#and vice versa for the doctor obviously i just. i love them so much

[stewy]

freema saying she had never played a character who’s been in love before sense8 meaning martha wasn’t in love with the doctor at all is so

[mistershr1mp]

Sorry one last thing. It is actually driving me insane how dense people are being about especially whether or not Shoko cares about Gojo.

First and foremost, being a jujutsu sorcerer IS a curse. It means that you are constantly conditioned to perpetuate violence and be desensitized to death and loss as a means to accept how truly suddenly you can lose anyone. It’s a motivation to be strong and not get left behind. This also means going down this path actively fractures relationships and pulls people apart from emotional bonds as to not get too attached (tho obviously, with every close romantic platonic and familial relationship we see it daily, because love perseveres as much as curses do).

Between Shoko’s already sheltered nature due to the utility of her abilities needing to be protected, naturally becoming conditioned to death and loss of her peers intimately as a doctor, and the disparity in strength between her, Gojo, and Geto, emotionally she feels ignored and casted to the side, but most importantly like she couldn’t ever reach them. This is the same vice versa with Gojo and Geto. Because of the immense amount of trauma as well as the nature of what it means to get stronger none of them could communicate nor reach the other.

Despite this literal and figurative gap, her actions and thoughts prove that she cares immensely about Gojo and Geto, and she goes out of her way to reach them in other ways. Something she does know is that Satoru is strong, and I don’t think until the fight actually happened she ever thought there was even a chance he could lose (we see her look genuinely distressed and get distracted as the fight goes on). This is a plan that was absolute last resort that no one wanted or thought would happen. She doesn’t have time to grieve, she doesn’t have time to object anymore. Satoru is gone and everyone is putting their life on the line to defeat the very prevalent threat in front of them. This is also an end Gojo accepted and I don’t think her objection would have changed his mind (however he obviously longs for that validation but can’t receive it bc he’s had to push everyone away since Geto’s defection).

It’s a horrible, despair inducing end for Gojo. It is heartbreaking to see his body reanimated for violence and bloodshed by a student who he tried to preserve the youth and innocence of. But to blame Shoko, who literally does not have another choice and is too occupied with saving other sorcerers and helping defeat Sukuna by healing people to pretend Geto was the only person who cared about Gojo is lunacy. She’s just as emotionally stunted and everyone processes emotions differently.

Gojo, Geto, and Shoko were the best of friends and loved each other immensely. They just didn’t know how to handle the world around them and were unable to communicate and reach each other fully. This is just my opinion tho so what do I know lmao

[rainbow-femme]

So obviously I love just how much LGBTQ+ media exists now, and how much media has LGBTQ+ characters in it, but something Gen Z and later generations will never experience is being so desperate for anything that you end up finding the weirdest gay indie movies imaginable, watching them once at 2 am and then never seeing them again, and being haunted by the half remembered plots because you cannot for the life of you track them down again

So I would like to give you that experience vicariously through two of the ones I watched over a decade ago. If you recognize these please let me know I would love to track them down

The first was about this French gay dude in America who was marrying a lesbian friend to get a green card, and his boyfriend is like

“Hey babe my sibling is coming to town and going to stay with us.”

And the French guy goes “That seems like a bad idea, on account of you telling me that every time they come into town they become super toxic and make you the worst version of yourself and ruin your life.”

And the boyfriend is like “Ok but what are the odds that would happen again.”

The sibling I’m going to use they/them for because in an example of wonderful handling of trans characters, this person continually changes their mind about their gender, which is fine, except they keep managing to get full sex change surgeries every time it happens which is absolutely wild to me because it’s implied they have fully transitioned multiple times. They come into town having had a full MTF transition to the point of both top and bottom surgery and hormones but they’ve decided they’re a man again so they want a place to crash while they have a full FTM transition and I feel like I vividly remember them saying something about finding a doctor who can make them a pair of testicles. Like, specifically testicles was what they brought up, no other bits, this doctor apparently only made and attached artificial testicles and this character decided to start there

So naturally they start isolating the boyfriend from everyone by convincing him that everyone is out to get him and his French boyfriend sucks and is holding him back to the point that the boyfriend I’m pretty sure starts physically abusing the French guy along with other emotional abuse

And the story culminates in the two of them tipping off immigration about the green card marriage and literally get this dude deported, like he is handcuffed and put into a car and taken away, and also probably screwing over the lesbian friend who had agreed to marry him after the boyfriend had asked her to do it to help them

And as the car is driving away the boyfriend looks at the sibling and gives a “Nuh uh, I’m done with you” head shake and starts chasing after the car the French dude is in only to be hit by a different car and presumably killed

And that’s it, that’s the movie

The second is probably my favorite half remembered middle of the night gay movie

It’s about two lesbian friends who seem to be trying out dating each other to see if the relationship would work, and they end up meeting a group of BDSM lesbians who go “Uh, didn’t anyone tell you that lesbians don’t do monogamy anymore? We’re all polyamorous and have BDSM subculture personalities that we live in 24/7, that’s the only way to be a lesbian”

(Side note I don’t think this movie is actually bad about BDSM or polyamory stuff, it’s more about how people just coming out can easily get sucked into doing what they think they should and end up unhappy and over their heads in order to fit what a “real [X] person” looks or acts like. The characters who legitimately enjoy the lifestyle seem to be written in a good way based off my 10+ year old memory of my single viewing)

So the two lesbians decide that one is going to full time be a Daddy personality and the other will be a Little Girl personality, and they can sleep with whoever they want except the Daddy one can’t sleep with a different Little Girl or vice versa because that’s cheating

And this movie was so good because these two had 100% no knowledge of what they were actually supposed to do in BDSM situations and just kept acting like they did and the people in the scenes were like “… Ok, I guess I’ll trust you’re going somewhere with this?” and they never were, they were always just stalling for time

The best example is when the Little Girl one met a butch sub who was a Little Boy, I guess, and she wanted to do a three way with the Little Boy and the Daddy, and again they take things pretty literally so in the scene they’re like “ok you’re my dad and this is my son so that means you’re his grandpa.” And the Daddy one again has no idea what to do when genuinely faced with an experienced sub so she goes “Um, let’s make him sit in a box?” so they get a comically small box and make the sub squat down in it but again they have no idea what to do next and it culminates in the Little Girl saying she’s being drawn between the Daddy one she had been into before all of this and the Little Boy one she just met which pisses off the Daddy one so she leaves, fully confusing the Little Boy sub who thought that was all part of the scene

And then the Daddy one decides if the other is gonna have a new person she will too and she finds a super experienced femme domme and tries to flirt by pretending to be a dog and bringing her something in her mouth and the femme domme is just like “Ok A. I know you’re not actually into this so I’m not going to do anything to you because you wouldn’t like it, but also B. Even if you were I am so far above your experience level you would not be able to take it. So WTF is your problem cut it out.”

And there’s like a BDSM spin the bottle where you kiss or smack or lick the boot of whoever you land on and the Daddy one kisses a different Little Girl which pisses of the original Little Girl so she storms off so the Daddy One fully sleeps with the second one, and then gets in a fight with the original one over how one cheated because she got with the same archetype as the other but the other also cheated because she actually got feelings for someone else

And somehow they resolve everything and the story ends with them turning this into a performance art piece. You don’t see the actual performance art, probably because the writers wanted them to get wild applause but couldn’t think of a performance art piece based on this that would actually earn wild applause so you just see them being applauded while wearing a bunch of ties and jackets and scarves and stuff to I guess symbolize them trying to be things they weren’t

And then you see the butch sub getting whipped or spanked or something by the femme domme to show that everyone got their happily ever after

Heartstopper is great and all but they just don’t make ‘em like that anymore

[variousqueerthings]

Vincent And The Doctor! an episode that is both bad and good! but the good outweighs the bad, because Vincent is just so good!

but there is in fact an alien in this story as well, sooo...

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 7/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored): 6/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 6/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 6/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 4/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 9/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 8/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 8/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 7/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 8/10

FULL RATING: 69/100 (if I can count….)

this episode we watch Matt Smith as a British man very seriously say "Vincent van Goffff" over and over again, but Bill Nighy did it right so that's good

and Amy screams a lot and doesn't remember the past

OBJECTIFICATION: Amy is not wearing a miniskirt! yay! she is wearing short shorts under a long jacket and scarf, so idk. not shorts-weather I guess, but at least she can run in this (although she doesn't do much running on the whole this episode)

PLOT-POINT: Soooooo I rated this one quite high, which I think is a bit generous of me, but the thing is that in this episode the reason that Amy isn't exploring what happened to her last episode is because she doesn't remember it happening!

and the Doctor is trying very hard to protect her from those feelings. but Vincent recognises them. there's a bit of "the body remembers" happening here, and so I think this is acceptable. Especially the bit where the Doctor says "Amy- Rory" out of habit and she asks "who?"

I also like that she's excited to see more Van Gogh paintings and is someone who fails to consider how mental health can have good days and bad days. Prompting this quote of all time:

"the good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant. and we definitely added to his pile of good things."

COMPLEXITY: the plot is kind of two things, one of which is obviously stronger (Vincent) than the other (the Krafayis). they never quite come together, or specifically the latter is underdeveloped. I guess it has that speech at the end where Vincent is saying that it lashed out because it was afraid, like people do (the people who are terrible to him for being different), but I'm not sure that's what it should be about. especially when they discover that the Krafayis is blind, which happens right before it's killed. the Krafayis is disabled, like Vincent is

it's kind of a messed up story. right before it dies it goes "I am afraid." They just killed this being, which was abandoned for being disabled. that is the failing side of the episode

However simply as a story about Vincent van Gogh it's pretty lovely, and what it's remembered for. I don't agree with the bit where he talks about being left utterly alone and that framing, because historically he had people who cared for him, and he wasn't anti-doctors either, but I understand why it works for some of what's being said -- Amy and the Doctor are there, and Vincent is still suffering from serious mental health issues and feels alone in that

So in that sense the complexity works -- complexity of emotion

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: the underlying thing here is how Vincent recognises Amy's pain as someone who is also in pain, and Amy of course has no idea what he's on about

overall though it's meant to be -- and works as -- a standalone and doesn't need to be more than that. also as a character Thing, the Doctor's hyperactivity and of it all is a fun detail

COMPANIONS MATTER: Amy doesn't do much outside of her chat with Vincent, which isn't bad. She's ostensibly the emotional anchor to the Doctor's doing stuff. however, am noticing that this scores consistently a bit lower on most episodes and whether I should be getting harsher about it, because at this point Amy is apparently super With It, she knows time travel, she's confident, etc. So why is she still mostly just hanging around?

