#and we'll all be happy again
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half-bakedboy Ā· 8 months ago
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everything stays unsaid
Buddie | 1.5k | general | 7x4 coda
After Tommy leaves his apartment, all Buck wants to do is talk to Eddie. He wants to apologize for making Eddie collateral damage to his stupid crisis. But he feels like he's broken some unspoken agreement between them or betrayed Eddie by feeling somethingĀ other for Tommy. It doesnā€™t make sense because itā€™sĀ Eddie, but he doesnā€™t feel like he can trust his gut feelings right now.
read the rest on ao3 or under the cut
After Tommy shuts the door gently behind him, all Buck wants to do is tellĀ someoneĀ why he has been such an asshole.
But when Buck thinks about calling Eddie, the person heā€™s hurt most, he doesnā€™t know how he would even begin.
Hey, remember how I body-slammed you into the pavement and sprained your ankle? Itā€™s apparently because I wanted Tommy to kiss me and I didnā€™t know that until he did. So sorry about that. Iā€™ll bring you takeout next time we hang out.
No, of course he can't do that. He has to prepare for this conversation, right? He has to figure out what heā€™s feeling, put a label on it so itā€™s wrapped neatly in a bow when he finally tells his friends and his family.
Heā€™s seen movies where nerves are haywire and difficult sit-down conversations lead to teary-eyed pride and generalā€¦ emotions. Heā€™s supposed to say the term and let a few seconds of silence worry him before the people he loves remind him they love him back, whether heā€™s into men or not.
ā€œIā€™mā€”ā€ he begins to say into his now empty apartment. Heā€™s not sure what to follow it up with.
ā€œGay?ā€ He tests. He thinks about how Abbyā€™s soft voice made his skin simmer, how chasing Taylor had sent thrills up and down his spine, the instant connection he had with Nathalia. No, he doesnā€™t think heā€™s gay.
ā€œStraight?ā€ He tries. The thought of Tommyā€™s lips on his, the gentle power behind the fingers on his face, the scruff on their chins velcroing together. The heat that catapults straight to his stomach tells him he can never call himself that ever again.
He knows there are other words. Bisexual, pansexual, demisexualā€¦ But he doesnā€™t want to dwell any longer on what he might be, not when who heĀ hasĀ been over the last few days has been so awful.
The last thing Tommy asked before he left was for Buck to call Eddie and thatā€™s all Buck wants to do.
But he still isnā€™t exactly sure what to say.
Iā€™m sorry I put you in the hospital. Iā€™m sorry Iā€™ve been such a possessive asshole. Iā€™m sorry I put you in the middle of whatever my feelings were doing. Iā€™m sorry you became collateral damage when all Iā€™ve ever wanted was to make sure our relationship never changed no matter what.
Luckilyā€”or unluckily, heā€™s not quite sureā€”his phone is ringing before he can talk himself out of finally reaching out. His entire body freezes when he sees Eddieā€™s name flash across his screen, but it relaxes almost instantly when his picture comes into view.
A few months ago, Christopher decided he was too old to be the background of his dadā€™s contact, especially now that he has his own phone. When Buck left his phone on the dining room table to clean up dishes, Christopher took it upon himself to snap some pictures of Buck and Eddie at the sink. Theyā€™re hip to hip, almost like one of them pushed the other in jest, and Eddieā€™s smiling over his shoulder like heā€™s caught Christopher in the act.
Usually, seeing the picture sends a warmth through him at the friendship heā€™s created and cultivated throughout the years. One of domesticity and care that almost no other relationship in his life can match.
Today, the picture ties his stomach in a knotā€”like heā€™s broken some unspoken agreement between them or betrayed Eddie by feeling somethingĀ otherĀ for Tommy. It doesnā€™t make sense because itā€™sĀ Eddie, but he doesnā€™t feel like he can trust his gut feelings right now.
He canā€™t really trust any part of himself, not until he clears the air with Eddie and figures out where the Hell things are going with Tommy.
