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nitrateglow · 4 years ago

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Favorite films discovered in 2020

Well, this year sucked. I did see some good movies though. Some even made after I was born!

Perfect Blue (dir. Satoshi Kon, 1997)

I watch a lot of thrillers and horror movies, but precious few actually unsettle me in any lasting way. This cannot be said of Perfect Blue, which gave me one of the most visceral cinematic experiences of my life. Beyond the brief flashes of bloodletting (you will never look at a screwdriver the same way again), the scariest thing about Perfect Blue might be how the protagonist has both her life and her sense of self threatened by the villains. The movie’s prescience regarding public persona is also incredibly eerie, especially in our age of social media. While anime is seen as a very niche interest (albeit one that has become more mainstream in recent years), I would highly recommend this movie to thriller fans, whether they typically watch anime or not. It’s right up there with the best of Hitchcock or De Palma.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (dir. Sergio Leone, 1966)

Nothing is better than when an iconic movie lives up to the hype. Clint Eastwood, Eli Wallach, and Lee Van Cleef play off of one another perfectly. I was impressed by Wallach as Tuco in particular: his character initially seems like a one-dimensional greedy criminal, but the performance is packed with wonderful moments of humanity. Do I really need to say anything about the direction? Or about the wonderful storyline, which takes on an almost mythic feel in its grandeur? Or that soundtrack?

Die Niebelungen (both movies) (dir. Fritz Lang, 1924)

I did NOT expect to love these movies as much as I did. That they would be dazzlingly gorgeous I never doubted: the medieval world of the story is brought to vivid life through the geometrical mise en scene and detailed costuming. However, the plot itself is so, so riveting, never losing steam over the course of the four hours it takes to watch both movies. The first half is heroic fantasy; the second half involves a revenge plot of almost Shakespearean proportions. This might actually be my favorite silent Fritz Lang movie now.

Muppet Treasure Island (dir. Brian Henson, 1996)

I understand that people have different tastes and all, but how does this movie have such a mixed reception? It’s absolutely hilarious. How could anybody get through the scene with “THA BLACK SPOT AGGHHHHHHH” and not declare this a masterpiece of comedy? And I risk being excommunicated from the Muppet fandom for saying it, but I like this one more than The Great Muppet Caper. It’s probably now my second favorite Muppet movie.

Belle de Jour (dir. Luis Bunuel, 1967)

I confess I’m not terribly fond of “but was it real???” movies. They tend to feel gimmicky more often than not. Belle de Jour is an exception. This is about more than a repressed housewife getting her kicks working as a daytime prostitute. The film delves into victim blaming, trauma, class, and identity-- sure, this sounds academic and dry when I put it that way, but what I’m trying to say is that these are very complicated characters and the blurring of fantasy and reality becomes thought-provoking rather than trite due to that complexity.

Secondhand Lions (dir. Tim McCanlies, 2003)

The term “family movie” is often used as a synonym for “children’s movie.” However, there is an important distinction: children’s movies only appeal to kids, while family movies retain their appeal as one grows up. Secondhand Lions is perhaps a perfect family movie, with a great deal more nuance than one might expect regarding the need for storytelling and its purpose in creating meaning for one’s life. It’s also amazingly cast: Haley Joel Osment is excellent as the juvenile lead, and Michael Caine and Robert Duvall steal the show as Osment’s eccentric uncles.

The Pawnbroker (dir. Sidney Lumet, 1964)

Controversial in its day for depicting frontal nudity, The Pawnbroker shocks today for different reasons. As the top review of the film on IMDB says, we’re used to victims of great atrocities being presented as sympathetic, good people in fiction. Here, Rod Steiger’s Sol Nazerman subverts such a trope: his suffering at the hands of the Nazis has made him a hard, closed-off person, dismissive of his second wife (herself also a survivor of the Holocaust), cold to his friendly assistant, and bitter towards himself. The movie follows Nazerman’s postwar life, vividly presenting his inner pain in a way that is almost too much to bear. Gotta say, Steiger gives one of the best performances I have ever seen in a movie here: he’s so three-dimensional and complex. The emotions on his face are registered with Falconetti-level brilliance.

The Apartment (dir. Billy Wilder, 1960)

While not the most depressing Christmas movie ever, The Apartment certainly puts a good injection of cynicism into the season. I have rarely seen a movie so adept at blending comedy, romance, and satire without feeling tone-deaf. There are a lot of things to praise about The Apartment, but I want to give a special shoutout to the dialogue. “Witty” dialogue that sounds natural is hard to come by-- so often, it just feels smart-assy and strained. Not here.

Anatomy of a Murder (dir. Otto Preminger, 1959)

I’m not big into courtroom dramas, but Anatomy of a Murder is a big exception. Its morally ambiguous characters elevate it from being a mere “whodunit” (or I guess in the case of this movie, “whydunit”), because if there’s something you’re not going to get with this movie, it’s a clear answer as to what happened on the night of the crime. Jimmy Stewart gives one of his least characteristic performances as the cynical lawyer, and is absolutely brilliant.

Oldboy (dir. Park Chan-Wook, 2003)

Oldboy reminded me a great deal of John Webster’s 17th century tragedy The Duchess of Malfi. Both are gruesome, frightening, and heartbreaking works of art, straddling the line between sensationalism and intelligence, proving the two are not mutually exclusive. It’s both entertaining and difficult to watch. The thought of revisiting it terrifies me but I feel there is so much more to appreciate about the sheer craft on display.

Family Plot (dir. Alfred Hitchcock, 1976)

Family Plot is an enjoyable comedy; you guys are just mean. I know in an ideal world, Hitchcock’s swan song would be a great thriller masterpiece in the vein of Vertigo or Psycho. Family Plot is instead a silly send-up of Hitchcock’s favorite tropes, lampooning everything from the dangerous blonde archetype (with not one but two characters) to complicated MacGuffin plots. You’ll probably demand my film buff card be revoked for my opinion, but to hell with it-- this is my favorite of Hitchcock’s post-Psycho movies.

My Best Girl (dir. Sam Taylor, 1927)

Mary Pickford’s farewell to silent film also happens to be among her best movies. It’s a simple, charming romantic comedy starring her future husband, Charles “Buddy” Rogers. Pickford also gets to play an adult character here, rather than the little girl parts her public demanded she essay even well into her thirties. She and Rogers are sweet together without being diabetes-inducing, and the comedy is often laugh out loud funny. It even mocks a few tropes that anyone who watches enough old movies will recognize and probably dislike-- such as “break his heart to save him!!” (my personal most loathed 1920s/1930s trope).

Parasite (dir. Bong Joon-ho, 2019)

This feels like such a zeitgeist movie. It’s about the gap between the rich and the poor, it’s ironic, it’s depressing, it’s unpredictable as hell. I don’t like terms like “modern classic,” because by its very definition, a classic can only be deemed as such after a long passage of time, but I have a good feeling Parasite will be considered one of the definitive films of the 2010s in the years to come.

Indiscreet (dir. Stanley Donen, 1958)

Indiscreet often gets criticized for not being Notorious more or less, which is a shame. It’s not SUPPOSED to be-- it’s cinematic souffle and both Ingrid Bergman and Cary Grant elevate that light material with their perfect chemistry and comedic timing. It’s also refreshing to see a rom-com with characters over 40 as the leads-- and the movie does not try to make them seem younger or less mature, making the zany moments all the more hilarious. It’s worth seeing for Cary Grant’s jig (picture above) alone.

The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (dir. Joseph Sargent, 1974)

This movie embodies so much of what I love about 70s cinema: it’s gritty, irreverent, and hard-hitting. It’s both hilarious and suspenseful-- I was tense all throughout the run time. I heard there was a remake and it just seems... so, so pointless when you already have this gem perfect as it is.

They All Laughed (dir. Peter Bogdonavich, 1981)

Bogdonavich’s lesser known homage to 1930s screwball comedy is also a weirdly autumnal movie. Among the last gasps of the New Hollywood movement, it is also marks the final time Audrey Hepburn would star in a theatrical release. The gentle comedy, excellent ensemble cast (John Ritter is the standout), and the mature but short-lived romance between Hepburn and Ben Gazarra’s characters make this a memorably bittersweet gem.

The Palm Beach Story (dir. Preston Sturges, 1942)

Absolutely hilarious. I was watching this with my parents in the room. My mom tends to like old movies while my dad doesn’t, but both of them were laughing aloud at this one. Not much else to say about it, other than I love Joel McCrea the more movies I see him in-- though it’s weird seeing him in comedies since I’m so used to him as a back-breaking man on the edge in The Most Dangerous Game!

Nothing Sacred (dir. William Wellman, 1937)

I tend to associate William Wellman with the pre-code era, so I’ve tried delving more into his post-code work. Nothing Sacred is easily my favorite of those films thus far, mainly for Carole Lombard but also because the story still feels pretty fresh due to the jabs it takes at celebrity worship and moral hypocrisy. For a satire, it’s still very warm towards its characters, even when they’re misbehaving or deluding themselves, so it’s oddly a feel-good film too.

Applause (dir. Rouben Mamoulian, 1929)

I love watching early sound movies, but my inner history nerd tends to enjoy them more than the part of me that, well, craves good, well-made movies. Most early sound films are pure awkward, but there’s always an exception and Applause is one of them. While the plot’s backstage melodrama is nothing special, the way the story is told is super sophisticated and expressive for this period of cinema history, and Helen Morgan makes the figure of the discarded burlesque queen seem truly human and tragic rather than merely sentimental.

Topaz (dir. Alfred Hitchcock, 1969)

Another late Hitchcock everyone but me seems to hate. After suffering through Torn Curtain, I expected Hitchcock’s other cold war thriller was going to be dull as dishwater, but instead I found an understated espionage movie standing in stark contrast to the more popular spy movies of the period. It’ll never be top Hitchcock, of course-- still it was stylish and enjoyable, with some truly haunting moments. I think it deserves more appreciation than it’s been given.

What were your favorite cinematic discoveries in 2020?

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givemeweasley · 4 years ago

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Groundhog Day Pt. 2

Fred Weasley x Reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: SUICIDE WARNING (there’s no actual death but reader jumps off the astronomy tower. sorry for the spoiler but it’s important that you know that before you read!!! It’ll be the only time it happens in this series though), language, and general angst

A/N: Please if you are triggered by mentions of suicide, please proceed with caution! Also if you or anyone else you know is struggling with depression or thoughts of suicide please call 800-273-8255!! Love you guys so so much!!

Part One, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five

-----

Light. The sound of curtains.

“Rise and shine, girls! Quidditch is today!”

No.

Your eyes immediately opened, only to be blinded by the sunlight filtering in through the window. But as soon as you were able to see, you zoned in on the one thing in the room that held your interest: the calendar above the door.

Saturday February 2nd, 1996.

With no ounce of hesitation you leapt out of bed. This couldn’t be happening.

“Damn, Y/N! I didn’t know you liked Quidditch that much!” Angelina laughed. But you were only half listening, hastily pulling on your clothes. By the time you were dressed and ready, Angelina was already leading the way out of the room down the stairs. You anxiously walking down behind her, wishing with all your heart that Fred and George would not be in the common room.

“Just think Y/N. Now you get to see- Fred! George! What are the two of you doing up?”

And there they were. Just like yesterday.

“Habit.”

“What he said.”

But all you could do was stand still at the base of the stairs, staring out as yesterday's scene replayed in front of you.

“Well then you can join us for breakfast before the game.” And as expected George offered his arm, which Angelina took. Alicia trailing behind them out of the portrait. Fred lingering behind, looking at you.

“You okay, love?”

You wished he hadn’t asked. You shook your head frantically. He took a step towards you, which made you stumble backwards into the stairs. Fred was next to you in the next breath, hovering over your collapsed frame.

“Y/N? What is going on?” His brown eyes held so much concern that for a moment the words almost slipped out. But instead you allowed him to help you stand and help you to the couch before you began to think about what to say.

Do I tell him? Would he believe me? Is this just some crazy dream?

But looking up at Fred told you all you needed to know. He’d believe you. For Godric's sake you lived in a magical castle and could make objects fly at a flick of a wand, of course it couldn’t be too far fetched.

So you turned to face him head on. “Fred, this is going to sound crazy.”

He shrugged and smiled, putting his arm on the back of the couch next to your head. “Try me.”

You took a deep breath. “I think I’m stuck in a time loop.”

Fred blinked and furrowed his brows. “Sorry?”

“I said, I think I’m stuck-”

“No. No. I heard you.”

A cynical laugh bubbled out from your throat as you stood and began to pace in front of the fireplace. You stopped for a moment to stare at Fred. “But you don’t believe me.”

“It’s not that I don’t believe you, it’s just there’s never been-”

“You don’t know that.” You wrapped your arms around yourself, feeling more lonely than ever. Your best friend didn’t believe you. If he didn’t, who would? Were you going to be stuck in February 2nd, 1996 forever? Do you even age?

Fred stood up and placed his hands on your arms, steadying you. “Just tell me what happened.”

“Nothing really happened, Fred. But today is the third day it’s been February 2nd. Quidditch is today-” A thought struck you, your gaze snapped back to Fred. “Quidditch is today!!”

Fred looked even more dubious than ever. “Yes?”

But you simply grabbed his hand and bolted for the portrait, pulling him behind you. The portrait swung open and you took off like a bullet down the halls and down the staircases.

“Where are we going?!” Fred shouted breathlessly from behind you.

“I can prove it!”

You didn’t let him go until you made it to the Quidditch pitch where the crowds were already seated. You tugged him up into the stands you had sat in for two days. There were two seats saved next to George, as you’d hoped and you tugged Fred into one of those two seats.

“Where were you guys?” George asked, peering past Fred to look at you.

“Talking.” You quickly responded before turning back to Fred.

“About what?” George continued.

You glanced at George and saw an opportunity. “Talking about our predictions for the game.”

George laughed and raised a brow. “Six sickles Gryffindor wins.”

You leaned back in your seat. “One galleon that Gryffindor wins 340-20. Angelina scores the first goal and the last goal. Ron plays near perfectly and makes an incredible block by standing on his broom. Chang almost gets hit by a bludger twice and Ginny catches the Snitch-” You checked your watch. “In exactly 2 hours and 14 minutes.” You held out your hand to George who was gapping, but not more than Fred’s who was staring at you with a look of awe.

George seemed to shake off whatever shock he had and grabbed your hand shaking it recklessly. “You’re on, Y/L/N!”

“Welcome to today's Quidditch game between Ravenclaw and GRYFFINDOR!” Lee screamed over the pitch.

And then you sat back and watched the game play out. And everything came to pass just as you said it would. A part of you wanted something to fall out of line. For once in your life you wanted to be wrong.

But your ‘predictions’ were perfect, as you knew they would be.

When Ginny caught the Snitch and the game was over with the scoreboard reading 340-20, George grabbed your hand and pressed a galleon in it. “I don’t know how you knew that, but I’m bloody impressed.” And with that he took off down the stairs of the stands, following the Gryffindor crowds to presumably begin the celebrations in the common room.

But Fred didn’t move. Didn’t even look at you.

The galleon felt heavy in hand. “Do you believe me now?” You whispered.

You heard him sigh. “I never disbelieved you, love.” He turned to look at you, grabbing your face in his hands to make you look at him. His hands were rough and yet still the hold he had on you was gentle. It was almost loving. His lips curled into an even gentler smile. “How can I help?”

It felt like a weight being lifted off your shoulders. But at the same time, it was at that moment you were forced to admit it was not a dream.

“Let’s start at the library.” He nodded and the two of you got up and made your way down the stairs and back into the castle.

“So what’s the plan?” Fred asked as the two of you stood in the entrance of the library.

“I guess we just start looking for books about time magic.” And so you did. You pulled every book imaginable on magic dealing with time. You had books about time travel, stopping time, fast forwarding time, time warps, the list went on and on. You felt certain you would find something.

But you didn’t.

Not in any of those books did it mention anything about time loops. The closest you came was to individual objects being stuck in time loops within a world that still moved normally around it. But that didn’t apply here. It wasn’t as if you were an egg being turned into a bird and then back into an egg as time moved around you. No. It was like the entire world was forced from egg to bird and you were the only one who remembered it was ever an egg.

“This is hopeless.” You glanced at your watch. 11:57. “We’re almost out of time.”

Fred smirked and shrugged. “We can always try again today, tomorrow.” You sent him a withering glare. He scratched the back of his neck, but his smile didn’t waver. “Too soon?”

But you couldn’t help the slight smile that broke through. “Might as well laugh. But don’t be surprised if I make that joke today, tomorrow.”

In an instant, Fred launched around the table and grabbed you. His hands began to tickle your sides as you squealed in laughter.

“You can’t steal my jokes!”

“St-sto-stop it! Fre-FRED!” You managed to say between your fits of giggles. But Fred wouldn’t ease up.

“Say you won’t steal my joke! Say it! I’m not letting you go until you say it!” True to his word he continued his tickling assault.

“Fi-fine! I-I won’t steal your-steal your joke!” And just like that, his hands stopped. Instead they latched themselves to the corners of the back of your chair, so he was leaning over you. The both of you were panting, broad smiles on your faces.

“Thank you.” He whispered breathlessly.

It was then that you noticed how close the two of you were. Close enough that if you leaned up a few inches, you would meet.

Almost unconsciously you began to lean forward as Fred began to descend. You closed your eyes and reached for his neck.

And then light.

“Rise and shine, girls! Quidditch is today!”

“NO!” You sat up in your bed. Saturday, February 2nd 1996 glaring down at you.

Angelina was looking at you weirdly, standing by the window with the curtains still in her hands. But you didn’t care. You whipped out of bed and pulled whatever clothes were on the floor and closest to you.

Without waiting, you flung yourself down the stairs only halting right at the corner when you heard voices. Fred and George.

“Your hair looks fine, stop messing with it.” George groaned.

You heard some shuffling. “Piss off, George.”

“You’re just jealous you’re not as handsome as me.” The sound of a hit echoed into the stairwell. As upset as you were, you couldn’t help but smile.

“Did you skip the mirror this morning, mate? I’m clearly the more handsome twin.”

Footsteps sounded from behind you, and in a moment Angelina’s face appeared with Alicia hot on her heels.

“There you are! What was with the outburst this morning?” She looped her arm around yours and dragged you down the steps into the common room. “Well on the bright side now you get to see-”

Don’t say it. Don’t say it.

“Fred! George! What are the two of you doing up?”

Habit.

“Habit.”

What he said.

“What he said.”

“Well then you can join us for breakfast before the game.” Angelina left you to join George and was out of the common room with Alicia before you could blink. Fred, once again, stayed behind.

You looked at him right as he was about to open his mouth.

“No. I’m not okay. Yes, you can help me.” You pointed to the nearest chair. “Sit down and I’ll explain.” Fred was looking at you like a deer in the headlights, but nodded and sat down. You began to pace in front of him. “I’m stuck in a time loop. It’s day four of me living February 2nd. Gryffindor is going to win the match today. Ron makes an excellent save, Ginny catches the Snitch, score is 340-20. Everyone comes back here gets drunk off their asses and goes to bed. I told you all of this yesterday-” You glanced at him sadly. “And I can tell you don’t remember, but we’ve already looked through nearly every book in the library about time loops so I need your help to get me unstuck.” You planted your hands on your hips, biting your lip. You were nervous he wouldn’t believe you. But honestly if he didn’t, you would just have to keep looking.

But after a minute of silence, Fred shrugged and nodded. “Okay.”

The two of you spent your day in the library, looking at books on potions, ancient runes, anything that could possibly be some sort of antidote to your situation. But nothing worked.

And time ran out.

You woke up again on Saturday February 2nd, 1996. You explained it to Fred again. He tried to help. Nothing worked. And you woke up again.

And again.

Until it had been a month of the same day.

You had told Angelina not today when she pulled open the curtains. It took her awhile to leave you, but at this point you knew exactly what to say to get her to leave the quickest possible.

You had tried every potion antidote, read every rune, you’d even tried talking to Professor McGonagall. But it was all pointless. Every night at 11:59 you fell asleep and every morning you woke up on February 2nd.

You had been dreading this moment for weeks. The moment you’d resort to something you weren’t sure would actually work and could have irreversible consequences.

But you needed to try everything if you wanted a chance to see February 3rd. Tiredly, you pulled on your clothes not bothering to put any effort in. If this worked there would be no need to get dressed fancily. And if it didn’t? Well you’d either wake up tomorrow or-

You shook your head trying not to think of the or.

You resolutely walked down the stairs, wringing your hands nervously.

“Y/N?” Your eyes widened as you glanced up to see Fred standing at the foot of the stairs.

“Fr-Fred?” You stuttered, hurriedly clearing your throat so as to not completely give yourself away.

He looked a little bashful but held up a little package. Chocolate Frogs. “Angelina told me you weren’t feeling well so I figured I’d bring you a Chocolate Frog to make you feel better.”

Your heart broke a little at that. But you pushed his hand down. “Keep it.” And then you kissed his cheek and made your way out of the portrait.

Tears slipped down your cheek. You weren’t even sure this would work, but you were still scared.

The walk to the Astronomy tower was shorter than you anticipated, but you steeled your nerves when you arrived.

The sun was still reaching over the tops of the trees, making everything have a soft warm glow. You hoped this worked. You strolled over to the balcony and peered down. You hoped that it wouldn’t hurt. No matter the outcome, you prayed it wouldn’t hurt.

