#and was the only one who always saw her as an actual person

[sturnsdarling]

gloves off

Hockeyplayer!Matt is on the ice, and a guy from the other team says something about his girl, so Matt deals with him

vibe check: based of this edit, violence, fighting descriptions, blood, fluff at the end, lowkey pick me vibes from reader but i don't actually care i love being cringe

1.7k words

A/N: I got a req for hockey matt and didn't see it until i saw that edit... I know some people don't like it but angry!matt makes my coochie tingle

love and cigs, merc

It was weekly occurrence, coming to watch Matt play hockey. Sometimes you were just watching him practice, others you were watching actual games. Today was the latter, his team was playing against the rival college, a game everyone had been waiting for for months.

They had spent weeks working their way up the leagues to finally get into the final stretch against each other, the school rivalry going back decades and either side being riddled with personal beef, some petty, some slightly more serious.

It was half way through the match, Matt had already been given multiple penalties for violent behaviour, slamming kids into the ice and barriers, sometimes because they deserved it, mostly because it was fun.

There was one specific kid on the other team, Josh Anderson, and Matt fucking hated him. They went through all of school together, playing hockey against each other since they could hold a stick. Anderson had always been bigger than Matt, until he had his growth spurt, and he made it his personal mission to make Matts life a living hell purely because he could. They hadn't played against each other in nearly three years, and Matt knew he had to come down hard on him.

They spent the whole first half of the game tormenting each other, pissing each other off in every way possible. Matt had already broken a stick, whacking his first one off the barrier after Anderson got him a penalty for something ridiculous. He was by the sidelines, standing with you as you taped his new stick for him, a tradition you had started even before you started dating.

"I'm gonna fuckin' bury him" Matt said, eyes trained on Anderson as he rubbed small circles on your arm.

You were taping the stick with green tape, your favourite colour, and just letting Matt rant, "he's irrelevant, my love, don't let him get under your skin" you cooed, knowing it would go in one ear and out the other.

"I dunno who he thinks he is, fuckin' pussy always coming after me like I wont break his jaw" Matt wasn't listening to you, but you didn't mind, you knew what he was like when he got in the zone for hockey, especially when he was pissed off.

You finished taping up his stick, scanning it with a satisfied hum and handing it to him, catching his attention. He looked to you with a clenched jaw that relaxed the moment he looked in your soft eyes.

"thanks, baby" Matt smiled, leaning over the barriers slightly to kiss you before pulling his helmet over his head properly and putting in his mouth guard.

He pushed away, skating across the ice to take his place, waiting for the second half buzzer to go off. As it did, he pointed to you, followed by a double tap on his chest plate, one for every year you'd been together.

The game began, and they didn't hold back at all. Matt was angrier than ever, and knowing that only made Anderson more eager to piss him off. They played for about ten minutes before the score shifted in the other teams favour. Anderson skated across the ice, celebrating a goal he didn't even score and b-lined for Matt, skating past him and maintaining eye contact through their helmets.

"Yo, Sturniolo, when we win, tell your girl I want her on her knees for me in the locker rooms as my trophy" Anderson said, his tone smug as a sly grin formed on his face.

A hot rage flooded through Matt, every once of anger boiling to the surface as he watched Anderson skate around him, taunting him to do something. His jaw clenched tight, and he saw red.

Matt threw his stick on the ice, bounding over to Anderson and pushing him backwards, sending him flying back onto the ice. Everyone in the stadium gasped in sync, and you immediately stood to your feet.

"you wanna say shit about my girl? huh? say it again, I fuckin' dare you" Matt spat, pulling out his mouth guard and standing over Anderson on the ice.

Anderson just laughed, pushing himself to his feet and pulling his mouth guard out.

"still that same angry little kid, aren't you Sturniolo?" He grinned, pressing his tongue to his teeth.

"yeah, I am, and you're still the same fuckin' loser you were back then, so come on, Anderson, say something about my girl again" Matt said, squaring up to the boy, who was once double his height, that he was now eye to eye with.

Everyone in the stadium had stopped, time standing still as the whole room watched the disaster in front of them unfold, not even the ref was getting involved, knowing from the events of the first half that the boys clearly had something to sort out.

"ion' want your bum ass girl, Sturns, she's probably been passed around the whole team" Anderson chuckled, looking to the boys all standing round in anticipation.

That was all it took, before Anderson could look back, Matts gloves were off, and his fist was connected with the plastic of Andersons helmet, sending it flying across the ice as Matts knuckles connected with Andersons jaw.

Matt sent him flying onto the ice, crawling on top of him and pummelling into him relentlessly. The whole room erupted, people screaming to get Matt off him, Matts team cheering him on and Andersons team berating the ref for not stopping it. No one even tried to get involved, all slightly terrified by the sight of Matt denting the ice with the back of Andersons skull. You on the other hand, were begging security to let you on the ice, moving in a flash the moment you saw Matt take his gloves off

Matt was relentless, and Anderson was just as bad, hitting Matt back the best he could. There was a split second where Anderson was on top of Matt, laying into him and cracking the plastic face shield off the bridge of his nose. Matt simply smiled with blood covered teeth, just before cocking his head forward, head butting Anderson with the plastic of his helmet, and the next thing you knew, Matt was back on top of him, punching him over and over again.

You finally got onto the ice, struggling to walk straight as you screamed Matts name over and over again. He couldn't hear you, he was in a world of his own, laying into the nearly unconscious boy beneath him.

"Matt!" You screamed, grabbing his arm as he raised it once more to hit Anderson with a final blow.

Your touch brought Matt back to reality, his attention snapping to you immediately. His eyes were bloodshot, a bruise already forming on his definitely broken nose as bright red blood began to dry on the lower half of his face. The look of pleading on your face, the tears pricking in your eyes and your grip on Matts wrist, made all the muscles in his body relax.

"stop, please" you said, softly.

Matt looked up at you, brows flinching slightly before he looked down to Andersons groaning, stuttering body on the ice, and then back to you. You lowered your head slightly, looking at Matt through your lashes with pleading eyes. He couldn't help but crumble, getting up off the ice and near enough melting into your arms.

Your hands round his shoulders, his arms round your waist and head buried in your neck, you just stood their on the ice for what felt like forever, rubbing Matts back with slow touches as everyone began to tend to Anderson.

"lets go, yeah?" you muttered to Matt, and he nodded into your neck.

In the locker rooms,

Matt sat on the bench opposite you, his broken helmet next to him as you perched on the bench, patting the blood from his face with a damp, warm towel. He hissed with every touch, and you apologised softly nearly every time.

"that was really fucking stupid, Matt" You said, looking at his bloodied features intently.

Matt sighed, "I know" He scanned over your face as you gently cared for him.

"you could get kicked from the team" You said, shaking your head slightly

Matt hissed as you brushed his bruised and blooded nose with the towel, "I know" he repeated.

"so then why did you do it?" You asked, only a small once of judgement in your tone.

"he said shit about you" Matt admitted

You stopped your movements, pulling your eyes from Matts nose to lock eyes with him. He was already looking at you, eyes sad like a puppy. You sighed, shaking your head as an uncontrollable half smile formed on your face.

Matts bloodied hand came to your jaw, cupping your cheek in his big hand as his thumb rubbed the soft skin there.

"he started speaking about you, and - and I just lost it" Matt said, his tone soft.

You leaned into his touch, brows furrowed slightly as your eyes poured into his bright blue ones, flitting between them.

"the kid has basically bullied me my whole life, and now I'm finally just as big as he is, I jus-" Matt sighed, "I needed a reason to batter him, and he gave me one"

"me?" you questioned with tight knit brows

Matt nodded, pressing his thumb into your skin with more pressure, "you're the most important thing in my life, more than any stupid place on the team or petty childhood beef, n' I can handle him comin' for me, I don't give a fuck, but he came for you and-" frustrated tears started to form in his eyes, so he stopped talking.

You practically melted at the sight, pressing a long kiss into Matts palm,

"I love you" you said, softly.

Matt smiled slightly, despite the pain it caused him and brought your head to his lips, pressing a short kiss onto your forehead.

"I love you more" Matt replied.

Normally, you would have gotten into a twenty minute long back and forth about who loved who more, but today, Matt had earned rights to that title, and even though the way he handled the situation wasn't ideal, at least you knew you never had to doubt his love for you.

taglist: @sturniozalt@mattslolita@shaquilles-0atmeal@blahbel668@sleepysturniolo@le4hsblog @sarosfilms @joemamaaa42069 @2muchofaslvt @seluky10 @cherib3lla @jetaimevous @witchofthehour @sofieeeeex @ncm9696 @lovesturni0l0s @pepsicola-pussy

[aurumalatus]

𝐩𝐢𝐱𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬!𝐚𝐮 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝟏

pairing. kinich x fem!reader

genre/warnings. pixelprincess!au (princess!reader x knight!kinich), reposted for formatting lol

summary. a series of random headcanons from the universe! part 1 of many because i have lots of thoughts about these two

author's note. feel free to come scream about some more headcanons with me <3 enjoy!

𝐩𝐢𝐱𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬!𝐚𝐮 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

kinich and the princess have known about each other for a long time, but it’s only recently that they’ve really talked a lot and become close (since kinich became your guard)

kinich is a bit more open in this universe because although he grew up an orphan, he was recruited into the guard earlier and taken care of by his fellow trainees and the castle staff. he’s still pretty serious and deadpan at his core but he has a bit of silly in him too 

the maids especially used to dote on him a lot. they would coo about how beautiful his eyes are and sneak him cakes and sweets from the kitchen

kinich and the princess actually had one key interaction when they were children that she doesn’t remember

the princess came down with a bad illness and had to stay in her room for about a week. kinich was assigned guard right outside her room, but she never saw him. still, they used to talk a lot during that week through her door, and she never quite figured out who her temporary friend was.

princess used to be *very* spoiled and she knows this. kinich is one of the only people who knocks her down a peg, and he also taught her how to do a lot of practical things (i.e. cleaning, cooking, weaving) 

kinich takes his shirt off by grabbing the back of his collar and pulling it over his head (idk if i’m describing this well, but the image in my head is INSANE). 

once they actually get together, kinich is the type to kiss the princess’s tears away when she cries (i’m going to scream)

kinich secretly has always known he loved the princess in some capacity, maybe since the day he was inducted as her guard (he looked up into her eyes, knelt before her, and felt something burst in his chest). he doesn’t feel like he deserves her love in return and feels so committed to his duty that he won’t do anything about it.

kinich isn’t afraid of dying, but he’s afraid of leaving the princess alone. it’s the reason why he insists on teaching her so many practical things like fighting—he doesn’t trust anyone else to protect her like he can.

there’s a yearly tournament among the guards (and any citizens that want to enter) that is held to win the royals’ favor. kinich is required to participate due to his position, but he tries a lot harder than he lets on—something about letting another guard win kind of irritates him. he wins your ribbon as a prize, a sign of your personal favor, and keeps it on him at all times. he claims it’s just to prove that you owe him.

kinich is a TERROR in the capital marketplace. sellers love him and hate him—he’s fair, but he barters like HELL. you, on the other hand, are any easy target. you will pay pretty much any price they name, and this irritates kinich greatly.

kinich is in charge of training newer recruits to the guard, and older members will warn them not to mention the princess in front of him. last time someone said something disrespectful about her, kinich had them running laps until the sun came up.

most mornings, kinich trains at sunrise. the princess will come out to join him sometimes, either to just lay down in the grass and talk, or to bring out a picnic

many princesses from other nations are attracted to kinich, but he does not return the sentiment—whenever one tries to talk to him, he acts extremely dry and boring on purpose until they lose interest.

kinich has a lot of piercings, but they're not always optimal to fight in—on days when he expects a battle, he wears a pair of studs that the princess gifted him

the castle maids have a running bet on how long it will take you and kinich to get married. sometimes they try to push it along by telling kinich you're looking for him when you aren't, just to pull the two of you together. the pot is over one million Mora, and at some point, the queen joins as well.

[unequivocallyreid]

Why Didn’t You Tell Me?

it has been SO long... i was suffering from serious writers block but it think i'm finally out of it :)

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader

summary: Spencer Reid used to be your best friend, but things changed. How long can you pretend that you don't love him before it ruins you?

warnings: angst! (with a happy ending), smut (unprotected piv), character loss, mention of Maeve, very sad Spencer, mental health struggles, light choking, fighting, slight praise kink

wc: 8.8k 🤗

i’m very proud of this one! i hope you love it!

Every morning when you wake up, you feel a familiar and creeping sort of dread in the pit of your stomach.

Don’t get the wrong idea; you love your job. You love helping people and stopping horrible people from ruining any more lives, but the creeping feeling and desire to get out is always in the corner of your mind. Anyone working in this field would tell you that. There’s no absolute separation between you and the victims and their families. You take all of them home with you, and you just have to learn how to deal with that and not let it eat at you.

It doesn’t help that it’s an isolating job as well. The last time you were in a serious relationship was in college. Now, every date you have ends in disappointment. Not only do you lack interest in most of the men and women, but it couldn’t go anywhere even if you did. 75% of your time is spent in the office, on a jet, or hundreds of miles away from your home.

All of this contributes to the feeling, but the worst part of your job is Dr. Spencer Reid.

He’s secretive and dismissive and just about the most attractive person you’d ever seen. You honestly don’t know what is worse: his constant physical presence in your life or the fact that you can’t stop thinking about him no matter what you do. You’ve tried to get over it; you’ve buried yourself in work, lamented to your friends, and gone out on dates (all with guys that looked vaguely similar), but nothing has worked. All his worst traits grate your nerves and light you up at the same time.

The worst part of it all is that it wasn’t always like this. When you first joined the BAU nearly two years ago, you and Spencer got along well. You were friends, he talked to you about his life, he understood you, and you really severely fell for him. He became your best friend.

Everything changed around six months ago. Spencer started to develop migraines, and as those developed, he started distancing himself from you. He became snippy and closed off, he started hiding things from you, and he stopped talking to you about life outside of Quantico. It was like overnight, you became nothing to him, and you really didn’t understand. Everyone else on the team got the same old Spencer, but you went from his right-hand man to someone he only spoke to when it was necessary.

Maybe he didn’t deserve to be vilified. You know, realistically, he can and should be able to decide who he wants to be close to, but working with a man who unknowingly broke your heart was close to the hardest thing you’d ever done. So, you decided hating him was easier. The real emotions you feel toward him sit somewhere inside you, but they have been covered by manufactured distaste. Addressing the actual feeling would hurt too bad, so you pretend to hate the things you used to love.

