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trippinsorrows · 1 day ago

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lessons in love

authors note: here we are with yet another au...i don't wanna hear it. 😭 friendly reminder that this story is set in 2004, or this is where it's kicking off, at least. thus, some of the dialogue and pop cultural references may read as dated and/or cringe. that's because it is. i'm writing it to reflect the time back then, friends.

faint hint of pride and prejudice as well as the move 'ever after' influences if you turn your head to the side, close one eye, and squint the other.

words: 6k

warnings: angst, violence against women, scenes of abuse. also, roman is a dick. that needs its own tw.

September, 2004

“Naw, you crazy as hell man,” Jey’s voice is much louder than it should be considering where they all are. Not that it makes a difference. The conversation at hand demands to be had, at least, according to the twins. “You’d really choose to bang Melyssa Ford over Esther Baxter?”

At being presented with the question once more, Jimmy sucks his teeth, Naomi, his longtime girlfriend since high school, with one arm over his shoulder, a wry smile on her pretty face. If she’s bothered by the conversation at hand, she’s doing a fine job not showing it, even though Roman knows she’s not. It’s why she’s one of the few people he likes, more tolerates, outside of a select few people. She’s just chill.

“Dawg, have you seen the Big Pimpin video? Thong Song?” Is Jimmy’s rebuttal as he shakes his head, whistling lowly. “That’s a fine ass shawty.”

“Have you seen Esther’s juggs?” Jey shoots back, leaning in his seat, rubbing his hands together. “You trippin, man.”

“Why can’t they both be fine?” Bayley asks, the only one of the group halfway paying attention to the lecture being taught. Roman would also pay attention but not for the fact that he couldn’t give two shits about this class. He’ll do a quick review before the next exam and pass it with flying colors, as per usual.

“Exactly,” Naomi agrees, her brown eyes falling onto him as she lifts her chin. “Roman, what do you think?”

It's an easy question, thus his answer is almost instant, as it came to him the minute the conversation started.

“Why choose one when you can have both?”

His response earns a round of whoops and “ohh’s” that are somehow loud enough to snag the attention of a few nearby students but not the attention of Professor Guerrero. Again, not that he cares.

“You a dog, uce,” Jey laughs, reaching for his hand as they share the secret handshake they’ve had since they were kids. “A straight up dog.”

“Tell me about it,” Bayley mutters, as Roman just smirks and rolls his eyes. He’s always been 50/50 on her. Best friend of Naomi since middle school, her admission into their tight friend group is something he’s always gone back and forth on. Some days she’s tolerable, others, she’s an insufferable, judgmental bitch.

“Babe.”

Roman’s eyes shut.

Speaking of insufferable…

Samantha props herself down in one of the empty seats in the row in front of theirs. The row that’s always kept empty, because it’s a known fact that Roman likes his space. Not to mention his security detail sits not too far, incognito but also not, because everyone knows who Roman Reigns is.

Whether they want to or not.

He sighs, ignoring the snickering of the twins. “What?”

She rolls her eyes, clearly either uncaring or ignorant to the fact that he really doesn’t want to be bothered right now. Or, ever.

“Let’s go out this weekend,” she proposes. Smacking her gum obnoxiously, she twirls her fingers around her chestnut ringlets, Roman’s eyes falling to the beaded, silver Bebe written across the chest part of her sleeveless shirt. Her tits look nice in it. He’ll give her that. Not much else. “I wanna see that new Residential Evil movie that just came out. The one with that girl. Milla Jolly, or something like that.”

“It’s Milla Jovovich,” Bayley corrects, muttering something in Spanish that Roman is pretty sure was an insult. It makes his smirk return just a bit.

“Whatevs,” Samantha scoffs, smacking that damn gum even louder, focusing back on him. “What do you say?”

“I have a game this weekend.”

“Yeah, on Saturday, but what about Sunday.”

“I'm going to Church.”

Jey snorts. “The closest uce ever has and will get to a church was that lil’ preacher kid he was banging junior year.”

Naomi shakes her head. “She was a nice girl, too, until she got caught up with your ass.”

“You know what they say about nice girls,” Jimmy smirks, leaning over to kiss on her neck, prompting Naomi to fight back a smile as she playfully pushes him away.

“Whatever.” Samantha sounds even more annoyed. Good, he thinks. Maybe she’ll leave me the fuck alone.

But, she doesn't, instead crossing her arms. “Roman, I’m really getting tired of this.”

“Tired of what, Sam?” Not that he cares, he really doesn’t, he’s just needing to know what delusion about “them” she’s telling herself this week.

She motions between the two of them with them ugly ass duck nails. “You acting like this with me.”

“How is it any different than he’s ever acted with you?”

Roman has never been one to tell people when they’re right, but Bayley hit the nail on the head. His cold, stoic, almost cruel disposition has been the same since they first started messing around with each other during freshman year of high school. He’s never lied to her about what “they” are. She just hears and believes what she wants. To a detriment.

Samantha turns her glare to Bayley. “Was I talking to you, chica?” The disgust in that final word is enough to get Bayley sitting forward in her chair.

“No, but you’re in my space getting on my nerves, puta.” And without missing a beat, Bayely translates, “that means bitch, bitch.”

Roman readies to tell Samantha to shut the fuck up and go the fuck away when another party enters the space. Another unwelcomed party.

“Excuse me.” Professor Guerrero’s irritating ass voice is added to an already irritating conversation as she stands in the walkaway, arms crossed, the overhead lighting highlighting her thick ass mustache. “Is there something you’d all like to share with the rest of the class?”

Roman sits unbothered, as Naomi, the good girl of the friend group, offers an unnecessary apology. “No, Professor Guerrero. We’re sorry about the noise.”

“Are you?” She challenges, prompting Roman to sigh loudly. “Because it seems all your little group has done in my class this semester is cause disturbance.”

“You still teaching, ain't you?” Roman shoots back in a bored tone, pulling out his Blackberry to check for any unread texts, feeling Samantha’s heated gaze on him. Again though, not that he actually fucking cares. “Can’t be that much of a disturbance.”

Naturally, his smart ass retort earns chuckles from around the room, Jimmy and Jey dapping him up, which only further irritates the professor. “Mr. Reigns, I will not tolerate that kind of flippancy in my classroom.”

“So do something about it,” he challenges, still not matching her fiery gaze. When nothing is said, or done, he scoffs, “exactly.”

Because at the end of the day, she’s not going to do shit. Roman is untouchable, and everyone knows it. Including Vicki Guerrero.

As the noise continues around, she steps closer, leaning far too into Roman’s personal space, earning a vicious glare from the nineteen year-old. “I may not be able to remove you from my class, but I can certainly make this experience as unpleasant as I possibly can for you.”

At that, Roman finally lifts his gaze, voice as nonchalant as the expression on his face. “Good luck with that, Vickie.”

If he didn’t dislike this bitch as much as he does, Roman might be impressed by how she doesn’t back down. But, the hate is too strong for an acknowledgement. She straightens up, clearing her throat, voice projecting, “the next unit will require a semester long project that you all will complete in groups of two. Pairings that I will put together.”

At that, the entire atmosphere shifts, sounds of grumbles and protests. Roman sucks his teeth. He already hates people enough as it is, but to be put in a group with someone he doesn’t know and won’t like is only going to make this wack ass class that much more unbearable.

She walks away, down the steps to head back to the podium, right as Samantha opens her mouth.

Thus, he promptly puts her in and reminds her of her “place” in his life.

“If I’m not filling it, I don’t want to hear it.”

Her cheeks burn bright red from obvious embarrassment as the twins are fight for their life beside him.

“She must really like your ass, Roman, cause ain’t no way…” Naomi trails off, shaking her head.

She might have a point, but also, that’s Samantha’s problem. Not his fault she’s a dumb bitch who can’t accept the fact that he only likes what she can do for him sexually. Nothing more. Nothing less.

“Alright, listen up everyone,” Guerrero starts, and Roman actually pays attention this time, because he has a strong feeling he’s not going to like what she says. At all. “This next unit will be focused on Pride and Prejudice, arguably, one of Jane Austen’s best books.”

“Damn,” Jey curses. “Can’t we just watch the movie?”

“You all will read this book and work together with your partner over the semester to create a presentation touching on a variety of subjects and literary tenets.”

Roman shuts his eyes, already dreading this shit. It’s not that he hates reading. He doesn’t mind it at all. He just hates reading classics. That shit gives him migraines. “Now, the groups will be as follows….”

Naturally, he tunes her out, uncaring about any of the other pairings except the one this bitch has put him in.

“...Jey Uso and Sami Zayn.”

Beside him, Jimmy, Naomi, and Bayley are in fits as Jey angrily throws down his pencil. “The water boy? Man, this some bullshit!”

“Jey!” Sami, the man in question, the actual equiptment manager from their football team, stands from where he sits, turned around and waving wildly like a fucking groupie. “Hey, my dog! We’re partners!”

“I’m about to drop out,” Jey mutters, completely ignoring an ecstatic Sami. “She done put me with fuckin’ ginger Jesus Christ Superstar.”

“Be nice,” Bayley scolds, looking among the guys. “He idolizes you all.”

“And? I ain’t ask for that shit.”

“....Jimmy Uso and AJ Lee.”

At that, Jimmy and Naomi lose all sense of humor, Naomi the first to protest, “oh hell no.”

AJ looks over her shoulder and happily waves to Jimmy, clearly celebrating in her seat. Naomi points to her, while speaking to Jimmy, “she got one goddamn time, and the minute she do some shit I don’t like, I’m beating that ass.”

Naturally, Bayley lifts her hand for a fist-bump, the two in obvious agreement.

Roman chuckles. This’ll certainly be interesting. AJ is known across campus as the psycho/obsessive cheerleader, and for good reason. Her last breakup with some dick from the baseball team resulted in her disappearing all last semester and randomly showing back up for this one like nothing happened. Like everyone doesn't know she had some sort of psychotic break and was in the nuthouse.

How the fuck did she get let back in?

Roman tunes out the sound of Bayley and Naomi now rejoicing as their names were listed together, making them partners. Expected, but also not. Guerrero’s issue has primarily been with Roman and his twin cousins, not necessarily the women.

Sexist bitch.

“....And finally, Roman Reigns and Solana Miller.”

He frowns, intrusive thought/question escaping the confines of his mind.

“Who the fuck is Solana Miller?”

“The Miller's daughter.”

Laughter from not only beside him but the students in hearing distance of Jimmy’s dumbass response, prompting a borderline lethal glare from the young Tribal Chief that has everyone quickly quieting down and the twins coughing.

Still without an answer, Roman sits up in his seat and looks over at the women, knowing if anyone would know, it’s Naomi. “Who is she?”

Naomi opens her mouth, looking around the classroom, moving her head past the bodies up and moving around, familiarizing themselves with their partners. “Umm….” She stops, making a face. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Roman mocks. “Oh, what?”

Discreetly, Naomi points down, Roman following her finger to see it’s landed perfectly on a back. A back that’s draped in an oversized sweatshirt, dark hair pulled back in what he’s pretty sure is considered a “messy” bun. Naturally, her back towards them, he can’t make out a face.

His frown shifting into a scowl. “That her?”

Naomi nods. “She’s also in my math class. I don’t know anything about her. Just that she’s super quiet,” Naomi answers. “Like, I don’t think I’ve ever heard her talk. Here or in math.”

“Damn, you got Helen Keller for a partner.”

“Jimmy!”

“Now that everyone knows who their partner is, make sure to exchange contact information, as you’ll be working together closely for the rest of the semester.” Roman’s dislike for this woman just reached level 10, cause why the fuck would she put him with a mute bitch? “And, I’d highly advise you all to take this project seriously, as it’s worth half your final grade.” She then moves to hand out the packet with all the necessary information to the front row, starting with this Solana person, as it gets passed around to the rest of the class.

“Damn,” Jey groans. “Now, I actually gotta try.”

Roman ignores him as Guerrero goes to dismiss the class, some packing up to leave, others still talking to their partners. He waits until he gets the packet with the project overview, before standing up and slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

Jimmy offers a lazy warning of sorts, as Roman starts to move down the steps. “Don’t be late, or else Coach Booker gon’ have all our asses.”

“I know,” he mutters, seeing Sam stand up out the corner of his eye, clearly hellbent on following him.

“Roman—”

“Fuck off.”

The sound of her scoffing diminishes with each step he takes, and the closer he gets to this girl, the more he realizes just how tiny she is. He practically towers over her.

“Hey.”

She jumps, turning around, unintentionally dropping some of the folders in her hand that she was hurriedly trying to stuff into her backpack. “S–sorry.” Comes a voice that’s quiet and soft, a perfect match for the girl in front of him.

Roman sighs, eyes lifted to the paneled ceiling as she moves to pick up the dropped items. For a second, he considers doing it for her, but she’s fast, already on the move.

“I’m s-sorry.” Another apology as she stands before him, lifting her eyes to his, finally meeting his annoyed gaze.

Huh.

Roman takes a second to take her in. Despite the homeless themed outfit she has going on, baggy ass sweatshirt, sweats, and some creased Nike’s, she’s not ugly. At all. Big, light brown eyes, full lips, her face shape on the rounder side, but it works for her. Makes her look….angelic almost. She’s pretty. He won’t deny that, but everything else though….is annoying.

She’s annoying.

“I—” He sighs, yet again. That damn stammering is irritating as fuck. “I—I don’t—you don’t have to help me, ya’ know.”

At that, he pauses. “What do you mean?”

For whatever reason, her cheeks start to flush red, as she drops her gaze, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “I–I can…I can do the project by myself, and just—”

“Do you think I’m fucking stupid?” He rebuffs, voice harsh and criticizing. “That I can’t do a dumbass book project?”

Her eyes widen, as she shakes her head. “N–no, that—that’s not what I meant.” She winces, voice softening even more, gaze back on the ground. “I’m sorry…”

For the briefest second, he feels something. Something…different at seeing her reaction to his spurning. Something close to…guilt?

Whatever.

He shakes his head, pulling out his phone. “What’s your number?”

The floor, or her sneakers, no longer have her attention. He does. “Wh–what?”

“Your number,” he says it slowly, like talking to a child, lightly shaking the phone in his hand. “So we can work on the project.”

Truth be told, he’d much rather do all the work himself, slap her name on it, and let her have a few talking points during the presentation portion. Or, none. Something tells him that damn stuttering will cause them to get points deducted, and he can’t have that shit.

As long as he’s been in school, he’s always been an A student, and that’s not about to change because of some girl who can’t even maintain eye contact for longer than two minutes.

She opens her mouth. “Umm—” Another push of her hair behind her ear, as she chews down on her bottom lip. He makes and takes note of that. Her lips. They’re even nicer than he realized. “My—my phone isn’t working right now.” His eyes narrow. The change in intonation. Higher. Inconsistent eye contact. She’s lying. “But—” He watches as she turns slightly, not missing the almost wince on her face when she does so.

Huh.

She pulls out a black composition notebook, small hands turning to a blank page as she uses the pen on the table to scribble something down. She rips the page out, turning it over and handing it to him. “That–um–it’s my school email.” He frowns. Email? “It’s—it’s the best way to contact me.”

Maybe, but it’s annoying as fuck. Text would be a lot easier. Hell, even talking on the phone. Nevertheless, while she’s lying about her phone not working currently, he doesn’t believe she just, for whatever reason, doesn’t want him to have her contact info.

Maybe she doesn’t have a phone? He wonders, but regardless, it doesn’t make a difference.

Taking the piece of paper from her, their fingers brush against one another, and he can’t ignore that something. Not a spark. Not anything to write home about. Just…something. She must feel it too, because she quickly retracts her hand, going to return her notebook in her backpack.

“You work?” He asks, folding the paper into a square and shoving it in his back pocket.

He’d ask if she plays any sports or anything, but something tells him he already knows the answer to that.

She nods. “Yeah, umm, Borders.” The bookstore. Of course. “Only—only part time, though. I–I can work around your schedule.”

“Good.” That’d be significantly easier considering he’s almost certain that his is significantly busier than hers. “I’ll email you….” Damn. What was her name again?

“Solana,” she answers for him, a trace of an accent in the middle portion.

“Solana,” he repeats, realizing that it fits her. He doesn’t know how, just that it does.

And then, the faintest hint of a smile. “O–okay.” She looks at him, and he looks back, neither of them saying anything for a solid minute before she opens her mouth, as if preparing to to say something when her gaze fixes on something behind him. “Oh no.” He frowns, turning to see the only thing she could be looking at. The clock.

