#and yes jeremy irons Hot in that one

[vonlipvig]

was telling my mom about movies i've seen recently and i know she likes jeremy irons so i went "yeah i watched a really good one with jeremy irons, it was from the 80s, he was really hot" and she goes "oh there's a great one where he plays some twins? they're doctors, it was fantastic..."

OK MOM LIKES DEAD RINGERS 1988. CRONENBERG GIRLIE HERE. SLAY.

[pb-dot]

Film Friday: Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

After my last FF being of a slow burn indie movie of excellent pedigree, I figure it's time to talk about something big and (joyfully) stupid to even things out. I joke, but Dungeons and Dragons have been on my mind these last few days, so why not talk about the movie adaptation. No, not that one, the good one. Trust me, I will get to the Jeremy Irons Chewing The Scenery movie eventually, but today we're talking about Honor Among Thieves.

One of the greatest joy of the current era is that with the mainstream-approximate popularity of Actual Play shows like Critical Role, Dimension 20 and Naddpod, there's a wider understanding of the kind of storytelling that goes on in tabletop roleplaying games. The particular way these stories blend character-focused storytelling with a main plot that usually functions as a lens for said character focus isn't unique to roleplaying necessarily, but it is a central component that this kind of storytelling needs.

As such, Honor isn't a quest for a magical artifact to slay an evil wizard undertaken by brave adventurers, it's more the ongoing catastrophes of a bunch of walking disasters that also happen to feature some looking for magical artifacts and slaying some evil wizards more as a matter of consequence.

To wit, our story follows bard Edgin, Barbarian Holga, Sorcerer Simon (I SEE what you did there), and outcast druid Doric as they attempt to reunite Edgin with his daughter Kira, now the ward of former friend of Edgin, Forge. Complicating matters is that Forge turns out to be a lying, thieving, betraying backstabber who has teamed up with an evil red wizard to rule the town of Neverwinter, and he's not much keen on relinquishing his ward, so it's-a-thieving our adventurers must go.

When I say the storytelling follow the beats of a D&D campaign, that isn't only on the character focus stuff, it's down to the structure of the thing. The band of adventurers plans to preform a heist, but needs a magical artifact to do so, so they enlist a legendary warrior whose hyper-competence and cryptic advice makes him the most obvious GM PC I've ever seen, for the uninitiated is a GM PC is a NPC made to follow the rules of a player character, usually for the GM to get some vicarious playing thrills and/or wrench the plot back on track directly. Together with this hot piece of HP, our heroes fumble some puzzles, circumvent some puzzles and gets into moderate to severe peril, as is tradition.

There's a real sense of fun to the proceedings, and the movie is filled with the kind of gags that might arise from a table full of giddy nerds. Of course the bird-man Jarnathan becomes the most important character in the room for like ten minutes, that's the kind of character players latch on to. Of course, our players have a close call with a pack of Intellect Devourers, who it turns out have no interest in the group. For one nobody plays a class who benefits from high Intelligence, they're also idiots, not that they let that stop them of course.

All of this comes together to create this infectiously enthusiastic film. The action scenes are made somewhat more kinetic than the miniature and/or imagination-based fair it's based on, yes, but there seems to be some attention paid to structuring most of them like D&D fights. The final confrontation with the aforementioned evil wizard in particular has the distinct flow of a climactic campaign-concluding encounter. There's stuff to nitpick, of course, but show me a single D&D group who plays strictly "Rules As Written," and I will tell you that you've shown me some miserable gits that'd be happier playing a video game.

There's obviously a lot of love behind Dungeon and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves, from the writing and directing choices above to using practical effects to show off some more fantastical humanoid races that they didn't really need to show off, although I would be derelict in my duties if I didn't remark that while Tieflings can indeed have human skin colors, it is highly unusual for a player to chose to be anything but blue, red or purple. I'm not saying Sophia Lillis should've been in body paint this entire time, but it could easily be justified.

[callmearcturus]

aw yeah lets do this

S-Tier, AKA the Legitimately Good Tier:

HAWKEYE: Maybe my favorite MCU thing I have ever watched.

+ If you let Jeremy Renner actually act and give him a script, he's fucking great. + Kate Bishop is a perfect mess and I love her, I love she's young and excitable but also takes things seriously, she feels like she's a work in progress, I love her. + MAYA. Holy shit the gravity well of this character, how her presence dictates any scene she is in. Truly stellar. + This entire miniseries is like an extended apology for Hawkeye in every other appearance. "Sorry we dropped the ball with this character so consistently, we will bring the A game here." + The importance of disability. I'm among the ppl who was upset that Hawkeye's disability was dropped, so the way it is centered over and over and over in this, how its practical, how it's funny, how it's sad, how it gives us the most devastatingly emotional scene in all of the MCU yes I am talking about the phone call scene, finally. Fucking finally. + Florence fucking Pugh and her entire charm offensive. + The car chase scene.

- The first episode is unfortunately REALLY slow. - Nah that's all I got. I love this one.

THOR: RAGNAROK

+ "Asgard isn't a place, it's a people" is maybe the most poignant message any MCU film has ever managed. + Literally the funniest movie, but also basically a repair job of character building for everyone in it. + The camerawork in this one makes me so happy. + Tom Hiddleston is given so much to do and he's there with heels on, spectacular. + The giant turret/pegging visual pun, god bless. + Cate Blanchett can kill me.

- uuuuuuuuh. It's not as good as Hawkeye. Yeah.

GOTG Vol 2

+ Sorry but I am a GOTG Truther, I really do think its the one storyline in the MCU that is allowed to get away with really fucking intense character drama because it's not considered "main line." There is a reason ppl rioted when they tried to remove Gunn, and I'm with them. + The only good thing Chris Pratt has done since Parks and Rec. + The way this storyline centers on death and grief is devastating. + Rocket Racoon is the best character in the MCU and we all know it.

- I think the initial treatment of Mantis is REALLY rough even though in the end I think it works, but that's a hell of a hump to get over.

A-TIER, AKA the Great for a MCU Flick Tier:

BLACK PANTHER

+ My biggest problem with the MCU is the creative desert of its set and costume design, the way it feels like nothing is given time to breathe in the creative process. BP is the antithesis of that. I would watch a four hour documentary just on the visual design of this movie, from the architecture to the costumes to the make-up, everything. I don't want to hear from the director or writers, I want to hear four hours of just the craftspeople talking about their work. It's monumental. + Best Villain in the MCU, bar none. + Only MCU film to move me to actual tears in the movie theatre.

- I loved this movie! For the life of me I could not tell you the plot. I understand the plot of every Mission Impossible film but I don't know the plot of this movie. - If this movie was allowed to cut, like, 20 minutes of action and replace it with more character drama, it'd be the best MCU film.

IRON MAN 3

+ The MCU Movie That Pulls Exactly Zero Punches About Being About Mental Health And PTSD Holy Shit + Rhodey and Pepper get so much to do and I like an ensemble piece so much + Shane Black is in love with RDJ and I'm so happy for him + Pepper gets to be a lil monsterfied and that's hot

- Doesn't have Sam Rockwell. - The plot is kinda fully secondary to the character work, which imo is fine, but yanno.

GOTG Vol 1

+ All the stuff I said about GOTG Vol 1

- It's not Vol 2, which benefits from having all the bedrock foundation built by this movie to spring from.

B-TIER, AKA It's Fine I Guess:

IRON MAN 1

It's good! It invented the wheel! Part of it are fucking agonizingly painful to watch in 2023 but it also has more heart than 80% of the franchise so.

IN A CAVE. WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS.

LOKI

Okay it feels shitty of me to judge this one on its technical faults bc apparently it was shot during the pandemic and that causes a lot of the issues with the camerawork, the awkward editing, and just how Weird everything was put together. But also it's REALLY stilted and awkward, which butts up against the good script and the better acting, so IDK man.

Owen Wilson is amazing. Even my mother thought the way they canonized Loki being bi was a cop-out. And the final twist pissed me off. I hope Season 2 is better.

THOR 1

I DUNNO WHAT TO TELL YOU, BUT KENNETH BRANAGH UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT.

DR STRANGE AND THE MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS

This movie is a mess but once i figured out it was trying to be The MCU Does Gothic Horror, I was a lot more on board. It has all the flaws of the original Dr Strange and is hard to visually follow like most MCU films, but also has America Chavez, who I adore.

IRON MAN 2

It has Sam Rockwell, I don't give a fuck.

C-TIER, AKA I wish I cared but I do not 8C

DR STRANGE

I dunno I like the actual character of Strange weirdly, I like what a complete fucking asshole he is, I like his god complex and how he reacts to his disability as a surgeon. On the other hand what the fuck is Tilda Swinton doing here, this is just awful. My biggest issue with this film is that it didn't have to be this terrible but every decision made about it feels so fucking thoughtless and myopic.

WANDAVISION

yanno. i cannot even explain why i fell off this so hard. Like, this one Had Me all the way up to and including the Agatha reveal, but like the final episodes after that reveal somehow left me completely cold and uncaring. it's genuinely weird.

D-TIER, AKA Oh my god no thank you

AVENGERS

I hate the writing. Like, I haaaaate the writing. I feel like the only likeable relationship in this is Tony and Bruce, and that does not carry this movie. The quip-driven writing, the way the need for a joke supercedes naturalistic voices and dialogue making sense, it pisses me off. I hate the writing. Heartless movie.

BLACK WIDOW

oh my god i'm actively angry at this movie okay because for the first 20 minutes, I was like "wait, is this going to be a real movie," because it felt smaller, the action felt more realistic, that fight between the Widow and Yelena in the beginning felt like it could have been out of MI: Fallout, and the other fight between Natasha and Yelena in the safehouse was also good, I really thought for a few moments that this could be Good

and then it just took a hard right into The MCU Tries And Fails To Make MI: Fallout (They Even Stole The Mask Gag, What The Fuck Was That) and not only was I disappointed, I was like retroactively pissed for the 20 minutes when I had hope in my heart. If not for David Harbour's character, I would have just left in the middle of this movie.

AVENGERS: ENDGAME

Its not at bad as Infinity War! Nebula and Rocket carried this movie on their fucking backs. But what do I know, I liked Renner's mohawk of sadness.

F-Tier, AKA Fuck This Movie

INFINITY WAR

Fuck this movie with a rusted steel dildo, fuck this entire fucking movie, I despise it. The writing is so actively fucking terrible I want to fistfight whoever is responsible. I fucking hate the attempts to humanize Thanos over how sad he is about the daughter he abused and then murdered, boo fucking hoo, I hate the joylessness of the superhero combinations, I hate the quip-driven writing, I hate this movie with a burning passion. This might be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Soulless and destitute.

[sn4pozu]

how Richard Trager uses Instagram (yes, he would use Instagram):

this is Pre-Engine Rick because realistically post-engine Rick would have other things to worry about besides instagram

30 stories a day, from dawn till dawn again this man is addicted to the layout

doesn't use stickers because hes a grown man BUT HE DOES HAVE A BITMOJI THAT HE USES RELIGIOUSLY

its half office reels, half food pics, and a quarter just rants

overuses tags to hell, even randomly mid sentence , example: "#Amazing day today at @MurkoffOfficial ! this #Work ain't doin itself 📋💻👍🏻 #Workday #Monday #Officeday #ADayInMyLife #Job"

sometimes thinks that Murkoff should totally have a social media account, he knows its dumb but he cant help wanting more followers 😔

"Suns out guns out! #Sunday with my bud @JeremyBlaireOfficial" and its a picture of them in a golf cart holding champagne (not gay, just besties)

Not to sneak in my RickJer agenda but in my minds eye they signed eachothers golf clubs

tags the location if he could he would

username is something obnoxious like 'RichardTragerOfficial' like nobody know u lil bro 😭😭😭

buys likes and followers to feed his ego

4k followers thats like 85% bots

" @McDonaldsOffical Never fails 😂😂😂 #hangovermeal #NoRegrets" and its a fish fillet with the most inhuman bite you've ever seen taken out of it

WOULD POST A SWEATY GYM MAT AND TAG THE GYM AND IT'D HAVE A DUMB CAPTION LIKE "Workout Wednesdays! 🏋🏼‍♂️💪#Wednesday #Gym #Exercise #GymPic #Muscles" HE LACKS SELF AWARENESS DONT LAUGH

would 'ironically' comment "Hot! 🔥🔥🔥" on a mans gym pic and would slutshame a womans gym butt pic

"he hurts every woman hes ever met because his true soulmate is a man" - Sock-rates

he would unironically use hashtags in a sentence for fun, also urges Jer to be more active on Instagram

imagine the most white grown man, now add curly blonde hair, uhuh now give him a gay sweater, now make him homophobic & gay, yep .thats him officer

HAS gotten scammed on instagram, he threathened legal action and got his money back and deleted their account after a week tho

weekday streaks exist to him, no hes not a middle schooler hes actually 30

look at me in the eyes and tell me he wouldn't make fun of feminism in the comments section of those LibzDunked accounts

his Close Friends stories are just aftermaths after nights out, its either him drunk posting or filming himself talking to the camera about his hangover

its just Jer and a few other friends but it has the same intimacy of homosexuality

theres one video where hes drunk and actually tripped and fell so comically its been 7 months and Jer still makes fun of him for it (laughs along but actually hates it like viscerally)

he has 3 phones, both iphones and one is a samsung flip (he wanted the hype), a work phone, home phone, and his normal phone, why does he need so much? why is he not robbed yet? we will never know....

replies to those awareness posts about war in the middle east and goes like "damn.. thats unfortunate 💔 hearts goes out to them 🙏 @Chriswalker89"

most menacing instagram white man, cyberbullies as a past time and has 5 alts just focused on Harrassment+ Stalking people

he'd doxx which hospital your mother is staying in with no shame

"If you don't take that back I'm injecting your mothers spine with brain eating parasites" and he means that for real

would post corny atheist memes & misinformation

induces paranoia as a hobby "Yes ma'am i am a licensed doctor vaccines Do cause autism" as a treat

he fucks around too much one day his main gets suspended and he calls Instagram customer services

if you wouldn't think he'd try to hook up with an instagram influencer you are a liar

weekly self-help book recommendations that he doesn't read and actually just gets payed 7$ per link

im not saying he would make an alt to just hype up his own photos but he would.....do that.....

also gets blackmailed his own dick pic but whatever that was in the past

on a side note Jeremy does have a year old instagram account that only has 2 pictures (both just bar pics of him posing with a glass of wine like an idiot) and his entire Tagged section is just RICHARD TAGGING HIM IN ANYTHING

[madly-empirical]

Has Hollywood Gone Batty? 

L.A. TIMES ARCHIVES

AUG. 29, 1993 12 AM PT 

Bravo to author Anne Rice (“Interview With the Vampire’s Picky Creator,” Film Clips, Aug. 22) for having the courage and honesty to publicly voice what thousands of her readers have been crying about for weeks: Tom Cruise is totally miscast as the Vampire Lestat.

