friends yet desperately clung to them with everything she had, going to extreme measures to ensure they all stayed together, even when it hurt them. We know she's capable of manipulation, scheming and lying to the people that love her most in order to guarantee that goal. We know she's possesive with them, but she also loves them enough to let them go in the rare cases when she realizes she's hurting them (as seen in A Day in the Aquarium). From her journal, we also know she feels very ashamed of these possesive impulses. We know she'll neglect to form her own opinions and ideas to agree always with her friends' wishes, which means she feels completely lost when they want different things. But this also shows that she would never think of an idea of hers as being explicitly opposed to what her friends want. She wouldn't consciously do something that they wouldn't like. Which is insane, because, who would want to be separated from their family and thrown into a different world without any sort of notice? Which leads us to understand that Marcy has zero emotional intelligence and has never looked inwards in her LIFE, AND that her empathy skills are in negative digits because it would have taken her a nanosecond of thought to realize Anne and Sasha probably wouldn't like to be kidnapped. And since we know she never wants to do something they dislike, she must have just... not thought about it at all. No thoughts head empty. It really was just BLANK up there when she made that decision. I think Marcy is a very "true neutral" character who struggles with empathy and humility, who loves her friends but doesn't have the emotional intelligence to really understand them, and who is happy and enthusiastic to be Sasha 2 Electric Boogaloo because... that's what she knows. That's how her friend group works and her goal was never to have a deeper and more genuine connection to them, but to keep it close to her.

So... my conclussion is that, pre-amphibia, Marcy was Sasha's very enthusiastic (but emotionally neglected) right hand man, with Anne as their oblivious victim. It really IS complex because you have to then add Anne always looking out for her, losing sleep over her, yet also ignoring her needs, and Sasha not even bothering to hide how much she doesn't care about Marcy's feelings (which reflects on Marcy not consciously caring about her own feelings). There's also Marcy always assuming the best from them too, despite repeated evidence of their disinterest, and her fear of displeasing them looming over her constantly. Ik I said Anne was Sasha and Marcy's victim, but I meant that like... symbolically, because Anne is not innocent here either. She wasn't a great friend to Marcy before Amphibia. Here's why I always say Anne couldn't develop a deeper, more genuine and open connection with Marcy because of Sasha's oppressive presence and her own lack of emotional maturity. And Marcy couldn't develop a deeper, more genuine and open connection with Anne because of her own lack of empathy and reluctance to face any kind of conflict. So Marcy is Sasha's enthusiastic but emotionall neglected right hand man, who also feels subordinate to Anne despite Anne feeling subordinate to her. That's why they both feel like third wheels at different times. There's an illusion of Marcy with more agency and power than she actually has. In reality, only Sasha is on top, and the other two are two very flawed individuals, one slowly cracking under the weight and the other, less sensitive to the same pressure, trying to uphold the status quo.

#amphibia #marcy wu #anne boonchuy #sasha waybright #amphibia meta #my posts #character analysis #see this is why i say marcanne is toxic yuri

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hwnglx · 2 days ago

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how would sunghoon act around his crush?

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

okay, so.. for sunghoon, the definition of a crush might be different to other people. he's a longterm relationship kind of guy, and doesn't seem to like the idea or concept of casual flings. i do think he can find a superficial appreciation for attractive people more easily, than he develops true crushes. (like he'll acknowledge someone's good looks mainly out of courtesy, but wouldn't say he actually likes them, if that makes sense) it does take a very intriguing person for him to have interest in someone.

sunghoon absolutely takes his time. he's very slow-moving. something i've mentioned and noticed in several readings now. he isn't the type to just rush in and hastily approach his target, but moreso observe them from afar, really contemplate and think his actions through carefully before proceeding. i can not lie; it's kinda giving stalker lol. the page of swords often gives off this overly curious spy and stalker energy, especially considering the lack of upfront action present in a lot of the spread. he isn't the type to make his liking obvious on the outside, and it can be pretty unclear at first.

let's say you're in the same club and sunghoon spots you from the other corner of the room.. he finds you extremely alluring and intriguing. the only thing you might be able to notice is his eyes wandering to you at times, but it's unlikely he'd go up to you right away. he would watch you closely to figure you out. sunghoon would watch you talk, laugh.. he would watch where your hands wander, if someone elses hands touch you, who that person might be, (man or woman? friend? too close friend or lover?), how that person looks at you, how close you two get, how you walk, what you like to drink.. you get the drill. there's this desire here, to already know about important and defining things such as your likes and dislikes, before actually going up to you. in that way, he can make sure he appears like his most appealing self in front of you.

once sunghoon would find, or even create the perfect opportunity for you two to connect (like he's the type to personally arrange your meeting for it to be flawless.. like figure out your schedule at college and go to you during a time when you're alone), he'd want to give you this impression of being the perfect guy for you. he'd definitely prefer a more intimate setting for you two to meet or talk for the first time, as it's important for him to focus on you completely. as well as have you see, or care about no one but him in that moment. he'd think of ways to impress you, whether that's by making sure he's looking his best, or just putting himself into this position of him embodying everything you've always looked for, or needed in a person. he'd just find ways to make you believe you two are made for each other, since best believe; if sunghoon approaches you, he sincerely believes you are the one for him. like you'll embody everything he wants in a person, so he'd want to be the same for you. he might test you, see if there even is a likelihood for you to develop the same interest. he seems very clever in that way; he can just tell if someone likes him by figuring out the smaller but important clues. like your reaction to certain questions, or the way you gaze at him. (it's giving “if i like someone, just put the two of us in a room together for 15 minutes, they'll probably walk out more obsessed than me after that” lol)

i have to say though.. the longing to act on his feelings still seems more pronounced than the action itself. meaning, i can see him being very hesitant to actively approach people as of right now. as mentioned before, sunghoon acts and approaches with a lot of intent and thought behind it; he will not pursue someone if he feels like there's no future for you two, and it can't go anywhere. there seems to be this uncertainty within him, where he can dream of circumstances ideally being different, however being very aware of his inability to fully commit to the person he loves at the moment. not only due to his consistently full schedule, him always being away at some distant place, never having enough time or energy on his hands to give his lover what they deserve. but also knowing the distance would make it hard for him to keep a watch on his person, especially if you still haven't established your connection into a fully committed and stable position. “what if i'm away and they do things behind my back?” there's some trust issues he can't seem to help. i'll say it again and again; you'll rarely catch significant scorpio placements being fond of long distance. and he just seems in a position where there's no other way.

funnily enough, this is a crush reading, which moreso is a shallow and beginning-stage sort of liking; however for sunghoon that doesn't truly seem to exist. he's either fully invested in the person he set his eyes on, or completely out.

nevertheless, the spread did end interestingly; with the ace of wands and temperance. sunghoon will expect the other party to be just as invested. if he has a crush on you, but can sense a lack of interest on your side (somehow again, it feels like this is rare for him like i don't think he's ever experienced that before and doesn't believe he ever will lmaooo, he's a confident man for sure), he will not be the type to insist and chase after you. but, if he feels like the genuine interest is reciprocated, that will awaken the spark within him to keep a hold on the connection; it'll keep his passion alive. even if he's away. you just need to make him feel comfortable, like he can trust you and isn't wasting his time and effort. he does expect a lot from his partners too, and isn't the type to endlessly pour into your cup if you don't care to do the same for him.

he only puts in effort if he feels like it's worth it. he will be the type to take some time away from his busy day and reserve it for the person of his interest; but only if he thinks the person is aware of the value behind that. he's immensely self-focused and individualistic in several ways, so whoever manages to have sunghoon shift his focus on them, is not only very special, but also manages to give him this feeling of.. “this is a person worth sacrificing my own precious time for.”

#kpop tarot #enhypen tarot #this was supposed to be a cute little crush reading like #damn sir!

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tadc-harlequin-au · 3 days ago

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Heyyyy I need to know what Swap!Harlequin Pomni's living situation is, and how her Caine fits into it... No reason in particular..