Nothing, however, could have prepared you for the last case you worked on: helping Spencer save a girl he met about six months ago, a girl he loved. You tried to stay collected, you said nothing when Spencer assisted when he shouldn’t have, and goddamn, did you do everything in your power to find that girl. Maeve. She was perfect for Spencer, and you saw that immediately. Everyone did. The sight of him sobbing in front of her body is one that will never leave your mind.

Now, two weeks later, no one has heard from Reid. The only indication that he hasn’t abandoned his life altogether is the absence of the gift baskets on his doorstep that Pen leaves daily.

Nearly everyone has been to his apartment, but they are met with a closed door and have yet to receive a response. Everyone but you.

Penelope is the first to bring up your lack of appearance at the end of a long day of paperwork.

“Y/n, please, you just have to try. No one is getting anything from him.”

“I really don’t think my presence would do any good,” you pause for a moment, trying to collect the thoughts running through your head like a freight train. “Me and him haven’t been close in a long time, Pen.”

Before you can continue, she cuts in, “Everyone has tried, Y/n. Hell, I’ve even considered tracking down Gideon, and I really, really do not want to do that.”

She pauses for a moment before looking up at you with a pout on her face, “Please, Y/n, for me. I can’t bear the thought of him in there all alone, just wasting away in grief.”

For someone who claims not to be a profiler, Penelope knew exactly what to say to get you to agree. She’s the only person in your life who you told about how you felt, though you’re sure everyone else (aside from Spencer) knew: you’re shit at keeping secrets.

“Okay, okay, I’ll try.”

She nearly bursts with excitement, “Thank God-“

You cut her off before she can finish, “But I’m telling you, I’m not the person he wants to hear from right now. Don’t get your hopes up.”

“Yes, yes. I just want him to know we all want him to be okay.”

Before you can hurry out of the office to follow Pen’s instructions, she stops you and hands you a basket full of assorted snacks and fruits.

“Make sure he eats!”

The walk up to Spencer’s apartment is a hard one to take. The smell of his building hits you as soon as you step into the lobby. From there, everything rushes back at once. Memories of nights you spent watching reruns of Doctor Who or listening to him prattle off about whatever he last read assault you with every step. As you slowly make your way up, you start to question why you agreed to do this in the first place.

You feel a lot toward Reid. More than you should and less than you could. But all that care and feelings that are so close to love aren’t enough to make you forget why you’ve been trying to hate him for so long. He deserted you without an explanation and cut you off without a warning. You spent weeks (three months) crying over him like a love-struck teen. So, as much as you want to hold him and comfort him, you know it’ll hurt you to do so. Penelope sent you, with the whole team’s approval, you’re sure, to try to patch up a broken heart he got loving someone else. There’s a sickness in your gut, but it’s not enough to stop you from rapping your knuckles against his door.

“Spencer? It’s Y/n.”

There’s no response.

“I know you probably don’t want to hear from me right now, but I want to make sure you’re alright. Can you tell me you’re alright?”

Again, nothing.

You know he’s there. Despite your lack of communication, you know Spencer well enough to know that he would never leave his life behind entirely. That being said, your next few attempts at garnering a response are unsuccessful.

You decide to try one final time before just leaving the basket alone on his doorstep and texting Pen it was a bust.

“There’s a lot I don’t know about you now, and I won’t pretend to know what you’re feeling.”

You don’t exactly know where this is headed, but you continue on regardless.

“I know you’re in there, and I know you can hear me, and I know you’re hurting. You shouldn’t- I don’t want you to be alone right now, Spence. You can either unlock your door, or I can pick it, but I’m coming in one way or the other. You know I will.”

You wouldn’t, actually. It’s a last-ditch effort, and it’s met with the same silence you’ve heard on the other side for the past ten minutes. You’re about to turn to head back down the stairs when you hear the very faint sound of a deadbolt turning.

There’s no other sound or movement, and for a moment, you think you might’ve imagined the sound, but you try the handle anyway. It turns, and the door slides open. You take a step in.

“Spencer,” you call out to him.

You don’t see him at first in the mess of his apartment, but when you do, you feel a crack form in your heart.

Beyond the clutter of his entryway, you see his back on the couch. His frame looks smaller than you’ve ever seen it, and you can see his legs curled into his chest. You set down the gift basket by a collection of others on the entry table and walk over to him. Slowly, like you’re trying not to spook a lost dog, you creep in front of him.

His head is down, and his gaze stays trained on his knees.

You reach out your hand and lay it over his. He flinches but doesn’t pull away.

“Spence, I’m so glad you opened the door.”

You didn’t plan out what you would say, but ‘sorry’ feels redundant and useless.

You go on, “I’m here. I- I don’t know what to do or say, and I’m sorry that I don’t. I can get someone else for you. Just tell me what you need, and I’ll do it.”

You wait for him to say he wants Penelope or JJ, but it doesn’t come. Nothing comes. You start to move to get up, figuring you could clean up a bit and try to make him something to eat, then go, but he grasps your arm before you can.

He looks up at you, and his eyes hit you right in the gut. They’re bloodshot and sunken but still beautiful.

“Stay. Please. I just- I need to know I’m not dreaming. I keep thinking I’m dreaming.”

His voice is croaky from disuse and breaks at the end, but it’s so heartbreakingly earnest that you feel your breath catch. You move from your crouch and sit beside him on the couch; your hand is still in his.

You stay like that for a long time. His breathing is shakey and uneven, and every so often, his body shakes with what you can only assume are sobs. You stay pressed to his side the whole time, thumb rubbing back and forth over his hand.

Eventually, you speak again, “I’m gonna get you some food, Spence. You should eat.”

He says nothing back, but he does loosen his grip. You push yourself up from the coach with a promise you’ll be as fast as possible.

His kitchen is nearly empty, and you hope he’s been eating from the baskets. Still, you find enough to make noodles and butter, and you figure the carbs should help his energy some.

You return with the bowl. Spencer hasn’t moved, but his head follows you as you walk back over to him.

“It’s not fine dining.”

He studied you for a second, and you catch a glimpse of the old him in his eye.

“You did the same thing when I was sick on a case a year ago.”

You smile at his recollection.

“It helped you then.”

The rest of the night is spent mostly in silence. Occasionally, you tell him something to try to remind him that you’re there and that you won’t leave as long as he wants you there. Eventually, you get up from the couch again.

“Spencer, it’s too late to still be awake.”

He nods and still says nothing, but he is far more receptive than before. You reach your hand out to him to help him up from the couch, and he takes it.

He leads you to his room at a slow pace. His head stays down as you both take a seat on his bed, hands still interlocked. Being in his bedroom is odd for you. You’ve been to his apartment quite a few times before he disappeared from your life, but you never breached this space. It’s all very him. Almost surprisingly cozy, with books scattered around nearly everywhere there’s space.

You take in the moment for a beat before saying, “I’m gonna head home, Spencer, but please call me if you need anything at all. I’ll come back tomorrow.”

This makes his head snap up, and his eyes lock with yours.

“Please stay.”

That’s all he says, but every part of him is pleading with you. It’s not a good idea, and you know it. You’re the only person he’s seen in days, you aren’t close anymore, and you don’t particularly want to sleep on a couch tonight.

“Spencer, I don’t want to sleep in your living room tonight. I’ll come back.”

He pauses for a moment, “You can stay here with me. I don’t want to be alone.”

Your heart cracks again. There was a time when this was all you wanted. It’s still, deep down, all you want, just not like this. You know he doesn’t really want you there and he’s not himself. But you aren’t strong enough to say no, so you don’t.

He gets you clothes to wear, and you change in his bathroom. You come out and find him in his bed, laying with his back to you. You have no fucking idea what you’re doing, but you get into bed next to him anyways. There are a thousand thoughts racing through your head, but the prevailing one is how badly you want to touch him, to hold him, to make him forget, just for the night. You stay still, though, confined to the edge of the bed and start to count to drown out the noise.

Though, you can’t drown out his voice, saying, “Can- Could you hold me? I think that everything feels better when you touch me.”

Another crack. By the end of this, you know Spencer Reid is going to break your heart all over again.

~

When you wake up the next morning, Spencer is still asleep. You sneak out of his room and call Hotch. When he answers, you tell him Spencer has let you in, and you ask for time off to try to help. You can tell from his voice that he doesn’t think it’s a good idea, but he grants you it anyway.

Much of your day is spent like the night before. You stay next to Spencer, and you cook for him after leaving to pick up clothes and groceries. Then, you get him to shower and wash his hair. He sleeps with his head in your lap, and you feel like a fucking idiot at first, but as long as it’s helping him in some way, you let it happen.

That’s the thing: you don’t really know how to help him. You know he isn’t the type to talk about something until he is entirely ready, so all you can do is add something domestic and bright to his life while he grieves. It’s all you can think about in the moments of silence. Hell, you even read to him to try and get your mind off of it, but it barely helps.

The night is the same. You change in different rooms and slip into his bed at different times. You feel dirty for imagining what it would be like if the circumstances were different: if he wanted you like you have wanted him for the past two years. You hold him against you, and you pray for sign that you should be there.

The sign comes the following morning when Derek calls you.

“Y/n…”

You can hear his teasing tone over the phone.

“Hi, Derek.”

“What are you doing, mamas?”

You sigh, “What do you mean?”

You’re playing coy. You know he’s wondering why you’re at Spencer’s house, picking up the pieces, but you won’t be the one to bring it up.

“Why’d you ask Hotch for the week off, Y/n?”

Another sigh, “You know why, Derek. I just, I want to help him.”

“I know you do, Y/n, I know.”

He pauses for a moment, and you let the moment fill with silence.

“I know you care about him. We all care about him. But who is taking care of you?”

“I am. I can take care of him, and I can take care of me.”

“I know you can, but I don’t want you to get hurt, Y/n. Don’t let this be something that hurts you.”

“It won’t. I- You have to- Fuck, I’ll be fine. He’s not fine. I don’t care about me or any feelings that may get hurt right now. I’ll be fine.”

There’s another bear of silence, “Okay, Y/n. Just know you’re allowed to tap out.”

You try to think of anything else to say, but nothing comes, so you say your goodbyes.

You won’t need to tap out. You can take care of him and be good to him and ignore the other feelings you have. You can be good.

The call does make you think it’s time to push, to try harder, to help him get better. So, you approach him that day before bed, before he tucks himself into your arms and falls into a fretful sleep.

“Spencer?”

He takes a moment and then responds, “Yes?”

“You have to talk about it. I think that you need to talk about it. It doesn’t have to be to me but to someone.”

He’s quiet for a long time, and your breath is caught in your throat, waiting for him to say anything.

“I- I don’t want to,” his voice cracks while he says it.

“Spence, you can’t come back if you don’t. You can’t move forward if you don’t.”

“Maybe I don’t want to.”

A ringing echos in your ears.

“You don’t mean that. She- she would want you to keep going.”

Wrong thing to say.

“You don’t know anything about what she would want.”

He’s seething now, below the surface, but smoke has started to plume from his ears. Still, you don’t stop.

“Spencer, everyone knows that. No one would want you to put your life on hold.”

He speaks his next line through his teeth, “You don’t know anything, Y/n.”

You’ve never heard him sound so angry.

“Spencer-“

“No, just stop. You don’t know her. You don’t know me half as well as you think you do. You don’t know anything. I don’t even know why you’re here. I don’t want you here. You can't be what I need.”

The ringing in your ears is louder.

“Spencer, please. Just-“

“No!” His voice is raised now, bordering on a yell, “I don’t want you here. I want you out, Y/n.”

This has to be what shell shock feels like. The ringing, the tingle in your limbs, and the heat in your face. You don’t know how you are moving, but you are.

His voice is echoing in your head, or maybe he’s still talking, but you can’t tell either way. The only thing you can focus on is how Spencer sounded like he hates you and that Morgan was right about the hurt.

~

You spend the next day trying desperately to shut down the noise in your head. It doesn’t work. The day after is the same. And the days following that. You ignore calls when they come, you ignore the texts, but you can’t stop looking at your phone for a message from the man who fills your thoughts.

Spencer doesn’t call, obviously, and you have to sit with a pit in your stomach while you beg yourself to just get the fuck over it. Two years of reckoning with the severity of your love, months of watching him live happily without you, and it’s the three days you spent trying to help him feel incrementally better that floor you.

You feel like a dumb teenage girl with so much love and nothing to do with it. On top of everything, you feel selfish. Spencer lost the love of his life forever, and you’re nursing the worst heartbreak of your life because a boy will never want you and never has. Still, you send out prayers for him over and over. You hope you’ll see him in the BAU again, even if his eyes glaze over you. Hell, even if they look at you with hate the way they did two days ago. You just want him to function. You want him to be good and eventually be happy. You try to go to bed with soothing thoughts, but you end up with a mantra of his name.

You wake to your alarm and dress for work before you realize you aren’t actually supposed to go back yet. You never set a date to return. You wanted to be open as long as Spencer needed you. You’re supposed to be with him. You’re supposed to be helping and not tapping out. But you aren’t.

You have no reason not to return to the bullpen, so you do. You walk in and feel eyes on you. You wait for Morgan to call out to you, but he doesn’t, so you follow the feeling.

Your breath catches in your throat; it’s Spencer. He’s sitting at his desk, paperwork spread out, and he doesn’t look away from your gaze; he just holds it. His face is unreadable, and yours is definitely not, so you look away first. You don’t look up again until you reach Hotch’s office. You knock and hear him call out to come in.

“I’m back if that’s okay.”

He looks up at you, and you want to cry. You know he can read you. He has always been the best at it.

“Are you okay with that, Y/l/n?”

You lock eyes with him, “Yes, sir.”

It’s no use; he knows your tells and you aren’t being honest.

“Alright, conference room in five.”

Whatever he sees in your face, he ignores and takes you at your word, but there’s a warning in his tone. He knows when to let things go and when to push. More than that, though, he knows you’d never let something like this affect your work.

~

The first case back is in Maryland, and the one after is in Austin, and the next is in Philadelphia with The Replicator. The job takes you all over the country, and the cases blend together. You don’t speak to Spencer through all of it. You’re never partnered, never work together, you sit on opposite ends of the jet. You don’t even speak at Strauss’ funeral. It’s radio silent, and everyone notices it, but no one brings it up.

In that time, you allow yourself to slip away slightly. You don’t go out with the team, you see Pen at nearly half frequency, and basically, the only time you speak is on cases. It’s stupid and melodramatic, but you call it healing. Derek tries to reason with you, JJ sticks to you a bit more than usual, and Penelope calls you virtually whenever she can, but their efforts are mostly in vain. This is your way of protecting yourself. You feel like you have to isolate in order to improve, and you know, given time, you will come back to yourself.

