#and where tf else am i supposed to go

[chaoscradle]

im so tired of just. not being a priority

[pilonciillo]

i genuinely don’t know how i’m supposed to act at my age

[dadfag]

Damn shawty you move on quickly

when the dick is good the dick is good

[snekdood]

i feel like this is basically my dynamic with this site and many of its inhabitants

[parseisflat]

i want to go to (school) i like so many things about it but their english program is STRUGGLING rn this is such a difficult decision.

[evadingreallife]

I say yes but what i mean is that i need a moment to think about where the sun is and then i'll know where north is

My friend just. Didn't know where north was???

[puppyknucklezzz]

ngl, just using tumbl more has actually been doing me some good, i wa crashing out and completely stopped doing the little things that make me happy, like yapping with fellow fans of shit, listening to music, bird watching and tree hugging and shiz. like ... man ... I was losing myself frfr, lemme get back in these discords and aminos and shit. watch some adventure time and bluey and dead end paranormal park and stuff. t h a t s the self care i been missing frfr.

[httpsserene]

𝐡𝐨𝐛𝐛𝐲 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐫 | 𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐨

summary: nobody can keep up with your growing list of hobbies, except fernando.

pairing: fernando alonso x brazilian!fem!reader

content warning: fluff and humor. explicit language.

from, serene: requested by and written for @loomiscorpse 🤍 i promised that i would write this for you in july and i finally found the time to fulfill it! this is how i learned fernando has a back tat. what rock have i been living under? happy reading, babes xxx

(in case i'm m.i.a., there's a category 5 hurricane that's looks pretty serious. i'm probably going to have a power outage. prayers to anyone else in the path of the storm, evacuate if you're on the west coast, and stay safe.)

⌕ join taglist | upcoming chapters | table of contents ↻

igstory • yourinstagram just uploaded!

[caption1; sip and paint with the ladies 👩🏽‍🎨🎨 carmenmmundt kellypiquet][caption2; for my first painting, this is good right?]

alexandrasaintmleux: i'll put it in a gallery 🤩 alexandrasaintmleux: i can't believe i'm friends with the best artist of our time 😌 yourinstagram: alex pleaseee omg 😳🤭 yourinstagram: you realize that means you think i'm better than claude monet right ? alexandrasaintmleux: ,,,second best artist of our time yourinstagram: 😆😆😆

fernandoalo_official: looks beautiful 😍 yourinstagram: you really think so??? fernandoalo_official: yes i like what you did with the colors and brush strokes of course yourinstagram: what detailed compliments meu bem 😂

carmenmmundt: i still don't believe that you've never painted before 🤨 carmenmmundt: you did so well !!!!!! yourinstagram: thank you my love 🥰 yourinstagram: i think i am going to keep painting. it was very fun! carmenmmundt: you should! you're quite good at it :)

instagram • yourinstagram

liked by heidiberger_, fernandoalo_official, francisca.cgomes and 101,723 others

yourinstagram encontro noturno em cores 🖼️

view comments

user1: ptbr to eng translation "date night in color 🖼️"

user2: wow!!! you improved so much already! have you been taking lessons?

➥ yourinstagram: thank you! the only lessons i'm learning are from youtube haha ➥ yourinstagram: and i have painted every day since i started! ➥ user3: you definitely have a natural talent for this! and a lot of potential!!! ➥ user4: it's taken me years to develop a minimal understanding of color theory and shadows. she's done it in two weeks 😕

user5: i know leonardo hates that he didn't paint this 😩😩😩

➥ user6: he's rolling in his grave for sureeee 🙂‍↕️ ➥ user7: bitch why tf would a ninja turtle be mad about this ☠️ ➥ user8: leonardo DA VINCI YOU UNEDUCATED CUR ➥ user7: my fault forgot the turtle wasn't the only person named leo 🫣🫠 ➥ user8: HOW DO YOU FORGET THE MAN WHO PAINTED THE MONA LISA ⁉️⁉️⁉️

pepemartiofficial: i loved doing art in school! i can teach you a few things if you want 😁😁😁

➥ yourinstagram: you mean primary school? which was like last year for you? i think i'll pass garoto 🥴 ➥ fernandoalo_official: josep maria marti sobrepepa don't piss me off. ➥ fernandoalo_official: test me and you can say goodbye to a formula one seat. ➥ user9: ain't no way pepe just tried to step to fernando's girl who's TEN !!! years older than him ➥ pepemartiofficial: shhh i can be mature for her 🤤 ➥ fernandoalo_official: count your days 🥱

carlossainz55: the painting is really good, you made the water look so realistic!

➥ yourinstagram: obrigada carlitos! ➥ carlossainz55: where's fernando's painting 😈 ➥ yourinstagram: it was very good! but he did not want me to post a photo of it :((( ➥ fernandoalo_official: it was very ugly carlos 🙄 ➥ yourinstagram: it was not that bad i just could not tell that it was supposed to be a tiger and not a house cat that was struck by lightning 😅 ➥ carlossainz55: i will pay to see this painting 🤣🤣🤣

twitter

igstory • astonmartinf1 just uploaded!

[caption1; admin was just forcibly handed bear coasters ??? she said they remind her of lance 🐻][caption2; the crochet culprit is on to her next project!]

user: lance bear agenda still going strong 💪

lance_stroll: i want bear coasters 😞 astonmartinf1: meet me downstairs, she gave me extras to hand out to the team lance_stroll: she's the best 🤩🤩🤩 lance_stroll: see you in 5?

user: DUDE she's onto clothes already??? how?!!!

user: admin i need you to send me photos of that sketchbook ��🤲🏻 user: i need her patterns admin i'm not playing around astonmartinf1: lol get blocked loser 💀

instagram • fernandoalo_official

liked by carlossainz55, lance_stroll, yourinstagram and 234,586 others

fernandoalo_official there is yarn and hooks in my car. this has gone too far.

view comments

yourinstagram: you make a man a shirt with the materials HE bought for you and it's a problem. ungrateful behavior nano 😤

➥ fernandoalo_official: the shirt is very nice i even posed for a picture. all i ask is for no hooks to be left in the cupholders? ➥ yourinstagram: can we compromise and i leave them in the glove box 🥺

user10: let me get this straight: you crochet for a month and suddenly you become a fashion designer?

➥ yourinstagram: not a month, three weeks* i have been crocheting ➥ user11: oh fuck off- how are you good at everything 😩😩😩 ➥ yourinstagram: i am not! and i still cannot make a granny square no matter how hard i try to ☹️ ➥ user12: you don't need to know how to make a granny square when you can make actual pieces of clothing!!!

landonorris: may i have something crocheted too?

➥ yourinstagram: what would you like landinho 😊 ➥ landonorris: may i have a beanie? or a sweater?? ➥ georgerussell: ooooh i'd like a beanie too! ➥ francisca.cgomes: i want that top you're wearing! or something similar!!!! ➥ lance_stroll: what about earmuffs? ➥ lilymhe: a cardigan would be so nice ➥ charlesleclerc: i want a sweater!!! ➥ fernandoalo_official: leave her alone you greedy children 👹 ➥ yourinstagram: ignore him! text me what you all want with inspiration photos and i will let you know!!!

messages • sebastian -> fernando

igstory • yourinstagram just uploaded!

[caption1; hobby update >>>][caption2; to the woman at the craft store who put me onto oil paints...you saved my life][caption3; the wag crochet requests are almost finished!][caption4; first pottery class! had a really fun time :)]

user: i-i need to sit down👄 user: how do you even have time to do all of this?

user: i feel like i've never taken my hobbies seriously after seeing this

user: ffs how long have you been doing pottery? user: it's hard to learn at first but it's worth it if you stay committed 🫶🏽

instagram • yourinstagram

liked by charlesleclerc, lilymhe, francolapinto, and 192,037 others

yourinstagram que divertido! thrown, painted, and fired by me 🌸

view comments

user13: this is a reminder that there's always somebody out there doing what you love better than you 😒

➥ user14: wasn't she JUST at her first pottery class? and she already has a set of dishware 😨

user15: i feel like i have to apologize for even attempting pottery

user16: i would hate to give my gift after her on birthdays and christmas 😬😬😬

➥ user17: valid take. she can make custom clothes, paintings, and ceramics??? i might as well not even show up 🤦🏻‍♀️

kellypiquet: where do you even find the time to do this?

