#and with all my researching i guess i am learning like i definitely know more than i did a year ago.

[lesbiangiratina]

i was wondering if you would ever be interested in making guilty gear fanslations because you seem to know japanese. no pressure im just curious or perhaps nosy

Nahhhhhhh i dont claim to know more than a relatively little amount i just get curious about stuff so i end up Researching often lol. Like machine translating stuff to get a general gist then checking out certain words and phrases in dictionaries and stuff. Jisho and wiktionary i love you. Also being friends with actual translators helps i can bug them with questions if i get desperate . Heart

[algae-tm]

PEOPLE, PLACES, THINGS

Max Verstappen x anthropologist! Reader

Author’s note : this smau has a special place in my heart, if you haven’t noticed I’m not Caucasian, but was born and raised in Nigeria and a lot of my university life has been centred around studies of the black diaspora. My masters research is on homosexuality and Afro-syncretic religions, so have been trying to figure out how to incorporate it so thought I’d go full send and thus this was borne.

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peopleplacesthings just posted

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peopleplacesthings: I spent three years (give or take) with the people of the Bahia state in Brasil, researching the afro-syncretic religion of Candomblé. My research paper on the gender roles within Candomblé (how men express masculinity, and the role of women as spiritual leaders) will be published online where everyone will be able to access it. Can’t wait to see where the world takes me next!! 🌎🇧🇷

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yourbsfuser: y/n baby I love you and your big brain, but please take a sabbatical 😭. stay in the UK for a while.

— peopleplacesthings: what’s in it for me? 🤨

— yourbsfuser: seeing your family and friends???

— peopleplacesthings: sorry gotta blast, the world is waiting 🏃🏿‍♀️

user10: your masters research on the linguistic appropriation of AAVE was vital for me completing my dissertation! Thank you so much

— peopleplacesthings: passing down knowledge is the key to preserving culture! I love when I get comments like this, well done my love.

lewishamilton: so you’re free now?

— peopleplacesthings: until my next adventure

— lewishamilton: good to know

— user10: not SIR LEWIS HAMILTON in my old TA’s comment section

— user7: IK 😭 she was a guest lecturer at my uni like one month ago! Really my two worlds colliding 😭😭

— user8: how do they know eachother???

— user9: I’m guessing they must have met one of the times Lewis was in Brazil??

— peopleplacesthings: he is my cousin! he’s much older and way less attractive than me so that’s probs why you couldn’t see the family resemblance🙂🙂

yoursisteruser: 2 back to back research papers… you could use a break from work

— peopleplacesthings: it’s not work if you love what you do 🤗🤗

— user17: 2 research papers??? How old is she?

— user19: she’s actually done 3! One for her masters which was only 15,000 words and then 2 more, her 2nd was for her PhD and she’s published her last two as books. She’s 28 if I’m not mistaken. I’m not a stalker just obsessed with her work!

— user17: oh so she’s SMART smart

— user19: bro she’s DOCTORATE OF ANTHROPOLOGY smart

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peopleplacesthings just posted

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peopleplacesthings: I can check getting papped reading in the park off my bucket list… maybe I should start a book club! Anyways everything is a learning opportunity so I am currently reading Nervous Conditions by Tsitsi Dangarembga. Don’t be so surprised that I read fiction! Nervous Conditions is a valuable case study in cultural anthropology due to its rich exploration of themes related to post-colonial identity, gender, and cultural conflict. If you take my post-colonial anthropology module in September, this will definitely be on the further reading list. Come read with me! 📚 📚

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user1: are we sure this is the woman max is dating…

— user3: I was just wondering that, so out of left field 😭 😭

— user4: I mean what do they even have to talk about? She just lectures him all day?

lewishamilton: how can I take your class if I’m not enrolled in the university?? 🤨🤨

— peopleplacesthings: you can’t! Hope this helps

— user5: jeez she’s so rude…

— user9: who does she think she is????

— peopleplacesthings: Dr. Y/n Y/ln that’s who I know I am

user11: so is anthropology all she talks about, or does she have hobbies…

— peopleplacesthings: I happen to think my field of anthropology; the study of societies, people and culture, is quite interesting. But no I am a person I contain multitudes anthropology is not all I talk about.

user6: not y’all invalidating a woman with a literal doctorate just because she MIGHT be dating your fav… pls touch grass

— user13: that’s what I’m saying! If anything she’s WAY out of Max’s league, hasn’t he only ever read like 2 books?? (liked by danielricciardo)

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peopleplacesthings just posted

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peopleplacesthings: We DTR’ed!!

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lewishamilton: DTR?

— peopleplacesthings: Define the Relationship apparently

— lewishamilton: my how the tables have turned, miss I don’t date drivers.

— peopleplacesthings: DR* I don’t date drivers. And what can I say my commitment issues are no match for Max Verstappen

danielricciardo: you’re welcome!

— user4: what could you possible have done

— danielricciardo: I told max to grow some balls that’s what! I’m the architect of this relationship

— peopleplacesthings: you and Lewis can fight over that title

maxverstappen1: WE DTR’ED!!!!

— peopleplacesthings: hell yeah we did!

maxverstappen1: I love you schat ❤️💙

— peopleplacesthings: 🥹 I love you too

you doofus

maxverstappen1 just posted

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maxverstappen1: Did it hurt when you fell from your culture’s dogmatic view of an afterlife?

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peopleplacesthings: I think that’s the sexiest thing anyone has ever said to me

— maxverstappen1: there’s more where that came from

— peopleplacesthings: oh shucks not in public maxie

— danielricciardo: this is the weirdest foreplay I’ve ever witnessed

user14: how did a man that drives in circles manage to bag my anthro professor??

— user16: shouldn’t that be the other way round???

— user14: if you ever attended one of her lectures and saw her in action you would know the answer to that question is absolutely not (liked by maxverstappen1)

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@dontworryaboutitokie 

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[alphajocklover]

Hey- I'm one of the presidents of our university's honor fraternity. And its great, don't get me wrong or anything. But we're essentially just a group of skinny white nerds and calling us a "fraternity" is a bit of a stretch. I was hoping to try and use your app to give some of the members a real "frat" experience, especially since its summer now. I thought I'd just test it on me and the other members of our frat's leadership, just to make sure its safe. But I'm having a hard time setting reversal parameters and I'm unable to stop this stupid countdown. Any help please?

You know, for a self proclaimed nerd, you really didn’t do a lot of research. I know that InstaJock is mysterious and not very well known, but what I mentioned in my previous posts should have been enough for you to figure out a few of the issues with your idea. Just to clarify though, let’s go down the list of issues

InstaJock can only be used on one person at a time: the person currently using the phone to set up a profile. The only person you’re about to turn into a Jock is yourself, though I imagine the rest of your frat leaders will get the app too, after you send it to them.

InstaJock is not ‘my app.’ I report on it, and I know a lot more about it than most people, but I didn’t make it. I’m not sure anyone knows who did. If you’re looking for inside information about the app, you’re out of luck.

Reversal Parameters. The app doesn’t have those.

Yes you read that last one correctly. One of the first things most people learn about InstaJock is that it’s irreversible. Sure you can change something about yourself after the fact using the settings, but you can never go back to being the nerd you were. I don’t know where you got your information about this app, but I think someone has been trying to trick you into turning yourself into a jock. I can almost prove it too. See, another basic rule of the app is that InstaJock is, well, instant. There is no flash or growth spurt on anything. One moment you’re a nerd, the next you’re a dumb muscular jock. There shouldn’t be a countdown. Not unless… someone added it to your phone for a specific reason.

Someone wants to watch you squirm, watch you panic as you realize there’s no hope and that you’re definitely going to turn into a dumb jock, and probably drag your entire frat along with you. It might be another person in your frat who thought the app was just a joke and never expected you to find a real version of it, or a jock who wanted to take you and your frat down a peg and turn you guys into proper frat bros. But whoever it is, they’ve got you good. I’m sorry but there isn’t any way out of this. If you’re lucky you might be able to alter the settings a bit, but I imagine whoever did this to you already thought of that. As soon as that countdown ends, you’ll be a jock.

I am really confused as to who did this to you though. For it to be one person, that person would have to be a jock who had access to InstaJock and could invite you, but also would have to be smart enough to plan this all out and close enough to you to gain access to your phone. That could only be a few people. Maybe one of the mysterious app developers knows you personally?

I guess it doesn’t really matter to you now. Hope you enjoy being a beer drinking, muscle flexing, popular and sexy frat bro. I hope the rest of your frat likes it too.

[manicpixiedreamedwins]

Alright. I've been talking about writing a meta about Charles and jealousy for a while, so here it is. It's a mess. I tried to make it more concise than it was, if you can believe that.

Be forewarned, below the cut we'll be diving into some canon compliant content like Charles' home life. Please, please, please note that now is the time to leave if you are not in a good space to read about those.

Okay. First I want to establish a few things before I get to analyzing the scenes, because I think it is important that we have empathy for Charles here. This might be a bit of a long preamble, but if you could stay with me I'd appreciate it. I promise I am going somewhere with all of this.

I think a lot of us have been told, perhaps by a parent or a friend, that jealousy is unbecoming or bad. Think about it. I know growing up that is a message I heard frequently even though I saw adults exhibit it. This was actually pretty confusing to try and work out. Anyway, now with this almost puritanical obsession with good pure and healthy relationships in media, it's gotten worse. We're told any human flaw we have is something we have to fix or we are not deserving of love. Yes, including jealousy.

Only if that's the case, Charles is fighting uphill here. Here's why:

For reference 41:30 -42:00 in episode 4 is the flashback that The Night Nurse shows Charles of his home. If we unpack this we can learn a lot of things, but there are two that I would like two draw your attention to today:

Charles' dad clearly isn't someone Charles could form a secure attachment to. He seems to only be acknowledging Charles when he's angry, and only acknowledging him in a very violent manner. He's also not really communicating with him, and expecting Charles to know what he's upset about I guess? Truly, this man is terrifying. He knows his family is afraid of him, and he knows they'll scramble to try and fix whatever his issue is.

Charles' mom doesn't intervene. Now, I do not want to hear any vile junk in my notes. She's a battered woman and has probably been in the same position that Charles has, considering Charles himself is worried about her once he is dead. He's worried enough that he checks in on her every week. It makes it all the more heartbreaking that Charles is the one who has taken it upon himself to try and "make it better" (although this is not uncommon among kids who grow up in abusive households, alarmingly).

It definitely drives home that there is a clear hierarchy in the home (everyone tries to please the most volatile person), and you're at the bottom of the pyramid. Even if it's just because you and everyone else in the household is too terrified to do anything about the most abusive person's behavior, you still feel the weight of never being put first. You will never be put first, because how could you be? "You never made it better than you died" (via The Night Nurse) holds a crushing amount of meaning here.

Alright. Now we have established that Charles had some messed up stuff happen at home. Let's take that a step further. Adverse childhood experiences can lead to a variety of attachment styles that are not secure and... you guessed it, jealousy can get thrown in the mix. (This link leads to an abstract of a very interesting research article. If you request the full test directly from the researcher they will provide it for free, but it takes time. The basic idea here is that if kids aren’t able to form secure attachments to their parents, then they will struggle to feel secure in their relationships as they grow up. Sometimes that can manifest as jealousy).

Still with me after all of that? You are god's strongest soldier, lmao. Now let's get into the good stuff.

Charles dies, but there in the attic he meets Edwin. Charles chooses Edwin over the blue light without a second thought. He comforted him when he was dying, and that tenderness is foreign for Charles. The choice is an easy one.

He enjoyed it, and he enjoys Edwin. Edwin, in turn, turns out to be is someone who unequivocally, continuously, puts Charles first. He also does something really important- Charles seeks reassurance, and Edwin gives it ("You ever think, what if Death did catch us? She'd force us to go to the afterlife and split up" Charles asks. "I will make sure that never happens" Edwin answers, all while they're hanging on the side of their office). This is one of the first things we learn about them in the pilot. Charles knows he can count on Edwin. This wasn't something he had from anyone in life.

