#and twice in my life in the 10 years I lived here I woke up with a cockroach on my face

[zenathezee]

One of the dumb things I do at home is walk around while reading (something I'm fairly adept at but does cause consistent minor to occasionally major issues)

Due to a natural disaster I now temporarily live in a state with something I have a phobia of (again), and have encountered several times in the house in just the week I've been here, so now I have to carefully scope out the entire room every time I walk around and maintain a situational awareness that is truly exhausting to maintain

True home is safety, and true safety is the safety to do silly things without fear of disproportionate consequences

[deadmandead10845]

Brady - Fat2Fit2Fat

(243lbs) Brady works at an insurance agency in Kansas City. He’s far away from everything, and hates his job. He hates commuting and has two acquaintances and no real friends. He’s let himself go pretty badly, but he doesn’t have the will power to hit the gym or change any part of his life. Thankfully, he’s been at his company for 10 years and earns a 3 month sabbatical with full pay to use.

(243lbs) Brady took the first part of his sabbatical to hike in the mountains solo. He stumbled upon what looked like an abandoned shack with smoke coming out of the chimney. He knew nightfall would be soon so he wanted to ask the local if he could crash at their place for the night. He knocked on the door and it opened itself. He let himself in and called.

BRADY: Hello!!!

(243lbs) A mysterious figure appeared around the corner. The woman introduced herself as Cora.

CORA: I’ve been practicing witchcraft in the mountains since I was little and now I am the only one left. Some witch will reveal too much about herself and then she’s hunted by the locals. I chose to reveal my house and myself to you because I can tell you’re not from here and you have an open mind.

BRADY: I definitely have an open mind. I came here to the mountains to find myself. I am on a sabbatical trying to find some sort of motivation.

CORA: What is one thing you don’t have control over that you wish to have infinite control of?

BRADY: *looks down at his soft out of shape body and looks up*

His body has always been a sense of insecurity that made him feel inadequate and less than because he wishes he was fit.

CORA: Nothing with power, career, money?

BRADY: I just want to like how I look and control what I look like.

CORA: *rummages through the cabinet and throws some leaves into what looks like a brewing potion. Once all the ingredients were stirred in, the liquid began to glow a pale orange color.*

BRADY: Is this legit going to help me?

CORA: You drink and find out. Or you can go beg your doctor for Ozempic and forget you came here. At least this is free!

BRADY: I’m not being drugged right now?

CORA: You are, just not a bad kind.

BRADY: *takes the vial of orange liquid and drinks it*

CORA: How do you wish to look?

BRADY: I just want to lose like 75 pounds.

(165lbs) Brady’s pants fell down immediately and his blue polo shirt wore him like a dress.

BRADY: Holy shit I must be hallucinating.

CORA: You’re not but I figured you’d have this reaction. Sleep it off.

Cora snapped her fingers and Brady’s vision blacked out.

—

Brady woke up in his hotel room down at the base of the mountain. He walked to the bathroom and sure enough he was completely thin. He went to put on an outfit and quickly realized nothing in his suitcase would fit him. Everything he had was a 40” waist and all his shirts were XL. He ran through the closest Walmart holding his shorts bunched up in his hand hoping he wouldn’t drop them and bought a new pair of 30” waist shorts. He was so happy.

After his 3 months concluded, he returned to Missouri and submitted his 2 week notice. He wanted a fresh start where he could show off his new skinny body and get laid for once. He was a gay man living in the Midwest with approximately 5 blank Grindr profiles within a 25 mile radius.

(149lbs) Brady packed up all his belongings and moved to Miami. He looked in the mirror and audibly said “I wish I was a twink.” And in the blink of an eye another 15 pounds disappeared off his body. He met Javi at Twist, the local gay club near his apartment. After almost 2 years, the two fell in love and became inseparable and lived together. Javi told Brady he should start going to the gym and getting big arms and a six pack because he wasn’t super into twinks. Brady quietly looked at himself in the bathroom mirror once or twice a week asking for just 1 pound more trying to subtly get larger for Javi without alerting him to his powers given to him by the witch.

(195lbs) Brady had gotten extremely fit and did no work for it. The potion he took two years ago was unbelievable. Javi loved Brady’s new extremely fit body and Brady loved the attention. Brady however, wasn’t sure he loved how he looked. Javi was going away on business to Houston for a month, so Brady booked himself a trip to Hawaii by himself to hopefully ground himself.

(210lbs) Brady wished another 15 pounds of muscle onto his body before he left for Hawaii. He wanted to look his best for the beach so he could post photos of his body online for attention. He wasn’t the happiest, so the online attention helped. Once he landed in Hawaii he took the private boat to the small isolated island resort he had booked.

(175lbs) Brady hated how he looked so he wished 30 pounds off his body because he thought a leaner look would suit him and he tried to walk around the beach and feel comfortable but he really wasn’t sure why he wasn’t comfortable with himself. Brady had an idea, he went to the surf shop in the lobby and bought himself a pair of 2XL swim trunks and went up to his room. He bought himself a case of beers and drank away. He got in the mirror looked at himself and asked for a dad bod.

(280lbs) Brady, still very much in shape but much larger (100lbs larger to be exact) walked down the beach with his beer gut and massive arms. He was happy. He actually liked how he looked. No one recognized him from earlier and all the other guests just thought he was a new arrival to the resort. Brady went back to the surf shop and bought a 2XL Hawaiian shirt before returning home to Florida.

(305lbs) Brady was a huge guy. He wished himself even bigger and squeezed himself into the premium economy seat he booked on points and flew home to Florida. He spent nearly 12 hours total on the plane and when he walked in the door felt like everything was all wrong. He was skinny Brady in Florida, not big and beefy. Javi was due to arrive at any minute. When Brady heard the lock turning, he ran to the bathroom and wished his body back to his 195lb self.

Javi found the 2XL shirts and asked and Brady told him he was trying oversized fashion and didn’t like it, so he threw the shirt away. Brady couldn’t stop thinking about his little escape he had in Hawaii and after a few months went back to the bathroom and wished to be a bit bigger. Javi hated it so much. Javi kept telling Brady to hit the treadmill and to eat less.

(243lbs) Brady was back at the same weight he was before he met Cora the witch. However, he had so much muscle on his body he was a lot smaller than Javi still hated it. Brady loved his small belly and missed playing with the belly he once had when he was an insurance agent back in Missouri. The two attended couple’s therapy to no avail. Ultimately, it let to Brady and Javi breaking up. Javi kicked Brady out of the apartment. Just to get back at Javi, Brady lost all the weight before coming to the apartment to collect his belongings.

Brady needed a new start so he called one of his buddies in New York who was starting a boutique insurance agency and cofounded it with him.

(327lbs) Brady wanted a fresh start in New York so he bought a 3XL hoodie and sweat at the last Walmart before the Holland tunnel, and sat in traffic looking in the mirror and wished to be fat. He’d never been as big as he was now. He watched his body tighten the dress of a hoodie he had put on and fill it out. Compared to last week in Miami, he was completely unrecognizable. He was truly starting over. Once he showered in his apartment he got a look at his new fat body covered in stretch marks and rolls. Brady was generally happy with his size. The only drawback and he couldn’t find much clothing in the city stores that fit him well so he was barely able to dress well.

(327lbs) Four years went by and Brady’s joint venture had taken off. He was able to buy an apartment and afford more than ever. He seemed very content. He was overworked. One fateful day on the train he dozed off. In his dream he was even fatter than he is now. The dream was so vivid he could feel his body sloshing with every step.. when in reality the jerky subway train was sloshing him around. He missed his stop and rode the train to the end asleep. In the dream, Brady said he wanted to get fatter and…

(415lbs) He woke up. His shirt had ridden up his entire belly and his pants completely ripped. He was huge. Brady embarrassed walked to the next departing train that would get him home attracting the stares of everyone for the lack of clothing he had one, especially for his size. Brady decided to take several months remote from work after that, to give his business partner a believable timeline for his nearly 100lb weight gain.

(415lbs) Brady went to Industry, a New York gay bar and opened up his shirt in hopes he would find a chub chaser. Unfortunately he just got stares.

(451lbs) Brady had to get an entire new suit made for him because of his sheer girth. His seamstress couldn’t believe the size of him. She had made him his suit four years ago when he weighed more than a hundred pounds less. Brady knew it wasn’t going to last long because he planned to put a little more weight on. His business partner couldn’t believe the size of him either. Brady needed to remove the armrests on his desk chair so he could fit.

(485lbs) By the summer, Brady had willed another 35lbs onto his body. He attended a big party on Fire Island having fun with his friends. All of the sudden he saw a familiar face.

Javi.

BRADY: Javi???

JAVI: Hiiii…. Have we met?

BRADY: Javi it’s me

JAVI: Where have we met you look so familiar??

BRADY: It’s me, Brady

JAVI: Brady who?

BRADY: Your ex boyfriend.

JAVI: There is just no way. I thought you lost all the weight you put on.

BRADY: Then I gained it back, and then some

JAVI: Holy shit Brady you look awful, do you need me to get you a nutritionist? I am worried.

BRADY: No not at all. I am super happy the way I look.

JAVI: Weren’t you happy when half of Miami wanted to f*ck you?

BRADY: No, but I am happy now.

JAVI: Can I ask how much…

BRADY: How much I weigh?

JAVI: ….

BRADY: Four Hundred Eighty Five pounds last I checked. I don’t really fluctuate.

JAVI: God, this is just insane to me..

Javi walked away.

About 10 minutes later, Javi’s friend Andres walked by and…

ANDRES: Brady?

BRADY: Andres long time no see

ANDRES: I’m sorry Javi said all that… he’s just insecure and projecting on you.

BRADY: Yeah that’s why we broke up all those years ago.

ANDRES: Well, let me tell you. I like the change

Andres grabbed Brady’s belly from underneath and leaned in and kissed Brady on the cheek. He began to walk away.

BRADY: Wait a second, Andres!

Brady grabbed Andres’s hand and pulled him back for a real kiss. Andres’s hand found its way back to under Brady’s belly jiggling it while the pair made out.

Javi watched from a distance fuming with anger.

BRADY: Does a guy like me get to ask you for your number?

ANDRES: Definitely.

Javi walked over

JAVI: Wow Andres making out with my fat ex in front of me is really classy.

ANDRES: Sorry you’re too superficial to understand what a big guy can give you.

(508lbs) After texting for weeks, Andres invited Brady to go golfing with his friend.

ANDRES: Hey big fella.

BRADY: Hey handsome, ready to play?

ANDRES: Yes it’s been a while.

BRADY: It’s been too long for me too.

ANDRES: Shirt’s a bit small Brady…

Brady, embarrassed tried to pull the shirt down over his belly. He knew it was way too small but wanted to test Andres.

BRADY: Wow, I seem to have grown out of it…

ANDRES: Been a while since you wore it?

BRADY: I think this fit me when we met a few weeks ago.

ANDRES: Are you going to try to tell me it shrunk in the wash then?

BRADY: No, I just have put on about 25 pounds since that pool party and haven’t bothered to go shopping.

ANDRES: Wha— … how?

BRADY: Guess I’ve been hungry

Andres knew that Brady was the man for him in that moment. The two began dating.

(528lbs) Brady had gotten into the bad habit of putting 15lbs on every time he was going to be seen at an event to show that he was a growing man. He attended one of his friend’s backyard weddings and knocked over one of the displays with his huge belly.

Everyone who saw him at this point was asked if he was doing ok or if he needed anything. Some of the attendees even offering to give him a doctor referral for weight loss drugs. He assured them he was perfectly ok.

(600lbs) Brady admittedly took it too far. Brady had weighed in at 551lbs this morning. He had some room in his suit and had a big event for his company. He and his business partner were announcing the sale of their company to a big insurance company. He stood on the scale and watched the number go up until he hit 600lbs on the dot.

He was now basically 75lbs heavier than he was 4 months ago. After the sale of his company, Brady was to retire with enough money for him and his grandchildren (if he ever had any) to live comfortably.

When he got home, he totally forgot he would be facing Andres.

ANDRES: Brady…

BRADY: Hey honey.

ANDRES: Something is different

BRADY: What happened.

ANDRES: You look different. Something is just off.

BRADY: I am not sure what you are talking about.

ANDRES: Wait. Is that the suit you had made last week?

BRADY: Yes

ANDRES: Then why does it look like it’s about to pop.

BRADY: Oh yes something is different.

ANDRES: What.

BRADY: I got fatter.

ANDRES: Since this morning?

BRADY: Babe I think it’s time I tell you something.

Brady explained to Andres the whole story about his past life in Missouri. His sabbatical, meeting Cora the witch. He explained how he lost all the weight for Javi. Went to Hawaii and experimented with his body in different sizes.

ANDRES: What do you expect me to believe you have powers or something?

BRADY: Watch this

Brady walked into the bathroom, and willed himself to be a twink again. He walked out weighing 150lbs adorned with abs.

Andres walked to the kitchen and splashed cold water in his face. He couldn’t believe his eyes.

BRADY: I would never tell anyone about this.

ANDRES: You chose to be fat?

BRADY: If I didn’t I wouldn’t be living with the man of my dreams so let’s not.

ANDRES: Ok you’re scaring me you look emaciated.

BRADY: Oh yeah.

The two started to make out while Brady’s body slowly inflated back to 600lbs. Brady’s face filled out and his abs disappeared. Slowly a belly started to form along with soft supple moobs. His love handles expanded outward and his body started to widen. His thighs began to push against each other as they filled with fat.

Andres was so horny watching his boyfriend blow up to such a massive size and came hands free when he watched the fat pad swallow up Brady’s dick.

ANDRES: So how much do you weigh now?

BRADY: Let’s go see

The scale read 600 pounds.

Brady maintained 600 pounds for a while and about a year and a half into dating Andres, knew it was time. He popped the question getting down on one knee.

He couldn’t get back up after getting down which was very hot to Andres, who eagerly said yes.

(705lbs) Brady returned to the mountains. He bought three aur plane seats and filled them up with his girth. He struggled but he hiked his way all the way up to Cora’s hut wearing a suit to thank her for her potion that changed his life.

Brady knocked on the door which immediately opened. His belly knocked over a beaker off the table which led to Cora running into the room.

CORA: How did you get in here??

BRADY: I opened the door.

CORA: How did you find my house?

BRADY: I’ve been here before.

CORA: Who are you??

BRADY: Do you not remember me?

CORA: No, and I would.

She looked down at Brady’s belly.

BRADY: Oh right would this help?

Brady pulled out his phone and showed her a photo of him from about 10 years before. A photo of him and Javi together where he was less than 200lbs.

CORA: What was your name.. Bradley?

BRADY: Brady, close enough.

CORA: Did I do something wrong with the potion, brew it wrong?? I am so sorry!! Let me help you slim down.

BRADY: No, I am this big by choice. I could get down to this weight again any time.

CORA: Why?

BRADY: I was skinny for a while and I just didn’t like it. I was constantly making adjustments to my body so other men would see me as hot. My boyfriend left me when I decided to try out a *very slight* dad bod.

CORA: So you did this? You could’ve been half the size and still been fat.

BRADY: Well some days it just doesn’t feel like enough.

CORA: I never expected you to look like this. I expected you to have gotten massively jacked and been narcissistic.

BRADY: You were wrong

CORA: Very.

BRADY: I came here to thank you. It took me a long time to get up the mountain, but I knew that before long it would not be possible with my size.

CORA: You could’ve shrunken down to climb up here…

BRADY: But that isn’t me

CORA: Well I am happy.

BRADY: Being confident with my size and my body found me the best fiance ever.

CORA: You mean a chub chaser?

BRADY: —

CORA: Right.

BRADY: Well I mean you would have to be to like me at this size anyways. People stare.

CORA: I am staring.

BRADY: Well thank you for doing this for me.

CORA: Any time. Here, let me get you something.

