#and was curious about it but didn't explore the possible reasons why

[bookishjules]

very true!!! i honestly had forgotten both of those very good points. and i suppose the conclusion to that would be that heavenly fire also wouldn't be as effective on them as it would even on humans.. it does add up. like they really wouldn't need the extra angel blood to counteract the demon side if greater demons themselves already retained some angelic ability

Julian and Emma being talked down from being burned alive.... lol. lmao even.

[prokopetz]

I'm curious for your thoughts on the most left field take I've heard on d&d 4e - specifically, that it is best dusted off if you want to play as magical girls.

I'm aware there are far better ttrpgs for such a goal, but it was such an odd analysis of 4e that it stuck in my head for years since.

Basically, the problem with tabletop RPGs that a. expect a non-trivial amount of system mastery when it comes to building characters, and b. support multiple distinct modes of play is that people who enjoy throwing big numbers around are going to be tempted to spec heavily into one of those modes of play at the expense of sucking at all of the others. You see this issue in many flavours of D&D, where characters who spec heavily into combat end up with no cool toys to play with in exploration mode, and characters who spec heavily into exploration struggle to contribute in combat. It creates a perverse incentive to make yourself bored at the table because you're constantly spending 50% of each session twiddling your thumbs.

One approach to solving this problem is to institute some form of game-mechanical siloing: player characters are given distinct, non-competing sets of rules toys for each supported mode of play, so it's not desirable – perhaps not even possible – to favour one by short-changing the others. This is the approach that D&D4E tried, largely successfully. However, some players found it counterintuitive, because it didn't provide a good narrative rationale for why your character's rules toys should be siloed in this fashion. You ended up with players squinting at the flavour text of their combat moves and arguing that a strict reading suggested their rogue ought to be able to double-jump, or trying to drop into exploration mode in the middle of a combat round in order to take advantage of one of their exploration mode rules toys, both of which tended to break the game in interesting ways.

Conversely, when there is a good narrative rationale for why player characters aren't allowed to cross the streams in a game which supports multiple distinct modes of play, such siloing can be an easier sell. Take Tumblr's favourite indie game Lancer, for example; Lancer has a great deal of D&D4E's DNA in it, except its two mechanically distinct modes of play aren't "combat" and "exploration": they're "piloting a giant robot" and "not piloting a giant robot". There's typically very little narrative ambiguity regarding whether or not you are, in fact, currently piloting a giant robot, so D&D4E style siloing of player-facing rules toys rarely creates situations that are difficult to reason about.

And what's another popular genre of media which will handily furnish any tabletop RPG based on with a built-in narrative rationale for having two mechanically distinct modes of play?

Yep: magical girls.

[jiraisupportgroup]

˗ˋˏ ♡ Jirai Kei Survey Results ♡ ˎˊ˗

(NOTE!! I re-opened it because I saw some people saying they were sad they didn’t respond!! It’s open again! You can take it here)

Hi hi!!! First of all, I'm so sorry that this took me like an entire month to make, and second of all thank you to everyone who participated in the survey I posted a while ago! It got 89 total responses which is awesome!! So many more than I was expecting, you guys are awesome ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

I've got a spreadsheet of all the answers given in October 2024 here if you want to go view them for yourself ^-^ (I have redacted pronouns and location for privacy sake)

I also went through and read everyone's answers and pulled some of the main points / focuses people had to make into little graphics for simplification and comparison's sake (This is a huge part of why it took so long because I didn't want to misrepresent anyone's points so I went person by person and considered all of their answers and overall vibe before pulling the main points just to make sure I wasn't accidentally changing or misunderstanding their points).

Please keep in mind: 89 people is NOT a large enough sample size to extrapolate this to the entirety of the Jirai Kei community - this is really just an exploration of the people who answered the survey - it does not represent the feelings of the community as a whole. This survey is derived from the western community as the survey is in English and was posted in primarily English-speaking areas.

Also just as a note I messed up when making the selections for the ages and put 18-21 and then 21-25 so people of the age of 21 could have picked either - this isn't ideal but since I messed it up in the original choice options I'm keeping it listed as that because I think changing 21-25 to 22-25 would be disingenuous.

I'm going to go question by question and kind of break it down if you're interested! I'm also going to try and remain mostly neutral and not really put my personal opinions in here. My main goal is to kind of break down what was said in the survey.

Demographics:

It's a pretty good mix of people. Also, hi!!! So many of you are from so far away!!!! That was really exciting to see. To be honest, it was super cool to see how this community encompasses people from all over the world!!! (Also, as a note here, there was one person who answered the survey who was over 40. I included their answers in the 26-30 range just for simplicity sake.)

I also did not make a graphic for the pronouns: primarily she / her, followed by they / them or any / all, followed by he / him or he / they pronouns just in case you were curious. I also took the pronouns out of the original answers document since I know quite a few people use neo-pronouns which are quite unique and I didn't want anyone to see those and connect that person to their answers, I wanted it to remain as anonymous as possible. I redacted the locations for the same reason.

I did not make a graphic for the languages either but those are included in the original answers spreadsheet that I have linked above. Many people speak Japanese, Russian, German, Spanish, and French. Those were the main answers besides English.

I don't have too much to say about the social medias to be honest. Discord, Youtube, and Twitch are likely under-represented in this since they were write-ins and not part of the general selection.

How did you first hear about Jirai Kei?

I don't have a graphic for this one either. It looks like most people learned about it because they already had an interest in j-fashion. A decent number of people mentioned Needy Streamer Overload. Lots of people came from Pinterest, Instagram, TikTok, and Tumblr. Many people also said they were into Menhera and came from there.

How would you describe Jirai Kei to someone who hasn't heard of it before?

Again, no graphic for this one - highly reccommend to go read some of the answers on the linked sheet above. It was pretty split between people talking about the aesthetics & fashion vs people talking about the mental health community. A lot of people mentioned that if they were talking to someone they didn't know very well or who didn't have any knowledge of j-fashion they would say it's a style and move on, while if they were talking to a friend or someone who did know a little more about j-fashion they would talk more about the mental health aspects and history of the subculture.

A few quotes (I'm trying to get a good mixture of opinions in here, please note these are mostly smaller parts of larger answers - this goes for all the quotes added in this post): ♡ "Usually it's easier for me to just send the wikipedia link to people though honestly" ♡ "a subculture of mostly young women with mental illness who share certain interests in jfashion etc..." ♡ "...a lot of ppl often tell me it just sounds like the jp version of emo." ♡ "A subculture for mentally ill people who can’t, won’t, or don’t want to recover" ♡ "depending on my knowledge on their opinions on mental health, i'd either go with a basic explanation of the fashion if they dont seem like the type to be sympathetic of ppl with mental health issues, but if they seem like the sympathetic type, i'd go more into detail of the origins and lifestyle associated with the subculture." ♡ "Being cute despite your mental illness! Also a bit of consumerism and idol worship..." ♡ "It's mainly a stereotype" ♡ "I would recommend watching cybr.grls video on jirai kei " ♡ "It’s an alternative japanese fashion style with frilly, lacey, and dark garments! The main colors it will be are very muted pinks, blacks, grays, whites, or even reds or purples (albeit rare)" ♡ "Jirai Kei is the term used to describe the fashion style related to Jirais / Landmines , which was a derogatory term used to describe mentally ill girls who had an “explosive” personality , wearing cute clothing to distract / hide men from their personality. It usually consists of frills , ribbons and lace , blouses and skirts , with a colour palette of black and muted colour varients like pink and blue , and white. "

To your understanding where does Jirai Kei come from? What's it's history?

Again, no graphic for this one (T-T these are just too complex for me to comfortably break down into bite-size pieces). Most people talked about the Toyoko kids, a bit less talked about host / hostess clubs, and quite a few vague nods to Kabukicho in general. About a fifth of the people just talked about overall mental health in Japan. Interesting mixture of answers - different people seem to latch on to different parts of the origins, which is likely based on what they relate with the most. I was surprised that only a few people mentioned the "Jirai Kei" makeup trend of 2019/2020 - I honestly thought that would be talked about a little bit more ngl. Interesting read for sure.

A few quotes: ♡ "jirai kei became seen as clothes worn by dangerous or unstable women, hence the trend " ♡ "the history between jirai kei && the toyoko kids sometimes get mixed together because of their resemblances , but it's important to note the two are different . jirai kei define an instable person who will explode at some point like a bomb , but you don't know when ( landmine ) . initially , it was mostly used to refer to girls who threaten their boyfriend to kill him or themselves if the boy left them . since jirais are disordered or mentally ill , they often engage in unhealthy behaviours . the toyoko kids on the other hand are teens who ran away from home to live in the streets instead . most of them suffered from abuse && causally have disorders or illnesses . this is where the two subcultures came together to form one : the jirai kei we know now..." ♡ " The clothing style that is most typically seen on social media stems from the fact that these clothes where cute but cheap to come by. " ♡ "Jirai kei as a term originated from misogynistic men calling mentally ill women “explosive.” The style came from poor (unfortunately, often sex workers) youth in Japan. It how we’ve became popularized and somewhat mainstream there after a while." ♡ "then in 2020 people started dressing up in stereotypical "toyoko kid/jirai woman style" to make fun of them before brands saw how popular this trend became and decided to start selling clothes based off this idea. the original style is known as dark girly kei which uses elements from both dark girly and girly kei the latter being a style that was popular with 2010s gyaru and evolved to incorporate french girly and dark girly motifs making it what it is today. other styles such as subcul and suna kei are also extremely popular with jirai to the point of being synonymous with the style." ♡ "...Thus, the fashion style was associate with "Jirai Onna" and became "Jirai Kei". The fashion style extended beyond Kabukicho and many girls and women wear the style in Japan due to the kawaii look and the popularity of the style within many fashion brands. Another demographic that has popularised Jirai Kei is idol fangirls who wore girly kei and jirai kei fashion. The style was also given the term "ryousangata" meaning "mass produced" an insult basically calling the girls who wear the style "basic"."

What do you think differentiates Jirai Kei from other subcultures?

Okay since this is the first type of this graphic we're seeing let me explain what you're looking at. I took key points or words and quantified how many people mentioned it as a larger part of their explanation. There were a LOT of other things mentioned these were just the ones that came up repeatedly.

Many people were confused by this question and said there are too many differences to even describe, which is completely fair. There were two main types of answers to this question. The first is that fashion is what makes it different because it's a fashion-based subculture or if not fashion-based, fashion is a big part of it. The other is that it's a community based around mental health primarily unlike other subcultures which are based on fashion or music. A lot of people who mentioned this went on to say that the thing that differentiates it from Menhera specifically (because menhera is also based in mental and physical health) was the idea that Menhera is very recovery, resource, and awareness focused, while Jirai Kei isn't focused on those things at all and is more so just people looking for a sense of community.

A few quotes: ‪♡ "menhera is art and advocacy focused, jirai is community focused. menhera also is more recovery focused often, whereas jirai places no emphasis on that at all" ‪♡ "Dawg idk how to tell you this… there’s too many examples and they’re all so different" ♡ "For starters, its background story, the clothing doesn't look the same either.... Jirai culture is not really focused on getting better mentally, much on the contrary... being mentally ill is praised, spending an insane amount of money on clothes you don't exactly need is praised...." ‪♡ "I’ve seen jp jirais say that jirai kei is whatever a jirai girl chooses to wear, it can literally be anything. However, at the moment it visually is a combination of menhera and dark girly kei. Because it’s new though, it’s already having subsets form and change that." ♡ "i think jirai is unique in its rejection of the “just get better” culture a lot of places have. Most people think of inability or unwillingness to improve a moral failing. " ‪♡ "Jirai Kei has a distinct history and recognisable style" ♡ "menhera is about finding a community that wishes to accept you and want to encourage you to get better jirai kei is not about wanting to get better thats a very important distinction" ♡ " - idk how to explain??? It’s like asking what differenciates gyaru and goth lol" ♡ "the subcul is definitely viewed in an extremely negative way compared to other subculs, even menhera. I also think that other subculs like Emo, Anime, and Idol culture revolve a lot around the fashion aspect. While jirai is best known for the Dark Girly fashion, i think that jirai in itself, as mentioned before, is more about the lifestyle that we life, our mental health, and the struggles we go through either on purpose or not" ‪♡ "for many i'd say the fashion is what differenciates them. while they can overlap with common traits under the other subcultures, it's still quite different." ♡ "i do believe that the associated fashions (again, not just dark girly, but also tenshi kaiwai, subcul, etc.) are necessary to set a landmine apart from these cultures. the fashions is a huge part of the subculture and sets it apart from these other mental-health based subcultures. that is why i personally believe that a landmine must at least wear the associated fashions OCCASIONALLY to be considered part of the subculture."

What kind of Jirai Kei content do you engage with the most?

