#and who better to do it with than our sad traumatized bois

[jamesisasimp]

Some Black brothers angst for you tonight

[nevermeyers]

Yeah, I know I said I'd keep quiet about it because I plan on ignoring the ending. I've done it plenty of times, even with books I consider my favorites. "Oh this book is so good, it's one of my faves... How does it end? I don't remember." I'm going to do that with jjk because I've done it more times. Anyways.

Seriously, where's the character development? Why dedicate an entire chapter to showing how much criticism affects you and making excuses for your narrative instead of fixing it? Gege could have written about the characters and their problems, their worries, their evolution even while talking about how the politics of jujutsu world are changing rn.

What are Nobara's thoughts right now? There could have been an entire chapter dedicated to her character to fill in the gaps and finish defining her, what about her mother? How does she feel about her childhood friends? What are her plans now?

What about Megumi? Yeah, seeing him laugh was therapeutic, but honestly his character hasn't had the development/ending I expected. The timeskip was weird, his acting is literally the same as the beginning of the manga. It feels like I'm reading the same person who appeared in chapter one and not a traumatized boy who is learning to live. Where is Itadori teaching him that it's actually worth moving on? Where's the whole PTSD thing I'm sure he has? (fuck megumi haters btw fuck them, and fuck the way they victim blamed a kid). What are his thoughts about Gojo? About Sukuna?

Yuuji... Our mc. I was expecting to see him mourning Choso, mourning Gojo. But no, apparently it's more important to explain that there was a secret society (lmao) than to have him show respect and tears for those people he loved. His family, who he never got to spend time with, and his sensei, who decided not to execute him and who taught him almost everything he knows. I wanted to see him taking his friends to the movies to see some B-movie horror instead of going through the horror of watching characters insult him and tell him that it's better if he were dead.

And yes, I know there are two chapters left and some of the things I mention here might appear, but we've already wasted our time with one chapter, that's many pages. There won't be time to fix whatever is this. I feel bad :/

Now, one of the things that bothers me the most is that there are characters that were implied to be dead and now suddenly appear alive. I thought this was about letting the new generations create a fair world, but no. Do you know which character bothers me the most? Mei Mei. No, I'm not against someone writing sa/csa in fiction as long as it's not romanticized (I accept the unreliable narrator because that happens a lot irl and it's sad). The thing is that Mei Mei literally embodies the values ​​of the jujutsu world. In the jujutsu clans there was everything, sexism, abuse, neglect and most likely incest since (at least that's how I see it) they are like the monarchies of the Middle Ages. Mei Mei is the embodiment of all those rotten values ​​that Gojo hated, that the new generations are destined to eradicate. Seriously. What is she doing alive? Take her out rn. Gojo didn't die for this.

I read someone saying that maybe the point of this chapter isn't to break the cycle, but to repeat it. I have to say that I'm a big fan of that trope! It reminds me that humans repeat the same mistakes, but even if that were the point I think it wouldn't be well written.

There came a point in the story where both options: love is worthless and love is worth it were acceptable by the end of the manga. This is the ending where love is worth it, but why hasn't anything changed? The characters we saw in 269 are almost exactly the same we saw in chapter number one.

If this is a story about how love is worth it, accept the consequences and write characters who, thanks to love, move forward and build a new world instead of neutralizing any kind of development

[punkeccentricenigma]

Can I pretty please request the rise boys having a significant other that knows how to mimic their comfort characters voices? Like a voice impressionist <333

Rise!Boys with Reader, who can mimic voices.

Relationship status: Romantic

Reader prounouns: They/Them

TW: Some grammatical errors because english is not my first language, Handling stress in an unhealthy way in the parts with Raph and Leo

A/N:

I'm sorry for the long wait! Lately, I've been under a lot of stress, and I tend to overthink to the point that, while writing, I also translate text, watch YouTube, and anime to replace my thoughts with something better. I apologize again! And I'm sorry if these headcanons suck! And don't worry, I'll fulfill all orders! I won't forget any of them! Please be patient!

Leonardo

◇Let's be honest, after the Kraang invasion, he's traumatized, or at least has many moments of weakness where he needs comfort.

◇During those times, he often immerses himself in various comics or shows to forget what happened.

◇So one day, as he slowly began to stress over memories and didn't have access to the aforementioned things, you stepped in.

◇It's not like Leo didn't know your skills; he heard often and even insisted that you imitate his brothers to make fun of them.

◇Which kind of annoyed Donatello a bit; he didn't like being mocked that way.

◇Anyway, you started by imitating Jupiter Jim's voice, knowing he's one of the boy's parental figures.

"My boy! Don't give up yet! Furry creatures are attacking our base!"

◇Expect a shocked face, and then a wide smile.

"You didn't tell me you could imitate these type of voices!!"

◇He was really impressed.

◇After that, you just started role-playing for fun because why not? Lmao

◇Thanks to that, the boy felt much better <33

Raphael

◇Let's not kid ourselves, Raph didn't handle stress very well when he was the leader of the Mad Dogs.

◇He just didn't want to let his brothers down! His father! April, or definitely you! He wouldn't forgive himself if something happened to you because of his incompetence.

◇That's why he often buried all those negative emotions deep within himself to replace them with fake joy or a smile.

◇But since you've been in a relationship with him for some time, and you've known him even longer, you knew something was bothering him.

◇So you often tried to talk to him about it, but the response was always the same.

"Oh, I'm fine! Really, you don't have to worry about me."

◇You didn't want to give up, but was there any way out of this situation? What could you do? You decided to take a break from it.

◇Finally, it came to a boiling point when you started playing Jenga in his room.

◇During the game, you could feel the scent of stress coming from him. You should get him deodorant sometime... Do deodorants work on reptiles??

◇In the end, Raphael lost, but he reacted differently than usual. He wasn't sulky, he wasn't embarrassed, and fired up for the next round... he was aggressive.

◇And he scattered the remaining blocks around his room, cursing.

"Screw this, I've had enough!"

◇You immediately reacted, calling his name in a firm tone.

"Raph! What are you doing!? It's just a game!"

◇He looked at you with a stunningly negative expression, accentuated by furrowed brow bones, and then all of that turned into a suffocating sight of sadness, with transparent tears soaking the red mask. He cracked; he finally cracked.

◇In a slow voice, he began to apologize, burying his head in shame between his spiky arms.

◇Finally, you started talking about what was bothering him, accompanied by his crying at some words. You tried to listen to him, hug him, comfort him with kind words, but you felt that in this situation, it might be too little, much too little.

◇So you looked around, and a risky but interesting idea came to your mind.

◇After a moment of searching through Raph's drawers, you stood in front of him in a proud pose, wearing on your wrists the distinctive spiked bracelets that were definitely too big for you.

"What are you doing?" Raphael asked in a sluggish tone, tilting his head slightly to the side. Emotionally, he had no strength for anything; he just wanted to sleep. [Y.N] had a satisfying smile on their lips.

"Hear this! I will kidnap Peach OVER and OVER until I pull it off! And no one can stop me! Losing is not an option! And neither is giving up!"

◇On his face, just like Leo, a painted shock appeared. You never boasted about being able to imitate voices! Amazing.

◇He's genuinely thrilled with this discovery.

"Oh, here you are, princess! Accept my love, or I'll kidnap you and lock you in my fortress forever!"

◇A genuine laugh escaped from the boy's lips, causing a blush of satisfaction on your face. Even though Bowser was Raphael's favorite comfort character, Peach was second, so why not play out such a scene?

◇And so, for the rest of the evening, you chased each other around the Lair, playing your roles, and incidentally involving the others in the fun.

◇Raph felt at least momentarily free from unhealthy stress, and he's grateful to you for that.

Donatello

◇"Oh fuck, damn it, I'm about to smash this thing--!"

◇Yes, this string of curses was uttered by none other than the teenage genius Donatello Hamato. And why? It's simple; he was trying to improve one of his battle shells, but for the past few hours, he couldn't get anything done.

◇His mind was exhausted, and his three-fingered hands ached every time he took one of his screwdrivers. He couldn't take it anymore!

◇Finally, Mikey suggested he take a break from it all, so Donnie put on his favorite purple hoodie and left the house. Where could he go? Simple.

"Oh, hey D, what's up?" [Y.N]'s voice echoed through their room as they noticed the window opening out of the corner of their eye. Soft-shell didn't respond, and if anything, he snorted softly as he closed the entrance and sat down next to the teenager who was currently sitting on the floor, leaning against their bed while watching an anime he wasn't familiar with yet. "Everything okay?" They asked, this time giving theri full attention to the boy next to them. His face indicated negative emotions, which worried [Y.N.] a bit.

"Not really." that's all that came out of the boy's mouth as he tucked his hands into his pockets and rested his head on their shoulder.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know."

◇Now you were quite worried about your boyfriend. Something must have happened, and Donnie needed comfort.

◇You suggested rewatching his favorite series where Atomic Lass appeared, and the boy agreed.

◇You knew that this character was his childhood idol, and knowing from your experiences, every child would want to hear something nice from their favorite character, so you decided to take a risk.

"You can do it, Donnie!"

◇You felt the boy shudder, and he immediately pulled away to look at you with disbelief written on those artificial eyebrows. He had known about your skills for a long time, but usually, they were used for ordinary jokes.

◇You smiled slightly, leaning closer to the turtle.

"Now, will you tell me what happened?"

◇And miraculously, it worked. Your boyfriend struggled a bit, but he finally shared what was bothering him, allowing you to support him.

◇And then there was fun with voice imitations again.

"Oh, oh! Do Dio! Or Gojo!"

Michelangelo

◇Mikey knew from the very beginning of your relationship that you had excellent voice imitation skills.

◇He even used that (with your permission, of course) to dub his webcomics!

◇However, other than that, you didn't use this skill until now.

◇Because your boyfriend was going through a slight breakdown related to drawing, specifically facing an art block.

◇So when he once again threw his pencil and started acting like a sulking child over the lack of a lollipop, you decided to step in.

◇Knowing that one of his comfort characters is Yatora Yaguchi, you decided to imitate him right then.

"Give yourself some time, Mikey!"

◇He looked at you slightly surprised from behind his shoulders, and a moment later, he smiled warmly.

◇Honestly, comforting Mikey is the easiest thing, so after a while, he took a break to spend time with you.

[happypanda101]

How Sakura’s Love Interest Ruined Her Character Development

Alright. I promise this is the last Sakura related content I’ll do for a while. But after seeing several other people on here talk about about this subject, I thought it would be interesting to discuss. This isn’t gonna be a full on analysis, rather my thoughts as someone who loves Sakura and was disappointed to see how her character was handled in canon.

I think a lot of the fandom can be agree that Sakura’s biggest flaw was her love for Sasuke. Love is typically supposed to be a character’s strength, but unfortunately for our pink cherry blossom, it’s her weakness. And her downfall.

Now, I’ve already made it clear what my feelings on SasuSaku are. I like the pairing, they could have been better developed and aren’t nearly terrible as people claim they are. However, it would be ignorant of me to not acknowledge that canon Sasusaku is… kinda shitty.

Don’t get my wrong, they have their cute moments in blank period, like Sasuke asking Sakura to wear the clan crest, but things start going downhill when they get married and the plot of Burrito rolls around. Sakura is left to be a single mother while Sasuke is off god knows where for that stupid space alien/ “remains of Kaguya” whatever plot. Sasuke never writes to check up on his family, it’s implied that Sarada doesn’t remember him at all or what he looks like, and Sakura is left there trying to assure her poor daughter that Sasuke is doing this because he loves them. But when Sasuke comes back, he rarely acknowledges or wants to spend time with them at all. Not to mention, he seems to care more about Naruto’s kid than his own. Naruto suffers from this problem as well, but that’s a discussion for another time.

