#and to see different kinds of love explored

[penn-dragon]

You’ve activated my trap card: infodumping my thoughts about Sanji’s fucked up relationship with vulnerability and intimacy.

I remember reading something once that talked about how many men struggle with discerning the difference between the desire for intimacy and the desire for sexual satisfaction because the two are so often considered synonymous for men in society. One person talked about how her partner thought he had ED issues until they started exploring different ways to fulfill his emotional needs and he learned the difference between being horny and wanting emotional closeness. That’s always kind of stuck with me, the way men are expected to fulfill all of their emotional needs through sex with romantic partners, because wanting non-sexual intimacy is something seen as “girly” or “weak.” And I’ve thought about it a lot in regards to Sanji and his relationship to masculinity and vulnerability.

Sanji has a very hard time expressing his kind and vulnerable side because of the abuse he suffered as a kid. After he ran away from Germa, he learned to act like a tough little asshole as a defense mechanism, because there was no one to protect him anymore. Even after Zeff took him in as someone who genuinely loves him, Zeff basically acts the same way, being rough and tumble ex-pirate who communicates his love to Sanji in more subtle ways. So being raised by him pretty much reinforced that switch in his personality to only showing his kindness in ways that are considered acceptable for a man (cooking, flirting with women, ect.)

Sanji is most comfortable putting on a tough guy persona and acting like an asshole, even if his actions directly contradict it (e.g. saying he only saves women only to risk his life throwing Usopp out of danger three seconds later). Which is something a lot of people in One Piece do, but Sanji takes it to another level, because even now he has his family’s voices in the back of his head telling him he’s weak, a failure, subhuman. Rather than just a front to act tough, I think Sanji genuinely feels unsafe showing the parts of himself he was told make him weak. He trusts his friends with his life, but childhood trauma dies hard and the traumatized child inside him still thinks showing kindness and vulnerability leads to pain, and as such he still struggles to be truly emotionally vulnerable with people, ESPECIALLY other men, who he sees as the bigger threat.

However, fearing your emotional needs doesn’t make them go away. Sanji LOVES people. Despite his incurable asshole disease, he’s extremely personable. He has a big bleeding heart and cares so deeply for the people around him. He craves connection, and I think that goes doubly so for a romantic relationship, because Sanji loves so intensely. I think in a relationship with Zoro they would have a hard time getting into sync at first. Falling in love with Zoro came out of LEFT FIELD for Sanji, it was in NO WAY something he was prepared for and is nothing like he ever imagined, therefore it’s completely uncharted territory. They suck at communicating because Zoro doesn't always realize things need to be said out loud and Sanji’s afraid to ask. He’s especially not comfortable with the idea of wanting intimacy from Zoro. Despite the inherent trust and respect they have for each other, their relationship has always been volatile, electric, violent. There’s no room for softness. Men aren’t supposed to want tenderness from other men. He’s not supposed to want closeness from Zoro. That’s not how they are, that’s not what he pretends he is.

Sex on the other hand, sex is safe. Men are supposed to want sex—expected to—and while sex and emotional intimacy often go hand in hand it’s not scoffed at the way non-sexual intimacy is. He’s able to fulfill some of the desire for closeness through sex without completely opening himself up to vulnerability. But wanting sex and wanting intimacy aren’t the same thing, and Sanji’s not actually allowing himself what he needs. Enter Zoro figuring out what Sanji’s doing after he reaches a breaking point (starts sobbing half-way through sex which PANICS THE HELL out of Zoro) and being like “yeah I’m not letting him do that anymore” and starts opening up the option for different kinds of intimacy in their relationship in a way that doesn’t make Sanji feel exposed or demeaned.

I have a headcanon that Sanji struggles with wanting/asking for non-sexual intimacy from Zoro. So if he's having a rough day or just wants to be held by the man he loves he'll initiate sex in order to feel that connection, regardless of whether he's actually in the mood. But Zoro's gotten unnervingly good at telling when he's doing this and redirecting to give him what he actually needs in that moment.

[fishnapple]

What new skill should you learn

This is a general reading meant for multiple people. Take only what resonates and leave out the rest.

