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#and we don't always see eye-to-eye on a lot of things
thebestsetter · 3 days
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Thinking about Megumi Fushiguro only showing his vulnerable side around you.
And it's not like he doesn't trust his friends. It just happens that he doesn't feel safe showing that side of him near them. He thinks that it makes him seem weak. And he definitely doesn't want to look weak.
He didn't even use to show his sensitive side around you at first. He never initiated cuddles, kisses or even hugs. Maybe, if you were lucky, he'd wake up feeling brave and would hold your hand. Once in a blue moon.
But bear with him! It's his first relationship, so he has zero clue about what to do in this whole dating thing. He needed a patient partner, and, luckily, you were exactly that: never forced him to do anything he didn't want to do, never initiated anything without his consent first and never complained about his lack of experience. You were perfect for him.
One day, he was on his way to Jujutsu High after a difficult mission. His whole body was aching from head to toe, his head was hurting and he had some really bad cuts that were gonna scar for sure. The fight with a special curse had taken a toll on his body, even if he wasn't alone during it. And, honestly, even though he was literally limping, he couldn't think about anything else other than you.
His favorite part of the mission was the aftermath, not only because it meant that the problem he was choosen to solve was over, but because when he came to the dorms he knew you would be there, waiting for him with your arms between your thighs and a gentle smile. The thought of you always made him smile like a lovesick fool. Perhaps he was, indeed, a good old fashioned lover boy. Maybe he had, in fact, become one of the hopeless romantics he used to despise, because, on his way back to Jujutsu High, despite feeling like he was literally being eaten from the inside out because of how much pain he was enduring, he still found the strenght to squat and pick a pretty flower he saw on a bush. He handled it with so much care, his eyes literally sparkling with love when he looked at it. It was so beautiful. It reminded him of you. He imagined your reaction when he gave you the flower. Would you smile and smell it, looking for a vase to put it on your desk so everyone could see? Or would you laugh at him in an affectionate way and hug it close to you, smiling at how smitten he was for you? And you would be right (as you always were), because he was, indeed, smitten. He would burn down the entire world if you asked him to. He would do anything just to make sure that you were always smiling. He would rather be skinned alive than make you cry. You were his light, the one who guided him through darkness. He couldn't even remember how his life was before he met you, and he honestly didn't want to remember. You made everything so easier, his life had so much color with you in it and the sky seemed brighter. It looked like the birds were singing a soft melody made exclusively for you both, and everything was sunshine and rainbows. Life had never seemed so bright.
"Megumi? Did you even hear what we just asked you?"
"We're losing him. I bet he's thinking about his girlfriend again."
"Ugh, he's such a loser when it comes to her. It's so sweet it makes me sick."
"What happened to bros before hoes, Fushiguro?"
"I don't know what you idiots are on about" Megumi sighed after snapping out of his trace "And I was not thinking about my girlfriend." It's not like he's embarassed of you, but he didn't feel like being mocked by Nobara and Itadori just because he thinked about you once in a while. Maybe not only once in a while. Maybe he did think about you a lot. More than he'd ever admit.
"Suuuree. And that flower is for who? I bet it's not for me or Nobara." Itadori pointed to the plant on his hands
"Shut up." Fushiguro blushed, placing the pink flower (very carefully, may I add) on his pocket. Yuji and Nobara smirked at eachother, enjoying the abashed state their friend was at.
"As we were saying, we wanted to know if you're going with us to Shoko's. She probably has something to help us with our cuts. And some of these are nasty! I really hope they don't scar, because there's a really big one on my face. That will make my modeling job harder, I'm sure. But my pretty face will make up for it"
"I think the scar will be the least of your problems..." Itadori murmured
"What did you just say?"
"Nothing!" He sweatdropped and quickly changed the topic "Anyway, are you coming with us, Fushiguro?"
The black haired boy sighed.
"I don't think so. My cuts are not that bad. I just need a little rest. If they hurt, I'll go seek help."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, you guys can go without me"
"Okay then. Bye Fushiguro!"
"I still want to know what you said earlier."
"I said nothing, what do you mean?"
Hearing his friends playful chatter disappear in the distance, Megumi's thoughts drifted to you again. He was honestly so tired that he could only think about cuddling with you or laying on your lap.
He must have been really entretained by his thoughts, cause he didn't even notice he had gotten to your dorm before he literally knocked on the door.
"I'm coming!" He heard your sweet voice saying.
"Megumi! You're finally back! I missed you!"
No feeling could ever surpass the feeling of you holding him, your arms wrapped around his torso in a strong hug that made him weak. He hugged you back as quickly as possible and nuzzled his head on the crook of your neck, closing his eyes and ihnaling your scent that drove him half-insane. It was like a drug. You were like his drug.
"I missed you too" reaching for his pocket, he grabbed the flower and gave it to you, as if he was trying to show you that, even during his missions, he still thought about you constantly. "Here"
"No way. Gumi, you shouldn't have..." you said, taking the flower from his hands and sniffing it, a content smile on your face.
"But I wanted to." He returned your smile, grabbing the flower from your hands and putting it behind your ear, removing a strand of stray hair from your face in the process.
"Even though I'm absolutely loving this moment" you said, cupping his face "You stink. Please go take a shower."
Crap! He had forgotten to shower! Now you were going to think he was stinky! Ugh, how could he be so irresponsable?
He quickly grabbed a towel and some spare clothes he had in your dorm (he went there a lot. It was practically his second home or something like that. Actually, his home is wherever you are. So, it happened that your dorm felt like home, too) and took the fastest shower he had ever taken in his life. He just wanted to go back to your arms in less time as possible. He wanted to merge with you, wanted you to hold him so close that you became one.
"I'm finished" he said, going to your room. He had to put some bandage in his larger bruises, so he was still shirtless. That being said, you could literally see how big they were.
"Oh dear God! Megumi, did you go to Shoko's? These injuries look bad!"
"They're not as bad as they look" he said, laying beside you and staring at your eyes. He didn't know what came over him, but the next words he said made even him surprised "But I bet they'd get better if you cuddled with me"
It was the first time he was initiating something. You'd be a fool to let the opportunity go.
"Well, if you say so" you smirked, looking a him with a glint of playfullness. "I really hope I can help you with that. Not sure if I'm capable tho. Don't know if my cuddles are good enough"
"Don't act ridiculous, of course they are"
"Let's start with your treatment, then." You laughed. And oh, how he loved the sound of your laugh. He loved it even more because he was the cause of it.
Carefully, you slipped your arms around him, hugging him closer to you. Your legs linked together, and he buried his face on your boobs (he didn't even have any indecent thoughts behind that action. It just felt comfortable). And, just when he thought it couldn't get better, your hands found their way to his hair. You gently unraveled all the knots, one by one, while massaging his scalp. He let out a peaceful sigh and began moving his hands up and down your back, as if massaging you, and drawing random things in your exposed skin with his fingers, like little hearts or silly smiling faces. Everything was perfect at that moment. He felt safe with you, something he didn't feel with most people. He felt completely at ease. Nothing and no one could ever ruin that moment for him.
*Click*
Until something did. Or even better: some people did.
"KUGISAKI! I TOLD YOU TO TURN THE VOLUME OF THE CAMERA DOWN"
"IT'S NOT MY FAULT I DON'T KNOW HOW YOUR STONE AGE PHONE WORKS. MY GRANDPA HAS A BETTER PHONE THAN YOURS"
"What. Are you guys. Doing here." It came out more like a comand than a question. Megumi felt frustrated that they had interrupted your alone time, and, honestly, even though he loved his friends, he just wanted them to go away. When they barged him uninvited, you had stopped playing with his hair, and he just wanted to feel your hands on his head again.
"Well, Gojo-Sensei asked us to come check if you really didn't need Shoko's treatment. But it looks like you have everything under control. We'll be going now. Just pretend we were never here..." Nobara said, trying to run away as quickly as possible before Megumi got even angrier.
"Hey! Isn't that the flower he grabbed on our way back? I knew it was for her! Look how cute, she even put it on her desk!" Itadori clearly didn't get what Nobara was trying to do.
"You idiot! We need to go fast, or else he'll get mad! Let's show the photo to Gojo-Sensei! I bet he'll find it funny. We can also use it as future blackmail, but we need to go before he gets us." The brunette girl whispered, but it was loud enough for the whole building to hear
"I can hear you, you know?"
"You're right! Let's go!" Megumi was promptly ignored.
In a normal occasion, Fushiguro would probably go after them, trying to get them to delete the picture. But he was just so tired that he didn't even have the strenght to.
"Ugh, I hate them"
"No you don't" You smiled, booping his nose and resuming your hands' work on his hair "you just need sleep. You're clearly tired, and the mission made you hurt. You deserve to rest. I'll be here when you wake up"
"Thank you." Should he say it? Oh, screw it. You needed to know. "I love you"
"I love you too, Gumi"
Honestly, he couldn't be happier right now. And so, with the feeling of your skin close to his and your hands on his hair, Megumi Fushiguro drifted off to a peaceful slumber, with the sweetest dreams he ever had. Of course they were sweet. They were only about you, afterall.
You were his everything. He loved you. And you loved him back. That was something he would forever be proud of.
~ A/N: I need sleep.
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neiptune · 1 day
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i don't want you like a best friend
cw: 4.2k wc, female reader, soulmate au, friends to lovers, tendo may be the only person in the world without a mark and it's quite hard to convince him that, most times, the universe doesn't know shit
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“Holy shit, this is the best thing I ever tasted”.
“Don’t lie”.
“I’m not!”.
Tendo narrows his eyes, unimpressed.
“You said that about the last five bonbons”.
“Listen, the one with port and cinnamon was great n’all but this is a cookie dough brown butter bonbon. I’m blown away. I want to sleep with this one. I want to buy it dinner and then take it to bed”.
That’s when Satori laughs, loud and boisterous as he still allows himself to be around you. It makes you smile, seeing him happy.
“Tell me the secret to crafting these”.
“Again?”, he snorts, “I already explained the process a million times”.
“Wanna hear it again. I like how you talk about it”.
“Okay, weirdo”, there’s fondness and a silent invitation in the way he pushes the little box of his latest experiments towards you.
It’s soothing, comforting, listening to instructions you’re already familiar with. Tendo goes over how important it is to choose flavors that are fun and still be attentive enough to make sure the chocolate stands on its own: flavoring components should never completely ride over it. He skillfully exercises subtlety when coming up with new combinations, always keeps the interior so creamy and smooth the treat ends up melting in a delicious puddle on one’s tongue. The outer layer should never be too thick, chalky or cakey: that’s why he prefers to form most of the chocolates with his hands instead of using a mold.
There’s creativity involved in what he does but there’s also science. It requires a lot of patience, most of his work is made of tedious steps repeated over and over again within specific time limits and a perfectly calculated temperature. It fits him, you believe: Tendo’s always been diligent and persevering, no matter what the world threw at him.
He puts a lot of work in his boxes too, especially the ones he has to ship. They’re all triple-insulated, double-stuffed and always perfectly packed. A cute, colorful thank you card always goes hand in hand with each purchase, if he receives orders for a birthday or a special gift he’d even write a personal note as an addition. As a foreigner, it hasn't been easy to establish himself as a reliable chocolatier in a city like Paris, but he now has a pretty loyal clientele and the shop is basically never empty.
“That one’s my favorite”, Satori’s eyes zero on the bite-sized bonbon you’ve picked from the box.
You hum, appreciating the way the chocolate melts in your mouth. It’s not as good as the previous one but you recognize the artistry with which the flavors fuse with each other, chocolate ganache with clementine and hazelnuts, just a hint of lemon zest.
“They’re all incredible, ‘Tori. You’re very talented”. Tendo smiles.
“Thank you”, he mutters, grateful, “now, can we talk about it?”.
“There’s nothing to talk about”, you dangle your legs from the counter of the little production kitchen in the back of his boutique shop, closed for the day. It’s incredibly tidy, smells of soap and citrus.
“You impulsively booked a flight across the world because of a guy”.
Ouch.
“I flew across the world to visit my best friend”, you scowl, “thought he’d be happy to see me”.
“I’m fucking ecstatic, ma chérie”, it’s probably the happiest he’s been in years, “but we need to talk about it. Tell me what’s on your mind?”.
He can see the bags under your eyes, the usual brightness missing from your smile, playful vibration to your jokes absent. He knows you’re hurting and while he’d be thrilled to keep you in Paris for as long as you wish, Tendo has to know what’s broken before he even attempts to mend it. His gaze falls on a specific portion of skin of your wrist and a sigh slips past his lips.
“He broke up with me”, you articulate slowly, “said we weren’t compatible. Said it’s safer to abandon the delusional ideas that drew us close to each other and do things how they’re supposed to be done. According to the plan”, there’s a grimace on your face that pairs well with how you spit out the last words.
“Did you show him?”.
“No, you know I don’t do that anymore. He didn’t see mine and I never wanted to see his. He agreed to that”.
“Right”.
“And then, I don’t know, he did what everyone always does. Changed his mind”.
Satori sighs. Truthfully, he’s always been a little sad about your mark being permanently covered with thick foundation, concealer or whatever else. It’s been years. He misses seeing the little crooked triangle on your wrist.
“Well, maybe…”, he starts but is soon interrupted by a loud scoff.
“Don’t”.
“But they’re not wrong. The universe has it all layed out for you, maybe it’s time you stop being so stubborn”.
“I don’t care about the universe, Satori. The universe is not going to take away that choice from me, it should belong to me. I don’t want to be destined to someone, I want to be chosen by them”.
He deflates in the plastic chair he’s sitting on. Can’t really argue with that logic.
Ever since middle school, when your mark first appeared, you never wanted to succumb to the whole the cosmos has already decided who the perfect person for me is bullshit. You simply can’t accept giving up the freedom of falling in love with whoever you wish to pursue, regardless of the universe agreeing or not. That’s why you never really cared about matching marks and all that jazz, always dated those who seemed not to care either. But after a number of failed relationships, it became painfully obvious that deep down, everyone always believes marks are the real deal. It’s why you decided you never wanted to see the mark of the next guys you’d date, and certainly didn’t want to show yours anymore. Sometimes it’s even hard to remember it’s still there, underneath stubborn layers of concealer. You hated it your whole life.
“You’re right. It’s your life, you should live it however you see fit”, they’re idiots for giving up on someone like you in the name of a dumb sign or whatever anyway.
“I thought you’d understand this more than anyone, you’ve always hidden your mark too. I don’t even know what it looks like and it’s okay! It’s yours! Shouldn’t belong to anyone else’s prying eyes”, you pick another chocolate truffle from the special box he’s sorted for you. It’s red velvet flavored.
Tendo insisted on calling his shop like that, rouge velours, deaf to the literal translation not being entirely correct. The french need to associate the word gâteau to it, it has to be a red velvet cake. But he didn’t care, adamant in going with just red velvet.
It was a joke you had blurted out at the end of high school, sitting on the curb outside your favorite konbini on the way home, another summer evening made of snacks shared underneath the street lamps. Satori said he wanted to move to France and learn how to make handmade chocolates, open a shop and everything. You suggested it should’ve been called red velvet, would’ve paired well with his hair. It never crossed your mind that he would take your suggestion seriously.
Frankly, Tendo’s not changed much since high school. He’s a little taller, broader in the shoulders, prefers a buzz cut. He’s still cheerful, less loud if you’re not around, enjoys singing made up tunes to himself while he works, occasionally takes part in volleyball games when neighbors or friends from the gym invite him. More than anything, he’s still the kindest, most generous friend one could have.
You used to be a little jealous of Ushijima, never one to accept easily to be downgraded in the best friends ranking system. As a teenager, it was hard to acknowledge that Satori’s heart is simply big enough to fit everyone he cares about in there. Not many people realized how much of an honor that was anyway, so there was plenty of space.
