#and what specific things i think were not elaborated upon enough.

[wutaijiemei]

@saharadesertaj i mean it could've been worse but as former tumblr user miyokichi, op of this post, and an individual who i suspect has written more paragraphs on this woman than anyone else in this sad, sad world, i think a lot of her depth is owed to subtext past a point where it's realistic to confidently say it was all the product of authorial intent.

like her actions are mostly just positioned as the behaviors of a kind of erratic woman desperate for male attention with a few tiny hints at more complex motivations but nothing that delves into it nearly enough for her relative importance to the story imo.. and i do think kikuhikos role presents a v convenient out by making any shallowness in her portrayal a plausible narrative tool in and of itself but knowing kumota its just not one im convinced was wholly intentional..

and like. on that note. she was created by an insane bl author who openly admitted hayashibara's performance changed her conception of the character and plans for the ending bc she was never meant to be that deep ajsjhdhf

so personally i think it's very fair to say she was not developed to her full potential bc i cannot in good conscience call it lack of underdevelopment to throw in the "im tired of the role of woman" monologue at the bitter end of the series, even though it is certainly what i would deem a set of individually good writing decisions. this comment did not even annoy me btw im just genuinely this obsessed with miyokichi i cant stop talking once i have an excuse to think about her .

imagine baby trapping a man so u can make him marry you but not because you love him or even enjoy his company just so you can cut him off from your ex to get back at him after u finally admit to yourself when he officially breaks up with you that u always knew he was gay and in love with your newlywed husband who was in love with him also but then u baby trap him doubly in the sense that u abandon him to poorly raise your daughter because u didnt actually want a daughter or a gay husband and then the whole thing backfires because your ex is like theres no way those two can raise a child ive gotta go see whats happening and finds his lost love single parenting this kid so then he settles in and plays house for months and co-parents and then u come back and realize what happened and have a total mental breakdown and stab your husband miyokichi is literally the underdeveloped woman of all time who would do something like this its been nearly 2 years and im still obsessed with her

[anghraine]

thatinsufferableb-st-rd said:

@anghraine so i have read the books multiple times and am an avid fan of the movies. I enjoy both for what they are. I think the main difference is that Peter Jackson was very open about what they chose to cut and why from anything I've ever seen. They even have Sam give a nod to the book readers by saying "by rights we shouldn't even be here". No I'm not happy about what they did with Faramir and Glorfindel got jipped, and I would have lover to have seen Elronds sons but at the end of the day there were acknowledgments of what and why. Rings of Power to me has always come off as hiding from any criticism by using the shield of "well if you don't like it it's because you don't like POCs in it". To which I genuinely could not give a fuck less, like there are so many branches of elves that went different ways so that could make sense within what Tolkein established. But don't hide behind that when your writing is just "Sauron is evil. We know. And we know she knows. But we have to make it seem like she's the only one who Has A Clue so we must all try to shoo her off to make a plotline"

@lesbiansforboromir has already correctly and politely pointed out that you are doing the very thing we were criticizing in that post—intruding on ROP fan discussion to unfavorably contrast the show to the Peter Jackson films, while also applying a degree of scrutiny to ROP that the Jackson films are rarely subject to in a remotely comparable way and could not bear. Frankly, @lesbiansforboromir is nicer and more restrained than I am about this, but you chose to tag me as well, so I'll also respond.

We (lesbiansforboromir and I) were talking about being excited about costuming in S2 of ROP and disliking the fandom meltdowns over ROP's costuming looking (somewhat) different from the films' aesthetic. Since it had already come up in their discussion, I added that I'm not convinced by the anti-ROP contingent framing their seething hatred of the costuming and design as just caring so much about fidelity to Tolkien's vision. I pointed out that Tolkien fandom broadly cares far more about their preferred, film-influenced aesthetics than Tolkien's actual descriptions and gave some specific examples of this.

There's been a lot of talk, for instance, about how the universally long, flowing hair for Elves preferred by the fandom and used in the films is actually totally canon according to Tolkien even if it's rarely mentioned in LOTR proper. This is inaccurate. Galadriel's brother Aegnor is typically depicted in the fandom/film-preferred style rather than per Tolkien's description of his hair as "strong and stiff, rising upon his head like flames" (indeed, in general neither Aegnor nor anyone else is ever depicted this way, and this description rarely shows up in the lists of "no it's about ethics in adaptation" Tolkien hair quotes).

Tolkien repeatedly describes Elvish, peredhel, and Dúnadan women as wearing their hair bound up in braided coiffures with jeweled hair pieces/nets rather than loose and flowing à la the films and the fandom. Nobody cares, any more than they care about Tolkien's description of Arwen's clothing as soft, grey, and noticeably devoid of ornamentation apart from a belt and netted cap (i.e. the opposite of her highly elaborate film costuming and typically loose, unbound, uncovered hair in the films and most illustrations).

Meanwhile, my fave Faramir's hair is nowhere near long enough in the films or most art to mingle with Éowyn's as Tolkien describes. It's usually also depicted as blond, reddish, or brown rather than black as in the book; in Tolkien's LOTR, all described Gondorians have dark or black hair, with the only difference in coloring being that some Gondorians are dark-skinned and some are pale. Again, almost nobody in the fandom cares about this when they're going on about costume design and casting to reflect Tolkien's vision, and male Gondorians are overwhelmingly depicted with short or shoulder-length hair in the films and in Tolkien illustrations.

Popular depictions of Gondor, including the Gondor of the films, very rarely reflect Tolkien's description of Gondor's aesthetic as similar to ancient Egypt, the Byzantine Empire, and the Roman Empire. Film Gondor has, at most, extremely vague allusions to Byzantine architecture amidst the general and deliberate westernization of Gondor's design—as just one example among many, Tolkien's explicitly Egyptian-based design for the royal crown of Gondor is converted to a generically western European-style crown in the films and overwhelmingly in the fandom.

I then pointed out that it's been very noticeable that ROP haters tend to have a powerful double standard wrt fidelity when it comes to the Jackson films. For over 20 years, most film fans have been constitutionally incapable of tolerating even slight criticism of the films without jumping in to defend their greatness and condescendingly explain the most basic elements of adaptation. (Yes, we know film is not the same medium as text, we know changes are part of adaptation to another medium, we all know that, we all know that a word-for-word adaptation would suck and never be made, this is not new information and does not make the PJ films' every choice a good one.) Yet most film LOTR fans who vocally despise ROP display none of the charity towards ROP that they demand for the films (demand even from someone like Christopher Tolkien, a dead man the entire fandom is deeply indebted to, whose dislike of the films still leads to regular attacks on his character from Jackson film stans).

This hypercritical yet hyperdefensive tendency in the fandom is neatly illustrated by the fact that you responded to a conversation about the double standards in evaluations of ROP's costuming vs the films' to go on about how ROP is objectively bad for reasons entirely unrelated to costuming, how you're totally not racist (something nobody was talking about), and to quote you directly, "Like the show was just Bad." Truly, an incisive critique. Meanwhile, your concessions with regard to the Jackson films are mainly about extremely minor and defensible omissions like removing Glorfindel and the sons of Elrond rather than the serious and fundamental problems that lesbiansforboromir and I have with them, or even the ways they do pretty much the exact same things you're lambasting ROP for.

I mean, if we're going to talk about action hero Elves in ROP vs the Jackson films, what about the action hero-ification of Legolas in the films? He was described by Tolkien himself as the Fellowship member who accomplished the least, so super badass battle-skateboarding Legolas hardly represents fidelity to Tolkien's vision. Why should that get a pass while film-stanning ROP haters seethe about ROP!Galadriel being too special, even though Tolkien described her as one of the most special Elves to ever live and specifically as remarkably athletic and insightful?

Meanwhile, film Gimli is reduced to comic relief, the only dwarves taken seriously are conventionally hot ones in The Hobbit films, and Frodo's expressions of strength and fortitude are consistently removed to glorify other characters. Film Gondorians were deliberately designed to seem like useless tin soldiers (which they are in the films, as well as whiter and blonder than Tolkien wrote them) rather than the physically imposing and highly effective fighting force of the book. ROP imagining Elvish rituals upon approaching Valinor that aren't based in Tolkien canon but don't directly conflict with it is absolutely trivial compared to the films' handling of Denethor and Faramir.

The point is not that you, personally, are not allowed to like the films or dislike ROP despite all this. Many people do love the films, including most of my followers. They do have their strengths, though they are extremely racist and few film fans will acknowledge this without soft-pedaling it in some way (esp, since you brought it up, given the context of the truly unhinged degree of racism that has accompanied much of the broader discourse around ROP).

The point is that film fans who hate ROP are constantly showing up in our conversations to be "well actually ROP is just objectively bad, unlike the films, because the show has failings that are also in the films but it's totally different there because of the contents of Peter Jackson's soul" or whatever. The point is the absolutely glaring and obnoxiously hypocritical double standard of defensiveness about the films and obsessive nitpicking of ROP that leads to ROP haters continually going on rants to ROP fans that are unwelcome, uninvited, and usually (as in this case) irrelevant to what was even being discussed.

[chirpsythismorning]

Mike's character regression can be explained in large part by one emotion in particular: guilt

Just want to preface this by saying that, this is not Mike slander. I love this dude. In fact, I think what makes Mike such an interesting character is that a lot of his behavior throughout the series can be explained in part by previous moments, and after really looking at all these moments together, what you end up with is a pretty fucked up story.

So while some might want to take this as Mike slander, these points I'm making are a part of Mike and things he has done and said and whether they were intentionally harmful or not, it's Mike. It's all shaped him and his role in the story. The fact that we're seeing a visible shift in his behavior at all, with plenty of moments from the show to back up what brought us here, makes it compelling enough to talk about.

So, without further ado, back to our roots:

Ah yes, the infamous canon proof disputing Mike's I think my life started that day we found you in the woods, claim during his monologue. Not only that, but in this original scene from 1x02, it turns out Mike actually intended to send her away the next day (all of which El could hear Mike saying from the open bathroom door).

Mike outright calling El a weapon, again telling the others they need her because they stand no chance at getting Will back otherwise.

I wont elaborate on this now, because there is way too much to unpack that'll honestly be more worthwhile discussing further on.

For now, this is a secret tool that will help us later.

These next couple scenes right here though, are pretty painful if I'm being completely honest. The way its shot, specifically El's very visible exhaustion, accompanied by the varying priorities of others around her, leaves me feeling pretty unsettled upon rewatches.

I obviously can't remember how I felt when I watched these scenes for the first time, but I imagine I viewed them as this huge romantic moment for Mike and El (I was tricked by heteronormativity, okay?). But, again, upon rewatching them since then, I've realized I get this sort of sad feeling by the end. You'll see what I mean.

El obviously just went through something extremely traumatic. She tried to go find Will and Barb in the void, only to find Barb dead and Will presumably alive, but then slipping through her fingers at the last second (no, literally).

We then got a moment where Joyce held El while the others sat by quietly because she clearly needed a moment of comfort given what she just endured.

Then in this scene shortly after, everyone is leaving to get ready for their final attempt at saving Will.

