#and whatever else we're calling it these days
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buddie-buddie · 8 months ago
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Buck wakes with a strangled gasp, visions of the scenes he’d just seen in his fitful sleep still vivid and chilling as they flash behind his tear-filled eyes. 
His breath comes in ragged, uneven gasps as he blinks his way into consciousness and tries to shake off the nightmare that still has its claws sunk deep into his racing heart.
“Shh.” There’s a warm, familiar voice in his ear, thick and heavy with sleep. Everything settles. Buck’s breath comes a little easier, the rapid rise and fall of his chest evening out as he registers the warm, grounding weight of Tommy’s arms around him.  
When he was a kid, his nightmares looked a little different. Instead of 100-foot waves and snipers in broad daylight, he used to see monsters and ghosts. When he was older, he had a recurring nightmare of a man who looked a lot like Doug dragging his sister away kicking and screaming. He used to slip out of his bed and shuffle down the carpeted hallway to Maddie’s room, where she’d wake up to the creak of the door and the triangle of light bleeding into the dark room and say, “Evan? What is it?” 
He’d sit on the side of her bed and she’d take his hand in hers and ask him what he wanted to dream of instead. He’d say riding our bikes or the ice cream truck or building sand castles at the beach and Maddie would fold his still-shaky fingers down to lock the good dream in and she’d ruffle his hair and send him back to bed feeling lighter and safer and loved. 
It’s different now, but somehow still the same. 
He still drifts back to sleep feeling calm and safe and grounded. Only instead of Maddie tucking good dreams into the palm of his clammy hand, he has Tommy pressing kisses into his hair and whispering promises against the shell of his ear. It’s different, but it’s good. 
It’s so fucking good.
It’s good even now, as Buck’s breath catches on a shaky inhale, a tiny whimper slipping past his lips.
Even if he tried, he couldn’t find the words to explain the sick and twisted things he just saw in his dreams, nor could he get them out past the lump in his throat. But he doesn’t try and Tommy doesn't expect him to, doesn’t ask him to relive the worst moments of his life for the second time in one night. Buck’s already made the introductions between Tommy and the ghosts still so intent on haunting him.
Tommy knows that on the nights they come back around, Buck would rather be held. He would rather be reminded that he’s here and he’s alive and that it all didn’t end on the pier that day, beneath the ladder truck that night. That his heart started to beat again in the eighteenth second of the third minute, that he came back. And that he’s not alone. 
Tommy shushes him again, warm and reassuring. “S’okay, baby.” 
His arms tighten around Buck’s waist, pulling him back against his chest with a sleepy, contented hum. He mumbles something into the side of Buck’s neck that Buck can’t quite make out, yet understands perfectly when followed by the gentle, almost reverent press of Tommy’s lips to the side of his jaw. 
Hot tears prick at the backs of Buck’s eyes, and he’s not sure if they’re a product of the nightmare or the fact that, even in his sleep, Tommy shows up for him. 
Tommy always shows up for him. Physically, sure– Buck will never forget the sight of him all but tearing through the hospital doors, sooty and sweaty and smiling, despite the bone-deep ache that comes from sixteen hours on the scene of a fire. But emotionally, too. 
He’s levity when Buck needs it and sincerity when he doesn’t. He’s generous with his affection and even more so with his praise. He’s a steady, grounding force, an anchor in the sand when Buck starts to feel unmoored, when the waves get too high and it all gets to be just a bit too much. He’s patient and charming and kind and he’s such a nerd. And he’s aware and attentive in ways that still make Buck’s heart swell and his chest ache. 
It’s like he has a sixth sense, how he’s so tuned into Buck, how he always seems to know what it is Buck wants, what it is Buck needs. He knows just what to say, just what to do. Even now, half asleep. Tommy shows up for him. Always. In all ways. And Buck could cry about it. 
No, scratch that. 
Buck will cry about it. He tries blinking the tears back, but it’s no use. They’re heavy and hot as they roll down his cheeks. Tommy’s voice is still deep and gravelly, thick with sleep as he holds Buck close and murmurs, “I got you.”
He hasn’t said it yet, but Buck knows. He knows. He feels it deep in the marrow of his bones and in the warmest corners of his soul. He hasn’t said it yet, but he will. 
Buck can hear it in the silence that settles over them just before they drift off to sleep, tangled up in each other’s arms. He can feel it in the moments between slow, steady heartbeats as they move around Tommy’s tiny kitchen, cooking breakfast and swapping coffee-laced kisses and stories from their shifts. He can see it in the warmth of Tommy’s smile and the fondness in his eyes any time he walks into a room. He can feel it in the reverence with which Tommy touches him, the way he says his name like a prayer and a promise all at once. 
Which is why, just as much as he knows that he loves Tommy, Buck knows that when he does say it, Tommy will say it back. 
also on ao3
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comfortlesshurt · 4 months ago
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annnnnddddd, 40k in 42 days is officially finished at 67k in 42 days!
shoutout to today's piece for seven songs of suffering for pushing out that last 1.8k, but also my god, I was not meant to draft and edit same day. so if you spot anything stupid in this fic, you have got to tell me
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selvepnea · 1 year ago
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Thinking about. That one post about art. And how it's never good enough. Since you're the one that made it. And how. It might relate to how I view myself?
#Sel talks#Like. Do I like the idea of a masculine body because I think it will make me less me?#I keep thinking about a line from “in stars and time” talking about. How maybe they changed because it was easier than learning to love#Himself as he was.#Keep thinking about something my therapist said last session. About how he would hope there's more restriction around accessing trans#Health-care than there is about getting a medical Marijuana card#And even if it comes from a place of good intent; is still a harmful idea?#I keep forgetting how much importance cis people put on transitioning. And it's just. Not? For me?#My body is just another form of expression for me to form and play with. And I feel like it might be hard to try and get someone who's#Not thought a lot about gender to understand.#I don't really want to lable it as “transitioning” either. My isat brainrot is wanting me to call it “Changing”; bit I'm not sure if that's#Quite accurate either. Like. We don't have a word for playing with different styles of clothes? Why do I need one for messing w other types#Of presentation?#Sigh...#I'm soooo tempted to just go on t and not do anything else. No name change. No sex change. And not tell anyone.#Why do I need to take into consideration how much my decision weighs on other people?#I feel like I've gotten too many reminders that “tomorrow's not promised” or “How we spend our days is how we spend our lives”#“Don't live wondering” or whatever that old lesbian slogan was. “We're all going to die so who cares if it's a waste”? Some will wood song#I'm listening to. I just.#Why am I waiting for the perfect opertunity to transition? Or change or whatever.#I've always considered my want to masculinise as me taking “be the change you want to see” either too far or too literally#I want to see men in dresses!! And if no one else around here is going to do it I guess that falls on me!#Why must I follow everyone else's path to t?? I want to make my own!#Grrr barkbark#I feel so underequiped to change the world; why must I do it?? Can't it just change for me??
