#and yeah maybe but i also dont remember not feeling this way and short periods when i feel better make me crazy anxious bc its like i

[szczylpierdolony]

how do i tell my friend im sorry for nor writing anything in our essay today bc ive had one of my worst days in a while without coming across as a selfish pathetic dick

[jambalaya-enthusiast]

Just had another Jimmy thought...

If Curly had a daughter he would definitely introduce Jimmy as an uncle of sorts... Cutting it short once shes of age Uncle Jimmy about to get a whole lot creepier.

First he pulls you on his lap while He and your dad Curly are watching football or something, and you feel something but you dont say anything... but your dad needed to run to the store to grab some more beer. -Cupcake anon

Your own age.

Uncle! Jimmy x Curly's Daughter! Reader.

warnings: age gap(reader is an adult),toxic relationship themes, jimmy is a major creep, non-consensual touching. curly is an oblivious single father.

a/n; cupcake anon, you're a fucking genius. love you for sharing this prompt with me,hope I was able to do it justice!

It wasn't fun being a well respected captain's daughter. Especially after your mom left, your dad would leave for shipments for months on end,and you had to spend a good chunk of your childhood with nannies rather than your parents.

But that was when he came along,Jimmy... Or Jim,as your dad would call him. He was your dad's closest friend since childhood,and now he was gonna be... Living with the two of you? Your dad said that it was due to the shortage of leases on the market currently,but you know damn well it was because that jimmy person was just a broke guy.

"hey,so you're the daughter I keep hearing my friend talk about,huh?".

"uh yeah,my name is y/n".

"y/n huh? well that's a pretty name for a pretty little girl".

you did think it was strange as to how,Jimmy... or well,uncle jimmy as your dad advised you to call him, was so Frank and open minded with you,but you realised that's just how men in his situation were. Open-minded,and careless.

Uncle jimmy... was an interesting man to say the least,you hadn't really had the luck of having any fun 'relatives' for that matter so you thought this was the best as it was gonna get. Jimmy would offer you cigarettes. Something that your father had clearly mentioned in front of him was off limits for you.

"C'mon aren't you a big girl now? some rules are meant to be broken y'know?

"but dad would kill me if he ever found out..."

"it's alright,it will be our little secret".

All in all you started warming up to him,you thought that hey,this guy is already down on his luck,and he's also so fun to be around! wouldn't hurt to be friendly with him.

It didn't matter how unnecessarily long his hugs were,or how suffocating they were. he would always hug you so tight that you had to physically wriggle your way out of his grasp. on some occasions you could've sworn you heard him say something under his breath.

It didn't matter how he would stare at you for long periods of time if the two of you were in the same room,you thought maybe it's just a middle aged man thing

It didn't matter how during road trips,he would sit in the backseat beside you instead of sitting beside his best friend in the front. How somehow his hands would always find it's way to be on your thigh.

He was a fun guy after all! He lets you drink,smoke,and sneak out. Do all the things which your dad would have crucified you for.

Seeing both of you so close would have your dad asking you—

"wow you sure are having fun with uncle jimmy,huh? you guys seem to be close".

"yeah he's so cool! it's super fun to be around him".

"fun huh? Well im hoping it's a good kind of fun,honey".

But curly shouldn't be worried! His best friend was just taking care of his daughter... Right? He wouldn't do anything,wrong... Right? That much faith curly should have in his best friend... Should he not?

Your dad and uncle had a habit of watching football games during weekend nights,and you decided to join them one such night.

While watching the game,jimmy suddenly turned to you,and said.

'oi y/n, c'mere and sit" as he motioned towards his lap,he turned towards curly and said. "For old times sake,eh? You remember how I used to carry ya around? I'm feelin nostalgic".

Curly was already feeling tipsy from the 3rd pint of beer he was chugging,so he just laughter and said "haha,you guys are so adorable!".

Albeit,a strange request,you decided to do as your uncle asked anyway,and you went to him and plopped on his lap. No matter his lanky figure,he was still strong enough to carry your weight. So he had no problem in adjusting himself to have you sir on his lap while still getting a comfortable view of the ongoing game.

everybody was focusing on the game,but you,your focus was on something else entirely,all the while you were sitting on his lap, you could feel Jimmy's hot breath on your shoulder,how his left hand was rested at your side,firmly placing a grip, you could feel his heart beating, and you don't know what got over you,but you decided to do something risky, somthing vulgar which you hadn't even properly processed in your mind.

You grinded against him just a little,and that was enough to get his heart beating 10 times faster,you could practically feel his breath hitch,and him letting out the quietest groan. And you felt something hard between you legs,you realised that you had just gotten him rock hard. you felt accomplished for some reason. But that's when your dad decided to drop off the bomb.

"wait,fuck we're out of beer,jimmy look after y/n while I make a quick trip to the store to get few more".

"you got it boss".

You knew that it was wraps the moment your dad walked out the front door and closed it behind him. You blinked and suddenly you were pinned down onto the sofa, your uncle had both your hands pressed firmly above your head,he stared at you like a wild animal on the prowl, hunting its prey.

"damn,I didn't know that you were so dirty, grinding against me like that,you know how 'fuckin hard it was for me to keep from moaning?,you deserve to get punished for it don't you think?".

• you intently stared him,not knowing what to do,excited yet scared of what he was going to do next.

And then without a warning,he smashed his lips against yours,into a rough, messy, hungry kiss. he tasted like liquor with a hint of cigarettes,the cheap brand which he smokes all the time. His tongue was wildly exploring every inch of your mouth, he felt like an animal in heat.

then in between the kiss he said, "you don't know how long I've been wanting to do this,kid".

you already knew that this was going to be quick as your dad would be back from the store in no time,but you also knew,that this was the beginning of something,very long, something very vulgar. and even though it might be wrong,you felt eager,you felt excited. you were looking forward to whatever was going to happen next.

[kai-rio]

ggy song analysis III - the liar by the arcadian wild

im so normal about this song, the first time i heard it i immediately knew it was super uber ggy coded

(this is a long one so ill put my analysis under the cut)

by the way, i use greg and gregory as terms for different people - gregory for the character in sb, and greg for the persona we see in ggy

i sense theres trouble ahead, clear by the signs and warnings i think gregory would know that somethings up because i mean its probably pretty obvious if you have lots of gaps in your memory, or if he only gets control back for a little while after a long period of greg taking control, then he’d know thats weird too

that should tell where all blame is due, so why are they pointing at my head? this could be read as gregory not knowing the things greg’s done and being confused, if he notices vengeful tony & ellis then he wouldnt know why theyre vengeful

all have been led astray, we’ve all fallen short in some way literally a line in the game omg. but yeah i imagine during the short moments of control, gregory seeks comfort in vanessa and/or the other followers like finbarr or tape girl because he’d know theyre going through the same thing

please understand im ashamed he would feel guilty for greg’s actions once he actually remembers them or is told them by someone else

and i beg of you, please find your grace i think this reads as gregory trying to warn greg’s victims, like tony and ellis, but he’s unable to actually do anything

cause i'm not in a right state of mind, i just wish i had strength to admit it i doubt gregory would accept the idea of being one of the followers immediately and he might have fallen into a state of denial in a way

my stubborness will put up a fight, but i dont deserve to win it however, when he does accept it, he’d feel immense guilt, so much that he thinks he doesnt deserve to be forgiven despite how badly he wants it

we’re left in the dark, pondering our mistakes this could be gregory trying to piece together what happened during his amnesia gaps

in the light i swear i will deny it all i personally think that if gregory was to find out while he was still being controlled periodically, malhare might just try gaslight him into thinking otherwise to make him more compliant

cause i am the lying man, and i have made you my next victim ‘i am the lying man’ sounds like a title, maybe like greg confessing he’s ggy before he eliminates tony. the next victim obviously because the victims before were the therapists and i guess you could even count vanessa since he manipulates her - tony wouldnt be the last victim either, it probably continues on to ellis, crystal and maybe even cassie if gregory never escaped the control fully

oh i need you to see through my act, to tell me im wrong, to take off the mask again, this is about gregory trying to warn tony and ellis about his murderous counterpart, and it could be interpreted that taking off the dr. rabbit mask is a metaphor for freeing gregory, similar to how in the princess quest ending, our first sign that vanessa is free is that her mask has been abandoned

or else ill be left in the lie obviously this about still being trapped under the influence, but i also have another interpretation of this - i think that during the influence, gregory dissociated to an imaginary world where all the bad things didnt happen to cope with what he could remember, omori style

and ill decieve my way straight to demise i know everyone celebrates gregory for being like the first alive fnaf kid in the games but i honestly dont think thatll stay that way for long with how fnaf has a history of dead kids lol

i am the host of this hostility if the ‘wizards favourite apprentice’ line is true and not just greg pretending, then it would make sense for everything to revolve around him - he’s trusted enough to manipulate another follower and carry out a lot of murders so i would think its true. this probably means that gregory is under more surveillance than any of the other followers which would make it more difficult for him to escape

another interpretation of this is a ‘host’ that a parasite uses - this could imply that each of the reluctant followers personas’ arent specific to their body and could just inhabit a new one - this could be disproved by saying that each follower we’ve seen (vanny and greg) have made their names centered around their body’s original inhabitant, but then again that could just be them rubbing it in vanessa and gregory’s faces about their lack of control, or perhaps it was commanded by the mimic1 virus

im the master magician that makes you believe speaking of the mimic, if i remember correctly, there was a room in sb with a bunch of staff bots representing the afton family, and william was framed as a magician if sorts - the mimuc is supposedly mimicing afton, so it would make sense if it called itself a magician

im real, im not fake, but in reality im a lying man honestly i just think greg would be a fan of paradoxes and stuff like that, seeing how he led a trail of breadcrumbs for tony to follow

my lifes become this grand game of deception in gregs eyes, tony could be treating the whole ggy mystery like a game to be finished, a grand game because theres a high possibility of there being way more followers than we realise, already with 4 confirmed ones (vanny, greg, finbarr & tapegirl as far as i know)

my minds ignored all my hearts good intentions his mind because its mind control… yeah - this could also represent gregorys learnt behaviour of closing himself off from others to avoid them becoming another face on the missing posters despite only having goid intentions

we all feel this tension, we all have our own illusions the followers again, i imagine they all have their own ways of coping, perhaps by simply blocking everything out or pretending/dissasociating

[my-castles-crumbling]

HIYA CAS ❤️ It’s wolfstar anon!!!!!! Remember me? Guess what? ME AND CLARA ARE DATING NOW! 

So turns out she’s had a massive crush on me for ages. Which, you know, seems obvious in hindsight. 

So imma just tell u what’s happened and then like- the adivce I need. Cool? 

SO BASICALLY I’ve been tryna keep outta my house over the summer cause my parents work from home and it’s not civilised, so I usually go out and chill with my mates. 

SO like two weeks ago (we’ve hung out a lot these are just the important ones okay?) I text Clara and ask if it’s cool for me to drop by cause it’s like 9am and she’s usually still asleep, but she texts back that she’s awake cause she’s got these awful period cramps (being a person with a uterus can fucking suck right?) so I go to her place, it’s past town so I pick up some of those like heat up pad thingys that stick to you cause she likes tho and said they were out and obviously snacks and then, because she’s in pain and i’m a sucker, watch Taylor Swift videos and the Era Tour with her (AGAIN). 

Nothing against Taylor just not my vibe. Also i’ve watched it with Clara SO MANY TIMES cause she loves it that I know like every song. 