For the canon endgame, Kishimoto certainly doesn’t write any of his characters being happy in their relationships.

Anyway, Sakura and her character development. It may not have been grand as her teammates, but it was still there. Sakura went from a naive girl that was obsessed with boys and her looks to someone who acknowledged that she had to work harder if she wanted to help and protect those she cared for. She went from disliking and envying Naruto to someone who was willing to throw her ninja career away so her friend could follow his dream. She wanted to help Naruto to bring Sasuke back, but realized she wasn’t strong enough, so she went to Tsuande for help and become a damn good medical ninja as a result. She became more confident in herself and was always there to support her friends. She never needed an epic fight or a tramatic backstory, I would say her development was pretty great.

But then all of that gets thrown away whenever Sasuke comes into the picture. Sakura may be able to stand up for others, but never does she stand up for herself when it comes to Sasuke. When he belittles her in the War Arc for simply asking him what was going on, she gets all quiet and sad. Defeated. Worst part is that Naruto can’t even stand up for her properly.

The kunoichi who broke off Kaguya’s horn and aided in sealing her, therefore saving the world, is left a begging, whimpering mess for Sasuke to come back to her, to come back to team 7. And what does she get in return? A genjustu of him killing her.

And just when you think oh this has to finally get her to realize that she can do so much better than him, or at least get her to step back and reevaluate her feelings, let her spend time away from him, it’s just forgotten about! Forget traumatizing and hurting her, it’s okay because Sasuke apologized and now she wants to go with him. Don’t get me wrong, I do think that was a genuine apology, but the fact that she was just expected to forgive him at the snap of a finger was infuriating. And down right sad.

It doesn’t help that nobody else comments on it, or tells Sakura “hey, what he did was pretty shitty, you didn’t deserve that.” Or stand up for her at all. Kakashi kinda did, but it was so weak.

In Naruto, a woman’s role is to support the men, because what else are they good for? And if they ever move on from a guy they like, they’re a “terrible person,” in Kishimoto’s words. Whatever improved or developed Sakura’s character, it reverted backwards or was simply forgotten for Sasuke. Because Sakura loves him, she can never disagree or argue or fight with him, because that would make her a bad person.

Sakura had the potential to become one of the greatest heroines in anime, but that was all thrown away becasue of her misogynistic creator and his idiotic editors. She deserved better, every female character in Naruto deserved better, and burrito should have never happened because it’s an abomination to the Naruto franchise.

[realrichinmyhead]

﹡ ' 𝐛𝐮𝐳𝐳 ' 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

( ૮₍´˶• . •🎀₎ა ) : ────────── dialogues taken from niki's album , ‘ buzz ’ . dialogues range from happy , sad , angry and more . edit and change as you deem necessary . please like and / or reblog if using and consider following !

❛ be a big boy and face the fucking truth. ❜

❛ what happened to making a light of every problem? ❜

❛ but real love is a verb, i get it now. ❜

❛ i don't need to know where you're at. ❜

❛ . . .but i'll be fine cause i always end up just fine. ❜

❛ not to jinx it, but i wanna be the reason your future lovers keep changing with the seasons. ❜

❛ who am i if i can't be everybody's strong girl? ❜

❛ my youth is in your past. you'll always have that. ❜

❛ so you wanna talk? ❜

❛ what is it that you want? ❜

❛ life is a gamble, and you'll have to live with that. ❜

❛ but you still smile at a stranger, and you still make your weekend plans. ❜

❛ did you like her in the morning? ❜

❛ i feel like hot shit. ❜

❛ is this what the kids call petty? ❜

❛ though it didn't last, i hope our paths cross again. ❜

❛ soften up where i used to harden. ❜

❛ no one will ever save you. no one and nothing can. ❜

❛ so what do you say? ❜

❛ no, guys, i swear he's not emotionally unavailable. he's just traumatized. ❜

❛ you came crashing in like an act of god. ❜

❛ goddamn it, i'm at least somebody's strong girl. ❜

❛ i wanna be an itch you can't scratch. ❜

❛ did all the pretending help you forget? ❜

❛ i get the feeling that you're something that will surely go wrong. ❜

❛ no, you don't get to drop my name. ❜

❛ and you look around your bedroom, you're all alone again. ❜

❛ did you laugh over cold cups of coffee that you hate but still drink anyway? ❜

❛ the difference may be subtle, but it would have saved us. ❜

❛ wanna make out in your car in the lot of a drug store. ❜

❛ you put on a show when there's nothing else to say. ❜

❛ so you take it easy and i'll take my time. ❜

❛ i couldn't care less if this ends, in the end. ❜

❛ so you hang up, and you're not sure if you wanna cry or laugh. ❜

❛ now i'm always afraid to take up space, yet doing it anyway. ❜

❛ are you the exception or do i just like your music taste? ❜

❛ you care more about being good than being good to me. ❜

❛ people fall in love and fuck up. ❜

❛ and take my word for it, knowing you made me better. ❜

❛ it's like you've known me through all my past lives. ❜

❛ say it with your hands and we can talk all night long. ❜

❛ and i've kept you at an arm's length but now my shoulder's sore. ❜

❛ i look like a tough shot in the dark on a good day. ❜

❛ and now you expect me to wanna get brunch? ❜

❛ i wanna be wherever you are. ❜

❛ now i may very well have just lost the one. ❜

❛ maybe it won't be a sure thing, but it sure is a good thing. ❜

❛ did you like her touch at night time? ❜

❛ do i think you deserve this? my answer doesn't matter. ❜

❛ i'm tired of playing pretend. ❜

❛ i know it'd be easier if i just didn't ask, but it'd also be easier if she wasn't your last. ❜

❛ i hope that it was worth it. ❜

❛ i don't wanna be your friend. ❜

❛ what are the odds that you actually like me, and not just the chase? probably embarrassingly low. ❜

❛ the song's about to start. can you hear it? ❜

❛ and i'll take the dog on a drive somewhere. and you take care. ❜

❛ fuck, i think i'm falling for you. ❜

❛ why can't you look at what's in front of you? ❜

❛ well, you look like you're gonna break my heart. ❜

❛ it's out of my hands to wanna feel yours. ❜

❛ i hope she stubs her toe next time she texts. ❜

❛ i'm about to fall for you. ❜

❛ does it feel heavy now to look at me instеad? ❜

❛ but i don't believe in mistakes, i know that's convenient to say. ❜

❛ i get the feeling that this feeling isn't one meant to last anyway. ❜

❛ yeah, i'm gonna play the shit out of the blame game. ❜

❛ something's always missing ❜

❛ guess what i'm trying to say is i'd rather die than be friends. ❜

❛ bro, if you like her, just go and fucking tell her. ❜

❛ no, guys, i swear he's not a lost cause, it's just he hasn't met the girl that'll fix his life. ❜

❛ wish you'd focus on what's in front of you right now. ❜

❛ you can do your own thing, look, the choice is yours. ❜

❛ baby, look me in the eye and say you don't got it bad. ❜

❛ wondering why you're so nervous 'round a so-called "friend". ❜

❛ did you hope the nights would never ever end? ❜

❛ something tells me this is gonna hurt someday. ❜

❛ but i can't help that i'm the thing you're looking for. ❜

❛ don't talk to me about your last date. ❜

[itzgruvia]

Gruvia fanfiction: hurt/comfort, sad and a little bit of fluff by the end.

Warning: mention of self-harm, depression, anxiety, bullying, and blood.

Original posted in AO3

____________________________________________

Juvia was never one to indulge herself into someone's personal business, unless she was asked for.

She was private herself, and she never wanted to ask for help or advice concerning her anxiety disorder, even if she deeply wanted to seek their comfort, but this isn't about Juvia.

it was about her only lover, her sweet man, and compassionate boyfriend.

Through out their intimacy and romantic relationship-which was still developing- they always tried to share their problems, their insecurities, it has been difficult for both, especially for a person like Gray, always wearing a ghost-like shield to separate his friends from his life.

Juvia could say the same thing about herself, mostly because she doesn't want to bother people.

But they went through this, they discussed about it and how they'll try to lean on each other when it gets too hard, and so far they have been showing a little bit of vulnerability.

At least that's what Juvia thought.

It was a late afternoon, Juvia was finally done with her classes and ready to join her friends in the FT salon room, and end the evening with a nap, she can feel a headache coming to upturn her night.

She wanted to take the stairs rather than the elevator, to get her legs pumping after sitting in the hard wooden chairs in her class, it makes her legs numb and uncomfortable, And once she was about to take the next stairs, she heard murmuring, two people were conversing in hushed tones. it didn't take her too long to realize who thery were.

Gray and Erza, of course no one can miss her orotund voice.

Juvia knows they were having a private conversation, something she shouldn't be listening to, but she couldn't budge from her crouching position ( how did she get to crouch in the first place?).

She wasn't jealous, she is very much confident about that, because she knows better than be jealous of Erza, and despite her overriding imagination and her traumatic past that deprived her from having any trust towards her new friends, she believed that Erza is better than a cheating friend. moreover, she wouldn't do this to Jellal, or Gray or to her.

But Juvia had a feeling that this might be something she had to hear, even if she'll feel guilty after it.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Erza asked, rarely does Juvia get to hear worry laced in her voice.

"Yeah" Gray replied, although it took him a brief moment to do so. Matter of fact, she noticed how tired he got in the last few days, but she didn't worry too much about it, she assumed it might be university loads of assignments.

"You know you can talk to me about anything" she assured the boy, a weird sense of worrisome began to crawl over Juvia; why is she pushing him to speak up? must there be some history that Gray didn't bother to mention to her?

"I am alright Erza... trust me" he responded.

there was quietness for a moment, Juvia urged to take a little peak from where she is hiding but she doesn't want to risk being founded, it will cause problems and Gray might even be disgusted and break up with her and all her friends will find her weird and leave her alone like before-

her exaggerated overthinking stopped abruptly when she heard the rustling of fabrics.

she carefully leaned to see that Erza was rubbing his arm in comfort. It was all peculiar to her.... well maybe not new but unusual, especially to Gray, she isn't that affectionate compared to Natsu and Lucy.

Well, if Juvia were to be general, the Red haired woman was never this gentle with anyone but she has her motherly moments.

so this was very surprising for Juvia, and it made the worrying pit in her stomach stronger.

"If ... you have the idea of doin-"

" I am not going to do it" he retorted, in a rather sharp manner, he sighed after a moment.

"I swear it's nothing like that... I'm just tired" he added, less bothered than before.

"Alright... let me know when you need me, okay?" gripping his shoulder gently, Juvia could see the nod of her boyfriend; he agreed.

once they started to move, Juvia panicked for a second, if they do find her here she'll throw a bunch of stuttering words thus making her look like an idiot and ending her perfect romance.

but instead, they both agreed to take the elevator down to the common room ( which made her remember to go there as soon as she undress from her outfit), fortunately for her, she doesn't have to stand in an awkward anxiety inducing situation.

Once she heard their voices disappearing and the sound of the elevator, she slowly left her hiding place and ran upstairs to her dorm floor, all while her brain is racking through what she had heard.

Gray is hiding something from her and he doesn't want to tell her. That's one thing she is confident about.

But what she doesn't know is the content, what he is going through, is it bigger problem than she can imagine? She has never seen Erza that worried and particulary towards Gray.

it says a lot.

the loud chattering of her friends didn't distract her from her circling thoughts about Gray, he was sitting next her, their knees touching while arguing with Lucy about whatever topic that Juvia didn't bother to listen to.