“I have to go,” she says, clearly in a rush. But, something else. Panicked. She sounds panicked.

“‘I’ll look for your email,” she offers, as he naturally steps to the side, allowing her to pass him. His eyes shut as the scent of her perfume or body spray invades his nostrils. Sweet. Again, it fits her.

Roman says nothing else as she dashes out of the room, clearly late for something.

But, what?

—----------

“You’re late.”

It’s the first—and last—thing Solana wants to hear, but that’s exactly what she’s met with the minute she hops into the passenger seat of her brother’s BMW.

Swallowing, her lips suddenly feel dry, her stomach doing those flips in preparation for what she already knows is coming. “I’m sor—”

Thud.

Her eyes slam shut from the pain that shoots all throughout her head. Pain that’s a result of Wesley slamming it into the windshield. Naturally, she goes to feel for any sort of cut or blood, relieved when her blurry vision reveals blood-free fingers.

“Stupid bitch,” he mutters but says nothing else, just continues to drive them home in silence. Solana curls herself into the corner as much as she can, eager and almost needing to put as much distance between them as possible. Not that it makes a difference.

None of it ever does.

The first thing she notices upon pulling up to the house is the black SUV parked in the driveway along with the two men, large, burly, dressed in black suits in black sunglasses standing near the vehicle. Watching, almost.

It doesn’t necessarily make her take pause, but it does heighten her already shot nerves. Her father is usually temperamental on most days, but that temper only seems heightened on days when he has business meetings. Especially those from home.

“Hurry up,” Wes shoves her from behind, Solana having to catch herself from falling as they walk up and past the men to head into the home. Naturally, she does her best to keep her head down and mouth shut.

It’s just always worked better that way.

However, stepping into the home, dropping her backpack near the door, knowing it's going to be inspected, what she doesn’t expect is the sight of her father standing near the entryway with another man. It’s unexpected, because he usually does his business in his office down the hall. Except, the handshake between them seems to signify the conclusion of business. A deal made.

That helps her anxiety a little bit.

Maybe he won’t be in such a bad mood.

Except, the anxiety that was just settling spikes once more when the man opposite her father turns his attention onto her. He’s about what and what in height and build with her father, barely pushing 6’0, stomach a bit rounded from what she’d guess is a lifestyle full of bad habits and poor decisions. The hair on his head is full and almost certainly a piece. His dark blue eyes pierce into her, his thin lips, surrounded by an unkempt beard and mustache, unsettle her.

He unsettles her.

She drops her gaze to the ground, naturally moving to the side and out of his way as he starts to walk in her direction. She’s prepared for him to pass her up, to ignore her like almost everyone else in her life has outside of when she’s upset them, but he doesn’t.

He doesn’t, because he stops and turns in front of her. His thick, clammy finger moving under her chin and forcing her to look up.

She can only stare back at him, his almost musty body odor invading her senses, the same way his hand on her face violates her personal space.

And, then he smiles, “perfect.”

Frowning, Solana does her best to remain quiet, though her confusion runs abundant as he finally walks out and takes his leave.

What was that about?

However, the slamming of the front door reminds her that a man’s strange gesture to and with her matters little in the face of everything else.

Very little.

“Solana.”

Instantly, she’s straightened, back against the wall behind her. Eyes shut, she swallows, murmuring, ��yes, sir?”

Xavier’s intimidating voice and frame move to stand before her, his hands clasped behind his back. “Your brother told me you were late today.”

The tremble in her belly is matched by the falter in her voice. “Y—yes, sir. I—I was.”

“Hmm.”

It takes everything in her to not break down right then and there. “I’m s–sor—”

One minute she’s attempting to plead for mercy, the next her eyes are wide, her fingers grasping the hand around her neck.

Wes’s dark cold eyes bleed into her. “Did he say you could speak?”

No.

Never.

Solana feels her sense of reality draining away when he finally releases his tight grip, her body crumpling to the floor as she coughs violently.

“Where were you?” Xavier asks in a bored tone, completely unaffected or bothered by the scene before him. Not that she expected anything other than indifference, or maybe even excitement.

It’s just always been that way.

Solana sniffles, doing her best to keep the tears at bay. “My—my class ran over.” She’s about to share the portion about the project, but quickly decides against it. He’ll ask questions, questions about her partner, and that’s the last thing she needs. For her father to find out that she’s been assigned to work with Roman Reigns, of all people, for the rest of the semester.

It’s something she’s still trying to sit on.

“I don’t believe you.”

Damning words that can only mean one thing.

“No,” she whispers, eyes widening in horror and terror at what she knows is about to commence. “Pl–please.”

“Wesley,” Xavier’s deep voice cuts through her begging and the sound of her sniffling. “Remind your sister what happens to liars in this house.”

“No, please!” Tears run down her face. There’s no use or even ability to hold them back anymore. She’ll get on her hands and knees to beg, if that’s what it takes. Even if she knows better. Knows that no matter what she says or does, it won’t change the outcome. Won’t change what’s about to happen.

She shouts in pain when Wes grabs her by her hair and begins to drag her away. “Please! I’m sorry! I’m not lying!” Pleads for mercy from men who possess none. Cries that fall on deaf, uncaring ears. Always have.

Always will.

—--------

The water raining down on her body provides the perfect blend and cover for the tears that cascade down her reddened cheeks. Eyes swollen from crying so hard and heavy, Solana hugs herself only to wince from the aches and pain that radiates throughout her body. A body covered in bruises, some new, some old, all holding a story, a tale that tells the story of unimaginable pain and torture.

A story that’s been hers as far back as she can remember. It’s all she knows. If it wasn’t her brother, it was her father, and if wasn’t her father, it was her brother. Though, over the past few years, it’s been more her brother enacting the punishment her father always believes her deserving of.

While he just watches. Watches and ignores her screams and sobs, the way she’s begged for Wesley to stop, for Xavier to help her, only for the brutal beatings to continue, sometimes until she’s rendered unconscious, waking up bloody and bruised hours later.

Like tonight.

Having to drag her battered body into the shower to try to rinse and wash away what can never truly be destroyed. The scars on the outside pale in comparison to the marring etched on the inside. Tattooed onto her soul.

A healing she’ll never be able to attain.

No matter what.

It’s a bit of a wash/rinse/repeat routine. She eventually cleanses her body, hands moving gently over the more tender areas. Pops the Tylenol she keeps in the medicine cabinet in her bathroom and applies the Vicks VapoRub over certain areas. The areas where the rub will make some sort of difference.

Not much.

Nothing ever really does these days.

Stepping out of the bathroom, dressed in the dark blue soffee shorts and thin sleeved camisole, Solana holds onto her side, sore and aching from the brutal kicks Wes delivered. It’s a miracle he didn’t crack one of her ribs.

Wouldn’t be the first time.

Moving into her bedroom, she carefully closes the door behind her, knowing better than to lock it. She learned a long time ago the beating sustained from that kind of disrespect wasn’t worth the false sense of security the action brought. It didn’t make a difference, anyway. One way or another, they’d get to her.

They always have.

She takes a deep breath and rubs at her head, wincing, remembering the impact it made with the car window. A small knot on her scalp. Another reminder of a the never-ending cruelty she’s been subjected to her entire life.

An inescapable hell.

Not wanting to spend too much time dwelling on what she cannot control, Solana walks over to her desk where her desktop sits, the screen already turned on, as she’d hit the on button and started the dial-up before getting in the shower.

Sitting down, her eyes briefly fall to the framed photo that sits beside her computer. Miraculously untouched and unscathed despite countless violent encounters that have taken place in this very space.

A trembling hand lifts to grab the frame she still remembers picking up that day so many years ago. One of the few times they were able to go out together and just have fun. A cheap little $5 frame from Goodwill, purple with colorful, positive words and groovy flowers. In it, one of her favorite photos of the two of them. Her mother’s protective arms wrapped around her, Solana with a toothy smile, beaming up for the photo as Nina kissed her daughter’s cheek.

Solana’s eyes shut. If she tries, really tries, she can still smell the scent of her mother’s perfume. Light and floral. It’s one of the few, positive things she can recall. The sound of Nina Miller’s voice left her years ago, and for every time Solana tries to remember, she’s only met with her mother’s screams and pleads for mercy at the hands of her heartless father.

Similar to her own experiences.

And, if she thinks too hard, then different kinds of memories haunt her. The kind, no matter how hard she’s tried since that day, she can’t seem to fully erase.

“Mommy!” Solana’s tears partially blind her from the horrific sight before her, both a blessing and a curse. A face disfigured, a partially nude body violated, left bloody and broken. An innocent life taken at the hands of evil. “Mommy, please wake up.” A child pleading on ears that will never hear and focused on eyes that will never blink, forever damned to a vacant, lifeless expression.

“Mommy, please don’t leave me.” The cries of an innocent child, clutching and holding onto the limp body of the one person who’s ever loved her, who she’s ever loved. “You said you’d be okay!” She cries, laying her head on the still chest, uncaring of the blood that stains her little hands and body. Uncaring of the heat of the flames around them and the smoke that intrudes her tiny lungs.

Uncaring if it consumes them both.

“I won’t leave you, mommy!” A vow, a promise to stay with her until the end, even if it means the end for two instead of just one.

Solana takes a deep, necessary breath, free hand over her heart, as she reorients herself. Remembers where she is and not where she was, even if some days, it’s hard to tell the difference.

“I miss you, mommy…” She feathers her finger over her mother’s face, choosing to remember her as that, as the happy mother who was delighted at being able to spend the day with her only daughter.

Not the last day she spent with her only daughter.

Swallowing, Solana places the frame back on the desk and refocuses on her monitor, seeing a ‘1’ icon on her AOL email shortcut on the desktop.

It brings up a frown as she navigates to click it, opening her inbox. A tiny gasp leaves her mouth at the unread email and who it’s from.

Shock quickly wearing away, she hits open on the message.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: Meeting

Solana,

The sooner we get started on this, the better. I have practice every day essentially, along with a lot of other things, but I have a gap on Wednesdays from 4 to 6. Could you make this work?

Roman

She reads over the email at least two, maybe three, times, still stuck on a couple things, really. The main one being just how this is supposed to work. How she’s supposed to work with Roman Reigns when it’s obvious he already hates her. It’s unsurprising though. It’s a widely known fact that Roman hates most and likes few, the few mostly being his inner circle that’s comprised primarily of his family members.

Beyond that, it confuses her to no end how she’s supposed to act like he’s not who he is. Like, he isn’t the Tribal Chief. Like he isn’t the Head of the Table. Like he isn’t the, for all intents and purposes, the, for lack of better term, king of Kingston.

He runs this whole city, the state, really. And, maybe it’s less him and more his family, more the Bloodline. One of the biggest crime syndicates in this hemisphere. At nineteen, the world is in the palm of his big hands. Everything revolves around him. With just one word, life and death are dependent upon him.

A part of her is intrigued, but a larger part is just terrified. Terrified as to how this is all going to work.

In the moment, she’d told him she could work around his schedule, because that seemed like the smartest thing to do. Solana might live a sheltered life, but she’s not so with her head in the sand that she doesn’t know who Roman Reigns is.

That she doesn’t know if there’s one thing she can do to help herself, it’s to stay on his good side.

Or, whatever less volatile side of him exists.

But, in actuality, working around his schedule would actually be a lot harder than she was thinking in that moment. Because she lives her life based around the schedule of her father and brother, mostly, Wes, as he’s finishing up his last year at Kingston University while she’s just started her first year not only a month and some change ago.

However, it seems like, for once, life is on her side.

Because Wes’s schedule on Wednesdays is pretty booked, resulting in her having nothing to do but hang around campus for a few hours due to his back to back schedule, including an evening class.

It….it should actually work.

Solana moves to type out a response, editing it once, then twice, before hitting send.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Subject: RE: Meeting

Roman,

That will work for me.

Thank you.

Solana

Not expecting a response tonight, she moves to shut down her computer and rises up from her chair. But, not before turning to hit the on button for her boombox. Already having memorized the order of tracks on the CD she burned a couple weeks prior, she skips to track 18, music quickly filling the room.

Young girl, don't cry

I'll be right here when your world starts to fall, ooh

Young girl, it's alright

Your tears will dry, you'll soon be free to fly, ooh

Eyes watering from the lyrics that never fail to evoke a visceral, emotional response, she walks over to her bed, powering through her pain as she lifts the mattress up just enough to grab it.

Her diary.

Pink with ballerinas on the cover, it’s the latest addition to her growing collection that fills the bottom of her closet. But, this one, something about this one has quickly risen to the top of her favorites. She knew she had to have it the minute she saw the stack of them pulled out of the box while working inventory a few months back. And when her 18th birthday rolled around this past July, she did just that. Picking up the journal as her sole and only birthday gift.

Solana moves over to her nightstand, grabbing the key taped on the underside. The key needed to unlock said diary. Pen in hand, she slides to the floor, back against the edge of the bed, lyrics continuing to provide a hope she’s not sure she actually believes in anymore.

When you're safe inside your room, you tend to dream

Of a place where nothing's harder than it seems

No one ever wants or bothers to explain

Of the heartache, life can bring and what it means

Her eyes closing, a strong attempt to fake it, to pretend, to briefly try to act like this is temporary. That this life she struggles to call a life is actually hers. That better days are ahead.

That someday, maybe, just maybe, she’ll finally be able to feel it again.

Happy.

That she can be happy.

Unlocking her journal, she moves to an empty page and starts it out the same way she’s started every entry since then. Since that day.

The day she died.

The day they both died, really.

Dear Mom…

#roman reigns fanfic #roman reigns fanfiction #roman reigns fic #roman reigns #arisnotebook

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the-oblivious-writer · 2 days ago

Text

With Her I Die |16|

Past J.T to Eventual S.S x Female Reader

Chapter Sixteen: Yesterday's Sins

warnings: implied intimacy, grief and trauma, guilt and shame, graphic/disturbing imagery, intense emotional distress, and implied substance use.

note(s): nobody expects the spanish inquisition!!!

taglist: @morganismspam23 @slutforabbyanderson @serendippindots

masterlist | previous chapter | next chapter

The cold wakes you first—a bone-deep chill that seeps through your clothes despite the body pressed against yours. You blink, disoriented, as consciousness returns in fragments. Rough wooden walls. The sharp tang of iron in the air. Lottie's arm draped possessively across your waist.

The meat shed.

Memories flood back with nauseating clarity: snow against your back, Lottie's challenging smile, the hunger that had consumed you both. You extract yourself carefully, desperate not to wake her as shame crawls up your throat like bile.

Lottie stirs anyway, her eyes opening with none of the confusion that marked your own awakening. She looks at you with perfect lucidity, as if waking up in the meat shed after what happened between you is the most natural thing in the world.

"Morning," she murmurs, voice raspy with sleep.

You manage a nod but can't force words past the knot in your throat. Your clothes feel wrong against your skin, too tight and simultaneously not enough protection against her gaze.

Lottie sits up, stretching languidly. "You're thinking too loudly."

"We should get back," you finally say, the first words you've spoken to her since... since everything. "Before they notice we're gone."

"They already know," Lottie says with maddening certainty. "Shauna was looking for you last night."

Something cold clenches in your stomach. "What?"

"She came to my sleeping corner. I wasn't there." Lottie's smile is faint but unmistakable. "Neither were you."

You busy yourself gathering your scattered things, desperate to avoid eye contact. "How did we even end up here?"

"You don't remember?" There's genuine curiosity in her voice. "You suggested it. Said you were worried someone would hear us."

The memory returns hazily—stumbling through the snow, drunk on adrenaline and need, finding the padlock unlatched and thinking how perfect, how private. You hadn't considered how it would look in the morning light.

"I need to go," you mutter, tugging on your boots.

Lottie watches you, unperturbed by your obvious discomfort. "You're afraid of what she'll think."

It's not a question, and you don't dignify it with a response. Instead, you reach for the door, pausing when Lottie speaks again.

"I meant what I said yesterday. Your threads are entangled. This doesn't change that."

You want to ask what exactly "this" is, what happened between you, what it means. But the words stick in your throat, and you leave without looking back, the cold morning air a welcome shock against your flushed skin.

------

The cabin is quiet when you enter, but not empty. Van looks up from the fire she's tending, her eyes widening slightly at your disheveled appearance.

"You're alive, then," she says, returning her attention to the flames. "That's nice."

