#and wwx had regrets but his actions mattered and he saved lives and he came out of it with his principles intact

[llycaons]

man...it's gotta suck to be jc

[stiltonbasket]

Since wwx does die in the soulmate au, could we maybe see your take on the snow scene?

After Lan Xichen bids them farewell and heads back up the hill to the hanshi, Wei Wuxian takes his jar of Emperor’s Smile and seats himself on the porch, trying to come to terms with the day’s revelations as Lan Zhan goes back inside to play his guqin.

Since his return to the world of the living, Wei Wuxian’s nightmares have often dragged him back to that day at Qiongqi Dao. He will never forget the shock of seeing Jin Zixun and his men crest the edge of the cliff above him, or Lan Xichen’s fury when he spotted the twenty Lan cultivators with them. Nor will he forget that palest, faintest melody playing behind his, and how Wen Ning’s eyes went white and wild like a beast’s before he cracked Lan Xichen’s skull against the crumbling stone of the quarry and thrust a blade wrested from one of the Jin guards through Lan Zhan’s chest. And then Jin Zixuan was dead, and it happened so quickly that Wei Wuxian could scarcely comprehend what was going on: and by then, Lan Zhan was lifting his head to croak Wen Ning, take him away from here, don’t let them take Wei Ying--

Wei Wuxian died at the Nightless City believing that Lan Zhan and Lan Xichen were both either dying or dead, and that the family he rebuilt in the Burial Mounds had been murdered for his own crimes.

He could scarcely even bring himself to fight back before Jiang Yanli came running onto the battlefield, and threw herself in the path of a sword he had not cared to parry.

Jin Guangyao, he thinks hysterically, slopping half his wine down the front of his robes as he closes one shaking hand around his borrowed jade pass. If you were behind all this--if all these murders were yours, and even your own sworn brother’s didi--!

“Wei Ying?”

He turns around and forces a smile onto his face, toasting Lan Zhan with the jar of tianzi xiao. “Lan Zhan,” he greets. “It’s cold out here, isn’t it? You should go back inside.”

“My cultivation is higher,” his friend observes: once friend, and then zhiji, and ever so briefly his betrothed, before Wei Wuxian destroyed his yinhufu and let the backlash rip him to pieces. “You will fall ill. Come here.”

Lan Zhan unclasps his heavy outer robe and lays it over Wei Wuxian’s shoulders, and then he wraps his arms around Wei Wuxian’s waist like he used to do in the Burial Mounds, when they went to bed together with A-Yuan in their  arms and kissed each other to sleep, night after blissful night until the haven they built was ultimately stolen away from them.

“I remember hearing that second flute,” Lan Zhan says, pressing a kiss to his head. “When Wen Ning struck Xiongzhang down, the melody was almost identical to yours, but I still caught it. And when he turned upon me, I could never mistake that dizi for your Chenqing.”

Wei Wuxian nods. “That couldn’t have been Jin Guangyao, though,” he says dismally. “He would never have raised a hand against Zewu-jun. We’re still no closer to finding out who cursed Jin Zixun, or who played the second dizi in Qishan, or whom that ghost-faced man was.”

“Jin Guangyao has many allies, but I know of none he would trust to help conceal the murder of a fellow sect leader,” Lan Zhan agrees, with a slight frown between his eyes. “Perhaps we can ask Xiongzhang to draw up a list tomorrow.”

At the mention of Zewu-jun, Wei Wuxian straightens up. “That reminds me--how did your brother know that arm was Chifeng-zun’s? Is it because they were soulmates?”

Lan Zhan shakes his head. “He knew when you told him that it did not harm the juniors at Mo Manor, or even attempt to. After witnessing what it was capable of doing in the Mingshi, to the elders and to me, he had no reason to doubt who it was, or why it would spare the children and not the others of the Mo family.”

“Ah? Why’s that, then?”

“Fierce corpses can sense their own blood,” his friend reminds him, with a quiet sigh. “The arm did not move against the juniors because Jingyi and Sizhui were standing in front of them. And Jingyi was not present in the mingshi when we tried Evocation, so it had no reason to restrain itself.”

Wei Wuxian gapes at him.