This one again, no graphic. Top answer was outfit / coord posts (82%), second most common was vent posts (67.4%), third was dark humour (58.2%)

Are you interested in the fashions associated with Jirai Kei? Which ones?

Again, not too much to say overall about this.

One thing to note is that some of these answers could technically be lumped in with other ones, like "all of them" could be counted towards Dark Girly Kei, Girly Kei, Tenshi Kaiwai, etc but I kept it separate. Same with "Jirai IS the fashion" which could be lumped into Dark Girly Kei but again I kept it separate unless they mentioned it in their answer.

The one that isn't like that is "No Interest" because if someone was of the mind that the fashion is called Jirai Kei and said they weren't interested in the other fashions they're in the "Jirai IS the fashion" count, while the people in the "No Interest" count were of the idea that the name of the fashion is not Jirai Kei and is rather Dark Girly Kei so they have their own count.

What role do you think the asssociated fashions play in Jirai Kei? Do you need to wear them to be considered "Jirai" or part of the community?

Again, this has been vastly simplified but I tried really hard not to misunderstand or misrepresent anyone's points. The categories names are a bit strange so let me explain what I mean by them:

‪♡ "No, it's a lifestyle" - This person believes that you do not have to wear the associated fashions to be part of the Jirai Kei community because it is first and foremost a subculture based around mental health and finding people who relate to you that you can talk to about these things. They also tend to believe "Jirai Kei" is the not proper name for the fashion, and that to be part of the Jirai Kei community you must be either mentally ill or at least open and understanding about mental illness. ‪♡ "No, it's both a lifestyle and a fashion" - This person believes that you do not have to wear the associated fashions to be part of the Jirai Kei community. They tend to believe that Jirai Kei is both a lifestyle and a fashion, and you can participate in either the overarching mental health community based around Jirai Kei or the fashion side of things and be accepted either way. This kind of answer tended to imply that both the people looking for a mental health-related safe space and people who just like the fashion are welcome. ‪♡ "Yes, it's both a lifestyle and a fashion" - This person believes you do have to wear the associated fashions to be part of the Jirai Kei community. They tend to believe that Jirai Kei is the proper title for both the mental health subculture and the overarching fashion and you have to participate in both to be considered part of the Jirai Kei community. ‪♡ "Yes, it's a fashion" - This person believes Jirai Kei is a fashion style, if you wear it, you are welcome in the Jirai Kei community.

A few quotes: ‪♡ "the fashion has almost taken over the community, and overshadows its origins." ‪♡ "I don‘t think the Fashion is the central aspect, but it brings people in. It’s historically speaking a part of Jirai Kei, but not the most inportant thing. You can be Jirai and not dress like it." ‪♡ "Yes to be considered Jirai one should wear the clothing of the subculture they are trying to claim. I don’t think you have to branch out into any jirai substyles though if it’s not your vibe." ‪♡ "No if you're a lifestyle jirai, yes if you're a fashion jirai. If you're a lifestyle jirai I think just wanting to be jirai is enough" ‪♡ "i definitely do think that people who dont wear the fashion can be considered jirai, as thats how the word originally got its meaning, though nowadays its definitely more recognized as a fashion style." ‪♡ "It's just a part of the stereotype because a lot of us happen to wear it not because we need to." ‪♡ "it’s such an enormous part of the subculture that leaving out the fashion aspect makes your “landmineness” indistinguishable from a thousand other subcultures." ‪♡ "i think the fashion gave way to helping people who are mentally unwell or don’t feel good find and outlet to feel better, wether it be makeup, or the clothes for me it makes me feel pretty and distracts from the fact i’m depressed. i think just wearing “jirai” as a fashion or style doesn’t necessarily mean you are unwell though, you can participate and be okay in the head lmao, and ofc be in the community. i think the problem lies within the title of jirai. " ‪♡ "i don't think you necessarily NEED to wear them to be jirai, but i think that an interest in them is pretty important because the fashion and aesthetics are closely intertwined with the subculture " ‪♡ "I actually think the biggest thing to a Jirai look is Jirai makeup. I think as long as you have that, then you are Jirai enough. " ‪♡ "While I don't think you have to wear the fashion to be jirai, the fashion does play a big part in the subculture and people need to acknowledge that. " ‪♡ "to an extent, yes you do, but it's more important just to have an interest in them. nobody needs to wear them 24/7 and if you can't afford clothes then it is what it is, but you can't really call yourself jirai if you have no interest in one of the main aspects of the subculture (the aesthetics)" ‪♡ "nah, as long as u wear alternative fashion and know ur shit and participate in the culture ur fine."

Can non-Japanese people be "Jirai"? Why or why not?

Most people said yes (which is kind of to be expected since this is in English and most of the people who answered are not Japanese so I will note this is biased), but a lot of people brought up different points.

Some of the "yes" pool are people who believe Jirai Kei is just a fashion and brought that up as their point. Some of the "yes" pool are people who are more into the mental health side of things and talked about how people in different countries still experience mental struggles and that's something everyone can relate to in their own way.

The "Yes but it's different" pool is mostly comprised of people talking about the mental health aspects of the community and mentioning that although foreigners can be part of the Jirai Kei community, it is important to understand that the things that many Japanese "Jirai"s go through are things that we will not experience due to the differences in our mental health care resources / infrastructure and the infrastructure of the Japanese sex-work industry. Essentially, we can go through really similar things but the overall cultures make it quite different.

Some Quotes: ‪♡ "yes, especially when a trend originally comes from sex work in which non-japanese people living in japan are overrepresented." ‪♡ "Yes, I’ve seen from the pov’s of Japanese landmines and they are open to it because we’re all supposed to be there for each other because nobody else is" ♡ ‪"Yeah, I think they can be, BUT they shouldn't go around acting like they are the template for what a landmine is, or demanding changes to the culture, just because they wear the fashion and/or are mentally ill. It's roots lie in Japan, so the "originals" are still Japanese Jirais" ‪♡ "of course they can ! never did the term refer to exclusively japanese people . even when the initial term " merged " with the toyoko kids , it didn't make it an exclusively japanese term . as long as you fit the " criterias " , you can be a jirai if you choose to label yourself as one ! ♡" ‪♡ "Nowadays I'd like to consider it a fashion style and fashion styles travel all around the world as long as u don't claim to be japanese cause you are wearing jirai you are good. You should also respect and learn the story of the style before u decide to wear it since it's more troubling than other styles." ‪♡ "Very unlikely. There are many factors that would eliminate most people to be "true Jirai kei" ie. experiencing homelessness as well as involved with sex work and host club addiction. Emily from the suburbs who lives with her family and has depression could not be Jirai kei but can partake in the cool fashion. Calling themselves Jirai would not be up to par with the real meaning of it." ‪♡ "Yes. The Japanese jirais don’t seem to disagree so I’m not sure why I would." ‪♡ "yes of course, its important to say that non japanese people often have different issues as japanese people but that doesnt make them less valid meaning they can still use the style as representation of their own issues" ‪♡ "yes and no. if you disregard the fashion and makeup or frame jirai kei as a "menhera" community when its not then you dont really deserve to call yourself a jirai onna. acknowledging that your generally live a better life because of your privilege of being outside of japan. though i can understand calling yourself a jirai onna if you suffer extremely similar problems to that of toyoko kids especially if you suffer from BPD." ‪♡ "Ofc it's clothes" ‪♡ "Yes, of course! Jirai kei is for anyone and I don't see a reason why people can't participate/ want to gatekeep it. I just think it's important to learn about the history and not be a jerk to those who participate in only the lifestyle or only the fashion part."

What does "Jirai Kei" mean to you personally? Why do you associate with the subculture?

I chose to make a word map for this to kind of point towards some of the most repeated words throughout the answers. A lot of these answers are very sad to read (just a heads up before you start going through them), but that is kind of to be expected. Most people mention mental illness and personal struggles with things like EDs, SH, alcoholism, other unhealthy coping mechanisms, or relationship issues. The thing that really stood out to me was that a majority of the people who are of the idea that "Jirai Kei" is the name of the fashion still brought up how the community feels comforting to them because they struggle with mental illnesses and relationship issues. Very few people just said "I like the clothes", most people also mentioned mental struggles in their answers.

I think that's an important thing to note. It really highlights the fact that you never know what someone is going through behind the screen. You only know what they choose to post, and many people choose to post cute outfit photos and things of that nature, but they still can be hurting behind all of that.

A few quotes: ‪♡ "it’s comforting to identify as one and feel like there’s a subculture out there of people who feel similarly to me. everyone connects with the label in different ways" "I like being able to relate with people and have somewhere to post my vents and get things off my chest without judgment" ‪♡ " i was paranoid for not being mentally ill enough for the community, i was absolutely terrified of making jirais mad at me and being rejected. to this day i am terrified of the day when they decide i did not suffer enough to be a jirai. but such a thought is twisted in and of itself, right?" ‪♡ " I love dressing up as fashion is a major coping mechanism for me and I feel delighted at being able to express myself through clothes: it is an art form. Dressing in the subculture's fashions has allowed me to express myself and come to terms with my experiences and who they made me today." ‪♡ "Funny enough my mom calls me a jirai girl (in a derogatory way since she has a typical older japanese person mindset) but i don't mind saying that i am one without shame. especially because i don't believe that my mental illness is something that should be stigmatized and judged. calling myself jirai feels liberating in a way..." ‪♡ "I feel like because I cannot wear the style (not enough money + sizing is difficult) I cannot call myself Jirai kei but I notice others who don’t wear the style call themselves Jirai, which is comforting. I’ve always struggled with mental health for most of my life and I’ve always loved Jfashion subcultures, so obviously I was drawn to Jirai." ‪♡ " i do think people who just wear dark girly kei should be careful when using the term jirai kei if they aren't in the subculture though. i see people say they're jirai and then mock the mentally ill people like?? you aren't jirai you WEAR jirai kei 💀💀 there is a difference!!" ‪♡ "i am also transgender - my girlhood is very important and nostalgic to me but it is also inseparable from dysphoria and sickness, and i think dark girly/jirai fashion helps me to express that." ‪♡ "I found I appreciated the relaxed attitude towards mental health struggles, nightlife activities and a visual indicator that someone might be a little “dangerous” or someone that likes to party." ‪♡ "when I first started, "I want to become cute!" was a big theme I was seeing. I can be cute even though I'm ugly and have bad mental health and it's ok. the style of the clothes is the biggest appeal." ‪♡ "I honeslty really only associate myself with the fashion aspect of it, since it’s something I really love. So instead of calling myself “Jirai”, I like to say I “dress in Jirai” instead." ‪♡ "To me, it's just the clothes. I don't call myself Jirai by itself because it's insulting"

What would you say the pre-requisites to being part of the Jirai Kei community are?

40% of people mentioned mental illness or struggles as a main part of the subculture. There were different approaches to the way that they mentioned it though. Some people were saying "you should be mentally ill since 'Jirai' is an insult used against mentally ill people and the explosive nature is part of the subculture" and others were saying "If you are mentally healthy you should stay away from Jirai Kei to protect yourself because you're going to see triggering things".

Many people said you don't have to be mentally ill to be part of the community, but you should understand that you are going to be interacting with people who are mentally ill and not bully people for venting. Some people said you have to be mentally ill and not wanting or willing to recover to be part of the community (although this was only 3% of people).

On the other hand, about 16% of people said that the only thing you need to do to be part of the community is wear the clothing.

People who mentioned both mental illness and clothing in their answers were divided into 4 different categories: ‪♡ "Mental illness" - they mention the fashion but state is it not a requirement for the community ‪♡ "Wear the fashion" - they may or may not mention mental illness, but do not think it is a requirement for the community ‪♡ "Wear the clothes AND be mentally ill" - they mention both and think both are required for the community ‪♡ "Wear the clothes OR be mentally ill" - they mention both and think you can either participate in the fashion side of things or the mental health side of things, but you don't have to participate in both.

Many people also mentioned doing the makeup as a big part of it. Some of the people who mentioned makeup as a requirement said that even if you don't wear the clothes as long as you do the makeup you're good.

A lot of people also said if you like the clothes or the community or whatever you're all good, so long as you don't bully anyone. Their general vibe was that anyone is welcome to hang out so long as they aren't mean to others. (Many people counted in the "don't be mean to 'fashion' onlys are also counted in the "don't be mean to 'lifestyle' onlys category as well. And as a note a lot of them didn't use those terms specifically I just used them to shorten "people who only wear the clothing" and "people who only participate in the mental health community" because those are looooooooong titles)

There isn't an overarching general consensus. It is very split and debated. (Which we all know). A lot of people were very passionate about their definitions though, which is to be expected. Mental health is a very touchy and personal topic for a lot of people, so people on both sides have really passionate emotions about it.