Cora made a green cocktail of ingredients. She bottled them up.

CORA: You two are getting married?

She said looking at the Lock Screen on Brady’s phone.

BRADY: Yes

CORA: Wait until your wedding night to drink this. You both need to drink it for it to work.

BRADY: What is it?

CORA: You two will never break up or fight.

BRADY: This is perfect.

CORA: You also will never get health issues from your weight because you look like a heart attack waiting to happen.

BRADY: Hey!

CORA: So don’t have one before your wedding!

(750lbs) Brady and Andres had a lovely wedding.

The two got married and after the reception concluded, drank the potions together.

(785lbs) Brady loved going out and seeing the reactions on everyone’s faces seeing his size. He would eat for hours just for show and go home stuffed.

(830lbs) Brady was walking through Central Park. Let’s be real, he was barely moving and barely waddling. Suddenly he saw a familiar face again.

BRADY: Javi!!

JAVI: Holy fuck Brady you are huge.

BRADY: I know. Why are you here?

JAVI: I moved here for work. I got a job at an insurance company.

BRADY: You mean the one named after my last name that I just sold?

JAVI: Oh my god..

BRADY: Yup!

JAVI: What's new with you. I haven't seen you since you hooked up with my best friend at a pool party. I haven't seen him either that was so messy and rude of you.

BRADY: We got married.

JAVI: What…

BRADY: Yes we've been married for just about a year.

JAVI: Bet he didn't expect you to get fatter than you already were.

BRADY: He probably didn't but he loves it. He takes care of me and all the things I can't do anymore.

JAVI: I am so glad I left you before this happened.

BRADY: Me too. Next time you see me, I'm sure I'll be even bigger.

Andres walked up between the two of them.

ANDRES: Javi?

JAVI: This is insane. You married him??

ANDRES: Yes.. of course

JAVI: Why did you let him get this big

BRADY: I’ll answer that. He likes his men big, and I wanted to get big.

JAVI: Is that why you tried to get a dad bod all those years ago?

BRADY: Yes, and now I weigh more than eight hundred pounds.

ANDRES: 830 to be exact.

Javi stormed away.

The end.

[silverhairsimp]

I Can't Sleep Without You

Pairing: Bokuto x fem!Reader

Warnings: MINORS DO NOT ENTER. PWP. Oral (f!receiving), fingering, penetrative sex, consensual recording. Bokuto is the consent king. Doesn't matter how long you've been together.

a/n: I had this idea in the middle of the night and woke up to draft half of it. finally finished it so here you goooo :) enjoy! not proof read. also. two posts in one day? who tf am I?

reblogs are always appreciated <3

Trying to balance dating a professional volleyball player with a full career of your own has always been a challenge. No matter how badly you wanted to be there at every single game, every international trip, it just wasn’t realistic. 

You and Koutarou had been together since your third year of high school. You survived college together (despite the long distance), and after living together since he went pro, it was nearly impossible to get a good night's sleep whenever he was away for games. 

And this time was no different. He had been gone for a 10 day trip overseas for one of the biggest tournaments of the year. Between your work schedule, his practice schedule, and the time difference… phone calls were scarce, texts were short lived and it was really starting to get to you. Sleeping in your giant bed without him was hard enough! The last thing you needed was for your schedules to be the farthest thing from compatible.

As the days went on, it got harder and harder. The side of his bed was so cold without his warm body next to you and it was beginning to be too much. Logically there was only one solution: get all the pillows in the house, your favorite sweatshirt of his, his cologne and cuddle up in bed to make due. And until he got back, this is how you slept. 

You had practically built a barricade in the bed, pillows surrounding you in every direction and corner. He wasn’t supposed to be back for another two days, but by some miracle he had gotten home early. Unbeknownst to you though… it was the middle of the night by the time he got back and what a surprise it was to see upon his arrival. Or at least it would have if you were awake to greet him.

You were snuggled up under the covers, leg hiked up over one pillow with your arms clinging to another for dear life. You’ve got his sweatshirt on and he can smell the fresh scent of his cologne from the door to your bedroom. It wasn’t enough for you to just spray it on the sweatshirt though, you had to put a few drops of it into the diffuser so the whole room would smell like him. 

You must be so tired because you hadn’t even moved a muscle since he walked in. Quickly and quietly, he sets his bags down and changes into his comfy clothes to get some sleep with you finally in his arms again. Only when he goes to crawl into bed, there’s almost no room! “Baby girl… you trying to replace me or something?” He asks as he brushes your hair out of your eyes and smoothes it behind your ear, followed by a tender kiss to your forehead. “There she is,” he smiles warmly at you when you finally start to open your eyes. “Kou? You’re home already?” You sit up and rub the sleep out of your eyes with the heel of your hand. He sits on the edge of the bed and nods his head, “One of the teams dropped out last minute so our games got cut back, we had already played each team twice… no sense in playing them a third, or at least that what coach thought–” he’s babbling and you smile at him, reaching out your arms finally happy and complete now that you’ve got your boyfriend back with you. “Sooo,” he draws out, “wanna tell me what’s going on with all the pillows? And why I can smell my cologne in the diffuser?” He asks with a soft chuckle and a bright smile. He’s not mad at all, not in the slightest. “Just missed you is all… had a hard time sleeping without you.” It’s actually really endearing you’d gone to such lengths to keep yourself comfortable while he was gone. And to be fair, he was no better. He slept with that polaroid of the two of you under his pillow, the one from after his first win as part of the MSBY Black Jackals. He had scored the winning spike and was so excited that he ran straight to you before the refs had even called the game. It’s such a fond memory of his and it's honestly what keeps him going. You are what keeps him going. “Well, I’m here now, so… can I have my spot back, or am I still being substituted by a bunch of pillows?” He laughs as you throw the pillows off the bed, not caring if they fall to the ground or land against the wall. The only thing that matters is that you have him back. And that’s very clear once you throw your arms around his neck and climb into his lap. His hands settle on your hips as he finally gets to hold you and kiss you again after far too long. 

“Missed you too– by the way–” He mumbles against your lips, in between kisses. All of a sudden, you aren’t so tired anymore, he can tell by the way you start to rock your hips in his lap and tug on the hairs at his nape. When he wore his hair down, it made grabbing and tugging at it so much easier, and if he’s being honest, it’s one of the reasons why he started doing it more often. 

He moves the two of you back against the headboard, sitting upright with you still in his lap. “You don’t still need this do you?” He tugs on the strings of his hoodie, “now that I’m back?” You shake your head and smile before telling him: “take it off”, and who is he to deny anything you could ever want. 

His lips find yours while his large, calloused hands travel up your hips to your waist, just wanting to feel you again before gathering the fabric and pushing it up and over your head. “There she is… my beautiful girl…” He places open mouthed kisses up your bare chest, between the valley of your breasts before giving some much needed attention to your tits. He rolls his tumb over one nippple while his mouth swirls around the other, sucking on it before popping off and moving to the other side. 

“Missed your body– missed kissing you goodnight every night… missed fucking you to sleep on others…” He keeps mumbling between kisses while you grind against his lap. “Missed you too baby… tried to take care of myself, but it never feels as good as when you do it.” He snickers at that, “Poor baby, your fingers not long enough? Need me to take care’a you?” When you nod your head yes, he flips you on to your back, positioning himself right between your thighs. 

Your fingers claw at his shirt, wanting him to match, it was only fair that way. He lets you pull it off, lowering his head to get it out of the hole and pulling one arm out before tossing the shirt on the ground, left to be forgotten about until morning. “Bet you taste so good… can I, baby? Can I taste you?” When you nod your head yes and push his head down further he stops, “Uh uh, gotta hear you say it… you know that.” He places a few kisses right above your collarbone, sucking a mark into the skin there while he waits for your consent. “Please Kou, want you to. I need it– need you so bad– please touch me…” It was more than enough to satisfy him. Hearing your cute little plea’s just to get him to touch you after your time apart. 

“That’s a good girl– my good girl. Now, hips up for me–” He instructs as he hooks his fingers into the waistband of your panties and slides them down your legs. Grinning at the silvery strands that connect to the fabric as he pulls them away. “So wet already… were you thinking about me before I got back?” He asks as he tugs his boxers down his thighs, not wanting to worry about them later. “Always think about you when you’re gone–” you whisper as you arch off the bed, longing for his touch. “Yeah? Me too…” He lowers himself down onto the bed and kicks even more of the pillows off as he presses kisses to your inner thighs while he gets closer and closer to what he really wants– what he needs. “Spend so much time getting myself off to those naughty pictures you send… all the videos we’ve taken… Gettin’ me all worked up just thinking about them.” He licks a fat stripe through your folds and suckles on your clit, that smirk on his face growing wider as you twitch under his touch. “Why don’t we add to the collection, hm baby? Wanna take a video of how good I eat you out? Have something to remember me for the next time I’m away?” You nod your head and quickly scramble to find your phone. If it weren’t for the face id, you’d certainly be struggling to enter or even remember your password right now. That chime of the camera sounds and the flash turns on, reflecting in his honeyed eyes as he devours you. It's obscene. The way his chin and corners of his mouth are already covered in your slick. Or the way his eyes have never left the camera. Gods what did you do to deserve a man that takes such good care of you? 

That question lingers even longer when he kisses your thighs and spits right onto your pussy, only to bring two fingers to your cunt. “C’mon sweetheart, wanna hear you… don’t keep those cute noises all to yourself… wanna have this video too and watch it in the showers, or in my hotel room all alone and remember how good I made you feel.” When you start to get louder, he works even harder. Giving you his tongue and his fingers at the same time. He’s curling them inside of you so perfectly and hits that spot over and over again until you’re coming undone within minutes. “That’s it baby girl– ride it out– use me, please…” He begs you and hums against your cunt when you start to rock your hips against his face. You’re trying your best to hold the camera steady while your other hand reaches to fist his hair, tugging him even closer while another orgasm builds. “Kou– fuck… want your cock– please, need you after so long–” You beg and gods he can’t wait to replay this video over and over again, hearing you plead for him. “Anything for you– gimme the phone, sweetheart.” He removes his fingers, popping them in his mouth to wipe off the rest of your essence while he sits back on his haunches and takes the phone from you. 

“Be a good girl and get on all fours for me…” When you do what he asks, he gives your ass a little love smack and uses your phone to get a good view of your pussy. It's so slick with his saliva and he’s sure it’ll make it even easier to slip right in. 

Still, your boyfriend isn’t a small guy, so he spits right on the tip of his cock and pumps himself a few times. Of course making sure to record it for you later. 

He's got the phone pointed straight down as he watches his cock push past that tight ring of muscle through the screen. “F-fuck…” he mutters breathlessly, and you’re not far behind with curses of your own. “Hnngh, baby… go slow… been a while…” “I know love, you’re doing so good for me, aren’t you?” When all you do is nod your head he stills his hips, “Aren’t you?” He asks again in a more firm tone, “Yes– doing good for you, only for you, Kou… please.” 

Gods you really are such a good girl, his perfect baby. A few moments pass as he allows you to adjust, once you give him the okay, he draws back his hips and thrusts forward again. The sound of skin slapping skin echoes against the quiet walls of your shared bedroom and it’s music to his ears. Hearing that and hearing your cries of pleasure is all he could ever wish for. 

“Can already feel you clenching around me… gonna cum?” he asks as he continues to piston his cock into you, when you babble on a string of ‘yes’s and ‘please let me cum’ he tosses the phone on the bed and reaches around to rub tight circles around your clit. Working you up until that second release hits and you’re gushing round his cock, making a mess on the sheets below. 

“Fuck– squirting like that without a proper warning? Naughty girl…” He snickers as he picks up the pace even more, chasing that blissful high of his own. “Gonna cum, baby– gonna fill ya up nice and deep, yeah? Bet you missed this the most… missed my cum inside you, hm?” 

“Yes– fuck– yes, missed your cum– please, kou– need t’feel it, please!” You beg so pretty for him and he wouldn’t dream of not giving you what you wanted so with one final warning, he lets you know he’s cumming and shortly after he’s painting your walls white. 

He keeps thrusting, getting it as deep as he can until he’s given you everything he could hold before he collapses on top of you. Even with the video long forgotten about, the phone is still recording all the audio. He holds you close in his arms, pulling your leg over his hip with his cock still buried inside of you. “I love you, so much… you know that right?” 

You rest your hand on his chest and nod, “Yes, Kou. I know, and I love you too. Just as much.” 

He rubs soothing strokes along your backside and peppers your forehead with kisses until you’re closing your eyes and drifting off to sleep. He finds your phone as quietly as he can and flips the camera to face him, telling the camera one last time, ‘i love you’, before turning it off. 

Being away from you while he’s away for tournaments may suck, but getting to come home to you like this makes it all worthwhile.

[createyourownnarrative]

Usually I try not to post too much about Long Covid on my regular FB feed. I’ve learned to just not do it. It’s best I save those posts for my support groups where I can get the support I need from people going through the same struggle.

But I need to get this off my chest.

I always knew I wanted to be an artist. I dabbled in many mediums over the years, photography, music, painting, film/media, writing, I’ve made sculptures. I truly enjoy expressing myself through various art forms, and connecting with others through that.

In 2010-2011, after years of working job after job trying to find my passion (when most of my friends were already college graduates with direction) and feeling a little lost, in the retail industry, I put my foot down, went back to school and chose a medium, & decided to pursue THAT. One medium I truly always loved: Photography. In 2012, I exhibited my work for the first time. In 2020 I opened up my first photo studio. A creative space where I can share and make memories. 1 month later, a global pandemic overturns our worlds and realities. I never would have imagined, that, in our lifetime. You just don’t think it could happen to you (to us). But it did. It’s still so surreal to me.

I got sick with Covid twice. I knew some people who had covid over 4-8 times. I had it twice. It only took that first bout with the virus to completely change my life. My body. My mind. My worries. My perspective. My whole world. And my future. I thought I almost had it figured out, my path, my plans, my goals. What I wanted to do, and where I wanted to go. Who I wanted to be. Now i’m grateful that I make it through my day, without collapsing. (which has happened and was very scary). My last two photography jobs, I couldn’t feel my hands. It’s why I’ve been so inactive, since I got sick. Whats going to happen when I can’t take pictures anymore?

When I tested positive for the first time, I cried in the cab ride home. I was beyond terrified. What will this mean? Will I survive this? What is going to happen. I thought if I can get through the virus and live, that’s all I could want. Some months before, I had lost a high school friend, a fellow musician, to Coronavirus. He was only 32 years old. We didn’t know what would happen. Who was at risk of death. After 9 or 10 days, with the virus. I tested negative, and returned to work. Feeling good, that I survived. Especially after day 4, when I woke up gasping for air in the night. I feared I wouldn’t wake up. I got blamed for testing positive by people around me. It was “my fault”. For “not being careful”. I felt so alienated. After I returned to work, I was preparing to move, packing, organizing, purging. One day, I could not get out of bed. And strange heavy symptoms. I thought I had Covid again. Of course the test came back negative.

But I would never be the same again. I never fully recovered from getting sick. Stuck back in 2020.

Do you know what it’s like? I see the world moving on. Almost like it never happened. Our government lying and covering up facts/truth. We are still sick. Still here. 18 million people in America are still sick with Post Covid syndrome. I’m left to feel like it’s my fault..I’m to blame. Because I “didn’t take care of myself.” Would you say that to someone with cancer? Or fibromyalgia? Or heart problems? Or Alzheimer’s? Or diabetes? Or any other illness? The stigma I’m (and we are) facing is unreal. People don’t believe me when I say “I still can’t taste and smell” and that I’m chronically ill now. “You don’t look sick”. “It’s because you party too much”. “you’re getting older” “it’s all those long nights you work on your feet”. I’ve heard it all. “But I see you at the bar working”. I have to work. There is no disability, go fund me, or assistance. I have to pay my rent. On my own. So I need to work. But just because you see me, at work, doesn’t mean I’m well. It just means I’m pushing myself to stay alive. It’s been true torture working through all this. I mourn and grieve for weeks and months at a time. It hasn’t stopped. It took me a long time, to accept that this is not going away anytime soon.