Anyway, we’re sat in her room watching it and I realise that i’m being a fucking idiot. I always forget to consider romance just cause- idk it doesn’t occur to me 😭 BUT Clara is amazing and also, I need to chill. She’s my friend most of all, I should just TALK to her. 

ANYWAYS so last week I got my head out my arse and told her about what i’d been thinking about, and she admitted she DOES LIKE ME, and has for a while. 

Sometimes I feel like i’m not being as genuine as other people you know? Like, Clara has fancied me for a while and I didn’t even notice? And I don’t really know how I feel. I just find romance and stuff like that so hard, because it’s never been THAT important to me. 

But now it is because it’s Clara.

I didn’t ask her out until like three days ago. After we talked last week, I told her that her admitting she likes me won’t fuck with our friendship, but that I have like no idea how i’m feeling so i’d get back to her, but in the meantime she can vibe and know that we’re cool.

And I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Like how am I supposed to know if I fancy her or not? Sure I do things for her I wouldn’t do for other people, because I care more, but maybe i’m just a dick to other people? I DONT KNOW CASSSSS. 

Look so like three days ago I decided to ask her out so that I could know. 

And we had an amazing date and it felt like nothing i’ve felt before but I felt guilty at the end cause it was like I was using her.  So I admitted I had no clue how I was feeling, and that I never get crushes on people first cause I never feel like that until I start feeling like that and I think maybe I always had a crush on her and mixed it up with friendship and how i’m a mess she should probably stay away from.

And then she told me she knows i’m a mess because she asked me out last year and we went on a whole date and she kissed my cheek and then I DIDNT REALISE IT FUCKING A DATE 😭

So… yeah. You’re now updated :)

Long story short, we’re dating and i’m hopefully not a dick ❤️

Also how the fuck do you know the difference between friendship and- not? Like, more? I feel like no one’s taught me EMOTIONS correctly 😭

Wow I am SOOOOOO SHOCKED :P

But for real as far as our question, this is a difficult one. Personally, I see more than friendship as someone who I care deeply about but also who I want deep intimacy with. Someone who I want in my future, but someone who I also crave closeness with in all ways. But some people don’t like certain types of intimacy for whatever reason and still feel romantic feelings, so people see romance differently depending on who it is.

I think honestly, you should give it a shot. If it starts to feel wrong, communicate that. Say you love her but just as a friend! Just keep the lines of communication open and be honest, that’s the best thing you can do 🥰

[mortallyandrogynoussheep]

wassup, im back with (posting about) trying to get my life back together

i didnt quit the 100 days of struggling, or whatever, i was really just, well, struggling. to be alive, i guess.

yesterday was the peak of me feeling the most unstable over the last week or two, i think it was mostly due to my period being around the corner, so hormones are going crazy and you know the old shenanigan of - you know that your period is coming, when you start feels borderline suicidal and depressed.

ngl, it was scary as hell, because i think it was 40/60 of why i was feeling so down - 40 being the initial struggle, 60 being the fear coming from "i dont want for things to scale back to how they once were". because how they once were is best described the one sinlge word - hell.

anyway, the drama aside, i am now feeling much much better, thankfully, and i have a more positive outlook on life. at least for now.

so, we're missing the days from the 4th of July. insert the eagle scream. i will try to recount them from my memory to the best of my abilities, more so for myself and to keep track of days.

3/100 days of getting my life back together

Friday, July 5, 2024

quite frankly, I don't remember where the day went. i looked around for some notes or whatever else scattered in my place and im not sure what exactly was i doing. the only highlight of that day, was that i finally payed off the first paying for my dentist check and i think that is the most information I have. i think i woke up at 2:30 pm, so that would explain the short day. i remember studying a little bit in the evening and it probably was the software engineering notes, aka SE, since i think i was studying in bed and i do notes for se on my tablet.

4/100 days of getting my life back together

Saturday, July 6, 2024

on this day i met up with my friends for some socialization, i guess. we talked and had some boba. i studied on my way there and back, which came up to about an hour of studying in total. the rest of the day is, again, a mystery to me. maybe i should start keeping a journal to help myself. because i freaking bought one on that day fdskflsd

5/100 days of getting my life back together.

Sunday, July 7, 2024

okay, here i was really happy, because for the first time in weeks i managed to not only wake up at 8 am, but also went to bed somewhere between 22-23 at the clock. granted, i fell asleep an hour later, after i woke up, because i was suddenly hit with a wave of sleepiness and tiredness, but, i guess, one small step at a time. i mean it did fuck up my sleeping schedule for today, because i ended falling asleep somewhere between 2 and 3 am, but we have what we have.

the highlight of yesterday was finally finishing up a job i was postponing for MONTHS, which was printing out all the documents we would need, for my mom to apply for a job. i won't be going into too much details of why and etc, but yeah. at the end of the day i had 8 copies of 4 documents printed out, and was feeling more or less good about it.

at the second 4 copies batch printer decided to start playing games, and first chewed on the paper it was printing, and then i decided to try a new approach to try to speed things up, but it only ended up damaging one of the copies, so i had to redo that. but at the end of the day, the job was done.

i didn't study at all that day, because as i said at the start of this post - this was the day, when my head decided, that it's a great time to go sad-mode.

i also started taking some vitamins that have been laying around for a few months now, because i feel really crappy and i need some help, that maybe they can provide, before i get my eating habbits and everything else back in place. for now i am hoping they could be my crutches.

oh, and also i did some yoga to stretch my body. nothing huge, but i guess it's something good?

6/100 days of getting my life back together

Monday, July 8, 2024

and now we are back to present day. woke up at about 11:30 or so. played a little bit of guitar for the first time since MONTHS, i started learning the scientist, we'll see how it goes. i figured to reward myself, i would put a new fun sticket on it, if i finished learning it.

anyway, it is now 15:35 as i am writing this, i will be now cleaning up a little bit and getting back to studying.

DB 4 (finish up)

SE 4 (finish up)

DB 5

SE 5

[moonstandardtime]

hunter toh in my botw au.....oh i could go on and on abt this au. i think ill do lumity next?

feel free to ask question abt the au. please do actually. to get you started heres some base info under the cut. its VERY ramble-y.

base character matchups are Luz as Zelda, Hunter as Link, and Belos as Ganon. this au doesnt involve much from TotK bc i havent finished it but. given the story it will definitely come into play!

basic story/plot/exposition is that 10,000 years ago, the sheikah Made a Hero for the future. just in case. extra safety measure or whatever. they saw how difficult it was to overcome the calamity and were like, hey, what if we made the ideal hero for future hyrule? make it easier. and so they do. they Make a Guy (caleb is the first hero (yknow the one in the hyrule historia manga bit) so his bones arent available to use for a grimwalker. so idk if hunter is a grimwalker of the 10k hero or if hes made entirely independently bc the sheikah. probably could do that) and stick him in the shrine of resurrection. this is the true purpose of the SoR: its really more of a shrine of stasis, to keep this manmade hero alive till hes needed. think cryogenic stasis or whatever.

so. hunter sleeps in the SoR for 10,000 years. has an awful time. one of the first (maybe The first) fic i read on ao3 was about what the SoR was like for botw link and it. stuck with me. so now i incorporate it into everything i make for botw if possible. anyways he has a miserable time, which is important because he had this miserable time for 10,000 years instead of just 100. Anyways. like botw link, he loses his memories. unlike botw link, they are inaccessible. period. there is no remembering Shit. besides like. vague vibes that he was instilled with. turns out if you make a person and tell them for their entire short existence that theyre made for a thing, then even if they forget everything else they Will still remember that theyre made for a thing. even if they dont really. so yeah all hunter knows is that he is not a person, that he exists for a Reason, and how to breathe. and other basic bodily functions. hes basically a big baby with a hero complex.

the rest of the au takes place "pre-calamity". i have a vague idea on how the actual calamity takes place (and how to make it similar to botw w/out so much death bc i have thought Very Much about this specific time period and not whatever the hell would be going on a century later. lmao.)

so. when the SoR is Discovered by sheikah researchers everyone is Very Surprised at the Whole Human Boy inside. because well. that should not be possible. this thing was difficult as hell to get into and also there was quite a bit of rock in the way! so they assume him to be dead and just miraculously preserved by the SoR fluid. And then he wakes up screaming (imagine being in the most agonizing sensory deprivation tank ever for 10,000 years and then abruptly being exposed to the world again. not fun!) and everyone is like OH SHIT ITS ALIVE.

eventually they get him out and not having the worst overstimulation meltdown in the history of all time and space and get back to hashtag Researching. some ppl focus on him (taking care of him (like i said. big baby with a hero complex), figuring out what the hell is up with him, etc) and others continue examining the SoR. the ppl with hunter make very little progress. because just bc hes not having the worst overstimulation meltdown in the history of all time and space, it doesnt mean he has a clue whats going on at all. or that hes not still having one of the worst overstimulation meltdowns in the history of all time and space. the ppl at the SoR, however, find a plaque with his name and vague purpose for existing, as well as the sheikah slate. yippee!!!

after all this, once hes less. of a big baby with a hero complex ig. we move to more character-focused stuff than exposition. so ill end this here for now. if you read all this you are very invited to talk to me abt this! i would love that! a good place to start i think would be with explaining characters. most of the important characters in the show are in this au. and i do mean most. there is quite a lot going on

[weebsinstash]

Hey I know this might be uncalled for and idk much about anything, but I found the last post in your personal blog talking about your trip kind of alarming. It sounds like you’re putting a lot of effort to an important friend, but from your posts, the entire situation just seems fishy. I’m sorry if I sound rude, I’m just concerned because you mentioned the other friend won’t make it and you’ll be alone with this guy far from home, and he doesn’t have any plans to take you around (which a lot of times, hanging out and sight-seeing doesn’t really require money, if any at all). I really hope that if you decide to go you’ll have an amazing time but at this point, but I’m afraid you’re kinda setting yourself up for disappointment? And I really hope I’m not rude by saying this. Again, you’re putting a lot of care and money into this trip so at this point you should think twice and consider going somewhere else and have fun by yourself.