You glance around, noting Tai's absence with relief. "Where is everyone?"

"Hunting. Foraging." Van shrugs. "The usual struggle for survival."

You nod, moving toward your sleeping area, desperate to change into clean clothes before facing the others.

"She was worried, you know," Van adds, just as you reach the corner that serves as your makeshift room. "Shauna. When you didn't come back."

Something in her tone makes you pause. "Did she say that?"

Van snorts softly. "Course not. But she checked outside like five times before bed. Kept saying she heard something." She gives you a pointed look. "Didn't sleep much either, from the sound of it."

Guilt compounds the shame already churning in your stomach. "I didn't mean to—"

"Save it," Van interrupts, not unkindly. "Not me you need to explain yourself to."

You finish changing in silence, aware of Van's occasional glances. When you emerge in clean clothes, hair somewhat tamed, she's pouring hot water into cups.

"Tea," she explains, extending a steaming mug. "Well, pine needle tea. Better than nothing."

"Thanks," you murmur, accepting the cup gratefully. The warmth seeps into your fingers, chasing away the last of the meat shed's chill.

The door opens before either of you can speak again, admitting a blast of cold air and Shauna, arms laden with kindling. Her eyes find you immediately, something flashing across her face too quickly to read.

"You're back," she says flatly.

"Yeah," you reply, hating the inadequacy of the response.

Van looks between you, then stands abruptly. "I'm gonna check on that thing. Outside. The important thing. That needs checking." She grabs her coat and slips out, subtlety abandoned in her haste to escape the tension.

Shauna drops the kindling by the woodpile, brushing pine needles from her sleeves with deliberate care. "Cold night to be out," she remarks, her tone deceptively casual.

"I, uh, lost track of time," you offer lamely.

"Must have." She meets your eyes then, her gaze hard. "Funny how that happens. One minute you're helping Lottie gather herbs, the next you're nowhere to be found until morning."

You wince at the precision of her aim. "Shauna—"

"No, it's fine." She holds up a hand, cutting you off. "You don't owe me explanations. We're not—" She breaks off, shaking her head. "Whatever. Just maybe don't disappear without telling anyone next time? Some of us are still a little jumpy about that."

The pointed reference to your previous vanishing act lands like a slap. "That's not fair."

"Isn't it?" Shauna moves to the counter, busying herself with the morning preparations. "Silly me, I thought leaving without a word was your trademark move."

"I didn't leave," you protest, setting down your barely-touched tea. "I was just—"

"With Lottie. Yes, I gathered that." She slams a pot onto the makeshift stove with unnecessary force. "Like I said, you don't owe me explanations."

"Then why are you acting like this?" The question bursts out before you can temper it.

Shauna turns, her composure slipping for just a moment. "Acting like what? Like someone who's tired of being worried about you? Like someone who's done watching you self-destruct?" She takes a steadying breath. "Like someone who cares too much about someone who clearly doesn't care at all?"

The last words hang in the air between you, heavy with implication. You open your mouth to respond, to deny or confirm or somehow address the rawness in her voice, but the door swings open again and Natalie strides in, followed closely by Travis.

"—can't be sure until we check the eastern traps," Natalie is saying, stopping short when she notices the tableau before her. "Uh, sorry. Did we interrupt something?"

"Nope," Shauna says quickly, turning back to the stove. "Just morning chit-chat."

Travis's eyes flick between you and Shauna, his expression knowing. "Uh-huh."

"Successful hunt?" you ask, desperate to change the subject.

"Not really," Natalie replies, dropping into a chair. "But we found tracks. Fresh ones. Might be deer."

The conversation shifts to hunting strategies and territory, allowing you to retreat to your corner under the guise of organizing supplies. The day unfolds with agonizing slowness, each hour marked by careful avoidance of both Lottie and Shauna. You volunteer for every task that takes you away from the cabin but not too far into the wilderness, haunted by Shauna's accusation that disappearing is your "trademark move."

By late afternoon, the tension has built to an unbearable pressure behind your ribs. When Tai assigns the evening tasks and pairs you with Shauna for water collection, you mutter an excuse about checking snares and bolt from the cabin before anyone can object.

The cold air hits your lungs like a rebuke as you stride through the snow, no destination in mind beyond "away." Your breath clouds in front of you, each exhale carrying fragments of thoughts you can't quite form into coherent patterns.

What happened with Lottie—it wasn't planned, wasn't even wanted in any conscious way. It was surrender to something primal, a momentary escape from the grief and guilt that have been your constant companions since Jackie's death. Since before that, if you're honest with yourself.

You're so lost in thought that you don't notice the footsteps behind you until a voice calls your name, startling you out of your spiral.

"Hey! Wait up!"

You turn to find Javi jogging toward you, his slight frame bundled against the cold. He's grown in the months since the crash, childhood receding faster than it should in the face of your collective trauma.

"You okay?" he asks, coming to a stop beside you. "You looked... intense."

A laugh escapes you, sharp and humorless. "That's one word for it."

Javi falls into step as you resume walking, tactfully giving you space to speak or not as you choose. The silence stretches comfortably between you, a rare gift in the close quarters you've all been forced to share.

"Do you ever just want to run?" you ask finally, the question emerging unbidden. "Just... keep walking and not look back?"

Javi considers this seriously, as he does most things. "Sometimes." He glances at you sideways. "Is that what you're thinking about now? Leaving again?"

The direct question catches you off guard. "No. Maybe. I don't know." You stop walking, forcing yourself to articulate the chaotic thoughts swirling in your mind. "I feel trapped, but not by this place. By... everything else."

"Like what happened with Jackie?" Javi suggests gently.

You nod, grateful for his perception. "That. And other things."

"Like whatever's going on with you and Shauna?" When you look at him in surprise, he shrugs. "Small cabin. People notice things."

"It's complicated," you sigh, the understatement almost making you laugh again.

"I bet," Javi agrees. "And now there's whatever happened with Lottie too."

You stop walking entirely, turning to face him. "How did you��"

"Like I said. Small cabin." His expression is sympathetic rather than judgmental. "Plus you both disappeared all night and came back looking... well, like you did."

Heat floods your cheeks, and you look away, suddenly fascinated by a distant tree. "It wasn't... I mean, it just happened."

"Sure," Javi says easily. "Things happen out here. It's like we're in a different world with different rules."

The assessment is so accurate, so aligned with your own unformed thoughts that you stare at him in wonder. "When did you get so wise?"

He grins, the expression transforming his face back to the boy he should still be. "I have my moments. Mostly, I just listen a lot."

You resume walking, letting his words settle into the spaces between your tangled thoughts. "I'm not planning to leave again," you say finally. "I just needed some air to think."

"Good," Javi says with surprising firmness. "Because it really sucked when you were gone. For everyone."

The simple statement hits harder than Natalie's anger or Shauna's accusations. "I'm sorry."

"I know." Javi kicks at a clump of snow. "Just don't do it again, okay? This whole 'stranded in the wilderness' thing is a lot less fun without you around."

You can't help the smile that tugs at your lips. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Cool." He points toward a cluster of trees ahead. "Want to check those snares you were supposedly going to look at? Might as well make your excuse legitimate."

"Lead on," you agree, grateful for his practical suggestion. "Though I warn you, my tracking skills are about as well-developed as my impulse control."

Javi laughs. "So completely non-existent, then?"

"I resent that," you protest, falling into the easy banter that reminds you why you've always enjoyed his company. "I have excellent impulse control. I haven't killed Natalie despite numerous provocations."

"A true testament to your restraint," he agrees solemnly. "Very Monty Python of you. 'She hasn't killed me yet, so I must be the Messiah!'"

You snort with surprised laughter. "I think you're mixing your references there."

"Probably," Javi admits cheerfully. "It's been a while since movie night."

The reference to your life before the crash—to normal teenage activities like watching films and quoting them endlessly—brings a bittersweet pang. "God, I miss movies."

"Me too." Javi's smile dims slightly. "And pizza. And my PlayStation."

"And showers," you add with feeling. "Real, hot showers with actual soap."

"And toilet paper!" Javi's enthusiasm for this particular luxury makes you both dissolve into laughter, the sound echoing strangely in the silent forest.

The moment of levity eases something in your chest, loosening the knot of tension that's been building since you woke in the meat shed. By the time you return to the cabin, having checked the empty snares and gathered a few edible plants Javi identified, you feel steadier, more centered than you have in days.

The respite is short-lived.

------

Dinner is a subdued affair, conversations flowing around you without requiring participation. You focus on your food—another watery stew, this one bulked with winter roots—aware of Lottie's occasional glances from across the fire, of Shauna's deliberate avoidance of your gaze.

"—don't you think?" Tai's question pulls you from your thoughts, and you realize she's addressing you directly.

"Sorry, what?" you ask, hoping your inattention wasn't too obvious.

"I said we should check the area where you and Lottie found those herbs yesterday," Tai repeats, her tone suggesting it's not the first time she's had to repeat herself to you. "Might be other edible plants nearby."

"Oh. Yeah, probably," you agree, carefully not looking at Lottie or thinking about what followed the herb gathering.

"Great. You can show us tomorrow," Tai decides, turning back to her conversation with Van.

You nod, though no one is watching for your response, and return to pushing food around your bowl. The stew has cooled, congealing slightly at the edges. Something about the texture triggers a memory—a flash of something you can't quite place, a feeling of wrongness that crawls up your spine.

"—not like it was much to begin with," Natalie's voice catches your attention, the words floating across the fire with peculiar clarity.

"Nat," Travis warns, glancing in your direction.

"What? It's true," Natalie argues, her words slightly slurred. She's been hitting the dwindling alcohol supply hard lately, dulling her edges with whatever she can find. "They were never actually dating. It was just... convenience."

You realize she's talking about you and Shauna, the assumption so wildly off the mark that it would be funny if it wasn't so painfully close to the truth. You were never dating—never put a name to whatever existed between you in the darkness, the comfort and connection that transcended simple friendship without ever being acknowledged in daylight.

"Fuck off, Nat," Shauna says quietly, her eyes fixed on her bowl.

"Am I wrong?" Natalie challenges, leaning forward. "Because from where I'm sitting, it looks like you two were playing house until she"—she gestures at you with her cup—"decided to bail, and now you're both acting like someone died. Again."

"That's enough," Tai interjects, her tone leaving no room for argument. "We don't need to rehash this."

"Fine," Natalie mutters, slumping back. "Just saying. Everyone tiptoeing around like there's some great tragedy when really it's just—"

"I said enough," Tai repeats, sharper now.

The conversation shifts awkwardly, the tension lingering like smoke. You stare into your bowl, suddenly unable to contemplate another bite. Something about the stew, the texture, the smell—it sits wrong in your stomach, bringing back that elusive sense-memory from moments ago.

You set your bowl aside, drawing a concerned look from Mari across the fire. She leans forward, voice low. "You okay? You've barely eaten."

"Fine," you murmur, forcing a smile. "Just not hungry."

The lie tastes bitter on your tongue. You're always hungry these days—all of you are, subsisting on whatever the forest provides, which is never quite enough. But something about tonight, about the stew...

"You should eat while you can," Mari insists, nodding at your abandoned bowl. "Winter's not getting any easier."

"I know." You reach reluctantly for the bowl, knowing she's right. Food is too precious to waste, regardless of your unsettled stomach.

As you raise a spoonful to your lips, another flash of memory breaks through—hands tearing at flesh, the heavy copper scent of blood, someone crying in the background. The spoon clatters against the bowl as your hand jerks involuntarily.

"Seriously, are you okay?" Mari presses, her concern more evident now. "You look pale."

"I'm fine," you repeat automatically, but the images keep coming, fragments of memory you've somehow buried until now. Snow-covered hands. A blade glinting in firelight. Meat hanging in the shed where you and Lottie...

Oh god.

You stand abruptly, bowl forgotten as nausea rises in your throat. "I need air," you manage, already moving toward the door.

"It's freezing out," Shauna objects, speaking directly to you for the first time since your morning confrontation.

"Don't care," you mumble, yanking the door open and escaping into the frigid night.

The cold hits you like a physical blow, but it's nothing compared to the horror building inside you as memories continue to surface—images and sensations you've somehow suppressed for weeks. Jackie's body, stiff with frost. The decision made in desperate hunger. The things you did. The things you ate.

You make it only a few yards from the cabin before your knees give out, sending you sprawling into the snow. Your breath comes in short, painful gasps as realization crushes down on you.

"We ate her," you whisper to the empty air, the words hanging visible in the frozen night. "We ate Jackie."

The memory crashes through your carefully constructed barriers: Jackie's blue-tinged skin as you all brought her body back to the cabin. The discussion about burying her, about waiting for the ground to thaw. Then the hunger, the desperation, Lottie's voice suggesting what no one else would speak aloud.

And you—you had helped. Had held the knife. Had tasted human flesh and told yourself it was venison, had buried the knowledge so deep your conscious mind couldn't access it until now.

Your stomach heaves, and you retch into the snow, the meager contents of your dinner burning your throat on the way up. You can't breathe, can't think beyond the horror of what you've done, what you've all done.

"Hey!" Mari's voice seems to come from a great distance, though her footsteps crunch nearby in the snow. "Oh shit. Guys! Something's wrong! I need help out here!"

The world tilts sideways as your vision narrows to a pinpoint of light surrounded by encroaching darkness. The last thing you register before consciousness slips away is the sound of multiple footsteps rushing toward you, and Shauna's voice, suddenly close, suddenly frantic:

"What happened? What's wrong with her?"

Then nothing but merciful blackness, swallowing you and your terrible knowledge whole.

#shauna shipman x you #shauna shipman x reader #shauna yellowjackets #shauna shipman #jackie taylor x reader #percy jackson x reader #jackie taylor x you #jackie taylor x y/n #jackie taylor #yellowjackets x you #yellowjackets x reader #yellowjackets

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r0-boat · 1 day ago

Text

Interesting... very Interesting

Ena x Gn! Human! Reader

Suggestive

This is a special drabble that I only do for games Ive streamed

Please note that I do not take requests for this game in particular

If you want to watch future streams or missed the last one here is My twitch

Cw: noncon, Ena is going to touches you, Somnophilia because you are in and out of consciousness, no sex just light fondling and curious touching, Salesman talks to you as if you are an exotic animal lol, meanie bullies you, I think they like you.

"drink up; we can't have you fall into a forever nap now, can we?"

A masculine voice calls out to you. You feel something touch your lips before it spills into your mouth.

Water.

Something you haven't seen since You woke up here; God knows where the sand looked flat in the middle of this desert as if it was textured on hardwood. The light and heat bearing down on you despite having no sun and running as far as your legs could take you from anything that's spotted you, hoping you could wake up from this horrible LSD trip of a nightmare.

But no, The dehydration you felt was very much real as your legs could no longer support your own weight as you collapsed backward, landing on the hard, unforgiving floor of this place.

The next thing you knew, you were sitting on the hot, stony, grainy floor, and it felt like you were on a soft blanket. Whoever gave you water didn't care; as you lean your head up, your vision still dizzy, you drink a few gulps of water before laying your head back.

"HEY! THAT'S NOT ENOUGH! FINISH THE DAMN BOTTLE!!" A feminine voice yelled something that felt like claws dug into your scalp, gripping your hair and forcing you up before shoving a bottle past your lips. You took big gulps until the bottle was empty. Your eyes squeeze as you cough violently, and some of that water gets into your throat.

Your body still felt heavy and weak, as if boulders were being pressed on top, And you could barely keep consciousness. But you were a lot better than before.

"Hm..." Ena hums, a hand on her chin before gently pressing her palm against your cheek. You wince as you feel hard edges scraping against your skin again. Ena Takes notes of your reaction before moving her attention to your shoulders, then arms.

Almost unconsciously she held out her own.

"What a curious creature... I've seen and done business with many, but none quite like you. "

Her red hand grazes against your arm before giving it a squeeze. "Such a soft quality; your skin feels like a luxury pillow."

"HEY! WAKE UP! JUST WHO ARE YOU ANYWAY?!" The loud voice demands. The sharp closet digs into your shoulder, gently shaking you. You wince at the yelling and the sudden movement of your body. Your eyes open Only for a moment before closing. You try your hardest to mutter out coherent words. "Where am I?"

If it weren't for the fact that you could only barely make out the figure in front of you, you would be convinced that two people were talking to you instead of one.

"Where are you?! What a dumb question to ask? Did you hit your head too hard?!?"