“Chifeng-zun had a son?” he hisses, scandalized. “But everyone knew he was in love with your brother, so how could he have betrayed Zewu-jun and--”

“He did not,” Lan Zhan chides gently. “To Jingyi, I am shufu in private, though he calls me Hanguang-jun in company. But he was born far too late to ever meet his father.”

“Does he know?”

“En, he does. But it is widely believed that Jingyi was born after some secret marriage to a lady, or a dalliance, much like the rumors we put about regarding A-Yuan,” Lan Zhan’s fists clench a little. “The truth would have seemed too far-fetched to those who do not know Brother’s cultivation path, so he has never spoken on the matter save to acknowledge Jingyi as his.”

“What about Jin Guangyao?”

“He visited often during those six months after Chifeng-zun died,” his friend says bitterly, loosening his hold on Wei Wuxian as he stares into the snowy garden. “He knows the truth about my nephew’s birth well enough."

“You said Zewu-jun was more willing to believe us than you expected, Lan Zhan. About Lianfang-zun, I mean.”

Lan Zhan’s hair is half-white with snowflakes by now, so he stands still and lets Wei Wuxian sweep the snow away before he speaks again.

“It was all too strange,” he offers. “You remember that one of Jin Zixun’s men shot at us right when we entered the valley, but he fumbled his shot and struck my brother instead of me or you. When I woke up back in the Cloud Recesses, Chifeng-zun was raging about the Jin arrowhead the healers pulled out of Xiongzhang’s chest, and he would not answer the summons to the assembly at Nightless City--and more than that, he swore that any Lan cultivator who decided to go would meet a swift end upon Baxia, so neither the Nie nor the Lan took part in the siege at all. But even so, when there was undeniable proof that Jin Zixun’s actions had nearly brought about the death of the Lan sect leader and heir, the Jins called a rally against you, and brought all their vassal clans to Qishan so they could make war upon the Burial Mounds.”

“And then Jin Guangyao went anyway after I was dead,” Wei Wuxian sighs, rubbing his temples in a vain effort to brush away his growing headache. “And you were beaten for injuring the elders who tried to get you to surrender to him.”

His zhiji inclines his head. “Xiongzhang and Jin Guangyao are sworn brothers, but their bond does not go so deep as that. All Brother knew was that he honored my request to escort you to Lanling and came to accompany me, and that you had not ordered Wen Ning to attack us--and then, when he regained consciousness from his head wound, he found me lying beside him with my back torn to shreds and A-Yuan in my arms, and heard that the Wens had all been slaughtered. He has never trusted the Jin sect since, even if he did not suspect Lianfang-zun himself.”

They stand there together for a little while longer, reliving the sheer horror of that day--remembering Jin Zixuan dead at their feet, and Lan Xichen’s crumpled body painting the ground crimson with the blood pouring from his head, before Wen Ning picked up a golden jian and charged towards Lan Zhan.

“If I ever find the man who was playing the dizi at Qiongqi,” Wei Wuxian whispers at last, “I will not let him live long enough to regret it.”

Lan Zhan inclines his head and leads Wei Wuxian back into the jingshi.

“I know,” he says, as the doors slide shut behind them. “Neither will I.”

[lanzhanhoe]

Hugs

Summary: 

Lan Wangji was not used to skinship, or any touching at all, he grew up without it, and knew he did not need it at all. But Wei Ying crushed into his life, and now there was nothing he wanted more than to have him close.

———

Lan Wangji was not used to skinship, or any touching at all.

When he was a child, only his mother would openly show affection towards him, giving him soft caresses in his head or cheeks, sometimes she would even hug him, but when she was gone, no one tried to get close to him, sometimes his brother tried, but he was just as inexperienced as him in the skinship area, so, since his mother’s absence, Lan Wangji would not receive any kind of loving caress or warm hug at all.

But do not take it wrong, Lan Wangji never complained or resented his family for being distant in that way, he was used to it, and he was just like that too. Since his mother left him being so young, little Lan Zhan never really knew where was the meaning of expressing love for other people so… invasively, it was exposing and vulnerable. Lan Wangji didn’t like being exposed or vulnerable, even though deep inside he wanted to be able to just be with someone.