She doesn't know if she should ask him about it, she feels like she might be pushing him into a corner and making him pour out his stress out and that's not something Gray is found of, she knew that by experience and she doesn't want to make the same mistake.

However, she is scared, what if ... it's a huge thing that concerns his life? She knows that Gray tasted that empty sense of life once when he was young, he told her that and Juvia cried by the end which made Gray nervous.

And what if Gray isn't happy? what if he doesn't want to ... go on anymore? she can't always trust his pretty smile, she can't be reassured by that even if she knows him by the back of her hand.

"Juvia?" her beloved's sexy! voice called out to her, while nudging her knee with his slightly. She snapped out of her haze, and looked at him.

he didn't look all worried but the usual frown on his face slightly changed, something that meant that he was observing her silent demeanor.

once she immediately set her eyes on his beautiful handsome face, she fought against the overthinking of hers. Gray would do that no more, not after what he told her; the fact that she was here with him and breathing with him was enough for him to continue living (his words not hers).

so maybe Juvia is overthinking it.

"what are you thinking about?" , he asked.

she blinked, feeling nervous after she got caught dazing in front of her friends, although she couldn't see Lucy in her spot anymore.

"it's nothing, just some assignments to do" she chuckled to hide the nervousness from her voice, but she knows that she failed just by forcing that small laugh from her lips.

Gray kept looking at her, an invitation to vent about whatever is eating her up, but Juvia doesn't know how she can bring forth a subject that concerns him, plus how can she tell him that she was eavesdropping into a private conversation?

.... it's not like she followed them, it was a coincidence.

However, if she stores this worry to herself, it will haunt her tonight, and she has an assignment test tomorrow, she can't afford to go without sleep in her system (not like she never done that before).

Maybe stating it at first won't make it a problem.

"well... I heard something today" she began, fiddling with her fingers in her lap.

Gray leaned on his arms, his elbows on top of his knees, she felt a little bit comfortable talking with the fond gaze that he is wearing in his face.

"I accidentally heard you and Erza talk about something today, in the staircase.." she told him, not daring to look at his eyes.

"Juvia didn't mean to first of all, but based on the conversation, Juvia is feeling a little bit worried about you..."

she finally glanced at him and she felt the anxiety pile up in her stomach.

Gray's face was... conflicting, like he was scared but he is masking it with anger.

" you were eavesdropping? what the hell Juvia-"

"Juvia wasn't! I was taking the stairs!"

"you never take the stairs!"

"i do when I want to walk!" Juvia never wanted to raise her voice at her beloved, but the way he is taking the conversation was ... nerving, as if he is accusing her of discovering a secret door that holds his deepest scars.

he got up from the coach, ready to leave the conversation, running away from it.

"My love, Juvia was just asking!" Juvia tried to follow after him.

"don't ask questions I won't answer Juvia!" he looked back, harsh expression covering the fear in his eyes.

Juvia gathered a moment to breath in, she doesn't want her anger to control her emotion, but it made her feel so unfair, it was so unfair that she got to share her deepest scars, her trauma, her fear, her joy, her sadness.

and he offered her everything, so why is he pushing her away?

" what is it that you are hiding from me?" she asked quietly.

" I don't need to tell you"

"that's so unfair!" she yelled, her fists clenched from her sides, and she finally blurted it out, in she failed on keep her emotions controlled.

she can see her friends coming through the entrance door, concerned over the raised voices. It is actually way more concerning when it's the rarest couples who fight.

Gray looked taken back by Juvia's tone. She rarely does that to anyone, but if she did it towards him, it indicates that there's something bigger.

"i always reach out to you, even when I am afraid" she continued, she felt her face heat up like a furnace.

" so what are you afraid of?"

the question triggered something in Gray. She can see his usual frown vanish from his face, and for a moment she saw him scared, as if she caught a glimpse over his past self.

but Gray clenched his jaw and turned around to leave, Cana and Lucy didn't try to reach out to him, they just let him leave with their mouth agape from what they've witnessed.

Juvia felt the frustration hitting her at once, clenching her hair tightly, she can sense the painful clutch.

she fell back into the couch, huffing in disappointment.

It turns out asking him was a problem.

Gray is hating himself, no matter how much he blasts the music into his ears, it couldn't block the loud noises in his head.

he admits that this was the worst fight he ever had with Juvia, everything was sudden to him, like a slap to his face, Juvia never yelled at him with anger, actually, she never yelled at anyone before.

but it's his fault anyways, he was defensive because he was a coward, who didn't want to show his scars to her. how could he? Juvia was a gentle soul although she always tries to deny it with her past "Shameful acts" of whatever, but everyone has their own piece of tainted wrongdoings.

Gray doesn't care if she killed someone before, she is still that blinding sunlight that engulfs his cold chest with warmth.

and he is afraid that if he pulls up his sweater and shows what he did to his wrists will make her see him in a different way, whether with disgust, fear, or pity.

he had seen those people before. he met them, and he was friends with them before they stripped him from his secret self-harming and pulled down their masks to reveal their true colors.

pity, disgust, fear...

if only Erza hadn't stopped him in the staircase, if only she wasn't so frightened-

Gray sighed, he pulled his headphones away from his ears.

no he thought, here's no one else to blame but me.

come to think of it, Erza had the right to ask him about his wellbeing, he kind of found it hard to keep on the same damned routine of university, and on top of that the unnecessary load of assignments he has to do, it makes him anxious just the thought of them.

but it doesn't matter now, he had another problem to fix...

Gray was never a fan of communication, and after today? he can sure label himself as the worst at communication, he shouldn't have yelled at her, he shouldn't have looked at her that way, she deserves better.

maybe if he could just end it.

"when you face a problem with someone you love, you harvest your self-hater and think that people deserve much better than you do, and then you end everything."

she heard him coming closer to her place, where she is swinging her legs from the rooftop. She would have been terrified if there wasn't another rooftop built right under it, so the fear of breaking a leg or two from a fall is impossible to happen.

she felt a heavy weight over her body, warmth embraced her as she slowly tugged the coat with her fingers, although she wasn't feeling the cold.

she saw from the corner of her eye,Gray shifting his position over the railing of the roof, leaving his legs dangling similarly as hers. she didn't have the courage to look at his face again, which made her frustrated to death, because the silence hanging between them was driving her mad.

should she say something? should she start by apologizing? she could if the heavy lump didn't pressure her from forming words.

"I'm sorry", she heard him say, oh so softly that made her heart hammer with speed.

why should he apologize when she started this whole mess? she opened her lips to argue against who's fault it was, but he beat her into it, " I didn't mean to yell at you"

Juvia finally turned her head to look at him, he was avoiding her eyes and instead looking blowing them, his black messy hair was moved by the wind of the season, and it made him look so ethereal.

she shook her head instead and looked below them as well. She noticed a small creature-probably a squirell- settling himself in one of the tree branches, enjoying his treat.

"Juvia is the one who is sorry, I shouldn't have listened to your conversation.."

" I could have just explained what you heard instead", this time their eyes locked at each other, she feels the heavy awkward air began to shift away alongside the wind.

she would be lying if she said that she wasn't curious about their conversation because she knows that if they don't discuss it right now she will be left with a sleepless night, yet she doesn't want to push him into pouring down his scars if he doesn't want to.

"Juvia doesn't want to pressure you-"

"I want to."

he interrupted her, and Juvia doesn't have a choice but to listen and give in into her curiosity impulse.

Gray took a breath, and Juvia felt the nervousness seeping from him, so she hesitantly offered her hand towards him, she doesn't know if he is comfortable about it or not, so an offering is better than a bold move, like she usually does.

He looked surprisingly at her hand and smiled slightly, grabbing her hand while interlocking their fingers together, "you usually just hold it, why are you being polite?" he said, pointing out the fact that she is impolite when it comes to showing her affection towards him.

Juvia snort:" for now I'll be polite "

she grasped his hand for reassurance, and smiled at him.

"well.." he began, "since you know that I didn't enjoy my life in Korea, and that I had to work a lot and study everyday like some slave, and why my mental health was dropping all the way down" , he stopped for a moment, breathing in through his nose, and exhaling; and Juvia waited patiently, she could even wait for ages she won't mind.

"I used something so I won't try and kill myself"

Juvia's worrying pit started expanding, making her whole body tense with the thoughts running over her head about her beloved hurting himself.

" I used to self-harm."

the blue-haired girl remembers the feeling of being absorbed by fear, how her whole body freezes whenever she encounters a crowd, how the fright will make her shiver non-stop and her mind draws blank. She is familiar with this.

but she never felt fear choking her being like right now.

self-harm.

just the thought of seeing her lover sinking those sharp razors to his wrist so he wouldn't try suicide as an option, she felt like crying.

Gray broke the eye contact between each other, realizing how much of a shock that might have been to her, she can sense how tightly he is holding her hand right now, as if she would run away from him any moment.

"i am sorry" he apologized, he looked dejected, and Juvia could maybe see a glimpse of his old self.

but why is he apologizing? does he think that she'll run away out of disgust from what he suffered? does he think that Juvia would leave him because he had other means to keep himself from dying?

"Do you think that Juvia will leave you?" Gray didn't glance at her, so she grabbed his chin with her hand, turning his head to look at his grey eyes, they were red, ready to brim with tears. "This isn't your fault, and ju via wouldn't even think of leaving your side after opening up to me."

she can feel the tone of her voice quiver, but she held it because her sweet lover man is the one who has the right to tear about it, not her, no matter how much she wants to.

"you are very brave my love." she said softly, cradling his cheek, which were cold under her hand. she knows that he won't believe it, not now at least, it might need time for him to realize how courageous and strong he is, she is aware that he went through this all alone.

"i am not going to leave you alone, Juvia promises on her life."

the lid broke and everything in it scattered out.

Gray cried silently, and Juvia brought his head into her chest, to cradle him from all the pain and the danger of the world, she can sense her own tears ready to fall like a rain shower.

they held each other tightly under the glimmer of the stars and the dark sky, while the whistles of the wind gave them a bittersweet shiver, but all they could feel was each other's warmth.

Gray wants to not give in into his self-blame tendency, and while it's hard, opening up to Juvia made him feel that something clicked, like a puzzle joining to fill a whole picture.

Juvia completes him.

and so they cried, their fingers still locked together and the time passed not knowing for how long they were in each other's embrace. and nobody broke their heartfelt moment.

[satansapostle6]

The Man Who Sold The World | Luke Castellan

Spotify Playlist Link

Katherine. She was the one who started it all for Luke Castellan, the reason he did what he did.

Warnings: Mature themes/language. Violence. Sexual content.

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen: Sorry

“If it’s a girl, I think I wanna name her ‘Adrienne’. If it’s a boy, I wanna name him ‘Luke’,” Katherine grinned as she sat in front of a small campfire, with Luke’s arms wrapped safely around her.

“Aw, you mean we’re gonna make him a junior?” he complained.

“What, what’s wrong with being a junior?”

“Nothing, it’s just… I know I’m gonna get lazy, and I’m gonna start calling him ‘Junior’, like every other lazy dad, and start morphing into Homer Simpson.”

“Hey, at least you’ll be one of the dads that’s there,” Katherine reasoned, “And doesn’t traumatize their kid. Not to mention… You’ll be the only dad who still has a ‘V’.”

“Fair enough,” Luke sighed in surrender. “You know… I never could’ve imagined myself having a kid. Especially not before twenty, but… Katherine, I’m glad I get to do it with you.”

She smiled, knowing she shared the exact same feelings.

