#and we have a lot more info on it and how reciprocal it was

[navree]

How do you think Augustus felt about Livia?

It's a bit hard to parse out how the man felt about anyone, just because he controlled his image so tightly that nobody ever publicly saw anything he didn't want them to see, save for some very rare exceptions (ex: Augustus is recorded as having become publicly emotional three times in his entire public life, and two out of those three were very likely deliberate performances meant to engender a specific response, though one of them was definitely just spontaneous emotion). And with the added caveat that trying to ascribe feelings to historical figures can be very tough because those involve private thoughts that we are just not historically privy to, especially during the Antiquity where we're just missing so many records, I think it's fair to say that there was some kind of love there.

There's a lot of misconceptions around their relationship because Augustus and Livia just have very negative public reputations (Augustus just due to the popularity of Antony and Cleopatra as a couple, which means that most stories of this time are about them, slotting him into the role of antagonist or even outright villain in contrast to them as protagonists; Livia due to the popularity of stories like I, Claudius, which painted her as a scheming manipulator and burgeoned outward from there) that sees them both as people who didn't care about anyone, let alone possibly each other, and were in this relationship purely for opportunism and power. That's not to say that they didn't care about the power or opportunities the match would have afforded both of them, they clearly did; I've never bought into the legend that Octavian fell in love with Livia at first sight because nothing I've read about the guy, Mr. "hasten slowly" himself, shows someone who made snap judgments without thought. Octavian had prestige from his relationship to Caesar, and his family was influential in their Roman suburb, but he didn't have the patrician family roots that Livia did, and marrying her would have given him additional prestige to really solidify power. For Livia's part, her family was on the downward spiral after having repeatedly been on the wrong side in recent wars (her father fought for Brutus and Cassius, her first husband routinely was opposed to Augustus not just at Philippi but also during Fulvia's War and my beloved Siege of Perusia as well as siding with Sextus Pompey when he opposed Octavian), and allying herself instead with someone who was shoring up massive amounts of power and influence in his own right would have been hugely beneficial for her and her children. There was absolutely a calculus that went into this relationship and in figuring out what both parties could bring to the table to make the marriage viable against some not great optics, like Livia already being pregnant by her first husband and Octavian getting ready to break his alliance to Sextus by divorcing Scribonia (literally on the day she gave birth to Julia, my man you couldn't have waited a day?).

But I don't think that means that there wasn't any feeling there. For one, again, there were some bad optics involved as well as changes in alliances, and Livia definitely needed Octavian more than he needed her; he could have absolutely found some other patrician woman to boost up his pedigree by association rather than one from a family that had constantly opposed him. I wouldn't be shocked if there had been some emotion behind choosing Livia specifically, that when they met (sources say she was personally introduced to him before they decided to get married, so they had at least one chance for rapport) they formed a connection of some kind and an appreciation for each other. We also know that Octavian, as he grew in power and especially once things steadied in Rome and he got his name changed to Augustus, still relied on her as a source of advice and listened to her as a counselor, in spite of her gender and the extreme patriarchal nature of Rome. Augustus, when it comes to Livia's role as an advisor to him, actually had Livia occupying a space very similar to the one he had originally occupied for Julius Caesar: not just being an advisor and a trusted someone at their side, but also someone you could ask to intercede for you with The Great Man either on your behalf or on the behalf of someone you cared about. That Augustus allowed this at all shows a care for her, because he was big on the rigid societal structures and propriety of Ancient Rome, what with all his family laws and his strong stance on morality. But I do think the strongest indicator of love between them, since I do believe there was a love between them, is in the fact that they stayed married.

Livia and Augustus were married for 51 years, from 39 BC until he died in AD 14. And it is honestly wild that, in all that time, they never got divorced. Divorce in Ancient Roman times was exceptionally easy. Literally all was required was that one of the parties move out of the house and that's it, you're considered divorced legally and religiously in all ways that mattered. That's why, when you read about these people, you see how often they're just getting divorced right and left at the slightest provocation, Augustus included, divorcing Claudia and Scribonia with relative ease. But not Livia, even though the marriage wasn't doing the one thing most political marriages really need to be doing: bringing in children. Livia and Augustus never had any children, and only ever one pregnancy, which ended in a stillbirth. Given that Augustus specifically really needed an acceptable heir, as he was trying to build a hereditary autocracy that relied on power being passed down from father to son, rather than the semi-democracy Rome had at the time, this is a big deal. We know that Augustus struggled with heirs, mostly because everyone he ever wanted as an heir kept dying before him (which has to suck, just on a personal level, given that a lot of these were family members that he'd been close to and viewed as his own children, sorry man), and he probably would have very much liked to have a natural son to prepare to succeed him, rather than bouncing around. And given how quickly it became apparent that his marriage to Livia was not going to give him any children at all, let alone any sons, he could have easily divorced her with just a few words and found someone else, especially after he cemented his power following Actium and patrician prestige was no longer as important as his own personal presence. But he didn't do that. For a man who always thought ahead and always made decisions based on how they would advance the goals he felt he needed to have, irregardless of personal feeling (the existence of the Second Triumvirate is basically proof that Augustus, very quickly in his political career, developed a habit of shunting his own personal feelings to the side for the sake of doing what needed to be done), choosing to stay in a marriage that wasn't really offering him anything beyond the companionship of a woman he loved is very weird. It speaks to the amount and the depth of feeling there, that he decided to remove political calculation and opportunism from his thought process and decide to stay in a marriage that wasn't necessarily advantageous, because he wanted to, because he cared about and loved the person he was married to.

All in all, I think he cared about her, probably did love her, and even if there was some opportunism in the match, it seems to have been a marriage between two people who enjoyed being together and liked each other.

[just-jordie-things]

fuck it, i love you - okkotsu yuuta

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ 10k follower event special! ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

word count: 11k warnings: none really. reader likes lemon oreos bcuz i projected onto this <3 summary: (y/n) and yuuta get to know each other better over the phone while he's on assignment in africa. feelings ensue. more info: long distance friends to lovers, yuuta got that romance dawg in him

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[ and you know everyone adores you // you can’t feel it and you’re tired // baby, wish that you would hold me or just say that you were mine // but it’s killing me slowly ]

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The first time he gets a call from her, Yuuta is a little perplexed before he answers the phone.  Of the few people he might’ve expected a phone call from, (y/n’s) was the last name he expected to see on his screen.  Nonetheless, he answered it right away.

“Hello?” 

“Hey, Okkotsu,” Her voice was so cheerful, he could’ve easily believed that she meant to call someone else.  But she’d said his name, so it couldn’t have been a mistake.  “How’s Morocco?”

“Morocco, is….” He trails off, fingers tapping a poor rhythm on the table in front of him.  Doing paperwork in a hotel room wasn’t ideal.  The desk provided was always small, and the chair always uncomfortable.  But it wasn’t like he had a lot to report anyways.  “It’s alright, I guess” 

“Alright, you guess?” She repeats curiously.  “Sounds like you’re bored already” 

“Bored-? N-no, no I’m not bored,” He stammered over his words, and (y/n) could be heard laughing through the line.  “I’m just, um, I’m trying to do a report right now” He said sheepishly.

Trying being the key word.  He’d practically given up ten minutes before he got her call anyways.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” (y/n) apologized right away.  “Am I keeping you? Should I go?” 

“N-no!” Yuuta squeaked, cringing at himself as he slumped back into his hair, covering his face with his hand as if there was anyone else around to hide his embarrassment from.  “No, you’re not keeping me, I… I have nothing for this report anyways” He explained.

“Really? Not goin’ so well?” She asked.

“Uh- it’s just- I don’t want to bore you with it,” He sighed.  “Anyways, what’s the call for? Isn’t it like…” He glances behind him at the analog clock on his bedside table, wincing when he sees how late it was.  “Three in the morning, your time?” 

“Actually, it’s only two forty-five,” She corrects with a clear smile in her tone.  “And aren’t I allowed to check in? You’ve been gone, for like, weeks” 

“Y-yeah, you’re allowed,” He mumbles back, face feeling hot.  “I just figured, y’know, you’re… busy” 

“Never too busy,” She half-jokes.  “So tell me all about it, boring parts and all” 

Yuuta’s brows pinch together, a small scoff leaving his throat.

“Really?” He’s unsure as to why she’d want to hear about the ins and outs of a trip that so far had proven to be pointless.  “You sure you want to hear about it?” 

“Course,” She hums back.  “Beats studying” 

So he complies.  There’s not much to tell, but he finds a way to walk her through what his day-to-day with Miguel was like.  Looking for more of the Black Rope.  She seemed to have some interest in the cursed tool, asking excitedly if it could stop the cursed techniques of even the strongest special grade sorcerers.

“Yeah, that’s kinda the point,” He chuckles.  “But it’s been slow.  I’m starting to think this is going to take longer than we thought…” 

(y/n’s) a good listener.  She lets him ramble on even when he’s not making sense, and continues to prod and ask more questions when she comes up with them.  He thinks maybe she’s just stalling to keep her from studying, but he figures there were countless other things she could’ve done to keep her occupied… right? 

It’s not until Yuuta notices the clock and remembers the time difference between them that he finally stops his rambling and suggests they end their call soon.

“Ah- it’s late, and I’m probably boring you now, too” He lets out a light hearted chuckle that she can’t help but reciprocate.

“I guess I should try to study just a little” She huffs.

Yuuta scoffs, a small smile on his face as he picks up his pen and stares at the half-finished report in front of him.  Maybe he’d been stalling, too.

“Or you could just go to bed, cram last minute tomorrow” He suggests.

She seems amused by that, and when she lets out a little laugh he thinks it’s the right choice, too.  The noise comes out lazily, full of sleepiness.  It’s obvious even through the phone.  Yuuta wonders if she’s hunched over her desk, ignoring the textbook and notes right in front of her.

“You’re pr’lly right,” She murmurs, her tiredness even more evident in her voice.  “I guess I’ll go to bed then” 

“Okay,” Yuuta drums the pen against his thigh in an erratic beat.  Something about saying goodnight makes him feel a little disappointed.  

Until now, he hadn’t realized that it had been weeks since he’d casually talked to a friend.  Toge texted plenty, and sometimes he heard from Panda and Maki, too.  But this felt… different.

“Well, goodnight-” 

“And Okkotsu?” She interrupts him without realizing, quickly apologizing before she continues her thought.  “You didn’t bore me, just for the record.  I think it’s neat that you get to be on such a special assignment.  I hope that it gets more exciting for you” 

He’s thankful that she didn’t opt to facetime him, because his face grows so warm he just knows he’s turned into a tomato.  And something about sitting in his lonely little hotel room and blushing over such a simple comment is downright embarrassing.

He laughs nervously, tugging at the collar of his shirt to relieve the heat on his neck.

“Uh, yeah, me too,” He stammered quietly.  “Thanks.  Good luck with studying” 

She hums.

“Goodnight, Okkotsu.  Thanks for keeping me company” 

The call ends there, and Yuuta smiles to himself as he sets his phone down and finds the energy to finish up his pointless report.

Talking with her had been nice.  Maybe they hadn’t become the closest of friends between him enrolling at Jujutsu Tech and being shipped off to Africa, but he thinks that could- and should- change.

He’d have to make more of an effort to get closer to her while he was away.

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When (y/n) calls again, it’s not so late this time.

Yuuta had just settled in the hotel lobby with his burrito for lunch, his only plan for the time being was to scroll aimlessly on his phone while he ate.  To his luck, just as he sat down on the stiff cushioned chair in the lobby, his phone rang.

“Okkotsu!” 

It had been a little over a week since their last call, and Yuuta had done his best to keep in touch with her since then.  A few photos of the wildlife native to the area that she seemed to enjoy, or a pretty sunrise here or there.  There were a lot of messages sent to her first thing in the morning, beautiful photos tagged with his complaints of being up so early.  It was the easiest time to use his phone, and he’d tried to make a habit of at least messaging her once a day.

To his delight, she always sent him a response.  It wasn’t always right away, with an eight hour time difference that was a steep ask, but she never failed to let him know that she saw his message and appreciated it somehow.  Whether it was an emoji reaction or a full text, she never left a text from him unanswered.  Strangely, Yuuta found this to be thoughtful of her.

“I’m cooking, can you believe it!?” She sounds excited, but the kind of excited that seems like something very wrong is about to happen.

“O-oh?” He stutters, chucking as he tucks his phone between his ear and shoulder so he could unwrap his burrito.  “What, are you not allowed, or something?” 

“Hush, I don’t let anyone tell me what to do,” She laughs at his comment, not realizing he wasn’t joking.  “I just haven’t cooked for myself properly since moving away from home.  The kitchen here is puny, though,” She mutters the last part.

The muffled sounds coming through the speaker sound as though she’s rummaging around the cabinets.  Yuuta tilts his phone away from his ear a little, the dishware clanking together more unpleasant than usual coming through a phone.

“But I thought it’d be nice to make a home cooked dinner.  I was going to make some for everyone, but I guess they already ate.  So it’s dinner for one tonight,” She explains.  Yuuta’s chest sinks with disappointment at the thought of missing quality time with his friends.  “Anyways, what’re you up to?” 

“Eating a burrito,” He replies dryly.  “What are you making? I’d much rather have that” 

“Don’t speak too soon, it’s been a while since I’ve been in a kitchen,” 

(y/n) laughs, and Yuuta does too.

“Just ramen,” She answers.  “Figured it’s best to start out simple.  Also figured I couldn’t set anything on fire” 

“Depends on how you look at it.  Setting something on fire while only cooking ramen might be an accomplishment, with how difficult it must be” 

He doesn’t mean to be funny, but (y/n’s) laughing again, and Yuuta smiles through a mouthful of burrito for saying something clever enough.  Pride swells in his chest the longer he hears her laughter turn to muted giggles while she’s pittering about the kitchen.

“You’re eating, should I let you go?” She asks once her laughter has calmed down.

“No, it’s alright,” Yuuta shakes his head even though he knows she can’t see.  “I’m bored anyways.  I was just going to sit here by myself and eat this burrito” 

She laughs again, lightly this time.

“Alright, then, want me to tell you about how hard Maki kicked my ass in training yesterday?” She offers.

He’d already had an inkling, recalling a harshly worded text from her followed by a photo of her left leg covered in blue and purple marks that were bound to grow dark soon.  He’d cringed when he’d seen it, giving the image a frowning emoji reaction before responding with, ‘Maki?’.  But he happily agrees to have her tell him the rest of the story behind the bruises.

He deems (y/n) and Maki to hold a far closer friendship than he did himself, so he knew that the next five minutes of ranting on her part is in good nature and she was only annoyed with losing, not necessarily with Maki herself.  That said, as someone who had dealt with the torture of training with her, Yuuta understood the feeling quite well.  He laughs when she talks about being thrown to the ground like a ragdoll, and he winces when she tells him about the absolute beatdown she’d taken.

It’s a gruesome retelling, even though at times she talks as if it was as casual a part of her day as brushing her teeth had been.  The life of a jujutsu sorcerer was always an unorthodox one.

“She didn’t even try to go easy on me, Okkotsu.  But, she did get me an ice cream sandwich with my ice pack, so she’s still my best friend, I guess” She’s only teasing, evident in the way she giggles.

“Yuuta” He says without thinking, having happened to swallow the last of his food and finally getting a chance to speak.

“Hm- what?” 

“You can just call me Yuuta” He clarifies, eyes darting around the lobby to be sure no one could see him blushing.  

His voice grows quieter as he suddenly feels bashful in the public setting.  None of the people passing in and out of the space pay him a second glance, and it doesn’t dawn on him that they might not even understand his language, but his body language says enough.  He’s tucked into the corner chair, hunched over and holding the phone as close to his face as possible so he wouldn’t have to raise his voice too much.  Not to mention, his face was turning a rosy shade of pink.

“Alright, Yuuta,” (y/n) muses, testing the waters to see how his name sounded.  It felt foreign, and it had the color in Yuuta’s face darkening even faster, but she seemed amused by the change.  “Ramen’s coming along pretty well, I think it’ll actually be edible!” 

She’s quick to move on from the semi-serious topic.  He’s relieved for this, and does his best to come across as casual as possible.  He asks her about the recipe, and she talks to him for a while about her process until the conversation somehow turns back on him and he’s updating her about Morocco.

Time passes so easily, Yuuta barely realizes that he’s been sitting in the lobby for an hour, not thinking about how she had finished her dinner and eaten it too.  (y/n) never mentions the time either, unknown to him, sitting on the counter in the common room’s kitchenette as she talks aimlessly about anything and everything she can think of.  Yuuta enjoys hearing about it all, the shenanigans that she’s been up to with Toge, the odd style of teaching that Gojo has, even just the simple things, like how yesterday it had rained.

