#and well. i don't think there needs to be a personal connection for one to feel happiness in this sort of situation
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bespoke-nautilus · 2 days ago
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Lois: Every other weekend, then?
Bruce: And shared holidays, of course
L: Obviously! We'll have to work out a schedule for which house every year.
B: Dami and Jon are gonna fight for the farm every year
L: Ugh. They will, won't they.
Clark: Uh. Guys? I thought this was just brunch
L: I'm thinking full hotel stay, threesome shenanigans for Valentine's - we could do matching lingerie!
B: Hm. I feel like he's more into the costumes, honestly. I could probably convince Selina to part with a catsuit - you're about the same size
L: I had noticed a certain enthusiasm every time I ended up with powers, just hadn't connected to the suits...
B: Oh, I have to schedule us separately for the JL rota. He gets handsy
C: Guys, what is happening?
both turn to stare blankly at the increasingly nervous reporter
L: We're hashing out terms for our shared relationship, Smallville, keep up
C: ...our what!?
B: Well, you're dating us both, and you have a kid with Lois, so it's best to decide such things at the start.
L: It's honestly easier sharing - you've got an absolutely unmanageable libido for one person
C: stuttering, blushing furiously I. Wha...No! Wait...
L: I wonder if that's a Kryptonian thing?
B: Not as far as I can tell. Kara isn't like that at all, and none of the files on Zod or his flunkies mention anything.
L: Ah. So just a farmboy thing!
C: Don't I get a say in any of this!?
L&B: No.
L: You had your say when you decided to date both of us at the same time
C: But. I made sure you were both fine with it!!
L: And we are!
B: We just need to make sure everyone is on the same page here
C: But how am I supposed to manage two of you at the same time!?
L: Consequences, Smallville
B: And you have two hands. I'm told your quite good with both
Further blushing from Clark, as he sinks into his seat, and listens to his lovers...plan things for him
Lois Lane finding out through the grapevine (Ma and Diana) that Bruce and Clark are (finally) dating after she and Clark broke up and she insists on taking Bruce out to lunch to “chat” and Bruce is prepared for anything but apparently not Lois Lane downing two mimosas and warning him, in great and ominous detail, how one Clark Joseph Kent has ruined orgasms for her forever and he better be damn sure he knows what he’s doing
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uyuforu · 7 hours ago
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❀。 • *₊°。 ❀° 。 • *₊°。 ❀°。 ༻ Astro Observations XI ༺ ❀。 • *₊°。 ❀° 。 • *₊°。 ❀°。
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Other posts you could like:
જ⁀➴ Union Asteroid in Natal Chart
જ⁀➴ Groom/ Briede/ Juno Aspects in Natal Chart
જ⁀➴ Astro Observations X
❀。 • *₊°。 ❀° 。 • *₊°。 ❀°。❀。 • *₊°。 ❀° 。 • *₊°。 ❀°。❀。 • *₊°。 ❀° 。 • *₊°。 ❀°。❀。 • *₊°。 ❀° 。 • *₊°。 ❀°。❀。 • *₊°。 ❀° 。 • *₊°。
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⊱ ۫ ׅ ✧ Natal Chart
❀ I read somewhere that Aries Rising often ignore people, even the closest people. My sister does that often, and she is also Aries Rising. ❀
❀ Also, the Rising sign and degree can say often how you look, your appearance but don't forget planets and other placements in your 1H! ❀
❀ Moreover, the Ruler of your Rising can also tell a lot about your appearance, meaning the sign and house placements of your Ruler. ❀
❀ I also noticed that whenever the Sun or Venus was transiting my 1H I was changing something on my appearance. It can also just be me adopting a new way to do my hair or my make up, etc. ❀
❀ Having Aries Descendant is a sign you'll have a spouse who will make you realize you are too nice, you are too generous with others, and they will teach you it's okay to tell people to go f*ck themselves. ❀
❀ Men who have Virgo Rising are the finest in my opinion, perhaps because I'm Virgo Venus but girl they are just so neat and take care of themselves so much, it's so refreshing. ❀
❀ Moreover, Virgo Rising men often age like fine wine. Their hot era is never ending. Just take Benjamin Bratt as an example. ❀
❀ If Pluto transiting your Natal Chart will give you clarity over which house it transits, and it will also be a huge transformation in it. I have it in my 4H, and I can tell you I see my family differently and learn a lot of hidden things. It hits like a b*tch. ❀
❀ Can we stop generalizing MC signs ? Cancer MC doesn't mean necessarily the person will do a job related to taking care of others. The sign over your MC is often a way to describe your needs in a career, but the planets in the 10h and the sign it is in matters, AND the ruler of the 10H as well. ❀
❀ Saturn conjunct Juno often means you'll marry your destined person later in life, and you could also meet later in life as well. ❀
❀ Juno conjunct Chiron is a sign your FS is wounded, in depression, or that they will need to heal to be with you. Being with your Future Spouse could also require a lot of sacrifices. ❀
❀ 4H Ruler in 7H people could often depend on their partner emotionally. They can also be the kind of person to want to only settle down with a partner. ❀
❀ Saturn 7H can have the same effect as Venus conjunct Saturn , you could have a delay in your love life, or find yourself having many lessons about it. You could have to live some failed relationships or romantic interactions in your early life, yet perhaps around your Saturn Return, you could have a better and long lasting love life. ❀
❀ Jupiter conjunct Saturn 7H could mean a delay in your marriage, perhaps marrying close to your 30's, but it could also mean after being married, your life will be very good, and you'll gain a lot because of marriage, and perhaps a lot of knowledge and wisdom as well. ❀
❀ I feel like even if you try hard, you'll never really know someone with Sun 8H/12H. They are quite good at showing exactly what they want you to see. ❀
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⊱ ۫ ׅ ✧ Synastry
❀ Rising conjunct Venus often means Venus person will think Rising person is their ideal type. ❀
❀ I often found that when it's not a romantic connection, Sun in 7H Synastry is not a good relationship, yet often a toxic one. Sun person can tend to hate 7H person. ❀
❀ I feel like 2H, 6H & 10H are really underrated houses in Synastry. I think it's really good to have those houses, mostly if big 3 are there. ❀
❀ Sun conjunct Venus often makes the Sun person think Venus person is very attractive. They could also find Venus very charming and their type. ❀
❀ I often saw Juno 1H Synastry when there was love at first sight between two people. Often Juno person having love at first sight for 1H person. ❀
❀ Venus/ Juno/ Jupiter is very beneficial for "finding the house person good looking", and often if you have those planets in someone's 1H or conjunct their Rising, they will be your type. ❀
❀ Every time I had a friend who wanted to befriend me and who was also someone I got along with so much, they have a Stellium in my 11H. ❀
❀ Sun 12H Synastry can possibly make the 12H person forget about you often. ❀
❀ In some relationships, Venus in the 12H can say that 12H person doesn't feel the love Venus person try to give them, and could also feel unloved. ❀
❀ Moon conjunct Saturn can also be that Moon person feel totally misunderstood by Saturn person, or they could feel judged often by Saturn person. ❀
❀ Mars 3H can mean Mars person can often know the right words to hurt 3H person, they can speak to them in a harsh way as well. ❀
❀ Sometimes 12H placements aren't that bad, so take it with a grain of salt. For example, my mother has a Stellium in my 12H, and we are very connected. ❀
❀ Sun conjunct Jupiter often makes the two natives adore each other, they often get along very well, laugh together but also they often share the same opinion. Jupiter person often teach a lot of valuable lessons to Sun person. ❀
❀ Chiron conjunct Moon often means Chiron person will hurt Moon's feelings. I have this aspect with my uncle, he often is harsh with his words. I was scared of him when I was little. ❀
❀ Sun 8H can mean 8H person can feel like Sun person doesn't like them. ❀
❀ Moon 12H in Synastry can often tell us that Moon person will struggle to say to 12H person how they feel, or often share personal things about them. Though, it can also be a sign of deep spiritual connection. ❀
Thank you for reading!