➥ yourinstagram: i have not slept for more than five hours in a very long time. it also distracts me when nano is away so, i keep myself busy. ➥ kellypiquet: please take better care of yourself! the clay will be there after you sleep and i'm sure fernando would like you to sleep too. ➥ fernandoalo_official: 8 hours at least mi amor ❤️ ➥ yourinstagram: fiiiiine 😞

lance_stroll: bring the domino set next time! i want to learn how to play!!!

➥ yourinstagram: i will make you cry if we play dominoes 🤫

user18: you need to start an etsy shop or smth? i think anybody would buy something from you!

➥ yourinstagram: if i do that, i'm afraid it would stop being a hobby and become a job. i don't want to lose the love i have for them :) user19: you could do limited releases? or just list a few items at a time? yourinstagram: i guess that's true. i don't think i will though, i didn't start my hobbies to make money. it's just fun for me 😁

twitter

igstory • fernandoalo_official just uploaded!

[caption; onto the next obsession]

user: damn you didn't lie about the entire botantical collection 😧 user: she's crazy user: i respect her grind though

user: and she made them look like actual boquets 😍 user: why didn't i think of that???

yourinstagram: they are not obsessions. yourinstagram: the proper term is hobby, we have talked about this nano 😒 fernandoalo_official: do you want the vespa or the bonsai…🤨 yourinstagram: both por favor! and get the porsche 911 kit while you are there 😚😚😚😚😚😚

user: she crocheted her own cover up dress user: i love women 🙂‍↕️

instagram • yourinstagram

liked by fernandoalo_official, kellypiquet, landonorris, and 317,940 others

yourinstagram um hobby? ok. quatro hobbies ao mesmo tempo? não repita meus erros 🤕

view comments

user20: ptbr to eng translation "one hobby? ok. four hobbies at the same time/once? do not repeat my mistakes 🤕"

➥ user21: thank u translator woman ➥ user22: thank u translator woman ➥ gabrielbortoleto_: thank u translator woman ➥ user24: one of these things is not like the others 🧐

landonorris: can't wait till it gets chilly in monaco 😌

➥ landonorris: the only thing i'm going to be photographed in is my crochet beanie and sweater ➥oscarpiastri: i'm surprised you're not wearing it now since you're perpetually cold ➥ landonorris: i didn't want to bring it in my luggage in case it's the time i lose my luggage 🤓 ➥ oscarpiastri: wow…that's smart ➥ landonorris: why do you sound so surprised 🤨

lilymhe: i see you learned how to make granny squares 😆

➥ yourinstagram: it took me three whole days to make one 🤧 ➥ lilymhe: damn 💀 ➥ yourinstagram: i am not lying when i say making that first granny square was harder than making your cardigan 😮‍💨

fernandoalo_official: is it weird if i feel proud of you?

➥ yourinstagram: i think it is something to be proud of :) ➥ fernandoalo_official: well i am very proud of you mi amor 😘 ➥ yourinstagram: 🥰😚😚❤️❤️❤️

user25: those paintings!!!! woah, you're like a serious artist now 😨😳😱

➥ user26: fr! you can see her own unique style clearly in these! ➥ yourinstagram: you all are too sweet! it took me a while to switch from reference painting into creating my own art pieces! ➥ alexandrasaintmleux: i wasn't joking when i said i want to put your work in a gallery 🤭🥱 ➥ yourinstagram: alex pleaseee 😖

user28: what are you going to do next? book binding LMAO

➥ yourinstagram: you are right! nano is out buying the supplies for me now 😁 ➥ user28: i was joking 😟 ➥ yourinstagram: and after that i think i am going to learn how to make a cute scrapbook!

© httpsserene - do not repost. photos used are from pinterest.

[thesunisatangerine]

prometeme (promise me)

alexia putellas x streamer!reader

warning/s: nothing, just fluff

a/n in the tags

*first emoji set: grinning face with big eyes and a thumbs up

*second emoji: a thumbs up

You put the controller down, hands shaking, letting out a victorious sigh of relief. 

“Woah, that boss was something else. Jeez, I’m literally shaking, guys. I can’t believe I survived that last hit!” You chuckled, still a little breathless from the adrenaline pumping through you as you looked at the camera. “We nearly died but we pulled through! I’m just going to take a small break ‘cause that was intense!”

You stretched your arms before you grabbed your tumbler of water next to you, allowing your eyes to flit over the windows on your three monitors, ensuring that everything functioned properly for the stream. 

Then as you sipped your water, you spied a rather big influx of comments on one of your chats from the corner of your eyes. It was your Instagram chat that seemed to be in danger of exploding–that fact in and of itself was weird because most of your audience were on Twitch and YouTube. So you frowned, squinting your eyes slightly to see what was happening.

‘why is alexia putellas here?’

‘So…. are we not going to talk about how Alexia Putellas is watching this?’

‘omgggg HI ALEXIAAaA!!!’

‘wait alexia who??’

‘ALEXIA?!!1?!?’

‘FORÇA BARÇA!!!!!!!!’

‘yoooo alexia is here?!?’

‘yall who tf is this alexia???’

Your eyes nearly bugged out of your sockets and you just as nearly spat out the water in your mouth. And sure enough when you scrolled up as subtly as you could, there it was: alexiaputellas joined. What the fuck is she doing?! And as if it wasn’t already bad enough, you saw her comment. 

alexiaputellas: nice 😃👍*

That did nothing but add fuel to the fire because more comments started flooding in, most of them freaked out and confused.

‘guys she just commented!!!!’

‘eyooo look at your chat alexia wants to talk to you!!1!’

‘do you two know each other??’

‘HI ALEXIA!!

‘can somne pls tell me who alexia issss’

‘alexia aren’t you supposed to be training why are you here lol

‘this is so random wtffff’

‘ikr i didnt even know she likes stuff likes this’

And then you spotted the question you dreaded to see: 

‘wait, are you guys dating??!!?!?’ 

Oh, you were so going to kill her for this. But first, you needed to find a way to calm this situation down without arousing further suspicion because if you ignored it, it would definitely just come back to bite the both of you. 

Most of your followers knew that you liked football. You’d mentioned on a number of occasions that Alexia was one of your favorite players so you knew you couldn’t act too dumb but you couldn’t act too familiar, either. You needed to act just excited enough to know that one of your favorite footballers was watching you but not overtly so that it would look unconvincing. Yet still, that wouldn’t answer the question of why Alexia Putellas would be watching a videogame livestream especially when said livestreamer wasn’t someone she followed. Not to mention that the time at where Alexia was supposed to be was–you looked at the clock widget on your monitor that displayed your time and Spain’s–was currently 3 am!

Alexia, you little shit.

Thankfully, you caught sight of a comment on your Twitch chat that gave you a good segue to start addressing this.

“‘Hey, look at your Insta chat,’” you read out before adding, “why? What are you guys up to on there?”

You made a show of moving your mouse. 

“Woah! Okay, why are y’all freaking out?” You squinted your eyes slightly, trying to seem like you were trying to figure out what was happening. Immediately, you were bombarded with responses telling you that Alexia was there.

“‘Alexia Putellas is watching’. Ha, very funny. There’s no way, y’all are just playing me.”

Then another good response popped up for what you said and you read it out loud. “‘She commented something.’ Where?”

You scrolled your mouse profusely, furrowing your brows for effect. Once you found it, you held your breath, widened your eyes slightly and covered your mouth with your hand.

