#and you copied those asks w/ other mods

[askthe-littlepoet]

oh boy i sure do wonder what will appear in my inbox shortly after i get h-

anon can you not.

[diy-fire-water-pups]

Bit of a strange thing to mention but I once read a fanfic about Zuma having a dark past that catches up to him in the future ("future" as in probably a few months after Chase faced his fear w/ the dentist) so it's always a little strange to see how different his life actually was before the Paw Patrol lol. I am thankful that the fanfic isn't anywhere close to the reality, though. I won't say the title cuz it's way too violent for you pups but I have a feeling you guys will ask about it. All I'll say is that it's a tragic story that changes the Paw Patrol's lives for the foreseeable future. The fic isn't finished yet so idk if it'll be a happy ending or not. I am curious to know if the mod knows what fic I'm talking about though...

(( Well, I actually have no idea. The only "ongoing" Paw Patrol fanfic I've read is "The Paw Patrol Family" and it's nothing like that.

The fanfics I've read that go about Zuma having a tragic past were "The Water Pup" and "Fractured", both finished and sequel to each other (and both PRETTY HEAVY on the violence part of the thing, absolutely not for the weak XD). The only other fic I read before too was something about the pups finding one of those "I'll tell you the darkest truths about them!!!" kinda videos on the internet which was talking about them with a bunch of bad stuff, and their reactions to it. That one had a decent ending tho, not really happy (I mean, no one can be happy after you get exposed on things you really didn't need the world to know) but not bad either. Also I read this one when I had just started watching the show, I think I was somewhere around the 3rd season when I did, and that's how I found out about Zuma's speech impediment on the first seasons - because I saw it being talked about in a fanfic. They didn't do that speech impediment thing in the Brazilian dub, I'd never know otherwise.

To be fair, I kinda haven't read fanfics at all because I wanted to create my own take on their stories and I didn't want to end up getting influenced by other AUs or getting accused I copied from someone else (to the point my Zuma doesn't have a tragic backstory at all, it was just a difficult life, but still fun and well loved by his previous owner). Been there, was accused before in other fandoms, it's annoying trying to prove you didn't copy from someone else. ))

[astarionposting]

hello, i saw you answer an ask about how you sometimes resculpt your tav into astarion for photos or vise versa, but im having trouble replacing the overall male elf texture w astarion's to do this and i was wondering exactly what files you had to replace? ive replaced stuff before w other mods but i dont have his original textures and only mod edits- some of which have a varying number of textures (sometimes just normal map, sometimes clea, hmvy and msk) and the renaming of them hasnt worked for me as far as i can see (i have only nm, clea, and hmvy files). so i wanted to check and was wondering how many files there should be and/or if you had a way you had ripped them?

Hello!

Sorry it took me a few days to get to this! I was also having issues getting it to work on the elf body, but it was working fine for me on the half-elf body, so maybe test that before messing with your files again.

I didn’t explain it very well in my post where I answered that previously. So, basically what I do is open 3 things on my screen at once: 1. In Generated>public>shared>assets>characters>models>ELVES>ELF_M_NKD>ELF_M_ASTARION>RESOURCES

2. Same path, but you’ll just go straight to the “resources” folder rather than going into Astarion’s.

3. A new folder where you can drag Astarion’s textures and rename them.

In the ELF_M_NKD folder, you’ll see 3 files that end with CLEA, HMVY and NM. You are going to take the same Astarion files that end with those and rename them accordingly. For example, HUM_M_NKD_Body_Astarion_HMVY now should be renamed (in the new folder where you copied these so you don’t mess with his files in the game directory) to ELF_M_NKD_Body_A_HMVY.

With patch 5, it seems like a lot of textures were changed because I’m still even having issues with unique tav mod. If you do this, and it still isn’t working with elves, try the half elf because it will still have Astarion’s head available and it works with his body textures for me. If you use unique tav, you will have to do the same thing in the “unique tav” folders, but just rename the files the same as whatever they have in there (probably starts with UNIQUE instead of ‘ELF’)

I hope this helps or maybe you figured it out in the time I took to respond hehe

OH ALSO I ripped them from this mod (but he will have no abs)

[best-kirby-character-tournament]

If it's okay, I have a few questions about how exactly the copy ability tournament would work!

Would it be copy abilities only? Or would transformations like mouthful mode and the metamortex transformations be allowed? Would the super abilities, ravel abilities, and power combos count? Are the robobot abilities allowed and would the evolved abilities be considered separate from the originals?

No worries if you can't answer all the questions! /gen

These are great questions! ^-^ /gen

Mod will go over each question in the order you asked, short versions first, and place the long version of each answer under the cut!

Short Answers:

'Would it be copy abilities only?' No, since there are over 64 Copy Abilities in total!

'would transformations like mouthful mode and the metamortex transformations be allowed?' Transformations are something mod didn't think about, so there will probably be a poll about that later, hehe >w<

'Would the super abilities, ravel abilities, and power combos count?' Super Abilities and Ravel Abilities? Still deciding on that. Power Combos? Yes, those will be allowed!

'Are the robobot abilities allowed and would the evolved abilities be considered separate from the originals?' Robobot Abilities are still being decided on, but Evolved Abilities will be considered separate. They could be put against other versions of the Ability during the first (few) Round(s). :3

Long Answers:

'Would it be copy abilities only?' Mod originally planned on it being an Only Copy Ability thing, but there are around 68 Copy Abilities total, which is about 4 over the even 64 tournament bracket number. Mod thought about how some Copy Abilities are similar to other Copy Abilities and thought about only using the 'modern' version of the similar Abilities, but that wouldn't be fair, and it would get rid of a lot more Abilities than needed >w<

'would transformations like mouthful mode and the metamortex transformations be allowed?' Mod is still coming up with rules for Transformations as a whole, since they don't function the same way Copy Abilities do, especially since mod wasn't really thinking about them when they had the Copy Ability Tournament in mind. If mod isn't able to decide on whether or not Transformations should be allowed, they'll make a poll and have everyone decide for them :3

'Would the super abilities, ravel abilities, and power combos count?' The Super Abilities and Ravel Abilities are something mod has been debating on, so mod will probably also be making a poll on whether they should be allowed, but mod is definitely going to allow Power Combos into the tournament! They don't function that differently from normal Copy Abilities, so mod thinks it should be fine :3

'Are the robobot abilities allowed and would the evolved abilities be considered separate from the originals?' The Robobot Abilities are something mod still has to decide on since they kinda function like Transformations/Super Abilities (if that makes sense), but mod is allowing Evolved Abilities to be separate from the original Abilities! If push comes to shove, mod can always just pit the Evolved Abilities against the other versions (like pitting Pencil Drill against Twin Drill, or Toy Hammer against Wild Hammer) in the first (few) Round(s) :3

Hopefully these make sense! Mod just woke up so if anything needs more clarification, feel free to ask! ^-^

[episims]

hello there! im the person who was asking abt turn ons/off replacements a little while back. i stopped sending asks bc i was away from my computer for a while and wouldn't be able to work on the mod, but im back now and i know which turns ons i wanna replace! if you're still willing to help me out i'd be very grateful!

using Lazy Duchess' mod as a base, i wanna replace a few turn ons from his mod with turn ons from Midge's mod. so it'd be: Grey Hair -> Pet Lover, Underwear and Swimwear -> Stylish, Formalwear -> Uneducated, Glasses -> Accessory, Makeup -> Influential, Cologne -> Life Skills

if you could help me out w this i'd appreciate it a lot, i know nothing abt modding ^^'

Hello! Sorry that it's taken me million years to answer.

I'll explain you Underwear and Swimwear -> Stylish. After you get it to work, you can then ask for some other. Ideally though, after getting some experience about making functional code, it'll get easier for you to figure out them by yourself, too.

