#fairytalestappen

[toppamplemousse]

fairytalestappen part 5/5: sleeping beauty

last one best one!!!!!!!!!!

hope you enjoyed this series, i enjoyed rambling on and on about these two freaks and the many universes where they are abnormal about each other. and also about making them princesses and putting them in dresses. heheheheh.

this one is set in the real f1 world, max and charles are both drivers, but its magical realism where spells, hexes, potions, etc are commonplace

it’s set in abu dhabi 2025, the wdc fight has come down to the last race and it’s charles vs. max vs. lando, any three of them could win it (two hydrogen bombs vs a coughing baby) (if you’re wondering who won the wcc, ferrari already clinched it, that’s not important at all for the story but it’s important for me)

backstory is: charles and max are fuck buddies during the 2025 season. letting out steam during the race weekends etc. convincing themselves that’s all it is. a week before abu dhabi, charles tells max that they need to stop seeing each other until after the last race, because it’s just too much with the championship battle. max was gearing up to tell charles that he had feelings and wanted more and he’s DEVASTATED. some miscommunication here obv.

so max is despondent going into abu dhabi but still determined to win of course.

because they are cheaters and can never win anything legally ever, mclaren have come up with a plan to guarantee that lando will win the wdc: they will slip a sleeping potion into max and charles' drinks and then max and charles will be asleep for the race and lando will cruise to victory

there’s just one small catch of this sleeping potion: the person affected can be instantaneously awoken by none other than True Loves Kiss. but that should be fine, right? neither max nor charles have girlfriends, so there’s no way anyone can wake them up. foolproof plan, zak brown

the morning of the race dawns (lestappen are starting on the front row btw, that’s not important for the story but it’s important to Me) and oh no! charles leclerc has been hit with a sleeping potion and he’s asleep and can’t be roused by anyone! (in my head he’s in his car very peacefully asleep)

max is unaffected bc in my head the red bull was powerful enough to counteract the sleeping potion

max KNOWS it was mclaren who did this but he has no way to prove it. the only thing he can do is figure out how to wake charles up before the race. even though it would be easier for max if charles slept through the race, max doesn’t want to win the wdc because charles isn’t racing, he wants to race charles and win, blah blah blah predestined rivals etc etc you get it

also max loves charles so much, he doesn’t want him to miss out on the chance to race for a wdc just because mclaren are huge massive cheaters. so max decides, even though it pains him, he’s going to find out who charles’ true love is, and get them to kiss charles, so that charles will wake up and can race. because if max can’t have charles, then he at least wants to be able to race charles (the sleeping drought may not have put max to sleep but it may have atrophied his brain honestly)

so anyways max wracks his brain to think of who could be charles’ true love. first candidate: lewis of course. he’s charles’ teammate, and they’ve been getting closer and closer this year. brilliant idea max. he goes to lewis explains the situation. lewis looks at him first with pity and then like he’s objectively insane.

lewis categorically refuses to attempt to kiss charles. vague mention to the fact that he can’t be charles' true love because he knows someone else is his true love (he says this in a very tortured way, implying that it didn't work out with his true love. brocedes you will alwayyyyyyyys be famous). so anyways lewis is not an option.

next up: charles’ FORMER teammate carlos. they always got along, had a good rapport, and many charged moments. max goes to him in the williams garage and begs and pleads with him to try to kiss charles. carlos is willing to give it a whirl. he goes to the ferrari garage and plants one on charles. max sits there and seethes, feels like carlos lingers for too long. it doesn’t work. max doesn’t acknowledge the twist of satisfaction in his gut.

next up: maybe someone that charles works closely with in ferrari, someone he trusts and has a close relationship with. max finds bryan and asks him if he will consider kissing charles to wake him up. bryan casually drops that he already tried it and it didn’t work and max is FURIOUS but doesn't interrogate exactly why the thought of bryan kissing charles makes him so mad. poor dumb loser max (affectionate).

the next person on max’s list isn’t even in the paddock, so he gives seb a call. seb is the best option so far because definitely at one point, many years ago, he was charles’s true love. seb is in switzerland but he could make it in time for the race. max begs and pleads with him to just come try it, seb really wars with himself because. could he be……? no. but he and charles always had something........but no. but will seb always wonder if he doesn’t go? but ultimately seb says he won’t do it. he gives max some cryptic advice that maybe charles' true love is "right under his nose" but max has no idea what that means. classic seb.