And my heart is broken. I feel left out in the rain. By our leaders, scientists, doctors, friends I thought I had. There is no community support. Even if someone believes you’re sick. No funding/fundraisers for LC. There is no cure, no pill, no treatment, no progress in finding treatment or biomarkers in the body to be able to even test for LC. The unpredictability of it. The symptoms. It’s really been torturous. Torture. A true nightmare. Having to sit in the shower so I don’t fall. Or hit my head (again) Doubling heart rate just upon standing. I get winded just talking and singing karaoke. I forget everything now. I slur my speech, sober. Tremors like Parkinsonism. My memory loss and constant issues feel like dementia-brain fog. I forget how to spell now. my hands turn purple red and blue when I step out of the shower. Migraines that last for months. Months. I take Tylenol like it’s medication. Neuropathy, nerve pain, nerve itches, tingling and numbness. My body temperature can’t regulate, so I often am cold and hot simultaneously. How do you remedy that? The discomfort and distress I feel is unbearable. Loosing clumps of hair. My hair is greying more and more rapidly post covid. Brittle nails. Skin issues. Digestive issues. Eye problems. Cognitive difficulties. Joint pain. Muscle pain. Muscle atrophy. Weakness. Severe severe fatigue. Almost like you worked out at the gym, full body then took a benadryl. Every. Fucking. Day. I’m tired of being so fucking tired. Before Covid, people would always have to tell me to slow down. Working full time, school, internships, photography, going to the gym full time. I always took on so much. I had so much energy and drive. It was a fire in me.

Now it’s gone. A piece of me has died, undoubtedly. And I question everything now. Most days I’m afraid to leave my house. And don’t. Unless it’s to work. If I do leave my house, it’s because I’m pushing myself, and I’m not well. My anxiety and depression are much worse. Chronic illness has also taken its toll on my mental health. It’s been draining trying to keep up with the world. I feel left behind. I’m not only mourning my health, and my abilities, but my passion in life, the one thing I worked so hard for. My future. And Photography. What do I do, if I can’t create anymore? What purpose do I have?

No one believes me, or think LC exists. And if I don’t “show up”, it’s because “she’s a flake”. I’m in such a dark place you may never understand. How do I navigate this life? Being sick every day.

[lilac-den]

Perhaps it was a dream. A dream that proved it's all too much to take on.

You woke up hurt. Feeling your bones and blood cried as if they're screaming when you tried to recover from the ground.

You're not sure what happened. But you felt like a lost soul trapped in a body that may not have been yours in the first place.

And so, you wander.

You left your chamber. You began to stroll mindlessly.

There's no one here at the moment. Just a few guards. But that shouldn't be a problem, the wind magic will carry you past them like a cold breeze too strong to handle.

And so, you kept on walking.

That's when you saw him.

And you felt your heart numbing.

—

He left his study in the castle by the time of midnight.

A few guards greeted him as he passed them, so he walked faster.

It wouldn't be annoying if he hadn't learned beforehand that at least twice out of every 10 guards would be out to get him.

Luckily nothing happened tonight. They're being careful. And so is he.

For now, two can play a game.

Until he saw her.

"Wanderer?" Maverick muttered as he approached the pale figure in a turquoise gown embroidered with faint details. "What are you doing here?"

She didn't answer, just looked at him. Or rather, somewhere on him.

He followed her gaze to his fingers. There was a small cut on them from the paper edge.

"Oh?" Not sure why, but he explained. "It's just a small cut. Don't worry."

The wanderer still wouldn't meet his eyes.

Maverick lifted the fingers of his left arm up. And just as he thought, she looked up too.

And he witnessed something that instantly teared him.

"What happened?" His tone were harsh, with worries.

She looked like someone with no attachment to life at all.

The Wanderer, is losing herself. He could feel it.

"Come on, we should...!"

Maverick couldn't move at all, as he watched. Her pale lips were pressed on those cuts. So careful, hesitantly. Like she meant to do so years ago.

"There," She smiled at him. "Now you wouldn't be hurt, Rick."

——I'm here, Rick. I'm right here.

"Your lord?"

Maverick snapped back from the sudden memories, and to his surprise, the Wanderer looked normal. Like a living person, as she should be.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

Something's not right. He figured it immediately. Something's definitely not right about the Wanderer.

And it has to do with him.

"Nothing." Maverick was lying. He didn't want to. But he couldn't help it. "Just happened to be here."

He watched as her eyebrows furrowed. "Okay...?"

"Come on. I'll take you home."

"I'm capable of taking care myself..."

Maverick turned around, perhaps a little too quickly, which was why the Wanderer slammed into his chest, and why he trapped her small frame inside of him.

He could feel her getting flustered.

"My lord, I'm so sorry——"

"Rick." He demanded.

"Pardon?"

"Call me Rick. Please."

Stop calling me as my lord. Not when we're so closed. In those dreams.

"Rick...?"

Maverick smiled. He's not sure why. But he's satisfied.

For now, those dreams can fucked off.

The Wanderer's here now. With him. Not the guy with a face almost identical to him.

He pressed a kiss to her neck. And smirked as he felt her skin warmed.

"Good girl."

——

Been thinking Maverick so here's a second snippet since last! Hope I'm not being OOC, but I do feel like Maverick would get jealous of his past self lol.

Thank you for sharing more of your lovely snippets! :3

And Maverick jealous of his past life's self...Who can say~ XD

Again, thank you for sharing your snippet! :D and ur love for the noble ice man!

[ivy-diaries]

⋮  — ⧉ . . viewing 30 questions in 3 minutes . . . . .

"Hi I'm Ivy and I'm here with buzzfeed to answer 30 questions in 3 minutes !!"

"But like before we begin, if i don't answer it in the given time, do I like get a punishment or something like that ??"

Laughing, the staff shook their head no, she softly laughed, opening the paper the questions were on.

1. "Texting or talking?"

"Both ?? I don't know, I prefer both to be very honest but i dont quite like it when people call me unannounced."

2. "best pickup line you've ever received?"

"Usually i don't get impressed with pick up lines so its really hard to impress me with them but this one truly impressed me. My boyfriend was the one who said it to me on a random night when we were competing to see whos got the better pickup lines because of course we are haha it went something like 'i dont like pickup lines because im not here to pick you up, im here to pin you down' and i went feral haha"

3. "worst pickup line you've got ?"

"No offense but it's got to be 'did it hurt when you fell from the vending machine because youre a snack' its over used im sorry"

4. "Describe your personality in 5 words"

"Funny, creative, day dreamer, perfectionist and kind i guess"

5. "a movie that made you cry?"

"It's not a movie but I cried watching the short film 'elephant whisperers' it won the Oscar too! "

6. "Who's the one artist you wanna collab with ?"

"There are soo many people I wanna collab with, making me choose one person is hard, I'll go with my role model, taylor swift "

7. "Who would play you in the movie of your life ?"

"Myself if possible or maybe Zendaya or Sadie Sink "

8. "Most used emoji ?"

"the cute face one"

9. "if your house is on fire, what are the three things you'd grab ?"

" Okay I hope it never happens but i can't say I haven't thought about this before, and the things are, my dogs, my gadgets and my wallet"

10. " ideal first date"

"museum date because thats here my boyfriendand i went for ours" she smiled.

11. "Last song you listened to?"

"You're on your own kid by Taylorswift" she said taking her phone out to check.

12. "First thing you'd do if you woke up as a guy?"

"Check myself out? I don't know i haven't really thought about it "

13. "Are you single ?"

"Nope, happy in a relationship of almost seven years " she said smiling at the thought of her boyfriend.

14. "Favorite ice cream flavor?"

"I don't know if many people know this but there's this flavor called vanilla elderflower and it tastes like heaven"

15. "Phone lockscreen and homescreen wallpaper ?"

" My lockscreen is a picture of my two doggies and my homescreen is my boyfriend!"

16. "How often do you wash your bedsheets ??"

"I wash them twice a week !! Stay hygienic people !!"

17. "Mom or dad?"

" nope im not answering that"

18. "Most priced possession ?"

"My dogs "

19. "have you done anything illegal?"

"Nope and never will"

20. "your favorite body part of yourself?"

"Umm maybe my eyes?"

21. "Favorite movie character?"

"Probably peter parker yea"

22. "Best advice you've ever received?

"I get a lot of advice day to day from a lot of people and its really hard to just pin point one thing but it probably has to be from my mother 'there's always a better tomorrow' "

23. "Favorite YouTube channel?"

"Hmm probably Stephanie soo because I usually hear her cover true crime cases when I'm preparing dinner or I would probably say mine haha"

24. "A song that always puts you on a good mood ?"

" no matter how low I'm feeling BTS's permission to dance puts me on a good mood!! Other than that, straykids' cheese, tomorrow by together's no rules, there's a lot"

25. "If you could live in only one place for the rest of your life, where would it be ?"

"France for sure but probably like the countryside, I'd probably take my family and friends with me "

26. "A friend that would pick up your call anytime?"

"I'd say the anybody from straykids would pick up if I called"

27. " your most favorite memory?"

"hmm probably when i debuted or when my song hit no.1 on Billboard "

28. " What did you have for breakfast?"

"I had cereal for breakfast "

29. " Favorite hair color?"

" blonde but I wanna try red "

30. " a song you listen to when you're sad?"

"Bang chan's hate to admit or limbo by Lee Know!! Those just break my heart "

"Wait we're done ?? Omg I finished it yayy!!!! Haha"

"And that was me with buzfeed doing the 30 questions in 3 minutes challenge !! Byee!!!"

[dzpenumbra]

5/27/23

I'm officially angry with my upstairs neighbors. And I honestly don't know what to do about it.

I got to sleep around 6 or 7 AM. I was woken up at fucking 9. Some kind of hammering or pounding on the wall right next to my bed, on the floor above me. It went on for like 30 minutes, at least. Long enough for me to give up on falling back asleep. Then I got sucked into an internet black hole for like 2 hours... then I went downstairs, made some cereal and ate it while watching skate videos. Then I got ready to go back to sleep, and picked out a binaural beat thing because that actually does help me fall asleep really well, especially for daytime naps, which I've always struggled with. The second I put the video on... they started pounding again. Not even exaggerating, it's fucking comical. I had to straight-up restrain myself from yelling. Really really bad fucking timing. And I could hear it plain as day with the noise cancelling and the audio in the headphones too. After a bit, they stopped long enough for me to fall asleep.

I shit you not... get ready for this... I woke up at like 3:30... on a Friday afternoon... to the sounds of them screaming while having sex. So loud that I could hear it over the noise cancelling, so loud that it fucking woke me up.

And... I'm just gonna get personal here, because... that's what journals do... I have some sexual-related traumas, and I have PTSD. And... though it's definitely not the dominant theme of my PTSD shit, it definitely sets off some really difficult shit for me. So... sex-related things can be a bit complicated for me, and waking up to that... it's really hard to put into words how unsettling that is. And, honestly... now that I'm thinking about it... I really feel for anyone who has young kids who lives in my apartment building. Like... that would be really fucked up for a young kid to hear that at 3:30 on a Friday afternoon.

And I'm once again in this position where... I'm getting thousands of reflexes pushing back against me right now. Years of training. "Do not complain. Do not be an asshole about this. Don't be that guy." Saying "something you're doing is causing severe disruption to my daily life" is me being an asshole. Saying "please don't vacuum at 4 AM the day before Easter" is me being an asshole. Saying "please let me know before you do building maintenance on an adjacent wall, especially in the AM hours" is me being an asshole. Saying "please don't hammer on the walls at 9AM on a Friday morning" is me being an asshole. Me saying "please don't blast action movies 6 feet above my bed at 10 AM when I go to bed at 5" is me being not just an asshole, but a dysfunctional member of society on a backwards life schedule. This is the narrative that has been trained into my head, and reinforced over the course of years... possibly my entire life. Likely my entire life.

I just...suck it up. And on good months, I find some way to... tap into compassion. Like my sloppy reflexive take on the Buddhist monk approach. "They have a right to their lives too." "They don't know they're upsetting me." "I can just sleep later." "I'm the one with the weird schedule that I can't fix."

I dealt with this same shit at my last house with my landlord fucking mowing my lawn outside my window, like literally a foot away from my head... twice a week... starting as soon as fucking possible. He mowed that grass so fucking much that it was all dirt in the corners around the fence from him over-mowing. And I told my landlords multiple times "I work nights, I sleep in, please mow the lawn after noon." But it was nearly always around 10 or 11, and never on predictable days... just whenever the dude felt like it. And it would take all day. And it would rile my dog up and get her barking, so I'd have to chill her out and hang out with her, on like 5 hours of sleep... and that just became my life until the snow started falling again. I even offered to mow the entire lawn for them - they were retired and lived in a building on the same property - if they gave me a little deal on my rent, and they flat-out refused to even talk about it.

I genuinely don't know what to do. I feel like sleep disturbance is probably the most significant factor in my difficulty functioning in society and my difficulty in managing my mental health. And... I'm writing this at 4:30 AM.

I don't know what to do anymore.

I love the peace of these hours so much. I love the creative flow I get at this time. Plus... I just keep gravitating back to this schedule. I can't fucking help it, it just keeps happening. And it's been happening for like... half my life. What the fuck do I do about it? Do I write an email to my building manager, ask for a meeting and just chat with her about the problems I'm having and see what she suggests? Do I try to find out what room is right above me and leave them a note saying, "Hi, I live below you, you have really loud sex and I can hear all the screams and (no offense) I really don't want to hear that. I also would really appreciate it if you could keep it down a little bit in the AM hours, because I work nights. I'm assuming you don't know how loud you are because you don't have an upstairs neighbor, it's not the end of the world, but it's fucking with my sleep a lot so... if you don't mind keeping it down a bit I'd really appreciate it." Do I go with my plan of playing recordings of babies crying through a bluetooth speaker pressed directly against their floor while they're having sex? Do I find those noise machines that make annoying sounds that only young people can hear, and play that when they're making noise in the morning until they leave? I just... I don't know what to do.

I mentioned in therapy about my brainstorming on this here a few days ago. I struggle confronting people. Because it has gone so fucking horribly, traumatically wrong for me, so often. And not by fault of my own, by the way. That's the fucked up part that I'm really starting to wake up to.

God, okay... let's go down this memory road, because it's a super important one for me to remember. I was at the retreat place... trying to get off of meds that I was stuck on for what ended up being mental health misdiagnoses... living with about 10 people in their very early 20's. We were at a workshop with the eccentric founder, who was also the head of the Psych department at a local university. She was actually pretty cool, just... pretty out of touch with people like me, struggled to relate and communicate with me. She was running a workshop she called "The Shame Game"... where we all go around the circle and write a moment when we felt most ashamed, then we share it with the group, and hear what others think of it. I think it's a genius idea, and the fact that I'm referring back to it years later is pretty clear proof that it really is helpful for the right people. But it's a big step for people who aren't really... there yet.

For me, I wrote a moment that - at the time - happened pretty recently. This is probably not going to make any sense when I tell it, but I swear it's exactly how it went down. Let me get some ice cream first, so I can get through this, this one's a bit rough for me.