I do wish she had more... opinions on things. they lie there and see the night sky and she says nothing. the script struggles to make her anchoring Vincent have much to do with herself, or to tie it into the plot. Why is she not the person who suggests taking Vincent to the present, for example?

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: the Doctor is there to admire Vincent van Gogh, as is right and good!

I do think it's bold that the Doctor is so bad at relating to Vincent's issues though, considering the Doctor is the posterboy for mental health issues

I kind of wish the Doctor had been more able in this episode, specifically with the Krafayis. he's so helpless until the end and then it dies, it seems kind of odd for him

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: Hartnell and Troughton visuals! Nothing special in it, but again, it's a standalone

"SEXINESS": we almost don't have this, and it's frankly because the actor for Van Gogh is so good that he doesn't make it seem creepy that Vincent is just hitting on her from moment one. there's also some quite dorky flirting (Richard Curtis style) which is much more charming

INTERNAL WORLD: I guess this is fine. Again, some of the characterisation of what was happening around Van Gogh is shifted to suit the episode, and I don't think it needed to be, but it's suitable for purpose. also the casting is so good!

POLITICS: so the bad is as mentioned above, the alien portrayal, when we discover it's abandoned and disabled

On the flipside the things about Vincent's mental health, and how that's presented on the whole, famously, is considered pretty good

it's not about "fixing" him, or about mental illness as necessary for the sake of good art, or about covering up the fact that he committed suicide, it's simply presenting him as a man

and of course the famous scene at the end -- what if someone who wasn't convinced that they were any good or much worth in their lifetime got to experience how they were remembered? not everything is about legacy of course, but in this case it works precisely because it doesn't work as a "fixer," but it does provide some solace

so in the end it's really about moments of solace

FULL RATING: 69/100 (if I can count….)

I actually thought this story would rate higher, but where it lets us down is in everything around the admittedly wonderful portrayal of Vincent van Gogh. Especially, again... Amy doesn't do that much. And the quite unfortunate implications in the way the alien of the week is portrayed

on the flipside it's a wonderful little exploration of mental illness and a portrait of a wonderful painter!

[mulderscully]

What is your favorite thing you love about the doctor and rose?

been thinking about this all day.

i love a lot of things about them but i think what draws me the most to them now is how much care rtd put into their story every step of the way.

i really love how rose's importance to the doctor those first four seasons is never downplayed, even after they were seperated. i like that the fact that he is essentially immortal and she isn't is allowed to take up the space that it should and that it creates just the right amount of repression, where the doctor cannot fully open himself up to her but he also is obviously deeply devoted to her and unashamedly in love with her and vice versa.

i love that (despite what some antis and fics say) he never ever sees her as beneath him or as unintelligent because of her upbringing and in turn i love that she doesn't see him as some sort of god or as above her either. they are just two people who love and complete each other and that's really rare and special in immortal/mortal ships.

and i love that in the end it's him who wants to be human with her, who gets to be human with her even in just one life. i love that rtd loves them enough to give them an impossible soft ending and that he threaded that throughout their relationship so the clues for where they were headed are all there.

i just think they are a master class in writing, honestly.

[bisexualnamjoonie]

Hello Sabri! Recently, I saw a post with some gay drama and I'd like to know if you have some recs for me? I'm thinking of watching Vice Versa soon but I'd love to get into more dramas like that. My favourite is probably Not Me (or Bad Buddy) but I can't keep watching these two over and over lol. Thanks in advance and have a great day <3

ooooooh thank you for that reallynice ask! well i haven't watched that many thai dramas lately but i do have a few to recommend, and then some korean ones that are really good as well (i hope you haven't seen them...)

okay so my fav underrated thai bl is definitely manner of death. it stars max nattapol and tul pakorn (the original bl kings!) and is about that doctor who finds himself in a bit of a pickle trying to solve a suicide-but-really-murder case. the show is a bit dark but its pace and writing are really good + maxtul's chemistry is something else.

if you've loved not me i OBVIOUSLY recommend the eclipse if you haven't seen it already. it is a must. it stars first and khaotung (my babies <3) and has layers and layers of political statements about thailand's regime and queer ppl (it's important to say that it is made by golf tanwarin sukkhapisit, a trans activist who was also the first openly trans woman MP of thailand!)

23.5 hasn't aired yet BUT i am waiting for it impatiently 😍 we need some more gl outthere!

talking about gl you also have GAP, which i haven't watched yet but has a lot of nice kissing scenes from what i've seen 👀

i haven't seen moonlight chicken yet but as a general thai bl rule i would recommend all of the earthmix shows, especially tale of a 1000 stars. sometimes the plot is a bit wobbly but earthmix's chemistry is incredible and the show is also really moving (i cried watching it lol).

finally in the thai drama department my last recommendation would be i told sunset about you, which is a classic and a must see 💙

note: all of those can be quite dark and serious at times, so if you looking for something a bit more fun i'd go for cutie pie or secret crush on you which is the batshiest craziest cringiest show you'll ever watch (i love them. so much. all the characters in this are insane. also it is worth pointing out that for once the feminine gays get to be the stars of the show).

moving on to the kdramas!

it won't have escaped your attention if you follow me that i have been completely insane about the eight sense. idk what to tell you. the queer experience is universal and i am in love. WATCH IT.

in that same vein if you haven't already you must watch blueming, aka my favourite bl of all time with the eight sense, and where your eyes linger (generally speaking i would recommend everything hwang daseul has done, she's an incredible director and writer).

i just finished our dating sim and unintentional love story, which i had a nice time watching!

if you still haven't seen it (HOW??) i obviously recommend semantic error, the king of korean bls. the characters are smart but dumb together and i love them (btw the webtoon is really fun to read too if you're into that!)

finally i'll recommend choco milk shake, which deals with grief in a very soft way and has an incredible cast. you can watch it for free on the company's youtube channel so please support them!

i forgot a lot of thai bls and didn't go into the japanese and taiwanese ones but if you're interested send me another ask! :)

[arsenalgbt]

Hey hi this is crushedstars from ao3 :) First of all thank you for being so nice haha I used to write original stuff a lot but you know how life hits you, and now it just slips into everything. I do write poetry and have written fics but not arsenal-related! anyway haha. Since you asked some of my favourite writers include Angela Carter, Jane Austen, Etel Adnan, James Baldwin, Rabih Alameddine, Marcel Proust, J.M.G. le Clezio, and when it comes to poets, it's Anna Akhmatova, Fadwa Tuqan, Richard Siken! You compared me to Shakespeare (which - hello, crazy) and I do recommend reading him!! Some answers to your comments: the thing that the fic bleeds is that Declan and Kai so obviously love and worship each other but the crater between them is caused by 1) the fact that the love the other shows is not something the other understands, much less is fluent in, and 2) each of them leaves blanks in what they transmit to the other because of their own past/insecurities/struggles/skewed perception and the other is left with having to fill out the blank, which is a deeply subjective process that ends up with them materializing really deep fears. So if the marriage wants to heal those two points should be somewhat addressed by them. NOT saying they should change how they love or how they show their love, but tackling the problem at the root, looking at it head-on. What's poisoning this? Do you know I love you? Do you know I'd throw it all away for you? Do you know I stay alive for you? With regard to JTimber: I understand the writer's urge for the big reveal and the late entrance of the Heart of the Narrative character in the flesh, but please, liberate yourself from that. He doesn't have to physically be in the room. He is there. When Kai was secretive about his doctor's appointment Declan jumped to the conclusion that he was with Jurrien. Jurrien has always been here, from the literal first instalment with Leah, the first scene. That sets it. He haunts the narrative. And why do ghosts exist?? because something is left unresolved. Because there's a knot tied too tight. So Jurrien doesn't have to be here for Kai to get closure and Declan to stop seeing him in his marital bed. With regard to Spinnechen's gender: PLEASE that was just 6 AM ramblings, don't feel like you have to change the gender! It would also be so extremely meaningful for Kai and Declan to have a son and still shield them from the generational hell they've been subjected to. But if you want her to be a girl ofc ofc. Anyway those are my thoughts. All my personal opinion please remember you hold the feather and the ink! Happy to answer any other questions :)

1) the fact that the love the other shows is not something the other understands, much less is fluent in, and 2) each of them leaves blanks in what they transmit to the other because of their own past/insecurities/struggles/skewed perception and the other is left with having to fill out the blank, which is a deeply subjective process that ends up with them materializing really deep fears.

man

just how the fuck my magnum opus could prompt amazing people to leave amazing comments............. super fucking honoured yo....... the fact that how Declan loves is a foreign language to kai, and vice versa. GODDAMN.

ABOUT JURRIEN LOLLLLL he will be there unfortunately *whoooooops* but I adore your ((( He haunts the narrative. And why do ghosts exist?? because something is left unresolved. Because there's a knot tied too tight. ))) again gawd damn...

aasfhjsdahjkfakk

It would also be so extremely meaningful for Kai and Declan to have a son and still shield them from the generational hell they've been subjected to.

asfhasdjkhfhajk oh I'm so torn. this reasoning also makes sense. but if it's a girl it's like a hella clean start, a symbol of something new. oh well! *retreating to my cave*

out of the poets and writers u mentioned above I've only read Baldwin and siken. deffo gonna scour the rest because???? your comments are so poetic ajshfhjfjka ahhhh so no arsenal fics. how about in the future? maybe F1? asjfhdhsjkfjkafak

sorry for the late reply I yap on the weekend 🫡 BTW CAN I INCONVENIENT YOU ONCE AGAIN......... I'm just dying to know your perspective on Declan (your first comment said how I always show but never tell how Declan walks on egg shells with everybody). ESPECIALLY his relationship with his mates we dem Boyz 💯 and his 'pure hatred so I kissed u to make sure' towards Mikel LMAO 😭 pls just whenever u have time 😭 and oh how did you find this fic like? are u into deckai are u into either of them are u a gunnerinna????

