#and trying to delete them caused physical pain

[shytastemakerthing]

I saw that requests are open and read through the requests rules post, so I hope this is okay!

Could I ask for Pomefiore + Lillia (or any characters you think would be best) with a reader that has cubital tunnel? To put it simply, cubital tunnel is a nerve condition where a nerve running through one's elbow is inflamed or irritated. The condition acts up when writing, typing, or really anything where you bend your elbows. You can usually tell it's about to when the area from your elbiw down starts to tingle. Flares usually present as a shooting pain running from your elbow to hand, numbness from elbow to hand, or both. When it's agitated for a prolonged period of time (like typing an essay or something) it can lead to the inability to properly move your fingers. Thet get stuck in a claw like position and moving them is like operating a jerky pulley system. (This is just personal experience, so it may be different for others)

Sorry this is so long! I just throught I'd try and save you the long confusing research. I've been seeing more fafics/hc/etc. with disabled readers but mostly just the more severe conditions. I think any representation is great, I just wish there was more for the less severe and lesser acknowledged ones.

Please feel free to just delete this if you don't want to do it! Hope you're doing well <3

Hello and thank you for this request! I happen to have a friend who has cubital tunnel, and as someone who has carpal tunnel (recent diagnosis as we finally found out what was going on, on top of a cyst having formed within the same wrist XD), it is well known that it is not at all fun.

Tw: None

Prompt: Pomefioren trio + Lilia with s/o who has cubital tunnel

Vil is someone who knows all about taking care of yourself, especially when you have physical limitations that actively cause you pain daily that limits what you can and cannot do throughout your day

He knew of this condition of yours long before the two of you got together, he does notice things, after all (he also has Rook)

As he grew more interested in you, he took much more notice in just when this pain flares up, especially through such simple tasks that most wouldn't struggle with

And once together? The man is a God sent.

The second that he notices that wince coming to your face, knowing that the pain is flaring once again, he is at your side (he knows better than to touch the area in pain knowing that it could be made worse through such actions)

You are taken to his room (away from the prying eyes of others), and would begin to help you to relax as much as possible. Ice packs, heating pads, gentle massages, maybe even a numbing potion here and there to help the pain (as much as he would love to always have you take the numbing potion, as he hates to see you in such pain), he does not want you to grow too dependent on them)

Whatever it is that you need, he is there. If you happen to be in class when this happens and he is there with you? He will casually help you with the writing. Now, he isn't giving you all the answers either, you still do that part on your own, but as it is less stressful for the afflicted limb, you have no complaints

All that matters, is that he is the hero in your eyes

Also knew of the affliction before he ever actually met you..... it's Rook, of course he already knew

Even if he believes that there is beauty in pain, there is no beauty in seeing the one you have grown rather fond of being in such a state, that renders even the most simplest tasks as nearly impossible

Once together, if it had been possible, he was with you or at least watching you every step of your day. He merely wishes to know what makes the pain worse and what may seem to help

At one point, a rare time where he wasn't able to keep an eye on you, Rook even used his own UM to be able to locate you (as you somehow, even he doesn't know how, manage to know how to stay hidden from the hunter), and it was safe to say no one had seen him move so fast

When he found you, safe within the confines of his room (how did he not think to check there? It had become a favored place for you to visit), your face was dried with tears, giving small hiccups in your sleep as he saw how your afflicted limb was tenderly wrapped within a heating pad

The pain must have been rather bad today if you came here to avoid being anywhere else as well as being away from everyone (honestly, who would ever willingly come to his room??)

Not wanting to disturb your slumber, Rook merely slid off his jacket, removed his hat, and would reside on the floor next to you

He would be here the moment that you woke up and needed him

Honestly had no idea as to what this condition was. Working on orchards for as long as he could remember, Epel had seen all types of pain and injuries. It came with the work, but this was certainly new to him

As to better help you, this man certainly did his research. He wanted to show that he could protect and care for you, after all

Learning that pretty much anything so simple can become virtually impossible without severe pain certainly made his chest tighten. Something so simple as writing or just brushing your teeth could cause the pain to flare

Also learned to not touch anywhere that the pain is currently residing as that could easily make it so much worse

The last thing he wants to do is cause you more pain

Once the two of you are together, he carried a backpack with him, aside from his school supplies being in it, it also holds anti-inflammatory medication, a brace, and anything else that could help

While some may mock or ridicule him, he sees it as him being a great partner for the one he loves

Vil praised him for this and it honestly felt really nice to hear. While Epel wasn't looking for such praise, it was nice to be recognized, especially when he was taking care of you

If there is anything that you need, anything at all that could help when the pain begins to flare once again, or even something simple, just let him know and he will get it for you

With how long that this fae has been around, it would honestly be a surprise if he had yet to hear of a condition such as this. Chances are, he has encountered many people in his time who suffer from this affliction

And now that he knows that you also suffer from such affliction, knowing just how hard it makes things, how much pain that it puts you in everyday?

If you thought he was doting then, this is a whole new level

As much as he really is wanting to help, it does seem a bit much (never eat anything he brings to you, just in case)

If it gets to be too much, just let him know what you really do need, and he will listen

When you show up in the middle of the night, eyes red from tears, Lilia automatically knows what is going on and ushers you gently into his room

He quickly leaves a message on his game, turns everything off, and climbs into bed next to you

Holding you carefully in his arms, he summons whatever magic he can to help numb wherever the pain is located

When you finally fall asleep, the pain now decreases to more of a dull throb, all he wishes, when he looks at those stars, is that this pain be taken away from you. It absolutely shatters his heart.

It takes him another good hour before he finally falls asleep next to you, after gently placing a kiss to the top of your head

Thank you for your request!! Have a wonderful day/night!

[feyres-divorce-lawyer]

really thinking about my state of mind after reading emily shore’s essay, like that’s the second-most highest state of distress i’ve ever been in concerning this fandom, i cried. and while i’m incredibly glad that the essay was an eye-opener, it still feels like i lost something y’know? the level of worship and care i’d placed on feysand was such a comfort cuz they were my first hyperfixation that i thought good and great, and suddenly it’s like “hey this relationship you’ve modeled your own potential romantic life after is really fucked up. like on astronomical levels” it felt like someone i knew died. but anyways, rip 13-14 feysand stan haddie

this is all i have left of you

[hotnbloodied]

Yan!Cheater X Reader

!Warning! This post contains yandere themes and topics that may be uncomfortable to people who are sensitive to the topic, read at your own discretion.

TW: cheating, implied stalking, kidnapping, physical violence, confinement.

!!READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!! MINORS DNI!!

You were with Marshall for about three years now, everything seemed to be going fine. At least, that’s what you thought. You two had met back when you were starting out as a bartender. Honestly, maybe if you listened to your coworkers about how he was at the bar all the time and took people home regularly it would have been the first red flag, but you were too naive at the time. Not to mention that the more you think about it now, the more you realize that he always seemed to know what to say, sweet honeyed words, charming smiles, small gifts. You felt like you wanted to throw up, the two of you were even talking about starting a family for crying out loud!

So imagine your horror when you decided to stop by his apartment since you got out of your, now corporate job, early to get dinner started for him and found clothes scattered throughout. Bursting into his bedroom you found him and a person you didn’t recognize both naked in his bed. After telling both of them to fuck off you stormed out of his apartment and blocked his phone number and socials. Funny thing you realized is that he didn’t know where you lived. Since in all the time you two were together there was never a time he stepped foot in your house.

At first it was hard on you, you used to care for Marshall all the time and you grieved the time you spent on him. But after the week or so of angst that you allowed yourself, you started doing better. You had more time to yourself and more freedom. You even started accepting your coworker’s invitation for drinks. But just when you thought that you found a good groove to yourself the phone calls started.

‘babe plz take me back’

‘I miss u’

‘Y did u block me????’

‘U r NOTHING w/o me!!!’

You were startled to say the least, but you knew him (right?) There is no way a proud person like him would cause a scene that would make him look crazy… (would he?) So imagine your surprise when you were heading out of work only to be grabbed by Marshall. You almost didn’t recognize him since usually styled hair was greasy and messy, his face which was usually pristine looked rough and there were a couple of breakouts, his clothes that he meticulously planned were nowhere to be found but instead he wore loose fitting mismatched pieces.

If you saw him first you might have been able to steer clear of him, but alas, he saw you first and grabbed your arm. “Please take me back!” He sobbed. “I feel so empty without you!” You cringed and tried pulling back your arm, “hey, let go of me. You’re the one who wanted to backstab me.” He gripped tighter, making you wince a bit, “I promise I’ll be better! I’ll pay attention to no one else but you! I’ll think of no one else but you! Look! I even deleted all my contacts!” He attempted to take out his phone with only one hand but you didn’t care if it was true. “Let go of me you fuck!” You swung your arm trying to break free, it was until a coworker saw the bind you were in and stepped in. Separating the two of you and knocking Marshall down. “Leave me alone, or I’ll call the cops next time!” You yelled at his fallen form.

Marshall looked up at you and started laughing, it was slow at first but turned maniacal quickly. “I see how it is, have fun with your new boy toy while it lasts! I’ll get you back.” He clumsily stood up and left hastily. Your co-worker asked if you were okay and  you thanked him for his help. He told you that you should probably go to the police station to make a statement but you brushed him off. Oh how stupid of you.

One particular late night after working late you were walking home, until you suddenly blacked out. You awoke to a throbbing pain in your head, vision blurry and unable to move your body freely. “H-huh?” “Welcome home darling!” Through your haze, you saw Marshall. He looked better than the last time you saw him but something wasn’t right. You suddenly realized that you were in a situation so you looked around the room and you saw pictures of you scattered everywhere from the ceilings to the walls and even some on the floor. “Where… am I?” He scoffed, “home! Do you like the pictures?” He giggled, “it wasn’t until after you left did I realize that I didn’t have enough photos of you. Which reminds me!” He took out his phone and started snapping pictures of you while in your state of being restrained and confused in an unfamiliar bed. You looked so alluring to him, so much so that it got him a little too excited that even you could see it.

“Marshall, let me go! I won’t press charges.” “Oh that’s right that you won’t press charges, cause you will never be able to! I’ve prepared this cage for you, my pretty bird. And I'm not going to let the only good thing that was a part of my life leave me... ever again.”

[b1asho]

Oougghhhh I'm BACK, FINALLY !!

Anyway, say hello to the Drecu (Dorest and Rox), one of the two species in the genus of sophonts known as the Cerest (the other guys are coming up next, they're taller and considerably more violent than the average bug lizard) Here's the info I couldn't cram into the image:

This group is called Drecu, whereas the other type is called Sundyne (Seru is the name for Sundyne royalty/their idea of the best life form)

Dorest and Rox are both under the Drecu classification, and are more closely related to their common ancestor than the Sundyne.

They have very different appearances, but they are unisex, with each individual having the capabilities of insemination and gestation.

Their dimorphism is based on what tasks they do in the colony, essentially splitting them between “”worker”” and “”soldier”” rather than male and female.

Rox are considerably larger, have thicker shells and scales, mildly venomous quills on their arms and back, and have a large thumb claw on their hands to aid in grappling and slicing.

The venom is released once the quill is detatched, as the separation causes a muscle around the sac at the quills base to spasm and send it out the tip.

It has little to no irritating effect on non-Cerest, but if one of their own is barbed it will cause localized numbness and pain/swelling elsewhere as the venom takes effect. Several quills in rapid succession has been known to be debilitating for Dorest.

They have more sensitive hearing gained through the large discs on their forehead that catch vibrations in the air. Their eyesight is worse, however, with two of their eyes being small and fixed on their forehead, mostly motion-based. Their mandibles are larger, sharper, and they sacrifice space for an ear canal in favor of more room for muscles to make the jaws as powerful as possible. When closed, the mandibles fold around the upper and lower beak to give the illusion of cheeks. Their palps fill in the gap between the bigger mandible and upper jaw, and are used to manipulate food. they also have two ‘teeth’ near the back of their mouth and throat that they vibrate their palps against and snap to speak (combined with another structure in their throat that sort of acts like vocal cords thatvtheybuse to make larger sounds).

The teeth also help them break apart hard foods like bone and other organisms exoskeleton.

Due to their larger body size/space for eggs, tendency to stay within their territory rather than forage elsewhere daily, and ability to defend themselves, Rox are often the ones who gets the eggs transferred to them for brief gestation.

Dorest are smaller, with longer legs and tail. They have stamina and speed, but aren’t really that strong, instead relying on their numbers to get things done. Their mandibles are weaker smaller, and duller but their palps are more developed and dexterous, and cover their mouth opening entirely. They speak in the same way as Rox, but they sound more high pitched.

It is unknown how naturally all of these very extremely different traits evolved since they have a storied history of genetic manipulation and experimentation on their populace (and a storied history if deleting that history from history)

Anyways as you can imagine their sex and gender can get pretty complicated. Due to how their units were originally structured (with social power coming from reproductive rights and number of children) and resulting current social reinforcement/emphasis on role division into the D and R binary , they dont actually recognize a 'neutral' or 'dual' identity despite being physically that way (similarly, trying to switch between or out of your literally assigned bio type and/or role is a big no) this is largely due to their newer Sundyne leaders, who Aren't unisex and want to put their version of the binary on everything.

For them, sex is who tops and who bottoms. They can't self fertilize but both have eggs n sperm, and would naturally both uhh transfer that, but instead their role decides who does what with what,for both population control and to conform to aforementioned mf binary that dont naturally have. Only one incubates at a time, pretty much. Dorest are usually the one who inseminates, giving the eggs over for a time, but they care for offspring once the eggs are laid/ hatch so the Rox is free again to go about their business.

The two have a power dynamic, of course. Dorest are seen as the givers, while are seen as takers, in a more powerful position. Idk I'll have to do a whole separate thing on it later.

They have a specific pronoun for each role in the unit (which can further be split into their individual rank/occupation)

For example, in the absence of a Rox, a Dorest could take up the matriarch/arch pronouns and start acting like one, and vice versa (though this is not taken seriously at All by their peers, and is even illegal in most cases)

Both have antennae that help them send and receive pheremone signals that also play into their communication. These signals typically convey more basic emotions and needs, but can have a very strong effect on the individual (for example, an extreme 'hurt' or 'scared' signal from another Drecu causes similar anxiety and stress to those around them, and may even trigger an attack response towards the source.) Their scales and areas under their shell are also full of chromatophores that they can color in specific areas and patterns to convey some words or emotions. Their eyes can pick up colors that ours can’t, so often these colors changes look very minute to us (or more muted than they actually are). The unique verbal and nonverbal signals they use make their languages hard to speak or even understand, since they can “say” something to you that you can’t see or smell. They have these nonvocal modes of communication because their vocal ability is pretty limited overall. When they do vocally speak, it sounds like a human but with a voice filter (and with lots more clicking and less resonation. They almost sound like robots with their voice coming from a broken speaker)

All Cerest go through several distinct life stages after hatching, beginning as small defenseless grub things. Once they accumulate enough stored fat, they sprout spindly blueprints of their legs and arms and start to move around more independently (these limbs and tail extensions will pretty much become their bones later) They will then continue to store energy until they go through a full metamorphosis .

The prepupa will become more active, running around to align the new limb sprouts it has and to start sucking up the rest of their organs into what was their throax region. At a certain time, they will join other prepupa in a communal chamber and incase themself into a chrysalis made from a layer of skin they grow around themselves.

They'll use their previous exoskeleton/limbs/ etc to form the more complex adult lattices of endo/exo skeleton and skin/muscles/organs that will allow them to grow larger and walk upright. This is also when their brain grows more and settles in, allowing for more complex thought.

When in the chrysalis, adults around them will ‘choose’ whether they will grow into a Dorest or Rox by introducing certain chemicals through the spiracles. This decision can be influenced by a variety of factors, including the politics of the family unit.

Once they emerge, they will grow more like a reptile/crab by shedding and molting parts of their scales and shell (often aided by hot water because they’re so big. Whether their ancestors were water based is unknown, since they have removed or altered their own evolutionary history so much that no one really knows).

Speaking of that, their adult body support system is a bit convoluted (thanks to them evolving from a purely exoskeletal species that nature never intended to get all that big)

Thankfully, it's a lot less heavy than it should because of its composition of lightweight and durable carbons (with some calcium carbonate thrown in there too).

They have plates that range from hard and thick to thin and flexible that make up a segmented outer shell that is present over all their body.

It is what they molt and is primarily used for muscle attachment in their limbs, but it mostly just covers the rest of their body elsewhere.