There’s something magical about being on the phone with her, he realizes halfway into hearing about how she’d gone outside to help the worms back into the grass after the rainfall.  Not only does he lose time, but there’s not a dull moment.  Most of his days had become so bland and boring they’d started to blend together.  Besides the occasional sword training, he’d spent the majority of his time wandering about with Miguel.  It was starting to feel aimless, with every passing day that they came up empty handed.

Talking with her was everything but boring, never boring.  It finally felt like he had some company to get him through this assignment.  He hoped that this second call meant they could make more of a habit out of it.

“I should probably go so I can clean up the kitchen,” She sighs when she finally suggests getting off the phone.  It’s then, and only then, that Yuuta checks the time, quickly pulling his phone away to tap the screen before putting it up to his ear again.  “I think it’d be obnoxious for me to stay on the phone while I do the dishes” She adds with a chuckle.

His heart spikes at the idea of her wanting to keep talking, though.

“Y-yeah, that might be too loud,” He replies.  “But that’s okay, I should probably get some training in, or something, anyways” 

“Gotta keep up that Special Grade status,” (y/n) teases.  He’s grateful she can’t see him fluster every time she teases him, no matter how lighthearted it is.  He’s not sure why it sends him into a mini panic every time, but he hopes he gets a hang of himself soon, if they’re going to keep talking like this.  “Talk soon, though?” 

He’d really have to learn to get a hold of himself.  The short question has him beaming and nodding his head wildly, although the only people to see it are the hotel staff at the check-in desk who’d been peeking glances at the weird talkative boy on his phone for the last two hours.

Yuuta clears his throat before speaking, hoping to sound as normal as possible.

“Yeah, yeah we can talk again soon”

He’s not sure how well he does.

“Okay, cool,” The smile is evident in her tone, and in turn has Yuuta smiling too.  “Talk to you later then, Yuuta” 

Maybe he was just hopeless, but hearing his name again has him blushing and fidgeting in his seat.

“Bye, (y/n)” 

Even once the call has ended and his phone is sitting lifeless in his lap, with the rush of adrenaline Yuuta gets, one might think he’d just received the best news of his life.  Funnily enough, he hadn’t received much news at all- besides the fact that the worms on Jujutsu Tech Tokyo’s property were safe and accounted for after a life threatening sprinkle- so his giddiness was solely brought on by talking with her.

Slowly but surely, she was becoming his favorite person to talk to.

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[y/n]: need ur help, it’s urgent [y/n]: ok woah i should not have said it like that

[yuuta]: ??? are you ok???

[y/n]: need u to help me win a bet

[yuuta]: ._. [yuuta]: ok.

[y/n]: vanilla oreos suck, right? 

[yuuta]: this was urgent? 

[y/n]: panda said they’re his favorite flavor.

[yuuta]: oh god. [yuuta]: he needs a wellness check for sure.

[y/n]: THANK YOU  [y/n]: toge said his fav were the birthday cake ones but the vanilla weren’t bad. he’s still got the taste of a toddler, but at least they’re not his FAVORITE i mean cmon.  vanilla is just bad. [y/n]: i knew you’d understand me.

[yuuta]: ur right this was urgent.  i thought i knew them. [yuuta]: what are your favorite?

[y/n]: obviously i told them original.

[yuuta]: … implying they’re not actually your favorite? 

[y/n]: you’re asking very personal questions, yuuta

[yuuta]: lmfao [yuuta]: i’ll tell u mine if u tell me urs :)

[y/n]: u first i’m shy :)

[yuuta]: original are good.  but i like the toffee ones best 

[y/n]: interesting.

[yuuta]: so am i getting judged for my oreo preference, too? 

[y/n]: lol no.  ur safe.  for now ;)

[yuuta]: well we had a deal.  what’s ur fav?

[y/n]: … i like the lemon ones

[yuuta]: :o [yuuta]: don’t those come with a VANILLA cookie???

[y/n]: … [y/n]: maybe.

[yuuta]: ur ridiculous

[y/n]: but the lemon flavor makes it different.  it’s not PLAIN vanilla.

[yuuta]: can’t argue with u there

[y/n]: ya bcuz u wouldn’t dare :)

[yuuta]: no i wouldn’t :) 

[y/n]: mwahaha i have the big scary special grade afraid of me :)

[yuuta]: idk about big.  and the scary is all rika

[y/n]: does she have a take on the great oreo flavor debate? &lt;3

[yuuta]: … [yuuta]: she always preferred animal crackers.

[y/n]: &lt;;/3

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When Yuuta finally works up the courage to call her first, it’s been a couple weeks.

Which in hindsight, it feels like too much time has passed.  Even though they’ve been texting every single day nearly nonstop.  Yuuta had grown so attached to his phone it was almost becoming a problem.

Not that he’d admit it.

“Okkotsu Yuuta!” She picks up the phone with the same eagerness she’d held the last time she’d called him.  “To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

“I was bored, and was hoping you had something interesting going on,” He sighed, falling backwards on the perfectly made bed in his room.  Too perfect.  It was always annoying to tug the covers out of their tightly tucked corners to comfortably sleep at night.  “All I’ve been doing is train and I’m exhausted” He grumbles.

(y/n) hums through the speaker.

“Well if you’re that bored, I suppose I could tell you about a boy conflict of mine,” She suggests.

Just as Yuuta was starting to relax into the mattress, he felt his spine go stiff as a chill shot from his tailbone all the way up to his neck.  It feels like his entire body has been drenched in icy water, freezing him solid.

“It’s okay if that’s too… weird, though” He’s drawn back to reality by (y/n’s) nervous laugh, something he doesn’t hear all that often.  It’s strained and awkward, displaying every bit of anxious emotion that she felt.  

“It’s not weird,” Yuuta’s not usually very good at lying, people always have a way of seeing right through him.  He wonders if he’s only decent at telling this one because she’s not physically here.  She can’t see the way his face contorts as it tries to stay neutral, or how his fingers start to tap against the comforter beneath him.  “Boy conflict is… normal” He adds.

He’d meant that one, but she laughs anyway.

“I guess so,” She sighs through the speaker.  “But I’ve never really had any before.  Not like you get to meet a lot of people.  But… I guess I met someone..?”

Yuuta’s gut twists, and he wonders if he ate something bad with his lunch.  Maybe the chicken was undercooked? No, it seemed fine.  He probably just ate too fast.

“That feels less like conflict and more like interest” His jaw feels tight when he talks.  With his free hand, he rubs at it and tries to keep his teeth from clenching.

“Well, I am interested,” 

Distantly, Yuuta thinks he should swallow some tums before he goes to bed so this stomach ache won’t keep him up all night.

“At least, I think I am,” (y/n) sighs again.  “He’s not a sorcerer, I met him at a corner store I went to with Maki,” She explains.  “He was cute and all, I guess we had a moment over the energy drinks? It’s kind of a blur, I didn’t really pay attention until he was handing me his number and now I have this number and- I don’t know.  Is that weird?” 

Yuuta’s not really sure what to tell her.  He’s not really sure how he feels about it.  His gut tells him that yes, it is weird, and she shouldn’t be going out with some guy she met at a convenience store.  Anyone can walk into one of those, he thinks bitterly, his brow furrowed as he thought over her dilemma.

“Well, um, did he seem… nice?” 

The question comes out pathetic.  Yuuta’s smacking his hand over his face from how stupid he sounds, and feels.  

“Yeah, I guess” (y/n) answers anyways.

“Then I guess ball’s in your court?” The suggestion comes out more as a question than he means it to.  Yuuta thinks he wasn’t equipped for this, and maybe he should have told her it was a weird thing for them to talk about.

But he wouldn’t have meant that.  He would talk to her about anything, and he wanted her to feel the same.  He wanted her to talk about anything and everything she wanted.  Lord knows he’d take an interest in it. 

However the interest he has in this conversation isn’t quite like normal.  His curiosity is less genuine.  It feels like it’s lurching around in his mind, something disappointed yet irritable growing in it’s place.  He hates the feeling.  He hates feeling that way towards her.  Even if it wasn’t directed at her specifically.

“You’re right,” There’s more determination in her voice now.  “I should just text him, right?”

No, Yuuta’s jaw is clenched again, teeth grinding loudly.  He hopes she can’t hear it through the phone.  No, don’t let some stranger have your number.  He doesn’t deserve it like I do.

“Right!” His voice is louder than he means to, as if trying to overpower the jealous train of thought that runs through his mind.

He’s sitting upright on the bed in a second, still rigid and uncomfortable, but his anxiety makes him want to pace.  He needs to work off the awkward feeling in his chest somehow.

“Then I can see what he’s like,” (y/n) speaks as though she’s really telling herself what made the most sense.  Yuuta’s nodding wordlessly, his eyes fixated on a spot on the floor that’s growing more blurry by the second.  “And then if I like him… maybe we can go out or something” She mumbles the last part, clearly distracted.  

He wonders if she’s texting him now.  The idea of her reaching out to this random guy while she’s on the phone with him sends his heart plummeting to his already upset stomach.

Where were all of these nasty feelings coming from? 

“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea” Yuuta’s speaking, but it feels distant, he’s not exactly sure of what he’s saying.

“Alright.  I’ll text him later, then,” 

He’s relieved that she wasn’t doing it this very moment, but there was still an unsettling pit in his stomach knowing she was bound to reach out at some point.

“Thanks, Yuuta.  So, what’s been going on with you?” 

It takes a while of chatting and pacing the room before Yuuta feels like himself again.  He’s lucky there wasn’t a circle burned in the shape of his track in the tightly coiled carpeting of his room, certainly he would’ve had to call Gojo for a favor if he was billed for such damage.

Eventually the nasty feeling in his chest settles and he’s sitting in the bed again, the notebook he was drafting up today’s report on propped on his legs and his phone at his side, (y/n’s) voice on speaker as she tells him about the rest of her and Maki’s outing in the shopping district.

As it always does, time goes by too quickly, and soon enough she’s yawning through the speaker and telling him it was getting too late for her.

“But thanks for calling, Yuuta.  I was starting to think you didn’t know phones worked both ways” She teases softly.

Had she been waiting for him to call? 

“Yeah, anytime.  I just… you know the time difference… I don’t ever want to bother you” 

“You? Bother me?” She giggles.  “After you let me talk your ear off about a boy, I don’t think that’s what’s happening here,” She tells him.

The nasty feeling swells again.

“Besides, you could never bother me,” She adds, her tone much softer.  Almost sweet.  Yuuta can’t tell if his stomach is convulsing or doing flips.  “But call again sometime, m’kay?” 

“Okay,” He says, hopeful, and just as eager as he felt.  “G’night, (y/n)” 

“Bye Yuuta, goodnight!” 

His phone lights up with the low battery icon once the call is over.  He’s slow to plug the charger into it and leave it on his nightstand for the evening, his mind still mulling over everything she’d told him.  Or more so, how he’d felt taking in all that information.

He couldn’t have possibly been jealous, right? Not over some random guy.  Not because of her.  They were friends, after all.  Friends that didn’t even get that close until after he left.  In his time at Jujutsu Tech he’d only spoken to her a handful of times, and mostly in passing.  It wouldn’t feel right to have something like jealousy spark up now.  No, he was probably just worried for her, seeing as he couldn’t look out for her when he’s thousands of miles away.  Yeah, that was it.

It couldn’t have anything to do with the way he felt his world light up when she laughed.  Or that getting a text message from her in the sound effect that he’d picked out just for her contact had serotonin spiking in his brain.  

None of those things were connected at all.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The fourth time they talk on the phone, unfortunately, he has to hear about this guy again.

Yuuta’s not even sure he knows his name.  He thinks (y/n) must’ve mentioned it once or twice in their texts, but it’s never quite stuck, and honestly, Yuuta doesn’t want to ask.

Not that he cares- it wasn’t like that at all.  It had simply been too long for it to feel appropriate to ask.  He didn’t want her to think he didn’t listen, is all.

He’d called one evening when yet again he felt like putting off writing up his report.  It had almost become a habit to reach out to her as soon as he was stalling, or bored.  He didn’t have much to talk about, he never really did, but he had been eager to tell her about some new cuisine he’d tried that he’d thought she might like. 

There was a pesky thought in the back of his mind about her visiting him for a few days.  Only pesky due to how often it presented itself, even when he should’ve been focused on more pressing matters.  He knew it was bad when Miguel had taken notice and smacked him upside the head to get him to pay attention- on this earth, preferably, he’d said.

But he couldn’t help it.  The idea of having her here, for a few days or a few weeks, had become his go-to daydream.  He already knew everything he’d want to show her, the busy, colorful markets and the good food Yuuta hadn’t known existed until coming here.  To how pretty the beaches were at sunset, especially when the little hermit crabs would wake up and wander around the shore, he thinks she’d like that a lot.

Even just the idea of having her around to hang out with and chat about anything and nothing, just like how they do through their phones, had his chest buzzing with warmth and excitement.  Even though it was all in his head and logic told him she probably couldn’t make such a trip.  She had her own assignments and lessons after all, and technically he was supposed to be working.

Nonetheless, when he found himself getting bored, his mind drifted off to pretending she was there with him to keep him company.  Sometimes it even did the trick.

Tonight when he calls her, he’s kicking around the idea of bringing it up.  Maybe if she took it well enough he could reach out to Gojo about it, surely he had the social standing and the funds to let her visit.  His heart is thrumming in his chest just thinking about it, every ring of the dial tone putting him further on the edge of his seat.

It rings a total of five times before she finally answers.  It’s not all that late in Tokyo, just half past nine, but suddenly Yuuta worries that this wasn’t a good time to call.

“Hey,” He’s the first to speak, grinning from ear to ear when the line finally clicks and she’s answered the call.  “Is this a bad time?” 

“Uh, n-no,” She stutters back, voice quiet and a little raspier than usual.  Had she been sleeping? She speaks before he can double check if it was an okay time to talk.  “I’m not doing anything.  What’s up?” 

Yuuta can’t quite put his finger on it, but it certainly sounds like it’s a bad time.  Her voice is lacking it’s usual mirth, and she sounds like she’s purposefully trying not to raise her voice.  His smile begins to fall as his brain starts to stir with worry.

“Nothing, really.  Just… wanted to talk, I guess,” It feels a little embarrassing to admit, but for once, she’s not teasing him.  It’s strange, not hearing her softly poke fun at him when he’d clearly given her an opening to do so.  “What’re you doing?” 

“It’s almost ten here, I’m in bed” 

The words almost come out cold, a bitterness to them that Yuuta wasn’t used to.  If it weren’t for the crack in her voice, he might’ve thought she was upset with him.  But there’s a noticeable little hitch in the middle of her words that tells him it’s not annoyance he’s picking up on.

“Hey,” His voice is quiet as he sits on his bed, brows furrowing as he feels the mood shift even in a room thousands of miles away from hers.  “Is something wrong?” 

“No” Comes her instant answer, but it’s not remotely believable.  Her voice is so quiet and muffled it barely comes through the speaker, and shortly after he hears a shuffling that sounds like a heap of blankets being tossed around.

“C’mon, wanna talk about it?” He pressed again, dragging his finger over the crisp comforter on the bed to create misshapen invisible designs.  “What happened, (y/n)?” He asks again, voice softer than before.

The tiniest of sniffles could be heard, and his heart sinks at the idea of her sitting alone in bed and crying.  Whatever caused it he was sure he could find a way to solve it.  It wasn’t often that Yuuta felt cocky with his Special Grade status, but in this moment he was sure he was the most powerful person in the world, and if something had bothered her this much, he’d certainly be able to take care of it.

“It’s- it’s stupid,” The high pitch in the cracking of her voice was more evident the louder she spoke.  He’s worried she was going to leave it at that, maybe tell him to leave her alone or hang up altogether.  Then he hears a wobbly inhale before she’s whimpering through her words again.  “I’m so stupid, Yuuta, what was I thinking?”

His heart cracks with every word she speaks.  He’s not sure what put her in such pain, but he swears, he’s experiencing it too just knowing she was hurting.  He places his free hand over his chest to ease the hollow feeling that carves itself there.

“What d’ya mean? You’re not stupid, not remotely.  C’mon, y’know that,” He tries to keep his voice light and gentle, even though the growing put in his stomach had his throat closing up.  “What happened? Talk to me” He pleads softly.

(y/n) sniffles, before trying to even out her breathing again so she didn’t sound so pathetic when she talked.

“I don’t even want to tell you, it’s so stupid,” She admits.  “B-but everyone else is busy, o-or gone and I- I don’t want to cry about it anymore,” 

Had she been crying for a while? His heart seizes at the thought.

“Promise you won’t laugh at me?” She mumbles.  Yuuta nodded his head rapidly in response.

“Yeah, yeah of course I promise.  I won’t laugh at you” He tells her with grave sincerity.

She sighs, breath still shaky, but she does her best to talk through it.

