#and turns out chicken is actually super simple to cook!

[motherhenna]

guess who was craving indian food but didn’t want to grubhub it lol turns out chicken curry is actually pretty doable for beginners! I’m sure mine isn’t nearly as good as what you could get at a genuine Indian restaurant but I think it tastes pretty darn good all the same ~

[kulemiwrites]

Voyeur | Takayuki Yagami & Masaharu Kaito

Lust could make a man do strange things...

Part: 0.5

Genre: SMUT

Rating: 18+

Word count: 2.2K

Character(s): Takayuki Yagami, Masaharu Kaito | fem!Reader

Warning: Heed the title as your warning.

Author's Note: I've been rotating this little idea in my head around like a rotisserie chicken for like 2 years, I think. Tonight, I finally got motivated to flesh out the old rough outline and when I did, I suddenly got super excited to write it out! In truth, it took me this long because I kept fighting myself on if I should write it since it's very... uh, morally dubious? Okay, so maybe it's a little fucked up actually buuuut, I thought it was fun! LMAO. I'm not sure if anyone other than me would be into this though. So, I'll be posting this prologue and just kinda monitoring the reception for a while to determine if I should finish it (publicly at least) Too tired and lazy to make a banner but I wanna post this now because I'll be busy the next couple days. I'll come back and edit this once I make one!

Too long for Tumblr? Read on AO3!

~Prologue~

Everything about what Yagami was doing now– what he’d been doing for months now– was wrong, but damn would he be lying if he said that it didn’t feel oh so fucking right. His eyes poured over you and he found that at this second, he couldn’t even recall the moment this all started. 

This internal game of tug of war. 

The night you strutted into the bar, in that teensy black dress with a sinful smile painted on your lips and a splotch from Kaito’s greed painted on your neck, Yagami knew that he found you attractive. The question he couldn’t answer though, was when did a simple acknowledgement of your attractiveness shift into such a shameful, feral need to have himself buried inside you like this? 

He couldn’t explain it himself. 

There wasn’t a definitive moment when he decided that he had to have you. He just knew that one day he realized he did and by then, it was already too late. He was already in far too deep to turn back. 

Sometimes, he wondered that if he had caught the shift sooner could he have chosen better? Could he have protected you from himself? Protected his relationship with Kaito, a man he cherished– a man he deeply respected. If he’d just reminded himself of what the other man meant to him, could he have prevented himself from doing something so despicable? Could he have stopped himself being so selfish and doing something this deplorable? 

Unforgivable…

He knew the answers to those questions and as much as he hesitated to acknowledge them, he couldn’t deny the truth.

And that… was but a fraction of the sin he knew Kaito would never forgive. 

He’d gone much too far. 

It didn’t matter how many half-baked excuses Yagami cooked up and stored in his arsenal for the day he was inevitably confronted, Yagami knew better than to believe that his friend– his most trusted partner, would ever go for it. In fact, he was fully certain that Kaito would bash his head in before he even managed to bullshit his way through the first one.

Yet, that fact didn’t prevent him from hissing out a swear at the feel of that tight grip around his length. 

Hot. 

God, he was so fucking hot. 

He should’ve stopped to crack a window– No, he should’ve cracked it beforehand because he was far too engrossed in you to stop now. 

His tongue darted out to swipe at his dry lips and he caught the droplet of sweat cascading past the right corner of his lips.

He was probably as sweaty as you now but he didn’t mind and he didn’t care one bit that your sweat had stained the faux leather of his sofa. Not when you glistened so divinely. He’d give the spot a scrub tomorrow but for now, you prepaid for the damage by having your tits on display for him to admire. The way they jiggled with each hard thrust, he’d have thought that they were beckoning him to have a taste. 

How tantalizing… 

Fuck!

He spat the word with so much venom that the burn lingered behind in his throat long after the growl had left him. 

He had to hand it to you…

You knew how to take a cock better than any girl he’d ever had. What a greedy little thing. Three orgasms in and you were still so desperate for more? The corners of his mouth quivered at the thought. Hell, he almost couldn’t keep up with you. The violent twitch of his dick was warning him of that with every passing moment. If he didn’t lag his strokes, he’d have spilled himself before you’d had your fill and well, he couldn’t have that. 

How would he ever be able to face you then?

Your perfect lips parted but with no sound to spill from them, he failed to pick up what you were hoping to communicate. 

“What are you trying to say?” his query falling only on his ears alone.

A pang surged through his chest when your dainty fingers reached to desperately claw at the man’s chest, your back bowing off the sofa. If he hadn’t been at this for so long, he’d have struggled to believe it. 

You were coming again?

A biting chuckle pushed past his lips as the thought crossed his mind: Surely he wasn’t that good.

He allowed the bitter thought to drown beneath the crack of skin viciously clapping against itself as he watched you parsimoniously help yourself to the cock that had been splitting you. 

Shiiiit. This one seemed to have been wearing you down, but it was just as well. He’d long since reached his limit too.

Your lips parted wide and this was but one of the many times he’d cursed himself for not installing a camera with an audio feed. However, now was not the time to disparage himself for his lack of foresight. If he focused right now and remembered your tells from the other videos, he could time you coming undone perfectly with his own peak. 

If he really tried, he could probably recall the sound of your voice almost perfectly too.

You’d been so fucking loud tonight. He’d heard you through the window when he rounded the corner on his way back to the office and it only grew clearer with each stair he climbed. If he didn’t know any better, he’d have believed that you wanted to get caught fucking your boyfriend– or whatever it was you were calling Kaito these days, on the couch in his office like a couple of filthy animals. 

He could have laughed when he received that frantic text from Kaito asking him to pick up a pack of smokes after you were done to try and buy a little more time to get yourselves together. The errand had done him a favor too, at least. He was able to awkwardly walk off the boner you’d given him and had cleared his mind well enough to think to slip out of his coat and strategically drape it over his arm to cover the wet spot left behind at the front of his jeans.

And that too was laughable in retrospect, considering you and Kaito hadn’t even bothered to try and hide the wet spot left behind on his sofa from your secretions, thinking that you could lie about spilling a bottle of water and get away with it as if he couldn’t smell the scent of salacious sex in the air lingering beneath Kaito’s air freshener made of cigarette smoke. 

Not to mention, there wasn’t a single empty water bottle in sight…

He had to bite the insides of his cheeks when he let out that low hum of understanding, so that he could pretend that he bought the bullshit you were selling without laughing. 

The two of you truly believed he was a fool but he supposed the feeling was mutual. Just how many times did you think you could fuck in his office without him finding out about it? 

Without him doing something about it….

Your side profile was gorgeous. If he were any bit of an artist, he imagined he’d have been able to draw it from memory now. 

Kaito pressed his lips to yours as his hips grew more ragged, not a semblance of rhythm even without the sound of them connecting. You broke away to toss your head to the side, showing Yagami even more of your blissed out expression. 

He gasped, taking his plump bottom lip– plump from his own harsh sucking of it, between his teeth then hesitated to shut his eyes so that he could focus on recalling the obscene sounds you gifted to all of Building One and Nakamichi Street. It was any wonder how he hadn’t received a noise complaint yet on account of you– then he’d have to confront you two.

But that would ruin the fun for everyone. 

Fuuuuck, he wanted y– scratch that, he needed you.

He can’t think of a person he’s ever lusted after this desperately in his life. Not even his most recent ex had made him this delirious, and she was a total smoke show.

The thought stole a pathetic sob from him and he immediately snatched the hem of his white t-shirt and clenched it tight between his teeth to force himself silent but there was no use. The moment the sudden draft kissed his perspiring skin, he gasped. His messy head of hair lolled back against the sofa, Adam’s apple bobbing with desperation as he pushed out ragged breath after ragged breath. 

It was Kaito’s name that you cried out to the skies tonight but if he focused hard enough, he could deceive himself into believing that he’d heard you call on him instead.

That was the thought that sent him tumbling over the edge. 

Your pretty teeth chattering before they’d briefly connect to make the Tah in Takayuki…

He’d cum so hard that when his eyes shot open, he thought he’d seen his soul appear before him before they fluttered shut again. A colorful string of filth spilled past his lips as he twitched through the final tugs at his dick, warm ribbons of pearlescence making a mess of his veiny hands, sweaty thighs and even reaching the table in front of him, narrowly missing you on his laptop.

Yagami teased the angry red head of his length, drawing out the last of the pearls trickling out of his slit until there was nothing left.

The resentful surge that had become increasingly more familiar these days coursed through him when he returned his attention to the screen and found you idly running your fingers through Kaito’s hair as he trembled above you in a slump.

Had Yagami believed in a higher power, he might have prayed at the moment that one day, he’d find himself under the caress of that same tender hand. No matter how immoral an ask it may have been. 

But alas…

Letting out a heavy whoosh, signaling profound relief, he ripped his white tee over his head in a single motion. Then, he used it to dab away the sweat from his face and chest and clean the cum from his fingers, stomach, thighs and table then dropped his mess in a heap on the floor near his feet. He wrestled his pants back up his hips but didn’t bother to fasten them for now and reached for his laptop. 

Using his middle finger, he swirled the cursor around the screen as he contemplated if he wanted to continue to watch the footage or close it until he saw something that made his heart and stomach lurch. He wasn’t certain if what he thought he’d seen was what he actually saw and he had to be certain before his mind fell into an anxious frenzy. 

With furrowed brows, he tapped the left arrow key to rewind thirty seconds and leaned in with narrowed eyes to confirm. When he caught your eyes making direct contact with the camera, this throat tightened. 

He hadn’t been mistaken. You looked. 

And you looked like you knew what you were looking at.

A chill rippled through him from head to toe. Every hair on his body, thick and fine, stood when he spotted the slow curving of your lips. But the moment that made him slam his laptop shut– the moment that stole his breath away was the moment you winked at him.

You fucking winked?

He reached to run both unsteady hands through his damp hair as he turned that second over and over and over again in his mind. 

No one had known about the camera he’d installed, right? Not even, Kaito…

Right?

How the hell would you know before his own business partner– the man who shared this office knew? And why hadn’t you told Kaito yet? Why hadn’t you confronted him yet? Or at the very least, why were you continuing to fuck in his office if you had suspicions someone had been watching you? 

Surely his mind was playing tricks on him. You didn’t know. There was no way you knew but if you did, what did that smile mean? 

No… 

He had to investigate. He had to get to the bottom of this. But how was he meant to do that without somehow incriminating himself? And what the fuck did that smile mean? 

The questions whirled through his mind at a pace that was beginning to make him lightheaded. 

He ripped his laptop back open and furiously entered his password, his leg bouncing from the sudden influx of nerves. He knew what he had to do. Perhaps his judgment was too clouded by arousal that he’d missed something crucial up until that point. Maybe there was a trail of clues in the footage that’d tell him everything he needed to know. 

He just needed to rewatch the video, starting from the moment you straddled Kaito on this very sofa. 

He sucked in a barbed breath as he tapped the spacebar. This time, he wouldn’t skip a second. This time, he was watching for personal business and not personal pleasure. 

When he felt the flutter in his groin, he wondered, for the first time in his career, if he’d be able to get through his investigation without shoving his hands back down his pants.

Please do not reupload/repost/rewrite but likes and a reblog go a long way! Thank you for reading!

If you enjoyed this, you're welcome to check out more of my work! I have a masterlist to save you browse time!

[thatsgonnaleaveamark]

4, 6, 16, 21, 26 and 31 for the asks? -captain

4. What do you wear when you have to dress nicely? Honestly I never go to any events where I have to dress up so I actually don't know. I know I'd be uncomfortable in a dress/skirt but also in a suit so I guess I'd just go with my usual jeans (the ones without the patched up hole on the knee lol) and shirt with an open button up or something.