Penelope’s insistence that you go to her Day of the Dead celebration breaks your distance.

“Y/n, please come. I know you aren’t going out, but you have to. I know you have people to honor, and I need you there.”

You sigh, “Whose going, Pen?”

“The team, which you are a part of, so you must be there.”

“I don’t think I can do that. I promise you I will celebrate with you. I’ll help you set up, just please don’t make me go.”

Penelope pauses, but the glint in her eye keys you into the fact that she is not interested in giving up.

“We miss you, Y/n. Everyone loves you and misses you. You’ve been living this stupid, isolated life, and it’s time for you to come back. You are not this person. I refuse to believe it. You’re coming, and that’s final.”

Maybe you don’t have the energy to argue, or maybe you know she’s right, but you agree to go.

~

The thought of seeing him makes your heart race, and the clock you keep glancing at makes it worse. Just a few more hours before you're trapped in a confined space (Pen’s beautiful home) with a man you haven’t spoken to in weeks.

You busy yourself with preparing. Lights are hung, food is made, and you make a trip to the store while Pen sets up her remembrance table. When everything is said and done, you can’t help but feel this is the most beautiful thing you’ve been a part of in a long time.

The first knock comes at 7:30 exactly, and it’s Hotch and Rossi. They are followed closely by Blake, then Derek and JJ. By 7:00, the atmosphere is light and loving, and you feel a bit of your anxiety let up as the minutes go by without Reid. But, eventually, the knock comes, of course it does, and you move into a corner as Spencer walks in. You feel a shift in energy, though you doubt it’s palpable for anyone else. Rossi is the first to make his way over to you, and his presence comforts you nearly immediately.

“How you doing, kid?” His voice is soft like he’s speaking to a scared rabbit.

“I’m better,” you say, and it’s about as honest as you can get. As much as you’d like to think he knows nothing about what’s gone on, you’re smarter than that. He’s the best profiler on the team, and he’s always known when someone was off with you. Even so, you are better than you were, even if you aren’t quite good, and you know he believes you.

There’s some idle conversation between you before he asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not tonight. I don’t know when, but I will. Eventually, I will.”

It’s good enough for him, and you move on easily, which surprises you.

Right before Pen gathers you all to present your photos, he says, “Sometimes we think we’ve seen the whole picture, but we miss a big part. People do things because they don’t want to be hurt, but those things hurt them more. Just, be open.”

You don’t quite understand what he means, but you hope you will.

Penelope presents the first picture, which shows her parents. JJ honors her sister, Derek, his dad, Hotch Haley, and Rossi, Hernandez; then it’s your turn. You place down a photo of your best friend. You hadn’t talked much about her, but you think of her daily. She passed a few years before you joined the BAU.

“I was lucky to have someone that hurt that much to lose.”

That’s all you say, but it’s enough for you, and it would be enough for her.

Spencer is last. He places down a picture of Tesla and a picture of Maeve. Your heart is heavy for everyone.

The night dwindles from there. Hotch and Rossi say their goodbyes, and Rossi gives you a knowing look as he leaves. You just smile. You stay for a few minutes after, but eventually, you move to leave as well.

You make it down Garcia’s porch before you feel a hand grab your arm. You turn, and it’s Spencer’s face you see.

“Would you- Do you think you could come over? Do you think we could talk?”

~

The feeling you have walking up to Spencer's apartment is similar to what you felt the last time. You’re incredibly anxious, but at least you know you’ll be let in this time.

The drive over was silent. Spencer had taken the metro to Penelope’s, so he rode with you. It wasn’t necessarily awkward. There was just an understanding that the car wasn’t the place to begin your conversation.

Now, as Spencer unlocked his door, it’s one of those rare moments you felt starved for words, and you know it’s because you’re scared you’ll say the wrong thing and face the same reaction that you did the last time you were in his home.

He leads you to his living room and motions for you to sit, and you do. The two of you are on opposite ends of his couch while you wait for him to say something.

His first words are airy and light, “Thank you for letting me talk to you.”

You look at him but remain silent, waiting for him to go on. All you can think about is why he wants to speak to you at all. The last time you spoke, he made it incredibly clear he did not want you in his life or around him at all.

Before you can think about it more and let your anger and sadness build, he speaks again, “I feel really stupid right now. I kind of feel stupid whenever I’m around you recently.”

He pauses momentarily before going on, “I’m so, so sorry, Y/n. About the last time we spoke. I’ve been thinking about it pretty constantly for the past few weeks.”

You open your mouth, unsure of what exactly to say, but you can’t get there before he’s off again.

“I’m not sure how to talk to you anymore. I don’t think I’ve known how to for a long time. I just, I need you to know how sorry I am for speaking to you like that.”

He takes a shakey breath but keeps going, “That wasn’t me, and that isn’t how I feel. I’m just unbelievably sorry, Y/n.”

He stops there, and you work to collect your thoughts.

“I know. A part of me knows, at least, that you didn’t mean it. I just wanted to be there for you, and hearing that made me- I just- I think it made me hate myself for wanting to be there.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m unbelievably sorry.”

“You didn’t talk to me for months, Spencer. I just don’t understand. I don’t understand why you let me in in the first place. I thought you hated me.”

He’s silent for a long minute.

“I never hated you, Y/n. I just stopped knowing how to act around you, and then I met Maeve. I fell so deep into it that I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I- And I just started to feel like you didn’t want me to speak to you, so I didn’t. But, when you came here, after everything, I guess I just felt like you were the only person who would get it. You never, no one on the team ever treated me or talked to me how you did. I just wanted that.”

Tears had begun to well in your eyes now. A part of you gets what he means, at least about letting you in, but the other part is so confused as to why he stopped being comfortable around you.

“I don’t understand, Spencer. Why did you stop knowing how to be around me?”

There’s desperation in your voice that makes you sound like a stranger to yourself. Maybe you’re a stranger to everyone right now.

“I uh, I don’t really know.”

“That's not fair, Spence.”

You’re crying now. Just a little bit, but you can feel the wetness on your cheeks. You can see that you are by the look on his face. He looks broken, and you know it's a reflection of your own image.

You wipe your face, “Thank you for apologizing, Spencer. I just, there are parts of this all that I don’t understand, and if you can't explain them to me, I don’t think I ever will.”

“Y/n-,” he calls out your name like a prayer.

“It’s okay, Spence. You don’t have to say anything more. We talked, and things will go back to how they were eventually.”

“I’m so sorry, Y/n.”

You smile sadly as you get up to leave.

“I am, too, for what it's worth. For whatever I did to make things change in the first place.”

You leave it at that, and it takes everything in you not to look back as you leave his apartment.

~

Things do get easier after that. Not completely. You still love him, and it hurts, but it helps to know he doesn’t hate you. He talks to you some, cordial things, and you do the same. You're sure your teammates still sense something is off, but this works for you. Right now, it works. Getting over him, not loving him anymore, is going to take work, but eventually, you know that you won’t hurt anymore.

Shortly after you and him talked, you started going back out with your friends. Spencer joined periodically, but that was normal. Bars were never really his scene.

Tonight, everyone gathers at your local pub. Your last case was particularly grueling, and you all need a way to blow off some steam. It's fun, and you feel good, even with Spencer sitting across from you. You feel proud of yourself for getting to this point.

JJ and Penelope feed you drinks to try and get you to dance, and you let them. Tonight feels as good of a night as any to ‘get back out there’ as Pen says. So, you do. You dance with them, and you ward off the other cops and agents around you who try to pull you away from your group. You aren’t interested in that. Right now, you're just having an appropriate amount of fun for a woman 15 feet from her boss.

Time goes by quickly, and by the time you get back to the table, you, Derek, Penelope, and JJ remain. He tells you that Hotch, Rossi, Reid, and Alex left a few minutes before. The conversation between you flows for a while, up until the drinks loosen Penelope up enough to bring up what you were pretty sure the team designated a no-no topic.

“Y/n, you have to talk about it.”

You’re still laughing as something Derek said when you reply, “What?”

“You know what. You and Boy-Genius. What on Earth happened? You went from ice-cold to semi-friendly. None of us saw it coming.”

“Babygirl-,” Derek tries to stop her, but you cut him off.

“No, it’s okay. I have to talk about it at some point, and I think right now is the only time I’ll be tipsy enough to let you get it out of me.”

You're still laughing slightly, but the pit that's lived in your stomach for the past few months starts to rear its head.

“After your Day of the Dead party, he asked to talk to me. I went to his place, and he apologized. I don’t really understand what he said or what he meant, but I can’t be sad about him forever.”

Pen perks up a bit at that, “I knew that party would bring good things!”

You giggle a bit at her outburst, but then JJ asks, “What did he say?”

The faces around you all tune in at that. You know they don’t see this as gossip. They care about you both too much to trivialize it like that.

“He just said that he stopped knowing how to act around me, and he didn’t know why, but then he met Maeve, and I guess it didn’t matter so much after that. He was my best friend, and then he was nothing.”

JJ shares a glance with Derek and then speaks, “Oh, Y/n.”

“What?”

After a beat, Derek says, “He didn’t just not know how to act around you.”

Now you're confused, “What do you mean? I talked to him, that's what he said. He didn’t know why. I mean, he knows everything and didn’t know why he didn’t want to be around me anymore. How fucking stupid is that.”

You laugh again, but it does come off as genuine in the slightest.

“Y/n, he probably doesn’t really know why. At least not fully. For someone as smart as he is, the kid can be really stupid.”

“Stop being cryptic.”

Derek sighs but goes on, “Pretty girl, pretty boy was in love with you. Probably still is. He just didn’t think you’d ever feel the same.”

“No. That's not true.”

You look at the others around you, but their faces are serious.

“He loved Maeve. He loves Maeve. That, that doesn’t make any sense.”

It's JJ’s turn to talk now.

“He definitely did love Maeve, no one is denying that, but we all saw how he was around you. His whole relationship with her was safe. He couldn’t be hurt by her rejection every day because he had no way of seeing her. With you, he could.”

Your mind is moving a mile a minute, “Did he tell you guys this?”

Penelope puts her hand over yours and says, “He didn’t have to, love. We all say the way he looked at you and acted around you. The way he talked about you. That boy was head over heels.”

“Guys, I appreciate whatever you’re trying to do, but this isn’t real. Spencer doesn’t- this is not real.”

“Y/n, pause. Think about the way he acted around you, the things he said. Think about how Reid is.”

You hear what Derek said, but it all sounds faint like someone stuffed your ears with cotton while you weren't paying attention. All you can focus on are the different scenes running through your head, the scenes of your life with Spencer in it. How he memorized your coffee order and brought it for you every day, how he never shied away from your touch despite his aversion to contact, how he consistently went out of his way to protect you on the field. At his house after everything, the way he clung to you and wanted to be held. How he said in his own words, “You can't be what I need”; not “you aren’t,” but “you can’t.”

Your whole world is crashing down in this bar, and you can’t do anything to stop it.

“Y/n?”

JJ’s voice snaps you out of your spiral.

“Just go talk to him.”

You nod mutely, and you get up.

~

Everything in the last ten months of your life has led you to the exact spot you were when everything blew up in the first place: Spencer’s door.

This time, you aren't too worried about him not letting you in. If anything, it's the opposite. Him opening this door could open a hundred others, and you don’t quite know if you are ready for any of them. You sit there and sit there and sit there, trying to work up the courage to knock, though you aren’t sure it's there to begin with. Right as you're about to walk away and decide you’ll come back another day, his door swings open.

“Y/n?”

His face is lit up with shock, and you notice his hand that is not on the door is holding his pistol.

“What are you doing here?”

You don’t answer, “Why did you open the door?”

He sets his piece down on the entry table before responding, “I heard footsteps in the hall and saw they stopped here. I was anxious. 50.3% of home invasions happen between 8:00 pm and 7:00 am.” He cuts himself off there, “Y/n, why are you here?”

You didn’t pay attention to anything he said. All you could think about was the way his lips were moving and the way his eyes locked onto yours as he talked.

“Do you love me?”

That is not what you wanted to say.

His lips fall open as he takes in a sharp breath, “What?”

“Or I guess did you love me? Before everything? Because Derek and JJ and Pen, they all said that you loved me, and now I can’t think about anything else, Spencer.”

He doesn’t speak, but you don't really give him a chance to.

“I just, I know I sound crazy right now, but I feel fucking crazy. I keep going over everything in my head, and I have been, for the past year I have been, but now it’s all different. It's all different because they said that you loved me, but you didn’t think I’d feel the same way.”

Here, you do pause, but he still doesn’t say anything, so you go on before you can stop yourself.

“Because if that's true, Spencer, it's just- I did. I do. And if it's not, then please just tell me so I can stop feeling this way.”

He sounds resigned when he says, “Y/n,” and you feel like you know what that means.

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I'm doing this. You don’t have to say anything. Actually, please don’t say anything. I don't think I can hear it. Just pretend I never-”

He cuts off your ramble, “Y/n, stop.”

You draw your eyes from the floor, look up at him, and find something in his gaze you have never seen before. He doesn’t say anything, just stares at you, and it takes everything you have not to look away. His hand raises to cup your jaw, and your skin lights on fire. Before you can process what he’s doing, you feel his lips press against yours, and something clicks. At first, his touch is light, like he’s giving you the chance to pull away. But, when he grasps that you won’t, he presses himself to you harder, and all you can think about is how nothing has ever felt so right.

His lips move against yours, and you don’t know how you're managing to reciprocate because it feels like everything in your body has gone fuzzy. The kiss is by no means long, but it feels like it lasts forever, and by the time he pulls away, you’re breathless.

His forehead stays connected to yours, and he whispers, “I do, Y/n, love you. I have.”

You don’t feel the tears on your cheeks until he’s wiping them away.

“Oh, Y/n.”

“Did you know? That you did? Is that why…”

You trail off, hoping he’ll pick up on what you're asking, and he does.

“I didn’t at first, or I didn’t realize I was falling in love with you until it happened. I got scared, so I ran. I just never thought that you could feel the same or that I was hurting you. I didn’t realize that. I just thought I was doing what was best for us. I felt guilty for being in love with my best friend.”

“And Maeve?”

“I loved Maeve. I’ll always have love for her. I was trying to move on, and I thought I could eventually be with her and be around you without it hurting. I wish I would have told you this before.”

“You’re telling me now. That's enough.”

This time, it's you who pushes your lips to meet his. Your arms snake around his neck, and his fall to your waist. You follow when he pulls you into his apartment and closes the door. There is still pain on both sides, but you can feel it dissipating as you cling to each other. You’re just two broken people who have finally found a way to each other.

