#and working from life is also Essential
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Heeyyy, Elvis! So... I have a question: when did your passion for art begin? When did you start drawing and writing too? āØ
Oh hey there! I hope your cold is clearing up!
I've always loved drawing, but I didn't start to get serious about learning art until I got that How to Draw Manga book from Scholastic when I was, like, 8:
^^^^ A revelation for so many kids....
Everything kinda grew from there. I didn't take any actual art classes until high school, and it was only a couple workshops at a community art center. I'm very much self-taught overall, but I also work as a figure model sometimes and I get to learn some tips and stuff while I'm posing for classes. Very nifty. I highly recommend sitting for a portrait class at some point; you can learn a lot! And it's fun :)
For writing, I think I wrote my first "fic" when I was 9 or 10. It was Redwall fanfic and I turned it in for homework š
but I wrote a lot of fic for myself for a long time and it took me a while before I got brave enough to post anything online.
Thank you so much for the ask! I look forward to seeing your own art journey progressing, too!
#ask#amandiccastuff#queso*about#fr tho i learn so much from posing for classes it's unreal#and working from life is also Essential#i try to attend open draw session with a live model whenever i can#i love me some conte crayon
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Mobius + being the only one to notice
#mobius#loki#lokius#mcuedit#lokiedit#marveledit#loki spoilers#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#the INSTANT 'you okay?' from mobius when loki timeslipped back the very first time šš#he saw he noticed he asks he CARES#the only one who does#literally became his glorious purpose and now it's the only thing in this world he can't do oh i'm DISTRAUGHT#(and also working 'what the shit are you doing' into my life as an essential but that's beside the point)#anyway. back to giffing and crying lol#loki s2 spoilers#marvel#owenwilsonedit#dianagifs
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I SAID I WAS GOING TO DRAW THAT CAR SO HERE WE ARE (I hope you enjoy this is the stupidest thing I've drawn in months /affectionate)
(I put the image descriptions in the Alt text this time because there's so many images. If it doesn't work please tell me and I'll yeet them in the actual post!!)
happy finale of Wild Life everybody! :D
#would you believe me if I told you that I had to come up with designs for everybody on the spot#cuz I've never actually drawn these guys before#the life series versions anyways#also yes gem is coming with joel#they're a family! you can't separate them!#I imagine it's a bit of a situation like gem is dropping joel off at daycare#even though joel's driving#I hope all the text is readable#I had to sacrifice a bit of visual flair for readability and contrast so I hope it worked well#also the idea of Grian's body being essentially a empty-eyed meat suit/puppet thing#while the actual Grian emotes with the giant floating eye thing is really funny to me#partially taken inspiration from mambodork's buttercups homeowners association au lol#I also really like this pearl design#I don't know why but her expressions are so fun to me#I tried putting some easter eggs in this despite not knowing a lot of life series lore#for example in cleo's winner's portrait they're being puppeted by another cleo wearing vr glasses! :D#idk I thought it was cool#there's a few more easter eggs/references in here feel free to go look for them#can't reveal all my secrets at once >:3#anyways yeah this brings me an inordinate amount of joy#...frick I forgot my tags#uhhh#whiteboardartstudios#original post#I guess#my art#?#life series#trafficsmp#traffic smp
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itās cool and all that we got more maps added to Just Dance+, but WHERE ARE TRAVELER & SIāHA NOVAāS MAPS ššššššš
#just dance#just dance the traveler#just dance traveler#just dance siāha nova#just dance rock your body#just dance levitating#just dance save your tears#UBISOFT PLEASE IāM BEGGING YOU PLSPLSPLSPLSPLSPLS ADD THEIR MAPS TO JD+ IM BEGGING ššš#ITāS LITERALLY BEEN YEARS SINCE JD+ STARTED HOW HAVE YOU STILL NOT ADDED WHATRE ESSENTIALLY THE DIRECT PREQUEL MAPS TO THE STORY šš#THEY LITERALLY SHOW HOW THE PROTAGONIST CAME TO BE šš#it canāt be that hard as far as licensing is concerned bc youāve literally recently had songs from#Justin Timberlake & Dua Lipa & The Weeknd & Arianna Grande especially in maps as of recent years#so whatās the hold up omg šš pls omg Iām so desperate to play their maps#i refuse to get JD2022 just to play 3 maps#also on the basis of principle bc I feel like theyāre doing this on purpose so that more people will buy JD22 just to see the lore šš#I refuse to give in bc then thatād tell Ubisoft that what theyāre doing by delaying their maps in JD+ is working & I Donāt want that šš#UBISOFT!!! ADD TRAVELER & SIāHA NOVAāS MAPS TO JD+ AND MY LIFE IS YOURS!!!!!