Since you don't have experience about modding, it'd probably make the start a bit easier if you take time to follow through this tutorial first. It's not directly related, but aims to make editing BHAVs less alienating. Echo is a great writer and good at explaining things.

I've also written down some very basic UI know-how in the past.

And I recommend using batbox's info section for checking if your edit works as intended, as it shows currently triggered TOs.

So this is the 'underwear and swimwear' code from LD's mod:

Only three lines (0x26-0x28). By clicking each line you can read from the right what it does.

The first line checks if the sim currently wears swimsuit

The second line checks if the sims currently wears underwear

If the answer to either of these is 'yes' (look at the green lines), the TO gets triggered - that's what the third line does.

This is the 'stylish' code from Midge's mod:

So six lines (0x8-0xD), still not that much.

The first line checks if the sim currently wears swimsuit

The second line checks if the sim currently wears formal

The third line checks if the sim currently wears underwear

The fourth line doesn't check anything but fetches the info about the sim's cosmetology badge that's needed for the next line

The fifth line checks if the sim's cosmetology badge level is silver or above

And again, the final line is what triggers the TO if the answer to any of the above checks is 'yes'.

So what you want to do is add the formal and the badge check to LD's mod (since it already has checks for the swimwear and underwear).

If you looked at the tutorials I linked earlier in this post, you might already know how. But to give a short version:

Click either of the related checks in LD's mod and hit ins/true to add a new line

Change the new line's opcode to be the same as the line you want to copy from the other mod has (if it's not the same already)

Check that the new line's true and false targets point to where they should point (look at those green and red arrows and try to understand the logic behind them)

Use the box that opens from the button with a quotation mark icon to copy+paste what the line does from the other mod to the one you're editing

Hit commit

That's it. If you get stuck at some specific point, feel free to ask :)

[lamare-sims]

Hi! Same person who asked about the "simultaneous lovers" (aka crepe Suzette issue) memories. Wanted to ask if you might know why the woohoo teens mod conflicts with your 50 LTWs vacation mementos package? Thanks so much 🙏🏼

Hi! They both override "Soc&Rel: Adjust STR From A->B w/ nIDs" bhav.

I'll copy-paste my answer from modthesims, if you don't mind.

WooHooTeens -vs- VacationMementos

If it loads after my VacationsMementos, the lifetime want may not get fulfilled, as it won't count the friendship with Bigfoot, although it will count if you move the Bigfoot in. If it's the other way around and VacationsMementos loads after WooHooTeens, teens won't receive crush flags toward adults and vice versa (those little hearts on the relationship panel). It will probably mean that interactions that require sims to be in love won't be available to them. Just to be clear, it concerns teen-adult relationships.

[nercocrafter]

wᒷꖎᓵ𝙹ᒲᒷ, ⎓ᒷꖎꖎ𝙹∴ ᓵ∷ᔑ⎓ℸ ̣ᒷ∷ᓭ [Welcome, fellow crafters]

◇ Intro ◇

Necro/NC ▪︎ writer/artist ▪︎ 20+ ▪︎ she/they

This blog is primarily MINECRAFT. Specifically, when I wish to write for my own MC lore as well as interact/write for Aphmau's series (MCD + Rebirth & VP).

⚠️ Warnings ⚠️

◇{|Minors, spam, and ageless blogs, please be aware that you will either be blocked, so please don't interact or follow me. This blog is +18.|}◇

◇{|My content is for mature audiences. I will write darker and heavier content as well as smut and violence. I can and WILL go full game of thrones of dark writing.|}◇

Fandom ☆

That being said, for Aphverse fics, I will primarily be focusing on either rewrites or expanding on series because I've been mentally ill over these series for too long not to get a proper ending.

•○°____|¡ °○° ¡| ____°○•

I'm currently in the process of doing an MCD rewrite. Because let's be honest, we are ALL disappointed and heartbroken with the way it went. And I can't stand not having closure for such a treasured part of my childhood. I like the concepts that were brought out in Rebirth, but I MISS the mods and the chaos that came from them. So this rewrite is gonna be a very interesting conglomeration of present-day Minecraft , MCD season 1 w/mods, and Rebirth. I'm gonna be highlighting lore and WORLDBUILDING. Going in depth about the regions, the Divine Warriors, the other races that populate the world, the relics, magics, and etc. As for romance, the end game ship is going to be Garrancemau ( Garroth X Laurence X Aphmau). Cause we all know how unfair it was for those 3 not to end up together [they all got two hands to hold each other's, and I'm gonna make them all kiss]. I am NOT an Aarmau fan or shipper in the slightest, so PLEASE don't ask about them being a couple in any post I make. They will NOT be getting together, but I will make sure their dynamic is interesting. As well as focusing on the other characters and making sure they get the appropriate love they deserve as well. Because MCD Phoenix Drop is about COMMUNITY and FAMILY, and just how far you're willing to go for them. Also, I'm exploring and expanding everyone's relationships/friendships with each other. Cause some of the dynamics we didn't get enough of or didn't see are so SCRUMPTIOUS (*ahem* Lucinda and Laurence *ahem* *ahem* Zoey, Aphmau, Levin and Malachi and the rest of the village *ahem*)

Quick get to know

Favorite ships?

MC in general: Herosteve (Herobrine X Steve)

MCD: Garmau (MAIN SHIP; Garroth X Aphmau), Laurmau (Laurence X Aphmau), Garrancemau (Garroth X Laurence X Aphmau)

Any specific content warnings?

I will write for violence, gore, MC death, dark topics, smut, and just adult content in general.

Favorite color?

Shades of purple, navy, and amber

Favorite flower?

IRL: Morning Glory

MC: Cornflower

How long have you been in the fandom?

MC?: 2013-2015???

Aphmau?: Around about S1 episode 60 is where I joined in and stayed till season 3.

Favorite MC mob?

Phantoms, bees, and wolves.

Favorite MC block?

Crying obsidian, gilded blackstone, and dark oak wood

Works [nothing yet]

◇ Aphverse

◇ My lore

◇ Minecraft Headcanons

Do NOT repost, steal, translate, or copy my work!

It would be highly appreciated if you could like, comment, and reblog my works. Support fellow writers and content blogs!

Dividers are made by me using picsart

[mercuriale]

Reclaiming hardware Pt. 1: Wii U

Been a while since i last sat down and wrote out a post.

In the last 12 or so months I have been installing custom firmware on some older gaming devices i own but have fallen out of use. I had experimented with CFW on my WIi U maybe about 2 years ago with Tiramisu. A year later i scored a second-hand Vita, and just this last week I've been giving the CFW treatment to my 3DS, as well as updating my Wii U to the Aroma environment, and reviving an old R4 DS flashcart.

I have a few core beliefs with this kind of practice.

If you own a piece of hardware you can do what you want with it.

If a game is not made available to purchase legally or easily, at a reasonable price, it is ethically fine to pirate it.

Nintendo in particular can absolutely take the hit. After all, they're barely being kept afloat by one guy they cruelly saddled with millions in damages.

This post is a brief recount of my experiences modding, and i hope that by describing the problems and solutions i found along the way, I can help others.

Here are my experiences so far, per hardware.

Pt. 1: Wii U

I have a mega soft spot for the Wii U. It walked so the Switch could run, and being able to play full console game on the gamepad while someone else can watch TV in the same room is a really great aspect. The library is also absolutely killer; Bayonetta 2, Super Mario 3D World, Wonderful 101, Xenoblade Chronicles X, on top of the entire Wii library make this a fantastic box to mod. Compared to the effort needed to put in, you can end up with a console that can play the entire Wii U, Wii, and Gamecube libraries, plus Retroarch and other emulators for most older consoles.