This kiss is different, hungrier. Neither of you pulls away for longer than a few seconds as you navigate your way from his entryway to his couch. Every touch is desperate like you're searching for something you never knew existed until now. His hands pull you closer and closer until he's pulling you on top of him, and each of your legs rests on opposite sides of his hips.

Your lips break from his for a moment, “What do you want, Spence?”

His reply is instant, “You.”

From there, things move faster. Your hands unbutton his shirt and push it from his shoulders while he undoes your pants. There are moments of awkwardness that come with exploring another for the first time, but it feels good. His hands trace over your hips and push further until you're left on top of him in only your underwear and bra. He takes you in like you are something to be marveled at, and you know your eyes reflect the same adoration.

You raise yourself off of him and work to get him in the same state of undress as you, and when you position yourself on top of him, you feel his length press against your center. The two thin layers of fabric do little to hinder the intensity as you rock into him. He lets out quiet moans at the action as his lips trace down your neck and over your collarbone.

His breath ghosts over you and makes you shiver when he asks, “Can I touch you?”

“Please.”

His hand moves between the two of you, and his fingers find your clit easily, rubbing circles over the fabric of your panties. You pant his name against his lips at the action. You feel like your whole body is lit up, and under any other circumstance, you'd feel embarrassed at how worked up you are, but you can’t seem to care.

After a few moments, he lifts you up and carries you to his bedroom. From there, he positions you below him on the bed, removing your remaining clothes in the same motion. The new setup lets you grip him, and he feels big in your hand. His fingers resume their previous assault before dipping down into you. You cry out at the feeling of him inside you, slowly pushing in and out, finding a spot that makes your legs start to shake. He’s relentless in his pursuit and all you can muster up the energy to say is his name.

“You’re so beautiful, Y/n.”

It's somewhere between a whimper and a whisper, but the sound of his voice causes you to clench around his fingers.

He picks up on this, of course he does, and quickens his pace as he coos at you.

“So pretty like this. I’m so lucky.”

You’re embarrassingly close already, so when he moves his thumb over your clit to rub circles as he fucks into you with his fingers, you come undone almost instantly with a warning and cry of his name. He works you through your orgasm, all while whispering praise in your ear. Once you come down from your high, you start to push his boxers down his legs, but he stops you before you can fully.

“We don’t have to do anything more, Y/n. I liked just making you feel good.”

“I want more. I want to feel you if you want that too.”

“Of course I do. I just don’t want you to regret anything.”

“I couldn’t regret this, Spencer. I love you. I want all of you.”

It's the first time you’ve actually said those three words to him, and it feels so fucking good to say.

“I love you, too. God, so much.”

With that, he positions himself back on top of you, running his fingers over your slit gently before gripping himself.

“Do you have a condom?”

“I might somewhere, but I have an IUD, and I’m clean. I can try to find one if you’re more comfortable with that?”

“IUDs have a failure rate of around .05% and are largely considered the most effective form of birth control, so uh, as long as you're okay with it, I am.”

You smile to yourself at his statistic but nod, “I want to feel you, Spencer.”

He returns your smile before rubbing his length over your entrance a few times and slowly pushing himself into you just slightly. He teases you, or maybe himself, for a moment before fully entering you. You push your hips up to meet his, and feeling him in his entirety makes your jaw fall open. He’s big, and you feel unbelievably full.

He waits a moment for you to adjust before he starts to develop a rhythm. His hands are everywhere, but his eyes are focused solely on your face like he doesn’t want to miss a moment of your reaction to him inside of you. To be fair, you are probably putting on a good show. Every movement he makes hits you in exactly the right spot, and you don’t think you could be louder if you tried. You can feel the leg he’s not holding up against his shoulder shake against the bed. Your first orgasm has made way for your second to be incredibly close.

“Spencer, please.”

You’re crying out, desperate for a little more to push you over the edge.

“What do you need, baby?” His voice is tight like he’s not far himself, and it sounds better than anything you’ve ever heard.

“Harder. Please, harder.”

He takes your direction immediately, rubbing circles on your clit with one hand while he thrusts into you with a bruising force. He’s fucking you like he wants you to remember the feeling long after he stops, and you know that you will. Everything about it is overwhelming: his smell, his pace, his eyes. You are covered in him, and he is covered in you.

After a moment, the hand he had on your stomach trails up to grasp lightly at your throat, and you fall into feeling. You can’t warn him that you're about to come before you do. The feeling is white hot. Bigger than your first, and the fact that you're coming on him sends you into overdrive. You can feel his hips falter for a moment, but you're lost in a daze, crying out his name.

He pumps into you a few more times before he follows suit. He pulls out, and you feel stripes of his come paint your cunt and lower stomach as he finishes with a moan of your name.

He falls next to you on the bed, and it takes you both a few moments to collect yourselves and catch your breath.

Once you do, the only thing you can think to say is, “I love you.”

It feels like those are the only words circling around in your head at the moment. Some mixture of his name and that declaration. While you know you each said it before, that your profession was the exigence of the sex you just had, it feels uniquely vulnerable to say now. It’s like the moment you just had together could have changed things or made him realize that he doesn’t actually love you after all.

That shoe doesn’t drop, though. Instead, you hear the three words echoed back to you by a man who, 6 hours ago, you thought would never, ever say them.

You turn to face him, and the love on his face feels like it could knock you out. He’s looking at you and smiling in a way you haven't seen in a long time.

“Will you let me clean you up?”

You know that part of the reason he’s asking has something to do with the likelihood of bacteria growth or something like that, but you think it's mainly that he wants to take care of you. Him wetting a rag and running it over you feels intimate in a different way, in an excruciatingly gentle way. Personal in a way that makes you feel like nothing between you could ever be wrong again, and maybe that's naive to think, but you feel hopeful regardless.

Once he finishes, he takes his space back next to you in the bed. This time, he pulls you into his arms, and it's different than it was all those months ago. This time, you know that he won’t push you away and that you won't hurt yourself by being next to him. This time, you just tuck yourself into him, and you let him whisper sweet nothings into your ear as you begin to drift off. This time, it feels like peace.

~

The following day, you wake up to Spencer still next to you, looking incredibly soft in the early morning light. You search for a moment to find your phone in the piles of clothes and are greeted with a text from Pen.

How did it go????

You smile before turning your phone off and climbing back into bed next to the man you love. It couldn’t have gone better.

-

all done! yay!!!

i hope you guys love it!! i’m not 100% happy with the ending but i’ve been writing this for so long and just needed to be done.

this is my first time writing angst on here and my longest fic, so PLEASE tell me what you think! all (nice) feedback is welcome and i love to hear from you guys!! :)

[rainbowolfe]

Why Aym and Baal?

They were, according to Shamura, supposed to be Narinder's replacement family/companions. Narinder never really got that memo, but like, what did Shamura expect? Relationships don't work that way. You can't just throw two strangers at someone and have them fill the void of a millennia-long relationship.

But the question of the hour is, why Aym and Baal? I don't think it's because they're cats.

It's implied Narinder had his own family (made up of cats or whatever he is) and chose the Bishops, a goofy assortment of non-mammals over those blood relations. So he's not exactly inclined towards members of his own species. So that doesn't feel like the reason why Shamura chose them. And it doesn't feel like the reason Narinder kept them.

I noticed that this photo from Jalala's journal had to have been of pre-servitude Aym and Baal, cause they're much younger. Baal's hair is shorter, they're both just wearing basic tunics instead of their signature robes, and Forneus isn't wearing her hat. So Aym's always looked a bit scuffed, and it wasn't the result of his time spent with TOWW in the Realm Beyond.

Which means Shamura saw him and went "wow that's literally Kallamar". Scar over one eye? Check. Messed up ears? Check. It would also loosely confirm that the boys were sent after they sealed Narinder, since Kallamar's ears wouldn't be scuffed before then.

It would be really funny if what Aym's looking at is Shamura, and this picture was taken 5 seconds before disaster.

Now, my first instinct was that Baal would be Narinder, and what Shamura hoped to recreate was Narinder's relationship with them and Kallamar. But that doesn't quite make sense. The new "family unit" already has a Narinder, so why would Shamura give him another?

Baal can't be filling Shamura's role for two reasons. One, as the head of the family, Shamura would be more likely to be Forneus (the role they are now placing Narinder in). If not Forneus, then the unseen father presumably taking this picture. Two, Shamura does not believe that Narinder loves them. That's. Kind of why they're doing all of this. So they wouldn't give him a replacement-Shamura either, unless they were feeling really really egotistical.

Which leaves us with two options.

And the correct one is Leshy. Leshy, whose core item is the red camellia. And whose symbol becomes a black heart when he's cleansed.

While we don't get to hear much from Baal, Heket's core traits are that she's a shit-talker and likes to eat. Leshy's core traits are that he's chaotic, but has an appreciation for/focus on the world around him. Smells, sights (when he could see), and sounds.

Baal is actually the politer of the two and, based on his recruitment dialogue ("So much color... so many creatures") he too is the worldly type. Also, Baal thanks Lamb for helping them. Leshy and Narinder are the only Bishops who thank Lamb in the end.

And, you know, if you take the order Shamura lists the family in into account, Leshy and Kallamar are the first and second sons respectively.

...

Of course, this can be taken one step further in another direction :3c I can't just leave Heket out of this.

Although Shamura only gave him Aym and Baal, theoretically what they saw was a four-person family unit that reflected their own... before Narinder entered the picture. I mentioned before that if Shamura isn't a reflection of Forneus, then they're a reflection of the unnamed father. (Who I suspect to be Paean)

Which means they saw Heket in Forneus.

Do you see the vision??

Cause this is a found family, age order doesn't necessarily matter to the familial hierarchy. Even if Shamura wasn't the eldest, they would still be the head (whether matriarch or patriarch) because their role is as the leader of the other three. Heket would be below Shamura, but above Kallamar and Leshy, because she serves as caretaker. She's even the one who takes charge upon Lamb's return, as the matriarch would do if something were to happen to the patriarch.

((Traditionally, while the father is seen as the protector and provider, his purpose is specifically to rule/lead the family. It is the mother whose sole purpose is to protect. Primarily the children, as their (often only) caretaker. But in traditional circles, it's commonly felt that the mother should sacrifice everything for the father as well.))

It would be particularly fitting because a lot of Heket's side of things revolves around sacrifice. How she's burdened by it, and seemingly how much she tried to do to find a better/different outcome. She's characterized as particularly family-inclined.

...

This would suggest that who Narinder valued the most in the family were Leshy and Kallamar. At least, it would suggest that's how Shamura saw it. But I'm liking this line of thought, so let's say their read is accurate.

Shamura saw that Narinder. Could also be Forneus. And Shamura loved Narinder the most, so...

Narinder and Heket's disdain for each other stems from them competing for the same role in their family: The matriarch. Shamura's second in command, and the boys' caretaker.

Not in a "raise them" type of way, at least not in Kallamar's case. But to guide and influence them. To be the one they trust and rely on. Heket has been that. And, intentionally or not, Narinder intrudes on that.

Narinder's the 'other woman' lmao

As a bonus:

Baal is aligned with his father (you get Tears of the Vengeful Father in exchange for him). Aym is aligned with his mother (ditto for Tears of the Merciful Mother).

If Aym = Kallamar; Baal = Leshy; Forneus = Heket; and The Father = Shamura

Then that dynamic is actually reflected in this Tarot Card. It pairs Kallamar with Heket, and Leshy with Shamura. :3

[sevikasupremacy]

HI CAN YOU PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP DO rockstar! Reader x secret fan! Sevika. And like reader goes out in disguise and meets sevika then they became friends for like months and sevika has no clue who reader is and like reader accidentally sees sevs like little merch of her and ofc there has to be a dramatic identity reveal and sevika just being weak in the knees. And reader teasing her. Im so normal about ehr.

OOOOO THIS IS SUCH A FUN AND INTERESTING CONCEPT I’M ALREADY LOVING IT ♥️

SecretFan!Sevika x Rockstar!Reader

➼ Sevika’s a hardcore stan let me tell you that

➼ She loves everything about you. The way you held your electric guitar, the way you run your fingers through your hair when you sang your heart out. She just knows that you love your job. Your passion for music was something that drew her in.

➼ The way your shirt sticks to your body whenever you sweat after your concert ahem—

➼ Sevika would spend hours listening to your album on repeat. She’s beating up some people? She’ll blast your music on full volume. She’s cleaning her house? Full blast. Washing the dishes? Full blast. She’s falling asleep? FULL BLAST.

➼ Sevika can still remember the first time she attended your concert.

➼ And fuck was she mesmerized.

➼ The way you engaged with your audience, raising your microphone up in the air, letting them sing some of your parts.

➼ She also remembered when you jumped off the stage to get closer to the crowd, your hand extending as you walked past everyone, letting them hold your hand.

➼ She can tell that you genuinely love your fans. The way you smiled at each one of them as you walked past.

➼ What made Sevika loves you more was when you come across this crying fan and you didn’t hesitate to lean in and wipe her tears before hugging her.

➼ God she wish that woman was her.

➼ Honestly the two of you meeting was a coincidence (or maybe destiny)

➼ You always remembered to cover up every time you went out (just because almost everyone can recognize you).

➼ But somehow that attracted Sevika’s attention.

➼ The two of you happened to bump into each other at this marketplace.

➼ And that changed EVERYTHING.

➼ Because now, Sevika was finding herself intrigued by this stranger.

➼ You both would spend hours talking and joking around with each other.

➼ Y’all invade each other’s personal spaces a lot too ;)

➼ Sevika won’t admit it but she loves how her new friend dresses so mysteriously.

➼ But that also means she was curious to how you actually looked like.

➼ Now the two of you constantly saw each other.

➼ And that was when you finally noticed a little metallic keychain hanging from Sevika’s belt.

➼ And it was your electric guitar keychain with your engraved signature on it.

➼ You couldn’t help but giggle every time you saw her holding it and admiring its design.

➼ It took you a while to build up that courage and tell her who you were.

➼ But casually telling her wasn’t entertaining enough. So you decided to send a text.

➼ “You’re coming to the concert tonight right?”

➼ “Yeah. Where we meeting?”

➼ You’ll send a picture of the seating map to her.

➼ “Here.”

➼ “Why tf would we meet on the stage? What are you, their backup singer?”

➼ Oh Sevika, if only you knew.

➼ The concert was as amazing as ever, but Sevika was disappointed that her friend wasn’t there to enjoy it with her.

➼ After the final performance, the crowd lingered for a while to admire their idols before eventually heading out.

➼ “Still at the concert?”

➼ “No shit.”

➼ “Ok great now climb up onto the stage.”

➼ “Are you fucking with me?”

