#and woke up with yuri on the brain

[cursed-angelic-art]

Want to write a wlw relational drama about self-actualization, identity, disembodiment, control, and hypocrisy. But also it's about werewolves. I want to push the angst factor of werewolf lore to its absolute limits.

[chiquilines]

Found a new brush and i love it so much!! The togachako just happened

[applepies-and-starlight]

So I'm checking my dream/ramble journal and.

Brain, what the Fuck does this mean.

Please i Need to know tell me your secrets

[beepbeepbithc]

not fair that i had an amazing dream last night and i can’t even remember it all

[orchidyoonkook]

To What We Were Before, And All The Things After | JJK | Ch. 5

Title: Shocking Announcements and Camouflaged Explanations

Pairing: Prince!College Student!JK x Fine Arts Major!(F)!Reader

Series Rating//Genre: (M) | College AU, Mild Royalty AU, Smut, Angst, Fluff, S2F2L, Indiffernce to lovers, sloooowwww ass burn

Summary: I'm sorry the prince is dating WHO?

Warnings: PG16, swearing, drinking, pining, angsssttttttttt, Jk has a lot of feelings, and so does Reader. Yuri being Yuri. Adaline being Adaline. TOUCH of fluff.

Word Count: 6,006

Release Date: October 20, 2023, 2:00PM

A/N 1: brain mush. finally out. Thank you for understanding. Already working on 6.

Series: Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four

It’s 2:30pm on the Wednesday before fall reading week. 

Saturday’s looking so beautiful. Sunny skies and comfortable temperatures. 

It’s 2:30pm on the Wednesday before the Friday you get to see Nel for the first time since August. 

And by god you can’t wait. You’re counting the days, minutes and seconds till he’s in front of you again. 

But it’s also 2:30pm on the Wednesday after you mysteriously woke up in your bed after movie night.  And that thought alone has been in the back of your mind since you opened your eyes Monday morning. 

You’d thought about asking Jungkook what happened, but also didn’t think you could face the mortification if his answer was the one you almost 100% knew it was going to be. Hell, you could already feel the nose dive your stomach would make towards pavement the second you got confirmation. 

So instead, like any other rational person, you shelved it away in the back corner of your brain. Far, far back, hopefully being covered with dirt and cobwebs and lint as the days pass on. 

Though you have a nagging feeling that someone or something keeps dusting—anyways, there are much more important things to be focusing on. 

Currently at the greenhouse cafe, you’re sipping on hot chocolate and painting this week's florals on a canvas almost half the size of you. Perched onto an easel, a bunch of sunflowers is beginning to take shape when your phone dings so many times you're worried someone’s dead. 

Dropping your brush, you scoop it up from its place on the edge of the table, only to see a series of texts from Yuri, and you loose a worried breath.

Her contact name is the same from when you two went to a party the first night of freshman year. While you were sipping from your first and only drink that night, Yuri was sloshed out her mind and slurring her words. And thus, SlurryYuri was born.

She whines every time she sees you still haven’t changed it. You were never going to, of course.

SlurryYuri [2:32pm]: BITCH

Oh, here we go. 

SlurryYuri [2:33pm]: YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHO WENT SOCIAL MEDIA OFFICIAL TODAY SlurryYuri [2:33pm]: BABE ANSWER SlurryYuri [2:33pm]: ANSWER ANSWER ANSWERRRRR SlurryYuri [2:34pm]: YNNNNNNNN

You [2:34pm]: Take a breath why dont you

SlurryYuri [2:34pm]: FINALLY.  SlurryYuri [2:34pm]: By the gods YN…  SlurryYuri [2:35pm]: ANYWAY SlurryYuri [2:35pm]: JUNGKOOK SlurryYuri [2:35pm]: as in PRINCE Jungkook SlurryYuri [2:36pm]: is dating ADALINE. SlurryYuri [2:36pm]: as in #1 ENEMY OF THE STATE EVIL BITCH ADALINE.

You spit out what was left of the hot chocolate in your mouth. 

Thankfully, you had some of your mind about you and managed not to ruin your painting by turning your head…couldn’t say the same for the cafe wall though. Rustic brick now splattered with a lovely, Pollock-esque spray of brown.

Oops.

But Jungkook and…Adaline? That doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.

He hasn’t mentioned anything about this to you. You speak to him every day, see him almost every day, and nothing? Not a peep? A morsel? A hint? Nothing?

Maybe you two aren’t as close as you thought you were.

To be fair, you didn’t tell him about Nel. And now that you think about it, you haven’t seen or heard much from Jungkook since Sunday, which is unusual. He’s normally stuffing your inbox full of messages as the sun rises and sets, yet he’s sent maybe two a day since then.

You thought he was just busy with schoolwork.

Spiraling, you can’t help but wonder how long they’ve been seeing one another. How long he’s kept this little secret—not that it’s any of your business anyway, but he’s always seemed so open with you, with just about everything. So the fact that he kept this from you? What does that say? 

Does he think you’d react like any other girl? That you would scream and cry and mourn and tell him he’s making a mistake, that you’re his true love? Like Adaline would if he weren’t dating her? 

As if! And he knows that.

He knows that…right?

Doesn’t matter. Yes it does. No it doesn’t. 

Ugh! Whatever!

Does he even know who Adaline really is? Or does she put on a mask in front of him too, like she does everyone else. She must because now you wonder how he could even possibly like someone like her, knowing…well her! 

Bitchiness and duchess-ness aside, you and Adaline are incredibly similar, and Jungkook has never had any interest in you whatsoever, thank god. You and Adaline are both fine arts majors, both top of your class, talented, driven. You both work tirelessly for what you want, and don’t let others get in your way to success. Though only one of you will cheat if you have too, morals be damned. You both want your lives to yourself, to make your own path, to be trailblazers in your chosen fields.  

That kind of woman doesn’t seem like Jungkook's type. 

He needs someone who will follow him, and allow him to lead the nation. Someone who is okay submitting to him and his needs for the good of the people and the betterment of the Western Shores. He needs a politically inclined cheerleader, for lack of better phrasing. And that isn’t Adaline at all…or you, if you're still putting yourself in this conversation, which you’re not.  

Also, wasn’t it a rule that princes could only marry princesses? Or was it that nice, genuine people shouldn’t end up with assholes who use and abuse those around them for social status and power? And isn’t that a thing for him too—that he hates when people use him for his name?

So how could he go for her? You can’t fathom a goddamn reason as to why—

Ah…Well.

You can, but you hate it. 

Adaline is beautiful, and while no, not a princess, she does have a title the prince can be seen with in public without ridicule, friend or more than. Someone who wouldn’t be looked at like a charity case or a flavour of the week. Someone who’s used to the media. Adaline doesn’t have to hide from them. Isn’t scared to be seen by them with him. It wouldn’t ruin her future. It’ll only add to i—Wait.

Holy shit.

Adaline comes from one of the most influential families on the Eastern Shores. One with a lot of political power. Like, best friends with the Queen of the Eastern Shores, political power. Though she was only ever graced with sons. Adaline’s probably the closest thing she has to a daughter.

A marriage between Jungkook and Adaline could potentially unify the two sides again. 

Jungkook and Adaline could re-unite the East and West after centuries of war and separation, and current amicable co-existence.

Now that’s a reason he would date her. to become power couple of the century.

The next step in history. 

The whole idea of them makes more and more sense the more you think about it. Adaline, darling of the East marrying the future King of the West. And your stomach curls in on itself. 

Just because it makes sense doesn’t mean you have to like it. 

And you pray to whatever god or gods there are in this universe that he keeps her away from you and out of your conversations. Jungkook’s relationship isn’t any of your business, nor your interest, but you don’t know how well you’d be able to keep your mouth shut about her if he asks anything. 

You know he likes that you’re honest. That you don’t hide things from him others would just to please him. But at what point do you put that aside to keep the peace in an otherwise very comfortable and still blossoming friendship? At what point does honesty become an obstacle rather than a building block?

You know that if Jungkook ever meets Nel and happens not to like him he would keep his mouth shut, mostly. Hopefully. He may give you a hard time but that’s just him. Jungkook knows your relationship is important to you, that it and Nel, make you happy. He would respect that.

So again, who are you to speak ill of the person he’s chosen for himself? Maybe he knows something you don’t, sees something in her that you haven’t.

Just…Why did it have to be Adaline?

He could have anyone, anyone—on campus, in the West, the East, for the love of god, he could have anyone in the entire ass realm he wants! It’s easy to forget when he speaks with his mouth full, dresses in baggy, comfy clothes, and whines about movie choices, but Jungkook is still Prince of the Western Shores. 

He’s still the most eligible bachelor on the continent.  

Yet somehow he chose the one person you can’t stand to be within 1000 feet of. He chose the one person you never thought he would’ve liked for himself because underneath everything, she is everything he claims to hate. 

He chose Adaline Dupree. 

So yeah, you wonder why he hid it from you. Why he felt like he couldn’t tell you. Sure, you hated her, but he doesn’t know that. Probably.

Maybe his love life is something he keeps private? Everyone has that right, and maybe that’s what he’s used to doing due to his every choice being splashed on every news and media outlet there is. 

You roll your eyes. Merciless vultures. 

So maybe he’s not used to sharing this side of himself with others. Maybe that’s why he didn’t tell you anything. 

And with all of this chaos now flitting around your brain, you failed to notice the little slice of pain behind your sternum the more they ricochet around up there. You’re hurt. 

You didn’t expect it to hurt. 

Out of everything you could feel about this: confusion, anger, exasperation, annoyance, you don’t feel any of them. You just feel upset that he didn’t come to you about it. Didn’t feel like he could discuss it with you. 

You are the person your friends—old and new—come to talk to. Always have been. You’re the one who has the rational, well thought out advice. The common sense distributor. The one sought out to help, regardless of the situation. 

And you love it. You love that you’re able to help your friends. Love that they trust you with such things. That you’re the person they seek assistance and guidance from. The ear they bounce their thoughts off of. You’ve always been told you have ‘knowledge beyond your years’ as your mother says. You take pride in that. It gives your life that much more meaning. 