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vanweezer · 9 months ago
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so glad easter weekend is fucking over so i dont have to see everyone xtianity posting until maybe december. fuck off i don't know bible holidays
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kangaracha · 1 year ago
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wouldn't expect a lot of queenmaker until ~christmas time, which is not what i would like to say but my body is just telling me to ease up after november and i'm hitting that pre-holiday slump so we're just chillin. we're playing a game for the first time in six months. we're doing a puzzle. my eyes are really blurry rn so i think i'll go to bed.
#i did manage to sit down and do a lot of planning for queenmaker specifically though#had a good chat with zom mom about pacing and stuff#i say 'ease up' like i haven't added more projects/tasks to the list#i've just half started looking at planning and editing rather than writing like crazy#picked up daily korean practice again#added my novel back to my wip list#we're now working on the basis of 'every time i hate my job and i want a new career i write 1k of my novel'#whatever works#this is a lot of tags for someone with very blurry eyes#the game thing actually doesn't help with physical illness my tv is too small and it just makes my eyes strain really hard#one day someone is going to give me the gs i'm owed and i'll get to buy a new one#technically i saved for a new tv six months ago my savings are just tied up in an offshore account called Someone Else's Pockets#these tags have gotten way out of hand#i just wanted to talk about my life idk#been too busy to talk to my friends about life? post it in the tumblr tags#anyway i'm sure z m or keeps or someone is all the way down here#Roundup!#queenmaker has like 16 chapters plotted#none of chapter 5 written but i'm definitely. looking at starting it.#nevermore i wrote 500 words#haven't looked at it in a week#know exactly where it goes so if i'm not stuck i'm circling back within a month#pirates is ongoing most nights#however i don't know what the scene by scene play is so#very much Just Vibing i added what i will call the cake scene today because i was emotional about an uneaten piece of cake from a month ago#so that's where pirates and my mental health are at#damn this is a full life update huh#systems check#heart (the novel) is truly at 100k now#i figured out the holes in the first part of it so i can actually connect all these dots now
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todayisafridaynight · 2 years ago
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SO! I've wanted to talk about The Clip all day but felt like I should wait until the tumblr "premiere" (even though I think you were literally one of the first people to see it on Twitter lol). Thank you for defending my honor btw even if I am just Someone <3
But. Yes. Yeah. Yokoyama's absolute certainty in saying that??? Without anything to even buffer it? No maybe. No "don't expect too much." Just point-blank in front of a huge fan (whom I believe he's now going to be working with), a staff member, and a massive audience. As if that part isn't the matter of contention. I WILL be injecting those words directly into my veins for some time.
I was on the verge of choking and/or spewing blood and/or crying before posting it though lol, so I really appreciate the vote of confidence regarding the translation and I love your redraw! The reception as a whole has been really nice, although I wish people would keep it to themselves if they'd rather have Nishiki or Ryuji back or whatever. Not like it's a race, but even if it was, Mine's been in last place for ages lol.
And while I enjoy Y3's writing more than most, Mine's death wasn't some Grand Meaningful Statement, it was the decision of a fledgling studio that never knew if it would be able to keep making these games trying to tell a self-contained story. It did have far-reaching consequences for the series, but those consequences are also... not really relevant anymore?
Like, I can and have argued that Mine's death caused the fall of the Tojo Clan, but the clan has already fallen. So I don't see why some people are acting like revisiting his character would be A Spit In The Face to the saga somehow, but I guess I've never really been against characters being brought back...? A quote from the staff that's always stuck with me from the staff is that RGG is always going for RGG-ism, not realism.
Ranting aside... I honestly don't know if I should be saying this, but there's this new guy working the counter at Survive in some LaD8 behind the scenes footage. Now, upfront, I'm 99.8% sure it's not Mine (I happen to have a 100% accuracy rate so far identifying major RGG characters from extremely blurry images and silhouettes lmao), and I have no idea who it is, whether it's a new character or an old one heavily redesigned or Just Some Guy.
But he's not Kashiwagi. And he happens to have slicked-back dark brown hair with what appears to be an ahoge in some angles. And, unless the materials are temporary, he also dresses A Lot Like the celebrity Mine's design was based on. And his features... line up closely enough to piss me off, even though they don't fully match in the end, which is why I don't think it's him.
I'm in argumentative essay mode 100% of the time which is why I'm saying this in a "convincing" tone despite literally not believing it myself, but like... wouldn't that be something? To just have Mine part-timing at Survive or whatever and no one makes a big deal of it because they don't know any better? If nothing else, I really do think he should get The Bartender Treatment.
I dunno, I might post about it with a comparison tomorrow because it's been on my mind lately, especially with The News, but I really don't want people to get the wrong idea either. Or embarrass myself if it was too tenuous of a link to look that deeply into from the start lol
I remember seeing it two minutes after you posted it, so I can imagine I was one of the first to the scene of the crime (so my friends put it LMAO). AND OF COURSE I- and a lot of us- can't be any more grateful for all the work you do than we already are. I'd go insane trying to document and manage everything you do! especially when you have insane people like me ready to pounce on the smallest thing like I know I'd cry FJLKAJ The least I can do is give a proper title/credit to you when I can o7
If Yokoyama had any remaining hesitance about Mine being alive, then he REALLY would have fumbled by sounding so certain. Like in his old tweet, he certainly sounded more ambiguous, but this time he really had no extra notes and sounded more sure of himself. I won't expect RGG to do anything with Mine, but the concept is still very much exciting and the idea that Yokoyama almost seems earnest about the idea of bringing Mine back for whatever reason is very nice to know :] And thank you about enjoying the art I did! I can't lie in the slightest, since the last ask where you alluded to posting the clip, I had that drawing saved in the back of my head ready to make once you had that posted LMAO
But oohh not to touch drama since I generally try to Not touch it, but yeah I can't act like I haven't seen some people be. ""Interesting"" about the idea of Mine being alive. I won't dive too deep into it, but I think my major issue with the few grievances I've seen is that RGG hasn't done anything with Mine's alive status. As of right now, it's just a thing Yokoyama said, so I don't understand the need to be so angry about it (it's especially weird to say Ryuji hasn't been back when he not only got to be a playable protagonist in Dead Souls, but he was also the protagonist of RGGO- though I suppose I can understand wanting him in the mainline series again. Still, it's weird to act as though Mine's back any more than he is and being upset about it just because Yokoyama said he was alive)...