Caught in his spiraling mind, Buck almost misses the call and answers abruptly with a choked-out, ā€œH-Hey!ā€
ā€œHi, Buck.ā€ Eddieā€™s words exhaled like he wasnā€™t convinced Buck was going to answer. ā€œIā€™m sorry to call so late, but Tommy calledā€”ā€ Buckā€™s heart leaps into his throat before dropping into a pit in his stomachā€” ā€œand said that heā€™d been there to see you and that he told you to call but he wasnā€™t sure if youā€™d actually do it. He said you guys talked and you seemed worried that he was replacing you in my life?ā€ Buck didnā€™t have time to breathe, let alone speak before Eddie continues. ā€œYou have to know thatā€™s not true, Buck. Tommy could never replace you. You have a permanent place in my life and you always will. Tommy canā€™t even begin to change thatā€”ā€
ā€œI kissed someone!ā€ Buck blurts out.
Buck didnā€™t know what he was going to say to Eddie, but it sure as hell wasnā€™tĀ that. Eddie is very aware of the fact that Buck hasĀ kissedĀ people before.
There are a few moments of silence, and Buck can hear Eddie pull the phone away from his ear like he has to check the caller ID to make sure itā€™s Buck heā€™s called.
Eddie clears his throat before he asks, ā€œAm I supposed to be surprised, orā€¦?ā€
ā€œIā€”ā€ Buck inhales deeply and lets out a shaky breath. He figures diving headfirst into this is the best way to go. ā€œIt was a guy,ā€ Buck says as steadily as he can. He doesnā€™t say Tommyā€™s name. Heā€™s new to this whole sexuality thing but heā€™s pretty sure that outing someone is a big no.
Thereā€™s more silence. Itā€™s not unusual, really. Eddieā€™s never been one to jump to words before thinking them through. That was typically Buckā€™s job. But that doesnā€™t make it any easier for Buck to wait it out.
Thereā€™s something about the pause that makes Buckā€™s insides feel like tinder just waiting for a spark to ignite him from the inside out.
ā€œAnd how do you feel about that?ā€ Eddie asks slowly.
ā€œSurprisingly normal,ā€ Buck answers.
ā€œCongratulations?ā€ Eddie sounds unsure, but honestly, Buck is pretty unsure of most everything himself so he can relate.
ā€œI was going to wait to tell you, figure out what this thing between Tommy and I is butā€”ā€Ā Fuck.
ā€œTommy?Ā MyĀ Tommy?ā€
Buck ignores the way his heart stings at Eddieā€™s choice of words which makes no sense because all theyā€™d done is kiss. He shouldnā€™t be so easily soured at the mere thought of someone else having Tommy. Unease settles somewhere between his heart and his stomach like his mind has decided he canā€™t unpack all his feelings in one night.
ā€œYourĀ Tommy?ā€ Buck tastes the bitterness on his tongue like heā€™s got a mouthful of Eddieā€™s too-hoppy beer that refuses to settle in his stomach.
ā€œI just meantā€”ā€ Eddie cuts himself off as if he knows itā€™s too late for excuses. ā€œI didnā€™t think you guys were that close.ā€
ā€œWe ended upĀ realĀ close,ā€ Buck jokes, an attempt at pushing down the awkwardness in the conversation. He swears he hears Eddie inhale sharply like thereā€™s something painful in the words. ā€œIā€™m sorry, I justā€¦ I donā€™t know what to do with thisĀ feeling, and all I wanted to do was tell you.ā€
Buck doesnā€™t know what he expects. For Eddie to have the answers, for Eddie to know him better than he knows himself like he always does, for Eddie to tell him that heā€™s always known or that nothing is going to change.
Then Eddie says, ā€œIā€™m glad you told me.ā€
The sentence holds more weight in Buckā€™s heart than it should. Itā€™s everything Buck imagined and,Ā Iā€™m glad you trust me with this part of you and Iā€™m here for whatever you need to do next, just like I always am.