Producer David Geffen is dead wrong about casting being solely a director’s choice. As members of the moviegoing public are the ones whose money will dictate how successful the film is or is not, any of the film’s financiers would be smart to listen to them (a great example of this would be the public’s choice of Clark Gable for “Gone With the Wind”).

If the screenplay remains true to its source in its dealings with the homoerotic relationship between the two lead vampires (as well as some subsidiary fangsters they meet along the way), I doubt that anyone could truly conjure the hopelessly hetero Cruise as a character actor strong enough to overcome his more-than-well-established screen persona of boy next door. His support from Geffen, himself only recently out of the closet, is curious, to say the least.

I find it ironic that the long-awaited transition of “Interview With the Vampire” from novel to screen is falling victim to another kind of bloodsucker--the Hollywood kind.

DAVE HUTCHINSON

Mission Viejo

P.S. Besides Jeremy Irons and Daniel Day-Lewis, how about three other fellow Brits for consideration, all with neck-biting experience? Gary Oldman has played gay men and king vampires with a lot of success. Or how about Julian Sands, from the low-budget wonder “Tale of a Vampire,” just released on video? And of course there’s always Ben Cross, who recently hung up his cape as Barnabas Collins in the “Dark Shadows” revival.

*

Fans of “Interview With the Vampire,” be they Cruise fans or not, must surely be aghast at his casting as Lestat. The milk-and-cookies star has neither the physical presence nor the range as an actor to effectively play the role.

Think of Dana Carvey as Dirty Harry, and you can see how implausible is the casting of Cruise as Lestat. Cruise flashing those fangs for the first time will likely engender unwarranted laughter from the audience, just as Carvey as Dirty Harry would saying “Make my day.”

With the attachment of director Neil Jordan to the project, this book seemed destined to become a fully realized artistic success after languishing for 15 years waiting to be made. Jordan should be capable of properly tackling the homoerotic elements of Rice’s sensual story, as he so ably proved with his tale of sexual ambiguity in “The Crying Game.”

Cruise’s experiment in stretching his acting range may be as painful for his audience to watch as Sylvester Stallone’s pathetic forays into comedy have been. And with the potential for a $200-million box office due to the wide public regard for Rice’s novel and the bunch-o-hunks cast producer Geffen has assembled, it is not likely that any changes will be forthcoming (as in Cruise realizing he is very wrong for the part and backing out).

Cruise as the Interviewer, yes. Cruise as Lestat (I’m still trying to stop laughing), no.

JEFF SOFTLEY

Los Angeles

*

Are they out of their cotton-picking minds? Say it ain’t so, Joe!

Back in 1978, when Rice’s “Interview With the Vampire” was first considered for a film adaptation, there was a short-lived plan to star John Travolta as the tormented vampire Louis. Now that scheme is look back on as preposterous.

But here it is 1993, and fans of Rice’s novel are forced to endure the same thing all over again, this time in the far more serious threat of Tom Cruise. Once again, the powers that be have decided to cast a young, “hot” actor they think will best pull in the big bucks, the character be damned (no pun intended).

But what was a bad idea in ’78 is a bad idea in ‘93, and oh, what a character to sacrifice! Here is a character so strong and affecting that he renders poet, novelist and National Public Radio commentator Andrei Codrescu, your Aug. 8 cover subject, momentarily speechless, and causes this same, nominally sane man to state, with apparent conviction, that an imaginary being “lives” in the Lafayette Cemetery.

Where Hollywood has erred, I think, is in the casting of such a familiar actor in the role. Vampires in general, and Lestat in particular, get their kick from their alien-ness, from their difference from the mundane. Tom Cruise is too well-known, too famous and too, well, Tom Cruise to achieve the kind of chilling strangeness the role demands.

If seems so sad to me that the studios give so much weight to the opinions of test audiences once their films are made and the money has been spent. Just this once, it would be nice if they’d listen to their audience before the damage is done.

LAURA S. KING

Anaheim

*

And I thought I was the only one offended by the selection of Cruise to play Lestat. Finally someone with sense speaks out. Thank you, Anne Rice!

Cruise, while perfectly able to play the All-American type, is not cut out to play this most ambivalent (in every sense of the word) character. If producer Geffen and director Jordan would get over the grosses of “The Firm” for just one moment, they would see the inherent problems with this gross miscasting.

Lestat is tall and sinewy, French and aristocratic, the owner of a long, blond mane. In other films, these characteristics might be altered, but not in this case. Many of Lestat’s physical characteristics are direct results of his having become a vampire.

The main problem with the casting of Cruise--indeed the casting of any of the “Vampire Chronicles” characters--is that reader identification and affection are unusually high; readers of the “Chronicles” feel that the characters are their friends. Rice is one of the best writers today at visualization. Reading one of her books is like creating a little movie in the mind. And it is highly unlikely that anyone was imagining Cruise as the vampire everyone loves to lust.

Mr. Geffen, Mr. Jordan, the box-office receipts will swell if you follow the book and the characterizations it outlines as faithfully as possible. Trust me.

ADELE BAYLESS

Los Angeles

*

There hasn’t been such bad casting since “The Bonfire of the Vanities,” and I suggest that producer Geffen look at the box office for that one, despite its being based on a best-selling novel, when he says casting is the job of the director, not a public opinion poll.

Perhaps, with Cruise as Lestat, all of Anne Rice’s fans will just stay home and reread “Interview With the Vampire.”

E. M. BECKMAN

North Hollywood

*

I concur, as would anyone with any taste and insight, that the Vampire Lestat must be played by someone with maturity, character, pathos and vulnerability, not a pasty-faced weakling.

What a shame. A marvelous story and movie are being ruined.

MICHAEL H. SUKOFF

Santa Ana

*

Cruise as the Vampire Lestat is inspired. To compliment this brilliance, Jordan and Geffen should consider cameos by Beavis and Butt-head. Heh-heh-heh.

MICHAEL ROBERTS

Twentynine Palms

*

Cruise as Lestat? Why not Bugs Bunny or Sylvester the Cat, and make it a real cartoon?

Tom Cruise--never!

GARY MANNING

Hollywood

[ladyseidr]

okay but flirting and dirty talk headcanons except they're short-ish. one bullet point per fn.af muse.

henry is way more shy romantically than he appears. tends to go for compliments-as-flirting above all else. gets bolder as a relationship progresses, and obviously can get so Nasty ( affectionate ) with his dirty talk. mild-mannered guy who says unspeakable things during sex <3

michael is like zero to 60 so fast. he's too self-conscious to flirt early on in general. he gets a little bolder with time, but even then he's kind of. awkward abt it. guy who ( with his committed partner ) can go from being too embarrassed to call them attractive to, after getting 1% horny, hitting them with the "i need you to fuck me"

vanessa flirts with compliments as well, like she falls prey to the whole "i complimented a woman and i can't tell if she responded in a gay way or a straight way." not super confident with flirting, although she's super verbally affectionate with a partner. gets flustered when dirty talking, but that doesn't mean she doesn't like doing it hehe

jeremy is a blunt flirter, 100%. his big one literally is just "you're so hot." WILL flirt by offering someone a ride on his motorcycle. will also dirty talk by saying super corny shit like "why don't we save gas and you ride me instead" FKDSHFKSDSAL

rory grows out of some of his awkwardness as an adult, but he's still very like. "what if i flirt and he laughs at me?" can be super flirty with a partner, in honestly very romantic ways. absolutely stumbles over his words and gets flustered with a stranger. dirty talk-wise, he's bolder but still takes some coaxing out of his shell to get vulgar with it.

elise is to-the-point. for her, "testing the waters" means making it abundantly clear what she's looking for. not shy to comment on appearance or to outright ask someone out / back to her place / etc. dirty talking? literally more of the same. very forthright and not embarrassed in the slightest.

jayne is BIG on humor for flirting ( i've said this before ), but she likes getting corny with it lmao. WILL use pickup lines but very ironically, just looking for a laugh. dirty talks but with an edge of the same humor. not easy to embarrass and pretty open about being interested in someone if she's getting good signals.

harper is a combination of like. forthright but with buildup. he tries to make sure there's mutual interest before throwing it all out there. also big on humor both in and out of the bedroom. their dirty talking is like... overconfident but in a funny, sexy way.

julianna is definitely the type to flirt very subtly at first. yes i think it's funny that she is my henry's wife. she's sensitive to rejection and worried abt making a move on someone who isn't interested. however, the moment she's Certain? she's muuuuch bolder. dirty talk is the same, and she loves phone sex just to top it off lmao

[thatscarletflycatcher]

Given that I'm on a North and South streak, have my dream cast for a mid 90s North and South:

Margaret Hale: Kate Beckinsale

The dark hair! The proud, regal air! The eyes! Not the mouth, and the jaw, or the flesh... but... well, we cannot have everything.

John Thornton: Mark Strong

He's big, he's imposing, he's bulldog-like and undeniably non-posh. AND HE HAS THE DRAMA.

Look at them, I don't care I'm alone in this, they were perfect:

Mrs. Thornton: Judi Dench

Do I need to comment on this one?

Mrs. Shaw: Lindsay Duncan

Sorry, it's very difficult to find pictures of her for some reason

Mrs. Hale: Francesca Annis

This is mostly about me wanting her to get a Gaskell hat trick is that too much to ask

Mr Hale: Geoffrey Beevers

Fanny Thornton: Polly Maberly

Yes, yes, I know adaptations like 2004 love to throw in the "she doesn't look like the rest of her family because she's different but that's not me, sorry, recessive genes come to die in my fancastings.

Bessy Higgins: Claire Danes

It's a cliché for a reason.

Nicholas Higgins: Peter Capaldi

Listen, listen, finding this sort of angular man between 40 and 45, British, in the 90s is a task, don't judge me hard on this one. It almost went to Jeremy Irons, so.

Frederick Hale: Rupert Penry-Jones

Look, this one is mainly the meme (Persuasion, sailor) but also Frederick needs just three things: hotness, blue eyes, and enthusiasm bordering in mania, and RPJ had those three in spades in Jane Eyre, so... Besides, it is my idea that he does resemble his mom's side.

Edith Shaw: Samantha Morton

Three people from Emma 1997, you say, and I answer: yes, she's gorgeous and she can play sweet and she's underrated. I'm not sorry.

Mr. Henry Lennox: Ian Glen

Does this one need any commentary? XD

Captain Lennox: Hugh Laurie

Shhhh I know they were both in their thirties, indulge me.

Mr. Bell: Patrick Stewart

For old times' sake (1975) but also because I think he can pull off the jokester.

Boulcher: Robert Carlyle

Peter Capaldi and Robert Carlyle having a shouting match over the union? yes, please.

[6rookie-writer0110]

I don't know. Might further the plot.?

Male Reader x Avengers Cast

Request- Do you think you could make a Avengers cast X Male reader & his talking about his past & saying his been in juvenile detention & jail cause he had a rough childhood & his friend (oc) always helped him and stayed by his side & helped him get into drama class & he was good at it & now his new movie is coming out & it's about helping his character with his depression, suicidal thoughts & he meets his love interest who becomes his girlfriend in real life & her character helps him through depression

Your childhood was rough because your father would hit you physically and mentally abuse you. Your mother would do the same, also she would call you horrible names. Your father is known for selling drugs and always gambling. Your mother is a drunk and always high on drugs. You barely went to school and if you did you would cause problems.

You have always been on a rough path, your rap sheet is long as the train tracks. You didn't go to school often because you were in juvenile detention, many people gave up on you. When your turned eighteenth, you were in and out of jail. Since your parents didn't care for you they didn't pay for your bail. The longest sentence you did in prison was eight years.

After getting out of prison, you packed what you had left, took the van, and stole from your parents. You stole your dad’s pot to make quick cash.

As days went on you slept in your van. You would sell pot, with that money you would buy food and fill up the van. It's the middle of the night and you are sleeping, your best friend John Krasinski, banged on the van. You opened the door and you tackled him to the ground.

”Dude it's me!!!” John yelled.

You were about to punch him.

”What the fuck!?” You yelled.

You get off him and he gets off the ground.

”You almost gave a heart attack!!” You yelled.

It's freezing because it's November.

”I heard what happened. I came to get you and tell you to move in with me” John said.

You and John Krasinski have been friends for a long time. You trust him and only him. He has been there for you many times and never left your side.

”I don't know men. I can't even pay rent on time and I won't get a job from nine to five” You said.

”Just move in before you freeze to death,” John said.

”Fine,” You said.

-----

The next day, you start to help John run his lines. He is trying out for a role on a show called the office. You always help him run his lines, even in high school when he tried to the school play. He told you to try out for the school play but you said no.

”Y/N, you should really get into acting. You are really good and you should think about being an actor” John said.

”Don’t lie to me,” You said.

”I’m serious. With more training then you will become a better actor. I think you should take a shot at it. Now you are not doing anything with your life, take a chance” John said.

You have always been into acting but never took it seriously. You start to think and you are unsure what he said.

”I will think about it,” You said.

”Okay. Give me a ride?” John said.

”Yeah sure,” You said.

John goes to acting classes also he pays for you to go. At first, you hesitated to go but you didn't have money to pay for the classes. But you promised him that you will pay him back later on.

✧ ✯ ✧ ✫

John has been helping you become a better actor. But he can't help all the time because he has his own life. You get one role for acting but it was to be an extra, you took it paid $200.

You tried out for a role to start in an Iron man movie, it was for a small role but you didn't get it. And you can't afford to do headshots.

”What’s your name?” He asked.

”Y/N... I really like your movies, ” You said.

”I saw your audition. I see you have potential but you need acting lessons” Robert said.

”I can't afford it. Most times, I sleep in my van and doing random jobs” You said.

You watched every single movie that Robert Downey Jr. Did.

”I will help you and I will be your mentor,” Robert said.

”No way!!” You sad very loud.

You can't stop smiling and he is serious. You are still speechless and can't stop smiling. Later, you told John about it and he is happy for you. Robert will let you live with him but you told him, to repay him back you will do chores around the house.

-----

You are happy that you get to sleep in a new bed. Every day he gives you lessons for acting. He tells how to bring the characters to life and cry on cue. You always run lines with him and he tells you what you do wrong.

” Besides my best friend, you are the only one who ever believed in me,” You said.

He hugged you and you did cry a little bit, he starts to rub your back.

”It’s okay. Let it all out. You are a good person, you are the only one that has control for your future” Robert said.

You wipe the tears away.

”That means a lot,” You said with a small smile.

✧ ✯ ✧ ✫

You have been getting small roles on tv shows and some indie movies. You always give it your all and you keep improving in each role you get.

You got your big break to appear in The Avengers in the first movie. You got the role of Marcus "Marc" Milton aka Hyperion.

Hyperion possesses great physical strength. Between 75 and 100 tons. Marcus Milton was able to hold two piles of the earth apart to prevent them from colliding with each other for a period of time, confront the Hulk blow-for-blow until the Hulk reverted back to human form. He also does not require air, food, or water to survive as long as his body absorbs Solar energy. Also, he is a Trucker, adventurer, vigilante, former teacher.

---

But you didn't have a role in Avengers: Age of Ultron. For the first movie, you invited John to the movie premiere.