“Holy sh–no, there’s no way… Uh–I don’t know what to–Hi, Alexia! And, thank you?” You put your face in your hands as you let out an embarrassed sound–half-real and partly an act. It wasn’t difficult to imitate a fan when you were one yourself and just because you were dating Alexia that didn’t stop you from fanning over her when she’s on the pitch. 

The chat seemed to calm down and you were thankful that that little play worked. 

Then you added, addressing the chat but you hoped that Alexia would get the clue to not do anything else or better, to leave the live. “This is so weird! I don’t know why she’s on here but Alexia, I hope you enjoy the show!”

To your mortification, Alexia replied in the chat again.

alexiaputellas: don’t worry, i will 👍*

Groaning internally, you watched as the chat exploded again. What did you expect really? You had to admit you played yourself there, you should had known that Alexia would do that. You tried to do damage control but at this point, you just hoped that your followers wouldn’t look into this too much. You made a mental note to talk to Alexia about her not joining any of your streams with her official account. 

“Okay, so I guess we should get this show back on the road, huh?” With that, you picked up the controller and started again. You had about an hour of streaming left and you started counting down the seconds. You only hoped Alexia wouldn’t try anything again.

———

“Thank you to everyone who tuned in tonight! I enjoyed it very much and I hope you did, too! Have a good night–or a good day depending on what time you’re watching this–and I’ll see you guys again in the next stream!”

You waved and directed one last smile at the camera before you disconnected the stream from all your platforms. Then you spent some time tidying up some loose ends before finally shutting everything down. You stretched as you got out of the chair, opened the door of your stream room, and made your way to the living room.

“Did you have fun?” You asked drily, throwing Alexia a dirty look as you crossed your arms and leaned against the doorframe of the living room. Alexia laid comfortably down on the couch, a matching pair of grey sweats and shirt on, feet propped up on one end and one arm under her head on the other. She placed her phone down on the coffee table when she heard your voice, looking at you with an innocent look though the cheeky quirk at the corner of her lips said anything but.

“Well, since you asked, I did.” She added, grinning, “you looked so cute flustered like that.”

“You’re unbelievable!” You grumbled as you threw your hands up in exasperation but there was no sting to it. And what did you get in response? The sound of cheerful laughter. It was contagious and the mask on your face cracked, making way for a smile that left your cheeks hurting from how wide it was.

You walked towards the couch and Alexia scooched over, making space for you as she held her hand out the moment you got close enough. 

“Come here. I missed you.” Alexia said in a soft voice, her hazel eyes just as gentle in the low light. She pulled you down so you’d lay against her side, your head on her chest and you sighed contentedly, immediately melting in her tender warmth, her arms strong and steady wrapped around your waist. 

“It’s ony been three hours.”

“That was three hours worth of not having you next to me.” She kissed the top of your head as she muttered the words and you felt your chest ache as if your heart wanted to burst out to reach for hers. Being this close to her, it was the best place in the world. 

You hummed in response, nuzzling your nose against the column of her neck and breathed her in. “You’re such a sweet-talker.”

“Not if it’s true, my love.” Alexia countered without a second thought. Your cheeks and ears warmed and you hid your face in the crook of her neck.

“Alexia, stop!” 

You felt the vibration of her laughter against your cheek. “What? I’m not doing anything!”

“Yes, you are. You’re doing everything right that sometimes it scares me,” you admitted in a whisper. Alexia brought a hand over your cheek and brushed the skin there with her thumb in a soothing manner.

“Who’s the sweet-talker now?” Alexia said teasingly.

“God, you’re so annoying. I don’t know why I love you.”

At that, she laughed again. “You like it when I’m like this. And I love you, too.”

A moment of comfortable silence filled what little space between you. You listened to the steady rhythm of Alexia’s heartbeat beneath your ear as she played with your hair. 

Then you spoke, “just promise me one thing, darling?"

“What?” Alexia hummed.

“Warn me before you do that again.”

She turned to catch your gaze, brilliant mischief twinkled in those hazel eyes, her dimples showed as she said, “that I can’t do.”

“Alexia!”

[spidermans-l-o-v-e-r]

Ketchup Bottle

Pairing: Charlie Swan x agegap!Reader

Word count: 4.8k

Notes: Bruh where tf did this come from??? Like?? What do EYE mean Charlie Swan x Reader??

P.S this title is so funny

1

Charlie stares at the menu in front of him, his fingers pursing his lips. If he’s gonna be stood up, he might as well treat himself. 

Bella had been nagging him to “get back out there” recently.

“Mom is happy… I am… I just want you to be too.” 

She knew he didn’t really need anything, but she wasn’t stupid, she knew that he was definitely not doing great on his own. So she set him up on a blind date, one of Alice’s friends that Alice promised was exactly what Charlie needed.

He should have known better than to trust her…. Alright, that wasn’t nice, if he was going to trust any Cullen it was her. 

And maybe like, Emmett. 

He orders himself a nice steak and is just about to hand over the menu when a girl walks in absolutely drenched from head to toe. She looks like she’d fallen into the freaking ocean. He’s about to stand up and figure out what’s going on when the hostess starts walking toward him. 

“I can handle it from here” He sighs, getting up now and putting his hands on his hips. 

“You wanna talk in back? Maybe get you into something dry?” 

“T-that would be nice” 

He leads her back to where they busy to find her something warm. A chair is brought over next to the giant ovens and she sits gingerly on it, trying not to lean too close to them, the owner promises to come back with something dry. 

“You wanna tell me your name? And maybe about what happened?” He’s in cop mode as he puts his coat around her shoulders and she snuggles down into it. He removes a little leaf from her hair and flicks it away. 

She’s pretty, he notices. A young thing compared to him, dressed nicely, must have had a date.

“I’m Y/N” Your teeth chatter with each word and he has you scoot a little closer to the oven while rubbing your arms. He crouches down to get a good look at you, you’re not in too bad of shape… a few bruises here and there, little scrapes but you seem to be intact. 

“Alright Y/N, you able to tell me what happened?” 

“Nothing that would involve the Sheriff” you sigh “It was just an accident” 

“That would be something to involve a Sheriff with” He raises an eyebrow and you shift uneasily. He reaches out, taking your hand a bit awkwardly, and rubs the back of it, trying to warm you up, and hopefully soften you a bit in the process.

“My phone died” You mumble and he nods understandingly. 

“Alright, I got a phone you can borrow… and?” 

“I got rear-ended-“ you tug at the roots of your hair nervously and he holds your hand tighter, trying to calm you down “And- and they literally sped off?? It wouldn’t start after that and I had to leave my car on the side of the road and start walking and then it freakin’ started raining-“

“Were you able to get a plate number?” He asks it calmly, hoping to soothe you a bit and it seems to work as you sigh and let your head fall back 

“Man you bet I did… and I had a date tonight!! He probably thinks I stood him up!!!” 

He reaches into his pocket for his phone and unlocks it before handing it over. “How late are you? Maybe I can get you a police escort”

You giggle a little at his joke and start dialing the number you’d learned by heart from the little piece of paper your friend had given you. 

“We were supposed to meet here at around 7? And it’s literally 8:30 now… I’m sure he’s gone.” The number goes straight to busy and you pout.

“Do you know what he looks like?” 

“No…blind date. I’m not from around here” You try dialing again, but it goes right to busy. “But I know his name!” 

“What is it? Maybe I can help ya find him.” 

“Charlie Swan?” 

Charlie stares at the floor as you change into some clean pajama pants and pull a shirt over your head. He didn’t say anything about the fact that you were his date apparently… he just took you home with him because honestly he didn’t really know where else to take you. He bought you dinner there, had it boxed up so you could leave together-

Seriously? You?

He couldn’t deny you were pretty, your hair was so soft and bouncy now that it was somewhat dry, and you so weren’t lying when you said you weren’t from around here, your skin was too sun-kissed to have been from around here. 

Still… 

What the hell were those two thinking? And okay a better question, one he wasn’t even sure he wanted the answer to. 

You were friends with Alice? 

Did that mean…? 