(Totally not for a fic I'm cooking, not at alllll)

Her living situation is the fact that I was thinking: she's living in a large underground hideout (one of those war bunkers) hidden inside a broken down shed that sat abandoned for years until roleswap!Pomni and Abel found it and repurposed it for themselves. Since they're on the run, they can't exactly risk on staying on a big mansion like Harlequin!Caine does in the canon story.

On the surface, it looks like a very dilapidated bunker entrance and opening the surface entrance door would lead to an "unstable" walkway down that had seemingly collapsed in on itself, but if you were able to put in the effort of moving the "debris" out of the way, You'd realize that it's actually just a coverup to make sure the place never gets explored beyond the "collapsed" walkway. How is this coverup possible? One of Pomni's many magic tricks.

Opening the inner door and hopping onto the open elevator with barely any protective railings on it, it's layers upon layers of rooms, and there's a small open space in the middle of it all, with a tall high beam support connecting the layers to ensure that the place doesn't collapse in on itself. Caine likes to use these beams as like an obstacle course of sorts for getting up and down.

This is a rough layout on how I think it'd be, not the final look obvs but it is a start that I can improve on later down the line

There's a number of 'broken-but-still-kicking' Puppets living in this space, all being taken care of and attempted to be fixed back into their prime to give them a shot at living a life that was robbed from them. Not exactly in tip top shape, but hey. At the very least, they have a safe space away from their abusive masters, and the duo never claimed they were good at this kind of thing anyways.

Pomni does have an office, but it's significantly smaller, very homely and she doesn't spend as much time in there unless it's wanting a small enclosed space to simply smoke in, thinking of a gameplan for their current situation or figuring out what to do for the day, and the day after that. Even more surprising is the fact that Caine likes this area the most and stays in there for extended periods of time, whether Pomni is in or not. He's in a calmer state when that happens, so Pomni lets him be.

Speaking of Caine, how does he fit into all this? He just does. He's actually not as energetic as Harlequin!Pomni, being an Assassin Harlequin instead of an active fighter; he's much more toned down and surprisingly well-behaved in the grand scheme, if at all irritated at the entire situation and how he had let his guard down enough to be roped into her mess. Passive-aggressive and speaks in a low tone like he's constantly judging, which he is lmfao.

... But that doesn't mean he doesn't ask for a target Puppet to locate, capture and bring back (if he can't kill them lol) to be inaugurated to Pomni's cause. He's still acting on directives like a normal Puppet would.

He does find out one day that he has a knack for making/fixing mechanical things, after finding Abel's pathetic attempt to reverse engineer an old mechanical wonder. This newfound passion of his could occupy him for hours (or days usually) on end, and frankly? it's nice to have peace and quiet instead of him going off on her ear about how the whole place is a damn OSHA violation completely.

Even goes to the extent that he knows the ins and outs of a Puppet body like an expert surgeon would with the body of their patient, which... Pomni finds quite interesting because as far as she knows, there's only one person in her eyes who could be a natural at something like that.

#thanks for the ask!#tadc #tadc au #harlequin au #tadc harlequin au #the amazing digital circus #tadc harlequin roleswap au #pomni #caine #tadc abel

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curlyflesh · 2 days ago

Text

theory: THE CARGO HOLD HORSE

i thought this scene would be connected to my POLLE = ANYA theory but … not quite. because the cargo hold monster is not exactly polle, is it? not at all. it’s a monster horse.

so what if the cargo hold horse is jimmy himself?

the cargo hold scene occurs after daisuke goes into the vent and because they are out of isopropyl, jimmy has to go to the cargo hold to fetch mouthwash as an alternative ,, this is the first time he experiences a nightmare hallucination connected to his guilt.

his official descent to madness

each of his hallucinations represents a chance for him to take responsibility for whichever aspect of the crash that is presented. we see him confront every crew member after this … but he also has to confront himself first, which is the purpose of the cargo hold horse.

i was trying so hard to connect this horse to anya because of her association to polle but it didn’t seem right … this horse is a literal monster. it is referred to as “a blind beast,” it’s more aggressive in nature, blind with rage, impulsive with power…

The Blind Beast (1969)

this might be a reach but the words “blind beast” remind me of this japanese horror film that not only shares anatomical visuals (eyes, dismembered body parts) as mouthwashing, but also similar themes of psychological torture, dehumanization/objectification, (sexual) abuse … do with that what you will!

and in general,

to be blind/blindness in fiction often symbolizes lack of morality, ignorance, stubbornness, close-mindedness, isolation, lack of perception, emotional blindness

tying that into the ‘beast’ … well, we all know what kind of person jimmy is. our worst moments don’t make us monsters, huh?

“A blind beast, aimless and restless / You can’t run from it”

this note in particular, while it is supposed to be a warning for the player … i want to reach and say that it could possibly be from anya since we know that she is quite perceptive/figurative (like in her dead pixel monologue) and the notion that she keeps tabs on the crew because she is the nurse (like the psych eval) … it could be her venting about jimmy.

“aimless and restless”

we know jimmy is aimless, regarding his lack of skill that prevents him from moving up in the company. frankly, he has no passions and no sense of duty in this career because curly was the one who gave him this position out of pity.

he is very much a restless man. it is reflected in his grumpy, erratic and impulsive personality, as well as his mood swings.

“you can’t run from it”

… not much to explain here. no one could run from jimmy, could they? and with anya in mind … she chose the only available option she had. she didn’t necessarily run from him, but she hid from him and took control of the last moments of her life.

and let’s talk about the cargo hold horse’s functions.

if you make noise, it will catch you. similar to the purpose of the polle centipede, the capturing represents confronting his guilt. if the horse catches him, he is forced to confront his inner demons.

“BE QUIET” could be jimmy attempting to shut his mind off from panicking and … crashing out completely (lol)

also note the fact that the cargo hold horse can only be visible with the code scanner. the scanner can only be used by the captain. this can be a self-reflection metaphor (jimmy looking inwards and facing his inner demons) or it could be a form of irony (curly having already been aware of jimmy’s ‘monster’ and doing nothing about it)

i also want to mention the horse’s design. it is a loooong horse. idk if that could be connected to jimmy’s appearance but say … if you put that horse and polle together, what would that create? the polle centipede monster aka the unborn child.

lastly, at the end of the cargo hold sequence, you have to fetch the mouthwash from polle. we’ve established that polle is anya … why is she holding the mouthwash out of reach? to prevent jimmy from using the mouthwash on daisuke.

side note: polle is also present before jimmy enters the cargo hold, making it known that anya is beginning to plague his mind…

that’s it for now! lmk if you want me to analyze or elaborate on anything else :) hit my inbox or message me! i’m not paying attention to other ppl’s theories so if someone already came up with this then … sorry

#jester cooks #mouthwashing #mouthwashing analysis #jimmy mouthwashing #wrong organ

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pixitarot · 2 days ago

Text

stray kids ideal type

🅽🅾🆃🅴: ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ᴇɴᴛᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴘᴜʀᴘᴏꜱᴇꜱ ᴏɴʟʏ. ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏꜱᴛ

bang chan:

chan wants someone who has gone through or is even going through hardships at the moment. he isn’t into someone who had everything handed to them. he finds an interest in those who are mysterious and perhaps introverted, aswell as those with a “dark” past, whatever that means to him. he seems sort of a fixer, it’s like he wants someone who he can save from their own mind. he wants to teach them and introduce them to new things and ideas. i guess you can say he wants to lead this person and lead the relationship. i don’t get that this is in a toxic way, its not like he’s in this machismo mindset. i think he just likes to feel needed, and feels satisfied being able to help those that he loves. he loves a challenge, so he might be into someone that doesn’t necessarily “tries hard to get” but are naturally a person that is hard to get to know and has their guard up. he would enjoy seeing the progress of him being able to open this person up. i don’t think he’s spiritual but regardless, i do think he feels like there could be a specific person out there for him almost like a soulmate. he’s definitely a one person type of guy. he would rather wait for the right person even if it means waiting a while, than to enter into meaningless relationships.