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thereās aĀ question to be askedĀ i think about to what extentĀ āgetting outā can be conflated withĀ ābeing savedā in this show, and what freedom actually means to any of these characters.
like you can argue that shiv saved ken by voting against him on gojo, but what if your intent behind saving someone is to inflict a worse punishment than if youād just left them trapped?Ā can a child weaned on poison survive on milk, or are you just sentencing them to a death by inches, starved of the only thing they know? and if you save someone specifically because you know that being saved is the worst thing that can happen to them, is that kindness or cruelty?Ā at what point does a good thing become a malicious act?
and you can say that roman is finally free, but what exactly is he free from?Ā the company?Ā his father?Ā does unlocking a cage mean saving a dog, or are you allowing him out on the street knowing thereās a kill shelter nearby?Ā if the driving anxiety behind roman is that heās an idiot and a failureāthat heāllĀ never amount to anything, and trying will only lead to paināand heās finally cut loose once all of those anxieties haveĀ crystallized into cold hard fact in his mind, what has he actually escaped from?Ā if the cage is in your mind, is it even possible for somebody else to unlock it?
the fundamental truth of a tragedy is that even being saved can be a death sentence, if the characters are incapable of escaping the thing doing them the most harm (themselves and their childhoods)
#'what about shiv' if i think about shiv i'm going to kill myself. she needs her own post. there's too much there to get into.#anyways seeing a tremendous amount of At Least Roman Is Free <3 tags that have me going. right. for sure. free from what?#because it's certainly not the intense amount of self disgust that has driven him in circles this entire time.#i fear he may feel the weight of alienation on his soul for the rest of his life. and he won't even try to alleviate it anymore.#and ALSO the idea that shiv went out of her way to save kendall as an act of like. altruism. like it was a sacrifice on her part#which i feel is a very toothless perspective on shiv and the psychological torment that's been weighing on her essentially since birth#like her choice in regards to gojo is one of the meatiest most harrowing bits of character work i've ever seen#and while of course there was love inside that action (because nothing these characters do is entirely divorced from love)#i don't think it was necessarily a kind or forgiving or sacrificial love#like this was an intense vitriolic snapping from a dog that has been kicked by her dad all her life.#and who absolutely refuses to accept that from her brother (because that would mean acknowledging that kendall takes the mantle of Dad-#and that she's subservient to him. which is the one thing she absolutely will never do#because it's a level of degradation that's finally a step too far)#anyways. um. insane season that i still can't look at directly or i'll perish on the spot.#succession
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i think i officially set my sights on a therapist and i'll be contacting her very soon?? therapy was legitimately not on my 2024 bingo card (or in the cards for me at all) but here we are????