“Thanks again” You sigh as you come out of the bedroom, Bella’s old room, while using a towel to scrunch your hair. He’d all but shoved you into the bathroom for a hot shower while he picked out a few things of Bella’s for you to wear. He called her to make sure it was cool and he heard Emmett screaming some less than great ideas for clothing. 

“Yeah it’s no problem…kinda my job” He watches you plop down at the kitchen table and rub your hands together while laughing evilly before opening the takeout container in front of you. He smirks a little at that while grabbing a couple beers from the fridge.

“Figure maybe we can get your car tomorrow? Tow it in… I know a guy who can fix it for ya” 

He sits next to you, watching you eat. You’re eating human food, but didn’t he hear that they did that anyway? To fit in? 

“Penny for your thoughts?” You pop a fry in your mouth and he shrugs, slouching in his chair a little and tilting his head back.

“It’s nothin'” He shrugs and sits up again, grabbing the mail from the table and perusing distractedly. “What about you huh? You doin any better?” 

“Yeah” You shrug back “I guess” 

“You guess?” He sets the paper down and waits for you to chew your burger before grabbing your beer

“It’s stupid”

“Oh, I doubt that” he crosses his arms over his chest, giving you his full attention and you look down at your box for a second.

“He didn’t call… to see if I was okay” you smile a little sadly “I know I accidentally stood him up… but he never asked if everything was okay” 

Charlie is… definitely starting to grow a bit of a soft spot for you. He sighs and melts into his chair miserably before slapping his hands over his face. 

“He knows you’re fine” 

“And just how does he know? The jerk never checked in. Can you believe that?? He never even asked where I was! What if I was in a ditch!!” 

“Were you?” He interrupts and you huff

“Luckily no…”

He snorts and you roll your eyes “He could have called”

“He knows you’re fine” he repeats himself and now you cross your arms over your chest.

“That’s not helpful” 

“Have you tried calling him again?”

“Why? It all goes straight to busy… I think- I think he blocked my number.” 

He can hear the sadness in your voice and it just about breaks his heart. He reaches over and gently moves a curl from your face.

“I didn’t-“ he has to take a breath before he continues “I didn’t block your number, Y/N. We’ve been so go-go-go I didn’t really get the chance to introduce myself, you just sort of fell in my lap”

You narrow your eyes and purse your lips “Hmmmm yeah you know I’m startin’ to realize “Mr. Sheriff guy” isn’t exactly a name…” 

“You literally went home with me” He runs his hands through his hair

“You’re a sheriff-“

“Chief”

“Now you wanna correct me? And anyway, everyone you know… seemed to let it happen!! so!!”

“Is- is this really how you live??” 

“Says the guy who never told me his name.” You scoff and cross your arms and it’s his time to narrow his eyes at you. 

Maybe you were friends with Emmett. 

“Okay. First, you never asked. Second, again you know it’s been kind of a busy night and-“

“Shouldn’t the first thing you do be to introduce yourself?” 

“Okay we- we are not turning this around on me-“

“You brought a stranger home!!!”

“Did you want to stay in the jail??” 

“I’m a stranger! What if I murder you!!” 

“How did we get here?” Charlie looks at his hands as his phone starts ringing, he pinches the bridge of his nose and gives you a sassy look before answering it.

“Hey… yeah she’s here, I’ve got her” 

“Oh, so you are gonna murder me!” You point accusatorially and his mouth drops. 

“I’m not gonna murder you!! Jesus- here just, just take the damn thing.” He hands over the phone and gets up to give you some privacy.  

How in the hell Bella ever thought this was a good idea is completely lost on him. 

You creep into the living room, your head down as you shyly pass him his phone back. 

“Some first date huh?” 

Alice had… a good laugh at your expense when she realized you didn’t know who Charlie was or where you were. You wanted to slam your head into the table over and over when she slowly walked you through the entire thing.

You’d been hanging out with Emmett entirely too much. 

“I’ll say” He pats the couch and you sit next to him, leaning back into the cushions.

“I didn’t stand you up” You mumble and he grins, putting his arm over the back of the seat.

“Yeah, I know” 

“I wanted to be on time, I- I took so long to get ready” You sigh, letting your head fall against his arm and he looks at you.

“For a drowned rat, I think you looked pretty nice for what it’s worth.” 

You swat his chest and roll your eyes playfully as he chuckles. He runs his hand over your hair, before pulling you a little closer to him.

Is he… really putting the moves on you? And why does it feel natural? You lean into him easily, coming closer to him. He can’t tell if it’s because you want to be next to him, or because you’re cold. He grabs the throw blanket from the back of the couch and tosses it over you. He lets out a surprised grunt when you pull your legs up on the couch and snuggle into his side, putting some of the blanket over him too. 

“So what are we watching?” 

He hands you the remote and you put on some reruns of Murder She Wrote.

“Gonna have it all figured out before she does? Chief Swan”

He knows you’re messing around and he thinks it’s funny, but it’s the way you said his name like that, the title that literally everyone calls him that just feels… different coming from you. He shifts a little but flicks your arm as a distraction.

“Shut up” 

You both start to nod off after a while, his head falls on yours and he swears his dreams get sweeter, his body feels lighter, and the usual anxious ache in his shoulders is gone… it’s kind of odd, but welcoming.

You wake up a bit, and readjust yourself, prodding at him lightly to lay down. He finds himself easily doing whatever you want, as he puts his legs up on the couch and you nuzzle into him, your body slotting in between him and the couch. He’s never been the cuddling type, but when your head lays on his chest he can’t help but wrap his arms around you and softly rub your side, soothing you back to sleep. 

The next morning is…Awkward. His eyes flutter open and you’re still there, sleeping soundly on his chest. You’ve got his shirt gripped tightly in your fingers, your thigh over his torso. He’s not sure how he’s going to get out from under you without waking you but he needs to do it, and he needs to do it fast. He knows the second you wake up you’ll feel it… and he’s not sure whether it just happened or if it had something to do with you but god has he never hated being a man more than in this moment.

You shift a little with his movements and he freezes, taking time to make sure you settle back in before moving your arm off him, he sits up a bit and starts to slide out from under you when you startle and push away from him some.

“Charlie?” You mutter and he freezes again 

“Uh…yeah?” 

“Where are you going?” Your voice is so small and feminine, and there’s that sleepy little rasp and it’s- it’s been too long since he heard that specific sound. He gulps and stays where he is, hovering in a weird position. 

“Just… just to the bathroom?” 

“Oh… come back fast okay?” You turn away and curl up under the blanket and he sighs in relief before rushing off to the bathroom. 

“So I thought after breakfast we could go out to where you left your car… you remember where that is?” 

He looks down at the steaming cup of coffee in his hands, you’d insisted on making breakfast as a thank you and after much protest, you shoved him down into a chair and he let you do what you wanted. 

He’d nearly choked on said coffee when you came into the kitchen, wearing one of his t-shirts. The band logo stretched across your chest and it hugged your curves better than anything he’d ever seen. 

“Sorry I kinda went through your laundry, your daughter’s clothes are nice! Honestly!! They’re just…. A bit small?” You gesture awkwardly to your chest. He hadn’t even noticed that you might be having a problem with the clothes, you were both so tired. 

He nodded dumbly as you set the cup down in front of him with a little wink and turned toward the fridge to find the eggs. He kept his cup to his mouth suspiciously long as you bent down to grab a few from the carton on the bottom shelf. 

“I think I remember, sure works for me” 

“Alright, we just gotta pick up a friend on the way” 

Charlie grips the wheel tightly as he drives down the road you’d directed him to. Billy had spent the last 20 minutes cheerfully learning all about you, the second he got in the car, Charlie knew this was the biggest mistake he’d ever made. 

“So what happened to your hot date last night” Billy snickers as Charlie helps him into the car.

“Hot date huh?” You pop out from between the seats and Billy smiles, shaking your hand as you introduce yourself. 

“Yeah, big man over here finally got himself a date. Between you and me, I’ve been telling him he needed to get la-“ 

“Okay! Okay, this was fun! But you know Y/N why don’t you just buckle up okay? Thank you.” 

