#and to this day im still wondering. how did he see that post? well. obviously he used to lurk stan accounts then.

[sunnykeysmash]

I'm glad I'm not alone in wanting Ryan to get Rob to get a tumblr to see the amount of people who would shit themselves cause I would find it personally hilarious to not only see the fandom wide freakout but also Rob's reaction to said fandom. Frankenstein shunning his monster and then chasing it after he murders his fiancé and then dying in the pursuit vibes.

It would be hilarious!! I'm not ashamed of my blog at all, hey, if Rob wants to see what I get up to when it comes to his weird little show, that's good with me. I think it would be hysterical if he read any of my posts, and doubly so if he made an account and people started asking him about macdennis 😭 Cmon.

And... have we all forgotten the times where he used to lurk twitter anyway? I mean, I'm pretty sure he knows what we do here, tumblr account or not... Uh, pic related.

[ell-does-stuff]

MAKING A BIG OL POST OF EVERYTHING I GOTTA SAY ABOUT THE NEW SPOOKY MONTH BECAUSE HOLY SHITTTT THERES A LOT

‼️‼️SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY‼️‼️

THE THIEVES ARE BACK WOOOOOOOO!! IVE MISSED THEM SM

also eepy lila

while gathering images for this ive noticed that the "pile of dexter" as im calling it is staring at the thieves the whole time they're in the attic (specifically fat thief)

is he somehow still alive???? just possessing a pile of dead doll????????

so cool to see the big ass spider get some actual relevance!! def gonna be important next episode for sure

ROSS'S DAD!!!!!!!!

also jaune is so pretty with her hair down like omggg... love to see her being such a supportive friend to lila as well

"are you throwing away dad's stuff mom?" WAAAAAA MY POOR BABYYY IM GONNA CRYYY

HI KEVIN HI KEVIN HI KEVIN HI KEVIN HI KEVIN HI KEVIN HI KEVIN HI KEVIN HI KEVIN HI KEVIN HI KEVIN HI KEVIN HI KEVIN HI KEVIN HI KEVIN HI KEVIN HI KEVIN HI KEVIN HI KEVIN HI KEVIN

theyre so me

DEXTERRRRJRJRJRHSHSHDBBDBSB!!+!!!!!(!!

"this cat looks sick im taking it to the vet" BULLSHIT i know what you are. 👁️👁️

DEXTER'S MOM!?!?????!?!?!?!?!!!??? i had no idea she would ever show up like wow i did not expect to see her at all

poor little babies and their lack of parents

ok sorry ik im joking here but MAN this scene made me feel bad 😭😭😭

THE FUCK.

pretty sure this dude is the same guy as the "costume bob" in the last episode??? i felt bad for him last time but here he seems like kind of a pathetic and weird ass man ngl lol

RADFORRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!(!!(;+;!;(;;(;??;(;;!!(+!!++!(++!

HES SUCH A GOD DAMN SILLY NERD MAN LIKEEEEE "he even sounds like he does in the movies!!!!!!" BROOOO I LOVE HIMMMMMMMMMM DJJDGWHDHSHFH

he is EXACTLY how i pictured he would be!! my brain is not gonna shut up about him for the next few days i just know it HAHAHAH

also my caramelpopcorn (thats their ship name right?? or was it candycorn??? i forgor lol) heart is completely full, i loved actually seeing him and kevin canonically interact, they are perfect <3

HES IN THE CANDY CLUB OUTFIRTBD RJSHNF EBDJFBSBDJC EJDUFBEBW DKXN SCUEBFNFBRJSJCJCHDB!!!!(!!!!!;+;(;!!(+!!

"im... uh... like an uncle!!" "i just wanna help the children..." BROO??? feeling kinda bad for frank rn, these are like the only kids he genuinely cares about and hes being turned away from em

ik hes a shady guy but STILL

GREGOR LOOKS SO GOOFY DOING THE DANCE JDBDHSHFHD LIKE WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE THATTTTT

also i made this gif myself yall better like it

aaaaaaaaaand dexter's mom is dead.

like son like mother i guess 💀

love how ignacio's door has small little boards on it from when they bashed it with a hammer HAHAHHA

also, looking at the inside of ignacio's house, is that john's family on the little table there???

one of the images in the arg gives a better look at this, but i had no idea it was in IGNACIO'S HOUSE of all places. why does he have that??? and right by the gun too.... what is this silly cult man planning......

(the arg image in question if yall were wondering)

"we understand you" "we're here for you dude" "thank you guys, i just wish things weren't so..." HATZGANG FRIENDSHIP WAAAAA!!!!!

also ROY HAS BEEN THROUGH SHIT MY POOR GUYYYY i wanna hug him mannnn 🥺

IMAGE LIMIT IS KILLING ME SO IM GONNA REBLOG THIS WITH MORE SHIT TO SAY BECAUSE I AM NOT DONE MANNN‼️‼️‼️‼️

[bbunivxrse]

AHHH I LOVED UR "HATED HIM" GOJO FIC ITS SO CUTEE🥹 I WANNA SEE A PART 2!! im curious will the reader date gojo or js continue to hate him lmao

❥ IMPROVEMENTS - SATORU GOJO

pairing: gojo x f!reader contents: pt 2 to this fic although you dont need to read it to understand this one. no warnings js fluff here !!! word count: 2.5k on the DOT a/n: HII NONNIE IM SSOOO HAPPY U LIKED IT!!! im sorry this took so long ive been busy with work and exams coming up :( hopefully i can post more often soon :((( ANYWAZ ENJOY

so maybe you don’t hate Satoru Gojo. not anymore. since that moment you shared with him, you thought everything would go back to normal, and for the most part it did. well, you think it did, but everyone else saw the changes clear as day.

as time passed, from an outside perspective it seemed like the two of you suddenly had a… “stable” friendship. both “stable” and “friendship” being used very very loosely. although gojo prefered “happy relationship” and “loving marriage”. the yelling matches (you yelling at gojo while he just sits there and smiles like an idiot) that used to occur multiple times daily went down to only once a day, if at all. you didn’t seem to shoo him away as much or rant about how annoying he is. it was almost like you were warming up to him.

if nobody knew what had happened between the two of you it would’ve seemed like a random switch that went off one day, except everyone did know what happened, cuz gojo’s big mouth went and told everyone the next fucking day. to escape being made fun of to no end, you told everyone you only kissed him so he’d shut up and there was no feelings beyond that, which was half true. the other half of you knew that being all bandaged up by him after a mission gone wrong, sitting in his bed while he tells you how much he cares about you, a man who’d usually piss you off and act all goofy. to see him like that was like a breath of really fresh air and kinda changed the way you saw him.

obviously he was still super annoying and pissed you off, but he seemed to finally get the memo and tuned it down so that it was actually manageable. his laugh was suddenly cuter, his face was less punchable and his flirting was almost starting to fluster you. almost. he still made those stupid comments and monologues for waaayy too long but he got a lot sweeter in his teasing and actions. he somehow found out what your favourite foods and places to eat were and bought you food after long days of school, training sessions and missions and took you to places around tokyo on outings “dates”. your friendship with him was finally tolerable. 

waking up on a sunday morning, you hear the sound of buzzing from your phone on your bedside table. 

incoming call from gojo.

its way too early for him to be bothering you already, but you know very well that if you don’t pick up now he’ll keep calling til you do. you silently curse shoko for giving him your number when he asked her, since he already knew you’d say no to him. “what do you want?” you answer his call, putting the phone to your ear as you sit up in bed. “good morning to you too i guess..” you can hear the pouting in his voice. “what are you up to today??” 

“i’m training a bit with nanami and haibara later.” you check the clock on the table, mentally starting to plan when you’re gonna start getting ready to meet the two of them. “nanami!? why would you train with him!? he doesn’t know anything.” he seemed to completely tune out the second name you mentioned

“he knows more than you.” you laugh at his dramatic gasp over the phone, picturing the look on his face. “whateverrrr. you should train with me instead!” 

“no.” 

“what!? why not?? im soooo much better than him!” you can hear the passion in his voice and you begin to wonder how he can have so much energy so early in the morning, especially on a sunday. “please humble yourself, and i already told nanami i’d train with them anyway.” you glance back at your clock, continuing to consider how long you can stay in bed for. “fiiineee. we can train together next time. what’re you doing after that?” 

“after training i’m gonna…” your voice trails off as you think back to earlier this week, trying to recall if you had made any other plans with anyone for today. “not doing anything later. i’m probably gonna go back to my dorm.” you confessed, forgetting exactly who you were on the phone with. “oh so you’re free later? perfect! we sh-“ 

“no, i’m not free. i’m going back to my dorm gojo. and i’m staying there. all day.” you make sure to give him the details of your plan to stay in your room so he doesn’t have any wiggle room to plan anything. “hmmmm.. okay! ill just come over then!” 

“what?? n-“ 

“cyalaterbye!!” you hear the phone beep as he hangs up, now looking down at your lock screen. 'god he’s sooo annoying.'

getting out of bed after looking down at your clock again, you decide you have more than enough time to watch a bit of the show you’ve been catching up on. maybe about two and a half episodes?

checking the time halfway through the first episode, you decide you’re not in the mood to continue watching and you’ll watch a movie instead after training. you get up and begin getting ready for the scheduled training session you had, lightly fixing up your hair so you looked presentable and throwing on your uniform before heading out. 

training with nanami and haibara went well, and you were all surprised gojo didn’t show up to bother you but you figured he was busy with his own thing. coming home you immediately threw your uniform onto the floor and went to take a shower, feeling all gross and sweaty. ‘ill pick it up later.’

you turn the water on, allowing it to get hot before stepping into the shower. you decided to use your favourite body wash that smelled like heaven in a bottle, the scent filling up the entire bathroom and making all the air around you smell like your favourite fragrance. you linger in the shower for a bit, the hot water feeling therapeutic against your skin. once you were done you headed back to your room, throwing on some comfy flared sweats and a random tank top from your wardrobe. looking in the mirror, the outfit was surprisingly cute, and really comfortable.

in a good mood from the nice shower and already feeling pretty after only putting on some  random clothes, you decided to have fun and do some light makeup. maybe you’ll run a few errands later? you were a bit low on snacks at the moment.

finishing off your makeup with a pretty lipgloss, you look in your little snack drawer to see what you had left. some gum, a few candies and one bag of your favourite chips you’re planning to save. maybe it was time to restock. 

you throw on a light jacket and grab your bag, gathering your essentials and getting your shoes on before leaving your dorm. you decided to go to the little convenience store only a few minutes away since they had all the snacks you like. 

within a few minutes you made it to the store, picking out a bunch of snacks and candies you liked. as you were looking at the new flavours of candy they had, the bell by the door jingled as someone entered the store. “y/n!!” you heard a familiar voice behind you. “why are you here?? you said you were staying in your dorm. all day.” gojo mocks the tone you used with him on the phone earlier. “i changed my mind. why are you here?” 

“satoru wanted to get some candy on the way home.” suguru appears from behind him, giving you a smile and a polite wave. “hmm.. they have a nice selection here, what do you think i should get?” gojo puts a hand to his chin as he looks through all the candies. “the sour green apple candy from this brand is really good. and the lemon flavour too, they’re my favourites.” you say as you point to the candies. “then they’re my favourites too,” gojo immediately picks up two of each flavour you recommended, before picking a few other candies he knows you like.

