#and went ‘I am writing murder!!’

[bakedbybeanss]

As we prepare to neuter apollo justice, I am reminded of the fact that my first ever fanfic was yandere simulator and that I very enthusiastically let people on the bus read it

[astrum99]

Do you think bugs fall in love?

Their small bodies host even tinier brains. Built to crawl through soil and rocks bigger than itself. Running on a simple software bouncing between eat, sleep, fight, flight, and copulate.

V1 is smarter than a bug. It must be. It’s a war machine, so it must be. Its programming is complex enough to fry several motherboards; the internals are heated from constant, unrelenting processing needs. If it updates its optical data intake to any greater degree than these rough, messy polygons, it’d surely perish from the overwhelming information.

V1 is built to kill first, survive second. To be fair, survival would ensure more killing, so it’d be more effective. Moving through the battlefield, culling lives, drawing blood. Perfectly aligned with its programmed objectives, then.

Gabriel is smarter than a bug. He must be. He’s an angel, so he must be. He’s one of the best soldiers in the heavenly realm. Armour and swords glistened with pride and justice. He sees all. He judges all. His loyalty and perfect track record have earned him a high rank within the order. Leaving behind the creaturely "it". His light burns hot and bright within his constitution.

Gabriel is built as a messenger of the Father, then a judge of Hell. To be fair, the role of a judge was assigned to him by the council, so he supposes that his placement can be summed up as the bearer of the divine authority to bring right to all other creatures. Perfectly aligned, then.

Bugs… Well, they’re the same. I suppose. Small beings. Running pre-programmed orders derived from centuries of evolution: eat, sleep, fight, flight, and copulate. No role. No responsibilities.

Bugs are built naturally and fully, unlike humankind; but formed and ready to go within seconds from their births, like machines and angels.

So. Do they live?

When the machine and the angel escape their chains, do they see themselves in bugs?

Bugs are born to live, temporarily, fleetingly, yet live nonetheless. Do they, then, deserve to live, freeing and meaninglessly. No role. No responsibilities.

So. Do bugs love?

Do they learn that they can go beyond their basic structures? Do they see their own reflection in each other’s compound eyes? Do they recognize each other’s bodies, scents, heat? Do they feel the desire for closeness?

To flutter wings like a dance of waltz. To brush antennae like butterfly kisses. To greet and caress and lie next to each other near their death.

To move through the sky in battle, in passion. To clash swords and fists and bullets. To greet and caress and lie next to each other near their death.

The same cells in the same blood coursing beneath the same suit of exoskeletons.

Machine, angel, bug. Boiled down to the barest essence of existence; crisp simplicity.

To live, to love.

[icebluecyanide]

Crack sequel to my Yassen keeps catching Alex series where Alex runs into Yassen again in a Starbucks:

---

After Greece, Alex had spent a lot of time wondering when he would run into Yassen again. It was beyond question that he would, after the way they had somehow run into each other four times in the last year.

Still, he hadn't expected to run into Yassen here.

"Welcome to Starbucks, how may I help you?"

"What are you doing here?" Alex demanded.

Yassen looked around him as if trying to work out what could possibly be strange about him standing behind the counter in a coffee shop, taking orders.

"I work here," he told Alex.

[mymomsaiditwasaphase]

Do yall think people in the Rise universe ever talk about the disappearance of action star Lou Jitsu? I mean, he was pretty popular and as far as people know he was just suddenly gone one day with no reason or warning

So like, did he ever get an episode in someone's podcast or nah?

[widevibratobitch]

when i say i am obsessed with him

[anonauthorsworkshop]

It’s been radio silence for a little while, just checking in to make sure you’re still alive lmao

hi all! been quiet on here for a while i know i kn

I KNOW i've only mentioned this on the blog like 1 or 2 times BUT i am diagnosed with OSDD! well i was until some new stressors + trauma got added into our lives and dissociation barriers seriouslyy amped up etc etc and woohoo mental illness UPGRADE!! diagnosed with DID now I AM NOT DEAD I AM NOT DEAD just please keep in mind i am an alter in a DID system & with this new stress in our lives i have nottt really been able to front as much as i used to. i am like. the designated author/writer of our system. and with all the dissociation and all the being-blocked-from-the-front-because-i-am-not-needed-right-now has prevented me from doing as much writing as i'd like!!!