This is because they also have a disconnected internal tube and chamber system mainly in their head, tail, neck, and torso for more places for their muscles to attach to while maintaining that bipedal stance and organ placement.

They don’t/can’t replenish these through a molting process, and instead they’re maintained from the inside more like our bones.

The rest of their body grows and shrinks around them (though limited by the outer shell on top). Gaining fat or muscle on the arms and limbs has a limit due to the shell, but on the torso they can more easily do so thanks to a third main structural layer they have:

In between the shell and the internal structures, they have a thin skin/scales layer, which can be seen best joining the gaps between the hardest and most prominent parts of their outer shell as it covers the thinner plates underneath (some places on their abdomen, the underside of their tail, the front of their neck, and several places on their face. )

This is derived from the chrysalis layer that they grew, and when they emerge it softens and wraps them.

As it dries, it dies everywhere except the edges/gaps of the outer shell, where it stays somewhat vascularized as it attaches to the edges while the outer shell is still hardening .

This layer allows for fat storage under it and prevents everything from slipping out when they molt in areas where the outer shell isn’t actually attached to anything/ is not fully encapsulating on its own.

they shed this every so often after a new one grows from underneath to replenish it since the blood flow isn’t great. Molting becomes very infrequent after pupation, usually only happening perhaps 2-3 times (maybe 4 for Rox) in their teenage years until they stop growing. There isn't a particular age for this, since some can experience spurts later on or conversely were intentionally malnourished to stay s certain size, which is common among their under classes.

On that note, molting only happens as an adult due to extreme changes in size (for example, moving up to a reproductive position can cause an increase in size from the hormones, particularly in Rox, which can trigger a molt of the outer shell to make room.)

The population tends to be more Dorest than Rox, though this balance often shifts during wartime as more offspring are converted to Rox.

Their society is divided into distinct layers, but on a basic family unit level there is usually a lead Rox, their harem of Dorest, and then their children, following am almost eusocial strcutre.

Often, there can also be subservient Rox that are non-reproductive and serve a more grunt/foot soldier role.

Units are interconnected, and eventually become a part of larger caste divisions based on their labor skills. This happened over a long period of time, since they're naturally very competitive with each other and mixing units without specific conditions being met can end badly.

These divisions are shown through clothing and ear piercings that display the symbol that corresponds to their status, but they also etch the symbol onto their forehead. This is a permanent alteration to their scale color, and is usually done in black since all Drecu are ultimately under a Sundyne no matter their own rank.

Drecu are omnivorous, though both types tend to lean towards meat due to their higher calorie needs (Rox and gravid Dorest especially, for muscle and egg building.)

They don’t chew their food and just swallow it in chunks.

Their antenna house their sense of taste as well as smell, so they can pretty much choose to not taste anything they eat by covering them or not touching them to their food.

Culturally, they are conditioned to prefer processed food (that is easy to make and distribute among their often large populations) their cuisine more focused more on meeting basic needs than being enjoyable or helping them thrive (like a lot of dog foods XD ) along with pretty much everything else (from education to housing)

Food/nutrition access is stratified by caste, so along with their other clothing and tattoo signifiers you can also tell who’s more important based on if they have glossier scales and brighter colors.

Ill get into this more below in the section on their blood chemistry, but they have a silly little expensive metabolism makes food a very effective tool for leaders to keep under classes subservient, since it’s pretty easy to control people who rely on you to keep them functioning, and their thoughts also tend to slow to a crawl without the necessary energy.

Resource control also gives a distinct physical difference between classes, like I mentioned a second ago with the colors and shell size/quality.

Their tails, for example, are made from the hardened tube remnants of the segments of their abdomen chamber when they were larva and prepupa.

With enough nutrients throughout their teenage molts, it will spread out those 4 main internal segments with the outer shell and more muscle into a longer or thicker tail.

Without, it will be shorter and thinner since the segments themselves are smaller and closer together (in some cases staying the same length as their prepupa size since they need it closer for their more limited muscle and shell to hold onto.)

The smaller tails alongside their paler colors also gives under classes a more child-like and therefore disreputable and subservient look, furthering the divide.

Housing and other basic needs are naturally borderline impossible to access unless you're a part of a functioning unit, and if not, good luck. There are no individuals in the colony, a downside as well as one of heir strengths.

They are somewhat able to regulate their body temperature through shivering, their own metabolic heat, and their hair-like filaments on their head, but are more susceptible to temperature change since they can’t store fat well as adults due to their shell. Their horns are mostly for display and general head protection, and are pretty hollow.

Dorest hands have two main digits that operate in a pincer motion, and while the other 4 are separate they are smaller and in an opposable thumb-like position , aiding with holding things and other manipulation (kind of like if your whole hand was just your index and middle finger and 4 thumbs).

Their claws are nonretractable and closer to nails. As for their feet, they’re just hooves made from the fused toes.

Rox also have the two pincer digits, but their other fingers have fused into a larger “thumb” tipped with a thick claw that they use for fighting. Their other claws are much smaller and also nonretractable. Their foot has 2 hoofed digits and one with a dull claw for kicking (like if a cassowary was also a deer. And red.)

Their blood uses two iron-based carriers: chlorocruorin in transport cells and hemerythrin that floats free in the bloodstream, which respectively gives their blood a green and/or purple color.

As their ancestors got bigger and evolved an active respiratory and circulatory system as opposed do just having spiracles/air sacs, they also started using a secondary blood chemistry to support their original, single one.

The hemerythrin works across a general range of temperatures and oxygen concentrations, widening the range of environments they can live in, but despite the cooperative binding with each other it’s very inefficient.

Thus, it takes a lot of effort and resources for them to use it, part of the reason behind their relentless expansion into new territory for new food sources etc (their body functions like metabolism will slow down and speed up accordingly, and they’re able to strip pretty much every bit of energy form the stuff they eat due to a highly effective digestive system, but due to the limited ability to store fats for later and difficulty in breaking down their own muscles for energy without collapsing their whole skeleton, them coping with scarcity essentially means going into a coma.)

Despite this, it comes with the added benefit of giving them better and faster cell regeneration and healing (through the Bohr effect and because of its potency as an immune effector), as well as immunity to carbon monoxide poisoning (due to its low affinity for that molecule, which is helpful since chlorocruorin has a high affinity for it, which helps prevent excess buildup. They also convert any access CO into material for their shells and scales. ) and nitrogen stress/decompression sickness (again, low affinity etc).

The chlorocruorin helps them in the cooler and low oxygen environments where they originated, and in mitigating the resource cost of relying more on hemerythrin while still benefitting from it.

It also needs support from the hemerythrin when anywhere too hot (where there are more resources, and where the heat helps them with sustained activity/not wasting resources on body heat, and gives them freedom to live anywhere in the wide temp range on their original planet ).

So, they are perfectly fine in cold environments and environments where humans would be fainting from too little oxygen, but could run into problems if things get too hot (as opposed to Kixeli, who have problems when things get too cold even though their blood pigment works better at cooler temperatures, because they’re entirely exothermic and evolved more reliance on the ever-present heat on their home planet for making their body functions more efficient)

As far as interactions with other species goes, it's not that great. They believe that the universe's rock tumbler of events smoothed them out into the perfect organisms, and they've chosen to make that everyone elses problem.

(Using their wormhole technology and greater foothold in space/the being-a-sentient-species game in general, they created a system-spanning empire that originally contacted and 'uplifted' the other species I've shared so far) (by uplifted i mean subjugated btw) (however, this was done under the leadership of the only other species with a worse track record, their cousins, the Sundyne.)

I'm doing them next, followed by the last species !! Who knows when that will happen, but it will.

Yippee!!

[woolly-aph1d]

I don't know if it's canon, but i wholeheartedly believe that Erik removing the bullet out of Charles is what caused him to be disabled.

The (assumed) fact that Erik's care and love would be THE reason is crushing, and ironic, and it reflects his modus operandi so so well.

That's because Erik is a man who wants to rip the proverbial bandaid off. He sees the issue (or what he believes to be an issue) and eliminates it.

Bullet was in, and it was the cause of pain. So he removed it. He "got rid of the issue". Simple as that.

Wrong.

In that moment, he redacted all control he had over the missiles, putting his everything into removing the bullet that was hurting Charles. He put his all in hope that he will save him from more pain or even death. But it doesn't matter how focused or serene he was, how deeply inside he reached for the ability to not fall apart where Charles fell and instead redirect himself into a saviour. And it didn't matter whether in that moment, in all his body and mind, he felt that all of his training was for that exact moment. It never mattered and it never will matter because however careful and precise he was, he was not about to succesfully remove a bullet from a spine without any prior anatomical knowledge or skillset in the field. Erik's love and desperation in manouvering the bullet out was disastrous, no matter how sugar-coated with care it was. (but he doesn't know that, no)

But the bullet was not alone, it had a source.

He sees Moira, "You. You did this" he stated before trying to suffocate her. She was the one who shot at him, after all. She was holding the gun - the physical weapon and he saw her as guilty. He was the judge, he was about to be the executioner.

"She didn't do this Erik. You did"

It hung in the air like a giant stop sign.

But Erik is the bullet, and he is in control of himself just as he was in control of it mere moment before it hit Charles. He can only change direction, never stop. At least not before he hurts someone, most likely someone he loves (and maybe not even then).

He shifts in his route, no less doomed than the previous one; he is searching for unity. "We are brothers" he believes, he also believes that "us turning on each other, it's what THEY want". And it doesn't matter who he means by "them" either, any would be good if it would align their paths. But just like in that deleted scene in the empty corridors their eyes meet, each of them knowing they were trying to reach the other briefly before turning around, neither of them willing or able to join paths, only to cross. Charles wants to be Erik's "friend" while Erik searches for an ally. Charles is the home and Erik is the battlefield. Its the status quo they cannot break out of.

Charles, no matter how daft and out of touch he is, stated the truth; "they were only following orders" and Erik knew that. He heard it before. He felt it before. He lived through it. Survived it.

He was not about to follow anybody's orders ever. He was his own man, ruled by his own emotions. Same emotions that took a hold of the bullet. Same disobedience and lack of order that took Charles' legs.

Its the modus operandi, that's the source of it all.

He will take what he sees for granted, and eliminate what he sees. Sometimes its a bullet, sometimes its humanity. Or all humans, because he felt a lack of humanity from them. He doesn't see his own reflection in Charles' eyes. He cannot see his own faults.

In front of him, he sees the big picture just right, but the devil hides in the details. Sometimes what ruins the system isn't a bullet lodged into it. Sometimes issues are internal and you can't rid of them.

Mystique is a proof of Erik's faults as much as Charles'. She is what destroys the ideal and points out the inevitable. Its the internalised phobia and hatered we see throughout the movie. Getting rid of humans isn't what makes it go away. It becomes the microsegregation of palatable and non-palatable mutations within the mutant group. Erik and Charles being privileged and shown time and time again manufacturing a standard for Raven to meet, without once allowing her a safe space to decide who she wants to be - who she chooses as her most authentic self. And Raven becomes a source of hurt and discrimination herself as she abandons her child for being outwardly mutant in appearance, because she can be privileged too, if she so wishes.

Erik will not save the world, nor mutants. He will not destroy, or turn it into ashes either. It will be the same movie with different cast. Same world with different faults for Erik to see.

Erik and Charles are on the edges of a society that has to accomodate truth and find respect, but neither of them give us the resolution. Maybe because neither of us know how to save our own world either.

If you were able to spend time reading me tripping over ideas and words, you have time to interact and maybe even donate to Farah who is in great need of aid in order to get basic necessities and save up to evacuate from Gaza in order to escape the ongoing massacre caused by Israel.

Please donate and help a person in need through this link,

https://gofund.me/3523e2a7

[cravetive]

ＴＨＥ ＭＥＳＳ ＷＥ ＬＥＡＶＥ ＢＥＨＩＮＤ | ２

❈ Pairings: Namjoon x F!reader , Jimin x F!reader

❈ Genre/Au: M (18+);smut;Marriage Au;Namjoon x Jimin best friends! Cheating! Angst.

❈ Synopsis: Falling in love with your husband’s best friend was not at all how you imagined your life to go, and his return has you unraveling under the lies you’ve created to keep your family.

❈ Warnings: smut, dirty talk, oral sex (F!receiving), foul language, mentions of cheating, fingering, unprotected sex (don't do it), Namjoon is still an angel from above, Angst, Y/n gets her shit together, Angst with some alleviation, orgasms, mentions of arousal, did i say angst?, mentions of miscarriage, therapy, overworking, mentions of mental health, brief mention of suicidal thoughts, physical violence

❈ Word Count: 10K hehe

❈ Authors Note: I want to apologize for the delay, I wrote and deleted and then rewrote this so many times, I found myself struggling to give this story the right ending but I hope I did it justice and that you enjoy :) i cried a few times

Part 1 can be found here

5 boxes, that’s all it took for Y/n to pack up the life she had created with Namjoon, 5 boxes. She watched how the movers picked them up like they didn’t carry much weight like they were just meaningless boxes. She couldn’t stay, even if she wanted to, even if Namjoon had begged her, she just couldn’t stay. She recalled the night prior, the tears that fell down Namjoon’s face, each of them tearing her apart, the way he pleaded- implored her to try. to help him save what remained of their marriage but she just couldn’t. couldn’t lay next to the man whose life she had destroyed, who she had lied to for such a long time.

When Namjoon returned home that Tuesday night, he had found his house empty. There were no traces of his wife’s scent in the rooms where she tended to be, and he couldn’t hear Harumi’s squeals of excitement when he walked through the door. It only took a moment of realization for him to sink to his knees, only a second more for him to weep in agony.

The house they had chosen to live in for the rest of their lives together was no longer a home. What remained there were their memories. The rooms still held onto their laughter and the walls were still filled with their portraits, but it was empty. There was only the reminiscence of the good moments, of the love that was shared but was no longer present.

Namjoon cried and twisted in pain, reluctant to admit he hadn’t been capable of salvaging their love, he knew Y/n loved him, to a certain extent in a certain way but she loved him. No one was that good at pretending. the kisses, the touches, and the intimacy. That couldn’t have been all a lie.

-

“I love you” Namjoon muttered into Y/n’s ear as his hands roamed her body over her nightgown, the thin material doing a poor job of concealing her warm skin. Their lips moved together as his tongue danced in her mouth, with her tongue following his lead. It was the kind of kiss that left one breathless, the one that caused an adrenaline rush within the pit of one’s stomach. It carried weight all while remaining soft and laborless.

It just came naturally, for Y/n to feel consumed by Namjoon.

His touch and his scent caused pressure under Y/n’s navel, one that she could never avoid while in his presence. The movement of their lips turned hungry and desperate, causing them to reach for a breath each time they dragged their mouths against the other. Yet, they couldn’t pull away, it just felt too good for them to do so.

The sensation arising between Y/n’s thighs urged for friction, it pulsated insatiably whilst his mouth departed hers and found interest in the crook of her neck. She squeezed her thighs together, the movement stirring a soft moan from her throat. She could feel his hands everywhere at once, his warm breath fanning over her willing skin, begging him to demonstrate the love he spoke of, asking him to intrude on all that she was.

He pressed his hands against her chest, the sensation of the silky fabric rubbing against her nipples causing them to harden under his touch. He left wet and soft kisses along the center of her chest, while the strap of her nightgown dropped down her arm. The sound of her moans and the smell of her scent lulled him into a trance of need and desire. He pulled on her straps, wanting to expose more of her skin for his tongue to explore.

Her cheeks grew flushed as his mouth continued its escapade down her body, and she swore her arousal could stain her panties if she was wearing any. It pooled between her legs and all she wanted was for him to find his way there so that he could give her an alleviation to the sensation he had mustered to create.

He gently fell to his knees almost as if he was vowing to her, the action leaving her to look down at him. His hooded eyes took her in, the way her hair fell over her face as she looked at him with so much desire, the quick rise and fall of her chest and her parted mouth as she panted. His hands ran along her exposed thighs as he spoke just as breathlessly up at her.

“Do you want me to stop?” he asked.

But he didn’t want to stop, he had lost all control of his senses, only wanting to touch her, to feel her. while he asked, he begged internally for her to say no.

She reached for his face, her figure towering over him. the way his hands were moving against her skin causing her to lose focus.

“don’t stop” she shook her head “I don’t want you to stop” she begged.

He groaned in pleasure, leaving all self-restraint behind. He guided her towards the bed, pushing her back onto the sheets allowing her to sit at the edge. She watched in pure bliss as he planted kisses along the trail of her inner thighs, his hand moving teasingly toward her core.