She doesn't answer your question at all, but you are too weak to even consider repeating that.

"I want to go home..."

You whimper You felt like crying but no tears would come as you begin to lose your strength temporarily again.

"What a strange job to give... I don't exactly know where that would be... But given the factual evidence of your strangeness, and strangely vexing softness. Your home is definitely nowhere around here... All right job accepted!" Ena rambled.

She sat there in silence watching your chest rise and fall. The more she looks at you, the more curious she becomes. You vaguely resemble another person over whom she has had this level of fondness. But yet you and she are entirely different. For one thing, you don't have coral growing on the side of your face. And you don't seem to have any special things about you in any way. There are no extra parts, nothing floating. Her curious hands wander more from your shoulders, and her hands roll over your chest.

At first glance, you looked so plain that it was unnatural, eye-catching even. But when she took the time to thoroughly examine you, she discovered so much more than what she initially thought. Despite the noticeable glaring differences, she would dare say that you look like Ena and a strange one at that.

"most curious... You are quite a rare thing indeed."

The parts of your body that really stoked her curiosity were your hands, thighs, and hips.

You had five fingers on each hand. She counted each one to make 10 in total before sliding her colada finger over your palm.

When you shudder and response she smiles

"reactive too, Not in the way I expected... Aren't you just full of surprises-I didn't expect someone to be so worthless and be a fun toy to mess with..." She said her voice dipping lower.

Her attention now draws to your thighs pressed together and plush, practically begging for her hands to touch. Gently, she slipped her hand in between. Your breath itches for a moment, turning onto your side and pressing those thighs together. She felt them tense up around her hand, denying her to move any further.

That's when she decided to stop her investigation on your body for now. But no worries there will be more opportunities.

Because of the job she was given, the two of you are going to get well acquainted.

#ena dream bbq #ena x reader #ena joel g #ena #smut #labeling as smut just in case

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thebestsetter · 2 days ago

Text

"No"

"C'mon dude!" Otoya asked - no, begged Karasu "It won't kill you!"

"I already told you. No." Karasu rolled his eyes "Want it in any other languages? Nein. Não. Non."

"Why?" Otoya huffed, making little clouds on the air from the cold, as Karasu unlocked the door to his mother's house for a so called 'emergency family dinner night' (apparently Otoya was a family member already) "Give me one good reason"

"Well, where to start?" Tabito put his index finger on his chin, like he was thinking deeply about something. Then, he began lifting the fingers from his other hand as he listed "One, you're a cheater. Two, you're my best friend. It's strange. Three, she lives in another country. Four, she's way out of your league, man. I could go on and on if you want me to."

"No, it's fine" Otoya frowned "I'm going to get your sister's number myself."

"And just how are you gonna do that?" Karasu smirked "She lives far away from here. There's no way for you both to communicate with each other. Just accept it, man. You won't ever see my sister again."

"I'm going to find out one day" Otoya said, while Karasu opened his door. "I feel it."

"Sure you do"

Karasu was already used to it, honestly. Ever since Otoya saw you at his birthday party four months ago, he's been pestering Tabito to give him your number.

Apparently, Eita had a "crush" on you, Tabito's sister. Ha, what a joke.

Like Karasu would ever let that happen. You're way too good for Otoya. You guys just can't be together.

And it's not like he's worried, too. You moved out of Japan at 17, when you got a letter to attend to college in Brazil. B-r-a-z-i-l. The other side of the world. It's literally impossible for you and Otoya to basically talk to each other, imagine dating. The thought almost makes Karasu laugh, honestly. It' so ridiculous. It's insanity. It's crazy.

"Hi, Tabito!" He hears his mother say when he oppened the door "Hello Otoya!"

"Hi mom"

"Hey, auntie!" Eita answered, smiling wide and smirking to Karasu while mouthing something very similar to 'I love your mom'.

Gross.

"Let's eat!" Mrs. Karasu smiled, clasping her hands together while making her way to the kitchen "I have a surprise prepared for you, 'Bito!"

"Oh?" Karasu smiled gently "I wonder what it is"

"I sure hope it's that new videogame that came out" Otoya said "I really wanna play it"

"You do know it's gonna be mine, right?"

"Dude, we're bros. We give each other goodnight kisses. I think we can share an expensive videogame"

"We don't kiss each other goodnight"

"Oh, so you agree with the videogame part? Great!" Eita smirked

"I hate you"

"Sure you do"

"So, about your surprise..." Karasu's mother came back from the kitchen. Apparently, the surprise was so big and great that she couldn't wait for dinner to tell everybody "I think I'm gonna tell you now"

"Stop making me curious, mom!" Tabito smiled "Spit it out, already!"

"Okay, okay. But I'm not gonna tell you. I'm gonna show you. Be prepared...

(Name)!"

Huh. That sounded strangely like your name.

And who's that girl that looks exactly like you, Karasu's older sister who Otoya has a big fat crush on?

"Hi, Tabito! You won't believe it: I'm gonna spend a month here in Japan! Isn't it great?"

No.

No way.

No fucking way.

"Oh my God" Tabito muttered, horrified

"Oh my God" Eita said, smirking "Impossible, huh?"

Oh God, please no.

This would be the worst month of Karasu's life. (And the best of Otoya's)

Not my best work but I had a test today, so I kinda have an excuse (no I don't)

#blue lock #bllk #bllk manga #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #bllk x you #blue lock x you #blue lock karasu #bllk karasu #karasu tabito #otoya x you #otoya x reader

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midnight1nk · 2 days ago

Text

So, this week's episode...

[spoilers below cut]

Well, it looks like I got it right. It was a silly episode, though nothing related to the teaser we got. That's a shame. I suppose it's just to hype us up for the future. Either way, let's see what this is about!

(the following is my live reaction:)

shoes, huh? ......spaghetwhat now?

oof, yeah man you're gonna need a new pair

ooh damn. well, it is Bob after all. ofc he would say that 😌↕️

nah it's still bullshit, idc what anyone says

why, this doesn't look suspicious at all. a mirror shop conviently placed here on an alleyway

"🤨?" what? I gotta be on high alert every episode! Last time, the Team dropped a callback to IGBP out of nowhere, who knows what they drop on us next

uh, wha? how did.....? I shouldn't be questioning the logic of the SMG4 universe, this isn't what's surprising. It's a fact that mirrors were also used in WOTFI 2025 hmmmm

(you guys are gonna have to drag me away from this scene or I'll start thinking too hard on this)

c'mon dude, there's no need to prove yourself of anything

oh hey Swag! how's Chris— *record scratch* ......i'm sorry wha?

😦

RADIATION?

oh i did not like the realistic mouth ADKL;JK

wait hold up! enhance... ENHANCE....

....is that who I think it is? there's no way, right?

IS THAT STEVE? omg HI it's been so long

FM?! it's really you? omg ^^ it's been.... oh wow, it has been years, hasn't it? anyway damn, it's been SO long

like I know FM and X aren't gonna come back but it is heartwarming to see them again after a few years. We mostly seen Cube walking around

she was a fairy 🧚✨

see? I told yall Mario would totally be a disney princess (that crowd's just being a much of haters)

I ain't trusting that, hell no

AY back to the clubhouse!

Oh, Depresso, I didn't expect you to come back from Karen's arc

....😶 "what?" well, I was gonna say that I hated that heavy breathing like. Mario, what the hell did you do? But for some reason, this starting to remind me of something. I'll talk about it later if this is going where I think is going

ofc the meme guardians would be the ones who enjoy this lol

well, 4 would be the one doing the redesigns. this tho.....

and now Swag's glowing green smh, told yall I don't trust it

Well, it was mostly 3 that made fun of you, Mario, but that's bc it's 3 we're talking about. I suppose from how you feel, you might remember it things differently

MORE?!

Mario, telling you rn, it ain't worth it

yeah, I knew Swag was gonna say "CHUG"

😨 oh i don't like that..... I think my hunch may be correct

(also don't

what is up with his hand? he destroyed a nokia, and yall know those are practically indestructible

guys, i don't like this

😨😨😨

MIYAMOTO NOOO

the cutaway from that fight scene tho LMAO

JAMES?!

why did I have a feeling 3 would like this new look? lol (it actually makes me think)

killer fish from san diego.... (FISH MENTION?!)

well, 4, what else did you expect? This seems like a normal SMG4 plot honesty, it just feels.... a bit strange if that's how I would describe it

*points at 3* Can we talk about the fit tho? the puzzles hoodie and the silly pants..... that's a Fit (with a capital F) if I ever seen one 😎

perhaps one day we get James to do a 3 cosplay like Luke did? maybe???

and that's a fire bound to happen

....omg, Bob? Was this from the explosion?

it'll never be enough, right? but also this is Bob, he's got a whole set of standards

oh yea, this is VERY similar to the thing I'm going to talk about

Mario: "I WILL be pretty" :( aw but you were

EXACTLY, you really did have a point from the start

TIME TO SHUT THIS DOWN

Do the thing, Mario! YEAH

It's bad enough as it is that people were already mad about the switch 2 (and by extension the new mario kart) would be expensive

Well, at least Miyamoto listened

Wow, 3 was really happy with this new form until he was changed back. huh.

Look, I know it's supposed to be funny and all, but something's telling me it goes deeper than that. And I'm gonna talk about it OBVIOUSLY. You are talking to a theorist here, ofc I would overanalyze stuff

At least, things are back to normal

and THERE! Right there is all I need, thanks Team!

Such a tease to have the cafe right there and Swag coming out of it, but we don't get to be in it (*head in hands* /lh) one day tho....

*explodes* <- that is probably the second episode in a row that ended with an explosion

Congrats to Michelle940607 for your art being featured in the end credits! 🎉 seriously some of the art I've seen from you guy look like they belong in a museum omg

.・-: ✧ :--: ✧ :-・.

This certainly was an episode and I'm not quite sure what to think of it /gen. It did start off and very similar to a classic SMG4 plot, I noticed we got a lot more of Mario's 64 version in this one. But for some reason I can't point my finger on it, hmm.

I'll be real, it did feel a bit uncomfortable of the whole "true beauty" thing and all that jazz, but it was a nice message at the end with Mario accepting himself. As someone who has dealt with self-image issues before, it hits closer to home more than anything. The good thing is that we got our silly goofball back.

"So, what's the big deal about your hunch?" Well, I'm glad you asked, chat. For most of the episode, I couldn't shake this feeling of familiarity until I remembered what it was when Mario transformed the second time.

You see, there is a body-horror film called "The Substance". I do wanna warn that there is a bunch of gore and things that make want to look away, I know not all of you have the stomach to look it up so I might as well warn you now. It's also the whole point of the film to make you feel uncomfortable and unsettled, perhaps even grossed out. Basically, the film brings up the topic of perfection and societal beauty standards, more specifically in Hollywood. Truly, the victim of the film is an older actress desperately wanting to bring her perfect self while at the same time hating herself for how she looks now, despite being beautiful anyway. She took a serum (that was a radioactive-green color) and it worked, only later to abuse it bc of the perfection mindset Hollywood put on her.

Perfectionism, it really leads someone to their downfall....

There's a reason I brought this film up. Throughout the whole episode, it felt off. Sure, I was uncomfortable about "fixing" one's self image, but there was another thing. The close-up to Swag's realistic mouth, the mirror. The radiation given to Mario, the heavy breathing and distortion of his body. Hell, even the way Mario feel against the table and knocked the book off from it. This is practically a PG-13 version of the film, except y'know with Mario and in the SMG4 universe. Heh, and wouldn't you know it, pink being used in the two medias to represent perfection. (you're gonna have to trust me on this for those who don't know)

Now, can we talk about 3? We GOTTA talk about 3.

On hindsight, it's part of the joke that someone would like their new look and get sad when everything turns back to normal, which in this case was 3. And it indeed caught me so off-guard to see James just there, it did get a laugh out of me. BUT if you put this context of the film in mind, this bit adds on to the topic of 3's insecurities. He already feels like the "worst version of 4" and still getting used to having friends. Then, to have this radioactive solution that supposedly makes you look perfect and become "true beauty" on him, 3 looks really happy about it. Sure, he goes on to say how he's handsome and is "The Rizzler", but that might be him trying to put up a front of his own self-image to others. And maybe to himself. Ofc everything reverts back to the way it was and 3 is upset about it. Back to being the "worst version of 4". Not to mention 3 wearing a Puzzles hoodie, y'know the one always in pursuit for perfection.

The more you think about, it really is sad.

Speaking of 4, he was the completely opposite. 4 was the first one to ask Mario what the hell did he do to them and was dumbfounded to know the reason why, for shoes. Until the very end, you can see 4 being unhappy until he's back to his old silly self. He didn't want this "perfection". Now, this is not me trying to connect it to goop!4, really I'm not. But it is just interesting that 4 didn't accept the unexpected "perfection" and rejected it.

Maybe I'm looking too much into thing and likely that the Team didn't plan all this, but these are my thoughts. Personally, it was an ok episode, all things considered, but I know some people aren't happy about it which that's fair. I just hope some people *cough cough* reddit *cough* don't take things too far and start blaming our new writer. We're just getting started and I did get a catch on some of their work, so I can put in a good word. Please do give them a chance, looking at you reddit. Not all episodes are going to be heavy-hitters and that's okay. There's always another week.

It's valid if you don't like the episode or you're unsure what to feel, just don't go looking for someone/something to blame on. Perhaps it's me being too optimistic, who can say? Besides, I know the Team's cooking, I got a hunch

I still can't believe Evan from the Team actually followed me omg

Anyway, it is an interesting direction the Team went with this episode and I do hope we get more of 3's inner turmoil of being "4's worst copy" like the "Trash Friends" episode. Oh, and they follow-up on the Puzzles and WPNZ teaser somehow, a prison escape perhaps?? Who knows!

As for all of you, if you are dealing with self-image/body issues, just know that you're a wonderful person inside and out. It might not feel like it bc we're talking behind a screen, but seriously you don't have to change to be loved. You already are, and very much friend-shaped to give you a virtual hug 🫂💙 If you want, talk to somebody about it and try to handle it in a healthy and respectful way to yourself. For example, instead of the usual black hoodies I wore in high school, I dress and doll myself up with some nice and comfy clothes. Even if I'm not going out, I still do it and that helped me rebuild some confidence in myself. You can always do what you can for yourself, however you can :)

Well, that's all from me folks! I do apologize taking a while to post this out there. Just putting out fires in my production job, y'know the usual. I'll see yall in the next one, and remember: numbers always go first!

...wow, I can't believe we got to see FM after so long. That's wild. I do wonder how Chris is doing tho

#smg4 #smg4 spoilers #ink reviews #even so-called perfection is never enough #that's why chat there's nothing wrong with staying as wonderful as you are now 💙#(also that rat and cheese bit was really funny lol)

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rannie-moon · 2 days ago

Text

heranchella

synopsis: the time has finally come! It's here and it has it's own chapter in history textbooks...

masterlist | wattpad

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ I don't even know how to start this off...

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ that week she had a slight technical difficulty, which was one of the reasons she was so anxious even during enha's performance. when they came back for week 2 soundcheck she got the news that her set was being moved to another stage

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the sahara tent was perfect for her, she loved it. not small, but not too big. and now? getting out of the van with her manager: "we got confirmation that you're being moved to main stage earlier today."

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ EXCUSE ME?? SHE WAS BEING MOVED WHERE??