Now, notice how not only Lucas, but also Dustin make the effort to reach out to El to comfort her affectionately after that traumatic event, with those twos' actions specifically being showcased in sequence?

Lucas, who spent the better part of the season being critical of El, is now ending the season rubbing El's shoulder to warm her up, literally soothing her to make her feel better.

Then there's Dustin, who right after Lucas' gesture makes a gesture of his own, putting his hand on her knee reassuringly, to show her he's there and he's happy she's okay.

And lastly there's Mike, who is so kindly allowing El to rest her head on his shoulder. This placement of Mike and El here is definitely a testament to the fact that Mike has vouched for El this whole time in contrast to the others and so, understandably, she put her head on his shoulder for reassurance, because out of the three of them, he's the one whose been looking out for her the most. (Right?)

Now you might be thinking that this sequence's only purpose was to show Lucas and Dustin's development with El, and that it wasn't intentional that they focused on Lucas and Dustins' priorities in this moment in contrast to Mikes'. And I raise you, this next scene.

Here we have a focus on Mike looking on to where everyone left, while the others beside him are presumably just processing what went down and taking a rest (and boy oh boy do they (El) need one).

Mike on the other-hand decides to take this moment of rest to display the most cliche and universal forms of distracted unrest known to man: he checks his watch.

Mike then stands up abruptly, causing El to fall without his shoulder there for her to rest on anymore, all while her and Dustin are looking on after him, sort of like... Okay?

It's small. It might seem insignificant. But if you actually pay attention to what this scene is trying to make you feel, after really looking at it for what it is, it's kind of sad.

In a moment that chooses to highlight the other boys' acknowledgment of El after what just happened, and not only that, but at the tale end of their final battle of the season, Mike is... distracted?

Mike, who has been presumably looking out for El more than the others in the party this whole time, is conveniently out of commission? And right now when El is looking for his reassurance the most? Mike doesn't even have a moment to say, 'Hey I'll be right back, I just want to check something. Can one of you?--', asking Lucas or Dustin to sit next to her in his place. No. Dude just stands up without even acknowledging her.

If it was any other moment in the show, under less post-traumatic circumstances for El, then I wouldn't even think much of it. But it's at this point in the story when El is essentially at her most exhausted and quite literally seeking out support from others, specifically Mike, that makes his distractedness so eery.

Again, you might still be thinking that this isn't that deep. However, I think based on the events leading up to this, and what follows right here, could quite literally hold the answer to the guilt Mike is still keeping to himself to this day.

So... How are we feeling?

Are we feeling like Mike None of you are thinking about El's wellbeing right now! She could get brain damage from using her powers too much! She's not a weapon!* Wheeler is a little bit of a hypocrite? (I told you that tool would come in handy!)

It's actually quite terrifying how similar this scene is framed to the scene in Hopper's cabin in s3, where Mike pretty much says the exact opposite. In s1 Mike goes from being one of the first people to refer to El as a weapon within the context of them using her powers to find Will, with him being completely un-attuned to the fact that she is exhausted in this moment while the others are saying El's rest and safety is the most important, to then in s3 completely flipping script and saying El was using her powers for nothing, blaming the others for treating her like a weapon and not taking her wellbeing into consideration.

It would be one thing if Mike had a little arc where he acknowledged this script flip. Because that's what it is. It is them having Mike use a word in s1 to describe El, that being weapon, only to say the others are treating her like that with that same word being used. It is them having Mike not agknowledge El's well being after overusing her powers, only to say the others aren't taking her wellbeing into consideration for overusing her powers.

And it would be one thing if Mike had spoke to El or literally anyone about how he felt like he wronged El for planning on sending her away the next day after they found her so that they could go back to looking for Will, or how he said she was a weapon that they needed in order to find Will, essentially being no better than the people she just escaped from, who also used her for her powers. But we don't get that (actually we do.. but it's not acknowledged for what it is aka survivor's guilt. It's instead seen as romantic... another tool for later...)

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think any of Mike's behavior takes away from what Mike did do for El, because yes he was kind and accepting when the others weren't. But even despite all of that, at the end of the day, he was often at the forefront of expecting El to risk her life for them, even if he wasn't outright asking that of her.

Before you freak out, No. I don't think Mike, a literal child, was capable of fathoming that El was going into these situations risking her life. She's a superhero. El's alternative was literally going back to the lab, running, or staying with Mike. This was her safest option.

After a bunch of rewatches and putting together a lot of these moments as a whole, I've come to a point where I believe that Mike's behavior throughout s1 was him thinking that because of who El was, she's already in danger at all times. That is a constant reality for her. And so why not have her help them find Will, because she is able to, all while he can also help her. And El clearly wanted to help them, because she wanted to help good people and finally do something meaningful with her powers for a change. Unfortunately, she also had to endure PTSD flashbacks almost every single time Mike and the boys had her use her powers to help find Will.

Speaking of Will, he is currently missing and possibly dead. Will also, in contrast to El (for now...), does not have any sort of superpowers.

Mike's concern over the threat of Will's livelihood is much greater than Mike's acknowledgement to the true risks El is exposing herself to each time she uses her powers to help them. That is s1 canon.

Is there times when Mike is focused on El and her well being. Absolutely! But is there also times when Mike is not showing any display of concern to El's well being in the moment, in complete contrast to the other characters around him... Also yes.

And so the events happening the way they did, with Mike himself not fully comprehending the severity of what's been going on during these high stake situations going on around him, makes sense.

And that's what makes it all the more sad that when Mike finally does realize what he's truly been asking of El this whole time, which is to risk her life for them, it's too late.

This whole scene is obviously very emotional. All of the boys are crying, but the focus on Mike calling out for El painfully is heartbreaking.

But what's even more sad to me, is that El has been sort of used to mistreatment her whole life. She's used to having to find any comfort she could get from people in her life, all the while they were using her for her powers. I mean even despite Brenner being who he was and doing what he did, she still showed these signs of wanting to love him despite it. Which is very very fucked up. But knowing what she's gone through, makes sense.

Mike on the other-hand does greatly contrast Brenner because he was one of the first people to actually treat her with genuine kindness right from the start (before he even knew she had powers), making it a lot easier for her to care for him even despite that pesky trait of using her for her powers being almost synonymous with Brenner's very similar trait.

So when she looks back at Mike, and points him out specifically before sacrificing herself, it feels like a few things at once.

It feels like her acknowledging the fact that she appreciated him specifically for taking her in and supporting her more genuinely than anyone has in her entire life.

And yet it also feels like her, either intentionally or unintentionally, acknowledging the unfortunate side affect caused by days of Mike leading the efforts to find Will, with the expectation of her to do things to achieve that, which could have all lead to her demise technically. And so now when it all comes down to it and the stakes are at their highest yet, same as the risk, she's got to a point where she believes there is no other choice but to do just that, risk her life, especially if it means saving them.

While this is happening, Mike is backtracking in real time. He is trying to get El to stop and it's because he doesn't want her to die. Obviously.

But that's the fucked up part isn't it? When he finally realized what he's been asking of her this whole time, it's too late.

Which takes us to S2 Mike Wheeler, known by many for being a boy whose been calling his true love everyday for almost a year now because he's just so in love, but is actually in fact a boy suffering the most intense form of survivors guilt, one that involves a person who genuinely feels responsible for the persons death...

But that will probably take at least another 2,000 words so I'm thinking maybe I better split this into multiple parts.

I will tease that the next part involves one specific detail in particular that I never see anyone talk about, a detail that I think, in combination with what's discussed in this post, is so important to understanding Mike's breakdown for what it truly was at the end of season 2. I will also probably do more posts beyond that for s3-4, to delve into the impacts these moments from the first two seasons have basically put in place a perfect recipe for what is currently going down.

So feel free to stay tuned for those nonsense updates.

Continued

[ms-scarletwings]

Aberrant Fish

Updated November 2024

The first hint many an angler will get of the dark, insidious secrets these waters hold,

and yet, they are the first thing to be accepted as only another flavor of mundane.

The game text calls them grotesque. The fishmonger calls them corrupted. You get to call them a bonus. Rather than fear and revile them, tradesmen will pay a shiny extra penny to add them into their stock. They are gestured to and spoken of, but never truly elaborated on by the townsfolk. They have probably been here long before most of them, and so will be here long after they are gone. They were certainly here before you. Maybe you don’t need their answers, and yet if you are like me, you still witlessly question and keep dredging for more.

Like many things pulled from those cursed depths, they whisper flecks of madness from an impossible voice. What messages do they carry, and what forces do they play vessel to? Are they the lingering embers from a long-extinguished calamity, or are they harbingers of the next one to come?

I believe we have already seen signs of fire with our own eyes- impossible, great beasts that prowl the four (now five) coasts, the dying cult, gibbering fog…. That damned book. These tortured creatures are but another form of the same smoke.

To the question of where they came from, if your fisherman pokes around enough and braves the darkness, he may have already found a response in one of the many obelisks scattered around the map. Specifically, I refer to this.

This would suggest the aberrants themselves are what leaked in through the cracks that the largest of all monsters wants to rend apart? Not entirely, but in part. For the researcher at the Stellar Basin came to her own conclusion I want to factor in.

Her words give credence to the possibility that it is actually those greater beasts themselves at the heart of the corruption. I think she was half onto something, because what if these twisted forms, both large and small, were blooms along the same set of festering roots?

The more dark stones you disturb in the frenzy of your own madness, the more you learn about the age before your arrival, about the islands, and especially about their current guardians. The Mindsuckers- carrion puppet masters given a home, the Basin creature- a spore that miraculously survived its dive to the abyss, and the Serpent- lifeless stone made animate and malicious, all had their creation remembered in great detail by the obelisks. Some hints point that their emergence was rather recent, relative to even more powerful beings, such as the leviathan.

Maybe there are even more unseen horrors far below, blessedly out of our reach, for now. My view is that the malformed beasts are the aimless children of such unfathomable things waiting beyond the veil. With them came its influence, and its corruption, and from them it continues to spread to all life surrounding. The smaller rifts were always a transformative disease upon the harbor’s fish, but with the rise of the new monsters, the sickness runs farther and less avoidably than ever. Whether these aberrant spawn are a gift to the worthy, or another deceptive evil that leads to madness remains left to be seen.

I have given a spotlight to each of these fascinating specimens at the back of Dredge’s encyclopedia, including those found in the Pale Reach and Iron Rig expansions, for further comment, ponderance, and appreciation.

[#104-109]

[#110-115]

[#116-122]

[#123-129]

[#130-135]

[#136-141]

[#142-148]

[#149-154]

[#155-159]

[#160-164]

[#165-168]

[#169-172]

[#173-180]

[#181-187]

[#188-194]

[#195-198]

[#199-202]

[#203-207]

[#208-212]

[#213-218]

[#219-224]

[#225-229]

[#230]

[Bonus I. Night Angler]

[Bonus II. Serpent]

[Bonus III. Basin Creature] (WIP)

[Bonus IV. Mindsuckers] (WIP)

[Bonus V. Unseeing Mother] (WIP)

[Bonus VI. “Narwhal”] (WIP)

[Bonus VII. Gleaming Goliath] (WIP)

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Yay requests are open! :DDD

Can I maybe get something with mandela catalogue because WHY NOT YLDLYDYLDLYFK

I maybe went beyond you with Alternate y/n but can I get something like so fluffy and they so God damn sweet it so silly like????