I originally had Tiramisu installed but have upgraded to Aroma. I followed the wiiu.hacks.guide guide but sometimes these guides tend to gloss over details in the process that i would say are important.

What the guide doesn't explain, conceptually, is the concept of an environment, and the difference between Tiramisu (old) and Aroma (new, beta). I'll try to do so in layman's terms here.

Tiramisu is the previous established CFW Environment, and all side-loaded homebrew apps need to be launched through the Homebrew Launcher, which gets launched in-place of the Mii Maker app, and installed by other homebrew apps like WUPInstaller.

Aroma is a new Environment, and it enables apps to be added to the native Wii U Menu rather than having to use the HB Launcher. It also simplifies sideloading apps by establishing a new filetype, the .wuhb file. These can be copied to the sd:\wiiu\apps folder on the SD card, rather than using an installer app.

Upgrading from Tiramisu to Aroma is actually very simple. If you already had Tiramisu, all that you need to do is download the Aroma files from the official site and unzip them to the root of the SD card, merging them together into one sd:\wiiu folder. Then perform the exploit as described in the guide. You only need the .zip files in the Base and Aroma headings on the page, the additional plugins and modules are optional and you can come back to those later.

When performing the browser exploit, you have to hold the B button. Yes, keep holding. it takes approximately 1 minute, and you'll be on a white screen if all is going correctly. keep holding until the screen changes to white text on black, and asks you to choose your payload. run nanddumper and do your due diligence.

When you run the browser exploit the second time you have to hold X instead of B this time, and it will start the environment loader. Pick Aroma. At this point you can press Y and it will highlight it yellow, making it your preferred. A bright yellow warning will get thrown up on the screen regarding blocking updates. It looks scary but if you read it carefully, youll see that you can block system updates by pressing X. Press it.

the step regarding the PayloadLoader app can be skipped in my instance, as i had already set it up to run on boot automatically.

If you want to change environments with the above config (i.e. to tiramisu instead to run Retroarch), you need to hold X on boot. I wish this could be displayed briefly on boot, like with a PC to access the BIOS. This is very easy to forget when you have over 12 months between boots! I should also add that by "boot" i mean when the Wii U Menu is loading. if you start the console with the GamePad and have quick start enabled, you need to hold X right after you choose Wii U Menu in the bottom right corner.

Another handy file to have is sigpatches in the wiiu\environments\aroma\modules\setup folder.

There exists an app to download games directly. I already have a good physical Wii U Catalog, but you can install NUSspli to download games directly. Officially my advice is to only download games you already own. However, Wii U games are difficult to find for obvious reasons, especially niche cult games that aren't the usual Wii fodder for kids like Bayonetta 2 or Xenoblade Chronicles X. If you want to buy physical in any condition you'll pay an arm and a leg, if you can find anything decent at all. At time of writing neither of the above games are available on any other platform. By cross-referencing these facts with my beliefs mentioned above, you may be able to draw a conclusion for yourself. Forewarning, downloads are a bit on the slow side, and you have to have the app open the entire time. luckily for you, you can just switch over to your tv and watch something like i did, while keeping an eye on your gamepad.

Don't run the Health and Safety Information app once you've booted up your Wii U. if you've configured your PayloadLoader to automatically start on boot, its done. If you run it again, you'll be told off for running the EnvironmentLoader twice, and you'll need to hard power off your console and gamepad, which i've had to do more times than i'm wliling to admit.

I'll end this guide by confessing: I spent a lot of money in this era on this console. I don't regret it; I was living comfortably and could afford to at the time. It was fun to completely tune out what was happening for other consoles, and live in relative bliss with PC ports and the quality output for the Nintendo range at the time. It was fun to be hopeful and optimistic for the Wii U when so many others had already written it off completely.

Looking back now, the games lineup now that all is said and done is really quite fantastic; there looms an unfortunate shadow over it all though; many of the Wii U's best games have been rereleased for the Switch, having been expanded and improved even further, most notably Smash and Mario Kart 8, but the wii U versions are still great. It has the only Tekken game to appear on an Nintendo console. Bayonetta 2 and XCX are still wholly exclusive. Theres lots to like here. My hope and optimism were, to me, repaid in kind.

Thats about all I have so far for this thing. I plan to wade into the murky waters of gamecube games in the future, so i may yet write about my trials in that area. In the meantime, I'm having plenty of fun playing WarioLand 4 on a deliciously large screen.

[summoning-potema]

sh80 au sims pics babeyyy too many pictures under the cut

this AU is basically just. they meet in zuzu city and don't have jobs and somehow can survive because they're god's favorite. Addie does grow her weed tho, and they had chickens until i had to delete them for space. i'm trying to get shane to sell woodworks on plopsy but so far no customers lol. nolan and jinx are their neighbors and wake them up every other night so I need to move them but don't feel like redecorating again ;_;

delinger finally got eye shinies! it took a lot of retries but finally figured out how to convert that meshed eyeball B) i should share on the original post the creator of that mod made but the copy I have also replaced the original textures, so I have to dl the original and work from there, and I'm lazy. If you use the mesh catchlights too and are reading this :p message me I'm happy to do that

anyways deli is supposed to be attached to his dad's hip at all times. he's a huge crybaby and a little softie his whole life. sim deli is that and also was a sloppy eater, and eats anything, and is gassy which is so funny to me LOL literally mini shane

addie bribes w food :) got that from dad too

they had a bday party for him at a bowling alley/night club and it was awfullll i had a bug where no npcs spawned to man the bar so everyone stood around slowly getting hungry and bored. but they did have one cute moment where nolan played the piano to help deli take a nap :'')

aged up to be a frat boy (i did just paste his old look on top of him)

emily/sandy interluuuuude :) i gave them a little refresh along with haley!

so at this point addie was pregnant w/ bio baby 2 and that's when they get married so, shotgun wedding time

partayyyy

nolan was addie's best man (emily was shane's lol) and this poor guy gets bothered wherever he goes. i had to kick out 3 wedding crashers because he was here. here he is with jas and ami :p

'help'

ami has 2 roomates that are two other ocs, bea (addie's trad goth tattoo artist friend i've shared before) and teagan who was originally rockabilly eyecandy with a skeleton face tattoo but now she's just. stunning. with no theme except being really hot. i'm obsessed with her. but i wanted to give her rick genest's tats and i can't find those in sims 4 :(

back to reality. here's some times that shane and addie had to fight with nolan and jinx to shut the fuck up cuz they're the world's worst neighbors. i have at least 3 other times where they did this ._.

some shane and baby deli. father of the year here gives his kids chips for dinner. also play arsonist's lullaby with that other pic of deli to get the full effect

then they had baby poppy (another baby named after a metal musician >:) ) and you've seen her as a scary newborn the other day. here she is as an infant :'))))) SHE IS SO CUTE. and so far she is fitting her personality, she's supposed to be a little spitfire and out to take on the world. she's only rolled "spit happy" so far so she just throws up all the time but we'll see if she gets more quirks that happen to fit her personality :p

(that's marnie :') )

and finally, deli and poppy aged up on the same day so here he is as a kid. jas kept picking on him!! on his birthday!!1!!!1

bonus pics for today: nolan asking the right questions

nolan: love polyamory it's the shit. what do you think? addie: i'm open to it! if the right person fit! nolan: *looks pointedly at shane* :D

[throwaninkpot]

Notes from the Return of the Thief launch party Q&A with MWT!

• (I meant to keep a Not Telling tally but I got distracted by all the good words Megan put together.)

EDIT: A VOD of the stream has been posted here!

• It took 20 minutes into the event to get the first Not Telling, and everyone was astonished it wasn't sooner.

• She referenced the Not Telling shirt made for her by @queensandkingsofattolia ! She wasn't wearing it, but she did have her Not Telling socks, which she would put on her hands and hold up to the camera.