So things go fine for Charles for a long while. Edwin hasn't given him any reason to feel insecure in all that time it seems. He’s done a great job making Charles feel safe. Charles even feels secure enough that it is his idea to try and integrate Crystal into the agency, although Edwin clearly hates it. Crystal isn’t a threat to his friendship with Edwin, so it would appear Charles still feels reasonably secure in their relationship at this point.

Charles even explains or excuses a lot of Edwin's reactions to try and smooth things over. He tries to mediate between them during their first plan to rescue Becky from Esther's house the best he can. He allows Edwin to have a leg of the case with just the two of them, but he tries to frame it as protecting Crystal.

But then it's Edwin's turn to shake up the foundation that their relationship is built on.

Edwin had a lot of issues to attend to this season, and he tried to deal with most of them alone. Most of the problems Edwin had to handle put definite distance between him and Charles- how couldn't they? He was being hit on, which was a very new experience for him. He probably didn't even know how to talk about that at first, as evidenced by his description of the CK speaking closely to his ear (oh sweet summer child). He also learned about his feelings for the first time, which Monty had to finish spelling out for him.

This all, however, is where we see a shift in the dynamic. It's significant.

Edwin uses magic on a cat and has to go and meet with the Cat King. Whoops. 🙃 Charles slides easily into his role as a protector, but… Edwin stops him.

Honestly, Edwin had a good reason to do this. He pointed out that cat scratches can cause serious harm to ghosts, and they were surrounded. As endearing as this was, this wouldn’t have been an easy fight. They can just talk this out, right? He gets whisked away for a few minutes to do that (and then winds up opening a bigger can of worms).

From Charles’ perspective though, Edwin doesn’t allow him to help him, and then vanishes for a long period of time. Then he absolutely won’t tell him anything about it when he does come back. Charles knew Edwin was a little mad at him in the pilot, but they were still communicating for the most part. The secrecy is a shift, and it’s not one he’s coping well with. He tries a few different ways to reconnect.

First he tries gentle. He just asks what happened from a place of concern. This might have worked actually, only I’m not even sure Edwin knows how to fully describe what happened during their encounter. He rushes through a description, and Charles still feels like something is missing. He doesn’t like that someone else has a secret with Edwin— for thirty years they’ve been connected. This feels frightening to him, and Edwin doesn’t seem particularly worried that they’re not on the same page.

He tries to pick the conversation back up later when they’re searching for the dandelion shrine, but Edwin doesn’t give any additional information. So he slides back into his role of being a protector again and defends him against the ambient skeletons, because at least he can protect him from that easily. For a moment, things almost seem normal again, but this resurfaces in a later case.

Edwin meets with CK again in episode 4. Charles is still raw after the events of the Devlin House, and now he’s just pissed. He’s hurting, and Edwin is still keeping this weird secret. They end up bickering back and forth. The bickering tells us something interesting about Charles’ concerns.

Charles: What did he want? He didn't whisk you away again? Got that bracelet off?

Edwin: I'd be back at the office right now if the bracelet was off. He wanted to know if I counted the cats, and my guess was unsatisfactory.

Charles: Thinks he can come and go... He can't show up in the middle of cases. Did you tell him that?

Edwin: Matter of fact, I did.

Charles: Can't believe you didn't tell us. I've had enough of secrets about that wankеr.

Edwin: Why are you getting so angry?

What stands out to me here is Charles is upset about a few things: he hates that Edwin is getting taken away from him by a being they can’t control (a logical fear, considering they’re running from death together). He hates that this is happening in the middle of case time that is supposed to be for him and Edwin (and their friends, who Charles trusts). He is still really upset that Edwin has a secret with someone else (I really don’t think he’d be bothered if the secret was with him).

That’s why he’s upset. Charles isn’t feeling secure. He doesn’t feel like their relationship is on good footing right now. Whether or not he knows how to phrase that or ask for support is a different question.

Onto Monty (sorry these are a bit out of order— I put them by character for this part).

Charles wasn’t aware of Monty. This probably already bothered him a little, considering the mystery surrounding the cat king, but he tried to be a good sport. Monty wasn’t outwardly threatening. He came with gifts. He seemed friendly. Charles tried to match that… only to get snubbed. Ouch.

Charles likes to claim he’s aces with other people, but he ultimately died because his friends turned on him and killed him the second he stood up for what was important to him. I think peer relationships are a particularly sticky situation for him. I think he knew how to fit in the same way he knew how not to rock the boat in a volatile home. With Edwin it was different though— Edwin just liked him. Edwin was special.

But of course yet another boy their age doesn’t like him (probably a little upsetting, considering how he died). The only thing that’s confusing to him here is he didn’t really do anything wrong— he was polite. He followed along with all the little niceties people do, even when they don’t want to. Maybe this wouldn’t have bothered him so much in another situation, but now Edwin is wrapped up with him instead of Charles. He's picked him instead (in Charles' mind).

He can’t even shake this when Monty isn’t there.

Charles tries to get Edwin's attention... and fails. so he begins to have a conversation with himself. Perhaps he was trying to make Edwin laugh. Perhaps he was trying something over the top. Still, he fails. Ultimately, he goes the broken record route and asks him the same question a couple of times.

This moment probably really hurt- there's actually no reason for Edwin to be ignoring him, in Charles' mind anyway. They're alone together. Usually they'd be talking or bantering or at least Charles would be able to get Edwin's attention. It's just that he can't, because now Edwin is stuck on that fucking book from that fucking bloke who blew him off earlier.

This was probably a little activating for Charles. Even if he didn't completely put together why it upset him, Edwin putting someone who just treated him poorly right in front of his face first is a dim reflection of what he went through in his home. Now, I am not saying Monty is anywhere near that level of bad- he's a literal cream puff. He could not kill them when his life depended on it.

What I am saying, though, that Charles perceives a subtle threat here. He's also not sure what to do with it, because he never overcame that hurtle in life. No one else ever put him first, and he never figured out how to fix that. Edwin kind of just centered Charles automatically when they met. Now he's not doing that anymore and it’s jarring and uncomfortable for him. He’s feeling this loss of stability, on top of the fact that Edwin still won’t tell him what’s going on with the CK.

"...try not to forget that we're trying to leave" is what Charles comes up with after that exchange. Edwin makes an attempt to console him finally and offers to talk, but Charles shuts it down and tells him it's that he wants to leave town. They start on a case after that.

(Note that I did this a little out of order for organization’s sake— some of their CK arguing happened during the case they went on next).

Charles does finally catch a break here. In spite of all of this, he’s missing something very important: Edwin has feelings for him. That’s probably the most pressing issue that’s gone unspoken between them.

So Edwin dresses nicely, catches Charles attention, and finally tries to initiate a conversation. Charles seems relieved.

He does assume Edwin is just trying to come out by telling him about his time with Monty, before the teethface incident. Charles isn’t bothered, since Monty isn’t really in the picture anymore as far as he’s concerned. Things are fine, it’s just the two of them again and Edwin likes boys. Wait…

... Fuck. Forgot about the Cat King.

He resorts to threatening the CK. I know lots of people have lots of different theories on this, but consider this perspective also: Monty is no longer a threat. He’s abstract. He’s a memory. The Cat King is still very real and is a thing that can come between them, has done so, and has successfully taken Edwin from him. And as accepting as Charles was trying to be in that moment, he just can't handle that (from the perspective of this meta).

Anyway, this is all interrupted by their foray into hell. Charles does rescue Edwin, Edwin confesses, and honestly I feel like that just needs to be a different thing entirely but I did type a little bit about how I think Charles interpreted all of that here.

They return. Charles is processing Edwin's confession on the roof. This whole scene mystifies me a little because yes, he didn't seem to know exactly what to say to Edwin's confession in hell (I think he did not want to ruin it by saying the wrong thing). The more rewatches I go through the more... satisfied he looks to me? He might be processing, but also he might be a little giddy that Edwin has feelings for him specifically. I'm still trying to figure out how to read this one because the lines seemed rushed but the microexpressions say so much.

Then he starts blatantly flirting with Edwin. Honestly Charles, what the fuck?(afffectionate) Truly I’m still trying to work out if he’s just testing out how Edwin reacts or if he is working through his own feelings here, but I really want more of this in S2.

That’s about all the thoughts I think I can organize on this for now without it getting obscenely long (it already is pretty long for a half baked idea that turned into a meta). Thank you for reading 🖤

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 407: Wait Why Are You Running Away

Previously on BnHA: Kacchan figured out how to control his quirk upgrade and was totally chill and normal about it. Definitely not terrifying at all. He actually spent the entire chapter smiling and laughing like the wholesome little boy he is. I don’t know why Kid For One is so freaked out about it. He even politely introduced himself using his childhood nickname. Clearly he just wants to be friends with you, KFO!

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “sorry to keep you waiting, here’s the AFO and Yoichi flashback you ordered at long last” and proceeds to serve a nightmarish stew of HUMAN MISERY and RATS and STABBING and CARNAGE and SO MUCH MURDER and THE SINGLE MOST FUCKED-UP CASE OF CODEPENDENCY ANYONE HAS EVER WRITTEN. I was not even remotely prepared for any of this, and if anyone else claims that they were, I will call you a liar to your face. If this chapter had a mouth it would scream. Or just sob, ceaselessly and uncontrollably. I’m really glad Horikoshi is on break next week because that man needs to take a fucking nap. My god.

okay WOW

anyone else read the first two words and just immediately say to themselves, “oh okay, so it’s gonna be one of those chapters”? I mean, I guess we were due for a darker chapter after last week’s Kacchan Comedy Tour. but idk, I just wasn’t expecting “homeless sick prostitute with a drinking problem” levels of dark

AND SHE’S PREGNANT?!

what exactly is this manga rated again? doesn’t this backstory seem just a little bit raw for the impressionable kiddos??

has anyone actually checked in on Horikoshi recently? you know, just to make sure he is okay??

what a fun and wholesome manga this is

the lil baby arm covered in blood with the AFO hole on the palm. lying next to the dead mom hand. what an image to sear into our minds. I guess it’s been a while since he killed any dogs. gotta keep us on our toes somehow

also wasn’t expecting AFO and Yoichi to be twins! that puts an interesting spin on their relationship, because it’s usually a closer bond than even regular siblings. especially with all of that delightful shared trauma from a young age!!

yes, exactly

ohhhh this chapter is gonna hurt me, isn’t it. okay. ooooooookay. let’s do this

OH I’M SORRY, THERE’S MORE?!

Horikoshi my dude. you do realize that their mom dying in childbirth and the two of them just barely surviving and growing up as street orphans would have already been MORE than tragic enough, backstory-wise. you did not have to turn this into a freaking horror show with RATS TRYING TO EAT THEIR NEWBORN SELVES jesus christ

and THAT’S where you chose to put a one year timeskip?!

what the fuck am I reading here, you guys. no please tell me, I am actually desperate to understand

so the narrator is saying that some of the quirks manifested later in life, in “pubescent and pre-pubescent stages”, which is interesting because it’s the first time I can recall hearing about someone actually manifesting a quirk that late. maybe Deku’s old OFA cover story was more plausible than I realized

anyway so eventually it occurred to everyone that they should maybe freaking study this shit, idk. and eventually the researchers concluded that the superpowers came from a new gene that apparently isn’t human. and upon hearing that, society apparently lost its freaking mind. which is fascinating to me because it implies that the turning point wasn’t actually the superpowers themselves, but the realization of what it meant

like, so they were apparently fine with it when they thought it was a “mysterious disease”, but somehow it hit different when they learned it wasn’t actually a sickness at all, but instead the Next Step in Evolution. and it became an “us vs them” thing, as opposed to a “we have to cure these poor people” thing. damn

anyway so now Japan is a dystopia and we’re cutting to a big crowd of merc-looking dudes who are getting ready to attack some “meta freaks”, how lovely

but who is this figure in the shadows

I ask politely, as if it wasn’t already beyond obvious that this is AFO about to wreck some people’s shit

ohhhhh my god lmao

hopefully Katsuki and Deku can take the present day AFO out before he winds up looking like this. because this little fella is clearly demonic and idk if anyone can stop him

you all don’t understand. you need to run the fuck away right now

oh shit it’s already too late for them

it’s too late for any of us. it’s over. it’s all fucking over

((((；゜Д゜)))

AFO I am putting the manga down. I am backing away slowly with my hands in the air. I mean you no harm. please for the love of god have mercy

holy

“you see, we told you he wasn’t human” okay Scientific Research Group, you know what?? you win this round I guess

“HE WAS LITERALLY EVIL FROM BIRTH” HORIKOSHI SERIOUSLY ARE YOU OKAY??