They so kind and Affectionate to everyone like wtf (maybe hug out of no where they would squeeze the hell out of the person or compliment non stop with heart eyes like <3333 *nothing suspicious Of course!!*)

Would like Scenario with mark, any Alternate (might intruder specifically but whatever u like!) And Gabriel! :0

U can choose or make more than one I would be 10× happy <33

I know it's tough or annoying and you are free to ignore this request but please tell me so I won't wait <3

Love your writing please keep going and take care of yourself!

I just did the three you requested ^^ Took me a bit to figure out scenarios but hope you like 'em!

............

--Mark--

"Your place of worship has..quite the vastness. Are all of them like this?"

"There's smaller ones around town, but this is the one I've pretty much grown up in."

"I see...it's quite lovely. All the flowers and stained glass windows add a nice touch."

"Mhm.." Mark nodded his head, keeping a vacant gaze on the church's altar as he fiddled with the rosary tangled in his fingers.

You, in the meantime, were intrigued by this house of god--the same place Preacher once infiltrated to adopt one of the nuns' forms. But luckily, she had moved on since then and hasn't disturbed these grounds.

It was a surprise that Mark actually allowed you to accompany him tonight..considering you were quite adamant about stepping through the doors. You thought he'd become distressed upon learning his sanctuary had no spiritual nor physical barriers that kept Alternates out.

But he apparently knew that already and accepted it, as he invited you anyways, insisting he didn't wish to be alone.

When he knelt down to pray for some time, you left him be while exploring the church for yourself, looking at the architecture.

You continue to be impressed by what humanity has built for their religion.

When you returned to the pews, Mark was no longer kneeling, instead sitting there with a blank stare. And judging from his empty responses to your remarks, he seemed...lost.

Didn't he come here to put his mind at ease? You thought you'd see him become less tense after finishing his prayers, but he looked just the same--if not more upset.

"...I couldn't think of anything new this time."

Confused, you sat down next to him. And he took your silence as a sign to elaborate.

"I mean...I-I keep praying for the same stuff. For my friend to be at peace, wherever he is, my parents to talk to me again....and for things to go back to normal. But it feels like I'm asking for the impossible. It just..doesn't seem worth it anymore.."

"I believe all of those things are still worth praying for, Mark..be it one time or a hundred." You softly interjected, frowning a bit. "Life may not entirely go back to what it once was, but you can always pray for better days ahead. You have survived the worst of them, and you'll survive plenty more."

He was quiet for a moment, before shrugging. "It feels like even that's too much to ask for nowadays. Maybe...He forgot about me, or my prayers aren't enough-"

"I doubt anything's ever "too much" for your god. I'm sure He hears you and knows you're trying to stay faithful in such difficult times. If I were Him, I'd think your prayers are good enough for...."

Stopping, you heard him sniffle and gazed at him in worry, seeing his shoulders slumped. "Mark?" You were especially alarmed when he suddenly began to sob, bringing his hands to his face.

In that moment you feared that you've accidentally said something MAD-inducing. "I'm so sorry. I-I didn't mean it like-"

"I-In all my years going to..c-confession..nobody's ever told me that." He cried quietly. "They said my soul was doomed the moment I met that intruder guy...a-and there's only a small chance I can be saved if I keep praying.."

You blinked, bewildered by what you were hearing. "Your whole church knows about that night? And they blame you for encountering him? But that wasn't your fault...you were a child."

"Th-They don't care. They never did. But of all people..I never expected an Alternate to tell me something so....r-reassuring..." Mark looked up at you, and the smile on his tearful face confirmed he wasn't upset with you in the slightest. "Thanks, [y/n]. I..I really need to hear that."

"But of course." You smiled back and brought him into an embrace, squeezing him tightly as relief swept over you. "There's no need to weep anymore, little lamb. For I am here and I see your good heart and soul..even if others don't."

All he did was nod in response, and that was enough for you.

You'll definitely have Six's head on a silver platter for this someday.

.........

--Intruder--

"Tell me, Six..have you grown soft for the prophet?"

"..what ever do you mean, traitor?"

"Does "I cradled him in my arms, my sweet boy" ring a bell?"

Six scowled as you mimicked his voice, grinning cheekily at his reaction.

You were just getting a kick out of angering him at every possible turn. Especially ever since he knew you've been "siding" with humanity as of late, looking after a young man you've come to see as a friend.

He didn't like that one bit--yet he couldn't say anything to Gabriel.

Your leader figured you were only acting this way as a means to destroy humans from the inside-out once you've gained their trust enough.

But Six, on the other hand, knows you true intentions. You wanted to protect them.

Unfortunately for him, the "angel" threatened him not to disrupt your plans again..lest there be severe consequences.

"Oh come now, why the long face, brother?" You teased. "Over 3,000 of their kin you have abducted..and none of their sweet faces have ever touched your heart?"

"What heart? We don't have those, and you know it."

"..what about that Heathcliff boy you spared? You know..he drew a picture of you and showed it to his class a long time ago."

"It wasn't the right...wait, he did what..?" He blinked, surprised that a child would want to draw him. Usually, he frightened them most when he appeared to them in reality and not as their best friend "Stanley".

But nothing surprised him more than when you had Mark's actual drawing in-hand, giving it to Six and allowing him to look at it. You watched his expression carefully, seeing his gaze soften considerably as his eyebrows furrowed.

"This..was made by him? How did you-?"

"His teacher confiscated it, but I've recovered it." You tilted your head, your smile only growing more. "Are you sure you don't care? Because now you look like a father who is proud of his child's artwork-"

"You're wrong. I don't feel any sentiment towards them. Everything I've done was to manipulate them into doing our master's bidding." Immediately, his scowl returned and he glared back up at you-

Only for him to flinch as you wrapped your lanky arms around him without warning.

He squirmed about, realizing you were once again doing this...awful and disgusting thing you've adopted from humans. You've shown it to other Alternates, but he despised it. "Release me!!"

"Don't lie to me, brother. You're weak to their influence as I am." You laughed, squeezing him tight. "There's no shame in admitting it-"

"GET OFF!! Traitorous black sheep!"

Six suddenly glitched out of your embrace, disappearing from reality altogether. You looked around and eventually spotted his silhouetted figure in the nearest TV, white eyes glaring at you.

He was safe..for now. But you've had your fun with him, so you simply left him alone.

Though not without laying the drawing down on the floor where he could see it.

You never noticed his hand creeping out from the screen and grabbing it, dragging the paper into his realm.

.....

--Alt!Gabriel--

"How is your deception of humanity fairing, my child?"

"It is going well." Smiling up at your Savior, you clasped your hands together in front of you. "I'm learning more about what they enjoy..and what their sorrows are. Soon enough, it'll become easier to watch them rot from within."

"As it should. I do want to apologize for the...erratic behaviors of your dearest brother. He does not understand your mission as well as I do."

At the mention of Six, you nodded, trying to bite back your utter disdain for him. There's a lot you wanted to say about him, but you didn't come here to complain about him the entire time.

He wasn't worth wasting your breath.

"No he does not. I liken him to a petulant child." You sighed. "He's convinced you're..."playing favorites" with me when I've done nothing particularly extraordinary compared to-"

"Now, now..you mustn't speak that way." Gabriel's chuckles reverberated through the dark void you two stood in. "Give yourself a little credit, won't you? You have done well, and I know you'll continue to be quite the spy. I was right to bring you into creation..my most loyal servant yet."

Flattered by his praise, you couldn't help but kneel before him, trying to hide your growing smile.

"Thank you, my divine leader. I shan't forget this life you've breathed into me. I receive your generous words wholly."

"..hahaha..so eloquently spoken. You may as well be a human yourself! I commend you for adapting their language so quickly." You felt his hand reach down to pat the shadowy top of your head.

His eerie smile stretched even wider than yours, knowing he had you wrapped around his finger perfectly.

Of all the Alternates, you've complimented him the most. The others were too mindless to converse with him as long as you did.

Of course, Six was the exception..but all he ever did was complain about you like some tattle-tail.

You, on the other hand, never acted out of line or questioned his demands.

You were as obedient as a sheep. Exactly as he wanted.

"Now rise, my child, and go forth. We still have a lot of work to do."

[laugtherhyena]

Ngl, I was not expecting the extremely rare Mikado W of him executing only Kanade cause she screwed up the reenactment, but I'll take it, lol. Anything to put Kanade in Despair cause fuck her and her nonsense.

Speaking of which, would you mind elaborating on survivor Hibiki in the -2+2 AU events of SDRA2?

Ik this ask is all about -2+2 Hibiki, but I don't think i can talk about her without talking about Kokoro and their deal through the post-ch3 game, so allow me to make this post about the two of them instead!

So first things first, -2+2 Mikado is a lot more serious about keeping his reenactment going just as planned. That's why he straight up exposes Emma by opening the door to the refrigerator Kokoro was in when he realized she was actually going to kill her, executes Nikei for messing up the entire fourth island and trying to throw a wrench at his plans, and most importantly to this topic specifically; Executes Kanade on her own even though both her and Hibiki were classified as the culprits of case 3 as a revenge of sorts because there weren't meant to be any crazy serial killers in his reenactment!

So he goes on this little rant after she's done bragging about her kills and puppet Hibiki and makes up a rule on the spot that in the case of double culprits only the one with most killing intent is executed, which leaves Kanade as the only real culprit in the case and subsequently the only one that will actually be executed for it.

Kanade is absolutely livid that she doesn't get to die with Hibiki now and yells at Mikado saying that thede rules shouldn't apply to them since they were made after the murder, to which he says this is his killing game and he can do whatever the fuck he wants. So commence the execution and as the chains start to pull her towards the executive site she grabs onto Hibiki's legs and tries to forcefully drag her along. Shinji and a few others run to help, but Hibiki snaps and kicks the shit out of Kanade's face until she lets go of her and is brought to her execution.

Afterwards the trial grounds turn dead quiet for a moment before Hibiki breaks down, kneeling on the floor while crying and screaming (basically this Au's version of that Cg/scene in canon where she's banging on the elevator door yelling).

No one approaches her or tries to do anything because they're exhausted and really don't know what they can even do for her in this situation, except for Kokoro who despite being half conscious and with a massive headache because of Kanade (She was drugged by her prior to the murder since she knew Kokoro would be the biggest threat against her in trial) pushes through that and sits next to Hibiki try helping her calm down.

She tells the others they can go and rest already, leave Hibiki to her so they do just that and she stays with her for a good bit until Hibiki is stable enough to go back to her room on the monocruise. And Kokoro actually stays with her for the night since she had in mind Hibiki could maybe get worse it have another breakdown after all that happened + Hibiki didn't want to be alone at all and asked her to stay.