lee know:

minho is kind of similar to chan in thinking there’s one specific person is out there for him. however, i think he believes he has to go out there in the dating scene to find that person instead of just waiting around for someone to come by. he definitely wants someone who is creative, so it could be he would want someone who is in a creative field. this might sound odd, but i think he wants someone that is “pure” meaning, someone who doesn’t smoke, drink, drugs, etc . (nothing wrong with it that’s just what i’m getting) it’s like he wants someone that acts very professional/ appropriate on the outside. i get the feeling he would want someone that many people respect and look up to. someone who doesn’t care at all what others think about them. definitely someone who’s an extrovert or atleast an introvert who can easily act extroverted. he doesn’t want someone who is insecure and needs outside validation to feel good. he needs someone independent and sure of themselves. i feel like he can’t stand superficial people. he wants someone that is okay with his career. he’s going to be away from them for a while because of his schedules, and they need to be okay with that.

changbin:

it seems like there is a pattern with wanting to find the one lol. changbin is someone else who would rather wait for the right person than date just anyone. i’m kind of getting that he might’ve been heartbroken before? i’m not sure. he is another member who wants someone creative. he wants someone that has brand new ideas that they put out into the world. he can get turned off by someone who makes excuses on why they can’t do something. he doesn’t like those with victim complexes and can even get annoyed by this. he likes when they have the ability to go out of their comfort zone and face theirs fears. he wants someone who’s assertive and stands their ground, probably someone who would be a leader in their field. they won’t hesitate to go against those in authority. changbin would prefer someone who made their career their priority and he wouldn’t mind being put second. it could also be that he’s like that which is why he would want this person to be the same way. i’m also getting he needs to be friends with this person before he can even think about a relationship with them. i really feel like he needs peace in a relationship and wants no drama. someone who causes problems over trivial things will drive him away quickly. i also get that he might want someone that’s not shy when it comes to sex, like they aren’t afraid to talk about sex or to try new things lol.

hyunjin:

a pretty traditional man. i get the feeling that he might’ve had a good image of what a marriage looks like whether it’s because of his parents or just from those around him. hyunjin wants someone who has an established career, someone he can brag about to his family. almost like a CEO or something lol. doesn’t have to be. he would really want a relationship where they individually have goals and success. it’s giving power couple. he wants someone who uses their negative past experiences as motivation to be better. for example, if someone grew up in poverty, it would give them motivation to work even harder to gain wealth on their own. this is just an example and doesn’t necessarily have to exactly be that. he values communication in a relationship. if there’s an argument, they need to solve it together right away. he can’t be with someone petty, someone who gives silent treatment or is passive aggressive. he also wants someone who…makes time for him. yes he wants someone successful, but he wants them to make time for him and makes him a priority. he definitely would not want someone who was too much of a workaholic, he would get bored and would want to end the relationship. i think he’d prefer someone who is introverted, someone who goes from work straight home to him. it seems like he could get pretty clingy lol.

han:

i’m not sure if i’m picking up on a specific person or if this is just exactly what he would want in a person…but i keep getting him wanting someone who has gotten out of something difficult. it could be anything but for some reason im picking up on financial struggles. it’s not that he wants them to be struggling, he more so would like if they have healed from that. he would look up to them for overcoming these things. i’m getting this is kind of similar to chan, expect unlike chan he would like if this person has healed on their own instead of being healed with his help. he would find that commendable and it seems like he would wish he overcame that struggle in the way that they did? it could be that they went through similar things but is impressed by how they were able to overcome it. i’m not gonna lie, i feel like he would want someone who works with him or someone that’s in the same field as him. he likes when they have similarities. he has such a pure idea of love lol. almost like high school sweetheart vibes. he dreams of marrying someone. he needs someone who is dating to marry aswell. i do feel like his idea of love is a bit unrealistic, it’s like he would avoid conflict completely even if things are getting toxic so that they could have 0 fighting in a relationship, which is obviously not possible. he wants someone that thinks highly of themselves, someone confident. his reading was a bit confusing because i feel like im picking up on a specific person.

felix:

felix wants someone very motherly. someone cancerian. he wants to be nurtured in a relationship, to be able to feel like he can completely open up to them emotionally. i think felix has a hard time being completely vulnerable with people, maybe a fear of looking weak, or just him not wanting to “burden” others, so being with someone he can open up to would help him. i keep picking up on nurturing lol i really feels like he would value this. it would make him feel safe. he wants someone smart. i’m not sure if this means academically smart or just in general… i think he would just be attracted to someone who knows about a lot of things, or has different projects that they take on. he probably likes learning from them. i’m not gonna get too much into detail with this but i do think he would want someone religious. felix needs someone who won’t get up and leave the relationship the second it gets complicated. he wants to be able to do different things with them. i think he’d prefer to be in relationship with someone who he was friends with for a while, or atleast someone who he gets comfortable with quickly.

seungmin:

oof another member who is potentially talking about a specific person lol. seven of swords came out which is self explanatory. maybe there was some sort of betrayal in this relationship (if there was one). i’m gonna try my best to find out what it is that he likes and not about this one person lol. seungmin is very family oriented and he needs the other person to be the same. it seems like he wants to be a father one day. cute. yeah i got the “memory” card so this is definitely about a specific person lol. ANYWAY… he would prefer someone introverted, i’m not sure if seungmin is an introvert, but if that’s the case, he wants someone that’s similar. probably prefers at home dates than going out. also some that’s private, that doesn’t tell everyone their business especially not about their relationship. there’s also something here about fate…it seems seungmin is going through some karmic lessons. i wish i could add more but im not picking up on anything else.

i.n:

jeongin wants someone charitable. he wants someone that gives without expecting something to be given back to them. this is such soft and kind energy. it could be that he would want someone in a field that include helping others. he wants someone who doesn’t hold back from achieving their goals, someone who doesn’t lose motivation the second things get overwhelming. i also get the feeling he wouldn’t want someone that’s lazy. it does seem like he values independence in a relationship… so he would need someone who’s committed to their career just as he is with his own career. i’m also getting something about spirituality. i’m not sure if he’d be into someone spiritual, but whatever the case is, he wants someone that can trust their own intuition when it comes to making smart decisions. also, using the hardships that come along the way as lessons and motivation rather than use it as self pity. he wants someone who takes action and doesn’t just say they’ll do something and then not do it. i’m getting that jeongin would really be attracted to someone who trusted their own abilities.

#skz #stray kids #tarot #tarot reading #bang chan #seungmin #changbin #lee know #lee felix #hyunjin #jeongin #han jisung

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lafaiette · 1 day ago

Note

Do you also feel like there is an ungodly amount of trash talk about Solas? Which would be fine but there really aren’t very many options to defend him????

That’s my biggest gripe so far. Like I feel like they are taking the choice away from me by making me be antagonistic towards a character that I don’t want to be antagonistic to in a game that is supposedly about CHOICE.

Sorry Lafiatte I’ve been feeling spicy about it lol.

OMG YES (under the cut because spoilers)

Everyone detests him, Harding is angry with him even before Varric gets stabbed, all insist what he did was terrible, that he was always distant and prickly, when we know this wasn't exactly true - he didn't want to grow attached to people in DAI for obvious reasons, yes, but he was always kind with his companions and the people in need. He always approved when the Inquisitor performed a kind action (like leaving flowers on a tomb) or said something nice.

If you use the outside camera when the Inquisitor first arrives in Redcliffe, you can see Solas kneeling down to help some hurt people on the road. That's who Solas was, not the cold person everyone (especially Harding) describes.

Also, no one wants to understand his POV - I think I have seen only Davrin "defend" him in one occasion, and Rook can sometimes say something positive about him ("He's lending us his help", "He's been nice so far" etc.), but it's really, really frustrating. Also, the constant repetition of the theme of regret - sometimes the dialogue seems written for 5 years old children playing a Pokemon game.

It's like the devs wanted the new players to hate him, and the old fans who never liked him to finally have the chance to say how much they can't stand him. Meanwhile the players who genuinely liked him, friendly Inquisitors and romanced Lavellans, are swept under the rug.

"Oh... you like Solas? Damn... good for you, I guess..."