I was wondering why you would ask over here but then I suddenly remembered I turned off anon on my main blog ages ago so that's on me 💀 you aren't being rude dont worry haha, its nice to know people care enough about me to express concern

For context for you guys who just know me over here, I recently reconnected with an old online friend I knew like 9 years ago and he kind of just invited me up for a visit with him and another online friend i knew during the same time period who also lives in his area on a whim because, life is short, the pandemic has been hell, people have died and drifted apart and all that, and I was really happy because he used to be a big pillar of support for me back in the day (the other friend too) and I thought "hey, taking a trip could be really good for me, im already super depressed lmao" but being invited up quickly turned into 1. Other friend can't make it 2. I have to provide my own lodging aka paying for motel which is expensive 3. He doesn't drive so I have to be taking a rideshare service to travel like 6 miles to his place and back to my hotel 4. I knew he was, earning a scholarship and such but he dropped on me today after I've already scheduled everything that he's been a full time student with no income so like, we really won't even be able to do basic shit like go out to eat or see a movie unless I pay for everything and that's on top of already spending like $1k on traveling and the motel alone

My mom is trying to talk me out of going and, I will be honest and say I'm really upset with his communication. He invited me in a really sincere way but this entire process has been a nightmare. Like I figured since I'm, you know, having to pay for a passport and travel to Canada, that we would be able to like sightsee and maybe check out the local food and try poutine but the only activities he has suggested so far is hiking (which is fine that sounds fun) and idk listening to music on subwoofers in his room in the house he shares with like 3 other men and doing shrooms. Like dude I love this guy like a brother but he really kind of should have told me he was quote "extremely poor" before I shelled out the cash to take 8 days out of my schedule, two of those which I'm going to be travelling the entire day, literally my departure day is gonna be 4am to 7pm nothing but travel and similar on the day back

But also like. He was there for me a lot of the times I needed it when I was younger, he supported me and did nice things for me, so I feel I owe him even if I didn't want to go, which I do like trust me I still want to see him. Yeah this isn't ideal but, it could still be something really good for the both of us. I trust him not to be creepy with me and you know, he's been through some really hard stuff too (for you followers over here, he is the same friend I mentioned the other day who basically lost use of his dominant hand in a work accident). Yeah it seems kind of iffy now but I could go and have a great time. And if not, if we don't click, and it's super awkward, then yeah I'm going to be extremely hardcore depressed by myself in a foreign country but I'll have my own hotel room so I can have my own space and do my own things until I crawl back home. I'll actually be in the Niagara Falls/St Catharines area of Ontario so, I figure, if I'm forced to make the best of a bad situation, there should be plenty of opportunities by myself due to the tourism :)

But yeah I'm still really nervous and I'm disappointed and anxious about this trip and I still have to pay for my passport and this is kind of coming at not the best time but,, I'm looking forward to this and so is he so, I think everything will be OK. And if not then I'll be super heartbroken and never want to trust anyone again because no one else will be familiar with me and accept me the way he has and if i don't have that then I might as well not even exist lol :)

[mejomonster]

Im gonna finish this in 2 days who knows how. Then my reward will be reading Can Ci Pin or Sha Po Lang (or both) for a week or two straight. (And maybe my also book Weird Tales of Vampires).

Fun facts: 1. I read like half a million words over the past week (absolutely lost myself in fanfic, prior week I read like 300k words).

2. I wrote 15k words in the past week and, barring sudden hyperfocus, I'm slated to finish this novel draft either by January 15 (at 2k words a day and 60k finished words) or by the end of january (if the novel gets longer than I intend and therefore requires more words from me ToT). Because I'm averaging about 2k words a day. Although I know if I hyperfocus Im capable of 8-10k words a day and you know thats like roughly 140k words in 2 weeks (aka thats how I finished writing half of what makes monsters stop devouring in 2 weeks somehow). O can occasionally do 15k words in a day but thats... thats pushing it. That usually burns me out so no more writing for weeks. But like. It is marginally possible. I crank out 30k words in the next 48 hours and either finish my novel draft or get damn close. Whats more likely... is i get to 50k words somehow in 48 hours and then horrifically discover the novel's going to need 90-100k words for the plot. Which would happen, knowing me -.- Then again, it's more likely I only crank out 8-10k words in the next 48 hours. Which is still hefty and will put me at 40k total words complete. But would only be half of the plot to 3/4, which means yeah I'm probably hitting the end of the draft in a couple more weeks of 2k ish words a day on average. Not bad, given its only a little past my self imposed deadline. Irritated though that I could not get motivated until staring down ny timeline's end (in my defense, the indulgent break to just read whatever nonstop felt good to my brain and did shake off the writer's block by reaffirming what I like about my own writing, dislike about some other writing styles, and what I aspire to). Anyway... all that to say I'd bet there's still like a 5% chance I crank out the full rest of the draft in 48 hours somehow then my brain feels fried and I dont touch it to edit for at least 2 weeks ToT (its unlikely... but it is remotely possible). In retrospect I wish I could read Saye faster than my glacial chinese reading speed, because I think it's plot and style in particular would help me with contemplating writing issue decisions.

3. Reading so much stuff in a short period kind of made me realize... well first of all, I'm for the most part going to write worse than I hoped I would but better than I feared. For all that my writing often doesn't hit my expectations, it still has a lot in it that I personally love and it irritates me when it's absent in other stories (reading fucking like 30 fanfics this week made me realize I have no patience for flat characterization, for too general plots, for certain writing styles, for plots that lean too much in one genre without playfully utilizing more at least once in a while, and I'm drawn to stuff with strong character pov voices and thoughts and attitudes you feel when you read, with movie like scenes, with playing around with what's real or a thought, with ridiculousness sprinkled in serious matter so its not always epic stakes or heavy). Like... yeah maybe I can't think of the perfect words I want to use, but I can remember plot threads very well and thread them into minor details. I plan my stories out, which is more than some authors I admire do (and is probably why Ive got the flexibility to foreshadow so much the way I like to). I may not always pick the best presentation of a scene compared to what I desire in retrospect, but I make characters you feel and see from inside which I do love and prefer to read. Like... I'm not going to be as bad as I fear, but I also gotta just accept that if I come up with something else I prefer later... I can always write a story again. But in the meantime, as the meme I saved says: write it badly, but write it. Because it doesn't exist until its written down, putting it out there is the hardest initial hurdle. Once thats done, at least it exists in some form. At least a real thing cqn be edited, or even rethought and rewritten. But critiquing an idea, a theoretical way of writing when its not even actually written down? Thats just procrastination at a certain point...

[bubblyhoney]

can i request a fic where sapnap takes the reader to his hometown? like the classic going to places he went to when he was younger. maybe playgrounds and ice cream shops idk

places i used to go

warnings: language of course, an allusion to virginap, my uneducated guess of what sapnap was like in highschool, tiny detail of long haired!sapnap, singular canon detail of underage drinking, jokish about marriage

tags: sapnap x gn!reader

words: 2191

A/N: you are a god, anon. i love comfy and nostalgic fics like these and it was so fun to write. if you hate it dont tell me but if you like it lemme know akskdjd

inbox/requests: open

-

The wind whips fast on your bare fingers, cool and quick and raising goosebumps in its wake. You blink in the haze of the early sunset, head lolled to the side of the headrest. It feels good.

“That’s where I went to high school.” Sapnap interrupts your thoughts and points a finger at a collection of tall brick buildings down a side street. The silver of the lettering is dull, but you can still feel the nostalgia.

“And you’re about to see the park that me and my friends used to hang out at after work and—actually, nevermind.” His arm drops to the middle console and he looks straight ahead with slightly pinker cheeks.

“Do what?” You ask, voice all sweet, and a grin grows on your face. You turn towards him and wiggle your eyebrows.

“Nothing. Homework.” He avoids your eye contact and hikes his hand up higher on the steering wheel. “Anyways— Do you want to get some food before we head out? I know a great place.”

You two were just coming to a close on your little trip to visit his family; it was his step-mom’s birthday and you decided to make a week of it. It was your first long-term trip with Sapnap, and also your first time meeting his dad’s side of the family. You were proud to say she loved you. His little sister took a little more effort to talk to you of her own volition, but soon enough she was on your side.

You have a couple hours to kill before making your flight back home, so Sapnap has taken it upon himself to give you a quick tour of his hometown.

“Yeah,” you decide, bottom lip popped out. “Can we get ice cream after?”

“Uh, duh.” The Neighbourhood’s Stargazing starts through the speakers and he reaches to turn it down. “I’m so ready to get home and sleep.” He stretches his neck in his seat, letting out an uncharacteristically inappropriate grunt when his bones pop. You make a disgusted face, nose wrinkling, but stretch your own back, slumping down in the seat. The day had been full of packing up and this horrible hike his dad liked to do early in the mornings, so you two were pretty beat.

“Okay, we’re here,” he announces three sleepy minutes later in his best attempt at a whisper. Lifting your head off of the corner of your seat, you blink in the setting sunlight as a yawn splits your face. “You’re so cute.”

“Shut up,” you mumble, and struggle to get your seatbelt off in that post-nap haze. You’d barely been asleep for thirty seconds, damn it. The air is a swampy heat when you step out of the car onto rocky gravel and nearly twist your ankle climbing over the curb. Sapnap catches you by the lower back, trying to hide his laugh but failing miserably. You slide him a dirty look, smacking his shoulder as hard as you can manage while limping towards the front entrance.

The door jingles when you two breach the doorway, alerting a bored-looking hostess that the circus has arrived. She looks at Sapnap a second longer than she should, eyebrows screwed together in silent confusion. But she leads the two of you to a booth near a large window, handing you sticky menus and promptly fucking right off to the host station. She nearly runs.

“Do you know her?” You ask, inconspicuously hiding your face in the search for their 24/7 breakfast menu. You feel his eyes on you.

“Don’t think so.” He leans on one elbow and slides his phone out of his jeans’ pocket. In the 25 seconds it takes for you to find their french toast and sides menu, he has browsed and closed his phone with an animatedly shocked look on his face.

“What?” You give him a weird look and put down the menu.

“I totally went to homecoming with that girl.” He eyes the hostess. You glance over at her again, meeting her gaze, and offer a polite smile. She turns away quickly, eyes wide.

“She’s cute,” you say, voice high and fake, and he drums his fingers on the tabletop as an amused look makes its way onto his face.

“Are you—?”

“What?” You reply right back.

“Nothing.”

Thank God the server comes up to your table then and starts asking for drink orders, or else you’d have to admit (sheepishly) you were a tiny eensy-weensy bit annoyed. Only a tad. But after requesting a Dr. Pepper and a water the conversation surrounding the nervous-looking hostess dies.

“I’m so hungry I think I feel my stomach shrinking.” You flop your head onto your arm on the table top and make a whiny noise into the stack of napkins your server left at the table. Sapnap rubs his thumb into the side of your forearm, touch warm and nearly dissolving the pangs of hunger and jealousy.

“You weren’t hungry an hour ago.” He lifts your hand to his face and plants a kiss on the back of it. Oh, pulling out the big guns, huh? “I would have made you something.”

You tilt onto your chin, pouting, and stare up at his cute face. His cute, scruffy, perfectly-kissable face.

“I think I got hungry staring at you for half an hour.” A mischievous grin grows on your previously-petulant face and he just shakes his head.

“I do have that effect,” he admits with cockiness in his tone, lifting his eyebrows and leaning back into the booth with his lips pursed.

The server returns with two glasses and takes your food orders onto their little yellow notepad. You chug the water down when they leave for the kitchen, getting your lap and chin thoroughly wet in the process. Sapnap just snorts at you and shoves the napkins your way.

“So,” you start, patting dry your jeans. “tell me what you were like in high school.” You cross your arms and settle into the booth, smirk on your lips.

“What I was like?” He parrots, sipping at his soda, looking thoughtful. “Firstly, a virgin.” You make a noise. Duh. Dude had a buzz cut his junior year. (You’ve seen the pictures. His step-mom particularly likes them.) “Secondly, I was actually— well, I wasn’t popular, but I had a lot of friends. We were all semi-athletic lonely band kids but we had fun. Had one girlfriend senior year but she went to Cal Tech in the fall and I didn’t. I, um, worked at a Dairy Queen in the summers and gained so much weight I had to lose all over again for Unified Track.”

“Relatable,” you comment, drinking noisily at your water. He fiddles with the paper straw wrapper and crunches it up into a ball. It goes soaring into your drink with a quiet “Kobe” and you just give him a look. He smiles toothily right back at you. “Stop being cute, I’m trying to listen to your story.”

“Oh, my bad,” he mocks. “Anyways. That’s what I was like in highschool.” You fish the paper ball out of your water and flick it wetly at his arm. It sticks and you choke on a laugh, cheeks puffed.

Two plates of warm food are set down loudly onto the table and you thank the server with a surprised smile, Sapnap mirroring you.

Two minutes of wordless chewing passes, minds occupied just by “food, me eat” instead of anything related to your previous conversation. You realize that Sapnap is one of the loudest chewers ever, and he realizes that you fail to notice the streak of maple syrup in your hair.