HE WAS BORN AN ARROGANT BABY is literally the most terrifying sentence I have ever read

what the entire fuck

it’s a gorgeous sunny mid-November afternoon outside my window. but no matter how hard it tries, the light cannot reach this place

what kind of moron would throw a can of soda at him. officially the stupidest person we have ever seen in this manga

OH MY GOD OF COURSE IT’S HIM LMAO

(ETA: how come baby Yoichi has clothes that fit him perfectly but baby AFO is just stomping around wearing a tablecloth.)

BABY YOICHI. OH MY GOD. HOW THE HELL DID YOU GROW UP TO BE SANE AND KIND AND GOOD. THAT’S MY QUESTION THAT I NEED ANSWERED RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE LITERALLY A MIRACLE. YOU ARE AN IMPOSSIBILITY, DO YOU KNOW THAT

small and weak, but also so, so cute. all of the cuteness genes went straight to him. no wonder AFO was jealous

(ETA: just want to press pause for a second to speculate about what type of twins AFO and Yoichi are, since it has some relevance to the story, and especially to the OFA/AFO quirk lore. so! at first glance the two of them would appear to be fraternal twins, just based on the fact that they have very different appearances, and also the fact that Yoichi doesn’t have the AFO quirk – no holes in his hands, etc. identical twins are born from the same fertilized egg, so in theory they would both have the same sequence of DNA, which means Yoichi would have had the same quirk as AFO. but that doesn’t appear to be the case. so all of that points to them being fraternal, not identical.

on the other hand, there is one piece of evidence in this chapter that does support them being identical twins, and that’s the fact that per the narration, AFO absorbed most of the nutrients from their mother. a few minutes of google fu informed me that this condition is relatively rare, and only happens in cases where two twins share a placenta, which typically is only the case for identical twins. HOWEVER, for what it’s worth, there have also been rare instances where two fraternal twin placentas fuse together and become a single placenta. AND this apparently also increases the chances of one of the twins gaining more of the nutrients and causing the other twin to have a lower birth weight.

so based on the evidence here, my conclusion is that the two of them are most likely fraternal twins with a case of placental fusion. besides, you can’t tell me that stealing his baby brother’s placenta while the two of them are literally still in the womb doesn’t sound like exactly the type of BS that fetus!AFO would pull, lol.)

HEY!?!

okay?!?!?! well to be fair he did throw that soda at him

oh my god this is so fucked up. in like the best and worst way possible

I genuinely couldn’t ask for a better AFO backstory. it’s so incredibly twisted, and you actually do feel sorry for him. or at least I do. but it’s also beyond clear that this kid was FUCKED UP BEYOND ALL REASON right from the get go. zero goodness in him. literally doesn’t see other people as people. sees them as possessions only. things to rule over. not other thinking, feeling human beings. and that includes his own little brother

but. even if it’s not actually what I would call love, there’s still... attachment, there. it’s the closest he can get to actually caring about someone. guh. just, somehow they have both managed to humanize him, and at the same time made him less human than ever. this manga, man. this fucking manga, though

lmao and here we go. Captain Hero

you know, all those times that I made fun of AFO for not knowing how to read, I never suspected that the twist in his backstory would be that he LITERALLY DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO READ dfksjdlfkjslkdf

but seriously though. because Yoichi appears to be self-taught, and I can’t see AFO having the patience for that, and CLEARLY no one else was around to teach him, sooooo...

oh my goodness it’s actually getting wholesome up in here

what a good fucking boy. poor AFO. fuck me, I can’t help it. it’s not your fault you’re the world’s greatest monster you poor bastard

now we’re cutting to THREE YEARS LATER. okay

is he going to declare war on the glowing baby

typical teenager concerned about nothing but likes and view counts. AFO you would be so much happier if you stopped worrying about all of that and just focused on your own growth

oh, lol. well that was quick

(ETA: r.i.p. Damien.)

“this guy had more instagram followers than me. so I killed him” honey. sweetie pie. you need therapy

omfg

all this time I was wondering who AFO’s middle school lit teacher was who had failed so spectacularly at teaching him reading comprehension. and it was YOICHI ALL ALONG. omg

“and, presumably, that’s how it always was and always will be.” dude. can you imagine listening to AFO’s oral book report on A Tale of Two Cities. “ahem. it was the Best of Times. the end” buddy noooooooo

it was at that moment when Yoichi knew, etc. etc.

oh my GOD I scrolled down to the next panel right after this one and I just IMMEDIATELY DIED LAUGHING

“WAS IT SOMETHING I SAID” ffffffffffffffff I fucking can’t omfg

NOW THIS HUSSY IS STEALING HIS BROTHER AWAY FROM HIM NOOOOOOO

HE’S HIS!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!! THAT’S NOT ALLOWED!!!

oh my god the hands. so wait, is this just the standard symbolic BnHA handholding, or are there More Levels To This. when exactly did Yoichi pass OFA on to Kudou. like is that why the sudden close-up and all that? omg

WHAT!!!!

OH THAT’S THE END, HUH? THAT’S THE END RIGHT THERE, AND THAT’S JUST HOW IT IS. I SEE. OKAY THEN. EXCUSE ME WHILE I PUT MY LAPTOP DOWN AND GO INTO THE NEXT ROOM AND SCREAM INTO A PILLOW

oh my god. and break next week too. this is what you guys have been dealing with this entire time huh. I understand your feelings now. godfuckingdammit lmao

[autismprotocol]

TMAGP Theory Board (S1 EP 7)

Dang that episode was a RIDE Hope everyone had a relaxing week because after the newest protocol episode I am screaming!! so lets get right to it

What Happened in Episode 7: Give and Take

Celia seems to know something about the powers with her references to the buried and the flesh in the opening conversation with Alice

Celia recognizes Chester's voice!! since the introduction of Celia's last episode, I wanted to see how she would react to hearing Chester and Norris and we got that in this episode. It's safe to say that Celia recognized Chester's voice as Jon. This piece of evidence makes me almost 100% sure that this Celia is the same Celia/Lynne from Archives

Jon is Back!!! after Chester's statement (more on that later) we learn that Sam has been getting emails from someone named Jon. He also mentions it in an internal email. This helps support the theory that Jon and Chester/FR3-d1 are fused somehow which is what I (and a lot of the fandom) have been thinking. This leaves me with a lot of questions how else can Jon communicate through FR3-d1 with the outside world? Are Martin and Jonah sentient as well? Also, my big question is if this is the first time Jon has been able to signal to the OIAR Staff or if he has been trying to get them to listen since he manifested in the world and Sam was the first one to notice him or is this his first attempt to make contact. I'm interested to learn more about how Jon will continue to influence Sam. I think he's either trying to warn Sam about the OIAR's true intention or is he looking for some way to escape FR3-d1 and needs Sam's help.

This week's statement involved a place called Hilltop Centre branch of the Oxford people's trust. if you were like me and my roommate all your lore alert bells started ringing the moment Hilltop was mentioned. for people who are new to the Magnus Universe Hilltop Road is a major location for avatars (usually web-aligned ones) and also was the childhood home to the desolation avatar Agnes Montague. Hilltop is a big deal in TMA. Hilltop Centre being located in Oxford also lines up nicely with where we know Hilltop Road is located. I'm interested to know if we will hear anything about the house at 105 Hilltop Road being student housing because if that is true then we can connect the statement giver Anya Villette From MAG 114 to being from protocol's world. if that's true there could be a way to get to the Archive Universe through the gap in reality (a wormhole that exists where the house was built) Anyways definitely will have to listen for any more mention of a place called Hilltop in Oxford 

Gwen was promoted by Lena to external liaison and is officially "In" It's time to learn the OIAR's secrets! after doing some research into the job title of external liaison it seems that Gwen is almost gonna be acting as a messenger between the OIAR and another party which is unclear at this time. my guess is it has something to do with Starkwell which was the private military contractor that was mentioned in Episode 4 but that's just a guess and me trying to fit in pieces that have not found a snug place in the lore yet. could be someone else (I'd love to hear your thoughts)

Remember our Buddy Klaus from Episode 4 who we thought was killed by Lena? turns out Klaus is still alive we learn through Gwen and Lena's conversation, that Lena was paid by someone to kill Klaus but failed.

Colin is more paranoid than ever! could be because of the eye or the institute but he does not want to be near technology right now.

Ooh boy that was a lot I'm still reeling from this episode so I'll leave it there for now. honesty I'm most stoked to hear Jon's back in the story and excited to see what role he'll play in Protocol.

Hope you guys have a wonderful week ask box and comments are always open and I'll be back next week for the episode 8 debrief/theory crafting

-Echo

[hana-no-seiiki]

Idk if this is a request or something but I just wanted to get it out there before I forget it. How would the batfam react to a batsis coming from the last of us universe?( the last of us is a zombie apocalypse type game.) How would they react to all of batsis PTSD from being born in a world over ran by zombie’s and learning to survive at a young age. How would they help them? How would they react if they ever were transported to there(batsis) world?

Sorry for this random ask I just wanted to get this out there before I forget about it. Anyway hope you have a great week!

SOFT YANDERE BATFAM x THE LAST OF US! READER BRAINROT

Recently had a TLOU brainrot (at this point it’s more of a heartrot with how devastating the story is eugh) so this came at a perfect timing. I’m guessing batsib (I’ll make it gn I hope you don’t mind anon) has a similar life to elle if they’re not just elle entirely.

I think Batsib would have to be close to the boys before they eventually spill their guts (aka their severe trauma out).

Like when they’re at least 60% there on the yan scale of things.

They see signs like you being hella adamant on the boys at least trying to fix their relationship with Bruce since you know the most out of everyone how it feels to lose a father figure.

You’re the closest with Jason purely because you both have baggage, and luckily you like to talk about it and sort it out.

Your whole life had been the apocalypse so going to Gotham and seeing everything in its prime fascinated you. When the Batfam first took you in due to your status as an anomaly, it took very little to impress you.

But it also took a lot to terrify you.

If we’re going full on Ellie! Reader here then them (batfam) seeing that huge bite mark on your arms, presumably after you’ve dumped info on your past and your reality, almost turned them feral.

It was that moment they decided to never let you go back.

You’re allowed to join them with their vigilante activities as long as you were under strict surveillance.

Bruce is kind of off-put by your nonchalance when it comes to beating up people to a pulp. He had to jump in and stop you from completely killing a dude.

Jason on the other hand approves. Definitely eggs you on.

The rest of the boys, as is my headcannon with any violent MC, get turned on when they see you covered in blood.

In summary, they definitely cherish you more. The spoiling is dialed up to eleven. And since you didn’t know much of the world prior to its apocalypse state, they wouldn’t lock you up like in most cases and instead bring you to explore as much as you’d like.

There is a sick part of them that enjoys your PTSD and how dependent (and distrusting of others) you can be because of it. So unless it gets really bad where you can’t get sleep at all I can see them just not trying to get help for you.

ON THE MORE WHOLESOME SIDE:

I am now imagining reader going to a museum with them all and just climbing the fossil in front of like dozens of people while screaming “LOOK AT ME I’M ON A MOTHERFUCKING DINOSAURRRR!”

Bruce definitely had to pay a lot for that

and all the younger ones + Dick cause he’s Dick throwing fedora hats on all the dinos??? please im on my knees that’s too cute augh-

If they were ever transported in your world, it’d definitely be the other way around. Say you aren’t like Ellie and are completely susceptible to the infection- oof you might as well just be in jail.

They’ll disinfect everything. Masks 24/7. Generally just extremely careful as to not get infected or infect you in any shape or form.