[valvarads]

finally finished ex-aid (it’s frankly kinda embarrassing how long it took me) so i wanna write down my many but very specific thoughts

disclaimer: fourze is the only other series i’ve completed so i can only make comparisons to that

1) costume & prop design — ok i’m not an expert obviously but tbh i wasn’t a huge fan of the suits’ design this time around. the color schemes are too… distracting and everyone kinda looked the same except for some tweaks according to their motifs. the suits where they have two gashats activated also look kinda messy?? but i get what they were going for. i honestly don’t like the gamer driver’s design at all. it’s tacky and i can’t take them seriously when they’re trudging in with that on their waists 😭 there’s a shot in ep 43 where taiga’s kneeling on the ground and hiiro’s standing next to him, but it was shot from the height of hiiro’s waist so you see his gamer driver on the top of the screen and it wasn’t a pretty shot LOL. i’m also not a fan of the fact that everyone had the same driver but i get that it’s like a console. coming from fourze from which i absolutely loved the suit and unique driver designs (especially meteor’s yes i am biased but no his design is so me) this was probably my biggest pain point about the show. then again, i’m not familiar with retro gaming so maybe it’s just me and that the designs are not my cup of tea. the gashats are cute though!

2) character dynamics — i’m the kind of person who focuses more on character dynamics than the plot and i think ex-aid really excelled in this. imo the difference between the dynamic in fourze vs ex-aid is that fourze is stronger in the group dynamic while ex-aid is stronger in the pair dynamic. although i love the KRC as a group, their pairs are mostly centered around gentaro so we didn’t get to see a lot of other pairs’ interactions as much as gentaro & [KRC member]. in ex-aid, most of the other characters’ most substantial interactions don’t revolve around emu (e.g. kiriya & kuroto, hiiro & taiga, taiga & nico, etc.) except for parado and poppy i think. of course, emu is a driving force in their character developments and vice versa, but the story focused on those specific interactions a lot more. what i’m trying to say is that i like KRC > CR as a group, but CR pairs > KRC pairs (except genryu and genken because i’m already insane about them).

3) plot — one of my favorite things about the plot is the ethical dilemmas that the characters face as doctors. how much truth do you reveal about the patient’s condition? what does it mean to be a doctor? and my favorite: “above all i must not play at god” (e.g. hiiro’s dilemma with bringing back saki who was believed to have died 5 years ago). that, coupled with dan masamune’s and kuroto’s god complexes? perfect. on that note, i love how the characters were written. i think this season’s writers really did sumn. but i’m also not great at literary analysis so i can’t elaborate more than this. side side note: i really hope iwanaga got at least one award for his acting cuz he was fantastic. looked up his wiki and found out he’s an irl genius made it even better. perfectly cast.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

every now and then i wonder if the doctor and the master have ever on screen commented on each other's appearance. i could easily have forgotten an instance (because it doesnt fit my interpretation of them so i mightve just Ignored) and i havent seen much of classic who, but to my knowledge they dont generally do that. the doctor comments on their own new (or old) appearances, and companions do sometimes, but as far as i can remember they dont comment on each other. which makes sense to me, because as is your point, they dont see a difference, really. (i think timelords recognise each other by like,,,time fingerprint. biodata. that weird glowy stringy stuff thats there in like name of the doctor or end of time 1. i dont think faces mean much of anything to timelords in terms of identifying a person) (i also think on gallifrey, with their anti-body anti-mortality taboos, it would be super rude to comment on it) (which would make the doctor and the master actually more likely to do it than real timelords, especially with each other, but i dont think they do much in canon) (maybe it's just too mutually-assured-destruction embarassing; dhawan looking 13 up and down: alright, copycat. 13: sure and you just ended up matching accents with me again by accident, right?)

so i agree with you on that interpretation of thoschei (and i block everyone saying opinions i find annoying so in my world the majority of people agree with you here) (because the whole "friendship older than your civilisation and infinitely more complex" thing is so much of the interest, right? you cant get this with a mortal ship. or a show thats less old. the older it gets the more interesting they get) but i dont look at episodes the same way you do. which we've talked about before. i like the doctor falls (i can see why you dont), and i also like power of the doctor (but i dont think i know your thoughts abt that one in depth? dont think we've talked about it but i can extrapolate a little from this post)

i think instead of seeing (the writing of) potd as underlining this illusion of separateness as you call it, that took root so to speak in the doctor falls, i see two separate stories. related ones, obviously; you cant have spydoc without twissy (or vice versa, depending on your inclinations. i think both missy->dhawan and dhawan->missy have their potential to play with, but i tend to go with missy->dhawan) but there are two different writers telling two separate-but-connected stories. i just dont see that favoritism youre talking about. among fans (because i block) or in the episodes i watch.

generally i do also have a master-bias when it comes to their relationship. i will for example subscribe to your word choice here: "the version of you that I could control save." i find the master as the doctor's first patient an enticing idea both in terms of the sort of skewed power/control dynamic of the doctor wanting to cure/control/save the master, and as a dynamic between equals / a more generous framing of the doctor because i think the doctor means well (but road to hell etc) and because i think the master wants their care. (not that that means that like just bc they want it it's fine to control them, but just saying i think the master seeks it) care is attention. if they cant have their care they'll get it in other ways, but they want it. obviously care is a complicated form of attention because you are inherently making yourself vulnerable. you need to hand over the power. theres a friction there that im sure you know is really fun to play with with the master. their needs for independence&care go side by side with how much they resent how much they love the doctor. their need to be in control serving this sort of hollow substitute for their need to be loved. which maybe worked for a while but evidently it's not enough anymore which is why missy decided to do what she did with the vault. and why dhawan is the way he is. he seems to be begging for love even more than when missy said "i need my friend back". that was a need fairly rationally expressed. this: "you'll get used to me. everyone will. i still need a companion to ask and bask in my brilliance. come on, yaz, lets go on an adventure!" is grasping at straws.

but i was trying to say something about their dynamic as the doctor being the one in control vs their dynamic as equals, which i think exist simultaneously, swinging sometimes more one way, sometimes more the other, with vault times being a lot more the doctor in control, but (the point im trying to make:) 13s era being a lot more equals i think. it's the traumatised fighting the traumatised. they both have knives in their back. theyre both acting irrationally, emotionally, and they both have not been making right decisions since they regenerated.

to me, what thoschei is in their most recent variation (and yaz too. i wont bring her into this bc it's not the point but like,,, spydoc=thasmin in terms of parallels. yaz here has a position similar to clara's between twissy), is a study in self-destruction. thats what theyre both (all) doing. theres a red thread of suicide, self-annihilation, self-effacement, self-denial, self-deception. 13 from s12 on is continuously making choices that are bad for her and the people around her (isolating, not trusting friends, self-medicating with ginger, not doing the brave&loving doctor-y (and in this context thus meant to be correct, i think) thing yaz asks of her) shes angry, shes emotional, she makes mistakes, she fails to be The Doctor, which is why yaz has to step up and do it. similarly the master's plans are just really convoluted suicide attempts. the first one in timeless children a recreation of the doctor falls. and when that one fails the one in potd is even more extreme and beyond just dying hes trying to erase himself. he says thats what hes doing to the doctor, erasing them from existence, but really if he becomes the doctor, then it's both, isnt it? if he becomes the doctor then there is no master. hes trying to unexist himself.

and this theme to me is what "you gambled and you lost" is about. addiction. self-destructive habits. i think what the doctor is expressing here toward the master is similar to what yaz means when she goes "yeah. of course" all resigned when the doctor says "thats what my life is". yaz hears the doctor say she cant make an emotional connection, she cant trust, shes too hurt. and yaz reminds her like, hey you know the doctor would do the brave thing, which is the thing thats hard and painful but worth it. and the doctor refuses. the doctor says no. shes not gonna do it. she doesnt feel able to do it. and yaz lets it go. says okay we'll be friends.

the master doesnt say "this is what my life is", but hes shown it. to the doctor hes shown it. she doesnt know what missy did in the doctor falls (things would probably have been different if she did) so to the doctor what the master has shown to her is that theyre not gonna change. wont or cant is the same thing here. for them both. they wont change. they cant change. theyre stuck in their, azure voice: constant destructive loop.

13 doesnt get out of this. neither does the master, i mean hes not even the hero, why would he? but not even the hero gets out of this in 13s story. they both self-destruct. we watch them both self-destruct. (if you ask me, we watch yaz do it too, or at least we get a glimpse of it at the end, "of course shes okay, shes the doctor") both the doctor and yaz tried to help the person they loved, held out a hand in friendship to the master and 13 respectively. and both the doctor and yaz finally had to decide that you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink, you know?

so thats my take on it. if she still believes missy betrayed her in the doctor falls (which i think she does), then she doesnt think missy/the master ever really was willing to change and be friends. i agree with you that theres also a factor of she needs to stop caring to survive at this point, but i dont think that necessarily means she sees the master as someone entirely divorced from missy? i dont think she does. i think it's more likely she still thinks she let herself be fooled for 70 years by hope. hope of friendship making her extend trust to someone who couldnt be trusted. and i think thats a big part of why 13 never managed to really trust her friends. especially because the master literally did this to her again in spyfall? pretending to be her friend for what might have been actual years. she cant trust her own assessment of people anymore, especially her friends, and she cant trust her own hope. and thats really tragic.

Quickfire hot take but, even though I totally grasp each of us having favorite regens of the doctor and the master, both individually and together, as symbols of their ever-evolving positions along their personal and relationship journey.... I will never ever understand fan (or canon...) portrayals that draw such a sharp line of favoritism from the characters themselves.

Missy said "they're all the Doctor to me" when recalling a memory to Clara, and to me that encapsulates the enduring nature of their intense bond. To me that is THE line. Regeneration is a form of death and rebirth, but certain core traits are immutable, particularly to two people who are narrative foils, who have known each other for centuries (or possibly millennia) and keep being thrown together by fate again and again and again.

Bottom line is, every Doctor is the same person, and so is every Master. Acting as though one of them only cares for select versions of the other is just so strange to me. They aren't us. To them, it's just like loving (or hating, or both) someone through the eras of their life. Their same life, broken down into stages od evolution and devolution. It's the same person.

I can point to the exact episode (a lol very polarizing episode in Series 10) where I think this "they're not the same person from face to face" trend got exponentially more pronounced, but anyone who knows me knows what that episode is. I truly believe it's a disservice to every version of every Doctor and Master involved.