“C’mere,” he mumbles through a mouthful of omelet and hash browns and beckons you with his hand. You lean closer, chewing slowly, as he pats a napkin at the strands of hair trapped in syrup.

“Thanks, baby.” You take the napkin from him and pause your assault of the warm french toast before you to clean the sticky sugar out of your hair. He just watches you, half of a smile on his lips.

You two finish your food in record time. It’s borderline vacuum-like. There’s a short grace period where you just sit like two lazy cats, slumped down in the booth and holding your full stomachs. But the check comes soon after, and you both pay your way and are out of the restaurant without any mad dashes for the bathroom. A miracle, really, because of the American-like amount of butter you both consume.

“I’m a much more functional person now,” you mutter into the cotton of his shoulder, swinging your hand in his. He just hums in agreement.

“I guess we’re not getting ice cream, then,” he teases, and you just groan in response.

“I don’t feel like having diarrhea on a plane, unfortunately.” You sigh heavily when you have to split and get into your respective sides of the rental car.

The entire trip (somewhat roundabout because of the amount of side quests to show you things from his childhood) to the airport Sapnap is a chatterbox. He’s like this when he has sugar: either bouncing off the walls with energy or talking your ear off.

“That’s where my dad proposed to my step-mom. I was kinda young but I remember being surprised at how big the ring was— dude broke the bank for her.” It’s a little gazebo you catch a glimpse of through the trees in a park. It probably was an incredibly picturesque moment, and you can sense how much she must have loved it. With just meeting them this weekend, you can already see how much love those two have for each other.

You hope people can see how much you love Sapnap.

“Oh my God, it’s still there.” He points out the side of your window to what looks like a Dairy Queen that has been through World War 3. “My buddy Eric and I once spilled a gallon of that liquid ice-cream-shit all over the men’s bathroom.”

You shoot him a horrified look. “Why was it in the bathroom?”

He just smirks.

“—And that’s my Uncle Ron’s house. Had my first beer there.”

“And last, hopefully,” you add, pulling a disgusted face. The two story bungalow is cute, and one of your favorite colors: olive green. “That shit is nasty.”

He just shrugs and continues down the side street.

“Is this the park you were talking about?”

He pulls into the gravelly parking lot of a small clearing of tall trees, a picnic table and campfire sat squat in the middle. But he doesn’t respond, just turning the car off and climbing out. He reaches the passenger door without speaking, and opens it for you. You climb carefully out, confused.

“Come on.” He takes your hand and starts for a small path to the left of the picnic table. The mid-sunset shade envelopes the both of you.

“I hope this isn’t where you kill me.”

“No,” he snorts. “I just wanted to show you something.”

It’s just a few moments of stumbling through the damp underbrush before you’re coming face to face with a small, mossy pond that sits right underneath an incredibly old willow tree. He stops right on the edge of the rocky path and turns toward you.

“This your make out spot?” You ask between a grin as he snakes an arm around your waist and tugs you flush to him. Your innocent smile fades when you feel the press of his lips to the side of your neck, light and ticklish. Oh.

“No,” he murmurs, and just breathes you in. “I came here once—the night before I graduated highschool. And I told myself when I really really loved someone I’d take them here with me.” He sways with you in his grasp, a gentle and song-less dance.

You grip his shoulder tighter in your hand and lean into him.

“That’s— awfully romantic, huh?” Your voice is quiet. Almost nervous. He just makes a noise of agreement.

“So here we are.” His voice is the opposite of yours, all strong and confident.

You two just move together for a moment. The sun breaks through the tree canopy, shining bright orange down onto the glassy surface of the pond. Crickets and frogs chirp back and forth as the willow vines swing in a cool evening breeze. You watch nature come alive around you, suddenly grateful for the man in your arms.

“Don’t propose,” you whisper, breaking the gentle tension. A laugh breaks the silence and he’s pulling away to look at you. Maybe in disbelief. A strand of hair falls into his eyes and you brush it away, fingers stilling on his temple and sliding down onto his cheek. Stubble scrapes against the skin of your palm and he stares at you through those meadow eyes.

You realize in that moment that he is exactly himself. Of course he is. He’s Sapnap, and everything that encompasses that. Dark and light and fiery and cool. He always has been, and always will be.

You realize you wouldn’t mind if he proposed.

-

A/N: ask or send me some stuff!! requests, rants, anything. let me know what you think

[zekeluvr]

i,, i’m going through an eren brainrot rn and i was hoping if i could request a sub n very needy eren x f!reader. something along the lines of him pissing off the reader and she teases him to the max and eren’s just begginggg ; and then reader gets herself off without letting him release and he’s just cryinG AGGHHABA I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE <//3 ty have a nice day ≧ω≦

oh lord................................... i have to....................... think alot oh god,,, also college au bc head empty <333

vvv nsfw under the cut vvv

today has been so fucking stressful for you. class has not been treating you well and your asshole of a boyfriend has been acting more like an asshole than usual. you loved him, of course you did, but god did you wish he would shut his fucking mouth sometimes.

you often confided in your dorm-mate, ymir for advice, causing her to just laugh and nudge you with a: “sorry can’t relate, my girlfriend is basically an angel on earth.” to which you respond with a snicker and nudge her back.

you often wished you had what historia and ymir had between them with eren but he had a weird charm that had you fall for him in the first place. 

you had a free period sandwiched between two lessons of english literature. so, instead of going back to your dorm for a nap or to the nearest starbucks, you spent it in the library with a classmate of yours. she was quite standoffish when you first met her. a short blond who intimidated nearly everyone around her. 

you were one of the few lucky ones who were able to get close to her. the other two being a jock and his sidekick but more into that later. 

sighing as your phone buzzed against the wooden table, you saw the multiple notifications from eren pop up on screen. your eye twitched as you tried focusing on studying and annie let out a small chuckle at your reaction. 

“problem in paradise?” she mused, watching as you tensed for a second before letting out a deep breath.

“man, i don’t know.  i love eren but-” you were about to go on until annie kicked you under the desk, jutting her head towards the right. you furrowed your brows, looking behind you to see your boyfriend enter with his two friends.

“speak of the devil.”

“y/n.” eren smirked, taking a chair and spinning it around, sitting down with his legs on either side. his arms rested on the top of the back of the wooden chair. “whatcha doin’” his head cocked to the side to look at you, like a lost puppy.

his hair was slowly falling out of his bun, causing small strands to frame his face. you would be lying if you said he didn’t look ethereal.

“im studying, jaeger.” you let out, running a yellow highlighter along a few keywords, keeping your eyes on your textbook.

eren rolled his eyes in response, peering over the chair to take a look at your various notes before snorting. “fuckin’ nerd.” 

you threw a look over at him. could he not take anything seriously? “don’t you guys have somewhere to be maybe? like i don’t know, catching up with professor erwin?” annie spoke up, causing all of you to have a moment of shock. armin nodded, agreeing with her, tugging on eren’s hood.

“they’re trying to study, c’mon don’t bother them.”

mikasa was silent, giving you an apologising smile. 

“bother my own girlfriend? more likely than you think, but yeah, my brother will be on my ass if i miss another fucking meeting.” he sighs, giving you a playful two finger salute before rushing off with the other two. you slumped into your chair.

“sorry annie-” 

“just teach him a lesson or something, if you catch my drift.” she mumbles quickly, collecting her stuff. you look at her in surprise.

“what?” she snickers at your reaction, “im not a fucking virgin. time for class.” she mentions, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

“good idea..” you mumble to yourself as she walks off, leaving you to your own thoughts. 

good idea indeed. 

and eren gave you just the perfect opportunity. he burst in with no knock, no indication he was coming over, nothing. 

ymir was spending the night at historia’s so you didn’t have to worry about that. 

“eren what the fuck have i told you about coming in unannounced? ymir could’ve been i dont know, getting it on with historia for all you know.” you looked over at him, smiling internally at how he remembered to take his shoes off before joining you on your bed. you were not about to have his dirty ass shoes on your clean bed.

“sorry but to be fair i did see ymir walk into historia’s dorm so i knew you were alone.” he steals your soda to take a sip of it before placing it back on the bedside table. 

annie’s words echoed in your head, causing you to jump into action. 

you threw yourself over him, straddling his waist as he straightened up, excitement flashing in his eyes at where the night was leading. your threw your arms over his shoulders, shuffling so that you purposefully pressed onto his bulge through his jeans. 

he moved forward to catch your lips but you ducked your head, kissing down his cheek and jaw, running your tongue along the skin. your continued down, relishing in the way his hips jutted up once you pressed your lips to that one spot on his neck. you bit and sucked, marking him as yours. 

eren’s hands rested at your hips, his fingers digging into your thin tank top. 

you spot ymir’s tie on the floor. perfect.

you climb off of him, a quizzical look painting his face as you picked it up along with one of your (clean) socks. the brunet seemed to put two and two together.

“ohhh is that what we’re doing huh baby?” he threw his jacket off along with his shirt, expecting you to stare. however, he got the opposite. you ignored his movements, simply binding his hands to the bed and the using the (CLEAN!!!) sock as a makeshift ballgag. 

you were impressed with yourself. taking your phone out to take a quick picture before tossing it away and getting to work.

“you’ve been such a bitch boy for the past few days. why?” you questioned him, enjoying how he struggled to form words with the cloth in his mouth.

“is it because you haven’t got your dick wet in a while? is that it?” you tease, slipping your clothes off, leaving you in your underwear and bra. his eyes trailed your form, every curve and beauty mark. he flicked his eyes from you to his pants, which had a much evident tent in them now. 

you gave a little bit of mercy, pulling his jeans off and dragging a palm over his boxers where his cock had already leaked with precum. after a few teasing presses, you give him the relief of taking off his boxers.

you took his dick in your hands, pumping it a few times. you swiped your tongue along the tip, causing him to shudder under you. you stepped out of your panties, letting them drop to the floor. his eyes took notice of your arousal dripping down your thighs. your finger toyed with your clit, spreading your legs for him to see, his cock twitching when you shoved a finger into your cunt. 

eren wanted nothing more than to shove his face between your thighs right now. to lap and lick at your juices as you moaned his name. he tugged at the binding, brows furrowing as his cock begged for attention. 

you giggled at his neediness, crawling over to him and hovering over his length before fulling sitting down on him. drool split out of his mouth, causing the cloth ti go damp. a dull moan escaping his throat.

you were so hot and tight around him and he couldn’t help but buck his hips upwards into yours. though he easily hit into your sensitive spot.

“holy fuck, you’re so fucking big fuck.” you cursed, lifting yourself before slamming down onto him, causing him to throw his head back at the feeling. the lewd sound of skin on skin echoed throughout your room and whoever walked past would definitely know what was going on. 

you continue fucking yourself on his cock, using your fingers to pinch at your clit. the sight alone could’ve made eren cum in you but it was nothing compared to how you creamed around him, your walls pulsing around him. he was literally about to fall off the edge, before you pulled off of him. his cock falling limp as a tiny drop of cum dribbled out of him. 

“wha fe hell!” he yelled through the fabric. you pulled the sock in his mouth down, letting him talk freely.

“please y/n! i want to cum! please let me cum!” eren begged, tugging on the bindings harder. “please fuck- i just wanna feel your pretty pussy please.” he pressed on further, causing the corners of your lips to curl up into a teasing smile. his eyes were glassy, tears falling with a single blink. long brown hair sticking to his damp forehead, messy on the pillow under his head. 