In a wobbly, quiet voice, she tells him everything.  About how she had plans to meet up with convenience-store-guy that Yuuta still hadn’t caught the name of.  How she’d taken plenty of time to plan out her outfit and put herself together, how in the meantime he’d been nothing short of flirtatious and sweet, leading her to believe he’d been eager to go out with her.  She tells him how an hour before they were set to meet up a block away from campus, she’d stopped hearing from him altogether.  She laughs humorlessly as she explains she’d sent nearly ten messages asking where he was or if he needed to reschedule before she’d dropped it completely and walked herself back home.

“No text, no call.  Absolutely n-nothing,” She mutters bitterly.  “But I don’t g-get it, did I do something wr-wrong?” 

“Of course not,” Yuuta sighed, trying to release the tension of his building irritation so he could keep his focus on comforting her.  “He’s just… he’s stupid, okay? I don’t know what his deal is, but you dodged a bullet, for sure.  If that’s how he acts before a first date, imagine how terrible he would’ve been by the twentieth” 

Surprisingly, he’s not terrible when it comes to consoling her.  (y/n) hums tiredly in agreement.  It doesn’t necessarily take the pain away, but there is some relief in knowing it never would have worked out.

“Yeah,” She breathes out.  “But… I was excited, you know?” She mumbles.  “I’ve never been on a real date before, at least I don’t think I have, but I think I’d know,” She explains.  “I just… I thought I’d feel normal for a night.  I- I thought he liked me.  I kinda liked him, too.  But mostly I…” She trails off, and they both remain silent for a few beats, each processing their own mess of thoughts.  “I liked the idea of being liked, I guess.  Is that selfish?”

“Of course not,” Yuuta chuckles warmly.  “Everyone wants that.  It’s completely normal,” He says.  “Besides, it’s not like you were imagining things.  He did have an interest.  Who wouldn’t?” 

The last part comes out before he can realize what he’s actually saying, and his face grows hot with the insinuation of his words.  He’s stammering to fix it, which doesn’t help him much, but he tries.

“W-what I mean is that there will be plenty of other people who will meet you and fall for you completely and y-you’ll be swarmed with phone numbers and people who like you!” 

He doesn’t mean to raise his voice, but his nerves are starting to take over as the word vomit continues.  (y/n’s) quiet as she listens intently, and the longer she doesn’t speak up to stop him, the worse his rambling becomes.

“You’ll have to fight ‘em all off, you know? There’s so many people out there who haven’t been lucky enough to meet you yet, and when they do you’ll get to experience everything you want.  You know what?”

There’s a soft ‘what?’ from her end before he continues on his rant.

“It’s a good thing your first date wasn’t with that prick anyways.  It wouldn’t have been fair.  It wouldn’t have been right at all if your first date was boring or shitty or- or anything short of special and electric, okay?” 

(y/n) still doesn’t say anything, but she’s hanging onto every word he says, even when they’re rushed and he’s stumbling over them, all of her focus is on what he’s saying.

“Because you deserve it.  And anyone who is remotely worth your time will know that.  And they’ll- they’ll text you too much before you finally go out, because they’ll be nervous because you make them nervous because you’ll be so out of their league, you know?” He doesn’t even pause before continuing.  “And they’ll pick you up on time if not early because they’ll respect your time, and they’ll have flowers- the prettiest, most expensive bouquet they could find- right? A bouquet even Gojo couldn’t afford,” 

She lets out a watery laugh that has Yuuta easing up in his rambling, a warm feeling planting in his chest in the hopes she’d smiled, even just a little bit, even if it was through her tears, he’d provoked just a little bit of joy from her.

“And… and if you’re anything short of completely swept away, then you’ll call Maki and she’ll come get you so you don’t have to spend another second wasting your time with a loser that doesn’t deserve you” 

His chest is heaving a bit when he finally stops, not realizing he was losing his breath the longer he rambled on.  His face feels hot as he processes everything he’d just dumped on her, and he prays that it wasn’t as pathetic as he’s worrying it was.

There’s a few small sniffles before (y/n) speaks up.

“Well, if you were back home, I’d just call you,” She says softly.  Her voice doesn’t sound as strained as before, and Yuuta hopes it means she’d stopped crying.  “You really think I’ll be able to find all that?” 

“Yeah, ‘course I do,” He mumbles back, although his words hold absolute certainty.  “Not a doubt in my mind” 

She giggles, a real little laugh that he can almost see.  It’s short and sweet and it has him elated that he’d lightened her mood.  He’s not sure what exactly he did, but he’s grateful that the word vomit was beneficial for once.

“Thank you, Yuuta,” She murmurs.  “You’re right, and, I actually feel a little better,” 

His heart soars, and he’s smiling to himself again with pride and relief.

“I’m still going to watch Pride and Prejudice before bed, though.  I’d already committed to it and I can’t just go to sleep now” She tells him seriously.  Yuuta laughs, falling back on his bed as comfortably as he could with his feet still planted on the ground.

“I’ve never seen it,” He tells her.  “But don’t stay up too-” 

“Never?” She interrupts with a gasp of shock.  “Yuuta, that’s criminal” 

He chuckles again.  “Is it really?” 

“Yes, very much so,” She tells him.  “When you’re back we have to watch it, okay?” 

“Yeah, sure-” 

“No, promise” She demanded for the second time that night.

“I promise,” He repeats, smiling to himself as his gaze wanders the ceiling.  

He couldn’t help but think that if she were to visit him, they could spend a whole afternoon here in this room watching her movie, probably eating snacks and making a mess of the place as they got cozy for it.  This room had always remained perfectly tidy, so much so it was almost boring.  Having her in it would surely brighten it up and give it some life, he thinks.

“We’ll watch it as soon as I’m back” He tells her.

“Okay.  Good.  You were on thin ice for a second, you know” She murmurs sleepily.  He can hear her yawning.

“Was I?” He muses.  “Is that what it takes to get you to hang up on me?” 

“Are you suggesting I wouldn’t?” She quips back, and he’s glad that her teasing nature has come around again.

“I’m suggesting you never have before” Yuuta shrugs.  His fingers are pressed firmly against the back of his phone, keeping it close to his ear so he couldn’t miss the way she laughed at him.

“Yeah, well, maybe you’re just good company,” She hums.  “But it is late and I want to watch this movie, so I guess there’s a first for everything” 

His face is warm and he feels full, like he’d just eaten a good meal, despite him having skipped lunch in order to call her.  Yuuta smiles lazily at the blank ceiling as he hums back to her.

“Alright, enjoy your movie,” He says.  “But, uh, you can call me again.  Y’know, if you… need to.  Or want to” 

There’s a pause before she responds.

“Okay,” It comes out in a hushed whisper.  “Have a good rest of your day, Yuuta” 

The time difference has his lips pinching into a frown, but he quickly tries to hold onto the last few seconds of joy he has while talking to her.

“Goodnight, (y/n)”

The call ends, and he drops his phone to the mattress, letting it sit forgotten beside his head.  He stays put in his semi-comfortable position, still staring at the ceiling as his hands fall to his sides.  His chest felt tight, and his mind a little dazed as he replayed the call over and over in his mind.  The hurt he’d felt when she was hurting, the relief he’d felt when she was happy.  It was overwhelming, the way his own emotions were thrown through the wringer depending on hers.

His heart was hammering in his chest so hard, Yuuta knew he couldn’t deny his feelings any longer.

He was falling for her.  Fast, and hard.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

[yuuta]: [attachment]: one image [yuuta]: i think you’d like these little guys

[y/n]: :D a hermit crab!!! [y/n]: so cute! can’t believe ur holding it, i’d be scared of getting pinched

[yuuta]: i’m special grade, i’m not scared of anything :)

[y/n]: getting real comfy with throwing that title around, huh? you must think so low of me, a mere second grade.  i could never amount to the *mighty* okkotsu yuuta.

[yuuta]: lol shut up it’s just a crab

[y/n]: he is super cute.  his name is yuu now :)

[yuuta]: bcuz u miss me so much? :)

[y/n]: bcuz he’s small and feisty.  that little claw looks ready to attack :>

[yuuta]: ok i’ll admit he did pinch me once. [yuuta]: but in his defense i did pick him up and i am a big scary human

[y/n]: lmfao [y/n]: i thought we just established ur small and feisty

[yuuta]: i don’t think i like being called small 

[y/n]: tiny  [y/n]: smol [y/n]: just a baby

[yuuta]: are we still talking abt the crab?? 

[y/n]: and maybe a little cute [y/n]: if we’re still talking about similarities :) 

[yuuta]: cute???????

[y/n]: when u first came to jujutsu tech u were kinda like a hermit crab LMFAO [y/n]: i think if u had a shell u would’ve lived in it for WEEKS XD

[yuuta]: ._.

[y/n]: :)

[yuuta]: ur being a menace today [yuuta]: more than usual

[y/n]: it’s bcuz gojo’s lesson plan so far has been fighting the air :/ idk how he’s a teacher.  i’m definitely not learning anything [y/n]: except that i might be able to take him in a fight without cursed energy

[yuuta]: my money is on u :)  [yuuta]: but also i’ll be there with ice cream when u get ur ass kicked 

[y/n]: &lt;;/3[y/n]: that’s my broken heart[y/n]: you’ve broken my heart.

[yuuta]: lol [yuuta]: but there will be ice cream [yuuta]: <3

[y/n]: …  [y/n]: ok i might forgive u

[yuuta]: is it bcuz i’m cute  [yuuta]: :)) [yuuta]: ?? (y/n) ?? [yuuta]: :(( [yuuta]: don’t ghost me ik ur not paying attention in class

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The tenth phone call they have, (y/n’s) the one calling him.

It’s one in the morning his time, so he’s sound asleep on the mattress that still feels stiff after about three months of him sleeping on it.  Every day he longs more and more to go back home to his cozy room and his friends and her.  

When his ringtone blares, a pretty tune that’s suddenly the most obnoxious sound on the planet, he’s awake right away.  Jolting from his slumber and reaching around blindly in search of the device.  He nearly shoves everything on his bedside table right off, his arm swinging with too much force in his desperate attempt to pick up the phone.

Even once it’s in his hand, it takes him a second to steadily press the accept button, his vision blurry and sleep still threatening to take back over.  It takes him a few tries before he’s answering the call and laying the phone on his pillow next to his head.

“Hello?” He rasps out.

“Yuuta!” (y/n’s) all too cheery for one in the morning, but he distantly remembers it’s the early evening in Tokyo.  His eyes squeeze shut as he rubs at them tiredly.  “Yuuta! How could you not tell me the good news!?” 

She’s yelling, and even without his phone on speaker he hears her perfectly fine just having the device laying next to his head.  It’s a shock to his ears, his mind buzzing as it tries to wake him up to deal with the noise.  But he snuggles deeper into his pillow, rolling onto his side to press his face into the feathery plushness.

“-was gonna wait,” He mumbles sleepily.  “Y’know, ‘til I was awake, ‘nd it was a normal time” His words are followed by a low chuckle.  The pillow suddenly becomes the comfiest thing he’s ever touched, and even the stiff mattress becomes a little more inviting.

“Wait?” She repeats the word before gasping dramatically.  “Okkotsu Yuuta, I had to hear you were coming back from Toge!” 

He chuckles again at her antics.  He’s still exhausted, but his chest feels warm hearing the excitement in her voice.

“Do you know how long it took him to tell me? Hm? He did charades, Yuuta.  Charades!” The image has him laughing a little more, shoulders shaking just a little bit as he listens to her go on.  “I’m terrible at charades by the way.  The whole thing took, like, fifteen minutes.  I was pissed he couldn’t just write it down” 

“Toge’s jus’ like that” He mumbles.

“But you told him before me?” 

Yuuta’s not sure if the offense in her tone is fake or not.  To play it safe, he covers his tracks.

“No,” He sighs.  “Gojo pr’lly told him.  He only just told me before I went to bed” 

“And you didn’t even text,” (y/n) huffs, but he can hear the laugh she’s trying to hold back.  He smiles in relief knowing she was just sticking to her bit.  “Well you better actually text me as soon as you’re back!” She says threateningly.  “We have plans.  You promised” 

“How could I forget?” He hums, voice low and growing quieter as his body beckons him to fall back to sleep.

“Okay.  Good,” She says definitively.  “I guess I’ll let you go back to sleep.  Sorry for waking you up” 

He hums in amusement.

“Don’t be sorry for being so excited to see me you couldn’t contain it,” He teases quietly.  (y/n’s) silent on the other end of the line.  “And don’t be embarrassed, either” He adds.

“I’m not embarrassed!” She squeaks, making him chuckle some more.  Maybe he was just deprived of his sleep, but she was extra cute when he was the one doing the teasing.  “But I… I am excited to see you” 

He smiles into his pillow, sighing contentedly into it.

“I know sweetheart,” He mumbles.  “And ‘m excited to see you too” 

She’s failing to stifle a giggle through the speaker.

“Okay okay, you’re clearly wiped.  I’ll let you go,” She says.  “Goodnight, Yuuta” 

“Night, (y/n)” 

He’s asleep before she even ends the call, drawn back into rest by the suddenly comfortable bedding and the sweet echo of her laughter playing in his mind.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

(y/n) had been adamant about having their movie night the same night he gets back to Tokyo.  With the jet lag and the time difference keeping him awake against his wishes, she was sure that having a relaxed evening inside would be the best way to ease him back into being at home.

Yuuta, on the other hand, tried to make it clear that they didn’t have to rush into it.  His flight would land at eleven in the evening, and he was sure he wouldn’t even be back to campus before midnight.  While it might have felt like early afternoon to him, (y/n) would have already had a full day of lessons and training, and likely be exhausted by that time.

However she was stubborn.  It didn’t matter how much he tried to persuade her otherwise, she remained certain that she would stay awake long enough to greet him and have a simple, fun night set up for them.

And who was he to fight too hard against it anyways? The idea of her going through the trouble and wanting to stay up so late just to see him gave him energy for the whole day.  He was smiling through customs, bouncing his leg waiting to board, texting her as much as possible before he’d have to put his phone on airplane mode, and greeting every employee and flight attendant with so much delight it was infectious.  He’d even gotten an extra package of goldfish for his delightful friendliness.

He’s as quick as can be picking up his checked luggage and rushing out of the airport.  Anyone who saw might have thought he was late, but in actuality he was trying to be as early as possible.  He’d practically crashed into Ijichi, almost racing past him, but just as quickly recognition flashed in his eyes and he gave the manager a bone crushing hug, forgetting his strength.

The man was alarmed by the affection, awkwardly patting the boy’s back before stepping out of the embrace and nervously laughing.  He leads Yuuta out of the building and towards the sleek black car that’s waiting to take him home.  Yuuta’s positively buzzing the whole ride.  It’s obvious that Ijichi is tired, it’s almost the middle of the night after all, but he does find some amusement in Yuuta’s pure and unfiltered excitement.

However when the boy shouts for a pit stop at a local twenty-four hour grocery shop, the man almost drives the car right off the road, slamming on the brakes and pulling over roughly enough to wake him up completely.  If Yuuta notices the harsh driving maneuvers, he doesn’t say anything.  Simply grabbing his wallet and rushing inside the building.  Ijichi swears all these kids pumped full of muscles and adrenaline would be the death of him.

Yuuta comes back with a full paper bag and a grin, thanking the manager as they continue the drive home without a hitch.

He shouldn’t have the energy he does when they arrive, but Ijichi watches in shock as Yuuta easily carries all of his bags and the delicate groceries and breaks into a full sprint for the dorms, hollering one last thank you as he does.

He’s unceremonious as he drops his things in his room.  There is a certain comfort in being back in a space he can contently call his own, but the welcome home nap he was so eager to take in his own bed could wait.  He leaves his things and is swept away by his own two feet as he hurries down the hall.

There’s the faintest of light peeking out under only one door, all the others tightly shut and seemingly dark inside.  It was past midnight, and there were lessons first thing tomorrow morning.  He’s hesitant for only a second as he reaches the door, but adrenaline takes over again and he’s knocking as quietly as he can.

He can barely hear someone inside, although he doesn’t make out any real words.  Just to be safe, he knocks again.

“H’llo?” A tired voice calls back a little louder this time.

Yuuta’s hand is shaking when he reaches for the latch and slides the door open, just barely peeking inside.

He’d seen (y/n’s) room maybe once in passing, but he hadn’t taken a real glance, and definitely never stepped inside.  Now, he takes it all in with his face lit up in pure astonishment.

It’s decorated with string lights, soft and twinkling slowly here and there.  Just enough to give some ambience without it being overpowering.  Her small television is flickering with the title screen of her adored movie.  She’s curled up in a heap of blankets on the bed, and for a few seconds he thinks she’s asleep.  But her head tiredly lifts to see who her visitor was, and like a switch, she’s full of energy.

“Yuuta!” 