Moving on though, I'm really curious as to this 'mystery figure' you mean. I've been missing out on LaD8 production material, so I haven't seen this bit myself but I'd love to take a stab at it and analyze myself too. I agree though: if Mine does come back- whether he's working at Survive or anywhere else- I would greatly prefer if he had The Bartender status and was just never really called attention to and only existed in the background
#long post#snap chats#it'd be hilarious if mine came back and he was just there... just slap glasses o him and call it a day#like pleeaaasssee that'll be so funnyy if he does come back in LaD8 i dont want a dramatic reveal or whatever#i want the exact same shit like with kashiwagi just have the gang like. visit daigo and co at the security company#and the bitch at the front desk You Wouldnt Fucking Believe It Oh My God#i'd laugh so loud oh my god pleaaase yokoyama do it. you should also make ryuji just a random takoyaki salemen in 8#just so we're covering our bases here because im a ryuji-just-sells-octopus-balls truther#oh but on Mine's Death Fucked With The Tojo i definitely support the notion that he was a huge. Forgive The Pun asset to it#like i guess there's a lot of speculation and suggestions- at least on my end- when it coems to mine's importance#i mean we KNOW he was incredibly impotrant financially if katsuragi was anything to go off of#and listen ik i make the Widow Daigo joke a lot but geniunely i can imagine if daigo lost someone close to him he wouldnt be 100%#liiiiikkee i'll reserve the rant/ramble for my Daigo Essay but im just saying it cant be easy running a ship on your own with no real peers#yk cause pretty much everyone was older than him or only there for an ulterior motive and Blah Blah ill save the rest for another day#im rambling as is LMAO and i dont wanna say anythin FOOLISH#but yeah on mine coming back tho i dont think itd really tarnish any kind of thing his death could have done#like he died. or 'died'. 15 years ago (at the time of 2024)#the tojo's long gone by then it's been gone for five years at that point so it's not like mine would just Resume As Usual#he'd be starting over just as much as the other tojo clan members are yk what i mean#like i really cant think of. what else mine's death has done for the franchise that wolud be 'undone' if he was back#so yk. Why Not. it'd be funny and i think that's the only thing that matters ☠️ my dedication to the bit lets me forgive Insane Shit LMAO#but thats enough blabbering from meeeee thank you for writing in !
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sachermorte · 9 months ago
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so the thing about english is that people think it's so divorced from other germanic languages based on like. words. I've even heard people try to insist that english is a romance language. because of that whole messy business in 1066 with out-of-wedlock willy and his band of naughty normans. and now a good chunk of the vocabulary is french or whatever and they're prestigious so not using them makes you sound like a rube and this and that and the other
and yes william the conqueror will never be safe from me. I will have my revenge on him. he fucked up a perfectly good germanic language is what he did. this will be me in hell
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but the thing is that most words in, say, german do have a one to one english equivalent. not all hope is lost, for those who still dare to see it. it's just that you 1066pilled normancels aren't looking in the right place
dog (en) ≠ der Hund (de) but der Hund (de) -> hound (en)
look with your special eyes. that one was easier. not all of them are this intuitive because of semantic narrowing and broadening and waltzing and hokey-pokeying and whatever else. I'll give you a few more
animal (en) ≠ das Tier (de)
aha! you think. I've got him on the ropes now.
but then
das Tier (de) -> deer (en)
nooooo!! you whine and cry in gay baby jail. the consonants are different!!! listen to me. listen, I say, putting both my hands on your shoulder. /t/and /d/ are the same sound. you just put your voice behind one of them.
nooooooooo!! you wail. deer are animals but not all animals are deer!!! listen to me. LISTEN. they used to be. animals used to be deer. that's just what we called them. it was a long time ago. it was a weird time in all our lives. it's okay.
let's try for a verb this time
to die (en) ≠ sterben (de) but sterben (de) -> to starve
same principle with the consonants, we're just changing a stop (where we completely stop the airflow and then let it through) for a fricative (where we still let some air go through. idk where it's going. maybe to its job or something.)
to starve used to mean generally to die, not just to die of malnourishment. we do that a lot. we take one word for a lot of things and make it mean one thing. or take one word for one thing and make it mean a lot of things. this is common and normal.
"okay but roland," you say, suddenly coming up with an argument. "what about tree? trees are super common. I don't think we'd fuck around too much with that. the german word is baum! what about THAT?"
"when did you learn german?" I ask, but then decide it isn't relevant right at this very moment. but fine.
tree (en) ≠ der Baum (de) but der Baum (de) -> beam (en)
beam??? you ask incredulously. beam???? BEAM?????? you continue with the same tone and cadence of captain holt from brooklyn 99.
yes. beam. like the evil beams from my eye I'm going to hit you with if you don't stop shouting.
but the vowels!!! you howl.
listen. listen to me. the vowels mean nothing. absolutely nothing. they're fluid like water. it got raised in english.
"WHAT DOES RAISED MEAN"
it doesn't matter right now. they were raised better than you, at least. stop shouting. open your eyes and see what god has given you. they're the same word.
"they're NOT the same word. they mean different things!"
we've been over this. they didn't used to. a beam was (and is) a long solid piece of wood. much like the long solid piece of wood I showed your mother last night.
FAQ:
Q: could english be some kind of germanic-romance hybrid?
A: do you become a sexy thing from the black lagoon just because you dressed up as one for halloween? english may have gotten a lot of vocabulary from norman french, but its history and syntax are distinctly germanic. that's what we base these things on.
Q: okay but what does it matter? this doesn't actually affect my day to day life
A: you come into my house? you come into my house, the house of an autistic man living in vienna austria and studying english linguistics and you ask me what does it matter? sit back down. I was going to let you go but now I have powerpoints to show you
Q: you're stupid and wrong and gay and a bad person
A: I know it's you, Willy
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jinwoosbabyboo · 3 months ago
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My Husband
Calling the LADS Men your husband in public while still in the boyfriends stage. [Requested by: fish-crow-star-snowman]
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Zayne
[Ordering sweets at a bakery]
MC: I'll have six of the macarons and I believe my husband would like the matcha coconut doughnut
Zayne would be shocked hearing those words come out of your mouth. He would eye you up and down before smiling as the butterflies in his stomach went crazy.
Cashier: Will that be all?