just please be patient with me i'mtryingmybest and i will most likely be able to front more when things calm down

THANKU&LOVEU

[whoviandoodler]

Issues I've had with MFMM S3 in the most recent rewatch, or: an incomplete and incoherent rambling about some of the things that really annoyed me about it

I've recently finished rewatching miss fisher's murder mysteries for some 5th-10th time since I originally saw it years and years ago on FOX Crime or wherever and it's been a completely different experiences to previous rewatches. I have to assume because I grew up quite a lot so things that used to rub me the wrong way until I was raw no longer hold the same sway over me, but I found scenes previously unbearable perfectly fine to watch (annoying, but nothing especially enraging), and characters that I despised merely unlikable. In short, it was as immensely entertaining as before without certain hindrances, and the main attractions (jack and phryne's relationship, the found family, amazing acting and fun mysteries) were no less attractive.

However, I also developed an issue with the third season. Prior to rewatching the show (while I was still trying to convince myself i totally wouldn't go back in the 30+ hrs runtime trenches), I rewatched an analysis I'd seen years ago (possibly around my previous rewatch, knowing covid time) made by a creator whose work I like, and she dedicated a section of the video to some of the things that bothered her about the last season. I was a bit confused, to be perfectly honest, because I didn't remember being at all bothered with it the last time I watched it, and certainly not with the things she mentioned (and more importantly, I had no issues with the writing).

And then, uh, I got to the third season on the rewatch. And at first I was like, ok, this is perfectly fine. A little bit odd in certain moments, but not all that bad. And then the problems kept piling and piling through the seasons, and I kept pacing and pacing and noticing more and more things about it that bothered me.

The main problem, and I imagine the reason my then-self didn't really notice anything (apart from my all-encompassing rage at hugh collins that blinded me to anything else), is that the character writing isn't outright Bad. Like, it's not the kind of bad where you throw your TV out the window because how dare they do that to your blorbos, but it is the kind of bad that festers in your show loving heart until it forms 'It's plausible that they might do that kind of... I guess?' It's the kind of bad that takes a bit of thinking to figure out why your brow furrowed in this or that scene until it smoothed out.

So let's talk about that scene in s3e1 where jack does his 'i'm not part of the parade' monologue, the thing that bothered the analyst but that I distinctly remembered being silly and entertaining. I mean, he gets drunk and goes on a tirade over a misunderstanding while phryne stands there baffled, unsure whether she should laugh or not. This is where the 'i guess?' starts, because like, absolutely, it's not the first time in the show he's been jealous, nor the first time he's been incredulous or eye-rolly when he finds out phryne's had a dalliance with this or that man. It's plausible that all those sentiments would come out the way they did with alcohol involved and after being stood up twice, first for what was possibly supposed to be their first foray into more serious territory, and then again that night. It's not a scene that paints him in a favourable light, but that's not in and of itself an issue, he's got his faults and that's one of the things that make him interesting to watch. But arriving on the heels of the caustic remarks and biting sarcasm and refusing to listen to phryne at all to the point that she got borderline upset hours before, it felt less silly and in character and more like a nail hammered one time too many.

It set a trend too for the rest of the season, and not a nice one. All those jealousy scenes created two situations- the first, where phryne would respond indignantly and in character to how she'd been in previous seasons, on the rare occasion he'd actively made a remark (was it even more than once? i can't remember); and the second, where phryne would run after him, explaining that 'it wasn't like that', like she was cheating on him. The second option was especially hard to watch because their reactions genuinely read like she'd done something wrong when that wasn't the case at all, and like the analyst said the narrative went so far as to shame her with that moment at the air base fence (for the first time in the show! previously jack's reactions had been light-hearted and phryne had responded in kind, usually saying something witty or teasing him; the second they became that of the betrayed partner, it got a sour note).

For the sake of adding drama and an unnecessary explanation as to why they haven't railed each other yet, the show killed the wonderful dynamic they'd rocked thus far, that of very close friends who are attracted to each other and probably in love but who haven't quite decided what to do about it yet.