6. What do you use to keep your place when you’re reading a book? I currently have about 5 books I've started reading and I'm using a mix of library receipts, free bookmarks, postcards and random scraps of paper.

16. Describe your favorite hoodie. How long have you had it? What makes it unique? My Ghost Files hoodie! Got it last fall and I've been wearing it almost every day when going out, it's super comfy. It's black with the white Ghost Files logo on it and it also glows in the dark which is so cool.

21. What’s your favorite period in art history, your favorite famous work and/or your favorite style of art? Answered here. Shorter answer: Cave paintings, Monet's landscape impressionism and paintings of ships on rough waters.

26. Can you cook or bake? If so, what are some of your specialties? I think I'm pretty decent at cooking and ok at baking but mostly make simple things. My favorite things to make that usually turn out pretty good (for my tastes at least) are pasta with spinach and tomato sauce, chicken quesadillas and oreo cheesecake.

31. What’s the last music video you watched? Oh I like never watch music videos lol. Gotta go check my youtube history. Technically it's Never Gonna Give You up bc April 1st where I clicked on the link knowing it would be that but I just enjoy the song haha. I also watched part of Love From The Other Side from the new Fall Out Boy album. But I usually only listen to the songs.

thank you!! :)

[theforumcat]

You said you had home made macaroni! Did you make it yourself? If so, can you share the recipe? Thank you!

oooooooooh. Uhhh.

No? Yes, but no?

A lot of things I know how to make I just Know How To Make. I have a lot of extremely varied cooking heritage (from a dad who loved to cook, to a couple of chef apprenticeships, to devoted study of my family’s sort of folk-hero matriarch) that has resulted in a great deal of foods that I can just… make.

So I know how to make macaroni and cheese, which is actually very easy, but unfortunately the closest thing to a recipe for the macaroni I made the other day would be:

Pasta (it was a kale and spinach spiral, because that’s the pasta I use for everything) - about 3/4 box

Milk (I used goat milk because I tend to use goat milk, but any milk is fine. Thicker is better, so ideally cream or super creamy non dairy. Buttermilk is also yummy) - how much? Idk. The right amount. I think a cup?

Buttermilk powder - a tablespoon. Ish. I just use a regular spoon and eyeball it. It goes in a lidded cup with the milk (I use a jam jar)

Flour - like two tablespoons. Also goes into the milk

Flour - like two tablespoons. Does NOT go in the milk

Butter - probably half a stick but I really wasn’t paying that much attention

Pasta water - one cup, set off the the side. This is like the only thing I used a measuring cup for, and of course it’s just as a reservoir container for something used as needed

Lemon juice - a whole lemon’s worth. I left the pulp in; it wasn’t hurting anyone.

Garlic - a whole head, crushed

White onion - somewhere between a quarter and half cup, minced. Probably closer to half. Big handful.

Cayenne pepper - a little sprinkle

Chicken bouillon concentrate - a bit

Cheese - two cups ish of extra sharp white cheddar, grated

1. Butter in pan. Hot. Melting.

2. Garlic, onion, stock concentrate. Let the onion kinda disappear and the onion and garlic start to smell good. Splash in some lemon juice but not all

3. Put flour over it and whisk in. Let this brown up and brown up and brown up, and do not let it stop moving at any point ever (okay, it’s not actually that fussy, but until you get the hang of making roux start with those instructions)

4. once you have decided that letting it brown up any more is going to scorch, add the rest of the lemon juice and turn the heat down

5. Shake the milk and company container vigorously for a while. If you think you have finished, shake it that much again. Do not accidentally churn the milk into butter, but do get it really good and mixed and frothy

6. Add some cheese to the pan and let it start getting melty, whisking into the butter and lemon

7. Add the milk jar

8. Get it hot enough to maybe simmer but not boil and keep adding cheese a bit at a time until you’re out of cheese. If the sauce gets too thick (flour-gloopy or cheese-stringy) add splashes of pasta water to smooth it back out

9. Cayenne pepper to taste

10. Mix in pasta

I tried to make this as helpful as possible, but I do a lot of cooking wherein “cup” means literally just whatever cup was at the front of the cupboard, or sometimes a really full handful, or just however much I decided to put in and call a cup. A lot of my steps are just “cook it” or “make sauce” or whatever, and while this is a little more specific, because it’s in particular the white cheddar and lemon macaroni variant I made the other day and quite a simple thing, anything with a bigger list of ingredients will vary wildly on what’s actually in there (what’s in Cheeseburger soup? Cheese, beef, tomato paste, vegetables. what vegetables? Vegetables!) or anything that isn’t a specific variant (like if I just gave you a “Mac n cheese recipe”) will often include illuminating entries such as “spices.” Somewhere I have a recipe card that just lists “the spices,” and you just have to know/intuit/decide/guess what that means. There are also a lot of things measured in “assloads,” “some,” and “splooshes” and “splashes” (and the precise amount that qualifies as some or an assload, of course, varies by ingredient). Sometimes I’ll also work in helpful measurements like “bowl full” and it will be several different bowls.

Anyway, I am a disaster cook but the things I make are very good. I’ve got that sweet, sweet ancestral guidance and blessing~

[voroxpete]

Oh boy @girlmuppet, this is my jam. I'm someone who loves to cook, but I also find that I'm often trying to put dinner on the table in a very short time, so I've become obsessed with quick and easy recipes. Here are some of my favourites;

Pasta Aglio e Oglio - Literally "oil and garlic pasta." What you need for this is some dry spaghetti (or similar), olive oil, garlic, parsley, lemon, and optionally some black pepper, and maybe some chili flakes or cayenne pepper.

Peel eight cloves of garlic and chop them. Traditionally you cut them into fine slices, but you can just run them through a garlic press if you want. Pick leaves from parsley (neat trick; get a collander and pull the parsley through one of the holes, stem first, from the inside out; the leaves will all stay in the collander if you do it fast) until you have about a cup worth. Give them a rough chop, doesn't need to be super fine or anything. Cut the lemon in half, save one half for later. Squeeze the juice out of the other half, strain any seeds.

Get your pasta in boiling water (quick note; the way you keep pasta from sticking in the pan is just to stir the crap out of it when you first put it in. It's really that simple) with enough salt added that the water tastes noticeably salty, but not unpleasant. Like, if you take a little sip of the hot water (blow on it first) your impression should be "That's a nice salty taste that I can definitely notice." The Italians say "Salty like the sea" but they all live by the coast and actually know what seawater tastes like, the bastards. Set a timer for 2 minutes less than the time on the packet. BTW, don't put too much water in with the pasta; just enough to cover and let it move around.

While that action is happening, put a big old glug of olive oil in a saute pan / skillet. Enough to thoroughly cover the bottom of the pan. Get it on a low heat, and put in the garlic. You want some very slight bubbling around the garlic, but not actually turning brown or drying out. Get some black pepper and some chili flakes in here as well if you want to kick it up a little. When the pasta is nearly done, take about half a cup of the pasta water and add it to the olive oil, along with the lemon juice. Stir it around vigorously to emulsify. Confirm the pasta is ready with a taste test; it should still be slightly firm in the middle; you're looking for a slightly whiter spot in the centre if you look at a cross section. This means it's almost ready, which is when we transfer all the pasta into the oil. Move it around a lot, keep that sauce emulsified. Do this for about a minute or two to finish cooking the pasta. Add the parsley, cover and let it all steam for about 30 seconds. Serve. This recipe assumes you're making enough for two people (I haven't specified pasta measurements, go by weight or use one of those pasta measuring thingies), so it's good for guests / date night, or it microwaves beautifully.

Stir Fry - This isn't a recipe so much as a method. You can stir fry basically anything. Generally you want a protein, one or two veg, plus aromatics. The main trick to stir fry is that you prep all the ingredients first, then the actual cooking takes, like, a minute tops.

For aromatics, take a clove or two of garlic, and maybe a half inch of ginger. Finely mince both. Add some finely slice scallions/green onions if you have them.

For protein, chicken and pork are both affordable and easy to work with. Slice up your meat into bite-size chunks, like something you'd hold with chopsticks. Generally you want meat to be sliced pretty thin; about an eighth of an inch or less. If you're doing beef you can go a bit thicker. You want it to cook through quickly and be easy to bite through. Always cut your meat across the grain, or it'll be chewy. Toss with a sprinkle of flour and a teaspoon of baking soda; this will help browning. Add some salt and pepper too, why not?

For veg, cabbage, either chinese (nappa) or regular is amazing in stir fry, and keeps basically forever in the fridge. Like, it might go a little brown but it's still very edible. Carrots (sliced thin) are also really good, as are onions; cut off the head and root, quarter, and separate into layers. Snow peas are great, just chuck em in whole. Broccoli is also good; separate into florets, halve or quarter those, and sit them in all boiling water (from the kettle, in a bowl) for a couple of minutes to soften before cooking.

Finally, you'll want some kind of sauce. You can do a basic stir fry by just adding a little light soy sauce during cooking, and that'll taste delicious. A slightly more advanced sauce can be made by taking a couple of tablespoons of oyster sauce, adding 3 teaspoons of sugar, a tablespoon of light soy, and a tablespoon of water. Mix all that up together until the sugar dissolves.

Your cooking process is simple. Put a small splash of oil into a pan or wok over maximum heat. Get the oil hot (the tip of a wooden chopstick should bubble when put into the oil), throw in the veg. Move it around vigorously for a few minutes, until tender. Remove to a plate or bowl. Add the meat (add more oil if needed), move around until cooked through. Add the veg back, add the aromatics. Stir a bit more (only 30 seconds at most). Add the sauce. Coat everything. Remove from heat. Serve with rice or noodles (tip for noodles; add salt and a sprinkle of MSG to the cooking water, just like with the pasta).

Tacos - Tacos are so quick and so easy. They're a perfect cheat meal. This one isn't going to be a very involved recipe, just get yourself a tub of that Old El Paso taco sauce mix and follow the directions (yes, I hear all the Mexicans shuddering, I'm white and I'm lazy. I save the carefully toasting and grinding six different kinds of dried peppers for when I'm making chili con carne). All you need is mince (pork, beef, chicken, whatever), some soft or hard shells, and some shredded lettuce. You can make the toppings even better with the addition of some finely diced tomato mixed with a sprinkle of salt (ALWAYS salt your tomato), and some quick pickled red onions.

Quick pickled onions are super easy; bring about half a cup each of water and plain white vinegar to a boil. Add 1.5 tablespoons each of sugar and salt. Pour over some sliced red onion. Let steep for 10-20 minutes. This will keep in a jar or tupperware for a week or two. They're super delicious. You can also make proper pickles (google a recipe, it's soooo easy) and keep them for longer.

Fried Chicken - Basic fried chicken is the easiest thing in the world, and it's such a fucking comfort food. Like, this is just straight up fast food at home, but it's healthy too. The key is to have a good temperature probe for the oil, and you'll want a really basic bitch cheap cast iron pan for the frying.

Get chicken drums and thighs (you can get a whole leg and split it). Skin on. One drum and one thigh is a good meal for one person. If you have time, salt the chicken all over and sit it in the fridge for 1-4 hours. If you don't, that's fine, it'll still be great.

Get a shallow bowl or plate, put a cup of flour on there. If you can, add salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, and paprika. A tablespoon of each is good, but play with the amounts until you find a version you like best. In a deeper bowl put a cup of milk and two eggs. Beat together, with a few dashes of hot sauce, something vinegary like a Louisiana style (Franks totally works).

Chicken goes into the flour, into the milk, back into the flour. Coat thoroughly at each step in this process. Lift handfuls of flour and pour into every crack and crevice.