So even though you don’t want to, and know you shouldn’t, because it has nothing to do with you and you know that…you’re taking this as somewhat of a personal blow. 

Maybe you’re losing your touch. You hope not.

But, you need to react like you normally would. Like you still hate the prince for how he humiliated Yuri, just like she hates Adaline for you. Solidarity between best friends, even if it’s fake.

Come on YN you got this, you think to yourself.

You [2:40pm]: I almost feel sorry for him. After how he treated you tho? They deserve each other

No they don’t, no they don’t, no they don’t. 

He deserves so much better.

SlurryYuri [2:40pm]: I’m just surprised he went for her tbh SlurryYuri [2:41pm]:  isnt she like a total bitch? To you at least?  SlurryYuri [2:41pm]: like just knowing what I do from the tiny bit of time I spent with him, she doesn’t really seem to be his type

Vindication!

You [2:42pm]: uh yeah, like 100% yes. Shes a rich party girl who doesnt know the word punishment, always gets what she wants, regardless if she works for it or not. And takes it when she especially doesnt deserve it You [2:43pm]: probably explains how she got him ���

Vivian pops outside to check in, and takes the couple steps to reach your table, some napkins and a large cup of water in hand.

“Hey! Are you okay? I saw that spit take and one; wow, that was impressive. But two; is everything alright?” she asks, passing you the napkins. The water gets thrown on the wall to wash off the splatter.

You wipe up your chin and remnants of projected hot chocolate on the table.

“Sorry, thank you. Yes, I’m fine,” you lie easily. A little scared of how easy it’s becoming. “I just learned some really shocking news is all. I shouldn’t have read it with a full mouth.”

“Oh! That makes sense. I hope whatever it is turns out fine.” 

“Thanks, me too.” 

You know Vivian means well, but she doesn’t know that that is the very last thing you want. You want Adaline’s corruptive, cutthroat, cruel nature away from Jungkook. 

But is he just Jungkook anymore?  

You’ve spent enough time together to consider him a friend, a close friend even. You’ve grown to care for him, platonically, similar to the way you do Yuri. And the fact that you want Adaline as far away from him as she can get so he doesn't go through whatever shit she’ll inevitably get him wrapped up in, definitely says something.

Adaline loves many things—art, fashion, publicity—but the thing she likes better than anything else? 

Attention.

She thrives on it. The more eyes on her the better. She’s a ‘there’s no such thing as bad press’ type, and you worry what that means for him.

Especially now that she’s taken them public—because you know it was her that did it, he would have never—and she’s going to be the hottest topic in all of the newest news cycles. 

Say they’ve been seeing one another since the beginning of the school year? Just a guess, but a likely correct one—you shiver at the thought. That’s less than seven weeks to get to know one another before camera crews and reporters start breathing down their necks. They’ll ask and comment on everything you thought you might go through at one point. But unlike you, Adaline will face it head on with a smile and win them over. Gladly welcome them with open arms.

Because exactly like Jungkook fears with everyone new, she desires everything a relationship with him would give her. 

Status, fame, power, wealth, brand sponsorships, popularity, jealousy, people wishing they could be her. You couldn’t build a better trap to lure her into if you tried. 

Jungkook is potentially unknowingly feeding her already enormous ego simply by publicly dating her. And it dawns on you that your classes with her are going to become even more insufferable.

Great. 

You don’t even know if she’s going to care that she has him. As wonderful, kind and talented as Jungkook is, you have a very good sense that she’ll be just like rest; happy to receive what he can give her, and not a damn to be given about him.

So now you worry. You worry for him and for his safety and for his feelings.

Because that’s what friends do. 

Right?

“Hey.”

You look up to see Jungkook rounding the back corner to the cafe, backpack slung over a shoulder, mask, hat and hoodie all too familiar. You’d be able to spot him a mile away now, it’s all in his posture and eyes. 

Maybe he should invest in some sunglasses. 

And slouch.

You’re elbows deep in yellow and brown paint from the sunflowers that now fill the canvas in front of you. You’ve been experimenting with texture, oil paint thicker in some places to give off a more 3D effect. Stripes of green carved into the medium by the edge of a long palette knife mimic stems, and fat leaves placed with precision also riddle the cloth. 

As he nears, you try your best not to come off as upset, pissed off or worried when you reply.

“Hey,” you fail miserably, sounding exactly like you’re all kinds of upset, and pissed off, and worried. 

Shit.

Like always, he notices immediately.

“Everything okay?” he’s taking his spot at the table beside you, the one that seats four, having abandoned his original one weeks ago. 

You two both found yourselves here so frequently that over time, he started sitting next to you without asking. Always in the same spots. Always side by side. Him at the closest chair to you, you at the same one you always have.

Sure, you two shared movie nights and fun messages, you talk everyday and pretty much talk about whatever you want. But when it comes to academics, he knows he has to tread water a little differently around you. He can’t constantly start conversations the way he would at movie night when you’re at the greenhouse cafe. You’re here to work and to study, and if he wants to be there too, he has to respect that about you, and know not to take it personally. 

So you work together in comfortable silence most of the time, occasionally breaking it to have a conversation, get snacks, or pose for one another’s homework. It’s become another routine you share, an unspoken agreement that when you were both there at the same time, you worked together. 

And you haven’t minded since that first time. The one when you decided to say yes to your friendship. 

You welcome it. Welcome him. His presence. 

Company’s nice to have when it’s wanted. 

When it’s him.

And whether you know it or not, you seem to work better when you are in each other's immediate orbit. You work better when he works alongside you, able to focus better due to body doubling and  to have a second opinion at the ready when you need it. Just like he worked better when you worked alongside him, a willing model any time he needed, and an open ear when he wanted to work something out.  

You two just work. And because of this, he also picks up when something isn’t quite right with the atmosphere you two have created. 

Play it off YN.

“Yeah, just focused. Sorry.”

He doesn’t believe you for a second. When you focus you have a very distinct look on your face, eyes clearer, an eyebrow constantly quirked in self reflection, and that isn’t the one you have on right now. 

But he lets it slide. For now. Somethings up with you, and he knows better than to push you before you’re ready.

“That’s okay. I’m running in, need anything?”

“I’m good, thanks,” you go back to painting, barely acknowledging him and shutting out the outside world. 

Yeah, something’s definitely up.

You’re ignoring him so hard you don’t notice Jungkook lifting your hot chocolate just enough to feel it’s empty. 

Vivian’s behind the counter as he enters and takes off his mask to flash her a wide smile.

“Hey Vivian, how are you today?”

She blushes like she does every time he comes in, hands slowing in their task. 

“Hey JK, I’m good. You?” He had to ask her about a hundred times to drop the ‘your highnesses,’ ‘you majesty’s,’ and ‘prince’s.��� Telling her it really was okay, and that no, she wasn’t going to get in trouble for it. It took her some time, but eventually she came around and it’s made his experience here so much better. So much more normal.

She’d settled on JK because ‘it makes me feel like I’m listening to what you want while also not feeling guilty and weird about calling you Jungkook without the prince part.’

He could work with that logic.

“I’m alright, could I get my usual and a hot chocolate for YN? With a little extra secret ingredient if you're so inclined?” You shared the not so secret stash secret with Jungkook about a week after you said yes.  “She seems upset. Have you noticed anything off lately? Has she said anything to you?”

Jungkook peruses the pastry display while Vivian starts on his drink.

“Not really, she did a wicked spit take earlier about some news her friend told her, but said she was fine, just surprised. Besides that, focused maybe? Or maybe the opposite of that and a little distracted?” She thinks for a second. “Does she have an exam coming up that you know about? She gets a little weird before those.”

He knows exactly what’s meant by that. Witnessed it himself, bunny slippers and all.

But no, you don’t. Your midterms aren’t until the first week of November, nearly two weeks away. You started studying for them last week.

He spots egg tarts in the back corner of the pastry display, hiding. Perfect.

“I don’t think that’s it, but thanks though. I’ll get it out of her eventually, especially if I have one of those egg tarts to butter her up first,” he says in a questioning tone to ask for one while pointing at them.

Vivian smiles a knowing smile. He wants to know what it means because she’s worn it around him for a while now, and he’s half tempted to ask at this point. 

“I think that could be arranged.”

Jungkook pays and heads to your tables again. You’re still locked into your own world of colour and canvas. He subtly sets down the hot chocolate and bagged tart so that you won’t notice until you pop the bubble you’re in.

Halfway through a business assignment he hears your surprise. The weird look on your face finally breaking, a grateful one taking its place as you peek at him.

A soft, genuine, “thank you,” finds his ears as your lips meet lid, and you can’t meet his eye. He knows you often forget to drink or eat when you’re in the zone. 

Maybe now with a warm drink and some goodies in your belly, you’re willing to talk about it.

“You sure everything’s okay?” he asks again.

Your deep sigh and unfocused gaze says enough to him. 

You are willing to talk.

Quietly, almost ashamed sounding, you ask, “Why didn't you tell me about her?”

Her? 

Oh.

Oh… 

You meant Adaline. Why hadn’t he told you about Adaline. 

“Why did I find out an hour ago from Yuri screaming at me through text messages and not from you? Is it something you’re private about? Do you not trust me?”

The truth was that he was hoping to keep it under wraps for a bit longer, actually, hoping you never found out so he wouldn’t have to explain the reason why. 

He still doesn’t have too, and he won’t. Not the real reason.

He won’t ruin things. He can’t.

But he also should have known better. Should have known that not telling you would hurt you instead. Of course he trusted you.

You talk everyday, sometimes for hours, sometimes just to check in. You hang out during the week, whether it be at the cafe like you are right now, or for Sunday movie night. 

Six weeks isn’t a long time, but it was plenty when he thinks about how much time you two have already spent together, how much you’ve gotten to know one another. 

How comfortable you are in each other’s presence. 

Six weeks isn’t a long time, but it feels like you’ve always been there with him, listening, cheering, supporting.