“you do not need all that sweetness. think about your health.” suguru grimaces at the amount of sweets in gojos hands. “i’m not gonna eat all of it! do you really think that low of me? i’m sharing with my girlfriend.” he plops his purchase on the counter for the cashier, smiling down at you “and i’m still coming over,” 

“i didnt agree to that, nor do you have girlfriend.” 

“don’t care,” gojo shrugs as he takes his bag full of your favourite candies, cheerfully skipping out the door followed by you and suguru. the two of you followed as he happily pranced down the street and back to school. 

“you’re really not gonna leave me alone?” 

“nope!” you and gojo stand outside your dorm as he waits for you to unlock the door. you sign at his persistence, grabbing your keys from your bag and opening the door. he had never actually been in your dorm before so this was like a new world to him. “kinda messy in here. you needa clean up a bit y/n” gojo steps inside as if it were his own house, yet looks around at your space as if he were at a museum. “do you ever shut up? and take your shoes off. don’t step on my nice carpet. if it gets dirty i will kill you.” 

“yes ma’am.” he obeyed as if his life was truly in danger. you take off your own shoes, putting your jacket and bag away before plopping yourself on your bed. you watch gojo pace around your small dorm room, picking up random objects to inspect before humming and placing it back down. you know he should be monitored carefully while in proximity of your stuff but you really can’t be bothered to babysit right now and just allow him to stimulate himself.

after a few minutes of replying to missed texts from a few of your friends, you hear gojo sigh, dropping the bag of candy on the floor and placing his glasses alongside the makeup you put on earlier. you realize he hadn’t said a word for those few minutes. “you’re being too silent, what are yo-“ gojo fully drops himself on top of you, his hard head hitting your chest so hard you swear you heard a rib crack. “holy fucking shit you fatass, get off me!! you’re heavy.” you try to push him off you but he doesn’t budge. “but ‘m tired baby,” he whines as he made himself more comfortable on top of you. “i will kill you.” 

“m‘kay..” gojo yawns, wrapping his arms around you. now you’re stuck, great. you honestly didn’t think the word ‘tired’ existed in gojo’s vocabulary since he somehow always has energy. you had never seen him sleep before, which sounds somewhat normal until you remember the overnight trips and missions you and your classmates went on frequently, where gojo never slept. or he never let anyone see him sleep. you didn’t really realize it until now, with him on your chest already seeming close to knocking out.

as much as it annoyed you that you couldn’t get up to eat the candy he’d bought for the two of you to have, you figured if you woke him up he’d just bother the shit out of you until you let him sleep again, and you honestly realize how cute he is when he’s quiet. sighing in defeat, you open up your laptop that you had left on your bed earlier and throw on a movie you had already wanted to watch today. “hm..? what’s that?” gojo mumbles as he’s half asleep. “the movie suguru recommended me the other day. the one about the samurai?” 

“ohhh.” gojo turns his head away from the screen to rest on the other side of his head “that one sucks. and the main character dies.” 

“ugh, spoiler warning next time??” you flick the top of his head as he laughs. you scroll through the selection of movies on the site, humming occasionally while adding interesting movies to your watch later list. eventually you find a random movie that you had never heard of but it looks interesting enough and decide to watch it. the large boy laying on top of you turns his head back to the screen once he hears the new film playing. this time he doesn’t say anything, but you notice his eyes struggling to stay open as he yawns literally every waking minute.

“gojo why don’t you go back to your dorm to sleep? you can barely keep your eyes open,” you giggle at him as he tries to look offended but clearly doesn’t have to energy to. “mn-mm. ‘m watchin… with my wife.” he yawns mid sentence. “well i’m not your wife, soooo…” 

“you are my wife… we’re married… you remember.”  you know he normally only says stuff like that to get under your skin, but sometimes it sounds like he truly believes it, which is a bit scary. you can’t even pay attention to the movie with how hard you’re contemplating to get him off you and in his own bed, but it seems there’s truly no solution. he’s a freakishly tall and muscular man with 100% of his body weight on top of you, so you obviously can’t push him off. and he clearly wont willingly get up, and you know you can’t convince him to get up, so you begin to accept that you might actually be stuck here. 

“ill let you stay if you grab the bag of candy for me,” gojo seems to be too tired to remember that there’s nothing you can do to force him to leave and he easily could’ve refused. he lazily throws the bag onto the bed beside you before plopping himself right back where he was before. “now lemme stay.” you roll your eyes instinctively, grabbing the bag and picking out one of the candies gojo had picked for you. he lets out one last yawn before allowing his tiredness to consume him.

as you open up the sweets and start eating, you look down at gojo. you never really took a moment to actually realize how pretty he really is, and especially how cute he looks while he sleeps. as creepy as that sounds. you think it’s because his mouth is finally shut and he’s not saying the most annoying sentences he can come up with, or constantly blabbering to you about stuff you never asked him about and have no interest in. you honestly didn’t mind this heavy man peacefully asleep on top of you as you eat candy and watch a movie. it was quite nice, actually. maybe you’ll start to allow gojo to do things like this more often. 

i really had no idea how to end this :SOB: but it turned out well i hope. pls send requests btw i have ZERO idea what to write neext

[colbystoes]

Rumors

Part 2. Part 2 sams ver.

—

colby brock x fem!reader

summary: sam, colby, and you go to a haunted area. During the recording, colby isnt very affectionate towards you. when you all get scared, colby decides to comfort r/n not you. viewers suspect and make rumors about your relationship with colby.

disclaimer: this is just a made up place and im not going off one of their videos. (D/N) is your dogs name and R/N is a random girls name(idk)

…

“WHATS UP GUYS its sam and colby! and today we’re going to be exploring an haunted area with two special guests..”colby exclaimed.

“hi!” you and r/n wave at the camera when they point towards you guys.

you’ve never been fond about being out in the middle of the night in a haunted area. It never really caught your attention. You zone out while sam and colby explain what we’re going to be doing. you think to urself if it wasn’t for colby, you wouldn’t be here with two idiots in the middle of the night.

“..and here we go!..” sam shouted as he grabbed the camera from the cars hood.

You follow them closely behind and listen to everything near you. it spooks you on how calm sam and colby can be during this time. The crunch of the leaves calms you down. R/n tries making conversations with you but you respond very dryly. You enter the building by jumping over bricks, assuming its the window part of the wall, basically illegally. Watching your step, you grab onto sam when he helps you down, spitting out a quiet thank you. Lifting your head, taking a look at colby wondering why he didn’t help you. Your mind wonders off, forgetting about the video.

Walking over into a unsettling room, a loud bang echoed through the walls and you freeze in shock. R/N jumps over to Colby and grips his shoulder, Colby comforts her and doesn’t call you over or anything. Ignoring his actions, you walk over to where you think the sound was made as soon you did sam zooms in on you. You shout loudly when a piece of brick fell.

“OH FUCK NO. I’m leaving right now!” you screamed at them, running out the building towards the car. You can hear r/n shout at you to come back, but you ignore her and keep on running. Something about that place felt off, like something or someone was watching you. You shake in terror as you wait for them in the car.

Sam, Colby and r/n open the doors to the car placing the camera down, but obviously still recording they ask you why you left like that. You replied with a shrug and look out the window. The car ride back home was quiet. It was dead silence, and uncomfortable silence. Many thoughts run your mind like “why didn’t colby even comfort me” or “why isn’t he even paying attention to me”. You shake off the thoughts while you grab your stuff and head towards the door of the house. Unlocking the front door, you were greeted by your dog (D/N) you pet it and leave to your shared room with colby.

You walk in and see sam and colby already there. You roll your eyes and grab some clothes to shower. Stopping midway, you ask sam something.

“hey sam.. are you going to post that video?..” you questioned, furrowed your eyebrows.

“yea, what about it?” he replied “well… its nothing.” you answered back, ending the conversation.

2 HOURS LATER

“hey.. are you okay? i realized you didn’t sit with me to eat.” colby asked with concern lingering in his words.

“im fine. you dont need to ask, just be with r/n since you cared about her more and also im sleeping in the guest room.” you walked out with a pillow and blanket. Laying down and staring at the ceiling of room, you think to yourself. “i know colby isn’t gonna care for her since they barely know eachother.., but it hurts to not see him comfort you.” you start dazing off with those lingering thoughts.

NEXT DAY

You scroll through the comments of the video, laughing once in a while because of silly comments. You start noticing comments about colby and you. You frown and read the comments.

“colby looks so cold towards Y/N!!”

“did they break up? they look distant.”

“Why is colby giving her such cold stares.”

“why did colby comfort r/n and not y/n?..”

it goes on and on.

*****

The list of comments goes on and on. Tears trickled down your cheeks as you scroll and scroll through the comment section, tears blurring your vision. You got so fast the stool fell down and made a loud clanking noise that startled sam. Your footsteps banging against the hard wood floor, you slam the bedroom door and sob into your pillow.

Thinking about last night, you realized colby was distant. He was cold towards you the whole night. Sam walks into your room and just hugs you. He knows why you’re acting and feeling like this. He saw the comments.

******

so like.. this is my first post and like idk how to feel abt it. but pt 2 will come out in a few days, ive been so busy w practice so yea.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

Hi hello I watched all of carmilla in a weekend when I was 17 because a student teacher who in retrospect I had a bit of a crush on mentioned that she knew one of the actresses. also I am pretty invested in all your recent vampire stuff because I watched iwtv in 2 days last week because your edit intrigued me

oh hiiii 🫶 thank you for indulging me. thats so cool that you watched iwtv! did it live up to the expectation?

i also watched carmilla at 17! or like, 17-19. i found it when s2 had just started and followed it to the end. did something permanent to my brain but i think it was a good thing. on rewatch now im like, i was right to like this. like it's a solid show, it's good. it has its flaws obviously but it's well written, the emotional moments still get me, i can see why i liked it and i still like it now even when it's not anymore, you know, meeting every need that baby gay me didnt even know they had

what it doesnt reaallyy do though - i dont remember if i posted abt this or if i left it in my drafts but - is explore vampirism as a concept. their subject matter is more lesbianism than vampirism. which is great! thats what they wanted to do and they did it and it's very good. but reading interview with the vampire the book rn im realising how much potential vampires have to be metaphors for like so many things and i started wondering like 'wait, did carmilla just not really engage with it or did it all go over my head'. but it just didnt really engage with it all that much. which again is fine bc that wasnt what they were doing. im glad they were more about the lesbianism than the vampirism

but there's this interesting difference in framing, because in iwtv they keep calling armand 'ancient' right? and emphasising how old he is. and he's like 500? and i was like 'wait isnt carmilla like 400?'. she isnt, shes 340, but still, thats getting there, you know? and we know quite a lot about her history, but kind of just the Big Events. when she was turned, the events of the novella, coffin of blood, silas. thats sort of what we know. but none of the long lonely slog of history day to day you know? with armand i feel like we can really feel how much time everything takes. how every one of those years is made up of single days. with carmilla i dont feel that as much. i keep kind of thinking about daniel, when louis calls him a boy in the first episode, saying "im an old man, with all the triggers that come with it"

because carmilla might look 18 (or mid twenties at this point) but she has lived all that time. shes also seen her native land be claimed by like a succession of ruling powers, right? like armand. shes been buried alive, like louis. when lestat is born, shes already 80 years old, shes lived a whole human lifetime, and the entire adult part of it shes been a vampire. shes lived through 1680-1870 being a lure. i compared her to abigail hobbs in some tags on a post, i dont know if youre familiar with hannibal the tv show, but i do also kinda keep thinking about that comparison