With the cast, you get along with them really well. Sometimes play pranks each other, make each other laugh during sets, and more. You and Robert still have a good relationship, he is still your mentor. John always supports you in any role you get. During an interview, you said you hope gets a role in a Marvel movie.

✧ ✯ ✧ ✫

You decided to take a chance to make your own movie. It took a while for your script to be completed. You meet Elizabeth Olsen for the first time and she got the lead role. She will play your love interest in the movie.

While shooting the movie during sets and offset, you and Elizabeth would spend time together. She does invite you to her house and you always yes. Always making each other laugh and you like to stare at her green eyes.

”You should help me cook more often,” Elizabeth said.

You laughed.

”Only to help you. My parents never taught me how to cook or taught me anything positive” You said.

”You still don't talk to your parents?” Elizabeth asked.

”No. They did contact me two months ago, pretending they care about me. They only called because I am famous. I don't want to give them a second chance, they made my childhood a living hell” You said.

She hugged you and it caught you off guard, but you did hug her back. Later, you and Elizabeth eat dinner outside in the backyard and kept talking. Later, she taught you how to make smores and you love it.

-----

You and Elizabeth go to the beach because it's very hot in California. You start to help put sunblock on Elizabeth’s back and the paparazzi take pictures of everything.

You told her you don't know how to swim, she decided to teach you how to swim. She teaches you the basics and how to breathe underwater. You come out of the water and you start to cough. She starts to pat your back.

”Did you swallow the water?” Elizabeth asked.

You nod and coughed again.

”Y-yeah. It's hard to breathe underwater” You sad.

”It’s not and I will keep teaching you,” Elizabeth said.

Again she teaches you how to breathe underwater. The paparazzi take pictures of when she kissed you.

----

Working on a movie that is dark, you and Elizabeth try to make each other laugh. She would take pictures with you and post it on her Instagram account. You are sitting down on your chair and you are using your phone. She takes a picture of you and writes something.

So cute when he is focused 😍

✧ ✯ ✧ ✫

You did appear in the other movies Avengers: Infinity War and Endgame. Now you go on promo tours with the cast, it's always fun with them. You did talk about your character Hyperion.

”i will appear in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier and Loki. But I won't say what will happen for now” You said.

”Can you tell us about your new movie?” He asked.

You nod.

”My character has depression and he is suicidal. He meets his love interest who becomes his girlfriend, who is played by, Elizabeth Olsen and her character helps him through everything. It's hard for him to believe that anyone truly cares for him and she proves that she does care for him. Robert also worked on the movie has a co-writer and producer” You said.

”Is everyone invited to the movie premiere?” He asked.

”Of course not. I don't get along with them, they are such divas and horrible to work with” You joked.

Everyone starts to laugh.

”Why are you laughing? It's true” You said.

”I hate Y/N, I'm so happy I won't see him again. And I won't go to his movie premiere” Scarlett Johansson joked.

”I agree with her” Chris Evans joked.

”You have to tell us. Are you really Elizabeth Olsen’s boyfriend?” He asked.

”I knew you two were going to end up dating,” Jeremy said.

”Is it true?” He asked.

”Yeah-”

”How did you even ask her to be your girlfriend?” Mark asked.

”She lost a bet in Uno, duh. How else I would be her boyfriend” and you are serious about it.

That didn't happen.

----

You are finally home and Elizabeth is staying the night over. You do enjoy cooking together with her. You and Elizabeth watch the new movie Scoob while eating dinner.

”I saw the interview,” Elizabeth said.

”What do you think?” You asked.

She laughed and drinks her wine.

”Can't believe I lost in Uno and we are stuck together” Elizabeth teased.

You and Elizabeth laughed.

”You could have won if cheated but it's not my fault you lost” You winked.

”You are such a doofus” Elizabeth laughed.

You laughed too. Elizabeth again stole a hoodie from you. It's cold and she loves wearing your hoodies, you like how she looks in it so you don't say anything about it.

✧ ✯ ✧ ✫

Since you said Elizabeth lost in Uno, when she does interviews they ask her about it. She goes along with it.

The night of the movie premiere, Robert and the others arrived to support you. Everyone posed for the cameras, you are not serious because you are making everyone laugh.

[raysofcrosby]

NOW THAT I FOUND YOU – M. BARZAL

requested: yes | no

warning(s): cursing, slight mentions of sex, but other than that, nothing.

word count: 5,868

authors note: welcome to my new series :) i have no idea how long this is going to last, but i’m pretty excited for it. so, first things first, considering what i have planned for the character of jeremy, i didn’t want to use a real rangers player. so jeremy is a fictional dude on the team. i think that’s it for now, i’m not really sure what else i can think of about this series. so, oh well, enjoy :)

my masterlist | stuff i have planned | who i’ll write for | requests

"I can't take it anymore!" Tito said, storming into the locker room and stomping his way over to his cubby. "I am literally going to take her to the Brooklyn bridge and throw her into the Hudson."

Mat looked up from his skates and over at his best friend as he plopped down into his cubby, huffing, and puffing as he got undressed. He looked over at Anders, who was looking at Brass...the three of them all sharing confused looks at their locker neighbor. "Uh, you okay over there Tito?" Anders asked, looking at Mat for at least the slightest hint as to what he could be rambling on about.

"No clue," Mat mouthed, shrugging his shoulders and looking back down as he continued to tie his skate.

"No, I'm not okay," Tito tossed his sweatshirt into his cubby and stepped out of his joggers. "Does anyone want a newly 22-year-old female college student? Because I have one and I'm not opposed to passing her off before I result to murder."

"I'm pretty sure that is illegal, buddy," Jordan said, walking by and patting him on the shoulder. "Both are, actually. Like, highly illegal."

"Oh, God Tito," Matt said, coming out from the bathrooms. "What are you bitching about now?"

"She ironed my underwear." Tito tugged on his pants over his compression shorts and sighed, shaking his head.

"What?" Mat laughed, reaching behind him and grabbing his compression shirt.

"Y/N...she ironed my underwear," he stood up and turned towards his cubby, pulling a pair of ironed boxers out of the duffle he had carried in with him and turned back towards the guys. "I went to grab a pair this morning and I was greeted with this! They're stiff, feel powdery and quite frankly smell like shit–"

"Are you sure that's the soap and not just your horrible hygiene?" Matt joked, tossing a water bottle at him.

"Manchuk...Matty," Tito smiled, turning in their direction. "How do you two feel about having a live-in nanny? Her cooking skills are subpar unless even worse if the recipe comes off of Pinterest. She consumes more wine than water– but she's great with kids."

"I'm just finding it hard to believe your only problem with Y/N is the fact she ironed your underwear," Jordan said, shaking his head. "What's the catch?"

"Yeah, there's got to be something else that has you considering pre-meditated murder," Matt chimed in with a loud laugh.

"I NEED TO GET LAID, all right?!" Tito yelled, tossing his ironed pair of boxers back into the duffle bag. "I need to have hot, drunken sex with a stranger who lets herself out in the morning! I need to get laid so fucking bad, but I can't do it with my sister in the room across from mine! It's gross."

The locker room was silent as his teammates just stared at him. Mat wanted to laugh at his best friend but didn't want to do it at his expense. Sure, he'd been there a time or two, what young guy in his 20's hasn't. But never had he yelled about it to his teammates in such an exaggerated fashion. "Have you thought about telling her that?" Mat asked, grabbing his practice jersey and sliding it on over his head. "Y/N's pretty reasonable, I'm sure she'd agree to go to a friends or something for the night."

"Oh yeah, let me just go ahead and tell my little sister, 'hey, do you mind getting out of the apartment for the night? I need to get my dick sucked. Thanks, don't tell mom!'" Tito sat down to put on his skates, giving Mat a sarcastic look. "Does that sound good to you, Barzy?"

"I don't know about Barzy, but that sounds great to me," Matt laughed as he tied his pants. "Why is she staying at your place? I thought she was in Uni? Doesn't she have a dorm?"

"Nope, she followed her doucheface of a boyfriend down here and he convinced her to stay in his apartment instead of getting a dorm." He stood up and reached into his locker, grabbing his practice jersey. "Next thing I know, she shows up at my door crying, saying they broke up and she's been at my place ever since."

Mat remembered that night. He and Tito were pre-gaming, finishing off their drinks, and waiting for the uber to arrive. They were coming off of a high, absolutely destroying the Maple Leafs 5-0 and that high followed them home. Everyone on the team was going out– it was a well called for a celebration, even the guys with families at home. Normally, the team would pregame together before taking ubers over to whatever club or bar they decided to take over for the night. But those who did have kids at home wanted to stop at home and say goodnight to their wives and kids before heading out.

They were talking about whether or not they wanted to wait up here for the uber or wait down on the street when a knock barely made noise about Tito's playlist. Mat thought he had heard something but wasn't sure if he had confused it with the bass or not. So, he brushed it off. It wasn't until a small break in the song when the two of them could hear three rapid knocks, followed by the sound of your voice coming from the other side of the door, did they know that you were there.

Mat was closest to the door, so he was the one who walked over and looked through the peephole. He knew it was you just based on the sound of your voice from when you knocked, but, it didn't hurt to be safe and check to see who was at the door– that way Tito couldn't blame him if he let a random into his apartment. He recognized the hoodie you were wearing, it was the Beauvillier Islanders hoodie that Tito had gotten you for your birthday just this past summer. Mat told him it was a stupid gift, but Tito laughed, saying that it was his way of tricking you into finally wearing something in support of him since you had stopped wearing Islanders gear the moment you started dating Jeremy last fall. A Rangers player you had met on a girls' night out in the city. "A mix of interests" as your excuse, and Tito was bothered that his sister wouldn't wear his team's logo anymore– but instead, the logo on their top rival.

It was a mess, but one that Mat never, ever wanted to get involved with.

But there you were, dripping wet from the thunderstorm that had been hovering over the city from the moment he walked into Barclay to play. You had the hood on your head and you were avoiding eye-contact with the door– but he knew it was you. So, he opened the door with no hesitations, barely getting out a simple hi before you brushed by him and darted down the hallway, a door slamming behind you.

Tito, in true fashion, paused his music and stomped after you, mumbling about how you were just going to stroll into his apartment, that he pays for, and slam his doors without even saying hello. Mat remembered laughing, just because the Beauvillier sibling dynamic was an interesting one. He came back a few moments later, shoving his phone into his pocket and walked over to Mat. He said that he couldn't get much out of you but the fact that you and Jeremy had broken up and he needed to pay the cab driver downstairs $40 for driving you from Manhattan.

Tito was a good brother. He could be a huge pain in the ass, sure. You and he had had more than your fair shares of endless, rigorous chirping fights that most of the time, left Mat standing there just looking between the two of you like he was watching a match. But still to this day, Mat could never understand why Tito didn't seem all that bothered about how abruptly you had walked into his apartment. Tito had you and Francis, and more often than not, always brushed you off as one of the guys thanks to your tomboy upbringing. Mat had a sister and she's dated one too many assholes for his liking, so he could spot it from a mile away.

Your face was swollen and red and he was more than positive that you had cried the entire car ride there.

And you've been living at Tito's ever since.

"I'm serious, I need her to leave," Tito was following behind him as they left the locker room to head out to the rink. "And I can't just kick her out."

"You literally just talked about shoving her into the Hudson," Jordan laughed, shaking his head. "I think you can do something as simple as, 'hey, maybe you should find someone to stay with for a while.'"

Tito just rolled his eyes as he stepped out onto the ice, skating beside Matt. "I'm serious Barzy, I think she's driving me insane."

"It was one incident, Tito," Mat said, shaking his head. "Y/N isn't that bad."

"It wasn't just one incident," they cut the corner, Mat pushing himself ahead. "She almost burnt down my kitchen trying to make breakup cupcakes. She's redecorated my bathroom with bath bombs and make-up, she even got rid of my Shrek shower curtain!"

"To be fair, that's your guest bathroom and that Shrek shower curtain was hideous"

"Regardless! She's slowly taking over my entire apartment and turning it into her...her...her stupid lovesick breakup reno project!" He tossed his arms up in the air, letting them fall back down and almost hitting Brass in the head. "Oops, sorry bud!"

Mat laughed as they cut another corner, shaking his head. "Have you ever tried talking to her?"

"No, because then she'd get her puppy eyes all going and I'd feel like even more of a douche for wanting her out." He huffed, shaking his head. "I need an excuse, something to just...get her out for a few weeks until I can find her someplace to stay for the rest of the year. Then plead with her housing office to find her a dorm."

"I don't know what to tell you, man." Mat said, skating ahead.

"I'll come up with something, I'm sure I can cash in a favor somewhere." Tito sighed, as the two of them joined the rest of their team at center ice for stretching.

Mat just laughed, shaking his head at his best friend. Sure, if he was in the same position, it wouldn't exactly be his ideal living situation to have his sister living across the hall– but he definitely wouldn't be as against it. At least, he didn't think so.

~

"I've figured it out."

Mat felt his foot slip against the wet tile and his heart practically jumped out of his chest as the slipping feeling. He held his right arm out, holding himself steady against the tile before ducking his head beneath the shower head, letting the conditioner rinse from his hair. He looked over his shoulder to see Tito standing at the opening of the shower area, freshly showered with a towel wrapped around his waist. "Yeah, can we not talk about this right now?"

"I'm just letting you know, I figured it out." Tito smiled, nodding before walking away from the shower.

Mat shook his head, spitting out some water before turning off the water and grabbing the towel he had hung up just to the right. He wrapped it around his waist, shaking his head as he ran his fingers through his hair to get all of the excess water out. He almost dreaded making his way back towards the locker room. Tito had been pestering him all practice, trying to make him come up with ways he could kick you out.

Fake an insect infestation? No, then he'd have to leave his apartment too.

Figure out a way to get some flooding in her room? But then he'd have to hire someone to clean up all of the water.

Every outrageous idea possible had crossed his mind and Mat had to listen to it for the entire practice. As if the practice itself hadn't been draining on him, listening to him go on and on was even more.  But, he was playing the best friend role, and did say he would help him on one condition– it didn't involve hurting your feelings.

"Great, you're here, now listen–"

"No to the insects. No to an animal break-in and we already decided that pouring water on her stuff and saying a pipe was leaking wouldn't work," Mat said, sitting down in his locker and looking at Tito. "What in the hell could you have come up with now?"

"Remember how I said I could cash in a favor?"

Mat nodded, standing up and grabbing his street clothes as he turned his back to Tito. "Yeah, did you figure it out?"

"I sure did."

Mat stepped into his boxer briefs and dropped the towel as he picked up his joggers. "All right? And who's the poor sucker?" Tito hadn't replied as fast as he had been and Mat would be lying if he said it wasn't a little concerning. He tugged the waistband of his joggers up before turning to see Tito smiling at him. "What are you looking at?"

"I'm looking at the poor sucker who owes me a favor." He had his classic shit-eating smirk on his face, the kind cameras always zoomed in the moment he checked someone hard.