I'm glad some people are liking it, but I can't see any love for the fans and the setting in this game, only fatigue and hurry. Understandable, after ten years of development hell, but damn, I'm sad.

#da:tv spoilers #theprairienerdtoo #solavellan #THANK GOD i haven't been obsessed with the series for whole ten years #i started focusing on other fandoms around 2017 i think #i think if i showed this game to old me from 2015 she would be miserable lol #also don't get me started on morrigan #suddenly talking trash about blood magic and missing her mother #HER MOTHER #WHEN IN DAI SHE CAN TELL HER 'i won't be the mother you were to me'#HER MOTHER WHO TREATED HER LIKE SHIT FOR YEARS

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jeonscatalyst · 2 days ago

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/pjslight/765192589573079040/relationship-status?source=share

Just curious... I want to know your thoughts on this.

Hi anon,

I must say I actually really love reading from Jikookers who have very different opinions on what Jikook’s relationship might actually be like and I don’t know about others but I enjoyed reading OP’s thoughts on the whole thing as this was an angle I had never seen any Jikooker discuss before.

I have always said that, anything is possible because we unfortunately don’t know every side of their story and I have also always said that, there is a good possibility that Jikook didn’t have a conventional relationship, not because they didn’t want to but because their circumstances made it impossible for them to.

This is just my opinion obviously but I don’t quite agree with OP on the point that they might have never realized that they loved each other. 13 years is a very long time for people who have lived that closely and have been that close to each other, spending a lot of down and private time with each other to not realize how they felt for each other.

I think this is an argument we can make about fetus Jikook because I honestly believe that they (especially Jimin) didn’t understand he felt for Jungkook. This might be an unpopular opinion but Jungkook might have figured out first that he liked Jimin in a way he shouldn’t which would explain his hot and cold attitude towards him. You know ignoring him when Jimin payed attention to him and then sought him out when Jimin wasn’t paying attention. Shoving him in walls in front of the camera but going to cuddle him in his sleep and wanting to spend nights with him. Fetus Jk was the epitome of a hormonal teen with a crush on someone they didn’t want to accept that they liked.

Jimin on the other hand let himself feel what he felt for Jungkook but he just didn’t understand why he liked Jungkook the way he did. We heard teenage Jimin ask himself multiple times why he liked Jungkook so much and even mentioned how it drove him crazy how much he liked Jungkook. We had fetus Jimin openly saying that he thought Jungkook was really cute but he knew that if he said that, people would think he was weird. He was clearly questioning himself about his feelings for Jungkook possibly because these feelings for another guy like himself were not feelings he had had before but I think after sometime, he figure it out and knew that he had a crush on Jungkook or was in love with him. I think that even though Jungkook probably figured out that he was attracted to Jimin in a different way before Jimin did, I think Jungkook had a harder time letting Jimin see or know that he liked him.

Jimin in my opinion is someone who gives his all to the people he is in love with. He jumps into it with his entire body and completely lets that person know all his cards while Jungkook is one who feels these things but is more weary of letting the person know all his cards unless push comes to shove (hello rainy day story) Jungkook is a softy who desperately wants to act like a tsundere. He always wants to seem or come off cool so he plays the tough uninterested guy (I mean how do you explain him shoving Jimin away or ignoring Jimin every time Jimin was affectionate but at the same time went to cuddle him in his sleep or kept trying to touch him when Jimin wasn’t paying attention?) while Jimin is/was that person who loves like a fool. Jungkook wants to seem cool and like he is a “je m’en fous” kind of person but he is really a softy. Jk is the kind of person who would verbally deny how he feels just because he doesn’t want to lose points lol while Jimin is that person who doesn’t care if he loses points as he just wants to be able to freely talk about and express his feelings. It is kinda hard to explain but even though I find that Jk tends to act tough, I think he actually even loves harder than Jimin does but just hates to admit that he does while Jimin has no problem admitting that he is a goner.

I also don’t think Jimin and Jungkook haven’t acted on their feelings. Let’s be serious here for a moment we are not 12. Who honestly believes that Jimin and Jungkook spent all those long nights together so often just looking at each other’s faces? Over the years Jimin and Jungkook clearly liked going to spend their nights and downtime with each other alone and while this is partly because they had the same sleeping habits, there were definitely other reasons. We are talking about them constantly choosing to be together ALONE at nights and during other downtimes even though they usually spent almost all day together with the rest of the members. I know we have discussed this at length but who honestly believes that in LA, Jk kept going to spend hours in Jimin’s hotel room because he was too lazy to take 5 extra steps to any other member’s room? We are talking about boys who met and probably fell for each other while they were hormonal teenagers who barely had a chance to date because of their hectic schedules and because they weren’t even really allowed to because of the career path they choose. These two hormonal teens obviously feel attracted to each other and surprise, surprise love to spend a lot of time together alone, mostly at nights…..come on, do we really think their will power was tough enough to resist how attracted to each other they were? I am betting good money on the point that they definitely acted on those feelings.

Now where I do somewhat agree with OP is on the point that their circumstances may have made things difficult for them to have a conventional relationship. Sometimes we don’t get just how difficult things must have been from their pov. Now, this isn’t to say that there aren’t people who have made things work under the most difficult circumstances but I think that them being famous and all, made things a little more difficult for them. I also agree that there may have been points when things felt a little too serious for them and they panicked and took steps back from each other. I don’t necessarily think that they hooked up with other people though because not everybody turns to hooking up with other people just because they can’t be with the ones they love but it isn’t an impossibility.

I think Jimin and Jungkook’s relationship is a lot more complicated that any of us could even begin to understand and I think that within all the years of them being together, they have had a ton of ups and downs.

I think Jimin and Jungkook are together but I don’t know how together they are. I think Jimin and Jungkook love each other and are possibly in love with each other and have always been but I don’t know how seriously they choose to treat what they felt/ feel for each other. I think they both know what they feel for each other and regardless of how they agreed to deal with those feelings, I think they were moments where they wanted to just have a normal relationship and probably just date and let everyone know. I think there were moments where they got frustrated about not being able to love each other freely or be together like they wanted to be which led to them expressing those feelings in unconventional ways. Say whatever you want but JK’s GCFs to me was a way he found to express how he felt for Jimin. I think his GCFs were an outlet to release those feelings he felt like he had to hide from the world and he found a clever way to do it. I think that during Rosebowl, when Jimin and Jungkook kept shouting “I love you” and “Love You” back to back, I think those were not to the fans but to each other. The moment they stopped saying “I love you guys” and switched to “ I love you” while saying it right after each other, that was them shouting to the world that they loved each other but of course doing it in a clever way that didn’t make things obvious. I think those two have craved having a normal relationship where they could openly be together and tell the world about how they felt for each other but couldn’t and this made them sad and also put strains in whatever relationship they have with each other.

Things were never bound to completely make sense for the simple fact that we don’t have all the information. We are not always able to explain their happiness, sadness, coldness, aloofness, anger because we don’t know what happens in their lives everyday. I believe I have said this before but even though I had always been positive that Jungkook loved Jimin a lot, no other period showed me just how much he loved Jimin like the solo era did. I remember watching Jungkook’s actions in the solo era with my jaw touching the floor because he couldn’t be more obvious and watching the Jimin centric Live he did on March 27th 2023 always breaks my heart in so many ways,I mean who watched those lives and doesn’t see how much Jungkook loves Jimin? Who watched those lives and didn’t wonder why Jimin eats hot food on Suchwita and we have Jungkook repeating twice with obvious concern on his face that the food must be hot and going ahead to move his mouth like he is trying to cool down the burning sensation for Jimin? Who watched Jk and didn’t notice how obviously attracted he is to Jimin by how he went so still and almost stopped breathing while he watched SMF pt 2 Jimin? Who watched Jk in the solo era and didn’t question why someone would wake up at 4am to watch his band mate while kicking, smiling and blushing? Nah, Jimin and Jungkook know how they feel about each other, have probably acted on those feelings or done something about it but I just don’t know what they decided to term what it is they have with each other and how seriously they have chosen to treat those feelings.