He still calls Ushijima to check up on him and the fact that they declared to be best friends during a television show didn’t leave a sour taste in your mouth as it would’ve back then. Wakatoshi is a nice guy, it definitely grew on you and it now gives you comfort knowing that Satori gets to throw the blanket of his affection over more than one person’s shoulders.
Not a day goes by without missing him, different time zones making it even more complicated to keep up with each other. Yet, he’s always the one willing to stay up late to talk to you, insists that while you work in the morning, he enjoys crafting chocolates in the middle of the night. That hardly matters, since you know he has to wake up early to open the shop.
“Hard to hide something you don’t have”, he grins from where he’s sitting, in front of you. Your dangling legs come to a halt.
“What?”.
“I don’t have a mark”, Satori shrugs, “not a big deal”.
“That’s impossible”.
“You’ve seen me naked”.
“Because you didn’t lock the damn bathroom door!”, your face heats up at the memory belonging to so many years ago. He snickers.
“Well, if I had a mark you’d know!”.
You pause, incredulous.
“Did you check your nails? Maybe it was in your hair and you shaved it off. Everyone has a mark!”.
“I don’t have it”, he knows, he’s checked every inch of his body for too long before giving up, “don’t act so shocked, it makes perfect sense”.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”.
Satori shrugs, a timid smile on his lips.
“I’m damaged goods. I wouldn’t expect to be the right fit for anyone, the universe decided to spare me and a potential unfortunate match the embarrassment”.
To him, it’s perfectly normal that there’s no one right for him out there. Or rather, that he’s not the right person for anyone. Who would want that, anyway? The guy who’s always been too weird to be looked at normally. The guy who always stands out the wrong way. If the universe has decided to be merciful enough to spare him the disappointment flashing over someone’s face upon discovering that he’s their soulmate, the only thing Tendo should feel is gratitude. 
“Don’t say shit like that ever again, Satori. Damaged goods? What the hell? You’re the best person I know!”, you almost throw the chocolate box at his head, “anyone would be lucky to have you as their soulmate. Anyone. I’m certain you’re the perfect match for a lot of people but I find it very hard to believe they’d deserve you anyway”.
You’re his best friend, you’re supposed to say all that. Yet, kept silent by that fiery glare of yours, Tendo can’t help but feel his chest warm up.
He didn’t necessarily have a crush on you in high school, that’s what he told himself anyway. When you started going out with Eita, part of him was relieved you went for someone normal. His teammate fell into the right category: Semi was attractive, had good grades, knew his way around girls. It was a good reminder of what Tendo wanted for you, of what you deserved. He cared deeply about your happiness and would’ve went to impossible lengths to shield you from all the bad there was in the world. That still hasn’t changed. Your best friend was what he was always destined to be and it was more than what he could’ve asked for, anyway.
And so it wouldn’t have been right to fantasize, to admit to himself that for the first time ever since he was a kid, Tendo wished to be the opposite of what he was. He dreamed of a different childhood, school days filled with friends, practice bursting with laughter instead of whispers, not a reason in the world to direct him curious or grossed out stares. He wished he was handsome, charismatic, funny in a way that made girls laugh in sincere amusement instead of discomfort. He wanted so badly to be everything he was not, for you.
When he admitted to himself that he loved you, deeply, ferociously, in a way that would’ve scared off any other human being, high school was over and so was his volleyball dream. Another fantasy coming to an end. Satori announced he wanted to move to Paris, expecting life, distance, a different time zone, your boyfriends, to make the friendship too heavy of a task to keep up with.
And yet, you stayed by his side. Most importantly, you wanted him to stay by yours. Tendo has never been much used to the feeling of being wanted, his presence wasn’t exactly desired by other people throughout his life. But you and Paris both taught him that maybe he does have something to give, something people can be willing to accept. So what if that something isn’t romantic love? He’s already luckier than he ever imagined he would get. He’s going to be okay, as long as you’re his friend. He’ll manage.
“Satori”, you snap him back to reality, “I mean it. Fuck the universe”.
Honestly, the only thing he’s mad at the universe for is making you so deeply unhappy. Tendo’s not sure he can forgive the cosmos for failing you so many times.
“Yeah”, he agrees lightly, “fuck the universe”.
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Maybe Tendo had a point when he referred to your little vacation as ‘impulsive’, given that you never really travelled outside of Japan before. Yet, what initially was an easy escape from your disappointing reality and a wonderful excuse to finally visit your best friend, soon turned into a delightful adventure.
You reciprocated Satori’s hospitality by being as useful as possible: you’d keep his place tidy and clean, get groceries, cook dinner. He’d insist on ordering out, would try to snatch the vacuum cleaner from your hand, sometimes Tendo would come home later than usual with his hands filled with groceries just so that you didn’t feel like you needed to refill the fridge. But you liked being there and you loved taking care of him, especially since he vehemently refused to go back to sleeping in his bed and offering you the couch instead.
On his rare free days, Satori gladly gives you a tour of the city and his favorite places. When he’s working, you’d explore Paris on your own, the little map he drew by hand safely nestled in your pocket. Yes, you obviously have a phone, but the map makes each stroll all the more special.
Being with him and feeling genuinely appreciated, in a city so wonderful and far away from home, made you realize that perhaps the universe got it all wrong. Maybe there’s no one out there with a mark similar to yours. Maybe you’re not a match for romantic love in the first place. You’re already lucky enough as it is, with a friend so wonderful you can share lovely dinners with over episodes of silly tv shows, in a tiny apartment filled with affection and laughter. It’s the best you’ve felt in years and the idea of leaving has never felt as dreadful.
But everyone has to get back to their life eventually: there’s your job, bills, rent, you haven’t visited your parents in a while. All these things you’re having a real hard time caring about as Tendo offers another glass of wine, the bottle you’re sharing practically empty resting by his feet.
It’s your last night in Paris and he insisted on cooking for once, a full course dinner paired with an expensive Clos de la Roche. Notes of woods and cherries dance on your tongue when you take another sip and you shut your eyes for a moment, savoring the taste. How did you end up on his bedroom’s floor anyway? Was it him who suggested sitting on the carpet with your backs pressed against his bed? No, you’re almost certain it was you. Satori tries to be less weird as a grown up, by his own admission: he leaves odd suggestions and ideas to other people, too busy trying to fit in now.
You find yourself observing his profile as he torpidly blinks, his own gaze focused on the hands holding his glass. The line of his jaw, the perfect curve of his nose. You think he’s pretty, spiky hair no longer there to tear away one’s attention from his features.
“Did you date a lot, here?”, you ask, genuinely curious. He turns to look at you, amused.
“A lot? When did I ever date a lot?”, Tendo chuckles to himself but you recognize the hurt simmering underneath the humor. It hurts you, too.
“Well, did you date?”, your impatience feels surprising but there’s no time to dwell upon unfamiliar feelings, not as Satori hums with a lethargic nod.
“Yeah, a few times”.
“They didn’t ask about your mark?”.
Tendo’s lips twitch as he remembers how ecstatic the women he went out with were upon finding out that not only his mark didn’t match theirs, he didn’t even have one to begin with. He was the safest option they could ever date, no risk of forever.
“It’s easier to date someone you know you’re not gonna end up with”, he shrugs, “they felt more comfortable, it was fun and momentary, thus risk-free”.
You click your tongue in disapproval and Tendo cocks his head, confused by your scowl.
“They, they, they. I always hated this about you, you’re always focusing on what other people think. I want to know, how did you feel?”.
Maybe it’s the wine or maybe it’s the fact that you’re about to become a fugitive presence in his life once more, but for once Satori feels like huffing out his frustration.
“Like shit”, he admits with a sly smile, “I could fall for just about anyone and I’ll always know they’re not my person. I won’t ever have a person and it makes me feel like shit”.
You’re not sure why tears are suddenly pricking the corners of your eyes. Maybe it’s because it’s really hard to remember the last time Satori allowed himself to be vulnerable around you. It always felt like he talked more to Wakatoshi, man to man or whatever. You never felt like you could be fully there for him and now it’s almost too late again, only a few hours before you fly off to the other side of the world.
“I hate them”, you murmur, “it’s just cruel. You’re not supposed to be anyone’s temporary fixing”.
“I’m not ever going to be anything but that”.
“No, Satori-”, in the process of positioning yourself better in order to face him, you kick the not entirely empty glass previously resting by your leg. It’s gonna leave a stain but you’ll find a way to take care of it before you leave, this is more urgent. This requires you taking your friend’s face into your hands, to bring it closer to your determined gaze. “That’s not true. The universe doesn’t know shit, okay? I know you. You don’t need a fucking mark. In fact, you know what? I’m happy you don’t have one. Thank god. I-”, he gently puts his hands over yours and leans over to tenderly kiss your forehead. Your train of thought derails as he fixes you with an amused, fond stare.
“It’s okay. Really”, Tendo lowers your hands and then leaves them cold, head falling to the side, cheek pressed to the orange duvet cover of his bed. You’re pouting, looking more beautiful than ever underneath the dim lights of his room, and so he can’t hold his tongue.
“You know, I find it incredible that you haven’t been able to find your person yet, universe or not. How’s it possible that someone as wonderful as you is being dumped by complete idiots just because they believe in some stupid pre-decided romantic assignation?”.
You mirror his position and rest your head on the softness of his bed. Despite being still on the floor, it almost feels as if you’re lying next to each other.
“They don’t believe I’m wonderful. I guess I’m just momentary, too”.
He scoffs. Deep down, Tendo also believes everyone should be granted the freedom to pursue their desired relationship, especially you. Don’t they know how lucky they are? You ignore destiny to give those dumbasses a chance and they leave before they even get to realize what they’re missing out upon.
“I think marks are bullshit”, Satori gently takes your hand and traces your fingers with his own slowly, eyes still boring into yours, “in a world with no marks, they’d be on their knees thanking their lucky star you showed interest in them at all”.
You hum, a soft smile tugging at your lips.
Before Tendo interrupted your little motivational speech, you were about to tell him why it makes you happy that he doesn’t have a mark after all. Looking at him now, it’s all the more clear. It’s horrible and selfish and childish but, this way, you will never have to go through it: you’ll never have to find out that the one person who’s always been by your side, the one person who knows you better than you know yourself and still manages to love you, also isn’t the one.
Tendo is the greatest person you know, the only one you’d trust with your life. His heart is your favorite part of him: always stayed big enough to fit in all those who asked for access, kindness embedded so deep within him he never let the world’s cruelty affect it. Satori never stored an ounce of that nastiness people loved oh so much throwing at him, it let it become an armor instead. Steel made of insults, cruel jokes, mockery. It breaks your heart that he still wears it. It would break your heart to discover that someone like him isn’t destined to be yours after all, that the universe wouldn’t be benevolent enough to assign the best friend you ever had as your soulmate.
“You don’t mean that”.
You blink, slowly, actually fighting to keep your eyes open.
“What?”.
“What you just said. You’re drunk”, he chuckles quietly and, horrifyingly, you realize your mouth decided to voice those thoughts out loud.
The shock lasts a few seconds. Tendo is no longer fiddling with your fingers but your hand is still in his and the more you look into those crimson irises, the less uncomfortable you feel about what you just said. Is it the wine or is it just right?
“You think I wouldn’t be happy if the universe assigned you as my soulmate?”.
“I think you wouldn’t hate it”, Tendo softly ponders, “but that’d be far from ideal”.
“Hey, you don’t get to decide that. Me and the universe would be agreeing for once”.
Satori swears his heart skips a bit. All those years, all that badly harbored hope, the entirety of his restraint crumbling pathetically after a few drops of expensive wine. You don’t mean that, you can’t mean that.
“You could look at me like that?”, the question is supposed to underline how ridiculous the idea is, but he realizes he just sounds wishful.
“I know you think it’d be hard but it really isn’t”, you laugh softly. You’re looking at him like that right now. As you abstendmindedly play with his fingers, thumb gently rubbing circles on the skin of his wrist, you appreciate the pink dusting his cheeks, the slightly furrowed brows, the sweetness of his questioning gaze.
Tendo exhales slowly. Neither of you is resting their head on his bed anymore, too captivated by each other. “I’m not sure I’d survive the discovery of you of all people, not being the one I’d be destined to stand with for the rest of my life. Because what a waste would be, for that person to be someone else”, it’s nothing but a whisper, raw honesty doing something funny to his stomach as it slips past his lips for the first time. There’s no one but you, honestly. He knows there’ll never be anyone else. The universe has planned love for those around him and an eternal curse for his heart.
“A terrible waste”, you agree and the hand not busy interlacing your fingers with his, suddenly closes around the soft fabric of his hoodie to bring him closer. Satori doesn’t dare move, let alone breathe, effectively paralyzed by the idea of indulging something you’ll regret the second it happens.
Except you don’t. When you kiss him, tentative at first, all the pieces fall right into place. Your lips curl into a small, knowing smile as the world slows down. Then finally, finally, he kisses you back. It’s deeper, a hand pressing to your cheek, it’s corrodingly tender and you feel yourself melting into his touch, into the genuine reverence he holds for you.
Tendo feels something unravel from within, the tangles and knots of hurt, uncertainty, combust and disappear into thin ashes. He’s too lost in the moment, too drunk on how close you’re holding him as your tongue brushes against his own, to pay any attention to the itchy feeling over the skin of his wrist. Right where your thumb is pressing, a crooked triangle appears at last.
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froggiewrites · 3 days
Text
Unknown / Nth
Pairing: Shanks x Reader
NSFW
Summary: You don't know if Shanks will still be here tomorrow morning. You don't know if you should be doing this at all. But you can't help but indulge yourself tonight, if only to create another memory you'll yearn for later. Warnings: Smut, Angst (With A Happy Ending), Exes to Lovers/Second Chances, A LOT of Yearning Word Count: 4.4k
You thought you were dreaming, the first moment you saw him in the bar, head thrown back with laughter, a little sake running down his chin and catching the light. You were still convinced as you approached, vision blurred with unshed tears. It was only once he turned around, smile wide and ready, obviously aware of you from the moment you stepped in the room, and said your name that you knew that this was truly and definitively real.
You don’t know whether or not it’s a good thing, but your heart sings anyway.
“Long time no see!” His grin doesn’t waver a moment, but you can still see the slight tension in his shoulders, the unease lurking in his eyes. He doesn’t know what to say to you, not after all this time. You used to know him like the back of your hand, but the man in front of you is practically a stranger. You imagine he feels much the same about you.
“Yeah, it’s been a while.” You can’t smile as brightly as he does, no matter how excited part of you is to see him again. You’re weighed down by years of grief, of longing, and you’ve never been a good liar. “A lot’s changed.” You glance down at where his arm used to be, the hand that had once held you so tenderly.
He laughs. “Yeah, I guess it has. But not too much.” You don’t know what he’s implying with that, but there’s a weight to the words, a sort of finality to them. “You should sit down. We have a lot to catch up on.”
“I shouldn’t,” she says, already in the chair he gestured to.
He laughs. It’s such a beautiful, familiar sound, something unchanged by the years between the man she used to know and the man who is. “I’ve always been great at convincing you to do the things you shouldn’t, haven’t I?”
You don’t know whether he realizes the gravity of what he’s said. Sometimes everything about him seems so free, so spontaneous, and others it seems like he knows everything that has, can, and will happen, and his hands are the ones making the cogs of the world turn.
But he really had always been so wonderful at convincing you. You had been reluctant to take the next step to lovers. You had told him such, several times, but he had always soothed away your worries with a bubbling laugh that always put you at ease.
I'm afraid of losing you, you had told him.
And he, to his credit, didn't tell you you never could. A calculated risk, he had called it. And I have a good feeling about this one.
You had never been an excellent gambler.