Zayne: Yes that is all unless my wife wants anything else
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Rafayel
[Walking around the night market]
Stranger: You're very beautiful. Could I get your number?
MC: *Grabs Rafayel's arm* I'm actually here with my husband
Rafayel: What made you think you were good enough to even look at her?
As soon as the guy walks away Rafayel starts fanboying over the fact that you called him your husband.
Rafayel: You trynna wife me up?
MC: You're supposed to wife me up
Rafayel: I don't know that sounded like a proposal
MC: It wasn't
Rafayel: Don't be shy I'll gladly marry you
MC: I want a divorce
Rafayel: We're not even married yet 😰
MC: Well you talk too much
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Xavier
[Booking a cooking class]
MC,*on the phone*: Yes for two just me and my husband alright see you then thank you
Xavier stopped whatever he was doing and stared at you, slack jawed, with those big blue doe eyes.
Xavier: Your husband?
MC: Yea ... is it a problem that I called you that?
Xavier: N-no I- I like it
MC: Good I'll keep doing it then
Xavier: Does that mean I can .... call you my wife?
MC: I'd like that
Xavier: Good ..... my wife
He chuckles to himself as if the words tingled on his lips. Before you knew it he was picking you up by the waist.
Xavier: My pretty wife
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Sylus
[A day shopping in Linkon]
Cashier: Will that be cash or card?
MC: Oh my husband got it
Sylus says nothing as he swipes his card and grabs your bags from the counter. He doesn't say anything until you're alone in his car.
Sylus: Your husband huh?
MC: Is that not what you want to be?
Sylus: I'll be whatever you allow me to be sweetie
MC: Then you're my husband
Sylus: I'll have the papers drawn up by end of day
MC: What about my ring?
Sylus: You'll get that soon
MC: Why are we skipping steps?
Sylus: If I recall correctly you started it kitten
MC: You’re such a kid sometimes
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jinxs-gf · 4 months ago
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snack thief
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the team x spider!reader
summary: someone is stealing your snacks and you’re going to figure out who.
content, warnings: kind of a crack fic, spider cusses a lot? not proofread
word count: 1.8k
a.n. Aunt May mentioned! who cheered?
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It was peaceful in the confines of Mount Justice. So peaceful it was almost suspicious to the team. They barely get downtime nowadays, something they used to practically beg for. Now all they want is a break.
It's perfect and quiet and peaceful.
Until they hear their friend scream bloody murder.
Spider.
Everyone jumps up, alarmed and ready to fight.
You're in the kitchen holding an empty container, the refrigerator wide open, and looking more stressed out than they've ever seen you. But there was no threat?
The team is still worried but confused. There was no one else in the kitchen with you so...? Why were you screaming? And there was seemingly no spider on the container you were holding, the only creature that could scare you bad enough for you to freak out like this. (You denied this claim again and again, unfortunately they didn't believe you. How embarrassing was that? Spider had arachnophobia? How damaging to your reputation.)
You continue to stare at the container, and your friends have concluded their near heart attack at your cry for help was all for not.
Their shoulders all sag simultaneously, breaths of relief leaving their mouths.
Kaldur is the first to speak, "What has gotten into you, Spider? You scared us all." He does not sound happy.
And if you took the time to look at the rest of your teammates, the annoyance would be evident.
But no. You continued to stare at your stupid container.
"Hello!" - Artemis
"Earth to Spider!" - Robin
"We're not getting any younger over here." - Wally
Roy only sighs, shaking his head, Conner raising a brow beside him, amused for the most part.
M'gann just stands quietly, wondering if she should read your mind without your permission to figure out the problem or not.
"Which one of your imbeciles did this?" Your voice was eerily calm...it was disturbing.
They all shared the same sentiment. What?
You glare in their direction, eyeing each one of your supposed friends carefully.
"One of you is the cause of this," you hold up your empty container. "Someone ate my cookies. I've had the worst day of my life and the only thing that could help was having my precious cookies. Only I get here and they're gone!" Ah. They get it now.
"I'm going to find out which one of you is responsible. And it won't be pretty."
"Uhh why was it in the fridge anyways?"
"Shut it Robin. They’re leftovers. And you’re at the top of my suspect list. You and your little buddy there," you eye Wally.
He squirms in his spot.
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You were grocery shopping for your aunt when you spotted them.
Spider-Person gummies.
You wince, the name Spider-Person did not roll off the tongue correctly. You prefer Spider like the team calls you. Or maybe Arachnid would be cool? Oh well, it's too late now. The name Spider-Person was plastered onto kid's snacks for Pete's sake! There was no coming back from that.
Whatever. You threw it in your basket and immediately opened the box when you got home. Showing off to Aunt May, she was very proud, just like you thought she’d be. Except for when—
"I always thought you'd be known for curing diseases or something, but children’s snacks? This'll do!"
"Hey!" She was joking of course (right?).
And later that day you brought it to the team's kitchen, wanting to show off to them. You didn't want them to eat it of course, it was going to be your post-mission snack. A little pick-me-up.
No one but Red Tornado was there, which was a little weird but it was a rare day off. You'll just come back when everyone is here.
You made sure to stick a post-it on the box of gummies, effectively claiming them yours that shall not be touched.
You hadn't left your snacks alone in the kitchen of Mount Justice since your cookies disappeared a mere week ago.
You still hadn't figured out who the culprit was.
You will. One of these days.
You leave and don't come back until the next day, everyone is there.
"Oh goodie! I have something to show you guys!"
Only you get to the kitchen cabinet, open the box, and...no.
Nonononono
The box of "Spider-Person Gummies" was completely empty.
The box that clearly had your name written with the words "DO NOT EAT!" on the post-it!
You scream like the first time.
"Who did it?!"
The team is a little slower this time around, not trusting your panicked screams after the first incident.
Robin face palms, "Come on spider, it's not that serious."
You gape at him, "Not that serious?! Are you crazy?!" You eye him suspiciously, "it was you, wasn't it?"
"What?! No! I'm just being reasonable here. You can always buy more,” he shrugs, clearly not seeing the bigger picture. Someone is eating your snacks without permission. Deliberately ignoring your name that was written in bold on the post-it stuck to the front. You try a different approach though.
"First of all, I don't exactly come from a background of money. I can't just waste valuable green for some fruit snacks! And second, it was the last box in that section. How do I know they'll be restocked by the time I get back? What if they were there for limited time?!" The thought terrifies you, "oh no."
The team watches you nearly have a breakdown over your gummies "...those snacks are usually less that 10 dollars, Spider."
"And that's too much!"
