#and we have no answers but they feel so important

[drchucktingle]

this is a very kind and thoughtful comment thank you buckaroo. as far as how to rephrase i think an important point would be that not everything needs to be asked of someone else. maybe it does not need to be rephrased but maybe REEVALUATED ALL TOGETHER?

'how are you a real person. that actually exists?' is the first part.

i would say the first thing is to consider what it feels like to be denied your personhood in general. the subtext of this comment is 'the way you simply ARE defies my idea of existence.' feels a little dang weird, but then consider that you are saying this to an autistic person and a queer person. are there ANY marginalized groups of people that you would trot up to and say 'how are you a real person' to?

but the thing is, it is not HOW you are asking that, its WHY? take the scenario we just had of trotting up to any marginalized person and saying 'how are you a real person?' why is it on us to explain our existence to you just because... you feel like knowing? is that what queer or autistic people signed up for just by waking up in the morning? are we here to answer your questions about our fundamental humanity?

'i love you chuck tingle i have never read any of your books' is the next one.

WHY do people feel the need to assert some kind of rude 'i like you but i do not really like you' to artists? to people? to QUEER people? does it really need to be rephrased?

fundamentally what you are saying is 'i am a fan of yours but not enough to take the time to engage in anything you have published or support you financially i just like to look at you from afar.' another common read is 'i like you but i am not gay' or 'i like you but ironically because this is all a little joke right?

as a creator that is fine with me. i am TOTALLY fine with however buckaroos want to react to my work. THAT IS THE BEAUTY OF ART. but i will also speak on these things and posit the question out of promoting kindness and intention: do you REALLY need to tell someone that?

honestly this has been my entire career. there is a very common arc of people making fun of me and then becoming fans, and i am not upset about that. so really i am not taking the time to talk on this way FOR ME, i am doing it for the smaller artists or creators or queer or autistic or marginalized people who ALSO have to hear this vomit of irony and detachment every day. it takes very little effort to just take a moment and NOT say something unkind. together we can work to prove love in small ways that ultimately amount to something big.

trotting into the next year, lets try to treat the buckaroos we find to be strange and unique a little less like this. autistic buckaroos do not owe you an explanation for their existence. before you write something like this please consider whether you would say it to someone you met face to face

also would be great to stop approaching queer erotica authors to tell them 'ive never read your books' as if everything they create is actually some massive ironic joke we are both in on. i do not want to CALL OUT buds, you are proving love in your own way, but something to consider this year

[heavyhitterheaux]

Here (Slight NSFW)

See Me Through You Series

I'm sorry if I seem uninterested

Or I'm not listenin' or I'm indifferent

Truly, I ain't got no business here

But since my friends are here, I just came to kick it

But really I would rather be at home all by myself not in this room

Synopsis: Girls night quickly goes left when your safety ends up being compromised

Series Masterlist

Warnings: underage drinking, drug use

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Textbooks as well as individual pieces of paper filled with notes were scattered all around both you and Joe clearly forgotten as the makeout session that you two were currently in had taken priority.

As always, he had offered to help you study and you only had one more final to take until the semester would officially be over with. But studying led to him giving you kisses here and there and now he held your focus.

When Joe had suddenly pulled you on top of him, that's when your phone decided to go off.

“Ignore it, baby.” Joe told you as you had broken the kiss in order to grab it and he quickly pulled your face back towards his.

“But…” You started to protest, but Joe immediately cut you off.

“It can wait. I hardly saw you all day.” He told you and you leaned down once more to kiss him.

It wasn't until your phone went off a third time when he audibly groaned at the sound.

“It might be important, babe.” You said as you then let out a laugh from his reaction.

“Fine, answer it.”

“Two minutes. Stop being a grump.”

“I'm not a grump for wanting my girlfriend's attention.” Joe told you as he pouted. You gave him one last kiss before starting to look for your phone.

Finally locating it, you grabbed your phone from the other side of Joe's bed under one of your notebooks and saw it was Erin and quickly answered. But that didn't stop Joe from giving you his undivided attention.

“Yes, boo?” You answered and you could hear movement in the background.

“Uh, are you forgetting something bestie?” Erin asked and you were honestly genuinely confused.

“Forgetting what?”

Since you were still straddling your boyfriend, he took the opportunity to move your panties to the side and ran his fingers along your folds making your eyes go wide.

You gave him a warning look and mouthed ‘stop it’ but he paid you no attention as he grabbed your thighs and moved you all the way up until you were directly over his mouth.

“Me, you, and Alisha were going out tonight! You were supposed to be here getting ready with us.”

“Shit, I completely forgot.” You told her in response as you felt Joe take one long lick and you had to cover your mouth in order to suppress a moan.

“Alisha found some new spot for us to go to and I need to find a boyfriend so we have shit to do.” Erin told you as Joe's tongue was now moving in and out of you.

“Ohh, umm. Okay, I'll be there soon.” What started out as a moan was quickly suppressed by the full answer you gave her.

“Remember ladies free before eleven so hurry up. And I promise to return you to your boyfriend in one piece. I know you're with him from the sounds you're making. Being discreet was never one of your strong qualities.”

“Erin!”

“I can tell he's giving you his undivided attention! Just saying! I'm not mad at it. After he's finished putting you through the mattress, come to my apartment.”

“You get on my nerves, but I will.” Your response came out shaky as you hung up and glared down at your boyfriend who didn't do anything but smirk in response which then led to you rolling your eyes.

“You definitely could have waited until I got off the phone. She knew what you were doing.”

“No I couldn't and it's not my fault I want to make you feel good. And where are you going?” He asked as he then started kissing along your thighs.

“I forgot I promised Erin and Alisha that I would go out with them tonight. I'm sorry, baby.” You told Joe, but all he did was shrug.

“They can have you for a few hours and I'll get you the rest of the night. You promised them, so you should go.”

“I need to go back to my apartment to get something to wear and then head over there.”

“Hmm, I'll take you, but you aren't going anywhere until I'm finished. I want these off. Now.” He told you and a laugh escaped your mouth as he tugged at the waistband.

You slowly pulled them down while still straddling him and slid each leg through one by one as you threw them on the floor.

“Much better.”

It was 10:25 when Joe finally pulled up to Erin’s apartment just as he had promised and was still having a difficult time keeping his hands to himself. After he had eaten you out for close to an hour, you returned the favor and the two of you had then gotten dressed to head to your apartment.

Being there quickly led to him eating you out again before he finally allowed you to take another shower in order to get ready to go out with your best friends.

“I need another kiss before you leave.” He told you and you laughed as you pinched his cheek.

“I’m not going to be gone long, babe. The sooner you let me go, the sooner you come and pick me up.” You replied as you connected your lips to his.

“Do you know where the three of you are going?”

“No idea, Alisha chose the place. Apparently it just opened, I think that’s what she told me in the text.”

“Just let me know when you get there and what time I should come and get you. I’ll be awake, okay?” He told you as you nodded your head and fixed your bracelet that was gracing your left wrist.

“Okay, will do. Promise.” You replied as he leaned over to kiss you once more.

“I love you.” He quietly whispered against your lips and you felt his mouth turn up into a smile.

“I love you too. Be back soon.”

–

“How in the world did you get us a table in VIP?!” You asked Alisha as all three of you had now gotten settled in your section and she simply smiled at you.

“Connections, boo. I got connections.” She answered as she looked over the drink menu that was placed on the table.

“Her connections are fucking one of the bouncers.” Erin stated as she playfully rolled her eyes and Alisha shrugged.

“And…. we get all of our bottles on him tonight.” She told both you and Erin and your eyes suddenly went wide.

“Wait, what? We're not even 21….” You replied since you were now confused.

“He doesn't know that.” She said as she sent a wink your way.

“Y/N, stop acting like you've never gotten drunk before.”

“Well yeah, in your house and your sister gave us IV fluids.” You told Erin who had quickly snatched the menu from Alisha earning a pinch to her arm in response.

“It'll be fine. Just sit back and have fun. We almost made it through our first semester at LSU. We deserve to celebrate that. As well as you finally breaking up with Trevor's dumbass. Joe is literally perfect for you.”

“He is, I’m happy that I stopped being scared and finally gave him a chance.”

“And not to mention, he obviously knows how to please you from what we heard on the phone earlier.” Alisha added as she eyed you while a small smirk appeared.

“That was hilarious, you were trying so hard not to moan, but me and Alisha knew what was happening.” Erin confessed as she busted out laughing.

“And he did it again before he dropped me off at your apartment.” You told both of them and they collectively gasped.

“Oooh, yall nasty. But I love it and I do not blame you one bit. But enough about that, let’s have fun and pray that I pass my final tomorrow.”

“TOMM- ERIN?!?!?” You exclaimed and she simply shrugged.

“I don’t take it until three! I have time to sober up!”

“Isn’t your GPA like 1.7?” Alisha asked Erin before she busted out laughing.

“I will take the first bottle we get and bust it upside your head! No! It’s definitely not since I would have been kicked off the team if it was.”

“Anyway, moving on. Let’s start off with something light.”

You knew for a fact when you went out with Erin, drinking was anything but light.

“And what is your definition of light because I know for a fact mine is different.”

“Vodka shots!”

“Maybe I need to preorder the uber.”

The three of you stayed in your section at your table for a good while when Alisha decided to go with the bouncer that got the three of you in the section in the first place whose name you learned was Derek while you and Erin decided to make your way downstairs to where the dancefloor was. Not being in the mood to be around that many sweaty bodies, you told Erin that you would keep an eye on her while you sat at the bar and decided to get another drink. You knew that you would have been a lot more wasted if you weren’t drinking water in between downing the alcohol.

That was when you felt a presence next to you.

Looking over, you saw that it was Cameron, Trevor’s best friend who also played on the baseball team with him.

“Hey.” He said and you instantly felt weird.

You could never quite put your finger on it, but something about him had always rubbed you the wrong way. When you had told Trevor, he simply brushed you off and told you that you were being dramatic.

Surprise, surprise

Cameron obviously had never flat out said it at least in front of you and neither did Trevor, but you knew deep down for a fact that he didn’t like you. And he probably didn’t like you now more so because you had broken up with his best friend.

“Hi.” You quietly said as you were trying to decide what drink you wanted to order.

“Who’s here with you tonight?” He curiously asked and you instantly rolled your eyes.

“Not with my boyfriend if you must know.”

Cameron instantly held his hands up in defense.

“It’s not any of my business what happened between you and Trevor. I was just curious. He isn’t here by the way since I see you constantly looking around.”

“Hmm, that’s surprising since when I see one, I usually see the other not too far behind.”

“I just… wish you two could have worked things out. He really loved you.”

When you were quiet, he took another approach to get you to talk to him.

“But, your happiness is what matters.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that.” You told him since he actually sounded sincere for once.

“Anyway, let’s celebrate the semester being over and new beginnings for you.” Cameron replied as he waved over the bartender.

“What are you drinking?” He politely asked and you took a second to think it over.

“Amaretto sour.”

“Good choice.”

When you were waiting for your drink to be made, you turned away from the bar in order to face the crowd to once again keep an eye on Erin as you had promised. You spotted her and was taken out of your thoughts by Cameron nudging you in order to hand you the drink he got for you.

“Cheers.” He simply said as the two of you raised your glasses. It took less than two minutes for yours to be gone as Cameron still stayed in his place next to you.

“See you around, Y/N. Enjoy your night. Wishing you and Joe the best.” He said as he winked at you before walking off.

As soon as he was out of sight, you decided that you would go to the bathroom before grabbing Erin and heading back upstairs to your table.

When you were washing your hands, you glanced up in the mirror and had to blink a few times to get your eyes to focus.

After you dried your hands and threw the paper towel in the trash can, you felt off balance and quickly leaned against the wall in the bathroom to steady yourself.

“Fuck, did I really drink that much already?” You asked yourself before taking a few minutes to clear your head.

Once you felt that it was safe to move, you headed back out to find Erin.

She happened to be in the same place that you had originally left her, but the walk back felt like it took an hour.

That was when you knew something wasn’t right.

“Y/N? Babe? You feel okay?” Erin asked you as she had pulled you over to the side away from the crowd. Your head felt fuzzy and you leaned on the wall in order to steady yourself.

“No, I… Erin I'm scared. I don't know what's wrong.”

“Okay, we'll figure this out. What did you drink? Did someone give you something?” Erin was trying to get answers out of you since her back had been turned and she had been facing away from you as you were sitting at the bar. She had peeked over at you periodically and made sure you were okay, but hadn’t seen you drink anything.

“Cameron.” Was all you could get out as you had now slid down the wall in order to sit on the floor.

“Y/N, why the FUCK would you take a drink from him out of all people!? You know he's just as unhinged as Trevor is! They're obviously best friends for a reason! Shit! No, stand up!”

“But I'm tired. Where's Joey?”

“He's not here, but you have got to stay awake.”

Alisha walked up to the two of you and instantly got a look of concern on her face and was confused about what was happening in front of her.

“Uhh? What the fuck is going on? Why is she on the floor?” She asked and Erin turned to see you had slid onto the floor anyway despite her protests.

“Help me get her outside so we can call 911.”

“Joe is about to kill us because of this, well Cameron I should say.”

“And Ja'Marr.”

The two of them helped you up as they gathered all of your belongings from VIP and made their way outside. They sat you on the curb with Alisha sitting next to you as Erin dialed 911.

As she was giving the location as to where the three of you were, a sudden wave of nausea hit you as your head was laying on Alisha’s shoulder.

“I have to throw up.” You simply told her and she immediately turned you to face away from her as you emptied what seemed like everything you ate all the way back from two weeks ago.

All she did was hold up your hair and rub your back as the three of you waited for the paramedics to arrive.

“I’m going to fucking kill that asshole.” Erin said to no one in particular as she was now pacing back and forth.

“Erin, no.”

“Y/N, stop. He did that in an attempt to hurt you for breaking up with his best friend and you cannot tell me any different.”

“I just want to feel better and I want Joey.” You quietly said as a hiccup escaped your mouth.

“I know, babe. I know. I’ll call him once we get to the hospital. We need to make sure that you’re okay, first.” Alisha said as you turned to throw up again.

That was the last thing you remembered before waking up in the emergency room of the hospital not too far from campus.

As you opened your eyes, Erin and Alisha both gave you a small smile, but you could faintly hear two voices arguing.

And it sounded like Joe and your twin brother.

“What happened? And what is happening out there?” You asked the both of them who exchanged looks with one another.

“Well, this will be the last girls night out of the apartment for a while. Okay let’s do the cliff notes version. Cameron slipped something in your drink that caused you to get all woozy. You found us and we took you outside before you threw up and passed out. You got here, they drew blood to find out what he slipped into your system, gave you an IV and fluids. Next when you were somewhat stable, each of us called Joe and Ja’Marr and we did not in fact know that Ja’Marr had no idea that you and Joe were in a relationship. Uh, apparently that uh is why they’re arguing now. Ja’Marr thinks you two hid it from him and Joe is saying that you guys didn’t. And that’s what you missed on Glee.” Erin finished and you sighed as you looked at your arm that had the fluids running through it.

“And that is actually your third bag of fluid. Once you finish that and tolerate eating something you should be able to leave.” Alisha added as the door to your room opened.

Both Joe and Ja’Marr had pissed off looks on their faces.

“Pebbles, I’m happy you’re okay, but I am mad as shit at you right now.” Ja’Marr told you as you looked at him confused.

“Why? I didn’t do anything?”

“You damn right, you didn’t do anything. Since when were you going to tell me that you two were together?!” He asked gesturing between you and Joe who simply had a neutral facial expression.

“What? I thought it was obvious? I also didn’t realize that I had to tell you every single little detail of my life.”

“Are you serious right now? You’re dating one of my friends and didn’t think that it was important to tell me? And you literally tell me EVERYTHING. So what the hell are you even talking about?”

“Ja’Marr, that is literally not even important right now. SOMEBODY DRUGGED YOUR TWIN SISTER IF YOU HAVEN’T NOTICED.” Joe finally said, but he just shook his head at him.

“I can’t believe the two of you. But you’re about to be discharged so I guess I’ll see you whenever.” He said and started to walk back out.

“Bam Bam, get back here.”

He didn’t react, but simply kept going.

“JA’MARR!”

“Just let him go, babe. He’s pissed off right now so just let him cool off.” Alisha quietly said and you couldn’t help but start to cry.

“I just need for this night to be over with.” You quietly said as Joe wiped away your tears.

“Do you know who did this?” Joe asked the three of you and all of you exchanged looks.

“Don’t all speak up at once.”

“Cameron, he’s Trevor’s best friend.” You quietly said and it was at that moment you knew that Joe had begun to see red.

“No, don’t get any ideas. We already filed a police report when we got here.” Alisha told him, but you knew for a fact that he would get his revenge in his own way. It had been happening all semester and you knew that this was going to be the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Joe took a deep sigh before saying anything else.

“You’re okay and that’s the important part. Ja’Marr will come around.” He told you as he placed a kiss on your forehead.

“I hope so, but from the look on his face, I don’t know.”

It was now five in the morning when you had gotten back to Joe’s apartment, took a shower, and was now simply lying down in his bed with your head on his chest as his arms were wrapped around you.

The ride home had been silent, and you were somewhat convinced that he was mad at you. So, in order to not let anything end up in an argument, you simply stayed quiet.

The television was on a low volume when you had finally asked him, not being able to take the silence any longer.

“Are you mad at me?” You asked and Joe looked down at you dumbfounded.

“What?”

“Are you mad at me?”

“Baby, why would I be mad at you?”

“Because I was irresponsible and took a drink from someone that I probably shouldn’t have and look what ended up happening.”

“You had no idea that he was going to do that to you, and no I’m not mad at you. It would be really stupid of me if I was. All that matters is that you’re safe.”

“But my twin is mad at me.”

“He’ll come around, just give him time. I honestly don’t think we hid anything from him, but we weren’t exactly screaming it from the rooftops either.”

“I’ll call him later and see if I can get him to talk to me. Usually if I bring him food, that makes everything better.”

“Just sleep on it. It’s been a long day and night for the both of us and like I said, the most important part is that you’re safe.” Joe told you as he placed a kiss on your forehead before turning off the television.

Two days had passed when Joe along with several other members of the football team made their way into the gym that was located on the southside of campus.

And there he was just like he knew he would be.

Luckily the gym was empty as Joe approached Cameron from behind and waited for him to notice him.

Cameron was looking down as he was working on his biceps, but was in for a surprise when he looked up and saw Joe.

He gave him a small smile before reracking the weight he was using and walking back over to him.

“Can I help you with something?” He asked him and instead of Joe replying with words, he immediately put his hand around his throat and backed him up against the mirror making his head hit it with a thud.

“I heard you were the one who slipped something in my girlfriend’s drink the other day, hmm?” Joe asked and Cameron frantically shook his head no.

“No, it wasn’t me. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Now Cameron, let’s not lie.”

“I’m not lying, your stupid bitch of a girlfriend is.” He replied as he laughed, but of course Joe found nothing funny.

“Oh, wrong answer.” Joe replied as he motioned to Justin to punch him directly in his jaw.

“Fuck!” Cameron said as he could feel his mouth fill with blood.

“I’ll keep this short and sweet. You and your bitch ass best friend Trevor need to stay the fuck away from Y/N. You understand?”

“Or what? She’s not even…”

“Watch your mouth before I break this mirror using your face. You should know better than to disrespect her in front of me. I don’t want to have this conversation with you again. Good talk.” Joe told him as he finally let him go.

“Don’t let it happen again.”

—

Joey- All good, baby. Trevor and Cameron won’t be bothering you anymore.

You- Uh, babe…. What did you do?

Joey- Nothing 🙂

You- Baby… I told you the police would take care of it

Joey- And it’s my job to take care of you. Where did you want to go for dinner tonight?

You- JOSEPH LEE, stop dodging my question!

Joey- Not dodging it, princess. Like I said, it's my job to take care of you and protect you and make sure you’re good. I love you, see you soon.

