#and you aint a fucking vegetable

[falafels]

kevin to neil in tfc

[piratefishmama]

i dug up a ton of bramble roots today, literally only a fraction of them, JUST along the edges of the concrete, there's a fuckton more left to go and i'm exhausted. THESE FUCKERS ARE SO DEEP UNDERGROUND, some of them deep enough to go under the goddamn concrete so i'll never get them out.

AND I GOT BIT BY SOME KINDA BUG.

why did i start this again?

So I'm tackling my back garden. The overgrowth has been insane. The dogs like to hide bits of trash they've stolen out there, and it only gets worse each day that summers here cause of the woods behind us. So I wanna take some time and just. Fix it up. As cheaply as possible, while making it as nice as I possibly can, on my own so it's easier to maintain in the future.

Keep in mind I'm a tiny 4'11 girl, who's not exactly in shape, lmao.

Before and after today's progress below the cut!!

BEFORE

And AFTER

[coridallasmultipass]

HAPPY 413! Here's more of the [non-Sburb AU] Filipino/multiracial Striders I write and draw. Bitter melon was on sale in the store, so I bought a ton, and I was like, 'How can I make this Homestuck content?' Lol. I like the taste, but I thought it would be funny to have Bro bully Dave into eating it as a punishment for being a sneaky vegetable-hating teen. (Good thing Lil Cal is always there to keep an eye on him when Bro is out.)

Idk, mostly wanted to draw the food, bc bitter melon looks so fun when it's sliced like that.

Bro and Dave are both trans men.

Image text below cut:

[Dave walks in on Bro cooking. Lil Cal is seated at the table already.] Dave: the fuck- what are you cooking Bro: Ginisang ampalaya. Heard you're not eatin' your veggies. Dave: cal... fuckin snitch Bro: HEY. Dave: seriously what is that alien dick Dave: ugh its all bumpy too Bro: Bitter melon. It tastes like cucumber skin, but has a better texture. Dave: fuckin gross Bro: What, are you a fuckin' pussy? Too white to try pagkaing Pilipino? ["Filipino food"] Dave: damn right if it involves warty dick-cumbers Dave: aint filipino no more Dave: gonna have to hog the white genes on this Bro: Here. Prob want some cock sauce on that. [The food has crisp bitter melon, melted tomatoes, and scrambled eggs.] Dave: ugh do i have to eat it Bro: Yes. [Everyone is seated at the table. 'Cock sauce' is Sriracha because of the rooster on the bottle.] Dave: oh its not bad Dave: ... [The bitterness sets in.] Lil Cal: HAA HAA Dave: is this even edible Bro: Sure is. [Bro eats it normally.] And if I hear you're not eating your vegetables... Well, I'll just have to cook more of the same thing dad used to make me. There's enough to last all week. Dave: ...fuck Bro: Eat up. It's healthy. Dave: please dont make me eat this Dave: ill eat any other vegetables ok? just not this Bro: That's what I wanna hear. But you're still finishing this one. For throwing out all that food. Dave: ugh END.

[pumpkinsy0]

since school is starting back up soon... can you do HCs for papercut going back to school shopping?

i just kicked myself thinking about this wym summers almost over,,,

•unrelated but when they see a back to school ad a part of them just dies

•aint none if em wanna do this bs lets b completely honest

•curly dont even have a backpack for school, ur lucky if this nigga even brings a pencil or pen in his POCKET

•hes more so shopping for angela, shes the only one of the shepards who actually somewhat tries in school, plus she keeps watching those “back to school tricks” and now she wants VERY particular things

•darry forced pony to go shopping, and they just so happened to bump into each other and wallow in their suffering together

•pony does like looking at the art supplies however and sneak buys them saying its for art class when he knows good and god damn well it aint

•pony doesnt have a backpack either actually, he shops for things that r small enough for him to carry to school, and just leaves them in his locker for tomorrow

•but if they both did go bag shopping, curly would get those sprayground backpacks and ponys BORING and gets a solid color one boooo👎🏽👎🏽👎🏽👎🏽

•curlys in literally every aisle BUT the back to school aisle, like mf y r u looking at the vegetables being misted rn, can u be serious

•those notebooks that r somehow dirty w a rip and has a spill on them??? completely their fault, just fucking up someones school year w that one

•i think it would b funny if pony got a journal/sketchbook and had this own version of like “neds declassified high school survival guide” or “diary of a wimpy kid” thing goin on

•curly would open the packages and only steal like one of the items from it, like if theres glue in a three pack, he steals one glue from the whole thing so he doesnt have to pay

[pjisskullourful]

in honour of this happening at my gig(its for me, save your breath telling me it aint cos it is! they were in the same building as me. damithan supremacy is fucking real) imma post a little overdue something

my rainbow family halloween fic never came together, i had a cute idea but sometimes the fic dont fic. but yall can have the first 1k+ of what i did write, which includes a little secret i've been keeping from yall for the throuples future. please enjoy, i wish october had been nicer to me so i could have gotten this fic finished for yall

With nothing but Britney Spears to hear as you styled the long blonde wig, it almost felt like old times. You were reminded of spending a huge chunk of your paycheck on new wigs and spending practically every Saturday night at a live music venue, standing for hours in the most uncomfortable shoes known to man. You remembered the extra concentration that had been put into styling the wig that you wore to surprise your boyfriends with your debut (and only) performance in drag.

The illusion of nostalgia was being routinely interrupted by your baby bump getting in your way. At thirty-three weeks pregnant, your movements had to be adjusted from the typical. That kept you from getting entirely lost in memories, along with the blinking baby monitor set up on your desk.

This wasn’t your first time working on this wig, you had been at it with the hairspray and curling iron many times during the course of this month. And it was almost perfect, almost ready to go atop Damiano’s head to complete his Lestat costume. For this year’s iteration of Victoria and René's famous Halloween parties, your boyfriends were dressing to match one another. They were channelling the leads from 1994’s Interview with the Vampire, with Ethan taking on Brad Pitt’s Louis.

You were going as one of their victims, with prosthetic, gory wounds ready to be glued to your body. The 1800’s dance-style dress you planned to wear would accommodate your tummy, as well as fitting the theme since you had gone at it with scissors and dark red paint.

You were interrupted from your work by the sound of your family returning home. Damiano, Ethan and the three kids were back from their excursion to a local pumpkin patch. You unplugged the curling iron, leaving it on the heat-resistant pad before easing yourself onto your feet. You collected the baby monitor before leaving the room, ready for the moment when Bowie awoke from his nap.

When you got downstairs you followed the voices of Ethan and Marsha, finding them in the family room. They were standing at the crafting table, which was currently dominated by the largest real-life pumpkin you had ever seen - it appeared to be three times the size of your head.

“You don’t think his name is Patrick?” He was asking of your daughter.

“No, that’s the name of the starfishies.” She replied, speaking as if this rule of hers was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Right, well maybe this is a girl, a girl named Paula.”

She looked at the giant vegetable with her eyes narrowed, carefully studying it with this new information. Ultimately, she decided her dad was speaking the truth and nodded her head. “Paula the pumpkin.”

“That’s the most Paula-looking pumpkin I’ve ever seen.” You contributed your opinion as you walked closer to them.

“Hi Mama. Do you like the pumpkin Cosmo picked? I helped.” She said, perked up with pride.

“You guys did an amazing job.” You said. “You don’t need to keep that heavy jacket on now that you’re inside, Miss Thing.”

She fumbled with the combination of zipper and buttons on her winter coat. But she succeeded without assistance and pulled the garment off, handing it to you straight away.

“How about you go check if Papa needs any help making lunch?” Ethan suggested.

She left for the kitchen and you turned to look at your boyfriend, a displeased look on your face when you began to speak. “You got the smallest one they had, eh?”

“The kids picked it. What was I supposed to do- tell them that they picked wrong?” He asked.

“You’re supposed to redirect them.” You said. “Come on, we talked about this and we all agreed- no more pumpkins bigger than Moe. They’re gonna drive us nuts, asking every day for it to be moved around the veranda, or from the front veranda to the back, then the opposite.”