A few quotes: ‪♡ "i think people who are mentally healthy should stay away from the community; both so they don’t judge those whose thoughts they don’t understand but also for their own protection and comfort. the topics talked about in jirai spaces are triggering and disturbing. i don’t blame, nor judge jirais forthe abusive behavior neurotypicals could accuse them of — it is often not their fault and a mentally healthy person could easily harm a jirai as well. i think such interactions would end up with mutual suffering on each side." ‪♡ " to call yourself a jirai you need to wear the makeup, the clothes, and suffer from some sort of mental illness especially if your livelihood is often threatened by the fact you have these conditions. and its OKAY to not cal yourself a jirai its NOT A GOOD THING to want to be a jirai mentally ill people who call themselves jirai onna are mentally ill and just find comfort in some form by the title." ‪♡ ". i do feel like these are two separate communities with some overlap, especially with the recent western discourse. i don't like these terms as i feel they are a bit harsh but there is a difference between "fashion only jirai" and "lifestyle jirai". of course anyone can appreciate cool clothes but the landmine side of the community deserves a safe space to talk about their issues and relate to each ‪other without uneducated jirai kei wearers bashing them" ‪♡ "i wouldnt say you necessarily have to be struggling mentally to be considered jirai kei, but i dont personally like the way some fashion only jirais negatively talk about the more lifestyle jirais at times. i also however dont think lifestyle jirais should be actively trying to call people out for being a fashion only jirai. it could end up being quite harmful, as you never really know what people are going through." ‪♡ "You may have a mental illness such as BPD which directly links to the “Explosive Landmine” personality. Otherwise it’s fine to just call yourself a Fashion Landmine and only wear Jirai Kei without “being Jirai”." ‪♡ "It really depends on if someone likes the fashion only, identifies as a jirai (landmine person), or both. Someone who likes the fashion may just say they dress in jirai kei clothes. Also, just because someone identifies themselves as a stereotypical jirai and calls themselves just landmine doesn't always mean they wear the fashion either; although it's more common for someone to do both and straight-up call themselves jirai." ‪♡ "being mentally ill (and i mean... cmon a little more than just depression and anxiety because like all of gen z struggles with that((this isn't the mental illness olympics but this is meant to be a safe space for people struggling with more severe illnesses))) and owning like a few coords that isn't that one DML coord that everyone has and wearing the damn makeup" ‪♡ "I think just respecting the community. You don't have to be "mentally ill enough" to join but you do need to respect people no matter their problems and coping mechanisms." ‪♡ "Hot take but if you’re not a Jirai in Japan you’re not a true Jirai and I don’t mean the fashion I’m talking about life choices . You can wear the fashion without having to call yourself a landmine" ‪♡ "there's no requirement, anyone can wear the fashion. it's just clothes."

Do you feel like there is a difference between "Jirai Kei" and "Landmine Kei"?

Most people said no, which is the kind of idea that I had but I wanted to ask because I have seen people use them in different ways. Most of the people who said yes said that in English-speaking circles Landmine is used more to talk about the mental health aspects of things while Jirai is used more when talking about the fashion or overall community. Which I think is interesting. It seems to me that separating Landmine and Jirai is another way that people try to separate the clothing from the mental health community like the distinction people make between Jirai Kei and Dark Girly Kei fashions. (Anything else I have to say here would go into my own opinions so I'm going to leave it at that - it's an interesting thing to think about).

A few quotes: ♡ "i believe there is a difference between simply wearing jirai kei and being a landmine. people in the english speaking community generally use landmine kei to describe the mentally ill side of the community even though jirai literally means landmine. i only see landmine kei used in context of like the fashion mine vs lifestyle mine debate." ♡ "From my experience, I have seen many English speakers misinterpret the term 'Jirai Kei' and water it down to fashion but, of course, that shouldn't represent all of the English-speakers partaking in the discussion." ♡ "Anywho considering Jirai is a direct translation to Landmine, I don’t see how they could be any different." ♡ "I think Landmine Kei is more dressing up as the stereotype and Jirai Kei is the lifestyle that predates the stereotype." ♡ "I feel like calling it landmine kei does alert people more to the mental health side of the subculture"

What is your favourite part of the Jirai Kei Subculture?

This was a combined question "What is your favourite and least-favourite part of the subculture" and most people skipped the favourites part and started just talking about what they hate which did make me a little bit sad. I really liked reading about what people liked in the community.

Most people said the fashion was their favourite part. Both people who said that Jirai Kei is a mental health-based community and people who said Jirai Kei is a fashion-based community brought up fashion as a favourite part of theirs.

"Community" is a very vague thing - in this context, it mostly means they were talking about how they share a lot in common with people in the community whether that be fashion, idols, music, aesthetics, mental health, etc. However, most of the people who mentioned mental health as a main part of why they love the community are counted in "Safe Space" instead.

A few quotes: ♡ "I have dealt with a ton of ableism and med shaming before irl and in other places online, but never in the jirai community. So it makes me happy that I can vent without people treating me like I'm "crazy" or trying to force dramatic changes onto me." ♡ "I love the clothes so much of course so the aesthetic of the fashion is my favorite." ♡ "The clothes of course, I really loved visiting the clothes shops in Japan. People in Japan are really nice about my clothing and often compliment me when I wear Jirai Kei, plus all of the shopgirls are really kind." ♡ "my fav part is the super cute clothes and how u can meet so many other ppl who not only have the same fashion style, but also similiar/same issues/experiences as you, so you can share pretty much anything with no judging at all!!! ^_^" ♡ "I like having a place where I can be open about the reality of my mental illnesses without being bombarded with “solutions”." ♡ "i love wearing cute outfits, seeing other people's codes and seeing other landmines experiences ." ♡ "the fact that people actually understand how i think / feel most of the time , and that i won't get weird looks / i won't be judged for things" ♡ "Most favourite: people identifying each other and bonding over shared experiences (and of course, the fashion)" ♡ "I love the community as a space for people on all lines of recovery to come together and exist without judgement" ♡ "My favorite part of the subculture is blogs, the fact that the people in the community get to share their thoughts & be related to & validated makes me really happy" ♡ "I love how empowering Jirai Kei makes me feel."

What is your least favourite part of the Jirai Kei subculture?

NOTE BECAUSE SOME OF THEM GOT CUT OFF: ‪♡ "People who say you have to be..." is "People who say you have to be mentally ill" ‪♡ "People who use mental illness as an..." is "people who use mental illness as an excuse to be mean" ‪♡ "People who say you have to buy" is "people who say you have to buy certain brands"

The top answer was fashion Jirais. This is a combination of people who specifically said the term "Fashion Jirai" and people who said things like "people who only wear the clothes" or "people who think the community is just cute clothes and ignore the mental illness aspect of it". I combined those into the same count.

"Anti-recovery" as a category is more than just people talking about how recovery isn't front and centre like Menhera, or people talking about venting - it is specifically people who talked about people who say you cannot be in recovery if you are part of the Jirai Kei community.

"Glamorization of Sh/Ed" also is more than just people talking about posts that talk about those things, it is people who specifically said it is over-romanticized / glamourized. And as a note this is different from "lifestyle Jirais" since that category includes people that are just talking about vent posts or mention "lifestyle jirai"s by name.

"Lifestyle Jirais" and "People who don't wear the clothes" are also two different categories, lifestyle jirais is either people who said that by name or were talking about people who vent or think the community is mental-health based, and "people who don't wear the clothes" is just that, it's the people who specifically called that out.

I don't have too much to add here since I can't really add anything here without stating my personal opinions which isn't what I'm trying to do right now. I did find it comforting that most other people are sick of the discourse, and it's both people who think Jirai Kei is fashion-based and people who think Jirai Kei is mental health-based that were saying this.

A few quotes: ♡ "But there are legit people on here who act like you're 'fake' if you aren't attempting suicide every hour or something lmao" ♡ "i'm sick of sharing my safe space with people who think it's just a pink blouse and some short skirts and a bow." ♡ "putting a label on jirai that you have to act a certain way seems wrong. some rules and bashing on other girls wanting to wear the fashion is very wrong too." ♡ "i’m simply utterly terrified of rejection." ♡ "My least favorite would probably have to be those who promote self harm or say you have to engage in some sort of dangerous stuff to be a part of the subculture. While many of us do struggle with these things, it's super unnecessary to push people (mostly the fashion only jirai keis) to harm themselves." ♡ "least fav is that there are a lot of gatekeepers who want you to prove that you're actually mentally ill or they turn it into a competition of who's suffering the most. I also don't like how many jirai are anti recovery if someone chooses to recover (not forced, but their own choice). and I don't like that there are some really young kids in the community, like 13 and under" ♡ "I hate the people who slap a random pink shirt on and a black mini skirt and call it jirai because it’s not. Jirai is so much more than pink and black." ♡ "least fav is probably the fact how some ppl will say the most vile shit ever and use the fact that theyre a jirai as an excuse (it can always be a reason for said behavior, but never an excuse!! 😭😭)" ♡ "fashion "jirais". i don't like discourse at all , but i really wish people would understand the whole point of jirai kei before calling themselves a landmine :(" ♡ "the least, however, are the people who say you "dont need to be mentally ill to call yourself jirai" which is just ridiculous" ♡ "I don't like the narrative that we have to buy from the original designer or it's not Jirai, that's just buying into what the fashion industry wants you to think. A fashion is a style, not a designer brand. Quite frankly I just don't like being limited to certain brands." ♡ "Constant discourse (assuming that people can't resonate with the subcul just because they're not as vocal about their experiences as the others PLUS the bullying of actual people who struggle for venting when that is the core of this subcul)" ♡ "i wish it was more mature because many jirai people are in their early teens (12-14) and i feel the need to act as a role model in spaces that include minors, rather than speaking freely as i would normally among people closer to my age" ♡ "least favourite: weird gatekeeping (eg. "you can't wear jirai kei because you're not mentally ill""), shaming peoples looks and fatshaming in general" ♡ "My least favorite is the ones who say you have to be anti-recovery to be jirai. It's okay to be tired of hurting." ♡ "i detest the infighting, and the way that it's rapidly growing is kind of pissing me off because im more comfortable in smaller communities" ♡ "As for least favourite, glorification of ED and SH (I must note, glorification, not just the fact people discuss/have it in the community) as well as the fatphobia and such"

Overall very interesting read and very mixed responses, but also not actually as mixed as I thought they would be. Most people landed somewhere in the middle where they considered both fashion and mental health to be parts of the subculture and just had different levels of importance for those two things. Most people also did mention mental health being part of their reasoning for being here, whether they engage more in the fashion side of things or the mental health side of things.

If there are any clarifying questions about what the titles of things in these graphs really mean or why I chose to break things down in the way that I did I am more than happy to provide clarification to that! I'll try to respond to any comments like that as soon as I can. I won't be engaging in discourse or defending any points or anything (at least not here) - this is more about the answers to the survey and not my personal opinions so pls understand T-T.

If you read all that mess thank you! Took me a while to actually get all of this compiled. If you didn't thank you regardless! Especially if you responded in the survey to begin with ♡

Also if anyone is uncomfortable with their answer being posted in the answers document please contact me either on Tumblr @jiraisupportgroup or on Reddit @ Mara-melody (DMs should be open on both) with the details about which response was yours and I will delete it from the publicly available document! Thank you!!

[freckliedan]

could you expand on your thoughts why you think dan and phil havent always been monogamous? super curious! i kind of get the same vibe.

i'm happy to expand on it tbh! it's something i think and talk a lot about with my friends.

i'm hesitant about going in depth because i've found that's when people find it okay to say deeply shitty things to me, a polyamorous person, under the guise of academic debate/it just being a difference of opinion. but i'm also not going to let the possibility of that stop me?

ANYWAYS.

quite honestly the biggest thing for me is just. taking dan and phil at their word? even when parsing something true through them saying things in silly ways that's the easiest way to be right about them.

we noticed and believed in the underlying truth in their gay jokes before they were out. people are willing to entertain the bondage and mpreg and various other horny jokes as containing some kernel of truth. more people than literally any point in time are willing to believe there's some substance to dan's career-long mentions of gender.

but for whatever reason (mononormativity) the comments about them being attracted to/flirting with/being interested in other people get written off as 100% joking and funny because they're the most monogamous people ever & because they get jealous easily. and that just? sucks.

i think they've always been committed. like, phil brought dan home to meet his parents at their very first christmas together type committed. planning to spend the rest of their lives together from 3 months into the relationship committed.

but also like? that coexists with the fact that dan wasn't able to come out to himself as gay until the lead up to basically i'm gay. 2018 or maybe 2017, i think. @freckliephil or @phulge has brought up the idea to me before that part of why they didn't label their relationship to us in 2019 may have been because they were still in flux with labeling it for themselves.

dan has also always had commitment issues due to how he saw his parents' relationship function/due to his home life growing up and i'm NOT going to elaborate on this one but it is so obvious.