Life and relationships are extremely complicated so anything at all is possible. Even though most of us wish for or hope that Jikook have this fairytale type of romance, it probably isn’t always like that because unfortunately life knows how to throw the biggest curve balls and that’s why it is important to keep an open mind about how things might really be with these two. I feel like it is obvious to me that they love and are attracted to each other. I also think it is abit unrealistic to think they haven’t acted on their feelings but what we don’t know for sure is how seriously they choose to treat those very obvious feelings they’ve always had for each other, so I do agree with OP to some extent and disagree with some of their points but I think their post was really good and it felt refreshing to get a different pov.

#jikook #jimin #jungkook #shipping discourse

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zepskies · 2 days ago

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Oooh I'm vibrating with excitement for this chapter!!

New York City was different, the same, but different. Even though Ben had been gone for forty years, it still felt like the center of the universe. There were still hot dog vendors on every street corner, still magazine stands with freshly printed newspapers that smelled like ink and were warm to the touch, still coffee shops that lined the streets and caffeinated the masses, and there were still cab drivers who wove through traffic as if they were unstoppable shouting at pedestrians as they went.

I love how you describe NYC here as Ben tries to figure out between his memories and what he's seeing. It really must've been so discombobulating for him, painful even, to know how much of his life has been eaten away and how the world has moved on without him.

And Ben didn't want to cling to some fantasy, it felt feminine to fanaticize about the person who was supposedly meant for him breaking down the thick metal door and pulling him from the lab.

Sigh. lmao. This feels very Ben, and it's heartbreaking really. He has that hope deep inside, almost immediately by the instinct to stamp it down for the sake of perceived "femininity," as if that equates with weakness. (Obviously for him it does.)

When his mother was alive she would try her best to make Ben feel better telling him that it wasn't impossible, that one day it would all make sense, but after her death Ben stopped feeling comfort, joy, and anything warm.

Aww, I've also had this headcanon about Ben, that the only person who truly loved him in his life was his mother, and much of the "softness" in him died with her. 💙

He feels like he's caught fire, as if the pieces of himself deep down inside are overheating and vibrating until there's nothing left, but you and him.

Also, I love how you described how she's the "amalgamation" of every woman Ben's ever been attracted to, even comparing her to the women he noticed in his youth, and who he hasn't seen ever since. It's a special kind of timeless feeling that gets to the heart of him in what feels like a realistic way. 👌🏽

I don't want her to be apart of this. The thought is immediate, stirring some primal urge within to protect what's his. Because you were his. You were the missing piece that he pretended not to need and the woman who always seemed to slip into his mind when he was alone and all was quiet,.

Ooooh my GODDD, this is such a lovely piece of romance even though it breaks my heart. I know what Ben's about to do, but you can't help feeling the pull of that "NOOO, DON'T LEAVE HER!" loll

Bruh could've at least talked to her and explained himself before he ran away, but nooo. Granted, he's going through a lot coming back to the U.S., and he's already gone through so much and has so much hate in his heart, it's probably for the best that he leaves her for now. He just doesn't have any clue how he's going to find her again (and vice versa)!

But the apartment was large and cold, furnished with furniture that Ben had hired some twenty year old interior designer to buy, who charged him an outrageous amount of money to do absolutely nothing. She'd called it "minimalism," Ben called it "a fucking rip off."

Lmfaooo FACTS.

Ben's life was empty. He hadn't realized that before, but nowadays he was hyperaware of it. In the past he would have filled his life with women eager to warm his bed, but ever since he saw you Ben hadn't been able to think about anyone else.

Yeep, precisely what I thought would happen, but the self-reflection is good, and the break from frivolous sex lol. Though to be fair, this means he hasn't gotten any since before the Russians got him.

Also on-brand that he'd call it "pussy-like" to be pining for his own soulmate lmao.

Mostly because Legend's soulmate tried to pull a Lorena Bobbitt one night and Legend caught her before any permanent damage was done.

Not Lorena Bobbitt!! 🤣🤣🤣 I'm absolutely deceased.

Ben was not a gentle man, but for you he would try. He would be anything you wished him to be, for as long as he lived, because now that he found you, he was never going to let you go. And he welcomed the challenge of anyone who tried to stand in his way.

OMG YESS. Their meeting from his perspective was everything, and now I'm hooked on this story more than ever! Great job, friend. Literally can't wait (but can wait of course) for the next chapter! 💚💚

Chapter 2: I'll Never Let You Go Again Like I Did

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!Reader, Soldier Boy POV

Summary: With a birthday printed on your wrist that happened over a hundred years ago, you always thought that you were cursed to never meet your soulmate. But when you finally meet the man that's supposed to be the other half of your soul, you wonder if the stars were wrong, and wonder how this man was meant for you. Reader is Hughie's sister, is not a supe, and is a Literature Professor that gets dragged into the middle of things. This fic takes place in an AU set loosely after Season 3 and does deviate from the plot of The Boys

Tropes: Soulmate AU, Little bit of Grumpy and Sunshine, Age Difference (Reader is in her 20s), Protective Ben/ Soldier Boy, Jealous Ben/Soldier Boy

Warnings: Little bit sad, DENIAL, Homophobic Comments (Soldier Boy), Cursing, Mentions of drinking, Mentions of using drugs, Sexism, Mentions of Sex, Mentions of torture (Soldier Boy's Time in Russia) Loneliness, Longing (I mean… as close as Soldier Boy can get to it), Reader wears glasses?, Soldier Boy might be a little OOC.

Word Count: 6.4K

Song Inspiration For This Chapter: Until I Found You (chapter title is lyric from this song) and Coming Back For You

Note: Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue Is in First Person And Is In Italics

Playlist for Series (Spotify)

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

A/N: Oh my goodness I'm so excited about this series and thank you so much to everyone for all the wonderful love and support so far! It really means the world to me 🥰

One Year Ago: Ben POV

Ben squinted his eyes as he stepped out into the brilliant sunshine of the early morning, shouldering the strap of his worn backpack with a huff. The people on the crowded, gum covered sidewalks shot him odd looks and gave him a wide birth as he made his way down the path, but he didn't care, in fact he didn't notice them. His mind was somewhere else.

He wasn't sure where he was going, just that something in the pit of his stomach was pointing him in this direction. Ben had started walking in what he thought was the way to Legend's apartment, but the streets looked so different than the last time he was in New York and he was a little turned around, but he wasn't going to admit that to anyone.

And there was something in the pit of his stomach, some instinct or gut feeling, that was telling him he needed to go this way.

It was an odd feeling that prickled on the back of his neck, as if he'd forgotten something. Ben wondered what exactly it was that he'd forgotten. He hadn’t spoken aloud to anyone other than the scientists who kept him locked in a cage so he didn’t exactly have a social calendar to follow up on.

I've been locked in a lab for forty fucking years, what is there to forget?

But the more he thought about it, the more it seemed just out of reach.

Ben raised his eyes from the sidewalk with a sigh to look at the people passing by, taking in their new clothing and different hairstyles to distract himself. He frowned at the bizarre groups of people to him that flit by on their merry way, muttering little things under his breath about how things used to be.

Ben had a feeling that he was going to be doing that a lot.

The memories he had of old New York City merged together with what he was seeing around him and felt himself slipping into the past only to be jolted back into reality by the strangeness of the future.

He didn't like feeling disoriented, but it was there, brimming just under the surface. His body was tense as he walked prepared for anything, unable to relax as he continued on his way to wherever the hell it was he was going.

The morning sunlight reflected off the glass windows of the skyscrapers that worshiped the rising sun and the sounds of the city vibrated against the brick and mortar. There was a buzz of electricity in the air, the low hum of power that Ben could always hear beneath it all. Cars honked sharply, people shouted in colorful language to one another, and the wind rustled through the long strands of Ben's hair crinkling against his ears and scratching against his neck.

He hadn't had time to cut it or his beard and it didn't seem to be as important as finding Legend and getting his affairs in order.

