#and warm food

[kakushino]

Smokescreen

Rengoku Kyojuro x GN! Reader

Suppress, smile, survive.

Tags: hurt/comfort Word count: ~1k

Masterlist

AN: This was quite the emotional piece for me to write. I hope yall won't be destroyed by it. Written as a Christmas present to dear @heartbroken4ever ~

The water temperature was just right, the fog rising in the bathroom concealed him from prying eyes should there be any - a smoke screen of sorts - but the tears streaming down his face felt like branding iron, searing an unseen wound into his soul.

His throat was clogged with emotion, his body felt too hot and too cold at the same time, shame burned his cheeks bright red as he gasped for breath quietly. He was choking, drowning, suffocating on the aching mess built up in his core over the weeks, months, years. 

You’re a disgrace.

No, father, please!

Good for nothing.

I just want you to be proud of me!

Get out of my sight.

I just want you to look at me!

He had told Senjuro before that the fire in his heart couldn’t ever be extinguished, that he would never give in…

He wasn’t so sure now.

His heart shrieked in grief, a banshee mourning the loss of his father’s love yet again. He kept hoping and hoping, praying and praying; it was all for naught. Perhaps he was a disgrace, perhaps he was good for nothing, perhaps he should just-

No. He couldn’t give into that. He would fight until his final breath for humanity, though the thought still lingered on his mind.

The Flame Hashira never lashed out, never cried loudly, he never felt he deserved to carve out a place for his sorrow in others’ minds. However, his breath came out in a death rattle, as if his lungs were truly filling up with fluid-

He thought he was being quiet.

“My love?” 

Kyojuro stifled a curse, and forced down everything that had bubbled over from the tightly wound knot of his negative emotions; he put it all away with desperate swiftness belaying his misery.

He never wanted to weigh you down with his baggage after all.

He cleared his throat, and called out “Yes?” in what he hoped was his usual tone. He gathered all the loose strings and forced them back inside, splashing lukewarm water - when had it gotten so cool? - onto his face to wash away the tears.

The slight waver betrayed the state of your partner. “Are you okay? You have been there an hour…” you asked, still at the threshold of the room. It was foggy inside, but you could see your love’s silhouette moving a little. “I’m coming in.”

Kyojuro hoped beyond hope all signs of his distress were gone as he pulled his signature wide smile onto his face like a mask. You already had so much on your plate, how could he burden you with his insignificant worries?

“You are bold today, my love!” His smile stretched into a grin as you walked closer to him, glad to see you, though the ache inside only throbbed more prominently as he suppressed the emotional release he needed.

You, on the other hand, knew something was wrong, and you knew Kyojuro was loath to show any weakness even to you - his partner of over two years. You didn’t want to force him to show vulnerability to you, but you would be damned if he went through it all alone.

You stepped around him silently to hug him from the back as he leaned on the side of the bathtub. His skin was warm, overly so as always, but the water wasn’t, which was telling in a way.

“It’s okay to let go, dearest,” you murmured into his ear, your head nuzzling lightly against his in a cat-like affectionate gesture. Your hands splayed on his chest as you let him remain unseen yet offered him unconditional support. No amount of ‘dirty laundry’ he hid from you would make you leave your Kyojuro.

His face pulled into an ugly expression he was glad you couldn’t see as he tried to hold back his feelings. They pressed against his chest and made it hard to breathe again, his total concentration breathing broken for the second time today. His lungs physically hurt from the suppression.

“I’ve got you,” you said softly. 

Oh how he wished his father held him like you did, how he wished he could say your embrace was enough… It would have to be enough. 

The first choked sob that burst from his chest was loud and echoed in the bathroom. Your heart broke as you cradled him in all the comfort and warmth you could provide to him. More distressing noises left your lover and your arms tightened around him. It hurt to not be able to do anything other than stay as his pillar of support.

Kyojuro pressed his head against yours, cheek to cheek, his breathing ragged as tears fell. 

“Let it all out, love. I’m here,” you whispered reassuringly, caressing his chest briefly before his hands came up to intertwine with yours. He held onto you as if you were his lifeline, clung to you like a lost child in a dark forest. Water soaked your yukata sleeves, but you cared little as you started to rock him slowly. “You don’t have to smile when you don’t feel good… not with me.”