Plain oil (vegetable, canola, whatevs) in cast iron. Halfway up the side. Heat to about 370F. We're going to cook at 350F, but the temperature will drop when the chicken goes in. Add no more than two pieces of chicken to the pan. Hold the chicken so that it's partially immersed in the oil for a few seconds before letting it drop in; this reduces splash and crisps up the part at the bottom so it doesn't smush. Always lay away from yourself (so the splash goes away from you). Turn the chicken every minute, for about 8-10 minutes total cooking time (use your temperature probe if you're not sure; internal temperature at the thickest part should be 155F for dark meat, 165F for light). While you're cooking play with the temperature of the element as needed to keep things around 350F, more or less. It won't be exact, don't panic about that.

I know frying like this gives people the heeby-jeebies, but it's safe as long as you're not an idiot. Have a fire blanket or a dampened tea-towel on standby in case of epic fuck up. If there's a fire, cover the pan with the blanket; DO NOT THROW WATER ON THERE. Then just let it choke out. The main thing is to not step away from the oil once you have the heat on. You never ever leave it unattended at any point. Do that and you'll be fine. Also, once you've heated the oil, do not move the pan for any reason. Leave it where it is until thoroughly cooled. I deep fry at home all the time and have never had a grease fire in my life because I follow simple, basic safety precautions.

After removing the chicken, put it on a wire rack for about a minute to crisp up (have a paper towel underneath for oil drip). Serve with plain white bread, or some oven cooked frozen fries, and plain vegetables; carrots, celery, pickles, whatever. Get a little ranch or blue-cheese sauce for dipping the veg if you like. This so quick and easy, and it's delicious. Oh, and add hot sauce. Lots of hot sauce. Fried chicken is a hot sauce delivery system.

Do any of u have decent recipes that are like 5 ingredients (not including spices) and take 45 mins or less to prepare i gotta stop eating sandwiches for dinner

[fuchsea]

my sister is also my best friend and bane of my existence hahaha, i also have a younger brother who is closer to my age and like we’re close yes but also he’s a straight tech bro who loves to argue for fun, so we don’t have a TON in common and we hang out less than i do with my sister. then again my sister and i are extremely codependent so i don’t do much without her.

yesss i love that movie so much! and yes my parents got married in a snowy cabin in the mountains on new year’s eve with chinese food :’) and then waited a month and a half to have their reception on valentine’s day bc they’re Extra.

i actually love to cook a lot so i have lots of recipes, but i do love like a penne alla vodka, or maybe just a homemade tomato sauce and dollops of ricotta. the other night i made a meat sauce and penne and then layered it with italian cheese in a casserole dish and topped with cheese and breadcrumbs before baking. that turned out pretty good! i also like making tomato sauce that has blended up carrots and spinach, still totally smooth and tastes a bit sweet. i love vegetables but sometimes i want them hidden lol. my mom and i also make a very simple beet sauce that’s super good. and ofc i love making a classic fettuccini alfredo aaannnyyytime of the year.

oooo i love being cozy too!! esp when u have a fireplace aaaaa. i do love soup, my mom makes soup every sunday and it’s always a different kind. my favourite is her savoury pumpkin soup topped with crème fraîche and toasted pumpkin seeds oh my god its incredible. last sunday she just made chicken noodle which is also very good.

those holidays sound super cool! festival of the lights sounds soo beautiful omg. what types of foods do u have during them? happy belated diwali! i miss home during my fav holidays too, i’m from a little forest town in the mountains so nowhere in the world will ever feel as cozy in the winter.

anything interesting on the agenda this week? i’m hoping we’ll go to this fancy hotel that has a huge christmas tree because that also makes me feel verrryyy festive! ❄️🌸

hellooo beloved 💙 sorry for the terribly late reply!

not ur brother getting the classic middle child treatment ah 😭😭 but yeah there's nothing that can match ur relationship with ur sister and especially as an elder sister, it's even more special when they come to u for things and share their life with u. it almost makes u feel special and trusted and i love that. what's the most favourite memory u have with ur sister? 👀

ur parents are so romantic and cute oh my god i love that for them 😭 like that is such a movie romance thing for them to get married in a snowy cabin with chinese food and then having a reception on valentine's 💙

stop those recipes sound SO good ahhh now i'm craving a good bowl of pasta all over again. i do love the penne alla vodka (but i make it without the vodka 😬) and i love love love pesto too. this one time a few months ago i made a pesto pasta with cherry tomatoes and baby mozzarella and it was truly so good! i love having veggies in my pasta so best believe i will be adding all the veggies possible to it! the sauce with carrots and spinach sounds very delicious i want to try it now. my mum makes this dal (lentil soup that we have with rice) with spinach in it and it's my absolute favourite thing in the world.

i have not yet lived in a place with a fireplace but definitely yes! the best vibes ever ever. ur mom definitely makes the best soups ever those recipes all sound so so good 😭

we make loads of sweets and snacks for diwali! my favourites are : chakli (it's rice flour + gram flour + spices fried into a spiral shape) and holige (it's basically wheat flour tortilla (or have u heard about naan?) stuffed with a mixture of boiled chickpea and jaggery). my mum makes loads of other things too but these are my most favourite during diwali!

during ganesh chathurthi the most traditional sweet is called modak which is basically a dumpling with grated cocunut and sugar syrup filling. it comes both steamed and fried and i love love love it!

ooh i love forest towns! they have such a mystic and serene air to them and they get so cosy during the winters 🥺

i just had a christmas party yesterday and i won a bunch of prizes so i'm very pleased with that! this weekend i might go get some shopping done and look at the christmas decorations across the city! please do let me know if u go see the christmas tree! when do ur christmas holidays begin and are u excited to relax for a bit?

[goodgaymckay]

(Heads up for ANIMAL DEATH)

After Jeb goes non vegan, Rex shows him the simple pleasure of sandwich meat. Jeb falls in love with it, it's a ratatouille moment for him! will eat it straight out of the bag.

Rex starts taking him on little deli dates. It's super cute to him because he gets to watch jeb stare at the meat wall to pick out their sandwich meat for the week. I headcanon that Rex makes amazing cheap sandwiches and that he gives them to Jeb for lunch. Terry spent so much of their budget on vegan food that met his sensory needs/standards and it never tasted as good (not because it's vegan but because Terrys a mid cook). His favorite is turkey!

Terry sees this and decides to give Jeb some shit for it. It's more of a raining on Jebs parade thing than a vegan thing.

“IT'S the most processed thing you can eat”

“You've been gaining quite a lot of weight since you quit veganism, must be all that processed meat and processed bread”

“you look bigger, it must be all that ‘honeymoon phase’ weight. I'm glad you and Rex are happy eating in front of each other. He REALLY treats you well.”

Then he brings up the little animals because he knows Jeb loves the little animals. That's how he got Jeb to turn vegan anyways. He starts sending articles on animal cruelty in the farming industry. At some point he even sends videos of chick's getting sorted, animals getting corralled into the murder areas, and even chickens getting their necks snapped. What really sends him over is a video of a sick looking cow getting shot in the head.

Rex walks in on Jeb while he's crying and gets him to explain. Rex goes into research mode and finds cruelty free farms that do farm to table.

Jeb is skeptical so Rex takes him on one of their long night drives to the farm since Jeb was too afraid to take a tour. They hop the fence (Jeb needs help getting unstuck, Rex catches him) and take their own tour. The animals seem really chill and he does know that local is better than supporting BIG FARMING. So really he's doing a good thing eating these cute guys! It's raising farming standards! And Rex is like ya sure! And hypes him up.

Now they go on day long drives to local farms for dates too. It's not just animals, they go pick apples and stuff. When it's animals they usually intact with the safe and animals. Sometimes they even let him pet the animals and hang around them.

They go to a goat farm with the gang (Terry refuses to join) and they do goat yoga, eat goat cheese and other goat products, scott gags at goats milk, jerry tries to cheer him up vomiting it up a little, and then get goat milk soap! They bring back some goat soap for Terry and and gasps and refuses to put it on his body. Terry thinks the soap is from melting the goats down Luke horse glue.

I think that Terry has no idea that ethical farming is a thing and does not care to learn about agriculture At all. Like even when they're not slaughtering animals its bad. His veganism helps him feel better than the rest of them.

Meanwhile Rex and Jeb go to agricultural fairs and decide to raise chickens (for eggs not food). Jeb loves all the baby chick's, they follow them around the house, Rex somehow potty trained them, the chickens have their own space but vibe around the house like small feathered dogs.

Jeb and Rex actually moved in together to do this. They had to rent a house with a backyard for it. Terry's bitterness brought them much closer as a couple and now Jeb has chickens to mother. Their very happy!

Side note I think properly getting protein (not a vegan thing, dating Terry thing) and going out with Rex makes Jeb gain weight and muscle. They are gym bros to me but not in a ripped way. Those dudes are solid!

I’m posting this without commentary it’s a fic in its own way

[mangodestroyer]

Did anyone else get some very unpleasant advice about "healthy lifestyles" growing up?

I mean, seriously. I remember being taught that "raw fruits and veggies", specifically "raw greens like broccoli, kale, and spinach" were the SUPERIOR way having a high nutrients, low calorie diet. SPEICFICALLY if you did nothing to flavor them/didn't dip them in anything (except maybe a tiny bit of peanut butter). Also, avoid red meats and eat unflavored, broiled chicken and fish. Only eat a tiny desert once a week. At most. Have whole grains instead of white bread. Get vigorous exercise 60 mins a day and make sure you're out of breath, sweaty, and in pain (if it stops hurting, you got too used to it and need to push yourself harder/change things up). Oh, and don't you DARE be fat! Don't even be on the high end of a "healthy" bmi (even if you're tall/built with a larger bone frame and bmi doesn't work so well with people like that).

Yeah, um, turns out this advice is actually pretty bad/doesn't work for everyone/sometimes causes more harm/is honestly kind of not obtainable for some people. I've tried doing this at various points throughout my life. It made me miserable and lightheaded and I never stuck with it for long.

For instance, some workouts I was taught in gym class are a big no-no, according to physical therapists. The one where you reach down and touch your toes can be very bad for your hips and tendons (that's why it hurts). Also, I remember being pushed to run very intensely/do stairs in a cold ass environment. I don't have breathing problems, but I felt like I did after the fact. I mean, I was straight up coughing and my lungs hurt. So, I assume that probably also wasn't very good for me.

Also, grains aren't always a great choice of food either. They're full of carbs and can put on weight like crazy. There's this thing called veggie bread and veggie pasta. They're better options and they also taste a hell of a lot better than whole grain (seriously, ew!) Plus, veggie pasta is colorful. That makes it look fun!

And also, it's true that raw greens are insanely healthy. But really? Would you die if you almost never had greens this way? You know, enjoying your time on Earth is also healthy, and I sure as hell do NOT enjoy raw, unflavored greens (and I'm a person who likes bitter things and vegetables). I won't touch them unless they're prepared in a particular way. Preferably cooked and with lots of spices.

Speaking of which, spices are very good for you and add tons of flavor to your food. So is vinegar (lots of flavor and no sodium). And cooking wine. And herbs. Now there's one way to make your cooked vegetables extra healthy!

Seriously, why go so overkill? You realistically won't stick to a strict diet and exercise routine. Imo, it's much better to find healthy options you actually enjoy. For me, it's always going to be cooked vegetables and raw fruit (or fruit juice). With TONS of spices and herbs and vinegar and cooking wine. I also like going on brisk walks now and then. I know I need to get more exercise, but I still just don't care to do something super intense on a regular basis (I have a retail job and it just won't work out/I need energy for school and work). I'd much rather do some simple yoga for my joints or something.

Also, red meat is not the best thing in the world. Overconsumption can be an issue. But... some of us also kind of need it. I get low blood pressure. I also have a monthly cycle. I also seem to need a higher calorie diet. Not having enough red meat can be bad for me. And no, supplements are not fool proof. You absorb more nutrients from food.