You stepped over the railing and looked out.

The Quidditch pitch in the distance. Students beginning to make their way over, laughing and joking with each other. You could see Luna Lovegood's brilliant lion headdress from that far as she strolled next to who you guessed was Neville Longbottom.

“Y/N?” You heard a broken voice from behind you. You stumbled, startled at the voice you wanted least to hear. Your hands let go of the railing.

And you fell.

“NO!” Fred’s shout rang out like a gunshot. You twisted midair to see Fred hanging over the railing. His face was twisted in pain, tears pouring down his cheeks as he desperately reached for you.

And his face was the last thing you saw before you hit the ground.

------

“Rise and shine, girls! Quidditch is today!”

For the first time in a month, you were glad to hear it. And then you remembered, that the one thing you were relying on being the answer was suddenly crossed off the list.

And then you remembered Fred’s face. The look that would haunt your nightmares for weeks, as if your life wasn’t a walking nightmare already.

You groaned loudly and pulled the covers back over your head.

“Not today, Angelina. I think I’m gonna sleep this one away.”

You didn’t bother to listen to her response as you closed your eyes and fell back asleep desperately trying to ignore the way the word no replayed in your head.

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#Fred Weasley x reader #Fred Weasley fic #Fred Weasley imagine #Fred Weasley #fw #x reader #Groundhog day #Groundhog Day fic #harry potter #Harry Potter fic #suicide warning

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yesthefandomfreakblr · 4 years ago

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G U Y S ~m~ f e e l i n g s

big long post WOOOOOOOOOOOO

so uhh i did a lot of daydreaming today during school as one does when they don't care and are running on -12 hours of sleep and one cup of chocolate milk in lucky charms. I did a lot of thining about this whole 'Ripred pretends to be a service animal AU I came up with andddd ngl i'm liking this a lot.

- Cormaci and Ripred are dedicated pen-pals via Gregor and Ripred confides that he's always wanted to see the museums in New York. they talk about how fun it would be and Cormaci rather enjoys hearing from the snarky, witty, and kind of sweet stranger.

-One day gregor hands him Cormaci's note and Ripred sends gregor with his reply after their echolocation lesson. "Dearly detestable, (a customary greeting for the two) I have a large service animal vest and shades if you want to use them. meet me at midnight and we'll make a plan. XOXO- Cormaci"

-Ripred is over the frikken moon you have no idea. they make a plan, he tries on the vest, they meet in the morning to go to the museum.... And Ripred can't. It's just too bright and too loud and too many people so close to him. everyone stares and many try to pet him. Ripred knows he can't attack people or talk, so he just pulls Cormaci back to central park and has a full blown panic attack five blocks before they make it. they make it to an alleyway and he just shakes and gasps for air. sensory overlaods, especially when you've never had one, are no frikken joke.

-He just sulks back in the quiet, normal smelling, tourist free underland that doesn't burn his eyes. a few days go by and Cormaci proposes a picnic in central park. way less crowded, and with his vest people are warned not to pet him anyway. Ripred gives it another go.

-it doesn't suck. it actually goes very very well. he has the time of his life seeing the ducks and the horse carriages and sunbathing. they do this three times a week and gradually he goes to stores with her and they run small errands. after about two months She can take him anywhere and he won't get overwhelmed. of course, Cormaci hardly takes him into places or restaurants because he's not a real service animal. while waiting to cross the street, Gregor warns him to watch his tail. "what you think I'm just gonna fling it out and hit someone??" he flings his tail out for emphasis and hits someone. -rager speed activate- he catches them and apologises profusely. the 5 foot 2 ich overlander cracks up and compliments him on his reflexes. She hangs out with them the rest of the day and pays for their ice cream. He actually gets her number and they part ways. I mean she's weirdly chill but some people are. at least she didn't sue or panic.

-he uses the library computers to watch training videos and look up the criteria for service animals. He, Cormaci, And gregor's family all help expose him to all of the scenarios and help get him ready. He spends a lot of time with Lizzie. with her smelling salts, puzzles, and emergency phone in his pockets, Lizzie goes places with just him. they go to the museums and nerd out together.

They meet with the registration managers, and after the worst day of Ripred's life, (vet checks and behavioral/training testing. letting people grab, pinch, pull, poke, and prod him places he'd rather them not.) He get's officially registered as Lizzie's service animal.

-Ripred is ecstatic to roam the overland as he pleases and be able to help Lizzie. but he soon realizes she's not the only one who needs his help. Ripred builds a trustworthy council for the gnawers with two head leaders to rule in his stead. and helps Luxa build a better council so that she can visit a few days a week. this takes like a month.

Gregor's dad needs to go back to work, but is still very weak. Ripred, the two days a week he lectures, goes with him and carries his papers, medicine, and anything else on his vest and lets Mr. Campbelle lean on him during lectures. it's very interesting to him and excruciating not to chime in. So during breaks they geek out on theories about anything. Ripred helps him overcome his PTSD from his time in the rat lands. Texting his new distant friend Ripred finds out that Ally, the girl he one-hit K.O'd, has horses and actually does equine therapy. she helps Gregor's family for free. Ripred gets kicked by a horse.

Gregor needs help catching up with school, so he does that when they get home. and after the war of time, Gregor just needs him a lot. Ripred spends two or three nights a week with the boy, and they go on a lot of walks. They either walk for hours in silence or Gregor just breaks and gushes like a waterfall. He doesn't want to trouble anyone with everything on his mind but Ripred is safe. he understands. Gregor talks to him and Ripred listens. occasionally offering bits of valuable advice.

three days a week he goes to school with Lizzie, and finds that her teacher is very good at chess. they get along just fine and he talks to her and even helps with her lesson plans, given this is her first year. at first she tries to call Lizzie's emergency contact. but it's him. He lounges around and is the gordon Ramsey of education. He coaches Lizzie through panic attacks and she is never once bullied when he's around. she learns things from him and makes a couple more friends on the chess team. He'll sweep the floor with any one of them. He mostly reads during class but occasionally, during tests, (when Lizzie is most comfortable,) he'll react to the high stress of another student and put his head in their lap. (test anxiety is something else) and because they're elementary school kids, they make a cult for the rat. they call him Mr. Rat and leave offerings like shiny trinkets or snacks. he privately tutors the class for an hour after school because of this (they can leave if they want but he's smart and funny) and they all learn morse code/ ace their tests. going with Lizzie to P.E is his favorite. everyone else hates it. they fear him. He's no longer allowed to play dodgeball.

Grace is home but can barely walk. on good days her lungs will suddenly give out and it's extremely dangerous. with no one else able to run errands, and desperate to get out of the apartment, she begrudgingly and sorrowfully asks for his assistance. she wishes she could cut ties with the underland for good, but her family desperately needs him. the 'service animal' thing was just so he could go to the museum, but now he's a part of their lives. She leans on him in the grocery store and he sniffs out the best products as well as pushes the cart. if she goes down he has her inhaler and knows what to do. and aside from that, he makes great company. he's funny and smart. and she can tell him things she can't tell her family. about her chronic anxiety, her nightmares, her depression, her constant fear for her children and fear they don't love her anymore for trying to protect them and fear she didn't do enough and fear it will all happen again but this time someone won't come back... He understands what it's like to lose everyone. He understands not telling people things. He lets her talk. and only offers what she needs.

He still hangs out with Cormaci and they go on little trips together, but He's very busy taking care of his family. He never anticipated it to go this far or be this much work, sleeping in the underland once or twice a week, eating most meals there. But Ripred had decided to help Lizzie, a little girl that was very much like his own deceased pup. and in that, got closer and closer to Gregor, who was like a son to him long before he knew of Cormaci. In caring for and, in a way, adopting these pups, he'd adopted their parents and become a cornerstone in their daily life.

about Ripred and Ally, yeah they still hang out as often as possible she lives a couple hours out in florida but stays at her friends a couple days a week in NYC. it's kind of strange to him, but he finds it helpful that she would do anything for him. he can call her anytime for anything and she'll drive out or stay up late and talk, or uber eats him a snack. he ends up telling her absolutely everything. she's a good listener. her horse hates him. she gives Gregor free riding lessons and makes the BEST ribs.she's cool about the underland thing and just lets him talk. which he's not used to. within a few months, she knows more about him than Lizzie or Luxa. she sees him ugly and sees him nice and doesn't hate him for either. yeah she has a big crazy personality but if he accepts her, she'll return the favor tenfold. it takes a while but he gets used to having someone love him like a dog. she's kind of a dog. She knows what he's done, good and bad. and she's cool with it. but if he ever ever lies to her. she will never trust him again. he knows she's not lying.

Ripred supervises Gregor and Luxa's first date getting pizza and starbucks and going to a movie. He nips at someone's ankles for attempting to interfere.

Lizzie's panic attacks become more rare. to the point she doesn't need Ripred at school. Gregor's father no longer needs to lean on him, and can carry his own things. Grace returns to work and only needs her inhaler maybe once a week. Gregor is healing to the point he doesn't sneak out of his room and curl up with Ripred at night.

But none of them, not even Grace, want hm to leave. He experiences all of the Holidays with them during their first year together and he loves them all. food. Luxa joins to along with Cormaci of course. on Halloween he and Lizzie go as little red riding hood and the big bad wolf. gregor and luxa dress as bats. Gregor all black and Luxa a stunning gold. Ripred fights airport security. he tells his overlander friend, Ally, all about it. she thinks he's a bad-A.

As he is needed less and less Ripred goes back to the underland and helps Keep the peace. he was doing ok sending messages from the overland, but his presence is certainly needed more than twice a week. especially Luxa. she needs time alone to speak with a father figure, especially with Vikus's health fading. He helps relieve the pressure and helps her relax. She becomes like a daughter to him, Aurora as well. RIpred comes at a moments notice if any human male shows interest in his baby girl. He even brings Ally down and she honestly would kill to ride a bat. she gets to ride a bat. with everyone constantly dumping their problems on him and them having so many, Ally becomes vital to his mental health. to just have someone to relax with, to talk to to get Denny's at 2:00 AM with.

the years are long and full of hardships, love, and light. Gregor's family becomes more financially sound, they can comfortably afford to feed Ripred now, and go on annual trips. Luxa and Howard go to Hawaii. Vikus passes away two years after the COC, and Gregor's grandmother shortly after. Gregor's family decides to stay in new york. Ripred, Luxa, and Howard go to Virginia for a month with gregor's family in the summer and have the time of their lives. He brings Ally everywhere he can she makes him food, they joke together, sometimes stay at each others places, have a pick up lines war, and she's actually a valuable ally in meetings for writing things down and even contributing. they know everything about eachother. He often thinks to himself that she's every bit as sassy and kind as his mate, and if she were a gnawer, he wouldn't hesitate. but she's human.

and after four more years, at the age of nineteen, Gregor and Luxa are married. though they are no longer bonds, (the council decided you can only have one bond as not to split loyalties) Ripred walks Luxa down the aisle and takes his place beside gregor. where Ares would have stood. Gregor's mother is proud to call Luxa her daughter. Ally brings Luxa a pet cat, as is viking tradition for newlyweds to have one in their home. Ally's weird. but they like her.

Gregor's family half lives down there now and the gnawers and human tensions are almost nonexistent after so many years.

Ripred is godfather to all eight of Gregor and Luxa's children. and though he's starting to ache in the leg he broke in COC, his age starting to climb, it's not too much for him to play with his godpups or wrestle with Gregor. he'd be like mid 50's as human. (another reason he could never be with Ally, She's 25.) He attends Lizzie's wedding in the underland to hazard when she turns twenty. after all that time, he's nearly thirty, and plays a little less rough. he has another decade or two in him and is happy to live it. life has been hell to him... but now he's found heaven. he keeps his tears to himself watching his massive family, not of blood, but of choice, grow in a place that is not torn by war. a place where the walls are made of stone and a place where the sun shines. He doesn't mind people touching or hugging him anymore and you see his real smile a lot more often. but he's still too mean to die. snarky and sassy as ever. but a lot happier. in a bittersweet kind of way. he will never forget his wife or his pups, but he knows she'd be happy for him. and it doesn't hurt to think of them.

He may have been the registered service animal, but they were all helping him right back.

#the underland chronicles #ripred #gregor the overlander #ripred the rat #ripred the gnawer #ares the flier

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intrulogical · 4 years ago

Text

Spirals

author’s note: oh literally this is the worst. who knew the first fic without logan would've been a nightmare to make. i just really wanted to establish a secure dynamic between janus and remus, make some junji ito references, and move on, honestly. i just want to get to the fanfiction where they play poker and argue with the light sides, ya'know? but still, i guess i had to make *this* fanfiction. think of it as the halloween episode in sanders sides.

this fic literally cannot be read as a standalone so, for the love of all things good, please read the other fics in the series to understand what the fuck is going on! because this fic is sure as hell messy so reading it by itself won't even make sense lmao

like always, thank you to the logang discord for support! big thanks especially to kei, orb, and ellie for beta reading!

pairings: Platonic Remus & Janus, Mentions of Romantic Remus/Logan, Mentions of Past Remus/Janus

warnings: remus angst, critical light sides, light sides negativity, swearing, remus-typical content, mentions of nsfw, weird horror-inspired creatures, slight self-esteem issues, just remus being sad :(

word count: 5502

summary: Remus sighed. It didn’t matter, he supposed. As long as the buzz from the lake distracted his thoughts and the hypnotizing spirals in the sky continued to drift, it would all be fine.

Spirals, spirals, spirals. Just like how he was spiralling right now. He chuckled at himself for the stupid connection; Logan really got him used to doing pointless word association games.

Word association games. Logan. His lover, boyfriend, partner, whatever.

Remus raised his arms to rub his tired face. The soaked sleeves of his hoodie dripped the water unto his cheeks. He really did not want to think about Logan and the possibility of him becoming a--

He splashed his arms back onto the water furiously as he furrowed his lip.

or,

Remus has some conflicting thoughts about Logan becoming a "Dark" Side, has a different unidentifiable problem, and swims around in his Junji Ito-inspired creation. Janus, on the other hand, has to convince him to take a break.

(ao3 link)

There was a buzzing, staticky sensation that tickled Remus’s neck and legs as he floated atop the Dragonfly Pond. The lake itself, admittedly, was highly unrealistic as Remus hadn’t perfected every single aspect of his copy of Uzumaki’s horrific town of Kurozu-Cho, but Remus enjoyed traversing through the ghastly lake nonetheless. The odd buzz that fizzled against his skin felt weirdly satisfying and mind-numbing, allowing the irksome, overwhelming thoughts in his head to evaporate slightly.

Remus understood that he should’ve been tucked in his bed by now, falling asleep to eccentric Jack Stauber songs as he hugged the gigantic octopus plushie Logan had given to him on his birthday. There was a persistent burn in his eyes that only worsened as time passed by and his muscles ached so terribly to the point of cramping. His eyes were practically blurring after a few seconds of gazing at the sky, and he swore he felt frost nipping at the ends of his fingers and toes. Yet here he was, paddling himself across the lake using his feet as his hoodie became soggier by the second, ignoring every logical thought that screamed at him to go to bed.

Junji Ito’s works were always a source of unexpected comfort for Remus. Remus recognized it was probably suspicious that he felt at ease while reading mangas about demonic, gut-wrenching monsters, but as an avid fan of the cosmic horror genre, he was only exhilarated by the detailed yet unsettling drawings.

This was the reason why he made replicas of those mangas in his side of the Imagination. Many of his landscapes were dedicated to the fascinating monsters Ito was able to create. Sometimes, Remus’s ambitiousness took over and prompted him to create entire cities and towns with clueless civilians that inhabited the horrific establishments. Remus just liked to go wild and have fun, y’know? Amp the scare factor up to a hundred.

(He also took pleasure in witnessing Roman’s fearful face whenever one of his creatures trespassed his land. The occasion was rare but when it happened, Remus merely laughed at Roman devilishly.)

Remus breathed out deeply. The skies above were littered with spirals, each thick cloud hypnotically whorling as it passed by. The wind was also visible, each breeze being represented with curls and scrolls. The night slightly resembled Van Gogh’s “Starry Night” but in monochromatic colors, making the sky appear to be a more depressing clone of the painting.

Additionally, surrounding the lake were an abundant amount of trees, each of their leaves curling at the corners. Sometimes, the trees would give into this spiral disease and coil up on itself like a centipede that was just stepped on. Some peculiar creatures also hid within the helical greenery, all of them taking a peek at Remus from time to time. Remus only recalled witnessing boulder-sized snails and a stretched out human-snake hybrid traversing through their forest for today, but Remus didn’t expect any of his creations to be any real threats to him.

If Remus was being honest, he had expected more creatures to appear. Usually, some of the ghosts that inhabited the lake would arise and stalk Remus creepily but they didn’t even come out to play. The tornado siren that usually resonated daily didn’t alarm either, and there were no ear-piercing shrieks and terrified screams he could hear from a distance. Despite his environment still being undeniably terrifying, it was still pretty tame compared to Remus’s past visits.

Remus sighed. It didn’t matter, he supposed. As long as the buzz from the lake distracted his thoughts and the hypnotizing spirals in the sky continued to drift, it would all be fine.

Spirals, spirals, spirals. Just like how he was spiralling right now. He chuckled at himself for the stupid connection; Logan really got him used to doing pointless word association games.

Word association games. Logan. His lover, boyfriend, partner, whatever.

Remus raised his arms to rub his tired face. The soaked sleeves of his hoodie dripped the water unto his cheeks. He really did not want to think about Logan and the possibility of him becoming a—

He splashed his arms back onto the water furiously as he furrowed his lip.

Remus was never one to anxiously overthink a problem. More than anything, he caused problems and issues, purposely terrorizing the others just because he enjoyed it. There was never a moment in his life he felt overwhelmed by an issue, especially when he was only partially involved. But this— this was different. The entire atmosphere of the Mindscape can shift, relationships can absolutely be tarnished and destroyed, and he didn’t even know how this issue could directly affect Thomas.

Remus sighed— this was a mess. A complete utter disastrous mess.

“Remus?” a voice called from afar. Remus’s eyes widened as he recognized its owner. “Remus, do you know how long it took to fucking find you?” they continued, sounding obviously aggravated.

“Jannie? You came to find me?” Remus hollered back, flipping over so he remained standing upright in the lake. There in the distance stood Janus whose hair looked incredibly dishevelled as his cape was almost in tatters.

“Of course, you cretin. You haven’t been in your room since four and didn’t even come to eat dinner.” Janus told him, clearly upset. Remus only blinked at him in surprise. Janus sighed, “Don’t tell me you didn’t notice that you’ve been, er, floating about for ten hours straight?”

Remus shrugged mindlessly, only causing Janus to furrow his eyebrows. “What? Ten hours isn’t a big deal.”

“Remus.” Janus said scoldingly, holding a disappointed yet concerned gaze. “Have you eaten at all?”

“Been meaning to try the human-sized snails crawling around town. Did you know snails are rich in protein? Logan explained that some researcher in Africa or something discovered that eating snails could—”

“Again, have you eaten?” Janus interrupted.

“Does swallowing lake water count?” Remus asked.

“If you swim out of there, I’ll lend you some cake B made a while ago.” Janus said monotonically, and Remus quickly perked up.

“Why didn’t you say that in the first place, double dicks?” Remus said with a grin. Instead of swimming out of the lake, he snapped his fingers and teleported himself to the empty spot next to Janus. Janus’s face remained stoic and unmoving at Remus’s unkemptness and wet clothes as Remus simply grinned at him maniacally, clearly excited to be given the dessert.

After sighing, Janus grabbed a tupperware hidden beneath his cloak. How it was held securely in the cloak was a mystery, but he still handed the cake to Remus. “It’s red velvet, since he wanted to cheer you up.”

“Cheer me up?” Remus said while removing the tupperware’s lid, “He’s been apologetic about his outburst for what, two weeks, three weeks now? I mean, I guess it’s okay to be a greedy bitch when the opportunity is right there, but I still feel spoiled. Spoiled like… food.” Janus eyed him weirdly, “Like that milk carton that we abandoned in our fridge for ten months… uhm…”

“Seems like your creative juices are running low.” Janus told him as Remus shoved half of the cake into his mouth, “Firstly, we both know B is just like that, and secondly, this cake wasn’t something he made to add to his apology streak— he’s worried for you.”

Remus scoffed, “Worried? Why should he be—”

“Remus, your room is in disarray.” Janus told him with a concerned tone as the corners of his lips tilted downwards, “We’re not going to tiptoe around the issue here, Remus. He said you left a conversation with Logan frowning and the voices in your room suddenly intensified. I’m— we’re worried for you.”

Remus averted his gaze from Janus, chewing on the cake silently and shamefully as he watched the achromatic trees dance in sync to the breeze. Even while looking away, he can sense Janus’s heavy, unfiltered concern, staring at him with furrowed eyebrows, thinned lips, and nostrils slightly flared.

Even if Remus was fully aware that he could trust Janus and B wholeheartedly, Remus was still undoubtedly hesitant to confess what bothersome thoughts were floating around his head. Whenever Remus needed to ramble on about some stupid dilemma he had to Janus, he was always certain about the complexity of the problem and what it entailed. Pinpointing what his current issues were to Janus was usually not too difficult to do, but somehow, this was different.