Mat blinked once, twice, three times before the reality set in. His brain was racing through every recent time he spent with Tito, never once remembering an event where he said that he owed him a favor. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You owe me a–"

"Yeah, yeah, I know what you said," Mat put his arms through his sweatshirt, tugging his down and over his head before running his fingers through his hair again. "But I don't know what you're talking about. When did I ever owe you a favor?"

"When I saved your ass that night at Nest when you were picking up the redhead but that hot tinder girl with blue hair you invited showed up." Tito stood up and walked over to Mat, still smiling. "I performed the perfect, switcharoo maneuver so that the redhead never noticed you took tinder girl home."

"You took the redhead home! How is that helping me?" Mat turned towards his locker and grabbed his phone and Gatorade, shaking his head. "Besides, that was two years ago."

"It was a win for both of us! You didn't get totally bitchslapped in the club and I got laid," Tito followed behind him, staying on his heels. "It may have been two years ago, but you still said, 'Tito, man...I owe you one.'"

"I don't–"

Tito cut him off, standing in front of him as they stood in the hall. He crossed his arms, his smile falling from his face. "And now I'm cashing it in. You're helping me get Y/N out of my apartment."

Mat rolled his eyes, resting his hands on his hips. "And how exactly am I supposed to help you with that? You've literally exhausted every plausible option." When Tito didn't come up with a reply, Mat just shook his head and brushed by him.

"I've got an idea bro, I swear," He jogged up behind him as they walked out of the arena to head towards the parking lot. "But, you're probably not going to like it."

As the crisp fall air greeted them, Mat could hear the voice in the back of his head telling him not to entertain Tito. A gut feeling deep inside that this wasn't going to work out– none of Tito's ideas ever worked out. "What is it?"

Tito hesitated, unsure just how his best friend would reply. Sure, he's had plenty of other crazy ideas before– but this one might just be way out there. But he didn't care, he was a young, physical and thriving man in his early 20's– and at this point, he didn't care about logical reasoning. He just desperately needed to get laid. And if that meant brushing his sister off onto his best friend, he'd do it.

"You're going to pretend you're utterly heartbroken from some break up and can't be alone–"

Mat stopped in his tracks, whipping around to Tito with wide eyes. "Dude what the–"

"Y/N is a total empath and when I tell her all about your emotional turmoil and that I don't know how to help, she'll no doubt step in. Then I'll just figure something out to keep her out of my apartment and boom, problem solved."

"Problem not solved!" Mat yelled, waving his hand at Tito. "Your problem literally has about a million plot holes in it!"

Tito closed his eyes and took a deep breath, sighing before opening them and looking at Mat. "I'm going to need you to hear me out before you say no– which, may I remind you, isn't an option anyway."

Mat took a deep breath and sighed, knowing damn well that somewhere down the line, he'd regret this very moment he even gave Tito the chance to explain. Even his initial explanation seemed so fucking stupid that there was no way it could ever work out. But maybe, if he allowed him to explain, he'd realize just how unrealistic his plan was, and just drop the entire idea then man up and tell Y/N to stay with a friend. "Fine," he stopped at his car, unlocking it so Tito could get into the passenger seat. "But you're buying lunch."

~

This was such a bad idea– he knew it would be. From the moment the suggestion left Tito's mouth the first time, Mat knew it wouldn't work. There's no way it could. Hell, even Liana said it was when he called her for advice after his lunch. And as far as common sense goes, he likes to think that Liana has a lot more

Tito's plan stayed the same– Mat was supposed to play brokenhearted and after lunch, the two of them would go over to his apartment, where you would be home from class. Tito would comment on how Mat 'hasn't been the same' and make a joke about how the two of you should just live together in your misery. You, the empath that you were, would take an interest in Mat's "broken heart" and offer to help in any way. Tito, knowing Mat was actually in the middle of turning the third guest bedroom in his apartment into a man-cave/gaming room and how much you love decorating, I.E. his bathroom, would suggest that maybe you could help him with that too.

It wouldn't work, Mat was convinced of that from the moment the entire idea left Tito's mouth. He'd known you almost as long as he knew Tito, meeting you the summer after the 2015 IIHF World U18 Championship. You were only a year younger than them both and for the three weeks that Mat had stayed with your family, he felt like he got to know you pretty well. You guys weren't best friends by any means, but you were definitely good friends. Your friendship growing when you decided to transfer to Fordham and when you weren't hanging out with Jeremy or your classmates, you were with Tito, Mat, and their teammates.

Needless to say, he was confident walking into the apartment knowing that there was no way that you would fall for this horrible excuse. You wouldn't leave your room in Tito's apartment to come and stay with Mat because he was "too brokenhearted to function." But leave it to Tito to think that you would fall for it. He tried not to break character, he really did. But how the hell was he supposed to pretend to be brokenhearted from a failed relationship, when he's never felt that?

He's had relationships before, sure. Break-ups? Absolutely. But none so bad that he felt like he wanted to drink himself into a slumber or just hide under the covers for the rest of time. He had outlets to get out any negative emotion. He had hockey and he had the boxing classes he attended with Tito every now and again. Besides that, he never had strong feelings for someone to the point where he was feeling what you were feeling.

As predicted, you had agreed to go with Tito and Mat over to Mat's apartment to see just what he had to deal with. He felt a twinge of guilt when you started to ask the simple questions:

How are you feeling?

Do you want to talk about it?

What happened?

He and Tito hadn't gotten that far in the plan– creating a backstory, which should have been another sign that this was never going to end well. So, on the ride to his apartment, he just stuck with short answered replies– "fine" "not yet" "it's still too soon." And he wanted nothing more than to smack Tito in the passenger seat, who was trying his damndest not to laugh.

When they got to the apartment hours later, Mat led you to the third guest room, showing you just everything he had. In a corner on tarps, he had three cans of paint, all unopened and a bunch of painting supplies. In the middle of the room, boxed furniture he'd been too lazy to move. He was barely focused on what you were saying when he felt his phone vibrate and saw Tito nodding at him.

Tito: see? i told u. total diy/renovator. you could get free labor out of this.

Mat: one problem there, bud. she doesn't seem too keen to get out of your apartment. all she's done is offer to take me to lunch for the next week to 'talk about my feelings'

Tito: okay? go talk about your feelings.

Mat: I DON'T HAVE ANY FEELINGS

Mat: I DON'T HAVE A RECENT EX-GIRLFRIEND

"Are you two okay?" You asked, almost scaring the two boys. Mat shoved his phone back into his jacket pocket, staring at you with wide eyes. You had an eyebrow raised and looked awfully suspicious of them both.

"Do you guys want dinner?" Tito asked, already heading towards the door. "I can order some pizzas from down the street."

"That's okay," You said, following him towards the door. "I've got this new enchilada recipe I wanted to try and–"

"No!" Tito couldn't be any less obvious that he didn't want you to follow him, his raised voice causing you to step back and look at him in shock. "I uh, I mean...I already ordered them. Barzy and I talked about it...right?"

Mat glared at Tito, wishing deep down that this plan would fail, but knowing that he couldn't leave his best friend out to dry. "Yeah...we did." He turned to you, crossing his arms. "Hope that's okay."

"No, it's fine," you replied, nodding. "Pizza is good."

Tito clapped his hands together and smiled. "Great, I'll be right back!"

He couldn't have run out of the apartment any faster, leaving you and Mat there standing in the middle of the room. This wasn't part of the plan and Mat was pissed. He stared at the door, contemplating telling you about your brother's ulterior motive to all of this– but it wouldn't hurt Tito...it would hurt you. So he decided against it and turned to you, sighing. "We can go wait in the living room for him to come back."

You nodded and followed him out of the guest room, walking down the hallway. "Can I have something to drink?"

"Water? Wine?" He asked, waving you over to the couch as he stopped in the kitchen. "Tequila?" God, how he wanted a drink. At least it might alleviate the headache Tito's antics were causing.

"It's Monday," you laughed, leaning against the back of the couch. "I guess I could go for some wine."

"White or Red?"

"You have both?"

He laughed, turning around and placing two unopened bottles– one of each. "My mom likes red, I like white. It's her leftover bottle from when she was here a two weeks ago."

"I'll take a glass of white, thank you."

He nodded, putting the bottle of red back into the fridge before moving towards his cabinets and opening the drinking glasses– reaching up to the top and grabbing two wine glasses. When he turned back around, he looked over at you, ready to say something, but he stopped.

You were still leaning against the back of his couch, left arm draped across your stomach as the other held onto your phone. You were chewing on the inside of your cheek, your eyes glued to the screen. He normally wouldn't think anything of it, except for the look on your face. Even from where he was standing, he could notice the frown and the way that your eyebrows were burrowed towards each other. He noticed your fingers on your left hand were fidgeting, plucking at your Fordham long sleeve. Everything about you standing there was just...small, quiet– radiating energy that said, 'I don't want anyone to see me.' Which, in all of the years that he knew you, was the complete opposite of who you were.

He couldn't help but wonder what the hell Jeremy did to screw you up this bad.

He poured your glasses, putting the cork back into the bottle, and made his way to you. You were so lost in your phone, that it wasn't until he cleared his throat, that you realized he was standing there.

"Oh," you stood up a little straighter, putting your phone into your front pocket before taking the wine glass from him. "Sorry, I was just..."

"No need," he said, waving you off. "I don't need an explanation." He walked around the couch and sat down, nodding at you to join him.

You sighed, taking a sip of your wine before sitting down beside him, sinking back against the cushion. "So, Tito hasn't tried taking you to a strip club to help you out of your breakup funk?"

Mat laughed, his head leaning back against the cushion. "No, he hasn't," he took a sip of the wine, tilting his head to the side. "I don't think he'd leave if he did."

"He tried to offer to drop me off at that knockoff Magic Mike, two days ago." He looked at you like you had two heads, his mind spinning in circles at just how long Tito has been trying to get you out of his apartment. "It didn't work, it's not my scene."

"Male strippers?"

"Male strippers that aren't the cast of Magic Mike," you joked, laughing softly as you stared down into your wine. "I don't know, I just haven't really been in the mood to do anything besides go to class and sleep."

He wasn't sure how to reply. Even with Liana, he'd never really been that open with talking to her about his relationships or hers. That was a no-touch topic in their siblingship– only ever talking about it, just to say that they were seeing someone new. Never what happened during or after. Not to mention, he was supposed to be like you, heartbroken. He tried to copy your mannerisms– slumped into the couch, relaxed face– he even went as far as to try and tell himself to copy the tone in your voice.

But all he felt was guilt for playing into Tito's scheme and a genuine need to talk to you about what happened. He just didn't know how to go about it.

Your phone rang before he could ask you the dreaded 'how are you feeling' question, and you sighed, digging your phone out of your pocket and putting your wine glass down on the table. "What, Anthony?"

Mat held back his laughter as he took a sip of his wine. One thing was for sure, your attitude towards your brother hadn't changed from pre-breakup. He looked at you, your eyebrows knitted together as you brought your hand up to your forehead, rubbing it. "What do you mean? Is my stuff–" you sighed, closing your eyes. "No, you won't get electrocuted if you–"

He reached out, bumping his elbow against yours and raising an eyebrow. "Everything okay?"

You looked at him, shaking your head as you pulled your phone away from your ear. "He forgot his wallet at home and went back to the apartment– I guess something leaked and my bathroom and room are flooded."

Mat had to act like he was surprised, but if anything he was pissed. This was the one scenario that they didn't agree on– simply because it wasn't fucking plausible. "Well have you talked to him? Maybe there's–"

Your head fell back against the cushion and you closed your eyes, sighing. "I didn't leave a faucet on, I didn't even go into my bathroom before we– can you stop interrupting me?"

He could hear Tito rambling on through the other side of the phone, no doubt barely giving you time to talk because he didn't want you to fill in the gaps of his fake story. "Well, where am I supposed to go?"

Mat chewed on his bottom lip, bringing the glass up to his lips as he knew this was when Tito was suggesting that you stay with him. He couldn't look at you because the guilt was taking over. He could tell you were stressed and obviously, Tito hadn't been exaggerating at just how bad you were after the breakup with Jeremy. And if he looked at you any longer, the guilt would swallow him up and he'd cave in and tell you everything.

"No, I'm not asking–" you sighed, taking a few deep breaths and exhaling before speaking again. "Because Anthony, it's rude! "

Mat felt like reaching over and grabbing your phone, ending the plan then and there. But again, he knew that the Beauvillier sibling dynamic was a lot different than any other one. Tito knew when to stop pushing, you were his sister after all. So, he sat next to you, sipping on his wine and waited for you to ask the question they'd been pushing you to do all along.

"Can you just...ask, please?" His eyes went wide the moment he heard the emotion in your whispered reply. "I can't just...move everything, I don't even have everything. It's all at Jer–" you stopped yourself, sitting up and hunching over, resting your head in your free hand. "And he said that's all that was available?"

He kept sneaking looks at you from the corner of his eye, trying to gauge whether or not the emotion in your voice was leading to tears. He brought his phone out of his jacket, opening to type a message to Tito.

"Fine, I'll...I'll just ask," he froze as you turned to him, holding your phone away from your ear. "Hey Mat?"

He placed his phone face down and away from your sight of vision you couldn't see that he was about to send a text to Tito. "Yeah?" Yikes, that wasn't casual enough. "What's up?" Better.

You were holding back tears and for the first time, he could see the dark circles beneath your eyes, still peaking out from whatever make-up you had put on that morning. Yeah, this plan wasn't good– this on was definitely a punch in the gut. "Do you think I could stay here? I don't have much and I–"

"Yeah, no," he cleared his throat. "No, I mean yeah...you can. I've got the guest bedroom."

You nodded, looking away from him and brought the phone back up to your ear. "There, happy?"

Oh, you have no idea how happy Tito was, was all that Mat could think as he brought his phone back out. "Can I at least come and get some stuff to– Yeah...okay. Yeah, see you."

You hung up the phone and your head fell back against the cushion, eyes closed. Mat looked at you, wondering whether or not he should dare to see if you were okay. He started to reach a hand out to nudge your arm when his phone vibrated.

Tito: IT WORKED! I'M FREE!

Tito: well...at least for the next week i am. i’ll need to figure out another excuse for the extra week i guess.

Mat: dude...i don't think this is a good idea. y/n's like...really emotional right now.

Tito: AND I'M GOING ON A TWO WEEK DRYSPELL.

Mat: okay, get laid tonight and let her come back.

Tito: nope. i'm using all seven days of this time and look on the bright side, now you'll get the guestroom done faster than you planned.

Mat: are you at least coming back with the pizza?

Tito: no, just her clothes. caroline is coming over in an hour.

He laughed in disbelief, shaking his head as he looked at you– still lying in the same position from when you hung up the phone.

Mat: dude, you so owe me one.

Tito: 👍🏻

Mat put his phone back into his jacket pocket and turned to you. He was sure that the movement on the couch would have been enough to get you to open your eyes– but you didn't budge. He reached out and nudged your arm and you opened your eyes and turned to look at him. "What do you think about Chinese?"

"Let me guess, he's not getting the pizza?" You asked, drained of any energy.

Mat bit the inside of his cheek, shaking his head. "No, he said they were packed," the lie was a lot better than telling her the truth. "If you're not feeling Chinese, we can go to Chipotle?"