“I know, but you should have seen how excited he was, he was planning out all the cool things he would have space to add. I didn’t have the heart to stifle his creativity.” He said, clearly trying to win you over with his sweetness.

“You let my children run wild, Ethan.” You attempted to maintain your stern tone.

The expression on his face changed as he switched to the tactic of distracting you. “You smell like hairspray, have you been working on the wig again? I would love to see the progress.”

“Yeah, I bet you would.” You said sarcastically.

Before he could continue his facade, everything was interrupted by your son’s crying coming through the speaker you held. Bowie had woken up, providing Ethan with a great distraction.

He grabbed the baby monitor before you had a chance to react. “I’ve got him.” Swiftly he was disappearing out of the room and up the staircase.

You gave the large pumpkin another look. You were glad that this year you had an excuse to count you out of the three kids' consistent redecorating ideas. It got very tedious trying to keep up with them deciding, then re-evaluating the perfect spot for the heavy decoration.

By the time Ethan came into the kitchen with Bowie the toddler had stopped crying. You were sitting with the rest of your kids along the island, everyone enjoying their own serving of scrambled eggs. Damiano was making sure each child had the drink they wanted.

“He’s okay.” Ethan said of Bowie, who was looking around the room with bright eyes. “He just wanted us to know that he’s awake.” Ethan tapped him on his tiny nose.

The kids had been told that their crafting would begin once lunch was finished, prompting them to start asking as soon as Sylvia’s plate was cleared. They were made to wait until everybody was done, with Ethan the last one eating. He purposefully took smaller and slower bites, earning him theatrical groans from the three eldest.

Damiano took care of tidying up, leaving you and Ethan to get the various crafts prepared. For Cosmo’s pumpkin carving, Ethan laid some sheets from the newspaper onto the floor. The twins were easy to organise, they would be taking their textas to print-outs of pumpkins to be hung up in the windows. You picked out the pots of face-paint that had been purchased for you to help Bowie turn your pregnant belly into a festive pumpkin. You had some old towels on hand for the mess that was certainly coming your way.

He eagerly took one of the paintbrushes that you offered, once you were seated somewhat-comfortably on the floor. Your son turned away from you, uninterested in what you were doing at present. Wobbly steps took him over to where his siblings were gathered, around and on top of the newspaper in anticipation of Ethan bringing the pumpkin over.

“Hey Dada, what’s my star sign?” Cosmo asked, the horoscope section catching his eye.

Once Ethan answered this, the girls wanted to know theirs. This led to Ethan reading out the two horoscopes, which were peppered with words the kids didn’t understand, his explanations slowing the whole process down. Sylvia got bored first, leaving for the table where all of the colouring supplies were set up.

He and Cosmo were still drawing out their ideas on the pumpkin when Damiano came into the room. You were using a marker to create a guide for the painting on your skin while Bowie gave each of the brushes careful check-overs (some of the handles required a taste test). The twins were making the most progress, their markers quickly moving across the pages, their focus secured. Damiano checked that you didn’t need any assistance before stationing himself with the girls.

You wiped the handles of one of the brushes on the towel before dipping it into the orange paint. “Are you ready to paint, baby Bowie?”

He raised his brush into the air. “Pah.”

“Uh-huh.” You said. “You wanna help Mama paint this section, right here in the centre of her belly?”

He had a serious look on his face as he scooted closer to you, apparently ready to concentrate on the craft. You handed your brush to him and he took a long look at the thick orange liquid on the bristles. You feared that he would touch it to his face, or worse, try to eat it.

But he proved his skills, applying the bristles to the taut skin of your tummy. The paint felt slimy on your skin as he worked the brush up-and-down, seeming to understand that this was somewhat similar to when he painted at his baby easel. You were unbothered when some of his brush strokes partially went over your outline of an eye.

“Wow, that looks so good already.” You enthused.

He nodded his head as he accepted from you the alternate brush dipped in paint. “Good.”

He wasn’t the most gentle as he made contact with your skin, applying the paint over on your side. There was a method to how he worked, spreading the orange further across your tummy. There had been many attempts at trying to get him excited over the fact that you were growing a brand new baby in there. It was hard to tell how much he absorbed this information, but what you really cared about was that he was enjoying decorating your large belly.

“Okay, now push with your elbow until the blade of the knife goes all the way in.” Ethan instructed as he held his hand over Cosmo’s on the serrated knife.

Cosmo wore a look of great concentration, his brow furrowed as he sucked on his upper lip. He moved the knife carefully, pushing until more than the pointed tip disappeared into the real pumpkin. Ethan held the vegetable steady with his other hand as Cosmo kept working the knife in.

While colouring with the twins, Damiano had found a doll-sized cowboy hat. It was quite common to come across misplaced pieces of toys around your home, so he didn’t bother to question it. He balanced the tiny hat on the tip of his index finger, absentmindedly keeping it elevated.

This caught Bowie’s eye, taking his attention away from painting. He got to his feet and you had just enough time to take the messy brush off of him before he wandered away. He went directly over to his dad, reaching for his arm.

“Hey, little man.” Damiano enthusiastically greeted him.

“Hat.” Bowie said.

“Oh, is this yours?” Damiano asked, offering the small hat to him. “Are you a cowboy?” Damiano placed the miniature accessory atop Bowie’s head, towards the centre where it could be somewhat steady. Immediately he was giggling, not needing to see his reflection to find this funny. “It looks really terrific on you. It must be your hat because it suits you so well.”

Bowie whipped around to face you, the hat slipping off of his hair in the process. Damiano quickly remedied this, holding Bowie still with a hand on his shoulder until the hat was back in place.

[firelord-frowny]

yall these last several days have been THE! WORST!!!!

or idk, not the worst lmao i tend to try to save catastrophic language for actual catastrophes these days and since nobody is dead or maimed, i guess "really really sucked" is the better way to describe it.

but anyway. it really really sucked so bad that i dont even feel like properly ranting about it, so here's a bulleted list of the suckage. -Had (probably) the flu for like two weeks. Missed two weeks of volunteering and one week of work. -Felt better! Volunteered. Went to work. -Throat got sore in the middle of the night. like i literally FELT it get sore in real time. felt it swell. -Sore throat morphed to include an ear ache. -Also felt nauseous several times throughout the day. -went with my mom to go pick up groceries and also one single item to hopefully expedite my recovery (those lil emergen-c supplement drink packets) and somehow wound up getting yelled at about what an inconvenience it is to ~have~ to make a 20 minute round trip to pick up groceries that included something for me🙃 i literally would have just done an instacart order like i usually do but we already needed groceries and that is the only reason i put it in the grocery order so i guess that somehow means that its My Fault the household needed groceries and i guess a 20 minute trip is the worst fucking thing a person can be bothered to do on a sunday afternoon. i mean nevermind the asparagus and the yellow squash and the cornbread mix and the condensed milk and the walnuts and the clam strips and the bananas and the whole grain cereal and the canned vegetables and the frozen berries and all the other shit that aint have JACK to do with me, bc my vitamin c supplement made all of that moot and the sole reason for going to get groceries was because im a needy piece of shit whose better off idk dying of meningitis or soemthing, idfk.

-had a virtual ~urgent care~ visit. got prescribed antibiotics for what's probably a sinus infection gone nuclear. that was yesterday.

-today! throat still hurt like a bitch. couldn't really eat or drink much but I had an apple and some water before taking a dose of ibuprofen.

-went to work. started getting a migraine on the way. benadryl often takes the edge off of my migraines so my dad (who was giving me a ride to work) agreed to swing by a store and pick some up after dropping me off at work, and then swing back and bring me the meds.

-HOWEVER! you know what the first thing i did upon pulling into the parking lot at work was?

-puke. A LOT. big ol pile of puke in the parking lot. disgusting.