With each kiss, he got closer to her center, and she drooled at the thought of his mouth devouring her. his hands reached to push the fabric of her nightgown past her hips, exposing her dripping cunt. She sighed in excitement, unable to take her eyes away from him and her hips shifted in anticipation.

He glanced up at her, the sight of her dark eyes filled with lust leaving him hot and bothered. Her gown had slipped down her shoulders and now sat above her hardened nipples, he moaned lowly at the sight, enraptured in her beauty. He gripped her waist as his mouth trailed its way to her pussy, unable to tease her any longer.

It took a moment for her to catch her breath as he captured her cunt into his mouth, the warmth of his tongue moving against the sensitive nub conducting loud moans to erupt from within her mouth. She gripped onto the sheets, her head falling back in pleasure. Her legs falling apart to give him further access. Her hips buckled towards his mouth aching for more. his tongue moved in between her folds, tasting her sweet and warm nectar.

“Joon” Y/n breathed.

Her hand ran through his black hair, grinding her hips against his face. He lathered her cunt with saliva, his nose pressing against her clit as he worked his tongue in and out of her walls. She couldn’t form any thoughts as he ate her out with such need like it was his last meal on earth- like it was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted. His tongue was skilled and moved slowly, ensuring she felt every movement he made. Over and over again.  

She could feel the climax coming, the burning sensation rising up her stomach, the feeling coming in waves, leaving her numb in ecstasy. While his hand gripped onto her waist, keeping her in place the other palmed his hardened cock as her loud moans and pleads sent him further into euphoria.

He pulled his tongue away, guiding his fingers and pressing them against her clit, moving them slowly, her arousal leaving his digits glistening under the moonlight that shined through their bedroom curtains. He moved them away and dipped them in his mouth, his eyes glanced up at her and the view was mesmerizing. Her head was thrown back, her breasts exposed as her silk gown rested below her ribs, and her chest heaved from the lack of air in her lungs. He slipped his wet fingers into her, her walls contracting against them. he moved them slowly inside her willing pussy, arching them to find the spot he knew so well, all while his mouth took its rightful place back against her cunt.

“Namjoon” she breathed “fuck, it feels so good.”

The sound of his name coming out in moans from her mouth sounded like heaven and he was determined to get her to say it over and over again. He picked up the pace of his fingers and so did his tongue, causing her to yelp out his name like a prayer. Her hands gripped onto his air tightly, keeping him right where she wanted him. his tongue traveled around her folds, sucking and licking everywhere it could reach. If he could, he would stay there forever, bringing her all the pleasure she needed.

Y/n could feel the pressure building in her belly as he continued his relentless pace, Namjoon worked skillfully, ensuring he brought her to climax. He guided her legs over his shoulders and continued lapping at her cunt. She knew she was closer, one of her hands reaching to dig her nails into the arm that held one of her legs.

“I'm coming Joon” she whimpered but that only caused him to lose himself further in between her legs, urging her to spill herself into his mouth.

The muscles in her body tensed as she felt her orgasm rippling through her, the feeling of Namjoon’s wet tongue causing all the nerve endings in her clit to ignite. Her body relaxed only a moment later, loud gasps falling from her lips. Through hooded eyes, she watched as Namjoon licked the juices into his mouth and when he finally looked up, she could see her orgasm dripping down his cheeks.

He reached to wipe his lips with his thumb, collecting all that was left of her taste and bringing it back into his mouth with a hum. He had never seen anything so captivating, the way she struggled to catch her breath and the haze that remained in her eyes from the pleasure he had just provided.

She reached for his face and pulled him into her, her lips urgently seeking his. He pulled away slightly, teasing her urge. He noted the way she begged for him with her eyes and smirked. He hovered his lips over hers “I would spend the rest of my life making you cum” he whispered, “if it meant I’d get to see you like this.”

He slipped his lips on hers and moved them passionately, his hand cupping her cheek.

“I love you, Namjoon” Y/n whispered whilst looking into his eyes.

“We want the spring exhibition to have as much color as we can compact in one room” Y/n instructed while she guided her team to one of the empty rooms in the museum. “Keep in mind we don’t want the colors to clash, we want to do this in a way where the visitors can subtly see the shift between our yellows and our blues.” The team nodded in understanding, writing notes on their notepads.

“The artists will be bringing us pieces which include flowers and landscapes which will be our center focus for the upcoming season” she added. “What artists are we working with this year?” one of the team members asked. Y/n hummed, unlocking her tablet and opening one of her files “Uhm... we have Lee Joon-ho, Kim Seung-won, Song Sung-ki, Kim Seok-Jin…” Her eyes trailed down the list of numerous artists, her words halting at the last name on the screen.

“I think we are missing one, Y/n” the member pointed out.

“Yeah, Park Jimin is also working on this exhibition” another revealed.

Y/n closed her eyes at the mention of the name, her heart beginning to beat abnormally. It had been 4 months since she last spoke to either Jimin or Namjoon, deciding it was best if some distance was kept between them. Truth be told she needed space to come to terms with the things she had done, apologies were just not enough for the shitstorm she had caused. So, she would avoid crossing paths with them whilst at work and kept Harumi in the museum’s daycare to facilitate visitation between them.  

It might have been childish, but it was the only way she could stop feeling so fucking guilty. She knew seeing them again would only cause further turmoil within her morality and she wanted nothing more but to lessen the pain she felt every day.

Choosing Namjoon would hurt Jimin.

And choosing Jimin would only further humiliate Namjoon.

“If there are any other questions, I will be in my office” she sighed, beginning to walk away from the gallery. Her steps were quick as she followed the path to the room where she now often found shelter. The past 4 months had been bitter, to say the least. Moving into her own apartment had proven to be the most difficult step of the separation, she had been constantly consumed by the empty spaces that had been once occupied by Namjoon, leaving her to face her demons all on her own.

It also didn’t help that she would often find herself thinking of Jimin during lonely nights of wine glasses and melancholy and it often left her mental health strained.

She couldn’t bring herself to decide, knowing that ultimately all parties would suffer.

The guilt and self-loathing alone had driven her to seek help.

Dr. Jung eased her mind and settled her feelings even if it was just for a moment but not even, he could help her confront the decision that lay in front of her. choosing one was to lose the other and so she chose to keep both, even if it was just from a distance.

Y/n scanned her tablet again, looking over the long list of things she still had to do for the day. the new exhibition consumed most of her time which helped to keep her negative thoughts at bay yet, constantly having to roam the museum meant she was at a larger risk of crossing paths with both men.

There was a frantic knock at her door which dragged her attention away from the screen.

“Come in!” she called but the door had swung open before she could even finish speaking.

“oh Mrs. Y/n, you need to come now!” her colleague yelled into the room, her eyes were panicked, and her breathing labored.

“what’s happening?” Y/n quickly stood from her chair and followed behind her colleague “Is it the exhibition, did something go wrong?” Her steps quickened and soon she was running. If something had gone wrong it would mean 3 months of work gone to shit, she groaned as she continued her pace, trying to catch up with her colleague.

“Did something go wrong with the exhibition?” she shouted again, and her colleague turned, taking in Y/n’s frantic stare “No Mrs. Y/n, it's your husband” Y/n’s steps faltered, and her breathing halted. Her husband? What was happening? She furrowed her brows in confusion and then she began to run, her legs moving her towards the destination but her mind racing with endless questions.

She could hear screaming before she even reached the hall and could see visitors to the museum standing by murmuring amongst each other. Her legs came to a stop as she took in the scene before her. her eyes widened in shock, and everything froze within her, she couldn’t move as she heard the men shouting at each other.

“You fucking piece of shit!” Namjoon yelled, his voice booming against the halls, his hands balled into fists by his side and his face beat red, Y/n could see the rage pouring through his eyes, all directed towards Jimin.

“Why? Because I gave her what you couldn’t?” Jimin shouted back, his own anger rolling through his words.

Y/n shut her eyes for a moment, hoping that this was a fraction of her imagination, that this wasn’t really happening in front of her.

“You were my friend” Namjoon cried out, the pain visible in his voice “We’ve been friends since high school man, what the fuck is wrong with you.”

“You left her alone when she miscarried Namjoon, what the fuck is wrong with you” Jimin spat back “I stayed, I was by her side and I treated her like a person, not like a broken plate that you had put together again, you ran and left her alone like she was a burden.”

“Oh, so because you served her as a shoulder to cry on, you felt entitled enough to fuck her for 3 months?” Namjoon’s voice carried throughout the vast spaces, gaining gasps from those who observed the argument. Y/n lowered her head in shame as she felt all eyes go to her now.

“No, we did that because we love each other,” Jimin remarked, a smirk falling on his lips.

“Shut up, you don’t love her” Namjoon stepped closer “You don’t care for anyone but your goddamn self” he shoved Jimin against the wall, earning another gasp from the crowd that had formed.

Y/n tried to shove past the bystanders but as the seconds passed more and more people came to presence the altercation, she pushed and shoved with all her force but she couldn’t get to them, tears of frustration beginning to fall from her eyes.

“I could say the same thing about you, Namjoon” Jimin chuckled coldly.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Namjoon yelled as he pushed Jimin back once again.

“you’re just talking shit to excuse the fucked-up person that you are!”

“ you’re just trying to keep my family because you don’t have one of your own” Jimin shouted.

“Shut up!”

The crowd yelped as Namjoon’s fist connected with Jimin’s mouth causing Jimin to crash into the wall behind him. Y/n inhaled sharply; fear written over her face. “Fucking move!” she shouted, her body shoving past the people who stood in front of her and jumping in between Jimin and Namjoon.

“Stop!” she pleaded, tears rushing down her cheeks “Just stop, please!”

Namjoon was out of breath, his eyes calming at the sight of his wife as she cried pleads from her lips. He lowered his bloodied fist and only then felt the sting of the punch he had thrown and landed on his best friend's face. “Y/n” he muttered, realization settling in the pit of his stomach. Jimin held onto his mouth, blood seeping through the sides as he watched Namjoon with hatred.

“What is wrong with the both of you?” Y/n cried, her cheeks turning bright red as she spoke.

“Y/n i- “Namjoon attempted to say but stopped his words as he took in the scene before him. he knew he had fucked up; he had been so consumed with his anger to realize the damage he had caused, his eyes traveled around the room. He stared at the unfamiliar faces who watched the entire ordeal unravel, shock written all over their expression. he gasped as he realized what he had done, exposing their dirty laundry for everyone to see.

“Fine, I fucked up I know I did” Y/n whimpered “but I’ve paid my dues, okay?” Jimin looked back at her, worry in his eyes. He wanted to reach towards her and embrace her and so did Namjoon. They shared painful glances at each other. “Namjoon, I don’t know how else to apologize for the things that I have done but this?” she raised her brows in surprise, her face holding disappointment.

“And you Jimin? Fine, I didn’t tell you Harumi was your daughter, but you left for an entire year, you ran away like a coward, you don’t get to come back into my life or my daughters and demand anything!” she yelled, her eyes reddened with tears.

“If I had called you and told you I was pregnant, would you have returned?” The question floated in the air as silence took over the room, Jimin lowered his gaze in shame. He wouldn’t have, he was a different person then, someone irresponsible and unpredictable. At the time he probably would’ve ignored her, told her he wasn’t ready to be a father.

“I did what I could with what I had” Y/n sighed “and until either of you get your shit together, I want you as far away from my daughter and me as possible” she concluded, beginning to walk away.

“Y/n wait” Jimin attempted to stop her, holding onto her arm which she snatched away harshly, she gave them both a defeated glare.

“don’t touch me.”

“Have you been feeling anxious lately?” Dr. Jung spoke, sitting with his legs crossed in front of Y/n.

She played with the pendant on her necklace, her eyes remaining elsewhere.

“If you don’t want to talk, I understand but I need you to know that we are a team and I need you to help me help you” he spoke knowingly. Y/n sighed, fixing her eyes back on her therapist.

“Yes, I haven’t been able to eat or sleep for the past 2 weeks” Her voice was reluctant as Dr. Jung observed her closely. In reality, Y/n found herself struggling to survive and if she could be honest it had only worsened with time but being honest while sitting in this room would only lead her to be locked in a hospital soon if she didn’t measure her words.

“And why is that?” he asked, his brows raising as if to encourage her to speak.

She took a deep breath and looked away once again, trying to find the right words to describe all that worried her, but her brain had been scrambled ever since the incident that took place a few weeks ago and she lived in constant fear that it would happen again.

The humiliation alone kept her in her office more time than before, she couldn’t even look at her team or colleagues in the eyes anymore. Not since they found out about what had happened between her, Jimin, and Namjoon. She had heard the staff murmuring whilst she walked by, gossiping and switching up the story for entertainment.

It was embarrassing.

If it hadn’t been for the proof of her therapy, she would’ve been fired from the position she had worked so hard to obtain, while Namjoon and Jimin only received a slap on the wrist.

“Uhm, I’ve been feeling like I don’t have control over what happens around me anymore” she sighed, trying to maintain her tone whilst tears threatened to spill past her eyes.

“It’s like anything could go wrong at any minute and everything that I have could be taken away from me in an instant and it’s suffocating, to have to make sure everything is okay all the time, I'm tired” Her lips trembled as she released the tension from within her chest.

“And since when have you been feeling like this?” Dr. Jung asked, his eyes looking back at his notes from previous sessions.

“I guess since my miscarriage” Y/n struggled to get the words out, her throat becoming dry “It was the first time I felt completely helpless, like there was nothing that I could do that could fix what was happening and then Namjoon became distant, he didn’t talk to me or hold me like he used to” tears slipped down her cheeks as she brought forth the memories that clung to her mind.

“Sleeping with Jimin was the first decision I made that felt like I was in control, that felt like it was something that was happening because I wanted it to, he was there when I needed someone the most, nurturing me back to who I was” she confessed, not only to Dr. Jung but to herself. Finally, realizing the meaning behind her actions allowed her to forgive her past self for the mistakes she had made.

“You know” Dr. Jung spoke, passing her a tissue for her tears “us humans often think that we need to control everything around us but there is no such control, it doesn’t exist” he advised “It is only something we make up so that we can blame others or blame ourselves for the things that have happened to us.”

“I need you to know that whatever you decide to do moving forward, it is something you need to do for your well-being, not because you want to be in control or because you want to protect anyone else but yourself” he expressed, leaning forward to grasp her hand in his.

“it’s okay to be selfish” he added, giving her a small smile.

“What do you want, Y/n?”

She looked down at her hands that were wrapped in the hands of her therapist, and she glanced back at him, contemplating her answer. She was confused, unable to even grasp what he was asking because she had never truly focused on what she wanted. When she was with Namjoon all she wanted was to preserve their relationship but when she was with Jimin she didn’t have to think about preserving anything, because he was the one trying to preserve her.

She let out a small laugh that surprised Dr. Jung, he watched in amusement as she began laughing loudly, her head falling back unable to contain herself and then like a symphony with no breaks or silence, her laughter shifted into sobs, loud ones that boomed from her chest. She looked at Dr. Jung in confusion unable to explain what was happening, but he held a smile, offering her another tissue.

‘Meet me at our favorite café at 4 pm’

Namjoon read over the message on his phone for the 7th time now, ensuring that his response had been adequate, his eyes looked over the time once again. 5 minutes had passed since he last looked and it was now 4:15 pm but he couldn’t bring himself to blame Y/n, designing the exhibition had left her running on borrowed time.  He took another drink of his iced coffee, looking over at the people who came and went from the entrance.

15 muffins, 12 iced americanos, 2 croissants, and 3 honey oat lattes.

That’s what had been sold since he stepped inside the small shop 15 minutes ago, he had run all the way to the café, fearing he would be late but upon entering the establishment he came to realize their favorite table near the window was completely empty.

The door rang with the arrival of a new customer, but he didn’t bother looking up this time, giving up on expecting it to be her. yet, only a few seconds after the space had been engulfed by her scent. He lifted his eyes from his phone screen and watched as she approached their small but comforting table.

“Hey,” she whispered, her voice as delicate and soft as he remembered.

A month had passed since he last saw her. Y/n had stood on her word of wanting them as far as possible, even going as far as removing Harumi from the museum's daycare center and enrolling her somewhere else. It had pained him not to see either of them. he often found himself walking towards her office which was on the opposite side of where his office was but always turned when he was halfway there opting to respect her boundaries even if it killed him to do so.

“Hey,” he responded, his voice cracking a bit as he spoke.