(consider this whole post informed by conversations with aries and roper btw).

i think the idea that dan and phil were secure in their connection but not in a place where they had to (or could, on dan's part) ascribe labels to it in the early years is realistic?

and i think their commitment and security can coexist with the idea of like. "i think it's hot seeing you kiss other people for attention at parties and come home with me". + i genuinely think the fantastic foursome explored each other's bodies on the italy trip. etc.

i definitely think there would've been huge stretches of monogamy, and i do think that there was jealousy before they found their footing and felt comfortable in their commitment. (different rant, but i think most of what gets read as jealousy these days is them dong a bit/possessiveness).

but i think there's also always been points in time where they were either theoretically or in practice fine with having sexual experiences with other people. that wouldn't've really been possible during their deep closet era, and i don't think it was COMMON beforehand.

but i also think that it's definitely something possible after they came out.

i think people hear me say this and assume i'm degrading the incredible and beautiful love and commitment dan and phil share. that i'm reducing queer men's relationships down to sex only.

but like. i'm not fucking doing that! the people making those assumptions are doing that! and saying a lot about how they view non monogamy too!

i'm saying i think they're so secure in their love and relationship that they're literally completely unbothered and not threatened by potentially having an open relationship. devotion is not only present in monogamous relationships.

WAD makes sense as a point of post coming out timing for another open period in their relationship to me. quite honestly i could see phil being the one to suggest it to dan? 2019 thru the close of WAD was dan's self actualization era.

growing up in the context of a single committed relationship does things to you psychologically. your identity formation happens side by side with another person and even if the relationship isn't controlling and toxic you can really lose sight of your individuality, if you're not careful. this is even easier to have happen if you share all of your friends, live together, AND work together. ESPECIALLY if you're significantly closeted in some way.

i know this because i've also lived it. believe me when i say dan NEEDED to figure out who he was as an individual. we saw him do that in several iterations artistically/careerwise. but we also saw his interest in experiencing queer culture in ways he missed out on when he was young and closeted.

so i think dan actually WAS on the apps, when he was touring WAD. i wouldn't be surprised if that was phil's idea, even. a "don't worry, go see the world, we've been open before, i'm not worried you won't want to come home to me, nobody's gonna match your freak like i do". i think phil would've had the option too but probably would've taken it less.

and i think it's like. like they're best friends! it's something they would've been talking about with each other. i think it could've been foreplay to them sometimes. i think it could've been what catapaulted dan into his top era. (this is a seperate essay from drs. frecklie, frecklie and phulge as well).

most importantly we think dan came back from the first leg of WAD having completely exorcised his fear of commitment and. wait i have to find a specific message. nevermind you're getting 3 screenshots without any further context

anyways. i can't find the specific point where we said this so it was maybe an in person conversation but the rest of the idea is that experiencing other options resulted in dan coming back from WAD and proposing. and phil proposing the gaming channel return right back. we 1000% said this before phil mentioned that he's the one who suggested the gaming channel return i just can NOT fucking find receipts on that because we largely voice message.

this has been an entire ramble that touched on a lot of different subjects but. yeah. dan and phil aren't polyamorous in the "both dating another person as a couple/other people as individuals" sense nor will they ever be. but there's sooo much room between that and strict monogamy.

and a lot of that in between is in perfect alignment with the ways they've talked about their lives over the years and is yet another extension of them having a level of trust love and intimacy in their relationship that most people will never experience. so

thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[yanderes-galore]

rose quartz (SU) with human darling (Platonic/Romantic) Hcs 🪲 [Shiny Bug Anon]

Oh cool :0 This could be fun, lol. I haven written for Rose before...!

Yandere! Rose Quartz with Human! Darling

Pairing: Platonic/Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Overprotective behavior, Condescending behavior, Clingy behavior, Fear of loss, Isolation, Blood mention, Dark themes, Jealousy, Forced companionship/relationship.

Rose has been known to have a fascination with humans.

This is evident in the show where she's curious about them, often learning about them through Greg.

She sees humans as cute and funny... they're adorable little creatures to her.

I imagine she gets with Greg at some point for the sake of Steven, but imagine if she was fond of another human first?

Before she and Greg got together officially, she found you.

You're younger than Greg and might even be curious of her like she is of you.

Rose is described as caring and loving of those she's close to.

She's curious and sees beauty in all life.

Yet humans seem to be her favorite.

When she looks at you, she thinks you have a natural attractive beauty to you.

She wants to know you more.

In fact, it's canon that Rose isn't quite sure how human love works compared to Gems.

Be that platonic or romantic love... she isn't quite sure how either works.

Which makes her unsure how exactly to act upon her feelings towards you.

I can see Rose accidentally being condescending towards you.

She tries her best to see everyone as equal... but she can't help but coo over you like a pet.

She just thinks her human is so darn cute.

Although... she does worry about getting attached at first-

After all, you're human.

Your lifespan is so short compared to her.

But we'll get into that later....

Eventually she can't help herself.

You're too interesting for her and she can't help but be drawn to you.

Due to her curious nature, Rose may also be a bit... invasive.

She struggles with boundaries, often curiously prodding at you and asking invasive questions.

You try your best to keep up with it... she is an alien, after all.

Rose listens to every word you say with sparkles in her eyes.

She likes to learn more about you and humans in general.

She's adventurous and may even want to take you along on exploration.

Well... on anything that won't get you hurt.

Rose doesn't seem that bad, she's actually caring and adores you...

Unfortunately, things do take a darker tone eventually... this is still Pink, of course.

Rose is deceptive and a bit selfish.

She worries she'll lose you due to how fragile humans are.

She know doubt learns of your fragility by an accident.

Imagine Rose took you out to explore an area, only for you to get hurt.

The Gem freezes when she looks you over, seeing blood seep out of a few cuts you have.

The good news is she can heal... but seeing you with anything from bruises to a broken bone freaks her out.

It reminds her that humans aren't like Gems.

Your life can end much easier than hers can.

Rose's obsession is not just driven by curiosity... It's also her fear.

This was the reason she didn't want to be attached in the first place.

But... she can't help it.

You look so cute in her arms... your curiosity reminds her of herself.

Rose would do anything to protect those close to her.

Such a trait sounds selfless... yet towards you it's selfish.

Why?

Well, Rose refuses to acknowledge that all life... including yours... has an end.

A known power of Rose, other than healing, is resurrection.

If she doesn't want something to die... she'll change it.

Imagine if Rose is so scared of you dying... She makes you immortal.

She's too fond of you to just let you die.

Which means she'd use her powers to make you live longer.

Sure, you'll be a pink color now...

But you'll still be hers, in fact, the color you have now only proves it.

Yeah, this is what makes her behavior selfish.

She curses you with a longer lifespan to keep you as hers longer.

Not only that, but she probably begins to isolate you.

She is definitely one to tell you that all of what she does is for your benefit.

In reality... she doesn't want to let her human go.

It only works in her favor when people distance themselves from you due to your changed appearance.

It's true... that pink tint you have now is like some sort of brand.

Soon you're not hanging out with many other humans other than Greg.

Rose is always around you, when she can't be, the Crystal Gems are around you.

Rose is selfish about her human.

She purposefully takes your attention away, often feeling jealousy towards you interacting with other humans.

It's a... toxic emotion.

She knows she should allow you to thrive with your kind.

Yet in the end she claims you as hers, again, oddly like a pet or toy.

Perhaps she keeps you at the temple/beach house?

She is still very affectionate and curious as ever... even if you feel dejected due to what she's done to you.

She doesn't let you leave her home.

Maybe she even keeps you in her room?

She can create whatever you want there.

Rose just wants you to be happy.

Although... it often seems like she prioritizes her own happiness most of the time

When you're alone she holds you close, her touch delicate and soft as though you'll break.

When you ask to go outside, she turns it down.

The only time you're free from captivity again is when she makes Steven.

Imagine if you were still affected by her obsession even after she creates Steven.

She does imply in the show that she influences Steven's emotions (iirc-).

So... what happens if her obsession develops in Steven?

I'm talking Steven feels drawn to you but isn't sure why.

Of course it's platonic for most of the events of the show.

But it could change in Future when he's older.

You're cursed with being forever young... all because you got too close to an alien.

Now you have a Gem/Human hybrid who won't leave you alone.

But that's just a thought!

Overall, Rose may seem very interested and kind with her human obsession.

Yet catching her attention isn't really a good thing...

Especially if it means you'll never leave her... even when she's gone.

[violet-butterflies]

What would have happened if the reader didn't stop the merman from touching them like that? Letting him starting doing sexual things without complaining because they were actually curious of what he could have done? If it's ok for you a male reader? Or gender neutral goes perfectly too!

❥︎ yandere! Merman Spin-off

❥︎ Warnings ! ☞︎︎︎ sexual harassment, smut, hints to overstimulation ( male yandere! oc x gn reader ) Click to see part 1 and part 2 !

For some reason, you couldn't find it in you to move away from his grasp. You can hear him moaning and sighing as he passionately marked your neck. Before you lost all the air in your lungs, you were brought back to the surface. The merman looked at you with lustful crystal blue eyes while yours was filled with surprise as you breathed heavily.

You were about to stand and leave the cave to do your job before the merman snatched your hand and pulled you into the water with him. Startled, your body froze as the merman smiled when he looked at you. He hugged you and began to kiss your neck. Not only that, he began clawing at your clothes as he gave you a passionate kiss.

Seeing that you weren't moving away, he began kissing you as he tried to take your clothes off, whining when he couldn't rip them off on the first try. After a few more tugs through the shirt rips, revealing your chest. He took a moment to admire your bare chest before peppering hisses on your chest. Your hands instantly weaved themselves through the merman's long, silver hair.

You didn't why you didn't move. Maybe it was the heat of the moment. Maybe it was because you couldn't think about what to do at the moment. But one thing was sure.

You were curious about what the merman would do to you if you stayed.

While you were zoned out, the merman quickly dived down to your crotch area and took your pants off, revealing your bare and naked body. He was met face-to-face with your genitals before taking you into his mouth, trying his best to explore all your parts and what makes your hands pull his hair harder in pleasure with.

"O-Oh my god," you can't help but moaned out. You could feel the vibrations of the merman growling with pride against you before he surfaced back up to you.

"Me did well?" He asked you, looking for praise. You barely could answer though as he left you all edged from your release since he stopped right before you came. In your moment of slight dissociation, your eyes landed on the merman's lower half.

He had two penises, both red, angry, and extremely hard.

"What the fuck..." eyes still wide with surprise, making the merman smirk before beginning to kiss your face and ears. As he began to whisper sweet nothings into your ears, you felt him line himself in front of your entrance before thrusting quickly, making you gasp loudly.

The merman began to feverishly thrust into you as he loudly moans into your ears. His hare chest is right on top of yours while his slightly muscular arms kept you as close as possible. One of his dick was inside you while the other was pressed firmly on your bare stomach. Your hands were still lost in his hair while it cascaded and framed the two of you perfectly in the water.

"So good... y/n so pretty... My pretty mate..." he growls into your ears. He kept nipping your ears or your throat while the trusts became even more unorderly. He was going to cum soon and so were you.

You never expected something like this to happen when you first saw the lost and injured merman for the first time. His large cock inside your hole as your fingers were lost in his hair, you let out moans, gasps, and mewls.

After a final deep thrust, warmth fills your stomach as you both released at the same time. Moans echoed within the little cave you were in as you fell limp into his arms. You were ready to just rest and go to sleep.

The merman though, he had other plans in mind.

A/N This is my first time ever writing smut so I'm so so sorry if this is cringe. All words aside this is just a spin-off and what if moment so it is not canon! Anyways, I had fun writing this and I hope you enjoyed and thank you to whoever sent this request in!