• She talked about how she doesn't like suspense as a reader. She always wants the stories to get to the point instead of dragging on, so in writing, she puts light scenes in to break up the suspense. She doesn't always know what those scenes will be, she just has a feel for what's needed there. One example is when Sophos and the magus are traveling to Attolia in aCoK, when they eat the chicken. "We eat the chicken now!" was a scene that made her happy while she wrote it.

• She was asked to explain the gods and how the different pantheons work with each other, and said she never wants to explain the gods. She doesn't want them to be cut-and-dry or understandable.

• Asked about writing such complex, ruthless characters and making them likeable.

Alex (mod): Do you think [the POV characters] good? Megan: *silently presents Not Telling socks*

• Said that if you're going to spend so much time in a characters head, there has to be some part of them that you and the readers will like. And there are some people whose heads she didn't want to be in. Even the ruthless ones making terrible decisions, she does like. "Nahuseresh? Not so much."

Alex: *says something about how they've never encountered books with more poker face than QT* Megan: *big ol' grin*

• Talking about how these books have so many layers and so much suspense, Megan said a lot of that is owing to the fact it's a series and she needed to be consistent, she couldn't switch the style of it or tone halfway through. When she writes the next thing, it might be a whole different kind of book. She'll have to see whether that was just sonething distinctive to QT, or that's what she naturally gravitates towards writing.

• She mentioned that she isn't fond of 1st person narrative, and the chat collective raised a single eyebrows at the irony.

• In fact, TaT was written in 3rd person at first. But she realized that wasn't working so she scrapped that and rewrote the whole thing, bc it needed to be Kamet who was telling us the story.

• She pronounced Kamet as "Kam-et".

• When talking about the details in her books and how they go into logistics, she brought a book onto camera called Alexander the Great and the Logistics of the Macedonian Army by Donald W. Engles. It heavily influenced the way she wrote about war and the politics thereof in QT.

• The Thief was partly inspire by a conversation she had with a young relative back during the Bush administration when Kuwait was invaded. The young relative didn't understand what the U.S. was doing in the middle east when we had so many problems to focus in our own country, and Megan explained that we weren't involved in that conflict out of the goodness of our hearts, but bc they had resources we wanted. (The way she phrased it, you could hear the magus talking to the boys in The Thief, and it gave me shivers.) And she realized, kids don't see that side of war in stories. Armies are always fighting Sauron and the forces of evil, and acting out if their own self-interests against people who might not be all bad.

• And thus, The Queen's Thief spiraled jnto existence.

• Why does she choose to write about disability and illness the way she does? Rosemary Sutcliff. Sutcliff was disabled for most of her life, and this reflected in the stories she told. Megan recalls Warrior Scarlet as the first book that challenged her as a kid to think about disability and illness as a natural part of life, and to question who gets to be at the center of the story. Who gets to be the hero? Who gets to be the hero of an adventure story? Why shouldn't characters dealing with illness or disability be those heros?

• TaT was a direct response to Sutcliff's novel Eagle of the Ninth, where an earnest young Roman soldier has these great plans for his life that get toppled when he is injured in his first battle and can no longer serve.

Megan: Costis checks every box for earnest young guy!

• In Eagle, there is a slave who travels with the protagonist and is freed by him at the end as part of the protagonist's journey. It was important to tell TaT from Kamet's point of view so that it was about him. "He is never an object of a quest, always a person."

• Megan has never read The Aeneid.

• She recommends Lavinia by Ursula K. Le Guin, which tells The Aeneid from a different POV.

• On writing process: She doesn't outline. When she has a book idea, she first tells it as a story by cornering her husband and telling him the whole thing with plenty of hand gestures. After that, she does a "sketch". She writes down the shape of the story, plotlines and characters, which is usually half the length of the finished book. Then she fleshes it out, and cuts and adds and cuts snd adds until she has pretty much a whole book, and then she edits again to cut everything that doesn't absolutely need to be there.

• She says it's important to remember you can't fix everything in one draft. You just need to focus on 20 or so things at a time, and then on the next pass you can focus on 20 other things.

• On keeping characters straight: "It's very crowded in my head." She doesn't focus so much on remembering exactly what she has written about a character before, but knowing who the character is so that she knows how they would react in whatever new situation she is writing them in.

Megan: Okay, Costis. I know this guy, I know what he's going to do. He's going to punch that guy in the face and it will be very embarrassing.

• A lot of people asked about the vampires referenced in The Thief and if they were real. She's not telling.

• Someone *cough*me*cough* Asked if she was planning a spin-off series about Eddisian vampires falling in love. "Never say never, but it's probably unlikely."

Alex: What happened to Ornon's sheep? Megan: Guys....guys......I have to put on another sock, come on, guys! *digs for her Not Telling socks and holds them up*

• On worldbuilding: You have to break with reality. It's great to research the process of how to retin pans! Adding details like that can enrich your story, but you can also add things that wouldn't have been possible in the real world. Like, pocket watches and window glass and printing presses all at the same time. The made up details also make your story richer.

Megan: Cut the research and tell a good story!

• On myths: She never writes the myths first. When she was writing The Thief, she would make a new line and type "[Myth Here]" and then go on with the rest of the story and cone back to that later.

• She recommends Ancient Near East Texts by James B. Pritchard for some good myths!

• What she likes best about DWJ: The Audacity(tm). DWJ would write about the most bizarre things very casually.

Megan: Her stories had a "hold my beer" quality.

• She told the story about hiw DWJ got her published (Alex: "She had good taste") and trying to send DWJ the advanced copy of aCoK before she died, but those stories have been retold elsewhere before so I won't bother with them now.

• Megan wore lovely, lovely earrings! And at the beseechment of the chat, she showed them to the camera and told us they were made by @freenarnian

• Finally, the winner of the trivia party was granted the honor of asking a question on camera, and Megan benevolently said she would not cry Not Telling on whatever was asked.

• Margaux, the winner, asked what the age difference was between Dite and Irene, and if they had grown up together.

• After a REAL long pause, Megan said that she didn't think they had grown up together. Irene is younger than Dite, and she was too busy, and I quote, "killing people." Her childhood ended early and she didn't have time to be a kid. Besides that, they wouldn't have been allowed to hang out in Attolian society, bc she was a girl and he was a boy. They were probably introduced to each other atvevents, but that was it.

• Also: Dite is pronounced "Die-tee".

• She has more events like this planned in the future!!!!! Keep an eye on her tumblr!!!!!

• EDIT: @whataliethatwas made a transcript of the event!

[fictionkinfessions]

Some people have been slandering me on other blog(s?) very recently. I would like to explain my side of the situation regarding this. [Thank you to anonymous person who DMed me about this.]

edited 12/2: I mistakenly assumed the 'second server admin' was someone involved with creating or moderating the server. I apologize for making assumptions, and have corrected 'second server admin' to 'second person on behalf of the server' also abbreviated as ‘second person’.

The original server admin was not involved in the slander or misleading ask messages to other blog(s?). I apologize for stating they were. They were not involved with such messages or posts.

I also forgot the first server admin did respond after my refusal. I did purposefully ended the conversation early in order to avoid engaging in system discourse as a singlet. I realize now that I should have been more communicative and clearer on my part. I am sorry I was not, and will take care to do so in the future.

I also want to clarify w/r/t to taking a neutral stance isn’t the best answer to system discourse, and it is taking a side on the conversation whether I intend to as a singlet or not. My intention is to minimize harm caused on my part as a singlet navigating through intracommunity discussions.