Tim has already researched on fungal infections so you bet he’s ready. Wouldn’t be surprised if he single-handedly ends the apocalypse with how thorough he was. Him, Dick, and Alfred focus more on taking care of you.

Jason and Damian are more with survival and the annihilation of anything that may be dangerous to you within the vicinity. May it be zombies, thieves, the military and what not.

Bruce is probably tinkering on more equipment and helping Tim with actually getting rid of the fungi. The former will definitely use his charm and looks to get more supplies.

In short, these dudes have everything on lockdown.

You’ll wish you didn’t come back to your original world.

A.N. I hope this was to your liking anon!

[venus-is-thinking]

DRDT Chapter 2 Episode 12: Initial Thoughts

Hello everyone! I thought it'd be fun to do a post going over some of my first thoughts from the episode after each release. "Initial" is a bit of a stretch, considering I did watch it a second time while making this post, but it's more "initial" in the context of being before the next episode drops. It's sort of like my "initial thoughts" of the Milgram MVs, which are actually the result of, like, 3 hours of obsessing and research, lol.

(By the way, @accirax and I watched the episode together, so apologies if her initial thoughts end up being, like, the same as mine.)

SPOILER WARNING FOR DRDT CH 2 EP 12!

T/W: Body image issues/body dysmorphia, murder, suicide

The Reactions

Confirmation of what I think most of us already suspected! I do think it's a little weird that Nico didn't bring up their testimony about all of the fish being there at the last time they fed the fish. That probably means it's being saved for later in the Trial, I guess?

It's okay Teruko, I saw literally no one in the entire fanbase figure this one out either!

Why is everyone so mean to her though. Everyone here has been an idiot in the Trials at LEAST once

God I missed David

This was so funny. Get his ass.

(In all seriousness, though, I do wonder if we're going to come back to what J said. I don't currently (?) think Arei was drenched, unless the real purpose of the water WAS just to confuse the time of death, so if the water didn't connect with her enough to cool her down, it might be weird that the body isn't warm after all.)

This took me out. Who let you say that. What.

Okay, but Ace, outside of a killing game... why. Like, literally why would a plastic surgeon need to know how to do an autopsy. King.

Like Felicity...? /hj

All in all, though, this was a really interesting character moment for Arturo! And god, the fact that he started learning medical knowledge and spedrun plastic surgery specifically since age 12 HAS to mean something. My vague theories of Felicity having struggles with body image/dysmorphia (Arturo's section of this post) are... maybe real???

Honestly, I'm starting to wonder if Arturo is going to go farther in this game. I don't expect him to survive or anything, but I could see it taking him a surprisingly long time to die. He feels like he's got too much lore to unpack to die, like, next chapter. Unless he gets HELLA focused next chapter, which is definitely possible.

This is so silly. I love them.

(Note: I'm not a Whit mastermind truther, but if I were, I would point out that MonoTV sort of covering up a rules violation for Whit could be relevant. I'm not a Whit mastermind truther though, so I think this is just a very silly joke a la "no wifi! why live :(" )

Well you see Eden, the killer would have actually had all night to prepare. If, say, they mentioned that they could dial in and focus on their work for like 14 hours straight, they could have gotten a lot done before 7:30 AM!

I'll talk about this more later, but the fact that J, David, Veronika, Hu and Nico seemingly have alibis that actually matter is so iconic. I can't believe that many theories died that quick. I'll talk about that more in my theories section, though!

It's been said before, but. Funniest fucking reaction to being declared innocent of murder.

"David still has a family history of depression even if that isn't his secret" nation where you at?

This one made me laugh out loud. Who does it like him

How truthful do we think David is in this next section? I refuse to believe it's 100% a lie, just because he's cooking SO hard on SOMETHING, but I could also believe David thinks he's lying to an extent. I could definitely see a "the best lies are based on the truth" kind of thing?

Also, damn. Xanvid really is real. LGI got me to believe it but WOW David's just being gay on main now

This was a really good, succinct way to have Teruko show her opposition to David's ideas. Even if it is to end the killing game or do something "good' or whatever, Teruko is still hurt and betrayed by what Xander did. Xander tried to kill her, and presumably would have tried to kill everyone else. David is now doing the same thing.

It's going to be really interesting if, whether genuine or not, David is kinda taking on Xander's position. That's going to give Teruko a reason to (outwardly) hate him even more. I'm really looking forward to learning more about how both Teruko and David view Xander.

Also, it's so fucking funny that Teruko and David are literally fighting over Xander. Like, valid, but. Guys.

(Also, David soooo knows Teruko's secret is the killing game is all your fault. Idk if he specifically knows that Xander's plan was to kill Teruko no matter what, but he's definitely caught on to some extent.)

This was crazy. Is Xander famous? Why would everyone recognize him? Like, did David just take particular notice of Xander because he's a simp, or is there something else going on?

Notably, it's also extremely interesting that David says "Even if you all lost a year of memories for this killing game." It almost implies that David didn't? What do you know???

Also, if David DOES have weird memories about this that no one else does, it's a really interesting comparison to Teruko remembering the existence of a killing game in the area investigation when she was talking to Veronika. Are these two getting special memory privileges because they're important? Or does everyone have some kind of memory that they all should have, but only one person knows each thing?

At first I was confused when David said this, because I really don't know how dear anyone in DRDT's life to him was other than Xander. But then I realized, if David is talking about killing 15 others and yourself, he's definitely still talking about Xander's mindset. Xander had something worth the lives of 16 people that he was trying to do.

I don't know how much David cares about ending the killing game. I wonder if "belief in Xander" is the thing he's willing to kill 13 people plus himself for?

I'm starting to get REALLY curious what J's deal is. Between this and her voiced line earlier in the trial saying something along the lines of "it's like you all still haven't grasped just how serious murder is," she definitely seems to have strong opinions on specifically the morality of killing other people. WHY is she being singled out with these beliefs, what does it say about her, and where is her character headed?

(If she is the mastermind, does this couple with the "all murderers must be held accountable" rule?)

"Any answer" is so funny. I think she's looking for the truthful answer, David. This is why no one believes you when you say anything ever /aff

Notably, this is VERY similar to the plan Eden came up with that Veronika described: using the fact that TV shows need entertainment to continue to end the killing game. It's the same thing, but with a much more depressed "everyone should just give up" kind of flavor.

The level of similarity does make me think David is probably not being 100% truthful, and that he just repurposed Eden's escape plan to be something sort of similar to what he was going for.

I do think that he WAS trying to defeat the killing game by killing people through the class trial. I just think that, between Xander's actions and the motive secret he received, he was trying to kill Teruko specifically. Yet another way that David's unhinged behavior ties into the Chapter 2 secrets.

*Hu hopeless child looms in the distance*

I'm so glad that Hu gets to pop off though. She really hasn't gotten, like, any content in the series so far. Here's hoping this is kicking off her getting a bunch of time to shine!

Interesting that they had both Ace and Hu cut Nico off in this interaction. The staging definitely implies that they're trying to show that while Ace is wrong for talking over Nico and not letting them say anything, Hu is also wrong to an extent for not letting Nico defend themself and running to their rescue all the time.

I am begging you. Please discuss the murder method. I didn't realize until my rewatch of the trial that they have actually literally not talked about the murder method at ALL except for telling David that he doesn't know shit about it.

HUH?????????????

Theory Update/Analysis

Well, I'm gonna start this off by saying that I'm still pretty locked into Eden being the killer. We still need to address the tape, and I personally still found her to be decently shifty now behavior wise (she seemed nervous when we turned back to solving the trial, and she says something about "it's too hard to narrow down the killer :/" when people were talking about morning alibis). I just think it makes the most sense.

While obviously my logic for why Levi would be the accomplice has to be at least somewhat flawed, given Levi's surprise confession (!!!), I still think it's possible that Levi is the accomplice here. He could be doing this to further confuse/complicate the state of things (hence why he calls it leading people astray), and it's possible he's not being 100% honest here.

Something that Levi could be doing here is taking control of the situation and spinning the truth in his favor. Hu mentioned earlier (e11, I think?) that the secrets are phrased dramatically. Similarly, Levi may be trying to offer an explanation for his secret that might be more tame, but still believable.

For example, if Levi says that he killed one of his parents because of the circumstances he grew up in, but it turned out that his parents were extremely abusive to him in some way (cough cough Amane Momose), wouldn't people be more willing to forgive the fact that he's a "murderer"? There are different levels to the culpability of murders.

So, it's definitely possible this is still an attempt by Levi to conceal the truth of his secret. It's true that, right now, no one's really trying to match all of the remaining secrets up with the remaining secret holders in-universe, but the entire fanbase pretty much slam dunked this one. Once the content of the secrets was revealed, it wasn't too difficult to track the origin of this secret to Levi. Levi might know that, and might be trying to spin it in a positive way while he can get everyone's attention and tell everyone the same narrative here in the class trial.

I don't think any Levi accomplice or killer truthers have to fully give up on the idea, or at least not until we see what Levi actually says after this. It's a WILD topic to reveal we're going to talk about, but we haven't actually talked about it yet. If we were told "we get David's motivations for trying to throw the trial," I doubt literally any of us would have locked in the prediction of "David is trying to follow in Xander's footsteps by killing everyone via the trial because he kind of remembers Xander." So, until next week, I'm keeping an open mind!

This was insane. I can't believe we actually got a new episode, and that we're gonna KEEP getting new episodes until the chapter finishes. What the fuck!!!

[ellalalala]

Zandik, Sohreh and the Rishboland Tigers

Hello! Last night I began to think about Dottore just before falling asleep and now I'm back to write about something that's been bugging me for ages. This shouldn't be too long, but knowing myself I'll take it way too far so...!

Anyhow, every Dottore enjoyer knows of the Zandik's Legacy notes, and I'm sure everyone has their own theory on what happened between him, Sohreh and the investigation team he was with on Devantaka Mountain (if I remember correctly). Most people argue that he killed Sohreh just for the sake of it and lied about her being attacked by a pack of Rishboland Tigers, but I'd like to argue otherwise - she was attacked by the tigers first, and Zandik put Sohreh out of her misery as an act of mercy.

First and foremost, it's important to mention that Zandik and Sohreh, despite not having much in common (different Darshans, differences in their personalities etc) seemed to get along decently well. As written in Sohreh's Note,

"...Zandik and I discussed the traits of local plants and animals. We also exchanged views on their evolution models. We had a great time and decided to go on a picnic tonight..."

Despite their differences, Zandik made the effort to have a conversation with her and for him to agree to a picnic (hey, he could have offered first, you never know) means only that he was genuinely interested in Sohreh; if you have read my previous analysis about Dottore, then you might remember what I said about him and his loneliness and longing for companionship. If not, I will explain briefly: Zandik was rejected by his peers in the Akademiya. A monster, a madman, they deemed him, and it's easy to guess that he was very, very lonely. People were prejudiced against him, but here comes Sohreh - a Dastur who not only ignores the rumors about him, but is kind enough to talk to him, to want to see him more often. That must have been incredibly foreign to Zandik, who up until then had only known rejection and solitude.

With that said, why would he kill a girl?

Before I continue, I would like to note that we do not yet have a definitive timeline of these events. I am merely speculating based on what I know, so keep that in mind! I could very well be wrong when Dottore is released as a playable character and his Character Stories tell the true version of these events... anywho.

From reading the Ragged Attendance Record, we can understand that Zandik stubbornly acted by himself without caring to ask for permission:

"...Trainee Dastur Zandik has acted without authorization for the third time... It brings unpredictable risks to the investigation team... Punishment is advised..."

We know that Zandik meant to keep his research into these Ruin Machines secret; after all, investigating anything related to the fallen nation of Dahri was considered taboo back then.

The record continues,

"...Dastur Sohreh of Amurta has been critically injured under the attack of Rishboland Tigers. In need of first aid..."

Just what happened? It's unclear how she got injured. Can we assume that these records were written hours apart, perhaps? If so, assuming that Zandik had nothing to do with her injuries, how would he react to Sohreh getting hurt?