The smell of hotdogs, earth, cologne, and heavy perfume wafted up with the breeze that tugged and pulled at his sweatsuit. The same stained sweatsuit he had found in a rust covered locker before hiding in the cargo hold of a plane headed back to the U.S that was probably almost as old as him. The plane ride had been long, but when he'd been in a lab for the past forty years it seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. He spent the whole time stewing in his thoughts. He'd slept enough and like hell he was going to drift off and let those Russian fucks take him again.

Ben sighed when he felt his memories begin to unravel on the edge of his mind, unfurling and asking to be relived. It wasn't unusual or unwelcome. Ben was using those memories to justify what he was going to do to his old team. As long as the rage continued to burn against his skin, Ben would have no problem breaking each of them down piece by piece.

Ben didn't understand how his team could have done that to him or why they'd done it to him. He thought that he'd been a good leader, a good American, a good soldier, a good hero, and yet they'd all stabbed him in the back. Sure, maybe he'd been a little rough on them, but Ben saw it as the only way to toughen them up. They needed thicker skin if they were going to survive in a world like this.

All I've done is give my fucking life to this country and what did they do? They gave me to the fucking reds.

His hand tightens on the strap of his backpack as he weaves through the crowds, trying his best to keep to himself when all he can feel is his anger and frustration building and burning hot under his rib cage. His new power stirred beneath the surface, energy beginning to travel through his body, tracing his veins and pulsing in the center of his chest.

I should have seen it coming. I should have killed that entire fucking bunch of pussies the second I had the chance. Especially that bitch.

His frowned at the thought of Countess.

Truthfully, when the two of them started messing around it was only because Countess's soulmate had died a few years before and Ben knew he wasn't going to meet his soon if anytime. He'd messed around with plenty of other women for the same reason and well…

Ben's frown deepened as he stepped around a couple that was walking arm and arm, the dates on their wrists flashing gold in the sunlight. He ignores the feeling that comes when he sees them, pushes it down into the deep recesses of his mind as he has done his whole life.

Since he was a kid, Ben wasn't sure that he believed the "soulmate thing." Sure he'd seen hundreds of other people around him find "the one," but Ben wasn't sure that he was made to be a soulmate. Especially not with a birthdate on his wrist so far in the future. He assumed that it meant he wasn't going to get a soulmate and he'd spent the better part of his life pretending that he didn't care about that. He was a man after all, and Ben didn't want to need anyone. At least, that was what he told himself.

Ben had lived long enough to see other soulmates find one another, witnessed the goofy looks on their faces when they locked eyes for the first time, and had the super hearing to listen to what came next.

But instead of focusing on the impossibility to meeting his own, Ben focused on the lie he told himself, that it seemed ridiculous to be intertwined with someone as soon as he was born. Not to mention that Ben wasn't sure that he wanted to be with someone, not when he didn't age and not when he'd have to watch whoever it was, if anyone turn to dust.

Yes, he could see himself settling down with someone, having a few kids, but Ben wasn't sure that whoever was supposed to be his other half was within reach anyway so why care? Ben knew that he didn't age, but he didn't actually think he'd ever get to meet you or that you would actually ever exist. Not when you were born so far away from him and not when he'd been trapped in that lab.

But that didn't stop a part of him from thinking about the possibility of meeting you. When things were quiet in the lab and he was left alone for a few precious moments, he felt his mind begin to slip into the question of what if?

What if you existed and what if you came for him?

He knew that it was a long shot. The only people that knew he was there were the people who stabbed him in the back. And Ben didn't want to cling to some fantasy, it felt feminine to fanaticize about the person who was supposedly meant for him breaking down the thick metal door and pulling him from the lab.

Again, Ben was trying not to believe in the "soulmate bullshit."

Countess had been a way of passing the time as had the numerous other women, but with them were moments when he'd feel something odd settle in his chest, something that he never could put a name to. In those moments he would raise his right arm and look at the birthdate printed on his wrist, the same one that Ben had kept hidden for most of his life, the one that when he was a boy people mocked him for, and the one his father chastised him for having as if it was Ben's fault that some celestial body had decided to single him out.

All of his childhood friends had found their soulmates and Ben had spent the better part of his life covering it up to avoid the conversation that always happened when someone saw the date. No ones soulmate was born so far in the future and Ben’s father had spent a lot of money making sure that word didn’t get out his son was a freak.

His father already made Ben feel like a disappointment and a fuck-up, but Ben was already thinking it himself every time he looked at the date printed on his wrist that seemed impossible. When his mother was alive she would try her best to make Ben feel better telling him that it wasn't impossible, that one day it would all make sense, but after her death Ben stopped feeling comfort, joy, and anything warm. All he felt was the cold shoulder from his father and the words that Ben pretended didn't hurt when his father was halfway through his second bottle of scotch with a third prepped and waiting on the kitchen table.

It made Ben feel like a pussy every time he looked at the mark and thought about his future soulmate, but he did it in private, usually after he'd had a few glasses of something and a few puffs or snuffs of something else to numb his mind. And he'd allow himself a single moment to think of you, wonder if he'd ever meet you, and wondered if you'd ever actually exist. In those few fleeting moments he believed in soulmates, but then he'd snap out of it and wake up the woman in bed next to him to distract him for another hour or so.

Ben's eyes flick to his right wrist covered by the gray and maroon tracksuit, his brow furrowing together. He was trying not to think about you or rather the possibility of you today. He didn't have time for that, not when all he wanted was to make his old team pay for everything they did to him.

But there was a little whisper of something in his ear, a small wisp of hope that he had finally made it to you, the one thing he didn’t think would ever happen, that he lived long enough to be alive the same year you were, and that you were out there somewhere waiting for him.

No. Ben tenses. I'm not going to think about her, not when those butt fucks need to be dealt with. I'm going to go to Legend's and then I'm going to-

He didn't see you in front of him until it was too late to move out of the way. Your body hits his full on in the chest, sending the bagel between your lips tumbling into the street, but Ben barely feels the hit, what he does feel is the dam he built forever ago burst open and warmth soaks into his body. Electricity skitters along his skin, crackling in the air as his eyes lock with yours only for a second. He feels like he's caught fire, as if the pieces of himself deep down inside are overheating and vibrating until there's nothing left, but you and him.

Any thoughts he had of his team and revenge are lost in the flood of emotions that fill the hole inside he tried so hard to ignore with the lie he continued to tell himself: “I don't believe in soulmates.”

And yet, there you were.

He can hear his heart and yours beating together as one, his own pounding so hard under his ribcage as if it wishes to break free and cross the space between your bodies. Seeing you for the first time feels like taking a bullet to the chest, the sharp jolt backwards when it lands and the pinch of flesh against Kevlar. It was worth the bruise if looking at you was the same way each time.

Ben can feel the world slipping away, going silent, and in that silence Ben is lost in you.

Holy Fuck.

You were the perfect amalgamation of every single beautiful woman that Ben had ever seen and fantasized about in his entire life. And yet you weren't what he was expecting. Over the years Ben had bedded many women, the ones who captured his attention for a night, but none of them were anything like you.

In all the ways those women were bold and dramatic you were confident, but not boisterous, beautiful but not haughty, respectful but not prude, and there was a kindness reflected in the warmth of your eyes that Ben had never seen before, but there it was staring back at him unblinkingly.

You reminded him of the women that came arm in arm with men to his parents lavish parties when he was a boy, the ones who were classically beautiful and reserved with the golden dates on their wrists catching in the light. The exact kind of woman he hadn’t seen for the better part of eighty years and the opposite of the women who had thrown themselves at his feet forty years ago.

Your hair falls forward into your face from the force of your body hitting his and Ben itches to push it back, to touch you, to feel his skin against yours to quench the burning that he can feel in his soul.

All of his instincts are telling him to pull you against him, that you're too far away even though you're standing only inches apart. That he needs to breathe the same air and feel the warmth of your skin against his rough fingertips.

The birthmark on his right wrist sears his skin and he knows what it means, that you're the woman he's been looking for his whole life, the woman that always seemed just out of his grasp, the woman that was made just for him, and the woman he thought would never exist.

