#and you cant even try a ''people in real life: hey man hows it going'' bc ive seen this articulated by many many ppl at my job

[goopaspect]

oh shit its almost "shitty low budget high plastic/high oil pride flag colored merch, made by people getting paid 2 cents an hour, in incredibly environmentally deleterious ways that increase the perception of class entanglement of lgbt issues in a negative direction by giving people who arent already sympathetic to lgbt rights a convenient and not untrue justification for their feelings¹" month

[findafight]

Tw for hospitals and use of of pain medication, infection, and canonical injuries, brief mention of the AIDS crisis. Ohhhh steddie dating pre S4 au where Robin has now been subjected at work to Steve both striking out spectacularly and flirting like he knows he's getting laid that night. She isn't sure which is worse. (The striking out is worse. She is glad her friend is happy. She's just painfully single and pining away)

The same stuff happens in s4 minus Robin and Eddie pushing Steve and Nancy together romantically (Dustin is trying to push Steve to both Robin or Nancy he's like dude these are girls you like why are you not making a move on them! I want you to be happy!!! And Steve rips his eyes away from Eddie's lips like huh?) But they're still like hey Nancy! It would be nice! If we could be friends maybe! And it's still awkward.

Robin is out here sweating and glaring at Steve and eddie trying to beam thoughts into Eddie's brain in the Upside Down like Eddie please cool it I know it's a stressful situation but stop staring at Steve's tits for five minutes pl-oh giving him your vest??? You think that's going to help? Ok buddy. I'm just going to. Distract Nancy up ahead a little bit while you and Steve chat aaaaand neither of you are listening. Fine.

And it's still a mess. Max and Eddie and Steve end up in the hospital. The ground split open but sealed itself once Steve cut Henry's head off. Everything is over.

Eddie gets discharged first, despite having more bites than Steve, because his didn't have two days to get infected with Upside Down nastiness. So he ends up camped out with Robin at Steve's bedside as he fights the infection with antibiotics (the doctors hope will work), pain meds, and a slight fever.

Which is to say, completely out of it and high as a kite.

So when Dustin visits and Steve is awake, he gets to see a big, goofy grin spread across his best friend's/adoptive older brother's face as he reaches out and says "dusssstyyyy! Cmere. Lemme. Boop you." And yeah, okay, it makes him feel a bit like a baby but Steve is out of it and apparently drugged Steve likes to Boop his younger friends noses. Dustin can accept that. He sighs and leans forward and allows his nose to be booped.

Steve giggles and smiles and pats his head. "Good to see you, man"

Dustin smiles, a bit watery because it's hard to see Steve in the hospital again, and because it was fucking terrifying to watch him nearly drop to the ground after making sure Eddie got treatment, only being caught by Robin. Dustin almost lost three people he loves, and he is so fucking glad they're all alive, if not well.

"yeah, Steve. Good to see you, too. They say when you're allowed to blow this pop stand?"

Steve frons. "No. Still got Upside Down goobies in my guts, 'parently."

Robin sighs. "They said a few more days. Make sure the infection is clear and there's no suspicious side effects."

"yeah. That's what I said, Robin."

Dustin grins, then settles down beside Robin, across from Eddie. He hasn't said anything since Dustin walked in, but was playing with the sleeve of Steve's hospital gown and tracing patterns on his arm. He looks up at Dustin, and offers a small smile.

It's a bit weird, how close he's stuck by Steve this whole time, but Dustin guesses they probably bonded when they got sucked through the watergate, and that Steve saving his life really endeared him to Eddie. He hopes they can be actual, real friends once things settle. Given how much Eddie is at Steve's bedside, he thinks they're well on their way to it.

They all chat for a while, Steve sometimes getting off topic and dreamy, but looking happy even when he isn't quite following what they're all saying. Dustin is pretty sure Steve doesn't have his hearing aids in on top of the drugs, so he isn't really surprised.

His mom eventually bustles into the room, and fusses over Steve. "Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry. Let me know if we can do anything, I mean anything, to help, okay? I'm sorry I cant visit for longer today, but what with everything happening like this, I -"

"isss okay, Mrs. H...Ma." Steve corrects himself immediately, smiling. Dustin's insides always get a bit squiggly when Steve calls his Ma, Ma. Like they're actual brothers, and she's their mom, and no one could ever argue they're not family for real. What makes it better that it was Ma who insisted Steve call her that since January of '85, as though she knew just how much both Dustin and Steve needed each other like that.

"I'll be by tomorrow, okay, dear? Robin, you and Eddie are alright for tonight? I'll stay tomorrow but today I re-"

"it's fine! Seriously, Mrs. H. Don't worry about us. My parents will force me home tomorrow anyways, but tonight we're good." Robin grips at Steve's ankle, grounding herself. Dustin doesn't think there's been a day when she hasn't been in Steve's room. Doubts if the places were reversed Steve wouldn't have to be dragged out to shower and change clothes. They're so weird, but Dustin is glad Steve has someone older that loves him like Robin does. It makes it easier to not be able to spend all day with him like he wants to.

"okay. Alright." She leans forward and kisses Steve's forehead a few times, brushes some stray hairs out of his face, just like she does when Dustin is sick in bed. "You take care Steve, sweetheart, and make sure you let Robin and Eddie take care of you too." She turns to Dustin. "I'll give you a few minutes to say goodbye and then meet me down at the car, okay?"

Dustin nods, and his mom is out the door. He sighs. "Well. I guess I'd better head out." He gives Steve a hug, a bit awkward from Steve lying down, but it's fine, Steve wraps his arms around Dustin and tries to give him his normal double squeeze, but it's more of a press with his hands than anything. Dustin'll take it. "I'm glad you're getting better Steve. Glad we're all safe."

Steve's smile is soft, gooey in a way that he usually tries to hide. "Glad you're safe, too, man. Love you." Something in his smile sharpens, then. "Unlike some people in this room you actually...listened? When I told you not to be a hero. And didn't nearly almost die."

Eddie groans, dramatic. It seems like a game they're playing with each other more than anything, but it's a game Dustin doesn't know the parameters of, and it's jarring. "C'mon, Steve. I said I was sorry! I wasn't going to let Dustin get hurt."

Steve glares at Eddie, which would be more intimidating if he wasn't scrutching up his nose or propped up by pillows freshly fluffed by one Claudia Henderson. "Which is the reason why you're allowed in here even though you almost died. Dustin is safe, and that's good. But I'd've been so fuckin pissed if you died."

Robin snorts, pats Steve's hand. "Oh, buddy. You'd have been inconsolable."

"yeah. Exactly. it would have fucking sucked, Eddie. So. I'm still mad at you, even though I love you. Probably because I love you."

Which is. Not what Dustin was expecting. Sure, Steve was pretty open about his love. Especially after Starcourt, when he finally seemed to settle into something Dustin thinks of as comfortable with who he is. (Which is, actually, a big softie with a bit of a bitchy mouth) He's told Dustin he loves him before, and he's pretty sure he's told Max too. Steve says he loves Robin all the time, just not romantically even if Dustin doesn't think that's entirely true, but.

This feels different.

It is different, given the way Eddie squeaks a bit and sways towards Steve. "Steve..." He breathes, his eyes big and wet and wide. He swallows. "Steve. Dustin doesn't. He's still here, i--"

Steve's brow furrows. "Yeah? So? Did you not want...oh." something in the blankness that drops over Steve is scary, especially in comparison to how Steve's been open and lax the entire time Dustin's been in the room.

Steve turns his head slightly towards Eddie, ten slightly away, like he doesn't know if he wants to look at him or not. Dustin shuffles his feet, not quite sure what's going on, feeling awkward and wrongfooted. Robin stands, puts her hand on Dustin's shoulder, tries to turn him away and out the door, but Dustin isn't leaving when Steve's face is all stiff and blank like it is.

"steve--" Eddie sounds wrung out, wrecked. What the hell is going on?

Steve sniffs ever so slightly, interrupting Eddie. "You don't have to say it. You don't even have to-uh. To feel it, right now. That's okay. I've done that before. I can wait." Dustin sees a muscle twitch in his jaw. "But if you- if you don't think you can, I need to know now, actually. Because now Dustin knows but he's my brother so that's good and fine but if you don't want to--if you don't think this is gonna, like, be a long-term, tell people important to us kind of thing; if you're realizing that it's been long enough that you should feel that--that way about me but you don't, then I need to know because I don't want you lying about how you feel. I can't do that again. When you say it back I want to be sure you mean-"

"I love you too, Steve! Jesus fuck." Eddie blurts, apparently having had enough of. Well. Everything Steve was saying.

It's dawning on Dustin that maybe when Steve and Eddie said they knew each other they didn't just mean from highschool. That they. Well. Obviously they love each other. Which is....something to consider later because Steve looks like he's about to cry. Because Woah, Dustin has misread a lot between the two of them if they're...like this.

"yeah? You're sure?" He says, wobbly now he isn't rambling.

Eddie's squished himself more into Steve's space. "yes, yeah, of course Steve. Fuck. You met Wayne! I want you in my life, for a long, long time. I don't- I didn't do anything to make you think I didn't, did I?" His voice is a little rough, and little pleading.

Steve shakes his head, grips Eddie's hand in his m, even as Eddie uses it to support himself over top Steve. "No. I just. I know it freaks people out, is all, and I don't want you to freak out, or leave, or think you had to because we've been dating for a few months and I want to say it. It just came out because it's true."

Eddie laughs, leans in reeealy close to Steve. "Honey. It came out because you're high and morphene."

Steve grumbles a bit, but he's smiling too, and knocks their foreheads together. "Yeah. And also because it's true. I love you."

Eddie's eyelids flutter, Dustin can see, as he grins. "And I love you." He says, before closing the distance and kissing Steve squarely on the mouth.

Robin clears her throat. "As...heartwarming and sappy you two are. Dustin has to leave, and probably...has some questions? That he's not going to be a dick about?" She says this as she grips his shoulder tightly, in a way that is definitely a threat.

Dustin nods furiously. Eddie sighs but pushes away from Steve, not before pecking him again, drawing that dopey smile back into Steve's face. "Yeah." He says. "I'll walk you out Henderson."

Dustin waves goodbye to Steve, who seems cheery once again, wiggling his fingers are Dustin and Eddie, before walking out the door behind Eddie.

"so. How long have...has that been a thing?" He asks, as soon as they clear the doorframe.

Eddie huffs, but seems good natured about it. "Few months. December."

"okay." Says Dustin. "Uh. I didn't. I didn't know you...or Steve, I guess...I didn't know you guys were-" he lowers his voice, despite the hallway being surprisingly empty. "Gay."

There's something steely in Eddie's eye when he answers. "We're not. Well-we are, but we both also like women."

Something doesn't sit right about that with Dustin. "But! You just said-"

Eddie holds his hands up, and Dustin shuts his mouth on instinct. "You can like both while just dating one person, Dustin. Just because you like women doesn't mean you're going around with girls who aren't Suzie, right?" He nods. He adores Suzie, can't really imagine looking at any other girl like that because she's just. Amazing. She's his girlfriend and they love each other, and just because girls are pretty great doesn't mean Dustin wants anything other than friendship wi--oh. He sees where Eddie is going.

"right. Yeah. Sorry."

Eddie shrugs. "Steve kinda dropped a bomb in both of us, today"

""isn't it weird though?"

"well...girls and guys are different"

"they are indeed."

"so, if you like girls, why do you like...boys...too?"

"why do you like girls and not boys, Dustin?"

Which is hard to answer because, well. Dustin's never really thought about why he likes girls. He just does. And maybe that's what Eddie means. There's no reason, really. People just...like what they like.

Or there are reasons, because girls are pretty and often smell nice and Suzie looks like a mad scientist when her ponytail gets a little loose after hours of working on a project, her eyes glinting behind her glasses as she giggles and bites her lip, just a little. But that's mostly Suzie. So. He can't really put a finger on why he's only ever had crushes on girls, or why before last summer they've never been as much or as consuming as his love for Suzie. Never been anything like the long days spent together at camp building and creating and blasting ideas off each other, before one day Suzie took his hand and they ended up sneaking away to look at the stars, trying to outdo each other's knowledge about them and slowly being pulled into the other's orbit like binary stars. He's never really wanted to kiss anyone like he wants to kiss Suzie, not even when he had a brief and fleeting crush on Max.

"oh." Is what he says, and feels pretty lame for it.

Eddie shrugs. "You can't really choose who you like." He says before breathing in. "But you do choose who you love, and how you love them."

And. Well. Dustin thinks of his Ma sweeping Steve up into family dinners every other week, and how the party absorbed Max into it as easy as anything, and holding Suzie's hand as they looked up at the stars in dew covered grass feeling like the world starts and ends there, and of Steve and Robin cackling together and having seemingly no personal space or boundaries between them. And of Steve and Eddie, saying I love you for the first time in a hospital room after saving the world.

"That's pretty good." Dustin says, and Eddie smirks at him.

"yeah. Steve said it to me, way back on our second date."

Dustin scoffs. Because he should have known; it's so typically Steve to say something like that. "And you were surprised when he said he loves you?"

Eddie's eyes twinkle in the florescent lights of the hospital. "Nah. Just... it's different being pretty sure, and knowing for sure. I also didn't want him saying something in front of you he'd regret."

He nods. "That's fair. I...don't know how I would've taken it if Steve weren't in the hospital, honestly. Like!" He tries to reassure Eddie "I would have gotten over it, for sure! But if had had sat me ore the party down and talked it out I might've been, like, y'know. Super weird about it. Because. I mean. This talk is good, right? I'm think about things and thinking about how I've only ever really wanted to kiss Suzie, even if I thought about maybe abstractly kissing other people. And how we as humans have all these quirks that let us be human, but different, which enable us as a species to thrive." He heaves a breath. "But. Seeing Steve all loopy and saying it, and then being worried you felt pressure about it, I dunno. It makes sense, I guess. I don't know how you two met or got to know each other, but. I guess it makes sense, how you like each other. And talking to you now. It's helped, I think."

Everything is a bit scrambled in Dustin's brain, the love and the confusion and the worry, because it's setting in that in Hawkins, something like this, for Steve and Eddie, is dangerous. Something that could get them hurt or killed, scorned by the town they've helped save.