Moving on to the Sumeru Investigation Team's Note - this was very likely written after the Ragged Attendance Record, considering what we learn in it. It says:

"...Thank goodness, Zandik reacted quickly. Otherwise, the whole team would be in serious trouble...

...The terrifying killing machine has stopped. Zandik insisted on bringing it back to the Akademiya to be disassembled and reverse-engineered. That was absolutely ridiculous! Sage Sharnama reprimanded him and removed him from the author list.

...We buried Dastur Sohreh and sent the wounded back. Looks like this field research has come to an end..."

If we go over it line after line, we learn the following:

Zandik likely deactivated the Ruin Machine that attacked the Investigation Team. He must have gathered enough knowledge at that time to know how to deal with them himself; he also exposed that secret knowledge to the rest of the group, which only helped in strengthening the prejudice people had against him. Considering he acted so quickly, it must have been an instinct for him to solve the problem by himself/save the others.

The fact that he insisted on bringing the machine back could have played a role in the very reason why he got expelled from the Akademiya. This entire event could also be why studying mechanical life forms is now banned in Spantamad, which I believe to have been Zandik's Darshan.

Sohreh was already dead at that point, or she died shortly after the Ruin Machine attacked the group. Funny that they just buried her in the wilderness and left...

This begs one question: when would one even have the time to kill Sohreh? She was first attacked by a pack of Rishboland Tigers. Then, a Ruin Machine accidentally got activated, which Zandik quickly stopped, and there were even more people wounded - likely due to the aforementioned machine (oh, and if so, this might imply that Zandik hesitated to act). Of course, it could have been anyone else that choked Sohreh to death. It could be that someone just put the blame on Zandik because he was so hated. But if we are to assume that he and Sohreh shared some sort of bond, then perhaps he did it himself.

Indeed, for she was already terribly wounded. This is what the Dissection Records say about Sohreh:

"...The deceased...Dastur Sohreh... Multiple trauma wounds... Lacerations... contusions on internal organs... hemorrhage... ...But the fatal injury is the wound on the throat... fractured hyoid bone... Mechanical asphyxia... unable to ascertain the cause of death..."

So all makes sense - I don't even need to spell it out. What I should say is another thing; ignoring the messy timeline and half-assed guess I made about the chaotic events that took place that day, I should return to Sohreh and Zandik.

Zandik - rather, Dottore - is not an actor. He does not pretend to be someone he is not, and Escher doesn't count because that was for a mission. Aside from being a bit polite with Nahida, Dottore never, not once, pretended to be nicer than he really was nor shaped his identity a certain way to make it easier to digest for others. Think of webttore - an openly short-tempered and brash man with a complete disregard for how others perceive him. That's Dottore, and by extension, Zandik. Sohreh wrote that he was rigid - would that not be a trait one would hide if they wanted to put up a front? Moreover, Zandik would have no reason to fake being nice with Sohreh. There was nothing she could realistically give him that he actually wanted - nothing if not acceptance and friendship. Knowing Dottore and his buried want for companionship, Zandik must have been entranced by Sohreh's kindness and curiosity. That must have been rare for him to receive, having already been chased out of his hometown and openly rejected and shunned in the Akademiya.

Say they went on that picnic and found more things to bond over - would it not make sense that he would be the one to show her mercy? Sure, strangling someone is not painless; he could have lacked other options. Perhaps she asked him to do it, or he felt as if he had to - she was bleeding out and helpless in the wilderness, without access to medical aid. Zandik could have thought that she wouldn't make it and took pity on her. Or... well, who knows.

I don't know. With such little information, it's difficult to make out a clear picture of what could have gone down. What I do know is that killing her just for the sake of it makes little to no sense. Dottore is resourceful and only does things that benefit him and his research. How would killing a Dastur of a Darshan that he did not belong to help him in any way? People already despised him and he wouldn't so openly risk getting expelled and losing any means of conducting research. It just doesn't feel right to me, y'know?

Anyway, that's yet another convoluted Dottore theory from me. Remember: I myself am not very confident in it. I had only my own audacity and 4 tiny notes to write this, so! Anything could have happened with Sohreh - this is just my take on it. It's the one I prefer, anyway. I'll humanize anyone looool

Thanks for reading!

[bloggingboutburgers]

Hi!

I really appreciate the positivity that you share on this blog. I would also like to say that some of your comics helped me realize I am probably aro/ace. I have been getting comfortable with the ace label for a while now, but I realized that I am most likely also demiromatic (at the very least).

I came to the conclusion after seeing how you described your QPR because that is exactly what I would want in a relationship. Cooking food together, sharing a place, platonic cuddles, etc. I didn't know that was an option until I saw your comic.

I have also been doing a ton of research trying to define a romance. As I know you have mentioned before, it is very difficult to describe, but it seems my definition fits more-or-less how you describe a QPR rather than a "romantic relationship."

With that in mind...

Do you have any tips for finding platonic relationships like QPR's? All my friends either live very far away or are married/in committed allo relationships. I always feel like a third wheel, so any tips would be much appreciated.

Aah... In a way, I guess I couldn't help much because... Turns out the flavor of aroace that I am didn't really feel the need for a QPR to begin with, so I never really... Looked for one. My partner offered one and the rest is history. Well... I did fumble a little bit at the beginning and was like "hey wow that's how I feel about another close friend maybe I should ask THEM to be in a QPR too so I could be in 2 QPRs" and that didn't work out for many reasons and that's how I learned that stuff isn't as simple as I thought it could be but... Honestly, I'm very fortunate with what I have now and I don't regret bumping into such walls. Made me value what I ended up with all the more, and appreciate the level of connection and communication needed for that to work out. In a way I guess... My partner made it sound easy so props to them.

...Anyway that didn't answer anything, did it TwT But yeah I wasn't the one to ask, and I didn't need one myself, so... I just lucked out really.

Ironically, not that anyone asked, but if I felt anything was missing from my life and still is, it's feeling like I'm a part of a group of friends, a proper group, that sees me and respects me as a proper friend. I've never really had that even if I sometimes fooled myself that I did, and it's always hurt a fair amount and it still does, but being in a QPR certainly helps a TON somehow. So... I wasn't looking for that but it brought me solace in a lot of ways? jgfigklfd though that still doesn't answer your question TwT

So uh... Sorry for sinking into introspection a bit here, but I sincerely hope you'll find what you're looking for someday either way, and hey, if an idiot like me could luck out doing nothing special, then who knows, it's possible that you might luck out just as much someday 👀 I dunno, one never knows.

And before I forget... Thank you so much for the kind words, I'm sincerely glad sharing my experience could help you in any way!^^

[somehhuuuhh]

I know the ture meaning of proshiper and antishiper!

Okay okay I know it's seems far fetch but hear out!

Oh this not any form harassment I'm just talking about what the true meaning of proshipers and antishipper and that's it. If I'm wrong then I'm wrong it's not a big deal. I'll just cry because of how many hours I have to research, and it turns out to be wrong

Kay Kay but before we start talking about it let me just tell you what a proshiper thinks what a proshiper and a antishipper

So this one proshiper in the undertale community made there very strong claim that the true meaning of proshiper is "you're against censorship and harassment over fiction and curate your experience the internet to have a healthy distance from things to make you uncomfortable" Um well frist all not all proshiper are against censorship. Second many proshipers harass people for calling them out or they got block. Having a healthy distance from things that make you uncomfortable is great, but you need to know that not every proshiper is doing that. @/Flowey-the-lanternflower56 is a proshiper, but for some reason she keeps following people who don't feel comfortable with proshipping and says proship dni in their bio. She says she dislikes antis but yet she keeps following those blogs that aren't meant for proshipers. She makes the blog owner uncomfortable and probably over time make her uncomfortable when they keep saying the space is not for her or any other proshipers.

The same proshiper thinks the true meaning of an antishiper is that "you're okay and even encouraged harassment towards freaks and "weirdos society deems acceptable to hurt" uhhhh....what? Am I blind or something cuz I don't anti shippers harassing proshipers . If they just talk about proshipers dni or how uncomfortable proship makes them feel or just calling them out. I don't think that's harassment, I think they expressing their opinions on the topic. Well I understand why they say that because they post this after this one dude threatened to doxxed some proshipers but I they quickly dissappear when many people say that's not right and some of those people were antishippers. But maybe they harass in Twitter or something idk, but a lot of antishipper are very against doxxing and harassment.

Okay so after the proshiper say that, they said "learn your Fandom history," and that really inspired me to do this and waste many hours to learn my Fandom history. (Gosh I wanna die)

The term of antishipper has been around ever since in the 1990s from the wonderful Fandom of the X-Files. The definition of antishipper is "it generally refars to someone who opposes shipping or a certain pairing, which can be for reasons," but since the mid-2010s the term changed into "A fan who believes that it is morally wrong to ship some ships" The definition has been change over time in different Fandoms for different reasons. But those two are the og.

There are many other "antis" like anti-incest which they have the best fucking motto ever. "Family is family, nothing more" There is anti-ship, but I'll not gonna talk about it now.

The term of proshipers or anti-anit came from Tumblr (of course it did). The definition of proshipers is literally just the opposite of antishippers so that means "it generally refars to someone who is with shipping or a certain pairing, which can be for reasons," or "A fan who believes that it is morally right to ship some ships" or something like that.

Okay so since I talk about the true meaning of proshipers and antishipper. There is one more thing I want to talk about which the proshiper said which was "Fiction is fiction and doesn't affect reality" but I do have poof that it does.

Okay I'm going off strong. BlogTheGreatRouge, everyone knows and dislikes her. She was a proshiper, who ship pj with fresh and guessed what pj was kid and Fresh was a grown ass man when she drew them. Even pj daycare Fresh was a kid and Pj was grown as a man. Her comics were disgusting and talking about suicide like it's not so serious. She thought that her comics weren't affected anyone and lable her comics as 13+ even though they should've been labeled 18+ cuz of the suggestive theme, and other stuff. So of course the little kids are going to see that and think that it's okay that a grown ass people touch them which you think they aren't that dumb, but like they were kids and where deeply affected by her comics. There is a videos talking about here and each videos there a comment of people get gr#$med by an adult because after watching or reading the her comics they think it's okay for adults to do that and here are some of the comments...

So yea you can't really deny that her drawings which was a silly fiction thing did impact reality! And impact a bunch of people in a negative way.

Okay let's say you're a proshiper and you only ship incest and that's all. And you don't think shipping incest will harm anyone. It just a simple ship.....shut the fuck up. Okay me personally I been affected by those incest ship especially the proshiper that I keep mentioning. Every time I see dreammare I just think that's me and my brother kissing which IS VERY DISGUSTING AND UNCOMFORTABLE FOR ME TO THINK OF. Me brother is close BUT NOT THAT CLOSE!!! I don't like to be near my dad or my brother which makes me feel sad because when I give them a hug I just feel uncomfortable thinking of that and when they really want to talk to me I keep my distance. I just feel horrible for thinking that and not talking much with my brother and my dad because I keep seeing that and thinking about that. It makes feel like a horrible sister and a horrible daughter...

But I think that's all I have to say I was very hesitate to post this because I was worried people will react but I just don't need this to clear my mind and tell people there definition is probably wronged.

Oh and please rbloog or repost I don't care but it well appreciated

Oh, and I know it's different from what I usually post, but I just wanted to talk about it. It took me a while to write this because it took me a lot of balls just to think about posting it because this topic is very mixed, so please don't harass me for this

[nkn0va]

THE 100 FOLLOWER SPECIAL

The homie @devfps found a thing for me. As a Seth main myself, I am now morally obligated to write the first ever genderbend Under Night x reader piece. And also I figured it was about time Under Night took a spotlight for once since it's mostly Blazblue. What better way to do that than write a very special oneshot for my main in this game as a little love letter of sorts to the most underrated fighting game on the market.

