#and was probably put to bed as well

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Teehee! (Spritesheets your Wangxian)

[wigglebox]

Suptober [Extended] - Day 27 || Books

[smalltimidbean]

IT'S THE WORLD'S MOST SPECIALIST GUY, EVERYONE CLAP NAOW!!! (silly!!!)

Satoshi but as a Fake Peppino clone, so no longer Satoshi but still mostly them jlkdfgkj

They do need a different name tho, bc my food-themed naming scheme can not be ruined!!! (silly! I already messed up on that early on, but still jkfdjkfsd) - I would refer to them by number, but I am leaning towards them being one of Mr D'Angiolini's... 'Special Request' clones for 'Personal Use', so they wouold not have a number, but I have not decided yet!

For now; They are here, and ready to get sillay

[squishosaur]

hey man. i'm just saying. why would we put inexperienced teenagers with over-inflated egos and obvious emotional issues into combat classes and make them claw their way to the top of their dorms and expect things to just run smoothly. who actually thought this

[eigong]

… I WOULD LIKE TO FORMALLY APOLOGIZE FOR STARTING THE CHAIN OF EVENTS THAT ARE CURRENTLY FUCKING UP YOUR QUALITY OF LIFE.

UH.

YEAH.

I DO NOT FEEL REMORSE BUT I CANNOT HELP BUT REGRET WHAT I HAVE DONE AFTER THIS RATHER PITIFUL DISPLAY OF.. ALMOST BEING DEAD FOR SEVERAL DAYS ON END.

👋👋

🏃‍♂️

I have felt it before, that certainty, that death knell of the self. Knowing, because you are being warned by your own body as it barely fights to stay alive, that you could close your eyes and never open them again. Drift off as easily as falling into sleep, or perhaps easier.

That young woman I used to be, I recall her—disoriented and bloody, head wrapped in bandages, laid upon a clinic bed. Resting there in the nothingness that resides between two life-changing points, the stretch of time after the infliction of a terrible hurt but before the healing. Survival. Being struck with that profound numbness.

How dare I be put through this again?

Anyway apology acceptead i appreciate it

[domeniudulce]

The idea that Gascoigne and Henryk were hunting partners (presumably with Henryk being Gascoigne's elder and mentor) and that Viola was Henryk's daughter is the funniest shit. Like how do you think that went over.

[naenaex0xx]

maybe I'm comfortable with tumblr because I get to say things I don't usually tell anyone

[abimee]

ruyan is literally so beautiful that i get ill looking at her

[hnnny]

All I can say is I adore Marissa...and I feel like her hair would be really soft and I would like to pet it :3

[goldkirk]

I have the Lord of the Rings extended edition and I’m going to walk on the treadmill for 2.5 hours straight while watching it today to see if I have enough endurance now to do 20,000 steps a day

[roboyomo]

for some reason, mid-story apollo clearly being distressed is what i wanted to draw earlier today (long tags,,)

[babacontainsmultitudes]

Y’all so there’s a good chunk of times in season one where Glenn insists on using a silly fucking voice as part of his cover and I’ve convinced myself that Glenn used to tell bedtime stories to Nick when he was little and put on those same silly voices and little Nick would just find them sooo funny and-

[critterchitters-closedcaptions]

trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.

vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍

[gigawatt-smile]

My bed broke (don't worry) so im clearing out my room and i really don't want to so if anyone wants to send in asks to help me procrastinate please do i cam draw you lockwood & co cats or something

[phagodyke]

truly incredible gig tn atmosphere was stunning and also I was stood almost just behind maybe The most handsome butch I have ever seen in my life im not even exaggerating and they were also there alone (VERY rare at this show) and we made eye contact like twice bc they turned around a couple times and as I was leaving I realised they were suddenly right next to me and then I lost them in thr crowd!!!!! and im kicking myself so fucking hard bc I so badly wanted to catch them just to tell them I've never seen someone so gorgeous in my entire life im stone cold sober btw just completely losing my mind. And there were prolly a couple thousand ppl it was so so busy coming out of the venue and ive already walked half the way home theres no chance I'll find them now but I still keep scanning people that pass me in case it's them. tearing my hair out coughing up blood I'll never forget u come back to me i need to shoot my shot pls.....