His problem felt… convoluted. More complex than he needed it to be. There were a million rampaging thoughts in his head that couldn’t stop reminding him of different problems he couldn’t tackle all at once. Typically, he can find one problem that stood out amongst the rest, but presently, every identifiable problem seemed to be equally as dreadful as each other, leaving Remus incredibly perplexed. Being unable to pinpoint his main issue was further adding on to the multitude of problems he already had to deal with, and he was unsure of how he was going to explain all this chaos that was within his mind.

Remus felt his right arm being nudged. “Remus?” Janus spoke, causing Remus blinked thrice, not realizing he went quiet for a few minutes.

“Sorry,” replied Remus with a forced grin, shoving another piece of the cake into his mouth. The worry on Janus’s face manifested a feeling of guilt within Remus, gradually making him feel sorry that Janus had to put up with his patheticness.

“Remus, what time did you sleep last night?” Asked Janus, causing Remus to fiddle nervously with the skin around his fingernails. God, Remus regretted not bringing any sort of fidget toy or object for him to utilize— Logan’s going to scold him for this. “Actually, wrong question— it’s quite obvious that you didn’t sleep last night—”

“Don’t assume, Sweeney Fraud.”

Janus quirked an eyebrow, “Oh? Then, when did you sleep, my dear Mrs. Lovett?” Janus said confidently, fidgeting with his gloves as he did. Remus made a disgruntled expression, rolling his eyes at the question. He guessed there was no avoiding it now.

“I’m not good at math, but probably seventy to seventy-eight hours ago? Uhm. That’s three days, right?”

Janus placed his hand softly on the ground beneath him, “Remus, you couldn’t have possibly been awake for more than three days—”

“At least it wasn’t four whole days.”

“Remus,” Janus scolded him once more. Hearing Janus utter his name once more made him unexpectedly tense.

“What, seventy-eight hours is nothing compared to when we fucked for—”

Janus visibly grimaced, fists slowly clenching, “Ssssstop that,” he hissed, earning an entertained chuckle from Remus. “I don’t want to remember that— that phase we had.” he added, obviously flustered.

“But ah, that phase we had was just wonderful!” Remus exclaimed, doing a chef’s kiss. Janus’s hands flew to grip his hat and simply pulled it closer to his face, “Thomas’s teenage years were marvelously filled with hormone-induced fantasies and—”

“Remusssss—”

“God, we were such horny children back then, even if it only lasted for a week—”

“Remus!” Janus roared, looking excessively embarrassed at Remus, “I am not proud of the— the activities we did back then so can you please do me a favor and forget about that entire week—”

“Jannie, you already know that I bring this up annually just to piss you off.” Remus said with a smirk, “I mean, look at you— all crimson and flushed like when I—”

“Oh my god, shut up!” Janus yelled, “You’re insufferable.”

“And so I’ve heard,” Remus replied, grinning widely.

“All I wanted was to help you with your damn problems and all I get greeted with is a reminder of our horrid sex life when we were teenagers, thanks a lot.” Janus murmured, hands still clenching his hat in humiliation. Meanwhile, Remus’ grin faltered a bit upon realizing that right, they still had his problems to discuss.

“That’s what friends are for,” Remus replied, trying to mask his worry by winking at Janus enthusiastically. Janus merely rolled his eyes exasperatedly as a reply. “And I can handle my problems fine, J-anus. Just let me sulk here for another few hours, maybe I’ll duel one of those weird pregnant mosquito vampire creatures I’ve made—”

“—the what—?”

“—And maybe fall asleep around three or four? It’ll pass by then. I think. I dunno.” Remus finished with a nonchalant tone only to raise Janus’s suspicion. Remus froze at the sight of his disbelieving face— there was no chance in hell Remus would be able to lie in front of Janus, huh?

“‘You never pass the opportunity to vent when I ask you to.” Janus told him, consequently making Remus tilt his head in confusion. Janus sighed, “Well, I know you usually change the subject when I first bring it up, but upon the second or third request, you eventually do begin venting. What’s different about now?”

Remus was surprised that Janus had observed a pattern in their talks but was still unexplainably reluctant to share what was on his mind now. It would’ve been easier if he had Logan to talk to—he just made everything much easier, Remus didn’t know how that even worked—but Logan was involved with the issue and it just heightened his uneasiness even more.

“I— well,” Remus spoke, internally cringing at himself for the awful start, “God, I’ve been doing a lot of venting lately, is that even normal?”

“Better than duelling some pregnant vampire thingies or whatever the fuck you said earlier,” Janus replied, earning a half-smile from Remus.

“But I heard they put up a good fight, Jannie! Like, the townsfolk are saying they use drills as weapons while also having an insatiable thirst for blood—”

“Getting a little off-track here.”

“Ah— sorry.” Remus gave him an apologetic smile, “I’m just… very confused? Or anxious. Thoughts just swarm around my head like bees in a beehive and all of them keep buzzing,” Remus explained nervously. The tupperware and cake has long been abandoned as he continued to peel the skin around his fingernails instead, “And, uh, I don’t know where to start?”

“So you don’t know what’s bothering you?”

“Well, yes. And no.” Remus replied as he accidentally picked the skin around his thumb too harshly, causing a small trickle of blood to appear. Janus noticed this immediately, reaching out to pull Remus’s right hand away from his left.

“Don’t do that,” Janus instructed, causing Remus to huff at him agitatedly. Janus then sighed and unbuttoned his ruined cloak, handing it to Remus, “Some of your creatures clawed at the edges so you can play with the holes and loose threads instead if it means you’ll stop picking on your skin.” Janus explained, and Remus was about to protest until Janus continued, “I have more cloaks in my room, so destroy this one all you like.”

Remus gratefully accepted the cloak, following Janus’s suggestion and playing with the loose seams. “Thank you, uh,” Remus continued his tangent as he nervously pulled and plucked the strings, “Back to the thing— I kind of know what’s bothering me. Ish. Sorta kinda. Right now, I can probably identify ten— no, fifteen— or maybe twenty thoughts floating around that I could label as something contributing to my stupid dilemma.”

“But?”

“But I feel like there’s something I’m missing. A bigger problem I can’t seem to pinpoint— like that one episode Thomas made with the puppets! Er… I don’t know why I keep bringing up that one episode lately when honestly, it was such a terrible episode—“

“The Halloween one was worse, in my humble opinion.”

“Point taken. We could’ve made that episode ten times better, y’know? I feel offended they tried to make a scary episode without inviting us! If they really wanted to discuss Thomas’s embarrassing phases, we are quite the experts—“

“We’re getting off-topic again.”

“Fuck, sorry,” Remus said apologetically, “Where were we— oh right, the stupid bigger problem thing.” Remus huffed tiredly, “I feel so fucking bothered that I don’t know what’s bothering me which is making me even more bothered and more bothered and it’s just a fucking loop! A terrible cycle. A bothering one. Did I mention I’m so fucking bothered?”

“Then lay it on me.” Janus told him, and Remus tilted his head at him, slightly perplexed, “What I mean is— if we can’t identify the bigger problem at hand, then you can at least tell me about the problems you can identify. Maybe we can piece together what we’re missing here.”

“I swear to Jesus Christ that this is beginning to look like that puppet episode.”

“What’s your obsession with that damn puppet episode? We weren’t even in it.”

“I dunno, to be honest. I just like to shit on it a lot. Like, look at me, I have the same problems Thomas is having, yet I’m still villainized, for some goddamn reason. Maybe it’s the mustache? It’s gotta be the mustache.” Remus twirled the edges of his curled mustache as Janus merely shrugged.

“To be fair, you had a very violent introduction.”

“You know what? True. Probably should’ve gone with my ‘Breaking Through the Window’ plan—“ Janus opened his mouth, most likely about to interrupt Remus, but Remus immediately butted in first before he can be scolded again, “Yea, yea, I know, go back on topic, yadda yadda yadda.”

“I’m here to listen, so feel free to spill whatever you want to spill.” Janus replied, looking at Remus intently. Before Remus could express his lengthy spiel, he successfully ripped a certain portion of the cloak he was fiddling with. Sighing, he lowered the cloak, and gazed back at Janus. Janus was patiently waiting for him, and despite looking exhausted, Remus knew he was still going to listen. God, what did he do to deserve Janus?

“Well…” Remus started anxiously, twirling one of the loose threads between his fingers, “I already told you about the entire Logan ordeal.”

“Him becoming a—what’d they call it again—a ‘Dark’ Side?”

“Yep.” Remus affirmed, face scrunched up in discomfort, “Y’know like, I thought I’d be excited to see him here, but after much thought—which is funny since most of the time, I don’t overthink things—but anyway, after much thought, I just feel… dreadful. Like, this shit ain’t just Logan coming over here to visit. This has permanent consequences I didn’t even consider until now. I don’t even know how the other sides will react or— or if this’ll damage Thomas in any way.

“I know that Thomas would still be able to function— it isn’t like Logan is actually going to fade away or disappear. He’ll just be… neglected more. Gosh, his neglect is all my fault, isn’t it? I mean, I know that I should technically blame Thomas and the other sides for Logan’s gradual descent into becoming one of us, but maybe I should take part in the blame too since it’s my fault that he’s brought down here a lot. Maybe I— maybe I badly influenced him? Maybe his own problems and insecurities were created because of how much time he’s spent with me—”

“Now that’s—”

“Me, overthinking? Probably. But Logan is important to Thomas, he needs to be up there to be able to help Thomas the most. Maybe bringing him down here was a mistake on my part because now he’s just so willing to give up his position as a ‘Light’ Side. The other sides will condemn him, hurt him even more, villainize him like how I’ve been villainized. Logan’s going to get fuckin’ hurt because of my ass and I just, what, blindly allowed it to happen for the past few months? And now it’s too late to back out because, at any moment, he’s going to join us and all chaos will break loose.

“What if… what if him becoming part of our family is going to erupt a bigass fight between Logan and the others? Believe me, I’d love to see Logan go feral and slap the shit out of Patton, but I’m… scared? And it’s weird— I’m never really scared of anything. But I’m scared that there'll be a bigger divide between the ‘Light’ and ‘Dark’ Sides because of… well, me. And I know not everything is entirely my fault, but it’s still partially my fault, so I still feel so fucking terrible.

“And speaking of more problems that are partially my fault— there’s also B I have to worry about— and you! Like, I’m dragging you both into this mess just because I fell in love with some fucking nerd and now the other sides will hate you even more. I mean, Thomas doesn’t even know B, but I know those other sides are going to pin the blame on someone else like they always do, so we’re going to be antagonized more. And I don’t even know if B and Logan get along! Like, for all I know, I’m tearing our own family apart, because as far as I’m concerned, B would murder Logan if he got the chance to. But I can’t force him to be nice because I know it’s valid of him to get mad at Logan for all the shit that went down in Thomas’s teenage years, but I don’t know if that’s just going to hurt Logan and— agh!”

“Remus,” Janus spoke softly, snapping him out of his hysteria. As Janus carefully placed his hand atop Remus’ forearm, Remus had realized that in the midst of his incohesive rambling, he had successfully torn Janus’ cloak apart with his bare hands. Moreover, his eyes didn’t seem like the only thing that felt like burning as his lungs felt like it was being set ablaze with how labored his breathing has become. He could feel his shoulder shudder after every two quickened breaths and his eye twitch after every third.

“Sorry, sorry, I—”

“Enough apologies, I need you to breathe in—” Remus took a shaky inhale, “—and tell me five things you see.”

“Wh-what is this, that Frozen episode of Sanders Sides—?”

“Five things you see, Remus.” Janus repeated himself sternly, not allowing Remus to joke his way out of this situation.

In return, Remus clenched his jaw tensely, averting his gaze from Janus to eye the scenery before him. As he fiddled with the destroyed cloak’s tangled loose threads, he spoke apprehensively, “Uhm. The lake, obviously, and its spirals. That tree in the distance that’s coiling up unto itself as its leaves are disintegrating, uhm—” Remus paused to even out his breathing before his heart decided to jump out of his chest involuntarily, “There’s a— some smoke? In the distance? I think it’s from a funeral— they’ve been having a lot of those here nowadays. And there goes a gigantic snail, trying to avoid being preyed on by— by that snake-human hybrid thing.” he finished as the snake-human hybrid pounced onto the defenseless snail, “Ah well, at least he tried.”

Once Remus looked back at Janus, he realized how horrified he must’ve been judging by his raised eyebrows and extremely thinned lips. He must’ve been trying his best not to question any creature he witnessed in this hellish side of the Imagination, and Remus felt flattered that Janus still remained by his side despite the horrific surroundings. Janus eventually shook his head and avoided gazing at the snail being eaten by the snake creature. “Apologies, er, four things you can feel?”

Remus’s grip on the cloak suddenly tightened, “Well, obviously the cloak. Uhm, it’s strings—” Remus wiggled his bare feet that laid on the ground, “I could also feel the grass and— and some water. I don’t think I’ve dried up just yet.”

“Three things you can hear?”

“The snake-human hybrid feasting on the snail it just killed—” Remus heard a muffled disgusted sound from Janus but didn’t comment on it, “The wind too— I think a tornado’s coming. And—” Remus successfully punctured another hole onto Janus’s ruined cloak, “—cloth being ripped. Sorry about your cloak.”

“Apology not needed. Two things you can smell?”

“Mold. I think it’s coming from the lake. And I think that’s—” Remus sniffed, “—smoke? Could be dead bodies. I dunno. Staying here for too long made me lose the ability to differentiate bad smells.”

Janus slightly winced at Remus’s statement but continued on, “One thing you can taste?”

“Red velvet mixed with gross lake water.” Remus replied, gazing at the abandoned tupperware on his left. His stomach grumbled at the idea of finishing the cake but his hands were too preoccupied with cloak shredding that he didn’t bother with it at all.

“I have told you before and I will tell you again: I’m not one to sugarcoat things, especially when false comfort is never going to bring you anywhere.” Janus explained as Remus nodded in understanding, “But, while these problems are quite terrifying to deal with, they also are manageable with enough time and patience. There’s no avoiding the fact that Logan is going to be part of our side of the Mindscape soon— we honestly should’ve seen it sooner after witnessing all the neglect he’s been receiving. But through thorough planning and careful conversations with B and hopefully, Thomas, we can understand that these problems aren’t too complex at all.

“We both may be figments of Thomas’s personalities, but we are also human, despite, you know, our weird animal traits. These thoughts swarming around your head like to overcomplicate situations when they might not be as awful as they seem. Again, they’re all defeatable after careful planning, and I assure you that you have my support along the way. B and Logan are also there to share their support. And I know B— we both know B— he’s impulsive, but he isn’t stupid. I’m sure B has already overheard about Logan’s transition to our side and is trying his best to adapt. And Logan loves you, Remus, he will plan something, I’m sure of it.

“And as for you… well, there’s no avoiding that we all are at fault for this entire scenario, but you, out of every side in the Mindscape, has probably contributed the least to Logan’s neglect. But it’d also be useless to dwell on the idea further when Logan’s just about to transfer any time soon. Just understand that while we have made some mistakes in the past, we’ve also grown from them and have changed. And while I can’t fully speak on Logan’s behalf, it’s quite obvious that you’ve made his life much happier.”

Remus smiled sourly to himself, slowly processing everything Janus had just stated to him. “Thank you, Jannie,” he said, earning a smug grin from Janus. “I guess I just needed some rest.”

“With how overwhelming your thoughts are at the moment, you definitely need to rest. I don’t think you’re used to having ten million problems at once.”

Suddenly, a metaphorical lightbulb flashed within Remus’s head, eyes widening at Janus’s statement, “I— wait. Hold on. Maybe that’s the problem here!”

“Not resting? Well, yes, technically—”

“No, you idiot! I forget you lose your brain cells from time to time.” Remus commented, earning an irritated huff form Janus. “What I mean is— I’ve never been used to handling so many issues all at once. Like I…” Remus snapped one string off the cloth, “For all my life, I’ve been so complacent. The only issues I’ve ever dealt with were my intrusive thoughts and my insecurities and then, well, Thomas started reaching out to us more and... there was a shift. You understand me, right? Like, everything felt like it was changing once Thomas began to rely on the other sides more.

“I was never involved in any heavy issue. More than anything, I cause many problems without giving a shit about the consequences! And then Logan happened and everything just changed again. I was so used to not caring about anything that when every problem just started stacking up, I was... overwhelmed. It made me feel like I was responsible for everything, every little issue, and I felt like I was going to ruin everything.”

“But you were just not accustomed to juggling different issues all at once?”

“Right,” Remus replied. They stayed silent for a few moments, Janus letting Remus ponder about his newfound revelation. While a dull sense of relief settled within Remus, there was still a sense of disappointment that lingered around. He couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous this all was. The problem was just so… childish. Immature. Really fucking dumb. For someone who nagged on incessantly about how pathetic Thomas was for pampering himself and his viewers constantly, Remus was being such a pathetic wimp himself.

“This was all so stupid,” Remus murmured, impassively staring off into the distance. “I’ve eaten four bottles of Vicks, I’ve killed three boars with my bare hands, fuck, I’ve tried recreating every monster from the SCP Foundation universe and tried to fight them all in a single arena! And yet this is what bothers me? It doesn’t make sense.”

“Is it supposed to?”

Remus paused for a few, “Damn,” he said, slightly breathless, “you’re good at this. Can I hire you to be my therapist?” Remus joked, his lips forming a half-smirk.

“I thought I already was.” Janus replied, “I’ll expect payment in forms of self-care.”

Remus tilted his head with a displeased pout, “Ew. Too expensive— I never agreed to any of these terms and conditions. Can we rediscuss your bill policies?”

Before replying, Janus sighed and swiftly stood up. Remus gazed at him in confusion before Janus stretched out an arm in front of Remus, implying that he was going to bring him somewhere else. “Nope, and I think it’s time for you to start paying back.”

Remus’s eyebrows slanted inwards at the abrupt demand, somewhat urged to refuse Janus’s order immediately. Janus seemed to recognize Remus’s hesitance right away as he lowered his hand in annoyance, placing it on his hip.

“I don’t want to return to my room just yet.”

Janus quirked an eyebrow at him, “I didn’t say we were going to your room, Remus, I’m not a fool.” Janus explained, and that made Remus loosen up a bit. “I was going to ask if you want to sleep in my room for tonight.”

Remus’s eyes widened at the offer but was definitely not dismayed by the suggestion. Faint memories of him and Virgil discreetly sneaking into Janus’s room on sleepless nights flitted across his mind as a warm yet pleasant feeling of nostalgia bubbled in his chest. Remus reminisced about the times where Janus would tiredly extract the pull-out bed from underneath his own bed as he and Virgil would enthusiastically hop on the bed before Janus would sing them a soothing lullaby. While Virgil was mostly a taboo subject between him and Janus nowadays, those old memories still sparked some odd comforting feeling within Remus, and he couldn’t help but smile in fondness.

“Well,” Remus started, “why didn’t you begin with that, penis squared?” Remus added with a genuine grin, scrambling to get a hold of the torn cloak and the abandoned tupperware. Janus mirrored his smile, albeit slightly tired, and reached out again to pull Remus up.

Once up, Remus dusted off any dirt that soiled his green hoodie before standing next to Janus. “I’ll make sure to set up a playlist of soap crushing videos for you to fall asleep to. While I didn’t want to do much work, I did grab some pillows, plushies, and fidget toys in advance just so you don’t have to return to your room for the night. The only thing I can’t help you with is breakfast in the morning because even if I wanted to do something sweet, we both know that I’m a fabulous chef.”

Remus barked out a laugh, “I wouldn’t want you to cook anything for me either. I feed all your failed meal attempts to Cthulhu.”

“...Poor Cthulhu.”

“But still, thanks for everything else, mother.” Remus said, earning an eye roll from Janus, “Where would I ever be without you?”

“Probably dead in a ditch.”

Remus barked out another laughter, “To be fair, I think I’d rather be dead in a ditch than face any of the crap I’m dealing with now. I think the corpse germs would treat me far better than how Thomas is treating me now.” Remus joked in between forced laughs as Janus’s face quickly dropped. Remus’s laughter only stopped when he felt Janus’s scaly palm touch his forearm and thumb over it soothingly. Remus looked at his hand, then at Janus’s face. His eyebrows are knitted together in concern but his lips formed a small, calming smile.

“This’ll all pass soon, Remus. Everything will be okay,” assured Janus as Remus quietly blinked twice at the statement before his lip quivered involuntarily. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

With glossy eyes, Remus nodded, “Yeah, yeah, let’s go.”

#sanders sides #remus sanders #janus sanders #logan sanders #platonic dukeceit #intrulogical #fanfiction #my post

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joshpup · 5 years ago

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To Love or Not To Love // Pt. 17

Intro // Pt. 1 // Pt. 2 // Pt. 3 // Pt. 4 // Pt. 5 // Pt. 6 // Pt. 7 // Pt. 8 // Pt. 9 // Pt. 10 // Pt. 11// Pt. 12 // Pt. 13 // Pt. 14 // Pt. 15 // Pt. 16 // Pt. 17

Word Count: 3,745 Genre: Svt Mafia Au Member: Mingyu Note: it’s been a solid year but I’m really trying to bring this fic back to life and finish it off well! I’ve put so much effort into this it deserves to be finished lol

You weren’t even this determined to escape when Seventeen had taken you. Maybe it was because this time around you actually felt like you had people that would look for you, you had someone you desperately wanted to get back too. Just thinking about Mingyu getting back from his mission only to find you gone, and him potentially thinking you left on purpose was enough to make your heart feel like it as going to shatter into a thousand pieces. Sure, you wanted freedom, but you wanted Mingyu more. If staying in that house for the rest of your life was the price you had to pay to be with Mingyu, you were ready to pay it. And thanks to Hoseok, you could confidently confirm you would rather have Mingyu over freedom. Silly how being kidnapped for a second time was what it took for you to finally make this decision.