“sorry baby..” you threw on a hoodie, your panties and some shorts after cleaning yourself up. 

“maybe if you weren’t such a little bitchy boy, i would’ve let you cum.” you slid his boxers and jeans back on for him, zipping him up.

“now, you stay here, im gonna get us some pizza, yeah?” you pulled his hair into a bun and loosened the tie around his wrists slightly. 

you’ll untie them completely later, but for now, you wanted to have your fun. 

[lizandbo]

period headcanons w/ some hq bois

Okie dokie, so i know i do a lot of haikyuu freaking chubby x peep...but lemme change for this one....it mah periods time ssooo I’m doin this becuase i feel like other peeps need this while they are on there’re period ...idk if this whole thing even makes sense or not

Warnings: cursing, 

This is obviously a female reader so yeah....

I’m sorry if this is really short- i meant like, short lil things for each person...help i need speech

Hinata 

- This sweet boi wants to do everything for you but you know he ain’t a mcfucking octopus that could do 8 things at once

- he does do the best he can tho

- and if your in one of those mood swings when your hormones go wack-a-doodle, hell try to put up with it but if you get to the point that its your excuse he be like: ok, thats it...*hugs* -seconds later- everything’s is fine and normal 

- “ do you need anything?” ‘maybe like...pads orrr”

-” Y E S”

-  “ok, ok whatever you need princess”

- when he does get the pads, while halfway walking to the nearest drug store.....( like CVS, walgreens, rite aid etc...) he realizes he doesnt know which ones to buy you, the wings? The night pads? Which size???

- he goes into the pads section...and just stands there, staring at all the ones to buy you 

- so he came home with six packs of total different sizes and styles 

- you thank him for trying...but he could’ve always texted you which one s to buy tho 

- i think that Hinata would be great at being the lil sidekick on your period weeks

- if you want cuddles- done, boom, bam...he already holding ya

- chocolate? He’s out at the door for a journey 

- Hinata will be like a jumping rabbit if you get up from any surface 

- “ nope, you aren’t going to move....what do you need?”

- “ to stretch”

- “you could stretch in bed but dont get up”

- all this bb just wants you to be as comfortable as possible 

Tanaka 

- he would be. Like “oh...wait oHHH that...thing, i remember saeko always screaming becuase of those”

- but ya boi tryna to be noice, but doesnt really help becuase he doesnt want to get in harms fucking way

- but ya need ya help 

- does not let or bring you eat chocolate or some dairy things becuase his research cuz he carin’ like dat, that it makes you more uncomfortable even tho women crave it during the torture 

- but but but but, he willlll cuddle and snuggle with you 

- more than normally- ifff...thats even possible

-  “hey, why are you laying in the bed like your about to die or something-”

- “becuase i FEEELLLLL LIKE IM DYINGGGG RNNNNNN”

-” okkkkkayyy, just chill, i will give ya some mac’ & chez”

- “how the fuck is that gonna help, and also the last time you went into the kitchen to cook something you almost burnt the house”

- “so much for believing in me”

- “tanakaaaaAAAaa’

- “ok ok, ill be right back”

Tsukishima 

- this is the face when you explain about periods sucking^

- also like tanaka, does not give or let you eat dairy, he smart like tat

- of course, he’s the more prepared one on this list 

- he plans your periods, secretly 

- he is always cautious about the bed being bloody the next morning when the pad gives up

- will. Ha;f-assed tolerate the mood swings, like your so freaking sensitive to everything he says

- “you bleeding up more than in the World War Two and one combined”

-”TSUKI, wtf do you not get fucking periods??”

- “yes i do but-”

- “NO FUCKING BUTS!”

- “y/n your bleeding from your fucking pussy, why cant i make a joke out of it?”

- “_SnIfF- I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you like this,..please dont yell or get mad-SnIfF- at me”

- “ok, do you need anything while i scream into the pillow walk to the kitchen to cook something to eat?”

- “nope:D”

- “i-...ok whatever”

Asahi

- he quite scared tho

- like, not scared but-...worrying 

- i think he 100 percent will giv you the sweetest of belly rubs

- if you look like you dyin, he’s there for you

- he may or may not give you your favorite treats 

- will always text you during class or anything of the sort to ask if you alright 

-cramping up? This boi gotchu, need pads? He’s in the women in the hygiene aisle..painkillers? You got them

- when you bleed on anything, he’s like the maid that cleans up everything that you mess up

- asahi will do anything that you request him

- “hey, do you need anything?”

-”...cuddles?”

-here comes the cuddle monster, face to face nuzzling his nose and face into your neck, pressing soft and warm kisses

- when the mood swings come into town,he alright with it..his sister already done that wit him so he’s experienced it

- “which pack do you usually buy?”

- “mmm-*the ones that you usually buy*-”

- “okie dokie, all be back. I dont want my lover to be out of anything during this week<3″

- “mkay babe, cya..thank ya”

- “no worries!”

A/n: i sorry that this is very short, writers block i guess? And it like 1am too soooo

[lachambers-central]

hi, you dont have to respond if you dont want. i love stand by me, but just wanted to kindly note (as a member of lgbtqia, and maybe you are too) that labeling male -children- as “gay” just because they hug and confide in one another may also encourage society’s ongoing message to straight males they cannot do these things without being homosexual, when obviously in reality, you can do these things and still be masculine/hetero.

I notice a lot of people do this and very few recognize this issue. So yeah i dont want you to think im attacking in any way, I’m just raising awareness :) hope you have a good day!

So I wasn't a hundred percent sure if I was going to respond to this message or not, but after some thinking I changed my mind.

It is true that we live in a society where toxic masculinity is very prominent. Young boys are taught not to cry, to surpress their emotions, and words like "gay" were used as an insult to many, and became an active fear, because of course they weren't, how could they be, it's something bad. Except, like both you and I know, both being members of the LGBTQ+ community, isn't. Because queerness isn't something that is wrong, or a burden or an insult.

Growing up, I didn't know it wasn't all of that, because that is exactly how I felt when I started to figure it out, and I still struggle with my own internalised homophobia, even though I've come a long way from where I was. Right around the time I started to figure out that perhaps I wasn't straight, I also watched Stand By Me for the first time. I was in the seventh grade, and our teacher had us watch it for class, and I just remember seeing the final scen when Chris is comforting Gordie and going "oh".

This story connected with me as a queer kid, and I never quite knew why until I got a bit older and started finding other queer kids who've had similar experiences with the film and short story as I've had. Seeing how they saw themselves I realised that I did too.

Queer representation in media has absolutely gotten better through the years, and as a sapphic, I am really glad I've gotten some incredible representation since I first watched Stand By Me. The Fosters helped me see that I had a future, One day at a time embraced me with acceptance when no one else did, and YA books such as You should see me in a crown are the types of stories I wish I'd had when I was fifteen.

How people chose to interpret The Body / Stand by me is entirely up to each individual, and if this film to many is just a story about childhood adventures, then it's a valid take, and the story has clearly impacted them differently, which is completely fine. But when other queer kids read lines such as “Stick with me, Gordie,’ Chris said in a low, shaky voice. ‘Stick with me, man.’” or, “My reasons for clinging to Chris were less definable” or even things like "We both dated in high school, but no girl ever came between us period." or "I could not have just left him to sink or swim on his own. If he had drowned, that part of me would have drowned with him, I think." and feel seen, they're not enforcing toxic ideals onto men, they are seeking comfort in a world that has long denied them their right to be seen.

I agree with your take on toxic masculinity anon, and I definetly don't think two men shouldn't be able to be vulnerable with each other without some romantic intent behind it. Such an idea is very engrained in society, and needs to be adressed. But, that is not what is happening here. People aren't enforcing any ideas onto these characters as much as they're seeing themselves in them and interpretating them in their own way.

Thank you for sending your message anon, and I hope you have a wonderful day, but just for future reference, maybe don't send stuff like this to queer kids running SBM blogs who are just talking about a piece of media that made them feel seen when not much else did.

Thank you.

[antiloreolympus]

6 Anti LO Asks

1. i would actually get the idea people look down on the underworld gods bc like yeah theyre scary and unwelcomed, but like its undercut by rachel making them the most desirable and most powerful for?? reasons?? like she wants them to be underdogs while at the same time being the best at everything, which is her issue with persephone too, she also has to be powerless and humble but also the most unique and powerful. she wants us to root for them when they have no actual struggles.

2. i dont take reviews for anything, tbh. the "professional" reviews LO got were all by people who are also at the same printing house, so theyre literally paid to say something nice for marketing even if they dont like it (i work in publishing, we do this all the time), and amazon reviews arent regulated, so of course LO stans will flood it to fluff it up. thats what let's play fans have been doing too for years now too, despite it being wattpad markipiler fanfic.

3. I know comparing characters isn’t right but honestly LO has enough wrong going on I won’t feel bad. Persphone isn’t interesting on her own in LO. A lot of her character is having things happen to her except for flirting with Hades and killing mortals (and maybe running away as a reaction to Zeus). Persphone we are told she is smart, naive, powerful but powerless. Her character literally is whatever RS thinks fits the chapter the best. Persphone has no clear goals other than wanting Hades, what’s her major? What was the next step after college? Do the other gods go to college? Why doesn’t she know what sleeping to the top means but knows so much about flirting with a man who has a gf? What was she suppose to be doing if she never met hades?

Although the other female cast may not be likeable, they do actually do stuff that drives their own character

Minthe may have fallen into a shitty relationship with Hades, but she feels sick about the ring and treats Hades because he doesn’t listen to her. She leads Persphone to the wrong location cause she doesn’t like her. She fights hades (not a good thing but does something to the plot)

Daphne has Persphones background, grew up in the mortal realm. However she’s a lot more interesting. Demeter probably isn’t strict with Daphne, but Daphne is now and influencer with business deals and when forced to Dave Apollo bits and threatens him. And even before with Apollo wanted to find out her own opinions on the guy.

Hecate isn’t a main character but enjoys to be in the plot and leaves the plot as she pleases, she’s support but also seems like there more to her than shown. She likes chaos, gardening, and expanding her knowledge.

Aphrodite, drove the plot with the drugs and car thing, NOT A GOOD THING but actually did something. Was looking for her husband, testing her son may not be the best character but actually leaves marks on the story telling despite not showing up a lot.

Artemis, invites Persphone into her home, has always been this sliver footed hunter, was doing fine before persphone, but also has her own family issues

Demeter fought in a war, has her own morals and ethics when raising a daughter, may have messed up but again actually contributes to the plot

Hera pushes HXP together and apart, has her own interesting drama, seduced Kronos and paid for it gravely, DID have an affair with hades. Not good things but contributions.

Thetis manipulates people

Persphone just doesn’t do much herself in the comic. She didn’t want to go to the party, she didn’t want the job, a lot of the plot is having her having something happen to her. The drugging, the Apollo the offers, Meg offering her clothes even. She doesn’t drive the plot other than flirting with Hades even knowing about Minthe, killing those mortals, and turning Minthe into a plant, but none of those things are even framed as wrong. It’s like even when she does make a “mistake” it doesn’t “count”

4. DID HADES ACTUALLY REALLY HONESTLY SAY ZEUS' RAGE IS MISMANAGED!?!

5. Since we’re talking about self-inserts, hell, I have like 3 characters in my book that can be argued to be my self inserts. But the difference is that while I project onto them plenty, I still remember they are my CHARACTERS, not me. I give them flaws, I write them how I would any other, and I make them suffer consequences when needed. There’s a difference between that and whatever the hell RS is doing with Persephone

-----FP Spoilers-----

6. Not to beat a dead horse but even with Hades saying he misspoke in calling Persephone his wife - considering they arent dating and have only known each other for a short time period, it still sounds weird, right? Like in the newer chapters (I think) Hades and Persephone discuss going on a "first date" after the trial is over which would be fine - except A). It sounds as though even if Persephone gets a punishment (like lets say its a Prometheus treatment kinda thing) that they'll just go behind Zeus' back + authority to go on dates anyway, regardless of punishment or not, and B). Hades calling Persephone his wife indicates that despite not even being on a proper date or even knowing her all that well that he already thinks of her as such, which seems a bit presumptuous considering everything thats been happening.