From that point onwards Kokoro takes it upon herself to help Hibiki recover from all the trauma she's experienced in trial 3 and also to come to terms with the truth about all the muders through her life and Kanade's true nature. She spents pretty much the entirety of Ch4 checking up on/taking care of her, to the pount she's not around enough to read through Nikei's bulshit and put together his whole manipulation plan in the bell tower or even investigate the place all that much (even if she was really curious about what was going on) because she knew Hibiki needed her more than anyone else by that point.

By the time Ch5 rolls around they're basically the only people who are still together and not separated/on their own at the start like everyone else, though much to Hibiki's dismay Kokoro starts dissapearing here and there because by now she is very much sure there's something off about her because she can Teruya and Syobai look/treat her in a strange manner. They know something about her, something that Kokoro herself doesn't know thus far and the curiosity has grown to the point it's killing her from the inside so she starts leaving Hibiki to try and get answers out of these people.

This process is pretty rocky and weird for Hibiki, she's at a point where she feels a lot of guilt over Kanade's kills for not realizing the kind of person she truly was, she also feels absolutely terrible for what happens to Setsuka's and still thinks of herself as her killer even if she was in her puppet stage then and Kanade had full control over her. So it falls upon Kokoro to get her out of this terrible state by telling her he couldn't have known about Kanade and everything she did wasn't her fault, and even if she does still blame herself for what happened to Setsuka, there's still people out there that don't hold it against her at all and want to see her as the bright, energetic girl they know her best as. So they spent a lot of Ch4 daily life just on these borderline-therapy-session talks and through it Hibiki even manages to get Kokoro to talk a bit about herself since as the person who's helping her she's more open to talk than in a normal FTEs scenario.

This in turns leads to Hibiki going after Sora and forming a duo of sorts with her by telling her they need to get eveyone back together because they're not beating Mikado all scattered like this, so they investigate Higa city together and try to get Yuki and Yoruko to come back to their senses. This means she was with Sora when they saw Yoruko trying to kill Yuki and later worked on making things up again, she decides to bring the two back to their rooms and it's when they part ways that Sora is kidnapped by Syobai.

But surprise! Surprise! Kokoro was stalking the guy and follows them after the fact. She decides to act and try to free Sora, taking Syobai by surprise as she pushes him to the floor, but in doing so his handbook falls and she sees that it has an emergency exit code. So Kokoro steals the handbook and runs off with Syobai chasing after her, it's when they leave that the others come in to rescue Sora and Kokoro activates the code herself. So after things have calmed down Hibiki brings up that she can't find Kokoro or Syobai anywhere and by the time the trial rolls around and she's also nowhere to be found she grabs Syobai by the collar and starts yelling at him to tell her where Kokoro is and what he did to her, to which Syobai refuses to awnser and just brushes it off by saying Kokoro is the one who's "Got it good now".

While the rest of the cast goes through trial 5, Kokoro is back at the real world so she's the one who later causes the shutdown/emergency reset that saves everyone from the mass execution, but only after she managed to break herself out of her own mind due to the sheer horror that came from her memories returning and the terrifying realization of why those three treated her so strangely. So for a while she's kinda in this state of shock hardly being able to process things amids this clash between her real memories and the memories from her time in the sim.

She's brought back to her senses when the Kisaragi foundation breaks into the building and she rushes to turn the simulation off so that the other's can wake up as well, she also wants to go and delete it as fast as possible since that's the one way she knows to stop Ai Mikado but she's restrained by the foundation agents shortly after the shutdown (they were already yelling at her to stop right there when she was shutting it down). By the time the others are coming out of the pods Kokoro has a gun on her head and Kinjo is threatening to arrest everyone.

Hibiki and Yoruko immediately try to run up to her and help but are stopped in their tracks by Kizuna and Ayame holding them back, it's in this moment that Hibiki sees there's something really wrong with Kokoro just out of the way she's acting. Her eyes are wide open, she looks super anxious/on edge constantly and stranest of all she's stuttering and quiet in a way she appeared as before, as if she's scared of doing as much as speaking to them.

Which she kinda is, in a way. Knowing that she's responsible for putting all these people in the killing game and much much worse has left her in a state where she feels like she doesn't even deserve to look ot direct her words to them, she's just anxiously waiting for everything to come crashing down and take in every insult, disdain and disgust they have to throw at her because for Kokoro this is what she deserves. And everything does go downhill for her, Ai Mikado shows up calling her "mother" and as the foundation agents explain her relationship with him and involvement on the killing game shortly after, soon enough they're back in the simulation for the last trial and then it's just blow after blow as more of her wrongdoings get exposed for all of her friends to see and turn into despising her.

So pretty much everyone hates her, obviously, but then you have Hibiki who's in a weird position in this whole mess. Yes, the others liked Kokoro or were even friends with her, but what they feel towards her is not nearly as much as Hibiki does because that's still the person who stayed by her side and helped her through quite literally the worst moment of her entire life, the same that comforted her when she had nightmares about Kanade and guided her to steer away from self-deprication and guilty over what Kanade's done (and forced her to do, in Setsuka's case) to the people she loved. And even now that everyone knows about all the awful things she did, Hibiki can't just ignore everything they went through during the killing game.

It's a sentiment of; "I don't know why you did all those nasty things and the fact still disturbs me, but for everything we went through and all you've done to me I will not turn my back on you now that you need someone by your side the most."

Gratitude and care I suppose + Kokoro is genuinely torn up and regretfully about these things so seeing that she did change and isn't the same cold women that did all that helps Hibiki be more inclined to stay by her side and give her another chance. Which is part of why she sticks around the Kisaragi foundation during the time Kokoro was working on bring Teruya and Rei back + deleting Ai Mikado for good, she just wants to be there for her even if Mitsume herself can't understand why she still considers her a friend knowing all she's responsible for.

She does genuinely appreciate her for staying though!

[kudzuoath]

Green-Eyed Regard

An unexpected visitor takes up with Temperance on the road to Baldur's Gate. She can't say she ever felt so worried about gaining the approval of a cat. Or more specifically, Gale's tressym, Tara.

–

There was a weight on her chest.

Temperance went from sleep to wakefulness between one breath and the next. Eyes still closed, she feigned dreaming and took in what she could. That pressure of course – very slight – the sound of Gale’s steady breathing, the crackle of the campfire beyond the tent they shared.

Nothing like the scent of blood disturbed the peace of the night. There were no shouts, barks, owlbear screeches.

Wary, she opened one eye.

The calico face of a cat swam out of the darkness above her. Luminous, judging eyes peered down at her from about two inches in front of her nose.

“Ah. There. I was wondering how long you were going to feign your disinterest in the one who has so graciously decided to perch upon you,” she said.

Temperance blinked. The cat was talking. She – no, she hadn’t taken a potion of animal speaking. They’d run out of those ages ago. And besides, she must have been asleep for hours before this point. The quality of light through the cracked tent flap was paler than it would have been if it were still the middle of the night.

Well.

She might as well embrace the strangeness.

“My apologies,” she croaked, voice rough with sleep.

The cat seemed to sit up straighter, lifting her face and making a little ‘mrrp’ of approval. The shift revealed more of her fluffy body – including a lovely set of feathered wings. Temperance only just managed to restrain herself.

Wings – a Tressym.

Gale’s tressym!

Or – well, either that or the man was simply bait for magical creatures.

“You must be Tara,” she said, unable to help her grin. “Gale’s friend?”

Tara lifted one paw – so like Gale’s own gestures she wondered who got it from who – and nodded. “Indeed I am! I suppose if you’re sharing a tent with Mr. Dekarios the two of you must be close? Hm?”

The Tressym leaned in close enough for her nose to touch the end of Temperance’s. Those luminous green eyes filled the world, and stared at her like they were uncertain if she were a mouse or a mephit.

While she didn’t mean to, she felt her smile go a little sappy. “You know he probably had an elaborate plan to introduce us.”

“That is not an answer to my question, young lady!” Tara batted at one of her horns and bared her needle sharp teeth.

Temperance turned her head, wincing exaggeratedly. Genuinely annoyed or not, Tara didn’t seem inclined to actually do her harm.

Beside her, she could see Gale still fast asleep. His hair was a disheveled mess, his beard was going in too many different directions to count, and his face was as relaxed as she’d ever seen it. This would be his best friend, wouldn’t it? She shifted carefully so as not to dislodge the tressym, and looked back up at her.

“I love him.” It was easy to say. He was so easy to love. Well – perhaps a bit exasperating at times – but no less the person her fractured heart went out to. “I hope that answers enough?”

Tara settled sphinx-like on Temperance’s sternum. She felt more than saw the way her tail switched back and forth. Her own tail had been known to do the same thing when she was thinking. Typically when she was thinking tactically.

“Yes,” Tara agreed – though not with Temperance. “Yes, I do believe you’ll do nicely. Mrs. Dekarios and I were both wondering when our young man might finally find someone to settle down with! We were beginning to think he never would.”

She blinked. “I – what?”

“I said –”

Temperance shook her head. “I heard you. No, I meant – well.” An awkward gesture skyward. “What about Mystra?”

Not for the first time she felt slightly lightheaded acknowledging the fact that Gale’s last relationship was with a goddess. It didn’t bother her – but it certainly made a woman want to stare off into space and contemplate what counted for normal these days.

“Pish,” said Tara. “As if one can truly settle down with a goddess. It’s not the same, you know. And dear Mrs. Dekarios can hardly expect grandchildren from that affair!”

Temperance choked. Then she went pink. And last she covered her face with one hand and shook with silent laughter. For some reason, all she could think of was Gale being Dame Aylin’s father. She was the only aasimar Temperance knew – and somehow she couldn’t imagine any other kind of personality to the child of a goddess.

A paw on her cheek, claws like little pinpricks. Not doing any damage, simply extended in a catlike reminder of their presence. “And what, pray tell, is so funny about that idea?”

“I don’t know if I can explain if you haven’t met Dame Aylin already.”

“The pale one?”

“I don’t think you know how much that doesn’t narrow things down.”

Tara sniffed. “With the wings.”

“Then yes, that’s her.”

“Well. She was being – if you’ll pardon my language – rather boisterous with that other young woman when I dropped by.”

“She’s been known to be that,” Temperance said dryly.

By now everyone in camp was well aware of how much Isobel and Aylin had missed each other. Shadowheart had finally lost all patience and cast silence on their tent two days back. Even Astarion – who only needed three hours of meditation a night – had been relieved.

Tara stepped lightly off of Temperance – allowing her to finally sit up – and padded over to Gale. Her face hovered over his as she eyed him with the most worried, critical expression Temperance had ever seen on a cat.

“Has he been alright? He’s been gone for some time, now...”

Temperance considered. He wasn’t set on dying for his goddess any longer. But something else was going on. When they’d finally surfaced in Moonrise Towers again, after fighting Myrkul’s avatar he’d breezed right past the moment that still filled her heart with ice water. Fixated instead on the black twists of metal perched upon the elder brain. On the crown.

And something about the fever bright quality of his eyes still bothered her.

Though of course, he had just been knocked silly and spent an entire day fighting. It wasn’t that odd to be a little… off kilter.