[ohithankyou]

there’s a chance that this is a widely held belief but in the case that it isn’t—hear me out. i don’t think buck realized that, during their breakup, tommy had told him he wants forever with him. that tommy didn’t breakup with him because he doesn’t want forever, he broke up with buck because he wants forever. he aches for forever. but his fear has led him to believe that forever isn’t his to have, regardless of his desires. tommy knows that (well. in complicated ways i would argue but i’ll come to this another time), we know that, but i don’t think this is something buck has fully realized. and this isn’t a dig at buck’s competence. not at all.

what buck was ready for that night was (what i’m assuming is) their weekly date-night out. they’d go out, watch a movie, get some dinner, come back to buck’s and spend the night together luxuriating in each other’s presence, as they often did. just a sweet night together that would be made, in buck’s mind, all the sweeter by asking tommy to move in with him and tommy accepting (because i do believe buck thought he’d say yes). and maybe he believed that their date-night out wouldn’t just be their usual date-night out, it would be a celebratory one marking an important milestone in their relationship.

and so, buck went from riding this high of asking tommy to move in with him, of leading this important next step in their relationship — likely believing that the conversation would end in them moving in together — to being told no and being broken up with instead. as in—he got hit and shot down twice. first, with tommy telling him that he couldn’t move in with him. and second, with tommy consequently breaking up with him. the latter (the breakup) being something he didn’t even process until the very end, when he asked tommy for clarification. and this lack of processing, in my opinion, was due to a combination of: buck’s own high expectations of tommy’s potential answer because he wasn’t privy to tommy’s fear (which could be its own discussion) and overall, the very abrupt nature of the breakup itself which carried a ton of emotional whiplash. but once buck did understand that he was broken up with, i think that’s all he was able process.

given all of this, i would care to bet he absolutely didn’t register what was, essentially, tommy’s declaration of love to him during that emotionally hectic moment. i also don’t think that it’s something he’s realized since then. again, not a dig at his competence, but more so the emotions surrounding being broken up with taking precedence in his mind. and this would ultimately explain in someway, why he’s trying not to give into his urges—into his desire to call tommy. and why he’s baking instead.

but also, we know that he wants to reach out and was going to do so when he caught tommy bubbling him (until he was interrupted). so i do trust that he knows tommy likes him, i don’t think he doubts that, but he’s hasn’t realized or processed the full extent of tommy’s feelings. and given that, i’d say that buck’s desire to text tommy (as far as the mid-season finale) is largely fuelled by his own feelings (which is a good thing and in my opinion, shows growth). as, buck knows what he wants and that’s tommy—now and in the future. maybe he’s not able to express it through words but at his core, he knows that everything he expressed to him that night, he did so because he meant it (and plans to mean it). so, if or when buck realizes tommy also wants forever but his fear is keeping him from taking that chance, i do believe buck would immediately reach out and challenge him.

[yuikomorii]

AYAYUI IDOL AU: Chapter 1

// I present to you… MY FIRST EVER FANFIC! It’s inspired by these headcanons and these posts. As mentioned before, in this story, the Sakamakis are simply regular idols with a vampire-themed concept; they’re not actually vampires or related. Since I noticed how much you all enjoy this kind of content and have been so supportive, I thought you might like a fanfic based on it. ☺️

I’m by no means a professional writer, and my style leans more towards the visual novel/otome game format. Even so, I hope you’ll like it! 💕

Voice announcement: Ladies and gentlemen, we have now arrived at our destination.

Before you disembark, please take a moment to ensure you have all your personal belongings with you. For your safety, mind the gap between the train and the platform edge as you exit.

We sincerely thank you for choosing our services and travelling with us. It has been our pleasure to serve you, and we hope to welcome you aboard again soon. Take care!

Yui: ( Eh? Is this…—! )

— eyes widen —

I’m here… I’m finally here!

Yui’s Monologue

I can’t believe my dream is actually coming true! All this time, this seemed like a childish wish but right now I truly am in Tokyo…!

Uuh… I’m getting a bit emotional, but can you blame me? It simply feels… surreal.

I never thought my father would agree to let me join a work exchange program in such a massive and dynamic city.

To be honest, I was half expecting him to say no, but it seems he believes in me more than I thought.

Knowing that he trusts me this much… it really makes me want to work even harder to prove he made the right choice.

Yes, that’s so. I will try my best to make father proud!

— takes big breath —

Yui: Nice to meet you, Tokyo. Let’s make this journey one to remember.

Place: Studio

Photographer: And~… pose! Ah yes, exactly like that! Keep on, keep on!

Ayato: ( Man, this shit is so tiring at this point. )

— smiles falsely —

Photographer: W-Wonderful…! Another one, thank you!

— keeps taking pictures —

Ayato: ( Can this woman stop blinding me with that flashlight already? It’s past 11 pm… )

Photographer: Now, a profile sho——

Manager: Hold on.

Pardon my intrusion, but I believe we already have enough pictures for today. Don't you think so?

Photographer: Eh? But we just got star— Oh my, it’s almost 12 am!?

G-Geez, my apologies. I guess the saying “time flies when you’re having fun” must really apply here.

— winks at Ayato —

Ayato: ( Gross! )

Manager: If more promotional pictures are required, we can extend the photoshoot to tomorrow. Watanabe-san, would it be possible for you to arrive earlier if that is the case?

Photographer: With such eye candy around, who could resist spending more time with him~?

Fufu, just kidding. I'll contact the director and get back to you with an answer as soon as possible.

Until then, have a good night! Bye-bye~!

— leaves —

Ayato: Haa… thanks goodness! One more photo, and I might’ve completely lost it.

Manager: I understand completely. Given your schedule, it’s clear you’re quite overworked. Nevertheless, it’s impressive how you still manage to perform so well.

Ayato: Heh… thanks.

— rubs eyes —

Manager: You look a bit tired, Ayato-san. Rest assured, the limousine should be arriving soon.

Ayato: Right, the limo is on its——

( Fuck! I can’t believe I almost forgot about it! )

Wait! Now that I think about it, I’ve got something else to take care of.

So… don’t mind me! Go ahead and take the limo; I’ll call for another one later.

Manager: Haa… Ayato-san.

You're not planning to do something that could get you into trouble, are you?

Ayato: O-Of course not! It’s just… no, it’s nothing important. Just a silly little thing I remembered I had to solve.

— tries to leave —

Manager: Ayato-san!

Ayato: Huh?

Manager: Do NOT let anyone see you, understood?

— Ayato nods and leaves —

???: You’re late.

Ayato: …!

Man, you almost gave me a heart attack!

Laito: My bad~. You came prepared at least, didn’t you?

Ayato: Yeah, yeah.

— puts cap and mask on —

Laito: Nfu, let’s go, shall we?

Place: Street

Yui: Uuh… come on! Why is no taxi in sight?

( It’s been two hours and I still couldn’t find my way to the Airbnb. )

( I knew Tokyo was huge, but I wasn’t expecting the transportation system to be this complicated… )

— looks at sky —

( It’s already late, huh? )

( I wonder if it’s safe for a girl to roam on these streets at this hour. Well, at least I hope it is, otherwise… )

Place: Private Night Club

Laito: Two Cosmopolitans. One for me, and one for that very fine lady over there, nfu.

Ayato: Another glass of Tequila.

Laito: Heh, another one? Is this the fifth by chance?

Ayato: I had a busy week, okay?

Laito: Ah, of course you did. After all, our Ayato-kun is the IT boy of this generation. Always swamped with brand deals, while the rest of us barely get a crumb~.

Ayato: …Not funny.

Laito: C’mon, don’t take it too seriously.

— pats his back —

I doubt any of us could care less about brand deals anyway. The idol job already pays well enough, and with barely any time for ourselves, why would we want to give up even more of our freedom?

Ayato: ( It’s not like it’s my choice though. )

Well, I can’t deny that the love I get is cool and all, but sometimes… hmm, how do I put it? It feels like people only like me because I’m an idol, y’know?

Laito: That’s to be expected, isn’t it? Fans often form a one-sided connection with idols simply because we’re constantly visible and accessible through the media, without really knowing who we are or what we’re capable of.

On top of that, you’re the visual, the face everyone admires. Who wouldn’t be drawn to someone who's not only stunning but also famous? It’s like the perfect package for embodying every girl’s fantasy.

Ayato’s monologue

Laito… he always knows what to say.

Seriously, this guy is so aware of everything around him to the point that it’s becoming unsettling.

And the worst part? He’s not just talking—he’s right, which is why it almost hurts to hear it.

At the end of the day, we idols are just puppets, carefully crafted to feed into the fans’ delusions. They don’t see us for who we truly are, but rather as a fantasy they can cling to.

And we, caught in the spotlight, are forced to live out that role.

Before becoming an idol, I was surrounded by people who kept me around because of my looks. At first, the amount of attention felt good, but as I mature, I realize just how hollow that really is.

I can’t help but wonder… if it weren’t for my appearance or status, would anyone actually treat me nicely? Would anyone be willing to accept me, flaws and all?

Heh… now I just sound stupid. As long as I’m an idol, I doubt I’ll get my answer anytime soon.

Waitress: Here we go, gentlemen. The Cosmopolitan and the Tequila.

Laito: Hello, earth to Ayato-kun, are you still in there?

— waves in front of his eyes —

Ayato: Yeah, yeah. I was just spacing out a bit.

Laito: Nfu, cheers.

Ayato: Cheers.

— they start drinking —

Ayato: Ngh…!

( My chest… it started aching! )

Laito: Hm, you good?

Ayato: Y-Yeah… I just— Ngh!

( It’s getting worse! )

I need some fresh air, that’s all.

— quickly puts on mask and cap —

I’ll be right back.

— quickly goes outside —

( Haa… Haa… what is happening…!? )

Agh… fuck!

( It hurts…! Could this be…—— )

— eyes widen —

( No… No, don’t tell me this is a real heart attack! )

Hnn… Ngh!

( What… what should I do now!? )

???: Quick! Please, drink this!!

— hands him water —

Ayato: Huh…?

— takes it and starts drinking —

???: A-Are you feeling better? I got another bottle in case you need it too.

Ayato: Haa… Haa… It’s okay now, all good.

???: Are you sure…? You really seemed in a lot of pain.

Ayato: Yeah… no worries.

( This girl… she just saved my life, didn’t she? )

By the way, uhm… thanks for that.

???: A-Ah, it’s nothing, really.

As far as I recall from my father, drinking water after alcohol can help reduce chest pain and lessen the severity of a hangover. I’m glad to see that it actually works.

Ayato: Heck yeah, I’m glad to see that it worked too, otherwise who knows how I would have ended up.

— the girl giggles —

???: You should be more careful though. Drinking too much alcohol can be very dangerous.

Ayato: ( Okay, mom. )

Yeah, yeah, I got it. I’m not usually like that.

Moreover… why exactly did you help me?

???: Eh? What do you mean?

Ayato: ( Could it be that she actually recognized me? )

( My face is practically hidden behind the mask and cap, and we’re in the dark, so there’s no way she could have, right? But if she did… )

???: Uuh… I suppose it was out of pure instinct.

Ayato: Instinct, huh?

???: Yup. You see, I heard you struggling, so there was no way I could brush that off.

Ayato: Hmm… But wait a minute, what were you doing all alone at this hour?

( What if she’s a stalker then? )

???: Ah… uhm… T-That’s a bit embarrassing to say out loud.

Ayato: Oh, come on, you straight up saw me about to drop dead from drinking Tequila. There’s no way this could be more embarrassing than that.

???: Actually… today’s my first day in Tokyo, and I’ve been struggling for almost 3 hours just trying to get to my Airbnb.

I tried taking the subway, but there were way too many lines, and I got lost at some point.

As for taxis, every time I tried to flag one down, the driver just ignored me.

Ayato: ( Nevermind, I’m taking it back. This might truly be more embarrassing. )

Pfft, why didn’t you call for a cab then?

???: I couldn’t find any reliable number…

Ayato: Hmm… Alright then.

I just arranged one for you. You’ll just have to tell them your location and wait for them to get you there. There’s also no need for you to pay.

— lends her money —

???: E-Eh!? Thank you… thank you so much! But I’m sorry, I just can’t accept the money!

Ayato: Nah, it’s fine, seriously. After all, you’re the one who helped me first.

Just promise me you won’t tell anyone about what happened today. Understood?

— the girl nods —

Ayato: Heh, great. Well, I guess it was nice to meet you. Now it’s time for me to return.

???: W-Wait! I forgot to catch your name!

Ayato: …!

( So she really doesn’t know me? )

It’s——

( No… it’s too risky. )

Oh look, the cab arrived! You should hurry up!

???: But—

( He left…? )

Yui’s monologue

As the taxi started moving, I found myself looking back, almost subconsciously, hoping to catch one last glimpse of that boy.

Today had been exhausting, but despite the strange circumstances in which we met, those brief minutes spent with him were oddly comforting.

I wonder who he is and what his life is like. It feels a bit silly, I know, to be thinking so much about someone whose name I don’t even know.

But there was something in his presence that made me feel in a way I haven’t felt in a long time.

Whatever it was, it stuck with me, lingering in my thoughts even after we parted ways.

My journey has only just begun, and yet I can’t shake the feeling that meeting him was no coincidence.

I really hope I get the chance to cross paths with him again.

[astracora]

Happy Newdawn Day!

Characters: Poly!LADs x gn!mc (featuring Nero, Tara, Simone, Greyson, Yvonne, Jeremiah, Thomas and Caleb (mention only))

Warnings: None

Word Count: 5797

Written: 1st January 2025

Notes: Established relationship with gn!MC (using Cat Curse MC) with all LADs, with my personal pov of the game and lil headcanons littered in. Unnamed MC, but using my personal MC's basic appearance and adjusted backstory. I take some liberties with what the game offers me. I'm so sorry this got away from me so much I feel baffled by it. I just had to get it down, it's so messy and not beta-read, but I love them all so much. (I'm also sorry for the ending, I got possessed by Caleb's not-ghost). So enjoy... the first actual fic I've written for the Poly!LADs and not just smaus... Now I need to eat.

Masterlist AO3

If someone asked you right now, “Hey, a year ago did you think you’d be stood here?”

Well, you’d have given some incredulous notion of being alive, let alone stood in one of Linkon’s Parks, taking in the sight of your loved ones.

Most of them, anyway.

If, upon meeting Xavier, Rafayel, Sylus and Zayne (again), someone had said, “Hey in a years time they will be the most important people to you.” You’d have laughed in their face. The idea as absurd as it is invigorating… because they are. The most important people in the world to you. The companions you trust to have your back in combat, the people you want to see most when you wake up, the lives you most want to share.

You think back to a hazy childhood, told your heart could give out any minute. A timeline unknown, the nature of your condition hard to track. The core in your chest, a question no one had the answer to. Giving up on a future, on meaning anything.

You think back to days spent in the hospital, for your heart, for injuries gained from fights that even Caleb couldn’t help piece back together, for the arm you lost. Wondering if you were going to hit the wall eventually.

When you lost Caleb, your partner in crime, and rock, you’d expected the tides to rise. Sinking you.

It was folly to misjudge those around you. Kindness, warmth and love, with some degree of greed. Of course they’d grabbed your hand, pulling you back to land. Wrapping you in a towel, bringing you to heat, keeping you shielded against the chill.

The wounds healed, though they left scars behind, but you could breathe again. 

That troublesome little heart beating harder, hope as a lifeblood. Bringing you forward, keeping you moving.

All the way to a new year.

Between the five of you, the gathering had bloomed out for Newdawn Day.

You’re not sure how Rafayel and Sylus had gotten permission to rent out an entire park. Money had to be involved, you also wouldn’t be surprised if threats came into play too. Though you hope not.

You’d been decorating all morning. Flowers, bunting, balloons. Tables set up with food, drinks and an entire section set up with photobooth equipment and props. After all, you’d spent far too much of this year taking photos, what better way to commemorate the end of it.

Xavie’s barbeque has reopened, with Sylus keeping a watchful eye… or being an interference. It was hard to tell.

Rafayel has taken to making drinks, you weren’t sure where he learned how to mix cocktails, but you’re happy to leave him to it. Watching as he makes non-alcoholic ones for Zayne as well.

You sit with Tara and Simone, watching the people around you.

“I can’t believe we’ve been hunters for a year now.” Tara nudges you, grin on her face. Her cheeks are slightly pink, eyes glittering as she leans her head on your shoulder. “I’m so glad we joined together.”

The fidgeting in your chest is ticklish, and you let out a soft laugh under breathe, “Yeah, me too Tay.”

Simone leans back in her chair, stretching her arms out behind her, as she balances on the back two legs, “We’ve been really busy, I bet it’ll get worse too.”

Tara groans, “Come on Omi…”

A bark of laughter is the response as she rights her chair, leaning forwards, “Hey, it’s fine, we’ll be working at it together.” Poking Tara in the forehead, she laughs again.

As she rubs the offending spot, Tara looks over at where Nero is chatting to Xavier, “Can’t believe Nero came, he doesn’t really enjoy these kind of things.”

“Yeah, no offence but I think he likes Wanderers more than us.”

You laugh, it’s not incorrect. You think about meeting Nero, about the shy man who is a living encyclopedia about wanderers, who could talk for hours about Lumiere. You also think about how isolating it is not to share things you enjoy with others, not knowing how to approach people because they think you’re weird.

Odd.

Not fitting in.

You think about how the first time you’d engaged with Nero’s conversation, his eyes had lit up and he’d leaned forwards so far in his chair he’d fallen out of it.

You think about how he attached himself to Xavier, just because the man listened, calm, even if he didn’t always have much to say in response.

Didn’t make him feel like an outsider.

Pride fills your chest even though Xavier’s personality has little to do with you. You still find yourself loving him more for his warmth. His acceptance.

The sleepy smile on his face when he assures someone he has no problems hearing them.

“There’s no Lumiere specials running today,” Simone is talking, looking at her phone, “maybe the size of the gathering and that mixed together to make a Nero appearance.”

“Plus, Xavier.”

“We should have invited Jenna!” Tara exclaimed, grabbing your arm, pulling it. You think that maybe Raffy put a little too much rum in her daiquiri.

“Do you think she would have even come?”

You think about Sylus over by the grill, arms folded and canines on show in his smirk, “I think maybe next time, I’m sure we can invite her next time.”

When the stress of having hunters in the same area as Sylus isn’t quite so high, when you’re not constantly worried about tripping up with his name. When you don’t have to sit and debate if inviting him is worth the risk, despite loving him and wanting him there. Wanting to see him outside of his world of violence and strain.

You’re not sure how much Jenna knows, but it’s not worth pushing a brick in an old wall.

“You should check on those kids though.” Simone reaches over to turn your head, to where to twins are milling around by the dessert table. You can see them fidgeting. Hand twisting in their hoodie pockets. “Either they really want some cake, or they’re uncomfortable.”

You are standing before she’s even finished talking, worry twisting at you like a snake around your chest.

Tara releases your arm and nudges you forwards, grin on her face, “It’s Simone’s turn to get drinks anyway.”

The woman laughs, twisting the end of her ponytail around her finger, “They’re free, this is the easiest set of rounds I’ve ever had to get.”

Your laugh is soft, and warm, and so heavy in your heart, but you lean down to kiss the top of Tara’s head as she smiles so happily up at you, “I’ll see you in a bit.”

“See ya bestie!”

Simone returns the salute you offer, and you let your feet carry you to the twins.

They’re wearing their crow hoodies again, but with party hats over the hoods. Kieran’s scars are visible, his hood pushed back so you can see his eyes. They’re wavering, unsure. Darting around the place. It’s less controlled, but he looks so much like Sylus does that you pause.

Worried. They’re worried.

Of course they are, there’s hunters here, people who pose some… degree of threat to the person they care most about, other than each other.

Luke is fidgeting, bouncing on the heels of his feet, like he doesn’t know where to put all the pent up energy. You can tell the two are in a feedback loop. Feeding off each others anxieties.

As you approach, they seem to halt, for a moment. Looking at each other, then at the cakes, then at you. Seconds, and then Luke forces a grin. “Hey Hunter!”

Your head tilts as you watch them, Luke pushing his hood back a little so he can look at you properly.

“You’re wearing them again?” It’s an easier question, than the one you want to ask.

“Of course! They’re comfy.”

“Boss keeps pulling them off us to wash them.” Kieran pouts at you, the expression pulling at the scar over his cheek, “Aren’t clothes meant to be worn?”