#this blog always had a focus on social science and detangling feelings and experiences. like it's basically been serving as my diary#bc this blog has always been my main outlet for it. i hate talking feelings to anyone irl. it's a bad habit but i hate it#so it was a game changer and helped me grow up sooo much. esp supplemented w other people's experiences.#being raised by a stoic engineer mother who's very much warm but also not very good at feelings at times has caused me to suppress SO much#compounded w being the eldest daughter. like that is a damning sentence in and of itself#tumblr just gave me an outlet for stuff like this. and every social media is essentially a highlight reel of ppl's best moments.#tumblr is the opposite. i've always loved that too whether it was in the form of humor or more earnest posts#could i work through my own issues by myself? yes probably#and my blog will always have that facet even if i get a therapist#but a therapist's input. just a professional's input. will expedite a lot of improvement for me i think#this has been a critical time period for me anyway bc i'm budgeting my whole schedule for once vs being handheld by uni deadlines#and it's just gonna keep getting more and more intense from here bc i'm truly pushing my comfort zone more than ever before#it just feels like the right call even tho i'm lowkey nervous ab it bc i HATE talking feelings in person.#this therapist will not fall for my trying to deflect by asking her about her life. which. usually works on my friends <3#we will see. a therapy arc is coming very soon basically#p
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in the years ive been off tumblr ive done a lot of traditional work so here's one of my favorites <3 it's titled "the epilogue"
oil painting & stitching on canvas, february 2024 (words by me!)
#click for better quality idk why tumblr did that to me#nart#art#this was probably the piece i was most proud of from my exhibition#mostly bc i had literally no time to make it and still managed to hand stitch all of it#hand stitching#oil painting#i might share my other oil paintings bc i usually work on a much larger scale and theyre my babies#the theme of this one is that after becoming an adult life doesnt end essentially#my entire exhibition was focused on how growing up feels like a 'narrative' because i have autism#and see life through narratives or people through story archetypes which isnt entirely healthy#and how by growing up i have to grow out of those understandings of the world bc life is more complicated than tv tropes#i also found the stitching super fun so yeah i just enjoy this one
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By implying that children are too stupid and rude to learn about the world and learn how the world works and how to interact with others, you are casting responsibility away from the people who are responsible for that child's upbringing and placing the blame on the children (who don't have the autonomy given to them to be allowed to decide what they want) who can't help what they do and do not learn, often.
If the children aren't okay, then investigate why before turning to thought-terminating clichƩs of, "Well, the kids are just stupid and dumb and aren't even worth the effort because they're lazy!"
#youth liberation#i was really bothered when i saw this clip where this person was saying almost verbatim that...#...'kids [these days] are too STUPID and they're teachers are scared!'...#...why is the blame placed on the kids who have no control over school curriculum and what their home life is like or if they have money...#...it's because when you place the blame on the people with no power or control you don't have the responsibility to change circumstances..#...you essentially keep the status quo while simultaneously belittling a group of vulnerable people...#...and thus you feed into the cyclical nature of the broken education system#the kids these days AREN'T okay but it ISN'T THEIR FAULT...#...it's the fault of late-stage capitalism and poorly-funded education and a world that wasn't even built with them in mind...#...they had NO PART in the creation of the world which is hostile to their entire existence#don't mind the incorrect usage of their in the second tag i was so focused on how pissed i was#also remember how a good chunk of these kids lived through *checks notes* the fucking PANDEMIC LOCKDOWN#which was a clown show in terms of supporting kids and their parent/s#some places handled lockdown in the US better than others but holy fuck in my area at least it was a nightmare#what do you expect from parents who are now working full-time and teaching part/full-time and parenting full-time?#what support exactly are you expecting they recieved? because you'll likely find they got either a little or NONE#hilarious that i used the wrong their in a post subtweeting about education LOL#look i was focused on how PISSED i was lol cut me some slack here
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deeply enjoy that the novel can also be read as a commentary on the fallacy of information. we have zzs as the main narrator who adds to this nuance by being a former spymaster and leader of a bunch of proficient investigators. hes very intimate with the process of verification of information, and even his vast databank of knowledge and his abilities of filtering and sorting the "true" from the "fake" is tested throughout the novel through many instances and events. its especially interesting because he makes a major mistake, almost from the very start, that he resolves only after a very long time, and only after overcoming personal weaknesses. his personal weakness at recognizing truth vs decept reveals itself in the inability to meet personal events with a human perspective; he is basically functioning like a person with two lives, and most of the time, he at least acts as if he is regarding wkx, suspected master of ghosts, from the professional business grounds of the retired leader of shadows rather than from the perspective of a person with an adventurous life and wishes of his own. in this lies the danger to misinterpret and to refuse to confront what is truly going on. if zzs cant 'find' the "true reason" for the ghost master following his humble retired self, he is going to do his utmost to make up one (on the basis of his personal and professional experience with such situations), instead of considering at least once the admittedly unlikely chance that wkx might like him and is even deeply sincere about him. this doesnt signal anything less but that we, as the reader, should not irrevocably trust even the one person who is in most stories the most trustworthy; the main narrator. instead, we are advised to reserve us the right to doubt and think for ourself, to look critically upon even zzs, which only circles back to the novel's theme of the fallacy of information. it even lends to the novel's dialogue with the human right to form your own opinion and your own thoughts and come to your own conclusions, no matter how much they might diverge from norm or mainstream or traditions, and no matter how tempting it might be not to.