Lan Zhan thought that way for a long time, until he met Wei Ying. He was a shameless, loud and a really touchy person, someone who exasperated Lan Wangji terrybly, he got in his nerves. Lan Zhan always saw him with an arm wrapped around some of his friends’ shoulders, or talking to his brother with their bodies really close, smiling so openly to anyone, not to mention the great ability he possessed to make friends in no time, gaining their trust easily.

Wei Ying was the only one who did not hesitate to initiate physical contact with him, and would not back away nor be discouraged by Lan Zhan’s constant and harsh rejection, he just laughed, as if fond of Lan Zhan’s behaviour.

It annoyed him at first, Wei Ying was just so invasive, it overwhelmed him, no one dared to treat him like that, of course it was a trap! He would never let this rule breaker do as he pleased, as if his overly friendly demeanor would make Lan Zhan make his punishment last less.

Soon after, he understood that Wei Ying was touchy because that’s how he was taught to show his love and care. Lan Wangji always thought there were ulterior motives, it was hard for him to understand that Wei Ying was like that with him because he wanted to be his friend, because no one tried to get close to him before, how could he know?

But still, Lan Wangji knew he rejected Wei Ying too harshly, pushed him away too fast and vehemently. Now the young demonic cultivator thought he hated him, and refused to accept his help. It hurt his heart so deeply, and made him regret his own actions so much. Now that Wei Ying was walking alone in his own path, so far away from Lan Zhan, there was nothing he could do to help him, and that was his own fault.

Lan Wangji refused to give up on him, though. He knew that, no matter what, Wei Ying was not a bad person, and he was being unfairly judged by the cultivation world. He was going to fight for the Yiling Patriarch, and would do anything in his power to protect him, because he was special to him, his happiness and protection meant the world to Lan Wangji, and- Oh, he fell in love with Wei Ying.

But deep inside, Lan Wangji knew there was no use. Wei Wuxian was slowly slipping away, all that resentful energy hurting him from inside out, almost no rational thought was inside Wei Wuxian’s mind. Lan Zhan wanted Wei Ying to stay so badly, wanted to save him no matter what, but he also knew deep inside that Wei Ying wanted nothing to do with living in this world full of hatred towards him.

Lan Wangji knew he had to, but he refused to let go completely, to stop waiting. Why did people he cared about always left him?

Wei Wuxian was dead, he knew that. Lan Wangji was severely punished for what he did, but did not regret any decision he made, because he followed his heart for the first time. And no matter how injured he was, every night he would play Inquiry, hoping to get an answer, any signal, just something, please, I miss you so much.

He wanted to know how Wei Ying was, if he was in peace, to tell him that he saved A-Yuan, that all he did was worth it because he survived, he wanted tell him he loved him so much his heart hurts, and he missed him so much he felt like dying as another day passed without him in this world, that he tried to help and failed and he was so sorry. But no matter how much Lan Zhan tried, there was no answer.

And that, sometimes, made him want to go back to the past and accept all that shameless advances of Wei Ying, to be his friend and protect him, maybe save him from taking that path, to just be there and help. But that was just impossible.

(But that did not stop him from imagining them both, young and happy, in The Cloud Recesses, Lan Wangji being the one Wei Ying would hug and whisper to, being the one who he smiled at, protected by the endless bliss of youth and love. Because Lan Wangji wanted, more than anything, an opportunity to love Wei Ying the way he desired.)

And so time passed. And Wei Ying came back.

At first Lan Wangji could not believe it. But he heard their song come from that flute, although it sounded awful, he recognised it. That was his Wei Ying. Lan Zhan wanted to just pull his arm and give him the biggest and longest hug, to caress his face tenderly, to laugh and cry and shout because the love of his life came back. 

It surprised him how much he was feeling, and how little he could show in his face.

But no matter how much his heart desired, Lan Wangji knew he had to wait, because Wei Wuxian came back for a reason, and he promised himself in that moment, that now he wouldn’t let anyone hurt Wei Ying, no matter what, he refused to make the same mistakes.

He came back, and Lan Wangji was going to make sure he stayed.

[Part 2]

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idk there’s nothing better than a touch starved lwj wanting wwx’s love, i just love to make lwj suffer just to give him what he wants after hehehe. i promise ill update the part two in a few days!!