And I really don't think that Spydoc, which came soon thereafter, is just the playing-out of the consequences of a MASSIVE miscommunication between soul mates. It IS that, but not JUST. I think all of the writing about Thoschei that followed the exacerbating episode was trying to force this inaccurate distortion, this illusion of separateness, which is part of what made the events in Power of the Doctor so painful to Thoschei fans. The Doctor walked away from the Master (literally and figuratively, ironically inviting his inevitable despair--and her own demise) partly out of understandable hurt and rage and caution, but also out of a cold, repulsed misunderstanding: "Missy was willing to change and you regressed, you're a different person than she was, and you have angered me to the point of indifference; I am able to turn off caring about you because you are unrecognizable from her, the version of you that I could control save."

Maybe Whittaker's response is intended by Chibnall: we're supposed to recognize that she's wrong but HAS to be in order to survive another betrayal by the Master, which is what makes it all so tragic.

But I think fan reception has taken the whole thing ( "each Doctor and each Master is an entirely discrete self-contained being") too far, and it bothers me, so much, I think, because it's a trope that enforces the idea that love is transactional and contingent (in such a way that also perhaps unwittingly targets the socially, culturally, and economically marginalized). If you're the "good, small, manageable version" of yourself, then you're easier to love, and it's worth the investment. Otherwise, "you gambled and you lost," and you deserve to die lying in the filth of your own poor decisions. I get why that's an appealing, vindicting plot device, from the POV of an audience member who has felt hurt or even abused IRL. I understand it, I've BEEN the Doctor many times. It just doesn't sit well with me. Maybe that's just me. I could be at peace with that, as a Whovian :P.

But, in-universe, it's based on a premise that's factually erroneous! Dhawan's Master IS Missy IS Delgado IS Simm IS Jacobi IS Ainley IS Roberts IS Beevers etc etc etc. Just as Whittaker's Doctor is a RESPONSE to Capaldi's, but ALSO still IS Capaldi's. And Tennant's. And Baker's (x2). And Eccleston's. And Gatwa's. And Pertwee's. Etc etc. Dhawan's Master was the Prime Minister of the UK and also made chairs that eat people and also cried remembering the names of people she killed. It's the SAME PERSON.

Lol, not quickfire at all. It's an old bone to pick, I know. I just can't stop finding the whole trope...very itchy.

(ok to reblog...dunno if anyone would, LOL, but feel free to reblog and to comment).

I'm gonna tag some ppl I know I've chatted about this with before to see if there are new insights. And feel completely free to disagree with me on any count. @natalunasans @mostincrediblechange @drummingncise @modernwizard @nickcagestrufflehog @rearranging-deck-chairs @koschei-no-more @likeacharacterinamusical

[sublimecatgalaxy]

can you write fluff alphabet with Robin Buckley pls?

I loved this.

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

I think that she'd definitely love to rent a movie from the video store on a day where she's not working, just so she can rub it in Steve and Keith's face that she has a stellar girlfriend.

Other than that, I think she'd really just wanna hang in instead of going out anywhere, she's definitely a homebody and appreciates the quiet days she spends with you.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

She admires that you trust her so much. With all of the weird stuff that happens and has happened in Hawkin's, you really just followed her lead and went with it, even without answers or explanations. She thinks that your trust in her and vice versa is the best part of your relationship.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

She'd definitely panic seeing you panic. She's the type of person who feels for another person when they're experiencing something terrible or frightening so I'm sure she wouldn't be that good at handling it in the beginning.

Eventually, she would grow accustomed to how you are and learn how to help you and comfort you the best she can.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Damn, she really just wants a few cats and you and a tiny little house. She wants to move far enough outside of Hawkins to be free from the hold it's had on her but she wants to stay close enough to Steve and the other friends she's made along the way.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

She's honestly the more out spoken one but not out of a place of control. She's good at not taking bullshit but she's not always the best at reading the room. But if someone was being rude to you or being ignorant, she'd put them in their place.

Saying that, she still does like when you order her food for her and help her make doctors appointments.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

She hated fighting. She was a firm believer that it doesn't get anyone anywhere and she'd much rather take the time to talk it out, and eventually come to an agreement. But, sometimes, you'd get into little arguments, bickering for a bit over something stupid.

She'd be the first one to apologize always, even if you know it's your fault.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

She's extremely grateful in a sense that she's grateful that you simply put up with her. That leads to her thanking you for anything and everything that you do even if it's expected from you or a simple task.

She's like hyperaware of everything you do.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Let's be honest, Robin sucks at lying so she would go above and beyond to tell you anything and everything she knows, just to make sure that she doesn't accidentally tell on herself and then start an argument.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

She would definitely become a bit more calm about life in general with you. You'd rub off on her in a good way and she'd definitely learn a thing or two about relaxing and living in the moment, even when she's not the best at it.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

She would feel jealousy but she'd go above and beyond to make sure that you know that she doesn't not trust you. She trusts you with her whole life but she didn't like when other people didn't respect that you were in a relationship, especially men.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Duh. I think Robin would've been practicing since puberty on her pillow so she's well prepared. Obviously it changes from person to person but I think she panicked about being a good kisser so she did as much research as possible to ensure that she'd be able to please you.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

It would be jumbled and messy. She really wouldn't know how else to do it other than spewing it out at the least convenient time. She would just end up rambling for a bit until you shut her up with a kiss and a heartfelt confession of your own.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Well, given the time in history, you'd just assume that you would just make your own marriage certificate and hang it up on the wall. I'm talking crayons and signatures on construction paper. It would be perfect for the both of you and after going out and buying some rings, it would be enough.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

She would come up with the CRAZIEST and SILLIEST nicknames of al time. Like she'd go above and beyond just to see you get blushy and bashful, or even playfully annoyed. She just loved to make you laugh but on a serious note, she liked to call you bub or bug, and playfully lover if she's teasing you.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

I think that Steve would notice first and then literally shove her in the direction of coming clean to you. He would use the 'well if you don't tell her, I will' threat and that would work pretty quick.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

She would sometimes forget that you guys were in public or around other people. Typically, she'd want to be well behaved and make sure you're comfortable but sometimes it's so hard to not kiss you and keep her hands off of you.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Robin doesn't have a mean bone in her body. She was never spiteful or passive aggressive towards you which leads to you guys having a very kind, non-confrontational relationship which just made being with each other so easy.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

I think she's an accidental romantic. She'd say something sweet and you'd fawn and she'd be thinking 'wait, what did I say again?'. You think that it's sweet that she's just so naturally, unintentionally sweet and kind.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

I think that, once Robin finds out that you want something or have a goal you want to achieve, she'd immediately be researching how she can help you and what she can do to get you there. Like she'd be obsessive about it.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

She likes a routine, especially since that ensures she can see you. She likes your sleepovers and she likes the specific places that you go out to dinner or lunch. Sometimes you'd come up with a new place and she'd panic a bit but then realize, as long as she's with you, she doesn't mind.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Robin is a bit too understanding.

Sometimes you'll say something and it might come off rude and you'll apologize and she'll genuinely have no idea why you're apologizing. She rarely ever takes offense to anything, even when she probably should lol.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

You're one of the most important people in her life. You, her and Steve used to be the three musketeers so you were already important to her, along with Steve. But loving you so much, being in love with you, it just solidifies her need for you in her life.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Robin would literally develop a liking for everything that you like. Like if you liked a certain food, she'd like it too. Your favorite movie? It's hers now too. You would just morph into the same human after a few months of being together.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

She's a very affectionate person but she can't always read the room. Sometimes she'd end up embarrassed after kissing you senselessly, forgetting you two were in the middle of the grocery store or mall. You'd just play it off and tell her you thought it was cute when she 'forgets her surroundings cuz she's too busy kissing you'.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

She's very needed so Robin would not cope well. Steve would be annoyed at all of the whining and pleading that would come from the freckled girl, complaining about missing you so much.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lenghts for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

Any length. Assuming you and her were together during all of the Hawkin's drama, you both learned that you'd be willing to save each other's lives and put yourselves on the line for one another. There was nothing that you wouldn't do for each other.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane28282 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi @crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the-heart @vampviolets@haylee-e@popehaywardssecretgf @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife @smoke-and-fire @officiallyunofficialperson@heyaitsklaudia@rosepetalsparks @bluetreecloud20 @scenesofobx @double-shot-of-tequila @1dluver13xx @colbysbrocks @iamasimpingh0e @smoke-and-fire386 @loveshineslikethesky @id-3-kbro @diorsitgirl @errorfound101-allideasburnedout @neverwillknowme18 @ellyskey @taylors-folk @loversjoy @myaloveee @thyris-is @lagataprrr

[foolforharrry]

Strawberries & Memories - Chapter 2 - It's Beautiful Isn't it?

Hi. This is the second chapter of my brand new book. I'm really excited about it and it would mean a lot if you shared it or gave me some feedback on it.

Summary for Strawberries & Memories: Anna went to the Coachella Music Festival to finally see her idol perform in person. Little did she know that would end up changing her life forever in ways she never even dared dream of. But everything comes at a cost.

Chapter index

Chapter 1

I really hope you enjoy this story as much as i enjoy writing it

"You're lying right?"

I shake my head, unable to suppress the massive grin threatening to break out on my face. "I am dead fucking serious, Morgs."

While I wait for her to process, I take in the calming sound of the waves rolling over the sandy beach before retracting back into the ocean again and the warm sun hitting my skin. My sunburnt skin.

I need to start remembering to wear sunscreen when I'm here. Or anywhere with sun and the danger of getting sunburnt.

I did my best to avoid getting sand in my shoes, but the second I stepped onto the beach, that game was lost. Under normal circumstances, I would have been grumpy and frustrated about it until I was back

"You're telling me that the man you've been drooling over since you were a teenager invited you out for drinks...and you said no?" I flinch when she screams the last part, grimacing at the unnecessarily loud volume.

"Jeez. Calm down please.", I plead, deciding to just sit down in the sand. My phone is in my tote bag, probably getting the screen in worse condition than it already is as Morgan keeps scolding me for being responsible and not going out with someone who's virtually a stranger.

"...finally getting some action. You know if you keep not taking opportunities like these, then you're going to end up being the grumpy cat lady who is mean to everyone but her cats."

"At least I would be the cool aunt to your kids.", I point out, expecting her to argue it. But instead, she changes the topic, "So since you obviously weren't busy with a man these last two days I haven't heard from you. What were you doing?"

"I've been getting busy with my laptop."

Margot giggles, "I hope you hear how sad that sounds, Anna. You're in LA and you're couped up in a café and your hotel room with your laptop instead of doing something you can't do back home."