Six weeks isn't a long time, and yet it feels like it’s been forever.

Of course you’re hurt he didn’t tell you. So he doesn’t lie to you, but he also doesn’t tell you the full truth.

“Oh…uh, that.” He rubs a hand at the nape of his neck. “That just kind of happened recently actually, like Monday recently. My father’s been really pressuring me to find someone to court,” and I couldn’t go with my first choice. “So I did.”

“And you went with Adaline?” You ask carefully.

“Uh, yeah? Is there something wrong with her?”

Adaline isn’t his first, second or tenth choice. She's his father’s choice. Might as well appease him and at least try with this girl. It’s going…fine, so far. 

Adaline wanted to make it social media official as soon as possible, wanted what he could give her, like everyone else. Like he expected. And so he willingly suffered through a photo session where she staged everything to make it look perfectly unposed and natural. Even though none of it was. 

She’d told him to put his arms around her waist and kiss her forehead, and it worked. The picture wasn’t bad, they both looked great. But he hated it anyway. It wasn't a spur of the moment decision, or sincere. It wasn’t a picture of two fools drunk on love, wanting to capture something beautiful for their future selves to look back on to reminisce over.

It was an uncomfortable hour and a half of touching and kissing a complete stranger, and it is the complete opposite of what he wants in a relationship. 

He wants genuine and carefree and candid. He wants honest, true feelings and social media posts saved for anniversaries and birthdays instead of using them as a mini documentary of every part of his life through pictures. 

He wants shitty birthday cakes made from scratch, and blurry polaroid pictures of kisses in the rain to put in his wallet when he’s away from them. He wants silly nicknames and inside jokes no one else will understand. 

He wants midnight walks hand in hand under moonlight and quirky habits he picks up from them. He wants pictures of precious moments and holidays celebrated between just the two of you and movie nights under blanket forts with popcorn and hot chocolate and egg tarts. 

He wants real.

He wants authentic. 

He wants love.

Not some staged artificial bullshit for an online presence that means nothing once you’re dead. 

But this is new and exciting for Adaline. He understands that a relationship with him is a very big deal, that she’s not used to it yet, and that it hasn’t been nearly long enough for him to see the true her yet. 

It’s only been 44 hours. Not that he’s counting.

So he’s going to give her some time, and have some faith that maybe she shows him that side of herself if it exists. He doesn't think she's going to change all that much for several reasons, the first being her enormous reputation, and the second being that she’s a politician's daughter, but he’s going to at least try. The way he hopes she will.

And if nothing does change, and she stays the exact same, at least she’s pretty enough to distract him. 

He knows that’s not the most mature or princely thing to do or think. In fact, he knows it’s quite asshole-ish of him, but if Adaline’s going to openly use him for her own personal gain, why shouldn’t he be able to use her just a little bit too? 

She isn’t unfamiliar with political relationships, having been born from one, so he doesn’t think she would be against it either. And it’s not like he’ll be mistreating her, quite the opposite in fact.

He’ll shower her with expensive gifts and happily take however many pictures she wants. He’ll smother her in physical affection and get or do whatever she needs in order to make her happy. 

Because as much as she clearly wants this relationship with him for whatever reason, he desperately needs it more with every passing day. He needs somewhere to put everything he’s feeling. And if that happens to be in a beautiful woman his father approves of who he could possibly, eventually grow feelings for? It’s a win-win in his book.

But at the same time, sometimes he really hates the shit he has to navigate in his Royal Life.

While Jungkook is caught in his thought spiral, you bite your tongue. Like actually bite your tongue. 

Don’t say shit Y/N. 

Don't say anything.

It’s not your business. What they have together and what’s between you and Adaline are completely separate, unrelated things. One’s a rivalry and one's a relationship. Those are not the same. 

At. All. 

So, still untrusting of your mouth, you shake your head and dodge his question by changing the direction of the conversation.

“Why did you go public so quickly?” you ask, feeling like it’s the safest question you can muster. “It’s literally only been two days.”

He shrugs. “She wanted to, and I didn’t say no.”

“Courseshedid,” you mutter under your breath. That should’ve been red flag number one. Two days? Who goes social media official after two days!?

“What?”

“Nothing,” you try your best to give him the closest thing to a smile you can currently muster, forcibly removing any acid from every word. “I hope she makes you happy.”

He doesn’t tell you she was hand picked by the king for him.

That at twenty-four, he still isn’t pulling all of his own strings. It’s pathetic.

“Me too.” 

He hopes she’ll help more than anything. Even if it’s just for a little while. “I’ve never been in a public relationship before. But the kingdom and my father seem to like her, so I’m sure I will too, with time.” 

It takes all of your focus not to roll your eyes.

Of course they do. Of course the King already likes her, she’s got the attitude and knowledge for politics, so she’s perfect! Strong potential to be the heartless, ruthless Queen to what you already know will be Jungkook's kind and giving King. 

Great! Just great. That’s just…great…

Maybe you’re biased. Maybe there’s something in her that you can’t see because of your past with her. 

Maybe they really are perfect for one another and you just refuse to see it. Opposites attract, isn’t that what they say? Well Jungkook and Adaline couldn’t be more opposite of one another.

So you decide that you won’t let your personal feelings get in the way. That you’ll keep the peace and support his choice, regardless of your opinion of her, even if you hate his choice. 

And you really hate his choice.

“I have no doubt.”

The seat heater in the car you rented to pick Nel up from the airport keeps your tush toasty while you drive. 

Friday night has never felt so exciting!

You can barely sit still, the leg not pressing the pedals won’t stop bouncing and you have to sit on your hands at stop lights to try and keep calm.

God you missed him, it's only been two months since you last saw him, and yet it feels like forever. 

You have the piece of printer paper with ‘Smoosh’ printed on it in the biggest font you could have horizontally. It’s something you do every year, and every year it never fails to bring the biggest smile to Nel’s face when you wave it wildly the second you see him.

Pulling up to the terminal you keep your eyes peeled for the first parking spot you can find. Never an easy feat at this particular airport but you manage to find one somewhere in the J lot under section 1, whatever that meant. All you care about right now is that you’re decently close to the doors as you grab your phone, bag, sign, and that you’re perfectly on time.

Entering through sliding doors, you find the waiting area mostly empty, so you pick the best place to sit as you wait for his flight to land: dead center and up front. 

You can’t wait. Just a few more minutes and you’ll see him. 

You can’t wait. You can’t wait. You can't wait!

Your phone dings and you jump at it, looking for the ‘I’ve landed’ text from Nel, but it’s not from Nel.

It’s from Jungkook.

Me [10:42pm]: See you in a week. I hope you enjoy your time with Nel.

That sounds okay, right? It sounds neutral? Safe?

Like he hasn’t been dreading this week since that day you told him about it?

Jungkook hopes so. Because he wants you to enjoy your week off.

Your week off with Nel. 

And not him. 

That’s normal, he has to remind himself. That he’s not anyone particularly special to you, just a friend. Not someone you would go out of your way for to spend all your free time with over break. Not even for two hours on Sunday nights.

Just a regular, average, nothing important about him…

Friend. 

He doesn’t want to feel like this. Doesn’t want to have all of these… whatever these feelings are, about and for you.

He really doesn’t want to. But more than that, he can’t. 

He can’t have any sort of non-platonic feelings for the first person who didn’t give a shit about who he was. For the person who makes him feel more like himself than anyone else. 

For the person who has a boyfriend. 

For the person who isn’t his girlfriend.

For the person who’s you.

But he can’t fucking help it!

So he’s been shoving them down, down, down. So far down that he’s able to function around you. 

Because it’s you. 

You’re kind, and caring. Talented, beautiful, giving. Driven, smart. You respect what he asks for and what he wants for himself, not because he's the Prince demanding, but because it's him—because it’s Jungkook—that asks you, and you liste–

No! Stop it. He can’t. He can’t!

Stop, stop, stop—

You have Nel! 5 years in, loving, loyal boyfriend, probably soon to be more after graduation, Nel.

It’s expected that you would spend what little time off you have with the boyfriend you barely get to see, wouldn’t it? Makes sense that every second you have, is saved for him? 

For being happy with who makes you happy? 

Jungkook wants to see you happy. And Nel makes you happier than he’s ever seen you before, so he can’t be too upset with the guy, even though he wants to be. He wants to hate him. But how could he hate someone that gave you the smile that completely shatters his heart. 

Picasso [10:43pm]: Thanks! I will. See you soon😊

With a broken smile, he turns his phone off and puts it in his pocket.

He’s up against a wall, red cup in his hand filled with something that he’s barely touched yet, trying not to be too noticeable.

Adaline’s dragged him to some party on campus he really doesn't care about. But she said it would be good to be seen out together now that things are official. 

Out in the open, for everyone to see. For everyone to talk about.

So he went, because she asked him to. 

And now he’s regretting it. The music is shit, the people smell and everything he touches is damp or sweaty. This isn’t a part of the university experience he ever intended on participating in, but here he is. 

Adaline appears from the crowd, walking over to where he stands, a cup of her own in one hand and the other finding its way to his neck. 

One thing Jungkook’s glad for is the alcohol. Something to help his racing thoughts, pounding heart, and roiling gut. Something to drown out the world. Even if he’s only had two gulps so far. 

More, then. 

Taking a hefty swig he revels in the burn that crawls down his throat. It feels good, it makes him feel less. So he takes another one and another, and then pours his turmoiled feelings about you and Nel into Adaline’s lips. Shoving them down, further and further, until it’s like they were never even there in the first place.

The only thing that's there now is the fire in his stomach, Adaline, and her cherry flavoured lip gloss.

Chapter Six: Eastern Arrivals and Unwanted Doubt

A/N 2: I'm so sorry this took for literal ever. I never intend on taking forever but unfortunately real life gets in the way and I'm left with no creative energy to output writing I'm proud of.