Also ive seen claims far and between that months have passed if not a year since Persephone went on the run / the beginning of the comic - does anyone have a source for that? (The timeline makes everything confusing).

Also, I was told that the trial doesnt take place in the underworld - that it actually takes place in Olympus?? Anyone got a source? Pls and thanks. 

From OP, not Anon: From the episodes currently on FP, the trial does take place on Olympus. The underworld is in a constant state of darkness and the place where the trial is being held shows it's visibly daytime. Also, it hasn't been months or a time skip. Some people were confused by Hades's wording because he said 'months'. Saying weeks would've been way better and less confusing.

[themetaphorgirl]

alright but can i request a patron saint hotch loopy on day quill one shot?? bc i would love to read that even if it takes like 3 years to get around to it 🥺🥺🥺

did I get in the mood to write something cuddly and kind of silly with lots of Alex and Aaron: The Wonder Twins vibes???

yes I did. also I wrote over half of this on my phone during my break at work.

----------

“...so when you think about it colloquially, it’s perfectly acceptable to refer to the monster as Frankenstein, so-“

Alex moved Spencer’s glass of orange juice out of the way before he could knock it over with an overenthusiastic wave of his hand. “JJ, what are you doing?” she asked, exasperated.

JJ reached into her cereal bowl, picked up a couple of pieces, and tossed it into an empty mug. “There’s too much cereal in my lucky charms, I only wanted the marshmallows,” she said.

“You can’t eat just marshmallows, Jennifer.”

“I’m not. I got donuts too.”

“Hotch wasn’t here to stop her,” Emily snickered. 

Alex sighed. “Where is Hotchner?” she said. “It’s not like him to be late.” 

“He said he slept through his alarm and he’d meet us here,” Derek said, stabbing his fork into a hashbrown. 

“That’s also not like Hotch,” Alex said. She caught Spencer before he could topple out of his chair onto the floor. “Darling, I’m so glad you’re this enthusiastic at seven in the morning, but please sit down.”

Spencer obeyed, sliding down from his knees to sit on his bottom. “I got the wrong juice, I don’t like this kind,” he said. “I got the kind with pulp.”

“Why didn’t you get the kind you like?” Alex asked. 

“Hotch gets it for me because I’m too short to see the labels. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into.”

Alex pulled her phone out of her skirt pocket. “He hasn’t texted me or the group chat,” she said. “It’s not like him to be late.”

“Should we be worried? I feel like we should be worried,” Penelope said. 

“We don’t need to worry,” Alex said. “Spencer, what are you doing?”

“Getting the pulp out of my juice. I shouldn’t have to chew juice.”

“Please put the spoon down.”

“I’ll get you juice,” Penelope promised.

“Thank you,” Alex said. “And can you please get something for JJ that isn’t dehydrated marshmallows?”

“I like them.”

“Eat a fruit, Jennifer!”

Derek paused as Penelope left the table. “Uh...we might need to worry about Hotch,” he said. 

Alex twisted around in her seat to look behind her. “Oh, fuck,” she sighed. 

Hotch’s tie was knotted wrong, leaving one end of the tie dangling by his belt buckle, and his blazer was misbuttoned. His dark hair flopped over his eyes, still sleep-mussed, and his backpack was unzipped. “Hey, guys,” he said. “Sorry I’m late.” He tried to hang his backpack on the empty chair next to Alex but missed completely, sending it crashing to the floor. “Well, shit.”

“What the hell is wrong with you, dude?” Emily said. 

Hotch blinked. “I overslept,” he said, rubbing his ear. “What time is it?”

“Almost time to go to homeroom,” Alex said. “Are you okay?”

He kept rubbing his ear. “Huh?” he said. He sat down heavily next to Alex. “Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. Do I have time to eat?” 

JJ slid her mug of cereal over to him. “You can have the rest of my lucky charms,” she offered. 

Hotch scooped a handful of dry cereal into his mouth and frowned. “What happened to all the marshmallows?” he asked. 

“I ate them.”

“You can have my juice,” Spencer offered. 

Hotch reached around Alex, picked up the glass, and took a swig. “Ugh, there’s stuff in it,” he complained. “I don’t want to chew my juice.”

“That’s what I said!” Spencer said. 

Alex frowned. “I don’t think you’re okay,” she said. She touched the back of her hand to his forehead. “Yikes, Aaron. You’re burning up.”

“Hm?” he said. He coughed, a thick sound rattling deep in his chest. “I’m okay. I drank like...half a bottle of DayQuil.”

“I can tell,” she said, poking at the damp orange stain on his uniform shirt. He squinted down at it and frowned. “Also, drinking half a bottle of DayQuil doesn’t mean you’re okay. I think that’s the opposite of okay.”

“I’ll be fine,” Hotch said. “I have a test in second period I can’t miss.”

Emily caught his arm across the table. “Stop, stop, stop,” she said. “Do you know you’re about to pour your juice into your cereal?”

Hotch paused long enough for Alex to carefully take the glass out of his hand while he blinked in confusion. “Maybe you should make up the test later,” she suggested. 

“No, I can handle a test,” he said. He blinked, then clapped a hand over his face. “Oh, shit. I think I only put one contact in this morning.” He rubbed the heel of his palm into his eye. “Shit. Aw, yikes.”

“You need to go back to bed,” Alex said. “Or the nurse’s office.”

He swatted at her hand. “No, I don’t, Alexandra,” he said. “It’s just a chest cold. Stop treating me like Spencer.”

Spencer scowled. “I think I’m insulted by that,” he said. 

Alex put Spencer’s fork back in his hand. “Eat your breakfast,” she said. “Listen, Hotch, I can’t stop you if you want to go to class. But nobody’s going to judge you if you stay in your room and rest.”

Hotch coughed into his elbow. “I’m gonna get a Red Bull,” he said, pushing himself out of his chair and nearly knocking it over in the process. 

“Oh, he’s definitely sick,” Derek said. “You hear his Virginia accent coming out? He sounds like Colonel Sanders.”

“Don’t worry, Al, I’ll keep an eye on him,” Emily said. 

“Thanks,” she said. “Spencer, you have to drink your juice. You and Hotch have no immune systems and if he gets sick, you’re going to get sick, and I can’t deal with both of you coughing up a lung.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Spencer said. “Although vitamin C-“

“Drink your juice.”

By the time breakfast was over Alex was confident that Hotch wasn’t going to last the whole day. His cough was deep and persistent, and he kept absentmindedly rubbing his ears. She couldn’t exactly blame him- she’d pulled similar stunts herself when a big test or project was coming up- but this was more than a mild cold. Most likely he’d make it to lunch before he relented. 

To her surprise, it was even sooner. 

She got to chapel early and pulled out her book to read, but she nearly dropped it when Emily’s voice cut through the soft chatter of the hall. 

“Hey, Alex, come get your twin!”

Alex picked up her book and set it back beside her. “For the last time, Emily, stop telling everybody that Hotch and I are twins,” she said. She stopped. “Oh, no.”

Hotch was leaning heavily on Emily’s shoulder, his eyes glazed over. “Hey, I think I need to sit down,” he said. 

“Yeah, no shit, Sherlock,” Emily huffed, struggling under his weight. “You shouldn’t have gone to class in the first place.”

“I had a test,” he said. 

Alex crossed her arms. “Yeah?” she said. “How’d that go for you, bubba?”

“I’m not sure, I don’t remember taking the test,” he confessed. “I remember sitting down at my desk and then...everything got kind of blurry.”

Alex sighed. “Please tell me you’re going back to your room to rest,” she said. 

“I mean...it’s not that bad.” Hotch said. “I’ve been sicker before.”

“That’s not reassuring.”

Emily scanned the chapel doors. “Oh, wow, is that Haley Brooks over there?” she said. “You should go over and say hello. Haley! Hi, Haley!” 

“No!” Hotch said. “Jesus, Emily, I don’t want to talk to her right now, I look like shit!”

“Then you should definitely go back to your room before she sees you,” Emily said. She gave him a gentle push towards the back exit doors. “Come on, hurry up.”

“Do you want me to go with you?” Alex called, but he was out the door already, his still-unzipped backpack dangling off one shoulder. 

Emily tilted her head. “I don’t think he heard you,” she said. “He looks like death warmed over through. I’m kind of worried. Which means your spidey-sense must have bypassed tingling and gone straight to exploding.”

“I should have gone with him,” Alex said. “Although I’m not sure I would be able to explain missing classes.”

“Just tell your teachers you have to take care of your brother,” Emily suggested. 

Alex rolled her eyes. “Listen, I don’t know you and Dave keep telling everybody we’re related,” she said. “We’re in different grades. We have different last names.”

“C’mon, it’s fun, you’re the Wonder Twins,” Emily said. She squished Alex’s cheeks and laughed. “You look enough alike to pass for siblings.”

“Nobody thinks that,” Alex said flatly, batting her hand away. “We’d better go sit before chapel starts.”

She kept her phone close through chapel and her third period class. He didn’t text her, but that wasn’t reassuring either. No news wasn’t necessarily good news.

The bell rang at the end of third period, but she hesitated before she started the walk towards the dining hall. She tapped her fingertips against the back of her phone case, and after a moment she typed out a text. Her phone buzzed seconds later with an answer.

Jamie <3

11:26am

yeah I figured youd want to check on him. dont worry about the baby i’ll make sure he eats a vegetable. love you!!!! 

Alex felt the back of her neck heat up as she smiled at the screen. The whole love thing was still shiny and new and made little sparks prickle at the nape of her neck. 

She slung the strap of her satchel across her shoulder and made the trek across campus to Lincoln House. Hotch had given her a spare key fob- Derek was constantly losing and finding his, resulting in multiple replacements floating around- and she let herself into the quiet lobby. Hopefully there wouldn’t be too many people around.

“Ah, Miss Miller. What are you doing over here? Shouldn’t you be in the dining hall?”

Alex jumped. She was not expecting to see Mr. Gideon standing in the lobby and staring at her. “Checking on my brother, he’s, uh, he’s sick,” she blurted out.

“Oh, the big one or the little one?” he asked. 

She blinked. “Excuse me?”

“You know,” he said. “Aaron or Spencer?”

“It’s, uh, it’s the big one this time,” she said.

Mr. Gideon nodded sagely. “Your twin,” he said. “Well, go on up. Hope he feels better soon.”

He walked out to his office and closed the door; she sighed heavily. Maybe Emily and Dave were on to something after all.

She made her way up the stairs to the seventh floor and knocked lightly on his closed door. “Hotch?” she called. “It’s Alex. I just wanted to check on you.” He didn’t answer. “Hotch?” She tried the handle. “Oh, of course you locked the door.” She pulled a bobby pin out of her hair and stuck it in the keyhole. 

The lock popped easily after a bit of fiddling and she opened the door. “Oh, Jesus Christ, Hotchner,” she sighed. 