“He’s just being shy” Billy completely ignores Charlie trying to signal him to shut the fuck up and continues. “I bet she went home with a smile on her face and a wobble in her step” 

You burst out laughing and Charlie steps out of the car, he legitimately pulls over and steps out for a minute. You and Billy cackle at his blush, pointing and laughing when he smacks his head against the cool metal of the hood of the truck. 

“I apologize for the… vulgarity” He chuckles, wiping his tears. “Nothin’ gives me more joy than harassing him” 

“Oh trust me, this was great” 

Charlie gets back into the truck, flexing his fingers on the steering wheel as you and Billy giggle to yourselves. He’s silent as he pulls up alongside your car and you hop out. Billy lets out a low whistle and Charlie sets his forehead on the steering wheel. 

“Is that one of your shirts?”

“Yes.” 

“Did she find that herself or did you give it to her”

“She found it.” He takes off his seatbelt and reaches for the door handle.

“What did you tell your date? Did she see you with her?” 

“She was my date.” 

Charlie leaves Billy in the car to stew as he comes over to yours, he opens the passenger side and gets in, watching you rifle through some papers. 

“Is he dying inside” 

“Oh yeah definitely” He shuts the door and you look at him, grinning. 

“Yeah I thought you’d really like your sweet revenge when it came”

“You wanna point at him now and laugh” 

“Oh a hundred percent” 

He watches you gather up a few things before you sigh, your travel makeup box in your lap. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“I’m just… disappointed my hard work went to waste” You smile sadly and he reaches over, his hand cupping your face.

“I already told you, you looked pretty.” 

“You really think so?” You lean into his hand “I mean Alice told me all about how cool and impressive you were” 

He’d have to thank her for that.

“I just… kinda wanted to impress you too you know? I had on my best heels and everything!” You reach in back and pull them upfront. 

He shifts a little, his jeans tightening. They are nice shoes, they’re black and shiny, he’s sure he could see his reflection in them. 

“I had to change my shoes to start walking” You frown and he takes one from you, looking it over.

“Would you have asked for a second date?” 

You look over at him, he’s got a lopsided smile and you can’t help but smile back at him. 

“Would you like? A second date… I’ll admit this wasn’t much of a first” 

“I dunno” he shrugs “I had a nice time with you, breakfast was good” you giggle and lean your head against the headrest. He likes you, he realizes and that’s kind of weird for him, a grown-ass man having a crush. But here he is, feeling like kicking his feet every time you smile at him like that smile is meant just for him maybe.

“Let me make dinner for you tonight” 

He’s inviting you on a second date, ever since Bella had moved away she constantly told him he nodded a hobby, and in an effort to get his nagging loving daughter off his back, he decided to enroll in a cooking class. 

“Okay, I’d like that. And Charlie?” 

You open the car door and then lean over the center console, kissing him softly. It’s such a surprise it takes him a second before he kisses you back, his finger hooks under your chin and he holds you in place, knowing you want to run away from him. 

He’s… well versed you realize, as you melt under his warmth. And truly he doesn’t want to admit.. it’s been a while since he’d done something like this, you make him feel like a teenager again as he cups your cheek, pulling you closer to him. You’re just reaching to put your arms around his neck when suddenly the truck horn blows and you scream. Charlie groans and reaches into his pocket for his phone that’s ringing. 

“What. Do you want?!” 

“If you guys are gonna have sex can you like… turn me in the opposite direction” 

Billy has apparently recovered from making an accidental ass out of himself as you climb into the front seat of the truck while Charlie handles the tow truck and paperwork.

“You like him?” Billy asks as you watch Charlie, his hands on his hips.

“A lot, he’s really nice, kinda sarcastic, kinda funny, and he smells- soooooo good” 

“Okay. Didn’t need to know that part” 

“Are you gonna tell me I’m wrong??” 

“I don’t smell my best friend? Like. Ever?” 

“Inhale”

“What no I’m not gon-“

“In. Hale!!!” 

Billy is a full-grown man. He’s been through more than anyone ever should in their lifetime. 

And he inhales when this little girl tells him to.

He inhales slowly while you’re nodding your head up and down.

“Oh yeahhhh”

“….. Well shit” 

Charlie opens the door as you’re shaking Billy by the lapels of his shirt and you’re both screaming about how good he smells.

“Uhhhh do you guys want me to go?” He points backward and you smooth out Billy’s shirt and hop from the truck. Charlie opens the back door for you and you give him a little salute as you climb back in. 

“We’re cool… we’re good, we’re cool” 

“We’re normal” Billy shrugs. 

Once you’re back at his place, you decide to go take a little nap. You leave him and Billy downstairs chattering away like they did in high school and slip into his room. To be honest you’re not all together sure it’s okay that you’re in there… but the large neatly made bed is calling your name. 

You remove the ill fitting pants you’d borrowed from Bella and crawl under the covers, curling up into his pillow and inhaling slowly. Yup, still smelled delicious. 

“She’s really into you” 

Billy stares at the TV while Charlie grabs a couple beers. He rolls his eyes and hands him one before plopping down on the couch. He sighs as he leans back, resting his head along the back.

“Is this what we’ve come to? Gossiping about my love life?” 

“Sarah would be eating it up and you know it” 

Charlie grins a little at the memory of her and nods. 

“S’pose so” 

“So… what about you?”

“I barely know the girl… she’s, nice. She’s fun… but I barely know her” 

“Are you actually going to take the time to get to know her? Or are you going to let her walk away? She’s a real catch, Charlie”

“You’ve spent an hour with her!” 

“And that’s all it took for me to see that… maybe Bella was right, I think she is good for you, I think she’s what you need to brighten this place up. The sun has finally come back to Forks.” 

You wander out of the bedroom around 3 and head back downstairs, you rub at your eyes sleepily as you stumble down the stairs.

“Hey sleepy head, how was your-“

You stand in front of him, doing a little stretching. The shirt rides up around your hips and he blinks slowly, taking in the soft buttery skin of your thighs. He can just see a hint of your pink panties before putting your arms back down. 

“You okay?” You move to stand between his legs and he looks up at you, slightly in awe

“Yeah” 

“You sure?”

He takes a breath before taking your hand and pulling you closer. You straddle his lap and he takes a second to smooth his hands over your thighs, feeling them in his grip. He seemed so into the softness of your body, your plush curves. 

“I’m sure”

“What’s this all about huh?” You giggle quietly and wrap your arms around his neck, he leans you closer into him and you feel his hands grip your ass. Your mouth falls open and he smirks. 

“I think it’s time I finally start thinkin’ about myself again.” 

So maybe he’s going a little overboard with Billy’s advice right now, to just relax and have fun with you. But he can’t find it in him to care when you nuzzle your nose against his. Is he going way too fast with this? Yes. Had he just met you? Also yes. 

But he’d be damned if he didn’t get at least a little sun while it was shining. 

“Sounds like a plan to me” You smile against his lips  and he rubs your sides slowly, feeling you up. You blush and scoot closer, settling down in his lap, and he can’t help but think about how the only thing separating him from feeling you is a pair of jeans and a thin pair of panties.

His hands slide up under your shirt, feeling your bare skin against his fingertips and you tilt your head, deepening the kiss with him at the same time your hips move forward a bit more. His hands freeze in place as you start to roll your hips against his clothed cock, they stutter slightly as you feel just how large he is.

“O-oh my god” You whisper and he pulls away to look at you

“What’s wrong?”

“Y-your really um-“ You pause for a moment, completely flustered when the front door suddenly opens.

“Charlie? dad thinks he left his-“

Charlie practically launches you off his lap as Jacob comes through the front door. You fall to the floor with a squeak and he stands up quickly, throwing the blanket over your bare legs while you’re still floundering to get up.

“He-uh he left his what??” His voice is high-pitched as he tries to step in front of you but it does little to stop Jacob from staring.

“Is she okay?”