A/N 3: As always, Thank you for reading, loves. Xoxo - Yoon <3

<- Back

[cloud0177]

I fear I must make every interest mix with eachother so this is a komahina (centered) au now

(not taking any other role changes)

okay so hajime is mc, nagito is monika, chiaki is sayori, mikan is yuri, and.. idk for natsuki.. hiyoko?

I fear I may be eating with this it fits SO well (watch here)

(will someone draw this idea for little ol’ me… *bats eyelashes*)

it works more specifically for this video but just think about it.. natsuki and yuri already have the same relationship as hiyoko and mikan

yuri gets unstable and crazy during ddlc just like mikan out of nowhere even tho she was usually pretty shy before

natsuki is meant to be a tsundere which might not be so far off from hiyoko, since I remember her getting more comfortable with hajime once? Idk but still, that and how natsuki also bashes on yuri sometimes (the fight scene)

and then sayori getting deleted from the game, I mean, yeah you see her die but THEN she gets deleted. For the others I think they just die, so basically pretty much works with chiaki, other than nagito she’s pretty close to hajime

And monika? Nagito bc duh it’s a komahina centered au but also bc it just FITS. Nagito is SUPER smart and a bit crazy, he knows how to do things to get his way and because nagito is someone really important to the story regardless if you like him or not you HAVE to pay attention to him

*for chiaki, her personality doesn’t change from her in dr2 but the relationship is overall the same as ddlc

“my beginning and my end” that’s so komahina I died bc hajime woke up on the island only really knowing nagito from the start and then the last trial was Nagito’s death OH IM GONNA BE SICK 😭😭

“monika’s all that I need/monika’s brains and beauty/monika sees right through me” that’s nagito 🤍

“each day that passes by is tearing pages from my mind” HAJIMEEE

TRUST ILL REPLAY DDLC JUST FOR THIS AU

[oscconfessions]

ok i have something to ACTUALLY CONFESS and i am so embarassed. It will be immediately obvious who I am but i do not care. this blog is lacking in actual embarassing confessions so let us rejoice in the fact this is. actually embarassing.

So i am the resident Zoetrope simp right. He is my second wife and I love him dearly. BUT THATS NOT THE EMBARASSING PART OH NO.

oh my fucking god Okay so like simultaneously I am a huge hater of people who automatically assume ‘oh? you like Zoetrope? Is it just cause his VA is Saberspark??’ LIKE NO. THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO HIM THAN JUST HIS VA. And 90% of the time I even FORGET his VA. His voice in my brain does not sound like Saberspark ever. So it just annoys me when people automatically assume that. I just think Zoetrope is a silly guy. He has done no wrong (exceptthatonetime) and could do no wrong (exceptthatonetime). I have a special place in my heart for all the silly goober eccentric artist types. And also for the side characters who get zero appreciation. COME ON GUYS, HE IS LITERALLY A BLANK SLATE YOU CAN PROJECT WHATEVER LORE YOU WANT TO ONTO HIM AND IT WOULD STILL (probably) MAKE SENSE! Zoetrope yaoi? BASED! Zoetrope yuri? BASED! Zoetrope cishet? woah there bucko i dont think

ANYWAYS the actual confession.

So you know how when you’re asleep right. Yeah okay so I think my CONSCIOUS BRAIN and my UNCONSCIOUS BRAIN had a miscommunication.

I think my unconscious brain only heard ‘undying love’ and ‘saberspark’ and decided to tune ALL THE REST OF THAT BULLSHIT OUT because last night I had the most CURSED fucking dream where I was making out with saberspark. NOT LIKE THE PERSON. BUT THE FUCKING PNG. I AM STILL CRYING AND SHAKING VIOLENTLY AT THIS VERY MOMENT. WHAT DO I DO. HOW DID MY BRAIN FUCK IT UP THAT BADLY. IT FELT LIKE A FUCKING NIGHTMARE AND THEN I WOKE UP IN A COLD SWEAT.

I HAD TO APOLOGIZE TO MY 5 WIVES FOR CHEATING ON THEM WITH A SABERSPARK PNG.

Does anyone have any tips to make your dreams not fucked up or should I just lay off the melatonin. TIA

.

[heian-era-housewife]

Hello all!

Recovery, diagnosis, and continued health journey below the break.

TLDR: Stage 4 endometriosis, still waiting on results for the heart condition, tired, sore, overall am going to be okay 👍 I do, however, hate being the owner of a uterus.

Most importantly, thanks everyone for the love, support, and well wishes! Glad to be back! It will be slow. Don't expect too much, but I do still plan to play catch up on Kinktober, even if it goes into November a little bit.

Trigger warnings: blood, mental health, mention of sex, gender identity, generally just Yuri whining 😅

I'm not sure where to begin. When I imagined writing this comeback post, pre-surgery I thought it would be all smiles and sunshine. I knew there would be pain, but I thought the worst of it would be behind me. Currently, I feel like I'm sitting toward the bottom of what may be a very long uphill struggle.

While my surgery went smoothly, the care I received around the surgery was eye opening. We waited for hours on end both before and after the surgery to get answers, to get help, to use the bathroom or be offered water.

Sometime before I woke up I had apparently been given some disposable underwear and a pad because I was bleeding pretty heavily. When I was finally able to use the restroom, I discovered that the pad had been placed cotton-side down with the adhesive side facing my body. The sticky part was still covered with the backing (thankfully), but this had caused blood to run everywhere including down my legs where I could not reach, as I was unable to bend. The only person available to help me at the time was a man whose bedside manner was less than desirable, so I just lived with the blood stains.

This was just one of many instances where it felt like I was almost being punished for having the reproductive organs that I do. And frankly, that has been my experience my entire life as someone who menstruates, who has had difficulty with menstruation, and who has had near constant pain and problems in that area.

Ultimately, I was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis. I know very little about this condition and by the time I had woken up from surgery, the surgical staff had gone home. There was no one willing to answer questions and I have since been told I will need to wait two weeks until my follow up appointment to speak with the doctor and get details. Until then, I am left with my own research. From what it seems, there is no cure and very minimal that can be done for treatment of symptoms. My discharge notes make mention of heavy scarring on my ovaries from recurring cysts, which are sure to continue. The endometrial tissue can also appear on or effect other parts of the body as they had in this past instance where tissue was present around my intestines. It can grow on lungs and even the brain, though these cases are extremely rare.

It's hard not to feel discouraged right now. I thought this surgery would be a huge step forward toward feeling better, but it feels more like a tiny drop in a bucket of larger issues and possibly more surgeries and complications to come. Not only this, but I am enraged both by the absolutely abysmal healthcare system here in the U.S. but by the treatment of and complete lack of empathy for those who have vaginas, uteruses, who experience menstruation or pregnancy and any number of complications from these things. I've said it before and I'll say it again, "women's" healthcare is a JOKE, but this goes beyond women. If I, a cisgender female, am experiencing such a lack of care and empathy, I can only imagine how any person with these organs who doesn't fit the stereotypical image or definition gets treated. I hate it.

Anyhoo...

Recovery is expected to take about two weeks. No sex for six weeks (for real this time)

Still waiting on results from my heart monitor.

Wanting to tackle mental health after squaring away what I can of physical health.

Depression and anxiety is now worse than ever. Doing my best not to slither into my little hermit hole and hide from it all.

Writing helps. Drawing helps. The love and care from amazing people on this silly little site helps.

And of course, there is Hubs, who deserves a standing ovation for the incredible job he has done caring for me, advocating for me, and reminding me every day that truly good people do still exist 🩷

If you've read this far, please go get yourself a cookie or something 🍪 and thank you, truly, for being part of this little journey with me 💕

[des-thefox]

chilchuck is fucking haunting me im so done with his ass

when i first started dungon meshi with the way i am it was fair for me to assume id brainrot on it a bit maybe even hyperfixate cuz i change hyperfixations FAST so i had made a guess like "oh ill probably have farcille at the forefront of my brain"

but NO. i finish episode 20 i think "which character am i thinking about the most" AND THEN CHILCHUCK APPEARS

WHO INVITED HIM?!?!?!!?! I KNOW I DIDNT

i was trying to daydream about yuri and he just appeared with a goddamn speech bubble saying "i have a wife and 3 kids" I DONT CARE GO AWAY

i woke up an HOUR LATE today because i was up at 3am thinking about CHILCHUCK MOTHERFUCKING TIMS I HATE HIM GET AWAY im so tired all day because i didnt get enough sleep and its ALL HIS FAULT

DOWN with chilchuck tims i say

IVE HAD ENOUGH

GET THIS MAN OUT OF MY HEAD

Unlike most of this wretched species, I have discovered my life's purpose. I learned of the disgusting half-foot, and temporarily lost my vision. Once I was able to open my eyes, I realized I had commit terrible atrocities against the city of New York. I was imprisoned for decades. I loathe Chilchuck. That spoiled old man ruined my life. I watched the anime just so I could proclaim my hatred to the rest of the movie theater. I read every manga chapter featuring my tormentor just to watch the Red Dragon (my savior) righteously apprehend him. Some mistake me as evil. To those who doubt me I say, "Nay. Evil is not me. The very essence of Evil lies in Chilchuck's gloved hands. He is power hungry enough to wield it, yet too much of a coward to touch it." "DOWN WITH CHILCHUCK," THE GODS ABOVE AND BELOW PLEAD. THE UNIVERSE CREATED CHILCHUCK TO HOLD US BACK FROM PERFECTION. DOWN WITH THE DEVIL. DOWN WITH CHILCHUCK.

anyways chilchuck and his wife are t4t you cant disagree with me because im correct

[inurecitty]

₊ ⊹🪻 ✧˚.

sick day - subaru kagami x reader

may be ooc, requested by a friend

no pronouns or name for reader used

🪻⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Being unable to go home was rough enough. What could be worse? Getting sick in a place keeping you pretty much captive.

Your chest ached, your nose running, nonstop coughing. This had to be some form of torture. You felt horrible.

And it was apparent to your friends. You struggled to walk down the halls of Darkwick, air stuffy and dusty as you fought through the crowds. And Kaito and Luca couldn’t help but notice, stopping you momentarily before you reached your next class.