It’s hard not to laugh at them, they remind you of kids far younger than they are sometimes. Other times the darkness lingering in their gaze is reminiscent of one you’ve seen in your own. In Sylus’… In Rafayel’s.

There’s a sickening in your stomach, that you have to move on from quickly, lest it start to burn like acid.

“You have to take care of them, clean them, and they’ll last longer.”

Kieran rubs his chin, and the laugh comes out this time. They really have picked up so many traits from Sylus.

It gives you some courage, to focus on their expressions, and force through the feeling that always comes, “Are you two ok? You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

Luke blinks, fidgeting stopping, and droops, “No.”

Kieran nudges him, “He means, no we’re fine.”

“You don’t have to lie.” You move to the table, and despite knowing they haven’t eaten a proper meal yet, you slice some sponge cake and shove it into their hands on little paper plates. “Eat.”

You feel like Zayne is in front of you for a moment.

Eat, then talk about how you’re feeling.

You’re not sure the cake fixes the feeling of struggling through your feelings, but you do know that the distraction of sugar, gives you a moment to ground on something real. Tangible.

The twins take the plates, looking down at them, and then back up at you.

“You don’t have to stay, anywhere you don’t want to be. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You don’t have to pretend, or lie, or act a certain way.”

You’re relieved when they take the plates, even happier when Luke shoves some in his mouth. He doesn’t bother with the fork, just grabs it. Kieran pokes at it for a moment, before following in his brother’s footsteps.

“There’s a lot of people.” Kieran finally speaks, twisting his fork in the sponge.

“You can borrow my noise cancelling headphones if you like? I’m sure Zayne has his too.”

Luke shakes his head, “Not like that. Too many possible threats.” He winces, “Sorry, they’re your friends.”

You sit on the table, carefully avoiding cake as you look at the two, “They’re my friends, they’re strangers to you. It’s alright.”

“We just feel weird. On edge.”

“Do you want to go back to the base, somewhere safer? Or home?”

The two shake their heads in sync, frowning more, “No. We want to be here. With boss. To celebrate.”

“So how can I help?”

The expression they shoot back is another you’ve seen on Sylus’ face. But their eyes are wider as they blink at you, their faces younger. Their cheeks softer. You wonder, for a moment, if this is what having brothers would make you feel like.

“If you want to stay,” You clarify, “what can be done to make you feel better here?”

They look at each other, hesitating on the precipice. You wonder if they fear revealing too much, like you are. Showing too much of your heart is a risk. It comes with the very real fear of stumbling over the edge, with no net to catch you.

It comes with your chest flayed open, fragile organ revealed, ready for the risk of a knife… or a hand, no matter how gentle.

“We don’t know.”

“Can we think about it?”

You nod, hopping off the table, “You come find me the second you work it out, or go bother Sylus. I’m sure Xavier would appreciate the break from his probable torment.”

They laugh, and you watch for a moment as they resume eating their cake. Some level of buoyancy back in their stances. The relief settles… It’s something at least.

A door they can walk through at any moment.

The smell of grilling meat and vegetables has you drifting over to Xavie’s Barbecue. You’re relieved that Sylus has been keeping an eye over it, because there’s no smell of burning, and Xavier’s successfully making an array of food for everyone.

You didn’t want to think about how much food wastage there would be otherwise…

Nero is talking animatedly, gesturing as Xavier nods. Sylus is half paying attention, smirking at the prince every now and then. He notices you first though, hearing your footsteps even over the grass.

Sharp red eyes, turning molten and liquid as his gaze focuses on your approach. “Ah, there you are kitten.” Is said on an exhale. You’d think it was relief, with the way he breathes you in as you stand next to him and Xavi.

Xavier uses the hand not currently turning burgers, to hold onto yours, squeezing before releasing.

With his chin resting on your shoulder, Sylus indicates towards Nero with a half-hearted wave, “The Lumiere fan was just telling us some new stories.” You can hear his amusement. Clearly enjoying the situation.

The look on Nero’s face, however, is thrilled. You’re used to spending time talking to him, but the glee you see is always somewhere on the verge of scary, and sweet. “I heard that Lumiere took on an Arbiterwing. ALONE!”

You feel ice drip down your spine, and your eyes pin Xavier. Who jumps, almost dropping his tongs.

A chuckle sounds in your ear, as a hand grabs your waist, thumb soothing under your shirt to help ease down your hackles.

“Oh you did, huh? All on his own?”

“Yeah, how cool right? Lumiere’s EVOL is so powerful.”

If you had your fangs still, you think they’d be showing, as your try not to outwardly glare at the hero in question, “So cool. I bet he’s a really impressive person. Lumiere, that is.”

This time Xavier pouts, and you see the light blush moving over his cheeks. He looks over at you, brows furrowing.

“I wonder how his loved ones must feel though, finding out he fought such a terrifying beast on his own.”

Now he has the decency to look guilty, like a sad bunny, ears drooping. You almost feel bad, almost. Wanting to soothe skin in your hands, before you remember he’s the one out there fighting wanderers you’d had to fight with a team, on his own. “I’m sure he was careful.” Xavier grumbles, pleading beautiful starry eyes focused on you.

“Foods burning, prince.” Sylus purrs from his place leaning against your shoulder.

The man in question jumps, and resumes his work.

Nero still has starry admirable eyes, not paying attention to your and Xavier’s starring, “It’s a shame he’s not a hunter, imagine how much more he could do in a team of us!”

You look away from Xavier, whose shoulders relax a bit when you stop spearing him with your eyes, and laugh, “Would be helpful having him around, right?”

Tara and Simone call over Nero, yelling for him to join them. You almost expect him to turn them down, but he seems buoyed by his conversations with Xavier, and trots over to join them.

One you’re alone, you turn around to look at Xavier properly, “Really? An Arbiterwing?”

Sylus growls a little, “Damn things.” You’ve never asked Sylus why he finds Arbiters so difficult, you remember fighting one with him in the N109 Zone, and you certainly didn’t want to fight one again if you could ever help it. Still he seems particularly irritable about them.

“I promise I was careful. I didn’t have time to call for anyone else.” He places a hand on the your cheek and presses a kid to your forehead, pleading eyes bright and beautiful. You sigh, tugging him down a little, planting a kiss on his cheek. His cheeks flare bright, and his fingers twitch against your cheek. “I’m not going anywhere.”

You poke him in the chest now, “I’ll hold you to that, oh great hero.”

His groan is accompanied by yours and Sylus’ laugh. Who nuzzles against your shoulder, as he watches Xavier plating food.

“My job is done, nothing’s burned down.” He nips at your neck, “I think your favourite crow deserves praise.”

You mimic him, rubbing your chin with one hand, and titling your head, “Is Mephie around? I thought he had the day off.”

Another nip, this one a little harder, but not painful, “You’re cruel, kitten.” His hands are now both under your shirt, kneading your skin, warm palms sending small skitters of heat up and down your spine, “I worked hard, keeping the prince from destroying everything with his curse.”

“I’m not cursed.” Xavier spits back, “Some things just… don’t like working for me.”

“The burned down kitchen back at the base, certainly felt cursed.”

“It was your ovens fault.”

“Whatever you say, bunny.”

Your hand reaches up to tangle in Sylus’ soft hair as the two snipe at each other, easing through the strands and pulling his head in a way you can kiss him. He bites your bottom lip, and as you pull away, drowsily tries to chase your lips with his. Purring at the scratching at the back of his head. “You did good, both of you. Thank you.”

He doesn’t answer, just purrs and growls as he nuzzles, and inhales.

Xavier’s smile brightens, pride in his countenance as he nods, “Of course Starlight, whatever you need.”

“Take some grilled fish over to the fish, kitten.” Sylus finally breaks out of his daze, lifting himself up to grab a plate for Rafayel, that is being pilled with his favourites. “He’s been making drinks all day, I worry he’ll fall over soon.”

There’s something funny about the leader of Onychinus making sure Raffy is well fed, because he’d deny he was doing it. Pretend it was just to keep things moving smoothly, a measure to make the day easier to deal with.

Rather than what it actually is, concern for someone he cares about.

For a man so honest with his feelings, he prefers to hide them in smokescreens.

With a final kiss, one pressed to Xavier’s hand, and one to Sylus’ forehead, you leave with the plate.

When you approach Rafayel, he’s making a new drink for Yvonne and Greyson. It has gummy bears sprinkled on top, and a tiny little umbrella stuck in some pineapple. Greyson’s cheeks are very bright red, and you’re not surprised that he’s leaning heavily on Yvonne’s shoulder for balance.

“For you.” You offer the plate to Raffy, who sniffs at it happily, before stuffing a piece of salmon in his mouth.

“Cutie!” He speaks through chewing, pulling you down to join him at his makeshift bar. You grimace, staring at the sticky surface, and the mess he’s made.

Raffy is many things, a clean worker is not at all one of them.

You pull your arms back quickly to not get a horrifying sensory issue.

Your fish doesn’t notice, instead shaking a mixer in one hand, as he eats with the other. Even just looking at him, you can see the blush on his ears, and the slight unsteadiness to his hands. “Let me do that.” You take the mixer, “Eat.” He obliges, frowning only a little bit before he happily begins to clear his plate. Humming in satisfaction.

Xavier is a capable cook, when there’s no active flames or risk of explosion.

“Hey hunter!” Greyson exclaims, leaning forwards, his drink spilling a little over the side. “Thanks for inviting us.”

Yvonne smiles, offering you a glass of… what you assume is a Piña colada based by the pineapple slice. You take it, placing it down in front of you as you shake the mixer. Handing it back to Raffy, as he finishes his food. “I’m shocked seeing Dr Li trying to set up fireworks.”

Your laugh is warm, and fond. Zayne builds such an image of himself around others, “He’s secretly a big child, under the snowy layers.”

“Dr Li checked his watch so many times today, we were all worried we might get an emergency come in.”

“I wasn’t looking to seeing him frown, if that would have happened.”

“He shows his feelings so easily now, when it comes to you all.”

It’s hard to fight the heat in your cheeks, but its true. He has softened so much, especially recently.

Another drink is put down, “For Tara.” Raffy says, “This one for Simone.”

You watch as Yvonne nods, picking them up and wandering off.

“You’ve gained bar staff.” You speak, watching as Raffy puts his mixers down, finished with his orders for now, you assume. “What a successful little bar, our fishie is running.”

He preens, fangs peeking out with his smile, “I’m good at everything I do cutie.”

“Where did you even learn?” Greyson asks, chewing one of the gummy bears.

Rafayel shrugs, “Just one of those things you pick up when you travel.”

Looking at him, you want to ask follow up questions… but Raffy won’t share if he doesn’t want to, there’s always a feeling like looking through murky water with him. There’s always something there, lurking under the surface, but so hard to make out. You have to wait for it to surface, wait for it to come to you.

Better than trying to fish it out, and hurting it.

“I’ll take some water bottles around to everyone in a little while.” You look over at where Tara, Simone, and now Yvonne, are singing to a song playing throughout the park. As Nero nods his head absently, sipping some water. “Though your drinks are certainly popular.”

“Gotta greet the new day in style, cutie.” His head plops down into his hand, elbow on the bar, as he watches you. Beautiful eyes narrowing. Reading every little detail, every change.

Being stared at by Rafayel is a sensation that makes your back straighten.

When he puts his focus on something, he’s picking it apart, seeing every part of it, so he can paint it. In the way his eyes see the world. As art, as a wonder, as something worth protecting.

Your fingers reach out, shaking slightly, without even being aware of it, and brush the hair, that’s fallen right in front of his eyes, back. His skin paints red further, spreading down his neck, and his eyes sparkle. You wish you could paint, you wish more than anything that this beautiful man was kept in a portrait to stare at every moment of the day.

It’s hard to not believe in gods, when someone as beautiful as him sits there, staring at you. Like you make the waves crash against the shores.

He turns his head to kiss the tips of your fingers, before placing the pulse point of your wrist against his cheek again. “It’s a good day to celebrate.” He breathes out.

The laugh to your side pulls you out of your stupor, as Greyson nods in agreement. You pull back a little, though Rafayel doesn’t release your hand, keeping it in his lap as the two of you turn to your companion.

“Is Zayne doing ok?” You ask Rafayel.

“He debated drinking, then remembered how many people would be here, and changed his mind.”

“He’s a stickler for being a good example.” Greyson adds, stirring his drink.

You wonder if it’s really that, and the big snowman is not just stewing and fearing his control. Tightly wound and kept under lock and key, just in case. Always watchful.

At the very least, as you look over at him reading instructions on a firework box, you think he is having fun at least. You can’t say the same for Jeremiah, who is hovering by the photobooth, looking through the album next to it.

Raffy kisses your hand again, smiling at you, “Go be your nosy self, cutie. We’ll be here when you get back.”

“Or we’ll be playing spin the bottle much to Dr Li’s disappointment.”

You almost bark a laugh at Greyson, the mental image of Zayne playing spin the bottle or truth or dare, is such an image, you want to see it. Desperately. Pressing a kiss to the top of Raffy’s head as you stand, you wave at them both and head off.

“Sooo.” You poke your head over Jeremiah’s shoulder, who jumps. Looking at you like you’re a ghost. “Are you alright? Looking for any particular prop?”

It takes a moment before you think his brain starts working again, and he smiles… but its not a smile you’re used to seeing on Jeremiah’s face. You’ve seen it on Xavier’s face though. Sorrow lurking at the edges. Tired.

Maybe the passing of years for them both has a weight you’ll never understand.

“I’m alright, just�� a lot of people. I haven’t been around this many in a long time.” He forces a laugh, “Silly right?”

You shake your head. You might have different reasons for struggling with crowds, but you refuse to let any of the people you’ve brought into your heart, think you are not a safe space for their concerns. “Not the first time I’ve heard that today. You’re fine.”

He’s got the album open on a photo of you, him and Xavier outside of Philos. Holding flowers in your arms.

It’s… a realisation that you’ve never seen Jeremiah with another person than Xavier. Like he’s become an island, with only Philos as his port.

So you change the page on the album, to some of Yvonne and Greyson. During the preparation for Zayne’s birthday. “We’ve taken so many photos this year.” It settles in your chest again, that thanks to your loved ones… you now have full albums, and many more to fill. “You should talk to Greyson, he likes sunflowers a lot.”

Jeremiah laughs, looking at you like you’re too obvious, “He’s a little drunk for that now.”

“When he sobers up then.” You huff, pushing the album into his arms, straightening the page out.

“I… I’ll try. It’s odd, seeing Xavier like this.”

“You can do it too, you know?”

There’s doubt in the mans eyes, you don’t want to look too close. It gives you a feeling like a fire that’s burned too long.

“Or you can just take some really stupid photos with me, wearing the worst hats we can find, and see how many we can take in under a minute.” It’s hard to look too close at someone’s emotions, you feel. Looking into someones eyes is painful, there are times you can manage it, and times you can’t.

You find some people’s gaze holds yours against your will, not violently, but powerfully. Rafayel and Sylus have eyes that pulling away from feels like tearing part of yourself out. Xavier and Zayne feel like staring into a tranquil pond, losing yourself.

Jeremiah’s right now are wavering on the edge of something, and you can’t keep looking at them, turning your head a little to look at the props on the table. You reach out, carefully picking up a pair of bunny ears, and place them carefully on his head.

“If you don’t want to stay, you don’t have to… but if you’re scared and still want to try, then stay, and build bridges.”

You think about the men you’ve made your home, and the fear of overcoming the need to flee from them.

The house in ashes and cinders. The number that never texts you back anymore.

“As grumpy as Xavier asks, he’s there if you need him. Me too.”

Jeremiah reaches up to touch the bunny ears on his head, and smiles weakly, “I do need to get a drink.”

You nudge him, hand gently pushing the man forwards towards where Raffy is now spinning a mixer around his finger, to the thrilled cheers of Greyson and Tara, “Go on then, make it a good one.”

As he walks away, he waves at you a little, but is soon pulled to sitting down by a drunk doctor, and a happy hunter.

Your final stop is the fireworks, as Thomas and Zayne set them up somewhere safe. You’re glad its Zayne setting them up, as you worry Raffy would get excited and set them off too early.

If there’s a flame to put out, better the snowman, than the fish.

As you approach, Zayne looks up, and his forest eyes soften at the vision of you. Smile quirking cool lips. “Darling, have you enjoyed yourself?”

He’s warm, and familiar, and safe. Like a hearth. The irony of the cold skin, versus how heated he makes you feel, is something. As you take his extended hand, thumb brushing over your skin, you settle against his side while Thomas finishes up.

“It’s nice, seeing everyone.” You offer, “Seeing everyone moving forwards for the new year.” You trace the skin under his eyes with your fingertip, down to his mouth. He gasps a little, a puff of breath against the cool metal, before taking your wandering fingers in his own.

“Seeing some of you relaxed, is also quite pleasant.” You tease, bumping him with your hip. His laugh is a soft noise, that settles in your chest. Cool around your frantic heart.

“Our little family has behaved themselves, I haven’t had to put out any fires. It’s allowed for the relaxation.”

“You mother hen.”

Thomas stands up, brushing his hands on his trousers and grinning over at you, “Hey Mx Bodyguard. We’re all done here finally. Has Rafayel gotten everyone drunk yet?”

“He’s trying, I think his plan is going well, while we’re all unconscious he’ll achieve world domination.”

Zayne tenses, releasing your metal hand to rub at the space between his eyes, “The feeling of dread has returned.”

“I’m sure he’ll find some place for us in his new kingdom.”

“You’d make a good jester, Zayne.”

“It’s getting worse.” Your doctor frowns, tugging at your hand to glare unserious eyes at you as you fight the urge to laugh, the quirk to your lips too obvious to him.

Thomas extends the box of sparklers to you, “We can use these later, after watching the show.”

Zayne looks down at what they’ve worked on as the three of you move away, back to the party. He’s often hard to read, but you can see the nerves in him, the worry he hasn’t done it right. So you squeeze his cold hand in your warmer one, and lean against his shoulder, “It’ll be great. Even if the fireworks sputter, we’ll have memories.”

His worries soothe, and he smiles, “Have to take some photos for that album of yours.”

“‘Newdawn Day, we watched some very sad fireworks, then played games for hours’.” You poke him in the side using your joined hands.

“You’ll have to sleep at some point.”

Thomas laughs, “You’re just as bad as Rafayel then?”

“I am not.”

“When did you last get a full 7 hours, darling?” Zayne raises his brow, you want to grumble and argue, but he knows you too well. You rarely sleep well. You rarely get a good amount of sleep.

The nightmares are getting a little better, a little, but there’s never enough time to get rest in-between all the other things you need to do.

“No wonder whenever I check on you two in the studio, you look like two feral cats.”

“Hey, don’t let Raffy hear you call him a cat, he’ll sulk again.”

Zayne’s hand in yours, entwines your fingers, squeezing, loosening, squeezing again. Over and over again. Like he’s using your hand as a stim toy. Or perhaps he’s offering you a grounding physical sensation.

Either way, you squeeze back.

It’s dark now, and there are lanterns set around the area. It’s a vision. Everyone has gathered back in the centre, drinks in hands, sitting in the grass, staring up at the sky.

You can hear laughter, chatter and the occasional too loud voice calling out excitedly.

Jeremiah sits with Greyson, drinking, and chatting, while Yvonne, Tara and Simone have begun clinking glasses together before each sip. Nero is lay down next to the three pointing out stars to them, while Xavier adds additional trivia about the constellations. Thomas walks ahead to sit near where the twins are throwing food into each others mouths, and occasionally at the back of Sylus’ head. Who is holding back the urge to pick them up with his EVOL.

Raffy’s cheeks are bright red, but resting his head in Sylus’ lap, trying not to spill his drink down himself. Xavier is lay next to him, an eye-mask pushed to the top of his head, but now that his work is done, he looks close to drifting off.

Zayne hands you the little remote, that controls the final event of the evening, “When you’re ready.”

You tug his hand, pulling him with you into the little gathering of your partners and friends. Shoving yourself against the heat of Sylus’ side, who chuckles and wraps an arm around your shoulder, to flick a bit of Zayne’s hair out of his eyes. Before pulling you closer.