"You can't be that poor."
"Eh, you'd be surprised."
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It’s a full two weeks of the snack thief’s attacks.
Your spidey senses go off at the two week mark and they lead you to the kitchen.
You gasp.
"You!"
Wally is caught mid slice into the chocolate cake you made for the team, he looks petrified at being caught.
His voice cracks, "what?"
"It's been you! I knew it was you!"
"What! No! You made this for the team, right? That's not fair to pin the blame on me when I have permission to eat this!"
Okay, he's got a point.
"Whatever. You're still at the top of my list."
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You’re in stealth mode with the rest of the team, waiting for your cue to attack.
You communicate through the mind link to keep yourself from boredom, this is gonna take a while.
You decide to bring up the most recent snack attack.
‘I still need to figure out who this snack thief is. They took my leftover brownies this time! The ones May made for me. Do you know how upsetting it was to see the brownies made by my very precious, hardworking Aunt all gone?’
You hoped to weed the rat out through sympathy.
‘Oh...that was yours?’
‘M'gann!’
‘I'm sorry! I didn't know!’
Just then, Kaldur makes your cue to attack. And before you know it, you’re in battle. However, your mind is elsewhere.
The distraction earns you a kick to the face, your spidey senses were screaming but you couldn't be bothered to really care at the moment, too focused on the fact that M'gann admitted to eating your brownies.
She's the snack thief?! But she was at the bottom of your list...
You regret ignoring your senses immediately, that kick was more powerful that you thought it’d be. Definitely going to bruise later.
‘I'm not the snack thief! I just thought Red Tornado left them! Remember? He said he wanted to be more involved with us outside of missions? I swear I know better! You forgot a post-it with your name this time. I'm really sorry, I should've known.’
You sigh, she sounds too sincere for it to truly be her.
‘It's alright, I forgive you. This time. It was my bad anyways.’
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There’s many instances of coincidences as your friends would call it.
Robin caught digging into your chips;
“But you said I could have some!”
“No not those ones! My other chips!”
“Wow, thanks for specifying that.”
Conner caught…eating your candy?!
Conner doesn’t even eat sweets like that, so what changed? Or was that all a ploy? Pretending to not be fond of sweets only to eat yours behind your back…
But his eyes pleaded forgiveness, truth. Damn him.
Roy, Kaldur, and Artemis also had their moments of suspicion.
So who was it?
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You only had one more course of action. You beg May to let her borrow your phone.
“It’s an emergency!”
“An emergency that could last all day? Or more?” She lifts a brow, don’t let her intimidate you, Spider.
“Pleeeaaaase,” you bat your lashes at her.
She can’t resist you. The child she’s come to see as her own. You are hers, no one could tell her otherwise. She sighs, “Don’t know why I even try with you.”
“Thanks May!” You plant a kiss on her cheek, “love you!”
“Whatever kid,” trying not to show disappointment in herself for allowing you to get to her.
Set your phone up in the kitchen cabinet of Mount Justice with your snack. Hit FaceTime with Aunt May’s phone and accept on yours.
There’s no way you don’t catch your thief now.
~~
You wait a good 20 minutes before you’re already tired of your plan.
You groan in annoyance, can they hurry up and attempt to take your snack already?!
It takes another three hours before something happens.
Your spidey senses blare, making you jump from your place on the couch with Artemis and Roy. They look at you like you’re crazy, yeah you were getting used to that.
There’s shuffling on the other end of the call.
Whoever is in the kitchen is toast. You look down at May’s phone.
“You!”
“Uh oh.”
“I knew it! I knew it I knew it I knew it! From the beginning! How could I be so stupid and not listen to my gut?!”
Wally states back at you through the phone screen, eyes wide.
“You lying son of a-”
“Listen, we can talk this out-”
“Put my cookies down! You know damn well my name is written on the box!”
He surrenders, placing the cookies back in its place.
The rest of your team came out to witness this very amusing and long awaited moment.
It was funny, the living room you were in was right next to the kitchen, meaning speaking through the phones was pretty useless. They won’t say anything, lest they catch your attention and get yelled at.
“I’m going to ruin you for what you did, Speedy Bitch.”
Roy hears his code name and it’s enough for him to scare. He holds his hands up, “whoa! What did I do?”
“Not you! Obviously not you!”
You get up from the couch, bolting to your “friend.”
Wally panics, “Someone call Superman! Spider’s gone crazy!” And he books it.
It’s okay. He may be the fastest man alive, but no one messes with a Spider’s food.
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so who’s attending Wally’s funeral? definitely not spider.
this is based off a video I saw, someone’s sibling was on FaceTime w a phone in the cabinet to catch who was eating their snacks 💀 I just HAD to use it
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nightprompts · 2 years ago
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&. 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.
(  happy sunday! here's another assortment of smut / nsfw dialogue prompts but with more explicit language. a dirtier sequel to my other, more subtle, smut prompt list. please do not interact if you are under eighteen. )
❛ you can't expect me to do all the work. i want to see what that pretty mouth of yours can do. ❜
❛ you're mine, and i take care of what belongs to me. ❜
❛ i want to fuck you so badly. ❜
❛ i want you to fuck me so badly. ❜
❛ do you really think you’re in a position to give orders? ❜
❛ please. make me feel good. no one else can like you. ❜
❛ you can call me whatever you want, baby. ❜
❛ be good, and i'll fuck you / let you fuck me. ❜
❛ we're going to fuck right here? what if someone sees us? ❜
❛ that really does make you hard. i can feel you pulsing inside me. ❜
❛ do whatever you want with me, i'm yours. ❜
❛ your body was made for mine. ❜
❛ you keep your hands where they are or i'll tie them up. ❜
❛ you want gentle? wrong fucking address. ❜
❛ have a little trust in yourself, i know you can take it. ❜
❛ it's my thigh or nothing. i'm not helping you get off. ❜
❛ i'm waiting for your permission to let me have my way with you. ❜
❛ i don't care if someone sees us. i need you, now. ❜
❛ i can see you enjoy having the upper hand for once. ❜
❛ you're such a fucking tease, you know that? ❜
❛ let me come in you, please. i want to fill you up. ❜
❛ come in me. i need you to fill me up. ❜
❛ now, i'll ask again, are you going to be good for me? ❜
❛ we both know how much you're going to enjoy this. ❜
❛ i'm sorry, what was that? i can’t hear you over all that noise you’re making. ❜
❛ you can take my clothes off for me. ❜
❛ begging is a good look for you. ❜
❛ i'll take good care of you, i promise. ❜
❛ i'd say you need someone to put you in your place. ❜
❛ so good for me. look how much you came. ❜
❛ i can take care of you. you won't need anyone but me. ❜
❛ it made them hard to see me bleed. just like it's making you hard. ❜
❛ you're mine. you've always been mine. ❜
❛ i want to see how pretty you look with your lips around my dick / strap. ❜
❛ i'm simply enjoying the view. it's not every day i get to fuck someone so pretty. ❜
❛ you're so good for me, so fucking good around me, fucking made for me. ❜
❛ you came so fast, i barely even touched you. ❜
❛ do what you want, but you'd better make it good or i'll kill you. ❜
❛ as much as i'd love to have you choking on me, i'm impatient and there's something else i want more. ❜
❛ missed my touch that much, did you? ❜
❛ someone's needy. ❜
❛ you taste like heaven. ❜
❛ i need to come. please, i'll do anything. ❜
❛ i'm going to put that mouth of yours to good use. ❜
❛ you're fucking gorgeous like that, spread out like a good boy / girl who just wants to be eaten. ❜
❛ you'll be begging for me by the time i'm through with you. ❜
❛ let me stay like this in you for a little bit. ❜
❛ look at that pretty expression. i always knew you could make one. ❜
❛ was it good for you too? it's never been like that before. you've never been like this before. ❜
❛ is that how you usually get out of these situations? by fucking your way out of them? ❜
❛ i love that no one else has seen you like this, that no one else has felt you before, been inside you. they don't get to have you, but i do. ❜
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glow-in-the-dark-death · 5 months ago
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You're An Actor (Well What Else Would I Be?)