It was Luca who spoke first, “You’re really looking unwell, I think you should go to your room and rest.”

“Yeah…you look like you’ll collapse any moment,” Kaito spoke up, scratching his head. Your friends were concerned and honestly? You didn’t mind skipping out on your next class.

“Okay..” you spoke up, your voice hoarse from your coughs, “Just…take notes for me.” You let out a sigh, reaching for your phone.

You had planned to spend some time at Hotarubi helping out, mainly to see Subaru. The two of you enjoyed the quiet of each other's company, and now you had to cancel.

You - Hey! I know I was supposed to help out after classes but I’m under the weather so I’ll have to cancel! So sorry!

Once you sent your text, you began to head to your room, not minding how your phone buzzed as you walked.

As soon as you got to your slightly rundown room, you stripped yourself of your clothes, changing into pajamas. You settled into your bed, sighing as you felt the coolness of your bed sheets. Your head throbbed and you found yourself drifting off slowly…

A sweet dream fell over you, a dream with Subaru. It was simple really, you only wanted to be in his company. Sharing your lunch times, going on quiet walks in Hotarubi, falling asleep in his arms. You were at peace, your fuzzy sick brain aiding your delusions. He was such a simple, yet complex person. There was still so much to learn.

A gentle knock woke you, rising you from your sleep as you dragged your feet to your bedroom door.

A gentle voice spoke through the cracks, “Are you alright? A brought you something.” You knew that voice, it was Subaru. As you cracked the door a bit, looking Subaru up and down before spotting the bag he held, the smell of warm soup hitting your nose. You shly glanced away.

“Come in…”

He stepped in, assisting you in guiding you to your bed, his touch seeming distant. It was clear he was still a little worried about accidentally using his stigma. You weren’t too bothered however, he had still come to care for you.

“You should be resting, I brought you soup and some medicine. Please allow me to check your forehead.”

You nodded, letting Subaru press his wrist against your forehead. He sat still for a second before nodding, “You feel warm. I’m glad I prepared a cold washcloth then.”

Subaru was always so well prepared, but you couldn’t help but notice how nervous he was. You adjusted yourself on your bed, watching as he produced the soup and medicine.

“After I care for you, I suggest you reach out to Yuri for a check up,”

You nodded, “You’re right, I just want it to be over with…” You trailed off. Subaru sat by your side, scooping some soup with a spoon, “Let’s get you better then…” Subaru spoke with a sweet and gentle smile. A smile that melted your heart, you felt you might’ve just gotten sicker.

once again, apologies is this is ooc or has mistakes! it’s not beta read and I haven’t written in a while so I apologize!! I hope you enjoyed it regardless! Sorry it’s so short 🫶🪻

[dreamscapesofimagination]

I Can't Stop You From Running

Reminder: Chapter 1 of "The Good, The Bad, The Dirty" is out on Wattpad today! It is a detroit:become human fanfiction with Connor x human reader. You don't really need to know the game to check it out, please just give it a chance, DBH is my FAVORITE game of all time and I adore connor! was listening to Save My Soul by Jonah Kagen while writing this! I've been very busy and have also bren struggling mentally. I'm fine, I've had MDD and panic disorder for years and have a great support system, great meds, and have learned to handle them well. Due to the election results and now the inauguration I spiraled a bit and so all my extra energy went into getting myself back on track. Hoping to post more frequently!

Inspired by: the hands that cradled your face and tilted it upwards to kiss your forehead are soaked in unfathomable quantities of blood.

I don't know where the original is from, but it inspired me as I imagine even when displaying softness Alan can't help but think of what he's done.

--------------

You weren't sure why you had done it.

Your finger had clicked the 'call' button before your brain had slowed down enough to process what you were doing.

The images from your dream- your nightmare- rushed through your head, a kicked dog chasing its own tail again. And again. And again.

The ringing only caused your heart to hammer faster, and you quickly hit the end button.

Stupid, of course he wouldn't answer. It was two am, he was sleeping.

Your eyes focused on the shadows dancing through the window. Sleep was far from your mind, closer to an anxiety attack than sweet dreams.

What would they do when you became a Kyklos? Would they imprison you, study you? You figured Yuri would have few qualms about it, your only comfort being that Jiro seemed to like you enough to care.

And how would they react? Would they mourn? Would they move on, chalk you up as another casualty to be recorded as a statistic, lumped in with all the others studied in Anomalous Epidemiology?

A spike of cold fear stabbed through you as your phone rang.

You scrambled, grabbing it and answering.

"Hello?" Breath rushed from your body at the sound of Alan's voice.

"Hi, um. Sorry if I woke you, I just..." you squeezed your eyes shut in embarrassment, "I had a bad dream and uh. I just... needed to hear someone's voice."

A beat of silence had a whole new type of anxiety clawing up your throat. What the fuck were you doing?

"I was up anyway, couldn't sleep..." Alan's voice trailed off for a moment as if he were searching for something to say.

"I'm doing some paperwork. If you want you could come here?" his voice peaked in uncertaintly.

You found yourself nodding, though he couldn't see you.

"Yeah, I think I'd like that."

And so a routine was set. When you had a nightmare, you would call Alan. You discovered he seemed to sleep very little. He was doing paperwork, working out, working on a car, or watching old movies when you called.

He never pressed. Never asked you to tell him what terrors were haunting your sleep. Just quietly accepted your presence, allowed you the space to feel better. Before you knew it, you started falling asleep curled up on an old chair he had in his room.

He never pressed, never touched you. His presence was quiet, reliable- safe.

This night you were sat beside him as some old american movie played on the screen before you.

Tonight it was harder to shake the dread that had woken you.

You could sense the concern from all around you. You could see the paleness to your face, the dark circles beneath your eyes, the bitten cuticles, limp hair. Anyone who saw you would know you hadn't been sleeping much.

You worried the skin of your lower lip, gaze going through the television and beyond.

Alan could tell you were not there beside him.

"I get them too."

His voice was like a lighthouse, leading you safely from the storm of your thoughts, back to the safe harbour that was the space beside him.

You blinked at him, "what?"

He glanced at you before turning his gaze back to the tv.

"Nightmares. Most nights they wake me up. Hard to sleep when I know that I'll have one."

Your eyes dropped to your hands. Silence lapsed.

And then-

"I think I'm seeing what's going to happen to me."

Alan turned his head to watch you carefully.

"What do you mean?"

"I feel myself change in the dreams. I feel the most unimaginable pain, and before I know it I'm no longer in control of myself. It's like-" your voice cracked, tears falling before you had realized they had gathered in your eyes, "-it's like my soul is paralyzed, like my body was hijacked. I see the people I care about staring, screaming. And then I see their corpses. And I know, I know that I did it. I killed them."

Your chest heaved a sob as Alan stared at you.

And then you felt him shift.

He tentatively pulled you toward himself, wrapping you up in his arms, body stiff against you as if he was unsure what he was doing.

You gripped his shirt. allowing yourself to break apart. Weeks of little sleep and intense fear had made you fragile, and here you were, falling to pieces.

Feeling safe to do so because you knew Alan was there, and Alan was good at fixing things. He would piece you together again.

He held you as you cried. He never said it would be okay. He didn't speak.

After that night, much of your time was spent at Vagastrom. Other students noticed that something was different between you and the captain. Whispers sprang up, and try as you might, it was hard to deny that the air between you was different. Despite the way you both spent much of the night together, and how once quiet comraderie had become quiet talks about anything and everything (though you both avoided bringing up your nightmares again)- you would not admit how you felt, too afraid to lose the fragile friendship you had built, to scare Alan away.

You had gotten pretty good at ignoring the way your heart hammered everytime you saw Alan, as if it were trying to break free from your chest and fly to his hands, knowing it would be safe with him. Knowing it was his.

There wasn't enough time for that, anyway. The way things were going, your curse would not be lifted. Getting all of the ghouls to cooperate was akin to herding cats- though even that would be easier given the intelligence of the campus cats.

It was hard to blame them. They each had their own pasts, and had their own ambitions. You found it odd that your fate had been placed in their hands anyway- were the faculty incapable of figuring this out? More and more you expected that saving you was not the goal of Darkwick, as if they had a vested interest in you becoming a Kyklos.

You turned to your side, trying to force the thought from your mind.

Tonight, Alan had to go on a mission. You had been assigned to assist Yuri in an experiment- which had turned into Yuri ordering you and Jiro to collect some specimen from Jabberwock (much to the dismay of Haru, though he seemed a bit happier when Jiro mentioned that they just needed a blood sample, and had no intention of harming the creature). By the end of the day you were tired, irate, and thinking about how much you would like to wring Yuri's neck. You had looked forward to crawling into bed and sleeping, nightmares be damned.

And yet, sleep would not come.

Your fingers twiddled at a loose string on your blanket as you stared into the room, begging your brain to shut down for the night.

Groaning, you sat up, accepting that you were unlikely to sleep for the forseable future. You padded down the stairs, deciding that maybe a cup of tea would help your mind quiet.

Your eyes stared listlessly at the electric kettle as it boiled.

A knock at the door broke your disassociation, a startled yelp leaving your lips before your heart settled.

With quiet steps you krept to the door, opening it and gasping as you took in the ghoul before you.

Alan was disheveled, and covered in blood. Blood that you assumed was not his due to the lack of any major visible wounds.

He stared at you for a moment, jaw working as if he were trying to say something, eyes wide like a frightened animal.

Your hand grasped his, feeling the blood stain as you pulled him inside.

He put up no resistance, seeming to deflate once he crossed the threshold.

Wordlessly, you led him to the bathroom. You unbuttoned his vest, tossing the stained article into the tub before doing the same with his shirt.

You turned the sink on, wetting a cloth once it was warm and beginning to run it over his bloodied knuckles.

All the while, Alan watched. Your only sign that he was coming back to himself was the slowing of his breaths.

And finally, "I don't deserve you."

It was quiet, as if to himself.

You paused, watching him carefully, holding still as if he would dart at any moment, sink into himself and draw away from you.