So why does Buck still feel like it says so much more?
ā€œIā€™m sorry I knocked you down and sprained your ankle because I was having some sort of crisis,ā€ Buck tries again to make Eddie laugh and this time, it works.
ā€œIā€™m sorry you felt like you had to injure me to get my atteā€”ā€ Eddie trails off, and Buckā€™s heard this sentence before. He heard it right before Tommyā€™s lips connected with his.
Whose attention had Buck truly been trying to get?
Why is itĀ so hardĀ for him to answer that question when the answer should be soā€¦ obvious?
ā€œNext time, can you knock me over on grass or into some water? Itā€™d be a lot easier for you to forgive yourself if I could walk away if this crisis of yours keeps going.ā€
Eddieā€™s joking, and Buck laughs. Eddieā€™s joking, but thereā€™s something else there. Thereā€™s something underneath Eddieā€™s words that feels like hope. It canā€™t be hope that Buck hurts him again or hope that Buck continues to plunge deeper into crisis. Itā€™s like an acknowledgment that Buck is going to continue to hurt him, but heā€™s okay with it as long as Buck cushions the blow this time.
He doesnā€™t know what it all means, what unspoken conversation they're having that feels half-finished but barely begun. But he does know that if heā€™s going to figure anything out, itā€™s going to be later.
For now, he revels in the feeling of Eddieā€™s forgiveness and the excitement of whatever is to come.
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aquilamage Ā· 1 month ago
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Almost a year from my original post, still soo normal about them (even bigger lie), just with more pictures
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anewp0tat0 Ā· 7 months ago
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it doesn't feel real to me fellas. but I don't have time to sit by and chat and unload unfortunately so I'll just drop this and be on my way, cya kind folks very soon āœŒļø
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not professional but I liked how his eye looked goddang it. I knew I was screwing myself but I did it anyway
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courtesanofdeath Ā· 2 months ago
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Ginpachi-sensei anime coming October 2025!
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sysig Ā· 27 days ago
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Hi, sorry to be anon, but can I ask to see the Vargas family post trick or treating? Divying the goods, or just being tired from the event? Thank you and Happy Halloween!
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Day 30 - Fine, but you're taking nightmare duty
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northern-passage Ā· 5 months ago
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Hello, everyone!! I have officially sent emails out to all the raffle winners (be sure to check your spam folder). I'll be spending the next day or two linking winners with their respective author/artist.
Adding up all of the donations across all five gfms, I'm happy to say that we donated a combined total of ā‚¬2,121.73!!! Thank you everyone for donating and sharing. Please keep doing what you can to support the people in Gaza. Keep spreading their gfms and keep talking about Palestine.
Huge thank you as well to all the contributors. Thank you for offering your art and writing to the drive and helping me get the word out. Much love to all of you!! šŸ«¶ I'm very proud of what we were able to accomplish as a community.
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myrmica Ā· 6 months ago
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its so funny that all minuteā€”the guy who once upon a time hoped to redeem zamā€”'s team has accomplished is getting him to consider giving up his remaining honor in order to match the level they're playing on ?
#m#lifesteal#i can't stop thinking about minute&co dismissing the argument about how they've encouraged players#to ban themselves and thus contradicted their own stated goal#the way 'peaceful ending' warped into 'it doesn't matter what we do so long as we can flip a switch at the end' but what the fuck happens#in a scenario where you unban everyone who you've pissed off ? are they happy? is that peace? and you won't even defend the choice!#what the fuck is happening here!#you laugh at zam for saying he's won but you won't have the argument that you know you'd lose ^_^#none of this is angry in tone i'm having fun. thisis my bread and butter. i'm happy lifesteal is weird and tense again#enjoying that it's looped this far around into the ACTIVE dismissal of rp-logic where zam&co are having to say 'okay then#we'll win This game too!'#them acting dismayed that mapicc wouldn't walk into that obsidian box. like oh my god#and it's so different from the weird tenseness of s4 it's something different entirely. new meta conflicts just for me !????#we'll see how it all ends.... they might make me mad again but we'll cross that bridge#it's so different from the Vitalasy Incident even though both involve people functioning in opposition to lifesteal's 'storytelling rules'#for vi it was because of his emotional investment. it manifested in nothing but endless 'character-level' debate in the lead up and#plenty of emotional roleplay from vitalasy in the aftermath#vi's primary effect on season 4 through the wormhole was to render lifesteal's gameplay obsolete#pb&j's primary effect is instead to focus intently on Winning that game while everything else falls by the wayside
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hamletshoeratio Ā· 6 months ago
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Can y'all just be you know normal Marina Thompson for like 5 seconds? Because christ, the sheer Misogynoir that some of you spread about her character is insane and you don't even realise it.