Alright, so it was Summer 2019 and I was well into my return to smoking weed and reconnecting with being an artist after my breakup and first experiences with death. I had been going out to the stream on my property every day with my dog, rearranging rocks to make the stream into a sculpted Zen Garden. I saw a standing dead tree trunk out there, about 4 feet tall. I was inspired to chop it down and make a bench out of it. I had no idea how, I was just going to figure it out as I went along. I called up my mom and floated the idea, because my hatchet and axe were over in her garage - along with the majority of my possessions. See... I used to live above that garage for about... 7 years? And I was assured that it was okay for me to move in at my own pace, and having my stuff there wasn't a problem. I felt some pushback from her on the tree trunk idea, and I have no idea... why? Or... why that was really any of her business? Like... I wasn't asking her permission, I was sharing an idea hoping for something like "wow, that's a cool idea" and just like... being respectful to let her know that I was planning on coming over (I lived 5 miles away) and getting my shit from her property, so she wasn't caught off-guard. I don't remember that conversation going poorly, but in the years since, she recalled it as very clearly telling me "no". ... As though she... has a right to keep my personal possessions away from me... her (at the time) 32 year old son... because she thinks I'm having a mental breakdown or something? That was the fucking paranoid narrative going around in that house. All because I was smoking pot and grieving a lot of losses alone, and reconnecting with art and spirituality.

But I digress... I... thought we were on good terms. I remember clearly, I was wearing a bandana and sunglasses, a white wife-beater with a big rainbow peace sign from the band Parkway Drive, camo shorts, barefoot. And I had my dog with me, with her bandana on as well. I got her in the car and we went over to get either the axe that I had used to hand-chop down a tree on my parents' property years prior... or my hatchet that I had since Junior year of high school. The hatchet I took on my 3-day thru-hike with me. The hatchet that had a ton of sentimental value to me. I pull in the driveway and my dog has her head out the window, because you know... she's a dog... And my parents are on the front porch. My mom's dog comes charging across the driveway at my parked car and the dogs start barking at each other. Her dog started to jump up on my car. See, despite these two dogs being around the same age, and very similar personalities... my mom outright aggressively refused to introduce the two. Despite my poor girl not having any dog friends, and being super sweet and social. And my mom's dog was a really nice girl too, who also had no friends. But my mom was fed some weird rhetoric like 20+ years ago that female dogs will fight to the death? And you never have female dogs around each other. And... I tried to disprove this to my mom. I tried to show her examples. My girl's first best friend was a big 2 year old mutt named Luna, they were wild, they played rough, but they would like... cuddle up together. There was never aggression, they were always overjoyed to see each other.

So... I'm guessing that panic primed the interaction. My mom came racing off the porch. I had already pulled her dog away from my car and closed the window on that side. There was no issue at all with the dogs and I took care of it swiftly and without incident. My mom starts freaking out on me. She started acting like I had done something wrong. Which, I'm now realizing like 4 years later is like... blatant reflexive gaslighting. Like, obvious. She's ashamed of how her dog reacted, so she makes me the bad guy. But that shit... it escalated quickly. And it got even worse when my dad came over and backed her up. I'm standing in her driveway, barefoot, and they're just like "what do you want? why are you here?" And I keep repeating, "I'm just here for my axe and my hatchet. I told you I was coming over. Are they in the garage? Are they in the barn?" And my mom starts telling me I can't have them. I remind her that they are my property... and she is simply storing them... and she can't really like... tell me I can't have access to my own tools... She doubles down. This escalated to them threatening to call the cops on me for trespassing if I didn't leave. And I still don't even fucking know why. Like... it's got to be panic. It's still so surreal looking back and going... "yeah, that actually happened."

They freaked out and went inside. I gave up on the axe and went into the garage and looked around for my hatchet in the last spot I remember it being. I couldn't find it. In fact, the area where all the tools had been was just... gone. I went upstairs where all my shit was stored and... it was a fucking warzone. She had gotten construction done on that building while all my shit was still there. There was drywall dust and spackle and paint and shit all over my stuff. My fucking college degree was bent and covered in drywall dust. I took fucking photos, it was so appalling that I was worried I might need them for a court case or something. Half of my tattooing supplies were ruined. I told my mom I was using this opportunity (since I was there) to organize my shit and get it the hell out of there ASAP. That if she was going to try to control and regulate my access to my own fucking possessions? And after seeing how horribly my shit was treated? I was getting my shit out of there as quickly as possible. And as I sorted important stuff very quickly, still in my search for the hatchet... I found some sentimental stuff from the past. And I... like a fucking crow with an abusive owner or something... brought sentimental things over to her back door and left them outside, as an offering. A reminder of who the person she was treating like this really was. Trying to elicit any fucking conscience or soul I could, through memory, to snap her the fuck out of whatever was going on. And... that was when I had the moment that... was my shame. Yes, I actually do remember why I was telling this story! XD The Shame Game...

I had the pile of offerings by the door. And my mom came over to the glass door and yelled at me to leave. And I tried one last time to beg her to reconsider. And my dad came over and backed her up. And she threatened to call the cops on me again. And I offered to do it for her. I offered to fucking do it for her. And I pulled out my phone and had the police station number stored in my phone and scrolled the phonebook to that number and had no fucking hesitation to do it if they threatened again. And... honestly? Maybe I should've called. Maybe I should've had a witness to that shit, and they'd have to explain how they were trying to call the cops on their 30 year old hippie son for "trespassing" when trying to reclaim tools for an art project. When he's a fucking artist, with a mangled degree in art.

I just want to note, for myself... I am trembling right now. It's not me being cold, it's not me being overtired... though those are factors... it's me reliving abuse. And it sucks. It's a unique feeling. Shaky, trembly, weak, tense. Yeah. Sucks.

But we're not quite to the part I was telling this whole story for yet. So... I didn't call the cops. And... my little brother appears behind my parents. And starts screaming at me to get off their property. I can see it in my head like a fucking nightmare, so vivid. The three of them silhouetted behind the glass door, screaming at me like chimpanzees behind the glass in a zoo exhibit. Very primal. And I... I broke. And I spat on the fucking glass, left the offerings for nature to take them, got whatever I could salvage and left.

And that was my shame. That I spat on the glass. That I let all three of them break me. I had a moment of weakness, and I did something petty. Out of aggression. Out of spite. Out of retaliation. And I'm better than that. I'm fucking better than that.

Can you see how strongly I feel about this?

But the point of all this was... when I told that story to my group... not only was there not a single jaw that hadn't hit the fucking floor... but people in the group were actually a bit upset with me because... because of how tame that was. Because no one could actually see themselves reacting that tamely in that situation. Like 10 people, all from different backgrounds, some very passive personalities, some more outburst-y... all unanimous that... I really didn't need to carry that shame.

But I do. And it showed me just how fucking important perspective can be. Especially for someone who grew up in or has spent a substantial amount of time in a manipulative, controlling and/or abusive environment.

So... now that you know that story... a little taste of my upbringing... Now you know what my brain thinks it's going to get as a reaction to spitting on a window and storming off. Imagine what my brain thinks is going to happen with... direct confrontation with a stranger.

You ready for a fucked up formula? The PTSD spiral? My trauma is set off by these people fucking up my sleep. And it gets to the point of crippling my entire life if left unchecked. How do I address it? Communication, right? Which... in this case... is almost exclusively confrontation. Confronting disruptive behaviors. And my ability to confront... is affected by how severely agitated my PTSD is. So... the more I need to confront people, the more my primal threat detection systems shut me down, the more I self-sabotage and find ways to talk myself out of confrontation. To protect me from blame, to protect me from shame, to protect me from harm. Be it physical (threat to housing stability, living near a known enemy), psychological (the way I think) or spiritual (the way I feel). My survival instincts will very quickly start to paint any narrative they can to keep me from confronting others and thus putting myself in harm's way - and lucky me... I've been fed plenty of easily believable self-protective (self-blaming/self-destructive) narratives my entire life, taught to me by my gaslighting family and toxic past relationships.

<heavy sigh>

Welp... it's 5:30 now. XD

It's exhausting living like this. And, in a fucking weird way... I envy the people who live above me. How simple and carefree their life must be!

But I have to remember... as much pain as I've suffered, as much as I have never deserved any of what I've been through. I've grown so much because of it. I am so fucking strong because of it. In so many ways, I am not a victim any more. I am a survivor. And though the war may be over... for now... I still carry habits, and I need to learn how to navigate things like this. Specifically confrontation and setting boundaries. And the only way to learn is to practice.

I'm just upset that I've been begging for help with this for years... just someone to go with me and hold my hand, or proofread shit, or something. And... that person just doesn't exist. And I don't think I've ever met anyone (except maybe my little brother) who needs help with that more than me.

Alright, enough of that for now. That was very intense.

I spent a huge chunk of the evening inking the skull. It looks so fucking cool. I know I had my doubts and shit, I always do... but... this is really sick. I, with my obsession for clean forms and details, decided to start inking with a wooden skewer instead of my tiny detail paintbrush. It allowed me more precision. So I spent most of the night dipping a wooden kebab skewer into Kuro Sumi outlining ink and inking an abstract design onto a goat skull. And the ink from last night did not bleed or smudge. It dried on it really well, actually. So I went buck wild with it, and I got... probably 2/3 of the abstract design that I penciled done. The ink flows incredibly well on bone, it's hard to really explain. I'm glad I polished it first. It feels like plastic, very smooth application which lets you make really smooth lines and fill areas really quickly. But unlike plastic, it's naturally porous, so a lot of the ink actually does subtle absorb into the bone. I enjoyed the process and look forward to working on it tomorrow! I'll most likely share the final product on here.

Since it's already 5:30, let's just go whole hog tonight and do tarot too. Fuck it. It's not like I have anything to get up for tomorrow, and there's like an 80% chance I'm just going to be woken up in a few hours anyway. Same spread as always.

First Position - Past - Two of Wands (Planning, scrutiny, taking risks and moving a plan forward.  The active force needed to put a plan into motion.) Second Position - Present - Ace of Swords, inverted (Intellect, apply logic and reason, Clarity and focus of mind.) Third Position - Future - I: The Magician (Balance between conscious and subconscious, unity between spirit and matter.  Indicates a period of ability to manifest will.)

Alright. So we're starting with a period from my past... a thread that originates in my ambition, determination and planning. This led to... present situations where logic and reason are actually causing dysfunction. Or... something's out of whack with my clarity and focus? Like my plans aren't coming to fruition because of a disruption in the Ace of Swords symbol in the Present. And... if that thread continues... there will continue to be a disruption in my equilibrium as a well-balanced person. Disrupting my ability to become the ideal version of what I strive to be.

I mean... it's a pretty simple message, really, right? My planning... through the lens of skewed focus and logic... leads to me not being able to manifest great things. And that logic skew is mostly surrounding shitty experiences and false lessons taught to me. Like some of the shit I talked about tonight. And... I'm actively working on that. So, that's good!

Cool, welp, that makes sense. Alright. Off to bed for me. Wish me luck. I'm bringing the headphones upstairs with me this time. Maybe when those fuckers inevitably make noise, I can just pop the earbuds in and roll over. Fingers crossed.

But on a brighter closing note? The skull is coming along really well. I'm excited to share progress once I get to a comfortable stopping place.

[despair-to-future-arcs]

Fuck Zofia!

She doesn't and I feel that is an issue with her; she is a fatalist and often believes in fate of her role, it's a hard mindset to crap...

But it does get better, so don't worry, anyway Nagi onto the next clip.

Right, here we go - time for the week after...

*CLICK*

[08/28/17]

CHIAKI: Welcome again, Sonia - I take it you've been well?

Why yes, I have been; I'm sure you are aware that Byakuya has come back to us and soon Teruteru should return as well!

Oh wait, I mean the Ultimate Imposter... I nearly forgot that this isn't the actual Byakuya, apologies, I do hope they change their name so it isn't as confusing.

CHIAKI: It's fine, it's an understandable mistake as you met the Ultimate Imposter who was disguise as Byakuya, so I don't think your at fault for that. Now back to what we talk about last week, you mention that people assume that you would be like Zofia, correct?

Yes, I've... had my people I am going to be like my ancestors and even why I was kidnapped as well.

CHIAKI: Wait, so that's why you were kidnapped twice?

Indeed, I will admit the first time it happen when I was 10 years old but the second time happen when I was going to be coronated as the next queen.

But unlike last time, I wasn't scared and stood my ground from the kidnappers!

...

...

...

Date: October 15th, 2009

*Sonia finds herself in a dark room...*

*Sonia woke up* Wh-What...? Where am I?

???: Hmph, seems your awaken - good, morning Zofia...

Zo-Zofia?! What are you...!

Man: *pulls a knife at her neck* One word out of your mouth and your tongue comes off, got it?!

... (Looks like I was kidnapped before I was crowned queen; this is quite scary and my parents must be worried but I know I must not show any fear...)

MAN: Good, at least you kept quiet this time you better stay that way, I was order to kill you so better be prepare...

...Fine, but remember you don't scare me.

MAN: The fuck? Bitch, do you have any idea of the situation your in?!

Of course I do, after all - as the future queen, I know that if my people see me sad would surely trouble them and I know rescue will come.

MAN: Hmph, you sure seem damn arrogant to think that, you know that bravado is gonna get you killed.

No but I am certain rescue will arrive, I have faith in my family.

'I won't deny it... I was scared, frighten even of the situation I was in but I know that I must not show any fear and about a day later, they arrive...'

Date: October 16th, 2009

*CRASH!*

NATASHA: So-Sonia? Sonia where are you?!

MIRIKO: SOOOONIA, WE CAME TO RESCUE YOU!

GUARD: Your highness, will deal with this! Come out and let go of Princess Sonia!

Mother and Father, they came to save me!

MAN: Fuck, they came damnit - I thought I would have you killed by now!

Well too bad, they have and now you can't get away, your surrounded!

MOTHER! FATHER! I'M HERE AND THE MAN THAT KIDNAP ME IS HERE TOO!

MAN: *Puts a gag on Sonia* SHUT UP YOU BITCH, ONE WORD OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND I'LL-!

*BANG!*

*The Man stop as a bullet shot by him and there stood Sonia's mother with a gun*

You fool... how dare you take my daughter and kidnap her? You have dare cross the queen, now unless you value your life - I recommend you step aside...NOW!

MAN: ...Shit, Then I'll make sure she doesn't live to see another day you bi-!

*As then Miriko rush over and slammed him on the ground*

Threaten my daughter and the your arms get broken, Natasha - you along with the others get Sonia out of here!

Right dear... *rush over and unties Sonia*

Mo-Mother, oh thank goodness you came!

*gets up and hugs her mother* I was scared and worried, I try to hold strong that you'll save me, thank you so much for coming!

It's fine Sonia, I'm just... I'm happy to see your alive...

Now let's leave while men, take care of this kidnapper and be sure to check if there's anyone else around that could pose a threat.

GUARD: Of course your highness.

... (Thank goodness, I'm safe and this happen before I became queen; I wonder if more like this will happen or if it's fated...)

'I had wonder if this kidnapping was fate, the man kept calling me Zofia; so I figure people were after me but my parents assure me that isn't the case but I doubt it...'

[jodilin65]

Woke up very tired today and tried to tell myself it was no big deal, I expected it, and yesterday’s energy was something I had just once in a while. But it is a big deal and it does bother me. I want to be out there living my life. Not stuck at home so much of the time suffering or at least not having energy. I sit and think to myself, I remember the days when I could be outdoors most of the time and I could be active doing things on a regular basis, even if “active” didn’t necessarily mean running a mile a minute.

And then I also found, upon waking up, that the dreaded UTI I feared I would get had flourished overnight. I began noticing more burning a couple of days ago but today has been the most obvious. I’m 95% sure it is a UTI. That other small percentage wonders if it could be because I took a few days off of the Replens and the probiotics. Seems a bit extreme for that, though, so I’m still going with a UTI. I’ve been drinking cranberry juice and I messaged Rhonda. I told her I had 4 nitrofurantoin pills left over from when they switched me to something for my kidney infection and that I could start treatment tonight and asked if she could call in 6 more to make it the 10 they usually prescribe.

I’ve had an underlying feeling of nausea all day, but since my number twos started back up again it’s been a little better.