“You know, I, uh… I can’t speak for the Katherine with a soul, but I really feel good about keeping this baby,” she admitted, changing the tone of the conversation.

Luke nodded slowly, recognizing the poignant fact that normally, in their specific situation, keepingw the baby would have been more of a choice as opposed to an obvious next step the way it would be for slightly older couples.

“Honestly, Katherine…” Luke trailed off for a moment, shuddering internally at the idea of having to abandon the idea of having a child with her, shaking his head, “I don’t know if I would’ve been able to get through it. If we decided not to keep it.”

His eyes held a deep sadness, even as he just imagined the hypothetical.

“I know,” she murmured, understanding his attitude towards children.

“I just… I want the chance to be better. Better than my father, and the gods, and better than I’ve been. I really do. I’m scared, shitless, but I know that’s what I want,” he thought.

She just nodded as she listened.

“Do you really think we’re doing the right thing?” he said after taking a beat. “Bringing a child into this world?”

“Hey. Look at me,” she held his face in her hands.

He looked at her almost pathetically as he felt her fingers clutching his jaw, saving his pouty puppy eyes only for her.

“You know what not to do to a child, because of your own father. We both do; you know not to abandon your kid, and I know not to groom my kid,” she laughed as she made her point. “But… we also know what to do with a kid. I’ve seen you care for these kids at the camp; the kids in our cabin, Annabeth? You wanna love them like your own,” she reasoned.

Luke smiled as he listened to her, accepting her praise. “You see the good things in me I don’t wanna see,” he said softly.

“I love you, Luke Castellan,” she reminded him in a cool whisper.

“I love you, Katherine Montalvo. More than anyone in the world,” he teased her back, kissing her lips as he held her in a silly sort of bear hug. “Hey, what if we have twins?”

“Oh, don’t even say that!” she warned.

The two of them laughed as they were actually able to enjoy themselves together for the first time in months. They both had expected the pregnancy to have a negative impact on their lives, especially with Kronos and the nightmares that plagued them both, but oddly enough, everything was fine.

Neither of them had even dreamt of him or heard his voice in weeks, so they assumed that they’d been doing everything right. Katherine had decided that as long as Luke kept up their work in the last several months of her pregnancy, everything would be fine for the both of them. Of course, they still hadn’t broken the news to Chiron or Mr. D, or really anyone else, but that, they figured, was a more minor obstacle.

“Oh, I forgot, I haven’t even told you about my plan!” Luke realized as they sat cozily in front of the fire.

“Ooh, what plan?” Katherine asked eagerly. “Wanna keep getting me knocked up? Make Kronos a whole baby army?”

“Can you be serious?” Luke shook his head, laughing at her.

“I am being serious! You know how much fun we’d have making that whole army?”

“Okay, listen. Chiron told the Head Counselors he’s planning a camp field trip to Olympus, in August,” he explained.

“Okay, I’m intrigued,” Katherine nodded along, realizing they’d be visiting the home of the Gods themselbes.

“You know what’s in the throne room of Olympus?” he asked her.

“What?” she asked expectantly, allowing him to answer the rhetorical question.

“The Big Three’s symbols of power,” he murmured, referring to the brothers Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades.

Katherine looked at him in awe, the warm light from the fire along with the darkness of the night making him look psychotic.

“Wait, if we get our hands on those…” she realized.

“The gods will wanna kill each other,” Luke completed, a victorious grin on his face. “We’ll start a war, and Kronos will reward us.”

“It’s perfect,” Katherine realized.

“We can steal two of them; pit two brothers against the other one,” he pointed out. “They’ll start destroying each other before Kronos is even back.”

“Oh, baby, it’s perfect!” Katherine exclaimed, crashing into Luke as she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him.

They pulled apart after a long, passionate kiss, reveling in their own evil plan.

“We can do this,” Luke promised her. “Just you and me.”

“You and me,” Katherine murmured, lost in his baby blue eyes as she leaned in for another kiss.

*****

Everything was still perfect. It had been a few days since Katherine had first discovered she was pregnant, and still nothing had gone wrong. She and Luke were still waiting to tell everyone the news, enjoying their happiness together before it would ultimately be ruined by Chiron or Mr. D’s wrath. Today was the first time he wasn’t insanely busy with Head Counselor duties during the day, so they had decided to take advantage.

The two of them decided to spend their afternoon sitting on the beach looking out at the Long Island Sound, the waves gently crashing on the shore in front of them as they talked, about anything and everything.

“Okay, so we’ve come to a compromise,” Luke announced. “Megan if it’s a girl, per my request, and Luke if it’s a boy, per your stupid request,” he teased.

Katherine wasn’t completely sure, but she’d felt Luke had responded positively to the name ‘Megan’ because it had reminded him of his own mother’s name, May.

“Are you that opposed to me wanting to name our hypothetical son after you?” she exclaimed in amusement.

“It sounds so egotistical!” he cried. “‘Oh, I’m a big, strong man, and my firstborn son, my only heir, needs to carry on my bloodline and my legacy’!”

“You are a big, strong man,” Katherine teased, looking up at him in a way that made him crumble. “And kind, and warm, and funny. I want our potential son to turn out like you.”

“Okay, fine,” Luke pretended to complain, knowing the way she spoke about him made his heart skip a beat. “We can name him Luke Jr.”

“Yes!”

Luke laughed as he threw his arm around her, looking out at the calm waters.

“I can’t believe we’re gonna have a baby,” he said quietly. “What do you think happens, when two demigods have a baby? Is there even a word for that?”

“You’re gonna have a baby?!”

Luke and Katherine both whipped around with a start, realizing that someone had been standing right behind them. Luke then realized why he hadn’t noticed when he saw Annabeth standing there, dark blue Yankees cap in hand.

“Annabeth!” he exclaimed, horrified.

His reaction shifted from anger to fear as he realized no one else knew, and Chiron would have to be told eventually. Katherine looked up at her boyfriend in shock, silently pleading with him to resolve the situation.

“Annabeth, I can explain…!” he tried to calm her down.

“You can’t have a baby!” she cried.

“Hey,” Luke began, trying to reason with her, “We’re nineteen…”

“And still at camp!” the daughter of Athena argued. “Chiron’s gonna kill you!”

“Look, we’re both adults,” Luke reminded her, “I’m sure we’ll just have to work it out…”

“You have to tell him! Now.”

“I’m not telling him right this second,” he scoffed.

“Well, either you are, or I am!” she crossed her arms angrily. “There’s no way I’m risking him finding out I knew about this—”

“He’s not gonna find out,” Luke assured her.

“Famous last words!” the blonde girl argued.

“Look. Just give us a few days, and we’ll figure it all out,” Luke offered, “Okay?”

“Alright. Fine!” Annabeth exclaimed angrily. “But if you don’t tell him in three days…”

“I’ll tell him,” Luke assured her, trying to diffuse the situation. “Wait. What are you even doing over here?” he asked her.

“Well, it seems stupid now!” she exclaimed in disbelief. “Lee told me to find you and tell you Mikey keeps picking his nose, and it’s disturbing people.”

“Seriously?” Luke sighed, realizing he was only in this predicament because one of his ten year-old campers had a nose picking problem.

Annabeth Chase stormed off in silence, leaving Luke and Katherine alone on the beach.

“I’m sorry,” he sighed, finally meeting her gaze, “I fucked everything up…”

“It’s not your fault,” she promised him, taking his hand. “We’ll just tell Chiron soon. No big deal.”

“No big deal,” he repeated the mantra, holding her close as he looked out at the water.

The next day, things took a turn for the worst. Luke had come back in the middle of the day after a patrol around the camp’s perimeter. He had left early that morning and hadn’t gotten to see Katherine all day, and he was looking forward to spending more time with her once he got back. And he found he did get to spend time with her, only not in the way he’d hoped to.

“Luke!” Annabeth came and found him as he headed toward the showers, exhausted and covered in sweat. “Chiron—”

“Annabeth, we’re gonna tell him soon,” Luke told her with a sigh. “But please, just let me take a shower first, I’m so tired—”

“Chiron said you need to get to the infirmary! Now.” Annabeth yelled over him, her grey eyes full of worry. “It’s Katherine!”

Luke’s face fell as he put the words together in his head, immediately panicking. He started sprinting off in the direction of the infirmary, as Annabeth followed.

“What the fuck happened?!” he demanded breathlessly.

“We were eating lunch… I sat next to Katherine, and she seemed fine. But then her stomach started to hurt, bad. I brought her to the infirmary, and she started seizing.”

“Seizing?!” Luke exclaimed.

“Yeah. It was bad,” Annabeth told him.

She began to regret saying that as she realized it only made his panicking even worse. He all but knocked into everyone in his path like bowling pins, scanning the room for his girlfriend.

“Katherine?!” he yelled, panicking as his heart started to beat too fast for him to keep track of.

“Over here!” one of the Apollo kids called to him.

Luke ran to one of the cots in the corner surrounded by people, trying to shove his way through the crowd.

“What’s going on?!”

He finally made his way through, looking like he’d seen a ghost once he saw all the blood. Katherine was almost unconscious, lying there passively as everyone just watched. It seemed the healers were all just cleaning her up, cloths full of blood around the bed. She was lying beneath a sheet on her lap for her own privacy.

“What happened?!” Luke yelled.

“Luke, I’m gonna need you to be quiet,” one of the daughters of Apollo said as she tried to tend to Katherine. “Don’t freak her out. We just gave her some herbs to numb the pain and help her sleep, but she’s still scared.”

But Katherine seemed pretty subdued, almost unconscious at this point. Luke looked up to see Chiron, who had a very grim expression on his face.

“Luke, I need to speak to you in private,” the centaur announced, his jaw clenched.

Luke went along with him, too afraid of what was happening with Katherine to be nervous about Chiron. As Chiron pulled him away from the crowd of people, Luke was the first one to speak.

“Did she—”

“Lose the baby? Yes,” Chiron said, the fact coming out more angrily than he intended.

Luke’s jaw dropped as he looked back at the crowd standing around her cot, at a loss for words.

“And while I do have much sympathy for you, Luke, unfortunately there is another issue at hand,” Chiron said as patiently as he could. “I need to know what happened to this girl’s soul.”

“What?” Luke looked at him in confusion, starting to panic and cry.

“Luke, why does Katherine not have a detectable soul in her body?” Chiron demanded.

“I… She almost died,” Luke breathed, trying to avoid sobbing as he quickly came up with a lie. “I prayed to my father, anyone to save her. And then she was pretty much fine. I don’t know how it happened—”

“She must’ve died momentarily, and left her soul behind in the Underworld when she returned,” Chiron realized quickly. “It happens to mortals, and to demigods even more often.”

Luke stared at him blankly, not connecting the dots as his mind wandered back to Katherine and the baby.

“When mortals die, and come back with out a soul, they sometimes change, and their loved ones just attribute it to a near-death experience.”

“What does this have to do with anything?” Luke asked impatiently.

Chiron looked at him gravely, delivering the news to him as kindly as he could. “Entities without souls rarely survive childbirth, Luke,” he told him. “Not only was the life of Katherine’s child at stake in carrying it, but her own as well. She could have died.”

Luke’s entire world seemed to melt away as he stood there, slowly realizing the grave mistake he’d made.

“I, uh…”

He didn’t know what to say to Chiron. He stood there, frozen, trying to come up with some sort of apology, until the older man realized that it wasn’t him who really needed the apology.

“Just go,” Chiron nodded sadly, permitting him to leave. “Be with her. We’ll sort out the rest later.”

Luke Castellan didn’t need to be told twice. He was back at Katherine’s side in an instant, as the healers all did their best to clear the area to give them space. Annabeth was the only one who remained. She just watched sadly as Luke took Katherine’s hand in his, breaking down as he tried to talk to her despite the fact that she was in and out of sleep.