I know she's right. But there isn't a lot I can do about it. When inspiration strikes, I have to use it. Because there is very little that compares to when the block finally eases up and everything you've wanted to get out just flows out just the way you want it to.

"I am outside now. And not at a café. To socialise.", I defend my life choices even though I know she isn't going to change her mind. She rarely ever does.

It's one of the things I love most about her.

"Whatever you say, baby." Morgan doesn't sound convinced at all. "I gotta go. I've got a hot date waiting for me."

"You better tell me all about them when I get home tomorrow night."

We say our goodbyes rather quickly. The second she hangs up; Spotify resumes my playlist. It has an instant calm wash over me when the familiar melody to 'Night Changes' starts. The same way the water does the beach.

I've always had a love for music in general. Not just because music is something truly and undeniably beautiful. It's also the ability it has to make me go from devastatingly sad to dancing with joy in a beat. And vice versa. Or the way it can transport you back to a moment you've tied to the song so effortlessly you don't even notice it until the memory is playing like a movie in your head.

It still feels surreal that I've met the man who's written a lot of the songs that gave me the strength to keep clawing myself back off the edge when all I'd wanted to do was let go.

I'm honestly convinced I had a stroke at some point and these past few days are just a figment of my own imagination while my body is in a coma somewhere. And I have a tube stuffed down my throat and the doctors have decided I'm brain dead and they're about to pull the plug so all my organs can be donated to the dumpsters.

If against all odds, that's not the case, then the last two days I've done a few things.

1. I've found a new favourite café to sit and write at. It has the cutest little stuffed bunnies everywhere and little cookies shaped like seals.

2. I have written at the café.

3. I have talked to Harry Styles.

I still don't fully understand what possessed Harry to actually DM me instead of just unfollowing me the second I left on Saturday. But he did. And I can't say that I have been complaining about it.

I have learnt two things about him.

1. He is genuinely funny.

2. He is also clinically insane.

He would have to be for asking me to meet him. Again.

I threw my phone across the room when the words 'would you want to meet' were in the grey bubble on my screen. From him. I might also have screamed as if I was dying, but that's beside the point.

And what else could I answer him with but, 'Are you on drugs right now?'. And I stand by that. What else was I supposed to say? Something normal?

Like, just say no? Probably would've been the best thing for me to say considering I'm not even half as stable as a normal person should be. But after Harry assured me that he was 100% not on any kind of drugs and promised no one had a gun to his or his loved ones' head, we agreed that he would pick me up here.

I still don't know what or why he wants to see me again, but it's too late to talk myself out of it now.

He told me to meet him here at 3. And looking at the time right now, it's in two minutes.

I'm never on time, but I am for sure not going to be late when I am meeting him.

"Ok, Anna. You can do this.", I tell myself, doing my best to focus on the distant sound of the traffic that's almost completely drowned out by the waves.

Almost.

The beach is around a five-minute drive from the highway. I couldn't see any clear point I was supposed to get out of the taxi, so I just told him to drop me off when he was starting to get a little impatient.

I sent Harry a photo of where I settled on getting out of the taxi. So hopefully he manages to find it.

The taxi driver was a sweetheart though. He even asked me if I was sure I wanted to be dropped off in the middle of nowhere.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

With wide eyes, I snap my head towards the sound of the voice. If it had been anyone else, I would've probably jumped out of my skin from someone suddenly sitting down next to me without me noticing until they speak.

I clear my throat, doing the best  I can to push away the nerves that have been bubbling in my stomach ever since I opened my eyes this morning.

Don't say something stupid now.

"Yeah, it is pretty." Ok, that's not the stupidest thing I've ever said. We're good. "Hi."

Harry's smile grows wider, his bunny teeth coming into view as I feel my own smile grow as well.

What can I say? He has an infectious smile.

His curls are mostly pushed back and out of his face by his hands. But a few, short strands have fallen over his forehead and temples despite the comfortable breeze coming from the ocean. The ends of the hair barely brush against his eyelashes. They move every time he blinks.

He must have noticed me staring at it because he lets out a light laugh while pushing the rebel hairs back with the rest, "I forgot to grab my clip, so it keeps falling in my eyes."

"That happens to the best of us. I have a spare hair tie if you want it?", I offer, already rolling it off my wrist. Harry takes it, quickly and skilfully gathering a large section of hair on the top of his head and twisting it around his finger until it's a little ball. That's when he seals it with the hair tie.

"Thank you, Anna." I cock an eyebrow at the way he emphasizes my name. "You're welcome, Harry."

Harry wrinkles his nose a little, his eyebrows scrunching together, "That feels a little weird."

"What's weird?", I ask confused. "No, no, no.", he sits up a little straighter, probably getting more sand on his brown, wide-legged trousers. "I like my name. But all my friends call me H. It's just strange when you say Harry."

I feel like my eyes are about to pop out of my head.

Do. Not. Say something stupid. "You're not allowed to call me A.", I tell him seriously.

I've watched two seasons of Pretty Little Liars. And what I learnt from it is that nothing good ever comes from someone called 'A'. I'm not saying I'm this really great person who only brings good into the world. But at least I don't send encrypted texts and torment a group of teenagers.

"Ok. Deal. I won't call you A and you don't call me Harry." He holds his hand out between us expectantly. His fingers are curled up into a fist apart from his pinkie.

"I might call you Harry. But on very rare occasions." "Deal."

I wrap my own pinkie around his, squeezing it firmly while nodding, "You can't go back on a pinkie promise." "Oh, pinkie promises are holier than marriage, darling."

"Does this mean I'm your friend?", I have to ask to make sure I don't just assume something he doesn't mean. Because he just said his friends call him H. He didn't actually call me his friend. If I just went around thinking we weren't. That would be way too embarrassing. Even for me.

Harry releases the hold his thumb and pointer finger had on his bottom lip, his smile dropping. "Do you not want to be? I- I'm so sorry, Anna. I completely just assumed. But if it makes you more comfortable, we could be sworn enemies or something."

He furrows his eyebrows, scowling at me playfully as if he was actually mad at me while gesturing to his face "I can be angry and scary. Just look at this."

My hand flies up to stifle my mouth to stifle a laugh while he keeps up the 'angry' face. "You look like an angry kitten."

Harry shoves me playfully, "You're a dick." "At least I don't push people.", I roll my eyes at him while brushing off the sand on my left arm from catching myself on the sandy ground.

He points a stern finger at me, "I only push people when they insult my angry face. It is very scary. You've just been around too many scary people to know." He justifies his actions as he stands back up off the ground, stretching his hand out for me to take.

"By scary people do you mean Morgan?", I ask him with a cocked eyebrow. I accept the gesture hesitantly, not fully trusting him not to drop my ass to the ground. He keeps a strong grip on my hand, helping me off the sand with ease as he nods, "She seems pretty terrifying from what you've told me." He doesn't even bat an eye when I thank him with an obnoxiously high voice. He just offers me a soft smile.

If he doesn't run for the hills now, I'll be more surprised than I was when he asked me to meet him here.

"She is pretty great though.", I say softly. Harry hums, "That's great."

He is wearing a white t-shirt with brown and beige stripes tucked into his trousers. It looks immaculate. There should be some kind of law against it to be honest.

I trail after him when he motions for me to follow him.

"So, did you have anything specific in mind. Or did you just plan on walks on the beach and kidnappings?", I ask him after walking in wordlessly for a bit, kind of regretting breaking the serene calm that came from the waves.

If Morgan would be up for it, maybe moving to LA wouldn't be such a bad idea. Or at least to somewhere with beaches like these.

Harry takes a minute, keeping a slow, steady pace as the sand dips beneath our feet. "I was going to ask if you had anything you wanted to do in LA before I suggest anything.", he explains, making a wide grin spread on my face before he adds, "This is your first time here, right?"

I ignore the warm feeling in my stomach from the fact that he remembers that I told him this is my first time in California. Instead, I play it off. "Do you mean at this beach or in Los Angeles in general?"

"Please tell me you're not trying to be funny right now, Anna.", he pleads. "Because that's just sad."

I scoff, pretending to be offended, "It's better than some of the jokes you've come up with." "What do you mean? My jokes are amazing. You just have no humour." Harry turns his nose up and away from me. The sun is making the higher points of his face stand out more and it's getting harder to keep myself serious.

"Sure, H. I'm the one with no humour, Mr. let's start a conversation with the worst pick-up line I've ever heard."

Harry purses his lips, blowing out air in disappointment, "Don't you know that the foundation for every good friendship is a good pick-up line?" I take a second, debating to myself whether or not I should comment on it while also trying not to laugh.

I decide to just agree with him. "Sure, H. Whatever you say. And to answer your question." Harry perks up at that, directing his full attention back to me. "No, I didn't have anything I wanted to do in LA."

"You're fucking with me, right? You go to LA for the first time, and you don't have anything planned other than Coachella?" When I shake my head, Harry walks faster than before, grabbing my forearm to make sure I'm keeping up with him.

I laugh at how much this seems to be bothering him, "I've had a really nice time, though. I've been working. And I'm going home tomorrow anyways."

"If you're leaving tomorrow, we have to get going.", he tells me, changing direction from going straight forward to away from the sealine and to a car parked just where the sand begins.

"Where are we going?"

Harry twists his head to look at me, still nearly speed-walking to his car, "We're going sightseeing."

-

Masterlist

[yallemagne]

I couldn’t, I just couldn’t sit down and read today’s entry. I had to skim the entire thing. Dammit, why are the days getting longer?? I already know what’s going to happen, how can they fit so much sexist and ableist bullshit in only a few measly days??

The first Renfield conversation. Jonathan asks if he can come. 

That is his last line in the entire journal entry. 

I fully believe that Jonathan was not in the scene but was edited in because Bram realized he didn’t put him in. But like it’s bizarre. Jonathan had absolutely nothing to say about a man who worships his abuser or vice versa. Obviously Bram’s attempt to drag Jonathan into more of the action because he’s a man. BUT HE HAD NOTHING FOR JONATHAN TO DO OR SAY. WHY ADD HIM?? You could have explained his absence by having him doing some other task or staying with Mina. 

Oh, I also love that PTSD apparently is so curable that you can tell a man “you aren’t traumatized, you’re so strong baby boy” and it fucking works???