His mother always grumbles agrily when ads about how the virus going around is God's punishment for sinners, or how it's cleaning up the streets of unwanted people gays and addicts. She huffs, swears. Says that just because bigots don't consider the people getting sick as wanted or valuable, doesn't mean no one does. That no one deserves to get sick for things they cannot control, or for things they can. A smoker is more likely to get lung cancer, but that doesn't mean they deserve it more than someone who's never seen a cigarette.

Their families will mourn them the same.

They reach the main doors, and Dustin sees his mom has pulled into a pick up lane, blinkers on. He turns to Eddie, and burries his face in his neck.

Eddie takes it in stride, parting his back and giving him a bit of a squeeze. It's not as good a hug as Steve gives, but that bar is only really surpassed by his mom, so it's still a good hug.

"please be careful, Eddie."

"ah," says Eddie, and he pulls back slightly. "We are, man. You're close to both of us and didn't suspect. We know what we're doing."

Dustin raised his eyebrows. Now that he has context, a lot of interactions between Steve and Eddie in the wake of getting them out of the Upside Down seem a lot less friendly.

Eddie chuckles. "Seriously. We are. It was just hard during everything, and, well, we both feel safe around you guys. I think Steve's been gearing up to ask me if we can tell all of you sheepies soon."

"yeah?"

"yeah, bud. Don't worry about us."

"Considering you just got released and Steve is still in the hospital, I think a little worrying over you jackasses is justified."

Eddie smirks. "Fine. A normal and reasonable amount of worrying, then. But no more than that. Now, git! Your ma's waiting on you."

Dustin smiles, "yeah, yeah. I'll see you tomorrow."

"yep. You know where to find me."

He waves again as he hopes into the front seat, and buckles his seatbelt before Ma can ask him to. He smiles at her, and feels oddly...grounded. a mystery has been solved, even if Dustin doesn't have all the pieces, he still has the big picture.

"everything alright, Dusty? Nothing wrong with Steve, is there?" She asks, even as she changes out of park.

"yeah, yeah. Just accidentally stumbled over something saying goodbye, and was worried about them. But everything is fine. Robin and Eddie have Steve handled."

They turn out of the hospital parking lot, heading for home. Ma smiles. It's softer, more indulgent than usual. "Yes. They're good for each other, I think. Compliment one another nicely."

Dustin doesn't bother asking which set she's talking about, thinks maybe they both know.

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 164 spoilers and thoughts that are totally not late what are you talking about this is on time for sure <- writing the day that 165 drops

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JAVIER WAS THE ACTUAL MVP OF THIS WHOLE EPISODE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA HAHAHAHAH GOD I LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH

THAT SIGNATURE SLIGHT SMIRK, THE MENACE IN HIS EYES. YES!!! SAVE UR MAN FROM GRIEF!!! GO KNIGHT BOY GO!!!!!!!

oh how he's grown, oh how he's learned from lloyd,,, truly using all the skills hes seen and putting them to the test. ITS SO FUNNY HOW EFFECTIVE THIS IS HAHAHAHAA THE EXPRESSIONS ARE SO SO GOOD THEYRE SO UNHINGED I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

back to the top!

lloyd trying to bargain and figure out loopholes only to realize there really is no other way besides losing it all over again makes my heart ACHE. OOOWWW. OWWWWWWWW.

just. watching that shutdown happen is so so so cruel why would u do this to me. the way the artist shows the energy and life just leaving his eyes and then subsequently showing how. tired he is. makes me so so emotional

it fucking HURTS. and by god ive been there before - certainly not to this extent ofc, but ive also been in tough spots where all the work ive done for my engineering projects ends up being,,, pointless. it is VERY real, how demoralizing that feels and lloyds reaction to that, and i cant imagine the scale of how that despair increases when its related to the work you did to simply just live in peace. god. ow. ow ow ow ueueueuuee

like he just essentially got told that it didnt matter how hard he fought to live, to survive, it doesn't matter that he's "lloyd" now; kim suho is destined for an ill-fate. and considering we know him as someone who lives almost entirely for others? it's basically "hey, all this stuff u did for other people to make urself not a burden, became a burden. tough luck!" GOD THATS SO. GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHH

and he's trying so hard to think of himself as lloyd frontera still but like. whats the point? his association with lloyd frontera became the thing that doomed him

this panel in particular is INSANEE AAGHGHGHHGGG the colors washed out, how limp he looks, the blankness of the background like nothings there. this is where lloyd is right now, hope ripped from him, this reflects that really well. it HURTS.

is dissociated the right word for this? in despair? either way he's emotionally and mentally going THROUGH it, and essentially back to isolation considering how he ignores javier

i also wonder now if lloyd has already made a choice, to let javier live? we dont get to see more of his thoughts beyond this point, so its hard to say whether or not he's already made the decision of which protagonist lives,,, god im so worried for him. a part of me suspects that maybe he already chose javier to live,,, IM SO SCARED,,,,

speaking of javier,,, we see him talking to arcos and marbella!! and AGGGHHH AAAHHH MY HEART i really really think that javier was being completely genuine here. i think he really believes this. javier in general has a tendency to be incredibly genuine in the things he says (examples i cant think of off the top of my head but this episode has a lot of em LOL). he's asserted multiple times that he believes lloyd can save their estate, and its clear he means it every time. the faith javier has in lloyd is so so strong and it makes me so fucking EMOTIONALLL im getting ahead of myself a little bit sorry

but then the stare that arcos gives to javier,,, i think silent was the one who mentioned it but its as if arcos isnt sure if he should believe him, and if u take into account the last time they asked about lloyd's status,,, it's very much possible that he doesnt believe javier, but javier has so much faith in lloyd that he leaves them alone anyway. god,,, gghh,,, mmy heart,,,,

AND JAVIER ASKING LLOYD TO WAIT FOR HIM AND THAT HE'LL HELP LLOYD GET BACK TO HIS FEET GOD GHGHGH HE LOVES HIM SO FUCKING MUCH GOD FUCK GOD DAMMIT YOU!!! YOU!!!!

lloyd doesnt even respond but javier doesnt need to wait for a response bc he'll do whatever it takes now to protect this noble he's come to care for and love and gone on so many adventures with GOD DAMMIT GOD DAMMIT FUCK

and now we reach the second half of the episode and it made me giggle SO FUCKING HARD HAHAHAHAHAHAA

LIKE I SAW THIS PANEL AND MY JAW DROPPED PLEASE JAVIER ALDKJFLSKJDF

ppl were posting that apparently someone in ORV does this too and like thats so fucking funny . if i had a nickel for every time there was identity fraud in a manhwa id have two nickels

POOR RAPHAEL GETTING CAUGHT IN THE FIRE TOO HAHAHAHA HE LOOKS SO NERVOUS

some more panels of javier harnessing all that unhinged lloyd energy IT'S SO SO GOOD. it feels like javier's now a really really strong prosecutor i think he'd do a good job as a lawyer. THIS IS SO SO FUN

LIKE HE LOOKS SO MENACING GOD ITS SO FUNNY AHHAHAHAHA while making entirely good points he's so golden i love u sm javier. yes save ur man. outargue the FUCK out of these angels u clever little knight.

THE BITS WHERE ITS REVEALED HE'S TRULY GENUINE TOO ARE SOOOO FUCKING GOOD

ITS FUNNY ON TOP OF BEING SO REAL OF JAVIER

i talked about it above but like. when javier really truly believes something, when he really truly wants something, it's so fucking obvious. this boy does not lie or pretend about how he feels, point blank period. hell we've seen his behavior when he lies/is not telling the truth; his words are stiff and out of character, and his expression is either menacingly tight or stiffly robotic. he has so, so SO much faith and such a deep desire to save lloyd, and it shows in how he's genuinely fucking thankful that the angels agreed to (or well, were coaxed into agreeing) with what he asked for. i think it's a really interesting character trait and it completely tracks that javier was the protagonist of knight of blood and iron. genuine, emotional characters who love and lose, who have hope and can believe and can also experience despair, can make for an extremely compelling story. javier nails it right on the head

i also think that this character trait completely influenced the way javier used the tactics that lloyd uses. like yes, this is something that lloyd could do, but he also would never be able to pull it off because he doesnt have that same protagonist heart and honest-to-god (pun intended) genuineness that javier has. this inherent authenticity that javier seems to just naturally possess is what allowed him to make these statements and demands, because the sincerity he wears on his sleeve makes it all end up feeling reasonable. only javier could have done something like this, and no one else. i think thats REALLY fun!!!

that is all for this ep for now,,, i am SUPER excited to see where this'll go. hopefully we will hear from alicia abt the eye of summer!!! god javier u clever lil thing im so glad he was able to do this SAVE UR BOYF!!! AAAAHHHH

see y'all next week! aka tmrw! today? whenever 165 drops!

[dirtybitfic]

RAVE

Chris sturniolo x fem reader

(Story line- you go to a rave and someone kissed you but something happens after the kiss and you bump into your celebrity crush Chris sturniolo as your spiraling.)

Contains- drugs, throwing up, flirting and kissing

Pink-you

Orange-Chris

Red-your best-friend

Purple-Nick

Blue-Matt

Green- the guy you end up kissing and anyone else at the rave who compliments you and shit.

You and your bestfriend had dreamed of going to a rave for years but you never managed to actually get tickets but this year you got lucky and got tickets for your dream rave .

ELECTRIC FOREST .

You had rented an air bnb kind of close to the festival cause camping did not sound appealing to either of you.

You had just gotten ready and decided that walking to the festival would be better than trying to get an Uber.

(Your outfit)

(Your bestfriends)

You both grab your phones and lock up before starting your 10 minute walk to the festival.

Oh my god I can’t believe we’re finally going to electric forest

Literally we’ve been dreaming of it for so long

Like the lights …the music …in the woods is gonna be beautiful

A spiritual experience for sure

We just gotta be careful you know some people slip shit into peoples drinks without them knowing

Yeah I know kinda scary but I’m only buying water with a cap no one is getting anything in there

Smart I honestly don’t even wanna drink I wanna fully be in the experience

Yeah same I wanna be fully in control of my body for this shit

God how much longer do we have until we reach the gates these shoes are kinda hurting

Uhhh only like 5 more minutes

Thank god

Yeah I didn’t really think about my shoe choice either

You finally reach the gates and show your wrist bands as they check the fanny pack your friend brought just so you could store your phones safely and then walked through the metal detectors. Once you were in you followed the path as the music got louder and the lights got brighter.

OH MY GOD

THIS IS SO FUCKING COOL

WERE HERE WERE ACTUALLY HERE

I KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I STILL CANT BELIEVE IT

As you guys kept walking people were roaming around talking going to the bathroom area and grabbing drinks

hey you wanna grab waters then head up to the big stage

yeah sounds good to me

You both went to buy water then made your way to the stage .

Hey I love your outfits

Thank you so much you look amazing I love your outfit so much

Thank youuu

Of course have a good time

You too

As you both approached the stage the lights went crazy as

Was playing.

Oh my god this song is good

Right brings me back to like middle school dude

Real as fuck let’s get into the crowd deeper

You both held hands tightly as you weaved through groups of people dancing around having a good time

You wanna go up further or go like middle crowd

Let’s get up further closer to the large tree line

Okay

You both got to the area you wanted to be and just started dancing around having fun with each other to some more songs .

Was playing as you both held onto each other laughing and dancing all over each other

You guys look great like those outfits wow a deep voice says from behind

You both turn to look at who said it . THE HOTEST MAN YOUVE BOTH EVER SEEN In YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. He had tattoos all over his neck ,chest and arms . He was GORGEOUS.

Thank you so much ! I love your tattoos by the way

Oh shit thank you I did most of them myself my friend who’s here with me did a good amount of them too

Wow you guys are talented. Are you a tattoo artist

Yeah we own a shop in new York

That’s so cool

Yeah it’s pretty fun he says smiling at you

So where is this friend your here with

He was following me he’s gotta be close

As he says that another super hot guy comes behind him

Hey man sorry I got caught in a big group and lost you

Nah your good man

So who are these lovely lady’s

Oh I’m y/n you say

I’m bf/n

Nice too meet you guys I’m John . I hope blain wasn’t annoying you guys he says smirking over at his friend.

Oh no not all

Would you guys care if we hung with you guys

Not at all the more the merrier you say smiling at him

He comes closer to you as his friend goes over to your bestfriend.

Blain wraps his arms around your waist from behind causing you to smile .

Is this okay

Yeah of course I don’t mind at all

You look over at your best-friend who is talking to blains friend smiling having a good time.

Starts playing as you and blain sway to the music you rest your head back on his chest.

Your both a little sweaty from how hot the June air is but it’s nice .

This song is so pretty you say looking back over your shoulder and up at Blaine

Yeah it is . I like the way you described it

Yeah it’s like cool but it’s just feels pretty

I get what you mean he says smiling down at you making you smile then look back up at the stage and lights

These lights are so fucking cool he says in your ear

You shudder a little from his breathe fanning your neck and his deep voice echoing through your ear

I know right it’s one of my favorite parts of a festival especially the glitter lights you say

Starts playing as you both continue fluidly swaying to the music as you look up the sky as a nice breeze blows over you .

Blaine spins you around to look at him as he grabs your waist and pulls you closer.

He’s significantly taller even on the shoes your wearing causing you to have to look up at him.

He smiles down at you as he lowers his face slowly til his mouth is at your ear.

Is playing as you feel his breathe hit your ear causing you to shiver a bit.

You are one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever seen y/n

T-thank you Blaine you say getting week in the knees a bit from how close he is to you

He lifts his face a bit as he grabs his water taking a sip .

You look over at your friend to see her dancing with his friend watching the stage.

You look back at Blaine as he smiles at you and grabs your face bringing his closer.

His lips meet yours as you close your eyes and lean into the kiss immediately kissing back .

He slips his tongue in your mouth deepening the kiss . As your making out you swallow feeling something go down your throat but write it off as your mouth being dry .

He pulls away smiling down at you .

You smile at him as you spin back around too look back at the stage

Is playing as you bop your head to the beat.

Hey I’m gonna run to the bathroom

Okay sounds good

He walks over to his friend saying he’s going to the bathroom I’m guessing he had to go to so they both walk off .