“She’s fine”

“I think I broke my spleen”

“So your dad left something??” Charlie clears his throat and Jacob looks up at him

“Uhhh yeah… he thinks he might have left his meds in the couch or maybe the truck or something… do you uh-“ He’s trying not to snicker “You want me to check the truck first?”

Charlie pats his pants pockets and fishes out his keys, tossing them over to him.

“That would be nice, thank you.”

“I’m Jacob by the way” He tells the bundle of blanket on the floor and your little hand sticks out, waving in the wrong direction

“Y/N”

“She’s cute” Jacob mouths with a double thumbs up and Charlie has to refrain from going to grab his shotgun.

As soon as the front door closes again he turns to you, pushing the blanket back. You’re glaring up at him, your arms crossed.

“Are you ashamed of me?”

“Of course I’m not” He pulls you up from the floor and you flop down on the couch, sniffling a little.

“You shoved me off of you”

“You’re barely wearing any clothes”

“And?!” You huff and he rolls his eyes

“And… that’s Billy’s son”

You think about it for a moment, still pouting and looking away from him and he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose before looking at you again

“Will a kiss make you feel better?”

Your head turns so fast he thinks you’ve got whiplash from it, he himself can’t even believe he said it.

“Maybe…”

He holds your chin in his fingers before kissing you again, it sends a jolt of electricity down your spine when you feel his other hand on your torso, pushing you down onto the couch again.

“I’m so sorry honeybee’” He whispers, his hand sliding between your thighs, your heart flutters as he rubs higher and higher, you can feel his hand brush against the front of your panties when there’s a loud knock at the front door again.

“Is it safe??” Jacob cracks the door and Charlie closes his eyes, letting out a long sigh before getting up and tossing the blanket back over you.

“Yeah, it’s safe”

You snicker as he comes in, shaking the bottle of meds and tossing Charlie back his key.

“Got em, thanks”

You sit up, swinging your legs off the couch and getting up, the blanket falls from your form and Jacob’s eyes widen.

“I’m feeling kind of cold… I’m gonna go take a shower okay?” You lay your hand on his chest, purposely putting your body against his and his cheeks redden.

“Uh…okay sure. Yeah”

Your hand slides down his torso and you let it settle on his hip.

“Come up soon?” You whisper, but there’s no point, because Jacob can hear it anyway

“Okay” He kisses your forehead before you finally pull away, holding his hand until you can’t anymore

“It was nice meeting you Jacob” You give him a little wave and he smiles, tipping his head as you walk up the stairs.

“It was nice to meet you too. Maybe we can have you two over for dinner soon.”

As soon as he’s sure you’re out of earshot he comes over to Charlie, holding his hand up for a high five

“My man” He laughs and Charlie slaps his hands over his face and falls onto the couch.

What was he going to do with you?

[tiredofthehumanlife]

Draco malfoy headcannons

flavor: fluffy and smutish but they're separated so you won't get jump scared

Also I'm returning to my roots with this stinky mf okay I have writers block

Sfw

Liked you in the hallway crush type of way yk like when there’s that one person in the halls that you're like “god damn, anyways where’s my next class”

Never even tried to speak to you was just like ” I'll gaze from afar”

The only problem is that he has major resting bitch face so you were sat there racking your brain over what you could’ve possibly done to this random daddy’s money kid (like this isn't set in a private school but LOOK OVER THERE)

Confessed by just standing in front of you and 👁👁 before handing you an outdated birthday card with a 100 dollar bill inside with a note inside that was basically just him like “PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLE-“

You did give him a shot and he did actually speak words to you

bitchest bitch ever yall bicker (lovingly of course) 24/7

“did you for real just copy off of me?” “Okay well at least I don’t have daddy issues” “You cannot be talking and you know it”

He gives stick bug vibes yk

does not comprehend normal human life you could be complaining about doing laundry and he is like “Just have one of the elves do it?” and you are like “😶right so-“

just assume you have the answer to everything bc like you’re his partner? tf?

“how far away is Saturn in kilometers?” “They don't measure distance with kilometers, Draco, you dumbass. It’s called lightyears.” ‘right so in lightyears then?” “How tf am I supposed to know?”

he’ll hear a crash and look to you like you know what’s going on and you’ll turn his head back

I'm not one to assume someone’s sexuality but it's very much bisexual for the both of you (he likes guys and you know it)

a hot guy will pass and you both turn to each other like {insert Bratz meme here}

has created mustard gas on accident

laughs at his own jokes unironically (he is the only one laughing)

will try to be relatable and it's just like “yk that moment when your Prada shoes get gourmet chocolate on them”

makes up new names for your stuffed animals bc he thinks all the ones you picked were “lame”

his beauty sleep comes above everything else

Once Theo woke him up (there was a fire they had to evacuate) and the next night you found him hovering a pillow over Theo’s face you tackled him to the ground

Only knows how to play dominoes no card games or anything only dominoes

Bought you guys matching sleep masks

And embroidered PJs

And bunny slippers

PDA hater

He’ll sit next to you at max when you're around lots of people when you're just around his friends he's down with hugs and hand-holding holding maybe a cheek kiss but that's it

Alone is a different story he's attached to you he's actively trying to crawl under your skin as we speak

Terrified of bugs he's standing on a chair and screaming the second he sees one

Pays you in kisses when you take the bug outside (after you wash your hands)

Prefers baths over showers

Hates dogs and growls at them more than they growl at him

Only likes cats in theory bc they leave hair on his clothes

He's a reptile man

has owned a bearded dragon and will own more

Cold mf you wanna look me in the eye and tell me he has good circulation

Presses his cold ass feet against you while you're on the brink of sleep so confused when you swing your hand back to smack him

“I'm just cuddling you?”

“Cuddle somebody else fucking ice cube bitch ass”

Every single night

He sleeps on his back with his hands on his stomach like he's going to get lowered into his casket it's embarrassing

Thinks he knows how to shake ass and then when he tries (and fails) he considers never speaking to anyone ever again

Has gotten flirted with while he was with you and he just stared at them blankly bc he couldn't tell if it was happening

And then he left the room entirely

Walks in on people butt ass naked bc he has not learned how to knock (only child syndrome)

Stares a lot

He has nothing better to do so he’ll just come join you in your dorm and 👁hi👁

You've learned to block him out so he’ll scare the shit out of you

Sure he doesn't know how to flirt but he has money so he makes up for it

If you look at anything longer than three seconds he's following behind you with his card and the other twelve bags you have

This does have you ending up with things you didn't want so your friends love your random gifts

One of them will walk into potions with a luxury purse and one of the other kids will be like “tf Did you get that?” and your friends are like “🫵” And you're like “I didn't want it” So some of the student body does hate your guts just a little

favorite food is plain white rice

Thinks that acrylic nails go under the skin yk like in those videos with the fake hands pushing the nails up the finger yeah he thinks that actually happens to people

Jaw on the floor when you explain to him that's not what happens

Nsfw kinda

Down to three-way and will NOT let you forget

“I met this cute girl at the-” “I'm down. 😐”

“Oh did you see Harry this morning he was-” “Do you think he'd hook up with us?😐” “Babe. We've talked about this” “just once please”

Has asked you to peg him

unless you have a dick then he's asking for one of those two-way things (you're on my blog you know what I'm talking about dude)

Sub SUCK MY DICK DUDE HES A SUB SHUT UP

Actively begging sobbing on his knees “Please baby Please being so good please”

Would be a swinger and he'd have a pineapple on his front porch

Sorry

Has dabbled in the lockerrooms

Will ask you if the boys can watch him hit and you said only if they see him at his lowest begging and pleading for you he is silent as of now (give him two weeks)

Type of bitch to be covered in hickeys and when someone is like “What happened? To your neck?” and he's like “Literally what are you talking about?” will gaslight them into thinking there's nothing on his neck

Prefers cuddling naked but hates not immediately being in the bath after sex so he has to battle himself in his head

Can't dirty talk he's like “You look so nice when you're not in clothes? Do you like my wee wee?” and you're sitting there “bitch your what?”