max is at his wits end. the race is an hour away. max considers also dropping out of the race in solidarity with charles , but he can’t just let cheating mclaren win. so he has to go through with it and win for charles

max is despondent and goes to find fred in the paddock, to explain that he tried his best to wake charles up, but without any success. fred is like "have you tried EVERYONE???" and max is like "yes, of course, and nothing worked." and fred is like "literally EVERYONE you can think of, they've all kissed charles and it hasn't worked??" and max is like "yes??? that's what i just said. i guess charles' true love doesn't work in the paddock."

finally, fred is fed up with this dumbass, so he's like "hey max, will you humor me, just to rule out all options, just to be methodical, you understand, will you kiss charles, just to make sure you've ruled out every option? just do it for me please max, to put my mind at ease."

max tries to protest that charles doesn’t see him like that and just recently broke off their arrangement they had. fred is like "okay, i just wanted to make sure we ruled out every option, before we sacrifice charles' best chance to win the wdc, but ah well."

so finally max is like. even though it will break my heart to go to kiss charles and have it absolutely confirmed beyond a shadow of a doubt that charles doesn't love me, but i'll do it for him, because i have to try everything i can to help him have a chance of racing today.

max goes to garage 16. imagine a swell of music as the tension builds. he leans in and kisses charles very sweetly. and -- wait, is that???? charles is waking up????? but that means-- that means that max is.........................he's charles' true love!!!!!

charles eyelashes flutter and his eyes open (many thoughts here about his beautiful green eyes) max kisses him again and again. charles is confused, but max explains everything and charles is like “you made CARLOS KISS ME!!!!!!!!!????!!!!! and then they both are confessing their feelings and are very happy and then bryan pops his head into the garage and he’s like “hey the race is starting in like 10 mins”

and as he leaves charles has a thoughtful look on his face and max is like “yes bryan also kissed you” and charles is like “BRYAN??!!!!!!!??????..............did he say if it was good or not?”

anyways im getting side tracked. max and charles are happily ever after and oh charles goes and wins the race and the wdc and mclaren is disqualified and zak brown is fired. the end.

[toppamplemousse]

fairytalestappen part 1: beauty and the beast

a series of headcanons for fics that will never be written but exist fully fleshed out in our minds

for months now, we have had vague ideas of a series of lestappen fics all based on popular disney princess movies. alas it seems they are consigned to the fic graveyard and will never be written but that doesn't mean that people don't deserve to hear about them

so without further ado.........

part 1 of 5: beauty and the beast

starring charles as the beauty (obviously) and max as the beast (sorry max). and also all of the animated objects like lumiere, cogsworth, mrs. potts, etc are max’s ex-teammates (checo is mrs. potts thats the only one i've assigned for sure). charles is still an f1 driver but max is NOT (sorry max again)

basically jos pissed off a witch at some point and got a curse placed on him which was inherited by max when jos died. max is cursed to be beastly and also for reasons i can't remember he wasn't able to leave his abandoned villa that he lives in in the hills above monaco. the curse will only be lifted when jos, now max, has someone who loves him enough to do something truly selfless for him.

the beast is a well known myth in monaco, like whenever things go wrong in monaco (storms, designer clothing boutiques closing, etc) the monegasques blame the beast and say the beast is responsible

so charles, of course, thinks that his monaco curse, which has kept him from winning the monaco grand prix for so many years, is caused by the beast, and this year in the weeks before monaco, he decides to visit the beast and see if he can get the curse lifted (we conceived of this idea before charles had won monaco so there was going to be a lot of angst about never having won monaco. monaco 2024 you'll always be famous) charles makes the journey up to max's villa. there’s a storm and charles gets lost, so max comes out to rescue him, but charles thinks he’s kidnapping him. they get off on the wrong foot immediately and hate each other

charles tries to get max to talk about the curse but max clams up and wont tell him anything. charles meets all the ex-teammates and they explain the curse being passed down and that max isn’t a bad person. maybe they do it in song? who could say. alex albon sings be our guest. okay moving on.

charles tells max about his monaco curse, but max swears he has nothing to do with it. however, he takes charles to a room in his house filled with F1 memorabilia and says they can look through it together to see if there’s any mention of a monaco curse. charles is charmed and as they look through the objects together, they begin joking and flirting and start to See Each Other In A Different Light.