#tian ya ke#just thoughts im having while im continuing my reread#zhou zishu from tyk#zhou zishu#this has me wondering if zzs's struggle with himself regarding trusting in wkx's display of sincerity#can also be read as his general struggle with being a person with a life of his own and private opinions in service of no other than himsel#one of the things he learns is that is okay to have desires and its okay to Be a person#oftentimes that reveals itself in the novel's question of morality as a concept and the conditions for receiving love and care#'are villains and ppl whove done bad stuff deserving of love and care? do they need to earn it?'#but i think it also comes true here where zzs essentially needs to find a way to be human again#going from having lived a life with a truly atrocious work/life balance to a life that is fully and entirely his own#(i always think that zzs taking the nails has a lot to do with reclaiming ownership)#(and also with 'detoolifying' himself; hes turning himself into a cripple he is 'useless'. this gives him the justification#he needs to live according to his own personal whims and desires.)#updating my tags to find my insane chat with geneticcatalyst again->#bouncing thoughts back and forth#the mutual tag#geneticcatalyst
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agatha wields affection like a weapon. that's it that's the post.
#ooc.#like i think a lot about how the only time we see her say 'my love' is when she is bartering for her son's life#the most desperate she's ever been for anything#do i think she loved rio? yes. do i also think that was her scrambling to REMIND rio of that love and that it was reciprocal? yes.#'i will hate you forever' she promises and when that doesn't work she turns to using their bond against rio from another angle#anything. anything. she will do ANYTHING.#i think about how she weaponises closeness; skin; these vulnerabilities that are common to intimate relationships#the sound booth comes to mind#when she wants rio to focus on her and think about the connection they have/had she uses affection to achieve that#this applies to wanda also but im already unhinged enough on this single axis LOL#I HAD ANOTHER POINT AND FORGOT:#this is why gentle touch without ulterior motive is such a shock to her system#a reset button essentially like it's impossible for her to cope with because it's so not how she approaches it at all
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#gonna ramble about irl here so people don't have to read it unless they want to#so because I got covid and couldnāt leave my bed I've essentially lost my job#I've told my manager I'm okay to go back to work#even if my body is still sore#but she's only given me a 3 hour shift a week#and you guessed it!#it's the late shift#the one where it takes me almost 2 hours to get home from#she's being so petty with me#and I am so behind in rent#I've applied for government assistance and I have a meeting with them tomorrow#I really hope they can help because I feel awful#I'm also annoyed at myself because I can't find my knee brace ANYWHERE#I thought I could find one for around $10 but nope!#the closest stores selling them are like $25+ so that's fun#I don't know when I'll be able to draw again#I'm so stressed again about money and secueing work#hopefully once I can get govt assistance at least I can enjoy life again#also I tried to ask the zine that still owes me money if they could finally send payment but they still keep delaying it with excuses#I'm so desperate it's shameful
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YāALL MY MAY COULD NOT!!!!!!!! BE GETTING ANYYYYYY BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#screaming rocking crying pullngf my hair out oh MY god#context if anybody would care to know : the man who hit me and took my car out is apparently uninsured??? so CKSKDK#so now i have to pay for the deductible on my insurance to take care of everything else and i would normally have it in my savings#but i just got back from a two week vacation and essentially blew through all my money and i donāt know how to get the deductible:D#um. also?? being out of work sucks?? and i go back tomorrow but i feel like everything in my life is just HYYYYY#one step forward eight steps back#i swear to god. the tiniest sign that life might be getting better and then my life explodes the DAY after. iām so over this#chelsea speaks
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i don't want to put my uninformed foot in my mouth or get involved with the Discourse but i've been seeing the two extremes of reactions to the korean low birth rates issue (on tumblr and twitter both) and i'm just kind of like. look. i feel like "low birth rates (in many countries but especially japan and korea as part of this conversation) are more broadly the result of capitalism/a culture of overwhelming overwork that makes social relationships and having families incredibly inaccessible to young people" and "low birth rates are very much a part of the current conversation about misogyny and social expectations for women in korea especially in the context of reproduction as 'unpaid labor' for women" are statements that can both be true