[simplydnp]

Why is everyone rooting for it takes two? Tbh its one of my least fav gaming videos. I havent even watched the whole thing bc i get bored… why do yall like it so much??

i am so sorry you feel this way bc it takes two is one of the Best dapg we have ever gotten--revival run or otherwise.

despite dnp's arguably most popular playthrough (undertale) being composed of long videos, dapg doesn't generally post Long videos. so it's sheer length of 52 minutes is a revelation.

combine that with gameplay that both of them get to partake in, and you already know you're in for an excellent ride. again, they don't generally play a lot of 2 player computer games, despite us knowing they spend a Lot of time gaming together, so already it feels special since they both get to play.

the game itself is very dnp-coded, which they even comment on. it's a creative exploration through an emotional and difficult time, and yet, it still has time for humour, teamwork, and enjoyment. this game is a Journey--that's the whole point. and dnp are Very good at navigating it, in the way they do things best: together. (and you can't tell me phil's multiple 'i am your husBaand' didn't rewire your brain)

the grandness of the it takes two video is in their synchronicity. we've got video evidence of them struggling to play co-op games together--they even think it's going to go poorly, as it takes two has a Reputation for being quite difficult, particularly the boss battles. there's a reason it's the marraige counselling game, in a sense. and yet they skated through it. constantly on the same page. it's symphonic.

alongside that it's just a pleasure to sit down and watch. the bants are on point, the vibes are focused but chill, and the length of the video plus the quick turnaround upload speed during gamingmas meant that there wasn't a lot of editing to distract or disrupt the vibe. it's a very raw and unfiltered dnp--it's cozy. there's something about it that's just calming for the soul.

i enjoy getting to feel the Flow of a story, especially alongside the people i'm watching play it. despite the varied environments and quick-paced sections, i never felt lost in regards to the narrative (unlike their Brothers video). but still, there was high-octane moments! space for bants! a little bit of a respite in all the chaos.

maybe i need to say it with my full chest but trust and communication are my kink and no dnp upload demonstrate this better than it takes two. as fond as i am of dan's outbursts and yelling, there is nothing like watching dnp on the same page just absolutely crushing a task. there's a time and a place for both, but i much prefer them both having a good time as opposed to constantly bickering over something (hence my preference for the it takes two gameplay compared to the bread & fred video, though i'm curious your take on that particular video as it's quite the contrast)

almost everyone Knows what we come to dapg for, and it's not usually the gaming. this video takes that and makes the gaming Part of it in the best way possible.

plus, i'm eagerly awaiting them clickbaiting us with another insane title like 'dan and phil get divorced' was. truly excellent no notes.

[andiv3r]

I'm curious, what is it about stancest that you like?

Ohhg okay, so there's A Lot. Click at your own risk, thoughts on the ship and many reasons I "like" it (find it useful as a narrative tool & fun to play with) under the cut.

I think the main appeal is that there is a formerly strained bond being repaired, and watching them grow close again in their old age is beautiful no matter how you view their relationship¹. I like to explore concepts with stancest that I can't explore with other ships², such as Bill's control and manipulation affecting what could have otherwise been a nice reunion, shared unrevealed feelings being why they both pushed one another away more than necessary in the time right before the portal incident ("for his own good," they both think), or just-through-the-portal Ford meeting a version of mullet Stan while in another dimension (also works for Portaled Stanley AUs meeting another version of Stanford), realising just how bad Stan had it, and (believing there is very little chance of him ever finding his way back home), deciding to take care of this version of his brother where he didn't for the one he knew.

If you're thinking, "Hey... some of those work just fine without making it stancest. You could keep their relationship platonic/familial and still use those concepts," then you're right! I could! Sometimes I even do! But...

I have no reason to restrict the sort of thing I write when the potential for a different dynamic between these characters, as well as being able to explore facets of my own identity through them, appeals to me³. I enjoy looking at the concept of an aromantic alloalterous demisexual and autosexual Ford and playing through how those identities would impact how he sees Stan⁴.

I am also fond of speculating about their time at sea, and what the healing of their relationship would entail. Stan's memory loss (which I think still affects him somewhat, in the form of gaps where certain memories haven't fully reformed or are hazy) would undoubtedly affect things, as would Ford's guilt for "causing" it. There's potential for Stan recovering traumatising memories and Ford both helping him work through that and learning about some of them for the first time - having to learn in the worst possible way that Stan has been through infinitely more than he thought. There is an extremely compelling dynamic here regardless of the nature of their relationship, but I'm a sucker for old queers and lifelong mutual pining that's finally come to a resolution, so putting that era of their life through a stancest filter was inevitable and brings me the most joy.

So, yeah. I dunno, there's just a lot you can do with it and a lot that's already there to build from.

¹Purely familial? Hell yeah, there's lots to work with there and that used to be my favourite way to see them! Romantic? Adds an extra layer to all the ways you could interpret their actions (and therefore all the ways you could add angst), love it lots. Secret third thing? I Am Gnawing At The Bars Of My Enclosure, You Have No Idea How Much I Love Viewing Them As Secret Third Thing. Secret Third Thing can mean so much, there is so much to work with there. It can mean "I love you more than anyone else but it's not romantic but I still feel guilty over how deeply I love you because I'm not supposed to feel like this, you're my brother." It can mean "Whenever I envisioned 'settling down' and 'starting a family' I couldn't make myself see a romantic partner... I could only ever see us out at sea." It can mean "You are my other half. I don't know what we are but I know that you complete me." It can mean so, so much.

²Fiddauthor or portalcule would suffice in some cases, but not all of them... and to be honest, I don't want to settle for something that would just suffice. If it would hit harder emotionally as stancest than it would as fiddauthor, then I'm making it a stancest and not fiddauthor.

³I like to explore ideas of gender/sexuality/romantic orientations as a way to work through how I view my own aromanticism. Stanford is a heavily aromantic-coded character, and Stanley can be viewed through an aromantic lens (which is a headcanon for him that I hold dear).

⁴How would his being autosexual affect the physical aspect of his attraction? How would being demisexual impact him, what with Stan being the person he's closest to and knows best out of anyone in the world? How would his lack of romantic attraction impact that relationship? Would it make him feel more or less guilty for his feelings? Would he even notice they weren't romantic, or would he assume romantic, sexual and alterous attraction were all the same? Would his guilt from his feelings (because god knows he'd have that guilt) stem from some place of societally ingrained morals, or would he, as he so often in canon does, shun society's ideas for how he should act... and in that case only feel guilty for having what he assumes is unwanted and unreciprocated attraction toward someone who would be disgusted at him for it? Or would he maybe ignore the guilt, his attention centred on the fact that this attraction, or these feelings, or this attachment, makes him an anomaly, a freak, just like he was always told he was for his physical differences?

[zabiume]

Have you seen the theory regarding Rukia's origins? I just heard of it, and I think it'll definitely be explored in the hell arc (when/if we get it), especially because Ichika was the first person to notice the hell hollows?? And since Renji didn't see them, we can only assume this could come from Rukia? Anyway, it's mostly based on the differences in how her name is written on chapter covers compared to all the other shinigami (used nanao for comparison, but everyone else has the brush stroke writing). Kubo even mentioned this in klub outside as something intentional!

Your post mentioning hell arc reminded me of this so i wanted to ask what u think :3

yes, i've seen this!!! i haven't been able to stop thinking about it since he said that on klub, but idk if it has anything to do with what you said about ichika, though? the only reason she spotted them first seems to be because a) ichigo and renji are bickering with their backs turned to the hollows, while she's at an angle where she can see them, and b) the reason renji didn't see them/sense them seems to be because the hollows' spiritual pressure was undetectable

it's unclear what exactly rukia got up to in the years between hisana abandoning her and her meeting renji and the other boys, but it looks like she'd already been calling herself "rukia" by the time she met them, so my leading theory is that she chose that name for herself

but it's unclear how or when or why she would do this and why that name in particular. i've always been curious about this blank period in her life and how many questions about her are still unanswered (at least to me).

we also get a birthday for her, which is interesting because, as hitsugaya notes, most people in rukongai don't exactly have birthdays, since they were never born, but in the same chapter we do get rangiku and gin deciding that rangiku's birthday is the day they met, so it's possible that a lot of rukongai "birthdays" are really just days that hold significant meaning to them, so what exactly is significant about january 14th to rukia? granted, this is from her character sketch at the end of volume 1, so it's possible this is a thoughtless "error" that kubo might have made while he was still figuring out the soul society world-building but idk! these are definitely questions i have and the lack of answers frustrate/excite me. i do think kubo's telling the truth about the brush strokes being significant though because he usually owns up to things he did by accident or things he wasn't thinking too deeply about, so i do tend to believe him when he says it's intentional but WHAT does it mean, though?

[secret-sturniolo]

hot tub - matt sturniolo

Summary - matt and reader share a moment in the hot tub while on a trip with their friends

warnings - fluff, kissing, thats about it

a/n - this is my first fic ever, so please leave me some feedback on what you did or did not like! also, this is written from the readers perspective!

The triplets, Madi and I were all on a trip in San Diego for a few days. I have been friends with them for a few years, and during that time I had developed a crush on Matt. I was a sucker for his gentle nature, his sense of humor, and I had always especially loved his tattoos. Everyone knew about this, except for Matt himself. I always told myself that Matt could never like a girl like me, and to save myself from getting hurt I never told him. Sometimes I got a hint of flirtiness from Matt, but it never went any further so I pushed it aside.

We were on our last day of the trip, so of course we all made the most of it. After a day full of shopping and exploring San Diego, and then a trip to the beach, everyone was pretty tired by the time we got back to our Airbnb. Around 10pm, we all decided to go to bed as we had a long drive back home in the morning. As we each walked to our respective rooms, Matt and I shared a glance and a small smile before closing our doors.

As I lay in bed for what felt like hours, I could not seem to fall asleep, no matter how hard I tried. I rolled over and grabbed my phone to look at the time. 1:47am. 'damn' I thought as I began to decide what to do next. That's when I saw a text from Matt in my recent notifications.

hey, you up? 1:30am

im in the hot tub if u wanna join :) 1:32am

I felt my heart beat faster as I read the texts over and over again. Matt and I had never really shared moments alone, just the two of us. I was trying to think of possible reasons why Matt decided now was the time to get me alone, but I stopped myself as I realized I was overthinking the situation. Instead of responding, I switched my phone off and got out of bed to put on my bathing suit. It was a deep red bikini that I had bought specifically for this trip. I hadn't worn it yet, so I decided now was the perfect time. I grabbed a towel, then quietly opened and closed my door, making my way down the hallway and out the glass sliding doors leading to the pool area.

As I stepped outside, I caught a glimpse of Matt. He had his back to me, but I could see his messy hair that I always loved, and the outline of his shoulder and back muscles as he had his arms up on the sides of the hot tub. I didn't realize how long I had been staring, but apparently Matt had heard me come outside.

"Are you just gonna stand there and stare, or are you gonna get in?" he said with a smile, as he turned to look at me.

My cheeks immediately flushed as I snapped out of my trance. "Oh, sorry. Yeah, I'm coming!" I said, setting my towel down and walking toward the hot tub.

I felt Matt's gaze on me as I walked down the steps and into the warm water, but I stayed silent. I sat down across from him, my cheeks still red, while he remained calm with a small smile forming on his lips.

"You can come closer, you know." he says.

"Okay." I said with a small giggle. I moved closer to him, still leaving about 3 feet of space between us.

"What, do I make you nervous?" he smirked as he moved his arm to wrap loosely around my shoulders.

Curious about his intentions, I replied "What if I said you did?"

He pulled me even closer to him, and in a lower tone he said "You don't ever have to be nervous around me, you know that, right?"

I let out a nervous giggle and turned to face him. "Where are you going with this, Matt?"

" You can't tell? How much more obvious can it get?" he smiled, and paused as his eyes met mine. "I like you, y/n. Fuck it, I'm in love with you. You don't have to say anything either, but-"

In an instant, I cut him off by wrapping my arms around his neck, my fingers finding their way to his hair. He got the hint, as he leaned in closer to me, until finally his lips captured mine. He pulled me into his lap so he could deepen the kiss. We moved in perfect sync with each other, as if this was always meant to be. As we both pulled away for air, Matt’s hands remained on my hips as he admired me.

“You’re so beautiful, you know that?” Matt told me, taking in every inch of my body.

“Shut up and kiss me again.” I replied, gently running my fingers down his tattooed arm.

Without a word, he placed one more gentle kiss on my lips, and I nestled my head into the space between his neck and collarbone. “I love you Matt.”

“I love you too.” He replied, his voice barely above a whisper. “So, does this mean you’ll be my girlfriend?”

“Yes Matt, it does.” I said with a hint of sass.

Needless to say, we both fell asleep easily after that, wrapped in each others arms.