daniel/pierre/alex/checo organize a very romantic moment where charles and max watch the sunset over monaco and share a dance (checo is singing beauty and the beast in the background but that's unimportant. charles is somehow wearing a giallo modena ballgown and that is very important To Me). they have A Moment where they Look Into Each Other's Eyes and charles is about to lean in to kiss max when max breaks away and flees (bc he thinks he's unlovable bc he's a beast and because of the curse. poor max. it's going to get worse buddy).

oh no! it’s imola weekend. charles has to leave but promises max he’ll come back immediately. max doesn’t believe him bc he’s cursed and no one ever keeps their promises. LOTS OF ANGST. then charles DNFs in imola and ferrari are worried about his mental state going into monaco so they put him on lockdown. charles is ANGUISHED bc max is going to think he abandoned him. but there's nothing he can do about it until after monaco.

charles DOMINATES the FPs in monaco and he’s all-but-guaranteed to get pole. there’s a lot of unrest in monaco bc the monegasque people are worried that this year is going to be like previous years, and charles is going to be robbed of the win he so clearly deserves. so a mob forms to march up to max’s house in the hills above monaco and kill him, so that charles will not be cursed anymore. damn these monegasques are kinda dramatic.

charles faces an agonizing decision. he needs to stay for quali to get pole and have any hope of winning. but they’re threatening the love of his life’s life. it's not really a choice at all. charles leaves the paddock and races up the hills to max’s house. its raining. it’s very dramatic. charles saves max from the mob, gives a big speech about how he loves max, how he knows now he isn’t cursed, how he can win the race without anyone interfering for him.

charles has given up any hope of winning his home race in order to protect max. SELFLESS ACT. max’s curse is broken. he and charles kiss and declare their love, max is like “i can’t believe you gave up your home race for me” charles says “there’s always next year”

but wait! the rain was so severe that quali was delayed! charles makes it back in time and puts it on pole. he wins the race, and max is there in parc ferme and under the podium.

then they go to jimmy’z afterwards and live happily ever after.

i know that in the movie the whole curse is also affecting lumiere and cogsworth etc and at the end when the curse is broken they become people again but in this story all the ex-teammates stay as objects forever and live in max and charles' house. maybe liam lawson joins them as a little teacup one day, who can say for sure

next up: cinderella!!!

[toppamplemousse]

fairytalestappen part 3: snow white

welcome back to fairytalestappen, but before we get to the lestappen of it all, we have to take a little detour to a land called Sebchal

we're back to the basics: charles is again our beautiful princess. skin as white as snow. hair as brown as mahogany. lips as pink as roses. eyes as green as the mediterranean. race suit as red as rosso corsa.

okay now that max verstappen is done inhabiting my body: this story is a set in a magical version of f1, where racing still exists but so does magic, spells, potions, all of it. here we take inspiration from the most iconic of f1 fics: fool's gold by cazio (this fic changed lives go read it if you haven’t it’s 155 chapters of the greatest story ever told ). basically, each f1 team is its own kingdom. and the f1 drivers are princes of the kingdom. the #1 driver is the crown prince, and the #2 driver is his heir. okay now that that's explained.

picture 2019 charles. a baby deer. fresh off of one of the best rookie seasons in f1 history and the call-up to ferrari. he is so beautiful and so young. and he worships the ground that his older teammate, 4x WDC sebestatian vettel walks on. hero worship to the max. you get the picture.

sebastian is the ferrari crown prince. he is ferrari's best hope for a championship. he is not threatened at all by this little twink who is going to be his teammate. every morning, seb wakes up and he asks his magic mirror (Fernando Alonso) who the next champion for ferrari will be. and every day, the magic mirror (Fernando Alonso) answers, "The next world champion for Ferrari will be Sebastian Vettel." Day in, day out. Even throughout Merc domination, the magic mirror (Fernando Alonso) holds firm: Seb will be the next Ferrari WDC.

Up until the day of Charles' first race with Ferrari. That morning, Seb wakes up, asks the magic mirror (Fernando Alonso) who will be the next Champion for ferrari. And the magic mirror (Fernando Alonso) answers: "Charles Leclerc will be the next champion for Ferrari."