So I can't get this idea of my head but don't know how to arrange it, so I'll just post it as it comes to me.
For this prompt Danny is a movie actor as has just received his first big role.
The movie is happening in Gotham, so he's there to shoot & rehearse.
The twist I guess you can call it is Danny's character role for the movie is a prostitute, so while he's waiting in between scenes he goes out to explore Gotham while still wearing his 'costume'.
Everyone around him besides his boss and coworkers thinks he's genuinely one. Since he's still not really a recognizable actor yet.
~
The way Danny starts to interact with the Bats is Danny 'I Attract Trouble' Fenton, is he's not clocking just why so many assholes are messing with him,
Which is more of an annoyance than anything really he took on worse when he was younger constantly, a couple human jerks aren't really on the same level of his 'danger scale'.
Anyway Danny takes care of them and the Bats always arrive just when he's finished mopping the floor with (all the while he's in platform stilettos)
This scene becomes common
Until one day they hear Danny genuinely sound scared and like he's not able to get away,
In reality he's fine, he and his co-actor(?) are rehearsing for a future scene
" And really we're practicing for a movie you can stop choking him now please!"
"...You're an actor?"
"Yeah?"
"Oh you're an actor!"
"Well what else would I be?"
~
Other dialogue I had imagined was
Bat of your choice: "I can get you a job if you need it or give you recommendations."
Danny: "Why would I want to switch jobs, It's great and my parent are so happy when I told them?"
Bat: " Your parents know."
Danny: "Yup"
Bat: " And they're happy with it?"
Danny: "Absolutely ecstatic!"
Bat: "..."
~
Y'all can decide if this turns into a romance story & with what pairing(s)
~
(Also before someone takes this out of context or smt to mess with me 🙃, I'm not saying prostitutes or their work are wrong and shouldn't be respected they absolutely should be respected, what they're doing is difficult and dangerous work. It's one of the oldest professions to still exist.
The way I imagine the Bats especially RH is that they give them options in case that's something that they don't like working in or want to retire, if they do decide to stay for whatever reason then they give them protection and/or care so that they can continue doing their job as safely as they can.
Capeesh?)
~
Just an Idea
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legoflowers · 2 years ago
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im going thru that thing where u start to get grossed out by eggs but my brother just bought a big bag of eggs last night to last me until the end of ramadan so i guess i just push through???
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maxwellatoms · 7 months ago
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In one of your last answers, you said “series reboots are usually pretty gross and sad”, and I was wondering if you could expand on that? Assuming “reboot” covers any kind of continuation of a currently cancelled or finished show (and maybe that’s the wrong assumption!), from the outside looking in it feels like a pretty mixed bag. On one hand, if I love XYZ Show, it’s cool that I get more stories with these characters and another chance to support XYZ Show and its creators. On the other, it definitely feels like a lot of ideas can only get funding if they’re tied to something already, meaning creatives are having to now tie whatever cool idea they have to some reboot/relaunch/retread, which can feel pretty disheartening if you don’t want to do a reboot/relaunch/retread. Is that a similar feeling from your side of the industry?
Thank you so much for all your answers and insight!
Usually reboots and spin-offs are just cash grabs. It happens a lot in animation. In fact, I would argue that the entire industry is just one big cash grab now. In the 80s, everyone complained that cartoons were just half-hour commercials for toys. And they were right. And we're right back there, but now that you can't legally push toys all day, it's just general "IP". Mugs, posters, more spinoffs, whatever.
I was offered three show running gigs over the pandemic. All reboots that I would consider unwise to pursue because they were "of a different time" and didn't (in my opinion) have anything more to say. Two of them were properties created by notorious sex pests, so there's also that. The animation industry loves to prop up its sex pests.
I turned all of them down, partially because I didn't respect the original creators but also because none of them had anything going for them except just being "more of the same".
I don't think any of those projects survived the intervening years, so in retrospect I maybe should've taken the job. I'd probably feel a bit gross, but at least I'd have floors in my house.
The entertainment industry is in a bad spot. The whole thing. I've had I don't know how many pitch meetings in the last few years, and they all start the same way:
"Hey! Before we start, we just want to let you know that we're not actively producing anything right now. We think maybe soon, but we won't be picking anything up today..."
And then later:
"The little we are doing is IP, so if you have a new take on our IP or a new IP you're connected to that you can bring in, that'd be great."
I always wanted to make original stuff. There came a time when I'd had my fill of Billy & Mandy and wanted to do something else new and original. That never manifested, and I was constantly being offered IP to produce. I turned too many of those down, maybe, before deciding that it was probably better that I run the IPs that mean something to me rather than having some hack do it.
But now those jobs have all gone to celebrities and fallen live-action writers, who are also slowly being eaten by the system. WB was hot for Scooby stuff a few years back, so I pitched some ideas. A few of them were turned down for being "off-brand" in a variety of ways. WB has now made (I think) all of those off-brand shows (or something close) with celebrity show runners.