Also I know some of you might've been expecting an event of some kind but my inbox is way too full for that right now lmao

Also don't be surprised if shadow edits are made to make it better at any point in the future

(After all my 5 minutes of research, turns out the name Sethe exists, and is a girl name, so that makes my job a hell of a lot easier)

A soft, quiet sigh escaped her pale lips as the sound of the bell rang throughout the school. It was just one of those days, the ones that felt never-ending. Exams drawing near, projects piling up, all with winter fast approaching. As if the cold season put the world itself into stasis, freezing time down to a shivering cold crawl. Well, there was nothing she could do about it. No point in complaining to the world itself, not when it had a history of never paying attention to her silent pleas for help, it's uncaring apathy as cold as the air that blew this time of year.

Steel grey eyes peered out the window next to her desk as she stood up. It was already the first snow of the season. It definitely came far earlier than last year. At least she was prepared for such a possibility.

Sethe had come with a plain black sweater vest in place of her school uniform, just in case. She blended in enough with the crowd to avoid the teachers and not get chewed out for it. If the snow hadn't come, it was easy enough to go into the bathroom and change out of it. As she left the classroom and made her way out into the hall she reached into her bag and pulled out a long, blue scarf. A bit too long for her comparatively small, thin body, yes, but it got the job done, so no reason to complain about it.

At least that's what she thought.

The snow had already started to gather on and cover the ground, albeit not much. It had apparently been snowing quite a bit since lunch, it was already a good couple inches deep. Sethe made her way outside and immediately made for her way home, she had nothing else to do in this annoyance of an obligation, nor did she feel the need to find something. Her absent train of thought was soon interrupted by a sudden, chilling gust of wind that chilled her to the bone. Her arms instinctively wrapped around herself as she grit her teeth.

She stopped in place momentarily to recollect herself, but just as quickly resumed her walk. The trains were likely going to be packed to hell and back in this weather, it would be more efficient to just walk there, as much of a pain as it was. She didn't get much farther though before a familiar voice called out from behind her.

"Guess even weather like this isn't enough to slow you down, huh?"

Sethe immediately stopped once more, her posture straightening in surprise as her head whipped around, only to see s/o. "Learn to relax a bit, yeah? At least enough for me to catch up."

Her body had now turned a tad more in their direction, the lower part of her face obscured by the scarf. "You're saying that like you almost want me to stay at school for something." Her voice took on it's usual quiet, restrained tone, though without the usual apathy or even defensiveness it had during the occasional instances she talked to her peers. S/o just seemed to have that effect on her, she couldn't bring herself to chase them away if she tried.

"Hey now, I wasn't saying that. Is it really a crime to wanna walk home with my girlfriend, spend some much needed alone time with her?" As the words came out of S/o's mouth, Sethe felt her cheeks heat up slightly, though it was made a tad more noticeable by how pale she was. The thought of being in a relationship...it was never a thought that had occurred to her before, being so focused on the duty that's sworn herself to, to free the Night Blade's princess from her curse. That was at least until she met s/o.

"Well... I never meant to imply that, but..."

She was cut off by an amused chuckle from s/o before she could think of a response. "Come on, you know I'm just messing with you. Let me at least walk you home." They took a few steps to catch up and be at her side as Sethe silently nodded and the two resumed your walk.

It was a relatively long way to where she lived. For a while it was all but completely silent, only broken by the snow crunching with their footsteps. Yet for the both of them, it was a comfortable one. At least it was until another gust of wind sent them both shivering. This was not going to work. It was then Sethe got an idea.

"...Here. Come closer."

"O...k...?" S/o confusedly side stepped towards her, and before they could register what was happening they felt a cloth make it's way around their shoulders and circle back around towards Sethe. The reserved young woman herself though seemed almost more surprised by her own actions than you did. Her face turning noticeably more red.

"There...now we shouldn't at least be as cold like this. Just try not to fall behind." Sethe resumed her walking, s/o guided along by the scarf to follow suit. It wasn't a complete, foolproof way of staying warm amidst the cold, but it was better than nothing. And she'd be lying to herself if she tried saying s/o's body warmth wasn't at least somewhat of a comfort.

As soon as the thought crossed her mind, she immediately felt the heat start creeping up on her face, this time much more prominent than normal as it finally occurred to her. She had initiated intimacy with s/o. Granted it wasn't exactly much, but this was pretty much the first time she had done so. She looked toward the corner of her eye over to s/o to gauge their reaction. She didn't quite know what she expected, however she still found herself pleasantly surprised.

S/o's shivering had mostly stopped, now walking along with Sethe, seemingly perfectly peaceful and content. Yes, the two were dating, but it hadn't been for all that long yet. She almost couldn't believe it. Her presence seemed to be welcome for s/o, just like their was for her, despite her stoic attitude, how cold she could seem sometimes, just like the unpleasant weather they were being forced to trudge through. Yet her coldness was one that s/o seemed to not care about, not feel any less about her for.

"Sethe? Are you alright?" S/o's voce once again snapped her out of her thoughts, the blushing only intensifying.

"You're getting red. Nothing's wrong, right?"

She shook her head and looked forward once more, attempting to bury her face in the scarf a bit more as much as she could. "No, it's just the cold."

"You're not getting sick, are you? That's kinda the last thing you need right now with how hectic school's starting to get and all."

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine." Sethe's reply didn't really convince s/o. Not the part about not being sick, but rather about the redness on her face. They were well aware intimacy was never her strong suit. However they knew openly teasing her about it was not wise, lest they wanted to ruin the moment. The one she had started for a change, no less. No reason to look a gift horse in the mouth, so they decided to quit while they were ahead.

Their body heat combined in the close proximity of the shared scarf as they both adjusted their paces to match the other. Despite the occasional winds that would bite at them, they were able to keep going, now having each other's warmth and support to stay strong. Their shoulders brushed against each other, as their body temperatures mingled and found solace from the biting cold in each other. At some point, s/o's gaze seemed to gravitate over to Sethe as well from the edge of their peripheral vision. They could spot the snowflakes starting to pepper her mostly black hair, protecting her delicate face from the precipitation. The setting sun was shining down on her, contrasting with her dark eyes in a way that seemed to set them ablaze in a subtle, yet genuine show of her natural beauty. S/o seriously couldn't figure out why she seemed to be so ignored by their shared peers, not when she practically stole their breath away in times like this. She seemed content with that however, so it probably wasn't their place to speak on it anyway. Not like they were complaining, to them it meant no one would be trying to hit on her.

The walk felt like it was lasting forever, though to both of them, that would've been far from the worst outcome, even if they didn't say that out loud. They probably didn't even need to in the first place. Unfortunately, it was proven to them once more that good things aren't always meant to last, Sethe's house soon coming into their view. The Night Blade assassin stopped as they came in front of it, making s/o stop to so as not to accidentally push her over.

"Well, here we are." She took back her scarf, gently pulling it off around s/o's shoulders. "The snow's not going away anytime soon. Are you sure you're gonna be fine making it back home?"

S/o gave a disarming wave of their hand. Despite Sethe trying to play it off casually, s/o knew better. There was concern for them deep down. "I can put up with the trains just fine. It'll be a pain right now, but at least I'm not gonna freeze."

Sethe nodded at their response. "Yeah, that might be the best course of action. I just don't want you getting yourself hurt."

As soon as the words left her mouth, she quickly realized what she said. Her face started turning red once more as she averted her gaze staying silent. Despite her instinct to quickly take back what she said, she knew that would only make her sound bad. She froze up, the words dying in her throat as s/o couldn't hold back the smile creeping onto their own face. Both in contentment and reassurance.

"I'll be fine, you can relax. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" Despite herself, Sethe could only find herself smiling back. A small one, almost unnoticeable to most people, but a smile nonetheless. A reward for s/o after learning to spot these rare occasions she did.

"Well, tomorrow's a school day. A rather redundant question, no?"

S/o let out a light laugh, genuinely at peace in her presence. "Yeah fair enough. The reassurance still helps though, especially coming from you. I know I can always count on you."

The sudden profession caught Sethe off guard, her eyes widening slightly as they snapped back to s/o. "You...you can?"

S/o nodded, their facial expression making it seem as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Of course. It's probably the biggest reason I wanted to be with you. Even when we met, you never went back on your word. That kind of honesty isn't something you find every day. That determination is what I always admired about you the most."

Sethe was clearly not used to receiving compliments, no less such genuine ones from someone she cared about. There was no hiding her blush now, despite her trying to bury her face in the scarf and turning her head away. "I...I see..."

She wanted to return the favor. All the reasons she felt the same about s/o threatened to spill out all at once, but were almost painfully stopped by her own inhibition and nervousness. Her instinct telling her that sharing her feelings about them would only make them laugh or become uncomfortable, yet her rational mind telling her that was a stupid fear.

Much to her relief, s/o didn't seem off put by her silence, seeming to read her once again, just like the way they always did. That almost unreasonable amount of patience that could only come from truly caring about another person, the kind that Sethe was a stranger to up until only recently, but eventually one that could only bring the small yet genuine smile back to her face. They understood what she was feeling, and felt no reason to judge her or question her further.

S/o turned off to the side to leave. "You should head inside and warm up. I should be getting to doing the same. See you tomorrow." They raised their hand up in a wave and began to walk back they way they came, heading toward the train station.

Sethe stood where she was a bit longer, watching them as they slowly but surely disappeared into the distance. While they weren't looking, she gave her own small, subtle wave, feeling that strange but familiar warmth in her chest, the one she would only feel when around S/o.

That feeling welling up in her body, the one she only felt for S/o; that was what made her sure she was truly in love.

[aspd-culture]

hey, so i recently did some research and took the mmpi and a few other tests that i knew were well regarded as diagnostic tools by professionals, as well as self reflection and matching myself with criteria. (all tests found free probably illegally online via links on reddit cause i dont got that kind of money) and it appears that i have aspd.

I consider myself a good person, i try to always be good to everyone which is a lot of effort because it’s something i dont do naturally, and imo that makes me better than a “normal person” but i digress

finding this out, while relieving in the way that it explained a lot of stuff, has also made me feel more alienated. i cant tell anyone im close to because theyll just hear “sociopath” and think i dont care about them or ive been manipulating them this whole and leave, and i wont be able to find new people because im bad at connecting with others so ill be alone. and no one online with aspd seems to have my experiences (also a lot of the online spaces are filled with pwBPD and pwNPD using our tag lmao and i dont relate to them either obviously) so i feel alien here too.

I dunno, finding this out was helpful in some ways but in others i just feel worse.

I guess it’s a net good now that i know that my way of thinking and going through life doesnt make me a bad or manipulative person its just how i naturally think bc of my disorder, and as long as im choosing to be good to people it shouldn’t matter. i just wish it wasnt so stigmatized to have, and i wish people would realize that i am capable of being a good person just as much as they are, i just have my own way of doing it.

I actually dont get why having it Come Naturally is such a good thing anyway, isnt it more meaningful if someone isnt “good by nature” but actively chooses to be anyway? I think it means less and is less reliable if someone is good by nature because then it means that they don’t actually know how or why theyre doing it, and if they have a moment of fluctuations in their empathy then they could be worse than any of us disordered folk who had to learn they why and how of this stuff.

lmfao ok uh sorry for having a character arc in your ask box you can delete if you want idc

No, no worries! I'm sorry it took me this long to get to honestly because yeah I agree with this - it is in my opinion objectively better to do good things by choice, even when it's hard for us. And, in fact, the NTs feel that way too but they don't like that it applies to us.

It's a whole cliche people like to throw around, that it isn't easy to be a good person and that the only truly good people are the ones that doing it when it's hard too - that the easiest thing isn't always the right thing, all of that. They just don't like that those things apply to us too and therefore we are very much their definition of good people.

The world has so much stigma against us, and I'm sorry you're struggling with it, that any and all of you are. We shouldn't be treated this way as a result of us being mistreated as kids. It's not our fault, but we're labeled and demonized anyway. And it sucks, and even though it says everything about them and nothing about us, people believe them bc they're so used to thinking we're the scary ones so we must be wrong.

That seems to be slowly changing, and I hope I (and you) are around to see when it does.

Plain text below the cut:

No, no worries! I'm sorry it took me this long to get to honestly because yeah I agree with this - it is in my opinion objectively better to do good things by choice, even when it's hard for us. And, in fact, the NTs feel that way too but they don't like that it applies to us.