He watches your eyes widen with the same realization about him behind your round glasses, eyes that are the perfect color and eyes that Ben can imagine staring in to every day for the rest of his life. He'd never wanted to spend more than one night with a woman, never wanted more, but all of that fades into you.

The idea of a soulmate no longer seems ridiculous, no longer seems like something he’d never have, not when he’s looking into your eyes and nothing else seems to matter.

Not when looking at you is like seeing the sun sink into the earth at the end of the day and feeling the hope that it'll rise the next morning.

The lie he told himself for so long is slipping away the longer he stares at you, because although he never wanted to want anyone he knows that he needs you. It's an odd feeling for him. He's never once cared about anyone, told himself that it was weak to, that having a soulmate was a stupid idea and not for him, but all of the things he ever thought about soulmates is evaporating in the heat that is consuming his body by being in your presence.

Why now?

The thought makes the world come back into sharper focus.

I've lived decades without her and now the moment I come back to the U.S I just run into her?

It was laughable .

The moment of clarity allows the fantasies of his revenge to come creeping in and Ben feels the anger and rage ebbing on the edge of the wonderful feeling building in his chest when he looks at you.

You weren't a supe. Ben could tell that just by looking at you. He didn't think he'd ever seen someone so soft and yet someone that he wanted to possess so badly that it almost hurt to stand inches away from you.

I don't want her to be apart of this.

The thought is immediate, stirring some primal urge within to protect what's his. Because you were his. You were the missing piece that he pretended not to need and the woman who always seemed to slip into his mind when he was alone and all was quiet,.

The thoughts of what he's about to do to his teammates come surging up and he didn't want you involved in any of that. Not when he knew that he needed to protect you, that he'd drag you along, and you'd see all the ugly parts of him and see the horror of what he was about to do.

He didn't want that for you, he didn’t want the first time that he met you to be like this, him looking like he'd crawled out from under a rock and full of so much anger, rage, and frustration it felt like he was going to explode, him having a new uncontrollable power that meant he might hurt you, and him being unable to give you his full attention when all he could think about was the team that stabbed him in the back.

What he was, was selfish, he knew that about himself.

But I won't be this selfish.

Ben had made many mistakes his life, he knew that, had done some things that he wasn't proud of, but you wouldn’t be one of them. He didn't want to put you in danger and realized that there was only one way to protect you, because after all, he was the only one who knew that you existed.

His eyes trace your face one more time, memorizing it before he does what he thinks is right. Ben turns away from you and forces himself to keep walking. Each cell in his body is screaming at him to turn around, to run back to you, but he can't. He doesn't want it to be like this and he knows that you deserve better.

I won't do this to her.

“Wait-“ He hears you shout over the sounds of the street.

The sound of your voice is a soothing melody, a warm soak in a hot bath, a steady hand against his back, and a salve over the gaping hole where a piece of him was missing for so long, the hole that he tried to ignore his whole life. He grits his teeth and continues to walk away from you, each step feeling like he's walking through tar the further he gets.

And deep down Ben is hoping that he did the right thing and makes a promise that he'll come back for you.

Present Day Ben POV

Why the fuck am I coming to this thing again?

Ben thought to himself standing outside the closed apartment door holding an expensive bottle of scotch. The same bottle of scotch that he was going to break open as soon as he crossed the threshold to get through this. He didn’t think that Hughie would appreciate it the way he would anyway.

Probably drinks those fucking fruity drinks with the umbrellas.

Ben didn’t understand why Hughie had invited him to this party or why Annie would let him invite Ben to it. Ben knew how much she hated him and the feeling was mutual.

Ben sighs as he stares at the door thinking about walking back to the elevator.

Invited was a strong word. Ben had overheard Hughie talking about it in the break room with MM and when Ben walked in, Hughie felt the need to fill the awkward silence by inviting Ben to the housewarming party.

Ben didn't know why anyone needed a housewarming party, but he chocked it up to another thing about the 21st century that he didn't quite understand.

He thought about all the people inside that he saw at work everyday, the ones that he tried to avoid all shoved in the apartment in front of him and groaned to himself.

Fuck, I should just go home.

Ben frowned at the thought of going back to his extravagant penthouse apartment downtown. The one that was two stories with a private balcony, six bedrooms, five bathrooms, a study, a media room, an exercise room, and overlooked Central Park with a view that would make anyone else salivate. His real estate agent had been surprised when Ben hadn't batted an eye at the price, but Ben didn't think about money the same way everyone else did.

He didn't have to, not with the money he'd earned over the years and not with the money his father, grandfather, and great grandfather in his accounts.

When he'd first bought the apartment he had been happy to get out from under Butcher's eye, who had a tendency to watch Ben like a hawk whenever he thought that Ben wasn't paying attention. But the apartment was large and cold, furnished with furniture that Ben had hired some twenty year old interior designer to buy, who charged him an outrageous amount of money to do absolutely nothing. She'd called it "minimalism," Ben called it "a fucking rip off."

Not one piece of furniture was comfortable to him and being there never felt like home. Then again, Ben didn't have a "home" to compare it to. His family mansion back in Philadelphia after his mother died had been cold and most of the rooms were closed off and the apartment he had in New York before he went to Russia was almost as big as his new one, but it never seemed like home. It always seemed like a way station, a place for Ben to entertain women for a short while before he went to a commercial shoot, a party, or on location for a film.

Even his cleaning lady and housekeeper would comment on the little things about his apartment that Ben tried to ignore. Honestly, Ben thought that she was fucking nosy, but she did her job well so he kept her on.

That and because he couldn't seem to remember her name no matter how many checks he wrote.

Ben didn’t like being in his apartment at all, but he knew that it wouldn't change if he moved. It wasn't where he lived that was the problem, it was that you weren't there with him.

It had been an entire year since he'd seen you and every day Ben walked the same path he had the day he met you for the first time hoping to run in to you. He didn’t have your name or your address or anything that he could have someone at work plug into a computer to find you. He'd tried to "google" you, but there was only so much he could do with the little information he had and he didn't understand how to find you other than the old fashioned way.

So he was back to sitting home alone every night trying his best not to notice how empty the apartment was, the one he bought that was more than big enough for two people. Sometimes he tried to stay out as long as he could to avoid going back to it, but each time he went through the front door it only emphasized how empty it was.

Ben couldn't remember the last time he felt this frustrated and it only made everything harder for him. And as much as he tried to relieve the tension it never seemed like it was enough. He needed you.

And after he spent twelve months trying his best and he was tired of feeling restless he tried to pick up a woman in a bar.

Every cell in his body screamed wrong at the top of its lungs when he spoke to her, using lines that he'd perfected since he was a teenager. Ben knew he was good at that, but he fumbled the ball each time he opened his mouth. He tried to shake off the ghost of you, but when he spoke to the woman leaning against the aged wooden bar with a martini in her hand and wearing a dress that left little to the imagination, he got a flash in the corner of his eye of someone coming in through the door and he'd thought it was you.

He hadn't been expected to feel so ashamed, guilty, and embarrassed at the thought of you catching him with someone else. He'd been sleeping with women longer than you'd been alive and he'd never felt that way, but now that he knew you existed and knew there was a possibility of you running in to him, it was all different.

Ben's outlook on soulmates being "ridiculous" had evaporated on the spot the moment he locked eyes with you. He couldn't pretend that he didn't care anymore and couldn't pretend that you didn't exist.

How could he when you were the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen? How could he when a piece of him was with you? How could he when you were always on his mind?

He'd never had a woman have a hold on him so completely in his entire life, but you did.

She fucking does and I only saw her once.

It only made him feel worse. He wondered if he'd made the right decision when he turned his back on you.

Sometimes he liked to think back to the moment of when he first saw you when everything was quiet and he was sitting up in his bed staring down at the mark on his wrist that shone a brilliant gold. His mind would slip into those few moments of bliss and he would wonder what would have happened f he just said "fuck it" and didn't go after Payback, if he'd stopped and asked for your name, and allowed you to let him forget everything that happened in the past forty years so he could start his life with you.