➼ "Come on, Sevika." As soon as Sevika heard the familiar voice, she quickly looked up to see her favorite rockstar, a wide grin on her face.

➼ "Stop staring at me like that and get up here!" You extended your hand but Sevika was still trying to process what was happening.

➼ Even though that moment happened years ago, Sevika still finds herself staring at you in awe, unable to believe that the rockstar of her dreams is sitting right in front of her.

[verycoolusername1]

The Game

Summary: In which Ethan Edwards can't help but pay attention to the drum major of the Umich marching band.

Ethan Edwards x Gn!reader

Warning: I can't really think of any right now

A/N: Yes, I made y/n drum major, something I could only wished to achieve in high school, and I'm a band kid. SO WHAT?? I based this off of my high school band(which isn't competitive but has two drum majors(in this it's just one, I'm giving yn the spotlight- BUT I DO HAVE AN EXCUSE FOR THE OTHER DRUM MAJOR) and like SO many people), so things might be a little bit different, but nonetheless band is band, so let's go!

I never had games during the day so for 3rd quarter break, uhhh they're just getting lunch(which is still pizza cause that's what I always got lmao)

Uhhh and this when the hughes family came to umich for a game, so like recent(Jack's girlfriend isn't in this though at all as I do not support her nor her actions)

I have a cold rn so I'm missing a game today :(

It was his senior year of college. Ethan honestly had no idea how he made it this far, but he was happy it was almost over.

His lungs were on fire for cheering at every touchdown. He had never been more grateful it was now halftime.

"I'm going to concessions, you guys want anything?" Luca asked.

"Nah, I think I'm gonna stay for this." Ethan exclaimed.

"Looks like someone wants to see the cheerleaders." Luca mutters.

Ethan slapped the back of his head, Luca held his hands up in surrender. When Ethan turned his head he was met with a stranger bumping into them.

"Oh gosh I'm so sorry!" They began to apologize.

"It's fine." Ethan rushed out.

This also gave him a moment to observe the person, they weren't in typical clothing but rather the opposite. In uniform that stood out from others.

"That's uh a nice uniform you got there." Ethan cringed mentally at how he sounded.

You chuckled awkwardly. "Thanks." You turned your head. "Sorry I gotta go, uh see you around stranger!"

"It's Ethan!" He called out after you.

"See you around Ethan!" You said your goodbye before running to the field.

Ethan watched you in confusion, you weren't on the football team or atleast not that he knew of but then he saw it. You were with the band.

You stood in front of them on the field while the band was in count out position.

Subconsciously you looked up and met eyes with Ethan, you blushed slightly before remembering why you were there.

"At the ready!"

The band followed your command and got into position, getting quiet while doing so. The crowd got silent too, waiting in anticipation for what to come.

"Band ten hut!"

"Hut!" The band replied.

Ethan watched in amazement as you controlled the band and how they listened to you without a second thought.

You were nervous to say the least, this was the first time you was on the field without James(the other drum major, he had a cold).

The band were making their way towards the opening set of the opener leaving count out position.

Just ten more minutes you told yourself, but it felt longer with Ethan? You think his name was, had his eyes set on you. You couldn't see it but you felt it.

"One, two, one, two, ready, and!" You counted off.

Ethan watched at the band move miraculously as you kept conducting and in time. He could never do that, playing a song from memory and remembering where you went on the field. He never knew how much work the band puts into a ten minute show until now.

Ethan watched you most of the time rather than the actual show. Hell, even when the band came off the field, he was still only staring at you. No cheerleader could pull him away from the drum major.

"Looks like someone caught Ethan's eye." Duke whispered to Luke, who laughed.

Luca came back from concessions with a bag of popcorn and a hotdog.

"Who caught Ethan's eye?" Luca practically yelled, forcing Ethan's eyes to leave you and to his friends.

"No one!" "Someone in the band!" Ethan and Mackie spoke at the same time.

"The drum major?" Luke clarifies.

"What no you can't be serious?" Luca asked. "A band kid?"

"Hey band kids are awesome." Quinn piped up.

"I gotta agree with Quinn there Luca." Jack agreed.

"And this one in particular is good looking." Mark adds.

"You aren't allowed to say that." Ethan muttered.

"Yeah cause only you can." Luke teases.

"Do you know their name?" Jack asks.

"No but they know mine." Ethan began to smile.

"Oh my god, don't even know their name and you're already whipped." Duke laughed.

"Ethan!" You called his name, making him and everyone turn to look at you.

You were used to the attention being drum major and all. But having Ethan and his friends look at you made your stomach churn up butterflies.

You guestered for him to come to the plaza as the band was having their 3rd quarter break. You stifled a laugh as Ethan practically tripped on his own feet trying to get to you.

"Are you okay?" You asked as he reached you.

"Better now." He chucked, out of breath.

"Y/n." You told him.

"Hm?" Ethan looked down at you.

"My name is Y/n." You clarified with a nervous chuckle.

"Oh." Ethan now realized what you meant. "Well then Y/n... halftime was amazing."

The way your name rolled off his tongue made it feel like he'd known you for years. It made your heart swell.

Realizing that you have been staring at him and didn't say anything in reply and you cleared your throat and looked away.

Thankfully before you could say anything, your friend Robin came up to the two of you.

"Hey Y/n and..." Robin eyes widened as she whispered to you, not so subtly. "Oh my god, is this the cute guy you bumped into before halftime?"

You looked at her with a look that read, 'if you don't stop talking imma shut you up myself."

"His name is Ethan." You muttered, not even daring to look up at him as he held an amused look on his face.

Robin nodded slowly before blurting out. "I'm gay! I mean uh- I like woman not men! They said you're cute not me obviously I mean- wait what? Sorry!" She clarifies.

"Robin I love you," You started. "But please leave."

Robin nodded quickly. "Alright yeah got it bye!" She ran off.

"Sorry about her, she tends to over share sometimes." You explained.

"Oh no Luke's like that all the time." Ethan chuckled. "So uh you think I'm cute huh?" He starts to tease.

You muttered an "Oh my god." Before covering your face with your hands.

Ethan laughed again only a bit more softly as he spoke. "Hey it's okay."

"And this is the part where you tell me you have a hot girlfriend back at home." You told yourself, not caring if he heard it.

Ethan frowned at this. "This is actually the part where I tell you I'm single and I would like to get your number."

You snapped your head up at Ethan, shocked.

"You want my number?" You asked him.

He nodded rapidly. "I mean yeah, why wouldn't I want the cute drum majors number?"

Your face grew hot to his words before clearing your throat. "Oh... then uh yeah yeah I can give you my number."

Ethan gave you his phone as you quickly typed your number in and sent a message to yourself.

"Two minutes!" Your band director called out.

"Shit," You cursed under your breath. "I have to go."

"Right." Ethan smiled sadly.

You did as well before you came up with an excellent idea. "Meet me at the band room after the game."

"Uh I would but I have no idea where that is." He explained.

"The band room? Oh I definitely know where that is." Luke suddenly appeared beside him. "I'll make sure he arrives in one piece."

"Thanks Hughes." You chuckles before giving Ethan a soft smile. "Bye Ethan. I'll see you later."

"Band, let's start making our way back now!" You yelled.

"Oh they could totally yell at me like that." Ethan whispered under his breath.

Luca slapped his chest. "Dude this is getting weird."

"Hey uh Luke, how did they know your name?" Mackie asks.

"Well It's complicated." Luke says before quickly adding. "We didn't hookup!"

"You're probably the reason Robin's gay." Ethan muttered as a joke.

"Hey! I heard that!" Luke rolled his eyes.

[lucygxybaird]

We've seen brothers older friend!Billy but what about one where the reader is older (like 2 or 3 years)??? And she's a family friend that billy has always had a crush on growing up, but she always viewed him as a kid and he had to watch her go along with older guys he knows would never treat her as good as he would if he had the chance. Then after a year or two out of town, reader comes back to see Billy has grown into a man.

And he finally gets his chance to show her just how much he's grown...

oooooh--

(p.s. sorry this took so long, my brain is pudding rn.)

---

"Billy?"

It sure as hell looks like him -- same big blue eyes, fringed with thick, dark lashes, the dark curls escaping from underneath the brim of his hat, the long legs. But his shoulders are broader, his stride more authoritative, the tilt of his jaw a mixture of challenge and confidence. You think it's your brother's friend, sweet Billy Antrim who always looked at you shyly, hopefully, boyishly. If it is him (and maybe your eyes are playing tricks on you), he sure as hell doesn't look like that little kid anymore.

And then he looks up at you, his smile lighting up his face, and you see that adorable kid who was enamored with you.

"You're back?" Billy pulls you in for a hug, and you're shocked by the way his embrace engulfs you, by the overwhelmingly masculine scent of him. It's leather, a whiff of something sweet and tangy that you suspect is aftershave (was he even shaving the last time you saw him?), hovering over a warm musk that might simply be Billy's own natural scent.

Undeniably, you feel a twinge in your core, which doesn't abate when he tightens his arms around you and kisses the top of your head. "I'm back," you say, lifting your head with a smile, and his face is so close to yours that you can count the faint freckles scattered over the bridge of his nose. Despite yourself, you mutter: "Wow."

Billy grins, letting you go but not stepping away from you. The warmth of him, combined with the delicious smell of his skin, makes you a little wobbly; Billy grips your hands, and you find yourself leaning into him.

"Wow?" he says, quirking an eyebrow, and immediately your cheeks are on fire.

"I just meant...you look different," you tell him. He grins again. "I wasn't gone for that long, was I?"

He chuckles. "Almost three years," he says, and now it's your turn to flash him a smile.

"Were you keeping track, Billy?"

"Sure, I was," he says easily. He may look like a man now, but the earnest expression on his face is all innocence. "I missed you, and I wondered about you. It's a tough world out there, and whenever your brother went a long time without hearin' from you, I worried somethin' had happened to you."

He reaches up with one hand, brushing a stray lock of hair behind your ear, his eyes intently on yours. "I...I'm sorry," you manage. "Sometimes it was hard to find time to write. I..."

Billy smiles again and shakes his head. "You don't gotta apologize to me," he says. "I just wanted to let you know I was always thinkin' about you, that's all."

You smile. It's nice to know that someone besides your brother cares about you. Your brother has been looking out for you since you were both kids, when your mother died and your dad left in the middle of the night, evidently too overburdened by the mere thought of caring for his two children to actually attempt it. The two of you met Billy when he moved to town with his mother, his sweet little brother, and that bipedal rat of a stepfather.

"I thought about you, too," you admit, and it's true. Apart from your brother, Billy was the only person in this town you felt any regret about leaving -- especially because he'd already lost so much.

The corners of Billy's mouth pull up. He looks rather pleased with himself. "You did, huh?"

"Yeah, I did," you say, trying not to laugh. "I didn't really feel right just leaving you behind. I wondered who was gonna take care of you."

He smiles again, though there's a hint of chagrin in it now. "I wasn't some little kid you needed to fuss over, y'know."

You smile back at him. "Yeah, you were," you say gently. "This sweet, sincere kid who..."

You stop, flushing. You don't want to lay bare the fact that you always knew Billy had a crush on you back then; you don't want to embarrass him. But you'd been able to tell, for sure. The way he looked at you, his cross expression every time you mentioned you had a date. Once or twice, when a man did you wrong, Billy had even offered to fight him for you, which was as adorable as it was worrisome. You didn't want him getting hurt over you.

Billy chuckles, reading your silence like it's an open book. "Who was moonin' over you?"

Your color deepens. "Well, I..."

He smiles, leaning close like he's going to kiss your cheek. "I'm not that kid anymore," he says, his voice falling into your ear. Your core throbs warningly again. "I'm a grown man now. But I'm still moonin' over you. I never stopped."

You realize your breath is coming in soft, shaky gasps. "Billy..."

"Let's get outta here," he murmurs. "I wanna welcome you home like a man showin' his woman how much he missed her. And I really did miss you."

Fuck.

You look up at him, your lips parted. You have a second where you hope no one is watching the two of you, but for the most part, you really don't care. You have a brief but vivid mental image of Billy dragging you to the backroom right here in the bar, putting you up against the wall, and --

"Let's go," you agree, and you snatch at his hand, practically dragging him out onto the street.

Billy leads you toward his horse, and when his hands find your waist, you let out a soft gasp. He lifts you up onto the saddle and mounts up behind you; the feel of his broad, warm chest against your back has you pressing yourself against him. Billy clicks his tongue softly, and the horse obediently trots forward. You can feel Billy moving with the animal's gait, and you clench your thighs around the saddle.

It feels like it takes forever to reach Billy's lodgings, but as soon as you're off his horse, he has you in his arms. He almost lifts you off his feet as he takes you through the front door, and then he does have you against the wall.

"Billy," you whisper, almost whining, and then he leans in to capture your lips with his.

His kiss is hungry, strong, undeniably masculine -- it feels like he's just barely holding himself back from devouring you. You cling to him, arms winding around his neck, and when his thigh slots between yours, you don't hesitate to rock your hips down. "Oh, fuck," Billy mutters against your lips. "Fuck, I never thought..."

Your laugh is muffled against the curve of his neck as you press kisses to the skin. "Oh, never?"

His fingers deftly tug at the buttons on the back of your dress, and you feel his chuckle rumbling in his chest. "I mean, I thought about it, but I never dreamed it would actually happen." He pulls back, framing your face between his hands. "You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen," he murmurs. "And the smartest, and the toughest, and the kindest."

His thumbs sweep over your cheek bones, his eyes boring into yours so intently that it ignites a fire in the pit of your stomach. "Those guys you were with back then, they weren't good enough for you," he says. "Maybe I was just a kid the last time you saw me, but I could see that. They didn't deserve you."

"But you do," you say softly, and his gaze doesn't waver.

"But I do."

He leans down to kiss you again, lifting you up of your feet and urging your leg around his hip. You can feel his arousal pressing against you, and you wrap your other leg around him, bringing I'm closer. There's just enough relief from the delicious ache between your legs that you start moving against him again, chasing this breath of a high.

Billy tightens his arms around you, pulling you away from the wall and taking lurching, almost drunken steps toward the bed in the corner. You let out a little giggle as he lets you drop onto the mattress, and you sit up, shrugging out of your dress and letting it pool around your waist. Billy kneels beside you on the bed, hands smoothing over your waist. "Shit, you're so perfect," he breathes, and tugs you against his chest, trailing kisses down your neck.

He lays you back, and you moan when the heated muscle of his tongue laps against your nipple. Billy reaches down and tugs your dress off all the way, mouth still lavishing attention to your breasts. You moan, the sound tinged with impatience, as you start working on the buttons of his shirt. He lets go of you long enough for you to slid the shirt away, and then he has you in his arms again, your bare chest flush against his.