Your best-friend comes back over to you smiling wide at you

I saw that kiss giiiirl they are so hot

I know right like damn also uh my mouth is dry and I need more water

Alright want me to come with

No no stay here have fun it shouldn’t take me too long I’ll just take my phone if I need you I’ll text you

Okay just be safe

I will love you be back in a sec

Love you too

You start walking through the crowd and back down the path through the trees to the drink areas

Playing as you make you walk.

Your head starts to feel fuzzy and your eyes have a hard time focusing causing you to stumble and fall into a hard object .

Whoever they are catches you

Wow you okay

I… um I don’t know you say trying to focus your eyes as you stand back up on wobbly legs

You definitely don’t look okay I mean that in the nicest way your eyes just look really weird

Y-yeah I can’t get them to focus I’m sorry for falling into you I don’t feel so normal right now

I’m sorry to ask but um did you take something

Hell no I would never ever take drugs

Your eyes finally start to focus but your limbs still feel heavy.

Did you by any chance kiss someone the guy asks causing you too look at his face causing your eyes to get wide

Did I just fall into . CHRIS STURNIOLO.you say in your head slightly still disoriented maybe you were seeing things.

I… um why would that matter

You say as you stare at him. Nope that’s definitely Chris sturniolo.

People will put pills on their tongue then kiss someone and let it go into their mouth . Pretty much drugging someone without them knowing

WHAT THE FUCK you accidentally yell In His face

S-sorry i didn’t mean to yell in your face

No your okay . But I’m guessing from that reaction you did kiss someone

Y-yeah I did but now that I think about it I felt something weird in my throat but I thought it was just my mouth being dry . Fuck how could I be so stupid

Hey hey your not stupid people are really sneaky about it it’s not your fault

It’s my fault that I’m such a whore for kissing a random guy without even thinking twice about it you say slapping your hand on your head disappointed by yourself

He grabs your hand taking it off your head

Well he was definitely hot wasn’t he he said laughing a little

Causing you to smile and laugh

Yeah sadly he was

I’m sorry he did that too you that’s really fucked up

Yeah I know how can people do that to someone else like drugs are dangerous I don’t even know what I am on right now

You say looking into his eyes . God is he beautiful through a screen but in person GOD DAMN .

Honestly it’s probably Molly or ecstasy that’s what most people bring to festivals

Fuck me dude this is bad you say starting to freak out . The last thing you expected is to be drugged your first night at the festival then stumble upon your fucking celebrity crush who has voiced he doesn’t like drugs causing you to be even more anxious knowing that this will be the way he remembers you . The drugged out girl who ran into him and waisted his night .

Where were you headed

Ummm … water I was going to get water

Okay come with me I’ll take you to get some water but uuuh… he stops talking

But what you say a bit confused

You wanna try and throw up before it fully gets in your system?

Actually that’s a good idea

Yeah okay I’ll hold your hair back but this way the trip might not come at all or at-least not as bad

Ugh Fuck okay I’m so sorry this is probably not how you wanted your night to go

No don’t apologize you definitely didn’t want your night to end up like this

No definitely not

You slowly bend over as he holds your hair back

You try pushing your fingers down your throat to make yourself throw up but it doesn’t work your fingers didn’t get deep enough .

Fuck it’s not working you say getting anxious you won’t be able to throw it up

Fuck okay try one more time for me

Mmm okay you breathe out

You try again but all it does is make your eyes water .

Fuck I can’t get deep enough . My gag reflex is barely there in the first place you say as you stand back up him still holding onto your hair

You look up at him as he looks down at you with a face you can’t read .

Okay what if I you know stick my fingers down your throat. I know that’s weird but my fingers are longer it might be the only way to get it out of your system

Oh Jesus are you sure that’s like really nasty

I’m sure I care more about you getting it out of your system then me having to stick my fingers in your mouth

Okay fine I’m sorry again this is so embarrassing

No it’s not trust me it could be way worse

Yeah your right

You bend back over as he brings his finger to you lips . You pause . Chris fucking sturniolo your celebrity crush is literally about to stick his fingers down your throat . How is this my life right now you thought .

Sweetheart you gotta open your mouth for this to work he chuckles slightly

Oh Fuck I’m sorry

You open your mouth as he slides his fingers down your throat hitting the back causing you to cough and gag on his fingers . He pulls them out as he hears you gag more .

Jesus how did you not throw up I was touching your uvula

Fuck idk maybe go deeper as deep as you can go

open back up he says causing you to laugh

Oh come on now is not the time to have a dirty mind

Sorry I’m sorry you say still laughing a bit . You look at him his face stern as his fingers move to your lips .

You look back at the ground as you open your mouth . He shoves his fingers deeper hitting the right spot as you throw up . He pulls his fingers out and that hand moves to your back rubbing softly as you get it out of your system.

That’s it’s let it out

You have tears running down your face as you gag and cough until your finally done and everything is definitely out of your system .

Your body and hands shaking a bit as you stand up and wipe your mouth .

I’m so sorry that was so disgusting

Again with the sorry . You don’t have to apologize to me about this really it’s okay

He moves his hand to your face as he rubs the tears away with his thumbs.

You smile slightly as the sweet gesture causing him to smile at you .

What he asks looking into your eyes

Nothing your just a really sweet person

Well thanks but let’s go get you that water and maybe something to eat since you just threw up everything you had all day .

yeah im really shake right now

I can see that he says laughing a little at you

hey don't laugh at me you say feeling still a bit embarrassed by the entire interaction you guys are having.

sorry sorry but come on you can hold onto my arm if you need to stay stable

you hold onto his arm as you both walk side by side slowly to the drink area.

so what's your name

y/n

nice to meet you y/n im chris

oh uhh yeah I know

oh ... you do

yeah ive watched your YouTube videos before you say awkwardly hoping that doesn't make him uncomfortable

he pauses walking

im sorry if that makes you feel uncomfortable

no no it doesn't just uhh awkward I just stuck my fingers down a fans throat he adds an awkward chuckle after

I mean I wouldn't call myself a fan tbh just someone who stumbles upon your videos sometimes for a good laugh

I get what you mean by that to be honest

im glad you do I don't want you thinking im like a crazy mega fan

honestly I don't think a crazy fan would act so chill in this situation he says as he starts walking again pulling you along with him.

yeah true honestly they would probably stutter and cry

yeah probably

you both laugh as you finally reach the drink stand

here sit down ill grab the stuff alright

oh no I cant let you pay for my stuff

no seriously its no problem just sit down

alright

you sit down as he grabs some waters and food them comes back over to you sitting next to you at the table

here you go hopefully it will make you feel a little less sick

thank you Chris seriously

of course he says with a smile

im glad you were the person I bumped into

oh yeah and why is that

honestly no-one would have even tried to help me get it out of my system or even been nice enough to notice something was wrong

yeah I guess your right about that most people would have just kept walking

you both are sharing fries he had gotten as you just share glances here and there.

so are you here alone or with people

im here with my best friend

ahh I see why didn't she come to get water with you

I told her to stay back I thought I was fine just had a dry throat

rookie mistake huh

Maybe but I wouldn't have met you so maybe it wasn't so bad she didn't come with me

he just looked at you smiling rolling his eyes playfully

so who did you come with

nick and matt and a couple other people

oh fun honestly im a little shocked raves don't really seem like your type of crowd

I mean I guess not but a brand sent us all here for promotions of their clothes that we have to wear every night so you know we thought why not

damn that's so cool ive dreamed of coming to this rave for years

so this is your type of thing

yeah I love raves and concert their like my happy place

yeah I get that music is one of my favorite things

yeah I don't know how life would be if music didn't exist

life would suck everyday would be dull and boring

I always like to say that music brings color to the world . I don't know if that makes sense but ... you look over at him seeing he's already staring at you . his eyes are soft and the smile on his face makes your breathe catch . he's looking at you with such love it makes you nervous.

w-what did I sound dumb

no that was just ... such a beautiful way to put it. I like the way you think

oh thank you you say as your checks flush pink from his compliment

no problem

I should probably call my friend ive been gone for a while I don't want her to freak out

yeah that's probably a good idea

you call your bestfriend

Hey are you okay you've been gone for a while

yeah im okay but um are Blaine and his friend back with you

ummm yeah why

you know how we kissed earlier

girl yeah obviously he was practically eating your face

yeah well um... he had a pill in his mouth and when we kissed he put it in mine and drugged me

WHAT THE FUCK Y/N ARE YOU OKAY NEED ME TO COME FIND YOU

no no im safe actually um I ran into someone... he helped me get it out of my system and we grabbed water and food

mmm okay why did you sound so weird when you said someone

ill give you a hint okay ummmm cc

girl wtf is this Morris code how could I ever guess what ccmeans

oh my god okay guy who ive showed you before

OH CELEBRITY CRUSH

yeah bitch Jesus I feel like that was an easy guess

no it fucking wasn't

alright whatever anyways yeah that's where I am right now

so your telling me you are sitting ... with Chris sturiolo because you casually bumped into him as you slowly started tripping

yeah pretty much that's exactly what happened

you have insane luck I swear to god

I know right what are the odds

so how are you feeling as of right now

still weird my limbs are heavy my eyes keep loosing focus and my brain feels foggy

any other feelings im just trynna figure out what it could have been that he uh you know

I don't know like what do you mean

well Molly makes you insanely horny so is that a feeling your having at all

ummm I don't think so but who knows if however much made it into my system has hit yet

I feel like you'd feel that by now so we can count that out . what about like your vision you been seeing things like weird shapes and colors

nope

fuck then idk maybe it did all get out of your system fast enough

yeah maybe hopefully that's the case

yeah lets hope so ... so im guessing you puked it up

yeah his idea of course

hes smart

I know right I would be tripping balls right now if I didn't run into him so praise the lords for him

for real but omg you threw up in front of your celebrity crush

don't remind me like how embarrassing is that and that's not even the worst part dude

how could it get more embarrassing

oh idk maybe the fact that I couldn't do it myself sooo

nooo y/n tell your joking he did not

yep sure fucking did

wow just wow

yeah not so pleasant but um im gonna finish off this food hopefully ill stop shaking soon and then ill head back to you but maybe move away from Blaine and his friend I don't want so be around him at all after what he did

oh girl I already moved the second you said he drugged you im closer to the middle now by the vip area

okay ill try my best to find you ill see you in a bit

okay just please be safe and no more kissing strangers

trust me im not planning on it

alright love you just look for the big pink bubble looking thing and im right bye that

okay big pink bubble thing got it love you bye

you hang up and look back over at chris

all good with her

yep she moved spots so that will be super fun trying to find her

don't worry ill help you im actually in the vip pink bubble thing so I know exactly where that is

oh thank god

you wanna head back to the stage or are you still shaky

im still super shaky and feeling really hot actually

really it doesn't feel that hot its cooled down a bit from earlier

really

yeah it like 48 degrees right now

shit I feel like its 100 degrees

y/n look at me

what why

just look at me

you look over at him his eyes widen as he looks at you eyes

wh-what why are you looking at me like that

your pupils are blown

fuck we didn't get it out of my system fast enough

judging by your eyes and the fact you feel hot and shaky probably not

fuck me this is bad like really bad

lets get back to your friend before it really hits and shit hits the fan

okay good idea

you both get up and start your walk back to the stage and crowd

as your walking back you start to stumble as your vision blurs

shit y/n you good

mmm y-yeah just my vision is a little blurry right now

come here he says as he pulls you closer

fuck your skin feels really hot

yeah tell me about it

he spins you around to face him .

you look up at him as his eyes move around your face with a slightly worried expression.

he moves his hands to your waist holding you tightly as you slightly started to lean back on uneven legs

you look into his eyes. Then study his facial features and the feel of his hands on your waist as your mind goes back to his fingers shoved in your mouth.

A wave of butterflies goes through your stomach as waves of heat flood your lower half.

fuck . I think it was definitely Molly .You thought as you started to feel the effects

why are you looking at me like that

like what you slur out

like you wanna eat me alive

w-what I wasn't

yes you were

im sorry I didn't mean to I just ummm I think its kicking in

what are you feeling

trust me you don't want to know

yeah I do he says as he brings his face closer to yours.

your breathing gets heavier .

lets just say .. it was definitely molly

oh ... OH uhhh well then

like I said you didn't wanna know

well at least now we know what type of trip your having .What type of asshole gives a girl Molly at a rave

I don't know but we all know what Molly does to people maybe he was trying to get me hot and bothered but that's fucked up . why give a girl drugs for that

there's definitely easier ways to get that effect that drugging a girl

Yeah like his tattoos were working well enough he could have I don’t know said things in my ear waited until the festival ended tonight and asked me to come back to his place

That is true I just don’t get guys like him

Me neither

You think your good to keep walking

Yep let’s just take it nice and slow my vision is crazy right now especially with the lights

Yeah your pupils are dilated as fuck probably making your sight super sensitive

Yeah your probability right you move to his side as he keeps an arm around your shoulder now keeping you close just incase you stumble again

Your mind wanders back to him holding your hair with his fingers down your throat as he spoke sweetly to you to let it out. Even though the actions were to help you puke your guts up . They were so dirty when you forgot about that detail .

What you thinking about he asks looking down at you smiling

Oh ummm nothing

No that pretty little mind was wandering I could tell by the smirk on your face

I wasn’t thinking was just looking ahead at the lights you try to play it off hoping he’d drop it . The last thing you want is to have to explain to him that the Molly is making your mind wander to his fingers in your mouth making you horny as a mother fucker.

Your lying to me right now

What Chris no I’m not just drop it

I’ll drop it for now but we’ll circle back later

You sigh and roll your eyes at him and you finally reach the crowd as the music is loud as ever and the lights are going crazy.

Was playing causing you to smile and look up at Chris

What you smiling for

I love this song

Yeah it’s pretty good

So where is this pink bubble bitch

Woah why are you calling me a bitch

No not you I wasn’t calling you a bitch I’m sorry

Your fine I’m only joking but it’s this way he says pulling you to the left

You start walking with him your limbs finally starting to move normally even though they still feel fuzzy.