It was now light outside, so you must have been out for the whole night. You peered out the window and were surprised to see a city around you. Monsta X had made their base in a city? Part of you wanted to know the reasoning as to why they made camp here, but your thoughts were overpowered by something more important. This means if you did escape from their house, you would be able to disappear a lot easier than if you were just in some open land. There were enough people and just city chaos in general that would make good cover if you were able to run away. No, scratch that, when you run away. You were going to get out of there, you were going to see Seventeen again.

There wasn’t much in the small room you had been placed in. Just a bed, a small nightstand and a wardrobe. Naturally you snooped through everything, trying to find anything that you could use to your advantage, but as you had suspected; nothing. It occurred to you while snooping through the draws, even if you were able to break out of this house, you wouldn’t know what to do from there. You don't have any sort of cell phone, you don’t know anyone's numbers and you have no clue where the base is actually located, so it's not even like you could just find you way back to seventeens base. Monsta X had to have some sort of way to get in contact with your boys. If they are actually as close as they had made it seem, they have to be in contact pretty often, right? Maybe your first step was to try and figure out how they got into contact with others. Seventeen all had cell phones, but you rarely saw them messaging anyone outside of their own group. Honestly, a majority of them just seemed to use their phones to play games. Then again, if Jihoon really was that good at tracking down people, maybe all you needed to do was get in the view of some sort of security camera and he would be able to find you. While that might make it look like you ran away, at least they would have a rough idea of where you were? Maybe Mingyu would come and find you? You decided this would be your first plan of action.

You stayed in the room for what seemed like an hour or two. If you wanted to make this plan believable, you couldn’t jump into action to fast. You heard a few of them in the hallway a couple times, but no one came to see you. Not even Hoseok. You finally decided it was a good time to get the ball rolling, so you ventured out of your room. You eventually found Hoseok in the kitchen, messing around with something in their fridge. The house itself wasn’t that big compared to seventeens. Afterall, Monsta X’s base was more or less a fancy apartment, but it was definitely on the small side. Hoseok stopped what he was doing when he saw you.

“If I’m going to stay here than I expect to be treated like a normal person and not someone you kidnapped.” You declared, making Hoseok straight up and close the fridge.

“Of course,” Hoseok said, “I never planned on treating you like anything other than a normal person.”

“Good. Then if that’s the case I want to go shopping and get some stuff for that plain room. It’s too depressing.” You said. Hoseok thought for a moment, a tiny bit of skepticism dusted across his face. “Oh come on, even seventeen let me go outside every now and then. How else do you think I was able to go to the ball. On top of actually needing things I just want to soak up the city life. It’s been so long since I’ve been around other people. Plus, where am I going to go? You’ve been stalking me for years apparently, it's not like I’d be able to run away…” you mumbled. Hoseok seemed to be wavering a bit. Your plan was working. “Come on Hoseok! Let’s go out! I might not mind it here if we do fun stuff like this!” You say in a sing-songy voice.

“Alright, alright fine. Let me go tell Shownu and then we can go.” Hoseok finally agreed. You jumped up and down and clapping your hands.

“Yay! I’m excited! It’s been so long since I was in the city.” you say before he heads out of the room to find Shownu. Your heart was pounding in your chest. This was actually going as planned; you honestly couldn’t believe it was going this well. Something had to be wrong, there was no way it was going to work this well. Maybe it was going to go so well because Hoseok knew seventeen wouldn’t actually be able to find you.

When he got back, he passed you a black baseball cap to stay “inconspicuous” but you seriously doubted that was going to stop Jihoon from noticing you. You headed towards the front door before you noticed a minor issue.

“Uh, I don’t have any shoes…” you pointed out.

“Ah right,” Hoseok sighs, “you can borrow an old pair of mine, they might not fit but it’s better than nothing. We’ll get you a new pair first thing when we go out.” He finally decides, already on the hunt for a pair. You nodded, and then suddenly felt like you had been struck by lightning. Of course! You only had one pair of shoes back at seventeen, you only ever needed one so there was no need to have more. They would see your shoes by the front door still and know you didn’t leave on purpose! They were going to be looking for you for sure! At least you knew Mingyu would at the very least. You felt like you could explode with joy upon realizing that there was a solid clue as to what had happened to you. Because of this you weren’t that bothered Hoseok's shoes didn’t fit you at all. All that mattered now was to find some surveillance cameras to stand in front of.

Of course, as soon as the two of you headed outside, Hoseok began taking you through dark alley ways and sketchy back roads that wouldn’t have any sort of camera set up. It’s only natural that someone from the mafia would know how to avoid the cameras on the streets around their own house. You had sort of figured this would happen. However, there had to be at least one functional security system set up at the various stores you would be going too. One of them was bound to pick you up. Also, in order to get to these stores, you had to leave the back alleyways eventually. Sure enough, the two of you emerged from the dark streets and slowly started to enter a more populated area. You kept your eyes out for any sort of camera as well as possible without being too noticeable about it. You figured looking around at a new town was only natural, so you weren’t to lowkey about it in the end.

“It’s a cute little city, isn’t it?” Hoseok said, clearly noticing you looking around. You only nodded, eyes flicking from him and then back to examine the area around you.

“I think you’ll like it here. You always talked about how you wanted to live in the city back when we were in school together.”

“You remember that?” You questioned. You don’t even remember much about what happened back in those days. After all you had been through it didn’t even feel like your past. You felt as if you had always been forced to live in someone else’s house. always trying to earn people’s trust to have a little bit of freedom. Always on the verge of being in a dangerous situation.

“Of course, I remember, you were special to me even back then.” Hoseok exclaims. You gave him a weak smile back, trying not to show just how uncomfortable you were when you started to think about just how long he’s been stalking you.

As promised, your first stop was to get new shoes. Thankfully, there were cameras installed in multiple places throughout the store, and you made sure to tilt your cap back just enough to reveal your face without catching Hoseok’s attention. You stared straight into each camera and prayed Jihoon would somehow see. After paying for the shoes, you were starting to think maybe looking into them wasn’t enough. You had seen in some tv show one time that someone had blinked sos to people until someone finally noticed. Thankfully, Morse code for sos was something you had picked up after watching so many true crime shows. You decided the next time you found a camera you’d try that.

Throughout the entire shopping trip, you were able to find a good handful of cameras. Some were in stores, and some were outside along the roads. You weren’t sure if all of them were actually recording but it was worth trying anyways. Whenever Hoseok wasn’t looking you were blinking sos at them. There had been a terrifying moment when Hoseok had turned around to see you blinking up at the sky weirdly and asked you what you were doing. Thankfully your brain was feeling extra quick today, and you quickly lied that something had gotten in your eye and you were trying to get it out without rubbing it. You even went as far as to ask him if he could see anything just to be on the safe side. Had you not been secretly trying to get a message through to Seventeen, the outing would have been really nice. The city was pretty, and it felt so nice to be able to walk for a long time and get a constant change of scenery. You had really missed your freedom and being able to walk around like this. Your mind drifted to your coffee shop. How was everyone doing there? What would they say if you went back all of the sudden? You missed making all the different drinks and meeting new people every day. Deep down inside you knew there was no point in pining after it, because even if you could free yourself from both Monsta X and Seventeen, your life would never be the same. You weren’t even sure you would be safe if you left the country. Someone would find you eventually, so you were just going to have to make the best of it. And the best of it was with Seventeen.

Wonho paid for the last bit of shopping the two of you had done, and then you started the journey back to the apartment. Please, you thought to yourself, please god let one of those reach seventeen. Hoseok must have noticed your change in attitude as the two of you got closer and closer to the apartment.

“We can go outside a lot more often than when you were with Seventeen. We’re a lot closer to stuff than they are, so it isn’t as big of a journey.” Hoseok pointed out. You faked a very weak smile and nodded a little, your mind somewhere else entirely.

You spent the rest of your day milling about the house. None of the other members tried to talk to you, and you certainly didn’t go out of your way to talk with them. More often than not if they walked into a room that you were in, you would just end up leaving. You could tell they were all on edge because of you. Rightfully so too. You had practically become a member of Seventeen at this point, and they just kidnapped you. It wasn’t going to be received well. If they were all so on edge, why would their boss let you leave? He had to know that Jihoon was good at tracking people, right? Maybe he was purposely trying to have you found, or maybe he was just that confident no one would be able to pinpoint their base, let alone break in. You eventually found yourself in your room and ended up staying there for the rest of the night. You didn’t go down when Hoseok invited you for dinner, and you didn’t eat anything when he brought some food up for you. You had no reason to fake being overly complacent with them anymore. If your camera idea didn’t work, there was nothing else that would work. All that was left to do was to wait and see what came of your hard work. You were just going to have to survive a couple days with them, and then everything would go back to normal…hopefully.

When you woke up the next day, there was no reason for you to get out of bed, so you just laid there. You drifted back in and out of sleep, but the time you were awake was spent looking around the small room or listening to the movements around the house. After about an hour or two of lying there, you got hungry so decided to get up. Your entire journey to the kitchen you didn’t see any of the members, so you ended up helping yourself to a bit of food. You could have sworn you had heard the members walking around earlier this morning, but know the house was silent. You shrugged your shoulders and headed back to your room. You climbed back in bed and grabbed one of the books Hoseok had gotten for you and stayed that way for a long time.

This wasn’t like when you had first been taking by Seventeen. Then you were scared to do anything, scared to even move. You had felt betrayed and had no hope. But now, there was nothing but hope in you. You were positive Mingyu would come bursting through the doors at any minute and come rescue you. Having a reason to be hopeful in this situation really made everything different. You made it through the first time okay because everyone in seventeen was nice to you, or rather, almost everyone. Most importantly you had Joshua there to help. You had no idea how he made it through his kidnapping, without the comforting thought of being rescued or nice people.

Your second full day at Monsta X’s base had almost passed by. You still hadn’t heard anyone else in the house since early morning and were starting to wonder if you should go investigate. If no one was home, who was going to stop you from just walking out the front door? Eventually, you decided you should do just that. First, you checked all the other rooms upstairs. As expected, they were empty. Then you headed downstairs and started checking the other rooms. Absolutely no one was home, unless there was some secret room you didn’t know about. Hesitantly, you headed towards the front door. This was almost too easy, it had to be a trap. You slowly twisted the doorknob, as if at any second it was going to electrocute you. The doorknob twisted, but the door didn’t budge. You adjusted the various locks on the door, but even then, the door didn’t move. Of course, it wasn’t going to be that easy. It’s not like you could just slip out of a window either since you were so high up. You let out a loud grown and began pacing around the room. Within the next five minutes, noise began to come from the door. Someone was outside. All your senses went on red alert. You heart was in your ears and you felt like your breathing was the loudest thing on earth. If it had been one of the members, they would have just unlocked the door and walked in already. Was it someone else? Were you finally being rescued, or was it a third party all together? You didn’t know what to do, so you just stood there like an idiot.

There was more rattling at the door, as if someone was trying to pick the lock. You could make out some murmuring, so it had to be more than one person. The rattling felt like it was going on forever, and then the voices raised.

“Come on, we don’t have time for this! Here, move over.” The voice said. Your heart felt like it was going to explode. You knew that voice. Before you could do or say anything, there was a huge BOOM, and then the door creaked. One more strong BOOM and the door flung open, a part of the lock clattering to the floor. Along with the swinging door came none other than Mingyu. You instantly ran forward and tackled him with a hug, catching him off guard and making him stumbled back slightly. As soon as he realized it was you, if being tackled had bother him, it didn’t anymore. He wrapped around you and clung on as if you were going to disappear into smoke at any second. You were instantly surrounded by his warmth and comforting scent, and all your worries and stress melted away instantly.

“(Y/n)! Are you okay? They didn’t hurt you, did they? I’m so sorry.” Mingyu gushed in a frenzy of words. You barely understood half of them he was speaking so fast.

“Mingyu, we need to go. Now.” Came Minghao’s voice. Mingyu didn’t wait for an answer from you. His brain was going a mile a minute. All he could think about now was getting you back to safety, he could talk with you after that. Before you knew it, you were behind pulled along at the speed of light by Mingyu, Minghao in front of the two of you, leading the way. The three of you were soon piled into a small car, and then Minghao floored it. Driving through a city can already be nerve wracking, but speeding through a city? Oh no, you were at peak anxiety. On top of that, you were still shell shocked they had found you. Even with all the hope that you had, there was still a part of you that had felt like no one would come to look for you, like the first time. Mingyu was talking in a stern voice with someone over the phone, relaying different bits of information to Minghao. You caught that they knew the current location of everyone in Monsta X and everything was going according to whatever plan they had come up with. All in all, you were safe now, you were going back home.

Mingyu didn’t end the phone call until you were well out of the city, concealed in trees that no doubt concealed the base as well. There was silence for the first time since they had come to get you. You could tell Mingyu had a lot on his mind and judging by the sympathetic looks Minghao was giving him, he could tell too. After what felt like years of driving through the bumpy forest road, you finally come up to the base and Minghao stopped the car. You had never been so happy to see a building before. You were finally starting to feel like everything was right in the world again. The three of you got out of the car, and Minghao headed inside. Mingyu lagged behind, and so did you. He turned to face you with a somber look on his face. Before he could actually say anything, your emotions finally caught up with you, and you lost all control. You burst into uncontrollable tears, in a state Mingyu had never seen you in before. He didn’t know what else to do other than to hug you close to him.

“You found me…” you finally manage to choke out, making Mingyu pull you closer. “I was so worried you would think I ran away and wouldn’t try to look for me.” You sobbed. Mingyu doesn’t say anything, but doesn’t stop hugging you, giving your back small pats until you calm down a little.

“How did you find me?” you ask, pulling away a little to look at his face in the dim light of nightfall.

“Well, first of all, who would run away without their shoes? And that would be thanks to your quick thinking and Jihoon’s skill.” Mingyu smiled as he wiped away a stray tear.

“My camera trick worked!” You smiled.

“We would have found you even without that, but we were able to find you a lot quicker thanks to that. Smart thinking!” Mingyu chuckled, pulling you in for another hug. “He shouldn’t have been able to get you in the first place though. You shouldn’t have had to gone through that.” He said, his voice suddenly becoming pained. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, and there was silence for a moment.

“It’s okay, because in the end you found me.” You said softly. The two of you stayed that way for a while before Mingyu finally straightened up.

“We should probably get inside; the others are all waiting to see you. They were all worried too.” He explained.

“Well, we can’t keep them waiting any longer now, can we?” you said, taking Mingyu’s hand in yours before the two of you headed for the front door.

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inevitably-johnlocked · 5 years ago

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Five Fics Friday: Jan. 24/20

Hey all!!

I didn’t get a chance to read a lot this week mostly because I have been reading one new fic and it’s a long one and I haven’t had the chance to finish it yet, so you’re just getting a lot more of my “anything goes” today, LOL <3 Sorry guys!! I didn’t keep track of what I MFL’d this week so I’m trash LOL.

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CURRENTLY READING

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel., Possessive/Obsessive Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Body Appreciation, Depression) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

ANYTHING GOES

The General Idea by agirlsname (T, 3,022 w., 1 Ch. || Retirement, Promise of Forever / Proposal, POV John, First Kiss, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Soft Sherlock, Idiots in Love, Crying / Emotional Sherlock, Love Confessions) – After twenty years of friendship, John is used to Sherlock acting weirdly. But the news Sherlock finally brings himself to deliver change the carefully built dynamics between them, and John realises it's time to act.

Hitting the Water at Sixty Miles an Hour by what_alchemy (E, 30,568 w., 5 Ch. || Fake Rel., Roadtrips, Slow Burn, Mummy Holmes) – “You love your mother, Sherlock?” John watched the muscles in Sherlock’s jaw jump. He nodded in one sharp jerk. “Then we’re going to her party and making her happy.” John let out a resigned sigh. “As a ruddy couple, you bastard.”

Perdition's Flames by i_ship_an_armada (E, 63,435 w., 21 Ch. || Treklock AU, Est. Rel, Genetic Engineering, Angst & Fluff, BAMF!John) – Sherlock would do anything to save him. Risk anything. Give anything. His money, his life. His soul. What he does, though, is change both of their destinies forever. Genetic re-engineering is the only option left. It turns out researchers underestimated the life expectancy and potential abilities of genetically re-engineered subjects. The British government and what would eventually become the United Federation of Planets, however, had not. Part 1 of PF Universe

The Swan Triad Series by Pennin_Ink (T, 121,660 w. across 3 works || Swan Lake AU || Magical / Fairy Tale AU, Romance, Falling in Love, Pining, Psychological Torture, Transformation) – Sherlock and John grow up spending every summer together. Their mothers' attempts to play matchmaker only fuel their mutual resentment and scorn. But then, one summer.

#five fics friday #my fic recs #johnlock fic recs

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yoongihoseok97 · 6 years ago

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Cookies & Kisses💋 Pt.2

.BTS Jungkook.

Summary- Jeon Jungkook is a broke college student who’s just trying to get his degree and find his place in the world but things aren’t always that easy. Especially when you’re only 21 years old and have a 4 year old daughter.

Warnings- Mentions of underage sex, brief mentions of past drug & alchol abuse. Mentions of past depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts. Quite a bit of swearing but nothing too harsh, don’t read if you’re sensitive to anything mentioned above.

Word Count- 2.9k

The sun was blazing down onto Seoul and the new summer heat brought about various types of people who were keen to soak up the rays before returning home. Happiness was the expression covering most people’s faces as they laughed with their friends, families played cheerfully on the different rides the park provided. Some people who clearly didn’t dress appropriately for the weather made you chuckle as they wiped the sweat off their forehead, carrying around the layers they were forced to remove by the overwhelming blaze. It was an overall pleasant day and the already red faced, excited children made you content from their innocence. How you’d wish to go back to those days where the only thing that mattered was the type of flavour ice cream you would get from the corner store.

Yet here you were. 21 years old and struggling to find a job to fit around your busy university schedule to help pay the never ending list of bills. You found peace in watching strangers live their lives, it was a weird hobby that you gained over the years but you liked to imagine what everyone else’s life was like. It sometimes got you in trouble with some of the wrong people for staring for to long but you couldn’t help being intrigued in your surroundings. You just found it fascinating how everyone had their own thoughts, family and relationships and how no two people on this planet were the same as one another yet here you all were.

The once cold metallic bench you were seated on was now covered in an uncomfortable amount of sweat which signaled that it was your time to leave if you wanted to get to your daily rehearsal on time; however a tall, tattooed man came running into the already overcrowded park with whom you assumed was his sister due to his seemingly young age caught your eye. He was probably about 20 with a muscular frame covered in a short sleeved shirt and a pair of blue denim shorts, showing off his heavily tattooed, yet toned legs that go perfectly with the black and white artwork on his arms. You smiled at the sight in front of you, he was clearly struggling to put suncream onto the young girls face as she kept moving around and eventually slid through his legs and skipped off giggling to herself as she climbed onto the slide, surprising you when the words “come play daddy” left her small mouth. Never would you have thought he was her father and you somewhat felt guilty for judging them so quickly.

Seeing the two play together so happily made you weirdly jealous of the women who got to call them her family. The young father was one of the best looking men you had even seen and his daughter was beautiful with long curly hair that complimented her small frame perfectly. You started to imagine the young girls mother, shiny brown hair, tall with big hazel eyes that never lose their shine no matter the occasion. Looking around you began searching for someone matching the image in your head however no one seemed to be taking notice of the pair. In fact a lot of people were keeping away from the young father, some were other parents shielding their children’s view of the two and others were staring down the fathers overly tattoed body. The sight made you frown, who were they to criticise someone else for what they chose to do with their body? You thought his tattoos were beautiful, they were like pieces of art placed perfectly on his skin and you couldn’t see any problem with them at all. They made him unique.

A loud buzz broke you from you gaze. Shaking your head slightly you looked down to your phone and gasped “fuck!” You exclaimed and collected your things in a hurry. You were extremely late for your rehearsal and you knew if you didn’t leave now, your professor would literally kill you. Taking one last glance at the pair in front of you, you quickly jogged towards the exit of the park, hitting yourself after getting distracted.

What you didn’t see was the young dad looking over at you when he heard you curse. Finding your panicked expression and rushed exit amusing.

“Youngjae, sooyoung I’ve already told you, it is a duet not a solo! You need to harmonise together!” Professor Richards shouted, waving around her sheet music from her spot on the piano. The production of the play had just started yet she was already stressed with the numerous challenges the students always seemed to provide. Deeming yourself as successful that she hadn’t noticed you were late, you slipped into the chair next to your puzzled friend.

“Why are you so late? You should have been here 20 minutes ago! You’re so lucky she didn’t notice you were gone cause she literally would have literally killed you” Luna exclaimed punching you fairly hard in the arm. You smiled sheepishly “I’m sorry I was at the park and got distracted.” She looked like she was about to ask another question but a booming voice interrupted her before she could. “Miss Y/L/N can I speak to you for a minute please” You turned your head to see your professor looking straight at you with a pleading look in her electric blue eyes. You nodded slowly before looking back at Luna who smirked and winked at you as you got up, ‘fuck’ you mouthed as you walked towards Mrs Richards.