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ she wasn't happy at all to say the least but we'll get a closer look at that later. right now we're here for her performance :) (she was ready to take the first flight but to seoul I kid you not)

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ so there she was backstage, mumbling to herself as her stylists fixed the mic pack on her shorts. It was just her—the members were already in the crowd with the others

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ let's just take a closer look at who the others are exactly:

the txt members (supportive besties since day 1 of course. they wouldn't miss this for the world) chaerin—jake's girlfriend, yunjin, and chanelle (even more supportive besties) her cousins chanmi and yejun hyunmin and nari obviously her parents (YUP!) oh and hoseok and jungkook... NO NOT "OH"! HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE TRAINIGN BUT HE MADE A REQUEST JUST TO LEAVE FOR A FEW DAYS TO SEE HER! (our favourite accidental brother figure <3)

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ she was even MORE nervous knowing that they were there for her because what if she messed up?? ON MAIN STAGE!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ heran literally could not stop pacing up and down the dressing room, she was going insane—fidgeting, biting her lip, trying her best not to touch her hair. she couldn't even look at herself in the mirror

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ It was 30 minutes before she had to go on but she was ready, so her stylists and the staff gave her some privacy in hopes that she'd be able to calm herself down

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ she was literally just staring at the wall for what felt like forever, unable to move until she heard the door open. she thought it was a staff member calling her out but it was just jungwon

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ he came to check up on her because he knew how nervous she would be, and he couldn't just stand there with everyone and hope for the best

"how's my superstar feeling?" he asked with a smile, shutting the door behind him—it didn't even take him a second to malfunction because of how good she looked. heran put her head in her hands, "your superstar feels super fucking nauseous." "she also looks super fucking gorgeous." she groaned, not even bothering to look up. “stop trying to make me blush, I’m trying to spiral in peace.” jungwon let out a soft laugh, stepping closer to where she sat perched on the edge of the vanity stool. he crouched down in front of her, hands gently wrapping around her wrists to pull her hands away from her face. “hey,” he said, voice low and steady, “you're going to do amazing heran.” heran blinked down at him, lip wobbling slightly because he always knew exactly what to say. “they moved me to main stage, won. I was already losing it over sahara. now I have fireworks. and my parents. and jungkook?! he's literally supposed to serving the country right now!”

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ a LOT more went down after that before she was called for standby, but let's just say that she felt A LOT better ehehhehe

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ so there she was, under the stage on the platform that was going to raise in a minute. god she felt like katniss everdeen right before the games started

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ she was dressed to perfection, her in-ear monitor counting down as she heard the drowned out screams from the crowd. and then the intro started

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the fans in the crowd were obviously screaming the loudest—supernova, song of the year was literally playing! her dancers were already onstage, the lights dim, flickering from white to black until the infamous supernova rung through the speakers, the audio cutting into something smoother, heran's platform lifting

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ she had to breathe. she had to calm down down. SHE WAS ON MAIN STAGE!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ but then, just as the audio played "I'm some kind of supernova—watch out" lo and behold—lee heran in the center of the main stage at coachella with over 30 000 people surrounding her

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ this was 3/4 of the tokyo dome crowd!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ but the second the camera focused on her, her mic clutched in her hand—shit was about to go down. this was some alter ego take-over and you could literally see it in her eyes

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the remix for the song was a bit slower than the original for the dance breaks but it just added to the vibe. she was hitting those beats in heels and or what??

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the way that the fans were screaming "sageon-eun dagawa, ah-oh, ayy! geosege keojyeoga, ah-oh, ayy!" needed to be STUDIED! THAT SHIT WAS INSANE EVEN THE LOCALS CAUGHT A VIBE

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the outro dance break was BEAUTIFUL! THE MINUTE PEOPLE HEARD "whip whip whip whip whip whiplash" THEY WERE READY FOR A SHOW! BECAUSE FANS KNEW HOW MUCH HERAN LOVED THE SONG AND PERFORMED IT LIKE WDEWDEBDEW

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ miss girl was strutting, taking off her jacket like a SEXY MF as she got into position, and that's all it took. she looked so fucking good please oh lord give us the strength

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ you thought that the intro for future perfect was crazy? how about

"COACHELLA! ONE LOOK GIVE EM WHAT?!"

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ HELL FUCKING YEAH!!!!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the whole point of her set was confidence and just straight up feeling herself SO NATURALLY SHE HAD TO BE A LITTLE NARCISSTIC!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the dancers? the lighting? the screams? her?? IT WAS ALL TOO MUCH! FIRST CHORUS JUST HIT AND PEOPLE WERE FAINTING

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ NOW COME ON YOU KNOW SHE HIT THAT "fancy igeon cham hwalyeohae It's glowing and it's flashy" WITH HER LITTLE OVER SHOULDER TURN AND THAT SMUG AS SMILE AS INSANE FUCKING FACECARD!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ chaerin actually nearly fainted guys please she was jumping on top of jake like a crazy person

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ jake was holding onto her waist like “babe you’re gonna crush my ribs” but chaerin was screaming, “SHE’S SO HOT! SHE’S SO HOT I CAN’T DO THIS!!” while yunjin was recording the whole thing, literally crying from laughter. chanelle was obviously on the floor, you can always find her there when heran does anything tbh

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ back on stage. was having so much fun, like fully in her element and it was so rewarding to watch because?? that's who she was! a performer!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ her vocals were so crisp! please jungkook was hitting that shit like "I USED TO RUN ON THE TREADMILL WITH HER!" boy bye!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ last verse? high note? dance break? halter top holding on for dear life? dancers coming together? heran fixing her hair and walking behind them? IT WAS TIME FOR THE BEAUTY SHOT!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ she literally went viral for it back home so of course it's gonna do numbers here.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ It was the most beautiful sequence ever. the dancers ducked down and she popped up, running a hand through her hair with that last "one look give em whiplash" and a smirk RAHHHHH END MEEEEE

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ SHE HAS FINE ASS BITCH WRITTEN ALL OVER HER AND THE CROWD WAS EATING IT UP! NO ONE WAS SAFE. BOYS, GIRLS, EVERYONE WAS LOSING THEIR MINDS

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ and to end the song off she did the same thing she did for the mama awards the year before. It was runway time! the camera crew practiced it with her for hours, on stage sweating bullets as they were literally in front of her! SHE WAS STRUTTING THROUGH HER DANCERS LIKE THE QUEEN THAT SHE IS

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT PRESENCE?? THE WAY SHE FLIPPED HER HAIR, TURNED TO CAMERA THREE AND GAVE THEM THAT LOOK—SHE KNEW EXACTLY WHERE HER ANGLE WAS. SHE KNEW EXACTLY WHO SHE WAS. LEE HERAN: STAR OF THE FUCKING SHOW

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ and THE WAY THE LIGHTS WERE FOLLOWING HER MOVEMENT??? like they were in love. like the spotlight itself couldn’t bear to be without her. each step was so calculated, so confident, and when she hit the final mark at the end of the runway—

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ POSE. chin up, mic resting against her hip, that one perfect strand of hair falling across her face. crowd behind her going absolutely feral. she looked like a final boss, a fashion magazine cover, the moment and the movement

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ and right on cue—the camera zoomed out in that SLOW, CINEMATIC PULLBACK with the fireworks going off behind her. the final chorus echoed through the speakers, and she stood there, center stage, bathed in gold. not moving. just owning it

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ I fear she quite literally gave everyone whiplash.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ that right there was her introduction. two songs in and he had the crowd shazaming them both

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the music was off now, just a very smiley heran trying not to blush over the amount of people screaming her name. a completely different person to whoever just cat walked main stage into a dance break

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ so after that little introduction she got her water bottle and finally got to properly introduce herself:

“hi.” that was literally all she managed to get out between breathless giggles, the crowd still screaming like she hadn’t just set the whole stage on fire. her heart was pounding so hard it felt like part of the beat. behind her, her dancers regrouped, just as out of breath and giddy as she was. “uh, I wanted to introduce myself as the blonde girl with the lipstick but—” she tried, only to be cut off by even louder screaming. she paused, cracking up as she fanned herself dramatically. “okay, there you go. glad to know I’m known.” she grinned. “my name’s heran, by the way—but you can call me hailey. I was raised right here in LA actuallly, I’m from glendale.” the crowd exploded, louder than before, and heran’s eyes widened like she couldn’t believe it. she tilted her head, smile tugging wider as she looked around the sea of lights and faces. “ya’ll just scream for anything, huh?” she teased, still laughing. “you know… i’m not even supposed to be here right now—like, on this stage,” she said, pacing a little as the cheers settled into excited hums. “I was originally scheduled for the sahara tent, which was already insane to me, but then on monday—literally monday—my manager comes to me like, ‘they moved you to main stage.’” she paused, wide-eyed. “and I kid you not… I nearly started fucking crying—” her hand immediately shot up to her mouth. “—oh my god, I probably shouldn’t be cussing. bro, my parents are here.” the crowd erupted in laughter, some even pointing and cheering towards the VIP section where fans spotted her parents standing with others, proudly recording every second. heran just gave the most sheepish smile, waving at them with both hands. “yeah… I’ve got a lot of very important people here tonight besides my members,” she said a bit softer, but her voice still playful, her eyes sweeping across the crowd. as soon as she said members, the crowd went feral. unhinged. there were even a few chaotic chants starting in the pit. heran scrunched her nose and tilted her head. “mhm. yeah. you guys like them, huh?” she raised a brow. “freaky.” the crowd lost it again, and heran just giggled into her mic, shaking her head in disbelief. “this is literally so unserious. no but really—I’m super grateful. I worked really hard for this set and… I dunno, I just hope you guys can feel how much I love this.” heran took one last sip from her water bottle and twisted the cap back on, eyes scanning the electric sea of people under the desert sky. “alright,” she said, voice breathy from all the excitement, “so this next one is my icy little favourite.” she turned over her shoulder, already gliding toward center stage in those tall heels like it was nothing. but before the lights could fade into the cool-toned blues, she looked back at the crowd, hand on her mic, eyes gleaming with mischief. “also… I heard that jeon jungkook guy from bts is somewhere out here tonight,” she said in the most casual, off-hand tone imaginable. the crowd absolutely ERUPTED. heran’s laugh cracked through the chaos as she held her hand up, playful and teasing. “so feel free to swarm him. ask for like, a million pictures. tell him I sent you. he’ll love that.”

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ absolutely legendary. and all she did was talk bruh 😭😭 please jungkook's face was the epitome of "It was funny, until it wasn't" bro had to message his bodyguards just in case LMFAOOOOO

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ but so far our girl was doing amazing, she's performed on bigger stages but obviously this held more weight 😭😭

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ but next song? Igloo? ya'll already know that the kpopies were getting ready to shake some ass

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ she was having so much fun interacting with her dancers! she was keeping the energy up so well, and you could see that everyone on stage was having fun (which is always her main goal)

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ for the second verse she held up the mic towards the crowd. THERE WERE LITERAL SCREAMS TO: "VITAMIN! THAT D! I'M GOOD, I'M HEALTHY!"

💬 : the way god intended this line to be delivered 🙏🏼

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ her proud smile afterwards?? yuhhhh walking around as she got into formation, taking the pair of prada sunglasses from the dancer next to her, giving it a little wipe and putting it on before EATING the chorus!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ THAT INTO UP?? END MY LIFE! SPICE IT UP! UP! UP!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ count on heran to be doing crazy ass hiphop choreo in heels istg. and the band arrangement? ugh they were doing so damn good, jay was geeking out

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ when the platform started rising and the lights were tweaking around her? NYEAH! this was some show me the money shit bruh idk, by the power of min yoongi I guess she was a rapper now

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ she was out here performing mine like it was cypher 3 💀 heavy metal track and bro was serving vocals with that damn mic stand, feeling it up like it was her lifeline

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ THERE WAS A SHOT OF JUST HER HANDS ON THE LED SCREEN AT SOME POINT HELP!! THE TWEETS WERE CRAZY! rings sparkling under the blue lighting—and twitter became a war zone

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ then the stage faded to black, and on the giant led screens, an abstract montage began to play—cool tones melting into fiery reds, flashes of glittering lips, hands gazing fogged-up mirrors, heels hitting pavement

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ while this was all going on, heran was running backstage getting her outfit changed, her stylists throwing clothes at her as she hopped out of her skin tight clothes into even MORE skin tight clothing

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ In the vip section her members were watching with full hearts, trying to ignore the creams of heran's friends that were losing their shit in a way only girl's could

"I wonder what she's wearing," chanelle said, completely dazed. chaerin didn't even blink. "hopefully nothing." "real talk," yunjin muttered from behind her phone, not looking up but clearly agreeing. the boys were horrified! ni-ki literally took a step back, shooting jake a look that screamed "put your girlfriend on a leash", because this only one of the many profound comments that chaerin had made about heran so far. “can you please control her?” sunghoon hissed, leaning closer to jake but cutting a pointed glance at chaerin like she wasn’t right there, still fanning herself like she was going to pass out from the sheer force of her delusions. “I’m in love, sunghoon,” chaerin said plainly, clasping her hands together. “what do you want me to do? fight god?” sunghoon looked at her, then at jake again, who just gave a half-shrug like you heard her. ni-ki was still standing a full foot away from everyone, arms crossed like he was protecting his own soul. “I’m not sitting next to these people during sports car. no way. she’s gonna wink at the camera and one of them’s gonna combust.” “combust is crazy,” sunoo muttered under his breath, but he didn’t disagree. and jungwon? he hadn’t said a word in the past few minutes. his mouth opened once, like he was gonna say something—maybe a compliment, maybe a prayer—but then the screen flashed and the screams returned, the roar of the crowd was unimaginable. then heran's voice run out, "has anyone seen my bra?" the lights flashed purple under the night sky, everyone's screaming not topping the way that chanelle, chaerin, and yunjin were jumping on each other.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ everything was purple, and then the first few synth beats of a song that EVERYONE recognised started playing

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ then in all her glory came heran, walking slowly from behind stage as the instrumental played out

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ It's okay, I'm okay. SAID LITERALLY NO ONE EVER WHEN THIS CHICK WALKED OUT WITH HER DANCERS! BARELY WEARING ANY CLOTHING!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ cue chanelle screaming: "SHE'S WEARING THE BRA!!"

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ her family was absolutely scandalised. her mother literally asked nari why she was barely wearing any clothes HELPPPPP 😭😭😭

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ jungkook just sighed, shaking his head. "I remember when she was 16."

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ yeonjun looked at him with his eyes narrowed. "well I remember she was 13. yeah, get back in line grandpa."

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ considering that she was singing a song about not caring about her boyfriend breaking up with her, with her entire chest, jungwon didn't really mind. but of course, heeseung had to say something

"now you see if that was me personally—"

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ BOY STFU 😭😭

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ ughhhh she was dancing like rent was due, her tongue sticking out with that little stank face 🤧 you already know she was locked in

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ then for the last verse it was more catwalk time!! thankfully everyone was singing along, girlfriends screaming the lyrics beside their boyfriends who were genuinely terrified of leaving that evening as a single man

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the dancers lined up perfectly, the spotlights hitting her at an angle that was inhumanely possible, her hair blowing in the wind like she was in some britney spears music video

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ "I DON'T WANT HIM ANYMORE GIRL TAKE HIM!" WE ALL SCREAM IN UNISON

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ choreography! hairography! floorograpy! SHE WAS DOING IT ALL IN A SHORT ASS PAIR OF LEATHER SHORTS, A WHITE TANK AND A PURPLE LACE BRA!!!!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the last line faded with the lights, heran's figure momentarily disappearing but her voice was still very much present. raspy, at least an octave deeper.

"COACHELLA ARE YOU STILL WITH ME?!"

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ by now the crowd had somehow managed to grow in size—like fans were multiplying by the second—and when the sound of a car revving blasted through the speakers? people lost their minds.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the camera focused on main stage, a single platform raised as her voice run out in a whispery "I think you know what this is" as four dancers made their way uptop

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the camera cut to the main stage. one lone platform rising slowly, smoke swirling at its base. her voice filtered through the speakers in a breathy “I think you know what this is…”

and the four dancers stepping up onto the platform? yeah. everyone KNEW.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ she hadn’t even started singing and already the crowd was SCREAMING “you can uh-uh in it—” like it was the damn national anthem

BYEEEEEEE. FREAKYYYYY

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ then the screen behind her lit up: a glowing red “YEAH YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS.”

HELL. YEAH. WE. DO. SPORTS CAR.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ pretty sure someone yelled “LET ME HAVE YOUR BABIES”—and against all odds, it wasn’t chaerin this time.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ then she brought out the chair, oh god the chair. like it's part of the choreography but who added the grinding part?? she hadn’t even made it to verse two and already half the crowd needed holy water

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ she wasn't even at the second verse yet and jungwon was sweating literal bullets. someone was gonna need to put him on a leash soon 🙏🏼

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the crowd was so loud she could barely hear herself sing—so, naturally, she handed it over to them again.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ “you can do it on your own—WHAT!”