if youre not familiar, in the first episode of hannibal the murderer of the week is this guy garrett jacob hobbs who kills and cannibalises girls who resemble his daughter. and later on it turns out she was made to be his lure. like they'd go places and he'd sent her to the victims to make friends and maybe get them back to their home or smth. not sure if they specified all the details. but that's what carmilla did for mother. and in s2 we hear from mattie that while every couple of decades carmilla had to lure victims for the fish god, she also seemed to just enjoy humans between those times, right? like the doctor, gets lonely, gets a new companion. but we've only sort of got mattie's mocking word for it ("dont eat him, hes a poet! or her, shes got such a wonderful voice. or that one, shes just too pretty to ruin"), we don't know exactly from carmilla's point of view what she was doing or why. if mattie's talking about stuff that happened after the blood coffin, 1950-now, then i think it's a fair assumption based on what carmilla says in the s1 sock puppet show that after she'd figured out what the real situation was and what her role in it was, when she'd started trying to save girls from being sacrificed, that she mightve been doing the same trying to save people from becoming mattie's victims. it's probably more likely that she was just trying to find excuses to stop mattie from sucking someone dry rather than actually having like an aesthetic based morality. but it might be a bit of both. im still trying to figure out what her philosophy actually is, like i dont know what existentialism actually means ghkfjghkj but i will

i also found it pretty striking in the movie when shes turning back into a vampire she says like "this was supposed to be done, you know? the blood lust, the self-loathing, the sleeping tied to a chair in my own bedroom". thats what defines her vampirism, wanting blood and hating yourself for it (the third part is a joke/reference to s1 but also i think meaningful for how she sees her relationship with laura when she IS a vampire. little bit of that 'she will reject me for my monstrousness' shining through). and thats what defines vampirism for lots of vampires across the genre obviously, but i dont know, it struck me. we dont get a lot from carmilla's pov, we know a fair amount about her, but the story is always told through laura. we get laura's diaries, but just snippets here and there from carmilla, what shes thinking, how shes feeling

and i love that shes a philosopher. i love that thats how she seems to try and find something to hold onto, in a world that kind of moves around her, having been murdered, kidnapped, turned and groomed to be a lure on the cusp of adulthood, never having been properly loved (the relationship with her father wasnt good she says in s3, and her mortal mother i dont think has ever been mentioned (like laura's)). the only good relationship she seems to have had for the better part of 3 centuries seems to have been mattie, and mattie seems to love being a vampire. i can imagine carmilla just sort of going along with anything mattie wants to do just because shes so desperate for that friendship. not like, against her will necessarily really. but more like, she hasnt even had the space to develop her own will, you know? and philosophy lets you do that. philosophy gives you frameworks to understand the world and to develop your own opinions on it. and by the 21st century she seems to have developed those opinions, she has a sense of her own values, but shes also still stuck in that same situation. shes jaded and cynical in the face of laura's optimism and strong moral code a lot of the time in s1 because she feels probably pretty powerless. like she does what she can to save some girls but at the end of the day shes scared of her mother and she has nowhere else to go really, right?

i like how she grapples with that over the course of the series, in tandem with laura grappling with her black and white morality. she sort of jumps ship from her mother to laura bc theyve fallen in love, but then laura still stuck in her hero thinking refuses to see her monstrous side. not literally bc i think the biological vampirism never seemed to be a problem for laura, but morally. the having murdered. carmilla needs laura to see that and love her while seeing it bc the last girl she loved rejected her for being a vampire.

but you see her kind of swing back and forth in s2. she softens first with laura but then they break up and she leans back hard into the sarcastic cynic defense mechanisms, leans hard into "im a monster, dont expect heroism from me". but thats like, it's sort of learned helplessness i think. it's powerlessness, resignation. bc morally shes not a monster. maybe she doesnt have as strong a drive to help other people as laura does and is a little more selfishly hedonistic in that she just wants to enjoy her/their life, but she doesnt hurt people for fun, she never has. she just sort of didnt have another option for a Really long time. so she pretends she doesnt care. "im a vampire, this is what i do, this is who i am". but clearly from the way she talks about it when she turns back into one, she doesnt enjoy it

and i like how she goes even further in s3, where she starts swinging even more to the heroic side, bc she sees hope. shes like "wow if we kill my mother, i'd be free". theres hope and she becomes like a lot more active. and shes like that at the start of the movie too, a lot happier, a lot more relaxed, and then vampirism is back and bam depression gfhgkjh like shes immediately more gloomy, ashamed of her past and her self, retreats into herself

sorry i just took this as an opportunity to dump all the carmilla thoughts floating in my head on you. you didnt ask fhkghgjh consider this an open invitation to you or anyone else to come talk to me about carmilla

[peachyloveswriting]

wow!!! the immortality post was so good!! you captured every character so well 🫶 im glad that for nai’s part he stopped himself before he accidentally killed reader—i wonder how insane that would’ve made him. i’m tempted by how angsty that would be …

Anon: *Slides angst onto table*

Me: (in a very suspicious and obviously trying to not be obvious outfit) *snatches the angst and runs away with an evil cackle.*

If you can't tell, angst is my favorite and OMG I absolutely love this idea I'm drooling over it as we speak. Sadly though I feel like my last knives fix was rushed so I'm going to try and write this one better for you.

IT'S A GOOD THING I CAN'T DIE --- Millions Knives

SUMMARY: How could he ever do something like this. And why to you of all people?

WARNING: Death, descriptions of death, mutilation, trauma.

⸝⸝⸝⸝⸝

He has always seen himself as being incapable of caring for someone else. Humans are especially at the top of this list, they are the very thing he's worked so hard to get rid of and yet, he let one walk right into his life. You slowly took over everything he did, his planning became filled with ensuring you had food to eat, finding you a place to sleep and keeping you safe. He kept you in his company, even while you slept, just in fear of what others might do to you. He knows his disciples don't like you, they'd even go as far as killing you, but Knives, he would never hurt you. Never has the day come that he has ever thought about laying a hand on you and if he dared, he might mutilate himself.

The time for that day fills with its unprecedented arrival and it swallows him whole, eating him alive with guilt. In this moment he stands frozen, unable to think or move. Beyond the door he attacked had come a name, his name, in your voice of all things. In his worst nightmares he's dreamt of this but... was it really you?

Just hours before this he had seen a horrific sight, one he hopes will be wiped from his mind forever, an image of you laying in a pool of blood. Impaling every open spot of your skin is nails, each of them driving through to the floor and mangling you beyond recognition. Maybe it wasn't you that he saw, his mind was just playing a trick on him. At this point, he's too scared to break himself from this trance, he doesn't want to know what dead body lies outside that door. He knows he has to check it soon or he might lose his mind at the thought of killing you.

Pulling out of the trance, his tendrils hook the door and relieve it from its place upon the hinges. It snaps with a loud crack as he pulls it away and sets it to the side. Even with the ability to see the body laying in his doorway, Knives is too scared to look. He refuses to bring his eyes forward, and looks away. If the blood seeping into the carpet was yours, what would he do? Would he actually kill himself? Without you, what would he do?

Knives begins to gather the courage to look down at the body in his doorway, casting his eyes to the figure, it runs his blood dry.

The blood covers the whole room outside, it makes his stomach churn at the sight. Saliva fills his mouth, Knives keels over from the sudden intrusion and opens his mouth to let his stomachs contents pour out. Without it being any substantial food at all, it burns the back of his throat with bial. Tears build and blur his eyesight, keeping him from making out the full body, but he didn't have to look that long to know who it was.

Falling apart around him feels like the world, his last line of sanity, the only thing he cared for has been stripped away and by his own hands. If only he had inspected the first body closer he might not have killed you in a fit of rage, he might be able to salvage any sanity still left over, but it's long demented. Simmering in the juices of hysteria.

To his knees, he falls. First Vash and now you. This couldn't really be happening could it? The body before him smells of you, but how could it really be you? Why did you step in at the wrong time? Why did he fail?

From his throat erupts a scream of raw, unadulterated, pain. It's sad and pulled with sorrow before it delves back down into a low sinister cackle. Hysterical to no end, Knives finally loses it. Everything he's lived for up until now could go to waste, and everyone else better swear to God for their safety, if anyone touches you he might not step back over the edge. Any drop of sanity he might just have left, will be gone. Not even Vash would be able to bring him back.

[quodekash]

guys jokezo just made out and now they have to share a bed together. just chew on that for a bit.

NO, DON'T GIVE ME THEM SITTING ON A BUS

GIVE ME WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THEY HAD TO SLEEP IN THE SAME FREAKING BED IMMEDIATELY AFTER THEY MADE OUT

👀

(they made out last night btw)

(just in case anyone forgot)

(and then they had to share a bed)

ass x7

also zo is fully just not doing anything lmao

everyone's pushing with all their might and zo is just 🧍‍♂️

FUIWEBSDGIOUVEWJBOGD

oh the desperate thigh grab

yeah, im with him on this, they need to talk about it. especially about how they had to slEEP IN THE SAME FREAKING BED AFTER THAT

welp. I guess joke's day was just ruined in a slap to the face disguised as a few words

AND THE WAY HE TAKES HIS HAND OFF ZO'S THIGH AFTER THAT????? OUCHHHH

I must say tho, this is really giving episode-6-of-bad-buddy

its very patpran-post-rooftop-kiss-core

the vibes be gay and yearning and very very sad

OKAY, THE MOTHER, FINALLY

a few things to say about her

1. she's gorgeous

2. DAMN she is SHORT

3. I was rewatching the first four episodes yesterday and today because I could, and I noticed in the first episode, zo asked his friends to not tag him in photos they took at the bar, because "I don't want my mum to see"

but my question is... why? he's just out drinking with friends, he's an adult, he's not being irresponsible or anything, so why doesn't he want her to see the photos?

is it something to do with what his mum thinks of him? is she overbearing? does she have high expectations of him? does she kinda suck?

she's probably lovely though, and ill end up adding her to my list-of-fictional-parents-to-get-adopted-by (it's a very long list)

I guess we shall find out today as the episode progresses

oh, honey, you're so queer

the amount of times ive done exactly this

she's so short its hilarious omg

also: ive decided I love his mum

she's so sweet

and neither of them know how to use a stove and I think that's so hilarious and endearing

HSDHSHFSHDHHS

(also: this scene is making me think of akkayan at aye's house having a meal with his mum and rhbgdhjgb)

he's putting two and two together

the few braincells he has that aren't dedicated to debating are whirring in his mind

I can practically hear his thoughts

"he kissed me back... he wants to talk about the kiss... we went on two dates together at his suggestion... he showed up at my house and charmed my mother... he says I have secret admirers..." cmon sweetie youre so close

"WAIT, DOES HE LIKE ME?" omg honeybun you did it!

or maybe he didn't do it

maybe he was still shuffling the pieces in his brain but hadn't put them together and then his mum said something and distracted him

either way: that was hilarious and I want to high five dunk for his acting there

HIGH EXPECTATIONS, I KNEW IT

still love her tho

high expectations suck but she seems wonderful so far (obviously my opinion will change if the circumstances do (like if it turns out she completely sucks) but for now she's made it to the adoption list)

brb, gonna go cry real quick

well now their thumbs are making out

you see, I understand the things he's saying. and I honestly agree with him. if I were ever somehow put in his position, id probably say the same things.