His eyes finally rose to you, meeting your gaze with his own, empty devastation behind lifeless amber eyes.

"I'm... I'm not good," he choked out, staring at you, unblinking.

"All I can do is hurt," Alan shifted to move away from you, pull his hands away.

You tightened your grip, and the ghoul froze, as if he didn't have the strength to pull away.

Showing you how little he actually wanted to leave.

It was the first time you had seen Alan look so fragile, as if he would crumble at the slightest brush of wind. Fall apart at your voice.

"Alan," your voice was gentle, carefully drawing him back, back to you, away from the doubts that plagued him.

"You are the one who comforted me every night, who never expected me to be okay or to talk about what's going on," your hands moved to cradle his face, thumbs trailing over his cheekbones.

His eyes fluttered closed, savoring your touch.

"I-" before Alan could speak, you brushed your lips against his, effectively stealing his breath as his eyes flew open, staring at you.

And then he surged forward, pressing his lips to yours in a desperate kiss.

You felt dampness on your cheeks. unsure if it was from your tears or his.

There you sat, clinging to one another as if you'd drift apart otherwise, lost in the space of infinite loneliness.

[hoffstrap-yuri]

In My Head, In My Heart

ao3 // masterlist

*Summary: Petra Strahm had come to terms with the fact that she was a lesbian after Husband #2, but never did she think she'd swing so hard for a pregnant woman.

*Rating: +18 for explicit mature content

*Content/Tags: Fem Hoffstrahm, Fem Coffinshipping, Yuri Coffinshipping, Yuri Hoffstrahm, WLW Coffinshipping, WLW Hoffstrahm, Petra Strahm (Fem Strahm), Maureen Hoffman (Fem Hoffman), Fluff and Smut, Shameless Smut, Plot What Plot, Pregnancy Kink, Pregnancy Sex

*Status: First Fic in Series/Completed (Second Fic Here)

Author's Note: Basically the thought of pregnant Fem Hoffman made me pass out with a nosebleed and when I woke up, this had created itself. But in all honesty I've poured at least 24 hours into this thing because I was like "I gotta write before my muse leaves my mind" so enjoy this fic!

I've got more fem Hoffstrahm coming, but this was just something I had started before taking requests so have this to tide yourselves over

Holy Shit.Petra had stopped a few steps short of the bottom of the staircase leading to the murder scene of their confidant, Alison Kerry. Sure she expected gore, maybe a head that flew off to one corner of the room…. But she hadn’t expected to see a heavily pregnant woman working the scene. She was going to launch into her ‘Open the Door and You Will Find Me’ spiel she had been mentally preparing while still in Perez’s car, ready to call out the city’s police department for its incompetence at handling a serial killer of this infamy. She decided better of herself and quietly hid behind her partner as she did the introductions. “Detective Hoffman, I’m Special Agent Lindsay Perez of the FBI. This is my partner, Special Agent Petra Strahm.” “Pleasure.” The detective leaned forward a bit, putting a strain on her dress shirt’s buttons and held out a hand for the two agents. Petra reached out first, surprised by the heavy grip the other woman hand. She pulled her hand back and behind Lindsay’s back massaged her hand. “How can I help the FBI?” “‘Open the door and you will find me’, does that mean anything to you, Detective?” Petra replied, the edge coming back to her words as she tried not to look at Hoffman’s giant baby bump square in the center of her plush body. “You’ll have to forgive me if I don’t understand your cryptic bullshit.” Hoffman scoffed at her, “Pregnancy brain leaves me so confused these days.” “Pregnancy brain, my ass.” Another officer under Hoffman’s command muttered under his breath. Hoffman’s heel just so happened to ‘hover’ over the top of his foot before pressing down; making the detective curse loudly before scurrying off to the opposite side of the scene. Hoffman covered her mouth behind her hand as she let out a reserved laugh. “Anyway, no. That means absolutely nothing to me, Agent.” She finally replied to the special agent’s inquiry from a moment passed. Strahm made some kind of grunting noise as she examined Kerry’s body. Hoffman pulled out a legal pad where she kept notes and flipped through them, hoping to provide some kind of information to the agents. “There must be another apprentice.” Petra stated “You’re sure that this isn’t the work of John…” “John Kramer was a bed-ridden cancer patient. Absolutely not.” Strahm countered “It could’ve been Amanda Young. Used a pulley system…” Hoffman offered once again “There’s no way. Amanda’s arrest record puts her weight at 107, and Detective Kerry was 130…” “Special Agent.” Hoffman batted her eyelashes at the other woman, “If you’re here for any other reason than just to assist, I suggest you back the fuck off.” “Wouldn’t want to miss anything your pregnancy brain let slip.” Petra bit back and walked through the crime scene. She heard Lindsay sigh behind her, probably shooting Hoffman an ‘I’m sorry about her’ look before following behind the older woman. After looking over everything, and some of the lower detectives shuffling back to the precinct, Hoffman approached the two agents. “You’re welcome to set up in the conference room back at my station.” One hand rested on her back for support, while the other rested over the crest of her bump. “Thanks, we could use a cup of coffee.” Lindsay cracked a smile at the matronly detective “You’re welcome. I’ll see you two later. I have another fire to put out.” She replied, turning on her heels before walking up the stairs. Lindsay craned her head up, making sure that Hoffman was out of earshot before nudging her partner with her elbow. “What?” Strahm asked, before being nudged again, “What?!” “I saw you staring at her.” “I was not.” Strahm rolled her eyes “Were too. She’s exactly your type.” “Bullshit.” “I’ve seen your ex-husband.” Lindsay retorted, “Only Maureen's got more curves.” “Why don’t you take the car to the precinct, and shut the fuck up.”

“Damn.” Lindsay laughed, “I’ll go at least get the car started. Might want to cool down a little before you get in the car.” “Fine.” Strahm huffed a little bit, taking another walk through of the crime scene before deciding she was calm enough to face Lindsay’s badgering about her attraction towards Maureen Hoffman. Though there really wasn’t anything there. She hopped into the car and sat silently across from Perez as they drove to the police station together. The officer that Hoffman had stepped on came out to lead them to the conference room, showing them where the coffee machine was on the way in before the two pulled out their briefcases. Lindsay sat on the edge of the table as Strahm flipped through the manila file folders she crammed inside the case. “Do you think we should tell Maureen?” “No Linds.” Strahm replied, not taking even a second to look up at her partner, “We don’t know what they know and the evidence is stacking up that it’s someone on the inside helping the Jigsaw Killer.”

“I know, it’s just the tape said that there’s two police that’ll be the next victims and it might be better…” She started to explain. The whole atmosphere seemingly shifted as the doorway creaked slightly under the weight of the pregnant detective leaning against the frame. Petra looked her up and down with a level of disgust that she couldn’t even pretend to conceal. “Hope this is comfortable for the two of you.” Maureen said, walking across the room and taking a seat across from Strahm, “Certainly better than sitting in the bullpen.” “It’ll be fine.” Lindsay assured the other woman. Maureen pushed her chair back slightly to cross her leg over her lap, showing that she had switched to flats after coming back from the scene. “If you don’t mind my asking, how far are you along?” “Oh.” Maureen smiled in a manner that made Petra wanted to gag. So saccharine sweet, and for what? “I’m in my third trimester.” “Oh, then you’re due anytime now.” “I still have a couple of weeks before the due date, but yes.” Petra scoffed a little before saying something completely lacking any kind of tact, “Shouldn’t you be out on maternity leave, then?” Without hesitation and after looking at the simple silver band on her ring finger, Maureen shot back, “Shouldn’t you be with your husband?” Lindsay had to stifle her laughter and Petra shot her partner a look of ‘you were supposed to be on my side on this one’. “I’m divorced for your information.” “Congratulations. Your ex must be a lucky man.” “Not nearly as lucky as I am to be rid of him.” Petra responded. “Either of you want coffee?” Lindsay got up and made a dash for the door before either of the other women could answer her. It was a courtesy more than anything, but she needed an excuse to get out from there. “I’d better go.” Hoffman grabbed the teddy bear she had in her arms previously when she walked into the conference room “What do you want from me, detective?” “What?”

“I said ‘what do you want from me’? Don’t tell me you were just walking in here to check on Lindsay and I. God knows you could have sent one of your lackeys to do that while you were resting in your office.” Hoffman scoffed back, “I’m not some delicate flower despite being with child. I can still flip a man over my shoulder… even though my OB/GYN has advised against it.” She got up from her seat and leaned into Strahm’s space when she heard the agent utter something under her breath. “I didn’t quite hear that, Agent, mind saying it a bit louder for me?” “It’s none of your damn business.” Strahm growled underneath the other woman. She looked over her shoulder for an opening, but Maureen was all up in her business. Maureen pulled Strahm’s chair back and placed her hands firmly on the arms of the chair, forcing the FBI agent to shrink herself further into herself. “I said, repeat yourself, Agent Strahm.” She said in a low voice. Petra was surprised she hadn’t miraculously turned into a pile of goop in front of the heavy woman before her. Barely louder than a whisper, she replied: “Hot.” “Louder.” “I thought it was hot.” Strahm kept her eyes moving, anything so as not to stare blankly at Hoffman’s chest. “What was?” “The idea of you throwing a man over your shoulder, in your state. A big bulky girl like you…” Strahm could feel a nosebleed starting and “You’re right, it is hot. And I’m not a girl, I’m a woman.” The hot air from her mouth sliding across the skin of Petra’s neck. Petra shivered in her seat, forcing her hands to dig into the fabric of the arm of the chair as she tried to keep herself calm and even-headed. Maureen lifted her tempting chest away from Petra with a mischievous little smile on her face. Strahm tucked her legs one underneath the other around the bottom of the chair and locked her knees. Maureen’s hands worked their way to her back and massaged herself as she stood upright. “That was a lot to make me go through, in my condition.”