“I’m so sorry,” he choked out, struggling to get the words out as he hung his head. “I wasn’t there… You needed me, and I wasn’t there!”

Annabeth’s face twisted into a pained expression of grief as she watched her friend’s entire world fall apart.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to forgive myself,” Luke confessed, watching over her as she slept. “I was nervous about telling people, and you could’ve died,” he sobbed.

“Luke,” Annabeth tried to comfort him, “It’s not your fault—”

But Luke just shook his head, refusing to listen to any justification of what had almost happened to the one person he cared about.

“I almost killed her,” he reasoned, “Because of my own selfishness. I didn’t listen to you, and I killed our baby, and I almost killed her. I knew I shouldn’t have been having a baby! What the fuck was I thinking?! I’m not fit to be a parent, I shouldn’t be anybody’s parent!”

Annabeth tried to find the right words to comfort him, but even as smart as she was, there still weren’t any words that could’ve made up for what he’d lost. She wanted to find the right words, to soothe her friend after he’d lost what could’ve been a child, but even as smart as she was, she was still twelve years old.

“You know…” she began, trying to think of a fact that spun this in any positive direction. “They don’t really call it a fetus until it’s about eleven weeks old,” Annabeth provided awkwardly, quickly realize that definitely wasn’t the right choice of words.

“It was a baby,” Luke insisted, still too angry with himself to even consider being angry at anyone else. “It was our baby, and now it’s just gone. All because of my selfishness. What the fuck was I thinking, like I was gonna be a father?! I’m a piece of shit!”

Annabeth’s heart broke for him in that moment, and although she’d always hated when people said ‘I’m sorry’ to her, because she thought it was pointless, and stupid, she found in that moment it was all she had left.

“You’re not a piece of shit, Luke,” the younger girl promised him. “You’re far from it.”

“I wanna believe that too, but it’s hard to say that to a dead baby,” he muttered, resentful of himself.

“I’m sorry, Luke,” she said quietly. “I really am.”

They both knew that ‘sorry’ comforted no one. She turned to leave him, as he watched Katherine sleeping, the whole thing weighing on his chest. He sat by her bed the entire time, waiting for her to wake up, but she never did. He must’ve been up for another ten hours or so, but it didn’t matter for him. He needed to be there for, because he wasn’t when she really needed him to be there.

Luke didn’t sleep at all that night. He was up all the way until early the next morning, when Katherine woke up from her long sleep, eyes lowly adjusting as she sat up.

“Hey,” Luke said immediately, eyes heavy and bloodshot from exhaustion.

He was antsy with heavy bags under his eyes, and Katherine knew something was wrong. It took her a moment after the herbs she’d been given the day before, but she remembered what had happened to her in its entirety.

“The baby,” she said slowly, the reality setting in for the second time. “It’s gone?!”

Luke grimaced, fighting back tears as he gave her a quick nod, reaching for her hand. But Katherine handled the news much differently than he did, and probably much different than she herself would have under different circumstances.

He just looked at her, waiting for some horrible, traumatized reaction as she processed the information she was given. But no reaction ever came. Katherine just sat there, leaning up against the wall as she tried to come up with something, anything at all, to feel.

He saw the pain in her eyes, the way she so blankly stared off into nothingness, silently begging to feel anything.

“I, uh…” she tried to think as the reality of the situation hit her.

Like watched sadly as her hand instinctively went to her stomach, feeling for something that just simply wasn’t there. It was like a ghost limb to her, the feeling of still having something that had been lost.

“I don’t know what to say,” Katherine reached a conclusion, staring off at nothing as she tried to get a grip on reality.

Luke watched helplessly as she slowly began shaking, like a puppy left out in the rain, panicking as her hands cradled her stomach, looking for the baby as she still tried to understand that it simply didn’t exist anymore.

“I lost my baby, and I don’t know what to say!” she howled, devastated.

“I know, hon, I know,” Luke said, feeling useless as he squeezed her hand.

He didn’t know in that moment what would comfort her, but something in him knew it didn’t matter. Nothing could’ve eased this pain.

“My baby…!”

Katherine was reduced to tears as she buried her face in her hands, crying so many tears that even her hair began to wet. In need of comfort himself, Luke got up off of the chair, wrapping his arms all the way around her as she collapsed onto his shoulder. They both wept together, but even Luke knew that the pain she must’ve felt was entirely different from his own.

Overridden with guilt, he held onto her as tightly as he could, his body desperately seeking out comfort in hers. He felt helpless in his predicament, unable to fight or kill or persuade anything to get his child back, or ease his girlfriend’s pain.

-

Chapter Seventeen

[enid-rhees]

who’s she? | Enid Rhee x Fem!Reader

summary: your group has caught the attention of the citizens in Alexandria, but you caught the eye of Enid.

genre: strangers to friends to lovers

warnings: mentions of injuries (stab wounds, scars etc)

A/N: so in this one, i have actually written this where reader is **adopted** by the Grimes family - unlike my other stories. also this is totally a badass!reader story (you’re literally a Grimes child, cmon) hope you all enjoy! reminder that requests are open, read pinned if you’d like to req! also, this is written through Enid’s perspective. also also, there will be multiple parts to this :)

Who’s She? Masterlist

she dropped the comic onto the bed, sighing in frustration. there was nothing to do, but she didn’t want to spend her day watching Ron and Mikey play the same games as they did every other day, or read the same 5 comics.

“why don’t you go in the woods then, Enid?” Ron asked her. “you do it all the time anyways.” he mumbled. she rolled her eyes, choosing to ignore him.

she was about to stand up when they suddenly heard distant shouting coming from outside. all three of them ran to the window, wanting to know what was happening.

Enid’s eyes landed on a girl. just as she did, she threw a punch into Spencer’s face, not even bothered by the bruise that was forming on her knuckle. Spencer lunged at her, but the girl was quick to throw yet another punch.

“who is she?” Enid asked the boys. Ron smiled, “that’s Y/N Grimes. from what i heard when Aaron went out to find them, she’s a total badass. i overheard Deanna telling Reg how many people she’s killed, she’s insane. and she’s literally our age.”

Enid turned her head towards him. “she’s killed a lot?” she questioned. “it was at least a dozen, from what i overheard.”

“i heard that Rick guy adopted her.” Mikey spoke. “Deanna doesn’t speak very quietly. she might look tough and all, but her life is a bit sad. lost both her parents to a hoard of walkers. she watched it happen, too.”

“could be why the way she is now. shit like that can change you.” Ron said. Enid stayed silent.

“yeah, and just a few days ago, she apparently watched her friend get shot in the head. it’s fucked up.” Mikey said back.

“you overheard all of that from Deanna?” Enid questioned. they both nodded. “pretty sure Y/N had to tell her all of that in that stupid interview. you know how Deanna is. i doubt Y/N even wanted to speak with her, let alone tell her every traumatizing moment she’s been through.”

Enid turned back around, heading for the door. she skipped down the stairs, grabbing something from the kitchen table before exiting the house. she spotted Y/N, sitting on the curb in front of another house.

her fist was bloodied and bruised, and across the street stood Spencer with Deanna, examining the damage on his face. Enid hid a smile.

when she finally made it over to her, Enid hesitated before holding out a small roll of bandages. it took Y/N a moment to realize she was even there. Y/N stared at her in surprise.

“i uh,” Enid started. “i saw what… happened. your hand looks pretty beat up, so i thought you’d need these,” Enid’s heart was racing, and she didn’t know why.

“oh, thank you.” Y/N spoke. it was the first time she’s heard her speak. she grabbed the roll out of Enid’s hand and started to wrap the bandage around her hand. “sorry you had to see that.” she mumbled.

“don’t apologize.” Enid said. “trust me, if i were you i would’ve done the same.” Y/N laughed, and Enid could’ve sworn it was the prettiest sound she’s heard.

“i’m Enid, by the way.” Y/N looked up at her, “Y/N.” she spoke. Enid was finally able to get a better look at her, and she noticed how tired she looked.

eye bags layered under her eyes, and scratch marks, scars and bruises littered her face and arms. it made Enid wonder what really happened before she arrived here.

Enid wasn’t the type to be drawn to someone like this so quickly, but Y/N was different than the other people she’s met here. she liked to stay away from them for a while, unsure if it was worth it to get close to them. but with Y/N, it was like a moth to a flame.

maybe it was because of what she heard from Ron and Mikey. Y/N clearly wasn’t afraid of anything, she was tough. and she had gone through the same experience as Enid. the one that changes you forever.

“i-i have more bandages inside. no offense, but your face is a bit beat up.” Enid said, smiling slightly. Y/N gave back a small smile. “yeah, i should… probably fix myself up.”

“come with me, i’ll give you the stuff.” Enid offered. Y/N stood up from the curb and started to follow Enid into her house. she took a look around the building.

Y/N fumbled with her fingers as Enid started to gather everything she needed. maybe it was too early to determine, but Y/N wasn’t at all what she had imagined from what she saw. Enid had expected her to be more cold towards her, it felt the complete opposite.

“i have bigger bandages if you need them. or smaller ones for the cuts on your face.” Enid informed her. “can i use the bigger ones?” Y/N asked hesitantly.

“of course. here.” Y/N walked over to the mirror that sat on the wall in the living room. she lifted her shirt slightly, revealing a huge gash on her side. Enid’s eyes widened.

“is that- have you been stabbed?” she asked. Y/N looked down at it, carefully placing the bandage over it. “just a bit, yeah.” she answered casually. “it wasn’t a full stab, but still hurt like shit obviously. it happened a few times weeks ago though, but when i punched that guy i think i irritated it.”

“how can you say it so calmly?”

Y/N looked back over at her and shrugged, “worse things have happened, Enid.” then she cracked a smile, “you only know a small portion about me.”

[hungrydolphin91]

ok I had to go make my own post about Eugene Cassette Beasts, it's not fair for me to fill up everyone else's tags w how much I love this guy. I wanted to speculate a little about his backstory here cause it honestly fascinates me and I feel like I havent seen this happen much in other media, much less turn based monster collecting RPGs.

So Eugene is from a future world (seemingly the only party member who is except maybe Barkley but he's a dog so.) It sounds like he's from the turn of the century, maybe 2100 or so, and mentions in his rank 3 friendship that in his world, there was a massive reformation when society as a while realized they couldn't keep fucking each other over and destroying the planet, so everyone worked hard to abolish the kinds of structures that unilaterally hurt people (for instance, capitalism). Sounds like a utopia right?

Eugene only says good things about his world really, how much people value acts of goodness and kindness. But he says it all with such a sad tone, like something he's missing out on, because he thinks he is, he didn't fit in. He says that he wasn't great at being helpful all the time, which is why he wants to do better in New Wirral, a world removed from his own where he can be a better person than he was in his own world.

But the thing is, he IS a nice person. Maybe that's by design, everything he does in New Wirral is about him playing the hero, but it's also oh so clear that he brought his own expectations of goodness from his own timeline and they're just as much of a burden here. Even when hes succeeding, he won't cut himself slack, he says he needs to have a cause to rally behind, or what that archangel said to him would be proven true: he IS empty. Or at least, useless, which is probably the same thing to him.

What really grabs me about all of this though (besides the usual love of angst and guilt complexes and hero complexes and whatnot) is this future of moral reformation. Those are a pretty common historical phenomenon, often involving moral panics and an emphasis on presentation--- what matters is that you LOOK pure compared to others. And poor Eugene just felt like he couldn't keep up just because he has some small selfish impulses, or something in that nature I'd imagine--- I think he'd rather throw himself off a bridge than admit whatever the reason was that he didn't fit in in his own world.