Hey you stopped shaking and your skin isn’t as hot

Yeah but uhh all the other effects are still very much here

Mmm should I let go is that making it worse

No no your good I just gotta keep my mind on other things

Alright then he chuckles

Sorry that probably sounded weird I promise I wasn’t saying your hand on my waist was making me uh you know just uh

Your fine but you know if it was I would not be offended he says smirking down at you

Oh shut up you say smiling and playfully showing him a bit

I’m kidding he says making you look at him with a “you sure about that” expression

Okay maybe I wasn’t kidding but what were you smirking about earlier

Nope not telling you it’s gonna make this weird

Now you have to tell me that made me even more curious

Chrisss come on it’s to weird for me to say

I promise I won’t judge just tell me and we can blame it on the drugs if it’s that bad

Fuck ok fine I was… thinking about you having your fingers down my throat . You quietly said the last part from how weird it felt saying it out loud

Sorry what I couldn’t here you

I was thinking about your fingers down my throat okay there I said it . You cringed after saying it .

You look up at him as he stopped walking

I made it weird didn’t I

No you didn’t actually hate to say it but it was kinda hot even though you know the reason I did it wasn’t hot

Oh … well glad I’m not the only one

Mmm yeah come on let’s keep walking

So where are you and your friend staying

We’re staying at a house about a 10 minute walk from the gates

Wait you guys walked here he asks kinda shocked

Yeah it would have been an hour if we tried to drive or even get an Uber

Yeah I guess one luxury of being here with a brand is early access and they provide cars to take us . But how are your feet not killing you in those boots

Oh trust me they are . But I’m thuggin it out . And the drugs are making my limbs so tingly I can’t really feel my feet hurting so there’s that

Well I guess that’s one good outcome

Yeah I guess. Where are you guys staying

Oh a bigger house about 15 minutes out the neighborhood is cool . It’s got a cool fountain in the middle

Wait … a blue fountain

y-yeah

I think we’re in the same neighborhood then

What are the odds

Right crazy huh . Maybe this was fate you say laughing obviously joking

I don’t know maybe your right he says seriously

You look up at him a little dumbfounded by the sincerity in his voice

He looks down at you smiling giving you a small wink causing you to smile

Your eyes look crazy right now

Yeah I feel like I’m seeing everything through bright lenses right now

What is your friend wearing we’re getting close to the bubble maybe I can spot her

A white top with a long ish white skirt and like cool Pearl looking things all over it and her waist

Okay hum.. wait right there is that her

You follow where is hand is pointing .

Yes yeah that’s her

You both walk up to her

Hey bitch you yell as your approach her

Oh my god y/n how are you doing … oh god your eyes

Yeah yeah I know

And you must be the guy who helped her out thank you for taking care of her that’s was very kind of you

You looked at him smiling as he spoke

It was my pleasure you know she isn’t so bad

Haha funny but really Chris thank you . You were more than kind

Of course he says looking down at you smiling

your brothers are probably wandering where you are I know you should probably get back to them

oh I mean I was thinking of actually having them come to us ... unless you want me to leave

no no I wouldnt mind at all if you stayed

good cause to be honest I didn't want to

you both smiled at each other for what felt like hours but was only a minute

let me call them real quick

he calls them and tells them a small part of the story and for them to come meet up with us.

after a couple minutes you hear a couple voices coming from behind you .

you turn to see matt and nick walking up to Chris beside you

Yo Chris

Chris turns around

hey guys sorry I was gone for so long

hey it was for a good reason so its okay

facts well this is y/n and her friend ybf/n he gestures to you both

they look at you smiling you give a small wave and a smile saying hi

wow your outfits are amazing

aww thank you you look great the distressed looks on you and matt your mesh shirt is so cool

thank you they both same at the same time making you laugh a bit

so how you feeling Chris told us a bit about what happened

I feel okay I mean my eye sight is crazy right now but other than that im feeling better than before

that's good im glad you ran into Chris instead of someone else

was that a compliment orrrr

im just saying that out of all the people she could have fallen upon in her situation im glad it was you because you know we don't do drugs or drink so you were fully in your right mind unlike most people here

that is true

yeah I get what your saying

so what even happened with the guy that did this to you

uh I don't know ... ybf/n what did happen with them

oh dumb and dummer are probably still standing where I left them thinking were coming back to hang with them

damn poor guys how embarrassing for them

they can stand there all night for all I care

trust me if catch even a glimpse of the guy ill get violent

oh yeah what are you gonna do beat up a super muscular 6'5 man it came out a bit more sassy then you meant it causing matt and nick to look at you in shock and Chris to glare down at you

I-im sorry that came out more rude then I meant it

no its okay but yeah I would at least try and beat his ass

I wouldn't let you risk ruining that pretty face over him he's not worth the effort you say smiling at him

he smiles at you .

pretty face huh?

okay Christopher shut up

you all laugh as you guys stand around listening to the music playing .

you watch the light beams move around with the different tempos and bass drops

you decide to lean your head on chris's shoulder not even thinking about it.

he looks down at you smiling admiring the way you feel leaning against him and how fascinated you look by the show going on in-front of you all

don't you worry child started playing as you started to feel rain droplets fall on your skin.

it was about 2 am and you had forgotten there was a chance of rain but it made the experience so much better

I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG

DUDE SAME

BRINGS ME BACK TO CHILDHOOD

ITS SUCH A GOOD SONG

everyone in the crowd is singing along it sounds so beautiful as the crowds voices blend together as the rain pours down.

the rain feels amazing

yeah ...oh god

he says looking at your face

w-what what's wrong you say scared something is wrong

no sorry just your mascara is running everywhere

oh fuck is it bad

kinda but here he says bringing his black shirt up to your face wiping at your face where the mascara had bled down

you hear an awww come from your left

you look over at nick who's smiling

sorry that was just cute i've never seen Chris act like this in-front of us

don't get used to it I wouldn't ruin my shirt for just anybody Chris says to nick . that brought a smile to your face . was he saying you were special. or Maybe you were just reading into it.

after about thirty minutes it was the end of the first night of the festival

god that was amazing I cant wait for tomorrow

I know right but we should start our walk back to the house

why don't we walk with you guys since were staying in the same neighborhood

yeah sure why not you say looking up at him smiling.

hey guys were gonna walk home since were all in the same neighborhood and Ubers are gonna take forever he says to his brothers

sounds good to me

how long is the walk

about like 10 minutes

oh that's not bad at all

yeah not too bad

you all start making your way through the wood path and out the gates starting your walk to the air bnb

after about two minutes your feet start to hurt really bad you really start to regret your shoes choices.

fuck dude my feet are on fire

those shoes are so cute but they don't look comfortable at all

yeah im fully regretting my choice of choosing them

Chris turns to you.

just hop on my back I got you

chris hahah no ill just take them off

and risk stepping on glass now way ...get on my back he says more in a demanding tone

chris no im too heavy ill just thug it out

he grabs you and throws you over his shoulder

too heavy my ass he says in a hushed sharp tone

everyone continues walking

chris come on put me down

nope

you smack his back repeatedly

calm down were almost to the neighborhood

ughhhh you groan out as you go limp knowing he's definitely not putting you down

you see matt take a video laughing

your arms just swinging is so funny oh my god

nick laughs as you flick them off jokingly

making them laugh harder

all the sudden chris sets you down as he sees your best friend start to walk up the drive way to malls house .

y'all go a head ill catch up.

mmmkayyy nick says as they start heading to their house.

so...

sooo...

would it be weird if I umm asked you to come back to ours for the night

i... ummm no not weird just uhhh

If you don't like me like that I get it he says a bit hurt but still smiling

no...no chris not that I was just gonna say I need to get these fucking shoes off and change

oh okay cool ill wait for you then

alright well come in for a bit it might take me a second

alright he says as he follows you up to the front door as you open it and let him in

make your self comfortable ill be as quick as I can

no no take your time no rush

he says taking a seat on the couch as you head up the stairs to your room.

you get your shoes off thank fucking god and then go and find some pajamas to throw on . The only thing is you only sleep in t shirts and underwear so you have no pants to wear.

welp...thats gonna be awkward you say as you head into the bathroom your best friend is in there taking off her makeup.

hey girl what's up

oh you know just getting ready ... to spend the night with chris

she turns jaw dropped at you

whattttt... he asked you to go back with him

yeeeep

damn girl... okayyy get it

like im excited but also... im gonna spend the fucking night with my celebrity crush what is this life dude

I don't know but I cant wait to hear about it tomorrow

she heads to bed since its around 3 am.

you finish taking off your makeup , change and do your skincare.

you go to your best friends room planning to ask her if she has shorts you can borrow for the night.

hey ybf/n

she's already knocked out .

fuck me is all you can think . you go to the drawers where she had unpacked her stuff and sorted through to see if she had any shorts and to your luck . she didn't.

fucking great you whisper to yourself as you go to your room grabbing some socks and slippers putting them on then grabbing your phone charger.

you slowly walk down the stairs trying to keep you shirt from riding up.

hey sorry it took me a while

no your good you ready

ummm yeah

he turns to look at you smiling as he looks you up and down .

you sure you didn't sound like you were

no yeah im ready I just um... I only sleep in a t-shirt and underwear so I have no pants to put on

no worries you can always borrow some sweats if you want

oh alright that sounds good

you say as you walk to the door opening it letting him out first then using your key to lock the front door.

you follow him as he walks further down the road.

hey you look really pretty without makeup on

you smile up at him.

t-thank you

of course he says as he throws his arm over your shoulder keeping you close to his side as you continue walking.

so you wanna watch a movie or something or are you really tired

we can definitely watch a movie I just cant promise ill stay awake the whole time

fair but sounds good to me

you reach a really pretty house and he walks up the drive way to the front door, he opens it and waves you to walk in and you do.

alright were gonna be on the third floor he says as he starts walking up the long spiral staircase .

you follow after him once you reach the third floor it opens up to a big room . it was definitely a renovated attic.

Chris walks over to the bed setting his phone down.

come sit down make your self comfortable i'm gonna run to the bathroom but here's my computer you can pull up Netflix, Hulu or prime video and pick anything. ill be back in a second

okay sounds good you say as you sit down and and type in prime video and start looking through for a movie.

You decide to put on The Visit since it looked good and waited for chris to come back.

the door opens and you look up thinking it was chris but it was matt.

oh hey y/n chris told me to bring these to you he says handing you sweatpants.

oh thank you you say getting up and taking them then slipping them on

they are freshly clean so be happy about that

you laugh lightly at that .

so you guys uhh seem to be getting along really well

yeah I don't think i've ever gotten this close with someone in one night

he hasn't brought a girl home since like uhhh honestly I don't know if he ever has so you must be special

oh god don't feed my delusions matt he's just being nice

nice... no he definitely likes you

you blush at that and you smile at him .

well thank you matt

no problem . im going to bed but tell chris I said good night when he gets back in here

I will goodnight

see you in the morning he says before heading out the door and back down the stairs.

after about 5 more minutes chris comes back up shirtless and in sweatpants hanging dangerously low showing his black Calvins band

you cant help but stair he's so attractive . but god his broad shoulders and collar bones have you drooling . His v-line though god that makes you clench your thighs together as unholy thoughts run through your head.

you good he asks with a smirk letting out a small chuckle.

y-yeah sorry

no need to apologize sweetheart he says as he walks over to get into the bed next to you

he settles into a comfortable position as you sit awkwardly on the opposite side of the bed

he looks over at you smiling.

come here he says as he puts his arm out and pats his side encouraging you to cuddle into him

you smile as you scoot into him and he puts his arm around your chest rubbing your right arm softly.

so what movie did you decide on

the visit

alright what genera is it

horror

oh god okay he says making you laugh

you don't like scary movies do you

they are not my favorite but its okay . it cant be that scary right?

nahhhh we'll be fine you say as you click play

after about 30 minutes into the movie you cuddle into chris a little more since the movie was scarier than expected. He holds you close since he's also creeped the fuck out.

it gets to a scene that is super scary causing you to hide your face in his chest as he hides his face in your hair.

after that scene was done chris looked down at you.

hey uhhh this movie is really scary can we stop watching it

yeah agreed turn this shit off

he immediately exits out of the movie and closes his lap top.

he puts it on the floor as you slide down the pillow to get more comfortable.

what should we do now he says turning towards you

uhhhhh I don't know

alriiight ummmm you hungry at all ...thirsty anything

actually I am kinda thirsty yeah

time to raid the kitchen come on he says pulling you out of the bed.

you both make your way down to the kitchen as he turns on the lights blinding the both of you.

Jesus Christ its so bright

he flips the lights back off and turns his phone flashlight on instead .

okay whatchu want we got dr.pepper, water, sweet tea, Pepsi, cherry coke uhhh

ill take a dr.pepper

coming right up he says before grabbing one from the fridge and bringing it to you

thank you

he cracks open his Pepsi as he turns to you smiling .

of course

you smile back and he maintains eye contact as he takes a sip of his drink.

you take a sip of yours then break eye contact.

wanna head back up to the room

yeah sure

he takes your hand as you walk back up the stairs back into his room.

he closes the door and you go to set your drink down on the bedside table and crawl back onto the bed.

he sets his drink down and lays back down on the bed getting comfy under the covers.

god they need to add a fan in here it so hot

yeah it really is

do you mind if I take the sweats off

no not at all get comfortable

you slip the pants off and throw them on the floor .

you look over at him seeing him looking at you with a small smirk

why are you looking at me like that

like what

like your scheming I can see it in your eyes

no no I was just admiring you

oh really? you say in a teasing tone

yeah your just so beautiful inside and out

you blush bringing your hands to your face.

stooop

he brings his hands to yours pulling them off your face

I mean it you really are beautiful

thank you chris you say as he leans closer to you

your breathe catches and he leans into your ear .

his breathe fanning your neck making you shiver

I really wanna kiss you right now

I would be okay with that you say

he comes up from your ear and leans down kissing you .

it was a sweet but hungry kiss.

he moved his hands to your sides pulling you closer and pulling your leg over his side as he caress your thigh causing you to let out a soft moan into his mouth .

he smiles into the kiss then pulls away his face still close to yours

you tired

eh not really you say smiling

good cause im about to do so many things to you he says as he brings his mouth down to your neck .

PART 2 COMING SOON ....