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royalarchivist Ā· 2 years ago
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Quackity tweeted (then very quickly deleted) this tiktok video, but not fast enough.
As a reminder: tomorrow (Tuesday 4/11) at around 2pm PST, Quackity will be streaming with Luzu and introducing him to Tilin. He'll also, apparently, be taking a DNA test to determine whether Luzu or Wilbur is Tilin's father. šŸ¤Ø
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dribs-and-drabbles Ā· 7 months ago
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An alternative review of GMMTV Live 2024 part 2
A list of the shared items of clothing that appeared in the trailers, ranked according to the amount I squealed when I spotted it.
6. getricheasy sports shirt
The first of four from Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist, this had its first appearance in Only Friends and was used in the promotional material for The Outing but I didn't spot it in the show, so I'm happy to see it again. Who knows if it will be used in the actual show...that goes for any of these items incidentally.
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5. Blue with yellow detail knitted vest
I've had a screenshot of this vest worn by Thor since I saw it as Wednesday Club aired. I swear I've seen it somewhere else before but can't remember. But hence why it immediately jumped out to me in Perfect 10 Liners.
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4. Green sports jacket
On to the second of the four from Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist, and oh to be Poon and be able to wear the jacket that our King and Queen have worn -> first by Namtan in UMG and then Mix in his glorious cameo at the end of Only Friends. I predict we'll see this again a few more times.
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3. Blue with brown edging shirt
I was happy to see this one, another in Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist, because I had kept it in my mind since seeing it in Only Friends - as another potential that might get worn again. It's subtle yet quite distinct...and very much in a similar vibe as many other shirts worn by Force (and shared with Sea, Ngern, and New amongst others).
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2. Red, blue, and green striped t-shirt
I'm impressed with my brain for spotting this one, the last from Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist, because at first it just felt familiar, and I immediately thought of UMG but I thought it might just be because it's similar to a few stripy colour shirts that Nanon wore. But I had a look through my screenshots of the series and eventually found it all the way at the end...
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1. Ink's mustard knitted vest!
This one I could not believe. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would see this iconic vest from Bad Buddy again. But here we are, on Mix no less in Ossan's Love. It's not something you'd expect to see on Mix...but then again I thought the costuming of the trailer looked a lot more 'quirky' than usual and very much fitting the kooky/slapstick vibe of the series. But honestly, this made my day.
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auriannaventiwithcaramel Ā· 5 months ago
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so i've finally watched yellowjacket
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seaofreverie Ā· 2 months ago
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Sparkstember Day 21: Exotic Creatures Of The Deep (Strange Animal)
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Some of you might already have some idea of how absolutely abnormal I am about this album and have been for several months, without fail. It's... perfect? And you know that personal relevance will also often be a total game changer in deciding what your ultimate favourites are and such. It's personal relevance of my own doing anyway, if I can call it that, you know those memes that go something like "it's MY mental breakdown and *I* chose the soundtrack!!". Oh yeah, that's what happened here. But even that aside I might never get over how much ECOTD is EVERYTHING I might want from an album and it has not lost its power with passing time even one bit. I'm wary to call anything a number one definitive favourite most of the time, but if I really had to choose... yeah, this is my favourite album of all time, there's absolutely no denying that.