"I don't know," you sighed, picking up the wine glass and taking a long sip. "Do you think we'd miss him?"

Not in a million years. Even if they did, he'd just drop the bag of belongings in front of Mat's door, no doubt.

"I'll buy you a large guac and a large queso," He smiled, shrugging his shoulders. "Free of charge."

"You had me at large guac." You looked at him and then back at your wine glass, downing the rest before placing it back onto the table and turning towards Mat. "Besides, he's the one who didn't bother to offer me the couch in the new 1 bedroom he'd be staying in until everything is fixed. He can wait a few extra minutes if we're not back in time."

Mat just nodded, standing up with you and playing into your mood. "Yeah, fuck that guy."

You laughed, and for the first time since he walked into yours and Tito’s apartment...he saw you smile. He felt proud of himself for being able to cheer you up in some way. And maybe, he thought, if Tito wasn't going to look out for you...he could.

It was only for seven days, how bad could it be?

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

definitive VERY SERIOUS ranking of MCU characters, best to trash

Gamora and Nebula - tied for first place because prickly, traumatized assassin women? that’s my shit. prickly, traumatized assassin women working through their issues TOGETHER and growing closer as sisters? YEAH, babey! that’s the shit! I love them and they deserved arcs that loved them, too. biggest injustice in the MCU.

Thor - absolutely excellent. amazing work. distinguished slut vibes and a radiant beam on sunshine in this shithole world. again, never saw Endgame, but he deserved better.

Sam Wilson - going strong since 2014, babey. just an all-around great guy, good for him finally getting his own show. will I be watching it? absolutely not. not a force on god’s green earth could make me care enough to pirate a marvel television show in this the year of our lord and savior 2020, even if he is a very cool dude with wings. 

Bucky Barnes - all the fun of Steve but no moral quandaries because everything bad that he did happened when he was being controlled by nazis and he feels really bad about it uwu

Peter Parker - yes OBVIOUSLY the movies did Peter dirty, we’ve all seen a fucking essay about it, making him Iron Man Jr was wack and being poor doesn’t look like that, but he’s cute and fun and I like Tom Holland, who was the emotional anchor who forced me to keep giving a sliver of a shit during Infinity War. Far From Home was pretty not good but would I see another Spider-Man movie? fuck, maybe.

Steve Rogers - idk I just think he’s neat. really love how he’s shaped like a dorito and hates nazis.

James Rhodes - I don’t think Rhodey’s ever said or done anything that wasn’t iconic and for that he deserves to be exactly one spot above his idiot best friend.

Tony Stark - I hold possibly the most unpopular opinion on Tony Stark on this entire hellsite, which is that he’s just fine. he’s fun sometimes, he’s irritating sometimes, he made some points during Civil War. he should probably lose more points for being a former war profiteer but if I started digging into comic book logic too much I’d have to change my url because Batman cooperates with cops and endangers children, so idk.

T’Challa - I don’t remember a TON about T’Challa’s actual personality because it’s been like 4 years since Black Panther came out and he had like 2 lines in Infinity War, but he’s a powerful nerd/jock multiclasser who spends most of his time surrounded by women who are very smart and dangerous and much cooler than him and I really respect that.

Natasha Romanoff - Natasha is difficult to rank because for a long time her dominant defining characteristic was being The Girl One, which means she has a different personality in pretty much every movie, and it was never interesting. if Marvel had rubbed two brain cells together and given her a solo movie between 2012 and 2015 she might have fared better, but alas. press F in the chat for Nat’s potential.

Groot, Rocket, Drax, Mantis - I love these funky socially incompetent aliens. more of them, please.

Bruce Banner - only interesting in Ragnarok when he’s Thor’s anxious comedic foil and boyfriend; thank you for that small gift, Taika. I never saw Endgame because I love myself, so I don’t know anything about professor Hulk and I don’t want to.

Peter Quill - fun in theory but loses points for being such a painful walking embodiment of the extremely heterosexual “idiot manchild gets hot competent gf by virtue of being white cishet protagonist man.” shut the fuck up she’s way too good for him.

Wanda Maximoff - despite all of Joss Whedon’s best efforts I really liked her in Age of Ultron and then my love for her just decreased with each subsequent appearance. like Natasha she was increasingly a different character each time; by Infinity War she didn’t have her accent anymore as if Elizabeth Olsen realized nobody else on set would remember or care about Wanda’s previous portrayals. on god I liked her so much that I was even down to root for her and Vision but then the majority of it happened offscreen and lost me forever. 

Pietro Maximoff - mmm watcha saaaaaay

Hope Van Dyne - cooler than Ant-Man but not by much. should have been a lesbian and kissed Pepper Potts in the moonlight. 

Carol Danvers - fuck dude idk, I’ve never seen a movie she’s in lmao

Ant-Man - the recurring joke with this bitch seems to be “haha can you believe he exists? that’s dumb!” and it is. it is dumb. why did we need him? it could have all payed off with him crawling up Thanos’ asshole and exploding but we didn’t even get that. bullshit. 

Vision - man, fuck, I tried to put him higher on the list than Peter Quill and I couldn’t make myself do it. that’s how goddamn boring Vision was. and you know what? fuck it, we’re putting him lower than Pietro, too. and even Ant-Man! we’re scraping the bottom of the barrel here and he deserves it because I can’t think of one thing this dude did that I enjoyed other than being bad at cooking when he was trying to impress a girl.

Doctor Strange - I’m not going to make a Benedict Cumberbatch joke because that’s low hanging fruit but all I know is that this is the dude who’s mean to Tony in a horny way for five minutes of Infinity War. I never saw his movie, heard it was racist tho. and they didn’t even learn their lesson before they made Iron Fist! smh bombastic colonialism.

Clint Barton - last place because in the absence of a personality or interesting character arc I’m forced to judge him on the fact that Jeremy Renner radiates bad vibes and that in Endgame he gets a makeover that makes him look like he’d call me slurs for telling him to stop hitting on 16 year old girls at a gas station.

[luvreyn]

Manhwa List (2019) pt. 1

As a very picky reader, I shall recommend stories that grab my attention and captivated my heart and soulll!

Who Made Me A Princess 

Summary: 

The beautiful Athanasia was killed at the hands of her own biological father, Claude de Alger Obelia, the cold-blooded emperor! It’s just a silly bedtime story… until one woman wakes up to suddenly find she’s become that unfortunate princess! She needs a plan to survive her doomed fate, and time is running out. Will she go with Plan A, live as quietly as possible without being noticed by the infamous emperor? Plan B, collect enough money to escape the palace? Or will she be stuck with Plan C, sweet-talking her way into her father’s good graces?!

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- i mean, who havent read this godsent golden story??? p.s you’re missing out if you havent

- PLOT: 100/5 yes i love this so much basically this is a story that i didnt even know i needed 

- ART STYLE = perfect for my taste so 100/5

- loveable characters like the MC (my bb athy deserves the world ok)

- developed/complex characters whose motivations and goals are seens

- CLAUDE IS THE DADDIEST AMONG THE DADDIES I SAID WHAT I SAID

- CLAUDE AND ATHY (their father-daughter moments are all precious they are the b e  s t)

- CLAUDE AND DIANA (i love that diana’s love for athy knows no bounds *cries in filipino* and that claude loves her too much they r pure golden couple)

- BASICALLY CLAUDE IS A STRONG FACTOR WHY I’M READING THIS

i mean c’mon???

- ATHANASIA DE ALGER OBELIA

- L U C A S 

- FELIX - who can resist this loyal knight of the crimson blood?

- L I L Y 

- CLAUDE DE ALGER OBELIA

- ana is hot even though he’s bad

- C L A U D E AND A T H A N A S I A 

Lady Baby

Summary:

Calliope has suffered through nature's law and many accidents. Her family was murdered and an ongoing war ended her life, but she traveled back in time to when she was born?! While Calliope slowly grows, will she be able to figure out who killed her family and stop them in time?

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- lippe basically returned to when she was a child to found out who killed her fam

- plot = 3/5 (it was interesting in the beginning but it’s dragging slowly for now so)

- art style - 4/5

- warning: the ml is not the brother’s bestfriend ok 

- ml is a cunning, handsome man who like appeared or was mentioned at the 30 or 40-ish chapters

- her brothers are hot 

- the whole fam adores my bb lippe

- the whole world a d o r e s my baby

- manipulative mc who uses her charm against her enemies? count me in 

- almost all the characters (except for the bad ones) are pleasing to the eyes

- the manhwa is light read so far with all of them adoring the queen lippie

- F A M I L Y M O M E N T S ARE GOLD 

The Fantasie of a Stepmother

Summary:

They called her the Iron Widow. When her husband died, he left her to manage not only his vast holdings but also his four children. Young and inexperienced, Shuri nonetheless tried her best to raise them, despite their bitter attitude towards her. She is finally free to live her own life as her eldest son marries... only to find herself mysteriously reset to seven years ago—the night of her husband's funeral. Can Shuri find happiness with this second chance at a new destiny?

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- SHULI

- plot = 5/5

- art style = 4.5/5

- JEREMY

- the whole fam dynamic is wonderful although i really thought that jeremy (blond hair) is ml but thank goodness (and poor my otp) he’s not

- THE TWINS

- the crown prince is quite the looker too

- basically shuli just wants to protect her precious little monsters so dont hurt them or she’ll kill you

- her little monsters are her best warriors too so dont try them

- BASICALLY JUST DONT TOUCH THEM OR I’LL SCREAM

Miss Not-So-Sidekick

Summary:

Hyejung loved to read to escape her daily stress. But that's before she woke up inside the bizarre world of her favorite novel! Instead of the main heroine who courts three eligible men, she is now Latte Ectrie - a minor villain that everyone hates?! One way or another, it's a chance to live out her most beloved storyline, with popcorn in hand to watch all the drama! Taking charge of the narrative takes on a whole new meaning!

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- the best comedy/romance manhwa i’ve read so far

- plot is ok

- art style = tbh, i didn’t read it at first bcuz of the art style but i guess it grew on me

- their facial expressions are daebak

- ARWIN IS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN THE OTHER CHARACTERS SOMETIMES TBH

- no one’s funnier than latte

- light read so if you’re stressed about lyf and just want to laugh and be happy then read this

- arwin is beauty, arwin is grace, he will kill you with a smile on his face

The Flower That Was Bloomed by the Cloud

Summary:

Hong Lyon, a pitiful young princess with only a title, but no power nor authority, meets a young boy named Dowun who offers to help her become a true royal princess… but at what cost?

WHY YOU SHOULD READ:

- not your typical shoujo

- art style 3.5/5

- plot 6/5

- P O L I T I C S

- D O W U N (idk but i love cunning and manipulative mls)

- we dunno who the love interest is tbh

- BOW DOWN TO QUEEN H O N G  L Y O N

- she is beauty, she is grace, she is the one and only empress

- read if you like politics and history

- don’t read if you want romance because this is more than that

[curlytemple]

niche interests list 

okay sure yes this is fun! i havent posted a thing like this in such a long time. thank you new gal pal @scottspack for tagging me! 

pigs????

alright first lets throw it back to preschool! my fav childhood toys were my baby doll (snookums) and a plush pig that my grandma got me that i just called ‘pig’ ...i watched the babe movies countless times, and piglet? that anxious little guy GETS ME bro. when my preschool did a nativity play and my class got to choose an animal to be in baby jesus’ manger, my mother recalls me saying that i would be a pig because jewish people (jesus christ) wouldnt eat me. she has no idea how or when i learned about kosher foods. ironically despite my namesake i was too afraid of the movie charlotte’s web to watch it more than once because the scary farmer tries to kill wilbur for being small and the pretty spider dies. 

sugar creek gang 

OKAY this is a book series from the 40s-70s about a group of christian little boys in indiana who went on adventures in the woods and helped people. my dad read a LOT of chapter books to me as bedtime stories when i was little (see also the mandie series, nancy drew and the hardy boys, little house on the prairie) but sugar creek gang is one that really hit. i read all 36 books with dad and at least once again on my own. there was a series of 4 or 5 movies in the early 2000s when i was the Perfect age to have a crush on most if not all of them. this might be too much detail but i have to tell you about these boys. we WILL not be revisiting the heavy religious themes. 

 the narrator is bill who is Good and Kind and wants to be a doctor when he grows up. his best friend is a chubby boy nicknamed poetry because he memorizes and quotes poems, he is the Detective of the group. BIG JIM is the leader of the group who is supposed to be like, 14, which was very cool and hot, to me. and yes there is a little jim, who is the baby of the group. then there is CIRCUS who is known for his climbing and acrobatics, and his FIVE SISTERS AND BEAUTIFUL SINGING VOICE. dreamboy. i’m almost done listing boys, i promise. a boy called dragonfly who is allergic to everything and hella superstitious. later in the series a new boy named tom moves to town and tom has an older brother bob who is NOT A CHRISTIAN (bully) 

tangentially, the buttercream gang, a movie from 1992 that was almost definitely made by some christians who grew up reading the sugar creek gang series which i’m guessing on vibes alone. will spare you Good Boy details but scott is in love with his best friend pete who moves to chicago and falls in with a bad crowd and scott just refuses to stop LOVING HIM. very gay christian film in retrospect. 

peter pan

so i know liking disney’s peter pan isnt niche, but it was the way i liked it. tinker bell stan from day one, i watched all of those disney fairies movies, even the ones that came out after i was definitely not intended audience. there was an online pixie hollow game where you could design your own fairies and play mini games where you gathered dew drops or something. had a HUGE CRUSH on jeremy sumpter in peter pan (2003) then i got really darkly obsessed with the idea of growing up when i was 12 or 13, and everything peter pan was deeply My Shit for my entire adolescence. i read the original book and every other twisted version of the story i could find and seriously freaked myself out about wasting my youth. 

shug

you’ve probably heard of jenny han now, or at least the netflix adaptations for to all the boys i’ve loved before and the sequel ps i still love you (always and forever, lara jean, coming soon?) but before she wrote THOSE, she wrote my first ever Favorite Book, about annemarie “shug” wilcox, a girl in the summer before starting middle school. it is SO engraved on my heart i cannot explain. i felt so incredibly understood and cant even tell you how many times i read it. thinking about all of the ways it made me feel SEEN is actually making me very tender so i’m gonna go on.  

the summer series

on the subject of jenny han, since she was now my Favorite author, when she came out with the summer i turned pretty in 2009, i was ALL IN. it’s not summer without you, and we’ll always have summer were published the next two years. a coming of age series about a girl isabel “belly” conklin who stays at her mother’s best friend's house at the beach in the summers. i really could talk about it forever yall. i actually dont know how to be succinct about it. i will try. her mom’s friend has TWO BOYS. one brother, jeremiah, is the golden boy and her best friend who is in love with her! the older one CONRAD is her childhood crush who's just sort of around while belly is firmly getting over her childish feelings and going out and experiencing teen beach life with jeremiah for the first time and figuring out who she is and wants to be! by the end of the summer he admits he feels differently about her (hence belly internalizing this as The Summer I Turned Pretty) and they get together. this is already too much so i will just say that the next two books deal with a PROFOUND LOSS and the selfishness of grief and the SELFLESSNESS OF CONRAD and i will absolutely lose my shit if netflix picks it up for a second jenny han series adaptation. 