How horrible, to go from friends to lovers to nothing. You didn’t know how to be someone without him. Waking up to an empty bed was one thing, but ordering one drink instead of two, hearing a joke you know he’d love and being unable to share it with him, collecting trinkets just for them to collect dust when you realize you have no one to give them to, it weighs on you. In weaker moments, you can still feel his hands on you, hear his laughter in the wind, see the sparkle of his eyes behind you in the mirror. Haunted by the ghost of all you had and lost.
You never know which to call it: the day you lost him or the day he lost you. It doesn't matter, really, since his warmth left your side all the same, but you can't help but stick on the point anyway. Who took the bigger blow? You had loved him so deeply he had etched himself into your bones down to the marrow, but you would never accuse him of loving you with anything less than his all. Maybe you both lost in the end, a mutually assured destruction that had ended with nothing left of you but scraps.
But you’ve grieved for years, years that are long behind you. In front of you is the man you loved, grinning wildly, leaning in very purposefully to give you a look at his chest and abs under his shirt. He always knew his happy trail drove you wild, and now he does everything he can to ensure you see it. You can’t help but laugh at him. “You aren’t subtle, Shanks.”
“No one’s ever accused me of subtlety. That’s not usually what I’m going for.” His eyes crinkle when he smiles, and you notice lines that weren’t there when you saw him last. You wonder if the joy you brought him helped forge them, or if maybe it was all that came after that made its mark. Is there anything left of you with him?
You move to order a drink for yourself, but before you can speak to the bartender it’s already sat in front of you. Shanks ordered for you before you even approached. “Wow, you sure were confident.”
“Of course I was! How could you ever walk in here and not come and see me?” A slight twitch of his lip, a weakness in his smile, betrays insecurity. He absolutely thought you might have left without a word.
“Maybe I would have gotten nervous and ran. I’ve done that enough in my life.”
“Not to me. You always came to me.” His eyes are soft, filled with an affection that makes you ache.
“Maybe I changed. Maybe I got worse.”
“Not possible. Not you. No matter what the world threw at you, you would never let it break you down.”
“I think you think too much of me.”
“I think maybe I just know you better than you know yourself.” His smile isn’t smug, which is almost worse. He’s being devastatingly genuine, far more than you expected when you sat down. “You never had enough faith in yourself. Has that changed at all?”
You want to lie. God, you want to lie. But staring into his eyes you know you can’t. “No, it hasn’t. It might have gotten worse.”
He sighs softly, and he’s close enough that you can feel the rush of air on your face. “I had a feeling.” He pauses for a moment, before leaning back and taking a swig from his drink. “But tonight isn’t the time to unpack that. We’re two old friends having a drink. We should celebrate!”
It stings more than you expected. “Old friends, huh? That’s what this is?”
“It certainly sounds nicer than calling you the one who got away.”
“I got away?”
“And I never should have let you.” Another sip of his drink. “But really, we should talk about something happier, don’t you think? How’s life been?”
You want to press the issue, but his eyes are slightly pleading, and you think maybe you have more sway over him than you ever expected, an ability to press onto his weak spots hard enough to hurt. You used to think he was unshakable, invincible, but now you wonder if perhaps long ago he had gifted you a knife that could perfectly slip between his ribs if you so chose, if you ever developed the penchant for cruelty.
So you don’t press. You tell him about your life, how things have been since he left. He listens with rapt attention, holding onto your every word. He doesn’t share much about his own life, but you’re too caught up in the intoxication of his attention to care. It feels so wonderful to have those eyes on you again, if only for a while. It loosens your lips, makes you say things you never thought you’d be willing to admit.
"You know, there were times in my life I was convinced you were an angel. A gift from heaven, just for me."
"What convinced you otherwise?"
"I got to know you."
"Ouch!"
"No, no. It's not...you're just so...human. It's a compliment, I promise." It doesn't come out right, as you stumble over your words like you're sixteen again, every part of you slightly too big, too clumsy, too you. You don't know how to tell him that being him is the best thing a person could be. You could never love an angel the way you loved that man.
“I didn’t think you’d have many compliments left for me.”
You don’t know how to disagree with that. You certainly shouldn’t. But there’s a place in your heart carved out in his shape, and you’ve never been able to fill it with anything else. “I have almost nothing but, really.”
He smiles, wearier this time, tired down to the bone. “You’ve always been too good to me.”
You’ve always been too good for me, so what a pair we make. You don’t let the thought leave your lips, not today. But you suspect he might be able to see it in your face. He’s always been able to look you in the eyes and know exactly what you’re thinking. It’s one of his greatest strengths, and one of the things that tore you apart. You were never on equal footing, the wonderful liar and his woefully honest love. 
“So…anybody else you’ve got nothing but compliments for?”
“That was an awful segue.”
“I’m doing my best.”
You can’t help but laugh. “If you’re asking if I’m with someone, no, I’m not.”
“Why not?”
“I thought we were supposed to keep this to happy topics?”
“So it’s a sad reason.”
“It’s a normal reason!” It’s not, but he doesn’t need to know that.
“Whatever you say,” he chuckles, moving closer once again. He’s been slowly pulling your stools closer together throughout the night, inching his way into your space. With this final push, he allows himself a moment with his arm around your shoulder, so close to familiar, but not quite. He used to hold you with his dominant arm, the one he lost. You wonder if it feels strange to him, too, to be so close to the past, inches away from what was, but unable to fully bridge that gap. His drink sits on the counter, unattended, abandoned in favor of your warmth. “No matter the reason, I’m glad to hear it.”
“Oh? And why is that?”
“I think you know.”
“I think I want to hear you say it.”
“Oh, well how could I ever deny a request from you?” He leans closer, brushing his lips against your ear. “I want you.”
You flush, and suddenly you aren’t a tired pirate, filled with regrets and lost in nostalgia. Instead you’re twenty, and the beautiful boy you’ve been in love with has finally looked at you with all of the longing you thought you were alone in. You’re giddy and terrified and yearning all at once, but you can handle it, because he’s right there to catch you, just like he’s always been. You remember very well what it’s like to love him. You don’t know if you ever stopped. You would tell him, had he not flustered you so thoroughly you can hardly bring yourself to speak.
“I wasn’t sure if I’d still have that effect on you.” He’s grinning, the smugness offset by his obvious boyish glee.
“How could I ever resist?” It comes out barely a whisper, eeks out of your lips before you can stop it.
“Can I do what I do best?”
“What’s that?”
His eyes glance longingly down at your lips as he mutters, “Convince you to do something you shouldn’t.”
Tomorrow, you expect to wake up to cold sheets and an empty bed. Tomorrow you will be left with nothing but a longing for what you could have had, had things been different. Tomorrow you will scream and cry and curse yourself for daring to give yourself a taste of it, knowing this time would be the last. But it is not tomorrow yet, and he looks beautiful in the light, a decade younger and kinder, just like you remember him.
You let him kiss you.
And god, how cruel he was, for kissing you like it mattered. Like he always used to, dragging it out, lips following you even as you pulled away. He always kissed you like it would be your last.
His hand grips your hip tightly, as though he’s terrified you’ll turn to smoke beneath his fingertips, as though the moment he lets you you will slip through his fingers. Your chests press together, your hearts beating loudly, calling to each other through the small amount of space that separates them. A greeting to an old friend.
Your walk to your inn room is frenzied, his hand never leaving you, your lips hardly parting for a moment. You would thank the cover of darkness for maintaining your dignity if you were capable of worrying about anything other than the feeling of his skin beneath your fingers when you slide them beneath his shirt. You hear nothing except for his frantic breath in the small moments you part, the soft sighs that leave him when his hands find another part of your body to refamiliarize himself with.
You barely feel your back hit the bed. It is only when he finally pulls back a moment that you catch your breath and realize where you are. You could still back out. Still allow yourself to go back to the numbness, the grief surrounding you like a blanket, keeping you not comfortable but certainly safe.
Your fingers find the bottom of your shirt, throwing it to the side carelessly. Your fingers struggle with the clasp of your bra for a moment, frantic to get it off, to feel his fingers and mouth on your chest again after years of dreaming of them. You look up to see him shirtless, having fought a panicked battle with fabric of his own. He’s staring at you, mouth agape, his look something resembling wonder. He’s not simply admiring you, or doing something as disconnecting, glorifying, as worship. He’s simply adoring you, taking in the sight of you and tucking it away in his heart, treating you as something to be remembered. Something he will carry with him for the rest of his life if he has the choice.
“You’re just as beautiful as I remember you.” His voice is hardly a whisper, the words feeling almost like a confession of something more.
“So are you,” you murmur, moving slowly to run your fingers across his abdomen. He’s still built sturdily, and you can feel his muscles tense slightly underneath your fingers.
“I’ve dreamed of this. So, so many times.” He comes closer, his next words nearly directly against your lips. “I might have seen you more in my dreams than I ever did in reality. You’ve haunted me.” With that he kisses you again, tenderly, like an apology. There isn’t a heat or urgency like there was before, only affection and longing. You can feel in every movement of his mouth and tongue how he has wanted you, waited for you.
He slides onto the bed, pulling you onto his lap, pressing your bare chests together with his arm wrapped around your waist. His mouth moves to your neck, nipping gently, trying to find a spot he could once find in an instant. It takes him only a moment before he finds your sweet spot, making you moan softly. When you do, he lets out a soft groan. “God, I’ve missed that sound.”
You grind down slightly on his lap, making him let out a soft surprised noise of his own. You can’t help the giggle that comes out of you, girlish and joyous. “And I’ve missed that sound.” You grind down again, electricity shooting up your spine. “And that feeling.”
“Oh yeah? Haven’t felt that a lot since…” He trails off.
“They haven’t been you.” The weight of the words don’t hit you until they’re already out, but they don’t shatter the fragile bubble you two have found yourself in. All they do is make him give you a lovesick grin that threatens to rip your heart from your chest.
“Oh, sweetheart…” Another nip at your neck, and a callused hand sliding up your torso to your chest. “I’d give anything for it to have been me.”
“It’s you now.” It’s always been you.
“So it is. I’ll make sure you never forget tonight.” His mouth moves lower, his tongue and teeth lightly grazing over your nipples, making you grab his shoulders to ground yourself as a shiver works its way up your spine. His mouth is on one breast, his hand on the other, and he takes his sweet time working you up. He’s determined to appreciate you with all of the time he’s been granted, ensure that you know how much he’s savoring this moment. It’s only once you’re panting, hips jerking lightly without permission, that he eases up his attacks and starts working his way to the main event.
He lifts you slightly, just enough to slide your pants and panties off in one go. “Show off,” you mutter, no fire behind it.
“Only for you.” What should be a cheeky grin is too softened by the mood, turning to something sickly sweet. He taps your thigh lightly, an indication to stay elevated, and starts to unbuckle his pants before your hands reach out to stop him.
“Let me.” You wish your voice weren’t so desperate, but you’ve been dreaming of this moment for years, and you want so badly to live it how you’ve always wanted to.
He chuckles. “Of course, dear.”
Your hands make quick work of his belt as it’s flung to the side, but you take your time slowly working off his pants. The tent in his boxers is huge, almost bigger than you remember, but you don’t take long to stare at it. You save that for when you finally slide off his underwear, exposing his cock to your hungry eyes. It’s exactly as you remember, long and veiny and twitching with want. You slowly reach a hand to it, wrapping your fist around it, then the other, pumping slowly and appreciating the weight in your hand. He lets out a soft groan, head falling forward, eyes falling closed, allowing for you to admire his body without fear of embarrassment.
You seize the moment you can, eyes scraping over every inch of him, updating him in your memory, adding every new wrinkle, scar, every part of him that’s new to you. You never thought he could grow more beautiful, more perfect, more him, but somehow he managed. There’s more hair on his chest now, more scars on his legs, more evidence of the hard life you knew he led as an emperor. You’re determined to memorize every inch, so now at least when you dream of him it will be him as he is instead of as he was.
He makes a strangled noise when you lean down to take him in your mouth, to see if his taste has changed as well. You’re pleased to know it hasn’t, as you slowly move up and down his shaft as your hands continue to work him. The weight of him in your mouth is almost comforting in its familiarity, something between you two that has remained wholly and truly unchanged. His moans grow deeper when one of your hands moves to his balls and his hips lurch forward slightly. You remove your mouth just to take one final long lick up his cock, one that once again causes him to shiver and groan.
He makes a quiet noise somewhere between disappointment and relief when you fully remove your hands and mouth from him and begin to straddle him again. “I really didn’t want to finish before the main event. I don’t have the stamina I used to.”
You laugh at him. “You liar. One, you’re not even forty, you shouldn’t act like an old man. Second, you’ve only gotten stronger since then. No way in hell have you lost any endurance.”
“Me, lie to you?” He places a hand on his chest in mock offense. “Never!”
“So you admit you’re weaker than you used to be? An unpracticed lover?”
“Well…maybe I was lying this one time.” He leans forward to kiss you again, a quick peck at the corner of your mouth. He reaches down to align himself with your entrance before he begins to thrust in slowly and carefully. His hand moves to your hip, resting there as you both quietly moan at the feeling of you stretching him out.
He leans your foreheads together when he finally bottoms out, both of you panting quietly and getting used to the feeling. It’s blissful, to finally be filled so perfectly after thinking about it for so very long. You fit together perfectly, two puzzle pieces made for each other.
“You ready, sweetheart?”
“Please,” you mewl.
“Of course.” With that he easily grips your hip to help you ride him, rutting up into you as you come down. The sound of skin slapping makes you feel light headed, leaning your head forward to rest in Shanks’ neck. The room feels burning hot, but despite the heat radiating off of his skin, you need to feel every inch of him. You feel as though you’ll float away if you don’t ground yourself here, with him, perfectly intertwined in a way you could never be with anybody else.
“I’ve missed this,” he gasps out as he hits particularly deep, making you cry out. “You feel so wonderful, sweetheart. So perfect.”
You try to respond, but he hits your sweet spot again, so you can only let out a choked cry against his neck. He presses his nose into your hair, and you can feel him smile against you. “That’s right, just like that. Let me hear it.”
And so you do. You don’t hold back a single sound, crying out for him louder and louder until you’re sure the entire inn can hear. You can’t bring yourself to care. You can feel the heat rising, the pulsing spreading through you, and you don’t give a damn about anything other than the man beneath and inside of you.
“So close, almost there.” Another thrust, another cry, and you are teetering on the edge, ready to let yourself fall.
“Let it out, sweetheart. Cum with me.” You tighten around him as you feel your release fly through you and Shanks’ pulse inside of you. He continues to thrust through your orgasm, ensuring you take every last drop of him as deep inside as you can. When you come back to yourself, he’s running his fingers lightly through your hair, pressing loving kisses to the top of your head. “That was perfect.”
You can’t help your smile. You nuzzle against his neck, and his hand drops from your head to your back, pulling you closer. You both lay for what feels like hours, Shanks soft inside of you, as both of you refuse to move and shatter the moment.
Eventually, Shanks pulls out, cum slowly starting to leak out of you, as he gently shifts you both so he’s laying on his back with you on his chest. You can hear his heartbeat, steady like a drum, pounding in his chest. You’d missed that sound.
You don’t remember falling asleep. You only remember waking up still feeling warm and safe, and the quiet confusion that comes with it. You were sure he would be back on his ship by now, halfway to a new island, a new adventure, and someone else to share his bed with. Someone with less baggage, or at least some that can be left by the door. Instead he’s here, in this bed, staring down at you with a tenderness that could bring you to tears if you let it.
“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty.” He brushes your hair lightly from his face.
“Does that make you Prince Charming?”
He laughs. “God no. I’m the handsome and roguish pirate that’s here to steal his princess away.”