There I was doing better overall and now I get hit with the virus and then the UTI. My next concern is a yeast infection. I just can’t get a break! Irrational or not, I sometimes can’t help the feeling that something is using my body against me since it hasn’t been able to use other things to fuck with me as easily as it used to. Imagine that kind of control and power - hate someone enough to want to pick on them and make their body do whatever you want it to do to torture them. I really hope to hell there’s nothing up there that evil!

In neighborhood news, the honker took the motorcycle out while I slept, and didn’t wake me up. Still, I wish his company would get the fuck out already so he wouldn’t ride the thing every day. Furthermore, I wish they would stop coming to visit every single year. My parents left Massachusetts five years before I did and I was only down here twice. Never came here from the West and of course, there was that decade when I wouldn’t have anything to do with them.

Then there’s Linda, the bitch I’ve dubbed a Little Miss Be Happy. I noticed a bench sitting out front for tomorrow’s pick up and I thought why not grab it to put in back? So I walked up to her door which was open and saw she had three other ladies sitting around her kitchen table. They told me to come in, and I’m not sure if she looked horrified to see who it was or what, but I introduced myself as if we’d never met, played kind and dumb, and asked her about the bench. She warned me it wasn’t safe to sit on and she was right. Tom and I checked it out and saw it was old and flimsy. I’m sure she badmouthed me to her little friends after I left too, not that I give a shit.

I later thanked the “lady” in the group for warning me that it was rickety and that I didn’t get names because she had company and I didn’t want to intrude. Of course she never responded, lol, but a couple of others did, saying they would keep looking, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they were the ones at her house at the time.

I know it’s mean and perhaps immature as well but sometimes even I like to play with people a little. I guess the prankster in me can’t ever be fully extinguished. When I read back on some of my earlier journals, I see I really did do a lot of silly and immature things. I’m sure we all feel that way when we look back on our pasts at times. Just the way I took Nane so seriously was kind of ridiculous.

Tom and I were talking about the West Coast versus the East Coast and we both agreed that while we have met some horrible people on both coasts as well as some that were great, the West Coast was definitely friendlier in general. When I compare our neighbors here to the ones we had in Cali even though I was out and about more back there, even crazy Dixie was friendlier. Other than Toni and Irma, and then Sue and Annette from Bingo, everyone around us is pretty antisocial or just not very friendly. Most of them are a bunch of Bible-thumping bigots with big mouths. No one here compares to the “Twenties” or Bob and Virginia. Even Geri across the street was nice with the exception of her letting her dog bark. Jim and “Santa” were nice too. I don’t miss California, though. Just having some breathing room around us and a bigger house.

I like to play around with different apps and try new things. Most of them I end up dumping but the dream app I’m trying is kind of cool. You write down what you dreamed and you can generate an image based on whatever you dreamed to go with it, then it interprets your dream.

[leftisraeli]

🇵🇸🇮🇱Can we talk?🇮🇱🇵🇸

Icon/header credit

I am a person who is trying very hard to learn and grow and understand everything around me.

I live in Israel, and I'm tired of seeing the dehumanization and demonization of Arabs and Palestinians.

I am Jewish, and it baffles me that people are so easily forgetting that whoever saves a life saves a world entire. Taking a life is taking a world entire.

I moved from the USA to enlist in the IDF. I am able to look back on my past and look at how much propaganda I was bathed in to get me to that point. I served in a technical role and was released in 2020 after a full 2 years of service. I considered myself liberal beforehand and similar afterwards. My motives for enlisting are complex, but ultimately not politically motivated. All of this considered, I don't regret my service. I'll happily take questions about it.

I've been on Tumblr for over 10 years now. I've tried to stay away from the Disk Horse™, especially in the last few years. It's very USA centric and it's been a while since I've lived there. Since October 7th 2023 however, lots of people are very eager to express their strong opinions on things that are happening in my near vicinity. December 18th, day 70 something of the war and I feel ready to join the conversation.

After reading a BBC article the other week about Israelis in a group called Road to Recovery, I immediately went to their website to sign up. They volunteer to take sick Palestinians from border checkpoints to hospitals and back. I have free gas with my work, and I'm hoping to start helping them out when I get the chance.

I have a friend in Gaza that I met early 2023. He's 65, we met while he was a contractor at my work. He's a grandfather. Speaking with him, years after moving to Israel, was my first time speaking face to face with someone from Gaza. His stories at times broke my heart and at other times warmed them. I have been thinking ever since then about how different things could be if there was more honest communication. We've kept in touch since then, and today (Dec. 18) I had the relief of having him answer my messages after a few days of no communications. I've paid for his Israeli sim card twice. It's the most direct thing I can do at the moment.

I woke up on October 7th at 6:29 to extremely unexpected sirens. I'm so lucky that I don't know anyone (to my knowledge) that was killed in the Nova massacre or in the kibbutzim. I have a lot of people in my life who unfortunately did lose friends and family. I understand their rage and their grief. I did help out one of the hostage's mothers, and he's still in Gaza. He was at the Nova rave. The government is largely ignoring her (and the rest of the hostage families) in their goals of "destroying Hamas". I've read some of the stories about the released children. It's really bad.

I read online every day about the horrendous numbers of dead in Gaza. Thinking about the children, the elderly, the women, the men, everyone. I can't even wrap my head around it. Everyone here is so wrapped up in vengeance and a sense of righteousness that a good amount of people have convinced themselves that it's just a natural part of war. It makes me want to puke.

I have a friend who was in the army with me, she lives in one of the oldest West Bank settlements. She was born there. Her family is Ukrainian and Russian and not even Jewish. When I hear those calling for the expulsion of all the settlers on platforms like these, I think about how Tumblr would deal with her. Her family came to Israel around the time of the fall of the Soviet Union. It was likely cheap real estate. How far back do we go to decide who deserves what? What do we do now?

I have a cousin who joined the army in August. He wanted to study chemistry instead to put off the mandatory service, but he didn't pass the tests. He's in artillery now. He was meant to be in basic training by now, but instead he's been advanced through and he's now in the field. In active warfare. He's not allowed to tell us anything (for opsec reasons) and it's so so hard to read people so callously saying that they hope that every IDF soldier that enters Gaza leaves in a body bag. Grief and rage and fear and bloodlust are running rampant.

I understand that I'm an outlier, but this is where I'm coming from.

I don't want to hurt anybody. I'm autistic and genuinely trying to interact in good faith. Just want to communicate.

[walking-loather]

LONG ramble ahead. Feel free to skip. (Also this stuff is probably a bit too personal but i dont really care tumblr is my diary and i just have to get these thoughts out)

I had my first almost completely pain free day today and... It was fucking magical. Like, I still had pain in all of the niggling areas i always do: muscle tension, joint pain.

But my nerve pain. My nerve pain! For a good while it just wasnt there. And because the pain wasnt there, the FND couldnt kick up a fuss. I felt strong. I could stand. I wasnt hurting.

When i woke up after my surgery nearly a decade ago, i was in the worst pain of my life. I was writhing and screaming and begging to die. 10 out of 10 out of 10. And over the course of my hospital stay it diminished. Went from 10 to 9 to 8. And then 8 is where it stayed. It became my new normal.

I forced my way through the first year of recovery waiting for it to get better... But it never did.

I tried to push through and not let anything hold me back. I dont know how many times i sobbed to myself quietly about how unbearable it was. I tried to take my life twice, and the pain was a significant reason why.

Eventually i got on meds that knocked it down to a 7, and a 7 is where ive been for the last 5 years. Every day.

Eventually i just kinda resigned myself to it. I couldnt think about the future because whenever i did, all i could feel was: "every moment of the rest of my life is going to feel like this". I accepted it, and i tried to move on. I found someone that i loved enough to stick around for. Someone who made living with the pain worth it.

And now, with this new cocktail of drugs... That burning pain is gone. Or at least, its no longer an electric, burning, blistering, grinding pain. Its tempered to what feels like a candle flame. And for a few rare moments here or there it goes away.

I dont know what to do with that. All of my other pain pales in comparison. They're their own little burning pains, but it doesn't feel like it matters. i can live with them.

And im finally hopeful about my future. Because for a few minutes last week i felt nothing. Blissful nothing. I was so shocked i couldnt even believe it.

When the pain came back i didnt even care or feel cheated, because all ive wanted for so long was just a few seconds pain free, and i got it. I didnt have to be drugged out of my mind (well ... Excluding the cocktail of drugs i was on). I just was. And when it was gone i wasnt upset because i knew if it could happen once, it could happen again. and i had a reason to be excited for my future; my long term future.

Im not just sticking around for other people anymore. Im sticking around for myself too. Because i deserve another five minutes without pain.

(sidenote: do i feel insanely guilty about having a break from my pain; and that its not fair; and that other people deserve it more than me; and that i shouldnt talk about it because its just rubbing it in everyones faces; and that i must have just been exaggerating the pain; and i dont deserve to even call myself disabled anymore; and that im scum; and that i should instead continue to suffer in pain because its all i know, and i dont know how to be myself without pain because its become such an integral part of who i am; and because its who ive been for near as makes no difference a decade; and that im just waiting for the other shoe to drop and somehow prove that im a fraud; and that the pain i had was never real, nor is the pain i have that the meds havent affected; and that im lying about everything; and that I dont deserve help; and that everyone in my life who has pain and hears me talk about this hates me, resents me; and that im terrified of losing the pain because it knows me intimately, and i know it, and that this severing is making me question who i am; and that the answer im getting in my head is: no one; you are no one without this.... Yeah, maybe. Maybe i am thinking that)

[lokisprettygirl]

Mystery of Laufey Manor (Loki x Female Reader) (Horror Au)

Read chapter 9 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 10

Summary : Loki have a Life changing proposition for you

You were walking on a beach, the sun had dawned leaving behind the light that you knew would die down soon too, as you reached closer to the surface of the water you saw a woman. She was standing inside the water, you couldn't see her feet as it was submerged in, you called out to her but she didn't say anything or even turned around to look at you. She had long black hair that went up to her waist, brown skin, and thin stature. You feared that she'd drown so you called out to her again, 

"Beware of the manor, it's a place where they all died, he killed them all, he'd kill you too" 

Her voice trembled as she spoke, she was crying and then she started laughing, she turned around to look at you and her whole face was burned. 

That's when you opened your eyes, just a nightmare, just a silly nightmare. You took a deep breath before you got off the bed and got ready for the day.

  "Good morning" you hugged loki from behind, he was making breakfast in the kitchen like he used to do before. Just holding him like that made you feel so warm, you can get used to this. You can definitely get used to hugging him first thing in the morning.

"Do not sneak up on me like that ever again" his voice sounded so rough, so emotionless but then he turned around and grabbed your hand to place a kiss on the back of your hand "Morning darling" 

"Sorry I just..I" you tried to apologize but he cut you off

"It's alright, did you have a good sleep?" He asked you and you nodded 

"Did you?" 

"Yeah but something is bothering me, I saw your friend Steve" your smile faltered as he said that. He saw Steve? Where? How?

"Uhhh you saw him ? Where?" 

"In the bedroom, upstairs, I woke up from my sleep and he was there, looking pale as a ghost, standing on the edge of the bed, just staring at me as if he wanted to murder me" Your mouth stayed open as you tried to process his words but then he shrugged

"Heh It must be my imagination probably or a nightmare, don't worry about it" he pulled you closer to him and gave you a hug 

"What if..what if he's dead, he wrote that note for me and I..I don't understand why he..what was he trying to say?" Loki looked at you curiously as you said that

"What was in the note if I may ask?" 

"I couldn't cope with it, tell y/n that I'm sorry, I never wanted to hurt her.. something along those lines" you placed your palms on your forehead in frustration, so he kissed the top of your head softly.

"If you don't mind, may I reveal something about your friend?" he asked you so you gave him a nod

"I saw him with a woman, the day he.. the day I came to help you at the shop, when your employee was missing, I left rather abruptly as you must remember, you know i have trouble walking and my pace is rather slow, I was one block away from here, the nearest alley around the 35th, and he was there arguing with a woman, they were talking about a child" you tried to process his words but it didn't make any sense, he broke up with his girlfriend last month like he told you, that must be her probably. She was a young brunette around your age.

"Did you see this woman? What did she look like?" You asked him and he thought about it for a second

"Pale, blue eyes, probably in her early thirties, she looked older in comparison to your friend" As soon as he said that, only one person came to your mind. Terry. 

When you both reached the shop, you showed him a picture of Terry and he told you that he saw him with her that night.

"It doesn't make any sense, they met at the shop once or twice but I ..I didn't think anything was going on between them..why won't they tell me?" Why didn't he tell you? She told you that she had a boyfriend and she was living with him.

"Maybe they weren't as close to you as you may think, I mean how many times you saw Steve in a month or a year even, and Terry was just your employee" he squeezed on your shoulder in a comforting manner

"I couldn't cope with it ..he said that..do you think he..he killed her?" Your face was devoid of any color as you asked him that. You knew Steve since you were 10, he might not be your best friend but he couldn't be a killer right? He wouldn't kill someone 

"I do not know that my darling, but they were in a heated argument about a baby, I think she was with a child, he was being really rough with her so I tried to interfere..but he.." he looked at you and then he looked away 

"He did what?" 

"He tried to stab me, you see I have hidden a truth from you, if I knew this man was so deranged I would have divulged this information that day itself, but I was afraid you wouldn't believe me, and I didn't want to create problems amongst you and your friend. But I didn't get mugged that night, I was stabbed by him because I tried to interfere" 

You took a deep breath, this totally changed everything, you were more confused now then you were before.

"I uhh Terry was already missing for two days, I went to the cops and she was alive that day? I uhh ..she could have been saved..I just..oh god" he grabbed your arms, and pulled you in for a warm embrace.

"Ssshhh my love, take a deep breath sweetheart, just relax your mind for a second alright, you're thinking too much" 

He caressed your back, his soft voice melted in your ears like honey melting into warm water

"You should have told me the truth, why did you lie to me??" 

"As I said I didn't want to create issues between you and your friend, if I knew that was your employee he was arguing with, I would have told you the truth" 

"Oh godd did he kill her? I feel so sick .so nauseous" 

"Maybe they had an affair but he didn't want to take the responsibility of her and their child" Did he get her pregnant and then killed her ?

"Should I tell Bruce, he should know this right?" You asked him and he pulled you closer to him then he kissed on your cheeks one by one

"No my love, don't let the policemen get involved in this, you're so distressed already, let's not add to that alright?"

"But they ..if we know something we should tell them right?" 

"They know he's missing, let them find him on their own and make him confess, you don't know how complicated and tiresome these cases can be, you won't even get to breathe once you get involved" he hugged you and rubbed on your back soothingly.

"I just don't feel good.. everything is such a mess" you sobbed into his arms

"I know my darling, I know, just sit down here, and take a deep breath for me" he made you sit down on the chair and he continued to caress your head with his fingers .Once you calmed down a little another thing started bothering you

"Wait I ..Mr Roy said you called them to make the payment in advance, is that true?" He looked at you and then he looked down

"I want to apologize for that, but I looked at your business book while you went to the station, you owed so much of money to so many people and I knew it was distressing you, so I called him and offered to pay him, I just wanted to lessen your burden" you looked at him shocked as he said that. 

"Well you didn't have to do that and I don't like the fact that you're lying to me even if it's for my own good, just don't lie to me please" you raised your voice a little as you got up from your chair 

"Okay I apologize, please forgive me my lady, it won't happen again i promise, please put your faith in me, I don't want this incident to change your perception of me" his eyes teared up and you could see that he was being genuine, he was just trying to protect you probably, from Steve, from the loading debt and you can't be upset about that 

"It's not ..I ..just don't lie to me" 

"I won't my darling, never again" you placed your head down on his chest and you felt his heartbeat calming you down again, the same way it did when he hugged you after you saw Terry in the storage room.