She didn’t wait for you to catch up with her, instead walking speedily into a room just outside of the theatre that was oddly quiet despite the amount of people inside the block of classrooms. Mrs Richards got a flyer out of her bulky folder and handed it to you. ‘Grease the musical! Choreographer needed!’ Was labeled on the front in big bold letters and you looked at it confusedly, thinking your friend Carter was meant to be doing the choreography. “Carter rang me this morning, he’s broken his leg and can’t do the show.” She looked at you after sighing and sitting down on the closest chair next to her. “Since you’re my female lead I would love for you to help me in the audition process for the new choreographer.”

You sighed quietly. This is just another job to pile onto your already busy enough schedule yet you knew you couldn’t say no, especially to Mrs Richards. You and her had always been quite close due to the fact she knew you were insanely talented and she loved working with you and helping you improve. “Yeah okay, it’s not gonna take long though is it? Im really busy at the minute” you say biting your lip, scanning through the information on the sheet again. She shook her head, “No It’ll take about 3 hours, 4 at most but I really need you there Y/N.” You just smiled and thanked her, telling her you’ll see her there before bowing your head slightly in goodbye and walked out of the room to join the rest your class.

The deafening sound of music filled the dance studio as Jungkook tirelessly worked on his new routine. The strong stench of mixed Red Bull and sweat overpowered the room and if anyone were to enter then he was sure that they’d be paralysed by the smell. He’d been practicing since 6:30am, almost 7 hours now and Jungkook was unsure if the normally baggy material of his grey Nike shorts could stick to his skin even more then they already are. Frustrated, he turned the music off and ungraciously fell to the floor. He needed this extra credit and was willing to work long hours for it, even if it meant missing out slightly on having a social life.

His loud breathing symbolised that it was time to leave and Jungkook was beyond happy to be going home after his tense day a practice. He slowly got up and packed his things away before gulping down the last quarter of his energy drink, that he hated himself for having as they did nothing but make his teeth ache from the bucket full of sugar, and made his way back to the apartment. It was far to hot in Seoul for Jungkooks taste and he made a mental note of buying suncream for Eunha on his way to the nursery. He walked his usual root home that led him through the park where a few people were sunbathing and he smiled at the thought of picking Eunha up early and treating her to an ice cream and a play on the games at the playground.

He arrived back at home 10 minutes later, shouting a quick ‘hello’ to Hoseok who was sitting in the living room, in front of a fan, shirtless and groaning about the heat before running up the stairs and jumping in the shower. The cool water made him instantly relax his tense body and he really didn’t want to leave but he needed to be quick if he wanted to pick Eunha up and go to the park before the rush of the mass of families who had the same idea that he did, beat him in getting there first and taking all the best rides.

Slipping on a simple white t-shirt, a pair of three quarter, blue denim shorts and black & white vans, he sat down next to Hoseok and sighed as he leant back into the comfy, cotton sofa. “Fuck I literally want to stay here for the rest of my life” he said moaning quietly. Hoseok chuckled and shook his head “no way, I’d get butt cramp.” The two laughed. “What are you gonna do today?” The older male questioned as he joined Jungkook in leaning back on the sofa. “I’m about to pick up Eunha and I’m taking her to that huge park down the street.” Hoseok nodded and reached into his pocket to pull out a few dollar bills and placed them in Jungkooks hand.

“Here, treat Eun to an ice cream or something.” The younger frowned as he glanced down at the money. “Hoseok you don’t have to I’m doing alright with money at the minute” he tried to hand the money back but he refused. “I know you are but that doesn’t mean I can’t help out a bit and treat my favorite niece to some ice cream every once in a while.” Jungkook smiled. “She’s your only niece, but thank you I really appreciate it.” He waved his hand to dismiss the comment and Jungkook patted his back, saying bye before grabbing his keys & cigarettes making his way out of the door.

The young dad has always hated taking money from the people around him. He thought if he took it, it would make him look weak and make people question if he could really raise a child as he wasn’t financially stable. The whole thing use to make him panic, so much that he himself started to question if he was really capable of raising a child. Looking back at himself a few years ago and comparing him then to where he is now, he can confidently say that he no longer has those thoughts. He had done a great job of raising his little girl for the past four years and he was awfully proud of her, saying that she’s the kindest, most beautiful girl in the world.

After walking another 10 minutes Jungkook made it to he nursery, he walked up the steps to the front entrance and pushed the buzzer on the side of the door and patiently waited for the receptionist to let him inside. The receptionist smiled once she saw who it was and flicked her straight blonde hair over her shoulder; she had always had a thing for the young dad and Jungkook was flattered,but wasn’t interested.

“Mr Jeon it’s nice to see you again! How are you?” She asked leaning forward slightly so her cleavage was on show, the gesture made Jungkook raise his eyebrow at her openness but he continued to answer her question.

“I’m great thanks Michelle, just here to pick up Eunha.” He smiled and closed one eye into a wink in a way to almost tease the blonde. Michelle blushed and looked away from the eye contact and pressed the button which allowed the doors to the school be opened. “Do you need me to show you to her classroom?” Her voice hopeful as she began to rise from her chair. The father shook his hand is dismiss “No I’m okay thanks, I’ll see you soon.” He said as he paced his way into the main school area, waving goodbye yet not waiting for her to respond.

Jungkook took his time as he walked through the bright hallways, stopping every so often to look at the children’s artwork draped along the corridors; his heart clenched with pride as he saw a piece of work with the name ‘Eunha Jeon’ written on the bottom of a drawing of a herself and Jungkook. She had made sure to draw a few of her fathers tattoos on his arms and even wrote next to the side of him “My awesome daddy!” Which continued to make Jungkook smile. He pulled out his phone and quickly checked to see if anyone was around before he snapped a shot of the family portrait and saving it as his home screen. The student carried on down the corridor and soon arrived at Eunhas class. The door was open due to the hot weather and the children were busy playing with their toys. His daughter was playing by herself in the corner of the room with a box of barbie dolls, she had recently taken an interest in playing with them after Jin had brought her one for last years Christmas and Jungkook would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it when she had forced him to play with her.

The student knocked on the door to gain the teachers attention before he walked in, she was sat at her desk looking through the plans for her lessons when Jungkook made his way over to her. “Miss Matthews? Hi” He smiled.

“Oh Mr Jeon, you here to pick Eunha up already?” She took of her glasses, stood from her seat and walked towards the father. Before he could respond a loud bang followed by a small cry gained his attention. His daughter was on the floor after obviously being pushed over and Jungkooks heart dropped. A young boy was standing above her with a smirk wedged on his face after he realised she was crying. “Eunha!” The panicked father shouted as he raced towards his little girl, not caring about the teacher calling after his name.

Jungkook immediately scooped her up into his arms and she buried her small face into the crook of his neck, tears still streaming down her face. He turned to the young boy who looked rather frightened now that Jungkook was sitting in front of him. “What on earth do you think you’re doing to my daughter?” He said trying to contain his anger as afterall, he was speaking to a child and as much as he’d like to shout and scream at him, he knew that would be an asshole move.

“I- I’m sorry sir, I didn’t mean to hurt her!” The boy spoke, looking up at his teacher for help. She shook her head and kneeled down to his height. “We saw what you did Jacob, and it wasn’t very nice! You could’ve seriously hurt Eunha.” The boy frowned at her words and gazed his eyes back to his classmate who had stopped crying now but was still sniffing into her fathers neck. “I’m sorry Eunha it won’t happen again.” Jungkook rolled his eyes at the boys statement, his apology was clearly forced and he couldn’t wait to talk to the boys parents about the situation.

“You okay Eun?” Jungkook asked as she pulled her face from his neck. Her eyes were red and puffy from the crying and his heart felt like it was being smashed to pieces. She didn’t deserve this. The young girl nodded and sniffed again. This wasn’t the afternoon Jungkook had planned. “I’m sorry about what happened Eunha, I’ll see you tomorrow okay sweetie” Miss Matthews smiled and stroked the hair out of Eunhas eyes. The dad got up from his kneeling position and began to walk out of the room, calling out a bye and a small ‘thank you’ to the teacher.

He pulled Eunha closer to his chest and kissed her forehead, “Well baby, my plan was to go to the park so we can have some fun but we don’t have to go if you’re not feeling up to it.” Jungkook suggested whilst they were walking through the school halls and her head perked up at the plan of the park. “I’m okay daddy let’s go to the park!” She wriggled happily in his arms and Jungkook laughed at her enthusiasm. He muttered a quiet ‘of course baby’ in her ear and she giggled at the warm breath on her skin and Jungkook felt all the stress leave his body when he heard the cute sounds fall out of her mouth. She was the best thing to ever happen to him and he was 100% sure of that.

#bts #bts reactions #bts scenarios #kpop #kpop scenarios #bts jungkook #fanfic #bts fluff #jungkook scenarios #bts fanfic #single dad au #jungkook #bts jhope #hoseok #jhope

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palenoface · 6 years ago

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DEH YouTubers AU

Personal channels

Jared is the first to really be active on YT : he doesn’t have a big community until he starts streaming for eight hours straight ; he becomes unexpectedly popular.

his fanbase makes memes out of his ragequits or his ridiculous winning poses.

He called his fans “children” one time and it stuck with them.

Every now and then he posts tutorials on how to fix tech junk, pretty much like that one guy he saw doing a big “FUCK U” to apple

His channel’s name is TheInsanelyCoolJaredKleinman but it’s kind of a mouthful so the internet shortened it to TICJK. His intro is “*spinning chair* SUP FUCKERS THE INSANELY COOL JARED KLEINMAN HERE AND TODAY-”

Connor accidentally uploaded an unedited video and the algorithm pushes him in the front of the scene maybe six months after he posted it.

Most of his channel is just him sitting at his desk, often high, ranting about everything that is wrong in the world and how one can get better on a personal level.

His most popular vid is the one where he talks about beating depression and prevening suicide. He almost cries on camera.

His channel reeks of chaotic energy and people are here for it.

His channel’s name is murphyrules and his intro is “Okay so.”

Alana does pretty much the same thing as Connor, but in a more calm, collected way. Her channel is all about feel-good activism.

A lot of her vids are recorded outside. She usually writes what she wants to say before she turns on her camera and checks multiple times that her arguments are fair and valid.

She’s very LGBTQ+ oriented and talks a lot about feminism and racism, and just equality in general.

Her fanbase is pretty small and chill, so she hosts a discord where her fans can talk together and reach out whenever they’re in need.

He channel’s name is just Alana Beck and her intro is generally a quote from someone probably famous followed by “Hello everyone, you’re in the good place.” She likes the Good Place.

Zoe starts later than the rest of the team, but really gets into it when she sees how much it helps Connor and wants to try it for herself.

She mostly posts covers of Frank Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald‘s songs, but occasionally makes book reviews.

She’s probably the least connected to her fans, because they aren’t all that numerous and barely comment, but she always gets an excellent ratio views/likes.

Her style is a little messy but everyone sees how much potential she has and is encouraging her to impose herself more.

Her channel’s name is Soul’s Pulse. She doesn’t have a real intro, but she fingerguns more often than not.

Evan didn’t plan to become a youtuber at first.

He’s mostly in the background of the other’s vids, like sometimes he’s listening to music in Jared’s room during a livestream, or how he sits on Connor’s bed when he decides to film anything, because he’s often high and Evan doesn’t want him to get hurt while setting up his stuff, or he goes on walks with Alana and holds the camera for her when she vlogs outside so she can have her hands free, or sometimes he and Zoe discuss about a particular line in a song or a book and try to understand why it works the way it works.

But one day Jared edits out twenty seconds out of one of his streams and it’s just Evan rapping at the speed of fast on Guns and Ships and the internet basically exploses.

He’s not sure at first, but then under the insistant demands on his instagram and twitter he finally makes his own channel : turns out he’s very good at beatboxing, rapping and singing acapella, so he mostly does that for a while, but then branches out a little and starts doing his own rant videos about ecology and mental health.

His channel’s name is Ev Rants and his intro is “Today is a good day and here’s why.”

Collabs

Jared is, as often in their group, the first to be asked to do official collabs with his friends, and not just Evan or Alana walking by in the background.

Jared & Connor sometimes play together online on random games, and eventually get kicked out of their respective teams because they keep targeting each other no matter what the main goal is. They often end teaming up and beating everyone else’s ass.

Jared & Alana play strategy board games. It usually take them a whole day to get through a single game because they keep trying to one-up each other with ridiculous yet very effective tactics.

Jared & Zoe collab very rarely on Jared’s channel, but there are one or two videos of Zoe describing very cool mods she found for Skyrim.

Jared & Evan don’t really collab, it’s more like Evan tags along at some point during livestreams and acts like an unhelpful second driver, trying to give Jared directions. It’s very frustrating for both of them but very funny for the public.

Connor never titles his videos as collabs, and his thumbnails are always a black screen with the title on it, so it’s generally a surprise whenever there is someone else on screen.

Connor & Jared made a short series of videos where Jared looks at stuff on the internet and Connor has to tell if it’s true or made up.

Connor & Alana team up on subjects like white/male privilege or capitalism and make a lot of historical researches to understand where it comes from and why it still exists.

Connor & Zoe’s collabs are the more frequent as they live under the same roof. It’s always less-than-a-minute videos recorded with a phone, where one of the siblings does something stupid or weird, like accidentally setting fire to a frying pan.

Connor & Evan are both present in most of Connor’s videos, but Evan doesn’t always speak up. When he does, it turns into a question-answers kind of game about a specific topic until they both know enough about it to write a whole thesis.

Alana puts all the tags possible on her collabs, because she wants to make sure everyone knows that, yes, she actually has friends in real life.

Alana & Jared once tried to host a DnD night with the gang, but ended fighting over technicalities of the main quest. It’s probably the longest video on her channel to this day.

Alana & Connor vlog together when she finds a way to lure him outside of his house. They go to museums where Alana plays the guide and Connor makes snarky comments about everything, but they overall enjoy themselves.

Alana & Zoe decided from the start that their collabs would never be heavy themed, so they do a lot of challenges - or at least the non-dangerous or stupid ones - and tags and asks videos.

Alana & Evan love to record their treks in the mountains or in the forest, because Evan has an impressive memory when it comes to trees and plants, and Alana is always eager to learn.

Zoe gets more important once the others include her in their videos, but there is always the idea that her subs are here for her and her only.

Zoe & Jared make vine compilations. That’s it, that’s all they do.

Zoe & Connor made one (1) cover together on a random song and for some reason it’s now a daily thing.

Zoe & Alana talk a lot about music theory when they are together. Sometimes they also do wholesome memes and satisfying sped-up videos of the two of them cleaning a whole room.

Zoe & Evan sing a lot acapella when they have the time, and if they don’t they just review cartoons. (Zoe has a thing for Steven Universe, but shhh.)

Evan & Jared come up with game theories when they collab on Evan’s channel. The most popular video about it is the one where they realized the theme songs of the characters in Undertale are always connected to one another.

Evan & Connor make sure to film together once every five videos. They don’t always know what they will be talking about, but Evan just hit the record button and they spend the afternoon together, after what he edits it out and keeps the important parts.

Evan & Alana do yoga on saturdays, sometimes with Connor as a special guest. It never goes as planned and always ends in laughter when one of them inevitably slips and falls.

Evan & Zoe’s collabs are kind of messy when it’s on Evan’s channel, but it’s always wonky DIY and weird cooking recipes they found online. They sing together while working.

Group channel

Alana is the one who thinks of it, because she’s been asked multiple times on her Discord if she would do a Q&A, and most of the questions are about her relationships with the other members of the team.

They call the channel Dear Unholy Five after the first meme to come out is all five responding “porn”at the same time at the question “what did the internet brought you that you would never have learned in school ?”

Zoe does most of the group challenges on this channel instead of her own, like making everyone’s makeup - this one was a disaster, they had no idea what they were doing - or watching terrible movies and commenting it.

Connor uses the channel as an excuse to play ouija. Evan is lowkey the only one enjoying himself, weirdly enough. Jared jokes that Evan has a supernatural kink on top of the tree one. “Ghost tree kink” becomes a new meme within the community.

Jared just loves being asked stuff.

The community

Because the group is close-knitted and is used to read each-other’s comments, Zoe quickly notices that some of their fans are starting to shipping them. While her and Alana’s relationship isn’t a secret - they hold hands in various vlogs and sometimes even kiss on camera, and no one really made a big deal about it - Evan isn’t officially out of the closet, Jared’s SO prefers to keep their identity private and Connor isn’t the most comfortable around feelings.

As it starts happening more and more often, Connor and Evan figure out that whatever is between them doesn’t need to make it on the internet, so they don’t confirm nor deny anything.

It only fuels the fanbase more, but because they’re such a small community based on each other’s respect and privacy they don’t pry too much, and when anyone starts to be too nosy the rest of the fanbase quickly shut them down. There are however the occasional shippers who never miss anything on screen and notice whenever Connor makes heart-eyes at Evan, or when Evan becomes flustered by Connor’s proximity.

Zoe is the one unexpectedly confirming the theories when she records the two boys singing Marianas Trench at two in the morning, and Connor suddenly kisses Evan in the middle of Here’s to the Zeros and resumes on singing like it’s nothing. The bad quality of the video doesn’t stop it from trending, before Zoe finally takes it down on Evan’s request.

The fans stay respectful of their wish for privacy, and after the first wave of hype it just becomes common knowledge that they’re together. (It doesn’t stop Connor from killing his fans a little whenever he and Evan swap clothes, though.)

#dear evan hansen #deh #tree bros #youtuber au

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itsthesinbin · 6 years ago

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I Want To Be Free (Yandere!Black Hat/FemReader SFW)

This is a commission for a user that wished to remain anonymous! I hope you enjoy it, friend.

Remember: My commissions are open! And my information can be viewed HERE!

Warning for: Kidnapping, possessive behavior, abuse, manipulative behavior, and implied brainwashing (near the end of the fic)

You had just wanted to go camping. That’s all you wanted. Just wanted to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city, and just sit in the woods. Gaze at some deer. Eat some berries you thought were fine and then pass out in the middle of the woods because they were poisonous.

You know. Camping things.

What you didn’t account for was encountering robots patrolling the path.

When you heard the mechanical whirring, you ducked down behind a large bush. Did you walk into a logging zone? Is that illegal? You’re pretty sure that’s illegal.

Peeking over the bush, you found some… weird robots. The signature top hats, though, tipped off who the hell these robots belonged to.

You paled, trying to silently back away from the group of patrolling bots. Your mind raced, wondering what the hell they were doing out here.

Why would Black Hat need to send his bots out into the middle of the woods? Looking for a place to dump a body- or multiple bodies? Does he need those poisonous berries you thought about earlier to make a poison? Was he looking for a captive? A potential ransom target?

Well, you weren’t getting kidnapped today, boy!

You began to back up, hoping to remain undetected by the robots. Of course, luck wasn’t on your side as you slammed your foot into every single fallen stick, and dry leaf, in the forest.

You froze, looking back towards the bots. They were all looking at you, monocles glowing a bright red.

“Target found,” they all echoed, before beginning to advance on you. You let out a pathetic whimper, instead of the scream you wanted, before turning tail and sprinting away.

Tears fell down your cheeks as you heard them chase after you. Why the hell do they want you? You’re no one special. You work in an office making coffee, for crying out loud! You don’t have money, your friends and family don’t have any either. There’s no point!

Are you going to be an experiment? Test subject? God, you really hope not. You like everything intact and in place, as it is.

Lost in your thoughts, your leg got caught in a small, abandoned burrow. Your ankle twisted, making you let out a scream as you fell. Pulling your injured leg out, you were forced into a hypothetical corner as the robots approached.

One of them reached out, picking you up with long metal arms. Its’ torso opened, revealing a hollow inside, and you were shoved into its’ chest cavity. The cage-like door shut, leaving you trapped in its’ body.

Panic rising, you rattled the door in an attempt to dislodge it. You screamed, begging to be let out.

“Please- let me go! I don’t know what you want from me, but I don’t have anything you’d need!” Of course, Black Hat, himself, wasn't listening. There was no way to convince these robots to let you out.

You were being taken to Black Hat’s manor. You were going to die there.

Slowly, you stopped struggling in your cage. God… you were being captured by Black Hat. You were actually going to die. Or, at the very least, you’ll never see your family again. You were… really going to be kidnapped.

The trip through the woods was long, leaving you to go through three of the five stages of grief in a short amount of time. In reality, you’ll be depressed for a long time, though.

After what seemed like hours, you finally arrived in the backyard of Hat Manor. It…. it really was a giant top hat, like people said it was. That was… kinda stupid. It must be really fortified to keep people from coming after him.

The robots dipped in through what seemed to be a garage, but it led down into some underground network. The only light came from the menacing red monocles of the robots, barely illuminating the concrete halls. You saw deep scratches in the cement, and you decided not to think about whatever the fuck could make those.

You had to shield your eyes when you finally arrived to your designation. It was a bright lab, and you were dumped onto the floor. You whined in pain as you landed on your injured leg, barely hearing the footsteps that came towards you.

You looked up, staring into the goggles of a man with a bag on his head. Black Hat’s personal scientist- Doctor Flug.

The doctor stared down at you, eyes widening before angrily glaring at the robots.