Lastly, the concern of lesbophobia has no relation to this server or server admin. I am largely unaware of the origins of these accusations and apologize for mistakenly assigning them to the server admin and server. I’m aware lesbians can be lesbophobic. For the sake of post length and relevance, I omitted this.

note: I'm using they / them because there’s two people involved, and I don't know their respective pronouns. This is not purposeful misgendering. There is a summary on the bottom, but I appreciate anyone who reads this.

This is what happened.

Yesterday, 11/30. someone asked for a server promo for an interest check they sent in. On their server promo post they stated 'no endo systems, no tulpas'.

This blog doesn't promo blogs or servers that prohibit any type of system from joining or interacting with the person's blog or server.

note: this is long and is below the read more. 

I informed the person about this rule. They said nothing in response. [correction: they did respond. I purposefully ended the conversation abruptly to avoid engaging in system discourse as a singlet.]

A second person on behalf of the server, came into this blog's DMs requesting a promo, saying they changed their mind about restricting endogenic systems and tulpas from joining them.

I declined to promo their blog again, having private concerns that they were being dishonest about their intentions. This is because their message came within 30 minutes of my response to the original server admin.

If they really hadn't changed their minds, then I would be sending people into a harmful situation. [My response to the second person was, as quoted here, "No, thank you! Good luck with your server!"]

The person immediately became upset and stated that as a singlet I was gatekeeping their server by refusing to engage with them in any form. I explained this rule was a public guideline on this blog's page, it's not a secret requirement, and that I cannot engage in encouraging system discourse since it's not my community.

I am a singlet. People have in the past been rightfully vocal about not giving a platform on this blog to anyone gatekeeping specific types of systems. I understand and respect that this is an intracommunity discussion, and I will not disseminate such content as it's not my place to.

I responded to their message point by point, expounding on what I meant with the promo rules and so forth. I ended my message trying to disengage with the person in a positive manner and go to bed.

This person responded, claiming I was making jokes about needing to be paid to joke about systemcourse.  I have a copy of our entire conversation and can verify I never said anything like that.

My last reply to that was to state I was disengaging in case it wasn't clear from the prior message, because communication is tricky over the internet.

I felt it was clear from the conversation that I could offer no further help for them. I felt there was nothing left to explain, that they would continue to put words in my mouth, and they only wanted to berate me. I had no further contact with them as I went to bed.

As for the dishonesty and rumors those two have tried to spread about me:

I have not invalidated any type of system in private dms or publicly anywhere. I have never said a type of system was the only correct one, or more legitimate than others. I have never tried to inform anyone about systems as if I knew more than them. [correction: I have and I will apologize for it summarily in another post.]

I have not told anyone to not make servers or promo posts for their servers.

Not promoting a server isn't lesbophobia.

I have never said anything lesbophobic or discussed anything about lgbt identities to anyone regarding system discourse, their system, or anything like that.

I'm a transmisogyny exempt nonbinary lesbian. I have never been purposefully lesbophobic to anyone publicly or privately. I don't even make or reblog ironic homophobia jokes. I might live in the closet for the rest of my life aside from being freely lesbian in online spaces. I'm excruciatingly aware how terrible lesbophobia is and would never wish it on anyone.

The blog rule of not promoting servers who exclude types of systems is for all systems. Endo-, trauma-, quoi-, and so on. Tbh this goes for soulbonds as well because hey, there's an overlap of them and the system community.

My refraining from participating in intracommunity discussions is not ableism. My refusal to reblog promos for anything at all, for any reason is not oppression or ableism. [correction: it’s not a perfect resolution on my part to attempt neutrality. My aim is to prevent excessive harm or distress on a blog meant for the alterhuman community. Me remaining silent on system discourse is taking a side or stance,whether I intend to or not.]

I'm aware this blog has a large audience and I'd rather be careful about what I show to 5,000 people. The purpose of promos is to share that which would help the alterhuman community at large. To promote anything that divides sections of the overlapping communities would go against that. I can’t see how this is unreasonable.

I know this blog posts some sketchy and out there confessions. That is generally the purpose of a confession blog. [Within reason, ofc. No death threats, etc] I feel that vent / heavy themed posts limited to a single blockable blog is not the same as promoting servers where 'Us vs Them' mentalities are grown and encouraged.

If you disagree with me trying to maintain a neutral stance regarding system discourse, ok. I'm not here to change minds or take sides. I don't have the right to a voice in this specific conversation. I only want to make it clear what happened between me and two other people, and why they are saying hurtful things about me.

In summary:

Two different people asked me to promote their discord server that banned endogenic systems and tulpas from joining. As per the Promo Guidelines page, we do not promote those servers. I am a singlet and engaging in system discourse is not acceptable. [correction: one server admin asked me to promote their server. I declined. A second person on behalf of the server tried again to request a server promo.]

One of the server admins had a conversation with me. I explained the rule regarding banning types of Systems. The server admin took it poorly, stating my refusal to join in intracommunity discourse as a singlet was ableism on my part. [Correction: the second person may not have been an server admin, but acting on behalf of the server]

The two server admins are now slandering me on other blog(s?), saying I'm ableist, taking sides on system discourse despite being a singlet, and being lesbophobic. [Correction: it was only the second person, not the server admin.]

I've done none of those things. I have a copy of the conversations to prove it. I don’t want to post it without their consent, unless I really must to prove I wasn’t behaving inappropriately.

I am a transmisogyny exempt nonbinary lesbian who can only be publicly open about my identity online. I am in the closet in real life to my entire family. I know how torturous lesbophobia is and would never be lesbophobic to anyone.

[In fact, the topic of lgbt+ identities never came up in that conversation. I'm confused where that came from.]

If you read any of this, thank you. I really hope I haven’t behaved poorly regarding this. I would like to apologize if I have. I genuinely don’t think I have been unreasonable in this situation.

Connie / Mod Party Cat!

ps, if you know their blog urls, please do not harass them. Also, please don’t harass anyone in their kin community. Don’t be goofy like that, thank you.

pps I’m ok with people linking or reblogging this if someone is confused about what new terrible thing has happened on fictionkinfessions. It’s not required but hey, it’s out there, for eternal record on the internets. Hello world.

pps sorry for putting it in the community tags, but it is relevant insofar as clarifying rumors and dishonesty.

[tiktaalic]

hi! i'm thinking about make an event week kind of like spnpocweek or spnwomenweek (but for a different fandom) and i know you were/are involved with those so i wanted to ask your advice. the fandom is pretty small and not incredibly active so i'm not sure if enough people would want to create for the event/hear about it. did you do anything to gauge interest for spnpocweek before you made an intro post for it, or did you just go for it? if you did, any advice for making one? or about doing an event like this in general?

i did do some interest surveys!

here's the link to the women week interest survey

the pocweek one had the same questions, i just made a copy and changed the relevant words. basically the questions were how likely are you to participate, what time frame would you like it to happen, what socials would you like it to be posted on (this was more to see if it was worth it to put together a twitter acct), if ppl wanted things reblogged in a queue or as they're seen, place for mods to apply, and a prompt suggestion box as well as a general suggestions box.

i think i posted the surveys mid feb? because the first prospective dates were in mid march and i wanted to have a month for prep on the part of admin and participants. i got 40 responses on pocweek and 39 on womenweek, and pretty much as soon as i had enough people respond about wanting to do mod work i made a really barebones server for us.

this is what the womenweek server looks like! welcome, roles, survey responses (i exported the intro survey as a pdf and then posted it in there, and i also typed up pocweek feedback and dropped it in there), misc suggestions, general, prompt brainstorming, blog setup, and off topic.

i've done some other events before for smaller fandoms, and we could handle everything w just 3 mods - one person who could do graphics, the other two answering questions / reblogging entries, so if you get two other people who sign on to mod, i'd say you're good to go! personally what i struggled with the most is promo because. well ive never promoted anything in my life i purposefully tag shit in a way that keeps my original posts out of main tags lmao so it was really difficult for me to figure out how to phrase posts in a rebloggable way as well as figure out how to tag them. and honestly im still not sure how to do that! its honestly. all luck whether or not they get traction. if your promo posts are floundering in 1-5 likes range, i'd say it's a good bet to msg someone you know is active in that space and kindly ask them to check it out / possibly reblog! if you wanna message me off anon w some specfics / detailed questions / etc i'm def willing to talk u through it and show you what all my planning stuff looks like!