-called the front desk and let them know that i in fact made it to work but that i just vomited my guts out in the parking lot and should probably go home. they were like, "yikes, yeah, definitely go home, please feel better soon" and canceled all my students for the day. I'm Extra Upset by this bit because 2 of my students have missed a lot of lessons recently (one because they were on vacation, another because there were no lessons on 4th of july, another because a different student canceled, and one because i was sick) and i really really really want to keep as much consistency as possible both for the student's progression, and for increasing my chances that they'll keep me as a teacher. and i also had one new adult student that i saw for the first time last week and am super bummed that i already had to throw a wrench in his new experience learning an instrument.

anyway,

-throat was still hurting like a BITCH and i obviously needed to eat and drink especially since i THREW THE HELL UP EARLIER so i made another virtual urgent care appointment.

-got through the entire intake process as far as submitting all the forms. all that was left was for someone to call me and confirm all the info.

-i get the call! confirm the info! the lady says she'll send me a link to the visit as soon as we hang up.

-BUT THEN she asks me if i'd had a virtual visit the day before for the same reason, and i said yeah! and then she says! that i can't have a virtual visit because blah blah blah they cant do telehealth appointments for one patient for the same reason in less than 7 days! which like! ok i guess but PERHAPS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN POINTED OUT WHEN I SELECTED THE REASON IN THE INTAKE FORMS 15 MINUTES AGO???

-but whatever! okay fine! so i made an appointment for the in person clinic and was able to be seen relatively quickly.

-everybody was super nice (literally all of the medical people i've dealt with over the last two days have been super nice) and one of the desk ladies told me i have a "really sweet voice" and that made me Happyyyy and so i told her how happy it made me and that it meant an extra lot because i used to have a violin teacher who would tell me my voice was annoying and the lady was like "omg wtf" and i was like "i know right? i was like 13" and she's like "daaaaang wtf!' and im like RIGHT???

-even though i was able to be seen relatively quickly it still took kind of a long time for the nurse practitioner herself to get to me, but once she did, it was smooth sailing from there. covid, flu, and strep tests were negative. prescribed me prednisone for the sore throat. took my first dose in the clinic. picking up the rest of it from a pharmacy tomorrow.

-its now 3am as i type this and my throat is feeling significantly better. took my 3rd dose of antibiotics earlier tonight, along with some tylenol, since apparently ibuprofen can have some reactions with prednisone, and since my throat at that moment was still pretty sore. but i think by now i can finally EAT SOMETHING so thats what imma do, and then imma *samuel l jackson voice* Go The Fuck To Sleep.

[memeween]

every friend of mine who fucked someone over 30 when they were 18-23 because they wanted to prove how liberated they were has expressed regrets to me and they literally all have severe emotional issues. that aint a coincidence ☺️ this is the sexual equivalent of eating your fruits and vegetables. some elements of approaching your sex life are literally self care. not fucking your ex, not fucking people you dont like, not getting blackout drunk and having hookups you do t remember, not sleeping with ppl clearly taking advantage of you-all good things to do they will all allow you to develop healthy relationships and those are the relationships where you can get Real Freaky ok there's plenty of ways to have your cake and eat it too

[cyansbakery]

Fluffy hotcakes

Take as many eggs as you want, depends on how much you wanna make. Separate whites from yolks. I do this by hand bc its so much easier (and satisfying) to just roll the yolks a lil bit in my palms and then wash my hands. Also they get separated so much better. I see so many baking videos and shit where theres still white on the yolks and it drives me insane.

Leave the whites for later and whisk up those yolks. Add as much vegetable oil as it will need to double the volume. Like if you got a cup of egg yolks add a cup of oil. Dont be stingy with that shit. This is for shitty and old pans. It will save your pans. It also adds moisture to the mix so like even if you got those fancy expensive non stick pans, the oil goes in anyway.

Add the same exact amount of sugar. It doesnt really matter if its white or brown sugar. Sugar is sugar in this house. If its sweet, pour it in babeyyy. (Powdered sugar dont work tho, that shit got starch in it, will fuck up the batter).

Choose your milk. Any milk works. (Yes, breastmilk too, if thats what you want). This recipe has eggs so it aint vegan but it Can be Lactose Free. I use vegetable milk or lactose free milk for everything bc i dont like shitting myself, thank you very much.

Start sifting in three times as much flour. This is a 1:1:1:3:3 ratio, folks. One cup of yolks? One cup of oil, one cup of sugar, three cups of flour, three cups of milk. Im making up the measurements as i write. I dont measure shit when i do this, this is for your convinience, not mine.

Whisk up that flour in small increments to avoid clumps and add your milk as you go. Cup of flour, whisk, cup of milk, whisk, cup of flour, you get the gist.

Leave it to rest. Get those whites back and whisk them up till they form peaks. We're making sugarless meringue. Dont do the bowl upside down trick, its the sugar that makes that not slide right off the bowl, check if it stays on the whisk. If you wack if against the bowl and some of it stays stuck youre good. If theres still some liquidy shit on the bowl keep going. Its gotta be all foamy.

Check the batter, tt should be thicc but it should fall easily from the whisk when you get it out. Kinda like glue. Imagine you're whisking up glue and how slow it wouod fall from your whisk but wouldnt be stuck in it. Thats how its gotta be babes.

Wash your whisk and put it away you dont need it anymore. With a laddle nudge the whites into the batter and softy fold it in.

Once mixed youre ready to start laddling up into your pan. Dont move that shit, let it fluff up and once it stops bubbling use a spatula to flip it over.

Bone apple teeth

[commasemicolon]

no paint to match the traps stash cos after the cash grav it felt so flat. fucked up man. aint no clue for the new tunes, ya basic asking for new. whats ya dog supposed to do? love of art, art of love dedicating to a single craft. A body of work is working bodies. dots and lines being the only hobby. I want your dot to live up just right. Right light, right time, on that world line. Ya go straight when we say its right cos the spaces give tempo and rhyme. Cadence, consistency, right left? shock in the beeps and boops its head. Whats the next structure we want to enforce? I'll keep watch ffrom behind closed doors. The mask I wear surfs the chores. Of labels concerned of what you mould. A glimmer of plastic in the light,blinds and detracts from what is not right. & its either grow or die? How we try to normalise the rot in plain site. For this petri dish best start with the guise in mind. WHy remind the comedy noir, melancholy light? Its lacking shine. Why not rewind when the actors tired and nearly fired. Can I have a moment to waste more time? DIed trying to live dragging my body to the finish line. Is there invisibility in a limelight. In the citric wise, I knew not to burn out bright, yet in the strain I sense an incline. Must be reasons to maintaimn this stubborn frame of mind. To want it all means every life lived in one lifetime. I know youre there waiting, l,osing patience. Have better grinds but ideas arent coming out fast enough, the ones i need lacking eloquence. Yet in my insolence I feel that true winner sitting wry. It is my guide, im walking blind, but being a trickster , quiet watcher smiles at every directionless coordinate arriving always at the right place. Right time, dont need to say why, truths in the telling. silently know youll find me. How i find youi in the blank guideless expanse was never just luck or via chance. There is no plan, indeed no flow to go to. No normals, casual, informal or custodial./ Wjat is insane is ritual. Where this river flows to. Life as a potato, or vegetable served in a bottle of mountain dew./ fails

[pesterloglog]

John Egbert, Roxy Lalonde

Act 6, page 6450-6451

JOHN: hello?

JOHN: is uh...

JOHN: anyone inside that thing?

ROXY: who goes thr

JOHN: don't worry, i am not a villain.

JOHN: i'm just passing through, looking for someone.

JOHN: i was told to find a girl named roxy.

ROXY: roxy huh

ROXY: sounds like a babe

JOHN: heh.

JOHN: yeah, maybe.

JOHN: do you know her?

ROXY: kinda

JOHN: really?

JOHN: have you seen her??

ROXY: nope not in a while i am fraid

JOHN: darn.

ROXY: i could help you find her though

ROXY: w a series of vexing riddles + clues

ROXY: each more bewildering than the last

ROXY: each less infuriating than the next

ROXY: for i am the sphinx of this pyramid and that sort of coy bs is the shit i get up to ery day

ROXY: (all pyramids have sphinxes i decided j now)

JOHN: no, that sounds really dumb.

JOHN: i would rather just have some straightforward information as to her whereabouts.

ROXY: ummmmmmmmmm

ROXY: *strokes sphinxly chin enigmatically*

JOHN: can you at least tell me what she looks like?