#laughs awkwardly#gender#especially considering the ways patriarchal expectations and capitalism very much intersect in terms of quality of life for women#ex. women being expected to have kids / raise kids / do all the housework and cooking in a relationship#while ALSO existing in a society where women (even married women) have to work demanding jobs to deal with the high cost of living#AND women are systemically discriminated against in terms of pay / job availability / work environment and harassment#all of these things add up. these conversations are not opposing points of view. you know?#and also like. not super comfortable with how TERFs are discussed in terms of non-white cultures#TERFism / radfems as a MOVEMENT (and a cult) is very much rooted in white supremacy / ideals of womanhood#again. multiple things can be true at the same time. yes i do see (from my perspective involved in taiwanese social media)#some east asian feminists engage in transphobia in ways that approach radfem rhetoric ('women are victims of men' 'men are predators'#type generalized sentiments which you can imagine gains a lot of traction among women traumatized by patriarchy)#but movement-wise i don't think it's fair (or just in good faith) to generalize radical feminists from non-white countries#to straight up TERFs. which again. rooted in white supremacy. keep feeling like i have to remind people it doesn't make sense#for asians to be white supremacists and that not all oppression on earth stems directly from white people. you weirdos#'what are you talking about' in east asia the type of feminist statements called 'radical' are stuff like.#women shouldn't have to wear make up every time they go outside. women shouldn't be expected to do all housework.#should men pay for women on dates. debates that i think in the states we kind of take for granted as stuff settled years ago#even if some feminists might be transphobic it's not necessarily Transphobia As Core Tenets Of The Movement. does anyone get the difference#basically what i'm saying is. wow these tags got long. maybe let's not apply uniform standards of 'correct language and values'#to non-white people and attack them when as all movements they are fluid and influenced by the people living in it#TERF-style transphobia is not the predestined course for them. maybe it's more productive to have open discussions about transphobia#to work towards inclusivity and solidarity in these movements than to prescribe White Internet Morality to them#and declare that they're evil when they are still very much having conversations that need to be had. thanks i think that's all#essentially. i find that 'how dare a non-american movement not have morally pristine vocabulary priorities and membership#as determined by white leftists' to be in itself kinda a racist attitude
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So I know we get that load screen that talks about Hazel living a few years longer than projected (if you're a good bean and get the stuff for Agrippa uwu) but she's still sick in general and in hospice care by the time Daniel leaves for Algeria.
What do we think the odds are Daniel relapses into his old ways and winds up using vitae to help 'cure' her? š„²š„²š„²
#amnesia the dark descent#daniel of mayfair#hazel amnesia#i need to think about this more i have thoughts swirling around about how this could work but#i am feeling very sick tonight and can't formulate amything right š¤£#but i can def see danny re-justifying to himself why doing it for hazel is ok#especially if he's ONLY using 'bad' people now#in fact it's almost like making up for the life of elise! right?? right??? š
#could also explain further why mandus is SO knowledgeable about vitae if his potential great uncle in daniel#was doing experiments of his own to help hazel rip#essentially i'm picturing a nathan and shilo from repo! kind of vibe here š
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I feel like if one wants ā and is trying to give themself ā a mental disorder by using the label of ātransid,ā then they are probably already disordered in some other way that they are in denial of; because itās more stigmatized, or āless interestingā than the neurotype theyāve chosen to mimicā¦ which is sad because theyāre masking in two different directions at that point: one to hide their illness, the other to create an illnessā¦ which will lead to more illness. Bleak, to be honest.