💋

[iratusmus]

so bizarre to me when people give fiona a redemption arc like making her evil wasnt literally like the fundamental core of making her an actually interesting character. like . ok actually i was mostly planning on just leaving the post as this but im going to make a proper post whining about this because ive seen it far too often for my liking.

it appears to me that a lot of people do this because they dislike fiona/scourge which is like. sure i get it. but you could literally just... break them up . and have her continue being awful on her own. like scourge is not the reason she switched sides and i find the idea. 1) a bit misogynistic frankly but thats more of a personal gripe than anything else like god forbid a woman make bad choices of her own volition and not because a man forced her hand into doing it (YES i am aware that abuse makes this more complicated than that but also we .... already have a relationship in archie sonic that fits this exact bill. yes it wasnt written well but the wonder of fan works is that you can always make it better. so why are we repeating it again 1:1) and 2) demeaning to the point of her character.

like. ok. lets go over the facts real quick. as a kid fiona got put in robotnik's salt mines and got accidentally left behind bc sonic & co couldnt find her. she realized that nobody was going make the effort to go save her, so she dug herself out and started life on the run as a treasure hunter/thief. she didnt ever really accept the fact that sonic and mighty not saving her wasnt really their fault, and even after becoming a freedom fighter, nobody ever said anything or apologized or said "hey wow that kind of sucks you went through all that". she never really made any actual friends within the ff or formed any meaningful bonds. she starts dating sonic, but its pretty clear that the only reason they're dating is that she's his rebound post The Slap. the moment her history with bean & bark came up - after she used that knowledge to save everybody - sally immediately turns on her and sonic is the only person to try to stick up for her. as bark and bean leave, bean also insinuates that fiona isnt really a freedom fighter, and that she's still basically one of them.

fiona is a "bad" trauma survivor. when i say "bad" i mean in opposition to the ideal tumblr trauma survivor - the sad poor uwu bean whose trauma only inclines them hurt themselves and they become more sympathetic kind etc. as a result. fiona, on the other hand, blames sonic (whose fault this is, frankly, not) for her experiences, and becomes more jaded and mean. she has no real support system and people repeatedly tell her that she hasnt changed and that she wont change and she cant change. shes already got all this baggage by the time her relationship with scourge starts carrying actual weight - he's offering her a way out. if none of them are ever going to really accept her being "good", then she might as well just give into her worst impulses and join hands with scourge, who, notably, has no stake in this - he doesnt have any obligation to be her friend like the freedom fighters, and more than that he likes her specifically because of the part of her that everybody else hates. the important part here is that he encouraged her to switch sides, he didnt make her switch sides.

id say fiona's character in a writing sense is an exploration of the failings of the freedom fighters to support a trauma victim, and how those failings, while unintentional, lead that victim to specifically turn against them. she says "ok actually screw all of you guys" and gives up on trying to be good because nobody ever gave her any real encouragement and decides to put herself on a path of self-destructive revenge and inflicting her misery onto the general population. we can also recall at this point that this motivation is entirely removed from scourge and you can literally break them up and still keep her evil.

the other important point here is that she purposefully chose that path of turning evil as opposed to leaving the freedom fighters or going somewhere else or like literally doing anything else. she literally could have just left but she did not and thats what makes her Interesting. prompted by her unhealed trauma and personal baggage she made those bad choices for herself, and frankly i cannot for the life of me understand why people think that walking back that character development (and yes i mean character development. character development can also mean getting worse) for ..... what. snarky but with a heart of gold generic protagonist girl? come on guys

[massiveladycat]

second thoughts about bloodmarked

hey! you can see the first rant in like my blog. but i just had a thought. considering my first small rant was talking about yk ahaha the whole love plot thing i'm PRAYING that is like a 'haha sike' from tracy and the series makes a comeback, i'm just gonna talk about things OTHER than the love triangle that gets on my last nerve! reminder: you don't have to read allat, and this is jst my thoughts and i'd love to hear yours in the reblogs! TW: rape mentioned, racism mentioned (if any of these trigger you, PLEASE do not read further!) it kind of bothered me that every interaction that bree had with another black person all felt very business like interactions... the last part of the book to be wrapped up in the ROOT (get it) of bree's character, her ancestry, she felt a little distant from it and other black people and root users yk?? and then we get bree complaining how vera fucked over all her descendants (i will be talking abt this. this ESPECIALLY gets me bothered) and something about it rubbed me the wrong way also just mentioning something i find funny when bree like absolutely WRECKED alice. why did she suplex homegirl like this. hit her with the ddt. the rock bottom. stone cold stunned her ass.  wwe wrestler bree is so real LMFAO. going on with my rant what finally pissed me off so much that i thought "if i throw this book im justisfied" is when Vera, a fucking desperate enslaved person trying to keep her family safe is made subject to the vitriol of a bratty teenage girl. let's run back vera's plot. vera was raped by a scion of arthur, and became pregnant with her child. this was during the years where slavery was okay and you could treat people like shit depending on the color of their skin. vera had to run because she was being hunted down because the order thought "uh uh! our next scion of arthur CANT be black" and vera ended up making a deal (a deal tht i forgot) to protect her family. i'm pretty sure something ended up hunting down every one of vera's descendants slowly but surely, and bree was mad that her ancestor had gone through so much that she sits there in the farm where vera was RAPED and calls all her ancestors over there, yells at them until she gets to vera. and then she rants and tells her to get lost and insults her all bc bree is really mad ! okay, bree, girl, i would be mad too if a demon was hunting me down. what i would not do is take it out on a desperate slaved ancestor in the spot where a lot of her trauma took place. wtf bree? okay btw wondering if tracy even likes nick? at all? is she like deciding ''should i fuck him up or should i leave him be.'' he was actually nice to bree from the start while sel showed red flags of being racist af. he loves bree, wants to protect her, makes decisions because he's thinking of her and sometimes hes flawed and thats okay! nobody's perfect! and he LISTENS to her. in legendborn nick thought bree had cheated on him with sel. seeing him like so distraught made ME freak out. like girl if you don't fix this... and then Bloodmarked pulled him aside, and benched him. bree and sel are kissing in a forest of fireflies while nick is running for his life from his parents and a merlin. he deserved better than to be freaking cheated on when he thinks he's abt to die like every moment. when he is literally a HOSTAGE of the man who was supposed to protect him (his father) and a freaking merlin people talking about ''hey!! lancelot betrayed arthur!! nick could betray bree!! coincidence?? i think NOT!!" no. bree betrayed nick. i love you bree but get it together and please admit to nick you cheated on him and kissed sel repeatedly while he was a hostage. and he BETTER not be happy abt it. nobody's happy after getting cheated on and nobody's quick to forgive after being cheated on. all in all:

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

A while ago I had a very lovely conversation with @feyres-divorce-lawyer about Tamlin and the way his stans treat him and Feylin and Ive been having a lot of thoughts about that. Essentially, we talked about how Tamlin stans will often claim to be 'better' in some way than Rhysand stans because they dont excuse all of their faves actions but I mean, do they? like actually? I dont mean to generalize because I have seen people who actually dont excuse his actions, but theres an awful lot of people who have posted some variantion of "well, atleast i dont excuse tamlins actions 😊" when they have either previously posted or will go on to post some variantion of "ugh I cant believe feyre would break up with a man who did nothing but upset her, when he was trying so hard and struggling and his actions werent even that bad" or worse, some variation of "feyre's sooooo stupid, if some handsome fae lord wanted me to just wear beautiful dresses and be his pretty little wifeling I would do as he says 😍😍" like hey dawg, I hate to tell you this but thats just straightup misogyny. You can indulge in your fantasies of being a rich magical victorian guy's tradfwife without implying that other women are stupid for not wanting that. Also if you think that and also complain about acomaf and feysand being bad because its just a self-indulgent billionaire's wife fantasy, please consider that you basically want the same thing but with a different aesthetic. Which isnt bad in it of itself obviously, I just find this kind of hypocrisy very annoying

The way I see it, theres a couple reasons why the (positive) discourse around Tamlin is like this:

Tamlin stans get harassed for liking him or even just debunking blatantly false claims from Rhysand stans (such as the claim that Tamlin said Feyre looked better when she lost weight while Rhysand said she looked better when she gained weight which seems oddly persistant, even though I dont think Tamlin ever commented on her weight in acotar, and Im pretty sure that he only commented on how thin she was in acomaf in the context of how bad she looked), so they get very defensive about him, which is understandable

Tamlin is out of character in acomaf which leads a lot of people to dismiss his actions that upset Feyre because "acotar!Tamlin wouldnt do that though!" and like, thats true and I get it but it doesnt really matter when we're talking about their relationship and Feyre's decision to leave him from an in-universe perspective. Like, imagine if someone in your life opened up about how their previously wonderful partner started to exhibit some abusive behaviours and you were like "nooooo theyre just being out of character right now, its fine, you should stay with him". And obviously its different when its real people vs fictional characters, but my point here is that its nonsensical to earnestly engage with this relationship from and in-universe standpoint only to then use an out-of-universe thing that doesnt actually factor into their relationship to explain why it fell apart

Tamlin is less bad than Rhysand, even in acomaf, and excuses for his behaviour sound less ridiculous to people who think more critically about these books, which most Tamlin stans do; "he locked her up in his manor, but only because she was going to get herself in real danger" sounds a lot less ridiculous than "he sexually assaulted her for months on end, but only in order to protect her from drawing Amarantha's attention (when she wasnt even paying attention to her in the first place)", but again, Feyre is still allowed to be upset by that. I feel like theres this line of thinking among certain Tamlin stans where theyre like "yeah, tamlin locked feyre up in the manor and it rightfully upset her, but later on in the series rhysand locked her in a magical shield that prevented her from having any physical interacting with the outside world and she was fine with it, so she shouldve been fine with whattamlin did" and its like no!! If we're using real-world standards, which I understand we are from acomaf onward, then Feyre does not need any kind of justification for breaking up with someone. Tamlin couldve been the most wonderful and perfect and non-traumatized boyfriend ever and it wouldve been perfectly fine for her to be like "hey man, im not really vibing with this" and leave

And this I think is the most important thing because its what the two previous points ultimately stem from; they buy into the foundation of the narrative that these books present, which is that Feyre needs a man in her life, she needs to pick one of these two toxic guys or else her life isnt complete and she wont ever recover from her trauma, she needs good sex and romantic love in order to stop being broken. And I get it, you do need to buy into the narrative in order to properly engage with it, but whats the point of being critical of the misogyny in these books if youre not going to take a step back and realize when youre just accepting it?

And this is where I would have to start getting into the misogynistic baggage thats attached to mainstream romance as a genre and how trying to do all those typical steamy m/f romance tropes (the MOST dominant man, sexually inexperienced fmc, dubcon/noncon, rough sex, etc etc) while also trying to be feminist is setting yourself up for failure as an author, and setting your audience up for failure when they discuss your work, but Im getting tired and this is a pretty long post so Im gonna stop here. If you are interested in my further thoughts on this, idk maybe send me an ask and I'll get back to it. For now, I'll say that I dont think its impossible to write an m/f romance thats feminist, but know for a fact that its impossible for SJM

[sunset-bridge]

gorbo thoughts (the real)

if you saw the other ones no you didnt. its just i realized i forgot some Important things so my brain readjusted. i hope no one really saw the other ones or. if you did Erase them from your memory pretty please?

like. ok im certain he Does know from the start ( i. think?) that protag is joker, since he had already heard mona in the metaverse by then. i wasnt certain if you had to actually hear him or if just entering the metaverse was enough, but yeah you have to hear him; sae , despite having entered the metaverse, still cant understand mona since she never actually got to hear him there. anyways

but like. ok its so. funny and also Bad for me. can you imagine. hey going with the plan of. haha im gonna get this guy sooo bad. heheheh im gonnnnna. get him!!! and then like. ah shit im actually having fun but im gonna have to kill this guy a few months later. well.

like. "hehhe yeah im gonna get this guys trust by hanging out with him a bit and pretending to be a nice friend : ) its ok im super good at this i wont even get attached i completely control every single neuron in my brain NOPE i wont enjoy this because im always self aware. all the time forever" <---- the clueless

god with goro being the type of person to crave attention and . you know that he wants to feel needed or wanted around. hmm. i too would start to have a normal amount of fun later like. eheh. this guy likes hearing me blabber about stuff : ) ahah this is kinda cool i can just say whatever i want lol.. WAIT FUCK!!. like. ofc hes aware hes the Enemy but that doesnt stop you from having fun in the moment and then being like. SHIT !! like. you cant fucking control liking someones company like that lol. do you guys get what im saying. shaking you. mfw i need to be evil and shit but FUCK im still just human and have human emotions and shit

also. its. really funny to me. the. fucking traumadumping like. did he. was he trying to like. appear even more genuine to fool joker even more. but failed in the process and just. actaully Talked about Real Things instead. BECAUSE guys when i was playing. i sincerely thought "hey i wonder if any of these things hes saying about his past are even real lol.." LIKE I THOUGHT he would like. yknow make something up? but. nope. he just. he just used his Real Lore. hello goro?

but like

tbh understandable. i cant imagine he had many people he could share stuff about his life with; hell , not even shido, since he couldnt know about goro's mother and what not. and other people, way too risky. they could make rumors about the detective prince

guy was just waiting for an opportunity to drop that on someone BHSGHSGHKF

quoting my beautiful friend sage: like his brain probably abandoned the plan as soon as he started talking bc he didn't realise how much he needed to get it off his chest. and then he like "fuck he knows too much about me now. he needs to die".

boyloser. mfw i try to gaslight my silly rival into trusting me by acting genuine but at some point i start being Too Real

^^ this is it . like. yeah ok goro you can pretend to be cold and cool but. idk man this shit would eat anyone away. i would Want to tell it to at least Someone at some point you know.

honestly this is on shido for trying to use a traumatized 18 year old as a spy hitman. an 18 year old who wants to be needed by anyone even. like cmon. honestly skill issue. like cmon man

anyways. im. normal about it. ahah can you imagine that your only slightly real friend is the guy you have to kill a bit later. like. the only time you can be somewhat genuine is with your fucking archnemesis rival . man. and even then its like. im a guy hiding under 37 layers of irony but hey this other guy (also hiding under 37 layers of irony) is kinda cool fr.. . ggggggggggg

[fangirlstorycreator]

Terry CK X Reader

Context: You go through a bad time, and Terry is there to be your support 💚💚💚

Everything was getting so much for you. Your boyfriend was now your ex, after finding him in bed with your friend. You were being bullied and put down all the time at work. You barely had any money, just enough for bills and food. You had no family, and no time to even relax or do anything that might cheer you up. You felt so down, so alone most of the time, and spent most of your evenings fighting back tears and trying to distract yourself from the pain of real life. The only thing that seemed to give you something to fight for, was fighting. You had been learning karate at the dojo for months now, and it was helping you cope with everything, distracting you, keeping your mind and body busy.