[greatcomettexting2]

the thing about the mod steph and mod nero of greatcomettexting is that i never got to parse out how icky they made me feel whenever i drew boundaries but i really want to because i still feel icky about it so ill warm myself some cawfee and do it now

nero talks a lot about how “none of us what REAL callout worthy things hes done!!” but i figure so long as my skins crawling about how obsessed they both were with me then i can risk his constant talk in every new server he joined about how he “has attempted literal actual murder” even if it was just him having an episode in high school and lobbing a brick

mod steph’s already had a huge history of not knowing when to draw boundaries with people and theres a dozen fucking people who can vouch for this because they all stopped talking to her once she started this weird shit. whether it was suicide baiting people into pitying her and listening to her for like all of 2017 or copy pasting other peoples vents to send herself(wild?) in the Vent Channel. clara talks a lot every one or two years about how much shes “changed” but she continually tests these boundaries to fuck around with people and nero isnt better in this respect at all. it felt like sometimes theyd realize something was a boundary for someone and then trigger it on purpose 

like. the first and biggest and weirdest thing is that nero and clara would take entire conversations i’d had years ago and roleplay them out WORD FOR WORD in text or on call. sometimes id get uncomfortable with how clearly they remembered each word in the conversation. this wasnt a one off thing, this went on from 2018 to today, and it really really disturbed me, but i had no idea how to talk to either of them about it, because when i did clara would act like she had no clue what i was talking about, and say shit like ““listen jules, i feel like this is one of those instances where you think somethings happening, but it isnt.” the excuse nero used for this was that “ive always thought jules was so cool” but that doesnt explain copying out entire conversations i had that he shouldnt really remember from as early as 2017. it did feel at times like he enjoyed taking on the role of me in these conversations and saying the things i said out loud. this got very very creepy very very fast

that brings me to the next thing which was this. weird obsessive fascination mod steph had with my approval. there is just so much shit.  she picked up her other name “clara” from a friend i have named kai who used to go by clara--the reason steph picked this name was because i would gush a lot about kai to her (which made me really happy because clara would have borderline suicidal breakdowns when i talked about my other friends.) she got really really fucking uncomfortable whenever i gave approval to anyone else too and would act like. a petulant child if i couldnt give her compliments she wanted. the most recent example of this was that i complimented someones selfie that wasnt hers she stayed cold to me for two days. i finally decided to ask her what was wrong and she admitted she had felt “kind of bad” when i ignored her selfie and when i asked her why she didnt communicate this to me, she explained she gets kind of “mean when shes high” (she doesnt, she has a bpd break for julesyboy’s approval when shes high.) she would also get super uncomfortable when i expressed attraction to Anyone, (romantic OR platonic) and begin comparing herself to them (why do this) on text and on call. a most memorable recent experience of this was when i explained to her in detail about a guy i like who’d bit his knuckle, and then she posted selfies everywhere of her blushing profusely and. biting her knuckle (and it really really wasnt the same, poor thing, she really did try.) theres dozens upon dozens of examples of this

and i realise that whole paragraph is wild and kind of funny if you think about it in the context of... like, a kid who admires the attention of their friend. but clara and nero would try their hardest all the time to test everyones boundaries to the point where it got way too weird. if nero knew something was specific to someones abuse he’d make sure to push them about it or make posts about how “weak!” it was for people to deal with “x and x.” or if someone were to expressed a self harming behaviour he would jump in w “OMG! LISTEN! I DO THIS TOO!!.” or he would make jokes about him “selling pics! this is just a reminder! :3 happy valentines day!” (same post, all platforms) before three of my friends who were sex workers approached me asking if this was a weird little joke. it really did feel like at times he said things he knew would shock people the most. and it really did feel like at times every time someone said something out of the ordinary he would. go out of his way trying to say he did that too, it wasnt a big deal. “it doesnt matter if youve self harmed yourself a lot, have i talked about how i once attempted murder yet. does that sound too edgy? i know people are scared of me... omg... omg omg.” and like this is all fine because if you hear his tinkly baby voice on call none of this shit is all that scary, no matter how much he talks about “how his friends think hes really really tough” (where are his friends.) but it does get a little weird when you think about how much of my trauma i confided in both of these two only to have nero blow it off, and how much they enjoyed doing that thing where they would roleplay out my conversations  from 2017 with nero in the role of saying the things i responded with.

the reason ive typed out this long ass post is bc it literally just made my skin itch a little. it still does. when nero and clara would Do The Thing where they played out jules’ old conversations and . when they would post a lot of selfies with captions like “ahhh i love myself! i promise!” only to see my pictures from 2017 and go “ughh... i was REALLY ugly back then, but i promise im pretty now! clara/nero was ugly too, not gonna lie!” before venting about how they were never satsified w their reflections in the mirror it was weird. when clara would vent every night i didnt compliment like. a fucking selfie of hers. about how Unloved She Truly Was it was weird. like bros i am an abused neet living at home and after im done college im fucking out of here forever... u have nothing to be weirdly obsessed about, and copying out conversations i had with you and things i said to years ago won’t make u love yourself any more

tldr: mods neroratio and stephclara were very microobsessed with my attention and with attention in general to the point where they would literally roleplay being me and act like i was “making things up in my head” when i asked them wtf was wrong. and if you remember them from greatcomettexting and admired them for speaking their truth then like. this is what they were like

[playchoicesconfessions]

FAQ ( Frequently Asked Questions)

Hello everyone, we deciced to post a list of frecuent questions related to this blog. Here you will find the answer for those questions/concerns.

1) When is anonymous enable?

Anon is usually enable after the chapters come out or after the number of confessions in the inbox is low. It will be closed after receiving a certain amount of confessions. 

2) Can I send a confession and ask to remain anonymous?

Yes, you can. You just need to add a litle message. Such as: Anon please, I’d like to be anon please, etc. 

3) How long does it take a submission to go from submitted to posted?

It will depend. When a confession gets to our inbox a mod will eventually take it. We usually copy it into our private list and then we made the edit, this process can take a few days. If your confession hasn´t been posted in a week try by submitting it again. 

4) How many confessions can a user send?

You can submit 3 confessions per user in the lapse of a week (From monday to sunday).

5) My confession hasn’t been posted yet. Am I doing something wrong?

There could be a few reasons why this might be happening: 

- Tumblr has the bad habit of eating confessions.

- Your confessions wasn’t appropriate according to our rules and guidelines and was deleted. 

-Your confessions is already in the queue or one of our mods is currently working on it. 

6) Why can’t I comment in your posts?

Replies are only available for people following us for at least a week. 

7) I don’t want to see “X” type of post. What I should do?

You can block undesired posts of your feed by adding the tag to your blacklist. Every “anti post” is tagged. For example: #ant idrake walker, #anti big sky country, #anti the royal romance,etc. 

You can also block content you dont want to see with these tags: 

#BizarreLI (for confessions that mention attraction to monsters/non human creatures)

#wannabeanli (for confessions asking X character to become a love interest) 

#Ns*w (For posts that contain sexual suggestion or anything blatanly risque)

#Not confessions (anything that is not a confession and it’s not related to the content of our blog)

7) Are you recruiting new mods?

We are not recruiting new mods at the moment. We'll let you know in case we will.