His name falls from her lips in soft awe, and she’s throwing her blankets back and sitting upright, shifting to get out of bed.  Yuuta’s beaming back at her, stepping into the room and turning to slide the door shut behind him.  The others would be quite annoyed if they were to be woken up at this hour.

She’s stumbling a bit towards him, her arms outstretched and her face in a lazy grin.  It takes no time at all for her to cross the room and throw her arms around him to hug him tightly.  Yuuta’s careful to hold his bag of goodies to the side so they don’t get crushed when he reciprocates the tight hug.

He hadn’t hugged her before he left for Africa.  He hadn’t hugged anyone, actually.  Just waved as he bid them goodbye.  Hugging her now feels like something he’d waited for for ages, and finally getting to hold her against him has his heart soaring.

“You’re finally home,” She’s smiling into his chest, and pulls away only so she can grin up at him, properly taking in his pretty eyes and longer hair.  She’s just about to comment on the change in style before she notices the bag in his hand, and focuses on it instead.  “Did you bring gifts?” She asks with a playful smirk.

“Uh- yeah, I mean, sorta,” He stammers, his face getting warmer than he would’ve liked as he opens the bag and glances inside, suddenly apprehensive about handing them to her.  “It’s not from Africa, but they are necessities,” He tells her.

(y/n) raises a brow curiously, before prompting him to show her what he brought.

Yuuta’s sheepish as he reaches in the bag and produces a family size package of lemon flavored oreos.  It seemed like a great idea when he’d picked them up, but now he feels anxiety twisting in stomach as he presents them to her.

“Lemon oreos!” (y/n’s) nothing short of delighted as she takes the package from his hands, already peeling back the plastic to snatch one and take a bite right away.  She hums as she finishes the cookie, her eyes twinkling with happiness as she seals the package again.  “You remembered, thank you.  We’ll definitely finish those tonight” She says with a laugh.

“Don’t worry, I brought my own snack, they’re all yours” He says softly.  She brightens even further at the prospect.

“You really know the way to a woman’s heart, Okkotsu” She teases.  

After months of getting teased over the phone, he finally gets to witness it first hand.  Her cheeks are pink and her eyes shift between his and other spots around the room bashfully.  He wonders if she was always so shy when she’d teased him before.

His smile softens as he reaches into the bag again, carefully holding the other gift as he pulls it from the bag.  (y/n’s) eyes widen and her lips part as she takes in the sight of the beautiful arrangement of flowers he was holding.  It was simple, a pretty bouquet of lilies, lily of the valley, to be specific, she recognized them as the same white flowers scattered around the courtyard.  Her eyes were locked on the bouquet as Yuuta picked around it a bit, making sure every flower was perfect and presentable.

“It’s not, uh, the most expensive bouquet in the world,” He mumbles anxiously once he deems the flowers pretty enough to hand to her.

She looks up at him as though silently asking if they were really for her, her surprise evident in the way she stared at him in soft surprise before she finally took the flowers.  Her movements are slow and so, so careful, not wanting to bend a single stem out of place.

“But, still, um,” With his hands free Yuuta begins to fiddle, scratching at the nape of his neck as he struggles to meet her gaze.  “Y’know, I just wanted to… give you flowers” 

A smile breaks out across her face as she leans close to them to take in a whiff, soothed by the gentle, clean scent that fills her nose.

“I love them,” She murmurs, still staring in awe at the pretty arrangement.  “Can I take a picture?” She asks, and he nods wordlessly.  He finally takes in a breath of air when she turns around to grab her phone from the bed, not having realized he’d been holding it since handing her the intimate gift.

What he doesn’t realize is she’s bounding back over to him with her phone in hand, the camera flipped around so she can take a selfie of her flowers with him very much in it.

“C’mon, smile!” She giggles as she turns her phone sideways, eyeing the image of him with his blushing face and wide eyes, obviously caught off guard.

She snaps the photo when he throws up a peace sign and gives the most relaxed smile he can, his eyes closed and his cheeks undeniably pink.  (y/n) admires it before tucking her phone back into her pocket and clutching the flowers close to her chest lovingly.

“Thank you so much,” She gives them one last affectionate glance before tucking them carefully into a jar on her desk- after she dumped all the pens in it onto her workspace without a second thought.  Yuuta almost laughed at how quickly she made the mess and left it in order for the bouquet to have a safe home.  Once she’s sure they’re safe and sound, she turns back to him again.

It’s funny how out of place he looks standing in her doorway.  Long legs and broad shoulders taking up more space in her room than she would’ve thought.  She’d almost forgotten how large Yuuta was.  Somehow, it made it funnier that he looked so lost.  Like he didn’t want to take a step, and didn’t know what to do with his hands.  She could tell he was trying his best to come across as comfortable as he could, but she could see the wince behind his smile, and his slowly shifting feet.  

He looks out of place now, but she likes having him here.  She likes that he smells like sandalwood, and something sweet like vanilla.  She likes that he’s still holding the paper bag that he’d brought her gift in, not wanting to drop it somewhere in her room like a piece of litter.  She likes that when their eyes meet he smiles, and crinkles form on his eyes that compliment his blushing face.

She likes everything about Yuuta, but right now, she likes that he was the first boy to ever bring her flowers most of all.

So despite her racing heart, she decides to tell him so.

“I’m glad you were the first guy to ever give me flowers” 

Yuuta’s smile drops slightly as his face softens with surprise, eyebrows raising higher when she steps even closer to him.

He’s holding his breath again when she leans onto the tips of her toes and pressing a quick kiss to his warm cheek.  The feeling of her lips brushing over his skin only makes it heat up more, and against his will he lets out a little gasp for air.  (y/n) giggles when she stands flat on her feet again, her nose slightly wrinkled at her amusement at how easily Yuuta flusters.

She’s starting to think to herself that she should test just how much she can fluster him while he’s here, when he’s suddenly the one taking her breath away.

He steps forward to close the distance between them again, dropping the paper bag so he can slide his hands under her jaw, tilting it upwards so he can lean down and kiss her with ease.  A gasp dies in the back of her throat just as his lips touch hers, the hesitation from her surprise only momentary.  

For a soft kiss, Yuuta radiates so much passion her knees feel weak, and her hands are firm as they press into his shoulders, desperate to keep herself upright.  Even his hands are gentle, their touch warm and featherlight against her face.

She longs to press impossibly closer and explore his every last dip and crevice, but for right now, everything is perfect.  His gentleness, his sweetness, him, she couldn’t have hoped for a more lovely first kiss.

Just as the kiss was, he pulls away slowly, forehead still touching hers.  A short sigh escapes him before his lips turn into a smile.  (y/n) watches as his mouth stretches and curls, her own face mirroring the expression, before her eyes flicker up to his to see he’s staring down at her.

“Sorry, I-” He shakes his head, trying to find just the right words to tell her how long he’d been thinking about doing that.  His mind is too foggy so he runs his mouth with abandon.  “I’ve just really wanted to do that” He murmurs.

(y/n) giggles, her face blooming with color at the blatant confession.  It had her heart going haywire even more after the kiss, and any hopes of being the one to fluster him goes out the window.  She’s putty in his hands and he must know it.

“Don’t be sorry,” She whispers back, shyly averting her gaze, not that it does her any favors, he’s still cradling her face and keeping her so close that it felt there was no shying away from him.  “I… I was hoping to talk to you, um, when you got back,” She says, the grin on her face betraying her as she tried to casually mention her feelings for him.  “About, y’know, hanging out more, ‘n stuff” 

Yuuta chuckles at her bashful nonchalance, nodding his head back at her with an excited gleam in his eyes.

“I’d like to hang out more and stuff,” He hums, dropping his hands from her face and nodding to where she’d set up the movie hours earlier.  “Should we start with watching your movie?” 

Excitement flashes in her eyes as she nods her head back at him, before taking his hand and tugging him over to the comfort of her bed.

“Settle in, your mind is about to be blown by literary perfection and cinematic masterpiece.  This is their love child” 

He chuckles, falling into the mattress with her and getting settled against the mountain of pillows at her headboard while she searches her blankets for the remote.  His chest is still vibrating with adrenaline, but as he sinks into a comfortable bed for the first time in months, he finds himself relaxing.

Despite his body feeling like it was the late afternoon, he feels as though he could go right to sleep.

It helps when (y/n) passes out first.  Her body slumps against his and she snores softly against his chest.  It’s such an amusing sight he can’t help but take a photo for her to wake up to in her messages.  He pauses the movie so that they can pick it up from where they left off tomorrow, and then settles deeper into the cozy bed.

The comfort he felt with every text received from her, every phone call to keep him company in the last few months of being away and being alone, it seems almost personified now.  Resting here beside her, simply sharing the same space, Yuuta feels the same wave of relief now.  He can’t help but smile to himself as he settles under the covers, being careful to not disturb her peaceful slumber.

He’s asleep in a matter of minutes.  The warmth of her body so close and the plush mattress working together to put his mind at such ease he didn’t even notice he was tired until he was closing his eyes and drifting off.

It was good to be home.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

[ fuck it, i love you // fuck it, i love you // fuck it, i love you // i really do ]

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

xoxo ~ jordie

a/n: gojo pays the international phone bills obviously so don't be commenting on it

[lunastrophe]

Hello! I'm back! You know Minthara's dialogue about her ex-girlfriend, that House Vandree priestess? I have some questions, and I was hoping for your speculation. Thanks!

Why was Minthara ordered to kill her?

How did she poison her? I thought all drow are trained to NOT get poisoned.

Did a lot of people know about it?

What was their relationship like? It sounded... unusually healthy for drow. Until the murder part, of course.

And any other info you might have. Have a lovely day!

Hello and welcome back! 😊I have several theories about that Vandree priestess and about what their relationship might be like, so I will start from question number 4:

🕷️First Lover - Minthara mentions that high priestess of House Vandree, "beautiful, elegant, ruthless", was her first lover.

We know next to nothing about her, but she was obviously several (at least four, possibly even more) decades older than Minthara. She had apparently not only finished her training, but also obtained the title of high priestess - it usually takes some time for a female drow to reach this level.

As for Minthara, she was probably in her twenties back then, either preparing to enroll into the Academy or starting her education there.

🕷️Power Dynamics - House Vandree was only a minor noble house and could not compare to Baenre.

Still, Minthara's lover was older and more experienced than her, and she was also a high priestess - so it is a bit hard to say who had the upper hand in this relationship and to what degree.

Also, a wild thought - maybe Minthara's lover was one of her instructors at the Academy?

Minthara says: I had been sharing her bed, not "she had been sharing my bed" - it can imply that it was Minthara who was visiting her lover's bedroom, not the other way around. Sounds a bit strange for proud Baenre - but... in Arach-Tinilith, novices share rooms with one or two others for the first several years - so inviting a lover is not really an option. Older priestesses and instructors, though, have single rooms...

Minthara apparently admired her lover and even "adored her." There might be even some affection involved from her part: I stayed with her while the poison did its work, and whispered words of comfort as she slipped away.

Was that admiration / affection / fondness (sincerely) reciprocated? Perhaps - or perhaps not...

🕷️ How many people knew? - it really depends. If Minthara's lover was also her instructor from the Academy, I suppose that they might at least try to be discreet. In other case, I doubt that they would have that many reasons to keep their liaison a secret.

🕷️ Why Was Minthara Ordered To Killed Her?

1) Maybe the priestess attracted Minthara's attention for a reason - to achieve something, to obtain information, to get closer to House Baenre, perhaps? In sourcebook, it is mentioned that House Vandree was not very successful and was seeking protection of House Baenre, but Matron Mother of House Baenre was not eager to offer them any.

Maybe Minthara was ordered to kill the priestess to send the message - "Vandree, remember that we are not that close".

2) Maybe Minthara's family - likely her mother - decided that young Minthara starts to like her lover a bit too much, and it is time to remind her how things work among drow.

Youthful adoration is one thing, but blooming affection? Any Lolth-worshipping drow mother would start to worry about her daughter's reputation at this point. And about her lover's possible ulterior motives.

3) Maybe it was simply a test, of sorts, to see how young Minthara handles assassination orders, as well as separating her personal life from her duties. And House Vandree was in no position to retaliate, considering their situation, which was a nice bonus.

🕷️ Drow Poisoned? - drow may gain resistance to some poisonous substances, especially to the more popular ones, but not to every single one of them. Some poisons are very rare or simply very expensive, and / or they are not widely used.

Also, some poison recipes are probably being kept a secret. I imagine that inventing a new poison recipe now and then is one of the most important duties of drow alchemists working for noble drow houses. Poisons designed for specific individuals may be also a thing.

[ysljoon]

konig is your roommate

wc: 995 warnings: none just fluff, quick mentions of crying, fem reader (not much metions of female characteristics) a/n: oh lord my first contribution to the cod fandom after consuming brainrot on here and tiktok for the past couple of months :3 i can def do a pt 2 to this with smut but i just wanted to dip my toes in first and see if anybody even likes this lmao MINORS DNI (have your age in your bio or you're getting blocked)

How you ended up with a man in his mid 30s that’s retired from the military as a roommate is beyond you

You were a broke teacher living paycheck to paycheck and you needed to find a way to conserve costs

You posted a Craigslist posting (definitely not shady at all) looking for a roommate and he messaged you within the first hour of you posting to see if he could check the place out!

It was mildly jarring seeing a 6’10 man in a black surgical mask show up ringing your doorbell. You couldn’t even see above his chest when you looked through the peephole 

He was so quiet when you first tried to spark up a conversation with him that you thought he hated your apartment and maybe even you…

Before he even finished his tour of the apartment he took out an envelope of cash from his pocket that had enough to cover the first three months of rent :0

He moved in all of his belongings the following week while texting you a few times leading up to his move in date just confirming what time he’ll be showing up and if you’re still okay with the agreement

He was equally dry over text as he was in person it was a hard obstacle to jump over to get him to open up with you

The first time he actually started a conversation with you was when he saw you diligently working in the living room on a lesson plan for the upcoming week

At first he just sat down on the couch silently from you just watching you and this didn’t bother you as you’ve come to learn that he is more of an observer than a talker

“Um…what are you working on?” 

Your head shot up and a smile spread on your face this was the first time Konig has expressed any interest in your career

“I’m cutting out flashcards I made for the kids so they can match the words to the pictures! I just procrastinated a little bit so I’m doing it all now.” You chuckled and he hummed in acknowledgement 

After that conversation the interactions over the months got a lot more comfortable 

So here we are now (it’s been about 5 months) and you and Konig are having your weekly movie and pizza night

You let Konig pick the movie this week and you were quite surprised that he chose ‘Inside Out’

Seeing such a large man engrossed in such a cute animated movie made your cheeks hurt with how it made you smile

He was quite surprised when he turned around and saw tears running down your cheeks after watching the scene of Bing Bong die

His eyes widened and without thinking he scooped you up into a hug while you let out all the sad feelings from the characters sacrifice

“Gosh Konig I’m so sorry! That was really silly. I shouldn't be crying so hard over a kid’s movie.”

You looked up at him and your eyes met with his cerulean ones. They had such a tender look to them and it made you and the room feel a lot hotter than what you remember 

With a haste Konig pulled down his mask and placed a chaste kiss on your cheek 

Needless to say you guys just stared at each other like this: :000 for about a minute before either of you said anything

You were the first one to speak up

“Konig, that was the cutest thing you’ve ever done.”

He just blushed and broke the eye contact and coughed to try and clear his throat

“I, u-um I wanted to do that for a while actually.”

Hearing him say this made you giggle and to reciprocate the feelings  you’ve also been holding on to you placed a peck onto his forehead.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while too so now we’re even! The ball’s in your court now Konig, do with that info what you will.”

You pranced off into your room and giggled while Konig was stuck on the couch just absolutely stunned as to what happened.

The next day you wake up and see a note that was slipped under your door. You open it up and it brings a warm smile to your face

‘Dinner at my place tonight! Wear something nice ;)’ You giggled knowing that Konig wasn’t the biggest fan of being in crowded places so a dinner at home was a perfect plan

You noticed Konig wasn’t home so you decided to go to the grocery store really quick and pick up two bottles of white wine for the night

Once you were back at the house you heard Konig was in the shower so you decided to go take a shower yourself and get yourself ready.

You decided to go the full nine yards and put on a red velvet mini dress and do your hair 

When you stepped out you saw Konig already at the stove getting dinner ready. You snuck up behind him and wrapped your arms around his waist 

“Whatcha cookin’?” Your voice was muffled into his back and you felt the vibrations of his chuckle

“It's a surprise schatz so go sit in the living room till I’m done”

“What’s a schatz?” All he did was laugh at your response and usher you out the kitchen

You sat in the living room with a pout on your face until you heard Konig call your name to let you come back into the kitchen

Your mouth watered seeing the chicken parmesan dished out and two poured out glasses of wine

“Oh Konig, this is great!” You stood on your tippy toes to give him a kiss of gratefulness

“Careful Y/N if you keep kissing me like that we’ll never get to dinner…” The sound of his voice was deep and a bit gruff

“And is that really a problem?”