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

I don't have a lot of energy these days [because of The Horrors] so I'm looking at my day and my priorities and trying to plan how I'm going to spend what energy I have, because I do need to be able to rest and relax but there are also things that need doing and that is a careful balance for me.

I managed to [mostly] clean the kitchen last night so I've kicked it out of the priority list until next weekend. Unfortunately the living room, bathroom, bedroom, and my office all need cleaning too. I think of the priorities, my office and the bedroom are the most important to me, so I'll probably push the living room and bathroom until at least Friday.

There's also the laundry. I don't have any clean clothes and as we're moving into winter I need to be more rigid about getting that done because days where the clothes can be dried on the line will be more limited. So I definitely need to wash an outfit or two and hang them up in the next hour.

That's already a really busy day, so I'll probably cut it there. But it's definitely going to still leave me a lot of work this week. Half my cleaning, at least one more round of laundry, settling dog food for the next couple of weeks, planting the fall/winter greens, doing some set up work on my computer, work on some writing projects, cleaning out the fridge, and patching some worn clothes. My work week isn't insane atm, but it is definitely limiting. Right now I have 6+4+0+4+2+5+5= 25 non work/non-survival needs (sleep, food, shower, etc) hours available each week. I need to figure out a regukar distribution of these that means everything is getting done and I still have an hour a day to myself as often as possible. I think it's probably not realistic to give myself more than an hour a day for free time/fun, which is a bit unfortunate because I've found in the past that my floor tends to be getting 2-3hrs of free time most days because of how I deal with transition and decision-making.

25-7 [1hr per day] is 18 hrs, so I just need to decide where and how to distribute those in order to keep pace with things.

Lets say the garden needs 3hrs per week, the laundry needs 4 hours (specifically 2 sets of 2 morning/early afternoon hours), the cleaning needs an hour a day to get through a maintenance clean of the house, and 3 hours once a week to work down any deep cleaning that's built up. Which is....already three more hours than I actually have each week. So I guess I'll make a plan to work in the garden for 20-40min of 4 of my free hours each week.

It really doesn't leave me any wiggle room. Only about 4 hours a week that isn't explicitly allotted to something that needs doing, which means there will probably me a lot of weeks where I only get an hour or so at best across the whole thing for free time. I guess I've had a hard time accepting that at this point, having actual time for myself or a time-intensive project is only available if I've taken a day off work. I love my job, but it's ... not comfortable to realize that it's the only love in my life I actually have time for anymore.

I think that's probably why I end up here so much. It's this mindless little way of zoning out into my own head, dissociating away from the exhaustion, for a few minutes at a time. I keep thinking I want to use this space differently, make it more if the things I enjoy. But I think what I really want is just to actually have the time and energy to do things I love that take work. I keep crying a few times every day and I couldn't figure out why, but like

I dunno

Why **wouldn't** I cry a little every day? It's the closest I'm getting to actual emotional release or relaxation in my life. We'd probably all cry. Heck. A lot of us probably DO, capitalism being what it is.

I guess I'm starting to wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing. What is there left for me to sacrifice to this life? What is actually serving me about not just letting myself go up like a fireball and take my surroundings with me? What in the ever loving fuck am I fighting this hard for?

All I ever want, all I want now, is to be able to live. To really, actually live. How does wanting to live bring you this close to killing yourself, whether on accident or on purpose? What am I actually doing that is LIVING and what am I doing that is FACILITATION of living? It can't all be facilitation, or I'm not actually facilitating fuck all.

I'm 30 goddamn years old and I need to figure out what it looks like to actually love my life. I fundamentally refuse to zombify myself like this for everyone else around me forever.