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ and then 30,000 voices shrieked back: “WHILE YOU’RE LOOKIN’ AT ME!” It was a religious experience.

yunjin, arms crossed, turned to look at jungwon—eyes wide, mouth parted, stunned. “be honest. is this biblically accurate?” jungwon blinked like he’d been hit with a brick. “huh?” she narrowed her eyes. “she’s singing about getting railed in a car, jungwon. this is a safe space.” he flushed so red, hands flailing. “no! she likes F1! you know she likes F1—this has nothing to do with me!” chanelle leaned over from behind, raising an eyebrow. “not even, like… corner of the bed?” jungwon froze. and just like that, the girls screamed. chaerin was collapsed in her seat. “he folded. HE FOLDED SO FAST.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ meanwhile, on stage, heran was fighting for her life, trying to block out the mental image of her mom watching that chair routine with wide eyes and a clenched jaw

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ but she powered through—like the professional she was—and ended the song with a bang, hips swinging, hair stuck to her neck, and a final smug smirk that sent the crowd into a tailspin.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ lights dimmed. the music faded. and finally—finally—it was time for a water break

"okay," she panted, flipping her hair over one shoulder, grinning at the sheer chaos in front of her. “who screamed ‘let me have your babies’?” crowd: SILENCE. crowd: SCREAMS AGAIN. "no, because one of you yelled that from the deepest part of your chest, and I need you to know..." she took a long sip of water, "...my dad is in the third row." somewhere, her father was definitely reevaluating everything. "he was sitting there like 🧍‍♂️" she mimicked the stiffest posture imaginable, which only made the audience scream louder. "and my mom?" she continued, tossing the bottle aside, hands on hips, voice still breathless. "I looked down during the bridge and she was praying. like, lips moving, spiritually interceding for me." the crowd was HOWLING. heran took a deep breath, water bottle in one hand, towel in the other, sweat still clinging to her temples. but the moment she brought the mic back to her lips, that teasing glint returned to her eyes. “Is anyone here with a boyfriend tonight?” she asked. instant screams. duh. “a girlfriend?” she tilted her head. even louder screams. of course. “hmm… interesting,” she mused, pacing the stage like she was gathering intel. “okay so, I brought them up earlier but I just remembered something. last week, when my group performed, my socials got flooded with people who weren’t even fans asking about the boys.” she started giggling, shaking her head. “like, oh! ‘who’s the one with the red hair—’” the screams nearly blew the roof off. heran blinked, lips parting in mock horror. “oh damn, you’re really feeding his ego right now. y’all need to calm down!" the crowd laughed, but she wasn’t done. “okay, can we be honest with each other for a sec?” she smiled sweetly. “can you guys tell me which one was your favourite? like, which member did you see and you thought, ‘yeah… I’d sign that NDA.’” chaos. a war zone of names being screamed from every section of the arena. “who?” she asked, walking toward the edge of the stage, hand to her ear. someone yelled, “the one with the blonde hair!” and that was it. heran froze. turned slowly toward the audience, eyes wide like she couldn’t believe her ears. the music began playing, the introduction smooth as she finished off with a meek smile. "sorry, that one's mine."

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ AND THAT EVERYONE, WAS THE INTRODUCTION TO MISS POSSESSIVE AND THE HARDEST LAUNCH IN HISTORY

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ SYDNEY SWEENY'S VOICE SAYING "get your hands off my man" AND THE PANDAMONIUM THAT WAS HAPPENING AROUND JUNGWON AND ENGENES

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ no camera pans. no mercy. the show was still going. heran was in full popstar mode on stage, commanding every inch of the spotlight like she didn’t just drop a lyrical bomb and start dancing unfazed

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ but in the vip section? behind those blinding lights and bass drops? jungwon. was. spiralling.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ he was dead center in the row, fists clenched between his knees, visibly malfunctioning. like... man was buffering. couldn’t process a thing

"yo, is he okay?" heeseung whispered, leaning forward to look at him like he was observing a wildfire documentary. "he's overheating," jay said seriously, waving his hand in front of jungwon's face. "look at his ears. they're glowing." he was surrounded by his members and the inevitable screaming and crashing out of the girls in front of him.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ best comment of the evening was by far from yunjin: "dude can't wait until they're back at the hotel, jesus look at him."

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ jay was like, "I mean if my girlfriend openly claimed me in front of 40 00 people I'd probably try to get her home as soon as possible too."

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ sunoo shot him a look. "why don't you tell her that?"

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ jay was like??? "because she's at home studying??"

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ let's give you a quick run down of the current relationship status amongst the members. you know those comments that are like "no way the members are single" FACTUAL INFORMATION

heran and jungwon—been together since the dawn of time. private for ages because of the hate naturally, but after this that man is claimed. publicly, internationally. and jungwon is ready to fight people because he's been waiting to go public! but the stupid company wouldn't let them! jake and chaerin (lesserafim)—started off as a pr thing, but now? "If she's not yelling at me, does she even care?" jay and haewon (just finished her chemical engineering degree at snu. we love women in stem)—the couple their friends forget are dating because they act like a married ceo and his emotionally elusive poet girlfriend. but if you pay attention? they never stop looking at each other (heran's parents in another life wbk) heeseung and jihye—these two have the emotional tension of an episode of vampire diaries. everyone knows, but it's got to be the craziest situationship known to mankind rn. and neither of them are ready to say anything (she's a streamer and they met through a very heated league game that heeseung lost bwahaha) sunghoon and sua—elegant. timeless. hot people who do hot things in silence. literally no mess, just vibes. no seriously, she's a model... sunoo and ari—aesthetically terrifying, emotionally synced. always facetiming in the dressing room. she calls him "cutie", he calls her "sweetheart". we cry. ni-ki isn't in a relationship BUT there has been something simmering with an old friend of his that he lost contact with when he was younger. her name is hikari and she's just the sweetest little angel ever!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ now for our main event! the moment we've all been waiting for! the solo debut that shook the kpop industry to it's core on some random day in 2023!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ NOTHING in this world could match the feeling of hearing the instrumental for drama for the first time

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ people thought that it was going to flop—that a song as hard as this for a hybe artist would barely hit the charts... of course they were wrong

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the camerawork for this stage?? 100000/10!! the camera crew understood the assignment, studied it, wrote their thesis on it, and EXECUTED!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ heran’s vocals??? listen. this was HER song, and she made sure to show off every damn time.

especially with the live band??? THEY ATE, THEY LEFT NO CRUMBS, THEY CLEARED THE TABLE. HER VOCALS ON THE BRIDGE??? INJECT IT INTO MY VEINSSSSSS!!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ ROCKSTAR GIRLFRIEND HERAN! ROCKSTAR GIRKFRIEND HERAN! AHHHHHHHH! JSHDIEWDEBEJEJ

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ SHREDDING ON THAT GUITAR FOR HER SOLO!!! ON HAT DANM RAISED PLATFORM, LIGHTS TWEAKING OUT, HER SKIN GLOWING AND BORDERLINE DRIPPING IN SWEAT

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ in the vip section?? absolute pandemonium (for the nth time that evening) sunoo was screaming so loud I fear the security was concerned 💀

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the fact that everyone was expecting the guitar solo just to be played for drama, and this girl had the AUDACITY to play it for spicy as well!!!

💬 : who tf is heran and why do I suddenly want to give her my house deed?? 💬 : idk anything about enhypen but whoever got claimed by heran, congratulations! someone filmed jungwon in the vip section watching her like she hung the moon and the stars 😭😭 the quote retweets on that video?? 💬 : never felt more single in my life. 💬 : that's the look of a man who knows he is NOT winning that argument later 💬 : he's literally so cooked omf 😭 engenes were howlingggg, posting videos like: 🎥 : watching her play guitar in real time was like... a religious experience, like I blacked out and he I woke up she was finishing spicy 🎥 : first I see jungwon clenching the rail for dear life. then I see heran shredding that solo. now what? someone else posted a 4K fancam of heran sweating, glowing, absolutely RIPPPING through her guitar solo with the caption: 🎥 : this woman could commit tax fraud I would simply nod and the engenes that have BEEN here?? 💬 : ya'll are late but welcome. pls grab a drink and sign the waiver 💬 : being a heran stan is a full-time job, no pto, emotional damages included

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ OUTFIT CHANGE BECAUSE IT'S A PARTY TIME!!!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ she came out accidentally looking like sabrina carpenter and for what??

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ her entire performance, from the aesthetic to her outfits was giving stargirl in the coolest way possible. she was literally wearing body glitter guys!!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ her family was glad to see that she was wearing a bit more clothing too!! 😀

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the last 4 songs of the setlist unfortunately 😭 so she made sure to have EXTRA fun on stage with her dancers and with the crowd, she was so smiley the entire time hehe

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ my satisfaction? heya? straight vocals, from the depth of her soul, shining, shimmering perfection

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ definitely one of the prettiest looks of the evening. she was gorgeous

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ but then it got quiet, and it was just her on the big screen, no instrumental, just her voice, raw and breathless as she sang the first line of hold on tight: "baby, you and me, are a twisted fantasy..."

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ PARTY PARTY YEAH!!!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ she performed the remix!! a minute of pure coachella chaos drowned in glitter, strobe lights, blasted bass and a mess of jumping and running on stage! THE CROWD WAS TURNING UP!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ right before the beat dropped, she got together with her dancers huddling around her, holding her mic and straight up just yelled: "COACHELLA, LET ME SEE YOU TURN THE FUCK UP!"

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ people were screaming, throwing hands in the air, climbing on each other's shoulders, full on glitter explosions. lights tweaking out in every direction.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ tiktok edits instantly

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the stage was a literal fever dream after the party party yeah chaos, she just stood there laughing as she was still riding the high with the crowd

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ last song of the evening!

"coachella, you just gave me the best night of my life."

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the crowd SCREAMED, and she laughed, wide and free, as the piano intro of after like started—freakishly similar to I will survive—so the locals were extra confused for a second before realising what was happening

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ then—

the lights bathed her in this golden glow as she dropped into the smooth, gliding dance intro, her smile so infectious it spread across the entire desert

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ It felt like new year's eve.

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ YOU AND I!! IT'S MORE THAN LIKE!! WHAT'S AFTER LIKE???

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ SHININING SHIMMERING PERFECTION! HER NAME IS LEE HERAN!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ for this part she got one of the cameras on stage to follow her, dancing around with her on stage as her back faced the ENORMOUS CROWD!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ last chorus, she hit that after like remix and the FIREWORKS WENT OFF LIKE IN THE MOST CINEMATIC SCENE IN COACHELLA HISORY!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ jumping around with pure joy, grabbing her dancers close, she had the crowd scream for them, clapping and bowing with them as a team, and then they screamed even louder for her 😭

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ she hit her final pose, arms at her sides, smiling and out of breath, her skin glowing like the damn moon itself!

"coachella! you have been a dream! I love you!"

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ and with that, she blew a kiss to the crowd, bowed so deep it made her parents tear up, and skipped off her stage with her dancers trailing behind her like a glittery comet trail

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ please, the crowd was still chanting her name after she left! guys she was literally on the verge of tears!!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ backstage? chaos. screaming. heran barely made it two steps off stage before she was TACKLED by her chanelle, yunjin, and chaerin at the same time

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ her members followed after, pulling her into another group hug before her family got to talk to her, literal tears in their eyes 😭😭

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ you'd think that as her boyfriend jungwon would get a moment to properly hug her but whenever someone was done talking to her, another one came! bruh beomgyu pushed him out of the way so damn hard 😭😭

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ when the txt members were done? jungkook tackled her into the mfing ground 💀💀 he's buff now... please she was struggling to breathe 🙏🏼

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ THEN! when everyone eventually left because someone else was performing, that's when heran and jungwon got s few minutes to ACTUALLY talk

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ trust, if she had any more energy left she would have jumped on him but heran was depleted 😭😭 but she pulled him into the biggest hug! her excitement still slightly buzzing as he peppered her face in kisses! UGH TOO DAMN CUTE!!!

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ and yes, there were photos. blurry, beautiful photos of that simple moment. her arms draped over his shoulders, jungwon's grip tight around her waist as she got her last bit of adrenaline off her chest

💬 : just saw some blurry fancam of heran when she got offtstage. she couldn't even get a second to breathe 😭😭 she's literally the people's princess 💬 : jungwon just hesitantly standing on the side waiting for his turn awww 💬 : every single idol and their mom lining up to hug her is so deserved

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ the hashtags?

#HERANCHELLA #COACHELLASTARGIRL #JUNGWONYOUARESTRONG #ENHAS_GIRL

⋆. 𐙚 ˚ and somewhere, deep in a corner of twitter, a picture of heran smiling in jungwon's arms under the caption:

oh, seoul isn't ready for her when they get back home

was making rounds.

taglist: @angie-x3@deluluscenarios @chaeryyeongz @akitoshi39i@sparklydoll444 @yunjiiin @kaitieskidmore97 @yb763@reibelhearts @enhaverse713586

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spidercatweb · 8 hours ago

Text

Your Embrace and My Collapse ★ Spencer Reid x reader

Warnings: fem!bau!reader, migraine!reid, angst, hurt/comfort, tiny bit of fluff at the end, established relationship, Spencer is snippy and a little mean but it's because of migraine, Spencer yells at reader, reader is sad for a bit, non-specific case details, mentions of women being murdered, a hint of misogyny from a suspect, one single swear word, umm nothing else I don't think? lmk if so. this is set in s6 :)

Description: Spencer has a migraine, he yells at r when it gets too overwhelming, he regrets this later, calling to apologize.

Word Count: 3.1k

Request: Hi! First off I loveee your blog!! Second off could I get a spencer reid x fem!reader where they r having an argument about literally anything and then a lot of spencer groveling? thanks for considering

A/n: thank you sm for the request, anon!! I am just now realizing that what happens in this isnt much of an argument 😬, but i quite like how it turned out. I hope you enjoy!! <3 Is it obvious i got carried away w this one?

After four years of working with Spencer, and nearly two years of dating him, it wasn't surprising that you were the first to notice that something was wrong.

The past few days, Spencer hadn't gone on as many long rambles as usual. Maybe he was just tired this week, cases have been very time consuming lately. Not that they usually aren't.

You figured out what was wrong when you saw him squeeze his eyes shut and rub them with the base of his palms. Three times in an hour. Unusual.

After the team finished delivering the profile for the current case, you took a moment to pull him aside.

"Are you feeling okay?" Concern in your voice, you reached gently for his hand.

He pulled away. "Yeah, I'm fine." His face scrunched up, he shut his eyes tightly and his nose crinkled up. You'd find it cute if it wasn't obvious he was in pain. He pressed into the bridge of his nose with two fingers,clearly trying to ease a headache.

"Okay," you gave him a small smile and nod, "let me know if you need anything, I've got Advil in my bag."

"I know, thank you." He made an effort to return your smile.

"Reid, Y/l/n, we've got a lead. Garcia's about to fill everyone in." Hotch's commanding voice cut through the calm, quiet bubble around the two of you.

The team filed into the briefing room of the BAU. Thankfully, the case was local. You were glad to be in a familiar place.

Garcia was already seated at the small round table, tapping away on her laptop. You sat down next to Spencer, Prentiss sat on your other side.

"Lovelies, we have a small problem. I've found two men who almost exactly fit our profile."

"We'll bring both of them in for questioning, then. What do we know about them, Garcia?" Hotch directs the attention back to her.

"I was just about to tell you that, sir. First up, we've got Landon Adams, 27 years old. His childhood was... less than nice. Plenty of trips to the hospital, poor thing. Lots of injuries consistent with abuse. And I'm assuming everything going on at home was related to the multiple reports of violence towards his fellow students at school. Multiple suspensions, and he was expelled from his highschool." She takes a quick moment to switch the information on her screen.

"Second guy, Cole Parker, 29 years old. Similar childhood to Adams. Frequent hospital trips for supposed accidents, bad behaviour at school, suspensions, an expulsion. Oh and get this! They both work in construction! Different companies, though."

"Do we have home addresses and places of work?" Rossi chimes in.

"We do, sir, I've already sent them to you all." Garcia smiles proudly, always one step ahead.

"Thank you, Garcia. Alright, Prentiss, Morgan. You two go to Adams' home. Rossi and JJ, you go to his workplace. Seaver and I will go to Parker’s home. Y/l/n and Reid, you two go to his workplace."

Everyone nods at Hotch as they receive their placements. The team splits up accordingly, each pair heading to a different SUV. Exiting the Quantico building, you see Spencer wince at the brightness of the sun. You sigh quietly. You don't like seeing him in pain, but you have a job to do. You'll talk more later.

The car ride is quiet. You drive, Spencer sits in the passenger seat. The silence isn't exactly comfortable, but it isn't awkward. You roll down his window just a little, to give him the fresh air he so obviously needs. You take the time to theorize about the suspect. Will he even be at work? Will he run? Put up a fight? You hope not.