“What the hell did you all do?! She’s a mess! Boss is gonna dismantle ALL of us!” The robots, unaware of whatever trouble they could possibly be in, began to file out of the room. Flug groaned, before calling over two others robots. They were more feminine, but still modeled after the leader of the manor. That was… extremely creepy.

“You’ll be washed, and your wounds treated. You’ll also get new clothes.” You were lifted up by the new bots, making you struggle.

“What’s going on,” you croaked, new tears spilling. Flug paused, letting out a small huff.

“You’ll figure it out,” he mumbled, sending the bots off to clean you. You struggled, screaming and begging, once again, to be released. The cold, mechanical women dragging you down the hall paid you no mind as they burst into a bathroom.

You were stripped naked, your clothes immediately incinerated by one of the robots. You were then dumped into still-hot water, and the robots got to work on you.

One cleaned off your injured leg, applying some kind of salve to your ankle. The other one brushed through your hair, pulling out twigs and leaves. You were forcibly washed, skin scrubbed raw by rough robotic hands.

When your skin was red and your scalp felt like it was burning, you were pulled out of the bath. A soft towel rubbed at your sensitive skin, and your hair was being blow-dried.

You stared at the wall, mind now numbed from the stress and fear. All you could think of is how you were going to die here. You’d never go back to your stupid job and go home to watch tv. You’re just… done for.

You were put into new clothes- as well as new underwear. That was highly unsettling, as they knew you were exact size bra and panties. You were also dressed in new clothing, much darker than your normal attire. And also… weirdly revealing. Cleavage was on display, and the skirt was short enough to make you nervous. You were given comfortable shoes, thankfully, to support your injured ankle.

Silently, you were pulled out of the bathroom again. Your hair was styled on the way- pulled back and pinned in a bun. You were taken back to the lab, and the robots left as soon as the door shut behind you all.

You refused to look at Flug as he examined you. You felt so exposed. So humiliated. You wanted to go home.

“There- much better. Boss’ll be happy.” Your gaze snapped up to him.

“What the FUCK is going on,” you snapped, reaching forward to grab his collar. He wasn’t fazed at all, merely pulling your hands off of his coat.

“Look, I’m just here to make sure you weren’t dead upon arrival. 505’ll take you to his office,” he said dismissively, all but waving you off as a big blue… bear… came into the lab. It let out a happy noise in greeting, before grabbing your hand gently. The only thing that’s shown you any kinda care since you stepped in here is a giant mutated bear. How fun.

You were led out of the lab again, this time being taken past the bathroom and further into the building. You didn’t bother trying to ask the bear for help. You could tell he didn’t… speak english. He could clearly understand it, but you knew he couldn’t help you.

505 stopped outside of an office, patting you on the back with a sympathetic smile. You gave him a pleading look, tears brimming your eyes again. His smile faltered, before he hurried down the hall. You wrapped your arms around yourself, feeling cold and alone.

The door creaked open. You tensed up, frozen in place.

The monster, himself, sat at a large desk. Hands steepled, he grinned menacingly when you saw you. A mysterious force dragged you into the room, slamming the door shut behind you.

You were forced into a chair on the other side of his desk, a small yelp leaving you as you were pulled down into the leather. You kept your arms across yourself, looking at the villain in fear. His impossibly wide grin seemed to grow even more.

“Welcome home,” he finally said, making a cold, icy fear spread through your body. You swallowed, trying to find your voice.

“What-” you coughed through the voice crack- “what do… do you mean?” He leaned back, tapping his cane against the side of his chair.

“Did I stutter, my dear? I said “welcome home”.” His smile fell slightly, a little annoyed he had to repeat himself.

“Why… say that,” you asked, voice growing more quiet out of terror. His grin returned to full size, standing. He walked around to your side of the desk, turning your chair to face him. You pressed back into the chair in an attempt to get away from him.

“I’ve been watching you for a while. I could see your potential being wasted in that… boring office,” he drawled, standing to his full height again. He smiled down at you.

“Something about you was calling to me. I believe you’re an… old mate of mine, reincarnated. They always loved playing hard to get- what better way to do that than bind yourself to the will of the universe?” He moved again, heading towards the window. You watched him, curious and scared.

“I happened to find you while my bots were on patrol- saw you walking home from that little cafe you love so much. I could tell, right away, that you had something about you that made me want to keep watching you.” He stared out the window, before looking back over his shoulder to see you.

“Having you here… I know your power. And I intend to keep you, this time.” Despite your mind yelling at you not to show weakness, new tears escaped your eyes.

“There has to be some mistake-” He slammed his cane down, turning to you quickly. Your jaw clicked shut, hurting your teeth, as he glared at you. Any amusement he had in his gaze was gone, and his mouth was curled into a snarl.

“You think I make mistakes? Especially ones of this calibre,” he growled, stalking back over to you.

“I know magic, and the Old Power. And you have that. And now…” his grin returned once again, predatory and hungry. It made you sick.

“You’re mine.” He grabbed your chin, leaning down and forcing a kiss from you.

You tried to push him away, but he wasn’t budging. His tongue snaked into your mouth, making you gag. FInally, he moved away to let you breathe. You coughed, feeling bile sting the back of your throat. Thankfully, you didn’t throw up on his shoes. You don’t think he would’ve appreciated that.

He grabbed your hand in a faux-gentlemanly manner, before yanking you up. You stumbled, falling against him. He gave out a chuckle, pulling you out of the room.

“I’ll show you to your room. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the decor,” he all but purred, ignoring the way you struggled and tried to break free of his grip. You knew it was no use- this man was way too strong for any mortal- but you couldn’t help but try. It’s just human nature to try and survive. To be free.

God, you were never going to be free again.

You stopped in front of a large door, labeled with your name on it. Your full name. How much did he actually fucking know about you?

He opened the door, leading you inside. It… was your room. From your house. Right down the smallest trinket. He even had your pictures copied and framed in the exact same frames.

He let your hand go, and you turned to face him. Momentarily, you forgot who you were with.

“What the hell is your problem, you freak,” you screeched, and he reeled back slightly.

“You stalk me, kidnap me, and now you’ve done THIS? What’s wrong with you?!” It was silent for a solid twenty seconds- long enough for you to remember who you were speaking with. Your face morphed from anger to fear, taking shaky, limping steps backwards.

“Please- I-” A deep, demonic growl left him. His hand shot to your throat, ignoring your wheezing as he dragged you forward.

“Do NOT think you can get away with talking to me like that, human,” he snarled, his voice taking on a tone that made your head hurt. His body morphed, eyes straining as your mind struggled to process the way his form was taking shape.

“I may have shown you pity by doing this for you, but do not think I am some weak fool who will bend over backwards for his mate.” He shoved you back, making you fall to the ground. You coughed harshly, regaining the air that was stolen from you.

“Now. You will stay in here until you know your damn PLACE,” he screeched, leaving the room and slamming it shut behind himself.

You stayed on the floor, shaking like a leaf, for five minutes. You did nothing else but stare at the door, wondering if he was going to come back in here and beat you within an inch of your life.

Thankfully, he never did.

You finally stood, stumbling over to the door. Your ankle throbbed in protest, but your adrenaline kept you going. You grabbed the handle, panicking as you tried to force the door open.

“Please, please, please,” you hiccupped, a childish part of you hoping that saying please would get the door open. Of course, it didn’t relent. It stayed locked, mocking you with the slight give the door had when you pulled at the knob.

You, eventually, stopped and slid to your knees. You sobbed at the door, before covering your face in shame and anger. You couldn’t believe this. Trapped with a psychopathic asshole who thinks you’re his… mate.

God, you felt absolutely sick.

You ended up falling asleep on the floor, too tired and upset to move.

Three days passed before Black Hat finally let you out. You lost the fight so quickly, Black Hat was almost bored. But, he was determined to shape you into the mate he desired.

When the door opened, you blearily stared at the dark creature standing in your doorway. You didn’t bother getting out of bed- if he wanted you out, he’ll have to drag you out.

Which, he did.

Tendrils sprouted from the shadows, yanking you out of the bed and onto your feet. You were clad in the pajamas that appeared in your drawers the first night you were brought here. You were tired of wearing those revealing clothes. At least he gave you comfortable pajamas that weren’t showing off every piece of skin you had.

Black Hat assessed your appearance, frowning slightly.

“This won’t do,” he grunted. “Eat dinner, then one of the drones will come in here to dress you appropriately.” You frowned as he turned to leave.

“For what,” you growled. He paused, having to process the idea that you actually got angry with him. He sneered at you over his shoulder.

“We are having a party soon. You will be on your best behavior. If you are, I’ll let you roam the manor freely. Am I understood?” You were quiet. He turned to face you, growling deeply.

“Am. I. Understood?” Definitely, stupidly, you stayed quiet. He stormed towards you, gripping your arm hard enough to bruise.

“If I ask you a question, you answer me. Got it?” Your angry glare faltered, your fear shining through.

“... Fine,” you spat, yanking your arm back when he let go. He growled slightly, eyeing the spot where he was holding you.

“Now you’ll need a long sleeve instead of the cocktail I had in mind,” he huffed, leaving the room. The door slammed shut, making you flinch.

You ate some of the food 505 brought you, not even trying to beg him to let you out today. You knew it would lead nowhere.

An hour after dinner, the bots came in. Once again, you were forcibly undressed and put in clothes you really didn’t want to wear. Sure, the dress was pretty and the shoes were comfortable, but… they weren’t your choice. None of this was your choice.

When your makeup and hair was done, the bots left. Normally, that wouldn’t be a big deal, but this time… they left the door open. You stared at the open door, wondering if this was a test. You heard people already in main hall of the manor. The party was starting, and Black Hat was probably greeting the early guests.

He wasn’t here, yet, to get you.

Should you even try? No doubt he has cameras all over the place. If he has access to them at all times, he’ll see you.

You feel like you’d die either way, but at least if you do this… you’ll die having a chance at freedom.

You took your heels off- in the off-chance you need to fight, they COULD be weapons- and began padding through the halls. There had to be some kind exit you could get out through. You wished you could’ve crawled out through your window, but the window in your room was completely locked. There was no way to try and unlock it. Trust you, you’ve tried for a while.

You checked various rooms carefully, not wanting to find Black Hat sitting in the dark like a dumb cartoon villain. When you finally found one that had a window, you let out a breath of relief.

You tested the window. It was heavy, but it was unlocked. You heaved, using all of your strength to push the old window open. Footsteps coming from the hall almost made you drop the damn thing on your fingers.

You turned, seeing Flug entering the open door. Fuck, you knew you should’ve closed it.

The two of you stared each other down, neither one of you willing to move first. No one breathed, until Flug finally took a step towards you.

“Just… step away from the window,” he said slowly, hands coming up as if to try and placate you. You took a shuddering breath, a mascara-filled tear slipping down your cheek.

“Please,” you whispered. “Just let me leave.” Flug was quiet. You hoped he was considering letting you leave.

Then, he reached into his pocket, pulling out a remote. You didn’t know what it did, but with how many robots were in this place… you had an idea.

Before he could press the button, you sprung into action. With a cry of effort, you launched yourself out of the window. Thankfully, you were on the first floor, so you only landed with mild discomfort. Flug ran over to the window, just in time to see you scurrying towards the wooded area behind the neighborhood the manor was located. He sighed heavily.

“Boss isn’t gonna be happy about this,” Flug mumbled, knowing he’d get an earful, before pressing the button.

You heard an alarm come from the manor, and you forced yourself to run faster. You tried to regulate your breathing, knowing if you began hyperventilating you’d just pass out.

You can do this. You can escape. You can do this!

You got into the treeline right as the robots were released, just in time to avoid the lights trying to find you.

You didn’t stop, though. You knew they would look for you. You had to keep running.

You don’t know how long you ran, but you couldn’t feel your legs by the time you stopped. Your legs shook wildly, barely allowing you to walk. But, you couldn’t stop now. Not when you can hear Black Hat screaming at the lifeless machines to find you.

You knew your makeup was ruined, the sticky residue left making you severely uncomfortable. Your dress was torn from briars and low branches, leaving parts of your skin exposed to the elements. You felt blood seep into the torn fabric from scratches and cuts, and only hoped you could find a way to clean them before they got infected.

Finally, you found a small cave opening nearly covered by a downed tree and fallen leaves. You looked back, seeing no one was nearby to see you go in. There were faint lights, showing the bots were on your tail, but… maybe you could hide from them for a while.

You managed to squeeze past the fallen tree, batting away cobwebs and crawling into the cave. It wasn’t big, but it was enough. Hurriedly, you recovered the fallen leaves.

Opening covered, you crawled into the farthest corner and curled up into the smallest ball possible. You were pressing your knees so tightly to your chest that you could barely breathe, but you didn’t dare move.

The next minute or so was spent trying to control your breathing. The closer the whirring bots and yelling got, the more you wanted to begin bawling. You knew that any noise meant you were dead.

You could hear them right outside the cave, and silently clasped a hand over your mouth. You forced yourself to breathe slowly, staring up at the cave opening with wide, terrified eyes.

You were a cornered, injured rabbit, forced to face the starving wolf. And you had no idea whether you’d be able to run again, once he found you.

It felt like hours of them searching around, no doubt finding traces of your blood nearby and knowing the trail ended around here. Your entire body shook, and your occupied hand gripped the heels that you didn’t dare let go of. You knew they wouldn’t do anything, but having any kind of defense was better than your bare fists.

If he grabbed you, you were going to try and take out an eye in retaliation.

Finally, the bots began to move on. You heard some kind of… sickening squelching, mixed with demonic snarling, that followed after the mechanical whirring. You didn’t even think about wanting to see what form that monster had taken, while searching for you.

You didn’t trust yourself not to start crying, so you stayed perfectly still. You remained in that position until you were cramping, and even then you didn’t leave the corner you sat in. No way you were going to get pounced on the moment you left the cave.

You didn’t know when you dozed off, but when you finally woke again, you saw sunlight streaming in. You shifted, feeling the blanket shifting over you-.

Wait…

The memories of last night crashed back to you, and your eyes popped open. Instantly awake, you found yourself back in your room. You panted heavily, feeling panic rising.

Was… was all of that a dream? You looked over yourself, finding yourself in your favorite set of pajamas. You checked yourself for injuries, finding nothing. Not even your previously-sore ankle was hurting anymore.

Did… you seriously dream all of that? There was no way…

Footsteps approached your door, and you looked up. Maybe it… was your roommate?

When the door opened, your heart jumped into your throat, and tears instantly fell from your eyes.

Black Hat stood in the doorway, a sickening grin on his face.

“You had me so worried,” he drawled, clearly enjoying the fear he could sense in you. He strolled closer, the door shutting behind him. He set his cane against your bed, leaning down and grabbing your chin.

“You ruined the engagement party I had ready for you, you know? All those guests, forced to leave early because you got cold feet,” he said, grin slipping into a sneer and voice dropping to a growl. His hand moved, grabbing your neck.

It burned. It actually burned. Even when he pulled his hand away, the burn continued- only getting worse. You wheezed, screaming as you felt your skin scar over.

“There. That brand should keep you from leaving again. And… think of it as an engagement ring, my dear,” he purred, giving you a forceful kiss before leaving once again. The door slammed shut, locking into place.

With shaking legs, you hurried over, banging on the door.

“LET ME OUT,” you screeched, voice cracking and desperate. You sobbed and wailed, clawing at the door until your nails were split and your fingers were bleeding.

You dropped to the ground when you couldn’t feel your fingers anymore, staring at the wall and trying to breathe. You didn’t react when a nurse bot wheeled in to patch up your bleeding hands. You just stared, barely paying attention as an intercom turned on.

“Now… time to turn you into the bride I’ve been looking for,” Black Hat’s voice crackled through the speaker. White noise began playing, and you heard some kind of… strange, demonic voice in the background. Every time you tried to listen to it, it got harder and harder to understand.

You began to cry again, body shaking and chest tight.

You were going to die here. And a new you was going to live on, in your place.

You wished her the best of luck.

#villainous #villanos #black hat #black hat x reader #yandere #fic #mod fic #abuse //#manipulation //#kidnapping //

95 notes · View notes

yangholic · 6 years ago

Text

Peephole |Three

word count: 1,748

warnings: mental instability, blood/gore

a/n: dang, this was pretty frustrating to write 😩 i went thru a small bout of writer’s block which made me struggle with pacing, so i hope it’s not too rushed!

Ever since that night, Jimin began to regularly drop by your apartment around dinner time. At first, he would simply offer you home-cooked meals stored in Tupperware containers. But as time went on, you began to feel more comfortable with your neighbor, and you soon found your tiny kitchen full of his cooking utensils, spices and ingredients. The two of you adopted a nightly ritual of dining together, with Jimin cooking and you cleaning up afterward. It was then that you learned more about the mysterious Lee Jimin. He was 23 years old and taught contemporary dance at a local studio. In his free time he liked to read comics and play videogames. His favorite color was blue and he loved kimchi jjigae. The more time you spent with Jimin, the more you became convinced that he was, in fact, not a murderer. How could somebody so mild-mannered be a vicious killer? What you had seen was definitely just a delusion.

The peephole you once obsessed over remained unused for weeks on end, where it stayed hidden and undisturbed behind a STB poster. You rationalized this as having trust in Jimin— maybe even more than you trusted yourself— or to his daily presence in your life. But in reality, you didn’t want your blissful ignorance to be shattered. And despite the fact that you tried to abstain from looking through the makeshift hole, you couldn’t help but cave in to your desires one evening.

Jimin had yet to stop by, and it was well past dinnertime. Something like this usually wouldn’t bother you, but nevertheless, there was a gentle nagging in the back of your mind telling you that maybe you weren’t completely delusional. You paced around your living room, contemplating whether or not you should revert to your previous stalkerish behavior. Finally, you mustered up enough courage to just take just a quick peek. After dimming the lights in your room, you whispered words of assurance to yourself as you removed the boyband’s poster. “I bet he’s not even home, and if he is, then he’s probably sleeping. Jimin’s a good person. I believe in him.”

Your hopes were crushed the second your eye adjusted to the darkness in the neighboring apartment. A pot-bellied man lay hogtied on Jimin’s bed, his mouth gagged and eyes wide with fear. A raincoat-clad figure approached the struggling man, a box cutter materializing from seemingly nowhere. The blade swiftly tore at the man’s jugular, blood spurting from his artery, a grotesque gurgling noise bubbling from his throat, followed by silence.

Murder.

The silhouette removed their hood, revealing an all-too-familiar man. Despite the darkness, you could clearly see all his features— cherubic cheeks, pillowy lips, golden hair. A wave of nausea hit you as you saw the corners of his lips curling into the same bone-chilling smile you had seen that night. Frantically re-adhering the poster back to the wall, you tugged on the roots of your hair, your mind quickly spiraling into madness. You curled into yourself, feet supporting your weight as you rocked back and forth, muttering to yourself incoherently. “I didn’t see it, I didn’t see anything.” How much time had passed? Seconds? Minutes? Hours? Were you even lucid?

An annoying ringing filled your ears, causing you to snap back to reality. The guest incessantly rang your doorbell, beckoning you towards the door. You knew it was him, but after seeing the things he had done why were you undoing the lock? Why were you opening the door? Why were you inviting him in?

Jimin’s face lit up as he held up a large cooking pot, “Hey! Sorry I’m late, I got caught up with something. I made some gamjatang for us tonight.” He slid into the spare pair of house shoes and brushed past you, dropping the cooking receptacle on the burner. “Today was a good day, so I think my cooking will be extra tasty!” The air of nonchalance that Jimin exuded was disturbingly soothing, despite you seeing him for what he truly was. If housewives could turn a blind eye to their husband’s affair, then you could look past Jimin’s darkness too, right? In other words, if reality was unbelievable, one can choose whether or not to accept that reality, or believe in something else.

And you refuṠ̡̲͇̘̣̄̄͊̀͛̎̃͊ed to believe.

Ŗ̧͍̳̙͕̎̄̍̂̒͑̽͒ȩ̶̝͍͇̗̉̈̌̒̿̈́͌͡fused to be̢̼̯͈̗͈͆̇̄̀̀̚͠͡lieve.