It is ridiculous. Why keep Jonathan in the action when he has received doctor’s orders to not be exposed to any more troubling things. Is it because a woman wrote that to another woman? Because it was a church doctor from Eastern Europe? Is that why we’re throwing out something that was a big part of Jonathan’s character until now? More prejudice?

And god fucking DAMMIT. 

Mina is PALE AND TIRED AND LOOKS LIKE A HALF-EMPTY CAPRI-SUN, YOU FUCKING IDIOTS. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?? They are so fucking stupid. Van Helsing is like “TIME TO SPLIT UP GANG” when THE ONLY REASON LUCY’S VAMPIRISM WAS CAUGHT WAS BECAUSE SHE HAD MINA WITH HER AND THEN ARTHUR. It would be less intolerable (maybe) if they weren’t all patting themselves on the back for the WORST DECISION MADE IN THE ENTIRE BOOK. 

I can’t even fully comment on the Renfield interactions because I only skimmed through them a second time, but god, this is just... one after the other one bad choices. Renfield cannot reveal that the Count can get fucking inside. Is that a spoiler? We all already know what is happening to Mina so, of course, the Count is getting inside somehow. It’s like, he can’t articulate his abuse so they just ignore all the signs. To be honest, even if they sent him away, that would only take him away from the Count and leave the Count with a whole house of other people to torment, but hey, Renfield’s life is in immediate danger. SAVE HIM. 

And then the damn souls conversation, you really just get as frustrated as Renfield at that point because dammit, Seward, no, he is not talking about souls. 

It’s like they all forgot that Lucy existed and that Mina had to sooth Jonathan through nightmares and panic attacks and that once Dracula has sunk his shitty little claws in somewhere, it’s TIME TO GET THE FUCK OUT, STOP SLEEPING IN THE ROOM HE HAS ACCESS TO. 

The next few days, who knows, maybe it continues for the entire rest of the book, and I blocked it out, but the next few days are the “characters all turn fucking stupid to move the plot along” arc. If you thought any actions taken with the handling of Lucy deliberately put more souls in danger, whoooo boy. 

[hirakiyois]

GMMTV 2022: SHOWS OF INTEREST

Now that the BB brainrot is over and I have minute before the next Not Me brainrot starts I thought I would quickly write about the shows that interested me from GMMTV's 2022 lineup, just as a reminder for future me.

I was definitely a little disappointed with this year's lineup as compared to the last 2 years' but I still think a lot of them have potential so I'm waiting for their final trailers to make any permanent judgement.

This does not include all the shows, just the ones that caught my eye. Also, these are not in any particular order, just the order I remembered them in.

1. Home School

Honestly, it took me a while to warm up to this trailer but I think that's because it's obviously similar to The Gifted and The Gifted has a special place in my heart. However, it still seems intriguing as all hell and if there's one thing GMM does well it's weird, dark, culty school shows. Plus, the ensemble cast are all spectacular so I'm definitely looking forward to this one.

2. The Eclipse

This is another weird, dark, culty school show but BL this time. They're trying to satiate the PangWave truthers and it's working. The trailer does give me Not Me vibes in terms of how dark it will be and also leads me to believe that it could take after it in terms of social commentary and having a thriller focus. Either way, definitely keeping an eye out for this one.

Another plus point is First and Khaotung, obviously. I'm excited to see First in a main main role since I skipped out on watching The Shipper. They have brilliant chemistry from what I can see and I'm glad they're getting their own time to shine. I'm also glad that GMM seems to be moving away from trying to keep actor duos constant. Both First and Khaotung have had multiple partners and they always make it work and it's truly wonderful.

3. Astrophile

This is probably the one I'm least excited about. I'll probably wait till it finishes airing and then binge it. Plotwise this just isn't my vibe BUT I'm unfortunately sold on all the actors. I have no idea what Davikah is doing here but if she's there, so am I.

I also look forward to Off and Bright's acting because I truly think they've improved a lot over the years.

Also, I truly did not like My Ambulance but I think it's so funny that Bright played the younger version of Davikah's love interest in it and now they're cast against each other. It feels like a little easter egg!

4. Vice Versa

Okay, so this one. I absolutely HATE body swap plots so I was surprised to find this here but it definitely needs to be on this list. First and foremost, it's so novel to see both leads in a body swap situation instead of just one. This definitely makes their dynamic much more intriguing. Apart from the body swap aspect, I'm totally sold on the characterisations and conflicts regarding going back to their lives or staying in the new bodies. Plus, all the water symbolism in that trailer? Green flags for me all around.

Second, I'm a ride-or-die for Jimmy. I'm obsessed with the concept of him and his doctor-actor activities. This man is unbelievable. I've been a Jimmy enthusiast since day one and I can't wait for his moment in the spotlight. He has so much potential. I only started following Sea recently but he seems so delightful as well and I hope for the best for both of them! 10/10 in my top 3 that I'm looking forward to.

5. Moonlight Chicken

Please do not get me started on this name, I WILL shed tears of blood. Apart from the name? No doubt, another one of my top 3 most expected shows for the year. A girl needs a P'Aof show to keep her going through life.

Earth and Mix do such a good job of adapting their dynamics to the roles and it's such a joy to see. This is no exception. A lot of people are comparing it to ITSAY and while I agree based on the cinematography, I think they're vastly different with respect to the tone of the show. While ITSAY revolves around the highs and lows of youth and relationships in youth, MC seems to have a much more adult and mature aura around it. Kinda bummed about the cheating thing that seems to be happening but everything else about the show makes up for it imo.

6. Never Let Me Go

THIS. THIS IS THE ONE.

This is literally all I could have asked for and more if it turns out well. As someone who had MODC3: Trapped in their top 10 for 2020 and has been waiting for Kinnporsche for over a year now, this really hit all the right spots in terms of being a Mafia BL. The cinematography was definitely the most stunning out of all the trailers and I hope it can carry on to the show itself too.

I think this will also give Pond and Phuwin a great opportunity to prove their skills. I know a lot of people were disappointed with how FUTS played out, and tbh I was too, but I think their acting has a lot of potential and a story like this would allow them to explore that potential. Excited!

7. You Fight, and I Love.

This is another surprise for me. I have no interest in straight people or sports so the fact that the trailer managed to keep my attention the whole time, and even pique my interest, was commendable.

I'm a sucker for height differences so definitely plus points for that. Also I think this might be an unpopular opinion but I'm kind of excited to see Joss and Love's dynamic and chemistry. I feel like they could really make this work. I'll definitely have to skip through the boxing parts though god bless that shit is NOT for me.

The only concerning part about this is that I'm not sure what their age difference in the show is. I think they need to either tell me that Joss' character is like 18-20 and not a full grown adult or they need to age up Love's character. Whether I watch it or not would really depend on this. I pray that they'll give Love and Milk a show of their own one day, but in the meanwhile, this and UMG will have to fulfill my cravings for them.

That's all! This is a bit longer than I expected it would be but I look forward to coming back to this when these shows air. Except for Astrophile, I will probably be watching these shows while they air but there are a few more shows that I might pick up after they have finished their run like UMG, My Dear Donovan, the remaining 2 parts of the Midnight Melody series (P'Aof controls my whole life clearly) and 10 Years Ticket. I was also initially interested by You Are My Favorite but it just ended up confusing me by the end. I'm also on the fence about the casting with this one so I'm 50/50 in whether I will watch it or not. Only time will tell.

[itwoodbeprefect]

decided to just compile a bunch of comments about my sga 1x01 rising rewatch into a single post because i don’t actually want to make a hundred posts in a row, so here, under the cut, many rambles:

announcer guy does, in fact, speak english upon a second attempt. well done on not forgetting to not speak german, announcer guy.

“i’m afraid of the thing” elizabeth says, about the drone chair, while standing next to it and looking like she wants to fuck it

rodney in that orange sweater! very orange! very warm!

john is on screen. john’s first words are helicopters he knows how to fly. john KINDA LIKES IT in antarctica. john has barely done anything and i already feel like crying a little bit about this guy who LIKES ANTARCTICA because he just wants to fly

POOR CARSON when he almost kills two people. “ai told ya ai was the wrong pursohn” :(

i really love how john sees the drone coming at the (landed) helicopter and yells “get out!” and they throw open their doors and john JUMPS and then it’s just “ugh.” and he’s belly-down on the floor and still like, almost under the helicopter. an attempt was made, for sure. just not a very succesful one.

the way john looks around like he’s never seen a ceiling before when he enters the base is just. very funny. and then some guy in particular is looking at him because he’s a bit of a weirdo and john looks back and the guy sort of looks him up and down and john looks away as if to check if anybody saw that. hmm.

john’s face of “oops” after he sits down in the chair and it ACTIVATES and carson RUNS OFF to go get literally everyone and john is realizing he MAY have just made a very giant big mistake. PRICELESS

teyla: my people have long believed the wraith will come if we venture into the ancient city. sumner, when the wraith come after he ventures into the ancient city: [surprised pikachu face]

gotta love how john insisting on saving his people is what wakes up the wraith, and saving his people is also what landed john in antarctica in the first place because he tried it in afghanistan once before. which wouldn’t have happened if there hadn’t been an american war in afghanistan in the first place, which there wouldn’t have been if bush hadn’t thrown the us into it, which wouldn’t have happened without 9/11, so... bin laden woke the wraith?

on the other hand john would never have had to go on a rescue mission on his first day in pegasus if sumner hadn’t gone into that city against the wishes of the people that already lived there and had a history dating back thousands of years with the place, so more realistically, the expeditions’ colonizer mentality woke the wraith. and then they just kinda... kept going with that for the rest of the show, because it worked out so well on that first day.

anyway i’m not even there yet - puddlejumper! it jumps puddles!

have to love the moment john realizes the puddlejumper is pretty literally reading his mind and giving him anything he can think of that is within its power (so no turkey sandwiches, but that’s okay). john is already in love with it just based on the fact that IT CAN FLY AND GO FAST (“i kinda like it here”, restored) but then all the ancient technology just seems to know him and love him back and gives him way more than he even thinks to ask for. which, for john, who doesn’t really do well expressing desires? a FLYING SHIP that then READS HIS MIND? starstruck. love at first sight. john&puddlejumper, instant bffs. i bet it would have popped a compartment with some stray bits of wire if he’d asked for a friendship bracelet right then and there. ford sitting there witnessing this doesn’t even know how hard he’s thirdwheeling it in that moment.

now i am at the bit where sumner is taken from the wraith prison to see the actual wraith, and look, obviously they’re evil and feed on humans etc etc, but this particular wraith’s sense of dramatics? unparalleled. she has them bring her victims one by one to a large foggy room with a looong table set with a wonderful dinner and then she LEAVES a DEAD BODY sitting at the head of the table (implied to be the athosian that was taken before sumner?) and drops down from the ceiling while sumner has his back turned for no reason except the spectacle of it all, and dracula himself literally couldn’t have made a better display out of this. it’s maybe scary in the way that it makes clear she’s a cat toying with a helpless mouse before she eats it, but it’s also hilarious in the way that this is absolutely a very bored immortal being who had to stay up while the rest went to sleep and is inventing high school improv plays with her dinner for some diversion. don’t play with your food, wraith queen. you’re scaring your dinner.

life signs detector!!! ford didn’t get to name the puddlejumpers gateships, but that one stuck, no matter how much “we can name it later” john was trying to throw at it!!!