HOWEVER, I just want my bl boys to kiss again and be happy and together and I appreciate the realism over the usual fantasy kinda situation we go for in bls, but I just want them to kissssss

this is very good advice

I hope that jokezo kiss again this episode

also AAAGBRDHFKBG JENGPOK CRUMBS

YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHO'S LOSING THEIR MIND OVER JENGPOK AGAIN

BERIUFDJKGBEORPVFD

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

SHUT UP

SHUT UP SHUT UP

IM NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING

FHEWSDGFVESDV

THIS IS TOO FUNNY

im gonna start crying soon

its so funny

help me

girl is worried

I know this is what jeng told you to do but is during debate club really the right moment

im so certain that she ships it

awwhhhhh

HE SAID IT

HE SAID THE THING

AAAAAAAAA

hell yeah

GOUERJLHDGOBIERVLDNF

AAAAAAAAAAA

IM SCREAMING

THATS IT??

THAT'S THE END OF THE EPISODE??

THEY DIDNT EVEN KISS

OR ADDRESS THE FACT THAT - and I can't stress this enough - THEY SLEPT IN THE SAME FREAKING BED AFTER FULL-ASS MAKING OUT

omg next episode is gonna be amazing

I can't wait

gekjrdsbfd I love them so much

im like 70% certain they're gonna kiss next episode so fingers crossed

ALSO NITA DEFINITELY SHIPS IT

anyway. that was good. I should go to sleep now

[v1ctor14aaa]

~ enha maknae line when u ignore them bcz they forgot ur bday ~

MASTERLIST | HYUNG LINE VER.

warning: way too long, cursing, mentions of abuse, mentions of trauma, attempted murder

genre: fluff, slight comedy

pairings: enha x y/n (fem reader)

featuring: chaewon (lesserafim), wonyoung (ive)

a/n: here we go, idk if u were waiting for this but eh🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️. im sorry if they are too long, lol i was enjoying sm. i recently just opened my asks so if u have reqs or wants to be added to my taglist hmu! english is not my first language so im sorry for the error if therew is one. lmk if i should stop making plots in these kind of posts lol. ALSO IM SO SORRY THIS WAS POSTED LATE, THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO POST A DAY AFTER THE HYUNG LINE BUT THEN I JUST SAW THIS IN MY DRAFTS...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

tomorrow is a special day for you, it's the day you have been anticipating the most. you couldn't sleep the whole night because of the excitement for this day to come, your birthday. you weren't excited because it was your birthday, you were excited of what your boyfriend is planning for your day. however, when a day has passed and it's finally the day, you didn't expect your boyfriend to forget it.

kim sunoo (김선우)

it was night and you were already ready to sleep but when you went in the bedroom, you see your boyfriend smiling ear-to-ear looking at his phone.

"did something good happen??" you tried to peak at his phone but he immediately closed it and hugged you.

"YES but i can't tell you yet baby, it's going to be a surprise!! i will tell it to you tomorrow morning once you wake up."

there we go, what you wanted to hear before your bday starts. you thought that everything seems to be going fine and you were pretty much just glad your boyfriend didn't forget your bday. hearing sunoo, you were unable to sleep due to excitement to what could happen tomorrow in your bday. you've been thinking and wondering what could it be as you change positions on the bed non-stop. sunoo was still smiling and seeing you not being able to sleep he playfully rolled his eyes at you (still smiling), he knew you were excited but if he's going to be that honest he wasn't actually expecting you to be that excited. he saw you excited a lot of times and you weren't really acting the same but he shrugged it off and slept.

----- time skip -----

you woke up at 4am, you thought it was still night time so you checked the clock and saw the time. you couldn't believe you woke up at that time, oh wait let me repeat: you did believe you would wake up at that time because you're so excited and you couldn't wait for sunoo to surprise you. you tried going back to sleep but you just couldn't take your mind off about the "surprise", you were so curious, you were literally moving non-stop in the bed to the point you woke sunoo up.

"y/n, i know you're excited but please let me sleep. it's so early in the morning." he whined.

"can't you just do the surprise right here, i wouldn't be able to go back to sleep." you pouted.

sunoo who is half-asleep still managed to see you pout in the dark, he could never resist it so he sat up and said...

"I GOT TICKETS!"

"TICKETS TO WHAT OR WHERE?"

"ITALY, we're in first class too. oh, our flight is actually in 4 hours."

"WAIT WHAT?!"

hearing those last sentence made you panic, you ran to the cabinets and drawings to get packing. this whole thing wasn't supposed to be a surprise, sunoo just wanted to see how you would be if something like this happen. he likes to tease you every time but when you do it to him, you will regret your whole life.

midway packing, you were thinking how can sunoo possibly afford 2 first class tickets to italy so you decided to ask him.

"love, how did you afford the tickets?"

"it's not mine's but the company's."

"company? why would the company give you money to get tickets for something like this?"

"well obviously it's for work. i will model for milan fashion week this year, and i begged my manager to get you a ticket as well. isn't that great?" he smiled.

"oh." you were in utter shock finding out that it wasn't for your birthday but for his work, you thought it was sweet for him to beg his manager to get you a ticket as well but you were somehow disappointed. as you continued packing, a lot of thoughts are swarming in your mind. and, those thoughts just kept making you feel down. sunoo noticed how your mood suddenly changed, he thought that maybe you weren't happy due to the fact that you both are going to italy. he tried to ask you what was wrong but you were so down that you couldn't bother to reply so you gave him the silent treatment. sunoo doesn't like it when you ignore him. he would usually try to argue about it but seeing you down made him think if he did something wrong or what made you suddenly change your mood.

----- time skip -----

you both arrived in italy, you had to go out in different time because you were still trying to keep the relationship private since you both doesn't want issues to happen with your career. actually, everyone already knows sunoo is dating someone but they don't know that it's you. anyway, you went out of the airplane first without telling sunoo and that made him worried. he was looking you everywhere in the airplane plus he was a bit mad because you ignored him the whole flight. knowing him, he had a lot to share but you just weren't interested. sunoo's manager told him to go and leave now, he asked the flight attendants if there was any passenger left but there was none. the manager insisted to just call you and ask your whereabouts. sunoo gave in, and since he's a popular model a lot of paparazzi and fans that are waiting for him. no matter how many people were there he only focused on looking for you but there was just too many people that they had to leave immediately.

back to you, you are already in the hotel. already lying down the bed, watching the tv seeing sunoo just went out. when you saw sunoo on the tv, you had to turn it off. you were waiting for him to mention your bday the whole time but your expectations just got turned down, i guess. a few minutes later, sunoo arrived in the hotel. he was calling you non-stop and it looked like he was about to die when he couldn't see you anywhere. the manager volunteered himself to carry the luggages to his room so that sunoo can look for you. sunoo actually ran to his room but didn't see you there which made his heart drop, he was about to cry at this point.

he was about to go down using the elevator but then you went out of a room and he sees you, he ran to you and tried hugging you of course, but you immediately shut the door. he actually jumped when you closed the door because it was so loud, now he's just standing in front of the room, confused. he knocked and knocked but no answer. you feel bad for ignoring him but you just can't seem to talk to him at all. he was even shouting out of your room but his manager stopped him.

"sunoo, don't shout. the people might find out you are here."

"i dont care, i want to be with my girlfriend and talk to her."

"you should go to your room, i think shes just tired and went to sleep. you will be modeling tomorrow morning so you need to rest too."

sunoo was still being stubborn and tried to wait for you to come out but his manager managed to get him inside his room already.

----- time skip -----

it's the day for sunoo's modeling! normally, people would get nervous and excited for something like this but for sunoo, he wasn't even feeling anything at all except being worried. he's been thinking about last night. you were also unresponsive in the morning 'till now, hes at the site and getting ready while you went out to explore some shops. you tried to forget the fact sunoo just forgot about your bday which is why you went out to try and celebrate late. to your surprise while you were walking down the street, there was a huge crowd. well, guess who you saw

it was sunoo. for a second there, you forgot that you are supposed to be disappointed and mad at him but you got distracted by his handsomeness. like how can you get mad at this boy but you pulled yourself together and kept walking straight ahead but your dear boyfriend did not fail to notice you and shouted "y/n!". you were extremely terrified at that moment, you knew there were a lot of paparazzi and fans around and he just called you that. you were worried that someone might hurt you and suddenly will follow you around to ask questions about sunoo. thank gosh you were fast enough to think of a solution which is... to ignore him. everyone looked at your way but they didn't notice that it was you that sunoo was calling.

at this point, he got irritated of you. he didn't care about his career, he ran all the way to you and held your hand. you were shocked and before you even say anything, you both were already running. he dragged you to somewhere private.

he looked at you with an angry look and said "love, please talk to me. i miss you so much, it already has been 1 day since you ignored me. i want to know if i did or said something wrong. it hurts me that you don't even want to talk to me, i hate it when you do this."

"i...." you were to stunned to speak, this was the first time sunoo raised his voice to you. the first time you guys weren't in good terms or was it just you being so over dramatic that lead to this. you started crying, your back slowly slid the wall and sat. sunoo's heart dropped, he didn't want to make you cry. he didn't know what to do so he just hugged you "baby, no. im sorry, i didn't want to make you cry." you stopped crying and then you found this situation funny, you started laughing. dude, when i tell you, sunoo was so confused. he literally froze and started asking if this was a prank or some shit because it isn't funny.

"no, honey. i just find myself funny for crying for something like this..."

"you. you finally talked to me." he hugged you again but tightly this time as if you were going to disappear sooner or later. "now, tell me. why have you been acting that way all these time?"

you went silent again so sunoo sat beside you and changed the topic because he didn't want you to keep ignoring him, he already got your attention and he didn't want to risk it. you both had small talks and laughed at each other's jokes then you finally decided to tell him, you hesitated at first because it was embarrassing to say right now.

"sunoo, i..... i'm sorry for what i did yesterday and today. i wanted you to remember what was yesterday's occasion which is my bday but it seems like you forgot about it but still i shouldn't have acted that way and could've just mentioned it sooner. i was being stubborn, aren't?" you laughed and hid you face because you were so embarrassed. your face got red while you were talking. sunoo rolled his eyes and laughed at you "well, i'm sorry too for forgetting your bday which i can't believe that i did. anyway, my manager is probably looking for me now. love, is it alright if we celebrate your bday somewhere romantic later? im sorry that you didn't get to celebrate yesterday."

"yeah, you should probably go now. bye." sunoo stood and gave his hand to you. "answer my question, love. can we celebrate your lovely bday later?"

"ok. yes. yes, love." he felt relieved and smiled, he kissed you goodbye before running back to the site while you sat again and giggled like you just talked to your crush for the first time. you were wondering, however if what could've happened if you ran away from him earlier. i can answer to that, he would've probably argued with you.

yang jungwon (양정원)

you were so excited for tomorrow because it's your bday and especially because it's also your bf's day off. you can have all his attention to yourself for today not until he received a call.

"yoi, i received a call, i have this client who just hired me. heeseung was supposed to take the case alone but there was some problems that it needed about 2 people to take the case. unfortunately, there were no lawyers available for tomorrow so i had to take the job and help him." jungwon looked sad and so were you. you understood the situation immediately though, he's the best at his job.

the next day, you woke up first. you decided to cook breakfast for the both of you and wake up jungwon. "wonieee, wake up! you will be late for your job." you were about to leave the room but then he suddenly held you hand and pulled you onto the bed. he hugged you tightly and said "i don't want to get out of bed and leave you all alone here, i want to be with you for the whole day. wait, what about you? don't you have work as well?"

"oh uh, i took the day off today because i thought you'd also have your day off." he pouted and hugged you tightly.

"baby, please you're suffocating me. now, go and get out of bed. you'll be late."