“Something has happened, hasn’t it?” The tressym asked. “You will inform me of it at once –”

“A lot has happened,” Temperance said. She moved to sit cross legged, giving up on any hope of sleeping. “I know you know about the orb.”

“Naturally.”

“Mystra sent Elmister…” what a bloody goddamn sentence that was. Who would have ever expected her to be able to speak of goddesses and heroes as casually as Wyll spoke of wine and dancing?

More than the strangeness though, there was the outrage. A flame lit itself in her heart that day after leaving the Grymforge. It had yet to diminish.

“He told Gale there was a way to earn her forgiveness. And her idea of forgiveness was blowing himself up on purpose.”

“She what?!” Tara yowled.

Temperance was glad the cat was no longer on her with how her claws shredded at the tarp below them. It was gratifying though, to see someone from Gale’s past be properly angry about it. Her anger didn’t quite apply to Elminster – but she couldn’t say she was very fond of the man given the role he’d taken on. Even if it wasn’t one he could necessarily say no to.

“Oh if I get my claws on her I’ll – I’ll –” Tara descended into hissing and spitting and made a combative swipe at the air, wings up, fur bristling.

“I’ll help,” Temperance said. Even though she knew her chances of biting a goddess were astronomically low. And more importantly – Gale wouldn’t want her to. She sighed and leaned into one of her hands. Much as she didn’t want to give Mystra any grace – she did want Tara to have all the information. “There's a cult. We were to track down its heart… and when we did, we discovered that heart was an enslaved elder brain.”

“I… I see,” Tara said, taken aback. “How on earth did he manage to get himself tangled up in all of this…”

“Well,” said Gale, startling them both. “When you’re abducted by a mind flayer ship and infected with one of their young, it's a tad difficult to avoid looking into the matter.”

“Mr. Dekarios!” Tara said, going up on her hind legs so she could put her forepaws on him. Like a very small concerned parent. Her wings flared out, batting Temperance slightly. “Why, you’ve had no idea how worried I’ve been! And Mind flayers! How long do you have? We must eject that foul passenger immediately.”

Gale smiled, eyes overbright and voice a little hoarse. “It's gratifying to hear you haven’t given up on me.”

Tara sat back primly. “I’ve known you since before you had that thing on your face, let alone what's in it. I’m hardly going to let you go now. You’ve been a worrisome but all together worthy companion to have!”

“Why you have such a problem with my beard I’ll never understand,” he said, laughing. There was a watery quality to it.

“I think he looks dashing,” Temperance said dryly. Without thinking, she reached out and smoothed his beard down. Something that made Gale look at her with such affection her face went hot.

The tressym sniffed. “Blinded by love, clearly.” And then she sighed. “I suppose I’ve dealt with worse flaws in a pet.”

“Oh you’ve your work out for you yet, Tara my dear. She’s just as curious as I am.”

“Hmm…” Once more, Temperance was being eyed by the tressym. “Judging by those arms of hers, she isn’t a wizard. I do believe I can handle it, Mr. Dekarios.”

Temperance surprised herself with a loud bark of laughter that she quickly covered with one hand. She’d been working on letting those out lately. Unfortunate that it had to happen at the crack of dawn.

“Now,” said Tara. “I expect you to introduce me?"

“Ah, of course.” Gale reached out and took Temperance’s hand. Absently running his thumb over her scarred knuckles and looking at her with an expression so soft she felt like she’d submerged herself in a hot bath. Oh they both had it bad, didn’t they? “Tara! This is my love, Temperance. Temperance, this is my dear friend, Tara.”

Tara inclined her head like a queen. “Yes. Yes I do believe I approve. Even if you also insist on having things on your face.”

“Alas, the tattoos are here to stay,” she said, unoffended. “It is lovely to meet you, Tara. Gale speaks of you often.”

The Tressym smiled in the way only felines could, tail switching back and forth again. “I cannot wait to let Mrs. Dekarios knows about the two of you!”

[animentality]

You know, if you think about it… there’s something powerful about durgetash existing entirely in body language and implications. If it was stated out loud, especially by Gortash, there’d be a lot more question of “does he really mean it, or is he lying?”. It could be easily tossed aside as a manipulation tactic on his part. But when half the reason we ship it is based on little smiles and the tone of Enver’s voice when he talks to Durge? Well, how can you even question it being real. You can’t call it manipulation because he’s not getting anything out of acting like a lovesick fool. It comes off as he just can’t help himself but show a glimpse of what used to be between you. And the letter of forgiveness is compelling because it’s not a flowery, out of character confession of capital-L-love. It’s not basic and cringey and it doesn’t erode the monster that is the Dark Urge. It simply forces us to ask ourselves how deep that admiration for a chosen of a sworn foe has to go before it’s necessary to repent for it. Everything makes sense as soon as you ask the question “why would Durge feel the need to beg forgiveness in the first place? Surely simple admiration is harmless enough?”. Put together with that lovesick smile you get walking into the coronation? Everything falls into place, even for some of the normies once they get that far, and the game never needs to say a word.

you are preaching to the choir, anon.

I find it so intoxicating precisely because it has such small evidence... and yet that evidence is honestly kind of powerful nonetheless?

like on the surface level, yeah it's one note and a couple of lines and one scene... but.

orin literally has a note in her room specifying that you "worshipped" the other Chosens and I know she's not talking about Ketheric, who seems to view you with mild irritation.

plus he lives pretty far away.

the prayer of forgiveness is nuts too, because I simply don't believe you'd pray to your parent/god for forgiveness for anything short of blasphemy. and what is blasphemy for the child of murder?

why it's cherishing life. a life, specifically.

the life of your rival.

and like... EURGH, orin's stupid line about how Gortash has always known how to "leave you twisted in his cords" or something like that, like, the fuck do you mean by that, bitch??

and just... that one scene... he just prowls around you like a cat in heat.

he's so happy you're back.

and he isn't lying to you! that's honestly the most confusing and wonderful thing about it.

he is telling the truth about your relationship and he's telling the truth about wanting to rule the world with you, just like you promised.

he's the world's most dedicated and loyal boyfriend, who was never happy with your replacement and always wanted you back.

it's a fucked up thing they had.

it was also tender and sweet and oddly wholesome, considering how they both had a degree of respect and fondness for one another.

and that's why durgetash lives rent free in my head and heart.

it exists in the margins, as something quite imaginary, and also quite real if you actually stop and look.

it's a work of art, crafted by us, elaborated upon by our work, from scant evidence.

we were given scraps, but as starving mad creatures, that was enough to fuel us through the winter, and now we all bark for blood.

[edennill]

thoughts on númenórean kings — ar-adunakhor:

taking an adunaic regnal name was breaking custom, but nothing wrong per se. as a symbolic act, in conjunction with everything else that was happening, it left the faithful uneasy, but on it's own... finrod might have applauded.

the meaning of the adunaic regnal name was specifically calculated to shock, and was a fairly accurate representation of what adunakhor thought of himself. that was less okay.

(there was a rumour that the lord of andunie fainted when he heard it. he didn't, but he politely excused himself from the rest of the proceedings under the pretence of sickness and the gossip mill took that and ran.)

and then adunakhor banned the teaching of elven tongues. which were an intrinsic part of the culture for half the isle.

(to elaborate, speaking them at home was not yet forbidden; teaching them to your children officially was, but no one paid it much attention... giving actual lessons was punished with disproportionate harshness and speaking them in public buildings, especially school, was a very easy way to lose your position/be expelled.

he walks a fine line between his natural snobbishness, and the wish to portray himself as a friend of the people, both externally and internally.

he really thinks of himself as a protector, a nurturer, a student of their customs. but at the same time, he exists within a worldview that proclaims the lower classes are there to serve the aristocracy. he is personally uneasy with these contradictions sometimes, but not enough to try changing anything.

and yes, he has an absolute passion for history of the edain — but the official narrative has been severely bastardised at this point, and when he reaches for the original sources, he is only looking for confirmation of his own theses, so the "history" part is somewhat doubtful.

still, the historical propaganda he commissions is at least artistically impeccable.

this whole thing is probably not going to interest anyone except me, but I came upon one of these king's-men-leaning blogs from ten years ago and read a characterisation for him that... well, it works very well as what he would have personally seen himself as, but doesn't stand on it's own imo. I might make these for the other kings one day or another.

[burgerrat]

@hofnarrofficial said: gimme everything you got just bury me alive (only if thats possible ofc lmao)

Ok.

Turbo's favourite movie is Herbie: Fully Loaded

He has ALWAYS been flamboyant/effeminate like you see King Candy being. I hate seeing people portray Turbo as this perpetually grumpy/angry bitter person all the time all because of the revelation scene being the one 'real scene' we have of Turbo in his original form. The reason why Ralph wouldn't recognize the similar behaviour pattern is because he didn't know Turbo well enough since he rarely ever left his own game unless it was to go to Tapper's to have a root beer and brag about winning to anyone who'd listen (mainly Felix). Need a 'draw/write Turbo being silly and goofy like King Candy is' solidarity.

Contrary to popular belief, he does like the color pink- he just has a very specific preference for that particular salmon shade of pink.

Turbo and the twins all had racecar beds to sleep in back in TurboTime.

Candybug's desire to take over the entire arcade at the end of the movie is his new cy-bug coding speaking; all Turbo has ever wanted is to race again and be in the spotlight. He would struggle to control his bug instincts not just in terms of resisting beacons of light but also in terms of acting upon intrusive thoughts in general. Mix that with anger and hopelessness that he'll likely never be able to drive again in this new form and you've got the perfect recipe for disaster, because what more does he have to lose?

Do not misunderstand: I too dislike the trope of 'he's just misunderstood' since that is far from the truth, but that doesn't mean he can't have moments where you feel empathy for him (at least in my case): you are programmed to be the protagonist of your world, the best, that is your sole purpose in the life you have. You become addicted to the attention you recieve- foolishly not thinking once that it's possible that may not be the same thing tomorrow. Once that is suddenly taken away, you don't understand why- you're the best. And because you are the best, instead of processing your losses normally, you won't let go. You're instead determined to take back what was rightfully yours. By any means possible. Making the biggest mistake of your life- you kill not just your neighbors but your own home out of impulse. You are to blame for the choice you took- guilt becomes rage, rage becomes bitterness, bitterness becomes calculative; why cry over spilled milk? The damage is done, and your code is desperately crying out to do what you were made to do: race. All you can do is start anew... don't dwell on the past if you want to have the spotlight again, processing your mistake doesn't matter anyway; and so, once a new racing game is in town- you'd be frothing at the mouth to hop in after decades of isolation, wouldn't you? You'd do anything, if you were that desperate and awfully selfish.

This leads us to the following: Turbo had a mental breakdown during his years of isolation, mainly because he was unable to race; this is why he laughs and giggles no matter the mood he's in as King Candy. It's a form of tic.

This might be a bit OOC? But whatever. Hilariously enough King Candy is a somewhat decent(take that with a grain of salt, I'll elaborate in a moment) fatherly figure: he treats the SR racers like they're his adopted kids. I say somewhat decent because of course he completely excludes Vanellope and because he picks favourites; Taffyta, Rancis and Candlehead are his golden children and because of that, he's sometimes willing to swallow his pride and let them cross the finish line before him.