Y̷͚̦͙͎̦͎͆̊̎́̋͜ͅͅö̴͔͕͙͉͙͙̳͛͒̔͟͠͝ư̡̡͓͍̩̣̿́̉̍̓́͞ Ŗ̢̪̠̬͍̬̰͌͌̄̆͋͗̽e̶̢̡̢̛̖̰̗͙̻̒́̈́̿͐̀̓̂͑f̴̨̛͈͎̻̩̬̝͍́̿̇͛͊̿͑̕ų̵͓͕̜̖̭̻̭̟̊͐̈͆̃̇͠s̶̛̝͙̱̺̞̼̎͛̓͌͂̒͘͜ë̡̛̟̱̤̬̀̒̄͘͜͜d̴̤̠̯͖͇̺͚̓̓́̕͜͞ t̨̡̨̘̫̝͖̣̯͖̍́̉͘͝O̧̹̳̼͕̩͔̮̽͋̀͑̚͢ B̸̨̙̹̞̺̫̒͗̑̅̊̀̀̉̕͘͟é̼̺̞̗̩̺͍̊̀́̽̽́̚͢͜͠ͅL̴̢̬͕̖͕͍̖̔̏̔̓̾͛͐̚͢͢i̛͍͍͈̯̞̗̟̲̟͊͋̈́̒͆͛̓̒̚Ẹ̷̰͔̮͙́̎͗̂̈̇͢͞v̴̝̠͚̳͎̹̬̆̂̐̽̂͐͒͋̏ẹ̥͚̪̊̽̓̊͟͠.̜̥̦͍͔̃͑̌̇̊̚͟͢͢

The only thing you could B̴̢̛̩̯̥̥͍̬̙͍̾̆͋͆̂elieve in was h̵͓̞̫͍̭̪͋̊̂̄̀͟͢͝į̸̭̠͎̻̔͑̓̌́̌̿͊̑̚m̵̭̗̤̤̳̌̎͘͝͞

“Jimin?” You said, head bowed over your warm bowl of stew. “Why do you even bother?” The man in question quirked his head, not seeming to understand your words. “I’m a shut-in, a worthless drop out that doesn’t contribute to society. A few months ago, I was so anxious and depressed that I thought about suicide daily. But then… How should I say this,” you paused, rubbing your sweaty palms on your thighs, “I met you, Jimin. And you’ve been so kind to me, but why? Is it out of pity? Charity?” Jimin’s face was unreadable, expressionless, even, as he laced his fingers under his chin. He responded with a simple quote: “‘Love thy neighbor’.” A dark aura emanated from the man sitting across from you, as if something evil had possessed him. “I eat with you because I want to make sure I’m still normal. Don’t you ever worry about it?” Before you could respond, Jimin continued. “Don’t you wonder if there’s something wrong with you? When you’re always alone, you start comparing yourself with others— you want to make sure you’re actually normal. But when you’re surrounded by other people, you don’t compare yourself with them. You want to be yourself. You think it’s okay to be weird or to be special. That’s how life balances out.” Jimin’s message was cryptic, but you understood his words loud and clear: he stayed balanced through murder.

•·················•·················•

Although you didn’t want to believe— you wanted to stay blind to the truth— the following night you found yourself glued to the makeshift peephole once more. Jimin had a modus operandi: he always killed men. The moment his victim comes onto him, Jimin slices them up with a box cutter. You were simultaneously amazed and horrified by the placid look that spread across his fine features when his prey had finally perished. The fucked up way he cathartically released pent-up frustration was disturbing, but you had promised yourself the night of your suicide attempt that you’d love him no matter what.

Even if that meant he was a serial murderer.

You shuddered in disgust as Jimin languidly dragged the dull edge of the box cutter down his victim’s torso, a crimson line of blood trailing behind the blade. The recoil caused your phone to slip out of your hand and it clattered loudly on the tile floor. You reeled to pick it up, and the brief removal of your head caused a tiny sliver of light to stream into Jimin’s room, alerting him of the hole on his side of the wall. Returning back to the peephole, you expected to see Jimin’s mahogany coffee table or sky blue bed sheets stained with res. Instead, you were met with an eye, staring right back at you.

The look of Love.

Lee Jimin was going to kill you, that much was for certain. He found out your secret, just as you had found his, and he was going to dig his blade into your throat to make sure you never lived to tell a soul. At least, that’s what you told yourself. Weirdly enough, the thought of an Angel killing you didn’t seem as scary as you impulsively taking your own life.

The doorbell rang and your body instinctively moved to answer, your fight-or-flight instincts malfunctioning completely. You were weak for Lee Jimin, your serial killer next-door neighbor. He wordlessly entered your apartment, his body language neither upset or amused. He was completely unreadable. “You let me in,” he stated as he approached the small divot in the wall, “and you pretended you didn’t know. How long have you been watching me?” You dropped to your knees, your fingers wringing into the fabric of your shirt. “Roughly a month…” He kept his back to you, ignoring your pitiful position. “Jimin, I... Even if you... I still—”

“Accept me,” he said softly, cocking his head over his shoulder as he glanced down at you fondly. Your hands trembled as you struggled to comprehend what he was saying. Was Jimin going to spare your life if you simply acknowledged and accepted him for who he was? There had to be an ulterior motive— something deeper meaning to what he said. The blonde man crouched down to level himself with you, his eyes boring into yours. His hand crept to the weapon he kept hidden against his hip, flicking the blade up and holding it against your jugular. “Y/N, accept me, or I’ll have to kill you.” Your throat bobbed against the cool metal, aware that at any moment he could end your life with one swift flick of the wrist.

“Okay, Jimin,” you responded, your eyes silently communicating that you were earnest in your reply. Your neighbor’s sunshine smile returned and he giddily clapped his hands, the box cutter falling to the floor. “Then let’s go out!” You nodded shyly, a tiny smile creeping at the junction of your lips. “I think it would work out well,” Jimin added. You nodded in agreement, voice wavering slightly as you spoke, “I’m- I’m happy.”

“Me too!” Jimin looked so perfect with his ethereal features creasing in happiness. It was the face of a murderer— a beautiful murderer. You hadn’t noticed the delightful shiver of excitement rolling down your spine as you stared at him, your teeth gnawing on your bottom lip subconsciously as a warmth pooled in your abdomen. “Oh, jagiya you’re bleeding,” Jimin said softly as he inspected your busted lip. His breath was hot on your mouth as it fanned across the open wound. “You shouldn’t bite your lip so much, they’re very dry.” Without warning, Jimin lapped at the strip of bleeding skin, savoring the taste of your blood. “You know, they say it tastes like iron, but I think fresh blood tastes a bit salty,” he said with a wink, making your knees weak and head fuzzy.

If Lee Jimin were to kill you, you’d let him. Because you, the suicidal shut-in, had fallen completely in love with Jimin, the cutthroat killer.

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#park jimin yandere #park jimin imagines #yandere jimin #bts yandere #bts yandere au #bts serial killer au #jimin serial killer au #jimin serial killer #bts horror #jimin x reader #bts reader insert

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prettywordsyouleft · 6 years ago

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The Sex Contract - Chapter 18

Genre: friends to lovers au / friends with benefits / mature content / romance / angst

Characters: Shim Changmin x Kaia Ashton (OC)

A/N: Due to the overwhelming request I have followed your encouragement to bring back one of my older stories. This was back in a time where OCs were everything and writing one chapter in each main’s point of view was the trend. I hope that even though I have edited this drastically, that you can appreciate this story comes from my older style of writing. I definitely still read this often and find it enjoyable so I hope you will too.

Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 - FINAL

Chapter 18 – Kaia’s POV.

It was irrational and fully based on emotions but Kaia promptly decided she couldn’t stay anymore. She took one look around her and went straight for her luggage bag, hoisting it up onto the bed and started to messily pack her belongings into it. The tears soon came and her stomach was eating at itself with guilt. Kaia knew she couldn’t take it anymore; she couldn’t be here watching Changmin live the way he was, remaining oblivious to how she felt. Kaia knew she could tell him but the reality of that was harsh, it was impossible for Changmin to date her. Kaia’s only option was to get out of this contract and hope one day that their friendship would return.

For now though, she needed to escape. After finishing her packing, she tried to quietly depart the apartment, opting to carry the heavy luggage bag so its wheels didn’t sound across the wooden floors. Kaia made it to the front door, and after slipping her feet into her shoes, she opened it. Once out in the hallway, she briskly made her way out of the building, hoping no one had heard her departure. With a final look up at the complex, Kaia wiped away her tears and started dragging her luggage down the still bustling sidewalk. Her pace dwindled, and she eventually found a bench to sit down on. Kaia didn’t know what her next move was. If she went home now, she would be in trouble for not finishing her report of TVXQ’s trip to Japan. However, her front row journalism would be difficult to achieve considering she had decided to avoid Changmin. Lowering her head, she let out a defeated sigh. The contract had damaged so much and they had both been oblivious to the destruction in its path. All the little comments Yunho had been making clicked in her head, and Kaia wondered why the warning bells hadn’t gone off earlier. He had been able to see the outcome before anyone else.

Pulling out her phone, Kaia was slightly relieved that her departure hadn’t been detected after all. Dialling a familiar number, she listened to it ring a couple of times. The recipient cleared his throat before answering. Taking a shallow breath, Kaia played with the handle on my bag. “Jae, I have to leave Tokyo but I hope we can meet in Korea sometime.”

“Tell me where you are? Are you at the airport?!” He was suddenly alert and Kaia grimaced, wondering if it had of better to just text the Korean. Smiling, she knew that there would have been no way to escape Jaewon easily either way. “Kaia?!”

“I’m sitting on a bench on the sidewalk. But I could meet you at our Starbucks?” she answered after a bit and could hear that he was moving quickly around his room.

“I’ll be there, don’t leave until I am, okay?” The phone call clicked off and Kaia slowly got to her feet, heading to the coffee shop she now knew how to get to without little trouble. By the time she reached it, Kaia was surprised to see Jaewon already sitting inside the coffee shop, his dark eyes relaxing when he caught sight of her. She was slightly taken back by his reaction but smiled never the less. Making her way over to the table, she sat down and scooted her luggage bag as close as she could.

“Sorry for getting you up out of bed, I felt I should let you know that I’m heading back to Korea,” I explained and Jaewon nodded.

“When do you leave?”

“I just booked a flight whilst coming over here, it leaves at five-thirty AM.” Kaia sighed and gave a weak smile. Jaewon eyed her curiously.

“Did something happen with that musician you’re here with?”

She shook her head. “Not much, I just can’t hack this lifestyle. And to be honest I actually miss Seoul.”

“You’re running away.” He raised an eyebrow at her. “And you like the guy you came with, but he obviously hasn’t noticed you like that so you can’t handle living his lifestyle when he won’t live yours a little too.”

Kaia blinked, wondering how Jaewon had picked all that up without her even mentioning it. She let out a little laugh, hoping it didn’t sound as phony as it did to her own ears. Kaia pointed at Jaewon and wagged her index finger at him. “Have you been watching Korean dramas, Jae? This is the real world, I wouldn’t even dream of thinking I could get with Ch-- my friend.”

“Well, I’ll miss ya, its been fun having you tag along with promotions. You will keep in contact right? So many people say they will, but then never do.”

“Jaewon.” Kaia smiled warmly and nodded. “How could I forget my hero? Course I’ll keep in contact.”

“Email me your home address,” he instructed and she looked at him weirdly. He smirked and leaned over the table towards her. “So I can come stalk you.”

“You would,” Kaia replied with a chuckle and he laughed with her. She sighed a moment later. “Thanks for everything though Jae, I-”

He shook his index finger. “Don’t make the mood sad again, or I will worry and press you for all the details.”

“Alright, I promise. After this drink, I should make my way to the airport though.”

“Well, let’s make this drink last,” he said with another laugh and launched into conversation.

By the time Kaia reached the airport, the comfort of Jaewon’s company was slowly wearing off. She kept checking her watch for the time and not because she was worried about her flight. She had worked out that Changmin and Yunho would wake up half an hour before the boarding time and although she had estimated it nearly impossible for either of them to make it to the airport, Kaia was still paranoid that they would try and respond before she left for Korea.

Now, who’s the one thinking of Korean drama scenes? Kaia thought in attempts to calm down. She even let out a little laugh; the idea of Changmin coming after her did seem highly unlikely. But there was a tiny part of her, foolish to even think of it, that wanted him to realise her feelings and to chase after her. Sighing heavily, Kaia knew that would never happen. Even if he wanted to, he wasn’t just Shim Changmin, but Choikang Changmin, one half of TVXQ. The idea became depressing as the time went by. Blinking back her tears, Kaia tried to focus on something to make the wait speed up. After sending a text to Keith and Sungra about returning home, she attempted to play a game on the device and failed to play it correctly. Eventually frustrated, Kaia shoved the phone in her pocket, folding her arms across her chest.

Looking up at the overhead screen, Kaia noticed the plane was open for boarding and got to her feet, heading for the boarding gate. The hostess bowed at her lightly and she handed over her ticket and passport. Kaia barely listened to what she had to say, her eyes looking around the terminal. It was busy, as expected of any airport, but within the sea of faces, she didn’t see any familiar ones. Kaia almost laughed out loud at her foolishness and took my passport back before heading through the doors. She didn’t stop walking until she was in the lounge, taking a heavy seat on a cushioned bench. Kaia regulated her breathing, trying to wrestle with the scolding her rational mind was giving. Just as she was calming down, Kai heard her phone go off, and she froze for a moment, before scrambling for the device in her pocket.

Unlocking it, she was instantly let down when she saw it was from Jaewon. Kicking herself again, Kaia opened the message and blinked several times. Her frazzled mind re-read the simple sentence several times before she took a really good look at it.

Jaewon: Kaia, I really like you. I hope we can meet up in Korea soon. Jae x

“What is up with today?” She murmured as realisation hit that Jaewon meant he liked her more than a friend. She couldn’t help but smile, imagining how awkward he would be feeling and fretting over getting a response. She realised at that she liked him too. Although Kaia was so wrapped up in her feelings for Changmin, rational thoughts started to occur. She enjoyed Jaewon’s company and found him attractive. He was available to give her more time of the day than Changmin ever would. And he didn’t want her for just sex. The idea of Jaewon’s confession became more appealing by the minute and she was soon grinning, wondering how she should respond. Kaia hesitated for a moment, knowing that things could get tricky for her if he found out about Changmin.

He’s unattainable. You could be with someone who wants you for more than physical needs. Kaia smiled as the thought firmly stamped out her doubts and texted Jaewon back, telling him she was looking forward to meeting with him again.

She boarded the plane with a new resolve to her needs.

“Where are the tears eh? Here I was expecting a friend who looked like a mess after the text I received telling me to come and pick you up four days ahead of schedule.”

“Thanks for the welcome home Keith,” Kaia mentioned as the man who had stepped forth to hug her pulled away. She gave him a strong look. “You’ve lost weight.”

“Fretting over you being in Japan, of course.”

“Hah.” Kaia glanced around her friend and blinked a couple of times, noticing for the first time that Sungra had accompanied him to pick her up. They shared a look before she lurched forward, Kaia’s arms soon clinging to Sungra’s petite frame. Kaia started to cry, a wave of nostalgia hitting her. She had missed Sungra more than she had realised.

“I’m sorry,” Sungra said as the tears slowed down and Kaia looked at her best friend and shook her head.

“No, that’s my line, I’m sorry I was such a shit friend. I should have told you, I was just-”

“Scared that I’d put you into a difficult position, I know.” Sungra smiled. “You were right not to you know, I probably would have asked you to let me meet them just once.”

“Can we still do that?” Keith asked with a grin and Kaia shoved him playfully. “No I’m serious; I’d love to say I met a God.”

“Shush you, let Kai relax first before we ask her for all the goss.”

Kaia groaned and started rolling her suitcase to the exit. “Do I really have to? It’s bad enough I have to face Minah and tell her that I’m unable to finish my job.”

“Minah already knows you’re back in Korea too.”

Kaia gasped and looked at Keith, clamping her eyes shut and stopping in her tracks. Sungra laughed heartily. “Kaia Ashton, you will forever be the most dramatic person I know.”

“I don’t want to get fired from two jobs!” Kaia wailed and then cringed as she felt both of her friends grab an arm each.

“First, we’re going to get some decent coffee. Secondly, you are going to tell us everything this time. No details are to be left out, understand?” Keith and Sungra were both looking at her sternly and Kaia sighed, nodding her head.

She just wondered how she was going to explain the mess she had left behind.

_________________

Part 19

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leggigoesabroad · 6 years ago

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we’re only here on borrowed time

Sitting on a lovely, smooth, high-speed train from Nuremberg, Germany to Paris. Yesterday was a day from hell which I'll lightly get into but not dwell on, but for now, I'm so happy. I'd be remiss to not mention why!! Part of the reason I decided to book the train instead of flying from Prague to Paris was for many uninterrupted hours to listen to this new book my doctor recommended for me, called "Stress Less, Accomplish More" but Emily Fletcher. It obviously sounds like a typical self-help book, but I have a crush on my doctor and she really sold it for me. (BTW she's no older than like, 32, is married with two kids, super pretty, and totally gets me. She's very female-centric and one time said 'I'll never let you leave here without a prescription for more birth control, we will never let the system be the reason you're struggling with something' after asking if I had enough for the foreseeable future. Joke's on her, I'm single AF, but it really spoke to me.) She said it's a book about meditation and although I've tried meditating before, I am a little bit of a natural skeptic as to allllllllll of its listed benefits. She said this super simple technique helps you sleep better, greatly reduces anxiety/depression, get sick less often, be more effective at work, eliminate jet lag, on and on. She said she honestly can't say enough about it and it completely changed her life. I took this as a way to be more like her and immediately bought it. Also because I wanted her to like me. Incidentally, she texted me a few days ago inviting me to a new women's group she's developing for people in my demographic who are going through the same things. Because like of COURSE she did!! She also tells me to call her Casey instead of by "Doctor" and man I should stop now this is getting weird.

Anyway, this book is by an ex-Broadway performer who noticed she was going grey at age 28 (cough cough I am too) and was sick of all the medications she used to treat these symptoms and wanted to get more at the root. She talks about how simple this meditation method is - 15 minutes twice a day - and how it is literally the best thing she's ever done for herself in her life. After her course, she asks people how much money it would take to stop meditating. They all say something between "500 million dollars" and "no amount of money in the world, because what would be the point without everything else meditation gives me?" I booked the train so I could set aside several hours to listen to the book, especially on this trip, because we all know from the Thailand blog era that being far away in new countries is often what helps me make decisions in life and really self-reflect. Yes, I hear how extra that sounds, but I'm fine with it. I'm only on Chapter 5 and I keep intermittently crying!! We haven't even gotten to the part where she tells me HOW to meditate! Just her background on why it works and the entire theory behind it. The author talks about one case in which a guy with advanced Parkinson's started her sessions and after literally the first one, his tremors disappeared during the entire 15 minutes and for 5 minutes after. She said when they both opened their eyes he asked if she had noticed, and she said she did, and started crying because it was arguably the most profound moment of her career. I'm crying typing this. Ugh. She doesn't claim that meditation will cure chronic illnesses of course, but rather that it's the best thing one can possibly do to supplement medical instruction and for some ailments, it can indeed end up replacing them. She said after she started the practice, she didn't get sick again (cold, flu, anything) for EIGHT AND A HALF YEARS!! Because when the body can use sleep at night to fully rest and not just as a band-aid for stress relief, your immune system can work at its intended level and not allow any of these small things to come into play. You'd think I'd be getting paid for this post, but alas, I'm only 5 chapters in and get ready for me to be even more insufferable than usual when I get home.

Onward. Last I left off I was in a cafe with Lizzy in Prague. We stayed for a few hours and actually got a lot of work done! Turns out my freelance deadlines don't disappear when I go to Europe, hmm. We then walked to an area called Petrin, which from afar just looks like a tree-covered hill. It's actually an uphill path in an expansive park that ultimately overlooks the entire city of Prague. The more we went up, I kept thinking "we must be at the top by now" and then new buildings and castles and paths and orchards would appear. It felt like a hidden fairyland with twists and turns and new beautiful sights along the way. I posted a pic on the gram, but at one point we came to a clearing and there was a picture-perfect snapshot of the entire city through the trees. With the red roofs and striking architecture I again almost felt like crying. Also saw a bunch of couples making out in the orchards with no shame all, so that was something. Good on 'em, ay. We stopped for a glass of wine at the top (duh) and ended up chatting about work/management styles/feelings about jobs/etc. Something great about Lizzy is that it turns out for everything I'm interested in, she's in grad school for. I felt like she was the manifestation of all things fascinating to me. Kinda like when you meet someone really smart who is able to vocalize all the things you feel about things, but better. Like Hilary, but not my sister. Like Jay Wong, but not my boss! We talked about Kitty and her job search and then got into the concept of finding a job by figuring out what you love and what comes naturally to you, and then seeing how you can get paid for it. She loved hearing about Kitty and SpotX and the proposal she had to do about team-building and customer engagement, and we chatted all about different marketable skills. I remember crying to Hil many years ago (Hil if you read this, do you remember??) about how I *thought* I was smart but I hated studying/learning/school and my grades reflected that, and how I've squandered all my potential, I'm actually really dumb, etc. BTW in retrospect I now see a lot of that as my undiagnosed ADHD and I wish I had understood it earlier to get ahead of it, but it's okay. Hil at the time told me that she may have great grades and a good job, etc., but that she can't walk into a room and command attention or just become friends with everyone, and that skills come in all shapes and sizes and one isn't better than another. I'M GETTING EMOTIONAL AGAIN. Remember when my blogs used to be carefree and funny? Me either.