----- time skip -----

soon, you got bored staying at your house. weirdly, your phone has been silent. it's a monday so everyone is obviously busy but your bday hasn't sent a happy bday message to you. he also didn't mention it earlier in the morning which made you think if he forgot about your bday now. you shook your head and thought it would be nice to visit him at the courtroom where his case would be held. you went in your car and went there.

when you arrived, there were only a few people there. you thought you arrived late but you asked and said that it'll start in a few minutes. shortly after, people have been entering the court room one-by-one and the judges also sat on their seats. you were looking for your boyfriend everywhere but looks like he still haven't arrived, you were about to sit but you bumped with someone.

"oh, sorry."

"wait, y/n??? baby, what are you doing here?"

"oh, hi! i was just bored at home so i decided to visit you here." you kissed him. he was about to talk but then his co-worker (atty. heeseung) said that they should go at their place now.

minutes later, the discussion started. you were sitting there not listening to what everyone's saying and you were just looking at him, adoring him. you forgot how handsome your boyfriend is. anyway, you realized that you completely forgot that it was your bday and you didn't want to celebrate it by sitting and listening to someone's case. you went to the mall to go buy some clothes and you were still hoping when will jungwon greet you a happy bday. you were already getting tired so you went straight home, you didn't even care id your bday remembers or not. you were simply tired already and wanted to sleep, and so you did.

----- time skip -----

as you were sleeping soundly, you felt a light tap on your shoulder. you opened your eyes slowly and saw your sister.

"oh gosh, you scared me. how did you get inside?"

"i have a spare key, remember?"

"oh, then what are you doing here? did something bad happened to you?"

"well...." she was looking down and she suddenly hugged you. "i'm sorry for busting out here, late at night but i really need your help." she looked at you, looking like she wanted to cry. you were alarmed at what she said so you asked "what kind of help?".

"m-my boyfriend has been abusing me and i escaped from him today. i can't do this anymore, i'm scared." hearing this made you so angry and just wanted to beat him up right there and then.

"chaewon, you should've told me sooner, i didn't even know you had a boyfriend but by any chance, did he follow you here?".

"no, he did text me though."

"i made his name in my contacts that in purpose because i was keeping our relationship a secret. i'm sorry, i should've told sooner." reading the texts made you scared as well but you were mad at him for beating your sister.

"chae, go stay here and lock the door, ill try and talk to your fucking boyfriend and beat him up if things go south, if ever that happens ill ask jungwon to be your lawyer and sue him."

"sis, wait, no. h-he doesn't know what you look like and you also don't know what he looks like either. i should come but ill just hide and call the police if something happens. i-ill text him so that he'll just come to us."

----- time skip -----

you arrived at the place. you didn't expect that the place would be a fancy restaurant, you thought that he must be rich. anyway, you found it weird that at a situation like this he would invite your sister to something this fancy. wouldn't people see if he beats up your sister or he's just that dumb, you thought.

"stay there at the bush and tell him you're here and make him go outside. i'll wait for him here"

you sat at a bench while waiting for him, there was not much people outside so it's easier to know if the person is your sister's boyfriend. you saw someone coming from the main door standing st the front, looks like he is looking for someone.

"SIS! THAT'S HIM!" your sister whispered.

if i'm going to be honest, you were actually scared for your dear life and you were unsure of what to do but as her sister you'll need to defend her and talk to her bf. you walked closer at him and said "are you my sister's boyfriend?" he looked at you with a confused look but soon realized that you came instead of your sister.

"follow me inside." and you did while your sister was still at the bush hiding.

your heartbeat went faster and you were somehow shaking. you kept holding back from punching him and stayed calm. as you walked further, the light went off. oh dear, that's when you lost it. you were so scared of what might happen to you there and scared that this might be your last day. then the lights opened again.

"HAPPY BDAY!!" you were so shocked that you fainted.

hours later, you finally woke up and you were already home. you actually thought it was just a dream but then a door opened, it was jungwon. he was so relieved seeing you finally awake.

"love, don't scare me like that. i thought we went far. i'm so sorry, i should've surprised you in a different way."

"no, don't scare me like that. i fucking thought i would die there, i can't believe these was all your plan." you put your hand to your chest and tried feeling your heartbeat. "my heart is still beating fast right now, i feel like i might've got a heart attack at that point."

jungwon suddenly ran out of the room and went back holding a cake. "you didn't get to blow the candles earlier, happy bday my love!"

"i actually thought you already forgot about my bday, thank you for remembering BUT please no more surprises like this. if you do this again next time, i think i might actually die already."

"don't say that but yes, i won't surprise you like that anymore." he laughed then suddenly stopped, as you both talked he remembers how you acted in the certain situation which made him worry and get concerned for you.

"y/n... if something like this ever happens, don't act rashly and call me immediately. love, i don't want you to get hurt..."

"okay okay, i know love. i still can't believe you asked chaewon for this evil plans of yours."

"yoi wait, did you really think i forgot your bday? were you waiting for me to greet you?" he smirked.

you looked at him shyly and guilty. "uh, noO."

"you know what? ill take my day off tomorrow and let's celebrate your day properly but first let's eat the cake!!"

so you may be confused but.....

jungwon is really not the type to forget your bday, he could never

which is why the storyline here is different

even if he did forget, he would've still remembered hours later because he always think of you<33333

welp, jungwon's might be the only one who has the shortest..... he remembered your bday so...q

if you guys want more with lawyer jungwon just hmu !!

nishimura riki, ni-ki (니키)

you were talking to your boyfriend over the phone and you were reminded that it's your bday tomorrow so you somehow waited for him to mention about it over the phone but to your surprise he didn't. ni-ki is someone who gets more excited in an event than the person who is hosting it or the person who's the event made for so it was really odd of him to not say anything about it.

the next day, you woke up with a messy hair and a drool on your mouth. you checked your clock and saw that you're about to be late for school so you hurriedly went to the bathroom and went downstairs to get your shoes.

"sweetie, you made him wait for an hour now. ALSO GO EAT."

you ran to the door and said "nah, i'm good mom. i think ni-ki's going to get me something later."

you thought that ni-ki is sitting on the bench but when you opened the door running, you accidentally bumped onto him.

"oops, sorry."

"and you're the one telling me to sleep early."

actually, your school is just near your home so everyday you and your boyfriend just go on foot. you guys were having a small talk then you realized that he hasn't greeted you a 'happy birthday' at all.

"so....."

"so...?" he raised his eyebrow at you. "so what?"

"oh, nothing. so um, have you finished your assignment?"

"since when do i even do that?" you laughed at him, knowing that he'll probably fail in your exam day which is next week.

----- time skip -----

you both arrived at the gate of your school and as you went in, you both parted ways. you two have a lot of similarities but when it comes to education, you both can't even be compared. however, you and your boyfriend are pretty popular. you're the valedictorian and he's just the hot guy everyone knew about.

as you went in your classroom, you sat and wondered what surprise is ni-ki's hiding. usually, ni-ki is bad at surprising because his acting is just terrible that it immediately gives it out but seeing him today made you think that he's finally good at this. you were thinking of him so much while looking outside the window that you didn't notice your teacher already standing behind you.

"ehem, miss y/n. is there something would you like to share with the class? i suppose not."

your seatmate, also your best friend giggled at you. "y/n, i know it's your bday but what made you think it would be a good idea to zone out when the teacher's here or.... you're thinking of that gigantic emo man again? i told you we should've became together instead lol."

"normally, i would've bickered with you for saying that but since you're the first to greet me then-" wonyoung gasped loudly while the teacher looks at the both of you but the teacher let you both go for now since you are the top of the class.

"don't tell me you both literally came here in school at the same time without him greeting you?! i knew you shouldn't have dated that man. it should've been me instead, like im even taller than him." she whispered, actually nevermind the whispered part because literally everyone heard wonyoung that time.

"wish i could say the same but anyway, im pretty sure he's going to surprise me sooner or later. you know him, he can't handle surprises and he's probably so excited right now telling his friends about it."

meanwhile ni-ki......

"hey bro, a dumbass in another class just told me i suit pink. i would literally look like shit if i do anything with pink, i just hate it."

"i think it would suit you fine, don't know." heeseung chuckled.

"shall we fight and see?"

yeah they started play fighting inside the classroom, just imagine that one time where ni-ki and heeseung was play punching each other while hee was holding a dumbbell.

back to you, you decided to visit ni-ki's classroom and maybe sneak up on him to see what is he up to. you looked through the classroom's windows and you saw that ni-ki was just playing and doing some random stuff in the classroom. finally, you thought that ni-ki forgot about your bday. it all makes sense, from him not mentioning about it and he looked like his usual self (like not being excited, etc.) to him just being normal in the classroom. you went back to your classroom and didn't pay attention much to that, hate to admit this but you were upset that your own boyfriend forgot about your bday.

----- time skip -----

the school bell finally rang for break time, everyone started to go to the cafeteria and eat. you also went with wonyoung while you guys were walking in the hallway, wony noticed that you seemed a bit down.

"hey, are you okay? you look like someone just threw up on you. okay kidding aside, are you okay?"

"yeah, i just feel tired right now thinking about studying advance for the exam next week."

"it's break time now so let's eat and stop thinking about your grades for now."

you guys were already in the line to get food and you sat down. ni-ki was waiting for you since forever and when he found you, he sat beside you in the cafeteria. wonyoung was also sitting beside you, at the left side.

"baby, i missed you." he was about to kiss you but you immediately put the spoon in your mouth since you aren't really in the mood for his lovey dovey. wonyoung side eyed you because what and ni-ki on the other side was shook.

"should i go to another table? it looks like there's something the both of you need to talk about." then she whispered to you saying "oh, i can tell he still didn't greet you huh?.." she elbowed you about two times and headed to the other tables with your classmates.

"so... jake and the others plan to go to the haunted house after school. wanna come?" you didn't respond, you were still thinking hard whether if he actually forgot about it or what. it wasn't a really big deal to you so you still somehow replied to him with a low tone "sure." ni-ki thought it was weird that you talked like that, he never even heard you that way. you both are always loud, to be honest.

----- time skip -----

classes ended and it is finally time to go home but you remembered you had plans to go to the haunted house so you looked for ni-ki, you were walking down the hallway where your boyfriend and the others at. there was a crowd, there was a lot of people but not that much. you also noticed your best friend there, you were about to call her but ni-ki noticed you walking in the hallway so he ran to you.

"hey, angel. are you ready to go to the haunted house??? don't worry i won't scare you like last time hehehehe" he laughed.

you didn't really want to ignore him but you were busy thinking if he did forgot about it or no, you were to busy thinking that you didn't hear your boyfriend that started talking to you.

"hello? babe? my girl to earth! hello! huh?" he waved his hands up and down in front of you thinking you were zoning out but no, you were still busy thinking. although, you did notice him waving had hands in front of you but you didn't care.

as you reached the crowd, they were talking about going to some restaurant after the haunted house and also heeseung will be the one to drive. wonyoung saw you and she just had to say something about "it".

"y/n, are you really sure of going to the haunted house? i don't want to see you suffer there."

"i'm fine. i forgot about what happened years ago, i mean i still remember but i don't care about it anymore."

"did you tell ni-ki about it? oh, definitely not because if you did i'm sure he wouldn't invite you to go to a haunted house."