Taffyta is VERY competitive and sometimes will get unreasonably aggressive to win and that's something KC admires in her because it reminds him so much of himself and the bond he used to have with the Twins, especially when competing. Another reason why Taffyta bullies Vanellope is because she knows King Candy dislikes her wish to compete and she feels like this is something that would please him regardless of his approval of it.

Again maybe kind of OOC-ish but I sincerely don't think Turbo outright hates Vanellope herself like. As a person; she has done nothing, but she does pose a threat to blowing his cover and he is not going to allow her. The one thing that bothers him a lot about her is her stubborness to race and always finding a way to weasel into the Random Roster Race. During the tunnel scene where he straight up becomes violent towards her, you can tell she's never seen him this angry to her before; this leads me to believe he never blew up on her before because, regardless of how much of a threat she posed for him; in his mind- he figured she likely would never really be in a situation where she would actually cross the finish line, and she's just a child, so why bother? Of course. That is until she sprints right past him on the race track and the rest is history. (And I have to clarify again I AM NOT justifying his actions; there is no 'justifying' any of it. This is an observation because of the reactions/expressions/etc. seen in the scene.)

Writing that previous hc reminded me of this and I just had to include it because I can SO see this happening 😭 it's hilarious and wholesome in a way.

I saw something about this on @king-crawler 's blog and I feel like I should bring this up bc it rubbed me the wrong way: I donno about you but to me, Turbo programming himself as King of Sugar Rush is not ego thing (not the main reason behind it at least!); it's to avoid suspicion in general within the game because ALL of the SR racers are children. It would be suspicious and really fuckin' weird to have a character programmed as an adult that isn't an NPC/side-character like Sour Bill or the donut cops to just be among them like nothing, regardless if he wipes their memories they (or other candy subjects) will question it. He's not stupid, in the game there's supposed to be a royal figure, no? So, it'd make perfect sense for that figure to be a supposedly 'wise' King that looks after all his subjects and makes sure rules aren't broken. So to me it's less of something done out of selfishness and more of just being able to go by unnoticed, he programmed himself as King to fit in with the whole 'monarchy' concept within SR. At the end of the movie when Vanellope says she doesn't want to be a princess, you get a little glimpse of how much the candy subjects depend and rely on a 'higher figure' to function.

As King Candy, he believes himself to be cute. (adding this side note just in case bc I shit you not this is genuinely something people have argued and mocked me over: don't come at me for this. I have my opinion, you have yours and I'm not going to change it for you; as a fan for a whole decade who has known in tge past other fans, there ARE people that find him cute as I do /gen /lh) He shamelessly indulges in that and he WILL use that as a manipulation tactic to get what he wants- sometimes playing with your emotions as well by tugging at your heart strings and overall painting himself to be a 'frail silly old man' in sn exaggerated manner so you'll give in to whatever he wants- and once you agree suddenly the 'frail' old monarch has an outburst of energy and joy, completely shedding off this fragile-pitiful facade.

Turbo has somehow rescued the Turbo Twins before his game was unplugged and I have evidence to prove this:

He has their codes tucked into his own (bad example I know but kind of like how an opossum mom keeps her joeys in her pouch); he keeps them in a dormant state this way by not allowing them to have separate code boxes of their own. The reasons behind this are simple: he doesn't want two characters that very obviously don't belong in the game to roam around freely, he has enough trouble with Vanellope as it is; and he knows that if he lets them awaken and respawn, they will criticize him for the path he chose to go down- and he doesn't want to deal with that because, for him, it would be pointless and it'd only bring frustration he doesn't need. He would rather keep them as ghosts of the past hidden in his pocket.

Speaking of Vanellope: Turbo is awfully envious of her driving skills, she's the first racer that has bested him on the track. Another selfish reason why he doesn't want her to race- goodness forbid a child beating you at what you're passionate about and arriving in second place.

When overly emotional- be it positive or negative feelings- King Candy would sometimes temporarily glitch back to his original form as Turbo because his code is old, filled to the brim with stuff, it's bound to have a few crack and tears here and there, like an old but still functioning car with a rusty engine; this issue has only accentuated after the glitching-exchange during the tunnel scene.

Speaking of which- because there were little to no censorships in 70's videogames, Turbo bleeds. It's pixelated blood because it cannot be processed through the programming of Sugar Rush since the game was not made to have any graphic themes in it. If one of the racers gets hurt- they quite literally just bleed coding.

Turbo often smokes.

Turbo sometimes gets sick of eating nothing but candy and will send out Sour Bill to get him something salty to eat from another game. He has his own little stack of junk food and other non-sweets within the castle.

He's not just the King of Candy, he's THE LORD OF THE DANCE! (watch at your own risk I warn you /hj)

CURSED JOKES ASIDE I unironically like to think he is a good dancer. Nobody beats him at tap-dancing and The Bus Stop. (He's from the 70's so it'd make sense he's familiar with a lot of funky/disco dance moves)

[amazing-spiderling]

For the character ask game, Scott Summers and/or Kurt Wagner, #7 & #12

<3

7. What’s something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

Scott: People making jokes about Scott yelling "JEAAAAN :00000" all the time will never not be funny to me. IDK there's just something about people who end up marrying their high school sweethearts that's a little wacky. And as much as I enjoy ragging on the guy, I am glad that the fandom has come around and is appreciating his character development, especially from the last 20 years of comics.

Kurt: I've literally never met an X-Men/comics fan that doesn't like Kurt. Like he may not be their FAVORITE, but he's kinda the unproblematic fave of the fandom, so if you bring him up, the odds of people having something positive to say are pretty high. If anything, I think people are better about criticizing a bad writer or bad production decisions for any wonky characterization, rather than jumping to, "this is why this character sucks" like I've seen them do for other characters in comics.

12. What’s a headcanon you have for this character?

Scott: Wow, my feelings about Scott are kind of a jumble. I haven't read that many comics that focused on him specifically, so I feel like I'm drawing from all of the various media interpretations... I hesitate to make a claim about comics Scott because I'll say something like, "he writes a blog about baking" and someone is going to come in and be like, "X-Factor explicitly stated that he writes about gardening".

Okay, upon a little thought, I do have one. After he was resurrected following whatever the hell was going on between the Inhumans and Mutants in "Death of X", Scott felt REALLY BAD about what happened to my boy Alchemy, and we didn't see it, but offscreen he made sure that Tom was at the front of the line for Mutants to bring back to life on Krakoa. He yelled at Emma about it, too. (That last part probably was elaborated on, but I want to imagine that he was mad about that death in particular, since she used his voice/commanding personality so heavily and ended up getting Alchemy killed without a second thought.)

Kurt: I guess I'm not really sure if this is a headcanon or just like, a gut feeling- but... I don't see Kurt ever settling down, getting married, having kids. Which is kind of a wild thing to say because the man is HUSBAND MATERIAL THROUGH AND THROUGH and Marvel writers who get to take a swing at future versions of the X-Men love giving him a family... but he's always married to some rando who showed up in one (1) forgettable comic from 30 years ago that nobody remembers. It's sort of the problem of having chemistry with everyone, but then maybe not having a "spark" with one person in particular.

My use of the word "spark" here is intentional- as those familiar with his arc during the recent Krakoa era of X-Men comics might have picked up. Kurt creates the idea of a "spark" as a universal concept for Mutants of any/all faiths to embrace, a means to protect the sanctity and respect for the miracle of life. He was one of the few to recognize the need for Mutants to have something outside of themselves to pursue, and it came at no small cost to himself. In fact, he became something of an outsider, observing the community he loved, so that he could better serve them- and that I think is the crux of the issue. His "true love" is not another person, it's the preservation of a dream, and providing hope to all mutants. Even in the alternate world where he married Wanda and they had TJ, the couple lives apart from one another, each a part of their own respective teams because while they loved each other, they realized they could not focus on their duty when they were together. The mission still came first. I don't know that I mean he should join the conventional priesthood (if only because time has shown not enough comics writers are well versed enough in organized religion to write convincing and compelling comic stories about it) but his devotion to the Legionaries was close enough for me.

It's a bit of a double edged sword- I think it's something that makes his character unique, and I could turn this idea over and over in my head endlessly, but it comes at a bit of a cost from a meta perspective. I think part of the reason there's not as much fiction for the poor boy is because he doesn't have really solid canon ship fodder (NightWolves shippers have all my respect, mind you, but somehow it seems to draw a niche crowd?), so he tends to sit in the background like charming blue set dressing. It's okay though, we all still love him.

[sleepy-aletheas]

I'm t h i s close to losing my mind over Teyvat's history, origin story, and cycles of eras, and it's the fault of the world's architecture and Simulanka's Narration Footnotes quest of all things. Tonight I've been running around for 3 hours just through Mondstadt, Liyue, Underground Chasm, Enkanomiya, Seirai and Tsurumi Island, and already I'm ready to gnaw at a brick.

Genshin never hid the notion that there were different eras of population in places. It's explained away easily enough - time changes, people change, the rise and fall of civilizations is inevitable, especially with the history the characters personally touch upon. But when we got more elaboration through the Narzissenkreuz questline about the cycles Teyvat is going through, it expanded upon the little exclamation point at the back of my silly head, because it made me scrutinize all the places that made me pause with a confused "huh" for a long time now.

(Wolfy is also at fault. Or better said, all the recent quests and events are heavily dropping future points and the lore of the past in very flowery metaphors and allegories that would be easily brushed away if they didn't point it out over and over and ov-)

The thing with the design of the world is, that it's very deliberate. I mean, sure, we could chalk most of it up as reusing assets and retroactively giving them meaning, but the architecture follows a pretty consistent logic that we can map out physically (digitally?) in-game by walking from place to place.

And because of this logic, I've been losing my mind for months now, because I couldn't put my finger on what was really bothering me, cause whenever it sparked in my mind, I never wrote it down and then promptly forgot because something else caught my attention. Now I don't have that problem, cause I write stuff down in a journal, so I can brainrot through all of it to my heart's content (and to the chagrin of my eternal migraine).

Anyway. Teyvat's history timeline is a mess. It makes sense if you skim it or take it at face value in the moment, but the more one tries to think about it, before the Archon War, it's nonexistent, really. Paimon herself was in shock that there was anything before the gods that walk the earth (that was through the conversation with Enjou at the end of Enkanomiya's main quest where we got Before Sun and Moon and found out about the Dragon Sovereigns and Primordial One).

The book was held at a high esteem, because in-game logic dictated for a good while, that the book (or anything from Enkanomiya, really) cannot be tampered with from outside forces, and that because a scribe wrote down what Istaroth herself told him, it must be 100% true. But, because this is Unreliable Narrator: The Video Game, I wanna hold it with a grain of salt for a bit, cause if Sumeru's desert quests have taught me anything, it's that no one is outside the realm of getting things wrong through misunderstandings, assumptions, or outright lies (and that counts for Gods and Sovereigns too btw).