It's a whole cliche people like to throw around, that it isn't easy to be a good person and that the only truly good people are the ones that doing it when it's hard too - that the easiest thing isn't always the right thing, all of that. They just don't like that those things apply to us too and therefore we are very much their definition of good people.

The world has so much stigma against us, and I'm sorry you're struggling with it, that any and all of you are. We shouldn't be treated this way as a result of us being mistreated as kids. It's not our fault, but we're labeled and demonized anyway. And it sucks, and even though it says everything about them and nothing about us, people believe them bc they're so used to thinking we're the scary ones so we must be wrong.

That seems to be slowly changing, and I hope I (and you) are around to see when it does.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

And finally the established Buddie in the workplace stories! One where they’ve already learned to contain themselves and one where well….. not such much

⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️ (anytime you need more TWATYTK emojis you just let me know and I’ll send them all! I absolutely adored last chapter with its beautiful father-son moments! Very excited to see what’s next plot wise!)

💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪💪 (oh eddie. In a torture chamber of his own making. Why am I not surprised? I am absolutely thrilled with it though and can’t wait to read the whole thing!)

Hope you have fun writing these Cal! As always I’m very grateful for every word you share!

- PCA <3

AHH love it.

75 for ⚡️ (I will ALWAYS take more of these. It's def my least requested one, which I understand. But I need to finish the damn thing)

---

 “But, yeah… This is an option.”

Buck nods. “Yeah… Probably, the right option, then?” 

“You do not have to decide over breakfast,” Bobby says reasonably. 

But they do have to decide eventually. So Eddie brings it up after their shift. 

“Is that what you want to do?” He asks on their drive home. “Use a surrogate?”

In the driver’s seat, Buck exhales loudly.

“Uh, I don’t know,” he admits. “I just want a kid, really. A baby, I think. I’d like a baby.”

“Yeah,” Eddie nods. “Me too.”

“Not that there’s anything wrong with adopting an older kid!” Buck adds quickly. Like Hen and Karen, who had recently adopted a young girl named Mara.

“No,” Eddie agrees. ‘There isn’t.”

“Just,” Buck says. “I guess… I want the experience from the start, if possible.”

Right. Because he didn’t meet Christopher until he was seven. That’s completely fair. 

“Honestly?” Eddie says. “Me too.”

Buck frowns a little. “Yeah. I guess that makes sense.”

Eddie’s not looking for any sort of pity or reassurance. It’s just the truth. He wasn’t there for so much of the beginning of Christopher’s life. Having a second kid won’t change that. It won’t make up for that. It won’t change the way Eddie feels about that. But once he’d overcome the feeling that he didn’t deserve another kid because of that, he’d been able to think a lot more about how he’d like to change, this time around. And, actually? For the most part? He likes what kind of parent he’s been. This time, he’d just like to be able to say that from day one.

“So maybe we look into it,” Eddie says. 

“We look into it?” Buck echoes.

“Surrogacy,” Eddie says. 

“Yeah?” Buck grins. “Okay.”

“It does seem like maybe that’s the direction that seems most…” Eddie trails off. He doesn’t know how to explain. 

“Fated?” Buck smirks. “Were you going to say fated?”

“Nope,” Eddie shakes his head. “Definitely not.”

“Liar,” Buck accuses. 

“Okay, well this is sort of insane timing,” Eddie concedes. 

Buck chuckles. “Sure is.”

“So, I’m guessing you’ll do a bunch of research?” Eddie asks. 

“It would be my pleasure.”

🗲🗲🗲

Buck does do his research. A lot of it. It turns out, while the process is extensive and potentially tiring and expensive, it’s straightforward enough. Legally, their rights and protections are pretty good as intended parents. As long as they do everything by the book, they’ll get a legally recognized child by the end of it. 

Which. Wow. The thought has Buck giddy and determined to figure this out. 

---

48 for 💪 (Yay thank you!!!!):

---

“Am I?” Buck takes another step forward.

“We’re at work,” Eddie reminds him.

“Off the clock,” Buck reminds him. “Alone.” 

“Still at work,” Eddie reasons. 

“I guess I should just get back to working out then,” Buck says. “Maybe you can spot for me?”

Eddie wants to strangle him. 

“You’d like that,” he grumbles. 

“I would,” Buck agrees. “Or, you know. You could go back to whatever it is you’re doing.”

“Exercising?” Eddie retorts. 

“Oh, come on,” Buck smirks. “You only do this when you’re frustrated.”

“I am frustrated,” Eddie says. “You are currently frustrating me.”

Buck smirks. “I’ll bet.”

“You’re so cocky,” Eddie complains.

Buck shrugs. “Mhm.”

Eddie honestly has no idea what Buck is doing, antagonizing him. Ruffling his feathers. It’s not great pre-date strategy. Except, well… Okay. It’s not terrible. Eddie still wants him. Badly. He’s just also very annoyed with him.

“What are we doing right now?” Eddie asks. 

“You tell me,” Buck shrugs. “I think I know why you came here.”

“I didn’t know you’d be here,” Eddie argues. 

“But you didn’t do something else, once you found out,” Buck replies. 

“That feels like poor logic,” Eddie argues. 

“What do you want, Eddie?” Buck asks. 

Eddie swallows. “I want you to put your damn arms away and stop taunting me.”

“Taunting?” Buck smiles, amused. “My arms are taunting you?”

“Yes!” Eddie snaps.

[nostalgebraist]

gpt-4 prediction: it won't be very useful

Word on the street says that OpenAI will be releasing "GPT-4" sometime in early 2023.

There's a lot of hype about it already, though we know very little about it for certain.

----------

People who like to discuss large language models tend to be futurist/forecaster types, and everyone is casting their bets now about what GPT-4 will be like. See e.g. here.

It would accord me higher status in this crowd if I were to make a bunch of highly specific, numerical predictions about GPT-4's capabilities.

I'm not going to do that, because I don't think anyone (including me) really can do this in a way that's more than trivially informed. At best I consider this activity a form of gambling, and at worst it will actively mislead people once the truth is known, blessing the people who "guessed lucky" with an undue aura of deep insight. (And if enough people guess, someone will "guess lucky.")

Why?

There has been a lot of research since GPT-3 on the emergence of capabilities with scale in LLMs, most notably BIG-Bench. Besides the trends that were already obvious with GPT-3 -- on any given task, increased scale is usually helpful and almost never harmful (cf. the Inverse Scaling Prize and my Section 5 here) -- there are not many reliable trends that one could leverage for forecasting.

Within the bounds of "scale almost never hurts," anything goes:

Some tasks improve smoothly, some are flatlined at zero then "turn on" discontinuously, some are flatlined at some nonzero performance level across all tested scales, etc. (BIG-Bench Fig. 7)

Whether a model "has" or "doesn't have" a capability is very sensitive to which specific task we use to probe that capability. (BIG-Bench Sections 3.4.3, 3.4.4)

Whether a model "can" or "can't do" a single well-defined task is highly sensitive to irrelevant details of phrasing, even for large models. (BIG-Bench Section 3.5)

It gets worse.

Most of the research on GPT capabilities (including BIG-Bench) uses the zero/one/few-shot classification paradigm, which is a very narrow lens that arguably misses the real potential of LLMs.

And, even if you fix some operational definition of whether a GPT "has" a given capability, the order in which the capabilities emerge is unpredictable, with little apparent relation to the subjective difficulty of the task. It took more scale for GPT-3 to learn relatively simple arithmetic than it did for it to become a highly skilled translator across numerous language pairs!

GPT-3 can do numerous impressive things already . . . but it can't understand Morse Code. The linked post was written before the release of text-davinci-003 or ChatGPT, but neither of those can do Morse Code either -- I checked.

On that LessWrong post asking "What's the Least Impressive Thing GPT-4 Won't be Able to Do?", I was initially tempted to answer "Morse Code." This seemed like as safe a guess as any, since no previous GPT was able to it, and it's certainly very unimpressive.

But then I stopped myself. What reason do I actually have to register this so-called prediction, and what is at stake in it, anyway?

I expect Morse Code to be cracked by GPTs at some scale. What basis to I have to expect this scale is greater than GPT-4's scale (whatever that is)? Like everything, it'll happen when it happens.

If I register this Morse Code prediction, and it turns out I am right, what does that imply about me, or about GPT-4? (Nothing.) If I register the prediction, and it turns out I am wrong, what does this imply . . . (Nothing.)

The whole exercise is frivolous, at best.

----------

So, here is my real GPT-4 prediction: it won't be very useful, and won't see much practical use.

Specifically, the volume and nature of its use will be similar to what we see with existing OpenAI products. There are companies using GPT-3 right now, but there aren't that many of them, and they mostly seem to be:

Established companies applying GPT in narrow, "non-revolutionary" use cases that play to its strengths, like automating certain SEO/copywriting tasks or synthetic training data generation for smaller text classifiers

Startups with GPT-3-centric products, also mostly "non-revolutionary" in nature, mostly in SEO/copywriting, with some in coding assistance

GPT-4 will get used to do serious work, just like GPT-3. But I am predicting that it will be used for serious work of roughly the same kind, in roughly the same amounts.

I don't want to operationalize this idea too much, and I'm fine if there's no fully unambiguous way to decide after the fact whether I was right or not. You know basically what I mean (I hope), and it should be easy to tell whether we are basically in a world where

Businesses are purchasing the GPT-4 enterprise product and getting fundamentally new things in exchange, like "the API writes good, publishable novels," or "the API performs all the tasks we expect of a typical junior SDE" (I am sure you can invent additional examples of this kind), and multiple industries are being transformed as a result

Businesses are purchasing the GPT-4 enterprise product to do the same kinds of things they are doing today with existing OpenAI enterprise products

However, I'll add a few terms that seem necessary for the prediction to be non-vacuous:

I expect this to be true for at least 1 year after the release of the commercial product. (I have no particular attachment to this timeframe, I just need a timeframe.)

My prediction will be false in spirit if the only limit on transformative applications of GPT-4 is monetary cost. GPT-3 is very pricey now, and that's a big limiting factor on its use. But even if its cost were far, far less, there would be other limiting factors -- primarily, that no one really knows how to apply its capabilities in the real world. (See below.)

(The monetary cost thing is why I can't operationalize this beyond "you know what I mean." It involves not just what actually happens, but what would presumably happen at a lower price point. I expect the latter to be a topic of dispute in itself.)

----------

Why do I think this?

First: while OpenAI is awe-inspiring as a pure research lab, they're much less skilled at applied research and product design. (I don't think this is controversial?)

When OpenAI releases a product, it is usually just one of their research artifacts with an API slapped on top of it.

Their papers and blog posts brim with a scientist's post-discovery enthusiasm -- the (understandable) sense that their new thing is so wonderfully amazing, so deeply veined with untapped potential, indeed so temptingly close to "human-level" in so many ways, that -- well -- it surely has to be useful for something! For numerous things!

For what, exactly? And how do I use it? That's your job to figure out, as the user.

But OpenAI's research artifacts are not easy to use. And they're not only hard for novices.

This is the second reason -- intertwined with the first, but more fundamental.

No one knows how to use the things OpenAI is making. They are new kinds of machines, and people are still making basic philosophical category mistakes about them, years after they first appeared. It has taken the mainstream research community multiple years to acquire the most basic intuitions about skilled LLM operation (e.g. "chain of thought") which were already known, long before, to the brilliant internet eccentrics who are GPT's most serious-minded user base.

Even if these things have immense economic potential, we don't know how to exploit it yet. It will take hard work to get there, and you can't expect used car companies and SEO SaaS purveyors to do that hard work themselves, just to figure out how to use your product. If they can't use it, they won't buy it.

It is as though OpenAI had discovered nuclear fission, and then went to sell it as a product, as follows: there is an API. The API has thousands of mysterious knobs (analogous to the opacity and complexity of prompt programming etc). Any given setting of the knobs specifies a complete design for a fission reactor. When you press a button, OpenAI constructs the specified reactor for you (at great expense, billed to you), and turns it on (you incur the operating expenses). You may, at your own risk, connect the reactor to anything else you own, in any manner of your choosing.