Sebastian is FURIOUS. How dare this little upstart come in and steal his team and his guarantees of a championship?!!! But he's also logical. Fernando is very mischevious and is just trying to get a rise out of him. No way that this baby-faced 21 year old beats a 4x WDC for Red Bull and a race winner for Ferrari.

Except that day, Charles wins his first race ever for Ferrari (AS IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN (almost) IF HE HAD WON BAHRAIN 2019 AND WON HIS SECOND EVER RACE FOR FERRARI IT HAUNTS ME AT NIGHT IT HAUNTS ME IT HAUNTS ME). okay anyways.

And at that moment, Seb resolves that he needs to get rid of Charles by any means necessary. His first thought: get someone to tamper with Charles' car, so that he has mechanical issues every race and cannot hope to challenge Seb.

Seb enlists Kimi Raikkonen (who should be very bitter bc Charles took his seat) to sneak into Garage 16 and mess around with parts of Charles' car. Kimi goes to Charles' garage and tampers with Charles' gearbox, causing Charles to DNS from pole at, you guessed it, Monaco (AAHDJHKDJHKJHGLFGL). Charles is DEVASTATED.

After the race, Kimi overhears Charles being comforted by his mechanics, and Charles is being selfless and taking the blame, even though it was a mechanical issue. Kimi sees how selfless Charles is, plus how sad and ruffled and baby-deer-like he looks, and is angry that Seb convinced him that Charles was this evil presence.

Kimi finds Charles in the paddock and he tells Charles that someone paid him to mess with Charles' car. He doesn't tell Charles who paid him though. Charles is angry and sad and frustrated etc, so he seeks to soothe his woes the only way he knows how: clubbing.

That's right, Charles goes to Jimmy'z that night and drinks/dances to forget. Throughout the night, he dances with and complains to seven different drivers, who all give him varying degrees of advice. These drivers will henceforth be known as the Seven Drivers of Jimmy'z: George Russell (Doc), Alex Albon (Bashful), Oscar Piastri (Sleepy), Esteban Ocon (Grumpy, but only bc one of the other dwarves is Pierre), Carlos Sainz (Happy), Pierre (Sneezy, idk why), and Lando Norris (Dopey). (note that one of the drivers in Charles' age group is conspicuously absent from this list, and indeed he is the Monaco race winner and is also partying it up at Jimmy'z and Studiously Not Making Eye Contact With Charles And Avoiding Him Very Conspicuously. we'll come back to that later)

Seb's initial strategy has worked, Charles' confidence has been shaken, but now Kimi is refusing to work with him any more, and the Seven Drivers of Jimmy'z are working together to guard Charles' garage at future race weekends, so he can't hire anyone else to sabotage Charles. So seb's next strategy is, you guessed it, to seduce Charles and distract him from racing. Seb has seen the way Charles looks at him, the hero worship in his eyes. It should be pretty easy to get Charles to fall for him, right?

Wrong. While Charles is still very admiring of Seb and there is still the Hero Worship Of It All, and there are many charged moments (bahrain gloved hand cupping charles' face, anyone?), Charles doesn't give in to Seb's advances. Oh, he flirts with him plenty, of course, but when Seb tries to take things to the next level, Charles always demurs. Weird, right? (side note but Charles seems very forlorn and heartbroken during all of seb's advances. almost like he's getting over someone else? but i'm sure that's not going to be important later.)

And through it all, Charles continues to beat him on track. (Bear with me here for taking many liberties with the F1 race calendar). Charles wins two races in a row in Spa and Monza. The first Ferrari driver to win the Italian GP in 10 years. And then, in Hockenheim, Seb DNFs from pole and Charles wins (Nico Rosberg records a video celebrating Charles' win and lamenting Seb's DNF with the biggest smile on his face. If you know the video, you know).

Hockenheim is the last straw. Seb decides to take drastic action. He gets a love potion (how, you ask? From his magic mirror, Fernando Alonso, who has a magician's assistant (Lance Stroll obv) who handles his magic for him because Fernando is, of course, a mirror) and slips it into Charles' drink. Surely THIS will make Charles fall in love with him.

Charles drinks the love potion, and while he is just as hero-worshippy as ever, he isn't acting like he's IN LOVE with Seb. How can this be? Seb goes to Fernando, who gleefully (picture it) informs him that the love potion will only work if the recipient isn't ALREADY IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. now we're getting somewhere.