Where do I even start with this... Well, coming back a bit to the LB - HYL - ECOTD series as a whole, I love how all three of them have so much in common and each one is some sort of natural development on the previous one, keeping its core elements but also adding new ones that are unique to the new album. And I guess the style of ECOTD is the one that ended up speaking to me the most. Toning it down a bit on the repetition aspect, adding more fancy synths, heavy drums, more guitar-based stuff continuing from HYL... And its still edgier and more electronic and darker and theatrical than the previous ones. Maybe I could even call it straight up COOL sounding (at least at times) in a way that the previous ones aren't (or not quite as much). (And that's not to say that they're all not icredibly cool in their own way anyway, but, you know.) None of these three are definitely better than the others for me by the way, but. Still, love the whole evolution here a lot.
And now, of course, a word on the craziest and most ambitious idea of the century, the 21Ɨ21 shows. I spent about a month, if not more, earlier this year going through what I'm quite sure must be the majority of what's been recorded from these shows, and I have no regrets. And yeah, one of the most impressive feats in the history of music, playing 21 albums in full day after day, but also can we please talk about the visualisations they put there to go with the albums. Catching glimpses of those album covers being comically stretched or rotated and such was a very important part of the whole experience. But yeah, Sparks Spectacular, it really is so spectacular.
I actually do have specific favourites on this album rather than being obsessed with it all the same amount, but I think it deserves special treatment just like Lil' Beethoven, so, let's go, going over all of them now. And I think it's better to just dive straight into them now anyway, in order to get a better hang of this whole album and why it's so brilliant and special to me.
Intro + Intro Reprise
I love you leitmotifs that reappear throughout the album and tie it all together. Such a good touch on what is imo the most cinematic of Sparks albums
Good Morning
This happened a couple of times to me with Sparks, when I first hear a song and I'm quite intrigued and delighted but that's mostly it. And then I hear it once more after a while and I'm never the same again from that point on. THIS!!!!!! SONG!!!!! I was so right that I would love all of ECOTD even more than anything before it based just on this. This is the Russell falsetto album by the way, that's important to note. I'm very impressed by this song in many ways. I like that it starts with this specific synth sound that's VERY characteristic of this whole album. And the fake ending... This song has LB and HYL all over it but it's also its own beautiful thing
Strange Animal
This song has an effect of "stopping in my tracks the moment I hear the first note" on me to be honest, another one of my forever and biggest favourites. Right up there with all the other rocking epics to the likes of Ugly Guys With Beautiful Girls, Dick Around and As I Sit Down To Play The Organ. Sparks going meta on music & being a musician is also always very cool to see
I Can't Believe That You Would Fall For All The Crap In This Song
My first impression of what would become my most listened to Sparks song was a "wait, this was supposed to be a Sparks-only playlist, am I still listening to Sparks??" But a couple more months passed and what can I say, I'm obsessed now (and have been for over half a year now). The Maels saying "fuck you" to love songs & pop songs cliches will always be one of my favourite things about them... While they're also actively alluding to and using those cliches to create something very effective. I'm sure that it being so similar to the type of electro pop songs that were getting lots of radio play in the late 00s is why I'm so drawn to the sound here. It's always all about that nostalgia effect, huh (and this album is the absolute PEAK of "oh god why are all these songs so nostalgic to me I've only known them for this relatively short amount of time")
Let The Monkey Drive
This song ends what is probably my favourite 4 consecutive songs run on any album ever. Each is so mindblowing but in a different way. Best thing about this song to me is its atmopshere. It's just SO tangible. Like, this IS driving past the speed limit on a highway in the middle of the night (we can ignore the rest of what's happening in the story here for a moment). Obsessed with Russell's voice here and also it's so great to me how such a minimalistic approach can be so effective in creating this whole very specific mental image. Just unsettling strings in the back and two notes (or repeating chords) on the piano that are sort of the most prominent "melody" here and that's all you need. The suspense, the understatedness of it all, I love it