I was going through a whole Midlife Impostor Syndrome thing recently where I was wondering if maybe I don't just suck. Like, it's weird that for a couple of decades I'd have people calling me trying to get me to run shows, and now nobody will call me back about the possibility of a design job.
Talking to some friends and realizing that they were in a similar situation helped me feel like I wasn't alone. That was nice. Talking to some of the most talented colleagues in my industry made me made me realize that those people weren't getting jobs either. That was unnerving. Talking to complete strangers in other parts of the entertainment industry now has me thinking that the whole house of cards is coming down. That's real concerning, yo.
It's hard not to think it's purposeful, when deranged billionaires own the entirety of our media and want to shape a society where they can't be criticized. We're letting wealthy tech bros firebomb the very heart of our culture, and it's weird that no one is talking about it. Because (for now) we still have that capability.
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thebestsetter · 2 months ago
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Thinking about (lovesick) Hiori Yo keeping a diary.
His parents have always been emotionally unavaible. For them, Hiori was nothing more nothing less than an experiment, the one destined to be what they've always wanted to be and yet never managed to acomplish: someone who wears the title of being "the best in the world".
He also didn't have much (if any) friends. All his time was dedicated to football practice, so the only people he talked to (aside from his parents) were his teammates. And they were nice, sure, but they were not his friends. They were more like acquaintances. The only one he could really call a friend was one of his teammates, Karasu Tabito, and even so he still didn't feel comfortable enough talking to him about the complex thoughts he had.
Because of that, he's never had anyone to talk with. No one to confide about his feelings and emotions. No one to talk about how he wanted to leave his home house (that place didn't feel like a home). How his parents fucked up his sanity. How he didn't really like football that much.
He couldn't keep all these things inside his head anymore. He needed to pour these feelings out. That's why he decided to start a diary.
Grabbing an old notebook and one of those common blue pens, he started writing. The diary was his most treasured possession. It stayed locked inside his bedside table, being away from all of the prying eyes.
Writing felt good. He wrote about his strained relationship with his parents. About soccer practices. About gaming tips. About pretty much everything.
His thoughts about many different themes were written there. That's why his journal didn't really have a specific theme.
Well, at least in the beggining it didn't have.
Because ever since a month or so, all the pages on his diary began to revolve around a girl. You.
He met you during a rather boring math class. The teacher was rambling on and on about algebrics or whatever, and time seemed to freeze because of how utterly shitty the endless class seemed.
"His explanation sucks, doesn't it?"
He heard a female voice coming from beside him. When he turned to the direction of the sound, he saw the prettiest girl he had ever met.
Her hair framed her face perfectly, it's color matching her eyes in the most beautiful way Yo had ever seen. The smile she had on her face seemed to shine, and Hiori found himself smiling back, too.
"Yeah" he sighed, then looked back at the teacher
"I just wish the old hag would shut up"
"I wish he would just shut up"
They spoke at the same time.
Looking at eachother, they both began to laugh. Hard. Clutching your stomach and tearing up kind of laugh. Snorting like a pig laugh. Wheezing. Hitting the table with your fist to try and stop with the loud laughing, but being phisically incapable of stopping.
"Hiori Yo and (Name) (Lastname). Do you want to share with the class what made you laugh so hard? I'm sure they want to laugh to."
"N-No, mister. We're sorry. We-We'll stop" you answered, still trying to stiffle your laugh
"Do not interrupt my class again, or else I'll send you both to the principal's office"
"Okay sir." Hiori answered, not believing a word the teacher said but still a little scared to have his parents find out he went to the principal's office
"Hiori Yo, huh?" You said "It suits you"
"Thank you, miss (Name) (Lastname)." Hiori smirked "Your name is very pretty. It also suits you"
"Oh, so you think I'm pretty?" You smirked, a mischevious and playful glint on your eyes.
"N-no!" Hiori blushed hard, averting your gaze. His accent got stronger like it always did when he became nervous, and he was quick to correct himself "I-I mean, yes! You're very pretty! B-but I didn't mean to say t-that. Not that you're not pretty! Is just that..."
He was interrupted by the sound of your laugh mixed with the bell signalizing the end of the school day. It's obnoxious sound was such a contrast from your sweet, honey-like melodic laugh.
"Don't worry, I was just teasing you!" You smiled at him, grabbing your backpack and getting up "Well, see you on the next advanced math period, mister Hiori Yo"
You then quickly left, leaving behind a red and speechless Hiori.
He has been obsessed in love with you ever since. He wanted to be with you all of the time, no exceptions. You were just so nice! It seemed like his problems disappeared when you were near. Life seemed brighter, and even his parents noticed the change in his behavior. He was more carefree, happier, lighter.
And never once did he forget to write in his diary. In fact, he wrote about you so much he decided to rip the pages about his parents and other things and make the journal solely based on you.
He wrote about the dates he wanted to go to with you. Wrote about how he wanted to hold hands with you, kiss you till you're both breathless, stargaze with you, game with you. Do basically everything with you.
He detailed how he wanted to confess to you: you would both be in a park, having a picnic, when he would suddenly pull a bouquet from his backpack and put his feelings on the table, making it clear he viewed you as more than a friend. And then you'd laugh and say you like him too, making fun of his strong accent and how much effect you had over him.
Not that he'd mind. As long as your attention was on him, you could humilliate him all you want. He was pathetic.
He even wrote about your wedding, the petunias he wanted to give you and how Hiori (Name) had such a nice ring to it.
He wrote everything in his diary. And that was his fatal flaw.
Because he also wrote about how he wanted to spend his practice time with you. How he wanted to give up on soccer and move in with you to a house on the countryside, just you and him. How he sometimes skipped practices just to go out with you.
"Mom? Dad?"
He would never have thought that, one day, he would forget to lock the diary up. And who would've guessed it would fall in the hands of his parents, who have no idea of privacy.
"Yo, we need to talk about this"
When Hiori saw the notebook in his dad's hand, he swallowed dry. He felt like crying just by imagining what they wanted to discuss about.
Maybe they didn't read it. Yeah, maybe they still respected their son, at least a little bit.
"W-what? How did you..."
"It was on your bed." His mom answered, a stern expression on her face "me and your father came to an agreement after reading it, and..."
"You read it?!" Hiori was furious and sad at the same time. Not surprised, no. He knew they would've done this. "You can't do this! My personal thoughts are in there! It's my diary! You're invading my privacy!"
"Bullshit. Teenagers do not have nor need privacy" his father cut him off "Whatever. What matters is that we read about that (Name) girl. And we've decided..."
No. He can say anything but what he thinks they're bout to say. He can't handle that.