ROXY: well the thing is

ROXY: shes hard 2 recognize lately

ROXY: she started wearing a mask for some fukin reason

ROXY: maybe so as to avoid detection from snoopy boys??? ;)

ROXY: (just wonked @ u fyi)

JOHN: you just what?

ROXY: nothin!

JOHN: alright, well...

JOHN: can you tell me where and when you last saw her?

ROXY: heck yes

ROXY: it was last time i looked in a mirror

ROXY: theres no mirrors in jail though

ROXY: which is a shame

ROXY: could use an eyeload of that stone cold fox 2 get me thru the long nites

ROXY: hardest time i ever done :(

JOHN: oh my god.

JOHN: it's you!

JOHN: how could i possibly fall for such a stupid prank.

ROXY: ell em ay friggin OH

ROXY: youre almost as gullible as english

ROXY: how perf is it that thats some kinda family trait

JOHN: what?

ROXY: you must be john right

JOHN: yes.

JOHN: how did you know that?

ROXY: because jake rambled about meetin you a bunch of times

ROXY: also u sound like him

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: it seems like you have me at a disadvantage then.

JOHN: which is impressive, considering you are in jail, and also in a little green pyramid thingy for some reason.

JOHN: did you...

JOHN: did you actually build that thing?

ROXY: f yeah!

JOHN: that's cool. it's like a little fort.

JOHN: i built a fort once in my room. i made it out of a bed sheet, and some cruxite dowels.

JOHN: then my friend threw it in a bottomless pit.

ROXY: hahah

ROXY: thas awesome

JOHN: it was alright.

ROXY: no but 4 real dont wreck my fort or i fuck you up

JOHN: i wouldn't dare.

JOHN: aren't you going to come out so i can see you?

ROXY: i would but

ROXY: ive been tryin to concentrate on something

ROXY: so i built this sick pyramid deal to help focus my brain chi and spiritual majyyks and if at all possible to blitz my chakras out the yin yang

JOHN: is it working?

ROXY: no

ROXY: but at least its nice and dark and quiet in here and free of distactions

ROXY: or it was until a guy came along lookin for some chick

JOHN: what are you trying to do exactly?

ROXY: i have to make a spikeball appear out of thin air

ROXY: but all i can make are these lame cubes

JOHN: you made all these cubes??

ROXY: yup

JOHN: that's a neat power.

ROXY: ty

ROXY: i also made some pumpkins

ROXY: cubes n pumpkins

ROXY: the manifestations of amateurs

ROXY: theyre basically freebies for void players i think

JOHN: i remember making some of those cubes with my alchemiter.

JOHN: i think that's what a blank card makes? so yeah, they're super primitive.

JOHN: but making pumpkins is pretty impressive. they're like... these big ol' vegetables.

ROXY: no dude

ROXY: pumpkins are helllls o primitive

ROXY: voidwise theyre like the middle square on a bingo card

ROXY: drummin up a dumb gourd aint nothing to write home about

JOHN: well, if you're really having trouble...

JOHN: i know a thing or two about learning to use god tier powers.

JOHN: maybe i could help?

[the-moon-pal]

If Scott ever looses a toof, will he have to go to like a dentist to get a fake one? Imagine all his toofies beeing gold

I imagine he just grows a new teeth tbh!! But it probably takes a bit of time before it completely comes out

[bleuberrygliscor]

you can tell im getting better at being online because i do not have to respond to every point i disagree with.

[thenastyotherblog]

Disclaimer: Im not a transperson not do I wear a binder, I did my best doing a bit of research of chest binding before writing this and I hope is accurate, if not please do let me now! 

@phoenixcharged​ Hope you like it! 

Your binder is killing you.

You were supposed to take it off like what? Two hours ago? But Mr. Stubborn thinks he can handle the pain until lunchtime.

"Its only a little bit of back pain" You thought, foolishly. Your back has endure so much already, whats are some couple of extra hours?

I will tell you what are a couple of hours.

Its not only back pain at this point, is the pressure on your sides, the unholy pain on your chest, the pressure on your ribcage that makes you think of those videos of people crushing a macaroon apart.

Not to mention the fricking heat.

You feel like a steamead vegetable right now, a layer of sweat covering you whole.

Is disgusting.

Finally your class is over and you make a, discret, run to put all your papers and materials back into your bag. You want this thing off you. NOW.

"Hey Teach, got a second?" You resist the urge of sighing in distress as one of your students comes to you, they look apologetic from taking more of your time but they do seem like they need the extra help.

So you stay while in excruciating pain.

Now it feels like someone is trying to vacuum seal you, oh it hurts.

You are on your way to the bathroom, your vision a lit fuzzy, you are only thinking of sweet relif when you face-crash into something, someone?

"Hey, Teach!" Hizashi greets you cheerful. "I was going to pick you up about now! Didnt know you wanted your dosis of me as soon as possible!"

Oh yeah, you two had a little lunch date planned today. You didnt remember because the pain makes you numb.

You can only manage to give him some forceful chuckles, holy mother of god even that is leaving you without air. "Oh hey, Zash" Oh dont talk, why are you talking when it hurts this badly?

Hizashi is quick to realize something aint right with you, he is observant like that. Or maybe is because you look like you are about to hit the bucket any moment now.

"Hey, are you alright little listener? You look a bit…pale"

"Who? Me? Pssht" You wave your hand, trying to take a bit of the seriousness off the situation and while you do that try to straighten yourself up. FUCK. GRAVE MISTAKE. YOUR CHEST HURTS!

"Songbird whats wrong?" The cheerfuness of his voice is now replaced by serious worry. Awn man, you dont want to make him do that face, the "im worried sick about you face" you cant handle the guilt.

"Nothing! I swear!" You laugh some more, air rapidly leaving your, very very crushed lungs. "Lets go! I cant wait for-"

Why is the floor coming closer to you? Oh shit are you falling? You hear Hizashi scream your name as you hit the floor, HARD. You can still hear him say something tho you cannot really comprehend what it is; Oh is so hard to breathe, are you even breathing right now? It doesnt feel like it. You feel hot, like you been outside in the sun for too long. You are thirsty, would kill for a glass of water right now. . Your eyes take their sweet time to adjust as you slowly open your eyes, the infirmary roof lights greeting you. Wait, the infirmary? You try to pry your body up, a pair of hands appearing on your vision. Hizashi. Hizashi is here. "Easy now" He helps you to lift your upper body, adjusting the pillows behind you. You are so thanful for that cuz your back still hurts a lot. "He's awake"

"What- What happen?" You mumble, your throat is so dry.

Recovery girls makes her appearence, mumbling something about how dangerous that was and that you need to be more careful.

"Did you know you are wearing a size too small of binder?" There is no anger on her voice but you still feel like a kid being scolded.

"I- I didnt." You sheepely say, avoiding Hizashi's worry look. "I thought it was the correct size?"

The old lady just shake her head, handling you a pamphlet about chest binding. "It can be a bit tricky but you are supposed to wear a binder two times your size. Boy, how long have you been with the same Binder?" You can feel your cheeks burn. "No more binding for the rest of the day, you hear me? Let your poor ribs rest. And a new Binder is in order!"

"Are they gonna be ok?" Hizashi asks her, he carefully takes one of your hands, squezing it a little bit.

"Of course! I trust you will be here with him?" Hizashi only nods. "Wonderful! Then you can guide him throught the breathing excersices I told you!”

"Consider it done ma'am!"

Its an akward silence after Recovery Girl takes her leave. Honestly you are so embarrased that not only you faint in front of Hizashi but that he also carry you to the infirmary? And witness what an idiot you are? Two sizes bigger? You didnt know that! You think a grown ass trans man would know that, apparently not! You feel like crying but dont! That would be even more embarrasing!

"Lets go buy you a new Binder after class"

"Eh?"

Hizashi is still holding your hand, his whole body exhales relief now that you are awake. There is not even a trace of anger, even when he has the right to. "A cooler desing this time. Ok?” You smile as you gave him a little nod. "That's what I like to see! Now lets hit those breathing exercises!"