You didn't tell Bruce about whatever Loki told you, he wasn't from this country and the last thing you wanted to do was get him involved in something he didn't come here for. He took you on a fancy date that night and was a complete gentleman. Everytime he received a judgemental look from people, you hated that, so you'd comfort him and remind him that their views or what they thought of him didn't matter at all.

"So have you been in love before?" You asked him as you sipped on your wine, it was a really fancy 5 star restaurant he took you to. You would never come to a place like this on your own.

"Love? I suppose I have been, but is it really love if it fades so easily" 

He asked you and you looked at him curiously

"I.. I mean sometimes people confuse love with lust and infatuation" 

"They absolutely do, I know more about that than anybody else" 

"Really?" You asked him and he stared right into your eyes 

"So are you infatuated by me or you are in love with me darling?" His voice got so low and deep as he uttered those words, to be fair you had no idea whether you were in love with him or not, but yes you wanted to know more about him, and be around him all the time, make love to him

"I uhh.. isn't it too soon to ..I mean I feel a strong connection, I have never felt like this before, I love everything when you're around me..is it love? I don't know that..but I feel something I have never felt before, the question is do you feel the same?" He sipped on his wine as you questioned him 

"Maybe darling, maybe" 

As you both reached back to your apartment you asked him to stay, you two talked about the most profound things and something nonsensical all at once, he asked about your childhood and things you loved doing in your free time, then he went to the kitchen to make tea for you.

You really did love having him around you, he made your life seem better than it was, he had left his coat on the couch so you grabbed it and put it on, it smelled like him, it was like you were being hugged by him. You were so lost in your day dream that you didn't even realize when he came back,

"Here's your tea love, that would melt your stress away" 

You grabbed the cup from him, and he sat close to you, he looked at you as you adorned his coat, almost drowning into it. He was a tall, well built man.

"Ohh I'm sorry I'll take it off" 

"Don't bother love, it looks better on you" you giggled as you heard him

"Can I ask you something darling?" 

"Is it something sexual?" You chuckled and he nodded

"How many men have had the pleasure of bedding you as of yet" you felt your face heating up at the inquiry, Fuck you really loved this time of night with him. Just something about him teasing you mercilessly and then not giving you what you craved felt exhilarating, you were getting addicted to his ways.

"Umm would you judge me for it?" You asked nervously and he shook his head 

"I would be envious sweet thing, so so envious of those undeserving men getting to have their hands on your voluptuous body" you smiled as you took another sip of your tea even though his words fired you

"Five..five men" his eyes bored into yours and then he got up and picked you up from the couch. For a second you thought he'd have sex with you, but you knew that was a wishful thinking.

As he limped his way into your bedroom, you had already started to feel drowsy. 

"I want to make you forget about each and every one of them" oh he had no idea that he already was the only one ruling your heart and he didn't even had to fuck you to do that.

"Don't leave me again, I don't want you to leave me again" you whispered as he laid you down on the bed, you had your arms wrapped around his neck and he tried to pull away but you were holding him so tightly over you 

"I do not intend to do so, but you know I'll have to see to my business if I manage to get my investor" 

"I don't want to be lonely, loki .you make me feel so good..I love that" 

You caressed through his hair, even though he had a wig on you hoped that he was feeling your touch 

"I know..come with me darling, let me take you away from here. We can go back to my country, you'll never be lonely again, I would take care of you so good, in every way you'd want me to" 

He whispered in your ear and you felt yourself falling into a trance again, his touch, his words, his scent clouded your senses, all you wanted to do was have him wrapped around you like this all the time.

"Mmm that's so good..so lovely .just you and me..far away from here..but I can't..I can't leave the shop..this apartment,  I..it's my home" 

"Is it really though? This apartment isn't safe for you, the shop is dying and I worry of you. What if Steve comes back and tries to harm you? I would never forgive myself knowing that I could have protected my little darling but I did nothing" he placed a soft kiss on your cheeks and then he kissed her on your neck, you arched your back into him to give him more access. He knew he had found a soft spot, you bloomed everytime he placed a kiss on that soft spot on your neck 

"Mmm I ..I just..oh loki baby" 

" I want to make you my wife before I get the honour of bedding you" you looked at him as your fingers brushed over his lips. 

"You want to become my.. husband? "

"Mmmhm.. the moment I saw you, I felt that there was a passional link between your heart and mine, when you didn't get back to me after I left, I felt as though my heart was breaking more and more every moment I was away from you, you asked me if I love you? Yes I do, I'm in love with you and I want to make you so happy, let me make you happy darling, let me give you a life that you crave" Each and every word made your mind hazier than before, all you wanted to do was give into him, give him whatever he was asking you.

"Ohhh I want that baby, I want that life..I want that all but I don't want to be dependent on you..it's not mee..i" 

"You don't have to love, you can do whatever you want to in Dorset, I would support you, just imagine how blissful it would be, waking up together in each other arms every morning. Live in a house so big we could get lost in there and nobody would be able to find us ever again" 

"Ohhh" you moaned as you felt his hips buckling between your core, you could feel him, all of him. If you thought you were crazy about him before, this almost made you feral. Having him between your legs like that and still not being able to have him inside you made you feel so frustratingly good. You liked staying on the edge he was dangling you from and you loved every second of it. 

"Yess my sweet thing, I could keep you like this under me forever, touch you in the most uncouth manner, caress every inch of your skin, in all the filthy ways that you desire, whisper indecent words in your ears while I do so because I know you're such a slut for them aren't you?" You gasped as the use of degrading term, you couldn't believe the filth coming out of his decent mouth in that moment.

"For you..yes..only for you..oh yes" your voice became raspy as you moaned, your breathing got heavier, 

"I would go to the mill after we get breakfast together, then come back to you at night, we can lay right next to the fireplace as I would make you lose yourself over and over until you're a mess underneath me, until I have filled your precious quim with my seed" 

"Fuckkkk lokiii..god oh god" you bucked your hips into his to reach your high, you felt so close, so so close, all you had to do was rub against his hot bulging cock and you'd have your release but much to your dismay, he then grabbed your hips and halted your movements.

"Lokiii please baby please" you whined in desperation, tears soaked your eyes and he could see it too.

"Shhh control your desires my love, I know something is awakened inside you and you desperately want to get ruined by me and I promise I will ruin you, come with me, let me take you away from all this suffering" 

He whispered and kissed on your neck again.

"Marry me darling" 

💀💀💀💀💀💀💚💚💚💀💀💀💀💀

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[ruhorih4ra]

From Eden 💙

Synopsis: 10 years after your death you reborn in the celestial realm, becoming an angel and protector of the gardens of Eden. You tried to forget your life in the Devildom but it seems that fate has other plans for you.

It contains:

Grammar mistakes (╥﹏╥)

Gn!Mc

Same as Chapter 1.

MC's thoughts are written like this "Baahh"

Chapter 2

Raphael was fierce, his movements fast and precise. He has been the Celestial Realm’s hitman for an eternity and every blow he sent your way was proof of that.

2 minutes.

“You're not paying attention.”

He attacked you with his wings and you barely avoid him by jumping to the side, you didn't make a good landing and ended up in the floor, out of breath.

“Do you really believe you can allow yourself to think other than the fight with me?”

“No!”

You screamed, charging towards him.

3 minutes.

He cast a spell and the next thing you knew was that 20 or more spears were chasing after you. You dodged the first ten spears without a single scratch, for the next nine you used a sword, blowing them away. You knew what was coming, the last spear was the worst since it was the fastest, the strongest. You were ready to take it down when you heard Beelzebub’s voice, shouting loud and clear:

“Lilith, watch out!”

It was so desperate, so cold and full of pain that your whole body froze. You looked to the side, expecting to see the red-haired demon but there in his place was Simeon.

5 minutes.

“Simeon? Why does he look so scared?”

The last spear got through your right shoulder, thrown with such force that it sent you miles away with it still impaled in your body.

“Mc!!”

Simeon shouted, spreading his wings to get to you faster. When he knelt to check on you, you could see someone else behind him: Lilith, wearing a white dress full of blood. You blinked twiced and his image faded to show you Raphael, to your surprise he looked worried.

“I told you to go easy on them!” Simeon angrily said.

“They need to learn, they're an angel now.”

Raphael got closer and smiled, satisfied.

“Five minutes, Mc. That’s a new record!”

Your vision got blurry and you could only hear the voice of an angry Simeon, slowly vanishing.

***

You woke up in your chambers, still sore because the wound in your shoulder. Your room was in the Gardens of Eden, before becoming an angel you were just a human who lived here but when your wings started to grow, Michael decided that it was your duty to became one of the protectors.

It wasn't easy. You sighed, slowly walking through the flowers. Everything was always so sunny and peaceful, but the daily training was exhausting. While you were lost in your thoughts you heard two children’s voices.

“I'm going! He should be here with me! He didn't do anything bad!”

“No, Thiago! If they find out that you went to the Devildom, father will punish you!”

"What? Going to the...Devildom? Why?"

Thiago was a little skinny boy, since he arrived he asked about his older brother. He was sure that they had die together, turned out he was right but his brother took a different path.

“Please, Thiago!”

The girl trying to convince him was Miri, a young girl that was born in heaven.

“I know a secret shortcut. Wish me good luck.”

You looked back to your chambers, Simeon and Luke were probably thinking of visiting you so you didn't have much time. You should stop Thiago… but maybe going to the Devildom would give you some peace, you touched your wound, the voice of Lilith still clear in your mind.

"I’ll wait, I have to trust Michael."

“Good day, young and beautiful lady. Where is Thiago?”

Miri paled. She looked like a fish, opening and closing his little mouth.

“He... He's painting!!”

“Lying is a sin, Miri.”

“Please, Mc. Don't tell father!”

“He can't leave the Garden.”

You tried to sense his halo but it was gone and now it was your turn to panic.

"How the fuck did that child go away so fast?!?"

Your jaw dropped.

"Raphael is going to kill me. My only job and I did it wrong."

“Mc?”

Miri asked, anxious.

“You won't tell father, right?”

"Of fucking course I won't tell father."

“I'll stop Thiago. Go with your parents and don't say a thing. Understood?”

“Yes! Thank you!”

She ran and you waited until you knew she wasn't close anymore. When you felt completely alone you ran as fast as you could to the limits of the Gardens of Eden. That's probably the shortcut Thiago was talking about.

“Okay, okay. I'll go quick, take Thiago and come back. No one would ever know.”

You breathed and gulped.

“Well, here goes nothing.”

Chapter 2.5 ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ

[theerrorofmylife]

The Sketch Artist

Yes this is a battinson fic. I definitely did not go see it twice just to write this. hah. I’ve been practicing quite a bit to write in a gender neutral tone so I hope that turned out ok. Also, I did change a few things but nothing too major. Enjoy.

 ~ Error

    When the sun rose in Gotham, it was as if the whole city held its breath, waiting for something to tell them that yes, another night was over, the dawn had come once again. One such morning, when the city woke up and the criminals that ran rampant among the civilians finally went back into hiding, I woke to find my alarm clock going off. 7 am, the time for workers to get ready, for children to be off to the busses, for those last-minute essays and tranquil cups of coffee. For 6 months, I couldn’t remember a time I had woken up before 10, but this was different. I had an art degree, and while I loved painting and drawing, neither paid the bills, especially not in Gotham. The police station, however, was in desperate need of a sketch artist these days, and I was happy to oblige. $10 an hour for a regular 9-5, plus I got to hang out with Gordon and the other cops who weren’t absolute sleazebags. It was an ok gig, it was a paycheck, and with the art, I did on the side occasionally, it made rent with a little extra for groceries…sometimes. But that was fine, it was just me and I didn’t have to eat every day… right? Whatever, it doesn't matter, the point was I had a job. And my alarm was still going. Rolling over in bed, I tapped my nightstand blindly in search of the beeping monstrosity. Finally, the sound stopped with the slam of a button, and I stumbled out of bed to get coffee. Coffee first, then brush teeth, then maybe shower if the water bill was worth it. By the time I left the apartment, it was 8:15, and I was hightailing it upstate to the police station. 8:15 seems like a reasonable time to leave but it’s not when you live on the other side of the city. Rushing inside the backdoor of the station, I waved to the cops and detectives as I made my way to Gordon’s desk. I could sit at my own desk, but why bother.

“5 minutes to spare. You’re getting good at this.” I hear him tease me. I look behind me to see him lounging on the banister. 

“You act as if I haven’t done this before.” I had known Gordon for years, all the way back to my mom’s homicide case when I was seven. He came around the house to help my dad, and about 3 years later when my dad passed away in a car accident Gordon stepped up and took care of me. He buddied up to a Lawyer named Dent and got emergency custody of me that way he could take care of me legally, and from there he was always surrogate dad #1. I was ten then. Now, sitting comfy at 23, I couldn’t remember a time when Gordon wasn’t a guiding light in my life.

“Well, now that you’re here, we’ve got four people who need to see you. There was a homicide last night, as well as a robbery.” Wow. I jumped up and hopped over to my desk, grabbing the extra-large sketch pad and the small bag of coal pencils and mega erasers. This was gonna be a long morning. 

~

By lunch, I had finished all the sketches, sat with a woman during a line-up purely for emotional support, and even took some time to entertain a kid while his dad was giving a statement. Overall, it was very productive and enjoyable. I left the station at about eight, staying a while longer so I could bug Gordon while he did the paperwork, but eventually, I was making my way back to my apartment. Gotham’s abyssal night had covered the city, and the endless rain was especially cold tonight. A breeze carried the chill beneath my clothes and made me shudder. I should have been watching where I was going, I should have been more careful because as soon as I stepped onto the subway platform, two rough hands took hold of my arms and threw me forwards to the ground. My hands didn’t catch my fall and my forehead hit the grimy pavement, pain coming in waves from behind and under my eyes. My eyes were so heavy, I almost didn’t realize my watch was being harshly tugged off my wrist. My bag had been tossed, and I could hear the contents being tossed about. My senses seemed to come back all at once and I ripped my hands away and began pushing myself away from whoever was near me. I kept crawling away till my back was pressed against the wall. Four to five men, all wearing different variations of sweaters, hoodies, leather jackets, and all looking in some way terribly threatening. The one who was trying to take my ring reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a switchblade that must have been the length of his forearm when brandished. I couldn’t fight against a knife like that, I had minimal combat training, I… I was going to die… suddenly everything went quiet. Deathly quiet, as if all of our hearts stopped at once. Footsteps echoed against the pavement steps, each one making my stomach tighten and my throat close. A fear I didn’t know I could feel settled over me as a man slowly approached from the darkness. Batman. Quite literally the most terrifying person in Gotham, the only one that every and any criminal ran from without shame. He was vengeance. My body was beginning to feel heavy, my arms feeling like any strength I once had was quickly drained, and my head felt… hot. Warmth had spread across my forehead and down my eyes and cheekbones. I was losing my ability to see, the visible area becoming hazy and foggy. I could hear fighting, sounds of the men yelling, the sounds of violence. Then a gun going off. Then nothing. No fighting, no footsteps, nothing. I couldn’t focus on anything anymore, my head felt like it was spinning, and I couldn’t make out who exactly was now beside me, so like any sane person moved to push myself as far away, but my arms couldn’t lift me anymore, and the hands holding my arms still wouldn’t let me.

“I’m gonna need you to stay still, ok?” a voice rumbled deep in my mind. I couldn’t describe it without sounding horribly attracted to it, but in truth, I was. It was deep, a lovely sound that might strike fear into someone who wasn’t close to unconsciousness and actually losing blood. In truth, even without the blood loss, I would probably still find him horribly attractive.

“No... what...?” I was sat back against the wall a large hand holding my head as it was gently placed back to rest. Whoever this was, they couldn’t be the same dark entity that beat criminals to a pulp. The adrenaline was beginning to wear off and for the first time in the past 5 minutes, I could see clearly. The Bat himself, an extremely large man, towering over everything, imposing even in the darkness, was the one situating me to lean against the wall. He put his gloved hand up to his hood and spoke very quickly.