Then tug the doctor down next to you. You think you’re smiling. You’re pretty sure you are.

It’s more familiar on your face than it ever used to be, and it’s something you hope becomes as familiar as the heart stuttering in your chest.

“Ready?” You call out, to a cheer of assent, and with a single press of the button, and love surrounding you. The sky is lit up with blossoming flowers.

“Happy Newdawn day!”

There’s a moment of quiet, when you step away from the party, a sparkler in your hand. You spell out names as you walk further out, not too far that you can’t hear everyone, but far enough that no one needs to see the tears lurking in your eyes.

Newdawn reminds you of everything you’ve gained, and everything you’ve lost…

Pulling your phone out, you open his messages. Unread messages fill the screen. Reminding you he’s not there…

Still, you can’t help but send him another one. Maybe, somewhere he’ll hear you.

Maybe wherever he is, he’s happy.

When your sparkler is dead, and your messages sent, you take in a deep inhale. Clearing the shadows from your heart, and turn back to where twinkling lights summon you home. Eyes are turned to you, green, red, blue and pink, and you feel their gazes pulling you back. Where you belong, where you’re safe, no matter what else comes after you.

So you follow their call, like they’re a siren song, willingly and joyfully. Ready to follow them to the depths of the ocean if you have to.

And as you do, for a small moment, you feel the phone in your pocket vibrate.

🍎 partner in crime 🍎: Hey Pipsqueak. Happy Newdawn day.

[genderqueerdykes]

I was reading through your replies to the lesbian who was explaining why they hated cis men, and I found you replies really insightful and well put. I've often had trouble articulating *why* man hating queer people is so frustrating and upsetting to me. I'd also love to add another point from my percpective to the conversation:

I've almost exclusively been sexually assaulted by women. The only time a man has ever done something that could be considered sexual assault to me was a situation I wouldn't consider sexual assault (more just, he did things in sex that I wasn't into and didn't like, felt more of a case of 'having bad, poorly communicated sex/kink' than anything else). I've also been told by people that I was quote unquote "lucky" for being sexually assaulted/harassed by a girl in my dorm room when I was fifteen (maybe sixteen? bad at time) because it wasn't a man. The worst transphobia, abuse and harassment I've been through has been from women. My ex was femme enby who was kinda man hating and they fucked me up badly. I still love women, as a queer sapphic who adores the people in my life rn women are still wonderful, but they aren't safer than men. In several ways I actually feel safer stuck alone in a room or at a bus stop at night with a man than a women. The fact people make spaces that are supposed to be queer but deeply hostile to men is so infurating bc they act like everyone has a right to 'be cautious of men because of bad experiences' and make spaces less open to queer men but no one would ever say that about my bad experiences with women. (and no I'm not usually in women's only spaces, the reason I've never been SAed by a man is not bc I'm not around men, I'm around men plenty)

Feel free to not answer ask if its too much, have a lovely day and thank you for talking about intersex issues, about the way gender essentialism and fear of men hurts people. I appreciate your blog greatly.

i really appreciate you sending this, thank you. i really cannot stop myself from talking about how man hating is fucking everything up because this experience is so important and it's being completely erased

i'm sorry you've gone through all of that. that's a lot to deal with, and it's an experience that doesn't deserve to be erased. pushing the thought that women are inherently safe to be around puts women who are assholes into a situation they're allowed to be mean as fuck to everyone else because "oh i'm traumatized from patriarchy". we all are. you're not special.

i have also been abused by women as well. my mom, sister, other family members, friends and exes have all abused me. i talk about it a lot, but one of the worst times in my life is when i lived in a queer punk house. i really thought it would be accepting, i thought i had found my people. there were a lot of trans girls who lived and stayed there and i got to know a lot of them because they found me cute.

whenever they would find out i'm also a trans man as well as genderqueer, these girls would clamor over each other to misgender me. i was ridiculed for not having a penis, being told that that's what makes a man a man. these girls would also brag about how they hated twinks, gay and bisexual men. they were proud to hate men, even the queer ones around them. there were so many pieces of trans art and things like estrogen bottles everywhere, but nothing transmasculine at all. even though transmascs showed up there often

it sucks that other queer people can sometimes be one of the most transphobic people you know. people have to start caring about how this affects people. women are not inherently safe to be around. men aren't inherently going to hurt you. we have to grow up past this mindset

[sailornymph]

is there any way you could please do the founders with a wife from the other clan? (Madara with a Senju wife, Hashirama and Tobirama with an uchiha wife) Is like it to be smutty but if not I completely get it

‘CLOSER’

hashirama and tobirama with a uchiha wife & madara with a senju wife

cw : nsfw, exhibitionism, edging, etc

♡︎ hashirama senju 

— you’re very involved with the uchiha children when you catch his attention, you spend your time helping them learn how to properly use their sharingan and jutsu

— many have questions for him about the new village and his position as hokage, but you caught his attention, amongst all the men, being worried about the well-being of the uchiha children

— despite the dirty looks the men give you, you ignore them, waiting for hashirama to answer

— he can’t deny his gravitation to you, your intelligence, your love and hope for a better future for the children, you were like him

— you end up working very closely with him to make sure the uchiha aren’t excluded, he promised repeatedly he wouldn’t allow it to happen, but you didn’t trust his words

— before izuna’s death, a relationship bloomed between the two of you. it becomes important to you to integrate the uchiha clan with the others, to become one village

— however, with izuna dead and tobirama to be the blame, madara advises that you stay away from the clan, if you are choosing to love a senju

— shortly after, konoha is established and you have an extravagant wedding, only a few uchiha showing up secretly

— although you become an outcast to your clan, when madara disappears, they embrace you again, due to your constant activism for the people

— hashirama is the most doting husband and is completely in love with everything about you, your beauty, brains, body, and personality, you were a complete catch

— so in love that you will have more than four children because he can’t get off of you and he has a lot of love to give

— he will not only leave a legacy of being the god of shinobi, but many will remember him for his beautiful marriage and how he and his wife were constantly advocating for a change

“hashi, are you not exhausted?” you moaned, as he traced his hand down your back arch.

“how could i be? you promised we would have all night, the boys will be back in the morning and we agreed to try for a girl,” he said, leaning down, kissing along your spine. he had an unnatural libido, he could keep going all night and still wake up, energized.

“are you really sure you want another kid, i mean four boys aren't enough?”

“i want an army of children, if i’m having them with you”

“after all those rounds, you don't think it worked,” you asked, as he moaned lowly in your ear.

“do you want to stop? we can stop, if you're tired,” his smile dropped.

“just one more, i can only take one more,” you said, as he nodded, kissing your neck.

“one more,” he repeated, pushing his cock deeper into your pussy.

moaning loudly, you pressed your face into your shared futon. lifting your hips, he slightly pushed down on your back, deepening your arch. moving your dark hair, he groaned, at the clear view of your body.

“look at me, fuck, you're so beautiful,” he moaned, as you looked back, slowly fucking him back.

“it feels so good, hashi, feeling me up with your seed,” you panted, gripping the fluffy blanket, as he held your hips, bringing you back onto his cock over and over.

“yeah, you want this last load, take it sunshine, it's yours,” he groaned, throwing his head back, a lazy smile on his face. you were taking his cock like a good girl, the determination mixed with lust in those dark eyes, biting your soft bottom lip, as you repeatedly brought your hips back onto him. he wanted to make this round last, but you were fucking him too good, he didn't know how much more he could take.

clenching around his cock, you bit the pillow, muffling your moans, as he kept thrusting, before he grunted, cumming inside.

“how was that?” you asked, tiredly smiling.

“perfect, absolutely perfect, come closer, let me hold you before our children steal you away in the morning,” he grinned, pulling you into his arms, and kissing your lips.

♡︎ madara uchiha

— along with hashirama, you are one of the only senju clan members who isn’t treating the uchiha people like monsters

— as your older cousin, hashirama shares his plans to make a village and allow everyone to integrate, you take it upon yourself to begin to teach others your jutsu, it didn’t matter where they were from

— which is how you met, defending one of your uchiha students from a man, madara happened to be passing by, and while he intended to intervene. he didn’t expect to see you kick the man to the point where he would fly

— he finds himself sitting afar, watching as you trained the group of inexperienced people. people walked past speaking to him, but his eyes were focused on you

— too many people are becoming distracted, some scared, some amazed, seeing madara uchiha sitting in the grass, you stump over, asking him what he is doing and he’ll say something annoyingly sweet like, watching you, you’re a beautifully strong woman

— this becomes a part of his routine, squeezing in activities like getting lunch together, or walking you home before he boldly asks you to be his girlfriend. he is a man who knows what he wants, so it won’t be long before an engagement.

— during the planning of your wedding, you manage to convince both clans to get along for the wedding, since you have are very kind to both clans and likable to nearly everyone, you end up having a large wedding

— however, after the death of izuna, you become isolated. hashirama wants you to continue being the face of integration, tobirama hates you for ruining your bloodline, and madara is hot and cold, worried that you will betray him for the senju clan and you can't take the stress

— you only have one child, and madara only becomes more power hungry with time, before he is suddenly gone, said to be dead, leaving you to raise your son alone

— you are reanimated alongside hashirama and tobirama and when madara is defeated, he apologizes for how he treated you in your final year together and reassures you that he has always loved you and constantly watched you and your shared son, from the shadows, up until then both of you passed away

“oh my god, madara,” you cried, as he pounded into your pussy.

“keep your leg up, angel,” he kissed your ankle, as it sat on his shoulder

“oh my-it’s so big,” you arched your back on the soft grass. you were supposed to only have a picnic, but you didn’t expect him to look so handsome today.

“do you like this cock, don’t you?”

“yes, you’re fucking me so good,” you whined

“you want me to cum in this pretty pussy, use your words?” he asked, increasing his speeding of thrusts.

“yesyes- wait, madara, i think i need to pe-

“no you don’t,” he interrupted, grabbing your hands, stopping you from pushing him away, while he continued his thrusting.

with your legs shaking, you moaned louder, your legs spreading as you squirted all over his cock. before you could apologize, he was hungrily slipping back into your eager hole.

“you’re such a slutty girl, i love you,” madara said, his hands tracing down your body, you were perfect.

“i’m cumming,” you whined, as he kept a steady pace, until he finally let out a grunt, filling you up with his cum.

“i didn’t expect you to be so wild this time, you must have really missed me,” you teased.

“come closer, you’re too far away, tell me why hashirama needed my wife for nearly three days,” he said, nearly sitting you in his lap.

“it was so stupid, madara, it started with him using wood release in his house, he’s such an idiot-

you began to explain to madara, he had a small grin on his face, his hands caressing your back. you could see in his eyes alone just how in love he was.

♡︎ tobirama senju

— you met when he was being rude to a uchiha, leading to you screaming at him

— he stared with wide eyes, confused by who dared to talk to him in such a disrespectful way and he was surprised to see a beautiful woman

— from this moment forward, he noticed you much more than ever, you were a decent shinobi, but an excellent voice for the clan, oftentimes speaking against the injustices they'd felt

— he eventually asks you for to be brought to his office, he thinks you're beautiful, but he will not allow another madara to arise from the clan

— you are more intelligent than he gave you credit for, degrading him with grace, he couldn't deny your words cut like a knife. although, once you start to share your ideas, he stops listening, observing you, you're rather pretty to be fully uchiha, the dark hair and nice eyes, and your figure

— he straightforwardly asks you to join him for dinner, under the pretense of you sharing more of your beliefs and ideas

— this becomes regular and soon enough you find yourself accepting his advances because you can't deny the second hokage is a bit charming and handsome

— drama will occur during the wedding when you want to incorporate your clan, but he doesn't. he ends up having to swallow his pride when you threaten to end your engagement if he doesn't welcome the uchiha with open arms

— he doesn't see you as a uchiha, you're a senju now after all, but he kind of blocks out where you come from and looks at you as an individual

— despite his dislike for the clan, he is a very attentive husband and amazing father, having two children with you

— while you don't give up on your clan, or the entirety of your marriage, tobirama doesn't lessen his dislike for the clan, he just doesn't see his family as a part of those people

“y/n, stop with the games,” he grumbled. sitting in his chair, his legs spread as you stroked his cock. every time he was close to finally releasing, you stopped.

“games? i’m being unfair, like you, how you're being strict on those uchiha boys, how are you such a hypocrite? you hate them, but you have no problem fucking one, so cruel,” you spat, spitting on your hand, before continuing to pump. feeling his cock twitch, you slowed down, stopping.

“oh? you need to cum? that's too bad, isn't it?”

“please, y/n, baby, let me c-

“if only you could release those boys to their families, can't you do it for me? i would reward you so much, you could fuck me as much as you wanted, i might even think about another child, like you've been asking,” you said, slowly massaging his shaft.

“okay, okay, anything, just please, suck it, anything,” he begged, this was nice for a change to see him being so vocal, sweat beads dripping down his neck as he groaned and whimpered.

“you're getting closer, i feel how stiff your poor cock is, but if you promise to keep your word, then i will make it go away”

“i promise,” he nodded, groaning as you stroked his base, your tongue going to twirl around his pink tip. his semen squirted all over your tongue, as you swallowed it all.

once the high came down, he helped you into his lap, his large hand caressing your ass, holding you close.

“will you please keep your promise?” you asked, making him roll his eyes.

“only for you, i don't get why you insist on helping them, you are no longer a uchiha-

“mom, we were only playing and tashi fell and now her eyes are red,” your son, suzuki knocked on the door worriedly.

“i’m coming,” you answered, getting dressed.

“i may be a senju by marriage, but your children are half uchiha, it is time you act like it,” you continued, rushing out of the room.

[oldsoul007]

patience

javier peña x reader

summary: javier, your coworker is always trying to take you out but you know his reputation

disclaimer: blood, kissing, reader is referred to as baby by javier

Javier Peña had a reputation—a reputation that preceded him wherever he went. He was the charming, confident DEA agent who could sweet-talk anyone and make them believe he was their best friend, their confidant, or even their lover. In a world dominated by drug cartels, violence, and danger, Javier’s heart was the one thing he never gave away freely. He was a playboy, but there was something about you that made him want to break his own rules.

Y/n was the exact opposite of the women Javier usually went after. She wasn’t impressed by his flirtations or the dangerous life he led. A brilliant agent in her own right, y/n worked alongside Javier in the fight against the Colombian cartels. She was tough, focused, and knew exactly how to handle herself in a crisis.

But Javier wasn’t going to let a little thing like that stop him. Day after day, he tried his best to get under her skin, to make her smile, to win her over.

“Y/n,” he said one afternoon, leaning against the desk where I was sifting through paperwork. “You and I, we should get dinner tonight. There’s a place downtown. I hear the wine’s smooth.”

I didn’t look up from my papers. “I don’t have time for dinner, Peña. We have a case to solve.”

Javier smirked, knowing he’d heard this answer before. “You’re breaking my fucking heart, baby. I thought we were friends.”

My eyes finally met his, but there was no softness in them. “We are friends, Javier. But I’m not going to let you distract me from what’s important. And what did I tell you about calling me that.”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “Distract you? I’m just offering a little fun. You work too hard, y/n.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” I replied, the faintest of smiles tugging at my lips.

Javier leaned in closer, his voice dropping. “You deserve more than just work, y/n. You deserve someone who can show you the good things in life. Don’t tell me you’re not curious about what we could have.”

I stood up then, taking a deep breath. “I’m curious, Javier. But I’m not interested. Not like that.”

He watched me walk away, his heart skipping a beat. He wasn’t used to hearing “no.” But he’d never been one to give up either.

Javier was doing his usual thing—teasing, pushing me with his flirtatious remarks, “Come on, baby, stop pretending you’re not into the idea of going out with me. I know you want to.”

I rolled my eyes, but there was that playful spark in my gaze. “Yeah, right. As if you’re actually someone I’d be interested in.” I crossed my arms, keeping him at a distance, but it was clear I was enjoying the banter.

He chuckled, leaning in just a little closer. “Come on, stop playing hard to get. Everyone knows you like the chase.”

I raised an eyebrow, a sly smile curling on my lips. But then, without warning, I stepped forward, closing the space between us so quickly that he barely had time to react. For a second, it felt like I was going to kiss him. My breath was warm against his skin, my eyes locked on his, the tension thick in the air.

Javier’s heart skipped a beat, his pulse racing. Was this it? Was she finally giving in?

Instead, my lips barely brushed the air near his, my voice soft but teasing, “You really think you’ve got me all figured out, don’t you?” I leaned in even closer, just enough to make him feel like he was on the edge of something, but then pulled back, my smirk widening as I watched him swallow hard.

“I’ll keep you guessing, Javi,” I said, my tone light but with a challenge in my eyes. “If you want me, you’re going to have to do better than that.”

And with that, I turned and walked away, leaving him standing there, frozen, trying to shake the feeling that maybe—just maybe—I was actually playing him.

Over the next few weeks, our banter became almost routine. Javier would flirt, I would dismiss him, and the cycle would continue. But there was something more between us—something unspoken.

Late one evening, we found ourselves working late at the office, going through surveillance footage from a drug bust. The dim lights and the quiet hum of the air conditioning created an intimate atmosphere. As the hours passed, we grew more comfortable with each other, the usual tension between them fading into something else—something softer, more honest.

“Do you ever get tired of this?” I asked suddenly, my eyes still glued to the screen. “The constant chase. The risk. The lives we’ve lost.”

Javier paused, his gaze drifting to me. He had been asked similar questions before, but something in the way I phrased it made him think harder. “Every day,” he admitted. “But we do what we have to do. The world doesn’t stop for anyone.”

I nodded slowly, my fingers tapping nervously on the desk. “I get it. But sometimes, I wish I could just walk away from it all. Find something… simpler.”

Javier took a step closer, sensing the vulnerability in my words. “And what would that be, y/n? A life without all this chaos?”

I hesitated, my eyes meeting his. For the briefest moment, the air between us felt charged, the chemistry undeniable. I wanted to say something—anything—that might acknowledge the tension, but I held back. I always held back.

But then, Javier’s voice softened. “I think I could show you something better than this life, if you let me.”

For the first time, I didn’t respond with my usual coldness. I met his gaze, my heart beating just a little faster than normal. “Javier, don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

He smiled, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “Baby, I never break my promises.”

Days turned into weeks, and the tension between them only grew. Javier still pursued me relentlessly, but it wasn’t just about winning anymore. Somewhere along the way, he had begun to care for her, to want her in a way he hadn’t expected. He couldn’t explain it, but there was something about y/n that made him want to be better.

And then, one night, everything changed.

We were in the middle of a raid, tracking a cartel boss. The operation had gone south, and gunfire erupted from all directions. In the chaos, Javier and me found ourselves separated from the rest of us team. Javier pushed me behind cover, taking the brunt of the bullets as he shielded me.

“Stay down, y/n!” he shouted, his voice barely audible over the roar of gunfire. “I’ll cover you!”

But as he turned to return fire, a sharp pain exploded in his side. He staggered but didn’t fall, his hand gripping his bulletproof vest where the impact had struck.

My heart skipped a beat. “Javier!” I screamed, rushing to his side. I saw the blood trickling down the side of his shirt, but I didn’t care about the details. I only cared about the man in front of me.

“I’m fine, fuck that hurts.” he said with a weak grin, his hand on my arm as he steadied himself. “It’s just the vest. I’m good.”

But I wasn’t convinced. The sight of him hurt, the fear of losing him—she couldn’t breathe.

“You idiot,” I whispered, my voice breaking. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.”

Javier reached up, cupping my face with his bloodied hand. “You’re breaking my heart, baby,” he said with a faint chuckle. “But it’s worth it. Every damn minute of it.”

I didn’t say anything. Instead, I kissed him—softly, quickly, as if I were afraid the moment would slip away. But it wasn’t the kiss of a colleague or even a friend. It was the kiss of someone who had been holding back for too long, someone who had finally realized that we couldn’t keep saying no.

When we broke apart, Javier looked at me with surprise and something more—something that made his heart race. “You just kissed me,” he whispered.

My face flushed, but I smiled. “Maybe I did.”

“About time,” he said, pulling me into a hug. “Took you long enough.”

I chuckled, my voice thick with emotion. “I was just waiting for the right moment.”