"Oh, god, Billy," you mutter, and without thinking about it, you part your thighs, inviting. "Please, I'm so...I--"

His fingertips brush, butter-fly light, along your inner thigh, and you let out a whimper of anticipation. A grin ghosts across his face, though his look is intent, burning, as if he doesn't want to miss a second. When he finds your core, Billy's jaw ticks as he bites back a groan. "Shit," he mutters. "You're so wet..."

You press your head back against the pillow as he strokes you through your undergarments, your hips working against his fingers. "Fuck me, Billy," you manage. You lift your hand, tangling your fingers in his dark curls and pulling him down for a heated, greedy kiss. "I want you inside me, right now."

Billy moans against your mouth, and you feel his hips grind against yours. "God, yeah," he murmurs. "Fuck--"

You hear his belt jingle as he undoes his pants, a little grunt of relief falling from his lips as his aching cock finally springs free. You can't really help yourself -- you glance down, and your lips part at the sight of him. More than anything, you want him in your mouth, all of him, but Billy has other plans.

He presses you back and moves over you, his fingers tugging the waistband of your undergarments down until the two of you work together to get it off. You laugh as Billy tosses it over your shoulder, and he grins at you before kissing you again, so hot and hungry that you cry out against his lips. His broad palm skates down your ribs, delves between your legs, and you moan again as a finger slips inside you. "Billy..."

He adds another finger, stretching you open, and you groan. Billy increases the pace, occasionally burying his fingers deep inside you, his fingertips rubbing against your walls as the heel of his palm grinds against your clit.

You groan helplessly, loudly, even as Billy keeps up a torrent of hungry kisses. Your arms wrap tightly around him, fingernails digging into his back, and when he grunts softly in approval, you rake your nails down the path of his spine. Billy moans against your lips, the sound petering off into a whimper, and that's the trigger for your first orgasm. It hits so suddenly you can't even cry out at first, but then you're sobbing out Billy's name as your back curves.

"Fuck," you pant desperately. "God, Billy, please..."

He kisses you again, slowing the movement of his fingers as you come down. He pulls his hand away, sucking his fingers clean, before moving back and reaching for you. He helps you sit up, quite a feat considering you're actually a little dizzy. Billy draws you closer, kissing you again, though this time it's gentle, soft. Loving.

"C'mere, honey," he says, and he turns you around, directing you to brace your hands on the wall. He presses himself against you, his chest against your back, and you moan when you feel the head of his cock against your slick folds. "Please," you whisper, and he gives you an inch or two. "Billy...fuck, please, please, please..."

"Please, what?" he says, and you can hear the grin in his voice. "Tell me what you want, baby."

You let out a breathless little laugh, pushing your hips back against him. "You have to ask?"

He slides a hand over your stomach, the other coming up to cup your breast, gently tweaking the nipple. "No, I just wanna hear you say it," he says, his voice low, his lips brushing your ear.

"I want you to fuck me until I scream for you," you tell him. "I want everyone to know I've got you in my bed."

He drops his forehead to your shoulder with a muttered oath, but he doesn't hesitate to obey. The rhythm of his hips is immediately fast, rough, and unrelenting. You cry out loudly with each thrust, bracing yourself against the wall and pushing back against him. "Yes, yes, yes, yes," you gasp, and he nips at your earlobe.

"Am I your man?" he asks you, and his fingers come up to probe at your lips. "Tell me."

Your mouth opens immediately, and you suck on his fingers as soon as they touch your tongue. Not that you need it when his hand goes between your legs again, fingertips rubbing at your clit. God, you're so fucking close -- you're too dazed to even process the question he's just asked you, and you almost cry when his pace starts to slow.

"I said," he growls, almost pulling out of you completely, fingers stilling on your clit, "am I your man?"

"Yes," you answer at once. "God, yes, Billy, you're a man, you're my man, please, please -- "

He slams back into you, and you almost collapse, except his arm tightens around you and pulls you back against his chest. His fingers resume massaging your clit, and he's fucking you hard and fast. The symphony created between your two bodies would sound utterly depraved and filthy if not for Billy's sweet, soft moans, and you realize he's holding back because he just wants to hear you.

You reach back with one hand, grabbing hold of his hair. "Oh, god, Billy, I'm gonna -- I'm -- "

"I know," he mumbles. "Fuck. Me too, I'm gonna -- I don't think I can -- "

"Come inside me," you tell him, head tilting back so you can murmur into his ear. "I want you to fill me up so bad."

His teeth sink into your shoulder, but it does nothing to muffle his groan. "Oh, shit," he whispers, soothing the bite with one soft kiss after another. "Oh, fuck, fuck--"

You wouldn't have thought it was possible a few moments ago, but if anything, his rhythm intensifies. He's hitting you so deep that you're seeing stars, reaching that spot inside of you no one ever has before, and then --

When your high hits, it's so intense that your body lets go completely, and you're soaking the sheets. Just like you promised him, you do scream, losing control over your muscles as your legs start to shake. Billy follows you just a few moments later with a hoarse shout of your name, and he presses deep, stilling as he pumps himself into you.

He grinds against you slowly, languidly, while he tilts your head back so he can kiss you. His tongue slides between your lips and you welcome it eagerly, your body melting into his. You whimper as you can feel that delicious heat building between your legs again, and you start to rock slowly against him. "Billy, I'm...I think I -- I -- "

"Yeah, baby, I know," he says again. "Come on me. Use me. Oh, fuck, my pretty girl...my best girl, my woman, all mine..." His movements start to pick up, just a little, and you both groan softly.

"Billy..."

This peak washes over you slowly, like you're sinking into pleasure, and when it ebbs, you lean back against him. It takes a few moments for you both to be able to move, and by the time you're aware of yourself again, you're nestled in Billy's arms with the covers tucked up around you.

"All yours, huh?" you say, once you have your breath back, and he chuckles, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

"You sayin' you're not?" he says. You just smile, propping yourself up on your elbow to kiss him.

After tonight, you both know damn well you can't say that. He's your man, that's for sure.

[cosmicjoke]

when comforting someone who's crying, do u think levi would be the type to be like "hey what, no, stop, dont cry" or would he just let them cry their hearts out

Mmm, well, I think people have a tendency to grossly mischaracterize Levi when it comes to this sort of thing, which really confuses me, because if you pay even he most minimal attention to his character, that shouldn't happen. I often see people assume that Levi would shut someone down who's crying and tell them to toughen up or stop acting like a baby, but Levi actually almost always does the opposite. He's incredibly compassionate and understanding toward people having emotional breakdowns.

Take the soldier during the Female Titan arc who endangered their whole unit by going back for Ivan's body, for example. Instead of scolding him and getting angry at him for endangering them, Levi instead gave him Petra's badge and told him it was Ivan's. He saw how much emotional distress that kid was in, and he showed him incredible compassion and tried to help him in any way he could, and at his own expense.

He does the same for Eren multiple times throughout the story. When Eren first joins Levi's squad, and he has that incident where he manifests a Titan arm, and his squad reacts with hostility, in the aftermath, Levi does his best to comfort Eren by explaining his squad's reaction and letting him know it isn't Eren's fault or anything to do with him personally, but more so a result of his squad's learned experience from surviving so many dangerous situations. Levi again comforts Eren after the disastrous encounter with the Female Titan. He sees how upset Eren is, how much he's beating himself up over what happened to Levi's squad, and instead on blaming Eren like Levi could, he instead cracks a joke about Erwin being late, trying to make Eren laugh. And again, during the Uprising arc, when the cavern they're all in is about to come down on their heads, while everyone else is screaming at Eren and chastising him for crying, and telling him to man up, Levi apologizes to Eren for having to ask for his help again. He doesn't yell at Eren for crying, or put him down for being emotional. He understands completely why Eren is upset and he extends him a great show of sympathy and kindness. And afterward, he makes sure to thank Eren for saving them and also gives him the credit for them being able to finally take a step forward in the fight for humanity. And finally we all know of the moment when Hange pushes Eren too hard during the Titan experiments, and it's Levi who notices Eren isn't doing well physically and tells Hange they need to give him a break. The same, again, after the RtS arc, when Eren is losing his cool while locked up in the cell, and Hange is basically harassing him over it, and Levi tells her to just give Eren a break.

Or Levi being the only person to thank Connie for helping them confirm that Titan's are in fact human beings. Levi was aware of how hard that was for Connie, given the way they confirmed it was through him having to identify his mother, and he wanted to make sure Connie was aware that his courage and dedication went noticed and appreciated. Again, Levi was the only one who noticed and took the time to thank him. We see this with Levi multiple times throughout, like when he thanks Nifa for riding all night to deliver Erwin's message to him and his squad, or when he takes the time to apologize to Hange over her squad getting killed during the encounter with Kenny. Or when he understands Mikasa's emotional outburst at him during the Female Titan arc. Mikasa is downright unkind and incredibly disrespectful toward Levi during that scene, but Levi understands she's upset because Eren has been taken and might be dead. He doesn't yell at her or try to defend himself, he just tells her how they're going to try and get Eren back, and helps her. This after Levi has just had to observe the dead bodies of his own squad. And yet another example is when Hange is laying into Shadis for his admission about his own weakness and his failure to live up to his role as Commander of the SC, and again, it's Levi who tells Hange to give him a break, showing compassion toward Shadis for his struggles. Of course there's the pivotal moment of Levi's great compassion during the RtS arc with Erwin, and allowing Erwin to rest and showing him incredible respect and forgiveness for Erwin's very human foibles and weakness.

If Levi sees that someone's emotional distress is real and warranted, he's always going to show compassion and understanding. That's something so many people miss about his character, all because he has a gruff manner and way of speaking, and it's such a shame people make this mistake with him, because it's really what defines Levi. He's such a good person. He isn't mean or cruel or dismissive of people's feelings. He's literally the opposite. He's more aware and empathetic toward people's feelings than anyone.

So, to answer your question, Levi is definitely the sort of person that will allow someone to cry their heart out if he really believes they're in pain or otherwise distressed in some way. I don't even think that's up for debate. There's so many examples of just that in the story itself.

[canihaveacalmtime]

Ever since you were born, you can only acknowledge your mother existence and for your whole childhood, you wonder who or where you father is.

Your mother doesn't really do her job or take responsibility of being a mother, she just always busy working and working all day so you eventually learned to cook for yourself and occasionally for your mother too. That 'occasionally' soon turn into daily when you turn 6, you take all the chores ,cleanings and despite all the spat, slaps or shouts and curses your mother aim at you, you still love her because she is your mother.

One faithful night, your mother didn't return home and as you wait for a few hours turn into a few days and then weeks and then months. She completely abandoned you and you thought of how such a fool you are. You then leave the small apartment, the place you once called home, and went out to the society and try to make a living, to survive.

----------

For 6 years, you worked for a small food restaurant owned by a middle aged woman because she took you in back then. The two of you runs the restaurant and really just having a really happy life together as the two of you.

During dinner time of a saturday evening, as the restaurant closed, you and the woman sit down and watch the news as the two of you always do but today news does make a big change to your life because in 6 years, you saw your biological mother again on the news, next to a man who you don't even know but looks so much alike you, getting interview by the news reporters.

To your horror, they were actually finding you. You see your mother cry, you hear how much she misses you and pray for you to come back to her as the man comforts her and that makes you wonder, why now?

Why bother finding you now?

You hope that everything just happened wasn't real, that you were just hallucinating and nothing will happen, no one will come and take you away, pray that you won't have to see her again.

You just never expected them to appear at your restaurant the next week, forcefully taken you away from the only person you consider family.

In the next few days, you find yourself being treat so tenderly and lovingly by your biological mother who had never done something like that before, you also got to know that the man who always with your mother is your biological father. It all happened so fast you wish this is all just a nightmare and you will soon wake up in your room back at the restaurant and get to hug your considered family but as days turn into weeks, it hits you that you would never get to return there as you have been begging them to just abandon you and let you return to your considered home but they only smile and tell you that "It's going to be alright, sweetheart".

After a whole year, you find yourself in your rebel stage and finally take action to try and escape this giant mansion. Your attempts were just to outrun the bodyguards, sneak out from the kitchen backdoors to climb over the fences. Attempts soon become more bold like run off during a family hangout, knockout some maids to steal their keys, actually hurt yourself but the one attempt that finally snap your parent limit was when you jumped from your bedroom balcony which was on the third floor.

After that? There's no after that because when you recovered and returned 'home', you will be constantly feed food with a bit of 'medicine' to make you sleep faster after every meal. Your mother would be by your side every single moment there is to be and your father simply add more security to the place to make sure nothing like that attempt of your ever occur again.

Even if you try to rebel again, they would just lock you in your room and worst, break your legs so that you won't even have a chance to make any escape or attempt to fight back.

"Mom and dad are sorry for doing this to you but aince you keep on hurting yourself, we have to take measures into our hands. Now you will be just safe and sound in our care, alright my love."

----------

A/N: This must be the one I hate the most istg 😞

[melonteee]

ok im anon about nami. firstly, im actually really sorry for spoiling you. i did not know about how you only read them while streaming them and i only saw streaming posts about anime episodes. it was not my intention, im sorry!! secondly, i understand everyone's arguments about similar instances pre-timeskips, nami opening up more and who wouldn't be scared of bugs, etc. i didnt mean to make it sound rude esp about sakura, it was just an emotional response bc i love nami sm. yes girls can be silly but its just one of those "vibes/feelings" grievances that when put to words doesnt make sense. yes nami previously ran away scared just like now but its just the way she does it now since timeskip feels so weird? like it felt almost comically stereotypical the way her face was and her being on the floor like that? i cant explain it well, yes nami would cry and run but the way she would is so different. "waah save me" doesnt feel like nami even an opened up one. and its not about a woman not being able to be scared, im not asking her to solo giant bugs. this is just one instance, ive felt weird about her post-timeskip, she feels more hollow. i want more genius navigation nami, in general, than "weak person of the group that always needs help" nami which is why i loved that scene in fishman island of her being complimented. i think this is more of a agree to disagree cause i cant shake the feeling. anyways sorry to everyone again!

sorry anon I didn't mean to be rude I was just frustrated since I quite publicly read the officials when they come out (livestreams and such) but yes I'd say it's an agree to disagree situation.

As someone who read through/watched all of One Piece in the span of 3 months (with no nostalgia for the original ig) I didn't notice a decline in Nami's character at all - all it feels like is she's just gotten more comfortable with the Strawhats. I seem to be one of the rare few who likes her ts version more than her pre-ts version and it's because, as I've said, she feels happier and more comfortable with her crew WHILE still navigating the seas AND being the witch that she is - as we saw with her laughtale discovery and her navigation at the beginning of Egghead.