“Thank you for coming” Y/n hung her purse on the side of her chair and took a seat in front of Namjoon. She took a moment to observe him. She noted the stubble forming under his chin and the dark circles underneath his eyes, he looked tired, and it made her feel like a ton of bricks had been emptied on her shoulders.

“Rough nights?” she asked, her eyes now looking into his.

“Yeah,” he chuckled, attempting to sound casual “your team has me working overtime since you decided to add historical pieces to the installment.”

Y/n smiled shyly “Sorry about that, we were missing something, and what better than timeless pieces” She leaned back comfortably. “I hope it's not too much trouble” she added.

Namjoon shook his head, taking another sip of his coffee. He didn’t know how to contain himself, but he was trying, he wanted to reach forward and touch her, his skin calling out for hers, but he didn’t know where they stood or if she would be comfortable with that. It pained him to know he didn’t have that liberty anymore. It hurt to know he had taken it for granted.

“Not at all” he responded; nothing was ever too much trouble to him when it came to Y/n. his heart pounded harshly in his chest from just looking at her. He missed her beyond words and seeing her now reminded him of the reason why. It was as if he was meeting her for the first time all over again, her beautiful eyes and cheeky smile. He missed her.

“Well,” Y/n sighed, playing with the sugar packets on the table. She tended to fidget when she was nervous or when she didn’t know how to start a conversation and Namjoon knew that. He cleared his throat, choosing to help her.

“What did you want to talk to me about?”

Y/n giggled, looking back at him with a nod.

“it's not an easy conversation” she began, biting down on her lip nervously. “But I think it's one that we should have” Her eyes remained on the wedding band Namjoon wore around his finger, hoping that he didn’t notice she wasn’t wearing hers.

“Hey, don’t be nervous” he encouraged, offering her a dimply smile.

Her heart lurched forward painfully at that smile, the one he preserved only for her.

“Uhm…I know things haven’t been easy for either of us” Y/n verbalized “and I just wanted to clear up the air because I don’t want us to be on bad terms” she sighed, running her hands through her hair “I’ve made a decision and I think you should be the first person to know because I owe you that much” if the café had been quiet enough the sound of Namjoon’s heartbreaking would’ve been deafening as he pieced together the words she was speaking. He remained silent, blinking away tears that settled in his eyes.

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore, Joon. I think I’ve done enough of that, and I don’t think we can cultivate anything healthy by staying with each other” Y/n’s voice cracked, her hands shaking whilst folded on top of the table. “I’m sorry, there's nothing in the world I wouldn’t give to turn back time and do things the right way” She avoided his stare, guilty jabbing at her heart as the words came from her lips.

“I wish I could love you in the way you deserve, but I just can't.”

Namjoon reached forward and laid his hand carefully over hers, looking back into her pained eyes and nodding in understanding.

“I love Jimin, and I have for a very long time now, he’s the father of my child” she sobbed, her heart shattering as she came undone in front of her husband “And he makes me happy” Namjoon closed his eyes, and looked away, unable to conceal his own tears.

“After we lost our baby, I think you decided to mend that with Harumi and me, to open a new chapter and forget about the pain that you faced” Y/n continued, her hand now holding onto his. Namjoon glanced down at their hands, wishing that they could remain in the café forever, never wanting to let go of her but he knew that it was impossible, it was something he had tried to do so many times before and had failed at.

“it's okay” he whimpered, nodding his head as to ease her aching heart.

“I understand Y/n” he added “I just want you and Harumi to be happy even if it isn’t with me.”

“I want you to be happy too, Joon” Y/n couldn’t stop the tears that fell from each word, unable to let go as easily as he had.

“I will be, maybe not today or tomorrow or the day after that but all wounds someday heal, and I will be okay” he assured her “I’ll be just fine.” He smiled, his eyes holding a sea of agony.

“Just promise me that you’ll look after Harumi and tell her about me, tell her how much I love her” his hands trembled against hers as he spoke “Don’t let her forget about me because I will never forget about her.”

“Thank you” Y/n wept “Thank you for loving my daughter like she was your own and for not hating me for the things that I did.” Namjoon reached forward and wiped a few tears from her cheeks, his touch holding longing and warmth.

“I couldn’t hate you even if I tried.”

Y/n hesitated to knock on the door, her fist held in the air while her mind raced with doubt, would he even open the door? Knowing it was her on the other side? She took a deep breath and released her fist, looking back down the long corridor, thinking that perhaps this wasn’t the best time.

She fidgeted in place, looking down at the unanswered message she had sent. It had taken her a total of 2 hours, 47 minutes, and 3 seconds to send it and he hadn’t even seen it. She could feel her heart sinking into her navel, anticipating the rejection that would soon come.

She thought of double texting, of reminding him that she still existed but she was sure he’d rather pretend like she didn’t. She had ignored all 120 of his calls for the past few weeks so it was only right he gave her a taste of her own medicine. Even it was bitter and burned her throat like hell.

“Stop being a coward, Y/n” she breathed, turning to stare at the door once again.

The first knock was almost silent, drowned out by the thumps of her heart.

“fuck” she muttered.

Maybe he wasn’t home, deciding to take some fresh air and she was just standing there like a fucking idiot. She bit down on her lip and looked down at the text message again. Did he block her? maybe deciding she was dragging this for far too long and making a choice of his own. She couldn’t blame him, had she been in his shoes, she would more than likely have done the same, but the message had been delivered. It rested on his phone, untouched, waiting for a bit of attention.

“Could you try to know a bit harder, I don’t think he heard you” a voice spoke from behind her.

“I know but what if he doesn’t open the door” she replied, absentmindedly.

“I mean it wouldn’t hurt to try” the stranger suggested, and Y/n nodded, lifting her fist to knock on the door, much harder this time.

“Woah, maybe not try to break the door.” 

She sighed, shaking her head and turning around “This is stupid i- “her words were cut short by the man who stood in front of her, her cheeks growing red at the realization . “oh- “she muttered and he let out a light chuckle.

“I think he heard you this time” he joked, and a small giggle fell from her lips.

He raised his left hand which carried a bag with takeout inside, smiling at her “Hungry?” he offered, and she nodded slowly. He moved to enter his code into the door panel and the lock opened with a soft melody, he pushed it open and allowed her to step inside first.

The first thing Y/n noticed once standing inside were the canvases sprawled around the living room area, waiting for the painter to finish creating them. Y/n noted how nothing had changed, the walls remained the same color and he still owned the same furniture, even the scent of sweet apples and acrylic paint that engulfed her was the same. She smiled to herself for a moment, finding comfort in the familiar space.

“Sorry for the mess, I've been trying to get some pieces together before the installation” he huffed, removing his jacket and shoes at the door. Y/n just nodded in response, removing her own shoes. Y/n took hesitant steps into the apartment, tracing her hands along some of the finished paintings along the walls.

“Nothing has changed” she muttered to herself, but Jimin heard her words and hummed.

“I don’t have much time to re-decorate” he chuckled.

She glanced over at the sofa she had helped him choose when he first moved in, the same sofa where he would make her his during late nights, the same sofa that held their whispered I love you’s and guilt-driven tears. Jimin couldn’t confess that he hadn’t been able to change anything for fear of losing the memories the room held. Everything had remained the same.

The chipped lamp that they had drunkenly thrown off the table, the curtains that Y/n had gripped onto while screaming his name in ecstasy, the coffee table that witnessed their dirty secrets, and the rug in which they used to devour each other all had been left untouched.

He moved past her and entered his kitchen, searching around for plates and cutlery and then joining her on the sofa, Jimin could feel the tension as he slipped the take-out from the bag and passed her one of the forks he had fetched.

He cleared his throat awkwardly, avoiding her gaze.

“how’s it been?” he asked, his attention on the Tteokbokki he placed on each plate.

Y/n remained silent for some time, her eyes focusing on the hem of her sweater. She didn’t know how to reply, a lot had transpired since the last time she saw Jimin, and she didn’t even know where to begin. So, she opted for something simple, something she didn’t have to struggle to say.

“It's been good.”

He glanced at her for a moment taking in the lie she had just spoken. It wasn’t that she was a bad liar if time had been able to prove anything, it was that she wasn’t, but Jimin could tell by the way her voice fluctuated in the air, something anyone could’ve picked up on, if they knew her in the way that he did.

“that’s good” he sighed, handing her a pair of chopsticks.

“how's Harumi? I've missed my little bee” Y/n felt her heart skip a beat at the question, her smile falling for a moment, and she could feel guilt rising within her. She had never considered how cruel she had been by keeping her daughter away from Jimin, too consumed with her feelings to even think about his.

“she’s doing great, she’s gotten so big” she replied, taking out her phone and scrolling to some of the pictures she had recently taken of her. She reached forward, showing Jimin her screen.

“Oh wow,” he exhaled, taking the phone in his hand and staring at the picture for a moment. Y/n could feel tears forming in her eyes, but she looked away, trying to dab them away with the sleeves of her sweater.

“she’s so big now” he whispered, “You blink once and the next thing you know she’s 18 and asking for a car” Jimin laughed.

“I'm sorry Jimin” Y/n sobbed, his eyes fell on her again and he could see the regret written over her expression. “hey” Jimin moved closer, removing the space that had remained between them.

“Hey, don’t be sorry” he embraced her in his arms, and finally, Y/n let go of her tears on his chest, as she had done so many times before. He brushed his hands through her hair trying to comfort her whilst she trembled under his touch. His heart ached at the sound of her sobs, her tears dampening the shirt he wore.

“It was the right decision, Y/n” he reassured her “You put her first, and as her father I understood” he pulled her face that was buried in his chest and his thumbs wiped away tears that trickled down from her eyes. She looked up at him, her eyes glistening under the lights.

“You made the right choice” he nodded.

“I met with Namjoon” she whispered, her lips trembling after the words left her lips. Jimin sighed and pressed his lips together.

“you guys are a family Y/n and I left, I don’t get to be selfish” Jimin continued wiping her tears, his hand gently rubbing the skin of her cheeks in comfort. “I know you love him, and I know he's been a great father to Harumi, I can't intrude on what you guys have” Y/n shook her head.

“No, you don’t understand” she spoke, bringing her hands to where he rested on her face.

“he’s the better choice Y/n” he muttered, and Y/n could hear the sadness that rippled through his words, stabbing at her heart.

“All I ask is that you let me see Harumi, I want to be part of her life.”

“I chose you,” Y/n said, interrupting his words. Jimin halted his movements, looking down at the girl he loved in shock, he had been preparing for the moment she would say she had chosen Namjoon, and had braced himself for impact for the pain that was to come.

He had renounced himself of the hope of ever having her again, convincing himself that his love would never stand a chance against what she and Namjoon had.

“I just want you” she whispered, solidifying her statement.  

“Really?” his voice hitched as tears slipped down his cheeks. She nodded and he sighed in relief, closing his eyes for a moment. He hadn’t realized the way he had been holding his breath since he had found her knocking on his door, wanting her to rip the band-aid as quickly as possible, and having her say those words eased his mind beyond comprehension.

“Are you sure?” he asked, biting down his lip nervously.

She nodded whilst tears continued to stream down her face. She couldn’t describe how afraid she was of his rejection, her relationship with Jimin had always been a risk and now she sat in front of him in her most vulnerable state, letting him know that she wanted him.

“I understand if you don’t want to” she whimpered “You have your art and your trips, and I don’t want to get in the way of that.”

“What are you talking about?” Jimin breathed. He tilted her chin to meet his eyes. “I swear to god nothing else matters to me” he stroked her cheek with his hand, scanning the outer fear in her eyes “I'll do anything to have you by my side, you and Harumi complete me.”

Y/n reached forward and captured his mouth in hers, kissing him passionately. Jimin quickly gave in, holding her closer to him. He couldn’t tell if it was a dream or not, he had thought of this moment for so long, engraved it in his mind during sleepless nights under the hope that it would someday come true.

“You're mine?” he asked, reluctantly pulling from the kiss.

“All yours” she hummed, nodding her head with a smile.

He jumped onto her, causing her to shriek whilst he lay on top of her.

“Jimin, what are you doing?” she let out a giggle, watching as he removed his t-shirt. Her eyes scanned his abs and her hand reached to trace the tattoo on his rib cage. She recalled the night he had gotten it; she was the first person he had called, and she had scolded him for the impulsive decision. Yet now it was her favorite thing to look at.

“We need to celebrate with some dessert” he groaned, licking his lips.

“Jimin, we haven’t even eaten yet” she cried out, slapping his chest playfully.

Jimin pulled Y/n by her legs, bringing her closer to him. She laughed as he removed her sweats, his eyes scanning the pink thong she wore. He bit down on his lips and looked at her with an arched brow “I guess someone came prepared.”

“oh, shut up” she exclaimed before throwing her head back in pleasure when he pressed his thumb against her clit.

“You don’t know how much I've missed seeing you like this” he moaned, moving his thumb in circles causing Y/n to whimper in response. “How much I’ve wanted to hear your naughty little moans” he groaned. He could feel her arousal moistening the pad of his finger as he continued the motion against her thong.

His fingers played with the hem of her sweater slowly lifting it to reveal her stomach. Y/n hummed in pleasure, her eyes remaining closed as he teased his way to her breasts.

“you’re so touch starved, baby” he mentioned, noting the chills that raised above her skin. His cock pressed against his sweats at the view, the way she withered under his touch. She looked absolutely gorgeous.

He tugged her thong off, leaving her exposed on his sofa.

“I wish I could wait baby but I’ve been dreaming of this moment for so long ” he whispered, lust dripping from his words. He pulled her closer, opening her legs for better access. He pulled down his sweats, spitting into his hand and lathering his hardened cock with saliva and Y/n moaned as she watched him align himself with her pussy.

He rubbed the tip of his cock against her wet folds causing her to let out a pornographic yelp and he couldn’t focus on anything but the sounds she was making and the feeling of his cock moving against her throbbing clit. The sight of his cock covered in her juices caused him to groan loudly, his swollen pink tip pulsating against it.

“Jimin” she moaned “Jimin fuck me.”

It was all he needed to hear for him to plunge into her with ease, her walls giving his dick a warm welcome. They both moaned in unison at the action, his hips rocking into her out of reflex. he rolled his hips slowly, letting her adjust to his length.

He left a trail of kisses along her chest, lifting her sweater off her body all while beginning to rock his hips quickly into her causing her to scream in complete rapture. She moved her hips along his, keeping the same tempo and he buried his face into the crook of her neck, soft pants leaving his full lips.

“You feel so good” he groaned, his hands gripping her thighs that wrapped around his waist. He began pounding into her, the sofa beginning to bounce underneath their motion.

“All mine,” he said as he bit into the skin of her neck making her jolt in reaction.

“All mine” Jimin repeated as he created a chorus of their skin slapping together inside his living room.

“All mine” he groaned as he lost himself in the feeling of his cock moving in and out from her walls.

“All yours” Y/n joined, her fingernails digging into the skin of his shoulders, the ache causing him to move harder, faster.

He lifted her leg and placed it against his chest as he positioned her to lay on her side. He thrusted back into her, a loud moan escaping both of their lips. As he worked his cock inside of her, he pressed his thumb back against her clit. Moving it in the same rhythm as his hips.

“Is this, okay?” he groaned, his hips bucking at the feeling of her arousal around his cock.  

“y-yes fuck yes” she screamed, her hands holding onto the cushion underneath her.

“Fuck it feels so good” he barked, his other hand reaching to play with her nipples.

Y/n’s legs trembled as he fucked into her, and she couldn’t contain the yelps that fell from her mouth. Jimin readied himself for the complaints his neighbors would give tomorrow morning, but he didn’t care, he loved to hear Y/n scream in pleasure, the sound alone bringing him closer to the edge.

He loved having her like this, screaming his name and taking his entire length. It felt so good to be inside of her once again. He knew that he missed it but now that he was able to touch her again, to make her moan and beg for more. It was a thrill he couldn’t describe.

His love language was to touch, to feel. He never thought words were enough, so he poured himself into her as a demonstration of his affection.

“Look it's Papa’s painting” Y/n whispered into her daughter's ear while walking her through the art gallery “Look he named this one after you” Harumi giggled in her mother's arm, pointing at the paintings that were displayed on the walls.

“papa” Harumi babbled causing Y/n to gasp. “Yes! Papa” she cheered, hugging onto her small frame. “Jimin! Come here!” she shouted urgently.

Jimin excused himself from the conversation he held with some of the guests and walked toward them, confusion on his face.

“What happened?” he called out, a frightened stare in his eyes.