“There’s been a mugging, someone’s been injured… 51st street, subway entrance.” He took his hand off and I realized he hung up. It felt as if my back was slowly melting into the wall behind me, my head was so fuzzy, and it felt like someone was taking a hammer to the space behind my eyes. “I’ve called the EMTs…I’ll stay till they get here.” I nodded but it felt more like a whole-body jostle than an actual nod. My head was lolling to one side and my eyes were drooping. He was staying with me. It was a kindness I didn’t expect from him, the most dangerous man in Gotham. He sat there, hand on my knee, simply making sure I didn’t actually fall out of consciousness with a likely concussion. The heat from his covered hand bled through the leather and denim of my jeans, giving me chills all over as every nerve focused on the spot where his hand was. When I had the strength to lift my head, I caught sight of the most ice-like pair of eyes I’d ever seen. It was like stepping into an ice bath during summer, his eyes were in such high contrast with the dark kohl around his eyes and his dark armor. They were beautiful, in a way, and I found it unable to look away as I got a glimpse of the human behind the mask. I held his gaze for what seemed like forever, locking eyes with the apex predator of Gotham’s underworld. A shock went through both of us when the sirens were finally audible. I began shoving his hand off my knee with very little effort. He seemed so confused, reaching to stop me from moving too much.

“Go.” Was all I could really say, still trying to push him away, and all I got in return was a nod. Watching him leave, I saw him turn one last time, and then he was gone. It was almost like he was never there. Police swarmed the subway and immediately paramedics were crowding around me. 

~

The next morning, I woke up in the hospital. Gordon was sitting next to me, asleep in the chair, and I couldn’t bring myself to wake him. I stared at the ceiling, tracing the edges of the tiles as I tried to make sense of last nights events. The Bat saved me. It was weird, recalling all of it. It seemed so… fake… like he didn’t actually save me, because why would the Bat have time to save me from a mugging when there were worse things going on in the city? But the more I laid there, replaying it over and over, seeing him sitting with me in the tunnel again and again, it became more tangible. Something about him, something only found in books and in comics, something wonderfully terrifying that made my mind stall. Where even was he now? Where does the Bat go when the sun purges Gotham for another day? If I walk the streets in the darkness, would I find him again? - Why the hell would I want to find him again? Why the hell would I go out after dark ever again, especially after last night? But the more I thought about it, the more useless feeling scared seemed and the more seeing him again seemed… mandatory in a way. I have to see the Bat again; I just have to. It would be about 30 more minutes of studying the ceiling before Gordon woke, then another 45 minutes before I was discharged with only minor head trauma and some cuts on my head that needed stitching. Overall, not horrible.

“Please!!”

“Absolutely not! You just got out of the hospital, you’re not going back to work after last night, you’re going back to your place to sleep and recover.” I don’t want to go home though, if I do, I’ll never leave, I’ll simply curl up in bed and stay there until I decay. Better I go back to work and do something than decay, right?

“Gordon I’m going back to work.” I say with falsified finality and the glare I received was murderous.

“Kid. Go home.” Eventually I gave up. The ride back to my apartment was tense, I could tell Gordon was still frustrated with me. When he dropped me off, I didn’t say anything, I just walked inside and left Gordon in the car. It wasn’t that I was mad at him, I just didn’t want to prove him right by going to work and potentially passing out. I placed my bag and jacket on the rack by my door and slinked farther into my apartment studio. I slept till the next day, waking up to a text from Gordon telling me not to bother coming in. Great. The other night was still swimming in my head, the bat… Getting up, I shook off any soreness and made my way around the room like some old Victorian lady. Nothing to do, no one to be with, alone with my thoughts. How wonderful… He still stalked around in my mind, his movements last night replaying over and over on its own little movie screen behind my eyes. I was beginning to feel overwhelmed. Marching through my apartment, I cornered a large 6ftx6ft canvas near the far window in the living room. Better to remove the thought altogether rather than continue to let it torture me.

It would be hours before I leave the living room, my stomach giving me a horrible pain, and I waddled off to the mini kitchen for food. From the living room, the news was going on about the attack at the late mayor’s funeral, how Batman had shown up, but the Riddler killed that guy anyways. This whole Riddle business was insane. I knew I was safe, I never dealt with the kind of stuff that the mayor or the DA ever did, but the idea didn’t cease to bother me. Sandwich in hand, as I walked back into the living room, the eyes of the cursed guardian stared back at me from the canvas. Black and bright blue stared off into the distance at an imagined object…or person. I had tried to mimic the khol around his eyes but that only made the mask harder to define, and the background was better black, making the whole situation too abstract for my nature, but perhaps it was better like that? I mean, it was the Batman after all, maybe abstract was fitting for who he is. To stare at the piece made me feel stupid; it didn’t do the real thing justice. The more I stared, the angrier I got at myself and the picture I had fabricated. My feet moved faster than my mind and before I could really think through my actions. I hated the picture so much, maybe because no matter how real I tried to make it; it wasn’t the real thing. Marching up to the canvas, sandwich forgotten, I reached out to sink my nails into the fabric only to have a strong hand grab my arm. The familiar warmth sunk into my skin, even through the glove. In a panic I threw my arm from his grasp and nearly jumped clear off the ground, hopping away. There, the B-Man himself, in all his vigilante-batshit-glory. Suddenly an indignant frustration came over me.

“Seriously?! Knocking is a thing, you know?” Forget the Batman being in my living room, this was an intrusion, and worse I felt completely stupid for having a giant picture of him in my apartment now. He didn’t answer though, he seemed to be completely focused on the painting. He blinked rapidly before moving his gaze towards me. All at once I felt ashamed. Those same ice-blue eyes; I’m a mess.

“Did you make this?” I nodded. His voice sounded the same as it had that night. Wonderfully horrible. “Its good.”

“Thanks…” He’s so weird!!!

“I need to ask; did you know any of those men who attacked you the other night?” The other night? Those men… I didn’t.

“No… why? They didn’t seem to be part of any group or organization.” I was trying to think ahead but even that wasn’t leading me to any conclusion.

“They were, they were going through your bag hoping you had police files on your person. They didn’t know you were a sketch artist with no real clearance to the kind of case they were going for.” Oh. Police files… I’ve never carried those with me, never even allowed to look at those by myself so I usually spy on them over Gordon’s shoulder, but I’d never carried one with me. “Your head, how is it?”

“Better than Gordon would believe.” His shoulders shook only once, as if he were huffing a laugh, but I refuse to believe the Batman would ever laugh at something.

“I have to go; I’m still tracking that group. You’d be safer at the precinct you know.”

“I do know. However, Gordon won’t allow me to go back to work, says I have this made-up thing called a concussion.” Again, his shoulders shook, and this time I can’t deny that that was something like a laugh. He laughed. Turning towards the window, he opened it all the way and stepped out, careful not to knock over the tiny pots and jars I had sat there.

“You know, maybe next time I’ll knock.” He jumped up the fire escape and we gone in seconds. What the absolute fuck……. wait.

“Next time?!”

~

 The next morning, I left for work early in order to corner the commissioner and see if I could return to work. When I got there, Gordon was waiting.

“No.”

“You really can’t stop me, you know. I need the work G, I can’t be cooped up like that!” Dashing past him, I ignored him yelling after me to go home and slipped into the commissioner’s office. Sara Essen, a wonderful friend of Gordon and I, and probably the only person I’d listen to in this who precinct.

“Commissioner! Commissioner Essen, how wonderful to see you today, you look absolutely radiant, as always Ma’am!!” I’m such a kiss-up, it would be pathetic if it weren’t so fun. Sitting at her desk, she me an accusatory glare before reaching into her desk, pulling my sketchpad and pencil bag out of her top drawer.

“Gordon said to keep these from you. Said you had a concussion.” I rolled my eyes animatedly.

“C’mooooon! Those are made up and you know it! Please, Sara, you know this isn’t going to affect my work, I sit all day and draw! Please don’t send me home…” I was begging, which was somehow worse than being a kiss-up. She sighed but had a small smile on her face none-the-less. Holding out the paper with the pouch balanced on top, I grinned widely and took them gratefully. Saying a quick thank you I ran out to wave my triumph in Gordon’s face. I love him, I really do, he’s like a father to me, but trying to keep me home was just cruel. The day went smoothly, no issues whatsoever. That was, until Gordon and a few other officers came over.

“Hey, don’t freak out, but Bruce Wayne is here to talk to you.” I’m sorry, what.

“Bruce Wayne? Why?”

“He was at the mayor’s funeral, his friend there says he got a look at the guy in the crowd, came in to give a description.” Right… that whole Riddler business, and then the attack at the mayor’s funeral. I didn’t know Bruce Wayne was even there, but it makes sense, I guess. Even recluses need to pay respect to the dead.

“Send him over then, what are you guys waiting for?” Gordon shook his head and motioned someone over. A man, very tall but slouched approached. He had dark hair that hung in his face and his coloring was abnormally pale, like he lived inside all of his life. Despite that, his eyes were minimally sunken in. His eyes, such a light blue, almost like… ice. “Hello Mr. Wayne.” Immediately his eyes shot to my face and a look of recognition passed between the two of us.

“Hello again. I suppose I should have knocked, hm?” My face flushed. It was him.

“You shouldn’t have risked coming here, do you even have a statement??” Are all vigilante-billionaires this careless? Then again who would ever suspect Bruce Wayne? Billionaire shut-in who is so traumatized by his parent’s murder that he can’t stand being in public, who would ever think that such a vulnerable, terrified man could be the most brave and lethal man in the entire city. Hell, it stands to reason that if the public’s version of Bruce Wayne ever met the Batman, he’d collapse on sight. But that was the public’s view, and that made all the difference, didn’t it?

“Yes, I do, don’t worry about me right now. I saw the Riddler at the funeral, in the banister above. He was there to see what would happen.” I nodded as I shuffled my papers around, digging out a clean one along with a new pencil and eraser.

“Ok. Give me his face structure first, then we’ll move to details.” He nodded and I saw beneath the shadow his hair cast a small smile. Huh. About an hour or two later we had finished the description and I had created a decent image of the man Bruce had described. He left shortly after, saying he had business to attend to, but also extending an invitation to the Wayne Tower. He left the precinct with what only very few would come to know as a smile.

[faghubby]

Games played

We were married for 10 years, thru all that time me and Laura had always found ways to keep are sex life exciting. Laura was a sexy 34 year old brunette. With a great body spending hours a week at the gym. I was 36 I was only an inch taller then Laura. At 5' 7" and not in as good shape as Laura. Laura was a ER nurse. I sold insurance.

One day Laura came home and handed me a small VS bag. I peeked inside to see a pair of lacy pink panties.

"Ohhh, should we eat or you going to wear them for me" I asked her.

"Nope, they are for you to wear" She smiled.

"Why?" I asked

"A man came into the ER today and he was wearing panties. He told us his wife made him wear them. So he would think about her all day" She giggled. " I want you to go put them on"

"OK" I said and took the bag into the bathroom. They felt amazing. I slid my jeans back on and went back out. Laura was standing at the door when I opened it.

" I want to see" She pouted

" have to wait" I told her. I could not fight the sensation I was rock hard just walking to the kitchen

"-how do they fit" She asked.

" perfect" I told her" and the material is so soft." She flirted and touched me at every chance. She was hot to see. I was so ready but I made her wait. We retired to bed alittle early Laura used the bathroom first. I went to brush my teeth and get ready for bed. I came out of the bathroom in just the pink panties. The bulge in front told her I was so ready. But my plan failed. You see she reached out and rubbed me thru the panties and I exploded in seconds. Shock and disappointment covered Laura's face.

"I am so sorry, they just felt so good" I confessed.

"Well you better get over here and make me cum too" She told me as she removed her cotton panties and spread her legs. I wasted no time sinking my face in her crotch. It didn't take more then ten minutes till she was bucking on my tounge. She must of been very excited as well. Normally takes more then twice that.

I got up and took off the wet panties.

"You can wear mine since you disappointed me" pointing to the yellow ones she had removed. I slid them on. They where not the same very snug she was skinner then me. But also not as soft. My face must of revieled my disappointment.

"What?" She asked.

" they aren't as soft" I pouted. She jumped out of bed and rummaged thru her drawer.

"Here you can wear these." She handed me a pair of white satin high cut panties. With a pink bow in the front. I slipped them on. And got into bed. Laura rolled over. I spooned her and was rock hard.

" Really, now your ready. I have to get to sleep early shift" She said pushing me away. I was almost never able to do an encore and never this fast. I ignored it and tried to sleep. I woke up at 1 am with a wedgie and a hardon. I get up and go in the living room. I search my favorite porn sites. But find myself reading about men in panties. I read about Female Led Relationships, about Cuckold. Which led to Sissy. I rubbed myself thru the panties. After a few minutes I came again in panties. I had not even touched myself directly. I took off the panties and went back to bed.

In the morning Laura noticed immediately that I had taken off her panties. She picked them up off the floor and notices they have crusted cum in them.

"Care to explain what happened?" She asked as I stepped out of the shower.

"I couldn't sleep" I started

" so you had an accident in my panties again?" She scolded. She kissed me on the forehead. " we will talk about them later" She jumped in the shower.

" You better wash both of YOUR panties out before they stain." She called out.

When she got out of the shower I went and washed out the panties. I noticed a pair of purple panties sitting on the bed. They where much smaller then the others I realized when I picked them up it was a thong. Made of spandex. Laura had already left. I dropped my pants and tried them on. They held me better. And since they where small they rode straight up my ass. I took a pic and put my pants back on. I sent the pic to Laura. But got no reply. I had a hard time at work ti,e concentrating at work. The panties did make me think of Laura but I thought of her in dominating roles, or sleeping with other men.

I texted Laura several times thru the day. Never getting a reply just telling her I was thinking of her. At 2pm in the mensroom stall I teck her again with a pic of me once again wearing her thong. I was hard. I get a text back

" You better not have another accident" She sends back.

When I get home Laura is already home. I find her in the bedroom naked on the bed. She is masterbating with a vibrator. I come over to the bed.

" clothes off" She orders. Just then she cums. As she catches her breath. She reaches over and rubs me thru the panties. I sit next to her.

"I went on line when I got home, you forgot to close the sites you where on." She tells me. Panic crosses my face.

" it's OK sweety I ordered you some more panties" She told me.

She picks up her toy and holds it up to me

" taste me" She tells me and I lick her toy. The whole time she had been rubbing me thru my panties. And I exploded again in my panties.

Laura doesn't react. " did you like the thong better?" She asked. I just nodded. Ashamed that I had cum again.

She has me wear the sticky panties as we made and ate dinner. I am naked except the thong. Laura takes great pride in pinching and slapping my butt. Laura is wearing just her robe. As we watch TV she asks me to rub her feet. I go to pull her feet up.

"No, I am comfy, get on the floor and rub them." She asks I slip on the floor in front of her. After I finish her first foot she uses it to fondle me thru the thong with it as I rub her other foot. She just watches TV. I am forced to focus on her.

" so, you searched cuckolding?" She smiled. I didn't answer.

" and Sissies?" She asked. I just dropped my head and nodded.

She pulled me to her crotch and I consumed her as she continued to rub me thru the thong with her foot. She asked me details about what I liked about each of the aspects I had searched.

" would you like me to fuck some big strong stud while you wore your sexy panties?" She asked just then I exploded in my panties again. She took my by the hand and led me to the bedroom. There was a satin nightie with matching panties. Laura had worn it once for me. She had me wash my privates then return and put it on.

" You should be able to sleep since you made two messes tonight" She informed me. I put on the nightie and matching thong and crawled into bed. Laura slept in an old tee shirt and cotton panties as usual.

To be cont.