I think it's a shame to think a character developing into a warmer person through the love they're receiving means they've become lesser of a character, while I'm not saying you do that anon, this exact same thing happens to Robin in the ts as well. Design aside (and yes I totally understand that issue) Robin's ts character is a lot softer and a lot sweeter because she's HAPPIER! Watching/reading One Piece from start to finish all in one go is how you can truly feel the joy in these character's hearts becoming something more imo

[the-sinful-voice-witch]

Stephanie Brown and Damian Wayne

Damian's drawing of people who loves him personally offended me when i saw the lack of Talia (but fucking Ra was there! So ridiculously absurd), Duke, Jason and more importantly in my opinion the lack of STEPHANIE BROWN! Barbara and Rose Wilson never had the bond he had with Stephanie not even Cassandra and im specially Salty about Maya because all the fuss about the "adoptive sister" That showed up right in the messed up new 52 as if Stephanie wasn't literally the fucking first big sister figure he had, this is so insulting giving the fact that STEPHANIE WAS HIS BATGIRL:

The Batman's no-daughter and Damian first big sister, Steph is a Bat member that is placed along Batman's children but she was never adopted and we could say she is kinda in the same position as Barbara, they can only become official daughters if they become daughters in law.

I firmly believe that Damian can't be placed along all the people that personally wronged Stephanie because... Damian has been an arrogant jerk with absolutely every hero he has met, he looked down on his own father at first, the fucking Batman! So he literally didn't discriminate Stephanie, because even if he tried to insult her saying he was disappointed to see she wasn't Cassandra, when he actually met Cassandra he tried to undermine her as well so to me that comparation doesn't have the same weight as when she was constantly compared to other heroes by other certain characters.

The little time they had together in the Batgirl run was way too precious, the teasing and the banter and how they worked together was so good! Stephanie was so good to him! She got him to be able to behave like a kid because she noticed he didn't even know how to play, she got him to play with him in a bouncing castle, she wanted him to smile, they worked together to save Dicks Batman and i always laugh when Damian teases her about "not having a big chest", Damian dear you were so fixated on that for no reason... Maybe Steph was also his first platonic crush... I think the second was Supergirl 😂😂.

(I miss them when they were like this... I miss them everyday 😭😭😭😭)

DCeased wasn't exactly one of my favorite comics regarding plot but it has a special place in my heart for being currently the only alternative universe that represented this sibling relationship as it was always meant to be until the disappointing death that was supposed to be solved by Talia and never happened as if they forgot.

That universe gave us a beautiful present and that was the very first time someone (wonder girl Cassie) officially acknowledged Stephanie as Damians big sister and not to mention the hug! 🥺🥺🥺 he actually let himself being comforted in her arms and hugged her back, when he saw her he even called her "Steph" Not "Brown" Or "Spoiler/Batgirl" and oh my god she became his Robin 🥲 and to me she is just the perfect Robin to his Batman after all... She was also the Batgirl to his Robin.

Another thing i want to point out, when Alfred was murdered Dick still didn't have all his memories, Jason was just too angry and Tim didn't do much, Barbara isn't that close to Damian so I think they totally should have used Stephanie here, Damian really could have used a big sister... Again wasting her character but I guess they wanted to use only the closest people to Alfred and sadly it looks like Steph isn't one... But she is an important person to Damian no matter how much DC wants to erase her, she will never dissapear! I can't believe Barbara and Rose Wilson and that pop out of nowhere post new 52 Maya are in that drawing of people who makes Damian feel loved BUT NOT STEPHANIE!! Even the horrible RA is there?! But not his mother or HIS FIRST AND IN MY OPINION BEST BIG SISTER FIGURE STEPHANIE!!! DC YOU HAVE A LOT TO ATONE FOR 😤😤😤😠😠😠😠

Fortunately the author of the webtoon family Wayne adventures has a better understanding of this and gave us the precious moments they deserve:

In my head this is Stephanie with her 3 best boys, the ex, the little platonic brother that might had or might not had a platonic crush on her and who i think is her very soulmate ❤💜

[genderfluid-insomniac]

Sorry for late response, got distracted. But yea I do! I was wondering if you could do headcanons of his crush who is like very dorky cute and just very kind to him whenever she sees him with Mk and Mei. Like the first time they met and he blows up like fire when angry they said “ you’re so beautiful.. ” and every time they see each other it’s like a golden retriever so excited to see him lol and actually has a obvious crush on him. Doesn’t hide it at all and is blunt about thier feelings.

Redson x blunt!golden retriever!reader who is dorky cute and just very kind

The first time you met Red Son was when he tried to take over the weather station and you were in the station surfing in the water area when you saw him stomping around angrily, finding him curious and letting the wave bring you to the shore. It was no shock that you found him gorgeous with his fiery red hair and attitude to match and seeing him made you stumble on your board when you first saw him.

When he did take over the station you hid and grabbed your board, hiding behind one of the pillars as another group of people came in trying to fight him. From listening in you learned that they were Pigsy, Tang, Sandy, Mei, and MK who you recognized to be the Monkie Kid. However, things quickly went south when everyone was either captured or forced out and you were one of the only ones left. hearing footsteps approaching you and reflexively smacking the attacker with your board.

Lo and behold that person or demon rather was Red Son who looked pissed off and hair bursting into flames, blushing at the cute demon in front of you and snapping out of it when he went to chase you. “I’m sorry! It was a reflex and technically it’s your fault for sneaking up on me but you’re pretty cute so I was staring.” You heard some shouts of support and someone hyping you up; unfortunately, he caught you and left you with the other until MK came and freed you guys. Mei apparently was the one who was hyping you up and both MK and her quickly became your friends.

As Red Son showed up more and more you always were obvious about how you felt, complimenting him or his impressive inventions and machines. A couple of times he blushed because of how nice and happy you were to always see him either asking about his work or how he was doing, finding himself dealing with his newfound crush on you and trying to suppress the bubbling excitement he felt whenever he saw you.

Both MK and Mei caught on quickly to his crush and knew you liked him so they ruthlessly teased him and you hinting at the love you both shared. Red Son was still deciding if you liked him back even after all he’s done and working up the courage to confess to you compared to you who is waiting for the right moment when a disaster isn’t hitting the city.

[merwgue]

One day, Nesta was staring into the mirror, running her fingers through her long hair. It felt heavy—like everything else in her life lately. She casually mentioned to Cassian over breakfast that she was thinking of cutting it. It wasn’t a huge deal to her, just something new. But Cassian? Oh, Cassian lost it. His voice shot up, accusing her of wanting to “erase herself” or “run from her problems” just because she wanted a haircut. His tone wasn’t concern—it was anger. She could feel the control in his words. He didn’t want her to change anything about herself that he liked.

Cassian’s words hit her like a slap in the face. “Why would you do that? Are you trying to push me away? You’re beautiful like this, Nesta. Why ruin it?” His insecurities about their relationship bled into everything, and instead of being supportive, he turned her choice into a personal attack. Every time Nesta tried to explain it was just hair, just her decision, he pushed harder, making it about how she was hurting him by wanting a change. It was suffocating.

That conversation haunted Nesta for days. She didn’t say anything, but it gnawed at her. The way Cassian had taken something as simple as a haircut and twisted it into his issue, made her feel like she had no autonomy. His control over her life, her choices—it was becoming unbearable. And this was the breaking point she didn’t know she needed.

The next day, Nesta walked into a salon in Velaris without a second thought and asked for a pixie cut. She watched as her long strands hit the floor, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders with every snip. It wasn’t just about the hair anymore—it was about taking back control. When she left the salon, she looked into the mirror and saw her for the first time in a long time, not the version of herself that Cassian wanted her to be.

She braced herself for Cassian’s reaction when she returned to the House of Wind. And of course, the moment he saw her, he snapped. He yelled—actually yelled at her about how she had ruined something beautiful, how she’d done it to hurt him, to spite him. It wasn’t about the hair at all. It was about his fragile ego. Nesta stood there, staring at him as he raged, telling her that she was making everything worse, like her hair was a symbol of their entire relationship falling apart.

But Nesta had had enough. The more Cassian yelled, the more she realized that this wasn’t just about hair. It was about the way he controlled every little part of her life, how he never actually listened to what she wanted. Every time she made a decision for herself, he twisted it into how it affected him, how it damaged his ego. She didn’t say a word. Instead, she packed a bag and walked out the door without looking back. She was done.

Nesta needed space, and fast. So, she went to the only place where she knew she could find it—the Spring Court. Tamlin had been quietly keeping his distance, but he had always extended a quiet invitation for her to visit. So she took it. And the moment she arrived, she felt something she hadn’t felt in months—freedom. Tamlin didn’t bombard her with questions or try to fix her. He just offered her a place to stay, no strings attached.

Tamlin was no saint, but in this moment, Nesta found him to be more understanding than anyone from the Night Court. He let her be. He gave her space, didn’t demand answers, and simply allowed her to exist. It was the first time in a long time that Nesta felt like she could breathe.

Nesta and Tamlin formed an unlikely bond. They were both damaged, both struggling with their pasts, but they didn’t push each other. Tamlin respected her independence and never tried to control her. They spent time together, not as allies or lovers, but as two people who understood what it meant to lose control of their own lives.

Nesta began helping Tamlin rebuild his court. She didn’t do it out of loyalty or duty but because it gave her a sense of purpose. Tamlin, in turn, gave her the space to grow. There was no pressure to perform, no expectations, just... freedom. And that’s what Nesta needed most.

One night, Nesta and Tamlin found themselves at a quiet tavern in the Spring Court. Nesta needed a distraction, and a drink or two wouldn’t hurt. That’s when she noticed him—a quiet Illyrian male sitting alone, reading a book at the bar. He wasn’t like any of the Illyrians she had known before. He wasn’t loud, brash, or arrogant. He was... shy, gentle, with kind eyes hidden behind a pair of glasses.

Nesta, intrigued by this anomaly, struck up a conversation with him. His name was Theren, and unlike Cassian, he didn’t try to dominate the conversation or impress her with bravado. He listened, asked questions, and treated her with the kind of quiet respect she hadn’t experienced in a long time. He wasn’t intimidated by her sharp edges or her power—he saw her for who she was, not what she could be for him.

Over time, Nesta realized that the Spring Court, with its quiet freedom and open spaces, felt more like home than the suffocating, controlling atmosphere of the Night Court ever had. She didn’t have to constantly fight to prove herself here. She could simply be. And Theren? He was everything Cassian wasn’t. He didn’t need to control her, didn’t demand that she conform to his idea of who she should be.

Nesta began to understand that not all Illyrians were like Cassian. There were good men out there—men who didn’t see women as possessions to be tamed or controlled. Theren showed her that there was kindness and gentleness in the world, that not every relationship had to be a battle for dominance.

Eventually, Nesta knew that the bond with Cassian had to go. It had never been about love—it had been about control, about his insecurities and need to possess her. And she was done with it. With Tamlin’s help, Nesta severed the bond. She didn’t feel regret or loss—she felt free.

Cassian had never been the partner she needed. He had never respected her autonomy or allowed her to be herself. Cutting the bond wasn’t just an act of rebellion—it was an act of self-preservation. For the first time, Nesta was in control of her own destiny, her own life, without anyone trying to pull her strings.

In the Spring Court, Nesta found something she never thought she would—peace. She wasn’t the cold, bitter woman everyone had labeled her as. She was herself, finally. And with Theren by her side and Tamlin’s friendship to ground her, Nesta was ready to move forward. She had cut the toxic ties that had bound her to Cassian and the Night Court, and now, she could finally live the life she deserved—one where she was truly free.

[oldfashioned-lovergirl]

Kimi seb and fem reader threesome?

☆ LOVERS ROCK — sebastian vettel x fem!reader x kimi räikkönen

tags: RATED EXPLICIT, threesome, smut, fluff, age gap, photographer!reader

note: i am probably months late but idk inspiration just struck me suddenly. this is set like around 2016.

masterlist

・・・・☆・・・・☆ ・・・・

Qualifying went better than expected for the Ferrari team. You watched the two drivers end in 4th and 3rd position from the garage, in which, thanks to your ‘close friend of Sebastian’ privilege, you were allowed. You still weren’t officially Scuderia Ferrari’s photographer, but who knows, maybe considered all the pictures you took for them, one day they’ll hire you. Keep dreaming.

As soon as Seb took off his helmet, you ran to congratulate him and wish him luck for the race. You hugged him tight and he discreetly pushed you in an isolated corner behind the motorhome. He kissed you eagerly. Alright, maybe you were more than close friends. At least, you once were, until he finally found a way to romance you and take you in his bed. Nothing serious, just casual sex. That was how you discovered that your chemistry was unmatched.

As Sebastian had to go back to debrief with the engineers, your eye was caught by the monitor showing the post quali interviews. There was his teammate, Kimi Räikkönen, talking about his performance. He seemed unbothered, as always. His forehead was damp with sweat and the red suit made his broad shoulders look even wider. His composed and silent aura exuded masculinity. Sebastian was indeed a passionate lover and great friend, but sometimes, when you observed the two of them standing next to each other, your gaze lingered a bit too much on his teammate. He fascinated you. You never exchanged more than a few words with Kimi, but you wondered what he was like under that superficial layer of cold stares and reserved personality. You wondered what it would be like to pass a hand through that light blond hair and across that imperfect pale skin. Kimi was everything Sebastian wasn't: cold and mysterious, with a body that could have been sculpted from ice and sharp, nordic features.

Sometimes you found yourself staring at him. And some other times, you caught him staring back.

When you saw the man walk out of the frame, you hurried outside with your camera hanging on your neck. You took a picture of him striding in front of an enthusiastic red crowd pushing on the other side of the fence. Another one: a close up of his face. He looked handsome. These would go viral, if you hadn’t already decided to keep them to yourself.

The day after, the two Ferrari drivers were celebrating on the podium. Kimi in second place and Sebastian soon behind, a grin that lightened up the whole mass of Tifosi. It was almost scary how the fans cheered and screamed at them. The track burned red as they overran it, only interspersed by the team yellow symbol sparkling everywhere.

The two patted and complimented each other in the cool down room. “What a race! A big celebration awaits us tonight.” Happiness was written all over Sebastian’s face. After a few unsuccessful results, he could finally breathe.

Kimi smiled back at him.

“Wanna come over? I’ll be with Y/n.�� The german suggested, lowering his tone.

The other shook his head. “Wouldn’t dare to interrupt anything.”

“Actually, I was offering you to join us.”

Kimi raised his thin eyebrow, thinking for some seconds to have misunderstood.