I get that heart disease, diabetes, stroke, etc. are problems in the U.S. But was this diet advice designed for someone who's genetically prone to having high cholesterol? Or who was born with a family history of some extreme diabetes? I've met people like that, and it does really suck for them. But also, maybe we don't need to design a diet for the worst case scenario for everyone?

You know, they also never really talked about stress enough. The harmful effects of it and all. Stress, and alcohol, actually cause a lot of America's top killers way more than people realize. And honestly, I can see it. I personally just don't feel very good if I've been super stressed for a long time. I mean, stress can literally cause me physical pain. And I feel like my body and mind don't function as well. It's too bad America just pushes people to have stressful lifestyles (60+ hour work weeks are becoming a norm, and I am just not someone who does well with that). Oh, lack of sleep too. Again, I can NOT function without that so-called "beauty sleep" (which is literally just the amount you're supposed to get).

I seriously need to find some people who obsessed with the laid back lifestyle.

[wordsofapanda]

I haven’t cooked a new recipe in a while and I found one online that I just had to try. I tweaked the recipe because I did not want to bother baking when I could make the recipe using my stovetop. I just used my intuition and I was super nervous it would turn out bad but it was delicious! I was hesitant that it would turn out gross because I was trying a new cheese and it can be hit or miss on my preference. The recipe was super simple and once I got my first bite, I had another small two portions and let my dad try it. My dad actually liked it too and he’s not a pasta person. I cooked the chicken perfectly and everything was seasoned juuuuuust right. I was also worried that I made too much but it was enough for dinner, lunch for tomorrow, and an extra 2 servings for my father. *sob* I’m so proud of myself.

[thedisneychef]

Kase Spatzle Recipes – Biergarten Restaurant

I was going to try so hard to save this recipe (Kaze Spatzle from Biergarten) for later in the week, but I was so excited to share it, I ended up doing it first. Isn’t that always the way? I’m so bad at waiting! And this recipe, like all really great recipes, has a story associated with it.  But first, a little background on the dish. Spatzle is a distinctively German dish, translated quite literally to “little sparrow,” and it’s like a cross between an egg noodle and a dumpling with a texture that ranges from fluffy like scrambled eggs, to more al dente. More Delicious Recipes You Will Love: - Guinness Stew – Rose And Crown Pub And Dining Room - Katsura Grill: A Serene Japanese Restaurant in the Heart of Epcot - Key Lime Coconut Martini- Walt Disney World Resort In Germany, you find it served almost like one would find mashed potatoes in the US, and they’re served with everything from butter to gravy, even with cherries for a sweeter dish. Finding them as a side dish for all meals, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, isn’t that uncommon at all. They are very much a staple of German cuisine. Now, my family is German, my mother is actually first generation as both her mother and father (my grandparents) came to the US from Germany just before World War II. Pair that with spending two summers in Germany, it goes without saying that I’ve had a lot of spatzle in my time. When I went to Germany I had the fresh stuff daily, and since you can actually find it like dried pasta in the international section of most grocery stores, I had a pretty steady amount of it stateside as well. I’m sure everybody has a food that, just the sight of it, triggers 100 happy memories… Spatzle is mine. When I turned 18 I got my very first cookbook as a birthday present and it actually had a recipe to make fresh spatzle. I was so happy to see that not only was it super simple, that it had none of the steps that makes it tedious to make from-scratch pasta at home, and the ingredients were all very basic and easy to find. I made a batch on the spot and I was hooked on doing it myself ever since. I’m actually a little proud to say that my spatzle is something of a family tradition. I make it for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and various special family events through the year. I will freely admit that the way I make spatzle would make a German housewife proud, and a chef cry. Most of the time when you order a dish that has spatzle, it’s made using a spatzle press. What it makes are pea-like little dumplings called Knöpfle or “tiny buttons.” It makes very uniform noodles that, on a whole, are considered more attractive and presentable. Occasionally you’ll see one that works a lot like the noodle attachment on a Play-Doh and it’ll make ribbon or thick, spaghetti-like noodles. However, the traditional method of making spatzle is to scoop small amounts of batter using a fork or a spoon with numerous large holes, dropping large ribbons or globs of the batter into boiling water. The noodles were all of various sizes and textures, but despite this, it was nearly impossible to over or undercook them.  When the dough was dropped in boiling water, it sank to the bottom, and when it was fully cooked, it’d rise to the surface. In fact, that’s where the name came from… The whispy noodles floating to the top of the boiling water amidst the froth created during the cooking process looked like a flock of little sparrows in the clouds. Spatzle dough itself is a wonderful medium for adding all sorts of little flavor boosters. I’ve put herbs and finely minced garlic in the dough and, while not traditional, it sure tastes good. I also love to boil the noodles in chicken broth or very heavily salted water, though never add oil or butter to the boiling water. It doesn’t do much to prevent sticking, and it messes with the texture of the noodle. Instead, add the butter after it’s come out of the water. Speaking of butter… Use a lot of it, even if you plan on putting another sauce with it. It keeps the noodles from sticking and buttered spatzle is the best thing in the world. It goes without saying that this dish is amazing… I love how it tastes exactly like German kase spatzle, and I love that they actually cook it using the traditional method of just chucking the cheese and butter in, as opposed to making a sauce from flour, butter, and milk and melting the cheese into that. All that’s missing from this dish to make it authentic German, and exactly like dining at Biergarten, is the German band. In addition to the delicious food and recipes, Disney World is also known for its unique dining experiences, such as character dining and themed restaurants. Whether you want to have breakfast with Mickey Mouse, dine in a replica of a sci-fi drive-in theater at Hollywood Studios, or enjoy a meal with an ocean view at the Coral Reef Restaurant in Epcot, there's something for everyone. And with the help of Recipes Today and the How to Make category, you can even recreate some of these magical dining experiences in your own home. So why not start planning your next Disney-inspired meal or dining experience today? Read the full article

[dreadsuitsamus]

Hi! Can I request a human!reader teaching Goku how to cook so he can impress Chi-Chi? I love to cook myself, so I thought it'd be a cute idea!

Bone App the Teeth | Goku & Reader |

author's note: i was actually in the process of writing a goku fic when i got this request! i also happen to think it's a cute idea and absolutely love the idea of goku and the reader being old pals spending an afternoon together to get goku out of the doghouse :p i hope you don't mind i added a slight bit of vegeta x reader as a background pairing to add more to the story!

pairing: goku &fem!reader (it's platonic!) vegeta x fem!reader, goku x chi-chi

warnings: goku being a terribly cute student, vegeta being a little jealous, small mention of trying for pregnancy, in general just some fluff between two old friends!

You're reading on the couch when you get Goku's phone call. He's speaking incredibly fast and fumbling his words, which sounds alarm bells in your head. It can't be something super serious, after all, since you would definitely not be the first person he'd call for help. You set aside your book and take a deep breath.

"GOKU!" You yell, succeeding in getting him to stop talking for a moment.

"Why'd you yell at me?" He whines pathetically.

"So I could tell you to slow down and start over!"

"Oh, sorry about that!" Goku laughs and then sighs. "I really need your help."

"Tell me what's up."

From there Goku launches into a tale of what essentially boils down to him needing a way back into Chi-Chi's good graces after an incident the night before. He didn't go super in detail, but to you it sounded like he'd gone and ruined dinner last night with his ravenous Saiyan appetite, and he wanted to make it up to his dear wife.

Only problem was, he had no idea how to cook.

"So that's where you come in!" Goku says, and you can literally hear that big smile on his face. "So whaddya say? Can you help me?"

"Of course I will!" You smile. "Come on over and-"

"I'm here!" Goku now stands in front of you, hands on his hips and his eyes smiling, no doubt excited to make up his mistake to Chi-Chi.

You scream, holding your hand to your chest. "Goku! You can't just-"

There's the sound of shouting from outside, and then Vegeta is suddenly in the living room. "Who the hell dares attack my w- Oh, it's Kakarot." He scowls, arms crossed over his chest.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya!" Goku rubs the back of his neck. "Hey best buddy!" He waves at Vegeta.

"No." Vegeta glares at Goku. "Why are you in my house?"

You stand up, your heart back to a normal beat. "I'm teaching him how to cook, sweetie. Would you like to join us?"

"Tch. I'll pass." Vegeta turns and heads out to resume his training. You shake your head and pat Goku's arm and lead him to the kitchen.

"So, when do you think you'd wanna make this meal for Chi-Chi?"

"As soon as possible!" Goku says. "I wanna make something she'll love."

"Hmm..." You put a curled finger to your lip, thumb pressed to your chin as you consider something that you know your longtime friend loves. "Last time she and I went out with Bulma, we went to this really nice restaurant and she tried something called 'chicken cordon bleu' and she said she really, really liked it."

"Chicken what?"

"Cordon bleu." You repeat. "It's a simple dish that I think you'll be able to make just fine! It's chicken wrapped around ham and cheese, which is then breaded and fried or baked. I've had it a several times before myself and it really is a tasty dish."

"Then let's get to it!"

You smile softly. "Alright, let me make sure I've got everything we'll need first."

You hum softly and start looking through your refrigerator and cupboards, Goku scratching his head as you pull more and more out onto the kitchen island. "I thought you said this was simple."

"It is, I promise. Most of this is just seasoning that's gonna make it taste better."

Goku grins. "In that case, the more the merrier!"

"That's the spirit." You chuckle and fish out everything else, happy that you didn't have to lug Goku to the grocery store. (Or worse, be instant transmissioned there with him.)

"First, we wash our hands." You remove your wedding ring and set it aside, and Goku washes his hands right after you. "And now we'll prep our chicken."

As you show Goku how to properly clean and prep the chicken thighs you had tucked in the fridge, Vegeta peeks inside through the window above the sink, a frown on his face. He sees your wedding ring off to the side and scoffs. He knew he should've gotten you one with a larger diamond...

He swears to himself and flies away, angrily punching a tree before going into the training room Bulma had built for him in your backyard. (In actuality she'd built it for you, knowing full well how irritating her ex could be at times so you could shoo him away to train when he was on your nerves.)

Back into the kitchen, you've just laid a piece of plastic wrap over one of the pieces of chicken. "Okay, you'll probably like this part. The chicken is too thick to roll up, so we need to take this little meat mallet and flatten it out."

"Oh, I can do that easily!" Goku picks up the mallet and smacks it against the poor piece of chicken, splitting it in half. "Uh... Oops?"

You rub your forehead. "Not so hard, Goku."

You set him up to try again, and this time he tones down his strength and flattens the chicken with the mallet until you stop him. He smiles, proud of his handiwork, and repeats the process until there's no more chicken to flatten.

"You've always been a quick study." You comment fondly and clean up the island to move to the next step, encouraging him to add some more seasoning to the kitchen while you set up the ham and swiss cheese.

"This part here is probably the hardest thing about the recipe, and it's still super easy."

Goku nods and his eyes are trained on your hands after he's washed and dried his again. You lay out two layers of ham and cheese and then carefully pinch in the sides of the chicken and roll it up, leaving the seam side down against the plate. "After we roll them up we'll bread them and get them in the oven."

"Okay!" Goku smiles and attempts rolling one up himself, but some of the filling ends up sticking out. You unroll it and put your hands over his, helping him to keep it all together like the one you had previously rolled. "Keep it neat, Goku. Presentation matters!"

"I guess that's true." He concedes. "Chi-Chi makes the most delicious looking food! And it smells good... But most of all, it tastes good!"

"And that's why we're gonna give all three of those qualities right back!" Goku's smile makes you laugh, your chest light and mind at ease. You always loved having one-on-one time with your friend.

You wash your hands again while Goku very carefully rolls all the chicken up, setting up the breadcrumbs and mixing them with paprika, and then adding some water to beaten eggs. Goku's just finished with his latest step and instinctively washes his hands, rushing back to the island and bouncing with eagerness.