Have resulted in him not being allowed to talk

Quickies number one hater

Needs his time to get into pussybitchboy mode

Okay bye

[thegamingcatmom]

Vampire!AU where Mother Miranda takes you as her bride.

...

That is all.

.

.

.

JK-

Right so:

Miranda is obv. the Vampire Queen or whatever.

Alcina and her daughters are vampires too, obv.

So are the maids that were canonically experimented on. (Miranda gotta have some numbers.)

Since we got vampires in there, we also gotta have werewolves, right?

-> Enter Heisenberg and his lycans.

Sal is the butler (aka: The heart and soul of the house, bless him).

Donna is...a mystery.

"The Mold" is basically Miranda´s nest

Eva is alive and kicking.

And a vampire too.

She can be...scary.

Just like Momma.

The "vessel" operation is still going strong. However-

It´s her long deceased wife Miri´s trying to bring back.

Reincarnation style, if you will.

Uhhh, what else...OH-

The villagers are under some sort of vampiric mind control (aka the mold?) that allows Miranda and her coven to feed on them undisturbed.

-> Enter MC (aka The Disturbance).

aka: The bane and salvation of Miranda´s existence.

Miranda is hooked right away for obv. reasons (points to the aforementioned wife thing).

(Eva will be overjoyed to learn her Mama has returned.)

She must have MC.

Their wedding shall be a grand celebration for the whole village to see.

A celebration fit for royalty, as it should-

MC: "Uhhh...excuse me?"

Miranda: *gradually snaps out of her frenzied inner monologue to blink at MC with a mix of confusion and reverence*

MC: "I´m looking for a dude called Heisen...*checks her palm* ...bur-BERG. HeisenBERG. Do you know where I can find him, by chance?"

Miranda: *slow blinking*

MC: *slow blinking too*

Miranda: *remembers this is her soon-to-be bride*

Miranda: "Ah...forgive my...manners. *awkward smile cause being nice is indeed quite awkward, bride or not*...Heisenberg, you say? Why, yes...I am quite familiar with that...man."

Miranda: *fights back an instinctive hiss! cause werewolf*

...

MC: "...O-kay...? Can you tell me where I can find him, then?"

Miranda: *slow blinking*

MC: *slow blinking too*

Miranda, getting sus: "...And to what possible end, if I might ask?"

MC: *tf is that question*

MC, getting annoyed: "...Because I asked...?"

Miranda: *eye starts twitching as she fights back the urge to lash out at the sheer audacity-*

Miranda: *...soon.to.be.bride*

...

Miranda: "...Of course... *dark fake chuckle*...You shall find him in that factory of his. *points down the road* Follow this trail until it splits, then proceed to the right, where you will come across a large windmill. From there, it is rather impossible to miss."

Miranda, under her breath: "Unfortunately..."

MC, who is totally not weirded out by now: "...Okay...thanks. Uh...cya around?"

Miranda: *wedding bells*

Miranda: *satisfied smile starts spreading*

Miranda: "Hm...cya, indeed..."

MC: "..."

Miranda: "..."

MC: *slowly turns around and continues down the road*

Miranda: "...Little bat?"

MC: *stops in her tracks*

MC: *hesitantly turns around cause, despite being the only other person present besides Strange Lady, she still doubts whether that nickname was actually meant for her cause...whut?*

MC: "...Yes?"

Miranda: *satisfied smile becomes even more satisfied because her term of endearment has been accepted*

Miranda: *turns serious all of a sudden*

Miranda, doing her vampire compelling thing: "...Tell me."

MC, without hesitation: "He´s my uncle."

...

Miranda:

.

.

.

This was supposed to be a sexy vampire thing and then it turned into reincarnation & vampires vs werewolves with MC in the middle of it all cause our girl might just be the only one capable of uniting their worlds and ending a war that has been raging for centuries.

(Could this war have anything to do with a certain someone dying at the hands of a certain someone else? Good question. 🤔)

And it all starts with a (rather questionable) marriage.

THAT IS ALL.

.

This post was brought to you by The Invitation - a (rather poorly made) movie about vampires.

.

.

.

EDIT:

NO BUT LISTEN-

Miranda going "I'll take what is due", just like she did in Resi Village? Except what is "due" is her wife, who died at the hands of one of the lycans? Or even Heisenberg himself??

Miranda going "I've waited so long for you..." when she meets MC, just like she did in Shadows of Rose when she met Rose??

THOUGHTS FEELS IDEAS 😭

(Dammit, I might actually have to write it now cause I am OBSESSED. 😩🤌)

[ethan-acfan]

Magic reveal au where the druids have been writing prophecies about Merlin and Arthur centuries before they were even born, so among the magical creatures, they are already extremely well known. Well, one day,(before Morgana turns evil) a group of patrols who were supposed to patrol the border to Cedric's kingdom didn't come back. Arthur decides to go check it out himself, and of course, he brings Merlin. Once they arrive and find the scouts (now dead), they stumble upon some kind of magic creature that is vaugly human attempting to help an injured scout. Arthur questions of the creature did this, and the creature says something along the lines of "by Morgana no! I would never hurt Camelot knights. You guys have some of the best caves to hang out in."

Arthur is like, "tf you mean 'by Morgana'?" And the creature kinda give him a look and is like "yaknow, Morgana, the greatest witch of our time, the dark sorceress?" And Arthur promptly is like "SORCERESS? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" The creature notices the symbol on his cape and is like, "Oh, you're from Camelot, nvm." And Arthur is like, "I am the prince of Camelot and you will tell me," or something like that. Then the creature is like, "...are you the arthur pendragon?" So arthur is like "obviously, " and she turns to Merlin with an almost scared expression and is like, "Is that... the Merlin?" And when she gets confirmation that that is, in fact, merlin, they quickly bow their head and start stammering apologies for their rudness. Arthur is losing his mind, merlin is sweating and trying to say that they have him confused with someone else, and the knight is like actively dying on the floor.

[shotmrmiller]

your ps!141 has infected me so bad i cannot NOT imagine soap as the actor in this one vid like (incoherent screaming) its a professional vid so i expected it to be clinical n boring BUT DAMN I KNOW CHEMISTRY WHEN I SEE IT

inhale exhale the actress and the actor was in synergy with each other, and when it came to pleasuring her bro fucking knew how to get her to climax and it happened TWICE while he was eating her and im like ??????!!!!! wtf this was not supposed to happen the guy should have been bad in giving her head like most do cuz they usually dgaf about female orgasm why tf is he perceptive with his costar why am i suddenly imagining ps!soap behind the camera wtf-

head in hands ps!soap where are you in my life

yeah yeah but p!soap is a certified munch that got in the business purely to eat it if anything getting him to fuck someone is a miracle but ofc he throws reader around like a stuffed animal, going at it til he hurts.

omg but him sticking to his pussy eating only guns but fucks costar reader in private cuz he doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. he's a people pleaser yknow? he can tell some have confused his overly friendly demeanor as something else

but he's biased so he doesn't know how obvious it is that he's insane about you + then youre like ??? he doesn't fuck yall every other day after work?

?

[istherewifiinhell]

scheduled hopefully for appropriate insanity causing hours

304 cant believe everyone in gin.tama just lives like this. the. speech convictions dramatic childhood flashbacks promises lifestyle. not just for main characters i guess (is this guy the shogun.....)

yay yay yippppppe the guys. yay ayay yippeee flashbacks. DONT DIE.

kaaaaaaruga. always suspected. if i understood her more id be obsessed. Confirmed. 2 second in pulling that. i was waiting for ur weakness bullshit. BEAT UP UR OLDER BROTHER. (<- comma. gay? ) kagura born on this planet.... half a second of taka.gin grappling could sustain me for a life time (gin puts his hands on him to throw him) hey fellas i know this is the Sword Penis show but have u considered going at it meg.op. style. for me?

omg baby flashback leftest infighting. sugi ur not the most oppressed person in the world u know. well u would say that scholarship baby zura. diddddddd they shape each others ideologies like that. where they reading theory together as shitty little kids -> well prob not this show but lets indulge

oh right gin former. ghost eating thing. showing up to the school yard beef with a real sword.