#I kind of used to be like that as a kid. I claimed to have āmultiple personalitiesā when I didnātā¦#my brain just attaches characters to thoughts as a form of organization; and at that time the different concepts were āwarringā#(AKA: I was trying to make logical sense of information when I had zero critical thinking skills because I was raised in a cult)#And I knew I didnāt really have different personalities deep down; but my sense of self was so fractured#that I wanted the different pieces to be different people so I could make the need to think about my issues go away#I simply wanted one āpersonalityā to kill the others so I would imagine long bloody battles between my āselvesā in my head#to exorcise my mind of impure thoughts (which never worked because they werenāt real people#and I couldnāt kill them because the people I created symbolized concepts and desires on which my brain perseverated every waking moment)#I was trying to kill off parts of myself to attain everlasting life on a paradise earth; so I could build a real Data and android children#in Paradise#so if I died in Armageddon from bad behavior (watching Markiplier and having fun times in the shower) Iād be killing them too#And the only other kid I saw who claimed to want a disorder (āwantedā to have OCD) wanted it because they wanted to be like a character#and they were later diagnosed with ā you guessed it ā autism!#Also both of us had an astonishing amount of free time on the internet and were raised essentially as only children in a cult#So I think a lot of it is isolation and just not knowing who you are because you never see yourself react to anything in real life#You donāt know what you would do in situations and therefore have no sense of self from total lack of life experience#And I actually had OCD for awhile as wellā¦ I kicked it for the most part. But the whole rumination battle thing was certainly a sign
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thalia is so growing on me i love my rich woman who has Problems.. i gave her ice powers for like. the elsa vibes.
#but im like damn... gale...karlach....stay away from her... or else ur gonna explode in the end....#really a coin toss between those two and im gonna be sad at the end but that's the thalia experience šš#also i dont think she's gonna save the tieflings... not bc she's evil but she generally doesn't care... and curing the tadpole is her utmos#priority. like she's already stressed with her chaotic magic killing her if she loses 50/50 now you have to add brain worms on top of that?#funny that shri'iia does more heroic deeds and she's like. the evil aligned chara#but thalia is generally very cold in a sense that she's always looking at the bigger picture and she's willing to sacrifice/disregard#who gets caught in the crossfire.. like that's just another responsibility she has to bear for Her. and she's very the type to sacrifice he#own happiness for her Duty vibe. like i think she's just learned how to be content with whatever she's left with.#also she's her father's heir bc she's the only child to her father's First Wife. and thalia get step siblings along the way but i think tha#grief of losing her mother / becoming an adult/handling adult affairs quickly made her jaded on a lot of stuff#and she feels like it's her responsibility to lead her noble house to higher pastures so her step siblings can live freely#like she's just taking all the work to herself - as the Heir. and that's what she was doing UNTIL she gets the wild magic#now suddenly she feels like she's cursed. and the fact that it's chaotic by nature and so dangerous..!! she can't stay in court or at home#over the fear of harming someone. and she's learnt that to get rid of a problem you always have to go to the root of it#hence why she's travelling around finding more info and source of the wild magic in hopes to cure herself from it#and she kind of put her life on Pause bc she believes she can't get anywhere with this curse. but its like gworl u put ur life on pause lon#before that.. anyway her end goal is that once she cures herself and she's normal again she'll prob marry some other old money heir#set up trusts for her siblings and live a quiet life. but that wont happen obvi hehe#also one of the siblings' name is melpomene... being named from the goddess of comedy thalia is kinda boring lol#essentially her story is like. she learns how to have fun. essentially. depending on how i rp her idk yet actually
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