Unfortunately, those moments were usually followed by the same self-deprecating thoughts that Ben had, the chauvinistic ones that he'd carried with him over the years, and the ones that his father had impressed on him from the moment he could walk and Ben couldn't seem to shake.

He'd berate himself about how it was stupid and pussy-like to pine over a woman.

Because that's what he was doing, he was pining over you and he didn't like it.

He didn't want to think of you as much as he did, but he couldn't help it. Now that Ben knew you existed he didn't want to miss out on another moment of your life.

Of course, he couldn't find you and that was the problem. Sometimes he wondered if you were looking for him as hard as he was looking for you, if you walked the same way each hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

The dreams didn't make it any better. He'd never heard of someone living the memories of their soulmate when they slept, but every night he was subjected to watching your life and it only made him want to find you more.

He'd never knew that someone could feel so lonely surrounded by people, never knew that someone could feel so out of place, and never knew that someone could be as sad as you were, but each time he relieved a memory of yours at night Ben could feel his heart twinge.

Ben watched the lonely birthdays you spent with a cupcake and a beer for him, saw the jeers of the people in your hometown and the pitying looks from your parents, felt your shoulders shake when you cried alone in your room and stared at the birthdate on your wrist, and he felt you losing hope as each year passed.

Ben didn't usually allow himself to feel emotion like that, but watching you go through it all hurt him more than anything those Russian fucks did to him. He wasn't used to that and he wasn't used to thinking about other people as much as he thought about you.

But something about him felt different after meeting you.

Ben had asked Legend about soulmates, specifically the dreams, but Legend had muttered something unintelligible under his breath and took another snort of cocaine from the mirror on the coffee table instead of answering. Their relationship had been a little awkward after Ben slept with Legend's soulmate forty years ago, but Legend didn’t seem to be too upset about it… anymore. Mostly because Legend's soulmate tried to pull a Lorena Bobbitt one night and Legend caught her before any permanent damage was done.

She was in prison, and Ben didn't understand why Legend still went to see her for conjugal visits, but he figured that she was as much of a freak as his old handler.

Just rip the bandaid off you fucking pussy.

Ben thought staring at the clean white door in front of him.

Truthfully, Ben was tired. He'd been running himself harder for the last month, throwing himself into his work because he was starting to believe that he was never going to meet you again, and it seemed like work was the only thing that could distract him long enough. But he couldn't escape sleep.

When he'd come back from Russia, Ben had avoided sleeping the best way he could and he got through a few days before he collapsed. The first dream he'd had of you had come on suddenly, but clear as day.

You reading on your bed in your apartment smiling down at the pages as if it the book was telling you a secret.

Ben wasn't a reader, didn't see any merit in it if it wasn't a western or a war book. The most he could tolerate was Ernest Hemingway, but he could have sat there and watched you read forever. You looked so peaceful, content, and happy that Ben was afraid to interrupt you even though it was just a dream.

But whenever he thought about you dreaming his memories, something dark settled in the back of his mind, because what were you seeing? He'd done a few things he wasn't proud of and Ben didn't want you to think that he wasn't a hero or that he was a bad guy.

Ben sighs and raises his hand to knock hard against the door with his free hand, trying not to open the bottle preemptively before entering the apartment.

"Ben?" Hughie says it like a question when he opens the door, eyes wide with the same stupid look on his face that always grates on Ben.

Ben forces his signature tight lipped smile that he flashes around the office. "Hey there sport."

"Hey. Wow, you're here." Hughie clears his throat and looks over his shoulder as if he's nervous about something.

Ben raises an eyebrow. "I was invited."

"Well yes but-"

"But?"

"Um-"

"Spit it out dipstick."

Hughie clears his throat. "I didn't think you would come."

Fuck I should have stayed home. He doesn't want me here, neither does his fucking beard.

Ben frowns listening to where Annie groans under her breath further inside the apartment and talks low under her breath to someone that Ben can't see.

"Well surprise and congratulations or whatever." Ben rolls his eyes holding out the bottle of scotch. He was hesitant to lose sight of it, not when talking to Hughie for less than five minutes made him want to down the whole bottle.

"Oh wow this is really," Hughie's eyes widen as he takes in the label and realize how much money Ben spent on the bottle. "Expensive stuff, thanks Ben."

"It'll put some hair on your chest." Ben claps Hughie hard on the shoulder as he pushes past him into the foyer of the apartment.

The entire apartment could have fit in Ben's living room and kitchen. It was made in a similar fashion to his, sleek white walls, sterling silver appliances, large glass windows that let in the light-

Ben stops so suddenly inside the area that leads into the kitchen that Hughie plows into his back, but Ben doesn't feel it.

He can't move, can't breathe, because he's noticed the person talking to Annie is you. This was the last place that he'd expected you to be, but he doesn't care, because you're here and you're more beautiful than he remembers.

You're standing there pouring ice from a large bag into a pink acrylic bucket with an adorable amount of concentration for such a simple task wearing the same sweater you were the day he first saw you. You're also wearing a little more makeup and your hair is longer, and not pulled back into the messy bun as it was that day, but you’re still you and you’re here.

His fingers twitch with the urge to run his hands through the tangled tresses, to feel if they're as soft as he imagined for so long.

Ben's body swells with emotion, goosebumps flicker over his skin, and all other sounds in the room vanish, because seeing you was like watching the sun rise and feeling the world hold it's breath as it basks in the early morning rays.

And Ben wanted to bask in everything you were, every day for the rest of his life. Now that he found you again he wasn't going to let you out of his sight.

Your soul sings to him as he nears you, the cells in his body vibrating so fast that he can feel every single one begging him to touch you.

You turn into him by accident, sending the bag of ice tumbling to the floor, but feeling your body against his sends him into overdrive and he can't hold back anymore. He reaches out to grab your shoulder as gently as he can without hurting you.

Hurting you was the last thing he wanted to do. And because you weren’t a supe he knew how fragile you were.

You gasp under your breath at the contact from his hand, but to Ben it sounds thunderous in his ears. Ben trails his hand across your shoulder, up your neck, to cup your chin and raise your face to look at him. He feels like his whole body is igniting as he makes contact with your skin.

He can feel an odd vibration in his chest as he does so, energy crackling and pulsing around the two of you, but the rest of the room falls silent. He can’t look away from you, not when seeing you again is like staring too long at the sun and he's left with the imprint of your light and beauty on the inside of his eyelids.

Ben can't focus on anything else, doesn’t hear the awkward chatter, doesn't feel the discomfort he had upon his arrival, doesn't notice the way everyone has turned to stare at the two of you, and doesn't feel the air conditioning turn on and blow cool air against his warm freckled skin.

All he knows is you.

Your eyes are wide and he suspects his are as well, pupils blown but still beautiful and hypnotic as they were one year ago. Ben feels a smile pulling at his lips and he lets it go, because standing in front of you, feeling like this, it’s impossible to do much else.

Your skin is warm to the touch beneath the roughness of his fingertips and he touches you with a reverence that he has never graced anyone else with, because you were his. Every part of you was made for him just as every part of him was made for you.

The your soul was calling out to him, weaving a golden cord of energy in his mind that snagged in the center of his chest and made him feel whole for the first time in life.

You reach out to touch him, the soft palm of your hand falling just over his heart and it makes something inside him break open to flood the space between the two of you.

Hope stirs in his chest with your gentle touch and your unblinking gaze, warmth trailing from where your hand lays against his shirt. His eyes drop to the wrist to see his birthdate, a glowing ember against your skin where the sleeve of your sweater has fallen down an inch.

Your eyes lock with his once more, full lips slightly parted, and breathless.

"I've been looking everywhere for you sweetheart." Ben murmurs, trailing his thumb across your cheek with a gentleness that he's never possessed.

Ben was not a gentle man, but for you he would try. He would be anything you wished him to be, for as long as he lived, because now that he found you, he was never going to let you go.

And he welcomed the challenge of anyone who tried to stand in his way.

As always thank you so much for reading! Reblogs, comments, and likes are not required, but are always welcome and appreciated! I really love hearing what y'all think. ❤️ If you'd liked to be added to the taglist for this series please let me know :)

Taglist:

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