Javier grinned, his eyes lighting up. “Well, baby, I’m not going anywhere. The right moment is now.”

In the weeks that followed, our relationship blossomed. We worked together, fought together, and when the dust settled, we found comfort in each other’s arms. No longer was it about the chase or the game. It was real, and it was ours.

Javier had always been the playboy, the heartbreaker, the one who never stayed for long. But for me, he was everything I had been waiting for. And when he said, “You’re breaking my heart, baby,” I realized, maybe, just maybe, I was breaking his too.

But this time, neither of us was going anywhere.

[thomaslittlegirl]

help. — thomas shelby

you have your first period and you need some help, so you look for your uncle.

warnings; suggestive. incest but not really. age-gap. reader is legal age!!

𐙚

small heath is covered in a dark fog and you rush to get inside as soon as possible. you know that your family doesn't like you walking around the city alone without any peaky man to protect you, or to make sure that no one wants to be smart with you.

the guys at the door quickly recognize you and let you pass. you're looking for a specific person: thomas.

a problem has arisen and you don't quite know how to address it. the only person you trust enough to ask for help is your uncle, the leader of the peaky blinders.

you take a few breaths and prepare yourself for what's coming, gently knocking your knuckles on the wooden door. "uncle?" you call, quietly but loud enough for him to hear you.

"come in, sweetheart."

when you walk into your uncle's office you almost wrinkle your nose when you see so much smoke. it seems as if the man had smoked all the cigarettes in the city in his space.

“what’s wrong, y/n?”

you take a breath and look at him, nervous. "i need your help... i need you to look at something for me."

shelby frowns and motions with his hand for you to come closer to him. the man leaves his cigarette in the ashtray and looks at you. you feel a little embarrassed walking near him. you feel sorry for what you're about to do, but you don't trust anyone enough to seek help elsewhere.

you carefully lift your dress to the height of your thighs, showing it to your uncle.

"what the hell happened to you?" he asks, now leaning close to your body. drops of blood drip down your crotch and dirty your legs.

"i don't know." you answer honestly, and a bit of fear in your voice. "am i sick, uncle?"

thomas looks into your eyes and then at the blood that trickles from you. "someone did something to you that you didn't want?" he asks, his jaw tense.

it seemed like his eyes shot up with anger in a second at the mere idea that someone had hurt you.

you shake your head.

"did you fuck anyone?" he asks again. the naturalness in which his questioning comes out makes you feel even more embarrassed. thomas talks to you as an equal, as if you were one of his brothers.

"no!" you respond quickly, shaking your head several times. "no, never."

your uncle directs one of his hands to your thigh, squeezing it briefly. he seems thoughtful. his silence makes you think the worst. "should we go see a doctor?" you ask, scared.

thomas smiles sideways, shaking his head. his large hand on one of your legs trying to give you comfort. "no, angel. "

"so...?"

"it looks like your first period has arrived.” he informs you, looking into your eyes. "congratulations, sweetheart. you are officially a real woman."

you look at him, swallowing. you feel ashamed for having overreacted in this way, for showing yourself so vulnerable in front of the head of the family for something so stupid.

“oh…” you just say.

thomas hides a chuckle trying not to embarrass you. he finds it cute the way you sought his help... he finds it sweet that he is the first person to whom you tell something as important as this is for a woman.

"what am i supposed to do now?" you question. your uncle stands from the comfortable leather chair and gives you a squeeze on the shoulder.

"wait here."

shelby gets lost in the hallways of his office and you just stand there, feeling the blood fall and watching how it stains the neat floor of his office.

thomas returns a few minutes later, with a tray in his hands. "lean on my desk." he says and you comply. "pull your dress up."

you do what the man asks of you.

"like this?" you ask, stealing a nod from him.

"good girl." he says, sitting back down in his big leather chair. "now open your legs a little for me, angel."

you feel the color rush to your face, probably leaving you red. you open your legs slightly as thomas asks, and you feel a warm, wet cloth slide down your thighs.

the sensation makes your skin crawl and you seek stability holding onto the man's shoulders. your uncle cleans the blood that dripped down your legs with a delicacy that surprises you... a man as hard as thomas shelby was, treating his niece in such a sweet and warm way.

thomas takes another cloth again and moistens it with the jug of warm water again, continuing his job of cleaning you completely; from your ankles to the inside of your thigh.

"lean back a little on the desk and open up more for your uncle, angel."

his words make you feel a little strange but you comply with his request, sitting on his desk and spreading your legs wide for him.

"i'm going to clean your private parts, princess." he informs, and soon you feel his strong hand running the cloth over your pussy.

you feel ashamed, vulnerable. small as if you were a tiny ant in front of a big lion.

thomas finishes cleaning you, but you still feel wet... your insides feel wet and hot, but you decide not to tell him anything.

the cloths stained with your blood are quickly discarded into a bucket on the side of his desk, getting rid of the evidence as he arranges your underwear in their place.

"done, little princess. your uncle left you all clean."

you nod your head, giving him a small smile. "thank you, uncle tommy."

thomas lowers your dress and covers your legs again. his big bads head towards your legs, caressing them gently.

"i'll tell polly to talk to you and explain how you should handle this situation on your own."

you nod. "it's okay... thank you for your help."

thomas smiles at you, now giving you a squeeze on the waist. his hands go down to your hips and stay there, holding you for him. "is there anything else that hurts you...?" he asks, sweetly. "your stomach, perhaps?"

you shake your head. it's not your stomach that hurts.

"just... my breasts... a little."

thomas licks his lips and you feel his grip on your hip get a little tighter.

"let uncle tommy take care of it, princess."

[anna-bonnie]

Sonic 4 movie. Theories and predictions

Hello everyone! I finally watched Sonic 3, and I can confidently say it was one of the best experiences I’ve ever had in a movie theater! It had been such a long time since I felt so much emotion and joy watching a film. The last time I experienced these feelings was with Michael Bay’s Transformers movies, especially the fourth and fifth installments. Just like back then, when I was super excited for the next movie, I now have the same anticipation for the fourth Sonic movie.

In the post-credits scene, we saw the first appearances of Metal Sonic and Amy, which already gives us a taste of the continuation of the Sonic live-action franchise. That’s why I’d like to share my theory about what might happen in the next movie and which game from the Sonic saga it might adapt.

AND... Just as Sonic 1 was an adaptation of the first classic game, Sonic 2 represented the second game, and Sonic 3 was based on Sonic Adventure 2, I believe the fourth movie will also follow this adaptation formula.

My idea is that the fourth movie will be inspired by two games: Sonic CD, where Metal Sonic makes his first appearance, and Sonic Heroes, where Metal Sonic becomes the main antagonist. In Heroes, he evolves into Neo Metal Sonic and later into Metal Overlord, the final boss. I believe the concept of time travel, central to Sonic CD, could be key to the plot of the next movie.

Now, let’s dive into the possible plot of the fourth movie and how the story might unfold.

Probably, Metal Sonic came from the future and returned to the past with the goal of defeating Sonic, driven by frustration at never being able to defeat him definitively. In turn, future Amy, upon discovering Metal Sonic’s plan, decides to also travel to the past to protect him. This could explain the post-credits scene where we see Amy hooded.

This raises some important questions: How did Amy know where Sonic would be, and how did she know who he was? The most logical answer would be that, in the future, Sonic and Amy eventually meet, and she decides to go back in time to save him. Another key point of the potential plot would be the origin of Metal Sonic. After all, who created him, considering that Dr. Eggman died in the ARK explosion in the third movie? While Shadow survived because he’s practically immortal, Eggman is just a regular human, making it extremely unlikely that he escaped.

With that in mind, here are some possibilities regarding Metal Sonic’s creation:

Agent Stone as the Creator:

Stone, loyal to Dr. Eggman, could create Metal Sonic as a way to avenge his mentor’s death. This would continue Stone’s arc, showing how he seeks to keep Eggman’s legacy alive.

G.U.N. and Director Rockwell:

Another possibility is that Director Rockwell, who showed distrust toward Sonic and his team, decides to create Metal Sonic. After the events of the third movie, where the planet was nearly destroyed, she might use Metal Sonic as a weapon to eliminate Sonic, believing that he and his team are too uncontrolled.

Eggman as the Original Creator:

There’s also the possibility that Dr. Eggman created Metal Sonic a long time ago, perhaps after returning to Earth at the beginning of the second movie. However, due to the humiliation he suffered when defeated by Super Sonic, he might have abandoned the use of Metal Sonic and kept the project stored along with other copies. These copies could have been activated later, continuing the storyline.

Any of these options could fit well into the fourth movie’s plot, depending on how the writers choose to proceed with the narrative.

Even though the three movies so far have adapted elements from the game franchise—two from the classics and one from the modern games—they contain many original elements. For example, Sonic’s origin was adapted for the movie, and the story takes place on Earth, not on his home island or planet of origin. Additionally, the Master Emerald wasn’t found on Angel Island but on Earth, and Shadow didn’t live on the ARK in space but also on Earth. So, it’s likely that the fourth movie will also introduce original elements while incorporating important aspects inspired by Sonic CD and Sonic Heroes.

Now, here’s my idea of how the fourth movie’s plot could unfold:

Just like in the second and third movies, Amy could appear after the movie starts, similar to how Tails was introduced in the second movie and Shadow in the third. The movie would likely begin with an introduction to Sonic and his team.

After the boys (Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles) decide to organize another friendly race, Sonic gets too far ahead and ends up in New York City. This becomes even more confusing due to the time difference since he, Knuckles, and Tails live on the other side of the United States with Tom and Maddie. It’s at this point that Metal Sonic and Amy enter, as hinted at in the post-credits scenes.

After Sonic is attacked by Metal Sonic and saved by Amy, he’s full of questions. He wants to know who she is, how she knows his name, and how she knew where to find him. His questions are similar to those he asked Knuckles and Tails when he met them. Amy then explains that she came from the future to help him defeat Metal Sonic once and for all.

With no other choice, Sonic decides to take Amy home. There, he introduces her to the rest of the team, and they begin discussing what’s happening. Amy explains that she came from the future to warn him about Metal Sonic and save him. She details Metal Sonic’s origin, explaining that he’s after Sonic to defeat him once and for all since he couldn’t win in the future. That’s why she followed him to the past, both to warn Sonic and help him in his mission.

With this information, Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Amy decide to form a team to face Metal Sonic. However, upon realizing that their enemy is extremely powerful, Sonic concludes that the only way to defeat him is by using the Master Emerald again to transform into his Super form and destroy him once and for all.

However, there’s a problem: at the end of the last movie, Sonic 3, Sonic lost his Super form while preventing a global catastrophe. During that moment, Shadow was also in his Super form but stayed behind after the final explosion. This caused the Chaos Emeralds to scatter across Earth due to the impact. Now, Team Sonic must gather the Emeralds again to have any chance against Metal Sonic.

Meanwhile, G.U.N. also steps in. After the events of the third movie, the organization begins questioning how Sonic and Shadow were able to prevent such a large-scale catastrophe. They eventually discover the existence of the Chaos Emeralds and, upon understanding their immense power, decide to locate them to keep them "safe." After all, the Master Emerald is seen as an extremely dangerous weapon, capable of turning a person into something close to a god.

This is where Rouge enters the story. As a G.U.N. spy, she’s sent to locate the Chaos Emeralds before Team Sonic. This sets up a race between both sides: Team Sonic needs the Emeralds to save the world and defeat Metal Sonic, while G.U.N. wants to capture them to prevent them from falling into the wrong hands (even though, for Sonic, that includes themselves).

This intense competition between Sonic and his team against G.U.N. adds a layer of tension and urgency to the film, especially since both sides have legitimate motivations for wanting the Emeralds. However, G.U.N.’s belief that Team Sonic isn’t trustworthy might spark conflicts and tense moments between them.

During this race to recover the Chaos Emeralds, Metal Sonic comes into play. He ends up encountering both sides—Team Sonic and G.U.N.—leading to a major battle among everyone, adding more tension to the plot. At this point, Shadow, who still holds a grudge against G.U.N. for what they did to Maria, temporarily joins Team Sonic. His main motivation is to prevent G.U.N. from keeping the Chaos Emeralds, as he believes the organization doesn’t deserve that power.

Since Shadow has a direct connection to Chaos energy, similar to what we saw in Sonic Heroes, Metal Sonic manages to obtain one of Shadow’s quills. He uses the power contained in it to amplify his abilities and eventually evolves into Neo Metal Sonic. By combining Shadow’s power with the Chaos Emeralds, Metal Sonic reaches his final form: Metal Overlord, the final boss in Sonic Heroes.

However, before this happens, G.U.N. manages to capture the Chaos Emeralds, putting them temporarily ahead in the race. At this moment, Rouge, true to her nature as a jewel thief, betrays G.U.N. She steals the Emeralds, but her escape doesn’t go as planned. She soon realizes the situation becomes critical when Metal Sonic, now more powerful, begins transforming into his primitive forms, leaving a trail of destruction in his wake.

Seeing no other choice and recognizing that Team Sonic is the only hope to defeat Metal Sonic, Rouge hands over the Chaos Emeralds to them. With the Emeralds in hand, Team Sonic activates the Master Emerald’s power, allowing Sonic to once again transform into his Super form. With this power, Sonic faces Metal Overlord in an epic final battle.

Shadow’s role at this moment remains uncertain. He might join Sonic in his Super form, as he did at the end of Sonic Adventure 2 and Sonic Heroes, or he might choose not to intervene directly. Regardless, this battle serves as a major climax for the film, bringing both classic and original elements to the story.

Although the previous films have adapted elements from the games, they’ve also added their own unique ideas, and it��s likely the fourth film will follow the same trend. The movie universe, after all, is separate from the games’ universe, giving the writers creative freedom to develop new stories and explore different dynamics between the characters.

Regarding Shadow’s presence in the fourth film, I believe he’ll play a key role, as his connection to Chaos energy is crucial for Metal Sonic’s transformation into Metal Overlord. Shadow’s involvement would also be an opportunity to further explore his relationship with his past and G.U.N., as well as strengthen the dynamics within the movie universe.

Introducing Rouge, hired by G.U.N. to steal the Chaos Emeralds, would be an excellent way to bring the character into the cinematic universe. This initial role, where she infiltrates as a spy and later betrays G.U.N., demonstrates her cunning and independence while establishing her motivations. By the end of the movie, Rouge could team up with Shadow and Agent Stone to form the famous Team Dark, opening doors for future storylines.

As for Omega, his introduction would be a bit more complicated. However, one possibility could be Agent Stone reactivating one of Dr. Eggman’s old robots, as Omega was originally created by Eggman to serve as a guardian and companion. This idea would fit well with the theme of reclaiming Eggman’s legacy in the movie, but his presence would need to be carefully balanced to avoid overwhelming the story.

Introducing too many characters in the fourth movie could be a challenge. While it’s exciting to expand the cast, it’s essential to keep the story’s main focus: the showdown between Metal Sonic and Sonic. In the first three movies, new characters were introduced in a balanced way, always keeping Sonic at the center. This balance ensured that Sonic’s protagonism remained intact, even with the addition of significant figures like Tails, Knuckles, and Shadow.

Therefore, while Rouge and Shadow’s presence seems essential, adding more characters like Omega could be challenging without diverting attention from the main plot. It’s important that the movie continues to highlight Sonic as the main hero, ensuring that new additions complement the story rather than overwhelm it.

The dynamic between Sonic and Amy in the fourth movie could indeed follow a friendship and camaraderie approach, similar to what we saw in the Super Mario Bros. animated movie. Just as they portrayed Princess Peach as a strong and independent warrior alongside Mario, Amy could be presented as a powerful and strategically important ally, without forcing a romantic relationship between her and Sonic.

Although Amy is traditionally Sonic’s romantic partner in the games and series, SEGA has already clarified that their relationship isn’t canon. This decision reinforces the creative freedom to adapt the character in the cinematic universe while maintaining the individuality of both characters. Sonic, with his adventurous and carefree personality, would hardly fit into a romantic role in the movies, as it could shift focus from his journey as the protagonist.

In the movie, Amy could be presented as someone who shares the same goals as Sonic, fighting alongside him and his team against threats like Metal Sonic. The post-credits scene of the third movie already gave us a glimpse of her combat skills and confidence, highlighting her iconic hammer as her weapon. This suggests her presence in the fourth movie will be more as a warrior and strategic ally rather than a character dependent on Sonic or hopelessly in love with him.

This approach also creates a more modern and inclusive dynamic for the audience, showing that a female character can be equally strong and independent without being defined by a romantic relationship. A deep friendship and mutual respect between Sonic and Amy could strengthen the development of both characters while maintaining the adventurous and lighthearted tone that characterizes the franchise.

Finally, let’s talk about the possible post-credits scenes of the fourth movie, which always leave clues for the next chapter in the franchise. Since it’s been confirmed that the fourth movie won’t be the last—the idea is to create a quintology (five movies) and not a sextology—it’s very likely that the post-credits scenes of the fourth movie will introduce a new character or hint at the plot of the next movie.

One of the strongest speculations among fans is the possible appearance of Silver the Hedgehog in the post-credits scenes. This would make perfect sense since Silver is a central character in the Sonic the Hedgehog 2006 game, whose storyline revolves around time travel. Just as Amy and Metal Sonic are essential to the plot of the fourth movie, introducing Silver in the post-credits scenes would be the perfect bridge to address the plot of Sonic 2006 in the fifth movie.

Silver could appear from the future, on a mission to alter past events to save the chaotic future he came from. His arrival would bring new dynamics to the story and expand the Sonic cinematic universe, exploring themes like fighting to change destiny and the challenges of time travel.

However, I prefer not to delve into theories for the fifth movie just yet, as the fourth movie hasn’t even been released. I think it’s better to wait for the official release of the fourth movie to understand the clues they’ll leave behind and then develop more solid theories about what to expect in the fifth film.

And that’s it, everyone! This is my theory for the fourth Sonic movie. I know some ideas might seem a bit out of the box, but as we’ve seen in the first three movies, they don’t exactly follow the stories from the games. There are many original additions and changes to fit the Sonic universe into the cinematic narrative, and I believe the same will happen in the next film.

If you’ve read this far, thank you for reading my theory! Now I’d like to know your opinion: what do you think might happen in the fourth movie? Share your ideas, and let’s keep this conversation going! :)

[becomingthatgirl111]

The mindset of 2025

Happy New Year to all of you! I know I was inactive for a long time in 2024, but I'm going to start up again little by little. I have learned a lot of things during the year and when I feel inspired or ready to write about it I will.

I want to tell you that even if you didn't meet your goals one year it doesn't mean that they won't be met or that you are a disaster. Nowadays we are oversaturated with information and content from people who idealize their life to the maximum and although on one hand I think that is positive because it can help us to motivate us and learn new things on the other hand I feel that everyone's life is not the same and that each of us have different situations and sometimes we do not know how to handle them or we focus on the wrong thing and forget what we had planned or what we wanted to accomplish, but everything leaves us a lesson and something that I have learned this past year (the last few months especially) is to stop worrying and live life as you would like, no matter the circumstances, because the circumstances that you are going through right now, that which is preventing you from doing something you want to do will only keep you stuck in the same place.

Many times you don't have to do a thousand things or have a perfect routine but change the approach with which we see things, we worry about things that don't really deserve our attention and forget those that are important.

So for my part this year I want to develop a more stoic attitude towards certain situations and live for me, not for others. And I say this for many people who write me looking for advice, which I am grateful because you trust me but I always say it and I also apply it to myself because in the end we are people and there are things that bother us but do not give so much attention to those people or situations that you do not like, the solution will come, but trying to solve it or looking for a thousand answers you get nothing, better focus on what makes you happy or the goals you want to achieve.

What I want to say with all this is that for this new year it is no longer useful to continue suffering, to be bitter about people or things that we cannot change, when we change our attitude, when we stop giving so much attention to them, they will surely be resolved. and leave behind everything that you don't like and move forward, that's when you will see the real change.

Ideas for starting the year off right, manifesting and focusing

Write in your journal: ins and outs for 2025, the learnings you gained and look at them in a positive light, what you want to let go of, new habits you want to implement little by little, how last year made you feel and how you want to feel this year.

A meditation to kick-start the new year and visualise your goals or wishes.