The thing is, the game deliberately tosses clues and leads around across the spectrum from obvious to throwaway lines or visuals. The foreshadowing is being put into place all along, and it's not just "oh, what will happen next patch?" or "this is the new area, right?" specific things either. There are quests and books and characters that are mirroring something that happened once upon a time (or in the present), but a person has to deliberately listen for this to catch, otherwise it just becomes a fun tidbit that maybe connects sooner than later, or it just completely slips the mind and comes back seemingly as new information.

Okay, back to the point of Teyvat's architecture in connection with civilizations and cycles of eras shenanigans.

There is this one specific architecture that keeps popping out across every single nation, you know the one. It has triquetra and intertwined lines (would braided be a better word for it? plaited?), with the stones big and smooth, the edges blunted. It truly is everywhere one tries to look, but it's interesting where it lays and where the region-specific architecture intertwine or avoid each other.

We could assume that that was the United Civilization, the first before it got split apart, laying across Teyvat in unison. That should be the original style. But then we got the Underground Chasm and Enkanomiya, and it throws a wrench into the whole neat fact, it makes one question what is going on.

Enkanomiya was thrown away from surface Teyvat, cut off from any connection to any divinity or other people, stuck with vishaps in the dark. And yet it's the same architecture as the Chasm, they even have the same glowing stones inside their square pillars, their walls have wavy lines carved out, it's all very angular and the stone also is more white than grey. And then there is Clymene (a shade in Enkanomiya, the ward of the Sunchildren) that says something along the lines of "I haven't seen someone dressed like you in a long time" which raises so many questions, and we never got back to it (shaking my fist at the sky, this lives in my head for years now). And on a lesser note, both reside underground, where you can see the cave arch high above and reaching deep beneath the areas. (And on another sidenote, it's interesting how similar Enkanomiya, Chasm, and Remuria have their architecture, lots of massive white stone and gold)

Old Mondstadt had actually a wider reach than expected. It wasn't limited only to the hollowed place that is now Stormterror Lair with high cliffs all around, but we can see the ruin leftovers stretching to Cecilia's Garden and all the way to Dawn Winery. Old Mondstadt had a combination of rose stems with thorns, moline crosses (or that's the closest I could compare it to), what looks like lily of the valley, domed roofs, and again the big smoothed out stones. The biggest mystery that stand out to me are the two smooth pillars in by Cecilia's garden that don't fit anywhere (it doesn't even fit the ones around the Thousand Winds Temple, where they're carved again with wavy criss-crossing lines).

Speaking of Thousand Winds Temple, that one's also coming up around in different places across the places I looked at. It's obviously across the east of Mondstadt, the secret forgotten island where the other sundial rests (and there are interesting symbols too, like the stylized infinity swirling around, the pedestal before the sundial reminiscent of the light realm sigil associated with Tokoyo Ookami, and a knot in the middle). If anything, there are other symbols that resemble the triquetra close enough to be chalked up as the same thing, but they're differently depicted that I can't unsee. Then there is the pavement, and oh my god, that haunts me. Because it can be found on the forgotten island, Thousand Winds Temple, but it's also in the underground ruins on Seirai Island (Amakumo Peak, where you first have to solve puzzles to drain the water levels), and around Tsurumi Island in general (the buried architecture reminds me of Vinagnir, I wonder if they're from the same time or not, the wall drawings would fit on their own). Istaroth had to have a direct hand in many places, because she just keeps popping up.

And Liyue has a pretty clear distinction between what Morax ruled and where he laid Guili Plains (pretty square structures with distinct symbols) and what was probably before. Bishui Plain pretty much is connected through the large grey stones, triquetra, and wavy lines, with a distinct detail of a lattice symbolism in the salt carrying pillars in Sal Terrae, or the dragon statues situated across Wuwang Hill and Qingce Village. In Jueyun Karst, where we have to drain the water to reach Tiashan Mansion, there is a similar mechanism as in Old Mondstadt (just a fun detail). It's also a fun thing to note, that in Guyun Stone Forest, the space where the geo hypostasis rests, the ground has again a resemblance to the light realm sigil, so that's fun to look around for later. All that to say, it makes me personally curious when did Morax and Guizhong become allies, because it had to be during the Archon War to make any lick of sense.

All of this to say: I completely lost the plot. I'm so sleepy, I stayed up the whole night again. I digress.

It's obvious that there is some time shenanigans going on, where there are crashes of architecture and history. The conflicting ideas of who came first - dragon or human (probably both, cause everything most likely is a dream (which i get is annoying for many people, but i think the game is trying to not use it as a copout to drop all meaning out the window once it's over like all the bad dream based stories did; they're really hammering in that even if something is just a dream or a fantasy, it's still an experience lived through and its meaning has equal value as reality)), and what the changes of cycles look like or work like. Like we know they exist, and technically one can go from one cycle into the next one (like golden bee Sybila (later known as Phobos)), but otherwise we don't know what happens at the end of one, or how the transition works or looks.

Next time I have any grain of energy left, I need to crawl through the rest of Teyvat to sate this need to know stuff. But that's for later.

I should stop talking, nothing is making sense to me anyway and I'm not rereading any of this (will i still toss this out here? apparently yes. there is no restraint when i can barely keep my eyes open, and i choose to not care).

[insertdisc5]

Devlog #9: Play and Testing

Hello everyone! Welcome to this month’s devlog!

If you just stumbled upon this, I am Adrienne, also known as insertdisc5! I’m the developer, writer, artist, main programmer, etc of the game. The game being In Stars and Time, which is the next and final game in the START AGAIN series, following START AGAIN: a prologue (available here!).  You can find out more about In Stars and Time here!!! 

Anyway, this month's devlog is gonna be about playtesting!

LET’S GET TO IT

Playtesting!!! Has finally started!!! 

So a few weeks ago, I gave a code to the game to a few dozen friends, and they’re all slowly playing through it and giving me their feedback. Finally, a small sample of people (that are not me or QA) get to play Da Game…

To elaborate a bit more on QA vs Playtesting (at least for this game??? I don’t know if that’s how it is for other games???), my publisher Armor Games has a QA team whose job it is to play through the game and check for bugs! As a QA team member from Armor Games puts it, QA is about

1. Making sure the main path functions correctly (aka no soft/hard locks, no blockers, etc),

2. Attempting to check every interaction in every possible situation, and,

3. Confirming previously known issues that are stated as fixed are actually fixed, and that no new issues resulted from the fix!

What I’ve been doing for the past few months is wait patiently for the team to tell me “Adrienne, this thing happened and we’re not sure if it’s intended or a bug” and I go “it’s a bug” and I fix it and then the game is better. Know that their work is irreplaceable and SORELY needed. Thank you QA team, and thank you to QA teams everywhere.

Playtesting is (again, for this game) me giving the beta to some trusted friends and telling them “what do you think? Is it good? Do you GET IT? Also you’re a Normal Gamer ™ and play like a Normal Gamer ™ and not like me (the dev, I made the game, I know the game so I won’t do anything “”weird””) or the QA team (who are trying to break the game so it can be fixed, so they play in very specific ways) so your experience is valuable please tell me everything you’re thinking plz”.

Having some people playtesting the game is very, very fun. I told them right away “If i had my way i would want to stand behind you really close and look into your brain to hear every single thought you have, but once every so often is fine <3” so I’ve gotten a lot of very excited livetweeting my way, which is. The Best Thing Ever. For me, the most important part of playtesting was figuring out if the story was good! Beyond “does the story make sense?”, I asked a few times “so, what are your theories Right Now”, to see if my crumbs of foreshadowing were leading them where I wanted to, or if it led them in completely the wrong direction (which is also fun teehee). Also yes I did get a lot of screaming already. Love it when my friends yell at me that the story made them feel something <3

Having Normal Gamers ™ play the game means I also got some valuable feedback on some other important stuff, like: Does the game feel good to play? Are the battles too easy, too hard? Is there anything I can do to make the game better? Do you get what’s going on, or are you completely lost as to what you should do next? Thanks to them, I figured out where the game needed more explanations or tutorials, so hopefully this should make for a smoother experience!

Having a bunch of different eyes on the game was also VERY useful for typos and various writing mistakes. Did you know “discretely” and “discreetly” are two different words??? I learned that this week!!! Wow!!! And also did you know that I am bad at remembering the difference between East and West? I messed it up three times in the script!!! Oops!!! I’m bad at directions!!!

Of course, with feedback comes not-positive feedback as well! I did get some feedback on a potentially upsetting scene- I didn’t warn for it enough, and a friend thought it was too sudden and shocking, and would’ve appreciated some warning. I left the scene in, but I made sure to warn for its contents before it happens, so players can avoid it entirely if they’d rather not see it! In Stars and Time deals with some heavy subjects, but I want to make sure players can skip some of it if they know it would upset them. As a note, we don’t have the content warnings written down yet, but we definitely will before the game comes out! They’ll be pretty similar to START AGAIN: a prologue’s.

Overall, I’m very glad I got over my apprehension and showed the game off a bit. I’m getting some extremely valuable feedback (negative AND positive!) that I wouldn’t have gotten elsewhere. Anyway, this just turned into a “hey if you’re making a game you should have people play it BEFORE it comes out. I know it’s scary. I know you’re afraid of showing people something you made. I know you’re afraid of The Feedback. But also it’s better to have The Feedback now from people you love and trust, rather than all at once from strangers. Please make people playtest your game” manifesto for small indie devs. This is also addressed to past me. I didn’t ask enough people to playtest my previous game before it came out and I missed some obvious bugs. PLEASE ASK YOUR FRIENDS TO PLAY YOUR GAME THEY’RE YOUR FRIENDS AND WANT TO PLAY YOUR FUN GAME

(In other non-playtesting news, I had an interview with Pocket Tactics if you wanna read it! It's good!!!)

That’s all I have to say for today! Let me know if you have any questions, or if there’s any aspect of the game development struggle you’d like me to talk about! See you next time!!!

AND DON’T FORGET TO WISHLIST THE GAME ON STEAM ALSO IT REALLY HELPS BECAUSE STEAM’S ALGORITHM IS MORE LIKELY TO SHOW OFF GAMES WITH A HIGH AMOUNT OF WISHLISTS THAT’S THE REASON WHY GAME DEVS ALWAYS ASK TO WISHLIST!!! OKAY BYE!!!!

[gellavonhamster]

13 books meme

Tagged by @littlestsnicket (thank you ❤)

1) The Last book I read: One Piece Novel Heroines by Jun Esaka, which I've already been posting about enough not to elaborate here

2) A book I recommend: can I copy your homework plagiarize the answer to this from the person who tagged me? Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke. I know a lot of people find it too long or just not their cup of tea, but it's one of my all-time favourites, one of those books that feel like they were written for me specifically, and I cannot help recommending it to others :)

3) A book that I couldn’t put down: I remember reading TFOTA #2 and #3 (The Wicked King and The Queen of Nothing by Holly Black) in a single day. I was feeling unwell, and it was cold outside anyway, so I just spent most of the day reading in bed. I recall being surprised by how engrossed I was - the first book of this series didn't grow on me until well into its second half.