Your sensei who taught you was a very kind man to you. He was a strict teacher with the students, but strangely, not you. Terry could see a potential career in karate for me, and no matter how much I struggled or felt like I was doing something wrong, he was there to reassure me that I was his best student, and that all I had to do was take a breath and try again. You had even offered to stay after lessons many times to help tidy up the dojo and help put equipment away, and Terry was always happy for some company. After many months, you could consider Terry to be your closest, and pretty much, only friend and support. But he didnt know how much you were struggling. You kept it bottled up and didnt tell him that anything was wrong. But you couldn't keep this lie up for long.

You hadn't gone to the last two lessons because you felt so upset about everything lately, and this evening you had decided to try and drown out the pain instead of staying at home. You end up in your local bar and you order a drink, hoping that it may sooth you. You were only on your second drink, still feeling the sadness of everything, when a random guy decides to sit on the barstool next to you. "Hey there good looking" "I'm not in the mood. Go away" The last thing you want is some idiot trying it on with you. "Oh come on baby dont be like that. Why dont I buy you a drink, to loosen you up?" "My answer is no, now leave me alone" "How about we-" "Just f#ck off! Dont you understand what no means? Get away from me"

He chuckles and smirks and is about to rest his hand on your shoulder, when out of nowhere his wrist is grabbed away from you and is pulled back by a much bigger and stronger hand. "Hey man, what's your deal?" You turn around to see who is holding him away from you, and your very surprised to see Terry. "The lady said no. And you should respect that" "Terry?" "Hello sweetheart" Your surprised, but happy to see him, the guy looks between you both. "Hey old man, shes coming home with me, so get off my hand and let me get back to my business" "I'm afraid that's not going to happen" Terry twists the man's wrist, pinning his arm behind his back and making him stand up. He then leads him away from the bar stools and throws him onto the floor. "Hey! What's your problem?!" "I dont take kindly to people trying to force themselves onto people I care about, so do as the lady says, and f#ck off"

He stands back up and brushes himself off, before storming out of the bar, then Terry takes a seat next to you. "There are so many assholes out there, they really don't understand how to treat a woman" "You got that right....thank you" "Your welcome....so what's going on Y/N?" "What do you mean?" "Y/N I haven't seen you in a week, your sat in a bar, drinking on your own, and you look like your carrying the world on your shoulders. Not to mention that your eyes look like their hiding a waterfall of tears. What's wrong?" You sigh and hang you head low. "I cant Terry" "Y/N it's me, you can trust me. What ever it is your struggling with, I can help. Even if you just need someone to listen to you" "Terry.....I cant. Because if I let go I.....I may not be able to stop...and the last thing I need is to be a dribbling wreck who cant stop crying into her drink" He rests his hand on your shoulder in a comforting way.

"Why dont you come to my home with me? I'm guessing you dont want to go back to your flat? And if you still need a drink, I have a collection of many fine wines. Y/N I have missed you, and I hate to see you like this. I want to help you feel better, weather its having a shoulder to cry on or needing someone to listen to your issues, please, I want to be there for you" Your heart flutters a little, knowing that at least someone what's to be around you. Giving him a week smile and nodding at him, he smiles back and puts his arms around your shoulder, leading you out of the bar. His car is a short walk away from the bar and it's a little cold outside. And being the sweet man he is, he takes off his jacket and puts it over your shoulders, resting his arm on you again. "Thank you Terry" "No problem sweetheart" He opens the car door for you and drives you back to his house, and once you both arrive, you see Terry's house for the first time. It's so large and looks lovely.

He opens the front door for you and let's you in first. His house is beautiful, there is a living room in front of you with two large black sofas and a lit fire, you hear Terry close the door behind you and you hand him his jacket. "Welcome to my home Y/N, what do you think?" "Its lovely Terry, I wish i could afford a place as nice as this" "I'm glad you like it. Could I...get you something to drink?" "What do you have?" "I have many red and white wines, scotch's and fine liqueurs" "Ummm? Maybe a white wine? Please?" "Of course, please take a seat by the fire" You sit down on one of the large black sofas, and it's so comfortable. Its larger and softer than you bed at home, you cant get over how amazing Terry's house is. He carrys over two glasses and a bottle of white wine, takes a seat next to you and pops the cork on the wine with a loud pop. Smiling warmly, he pours put the wine and you both take a glass. "Cheers sweetheart" "Cheers" Clinging your glasses, you take a sip and you cant belive the flavour of this wine. "Wow Terry, that's lovely" "Thank you, it's one of my favourite aged wines, and your the only guest I have shared this with" "Well thank you, I'm glad you did"

You both take another sip before Terry starts the conversation. "So Y/N, do you want to talk about what happend tonight?" "That guy was just an asshole that's all" "But thats not the reason you were in the bar on your own. Why were you drinking on your own? And why haven't you been to the dojo recently? I've missed you" "I didnt really feel up for karate Terry. Everything lately has just....its just been..." You can feel the tears build already, and Terry puts his wine down, instantly sitting by your side. "Its ok Y/N, your not in the bar now. Anything you need to release, or cry out, you can do it. Your safe hear" And that was enough for you, the tears fall and you start to cry out all the pain, anger and frustration you had held back for so long. You hide your face in your hands and you can feel the tears fall through your fingers, all the while, Terry is stroking down your back and letting you cry out what you need to. Your doing that for a few minutes before you finaly manage to take a breath and steady yourself, just having someone there at your side made a diffrence.

"Did that feel better? Letting it all out?" "Yeh it...it did" You still feel a little shaky, and Terry brings his hand up to your face, wiping a few tears away from you cheek. "I hate to see you like this sweetheart, what made you feel this way?" "Well...I just feel like I'm failing. My boss is always on my back, making me feel small, calling me a useless waist of space" "He seriously said that! If I get my hands on him- sorry, sorry i interrupted you. Please carry on" "So work is a struggle, and it doesn't even pay me well. I work harder and longer than anyone else there and yet I make just enough money for rent, bills and food if I'm lucky. And to top it all off, I walked in on my boyfriend f#cking my friend. He didnt even care....I hate their guts...and that's why you found me in that bar" Terry has a war of diffrent emotions on his face, and it looks like he cant make heads or tails of what he wants to say next. Y/N I'm, I'm so sorry you had to go though that. Still going though it for that matter! I hate to see you in so much pain, how come you didnt say anything to me?"

"I didnt want to be a burden Terry. And I thought that if I told you about my problems that you would think of me as...I dont know, pathetic? Crazy? Being a cry baby" He just gives you a sweet hug, holding you close to him. And when you both pull away, he looks deep into your eyes with a serious expression. "Y/N, I would never, ever think of you in that way. You have no idea how much you mean to me, and it hurts me to see you suffer. No matter what is troubling you, no matter what your going though.... I am hear for you, and nothing is going to change that. Anything you need, is yours" Tears run down your face again, and once more, he smiles at you warmly and wipes your tears away. Terry's phone rings on the table and he picks it up to see who it is. "Ah it's just John" "Arent you going to answer it?" "No sweetheart, your my priority. John can wait till tomorow" he says while putting his phone back down. You just adore Terry for the way hes treating you tonight, you have had a crush on him for as long as you can remember but never told him. And despite what hes doing tonight, it still didnt feel like the right time to tell him, but that's doesn't mean you dont want to feel some comfort.

"Terry?" "Yes sweetheart?" "You know you said if there's anything I need, its mine?" "Yes of course sweetheart. What do you need? You want me to talk to your boss? Or deal with your ex? I can certainly put him in his place-" "No" you say as you interrupt him, his full focus is now on you. "Nothing like that" "Then what is it?" "Could....could you just.....hold me for while? Please?" Terry doesn't say anything, but he doesn't have to. His smile warms your heart and his eyes look at you with so much kindness, he sits back on the sofa and takes you by the hand, gently pulling you into his arms for a cuddle. You snuggle up against him, one of his arms wraps around your back, the other rests on your arm, as your hand rests against his chest, right over his heart. You can feel his heartbeat under you hand and its just beautiful. There was no talking for a while, but there didnt need to be. Yours and Terry's body were just enjoying the blissful feeling of eachothers touch.

"Thank you Terry, you have no idea how much I needed this" "Your welcome Y/N....if it was just a cuddle from a friend you needed-" "I didnt want a cuddle from just anyone Terry.... I wanted you" You couldn't see it but Terry had a large grin on his face, like you had just told him the best thing he could ever hear. He slightly tightens the cuddle bringing you closer, and you gladly snuggle into him more, now with your head resting over his heart. It was silent but so calm, a calm you hadn't felt for years. Terry was running his fingers though your hair and making you feel so relaxed, and before you knew it, you had fallen asleep in Terry's arms. When Terry could hear you sleeping, he looked down on you with a sweet and caring look, loving the sight of you peacefully sleeping in his arms. He waited for you to fall into a deep sleep, before he lifted you up carefully, making sure he didnt wake you. And he carried you through the living room and into one of his guest bedrooms. He lifts his leg and moves the quilt down the bed before gently lying you down on the bed, holding your head and delicately placing it on the pillow. He slips off your shoes and pulls the quilt up and over you, tucking into bed.

He kneels down beside you, observing you sleep so quietly, and he just cant help himself, and he leans in and kisses you on the forehead. You had a crush on Terry for as long as you knew him, and Terry felt the same way about you. Standing up, and walking towards the door, he stands in the door way while he switches the bedroom light off. But before he closes the door, he looks back at you in the bed, and he whispers "I'm going to do whatever it takes to make your life better....make you happy. Goodnight Y/N.....I love you"

[mizuta]

far from it to be my style to post about hashtag mental health issues on main but like. look. ive& been psychotic as far back as i can tangibly remember (hallucinating at 10-11, cognitive symptoms and episodes by 13-14). its been a part of my life so long that like... in a lot of ways im used to it and coping with symptoms and my life grew around a lot of the symptoms. like a tree trunk growing around a foreign object as a sapling. something that pierces directly through the middle but doesnt really impact the trees ability to stay alive in any meaningful way.

so like in a lot of ways im used to being in my own head. my partner is good at recognizing that things that are distressing to me in episodes dont process whatsoever as distressing to me a good chunk of the time. when im acting visibly distressed it actually means my level of distress is at like, 200%. its fucking unmanageable. if im visibly distressed its worse than anyone could conceptualize because typically otherwise im just numb to a lot of it or its just default my reality that its not distressing in any meaningful way until after the fact.

but like im ngl just because ive spent all of my teenage years upwards trying to take up literally the least space possible to exist and never show 80% of my "unacceptable" symptoms to 99% of people does not mean it makes it any less uncomfortable or awkward to like. be the token psychotic in some groups. to have to be the buzzkill and shit thats like hey sorry heres my hyperspecific request of the year because im fucking insane.

its miserable in a fresh new way of like sorry to have to remind everyone that its not actually a funny character quirk or joke my brain literally does not exist in your 'reality' in any meaningful way and the further outside of it i am on a given day the more unpleasant youre going to find me to be around. ignoring the insane person talking aimlessly in public doesnt actually help me it usually just reinforces that youre not real and never will be if its a bad enough day.

its never intentional. like nobody is ever doing this on purpose. especially again because i spent so much of my life being very good at hiding it. but like... it sucks so much to be masking half the time and be a little too good at it so when you stop being able to people are always levels of uncomfortable or upset. it sucks when you cant articulate anything properly and nobody really knows how to understand what youre asking for. it sucks when you have multiple severe memory conditions and cant trust your own memory and everyone immediately questions your memory when you ask for anything or point anything out. like of course im just going to fucking fold.

i dont know where im going with this or if this itself is even that coherent i know it sounds super vague but it really isnt about anyone specific im just babbling about like years worth of garbage. i got so fucked over by fakeclaiming culture because unfortunately when i started really displaying symptoms i was a teenager trying not to kill himself and being fucking insane loudly in virtual public when that was apparently an "obvious sign of exaggerating" so i had to learn to shut the fuck up and now everybody loves to forget how much im fucking unwell because god forbid you think too hard about what youre saying around others.

thank god for my partner who is literally the first person in my entire life whos ever tried to understand and genuinely knows how to talk to me when im in a particularly bad delusion or hallucinating or whatever.

man. im tired. i found out this last month i probably need to get a cane when i move out and i still feel like im going to be appropriating shit because severe knee and upper leg paint and severe balance problems cant be that bad. i hate having memory problems so bad that i so easily can be told that i dont know shit and Y is actually what happened and i usually cant actually argue against it even if im so sure thats not true.

[face2facewithabsinthe]

Casual conversation

Cut me piece of that pack would you?

Cuz a fag would really do me some good right now.

Remind me again, what exactly is it that you do?

Accountancy? Marketing? Some corporate job?

Right right thats it. Hows that working out for you?

Really? I didn’t take you for the kind.

No no I mean, I just never really imagined you quitting your job, or anything else for that matter. 

Always known you to be the kinda guy to see it through you know?

But yeah…. good for you!

So….. whats next?

Mhm yeah…. nothing planned huh?

Well Ill be damned, YOU?

Seriously, YOU? 

Without a PLAN?

That job really fucked you up good huh?

What about your wife and kids though, you gotta feed em somehow dont you?

Oh ma, Im sorry dude.

How long has she been …. you know……

That’s real tough man.

I wish I could say that I know what youre going through but I really dont.

When did you find out?

Ohh shit is this the reason why you rang me like 6 times that day ?

Man, Im sorry dude there was a work function and I was hammered and you know it being 3am I was sleeping. Once again Im so sorry—

I probably should have called you after but I kinda just forgot…..

Yeah yeah so no hard feelings? 

Alright man .

Well I hope the kids are okay at least.