[ponett]

with the fallout of bandai namco's idiotic "it's up to interpretation" bs, do you think that it's possible to enjoy queer media made in a corporate environment in addition to independent works? is it even worthwhile to attempt making queer media in a corporate environment? i find it special how well the g-witch production team managed to tell the story they wanted even with the challenges and pressures they faced, but i have to admit that independent works like slarpg are always going to more completely tell queer stories. as someone who has resonated with both slarpg and g-witch, i was curious to know your perspective.

i'm probably less cynical about this than a lot of my peers are - not that i can blame anyone for feeling cynical about queer rep from corporate-owned media. (we've been through so many First Ever Gay Disney Characters at this point, and lord knows blizzard loves to tease that another overwatch character might be gay every year or so as a PR move.) unfortunately it's just extremely hard to get something like a full season of an animated series funded and produced independently, so the artists looking to enter these fields and pour their hearts and souls into meaningful queer stories as a full-time job don't have many options

going indie gives you theoretically endless creative freedom to tell your stories without corporate censorship, but it's also a massive gamble. only an extreme minority of indie creatives in any medium are actually able to make a living. the fact that i came out the other side of slarpg's development with enough money that i can keep being a full-time indie instead of being in massive debt makes me one of the lucky ones. and even with my modest success, i sure as hell don't have the money to hire a whole team, which limits the scope of what i can make. so i can't turn my nose up at the queer people writing disney channel cartoons where they can't say the word "gay" out loud. they have health insurance, i don't. for most people, what i do is simply not an option

with the corporate-produced Queer Stories i enjoy, i'm often able to squint and see what the creatives were trying to do, wishing that they could have done more while understanding that they probably had to fight tooth and nail for what's there

in the realm of children's animation in particular, i'm thankful that the people working at these studios ARE fighting for more, because it means that kids today have so many more positive queer stories to relate with. i didn't have a single gay character i felt i could relate to until i read scott pilgrim at age 16 and saw wallace wells. before that, i felt so alone in the world. i denied who i was for years because it felt like there would be no place for me. i didn't know anyone openly gay in real life, growing up in the south, and in fiction gay people either existed as the butt of a joke or not at all. the fact that queer kids are now able to see people like themselves in so many shows means something, even if we still have a long way to go and the big studios continue to be a major obstacle

on the subject of g-witch, i'm honestly unfazed by the statement from bandai-namco. i guess i wish they could've let suletta and miorine kiss, but like... the text of the show is extremely blunt about them being a couple by the end. it's not up for debate. and it's not like a gundam series having a meaningful story in spite of the wishes of the toy-producing overlords is anything new, this is just our latest example

all that being said, i do think people should branch out more and explore more weird indie shit if they want more wholeheartedly, openly queer stories. people gotta suck it up and embrace more outsider art instead of only valuing things with studio-level production values. start looking at ren'py visual novels, rpg maker games, obscure webcomics, zines drawn in sharpie, artists on bandcamp who aren't signed to a label, all that jazz. maybe part of the reason why i'm not more fazed by the state of affairs with corporate-funded fiction is that i'm constantly surrounded by furry artists who are telling their own little gay stories

[chiyana]

is there an impulse pov for first kontact? 👀

if not any spoilers on what he thinks about the whole kon situation? 👀

I've thought a bit about doing a chapter from Impulse's perspective, or at least more focused on him, but I'm not sure how exactly I would want to portray how he sees things. He's not human and doesn't see or feel things the same way we do, it just looks that way because he was raised/cultivated to interact with humans (though being in Tim's brain has had some serious changes for things, like the hugs and sense data they send back and forth to each other is a direct result of Tim plugging Impulse into his head)

The chapter I have in mind that would be more focused on him would be mostly him interacting with Kal (and the other Kryptonians) and J'onn, J'onn in particular. Kal Impulse has a reasonable read of and is building a rapport with, but Martians are even more alien to him than humans are, and he's even more alien to them than Kryptonians or humans (since there isn't a mind there for them to read emotions or intent from like there). I would like to have Impulse and J'onn test out the Martian's 'organic' tech and see about integrating it with Impulse and possibly being able to communicate 'telepathically', but even that would have its issues because emotionally and mentally Impulse isn't human or biological. He doesn't have the same emotional mindscape or mindmap that humans or Kryptonians or Martians do. He does feel, but it's a weird process.

All that being said! Impulse definitely likes Kon. A bit of it is that Kon is new and interesting, and Impulse is incredibly curious by nature, but also Impulse likes most people who latch onto Tim as friend-shaped. It's a bit of Impulse going "why yes my human IS the best human you are so correct for noticing that :)", but there are vibe-checks people have to pass to make sure they are latching onto Tim correctly. (Ra's al Ghul did not pass the vibe-check, for example.) He also got Tim's summary of events, and he saw how Kon tried to protect Tim and how he approached him and gave him clothes, so he's already predisposed to like someone trying to take care of Tim.

(He and Kon will build their own relationship more as the story progresses, but even now outside of Tim, he likes that Kon sees him as an individual person instead of something like a ship system or echo.)

Also Impulse is explicitly aro-ace in this story; he doesn't feel sexual attraction or interest outside of curiosity about different sensations, but he'd rather get those from Tim than experience them himself (specifically 'sexual' sensations, platonic affection like hugs and hair ruffles he would like to experience for himself), and he doesn't experience romantic attraction at all. All that being said, he understands Tim having those feelings and wanting them, and he wants them for Tim. Tim is someone who does better when he has people he's close to and feels safe with around, and he does want to be in a romantic relationship, which means it's something Impulse wants for him. Tim hasn't really let himself think of anyone romantically since Bernard, nor has he let himself be around anyone new, so for Impulse, Kon is kind of the perfect candidate for Tim to open up and explore with in a healthy way.

And also this isn't exactly a spoiler, it may never come up explicitly in the story, but Impulse did have some issues with Bernard. Bernard wasn't bad for Tim or mean to Impulse or anything like that, but Bernard (and honestly a lot of Tim's friends) didn't quite see Impulse as a person. They were used to Barry and Wally, who behave a lot more like humans and a lot more professionally (at least in front of most people). Impulse, comparatively, is a lot weirder. He doesn't pretend to be human (and actually gets annoyed when people try to imply that 'human' things like feelings and emotions are what make him a 'real person'), he ignores a lot of hang-ups humans have (like around privacy and nudity for example), he plays with systems and makes weird memes and jokes and plays actual soundbites from things instead of saying lines with his own 'voice', so talking to him can feel like talking to a very comprehensive soundboard, and he doesn't really tone any of it down unless it's an absolute emergency.

All this to say that when Bernard and Tim were together, Bernard treated Impulse as a very weird friend at best and a very weird pet at worst, and he had an expectation that his and Tim's romantic relationship took priority over Tim and Impulse's, and that Impulse could be put away somewhere or told to leave. Which isn't necessarily an unfair expectation for him to have had - again, he was used to Wally and Barry who did respect boundaries like that and didn't have the kind of relationship Tim and Impulse do with the people who cultivated them. The problem was that Tim and Impulse's relationship is very atypical, and Impulse is more Tim's own Art-Div than he is the Justice League's or the Titan's like Barry and Wally are respectively. Where Barry and Wally have a lot more avenues for their attention, Impulse pretty much has just Tim. (This isn't to say Impulse can't branch out more or doesn't care about things other than Tim, he does care about others, but Tim is always going to be his priority.) It's not an easy relationship to explain, and mostly Bernard took it as something that needed time, in that Tim and Impulse needed time to get used to Bernard being in Tim's life and they would figure out how to be more separated from each other.

(Which... honestly probably would not have happened in general, but then the Necros happened and Tim got cybernetics and decided to plug Impulse directly into his brain and now they're REALLY not getting separated.)

So kind of the other thing for Impulse that's novel is Kon's introduction to Tim included Impulse as part of a packaged deal. A lot of the people who know Tim met him before Tim found Impulse or in the very early stages of Impulse's cultivation. Impulse was still with Tim for a lot of that, but it was a few years before he started actively interacting with people as himself. And even those who met Tim later on, Impulse wasn't plugged into Tim directly, and a lot of them made similar assumptions as Bernard: that Impulse was a pet or assistant or a weird friend, someone that could be put away or told to leave. To Kon though, Tim and Impulse are weird and he doesn't totally get their relationship yet, but his understanding of them is that they come as a set. If you want one, you have to accept the other because they are literally plugged into each other and they want to be like that. (Kon's been earning extra brownie points by trying to understand Impulse and interacting with him like a person.)

So to Impulse, Kon is physically Tim's type, he's funny and kind and cute, he's sweet and protective, he interacts with Impulse as a person and hasn't tried to unplug them, he's careful and caring about Tim, he's perfect!

(also oh my god this was so long did this even answer your question I don't even know anymore this got away from me ANYWAY)

[rominadrawsart]

It's midnight here so here are my Necrozma headcanons (I may refer to it as male)

This may or may not be updated

Necrozma spends 90% of its time floating, the rest of 10% of him walking on its all fours mostly because it has larger hands but smaller legs. When it does, it's actually slightly terrifying

After the incident, Necrozma suffers from headaches and loss of memory. It doesn't remember much what it looked like, but what he knows is that it needs to eat as much as light possible to restore itself (SPOILER: He doesn't)

Because it didn't explore the planets and worlds it brought light to, he's mostly curious about anything it encounters

Necrozma can eat other things, but they don't give it any energy like light does

The only way to know if Necrozma is sleeping is when the colors of shapes on his brain prism are dull

Likes to sunbathe, especially during summer

It has claustrophobia, due to a traumatic event (being imprisoned at Megalo Tower and being in deep sleep underground)

Some folks refer to him as "Eclipse Pokemon", mostly because it can fuse with Solgaleo and Lunala, and mostly because it was thought to only appear during eclipses. Necrozma is mostly active at any time of the day, but the reason why folks don't see him often is because he's living far away from civilization.

Often sleeps on its stomach or on its side. His "tail proportion" would get in the way if he was sleeping on his back.

The way it expressed his anger/pain/stress is scratching on the walls or on the ground

[heretherebedork]

Hi,

I have a question about your comments on Love Sea. Genuinely no hate, I’m just curious. Are you saying that, because we should have clear, enthusiastic consent 100% of the time in real life (which is obviously completely correct and I’m not disagreeing with that at all), we cannot/should not ever explore anything other than that in fiction? I’m not disagreeing that Mame romanticises a specific dynamic that includes ignoring ‘no’ in a way that would be completely wrong, immoral, and criminal, in real life, but this isn’t real life. If people enjoy that dynamic in fiction, and that is the dynamic Mame wants to write, and that viewers expect from her, isn’t that up to them? Even if they do also praise better representations of consent in other shows, isn’t it possible they enjoy seeing this dynamic explored, in fiction, but are also glad it’s not the only representation of consent out there and that there are also others that are closer to what would be appropriate in reality. It doesn’t have to be either/or, does it?

So. The answer to this is dear lord I didn't tag the show for a reason.

But also.

The answer to that is that sometimes it works. When Mut was carrying Rak into the sea and Rak was saying no and they were both laughing and it was fun and teasing? That was fine! That was a no that obviously wasn't meant as a serious no and was joking.

But when Mut was dragging him out to his motorbike and he was protesting the entire time and telling him he didn't want to go and didn't want to be there and to stop and Mut had to literally scare him to make him go with? That's not okay. Because that is literally takin g no means no and making it a joke.

The dynamic being explored here works in so many contexts without specifically making 'no means no' into a joke. There are so many ways that this kind of dynamic can work that doesn't have to specifically be 'man, isn't it romantic the way he ignored his no?'

I don't tag the show in my posts because I don't want to show up in the tag or bother people who enjoy this. I use specific tags to let people easily block my posts.

But the honest answer is that making it works and exploring the dynamic also includes acknowledging what you're exploring in the process. And neither MAME nor her fans are doing that. Typically fans write this off as romantic and sexy and not as anything they wouldn't want in real life. I've had people argue with me for literal pages about the diary reading scene in the Other Show and how it was so needed and romantic and just...

Look, I like codependency in fictional romances! It's not romantic in real life but I love it in fiction. It's one of my favorite tropes. I love Love Syndrome III and it's toxic as fuck. But that show knew it was toxic and fully embraced that it was toxic and didn't try to write that as the romance but rather as a fucked up relationship that was what the two leads wanted despite how toxic it was. And I loved it! A+!

The problem with exploring a dynamic without acknowledging that you're exploring the dynamic is that it turns no means no into a joke in the show and that's... that's just unpleasant.

People are free to explore things and enjoy things and I specifically don't tag my criticism with the show for that reason. But the problem is that people talk about how sexy all of this and enjoy it and will be very clear, just like MAME was last episode about 'people asked why characters do things' that what they want is... whatever that means, I guess?

I post criticism that is specifically tagged to let people avoid it because I want people to know what I think and that I do see these shows and can offer criticism but also that it's not for the fans of the show because it's specifically tagged for them to avoid.

[coveey-s]

solaris

word count: 1.8k

paring: spencer reid x oc (but sorta y/n ish lol)

summary: spencer and ariana go to see a showing of 'solaris' (referenced in season 6 ep 14)

warnings: none?? just fluff lol

i don't really write fanfic this is kinda a one off so mb if this is a bit clunky 🤗🙃

Ariana Striker didn't really watch a lot of Sci-Fi. But ever since joining the BAU about a year ago and befriending a certain Spencer Reid, she knew more than ever before.

She was packing up her things for the night at the office after a case in LA when she noticed him talking on the phone at the desk over.

Ariana heard him mention something called 'Solaris'. What was that? A new planet he'd discovered?

Spencer hung up the phone with an odd look on his face.

"Who were you talking to?" Ariana asked, she couldn't help being curious.

"Emily, I was asking if she wanted to see Solaris in the theater with me, since she and I are the only ones who understand Russian," he answered, putting his phone in his pocket, "But she's busy with Sergio."