"We don't want you around that girl anymore. She's getting in the way of your football practices. That's why...
We're moving you to a different school."
No...
No.
NO!
"No she's not!" Hiori screamed, pleaded. He wished that for once his parents would listen to him, think about his feelings at least one time. "I love her! I swear I'll do double the practice! Just, please. Please don't do this" his voice was wavering. He was weak. "Please don't keep her away from me. Please."
"We do this cause we know what's best for you. We're your parents. We know you better than yourself." His mom tried to reason.
"No you don't!" Hiori screamed "She's the best thing that has ever happened to me! You can't do this to me! You can't decide these things in my behalf!"
"We're your parents. We can and we did. End of discussion." His dad gritted out, not an ounce of empathy in his face. "And we also decided you're not keeping a diary anymore. We don't want you hiding things from us."
With a swift move, he threw the notebook inside the fireplace.
"NO!" Hiori screamed, running to collect the ashes and try to save the diary, but it was already too late.
In his knees in front of the fire, Hiori cried. The flames were dancing around as if mocking his sadness, laughing at his disgrace.
He stayed there for so long he lost track of time. His parents were no longer in the room, deciding to finally give their son space. But he didn't want space.
He wanted you.
He stayed motionless until the last flame was unstinguished. And when it finally was, so was his hope for a better future. A future without his parents playing with the strings of his life all the time, treating him like a puppet. A future with no pain.
A future with you.
And so, a single page that survived flew and fell in front of him.
He picked it up.
Dear diary,
I think I can make up with my parents. I didn't told her about the whole situation since I don't want to burden her, but from what she heard, (Name) said we just need to talk. And maybe she's right. Maybe they'll like her just as much as I do, and we can be a big happy family. She makes me feel like everything is possible. I'm sure I love her, and I want to spend all my time by her side...
He couldn't read it anymore.
With a scream, Hiori tore the page apart.
~A/N: Sorry anon, idk how to write angst ☹️
Masterlist
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kyri45 · 19 days ago
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Not me abusing the asks to both share my love for the bioparents AU AND rant about the panels because none of my friends are in the LMK fandom and I'm suffering here so TAKE MY LOVE AND APPRECIATION ABOUT YOUR ART I guess x)
So first of all
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I am a SUCKER for that kind of leaning in frames I'm going to print that and plaster it on my wall THEY ARE EVERYTHING /hj
I almost jumped of my chair when this one popped up YOU FED US GOOD its so worth the angst train incoming. Of course the panels before and after were equally as amazing but if I start going about every single panel we're still here in three days AT THE VERY LEAST LOL
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Of course this one made me laugh like please their little faces
Using that to point out how much I love ALLLLLLL the silly faces you put in your comics I'm munching on them every single time they're crushy like chips or something just. Nom nom. Yummy.
Poor Nesha (Nesha? Nezha? Neja? I have no idea on how to write his name I already forgor LMAO) needs to be payed more. He tries to save MK and ends up dealing with two lovesick teenagers demons who have no concept of time/place/occasion apparently. Poor him. He gets a pat on the head for his troubles
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And of course just the "NOPE I'M KEEPING HIM" mode and honestly we should have seen it coming- Red son was planning to courtnap him and didn't sleep in the past 5 days so he's not having any bullshit YOU'RE NOT TAKING HIS NOODLE BOY AWAY-
Could bet he spent so long thinking about the cournapping in the 5 past days his brain just cannot process that yeah maybe you need to let him down you're just going to drag him in more troubles- Either that or he's just going full protective mode. Both options are good anyways sooooo :)
We stan a protective boyfriend in this house.
---
And finally I'm SOOOOO hyped about whatever is coming next like I know that technically we're supposed to suffer but please I climbed up the angst train so many times now I'm just enjoying it by that point lol. It'll just make the following fluff even more worth it
Also I cannot wait to see MK's plan about the contract I'm so curious I'm dying I love you boys but I really want the plot to progress you can go back to kissing later lol
Finally, thank you for creating this AU. It's stumbling randomly upon it on my tik tok fyp that dragged me into watching Lego Monkie Kid and really THANK YOU FOR THAT. It's such an amazing show I CANNOT BELIEVE I didn't discovered it sooner so really thank for having created this comic because else I could have missed LMK and that would be just saaaad
Fun fact: since I had never interacted with LMK the first time I read your comic, I for some reason thought Macaque was a female (and I probably would have thought the same of Wukong if he wasn't called... well, Wukong because I randomly stumbled upon the myth's Wikipedia page at some point in my life XD). The shock I felt when I heard Macaque for the first time in the show because his voice was soooooo not what I expected x) I'm still laughing at myself to this day
So yeah, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, and I can't wait to see what you're going to pull next :D Wish you allllll the best <3
(I can totally wait, of course, it's just a figure of speech. Take your time, I could wait forever for the next chapter)
ahaha thank you for such a lovely comment!! Glad the scene gived "MINE" vibes as I was planning ahah.
Youu're welcome! It's an honor to serve this fandom. *bows*
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inkskinned · 11 months ago
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you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.
(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)
but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.
(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)
there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.
(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)
you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.
(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)
you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.
in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.
but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.
they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.
it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.
#spilled ink#warm up#can you tell what i'm mad about today specifically#i will say that there are a LOT of things that go into this. like a lot. this is ungendered and unspecific for a reason#it isn't just sexism. it's also racism. and ableism. and honestly classism.#and before a healthcare professional reads this as a personal attack: i understand ur burnt out#we are ALSO burnt out. your situation is also dire. this is not an attack on you.#this is a commentary on the incredible amounts of bigotry that lie at the heart of capitalism#where people have to pay money out of pocket to be told to fuck off.#your job is important. so is our humanity. and if you cannot accept that people are fucking mad as hell#at the industry - you are probably not listening .#anyway at some point im gonna write a piece about sexism specifically in medical shit#but i don't want terfs clowning in it bc they can't understand nuance#> it is true that ppl w/a uterus are more likely to experience medical malpractice & dismissal globally#> it is also true that trans people experience an equally fucked up and bad time in the medical field#> great news! the medical industrial complex is an equal opportunity life ruiner :)#(if you find it necessary to go into a debate about biology while discussing medical malpractice#i want to warn you that you're misunderstanding the issue. because guess what.#cis MEN might experience this. particularly black men. particularly disabled men.#so YES having a uterus can lead to more trouble for you. but this happens a LOT.#instead of fighting those ALSO experiencing your pain.... try working WITH them.#which btw. is like. actual feminism.)
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