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theus-what-are-you-doing · 2 days ago
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Final Scene Analysis and Key Sender Theory
A theory below? It might be obvious, but I'm being a dumbass and connecting dots that might not be there. That and I'm trying to wrap my head around the plot of season one while making predictions for season two too.
Words: 768
Okay, I'm not sure if anyone has pointed this out already, but this has been playing on my mind like a catchy song, and I genuinely need to vent it.
Something is telling me that Chase is being used by Buddy, indicated through the interaction shared by him and Violet at the end of season one.
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Nox "can't do this" anymore because he's slowly falling for Chase. He's coming to love and care for him, like during the finale arc e.g. shielding him from water, comforting him during his breakdown, kissing him to be his hero.
He doesn't want to hurt the ones he loves, especially knowing how much Chase is trying to help others around him, specifically his own mum. See below:
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Now, I think Nox is intelligent enough to put things together. So, I think these lines spoken towards him during Chase's breakdown could have made things click for him: Why Chase was sooooo determined in the beginning of the series to go into the book's for example, despite how irritating and upsetting Nox tried to be.
Given Nox is more familiar with Chase's personality now, it would only make sense for him to use the wish for someone else he cares about, hence Nox's hesitation to continue stealing the naratonin. As Nox cares more for Chase, he may come to want what Chase wants too, like a couple would.
But what's to says he's stealing it?
Well, we know Nox is a key now, and by all means, I don't think he can gather Naratonin by himself as it's established other keys can't. Though he was priorly human, I think he lost the ability to gather Naratonin when he became a key.
Considering we've been shown no other key holders, I don't believe any of them are left too, that there are any humans to help collect this naratonin. I really think it's just the keys.
Yet we've been shown that keys can use naratonin and that Buddy plans to use it to get a wish. But instead of wishing like a birthday wish where you whisper your secrets to the naratonine, I think you need to consume or absorb it, much like Silver did earlier in the series.
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Here, it's shown that Silver fixes herself using the Naratonin Chase collected, so who's to say that Buddy isn't either. He just needs more because the thing he is trying to fix is his human self, to regain it.
Now i think that staying close to Chase is just a way to transfer his production of Naratonin to him and Violet, as they're also keys, or that Chase's production of Naratonin also goes over to them. It would explain why Chase gets so little every time and why Buddy wants to be close to him so often.
Keysender Theory
And so here's where my theory comes in. Let's focus on that second panel again!
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"After all you've done for this"
I can't help but get a feeling that Nox was the one who sent the other keys out, or at least orchestrated getting them out with someone else acting as a proxy. It would explain why he's done so much work for this, to become human.
If my theory is correct and Libris holds no current key holders, the only way for Buddy to get Naratonin would be to get the keys into the hands of other humans, follow them into the books, and retrieve naratonin from being near them, so he can heal himself much like Silver did but to a larger scale. This is what we see happening with Chase after all.
Yhe keys have been scattered too, perhaps to not only heighten the chances of getting more people into the books but to also prevent them from gathering all the keys to make that wish (Like Silver admitted to Chase, you need all her family to make the wish)
Future predictions
With this in mind and my rambling over, I'd like to throw my hat in the ring for things I'd love to see from this analysis and theory, if they ever became true.
I'd love to see Buddy be confronted for this, perhaps out of guilt he would tell Chase he's been stealing narratonin and thus Chase obviously gets upset, as he's trying to collect if for his mum. I feel like this can be a way for them to share their wants for each other and even help each other with getting their way.
Anyway, that's all my rambles done. I hope they made at least a semblance of sense!!
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uncle-fruity · 2 days ago
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I appreciate everything OP said here, and so much of it rings true. And while we're on this topic, I wanna bring up something I've been mulling over that I think is related.
We have got to stop thinking of marginalized people as a monolith -- even when that homogenized version in our heads is mostly positive. What I mean is that not every trans person is a good person. Just like not every cis person is a bad person. There will be trans people who are uninformed, willfully ignorant, rude, mean, abusive, manipulative, misogynistic, hypocritical, and honestly pretty bad allies to anyone who they don't understand or don't like or who challenges their worldview. There will be cis people who are extremely well-read on the issues, understanding, supportive, encouraging, open-minded, willing to listen & learn, kind, respectful, dedicated transfeminists, and honestly some of the best allies you'll ever have.
There is this sort of underlying assumption that trans people will always understand each other better than anyone else, that we are safer with our own, but that's not always the case. It is fair to assume that trans people are more likely to connect with and understand each other, but it is (clearly, as demonstrated) not guaranteed.
That's because we are humans! Humans are messy, complex, often hypocritical, nuanced beings. We all have different experiences, surroundings, relationships, beliefs, and priorities that make us who we are. Gender is just one facet of the many many things that come together to make us wholly human. Being trans doesn't make you a good person; it makes you trans. And while being trans may give you valuable insight on gender dynamics and trans oppression via direct exposure, it does not automatically make you a scholar or expert on all trans experiences or the historical context that feminism & transfeminism is built on. That kind of information must be actively pursued if you want a fuller picture.