"How much left?"

"Almost there, buddy. Now we're gonna dip them into this egg mixture and roll it in the breadcrumbs after, and after that they go into the baking dish!"

"Chi-Chi's gonna love this." Goku smiles and takes initiative this time, picking up a piece of the chicken and dipping it in the eggs. You instruct him to let some of the excess drip off and then switch hands to roll in the breadcrumbs.

"A wet hand and a dry hand is the best way to bread something. It keeps things as clean as possible." You explain, greasing a casserole dish. "Maybe next time we make this I'll teach you how to pan-fry, but today we'll stick with baking the chicken."

"Oooh, getting stronger in the kitchen? I like the sound of that."

You laugh and the two of you finish prepping the meal in a companionable silence. You think back to when you met Goku all those years ago. You'd reunited with Chi-Chi, an old friend you hadn't seen since childhood, and learned that she was married to none other than the boy she was adamant was going to marry her even back in the day. Goku was looking around, undoubtedly bored, and complaining about being hungry. That's when you'd invited them over for dinner, and ever since then Goku would come over for a meal anytime he was hungry after Chi-Chi had closed down the kitchen for the night.

"Thank you for doing this." Goku says softly after he's washed his hands for the last time. "You're really helping me out here. You're always here when I need you. You're really the best."

You smile at your old friend. "You've saved the world countless times, Goku. I'll help you with anything, cooking or not, anytime. Hell, you're the reason Vegeta and I got together. I basically owe you the whole world for that alone."

Vegeta, who has come back to listen at the window after being unable to focus on his training, crosses his arms and smirks proudly. For all the times you roll your eyes, mutter things under your breath and ignore him as he rants about his Saiyan pride... You still find him worth more than the world. With that, he stands and strides into the kitchen and grabs your waist, pulling you in and pressing a firm kiss to your temple before striding right back to train, this time his mind clear.

You raise a brow, and Goku can't help but laugh. "I don't wanna throw him under the bus, but..."

"He was listening at the window." You conclude, shaking your head fondly.

Goku helps you wash dishes and the two of you trade stories you've both heard hundreds of times before, laughing so much that Goku has to catch you from falling onto the floor at one point. You wipe your eyes, body still shaking from laughter, and then dry your hands, clearing your throat.

"Alright, now we'll make the sauce for the chicken and make some rice, and then you should be good to go."

You set Goku up to grate the parmesan and you fix the rice up in the rice cooker, and with some dijon mustard, butter, flour and milk, you help Goku make a lovely sauce. You get some on a spoon and hold it out to Goku, whose eyes light up at the flavor. "Man, you never stop amazing me with your skills!"

"I'd hope not, since I used to be a chef." You laugh.

"I've been meaning to ask why you stopped." Goku sits on one of the island stools while you start fixing up a quick pot of green beans.

You chop up a bit of bacon and onions, adding them to the pot with some garlic. "Well, for starters, I was just so stressed and tired all the time, which was fine when I was single. But then when I got married and became a step-mother it just wasn't working well anymore. When I'd get home, I'd start arguing with Vegeta and it wasn't healthy for our marriage, not to mention I wasn't getting much quality time with Trunks. Plus, I wasn't getting to go to birthday parties or holiday gatherings anymore since I started working at my last restaurant. And when Vegeta said he was wanting to have kids..."

Goku's eyes widen. "Wait, really? Vegeta wants another kid?"

You smile softly. "He does. I'm sure Trunks would love a sibling."

"That's really great!" Goku grins. "I'm happy for you guys."

"Thanks, Goku. Not pregnant yet, but we're working on it." You add some tomatoes and then the green beans to the pot, stirring and then leaving it to simmer. You turn and sit on another stool, opening a drawer on the island and pulling out a game of cards.

"It'll be some time before everything is ready, so why don't we play your favorite card game?"

Goku gasps. "Yes, I love Go Fish!"

You laugh and deal the cards out, and after a few games (poor Goku never stands a chance against you) you pack up his meal to take home to Chi-Chi and Goten. "You're all set, bub."

Before he teleports home, Goku gives you one last hug, and you smile and hug your friend back tightly. He presses a quick kiss to your head and pulls back, picking up the containers and within a flash, he's back home to set up for Chi-Chi.

You're in bed with Vegeta that night when you get Goku's next phone call.

"She loved it!"

[ashthemadwriter-archived]

could you write akutagawa x atsushi's twin sister reader, being caught making out by atsushi?

Fandom:Bungou Stray Dogs

Pairings:Akutagawa X Fem!reader

Genre:Fluff, Humour, Suggestive

Format:One Shot

Warnings:NSFW content, Suggestive Content but not actual smut, heavy make out session

Word Count:0.8K

A/n:well this series is definitely popular lol. here you go baby

not proofread hehe

Dating Headcanons | Pregnancy One Shot

"Pour the tea on the mixture of rice and shredded chicken breast, and mix it together...like this"

You turned your head at your boyfriend who was observing your bowl of Chazuke closely, as he reached for his own and tried to do as you told him to.

"Like this?"

"Yup! And thats it! Ready to be served"

Date nights in your relationship were always simple, yet so enjoyable. What more could you ask for, other than staying at home, and enjoying the presence of your boyfriend who was too caught up with work these days to have some time for himself?

He needed a break, and you knew that better than anybody, because the signs of tiredness were super obvious on his face, no matter how hard he was trying to hide it.

Akutagawa prefered staying at home, and you didn't want to make him uncomfortable, so you asked him to come over and forget about the reservation you had for your anniversary at a fancy restaurant.

"Hey! How come yours taste better even though you barely cook? And it's literally your first time making this!" You whined with a small pout on your face, before gently punching him in the arm. It was amazing how skilled he was at cooking despite rarely doing it.

" I dont know... I just did what you'd told me to" He mumbled, slowly reaching the spoon to have a taste of his little masterpiece.

It really is delicious.

"Well damn, Ryuunosuke! Cant believe you've been hiding your cooking skills from me! gotta teach you a lesson"

"Shut up, and I told you to stop mimicing Chuuya-San's tune. Its annoying"

"I know. Why do you think im still doing it?"

From the first moment he laid eyes on you, Akutagawa knew that you were a tease. Bickering over the simplest stuff like books with you turned into bickering about which side of the bed to take. Neither of you really cared, but he was competetive and unfortunately you were aware of that.

"So... What else have you been hiding up your sleeves from me?"

At this moment, Akutagawa had trouble choosing which was more attractive, your playful tune or the cocky smile you had on.

"I dont have anything hidden up my sleeves, but i do have something in my pants that might catch your interest"

"Wha- "

Your smile was immediately replaced with a widened mouth which was not exactly enough to show how surprised and taken aback you were, but he could work with that.

And now it was his turn to be smiling.

"How- You learned that from Dazai didn't you?"

"...I might have"

"Damn!"

"Shut up!"

"Make me"

Akutagawa simply roled his eyes at your words, acting like he wasn't dying to hear these words from your mouth from the moment he arrived at your house.

"Fine, if you insist"

it was only a matter of time before his lips crashed into yours, starting a furious battle between the two of you to take authority. Where was this urge coming from? He didnt know, but he did know how to satisfy it.

The sweet taste of the strawberry flavoured candy he brought you earlier appeared really magestic to him. He wanted more, so he focused on the soft, sensitive base of your lips as his tongue slipped inside your mouth; and fortunately that didn't stop him from placing his hand on your clothed sex.

Akutagawa was a fast learner, and he knew just the perfect way to fluster you due to past "experiences".

You suddenly lost track of time, too lost in a fog of euphoria to notice what was happening around you; so when you found yourself almost naked, having nothing but a claret set of lingerie on as he was giving you goosebumps by burning the sensitive skin on your neck, you were surprised.

Only if you had the opportunity to tell him how unpredictable and charming he actually was.

Akutagawa's hand went down on your body, landing on your laced panties to take them off, when you suddenly heard the door getting opened.

"Y/n! I bought us dinn- "

Atsushi was frozen in the spot the second he laid eyes on you, and where Akutagawa's hand was of course.

The sound that was filling the room changed from your heavy breathing and silented moans, to a deadly silence.

You were comfortable around your brother, but your flushed cheeks and embarrassed expression showed that this case was a bit different than usual.

Atsushi shared the same expression as you, of course.

"You...you...lock the damn door!"

Atsushi barely cursed, but you knew that things were serious when he did.

Akutagawa however, seemed more irritated than embarrassed; and Atsushi could clearly see that.

"And you...I hope someone does this to your sister!"

Atsushi slammed the door behind him and ran toward the stairs as he was trying to get out of Rashumoun's approach, wishing to forget the scene he'd just witnessed.

He didnt even let you remind him that locking the door was pointless, since he also lived there and happened to have a key.

Reblogs are really appreciated :)

[weaselle]

Ze took a deep breath and walked into the super market.

Storefront boredom, hoarded horrors, wars of wares for normal boarders -- stop. Concentrate. Ze just needed to get... shit, what was it? Coffee. Ze was out of coffee. The caffeine kick, swift pick up quick, don’t stop in the pit stop licketty-split. And paper towels. Was Ze just standing in the entryway? How long had Ze been standing here? Don’t need a cart don’t need a hand basket just here for two things, move. And mouthwash, three things; also could get dinner to avoid cooking: that stovetop magic, love lost tragic, great to create food, rude not acted actually good to do but blast it after the eat creeps dish pile drastic -- c’mon, focus. What aisle was Ze in? Juice, yeah, got a day and half worth back home might as well, don’t want to be doing this again tomorrow. Damn it, alright, go back for a hand basket.

Coffee got for the coffee pot the allotted stock more than less but less than a lot - a two pound bag. Straight shot to the mouthwash but so much public jumbled like pinball bumpers, so turn down the mostly empty...

... candy aisle? Evil, ah evil, look at the chocolate, largely sourced from plantations utilizing child slaves, so much money pouring in from chocolate companies that while slavery worldwide had dropped dramatically in the last several decades, slave trade in the areas surrounding the chocolate plantations was actually increasing. And here, shelves of chocolate, the labor of children sold into slavery, offered for just the right price in packages requiring designers and machines more costly than the lives bought and sold to work the harvest; can’t sell this bloodied treat in simple brown paper, no, it has to compete with the hundred other chocolate brands, but of course, all those brands were owned by the same three companies. Look, here was one chocolate item wrapped in Wholesome™ packaging proclaiming the chocolate to be not only organic but also sourced from independent cocoa farmers focused on helping women build better lives. But that chocolate company was just a brand name owned and operated by one of the same giant three corporations that bought chocolate harvested by children stolen from mothers and sold into forced labor. All to fill a carefully calculated percentage of shelf space in this pleasant nightmare. These weren’t goods they were selling, if anything they were bads. Hoarded horrors in this war of wares.

People, people, in the way, or was Ze in their way... as usual Ze was a crowd of one not at one with the crowd, mumbled excuse-mes not allowed to be loud, while the silent voice’s noises shouted out! get out! But Ze still needed dinner and mouthwash.

Past the eggs which Ze could rarely eat anymore, used to like the ovarary production of the aviary, until the introduction of some drugs or somethin’ made it very hard to savor properly, a flavor like a cemetery, some property industrial, that’s possibly some commentary on the bigger problem: that our produce, all our meat and dairy’s basically controlled by cash, so have to stay completely wary.

Shit, Ze had done a whole loop around the store, head full of eggs.

Ze turned the corner into the next aisle, where meat ranched overcrowded on deforested land was dyed the cartoon color children were raised to expect. Bright red steaks, orangish pink chicken.

How was Ze supposed to buy and eat these things, knowing that not only were the healthy qualities of the foods compromised, not only was the world itself harmed by their industrialized production... but also studies indicated enjoyment of the food, trust in the food, these things effected the very ability of the body to absorb nutrients from the food.