Reorganise your space. Get rid of anything you have that no longer serves or pleases you, make changes in your room (or house) and make that space something nice that makes you feel comfortable to be in.

Start your plan. Set one main goal for this year and smaller goals that will lead you to achieve that goal in the end. A small habit you set today can lead to big results in the long run.

Nourish your mind with content that motivates you and helps you learn things to improve yourself. Not just personal growth but any area of your life that you think needs a boost. For example if you have problems with your relationships read or listen to podcasts on how to improve on that, positively influence others, learn about non-verbal language, that sort of thing.

And finally, don't wait for anything to change if you don't change yourself first. It's hard at first but change your mindset, act like an improved version of you. Think differently than you are doing now. Commit yourself to all your goals and if one of them is not achieved, it doesn't matter because you will have learned a lesson or you will have opened the door to something new and better, you never know. What has helped me the most to think differently have been the videos and podcasts about personal growth and other related topics. Because it opened up new ways of thinking that I didn't know about, and I was able to face things in a different way, but in the end you have to do the work yourself.

So I hope you have a good year and that everything goes well for you.

[georgiapeach30513]

Two Good Reasons, Part 11

Summary: Christmas time is here

Pairings: Andy Barber X Reader

Rating: mature

Warnings:  language, Scott, Audrey 🥺, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 8.4K

Previous

Series Masterlist

*Divides created by @firefly-graphics

Audrey groans softly as she opens her eyes. Leaning over her brother, she keeps her face close to his, until she feels his breath brush over her skin. The little girl lays a hand on his stomach, counting his breaths before she rolls to the other side. Panting with how long she had held her own breath. Another bad dream. A dream of her brother not breathing.

Her fingers reach toward her iPad Mini before she drops her back on the bed. She leans over to check the floor for monsters before reaching towards the iPad again. Deciding it’s best to keep her hands safe under the covers while she stares longingly at the tablet. Daring herself to either be brave enough to walk out of this bedroom to get her mommy or brave enough to just pick up the iPad.

—

Ransom’s hands cling to the bed as he hoists his hips back into the girl. She was good enough to fuck, but would never be good enough to have a decent conversation with. It beat spending another holiday alone. He drives his hips deeper into her before he looks towards the bedside table. His phone lighting up with the cutest little picture of the sweetest little girl. A smile spreads over his face, until he realizes the time.

Scrabbling off her, despite her protests he picks up the phone, and walks himself into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He answers the call quickly, trying to catch his breath, “Audi, baby, what are you doing awake?”

“I had a bad dream,” her voice sounds as wrecked as a five year old’s voice could. Deep circles pocket under her eyes with her lack of sleep since her party.

“The same one about Suede?” She nods her head, and Ransom could barely see it in the dark room. He sighs, “Have you told your parents?”

“Daddy won’t call me,” his head leans back as he looks up at the ceiling. Scrounging around for some pants to put on, and get this girl the hell out of his house. He’d buy a fucking airplane ticket to Michigan if he had to. He wasn’t supposed to like kids. But now he’s invested, and he wants to kick Scott Huffman’s ass. In court. Legally of course.

“What about your mom and Andy?” Audrey shrugs, looking down. Her eyes open up quickly, trying to avoid falling asleep.

“I don’t want to bother them,” so instead she calls Ransom in the middle of the night, and stays on call with him until she feels comfortable enough to fall back asleep, “Mommy got in a fight with aunt Morgan. She had to take her outside.”

“I’m sure your mom gave her a mouthful,” Audrey shrugs, looking behind her at her brother before flipping to her back. “You’re sharing a bed with your brother?”

“Uh huh. I sneak into his bedroom sometimes to make sure he’s breathing. But uncle Ryan’s bed isn’t like my princess bed. It’s lumpy and smells like a boy.”

“Sweetheart, we really need to tell your mom and Andy about your nighttime habits. I can’t help you like they can,” she sighs, and holds her hand over her brother’s mouth the same way she’s seen you do. Counting his breaths again before he offers a pitiful smile, “Is he breathing?”

“Yeah-huh. Do you think I’ll become a lawyer one day?” One thing about a five year old, they can change the subjects of conversation quickly.

“I think if that’s what you really want, yeah. You’ve got the best people in the world to help you,” but what every adult in her life wants her to do is to be a damn kid. But the one adult she wanted attention from, she wasn’t getting it. So now becoming a lawyer is the most important thing.

“Daddy won’t help me though,” she looks off to the side before back at the screen, “Did I do something wrong?” he starts taking a mental stock of every time that he wants to punch Scott on Audrey’s behalf. He’ll behave and start at one.

“No, Audi, you did nothing wrong. I think your daddy is still very scared about what happened.”

“What about me?” He barely can the tears start to well in her eyes, but the break in her voice is enough. “I’m scared, too.” That deserves at least one hundred punches.

“I know. And your daddy is a big man that should know better. We adults suck, you know?” She nods her head, trying to give him a smile. “Well, what else have you done since being there?”

“Me and mommy had a mani/pedi. My fingernails are pink,” her voice starts to get more animated, and she giggles. Holding a hand over her mouth, trying to quiet it. “And I got glitter on them. My dad — Andy said that they look just like a princess.”

“Youd,” the little toddler groans beside his sister. A kid that needed his sleep.

“Suede, buddy, are we being too loud?”

“Chess. Me seep. Oo youd,” Ransom gives a smile to the little boy that flops over to the other side. His body wiggles a bit, until the blanket is nearly over his face, but he wouldn’t be asleep for long. If Audrey was with Suede when she called Ransom, this is always the routine.

“I think my giggles woke him up.”

“I’m sure they did. Are you going to buy me a Christmas present while you’re there?” She smiles, nodding her head. “It’s going to be bigger than the plane, isn’t it?”

—

Andy pets around your belly, while you’re in the middle of dozing off, and staying awake to keep feeling him. He isn’t even snuggling you as much as he’s cradling your stomach. “Doe, it’s late, go to sleep, honey.”

“I’m enjoying you,” enjoying feeling more loved and worshiped than you’ve ever felt. Elated that you are the one giving Andy the family he’s craved. No one would ever love you like Andy, and no one would love Andy like you.

“You’re going to continue to enjoy me for many months. Go to sleep,” your eyes droop down for a bit longer, and you take comfort in his warmth. His protective hold over you and the unborn child in your belly. He’d proven more times than not his protection extended to Audrey and Suede as well.

It’s like everything is finally fitting in a pretty little puzzle. Just the way that you have always wanted it. You start to drift, until you hear the sweetest little giggle, “Andy?”

“Shh,” you think you’re falling asleep again before you hear two cute little giggles. “Is that?”

“What are those two up,” you sit up in the bed, but Andy playfully pushes you back on the bed. “Excuse you.”

“Let me go check on them,” he is not serious. If it wasn’t for his playful smile, you’d have already stubbed up.

“No,” you stubbornly answer, sitting back up again, and slinging your feet off the side of the bed. “If they’re giggling that means they’re having fun. And it’s vacation, so if they’re having fun, I want to join in with them,” grinning wildly, he stands up, extending a hand towards you, and you tiptoe out of your childhood bedroom, and walk towards Ryan’s.

It isn’t until you get closer that you hear a man’s voice. Not just any man either. But the endearing part is it’s a little conversation with all three of them. You could stand and listen to them having their moment. Their safe space. You open the door, and are followed by Andy. “Hey, mommy.”

“Hi, mama. Uck Ann, my mama and daddy!”

“Hey, Andy. Hey, Doe. Don’t be mad. I, uh, I called them because I couldn’t sleep,” you get closer to the mini, and frown at him. He didn’t call. He is doing a great job of keeping the camera higher, but he was topless. So the question then becomes, why did Audrey call?

“Did they pull you away from an — engagement?” You ask with a smirk.

“Nothing important. Audi?” you look towards your daughter before glancing behind you at Andy.

“I have nightmares, and call Uncle Ann. He doesn’t care. He just gets me to laugh, and I fall back to sleep,” your daughter has nightmares, and she doesn’t seek you out. She finds someone else. You don’t want to cause a scene right now in the middle of the night, but you want to know what she’s dreaming about. And while you’re happy that she feels comfort from Ransom, it hurts that she didn’t try and find it with you.

“I’m glad you could find someone to talk to,” Andy says, walking behind you, and his arm wraps around your waist. His hand resting on your barely swollen belly. “Ran, are they bothering you?”

“Nah. They’re just giggle boxes right now. Suede was asleep,” was. So the call woke him up. “Audi says that you’re buying me an airplane for Christmas.”

“Nu-uh, you said that my gift was going to be bigger than the airplane, I didn’t say that about yours. Mommy his nose is getting bigger,” the true joy you see in her eyes, melts your heart. Despite all that she’s been through, and is still going through, she has managed to keep her beautiful smile. Even the sweet little bantering between her and Ransom. But you’re still jealous.

“Did he now? Ran, I don’t know if we can do that.”

“Chess. Big big ruck!”

“A truck?” Ransom snarls.

“Chess! Big um!” Ransom’s nose crinkles as he tries to tell Suede he would not be driving a truck. “Chess!”

“Shh, buddy,” Andy blurts in. Audrey keeps moving the iPad to point at whoever is talking, and she lets that mini tablet capture Andy’s awkward hold on your stomach, while he addresses the kids, “We should really let Ransom get back to his — plans, and get back to sleep.”

“The plan has already left,” he smiles, hoping that Andy sees his eyes flicking down to see his hold on you. He knew that his partner wouldn’t be able to stop touching you once you got pregnant. If he liked Scott, he’d pity him. Andy will now have this innate need to protect you and the kids even more. People have yet to see how ruthless Andy can be for his family. “It’s not a big deal.”

“And then, we’re going to sneak into the kitchen for hot chocolate, and Audi and Suedey are going to come into the bedroom with us for a Christmas movie,” both kids get excited, wiggling around, but Ransom sticks his tongue out at Andy. Is he now jealous that you're taking time away from him? Did you just find a trustworthy babysitter? “And when we get back, we’ll make sure to invite Ransom and ’a plan’ to have a Christmas dinner and movie at home, okay?”

“I can live with that. But there’s only one ‘plan’ that I would take to your house, and meet the kids. And her name starts with a Tay and ends in a Tum,” Audrey turns the iPad to look at him, questioningly, and gasps, “Bye, cuties. I look forward to hearing everything that has happened while you’ve been gone, and movie night. Yay!” The video ends abruptly, and Audrey looks up at you and Andy with her brows furrowed.

“He doesn’t have plans with Miss Tatum yet.”

“Yet?” You ask her, and she puts both hands on her hips as she gets out of the bed with her princess nightgown, followed by Suede. “What do you mean yet?”

“He told me that he would do a book read in class for Christmas. That is his plans with Miss Tatum,” oh she sounds grumpy. First crushes are hard, especially when this crush could never happen.

“I’m sure he just misspoke, baby. Come on. Andy makes the best hot chocolate you’ve ever had, okay?” Suede is already sassy walking towards Andy with his arms outstretched for him. “You need to wipe that moody look off your face.”

“Why would Uncle Ann bring Miss Tatum to our house?” She stomps her foot. Sass you expect from Suede, but never her. She’s entitled every now and then of course. But it’s extremely out of character.

“The bigger question is why Uncle Ann even said that,” Andy mumbles, starting to walk out the door with Suede.

Kneeling down, you look at Audrey’s sweet face. Brushing some baby hairs back, “Would it bother you if he did?”

“Well, if he did, would that mean I can’t sit in his lap?” Oh no. “I don’t want her to sit too close to him.”

“Why not?” You don’t want to giggle at this. But you wonder if she’s going to tell you why she doesn’t want Miss Tatum close to Ransom.

“I am his girl,” there it is. “Not Miss Tatum. His only plan is to read a book in class. And I get to sit in his lap.”

“You’re right, baby. And in the daylight, we’ll make sure to tell Ransom not to be telling fibs, okay?” She gives you a single nod, and almost marches towards the bedroom door. Little girls' first crushes usually are someone that is kind to them. But having your five year old be jealous of her teacher is not something you were able to be prepared for.

But you didn’t want to think about it. You want hot chocolate with your family. You want to snuggle up all in the bed together. You want to stare at Andy as he watches over all of you. Watch Suede starfish out as much as he can, while Audrey tries to touch every person in the bed in some way. She just didn’t know she would also be touching another member of the family.

“Suedey, go potty before we take sissy to school,” Suede may blow out a puff of air, staring up at the ceiling, but he also bops off to his and Audrey’s shared bathroom, and you turn to look at Andy looming in the doorway. “What?” You ask, standing up, and going to check on Audrey.

“If you’re that nervous about a babysitter, we can take Suede with us,” you shake your head no as you walk up to him. Giving him a chaste kiss. “You’re not nervous about a babysitter?”

“What’s there to be nervous about? You’re going to be with me. And she is going to be at the office so Sloane and Ransom can make sure that our baby is being taken care of. Do you think that making her watch him at your office was the best idea?” Of course he doesn’t care. Andy said that’s what was going to happen, and that’s just how it was going to be. Suede was at the office enough to know his space. Know that under Sloane’s desk was an okay spot. Know that if Ransom didn’t have a client, he could be in there with him. But more importantly, the sitter couldn’t be alone with Chris.

“If it means that his mama can be at ease at her doctor’s appointment then yes,” you give him a little kiss, heading towards Audrey’s room. She needed to wrap a present for Miss Tatum by herself. You peek your head into her beautiful princess room. She never asked for anything, but she wanted the giant pink canopy bed, and Andy made sure that she had gotten it. It’s still one of her prized possessions.

“Do you think this is pretty enough?” Her nose crinkles up as she turns the wrapped gift around. It wasn’t the best. “It’s not very pretty like yours.”

“I think it’s beautiful. And I think Miss Tatum will love it,” she sighs, looking up at you as you join her at her tea table. “What is it?”

“Can I just stay with Uncle Ann?” You shake your head no. “Why not? Suede gets to.”

“And mommy gets a little bit scared when Suede isn’t with her,” she crosses her arms over her chest, looking towards her bed. The very bed that she asks you to help her make every morning so she can pile her stuffed animals on it.

“I get scared when he’s not with me, too.”

“I know you do, baby. We’ll have to slowly start trusting other people with him. But your job as a five year old is to go to school. Have fun with your friends, and other classmates. And tonight we’re decorating the gingerbread houses. And it won’t be long until Christmas. And,” she pushes her chair out from the table. Brushing down her jumper she grabs her school cardigan from her bed, and brings it to you. “Are you mad?”

“No,” her voice is a bit short as you put the cardigan on her though. “Can dad — daddy make hot chocolate tonight, too?”

“Yes, he can,” you’re proud of her for trying to figure out the most comfortable name to call Andy. It changed constantly. Sometimes Andy still popped out, but recently it seemed to go between dad and daddy.

“Can Uncle Ann make gingerbread houses with us?”

“We can ask him,” if he wasn’t busy that man would probably buy all the gingerbread house kits he can find and show up. He never can tell Audrey no.

“And he can’t invite Miss Tatum, okay?”

“Okay,” she holds out a pinky towards you, “I pinky promise Uncle Ann won’t invite Miss Tatum tonight for gingerbread houses,” you aren’t sure what Ransom’s plans are with the teacher. If he’s going to read in Audrey’s classes for brownie points, or if he truly enjoys it. You didn’t know, and you didn’t want to know. Ransom’s private life was his.

“I’m ready to go to school now!” All worries are washed away as your sweet girl jumps up from the pinky promise with a smile. The joys of being a five year old. She had deep feelings, but she still had her many joys in life. And you still had many annoyances with trying to get in touch with her father.

Fuck Scott for ever acting like he wanted full custody of your children. He has missed three weeks with them. Three weeks of not seeing their faces, or hearing their voices. Three weeks of not asking how his son was doing, but how his daughter was feeling! Three weeks without your children sounds like a lifetime.

This is the difference between you and Scott. You wanted him to spend time with his children, even if it meant more time away from you. You wanted them to have a relationship with their father. You wanted him to step up for Suede. You wanted him to treat Audrey like the little girl that she is. And all he cared about was trying to get one over on you.

He used custody as a weapon against you. He wanted you to suffer because he needed you to pay for his transgressions. These three weeks away from their dad, without any word, showed you that he didn’t even truly care about either of them. It makes you sick to your stomach that he can so callously walk away from his flesh and blood. When a man who didn’t even have kids wanted to call them every night. It is Ransom who Audrey turns to with her nightmares, not her own father. Or you. You still haven’t got over that.

“Alright everyone!” Andy shouts from the bottom of the stairs. “The train needs to head out of the station,” Audrey gives you a little giggle as she grabs her gift for Miss Tatum. It’s a bit early, but she has been excited to give it to her. And now, to check on the little Barber bean in your belly. After you get both kids situated.

Taking a deep breath, you look around you and know no matter what this baby will be loved and cared for. Andy would never let three weeks go by without needing to see or hear from Audrey and Suede, and now another one. Andy didn’t even like the weekends the kids were gone. It’s why he implemented naked Saturdays. Saying seeing your tits was the only way he didn’t feel like something was missing.

He wanted to talk to them when they were with Scott. Needed to hear their voices, and see their little faces. And the man that wanted a third child with you could go three weeks with nothing. He claimed your lack of providing him with a third child was one of the reasons that he cheated. That your behavior after Suede made him fall out of love with you. Pig. Of all the ways he’s flawed, when it comes to being a father, it’s his biggest downfall.

“So,” your doctor begins as he roots around for the baby. Of course the pregnancy test was positive. You’d tested enough without Andy’s knowledge just to be sure. Nearly a daily reminder to prove you weren’t dreaming, you were pregnant. You couldn’t get over seeing the two pink lines, the word pregnant, and whatever colorful array of tests that said you were pregnant. “How far along do we think we are?”

“She’s probably about two and half months,” leave it to your fiance to know roughly the length at which you’re pregnant. He knew these things. He’d been paying attention when you were trying to ignore what your body was telling you. You couldn’t get pregnant. It’s what your old doctor told you. Andy agreed with you, he didn’t want you to see that doctor. Except the petty part of him wanted to go back just to say, ‘You were wrong.’

“Well,” he says looking at the monitor, and you grip Andy’s hand tighter. He squints his eyes, and then looks towards you. And then looks back at the monitor. There is no denying what you see. It’s clear as day, right there, “Umm…”

“The baby is okay?” Andy asks, looking at the monitor, and slightly shaking his head with confusion. He didn’t see anything. Nothing but blobs.

“Is there two?” you screech. Andy’s grip on your hand now matches your own when the doctor nods. “But they’re in different sacs,” you’ve been here before, you know what sacs are. Know the what two means. They’re not identical. You could have a boy and a girl! You could have two boys, or two girls.

“Not just different sacs.”

“I really do not see two. What…oh,” you’re so thankful to be looking at Andy when the Doppler picks up the heartbeats. His face immediately changes at the sound. He looks so calm hearing a steady heartbeat, and a less loud one in the background. His eyes go misty as he leans to kiss your temple without removing his sight from the monitor, “Can we talk about what’s happening. That’s their heartbeat?”

“Yes, Mr. Barber. But…you were told you couldn’t have any more children?” Maybe you should make an appointment to see the doctor, after the babies are born.

“Yeah.”

“You weren’t given a true explanation as to why?” You shake your head no. It was complicated. He said there were several factors at play. Your uterus was shaped wrong. There was scaring. You were old. You may have PCOS. “I mean there’s some scarring, you said that your son’s birth was difficult?” You nod your head. A ball of anger starts forming in your gut, and you’re not sure why. “Hmm,” that’s all he says. Hmm.

“What does that mean?” You ask, starting to get agitated. Your uterus has always been a big conversation with some people, and clearly it works just fine. But your uterus, your business. Now you just have mixed emotions. Would it not be for the two beautiful beans growing in you now, you might be raging.

“I mean it would have made conceiving difficult, but not impossible with viable sperm,” you snort. “I did not make a comment about your ex’s sperm. Here’s the biggest issue we currently have,” you didn’t like the sound of that as he starts to clean up. You kind of liked seeing and hearing the babies. It gives you calmness while talking about something you hate. Even though you’re struggling to wrap your head around babies. Two.