[lundenloves]

welcome to my projection.

i write sometimes. it’s primarily just to pass the time instead of moping around my room like a lazy bastard but hey-ho, some people seem to gravitate towards the nonsense i write. british comedies by the looks of it *hitting my chest with pride* humour me or i’ll fall into another spiral ‼️

all works listed are owned by me unless stated otherwise, do not copy or use any of my material as your own. minors do not interact. also take note that everything i write is fictional.

→ request info | taglist

→ couples counselling one 1.4k | two 2.4k | f!oc | angst, mentions of sex although nothing explicit

[ aleta and javier peña have been married for ten years, only now do they realise love isn’t reciprocated between them anymore. ]

→ home comforts req | 1k | gn!reader

[ you're struggling to cope after the DEA. fortunately, your partner is there to help you. even with awful jokes. ]

→ dad!simon masterlist

[ where you’ll find your favourite big broody man turning a page in this fatherhood bollocks. a journey. you may even get emotional but don't blame me. thanks. ]

→ ¹ when it rains, it pours smut 6.3k | f!oc

[ after relentless drunken encouragement from 141, simon riley decides to take a girl home whom he's caught eyes with a few too many times. what he doesn't expect however, are the unknown feelings in his chest after her simple acts of affection and pleasure he was always deprived of. ]

→ ² pouring through rainfall part two of the above | 3.4k

[ thea and simon meet again, their year told through seasons and summarised to the ending we all wanted. ]

→ therapy session 2.5k

[ mandatory therapy at base as set by price. simon is not for it, uncooperative mf with glares and the lot featuring a price cameo omg ]

→ johnny's scene 1.3k

[ simon refuses to come to terms with soap’s death and it eats at him. his grief follows him into the house and you’re growing tired of it, ultimately resulting in a fuck off argument. explosions totally happen. or not. ]

→ general headcannons

[ late night thoughts, thrown together with zero process ]

LONG DRABBLES ↓

→ simon hates photos | 500 words

→ pregnant with his third child | 700 words

→ that’ll do, johnny req | 1.1k | gn!reader

[ your soulmate, johnny mactavish. that’s it. that’s the ficlet. ]

→ price teaches you how to smoke req | 700 wc | gn!reader

[ praise, price and cigars, what more could you want? ]

COMFORTABLY NUMB (dr!price au)

〔 you’re slotted right into the service of doctor john price, an elite head of division and self titled marmite character — you either love him or hate him. you personally can’t quite decide, but he knows for certain that you’re not for him. what will you do after being forced to learn under his wing? 〕

→ ¹ welcome to the nhs 3.1k | check warnings

→ first hc

DAMON ALBARN

→ platforms 120k | f!oc | 18+ | complete fic ✓

[ “I’ll show you where things are, and then you can shut up and put your head down. You work for me now.” His accent was sharp.

"I work for money, not for you." In which Amelia's already testing Monday morning is ruined even further by a certain irate man. The two automatically don't get along and soon become sick at the thought of each other. What happens when Amelia finds herself working for the enemy? ]

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for telling my guy friends I'am a lesbian?

I (29 F, cis, probably bi? A bit ace, definitely like women more) came out around 9 years ago and have mostly dated women. I’ve had a few makeouts with guys, and slept with one guy, but I am still on the fence about my sexuality overall. I like referring to myself as a “bi lesbian, because the lesbian flag is prettier”.

A few years ago, I was in game design school, and was the only girl in my class. The guys were nice, but I still felt a bit othered. I also was paying a lot of attention to how I dressed, and was very feminine. Then one day I talked about my girlfriend, and their attitudes shifted. I started shaking hands in the morning instead of cheek kisses (we’re french), wearing jeans and sweaters, and I became “one of the guys”. People generally assumed I was a lesbian and I wouldn’t really correct it unless it came up. A friend of mine even openly came out, saying I gave him the confidence to do so because of how open I was about my sexuality, and it was just a really nice vibe for the remainder of my time there.

Ever since then, I’ve started being vague about my sexuality, just saying “I’m gay” or “I’m queer”, or “I like girls” when asked, when interacting with guys I wanted to be friends with, or, and that’s, I think, the biggest assholery there, guys that I think were likely to develop a crush on me or try their chances, but I wasn’t interested. If I felt like a friend was becoming too chummy, I’d find the opportunity to be like “oh yeah I’m a lesbian”.

This happened with my current group of friends. There’s one guy I get along with super well, and he’s awesome, one of my best friends, but I felt that he was treating me a bit differently and feared he’d develop feelings for me, so I really hammered in the fact that I was “a lesbian”.

Today, he asked to talk to me in private, and he confessed his feelings for me. He said he would regret it if he didn’t say anything, and that he values our friendship a lot and doesn’t want things to change between us, but he needed to get it off his chest. I thanked him, and turned him down gently, being like “obviously I can’t reciprocate because I’m a lesbian…” but also pointing out that there were other factors that influenced it (distance, culture, general outlook on life and certain political issues, religion…) but it was a very fruitful conversation, and we ended up chatting about stuff and reiterating how much our friendship counted for us, and how much we liked spending time together as friends.

I would like to say I feel guilty, but the truth is I don’t… It feels easier for me to say I’m a lesbian, and give me a way out of these conversations. I feel like if I went in depth into my feelings towards my sexuality, I’d give some of my friends false hopes that they might have a chance with me and ruin the vibe of our friend group.

Should I come clean? Or is it ok to try to protect myself in this manner?

What are these acronyms?

[theorahsart]

Would you happen to be able to compile a list of all the evidence/mentioned traits you know of that point towards Robespierre having autism, possibly with some sources of said evidence? You have my deepest gratitude if you do happen to be so kind as to take the time to answer this ask.

Hello! I'm sorry for taking a while to answer this- it of course was the kind of ask that requires some time to write! I'm gonna break it up into two posts, I hope that's okay. I'll just @ you when I do the next part.

I feel like I should start with saying that I'm not an expert in history (feel like I have loads to learn tbh). But I am an expert in autism, as I'm autistic, and know the topic thoroughly from cultural/social/medical perspectives- several of my educational comics are used in training programs by doctors and diagnoticians. So, you can trust everything I say about autism in this post.

You probably can't trust everything I say about Robespierre though lol. Compared to some actual historians I've talked to here, I haven't developed the skills of being able to discern when the info I get in books can be fully trusted, and the more I study Frev the more evident it is that just because I've read smth in a book, doesn't mean it can be trusted as fact haha. I've read 3 different posts from different historians in the last year that've debunked several 'facts' presented to me in published books loool

But anyway! I still personally think Robespierre was autistic, and I'll lay out why in the 2nd post.

I think it would take me more free time than I have to list *all* the evidence I've come across, so it seems best to break down how you diagnose autism in modern day, and then put that in context to some examples.

So this first part is just explaining *one way* in which medical professionals break down autism and the traits. Then in the next post I'll explain how I've applied those to Robespierre specifically.

How we think about and diagnose autism from modern day pov

I wanna start by breaking down how diagnoticians think about Autism specifically.

Autism doesn't encompass a specific set of traits that every single person must have in order to be diagnosed, because autistic traits vary so much from person to person.

Instead, you break down a diagnosis into different areas of life in which someone might be struggling. How this is broken down can vary a little between tests, but it's generally split into these areas:

Social

Social reciprocity (how sociable you are with others)

Non verbal comminication

Verbal communication

Maintaining relationships

Restrictive and Repetitive behaviour

Repetitive speech or movements (basically stimming)

Routines and change

Highly fixed/intense interests

Hyper or hypo reaction to sensory input

And then basically, if enough of these areas are having a significant impact on your life, you're dx'd as Autistic.

You can see when broken down in this way, that:

You can be doing fine in some of these areas, but still be dx'd if there's a lot of other areas listed you're struggling in.

A NT person will likely have some sort of trouble in one or two of the listed areas (because we all have strengths and weaknesses). That doesn't mean they're autistic.

An autism dx is concluded from two things- if you struggle in more of these areas than less. And if those struggles are significantly impacting your life.

Just to note, I'm only talking from a diagnosis pov here, which is wrapped up in cultural contexts and the reasons we decided to give this way of being a label. Theres lots of traits we can also break down that aren't based around what you find difficult.

You could be autistic and go your whole life not knowing or needing a diagnosis, if say, you lived a lifestyle where you could avoid people and situations that are making you suffer. Your autism might make you excel in life, depending on your life.

But just esp in modern day, many of us dont have that luxury.

I'm using this type of dx in the context of Robespierre because I believe he did have difficulties that impacted his life and career, and it's significant to me to compare his behaviour and health to other politicians working in the same stressful circumstances.

But yeah I'll write this in a second post. Thanks for your patience!! 🙏

[wexhappyxfew]

folklore or whatnot

(a/n): for a month or two now, i've had three to four pages where i have blurb ideas just sitting in my drafts with no home or no direction, so now i've decided to utilize those pieces and do a little something with them for the silver bullets girls! AND! can happily say this snippet that i started with gets to see the light of day! early annie x brady mentions for anyone interested (i know we have the annie x brady girlies out there hehe), along with more of co-pilot francis montez (whom i wanted to do more writing for!), so please enjoy!! <3 note: LOTS more info regarding cpt birdie faulkner!! woo!

It had actually been Francis Montez that convinced her that she deserved to head out to the local pub that a good portion of the men from the 100th went on nights where they didn't have to stay on base.

Annie had considered the fact that Francis was actually coming around in more ways than one; after Annie's first successful mission aboard Silver Bullets, commanding their crew, from take-off, dropping the bombs and landing, Francis had turned to her in the cockpit and given her a firm look, with a smile itching at the corner of her lips. And ever since, Francis seemed to be making a more conscious effort to be around Annie. Whether it was because Francis was missing Captain Faulkner or was recognizing Annie's capabilities to command a flying fort, Annie appreciated it in more ways than one.

So, when Francis had come up to her mid-afternoon, as they were all stood around after a practice run, she had off-handedly mentioned the pub, and offered Annie to come along with them, "You don't realize how much you need something like that until you're there." Francis had promised. A majority of the girls were dispersed throughout the pub for the most part, huddled around tables with other men from the 100th or at dart boards, or taking a smoke break outside. It seemed everyone had their spots and positions and it was only Annie who felt out of place.

A replacement command pilot was enough of a set of shoes to fill, not even to mention what the reciprocation would ultimately be like.

"You want a beer?" Francis asked her as they stood side by side in the entrance. Annie felt a bit bad - Francis was clearly comfortable and used to this environment and Annie was holding her back a bit. Annie looked up at her co-pilot and nodded firmly, hiding the bit of hesitancy that was for sure living in her eyes.

"Sure." Francis nodded her head towards the bar.

"They're usually warm so…" Francis started, glancing her way with a small smile, "don't feel bad if it tastes a little funky." Annie watched as Francis got two beers and then pushed the warm mug into her grasp.

The thing was, it wasn't the warm beer or the atmosphere or even the people - it was the thought of alcohol in her system. She never had really had a problem until she had joined up and wondered if she'd become like her mother. Drunk as a skunk on any chance she had, downing beer and cheap liquor while her 15-year-old daughter ran the house. Annie swallowed nervously looking at the beer and glanced back up at Francis, who was staring at her confusedly (and with good reason).

"You good, Bradshaw?"

"Fine." Annie answered quickly, pulling the mug up to take a small sip, which did taste a little funky, "Where do you usually sit?" Francis quirked out a smile and nodded over to a table where she could see enough names to know it was certainly an officer-heavy section.

"Birdie and I….." Francis started, the 'I' getting caught in her throat a bit, "we always sat with them. As officers, ya know? Buck always saved us seats." Annie watched her quietly.

"Past few times though…."

"Yeah." Annie offered, noticing the sudden emotion warping Francis' eyes, "Let's go, let's have a sit." Francis nodded to her slowly, before turning and leading the way.

Annie watched the back of Francis' head, her dark hair down and curled, as she expertly navigated the tables and people in the crowd all around. It was very natural for her all of this - while Annie felt more stiff-backed than she ever had. She was trying to get better with that.

But, ever since maintaining the control of Command Pilot, everything she did felt monumental as in, if she fucked up, it would reflect on her crew. If she said something on the wrong end of a note, it'd fall back on, you guessed it, her crew. Her girls. And she didn't want others thinking of Silver Bullets badly, nor the possible swirling idea that Lieutenant Bradshaw couldn't lead like Captain Faulkner could - that losing Captain Faulkner was the worst thing to happen, but clearly obtaining Lieutenant Bradshaw had been worse. No. Annie was determined to make her impressions and personally, she wanted to make them worthwhile.

She was command pilot for Silver Bullets for a reason.

Clearly someone trusted her.

"Boys." Francis said as she approached, rounding on the group, as Annie's eyes quickly darted about the table, picking up the likes of Majors like Cleven and Egan, along with navigators Crosby and Payne (he went by Bubbles though, she was sure Bessie had mentioned that). Kidd was also there, with Brady and DeMarco and a few others where her mind was going blank. A few British pilots sat opposite, evidently quite, almost brooding. Annie looked to Francis again, watching as a few of the men called out to her, before looking to Annie who was still stood, frozen, with a mug of warm beer in her grasp.

"Francis Montez, you actually made it out, huh!" one of the Lieutenants called from beside Cleven - the name was gone from her mind as she watched him clap Cleven on the back before standing and reaching out a hand, to shake Francis' before the two turned and he was bounding towards Annie.

"Hey, Lieutenant, uh…."

"Bradshaw." Annie said quickly, keeping her eyes on the man watching as he smiled at her, eyes lingering from the British, to the man to her, coming around the table and wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

"Bradshaw, I don't think we've met, Curt Biddick, it's a pleasure to see you here tonight, 'specially mingling with a few guys like us, huh?" Annie saw Brady roll his eyes, as Biddick let out a chuckle, "I'm just joking with youse, I swear. Look, I'll buy you a drink-"

"Curt, do you really gotta do shit like that?" Francis said, pulling him from beside her, and bumping his shoulder, "Instead of a drink, how 'bout you offer her a seat, huh?"

"I think that's a great idea," Major Cleven offered as he stood from his, nodding to his spot between where Biddick had been and Major Egan who looked up at her with a wide grin, "Have a seat, Bradshaw." Annie looked to Major Cleven and nodded slowly to him.

"Thank you, sir." she said, stepping forward and settling herself into the seat, Cleven turning and grabbing another chair to pull up on her other side as DeMarco pulled in a chair for Francis and she settled between him and Major Egan. With almost the comfort of the men of the 100th around her, looking forward and seeing the British still watching her, quiet and contemplating, she felt slightly out of place under their stares. But, she was here for a reason, among ranking officers in the American Air Force.

"So," one of the British pilots - RAF possibly, RAF definitely - said leaning forward, care to introduce us to your new friend." The group sort of went…quiet if that was the word for it, "What happened to the other one? Too much to handle? Flying in broad daylight, huh?" Annie noticed Major Egan leaning back in his chair, looking ready to pounce himself across the table, and took it as her opportunity to intervene before someone said something they'd regret.

"1st Lieutenant Annie Bradshaw of the 100th. I'm Command Pilot for Silver Bullets, B-17. 418th." Annie said with a nod, "Captain Faulkner died on impact on a mission a month ago. I got the call and was beyond honored to fill those shoes." Looking at the British as she finished speaking, she reveled in the silence and sipped at her beer and then placed it back down on the damp wood of the table.

"So, no, not at all too much to handle," Annie said, tapping her fingers on the glass and offering a smile, "I just have the intention to do what I can for the bombing crew now and show I deserve to be here. Just like the rest of us. With a greater focus on the cause; winning the war."

"We all have our call to arms that we're answering to," Francis offered in, leaning forward against the table, "and people die every, damn, day, so I would offer you to reconsider any other thoughts towards Lieutenant Bradshaw while you sit here, okay?" The group fell into silence for a moment, as Annie looked to Francis who offered her a smirk and a wink.

Leave it to the co-pilot to have the command pilot's back; Annie made a mental note in her brain for that one.

"She's one of the best. Seen her fly myself." Brady supplied in the silence that had festered, and the whole table, Annie included looked towards him and he sent his eyes flickering around and offered her a nod. People started looking away and at each other, but she held Brady's gaze and offered a small smile in his direction. He didn't look away.

Brady's gaze was intense to say the least, but there was something in her to where she couldn't look away - offering up his own compliments in her own favor because the British had a bone to pick? She could feel the tops of her cheeks turning crimson and focused back on the beer in her grasp, attempting to forget about Brady's gaze that was evidently still on her.

"Silver Bullets, what a charming name," one of the British on the left said, "and that means….?"

"A single, tactile thing that can essentially be a game-changer, changes tides, send waves," Annie supplied quickly, looking up from her beer in record time, " I never got to meet Captain Faulkner but Lieutenant Carlisle told me that Faulkner named the fort herself. Folklore or whatnot."