“Come! I think Harumi said her first word” Y/n chirped, bouncing one-year-old Harumi in her arms.

“Shit, and I missed it?” Jimin groaned, putting down his drink and standing closer to his girls.

“Look we will try again” Y/n instructed, pointing over to one of the many paintings that decorated the walls “Look Harumi another painting, who painted these beautiful paintings?” Y/n asked, urging her daughter to say her first word again.

Harumi looked over at the bright yellows and pinks on the canvas, her mouth widening in a smile.

“Papa,” she said once more which caused Jimin to stare in shock.

“Did she say papa?” he beamed, pulling Harumi into his arms.

“Did she say papa?” he asked again, excitement dripping from his words.

“Yes!” Y/n exclaimed a laugh following shortly after.  

“Oh, my sweet baby girl” he hugged her into his chest and kissed the top of her head, humming in happiness. “I will paint the whole world all the colors you’d like, I love you little bee” he proclaimed. Y/n leaned forward and planted a kiss on his cheek with a smile.

“Papa,” Harumi said once again, her hands reaching to rub her father's cheek.

“Yes, papa” Jimin repeated, smiling down at his daughter.

Y/n’s heart filled with warmth at the sight before her, her entire world standing in front of her. She reached for her phone and swiped to her camera, taking a quick picture to add along with the thousand others that remained framed in their shared home. There was a bittersweet feeling emerging from her gut, she had everything that she had ever wanted and yet, it still hurt her to think about the events that had transpired to get here.

“Ms. Y/n, could I bother you for a moment?” one of her colleagues asked, “so sorry, I just need you to stop by my office really quick and sign from release forms for the press.”

“Oh god, yes thank you for the reminder” Y/n exhaled and turned to Jimin who stood with their daughter in his arms, pointing at more paintings that were displayed, naming Harumi all the colors that had been used.

“Hey babe, I'll be right back” Jimin nodded in understanding and directed his attention back to his daughter.

Y/n followed her colleague down the corridor, passing by familiar faces who had come to attend the event. She kept a confident smile on her face as she walked, no longer feeling ashamed to greet them or make her presence known. It had taken her a while to get to this point, to no longer hide in her office in embarrassment. she had finally come to terms with her past. eventually finding closure with her errors.

She entered her colleague's office and proceeded to sign off on the documents that lay on the desk. “May I note that you look radiant tonight” her colleague noted, offering Y/n a warm smile. “Oh please, I just threw this on” Y/n giggled, laying down the pen in her hand and handing over the signed forms to her. “no, really Y/n you look so bright, so full of life” she added.

“Thank you,” Y/n said with a smile on her face.

“You look happier than before and I don’t mean to be rude, I know it has been a rough couple of months, but I’m glad you got your glow back.”

“I'm glad too” Y/n responded, turning on her hill and stepping out of the office.

She began walking down the long corridor once again, noticing how the space had emptied. She concluded everyone had left to attend the exhibition and hurried her steps, afraid she would miss the presentation.

“Running late, are you?” a voice asked, Y/n almost collapsed against the body that stood in the middle of the corridor, her hands flying to catch herself against their arms.

“oh I’m so sorr-“she looked up at the familiar face who looked down at her with all the endearment in the world “Sorry” she whispered, her face becoming as red as the carpet underneath her heels. Namjoon smiled while helping her regain her balance.

“oh Ms. Y/n, you are never on time” he chuckled which caused Y/n to look down in embarrassment.

“I’ve just been running around like a headless chicken all day” she sighed, attempting to excuse her bad habit.

“Well take it easy, we are here now, and the exhibition looks gorgeous” Namjoon replied. His words eased the anxiousness in her chest, which until this point she hadn’t realized she had. Y/n took a moment to take him in, admiring how the black tuxedo he wore made him look wise beyond his years and how he had chosen to slick back his black hair. She hadn’t seen him since the day they finalized their divorce and she had to admit that seeing him again was like a breath of fresh air.

He looked happier, healthier. The black circles under his eyes had disappeared and his skin glowed underneath the dim lights of the corridor.

“Thank you that means a lot” she responded, realizing she hadn’t spoken in a while. Namjoon nodded and reached forward to pat her head softly. a gesture he had often done when he wanted to soothe her.

“You did good, don’t worry” he hummed.

In that moment, she couldn’t form any words. There was a feeling nestled in her chest that she couldn’t describe. She had missed him, but she couldn’t bring herself to say that. Instead, she faked casualness, as if she was talking to a colleague or an old friend.

Even if all she wanted to do was reach forward and give him a tight hug. She never felt like she had said enough to him back in the café, didn’t think her words had been capable of explaining how thankful she was or how much she cared for him. She had hoped there was a way she could take out her heart and demonstrate it to Namjoon so that way he could understand what words weren’t sufficient to describe.

She wanted to display it for him like a painting.

“How have you been?” she asked, and she knew it was a risky question, one that she might not have been prepared to hear the answer to. Yet, behind that question remained a million more. What did I miss? Are you happy? Do you hate me?

“I've been doing great” he exclaimed “Busy but great, I've been traveling a lot more and the museum is thinking of promoting me soon so I can't complain.”

“Oh my god, are you serious?” Y/n chirped.

“That is amazing Namjoon, you deserve it.”

“Yeah, hopefully I can manage.”

“oh, I don’t doubt that you will”

“How about you?”

“Huh,” Y/n blinked, taken back by the question.

“How have you been?” His eyes held the same love and admiration they always did as he looked into hers and she felt herself shrink under the intensity. 

“Oh, uhm well as you can see, I just finished the exhibition which I'm praying turned out okay, and yeah, I’ve been focusing on Harumi now that I have more time, and” she cut her words, realizing she was rambling and let out a soft giggle.

“I'm sorry” She had grown mortified and embarrassed, covering her reddened cheeks but Namjoon shook his head and let out a soft chuckle.

“I don’t mind” he reassured her, offering her a warm smile.

“Joon” a voice called in the open space in which they stood, causing them both to turn in its direction. The woman stepped quickly, a bright smile on her face whilst she approached them. 

“Oh hey,” Namjoon said, receiving her into his arms.

“I'm sorry I’m late, traffic was horrible” she spoke, planting a soft kiss on his lips.

Y/n watched in surprise as they turned to face her. the woman was gorgeous, and she looked even better standing next to Namjoon. Y/n couldn’t avoid the way her heart tightened for a moment, but she repressed the feeling, offering a wide smile in concealment.

“May, this is Y/n my ex-wife,” Namjoon said, presenting her to Y/n. His arm rested around her waist whilst May leaned into his side.

“Nice meeting you” she spoke softly, extending her hand for Y/n to shake.  

“Y/n this is my girlfriend May” Namjoon added.

Y/n took her soft hand into hers and gave it a firm yet gentle shake. It screamed ‘Take care of him’ and May nodded in understanding.

A wave of emotions took over Y/n, leaving her disoriented and yet, at ease all at the same time. She had found an aching sensation coming from her chest, it was a foreign sight. to see someone else stand beside Namjoon in the way she had so many times before. Yet, she wasn’t angry or jealous, she was grateful. grateful that he had found someone to love him in ways she couldn’t.

“I must be on my way now” Y/n smiled, glancing down at the carpet for a moment and then looking back up at Namjoon” It was nice catching up Namjoon and it was a pleasure meeting you” Y/n spoke as she glanced at May once more “I'll see you around” she added. Namjoon offered her a warm smile as she stepped to the side and continued her hurried walk towards the exhibition.

She didn’t give herself enough time to register what she had just witnessed, instead, she pushed it far back in her mind and found consolation in the fact that he had found someone new, someone who probably made him happy. She could no longer be selfish; it just wasn’t who she was anymore.

Once Y/n stepped into the exhibition she had found all the guests in their seats and her boss, Dr. Kim already halfway through his speech, she cursed under her breath and hurried to take a seat beside Jimin and Harumi. “Everything okay?” Jimin asked, taking in her flushed cheeks and glossy eyes. She looked back at him and nodded “Everything is perfect” she reassured him with a smile. He reached for her hand and interlinked it with his, planting a soft kiss on her skin.

“And with that, we would like to give a round of applause to all the members of our staff who have outdone themselves with this year’s spring exhibition” The crowd began to clap and cheer, bringing a smile to Y/n’s face.

“I'm proud of you” Jimin muttered into Y/n’s ear before planting a soft kiss on her cheek which in return caused her to blush.

“Tonight, we would like to honor one of them specifically” Dr. Kim spoke, a small smile on his face. “They have demonstrated great leadership and creativity this year and have worked hard to make this exhibition what it is today” he gestured over at where Y/n sat with her family, a spotlight shining on them soon after.

“We would like to proudly invite Ms. Y/n to the stage to receive the award for innovation and performance from the MMCA.”

Y/n sat frozen as the words registered in her brain, she looked over at Jimin in complete shock and he offered her a knowing smile. “Go on,” he said, a chuckle falling from his lips. She stood and took slow steps as the room filled with clapping; she couldn’t contain the tears that streamed down her cheeks as she made her way to the stage.

she received the plaque in her hand with her name engraved onto it, she admired it for a moment and then looked back at the crowd that cheered for her. She stood in front of the microphone and hesitated to speak. Dr. Kim who stood beside her gave her a nod and she took a deep breath before she addressed the room.

“I’ve drank 3 glasses of champagne so this should be a breeze” she spoke which caused the crowd to roar in laughter. “I can only say that it was been a privilege to work on this project along with my colleagues and my team, it wouldn’t have been possible without them” She took a deep breath, looking down at the award in her hand once more.

“I also want to thank my family, my daughter who I adore, and my partner Park Jimin who never left my side during this entire process” She could see Jimin cheer from amongst the crowd, dancing with Harumi in his arms while they waved up at her. Her eyes then fell on Namjoon who stared proudly at her, a small knowing smile displayed on his face.

“And to those who have been by my side despite all the trials and tribulations that I have faced, may we continue to value art in the way we have” she concluded and in response, the crowd erupted in cheers once again.

As she stood on the stage, she could see them both. The man who loved her despite her mistakes and the man who would stop at nothing to see her happy. She tokened herself the luckiest girl in the world for having met them both in only one lifetime.

‘Art is a lie that makes us realize truth’

-Picasso

[certifiedlovergirlsstuff]

dynasty

pairing: jake sully x neytiri x female omatikaya!reader

WC: 2.3K

warnings: pure heartbreak. not sure on the rules for the funeral process so i of course just made stuff up.

summary: it all fell down

A/N: fic inspired by this heartbreaking edit and also the deleted scene of jake and neytiri cleaning neteyam and jake starts to shed tears. my own gif (why does it change the format to a small square to the side?)

will do a part2 of mom!reader and neteyam in the spirit tree (if anyone wants one of course..,might still do one. we’ll just wait and see)

@alecmores my editor💗

been in the drafts since april 20

masterlist / jake sully

It was like your world was just thrown off its axis, everything became off balance.

The waters were choppy, crashing and biting at your boulder, another thing trying to knock you off your feet and drown you in pain. Eclipse was high in the sky, and everything was shadowed in darkness as if the whole world disappeared after his death. His last breath took the last shine of light from Pandora, took the calm, and brought the storm.

Your heaving cries drowned out the noise around you, they mixed with Neytiri’s wails of eternal heartbreak. Your hands clutched Neteyam’s limp hand beside you, his knuckles cutting into your cheek as you waited with bated breath for just a simple squeeze, just a sign to show he was still breathing and holding on. But it never came, his touch was cold and lifeless, and his soul had left the physical plane.

Your blurred eyes flitted around at your company. Lo’ak beside you with his head down and staring at his bloody hands, he probably felt Neteyam’s heart slowing down and stopping. Tsireya at Neteyam’s legs, her hands holding his calf and she rocked her body as she silently cried at the loss of a new friend, Spider standing behind her. Neytiri was on the other side of Neteyam as she thrashed and roared, her wet pleas to the Great Mother, asking her why, why her son. And Jake, Jake who stared into the open space, body motionless and eyes numbed before they squinted in the distance and his head looked away to the lone demon ship.

“Lo’ak… where’re your sisters.” His hoarse voice caused a shiver down your spine. Your time of grieving stopped as you looked for Kiri and Tuk, neither sat anywhere on the giant rock with your family.

“Lo’ak,” your voice wobbled as you turned to him and touched his cheek, needing his undivided attention, “where are Kiri and Tuk?”

“They-” “Where are your sisters!” Lo’ak flinched at Jake’s raised voice, his eyes watering.

“They were on the ship.” Tsireya hiccuped.

You and Jake looked at the vessel, its stability looked off as it tilted in the thrashing waves. The both of you shared a look, you knew what needed to be done and quickly. Jake moved to Neytiri and wrapped her shaking body into his arms, his chest solid against her shaking back. You walked to your two loves, one who was in visible distress while the other was walled off at the moment. You had to shut your emotions down seeing as your girls were in danger and you weren’t losing another child tonight.

“‘Tiri, oeyä yawnetu (my loved one). Our ‘ites (daughters) are in danger, we must save them. They will not meet the same fate as our Neteyam.” Your hands cupped her cheeks, her hazed eyes staring into yours. You gave a kiss to her forehead before turning to the children, giving Jake a moment to break her daze.

As you did with Neytiri, you knelt before Lo’ak and held his face in your grasp. You looked into the eyes of your youngest son, the one who held the most qualities with Jake physically and his reckless behavior when he was younger. Tears slipped down your cheeks, you couldn’t bear to part ways from him, but he would be safe away from the remaining sky people.

“I need you to stay here with Tsireya. Do not come to the ship, it is dangerous and I- I- we could not bear it if something happened to you or your tsmukes (sisters). Wait for us to return.”

“But I-” “No!” You leaned your foreheads together, shutting your eyes closed and holding back the tears, “Please, Lo’ak. Just- just listen this once.” Your voice cracked at the end, and the thought of something happening to him fashed over your mind. “Please, do it for us, for Neteyam.”

You felt his head nodding at your pleading words. A ragged breath was released at the simple action. “Oel ngati kameie, ma ‘evi (I see you, my child)” A lingering kiss to his forehead before you pulled away and joined Neytiri on her ikran.

-

The sun shone high in the sky.

A new day has risen, but you weren’t awakened to shouts and cheers of childish glee. You weren’t held in the warm embrace of your lovers, their scents and gentleness didn’t invade your five senses. You weren’t being bombarded with tickles or bodies jumping atop you, pushing the air from your lungs.

No. You were back on the boulder with your whole family, Tsireya and Spider included. Kiri and Tuk were safe, Lo’ak was safe, Neytiri and Jake were safe and you were safe. The adrenaline of the situation has worn off, you weren’t in a life-or-death moment anymore, and the water has stilled. So with shaky legs, you walked back to the lifeless body of your eldest son, not by blood, but by love- by family. His chest was cleaned of his dried blood, a courtesy done presumably by Tsireya, the poor girl was probably traumatized from the pain and bloodshed that her tribe never had to experience before. You collapsed on his left side, watching as Neytiri held his head to her chest, her lips speaking into his hair or leaving kisses on his temple. Tuk sat beside her, her smaller hands holding Neteyam’s right one to her cheek. Her tiny cries break your heart, cracks forming with each hitch to her breathing.

Your own hands reached for his free left hand, it just lay lifelessly on the rocky ground. You touched each finger individually, and felt his palm, before bringing it to your lips and leaving ghostly kisses on the skin. You lay his knuckles against your chest, right where your heart beats. Needing to bite hard into your lip to hold back the cries and pleas, only silent tears show your physical pain. Bringing his hand back to your lips you whispered words wishing he could hear them.

“I love you, oeyä fkew tsamsiyu (my mighty warrior). You were our first blessing as a family and we could not be more proud.”

“Paskalin (honey).” Jake’s touch and voice pulled you away from slipping. You looked over your shoulder and into his solemn eyes, his face covered in cuts and scars. “Jake…” your lips wobbled into a frown, vision blurring with fresh tears, “I- I-” He shushed you, hands gently pushing your face into his neck, his lips caressing your skin.

“We have to get back to the village.” He muttered in your downturned ear. All you could do was nod and hold Neteyam’s hand tighter.

-

“We must begin preparations for his funeral. Jake and Neytiri will cleanse his body.”

You stepped up, “I am his mother as well, I will help.” Ronal kept her back to the three of you for a second before turning on her heels, a sharp look pointed your way, “he is not your biological child, he did not grow in you. This is-” “He was my son! I do not care about blood! If you will not allow me to join my mates as they- as we bid our goodbyes to Neteyam in the Cove of Ancestors, I should be allowed to help prepare his body before we part ways.”