_______________

That is all. If you have any other question/suggestion you think should be addressed, just hit us up!

- The Mods!

[lotsarecoverymemes]

[Part 1] sorry if this ask gets a bit long and rambly, I don't know how to word it but I'm gonna try. The main thing is: I'm scared I'm just making up my ed behaviors for attention, that I'm faking it and just imitating ed behaviors and that I want to be sick. My behaviors originally started by exercising and restricting a bit and telling myself I was just being "healthy". Idk why I started all of it, but I do know that surprisingly, at the time, I was watching recovery videos (again idk why).

[Part 2] I started exercising less because I was exhausted, but started restricting more to make up for the exercising I was no longer getting. Before my behaviors got bad I was also looking at a lot of thinsoo & pro ana stuff. So I feel like I saw people recovered who had good lives & looked at pro ana things and almost idk, gave myself the disorder? I also believe I may have borderline personality disorder & eds are common to have with that, so I feel like I'm only valid if I have an ed too? [Part 3] I even remember when I was younger, I wanted to have an ed bc it meant I was actually sick, which is so messed up. & now I feel like I WANT someone to know about my behaviors so they will make me stop & take care of me I guess? At first I was restricting out of fear of weight gain, but now it's bc not only do I fear weight gain, but I also think I'm a bad and evil person for making up my ed so I feel like I don't deserve to eat bc of it. [Part 4] So it's strange bc it's like the reason I'm not eating changed, which again makes me think I'm faking. There are also times where I'm terrified of food & other times where I think "maybe it's not that scary", but I still don't let myself eat. I think these thoughts are a lot stronger than usual bc my family recently found out about my behaviors & therefore, I might have to start recovery soon & I'm TERRIFIED. Idk this was such a long ask & probably doesn't make much sense, so I'm sorry [Part 5] Please don't feel the need to answer if this triggers you or if it's too much to think abou. The bottom line I think is, I'm scared I'm a bad person who used this illness for attention. I'm scared I copied these behaviors & made it all up & faked it & it makes me feel like a terrible person who deserves to feel this way. &I'm wondering if you've had similar feelings, & if you have any advice on how to deal w/ it. I adore your blog & think you're so inspiring, thank you for what you do

hi darling! no need to be sorry, i'm happy you came to us! i have definitely had similar thoughts n feelings, those are fairly normal within people with eating disorders, you are not faking. first off, no healthy person wants to have a disorder. you wanting to be sick indicates that you do have an ed. as do those behaviours. the mindset of 'i want to be sick' and 'i need to be sicker to be valid' is very common with eds, and it's not something a non-disordered person would think. wanting it for attention also doesn't mean you don't have an ed!! sometimes eds develope because you needed attention and your brain decided an ed was a way to get it, that doesn't mean the disorder isn't real!! i've been in the same place of wanting to have an ed from when i was a kid, by the time i started enganging in behaviours it felt like such a long time coming and, like what you have felt, like i was just giving myself an ed because i wanted one. it made me feel the same way it made you feel, but my ed is valid and so is yours. and you don't need to be engaging in an ed behaviours to be valid in having bpd!! maybe try to get a diagnosis so you feel more valid? idk! but!! you are absolutely not bad or evil or faking. you have an ed and that ed is lying to you n messing with your head. you deserve to get better. right now. you deserve recovery and you deserve to eat and you deserve to be happy. my advice would be try to remember this, and if you're able to, open up to your family about how you're feeling! if they know these thoughts, you're less likely to feel like you're faking, and they can hopefully help you fight them! let them in, let them help. you deserve help. i wish you the very best in your recovery dear, and i hope you find happiness soon ✩･*✧˚☾

- mod sam

[erintoknow]

Something dumb

fallen hero: rebirth / retribution fanfiction. definitely spoilers here + putting my cards on the table with w i l d speculation about stuff we probably won’t get any solid information on until book 3 which... who knows how far away. But it’s more fun to do it like this then make a big nonsense theory post imo. i’ll be fucking shocked if i guessed anything right

uh... anyway! ~2.1k words [ao3]

–

This is novel; it’s almost eleven and you’re still not dressed. Just a bath towel. In someone else’s apartment. Julia Ortega is upending all the rules you’ve set to keep yourself safe. Can’t shake the feeling it’s going to be your downfall. Careless. Arrogant. 

“So explain this to me, again.” Julia is eating breakfast at the kitchen table, sausage and eggs. You watch her from your position curled up on the couch, arms resting over the back. She watches you back.

“Which part?” Try to smile, try to make it look natural, normal. Are you succeeding? You can’t know.

You try not to look at your arms as you sip the cup of coffee. Julia had insisted, given how little sleep you had gotten. Nightmares, always. You can’t run from ghosts. Can’t run from yourself. Wherever you go, there you are. 

Julia stabs a tiny sausage with a fork before waving it in your direction. “Let’s start with the basics. What actually is a re-gene?”

You bite your lip. “What actually is a person, Julia?”

She flinches, “I’m sorry. I mean like.. I know how people are uh, made. But re-genes? It’s more complicated than the official story, I’m sure.”

Stare into the coffee cup, watch the little swirl of creamer. “I don’t know,” you finally admit.

“You don’t know?”

“Do you think they tell us anything they don’t have to? Do you tell your hammer how it was made?” You snap back at her, slump against the back of couch, hold the coffee cup stretched out before you with both hands. “I know they use the same kind of vats to grow the… the bodies like they use now in hospitals for transplants. Just… you know, they do the whole person.” You perk up, “Actually, did you know – they’re in clinical trails right now for this SRS option that combines lab grown with genetic engineering from the patient’s own genome to neutralize the risk of rejection, and it’s looking really promising and–”

“Ari.” Julia has a hand up. “Focus.”

“Right. Sorry.” You close your eyes, heat crawling up your face.

“I mean, it sounds great. Just… one thing at a time?”

“Yeah.” You blow air across the surface of your coffee mug, set the creamer spinning again.

“So you really don’t know anything?”

“Well…” You flinch, glance up at the ceiling, then back to her. “I mean, I would listen in. Whenever I had the chance. They were pretty good about keeping their guard up, but I mean… I’m just a thing so…”

“You are not a thing, Ariadne.” She looks at you, full force intensity. You have to look away. Can’t meet that. “Don’t ever forget that.”

“…thank you.” You blink your eyes, can’t rub without risking the coffee. “Okay. Well. You know how if you flash clone someone, beside committing a felony you’ve essentially just created like, an adult baby, right?”

“Yeah…?”

“The autonomic nervous system still works. Some basic behaviors, but like, babies still need to learn even the most basic elements of fine motor control. You can flash clone a hundred of your best solider, and they’ll all loll their heads back, sprawled on the ground drooling.”

“That’s what the whole chip thing is for right?”

“…right. We’re not ‘human.’ Just AI-piloted meat robots.”

Julia sits there for a moment, fork in her mouth. Her mouth tugs down in a frown. “Wait,” She puts the fork down. “That’s a lot of super basic behaviors for a program to handle.”

“Well. That’s the secret isn’t it.” Your smile turns dark. “We’ve made a lot of progress in mod interfaces and basic AI routines to run interface between the brain and servos. But Re-genes predate all of that. We still can’t get good enough AI to do proper image recognition.”

“So how…?”

“You cheat.”

“Cheat?”

Take a moment, close your eyes, will your heart to stop pounding against your chest. “What kind of program already knows everything about how the human body moves and operates? A program so complicated that writing it by scratch is basically impossible?”

Julia looks at you. Does she get it yet?

Dive on regardless. Don’t look back, jump the window. “Do you know what cognitive mapping is?”

She shakes her head. “No… I’m not going to like the answer, am I?”