It's easy to see his world being our future, in a way. I'd be delighted if terrible oppressive governments and economic systems were torn down in favor of ones that promote equality and universal well being, but currently moral purity is just as much of a trend as ever--- look at any discussion of book banning, not to mention transphobic legislature, fandom antis and so much more. So this hypothetical future is one where even though the 'right' thing has been done, there's still a subtle form of policing going on to enforce it. Maybe that is successful at keeping cruel practices from coming back. Or maybe it's just traumatizing people like Eugene who feel judged by their every action and pressured to be a saint every single moment of their lives.

One last thing I thought was interesting--- as part of his level 4 friendship rank, Eugene mentions how his parents' generation still seem scarred by the cruelties they endured before this reformation. But Eugene is too young to have lived through it himself so you know what that means?? Generational trauma babyyyyy. He's inherited guilt about a time he wasn't even alive for, along with a pressure to make sure it never ever happens again, so no unkindness is tolerated. It's no wonder this boy has so many issues.

So that's my late night rambles about this guy, probably like 50% of this is just me projecting but it's also fun to dissect what's happening here. Like I said before, it's unusual to see a unique concept like character like Eugene and his world in what appears to be a fun little indie game about turning into monsters with cassettes.

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep : I don't know the episode numbers anymore I never wrote them down, so from here on out, I'm just going to number up from my previous post. So I guess episode 49

Fun fact I finished this post a week ago and then never pressed send. I can blame this on a lot of things, (work, illness, brain fog, etc) but at this point we just know it's the universe trying to keep me from finishing S5 of my Yugioh reblog, lmao.

So, last we left off, Sad Seto was next to die.

What makes this extra weird is that the other Seto is going to just watch this entire thing happen. He apparently didn't have enough traumatic disassociating while watching his Blue Eyes Wife die, now he will disassociate from watching himself go out in a blaze of glory, too.

Sad Seto's strategy against Zorc is not really what you'd expect out of the #2 of Egypt's court. Although...I guess before everyone biffed it, Seto was more like #5? #6?

He's above Mana I feel. Barely. Mostly because Mana probably isn't the right age to legally work, even in ancient Egypt when the working age is like...if you can walk.

But he was apparently so busy doing Aknadin's taxes that he's decided it's good judgement to throw himself at a 800 ft tall dragon/crotch/man.

for his credit, Sun Tzu's art of war hasn't been written yet.

And Sad Seto realizes his true purpose, which is that he has a smarter, stronger, and more powerful girlfriend (ish.) Which is a running theme on this show, as we all know.

In a bizarre cut that I can't believe they left on US TV...other than I think they couldn't cut this any other way, the penis dragon attached to Zork extended it's neck up to grab Blue eyes by her neck and just fling her into the ground, killing her instantly.

I don't like that the neck can extend longer. I don't like that it's a function of the dragon crotch. They knew. They knew what this looked like. Thanks, I hate it.

Also what an embarrassing way for Seto's past self to die. Truly the hieroglyphs about this event will be wild, and thousands of years later, Grandma Muto probably looked at this event etched into stone and just thought it was weird ancient pervert stuff.

Sorry if you were thinking Sad Seto would recover last minute and realize he's like the most OP person in Yugioh. He instead rotted from his hand and joined the rest of our Egyptian cast in Shadow Hell.

Leaving us with just Mana. And like kudos to her, but how on EARTH did she survive so freakin long!? Like of all of them, I thought Seto would be the last one. Not Mana. Not in a million years did I think it'd be the girl who hid in a pot.

But youknow maybe that's why she survived?

And then Bakura casually walked away from the only Seto who matters. Which is fitting, because if memory serves, that's also what Yami did to Seto for like half of the Battle City tourney.

It's such a weird strange bod on this dragon. It's such a strange bod. He's both got kind of a belly, but also is ripped to shreds. Such a weird bod.

In case you were like "We haven't given Seto enough motivation," we also toss in a few nearly dead brothers just to make sure we have properly traumatized this boy to the point where he'd duel someone who isn't Yugi Muto.

Seto decided magic exists 6 minutes ago, and he's already better at magic than Yugi Muto who's had access to it for YEARS.

Like he learned about magic in a different culture, a different time, a different language, and now he's fighting the final boss.

But it's Seto, so I buy it. He would speedrun his life like this.

That's the dialogue of the show where he says his first words were "neutron blast attack" and youknow...he probably has very few memories of himself as a child since his parents died and his other family put him up for adoption...but he knows his first words?

That, or Seto likes making his brand a reality by making up whatever nonsense it takes to make that brand legit. Which I can also see him doing.

Also please don't look at this foreshortened hand, don't look at it, ignore that this happened.

So thanks to Bakura's weird choice to drag Seto into this universe in the first place, now Bakura has to fight Seto and his 3 blue eyes that would not have existed here otherwise.

++++++ME RANTING ABOUT THE SETO ARC FEEL FREE TO SKIP++++

TBH it kinda makes the whole Sad Seto arc feel kind of like it didn't need to exist. Like this is the Seto fight that matters. This one right here, and although they share a name, it's not with the same guy who fought Zorc at the beginning of this episode.

And like I could add it to a list of problems with this season. But Sad Seto started out so interesting, and then forgot. It was like he only existed to introduce the dragon, and not explain anything at all about the nature of Seto Kaiba we know and love. Like the possession of Aknadin can be a parallel to how Seto was raised following Gozaburo's footsteps, but youknow...that's all old territory.

Like, I wish I had any sort of new growth from the interaction of either of the Seto's together in the same room, much like we've been getting from Yami facing his past self. Yami's been growing a lot, he's been facing his demons, but Seto? Seto's been walking around this desert trying find wifi.

(which like he did find a "wifey" which is almost wifi but wasn't as helpful because she was dead)

The Seto Kaiba who is fighting Bakura right now, is the same exact guy we saw at the end of the last arc against Zeigfried Von Schroeder.

Which means the reason that Seto is now souped up and capable of going up against Bakura isn't because of anything we witnessed here in this arc, but because of the weird horse guy last arc who taught him how to put up a better firewall.

And maybe there was a draft where Seto decides he is a spiritual reincarnation of the Pharaoh of Egypt. Maybe there was a draft where he gained a new ability. Maybe there was a draft where he realized the gravity of what was happening and wanted to save the world.

But it ain't this draft, unfortunately.

Seto is here not because of an internal growth reason, but because he was on a tablet in S2, and we have to know where that plot thread went to have an ending...but the show rewrote what it initially said in S2.

Like in the OG timeline, it was Seto who killed Pharaoh. But here we found out it was actually Aknadin who possessed Seto to kill Pharaoh. (and at some point in that fight, Pharaoh stuck his soul in a box and sealed away Zorc)

Sad Seto was apparently a chill bro the entire time. Just a nice guy who arrested half of Cairo and had a sort-of-girlfriend for about 8 hours before she biffed it.

And I would have been OK with that, if it were more interesting than what we initially thought happened in the past: where we thought it was a kickass Seto launching a coup. But unfortunately, it's not, instead it's a boy who started out powerless, and continued to be powerless despite working in Pharaoh's literal court. He didn't even have the power to not get possessed.

And I am sure there were other drafts, and endings are hard, and the author did get hella hospitalized while he wrote this season, animation is a miracle of many moving parts and budgets, and we were lucky to even get an ending to this show. So I don't want to sound like I'm complaining when there are so many worse directions this show could have gone. I'm just a little surprised it went this direction, mostly.

But say what you will about Yugioh, it doesn't like to be predictable, doesn't it?

+++++++++++++++++++OK I'M DONE++++++++++++++++++++++

Speaking of characters who haven't gained anything from being here, Tristan is no longer possessed!

Tristan begs his apologies and Yugi takes it gracefully. Which means, it's time for the main character of this entire show to finally re-enter the plot.

And they do so, in style.

Y'all I remember being excited about the look and style of extreme sports, but I do not remember this many heelies in the 00's.

Anyway, this is the link to read these in chrono order, you know the drill. See you next time to see yet another girlfriend biff it!

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

[browniefox]

Alright, more Crisis Core, let's go! This one ended up being REALLY long (we got through two chapters), so I'm putting a read more some ways down so it doesn't kill people's dashes.

The boy said the line!

Yay, Cloud is finally here! He still clearly has the basic infantry model other than the head, but it does mean he stands in the casual almost sassy way they all do haha. In general, it's so weird but cute to see him smiling and laughing. Aw, he's not traumatized yet!

I knew what was coming, but my friend I'm playing with didn't, so it was fun to see her reaction (tho i totally still got so excited anyway haha).

This is just here bc I love them so <3 And then Tseng is also here being a third wheel. The sneaking portion that is right after this I sucked ass at. I couldn't make it five feet without being seen and tossed out, and I just had to wait until the game took pity on me and took the guards away.

Genesis, please I'm begging you just kill Hollander. I do love seeing his hair, once so bright red, getting grayer and darker, how his nice leather jacket is getting all broken, giving a sense that he's not taking care of himself and his things as much as he should be.

My sister has tried to stay more-or-less blind to what happens in Crisis Core (she knows some stuff, I know a little more) but all fics tend to use the same Loveless lines (which makes sense, of course) but I did end up reciting this quote with him bc it's one of my favorites, much to the shock of my sister.

I can't believe Zack really thinks Genesis died tho. Like, the guy has a wing, he can fly, falling is not gonna kill him. I'm still not totally clear what Genesis is trying to achieve, but I've been watching some of ButterBuns CCR videos and she's kind of given me a better sense of Genesis. He's just flailing around, trying to get something, anything, to work. He's a dying man who is desperate and doesn't even know himself exactly what he wants.

HELL YEAH! If the creators weren't cowards they would have let your models touch. Our new thing while playing is being proud of Zack for having two boyfriends and one girlfriend. The boy can get it.

As per usual, my biggest problem with this game is the writing - especially with Angeal, tbh. I guess Angeal is just like Genesis in that he's desperately trying to figure out who he is, monster or man. But every time he talks about being a monster I kind of roll my eyes. He's like an emo teenager. Last chapter I felt like it was getting a better grip and liking for him, but I'm kind of back to just being like 'what's your deal man'.

That being said, I kind of dig his weird monster form! It's a mishmash but super cool, and I love how his arms are folded in front of him. My friend and sister I don't think liked it as much and mostly made fun of it which, fair.

Mostly unrelated, but i really got myself into a big of predicament in that I'm super overpowered, which means I get through battles so quick, which also means I don't get to show off all the limit breaks and summons and such when we're playing ;-; but then I turn it to hard mode and die instantly.

I'm always a sucker for sad sunsets. I might not get Angeal or his deal, but I do at least buy that Zack cares about Angeal. It's kind of like Angeal was too set in his ways of monster vs heroes, and that a monster needs to be killed by a hero. That Zack is the only hero left to kill a monster like him, or that by doing so Zack proves he's a hero. But really all it's done is given Zack trauma and made him more uncertain than ever who he is and what he stands for.

(It kind of reminds me of near the end of Homestuck, when Dave and Dirk are talking, and Dave admits it's possible that Bro was trying to train him, but all it did was make him scared.)

I wish we got to spend more time in the game with Aerith, but at least you get the sense that they do spend more time with each other, especially with Aerith being there for Zack after this.

MY BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BOY! I wish your limit break looked cooler tho :P

Wait, so are Angeal and Genesis brothers then?? I knew they were connected through Gillian, but I guess how connected never hit me. I mean, Angeal defo has her hair while Genesis has her face, but also I've been imagining and seeing them as boyfriends this whole time???