HI SHOU.YOU. HI. his little pogchamps

loveeee how they do the blood in this show looks like velvet, alll dark shimmery. also the editing. wooooo.

bushido speech. this shit is cool actually. also leon.ardo the ninja turtle would love it (03)

zura giving him fooooood oh no. little. verbal redirects of kindness transparency

NOOOO SUGI beats gin for the first time clip NO NONO SUGI LAUGHING SLOW MO CLIP (already tearing up)

ahhhh the position of the school and the attitudes of the backgrounder kids actually very affecting and interesting isnt it.... shou.youuuuuuuu the man(thing) that u are....

ep. 305

theeeeee babies. the babies.... the babiest guys. so so charmedddd by them charmeddd again by how. unexpected? maybe. sugi and zura stick together.... the remainers..... kidtoki why are uuuu such a perfectly cromulent. thing. little. video game character ass look. perfect. shitty cool affect. wanna pinch his little cheeks 10/10 letting this kid be the leader of the playground gang.

shou.youuuuuu shou.youuuuuu. such a. believably. man with his complexities but hes being around children so (friendly voice) 'thats right. what do you think' sooooo. yeah immediately believes 100 thousand percent he means everything he says so truly yeah i probably would get. horrible weird trauma give the givens too

THROW THE SWORDS AWAY YAYYYYYY. flashback. ohhhhhhh sugi. i little. weird bitch (said in. desperate scrambling fondness. i love the things that are wrong with him)

gin boots are so hot...

SOMEONE INTIMATE TO CUT AND CURSE!!!!!!! ohhhhh babes (what could i possible say abt it that hasnt been said) well i hope they fuck themselves to death about it

fightscene styles gt vs tf <- place holder i left for myself. that will be extricated to a diff post.

gin scrambling in the blood and dirt under all the promises he has given his loved one. YES BABE. thats exactly what ur supposed to be going

ohhhhhh godddddddd the fucking beheading scene back to back from both of their perspectives oh jesus fuck oh hell. im going to. cut and curse at someone else. i guess. THANKS HIM. THANKS HIM FOR IT. (crying) cool. thats normal. i feel normal about the man (shou.you)(gin)

what the fuck. oboro real? thats fucked up. THATS WHO TAKES THE EYE? (knew this techincally) WHO THE FUCK IS OBORO. (am seeing him) why is he a grown ass man i thought he was a kicked dog of a boy.

SUGI. SUGI YOU DUMB BITCH (loves him)(loves intractable positions)(loves the emotional incommunicability of reality)(loves an emotional confliction you can never resolve and just have to die about) he did it to save u fucking losers. cause his fucking teacher dad man asked him too. and thanked him for the service. ohhhhh u miserable fucks

why did you SAVE US. say it like that. damn.

oh youd do anything. youd kill shou.you. youd kill sugi himself. just to save the student your teacher loved. okay. okay. jesus. so you are the same. so your exactly the same person. your saying things that dont even make sense youve both lost any plane of reality cause you cant separate the things youve lost from the things you have. the very people youve saved are now reflected in those youve lost and youll both kill them to keep them alive. okay. no yeah thats fine cool lol.

(i guess sugis version would technically be said in reverse, you cant separate what youve have from what youve lost and the very person you lost are reflect in the one who saved you. and to keep him alive (crying gin.toki) youd kill him)

and MOST IMPORTANTLY. because you are the same person. you see yourself in him and him in yourself and u cant figure out where you end and he begins and your diametric opposed mirror reflection goals that lead you to taking. the exact same actions. okay. lol. OKAY. lol.

WHO THE FUCK IS OBORO. GET OUT OF HERE FREAK. i was talking.

id alt. im always saying this. or even just. Why is Oboro.

ep 306

heyyyyyy kagura! hiiiiii. youre not dead yay! hi. older brother. youre still here.

squints ohhhh these are. the cops? mayo man and. is this the other canonical gay sex haver or. (only has the normalest of second hand knowledge)

'if im just gonna end up as fertilizer anyway, i dont care if my path there is paved by roses or thorns.' damn dude. get out of the fucking. whatever ur in. and go become a metal music lyricist. what the fuck

oh shin.pachi. ur in this show.

googling. cant figure it out. whoever this green zombie bitch is sounds familiar. wish he had a name or smth.

damn there really is space in this show huh. thats crazy thats crazy. planet of the big hats vs planet of. umbrellas? anyone wanna watch space military anime.....

shogun 'i will protect the country were my friends live' what kagura said abt the planet. 'and to fulfill that goal, you'll even endure the deaths of your friends here?' gestures at the shou.you trolley problem. wow. that is tidy. good job recursive gin.tama

why do you grip that broken sword. you killed your teacher. you battled your friend. - my enemy is right here. WEVE NEVER CHANGED. weve all been fighting our own selves. ill stop him. even if it means having to kill him. but im also the one who understands how he feels better than anyone else

ohhhhhh gin. tama. ohhhhh gin. toki. i love u. i love u so much for just. saying insane thesis shit. like. yeah! YEAH OKAY! yeah thats. making out sloppy style with the narrative theming <- what do i mean by that.

be it killing him or protecting him. their both my job (gets so hard i pass out)

gin: says the most homoerotic twisted identity shit ive ever heard in my life that rests solely on. how unextractable gin. and sugi both are from each other due to. their love of shou.you. and thus. reflectionally. each other. oboro: his students are burning with hatred. <- IS HE STUPID?

and second question. upon reflection, looking at this grown ass man thing. do we have a classic ninja turtles adult beefing with teenagers situation. please tell me yes i will roast this man to shit.

(sugi also say gay twisted identity shit) [impact image font] we are. we are going to beat you to death.

[ending bumper comedy thing] u cannot deny their commitment to the bittism. need this shit for my annoying nitpick continuity fandoms. yeah no it was cause he pooped his pants. he shitted and farted.

[devilsandwings]

Part 2 AU masterlist

9/10/22

Liked by _alexturcotte, owenpower_, nblanks98, jackhughes…

Yourusername: Team 100 photo dump (To get ready for team 101 🥳🥳)

View comments…

Brendan.brisson: Are you drunk? Tf is going on with the caption? —> yourusername: No I’m not drunk 🙄 just trying to lighten the mood of impending doom (having to see Mark & Ethan again without Owen)

kentjohnson.13: BIG10 CHAMPS!! —> Nick.granowicz: 〽️

yourusername: Can you tell who I miss more than others? 🤨 —> Owenpower_: Me? —> yourusername: no, giraffe (it’s a lie☹️) —> markestapa: Do you miss me??? 🥺 —> yourusername: I know where you live. I’ll burn ur house down if you ever use that emoji again

lhughes_06: why’d you take a picture of me when I looked like that? —> yourusername: not as bad as Owen looks in that picture… —> owenpower: Why’re you dragging me? I don’t even go there anymore —> yourusername: college dropout…

trevorzegras: why do you take so many pictures of hockey players? —> yourusername: it’s my job? —>trevorzegras: to take pictures of hot men? —> yourusername: WHAT?? HOT MEN!? YOU CALLED THEM HOT

edwards.73: ME AND BRISS!! —> yourusername: Grammar babes. Grammar. —> edwards.73: your one to talk. Used the wrong to In the caption —> yourusername: *YOURE and no I literally didn’t

markestapa: 🐐

jackhughes: do you only post bad pictures of Luke? —> yourusername: am I supposed to show people good pictures of moose?🫎 —>jackhughes: no…

Thanks for all the love on the first part! I woulda posted this earlier but I was at work. I decided who her bf is, just not sure when I wanna soft launch them. (Also sorry this is short and kinda rushed) lmk what else you want from this AU!