Seb destroys poor mirror Fernando in his rage. RIP mirror fernando. Fine. He'll take matters into his own hands. At the next driver's parade, Seb brings a poisoned KNIFE in his pocket, determined to end this once and for all. When they are in a section of the track without any fans, Seb takes out the knife and prepares to STAB charles (is this too dark? who cares), when suddenly, in a flash of blonde hair, blue eyes, dreamy thighs, and a lip freckle, someone shoves him away and shields Charles with their body.

It's Max (finally)!!!!! It turns out that he and Charles had been together but recently broken up because of, you guessed it, Austria 2019 (which also happened at some point during this messed up race calendar and went exactly as it did in real life) and they were both very heartbroken and dramatic and torn up about it. Charles and Max confess that they each still love each other and they decide to get back together. They kiss etc while the Seven Drivers of Jimmy'z tackle seb to the ground and beat him up. Maybe they sing "Whistle While You Work" while they do it. IDK.

Anyways, Seb gets dropped from Ferrari, Charles goes on to win many world championships for Ferrari, and Charles and Max live happily ever after. The ENd.

next up: the little mermaid!

[toppamplemousse]

fairytalestappen part 2: cinderella

or should i say……cinderMAX ‼️🤭

- starring Max as Cinderella (yay Max gets to be the princess!!!! and he looks like such a beautiful princess with his beautiful blue eyes in this photo!!!!!!) and Charles as Prince Charming (prince of ferrari fr)

- As kids, Charles and Max both do karting. They have a rivalry but also a respect for each other. However, Charles is the prince so he has to quit to focus on ruling the kingdom. Max is sad.

- Shortly after, Max’s dad remarries and he has an evil stepfather Helmut Marko (yes Jos is gay), who’s two daughters Christiana and Adrianna are the nasty stepsisters (we went back and forth on whether it should be Christian and Adrian as stepbrothers but we decided stepsisters was funnier lmao) Max’s dad dies and Helmut Marko makes max quit karting so he can become their full time servant. They call him Cindermax HAHAHAHAH

- Time passes. Charles, the crown prince, is facing pressure from his advisor Bryan (picture him as the duke with the monocle, you know he’s eating that shit uppp) to get married. They decide to hold a ball on the evening after the well-known charity karting race that the kingdom holds every year. Every eligible man and woman is invited to the race and ball. (side note that in my head this all occurs in the kingdom of the animated Cinderella but ostensibly it could occur in Monaco and the charity race is like a precursor to the grand prix etc. anyways. there’s so many other things to focus on that this isn’t really important)

- Max really wants to go to the race (he doesn’t really care about the ball, he just wants to go karting again bc he loves it so much). His mouse friends Lando and Oscar find an old blue racing suit (with the German flag and the name Vettel on it, how odd) for max to wear to the race (believe me it hurts so much to have a mouse character and it’s not my little mouse Charles but he has to be the prince here so alas)

- Helmut and Christiana and Adrianna find out that max is planning to go to the race and they make fun of him and his driving ability and then rip up his beloved race suit and give him so many chores that he’ll never finish in time. cue despondent max crying in the courtyard, when all of a sudden, in a flurry of sparkles, who should appear but Max’s fairy godmother, Gianpiero Lambiase

- GP makes him a new blue race suit and he also gives Max a helmet with Max’s favorite animal, a bull on it, plus a pair of blue racing gloves and gold racing boots. He transforms Lando and Oscar, plus a couple other animals (Checo, Liam, Yuki, Franco) into Max’s pit crew/mechanics for the race. He takes a pumpkin and makes it into a go kart for Max

- Max makes it to the charity race. He starts on the back row but battles his way to the front and from then on it’s him and Charles racing each other, exchanging the lead, racing on the limit and almost pushing each other off at every corner. It’s exhilarating racing someone like that again…..so similar to how it was in karting…..interesting

- Max and Charles talk as they wait for the fake podium, they are both immediately enamored. Charles takes off his helmet (and Max recognizes him from karting) but Max doesn’t take off his, because he’s worried that Charles will recognize him and pity him or something like that. This of course means that Charles takes special notice of this man’s helmet Which Will Be Important Later. Charles asks max if he’ll be at the ball later. Max wasn’t originally planning to go, he just wanted to race, but he says yes because he’s so charmed by charles (join the club Max)

- GP helps Max change into a nice outfit for the ball, and it’s a masquerade ball so Max is wearing a mask. He is of course wearing blue. Is he wearing a dress? I’ll leave that up to the readers imagination. Max gets to the ball and he sees Charles dancing with Christiana/Adrianna. He’s jealous and mad so he leaves the ballroom to get some air and sulk. Charles finds him and they talk and flirt. Charles doesn’t realize that Max is the same person that he raced earlier, so he talks about how exciting it was and how much he wants to find that person and be able to talk about racing with them. Maybe he also mentions how the last time he felt that excited while racing was when he was karting with this old rival of his who always pushed him to be a better driver.