This is why I've been going off about critical thinking so much -- because if you aren't being critical about this, it gets very very easy to fall into a reactive and/or bigoted and/or narrow mindset, and that can be genuinely harmful to yourself and others if you're not careful. Especially on Tumblr, where someone could very easily misrepresent their identity to stir up shit and push transphobic rhetoric behind the mask of an assumed ally. Thinking critically is a vital tool to help us avoid being manipulated by a false or disingenuous narrative.
When we say, "Listen to trans people," we mean that you need to pay attention to a wide variety of trans people and what we're talking about -- because we will and do agree AND disagree with each other on a number of issues all the time. But the more of us you listen to and consider, the more likely you are to see patterns of oppression and common trans experiences that will broaden your worldview and help you make a better informed decision about what to believe or what to look further into or how to spot common anti-trans sentiments/dogwhistles. "Listen to trans people" is not followed by the secret phrase, "and thoughtlessly accept everything they say about trans issues." Anyone who demands that you agree with them without room for question or comment or criticism is trying to control the narrative. Even if there is good reason to believe someone knows their shit, it never hurts to dig deeper into the worldview someone is trying to get you to internalize before you do so.
So, with that in mind, I encourage everyone to really take stock of their priorities & values within activism and judge people on their actual behaviors & impact & quality of information they present, NOT just their stated identities. If something a fellow activist said feels uncomfortable or rubs up against your values, it's okay to examine that feeling and ask questions to figure out what's at the root of it. The trans women who act the way OP described are not representative of all trans women, nor are they necessarily our allies. The same goes for misogynistic & transmisogynistic trans men. Or trans people of any sort who subscribe to any flavor of gender/bioessentalist ideology. That isn't to say that we don't fight for their rights or support them when they fall victim to systemic violence or ignore their issues or give up on trying to educate & elevate where we can -- we are still fighting the patriarchy for everyone's benefit. But, critically, we also don't have to accept hateful rhetoric into our communities and theories just because the fuckos spouting it off are trans.
honestly, as a trans woman who's running a fairly 'popular' or whatever queer blog, i've noticed so much shit in the past 2 years and i'm just gonna lay it out for y'all. it's a new year. it's 2025. i do NOT wanna carry any more of this bullshit forward. i'm calling everything for what it is. if this pisses you off, unfollow or block and move on.
as someone else put it in the tags on one of my other posts:
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i am sick and tired of not talking about extremely important queer conversation topics for the sake of "keeping the peace".
this is not giving trans women and transfemmes a better quality of life to attack literally every every and all trans men for being trans men. it's making people fucking scared shitless of us. i hope people realize this isn't helping improve the opinion other people have on trans women and transfemmes. it's making people absolutely fucking terrified to even exist around us, because we've gotten to the point where we're attacking literally everyone and anyone who says something we don't like. people are fucking terrified of talking around transfemmes and trans women and it's time we broke the silence on that.
other transfemmes and trans women: do you seriously, really want other trans people to be scared to death of you? do you really want other trans people to be absolutely fucking terrified to speak around you because they're scared of getting fucking yelled at? do you really want other trans people to be utterly terrified to speak up about their own trans issues for fear of being told they hate you? do you really want other people around you to feel utterly terrified to talk about anything queer related at all for fear of being corrected, looked down upon, or verbally harassed?
i am just completely done with this environment we've fostered where basically everyone is on pins and goddamn needles holding themselves back from having real, genuine, impactful, substantial conversations about gender because they're absolutely scared shitless of being called transmisogynistic and publicly cancelled and harassed at all times for saying something as simple as "trans men don't have it easy" or talking about how AFAB people can also be trans. it really does not take much at all to set people off on this website and start accusing people of being transmisogynists left right and center.
i'm not participating in this weird mind game anymore. i do not like how this is being used to control the narrative on transness and trans experiences.
i am done with having to walk on eggshells in every. single. conversation. we have about gender.
i am done with acting like talking about transmasculinity and transmanhood is somehow magically attacking and silencing trans women and transfemmes.
i am done with people having to tack on massive disclaimers saying that they're not attacking trans women and transfemmes just for talking about their experiences on just about every post people write about gender.
i feel like every conversation about gender on here has to be so fucking sterile and calculated and meticulously planned out and stripped of most of its contents in order to not immediately get slammed with a "oh so you hate trans women" or a "oh so you're transmisogynstic." it's fine to point out genuine transmisogyny, i'm not gonna say you have to put up with it when it's real, but can we acknowledge that people are leveraging the fear other people have of being called transmisogynistic to shut people up?
at this point it's being used as a scare tactic and i'm so over it. i loathe how accusing people of being transmisogynistic is a default insult. trans men can't make a post about transmasculinity without someone getting pissed off and calling them transmisogynistic. trans men can't talk about a goddamn thing without being told to shut up, for some reason? why is this happening? like literally why are you doing this? trans men can't talk about ANYTHING at this point. like they needed to be able to coin words for the specific types of oppression they face so they could talk about it, and instead they just get fucking yelled at and told they're being copycats and that the violence they faced wasn't real? what the actual hell is this accomplishing?
why are we acting like we own oppression and no one else can even come close to understanding what its like? come on now, we don't own the goddamn concept of oppression. we also don't own transness. i am sick to death of this idea that transfemininity and trans womanhood are the only "real" ways to be trans. we do not own the concept of transness. it's not just about us. "trans rights" applies to more than just us. it can't be about us all the time. WE are the ones being self centered right now. WE are the ones who are forcing the conversation to be about us in situations where it's completely and totally inappropriate.
we need to say it for what it is: we're fostering an environment where, at this point, only trans women and transfemmes are allowed to talk about anything queer related at this point. like can we call it for what it is? for some reason, trans men and transmascs aren't allowed to talk about trans manhood or transmasculinity at all. ever. they're not allowed to say a fucking peep. they have to shut up and listen to a trans woman explain it to them, because for some reason, the trans woman knows trans manhood better than the trans man. this is out of fucking control, we should not have trans women explaining trans manhood to other people unless they are also a trans man. this is just unacceptable. transfems attack transmascs who speak for transfems, and yet this is seen as good and the norm?