(god. there’s a ficlet somewhere in there about season 2 john having a moment where he realizes he’s on the hunt for ford using the thing they first discovered together and that ford gave its name.)

getting sidetracked here, but when john and ford find the group of humans caught by the wraith teyla goes “major!” and it makes me think that. well. how are the athosians supposed to know things like “major” and “colonel” are military ranks? what are the chances the pegasus galaxy uses the same designations? (don’t really know how the language thing works here - we’re hopefully not supposed to think they’re all speaking english, are they? i’ve never watched sg1, there’s probably lore about this, i assume. maybe alien titles somehow get perfect translations to earth ones and vice versa.) but i mean, teyla is too smart, she’d have it figured out already even if those words don’t exist in her galaxy, but some athosian somewhere is going to be very confused by this earth tendency to name way too many kids private and lieutenant, and then put all of them into the army. strange, to have your job decided for you at birth like that. earth people are weeeeird.

fjdkl john is like bye, gonna go find colonel sumner all on my own, run if you don’t hear from me in twenty minutes, and ford’s like “you’re the only one who can fly these people out of here” and “i’m saying i should be the one to go, sir” and john, with his savior can’t-leave-anyone-behind-gotta-do-this-personally-or-i-will-literally-die-from-not-almost-dying complex DOES NOT LISTEN to ford’s EXTREMELY ACCURATE objection. which is his right, as ranking officer, but is also a perfect showcase of why john Should Not Ever be in charge of atlantis, and why sam saying he was totally on the shortlist when she takes over command in s4 is funny but frightening if you’re on atlantis and like being alive.

sumner: “we travel through the stargate as peaceful explorers.” FDJKFD. god, that line, from that character, hilarious.

rodney comes to elizabeth full of enthusiasm about all the interesting stuff they’re finding in the city only to find her staring at the empty gate and when she says she should never have let them (the rescue party) go, he sobers up and says awkwardly “for what it’s worth, you made the right decision” and that’s GOOD that’s KIND.

back on the planet with the wraith everyone is running to the jumper while there are wraith darts whizzing through the air and teyla turns back, catches up with ford who was told to cover their six, disarms him (because he was firing at illusions, revealing their position), hands him back his weapon, pulls him in the direction of the puddlejumper, and PUSHES HIM ASIDE when they’re almost scooped up by a wraith dart, and i’m so here for teyla being allowed a moment of heroics that saves specifically ford, guy with a gun, and not a random athosian damsel in distress. teyla is fully on their level. teyla is perhaps above their level. thank you.

that scene at the end of this episode!! in which there’s a sort of party on atlantis and it’s all buzzing and relaxed while the athosians are mingling freely with the expedition members and they’re talking of friendship and ugh. UGH. there’s a better version of sga in an alternate universe where the expedition didn’t decide atlantis was totally theirs, actually, and they cooperate with the people that were already in the galaxy when they came there and learn from sumner’s mistake to actually respect what they have to say and form a single front and teyla takes over as head of the expedition in s4 when there’s a void left by elizabeth’s absence.

final thought that has always haunted me a little: john suddenly becoming the ranking military member on atlantis after sumner’s death is ?? one of those things where i wonder what the sgc was thinking in their personnel assignments. john wasn’t even supposed to BE THERE. if john hadn’t gone and sumner had still died (which was something they should have considered as a possiblitiy! they didn’t know what they were walking into at all! sumner is apparently the type to lead his own missions!), then what exactly would they have done? i don’t know much about how the us military operates but i’ve watched enough mash to have figured out the order of the ranks and it just seems. very odd to me? to take one (1) colonel on this mission and then ZERO lieutenant colonels OR majors (if john hadn’t stumbled his way into it, that is). like, are there any captains on atlantis? (i think there are?) or would ford, a lieutenant, have ended up ranking military member? this is like the surely-they-only-need-a-single-medical-doctor-right thing. WHAT IS THE SGC THINKING.

anyway. this was good. i liked this. i hadn’t rewatched the pilot in a while, and i only just now figured out how much of a while, because there was a bunch in here i didn’t remember. ON TO EPISODE TWO.

[amelia]

related to that last ask but now i actually have a question! what are your favourite episodes for amy as a character? (sorry if i’m pestering you btw you don’t have to answer right away ❣️)

it is absolutely never a bother for me to talk about amy pond!! gosh though this is a Question. okay. i did interpret this as episodes that are my favorite for the lens of My Understanding Of Amy instead of favorite pond era episodes as a whole if that makes sense? under the cut bc i got long as i tend to do

i think my number 1 has to be the big bang, because it really is just like. okay, pond era absolutely runs into the problem of frequently making stories/episodes that should be centered around amy's emotional journey actually about somebody else — but the big bang is all hers. it is all on her! she's leading the show SHE'S the one in the pandorica SHE'S the one who remembers the doctor into existence it is HER choice to say goodbye to leadworth and continue to travel completely without remorse SHE IS THE HERO. it goes from "time can be rewritten, he'll find a way" to AMY being the one who finds the way. rory and river and the doctor all of course get their Moments but it's unquestionably amy's spotlight moment the whole way through

i have also ALWAYSSS been obsessed with starless universe amelia and the way that she still believes in stars in a world where they DON'T EXIST the power of her mind and the conviction of her beliefs is a CORE TENET of amy's character, the doctor has NOTHING to do with it!!! it's just who she is !!! best character of all time <3

other things about the amy's writing in this episode i love: the line "the universe pouring into her dreams every night," space florida outfit <3, ok i obviously do not love this but i think so much about amy talking about the doctor at her wedding and her mother is still like "NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN… i thought the psychiatrists FIXED her" like once again !!! a UNIVERSAL CONSTANT that amy is the one who believes in things nobody else does and is LOUD about it and is RIGHT !!! (let's kill hitler tried to retcon this but it simply won't work on me ❤️ just like anything else about the let's kill hitler flashbacks ❤️❤️❤️), OKAY DOCTOR DID I SURPRISE YOU THIS TIME? <3

number 2, i think, is the eleventh hour itself? like it's just… i've rewatched it so many times and it's still the most captivating character introduction i have ever seen. i know i'm biased but i love it so much. her introduction as a clearly neglected seven year old girl (constantly think about the deleted line that has her talking to aunt sharon and saying "you're not supposed to leave me, i'm seven!" WOOF) who's not afraid of anything except for the crack in her wall… she has drawings up all over her house of burning houses, she draws smiley faces into her apples bc her mom used to do that, she can cook for herself way better than i could at seven, and she desperately just wants to leave. but when the doctor tells her he'll be back in five minutes, amy is already so used to adults leaving her and breaking their promises that she doesn't believe him. but he makes her believe anyway. and he doesn't come back.

and all of the rest of her character hinges on that introduction — of course she has to believe him, he was REAL, nobody can take his realness away from her even if she is the only one who believes. but he also left her all alone for so long, just like everyone else who was supposed to be there for her did, so what good does that to her? so yeah of course she grows up angry and bitter and hiding those layers of hurt deeply under the surface, scorning all attachment and serious relationships because she knows she can't trust them. she outwardly distances herself from her childhood self by changing her name but she IS still just such a child inside.

she's not ready to settle, to grow up, to become what everyone in her tiny village wants her to be, thinks that she should be — so when she gets the chance to GO, of course she takes it. but she's also not just going to let the doctor off the hook for [gestures] her entire life, you know? the exchanges "people always say that" "i'm not people, do i even look like people?" | "people always have a reason" "do i look like people?" "Yes." always just GUT ME. she may trust him but it's NOT a blind trust, it can't be.

number 3 has to be the beast below it just makes me SCREAM how good that episode is at really developing amy through her compassion for other people — right from the start she sees that kid crying and she thinks the doctor must ignore stuff like this all the time, and she says that she could never do that. she's learning and intuiting leaps and bounds about the doctor with everything he says to her — which is another one of my favorite amy character traits, the way she is SO quick to pick up on things about other people and analyze them. everything that she picks up about the doctor allows her to KNOW what to do to save the star whale, allows her to be confident in the fact that the star whale wanted to help the whole time. the choice is IN HER HANDS she IS THE HERO <3 as she always should be. you couldn't just stand there and watch people cry! all that pain and misery and loneliness and it MADE IT KIND. i don't care how overused that quote is it still HITS !!!

um. number 4 is the girl who waited but my very specific headcanon-ridden interpretation and cutting out all that garbage "rory's the most beautiful man i've ever met" "defying destiny causality the nexus of time itself for a boy" bullshit. idk there's so many terrible things about this episode but it also gave me so much to think about when it comes to amy it's on my mind a LOT. one thing i think about is the way it parallels amy's first abandonment by the doctor — not just in the obvious sense but in the way that she's actively fighting for her life in a hostile atmosphere, but nobody else SEES it as a hostile atmosphere. the two streams facility is leadworth like it really is. and what adds a more chilling component is the way the handbots signature line is "do not be alarmed, this is a kindness" — like all the people who were trying to convince amy she was crazy throughout her entire childhood really thought they were doing her a kindness. they thought they were helping her. but they were killing her. because she wasn't made for that environment.

beyond that i am just obsessed with 36-years-later amy she is an icon she is a legend she is the moment i don't care! every mean thing she said about the doctor and rory was absolutely deserved and in fact she should have been so much meaner! she is SO SMART she makes her own SONIC PROBES OUT OF CAMERA PHONES the fact that she even was able to SURVIVE THAT LONG and in COMPLETE isolation and still retain her own mental faculties is just insane to me it speaks so much about her insane mental strength oh my god it makes me sooo emotional i am tearing up a little typing this right now.