Hey……. remember when we used to play football in the back of the school? The old pitch was locked up and you’d always find some way to get in? Wire cutters, climbing the fence, using rocks to try to break the lock….. You always found a way.

Didnt we also blame you everytime we got caught? Hahaha.

You were always the hardy one. No matter how fierce the teachers were to you, you never once flinched!

……

…….

….

You gotta go already? So soon? 

Ill guess ill catch you later then,

call me if you need to talk alright?

What? What do you mean?

What do you mean you can’t? Something happened to your phone?

Look, I know I messed up the last time but like I said, I was fast asleep man like what do you want me to do?

Okay now you’re just being unreasonable, 

Im not a bad person just because I didnt pick up your calls that day. 

Mind you, it was you who rang me up at the witches hour.

No, I know that I shouldve been there for you,

but was it really all my fault? You cant put this all on me.

You keep saying that youre already gone what does that even mean?

What does that mean?

Youre already gone?

Already gone?

Gone.

You are gone.

It means that you are already gone.

There was no work function.

You did not call me at 3am.

My phone rang at 12,

I was awake,

lying on bed,

about to sleep.

I saw your name but was too lazy to pick it up.

I thought you’d call me again the following day.

The call never came.

The next time I saw your name, was on the funeral card.

The one who brought down the guillotine, was me.

I should have picked up.

I should have been there.

I messed up.

You left so soon.

But I didnt know.

“He never quits”

“He has his wife and kids he wouldnt do anything silly”

“He has a plan for everything he’s probably fine.”

I was wrong.

And so the sun arose and awoke the streets.

Reality repeats, without him.

People still smile and children still play.

But not me, and not him.

As I stare at the bustle and life of the city,

I realise,

That though there may be billions of souls visiting this very plane.

You never quite know, how much a single soul can mean to another.

You never really know,

how important you may be,

to another.

Sometimes, I forget that I could have done something.

Sometimes, I forget that despite it all, it was his choice.

Sometimes, I forget, that I smoke…..alone.

[thoughts-and-all-that]

how the fuck do you block someone without blocking someone... someone who makes me deeply DEEPLY uncomfortable either follows my main (i checked after posting this, they do follow my main) or at least checks in on it enough that they liked one of my posts, but the thing is... we are in a very small fandom together, and ive talked to them on discord before, and i am trying so hard to be liked by this fandom despite how much it kinda grates on my nerves, and i really dont want them being like. hey why do you have me blocked. and like. starting drama about it

i guess i doubt theyd start drama but i really dont know them well and i. constantly feel like im walking on egg shells with these people cause theyre the types that are like. more sensitive than me. which sure thats not like inherently bad or negative but it gets. irritating when it feels like i have no idea what i can and cant say that might upset them or get me in trouble. like i cant even joke about cults and cannibalism with these people. like come on, its funny to make these shitty things out to be a joke, it makes it feel like they suck less. i mean, im not making light of them, when it comes to real situations of them im obviously not gonna treat it like a joke, but when it comes to the vague idea of them? yeah its funny. theyre just absurd concepts. i mean, come on man.

like, okay fine, its fine that they dont want to joke about it, but you cant even MENTION that stuff around these people. i mean i guess like. i guess its one of these peoples triggers but. what the hell situation do you find yourself in where cannibalism is brought up and becomes a trigger. like obviously i cant ask them that but like. WHAT. like did your mother eat your brother or some shit like... what the hell situation gives you cannibalism as a trigger. the cult one is fully understandable cause cults are common but you dont hear or see real life cannibalism every day. like does this person just have a horrible backstory or something.

i got very off track. i mean i guess it doesnt matter this is literally just a vent blog

its not like i hate any of these people. i may dislike one or two of them, thats just bound to happen with any group of people, but not hate. but as much as i dont want to say it, theyre not exactly my vibe. i mean... i always stuck out like a sore thumb in this fandom, even back in the day, hell, ESPECIALLY back in the day. i stumbled upon a fandom made by and for homeschooled christian kids and that sure was exactly how it sounds! and i... very much was not that. i was a public school atheist kid and i just simply found the content funny and the characters fascinating. i fell HARD for the characters, they... in more ways than one, lived rent free in my head.

a lot happened, i wanted nothing to do with it after, and then eventually i wanted something to do with it again. but ive been cautious this time. maybe a little too much i dont know. i just cant let it happen again. i know it cant happen again logically, and yet the creeping tendrils it left parasitically suckling on my skin creeps ever upward, threatening my very core.

i swear fandoms have changed drastically since 2016. i dont know what it was. i couldnt tell you if you paid me. they didnt used to be like this, filled with the one thing that makes me question my determination to go on. the one thing i cant even talk to anyone about because it makes me feel like im going to die, and other people treat me like ill die for it.

and its everywhere. its all over and i cant escape it and i try so desperately to.

and you know that its in this fandom. it was the first fandom i saw it in, actually. its the reason i feel this way at all. they haunt me. my every action is tinted with this haunting, it changed me for the worse.

i cant get close to any of them because almost all of them say it. and the ones who dont... definitely arent my vibe. the ones who dont arent even the ones i dislike, surprisingly. i used to hate one of them, hell, i used to hate one of the other people too. but things change. people change.

i guess i cant, since its been 7 years and this shit still haunts me so bad.

the reason that person makes me so uncomfortable is that thing. the one and i think only call i did in that server (i probably did one other) was with them and someone else, because i was like. why not! it was soon after i joined and i wanted to befriend the current era of this fandom. huge mistake. confronted with them doing the one thing that curses me. i left silently because they were all ignoring me anyway. what an experience.

ive had so many feelings since i joined that server, thats for sure. my relationship with this fandom could fill a novel. i hope it never does. it wouldnt get published anyway.

i just love these characters. i used to love one of the other people in the fandom. thats its own story. i cant even keep a conversation with them nowadays. how can i? the thing we had in common is gone. i cant tell them the truth. i REALLY cant tell them the truth. they would hate me. i cant handle them hating me. we arent codependently attached anymore but that doesnt mean i dont still care way too much about them. they were the best relationship i ever had, and we didnt even date.

i dont know what i would do if they hated me.

i just really love these dumbass characters. i dont know what it is. their own creators treated these characters a bit like crap. but these characters are so real to me. but not in THAT way.

and sadly ive tried to stop caring, but it didnt work. i mean... i did also want to reclaim them. that situation doesnt deserve to hold them hostage. i guess i could use to have that mindset about a lot more about that situation, but its not that easy. its really, really not that easy.

and because i care so much about these fucking characters, i care about having a decent relationship with the fandom. theres only so many of us, and none of these people are bad, i just... dont fit in. i never really did. but i try to. i dont think my effort does much.

i worry that they think im too much. i treat darker and mature topics like casual jokes, i dont share so many of the same ideas as everyone else, i make a lot of things about me because i dont know how not to. i try to keep up conversations by relating, but i fear it comes off as me trying to pivot it to be about me.

i think some of the stuff they do is silly, not that id ever stop them

i miss the early days, before the other shoe dropped. when i actually did fit. when it was so easy. when me and my friends filled up discord chats with back-and-forth prompts and ideas and writing... how i always wanted any fandom to be for me. why did it ever have to change. why did they have to tell me the truth. i was only 14.

i actually did almost have it with another fandom, too. that didnt work out as well after a little while. it was nice while it lasted.

i cant do that with these people. i wish i could. i wish i didnt feel like oil trying to mix with water.

so, anyway. cant block this person. wish i could. i wont though.

this is just the surface of all of this, you know. like i said, it could be a whole novel.

i have to live with this.

[donttakeitsopersonal]

Seeing internet drama like… match up or I suppose mirror the subplot of a webcomic I’m reading is so so fascinating. I mean it’s like drama that we’ve seen a bazillion times if you’ve spent enough time in the right circles but idk seeing it playing out too with real people got me thinking again.

Waffles under cut

Ima keep it vague even tho im an absolute nobody, knowing my luck, this will breach containment and then my unorthodox new ways of thinking will ruffle feathers haha but yeah.

Essentially the comic is about the aftermath of a murder and how people are living their lives after that. One of the accomplices is free and living their life and they’re also online. People find out and bully them, someone even suggested deleting their accounts and going offline for a while, but they don’t want to. One thing that is brought up with it is everyone keeps telling them they got to take accountability, which is true. But that’s got me asking well what does that look like? Like it can really look a lot of different ways but watching irl drama play out it makes me wonder if anything will ever be good enough for people. Like I’ve even seen this same scenario play out many times and there’s usually always a vocal group who just want the guilty party to be forever guilty. Is it good enough for them to take accountability, apologize, and rectify their behavior? (I’m talking low stakes drama here not like heinous abuse lol) it just really feels like if you ever make a tiny misstep online that’s your cross to bear forever. I feel like it’s very reductive and doesn’t allow the person to grow and change, which, isn’t that what we want? For people to grow and change and better themselves? Like idk man at this point in time if you can’t show me examples of someone doing XYZ shitty thing within the last year, like yknow something recent, I really couldn’t give a flying sideways fuck. If someone said “hey I did XYZ at this time and that was fucked and shitty and I’ve worked to change myself” and they haven’t done XYZ and did work to change themself, then idk man you sound incredibly immature and like you gotta mind your own business. Like it’s perfectly fine to be like “I don’t like this person they’re icky to me” that’s fucking fine you don’t need a good reason to not like people they can just give you general ick, water and oil don’t mix and you won’t like everyone you meet. You don’t have to be a bully tho 🙄🙄

OMG lemme waffle about other silly drama I saw that’s just like oh myfuckingod you do not need to and also hey wait a minute. So this one car influencer who is a very mean girl that’s also mean to other women while trying to present as a ✨Girl’s Girl✨™️ has had this, I shit yall not, YEARS beef with this other gal. So two face (that’s what ima call her lol) years ago, like BC(before covid) times TF was doing modeling and mechanic work, wow femme model on car soooo original /s 🙃so at this point in time she was actually a ✨Girl’s Girl✨™️, or at least pretended like it well enough lol, and was friends with some other blue collar girlies. She said she’d help them start their own OFs if they wanted and one took her up on that offer. Idk what happened exactly but TF started accusing said girl that she was copying her and taking her business. And like this was all so funny to me because like this just gave me DeviantArt sparkledog furry drama circa. 2007, like legit “yOu CaNt PaInT yOuR cAr PuRpLe!!11 YoU cOpIeD!!!!2!11!” Like bro this is straight up “you copied my design because you also have stripes on your tail” like day one internet shit, get with it girl. But also this is funny too because I seen her at that time basically copy someone else’s video like cmon. So anyways that basically made their friendship implode on itself and she has since then had a vengeance on this poor girl lol so here’s the nutty part, TF will constantly say “this girl is always copying everything I do, I saw her doing XYZ” which like is kinda inconspicuous when you hear it but then it’s like wait, you say you do not like this person, you try and avoid them, so on and w/e so it’s like wait,,, HOW do you know that??🤨unless you’re checking out her page and following what she does 👀 sussy. And like the other gal she’s cool and nice, we’ll call her GG, but I NEVER see her saying SHIT about TF unless TF did something like get her page flagged or something, which I feel is normal. And like mind yall this has been going on for over the span of years. So being an outside spectator to this all I seriously think TF is projecting onto GG, at least with the “oooh you stalking my page waaah” like girl idk you the only one posting videos about someone else 👀and also I feel like TF feels like I wanna say attacked but not really, maybe more like GG makes TF feel inadequate? But like I feel like seeing GG’s journey it’s what TF have strived for, like GG was a dealer mechanic, and now has her own shop with her mans and their friend. Like TF has only ever worked at like quick lube places and I think very very briefly at a custom shop or something. Like a month or less. And while I can say TF can perform the work, she is not what I would consider a high level mechanic. Like you just realistically have not seen that many cars, you’re not going to see the normal stuff that comes into places you’re not going to have that experience. Yeah working on your own stuff gives you skills a dealer or shop won’t but there’s far more you’ll learn in a shop, and I feel like deep down she knows that and feels threatened by it. Cause like girl why the hell else would you be paying so close attention to this game that you’d clown on her miscarrying like brruuuuuhhhhh you did not have tooooooooo 🥴🥴🥴that VIDEO could’ve stayed in the drafts😶 the fact she made a video too is big YIKES. But wow yeah it’s nutty asf, reality is stranger than fiction

[tinytrucks]

Thinking of using this space again as a journal just to have a place to vent that a little less public. I mean, its still public for sure but its much less "out there" then fb or any of that.

So, first two and maybe only relationships down the drain.

Pretty disappointed that this one fizzled out but I suppose it should've been expected. We were so....different. I know they say "opposites attract" but we were SO opposite we were just pushing apart all of the time. It just wasn't working. But lord did we try. For almost seven whole years. Lord nearly a whole decade I spent with this man. Its for sure gonna be hard to move on from him, no matter how different we were or how much we used to be in conflict.

I wonder what the universe has in store for me next. Will I be alone for the rest of my life? After these two bouts at "love" I honestly don't super think I'd mind being alone forever. Not really. Maybe when I'm very old, I don't know. There is just so much about me being in a relationship that felt so wrong. Or was it just the relationship I was in that was wrong? Who knows. Certainly not I.

Maybe I've never been in a "right" relationship.

I know I've always picked my relationships. They've never outright picked me, i've always been the one to start them and I think if i never did I would be a 32 year old virgin for sure. Prolly would never have been kissed or anything had I not chosen it myself.

It sort of sucks to know that truly no one out there would actively have chosen to be with you or seek you out in any sort of romantic manner but then again I don't SUPER hate the idea of being alone. More often than not I'm comfortable with the idea. I have the moments of loneliness. I have these moments of desperation. I'll feel so empty. But those moments pass pretty quick if I'm being honest with myself.

I remember the small time where i was alone, I was pretty happy and mildly confident and i spent a lot of time just dressing myself and making funny videos and stuff. Perhaps that's what it'll be like this time around EXCEPT this time I have a whole SON.