The bath was cold and goosebumps spread across your skin by the time Kyojuro fell into an exhausted silence. You stayed with him the entire time, despite the discomfort of the cold water, despite the awkward position; you stayed and you gave him the love he so desperately needed.

“Never hesitate to lean on me, my love. I’m here with you… I’m here for you. You’re so strong and brave. My warrior… Let it all out, never bottle it in, okay? Shhhh… I love you, Rengoku Kyojuro.”

How could he have thought you weren’t enough to help him through this… He was a fool.

You were his personal Deity of Salvation, and he would stay your reverent worshiper until the day he died. Until his soul crossed the Sanzu river, he would be yours.

dividers made by the awesome @benkeibear Network: @enchantedforest-network

[earththings]

[golswia]

ineffable retirement

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Thanks for listening to my sad backstory. Anyway, here's Wonderwall.

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[chrismcshell]

these guys know whats up !!!!

[julieterbang]

pollykoshkina_

[happyheidi]

[enkindles]

candela

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

real talk having the 2nd worst new years eve yet 🤢🤢🤢 (throat infection, twisted neck, banged-about-foot, ego AND the rest o' me all bruised like misjuggled peaches 🍑🍑🍑)

im bent outa shape and suspectin the universe owes me 8 buck if anyone wannsa chip in

[esthers-wine]

“If a year was tucked inside of a clock, then autumn would be the magic hour.” – Victoria Erickson

Gif Source.

[shotofstress]

Coming back after being almost a week without electricity, phone, and internet connection. Huge storms with lightning and rain, and winds. We have never have winds like that here and the roof of so many houses were ripped off, stuff flying, etc. All this bc global warming, and the deforestation and mining in our lands. At this rate, in 5 years we will have tornadoes, a thing we have never ever have here. Nor our lands, infrastructures, states, and culture are prepared for this. Areas of the country are devastated, ppl have died, many are without electricity nor Internet connection so they are isolated. The houses are flooding with water, and the ones that not, are leaking from the ceiling. Too many neighbours and compatriots don't have roofs and the streets are full of fallen trees and pieces of roof material, no electricity, no signal, food rotting, but suffering at the same time for the cold of this terrible winter, and trying to do something, patching even when its gonna go to hell when the storm comes again this next days. More than 33,200 people affected and 41,500 isolated due to 5 days of rain and windstorms. In just a couple of days there were 170,000 homes left without power due to wind and rainstorms and even more as time went by.

If u want to help me to fix the roof, walls, to buy food and being warm this winter please check my PayPal. If u can't donate, please reblog bc thats the only way to make this being seen by ppl thus receiving help. I'm really not being able to keep living like this, i can no longer cope, so please share.

Here are in my PayPal or MACH . I took the kofi link bc they were charging me a fee.

Please, educate about global warming and the effects on Global South, specially for working class, chronically ill, autistic, disable, and long covid survivor ppl like myself.

Edit: I added links and pics

Edit: the weather is better (is finally spring at this current date 24th nov), but I still need to fix were I live/sleep bc the walls are broken and one of the walls is not a wall, but like 1cm wide stuff and all was bad build so even the door is twisted and dont work correctly, there is black mold that i think is damaging my ears, the paint is falling, the lamp has fallen, everything is broken and ugly, etc. I still need to buy food, meds, and everything so please, please, share or donate if you could. I don't want to survive like this and here, no one mask even when they were the ones giving me covid and they have making me also catch flu the other day bc they cogh over everything and don't care if they kill me, they are abusive and really violent people and are working to put me and everyone in danger. I dont even want to be in my country bc we will have a dictatorship soon, but I have nowhere else to go nor money to migrate (i need like $10.537 dollars or € 9.760,95 euros to pay all the documents, the bank money I have to show to prove I am a human being deserver of rights, the tickets, rent money and stuff to migrate).

I currently have $100 dollars donated (coz i spent 40 in food and meds this past month)

I know i will die here, but at least help me to survive in a less dehumanising way.

Edit: tumblr has blocked me from recive or send messages from the chat and comment of posts, so if you are trying to reach throughout there I can't see it, sorry, I'm cut from any communication (cant even see past messages from chat or asks), except send asks. I'm waiting that tumblr do something, but still hasn't even answered the help file I sent to them.

[earththings]

[marlowe-art]

two of them !

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Council of lovefools.

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[eyegifs]

Bear pudding danish (<3)

[christmasxmas]