you are not cool if you hate trans men and misgender them on purpose. this isn't feminist. this isn't progressive. you're not getting back at the patriarchy- most trans men do not benefit from patriarchy and never will- you would understand this if you listened to them. instead of talking over and for trans men, and listening to people who talk over and for trans men, if you listened to trans men, the source, you'd understand that no, transmasculine lives are NOT easy and no, trans men do not instantly benefit from patriarchal society if at all, ever. if you listened you'd understand that T doesn't make people aggressive and hostile and evil. if you listened you'd understand that there are a lot of wonderful, loving trans men out there are who are not transmisogynistic just by virtue of existing.
nobody is saying that we want to you prioritize men over trans women when we talk about trans men's rights. we're not saying that we need to talk about men all the time and never talk about women, and that men are the only ones allowed to talk, now. we really have to let multiple people participate in conversations. we can't keep doing this thing where One Gender Has To Be Superior Over another. that's gender essentialism. why must you keep yourself trapped inside the binary like that? why are you so desperate to stay stuck inside of the machine that's trying to destroy you?
challenging someone else's transphobia is not being transphobic. challenging someone else's behavior is not hating them or their gender. criticism is not an attack on trans womanhood and transfemininity. transfemmes are trans women are not immune to criticism and we need to stop acting like we are. we're not. we've created an echo chamber where only trans women and transfemmes are allowed to talk right now and it's not transmisogynistic to point that out, because it's literally happening before our eyes.
if we're demanding that other people treat us better, why are we treating other people like shit in the process to get it?
stop silencing other people talking about other trans experiences. transfemininity and trans womanhood are not the only ways to be trans. stop forcing yourself into conversations you don't belong in. if you don't want trans men do that, don't do it as a trans woman. don't barge into conversations you have literally 0 stock in just to be rude and mean and make the conversation about trans women instead. let other people talk. this has gone on for way too long.
let. other. trans. people. talk. we shouldn't have let it get this bad. but i'm not letting it stay this bad. if you want to accuse people having genuine conversations about transness of being transmisogynistic just because they're not a trans woman, then feel free, i'm not gonna stop you, but i'm not listening to you. i don't care anymore. i'm sick to death of not being able to have REAL conversations on here because some people don't like being reminded that they are not the only people who suffer under cisheteronormative patriarchy. if you can't accept that you are not the only one who suffers under patriarchy and that men need to be liberated from patriarchy as well, then i'm not interested in having a conversation with you to begin with.
seriously, if any of this bothers you, please just block me. i'm not participating in these dumb ass little mind games anymore. i do not give a singular shit about offending people who think this behavior is okay. i spent way too long being afraid to speak up about real world issues because of shitty internet trolls. i don't give a fuck if someone you don't like speaking about their experiences hurts your feelings- you are the problem here.
this is affecting real people in real time and i care about that. i care about people, not stupid ideologies and fighting over who is or isn't "really trans". i care about people, not fighting over labels. open your mind and understand that is is about real ass people, and not just ideologies. trans men and mascs are real ass people. they're not antagonists made specifically to attack and piss off transfemmes and trans women. enough of this.
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chososfl3shlight · 2 days ago
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Like you
Daisuke x gn reader
I don't think a gender is mentioned... but I usually write fem reader so..
Just a quick fluff n comfort drabble
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You met Daisuke on the pony express space freighter. You didn't expect to really enjoy the job, but with him there, it was somewhat enjoyable. Not only because of him either, the other crew members had quite the personalities too. Over the months spent together, you grew to know them all pretty well. You connected with Daisuke more, though, probably because you both were pretty young and interns.
With very few options on who to talk to, you found yourself with Daisuke the most. During breaks, at night, even on the job, you found ways to check up on him. Swansea would get annoyed with the both of you, irritated when you'd distract Daisuke from his chores. You were sorry, but not really.
Getting to see Daisuke on the job was thrilling. When he'd be using tools, the way his arms would flex when tightening bolts. The way he'd groan when frustrated because he didn't understand what Swansea was trying to explain to him.
The more you filed through the things you enjoyed about Daisuke, the more clear it became to you that you might like him. Your eyes widened at the realization, and you tapped your pointer fingers together while holding the clipboard Anya handed you.
"Something wrong?"
Anya questioned with concern. You looked up to see her staring back at you. She was seated at the desk in medical, looking at you as you stood next to her. You scrambled to reply.
"Uh, no! Yeah, sorry, just.. thinking."
You tapped the end of your pen against your lip, smiling sheepishly at Anya.
"Need a reevaluation?" She joked.
You giggled at her comment, shaking your head. She smiled before looking back down at her notes.
"Is it Daisuke?"
Your heart jumped at the mention of his name. Your eyes flickered to Anya, your head turning with delay. She didn't even have to look at you to know that she was correct. You watched as her smile grew.
"It is, isn't it?"
Your eyes widened, and a frown appeared on your face.
"What? What's Daisuke?"
You asked stupidly, your clammy hands gripping at the clipboard. She scoffed and finally turned back to you, her chair swiveling. She looked at you with a raised brow.
"What's on your mind. Daisuke's what you're thinking so hard about."
She had a shit eating grin on her face. She knew she was right, so why continue to tease you about it?
Your jaw slacked open, and an imminent blush painted your cheeks.
"Gosh, can you be any more obvious?" she shook her head with a smile.
"I don't know what you're talking about!" You exclaimed with angry brows.
It only took one glance from her for you to fold and cover your red face with the clipboard.
"Okay...you might be right." You mumbled.
"Yeah, I knew that already"
You let out a long groan. Dropping the clipboard from your face and facing Anya once again. With your hands lazily hanging by your sides, you stood by her awkwardly.
"How'd you know before me?" You whined.
She rolled her eyes at you playfully.
"Are you seriously asking that? You're always with him, even during work hours, and you just stare at him sometimes -"
"Okay! That's enough!" You interrupted.
She giggled at the way your face heated up. She crossed one leg over the other while swiveling back and forth in her seat slightly.
"You should tell him"
You couldn't look her in the eyes. The way your heart fluttered was embarrassing. It felt like you were outside the freighter and couldn't breathe for a second. Anya must've noticed because she began snickering, trying to hold down her laughs.
"I-I'm gonna go now, okay?" You joked, but actually wanted to leave.
She nodded, waving her hand.
"Yeah, go ahead. I can take care of this"
You frowned in consideration, but she shooed you away, so you ended up walking out of medical.