His unzipped backpack had dumped half its contents in the middle of the floor when he’d dropped it, along with his uniform blazer and his right shoe. Hotch was sprawled out on his bed on top of the covers, his long gangly legs dragging on the floor and his left shoe still on. He was still wearing his uniform and his rarely-worn glasses perched at a crooked angle on his nose, threatening to fall off at any moment as he snored. 

“You’re dead to the world, aren’t you, bubba?” she said aloud. She set her satchel and blazer down on Hotch’s desk and sat on the edge of his bed. His breathing was shallow and congested, and his face was flushed red. “Hotch. Hotchner. Wake up for a second.” She pinched him lightly and his eyes shot open. “Hey, good, you’re awake.”

“What the fuck?” he mumbled. He rubbed his eyes, knocking his glasses sideways. “How did you get in here?”

“Picked the lock with a bobby pin,” she said.

He scrunched up his nose. “Like Annie Drew?”

“It’s Nancy Drew, and maybe that’s where I learned it from, I read a lot of mystery novels when I was an impressionable middle schooler,” she said. She tucked her legs underneath her and touched the back of her hand to his cheek. “How are you feeling?”

“Like hot garbage,” he said. “This cold is kicking my ass.”

“I don’t think you have a cold, bubba, I think you have bronchitis,” she said. “Did you take anything when you got back here or did you just crash?”

“Well, I’ve had most of a bottle of DayQuil today,” he said. He struggled to sit up. “You know what happens when you drink most of a bottle of DayQuil?”

“No, what happens?”

“Nothing good, I’ll tell you that for free,” he said. 

Alex winced in sympathy. “You threw up?”

He ran his hands through his hair and dragged his palms over his face. “It was neon orange, Al,” he said, slightly muffled. 

“That’s no good,” she said. “Did you-”

He broke into a cough, thick and heavy and rattling in his lungs, and Alex rubbed his back. “Hey, you’re okay,” she said gently. “Take a deep breath. You’re okay,”

It took a moment for him to settle down and breathe normally again; his glasses tilted drunkenly on his nose and his eyes were watering. “That sucked,” he rasped. 

“Yeah, I bet,” she said. “You’ve got the sore throat, right? Feels like you swallowed broken glass?”

“I was going to say barbed wire, but yeah,” he said. 

Alex squeezed his knee. “Get out of your uniform and lie down,” she said. “I’ll go get you something to drink. How much water have you had today?”

“If Red Bull counts, then I’ve had two waters.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’ll go get you water and a gatorade,” she said. “You get changed.”

She started to leave the room. “Hey, Alex?” he asked. She paused in the doorway. “Can you get me a purple one?”

“Yes, I’ll get you a purple gatorade.”

“The light purple, not the dark purple,” he called after her.

“I remember, I remember,” she called back. 

She went down to the vending machines and got him two bottled waters and a light purple gatorade. For all his mature-for-his-age, old soul vibe, Hotch was as hard to handle as Spencer when he wasn’t feeling well.

His door was cracked when she got back to his room, but she paused. He’d changed into flannel pajama pants and he was struggling into one of his wrestling tee shirts. Alex bit back a wince and ducked back into the hallway. She rarely saw the scars on his back, but he usually kept them well hidden and it never got easier to see it. He didn’t like to talk about it, and she didn’t blame him.

When she was sure the coast was clear she stepped back into the room. Hotch sat on his bed, his shoulders slumped and his head in his hands. “Headache?” she asked as she set the bottles down on his nightstand. 

“It feels like there’s a rock concert playing directly in my brain,” he said.

She went into his bathroom and dug around in the medicine cabinet. He didn’t have much for himself; it was mostly medicine they kept on hand for Spencer. “Oh, I can give you the big boy ibuprofen instead of the chewable stuff,” she teased. She set the bottle of ibuprofen down with the drinks. “This first though. Hold still.”

She set the thermometer in his ear and he jumped. “Ow,” he complained. “You could have warned me.”

“If I warned you, you’d try to argue,” she said. It beeped and she held it out so he could see the readout. “A hundred point four. You’re not going to class today, or tomorrow either.”

He rolled his eyes. “At least I got my test done,” he said. 

“How do you think you did?” she asked. 

“I don’t think I failed.”

Alex took his hand so she could place the pills in his hand, then opened one of the bottles of water. “Take these. Drink all of this. And then go to sleep,” she said. 

“I’m not tired, I had so much DayQuil,” he complained as he popped the pills in his mouth. 

“Which you’ve already puked back up,” she pointed out. “You need to get some sleep.”

He chugged a third of the water and paused to cough. “I just need to rest,” he said. “Can you hand me my laptop.”

“No.”

Hotch scowled. “Alexandra. Give me my laptop,” he said. “I have an essay due on Friday.” 

She grabbed his laptop and wrestled it into her school bag. “You can have it back when you’re not running a fever,” she said. 

“Alex!” he whined. “I need to work on that.” She bit back a laugh. “Why are you smiling like that?”

“Sorry, it’s hard to take you seriously with your nerd glasses on,” she said. He huffed, which turned into another cough. “Seriously, Aaron. You need to take it easy. And it’s school policy that you can’t attend classes until you’ve been fever-free for twenty-four hours.” He rubbed his ear. “Besides, you know Spencer’s going to try to spend quality time with you, and he’s not going to be able to handle it if he catches what you have. The more you rest and take care of yourself, the sooner you’ll get over it.”

Hotch sighed. “Fine,” he said. “You win.”

“I usually do.”

“You just had to play the Spencer card.” 

“I was saving it just in case.”

Hotch set the empty water bottle back on the nightstand and shifted around until he was under the covers. “Are you going back to class?” he asked. “Lunch is almost over.”

He sounded nonchalant, but he was avoiding her eyes and tugging at a loose thread on his comforter. “I can stay a while longer,” she said. “Besides, if anybody asks where I was, Gideon can tell them I was with you. You know he thinks we’re twins too?”

“For such a brilliant man, he’s kind of clueless,” Hotch said. “I’m not going to sleep, but I’ll rest, okay?”

“Sure,” Alex said. “Do you want to watch something?” She pulled at the laces of her ankle boots. “Do you want to watch wrestling?”

“I don’t watch wrestling.”

Alex looked him up and down. “We all know you’re a secret wrestling fan,” she said. “And even if you say you’re not, I can read your tee shirt.”

“No one ever wants to watch wrestling with me,” he said.

“Yes, well, you’re sick, you should get to watch what you want,” she said. She set her boots aside and handed him the remote. “Now scoot over.”

He paused, the remote balanced in his hand as the TV blinked on. “Why?” he asked.

“Because I said so,” she said. “I mean it! Scoot over.”

He obeyed, still clearly confused, and she pulled and tugged at him until they both fit on his narrow twin bed, his head resting on her stomach. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “Wow, you really are mostly limbs, aren’t you?”

“I’ve had a couple of growth spurts,” he said. “You’re sure you want to watch wrestling with me?”

“Go for it,” she said. 

Truthfully she had no desire to watch wrestling, but she knew it would make him happy, and when he was this sick he deserved things that would make him happy. She ran her fingers through his thick hair, and before long she heard him snoring again, the sound thick and rattling in his lungs. When she was sure he was asleep she tugged his glasses off and set them aside on the nightstand. Most likely he would wake up cranky and groggy and he’d try to argue that he could go to class, but for now she could keep him calm and quiet, and hopefully the sleep would help. 

“Maybe you’ll be a little bit less of an absolute disaster when you wake up,” she said, and she kept stroking his hair while he slept. 

[the-ghost-king]

you have any nico headcanons where he’s ftm trans but then realizes he’s also nonbinary (he/they/she)? just struggling with gender identity lately ig.

Alright, anon, I hope these help you some, my gender has been rather ~~~ lately, if that makes any sense... I would also like to remind everyone to bind safely and if you need resources on how to safely bind without a binder feel free to reach out to me:

Nico always just knew he was a boy, dresses were a no-go, couldn't stand to wear anything that wasn't undeniably boys clothes

In the beginning Maria thought maybe it was just a texture problem, but when Nico was three she came home to see him cutting all of his hair off she knew it was deeper

This is why they ended up moving to America eventually, Maria decided that if they started over then Nico would be able to be himself

Bianca named him on the way over, she liked the name because they were "winning" by leaving Italy

Nothing really signifigant happens in regards to Nico and his gender through this point, he is able to play freely with other boys, and he goes to school with them and such

The same in the Lotus Hotel, nothing signifigant

When he and Bianca go to Westover Nico is kind of scared the whole time, because he is worried about being "caught", changing for afterschool soccer games and having communal shower spaces at the school is difficult for him to feel comfortable

He usually tries to shower late at night or early in the morning when nobody is around, and that works out okay for him

His chest starts developing around this point and he freaks out, he has no clue how to hide it or how to deal with the new stress

He ends up trying to find Bianca one day, and they do all sorts of crazy stuff to see if they can help, eventually they figure out how to use a piece of cloth they sew together

When Nico ends up at camp alone without Bianca, there's the problem once again of communal showers and they're rarely ever empty

This is how he befriends the Stolls

At some point the pair of them notice Nico is weirdly panicky about the bathrooms so they go stand outside and keep people out when Nico's in there... It's honestly how they perfect their pranking techniques

When Nico runs away from camp upset, just the day before his binder had quit fitting and he had been upset by that because he had to make a binder again

Although his sister dying pushed all other thoughts out of his head, the emotions from previous events were still leftover

This is why he buys his jacket TM, because the layers help hide his chest more and the weight is comfortable

At some point during the Labrynth he ends up binding with ace bandages (AN: Don't do this)

He also starts his period at some time around this point and kind of freaks out "oh no" and it's not entirely that his period bothers him, but more so that he just doesn't know how he's supposed to hide it

He also realizes at some point around here that he likes Percy, which makes him feel odd and more freaked out

He's struggling because "boys are supposed to like girls" and also he's struggling because if most boys oon't have periods and he does... why doesn't his bother him?

Despite Nico himself being trans, he doesn't have the vocabulary to describe anything he's going through, and he doesn't know there's other trans people, or even queer people of any sort

So he sort of begins to question "am I really a boy?" but there's so much going on in the world and he's got so much to do, so he can't really devote much time to thinking about it

Everything continues about canonically until he's in the jar after Tartarus

During a fight with a monster or something he was knocked over, and combine this with the fact that Nico was binding with ace bandages, he definitly breaks a rib

Which makes breathing with little air a lot harder

Eventually he's saved and through ambrosia and nectar Nico manages to heal his ribs a little

He isn't able to bind that whole time though, so he does his best to keep away from The Seven

After Cupid outs him to Jason, Jason asks a few days later if he wants to talk about it, at first Nico is like "no go away I don't like you don't talk to me"

But eventually he opens up to Jason, because Jason was like "I'm sorry you had to do that I promise I won’t tell anyone and if you want to talk we can talk"

Anyhow eventually Nico kind of just breaks down and he's like "I don't know if I'm a boy or a girl? I think I used to be a girl, but now I am a boy and I don't really remember how it happened” or something similar

It takes Jason a moment but eventually he’s like “Oh you’re trans?”

And Nico;s like “heh? What’s that?

And so him and Jason talk, but Jason is only kind of well versed in this topic, so he only covers “basic” MtF and FtM transition because he doesn’t really know enough about other genders to feel comfortable explaining it

And Nico’s like “there’s people? Out there?? Like me??” and he’s just Happy Nico ™

Nico is like “and there are people like me who like boys?”

And Jason is like “Yeah totally!” but internally he’s like (I think so??)