- Charles asks Max to dance outside in the garden, away from the crowds, bc he can tell the crowd makes Max nervous. it’s very romantic. not nearly as romantic as Checo singing Beauty and the Beast but alas, what is? anyways it’s all very charged and there’s lots of staring into each others eyes and leaning into each other and also they fit so perfectly together as they dance it’s like they’ve known each other their whole lives Okay Moving On.

- They kiss, but then the clock strikes twelve and max runs away. his blue racing glove falls from his pocket, and Charles realizes that he’s the same person as the man he raced against that afternoon as Max is running away. Charles chases after him but Max escapes in his carriage (which used to be his go kart which used to be a pumpkin. many layers to this).

- Max gets home and the next morning, Helmut figures out that he was at the race and later dancing with Charles because he finds Max’s gold racing boots and realizes they are the same ones the driver was wearing. Helmut also puts together that Max was at the ball and he’s furious, so he locks Max away in the garage of the house. Because he’s in the garage, Max starts tinkering with a karting engine that he’s been rebuilding as a side project.

- Charles comes to their house, looking for the man he raced against, who he now knows is the man he danced with and kissed. He tries on the racing glove but it doesn’t fit Christiana or Adrianna. Suddenly there’s a crash coming from the garage and Charles realizes that there’s someone else in the house that Helmut doesn’t want him to meet

- They all rush to the garage and find Max there (he dropped a wrench or something idk how engines work). Charles pulls out the racing glove to see if it fits Max but suddenly Helmut snatches it and tosses it in the fire! Oh No!

- But then something catches Charles’ eye on a shelf in the garage. It’s Max’s helmet from the charity race the day before, the blue helmet with the bull on it. And right next to it is another, smaller helmet that Charles would recognize anywhere. It’s Max’s helmet from when they raced against each other in karting. It’s at this point that Charles realizes that this is the man he kissed last night, raced against in the charity race, AND who was his childhood rival before he had to leave karting.

- Charles takes down the helmet and puts it on Max’s head, it fits! Charles kisses the visor, very romantic and beautiful etc etc etc. He proposes to max on the spot. Max says yes. eat rocks Helmut Marko.

- And they all live happily ever after including mice landoscar who are also in love. Fairy godmother GP comes back to make max his wedding outfit and this time he DOES wear a dress i’m certain of it.

- And Helmut and Christina and Adrianna die penniless and their cat becomes feral and has to be put down (sorry to adrian newey he kinda got caught up in all this but i don’t really have beef with him. christian horner i do have beef with he deserves all of this and much worse)

next up: snow white!!!!!

[toppamplemousse]

fairytalestappen part 4/5: the little mermaid

sorry for the delay in putting this part out, i've been feverishly writing the surprise brainworm that took over and is now a 21k fic that we'll be posting next week hehehehehe

please bear with me as a take about 1 million artistic liberties with the story of the little mermaid and also throw a bit of pirates of the caribbean in there

max is the captain of a pirate ship. traumatic upbringing, very jaded and cynical, doesn't trust anyone but himself to do things. he stole a Navy ship and became a pirate and now he's feared and admired in equal measure as the famous pirate captain Mad Max and his ship is #UnleashTheLion

one day, Max's crew capture a mermaid in their fishing net, and they're planning to kill him and stuff him and sell him to a museum. Max is initially ambivalent, but then gets a look at the mermaid, and my god he's beautiful. tanned skin, messy brown hair, the most gorgeous green eyes you've ever seen in your life (and they're filling with tears, god how tragically gorgeous) and an exquisite red tail.