The pumping in your heart grew in pace as you walked into the lobby area. You looked at the big daytime screen and tried to calm your breathing. Closing your eyes and inhaling slowly. You did this often, missing the feeling of the suns warmth on your skin and the soft breeze of wind. You thought you managed to gaslight yourself into feeling a ray of sunshine on your skin when you felt warmth. You opened your eyes to see the source.
"Boo."
Daisuke was standing right in front of you. You jumped with a yelp, almost stumbling over. He began laughing hard, leaning forward and putting a hand on your shoulder while the other wrapped around himself. You felt your body grow stiff as a board. Both of you were pretty touchy normally, but now that you realized you might like him, touch felt different.
"I'm surprised you didn't hear me walk up to you! Though, I am pretty sneaky like a ninja."
Daisuke winked at you, and you had to look away. Feeling too many emotions and sensations in your body. You wanted to mention how you felt his warm presence, but thought that sounded weird.
"That's how I steal the sweetner packets, but shhh don't tell anyone.."
He whispered to you, and you nodded.
"I won't," you affirmed with a smile.
He finally let go of your shoulder with a laugh. You let out a relieved sigh underneath your breath before he continued talking.
"What're you doing out here anyways? Aren't you supposed to be working right now?"
"Yeah, well..aren't you?"
".. Got me there"
You both laugh together. When it dies down, you walk over to the couch and plop down. Daisuke not so surprisingly follows you and sits down right next to you. Awkward silence ensues. Usually, you're able to spark up conversation easily, but you can't bring yourself to say anything.
He tapped his leg seemingly anxiously. This made you feel like he was waiting for you to say something. You were going to or at least planned to... maybe in an unsure thought. You bit the inside of your lips, rolling them between your teeth.
"Daisuke.."
He immediately perked up to the sound of his name. He looked over at you with a small smile.
"Yeah?"
"Um.. I.."
Your voice came out sounding small and shaky no matter how hard you tried to stop it.
"I like you, like a lot..."
You wanted to sink into the couch, or even better you hoped the ship would crash. He stared at you with an unreadable expression, his eyes only boring into you.
"Really...? You..you like me?"
He pointed to himself in disbelief. You stared at him, dumbfounded. Did he think you were out of his league or something? You thought the contrary.
"Yeah? why?" You couldn't help but ask.
He chuckled, messing with the collar of his shirt.
"I just...that's hard to believe. You're so pretty."
Your face flushed at his words, and you laughed to hide it.
"Am I the first person you used that line on?" You teased.
"No," He replied a bit too quickly for your liking.
When your face dropped, he cackled. He explained that he was joking, but the idea that he had been with someone before hurt for some reason. You wanted him to be all yours, as selfish as it sounded you didn't want anyone else to experience love with him other than you.
"So, do you like me back?"
You asked, feeling insecure. He responded with a smile and a nod.
"Yeah. Sorry if it wasnt obvious enough"
For a moment, you forgot you were on a freighter with other people. It felt like it was only you and him in space. You teared up, trying to laugh it off, but the truth is this wasn't something you could easily gloss over. You really liked him, and the fact that he reciprocated those feelings hit you like a space freighter. He looked at you with concern when you started sobbing and laughing at the same time.
Your breathes were interrupted by hiccups as the laughter became overpowered by sobbing.
"Woah, are you..." he paused, instead wrapping his arm around you.
You just about wailed, trying to laugh instead, but more tears escaped your eyes in dismay.
"I'm sorry, I'm trying not to cry," you whimpered.
He giggled lightheartedly, patting your arm as he pulled you closer. Your cheek pressed against his shoulder.
"It's okay, I know it's a lot to bag someone like me"
You snickered, pushing him away playfully.
"Oh, shut up!"
You smiled wide, wiping tears off your face. You just couldn't cry around him. He always made you smile and feel giddy. You felt like a little kid with a crush.
"You seriously okay?"
"Seriously."
He smiled at your response. You pulled him into an intimate hug. Your arms wrapped around him tightly like he would disappear if you let go. He wrapped you into his own embrace, and you both enjoyed the feeling of your bodies against each other.
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+ Quick sketch by me
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leighlew3 · 3 days ago
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So...
I know a lot of people out there are feeling lost, helpless, hopeless, and especially perhaps the younger crowd wonders: what now? As someone who has taken hit after hit after hit of trauma, abuse, homelessness, suffering, struggle, loss, illness, etc in my life that at times seems never ending... dealing with perpetual trauma and finding hope in the face of devastation is uhhh sorta my specialty.
*dorky wink and finger guns*
So, first of all on my end let me explain my plans, and then get into the 'why' and what else I plan to do and how I think we all need to tackle these coming days, weeks, months and sadly -- years.
For mental health reasons on the heels of still struggling with my grief and what sadly has become chronic health issues, I'm probably going to spend the foreseeable future hyper-focused on writing, fictional ships, planning my next tattoo, the WNBA free agency, the end of the current NFL season, and doing everything humanly possible to boost my immune system for what will inevitably be the next pandemic/plague that this administration will laugh at as Americans drop dead again because "sCiEncE iSnT rEaL".
And I advise others to find what will help them survive as well.
Here's the thing though: "give up" is not in my DNA. Nor is burying my head and hiding out away from "anything negative", because that's a hella privileged position to take, and I'm not about that life.
So, I will be signing all the petitions possible, making calls to reps who actually have proven they care, protesting when possible, sharing important info on social media, volunteering, etc as well.
Which brings me to the point here: don't give up. Do what you can. But also... recognize your humanity and limitations whether they be financial, physical, psychological or otherwise. Because sacrificing your own sanity and health isn't going to help anybody. And then we're down one less soldier in this battle for the greater good.
IF there's another election in four years (never in my lifetime did I think that would even be a question), we will have a lot of rebuilding to do regarding lost progress. We need to be ready.
In the meantime, dive into something productive and/or comforting for your own life that keeps you fulfilled but also be ready and willing to do what you can help those around you, at key moments. It's that whole "put on your oxygen mask first when the plane is going down" thing. You can't help a damn soul if you can't even breathe.
Be kind to the people you love. Tell them you love them daily. Connect with like-minded individuals. Protect and defend our most vulnerable wherever possible (the disabled, marginalized communities, fellow women/girls, etc). Hug your pets and if you don't have any, consider adopting a rescue.
Vote in the 2026 midterms. Volunteer at or donate to your local women's shelters, homeless shelters, racial justice organizations, LGBTQ+ organizations, animal rescues, environmental organizations, nursing homes for the elderly, etc.