It was like the show lost all faith in it's audience to imagine the reasons behind their reluctance, to understand their characters, to believe this truly outrageous (/s) situation of two friends in love who don't get together (yet). Like it's not a tale as old as time for people to be afraid romantic involvement with their friends might ruin that friendship, and choosing not to take the risk. Like we don't know that phryne has never had a serious relationship, and that jack has never had anything but; that her dalliances with other men are all about sating her curiosity about different people's lives and minds and pleasure, that she firmly embodies the rich aristocrat and keeps the little collingwood girl firmly on the other side of the door; that he stayed in a failed marriage for ten years because he's always serious about the people he loves, that he nearly married concetta because he cared about her and didn't want her to be married off again to somebody cruel.

And speaking of lack of faith, did they think we needed to be reminded every five minutes in various clear-cut and glaringly obvious ways that they love each other? Like we know! We're watching the show! We don't need guido and concetta and the greek chorus to slap the note in our face. This isn't a children cartoon and they didn't suddenly fall in love in s3e1 for the entire cast to lay on the horns, we've been watching them fall in love through every touch and look. Honestly, there was more subtlety in sanderson's 'you do indeed keep close company these days' than the entire italian episode.

The entire thing felt like they were insinuating that the second phryne and jack try for something serious the entire thing falls apart, and they go from dear friends to a reddit post. Despite all their surface differences, the reason they're in love is their deep-seated belief in truth and justice, and the reason they're as close as they are is that they don't keep things from each other and they communicate. I don't think it's in character, or even worse, I feel like it's a very sad choice of character path for them to lose their whimsy and trust the second they delve into the romantic, like it's a whole different thing and not just a different lens through which to experience the intimacy they already share. I would've much preferred that they'd either continued their whimsical friendship until the last episode, or even that they'd gone down the vulnerable road of talking more about their respective issues; frankly, i would've settled for a long term friendship over the mess that they ended up creating (I'm queer, I can sustain myself on subtext).

That area of jack writing aside, what the hell did they do to my boy's murder solving skills? I swear, there were at least a couple episodes where he didn't contribute anything to the investigation, or he did so little it was imperceptible.

In s2e9 (the cinema one, i think that was the number) I distinctly remember phryne laying out what she thought happened (at the very beginning when they found the body) and jack staying silent and giving her a besotted look, and afterwards hugh saying it matched what jack had surmised earlier. This was amazingly done, because it very economically established 1. that jack had already done the clever bit 2. that they agreed fully so there was no need for their usual back and forth, and most importantly after their huge, sad rift had just been surmounted, 3. that he was incredibly happy to be working with her again because he loves listening to the cogs turning in her head and watching her be clever.

There was none of that attention to detail in those s3 episodes, he was just... not involved. Phryne would lay everything out and then they'd leave, and that was it. It felt wild to witness because in different scenes he acted as he always did, like their dynamic was the same as always. I didn't get the impression that he was having a bad day, or not in the mood, because in writing those things need to have some significance or note, and here it was just there. Not noticed, not significant, not anything; fully like they'd forgotten that they put him in the shot and thus gave him no lines.

I really can't explain how much it irked me because the main appeal of the show isn't the murder investigations, as fun and clever as they are, it's the relationships between characters. The point of the narrative shouldn't be solving the crime, it should be all the things that happen while it's being solved.

In short- how dare they rob me of the sparks of phryne and jack exchanging theories and opinions?! That's what I'm here for! The sexual tension isn't just the looks and touches, it's what preceded them and keeps them so fresh and electric- it's them standing over a body or in the morgue or in her parlour and being clever at each other and with each other, the push of sharing an opinion and the pull of daring the other person to catch up with you by giving them only the raw information, the resonance of interacting with someone who's on even footing with you.

It's like 3 am and I've tired myself out so I'll stop here. Obvious disclaimer for anyone who might see this is that this is based on my impression of the show and i won't go back to watch just the bad parts solely to write a coherent, sourced analysis (aka I'm going off the things that left an impact on me, they might not be given the most screentime or note), and that this is still a favourite show and not meant to be an indictment of the whole thing (I only get so annoyed bcs i like it otherwise).

[mad-hunts]

🎤 - An audio transcript from a recording

[ ARKHAM TAPES: patient 0158, barton mathis. FOR STAFF USE ONLY. ]

contains potentially triggering content such as child abuse, heavy violence, and overall disturbing content.

[ the only thing that can be heard in the beginning of the recording is the faint murmur of a man's voice — the volume is very low, and yet, you can just hear the southern twang in his voice as clear as day. the sound of the recording device scrapping against something loudly is what resounded through the audio next. then, it stopped, and the volume is much better as it seems whoever was using it fixed it. from there, a man who seemingly goes by the name DOCTOR BOWMAN begins speaking to someone across from him.