while the rest of the crew is below deck for some reason, and max is alone with the mermaid, he carefully extricates the mermaid from the net and the mermaid is like "what are you going to do to me," and max is kinda surprised bc he didn't know mermaids could talk but then max is like "im going to go up to the helm and turn my back, and if you somehow manage to escape from my restraints and jump back overboard, well there would be nothing i could do to stop you" and so the mermaid escapes and when max's men come back he puts on the performance of a lifetime claiming that the mermaid escaped.

this will Become Important Later but basically at some point when max is bantering with his crew, one of them sarcastically says "yes, your highness," in response to Max and the mermaid overhears this

fast forward a few months. charles, who of course was the mermaid, is a mermaid prince, the (adopted) son of the mermaid king, maurizio arrivabene. maurizio hates humans, so he doesn't let the mermaids go above water. but charles was always curious about humans, so he would venture closer to the surface, which is what led him to getting caught up in the pirate's net a few months ago. ever since that day, charles hasn't been able to stop thinking about the man who saved him, his blonde hair and blue eyes and his kind smile. charles keeps going to the surface to follow boats, hoping they'll be max's. maurizio finds out and gets really mad at charles and says he's never allowed to go to the surface again. cue a little but daddy i love him moment.

charles goes to the evil sea witch, busty mattia binotto, and begs him to help him. charles wants to become human and go to the surface, so that he can meet max and get to know him (and hopefully fall in love and be with him forever and ever). there's just one tiny insignficant miniscule infinitesimal complication. because of the joke that Max's crew made, and because of how beautiful and regal and commanding Max looked on his ship, Charles believes that Max is the prince of the nearby seaside kingdom.

mattia (evil, spineless, grotesque monster that he is) realizes that he has the prime opportunity to trick charles. he tells charles that he will give him legs and send him to the human world. all charles has to do is get the prince to fall in love with him, and kiss him before sunset on the third day. of course only mattia knows that the prince is actually not max but CARLOS (the man is the spitting image of prince eric so this fits perfectly). if charles fails, after the third day he'll become a mermaid again and he'll be mattia's servant FOREVER. also to parallel the little mermaid, mattia takes something of charles that’s quintessential to who he is and could help him to charm the prince: his DIMPLES.

okay wow so much exposition. let's get to the STORY. so dimple-less charles goes to the surface. he is so unsure and wobbly on his new legs, like a baby deer, and it's very endearing. he comes ashore in the port and heads to the local watering hole, Sir James' Tavern

charles is so curious about everything and he's chatting up the bartender, asking where the prince lives, etc. the bartender (jenson button for those wondering) gives him directions to the castle.

just then, who should enter sir james' tavern but pirate captain mad max and his crew, in port for a few days and wanting to relax and have a good time at their favorite local tavern!

charles cannot believe his luck! the prince has come to him, he doesn't even need to go to the palace! this is going to be a piece of cake. max doesn't seem to remember that charles is the mermaid whose life he saved (this is a bit unrealistic as who could forget charles' beauty but. just go with it) but they hit it off, go to a secluded table and drink together and its very charged and they are each halfway in love with the other already and they almost kiss BUT THEY ARE RUDELY INTERRUPTED!!! by fernando and george, two of max's crew, almost getting into a pub brawl over tavern wench alex. the scuffle draws the attention of some nearby guards, who try to intervene. max and his crew decide to get out of there because they are of course wanted men, and max doesn't get the chance to say goodbye to charles or to arrange to see him again, which is very devastating

however, charles is not bothered by it! he will just go to the palace the next day (thanks jenson for the directions) and he will find max and they can spend more time together! foolproof plan charles

charles goes to the palace, and the guards initially rebuff him, bc he looks a bit like a ruffian, very dirty and wearing scavenged clothes (although still beautiful). the guards are trying to turn him away when suddenly, prince carlos shows up and immediately (i'm talking IMMEDIATELY) falls in love with charles on the spot. he tells the guards to unhand him, because he must meet this man and marry him. charles doesn't understand; this man is the prince? what about beautiful max? charles tries to explain that he's looking for the OTHER prince, carlos' brother, no you don't understand, i'm looking for max, the other prince? nobody seems to know what he's talking about, and suddenly he's being escorted to a room where he bathes, and he's given nice clothes, and he has a lovely dinner with carlos and. wait a minute. carlos has decided they're GETTING MARRIED? no wait, you don't understand, i'm looking for the other prince!!