So many mixed feelings about Zack right now. The first thing is yay, new hair cut! My sister absolutely hated his bangs, so big win for her. I do like that you get to see that, as one of the last remaining Firsts, Zack has started to take on more of a leadership and mentor role for the other SOLDIERs. However, him telling them to protect their SOLDIER honor is weird when Zack doesn't know what that is either. I've felt it, but I am glad Zack himself has acknowledged that he doesn't know what that honor is or what it means. I hope we get to see Zack figure it out. I also like that Zack is kind of unmoored and uncertain now. Puts him in an interesting place for whatever's next.

Beach episode! It is FUCKING INSANE to me that Cissnei just... tells Zack that Aerith is an Ancient. Why? What was the point of that? Cissnei, you can't just say that! I guess it could be seen as her trusting Zack and demonstrating she wants to help him, but it's still so weird. It's nice Zack has been said to be hanging with the turks more, but I wish we could have gotten more of that in game. I don't think he even knows Reno and Rude's names.

BOOO TSENG SHOULD BE IN A SWIMSUIT TOO BOO!

So I know Genesis is still alive, but interesting that this is beign considered since it's Sephiroth's whole deal. Tbh, tho, I'm not sure how I feel about Tseng openly acknowledging that Mako is life. How much is that recognized in general, actually? I mean, people do fade into mako when they die... hm, much to think about.

The chase through the city was so dumb, I've had it with Hollander, how hard can it be to catch and/or kill one guy for real. That being said, I do like how cool the buster sword is, and at the end is Sephiroth :D I'm glad that Zack seems a little bitter towards Sephiroth; they're both mourning in different ways, and it's driven a rift between both of them. But at the same time, they're the closest thing they both have to someone who can understand what they're going through.

Shoutout to Zack's little fidgets :D He's still a restless little puppy, despite it all. Sephiroth and Zack's relationship is just so good and interesting, I need them to hang out more so I can see more of it.

God Genesis is so pretty. Both him and Angeal have fucked up looking wings - which adds to what they're going through - but I actually love it for Genesis. Again, what is this dude's goal? He'll probably tell you once he figured it out himself. I love the reveal that he was also at Junon this whole time. Interesting parallel to how the Firsts fought 'at Junon' altogether and now they can't be further apart.

I need to pet that dog! Is Angeal still alive?? I totally thought he died, he has to be dead, right? Just living on in his copies? Anyway, the dog should be a character who manages to live forever because I love him. Also, laughed so hard when the little Shinra robots came into the church oh my god, it's not supposed to be funny I think but it's hilarious how non-threatening they look.

Wow Kunsel, jealous much?? Also, a little creepy? Is my boyfriend stalking me? If I trusted Kunsel, at this point I'd think he was going to betray me at some point, but I trust him too much for that. It seems more like Kunsel just doesn't know how to say 'I'm worried about you and you should talk to me about what you're going through'. I love Kunsel <3

As usual, this game feels like it goes too fucking fast. It's always one thing after another, nobody's talking or explaining things. Maybe it's because you're expected to do side missions every so often? That would probably break things up a bit more. God, there's such an interesting story here! I just wish it was told better.

Also I've been playing so much of this game and only just learned you can sprint :P

[watermeloncholycucumbersome]

Day 105 of Writing Something Everyday

(365 Day Challenge)

I keep smelling chemicals like chlorine,

I keep smelling the vinyl on a warm summers day and how the plastic would burn you if you weren't careful.

I remember the wet dogs - the smell of their fur, tongues hanging out the sides of their mouths huffing and puffing after running around and playing in the water all day.

I remember the smell of bathing suits and how the chlorine smell never washed out.

I remember the smell of coconut sunscreen and the way it never screened anything - it just smelt nice, smelt like summer I thought.

The smell of sand on a hot day, almost pungent but still bearable - comforting in a way strangely.

This all just started happening the other day.

Maybe it's because summer is coming up?

Maybe it's because it brings back nostalgia?

I don't know..

It's not necessarily bad memories, but it's not exactly memories needed right now when I'm alone.

I don't have faith or hope that my life will get any better or anything good will happen to me or for me.

When I'd lie on my back in that blow up pool in our backyard I felt like an adventure - the whole waiting and having any whimsy or anticipation whatsoever over my future.

I'm not sure if 13 year old me would like 31 year old me.

I never did anything on the time capsule list I said I wanted to do.

I thought I'd have my mom forever...

I'd have to tell little 13 year old me that her only and best friend would die and she'd have to traumatically watch this happen, not just on the day of her passing but for the rest of her life.

I don't have a boyfriend and never have, no family or friends, just alone and hoping someone arrives one day like a prince in a fairy tale to take me (the princess) away.

As a kid it's maybe tomorrow, then maybe next week, then maybe next month, then maybe next year until you're not even looking for love anymore and you haven't been keeping track.

Now when people show up I just feel like I'm being lied to and want them to just go and save the oxygen and brain cells they're going to use to fabricate what they tell me.

It's harder now as an adult, I can't see past my childhood and how I was then. Can't see that I'm not that girl anymore but sometimes I wish I could go back there to that time when I ate cereal and drank juice. Cartoons and colouring were life, lunches and suppers consisted of sandwiches and chips (possibly a slushee) and I was dying waiting to go back into the pool until I'd be called in later on that night.

To feel that water on my skin again, to hear those leaves on the trees rustle above my head, wondering if It was the wind, a squirrel or a cat moving the branch.

Boys climbing the fence to giggle at an 11 year old me in a bathing suit then running away when I noticed them.

There was a part of me as I drove under the water that giggled to myself as no one could hear but me.

Is it bad that I kind of miss that?

The innocence of thinking someone was cute, giggling and holding hands.

I wish I had experienced any of that completely and not half assed..

Being out in the pool when it started to rain that night, feeling bigger and better than I ever had.

Being out in the pool with you and wanting to kiss you so bad that night.

Staying up late with you to watch Titanic (both VHS tapes back to back) and NOT fall asleep. I can't remember who'd fallen asleep first?

Half happy because I didn't make it to the part where Jack dies - you would've seen me run away moments before that scene to cry alone because it made me so sad.

I remember being at that Christmas party, I was 6 and you were 7.

The adults had been calling us and they couldn't find us because we were under a blanket in the dark in a room (by ourselves)

You had been kissing my neck so much under that blanket my mom had to buy me turtle necks in every colour of the rainbow to cover up the shit load of hickey's you left on my neck..

I can't remember who found us but I remember the blanket being ripped off of us and lights in my eyes and lots of yelling.

I was the kindergarten trollup and I had no idea...Nor did anyone else. My mom made sure of that Lol

I don't believe that purgatory is a real place,

But I do believe we all have mini fun sized versions of it living in us.

Living in our brains..

We can't see it, touch it, taste it or hear it.

Yet somehow it's there?

It's so real that you can actually go there, but just in your mind's vehicle. Only we usually use it for negative places and get lost on memory lane.

I'm just in the passenger seat, just along for the drive but I hope we park soon.

Inside with my eyes closed I can smell the car, it's rented. The keychain around the rearview jangles lightly over the low music playing.

It smells like new air fresheners and I'm in my seat leaning back awkwardly like I'm in a nascar race - my back is hurting sitting like this for too long.

I'm not in control..

It's always night time when I'm here and I can never see the drivers face, just a light silhouette.

I've spoken about this before in the past too I think.

Everyone says they'll stay and not to worry, then they wonder why you have trust issues and are in the middle of a mental breakdown.

I know people are lying yet I allow them too having too much hope that maybe I'm wrong this time..

Then it happens again, proving me right again.

I even lowered my standards as I thought maybe I was just too choosey in picking friends, then people started coming to me and it was still all the same crap all over again.

No changes...

No surprises..

Nothing is new anymore and that's truly sad.

I have people around me now since my mom passed away and to me none of them are no more than acquaintances.

Nobody that I'd actually want to go for a coffee with.

Nobody I can just call up randomly because I want to, I have to be "squeezed" in or it has to be "arranged" leaving me feeling like I'm a burden.

It's just better to leave everyone alone...

I finally stood up for myself, I told the church lady that I didn't want her making plans for me and that church was in itself overwhelming for me that I'd add on things slowly down the road if I'd like to do I get used to everything slowly.

She got pissy and told me that "fine" she'd "not send me anything anymore" and I haven't heard anything from her in 3 days.

It was very childish and I can't deal with people who refuse to do anything other than what they choose to do.

I do not have to explain my grieving process to people who said "I know" a little too much in the beginning..

Shouldn't they know me then?

~Jenni

[eyeless-jeff666]

I Think We're Alone Now

First writing for this fandom and especially wolfstar! Fluff, mild angst, songfic Wordcount: 457

“Children, behave.”

Something Sirius and his gang had been told more than once. Not by Sirius’ mother, she would never have said it as softly as he heard from his friends’ parents. Back then, despite his family, he felt like he could rule the world just by being part of the Marauders alone.

“And watch how you play.”

Sirius wished he had. Wished he had made better decisions, known things sooner. Wished he hadn’t suspected the wrong person. He wished he had watched out better for signs of a frail, lacking-behind boy becoming who he was today.

“And so we’re running just as fast as we can.”

Oh, how they had run. Across the school ground, around the Quidditch field, the whomping willow and back. For no particular reason other than feeling the wind on their faces and the stinging in their lungs as they laughed, encouraging  Peter as he arrived way after them.

“Holding onto one another’s hand.”

He wished he hadn’t been too scared to. Too scared to hold Remus’s hand, too scared to kiss him or even tell him what he felt. The warm feeling whenever he looked into the other’s eyes, the pang of utter sadness as he lay in Sirius’ lap after a full moon.

“Trying to get away, into the night.”

How often he’d dreamed of breaking free. Twelve years of dreaming, of seeing the man he’d wrongfully blamed again. To embrace him tightly and never let go. He had wanted to kiss him, tell him everything, fall asleep with him.

“And then you put your arms around me and we tumble to the ground.”

After meeting again that fateful night. The situation was complex, feelings running high like a rollercoaster. Happiness, fear, anger, disgust. Oh, how his heart had  started beating the second Remus began joking and embraced him. And all those years seemed unimportant for a moment.

“I think we’re alone now.”

After their friendship had ended through death and betrayal, they were alone. No longer friends but lovers who danced slowly in the dim light of softly flickering flames. Kissing as though it was all they were born to do.

“There doesn’t seem to be anyone around.”

And there didn’t have to be. The two of them were enough, safe in the walls of 12 Grimmauld Place, with the whole night to spend together without worrying what tomorrow was going to bring should it come for them.

“The beating of our hearts is the only sound.”

When they fell asleep together. Calmed by the steady sound of the other’s heartbeat and breathing, a gentle reminder they were still alive. Traumatized, scared, stressed but alive and together. And they promised to stay that way until death do them part.

[aeoki]

Toyland - Prologue 1

Location: 1-B Classroom Characters: Touri & Yuuta Season: Autumn Writer: Yoshino Yuuki

Yuuta: Christmas is~ just a few~ more night’s away~♪

Touri: You’re making way too much of a fuss, commoner~ You say Christmas but it’s only been a few days since “Halloween Party” ended.

Commoners sure are a bunch of sad people, seeing how they don’t have a lot of ways to have fun and the fact that they’re being swayed left and right every time there’s an event~ 

Yuuta: Ahaha, you’re not very honest, huh, Hime-kun. I can’t imagine a kid like you not being excited for Christmas.