Your heart stutters in your chest. “Is that what you’re going to do?”
“Hm?”
“Steal me away? Is that your plan?” You try to keep the hope out of your voice.
"We're leaving tomorrow. You could..." He trails off, an uncharacteristic hesitation. You never used to do this to him, make him lose his sure footing. You don't know how to feel about changing from home to unsteady ground, somewhere he has to tread carefully lest he fall right through. He doesn't finish his question, doesn't get brave enough to risk it. Instead he looks at you with wide, pleading eyes that beg for a return to something you can't even fully remember the feeling of.
I can't, you want to say.
"I don't know," your mouth betrays, vulnerability seeping through. He's always been good at that, striping someone down to their center, exposing the softness they desperately try to hide.
"I don't know either," he mutters. "But I'd... I'd like it if you did. I've missed you."
"I've missed you too."
“You don’t have to miss me anymore. Not if you don’t want to.” His hand is gentle as it caresses your cheek. You close your eyes and lean in, soaking up the feeling. You want to. You want to so badly you could scream. But there’s a terror inside of you, a part of you where the wound he left never closed. You don’t know if you can risk tearing the rest of it open again. You don’t know if you’ll survive it.
His voice goes soft again, saying the one word that brings down your defenses instantly. “Please. Please come with me. I can’t lose you again.”
You know he could still hurt you. Could still rip you open in an instant if you let him, expose your soft insides and destroy every part of you you managed to keep safe the first time. You know this intimately. But somehow it doesn’t sway you as much as his quiet desperation, his admittance that perhaps you could do the very same to him, and he would let you.
“You don’t have to.”
“You mean…”
“I’ll go with you.”
His smile rivals the sun. “You won’t regret it.”
You might. But you can’t quite bring yourself to care.
Tag List: @pandora-writes-one-piece
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dragon-kazansky · 2 days
Text
The song in our hearts
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Lestat De Lioncourt x Female Reader
A musician with a heart that sings and an admirer who wishes to see his songbird thrive. Two beings in different worlds get caught up in each other when someone threatens to steal his songbird's spotlight. Loving Lestat isn't simple, and your life will never be the same again. What is eternity without chaos?
{Masterlist}
{Previous Chapter} - {Next Chapter}
Chapter Six - Just a drop
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Lestat escorted you from the theater all the way to his house. You didn't even hesitate to go with him. It was like everything in your life was simply leading back to him.
You weren't sure if that was of your own free will or not yet. There was still a long way to go with Lestat.
As you stepped into his house you froze at the entrance of the living room. You found yourself staring at the couch. Last time you were here, Noah was bleeding out and Lestat was drinking from him…
“We can go upstairs if you wish.”
You're startled by his voice. You turn and put on a smile. “I'm okay.” You look at him. He looks at you. “It's… not a great feeling being in a room I know someone literally died in.”
Lestat caresses your chin with his finger. He guides your head toward him. “Don't think about him anymore. He's gone. Now it's just you and me.”
You keep your eyes on him, but you're thinking about the couch.
“Non, Chéri. Thoughts on me.”
“Are you always going to read my mind?”
“Not always. Only when you're clearly deep in thought.” He lowers his hand, but he doesn't tear his eyes away from you. “Which is a lot.”
“Don't get smart with me, vampire.”
He chuckles, though it sounds like he's mocking you a little. “Use my name. I like how it sounds from your lips.”
This man knows no bounds.
“You're pushing my buttons.”
“The right ones?” He grins. Lestat leans in close to your ear. “Don't deny yourself the pleasure. I'm yours, tonight, tomorrow, and every night after.”
Your breath hitches. His grin gross wide.
“You want me, non? You wrote me a song. You think about me daily. You look for me in the crowd. You took my hand and felt me bring you here. I know you. I know your thoughts.” He smirks. “Humans think of only three things most of the time. Money. Home. Sex.”
You feel a shiver run down your spine. You can't hide anything from him. He's listening to your inner thoughts.
“Damn it.”
He grins. “Just say it. Tell me what you want. Better yet, show me.”
You stare into those beautiful blue eyes. It's too late to even change your mind. He knows. You don't even bother pretending as you reach out and grab his jacket. You pull him forward and kiss him. Lestat returns the kiss hungrily, his hands clawing at your waist. You can feel his long nails digging in slightly.
He guides backwards toward the couch but you stop him. “Not here.”
He sighs against your lips. “Understood, Chéri.”
Lestat entwined his fingers with yours and guided you upstairs. You keep your eyes on him as you follow him. He moves slow, almost like a cat stalking a mouse. He guides you into a room and you both coke to a stop.
A coffin is sitting in the middle of the room. You turn your head toward Lestat slowly.
“Are you afraid?”
“You don't… want me to get in there… do you?”
Lestat leaves your side and approaches the coffin. He opens the top and let's you look inside. There's nothing in there, not that you thought there would be. He clearly sleeps here.
“Do you want to?” He asks.
“No…”
Lestat closes it again and sits on top. He looks at you for a long few moments, silence sitting heavy between you both.
“Come here.” He holds out his hand.
You stare at it. Your heart was pounding in your chest and a part of you was afraid again. Lestat had this effect on you. Even so, you reach out and take his hand. He guides you closer to him.
“There is something I want.”
He stands up, standing as close to you as possible. You can't tear your gaze away from him. You feel like you're breathing too loudly. 
Lestat smiles. “Stop thinking, Chéri.”
His arm wraps around your waist and pulls you against his chest. You have no choice but to look at him. He grins. You can see his teeth. He's not even pretending any more.
“I want a taste,” he says quietly. His accent seems thicker somehow.
“Blood?”
He grins again. Of course, your blood.
“You're nervous.”
You nod your head. Didn't you have every right to be nervous? Vampires exist and head one of them. This man who had been admiring you and your music for so long was showing you his life in the dark.
Relax.
You closed your eyes and grabbed his shirt with one hand. You heard him chuckle. He leans you back, dipping you. You can feel your own heart rate pick up, and you know he knows too.
The hair falls from your shoulder, following the rules of gravity. You're almost tempted to open your eyes and look at him, but resist.
Lestat presses his lips against your skin. You gasp softly. He teases you with small kisses, making sure you feel every single one. You want to kiss him properly. You want his lips on yours.
He chuckles. He's still reading your thoughts. “All in good time, Chéri.”
You don't even get time to process what he's doing next. A sharp pain radiates from your neck and you open your eyes wide. Lestat has bitten you. You can feel your blood in your veins. He's drinking it. Drinking you.
Both your hands cling to him now. Lestat isn't phased by it. He's too focused on how wonderful you taste. You're so warm. So full of life.
Your hand slips from his arm and Lestat detaches himself from your neck. Blood trails down his chin as he looks at you. You're looking up at him through half lidded eyes.
“Beautiful.”
Your breathing is shallow and he knows you don't have the strength to get up by yourself. He lifts you up and carries you back downstairs. He lays you down on the sofa and puts a cushion behind your head.
You look so pretty.
Lestat caresses your hair gently with one hand. He takes this time to admire you. You're still looking up at him. He smiles softly at you. You're dazed. Of course you are. He drank enough to weaken you. Enough for you to have to stay here.
He removes his hand from your hair and cuts his finger with his nail. He gazes at you with an intense look. “Some of you for some of me.” Lestat isn't entirely sure if you had comprehended what he said. Still, he brings his finger to your lips and grins as you take it. You don't even question it.
“Sleep, Chéri.” 
You give in and close your eyes. Your hand rests in Lestat's lap. He takes it in his hand, fingers resting over your pulse. He smiles.
When you wake up, you're alone. You sit up slowly and last night comes rushing back to you. The theater, Lestat, your blood. You reach up and touch your neck. There's two little lumps where his teeth had been embedded into your flesh. It wasn't a dream.
You're smiling. Why are you smiling? He bit you. He's real. Lestat is a vampire.
A cup hovers near your face and you look at it. You follow the arm up to find Lestat looking at you. “Coffee?”
You take the cup. “Thank you.”
Lestat takes a seat beside you and leaves his arm hanging around the back of the sofa behind you. You're very much aware of his hand almost brushing your shoulder.
“How was it?” You ask, glancing at him.
He grins, an amused and satisfied grin. “Delicious.”
Your cheeks feel warm. “Better than you imagined.”
“Far better.” His fingers stretch out and brush gently against your hair. The sensation causes you to shiver. Lestat's lips twitch at the sight.
He has you in palm of his hand and you don't even realise it.
“How was it for you?” He asks, eyes not even blinking as he watches you.
“It was….” You trail off as you think about to last night. The feeling of his teeth piercing into your neck. The feeling of your blood flowing through your veins. His lips on your skin, his hands on your body. “It was thrilling.”
Lestat, pleased with your comment, leans forward. You dare to turn your head and look at him. “Do you remember anything else?” He asks.
“I…”
Flashes come from your memory. Broken fragments as he drained you to the point of unconsciousness. The taste of something strange lingers on your tongue. You reach up and touch your lip slightly.
“Blood. Your blood.”
“My blood is inside of you. Rather intimate, non?” He chuckles.
“Why?”
His eyes seem to light up. “You will see soon. Dearest, you have no idea the fun we are going to have. You're going to thrive and you're going to want more.”
You're not entirely sure of his words, but you also don't question him. There's a glint in his eyes you can't decipher.
Lestat leans in closer now touching you. You don't push him away so he makes himself comfortable. His arm rests around your shoulder and he guides you gently into his side. There is no space left between you.
You can't help feeling this is what he was after all along.
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@awanderingghost @theprettiesthead @cosmixstar @theblueslytherin @katherine2098 @sawendel @floofdeloop @sitkafay @bigbaddie45 @bluscryn
@secretisme4 @darkqueen1995 @bridkesby @caribbeangal @sarcasticandfangirl @missjadesfics @kaybart19
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yuyu1024 · 8 hours
Text
Lettuce
Pairings: Mingyu × y/n
Genre/tags: non idol, dating
Warning: 🔞 fluff but still smut, pet names (babes, baby, love, honey, sweetheart etc.), cursing, unportected/protected sex (always be safe), kinks (size, breeding, tits, etc), mention of small age gap, mention of low self-esteem/confidence and insecurities
~~~ [lmk if i miss anything]
Words: 2.6k
Disclaimers:
- this story is just made up
- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊
A/N: been away. I didnt know if I should post this or delete but then... I dont want effort to go to waste so.. 😅 i hope this is an okay one.
Have a nice day.
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"Are you still waiting for your ride home?"
You look at the group of girls standing a few feet away from you. They are from the department across your office.
"Is your boyfriend late?" She adds a follow up question
You smile, "I am." You cautiously asks.
They are not your friends so you are not comfortable to share more than that. And also they are known to be the gossipers in the officr so, any details about your personal life would be the next topic for the next few weeks if you share anything with them.
"It's already late... are you sure he's still coming?" One girl asks.
Luckily, the bus arrives just in time for them to hurry in. No time for you to even chat with them anymore.
"Thank goodness..." you sigh feeling relieved.
*pings*
🐶: sorry, im late. 😭
🐶: i helped an old lady cross the street.
🐶: didn't know she would ask me to also help her get boxes of soju in her shop.
🐶: she admitted to pretending to struggle crossing the street so she can ask anyone to help her and his son 🙃 and then made me buy a whole bunch of lettuce.
🐶: like a whoke bunch😶
🐶: you like lettuce right babe?😚
You smile as you read your boyfriend's text. You don't know if its you imagining him pouting because he feels sorry he made you wait or its because he felt used and scammed.
💖: you're so silly.
💖: its still a good deed so its okay 😊
🐶: but i am 10mins late.
🐶: i cant let my princess wait for me.
💖: i can wait. As long as its you... ♥️
You see him read the message and then not reply.
"Hello stranger..."
You got startled when Mingyu embraces you from behind and kissed you on the cheek.
"Yah! You scared me." You slap his arm
"Sorry..." he giggles and kissed you again. This time on the lips.
"Stop..." you say, blushing. "We are outside."
"So...?" He grins and then puts his arm around you. "We are a couple. Who the fuck cares?"
You roll your eyes. "You know people judge..."
"No... they are just jealous because I am dating a wonderful woman..."
You shake your head. "No... they are not jealous because of me..." you push him away. Forcing a laugh. "Probably because you look good in that double denim look."
Here you go again with your self pity and self judging. You always do this. 'This' notion that you are way below over any other girl and that you are just lucky Mingyu is your boyfriend. You always make an effort to put yourself down without even noticing that Mingyu does not like it.
He fucking loves you. Inside and out. From head to toe. From front to back. He even loves it when you are not at your best behavior nor position. He just... loves you. Period.
But on your end, even with a million reassurance, you always doubt yourself for him.
***
Arriving at his apartment, the first thing you did was announce that you are going to take a shower. You didn't even looked at him when you said it. You're not mad at him or whatever. You are just guilty and feel sorry for being down out of the blue. You didn't even talked that much during the ride home.
"Hey..." he takes you by your arm and pulls you close for an embrace. He kissed the top of your head and then forehead. "Take your time... I'm going to cook dinner."
You smile with no teeth showing. "Okay..." your voice sounding almost a whisper.
"Anything in particular you want? We have meat, fish and vegetables... like a lot of lettuce..." referring to the whole plastic the old lady sell him. "You want something with soup or fried? Ramyun or pasta?"
"Hmm... I like pasta... and a salad on a side?"
"Okay... as you wish my princess..."
The whole apartment smells like a five star restaurant. The fragrance is to die for and makes your mouth water. When you got out of the bedroom, hair still damp, you got suprised by how extravagant Mingyu arranged the dining area. Fancy plates, lit candles, wine glasses and a bottle of his favorite red win. All of a sudden, iy felt like you entered an Italian restaurant wearing your baby pink pajamas and hello kitty slippers.
"Hi, babe." Mingyu is a ray of sunshine while putting on a few more finishing touches on the table. "Ready to eat?"
"Aww..." your heart is aching with pure joy. He is the sweetest man alive.
You stumble your way to him, caused by your own feet. He managed to catch you giggling with you. You look silly but he find it cute. And then as your eyes met he immediately captures your lips for a kiss. Small pecks that got deeper and more seductive. The kisses are loud that it echoes and bounce off the walls of the apartment. He can't also stop touching every curve of your body. From your hips, to your ass and to your tits. He even lifted your shirt so he can access your bra and yank one side down exposing you boob.
"M-mingyu...." you giggle as you try to pull away from the kiss. He does not want to let you go. He keeps on chasing your pink lips whenever a gap starts to build in betweem his. "We need to eat... the food will get cold..."
He didn't answer. He leans lower so he could give love on your exposed bud. He suck it first before he lets his tongue lick it and make your squirm.
"M-mingyu..." you inhale. "The food...?"
He finally lets you go, smiling. "Fine." He chased one more kiss. "But after we eat..." and another one. "I'd like to go straight to dessert." And another one. "You know I love my dessert." He says, bitting his lower lip while grinning like a mad dog.
"You're crazy!" You pinch his nose.
"Crazy over you..." he growls and suddenly picks you up off the floor. He puts your legs around his waist and you automatically hang your arms over his shoulder to hold on.
"Yah!"
"I can't wait. I think I want to begin our dinner with dessert first." His eyes is filled with desire and he is ready to wreck you.
Kicking the door open to your bedroom, Mingyu lays you down gently but in a hurry at the same time. He is on a mission. He is not going to make love to you. He will FUCK your brains out tonight. You know that look in his eyes.
"No condoms... I need to feel you... skin to skin..." he pulls his shirt off and throws it, hitting the wall, then begins to unbuckle his belt and pants. "And I'll like to fill you up until it leaks out of your pussy." He adds, grinning
"Oh God..." you try to get a hold of yourself. Not ready for what is coming
He pushes down his pants and underwear in one go. His length springs free and is up, steady and hard. It's tip glistening with pre cum.