When presented with the same ingredients in a form unfamiliar or untrusted versus in a form trusted and enjoyed, the nutritional uptake by the person eating that food was noticeably different. And knowing what Ze knew, there had not been a meal in years that had been trusted, that had not been tainted by guilt and uncertainty, the subtle aftertaste of evil.

Ze left the super market shattered and exhausted, halfway home before realizing the mouthwash had never made it into the hand basket.

[superbdragoncollection-stuff]

Thoughts on Separate Tides and Allergen Representation; an Essay

“No appleblood. I spent the money on gryphon eggs for Luz. There’s not a lot she can digest here, so I make sure I have her favorites around.”

“Because you stuck with me, you lost your magic! You almost got turned to stone, and now you can’t even afford your appleblood because you’re worried about what I need to eat!”

This episode had a very surprising, and very sweet display of allergen representation. I really appreciate Luz’s issues and anxieties in this episode. While it’s presented in a fantasy way, when she explains how upset she is about her food restrictions, it speaks to a real issue affecting people with allergies and digestive problems. As someone with a food allergy growing up, the moments really spoke to me. I have Celiac Disease, which means that my body can’t digest gluten, a protein in wheat. I can eat the stuff physically, and the symptoms aren’t obvious like a peanut allergy. This makes it difficult to detect. The way it manifests is that my stomach can’t digest the protein. It will go through my small intestine, and tear up the lining of the organ that absorbs food, and what remains of the lining has a hard time absorbing other nutrients, causing me to essentially starve. These symptoms don’t appear immediately, taking days, weeks, or even months to register, making it even more difficult to detect. While gluten is something health nuts are obsessed with lately, it is a very real threat to people with my condition. My food can’t share the same plate, can’t share the same space; if they even so much as come into contact I have to scrap the whole meal just for safety’s sake. When I was younger, before I was diagnosed, I didn’t grow an inch for two years because my body had gone into maintaining the bare minimum needed for survival. My bones think they’re younger than they actually are. When I was diagnosed and I recovered, I grew a lot. What spoke to me in this episode was Luz’s discomfort and distress at Eda’s money troubles when it comes to food. It wasn’t a joke, it wasn’t mean, it was really meaningful, it’s a fact of life. It’s much like how Eda’s condition was treated in the first episode she appeared, just a part of life. Gluten free food is expensive, finding places that won’t actively poison me is exhausting, and I’m constantly worried about cross contamination. Even a few crumbs can be a problem. Frequently I will feel like a burden, like I’m being pedantic even though this is vital to my health. I cannot live off food with gluten, I will die. Yet it still feels as if I’m a burden. I’m right there with Luz; hearing people having to talk about our food sensitivities, and having to accommodate us, even if it's in a loving way like Eda said, is upsetting. I’m also going to guess that like me, Luz is also a picky eater even amongst stuff she can eat. On school trips, I always needed special treatment; it tended to be something that I don’t care for even if it was gluten free, or dry sandwiches I brought from home while my peers chowed down on pizza. I remember the looks everyone gave me. I have to explain to every single restaurant I find my condition. Even if they’re understanding, it’s a pain. Luz has been confirmed to be neurodivergent, and I am right there with her as well. It takes an immense amount of mental energy to find restaurants, to find the right menus, find the ones with the right accommodations. Food can’t even be cooked in the same fryer if I want to avoid cross-contamination. It’s terrifying and upsetting to constantly have to go to the front of the line and ask for what feels like conspicuous special treatment. As a neurodivergent person, social anxiety makes this so much worse. I constantly fear the cooks are cursing me under their breath for inconveniencing them, I fear that people behind me are whispering and that any moment a hand will land on my shoulder and demand I get to the back of the line with everyone else. Sometimes I will get food that I simply don’t like, or hasn’t been cooked right. Asking to have it fixed is terrifying, and I fear the people around me even more. Luz may not be super poor on Earth, but she voiced a lot of anxieties and frustration that people like me have. I'm from a well off family that could afford the additional expense of gluten free food, but I can’t imagine what a nightmare it is for real families who can’t afford gluten free food, or who can’t even

afford a diagnosis. To add insult to injury, many people will mock or dismiss us as being liars, pedantic, or just picky. It is a common thing to mock people with gluten free preferences; the Angry Birds movie made fun of it. I hear people complain about how expensive the food is even if they don’t have to eat it. People will offer me bread even after I explain to them what it will do to me. Dennys seems to have adopted a chain-wide proclamation to refuse to accommodate gluten free people. I have not eaten there in three years, because we experienced serious food problems in restaurants in Virginia and Vermont. Virtually every time I entered a Dennys three years ago, I would ask for a plate of plain and simple chicken that normally comes with toast, and I ask them to remove that; somehow, they would always screw up the order by putting glutinous bread right on top and ruining the whole meal. Yes, we are that sensitive to contamination. If it even touches the food the meal is ruined. Once, it was understandable because the waiter had been awake for eighteen hours. The other times were not. I saw the waiters argue with the other staff, I had a manager once come out to explain my own disease to me, even as two pieces of toast just sat there stewing on my chicken. That feeling of being a burden, of hearing people argue about trying to help you, stings very much. Some people will assume that we just don’t like wheat; I’ve heard horror stories of people trying to “prove” someone didn’t have Celiac Disease by secretly putting it in their food. The fact that we don’t go into anaphylactic shock when we consume it makes this a common problem as it leads them to assume it’s not an issue. It being a fad diet has also made my life worse; I have to constantly specify that I am not just gluten free, that I have an actual medical condition. I have to carry cards in my wallet to explain the situation. It feels like the world around me conspires to keep me from being healthy. And it feels like the world hates people like me for it. The best representation I’ve ever gotten for Celiac Disease was a CollegeHumor sketch. Most of the time, allergen representation is a joke, even if it’s informative and not meant to be mean. The Owl House breaks that trend with these two little exchanges. “No appleblood. I spent the money on gryphon eggs for Luz. There’s not a lot she can digest here, so I make sure I have her favorites around.” “Because you stuck with me, you lost your magic! You almost got turned to stone, and now you can’t even afford your appleblood because you’re worried about what I need to eat!” Luz’s snap at Eda about her food sensitivities is something I feel. I don’t often get allergen representation like this, especially any as loving and kind as this. Even to family, who love and support me, I can feel like a burden, as if there’s something wrong with me that is somehow my fault, and not the fault of a genetic disease dating back thousands of years. It’s deeply upsetting and frustrating to experience this. No matter who it comes from, it hurts a lot. I’m glad The Owl House captured this feeling perfectly. It’s good to know I’m not alone here. I’m glad to see representation where facts of my life aren’t seen as a joke.

[kpoppwriter]

Make Me Insane

❧ Genre: fluffy and suggestive (Tattoo Artist!Yuta x Baker!reader)

❧ Words: 1.7k+

❧ Warnings: marking, super light dry humping, 

❧ Synopsis: A dinner date at home with Yuta was normally a sweet date that you both enjoyed but what happens when it takes a bit of a...steamy turn? 

❧ A/N: today has been a crappy day at work but I was finally able to finish this yay!

Piercings and Pastries | A Simple Gesture | Make Me Insane | Birthday Cake | Wandering Thoughts

~※ Main Masterlist ※~

You were humming to yourself along to the music drifting into the kitchen from the living room. You happily chopped up vegetables for the dinner you and Yuta had planned on cooking that evening. Yuta was currently at the store getting some ingredients you needed before he came over. A dreamy sigh left your lips as you thought about how ideal this all was. Your thoughts were interrupted by a knock echoing through your apartment. You put the knife down and headed for the door. A wide smile spread across your face when you saw Yuta standing outside with grocery bags in each of his hands. He laughed as he stepped inside your apartment. 

“I swear every time I see you you’re wearing an apron.”

“I’m a baker. What did you expect?” you laughed

Yuta put down the groceries on the kitchen counter. He turned to face you, the same soft smile you were now used to seeing gracing his lips. He reached out and pulled you into his chest for a hug. Your arms instinctively wrapped around his torso hugging him back. You could smell the cologne he normally wore mixed with a hint of latex and 70% alcohol on his shirt; a pretty familiar smell to you now since he always smelt like that after work. He pulled back and pressed a kiss to your temple. 

“Shall we get started?” 

“I actually already got started,” you gestured over to the vegetables on the cutting board

“Ah, look at that, you overachiever,” he teased, pinching your cheek, “Well, I’ll put away these groceries while you finish that up.”

You stopped Yuta before he started diving into the bags. You grabbed his arm to make him stay where he was. 

“I got something.”

You took a suspicious looking piece of clothing off of the counter and held it up for Yuta to see, 

“An apron?” he questioned

“Yeah! Since we cook a lot I thought I’d get a spare apron for you.”

 Yuta couldn’t help the butterflies that erupted in his stomach from your cute gesture. You helped him put it on, your fingers easily tying the strings around his waist securely. The close proximity brought a light pink tint to your cheeks even though you’d been in situations similar to this many times. There was just something about Yuta that made you shy, even after 5 months of dating. Who knows if time would ever fix that though. 

You went back to cutting up vegetables while Yuta unpacked the groceries. You made small talk as you each worked on your respective tasks. He asked you how the bakery was that day and you asked him how he snuck out of work early to come have dinner with you (”I promised Jaehyun I’d close for a week so you better enjoy this time together while it lasts.”). 

After putting all the groceries away, you asked Yuta to start simmering some chicken broth. He put a pot on the stove and added the chicken broth, waiting for your next instruction. While he waited, he decided to take some time to admire you in secret. You back was turned towards him and your focus was on the vegetables you were preparing. You weren’t wearing anything stunning or fancy- just a smile pair of sweats and a tank top- but Yuta was still enamored by you. Every time you moved, a little bit of skin peaked out from between the waistband of the sweats and the hem of the tank top. It wasn’t anything overly scandalizing but it made Yuta’s mind run wild. He couldn’t stop thinking of his hands running all over your body, his fingers dancing over your skin and the sweet sounds he was sure you’d make and the feeling of-

“How’s the broth?” 

Your voice brought Yuta back to reality, his eyes blinking a couple times as he tried to regain his composer. He looked over at the pot on the stove that was practically boiling now. 

“It’s ready,” he mumbled

“Ok perfect,” you hummed

You brought the vegetables over and slid them off the cutting board into the broth. You added a couple spices and herbs to the pot before stirring the mixture up. Yuta stood behind you, his arms around your waist. He pressed a kiss just below your ear making you twitch in response, the kiss tickling your sensitive skin. Amused by your reaction, he pressed another kiss in the same spot. A small whine left your lips. He couldn’t help but continue leaving open mouthed kisses all along your skin. The reactions he was getting were just far too good. Your hands stilled, your mind going blank at the sensation of Yuta’s lips on your neck. His hands traveled down to take purchase on your hips. His fingers rubbed soothing circles into your hip bones, the simple action making you quite flustered. Your eyes closed and your head moved to the side to give him more access to your neck. Yuta was very pleased by how responsive you were being to his ministrations. But much to your dismay, he stopped abruptly, his focus now on the soup on the stove.

“It looks like it’s done,” he whispered in your ear

“Ah..y-yeah...” you gulped

You stirred the soup to make sure it was really done then turned off the burner. Yuta finally let go of your hips so you could get some bowls for the both of you. He was rather pleased when he saw how flushed your cheeks had gotten. They almost looked as red as the peppers in the soup.

You served some soup for the two of you and brought it over to your dining room table. You both took a seat and began devouring the food, the hunger built up from working hard all day. You or Yuta barely spoke except for the occasional praise of how good the food was. You thought Yuta was being quiet because he was too busy eating to make conversation but in actuality, his mind was mostly clouded with thoughts of you in the most compromising positions and making the most lovely noises. He wasn’t sure how much longer he’d survive if he kept thinking about these things. 