"Basically means that the more you stop asking stupid questions, the more you won't have to dig yourself into a deeper hole, 'lright?" Major Egan said leaning forward, "Now, how about you all and your British manners give some respect to the lady, okay?"

"Bucky-" DeMarco started, but Major Egan held up a hand.

"Nah, nah, nah, I'm not done yet," Major Egan said and pointed a finger at her, "Lieutenant Bradshaw stood up to the challenge and took it like taking a bull by the horns, what the hell is your prob-"

"Gentlemen," Crosby said intervening, turning to the British pilots, "it's a pleasure really, but Lieutenant Bradshaw has fortified herself as an incredibly pivotal command pilot in the 100th. I mean, if you really need a visual for…such poor eyesight…feel free to come to Thorpe Abbotts any day of the week and she could probably rattle off a tour of Silver Bullets herself and fly you to France and back without breaking a sweat."

"Yeah, yeah, Crosby, thank you, yeah," Bucky said, leaning forward, "if you really thinking taking a few jabs at one of our command pilots I think-"

"I've never seen someone fly with such cool, calm, collected confidence that I have to practically reach over and make sure she's alive," Francis interjected, casting a glance at Annie, her gaze firm, as she looked back to the British, "anyone could die any given time or day. And Captain Faulkner happened to be in the crossfire. But Lieutenant Bradshaw has stepped up to the plate-"

"And hit a fucking grand slam-"

"Sir," Francis said glancing at Major Egan who held up his hands in mock protest, "if you have sort of questioning about Lieutenant Bradshaw and her confidentiality in a B-17, you can happily talk to me day or night - preferably night, but I know you do your runs then. Damn shame." The British sat in stunned silence. "So, please, feel free, but I assure you that Lieutenant Bradshaw is doing what she must and Captain Faulkner is rolling over in her grave knowing you're talking to her like this." More stunned silence. Biddick let out a low whistle as Major Egan leaned back and wrapped his arms around the backs of both her and Francis' chairs.

"Well, gentlemen, you just got bested by one of the best damn co-pilots in all the 100th," Major Egan said with a dry chuckle afterwards, "c'mon, what do you gotta say for yourselves, huh?" The British pilots continued to sit in an uneasy silence.

"Right." Major Cleven said, butting in quietly, as he laced his fingers together and nodded to the group, "Thanks for the drinks tonight, gentlemen." Major Cleven nodded to the RAF pilots, who began to protest as the group started to stand, Major Egan urging Annie to stand to her feet with her beer as she glanced back at the RAF pilots - stunned into silence and the sudden realization of having to pay for 6 to 7 drinks at their disposal.

Annie blindly followed behind Major Egan's bobbing head until the group had started to settle at a new table, away from that of the RAF pilots, whom Annie had taken a glance back to and who were slowly standing, adjusting themselves and muttering amongst one another.

"Last time I hear about their shit with Silver Bullets," Major Egan said from beside her as she settled into the open chair beside him, glancing up at the table and eyeing Francis, who was a few chairs down and nodding to her (which brought Annie a greater comfort than she could imagine), "Birdie used to sock 'em in the mouth with what she'd tell 'em. You could do that, but you're fucking eloquent with it, Bradshaw, so, they might've lost it if we kept at it." Annie glanced up at Major Egan as his sipped his beer again.

"They always got a comment," DeMarco muttered from across the table as he pulled his cigarette off his lip and glanced at Annie, "you get used to it, but it don't mean that it doesn't annoy the shit outta the rest of us. They went after Silver Bullets all the time. And they damn-well knew what it meant to."

"Birdie just never actually told them what it meant, ya know," Biddick offered with a grin and a nod, "she liked to mess with 'em all the time. Get in their heads, shit like that. She got 'em good. But, hey, you did much of the same so cheers to you, Bradshaw." Annie let out a small laugh and scratched behind her head.

"I'll be honest, I've been through enough higher order bullshit in my time and just didn't want to have to hear any sorta sob story from their mouths," Annie admitted honestly, earning a few chuckles from the table, "you get enough of that from back home. Didn't need it here to." A uniformed grouping of nods and agreements and 'Amen to that' echoed about, with people clinking glasses and smiling at her - and for a moment, she felt she won a bit of something deep in her being, for even just a statement like that.

Annie slowly glanced to her left and found Brady there - their few conversations hadn't been anything stellar, but he'd been nothing but kind to her after their first unexpected meeting together on the tarmac. She smiled at him, when she caught him watching her and she watched as his gaze subtly softened and he leaned toward her a bit as she opened her mouth to speak.

"Thanks for saying that. Back there." Annie said with a nod, as he grip on her beer became tighter, "You didn't have to, but I appreciated it." Brady watched her with a grin on his lips and nodded as he leaned towards her ear over the loudness of the group.

"You're a good pilot, Bradshaw," he said quietly and with a genuineness in his voice that it made her heart resound to even the mere compliment that anyone could give anytime of the week, "and you get sick of hearing their comments on what a whole other crew is doing with their flying and all. You handled them well, in my opinion." He leaned back from her and nodded to her with a small smile, his eyes glowing. She watched him and then found her smile again and smiled back.

"Thanks." she said with a nod, and he grinned wider at her, "If you don't mind my asking, they said…much of the same to Birdie?" Brady nodded quickly, sipping his beer again before looking at her (in that damn good looking uniform of his that would make a rock look stellar she thought), and turning his body towards her in the chair.

"All the time." Brady said, "'Course she had us, we didn't let the Brits get all their jeering out that they wanted, but Birdie held her own, and she usually would get them pretty good. Had them practically squirming in their seats. It's a bit of a treat sometimes, ya know?" Annie smiled at the thought and sent a glance to Francis, who was engaged in a serious looking conversation with Biddick and Kidd.

"And Francis?" Brady smiled at her.

"Francis always gets her digs in, they must be learning to suspect it at this point, but they should've played better when you were sitting there. They know how we all are at this point and you're no different. New ranking officer or not, we don't let shit like that slide." Brady affirmed to her and Annie smiled at him, with a look of thanks in her eyes. Brady watched her quietly for a moment as she seemed to soak in his words, before clearing his throat.

"What's this about some folklore, huh?" Brady asked her, almost innocently and sweetly enough that she looked up at him with a surprised chuckle.

"What?" Brady grinned as he leaned forward.

"Silver Bullets. Back there, you said it meant something…folklore or whatnot. What's that about?" Brady asked her, sipping his beer, "The most Birdie let on for us what that it was enough to kill us all or something like that." Annie watched him and broke into a rather loud chuckle and shook her head at him, before leaning against the table and sighing.

"Supposedly it killed werewolves, I don't know." Annie said, looking to his eyes, "You'd have better luck talking to Margie about all that though, she's into all that ghost sorta stuff." Brady let out a laugh at her words and nodded to her.

"I'll have to keep that in mind." Annie grinned.

Something about Lieutenant John Brady made her want to keep talking to him - his quiet confidence and inviting nature made her insides feel warm and almost curious to know more about himself, his story, him. She didn't have a lot of people like that back home - being young and taking care of an army of siblings who had practically been ready to call her 'Mom' instead of 'Sister' was traumatizing enough, not to even mention her lack of schooling or social outing.

Annie slowly sipped her beer again, cringing a bit at the liquid and its warmth and glanced over at Brady again, who was back to sipping his own beer and listening in on a conversation with Major Cleven, Major Egan, Crosby and Bubbles. A small smile hit her cheeks as she watched him laugh, something about him magnetic and touching all at once.

"Hey. Bradshaw." Annie looked over at Major Egan and watched as he leaned beside her, wrapping an arm around her chair and pointing to the beer, "Just. Let me know if you don't end up finishing that up. I could take it off your hands, easy." Annie watched him for a moment.

"Are you really that much of a fan of warm beer, sir?" Egan let out a dry chuckle and shrugged.

"You gotta go where the getting is good, I guess. And what else is around here except empty fucking fields and trees every square mile. A warm beer at this point is a good beer." Annie let out a laugh and slid it towards him.

"All yours." she said, "I don't drink much anyway."

"Ahhh, hey Buck, you got a fellow Saint here," Egan said, leaning over to Major Cleven and wrapping an arm around his shoulders, "she don't do much drinking either. Maybe you two can both go taking shots of water together." Major Cleven let out a chuckle as Annie rolled her eyes the slightest bit and caught Brady's slightly cold stare at Egan - but Annie didn't really care.

From the interactions she'd had with Egan, it was all in good fun - he was all in good fun. He was always looking for fun, a distraction from war. She didn't mind.

She liked the two Majors - Buck and Bucky - they'd been sweet as anything, with a bit more jeering from Egan if she was telling the truth. But they seemed to understand what it meant to have an all-female crew in the group and she appreciated that. It meant that when Birdie had been here, they had looked out for her, too, and with her, they were making sure of it.

"Hey, Bradshaw, you want a Coca-Cola?" Annie looked over at Brady leaning towards her, with a thumb jabbed over his shoulder to the bar, "Since someone took your beer-"

"Sure." Annie said, looking at him, while waving off Egan who was looking ready to start singing a musical nearly, "It's all good….I'm not a fan of beer much anyway. Here and there." Brady smiled at her, the corner of his lip curling upwards into a near-wider grin.

"Warm beer just doesn't do the trick, like beer back home, huh?"

"You got that right." Brady chuckled.

"I'll be back-"

"I can get it." Annie said, her hand jutting out to stop him by the arm, but he turned to her and offered her up a wink before heading off.

Annie watched him go before turning slowly back to the table and finding Francis watching her from across the table. She raised a brow. Annie couldn't contain the smirk and shook her head. Francis chuckled. By this point in time, she'd never felt more comfortable in a group of people and in a bomber group.

Maybe flying B-17s had always been her ultimate goal, despite everything in her life up to this point in time. Maybe all her reckless youth and sped-up childhood was for this. To come into this moment in time as a Lieutenant in the Army Air Force, with the title of command pilot for an all-female group. Maybe that's what all along, everything was coming to a head as. Maybe for once in her life, she was earning something instead of giving. Maybe she was doing it all at once.

Maybe.

Life seemed to be full of maybes at this point - and maybe, she was okay with that for now.

[xhikatsu]

Topaz's Business Mindset and Counter to Jade

Inspired by this great analysis video of Jade regarding a few points this op made towards ways to counter her business of desires. Interestingly, I noticed that some of those counters seem to naturally align with the way Topaz operates and thinks.

First, we know that Topaz seems to look up to Jade in some way. Now, I think this is purely from a business perspective as she seems keen to learning overall to help her goal. Since Jade is her mentor, Topaz knows she can offer a lot of info to her that she can utilize in her work.

However, she is also keenly aware of Jade’s manipulation and seems to steer clear of it or even warn others of it. Topaz openly tells her workers to not call Jade “big boss” to avoid trouble, also hinting to Trailblazer about the cornerstone abilities or even how Jade probes for desires.

Despite her “kind” voice line about Jade and hinted at knowing each other for a while now, Topaz seems rather distant to her when working. This could be her trying to remain professional, but even when Jade tries to be more personal or casual, she doesn’t seem to reciprocate.

This is especially shown when Jade brings up Aventurine to Topaz, seemingly trying to probe around in search of weakness, desire or simply information for future use. Topaz tries to navigate through it using her “business excuses” and simply try to keep things professional.

From the analysis video and knowing Jade’s business, we can see this as Jade testing and probing Topaz for a weakness of sorts or trying to see if she can find a desire to use to entice her. She does this in a few ways with a specific manipulation tactic.

This tactic is one which many doesn’t seem to recognize as another type and form of manipulation as the way she tries to gain Topaz’s trust, have a more casual conversation with her, or even touching her. This doesn’t help as well with their mentor-mentee status and power dynamic.

We see this when Jade first arrives. Note that Topaz switches to calling her “Madam Jade” compared to earlier with her grunt, referring her as “Miss Jade”. This is her sense of showing formality. When Jade insists they are equals now, Topaz reminds Jade of her seniority over her.

When that “closeness” doesn’t seem to put Topaz’s guard down, Jade tries to poke at Topaz’s recent failure. Despite claiming Topaz made the right choice earlier when she was harassed on call, she seems to question her actions nonetheless in which Topaz confidently goes around it.

This is also to say that besides trying to probe her for weakness and ambitions to possibly exploit in her trades of desires, she also is trying to mold Topaz to be more ruthless in negotiations, which therefore allows more gains in the deals for the IPC.

On top of already being aware of Jade’s ways much like how Aventurine also mentions knowing this in his own voice lines, Topaz’s mentality towards business naturally counters Jade’s. What I mean is, Topaz works off of compassion and kindness rather than just results and profit.

Ultimately, Topaz will always need to make sure the IPC gains something in their deals or else she wouldn’t be able to help. However, she often times tries to assess the situation to find further value. This isn’t to try and gain more for the IPC, but rather help the other party.

How does this help? Well, by knowing and leveraging what they have to offer of value, they can gain a better deal. This will allow the other party to have some power in the negotiation to be able to bargain for their needs, wants or the conditions put out before signing.

Topaz looks for this specifically in a sense to help them out. Of course, this does help the IPC too in gaining more, but she brings it up in a sense to allow the IPC to invest more, which means more resources and fundings to help the planet out with whatever challenge they face.

We also know from the recent event that Topaz much rather have people learn to accept help and then learn to grow on their own after than to be stuck in an endless cycle of “charity”. This shows that she looks out for the other party’s future benefit far more than most think.

This level of compassion in business despite some of the methods she use shows her inherent ambition to help others. This directly counters Jade’s mentality, which is exploit the desires of others to continually gain in the endless cycle. Topaz rather break that for independence.

Topaz does not believe there is anything wrong with getting help, especially if needed to survive. So even if it means making some sacrifices, that is an opportunity one should take to help themselves in order to ultimately strive forward and be able to stand on their own later.

With the recent event, she takes multiple risks to be able to provide Belobog opportunities to take and even helped Luka out, not needing to get involved when all she needed to focus on was the IPC’s profit. Nonetheless, she helped Luka out far more than gained anything.

Because of this, Topaz is more than willing to work and go around the system as we have seen her effortlessly do through her business reasons. She is also more than willing to use different methods with an open mind, some even lining up to how Jade operates with better intentions

It’s interesting to see these current dynamic considering Jade is the mentor of both Aventurine and Topaz. Aventurine, who followed Jade in her footsteps, uses her “help” and exploits it in his own way. Topaz, who is the opposite of Jade, goes around it and uses her method in her own way.

Ironically too, Aventurine and Topaz both seem to trust each other despite their difference, putting aside their disagreement in approaches to help each other for mutual benefits. With that difference, they both are able to cover the other’s back quite well and respect each other.

Aventurine ultimately requested specifically for Topaz to help him in the Penacony quest, even after her “failure” with Belobog. His voice lines of her has also been very positive, speaking well of Topaz’s fairness and ability to keep things equal despite not fully agreeing to it.

While they both can work very well together professionally, the two seem to lower their guards behind the scenes towards each other just to bicker and be playful towards the other, a clear sign of their closeness they share that they don’t seem to show towards Jade.

It makes me excited to further see what other methods Topaz has up her sleeves in handling the multitude of business she encounters, and to see where her goals lead her in this balancing act of hers. I also can’t wait to see her interactions with the other Stoneheart members as well.

Original Date of Posting on Twt/X: Sep 26, 2024

[lovepersevering13]

elaborate on tori springs autism

Ok I’m gonna start this by saying that the topic I’m most passionate about in the entire universe is Tori Spring (As well as Michael, Charlie and Oliver) being a very autistic coded character and so this post is a very long info dump about it because it consumes almost all of my waking thoughts.

Anyway, quick summary, I believe that Tori Spring has autism because of her social struggles, mannerisms and general outlook on life. Like how she always talks about not fitting in, she gets really obsessed with specific things (Star Wars and Solitaire) and she struggles to express her emotions, often leading up to an intense emotional outburst (Autistic meltdown).

Forewarning - I am obviously not a licensed psychiatrist (I’m literally just a mentally ill teenage girl) and so I don’t actually have the capability to diagnose anyone, I just have a lot of time to waste studying the DSM-5-TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision) and analysing Tori Spring. Also, Autism is different for everyone and this is just one perspective of it based on research and the DSM-5 which obviously doesn’t cover every autistic persons experience. OH, Also, I tried really hard to focus on using ‘person-first’ language when I was writing it but I may have messed up a few times so let me know if I did! Also let me know if there is anything else incorrect here so I can fix it :)

Ok now that’s out of the way I will start with what we know is true: Tori Spring likely struggles with Depression. It’s a generally accepted fact amoungst the fandom due to Tori’s negative outlook on life and suicidal ideation (at the end of Solitiare). Now, why is this relevant? Well Autism and Depression are often comorbid diagnosis, people with Autism being 4 times more likely than Neurotypical’s to experience a diagnosis of Depression.