"Turn around..."
You do as he says and go on fours on top of the bed. He pulls your pants down, revealing a bare and wet pussy ready to be torn.
"No panties huh..."
You blush. "Well... I know we'll have sex today... I just didn't know its going to be this soon..."
Mingyu hovers on your back, hand sliding up and down your curves. "Do you want me to stop and just go on with dinner?"
You lower your heard, embarassed, even though he's not seeing how turned on and red you are. "No... I would never say no to you..." after a few breaths in you look back, cheeks red and warm. "You know sex with you is my only addiction."
"Fuck yeah it is..." he says proudly and satisfied
He eases himself in, slowly but deliciously. He skipped prepping you. He can't wait anymore. His dick is aching and wanting to feel your walls.
"I'll be a little rough to you today, babe." He smacks your ass and a moan escapes your lips. "I didn't like what you did earlier..."
"Ughhh!" He slams strong and consistent. It's driving you insane how he could hit the very back of your cervix. Actually he could hit every thing inside you. Thats how long and thick he is. "W-hat... what did... I do?" You arch your back and pushed your upper body up so he can embrace you and touch your body as he thrust your brains out.
"You know..." he grunts as he adjusts and tries to go deeper, even though he is already at the deep end of your insides. "I don't like it... when you don't appreciate yourself..." he inhales and exhales as he feels you clench and make it tighter. "Fuck! Babe!" He kisses the curves of your neck and bites on your shoulder when he feels the tightness thats make it fucking sensational for him
You ubotton your top to give him access to your chest. You didn't unhook your bra though. You just pulled the ladies out and the bra helps give them a push up.
"You are beautiful... sexy... and a wonderful woman..." he pushes your hair out of his way so he can kiss your neck. "Love yourself... the way I love you."
He then pulls out, almost making you cry and beg. But them makes you turn around to face him.
"Can you?" He asks with the most loving eyes
You crash your lips to his. Pushing your tongue in him. You didn't stop until you hear a moany cry from your boyfriend. His brows then creases when you playfully bite his lower lip. "I want to..."
"But what?" He carries you off the bed and pins you to the wall, beside the window of your bedroom. Your one leg touching the ground while the other is hooked over his forearm. "Answer me, babe."
He slams back in you. Stronger and much deeper. Which confused you coz how? Its not like your cervix can expand. But thats what it felt when he slammed you. It didn't hurt. It felt insane actually. Insanely goodm
"You are kind... sweet... caring... hardworking... knows what you like and dislike... respectful..."
You are catching your breathe in your throat. Its like you are choking from excess pleasure. You try to speak but you can't let go of the high. So instead of speaking, you just shook your head.
"You don't agree?" He asks. Mingyu looks at you with his puppy eyes and showered you with kisses. Then he kept repeating all the good qualities you have as a person and even physically.
He really is telling you every bits about you. Everything that he loves and dislike but accepts coz it is you. It is part of you. He really do love you.
"What can I do... to reassure you?"
You put your hand over his mouth. Not to shut him down but to hush him for a second. Just for a moment until you get it all out for him.
"Fuck me!" You cry as you can't help but  cry more of his name. You are so close to your orgasm. "Nggghhhh...!"
You shut your eyes ready to explode but then Mingyu pulls away from your hand, takes you back in bed to finish, when he suddenly says the two words you didn't expect him to say while he's fucking your brains out
"Marry me..." he says.
Your eyes opens, looks at him in pure shock and bliss. "W-wha..." you can't finish your words. He was hammering you. You can't answer. "Mingyu!" You moan his name so loud when your world spun around.
"I love you." He grunts as he see you melt and when he pushed into you a few more times, he finally begins release himself you. All the warmth and every drop of him in you. "Fuck!" He exhales, dropping his body on you but not his weight. "I love you..." he says again. "So much..." he kisses your shoulder and then your cheek. "So... what do you say?" He smirks
"Suddenly?" You look at him, confused.
"Hmmm..." he scrunches his nose, still wearing the smile on his lips. "Not really..."
He then gets up, pulling out of you, which felt like you got more naked than what you are now. More exposed.
"Wait lemma clean you first."
He runs into the bathroom and takes a towel to wipe you clean. Just clean enough to be presentable but not totally wipe his seeds off you. He wants that in there.
And then he runs out of the room.
"Where are you going? Babe?" You are confused. Why is your man running outside the bedroom ass naked
Giggling as you see him comeback in and carring the plastic bag of lettuce.
"Huh? What's that for?" You sit up and wrap the thin white blanket to your body.
"I lied. Well... we still going to have salads and all..." he is mumbling. "This should be over dinner... but... I could not help myself earlier so..."
"Mingyu... what is going on...?"
Laughing but still trying to pull a serious face. "It was true that an old lady sold me this but... as I was helping her she took the paper bag the came wit this... and I panicked." He sits down beside you. "I didn't want to put it in my jacket or pocket coz... it will be obvious... and when we walk and your cold you always put your hand in my jacket's pockst so..."
"Mingyu!" You grab his face and kissed him. To make him focus. "Just say it..." you are giggling now too.
"Okay..." a soft smile spreads to his lips. "I know... you may think... I'm still young and naive."
"No you're not..."
"Yeah but... still... anyways..." he nervously laughs. "Like I said... you are an amazing woman. Anyman who you choose to love will be the luckiest. And thankfully its me..." he then goes down to his one knee and pulls out a black box from the plastic of lettuce. "I said I didn't like what you did earlier... you looking down at yourself... but that does mean I hate you or mad at you for it... I just say that because I care.. I want you to feel... assured and happy." He opens the box and shows the most brightest ring you ever saw in your life. "If I have to always reassure you for the rest of our lives... I don't fucking care. I am up for it. I love you and I can't live a day without you." Pulling out the ring and taking your hand. "Please marry me... I will serve you and love you forever..."
You watch him put the ring on your finger.
"So...?" He looks at you with doe eyes
Letting you of the blanket covering your body, you launch yourself to him, making you guys fall on the floor. "I love you Kim Mingyu..." you say first before kissing him. "Forever is not a bad idea..." you kiss him again. "Of course I will accept."
"Sorry if I proposed to you after sex... at diner would've been fantastic"
"Don't say sorry... I do love your way..." you get up from embracing him. "It brings back to how we started."
He sits back up. "Right."
Then you stare at your ring. "Who could've guessed that... I will be marrying the guy I met and fucked at a friend's birthday?"
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scribblestatic · 2 days
Text
Eyo, back on my amputee!SY agenda bullshit
Lesgo.
Prev: Part 2
---
When Luo Binghe married Shen Yuan, he was named the First Husband. But now, with his new crowning, he'll become the Empress, a position given to none of Luo Binghe's wives, not even in PIDW. Though, he's already come to terms with the fact the world isn't the same as the book.
Mostly. It's still perhaps a bit too easy for him to suggest torture for someone despite his modern world sensibilities because it's easier to think of anyone facing against his husband (AAAAAAAAAA) as some no-name NPC rather than someone with a whole life full of experiences.
But anyway, he's becoming an empress. Which is wild to him.
And it dusts up a lot of his insecurities. And not, like, the kind where someone asks their significant other if they would still love them if they were a worm. No, it's more along the lines of, "Hey, would you still love me if it turned out my soul wasn't transmigrated at all, but was simply, like, disconnected from itself and I really am Shen Jiu, but I also lived as and firmly feel like I'm Shen Yuan, but some piece of me really had done all those terrible things to make your innocent life more miserable?"
He pops the question while Binghe's combing oil through his hair, his left eye gazing anxiously at the bronze mirror to look at the demon emperor's expression.
Luo Binghe thinks, humming a little as he doesn't falter while combing his hair.
"...Would Shizun love me if I killed some of my wives?"
"Huh?"
"Would A'Yuan love me if I killed some of my wives?"
"I mean...sure? I'm sure you'd have a reason for it."
"Then, would A'Yuan hate me if I killed and ate demons in the Endless Abyss?"
"What? No. Survival was extremely difficult. You only did what you had to do."
"And if I still had a taste for demon flesh?"
Shen Yuan's face scrunches, but his response is still immediate.
"Then, I suppose we could find which ones you liked? I mean, I don't think I could do it with you, and we'd need to respect their personhood. So, maybe we could find a group where cannibalism is a norm for them? I think that'd be difficult...ah! We could also see if the Red-Dipped Manfruit could be bred to taste like the demon's flesh. Demons that eat humans use it for minor sustenance when natural human flesh isn't available, so surely--"
Ah, his expression had scrunched more with thought than disgust. Luo Binghe doesn't interrupt as he goes on his continued tangent, smiling as he listens. He only speaks again after he seems to be trailing to another subject.
"Then," he pauses, leaning forward and looking down at Shen Yuan, "if A'Yuan can love this one as I am, even at my ugliest, how could this emperor not love my A'Yuan at his most beautiful?"
Shen Yuan stares up at him, his lips slightly open as he listens, as he sees the depths of the light and love in Binghe's dark eyes.
"Even if you are Shen Jiu, back then, this disciple wanted the affection you now freely give. I have always cared for and about you, for better or worse. And your attention was always on me, for better or worse. This Binghe likes to think that, now, we care for each other, not just for the better, but for the best."
"Ah..."
Shen Yuan stares up a bit longer before he quickly turns away. Binghe puts the comb down as he hears a sniffle, and when he kneels beside his seat, he pushes the long, inky black hair away from Shen Yuan's eye, catching sight of his ruddy cheeks and the mistiness in his eye.
"...Shameless."
"Indeed, I am. A'Yan should punish me."
He just shakes his head, and he doesn't lean away when Binghe leans forward and kisses his lips. They linger softly, pulling apart slowly as they share each other's breathes. Their faces remain too close for them to see each other properly, lips still just barely touching.
"...Then, I'll only kiss you two more times," Shen Yuan mumbles.
Luo Binghe chuckles.
"How cruel."
They only remember to get back to combing Shen Yuan's hair several minutes later.
--
The remains of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect had not been invited to Shen Yuan's crowning ceremony, but they still heard of it happening regardless.
Demons, previously unaccustomed to some of the more casual aspects of living with their means more easily available, and humans, always seeking new methods of entertainment, became very entranced with the gossip surrounding Demon Emperor Luo's harem. The fact pieces of it were steadily dissolving had originally been a gripe against him, as though he was losing his touch. However, when some of the wives were members of their own race or species and they returned without harm and with a hefty sum of money, well, the bridges hadn't been burned, and suddenly, "losing his touch" simply became "being less loose" or "finding lasting love."
So now, with the crowning ceremony ramping up, of course the gossip mills were churning at rapid speeds. Eventually, word of who would become empress despite the emperor's known track record of wives was absolutely scandalous.
"His shizun, of all people?"
"The one he had imprisoned, even."
"Must've driven the man mad."
"I don't know... I saw them recently. Shen Qingqiu looked quite sane."
"He has no limbs and is missing an eye, he can't be that sane anymore."
"He certainly wasn't groveling. If anything, he seemed quite untouched. Save for...well..."
"His eye is quite sharp, and he is quick-witted. I don't think he would be bad for an empress."
"The cultivation sects are going to implode."
And, just like the news of the crowning ceremony spread around, so too did the news that Cang Qiong Mountain Sect sent a letter to Demon Emperor Luo, demanding an audience in light of his proposal to a lord from their sect.
It was, to many demons and a few humans, a wasted, and perhaps misguided, effort. Yet, they wouldn't protest against the meeting.
It would be incredibly entertaining, after all.
---
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3: here
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yloiseconeillants · 3 days
Note
Hey how are Tullioylal, Solution 9, and Sad Undead Disneyland in terms of urban design I want to hear these rants (as a designer in a different field [book layout & user interfaces])
I rushed through the second half of Dawntrail's msq so I have a lot less like Archived Thoughts on those than i do on like LMAO Garlemald but Tuliyollal I'm very interested in as a planned capital city, especially in contrast to Garlemald as another planned capital city (though the goals of each are INCREDIBLY different). I'm just gonna ramble a bit beneath the cut as thoughts come to me as opposed to any like, well thought through critiques:
Tuliyollal has some unique geography that provides both opportunities and challenges: the most obvious being the elevation of the mountainside they've built into, and the shallow coral reefs that prevent larger ships from docking. There's always necessarily going to be a limit to the flow of people through the city as a result, which provides a very structured set of experiences for a tourist, I think. You have to get on a smaller boat. You have to land at the docks to get processed, which is also conveniently where the market and inns are located. You see the Impressive Vista of the city, culminating in the palace on the summit. Everything draws the eyes up. The experience is similar coming from the north - you have to cross the engineering marvel bridge, or coming from the west means you actually walk through the city's mission statement (and see their airships!) before you get to the core of the city. It's an experience that I do think sort of tracks with the way that theme parks are built - there's a story being told to you through the environment. And to be clear, Tuliyollal is a young city. Most Turali would also be tourists.
Another thing about Tuliyollal that stood out to me was the fact that the deliberately designed houses in the Resplendent Quarter are like, actually open. This is more of a game design thing that I've been bitching about since ARR but I would LOVE to see more open indoor spaces in this game - contrast to like, Ishgard, where the only indoor spaces open to us were like, church infrastructure and the Fortemps Manor. Not so in Tuliyollal - actual houses where people live are open to us! And not just to the Warrior of Light - they are meant to be seen, to celebrate the diversity of cultures that the city is trying to bring together in a deliberate way. The NPCs in the area give a quick overview of locations and people we'll meet later, while repeating Tuliyollal's goals of cultural harmony:
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It's definitely a comfy city to be in and easy to navigate because of the way the mountain separates and centralizes uses (it's helpful to think of it as a semi-circle, with administration, like the palace, the barracks, and the transportation infrastructure forming the outermost ring, the stuff useful for the player like the inn and markets and gathering/crafting hubs in the innermost layer, and rp spaces like the houses between the two). It's an inviting city! Slow down, get a little intimate, take a stroll and admire the sights! It's definitely one of my favorite hub cities in the game (i still have my return set to the Crystarium though).
Solution 9 feels a bit like an antithesis of this. I'm not going to outright call it hostile, but it is an awkwardly built city that requires teleportation and aetheryte travel to navigate, simply due to the amount of unused space. The one that I keep getting tripped up on is the platform that the government tower is located on. There's a HUGE plaza with absolutely nothing going on. If you're using the teleport platforms instead of the aetheryte, it takes almost a full sprint to get from the landing space to the tower itself. Like, with the game done, I know that's because this was a space where they put an instanced battle but I don't think we needed all that to be completely featureless. Like what's the point of it? It made me wonder if this was a space where there were once proclamations or festivals or installations of any kind, but given that there isn't even a day-night cycle and most of the people of Solution 9 are more concerned with Working than anything else, the idea never really got anywhere. The second thing I thought of was Haussmann's wide avenues in Paris:
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(also like, i'm fucking convinced there are ascians in that tower so like. this all comes together for me Very Neatly)
But Solution 9 is a mall rather than a city. It is geared toward consumption of resources (credits and souls) and I know there's much more to the city but just based on what we're working with, it's much less city-like than the urban imagery suggests. I am a big fan of all the couches and tables everywhere though.
SAD UNDEAD DISNEYLAND IS A THEMEPARK and GOD it gets that across SO WELL. Other people have talked about all the unfinished buildings just behind the facades and the huge empty spaces (canal town in particular, even when still lit up, is a very good illustration of how half-built everything is here) - it's not a space used by people to live but rather play out isolated Experiences, so it's hard to critique its livability, since that was never the point. I mean. Zip lines as transportation between districts. Which like. LMAO was not terribly far off from an actual campaign promise from this guy who did not end up being governor of Oregon:
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but even he scoffed at zip lines:
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jolapeno · 2 days
Note
I’m embarrassed to ask but so many fav’s are going there so how do you use ao3?
hello hello!
do not be embarrassed at all! and hopefully, i can try and help.
now, i wish to preface this by saying there's likely guides already on tumblr and i don't mean to be rehashings what they might already say/have shared, but I'm going to try and give a run down of things that might help. now, I've done this as if you're a reader, but if you're a writer and want help, pop back in!