We have to find the balance between self-care for ourselves and making our own lives tolerable amidst this bs, especially any of us who belong to one or more of the above groups -- while also plugging in to help others and the community as a whole, as needed.
And trust me, it will be needed. More than ever.
You're not alone. Even if IRL you feel like you're the only person in your family or circle who hasn't 'drank the Kool Aid' and lost all sense of reason or basic human empathy.
If you're reading this right now -- please take a second to take some deep breaths, step away, and start setting both short-term and long-term goals for yourself and your life that will help you moving forward so you can continue to fight for yourself, and for us all.
Please remember, we're in this together.
I'm with you. 💜
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miraculouslbcnreactions · 22 hours ago
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"Another theoretical path for Zoe would be to let Chloe redeem Zoe. We know that Zoe was a massive liar in the past."
If I understood your pov about a Chloe redemption and how Lilia neither has reason to be on the show: if you had to use a character for Chloe to redeem, and kinda serve both as a foil for her and a lesson for Adrien's character growth, it wouldn't be Zoe, but Lila?
*sighs* You bring so many good points on the characters' writing that I can't beleive how many "repeated" characters the show has! Would you consider Socqueline another innecessary character?
(Post this was in reference to for Zoe and for Lila)
It's not shocking that the show has "repeated" characters. It's a school drama with 21 teen heroes in the canon cast (24 if we count the special characters). It's damn near impossible to give that many characters a unique role in the story unless you're dealing with extremely complex plots a la Game of Thrones where it's less one large cast in a single story and more smaller casts in mini stories that all intermingle. If you look at something like GoT, you'll notice that, while the overall cast is massive, each mini story has a more normal sized cast and those smaller groups only come together after they're extremely well established. Miraculous could have done something like that with each member of the class getting a mini arc that focused on them, but it didn't, so the cast is basically a uniform blob.
Zoe, Chloe, & Lila
Before we talk about Socqueline, I wanted to quickly make some comments on Zoe and Lila. If I had to have Chloe redeem someone to show off her new skills post redemption, then I'd have it be Sabrina. If Sabrina is off the table, then I'd pick Zoe. If Zoe is off the table, only then would I look to Lila because why use Lila when you have Chloe's best friend and sister as options? That's far more compelling than some random girl no one knew before this year and who no one is connected to. Even the Zoe route is questionable since she's so underdeveloped right now. Both her and Lila would need major work to be fully functional characters and I personally have no interest in doing that work since I don't feel like it adds enough value to canon.
I will note that Lila and Zoe actually had potential to be an interesting contrast to each other since they're both liars. Redeeming one and damning the other works far better than doing the same narrative with Lila and Chloe since Lila and Zoe have the same core problem while Lila and Chloe have nothing in common to the point where canon has to retcon in Chloe having a Marinette obsession so that the Chloe and Lila team up made sense.
Similarly, if you damn Chloe, redeeming Zoe could have been interesting. You could even redeem her and then, though her, save Chloe since Zoe hasn't suffered from Chloe anywhere near as much as the rest of the cast. That and their sibling status makes Zoe a decent choice for the person who changes Chloe's heart just like the Zoe's backstory feels like a good contrast to Chloe's canon story.
Zoe is introduced right after Chloe supposedly proved she didn't want to change (for this post, we're pretending people actually tried to help Chloe and failed). That should mean that everyone is really freaking wary of the new girl who shows manipulative tendencies while also claiming that she wants to change. That could have led to an arc showing how you know when someone does want to change and how to navigate that.
I don't think Zoe is a great candidate for that since she's a total stranger who no one but Chloe has any reason to care about, but it would have done something to make the people in canon actually learn the supposed redemption lesson we're currently missing. As-is, Marinette just randomly believes in Zoe right from the start and Zoe is good basically right from the start, showing that Chloe's betrayal meant nothing to the cast and driving home that Marinette's first impressions of people are basically always right. Adrien seems to be the only exception.
Socqueline
Socqueline is a totally pointless character who I would never have included. It's not that she's bad in and of herself, it's that she once again adds nothing to the cast that wasn't already there. She is Origins Alya on steroids. She's here to protect Marinette from Chloe and inspire Marinette to be brave and that's about it. Why she needed to do that when Alya is supposed to have that role is anyone's guess.
If anything, Socqueline undermines Alya since we now know that Marinette had an amazing best friend before Alya came around! Socqueline was willing to fight Chloe even before Chloe randomly mellowed out into a nicer person because seasons one-to-three Chloe has nothing on Derision Chloe. Even seasons four and five Chloe aren't as bad as Derision Chloe. This show has no idea what it's doing.
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chaifootsteps · 2 days ago
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i should've mentioned it when we were talking about tuca and bertie and them doing things right, but the arc bertie goes through with her SA and reclaiming it thru taboo fantasies is very similar to what ive been through, right down to a therapist opening me up to this new side of sexuality, and while it all happened to me years prior to the arc happening in the show, it broke me out of my anti shipper mentality that gave me this sense of justice and rigid rightness in what i was doing.
just thought now would be a good time to bring it up too because of the allegations against you and how what happened to max is basically the same thing that's happened to me. it's such an uncomfortable feeling to know someone who brought you into this world sees you like that, and having a fictional character similar to that person to self insert with in writing has helped far more then feeling disgusted with myself ever did or has, because i can stop anytime i want, or just get to a point where i move on completely from being able to gain anything from this personally. (which im leaning towards for now,) it's like bertie's therapist said, "because this time, you're in control."
i just wish antis could at least be more open to the idea that maybe, just maybe, shaming victims for coping this way isn't helpful, and that the lack of nuance implies shaming these uncontrollable fantasies (because you can't control your thoughts and like bertie's therapist said, "brains are weird!", although ive also heard the fear and arousal part of your brain is closely related which explains so many kinks to me tbh,) is the only form of healing and getting better, which it never will be. this kind of thing, of re-exploring your trauma thru fiction like this, definitely doesn't help certain people and that needs to be respected, but for anyone it does, they shouldn't just be written off as "normalizing their abuse", because im aware enough to keep this to myself, and to other people like me.
come talk to me about me "romanticizing" horrible things in fiction when you remember vivs shows have millions of views, and THATS why her writing like a fanfic author is bad - not because she inherently is one at heart. a large audience of adults should engage with these heavy topics, (and deserve to have them be written well, even if the stans swear they don't because nuh uh it's Da Best cuz mama viv made it,) not literal children. regardless of this unfortunate demographic that's naturally been formed and then unnaturally encouraged by the creator to line her pockets with their parents money, i think people have a moral obligation to tell a well written story about dark taboo subjects when they have such a large scale of production and connections like this, with some gray area in between, because theres some pieces of media that aren't as big as vivs creations or as small as fanfic writers (compared to other indie creations like video games or shows,) either, like mouthwash, or that one horror game with a sibling incest ending. that's what i mean when i said you aren't gonna make anyone want to fuck a lizard, but that vivs story's spread sentiment that would give 1970s victim blaming, "well, what was she wearing?" arguments a run for their money in how gross they are. i don't think max is gonna make anyone want to fuck their own dad either.
i hope this all makes sense! i think this is the most vulnerable ive ever been in your ask box. thank you for being someone who makes me feel strong enough to talk about this.