After that, Lizzy and I walked all through the grounds of the Prague Castle and wound our way down the hill to the Charles Bridge, and stopped for another drink. Then we got into a whole discussion about relationships and sexuality. Later, when we were hanging out with her husband, Rob, I found myself saying over and over: "It's like what Lizzy and I were talking about earlier..." and he was like "how did you guys somehow talk about EVERYTHING today?!" Females, man. Eventually she went back to her place to shower and I checked into my Airbnb across the street. Got SO EXHAUSTED and almost fell dead asleep while waiting for her before dinner, but rallied, and so glad I did. We took the tram up the hill to a nice restaurant for dinner, then went to an Irish pub to watch the Liverpool/Barcelona game. No one there remembered the epic call from 2010 World Cup that Ned and I quote all the time, but hey, we do and that's what counts. ("AND YOU COULD NOT WRITE... A STORY LIKE THIS.") We got there at halftime and were ordering drinks at the bar when a guy sitting at the bar was a real dick and says to me and Lizzy, "just so you know, when the game's on again, you've gotta move. I sat here on purpose for a good view, so make sure you move." Then turned to his partner and we could clearly hear him saying things like, "Fuckin' ridiculous they're standing right there during the game... I'm not going to let that happen... no fuckin' way" Um, a) it's half time. b) it's a bar and we're at the bar ordering drinks. c) WE KNOW. d) fuck off. He kept talking about us after we moved and she and I briefly thought about starting shit but you know, foreign country and all that. Luckily he was cheering for Liverpool and they got stomped in the second half to lose the game and we rejoiced. :)

Went to a weird, dark "Books" bar after that and we were almost the only people there. There were condoms in the bathroom and I took one as a joke to show Rob and Lizzy, but now it's still in my bag and freaks me out every time I reach for my Chapstick. We went back to their house afterwards and I kid you not, just watched Harry Styles videos. Turns out they both love him, especially Rob, which is so rich to me. He was like "this guy is just like coolness personified and he's so talented and he's weirdly attractive in kind of a feminine way but also masculine and he has such a nice voice and swagger...." you'd think I planted Rob to say this to me, but no. We watched the entirety of his Carpool Karaoke as I told them all of my favorite parts ("I was back middle." "Why am I always Julia Roberts??" "I cry in like, a cool way.") It's like when someone says to me, "you know, I'd love to know more about the meanings behind Taylor Swift's songs but I never learned, what are all of the albums about?" And I look around expecting that I'm being Punk'd. Parted ways with them and thanked them for everything and told them I was very grateful for our summer camp relationship. You know, the kind that is intensely strong, and very brief. I may never see them again and yet we spent 15 hours straight together on Wednesday and I had one of the best days ever. See you in another life, brotha.

A series of hiccups led to a very stressful morning on Thursday that I won't fully get into because my poor family already lived through it with me via WhatsApp... but it started with extreme random nausea, (the kind you have a serious internal talk with yourself about: "no. you are okay. take deep, slow breaths. do not throw up here. you are completely fine, this will pass. breathe. you're not sick. this is just random. you cannot throw up here.") and then I got on what was supposed to be a train from Prague to Nuremberg with a stop in Schwandorf, but there was a service interruption on the first leg and everyone knew but me. Probably because everyone speaks Czech and I, ya know, do not. BTW so far Czech is the least intuitive language I've ever come across. I could read an entire book in it and wouldn't be able to give you even the slightest context, like you can with French/Spanish/German. I know, romance languages and all that, but man I really underestimated how important it is to know some of the language when you're traveling through remote towns. I notice everyone in Plzen has gotten off the train and I think "well that's weird, but maybe they're all local commuters." A lady comes by and yells at me to get off, I say, "English?" She says, "NO. Bus." and shoos me off. In the panic I forget my suitcase from where I stored it - thank the heavens above, it was still there when I realized 15 minutes later and fought my way back on a closed train. I have such PTSD today and can't fathom what would have happened if the train had left. Imagine my suitcase just taking off on a train to the Czech countryside by itself. Zero percent chance I get that back. Work computer, my treasured leather jacket from Kathy that I swear I'd save in a fire, all of my toiletries and pills and prescriptions...ugh I can't even think about it.

No one spoke English except for a kind man at the info desk who spoke very little, and gave me directions ("directions" is a loose term here, I did a lot of critical thinking and problem solving to vaguely understand what I was supposed to be doing next) to take a bus in an hour that would take me to Stod, where I could then catch my train to Schwandorf and hopefully ultimately Nuremberg. After a series of mishaps and incredible uncertainty, eventually all of that happened. I walked into the hotel in Nuremberg and almost kissed the floor. I had big plans to wake up early and explore, but alas, I'm embarrassed to admit that all I did in Nuremberg was buy some wine/chocolate/gummy bears and stay in all night and sleep late this morning. Bodies need rest, y'all. My audiobook author would tell me that my body is in recovery mode after releasing an unnatural amount of adrenaline and cortisol. NEVERTHELESS SHE PERSISTED!

I'll be staying with rig friend Angie and her family in Paris, and seeing rig Aaron there too. He messaged me yesterday and said, "so do you want to see museums and such? Or I can show you my favorite brasseries?" I said, "I've been to Paris, I'd just like to day drink honestly." Luckily he is on board, shawoooooooo. Oddly there's no WiFi on this train like they said there would be, but it's not that bad because it's so smooth and comfortable and I still have my audiobook. Will post this blog sometime later when the WiFi shows up. Cross your fingers that I get the romantic countryside train ride I pined for. And happy weekend!!!

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carmenlire · 6 years ago

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Higher than the Big Trees Ch. 18

read chapter one

read on ao3

Have a good flight! I hope you don’t get stuck next to an awful stranger :)

Magnus can’t help but smile down at his phone as he sees Alec’s send off message. He’s in line for airport security and trying to drown out the three children screaming behind him.

Magnus loves traveling but sometimes it’s hard to maintain his usual good humor when he has wailing drowning out the chatter around him.

Especially when he hasn’t had his morning coffee yet.

His flight was slated for seven in the morning, which means he’d arrived at the airport at a dastardly five o’clock.

He’d woken up in the middle of the night, disoriented and more than a little pissed off. Thank God today wasn’t anything important on the conference agenda; otherwise he’d be fucked. While Magnus had grown used to waking up early, this was just ridiculous. He doesn’t know what had persuaded him to book a flight so early-- especially on a Monday-- but he hates past him with a vengeance right now.

He has a brief moment to wonder why the hell Alec is up before the birds but there’s no time to respond as he steps up, handing over his driver’s license and boarding pass to a bored looking TSA agent. He’s waved on and takes off his shoes and belt, throwing his items into a bin and waiting his turn to go through the security screening.

A few minutes later, he’s sliding his belt back through its loopholes, stepping into his shoes and gathering his belongs, looking desperately for the nearest coffee kiosk.

Thankfully, there’s a Starbucks on the way to his gate and there are only a few people waiting in line. Rolling his carry on beside him, he gets in line and takes out his phone.

Thank you, Alexander. So far it’s smooth sailing but I’m in desperate need of caffeine. Who the hell flies this early?

He spends a few moments on Twitter, liking a tweet from Alec about progress in the studio before reaching for today’s issue of The New York Times. He glances over the headlines before it’s his turn to order.

He orders a venti americano, extra shot, and pays for the newspaper. He’s just grabbing his cup, paper tucked under his arm, when his phone vibrates.

Early birds, Magnus. Some people like to get a jump start on the day.

Magnus scoffs.

He takes a minute to tuck his phone back into his pocket and places The Times in his briefcase before heading to his gate, pleased to see that there are only a handful of people seated across the area. He sits down and takes a fortifying drink, easing into the strong bitterness of the espresso.

He debates on what to do. Checking his watch, Magnus sees that he has forty minutes before the plane starts boarding. He can fuck around on his phone, read a few depressing articles, or--

He could talk to Alec.

Even though it’s just past 5:30, Alec is obviously awake and coherent.

With a mental shrug, Magnus swipes across Alec’s contact, brings the phone up to his ear as it starts to ring. He’s just thinking that it will go to voicemail when Alec’s voice, strangely breathless, sounds in his ear.

"Magnus?”

“Good morning, Alexander. What on earth are you doing up so early? It’s not even light outside yet?”

He feels warmth trail through him as Alec chuckles. “Jace dragged me from bed at five to go work out with him at Fuel.”

Magnus hums. “Fuel? Is that why you sound like you just finished sprinting a marathon?”

“Sorry, Jace owns a gym called Fuel. He usually gets here around five and today he decided I needed to, I don’t know, release some tension or some shit. We just finished racing a few miles around the track when you called.”

“What else is on the slate this morning? I’m sure your brother didn’t bring you there just to run.”

Laughing, Alec says, “Oh, no, you’re right about that. We’ll probably spend a couple of hours sparring and end it with weights. He’s weirdly obsessed with what I can bench press right now. He says I should’ve gone soft while I was out on tour.”

Under his breath he mutters, “As if.”

Magnus can’t help but think of Alec, sweaty, hair disheveled, skin flushed. Fuck.

He really shouldn’t be so preoccupied with imagining how exertion would sharpen Alec’s already flawless features. His mind flashes to his brief, but ogling, glimpse of Alec straight out of the shower over the weekend and he shifts in the hard airport chair, suddenly far too warm in the chilly space.

“Magnus?”

Magnus clears his throat, realizing that it’s been a few seconds since Alec finished talking.

“Sorry, darling, I spaced out a little. Mornings just aren’t my thing. It sounds like you have a busy few hours ahead of you, though. I didn’t know you were so into working out.”

He can hear the smile in Alec’s voice as he says, “What did you expect, that all I did was take shots and dance? Tour is grueling and I need to keep my endurance and stamina up-- concerts are really just two hour workouts and I need to keep in shape to deliver the best performance for my audience. Plus, I think exercise is a stress reliever. I regularly run to help keep my head clear and with a brother like Jace, there’s no way that I wouldn’t spend my fair share of time in the gym.”

“I’m not much for cardio but I drag myself to the gym a few times a week and practice yoga daily.”

Alec clears his throat. “Yoga?”

Magnus responds, a little distracted as he watches a mother walk with twin toddlers down the aisle, rushing to help one as it falls right on its butt and starts gearing up to cry. “Yes, I’ve maintained my yoga instructor certification for almost a decade now and it’s the first thing I do in the mornings. I haven’t taught a class in a few years though.”

There’s a beat of silence before Alec’s offering, “Maybe we can workout together sometime. It might be fun to train with someone who isn’t such a gym rat.”

Magnus hears an indignant yell in the background and bites back a laugh. “That sounds fun, darling. Name the time and place.”

Moving on, he asks, “You played sports in high school, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Alec confirms. “I played soccer in the fall and baseball in the spring. How’d you know?”

Magnus takes a few sips of his drink, blowing over the lid to cool it down a little. “I read your article for Out Magazine earlier this month.”

“I didn’t know you read about me.” Surprise tinges Alec’s voice and Magnus can’t help but laugh.

“Alec, we already established that not only are you a celebrity but I’m a fan of your music. I think it’s to be expected that I might’ve read the occasional article about you-- especially once we met.”

There’s a beat of silence before Magnus decides to add a little extra tidbit. “I follow you on social media, you know.”

It’s muted, but Magnus is almost certain that Alec squawks.

“What? Since when? I know I’m being ridiculous, but I feel like I should’ve known about this.”

Thinking Magnus, replies, “I’ve been into your music for awhile. A few years maybe? I just liked something of yours when I was in line at Starbucks, actually.”

Alec’s voice sounds far away as he asks, “What’s your Twitter handle?”

“Luckily, there aren’t too many people in the world named Magnus Bane so it’s just my name. Am I on speaker?”

Distractedly, Alec says, “Yeah, I had to get on Twitter and follow you. Is it the same for Instagram?”

Magnus hums in affirmation and there’s a few moments of silence as Alec does whatever he’s doing and Magnus relaxes against his seat and enjoys his coffee.

This is nice. It’s not an awkward silence, like they’re trying to fill it and it’s just not working. They don’t have anything to say and they’re both content to take a minute.

It’s rare that Magnus has found someone who’s okay with not filling every second of dead air. Rarer still is for it to feel okay, good, relaxing. Easy. It’s absurd, but there are no expectations with Alec. Magnus doesn’t have to be the life of the party, always ready with a quip and amusing story. It’s enough that he’s there on the other end of the line.

He might be tired and a little annoyed at everything, but Alec makes him smile, relieves tension that even the smoothest travelling unfurls.

Magnus likes being with Alec in the quiet.

Sounding pleased, Alec’s voice is clear in his ear as he asks, “What time is takeoff?”

“I have about twenty minutes until they call my zone.”

“Are you excited for the conference?”

“I am. It’s going to be a hectic four days but I’m looking forward to catching up with a few of my peers I only see at these sorts of things.” There’s a pause before he can’t help but sneer. “I’ll have to be careful to avoid one of them, though.”

“Don’t tell me you have another professional rivalry. I didn’t think academia was so cutthroat.”

Magnus hears the teasing tone and his own lips turn up. “You have no idea, Alec. Academia is just as mercenary as any other field-- maybe even more so. But, no, this particular avoidance is for an ex-girlfriend. It’s the only time I’ve ever mixed business and pleasure and let me tell you, it is not worth it.”

“Oh?”

Alec’s voice sounds off but Magnus chalks it up to a weird connection. “It was during my Oxford days. Camille and I were both PhD candidates and we had a whirlwind fling for a few months. It burned out soon enough, though, and after the initial attraction, I realized what a nightmare she was. It petered out soon after but there’s always been, shall we say, a hint of animosity between us. We usually play it off as professional rivalry but there are a few people who know the truth.”

“That’s rough, Magnus. I hope that you can avoid her and still enjoy the trip.”

Magnus laughs. “Don’t worry, darling, I’m made of sterner stuff than that and I stopped feeling anything towards her years ago. It’s just an inconvenience at this point. I think we’re on a panel together tomorrow and she has the nasty habit of speaking over other guests. Honestly, I don’t know how she earned her tenure at Dartmouth.”

Magnus and Alec talk for a few more minutes about his schedule before he hears his zone being called out over the speaker.

“I’m sorry Alec, but I’ve got to go. We’re finally boarding.”

“Alright, have a safe flight, Magnus, and good luck this week. I know you said this was a fun trip but it’s also work and I hope your presentations go well.”

Magnus can’t help the little smile that comes over him, warmth lighting him up. It’s such a small thing, but that little gesture of encouragement and hint of familiarity means a lot.

“Thank you, Alexander. I return from the UK Thursday night but I’m afraid until then I might be a little behind on responding to messages, especially since there’s such a time difference.”

Alec laughs and Magnus can imagine him waving a hand in dismissal. “Don’t worry about it. I know how it is when you’re away and get caught up in work. Have fun and I’ll see you when you get back.”

“Goodbye, Alec.”

Magnus hangs up and tucks the phone into his back pocket. He gathers up his briefcase and carry on and makes his way to the plane.

He’s in business class and by some miracle, the seat next to him remains empty. It’s a seven hour flight to London and Magnus settles into his seat, reaching for his phone and earbuds, drowning out the safety information.

He laughs a little to himself, deciding to listen to one of Alec’s albums. He presses shuffle next to his name and leans back, eyes closing.

He doesn’t mind flying and usually has enough work so that the flights go quickly in any case but he’s not in the mood to work on any of that right now.

His head is a little crowded with other things. With Alec.

There’s just something about him that Magnus can’t put his finger on. He’s not a stuck up, vapid celebrity. He’s generous and funny and sometimes he’s just a little bit awkward. That usually happens when he lets his guard down, when he reveals information that contrasts with the suave playboy image he's built up and Magnus loves it every time.

God Dammit, he’s adorable while still being hot enough to burn. There’s a man behind the reputation and Magnus is endlessly fascinated with him. They’ve only known each other weeks but it’s no exaggeration that Alec is the best part of his day. A text from him puts a smile on his face. The phone call just now distracted him from the damned early morning and the headaches that travelling always bring.

Hanging out with Alec-- Magnus firmly shuts down the part of his brain that wants to call those meetings dates-- is fun and comfortable and easy in a way that Magnus hasn’t experienced since college.

Magnus might be the life of the party, but he prefers to keep his real circle small. He has a handful of true friends and he likes it like that. Alec has wormed his way into things with an adeptness that has Magnus reeling.

Magnus might’ve liked Alec’s music and admired his stage persona, but he harbored no delusions that they were probably nothing more than a thin veneer on a spoiled child star. Alec had been in high school when he’d started his climb to fame and Magnus has seen enough celebrities, heard about them from Catarina, to know that most of them are lazy and selfish and debauched in a way that leaves a bad taste in most mouths.

But not Alec. This past month has let Magnus see that Alec is genuine in a way he couldn’t have guessed. Alec works hard to stay on top of things, he’s not infallible, and he’s kind. He's smart, can match Magnus wit for wit, and readily admits when he doesn't know something, listening intently as Magnus tells him or they look it up together.

He’s a real person and Magnus is a little surprised at that.

Distantly, he starts to think about the next stage. The stage that will never happen. As his thoughts turn, so does his mood.

Alec is the most interesting man Magnus has met in awhile. He likes the zoo and coffee that’s more sugar than caffeine. He loves his family to distraction and has a lovely sense of humor. He’s grounded and chivalrous.

He hasn’t told anyone, especially Raphael or Ragnor, but Magnus might be plagued lately with thoughts of more.

During the movie night Friday, Alec had been so damned comfortable against his side, a long line of warmth.

His commentary had been biting but hilarious and Magnus had had more fun than he'd had in ages. He’d gotten used to his friends refusing to watch the Twilight movies with him but having Alec over had brought a new layer of enjoyment to his semi-regular viewing marathons.

He really hadn’t meant to fall asleep with him, let alone wake up on top of Alec. When he’d first been waking up, he was helpless to do anything but nuzzle into the warmth under him, the soft t-shirt smelling like Alec, an irresistible scent only faintly touched by cologne.

Then he’d come to himself and realized that it wasn't his imagination or wishful thinking. He really was tangled with Alec on his couch. He’d frozen, waiting for Alec to slide out from under him or demand to know what he was doing.

Alexander had surprised him again when he’d gone with the flow, not questioning how they came to be pressed so close together.

Magnus had said the first thing that came to mind.

Well, not the first.

The first thing would have been how captivating Alec was in the mornings. His hair was a bird’s nest, stubble heavy on his jaw, sleep clinging to his lashes. He looked rumpled and soft and good enough to eat but Magnus had refrained from voicing any of those thoughts. Instead, he’d quipped something about looking less than impressive and Alec had given as good as he took as he remarked offhandedly about Magnus’s leftover makeup.

He’d cringed inside as he imagined how disheveled he must looked but he’d forced himself to let his shoulders fall back. It was just makeup and fuck knows that Magnus had looked much worse before. If he and Alec were truly friends it shouldn’t make a difference for them to see each other at less than their best.

He’d suggested breakfast, half expecting Alec to bolt at the first chance, remaining polite as always as he refused. To his surprise, Alec had readily agreed and the two of them had shared a lovely breakfast in the early July sunshine.

But not before Magnus had been treated to the sight of Alec’s beautifully sculpted chest, the dusting of hair over it sending his brain offline in the best way.

While he knew that Alec kept in shape, he couldn’t have predicted just how delicious the sight of him in nothing but a damp towel would be, that towel doing nothing to preserve his modesty.

Magnus had made a hasty yet dignified retreat, all the while thinking about just how much he wanted to get his hands on Alec.

When he’d come out of his bedroom and seen Alec reading against his bookcase, he’d felt warm and content.

He wanted Alec to feel comfortable in his space. He wanted him to feel welcome to explore or read or do anything else that struck his fancy.

It was purely wishful thinking if Magnus wanted for one of those things to be Alec pushing him against the nearest wall and kissing him senseless.

Magnus spent the rest of his weekend after Alec left catching up on work and errands. He’d made a trip to the dry cleaners, cleaned his loft and packed for his upcoming trip. A considerable chunk of Sunday had been spent grading papers and discussion posts, resulting in Magnus sending out a class wide email to his special topics class to clarify his expectations along with a reminder to all of his students about classes being cancelled this week.

He’d actually had a student respond to the email with Thank u god!!!!! at three in the morning. He’d huffed out a laugh in the Uber this morning as he’d seen it, rolling his eyes at their antics.

As the plane takes off and he feels the shudder as the wheels roll up and they begin their ascent to thirty five thousand feet, Magnus reflects that maybe it’s a good thing that he’ll be out of the country for almost a week.

He needs the perspective. He needs space away from Alec. While it’s true that he’ll have a great time over the next days, learning and teaching and catching up with friends he hasn’t seen in far too long, he’s also a little disappointed that Alec won’t be in the same city, that their messages will probably grow far and few between and phone calls will be nonexistent as his data is turned off for the duration of the trip.

He knows Alec only wants friendship and that there’s a million people who are lined up around Magnus for the shot of something more with Alec.

Magnus has a healthy ego and great confidence. He knows he’s a catch but he can’t help but worry that Alec sees him as nothing more than a friendly fan. Maybe the very fact that he’s admitted to enjoying Alec’s music for years and has followed him on social media for ages has automatically denigrated Magnus to a friendly face without the possibility for anything else.

He can’t blame Alec. Christ only knows what he’s had to put up with because of his celebrity. Magnus has heard horror stories through tabloids, through Cat, about the frankly terrifying number of people who are willing to use celebrities to reach their own ends.

Luckily Catarina had found Ragnor in college before she’d reached the level of fame she’s at now, but there have still been people over the years who had tried to befriend her only for it to turn out that they were only looking for an investor, bragging rights, or their own fifteen minutes in the spotlight.

Magnus thinks that it would be almost impossible for Alec not to be jaded, wary about new people.

No, Magnus knows that he’s solidly in the friend arena with Alec but that’s enough. Magnus thoroughly enjoys being Alec’s friend even if he wishes there was a possibility of a next step, a more intimate stage.

Magnus drifts off, his busy morning catching up to him, with Alec in his ears and in his mind.

#lol I broke up this chapter #because i got my word count and I wouldn't be able to write anything else for the rest of the day #httbt #my writing #my fic #malec fic #malec au #malec update

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