pappyland

this was a kids show in the 90′s that features a character named Pappy Drew-It, an artist dressed like a 49er who lives in a magic cabin in pappyland. there’s tons of characters and music and life lessons but the meat of every episode is a detailed drawing how-to (pappy is actually a cartoonist, michael cariglio) and i have a hard back cover sketch book from my grandpa that i FILLED with drawings that pappy and DOODLEBUG taught me to do. there is a running gag that pappy always breaks his crayons.  

boy meets world

i KNOW this is beloved by many but i’m counting it because i’m simply too young to have such an obsession with it! the show ran from 1992-2000. i was born in 1996, but reruns on the disney channel and abc family cemented it as one of my favorite shows. cory and shawn, closer than brothers, shameless homoromantics, shawn is cory’s first wife!!!!! truly showed me what a best friend can and should be!!!!!! the great love of your life!!!!! TOPANGA, the og weird feminist girl who said stop shaving your legs and start speaking your mind, ladies! the characters are so richly developed that they are real people to my heart. YES every character on this show is in their late 30s-early 40s and YES i feel like we grew up together. in season one they’re in the 6th grade and we follow them all the way to COLLEGE. countless poignant life lessons, often literally dictated by the wise and hilarious MR. FEENY, cory’s next door neighbor and somehow one of his teachers for YEARS. my love was only solidified by the 2014 girl meets world reboot, centered on cory and topanga’s daughter and her best friend. (which was literally cancelled because disney didn’t want to transition from a kids show to a teen show, something essential to the original. also because that teen show would have had CANON LESBIANS. extremely shameful move in 2017!) boy meets world lives rent free in my heart and i will never evict it!!!!!!!

i consulted my mother when i got stumped for more and she reminded me that i had obsessions with the impressionist art period and babies and ANYTHING fairies or pixies, and i was way too young when my love of the canadian teen after school special degrassi began. she also said bob ross, which i was hesitant to include because he’s been super ~trendy in recent years, but to be fair (To Be Faaairrr) she’s right! i don’t think people really watched the joy of painting as much as i have throughout my life. best sick day show of all time.

lastly i could honestly list anna herself as a niche interest, my mom actually metioned that ive always hyperfixated on my girl friends (gay) but i’ll just note that YES friday night lights, YES barry lyga novels. love to share so many things with you, niche or not, they’re niche in Our Mind.

[nemhaine42]

Things I was tagged in and didn’t do because my brain was still loading at the time:

Share your self care

Tagged by @arterial-scribblings​

🌿 Favourite comfort food: lasagne, roast chicken with skirlie, strawberries and cream, super fresh ice cold full fat milk. 

🌼 favorite alcohol (or hot drink!): not a huge fan of alcohol in general, like a fruit cider now and then. 

🌷 Favorite relaxing activity: having a warm bath

🌸 favorite fluffy/feel good fic: only one????? not possible. One per fandom, it must be! Only one of these is actually tagged with ‘fluff’, they’re just the ones that sprang to mind when I thought of how good they made me feel:

I Don’t Know (Where I’m Supposed to Go) by mugsandpugs/ @arterial-scribblings​ (X-Men: Evolution) - this one was written for me as a trade with mugsy so it’s kind of the poison for Kuzco, the poison chosen specially to kill Kuzco, Kuzco’s poison. If I absolutely HAD to chose just one, it’d probably be this one.

Regulus’ Worst Memory by Jaxon/ @deathdaydungeon​ (Harry Potter) - this isn’t really fluff, and it’s not very shippy but it did send me to rarepair hell get me to start shipping Severus/Regulus. 

The Letter by springinkerl (TES V Skyrim) - this is the only one actually tagged with ‘fluff’ and it’s super cute, with little wee Farkas and Vilkas! 

Let Fulfillment Fuel the Fire by @twistedingenue​ (MCU/Darcyland) - as the tag states it’s a ‘love letter to the midwest’, some A+ farmer!Clint x Darcy. Was written semi-concurrently with my not-really-farmer!clint story and I remember getting snippets of this before it was published and being incredibly tantalised and then when it was completed and uploaded:

🌻 favorite calming scent: idk just that ‘home’ smell, like my own clothes, my own bed, my own sofa, shit that you don’t notice until you’ve been away from it for too long. 

🌺 favorite relaxing (or uplifting) song: 

Wind Guide You by Jeremy Soule - which is a long-ass piece of soundtrack from TES V Skyrim, but when it gets to the strings and vocals about 5 minutes in I’m like :

🌵favorite white noise: rain - it’s happening right now  (◡‿◡✿)

🍄 favorite book to get lost in: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

💐 favorite chill out tv show: I don’t really watch tv in the traditional sense anymore, but on youtube I love FoodWishes, Rescue & Restore, and Bob Ross, as well as rewatching specific episodes of UNHhhh

🌹 the best advice you’ve ever had: drink more water. yes, you. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Top 10 Comfort Movies

tagged by @chrissihr​

I interpret ‘comfort movies’ as ‘movies my (probably) autistic ass will watch over and over and over without complaint.’   Most of these are movies that I watched for the first time with friends, so I guess they partly remind me of enjoying them together. 

Iron Man (2008) - watched on vacation with @scottish-hobbit​

X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - watched for my birthday whatever year that was released with my brother and a friend. 

The Man From UNCLE (2015) - friends brought the dvd for hogmanay 

The Death of Stalin (2017) - recommended by my brother

What We Do In the Shadows (2014) - heard good things, then forced all my friends to watch it too. 

Rango (2011) - watched it on an airplane (going to Baltimore, iirc), love westerns anyway. 

Chicken Run (2000) - saw on holiday in Yorkshire as a kid when it came out, them basically memorised it. 

Deadpool (2016) - trip to cinema with friends, then became a hogmanay go-to.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) -  british cult classic, watched from childhood. 

Kung Fu Panda (2008) - have watched it so many times that sometimes we’d switch it over to another language just for shits and giggles. 

[ayashiki-i-i]

Last Friday, I had the absolute joy and privilege to see Be More Chill in London!

(Yes, last Friday, this has been sitting in my drafts for over a week because I couldn’t figure out how to appropriately convey my delight with this show, and also yes, joy and privilege, call me dramatic but I swear to god nothing on this Earth makes me appreciate my life quite as live theatre.)

I have loved this show for a very long time. Not quite since its first Two Rivers Theatre run, but very early on from when it caught the internet’s attention. I was at the start of what was to become a viral sensation, and I was with the show, rooting for it, hoping for it, ever since. I feel like I walked the journey from crossing million hits on Spotify to the Broadway alongside the cast and creators. I felt immensely happy and proud for these people I never met when they announced their off-Broadway return, and I honest to god cried the day they opened on Broadway. Needless to say, I was overjoyed, literally jumping with happiness, when they announced they will stage a production on West End. Or technically off-West End? I’m still very confused how The Other Palace is not West End and Victoria Palace literally around the corner is West End... Anyway. I have not walked into that theatre on Valentine’s Day with low expectations.

And my Mount Everest high expectations were far, far exceeded and shot somewhere into the stratosphere.

I really can’t with words describe how much I loved this show. Joes Iconis and Tracz managed to hit some very special spot with this musical. It’s truly hard to describe, but this show just makes you happy. It makes you involved and interested. And I gotta tell you, I think we hit the press night, because there was a bunch of people (very respectfully) scribbling on their pads and iPads during the show, so this wasn’t an audience primed and geared for this type of musical. And that’s not even counting all the parents chaperoning their teenagers. And I can guarantee you everyone had a great time. During the intermission I went to get a drink and witnessed several conversations between aforementioned parents that all pretty much amounted to “wow, this is actually good!” It’s honestly such a treat to be in an audience that’s genuinely enjoying themselves.

This show is funny, and heartfelt, and charming. So charming. It has somehow a vibe of a really well done high school production, which could maybe sound like a criticism but i swear it isn’t!

I haven’t seen much of the previous productions, except few clips from the Two Rivers bootleg slime tutorial, but I really tried not to watch too much, hoping against hope there will be a revival one day (I try not to watch shows I have a chance of seeing one day. I’m fortunate to have the chance of having the full experience live so I try not to ruin it for myself lol). I gobbled up all the official promo clips and videos from the NYC revival, being super unlucky and managing to plan my New York trip in that small window when BMC just closed Off-Broadway and before it got on Broadway. I haven’t even listened to the Broadway recording, because by the time it came out I knew they’ll be staging a production over here. So i went in quite blind. With all that previous ado, this is how it was:

The book is so good. So so good. Many times when I fall in love with an album, the actual musical doesn’t hold up because the book doesn’t compare (hi, Dear Evan Hansen). But BMC is as engaging and fun between the songs as during them. Tbh I don’t love the changes to the songs they made, but I don’t really hate them either... Now having listened to the Broadway recording they reverted somewhat back to the original album on West End and I’m happy they did, but still. Especially Pitiful Children did not deserve the cuts. But I mean its still mostly the same album and it’s brilliant and fun, and ok, Looser, Geek or Whatever is a bop.

(Although I always kinda liked that Jeremy didn’t have a typical big “hero song” because he keeps mentioning how he isn’t a hero and it was kinda ironic that his own show refused him the hero treatment, but the song is solid.)

This cast is EVERYTHING. I’m sorry all previous casts, I love you and I respect you but i really think the British cast is (so far) the peak? Obviously as I said I don’t have the full picture to compare, but honestly these guys are all so good and I can’t imagine anyone else in these roles, they set the bar so high. Yes, even Michael. Omg I’m so sorry George Salazar! This role is his in a very special way, and I feel blasphemous saying this! But that’s what makes Blake Patrick Anderson so special, because I didn’t think I will ever be able to accept another Micheal than George Salazar. But from the first moment Anderson appears on stage, you don’t think of George Salazar. This right here is a Micheal and that’s it. I think he’s slightly less... Manic, than Salazar, and more caring, but also more stubborn, and nerdy. My friend said after the first act the character’s problem is that he’s a bit too likeable and it’s almost unbelievable he would be a social outcast and she was right. The dude is so damn likeable! So charming, so positive. And then Micheal in the Bathroom hits and omg does it hit. Also Blake Patrick Anderson has a really long name is very pretty. A+ snack. I’m in love. Scott Folan is, uh, I don’t really love him vocally... Ok I liked him until Loser Geek of Whatever. I don’t know, maybe it wasn’t his day. Or maybe that song is just written for Will Roland and no one will ever measure up? Tbh I haven’t seen Roland sing it live so who knows, maybe it is one of those songs that’s hard to perform without yelling a bit. Praying circle for the West End cast album? However Scott Folan’s acting is a masterclass. He’s so awkward in the first act, so sad, but also sweet. Actually I said i didn’t love his singing but when his voice cracks all over in his first few songs it’s superb and also his “Christiiine~” is really beautiful and lovely, so, dunno *shrugs*. And then in the second half he totally sells his confidence and assholer-y and like... They seem like two different jeremys, the squipped and un-squipped one. But ultimately he just gives such good-kid vibes. He seems like the perfect midpoint between Will Connolly’s shy Bambi and Roland’s geeky recluse. This Christine is absolutely feral. Like, you have no idea. Some people commented on the video of I Love Play Rehersal from the rehearsals that this Christine is not chaotic enough, so I’m seriously worried how chaotic Stephenie Hsu was? :D In any case Miracle Chance I thought was perfect, the ideal mixture of quirky but relatable, sweet but strong. Also she is hilarious. I’m pretty sure she got the most laugh out of the audience, not just because the actress’s absolutely perfect comedic timing but also that role is so well written. Like you really can’t get the full idea of this character until you watch the show, you know? It’s very layered, but each layer is easy to get so she makes a really fun character to watch. The Squip is hot. Like so hot. And his costumes are wonderful. And I know I’m not the only one who didn’t love Jason Tam’s accent as Squip and like... I think I know what he was going for but it just doesn’t work for me. This Squip is a lot more like Eric William Morris, just more hot. Oh yeah I mean the dude is fantastic actor too, and his voice is something impressive, but mostly I was just thinking “hot” whenever he was on stage :D James Hameed’s Rich is vocally stunning. By far the best Squip Song I have ever heard. Also he has Pickle Rick tattoo?? It’s fucking brilliant I HATE IT! :D Millie O’Connel is perfect of course. She has such a presence on stage. It was hilarious when she came out after the show, with her hair down and make-up off and said hi and people mostly kinda ignored her cause... She’s really a hurricane on stage and when she dials it down just a notch I really think people don’t connect her to her stage persona :D

(Also like, massive kudos to The Other Palace’s stage door, cause they allow you to just hang around the bar where the cast has to go through to leave the place, so no dirty alleyways stage dooring in rain and cold and possible pickpockets around.)

I really loved the staging, and it’s very small, very minimal, which isn’t something I normally like, so well done! They definitely dialled back from the Broadway (the bean bags are back!) and honestly the minimal props and simple set really suit this show. It adds to that almost-like-a-really-good-school-play charm. But also they have this massive LED screen as the background so they can change and move and animate their backdrop and it’s honestly so impressive. The artwork is so perfectly in line with the show’s aesthetic. And it’s building up and up towards the show’s climax which I thought was pretty subtle and pretty neat creative decision.

Ugh this is so long I didn’t think it would be so long :D But I have one criticism I cannot not mention. And I kinda always had this, but seeing it live it jumps out on me more - I don’t feel Jeremy and Christine :| I mean don’t get me wrong. The actors have amazing chemistry, their added song is the one that I actually really like and it makes sense, there’s so much more meaningful interaction they have in the show than the songs wold suggest. But. It still doesn’t quite sit well. Besides the fact that I don’t think the show’s narrative is about Jeremy getting the girl - that’s not really his character arc. But also, although they’re not incompatible, he gets the girl he doesn’t even really know, and she definitely doesn’t know him. I think I would prefer if they just stayed friends at the end, but if there had to be romantic conclusion... Well, I mean who doesn’t ship boyf friends, but seriously if Michael was a girl I’m pretty sure he’d be the romantic endgame for Jeremy. You know the type, the old friend who was by the protagonists side and believed in him all along? Yeah. But besides that, i was surprised to find I kinda liked Jeremy with Brooke too? I mean they have the same problem as Jeremy and Christine, with not knowing each other and all that, but at least it’s mutual, and they seemed to have a spark. But maybe it’s just because I unexpectedly really, really loved Brooke (she doesn’t have much space on the album and no one ever really talks about her, why does no one really talk about her???). She defies a lot of her archetype, she seems like such a sweet person. I guess I would just like to see more of her, and more depth to her, which a romance with the protagonist would’ve given her.

But tbh the show devotes a lot more time than I thought it would for Christine and Jeremey’s relationship to develop and it isn’t unrealistic, so it ended up being a pretty minor issue, which i though would be a bigger one.