"yeah, i think i'll just make him worry but he probably doesn't care as well. look wony, i can manage myself." you knew that was a lie, going back to the haunted house is a bad idea. a lot of tragic events has happened you in there which means if you go back it will probably trigger you trauma again. as ni-ki mentioned, you guys actually went to the haunted house one time. you didn't want to go but your boyfriend was with you so you thought your trauma won't get triggered. as you went in the haunted house, memories has been flashing in your mind. you couldn't breathe properly, ni-ki knew something was off but your acting with him was just so good even though you were shaking a bit. the memories of you getting almost killed by your aunt and uncle inside the haunted house, make you think that they're still there, in every haunted house ready to try and kill you again.

----- time skip -----

all of you finally arrived at the haunted house, everyone was getting ready to go in except you. wonyoung was looking at you the whole time, worried. while ni-ki tried to make a conversation with you in the car but you were busy thinking, not because if he forgot about your bday or not but because of the haunted house. you don't know what might happen to you this time, back then, you managed to act naturally with ni-ki but this time there's a lot of people.

"y/n, okay i'll be serious. why have you been ignoring me? did i-" before he could finish talking jake and the others were calling everyone in the car to go in the haunted house now. you just saw the building but all the memories are already flashing in to your mind. you don't even know if you can go inside because you felt dizzy and scared. you still tried to act natural because you didn't want anyone to think you're crazy at that moment. as you went in, you got dizzier and images of your past is all you can see. you were scared to death and hoping someone can just save you and go somewhere else. wonyoung looked at you with a worried look and held your hand in. "y/n, are you sure you're okay? i don't want to see you get hurt..." your boyfriend heard what she said and approached the two of you.

"why? did something bad happened?? don't ignore me, y/n, please.."

you whispered to wony "yes, i'm fine." you let go of her hand and turned your back. you were not fine. you were shaking terribly and wanted to cry at that point. everyone proceeded to explore and of course, your boyfriend went with you instead of the others, it was just the two of you. you were still shaking and you couldn't handle it anymore, so when ni-ki was busy picking up something, you decided to walk away from him and went in the nearest room. when you went in, that's when it got worsen. the room looked exactly like where you were when your uncle were hurting you. you went to one of the corners and sat, breathing rapidly and covering your ears because you were somehow hearing your aunt's voice whispering to you words. you cried and cried and couldn't handle it anymore, you didn't know what to do but luckily you went to the nearest room and ni-ki just found you in time. he didn't know what to do but he just ran over to you and tried to see what was happening. he was talking to you but you didn't answer. he was panicking so hard that he just hugged you that time, you needed it. for a few minutes, you calmed down while closing your eyes. still hugging him. ni-ki is still worried as fuck and you weren't responding to him. he held your hand and said that you both should go outside now, he didn't care if he's going to leave the others behind.

----- time skip -----

you still didn't talk but ni-ki took you at his home because you begged that you didn't want to go home and there wasn't any safer places for you to be comfortable so he took you to his home. he gave you a glass of water and hugged you again.

"i don't know why that happened but you can tell me whenever you're ready. im sorry i didn't know you were going through something but please i want to talk to you at least."

your mother called, you were supposed to not pick it up because you weren't really in the mood to talk but you still did and you put her on speaker.

"sweetie, do you ever plan to go home to celebrate your bday or are you going to celebrate it with ni-ki." and when your boyfriend heard that he stood up and was like HUH. while you were talking with your mother, he was walking back-and-forth not being able to believe himself for forgetting your bday and you were also going through something that he didn't know. you hang up on you mother and he was asking questions on where do you wanna go, you told him to the movies or in a restaurant. he literally brought a bag like he was taking care of a baby but yes it was full of things that you might need in case you went crying again.

----- time skip -----

you finally told him on what happened earlier, he was feeling sorry for you and was mad at your aunt and uncle.

"i can't believe i didn't notice that that was happening to you and i even forgot about your bday. im really the worst boyfriend ever.." he pouted and hugged you again.

"maybe but you aren't really the worst, if you were you wouldn't care about me at all." he hugged you tightly and you just found comfortable and safe around him, in fact you were luck that he was there earlier of he weren't you don't know what might've happened to you in there.

oh yeah, lol you both technically forgot about everyone. they were calling the both of you but didn't answer but seeing the car disappeared, they were pretty sure you went somewhere.

MASTERLIST | HYUNG LINE VER.

please do not copy/translate this and post as your own.

[ TAGLIST: --- ]

[badaziraphaletakes]

Hi!! (Im so sorry if im annoying u guys, I just like this blog sm ok😭)

I just wanted to say that I have been relatively new to this fandom, since season 1 came out, and it was great! It felt like a space for asexual amd neurodivergent ppl, and I loved all the fanartists and theorists (still do) but after season 2, and I have a confession to make here, I too was on the "anti aziraphale" bus, properly boarded, seated and all. I know I didnt indicate that in the post I made, but I didnt self identify as one, I just "agreed" with what many of the crowd holding those setiments said. Why? My dear fellow, it was simply because of poor self esteem! I related alot to aziraphale, and so seeing those posts, where ppl talked abt traits( he and I share), like his love for his interests, his exaggerated movements, his anxieties, and seeing ppl dismiss them, or make fun of them, or call him "an emotional idiot" as that one lovely person said, well it felt like looking in a mirror, because those were the exact same things I said to myself! I told myself all those things, that I didnt deserve forgiveness from ppl I loved, when I made mistakes, I told myself that I should "tone down" my excitement for my interests, and the rest. I found myself mentally taking notes, and altering my behaviour, after reading those posts, bc hey, I hate myself for having those traits, and it looks like other ppl hate this one character for having those traits too, better "shape up" and "do better" yknow?

I stopped following thise blogs, but I still seeked the posts out. Why? Bc it felt "good". It felt like my negative self talk was being validated. It felt like I "finally" found posts that wouldnt "mince words" and be as mean, and rude as they possibly could be to him, because that was "what he, and anyone else like him deserved." (Im not saying that the ppl who made those posts said that, im saying that I made myself believe that I deserved that)

Maybe I shouldnt have internalized what the posts said. Maybe I shouldnt even care all that much abt a single character, I mean obviously the ppl who made those posts werent thinking about me were they? They werent targetting me, so why did I feel all that much. It didnt matter how much I rationalized it, at the end if the day I was making myself miserable, but it felt familiar, so I kept at it

I found this blog, and it felt.. so surreal. Like ppl were defending aziraphale? Ppl were giving him, grace? What? And then I read the analysis and responses that u guys gave, and realized that I also had biases, and I found myself giving more empathy to aziraphale, and then I found myself extending that same empathy to myself. I also started going to therapy also, and I realzied that no, I made mistakes, but I am human, forgivable, that my interests arent things to hide, but rather things that make me happy, and that I shouldnt be harsh to myself bc of that. It all progressed slowly, but I could feel myself becoming, happier. I didnt hide my excitement, I didnt tone down my "exaggerated" movements. I started treating aziraphale's character with love and lo and behold, I found myself loving myself too.

I have bad days, I still do. But they are lesser in number now. Whats the point of this long ass ask? Well, I want u to know that u guys are essentially teaching ppl to be more empathetic towards others and sometimes towards themselves, by being being empathetic towards aziraphale. U are telling people like me, indirectly ofc, to love who we are, and to give ourselves grace. And that while aziraphale (and ppl like him) maybe flawed, that shouldnt warrant hate, but rather understanding. U guys are wonderful, and I promise u, u guys are helping❤️

Im sorry to whoever that person was that left, im sorry that they were harassed as I am sure, those werent ur intentions. But what I am trying to say is that u are not making this fandom more toxic. U are helping people. U guys are a breath of relief in the fandom. Pls remember that.

(Sorry if this is too long to read, or too emotional, ive been in a bit of a mood I suppose, and being vulnerable like this is terrifying but agsjsgkahsbs what can one do, have a great day!🤗)

My dear, I'm so humbled to read this. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. As an autistic person, watching Aziraphale ever since 2019 has helped me unmask a lot, so I totally understand how the bad criticism towards him may have pushed you into masking yourself. It does hurt 🫂

I'm so happy that we've helped you on your journey and that we even helped you seek therapy (everyone should and every time a friend tells me I helped them get there I feel like I won in life). This is what we aim for here in this space, this is what makes it all worth it.

Thank you for the reassurance, it is very much needed sometimes. We want to fight toxicity, not contribute to it, and feedback like yours is very much needed to know we're on the right path. We hope to bring comfort for those who are feeling harmed by the situation.

And of course thank you SO MUCH for sharing your feelings with us, this is the juice we need to keep going 🩶

And finally: remember that you are and will always be good enough and that you deserve better. And no matter what, be yourself! Good luck and we're glad to have you on our train 🥰

[makigorogoro]

disorganized thoughts on fionna and cake eps 5 and 6

(Spoilers!!)

ok ive only seen the eps once each and im going off of memory so a lot of this is probably gonna be paraphrased and mixed up but whatever . also this post is really fucking long lol sorry

-OK FIRST OFF THESE WERE SO GOOD RAAAAAH

-obviously we are in the farmworld, not surprised but very happy!!!

-also not very surprised fionna and cake immediately went along with simon’s plan

-the whole time they were talking about where to find a crown i was like lol. simon don’t look behind you

-cake bringing fionna a dead rat was really funny

-the versucci gag or whatever was also really good

-but what made me die was fionna talking abt how she’s played a lot of post apocalyptic rpgs and then it pans over to “man who has actually lived through the apocalypse”

-was really cool to see how the farmworld has developed after what happened with ice finn, i think it’s interesting how they’re more technologically advanced since the first time an ice age happened in this world they pretty much reverted to medieval times (does that make sense. you know what i mean)

-i was SO convinced jay was farmworld finn’s little sibling so when he said dad my heart stopped

-the name jay didn’t immediately click until bonnie was revealed to be one of his other kid’s name and i was like HOLY SHIT PUHOY???

-veeeery interesting since assumingely golb destroyed/erased the pillow world

-i guess you could just chalk it up to finn would have named his kids the same thing in any universe?

-but i mean speaking of his kids GOD he got busy with huntress wizard

-i mean it has to be huntress wizard. one of them looks just like human hunter wizard

-sucks that she died though

-simon’s ship of theseus thing was so fucking funny oh my god he’s just like me fr (i started talking about the ship of theseus in one of my assignments a few days ago and i was like. is this too nerdy.)

-i haven’t really talked about farmworld finn yet. a little sad he turned out so cold (pun not intended oops 😭) because of what happened to him when he was younger

-good on him for saying simon was a damn fool or whatever for wanting to put the crown on lol

-i wish they actually had a talk though

-cake saying fionna should kiss him while knowing he’s just an alternate version of her??????? girl

-also farmworld jake still being alive was crazy

-so it did turn out the crown was destroyed in this world, i honestly wasn’t sure since the crown from the main world survived direct contact with a comet lol

-the romeo and juliet style romance going on between finn’s kid and big destiny’s kid was really good

-finn showing up with bartram lmao!!!!!

-dude i love bartram, the bit in finn the human where finn’s mom says that they have to sell the mule and then bartram’s head peaks out from the bed in the corner is unironically one of my favorite jokes in adventure time

-i kinda forgot what happens between here and the end

-so did farmworld finn fucking die????