Her eyes widened, "Ooh, a new guy?"

"Her cat," Spencer replied, "But I thought the same thing."

"Oh," Ariana laughed, "Anyway, what's Solaris?" she asked.

"It's a Sci-Fi film made in 1972 that follows a psychiatrist sent to investigate the death of a doctor and the mental states of the cosmonauts in a space station orbiting a planet named Solaris." Spencer explained.

"Really? Interesting, a Russian sci fi film." she pondered.

"It's approximately five hours long, it's one of the greatest sci fi mediation films of all time." he added picking up his bag, "Well, bye," he started off.

"Wait," Ariana half laughed.

He stopped and turned raising his eyebrows.

"You didn't ask me about my plans?"

"Oh, what are your plans?" he asked.

"I was planning on eating Ben & Jerry's and watching 21 Jump Street..." she began.

"What's 21 Jump Street?" Spencer asked.

"You've never- you know it doesn't matter, point is the emphasis is on was. "

"What are you doing now?" he rested his hands in his pockets.

Ariana shook her head, "You know what nevermind, it's okay. Enjoy your movie, Reid." she smiled, slipping her coat on.

Spencer frowned, "I have a feeling I'm missing something."

She stepped out from behind her desk and walked towards him, "I was hinting that I could go to the movie with you but it seemed to-" Ariana made a woodshing sound and waved her hand over her head.

"Oh," Spencer said, "You don't understand Russian."

"Y'know for a profiler you seem to be highly confused by my behavior. I'm trying to make a nice gesture, so you don't have to go alone." Ariana motioned vaguely.

"You want to watch a five hour movie in a language you don't understand?"

She had to admit it didn't sound like the most fun, but maybe it could be, with him.

"Why not? I can probably pick up on stuff with the visuals and if you give me a quick explanation of the plot before we start ." Arriana shrugged.

"I can explain on the way," Spencer said enthusiastically.