❝ alright. this is session number 3 with my patient, known as barton mathis, and the date is 3/12/2015; for records, this is doctor bowman. is it alright if i record our conversation? ❞ the southern twang the doctor had is more pronounced than ever now, and it made the slight hum that came from somewhere across from him in response to this seem a lot quieter than it actually was. the hum was resigned as if to say ' eh, whatever ' but there is a hint of aggression just barely present in it. a velvety, but still equally as deep voice answers him, ❝ mm, sure — why not? not that you really care about whether i want it be recorded, or not. ❞ doctor bowman paused at that. the only sound audible through the recording is a half-suppressed ' ahh ' that gives off a peculiar aura of sad understanding, ❝ i do care. we just have certain... rules set in place here, that everyone has to follow. it's just a policy has been in affect ever since doctor crane was fired from here. ❞

a quiet snort came from the other side of the room, and the sound of some sort of furniture crunching under the weight of barton adopting a new position atop it is audible. he sounded snide whenever he talked next, ❝ oh, he was a lot more than fired from here, wasn't he? it's okay. you can say that he became a patient here because he was experimenting on people. if only he wasn't after such a foolish goal. then, maybe he wouldn't have gotten caught, ❞ you can practically hear that the sneer that had no doubt formed on barton's face at that moment. doctor bowman said nothing at first, and then made an attempt at reining him in. ❝ okay, well, either way... we're not here to talk about doctor crane. we're here to talk about you. so, it seems from one of your previous psychiatrists, ❞ doctor bowman took another pause as the sound of him flipping through papers escaped the recording, ❝ that march is a particularly rough month for you. can you explain to me why that is? ❞

the room had suddenly become very quiet, to the point where all you could hear was the sound of both of their breathing. that is, until barton's voice made a return, but the velvetiness from it is completely gone. when he answered the doctor's question, barton's voice had hiked up a few octaves and he let out a muffled sigh as if something was obstructing his speech. maybe he was biting on one of his nails, or he was covering his face with his hand. i was hard to tell, ❝ mm, no. you cannot. next question, please. ❞ now it was doctor bowman's turn to adjust his position on what was probably a chair that he was sitting on. the sound of crinkling leather resounded through the speaker, and doctor bowman chose to try to pry an answer out of him. ❝ look, barton, if you ever hope to get better then you must realize that it's going to take some discom — ❞ doctor bowman paused mid-sentence as a gasp suddenly left his mouth and the sound of something crashing to the floor resounded through the room they were in. it resembled breaking glass, maybe from a lamp, or something similar.

doctor bowman's voice trembled at the beginning when he began talking once more, but it became steady after a few more seconds as he was trained to keep it neutral, ❝ barton, why... why do you have that? no, how did you get that? ahh. you know what, i'm going to call the orderlies, ❞ what ' it ' is is unclear. the sound of shuffling, then what was probably the weight of the doctor himself being forced back down onto the chair, came through the speaker. doctor bowman attempted to say something but was cut off, now letting out another gasp. barton's voice sounded a lot quieter now, but there is a certain coldness to it. a fury, if you will, ❝ you call them, and i will kill them, then you. you think you know why march is a terrible time for me because i can guarantee you that it was scrawled down in that folder. but you actually have no fucking idea. ❞

instead of asking him to elaborate more, doctor bowman tried to appeal to the more human side of him. he sucked in a breath before coughing. ❝ do — do not do this. you know what is going to happen if you do, don't you? if you just put the knife down right now, i promise you, i'll make it so that you aren't going to face as severe of repercussions from this. ❞ another cough, and just like that, barton's voice wrang throughout the room. it was deceptively sweet now, like he was relishing in the other's terror. a series of low-pitched laughs came from him. ❝ ooh my god, doctor, you should've been a comedian. no... i'll tell you what you want to know, since you are one persistent person. and so you'll have something to think about while you're gurgling on your own blood. this is the month in which my biological father was killed by the worst pig of them all: jim gordon. but it wasn't just that he was killed that makes it so rough for me. ❞

barton inhaled deeply, clearing his throat, ❝ it's that i wanted to kill him, too. i thought about grabbing a knife from the kitchen, sneaking into his bedroom, and killing him multiple times. but that's not even the worst part. ❞ another laugh came from barton but it wasn't sadistic, or even snide. it was choked-sounding. ❝ despite all of the foul things he did to me, i think a part of me still loves him. i mean there can't be any other reason why i would want to keep a part of him, ❞ there was a long pause then before he sniffled and the sound of crinkling leather once more crept through the recording.