“I thought you said you weren’t a fucking flower.” Strahm spit back “I’m not, but you’d better make up for this. You free tonight?” “Do I have a choice?” “You always have a choice, Agent. Make it.” “Yeah, I’m free.” Strahm switched the order of her legs to keep from fidgeting with her fingers “Good. I’ll drive you to my place tonight.” Maureen turned on the back of her heels out of the room and walked towards her office. Strahm sat still in her chair for a moment before realizing she needed to be looking at something before Lindsay came back with coffee. She unhooked her leg, and reached for the briefcase before realizing what a number Hoffman did to her. She brushed up against Lindsay as she returned with a drink for the both of them and Strahm made a beeline to the bathroom. --- “Is Nancy Drew still here?” Maureen entered Strahm’s office space, her jacket slung over her shoulder like she was a mob boss. Without the stupid garment, Strahm got a generous view of the suspenders that were probably functionally useless as the wide woman grew from her pregnancy. “Don’t call Perez that, she’s a damn good agent.” Strahm snapped back “Touched a nerve, did I?” Maureen smirked. “I’m done for the day, if you want to hurry it up and join me.” “I’m almost done.” Strahm flipped through her laptop and checked her emails one last time. Maureen’s foot hit the floor with a slight patter as she waited for the other woman to tie up her loose ends for the day. “It can’t take you that long to be ‘almost’ done.” Hoffman glared at her “What, you got a hot date with the baby daddy after you’re done screwing me for the night?” Strahm retorted

“You’re keeping me from what I want, Agent. And I always get what I want, when I want it.” Maureen bared her teeth, placing her palms flat on either side of the laptop. Strahm didn’t bother logging off the device, only shut the cover and grabbed her briefcase from below her. “Good. About time.” “Shut it.” Strahm replied as she fixed the collar of her dress shirt. Hoffman lead the agent to her car and slammed the door on Strahm’s side once she slid into the passenger’s seat. She buckled herself in, making a show of the way the material had to stretch around her stomach. “Gonna need a fucking extender if that bump grows anymore.” “You’d like to see that, wouldn’t you?” Maureen smiled down at her baby bump as she teased Strahm. Strahm crossed her legs in the other seat before saying, “Just drive us to your place.” She covered her beet red face the best she could behind the palm of her hand. Hoffman reached an arm around the back of Strahm’s head rest as she put the vehicle into reverse, pulling out of the station before driving around town. She turned the radio on when they were stopped at a particularly long red light and hummed along to some pop song. Strahm couldn’t help herself from looking at the way her lips curved as her mouth made ‘oohs’ and ‘you’s, the velvet lipstick accentuating her ‘ahhs’ as her hums turned to singing. Strahm pursed her lips as she watched, leaning in closer to the siren’s call from Hoffman. As she was about to kiss Hoffman’s cheek, Hoffman stopped the car. It jerked Strahm a bit forward and she stayed in her seat until Hoffman came around the other side of the car to get the door for her. She followed behind the detective once more as the woman rummaged through her purse to find her house keys. On a separate clip from her car keys, she pulled the keys from her bag and unlocked the door.

“Make yourself comfortable, Agent.” She slipped her flats off by the door and dropped her things across the living room as she made a line straight for the kitchen. Strahm sat in the armchair closest to the door, leaving her jacket on top of Maureen’s. She rested her head against her fists and spread her legs as far as they would go comfortably in the leather chair. Her leg started bouncing underneath her, and rather than try to force it down she just let it go until the urge to vibrate died on its own. Maureen came back with two plates of food, one with a slightly bigger portion that she put in front of her spot on the couch and put the other before Petra. While it was a friendly gesture, Maureen told Petra “Eat.” in a tone that sounded more like a command. Petra nodded and picked over the broccoli with her fork, going for the salmon piece at the center of her plate. She went back to the vegetables when it was clear that Maureen was watching her and begrudgingly ate the damn broccoli even though it was actually cooked fine. Almost as if to reward Strahm, Maureen took the straining buttons on her dress shirt and popped them open, showing off her ample chest. Strahm tucked her legs closer together and shoveled the rest of her food into her mouth before she said something even more stupid than before. With a heavy sigh, Maureen loosened her updo and let the almost raven brown hair fall onto her shoulders like a waterfall. Strahm’s hair was messy, full of split ends… what she wouldn’t give to run her fingers through the soft locks. Her heart was practically projecting through the whole house, or so it seemed to her. She felt her pulse pounding in her wrist as her hand wearily reached up to her own hair and ran her fingers through it to ‘fix’ it. “Come here.” Maureen was tired of the cat and mouse game the other woman was playing with her. Strahm felt her words pull her from her spot and before her at the couch. She didn’t think she was that desperate a woman until Hoffman’s hand wrapped around her shoulder and gently guided her down to the floor, resting on her knees before the pregnant woman. “The things I could do to you, Agent.” “Like what?” Strahm asked. Hoffman tisked, realizing that despite all her gruff and loud barks she really didn’t have any bite. “Let’s start off easy on you. God knows it already looks like you’re going to pass out from just looking at me.” She pulled her back up so that Strahm could sit behind her on the couch. She leaned back into Strahm and draped her hair over the other woman’s shoulders. Strahm carefully pressed her lips onto the crown of Hoffman’s head, who responded in kind with a satisfied purr. Her hands hovered over the space of the detective before resting them against Hoffman’s back. “Good girl, keep going”. Strahm hands slid down Hoffman’s back before resting in the space just above her ass, kneading into the tense muscles as Maureen lifted her feet up from off the floor. Strahm jammed her knuckles slowly into the soft fat that sat on the woman’s hips and worked her joints deeper into Maureen’s muscle. She carefully snaked a hand around the front of Maureen’s body and rested it under the baby bump before tracing a finger over the stretch marks that were created from Maureen’s gift of life. Maureen’s eyes were shut tight as Strahm spoiled her but every once in a while Strahm would extract a mewl from the mother to-be that was like music to her ears. Her hand slunk its way back to just under Hoffman’s shoulder blades and worked out the tension from the center of her back. “You’re such a good girl when you have something you want dangling in front of you… almost like a dog.”

“You’re a dog,” Strahm bit back, “A bitch even.” “That’s not very nice.” Hoffman didn’t even open her eyes as she gently scolded Petra. “I might look like a bitch in heat, but that doesn’t mean just anyone can say it. If you were my subordinate, I’d give you paperwork duty for a month for saying that.” “Spare me.” Strahm rolled her eyes “And you’ve been behaving so well up until now. Did I hit a sore spot, Agent?” She feigned naivety. “Do you want to breed me, huh?” “I…” Strahm started to stammer “Oh, dear.” Maureen opened her eyes and pursed her lips, “Darling, has that been your goal this whole time?” “I-No I mean…” “Why didn’t you just say so?” She guided Strahm’s hand in between her legs and pressed her thighs together, “Follow my instructions carefully.” “And then what?” “Then you’ll get what you came here for.” “Fine.” Strahm looked away from the woman “Go upstairs. My room is the first room on the right next to the stairs. On the opposite side of the door is my bed and next to that is my vanity. In my drawers get out…” “Okay, I get it.” Strahm walked off and went to find Hoffman’s room. She lugged herself up the stairs and went into the bedroom. The bed was made up perfectly and Strahm found herself gravitating to the silk sheets, sitting down on the over-sized mattress for one woman. She ran a hand over the comforter before getting back up and pilfering through Hoffman’s drawers. Without a doubt the toy that Hoffman wanted was there, and Strahm brought it back down to the detective. “Don’t act like you’ve never seen a dildo before, love.” Hoffman uncrossed her legs as Strahm approached her with the toy in hand. “It’s just so… pink.” Strahm looked at it for a moment before sitting down next to Hoffman. Hoffman leaned into her partner and covered her lips in kisses of varying lengths. The first couple were like a puppy lapping at Strahm’s face before Maureen’s teeth came down and tugged on the inside of her lips. Strahm dropped the toy onto the couch as she let out a moan. She pulled away for a second to throw the thing onto the coffee table before going back to making out with the woman in front of her. She wrapped her arms around Maureen, grabbing at her ass while their kisses turned into sloppy mashes rather than something coherent. “I need you.”

“Then take me.” Maureen purred into Strahm’s ear, backing off her slowly. Strahm swallowed back the fear sitting in her throat and tugged at the hem of Hoffman’s maternity pants. Even her underwear was stupid sexy… or at least stupid sexy to a woman in a very long dry spell. Maureen seemed aware that Strahm was distracted by something, so helped the other woman slide everything off her thick hips, past her generous thighs and onto the floor. Petra worked the buttons open off Hoffman’s shirt as her lips connected back to Maureen’s neck. Without looking up, she unhooked the back of Hoffman’s bra. The fat spilled out from the garment and Petra moved her mouth further south, sucking on the skin. Hoffman wrapped her fingers through Strahm’s hair and forced her head down further so that Petra would suck on her nipple. They both moaned as Strahm licked at the overly tender skin. “Oh, honey.” “Honey?” Strahm pulled her mouth away, eliciting a whine from Hoffman. Her hand slid under Hoffman’s tit and massaged her. “Yes, honey. Do I need to say it again?” “Eh, one more time can’t hurt.” Strahm shrugged, resulting in the most deadpan stare from Maureen. Strahm nervously hovered over the other woman for a second after the gaff before undoing her shirt and showing Hoffman a little more. “So pretty.” Hoffman leaned back into her, “I could devour you.” “I’d like to see you try.” “There’s my confident girl again.” Hoffman titled Strahm’s head up by her chin, “Now. Make me yours, love.” “Fine. Fine. How do you want to do this?” Strahm grabbed the toy and coated it generously in lube. Hoffman got onto her knees and leaned forward with her ass sticking up in Strahm’s face, “Guess you didn’t need to think much about that.” “No. Just been thinking about it all day since I saw you at the crime scene this morning.” Hoffman shot back at her. Before she knew it, she felt Petra slid the toy into her slowly. Hoffman bucked her hips up into Strahm’s hand, taking the agent by surprise. She wrapped her free hand around the inside of Hoffman’s thigh before slowly thrusting the dildo into her partner. Hoffman’s fist pulled on the fabric of the couch cushions underneath her as she backed up into Strahm once more. “I lied earlier.” Strahm said, adjusting herself so she could be over Hoffman completely. “You’re not a bitch in heat.” “Yeah?” Hoffman bit down on her own lip, “What am I then?” “You’re a fucking heifer.” Strahm’s words curled over the edge of Hoffman’s ear and sat in her mind for a moment. “Everything about you is fucking gigantic. Your chest… your stomach… On your knees like this you look just like a fucking cow. How much bigger are you going to get before you deliver your calf, huh?” “F-Fuck…” Hoffman stuttered as she kept riding on the toy in Petra’s hand. Petra’s hand moved from in between Hoffman’s thigh and up her stomach, stopping for a moment over the baby bump. After running her hands over it in a circular motion, she clutched one of Maureen’s boobs in the palm of her hand. She gave it a light squeeze and Maureen shoved her head into the fabric of the couch, suppressing her moan. Her legs shook ever so slightly and Strahm pulled the toy out before tossing it to the side and pressing two fingers onto Hoffman’s wet clit. She rubbed at the muscle for a couple of seconds before Hoffman’s legs gave out from under her. Her whole body twitched as she came with the help of Strahm. She balled up her fists and hit the couch until she was satisfied. She would’ve happily fallen asleep face first in the fabric were it not for Strahm’s help in repositioning her onto her back. She took Strahm’s hand and placed it in the space between her boobs, just over her heart. She looked up at her with eyes that asked for more from the other woman as her hair splayed across the pillow like raindrops ebbing along glass. Strahm leaned into Hoffman and pressed her lips onto her cheek, trailing her hand up just a little higher to rest just below where Maureen’s neck started.