Seeing his unphased expression, Sebastian put an arm across his shoulder and pulled him closer. “Kimi, she’s basically been eating you with her eyes since the beginning of the season. And I bet you don’t feel any different. I mean I don’t blame you, have you seen her?” He chuckled.

The Finn remained in silence, pondering the suggestion for a moment. “Sure you don’t mind?”

“Not at all. You know I’d share anything with you.”

You threw your arms around Sebastian’s neck and kissed his cheek when you saw him approach you. “You were amazing out there!”

Seb held you tight, unable to stop smiling. You ruffled his curls.

“Can’t wait to celebrate” you smirked at him mischievously.

Sebastian reciprocated the look. “Listen, I was thinking,” he paused, almost unsure of his own words. “Kimi could come too if you’d like.”

You frowned, confused by his words. Maybe you misheard, you thought. “What?”

“Come on, Y/n, I’m not blind, I’ve seen the way you look at him.”

Oh, so he means… You lowered your gaze, taken aback by Sebastian’s realization, your cheeks red with embarrassment. “I–”

“It’s okay. I’m not jealous of Kimi.” He lifted your chin with his fingers and smiled softly. “I want it. You just make sure to be at my hotel tonight.”

You usually didn’t wear anything particular for your encounters with Sebastian. He knows you well and he doesn’t care how you dress. Besides, usually the clothes were off before he could even look at them. This time was different though. You chose a short dress and put a little bit of makeup on. You drove to Sebastian’s hotel, and in the elevator you were almost trembling with anticipation, your heart was beating fast. You still couldn’t believe it was reality, to have the two blond Ferrari drivers at your own sole disposal.

You walked up to the door and knocked. No one answered. What if he was joking?, you thought. No, he would never make fun of you like that. You knocked again and this time the door opened instantly.

Kimi Räikkönen was standing in front of you, in jeans and t-shirt, with a passionless face and piercing ice blue eyes. You fool, expecting to see Sebastian at the door of his own room.

He slowly eyed you up and down, without a word. Your face heated up. You weren’t that much shorter than him, but in that moment he seemed to tower over you. You suddenly felt so small and young under his gaze. If with Sebastian the age difference was already noticeable, with him the gap was even larger. You were just a simple girl, standing in front of a grown handsome man. And not just any handsome man. He was the last Ferrari champion.

“Delete those pictures” he demanded in a firm tone, bringing you back into reality.

How did he noticed?

You smiled amused and crossed your arms. “No.”

Kimi kept his scrutinizing look on you. You tried to hold eye contact but ended up looking away. Damn, his eyes. “Then give them to me.”

“Not for free.” You successfully managed to speak firmly too.

He grinned and leaned on the doorframe. You blushed again, against your will. “Whatever” he commented.

“Can I come in now?”

“Pictures first.”

You were starting to lose your patience. You didn’t come here to argue over photographs, why was he acting so rude?

A voice coming from inside the room interrupted your bickering. “Kimii, stop playing with her, let her in.” You recognize it as Sebastian’s. A wave of relief washed over you as you heard his familiar voice.

Kimi finally moved to the side, allowing you to sneak inside, brushing against his arm. The German was sitting on the bed, a glass of champagne in one hand. “We were just starting the celebration. Want some?” he offered.

You shook your head. It wasn’t exactly the case to get drunk.

He got up and put the glass on a table. The room was wide and elegant, the bed sheets were of a beautiful bordeaux. Your gaze scanned the room and curiously lingered on the bouquet of vivid red roses placed on the bed. Seb picked it up and handed it to you. “For you.”

Your expression softened and your lips curved in a smile, your mood changed completely. The atmosphere shifted from cold and awkward to romantic and familiar. You smelled the roses and held them close to your chest. “Thank you.”

“It’s Kimi you should thank,” he pointed at the older man. You turned and met his shy stance. He looked back at you with hands in his pockets. Well, that was unexpected. “Truce?” you suggested.

“Truce it is,” he replied. “Don’t forget to put them in the water when you get back.”

“Oh, so you want me here after all.”

He shrugged and made some steps closer. “Yeah, I guess. Still need the pictures though.”

“Sure, right” you couldn’t help but smirk at his attempts to break the tension, “so how do you wish to pay?” you teased.

He took the bouquet from your hands and put it aside. “How about we find out?” He took one of your hands and brought it to his lips, lightly kissing your palm. “One thing at a time.”

Your heart skipped a beat. So he does speak, huh. And with a heart melting accent. “Deal.” Your hand lingered on his cheek, and before you could realize what was happening, he pulled you in a kiss. A soft kiss, at first, that gradually became more and more bold. His mouth tasted like lemon and champagne. You may have dreamed of this.

While you were lost in the feeling of Kimi’s tongue dancing with yours, a pair of long lean hands overlined your hips, settling right next to Kimi’s. With a possessive grip, Sebastian spinned you around and claimed your lips, taking the air out of your lungs. They were so different in the way they kissed, yet somehow so similar. Both driven by a prevailing urge. You fought for dominance for a moment, but soon you were forced to give up. When you were alone with Sebastian it was a working technique, but it couldn’t be with the two of them.

Kimi had started to nibble at your shoulder,moving up to needily suck the skin of your neck, his gnarled big fingers roaming over your body. You melted into his embrace, feeling his strong, toned physique against yours, his hands exploring your body with a confidence that sent shivers down your spine.

As the kiss grew more intense, you found yourself sandwiched between them. You could feel their arousal pressing into you. They were like two magnets, pulling you into their orbit.

Seb started unzipping your dress. He made it slide off your shoulders, revealing your cleavage. He stroked your nipples with his thumbs through the thin fabric of your bra. Kimi’s hands traveled downwards, caressing your waist and making the rest of your dress fall on the ground. He grabbed your hips and pressed them hard against himself. The mix of their touches, so precise and coordinated, made you moan with pleasure.

When Sebastian broke the kiss, he raised his hand to cup Kimi’s jaw and captured his lips. To your surprise, they kissed fiercely and passionately, savoring each other and your taste in their mouths. That was the hottest thing you had ever seen.

In the meantime, the Finn ably untied your bra and soon after your panties were gone too. The both of them took a long sight at your naked body. You flushed, feeling exposed and observed, so you pulled Kimi’s shirt as a sign for them to get rid of their clothes too. They took off their shirts at the same time and closed even more the gap between your bodies, trapping your bare pelvis. They started to grind against you and you really felt the need to get them both out of their jeans.

Kimi's gaze was intense, his touch was surprisingly gentle. Sebastian, on the other hand, was a whirlwind of passion, his hands eager and explorative, his mouth leaving a trail of kisses along your collarbone.

Sebastian led you to the king-sized bed, the sheets a rich, velvety crimson that matched the desire in your eyes. As you lay there, exposed and vulnerable, a wave of excitement washed over you. The anticipation was almost too much to bear, your breaths coming in shallow gasps as you felt the weight of both men on the bed. Sebastian kissed his way down your body, his mouth moving to your breasts, tongue gently tugging at your nipples as he continued to drive you wild with pleasure, before moving lower. “Seb…” you called, urging him. You couldn’t take it anymore, you needed them to touch you more.

The moment was charged with an electric current, the air thick with lust. Sebastian's tongue continued its descent, teasing and licking until you were writhing beneath them. Kimi's hand reached out to stroke Sebastian's hair, a silent gesture of approval and affection that sent a jolt of arousal through you. You felt the bed shift as Kimi positioned himself above you, his icy eyes searching yours for consent, a softness in them that you hadn't seen before. You nodded, unable to find the words, and he took possession of your lips once again, bolder than before.

Sebastian's hands slid down to your thighs, spreading your legs open as he settled himself between them. His eyes were filled with adoration as he stared up at you, the tip of his tongue tracing the seam of your sex. You gasped into Kimi's mouth as Sebastian's tongue delved deep, the sensation overwhelming. Kimi's kiss grew rougher, more possessive, as if he wanted to claim every part of you, not just the ones that Sebastian was worshiping. The tension between the two men was palpable. As Sebastian's tongue flicked, you could feel Kimi's fingers tighten around your hip, his own need growing against your side with every moan you released into his mouth.

Kimi broke the kiss, his breath ragged and his eyes smoldering with desire. He whispered something in Finnish, a language that only he and Seb could understand. The younger man raised his chin from you and smirked at him, the heat in his gaze told you it was something filthy and delicious. You felt a thrill at being the center of their attention, the object of their shared desire.

You let out a sound of complaint as Sebastian left your inside and straightened up to sit. He caressed your leg in a reassuring gesture and kissed it. “Not yet, mein schatz.”

With a final, lingering kiss, Kimi positioned himself at your entrance, shoulder to shoulder with Sebastian. Oh… You shivered with anticipation at the thought of what was about to come. The wait was eating you inside. “Kimi, please,”

You felt the head of his cock nudge against you, the coldness of him surprising against your hot, slick flesh. “Say it.” His gaze fixed on your desperate, pleading, semi-closed eyes, while he teased you with his member.

“I need you” you couldn’t find the force to resist him, not even for a little bit.

Pleased by the way your answer was delivered, he pushed in slowly, filling you inch by inch as you gasped for air.

Sebastian's mouth found your clit again, his tongue swirling in perfect harmony with Kimi's movements. You moaned, the sensation of being stretched and pleasured by two men at once overwhelming and incredible.

Sebastian's more deep blue eyes locked onto yours, the intensity of them making you feel like you were the most important person in the world. His hand reached up to stroke Kimi's shoulder in a display of camaraderie that was as erotic as it was surprising. You wrapped your legs around Kimi's waist, urging him deeper, feeling the fullness of him inside you.

Kimi's hands found yours, his grip firm and reassuring. The mix of his coolness and Sebastian's warmth was intoxicating, a heady cocktail that sent you spiraling towards climax.

The room was filled with the sounds of skin slapping against skin, muffled gasps, as Kimi began to thrust into you with a steady rhythm.

Kimi's strokes grew deeper, his pace increasing, and you could feel the tension coiling tightly within you. Sebastian's mouth returned to yours, sharing your gasps and moans as he kissed you with a ferocity that matched his friend's. And you realized with a thrill that this wasn't just about you - it was about the bond between the two men as well.

Their eyes met, and a silent understanding passed between them. Sebastian slid down the bed, taking Kimi's place between your legs.

"Mein engel," he murmured, his German endearment sending a warm shiver through you. His touch was kind, his fingers deftly preparing you for what was to come. You felt him line up with Kimi. The older mani withdrew, allowing Sebastian to fill you completely. You moaned, the sensation of being filled by both men now a reality, as Sebastian pushed in.

Kimi didn't move far, his body hovering over yours, his eyes never leaving yours. He leaned down, placing feather-light kisses along your jawline as Sebastian began to move inside you. The contrast between their touches was exquisite - one gentle, the other demanding. You felt like you were being worshiped by two gods.

Their breaths mingled with yours, the sound of their bodies moving together was sweet music to your ears. You could feel the love and friendship between them, the unspoken communication that allowed them to share you so intimately. It was a moment of pure, unbridled passion, a moment where you were the center of their universe.

And then, as if reading your mind, they switched again. Kimi slid back into you, his coldness now a welcome relief after Sebastian's warmth, his movements rougher.

Your eyes rolled back as Kimi hit that perfect spot, the one that made your back arch. Sebastian's hand found your clit, his thumb flicking it mercilessly as he kissed along your collarbone. You could feel the tension in their bodies, the need to release building as they pushed and pulled, filling you completely.

You could feel yourself getting closer to the edge as they both moved in unison, their combined efforts pushing you over the edge. You screamed out their names as you came, your body convulsing with pleasure, the sound echoing off the walls of the hotel room. They didn't stop, though, not even for a moment, continuing to move inside you, pushing you further. You could feel yourself tightening around them, the waves of pleasure crashing over you. And when you finally came down, panting and trembling, you knew that this night would be one you'd never forget.

With a final, deep thrust and a soft groan, Kimi roared out his climax, his entire body shaking as he emptied himself inside you. His grip on your hips tightened, his eyes never leaving yours, as if the connection was the only thing keeping him anchored. Sebastian watched with a mix of awe and lust, his own arousal clear in the way he pumped into you, his eyes glazed over with desire.

And then, it was Sebastian's turn. Despite your exhaustion, you wrapped your legs around him, pulling him deeper, eager to feel him come apart as you had. With a final, guttural cry, he reached his climax, finally filling you too with his warmth, his body shuddering.

You lay there, feeling more alive than you ever had before, as they both stilled, their breathing ragged and their bodies slick with sweat. You felt cherished and loved, the lines between friendship and desire blurred into a beautiful tapestry of intimacy.

Sebastian pulled out of you gently, a look of pure adoration on his face as he collapsed beside you, his arm draped over your waist. Their release dripped out of you, sliding down your thigh. Kimi leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead before rolling to your other side, his hand finding yours. The three of you lay there in silence, hearts racing, bodies entwined. You’d do anything to not let this be the last time with the two teammates, even if it meant for you to hide those pictures from Kimi forever.

[destinyc1020]

When you guys say "Tom didn't think Z would be interested in someone like him" what's that someone like him? What does that mean?

It's one thing to say maybe he thought sje was out of his league but the someone like him always makes me iffy

Yea, that's basically what I meant. Like she was maybe out of his league. Keep in mind, he had seen her dancing to Beyoncé in the car video and remembered it, so obviously he thought she was pretty and already sorta had an idea of who she was lol. That was even BEFORE the table read. 😏

Plus, Tom may have thought that an American girl like Zendaya wouldn't like someone like him (i.e. practically a nobody, British, White, shorter than her, etc), like let's get real lol.😅

Also, keep in mind that most White men don't assume that Black women like them like that (ESPECIALLY American Black women) , cuz most American Black women claim that they don't like White men like that, and shout it proudly from the mountain tops that only Black men "need apply" when it comes to romantic relationships lol. 😅

Did I mention that Tom is also shorter than her? MOST men, regardless of race, assume that most women, especially TALL women, like Zendaya, prefer men taller than them. 🤷🏾‍♀️

And then, you just add to the fact that Zendaya is GORGEOUS, and that can automatically be very intimidating to ANY man lol 😆

But I think when Tom actually met her in person and saw that she was not only gorgeous with minimal makeup, but also VERY sweet and down to earth, and they had lots in common, it's not shocking to me that he felt an attraction to her. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Even Z herself was probably not expecting to fall for Tom, but she saw how funny, charming, sweet, and down to earth he was, and more importantly, how KIND he was, and of course she fell for him! It's not rocket science folks lol 😆 😂

[hayscodings]

debbie is the only character in the entire series who never looked down on svetlana for her work or called her by some derogatory name