No, no, it makes perfect sense! Thanks for sharing your story, Anon...that was an incredibly vulnerable thing to talk about, and it couldn't have been easy.
I don't know if it's due to social media or what, but people have gotten really, really terrible at the concept of "I do my thing that works for me over here, you do your thing that works for you over there, and even though we don't understand each other, we mind our business about it." Like you said, it becomes a different conversation the more widespread and professional your piece of media is -- the same way that feeding 1,000 people a day is different than cooking for yourself -- but when we're talking about you and me and Max and all the randos on AO3? An appropriately tagged piece of work that makes a sharp distinction between fiction and reality is harmless.
What isn't harmless is telling someone that their intensely personal coping method is wrong and shameful and that they're a dangerous, evil person because it makes you uncomfortable, and that they're either a bad survivor or lying about being one.
Here's the scene from Tuca & Bertie, because it's so well done and always relevant.
youtube
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panstarry · 10 months ago
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my final from last semester that i made into a zine. cooked this one up in a couple hours before the critique (the ink was still wet!), so it's very raw and kind of sloppy but the sentiment is there. i love you trans people of color. we are the backbone of this community 🌟
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stagefoureddiediaz · 9 months ago
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Thinking thoughts about Abuela being back and with this backstory about her being taken in by charlatans and Eddies whole catholic guilt thing and how the two things kind of play into one another as an exploration of faith and being taken in by something.
Abuela giving all her money to the tarot card readers etc because she was searching for something - for connection (with Abuelo) - trying to recapture what she had lost, and How Eddie has spoken about trying to re-find the magic he had with Shannon - how Eddie hasn't actually fully reconciled the Shannon of it all when it comes to relationships and how his Catholic guilt connects into that.
How Marisol as a physical representation of Catholicism is part of that narrative - how Eddie is entering a place where he has to chose his path - in order to move on from Shannon he needs to fully square the hole - catholic or non catholic. And how that needs to happen first - before he can begin his queer journey!
#this is so incoherant#I'm also thinking about how Marisol fits into this narrative and how this idea of being taken in or fooled by a person plays into what we#know of her - how she wasn't upfront with Eddie (not saying she had to be right from the off but before moving in!!!) - how she is kind of#representative of secrets - especially around faith and ones connection with faith because she is essentially a stand in for catholicism#which (sorry to all the catholics out there) peddles in magic and secrets in order to keep the mystery of faith alive and therefore keep#people believing. How Eddie's reckoning with himself and the ghost of Shannon ultimately means choosing either to follow the path of#catholicism or non catholicism#How Marisol is a tie to religion and therefore his reasons for not having successful relationships after her (or even with her) and how#Eddie letting go will ultimately mean letting go of Marisol - how he can never fully move forward while catholicism still lingers#how I don't' think we'll be seeing the queer aspect of this narrative this season - that dealing with this first part is key and only once#he has figured it out can he then be free to know himself - is true self better - and accept and move into his full self as a queer man#so yeah - catholic guilt arc 7b and 8a - as its really a two parter - finally dealing with the remnants of Shannon - and its connection wit#his faith and then when truly free of that exploring his queerness!#So yeah - Marisol will possibly be here until towards the end of the season because she is meant to be the trigger point for Eddie in#relation to Shannon - its why they made the difference (and similarities) between S and M very obvious in 7x01#they have the time to build this story arc more fully now with the s8 renewal - to do it justice and unfortunately as part of that it means#she'll probably be around longer than any of us would like!#I don't know if I even make sense at this point#but I do want to reitterate that the show is goig out of its way to contrast her with Buck as well#to really show how close and right for each other Buck and Eddie are so no one needs to panic - she's here for the narrative not forever!#911 abc#911 spoilers#eddie diaz
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happyk44 · 2 months ago
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You know, children of Hades/Pluto and Thanatos/Mors with a propensity to develop SZPD or AVPD would also work. Their fathers are entwined with death, the dead, which makes connecting to the living hard for them.
It could be partly because of rejection when their parentage is discovered by demigods, possible unease mortals may feel around them due to their aura or whatever, and then partly because of their own innate nature, meaning even in the friendliest of circumstances they struggle to connect with the other person.
#in my headcanons bianca is the one with an innate detachment from living people outside of her immediate family#however i don't think she'd develop szpd if she had lived. she can make connections and friends easily. it's just not instinctive to do so#and she wouldn't fully meet the criteria needed to qualify. it would just be the personality type 👍#happy talks pjo#but if i was assigning them pds (which im not) I'd put Bianca at SZPD Nico with AVPD and Hazel with both#nico was rejected due to be a child of hades so there's that#as for Hazel i think it would be a combination of many things - her abusive upbringing making her recoil into herself#the racism and explition alienation due to the curse from the people around that she had to deal with#followed by isolation and an overbearing morher when she moved to alaska#then when she's brought back to life she struggles with derealization which causes a disconnect from the people around her#and she can't really socialize or talk about her life because 1) she was dead for 70 odd years 2) she's cursed but no one knows#and 3) her life sucked#so i think she'd have the fear of rejection from others for avpd as well as the disconnect/detachment from people for szpd#again I'm not headcanoning any of them with the above. I'm just playing around with where they would fall#for the most part what we see of the underworld kids is that they are relatively more adjusted than other demigods despite their traumas#it could be dissociation repression that their father is more present with them so they have resources available to seek help#or it could be that a general disconnect with their own life because as child of the dead they will never be fully grounded while alive#so all the pains really hit them once they die but while they're alive it's just oh well terrible things happen to me but its whatever
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icewindandboringhorror · 4 months ago
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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i-will-cry-you-a-river · 1 year ago
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"Er-ge, oh, Er-ge!"