Hoffman scooched over to allow for some room at her side, patting the space. Strahm laid on her side and wrapped an arm over Hoffman’s center, curling around the space heater of a woman. Hoffman pulled a blanket over Strahm and ran the back of her hand over Petra’s cheek. “Sleepy?” She asked “Yeah. Just a little.” Strahm replied, stretching out a little under the blanket. Maureen kissed her forehead and Petra returned it with her lips on Maureen’s. Maureen looked down at herself with a subtle smile before saying, “I’ve never been this happy with someone… You just feel right with me, Agent.” “Petra.” Strahm corrected her, “I think we’re past the point of titles.” “Alright, Petra…” Hoffman used her name cautiously, expecting some kind of scoff or a pull back from the FBI agent. “Like I said… something about you and I feels right. Don’t you agree?” “Yeah.” Strahm replied stoically, “I’ve never been with a woman…” Her thought trailed off “A woman like me?” Hoffman tried finishing it for her “No…” Strahm bit the inside of her cheek “Oh.” Maureen’s lip curled at the ends and she wrapped her arms carefully around Strahm. A hand rested on Strahm’s neck, nearly covering every inch. Strahm shivered slightly at the sheer size of the other woman’s hand, and Hoffman smiled back at her. It was a bit more devious this time, but Strahm couldn’t put her finger on why. “You’d look beautiful in a white dress.”

“I…” Strahm’s brain proceeded to force restart over and over as she thought about what Maureen had just said. “We could probably get hitched in Atlantic City, if we’re feeling real crazy.” She said it to diffuse any tension that was there between them, but did almost fear that Maureen would take her up on her offer. Not that she’d mind. Maureen Strahm had a nice ring to it after all. Her face must’ve been bright red because Maureen took her hand off the small of her neck and moved it to the center of her back instead. “I’d rather we go somewhere nicer.” Hoffman ran her other hand along the front of Strahm’s chest. “Plus we could take the babies with us.” “… Babies?” “Oh, you didn’t think I was this big for one baby did you, Agent?” Hoffman smirked “Yeah… I kind of thought you were.” “No. It’s twins.” Maureen kissed her “You’re lucky you’re so… hot.” Strahm fumbled with her words while she tried to wrap her head around the fact that she had gotten a girlfriend, and two children in a day. “I know, love.” Hoffman ran her fingers through Petra’s hair before telling her, “Sleep.” “Fine. Good night.” “Good night.” Maureen kept stroking the back of Strahm’s head until her partner was out. “You’ll be the perfect mother to my children… And I’ll have my happy little family.”

[whooiew]

Hallo, I just woke up, my phone exploded with notifications

I'm happy that y'all liked the Kafka birthday art though! And thanks for wishing her a happy birthday! I wanted to express a sense of freedom with this one, since we've seen several glimpses of Kafka longing for a peaceful and free life, so I decided to draw her that, even though some people were expecting another bird yuri post.

This year's Kafka Day was much better than last year's where I saw literally no one but me who even talked about it, but this year I saw at least ONE person remember her birthday! We're making progress!

But yeah, thanks for wishing Kafka a happy birthday

Here's some silly notifs that I saw

Apparently I have my own brand of Kafkas now lmao, which makes sense, I never really felt like she looked like ingame Kafka the more that I drew her

And lmao, I've cermented the thought of Hoodie Kafka into someone's brain

But fun fact actually, she's worn a hoodie before ingame! Atleast it looks like a hoodie, this was Kafka's design back in the beta

But yeah she 100% radiates hoodie energy

[onyxedskies]

ooo please tell me about savina!!!!!

AH OK

so

i made her when i was like 13 so i have a ton of lore for her so this might take a moment to sort out

she’s ingrid’s cousin on her dad’s side, making her a lady in some fairly small capacity. however, she was the second crestless child of a second crestless child, so her role as nobility is greatly diminished. she knew that, but she still wanted to make a difference to the common people; so, with her 15 year old brain, she decided that running away around the same time glenn became a knight to become a mercenary was the perfect way to help her people, as she sent the vast majority of her funds back to galatea territory in one way or another under a pseudonym.

and then she got hired by lord arundel.

she wasn’t told the nature of the job until she arrived. she was told to go to duscur to kill a “corrupt knight”—she knew there were plenty of those, so she didn’t question it until she actually arrived at duscur in the midst of the tragedy. she saw glenn shoving little dimitri into gilbert’s arms before running back into the chaos, and so she followed him. i have two ideas of how her story goes, one where she saves him and another where she doesn’t, but i’ve been thinking about him lately so we’ll go with the one where she does.

she manages to pull him out of the fire and heal him with the concoctions she had on hand and the minimally-better-than-elementary understanding of healing magic she had, but he was still incredibly wounded and, when he woke up, was missing his memory, not recognizing her or any of the things she tried to do to fix his amnesia. as he healed, it became clear he retained his sword prowess, and so he joined her in her mercenary endeavors until they eventually met the savage mockingbird on a job in adrestia around a year and a half after the tragedy.

they kept meeting the savage mockingbird, who eventually joined up with them. he disappeared for a while, eventually joining them again and leading them to abyss to set up home base there. he introduced himself as yuri, and savina introduced herself by name instead of the nickname “black sky”, which she had received for her use of thunder magic.

i am running out of time cause i have to get ready for an event but yuri and savina do eventually date and are an established relationship by the time canon starts. however, she and glenn are on a mission regarding their eventual goal of revealing arundel for his part in the tragedy, and thus do not meet the students and all them between chapters 4 and 5 when the dlc actually occurs. instead, they are met in chapter 10 (i think it’s 10), where savina stops kronya from killing jeralt.

i might be writing a fic about her i haven’t decided yet we shall see hehe

[rontra]

hey just tellinh you i really admire your art and comics and writing too the willow/raven stuff, the ad astra stuff, the persona failwoman teacher yuri, you have an amazing imagination/creativity ability and skill and also the ability to properly convey it to art and words, its really good, youre very skilled and admire that a lot

augh this is so sweet... thank you anon!!!!! sampling my various brain fungus patches 😭🥺

i woke up to this now im like time to get out of bed and draw HAHSHBS lets fucking goooo

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

I hate it when people draw characters with WAY darker skin than they really have... like, there's a particular fandom that I'm in, where the main character is played by a mixed race actor with pretty light skin, and people draw him the color of chocolate all the time. Nothing wrong with that skin color, of course, but isn't it kinda racist to look at a guy and say "ok, he's not white so he's gotta be BROWN" to the point where it doesn't even look like the actor? Is the real life person just not brown enough? I dunno, it just weirds me out.

I wonder if it comes from a place of fan artists not feeling confident about their abilities to draw distinctive facial features. So they worry that the accurate skin tone will cause people to accuse them of "whitewashing". 🙁 I get that, if so. It's just a shame that fan communities can be so awful.

THANK YOU!

I read a lot of Yuri on Ice fanfic and it always drives me up the wall when writers describe Yuuri as having darker skin than Victor. Look at these two

They have the exact same skin color. You'd have to go into photoshop and search around with the color picker to find a different shade on their faces.

It's like they can't admit that Japanese people can have pale skin because in their woke brains everyone is separated into White People--Evil, Bad, Pale Devils, and People of Color--Oppressed, Dark Skinned, Perfect. And when they're confronted with a "POC" that has light skin, they can't handle it.

(these are the same people who though Chris Pratt tanning for Jurassic World was him trying to "look black", so we're not dealing with a lot of brainpower here)

I do think a lot of what you're talking about comes from being scared of being accused of whitewashing, because fandoms are super toxic about any character appearing even a shade lighter than they're supposed to be. But I also think at least some of it comes from people not being able to deal with the fact that sometimes non-white people have pale skin. Especially when the characters are animated. They see darkening the skin as "correcting" or "fixing" the character. It's super racist, and really exposes how much dark skin is almost fetish-like for them.

And honestly, when it's a real mixed race actor? It's doubly shitty. Mixed race people deal with a lot of stigma from within their communities and without. "Too black for the whites, too white for the blacks" is a common sentiment among Americans with mixed racial heritage. For fandoms, who love to act like they're super "anti-racist" and "allies", darkening a real person's skin in their fan art shows that they don't even know what racism is. It's just the sad state of modern fandom.

Thankfully, most medium to large fandoms seem to have groups that aren't like this, and they're usually not that hard to find.