I asked my good friend @toomanytookas for help with this one so I knew we was covering off a lot and she lovingly helped me with finding some additional resources to support my bits!
searching for your people
there are a few different search options available on AO3 to find the things you want. if you know the name of the user, you can use the search bar (as seen below).
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or if you're after a certain pairing, you can use the search option.
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you can then search from: works, bookmarks, tags or people.
i tend to use "works" but, others may have their own preferences. but i find this is the easiest way for me to find the things i'm after.
i don't tend to fill in every bit of info, but the ones i do are in 'work tags':
fandoms
relationships
additional tags
i might check 'single chapter' (in work info) if i just want to read a one shot, but most of the time i just see what spits up. for me, additional tags is what makes navigating AO3 so much easier because I can filter by a trope (friends to lovers, colleagues, second chances) or i can filter by a "mood" (smut, fluff etc.). when you've filled in your desired bits you can click search and then your results will show.
ANOTHER great way to search is if you already know the pairing you're after. so say you're reading a Francisco morales x reader and you want MORE of that, click that tag on a piece of work and a new search will show up of all the works with that pairing.
you then have a new filter choice on the right where you can 'exclude' tags or characters too.
there's also this guide i found from 2020!
there’s also this way of searching too! with an addition from @burntheedges
another cool resource on excluding too
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2. supporting your people
so, you've found yourself a writer you adore, and you've read a piece of their work. if this is a one shot, you can:
drop a kudos (like a like, but you can only ever give it once)
leave a comment (even writing "love it" or an emoji makes a day)
bookmark (this is more for you if you loved it, you can bookmark things and they save to YOUR bookmarks and you can read again without searching for it - like a lil library)
now, say that piece is a multi-chap/collection, and you want to subscribe and be notified, you can 'subscribe' at the top of the fic
Tumblr media
bookmarks do not notify you of a new chapter, but a subscribe will.
if you love the writer and want to know as soon as they drop anything, you can click their name, go to their profile and click 'subscribe' just under their name in the top right.
here’s a resource too!!
here’s a resource on why bookmarks/comments are cool
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3. going back in time... the AO3 way
okay, we've all been there when you're engrossed in something and then life happens and you close a tab or your phone crashes (tumblr app, grr) and then the work is lost. on AO3, if you're logged in, you have a thing called 'my history' and in this is every work you've clicked on. wahay! this has saved me so often because i flick between phone and laptop a lot.
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4. a final thing to be aware of...
warnings - a writer can choose to give a warning to the piece. many will use 'creator chose not to use archive warnings' or 'no archive warnings apply', but there are a few to keep an eye out for, such as:
graphics depiction of violence
major character death
rape/non-con
underage
'choose not to use warnings' is a read at your own risk, and i always recommend checking out the additional tags for the piece just so you know if there's any trigger warnings.
a resource on excluding (mentioned above too)
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this is just a top level thought process of what i thought might help, but if there's any specific questions i will deffo try to help. this resource has a ton of helpful things too. there's also AO3 FAQs which might be able to help if i didn't actually help. and this absolutely brilliant guide created too!
thank you for the ask, and happy AO3'ing 🧡
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tennessoui · 2 days
Note
For the OTP questions, could I ask for 25 with the smithsonian au?? I feel like it would be funny to see what they do when they do have something in common 😭
lmao the smithsonian au !!! thank you for sending this in from this list of prompts !
25. do they have any hobbies they share?
lmao they would not be able to handle having anything in common but they probably honestly have a lot that they agree about they just....refuse to admit it.
but ok here are two things they have in common/hobbies they share: hating on the rocks (geology) team & bike riding. anakin picked up biking because he knew obi-wan liked it and he decided he was going to be Better At It than obi-wan, as if leisurely biking were a competition. but since it's not a competition they just sort of accidentally end up going on nice bike rides around the dmv area. almost like a dat---(gunshots)
and obi-wan has always hated the rock people because he's just silly and petty like that. anakin also has always hated the rock people because obviously space rocks are cooler than earth rocks. but when obi-wan finds out that anakin hates the rock people he finds a rock person to take out on a date (to their trivia team night) just because he knows anakin will hate that The Most. unfortunately, obi-wan also finds him annoying because he's a rock person. this is a new low for him:
Anakin's bouncing his leg up and down beneath the table, something he doesn't even notice until Padmé reaches out and grasps a hold of his knee.
"I'd ask if you needed a drink, but you've already had three," she mutters, squeezing once before letting go. "Come on, don't tell me you need to be drunk to spend time with Obi-Wan these days."
Anakin scowls, half at the name and half at the words. "I'm not thinking about him at all," he snaps back, which is a lie. "It's just rude to be late. Especially to trivia. Why are we even on the same team? That's not--"
"He thought it would be nice," Padmé says, taking a sip of her own cider. "He explicitly requested that we don't talk about work. Maybe he's trying to bond with you."
Anakin's scowl turns into a softer frown. Bond with him? Obi-Wan Kenobi doesn't want to bond with him. How would they even work if they weren't at each other's throats? What would they talk about? How would--
His mind flashes back to the first time they ever met, before Kenobi opened his mouth to reveal that beneath his gorgeous face, he was just a British dick.
He can feel his face heating, and he takes a sip of his beard to distract himself. Ugh. Kenobi. Kenobi.
"Apologies for the delay," Kenobi says, as if Anakin's thoughts have conjured him into existence. He drops into the chair next to Padmé and kisses her hello on the cheek.
Anakin's scowl is back. Fucking Europeans. He's not even a European. He's from an inconsequential fucking island in the middle of nowhere.
"Gregor here had to finish up a bit of work at the lab," Kenobi continues before looking across the table at Anakin. "Hello, Anakin," he says, tone noticeably cooler but there's something smug about it. About his whole face. And...everything. "Have you met Gregor? He's also a Smithsonian employee."
Anakin casts his gaze to the man still standing at the head of their table. "No," he says, then adds, lying through his teeth, "Pleasure."
"Which department?" Padmé asks sociably as Gregor sits down next to Obi-Wan, who smiles and places his hand on Gregor's arm.
"Mineral studies," Obi-Wan tells them. "I thought perhaps Gregor here would be a boon during the more technical science questions we can never get right."
"Oh, is that why you brought me along?" Gregor asks, turning to Obi-Wan with a familiar, sickening twinkle in his eyes. "And here I thought this was a date, Obi."
Obi-Wan laughs and pats his arm, but his eyes are tighter around the edges. He hates the nickname, Anakin knows. Apparently Gregor doesn't.
"Only if you win it for us, darling," he tells Gregor, and Anakin scowls.
Darling. Ugh. This is bar trivia.
"Mineral studies," he says suddenly. "What's that then?"
"Well," Gregor replies, puffing up the way anyone in DC does the moment they're given an opportunity to talk about what they do for a living. "I guess the easiest way to describe it is that I study rocks. I mean, that's really boiled down, and it's more like---"
He continues, but Anakin's stopped listening the moment Gregor said the word rocks. Rocks.
He raises his eyebrows at Obi-Wan in disbelief. He brought a rock guy to trivia. He's planning to fuck a rock guy. A rock guy. He shakes his head at the other man, who just blinks as if he doesn't understand. As if hating rock people isn't the one thing that they have in common.
This is a new low, even for Kenobi.
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toomuchracket · 2 days
Note
i picture bday party girlie as being like Dramatically hot like the kind of hot where you can literally see heads turning when she walks past… so hot that everyone is like how did He bag Her???
and then flatmate is a girl next door kind of vibe like definitely gorgeous but where hot wouldn’t necessarily be the first descriptor until you see her let loose and you’re suddenly like i would kill myself for one night with her lol.
d word… drop-dead. like ur a goner the second you lay eyes on her. she gives cunty miniskirt and sunglasses strutting through london with her obsessed bf on her arm vibes.
office girlie i think i would beg her to be mean to me and i would like it but also she’d be my best friend. sheer tights and thick thighs and a leather blazer ohh i need her
barista girlie hallway crush… girl you get obsessed with because you always see her around and you can’t believe someone’s that gorgeous but you never go up to her
this didn’t really answer your question bc i think they’re all incredibly hot in different ways but if i Had to pick i think d word is the hottest <3
- heather 🫶
long post we r discussing everyone
the thing about bday party girly is that getting to that level of hotness was a gradual thing - not full ugly duckling transformation, because you were always pretty, but just finding your way in terms of fashion and beauty and discovering the styles you liked best and that suited you really well, and that did wonders for your confidence (which i think is like half the battle of hotness). but it still wavers, and you have a hard time with comparison to others (specifically, the girls you see matty with before you get together) and believing in yourself in regard to anything that isn't your writing ability; this is a leftover from your teenage years, where you'd only ever really get complimented on your brain and your writing and never on your looks, which you know isn't a big deal and it's nice people think you're smart but also... sometimes, when you're 16, you need to hear from someone that isn't your mum or your girls that you look nice lol. but you persevered with both writing and the style search, and it worked out well - one of the first things matty said when you guys were first introduced was "i've read your work! and i don't think it's fair that writing so good can come from someone so attractive. not fair at all", and when you realised that there was no punchline, that he actually meant it (he really did. he thought you were gorgeous)... yeah. we know what happened next
flatmate YES ok like you really are just so pretty and (as we know from pre dating flatmate era) a lot of people think that as is and they fancy you BUT like you said it isn't until you loosen up or you get kinda animated that it really sinks in how sexy you actually are. like, matty's already excited to be sat next to you the first time you meet, but it isn't until you roll your eyes and say something sarky and smirk that he properly becomes enamoured; when you're yapping with some other people during a break and you start ripping into a boy who said something really stupid or mean or whatever... yeah, matty's a goner (he really would kill himself for one night with you lol). such a fun couple, the two of you, because you're both aware of how hot you are - i mean, you both have your moments of insecurity, we all do, but you're generally very self-assured. and it's hot to see. very
d word... so fucking true. and you don't know it! you're too busy doing 5 million things at once to pay attention to people Wanting you, and all your self-care beauty regimes/pilates/buying nice clothes is really for nobody but yourself, because - eldest daughters rise up - you're really the only person who takes care of you. and then matty happens, and you like him so much you let your guard down a bit and relax, and suddenly you have someone else who takes care of you so naturally it's kinda overwhelming, someone else who makes a point of proving to you just how beautiful you are, someone else you want to look nice for, someone else who loves you and appreciates you and is almost unhealthily obsessed with you; he's never not clinging to you, as if you'll disappear the second he lets you go, and never not looking at you like you're the most precious thing in the world. you kinda are, to him, though
office girly - coolest person alive i fear. kinda like flatmate in that you know you're hot, even without the myriad of incredible outfits you've painstakingly put together; i do think you're the best dressed of the tmr girls, actually. anyway! THE body - soft curves, long legs (thick thighs save lives), hips that matty wants to (and has, actually) take a bite of, possibly the best arse in london, and we've all read tiny bikini so we know what your boyfriend thinks about your tits lol. there's a running joke in your relationship that the reason matty (art critic) fancies you is because you're built like the girls in Classical art, which he denies like "not true! you have nicer boobs" lmfao little freak. people are a little bit surprised when the two of you get together, because he's so shy and quiet and weird and you aren't, but holy shit do you look good together - i think you skew slightly on the edgy side of the fashion scale, so literally you and matty (when he loses the cardigans) are kinda the hot alt couple everyone dreams about. also yes heather she would be your best friend she's so sound!!
barista girly is very reminiscent of the girl who got on the same tube as me at westminster station a year ago and had a striped shirt tucked into flared jeans and pointed stilettos on and the most flawless straightened ponytail i have ever seen - chic as fuck, and you see her on public transport ONCE and think about her forever. intimidating, but so alluring, and if anyone actually plucked up the courage to talk to you they would learn you're lovely and also kinda a massive flirt; that is, until you meet someone you really REALLY like (matty) and you get really quite shy and soft. that said, before you meet him, you do Fuck (people of all genders), and actually you (and your strap) are responsible for a really quite massive amount of Best Sexual Encounter stories, so you're very known for being sexy lol - incredible energy matching going on between you and matty, actually. like, it should technically be a sad day for everyone else when you and matty get together, but you just work so well and look so incredible together that everyone's like. yeah ok this makes sense. yeah, you're gorgeous
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accio-sriracha · 2 days
Text
The Time Remus Lupin Got Drunk.
A Wolfstar Oneshot.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
The Marauders were going to a party. Usually the way things go down is quite simple:
Sirius gets drunk first, the lightweight of the group who always drinks too much too fast and literally will not shut up for the rest of the night.
Next is Peter, who doesn't drink nearly as much as Sirius, but isn't very good at holding his liquor if we're being honest. He'll spend most of the party on the floor playing chess or in the bathroom throwing up. No in between.
James stumbles after him in third place, definitely not a lightweight but somehow always slamming down enough shots of firewhiskey to do the job. He spends a good percentage of his time trying to get Lily Evans' attention.
(Somehow even drunk he's still a perfect gentlemen and knows his boundaries. *cough, cough* it's not that hard *cough, cough*)
Remus has never gotten drunk in his life, except for once at the beginning of seventh year, but we don't talk about that.
He will spend the majority of the party babysitting his friends: bringing Peter water and crackers, telling Sirius that no, it's not a good idea to visit McGonagall right now, and asking James to please find his shirt, she's not any more impressed by his abs now than she was six years ago.
Today, however, was going to be different.
You see, the Marauders had a plan, a plan like none they'd ever come up with before.
Today: Sirius, Peter, and James were not going to get drunk.
Remus was.
Most of the reason Remus never got drunk in the past was simply because it was a hard feat to accomplish. Partly because Remus had a pretty high tolerance for alcohol, and partly because of the whole werewolf thing.
He would have to drink a lot of firewhiskey to get to the point of slurring his speech.
And the second reason was Remus' refusal of being unaware of his surroundings in public. He felt too vulnerable, it didn't feel safe.
He made a joke on the way to the party they were going to tonight that he would only agree to get drunk if the others agreed to stay sober.
Obviously he hadn't been expecting them to actually agree.
But for whatever reason, his friends were far too eager to see him drunk.
So in they went, mixing into the crowd awkwardly, with Remus huddled between them all like a very tall child.
"Here." James filled a red cup with firewhiskey and passed it to him, "We should get started early, this will probably take a while."
Remus let out a resigned breath and accepted the cup from him, downing the liquid in one go. He cringed at the taste,
"I don't know why people insist on doing this. I don't see how this is pleasant at all."
Sirius shrugged, "It's fun? Takes your mind off things for a little while."
"Obviously not the case for somebody." Peter snickered, nodding his head towards James, "All he can ever think about is Evans, drunk or not."
"Hey!" James called, picking up a cup and pretending to toss it at him. Peter squeaked and jerked out of the way.
Remus snagged the cup away from him, "And you expect me to trust you lot to take care of me?"
James rolled his eyes, "Obviously we'll take this seriously, Moony."
Sirius nodded, "Especially me." He agreed solemnly. James scowled at him and turned back to Remus with an earnest expression,
"If you don't want to, we really won't force you, Moons. I know you don't like feeling vulnerable. Everything is your decision here."
Remus sighed, "It's alright, one night won't kill anyone... hopefully."
And you know... the whole werewolf thing.
If he was being honest, of course he trusted them to take care of him. They'd been doing it every month since third year.