[bonny-kookoo]

Strong Girl 🔞☁️❤️🎀

🍧 Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

🍧 Genre: Good Girl AU!, slice of Life AU, non-Idol AU, smut

🍧 Warnings: DD/LG themes, so much love it's gross istg, a home accident if that makes you uncomfortable but we aint having a full on world's end dw, hero! Reader, no other way to put it, Koo is so proud, so so proud, showers her in kisses yes please, nsfw themes because it's me what did yall think this was gonna be, finger sucking (forgive me lord for I have sinned-), reader being cute, injuries (mentioned and described), praise kink, oral (oral f. rec.), size kink, strength kink, manhandling, subspace, Dom! Jungkook, Sub!Reader, protected sex because you won’t ever catch me slip HAH!

🍧 Summary: Jungkook is not just your boyfriend- he's your absolute hero, your knight in shining armor, your protector and personal simpBodyguard when he needs to. But sometimes, even little girls can be heroes. And they always get rewarded, in the end.

This is part of the Good Girl Universe! (But can be enjoyed on its own)

Good Girl || Sweet Girl || Smart Girl || Brave Girl || Pretty Girl || Charming Girl || Enticing Girl || Bad Girl || Tempting Girl  || Strong Girl

Taglist: @sweetenedcooky @ggukkieland @btsismybias22 @darkgvk @daddypkj @flowerprincess24 @crazylittlemay @zeharilisharaban @teresaisla @tangledsparkles @dammit-jjk

The first time you said it, it made his heart beat faster.

It was on your way home from grocery shopping, a small bag in your hand as Jungkook held your hand, walking silently. You and him had been slowly but surely become a couple like the one's you always dreamt of being when you were younger- the one that fought sometimes, yes, but would ultimately be together at the end of the day, doing simple tasks such as what you did just now. Jungkook somehow made even boring things such as buying mere groceries interesting, not just by making fun of other customer's outfits, but also by explaining things you didn't know. He loved that he somehow made your eyes light up in wonder whenever he told you about a certain dish he could try out with a vegetable you've never tasted before. Or that awkward moment you said you hated brocolli, just so he could correct you and explain to you that no, you've eaten it a lot actually- he was just really good at making food taste how you liked it. He felt proud when you told him, with magic in your eyes, that he was incredible.

Because when you said it, he really felt like he was.

It all happened so suddenly, you didn't even notice yourself slip out of fear and shock- and even Jungkook didn't notice at first. A stray dog had walked up to you, but, contrary to all those cheesy movies where you'd pet it and it would be on its way quick after, it turned out to be not a stray at all; because the man that owned the big dog was desperately trying to catch up to it, leash in his hand- collar still attached to the hook.

Jungkook had never reacted so quickly in his life before, as he pushed you behind him, sucessfully shielding you from the violently barking saint bernard in front of him. You held onto his jacket in complete terror, mind filling with nothing but the loud barks as you were sure this was a nightmare. Don't get it wrong, you loved dogs- but this one wasn't so sweet.

"I'm so sorry!" The man yelled, slipping the collar back around his dog's neck, making it a bit tighter to make sure his pet was secure this time. "He just slipped out, are you two okay?" He said, and Jungkooks voice spoke out, calm, but firm in its tone.

"We're good, but please make sure to boy a harness or something, sir." He said, and the man apologized again, hurrying on his way while the dog still pulled violently and untamed at the leash.

"Baby? He's gone, you can let go now." Jungkook says with the hint of a smile in his voice, one that quickly vanished however once he feels you sniffling against the fabric of his jacket, as your head shook in denial. "Sweetheart I can't check up on you if you hide like this." He explains calmly, glad that your apartment building was already in sight. He knew that you had probably slipped, and he was unsure how to deal with that in public; it wasn't like he was ashamed of it, but he knew that others would judge you quick and easy, and he didn't want to push you into such a bad situation. "Can Kookie check up on you, baby? You're worrying me." He says, and at that, you slowly let go of the fabric, as he turns around. His heart clenches at the sight, tear stained cheeks and nose all red already. He quats down in front of you for a second as he rubs your arms comfortingly. "There we go, everything's fine, yeah?" You nodded after a moment, but refused to speak. "That was scary, wasn't it?" He asked, and you nodded, still quiet. "Let's go home, okay? We can continue that puzzle we've started yesterday, alright? And Miri is waiting, too!" He said, and at that, you nodded more excitedly, even though you still seemed timid.

But you still held his hand tightly, only letting go once you were in the safety of your own home- calling him your hero with a quiet voice he almost didn't catch.

Jungkook really enjoyed both sides of you.

Just like he did now, searching for the right puzzle pieces to place, silently watching your innocent, concentrated face. In a way, it was healing for him; since he never truly had a good childhood himself, this was somehow like a chance to enjoy all of these things he missed with you- a fact that made all of these experiences even more special to him. "Baby, I don't think that fits there." He chuckled, correcting your placement of a piece that didn't fit the edges of the picture it was trying to build. You huffed, before yawning, eyes glossing over with sleep. "Hm, this one is hard, isn't it?" He asked, running his hand over your head before pushing some hair behind your ear. "I think my baby needs to recharge her batteries, hm?" He asked, but you shook your head after a moment, making him raise his brow in question. "Oh really? Miri, what do you think?" He asked, the dog immediately skipping over, excited to be given attention so suddenly. She immediately went to sniff your face, making you giggle. "See! I knew she'd agree with me!" He said, and you laughed full on when the dog went to lick your cheek. "Alright then, Miri, off!" He called out, the dog immediately stopping her actions at the sound of his voice. Jungkook had been unsure on how to train a puppy at first, but overall, he'd done a pretty good job at keeping her fierce temper under control.

Even throughout her violent phase of chewing on pretty much every fucking thing.

So after making sure you were comfortable on the couch, he simply sat down at the puzzle laid out on the living room floor to continue silently. However, shuffling could be heard as he look towards the couch, where you'd previously been laid down on; your tired form talking towards him with eyes barely open. He chuckled when you simply flopped down close to him on the floor with your blanket, head on his thigh as you sighed in comfort. It was second nature to him almost, the way his hand immediately found your head, gently stroking your hair as you drifted off.

Days like this were nice, he decided.

Typically when you came home, Jungkook would greet you at least with a call. Today however, you heard nothing; something that immediately set something off inside you.

Searching for him wasn't a long process- after unleashing Miri into the apartment, you went straight into the bedroom where he's usually be if he's not feeling too well. And sure enough, there he was- weirdly pale and visibly uncomfortable, even in his sleep. Squatting down in front of the bed, you gently felt his forehead, just to simply detect that he was slightly sweating, but had no fever whatsoever. "Koo?" You asked, and he stirred a little, opening his eyes, a little red looking.

"You're home? I didn't even hear you." He said, before he ran a hand over his face. "Sorry, I think I'm coming down with something." He explained, and you nodded, simply telling him to lay back down and take it easy. You made a mental note to maybe cook something light since he never really had much of an appetite when he was sick.

"Is it just me or is it cold in here?" You asked, brows furrowed as you noticed how chilly it was inside the apartment, despite the heater being set pretty high. Jungkook simply groaned, too tired to move much as he asked you to please close the curtains. You followed his request, worried figure dissapearing out of the bedroom.

However, something didn't sit well with you.

Maybe it was a simple gut feeling, but when the night slowly crept over the town, and you were slowly growing mildly dizzy yourself, you decided to make sure that your suspicions were correct, slowly walking towards the heater in the living room. It was chilly, but the heater was set to full power. And somehow, after looking at Miri whining in her bed, aimlessly pacing around, it seemed to click inside your head.

Jungkook had been home all day since last evening.

The apartment was cold, the heater's on.

Miri was already looking just as bad- and your own headache told you that this was exactly what you thought it was.

You instantly shot up from the couch, knocking your knee into the edge of the table which made you fall- the edge of the table ripping at your skin on your arm, painfully scratching it open. But it was as if you didn't feel it. Ripping the bedroom door open clumsily, you immediately opened the window, turning the heater off, before you went to wake Jungkook- or at least, try. "Kookie! Jungkook, wake up, come on!" You begged, shaking his shoulder as he slowly somehow came to his senses. He wasn't really awake- but he wasnt unconscous either. "Fuck.." You whispered under your breath, grabbing his phone and calling an ambulance- the dispatcher telling you to try and get him outside or to a place with fresh air.