Anyhow Nico feels a little better, but he doesn’t feel perfect, he’s still struggling a little bit internally to recognize that there’s other people like him and he’s not wrong for being him

Anyhow, Jason doesn’t know enough about this stuff to know binders exist, Jason just has a little bit of secondhand information from tv shows and from being from California… He promises he’ll look into various things more when he’s back at camp or has decent access to internet

On Nico’s quest with Reyna and Hedge he obvious evaporates Bryce, and Reyna and Hedge find out

They find out he’s gay as in canon, but they realize he’s trans when caking him in mud

Hedge just goes into dad mode about the situation and is like “son”, “sport”, “kiddo”, “my male child” etc

Reyna knows a little more about trans stuff than Jason, but she’s kind of in the same “ehhh I’m not really sure of a few things” boat, but she’s supportive and she’s like “I will beat anyone who gives you a dirty look up so fast”

Eventually they get to camp, and all that happens

Three days in the infirmary happens, and basically Nico has to tell Will for medical reasons that he’s trans because Nico needs stitches or something

Anyhow Will is like “Oh yeah cool me too, can you take your binder off now?”

And Nico is like “heh???”

Anyhow Will finds out Nico is binding with ace bandages and he’s like “no, don’t do that” and then he goes and finds a proper binder in Nico’s size which he gives to him after his stay is up

When they befriend one another they have a short conversation about gender and Will is discussing like gender theory 101 type stuff, and he’s like “wait why dont you know this- oh yeah you’re from the thirties- wait do you even know what nonbinary means??”

And Nico is just staring at Will like he has three heads for the whole conversation

So Will teaches Nico about gender and pronouns, and gender presentation vs gender identity, etc

And so Nico goes “wait so there are people like me who are also gay?”

And Will is like “I like boys and girls and everything in between so yeah”

And the whole enby thing doesn’t really stick with Nico at that point he’s just like “hmm interesting, so testosterone?”

It’s just not his biggest concern, he’s just happy to know there are in fact others like him, and no he’s not crazy for not being dysphoric over his period, and that’s normal too

And he’s just like “oh so that’s top dysphoria?”

And Will is like “yeah :/”

“Oh :/”

“Mhmm :/”

Anyhow they become like good friends and they start dating sort of on accident, like they’re too close to just argue they’re friends anymore, and at some point Will just shows Nico how to give him a T shot and it’s like chill, they’re chill

Anyhow one day someone is kind of confused by Nico’s gender so they use the word “they” and it makes Nico really happy for some reason, so he goes back to Will and he’s like “tell me about this whole nobinary thing again?”

And Will is like “yes absolutely”

And Nico goes “I think I might be nonbinary can we try new pronouns?”

And so they go through all sorts of new pronouns, and Nico decides he still likes he/him but he also likes they/them and xer/xem… They likes she/her too but Nico finds it too uncomfortable sometimes because it reminds him of dysphoria

Nico decides xyr uncomfortable with using she/her but they like using female gendered terms so he does that

(Listen, I know Will saying “this is my boyfriend” was a big moment but Will calling Nico his “wife” is 10/10)

Nico’s friends are all super supportive and they do their best to learn more about gender and such things in order to better support and care for Nico

They all use different pronouns for xem and some people alternate pronouns too, but Nico knows that takes more practice

But it’s just like good and positive in Nico’s life

And he begins to play with fashion a lot and xe finds out xyr love of skirts with tights and combat boots because it’s 10/10 the best fashion

Nico also loves their big jackets and they just looks so comfy all the time everyone is like “I want to be him” and Nico grows their hair out long again, and gets his ears pierced and xe’s just a nonbinary fashion icon

They are just so cool once they figure out gender more and Nico’s just happy to play around with xyr gender and he just enjoys it

Will doesn’t play around with gender so much, he’s 100% a binary trans guy but T helped make him comfortable enough in his femininity to wear skirts a little bit on the occasion (Will in a cat maid dress 10/10), but heels and skinny jeans for some reason are still big dysphoria triggers for him so he does have some limits on what he’ll wear

Will gets top surgery when he’s like 17 because Naomi is an extremely supportive parent

So that’s how Nico meets Will’s mom and she’s like “it’s so nice to finally meet you!” and Naomi just immediately falls in love with xem and Will is like “I know they’re amazing”

And Nico is just really supportive and they sort of role reverse and Nico plays nurse while Will recovers from top surgery and they has to like brush his teeth and stuff

The experience (despite the fact that Will had an easier recovery) assures Nico in how much he wants top surgery, and he’s sad he’ll have to wait another year until he’s 18 to get it done

Anyhow Hades finds out and agrees to sign the wavers, so once Will is healed up enough to wear he can put his own clothes on and stuff, Nico decides to go through with xyrs own top surgery then too

Reyna comes to help Will take care of Nico, and Jason does too

Originally Will was supposed to help more with Nico’s care but he wasn’t able to do as much as he thought so they had to phone their friends

Eventually they both heal up really well and they’re happy to be done with that

Nico spends time debating testosterone, while Will spends time debating lower surgery

During this time Nico starts art school and Will starts medical school

Meeting more nonbinary people makes Nico feel at home and he determines that xe doesn’t want to go on testosterone but it’s still a maybe in the future

Will however decides he does want lower surgery, so Will and Lou Ellen decide to get lower surgery together as friends so they can share in the pain (Lou Ellen is a trans woman as far as I’m concerned this is canon)

Nico takes some time off to do school from home so he can help the two of them, and Naomi comes to live with them as well for a bit

Will and Nico both finish school eventually and they decide to adopt trans kids to help them out more

Anyhow, I hope you enjoy all of that anon! I'm all ideaed (idea-ed??) out and so I hope this is at least similar to what you were looking for, and this is helpful with your dysphoria somewhat <3

[neproxrezi]

Are you participating in the proposed dbd boycott to get them to do a game health update?

yeah, i wasn't sure at first caus "dont play the video game for a brief period" isn't going to work but "this company has put all its eggs in one basket and they are frankly quite neglectful of said basket, everyone stop buying anything ingame for 3 months" has me interested

more than 'fix the bugs' or anything else like that what i want to see out of the game is them being less god damn stingy with cosmetics (you should not have to pay $10 for ONE FUCKING COSMETIC) and addressing the grind. holy shit the grind in this game is so rough and it could be fixed fairly simply (i'm in favour of removing perk tiers, to cut a long post short)

hold on im gonna complain about dbd under a cut caus itll get long, i love this game so much but oh boy it has issues

it's been said a million times already but dbd's grind made more sense when there were like 4 or 5 characters per side, there are now over 20 and each new one introduces 3 perks to each side

I want to write about the grind in this game for a moment. There are 95 survivor perks in DBD. Every perk has three tiers. Some of them are great, and many are kind of pointless. Realistically, I'd bet you're only going to see about 15 of those perks in action in most of your games. However, if you unlock a perk to be taught to other survivors (which I tend to do even if I don't particularly want it, out of a mix of completionism and a 'may as well get it out of the way' kind of thing), you can't get rid of it. It's in your bloodwebs forever. 95 perks. 285 perk tiers. Let's talk about how long that takes to claim.

You buy a new character in the next chapter. You have every teachable perk unlocked. The new chapter really excited you, and you want to claim every perk on the new character (who I am going to name... Doug), so you saved a lot of bloodpoints in advance. In fact, you played for days and days and saved the cap, which is a million bloodpoints. You buy Doug, after much excited testing him out in the PTB. You spend all million points on Doug. Doug is now about level 35 to 40, out of 50. Hm. Well, time to keep playing. The bloodwebs kind of gave you a bunch of crap stuff on Doug, and you don't feel like running Power Struggle, Ace in the Hole, Babysitter and Breakdown, so you can't play Doug yet. You go play someone else.

Solo queuing as survivor is a mixed bag, and your games range from getting 10,000 bloodpoints (pretty rough game where everyone got wiped) to 27,000 (a great match, maybe with a bloodpoint offering). You save enough to get Doug to level 50. In the later levels, you start being able to get two perks a level instead of one. Let's say from level 1 to 50, you collect a total of 65 perks, because I don't remember exactly when it starts offering 2 per level. Okay, there are 220 perk levels left. Because of the game's propensity for giving you the same perk over and over to get you lots of perks at level 2 out of 3, of those 65 perk tiers you've probably got something like 20 to 25 actual perks. You're missing like, 70. Best case scenario, the ones you picked up include a lot of what you want. Most likely, you've got like half a good build and some gimmicky crap to slot in alongside it. Worst case scenario, which has happened to me plenty of times, you have like maybe one good perk and a pile of gimmicky crap. So. How long is it going to take you to get what you want?

There are 220 perk levels to go. After level 50, the webs are all the same size. It costs about 50,000 points to level up, and you get two perk levels per bloodweb. That's going to be 110 webs to get everything for Doug. Which is 5.5 million bloodpoints. Oh no. How many points were you earning per game again?

If you play with friends, you're probably going to do better. I find this to be true even if me and my friends are playing without voice comms or anything, because I just sort of know these people a bit better. I know my friend who mains Lisa Garland is a hook-diving bastard, so I don't need to go rescue anyone. Ace, god bless him, makes batshit altruistic plays, so I certainly don't need to go protect my teammates when he's out there doing things like this. I think I'm just going to sit on generators in the distance, think about our final gen spread, and try get us out of here. I'd say if I'm playing well, and accounting for offerings and WGLF stacks, with friends I average 30,000 a match and by myself I average 20,000. Playing killer I average more like 60,000, but playing killer is a bit stressful sometimes and I'm very indecisive about actually queuing up for it, so I probably actually get bp faster as survivor. I'm going to call the average per match across everything 25,000, because for every good game there are plenty where you underperform, or things just go drastically wrong. To earn 5.5 million points like that, you're going to have to play 220 matches. A game, including queue times and whatnot, can take ten to twenty minutes. That's... that's going to take a while. And that's ONE CHARACTER.

Now, on the survivor side you only really need to do this once. They're all just reskins of the same gameplay loop. On the killer side, you need to re-earn those perks for every new character you want to try out, because they're all different. Miiiiillions and millions of points. Hundreds of games. I have no problem with the game having a grind, but at this point it's absolute insanity.

In my opinion, removing perk tiers would cut the grind down to a reasonable level. There'd still be a grind, which I'm completely comfortable with existing, but it wouldn't be excruciatingly long, and you wouldn't have to spend as long dealing with bad perks.

HOWEVER, on top of that is the fact that they just. Holy shit the game updates slowly. I don't want to blame them for that in a way of like "these developers are incompetent and lazy", I really do love DBD to bits and I'm sure they do work very hard on it. That said, its update cycle is really slow. Reeaally slow. I wish they either had a bigger team, made balance updates faster (a handful of perk adjustments once every six weeks is... very very slow) or something to just try make the changes faster. Even when things do change it always feels so anxious and tentative, I wish they'd experiment more often. The time they disabled bloodlust to see what happened was really cool!

Yeah in short I just hope the grind gets addressed more than anything else, caus that's the part I actually think there's a relatively straightforward solution to. Also, I never got to play the older events where you could do shit like earn cosmetics, but they sounded way fucking cooler than the new ones. The halloween one last year was absolute shit, it's weird that their special events would get worse over time rather than better.

Buuut I agree with Scott Jund that the Resident Evil chapter was bad news for DBD's long term health because the one thing that would really give BHVR a kick up the ass is competition, and every time they land an amazing licensed chapter they become harder to compete with. They have an absolute monopoly on asymmetrical horror, and I honestly think the game would be in a better state right now if they had some competition >:[