As you pull into the small, gravel parking lot of the construction company, you sit for a moment to prepare yourself to talk to whoever is managing the place. In your experience, people in this line of work aren't often eager to talk to FBI agents. You look over at Spencer, he must have put on his sunglasses when you weren't paying attention. He now looks a little less irritated without the sun in his eyes. Good.

You gently place a hand on Spencer’s knee, catching his attention. “You ready to go?”

He brushes his hand over yours, giving it a light squeeze. “Yep.”

You both step out of the car into the bright sun. The sunlight reflects off of tiny, glistening specks in the gravel, and right into your eyes. You squint as you head to the front entrance of the building alongside Spencer, now wishing you’d also brought your sunglasses.

The inside of the building is similar to the outside. Concrete, dusty, smelling strongly of diesel. You noticed how Spencer scrunched up his nose at the pungent scent.

The only other person inside is an older man who introduces himself as Mark, the manager of the building.

“You two are FBI? Really? Well what are you two doin’ out here?”

You ignore the man’s questioning of your authority. “We’re here to ask you a few questions about one of your employees, Cole Parker?”

“Ah. Well, he called in sick today, and I’m not one to judge, but he didn’t sound very sick on the phone. If you ask me, he’s ditching work to be with that new girlfriend of his.”

“Girlfriend?” Spencer asks. He glances over to you, the unsub had been killing young women. If Cole Parker was your guy, this new girlfriend of his could be in danger.

“Yeah. He’s been yammerin’ on about her for the past week. Her name is Carol… or Christine? Somethin’ like that. Hard to keep up. He gets tired of em’ fast.”

Interesting.

“Have you noticed any shifts in his behavior lately? Short temper, violent outbursts, things like that?”

“Hm. Y’know I’m really not sure, I’m not around him long enough to notice. Might be better to ask some of the guys. I can give you the address of the site they’re workin’ if you’d like.” He offers.

Spencer pinches the bridge of his nose again, his vision beginning to blur. “We’ve already got two other agents headed there right now, but thank you.”

The man notices Spencer’s clear discomfort, “You alright?”

“Yeah. Fine, thanks.” He runs his hands through his hair anxiously, further tousling his already messy curls.

“Thank you for your cooperation, sir.” You hand him a card with your work phone number, “Please call me if you remember any important details about Cole.”

He puts the card into his shirt pocket. “Of course. Have a nice day, you two.”

As you both exit the building, Spencer stops right outside the door, running his hands over his face with a sigh.

You turn to look at him with concern. “Spence-”

“I just need a minute. I’m fine. I’ll meet you in the car.” His eyes are squeezed shut as he faces the ground, rubbing his temples.

You respond with a quiet “okay”, and silently head back to the car, where you wait for him. You put the air conditioning on blast as you pull out your phone to call Hotch.

“Hotchner.” He answers quickly.

“Did you and Seaver find Cole?”

“Yes, we’re just about to bring him in for questioning. How’s it going over there?”

“His boss told us that he can’t keep a girlfriend for too long, always switching between girls. He didn’t notice any other odd behaviors though. We’re just about to leave.” You spot Spencer walking over to the car.

“Alright, thanks. See you at the precinct.” He hangs up the call.

Spencer slides into the passenger’s seat, looking slightly calmer than before. “Who was that?”

“Hotch. Him and Seaver are bringing Cole Parker in for questioning.” You turn the air conditioning down a little, so it’s still cool but not as loud, not as irritating for Spencer.

“Good.”

***

Spencer leans his head back on his seat and closes his eyes. The drive back is just as silent as the drive there. By the time you get to the police precinct, Spencer is half asleep. He opens his eyes slowly. Squinting at the light coming through the windshield, he turns his head towards you.

“Hi.” You huff out a small laugh, earning a small quirk of his lips. “Feeling a little better?”

“Mm.” He sighs with a nod, “a little, I’ll be fine.”

You reach over and comb your fingers through his hair, he leans into your touch. You fix a few stray hairs that stick out, then give him a peck on his cheek. “Let’s go.”

***

The lights in the precinct are bright, filled with the chatter of nosy police officers. They flock around the team as you all enter with both suspects. Hotch and Rossi take on the task of interrogating, with the rest of the team on standby if needed. You stand behind the two-way mirror with Seaver and Reid. You listen intently to every word, you note mannerisms, you profile. That is your job after all.

Cole is becoming frustrated after only thirty minutes of interrogation. Hotch stays calm and collected as Cole’s volume rises.

“I’m telling you! I was nowhere near there! I was out with some guys from work. Ask ‘em, they’ll tell you.”

“We did. They all had pretty different stories. We also got security camera feeds from the alley that night. Are you telling me that isn’t you?” Hotch slides a grainy photo across the table. The lighting is dark and the quality is less than ideal, but it’s clearly Cole in the photo.

He groans and mumbles something under his breath, “those bitches deserved it.”

“Pardon me?” Hotch prompts him to repeat himself.

“I said they deserved it! Every last one!” He yanks hard at the cuffs grounding him to the table, lunging at Hotch.

Hotch doesn’t move a muscle. “Alright, that’s enough.” He nods to the two officers standing at the back of the room. They move to restrain the man and bring him to a holding cell.

You look up at Spencer, who at first glance, seems fine, like he’s just thinking. But you notice his glassy eyes and flushed face. He tries to inconspicuously shield his eyes from the flickering fluorescent light above his head. Seaver notices this too, she gives you an “is he okay?” look, you give her a shrug and a worried look that says “I have no idea.” She exits the room to go check on Rossi and the others, leaving you and Reid alone.

You hover beside him, not wanting to worsen his pain any more. After a few moments of watching him silently suffer, you hear a sniffle. He’s crying. You get a sinking feeling in your chest, all you want is for him to be okay.

“Spence,” you whisper. No response. “Do you want to sit down? I can get you some water,” you offer kindly.

He shakes his head, massaging his temples again.

“Are you sure? The case is pretty much wrapped up. I’m sure Hotch wouldn’t mind.” Your voice stays soft, gentle.

He raises his voice “God, I’m fine! It’s fine! Nothing will help, just… Just stop trying to help me. I don’t need help.” You spot him wiping a tear from his face as he storms out of the room.

You don’t follow. Maybe he needs some time alone. You respect his wishes. You don’t help. Though you’d really, really like to. Instead, you follow Seaver’s trail to the second interrogation room where Rossi is still digging deep into the other suspect’s mind. You watch through the two-way mirror.

“Really, Landon? Were you really stopped on the side of that road for a nap? You were on your way home, weren’t you? Why not wait until you got back?”

“I was tired. I didn’t want to fall asleep at the wheel.”

“Alright. You’re sure you didn’t see anything suspicious? No … man lugging around a woman’s corpse? Burying her?”

“No, man! I was sleeping!” He throws his hands up in the air, as much as one can while cuffed to a table. He sighs defeatedly.

Hotch slides past you and into the interrogation room. He lets Rossi know that while he’d been interrogating, Cole Parker had fully confessed to the murders. He spared no detail, including ones the police and FBI hadn’t yet shared with the public.

Rossi gives Landon a half-hearted apology and a pat on the back as the officers uncuff him.

***

You help Hotch to get a written confession from Cole, which takes longer than usual, because his handwriting skills aren’t exactly the best. But you sit in the room with him, waiting, as he drops the occasional rude comment directed towards you, his victims, or the police.

While sitting silently, you think about Spencer. You wonder if he’s okay. You think about what he said. He doesn’t need help from you. He doesn't want help from you. Leave him alone for once.

You shake the thought out of your head. He’s in pain. He didn’t mean it. This does little to ease the anxiety spinning in your mind.

“Hey, lady. I’m done writing.” He drops the pen down onto the metal table with just enough force to express his annoyance.

“Good. Did you sign it?”

“Of course I did. What? Do you think I’m stupid or something?” He’s clearly looking for a fight.

Unamused, you respond. “No. I think you’re a serial killer with a severe lack of respect for women. I was just checking. A lot of people forget.” You slide the paper towards yourself and look it over before placing it into a file folder. You give a nod to the officers in the room and they take him away. You leave the room after them, meeting up with the rest of the team except Spencer, who’d reluctantly gone home per Hotch’s instruction. Thank goodness someone else noticed.

Hotch pulls you aside for a moment. “I wouldn’t mind if you left to help Reid. There’s not much left for us to do today anyway. You’re free to go.”

You hesitate. He doesn’t want help. He doesn’t need you.

“Okay. Thanks Hotch.” You give him a faint smile as you go to grab your things.

***

Instead of heading to Spencer’s apartment, you go to yours. You want to check up on him, but don’t want to pain him with a blaring ringtone, and he was most likely staying away from screens, so he wouldn’t see a text. You keep him in your thoughts as you change out of your work clothes and settle down for the night.

***

Spencer lies on his bed in complete darkness. At this point, the pain had brought him to tears. He hadn’t eaten anything due to the nausea looming in his stomach, which only made the headache worse.

He needed something. A distraction. Nothing loud. Nothing bright. Nothing that would irritate him further. He wanted you. He needed you.

He thinks back to what he said to you earlier. Why would I say that? Well, he knew why he said it. Scientifically. Higher sensitivity, more pain, more irritability, this leads to outbursts. He just wanted it to stop. He didn’t mean to yell at you.

He sighs, shifting to be face-down in his pillow. He just wants to feel okay. Why won’t it stop? What’s wrong with me? A pained whine escapes him as he decides to try to get some rest.

***

Your phone’s ringtone pulls you out of your sleep. You grab it from your nightstand, checking the time first. Who’s calling me at 12:30am? Spencer. You answer with some hesitation, anxiety still whirrs in your mind, residue from hours ago.

“Spence?”

“I really- I’m really sorry for what I said earlier. I didn’t mean it. And I know that’s not a good excuse but-” His voice is quieter than usual, strained.

“I know you didn’t mean it. You weren’t acting like… you. I was worried.”

“I said I didn’t need help but I’m um- really rethinking that right now. And I’d completely understand if you didn’t want to but um- could you maybe come over? I just really want someone here with me. I want you here with me.”

You could tell from his voice that he was still hurting, he was scared. You get up without a second thought.

“Of course, Spence. I’ll be right over.”

He sighs with relief. “Thank you.”

***

Spencer hears the lock on his door click as you enter. He stays right where he is, in bed.

You walk in as quietly as you can, leaving your shoes at the door and trying your best to navigate around in the dark. You nudge his bedroom door open and whisper a quiet “I’m here” as you spot the outline of him in his bed.

He sits up slowly with a small hum of acknowledgement. “Hi.” He reaches to turn on the lamp beside his bed.

“No, don’t, you don’t need to turn it on. It’s fine.” You reassure him. “Do you want me to get you anything? Water? Meds?”

“Both, please. Meds are on the kitchen counter.”

“Okay, I’ll be back in two seconds.” You head to the kitchen, spotting the meds once you turn on the lights. You fill a glass with ice, then water, grab the box of meds, then rush right back to Spencer’s room, turning off the kitchen lights as you leave.

You carefully hand him the glass of water, he thanks you, then takes a long sip. You hand him two tablets of his meds, and he swallows them with the water.

“You want to try to get some sleep?”

He nods, “Yeah, but these usually take about half an hour to kick in, hopefully they do kick in. I’ll probably be able to sleep then.” Your eyes have now adjusted to the dark, you can see him give you a small smile.

“You want me to stay?”

“I’d really like it if you did.”

“Alright, move over then.” You don’t wait to slide into bed next to him. It warms your heart to hear him giggle slightly from this.

***

Your next hour is spent with Spencer curled up to your chest, with your fingers carding through his hair. The room is silent, save for your breathing and the sighs he lets out every so often. You stay awake until you’re sure he’s asleep, then for a little while longer, just to make sure. Finally, you can’t keep your eyes open any longer, and you’re pulled into a calm sleep. You hope that when you wake up, everything will be okay. And it will be. Because it always is with Spencer.

Thank you for reading! <3

Feedback is very much appreciated!

My requests are open!

🪻

#spencer reid #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x bau!reader #spencer reid angst #spencer reid hurt/comfort #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #🪻📖#🪻🐝

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bookishjules · 2 days ago

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kanej is a ship that truly feels beyond words. like how do i express what they do to me. where do i even start.

after the night when everything went awry in crooked kingdom, when they were ambushed from three different directions.. the way nina describes the look shared between kaz an inej like finding the shore after a shipwreck.. there's something so unbelievably powerful and quintessentially kanej about that image. again and again we see them pull each other out of the water. i mean it's literally inej's voice or presence that brings kaz to shore when he's drowning, both in water and in bodies. it's also kaz who offers inej a not only a ship to go out onto the sea, but also a dock at his land to return to, both physically at the end and metaphorically before the story even starts. they are each other's shore.

and the way kaz has learned solid land to be a weakness, as a person represented by a city on stilts on marshes and canals, the way he sees it not just for himself facing inej, but the way he tries to remove the land that he is from inej, too? the way he pulls back to the horizon to save her in theory, but she just keeps swimming toward him because she's not as good as he believes, and he's not as bad. and what they are is helpless when it comes to each other.

and god the opposition between that helplessness and the demons they carry. alexa play demons by imagine dragons. they may fall together like water down a hill, but once they are together, it takes so much will and strength and love and determination to climb up onto the surf. and i could write essays about the bathroom bandage scene alone, but the distinction between kaz's black gloves and inej's black hair, the way one looks like a dead animal and the other looks like an inkspill, a gilded icon, something alive that draws attention and breath. and the naked hands between them.. that image is exactly the point. inej to kaz is life, just as he is to her, but neither of them is going to ask the other to pretend the deep sea death they were saved from stopped existing, they'll just offer land for them to swim to.

and every single bit of that holds an incredible amount of weight in my heart. i don't know how anyone could not become obsessed with them.

#all this talk of water and the shore and i didn't even mention jordie #i didn't want to make it too long tho and that thought whole thing really deserves its own post #kanej #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #soc #six of crows #crooked kingdom #grishaverse #jules talks (and talks)

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lexicorp · 19 hours ago

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Exactly^^

So much of these sorta things are incredibly nuanced, and not so clearly cut. (And the thing that can be even more frustrating in the fandom is when they apply the grey area redemption experience opportunity to one but not the other in the fucked up cycle- especially if it's the initial abuser who gets it, like that's so indicative of bullshit like that irl)

Getting that exposure to people who don't coincide with that narrowed lens of perception that isolation tactics very often present when someone is manipulated and other abuse--is just so important to improvement/recovery. Because it breaks that warped reality to affirm that the generalized negatively isn't accurate. That there are people like Arcane and Optimus. Because it's just so easy to get it stuck in your head in this suffocating string of memories that leads to assumptions and anxiety that invoke those things like "I can't say this because they'll think I'm weak/stupid, or it won't matter anyway to say it so what's the point?" iiiiiiit sucks.

I love your points analyzing the Starcane lore cuz it's just so fascinating the dichotomy of him recognizing in part that she's safe (thus engaging in "dangerous behavior" he'd avoid with Megatron), while /still/ being battle ready at any little sign of a threat between them. And how all the intricacies psychologically are processed are so fascinatingly fragged up- cuz it's so hard to break that cycle, and you need someone really patient there for it.

And that is really what I love about writing this sorta stuff is that even if there are so many bad ending situations irl where the person isn't able to get better, where they perpetually self destruct no matter what anyone does, we can seize that control to create the good ending to give that hope that the struggle is possible to get through. Which is why I want a canon focus on Starscream lore approached like this so damn bad.

Also man the thing of someone who you know talks shit coming up being all fake niceties is so dang triggering. Honestly that flavor of reaction is Star and IDW redeemed Megs to me, cuz like--

The salt and just instinctual reflex built upon past disaster is just so palpable

I love the note on "But once the storm calms, everyone's hurt", cuz damn does it encapsulate it all so well. No one ever really wins.

And honestly, I def feel that inclination to exploring the family dynamics a bunch, even if, or especially if, we ain't gonna touch it irl. Cuz approaching things fictionally, is far easier to process, far safer. Least that's what I've found. Hell, the majority of any of my social competency has been built on analysis and research/observations of fictional characters (or true crime-).