“Is there actually three?” Poor Andy is in shock, and not saying anything, he just stares at the now blank monitor.

“No,” the doctor answers shortly. He rolls his chair away from you, and picks up your file. “Baby B seems to be growing a bit slower pace, or…”

“Baby B was conceived after Baby A?” You ask, and he nods his head. He wipes his brows as he looks towards you, “What are you suggesting?”

“This isn’t uncommon mind you. I know you said your periods were irregular, and there is the scarring. There’s a few concerns. You’re older, you’re starting off at a disadvantage. Multiples are high risk anyways. I want you to take things easy. There will most likely come a time you will be on bed rest if you want healthy babies, and I’m assuming that you do. I will not sugar coat this. The babies can be fine, but stress…”

You hear what he’s saying without saying it. Stress. You’re a mother of two, you’re going through a divorce with an asshat, your baby daddy won’t call his kids, you have emergency sole custody of Suede, now you’re finding out that you’re having twins and one is possibly much younger than the other. Stress is no big thing. Completely stress free life here.

“I get it. Stress is next to impossible. But I need this to be a very valiant effort. But both babies have a great heartbeat. Both are growing well, despite Baby B at a bit of a disadvantage. And I’m going to urge you to think about this being the last pregnancy,” you nod without question. Two more babies is more than enough. You’ll get fixed, Andy could, you didn’t care. You didn’t need another.

Now onto more things. Divorce finalized, and custody dealt with.

“We need to keep the pregnancy as much from Scott as possible,” you didn’t care if Scott knew or didn’t know. It didn’t matter either way.

“Is there a reason why?” Andy’s hand on your thigh squeezes you slightly. “So what are you not telling me?”

“We need the divorce finalized before you start showing,” you would have liked the divorce finalized a month ago. “Umm, he could contest the pregnancy.”

“Excuse me?” There is no contesting. The twins were yours and Andy’s. He can’t force you to do shit.

“Legally you’re married to him.”

“And physically I’m with you. The doctor said no stress, but this is stressing me out. Can you just spill it?” He’s trying to protect you. But in terms of your children, you didn’t care right now.

“He’s enough of an asshole that if he found out that you are pregnant, he would demand a DNA test while you’re pregnant. He’ll want me to be legitimized to be a dick,” you’re still not fully understanding. “Legally those are his children. Our twins.”

“No,” tears prickle your eyes. Not tears of sadness, but pure rage. “No. No, they are our babies.”

“Legally they are his. I don’t doubt what a DNA test would say about either baby. But if we can avoid that it would be more ideal,” Scott would be the asshole that would make a mockery of yours and Andy’s relationship. “We shouldn’t tell the kids until after the divorce. Not that he is calling to see or talk to either, but still.”

“Why is he not calling her back? I’m getting tired of lying to my baby. But I won’t have us speak ill of Scott, she’ll figure it out all on her own. But she’s a confused child right now. Can — is there anything legally I can do?” So many thoughts and question run through your mind. Scott could contest the pregnancy. He could say whatever he wanted in court to put doubt in a judge’s mind. He could say infidelity happened.

“It can be brought up during the custody hearing. I just don’t know if it’ll make a difference. Scott knew he screwed up, and he’s continuing to screw up and doesn’t know how to stop it. They’ll be fine,” you aren’t worried about Suede, he doesn’t even talk about Scott. He is young enough to accept the man with him daily is his dad.

“So we can’t say anything to the kids, we need to keep the pregnancy on the downlow, I’m currently at risk and need to have no stress while my stress is piling up. Andy, I just want to be divorced. I’ll give you whatever type of wedding you want, but I want divorced, and I just want to be your wife. I want you to have custody of Audrey and Suede in case something happens,” his hand tightens on your thigh again. “I need to know that if anything happens to me their dad will take care of them, not their father. This is the responsible part of being adults; thinking about the hard stuff.”

“I know. And we’ll do whatever we have to. Just promise me that you’ll keep the babies safe,” that isn’t something that needs to be discussed, it just is what you will do. What you’ll do for your family. You want Christmas to be a pleasant one. You want Scott to put his big boy pants on, and you want him to be a fucking adult for once.

Uncontested little prick. Andy knew that Scott was operating on a low moral scale, but contacting Ray to just inform him that he would sign divorce papers uncontested was something Andy couldn’t predict. He knew that you had the ammunition to smear him and his good name. He agreed to the terms of child support. Agreed to you having full custody, but wanted to go back to every other weekend with Audrey. Just Audrey.

Your eyes glazed over as Ray told you all this information. Hitting you like a blast of cold wind when he got to the end. It’s not that you want Scott to have Suede, it's the fact he could easily throw him away. You should have known. You allowed your son to be around him for too long.

It’s bittersweet hearing your ex wanted to sign away his rights. The one thing that was never mentioned was alimony. Ray advised you to proceed with getting some money, but you didn’t fucking care. You’d be marrying Andy anyways, and wouldn’t receive it. Scott folded over under pressure.

You know that Andy is wanting you to do something more by his pacing around the house tonight. He doesn’t like you’re not getting alimony. He doesn’t like that he wants Audrey, and not Suede. He doesn’t like that you aren’t doing more. “You know I just want to make sure they're safe.”

“You have the power to do that,” he answers with a bit of anger in his voice. “You should get alimony for putting up with that prick. I don’t know why you’re agreeing to his terms. You’re making it too easy for him.”

“Or I’m thinking of how this speeds things up. Scott wants to sign away all of his rights for Suede, giving you the ability to adopt him. I don’t need alimony when I want to immediately marry you, and it’ll go away anyways. Do you see him having children with anyone else?” Andy sighs. “I actually wonder if the asshole got snipped, and he’s the reason I couldn’t get pregnant. He just made me believe I was the issue in the family,” you heard the doctor loud and clear. It’s stuck in your head. Something you can’t prove, and won’t try, but it’s made you wonder if all this time it was always Scott.

Andy sits down at the bar, while you stuff a loaf of sourdough back in the oven. His fingers make odd circles on the counter. “You think I’m making a mistake?”

“I think you’re thinking too rationally, and in the end it makes sense. But I also want him to pay,” you just want him to disappear. “Has he even called you? Asked about his golden child?”

“No,” you answer shortly. Circling around the counter, you lean against Andy, letting him cup your belly. He gives you a kiss to your temple, holding his mouth there while you listen to your babies giggling and laughing in the playroom. “He’s a coward, and probably won’t do anything until after Christmas anyways. I still have full custody. You heard Ray, I get the say so on holidays. It’s because he doesn’t want her to cramp his style.”

“He’s a damn sperm donor. I don’t see how he just kept spiraling,” plain and simple, he wanted to own you. He was realizing he couldn’t, and then he made a grave mistake with Suede, and his reputation was put on the line.

“Well, according to Sloane, his ego has been hit,” Andy’s brow cocks up as he looks at you questioningly. Sloane always gets the best gossip in the courthouse. “Taylor, well, she has this thing with fucking men that don’t belong to her.”

“What?” He smiles, getting excited to learn that Scott was the one cheated on.

“She’s cute. And doesn’t have a job. He was working late, and she found her a young man to fuck in Scott’s bed,” you don’t want to rejoice at his bad luck. But it does serve him right. “She was too young for him, and lets be honest, she doesn’t need kids right now.”

“So where does that leave them?”

“Well, she did show up at his office, and told him it would never happen again,” Andy snorts, and rubs on your belly. He couldn’t feel anything, and neither could you. But the bump is becoming more noticeable. Clothes are struggling to hide the babies growing there. “So it seems that she’s back at the house with him. But it’s not about love, it’ll be about finding someone with more money.”

“But he knows that she doesn’t have a problem with cheating,” you shrug. You didn’t care anymore. She was Scott’s problem. Maybe if he wasn’t so concerned with parenting an adult, he might be better a parent to his daughter. “I just can’t sit and think about him giving Suede up.”

“I know. And I’m both amazed, and pissed off that you can do that,” you know it bothers him. But Scott fighting for Suede would be worse. It’s like he knew deep down he could not give Suede the care that he needed for health reasons. He didn’t want that responsibility, and you would always be there over his shoulder with him. “Are you angry with me for thinking you’re crazy?”

“No. Because you’re looking at this as being Suede’s dad. You can’t fathom why a man would give up their rights to their child. Could throw him away without thinking about it. You’re thinking like someone that loves Suede, because you do.”

“I also think he’s giving you what you want,” he definitely was. He knew that it would be hard for you to let things go back to how they were with Suede. It’s possible you could have enforced monitored visitation for Suede’s safety.

“And I don’t care about his reasons. I am done trying to figure out Scott Huffman. I’m done trying to appease him. I can’t think about if this is a grand scheme of anything because I know that our son will be safer without him in the picture, and Suede Barber sounds nice.”

Andy gives a sighing chuckle as you start to get off him. “I like the way that sounds. So what do you think the babies are?”

“Healthy,” you already have one of each, so it doesn't really matter. You wanted healthy babies.

“And how is Christmas going again?” Neither of you have family in the area, so it will be Christmas at home with the kids in the morning. Just you and your little family.

“Uncle Ann is coming by for Christmas brunch, and,” you walk backwards away from Andy with a smile. Going to check on the bread.

“And? You’re being very coy and secretive,” he pulls you into him, pressing himself up against you in a not so innocent way. But the kids can be heard, and they aren’t anywhere near you. “Doe?”

“Miss Tatum couldn’t get a flight back home, and she’s alone, so she’s coming here,” Andy looks at you confused, and it’s so sweet how clueless he can be. “Ransom has a crush on her.”

“And Audrey has a crush on Ransom.”

“A bit of an oversight, but it can never happen. Ransom can, however, date this cute little teacher at Audrey’s school. He goes there to read books,” Andy shakes his head no. Oh, he really is clueless. “He’s been there three times. Once was to read How the Grinch Stole Christmas.”

“Ransom Drysdale went to a Pre-K class to read books for what reason?”

“Andy!” He is so dense right now. “He is trying to impress Miss Tatum. He wants to see her, and how else would he see her?”

“She’s a teacher,” he reminds you. Rolling your eyes you take out the Dutch oven, and smile at him. “I don’t think I’m following.”

“He wants to see her, and impress her, so he goes to her classroom, and shows that he can deal with sticky hands. And he wants to make it clear that you’re not his partner,” Andy’s face goes flat as he stares at you.

”I shouldn’t have told you that,” giggling, you pull him into you.

“I’m really glad that you did. You and Ransom make a very handsome couple,” he leans to the side, blowing a raspberry on your neck. “Make sure to invite me to the wedding.”

“Is dinner ready? I’m getting tired of your attitude. I think I should punish you later,” emphasizing his baseless threat with a swat to your bum, “Audi, Sued, dinner is ready!”

“No, it’s not!”

“You little,” playfully he grits his teeth, and nibbles on your neck. His hands squeezing your ass as Suede runs in, giving Andy’s finger a pinch. “Suedey!”

“Dada, no, my mama! Mama! Mama!”

“Come here, buddy,” you’re able to snake out of Andy’s arms, and pull your baby up, getting a stern look from Andy. “Do not tell me not to pick my son up.”

“I just want…”

“Picking up my children was not on my list of don’t’s. And I will hold them, and if I’m told I can’t, we’ll deal with that then, okay?” He gives you a nod. You know he worries about you, about the babies. He’ll help out how he can, you know that. But not being able to pick up your kids just isn’t an option for you. You need them.

“Is dinner really not ready,” he pouts at you, leaning in to give both you and Suede a kiss.

“It is. And, you know what tomorrow is!”

“SANA! Uck Ann. Peesants and baby,” his legs wiggle around, and you stare at Andy with your mouth gaping. What was that last part? You can’t bring it to Suede’s attention, or he could go blabbing to everyone else.

“You told Suede Ransom was going to be here?” Andy focuses on that part more than ‘baby’ being said.

“Uck Ann. Chess. Me yike Uck Ann. Dow, mama. Dow der,” you put him down, and take a long breath. Saying a silent prayer that Scott could find it in his heart to call his daughter. If you didn’t have Andy in Suede’s life, you would feel like a failure to him. He has someone. But how Scott could ever throw a little precious boy like Suede away is shocking to you.

But is it worse that he wants Audrey enough, but doesn’t want to call her? See her? It just didn’t make sense. Didn’t add up. You know that Andy wouldn’t do that. He would fight to see both the kids, and they weren’t born from him. You’d chosen the wrong man, and deep down, you knew it. But you got the right kids. The best kids.

Ones that are now surrounded by so many people that love them. You are making it work out here away from family. Growing a village, and everyone is happier because of it. Even though Ransom wasn’t happy about the plan for you to fade out of work, but you and Andy decided as a unit that it was best if you slowly weaned your hours down to nothing.

Ransom might not be the biggest fan of that idea, but he couldn’t argue much. You volunteered to do some work from home. Help him out as much as possible. You’d already made him change his mind about children at the office. Suede was easily entertained, and entertained himself well. You just couldn’t let his health be in someone else’s hands right now. You weren’t ready.

Now, onto Christmas Eve, and Christmas.

“Uck Ann, and yoys, and mama, and dada, and Audi, and yots a yoys, and tees, and mine dog, and…” Ransom’s eyes just keep getting larger the more that Suede jabbers about that morning. Ransom gave the morning to your family, but the moment he walked in after cleanup, Suede and Audrey attacked. They were not expecting him, nor expecting him to spend the night.

“Audi, can you translate for me?” He asks, smiling at the little boy, and giving him some rib tickles.

“He had a good Christmas,” she covers her mouth, giggling. They both did. So far, Audrey hadn’t even mentioned Scott. His loss. She very may well later. But she is too much into her feels about new toys, and decor for her bedroom, and now Uncle Ann to care. At bedtime, it was sure to be different.

“Chess. Mine yoys in for. Oo pay me,” Suede points to the wide array of toys in the living room floor. You’re just relaxed with Andy the giant chair of his, enjoying the sight. Before toys had to be strictly cleaned up and put away, and never brought out into the living room. What is the fun in that? This living room is big enough that they had a little nook for additional toys that didn’t fit in their play room.

The fireplace was on, and you soak up Christmas morning. Even more, Andy’s joy of having a Christmas he always dreamed of. The both of you sat in the floor with the kids, opening up presents with them. Then opened up boxes, added batteries, built the race track for Suede. You enjoyed the time with your kids.

“He wants you to play in the floor with us,” Audrey nods. It’s what she is wanting to. If she had it her way she’d probably spend her time sitting in his lap, and getting him to play baby dolls with her.

“Chess,” Suede does one solid nod, and points to the living room. “In der wi us.”

“Can I sit in your lap? Suede likes to get up and move too much,” he responds with a chess, still pointing in the living room. “Please?” Your little needy, sneaky girl.

“Of course,” she giggles again as Ransom carries both of them into the area with you and Andy. Such a lazy Christmas today. The kids have been in the living room with their toys all day, you’ve had a Yule log on the television, and the fireplace on, while you snuggled with Andy, watching the kids play, or playing with them.

“Hey Ran,” you smile up at him, and Andy rubs over your belly, getting an eye roll from Ransom. Apparently, he’d been ragging on Andy for being able to knock you up, while ‘Scoot’ and his limp dick couldn’t

“How the babies?” You cringe, looking up at Ransom. You hadn’t told him. The divorce is official final, but it just was never the right time.

“Mine otay. Chess. Yots a toys!” Suede answers, because he is the baby.

“What babies?” Audrey looks at you accusatory as you gawk at Ransom. “Like me and Suedey are your babies?”

“Me no babE! Me ig boy,” Suede’s brows furrow at his sister. You take a deep breath, trying to think if this is the wrong time. Christmas should be about their happiness with being kids. You’ve already signed the divorce papers. You agreed to Scott’s terms. You allowed him to belittle you over and over again to keep the peace. You deserved to have this family. And they deserved to know.

“Doe,” Andy’s voice is reassuring, and not pressuring at all. He’s always let you lead things when it comes to the children. But you want him to have say as well. He’s earned it. You gulp staring at Audrey who continues to just look at you. Miss Tatum will be coming, and Audrey is already jealous of Ransom’s attention. Would she feel like you are replacing her?

“I got a new baby doll for Christmas. And she looks real,” oh sweet girl. “Is that what you mean?” Audrey twiddles her fingers, as Suede swings his legs, silently asking for Ransom to set him down, and he does.

“I’m sorry,” he says, still holding onto your sweet girl. “I thought…”

“Audrey,” your voice cracks looking at her sweet face. The little girl that made you a mom. The one that has been so strong, and yet is still your baby. The one that calls Andy’s partner to tell him about her nightmares. She’s suffered through so much, and you don’t want this to hurt her, but you wouldn’t change it.

“Honey, Andy and I have a big surprise for you.”

“More yoys?” You shake your head no, at Suede, and he returns to his playing. He didn’t care about anything but more presents.

Audrey looks at your belly with glassy eyes. Andy’s hand is still splayed over it. She’s so smart. Too smart some days. And then her mouth turns up into the biggest smile, “Babies?” She is going to be okay.

“Uh huh. Two of them,” letting her work through the emotions, you just smile up at her.

“Twins!” She screeches, causing Ransom to grimace holding his ear, and he lowers her to the floor, and she bounds towards you. Crawling up into your lap, and kisses your neck. You melt into her touch. Hugging her back, and kissing all over her cheeks. “But daddy said you can’t have babies,” daddy shouldn’t be talking to her at all.

“But mommy can,” Andy says proudly, kissing both of you. “Mommy can have two at once.”

“NaNa my daddy,” Suede sings, connecting the magnetized blocks together. He’s taking it well. Still just worried about NaNa being his daddy. He’d eventually figure out there are babies in your belly, and then there are babies in his home.

“So Suedey is going to be a big brother!” She covers her mouth again giggling. “Can I name one?” You smile, pushing her hair back as her hand joins Andy’s on your belly. Giggling when she feels the growing bump.

“As long as it’s not Princess Peach or Bubbles,” her sweet nose scrunches up, shaking her head at Andy. “Maybe Princess Banana Hammock.”

“I was thinking Aubrey,” she says so sweetly. Something to match her.

“We don’t even know what we’re having, just that there’s three,” her hand stops right above your belly button, and both of you lock eyes for a moment. She felt it, too. Of course your sensitive girl would feel the small flutters. Or just knew that you could. Or it was all in her head. Children’s perceptions are strange.

“You’re sure? Can we put a third in there?”

“I’m sure, and two is enough” you answer. Turning towards Andy you nod your head, and he reaches over to his wallet. He digs through it before pulling out the photos of the ultrasound. “See, this is baby A, and that is baby B.”

“That is a blob. What is that?” She asks, squinting at the photos. “These are not babies. Are they going to look like that when they’re born? That’s terrifying.”

“No,” Andy chuckles, giving her another kiss to her head. “Oh,” he looks at Ransom with a smile as the doorbell rings. “Ran, can you answer the door?” He smiles, putting the photo back in his wallet. Realizing now he can have the ultrasound on display with the family photo. And soon a family photo with your bump. And then photos with all four kids.

“Is it Santa?” Audrey claps her hands, jumping up to cling to Ransom as she follows him out of the living room.

“Sanna! More yoys! Yots a yoys,” both kids run with Ransom to the front door, but you just look at Andy for a moment. Creating new traditions for Christmas. A village unfolding and hopefully no tantrums with Miss Tatum joining you for dinner. There is the couch if she wants to stay, but Ransom better give her the guest bedroom.

“That went better than I thought,” Andy yawns, and brings you practically in his lap. His hand goes up underneath the oversized sweatshirt. He didn’t have to hide anything anymore. You are carrying his babies. And he’d shout it to the moon.

“Now, let’s hope that Audrey does well with this,” you agree. Let’s hope this goes well. She did have such big changes happening.

“Miss Tatum!” Audrey screams, and two sets of feet start jumping up and down, and Ransom says absolutely nothing. “Can I show you my room?”

“Mine yoys. Mine Uck Ann. Mine mama. Mine daddy.”

“Hey, Ransom,” you know that voice. At least Ransom’s crush is reciprocated. That can be your gift to him this Christmas. “I brought a cookie box, and some fudge.”

“My Ike tookies!”