So she’s already got that going for her, let’s take a look at Solitaire and some excerpts from that which highlight different aspects of the Autism diagnostic criteria in the DSM-5. This is based of what I annotated the first time I read Solitaire about a year ago there may be more that I missed.

A. Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions.

- “No- Tori just held a conversation by herself” - Becky Allen, Solitaire, Page 28

- “I think you’re breaking down.” I cough loudly. “I’m not a car.” Solitaire, page 311.

In this quote Tori is taking things wayyy too literally which is common amoungst many people with Autism due to the way they process information.

- “I think… it’s unlikely that anyone would want to catch a grenade for anyone else. Or jump I doesn’t of a train for anyone else. That’s very counterproductive.” Solitaire, Page 45

Again the literal thinking (I also have this exact thought every time I hear this song).

- “I drift away and picture myself….” Solitaire, Page 33

Ok so I didn’t want to include this entire quote because it’s really long but essentially she’s thinking about what it would be like to be, for lack of better word, neurotypical. To be confident in social interactions and always say the right thing, say things that people are interested in and to not be awkward or shy.

- “I quite like cats, and I saw it for the first time at lunch in the cafeteria. I almost felt like I’d made a new friend,” Solitaire, Page 68

Often people with Autism prefer interaction with animals, this is theorised to be because social interaction with animals can compensate for a lack of social interaction with peers. Oh also a lot of people say that cats are kinda autistic coded animals because of their similar mannerisms to people with autism.

- “Emotions are humanities fatal disease.” Solitaire, Page 346

2. Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.

- “I think it’s important to make the effort. Social conventions and all,” Solitaire, page 43

- “I need to control my staring” Solitaire, page 45

3. Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.

- “Then again, I don’t feel very similar to anyone at all” Solitaire, Page 20

Many people who have Autism (Especially Women) often report that they don’t “fit in” with their peers, there are a variety of reasons for this but it is often related to masking and just generally struggling to socialise the same way their Neurotypical peers do.

- “There’s a time and a place for being normal. For most people, normal is their default setting. But for some, like you and me, normal is something we have to bring out, like putting on a suit for a posh dinner.” - Michael Holden, Solitaire, Page 61

This quote from Michael is one of my favourites in Solitaire and I feel heavily related to the autistic experience. It pretty much perfectly describes the experience of autistic masking.

- “I thought it’d be nice to try and rekindle this friendship. But it’s too hard. I don’t want to talk to anyone.” Solitaire, Page 99

- “I’m no expert on social etiquette.” Solitaire, Page 140

B. Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

1. Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypes, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).

- “I kick the floor and spin. The world hurricanes around me. I don’t know how long I do this,” Solitaire, Page 84

This quote is just Tori stimming, she stims quite a bit in the book but this was just one example I picked.

- “I watch that scene three times and then turn it off,” Solitaire, Page 102

- “Playing ‘Fix You’ by Coldplay over and over on repeat” Solitaire, (I forgot the page)

These are another two examples of stimming that I wanted to include because it shows different forms of stimming (repeatedly watching or listening to something) that aren’t talked about as much.

2. Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).

- “It’s not a very funny programs but I still seem to watch at least on episode every single day.” Solitaire, Page 100

While this could just be because it’s on tv I figured if she really didn’t enjoy the show she could definitely watch something else. This is probably an example of “preservation” which is a coping mechanism that helps people with autism to find comfort in predictability and routine.

3. Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).

- “The matter of the fact is that Star Wars was actually a major obsession of mine when I was a kid” Solitaire, Page 24

Apparently most children don’t have extreme, obsessions that consume all of their waking thoughts (I cannot attest to this, I’ve been hyper fixating on random stuff since I was like 2). Anyway, hyper fixation is a sign of Autism which is often overlooked in girls because it’s usually something related to pop culture and is ignored as just being “fangirling”.

- “I have already stuck all of Solitaires previous posts. My wall is completely covered.” Solitaire, Page 297

This is only one example but if you’ve read solitaire you’ll know that Tori gets very obsessed with solitaire and especially toward the end of the book I’d argue that it does start to become quite a hyper fixation.

4. Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g. apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).

- “I started to feel all this hair on my forehead and my cheeks and how it plastered my shoulders and back and I felt it creeping around me like worms, choking me to death.” Solitaire, Page 15

So this is an example of sensory overload, while this can affect anyone, it is very common in people with Autism as they often have a hyper awareness of sensory stimuli, causing it to become very overwhelming. So this can happen with things like sound as well and I didn’t put it in here but there is another quote when she’s at Becky’s party talking about how loud it is.

- “At some point I fall asleep but I can here all these creaky noises coming from outside” Solitaire, page 65

So this quote isn’t exactly that special but it’s the way she brings it up every time she sleeps, like she’s so hyper aware of the sounds outside that it begins to prevent her from sleeping.

Here are some other miscellaneous quotes that I wanted to throw in because I think they are relevant:

- “Who would I be,” I ask at one point, “if I were any of the Big Bang theory characters?”

“Sheldon,” - Charlie Spring, Solitaire, Page 100

This quote is nothing really I just thought it was interesting that Charlie related Tori to Sheldon as he’s generally seen as another autistic coded character (No matter how problematic that may be, I haven’t actually seen the show I just know a lot of people with Autism think it’s poor representation)

- “I don’t want people to try and understand why I am the way I am, because I should be the first person to understand that and I don’t understand yet.” Solitaire, (I lost the page)

- “I’ve got to do something,” I keep saying,” Solitaire, Page 272

Ok so throughout Solitaire (and ‘This Winter’ and the ‘Heartstopper’ graphic novels) Tori displays a very high sense of empathy. Main examples of this are with her brother Charlie and in that scene where Ben Hope gets beat up at the Solitaire meet up. Stereotypically people with autism have a low sense of empathy but actually it’s a spectrum and many people with autism (more often girls) experience a heightened sense of empathy.

- “Before boys, before sex, before alcohol, before she started to move on while I stayed exactly where I was.” Solitaire, Page 353

In girls signs of Autism generally begin to manifest more during their tween/teenage years. Girls who appeared to be progressing at a similar rate to their peers may begin to fall behind due to the increased social and academic pressure. This quote could however be more related to Tori being asexual, which we will get into now.

Asexuality and Autism

As confirmed in volume 5 of Heartstopper, Tori Spring is asexual. People with Autism are 2-3 times more likely to identify as a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Especially, the aroace community. The studies I looked at said around 30% of people with Autism also identified as aro/ace, this is also more common in women with Autism than men.

Autistic Meltdowns

So in addition to those direct quotes a repeated occurrence throughout Solitaire is Tori’s emotions bubbling up and eventually bursting out… and what could these outburst actually be? Autistic Meltdown.

The main examples that come to mind for Tori are the fight with Michael, that scene where Charlie asks if she’s ok and she starts crying and the scene where she’s talking to Lucas about Charlie at the concert.

Safe Foods

Ok Tori’s obsession with diet lemonade is kind of iconic. People with Autism often tend to have ‘safe foods’ that don’t trigger sensory issues, usually these are specific things with consistent, safe, tastes. For Tori, this is diet lemonade. Another thing to point out about this is the fact that she always uses straws which is possibly either a sensory thing or a routine :)

Ok, that’s about it… I don’t believe anyone would actually read all that but if you did… damn, thanks :))

Some of the resources I used:

https://www.allohealth.care/healthfeed/sexuality/asexuality-and-autism

https://neurodivergentinsights.com/autism-infographics/autism-and-sexual-diversity?format=amp

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/08/the-bond-between-animals-and-the-autistic/623372/

https://socialcaretalk.org/experiences/life-autism-spectrum/autism-feeling-different-wanting-to-fit-in/

https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/hcp-dsm.html

https://jackiesilvernutrition.com/articles/autism-safe-food/

[pocket-sized-love]

Um... hello. I've never considered asking anything about this, but I've got an issue on my hands and I'd like to get a second opinion.

I take care of Ghost-type Pokemon. I hope to be a Gym Leader someday. My closest Pokemon to me is a Dusknoir. I've had him ever since he was a Duskull. In fact, he was my first Pokemon ever.

I've noticed changes in his behavior. Because they're so uncommon in the wild, few ever really see their behaviors toward prospective mates. But there are nights where he wanders off and brings back gifts for me. Other nights, I've found him bringing me my favorite kind of cakes.

I've never considered a relationship with any of my Pokemon because many places frown upon it. I've had partners in the past, but they've never worked out. He's always been there to help me through the issues, and I thank him for that. But I'm also nervous. He's gotten a lot more clingy as of late (I don't mind this. He's very nice and soft and his body always feels cool to the touch) and I'm wondering if that's due to the change in seasons.

He's so sweet to me. I'd want to know if there's anything I should be aware of. A lot of information I find conflicts, and I don't want either of us to get hurt if I decide to do anything deeper with him.

Um... Thank you in advance

I thought I read a study recently that was on-going regarding wild Dusknoir. The professor who discovered a very, very small group around the wooded area along the Bellchime Trail in Johto has been having a hard time with figuring out their mating habits and also how they are in groups. It's really interesting, but likely won't be of much use to you for some time yet. The other huge question is how they've evolved. The running theory is these are Dusknoir that were traded and then either released or left of their own will. That raises a lot of questions of course!

I've read finished studies that take years to compile and sort through the data that's been gathered! This study is so new still, so I'm sure it'll be a while before we get more info.

Saying that, I'll try my best to help you right now. (:

If you're interested in pursuing a relationship with your Dusknoir, the best thing to remember is that you know your Pokemon partner better than anyone. You know his tells, his likes and dislikes, how he behaves when happy, relaxed, fearful, protective. You know how he acts around other Pokemon, around other humans. Listening to your gut and, maybe this'll sound cheesy, your heart as well, is the best step to take when you don't know anything else about a certain aspect of a Pokemon's habits.

Being cautious for you and him is wise and shows how much you want to consider his well being and your own!

A more practical way to start accepting advances of course is to accept his gifts he brings you if you haven't already. You can always ask him what that means to him (I know it is not always easy communicating with Pokemon that are unable to write to respond) and using your knowledge of his habits and body language, I'm hoping that's a place to go from.

You could also reciprocate by getting him a gift as well. Something that he can wear or keep on himself. For Dusknoir, if he doesn't have one already, I've heard Ghost-types are particularly fond of Spooky Plates. It helps them connect with the world beyond supposedly, and it's been observed to give them more attack power in battles. You could even have it engraved with something like a message or a symbol to represent the bond you two have and wish to deepen.

Regardless anon, I hope this helps you even a little bit. I'm sure you'll be able to find a comfortable spot with your partner. He seems like a keeper for sure. <3 Best of luck to you, and feel free to come through again if you need help or if you just want to update us on what happens! <3

[glitterpensupremacy]

Alright, you all voted (in spite of my prediction) and so I am more than happy to deliver!

Adrien MTS

His character notes are organized into four categories:

1. General info

2. Personality

3. Key relationships

4. Planned character growth

(This post may be a bit long, so the rest is under the cut)

1. General Info

I‘ll start with the biggest overall changes:

Adrien now has an equal importance to the story as Marinette (they are both the main protags of the show). This is because MTS has certain relevant plot lines that wouldn’t work with Marinette as the POV character. For example, the Agreste family backstory heavily impacts him and his life, so making Marinette the focus doesn’t work. This change was also made because duality and balance are major thematic motifs in the show, and having two MCs was one of the best ways we could implement this idea. (Also he’s just a fun character to write plots around!) On average he and Marinette would get equal screen time, but it fluctuates depending on the particular story (ex: he has a slightly smaller role in season 2 since he has less of a connection to Lila, a major antagonist in that season).

We are also not using the SentiAdrien plotline. This is due to it not being confirmed as canon at the time we began conceptualizing MTS, so we didn’t include it. And now the story doesn’t have room for it and all all the other aspects of the series that are more integral.

2. Personality

Adrien, while still trying to be nice to most of the people he meets, is a lot less mild mannered than his OG counterpart. A bit like the OG show’s S1 Adrien, only slightly more chaotic. He’s generally cheerful, enjoys making jokes (mainly as CN) and trying new things, and affectionate with his loved ones. Freedom is very important to Adrien, and he’ll often go to great lengths to try to hold on to it. Sometimes Chat Noir tries to put on a bit of a “tough guy persona”, but often melts at the first compliment or gesture from his partner.

Adrien does have the tendency to be very assertive and a tad brash (especially in the first season) because he worries that any sign of weakness will cause others to want to make decisions for him to “protect him”. Similarly, he hates being put on a pedestal, especially when it causes others to dismiss any part of him that doesn’t fit the image they have in their head (basically him being a famous model has greatly impacted how he wants to be perceived with others). He also can’t stand it when people close to him (mainly his father and initially his brother) hide things from him and try to control his actions and behavior.

3. Key Relationships

This is actually only a couple of his relevant relationships, seeing as there are a lot of them in MTS. If you want to know about a specific relationship I didn’t mention (or want more detail on a one I did mention, feel free to send me an ask!)

Marinette: The two start off with a casual friendship, as Marinette doesn’t really care that he’s a model. This actually makes Adrien more interested in hanging out with her, as she’s someone who sees Adrien as a person rather than a celebrity. He doesn’t really see her in a romantic light (or at least realize he does) until toward the end of the show, but still values her a lot. He also won’t be as oblivious as the OG Adrien about Mari’s feelings, and even though he doesn’t reciprocate them (consciously anyway), he appreciates that she actually likes him for who he is.

Ladybug: These two sort of get off on the wrong foot. Partially because of their Kwami’s influence (we may have given them some issues for the plot) and partially because Chat initially thinks Ladybug is a lot like his brother, the two don’t really work together, and often quarrel. He gets very paranoid about her wanting him to go along with her plans (due to his fear of being controlled) and thinks she’s bossy. After the midpoint of the S1 though, they get to know each other better. He learns that she is very different from who he thought she was. Realizing that she’s actually a vulnerable girl trying her best to be a hero and do right by others, causes him to become more concerned about her wellbeing. The two will also start to confide in each other about their insecurities, and near the end of S1, he finally falls in love with her. (He’ll be a lot less outspoken about it than the OG though, due to an incident that happened prior to this.) He wants to be the hero partner she deserves first and foremost.

Felix: The twins were very close growing up, especially the death of their mother and their father becoming more distant, but over the years, Felix began to change. He started to treat Adrien more like their father does, which caused Adrien to feel betrayed by his brother. Initially their relationship is cordial, with a bit of resentment on Adrien’s side, which grows until it reaches a breaking point. The two end up getting into a (somewhat one-sided) fight, that Adrien comes to regret. Fortunately the two end up getting a bit closer after this, before finally resolving their issues in the season finale (Felix learns Chat Noir’s identity, which changes how he perceives his brother, and Adrien realized that there’s been more going on with Felix than he thought after he gets akumatized into Calamity). From there the two regain their lost relationship, and do anything for each other.

Gabriel: Adrien’s feelings about his father are… complicated. On the one hand, he understands how hard things have been for his dad after losing the love of his life. In the other hand, Adrien can’t stand the way he’s acted for the past several years: isolating himself from everyone else, constantly trying to keep Adrien locked away and micromanaged, never just being there for his son, which is all Adrien really wants. On the other other hand, Adrien has a much harder time speaking up to him than he did with Felix (because well, it’s much easier to rebel against your twin sibling than your controlling father), and still wants to see the best in his dad (both because he cares about him and because Felix showed Adrien that change is possible). Throughout the third season, Adrien is able to learn a bit more about Gabriel and even confront him for how he’s treated Adrien (and Felix, but that’s another post). His father even seems like he’s starting to change after this, but… let’s just say something goes wrong.

Nino: Adrien is instantly charmed by his new “best bro”, who tries to teach him a bit more about normal kids work. Adrien tries to inspire Nino to apply himself a little more, at least when it comes to things that are clearly important to him. The fact that Nino likes his jokes definitely boosts his spirits. Adrien does start to worry about Nino after the Bubbler, as Nino’s extreme reaction (seeing as people usually can’t be akumatized unless it relates to a core issue that’s been festering for years) suggests that there may be more to his “cool dude” best friend than he thought.

Other notable Adrien/Chat Noir dynamics (for better or worse) include Plagg, Alya, Kagami, Luka, Chloe, Mylene (it’s a long story), Emilie, and Hawk Moth (he is their nemesis after all).