That changes literally everything. Its too bad I cant just like give up and die or something you know? After being dumped this second time it would be nice to be like "well shit aint really working out in this life, BYE" cuz now would be a nice time to just finally just be gone from this earth. Just quietly just slip away FINALLY. But now I have a child and so I have to actually TRY. lol That's funny. Cuz I really will try my hardest for him. I guess now I have to find a better job. A career. Cuz it'll just be me and him. So have to make real money. Gotta find a way to get us a little house in a nice neighborhood. Somehow. Man. How? Alone?

I know that there are tons of single mothers who do it alone and do it well but it seems so impossible right now. The first year of single motherhood is probably the hardest I'm sure.

Eventually things will be more public and i guess i can ask people for more advice but for now things are burning slow. Gotta get my own place first and then everything else from there. Hopefully the pieces fall into place well.

Maybe my work friends will get me stuff for my apartment. That's just me being hopeful of course. But heck they are all pretty darn nice so who knows.

Anyway now I sort of feel like I'm just writing just to write, no longer venting so I should probably stop for now. But this was good. Ill probably be using this more. Yeah. This was a good idea. i don't really have anywhere else and if anyone reads this then its oh well, right? I don't have to much to hide anymore. Who does these days lol

Hey, future Lory. How'd things go? Remember this time of your life? Things were pretty crazy man. Never felt like things would be even again but hopefully they are next time you're reading this, I wish you the best. Love you.

Man who even uses Tumblr anymore? I wouldn't be surprised if I lose all this one day lol But at least I got it out right? lol

[taegularities]

HEY RiD ! How are you honeybuns 💗✨️ Life has been kicking my ass for a while but there is still hope for me ..Anxiety and panic attacks are the freaking worst ..I have never experienced one before so it was kinda terrifying i was literally watching my own horror movie..but thats not the point ..the point is that YOU AUTHOR RID ARE GUILTY FOR RAISING MY STANDARDS ! Like hello am i supposed to die single 😭 why would you do this huh ! ANSWER ME ....was/is there someone or something that inspired/s you to write your characters this way ..and CMI jk !! OMG His character is phenomenal ..Oh the man he is ..its like when he loves ..he just loves yk ..there is no limit /boundary to his love and affection ..i cant help but imagine that if he and oc were to wed ..he is probably gonna be the crying and throwing up bcz his heart is bursting out of love and he is so freaking drunk over her ..i just know that oc would have to koala hug him so he stops crying lmao 🥹😭 ..These freaking fictional men istg ..And dont even get me started on dates ..i swear half of the time i am just scrolling my fav aus and being delusional while on the other hand the poor guy is trying to talk to me and banging his head on the table 💀 i just hope you are taking care of your health cuz we are the sensitive gang (one thing goes wrong and i know i am already going down the rabbit hole ) ..Also just curious (if you wanna share ) How was your first date experience like? Your first crush ? Cuz there is this guy in my Arts class and i am crushing so hard on him like he is so freaking sweet and charming ..He passed my vibe check on the first day 🙂 i get butterflies (alot ) whenever he looks at me.he is not the first guy yk like i have been on a lot of dates and stuff ..i did find them attractive but it is just so different with him ..like as much as i want to believe gettinf butterflies and heart skipping beats is real ..it has never happened to me and i am just going crazy ..it is scary as well cuz no guy has ever held this much power over me 🕳🚶‍♀️ Sometimes over pinkies would touch accidently and i am already melting in a puddle 🙂😭 What the hell is happening ..it is like Cmi yk..i just know that if he tries hard enough he can break my heart and i would gladly let him( this thought scares the shit outta me ) ..

awh man, living for the chaos in this ask lol it's so all over the place 🤧 i'm okay! winter break shall give me some peace of mind. how are youuuu?… totally.. cmi jk keeps raising my standard, too :') thinking about them hurts me bc i can't wait to experience such a love one day, too </3 and you will, as well!! i know some people are odd and make people lose hope, but i want to believe that there are a bunch out there who are just right for us and know how to make us happy 💕 tbh, i didn't base these characters on anyone i know, but rather… oc is someone i strive to be and jk is the kind of person i would want to love :(

my first date? hmmmm… honestly, a bit awkward? :'D we were at his place and watching something, but i know he was looking at me through the tv's reflection? and then we had more dates and our first kiss kinda went.. very wrong lmao but all that was part of something that bloomed into something beautiful 🌹 you'll be okay, love!! enjoy the feeling your crush evokes!! manifesting so much happiness for you 🥺

(also omg i gotta ask before i go all overthinking mode.. you said arts class? but you're 18+ right? 😭 since i have a minors dni policy!! pls lmk <3)

[xgryffinwhore]

september nights

request:  i was wondering if you could write another soft bill smut? i don’t really have a specific plot in mind, we’re just really lacking content on tumblr rn :( in some really precarious place where they don’t want to get caught

warnings: soft smut, like i mean very soft.

word count: 2118

before your lips met bill denbrough’s, love was always, to say the least, a conundrum. lets be real for second, boys wasted your time, and you let them. only the cute ones of course. you are a hopeless romantic, drunk off of molly ringwald and john travolta films. you wanted any relationship you had to be just like the movies.

through your heart breaks, your best friends stood by you, your losers. eddie, richie, bev, stan, ben, and bill. for each tear you shed a punch was thrown to the man who caused it, they were protective over you. bill the most though, he always got so defensive when you were in the mix. all throughout middle & high school, bill has had to deal with every guy who even dares to think about breaking your heart.

“its not fair bill” you wailed into your pillow. he stroked your back and hushed you, his eyes welling with tears. “im never fucking good enough for any guy and its so fucking sad!” your complaints being cut off mid sentence by a choked out cry. “y-y/n. all of y-your boyfriend are i-idiots. anyone w-who would d-d-do this to you isnt w-worth your t-time. anyone w-would be the luckiest in the w-world to have y-you in their life” you picked your head up and looked at him with swollen lips and blood shot eyes “there no one out there for me bill, no one.” 

he bit his lip, fighting back any tears dripping from his eyes “they j-just dont see how p-pretty you are. how g-gentle and caring and s-s-sweet, and h-how your face c-can light up any room. theyre f-fucking idiots, and you d-deserve m-more.” you clearly thought he was being nice, because you could take a MOTHER FUCKING GOD DAMN hint, so you replied “i wish there was someone out there like you, for me, that thinks of me the way you do.” 

he furrowed his brows, tossing his head back and running his fingers furiously through his hair. “d-dammit y/n!” he cursed “cant you s-see what ive b-been trying to say? w-w-what ive been t-trying to say f-for the last f-five years!?!” your expression was bewildered, your brain was going a mile a minute trying to figure out what he meant. his frustration got the best of him, he got up and stormed out the door,  feeling embarrassed and stupid for trying to make you understand how he felt.

he was half way out your front door, fuming for his keys lodged deep into his front pocket; when suddenly:

“bill!”

his head turned at the call of his name, “y-y/n please i d-”

smack.

your lips locked with his, he rain pouring heavily outside. bills lips stilled at the contact, but this lasted briefly, he deepened this kiss by pulling you in to his abdomen by your mid back. your bunched the front of his base ball t shirt with your fists, and he did the same but with your hair.

the rest is basically history.

now six months later, and you couldnt have been happier. bill knew how to treat you, nights out twice a week (you always wanted to pay but bill insisted,) holding your hand to and from classes, he let you borrow have his varsity baseball jacket, which smelt just like him and was a little too big for you. 

when he would drop you off and your classes, he would always grab your hand and transfer a tiny piece of paper into your palm. when you got into class to unfold it, it was always a cute little message about his love for you. 

bill had it bad for you, everyone knew that, and you loved every minute of it. he met every and any standard you had, and exceeded your expectations. 

it was september, still warm enough in derry to wear shorts, so you and your friends thought of a last hurrah for the ending of the summery weather.

“camp out, its nearly perfect” Richie exclaimed. eddie rolled his eyes “like youve ever been near anything perfect toizer, do you even know what perfect means?” richie shoved eddie “yeah eddie i actually have. have you seen amanda’s tits?”

 you tuned out richie and eddies bickering as you’re boyfriend cleared his throat. “you g-gonna go?” he said into your ear, “only if you promise to wear bug spray bill, you know how bad-” he cut you off with a kiss, his mouth forming a small smile at how cute you were. “get a room, honestly” stan poked, pda wasn’t his favorite... “at least i h-have something to k-kiss aye s-stannie”

you arrived at the edge of the forest, parking your car at the last parking ish space. you walked toward the sounds of ben and richie fighting, and came to see that richie really went all out. three tents, sticks for a fire, and more snacks than anyone needed. 

you all spent the remanence of the daylight dancing in the light sky, sharing stories, and eating waaaay too many chips. it was dark now, you all huddled in a circle near the fire; making small talk and trying not to admit you were all very tired.

“ok folks, im off to bed” richie yawned “me stan eddie n’ mike will take the green tent, bev and ben in the red.” richie paused and smirked over at you and bill, you were tangled in his limbs, golfed in his navy blue pull over. “and uh- heh- billy boy and y/n in the yellow tent eh?” you could practically feel bills eye roll, god richie was so immature.

“w-we dont have to s-sleep in the s-s-same tent, i c-can ask ben if he’d s-switch” you look up at bill and reassure him “bill no- its not a big deal, right?” he tucks your hair behind your ear and kisses the side of your temple “c-course not.”

you both went into the tent, bill began to unroll the blankets you both had packed tightly into your bags. You both set up your makeshift bed, bill leaned against a pile of pillows while you hugged his side, your face buried in his neck. his smell was absolutely intoxicating; his skin had remanence of his milk and honey body wash, but it was slightly overpowered by wintergreen, clove, and his bourbon cologne. 

you were like this for around an hour, the orange crank-powered lantern being the only source of light. you switch positions though, you now laid your head on his lap, reading a magazine you stole from the hair salon. he watched your eyes scan every letter, when you read something funny you’d huff to yourself, and when something was intresting you stuck your tongue out from between your teeth. he adored you.

“d-dont stay up t-too late” he stroked your hair off your shoulder “we have t-to have you w-well r-r-rested.” you sat up from beside him, as he adjusted the pillows and took off his pull over, then his pants. he got under the covers and waited for you.

“nice donut boxers” you laughed. “s-shut up” he blushed and regreted not changing them when he had the chance. you turned around took off your shirt, you were shy about how you looked, but it was just bill. it was just bill. you heard his breath hitch, his eagerness radiating off his body onto yours. the air became tense as you unzipped your pants and threw them to the corner. you turned around, bills pupils growing until you were completely facing him.

“yeah i know. mine are boring” you laugh nervously, brushing your hair behind your ear and getting under the covers next to him. he didnt respond, he couldnt take his eyes off of you.you began to sit up again “i can go put back on-” “n-no!” he interrupts, his blush taking up his entire face.

“i j-j-just cant b-believe i g-get to see something s-so special” he gulped “s-so b-b-b-beautiful.”

you grabbed him by his shoulders and kissed him, hard. youve been with boys before, i mean youve dated plenty of people. but no one ever called your body special. hot, yeah. nice, yeah. beautiful, sure. but no one ever thought that it was special. 

bill was a kind boy, the most you two have ever done is get each other off with your hands, always clothed. bill never asked to see more, he felt lucky enough just to make you feel good, and that was enough for him. so when you felt the heat of his hands hovering over your body but not touching it, you new you’d have to call the shots tonight.

“bill,” you laid down “just touch me everywhere, please.” he crawled in between your legs, kneeling so that he could lean over your face “m-my pleasure.”

he traced your collar, leaving small, delicate, kisses to make up for what his fingers left behind as they trailed. he kissed the valley between your breasts, licking slow striped down your skin. he picked up your upper back a little and cocked his head to the side, you nodded and he unclipped your bra. he sat their with his mouth open, taking in the view. you blushed and muttered “hey, keep that mouth to good use.” he dipped down and sucked on your nipples, his mouth felt so good against your skin grazed with goosebumps. he was gingerly with his tongue, it was sexy, it was romantic. he kissed down your stomach, his fingers sweeping down your sides. you could see his member pressing against his boxers, the pressure made him wince every once in a while. his fingers met your panties and he hooked them. again, he looked up for permission, you nodded once again. 

he brought your underwear down your legs and off, looking back to see what he had relieved. he licked his lips, getting ready to please you more than he already did. but you felt bad, bill always gave gave and gave. “its ok, im ready right now.” bill looked up at you in shock, he wasnt expecting you’d want to go all the way. “y/n, y-youre sure?” you lean up and kiss his lips, swiping your tongue against his bottom lip “please.”

he pulled down his boxers eagerly, his member sprung out to hit his stomach. he lined up with you, checking once more that it was ok. then he pushed in, bottoming out. he felt bigger than you thought, of course he was well endowed, but he filled you up so well. you mewled, the pain and pleasure making a delicious feeling that made your toes curl.

he waited, but began slowly moving after a bit. he grunted, feeling you wrapped around him was something he’d never be able to get out of his head he thought to himself. he grunted “f-fuck this feels g-good’ he grunted, his breath becoming heavy and full of lust. with every stroke, you felt yourself get more and more lost in the bliss he made you feel. “youre making me feel so good  bill” you moan, the sound of his name coming out of your mouth driving him absolutely crazy. he speeds up, loving the view of your face contorting in pleasure and your body moving with his. 

he couldnt help but feel admiration to you, your hair formed a halo around your head, and the sweat that coated your skin made you glisten in the orange light. “im t-the luckiest in the world” he husks, holding your cheek. 

you felt the knot in your core coming undone, “bill im close” you strain, trying not to be too loud so you dont wake your friends. he moved your leg up to his shoulder, hitting you from a different, deeper angle. his fingers went to your clit, making you bite your had to stop you from screaming. “you l-look so p-pretty y/n, t-taking me s-so well. making y-you feel so good.” “so good bill” you repeat, drunken off his cock and fingers. 

without warning, you came came, your legs spazzing as you moaned “fuck bill” he followed, his hips stuttering, as he cried out into your shoulder. he pulled out and laid next to you, both of you breathing heavily and coming off your highs. 

“y/n” he looked at you “t-that was really j-just wow- thank y-you.” you kissed him, chaste and sweet “that was great yeah?” “it w-was perfect babe. t-thank you f-for t-that. i love you y-y/n.”

“i love you too bill.”

he sat up, his fingers dancing on your inner thigh.

“y/n?”

“yeah?”

“c-can we p-please do t-that again?”