You purse your lips, a thin line. “N-no, probably not.” You shift on the couch, take another sip of the coffee, will your arms to stop shaking. Some pilot you are, this body always acting on its own accord. “It’s been a theory for ages and ages. But, funny, no one can ever seem to get funding to seriously look into it. I think China maybe just started doing their own research on the question?” The taste on your tongue turns foul, bitter. “I’m sure that will end well.”

“What is it?” The tone of her voice, she knows. She’s got the idea. God you feel sick.

“Cheating.” Another sip of coffee. “Scan a human brain. Translate it into an electrical pattern you can store on a chip. You can even make copies. Quantum effects mean the copies won’t be– can’t be perfect. But you can do it. And you get something you can plug back into a body and it’ll know how to operate it.” You pause, tilt your head. “There’s an adjustment period. Every body is, uh… different you know. The adjustment is lot shorter than waiting fifteen years for a baby to grow up though.”

“Ariadne… are you telling me that–”

You push on, you’ve stewed on this for years. If you stop now, will you ever have the courage to speak about it again? “Obviously I can’t say any of this is for sure. Just… inferences I’ve made. Research I did after I… you know, after I left. But– The processing, the mapping. It’s destructive. The original brain doesn’t survive the process intact. It can’t. And– and–” You swallow, wincing from the tightness in your throat. “You can use a brain that just… just died. But, a living one is better. Clearer signal.”

The blood is draining from Julia’s face. It hurts to see. Somehow it’s worse, seeing her grapple with it than it ever was for you, hitting her with everything at once. It’s taken you years to get to this point, and you still feel sick. “Like Athena I sprang from my father’s head. But I killed him in the birthing. Well…” You blink your eyes, hard. “Some version of me did? Or proto-me?”

“Ariadne… I’m sorry, but that’s…”

“I wonder… D-do I get my own soul or did I just– just steal my donor’s?”

There’s a long silence to that. That’s fine. There’s no way to answer that question.

“Do you have any…?”

“Of Zeus’s memories?” You shake your head. “I–I don’t think so. There’s a lot of mystery to memory but it’s not hard to locate where the brain stores it. And then there are… logic gates? Firewalls? Mirrors. Mirrors that keep that kind of stuff locked out. If– if they even leave it in there at all. The goal isn’t to resurrect the dead after all.”

“That’s… I don’t know whether to call that a mercy or not, Ari.”

“They get other benefits for doing things that way too.”

“Other benefits? What other benefits?”

“They– the farm, the directive, whatever, they think the hero drug results are, are influenced by your mentality. They already… borrow DNA from boosts to uh, ‘boost’ the re-gene’s chances of surviving.”

“Fuck. Does that work?”

“I don’t know.” Chew on the inside of your cheek. “I feel like there are still a lot that got… recycled. For no powers, or… bad powers.” You stare down, voice bitter. “But we’re not real people, so… who cares, right?”

“So… wait.” Julia frowns at her scrambled eggs, then looks across the room to you. “Does that mean there’s like… other versions of you?”

“Uh–” You look away. “I don’t know? You mean, like, from the same uh, donor?” Julia winces at the word. “Or the same body?”

“Both? Either?”

“I don’t know. It’s a creepy question, though. Isn’t it? Am I even the original ‘me’ out there?” You shudder.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s fine,” you lie. “You know what I think?”

“…what?” Julia watches you, her expression unreadable. What is she thinking? What is she holding back for your sake? Does she hate you yet? Disgusted by you? Horrified?

“I don’t think it matters?” You bite at the inside of your cheek again, “I don’t know. It’s not like... It’s not like I don’t wonder. Maybe I’m trans because my donor was a woman? Or just my chip was in a female body previously and it picked up something there? Maybe they screwed up growing my body in the vat? Maybe it was on purpose and I’m just another sick experiment.”

“Ariadne...”

“A-anyway, the point is: Descartes is full of shit and mind-body dualism is bullshit too. Whatever the... parts of me where before, I’m just me now. This body... this mind, you can’t separate those. It’d be.. it’d be easier if you could maybe, but...”

Are you going too fast? Saying too much? You don’t want to lie anymore but– Julia is leaning over the table now, propping her head up with her arms. “And you sure about all of this?”

You put the coffee mug down on the end table, rub at your eyes. “I’m not sure of anything. I‘ve spent maybe half of my life on drugs by this point and–”

“Drugs?” Julia cuts in.

“That’s a whole other story.” You scrunch your face. Fuzzy, half-faded images floating to the top of your head. “And– and they can alter your memory, by the way. Erase things they don’t like. Another ‘perk’ to being a chip. Don’t ask me how I figured that one out.”

Julia is up from the table now, walking over to you, around the couch. “This is a lot to take in Ari. I think… I think I need you to slow down. Let me process. Before I do something dumb.”

You glance up at her, watch her sit down next to you. “Something dumb…?”

“Yeah, like burn down city hall.”

That gets a laugh. “Oh this is bigger than just Los Diablos.” You let her grab your shoulder, pull you in against her chest. You can’t relax. Not now. The tension burning in your shoulders.  “But I… I understand. I’m– I’m really taking a risk here too you know.”

There’s just the beat of her heart against you, then– “Yeah. I know.”

“This apartment could be bugged, or the next one over.”

“It’s not, I promise you.”

  “Hell, maybe they’re listening in via your mods, or–”

She waps you on the shoulder, laughing. “Get out of here!”

You huff, “I’m serious. Do you know what they’re doing in there when you’re getting an upgrade?”

“Well…” She shifts the hand on your shoulder, rubbing your arm. “No. I guess not. Thanks for giving me a whole new thing to be paranoid over.” 

“Happy to help.” You lean into her.

There’s a pause then; “You know, if you’re right saying it out loud probably just screwed both of us.”

“Y-yeah. I’m sorry.”

“Stop. I asked you.”

“I’m sorry. For– for dumping all this on you. This isn’t even half of it.”

“I won’t lie Ari, it’s… hard to hear a lot of this.” Her voice is tense. Pained? Probably being truthful. You’re not sure how to feel about that.

“…I know. Thank you… for– for caring.”

“I’m just grateful you’re finally talking to me about it. Ari…” You can feel the words catch in her throat. You’ll have to prod them loose.

“What?”

“It’s just…”

“What?”

“I know I said I wasn’t going to make you stop but… maybe it would be better if you stayed low for a while? A long while?” She keeps rubbing your upper arm, fingers firm into your too-exposed skin.

“No.” Your voice is firm. You reach your hand up, pull at your hair. “I– I don’t want to hurt anyone Julia. Well,” You pause, wince. “Almost anyone, I guess. But–” You shudder, swallow down the nausea. “They have to pay.”

“Okay. I’m not going to argue against that, exactly. Just…”

“It can’t be enough to just… destroy the farm, either.” You narrow your eyes, glaring down at your legs, orange lines poking out from under the towel. “The–the very idea of the Directive needs to go down in flames. Every last cocksucking motherfucker involved needs their life ruined and their career on fire. They’ll wish they were dead.” You exhale, let the air out of your lungs in one long shaking breath. Realize your finger nails are digging into your palms. Let go. Try to let go. Swallow the pain. 

There’s silence then; “It doesn’t have to be you, Ari.”

You bite back a laugh. it’s like you’ve come full circle in a year. From begging Julia to retire and let Adrestia go, and now, her she is, holding you up. Asking you. To let it go.

You can’t do that.

“Nobody else cares.” You push back against Julia, draw your legs to your chest, hug your knees. “And I’ll never be safe. They’ll never let me be. They’ll never stop haunting me.”

“I care. And so will others, if you just let them.”

A ghost of a smile on your face. “That’s a nice dream, Julia.”

“This isn’t going to make your nightmares go away.”

You swallow, press your eyes closed, turn your head in towards the crook of her arm. “I… I know.”