The only issue was his filter, or rather, his lack of one.
After his second cup Sirius grabbed his free hand and dragged him over to the center of the room, "Drunk enough to dance yet?" He asked, raising his voice over the music.
"There isn't enough alcohol in the world." Remus called back.
"You don't know that. Drink up." James cheered, a cup held out to Remus.
Merlin he was going to be drinking a lot of alcohol tonight.
He turned back to face Sirius,
"So this really doesn't bother you? All the noise and the people?" He asked. Sirius shook his head,
"Not normally. I always have you guys with me, and sometimes it helps being surrounded by all this. I'd rather be too busy to think than sitting alone in silence, y'know?"
Remus nodded, he knew Sirius hated silence more than anything.
James switched out his cup again, "Alright, Moons, another round down."
"What is this, four in five minutes? You trying to kill me, Prongs?" Remus muttered, drinking it anyways.
"Mate... That's fucking terrifying." Sirius replied.
James laughed, "I have much subtler ways of doing that, Moony, don't you worry."
"Is this gonna be a long night or what?" Peter said. They all nodded in agreement.
"Hey, why don't we speed this up a little?" James asked, tapping the wand in his pocket. Remus' eyes shot wide open,
"No. Absolutely not. Do you remember what happened to Sirius last time you used that spell?"
James waved a hand, "Oh, that was nothing. He's always like that."
"He bawled his eyes out and tried to kiss a suit of armor." Peter raised an eyebrow, "Even drunk he's got a bit more dignity than that."
"Yeah but he's also like horrible at drinking. Maybe it'll work better with Moony since he's got a better tolerance."
"Hey!" Sirius pouted, "I can drink just fine, thank you."
James snorted, "Whatever you say, mate."
Remus ignored them,
"I don't know, Prongs. I'm not really sure. It's a little... experimental, don't you think?"
"What about us isn't experimental?" James countered, "You know how many charms laws we broke making that fucking map?"
Peter shook his head, "No, c'mon man. Don't make Moony your test dummy. It's his second time drinking. We'll try it out some other time."
James shrugged and waited for him to drink before giving him a new one, "Your loss. Now you're stuck filling your cup all night."
Remus downed it again, looking bored, "You know what, you're right. I'll be over at the drink table. I should probably stick closer to the source, yeah? Let me know if you need anything." He told them, walking awkwardly through the crowd.
"Hey Alice." Remus smiled, when he finally reached the table, resigned to drink until he began to feel the 'buzz' the others kept referring to, "How's everything going?"
"Not bad, you?"
He shrugged, filling his cup, "I suppose I could be worse."
"Are you... drinking?" She asked incredulously, "I've never seen you drink before."
He sighed, "Yeah, and you probably won't ever see it again."
"Someone feeling a little dangerous today?" She teased. He tipped back his cup, wrinkling his nose at the heat that settled uncomfortably in his chest,
"Hopefully not."
They sat in comfortable silence for a while, watching the people around them.
"Where's Lily? Did she come?" He asked, Alice nodded,
"I don't actually know where she and Regulus went, but I know I saw them earlier."
"Wait, Regulus and Lily?" He questioned, "I didn't know they hung out."
She gave him a vague shrug,
"Yeah, none of us really know him that well, just you guys and Sirius. But he and Lily have this thing where they always sit next to each other at parties, they try to keep each other in check. Nerd stuff, I guess."
"Huh..." Remus took one last drink before standing up from his seat, "I've gotta go, thanks for the chat."
She nodded, "Yeah, see you around."
While Remus was busy being a wallflower, James and Sirius made their way to the other side of the room. Sirius grabbed Regulus' attention and waved him over,
"Hey, Reg. Bigger turn out than usual, right?" He asked. Regulus nodded,
"Yeah, there's hardly anywhere to sit anymore." He looked around for a second, "Your friend throw up yet?"
Sirius laughed, "No, Pete's fine. We're actually staying sober today."
Regulus rose an eyebrow at them both, "I find that very hard to believe."
"Hey, Regulus." James smiled.
"Potter." He nodded curtly.
James pouted, "Don't I get a warmer greeting? We've known each other for years now."
"Maybe you will in a few more years." He replied smoothly, taking another leisurely sip, "How's the courting coming along? Sing any songs to her yet?"
James looked confused, "Who?"
"You know, the love of your life."
His face went a deep shade of red, "What?"
"Evans?" Regulus was amused now, "Salazar, Potter. Seriously, how much have you had?"
"None." Sirius frowned, turning to face him, "What's up with you, mate?"
James only shook his head, "I've gotta go."
The pair watched him dissappear quickly into the crowd.
"The hell was that about?" Regulus asked.
"I've got no clue." Sirius rubbed his forehead, "But it's definitely weird."
"Pete." Remus sighed when he found him, tapping his arm to get his attention, "Come here, I have to ask you about something."
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
Remus was weaving his way through people again, trying to keep his drink from spilling as he was bumped around.
They walked to the far corner of the common room. Peter looked concerned,
"Are you alright?"
"It's about Prongs." He started, keeping his voice low so the music would drown them out.
"Prongs?" He repeated, "What's wrong, is everything okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, he's fine. It's just-" He glanced around to make sure nobody was listening, "Do you ever think he acts a bit... strange at parties?"
Peter snorted, "You mean when he's drunk? Yeah, I'd say he's a little different than normal."
"No, I mean like- we've seen him drunk before, right? He isn't usually so over the top when it's just the four of us."
Peter nodded slowly, "Right."
"But when he's here, he gets all weird."
"Well yeah, because he's trying to impress Evans."
"But isn't it strange that he stopped hitting on her around the castle years ago but still hits on her when he's at parties?"
"Alcohol destroys your filter, man. Maybe he's just really good at pretending to not care."
"Or it's something else."
Peter watched him for a moment, a sudden suspicion in his eyes, "Are you drunk?"
"What? No, Peter, listen-"
"Hey, what's all the whispering about?" Sirius asked, walking up with James and Regulus on either side of him. James' face was red.
"I think Moons is getting a little tipsy." Peter laughed. Remus rolled his eyes,
"Shut up, Wormtail."
"Seems perfectly normal to me." Regulus joked, "Sarcastic as always."
"Remus isn't sarcastic when he's drunk." Sirius offered, "When I saw him he was-"
Remus shot him a look and Sirius stopped talking immediately.
"You never did tell us what happened." Peter said, glancing between them.
"And we won't." Remus cut in before Sirius had the chance, "That's between Lily, Sirius, and I."
"Wait Evans was there too? I thought it was just you and Padfoot when you got drunk?" James asked. Sirius' eyes widened,
"Maybe it's best if we drop the subject, yeah?" He gave Remus a pointed look.
"Why won't you say what happened?" Regulus asked, curious himself now as he looked to his brother.
Remus swallowed hard, clearly uncomfortable. Sirius cleared his throat,
"Finish your drink, I want to dance."
"So commanding." Remus grumbled, even as he lifted it to his lips without hesitation.
Sirius stepped up close and placed a finger underneath the cup, meeting Remus' eyes as he tipped it back.
Remus was... well let's just say he was a little more awake now than he was a moment ago, his entire body humming with electricity at the look in Sirius' eyes.
He finished the drink, throwing the cup onto the floor,
"Fine." He took Sirius' arm and dragged him back into the crowd of people.
"What the fuck just happened?" Peter laughed. James shrugged,
"It's them, when do we ever know what's going on?"
Sirius stopped when they reached the center. Remus rose an eyebrow,
"So...?" He started.
"Yeah." Sirius laughed softly. He wrapped his arms around Remus' neck, like you would if you were slow dancing. The song was the exact opposite tempo, but neither of them really cared enough to notice.
"I'm not upset about what happened that night." Remus told him as his hands wound around Sirius' waist, "I know I made a big thing about it, but I don't blame you."
Sirius' head was shaking before Remus even finished his sentence, "It was your first time drinking, Moons. I should have been more aware of what was going on."
"I told you I'm not upset." Remus protested.
"I know, I just don't believe you."
"Would you like me to get Lily? She'll be glad to tell you every thought I shared with her about it."
Sirius cringed, "Merlin, no thanks. I'd honestly rather die than rehash that with Evans again."
"It wasn't that terrible."
"Says you! You didn't do what I did!" He laughed.
"Well nobody forced you to do what you did either!"
"It was kind of implied." Sirius gave him a sly smile.
Remus scoffed, "Okay, first of all-"
"No, no, no! You cannot deny that. You would never have done it." He cut him off.
Remus sighed, "Fine... Maybe you're right."
"Maybe?" He raised an eyebrow. Remus laughed,
"Okay, you're absolutely right. I would never have done that. You have my gratitude for taking one for the team."
Suddenly he was smiling again, "It wasn't that terrible." He mimicked.
"You want me to tell her you said that?" Remus asked, pretending to pull away to go find her.
"Don't you dare!" Sirius laughed as he jerked him back into the embrace, making them press fully against each other on accident.
"Oh." Remus whispered. Sirius took in a sharp breath,
"Oh." He repeated.
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
Over by the drinks table James, Peter, and Regulus were still talking.
Peter was stuck between watching Sirius and Remus, and watching Regulus and James.
He couldn't deny it now, James was weird at parties. Even though he wasn't drunk like he normally was, Peter could still hear that tone in his voice, see the look in his eyes that meant he was totally and completely whipped.
Only... Lily Evans wasn't anywhere around.
He glanced back at Remus and Sirius to find something had shifted dramatically in the few seconds he'd looked away.
They stood, holding each other tightly, staring into each other's eyes. Peter could feel the tension from across the room. He felt his own eyes widen quickly looked away to give them privacy, accidentally staring at Lily Evans instead.
"Hey, I'll be right back." He told James and Regulus, who were currently in a heated argument about the best quidditch play from the world cup this year.
Neither of them replied so he just walked away, coming up to sit down beside her.
"Hey, Wormy." She smiled. He smiled back,
"Hey, Evans. This is a great party."
She chuckled, "Yeah, it's interesting to see you actually a part of it."
"Hey, my chess games were top notch." He laughed. She bumped their shoulders together,
"And so were your bathroom hogging skills."
"Touché."
She glanced towards Sirius and Remus,
"Do you see them?" She asked quietly.
"Yeah, I was watching them earlier. It's a good thing, right?"
"Yeah. They deserve to be happy."
"You think they'll make each other happy?" He asked, a little hopeful.
She nodded, her voice was certain, "I do."
"What ever happened between the three of you? Remus refuses to tell anyone, all we know is that it was the only time he ever got drunk."
She snorted, "Merlin, that is really not my story to tell." She smiled at him, "But I can assure you that I know they'll make each other happy."
"You had sex with one of them, didn't you?" He asked. He could see it in the blush that formed on her cheeks.
She looked away but didn't deny it.
"Well, shit. That's one hell of a first drunken experience." Peter muttered.
"I think it was a lot more than just one first experience." She nodded towards the pair again, "If you know what I mean."
"No way." He gasped, "Did they..."
She held her hands up, "I don't know anything, alright? According to this conversation I was too drunk to remember that night."
Peter blew out a long breath, "Noted."
Lily sipped on her drink leisurely, just like Regulus always does. This reminded him of something he noticed earlier,
"So, do you and Regulus know each other well? I saw you guys together when we first got here."
"Oh, kind of. We only hang out at parties. We're like each other's safety net in a way, we make sure nothing goes wrong and that neither of us gets too messed up."
"I don't know, a few years ago probably. It's been a while." She shrugged.
"When did that start?" He tried to make the question casual. Something about the way she said it reminded him of what Remus had said earlier. 'Or maybe it's something else'.
"So you guys always sit next to each other?"
"Mhmm." She glanced around, a slight frown on her lips, "Except today apparently. He went of with Sirius and he hasn't come back yet."
Peter nodded, letting it finally sink in.
Everything James did when he was drunk was always in her direction, the singing, the confessions, the love-sick puppy dog eyes.
But it wasn't ever at her, was it?
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
"Can I ask you something?" He spoke quietly. Regulus eyed his hand but didn't shake him off,
The others had gone off to their separate conversations, leaving James and Regulus alone. James hadn't even noticed Peter leave.
Regulus had ended up winning their quidditch argument, pulling out a trump card James hadn't thought to bring up. He was impressed, his smile wide and genuine. He liked that Regulus wasn't just as passionate as he was.
They stayed quiet for a little bit, Regulus sipped on his drink and James tried to look at anything else, not wanting to get caught staring.
Eventually he couldn't take it anymore.
James turned completely to face Regulus, touching his shoulder to get his attention,
"Shoot."
"Everyone always tells me that my... 'courting' is over the top when I'm drunk. Is it really that bad?"
Regulus' lips twitched up in a smile, "It's not terrible. Some people find it endearing."
There was something different in James' expression when he asked, "Would you happen to be one of those people?"
Regulus watched him for another long moment before he answered, "I guess you could say that."
James nodded and looked away. He never moved his hand, Regulus didn't either.
"Do I ever say a name?" He cleared his throat, "Like when I'm... I don't know, people say I confess things. Do I ever say who I'm talking to?"
Regulus thought back to everything he remembered about Potter's attempts at flirting,
"I'm not sure... No, I don't think so. You did get the color of her eyes wrong one time, Lily laughed about it for like a week. It's hard to forget that they're green. But then again, you were really drunk so nobody blames you."
"What color did I say?" James asked quietly. Regulus looked at him then, the intensity in James' voice throwing him for a loop,
"You said gray."
There was a long pause before James looked up at him too. His eyes searching Regulus' own, like he was memorizing them.
"I meant it."
Regulus was confused for a moment, then he realised that was his eye color. James must have been talking about his eyes.
He froze, but then...
Oh.
Oh.
"Potter?" Regulus suddenly couldn't remember how to speak. James swallowed hard,
"Yeah?"
"It was... Lily you were speaking to all those times... right?"
James shook his head slowly.
"Who was it?" Regulus' question was a whisper.
James finally moved his hand, though instead of dropping it, he lifted it up to hover over Regulus' cheek,
"Do you really need me to answer that?"
⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆
"Sirius, I-" Remus looked away, his head spinning slightly, "I think I might be a little drunk."
Sirius' fingers dug into his shoulders, "How drunk?" He murmured. Remus' eyes held something deeper in them when he replied,
"Not so much that I don't know what I want."
"What do you want, Moons?"
The question was never answered.
It took them mere seconds to make it to the stairs leading up to their dorm.
They shut the door behind them, laughing and clutching onto each other as they caught their breath.
"Can I admit something to you?" Remus whispered, his eyes bright with excitement, "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since that night."
Sirius nodded, "I know how you feel."
"I- I want you, Sirius." Remus turned to face him, holding his hands between his own, "More than that, I... I want to be with you."
"With me?" Sirius questioned. He refused to get his hopes up.
"I think I'm in love with you." Sirius blurted out. He wasn't exactly sure why. He wasn't even drunk. Remus didn't seem to mind, his small smile turned brilliant,
"With you." Remus repeated, "I want everything, Pads, I- I want a life with you. I always have."
And if Sirius had any ounce of self control, the dazed look in Remus' eyes and his small giddy smile was enough to shred it to pieces.
"I think I'm in love with you too." He whispered.
And those were the last words either of them spoke for the rest of the night.
Remus Lupin would always remember the only two times he'd ever gotten drunk. But not for the reasons you would expect.
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theprenderelliepalace · 22 hours
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Tag, you owe me
☆• Five x reader •☆
Season 4 AU -The Umbrella Academy
A/n I'm pretending season 4 happened a lot less season 4ish- so imagine this:
Summary: After The Umbrella Academy stopped The Cleanse and saved the world, life was just as crazy as it had been before. It's Grace's 8th birthday and a lot has happened in two years for Five and the other Hargreeves, you being one of those things. Tensions are high at what should be a simple birthday party, so Five asks you to help him out. But when have you ever listened to Five?