But this was Jeon-I-love-working-out-Jungkook.

There was no way you could carry him all those stairs.

So you ran out the door, uncaring to close it, and knocked at your neighbours door- a familiar face looking at you with surprise. "Y/N?" He asked, visibly stunned to see you; teary eyed, with a bleeding arm, and clearly distressed.

"Namjoon, I think we have a gas leak in our apartment.. Jung-Jungkookie- they said I should get him outside but he's too heavy-" You pressed out, last words a little unclear as you finally broke. Namjoon simply went inside to grab his shoes and keys, before he closed the door, running towards your apartment, where he instantly grabbed Jungkooks arms, trying to somehow get him on his back.

"Jesus christ how much does he fucking weigh-" He swore under his breath, until he got a somewhat secure hold on the younger boy, walking out the door while you grabbed the dog, running after the two with the puppy in your arms.

Outside, the ambulance had just arrived, immediately attending to the both of you.

Seems like you owe Namjoon twice now.

Jungkook woke up with stinging smells and bright lights around him, some birds chirping outside the opened window. His arm felt heavy, fingers tingling slightly, and as his eyes adjusted to his new surroundings, he saw the cause of it.

You, with a bandaged arm, sleeping with your hands grasping his in your slumber.

He gently moved his arm, waking you, as you sleepily looked up at him, eyes suddenly widening as they glistened- a tell-tale sign that you were going to cry. "Thank god!" You said, head burying itself into his chest as he chuckled, a little confused on what was actually happening.

"What happened?" He said, partially also referring to your arm clad in white cloth, his inked hand gently touching it.

"We had a gas leak in our apartment." You explained, sniffling. "At first I thought you were just not feeling well, but then I started to feel unwell too, and Miri.." You went on, his hand running over your head to soothe you a little, noticing how you were getting wound up again. "And then I- I checked online and thought better be safe but you were sleeping, and you looked so bad so I called an ambulance and they said I should get you outside and I really tried-" You explained, and even though it hurt him to see your tears, he couldn't help but chuckle at that in amusement.

"Baby, you tried to carry me?" He asked, and you nodded. "My strong girl!" He teased, full on laughing when you playfully hit his arm to make him stop, a small smile on your lips. "But I highly doubt you got me even out of bed baby." He said, and a familiar voice chimed in from the door of his hospital room.

"No, but she was smart enough to get someone who could." Namjoon explained, casual clothes telling you that he wasn't there for work purpose. "I'm seriously questioning your body though. How the hell do you look like a yoga instructor but weigh as much as a professional wrestler?" Namjoon teased, making Jungkook groan in annoyance.

"Oh my god, now I owe him twice!" He said, playfully exagerating his reaction to the fact that Namjoon had helped them for the second time by now. "Please someone lay me back in my bed, I wanna die!" He said, and you hit his chest.

"No!" You said. "You're ready to leave me and Miri like that?" You said, playfully pouting as you turned away from him.

"Oh baby no, I take it back- nooo, look at me!" He whined out, making grabby hands for your just-out-of-reach sweater you wore, Namjoon laughing as he watched the scene unfold.

A couple of days later, Jungkook and you were sitting in your home again- with the pipes fixed, and plans of moving into a different apartment. For some reason, you didn't truly trust the apartment anymore- but maybe that would settle after a while.

"Hm.." Jungkook mumbled, looking at you as if checking for something, until he moved from his place on the couch, sitting up from his previously laying position. Without many words, he moved you onto his lap, his back resting against the couch, as he held you in place on his thighs. "You know everything's fixed right?" He asked, and you nodded- but he knew you simply answered to reassure him, not yourself. "Baby, I promise we can think about moving if you're really not comfortable- but let's settle down first, yeah?" He said, and you sighed.

"I know its stupid-" You began, but he quickly placed his pointer and ring finger to your lips, effectively shutting you up. You already knew that he'd argue that you weren't stupid, and you knew that- sometimes phrases like these just slipped out. So you playfully snapped after his fingers, making him shoot you a dark glance; a glint in his eyes that told you clearly that he was definitely up to play with you.

"Hm, did they never tell you to not bite the hand that feeds you?" He said, voice deep as he suddenly, and without warning, pulled you closer by your thighs, the abrupt movement forcing you to brace yourself against his chest with your hands, face inches away from his. "Or the hand that gets you off, in our case." He added, making you blush from his words.

You should be used to this by now, but somehow, as weird as it sounded, being together with Jungkook was never the same as the time before. He always found ways to make things different- either by taking it slow, or by introducing you to kinks and fantasies you never even knew were a thing. He loved excitement, loved to try out new things, even if sometimes they would turn out to be something he or you didn't enjoy. Somehow, he always managed to steer things around even if that happened however, turning an awkward situation into a sweet memory in the blink of an eye.

He groaned out lowly when you took his hand again, never breaking eye contact with him while you slowly guided his hand towards your lips- Jungkook instantly taking the hint, as he pushed his first two fingers between your lips, pushing down your tongue;

oh what a sight to see.

Both of his hands wandered towards your neck, never putting pressure- simply touching, holding you, and enjoying just how sweet you were being just for him. He loved these moments with you, these reminders that no matter how useless he felt whenever something didn't go his way, for you, he was always a hero. A knight in shining armor, your Master-

He could feel his pants getting uncomfortable at the thought of those words tumbling from your lips.

He'd probably introduce you to that someday else, because in that moment, he was way too impatient to think clear enough. He'd probably miss important clues that were sometimes so small that he himself wondered how he saw them- because you were dangerously submissive to him. He knew that if he asked, you'd do anything.

Even if you didn't like it.

"Hm.. I wonder if my baby can ride me this time?" He hummed, and you nodded, making him grin as he searched behind him for his hidden condoms in the couch- something you found quite funny at first, but by now you've gotten used to it. "Fuck." He groaned, noticing that there was no contraceptive hidden like it usually was.

"Thats a bad word, kookie." You playfully said, teasing him as he grabbed your behind quite roughly, raising his brow as his jaw clenched.

"Oh I'll make you scream out some bad words." He said, before standing up, throwing you over his shoulder in a manner that seemed to practiced to be simply winged out of nowhere. After all, this wasn't just a one time thing- he loved showing off his strength over you, and you loved it just as much in return.

Your body hitting the matress, Jungkook immediately grabbed your thighs again, pulling you to the edge of the bed where he already kneeled- placing your legs over his shoulders after almost rushing to get your clothes off. There was no gentle touching, no foreplay, he simply dived right in, pitch black eyes darkly watching you as you squirmed, back arching off the mattress every now and then in pleasure once he added the first two fingers into the game he was playing. "No smart words now, hm?" He hummed from his spot between your legs, amusement clear on his face at the sight of your trembling body. "But I'm not gonna let you suffer tonight, baby." He said, licking his lips before crawling over your body, hand reaching for the bedside table where he knew he had condoms stored in. "Take it as-" He said, while shedding his clothes before wrapping his length in the clear protection. "As a reward." He said. "For being my personal guardian angel." He said sweetly, before leaning down to connect his lips with yours. What was an innocent gesture at first, turned heated quite quick however; you would've never guessed, but Jungkook was a pretty messy kisser- open mouthed and tongue running over your lips, all while he guided his length inside you.

One thing Jungkook loved, was just how utterly small you looked underneath him. Not just that- but the way he could feel his own dick move inside you underneath his inked hand placed on your lower belly made him growl deeply as he rolled his hips in a forward motion, eyes fixed on the view he had of your cunt swallowing him as if it was nothing.

You were his.

For a long time, he didn't quite get the hype about saying that your partner belonged to you. For him, that was stupid- you couldn't 'own' a person, so why say that? But nowadays, he finally understood that no, this wasn't about ownership. It was about being able to simply have situations like these; moments of pure emotions and nothing else, with a person so devoted to yourself that you felt as if your entire life had their name.

He was yours.