If you’re not a good boy, then Santa won’t visit your house, you know~

Touri: Don’t call me a kid. You’re the one who’s younger~ Anyway, getting excited for Christmas isn’t a privilege that only the commoners get.

You don’t have to tell me to be a good boy because I’m already one.

Santa’s gonna come to my house and I’ll ask him to make my wish come true~ Ehehe ♪

Yuuta: Ohh~... Hime-kun, you still believe in Santa at this age?

Touri: ……? What’re you talking about? Santa lives overseas and he’ll come into your house through the chimney if you’re a good kid, right?

Every year, I tie a huge stocking to the pillar of my bed and inside that stocking is a piece of paper with my wish on it.

And Santa personally gives me exactly what I want. Isn’t that great~? ♪

Yuuta: Yeah. Don’t ever change, Hime-kun.

Touri: Uuu~! Why’re you patting my head with a bright smile on your face? I know you’re my friend but you’re being way too casual!

I thought you were more gentle compared to Hinata, but the more I talk to you, the more I feel I’m just talking to him instead~!

Yuuta: I think it’s because it’s you, Hime-kun. I can’t help but wanna tease you all the time~

Maybe it’s something leftover from our “Circus” training.

Touri: Uuu, don’t make me remember. It’s a lot of fun talking to you two, but I don’t want any more training!

I really won’t be able to get married at this point~!

Yuuta: Ahaha, looks like that training was pretty traumatic for you, huh~

But you still became friends with me and Aniki despite that, so I guess you’re pretty strange? No, I guess you’re a nice person, Hime-kun ♪

Touri: No, that would be you two, right~? You’ll probably get something nice too out of your relationship with me.

But I don’t think you two are friends with me to gain something from our relationship…

People who ignore those sorts of advantages and disadvantages are what people call “friends”, right? That’s why I thought it would be fine for me to add you to that list.

Yuuta: I see. There, there…♪

Touri: I just told you not to pat me like that! Oh, geez, do I have to train a bad dog who doesn’t listen to what others say~?

Yuuta: Training a bad dog…? Actually, I learnt how to train animals from Aniki, so I can train you instead. Heheh ♪

Touri: Don’t say something so scary like you’re proud of it! Uuu~... I’m joking so don’t actually be serious about it!

Yuuta: Don’t cry, Hime-kun~ I’m sorry for saying something so scary this early in the day, okay?

Actually, did you always come to school this early?

I’m on classroom duty today so I came to school early to open the classroom up, but you still had time to come a bit later, right?

Tsukasa-kun usually arrives pretty early but even he hasn’t come yet.

Touri: Ugh, don’t mention that awful name… Me and him can never ever see eye to eye with each other. I really hate him.

Yuuta: You guys argue whenever you see each other, huh.

I think you guys could be pretty good friends if you two just talked things out, though~ But I shouldn’t be poking my nose into other people’s business.

I’m sure you’ve got your own opinions about things and Tsukasa-kun has his own too.

Touri: You’re pretty good at understanding people. Do you tend to take a step back because your older brother has that personality of his? Well, I guess it’s way better than a certain enthusiastic someone.

Next Chapter →

[f0point5]

Ok ok ok so I KNOWWW y/n is dysfunctional and emotionally scarred, totally not glossing over all that. What I will say tho is as someone who is relatively (luckily!) un-traumatized when it comes to family & romantic relationships can I just say it makes me sad that y/n thinks she’s not ambitious or successful enough to keep Max’s attention or deserve his affection as a romantic partner long term. As an outsider, even ignoring y/n and Max’s obvious love for each other, I would assume max would want someone who would just love him for him and support him in his endeavors - it would barely even occur to me to think that one of the top qualities he would look for would be someone with ambitions to rival his own. If anything I think he would be exhausted trying to chase his own success while also supporting a partner who’s chasing their own (if it was anything as large scale as what he does). I think he values a partner who has a certain degree of independence but if he and y/n were dating and she was off training to be an Olympic equestrian all the time instead of being able to join him in the paddock for race weekends I honestly think our boy would get mighty sad :// THEREFORE I am frUsTRaTEd that she thinks she’s not successful enough for him. Fingers crossed she eventually gets the kind of reassurance she needs to know that she doesn’t need to do more or do better to be enough for max

(Lololol I’m so parasocially attached to a nonexistent reader insert/oc someone give me a reality check)

I agree with you, but those sort of partnerships can work eg Lily and Alex. I don’t think Max necessarily cares that much but from the outside you can imagine how someone would think he might. Max is an uncompromising competitor, he wants to be the best at everything, I can imagine how she would think, why would he want less than that in a partner?

Also, Y/N and Max have known each other a long time, it’s not just the last 6 years she had for data gathering. There were also all the years before that when Max ignored her for being shallow and an typical teenager, back when he was the teenage wunderkid who thought he was better than her. At least, that was how it felt back then. And Y/N has had a front row seat to Max’s meteoric career rise, she’s watched him excel in pressure that completely broke her. She watched her dad pour money into Max’s career and earn Jos’s respect, while she quit the thing her father loved and was never allowed to forget that she was a disappointment to him.

She and Max have lived parallel lives in many ways, there’s a lot of history that goes into how she feels. Some is legitimate, some is just her own feelings, but it’s all fairly rational thought, even if there’s parts of that history or present that she’s blind to.

[draftycastle]

The Language of Flowers: Reaction

In which: I am made to feel things, get mad about being made to feel things, gush over prose, fall in love with Lyra’s ability to portray emotion, talk starry existentialism, start two petitions and go on a tangent about miserably sad fools who are boring and beige.

Lyra Brie! You’ve thrown a fish hook down my throat and are pulling out my heart! It is very painful!

“I can't tell her that I still love her even if I can't touch her like I used to.”

Right off, you got down that feeling of when something so significant happens it cracks your foundations, changes something inside that makes it feel impossible to connect to people like you once did, no matter how much you want to, no matter how much love, it’s just to much pain to bear.

   “Mom still reaches out to touch me, instinctively”

Those instinctual habits from our love ones, that are well meaning, but haven’t caught up to the current reality, can be unmooring. We know they are meant with kindness, which’s adds all the more guilt to pain.

This whole first scene really hits home hard. Theres a theme of isolation here, the kind of isolation that comes from when you are so trapped inside yourself that you become a stranger, watching life from the outside in.

The inability and struggle to talk about traumatic events is a very real and raw experience that more people have than we care to think. Pain is a very hard thing to acknowledge. You also included the anger at a trauma for what it’s taken away from the person. This makes her feel very dimensional, and genuine to me. She’s not just a passive punching bag. She’s sitting there, fully realized and with feeling.

**

Scene two and my first thoughts: Libraries are such sanctuaries! The power of story!

   “Mom still believes I will just get better with time, the way she kept watering her wilted flowers thinking they would come back to life if she just cared enough”

Something something the way Our loved ones feel guilty for our pain, and then in our pain we feel guilty for their guilt.

“If only I could read, I could get out of this body, this tainted skin, for just a moment.” Then later “I was trying to escape my skin by crawling so deeply into myself that I was not part of my body anymore”

I think, many of us can relate very strongly to this urge for escapism. Why else would social media, video games, make up, Movie and Tv, fiction books ect be quite so popularly addicting? And then you also show us that disgust for the self after a traumatic event, even when what happened is not the fault of either us or our bodies.

“I resist the urge to hide…The second I make myself known to the people here, they will want to touch me.”

Aka “The mortifying ordeal of being known”

“Fix me, fix me, fix me, I want to scream. But I have no way to say anything.”

How badly do we want the pain to be taken away? How afraid are we of the pain it takes to heal?

“The smells of flowers and grass and early spring air fill me. This is what peace smells like.”

When I tell you I GASPED at this gorgeous bit of prose.

**

I appreciate how you don’t have her be immediately successful, immediately healed, as soon as she gives it her first try. How the power here lies in building trust, in choices, in her putting in the work of healing, and not just Love At First Sight Fixes All.

Pretty Boys are not cures!

**

“I can't decide if I hope he will or won't”

If that indecision isn’t a Mood.

“i don't want to be alone” will always get me.

“Would he ever be able to speak to me? This was lovely, right now, when we both believed I would be able to touch and communicate eventually. Would I, though? Even if I can use the flowers, that's still not the same. That's not my language”

You balance so many things so well in her: she has anger, hope, doubt, fear, grief ect. This juggling I think is what really gives this story’s emotional punches their strength.

**

“Statice sits on the ground next to me, trying to be close enough to be comforting without pushing my boundaries. I appreciate that.”

WE STAN A BOUNDRY RESPECTING KING!

Hes trying to comfort her on HER terms, in a way SHE wants, instead of what he thinks “should” be.

“I'm not sure I can. I desperately need to be held, to be told that I will be okay, that things will get better, but I cannot stomach the touch required”

Petition to get her a weighted blanket.

“..such an expanse to fill with dreams.” THAT PROSE AGAIN! I’m weak.

Also I want to live in a giant tree library with winged rabbits. Unfair I’m not.

Petition for me to to live in a giant tree library with winged rabbits?

“I start to worry about the anger I saw in him. I've never seen it before, but that doesn't mean it's not commonly occurring around other people. What if he's only being nice to me to gain my trust?”

She has such well developed emotion and a really authentic representation of PTSD.

The reoccurrence of this time line she set for herself: “It's nearly the end of spring, and I told myself I'd be better before summer.” UGH. You sneaky little mind spy Lyra Brie. How are so good at pulling out human experiences and emotions like that?

“To stare at the stars and realize how big the universe is, how much this all stretches beyond the two of us, and yet we get to be here together.”

Ah yes, the optimistic existentialism of star gazing. It’s part of why I love it.

“He is choosing to spend time with me despite how hard the lack of communication makes our friendship”

You are always worthy of friends and love and human connection. Being “too much” is a lie and a scam invented by boring people in beige who are really actually quite sad and miserable. Don’t listen to sad miserable fools in beige.

“Why can't I just be normal?”

Totally not feral over this, no sir.

“I work on my sewing a bit, trying to stitch these pieces of fabric back together. Maybe I can't fix me, but I could fix these clothes”

What a wonderful illustration of one of those tiny life moments of trying to control what we can.

“I'm willing to give myself time, though, and I have hope that it will come when it's ready.”

Such beautiful character growth. We all need to relearn what it is to show ourselves this kind type of grace.

“  I don't know why I insisted on doing these things, even know they won't be able to understand or read any of it. They can't speak my new languages. There's still no way for me to actually communicate with them.    I sigh, laying down on the grass. I had insisted on starting this story, for some reason. I might as well finish it. Maybe not for them, but for me”

Sometimes it can silly to do or make something for yourself, but it really is very important. Even if it feels “too different” for others to understand at times. More people will probably get more out of it than you assume.

**

If I took a shot of water every time hope appears in Lyra Brie stories I’d be a very hydrated person.

   “Maybe love is a language of its own, and you can feel it, even if you don't know what the other person is saying.”

No words. That stands on its own.

   “Everything has changed. I am different. Will they be okay with that, once they understand? They'll have to get to know me all over again. But maybe some things are still the same.    Maybe this old part of me can be part of the new, too.”

Im so strongly in love with this I’m going to be sick!

The moments with her parents were she’s first hugging her parents again, telling them her story and she loves them, and how much she missed them- wow. Just wow. Wow. WOW. W-O-W. It’s hard to choose a favorite moment but that just might be it.

“I hold them out to him, encouraging his healing the same way he did all those months for me” What a lovely image to close with. I adore the reoccurring flower motif through out. That supportive element of floriography becoming such a healing, comforting thing really just makes this story all the more special.

To summarize: I was made me Feel Feelings against my will.