I've Never Been High
One of the most Sparks-like of Sparks songs in a way? And another one where I could probably start coming up with lyrical interpretations for on the spot. Lots to think about regarding all of these songs to be honest. And I like how the rising piano notes at the end lead into the descending flute (?) melody at the start of the next song
(She Got Me) Pregnant
Honestly, I absolutely love this song, it's one of my favourites on the album, maybe top five material. And it somehow sounds exactly like how I could have imagined it to sound, based on just its premise, I don't really know how that works but it does, lmao. And who else would give you this sort of song if not Sparks, no one
Lighten Up, Morrissey
Glam rock bliss that does not clash with the rest of the album despite being pretty stylistically different from the rest of it. Quite saddening that it's the only song here that has a music video, when there's SO MUCH potential here, seriously, again, this whole album is so cinematic. I do quite like what we got here though, love this era of Sparks ALSO when it comes to the visual side of it all (I keep saying this over and over), but still, there's so much more we could have had, y'know
This Is The Renaissance
GOOD GOD, I LOVE THIS ONE, in love with it from the first listen. It's everything that makes this album so grand and one-of-a-kind in a nutshell. Among the top 10 Sparks songs that should have had a music video also. I have a pretty elaborate painting idea based on this song in mind, so I hope I'll be able to make it into reality at some point in the future
The Director Never Yelled 'Cut'
List of Sparks songs where movie-directing is used as an allegory of sex is somehow at least two songs long I've noticed (this + Love Scenes). Anyway, this one's a pretty heavy one to unpack so I don't think I can really do it justice today. Love it just like every other song on here though
Photoshop
Another one that could have had such a killer music video. Again, stripped-down arrangement that's just enough to hit you with the right amount of feels and overall one of the most killer Ron piano master moments overall, now that I think about it. The plea of "photoshop me out of your life" sounds pretty... on-the-nose out of context? But again, Sparks magic makes it work anyway! And the 21Ɨ21 performance is in my top 10 Sparks live moments of all time (I don't actually have a list like this but, maybe I should make it now)
Likeable
...This is the song of all time to me. Honestly, give me any song pondering the nature of what it means to love vs what it means to like someone and things of such nature and you have me hooked forever. But even that aside, musically speaking, it's just... perfection. Most cinematic Sparks song overall maybe, it's really just like a little movie, every moment is so perfectly timed and measured, I have no words honestly, for just, how incredible it all is. The melodic aspect now, it makes me so emotional, one of the most likely of Sparks song to make me cry, for real. I could start going over every different part of the song now but honestly, they're all just, equally amazing. Special shoutout to the waltz parts though, and the bridge. Oooohhh the bridge, when it all gets so intense, and then the main melody reappears with an acoustic guitar, it's just, peak of it all. And then the intro leitmotif comes back again and it's just?!?.?? My feelings on this song might even still not be fully comprehensible and clear to me. All in all, couldn't imagine a better album closer than this, hands down. And this song also closing the Sparks Spectacular series of shows, yeah (not counting the encore). Oh man. Oh maaannnnn. What a freaking ride.
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likesummerrainn Ā· 6 months ago
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AEW Dynamite | 05.29.24
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chucapybara Ā· 7 months ago
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i'm going to be sick. the softness in arlecchino's voice, devoid of the usual rigid stoicity she so often keeps; the deliverance of a punishment within which is imbued clervie's freedom, at the expense of losing someone so precious to her once more...
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des-no9 Ā· 18 days ago
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Saga Lavellan,,,,,,,she's sad and tired
and my rook lol idk what is going on here. wee goth girl vibe. but meet Binnie. is a shadow dragon but desperately wants to be a mourn watcher hashtag goals or something.
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rui-drawsbox Ā· 9 months ago
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Comm for @ CitrusCynical! Part one bc I'm working on a few more ā™Ŗ
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