4. Character Growth

Ah yes, the bread and butter of storytelling. Adrien receives two major character arcs in the series. One principally taking place during season one, while the other is much longer. (He also gets minor, non-arc related growth, but I’m highlighting the most important details)

Arc #1: Adrien undergoes some pretty major changes in the first season. He starts off as the usual sweet, sophisticated, “perfect” Adrien who tries to smile through the loneliness and suffocating rules. When he meets Plagg, he gets a change to show how capable he can truly be, while getting the power to free himself from these confines. He especially loves using his Prime Ability, Wildcat (his equivalent to the Miraculous Ladybugs) to do so. It essentially turns him into an unbeatable fighting machine! Unfortunately, this power is more than a mortal being can handle, and slowly chips away at his sanity, amplifying his feelings of anger and determination to be free. Plagg also eggs him on, warning him that giving up on using Wildcats will make him “weak again”, which will cause him to go back to being helpless and submissive (MTS Plagg and Tikki are kinda jerks at first). He realizes that it’s too much for him to handle in the first midseason finale, and renounces the power. This causes his body to fall into a state of withdrawal and fatigue that takes multiple episodes to recover from. During this time, he learns the value of stability, responsibility, and that he can be empathetic while also not letting others control him. His arc culminates at the end of season 1, where he unlocks the power to purify akuma, understanding that destruction can be used for good when maintaining an inner balance.

Arc 2: The seeds of this arc are planted from the beginning, as using Wildcat caused him to unintentionally become destructive and dangerous, but the episode Copycat is what launches the arc. Facing someone who looks exactly like you, has all of your powers, who you (unintentionally) lead to get akumatized does a lot to a person’s self esteem. Even though he hasn’t fallen in love with Ladybug yet, he cares about their friendship, so fighting an imposter who completely obsessed with her causes him to fear becoming the same way. Naturally this causes him to panic when he does fall in love with her, making him take longer to even admit how he feels about her. (He also struggles after she rejects him, but is more worried about her potentially being afraid of him than the rejection itself.) The New York Special also deals with his insecurities, as he almost quits being a hero due to not wanting to hurt anyone else. Fortunately Felix (who he tried to give the ring to instead) talks him out of it. Finally he manages to overcome his fears in the final season, after he faces his nightmare in Sandboy (that being a Ladybug who believes he’s a monster), and acknowledges that he’ll never be that kind of person.

Conclusion:

Alright, that finishes a (general) overview of Adrien’s character in Miraculous: The Series. To anyone who actually had the patience to read all of this, thank you for listening to my ramble (believe it or not but there’s even more details I could have mentioned!)

Marinette is gonna be the next character I talk about (idk when I’ll actually write her notes out, but she is next) as a planned post. After that… I’ll probably either discuss the MTS love square, Tikki and Plagg’s changes, or one of the fabled Season One trio characters (Alya, Chloe, or Felix). As for now… stay miraculous!

[astroismypassion]

Hi! Hope you’re doing well! Synastry questions for you! If that’s alright? No worries if not!

His Cancer Lilith (12th) is conjunct my Cancer Moon in my 2nd house. I read somewhere that it’s mostly felt on my end. I don’t really believe that. If true, that’s not fair lol?!?! What’s the deal with this aspect?

My Gemini Rising @ 29 deg is in his Taurus 11th house barely. My Cancer Mars (1st house) and Cancer Moon (2nd house) are both in his Gemini 12th house. His Gemini Venus & Taurus Mercury & 1181 Gem Lilith are in my 12th house.

His 8th house pisces Juno is in my Pisces tenth house. My Scorpio Juno is in his Libra 4th house along with my Libra Venus, Scorpio Jupiter, & Scorpio NN & Vertex. My Scorpio Pluto, Scorpio sirene, & 1181 Sag Lilith is in his 5th house. His 5th house Sag Pluto, Sag ceres and vertex are in my 6th.

Sorry for all the info dumping but I’m completely overwhelmed by this and my feelings. I’m drowning here. Is this a lot of nothing, just easy peasy placements, and I’m completely delulu about it or do all these aspects & placements show a helluva intense connection? This isn’t even all of it?!?!

Again, sorry for all the info. You don’t have to answer all of it or any really. Just… am I out here in the ocean in a rowboat with no oars by myself or is there a possibility that he feels just a smidge of this intensity?!?!

Hi,

yes, I understand you. Though, with "intensity of emotion" make sure that you are not building expectations for the connection already in advance. We got to understand here, that it can feel emotionally intense for you, but for him it could be the same or indifferent.

I mean, you wrote a lot of aspects, placements. I would prefer to see this person's 4th house and Moon sign.

Your Moon on his Lilith is actually really nice connection, out of all personal planets on his Lilith, this one is the easiest to tame. Probably they could feel emotionally comfortable around you or at least not judged (emotion wise).

However, I'm worried here, you said his Cancer Lilith, which is in his 12th house, right? I would be kind of careful with this placement. Cancer Lilith points to huge mommy issues, not to mention further issues with the family. But being in the Cancer 12th house, this person doesn't really understand their emotions well, they don't know how to emotionally regulate, which results in numbing themselves out with substances. It can also be numbing emotions. This person has a mother with undetected mental health issue, the mother could exploited them, but also played the victim easily. That's why this person also plays a victim in his personal connections. They also need a lot of alone time to recharge and may randomly ghost their family members. Extreme sensitivities can be found here, which results in walking around this person on eggshells.

Furthermore, what stands out your Mars in his 12th house, there is huge lust for him right? I kind of feel you want to sleep with the person and you are almost rushing it before they could run away and nothing happens? Your Moon in his 12th house, is not always ideal, you could be the one with feelings and he may or may not reciprocate. But since he also has Cancer over 12th house, he could be adjusted to the energy and comfortable with it. Also, your Lilith in his 5th house haha, you definitely want to sleep with this person? You wouldn't mind even if it's a short-term connection or a fling? I kind of get this energy from these overlays. His Venus and Mercury in your 12th house, make sure to communicate more with him. Also he could find you attractive, but I'm not sure about emotions here.

I think with so many 12th house overlays, you are both building something in your head only and more needs to happen in 3D haha.

I mean, my only real advice is get to know the person well.

[limitlessscion]

SHIPPING INFO // ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSES SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG.

WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER(S)?

I don't have any romantically for Satoru as a default from canon. However I am obsessed with platonic satosugu and platonic sashisu, and an extremely specific form of QPR sukugo (primary love language: trying to kill each other).

HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?

I don't ship enough to have really developed a sense for any specific boundaries on the matter. In romance-like relationships I tend to stick to characters within a similar age bracket for younger muses, but anything goes when they're fully mature adults.

But this is just for my own writing, I'm not here to judge what other people want to do with their fictional characters.

HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NSFT?

At the point where I get confused I guess LOL. I don't write smut not because I'm uncomfortable, but I just don't know how to and I don't have a great interest in doing so.

I do not mind my partners writing spicier things involving the muses and sharing thoughts with me though! I just struggle to reciprocate with details

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?

In terms of traditional shipping as people think of it, yeah. I write Satoru as aroace and also just a generally abrasive person who is genuinely bad at connecting with other human beings. It requires a ton of work to build up a positive bond with him, with a lot of understanding from my partner and their muse, and I don't compromise on this part of my portrayal.

I try to find some kind of meaningful relationship of some sort with every muse I write with though!

WHO ARE OTHER CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?

@saiakv's suguru, as an intense friendship in their childhood, and a romance-like QPR in their adulthood

@strywoven's Kaen with an intense QPR

@antishaman's Suguru in their childhood, a romance-like QPR on Satoru's end

...do you see a trend. I also have strongly plotted platonic relationships I care about just as much, such as the ones with @drippingheart's suguru and megumi, and @vartouhix's jangmi !

DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?

I do not mind other characters having a crush or other kinds of feelings about Satoru without asking my permission, I will not dictate your muse's feelings. Whether Satoru will reciprocate that or not will be up to me.

But of course, things will work out the best if we discuss it and plot it further! Without a strong foundation, it's likely for Satoru to agree to relationships and then ruin it soon after from incompatibility— although that can also be fun to write

ARE YOU SHIP-OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?

I'm obsessed with building meaningful relationships and something you might see me bring up a lot of trying to find an "emotional core" for a relationship. I want to feel what exists between two characters enough that it can drive my writing, and it takes a lot of work to build up

But this is not necessarily for romantic ships. I like writing very strong, intense, human connections but I'm not bothered about it being specifically being a romantic one

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?

I answered all the ones for Satoru already but I'm also very invested in the platonic modern trio of Nobara, Megumi, and Yuji

FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?

Just write with me. Plot. Exchange headcanons. We'll land on a relation"ship" of some sort eventually whether that's a more traditional ship, a friendship, mentor/mentee, or enemies, or some kind of situationship— whatever we develop I value it all equally

tagged by: @vartouhix

tagging: whoever wants to

[parkjayssi]

Hellooo, I hope you are doing well, I'm happy the fictional character game won, and I would like to participate, please!

Info: My initials are ASLS. I'm Ara~, leo Sun, and my favorite color is orange.

Characters you can choose for me (I'm writing several in case you don't know them from highest priority to lowest, so it doesn't take you that much time, hehe).

1. Yuki Sōma from fruits basket. (Big number 1 😭)

2. Tsukasa Kazuki from romance killer.

3. Ash Lynx from banana fish

4. Kureno Sōma from fruits basket

5. Kurapika from Hunter x Hunter.

6. Haruka Nanase from free!

My reading:

The character I chose for you is:

♡ Howl from Howl's Moving Castle ♡

First of all I feel that at the beginning they wouldn't get along at all, maybe the way they met was a misunderstanding, making Howl treat you in the most egocentric way possible, however, you have that "something" that makes him want to take care of you, making little by little his attention more and more directed to you, making him do little actions on the sly, like leaving you an umbrella when it's raining and you don't have one, or leaving a little flower in your window when you are sad, however he would do those things hoping you wouldn't know it's him, but he would make a mistake, so you would know it's him, despite his main attitude you wouldn't have any problem or annoyance with him, it would just be like "What's wrong with this guy? " Confused, but he would get your attention, yes do I get it? Well we come back, because of these actions you would start to like him a little bit, and he would have this sense of protection, but he would be in denial of romantic feelings, the love trope of "She falls first, but he falls harder" comes to mind. You would become friends, he cares for you and you like him, then you would realize that each other's personality and principles do match, and he would start to realize that he has feelings for you, but, he would go into denial "I can't fall in love.", "We're just friends.". Realizing that he actually has feelings for you, he would feel a little regret over his major actions, treating you better, but without confessing his feelings, waiting to see if his feelings are reciprocal, however, before confessing something would happen that you would have to separate for a while, a trip to another city with your family, or something like that, in that time he would realize that his feelings are sincere and what he wants is to have you by his side, after the confession that the feeling is mutual, he would have this thought (Channeled messages) of "I will be a prince for you. ", "I want to teach you everything I am.", "Everything I do is for you.", "Let's be together forever.", "Be my princess.", "Whatever you go, I'll find you.", "No matter if in your life you didn't feel like one, I will make you happy because you are my princess.", something I heard a lot was "Forever together."

Songs:

I hope you like it 💓

thank you for joining and the reading! i can see myself in that kind of dynamic with howl, and honestly sounds like a dream come true haha. you're lucky i know all of the characters mentioned here, even if haven't watched them properly. so i will be doing a reading between you and yuki sohma as requested.

YOUR STORY: the dynamic and your fate card pulled : strength (rx), three of pentacles, 2 of pentacles, nine of cups(rx) so the card i pulled is strength, and that too, reversed. we all know yuki has major self-esteem issues and that affects about how he feels for you in general. there is a certain blooming crush from his side which has been held back. when i asked my guides for more context, the cards kept falling down, which i believe tell me that this is his indecisiveness against his own feelings. i still ended up pulling three of pentacles. he still is willing to put his effort at the end of the day to figure out what he feels for you. he is willing to try and understand, working through his issues at the same time. with the two of pentacles, i can see yuki appearing in your life when you are in a situation where you have to make a choice if you want to put the effort with him or not. whether you want to be with him when he already is questioning his feelings can be tricky. nonetheless, my guides show me that you and him do, in fact, work through his and your feelings, one step at a time. sadly, nine of cups is a bad card for relationships and you both end up breaking away, knowing that yuki is still not fully healed, as he realises it's not your responsibility to heal him, and dealing with that kind of person can be tiring. my guides show me that you two would still, ultimately end up with a good note. this seems a karmic relationship, where you both learn from each other. and even then, you both cherish each other as a good memory than drowning yourselves with toxicity. they say "all's well that ends well" and that can be certainly applied here, albeit you both would need time before you can see each other again without regretting things extra messages : " thank you for giving me a chance", "i hope we can still be friends in future", "sorry for disappointing you", "i promise, one day, we'll be happy, even if we didn't find it together", "i'll always cherish you for giving me such good memories" aww he does regret how things turned out to be :( since you also provided songs, here's some for you:

(this kept looping in my mind while i did your reading)

hope you liked your reading! please provide me feedback if you can. that helps a lot with increasing the quality of my readings

[amphiptere-art]

A bunch of fey Blue Moon info.

Little rant about Fay Blue Moon I guess. They weren't ever really supposed to have like, a specie identification. They are in nature not a species. But the more I talk about them the more I basically word them as a specie. So let's just do that.

Of course we're keeping in the whole nature part of their life. Every single one of Blue Moon species is indeed embodying the nature of a warning. Something that you should beware. And they are the punishment for not heeding that warning. That is all the same.

But, these type of fey sort of morph to the environment. Most fay do. And that's how I imagine lot of them. But most of them have a motif that you can classify them in. Other than their nature.

Blue Moon species almost always embodies some sort of predator. For Blue Moon it's a dragonfly. For others it could be a fox, other predatory bugs. Etc etc. But whatever predator they embody does impact how they live.

These species also usually have a calm or herbivore creature with them too. In Blue Moon's case it's a grasshopper. But this part of their biology is also random. Usually taking on the traits of a fae that embodies that sort of soft creature. For Blue Moon it's grasshopper Faye.

Now we get on to the specifics of how the impacts Blue Moon. Both of the animalistic traits that Blue Moon base themselves on, are insects. Insects usually hibernate or die in the winter. Blue Moon unfortunately falls under the same fate. They are supposed to go into a hibernation like state. But due to being the only warning type fey in the area. Blue Moon has to force themselves to be awake. Even when their body fights it.

While their shape bends their bodily needs. It also somewhat bends their nature and activities. While the chosen predator part is a dragonfly. Dragonfly fey is not the main thing they embody. They also embody grasshopper fae. A sort of stranger danger type of warning. Unfortunately Blue Moon takes the traits of grasshopper fae a little bit more than dragonfly fey.

There's a part of their nature that deeply wants to weave the grass and build small little colonies. The only problem is that blue moons species is usually solitary. Mostly because of their cannibalistic tendencies. So that inherent instinct goes nowhere. Blue Moon weaves grass for no one. It is their hobby only for themselves. They are filled with a sense of needing to share, But can do nothing due to their solitary nature.

While Blue Moon species like any fae species has various shapes. It unfortunately makes meeting a mate very hard. Usually due to the fact that they look so different. They can also be different sizes. Meaning that if Blue Moon ever tried to find a mate. They would have to find a mate of the same size and similar like body shape. Which can be hard to find. Plus they usually like to stay to one area. It's usually the more male inclined of Blue Moons species to go out and find mates. Since blue moon doesn't lean towards any way. They simply take the female role of staying at home. But there has been no other warning type fay that have wandered towards Blue Moons territory. Probably because it doesn't have any easy food.

At this point Blue Moon needs to migrate themselves. As they have grown to be too fearsome in their area. Which is usually the driving point or any warning type fey to leave. Unfortunately like I said it's usually the more male inclined warning fae that migrate. Females do not migrate unless they have a mate to go with. Blue Moon has no mate, so they do not have the instincts to migrate. While Blue Moon does not lean either way. Because they are not leading masculine in any way, They are stuck with the female auto instincts. Basically most warning type fey are female first and can go more male if they want to.

If Blue Moon were to ever find a mate. Being the reciprocant they would be the judger. Although since Blue Moon doesn't lean either way. They could do their own display. A sort of double display.

There species mating displays are you really indicative of what creatures they are mimicking. And this is where they're aggressive mimic actually comes in turn. As it is what they use around their own species. So Blue Moon would do a dance like a dragonfly.

Interpret that however the hell you want. But by the end of the dance or the display. They do the deed and usually either leave or stay together. That would always depend on the female role. As they can either leave with the one the male or keep their territory. This is technically what Blue Moon is waiting for, and just isn't happening.

Trying to think of other things... Well I guess I could re-explain how Blue Moons diet works.

Basically is a warning for Faye. They eat faye. This usually does not require eating an entire faye. But it does require blood at least every day. They have to get a good bite of blood everyday or else they will start to starve. The more days they starve, The more they're appetite increases. Most warning type thing need to eat a good section of faye meat though, once a week. Just once a week. And it doesn't necessarily need to be a whole corpse. But it needs to be meat. Not just blood.

And I can't think of anything else to explain. Hope that was fun of you guys to know.