You always held respect for the leaders of tribes, but will not let something as simple as different blood be the reason you aren’t given proper treatment within your family. You were with Neytiri as she announced her news to Jake, you were with her as she went into labor and you had been with Neteyam since he took his first breath of air in the world. He was your child and you lost him when you were still getting to know him.

“Please Ronal. Let us have this one piece if she can’t guide him to the Great Mother.” Jake’s voice was firm but held a begging tone that was obvious.

Her sharp eyes darted between the three of you, her tight shoulders sagging just a bit. You knew the three of you looked disheveled, with puffy eyes and tear streaks over your cheeks. Body ready to cave in from an invisible weight held on your shoulders. Eyes staring into an empty void.

“Fine. Now come, there is much to do.” Her walking resumed, the three of you just behind.

She walked into a mauri pod, bowls of water and woven twine were set to the side. You stopped when your breathing faltered once again at the sight of Neteyam, just lying peacefully on the floor with his eyes closed and arms beside his torso. He looked like he was just sleeping, enjoying dreams of whatever he wanted most from his life. If you didn’t look close enough you could imagine his chest moving with every breath he took, but you did stare and his chest sat still, not a twitch of his fingers or a tickle of his nose.

With jagged steps you stalked further in the pod, knees bending under the weight of your grief and you toppled to a stop beside his legs. Hands touching his lower leg and knee, his skin was cold to the touch causing a sob from your lips. You bent your head and curled in on yourself, letting the tears flow and the weeps free.

Your son was dead.

Arms pulled your back into a solid chest and a second pair of hands tenderly caressed your face and lips leaving sweeps of kisses over your trembling form. The hands holding your face turned you towards them, your eyes meeting the hollowed look of Neytiri. Her face was devoid of emotions, with no scowl or smile on her lips that you loved to indulge in, no furrow to her brows, or crinkles to her eyes. She was just empty and tired, heartbroken.

“Ma tìyawn (my love), we must begin. We need to clean him.” Her thumbs swiped over your wet cheeks. You could only stare back into her eyes and swallow your cries before you nodded your head. Jake’s arms slipped from your shaking body and you walked away to grab a bowl of water and a rag.

You sat on your hunches and soaked the cloth. With a shuddering breath, you closed your eyes for a moment to collect yourself and when you opened them you shut down. You rang the cloth to dispel the excess water and when you were satisfied, the material touched his shoulder and you wiped the dirt off his skin. Neytiri soon joined the process, sat on the other side of Neteyam’s shoulder and she tipped a bowl over his skin, her eyes following the liquid.

From the corner of your eye, you saw Jake sitting next to Neteyam’s legs on your side. He ran his cloth gently over his skin, it reminded you of when he was a child and Jake would wash his body in the pond near your mauri. You dipped the rag into the water again and rung it out, the water starting to get muddy with grime. You moved your work to his face.

You leaned your body at an angle with your right arm holding you up as you used your left hand to swipe the rag over his stilled features. He looked so much like Neytiri, he was so much like Neytiri. Fierce and protective, a strong warrior. Gentle and friendly, reserved mostly but will pounce when intimidated. He would have made a glorious Olo’eyktan if he chose the path. You wish he could have been given more time to live as a child, not have to worry about battlefields or have a constant eye on his roaming siblings.

With a final swipe to his brow, you gave a teary smile at your boy.

You looked up at Neytiri. Her eyes were closed as her head was tilted to the ceiling, hands resting on her thighs. There was a crinkle between her brows that you wanted to smooth over with your finger or a kiss, but before you could do either, choked whimpers drifted into your ears.

Jake was hunched over Neteyam’s legs, his locs hiding his face, but you saw the shake to his shoulders. He was crying.

Without a second thought, you joined his side, arms wrapping over his shoulders as you pushed his head into your chest with your chin sitting on his head. His arms circled your waist and held you tight as his tears fell to your skin. You shut your eyes as a fresh wave came upon you, the salty drops splashing your cheeks.

“Oh, ma Jake.”

“I‘ve failed him. I’ve failed my job as a father.” His lips grazed your skin as he spoke harshly of himself.

A deep furrow to your brows at his self-derivation, “No, no. You have done no such thing. It is those sky demons who have forced this fighting onto us. You have been doing your best at keeping us, our family safe.” You burrowed your noses into his hair and gave quick kisses in succession, “Do not let our son's death be in vain. He would not want you to use his passing as an excuse for harshness on yourself.”

Your hand caressed the back of his head with the other settled between his shoulder blades, the muscles moving with each hitch to his breath. You squeezed your eyes closed once again and just breathed, focused on your breathing and Jake’s. One the silent crashing of the water surrounding the mauri and picking up what quiet hiccups of Neytiri.

You weren’t sure how long you were frozen in that position, the scene not changing. All you know is eventually Jake’s cries were subdued and then Ronal entered the space in a different outfit. All your eyes were on her as her head was held high, but her eyes were gentle.

“It is time.”

...

tags: @singular-itae

[aquaticwolfkuri]

You HATE Me, But I

Hate YOU More!: ch.3

(I deleted the original character.3 cause I hated it, hopefully I don't hate this one and rewrite it lol )

During lunch, Zim watched the new girl closely, and while he was doing that, Dib was watching Zim just as closely, trying to figure out what he might be planning. 

Just then, Zim springs from his table and shoves one of his classmates passing by, causing them to spill their drink all over Plotty’s shirt.

She didn’t scream and she wasn’t even smoking, much to Zim’s displeasure. Had she already discovered the secret to paste? Or perhaps she had some sort of new Irken disguise that protected her from water??

Well, before Zim could think much longer about it, the student he had shoved earlier was actually a jock and they didn’t appreciate being shoved. Zim was promptly beaten before being thrown into the trashcan.

“Plotty, are you alright???” Dib and a few other students go to check on the new girl, but Dib blushes when he realizes that Plotty’s black lacy bra has become visible through her wet white shirt.

“Dib, D-Don’t look!” The girl blushes, shoving past him as she covers up her chest, quickly escaping to the woman’s bathroom with a few of the other girls with her.

Dib spins around and stumbles, tripping over the now fallen over trashcan and toppling over on top of the green boy. Zim freezes, feeling Dib’s hot breath ghosting over his neck, sending a shiver down his spine. He quickly begins to panic as his chest tightens and his face burns up. So what does he do? He screams, shoving Dib off of him before kicking him.

“W-What the fuck Zi-” Zim kicks him again.

“Y-You won’t kill me that easily, DIB!” Zim shouts before running out of the cafeteria.

“H-Huh…???” Dib holds his side and winces from the pain, not really sure what the green boy was talking about. He hadn’t done anything to the alien, in fact, Zim was the one who attacked him!

Gaz, who had been watching from afar, raised a brow when she noticed the clear blush that had been dusted over the alien’s green complexion.

She puts her game-slave aside and walks with Dib to the nurse's office where he got the bruises Zim gave him, treated.

 

Outside the Skool, Zim hides behind a tree near the track field, breathing heavily.

“W-What was that….that FEELING!? W-What kind of human trickery was that!? Z-Zim’s chest nearly exploded…!” Zim pulls out a scanning device from his pack to check for any physical or internal damage, but his vitals are perfectly fine, so then what was wrong with him??? 

Touching the back of his neck, Zim blushes and nearly quivers, remembering the feeling.

“W-What in Irk’s name is this….??? What has the Dib-Human done to me!?” Zim rushes back to the base, forgetting about the rest of Skool for the day in order to run a few tests on himself.

After Skool, Dib and Gaz would walk home, but this time, Plotty wouldn’t be joining them, So Dib could finally read his favorite pass-time mysterious mysteries magazine on the way home. Gaz watches him for a moment before looking back at her game but she speaks up.

“You know… If you plan on dating that girl, you should really think about telling her the truth.”

“Gaz, if I told Plotty that all those things the other students said about me were true, she'd just think I’m crazy and stop talking to me!” Dib responds, clearly annoyed. 

“I mean, Despite all the bizarre things in this world, why am I the only one singled out for it? Since I was a child, I’ve always been the crazy big-headed kid, but things are finally starting to feel different now, and a girl ACTUALLY likes him!”

“...But she doesn’t know the REAL you…” Gaz says.

“It doesn’t matter. I mean, isn’t that what people do in High Skool?? They lie about who they are until adulthood?” Dib says, but Gaz seems dissatisfied with this answer… but she doesn’t say anything, instead, she changes the subject.

“Zim wasn’t around for the rest of class…”

“Huh? Yeah, I don’t know. He just started hitting me and ran off. I think he was just being weird or something…” Dib says that, but Zim was clearly serious when he hit him.

"Yeah, he was definitely acting weird..." Gaz says, recalling the blush on Zim's face. "Definitely weird..."

[gingernut1314]

Touch Me, Please pt. 2

Polnareff x GN!Reader

Summary: How Part 5 Polnareff likes to be touched

Warnings: jjba part 5, MAJOR SPOILERS FOR 29-39, phantom pains, feel-good fluff

Word Count: HC: 980+, Drabbles: 290+ & 400+, Total: 1.6K

A/N: sorry for reposting this. I accidentally deleted it 💀 anyway....here it is again and I hope you enjoy!!

↞ to Touch Me Masterlist | Jjba Masterlist | Request Rules | Blog Navigation ↠ part 1

Polnareff is a very very proud man

He’s proud of his hair, his personality, his actions, and most of all his body

He has spent years training and exercising to get it in the peek condition it is in

But now, after Daviolo’s attack, his pride was torn so much worse than his body

So don’t be hurt when he turns away your touches and just wants to be alone during much of his recovery

In his mind, he is less than what he once was and you wouldn’t want a man who was defeated as such

But sit beside him as much as he allows, talk softly to him, tell him how much you love him, bring him his meals

He’ll even try to refuse your help to use the restroom or get in/out of bed. He finds he needs to do these things by himself to prove he isn’t as broken as he is

He’ll only ask for your help on occasion, but mainly to tuck him in at night

But after a while (...probably just a week or so cause this man just needs touch in his life) he’ll softly take your hand in his at breakfast

And he won’t let go until you physically have to for one reason or another

He still won’t let you touch his right hand or his legs or even the scar over his eye

But please caress his cheeks and neck and shoulders and back

Give him all the kisses you want

You’ll slowly start to see his goofy and charming personality peek out from the seriousness he had fallen into because your touch is slowly beginning to heal him

And after a few weeks of these touches, he’ll slowly start to feel his resolve melt and he’ll reach out to feel over your cheek with his prosthetic hand

He’ll allow you to cup it within your own 

Allow you to turn your face to place a soft kiss to the inside of his palm, the robotic hand the Speedwagon Foundation had somehow been able to sneak into the country surprisingly warm against your lips

After that any and all touch is back on the table

He’ll let you rest your hand on his thigh, fingers trailing over it and touching prosthetic here and there

He’ll allow you to help him take on and off his prosthetic legs before getting in and out of bed

Pleaseeeee cuddle the man at night

Pleaseeeee

Kiss his face, rub circles into his back, and hold him close as he falls asleep

While cuddling, don’t be surprised if you feel his hand run over your leg to pull it over his thighs or waist

Because while he used to be able to all but cage you in with his body, he can only truly do that with his arms now so he will be doing everything in his power to keep you close

If he struggles with phantom pains, you are sure to read up and look into how you can help 

One way is to message the limb which makes Polnareff a little panicky, seeing as he still struggles with allowing you to touch his legs and arm

But the pain gets so blinding sometimes he doesn’t have the fight in him to deny you any longer

Your fingers are like heaven, relieving him of his pains with precious and accuracy

When you pull your hands away after some time, he’s grabbing them up and showering them in thousands upon thousands of kisses

Kisses that always end up trailing up your arms to find your lips

He will pull you into his lap and wheel you both around the village’s small hospital

He will not let you up until you need to be standing

Doesn’t really like it when you push him around, preferring the sitting in his lap method, but because he loves you and if he really needs help, he’ll allow it

Always be sure to kiss the back of his neck or cheek before, during, and after though

Lots and lots and LOTS of lap-sitting 

Like you are glued in his lap 24/7

You’ll hold his computer while he does research into the arrow and into those that could help you both defeat Diavolo

Polnareff will rest his chin on your shoulder as he does his research, placing kisses here and there on your cheek and neck that make your skin spark

“I’ll go bring the car around to the front, okay?” You said, after packing what little belongings the both of you held. After months and months of recovery, Polnareff was finally ready to leave the small hospital he had been admitted to and you both were very much ready to leave. “I’ll be right--” A hand grabbing yours had you pausing to look back and find Polnareff sitting there, eyes full of determination.

“We’ll go together to get the car.” He said, lightly tugging on his hand in a way he had done hundreds of times while here at the hospital. You knew exactly what the silent command meant.

“It’ll be faster if I go alone to get the car.” You said, but your feet were carrying you closer to the man you loved. 

“Since when do we do things alone, mon amour?” He responded, a small smile on his lips. You smiled right back, leaning down so you could look more deeply into his gray eyes. 

“Never.” You placed a soft kiss to his lips that had him bringing his other hand up to cup your cheeks, fingers feeling over the skin there in a way that had your heart fluttering like crazy. 

“Let’s get out of here,” Polnareff said once you pulled away from the kiss. He tugged at your hand again and you followed his guidance to sit in his lap. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he began to push you both towards the door. “And please, mon coeur, let us find a place with a decent bathroom. This one was just frightful.” You chuckled planting a smacking kiss on his cheek that had a slight blush dusting over his fair skin.

“Anything for you.” 

!!SPOILERS FOR POLNAREFF'S ENDING!!

So….he’s a turtle now

That’s okay because you don’t care

And you still kiss the top of his little head and pet his shell

Carry him around in your arms

Hug him

Put him in a purse like a chihuahua and pet his little head as you walk around Italy

He can manifest his…body? Spirit? Inside the little room so you can hop in there any time you wish to hang out with him. He can do this because I say he can

You can still physically touch him inside of the little room….because I said so….

He can also change his appearance throughout the years he has been alive BECAUSE I SAID SO AND ANYTHING ELSE IS TOO SAD 

So he’s able to walk up to you, pick you up, and spin you around as he litters kisses to your face

Expect to not really leave the room for a while because his death still haunts him

He’s gonna be so scared his soul might pass on without you, so he’s holding onto you extra tight

The inside of the room is your home now btw 

Will sometimes reach a ghostly hand outside of the turtle to try to hold your hand

I don’t think he would be able to touch you outside of the turtle cause….he’s a ghost…so you can 100% reach your hand inside of the key to hold his hand during a business meeting or out and about

“Oh, what a cute little pet turtle you have there.” A person passing you in the street cooed, stopping you and Polnareff on your way to meet with Giorno. “I used to have a turtle just like this.” They said, reaching a hand out to pet Polnareff’s head from where it peeked out of the purse you carried. 

“Hey!” You snapped, slapping the person’s hand away in the blink of an eye. “Don’t you dare touch my husband.” You hissed, placing a hand over his head to further protect him.

“W-what the hell? What--” But you are storming away before they can finish. 

“You know, I think half of Italy thinks you’re crazy.” Polnareff chuckles, reaching a ghostly hand out to pass it through the one still covering the turtle's head. The feeling was always strange, but it was warm and familiar. He did this in way of letting you know he wanted to hold your hand. To silently beg you to touch me, please. You were more than glad to reach a hand into the key’s red portal to hold it. 

“They think you believe that you have married a turtle.” He chuckled like he believed the situation was completely humorous. 

“I have married a turtle. You are a turtle.” You grumbled, still annoyed that person had tried to touch him. The gall of them.

Polnareff tugged at your hand, dragging your arm further into the hidden room on the turtle's back. You felt his lips kiss the inside of your wrist, traveling further and further upward. Lips that ever so slowly eased the sharp annoyance in your chest.

“Do not remind me, mon amour.” He grumbled, pulling gently at your hand again. You paused in your travels as you took your hand back from him. You heard Polnareff huff at the absence of your hand, but it was quieted as soon as you shoved your head into your bag, it appearing inside the little room hidden away in the key on the turtle’s back. 

Polnareff stood on a chair, his frown turned into the brightest, goofiest smile you couldn’t help but match upon seeing your face. He stood on his tippy toes, cupping your cheeks in his hands before placing a quick kiss to your lips. 

….all anyone on that street saw was you with your head in a bag, voice muffled by the material as you talked to….was that a turtle?