[helliontherapscallion]

What is Real? (Adrenaline Junkie Part 4)

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3     Part 5     Part 6     Part 7     Part 8     Part 9     Part 10     Part 11     Part 12     Part 13     Part 14     Part 15     Part 16     Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: PTSD, memory loss, swearing, angst, panic attack

Word count: 3,509

You opened your eyes to the dim sunlight pouring through your curtains. You tried to move your arms to push yourself up, but strangely your right arm felt incredibly stiff. Furrowing your brows in confusion, you looked down at it. Nothing was off about it, so why was it so stiff? It made no sense. 

With great difficulty, you slowly maneuvered your legs over the side of your bed. Everything felt incredibly stiff, especially your right wing, and your head felt like it was filled to the brim with cotton. Groaning, you heaved yourself off the bed into a standing position. You wobbled slightly on your feet, but you steadied yourself with your nightstand. What was with you today?

Hobbling out of your room with a steadying hand on the wall. You let your wings thump and drag across the ground behind you. You didn’t have the energy to hold them up and your right one felt very off. You should ask Philza to brew you a potion of healing and maybe ask him why you woke up like this. Were you in for a really bad molt?

Stumbling your way down the hallway and dragging your feet, you almost fell over a couple of times. The stairs were going to be a massive pain if you could barely walk down the hall. Your body lurched forward as your foot caught the edge of a rug. You yelped as the ground quickly met your face, your arms not cooperating when you tried to move them to catch yourself. 

Feeling a stabbing pain in your nose, you laid there for a little bit hearing the door next to you swing open. Without looking at him, your scratchy, muffled voice called out.

“Wilby, thank god you’re here. Can you help me up? My legs aren’t working today for whatever reason. I think I’m gonna molt soon.”

He gently pulled you up and wrapped his arms around you in a hug, smooshing your face into his shoulder. You pulled away slightly to look up at him. He was smiling widely at you and his face looked blotchy. Wilbur never cried in front of anyone, so naturally you were incredibly worried for your older brother.

“Wil, are you crying?”

He just pulled you into another tight hug. Hissing in discomfort, you felt him push on your sore muscles.

“Wil, as much as I love you, can you please let me go? Everything feels really sore.”

He pulled away again, giving you a little confused smile. “I’m so sorry, do you want me to take you downstairs? We can get Dad to make you a potion.”

You returned his smile. “I’d appreciate that. But can you carry me? I don’t wanna move anymore.”

“Of course.”

Chuckling, he turned around and crouched gesturing for you to get on his back. A few unsteady moments later, you were successfully on Wilbur’s back and started your much quicker journey downstairs. You rested your cheek on his back and hummed in content. You found comfort in hearing his heartbeat, even if it was beating faster than usual. 

Quickly reaching the couch, he gingerly put you down on it and made sure you didn’t lay on top of your wings. They sprawled behind you over the back of the couch. 

“Stay right here, I’m going to get Dad.”

He walked outside with large strides, leaving you by yourself in the living room. You closed your eyes and pondered why today was so strange. First, you couldn’t move this morning. Second, Wilbur, your collected older brother, was crying. Third, Philza was up and outside. Usually he’s basically unresponsive in the mornings. He would never be up and about this early. 

Opening your eyes when you heard hurried footsteps rushing toward you. Why’d you get déjà vu? Why did you feel so… so scared? Your panicked eyes landed on your dad running towards you with all your brothers following suit. You relaxed seeing your family. But why did they look at you with relief and tears in their eyes? Even Technoblade looked relieved. 

Philza landed on his knees next to the couch before placing a gentle hand on your cheek. His worried blue eyes scanned you and he stared at you with a gentle smile.

“...Hey hun, how are ya feelin’?”

“I’ve had better days. I just feel really stiff, I think I’m going to have a bad molt this year.”

Your brothers looked at each other with confusion. Tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear, Philza crinkled his brows. “Hun, do you not remember what happened? You-”

Tommy interrupted, “You died. SOMETHING KILLED YOU AND YOU RESPAWNED. HOW DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THAT?”

Flinching back, you deadpanned. “Gremlin, I think I’d remember if I lost one of my lives. My entire body feels like shit, but I sure as hell didn’t die. That’s just absurd.”

Philza gently grabbed your wrist and pulled down your sleeve. Instead of the usual three red hearts that were etched into your skin, only two stared back at you. You stuttered as your brain processed what you saw. You... died? How? Why couldn’t you remember your own death? 

Your thoughts were interrupted as Philza spoke up. “You died, (y/n).”

“I… How?”

Philza pursed his lips together. “You were killed by The Warden. You were out mining.”

You looked at your hands. “Who’s The Warden?”

“It’s a mob that usually spawns in subterranean caves. We’re not exactly sure how you died, but… but you died down there, (y/n). You lost a life.”

You took in a shuddering breath. How could you be so damn careless? Were you falling back into your dangerous stunts phase? Did you get yourself killed? Why couldn’t you remember anything?

“Hun, do you want me to get you a potion for the stiffness?”

“...Yes please.” 

“Tommy, can you please go get them a potion of healing? WIlbur, can you get a glass of water for them?”

Without a word, Tommy and WIlbur ran out of the room, leaving you with Philza and Techno. The piglin hybrid wouldn’t even look at you. Philza ran a comforting hand through your hair as he waited for your brothers to return. 

When they came back, Wilbur helped prop you up so you could drink the potion and water. They soothed your scratchy throat and you felt your body fill up with warmth. It was always nice to drink a healing potion when you were hurt. Most of the stiffness and soreness that was previously rooted deep in your muscles was alleviated and you felt some of your nerves melt away. Now only your right wing was sore. You stretched, feeling a tugging sensation on the skin of your back around the base of your right wing. 

“That’s better. I think I’m going to go shower, I feel absolutely disgusting.”

Not giving your worried family any room to argue with you, you swung your legs over the side of the couch and shakily stood up. Philza tried to help steady you, but you wove him off. If you were weak enough to die, you thought, you needed to prove yourself to your family that you were strong. You needed to do things yourself. 

As you were shakily making your way up the stairs, Philza was following you, probably making sure you don’t kill yourself again. He was fussing over your wellbeing, you did just die and you were acting surprisingly calm about it.

“At least let me help you preen your wing.”

“Dad, I can preen my own wings. I’m 17.”

“I know hun. I just want to help you.”

“Dad. I can do it myself, I’ve been doing it alone since I was 10, and I don’t plan on stopping any time soon.”

Without giving him any more room to try to convince you, you closed the bathroom door in his face. You understood and appreciated that he was worried about you, but you needed to do things on your own if you were going to prove your strength to your family. You were angry that he thought you couldn’t do a simple thing by yourself. You could still hear him breathing from the other side of the door.

Peeling off your jacket, you ran your fingers along your left wing. The feathers were more out of place than usual, you must’ve gotten pretty fucked up by The Warden if they were this messy. After about 10 minutes of frustrated preening, you twisted your torso around slightly to reach for your other wing, but you couldn’t see anything. Why couldn’t you see anything? Your wings were large enough for you to completely wrap your body in them twice and then some, so it didn’t make sense to you. 

Turning around to face the wall across the bathroom mirror, you spread out your wings and craned your head around to look at your right wing. Your eyes were met with a featherless nub that matched your skin tone. An ugly, discolored scar covered the entirety of the right side of your back. Without warning, memories flashed in front of your eyes at rapid fire.

A monsterous being towered over you, standing completely still. You held your breath as it just stood there. It walked away so you started to walk away. Everything lit up as you started to run from the thing chasing you. Blood pounded in your ears as panic engulfed your entire being as you tried to fly away, but you were caught. It effortlessly swung you around as it screamed. You felt your wing rip from your body and you flew across the cave. You couldn’t breathe. What did you do to deserve this?

“../n).”

You reached around to feel your wing, but you only grabbed the bone sticking out of your body. You felt anguish as you realized that you just lost a limb. You watched it drag your wing into the depths of the cave, leaving you completely and utterly alone as you slowly died.

“...(y/n)..”

You were crying in pain as you felt everything that happened crash down on you all at once. You laid there for what felt like hours as you sobbed and dry heaved. You prayed to whatever god was above that you would be put out of your misery soon. You felt as your body slowly got colder and colder. You were drifting in and out of consciousness. You couldn’t breathe. Please, for the love of god, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop, make it sto-

“(Y/N).”

You saw a hazy figure in front of you. You felt someone’s hands gripping your shoulders in a firm grasp, you thrashed about trying to get out of it’s grip. You saw the monster that took your wing from you. The thing that killed you. You threw your arms about blindly in a desperate attempt to land a hit to try and get it to let you go. The only reason it let you go in the cave was when your wing was torn off, was it going to take your arms too?

You felt a smack as your hand collided with what you guessed was its grotesque face. It yelped and jumped back, releasing its grip on you. Its yelp strangely sounded like your dad’s voice. Your mind was probably playing tricks on you, your dad wasn’t here. You needed to get out. You scrambled up to your feet and bolted. You weren’t going to get killed again, especially by that thing. 

“(Y/N)!”

How did it know your name? More importantly, how was it talking to you? You were probably still in the cave bleeding out as your delirious mind turned stone into the comforting walls of your home. You were probably imagining hearing your dad’s voice in a last chance to comfort yourself as you neared your impending doom. 

Running down the hall, you made your way to the stairs. You couldn’t jump over the banister, you would probably break your legs again without both of your wings. Your vision was tunneling as you only focused on how to get out and away from the monster. When you were halfway down the stairs, you saw Tommy sprinting up to you looking panicked. No one deserves to die in the way you did, especially not him. 

“Oh my god, Tommy we need to get you out of here, it’s coming for us.”

He grabbed your shoulders and bent over to look you in the eye, “(y/n), whatever you’re seeing is not real, you-”

“We need to go now!”

He was cut off as you grabbed his hand and drug him down the stairs. You could hear the thing coming closer. It started to come towards you and Tommy. You yanked him along with you as you reached the living room and sprinted towards the front door. You could taste the freedom. It tasted sweet. 

Right as you grasped the door handle, you felt Tommy wrap his arms around your waist and pull you back. What the fuck, did he want to die?

“Tommy, if you don’t let me go now, it’s gonna get us. Please, you don’t wanna die the way I did.”

He said nothing as he turned you around and blocked the doorway with his body. The monster turned the corner and entered your sights. You’d be damned if you let Tommy die. You were determined to protect him even if you ended up dying a second time. 

You puffed up your wing and shifted your body into a stance that you hoped was threatening. Pushing Tommy behind you and shielding him with your wing, you harshly glared at it.

“You fucking bastard, ya here for seconds? Was my wing not enough for you? Well, I’ve got bad news for ya, I won’t let you kill me again. I won’t let you near my brother.”

“(Y/n), it’s me,” it croaked out in your dad’s voice and started to slowly walk towards you, holding its arms up. Why wasn’t it shambling like it did in the cave? You felt more fear well up in your gut as you stepped back.

“You’ve got a lotta audacity to use my father’s voice against me. I’ll rip you to shreds if you step any closer to us. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU.”

It stepped back, it’s mouth impossibly frowning more as more drool pooled from its mouth. Tommy wrapped his arms around yours as he bound you to his chest. Thrashing, you desperately tried to get out of his hold.

“TOMMY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? DO YOU WANT TO DIE? THAT THING IS RUTHLESS, IT WILL TEAR YOU APART LIMB BY LIMB JUST LIKE IT DID TO ME. DO YOU WANT THAT?”

He once again said nothing. You felt your hair on the top of your head start to dampen. You heard more footsteps running to you. Techno and Wilbur appeared behind the monster. They looked absolutely terrified. Were you going to watch your older brothers die?

Your chest heaved as you looked at them with wide eyes. “Tech, Wil please, for the love of god run while you still can. It’s in front of you.”

They glanced at each other before Wilbur grabbed the monster’s arm. You screamed in horror as it looked at him. To your confusion, Wilbur wasn’t grabbed. He just gently led the monster away into the kitchen.

“I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU TOUCH A SINGLE HAIR ON HIS HEAD, YOU’LL MEET A FATE WORSE THAN MINE. I WILL MAKE SURE YOU SUFFER MORE THAN I DID, YOU GODDAMNED FREAK.”

Your hoarse screaming was interrupted as Tommy squeezed you against his chest tighter. Techno slowly approached you, making sure that you saw his every move, and bent over to look you in the eye. Tommy’s arms tightened around you, scared that you were going to lash out at Technoblade.

“(Y/n), The Warden isn’t here. You’re home, you’re not in the cave. You’re safe.”

You studied his face. Was he even real? Was any of this real? He looked real. Then again, everything around you looked real.

“I… Tech, are-are you real? Is any of this real?”

Techno pulled you out of Tommy’s arms and pulled you into his own tight embrace. He pressed a hand on the back of your head and pushed your face into his shoulder, rocking you back and forth. Your forehead tickled where you felt the end of his braid brush against your skin. You started to sob into his chest.

“Tech, I was so scared. I… I thought I was gonna die again. Please don’t let me die.”

“The Warden isn’t here, (y/n). I’m real. The house is real. You are home. No one else is here besides Dad, Wilbur, Tommy, me, and you. You’re safe. We won’t let you die again.”

He repeated the same things over like a mantra. With each reassurance, you felt yourself calm down. Techno’s soothing, monotone voice gave you something that wasn’t too overstimulating to center your focus on. You cried until you didn’t have any tears left to cry. Even after you were done crying, Techno continued to rock you back and forth, caressing your hair on the crown of your head like he did when you were kids. 

The voices in his head have been screaming at him nonstop since he saw that they had lost a life earlier in the day. They were telling him that he was stupid for letting you go mining alone. That he was a failure for letting you die alone. He couldn’t hear his own thoughts. He could only attempt to comfort you while trying to ignore the voices.

Tommy stood stiff at the door watching you two. For the first time in his life, he didn’t know what to do. His older sibling was always calm and collected. He’s never seen you react like that. He’s never seen you so terrified. You were always the one to comfort him, never the other way around. You were there to give him hugs when he scraped his knee as a child. You were there when he’d have nightmares. You always made sure that he was alright. He was truly stumped.

Meanwhile in the dining room, Philza sat at the head of the table staring blankly at his folded hands placed in his lap. Wilbur had pulled up a chair to sit next to him, rubbing his back in small circles. The two didn’t speak to each other. Instead, they were listening to your heartbreaking sobs as Techno’s deep voice rumbled lowly underneath your sobbing. 

Wilbur didn’t know how to comfort his dad. Hell, he didn’t know how to comfort himself. His little sibling just died, forgot about it, and remembered it in the span of six short hours. Your death must’ve been traumatizing if you were reliving it. He didn’t know how to comfort you, he always was the one, besides Philza, to comfort you when you were upset as a kid. He felt completely lost.

Philza remembered how he felt his heart drop when he heard you start to scream from the other side of the bathroom door. The instinct to comfort his child overpowered his rational thought as he opened the door. He found you curled in on yourself on the ground with your only wing tightly wrapped around you mid panic attack. He asked you multiple times if it was alright to touch you, but you never responded. You just kept your eyes screwed shut. He was crouched in front of you trying to get you out of your trance before he decided to put his hands on your shoulders. That made you finally open your eyes. He tried to give you a smile, but you started to flail your arms. He dodged the best he could, but your movements were too erratic and you ended up smacking him across the face.

He felt so scared for you when you ran away from him in a panic. He thought you were going to hurt yourself when you reached the stairs. He felt like someone tore his heart out and stomped on it when he realized that you were afraid of him. You saw him as your murderer. When you started to threaten him, he saw just how terrified you were of dying again. How terrified you were of him killing you. You didn’t react when tears started to slip down his cheeks. He didn’t care that you were threatening him, he cared that his own child was terrified of him.

At the moment, you were slowly fading out of consciousness in your brother's hold. You felt completely drained physically, emotionally, and mentally. You barely registered Techno picking you up and carrying you up the stairs to your room, laying you on your bed. He even covered your wing with your blanket.

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