❝ ahh, but you know, you were one of the better ones. it's a shame i have to kill you. ❞ a high-pitched scream soon blared throughout the room in which this was recorded, before the room fell entirely silent. the only sounds after this were footsteps, which were undoubtably barton's, and the recorder being turned off. ]

[kaldwinroyalty]

Actually I think Axel Kingdom Hearts should be allowed to do canonical murders again

[nnato]

🔀 mitchtonio!!!! (Ofc!!!)

Dark Side - Bishop Briggs

—

The house is silent when Antonio comes home. Mitch is still away for work but Antonio expects him back for tonight. Which is why he went out to stock up on groceries. He plans to prepare dinner for the both of them, not keen on going out and having to share his boyfriend again after being separated.

Antonio puts the grocery bags on the kitchen counter and starts to stuff the fridge. He is about to put a handful of yoghurt cups into the fridge when he hears a dull thud upstairs. Frowning, Antonio keeps still, straining his ears but there’s nothing. Maybe he’s starting to imagine things.

Just when he closes the fridge though there’s another sound.

“Mitch?” Antonio calls. Maybe his boyfriend got home early and is trying to surprise him. Antonio decides to check, just to be sure.

He goes upstairs, looking into every room he suspects Mitch could be hiding in. But nothing. Antonio is about to go back down when he hears a muffled voice coming from further down the hallway. Slowly, he moves closer to the source of the sounds, coming to stand in front a door he knows is always locked. When he moved into the villa with Mitch, Mitch had told him to use every room as he likes. Except for this one. Antonio had tried the once while being alone but found it locked. He hasn’t tried again.

Until now. Antonio puts his hand on the door handle, pushing it down. Unlike the last time, the door gives way, opening up to the only room Antonio has never seen from inside. What he finds is not something he ever expected to see.

Mitch. A gun with a silencer attached to it in his hand. Standing above a stranger who is chained to a chair. The chair has fallen over and with him the man. He’s breathing hard, his face all beat up and bloody. Mitch is pointing the gun at the man’s face. He hasn’t noticed Antonio yet.

Antonio wants to say something, wants to confront him about whatever this is. He doesn’t get a chance to. Without missing a beat Mitch pulls the trigger. There is no loud bang, only the last twitch of a body before it goes limp, lifeless. Mitch turns his head then, looking straight at Antonio. There is blood on his face too, staining his skin.

“Oh, hi babe. Didn’t expect you to be home already,” he says with a smile.

“What- What have you done?” Antonio asks, voice barely above a whisper. He keeps looking from Mitch to the man, eyes locking on the gun.

“Just finishing up a job. Can you do me a favour and wait downstairs?”

This must be a bad dream. Maybe Antonio hit his head and now he’s trapped in the worst nightmare possible? Because there is no way Mitch, his wonderful loving boyfriend, killed a man in front of his eyes without thinking twice.

“Y-You shot him. You just shot him. That’s- I don’t- Why…?” Antonio stammers out. Breathing is hard all of a sudden. He is gasping for air but it won’t come, not as much as he needs, and his body tenses up in panic.

Mitch is with him in the blink of an eye. He places the gun on a shelf nearby, taking Antonio’s face in his hands.

“Tonio, I need you to breathe with me now, okay? Nice and steady. In and out. In…. And out.” Antonio tries is best to follow the gentle voice of his boyfriend, imitates his breathing rhythm until his chest doesn’t feel so tight anymore.

“Yes, that’s my good boy. Good job,” Mitch praises, his thumbs rubbing over Antonio’s cheek. He can feel something wet on his skin and maybe he started to cry without realising it but there isn’t the telltale sign of his eyes burning or his nose running. Apart from the slight panic attack he feels fine. That is when he realises it’s not the wetness of tears. It’s blood.

Antonio eyes fly past Mitch again to the lifeless body on the floor.