Lan Xichen had no patience for Nie Huaisang's little troubles, not at that place and time, but the younger man sounded and looked so distraught and unconsolable that he felt obligated to help him. Even his tears looked real and honest, not just the dramatic ones he conjured when he was too lazy to bother with sect things.
"Yes, Nie Huaisang?" The younger - and smaller, weaker, his conscience whispered - man threw himself in his arms, tears flowing without his unnecessary sobbing noises.
Lan Xichen had a soft spot for his sworn brother's didi, his didi. And maybe helping him with whatever trouble he found himself in this time, he could hopefully pretend that the love of his life wasn't getting married to his beloved bride.
"Er-ge..." Nie Huaisang sniffled. "I'm in trouble."
"I already guessed that. What happened, A-Sang?" He asked, his hands buried into the soft locks of his younger brother.
Nie Huaisang pulled away, his eyes big and teary, tugging on his heartstrings. "No, Er-ge. I'm in trouble."
It took Lan Xichen more time than he would like to admit to finally understand the meaning of those words. Nie Huaisang was in trouble.
Oh, the irresponsible man!
"Who? Is it somebody in our status? Is there anybody who knows this? You need to get married immediately." He went into problem solving mood, his questions coming like rapid fire.
Nie Huaisang just cried.
"Nie Huaisang, this is serious!" He wanted to shake the boy. How could he be so- "Who is the father?!"
The answer came like a slap in the face. "Da-ge."
Oh.
Oh, the poor boy.
"I..." A sharp inhale. "I will help you. Nobody has to know."
His heart beats for Jin Guangyao, but he always had a soft spot for Nie Huaisang. It wouldn't be love, not the way it should be, but he would take care of the younger man and his unborn child. Da-ge's unborn child.
"Th-Thank you," Nie Huaisang stuttered. Tears were still gathering in the corner of his eyes, but he looked relieved.
Lan Xichen was glad he could be helpful. He was glad he could offer a good solution for his- his betrothed?
"I knew I could count on Er-ge's help," Nie Huaisang said, his usual fan fluttering in front of his face.
"You can always count on me," he promised. It was a promise he was intended to keep.
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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 1 year ago
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on my quest to find more books to read this year, there's been something kind of heartwarming to see that of the books on hold at my local library, or on the weekly bestseller's list at my local bookstores, there's always at least one book up there that's about Palestine. It's at least nice to see that some people in my area want to learn about the historical context of what's happening now, and learn far more than what a few posts on their feed can tell them. It makes me hope that public perception will continue to change for the better - and that the kind of support I've seen in my area won't die down immediately after a ceasefire is called
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aeide-thea · 2 years ago
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sometimes it really is just like. is this all there is. feeling oversensitive & undersocialized—too sensitive to socialize—forever, bc you never got enough ~affirmation~ growing up (poor, pathetic baby; how long will you persist in singing the same self-pitying song…), & so never developed the proper emotional cushioning against the heartache & the thousand natural shocks, &c, &c, &c, &c, &c…
#like—you can't get close to people if you're too raw to bear the inevitable grit of misunderstandings and small incompatibilities#we all fail one another. sometimes in a myriad of small ways‚ sometimes in big ones—#sometimes you and people you care about are simultaneously failing each other on separate but parallel tracks#and ultimately you have to be able to bear that and keep reaching out to people anyway‚ as you hope they will to you#and i just. i need so badly for something—someone—to be new and good and an easy fit‚ because i haven't got trying in me#but also frankly i wouldn't trust anything like that if it appeared to me‚ at this point#molly grue voice how dare you come to me now &c#i'm a fussy person whose capacity for delight has drained away#and i think it's SO important to be kind and yet still so often i don't manage it#despite biting my tongue SO often that it hurts‚ which has taught me to feel there's nothing acceptable abt my own reactions#and i never MEAN to be pompous or dickish or whatever but caring about precision and conscientiousness and whatnot isn't in fashion#so i'm pretty sure that's how i come off to most people#and there's no prospect of anything changing and it's just like. sometimes in the night i think. well. i'm basically already dead then.#like. the last‚ i don't know‚ almost-decade at this point has been a slow painful process of sinking ever deeper into exile#stripping away various social positionalities and connections in trade for—nothing.#alien nation.#all the norms are shit but outside them—what is there.#anyway.#feelingsblogging
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skrunksthatwunk · 6 months ago
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last minute pre-grandparent-visit room deep cleaning has revealed that within the drawer i tend to assume just has old, off generic birthday cards and theater/concert programs there are also many, many going away cards and letters and things from the last couple of times i moved away. i guess i always thought of it as such a lonely thing, and i talk a lot about how i don't think i made Real friends until recently, and not to get choked up on main or anything but i think maybe i was completely fucking wrong
#Real friends = deep friends and admittedly it's hard to have deep connections with ppl when you're like 10#and also hard to have deep connection with people when you don't understand yourself at all (bc how could you share it?)#but i was so profoundly loved.#and it's not like the bday cards and stuff aren't a part of that they're just so.. obligatory? whereas such cards from friends is. guhhh#like they missed me. maybe they still do at least a little bit. ahhhhhhh#like i was a shithead but i meant something to a lot of good people and so many of these aren't from just one person#they're a bunch of them coming together and bringing along inside jokes i only half remember and drawing my fucking ocs like GUYS.#GUYS I LOVE YOU GUYS. i may not remember all of you but you were like. goddd i think you made this bearable#and im so glad i saved these. i didn't know there were so many#speaking of which i also found THREE count em THREE decks of cards i know for a fact i have never used bc i have a favorite deck and it's#not those. what off the wall madness was i planning where i needed three non-matching decks of cards within sleep-reach at all times#anyway im reorganizing bc like 10% of that drawer was stuff i actually needed regularly (literally Just the knives) and it's a nightstand#so it should be like. stuff i frequently need like pens and junk. idk#like it's not as if i don't think about how my moving away hurt ppl like i've been abandoning ppl against my will my whole life#but i guess ive been thinking of it as some kind of responsibility or guilt thing? or painful in a me-centric way. they sent me off#with well wishes though they poured their hearts into these. they drew and printed photos and made little crafts bc they loved me#and that's what you do when someone you love has to go away. waughhhhgghhghbn
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