Warnings: Fake dating, cannon typical Hargreaves chaos, fluff, no Five x Lila nonsense (but maybe a bit of drama...), no use of y/n, readers not a marigold baby (but could be), gramatical errors I'm sure, swearing etc.
•☆•
You met Five Hargreeves 2 years ago when you were a paper pusher for the CIA's cold case unit. He was rude, obnoxious in every sense of the word and irritatingly good at his job. Naturally you couldn't resist getting a coffee with him.
You only got strung along from there. Your first case that he dragged you into almost cost you your job and your life, but it also got you bumped up to your own undercover unit, where you spent your days bickering with the worst partner you could've dreamt of.
Two years later and you couldn't have hated him less, but you're trying to be civil.
"Hey Fiver, where'd you put those case files I asked you to sign off? - Mmph!!" Your words are muffled by a calloused hand covering your mouth. You squirm for freedom, your training kicking in. You look up briefly at your captor and physically deflate at the sight of him. You are tempted to scream and get him in trouble, but the look on his face makes you think twice.
"Not a word, or I swear-" You elbow him in the gut, not hard enough to hurt him, just hard enough to get a word in edgewise. His hand falls away in surprise.
You gasp for breath. "The hell are you doing you crazy mother-" His hand clamps over your mouth again. With his free hand, he points out into the lobby. You clock a Hispanic man with scraggly hair at reception. He seems to be talking to Sally at the front desk.
Based on your 2 years of experience with Five. You assume this is either a terrorist, or a family member. Judging by his overreaction, you guess family.
The man sighed at whatever Sally said to him and turns, walking down the hall towards the exit. Five frees you from his iron grip. You stumble away from him, turning on your heel with outrage written all over your face. "You need help."
He smirks, although he appears distracted. "Tell me something I don't know honey." You give him the finger.
"Fuck you. The hell was that about?" You snarl at him.
"Family business. Birthday party. Ugly, ugly stuff. Wouldn't want you to get involved. You might just mess up your nails." He mocks. Shuddering at the thought of his family.
"First of all, my nails are always fantastic. Secondly, don't bullshit me." Five quirks a brow at you. "You've been doing this song and dance with your mysterious 'family' since I first met you. You're just a coward in my book Fiver." You watch his jaw clench, taking satisfaction in striking a nerve.
"Oh. Okay, I see how it is partner. You want my crybaby, backstory? Well come 'n get it sister." He glares at you, waiting for you to accept the challenge. You scoff. This is ridiculous, you're well into your 20s, this whole thing is just juvenile.
"Can't we be more mature than this?" You plead, though sarcasm drips off your tongue with a lazy ease.
"One of us can't." He retorts. You roll your eyes. You've learned that when he gets like this, it's best to bow out for a few hours and wait for everything to return to normal.
"Okay. Okay. I'll get lost. But I warn you Fiver, this whole thing will only bite you in the ass one day." You shrug, making for the break room. He grabs your wrist.
"I hate that stupid nickname."
"I know you do. Honey." You taunt him. It's dangerous, but oh how it thrills you. He pulls you closer, your lips are dangerously close, but achingly far.
"You owe me, you know..." You watch the gears turn in his head as that look you know so well falls over his face. "An eye for an eye. What'dya say?" The smug smirk on his face is enough to make you want to smack him.
"How'd you figure that you fuckin' cowboy?" Your stomach swirls with hot, unadulterated hatred, and something else...
"Remember the Fortheim case?" He gambles, knowing he's already won.
"Okay! Okay... Enough said..." He leans back, satisfied.
"Atta girl." You slap him.
•☆•
And that little backstory, was how you ended up drinking apple juice at an 8 year-olds birthday party at a Lazer Tag joint downtown.
"Happy?" You ask Five, who's had you glued to his arm for the last 2 hours.
"Not a day in my life." He sighs. You shake your head, itching to snap back when you hear someone call his name.
"Five! Long time no see man." A gangly looking hipster saunters towards the two of you. You smile at him, you're not sure what it is, but you like him already. "Oooh, who's your little lady friend?"
"Girlfriend." You say.
"Date." He states. You and Five exchange glances.
Five clears his throat. "This is my brother, Klaus." Your partner straightens his tie, as though trying to blend into the wall and out of this conversation. Klaus hums in amusement, his eyes crinkling with silent mirth. The hippie extends a graceless arm towards Five, enveloping him in an iron side-hug.
"You'll forgive my brother. He's never been the social butterfly of our family." Klaus smiles, it's a stupid smile, but it makes your heart warm to the brotherly love evident in his gesture.
"I noticed." You smile at Five, who shrinks even further into the wall, if possible.
"So, Miss Five's Secret Girlfriend. Where did he find you?" Klaus inquires, almost as though he's speaking about the weather.
You laugh. "Oh some back alley somewhere. Nothing fancy."
"Klaus let me go." Five warns. Straining against his brothers grip. For a guy so skinny, he has incredible grip strength to hold onto his whirlwind of a brother.
Klaus ignores this demand. "Oh yes. Makes sense. Not that you look the alley-type sweetheart, I just know my brother." He winks at you.
You smirk in return. Thoroughly enjoying Fives suffering. "I guess you do."
Abruptly, Klaus releases Five, sending him hurtling backwards. You can barely stifle your giggles now. "Well, it's been a pleasure missy. You're too good for him by the way." Klaus struts off towards the food table, eyeing the chocolate éclairs hungrily.
"I agree." You say to Five, who's look of pure rage could topple buildings.
"I hate him." He scowls.
"Oh hush. He's great." You grab your fake boyfriend by the arm, tugging him towards a cluster of people talking behind a drink cooler, suddenly feeling all the more chatty.
"Five? I didn't think you'd come." Says a strikingly tall man with spiked blond hair. He glances at you and then at your hand clenched around Fives. The look of confusion on his face is priceless. "I- who? What -" Internally cackling at your newfound revelation, you make to reply.
"Hi, I'm Five's partner." Not entirely dishonest. You stick your hand towards him, he shakes it dumbly, lost for words.
"Five? A girlfriend? What, are we on a Prankshow?" Says the woman at his side. She eyes you suspiciously. "Sloane." She affirms. You nod with practiced ease.
Five looks about ready to kill. You decide to ease off some. "My other brother, Luther." Your partner growls. Luther smiles now, almost like he's somehow in on a very bad joke. He begins to say something, but you cut him off.
"It was nice to meet you both. Excuse me for a moment." You smile sweetly, heading for the bathrooms. You catch Fives deathstare. "Fiver." You wink. You cackle as you listen to the onslaught of questions and abuses from his family. Serves him right, dragging you all the way out here, explaining nothing and still managing to be the most cantankerous jerk you've ever met.
You duck behind a corner, taking a corridor that leads into one of the Lazer Tag rooms. You decide to wait until they cut the cake before you make your showstopping final appearance. You're feeling on top of the world until you feel a familiar hand clasp your wrist.
"When I said come to my nieces birthday party as a distraction, that was not what I meant."
You turn to face Five. "What, did you want us to make-out or something? Would that have been distracting enough?" You scoff, pulling your hand out of his. "You're such a prick Hargreaves, you know that? Dragging me out here as bait! What the hell am I even doing here? You've got a good enough relationship with your brothers. Why bother?"
He looks at down at his polished brogues, the lilac light from the strobing LEDs above making him look older, haggard even. "It's complicated."
"By all means, uncomplicate it."
"I- I had this thing with my brother's wife..."
"Jesus Five!"
He glares at you reproachfully. "Not like that dammit! He just thought... it was a godawful time in my life okay?" He sighs, like the weight of the confession was boring into his chest.
"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry like that, but we're partners Five. We don't trick each other for petty stuff." You smile. "If you wanted to ask me out that bad, you shouldda just asked." You tease.
He smiles wryly. "That obvious huh?"
What? "What?" You gulp, dumbfounded.
He laughs at you, this achingly amazing laugh that catches you, making your laugh echo his in a sweet bubble of silliness.
"I've got to have a word with my brother, but," He smiles nervously at you. That's a first. "Do you wanna get outta here?"
"Depends on what I have an itch for." You smile coyly.
"Coffee?"
"Coffee."
He winks at you. "You got it partner." Suddenly your face becomes hot, you look away, enjoying the new meaning in the word. You glance up again, ready for a comeback only to find Five absent. It was strange, you could've swarn he couldn't have gone anywhere without you hearing him go. It was such a tight space, with hartily creaking floors.
In your stupor, you made your way back to the main party area. Finding Five, engrossed in conversation with the Hispanic man from earlier. You make your way over to them.
"Don't sweat it man. We're cool, Lila's cool."
"Says who?" You hear a woman's English accent from behind a brightly coloured piñata. The Hispanic man rolls his eyes.
"Don't listen to her. We're all good now Five. I get it, it was seven years."
Five tenses. "Nothing happened Diego." Diego laughs.
"I forget what a prude you are sometimes man. Chill. But I get it, you're trynna impress your new chica, right?" Diego glances at you slyly. You squirm slightly. Five turns, spots you and huffs.
"Okay. Goodbye. I've had enough of this family for one afternoon. Come on you." He waves at you over his shoulder.
"What? What girl- oh!" Lila, apparently, peers around the piñata and laughs, the complete hysterical kind. "Never in my life..." She pats Five on the shoulder, uttering something you can't hear.
By now, there are 7 people surrounding you, all smirking like idiots. You find it endearing.
You decide to take matters into your own hands. You take Fives hand, drag him away from his family and towards the door, but not before planting your palms tenderly on either side of his face and pressing your lips to his. He gasps into your kiss but his hands find your waist eventually, pulling you into him.
His siblings jeer and catcall, but you get the sense he doesn't care anymore. You giggle into the kiss as you watch him give them the finger. He pulls away from you, stranding out to the parking lot.
You gaze fondly at the people in the lobby and give them the bow they deserve. "Thank you and goodnight!" You smile at the laughter that echoes after you as the doors close behind you.
You race to catch up to Five, who's already waiting to open the passenger door for you. "I like your family Fiver."
He smiles, "They like you honey."
•☆•
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bullet-prooflove · 2 days
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The 'Oh Dear This Got A Little Filthy' Prompt List
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Please check the updated character list on my pinned post to see who I am writing for before submitting a prompt!
Also read the rules and do not forget to put the entire prompt into your ask!
I heard you're back together and if that's true, You'll just have to taste me when he's kissin' you
I write my name with lipstick on your chest
You wanna guess the color of my underwear, Is it pretty in pink or all see-through?
I said I would die for you, baby
I leave a mark so you know I'm the best
Treat me the way I like Don't you take your time
You wanna put 'em in your mouth, pull 'em all down south
He pins you down on the carpet, Makes paintings with his tongue 
You sold me lies just by the way you look
Come right on me,
I was in a sheer dress the day that we met
Every time you close your eyes And feel his lips, you're feelin' mine
I dug my grave watching the way you move
Drowning in the words that I wish we never said
Who's the cute boy with the white jacket and the thick accent?
There's so many things I'm tempted by But you bring me back to the light
You can have him if you like I've been there, done that once or twice
And keep me stuck in your mind Baby, rain or shine
Visions of her naked in my head
How you're lookin' at me, yeah, I know what that means
I thought I was about to be a father
No more thinking about you late night
Losing all my innocence in the backseat
Try it, bite it, lick it, spit it, Pull it to the side and get all up in it
I don't want to lose you, baby But I can't play this game no more
Yeah, I know I've been known to share
I know it's so wrong, but it feels so right
It's that lacy black pair with the little bows The ones I picked out for you in Tokyo
How you talk so sweet when you're doin' bad things
Somewhere deep in you Somewhere deep in me, Oh, there's still two lovers
'Cause no one's more amazin' At turnin' lovin' into hatred
I saw them when you sat down, they were peekin' out I'm gonna tell you right now, they're all I'm thinkin' about
And I hope that you're so damn sure that leaving me was right
Fog up the windows in the parking lot
Done picking up pieces of my soul up off the floor
Therе's a hole in my chest 'Cause the day that you left Was the day that I died
Baby, I'm just a man
But tonight I save my life when I showed you the door
And there ain't always blood in a fight
I won't give a fuck about you
You tried to take away my sanity Baby, that ain't for me
Want you every second, don't need other guys
How you pick me up, pull 'em down, turn me 'round 
I need to know if you're okay I wanna know, I need to know if you're okay
Drink all night till I can't walk in a straight line
I'm right there where you left me Standing in the kitchen
There's a war up against my heart and head
You do somethin' sus, kiss my cute ass bye
Oh, I remember how you were You were every shade of perfect
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creaturebloom · 1 year
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idk i think a lot of people fail to realize that most other people are, in fact, just people also
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autisticandroids · 1 year
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FAMINE: That's one deep, dark nothing you've got there, Dean.
[youtube with closed captions]
dean and his father. dean and his family. dean and how bad it is.
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(via @closetoyou1970)
#spn#vid#mind the warnings on this one for real#woe! fruit of my rewatch be upon ye.#pallas calls this my 'deangirl coming out vid' which honestly. true. but those who paid attention know i've always been a deangirl.#also. after this no more deanwinchester rilo kiley amvs I Pwomise#anyway. i'm not gonna give a full commentary here but a big reason why i chose this song is that the narrator#is essentially dismissing her own problems and instead watching the problems of someone else#and i kind of wanted to play with that theme. this is the parallels show so let's do some parallels. lots of things happen to characters#that are Like Dean somehow. either in personality or circumstance. that we know or can infer happen to him. but we don't see it bc it's#not sayable. not speakable. so like for an easy one. we see meg being tortured in caged heat. she also talks about apprenticing under#alastair just like dean. so i show her being tortured [in a way that is sexualized and demon-specific] and reacting how she does#because i invite the audience to imagine or interpret that this has also happened to dean at some point. we just don't see it#so there are many dean parallels in this video. some obvious. some subtle but textual. some products of my twisted mind. but that's the way#i am using them to make my argument.#oh also: dean voice sam's eyes going black is JUST like when he used to fight with dad and wouldn't listen to me when i told him not to.#i guess also the point is that because it's unsayable. dean can't say it. dean can't even acknowledge it. and so it bleeds through#into everything in his life#that's why it's important that the song narrator doesn't take her own problems seriously. dean doesn't either.
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ineed-to-sleep · 4 months
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Funny how all it takes is a couple of conversations with a cis straight man about gender to make me go "yup I'm definitely not cis"
#listen I adore my stepfather ok but he's got a pretty traditional view of gender#he's very respectful of others and doesn't enforce it on anyone else#and I think it's not that toxic all things considered bc he sees 'manhood' as being primarily about being hard working and protecting other#but it's still very gender essentialist#and he sees a lot of things as 'man things' and 'woman things'#and talks about skills and roles that are 'men's'#and I'm just like well but I do a lot of those things. but I identify with a lot of the things you describe.#and he tries to go around it like 'ahh well but you have personal history with that' etc etc#we get along really well tho we don't fight or anything but it's interesting to me#it makes me realize just how much I'm outside of the binary in the eyes of cis people#and how much 'trying to be a man' or 'trying to be a woman' are things that hold no emotional meaning to me(personally)#I could not care less what makes me masculine or feminine or if either of those labels are revoked for some reason#taking on the label of woman or man feels like a burden to me bc it always comes with a set of expectations#I just wanna be me yk. I just want people to see me through the lens of 'this is a person'#'this is what this person likes. this is how this person behaves'#I just wanna turn off gender. can I do that? like just flip a switch and no one perceives me as anything anymore#in a perfect world maybe#sleep.txt#I honestly still don't fully understand how I feel about gender but. I know that I don't like being put into a box#the box is Evil.
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