i just am always THINKING about the line "there he is, the voice of god. number one lesson: survive, because no one's coming for you. you taught me that" it says SO MUCH about her. oh my god older amy didn't want to die she'll be kicking and screaming and fighting til the end… i fucking hate this show and picking and choosing when paradoxes should apply OLDER AMY DESERVED TO LIVE

number 5 is probably the power of three but my own very headcanon infused interpretation of it. because it's like. the ultimate miscommunication/misunderstanding that exists between amy and the doctor coming to a head. where amy in 7.02 is like "i can't not wait for you, even now. (…) we think you're weaning us off you" (that line always makes me slow exhale … the phrasing of the doctor as a drug) and the doctor keeps insisting that's not true, "you'll be there until the end of me" "or vice versa" (and they have that loaded held stare and you know they're both thinking about what he said to her before he left in the god complex…)

but it's not until this episode where amy starts to actually believe he means it. at the same time she's spent so much TIME preparing for the inevitable moment where the doctor says goodbye and doesn't say hello ever again that she's not willing to fully hope that the doctor really means it when he says that he would never leave her permanently on purpose. and i love that this episode gives amy a lot of space to verbally communicate her emotions because the later pond episodes SORELY LACK THAT. and amy tells him, don't be nice to me, don't stop coming around just because you think that's the kind thing to do. even though she says herself that she doesn't know if she can have "both" — she knows that she can tell the doctor to stay, in her own way, and that he'll listen.

ideally they would have just gone off traveling together forever after that and the angels take manhattan did not happen but unlike what the doctor says about amy, i don't ever get what i want 🙃

also, this episode gave amy friends that weren't rory or the doctor or river so i love it for that on principal <3 i know amy had fun being the bridesmaid at laura's lesbian wedding. and kate!!

( i do hate that this episode ends with that conversation between brian and the doctor. i hate brian as a character and i will forever. won't get into this right now but OUGH )

honestly this list is kind of wobbly and might change if you asked me in a month so i'll just rattle off other favorite episodes / moments real quickly: the good night minisode (it counts!), RIVER SONG DIDN'T GET IT ALL FROM YOU SWEETIE (timeline frozen amy my beloved!), "i remember it so it happened so i did it," vincent and the doctor specifically when vincent tells amy that he hears the song of her sadness…. ow, i could write a whole other essay about amy's choice and how it is so much more complex than people give it credit for but this post is already so goddamn long

[kinglivv]

Everybody Wants to Rule the World

Whittaker!Master x Reader

Summary: You recieve an anonymous invite in the mail. Quite unplanned, you meet the Master, who has an offer for you which appeals to your true nature.

Warnings: Murder

It started with an anonymous invitation in the post.

You should probably have told the Doctor about it's arrival, but for some reason you decide against it. The letter feels important, like it's something just for you and not for anyone else to get involved in, especially the Doctor. He was probably too busy with the fam anyway.

You say that as though you weren't apart of them. Apparently you were, but you were beginning to feel more and more detached these days. Maybe this was a way to prove yourself. You didn't need them.

The invitation, which is in spikey handwriting and smells faintly of cinnamon, doesn't have an address - it has a time and an airport.

So, late one Saturday evening, you put on your favourite outfit (classy, but practical - you had a feeling you were meeting someone important), and got in your car to drive to Sheffield Doncaster Airport.

There, you're directed to one of the private runways without question, and you suddenly feel very small, driving your tiny audi amoungst all these parked and abandoned planes. You can see the more of them in the distance, landing and taking off in the dark. It had been so long since you'd been on one - who needed a plane when you had the TARDIS?

It isn't hard to spot the one you're getting on. You had been told by the security of course, but even if you hadn't it would still be rather obvious. It's a small private jet, white with a gold stripe along the side and "Saxon Air" in swirling letters above it.

You park the car and step out, and there in all her glory, is the Master.

She stands at the bottom of the steps to the plane, eyeing you, a small smirk on her red lips. Her trench coat flaps in the wind and her blonde curls are tucked behind an ear to stop them blowing in her face.

"I thought it might be you." You call over the wind and the sounds of plane engines as you slam the car door. "Who else would summon me in such a egotistical way?"

She ignores your quip.

"I know you love a little bit if drama, Y/N. Besides, how else would I get the attention of the Doctor's most complicated companion?"

"So what is this then?" You ask as you approach her. "You gonna fly me to Vegas for a casino date or something?"

"I'm sure it's going to be a lot more interesting than that," She replies with a quirk of her lips. "Ladies first." She motions to the steps.

"Mass murderers first." You retort and she licks her lips, looking you up and down rather obviously.

You've already weighed up your options: try leave and probably get killed. Go with her and probably have a lot of fun. You knew without a doubt what option you were choosing.

Trying to keep the nervous excitement from creeping into your indifferent expression, you follow her up the steps, the tap tap of her heels against the metal echoing through the night.

The inside of the plane is impressive to say the least - white leather sofas, brown tortoise shell walls and gold detailing wherever it can be put. You expected no less from the Master.

There's also three security guards, two either side of the exit and the third by a set of two plush chairs facing eachother, a table inbetween them. They're clearly meant for you, so you brush confidently past them and sit down. The Master mutters something to one of them and then sits down opposite you.

"So," You say, as one guard places two glasses of something champagne looking down in front of you both. "What's this for then? Shouldn't you be after the Doctor instead of me?"

"Oh, not that old bore," She replies. "I'm much more interested in you Y/N. I've been watching you."

"I'm flattered." You tell her, swapping the champagne glasses around so you had the one meant for her and vice versa. You thought poisoning someone was a bit cliché for the Master, but you weren't putting anything below her. She watches your actions with a quirked eyebrow.

"It's always confused me why the Doctor keeps you around, you know."

"Why? Because I'm a human?"

"No, darling," She chuckles, reaching out and taking a sip, confirming that it wasn't in fact poisoned. "Because you're the complete opposite of the type of human he usually keeps around."

The plane engine starts and it begins to move along the runway, gradually gaining speed. No going back now.

"What do you mean?"

"What I mean, Y/N," She says, her voice dropping slightly, "is that you've got a taste for blood." The word practically drips from her mouth, rolling off her tongue so smoothly it makes your stomach flutter.

"I don't know what you mean." You reply, your tone ambivelant.

"I think you do," She retorts. "I've seen it on your face. I've murdered people right in front of you, and you've done nothing to stop me. Usually the Doctor's companions plead with me to spare lives, but you, you just watch on with a sparkle in your eyes." You finally reach out and take a nervous sip of champagne, and she continues. "How about that time on Drebos?"

You feel yourself tilted backwards as the plane lifts off the ground, acsending into the clouds. No escape now, unless you were willing to risk a rather large drop.

"You weren't on Drebos."

"Wasn't I?" She says it theatrically as if she were an actor in a play and you were her audience. "You could have talked down the king from detonating that bomb quite easily. Instead you tied his hands, shoved it in his mouth and watched him blow up his own palace."

"Nessecary."

"No. Just another, darker option." She corrects. "You've been acting on your best behaviour, Y/N, but you can't hide your true nature for that long. That's why the Doctor's taken you on, isn't it?"

"What do you mean?" You ask again, glancing out the window at the masses of clouds below and the scattering of stars above.

"Don't tell me you've never asked yourself that. You're nothing like the other three. You've got no moral compass and the Doctor disagrees with just about every decision you make." She leans forward. "You want to know why he takes you with him? Because you're fucked, Y/N. In the head, just like me. He couldn't fix Missy, so he's trying to fix you. A human should be easier to re-wire than a Timelord, right?" She laughs, cold and hard.

"Well it hasn't worked so far, has it?" You reply cooly and her eyebrows raise in surprise at your change of tone. "He seems to think bringing me along might fix me, might make me feel things the way he does. He thinks I'm a charity case."

"Oh, so you're aware?"

"Of course I'm aware!" You snap. "I'm not an idiot."

"If you're not an idiot, then why don't you leave?"

"You think I'd give up travelling the stars just because he thinks I'm a sociopath?"

"I didn't say give up travelling the stars, angel. I said leave him."

You narrow your eyes despite the fact that shehadjustcalledyouangel.

"What are you suggesting?"

"I'm suggesting you come with me."

"You?" You snort. "You hate humans."

"I'm asking you to be my companion," She says, her voice firm. "I rarely do ask people to be so. If I were you I'd take that as an enormous privilege, Y/N." Her leg brushes against yours and you shiver. "You fascinate me. I want you around."

It's a bizzare offer, and most certainly not the one you were expecting. You'd thought you'd board the plane, maybe have a bit of verbal foreplay and then she'd either ask you where the Doctor was or try throw you out the window. Instead, her leg is between yours and she's looking at you calculatingly.

It was an opportunity of a life time. The Master was right - how many people did she invite to travel with her like the Doctor did? Second to none. And you had to admit, your life with her would be a lot more exciting and much more suited to your tastes. The Doctor was all about saving people and sorting out wars he had no place in. The Master was about power, money and blood.

"I know you want to, love," She says, her voice coaxing. "Think of all the amazing things we could do together." A hand reaches across and tucks a hair behind your ear. "Everyone wants to rule the world, darling. No one more than you."

It's the gentle touch that does it. It burns inside you, stoking a fire that was a mere flame seconds ago, and your mind's made up.

"Alright." You say. "I'm never one to deny a beautiful woman."

"Brilliant," Her lips crack into a smile that could make a king fall to his knees.

Then she pulls out a gun and places it in front of you.

"Shoot the guards."

The instruction is nonchalant and light, holding none of the weight it realistically should do. You stare at her in surprise, glancing between her and the gun. The guards don't even flinch.

Hypnotised, you think.

"Why?" You ask, quietly.

"I need to know if you're capable," She reaches out and presses the gun into your palms, her hands curling around yours. "Shoot the guards."

You stare at the gun in your hands, her red nails a startling contrast with the black of the metal. It feels strangely... at home. Like it was made for the shape of your hand. Knowing the Master, it probably was.

Pulling away from her grip, you hold up the gun, point it and fire three times. Bang bang bang. Each guard hits the floor with a satisfying thud and you feel a thrill run through you.

You felt like God.

The Master's grinning when you look back at her, and you find you are too.

"Y/N, darling. You're going to be perfect."

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