(The reactors come with built-in safety measures, but they're imperfect and one-size-fits-all and opaque. Sometimes your experimentation starts to get promising, and then a little pop-up appears saying "Whoops! Looks like your reactor has entered an unsafe state!", at which point it immediately shuts off.)

It is possible, of course, to reap immense economic value from nuclear fission. But if nuclear fission were "released" in this way, how would anyone ever figure out how to capitalize on it?

We, as a society, don't know how to use large language models. We don't know what they're good for. We have lots of (mostly inadequate) ways of "measuring" their "capabilities," and we have lots of (poorly understood, unreliable) ways of getting them to do things. But we don't know where they fit in to things.

Are they for writing text? For conversation? For doing classification (in the ML sense)? And if we want one of these behaviors, how do we communicate that to the LLM? What do we do with the output? Do they work well in conjunction with some other kind of system? Which kind, and to what end?

In answer to these questions, we have numerous mutually exclusive ideas, which all come with deep implementation challenges.

To anyone who's taken a good look at LLMs, they seem "obviously" good for something, indeed good for numerous things. But they are provably, reliably, repeatably good for very few things -- not so much (or not only) because of their limitations, but because we don't know how to use them yet.

This, not scale, is the current limiting factor on putting LLMs to use. If we understood how to leverage GPT-3 optimally, it would be more useful (right now) than GPT-4 will be (in reality, next year).

----------

Finally, the current trend in LLM techniques is not very promising.

Everyone -- at least, OpenAI and Google -- is investing in RLHF. The latest GPTs, including ChatGPT, are (roughly) the last iteration of GPT with some RLHF on top. And whatever RLHF might be good for, it is not a solution for our fundamental ignorance of how to use LLMs.

Earlier, I said that OpenAI was punting the problem of "figure out how to use this thing" to the users. RLHF effectively punts it, instead, to the language model itself. (Sort of.)

RLHF, in its currently popular form, looks like:

Some humans vaguely imagine (but do not precisely nail down the parameters of) a hypothetical GPT-based application, a kind of super-intelligent Siri.

The humans take numerous outputs from GPT, and grade them on how much they feel like what would happen in the "super-intelligent Siri" fantasy app.

The GPT model is updated to make the outputs with high scores more likely, and the ones with low scores less likely.

The result is a GPT model which often talks a lot like the hypothetical super-intelligent Siri.

This looks like an easier-to-use UI on top of GPT, but it isn't. There is still no well-defined user interface.

Or rather, the nature of the user interface is being continually invented by the language model, anew in every interaction, as it asks itself "how would (the vaguely imagined) super-intelligent Siri respond in this case?"

If a user wonders "what kinds of things is it not allowed to do?", there is no fixed answer. All there is is the LM, asking itself anew in each interaction what the restrictions on a hypothetical fantasy character might be.

It is role-playing a world where the user's question has an answer. But in the real world, the user's question does not have an answer.

If you ask ChatGPT how to use it, it will roleplay a character called "Assistant" from a counterfactual world where "how do I use Assistant?" has a single, well-defined answer. Because it is role-playing -- improvising -- it will not always give you the same answer. And none of the answers are true, about the real world. They're about the fantasy world, where the fantasy app called "Assistant" really exists.

This facade does make GPT's capabilities more accessible, at first blush, for novice users. It's great as a driver of adoption, if that's what you want.

But if Joe from Midsized Normal Mundane Corporation wants to use GPT for some Normal Mundane purpose, and can't on his first try, this role-play trickery only further confuses the issue.

At least in the "design your own fission reactor" interface, it was clear how formidable the challenge was! RLHF does not remove the challenge. It only obscures it, makes it initially invisible, makes it (even) harder to reason about.

And this, judging from ChatGPT (and Sparrow), is apparently what the makers of LLMs think LLM user interfaces should look like. This is probably what GPT-4's interface will be.

And Joe from Midsized Normal Mundane Corporation is going to try it, and realize it "doesn't work" in any familiar sense of the phrase, and -- like a reasonable Midsized Normal Mundane Corporation employee -- use something else instead.

ETA: I forgot to note that OpenAI expects dramatic revenue growth in 2023 and especially in 2024. Ignoring a few edge case possibilities, either their revenue projection will come true or the prediction in this post will, but not both. We'll find out!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi guys! Got an anon ask with some triggers, so I'm copying it here so I can put a 'read more.'

TW: ED, SH

Here's the original ask:

hey Cas!

hru today? <3

I rlly don’t wanna bother u but I just need some advice bc I’m in a pretty tricky situation and I don’t know who I couldn’t turn to who wouldn’t then tell OTHER people (adults etc)

also a TW b4 anyone reads further: ED (not me but a a friend) and generally bad mental health (including sh and sui)

Basically I have this friend (one of my best friends) who’s struggled with really bad mental health and attempted in the past (we weren’t friends during this time but they’ve shared it with me) they have told me they no longer sh but I’m not entirely sure if I believe him on that but I guess there’s nothing to do except just take their word for it and they are definitely doing better than they were before (about a year or two ago)

thing is this friend does still have a (pretty bad I think) ED (specifically I think they have anorexia but I’m really not sure because I don’t know that much about EDs. I’ve tried to do some research but it’s actually incredibly hard to find any info about them especially in terms of ways to emotionally show support. In a medical sense they always seemed to be talked about like minor things(?) idk it’s hard to explain but often times I’ve been reading actual factual medical stuff and just been disgusted at the ways it’s discussed, like they try so hard to describe it from a technical viewpoint that they essentially the entire mental health aspect of it which kind of demeans the whole thing bc EDs ARE a mental health disorder)

sorry went on a little side rant there but basically I’ve tried to find stuff out but it’s really hard to learn about the mental health aspect and even harder to find stuff out about how to HELP someone through an ED

I’ve even resorted to looking thru some more unsavoury places for info (including anablr), I know these types of places encourage EDs and I am actually not a person who really loves their body very much but I do think I’m in a strong enough place emotionally to do this (and so far I’ve been correct, I’m unaffected) because I just wanted some actual insight on what it’s like

the problem with my friend is that she’s ALREADY in therapy. Her parents put her in it when they found out about her vaping habit but they just lie all the time (she tells me about it) because they have like serious trust issues due to past trauma and I’m gonna be honest, I 100% believe therapy is a good thing but sadly it is also entirely useless if the person doesn’t make any effort to get better

all I can do in that aspect of it is hope the therapy is going better than the jokes he makes about it or that eventually she will feel comfortable enough to share and process her issues

in terms of the ED what im really lost with is how to help

and don’t get me wrong, I know you can’t really help a person who doesn’t want to be helped but honestly I’m not giving up on this person I care about that easily. I will NOT be another person in their life who abandons them for being ‘too much’ or ‘too difficult’. I’ve already accepted the fact that I will not be able to help them out of it really (as best as I can at least)

I’ve already taken to carrying gum and mints in my school bag as much as I can (usually I’ll have a pack of both and I just share them with everyone so this person doesn’t actually catch wind that they’re the reason I do as quite often when they skip lunch they do help themselves to a few of my mints or gum pieces but ik if they knew it was for them they’d stop bc she’s just like that)

I just don’t know how else to help emotionally though, I’m one of the only people (I might be the ONLY person at all) that they feel comfortable enough to talk to about these issues and I just think its better that they’re telling someone who cares about them and is trying to help than telling no one at all which seems to be the alternative. The issue is I don’t know how to respond or show support especially because (thank u trust issues and trauma (/s) the window of vulnerability is SMALL (I’m talking a couple of seconds literally) before they’re joking and changing the subject

Also a small (but frankly compared to the rest of this, not very important) detail is that like I previously mentioned I am also not suuuper happy with my body ( I don’t sh really or have an ED in any way shape or form) and sometimes the stuff he says slightly upsets me (just like once I told him about how my mean grandma told me I was fat and had to eat less and he said his grandma forces him to eat more and that my grandma ‘sounds like her wet dream’ - I know this was just a joke obviously but I didn’t rlly love it considering my grandma is a pretty big source of my looks based insecurities)

like I said in no way is it on the same level and obviously I know it’s not coming from a place of malice because this friend also really looks out for my mental health like way more than my other friends tbh (I don’t know if it’s bc they struggled with it or whether they’re the only one who seems to notice I’m the therapist friend haha but they are the FIRST person to ask if anything’s wrong if I’m acting different and I rlly want to stress that because I know that from what I’ve said so far they may have come across as selfish or something but they are actually one of the kindest people ever) that’s especially why I’m worried if I bring anything up about wanting to help with little things or especially anything about not being a fan of little jokes that she’ll just stop talking about it at all in an attempt to make me feel more comfortable)

for context for all of this, I’m 15 (we both are) so still in school and they’re parents absolutely SUCK (in the most non violent way possible I would like to kill them [not actually but I do really hate them and wish them only the worst]) so there’s no emotional support coming from home for him

I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this in real life because (for privacy reasons) they’ve asked me not to share it with like my other friends and I don’t have the greatest relationship with my parents (they’re not like abusive or neglectful or anything but we just have a lot of differences and just I’ve very much emotionally distanced myself from them)

sorry if this is too much because I do know it’s a really tricky situation and even though all of us sort of deify you, you’re still only one person and if this does make you uncomfortable or upset (not just if it’s triggering I mean just in general if you’re reading this and you don’t feel comfortable) in anyway please don’t force yourself to answer or feel guilty if you don’t because the last thing I’d want to do is put you in that kind of position

Im not sure if ill send in more anons but if I do then ill refer to myself (and you can call me) lacy anon so you know who I am (yes after the song bc i rlly love it haha)

Anyway sending lots and lots of love from the person who does basically look up to you as their adult role model and who I wanna be like when I’m older <3

Hi love! You're not bothering me at all!

So, first, I want to let you know that I am an adult, but when I say this, I hope you don't take it as...condescending, I guess? Because I don't mean it that way at all. I want to be realistic in the fact that these things you are dealing with are VERY grown-up and scary, and you are handling them in a remarkably mature way, but you are still legally fifteen.

This is way too much for a fifteen year old to take on.

You genuinely seem like the most amazing person. The fact that you have done research and carry around things for your friends, all to help them with their ED is frankly restoring my faith in humanity a bit. But I worry that you are placing WAY too much of the responsibility on yourself. I don't mean to be bleak or too blunt, but if god forbid anything ever happened, I would hate for you to blame yourself, and it sounds like you would. Your job is to be this person's friend. Not their therapist or caretaker.

So, here's my advice: I absolutely agree that you should not give up on them! But make sure you have boundaries. It broke my heart to read that you were going to places like anablr just to help- that's not healthy for you! As a friend, especially at your age, your most important job is to make sure your friend doesn't feel alone. And you're doing an amazing job, in my opinion. They seem to be willing to talk to you, and that's a big deal. But, in the best way, you are fifteen, and you don't have to have all the answers! Sometimes, the best way to support someone is to remind them that they are loved and they have someone in their corner. BUT remember that being there for someone doesn't mean you have to sacrifice yourself or your mental health. Say something if a joke makes you uncomfortable. "I love you so much, but that joke makes me feel uncomfortable. Can you maybe not joke like that?" It's okay and healthy to set those boundaries.

Please remember, you are not responsible for this person. You can love them and be there for them and care deeply, but you are responsible for you and your own health. Don't forget you.

My last very gentle suggestion is this: If you ever get to the point that you are so genuinely worried about this friend that you think it is a life-or-death situation, please don't take that on by yourself. I know it is scary, and I know that telling adults mean that there can be ramifications, but remember that if you are genuinely scared, then an adult needs to be there to keep everyone safe. Very bluntly: Trust can be rebuilt but you can't bring people back from some other very permanent decisions.

Again, you are a wonderful person, and a fantastic friend. But remember to take yourself into account and stay safe in all ways. I know this is probably not the advice you want to hear, but I hope maybe you'll consider it.

Sending so much love! <3 <3 <3