Dinner was finished rather quickly and the two of you spent some time cleaning up the kitchen before going to watch a show in your bedroom. Normally, you’d spend your time cuddling on the couch with Yuta after dinner. But you were feeling bold tonight (and you really wanted to lay down after your busy day at the bakery). Yuta definitely didn’t complain.

You were wrapped up in Yuta’s arms, your head on his chest. His fingers traced little patterns on your skin. You tried to focus on the show playing on the TV but your mind was so preoccupied with the sensation of Yuta’s fingers on your body. His fingers eventually found their way up to side of your neck. Your body jolted when you felt his fingertips ghosting over your sensitive skin.

“What’s wrong, babydoll?”

You could hear the smirk in his voice.

“It..that tickles,” you cleared your throat

“It tickles?” he teased, “It didn’t seem like you were ticklish before when I was kissing your neck.” 

“I- but..that’s different!” you huffed

Yuta laughed as he moved you onto your back, his body now hovering over yours. You could feel your heart beating a mile a minute as you stared up at Yuta. You let out a shaky breath waiting for his next move. 

“So it would tickle if i just...”

He leant down and pressed a small kiss to the side of your neck. A small noise escaped your mouth, which was just a delight to Yuta. He left a few more pecks to your neck before sucking a small mark onto your skin. You squirmed beneath him trying to keep your composure. 

“Yuta,” you whined

You heard him curse under his breath, his teeth grazing over the red mark he just left. Your hands traced moved along his arms, your nails occasionally scraping at the tattoos on his skin. One of his hands snuck under the hem of your shirt giving him more skin to touch. He stopped his hands just below your breasts leaving there. He pulled away from your neck and captured your lips in a feverish kiss. 

“God, you make me go insane,” he mumbled against your lips, “You don’t know the effect you have on me.”

His words drew another whine from your lips and made your face flush a bright red. His name left your lips again. He pulled away from your lips, a pleased smile gracing his face when he saw how red your face was. You grabbed onto his shirt and gently tugged on it. 

“Yes baby?” 

“I- umm...” you avoided eye contact with the man above you, “I know we haven’t done anything more than kiss- mostly because I’m a bit shy and a little inexperienced- and I know you’re a little more opened minded with stuff like..this and I’m-”

Yuta pressed his lips against yours shutting you up. His hand gently cupped your cheek, the pad of his thumb stroking your skin. 

“You’re rambling, sweetheart,” he chuckled

“I know. I just...” you let out a shaky breath,” I want you.”

Yuta stared down at you, his eyes making you feel small. You tried to look away but the hand on your cheek kept you facing him. 

“Are you sure baby?” he asked, “You know you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“No! No, I want this,” you assured him

“Okay babydoll,” he kissed your forehead, “But you have to promise me you’ll stop me if you want to stop.”

“I promise.”

“Good,” he leaned down, his mouth beside your ear, “And I promise I’ll make you feel real good.”

He ground his hips into yours making a sweet moan leave your lips. One of your hands gripped at his upper arm while the other flew into his hair tugging at the strands. A low groan came out of Yuta’s mouth.

“Fuck baby,” he groaned, “You barely know what you’re doing but you’re turning me on so much.”

You wriggled under the male, his words sending a shiver down your spine. 

“Yuta, please I..I need you,” you whimpered

He pulled back and looked down at your desperate figure, your hands refusing to let him get too far. He gently pinched your cheek.

“You’re so cute,” he cooed, “I’ll take good care of you, babydoll.”

[sweetberrysmooch]

HC: Call This The ‘Can This Man Cook’ Section

(….. I don’t think these men can cook 😔)

First post pog :D I wrote a majority of these super late at night, so please forgive and let me know of any mistakes you find <3 Also, it’s a little long lol

Characters: Dream, George, SapNap, Badboyhalo, Wilbur, Technoblade, Philza, Quackity, Fundy, Schlatt.

Warnings: None, except for a kinda risqué comment in Philza’s. Oh and I guess there’s mentions of eating meat in case someone wants the warning :3

Song Recommendation: I Love You So- The Walters

Hella fluffy! Hope you enjoy <3

From best to worst:

#1: BadBoyHalo-

Bad is the best at cooking on the server. He is the creme of the crop, absolute top one percent, king shit at cooking.

He can cook, bake, and temper chocolate perfectly, what more could you want?

His favorite to-go recipes are cheesy garlic bread and a special spicy chicken and rice recipe which he typically makes when the boys are over at his house for the night. When he’s with you he goes for something a little smoother, some mulled sweet berry cider with a smoked cod fillet, eaten under the light of candles while you quietly chat about life and your fellow friends. It’s always one of Bad’s most anticipated hangouts, and he’s very careful about planning when it comes to those days.

While he appreciates being complimented on his food or his skills, deep down he wants to have someone to cook and share his knowledge with so the cooking process becomes much richer. He’s cooked for so long and learned so much, but it means nothing if he can’t share it with another person. The moment you come to him and ask him for help on any kind of recipe, he’ll drop almost everything to help you.

Side note; he absolutely carried lunch and dinner for his fellow DTeam members. While Sapnap would mostly take over breakfast, Bad would be hounded by begging puppy looks from these adult men who couldn’t cook and kind of just sigh and get the ‘kiss the cook’ apron ready. It’s not like he hates it or anything, but the endearing factor kinda slips off after a few years of adult men groveling.

(Bad’s hands rest over yours, dwarfing them entirely as he helps you cut the pasta sheet straightly. “There you go!” He encourages, squeezing your hand gently and stepping away, moving back to dice the vegetables on the cutting board next to you. A comfortable silence falls, and with it comes something in Bad’s heart softening. The worries and exhaustion in his mind ease, and he slips into a contented routine of finely chopping and slicing. It’s been a while since he’s felt so calm. There’s nothing that can ruin this- 

The front door slams open. Footsteps walk in and approach the kitchen and you both hear it, 

“Baaaaaaaaad.” Bad cringes, taking a step back.

“Baaaaaaaaaaad, we’re hungry.” Sapnap. 

“Yeah Bad, feeeeeeeed uuuuuuus.” George. 

And then, from around the door frame, a white mask peeks in. Nobody says a word, but you can feel Bad deflate next to you like let go balloon. 

“It’s alright, big guy.” You laugh, grabbing his forearm and leaning up against him. His sad puppy eyes make you smile a little, and you try to reassure him. “We can hang out alone another time. Let’s keep working on the pasta.” He sighs, but still returns your smile. “Yeah, another time.”)

#2: Philza 

Sigh…. he can cook. Not quite as good as Bad can, but better than Quackity. A solid second place. It stems mainly from being so knowledgeable that he just knows and has tried so many different foods, but since he doesn't actually do much cooking, I'm making him a flaky second place.

Doesn’t mind cooking, but doesn’t love doing it either. He’s always focused on so many different things that he’ll forgo eating to keep working on what he’s doing. He mostly cooks for Techno and Ranboo or the few guests (you) they seem to receive. Makes great stew, and even better roasted chicken, is absolutely immaculate when it comes to cooking bird.

He didn’t teach Wilbur or Techno shit! I wish I could say it’s because he wanted to but just couldn’t, but he was literally like “hmm. Im a little busy now, maybe next year” every year!! But, this being said, if you ask him to make something with you or teach you how to cook a particular dish, he will agree to help you. Old age has really mellowed him out, and after certain events, he realizes he needs to stay a bit closer to those he cares about from now on.

He likes sweets well enough, and will always thank you for any gifts you make for him. Along with growing older, he’s had time to lose his pickiness he had in his youth. If he does end up cooking with you, he’ll prefer doing the harder recipes over easy ones. He will lose it laughing if it turns out bad, so don’t worry about any disappointment (his children make up enough of that ^^).

(“Now,” Phil starts, washing his hands quickly as you wait for him next to the cutting board. “Pufferfish needs to be prepared perfectly, or we will die when we eat it. But I don’t need to explain to you how a pufferfish works, now do I?” 

When you shake your head no, he comes up behind you, tarnished wings bound and hair pulled up in a pony tail. 

“The meat of a pufferfish is very delectable, and much better with a glass of wine.” He grins cheekily, “ If this works out well, which I’m sure it will, dinner will be delicious.” 

It falls quiet for a second, and as your hesitantly looking over the fish that may be your last, you gasp when you feel him press up against you back and rest his chin on your shoulder. “Maybe there’ll be other delicious things to eat as well,” He murmurs into you ear, before leaning back and busting out laughing. Your face feels stupidly hot. Dilfza quest activated.)

#3: Quackity-

Quackity:

Quackity can cook. I know!! I’d say he’s like the third best cooker on the list. And he’s not half bad at baking either.

He likes making up stupid bad recipes and trying them out with you, even if at the end of it the one of you up chucks your damned creations the hour after. Despite his reigning need for chaos though, he knows how to make a decent amount of recipes and strives for praise when he’s actually putting forward effort. He’ll arrange little dinner dates (“A handsome man and his very pretty friend, good food made by yours truly, and La Chona, what do you say, baby?”) and will sit there with a 🥺 look on his face until you tell him if you liked it or not.

He tries to act like he’s unaffected by your words, but even a small, “That was really good.” will make him turn red and giggle like a schoolgirl. He tries to play it off, but it’s easy to tell he loves the complements. Will also never tell you anything you make is bad. You are a deity descended upon  minecraft Earth and he is but your prettiest disciple who will uphold your honor and treat you like you should be treated!!!! But he’ll then promptly choose to help you with and guide you into cooking/baking better ^^; He loves you!

As for baking, he really likes making cakes because of how simple they can be. It helps calm him down when he can just slip into bake mode and follow a recipe and make something nice at the end of it. Speaking of, he also has a sweet tooth, but not quite as bad as Techno does. Any sweets or food you make for him is always eaten, and always held in high regard. Will try to entice you into feeding him 👀👀 so watch out.

(He’s doing it again. You try to avoid looking directly at the dopey lovesick smile Quackity has on his face at the moment, but as you lift the fork up, you get a better idea. 

You look at him (to which he seems to melt a little under your gaze), look at the fork, and then back to him, raising the piece of cake up to his lips. His expression turns flabbergasted and his blush deepens. 

He doesn’t seem to believe you for a second, until you nudge the cake close and flash him a smile. Then it’s like a switch has been flicked; he giggles, blushing, and eats the cake right off the fork. He’s gone back to smiling that silly smile again, this time even brighter, but it’s okay. You try to ignore the way your heart speeds up in your chest when he begs you for another piece.)

#4: Schlatt-

Another cooker~! He specializes with formal dinners more than anything else, and adores a good steak.

During his presidency, he didn’t cook very often. Quackity and you had to keep him fed through most of it, and the memory of watching you cook in his kitchen while he looked over work papers at his dining table leaves a mark on him, sealing a new crave for domesticity that he hadn’t ever wanted before.

Sometimes he would cook though. You, Quackity, and Tubbo would all gather around and eat together every once in a blue moon, when Schlatt was sober and calm. It feels tense at the table but also not in a way? Schlatt always seems to be chillest during dinner, a mix of the alcohol wearing off and the emphatic family feel that comes with Tubbo, Quackity, and you surrounding him.

He loves cake! It’s one of the few desserts he’ll eat, but you have to watch him closely or he’ll gorge himself of the treat. Indulge him and invite him to make a cake with you, and it will be one of the most interesting bakes of your life. How Schlatt got three eggs to stick to the ceiling is beyond you, but the look in his eyes tells you he’s completely fucking sober and hamming up his own cluelessness. You probably wouldn’t have even noticed if it weren’t for him hiding all the other eggs around your kitchen as well. How did he get one on the top of your door without it falling when you opened it? That’s between him and god.