-idk what happened there i sure hope not

-i really don’t know if we’re going to revisit these worlds in any capacity considering the amount of time left but i hope we do now!! i feel like we need to see what happens lmao

-now for ep 6

-wasn’t really expecting it to open on “fionna world” as they started calling it

-i was wondering how they were gonna balance gumball and marshall yaoi with what’s going on with the main trio

-they did it really well though i think

-i also wasn’t really expecting to be introduced to winter king right away once we got back to the main plot

-he definitely gave me weird vibes right from the start im gonna be honest lol

-blaah i don’t really remember what happens between that and the winter wonder world sequence

-so ill just talk about that. holy fuck

-every review i read before the show came out was really hyping this scene up and i get why now

-was really cool to see the beyond the grotto animation again and the song was so good it’s still stuck in my head

-but the moment the winter king said he overcame the crown with sheer will i was like. um. im calling bs

-i was just thinking however it did happen though i have a bad feeling about! felt really bad for simon and when he said that he sucked i was like. oh no ☹️ dude

-the moment i saw little ice marcy pretty much cemented it for me i was like oh no something fucked up is happening here. tbh i still can’t really figure out what happened with that but given what the winter king said about making an ice betty. uhhhhhhhhhh

-OH YEAH cake once again saying simon and the winter king should kiss . GIRL WHAT ARE YOU ON

-i looooved crazy pb

-i remember when people were saying she was a marcy pb child lmao.

-simon saying that he wanted to “fix her” while the winter king just wanted to kill her was really interesting. im trying to figure out what it means lol. like we know that simon wants to be the ice king again but also now knowing he would want to fix and save someone from that madness…idk

-her song was really good

-her playing those ominous notes on her keyboard made me laugh

-i haven’t really talked about gumball (im not calling him gary im sorry) and marshall. i thought they were really cute!!! could definitely see marcy and pb meeting in a similar way

-the juxtaposition between gumball talking about his creations to fionna fighting the fucked up versions of them was really cool

-i hope gumball doesn’t take what the lemoncarbs said to heart . they’re just like that

-ok so. I was honestly more shocked that fionna kissed (a version of) simon than him disintegrating seconds after lmaooooo

-i have to wonder why he immediately died here when in betty (the episode) he was dying relatively slowly without the crown’s magic

-ive been writing down a bunch of crack theories and the first thing ive gotten right was the winter king transferring his craziness to pb lol lets goooo

-i was thinking that simon might’ve transferred it himself but then i was like nooo he wouldn’t do that….apparently he would do that

-idk despite how he seemed i think the winter king was still a little insane in the membrane.

-maybe the crown was still influencing him in some way? and that’s the message here? idk

-i can’t believe bi fionna is real

-back to gumball and marshall. gumball describing slumber party panic……oh my jod 🥺🥺🥺

-the baby world was so cute

-“and i’ll be cursed the right way” simon do you fucking hear yourself

Ok that’s definitely not all i have to say but this post is long enough lmao ,, god this show is SO GOOD i can’t believe it’s real. ok that’s all

[khodorkovskaya]

After I split with my ex, it took me a while to get my head around it, like justifying to myself that I wasnt in the wrong etc andthat the way he was treating me was wrong and I shouldn't feel guilty about breaking it off etc.... I ended up trying to do like a 3rd point of view perspective thing... so like, I would explain everything that happened and how I felt and then try to see it from another point of view so like this other point of view would go. . "So you didnt reply to his message within an hour because you were literally in a college class which he knew beforehand, and he took the huff and wouldnt speak to you for over day as punishment?? You shouldn't not feel bad about ending it" obvs I had more extreme examples too lol but I dony wanna delve into them much it's like baggage ahaha

But afterwards, like when i was over him and had no feelings towards him etc, i thought i was fine and then discovered i wasnt... so like i could meet someone and really like them and find them attractive etc, and their personality and vibe really well and when I started to fancy this guy I was like omg yes thisnis nice and he acc seems a lot nicer than my ex woop woop. But then as soon I started to think about being in an actual romantic relationship with him I couldnt, I felt physically sick and anxious??? I literally couldn't face the idea of a relationship being like my previous one and I realised that while I was over him, I had some other issues as a result of the relationship I had to deal with instead.

I did get over it though

I've actually forgotten the point I was making with this message now so I do apologise for that sorry

But I thought he hadnt cared too, like he would delete every single pic of us literally within an hour of us breaking up.... he blocked me, and things he didnt block me on, he would post stuff like "good riddance" and stuff that basically made out he didnt care and it was all me etc and that I meant nothing to him....... he would add all these girls and shared their photos with hearts etc....

Anyway like a few months later he literally tried to get in touch saying he was sorry and he missed me and thought about me everyday etc and couldnt get over me

I ignored him though and that was that

I guess this is just a bit of a sharing story, I hope it helps in some way????? Sorry if it doesnt though.......

yeah, the looking at what happened from an outsider's perspective is a really good method. makes things a lot clearer and easier to see. and yeah thanks for sharing your story, it makes me feel less alone <3

but yeah, im definitely scared of falling in love again. but i really hope that the next time it happens, im gonna be more mature and sensible and things will be clearer for me. i mean obviously that's gonna be the case cos i fell in love with B when i was 17 and even now things would be different. but the thought of being in a relationship any time soon makes me very anxious. i think my next serious relationship is gonna be in like 5 years from now. for now the vibe is celibacy all the way!

i wonder how i would feel if B reached out to me again. bc i know it's very stupid of me, but it makes me sad that he didn't try to get me back, you know? like he didn't fight for me. he tried a little bit and maybe i have high expectations, but it didn't feel like it was enough. a deep dark side of me wishes he suffered more. and don't get me wrong, he did suffer. i left him without a warning and i still feel terribly guilty about that. the night i left he stood outside my parents' balcony and shouted my name and thinking about that makes my skin crawl. i feel awful. but at the same time something about that was so satisfying bc it felt like he had finally acknowledged me and my feelings.

but idk. maybe im spiteful and vengeful. and sadistic. but i fantasise about him begging me on his knees to take him back and crying and sleeping by my front door and following me around like a puppy dog asking for forgiveness. the last time we saw each other and had sex i strangled him, wishing i could actually choke him to death. i wanted to see despair in his eyes and absolute submission to me. like finally, after all the suffering i had endured, finally i could have full control over him and make him mine. you know?

but he never fought for me. and from a sensible perspective, that's good. he accepted my rejection and left me alone. and that kind of things requires great discipline, so good for him i guess. im thankful for that. but from like a twisted toxic perspective, i wish he'd message me saying that he misses me.

[unholyxvoid]

that’s sweet of you to say! i’m just some guy at the end of the day though, i’m not going anything special. but i am glad it means something to you. <3

that’s makes sense! for us having pdid, it’s funny that we have 100+ headmates. we have some who are on the nonverbal spectrum, but none who don’t use words at all. i think it would be really frustrating for us, because i, maw, get super frustrated when i go nonverbal from overstimulation and such. i think it’s best we don’t have nonverbal headmates, but i also can’t control it if we ever do. also funny story that when i was in the questioning phase of if we had vessel or not, that i thought bite would be nonverbal? it’s really funny it turned to be the opposite lol. brain really said switcheroo.

i wish you luck with the new headmate though, it’s stressful to find out about new additions. let me know if you need help or anything. i turned on post notifications for you guys if that isn’t weird? i just thought it was better than to keep checking for answered asks, you know? so i’ll see if you post anything about me or something.

yeah, me too! would be fun and a nice bonding experience. i don’t know if i actually know anyone with pdid. i think my ex had pdid but we obviously don’t talk anymore as they are my ex, and even then i was new to discovering our system compared to now. therefore i didn’t really think too much of us possibly having the same back then.

i think the whole darkness thing makes sense for us overall as a collective. because our headspace is exactly as you’ve described yours. it’s just a black fuckin void of nothingness that is shaped but you can’t tell it’s shaped since it’s just pitch black. if this makes sense! we’ve always had a complicated way of trying to get it across. i think black hole makes sense for me though with bpd, like feeling like i’m just a thing like that. i dunno! weird stuff. it’s also funny to me for us that the further i figure out stuff about myself as the main fronter, that our system is very leaning towards aroace and nonhuman. we’ve had an influx of nonhuman headmates recently since i’ve realized i’m more nonhuman than i thought before. it’s been a weird one!

and, too, i would like to figure out more ways that i am nonhuman but i have no idea how to go about that as just a whole of itself. i can describe one way i’ve figured out something for me if that’s of any interest to you.

that’s okay! we also do that, it was just an offer that you can take at any time, and an open invitation to do so, you know? just an established thing! no worries about it at all if you never think of anything. promise.

that’s also okay!!! don’t apologize for things like that, i get it. we’ve been really dissociated for the past few days, so i understand. i hope it gets better soon.

-maw 🪽

just some guy in my asks giving me supply by sending me asks to be fair so like . keep em coming yk lmao /nf

damn post notifications on for us ? youre making me blush /hj do what you gotta man stalk me if you must , trust me i will not complain , youre feeding me well

we dont personally know anyone with pdid i think (im very sorry if we do and just forgor) but our mates have did and theyre actually the first system we ever had contact with , so a lot of what we know and stuff comes from them , but again they have did not pdid so while theyre still very helpful its not like we can really compare our experiences too much

i honestly dont know how many there are . there could be way more than im aware of but i can only really count what i know so i say theres only a few since i only know of a few . the nonverbal thing gets somewhat frustrating for me too especially since i want to talk to iv , but thats honestly less of a problem than him not being around is bc sometimes he just . is gone for a while . and im left wondering if he ever even existed :/

well if you do realize part of darkness then hello me spawn good to know youre one of mine :) and i agree its sometimes a little difficult to explain exactly how we work as well especially with the void being my core being and everything else stemming from that , weve tried making posts about it but i feel like none of them are 100% exactly what id like to convey . and id definitely like to know more about how youve figured things out

[sillyxaly]

Its one of those days where I share my views with the world and then go die from crippling anxiety.

The whole: "If you cant take kids being kids in public spaces dont go there." take

I agree. A lot of posts stating that sentiment I have reblogged because I agree with the sentiment. If you cant handle loud kids dont go visit a kids playground just to complain about the kids present.

But as someone who really "cant handle kids being kids" ive always felt the statement off somehow to me. I dont go to places where loads of children are to be expected aside from the schoolgrounds I need to cross every once and again to get to the train station. I avoid them because I do sincerely not have the capability to handle a bunch of kids being loud and I recognize that being loud is just a huge chunk of being a young and small individual.

However, I cant always avoid kids. I too need to go groccery shopping and so do parents and sometimes they bring their kids along for a multitude of possible reasons and sometimes for a multitude of other possible reasons the kid starts screaming or crying or having a tantrum. As a person who "cant handle kids being kids" I cant avoid them entirely. Believe me, if I could I would. Kids overwhelm me to the extreme and its no fun, I can barely handle my own two year old brother when I visit my family sometimes and there have been moments where I just had a breakdown because of him. Just because I cant deal with loud noises or overlapping noises very well, I cant deal with sudden movements well either, I have my very specific icks about what, who and where I am touched. All these things are things kids just do (aside from the touching thats specific for my brother because he doesnt understand it yet but we teach him and hes doing great) and those things get to me really quickly.

And frankly even for situations where it is "my choice" like being on a public train to get to meet my family and friends and a child also being there the notion of "just stay home" just bugs me somehow. Because sure. I could totally stay home and if I did I would have seen my fiance once since I moved out and my mother zero times. Simply because they dont have the resoucses or time to visit me but I can visit them. I hope people can understand why thats a thing id dislike. I want to see them even if its taxing to take on a six hour train ride and even if theres loud people some of which may be kids (but honestly most of them arent but thats a long tangion)

And to top it all off, while on the Toilette in my own home today I heard a child screaming too. I want everyone reading this to have the context that I live on the second floor of an old building with an extremly high ceiling. My own at least 3m if not 4m high. So ive been at least 6-8m (not counting the fact the kid wasnt screaming upwards from right underneath my window) away from the child in height and still heard it loud and clear while being in my own home.