Because even if he took on a more dominant role in the relationship, and a leading force in the bedroom, you had him in your hands at the end of the day. He was so utterly in love with you it sometimes hurt him to even think about it; the way you looked at him with so much adoration made him melt, the way you touched him with so much care made him feel so loved. He'd glady give his life to you if he had to choose between you and him.

"So sweet, just look at you." He mused, out of breath as he smiled, leaning over you again before kneading your soft breasts with his hands, kissing the delicate skin sweetly as he picked up his pace. "All mine, aren't you?" He said, and you nodded, mewling out something he didn't quite catch- but that was okay. "Gonna fuck you stupid, pretty girl-" He huffed out, biting the skin on your shoulder as he grew more and more sloppy. "Come on baby, cream on my cock," He grunted out, making you squirm- and open your mouth in a silent scream as Jungkooks hand found its way between your bodies, viciously moving his fingers over your most sensitive spot. The quick movement and the pressure of his length inside you finally made you come undone, hands desperately reaching for his arms as if that could save you. The orgasm you experienced made your vision bright, and unbeknownst to you, Jungkook came quickly after, panting to catch his breath, before he discarded the condom.

It took a moment for you to come back around, but when you did, the first thing you noticed was, that you were practically laying across his chest- his hand gently running up and down your arm, kisses being place on the top of your head as he bathed you in praise. "You're so sweet.." He hummed, before he noticed your eyes on him. "Welcome back princess." He grinned cockily, before placing a kiss ontop of your nose. "Come on baby, lets get you washed up and into bed, yeah?" He said, and you simply nodded.

Too tired to talk, and too comfortable in his arms to really move on your own. But that was fine.

He loved carrying you around anyways.

"You know.." Jungkook said, while you were both at the table, eating dinner. "I know I said I was uncomfortable with you calling me daddy, and I still stand by that." He said, and you nodded, unsure where he was going.

"I mean, yeah, you've said that but what does that have to do with-"

Suddenly, he leaned forwards after finishing his plate, eyes sparkling mischieviously. "I wouldn't mind hearing you call me 'Master' though." He hummed out.

And you choked on your fries.

[characcoon]

WELL aint this a lovely surprise that had me giddy for 10 minutes straight, mwah mwah kissing you in the forehead, oh gorgeous, oh this is so cool.

Let us begin answering this huh.

First of, Rise Bishop DOES have a moustache. Assuming that this is him, of course. Look at this guy. Look at his balding lines.

The EPF has been popping in around the movie, in the shadows, and never mentioned. They sent the helicopters the Kraang took down, and they took Sister Kraang by the end of the movie. They been there. Yall better start acknowledging them in your “someone else is the timetraveler” aus or post-movie aus, because this shit has potential and I’d love to see what people can come up with.

Second, yeah I’m making the Kraang be evil alien vegetables. What of it. It’s an alien, it can be based on anything. I’m deciding they’re vegetables, and that the herbicide is actually in fact a herbicide, WITH A TWIST. The key words on those chapters is “different version”. wink wink.

You did get some stuff right, which I applaud you for. I’m not saying what tho, evil chuckle, ahehe. Those are some interesting thoughts. But here’s what I’m willing to reveal right now: the retromutagen. What it does.

I dont think retromutagen should just,, reverse the mutant back to before the mutation. When you think about it, it’s just the “kid-friendly” approach that works for canon. I tend to overthink stuff, so I did, and with the help of one too many documentaries about nuclear radiation disasters and cases, I decided that my fucked up version of anti-mutagen is nothing but radioactive juice.

 When a human gets blasted with radiation way beyond the safe levels, many things can happen. In this one in-real-life case I learned about, the chromossomes responsible for remaking the skin cells got obliterated by radiation and the guy, no longer able to generate new skin, started to rot away slowly while still alive. (because surprise surprise in case yall didn’t knew we humans shed our skin cells and get new ones) (Case’s name: Hisashi Ouchi. DISTURBING CONTENT, SEARCH FURTHER AT YOUR OWN RISK.)

Resuming in the crudest way possible, radiation is a DNA scrambler.

Now, the fiction factor comes in. What if you could aim that radiation to harm one specific thing? The anti-mutagen, as the name says and as is implied in canon, should only work on mutants. It was carefully manipulated to only work on mutants. To only scramble mutant DNA.

Michelangelo did say that if you point a Geiger counter at him, it makes a fun noise. Wink wink.

How did they found out about that? Well, that’s for another chapter.

But wow Cass ty so much for taking the time to write and translate all of this, i’m so grateful sldfkjlfj <3 many loves to you dude wth

Okay. This is it. Theory time.

I'm going to write an essay on "how I love elaborate lore in Mystic Hands by @characcoon " It may or may not be a complete circus, but at least you'll have fun watching me getting it wrong eh?

Okay, first of all, let me put on my clown suit for this performance. Because, I'll be honest, I can only understand 70% of a complex text if I don't use a translator. And the translator also tends to change the meaning of the text.

I'm also writing this essay through a translator and just hoping for the best, so...ahahaha...yeah.

Chapters nine and ten of Mystic Hands gave me something to think about. Mostly because, all of a sudden, Bishop and his lab-military squad turned out to be more than background characters. And let me tell you, I grew up on the 2003 series. I may not remember all the nuances of the plot there very well, but I remember the asshole named Bishop perfectly~ But I'm not sure how similar 2003 Bishop and MH Bishop are, so I'm just...anxious in advance and start looking for things that would ring a bell.

From what I learned in chapters 9 and 10:

Bishop is an asshole.

He has his precious organization.

He also has access to empyrium and a recipe for crafting an incredibly toxic herbicide.

He also has a mustache. ( funny how this part puzzles me the most)

Michelangelo talks about him as a cruel and despicable scumbag who should have been rolled in asphalt at the first opportunity. He also calls Bishop a liar, so I guess in the future Bishop and the turtles have a... "adventure" haha... And of course we all know how fun stories with a cruel scientist and mutants can be. Yep.

This is where I start trying to put the puzzle together.

When Michelangelo sees the glowing blue stuff in the vials he reacts rather emotionally and says it could be a version of a anti-mutagen. He also says that it might help bring Raph back to normal when he asks Donnie to analyze the thing.

Donnie does the analysis.

The so-called "anti-mutagen" turns out to be an herbicide. Yes, very toxic and suspect and containing empyrium, but only herbicide.

In this moment. ONLY at that moment does Michelangelo realize that his information about the substance and its capabilities was wrong. And for SOME reason, it makes him absolutely furious.

And this is where the shit hits the fan.

Everything written above leads me to believe that the Turtles have already dealt with Bishop and his "anti-mutagen" in a bad timeline of the future. Whatever happened, Michelangelo came out of that adventure with the certainty that the blue stuff was a anti-mutagen. Which in itself is not suspicious, because even with his constant sleepovers in Donnie's lab, Michelangelo is still not that advanced a science dude. If he was young enough, Bishop could pour Sprite into a test tube, call it a anti-mutagen, and Michelangelo would buy it.

What a good thing they had Donnie for situations like that, I thought. And then I thought again. A little more anxious.

Did they?

Obviously, if Donnie had participated in the "adventure" with Bishop, he would not have allowed the turtles to call the strange liquid a retromutagen without analyzing it at least ten different ways. Even if Bishop hadn't given him a free sample, Donnie would have found a way to extract as much information as possible. Michelangelo was his lab partner. There was no way he would have missed something that important.

So...I guess at that point in the future, Donny wasn't there. Which leaves me with two possibilities. Either he was dead, or...he was taken out of the game for some reason.

The death option looks pretty straightforward. Donnie wasn't there to take control of the situation, so Bishop could probably afford a lot of free lying.

But I tend to think more about the second option.

Because Michelangelo, after getting into the past, intends to keep Donnie away from Bishop. This cannot be dictated by logic. Donnie, of all turtles, would be best able to consider if Bishop tries to pull something sneaky. Donnie has his technique, his knowledge, and his ability to hack any computer with just a dessert fork and rage. And yet Michelangelo takes Donnie with him into the tunnels. Because I'm sure he's guided not by logic but by fear.

Which leads me to the second option.