[traumacatholic]

Finally kind of feel in a position where I can post this. I realise that my last post and long disappearance was probably of great concern to some people, and I am deeply sorry for any worry or pain that I've caused other people with that long disappearance. There was a lot going on in my life, including moving house. And I think the longer I took a break from Tumblr, the more daunting it came to come back. But the fact of the matter is, I've cried over this blog a lot. Or rather, I've cried over the followers of this blog and the people that have engaged with it. I have been dealing with a great sense of guilt. Guilt that I've let you guys down. Guilt that I've betrayed you in some way.

Something that always pained me, was the reality of my own struggle to access mental health support. It's an unfortunate reality, that no matter how many times we might work to raise awareness, and tackle stigma surrounding mental health (particularly complex mental health issues like OCD or PTSD or Schizophrenia, etc). That this doesn't do much to tackle the core issue that's the main struggle for people: accessible healthcare. Be that to do with any financial costs or lengthy waiting lists or other issues. There was a sense of deep guilt of encouraging people to seek help, whilst also being fully aware that they might be even more disheartened if they reached out for help and were unable to get anything substantial. I would never want to build someone's hopes up in order to then shatter them. I've experienced it all too much with trying to access support on my own.

I also felt really guilty running this blog when I was struggling with Church attendance. It felt like I was lying about my piety, to people that were desperately trying to fight to be able to attend their Church and to be a part of Church life. I'm in a city now, and I've started attending Church regularly. I've been trying to get into the practice of daily prayer, and the daily readings of theological texts alongside Scripture. Some days are better than others, but then I guess that's always going to be the case. Something that was really deeply meaningful to me during RCIA was being told that conversion to the faith wasn't a one and done thing. Each day, we are constantly converting back. We are constantly returning to God and being renewed in our relationship with God, no matter how far we stumble or what kind of problems we stumble into - willing and unwillingly.

And this is where it gets, I guess, the scariest. I've been dealing a lot with anxieties and doubts surrounding my faith. Not in the, "Hey guys sorry I've taken a break and became atheist" kind of way. But I've been feeling a strong pull towards Orthodox Christianity. And the Church I've been attending, has been an Orthodox one. I don't know. It feels weird to type that one out. It felt so weird to call myself Catholic for a long time. And then I became so happy of the title, and I loved the faith. I still do, love Catholicism. But I think this is something I need to explore. I've been feeling the draw to Orthodoxy for a long time, and I always kept pushing it away. But I think the only real way I can really address it, is by actually giving it a fair chance and exploration.

I don't know what I'll do with this blog. I don't intend to delete it - I think there are still people that can find help and comfort from the prayers that I've posted. I do have a new Tumblr, where I post excerpts from Orthodox texts I've been reading. I do still feel really strongly about helping people struggling with mental and physical health issues, trauma survivors etc. I care intensely about that work. And it's why this post pains me so much. I still want to be able to give you guys help, you can always send a message over to my new blog @orthodoxadventure if you're in need of any prayers or advice surrounding mental health/trauma etc (also despite the circumstances, I did go through RCIA, and if anyone has any questions surrounding it, I'll try my best to answer) , and I think I'm going to make it a habit to check the blog here.

I'm deeply sorry to anyone that I've hurt by doing this. I would really appreciate your prayers. None of this is, particularly easy. I feel like I've let down and hurt so many people. But I also knew that the more I tried to resist the interest of Orthodoxy, the more I felt that I was letting myself down and letting my relationship with God down. Maybe in some time, I will return to Catholicism, much more content and happy and more knowledgeable in that choice. Maybe I will go further down the path to the Orthodox Church. But I knew I couldn't just feel like I was sitting on the fence any longer. I hope that you will be able to forgive me for this, and I intend to keep you all in my prayers.

[lifesteal-headcanons]

I'm gonna put the glitch in glitch duo right now and rant about them and how their glitches work because I am so normal about them (lie)

Okay, so I barely got into Lifesteal like. Late last year because of Squiddo joining and I lowkey got really hyped for it and seeing Ash and Squiddo together I was like.. Woah.. New fav duo alert.. And then found that there was no fancontent and had to make it myself so.

Anywho! Ashswag, as we already know, has that lil.. Thing over his left eye (?) That a lot of us (me) has interpreted as like. Glitching. So to start us off, I believe that glitching can stem from messing with your own player code/others player code/server codes/using mods with like. Virus' or something idk im not that smart. And from the Ashswag videos I've watched we can kind of tell where Ash fits in there by like. Fucking with how servers work and therefore fucking up his own code.

Squiddo's code is glitched because.. Have you watched Squiddo's videos? Naw but fr, she's constantly putting the most cancer inducing mods on her game, playing mods that can definitely fry their pc, playing minecraft on a USB DRIVE?? Which would DELETE chunks to MAKE MORE OF ITSELF so like. You can see where I'm going with this. So obviously, their code gets fucked up and the more they do these mods and plug ins and - whatever the hell, the more their code because intangible and unable to be fixed.

So, with that, I'm gonna go ahead and explain how I think their glitching works and how it affects their body/like.. Everything else.

Ashswag's glitches, as we can see, are more visible to the eye. Literally over his damn eye. I'm gonna go ahead and assume that gives him some partial blindness in his left eye. Also, from some fics that ive read ive seen people give him like, back problems and chronic pain that he probably had before but the glitches DEFINITELY don't help at all and instead make the pain way worse than it already is so. Yay!

While Ash's are more physical, I feel like Squiddo's are more like. Mental? If you catch my drift? While Ash is stumbling down into a heap of pain on the floor because his back is killing him, Squiddo is standing in the hallway staring at him wondering why the guy from the one house smp is crumbling on the floor in front of them on a server they swore they were not on a few weeks ago.

So yeah. Memory loss Squiddo. Also inspired from a fic that I do know! I'll link the fics I got inspired from at the end because they are genuinely such good reads and great ideas.

But I decided that memory loss best fit Squiddo, because tbh they are pretty forgetful. And I take their goofy hijinks and shenanigans as just. Squiddo having to recollection of anything and just trying to do something (which she's probably done before) to job their memory but oh well. I feel as if the memory loss is more of a living in the farlands thing rather than glitched out fucked-up code inducing thing, but whatever. The only time we see glitched out Squiddo is on thumbnails! So I feel like whenever Squiddo joins a server or world that's previously glitched or like. They're already pretty glitched, it really takes its toll and fucks up the whole thing and makes it a memory loss disaster for Squiddo.

And because of Squiddo's horrible memory, they can never recollect and find out what the hell happened to the world to make it this glitched out when in reality she's the reason the world is so glitched.

Except when joining servers! Surprisingly, they don't experience those things when joining servers while when joining worlds the world would become discombobulated and delete itself just after a few hours. Funsies! Which they realize when they join the one house smp just to explore it and then they find ASHSWAG!! And then realizes that HE'S GLITCHED TOO!! YAYY!!! And then they absolutely BOMBARDDDD him with questioned like "why do my worlds always delete themselves?", "what causes someone to have a glitched code?" And "how are servers able to not glitch out?" Etc etc which Ashswag answers and then BOOM! FRIENDSHIP!!!

Basically the only reason servers are able to work for them is because theres like.. This other thing cody whatever that prevents it to idk im not smart. This is not compliant with my past fics written about this stuff but oh wellsies.

Another thing I have made up is 'glitch fever' where basically they just get sick because of their fucked up code and glitches. Yeah. Also based off a fic I read where being around Ashswag too much can make you sick and stuff. I feel like their are certain people who are immune to it like Reddoons (purely because of Swagdoons and nothing else) and Squiddo (because they also glitch tf out and Swagsquid/silly).

Another thing I've like. Headcanoned (because this is all just me reading too much into things and making too many headcanons about) is that their glitches also like.. Made their body tempature irregular. This is so random but it was just something I thought of and then I wrote a fic about it. Like, Ash is constantly fucking cold and on a hot ass texas summer day he'll feel a little warm. Same for Squiddo just vice versa. I love them. The sillies. I want to put them in a terrarium and study them.

That's.. All I have I'm pretty sure. Hello I am Swagsquid the #1 Glitch Duo Writer/Enthusiast and the #1 Swagsquid Shipper (the ONLY Swagsquid shipper..) and thank you for listening to my ted talk.

Fics I took inspiration from:

"Dear Diary: Today, I killed someone" by Fey_wilde on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/52170592)

"I Feel Too Weak to Stand" by Eternal_Era on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/48067240)

"fault lines" by garlic_sauc3 on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/41924196)

Fics I've written based on this idea:

"Glitch fever" by (ME!!) Swagsquid on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/53400835)

"The warmth of another's embrace" by Swagsquid on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/53449573/chapters/135284551)

"Forgotten hot chocolate" by Swagsquid on Ao3 (https://archiveofourown.org/works/54350146)

(Please read the tags and ratings before reading some of the fics!)

.

[vurrsys]

Snoozelings: First Thoughts

Snoozelings is a virtual pet site that I gained early access to. I was curious on what a self-care petsite would look like, but I was immediately shocked how bad one of the central features was.

I'm making this post because the lead dev is not taking suggestions or criticism in the discord or the forum now, and while they are well intentioned, one of the key components of this health-focused website is, ironically, unaccommodating in one of the key accommodation features

Snoozelings allows you to fill out a journal daily in exchange for coins. This is meant to incentivize tracking your health/status and helping you improve. There are four in total: Physical Health, Mental Health, Productivity, and General.

The big underlying problem is you can only have one of these at once: trying to switch to another one deletes all your data for the previous one you had (and you have to ask a mod to do it). Additionally, the ability to have multiple journals (including exclusive ones) will be locked behind a premium membership.

Physical and mental health are intrinsically linked: my friends and loved ones with chronic pain will commonly explain that their pain is causing them depression, or that their stress is causing a flare-up of pain. Not allowing someone to use multiple is giving an incomplete picture of someone's health, which is what this site is aiming to help. Also, locking certain people's needs behind a paywall is scummy. It puts the least affected by disability users at the forefront of the site's accommodations, and that is really really bad for a health-based site.

1. Problems

This is the Chronic Pain Journal. I asked my metamour who has experience with chronic pain if there were any problems they had, and they said these things:

The lack of emotional/mental triggers for pain undermines the intention to help people identify pain triggers, as per the wiki

The descriptions for air quality are lacking. "Sickly" is vague, while "smokey" or "dusty" would be good options

The inability to rate the differing scales of pain each part had gives a incomplete picture of someone's pain scale. One day their feet could be mildly sore but they have an intense migraine

This is the Mental Health Journal. as I have experience in this, I have my own set of criticisms:

The list of symptoms is overwhelmingly biased towards people with less intense mental illnesses. There is nothing for anger, for example. Also, there is no mention of more intense symptoms (like mania, brainfog, dissociation, delusions, ect)

The list of things you can choose from for positive and negative activities is extremely limited. There's not even anything like "took part in a hobby" or "meditated".

This is the Productivity Journal. On the wiki it states its goal is to help those who have trouble organizing their tasks. I shouldn't have to even say that some of the people who struggle with this the most are disabled individuals, both physical and mental. Again, only allowing one journal is unfair.

This is the final one, the General Journal. It states on the wiki that its for those who don't have issues with the previous categories, yet it includes types of health that could be beneficial to include in them. Additionally, it is the only other journal other than Physical Health to include pain, and I find it weird that its included in the journal for those that dont need much help but not the mental health journal.

2. Solutions

Of course, it would be unfair if I gave all this criticism without offering a genuine solution. That's why I'm going to suggest a complete overhaul of the journal system.

While looking to document if I had chronic pain or not (still unsure), I tried a journaling app that I feel is the perfect solution to Snoozeling's journal problem (at least, the ones other than productivity).

Personalized journals. The ability to add and remove questions, symptoms, ect. This way there are no superfluous questions while being able to custom fit your journal for your needs. For example, someone might not need a question about brushing their teeth if they have never not brushed them. This will also make it less overwhelming for those who struggle with answering a lot of questions.

Journal Presets. Several presets that are available for different health conditions that you can add. It would be good if you could have the ability to combine multiple, and then edit as needed

Custom questions/answers: The ability to create your own questions or answers. For example, not everyone's positive activities look the same. This way, everyone can get the full benefits of their journal

Two journals. One for health/general and one for tasks. I find it weird you have to choose between them when three are very similar and one is a completely different format. Of course, you'd be able to use both

Saved questions + answers across changes. Changing your journal layout shouldn't delete your old data

3. A Final Word

A petsite made to help people with their health is a wonderful idea! I know several people that would benefit from having a gameified disability aid. However, the way it is set up right now leaves out anyone who has more intense symptoms and disorders unless they pay in the future. I hope by posting this, that can be fixed

[fatuismooches]

Hello! Do you remember that scene where Dottore erases all of the segments in the archon quest? I wonder how would reader react to it, especially in the case of fragile! reader who always has a segment with them. One moment he is serving them tea and the next moment, he's kneeling on the ground, in pain and reader panics, asking him what's wrong. But before they know it, he's gone :( I imagine reader may be a bit traumatised by that. Maybe they thought Dottore died for good. Even if they think it's just the segment that died, I feel like fragile! reader has some abandonment issues because they are forced to be dependent on Dottore. If they watch Dottore died, even if it's just a segment, it strikes fear that one day Dottore may die unknowingly and they would be all alone in the Fatui, no one caring for them.

NOOOOOOOO PLEASE- I had to mentally recover after reading this. I never bring up the deletion of his clones in my fics cuz it makes me so sad and I don't think I can physically write dottore hcs without mentioning them at least once lol🥺

The way you described it was so good and sad!!😭😭 Such a good scenario!! I imagine fragile! reader talking to the segment, happy that they get to start their day with him and then all of a sudden the clone stops responding. You call his name (the unique one that you made for that specific segment, because you really can't stand calling them by numbers) but there's still no answer. You try to pull him towards you, but it's more like he ends up tumbling onto you, his strength diminishing by the second. Your heart is going so fast you're sure that it couldn't possibly be good for your health. He's saying something under his breath but you can't really hear it besides the mention of "Omega" and "ridiculous" and "regret this." You cup his cheek, and try to make the segment look at you, and he does, though the blatant fear written all over his face causes your throat to dry up. His grip on your thighs tightens as he opens his mouth to say something and then-

He's gone, as if he never existed at all. And you are at a loss for words. You start to tremble, and it's not from the cold this time. You muster your strength to leave the room, and when you get to the lab it's dead silent. No one in sight. No clones busily sprinting around to get things done. You collapse to the floor and clutch your chest, completely in shambles. Was he... gone? No, Zandik could never fall. Your lover was the Second Fatui Harbinger, with strength that rivaled the Archons, there's no way, it was simply not possible for him to lose. Zandik would never leave you, you tried to convince yourself. It wasn't true, it wasn't true, it wasn't- Your frail body could not keep up with what your mind was suggesting, and you blacked out.

Fragile! reader would definitely be messed up after that... I've written some angst before about them feeling poorly about themselves due to their condition. They feel as though they're a burden sometimes since they rely on Dottore for many things. And this incident just makes them feel a lot worse since what would they do if Zandik was defeated? The Fatui wouldn't take kindly to losers. Forget about your condition, your heart would surely die of grief and loss. Fragile! reader would also probably strongly dislike the Traveler and Nahida from now. I feel as though they would be much more lonely now because they don't have anyone to really talk to now. I also think fragile! reader would be kinda scared of Omegattore now😭 They're not sure how to trust him after he deleted the segments so easily, you were really attached to them </3

I'm going to my corner and crying now ;)

[last-words-ofashootingstar]

Petals : Otona Blue

Yandere Kang Yeosang x fem reader

a/n: anon, i accidentally deleted your request so i hope you find this ! "I would love to hear the backstory of why Yeosang calls her petal. I know it's because she played the love me/love me not game but can we see the whole scene??" yes, yes you can. i will take every change to write for these two. thsi took forever but i love it

"He loves me."

✫彡wordcount: 1.3k

♡´･ᴗ･`♡(ಡ‸ಡ)genre: yandere, hurt&comfort

ಠ_ಠwarning/contents: NOT EDITED, overarching yandere behavior, age gap(19-23) (technically not together yet), small injuries, emotional manipulation, breaking & entering, destruction of property

Otona Blue tags: @thatswhywerefever @babiestarrcandy

main story: read it here! this takes place during that story and fills some time-void

MATURE UNDER CUT MDNI

He sits next to you slowly.