Point is.

You cant avoid kids and I dont think making struggling with some things kids are prone to do out to be the trait of a bad person is a good thing to do.

Ive just been wondering if instead of telling people to "just stay home" to avoid the volume of kids being kids we could find ways to deal with that instead so that neither an adult has to limit themselves nor a kid has to be banned from certain places. Because obviously parents are allowed to take their child into the groccery store with them. I dont want to ban them from doing that. Id just like to figure out how to deal with the screaming child in line behind me if I also happen to be in the groccery store. Because my current tactic is "try not to cry and run for it as soon as you can" and thats just intensly taxing.

So yeah

Those are my thoughts of the day im gonna make myself a cool chocolate now.

[bbina]

cant believe btl ended. gasped gagged silenced jaw dropped. i feel so empty now that we will get no more yn eunseok bicker, ynbin, anton sassy moment or js the whole backstreet boys chaos like..... whats the purpose of life.......💔💔

well anw this proves how much youre such a GOOD GREAT GLORIOUS WRITER BBINA bc oml i dont think i can move on from this ever..... will reread it in a couple of months.... or weeks.... or days....😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔

also icb eunseok got himself a GIRL LIKE WHATATWYGDGEGEHEHEHDHEHDBDBFFB like its been a yr obviously we couldve seen it coming but i thought jinsu (yes him even though he broken up w his exgf like 1yr plus plus ago) or taro wouldve gotten themselves a gf first after ynbin got official🤭🤭

thank u for creating and writing such an amazing, wonderful, glorious, enchanting, perfect, cutest wonbin smau bbina like btl will forever be carved in my heart as the best binnie's smau frfr 🤞🏻🤞🏻 (also the wonbins text when he inserted the "read between the line" gagged me ngl like that ate sm)

-⛄

still hasn't sinked in tbh.... like wow... its all over now... the story is all wrapped up.... ITS OVER.... no more backstreet boys, no more the ballad of songs and sungchan... no more my baby..... no more w ♥ no more btl....

the rereadability of btl needs to be studied like tell my why i'm still stuck at drunken words until now.. like mf its been WEEKS since i posted it but yet im still at the restaurant 💔 i really outdid myself and i can say that bc i reread ALL of my shit from all blogs i had in the past 😫

EUNSEOK GOT A GF CHAPTER 🔜 ⁉️ jinsu got his heart broke and never tried ever again 😭 hopefully his new smau can heal him ❤️‍🩹 TEEHEE

thank you sosososososoos much for always tuning in and sharing your thoughts !!! it rlly makes me smile when i see people come through and share what they feel about each chapter i posted! that was my motivation lowkey... loved LOVEDD LOOOVEEDD hearing everyone's thoughts because i like how it all varies depending on the person.. and how yall started a little therapy session with me as the therapist for everyone's situationships like okay i did NOT expect that 😭

gagged y'all with the "read between the lines" shit from wonbin huh... the story really did come in a full circle and the fact wonbin mentioned the title of the own fic he's starring at... GAGGED YALL SO HARD .. jk i gagged myself ... lets all pat ourselves on our backs for a job well done!! i could've done this without you guys so again, even if i sound like a broken record.. THANK YOU 🫵

[mx-matched-knickknacks]

HERE WE GO [Under the Read More cause I already know it's gonna be loong LMAO]

Bfbfvegege maybe I am praising him too much in this and yeah maybe someday I'll go back to this post and cringe, but hell, lifes short and the internet is forever, right? I don't really go on Autism rants about my interests often, so if your looking for trouble simply keep scrolling thank you very muchh 💚💚 (and im sorry if anything written comes off as rude, that is not my intention i promise)

Well... here we are. I think it's fitting that now, at the end of this era, I write one big love letter to Joost and this fanbase hahaha XD

As many of us approach knowing of Joost for HALF A YEAR (holy shit, already?!) and we finally get the answer that he's not going back to ESC next year, I can't help but be nostalgic :•}

Obviously getting really into this Dutch artist was not expect haha, but ohh what a ride it's been so far. And because of TikTok of all things XD As an American fan, finding him was purely by chance, but I'm ever so grateful I did. Ive spent so much of my freetime watching the live Europapa performence over and over and over again, folding and cutting and glueing those cute little paper dolls of him, scrolling endlessly on TT for every little bit of love shown, watching every interview and live performance hes done (and all the concerts he played at!!!)... and also spending maybe a little bit too much money shipping Chrome Magazine over to the US lol ^^; This probably wont sound like much to you, but this one man somehow managed to disrupt my ongoing 4 year streak of a different special interest! How about that!!!

Now... ive seen both wonderful and absolutely terrifying things from this fanbase, if im gonna be totally honest... ^^; but overall id say my experience has been pretty good! Obviously I have not interacted with ppl within this space much (as often happens with my interests sadly) but yall who do act right are pretty damn cool and extremely talented !!!!! (And huuge shoutout to those who work hard to translate from Dutch to English too, like JoostSubs on twt!!!!) ^^ This kind of creativity is what Joost wants to inspire!! Remember that!!! And I do want to take more steps into being more active in the fanbase in the future <3

Now about Joost himself...

I don't think I've ever know of anyone who's star shines as bright as his. Through time and turmoil he remains steadfast and ever so kind to those around him (almost to a fault). With his friends; Stuntje, Apson, Lyon, Tantu, Donnie, Alanis (and all the rest of em!) He's shown incredible amounts of love and care for :'•) Even after becoming such a big name worldwide, he still remained in a state where he can still do what he loves with the ones he cherishes most and that's just so damn wonderful to me 💙💙💙 His pure unadulterated silliness, his infectious joy and positivity, and how he unabashingly is himself no matter where he goes are qualities i really do look up to in him. Just the most wonderful guy I've ever seen whos sooo full of whismy...

Though I can't relate personally to the meanings behind most of his songs, I don't think that prohibits me from still appreciating just how much heart and soul he puts into them. And seeing all the people who have been helped and felt heard bc of his music... it just makes me very happy, yknow? Is that so cringe to feel?

I don't wanna talk as much about his disqualification and that interview he did earlier today (for not focusing too much on the negative), but I do firmly believe that he was treated extremely unfairly just in general by... certain groups (you know the ones). I will say that I am very glad Tantu called them out tho 😁😁. The decision of not going to ESC 2025 being last minute did sort of surprise me tbh. Maybe one day he'll release the song he made for next years ESC, but it did seem to cause all of them a lot of ultimately unneeded stress... so I wouldn't be surprised if that's something released in the far future. I really do hope that Joost and his friends can spend good time healing from everything that has happened since May, whatever way they find suitable.

I don't think I'll be leaving this fanbase anytime soon (or will be able to LOL), but as we reach sunset of this "Europapa" Era, I want to say:

Gabberland Era here we come!!!

Love Always Wins #LAW

Unity forever and ever 💙💙💙

#JoostKlein2025

Be normal, be healthy

No matter where this future takes us, I'll be forever grateful to have Joost in my life 💚💚💚💚💚

Ty for reading my silly rant :'•} mwah mwah

Lord help me I'm about to type up all my thoughts about Joost after that interview 🙏🙏 /lh

[myunghology]

hi jian,i hope you're doing well these days♡´･ᴗ･`♡!i've seen your post reharding about your inbox being opened,so i'll give it a try!can i request a scaramouche/wanderer and albedo hc with their s/o,g/n reader,who turned into a cat and how would they react?👀iyw to add more,you can add some domestic stuff.Its okay of this request is too much,you can ignore it!

ʚ scaramouche and albedo with an s/o who turned into a cat, + domestic headcanons ɞ

— ✦ gender neutral reader, headcanons, pure fluff! [ a/n : I think I'm in my Sabrina carpenter phase ]

ʚ SCARAMOUCHE ɞ

didn't realize it was you when he visited. tried calling you and said "what's this cat doing here?" but then you don't reply. are you not there? he looks around the living room and sits beside you and pets you.

but in his pov, he was wondering why you weren't there. so he tries asking the cat (he's a lil silly okay) and then you try to convince him that the cat is you. obviously doesn't believe you

and then, you finally convinced him.

he's mad. but not that mad. who would do this to you? or did you do it yourself?

you totally did it yourself.

"are you stupid" - scaramouche

asks if you can turn back into a human. "meow meow meow raaaaaaaaa hiss hiss" translation = "IF I COULD I'D BE A HUMAN RIGHT NOW"

"dang okay"

tries buying cat toys to tease you. and you just sit there with a :// sick and tired of his bs.

bought more like stole something to make you turn back into a human. but of course, things don't always go that well.

you basically turn into a cat for the rest of your life, but you can turn back into a human anytime. and to be honest? it's not bad.

you have sat on this man's lap multiple times, human or not, he finds it comforting

STAWWPPP im literally thinking of scaramouche with a s/o who turns into a cat when they're flustered

you definitely sit on his shoulder when he's working in your cat form

ONLY. LET'S YOU EAT IN YOUR HUMAN FORM. HE ISN'T FEEDING YOU CAT FOOD.

I'm gonna tell you. Living with him is a nightmare. No it's not those type of aesthetic couples let's be fr... You two literally have fights every hour. Playfully of course

"scara what do you use for your eyeshadow?"

"my aunts ashes"

"scara smile for me"

*smiles*

"ugly"

"fuck you"

MALE WIFE SCARA OMG

definitely knows how to cook.

also, definitely late night walks / dates.

buying lots of random shit in 7/11 is considered a date. to him at least. or mall dates!

SOMETHING LIKE THIS

+ taking baths together... not sexually omg

washing each other's backs and hair :), you accidentally got soap in his eyes and he hissed so badly HAHAHAH

"OH SHIT SORRY"

"(#(#(#(! #? @) @? @?? #(#() 1#(#("

oh btw he definitely does skincare. forces you to do it with him.

random goofy ass selfies in the mirror wearing face masks with scara >>>>

ʚ ALBEDO ɞ

he was definitely the one who turned you into a cat let's be honest

he. he doesn't really have that much of a reaction.

but he tortures you 'trying' to find a cure and says 'it's hard' BUT IT ISN'T. HE JUST LIKES TEASING YOU AND LIKES SEEING YOU AS A CAT

doesn't turn you back until he's satisfied. sorry.

you knock down some of his materials to annoy him LMAO, acts like he doesn't care but inside he's like "dyk how much I spent on that"

your paws on top of his hair gripping on to it forcing him to turn you back into a human.

eventually, he did.

but he was missing one material,, and apparently you can't get it anymore.

insert incoherent cat noises

and finally, you did turn back.

you'll still turn into a cat from time to time though.

he sends you to places when you're in your cat form because he thinks it's probably faster to get materials that way.

i don't think he's wrong though..

living with albedo... eh..

he's rarely home. most of the time he's in the lab— that's acceptable.

and half of the time he's taking care of klee.

but he all makes up for it, he can't leave you hanging just like that of course.

it's good that he gets home early, you two spend the rest of the day painting together, or either just doing random things together. also— when klee is there, is definitely more fun.

baking with them, coloring, playing hide and seek, making random potions!

“albedo do you know how to make slime” — klee

you three tried making slime. it got stuck on klees hair LMAO

eventually got it out after an hour.

swore to never make slime again.

klee sees you as a sister figure, and that makes albedo really happy :)

she keeps clinging on to you, while albedo just stares in awe at you two smiling and tilting his head slightly.

at the end of the day, you three all take a rest together on the couch looking like a cute little family. actually people have actually mistaken you guys for a famil-

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