Donnie was not there at the time of the "adventure". Maybe physically he was alive, but he wasn't there at that moment of the future. Because Bishop did something to him.

That's why Donnie couldn't discover the lie about the anti-mutagen. And that's why Michelangelo wants to keep his younger version away from Bishop.

Now. This is where my knowledge of the 2003 series comes into the chat. More specifically, about one of my favorite stories from there - season 4 episodes 24 and 25 - "Good Genes."

( These are the episodes in which Donnie mutates, turning into a monster because he was previously stung by one of Bishop's mutants. Donnie's brothers spend a very "fun" amount of time trying to figure out how to cure him, but none of them are smart enough. So they are forced to make a deal with Bishop to reverse Donnie's mutation. Bishop was nice enough to actually do it and at the end of the story Donnie is fine again)

What if. Listen. WHAT IF something like this happened in a bad timeline.

Maybe Donnie was infected by Krang. Maybe he mutated for some other reason. Something happened to him. Something that caused the rest of the turtles to go to Bishop for help, because Donnie was usually the one who solved problems like this and Donnie wasn't there at the time.

This is where I pull out the "squeeze apple juice out of oranges" pokemon, because I'm starting to use information that isn't in the fanfic. We have the art, and the post.

And Donnie is not having a good time there. There's also the idea that the anti-mutagen in Mystic Hands doesn't work as neatly and conveniently as it did in 2003 and 2012. It doesn't turn a hypothetical mutant turtle back into a regular turtle.

The art quite clearly complements this thought.

At first I thought - hey, anti-mutagen works differently. I guess it's because it's supposed to reverse a secondary mutation or Crang infection?

Then I thought again. You know, more thoroughly. Bishop was lying.

There was no anti-mutagen, at least not in the sense that the turtles needed it. They only THOUGHT the thing existed because Bishop convinced them it did.

So. What are the chances that Donnie was infected with something the turtles couldn't handle on their own? So they had to enlist the help of Bishop. But unlike the man in 2003 this Bishop didn't do his part honestly and used some version of the toxic herbicide on Donnie?

What are the chances that at first the herbicide actually worked as a cure for Krang, because in this universe Krangs are apparently very evil vegetables? How long did it take for this substance to start killing Donnie himself? Because there's no way I'm going to believe that this caustic stuff is harmless to living creatures of any kind. Was the herbicide slow enough for the turtles to think the "anti-mutagen" was working and happily celebrate Donnie's healing? Maybe it took hours, maybe days, but my guess is that at some point the herbicide destroyed Donatello, giving enough time before that, however, for Michelangelo to remember that "blue stuff = cure for krangification."

That's why Michelangelo was so furious when he found out the blue stuff wasn't a retromutagen. He realized that Bishop had lied to him by calling this toxic crap a healing possibility. He realized that Donnie, his Donnie from the future, was not healed. He realized that Bishop probably didn't even try to heal him, taking advantage of the incompetence of the turtles.

_________

Either that or Bishop in the future just stole Donnie and experimented on him for fun and science or something. And I just wasted a lot of your and my time for nothing~

Everything I've written here could be complete nonsense haha. And I'm not even sure I used half the terms correctly, because translating things from English into my native language and then translating back is tedious. But I hope that at least this post will be fun to reread when the fanfic plot moves on and mysteries are solved lmao

[secretarykang]

Devyn and the mukamis { headcanons}

when karlheinz told her about the whole adoption thing she thought it was a joke

like?? sir you already have 6 kids (7 with kino) why more kids???

she was nervous bc taking care of the sakamakis was easier since she didn’t really acted as a nanny, she wasn’t with them 24/7

like she trained/tutored them from time to time, even played with them sometimes

nothing too much

but with the mukamis was pretty different

anyway, she meets them for the first time

they looked pretty decent, as far as newly turned vampire kids can look

she aint gonna like, they were sweet

she talked to them, yk introduced herself

told them she’s gonna take care of them

they were shy ofc

two weeks in and she was their mom

and they were her kids

did devyn thought she’ll ever get so attached to any kids? no never but they were lovely

now let’s get to every kid

ruki:

will not call her anything else but miss kang for the longest time

homeboy still tried to play independent

he tried to keep it professional???

he was a bit cold yk, as i said, he tried to be all independent and shit, take a break babe you’re just a kid, it’s her responsibility to take charge not yours

they bonded over books

devyn found him in the library looking at books and recommended him a few

whenever she had to leave them for a few while because of work stuff, she’d come and bring ruki new books

they would also have their little book club thing, choosing a book, reading it and discussing it yk the drill

he would ask her about her favourite books, even asked karlheinz once because he wanted to read the book and surprise her

melted her heart, such a sweet kid

also about ruki wanting to be a bit in charge, he kinda became her right hand

he thought he really was doing 50/50 with devyn, ofc devyn still did 90% of the work, she’s the adult but putting ruki a bit in charge made him happy so she let him do that

her room was closer to ruki’s because he would never come to her when he had a nightmare so devyn made sure to be closer to him in case he had a bad nightmare and needed a hug, emotional suport of any kind

as he got older they really started experimenting in the kitchen

both finding recipes and trying them every week

the rest of the the mukamis and karlheinz where pretty much their “lab rats”

the food was always good but you get it

also he started calling her devyn

just when they were together ofc

and that’s why she told him “since you’re a big boy now you can just call me devyn like the others do”

so he did, but never out in the public, he will be proper

kou:

yk when i said all of them where like her kids

kou was her kid period

( someone made a meme about how kou would call her mom accidentally) he called her mom a lot of times

especially when he was a little kid

as i mentioned, only ruki would refuse to “bother her with his nightmares”, the others would go to her room/office whenever they wanted and needed

so picture this, young baby kou just woke up from one of his awful nightmare, comes in crying, eyes red, runny nose, all the package

“mommy can I sleep here?”

devyn was still doing a bit of paperwork but as soon as she saw him, fuck the paperwork my kid needs me

put the papers away and took him in her arms, caressed him, just trying to calm him down

it worked tho, in 10 minutes (more or less) he was asleep, maybe the best sleep of his life

he did came to sleep in her room more times even if he didn’t had nightmares, azusa too ( ruki and yuuma were still playing “big boys” )

would have duets with devyn all the times

she’d be on piano and he would be on vocals

both of the loved that

so later when he told devyn that he wanted to become an idol, she was all for it

took care of everything to give this boy the career he wanted, would’ve been his manager if she had time for that too

his no. 1 fan

buys every album, every merch, does her best to attend all his concerts

kou would call her at the most ungodly hour to let her hear a new song he’s working on

“hii devyn, can you listen to this and tell me what you think?”

or even asks her to come to the studio

still calls her mom from time to time

yuma:

she instantly knew it’s edgar

if shuu only knew… ufff but she couldn’t say anything

he was really chill

he always is

doesn’t ask for many things, whatever he’s given he takes and says thanks, hugs devyn everytime she does something for him

when he asked for a vegetable garden he was a bit nervous, he was thinking that he might ask for a bit too much

it’s never too much for him, she made sure he had everything he needed for that garden

devyn doesn’t enjoy gardening very much but for yuma, anything

whenever he asked to join him in the garden, she would be there

they’d do work in their cute gardening outfits, very lovely

anyway

devyn’s pretty tall and yuma was always so excited everytime she would measure his height and he’ll get closer to being as tall as her

little did he know that he’ll be taller then her one day

when she’s away he sends her pictures with his plants almost everyday

azusa:

ik i said yuma was a chill kid

azusa was even more chill

like whenever she out him, he’d stay there

loved to sleep in her room even if he didn’t had nightmares (just like kou)

also enjoyed to hug her anytime he got the chance: devyn working in her office, he’d come and cuddle, devyn reading somewhere in the house, he’d come and cuddle

lots of cuddle, you get the idea

the whole knife situation was a bit of shock for devyn, like she tried to understand why he did that, should she let this happening?

it did made him happy so she had to give in

she’d get him nice knives and bandage him after he would get hurt

still very affectionate to her even to his day

overall they’re pretty close to her and vice versa

thanks to them devyn discovered her maternal skills

certified milf

very much a happy family