carlos tries to kiss charles many times, but each time charles avoids him, trying to explain that there's been some kind of misunderstanding, he can't marry carlos, he's in love with someone else.

also it should be noted here that, even though they aren't a big part of the story, flounder, scuttle, and sebastian are still charles' trusty sidekicks in this fairy tail. flounder is andrea ferrari, scuttle is joris, and sebastian is.......well, sebastian. he sings kiss the girl to try to get carlos and charles to successfully kiss, and he also gets chased around the palace kitchen by head chef mark webber, who is trying to cook him for dinner. anyway that's unimportant.

in order to make everything more romantic, carlos plans to have their wedding on a ship at sunset on the third day. they sail out, it's so beautiful, charles is in a white dress (against his will but he still looks very gorgeous). then suddenly, the shadow of a mast falls across the deck where the ceremony is taking place. its the dreaded pirate Mad Max and his ship #UnleashTheLion. the pirates board the ship and max rescues charles. they kiss just as the sun slips below the horizon.

mattia binotto rises from the deep and laughs very evilly. everything went according to plan, charles did not kiss carlos, and now he belongs to mattia FOREVER. he turns charles back into a mermaid, and at this point, max realizes that the mermaid he saved all those years ago is also this beautiful man that he's in love with!!!! mattia takes charles and vanishes.

max escapes from the royal ship and goes back to his pirate ship, being chased by the royal navy. he searches high and low for charles and mattia. eventually, mattia gets fed up with this annoying pirate, and causes a huge storm. max is a great sailor so he navigates the storm, and he's a man in love so he's not going to stop looking for charles.

fine, mattia will take matters into his own hands. he turns into a giant (still busty) sea witch and brings charles with him to the surface. he tries to kill max but max stabs mattia with the prow of the ship and mattia dies. good fucking riddance mattia binotto.

max and charles are reunited and profess their love for each other. max marvels that charles is the same mermaid he saved and charles thanks him for saving his life. they kiss. but how are they going to be together, when charles is still a mermaid, and max is a human?

that turns out to be the least of their problems. as mattia's storm clears, the royal navy are upon them. max has given up his freedom as a pirate on the open seas to rescue charles. max tells charles and the rest of his crew to save themselves, and he surrenders to the royal navy to save his crew.

charles is HEARTBROKEN. he only got but a brief moment with max before max was ripped away from him. and now, max is set to be hanged for being a pirate. charles CANNOT let that happen.

charles' adopted father (maurizio arrivabene if you've forgotten) sees how heartbroken charles is, and he realizes that he must set charles free, in order for him to truly be happy. he casts a magic spell with his magic trident and charles turns back into a human.

charles goes back to shore and he goes to sir james' tavern, determined to come up with a way to save max. he finds max's crew there, miserable because their captain is going to be hanged. charles gives an impassioned speech and rallies max's men, along with jenson of course, to come up with a plan to save max

it's the day of max's hanging. as the noose is fit around max's neck, suddenly, all hell breaks loose. max's men all throw off their disguises and begin dueling the palace guards, distracting them enough for a lithe and nimble figure to dart onto the dais, undo max's bindings, and drag him through the crowd to freedom. it's charles!!! he takes max back to sir james' tavern, tends to max's injuries, and they once again profess their undying love. turns out maurizio arrivabene has given charles a gift, a la H2O: when charles is on land (or on a ship mayhaps) he will be human, but when he's in the water, he can be a mermaid.

how convenient, as max and charles decide they will be pirate captains on max's ship, scavenging and pillaging and plundering and also fucking nasty in the captains cabin every night. and whenever charles wants to, either to visit his family, or talk to his sea creature friends, or help when the pirates are battling other ships, he can turn into a mermaid and go into the sea.

and thus they lived happily ever after and whenever they're in port they go to sir james' tavern to see bartender jenson button, and carlos eventually falls in love with and marries the tavern wench lando and its such a scandal that everyone forgets about that time that the prince’s fiance turned into a mermaid on their wedding day and then a sea witch kidnapped him and then he got rescued by a pirate who got captured and then the mermaid helped him escape.

next up: sleeping beauty (the last part 😩😩😩😩)

[toppamplemousse]

i know it’s always like “oh we’re cooking up something” on this blog but em (mastermind of la rentrée, the fairytalestappen, and there you’ll stand) has finally come back from writing hiatus and is actually cooking up something that could win a michelin