Overall, a good 4th place on the list.

(“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Schlatt says, deadpanned, looking you right in the fucking eyes with an undisturbed egg sitting perfectly straight on his head. 

“Where are the eggs, Schlatt.” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“Schlatt.” 

“Yes.” 

The container you kept them in is completely empty on your kitchen counter, once full of eggs but now reduced to a desolate husk of its former glory. Speaking of former glories, your president turns around, arms crossed and stands there silently. 

You look around. Theres one in the door handle of in the pantry, another wedged between two slices of bread in your bread box, and- oh god. On the fucking ceiling. Three, stuck to the ceiling, unmovable. After a full minute of dead silence you manage a “What the fuck have you done?”, and Schlatt turns to look. 

“Oh hey. There they are.” Your mind turns into a rock, shatters, and crumbles into dust.)

#5: Dream-

Honestly if you’re looking for edible food that tastes range from ok to good Dream is your man. 5th place.

He knows a lot of ‘depression era’ type recipes just because he’s pretty homeless and his man hunts don’t allow him much time to hone his skills. Stuff like bread or mushroom stew comes easy to him after so many times of having to do it on the run. Bread is the only baking he won’t screw up.

Can cook meat well enough too, but doesn’t really do anything special to it (besides his sauces).

To elaborate: Over the unknown span of his life, he’s acquired these recipes for forgotten and questionable sauces that he’ll store in little jars and leave at your house for you to use. They’re odd, and the ingredients aren’t ever what you think might be edible, but they’re surprisingly tasty none the less. He likes to show you a new one every month or so to keep things fresh.

Pretty general about sweets, but has a severe love for chocolate, especially dark chocolate. Has never had one, but dreams about chocolate cake. It’s high on his bucket list and written another four times over.

One of his favorite things to do with you is bake, mainly because of how ruinous it always turns out. No matter your skill, Dream’s vibes decimates any luck the two of you will have while baking. It’s scientifically proven. You left the cupcakes in for a minute-JUST a minute over what they should’ve been and they came out rock solid. Dream tried to eat one anyway. Best part was watching him try to bite through the shell.)

(He thinks he’s over selling it, half-gnawing on the brown cupcake (it was supposed to be vanilla, he thought) and making stupid growls when his teeth barely break through the surface, but the feeling he gets when you start laughing hysterically next to him wipes away any negative thought he had and fills him with utter joy. 

It's very late into the night, and you’re both a little loopy, but all the while you still lean against him as you giggle, the spot tingling where your hand rests on his arm. 

His heart thumps crazily, before sinking. Oh god. He’s in love with you.)

#6: Technoblade-

Knows a lot, but very little. He can cook the meat perfectly fine, but there’s a difference between being cooked and tasting good. He doesn’t know how to season them. Salt is the bare minimum you get.

6th place ^^; sorry king.

He’s good with potatoes though. I like to think that the countless hours spent potato farming had to account for something. He likes having cheese and butter on them every once in a while, but for the most part just eats them salted like an animal. It’s practically a show to watch him eat a cooked potato in three bites without anything but salt on it.

Big man loves food though, even if he doesn’t eat like it. Steak and cooked fish are high on his list of foods, but only if it’s cooked by Philza. And eventually you fall into his “I trust to eat this from you” category as well, but he has a special place in his heart for Phil’s cooking. Rabbit stew is at the very top.

He also eats a lot, being 6’10 and 200 something pounds of muscle, gotta consume quite a bit to keep him moving.

As for the sweeter variety of food, he’s got a massive sweet tooth. The moment you make him an apple pie or honey candy or anything of the like, he’s immediately enamored with you. Sweet things are hard to come by on the smp, especially with how far out he lives, but it’s a secret weakness of his that is very easily exploitable.

(You’ll be the death of him, he thinks, watching you closely as you trudge your way through the freshly fallen snow towards his house. Your normal pack is lighter than it usually looks, and he worries that you may slip and hurt yourself on the ice before you make it to the door. But still, you keep walking until you're standing at his doorstep, fist raised to knock when he opens it for you. 

You look surprised for a second, and then a grin splits your face and his heart races. 

“I can’t stay for long,” you say, having spent at least 30 minutes to get there. “But I wanted to drop this off for you before you went out to hunt again.” 

Out of the bag, you pull another smaller leather bag and hand it to him gently. It rests heavy in his palm, and for a moment he’s sure it’s ender pearls that you’ve brought him. But still he opens it, and he’s immediately taken aback by the smooth golden candies you brought him. 

“They’re honey candies.” At this point you’re practically grinning. “I thought you might like some while I was making them last night.” 

He doesn’t have to see his own face to feel the deep blush setting in on his cheeks and ears. You…. you’re so…… sweet. You are very…. sweet, he admits to himself, and he is very not attached to you. Not at all.)

#7: Fundy and Sapnap tie.

Fundy- 

Has his old man's cluelessness but is a fast learner. He doesn’t have much time to expand his food repertoire so it’s pretty much the basic stuff that he’s eaten during the war or before that when he was younger.

He really likes cooking though, and will invite you to come cook with him for dinner or lunch if he wants to hang out. When they were together, Dream had given him an old dusty cookbook that had several recipes he hadn’t ever heard of before, so that’s where most of what he tries to make comes from. His favorite to date was a special mutton dish that he asked you to try with him on his last birthday. It was just the two of you, but he had never had so much fun before.

Doesn’t like eating fish however, there’s just some bad vibe he gets when he thinks about cooking one or catching one. (Desperately ignores the fish fucker. Desperately ignores the fish fucker. Despera-)

Loves sweet berries as treats, seeing as that’s the only sweet thing he grew up with. Not too big on other sweet flavors. Likes honey in his tea though.

7th place cooker, will get higher as he learns more dishes.

(He raises his wine high with a laugh, clinking your glass with it as you both giggle drunkenly. 

The lamb you had cooked together turned out amazing, juicy and tender and flavored with crimson fungus juice. The recipe was from an old cookbook he had, he faintly remembers telling you, hiding the fact that it was Dream’s cookbook that he was given after a particularly nasty argument. 

He doesn’t want to think about him, especially not while he’s with you. Especially not when it’s his birthday. 

So instead he ponders the trip through the nether he took with you to harvest some of the fungi, how the juice was tangy and slightly bitter, but how it had done wonders when basted onto the meat while frying. 

You had looked so happy when you two plated the dish, so proud of him, all in a way that Dream never was. 

Even now, as you tiredly smile at him from across the table, cheeks pink and eyes focused solely on the moment you were sharing, he feels at peace for once. This is what contentment felt like. Oh, how he loves you so.)

Sapnap-

Shame the shit cooker. Ok ok, he’s not as bad as some of the others on this list, but that’s just because he can make a half decent breakfast. It’s not much competition.

Bad has desperately tried to teach this boy some cooking besides eggs and toast, but the only things that seem to have stuck are mashed potatoes and grilled pork chops. Neither of which he even likes enough to make often.

He prefers fish to meat, and would eat any kind of cod you offered to him. Likes smoked salmon a lot, it’s something Bad made for him a lot when he was younger. He tries to recreate the dish, but comes up short and feels disheartened when it isn’t like Bad’s. He’d appreciate any time you took with him to learn how to make the dish, and it wholly sticks to his mind afterwards. He never forgets the experience, and treasures it very closely.

Likes not-sweet sweets. Not bitter per say, but just not very sweet. He likes chewy taffy in particular, but the old lady kind that lasts 60 years but gets hard in 6 minutes after being exposed to open air. Gotta be polite about it too, or he’ll end up embarrassed and pout for an hour.

(He’s eaten 6 of those fucking taffies since you sat down on the couch, completely straight-faced as the two of you of you listen to Dream and George talking. 

At this point you’re completely checked out of their conversation, solely focused on the taffy Sapnap keeps eating. Where does he even get those? How many does he have?? You’ve been friends with him long enough to have seen him pop a taffy every other second of the day. He seems to have a stash on him at all times tucked away, filled with paper-wrapped pastel covered sweets. 

“Want one?” Sapnap asks, holding out a light blue taffy with a little star drawn in yellow dye on the wrapper. 

“What?” Startled, you lean back a bit and realize you had been staring him down as he ate, and flush with how rude that probably seemed. 

“Want a taffy? I don’t mind sharing with you, cutie.” He winks and offers the taffy again. “....” You gaze at the taffy curiously. You’ve never seen him offer another person one of his precious taffies before. Hmm. “...Yes, thanks.” 

You take it delicately, unwrapping the wrapper and taking a bite of it experimentally. It’s very lightly sweet, soft and chewy and surprisingly pleasant. 

Sapnap watches you from the corner of his eye, softly smiling when he sees you eat the rest of it. Glad to see someone else has good tastes around here.)

#8. George-

Meager man makes a meager meal. I said what I said!!! This flatbread boy knows diddly squat, and the only things he can cook successfully are bread and mushroom soup. Which he will make. And that’s all he’ll make. Any food that isn’t that is cooked by either Bad or Dream, and he’s still picky about it.

He’ll make you the soup and bread ladies and gents. I’m not saying they’ll taste great together, but he will definitely make them for you. Anything else he’s pretty critical about, and he doesn’t care much for treats or dessert. He does occasionally like dark chocolate though, which he and Dream will beg Bad to make for them. Soon he begs you to make it for him, and then you have to go ask Bad how he makes it so George won’t complain about how it tastes different from Bads. It’s a weird situation. You make a lot of chocolate. Dream and George linger at your house for weeks on end until you get fed up and shoo them away with a broom.

To his credit, even though he can’t cook much, he’s really proud of his mushroom stew. Any time you let him cook, his go-to is his mushroom stew. He likes to feed you and know that you’re not hungry somewhere, and to top it off he gets to show you his prized dish; not Bad’s or Dream’s stew, but his. He’s cute or whateva…

(George places the bowl down in front you, stepping back and turning to grab his own, before sitting down next to you. He immediately begins to eat, and you give him a half glance as you bring the soup up to smell it. 

It… doesn’t smell that bad, actually. Not burnt, at least. You spoon some of the soup into your mouth. 

Despite all you’ve seen of George’s cooking, this is pretty well made. It’s nice and warm, and the flavors are rich and the mushrooms soft. You choose to ignore the small smile of his face next to you, and keep eating your soup quietly together.)

#9: Wilbur

Wilbur can’t cook for shit. Literally nothing. This man knows apples grow from trees and that animals are made of meat and that’s it.

You think Wilbur made any of his food when he was president or exiled or ever? Not a chance. He ate anything given to him, Tubbo and Tommy absolutely brought this man all the food they could find so he wouldn’t get eat straight trash or starve throughout the presidency. Techno slid him bare cooked potatoes in Pogtopia and he thought “oh this slaps….. this is the pinnacle of food”

Which I know, not really sexy. But! This means that the moment you feed him something a step up from a bare cooked potato he is in food heaven. He especially loves saucier kinds of foods with lots of flavor and spice to them, it’s just so fucking good. Food becomes his kryptonite after you feed this silly man.

With sweets, however, he isn’t that much of a fan. He does like those small lemon creme crackers, and you and da boys are the only ppl he’ll share them with.

(You hear him before you see him. The familiar clambering at your window draws your attention away from the pork you were dicing, and one look over your shoulder shows a disheveled but grinning Wilbur. 

“I hope I’m not too late for dinner.” He jokes, brushing off his pants before approaching you to press a kiss to your temple. Soon after that you hear another set of clambering, and two pairs of stomps reveals one Tommy and one Tubbo respectively. 

“What’s for dinner tonight, mate?” 

“Hope you don’t mind if we join in!” 

You sigh, turning back to hide your smile before they can see it.)

// Hope you enjoyed! I might write a pt2 of this later with some other ppl in it lol we’ll see :3