"Let's go," she replied, patting him on the shoulder.

~~~~~~~

When they arrived she was once again baffled at the way his mind worked, however she doubted if she'd retain all the information she'd heard.

"So what's the probability that there really is a water brain planet out there?" Ariana asked as she grabbed her popcorn.

"I don't think there's an exact probability, but only 0.05 percent of the galaxy has been explored so it's possible." Spencer reasoned.

"Wow, you don't have an exact stat for something?" Ariana teased, popping a piece of popcorn in her mouth.

"I know," Spencer said sadly.

"Popcorn?" she offered, pointing the bucket at him.

He shook his head.

"More for me," Ariana said happily.

The theatre was small and old, it still had the light box lettering on the outside and little red seats on the inside.

They took their seats in the back, despite Spencer's point that the best seats were technically in the middle.

"But back here, you get to see the full screen, and you don't get people hitting you in the back." Ariana remarked.

He seemed to accept that and settled into his seat as the beginning credits began to play.

Ariana pulled off her coat and leaned back. She glanced at Spencer who's brown eyes were trained on the screen.

Just as she looked away she felt his gaze on her. Ariana peered at him through the corner of her eye, and neither of them looked away for a moment. She smiled and he smiled before she focused her attention on the movie, hoping she wasn't blushing like a school girl.

The movie was interesting, but her sleepless nights at the hotel the past few days were finally catching up to her and she was struggling to stay awake.

She was abruptly pulled out of her daze when the movie stopped for an intermission. Thank god, she needed to stretch her legs and wake herself up.

Ariana stood and stretched her arms over her head, "I could do with some fresh air, come on."

Spencer followed after her into the cool night air.

"What do you think of it, the movie?" he asked.

"Good, very Russian." I answered.

He nodded and his mouth fell into that flat line like it always did.

Ariana thought for a moment, "You know what I can do? I'm really good at catching food with my mouth," she clapped her hands together.

Spencer looked at her puzzledly, "What?"

"You know, people throw peanuts or something and people catch them in their mouths?" she threw a piece of popcorn at him.

He watched it fall, "I see,"

"Here," she shoved the popcorn bucket into his arms, "Throw a piece, I'll show you."

"I have terrible aim," Spencer added matter-of-factly.

"Try your best,"

He threw a piece of popcorn in the air and Ariana successfully caught it.

"See," she said between bites.

Spencer laughed a little, "Cool."

"Now, your turn," Ariana took back the bag.

"No, I'm okay," he insisted.

"Just try, I'm gonna keep throwing popcorn at you until you do," Ariana threatened.

Spencer shrugged, "Okay, I'll give it a shot,"

She threw it up and he surprisingly got it, "Wow you're a natural, I've been honing my skills for years." Ariana smiled.

"It's more physics than physical ability, but thank you," he said earnestly.

"No, you're the chosen one." Ariana chuckled.

Spencer did too and they continued throwing popcorn until intermission was over.

Once they returned to their seats Ariana prayed for the strength to stay awake for another two and a half hours.

It didn't work.

Five minutes later, Ariana was out.

Spencer turned to her to see her fast asleep, head half resting on the back of the chair.

He laughed to himself and just watched her for a moment, she really was pretty. But of course that didn't matter. Spencer cleared his throat and shifted his arms against the arm rests.

Approximately fifty five seconds later, Ariana slumped down further, and her head rested against his shoulder.

Spencer's eyes widened, she was still deeply asleep, and her head was on his shoulder. Her head was on his shoulder.

He was never overly touchy, but his team was the exception, often sharing hugs with them. And Ariana, she gave great hugs.

So there was no logical reason as to why her head on his shoulder was distracting him so much. But it was.

He made an active decision to not focus on the warmth of her body against his or the smell of her conditioner, he would miss the movie.

For two hours and twenty eight minutes, Spencer didn't move his left arm, and found it to be quiet numb.

The movie ended and Ariana was still slumbering so Spencer made an attempt to wake her.

"Ariana," he muttered, "Ariana, the movie is done."

She stirred and then opened her eyes a little, squinting at the light. Coming to her senses, Ariana shot up.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to," she motioned to his arm.

"It's okay," he said quietly, flexing his hands, trying to get blood flow back.

"What happened? Is the movie over?" Ariana looked around.

"Yes," he answered.

"Oh, Spencer, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to," she said, rubbing her face, "I'm just a bit sleep deprived."

"Don't be, you got some sleep and I enjoyed the company." Spencer concluded, standing and grabbing his jacket.

"I suppose that's true," Ariana said as they exited the theatre.

"You've got a pretty comfortable shoulder," she added.

"Thank you," he said contently, "You've got a...nice head..." Spencer scratched the back of his head.

She chuckled at him, "Thanks. We should do this again sometime," Ariana proposed.

"There's a showing of Silent Running next week," Spencer replied.

"It's a date." she winked.

Spencer smiled at the ground.

"So," Ariana nudged him, "I gotta know how Solaris ended."

"So," Spencer began.

[subway-boss-jericho]

(hammer anon- I hope you don’t mind me poking at other random aus)

I was thinking about Befriend My Reflection to Find My Shadow and!! I’m really curious to what the differences are between the two Emmets. Why does Emmet (1) search for Ingo with such desperation while Emmet (2) is happy to ride the rails and make sure the other takes care of himself? Do they have different hobbies? Get their pokemon team in different ways? Did their siblings disappear in the same way?

I’m so curious about their relationship and how it evolves! Like- maybe Emmet (1) is a little bitter about his brother not being there, and gets annoyed at Emmet (2) for bugging him with “self care” but how does that change into something like family? Is it slow? Is there an event that puts everything in perspective for him? (You don’t have to answer obviously- I’m just doing my own rambling now djdnbsjsbsb)

I just keep thinking how odd (and possibly awful or discombobulating) it is to see your face- but it’s not the person that shares your face that you’re looking for. Out of uniform they just see each other in the corner of their eye and there’s this heart stoping moment of hope-!

and then reality sits in.

anyway I freaking. Love this idea so much.

First of all I'd die for you so write that down

Second of all I have GREAT NEWS I had a few days at the end of november where I fixated on reflection AU (this is why writing steady tracks is so hard btw) and I wrote a oneshot that directly answers a lot of the questions you're asking here. I couldn't figure out how to approach posting it, but hey look! A perfect reason to share it! So you're getting that now. I'm going to put it at the bottom of this post, but I want a chance to answer some other things first

I’m really curious to what the differences are between the two Emmets. Why does Emmet (1) search for Ingo with such desperation while Emmet (2) is happy to ride the rails and make sure the other takes care of himself?

The two Emmets in Reflection AU are still the same person, but have ultimately made different decisions/taken different paths in regards to how they are coping with the loss of Ingo. That has formatively shaped who they are as people, and so now there are differences between them.

While he does his best to be positive and uplifting, Emmet (2) (Aka "This Emmet") is also struggling with the loss. He's expressed that and explored that in very different ways from Emmet (1) (Aka "Other Emmet"). Part of the nuance here is that while Other Emmet is very desperate to find Ingo, This Emmet has been trying to come to terms with his disappearance. But now, with Other Emmet's arrival, there's a small hope that they might both get their twins back someday. An extension of This Emmet's grief and complex feelings is that he wants to take care of Other Emmet, not because he feels great and happy and is just on standby ready to spring into action, but because he misses his own twin and it's easy for him to feel very strongly compelled to help this Other Emmet that shares his face.

Their dynamic comes from the various fandom takes on how Emmet handles Ingo's disappearance. The "He finds a way to cope" take (example: Steady tracks) and the "He finds a way to get him back" take. I wanted to see what would happen if I put those different branches of how Emmet could react to Ingo's disappearance in the same place.

Worth noting, both of their twins DID disappear in the same way. This AU uses ultra wormholes, specifically because of their propensity to chuck people across into other dimensions. This Emmet didn't know how or why Ingo disappeared until Other Emmet showed up and explained. Other Emmet sought out the answer himself.

(You don’t have to answer obviously- I’m just doing my own rambling now djdnbsjsbsb)

Jokes on you I'm about to answer the curiosities in those last two paragraphs to the fucking letter and I'm so glad you brought it up. I am so thrilled that I get to share this because I wasn't sure how to post it without context before. Surprise! Your ask just helped give everyone the needed context!!!

As always, thank you so much for the ask! 🌟

Heads up, I write the word Emmet in this so many times. I intentionally wanted it to be a liiiiittle hard to read, but at the same time, I tried to give enough context that you can tell which of the Emmets is doing something when the name comes up. This Emmet's words are in italics, and Other Emmet's words are normal. I also mention two of Emmet's pokemon by nickname in here and I don't feel like rewriting it, so I am gonna clarify that Bull is Conkeldurr and Axle is Haxorus.

You/I Know Me/You Too Well

TWs: (Minor) Confrontation, (Minor) Argument. Someone's wrist is grabbed but that's as physical as anything gets. ~3,000 Words (10-12 minutes) They weren't always on good terms.

He had been doing his best to help provide for him until now. He knew he didn't want to be seen in public. Of course he didn't.  There would be too many questions and not enough privacy. Better to not be seen at all, than make both of their lives a living hell.

He can't imagine he likes it, though. He thinks, there's probably even a chance that he's shutting himself away so forcibly because of him. That, maybe he doesn't want to ruin his life, disappear, and leave him to pick up the mess he left behind. 

Emmet softly raps two knuckles against the metal shutter of the abandoned shipping container. 

It could also very easily be that he hates him. He's always frustrated. He always glares at him with so much hatred, like the heat of a thousand volcarona and a thousand more darmanitan for good measure.  But he never frowns. He always has a pinched, impatient, dismissive, smile or snarl on his lips.  He didn't want him to draw any kind of comparison. He's sure he's doing it on purpose when he's around.  Whether that's to be kind and spare his feelings, or to stop him from getting emotionally attached, it's hard for him to say.

He doesn't think he likes being alone here. If he was at least at his own place, he would have the support of his friends and family. Presumably. It didn't sound like any of them had died or gone missing.  But here, he has no one. The only person who even knows to check on him is Emmet. 

Maybe it would have been kinder if he'd been completely alone. He'll have to keep wondering.  He can't stand by and let him waste away. Even if he doesn't want to see him, he wants to help. If that's by finding a spare shipping container to move off the tracks or by bringing food and supplies for him, it's got to count for something.

He hopes, at least. 

"Emmet?" He mumbles, trying to avoid getting on his bad side by being annoying or overbearing. "Are you in there?" There's some shuffling and typing that stops when he speaks. He is here, yes. 

Whether or not he wants to be bothered is a different question that Emmet can't answer. 

"um. Well, if you are home, I brought you some more food. Some canned fruits and soups. Things like that. I thought you might want some stuff that keeps well. Stuff that will not take more electricity to store."

There's some more shuffling.  He's never told him that he can hear him through the door. 

"If you are not here I will leave them at the door." He starts to lower the gift bag to the ground, looking away out at the cave around them.  It's very beautiful. He wishes he had more excuses to visit Chargestone.

"Okay. I am— leaving! Good bye."

He takes a hesitant step back, and turns to leave the way he came. 

He door of the container creaks open behind him. It startles him a little- he flinches, a bit. He's quick to fall back into step, keeping his eyes fixed onto the ground ahead of him. 

"Why are you here." His gravelly, exhausted, terse accusation is the only thing that makes him stop. 

He stays facing away, although tilts his head back up to hold a hand to the brim of his cap. "I am, here to deliver food. I said this, yep."

"Why are you here."

He asks again, no change in his tone or inflection. Not that either of them were especially good at that.  He can hear him checking the contents of his delivery. 

"D-" "Delivering food. I wanted to make sure you had enough." He swallows the lump that threatens to gag him. 

"It has barely been two days." "You know I have food." "You brought it."

Emmet tightens his grip on his cap. It's the only thing he can hold onto that won't be immediately obvious. He's scrambling for something to say, but his words don't come fast enough.

"You are a shit lier." "You would not have your back turned to me if you were telling the truth." He sounds like he doesn't have time for this.  That's such a fair way to feel about him. 

"I am sorry to bother you. Again." "I will go now."

He manages to take three much longer strides forward before much faster, much more angry sounding footsteps catch up to him. He grabs his wrist, forcing him to stop. Emmet glances over his shoulder, but is quick to snap back away. "What are you hiding from me." He sounds angry and upset. 

"I am sorry." He's quiet and small. 

"Stop giving me apologies and start giving me answers."

The words are dying in his throat.  "I-I'm sorry. I should l-leave." "I will leave you alone." He won't let go of his wrist and he can't pull out of his hold.

"Why won't you look at me?" He says with an extra dose of venom. He pulls on his arm, twisting him around to face him. 

He manages to rein in any surprise and fear pretty quickly, but not quick enough that the other wouldn't notice. 

Emmet stares him down, face to face, scrutinizing him and judging him. All at once, Emmet can see his puffy red eyes and quivering smile. He can see where the tear tracks have dried on his cheeks. He can see the way that his gloves hands shake weakly in his grip. 

That anger turns to confusion, and then immediately into discomfort.  "...What... Happened to you?"

His voice doesn't feel like it will serve him anymore. His throat feels dry and scratchy.  "I am sorry. I should leave."

He pulls at his wrist again, but while his grip is looser, he won't let go of him. His hand is warm. Maybe it would be a little sweaty if he had caught his wrist instead of his dress shirt. Emmet can't tell, though.

He looks so uncomfortable. That instant when bottled wrath shifted to discomfort said everything it needed to. 

"G-go. I should go."

"...Are you okay?" He asks him with intense hesitation. 

"sorry, I- I am sorry to bother you!" He won't let go of his wrist. Tugging again and again, but he won't let go. He's going to tear up again. He needs to leave. Please, let him go. He shouldn't have come and it was so stupid, he-

"Emmet." "...What happened?"

He starts to cry again. His breath stuttering and growing faster. His words are still stolen for several seconds more.  His eyes flick across Emmet's face, wishing that anger would come back. 

He gets a hold of his words.  "Closed."

Emmet only levels him a more confused and uncomfortable expression, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. 

"The investigation." "His investigation was" "Closed."

Emmet's expression darkens. "Oh."

Emmet shrivels, pulling his hand out. Emmet lets go of him.  "I am going to leave. I am sorry." He doesn't have time to turn around. "Stop."

Emmet stares him in the eyes, scowling now, but still with the disquieted look of a stranger that doesn't want to deal with his emotions.

"Why did you come here?"

Emmet manages a false start, then another.  He tears his eyes away to find comfort in the crystal walls instead as he covers his mouth with a gloved hand. He blinks through another wave of tears. "i  d on't  kno w."

They both know he's lying. He can't meet his eyes. 

He turns abruptly to run away. His boots scuff on the rocky earth.  "I'm sorry. I'm leaving." He can only get one step in. Emmet does not grab him.  "-Do you want to come in."

They're at a stand still. It's the only thing he could have said that would make Emmet pause again. 

"Would you like to come inside?" He offers again. Emmet can't miss it this time, it was emphatic and clear and absolutely directed at him. Even if his voice was empty and tense.

"Can I?"

"Yes."

Emmet keeps his eyes averted, hat pulled down to cover his eyes as he undoes his turn away. He puts his hand back down.

"Okay."

Emmet turns around to walk back to the door. Emmet follows him silently, several steps behind.

He leads him inside, closing the door behind him and dragging the grocery bag through the door for good measure.  He's only been inside a small handful of times, and never for long enough to get comfortable. There is a giant computer set up on the far end, and several cables have been strung through the whole container. They travel along the floor or are tied to the walls with zip ties, before finding deliberate holes punched in the walls that lead to the natural electricity outside. 

"Do not touch anything." "Do not touch the computers or the cables."

Emmet says nothing, but nods quickly. He finds a seat presented to him- an old used couch he had dragged all the way out here with Bull's and Axle's help. The other yanks some blankets off the cushions, tossing them behind it and gesturing briefly to the seat. 

"Here."

Emmet takes a seat on the end furthest from the high-tech-looking machines. 

"I am doing important work." "Right." Don't interrupt me goes unspoken but loud and clear. 

He must be sleeping on the couch. Of course. Where else would be sleeping? Emmet hadn't given him anything else. After the offer for him to stay in Ingo's old room went harshly rejected, he hadn't remembered to find another. Maybe if he had brought his bed like he did with the couch and didn't tell him who's it was, he would have accepted it. It's probably too late for that now, he'd be able to tell he was hiding something.

He sits quietly on the couch with his head down, legs stitched together and hands on his knees as he leans into the back and the arm. He sniffles once. He doesn't like how noses get all runny when people are sad, it's really gross and annoying.  His arms are shaking. A couple more tears fall from his eyes, and he keeps his head down.

He could cry as many tears as he wanted to here, and no one would bat an eye. No one would stop to ask him how he's doing, there wouldn't be any croons or coos of upset pokemon. He didn't have to worry about PR or the media or anyone else from across the region judging him. 

Just him and his tears. He could finally just cry. 

He had gotten so caught up in his thoughts that he stopped paying attention to what was happening around him. He flinches when a weight shifts the couch cushions.  Emmet has taken the spot on the other side of the couch, one cushion's worth of space between them. 

He holds something in Emmet's direction, and it takes him a few seconds to catch up with what it is.

It's a lemonade. Emmet is looking at him expectantly.  He's holding his own drink in his other hand. Emmet takes it carefully but appreciatively. His fingers are so warm. He brushes past them quick, taking it. They'd be warmer if he wasn't wearing his gloves.  They leave a tiny impression on the can, a barely lingering heat. 

"Stop masking."

Emmet, who's eyes had been fixed downward on the can in his lap, look up to meet his somewhat uncertain.  "Huh?"

"Stop masking. I know you are doing it. I am you. I know what it looks like." Emmet sits up just a little straighter. The other cracks open his drink, before turning to look at him again.  "Just cry. Talk about it. Whatever."

He takes a sip of his drink, averting his eyes to look at his computers.

Emmet cracks open his own drink, unraveling with a hitched breath as he loosens up and doesn't curl on himself so tightly. The lemonade is very sweet, but just the right amount of tangy.  He doesn't say much at all, but there isn't really silence between the sniffles and occasional sobs.

"...I knew it would happen."

"...Did it..." "...For you, too?" 

"...No."

"No?"

Emmet must've picked up on the watery hope in his tone. "The day was coming up fast." "I did not stick around long enough to find out."

There's a longer silence between them, broken up by wet hiccups.

Emmet never bought him any lemonade. He must have risked a trip to one of the less populated stations in the subway. The vending machines were still diligently stocked. After another hiccup, he licks some of the tears off his face. Gross. Salty. That's what the gloves were for, silly. He daubs at his cheeks.

"How much do I owe you?" "What?"  The reply is so fast and he sounds so confused, it makes him laugh quietly to himself. Emmet is looking over at him, genuinely lost. Emmet holds up his can, still trying to get a persistent dew out of one eye.

He looks at him like he's just told an especially stupid pun. Like Elesa. "Are you kidding me?" It does crack him up again, the sound of his voice and the look on his face. More real this time. "You do not owe me anything. Take one look around this room and ask again." He supplies, sounding incredulous.

"Haha- Okay- Okay."

"That is so- Stupid." He says, and there's something in hearing it that stings- He's running a hand through his hair, though. Emmet can see stress woven through every fiber of his body language. "That is so selfless- and totally unnecessary! It is so stupid!" "So-"

He falters.

"Kind."

"You have been so kind to me." He avoids the surprise in Emmet's eyes by hunching forward, curling onto himself with his lips resting on the rim of his can.

Emmet takes a sip of his own drink to buy him time to find words that were just stolen off his tongue. "You would have done the same."

He doesn't reply, turning his head away. "I am you. You are me."

The pause in between is punctuated by another sniffle.

"I do not think we are the same person any more." His eyes are fixated on one of the endless loading circles on the computer screen across the room, electronic light bathing him a blue shade.

"...You are still you."

He sits up straighter, looking down as he fiddles with the can's tab. "I am not the same as you." "I have spent so long. Searching for him." "I have learned so much crazy stuff and tried so many different things."

"I was just trying to get him back. I think I lost something to do it."

The silence drags on for a while. Emmet sounds resigned, and tired. He doesn't seem to expect him to have anything to say, but he does. He just needs to think of the right way to say it, first.

"You bought me a lemonade."

He scoffs. "That is barely-" "You let me inside."

He looks conflicted, finally meeting his eyes again. "Well-" "Well?"

"I- There have been plenty of times I did not." "Maybe. But I was not crying those times."

"I have left you at the door. All the time." "All the time- And just waited for you to leave me alone." Emmet is somewhat surprised he admitted to that, but doesn't let it show.

"I know." "But you let me in today." He seems to be struggling to come up with another rebuttal.

"You are still honest." "You are still kind. Even if it is not as easy as you want."

"It is never easy to be kind."

Emmet is now the one avoiding the other's eyes. He's found a spot on the wall where the wires don't fully block the hole up, letting him catch a glimpse of a blue crystal.

His couch buddy was finding that sentiment especially sobering right now.

"...Sorry."

"It is okay."

"It, really is not..." He corrects him hesitantly. "But I forgive you, so it is."

He doesn't have a comeback for that one.

He was expecting by this point in the conversation that there wouldn't be anything else that could surprise him, but Emmet does have one last trick he isn't prepared for. He sets his can down on the floor.

"Do-"

He trips over his own tongue and has to start again, except now he's silently cursing himself, because he now has Emmet's undivided attention.

"You. You came all the way out here." "Oh- Right, I should get going-" He starts to pick himself up, quickly making another attempt to dry his eyes- "DO- YOU! WAnt a hug!"

He's stopped mid crouch, failing his attempt to stand and you'd think he never tried to leave his chair.

Emmet panics, throwing out both his arms in his direction but refusing to look at him.

Emmet isn't, exactly sure how to respond. "...Do you want to give me a hug?"

The other falters. His arms twitch. "You do not have to! I wanted to offer." "You are sad. And upset." "And you came all this way-"

"But do you actually want to?" He measures his tone carefully... The hurt in his voice is small, but present.

"Or do you just feel like you need to?"

He flinches, arms curling back to himself until he's tied himself smaller, holding his upper arms tightly. Emmet can immediately read and recognize that tell, want, and he's immediately regretting reading into the offer. It's more obvious how tightly he's caught his own grip because he isn't wearing his gloves. He's fully turned away from him, now. Emmet's heart sinks like a hard stone. "Right- Sorry! I shouldn't have asked!" "It is rude to disrespect personal space!"

His heart wrenches into a violent knot, twisting at the familiar phrase.  The amount of times he's had to remind himself of that since Ingo disappeared, he could never count.

"I- Didn't mean to- Sorry-! I-!" Emmet has cleared the paltry space between them before the other can finish another stammering sentence.  He holds onto Emmet fiercely tight, looping his hands under his far arm so he can pull himself into Emmet's shoulder. Any conversation is sharply silenced as his arms untangle from their self-soothing spots to loop around his torso instead. 

He's actually quite cold to the touch, after Emmet picks his gloves off. His rolled up sleeves and foregone coat must not keep the heat in very well, and the thin walls of the shipping container aren't insulating the chill from deep underground.

Any shared tears past that point are between them and the computers.

"I'm sorry-" "I'm sorry." "It's going to be okay." "I'm going to make it okay again." "I promise." "But you don't have to do it alone, do you?"

"No." "And I don't- I don't want to."

"I do not want to anymore."

"Perfect!" "Then I will not let you be alone."

Reflection AU Masterpost