“You killed that man,” he whispers, the whole expanse of the situation slowly sinking in. Not only did Mitch kill another person, Antonio also saw him do it. He is a witness. A danger to Mitch. Oh god, Mitch is going to kill him too.

“I’m sorry you had to see this. But try not to think about it, love.” Mitch leans in, pressing a gentle kiss to Antonio’s mouth. When Antonio runs his tongue over his lips, he tastes copper. Right, there is still blood on Mitch’s face. Some of it must have caught on his lips, and now Antonio has it on his own.

“How about you take a shower and I clean this mess up, hm? Does this sound alright with you?”

Antonio nods as if in trance. He doesn’t look back when Mitch guides him to their bedroom with the en suite. Before Mitch lets him go again though, he stops Antonio again, holding his hand out.

“I would prefer if you give me your phone though. Wouldn’t want you to do something you regret later, do we?”

Antonio shakes his head in answer, taking his phone from the back pocket of his jeans and hands it over to Mitch. The smile he receives for it is the same Mitch always gives him when he does something that pleases his boyfriend, and Antonio smiles back instinctively.

“Take you time, love,” Mitch says before closing the door between them. Antonio stands there a moment longer, staring at the wood while Mitch is on the other side, cleaning up. Getting rid of the body and all the evidence. While Antonio is still here, breathing, alive. Mitch didn’t kill him too.

And while Antonio should be worried, should be freaking out because his boyfriend is a killer, all he can do is smile. Because Mitch didn’t kill him. Mitch trusts him enough that he left him alone, that he wants to keep him by his side. Mitch trusts him not to run to the next police station and spill everything that he just witnessed.

It makes a rush of adrenaline paired with affection rush through his body. Antonio vows to himself in that moment to never betray Mitch’s trust. His boyfriend might have a dark side to him Antonio wasn’t aware of before but this doesn’t change him being the love of his life. Even when maybe one day there is nothing left but pain.

[convoloutedinjoke]

Currently writing swap AU where Kim is just himself on hard mode. Like he wakes up in a clean, normal room, puts on the same outfit as always and doesn't tell anyone he's forgotten everything until Harry wheedles it out of him by badgering him for One Singe Secret (he cant remember any).

He then goes outside and points a gun at a civilian over a perceived threat.

[leatherbookmark]

an interesting thing abt jgy antis is like. where is the source of their, shall we say, negative opinion of jgy? like, 1. jgy is a villain, he does horrible things with no remorse, he’s willing to do everything to achieve his selfish, egotistical goals. --> 2. the source of this claim: this, this and this scene. --> 3. alright, but to me -- says someone who’s not an anti -- this reads differently. that he did all those things, and did them on purpose and without remorse, is not that obvious to me. why do you think that? --> 4. well, obviously because he’s a villain and does horrible things with no remorse.

like... he’s evil because he does bad things, and he does bad things because he’s evil. i’m interested in how antis came by those opinions, but a, unfortunately i have them all blocked, and b, even if i or someone else made a poll, it wouldn’t be authentic because no sane anti is going to say “well, people hated him and wrote all those things about him on twt, so i started hating him as well”, or “i only care about wgxn, you could sell me anything about other characters if your arguments were convincing enough because i zoned out during the parts when wgxn weren’t on screen/pages of the book”. it’s all “written in the book/shown in the show” and “logical arguments you’d agree with if only you could read”.

[devilfemdom]

I just want a murder reader/mc, that surely can't be too much to ask for in hell

Where and why are all these innocent readers turning up in hell of all places 😭

If y'all want to write someone nice, at least make them a resident of the Hazbin Hotel and they've been there for a while, explaining their kindness

Make it make sense

[thedeadthree]

HEHEEEHEHE YANA HATH MADE IT TO THE MIND FLAYER COLONY SHES ON HER WAY TO SEE HER DEAREST !!!!!!!

[yourplaceinaugust]

my boss scheduled me for 2 extra unneeded hours so i locked myself in the bathroom for half and hour and just started working on a fic

[forestmossling]

me: oh my god i’m literally such an awful writer, none (zero!) of all the fics i’ve ever written are finished, i lose motivation the moment i start writing a story that’s longer than 4000 words, i’m so pathetic and cringe

also me: *sits down for two hours and writes an entire plot for the most ingenious unhinged hannibal-esque theatre sketch, definitely going over the 3 minute limit requirement, just for a homework assigned at a theatre studio i attend in my free time*