Tl;dr (oh my god why is this so long????) this show is everything I wanted and more. The West End cast is amazing, charming and delightful and each of them is perfectly cast to really embody their character, while giving some fresh outlook on characters I thought I knew very well and filling very big shoes of the original cast I thought couldn’t be replaced. Also I didn’t talk to any of them but they spend a long time hanging out with the fans after the show and seemed genuinely super nice and pleased with the love the show is getting. The book is more than an equal partner to the music I already was in love with (also Joe Iconis was at the show I saw! I didn’t talk to him because I’m me and I will forever regret it!). The Other Palace’s staging and direction is wonderful, and the choreography is impressive and very on brand with the rest of the show, very modern, very electro and robot. I enjoyed every second and the standing ovation at the end was well deserved.

Just to re-affirm how much I loved this show - just few days after seeing it I booked a ticket to go see it again almost immediately lol. So if anyone is seeing it this Wednesday 26th Feb and you can telepathically pick me in the audience come say hello!

(Or like, drop me a message like a normal person if you’re also going alone and want to meet with someone to seem less like a weirdo! :D)

[rather-impertinent]

I’m sorry for the book spam guys but I just HAD to post these two excerpts from The Miller’s Dance. I had to. Why didn’t Debbie give us more of this content? Ross caring so deeply about Demelza? Worrying about her? Ross and Dwight worrying about her? What happened to all of this loving warmth in the show after S2??? I actually fucking despair. Anyway, enjoy xo

The same evening while the two older children were still away and Isabella-Rose had retired conversationally to bed, Demelza told Ross that she was with child again.

Ross put his pipe carefully down on the mantelshelf. ‘Good God!’

Demelza said: ‘Yes, indeed.’

‘Almighty God, I never supposed . . .’

‘I don’t think we can blame Him.’

Ross got up, looked at the accounts book he had been about to tackle on his desk. Priorities, perspectives had suddenly changed.

‘When?’

‘Oh . . . maybe November. Before Christmas anyhow.’

‘Have you been feeling unwell for some time?’

‘A couple of weeks. It is passing now. I shall feel brave now. I always do.’

He stared at her – this dark-eyed, witty, warmly perceptive, earthy woman who had been his loving companion for twenty-five years, a woman who, at rising forty-two, still attracted straying glances from men whenever she went into company.

‘I didn’t expect this!’

‘The old women say it’s a good thing – to have another baby at my age.’

‘Your age! You’re a mere child yet.’

‘Yes, grandpa. I . . . hope the others won’t mind.’

‘What others?’

‘Jeremy and Clowance, of course. They may think it a little inopportune. Is that the right word?’

‘I’ll knock their heads together if they show the least sign of thinking that. But . . . how will it affect your megrim?’

‘May stop it. Should not anyway do it any harm. Ross, having babies is natural in a woman. It does not have any permanent effect – on their health or on their ordinary ailments.’

‘I’m not so sure,’ he said, thinking of all the women he had known who had died in childbirth. ‘Have you told Dwight?’

‘I haven’t seen him. You are the first one to hear – of course.’

He took up his pipe and began to fill it. It was not done very expertly tonight. Every time this happened with Demelza it got worse. Each time he found he had more to lose. He had hoped it would never occur again.

‘I’m very selfish,’ he said. ‘I think only of you.’

‘That doesn’t sound selfish.’

‘Well it is. Because the older I get, the older we both get, the more I depend on you.’

‘I know that, Ross. At least, I feel it so also. It operates both ways. But in what respect will this alter it?’

He hesitated. ‘Not at all if it is as the others have been.’

‘Well, then. That is how it shall be.’

He held his tongue, not wanting to damp her with his own fears.

Presently she said: ‘I wonder what we shall call him.’

‘Him?’

‘Shouldn’t that be? On average. We’ve had three girls and only one boy.’

‘As God is my judge,’ Ross said, ‘I’ll be well past seventy before the child is of age!’

‘Never mind. You are not so yet. I am – delighted.’

He looked into her eyes. ‘Really?’

‘Yes! Oh yes! It – puts the clock back. One is – young again!’

‘How strange,’ he said. ‘I have never thought of you as anything but young.’

‘We’ll call him,’ she said, ‘Vennor. Or Drake. Or Francis.’

‘Why not Garrick?’ Ross suggested, and dodged the cushion she threw at him.

But he was not amused. There was no laughter in him at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning after she (Clowance) left Demelza fainted in the kitchen and was carried upstairs by John and Jane Gimlett, who were the only people in the house. Dwight was summoned and arrived at the same time as Ross, who had been over at Wheal Grace. Dwight made a thorough examination and came swiftly down.

‘She seems quite restored now and is asking for you. The baby is alive and – kicking. There has been no haemorrhage or discharge of waters. I don’t believe the child is quite due yet. It seems simply a passing faintness, a fainting fit. Fortunately she fell lightly and only bruised her arm.’

‘But what is amiss with her, Dwight? What has gone wrong?’

Dwight hesitated. ‘If medical science were further advanced perhaps I could tell you. There is a toxic condition in the blood which I believe is at the root of all these disquieting symptoms. But the cause of the toxicity and the cure for it are quite unknown to me.’ He looked at Ross, who was scowling and tapping his boot. ‘I think you have to remember that until now Demelza has been the perfect mother. All the children have been born very easily, very quickly, and after the first month or so of pregnancy she has been in the finest health all through. Often she has joked with me and said that it is because she comes of peasant stock. This time – well, generally the more children women have the easier they produce them – except that as they themselves grow older it weighs a little more heavily upon their own constitution. It may be the case here – just that, no more. She is ten years older, and therefore there is just that little more strain on her. God forbid that I should be complacent; but neither should one allow this to become magnified out of its true proportion. Just now, when I left her, she was joking with me as if she had not a care in the world. And wanting to get up.’

‘Wanting to get up!’

‘All the same, I do not think you should discourage her from all exercise, so that it be light. A little walking. She certainly intends to get up to supper.’

‘Do you know what I think of?’ Ross said.

‘No?’

‘Elizabeth.’

Dwight let out a breath. ‘Forget it. Forget Elizabeth. That was quite different.’

‘How different?’

‘It – was. She died . . . well, you know how she died.’

‘I can never forget it. Not as long as I live. So . . .’

‘Yes, but there can never be any similarity between the two conditions.’

‘Why not?’

They stared at each other.

Dwight said: ‘Take my word for it, Ross.’

‘But I want to know why.’

‘I can’t tell you.’

‘Because you don’t know or because what you know may not be repeated?’

Dwight lowered his eyes. ‘Look, old friend; forget Elizabeth and accept my assurance that there can be no similarity. What do you wish me to do here? Call in Dr Behenna for a second opinion?’

‘God forbid that too!’

‘Or there is a new man in Redruth who has taken Dr Pryce’s place. They say he worked in one of the Plymouth lying-in hospitals and has a good reputation.’

Ross made a dismissive gesture. ‘There is no one in Cornwall and few in England who know more about these things than you do. Do you suppose I’d rather trust her to some self-opinionated surgeon who subordinates all his clinical observations to a pet theory? Who would put her on some outlandish diet of raw meat and snail water . . .’

‘These would not be such ill ideas,’ said Dwight. ‘She needs iron.’

Two days later when Dwight called Demelza was out. He strolled about the house for a few minutes, and then met Ross who had been busy in the library.

‘How is she this morning?’ Dwight asked.

‘Should I not be asking you that?’

‘You should if I could find her.’

‘Well, where in Heaven—’

‘Apparently she told Jane that she would be taking a short walk.’

‘With Jane?’

‘No, no, on her own, I think.’

‘Damn the woman! She ought to know better.’

‘How was she yesterday after I left?’

‘Oh, better than Wednesday. Better spirits. And this morning when she woke.’

‘A little walking will do no harm, provided she feels up to it.’

‘Jeremy!’ Ross called to his son, who was just about to go on the beach with Farquahar at his heels.

Jeremy came back. ‘Hullo, Uncle Dwight. I have a couple of books I must return to you.’

‘Dwight has come to see your mother,’ Ross said, ‘and no one knows where she is.’

‘I think she was going over to see Jud and Prudie.’

‘Oh, God in Heaven!’ Ross exploded. ‘Has she no sense? Did you not try to dissuade her?’

‘Yes, I did. I said “that bug-ridden place”. But you know what Mama is when she takes an idea into her head.’

‘It is much too far,’ said Ross. ‘Is it not too far, Dwight?’

‘Yes,’ said Dwight. ‘Of course had I come direct from home I would have seen her.’

‘Would you like me to go after her?’ Jeremy said. ‘I was off to the mine but that can wait.’

‘Thank you. I think it would be – very acceptable to me. Bring her back.’

Jeremy wrinkled one eyebrow. ‘Only you could be certain to do that, Father. But I’ll use my wiliest persuasions.’

Ross watched him run off whistling up the valley, the spaniel gambolling close behind. He said to Dwight: ‘He’ll do it more tactfully than I could. She gets strangely irritable with me at this time. It has always been a matter of pride between us that we do not get irritable with each other. Her – her personality seems to be changing.’

‘That will pass,’ said Dwight. ‘That at least I can promise you.’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jeremy laughed again, but more grimly this time. ‘Believe me, Mama, it is not that sort of war we discuss. And anyway the greatest part of it all is hot air.’

‘I hope so.’ They began to walk down the valley. Demelza swayed.

‘Mama, are you ill?’

‘No!’ she said, ‘of course I’m not ill. But I believe this baby must be a little lop-sided within me and weighs me over from time to time. Small wonder with such a family possing around him.’

‘I shall be jealous if it’s another boy,’ Jeremy said. ‘He’ll want those wooden toys I have. Those that I would not let Clowance and Bella get their grubby hands on.’

‘I see Dwight now,’ said Demelza, ‘and your father. How anxious they are looking! Do they not look like two mother hens, Jeremy? Do they not now?’    

She was sweating slightly, aware that the fever had come back.

[vagrantblvrd]

Oh my gosh I love the pairings for the concubine post. What about jeremwood or jerevin or jerevinwood, or jeremavinwood or jeremichael? To be honest I can see most of those working really well as well. I know you mentioned jeremwood so I’m really curious on your take? Sorry for any misspellings

Well, if you insist on twisting my arm like this, Anon! ;P (jk, I was thinking about these on the way home and your ask came at the perfect time, so yes??? Also I kind of stray from the original premise a few times, so sorry about that???)

Jeremwood:

So, okay. Let’s have baby Ryan whose parents died when he was a kid, so there’s been a regent (Geoff and Jack or someone along those lines in charge until Ryan comes of age, which is kind of ironic to Geoff because he’s not that much older than Ryan himself, always a bit of an older brother figure to him and such, but Plot Reasons.)

Conveniently for Plot Reasons, Ryan’s going to be of age in this particular AU.

Ryan’s parents may have been a bit on tyrannical side of things and due to civil unrest and the whatnot while Geoff and Jack set to putting things to right after their deaths they decide it would be wise to keep him out of the public view.

They make sure he has the best of everything they can give him – education, care, and they do love him – but there are major security reasons to limit the access others have to him and so on.

He grows up sheltered in that way. Not spoiled, or at least to a ridiculous degree, because Geoff and Jack both feel guilty about how they help raise him and overcompensate at times.

Ryan grows up knowing about the things his parents did – great and terrible and all that – and how it affected their people. The impact they have even now, a decade and change after their deaths. (Still those out there who think their madness was passed on to their son and have tried and tried to get to him to end the bloodline while they can because Drama.)

And Ryan, okay. He grows up knowing all about this, seeing Geoff and Jack injured in assassination attempts and all that – and after one that comes too close for anyone’s peace of mind, Geoff and Jack decide he should pursue additional schooling/education out of the kingdom.

Frame it as totally not being related to the time someone almost killed Ryan in his own home (again), but widening his life experiences before he takes the throne and everything.

They all know it’s a flimsy excuse, but Ryan feels too guilty to protest as strongly as he might have if their explanation was the truth.

Geoff and Jack send him off with the Twins and Michael at the head of his little entourage (just the four of them to avoid drawing too much attention because surely someone of Ryan’s import would have a grand entourage and such).

Neither Geoff and or Jack like it, but Michael’s proven himself trustworthy time and again, lifted from the ranks of city guard to castle guard to one of Ryan’s personal guards. Trevor and Alfredo are two of their most promising spies/assassins and equally loyal and most importantly, Ryan likes them. (Closest thing to friends he has, even if he thinks they see him more as a Duty than a friend, but you know. He’s kind of dumb like that.)

Anyway, anyway, all this going on and Ryan’s finished his schooling and is headed home where the coronation and all is supposed to take place before summer’s end. (Because reasons?)

They have a mostly uneventful journey home, Ryan getting a little anxious the closer they get because he, too, is concerned he may have inherited his parents’ madness.

Michael insists he’d knock any nonsense like theirs out of his head if he shows signs of madness, and while it’s worth a good laugh, he also knows Michael is serious. (As serious as the Twins and the promise he insisted on they do their duty to the kingdom if he became the same sort of monsters his parents were.)

He still worries. (Remembers overhearing Geoff and Jack when they got a little too into their drink late on winter nights and the way their own parents were executed by Ryan’s for committing treason and just. Wow, a lot to unpack there especially because the two of them never held his parents’ acts against him and just yes. He’s worried he’ll go mad and since they’re among the closest, most dangerous threats to anything he might do of course they’d have to be dealt with first.)

So, you know.

Ryan’s all fucked up about going mad and everything and also just learning to be a good ruler even though Geoff and Jack will serve as close advisors and so on.

And then!

There’s a storm or bandit attack that scatters their little group, has Ryan ending up in this tiny podunk village where they don’t ask questions. (Too many, at any rate.)

He has to wait the storm out there, worried for the others but they’re skilled fighters and he’s not with them so they should be safer?

And anyway, he notices this village is barely hanging on. Not like the other villages he’d seen on his journey to and from the neighboring country he went to school. The brief tours Geoff and Jack would allow him when he was younger.

Finds out they’re not receiving the aid they should, that the bandits are rampant and overall it’s gone unnoticed too long. (Greedy nobles squeezing what they can from them because they’re sitting on valuable land or there are mines rich with ore the people won’t relinquish and so on and so forth.)

And!

There’s a guard from a nearby city on leave, visiting the family who took him in when his parents were killed in a bandit raid years and years ago.

Bright smile and infectious laughter and – totally against some outdated order of the kingdom – teaching the men and kids of the village how to fight. (Something, something, incite rebellion against the crown if the people were properly taught to fight and all that.)

The guard knows if he’s caught out he’ll face jail, or execution, but what else can he do when his village is suffering and they’ve been denied help? So he made himself someone who could protect them by learning to fight and passing his knowledge on.

And Ryan, okay.

At first he’s all :O at the guard’s brazenness – he teaches them in broad daylight where just anyone can see!

But then Jeremy notices the stranded stranger watching and calls him over – doesn’t know what he thinks he’s doing because this is bound to land him in hot water, but hey, you know.

Poor guy was separated from his traveling party by bandits and he was injured in the fray and maybe he should learn how to defend himself?