The hot summer breeze does little to comfort the stinging of your bleeding knees. You sit quietly and graze your hand over the freshly cut grass, looking up at the clouds with tear-blurred vision. Your jaw hurting to much to greet him.

His presence was welcome, comforting. Even as you were basked in silence and a tense aura.

He swivels sideways and sits cross-legged on the pavement next to you, his bag in his lap. He digs through it, pulling out a small first-aid kit.

You glance down at it and almost laugh. "You carry that around all the time?" Your voice is hoarse and raw, small from the way you keep your jaw clenched.

"Never know," he offers with a small smile, ripping open an alcohol wipe. He scoots forward and slowly inches his way to the wound. You push back his hair out of his eyes when the wind knocks it around.

You hiss as it comes in contact. Fingers wrapped around his wrist tightly, you give him the best puppy dog eyes you can manage. "We need to clean it. You get an infection." He pouts, holding it still flat against your knee as you stomp, grinding your teeth.

"It burns," you cry as his hand warms up the injury. You are tired beyond belief from the day you've had and the last pinch of pain is sending you spiraling.

"That just means it's working."

"Don't talk to me like a child!"

Both of you are taken back by your outburst, even more so by the way that you physically shove his hand away. You watch in pure horror as his face drops from the comforting, gentle Yeo that you know and are coming to love... into that distant and scary man that keeps all the bad things away. Only now, that scary face is directed to you. "Yeosan-"

     He shoves the kit back in his bag and stands in a hurry, not sparing a single glance as he turns. You, in such a hurry, scarcely notice how he slows down at the sound of your wincing and give your time to catch up.

    He keeps up the act as you snatch onto his backpack and try to slowly him down. "Yeosang, please! I'm sorry, it just hurt and I didn't mean to sh-"

     He grabs your wrists as you come infront of him, pulling them close to his chest as he looks down at you. "You clearly don't want my help anymore, that's what I'm seeing. First, you let those bitches jump you. Then, you refuse my help. I don't kno-"

     "Please, don't go." You sob, fisting his shirt where he cages your hands. "I- I'll let you clean them, I won't shove you again. I didn't mean to, just don't go."

    He tuts his tongue, looking around at the attention your outburst is causing. Students all around the courtyard are throwing glances your way. And that doesn't bode well for what he has planned later tonight. He needs to stay under the radar.

     "Fine. Stop crying," he says shortly, keeping up his fake anger long enough to make your heart hurt. Then, in the blink of an eye, he's back to being your Yeosang. He cups your face gently, avoiding your bruising jaw. He smiles as he thumbs away the tears he's caused. "Let's go get cleaned up somewhere else."

—

    He lifts you up to the tall cement flower bed and sets you down slowly. "Here," he hands over his sweater and sets it over your lap to cover your skirt before he squats down.

    You busy your hand with the stem of a Butterfly Weed. Your tears have dried up on the short walk to the campus' greenhouse, but your heart still stings- as do your knees as he cautiously wipes up the dried blood and swipes over the cuts.

     You snap the stem and bring it to your lap as you bite back the painful whimpers. You pick at the flower and think in your mind. He loves me. You toss it away and pluck another. He loves me not.

     You continue on the full flower until he places a large bandage on either of your knees and takes it slowly. "What are you doing? Picking petals?"

"Yeah," you shrug. He chuckles, plucking one off the still full stem. "It's supposed to be like... a fate thing. You back and forth between to options and the last petal is supposed to tell you which is true, or which is better. Does that make sense?"

"Seems silly, but it makes sense." He hands it over and asks, "what are you asking them?" He smirks at the way you pause. He knows the main purpose of this little fortune telling game.

"If I should attack Un Ji with a sock of frozen butter." That's the first thing that comes to your mind, and you laugh at your own brain. He busts out giggling, covering his face as he bends down in laughter. He holds onto your sneaker with his other hand, balancing himself as you both laugh loudly. "What?" You gasp between chuckles, holding the edge of the cement.

       "I did not expect that from you."

"What? You're saying your not down?" You ask sarcastically. Of course you would never attack someone, let alone with a sock full of frozen butter. But Yeosang would. And you've got him all fired up for his plan.

He brushes it off with a small laugh, "pick up those petals, Petal."

You flush at the nickname, brushing the petals off his jacket and standing carefully. "You gonna drive me home?"

"Don't I always?"

—

    You step out onto the porch. Feet padded only by socks as you venture onto the dewy grass in your pajamas.

    He slides out of his car. Boots tapping on the concrete road as he sneaks closer to the silent house.

   It's dark out.

  You never got to finish your game.

   He needs to get revenge.

   It's chilly.

   He acts so strangely towards you. Does he even care for you like he says he does?

   You're so precious to him. That bitch Un Ji should pay for how she's hurt you.

  The leaves rustle in the trees all around.

   You turn into your small garden just below your window. You pluck up a dying Azalea.

  He slips into the back door. He knows nobody is home, but he's still stealthy.

The moon watches over you from both sides of town.

Yours hands shake lightly as you begin.

His hands are steady as he carries the tied up sock.

It tries to tell you stories of lovers just like you.

The petal floats to the dirt.

The rock solid weapon smashes into the picture frames on the wall.

It tries, but it has no words that reach you.

Another, lands on your foot. You giggle and kick it away.

He brings it down onto the coffee table and breaks it in half. He screams.

It has so many warnings that fall onto deaf ears of its love-struck children.

"He loves me."

"Bitch!"

It tells you that Yeosang is dangerous.

You twist it off and blow it from your fingertips.

He swings his arm back and lets the makeshift weapon collide with the large television.

It tells him that his love is festering.

The second to last petal.

He kicks open the bathroom door.

It tries.

You place it between your index and thumb.

He holds the lipstick he finds between his index and thumb.

It really does.

The last petal is left alone on the stem.

He scribbles profanities on the mirror.

But alas...

"He loves me."

"Anything for you, Petal..."

—

—

[givemea-dam-break]

babes is back

hello my lovies!!!!!!

i am back!!!! much to your pleasure and simultaneous screaming because yes, if i am back, the fics will be back. and they will be painful.

i thought i’d give you guys a little explanation as to why i kind of randomly stopped coming on tumblr despite my reappearances in december, which were because the lovely @neewtmas had her 12 days of christmas (FIND THAT HERE) and we’re online friends in real life (if that makes any sense at all) and i wanted to support her!!!! my wife!!!!

under the cut below is my little rundown, under a cut simply because i don’t want to take up a million scrolls of your dash if you don’t want to read my reasonings or you are just happy i am back (i luv u)

i have felt terrible since becoming inactive on tumblr since i made so many friends and had so so so many people supporting not only my fanfictions but the edits i also started making, so this is also kind of like my apology to you guys because i went so unexpectedly and without any explanation. so if you want to keep reading, then keep reading!

BOO

scary cut. i know. it’s ok. i am here to protect u.

anyways, like i said, my inactivity on tumblr was a completely out of the blue thing that even i didn’t expect. one day, i just found myself unable to go on the app out of pure dread which i had never felt because it was one of my faves.

and not dread because of anything that had happened here per se, just because my life had been becoming a bit of a mess.

that goes way back, but the crux of it was when me and my boyfriend of 4 years (who i had been staying with after my mum moved away) broke up

i won’t get into details about the breakup itself for both my privacy and his (very unique instances caused it), but basically it got worse and worse, and by october time it was getting to a point where i wasn’t feeling right at all. he was messaging me all the time, begging to get back together, the usual, but he was always wanting to come see me at my dads and for SOME REASON felt as though he had some entitlement to meet my new cats aka my little babies. he was saying creepy things to me (that he didn’t mean as creepy) and by november i blocked him.

i wasn’t feeling safe physically, worried i’d see him on my walks home from the shop in a different town that he comes to often to hang out in with his best friend, but also mentally. i wasn’t in a good mental space at all. i was scared. i was confused. he had pushed all of the blame of the breakup onto me. i was working 35 hours a week while being a student (still am) and my brain had no time for anything but work, studying, and worrying.

tumblr isn’t my job, but the pure guilt i felt when i deleted the app hit me like a tonne of bricks. i felt terrible. one of the only things that gave me solace was something i couldn’t bring myself to go on to. i couldn’t bring myself to write the requests i had piling in, ones i still have huge guilt for never getting around to writing. i couldn’t bring myself to keep answering messages or reblogging things because i didn’t have it in me. i didn’t even write at all october-november because i just had nothing in me, which is so so unlike me.

one thing that did keep me going though, was my emails. “eden ew ur job alert emails? ur period tracker app trying to get u onto premium? the emails from the joint account u had with ur ex for his music career that went kasplut?” no silly. maybe the job alerts - my job has too much drama.

no. 15 year old eden logging back into tumblr and setting email notifs on for comments, tags, and inbox was perhaps the smartest thing she did, and she got all A’s in her exams.

every now and then, i’d get a little tumblr notification. one of those “put this in the inbox of one of your favourite blogs blah blah blah” i luv em. can never get myself to do them because of the 13 year old in me screaming to never do chain mail again after carmen winstead and her creepy voicenote. but i love them, and i appreciate every single person who sent me one.

i could see people commenting on my fics, and absolutely loving them. i could see what my mutuals tagged me in, even if i wasn’t able to react to them.

it gave me peace of mind to keep going with my life while still being able to cling onto the happiness this site brings me while not actually accessing it.

i will always be sorry that i left so suddenly, but it was a spur of the moment thing and something i couldn't even explain myself.

i'm back now, but i likely won't be as active as i used to be. i'm prioritising work and my studies as much as i can while still finding time to write. this being said, i can't promise that all requests sent to my inbox/messages will be answered. part of my leaving was being so overwhelmed by them all (and i thank you all for choosing me to requests fics from, it means a lot!) so if your request doesn't get answered, i truly am sorry and it isn't anything personal! maybe I'll get around to it in the future, but for now i want to bring the joy back to writing for me so i will not be overloading myself like i used to!

i hope you can all understand, and know i love you all so, so dearly! i wouldn't have the friends i do or be where i am in life without all of you!

love u all lots lovies <3

-ur favourite person ever ever ever, eden MWAH

[velvet4510]

let’s talk about LOTR book vs. movie differences.

Overall, I prefer the book over the movies. The book just has even more depth, even more great character moments, and of course, all the lore (particularly the appendices) that could never be squeezed into a film, even a film trilogy.

The movies were perfectly cast - every actor was born to play their respective role - with magnificent direction, music, cinematography, and SFX. But the script has many problems when compared to the book.

These are, IMO, the worst changes that the films made (in no particular order):

Far too much emphasis on action/battle scenes. Helm’s Deep is 1 chapter long in the book but the equivalent of at least 5 chapters long in the movie. Ridiculous. LOTR has action scenes, but it is not an action story.

Frodo sending Sam away and going into Shelob’s lair without him. Everything about this added scene is an absolute atrocity. Enough said.

The entire butchering of Faramir. It’s really quite tragic. For the sake of drama, the films stripped Faramir of everything that makes him the incredible character that he is in the book.

Deleting the Scouring of the Shire. I get why (pacing), but it’s the true climax to the hobbits’ storyline and character arcs, and is just a better ending IMO.

Not including any of Frodo’s moments of impressive strength from the book (saving his friends from the Barrow-wight, fighting back against the Nazgûl at Weathertop, defying the Nazgûl at the ford, saving Boromir from a troll in Moria, and choosing all by himself to go to Mordor alone). He has so many bad*ss moments in the book that Elijah Wood would’ve nailed, but the movies made him too helpless and didn’t give a true talent like Elijah nearly as much to work with. (Elijah himself, though, is absolute perfection in the role, and it pains me to think how many great moments from the book he was robbed of.)

Cutting Tolkien’s beautiful songs, especially the “Man in the Moon” from the Prancing Pony. Why couldn’t the film have been part-musical???

Gandalf’s fall looks like he just…lets go. For some reason. In the book, the Balrog’s whip drags him down immediately, but onscreen he grabs onto the cliff and then lets go himself. Makes no sense.

All the stupid hamfisted foreshadowing of Boromir’s attempted theft of the Ring. The script bashes it over our heads, especially in Galadriel’s scene, and I have no idea why any of this was added. Why not just show Boromir glancing at Frodo and the Ring several times, like the book describes? That’s all that was needed.

Making so many jokes at Gimli’s expense because of his height and reducing him to mere comic relief. In the book his character is treated with dignity and has such depth.

Reducing Faramir and Éowyn’s phenomenal love story to a single 30-second scene. Screw pacing, those two deserved a full half hour (at the very least) of screentime dedicated to just them.

The butchering of Tolkien’s point about the Ring’s power by making Isildur’s failure seem like a personal flaw, to the point where it’s the reason Aragorn doesn’t want to be king. A refusal to destroy the Ring isn’t about the Ring-bearer’s own internal character; it’s about how the Ring’s power is absolute and no mortal has a chance of directly destroying it. Elrond, Gandalf, Aragorn, et. al. are fully aware of this in Tolkien’s canon. This change makes it seem like there’s something wrong with Isildur and Frodo specifically for not destroying the Ring.

Cutting the pivotal moment of Sam’s entire character arc where he takes the Ring from Frodo’s body, decides to try to continue the Quest alone, and then wears the Ring to hide from the Orcs. The movies just cut all of this critical content just for the sake of a surprise reveal of “omg Sam’s got the Ring!”

Deleting the CRUCIAL scene where Frodo curses Gollum outside the Cracks of Doom. The whole point of Gollum’s fall is that it’s not caused by a physical struggle between him and Frodo (as the movie portrays), but rather by his own actions, breaking his oath to Frodo and ignoring the warning within Frodo’s curse. The movie instead makes it into the climax of a typical action film.

Apparently this doesn’t bother most fans, but it most certainly bothers me: reducing Rosie to distant eye candy for Sam who he’s never talked to. In the book their relationship is so much more substantial because they grew up together and know each other inside & out and Sam’s love for her actually feels real. In the movies, the relationship just feels so shallow.

Referring to Frodo’s ride to Valinor as “the last ship to leave Middle-Earth.” A flat-out lie when you know Tolkien’s canon, completely ignoring the fact that Sam will be allowed to sail West eventually and they will reunite. They don’t even include Frodo’s line “your time may come, Sam.”

Sam, Rosie, and their children apparently not living in Bag End at the end. One of the book’s most beautiful developments is that after years of being too big for bachelors, Frodo’s generous parting gift to Sam finally enables Bag End to be a family home. It shocks me that the trilogy ends on a closeup of a random yellow hobbit-hole door instead of Bag End’s iconic green door.

On the other hand, there are a few book-to-film changes that I really like:

Arwen helping Frodo at the Ford instead of Glorfindel. I just love the idea of giving Arwen something important to do in the actual narrative, besides just being Aragorn’s wife. At the same time, as I said, I feel like the way the film did it made Frodo too helpless. My ideal version would be a mix of the two: Arwen meets the travellers in Glorfindel’s place but then sends Frodo off on her horse by himself, like Glorfindel does.

Boromir training and playing with Merry & Pippin.

Boromir carrying Frodo out of Moria.

“Give them a moment, for pity’s sake!”

Boromir saying “they took the little ones” instead of “they took the halflings.”

My favorite of all of the screenwriters’ additions that aren’t in the book is the immortal “Roast chicken” exchange.

Giving Théoden a sadder, more realistic reaction to his only child’s death.

Just giving Éowyn more screen time and showing why she falls in love with Aragorn. In the book, she only talks to him a few times and her love for him feels quite rushed; one of the book’s few flaws, in my mind.

Pippin being the one to directly save Faramir by jumping onto the pyre and rolling him off of it to safety.

Denethor realizing too late that Faramir is alive; a heartbreaking moment.

Théoden getting to see that Éowyn is the one who saved him and say a proper goodbye to her. It’s so unsatisfying in the book how he never knows she was there; I much prefer how Éowyn in the movie gets that moment of closure with her beloved uncle.

“I can carry you!” is the scene with the greatest page-to-screen adaptation, hands down. Everything from the acting to the gut-wrenching addition of “do you remember the Shire?” to the music is flawless. Makes me choke up every single time without fail.

The Ring lingering on the lava’s surface, trying to survive, and only melting when Frodo chooses Sam over it. Absolutely phenomenal.

Frodo saying “I’m glad to be with you��� to Sam on Mt. Doom instead of “I’m glad you’re with me.”

“You bow to no one.”

Expanding the timeline of Frodo’s last months in the Shire after their return from 2 years to 4 years. I love Jackson for gifting Frodo more time in the Shire before his departure than Tolkien gave him.

I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts about their favorite and least favorite book-to-film changes!