And man, those contrasting concepts of seeing the kids as warriors and having that urge to raise them to "be like him" (born a lot from thinking they need to be tough and drawing from how he was made to be so), while also having that underlying knowledge that it was fragged up, and that he doesn't want them to go through what he did. That is just one example of all the types of ways that can create those internal conflicts and confusions that in turn lead to lashing out in different ways, because most of the time it's hella hard to put our feelings and motivations into words, and even more difficult to be sure the answers we give are actually correct. Cuz boy to we know that Decepticon lies to himself- and it's all about feeling in control

Then the doge vs cat struggles geez it rlly just does just come out so much in those moments of frustration. And that regret and reflection on it afterward is something that's just so much /ow/ and guilt and yet, our brains are gonna have the reflex come out yet again when triggered. Its often navigating the aftermath of the inevitable I find is what rlly needs to be shown. Cuz preventative strategies are all great in theory, but for those times when you can't catch it, or don't hear it until after it comes out, what then? And when emotions are really fragging hard already, that part feels impossible.

[Star too having that thought towards Arcane and the kids or Optimus that they're weak/vulnerable and the "I can take advantage of that" controlling nature is so where the spiral falling into the cycle starts. Cuz the want to be on top after having been on the bottom is so real. Its just like that thing of wanting to get them back or eye for an eye of seeking satisfaction/release from the pent up frustration. And even feeling justified mirror behavior cuz the other person got away with it.]

i need to see more starop where starscream is having trouble breaking the cycle, so he falls back into his old habits.

one of the most difficult parts about breaking the cycle of abuse is trying your hardest to not repeat the behaviors your abuser imprinted on to you. speaking from experience, it can be very hard when you enter a healthy relationship and find yourself thinking like your abuser.

so imagine, starscream finally joins the autobots. by some unfortunate circumstance, they lose an important battle. optimus encourages his team, but privately, he retreats to somewhere isolated to think. starscream finds him and asks what he's doing.

when optimus admits that he's disappointed in himself for not doing the best he could on the battlefield, starscream finds himself scoffing. "well, maybe we wouldn't be in the position if you'd done a better job to begin with," he grumbles, his voice slowly escalating. "i thought you were supposed to be some great leader. or is your reputation all a myth? because of you, now the decepticons have the advantage, and we're one step closer to losing this war!" outraged that optimus hasn't said anything, he shouts, "are you even listening to me, prime?!"

when optimus turns his helm to look up, starscream is spooked by what he sees. he doesn't see the face of someone about to drop to his knees and beg for mercy. instead, the look in his normally lively blue optics can best be described as haunted, almost dead, but clinging onto the last shreds of life.

the realization hits starscream like enemy fire. his voice box shorts out as he trips over his own words, trying to take them back. one thought comes to mind, and he knows optimus is thinking it, too.

i sound like megatron.

#starscream #transformers #megatron #starcane #psychology ass lore #sometimes rlly hate how i can comprehend it at a distence and yet cant seem to fix anything with my own shit #tfw im writing this at almost 4am #mental health where #not here baybee

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goawaypopup · 1 day ago

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Look Outside Posting Part 5.5

Something fishy is going on around here. Hold onto your asses, this is going to be my most earth-shattering theory yet.

The blue people are few, but they are present just about everywhere, and they're unmistakable when they're still human. Papineau. Xaria. Jeanne. Possibly Mutt (who's bluer in his overworld sprite). A suspicious number of blue mutants.

I don't think this can be wholly attributed to lighting or artstyle. The lighting is a little bluer in the hallway, for instance, but people who aren't blue are still not blue there when the door is opened. In the overworld, blue party members are still that color. The difference is pretty stark in the scenes where blue and nonblue people are side by side.

Take Claire as an example - she's partially blue, found in the same place as Jean-Pierre, and her not-blue patches are the same tone as him, but he isn't blue in the slightest.

What's more, it can't be a Visitor thing at all. Papineau and Xaria are not witnesses. Everybody finds it totally unremarkable and not worth commenting on - except, crucially, for Roaches, who sees fit to call Papineau "bIG BluE mAN". They can all see it, it's just NORMAL.

Okay. People can just be blue in Look Outside world. Why not? I mean, the astronomers have pretty unusual eye colors. It's just a thing that happens, I guess.

......but like, why?

I'm sure we can figure this out. Let's see now...

Blue skin is not unheard of in the real world, though it's waaay less common than "multiple normalized instances per apartment building".

The first way this has been known to happen is methemoglobinemia, a condition that's famously associated with the Blue Fugates, a Kentucky family from the 1800s who carried multiple copies of the gene for it.

With this condition, you produce a lot of methemoglobin - a faulty version of hemoglobin that incorporates iron ions in a different state than they're supposed to be, making it unable to bind to oxygen and do its job. The blood of someone with high methemoglobin is brownish, and the skin can take on a blue tone. Levels higher than that also cause adverse symptoms like headaches, seizures, and poor coordination.

This is unlikely to be the culprit, though. The last "blue" Fugate ceased to be blue in the 1900s, as by then they weren't as isolated and were getting medical care that cleared up their symptoms. Even if the gene was extremely common in Look Outside, the medication that treats it is readily available. The striking blue skin tone also seems to mostly happen with white people, and it wouldn't look anywhere near as noticeable with the majority POC residents of the apartment.

The other real-world possibility is something like argyria.

Pictured here is Paul Karason, a man best known for his extensive use of colloidal silver, an alternative medicine, in the belief that it treated a variety of health conditions. He's the most famous example of this condition, having taken it for about two decades.

Silver compounds are pretty harmless as far as we know, but taking them long-term causes them to be build up in deposits in the skin, gradually shifting it to a blue-grey.

It being a common individual choice in the setting would make some sense, and the gradual build-up would explain why some like Claire and Papineau aren't totally blue yet. (It might also mean Monty has it too, as he's sort of mildly bluish-grey?) Depending on the cultural context for it, I could see that being something Papineau would do as a traditional thing or for similar "health" reasons, and Xaria and Monty might do as a counterculture thing.

I don't think we have enough to say it's this one specific substance, of course. The shade doesn't really match exactly, Xaria is awfully young to have been taking colloidal silver for years, and I don't think there's any other signs that Look Outside was some kind of alternate timeline prior to the cataclysm.

But I do think the mechanism, normalized use of some substance that builds up in the skin, goes some way toward a possible explanation here.

#look outside #look outside game #analysis #theory #blue people #they haunt me

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maxdibert · 2 days ago

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I know that the fact we don't meet any of Lily's friends outside of the marauders is more like a plot hole. But if we consider it canon that she had no other friends, it does make me wonder... Maybe Severus was her only real friend, even with all the dysfunction. After all, he's the only one who seems to remember her outside of being James' wife and Harry's mother. She may have been popular, with many people around who liked her, but no one who really understood her at a deeper level. And yeah, Severus put Lily on a pedestal, but they were real friends at one point, when they were kids and things were simpler. And I'm sure that mattered for something.

Oh, but I don’t think Severus truly understood Lily on a deeper level by the time they stopped being friends, because he never really grasped what it was about him that upset her so much. Not that I particularly blame him. Lily wasn’t any better in that regard. She never really understood what was going on with Severus either, or why he behaved the way he did.

And something I find both very curious and very realistic is that neither of them really wanted to understand. Because it didn’t suit either of them to do so. Severus couldn’t afford to confront his cognitive dissonance, he didn’t want to face the idea that the people who had accepted him, given him a safe place at Hogwarts, and offered him some hope for the future, might actually be awful or fundamentally incompatible with having any sort of relationship with someone like Lily. But at the same time, Lily wasn’t interested in questioning why Severus had ended up where he did, or how the people she surrounded herself with (the Gryffindors, mainly) — the ones she defended — had actually played a fairly significant role in Severus’s radicalisation.

Lily didn’t want to consider that the boys who saw her as the pretty girl, the potential girlfriend, the popular darling, might well have been absolute pieces of shit, just as Severus didn’t want to consider that his housemates might be the same. Because Lily enjoyed the attention, and Severus needed the security. Neither of them truly understood each other at the time, even though, in truth, their choices made a certain amount of sense.

That aside, of course Severus was her childhood friend — and really, out of everyone at Hogwarts, he was the one who had known her before she became Lily the popular girl, Lily the teachers’ favourite, Lily the object of James Potter’s obsession. He knew her beyond being someone’s girlfriend, someone’s wife, someone’s mother; he knew her as a person.

Whether she had other close friends, I don’t know, because, as @lilithofpenandbook pointed out in another post, it doesn’t even seem like she was truly close to Mary Macdonald. I mean, she’s mentioned as an example, but Lily always refers to her by her full name, and you don’t usually talk about your close friends like that. You don’t mention a friend’s name and surname when speaking to someone who supposedly knows who you’re talking about, it’s ridiculous. And even if it wasn’t someone particularly close, if you’re always hanging around with someone, people will know exactly who you mean just by the first name. So it doesn’t really seem like Lily and Mary were actually that close, and beyond her, there’s no one else mentioned apart from James’s friends.

You can be popular without having any real friends or meaningful connections to anyone, and it does feel like that was a bit the case with Lily. Or at least it seems that way, and I’ll always insist it’s absolutely ridiculous that we know even the names of James’s parents, but we know virtually nothing about Lily’s family. All we know comes from Severus’s memories, and the tiny scraps we get about her home life come from Petunia’s comments. And, ironically enough, in both cases, they’re relationships Lily herself cut off. Even more ironic is that James was indirectly involved in both of those breakages.

#lily evans #lily evans potter #lily potter #platonic snily #snily analisys #severus snape #lily evans meta #lily evans analisys #petunia evans #petunia dursley #james potter #mary macdonald #marauders era

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synthient · 1 day ago

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If Aliss has been alone for 15 days, then she shouldn't still have an unhealed scratch on her arm from when she fell and scraped it in the chaos. Self harm? (And more mirroring?)

The captain was 14 when she left home and joined the forces. Ruby's biomom was 15 when she had her. I assume we're framing the 1st Doctor as a teen (grand)parent by association

Belinda and Mo are casually chatting in front of Aliss without their screens on. We get a shot of Aliss looking anxiously back and forth between them, struggling to read their lips in profile. When Belinda finally looks at Aliss to include her in the conversation ("Have you ever heard of-"), that's when the entity appears for the first time. As some sort of symbol of her resentment/sense of exclusion?

Aliss jumps up, says "Look at me! I'm all clean!" and does a 360 twirl. The soliders flinch and raise their guns, but nothing happens. Does this indicate she has some level of control over the flinging-people power? Or at least that she knows exactly how long someone can be behind her back before it kicks in?

It seems like there might be a pattern where people catch glimpses of the entity at the moments where Aliss's irritation or anger bleeds through? She's definitely putting on a performance of not knowing what happened/what's on her back, and she seems to be playing up the "I just want to go home" thing at least a little for sympathy. Is one of the themes here the performance she has to give of the good, sympathetic, grateful disabled person, and the consequences when she lets her real frustrations show?

Pointed shot of Rogue's ring as the Doctor enhances the "we don't know what it is!" clip. This leads into his realization - "Oh, my old, old head!" Where did the radiation come from, he asks? The planet's star is burnt out, but it used to be an Xtonic star. The Doctor is a star, and a star that's collapsed = a "burnt out" time lord? I'm also reminded of the Psychedelic Sun that turned the Meep evil (another Master mirror).

The soldiers try to form a circle around Aliss to see what's behind her. She pleads with them to stop, but doesn't, say, back up against a wall. When asked "or what?" her face hardens.

Just as the first soldier steps behind her, Aliss grimaces a little, then winces at the scream. She's not thrilled about this, but she's not shocked or horrified either

"Don't go behind Aliss!" "Please don't turn your back on me!" The power kicks in when you enter the point in Aliss's field of vision where she absolutely can't see what you're doing or read your lips. Maybe this isn't some instrinsic "rule" of the entity...but the entity reacting to her emotions about people "going behind her back"? (The thing everyone keeps literally and metaphorically doing?)

"Something came out of the well, and now it's behind me. And they said it was laughing." This is more Master/untempered schism mirroring btw

Belinda is the one who lays out the points on a clock theory. Could Aliss and/or the entity have started following those rules based on her theory? (her narrative? her investment of meaning?) Is that why the 360 turn earlier didn't do anything?

Doomed Soldier Guy declares that they should kill the entity. It's possible that Aliss is so intertwined with the entity that you can't kill one without killing the other. When she says "because if you kill me, it goes behind you," is that a "rule"? Or an improvised self defense?

"And I met something so vile. It had no face. No name. No self." The Doctor has no (consistent) face, no ("real") name, no (fixed) self. Natch the Master. This is still about the Doctor hating what he sees in the mirror

"Clearly bodies have been broken by some kinetic force, manipulated either by Fenly, or by something in collusion with, or in control of her." Doomed Soldier Guy may be an idiot, but he's also right lol

"Either we disprove this story, or we meet the enemy." It's all about the story that's being crafted around these events, and proven or disproven

The power activates again not at the moment we see the volunteer step behind her, but at the moment we see Doomed Solider Guy step directly in front of Aliss. His pose suggests that he was going to shoot through her to get to the entity

The resulting massacre is edited chaotically enough that it's not always clear how people are getting behind her back (whether they moved there or she turned slightly), or even if they were directly behind her. This probably mirrors the characters' experience - they assume The Rule is being followed, but in all the chaos, how could they be sure? Then the captain tells Aliss to turn 180 - finally giving her "permission" to weaponize it against the guy who actually threatened her

"But...it's not my fault." "I know," the Doctor says. Aliss nods a little too eagerly, and her expression looks more like she's assessing whether he believes her

"I'm sorry. You're contaminated." "You are diseased," is what the Master got when the time lords refused to take him to safety with them. "But...my daughter!" Missy's daughter, the My Daughter Died And I Forgot arc, etc

The Doctor says "she's not leaving this planet. Not with that thing," and Aliss actually rolls her eyes mid sob. I think another element here is the idea that Aliss isn't neatly separable from her shadow self, her negative emotions, her willingness to kill if it's the only way out of here - but it's easier for the Doctor, if he can draw a hard line between the sympathetic victim and the monster

"Don't turn your back on me. Please don't turn your back on me." Apart from everything else, if that's not the Master @ the Doctor...

When the Doctor tries to address "the thing behind Aliss Fenly...my old friend," we keep getting shots of Aliss's confusion and then exasperation. Again, there's no neatly divisible thing behind me - you're talking to me. I am your friend.

"It knows my name." And the Doctor smiles as he cries. If the entity is a mirror - of Aliss, and now of the Doctor - then he's talking to himself. He's seeing what he wants to see: that the monster is still his old friend, still knows him more intimately than anyone else.

And that, of course, is when the Doctor realizes that "the way out" is to use a mirror

He switches from talking to Aliss to the thing behind her again - "you stone cold murderer" - and Aliss gives a wry smile.

"What if the thing behind you...is you?" YES. IT IS.

"It broke all the mirrors," so they assume mirrors are the Secret Kryptonite. Aliss broke all the mirrors. Days after the massacre. She still had the open wound from the mirror shards. She didn't want to look at herself.

Aliss smiles just before the "mirror" closes behind her. And then the kinetic force gives her a nice gentle shove forward into the Doctor's arms, so they can all run away together.

And as people have already noticed: Aliss mouths "thank you" to the Doctor from the airlock, her eyes are dead, the lights on her helmet are out, and the wrong number of people are on the monitor.

imo, I don't think this indicates Aliss was "just" possesed, or dead all along - anymore than the Master is.

There's a kinetic force blast just after Aliss leaves. This is the point where maybe another entity has made itself known? Or maybe Aliss just took one small piece of the entity with her, and the rest of it was still there? Or...as long as there's still someone left to look in the mirror (so to speak), a new entity can still be born from their reflection (give form to their shadow self, their darkest impulses)?

Mo is the first to insist that "It's not me." Belinda can hear the whispers, so they assume it's her...but the Doctor could hear the whispers from Aliss's shadow. The whispers were probably it trying to birth a new shadow from his psyche - that's how it knew his name. Belinda only heard Mo's shadow whispering.

(I think Mo's reaction shots in this scene also imply that she secretly suspects it's her, and she's staying quiet/letting Belinda take the fall out of fear)

And everything from that point on is pointless. They assume the answer is self harm - shooting Belinda, the captain killing herself. Aliss self harmed, and it didn't help. You can't carve your shadow self out of you, can't kill yourself into not having a dark side.

...Not that that's gonna stop the Doctor from trying 😜🤙

#(sorry for the color coding lol. think that was the biggest discovery here & it'd get lost in the wall of text otherwise)#doctor who #the well #doctor who spoilers

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