So Ryan ends up as his training partner and Ryan is totally handling it just fine, you know? Especially when Jeremy corrects his technique (wouldn’t do to give away the fact Ryan’s a decent fighter in his own right because his cover story!!1!) by stepping in close and repositioning his grip on his weapon and so on and so forth.

The bright smile and genuine delight when he praises Ryan when he gets a move right. (Ryan being thrown and pinned and all that Good Shit when Jeremy disarms him and shows him – and their audience – how to stay alive until they can get a weapon in their hands.

Jeremy breaking off every so often to help the others, encourage the kids to keep at it because practice is how you improve! Mistakes are part of learning! And other uplifting things.

And then it rains again, everyone running to shelter and Ryan ends up eating in the humble little home of Jeremy’s adopted family and just.

A lot of Things I Love all tossed together.

And then!

A few days later Michael and the others find Ryan again and they have to finish their trek back to the castle.

Michael and the others giving Ryan and Jeremy Privacy while they make their goodbyes and totally not giving Ryan grief about it on the way back to the castle. (They would never!!11)

Ryan gets home and there’s a Touching Reunion between him and Geoff and Jack and once he’s settled back in they get on with the coronation business.

Shortly after Ryan’s coronation Trevor sidles over to let him know there’s Serious Business to see to at court, a matter of Treason ans such?

Ryan is like, well shit, because it’s like the billionth time since he took the throne. (Assassination attempts and Plotting To Overthrow the Mad King and so on.)

When the offender if brought before him it’s Jeremy.

Bound in chains and looking ragged like he’s been ill-treated before being brought to court for his crimes.

Which, as it turns out, is the whole teaching the people in his village how to fight? (Ryan’s enemies digging deep, or a sycophant chancing upon Jeremy hoping to curry favor with Ryan for exposing this nobody who is clearly out to incite rebellion.)

Trevor and Alfredo have obviously been keeping close watch on Jeremy – Ryan clearly liked him *wink wink* and also Jeremy’s own Potential and such – so they intervened when he was arrested and insisted he be brought before Ryan.

And then!

Someone rips the hood off Jeremy’s head and he’s like. He figures he’s going to be executed so he comes out firing, lays out this list of injustices against his village and others like it out there and just goes on and on and on until he runs out of breath.

The whole court is silent because such insolence?

Trevor clears his throat, which is Ryan’s cue to speak – he flubs badly - but recovers and addresses Jeremy’s grievances with the due respect they deserve, promises change will happen and Jeremy is like what the shit, because that’s Ryan???

Idiot who didn’t know how to hold s sword and always ended up on his back in the mud no matter how blatantly Jeremy telegraphed his moves and oh shit oh shit oh shit, he’s the king???

And then!!1!

Because Ryan can’t just let the whole Treason business slide, he does Research. Makes the mistake of asking Geoff what he should do – Jeremy’s not wrong for anything he did- and Geoff okay.

Super fucking Tired of everything makes what’s meant to be a throwaway joke about this insanely old tradition of the king and concubines and whatever. Something from the days their people were conquerors and Ryan is like !!!

And so he goes down to the dungeon cell Jeremy’s in. Michael goes along too, because people are constantly trying to kill Ryan and the king is a goddamned moron, but he gives them the semblance of privacy as Ryan fumbles his way to explaining his offer to Jeremy?

Jeremy who just stares at Ryan because what the actual hell is happening? (But you know, given the choice between public execution or pretending to be Ryan’s concubine? It’s an easy enough choice.)

Jeremy has the chance to ~earn his freedom for services rendered (he almost, almost laughs at the way Ryan’s face turns bright red during this part because lol, what a fearsome tyrant he is. Lost to his own madness and so on) and all that.

And then it’s just.

Romcom shenanigans with Jeremy swanning around taking advantage of his new job title or whatever you want to call it. Enjoys fucking with Ryan once he realizes he really is an idiot. He and Michael get along too well for Ryan’s peace of mind – they’re terrible enough on their own, but absolutely horrible when they team up.

Ryan can’t tell if the Twins are teaching Jeremy or if it’s the other way around, and is too scared to ask.

Geoff and Jack are freaking dying over Ryan being the one to Suffer for once.

And then there’s some Grand Conspiracy against Ryan Jeremy helps thwart? Pretends to go along with the conspirators because he’s been turned into a concubine and surely will want his revenge and Ryan is all :((((((((((((((((((((((( thinking Jeremy’s been playing him for a fool this entire time, that it was all an act – but then Jeremy reveals it was all a plot to capture the conspirators and Ryan you dunce, of course Jeremy’s madly in love with you.

And then, like.

Romance???

Ryan finally able to push new laws through that the conspirators who have been blocking them for so long are either dead or disgraced and everyone else are in favor of these changes.

Happily ever after for everyone, although Ryan laments the days Jeremy would go around shirtless all the time. (Not proper for the king’s husband, although Jeremy indulges him when they can because Ryan’s just that ridiculous.)

Jerevin:

Newly crowned king, Gavin plays the part of a fool because his is a small kingdom, right? In no real position to go to war over the smallest slight. Seems to bow and scrape to other kings and queens and only those paying close attention realize his kingdom gets the better part of any deal they make.

Perhaps not immediately noticeable, some take years to show the benefits they’ll reap, but his kingdom is happy and prosperous.

(The kingdom straddles a mountain range with treacherous paths and only a few routes viable for those on either side, so they see a lot of trade and the whatnot. Have managed to avoid war for generation by knowing how to negotiate deals with all parties coming away from the table satisfied and such.)

Jeremy’s a young guard who was born in a neighboring country and found himself enlisting in Gavin’s army...because reasons and circumstances. (Former street rat and no loyalty to any royal, but he’s heard good things about this new king and anyway, he’ll get a roof over his head and meals and coin for his pouch. Better deal than anything else he could find and he’s only expected to serve for three, four years  at most.)

He’s there in Gavin’s entourage on the way back from a negotiation when there’s an ambush – regular bandits or something more, no one knows – and he saves Gavin’s life.

Takes an arrow to the knee and tries to laugh it off when Gavin goes to the healer’s tent to check on him. All those stories he’d heard from city guards and veteran soldiers. Worried about future prospects but at least he’s alive?

And then there’s a misunderstanding or some such. Gavin just wanted to repay him for saving his life, intended to find him a suitable position in the castle proper once everything settled down some, but you know.

Suddenly everyone thinks Gavin took a liking to this young guard and made him his concubine?

Perhaps there was a Thing before the ambush in which the two of them stayed up all night playing card games or whatever in Gavin’s chambers. People thinking it was a bit more intimate than Gavin falling asleep partway through the night because exhaustion from his duties and Jeremy putting him to bed with this goofy little smile because FEELS and keeping watch.

Gavin being utterly mortified while Jeremy is initially confused because deciding to make the most of it. (Makes Gavin’s skeptics super uncomfortable and teases the hell out of Gavin and general romcom shenanigans before they get their shit together and realize they have FEELINGS for one another and happily ever after.)

Jerevinwood:

This whole plot where Gavin’s entourage is ambushed and while no one is killed, Gavin’s the only one fit to travel.

Michael and the others refuse to let Gavin go on without protection of some sort even though he insists he can look after himself -

And exasperate with their stubbornness, turns to this pair of mercenaries that were instrumental in turning the tide of the ambush in their favor.

Not even from his kingdom, but their own loyalty it to one another and other cliches, and he offers them a ridiculous amount of money to safeguard him until he’s back at the castle and among other loyal to him.

Ryan and Jeremy are kind of uneasy about it, but easy enough money and they were headed that direction anyway.

Not their fault if they develop feelings for this foolish little king along the way and vice versa.

Get back to the castle where Gavin spins a lie about his entourage taking ill – food poisoning or whatever – and traveling behind him as they’re able. (Something, something conspiracy?)

And oh, look. Treat Ryan and Jeremy nice, he’s rather sweet on them.

Ryan and Jeremy hamming it up as his concubines and daring the advisors who are part of the conspiracy to Do Something when they correct the two of them whenever they challenge the baddies on some bit of strategy or whatever.

General sort of romcom shenanigans mixed with Intrigue and so on.

Michael and the others get back to the castle just as things  reach the boiling point and then like. Battles and fighting and Ryan and Jeremy saving Gavin’s life and exposing the traitors in the process, because Drama.

And then Gavin being all :((((((((((((((((( because he thinks Ryan and Jeremy are that skilled as actors and Michael kind of wanting to throttle his idiot king. Kicks him out of the castle and tells him to bring those other idiots back before someone else hires them as his concubines and it turns into utter ridiculousness. (Also Touching and Heartfelt reunions in a forest glen beside a babbling brook and Confessions of Undying Love and also smooches.)

(I really, really, love these three in this scenario? But in my head it’s a mix of Drama and Romcom and just them being the biggest idiots ever. XD)

Jeremavinwood:

Okay.

So.

Young King Jeremy with personal guard Michael who’s injured protecting his king and general misunderstandings and awkwardness of everyone thinking Jeremy’s claimed Michael as his concubine? (Kind of a twisted childhood sweethearts deal.)

Featuring Gavin and Ryan who are members of the thieves/assassin’s guild in the city but due to Reasons no one knows which of them belongs to what guild?

The love fucking with people about it and so do their guild members, and anyway, the guilds are so closely allied it doesn’t matter?

So you’ve got Gavin and Ryan occasionally breaking into the castle – testing security and toying with spymaster Trevor and his Alfredo (No one knows what Alfredo does aside from Trevor and Alfredo and honestly, it’s too much trouble to ask, so.)

Those moments when Gavin just pops up out of nowhere, dagger at Jeremy’s throat and a cheerful grin asking him where his guards are now before things devolve to hand-to-hand and one/both of them pinning the other and mischievous grins and almost kissing before they’re reminded of propriety and their positions and suchlike? Or Ryan stalking Michael down int eh city or castle halls and an impromptu sparring match with Ryan being a smug prick riling Michael up – Michael letting Ryan think he’s riled him before he turns the tables on him and knocks his feet out from under him and also the pinning of one another.

Gavin dropping in on Michael and asking him the most infuriating questions while Michael’s working on his swordsmanship against a dummy until he decides Gavin’s footwork needs polishing. Ryan sprawled on Jeremy’s throne on a night when Jeremy’s head is full of turmoil and he doubts his decisions as king. Ryan taunting and needling him until Jeremy has a breakthrough moment of realizing he’s not a perfect ruler but he tries to be, and that’s a hell of a start and so on.

And just.

The four of them with this odd relationship that is the talk of the kingdom – everyone knows but there’s never any evidence. (With the thieves and assassin’s guilds involved, of course there isn’t.)

And then comes a day when Gavin and Ryan are accused of Jeremy and Michael's murders and have to break out of the dungeons after they've been captured.

At first it’s to bring the real killers to justice/get their revenge? But then they learn it’s a Conspiracy and Jeremy and Michael are still alive so they have to rescue them and then do the bring the baddies to justice/revenge bit.

If they’re forced to confront their FEELINGS for those two idiots and vice versa in the process – then that’s the price they have to pay.

(Because of course Jeremy and Michael have been told Gavin and Ryan are going to be executed for their “murders”, will be forced to watch it before they’re killed to cover everything up and God knows they’re going to do their damnedest to escape/make the baddies pay for their crimes.)

Super dramatic reunion scene/climactic battle and then like. ALL the FEELINGS as they finally admit they’re totally in love with one another and have been for ages and EVERYONE KNEW THIS WHOLE TIME BUT THEM.

Jeremichael:

So this is one that sticks closest to the original premise in my head?

Michael and Jeremy who train together as kids.

Jeremy from a poor village who intends to send what money he can home to his family and the village and young prince Michael whose parents think it’s best he not think himself too above the people whose welfare he’s responsible for.

They become good friends early on – maybe a bit of youth and ego at first, but that fades as they get to know one another over time. Goes from being something on it’s way to ugly and bitter to friendly teasing as they work together to improve their skills.

And then there’s an accident, some stupid little thing, and Jeremy’s going to be sent back to his village once he’s healed enough. Won’t ever become a guard with that limp or whatever else injury, but he’s young enough he can learn a trade. (Bitter seed planted in his heart because he doesn’t have the money to gain an apprenticeship, but pride and whatnot.)

Michael doesn’t know until later, Jeremy about to be sent home and he rushes to find him. Thought he’d done something to make Jeremy mad with him, not knowing Jeremy thought the same about Michael and that was why Michael never came to see him after the accident.

Michael catches him as he’s packing to leave and panicking he latches onto the last thing his tutors drilled into his head, old, outdated (barbaric) traditions having to do with concubines and blurts out an idea to keep Jeremy with him?

Tells him he’ll have a roof over his head and food and money to send home and all that and misses the way Jeremy’s face twists. (Budding feeling for Michael soured by this Deal Michael wants to make with him and of course, of course Michael wouldn’t see him in that way. He's going to be king, and Jeremy’s some poor kid who lost his chance at being someone.)

Still.

The prospect of being able to help his family and his village are too good to pass up and he accepts.

Michael insists on Jeremy being his training partner so he still learns how to fight properly even if he tires easier and the like. (Thinks Michael’s being kind when he tells Jeremy he’s improving and all that even thought Michael’s telling him the truth. Because okay, sure. Jeremy’s not as strong as he used to be, but he’s still fast and clever and compensates for his injury in brilliant ways.)

Jeremy acts as both ~concubine/advisor/additional bodyguard and falls even more in love with Michael who doesn’t seem to notice?

Meanwhile, Michael is head over heels for Jeremy but is super aware of abusing his power/position in life and thinks Jeremy couldn’t possibly like him in That Way.

Cue abominable amounts of Pining until there’s an Incident.

Some terrible storm while they’re on a ship to meet with a potential suitor for Michael and end up stranded on an island (because reasons) and have to rely on one another to survive until rescue comes.

And then FEELINGS and Realizations and just when they’re about to get to the whole Confessions bit, a fisherman happens upon their island and brings them home.

Michael’s swept away to deal with his Duties and the like and Jeremy is mostly ignored and they don’t see one another until there’s a fancy ball.

Michael’s birthday or a solstice or something, and Michael’s all dressed up and so is Jeremy and they have that oh no, not only is he hot but he cleans up real nice moment when they see one another for the first time that night.

Michael’s supposed to pay attention to the various royals who traveled to meet with hi as possible suitors, but he has eyes only for Jeremy and vice versa.

They sneak off to a quiet corner and awkwardly compliment one another and make small talk. Stop to watch the fireworks display overhead and there’s this series of horribly awkward events that ends in their hands brushing together. Eyes drawn towards their hands, slowly lifting so their gazes meet and they decide independently of one another fuck it because this may be their only chance to steal a smooch, right?

Michael's meant to marry and have heirs and Jeremy...he’s a sham, a fraud. Never made it as a soldier/guard and  a poor choice of concubine, so please, please, please let him have this one thing.

And then they kiss, and kiss again, and just kind of don’t stop until one/both of them confesses their love and then it’s just this slippery slope of requited love and all that until there’s really no choice but for them to get married, you know?

Horrible, really. (However will they manage???)