4) A book I’ve read twice (or more): I have this sideblog on Twitter where I post a quote from Dracula per day (yes, manually, I don't know how to make bots lol). I just move down the text and skim it and pick sentences that catch my eye, and when I reach the end, I start from the beginning again. So, in a way, I am constantly in the process of rereading Dracula

5) A book on my TBR: Chrétien de Troyes' Perceval and a bunch of its continuations, Lolly Willowes by Sylvia Townsend Warner

6) A book I’ve put down: the thing is, if I don't really enjoy a book but still can find a good thing or two about it, I will keep reading and hoping it will improve eventually, and if I don't enjoy a book at all, I forget about it as soon as I put it down. Out of sight, out of mind - unless I particularly hate it. When I try to think of any books of the latter kind, the first to come to my mind usually is A Discovery of Witches. I found the worldbuilding really interesting, but damn, the protagonists were so annoying that I wasn't going to struggle through that brick of a book for it.

7) A book on my wish list: I need to get a copy of The Bad Beginning, The Wide Window, and The Hostile Hospital, and then I'll have the entire ASOUE collected! Would also love to get any other Snicketverse books; I only have Poison for Breakfast - bought it literally last weekend. I could buy them online, of course, but: 1) I prefer to avoid online shopping if there is realistic possibility for me to come across that item offline; 2) accidentally stumbling onto these books in bookshops (especially second-hand ones) when I least expect them feels like such a right experience for this series that I am inclined to continue acquiring them that way.

8) A favorite book from childhood: Winnie-the-Pooh and The House at Pooh Corner... truly formative shit, responsible for at least 50% of my sense of humour

9) A book you would give to a friend: I was at my friend's place recently and noticed she had the exact same copy of Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury as I do. When I told her about it, she told me it was I who gave her that book (I forgot 🤦‍♀️) and that she loves it and rereads it almost every autumn :') So this one has definitely passed the test.

10) A book of poetry or lyrics that you own: I have a whole shelf full of poetry books, in fact. At least half of them weren't bought by me, but by my family members long before I was born, but presently all of them are considered mine :D Those that I bought myself include collections of poems by Christina Rossetti, Emily Dickinson, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Oscar Wilde, and Marina Tsvetaeva, among other things. And Useless Magic by Florence Welch!

11) A nonfiction book you own: I stumbled upon The Republic of Pirates by Colin Woodard in the same second-hand bookshop where I bought all the parts of ASOUE I currently have and couldn't believe my luck - I really wanted to read it after watching Black Sails! It's great.

12) What are you currently reading: Tristan and Isolde. Restoring Palamede by John Erskine. Really enjoying it so far; it sort of demystifies/disenchants Arthuriana but without excessive cynicism, with the narrator being understanding, perhaps even compassionate, when describing the characters' very realistic, human flaws. Technically I'm also reading E. W. Hornung's short stories about Raffles and Bunny through the Letters from Bunny Substack, but it's more like "desperately trying to catch up and failing". The stories themselves are delightful, but I was right to suspect that this way of reading books is not for me.

13) What are you planning on reading next? Dracula in Istanbul (the Turkish translation/adaptation of Dracula), courtesy of @seawilde <3

tagging @afoxnamedmulder, @seawilde, @lefresne, @uupiic, and @snckt; as always, feel free to ignore if you don't want to answer :)

[helpimtrappedinthetextbox]

https://youtu.be/a7nWTONu8S4?si=aCtqd5v8oWlORhzL

Fun little conversation I had where I threw a link at my friend :DD (said friend being @cant-think-to-save-my-life )

(I'm Grape Sonic Father Yeastest and friend is Great Ainsley Dearest)

Everything beyond this leads to a cursed conclusion we came to. I recommend you look away. Scared for life over here.

Now, to explain how we got to the cursed conclusion, let's go over a play by play of the rest of the conversation (pls watch the video first, there is a few references to it in the conversation)

So after the first part, the conversation turns to me mentioning I find Niklous Hendriks to be a hot mfer. How my two types of fictional me at 1) Bumbling Idiot with a good heart and 2) a WALKING Red Flag

Friend responds with A Red Flag??? He's 50

I had no choice but to retort with a statement my beloved cousin had told me, 'Dating is also a form of Self Harm'

Friend: Can gay people stop causing their own problems?? /hj /lh

Me: fr 💀

I proceed to state that, in my own opinion, the first pose has 'Whore Behavior' all over it and that I was fully here for it (like hawt damn he's so fine)

Friend said fair, then states that if Niky wasn't doing what he's doing rn he'd probably be whoring out there

Enough to make Finn jealous

Then, in their own words, they had a 'Horrifying absolutely abysmal thought'

And then proceeded to say that there's a concerning and terrifying chance that, even in a different timeline, Finn and Niklous could have fucked.

I then expressed my absolute hatred for them, as well as my hatred that this could have absolutely could have happened.

I then elaborate upon what SPECIFICALLY those thoughts were.

Like that they would have done it multiple times and traded off on who was in which position, and that they most definitely tried kinky things.

That they probably met up several times over the course of Finn's research, because a repetitive and constant variable has always been something important in testing out a new hypothesis.

And they could have even met up after Finn's research concluded should they have been interested in doing it again.

That Finn probably has such exploits written in several books, and my friend dearly wishes for 'no one to ever come across Finn's books at this rate'

And thus our encounter ended with...

Pain. And only pain.

[katatonicimpression]

Time loop or Possession with Exodus please? :3

Send me Prompts!

Thanks for the ask! I don't think I have the ability to write a time loop without like 4 months worth of planning (although I do have an idea lol) so I picked posession/mind control... and really it's just mind control.

From the Ashes Era (i.e. post-Krakoa)

“Bar seating? Really?” Emma sidled onto the stool next to her companion. “I was hoping for a table.”

“Why? We’re not eating,” Exodus replied. “And I will not stay long.”

“What a shame, there’s barely time to educate you.” She captured the bartender’s attention with a smile. Two Amaretto sours, no cherries. The man rushed to fulfil her order without needing to hear a word. “Teach you to never settle for the cheap seats.”

Clearly, Bennet du Paris believed that it would not suit his grandiose persona to roll his eyes at her, but she could feel him do so in spirit.

He looked the same as he usually did, black armour and golden regalia. His cloak fell down to the floor, pooling around the base of the barstool. He was glowing, but not in an appealing way. His face, as per usual, was grimaced and morose. A man somehow both far too chaotic and yet also far too tedious, to be attractive, despite the valiant effort demonstrated by his features.

Emma probed her mind outwards to the other diners in the restaurant and the staff. She’d sent out a psychic impulse when she arrived, just a soft nudge to make sure no one would remember seeing her. This had become a standard measure whenever she went anywhere, which was a shame; she quite enjoyed making a scene. Either way, her business with their minds was already over, but it was what Bennet had done that intrigued her. Because, surely he was not letting them perceive a visible mutated man with red skin in an elaborate suit of armour.

When she entered the mind of a man seated just across from them, she got a good look at what Exodus was forcing them to see, and she was filled with an intolerable rush of pity.

He was “wearing” a suit, black with an awful sheen to it. It fit poorly, unflatteringly. It looked cheap, despite not being real. His shoes were entirely the wrong choice, and his hair… His hair fell lankly on his shoulders, practically dripping down his face. Unstyled, messy, almost greasy. She noticed he was wearing earrings, a flash of gold. That made it worse. That meant that he had tried. How embarrassing.

She made the barman look at him, and scanned for what he saw up close. Bennet’s face looked tormented and demented as always, and he had preserved the shape of his features for the most part. He’d projected a tan skin tone and brown eyes, soft and doe-like. Or maybe a deer in the headlights was a better comparison.

“Why did you insist upon this?” Bennet asked, snapping her out of her sartorial spiral.

Emma quickly sent out another psychic nudge, convincing anyone else in the restaurant that they were talking about a recent vacation.

“Krakoa, darling,” she said. “Specifically, the former population thereof.”

“Explain yourself.”

“As you are well aware, most non-telepaths on Krakoa obtained psychic blocks to protect them from basic attacks.”

“Aye.”

“And that currently, there is no Cerebro. There is no way to keep tabs on these people, to track mutants globally.”

Bennet nodded in realisation.

“You can’t track anyone if they’ve been blocked by a strong enough telepath. Myself or Xavier,” he said. “Or the Grey women, but I assume you have their cooperation for whatever surveillance you’re attempting.”

Emma was very happy for him to believe that the latter was true. He was correct about the former, it really was as simple as that. It was one thing to be the strongest telepath left on Earth, but what was power without knowledge?

“I could do this without your help, but it would take longer. Who knows how much intel our enemies will have gathered in the meantime. Orchis, or whoever ends up succeeding them? Nathaniel perhaps?”

She kept her face unreadable, but suspected that she may have played the right card.

“If I provided someone with psychic blocks, then surely I had a reason for it. Why should I betray that trust for you?”

“Darling, none of the people I’m trying to keep tabs on are people you trust.”

“Anyone in mind?”

“A few. Some known trouble-makers that you’re likely to be able to find. Fabian Cortez, for example?”

“Spain,” Bennet replied quickly, keen to get it over with. “A family friend’s house in the country. They have horses.”

“I must visit.”

“Surely, you jest.”

“You think?”

Bennet sighed. “This conversation did not need to occur in person. Why did you arrange this?”

“I was interested to see if you’d turn up,” Emma answered honestly. And then, to tease, “I’m fascinated by the question of what it is you do all day.”

Their drinks arrived and they each took a sip. Emma hummed appreciatively, performatively, and Bennet pulled a face.

“Not impressed?”

“Perhaps I would have preferred it with a cherry.”

“Well, that would be a revelation…”

Bennet looked confused and annoyed, which, to anyone who had ever paid attention to his face during Quiet Council meetings, was a familiar sight. He clearly felt she was mocking him, which she was, she supposed.

“Enough.” Bennet abruptly got to his feet. 

With very little warning, Emma’s mind was flooded with images of Acolytes and various other mutants, their whereabouts and Bennet’s knowledge of them. A weaker telepath would have been knocked unconscious by the bombardment, but Emma pocketed the information away, and used the majority of her effort to look unfazed.

But there was something there, that nagging little sense of pity that made her call out before he’d taken his second step away from the bar.

“Wait.”

He paused, facing her again.

With a flex of the muscles of her mind she reached out. She took in the suit at the waist and around the ass, then, after a brief dilemma, changed it into a three piece. The inner waistcoat was burgundy, with gold accents. The suit stayed black, but a deeper, richer tone. His hair looked washed and styled, flowing onto his shoulders with a deliberate flair, and not the sad sagginess of before. She kept his jewellery, matching it to the gold in the suit. 

He frowned at her, aware of what she had done to the minds of the customers to alter this image. There was a second of hesitation, then she sensed him adopt her version of the image. She felt him project it onto a few people on the street outside as he left the restaurant.

Then, he dropped it. Much to Emma’s disappointment he started to simply erase his presence from the humans’ minds, to seem invisible, and then she felt him teleport away.

“What a pity…” She said to herself, and finished her drink alone.