“Ands, everything is okay,” he shushes you, and gives you a chaste kiss. “I’m not sleepy,” you are. You’re very sleepy. And cozy, and comfortable.

“Say hey to Miss Tatum, I’ll offer coffee for everyone, and make hot chocolate for the kids if they want it, and we’ll play a movie. You can sleep right on here with me during the movie, okay, little deer?” You nod as you start to stand up. Better yet, let you make the coffee, he make the hot chocolate, and you get a cookie and be a cordial houseguest. Nap can come later.

Christmas just got so much sweeter.

Next

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @peaches1958 @seitmai

@smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @kmc1989

@pandaxnienke @kmm-fluv @rogersbarber @theinheriteddutchess @buckybarnesisdaddy

@hisredheadedgoddess28 @capswife

[paigesbasketball]

A Bueckers Christmas

Paige Bueckers x Reader Warning: Just a little suggestive Notes: not related to the story but these photos do something to me...... also sorry this was late

The glow of the city skyline lit up your new high-rise apartment, the snow outside falling gently like something out of a Christmas movie. Inside, the smell of pine filled the room as you and Paige worked on decorating the tree. Well, you were decorating—the same couldn’t be said for Paige, who seemed far more interested in distracting you. Her wife.

She was standing on a chair, carefully hanging a string of lights across the wall, her hoodie riding up just slightly. “How does it look?” she called over her shoulder, her voice laced with amusement. “Festive enough to impress my adoring fans?” she says wiggling her eyebrows looking at me.

You glanced up from the box of ornaments in your hands, pretending not to notice the way her smile lit up the room more than the lights did. “It’s fine,” you said, trying to sound casual. “Now get down before you hurt yourself. If you twist an ankle, your coach will kill me.”

Paige hopped down gracefully, landing right in front of you. She didn’t step back, though—instead, she stayed close, her blue eyes sparkling as she reached out to adjust the tinsel hanging around your shoulders. “You worry about me too much,” she teased, her fingers brushing your neck. “But I like that about you.”

You took a step back, trying to focus on the task at hand. “Paige, we don’t have time for this. Your team’s going to be here in—”

“Fifteen minutes,” she interrupted, her voice dropping as she leaned against the counter, her smirk unmistakable. “Plenty of time.”

You groaned, grabbing a strand of garland and holding it out to her. “Then make yourself useful. Here.”

But Paige ignored the garland, taking a slow step toward you instead. “You know,” she said, her voice softer now, “you’re way too cute when you’re all flustered.”

“Paige,” you said, trying to sound firm, but your voice came out quieter than you intended.

She reached up, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “I’m just saying,” she murmured, her face close enough that you could feel the warmth of her breath, “it’s hard to focus on decorating when you’re standing there looking like...well, like you.”

Your cheeks flushed, and you opened your mouth to respond, but the words caught in your throat as she leaned even closer. “Paige, your team—”

“They’ll survive,” she whispered, her lips curving into a small smile. “This is way more important.”

Before you could argue, she closed the distance between you, her lips brushing softly against yours. The kiss was warm and sweet, with just a hint of the boldness that made her Paige.

For a moment, the world outside disappeared—the snow, the lights, the looming arrival of her teammates. It was just her, and the way her hand cradled your jaw as if you were the only thing that mattered.

When she finally pulled back, her eyes searched yours, that playful smirk returning. “See? Decorating’s not so bad when you have the right motivation.”

You let out a breathless laugh, shaking your head. “You’re impossible.”

“And yet, here you are,” she teased, grabbing the garland you’d dropped earlier. “Don’t worry, I’ll finish decorating. But just so you know…” She leaned in close again, her voice dropping to a murmur. “That wasn’t the last one.”

The sound of the doorbell cut through the moment, making you jump. Paige grinned, pulling away with an exaggerated sigh. “Saved by the bell,” she said, winking.

You turned to answer the door, your heart still racing. As her teammates flooded in, the room filled with laughter and chatter, but Paige’s eyes never left yours.

And somehow, you knew she wasn’t done making this the most memorable Christmas ever.

[kiras-sunshine]

a little ficlet, a tarlos 5x06 coda really

Carlos frowns when TK's name flashes on his phone screen.

Usually, he would be glad to hear of his husband, but he knows he is in the middle of a shift. TK is also aware that he is at work, too.

Usually, nothing good comes out of unexpected phone calls in the middle of the work day in their fields.

Especially when they have agreed not to call each other while working unless it really matters and is urgent and important.

Carlos tries to shake the ominous feeling and the worry from his shoulders as he answers the call.

"Hey."

It feels as if his stomach is turning inside out.

"Hey, babe."

The fact that TK himself is the one talking on other end of the line feels like a small blessing already. He does sound a little bit out of breath, but otherwise okay.

Carlos is aware that his brain is obsessively scanning and overanalysing just those two words to figure out if anything is wrong.

It seems that things are alright, but his heart does not seem to believe it. It is beating heavily and it almost hurts in his chest.

"Everything okay?"

Carlos is aware that he does not succeed keeping his voice as light as he hoped and that his fingers have started to tap the surface of his work desk.

"Yeah, everyhting is okay," TK says softly, "we just had a--rough call. I wanted to call you."

Carlos thinks the worry literally melts away from his body as he hears TK's words. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply.

He sends a mental thank you to whatever god is looking after his husband.

"That's more than okay," he says, just as softly, "what happened?"

Their office is full of noises. There are people talking, typing on their computers and phones ringing. Still, all he is able to focus on is the sound of TK's voice.

"A man got crushed by a vending machine," TK huffs, "he died on the scene. There was nothing we could do."

Carlos is more than familiar with the bottomless feeling of helplessness that comes with calls like that.

He feels so useless and powerless when it happens and he hates that he cannot really help TK with that feeling.

He would love to take it away from him.

"That sounds brutal."

"It was," TK agrees, quietly, "he had not told a person he liked that he was into her. It made me want to-- not waste a moment and call you and say that I love you."

Carlos tries his best not to smile too widely. It feels weird to feel joy and being loved when they are talking about someone's dying regret.

But yet, he does feel loved and he does believe those words should be said as often as possible.

Especially after the state their marriage has been as he has been too stuck in the endless cycle of trying to find his dad's killer.

The realisation of that soothes his heart a bit.

It feels like a little miracle that TK wanted to call him just to say those three words, and therefore, he is going to treat it as a miracle.

"I love you, too," he murmurs, not really caring which of his co-workers nearby hear it.

"Hmm," TK hums, little happier than before, "I'll order dinner before you get home."

Carlos' heart is overwhelming with love and gratitude, for more reasons than one.

"Sounds good."

"Be careful out there," TK says, but there are sounds in the background, and Carlos knows they need to hang up soon.

He looks at the forms on his computer screen that he needs to fill in on the latest case that he and Campbell solved.

It seems that his shift is spent safely inside doing the paperwork.

"You too."

It feels like saying I love you all over again.

[writersrkive]

hi!! i just read your spencer fic about telling him not to shut up. i specifically loved the fact that the reader’s first language isn’t english, i feel like the majority of the fandom doesn’t have english as their first language.

could you write something where the reader’s first language isn’t english and they’re having trouble with their paperwork because people tend to use a lot of difficult words, and spencer notices it and helps them out? maybe reader often stays late to finish working because they need to read sentences multiple times to fully understand them?

if you don’t feel like writing this feel free to skip or write anything else <3

(it’s getting late for me here but i look forward to reading more of your work when i come back from work tomorrow :)

have a good day!!

A little help never hurts | Spencer Reid

summary: Paperwork days are hell, especially for you, since English isn't your first language. You don't say anything to any of your coworkers because you're afraid they will see you as incapable of doing your work, but one genius boy might have been looking at you a lot and definitely notices something is wrong. He is determined to help you. An extra help never hurts, right?

genre: fluff, comfort

pairing: early seasons!Spencer Reid x bau!reader

warnings: English isn't reader's first language, mention of reader being from another country (I think that's all, but let me know!)

a/n: Omg, my second request! I loved the idea, thanks! I hope you like it rebel-ezra (does this notify you when I answer your inbox or do I have to tag people when it's not anon? lol, sorry). I'm excited to see how much you enjoy this one, and I'm sorry if it's not as good as you expected. English isn't my first language, please be kind <3.

Happy New Year, reader! I hope you can get distracted a little with this fic if, if you need to. You did it! Next year we have more people, places and things to know, hugs!

important: Are you guys interested in being in a Criminal Mind's tag list for my fics? If that's the case, let me know in the comments, please. I might be doing one if there's enough people.

Masterlist Spanish ver. On Wattpad (coming soon)

The feeling of pressure on your head and the emptiness of your stomach has stressed you since a few hours ago. You didn't have anything to eat since the doughnut and cup of coffee that García offered you in the morning when she arrived. But you weren't close to going home.

Paperwork was always a pain in the ass, but especially for the poor newest member of the BAU. Why is that? Well, your mother language wasn't English, and of course you had a good level —otherwise you wouldn't have the opportunity to study and work in the U.S.A.—, but the documents were too formal and technical given the seriousness of the issues being discussed.

“Shit.” You whispered, typing a new confusing and complicated word on your computer for the third time in an hour.

“Hey, do you want to go to my place after work? Tonight seems like a free night, if duty doesn't call.” Emily had approached you with a warm smile, knowing that paperwork was never easy.

“Thanks, Em. But I think tonight I'm going home to rest. It's been a long week.” But you gave that answer because at that point, it was routine to stay way later than your workmates.

Spencer was coming back from the bathroom, ready to take his stuff and go home. It was really late, so he thought he was the only one besides Hotch in the office. However, he saw you at your desk: your head resting on a dictionary, the computer next to you and several post-it notes stuck in the drawers of your desk.

He called your name twice, but of course the sleep you were immersed in did not allow you to hear it. Footsteps were heard in the darkness. There were just a few desk lamps on, that's why he was able to see your peaceful expression. He touched your shoulder slightly and when you opened your eyes, all you saw was a shy smile.

“Reid, what's wrong?” You asked, feeling your head throbbing.

“Are you okay? You fell asleep.” He whispered.

“Oh… Yeah… I'm okay.”

“Are you sure? You seem pretty tired. It's late so maybe you should go home”

“Don't worry. I have work to get done anyway.” You sighed, remembering how you still had to review a quarter of documents.

“What? But you have been working on this for hours.”

His comment made you blush. Of course you haven't told anyone how hard it was to review every document twice or even thrice to be sure that you didn't misunderstand or mistranslate anything. Somehow you felt that if anyone knew they would criticize or mock you. Not that you thought about your coworkers being mean, but through your journey of learning another language and moving from your country, you met all kinds of people. Also, you didn't want to be seen as weak or incapable of doing your job.

“Today was just a lot, that's all.”

“You usually work quickly, though I think I know what's going on. You keep a dictionary on your desk and usually carry a pocket version in your backpack, the days when you leave work late are paperwork days and you usually close the translator tab on your computer as soon as someone approaches your desk.” He explained looking around your stuff as if he was analyzing everything. “Is it about the language?”

“Yes, yes it is, okay? There, I said it!” Your frustrated tone made Spencer realise how tired you were about the situation. You didn't even try to deny it, you just hid your face around your arms, leaning on your desk —as if you were recreating the position he found you asleep previously—.

“Hey, but what's wrong with that?” He asked softly.

“What do you mean ‘what's wrong with that'? I'm supposed to understand everything that is on the documents, but I become slower because I have to verify and translate information that I don't understand because it is a more technical language.” The words were audible enough to him even though your face was still hidden.

“Do you realize English isn't your first language, right?” He tried to get you to look at him, but it didn't work. “Everyone in this work has difficulties when it comes to other languages. You don't have to feel bad because it's happening to you.”

“Does it happen to you?” Your shy eyes met his.

“Not really.” He answered with a hint of a cocky smile.

“See?”

“Well, I didn't say anything about me, you were the one who asked. Besides, I'm trying to be more sociable.” His comment made you chuckle slightly, but that chuckle became a laugh when you repeated what he said in your mind. “You are really funny, do you know that?”

“A-Am I?” The way you were looking at him, with a tired, yet cute, expression and a little smile, made his heart skip a beat.

“Yeah…”

“Well, I can also be of great help at work. Let me help you with the files.”

“It's not necessary.”

“It is. You need to rest, so let me get started while you go to the machine for something to eat. A little help never hurts.” He whispered, already taking the documents.

“Fine.”

A few minutes later you returned with an open package of cookies. You stopped for a moment, admiring the furrowed eyebrows of the genius boy who was reading the files with a lot of attention. Then you realized how fortunate you were for having coworkers like him. Or maybe was he himself the one who was so amazing that you would never get tired of working with him.

“Agent. Can I talk with you for a second?” Hotch's voice welcomed you the next morning.

Spencer's view followed your figure to the boss’ office and that didn't go unnoticed by his best friend.

“Pretty boy had fun yesterday?” Derek teased.

“What?”

“You know… Penelope said that last night Hotch wasn't the only one who left work late. You and our new colleague had a date at work?” His strong arm embraced the other's shoulders.

“N-No! I thought we were the only ones… No! Nothing happened!” Spencer struggled to say.

“Reid, can we talk?” Your voice made him turn around. He just hoped you weren't angry.

“What is it? Is everything alright?” He asked when both of you walked into an empty hallway.

“Actually, yes. Apparently Hotch received a request from the team's genius profiler to work with me on my paperwork days. So, you are having trouble concentrating on the files because of some headaches and need someone to work with?” As you spoke your tone of voice slowly reflected, with a mocking tone, that you knew perfectly well why Spencer had spoken to Hotch.

“Am… Yeah. Headaches are the worst.” He whispered looking to the floor.

“Thanks, Spence.” You said with sincere gratitude. Spencer looked at you again and felt a weight lift off his shoulders when he realized that you weren't mad at him.

“Sure. Whatever you need, I'm here for you… as coworkers, of course!” His voice got a little higher when he clarified immediately.

You were about to walk past him to return with the others, but then he spoke again. “Do you think maybe we can go and have coffee on a free day? I mean, I can help you with the words that are difficult for you. And, actually, I was thinking that I might need help with your language too. We can help each other, you know?” He gulped.

“Sure. A little help never hurts.” You smiled and walked away hiding a smile while Spencer was left alone, standing in the middle of the hallway, unable to believe that he had just asked you out. “Hotch is gonna kill me if he finds out…”

[sativaonsaturn]

moon sign lingo

how do the moons communicate their emotions? (also keep in mind this is affected by sun, mercury and mars as well)

aries moon: as you’d expect, direct and honest; true representation of mars’ energy. you’ll never have to guess how aries is feeling. i always tell ppl to reference the Greek god Ares, god of war. aries in this placement creates an impatient and excited energy, so whatever they’re feeling kinda needs to be acted on immediately. they’re not very big on time and place, but sometimes this can be to their advantage. this energy makes them great leaders and willingness to work things out as they are happening is a huge plus.

taurus moon: not very loud but blunt with their opinions. taurus wants you to know how they feel and that they’re unwavering in whatever that is. of course tend to be quite stubborn and have a fixed view of emotions as a whole. they are very sure about how the feel on any given topic. when it comes to discussing how they’re feeling, taurus has already decided their standpoint and nothing you say will change that. taurus brings a stable energy to moon and therefore they tend not to experience much of a flux in emotions unless afflicted or have a mercury w/ opposing energy (ex: scorpio or sagittarius mercury).

gemini moon: quite a logical placement (mercury), but is more patient with themselves than aquarius. don’t get me wrong, gemini still desperately wants to get through the emotions and onto the fun! if it’s something light, you won’t even have to ask what’s bothering them 😂 however, often when their emotions are too heavy, they might say that they’re numb or avoid answering a “how are you?” & when they do finally talk, the feelings tend come out raw and uncut all at once. regarding others’ feelings, gemini tends to go around the mushy parts and get straight to making you feel better, as they’re great friends.

cancer moon: very connected to their emotions. have a tendency to be moody and express their emotions quite freely. they definitely wear their hearts on their sleeves but also protective of their hearts. it’s really not hard to guess how they’re feeling even if they don’t say it. when cancer is upset, their body language and tone tell everything; even their mannerisms change w/ their feelings. ofc very affectionate and understanding ppl, one of the best moon signs to confide in.

libra moon: often in a very subtle way at first. libras like to keep balance as we know, so if they feel their emotions may rock the boat, they’re not likely to say much at all. they will sometimes overlook their own strong emotions if they deem them “unnecessary” or it’s simply the “wrong time”. may be people pleasers as well. tend to use laughter/ humor to cope and might seem like they’re not taking things seriously. sometimes we don’t hear how libra feels until they boil over, much like libra mars.

virgo moon: critical and intellectual beings. they understand the world and the people around them by putting things in boxes. virgo needs logic in order to make sense of things (mercury) and it only makes sense that they would do this with emotions. so when they express how they're feeling, it's quite direct and matter of fact. like other earth moons, they prefer to intellectualize their feelings before expressing them. hate to say this (cause everyone says it), but it's important that virgo ease up a bit and validate their own quirks/ feelings and in turn, they will also not be too critical of others. they really want to lead others to "the light" in a sense and that's okay! they just need to find the right balance between pure logic and raw emotion.

leo moon: leo’s emotions tend to pour out of them; you will always know how they feel. these moons can be particularly sensitive and protective of their egos. as much as i adore leo suns, leo in this placement have such a hard time developing emotionally. as leo is the 5th house (of pleasure) and therefore tend to be quite child-like in their approach with emotions as a whole. and undeveloped leo moons can make those around them feel like they’re walking on eggshells. i’d say that leo suns want to be loved, leo moons need it. if developed you may find an enthusiastic leader, but checks and balances are essential as they’re inclined to emotional decision making.

scorpio moon: super tactical and observant. these people are a vault that only they have the key to. scorpio is so profound when they sort through the emotions of themselves and others. however, it’s not often that you’ll hear everything that they’re feeling. scorpio waits til what they think is just the right moment and not a second before. the only placement that may change this is the mars; scorpio mars and moon may make someone only reveal their strong emotions during moments of anger. scorpio moons also read the room quite well so if you’re feeling down, they already know.

sagittarius moon: i actually did a separate post for this one because it’s such an interesting placement. sag is a flame that you simply cannot put out 😭 they feel everything in such extremes and they wake up on ready every day. they cry loudly from their hearts, scream from their bellies and laugh like they might never laugh again. there is never a question about how sag feels because they can’t wait to tell you. if they are inconvenienced or offended, you’ll hear about it until it’s fixed. they are of course very empathetic as well, they wanna make everyone feels good. my little brother has this placement and if i look even a little sad he won’t leave me alone until i smile.

capricorn moon: as saturn would have it, they’re like steel when it comes to emotions. saturn often brings hardships to learn lessons before achieving greatness. so many cap moons experience things that make them tougher, often making it hard for them to create space for their emotions. when they do express their feelings, it may come out in a way that seems robotic, if at all. capricorn struggles to be there for themselves, let alone allow others to. capricorn needs to first release the fear they hold surrounding their own emotions before expressing them.

aquarius moon: another very logical approach to emotions, especially their own. prefer not to discuss how they’re feeling (if at all) until they have gotten to the bottom of things. they’re the type to intellectualize their feelings, sometimes to a fault. if you happen to catch one in their process, you may hear a lot of “why do i feel like this?” also, if you ask aquarius how they’re feeling before they’re done processing, they are likely to tell you they’re fine or that they’re not feeling anything at all. very empathetic people though! just not in the same way as water signs; if they feel you deserve what you’re going through they will not feel bad 😂 they might even tell you that you deserve it!

pisces moon: truly representative of neptune's energy. pisces in general prefers to avoid uncomfortable situations and in this case: feelings. we often teeter between ignoring emotions as a whole and being engulfed by them. so when we do express our feelings, it's either very cryptic or a sort of word vomit. undeveloped pisces moons will often either put the emotions of others before their own or behave as if only their emotions matter/ exist. we also tend to be empaths in every sense of the word. personally, when my loved ones hurt I can literally feel it. also tend to have prophetic dreams and even know what someone will say before they say it. but keep in mind, this is only if pisces is evolved! otherwise pisces may be aimless and lost, not trusting in themselves and disconnected from virtually everything.

sativaonsaturn 🍃🪐