Your feedback is much appreciated. If you find the reading resonated with you, leave a comment, I’d love to know 🎐

About me | Masterpost Book a reading with me - KO-FI (→ personal reading)

CARNELIAN

The most prominent one that I get is public speaking skills. Your usual way of speaking might not get you enough attention when you are in front of a crowd or talking to a large audience, even online one. May be your voice is too soft or sounds quite young or bubbly, or you don't like to share too much about yourself, your opinions. It can make you seem more approachable, but in situations that you need to assert yourself, to be taken seriously, then it can become a disadvantage. And when you are in those situations, you might over compensate by being defensive or rigid, trying to assert yourself more than necessary.

You need to develop a firmer tone, and the words you say, your body language should also convey a sense of authority. But it's not a battle for power and domination, you just need to make yourself more visible, to make your energy more solid and grounded. This will help you in situations that require exchanging ideas in a large group, delivering your message to many people, rallying, persuading, teaching, or simply telling a story.

Research more about social skills in a group setting, observe the people that you feel are popular or well respected, observe their body language, their posture, their tones in different kinds of conversations, their choices of words, their silence, etc. This may sound mechanical but if you treat this skill just like math or painting, instead of thinking that social skill is something innate, you will see that with appropriate observations and enough practice, you can achieve a certain level of proficiency. This will open more opportunities for you and raise your confidence.

CLEAR QUARTZ

The stone of Pluto, South node and North node, all are "standing up", they are trying to make a statement (each side of the crystal is very narrow, it can fall over with just a gust of wind, I normally couldn't replicate the same position). The theme is about changing the old and embracing a new mindset. I think it has to do with how you take care of your appearance, your style.

Right now, you seem to be staying in the safe zone when it comes to styling yourself, making yourself more beautiful. This might be due to restrictions in early childhood, traditional values, what society deems appropriate or trendy. You might not want to focus too much on appearance because it seems superficial or vain, or takes too much of your time and energy.

But doing so will rope you the chance to express yourself more truthfully. Beautify yourself not because of how you will be perceived, but because it's a way to show love for yourself. You look into a mirror, you feel happy, you want to compliment yourself, you feel that silly stray strand of hair is adorable, not thinking about how will everyone say, how you are not like someone.

So the advice for you here is to be more adventurous in styling, expand your knowledge about fashion and styling, explore yourself more , give yourself the freedom to experiment more, to rebel more. Creating a unique image, a "public persona" is not just for some celebrities, everyone can benefit from that. Because behind that seemingly surface action, is the journey of discovering your deeper self. As within so without.

The theme of transformation is also applied to learning new languages. The languages should be totally different from your mother tongue, giving you more chance to connect with people from various parts of the world.

OBSIDIAN

The phrase "navigating the world" appeared in my mind. I got several meanings from this. One is in the literal sense as driving a vehicle, going around, navigating the roads, so learning to drive a new kind of vehicle might be the skill you should learn, or even learn to swim or row a boat. There are lots of movements, travelling and moving around. You should be more active in the physical sense. But this is not really about exercise or going to the gym, it's about moving your body, being in various places, experiencing different things. Your life in this period needs lots of expansion and movements. You might feel that you don't have enough resources or energy to go on trips, or you're simply someone who doesn't like travelling. But it will make your life stagnant. Travelling might not seem like a skill, but it is, all the planning, packing, preparation and the ability to adapt to the new place, all or these take skills.

Another one is navigating the complicated social construct. Maybe you feel it's hard to connect to people, there might be walls and the feeling of solitude and not fitting in, that there is something fundamentally different about you. The people that you managed to get closer to (it's likely that they approached you first) will stay close to you for a long time, you have no trouble maintaining a connection. The trouble lies in initiating or forming the connection. There might be an ego here that doesn't want to show their vulnerable side. Silly jokes and banters might seem childish to you. But learning to have fun in a social setting is much more rewarding than you think. Allow yourself to be a child, learn how to tell a story. Debating skills might also be worthwhile for you to learn, learn how to state your opinions clearly and defend your stance.

This group is strangely hard to read, I feel a certain resistance. You might feel that your personality isn't suitable for these kinds of things or you think it would take too much effort and work. You also don't want to imitate what other people are doing. Another reason might be that you haven't figured out what you like to do yet. But that's okay, everything takes time, trials and errors are normal, don't give up on the first try.

TIGER'S EYE

This one is an anti-consumerism movement. You might want to learn how to mend and sew clothes. And not just learn for yourself, but later will you spread the awareness to everyone, or even open workshops related to this.

Running after trends, constantly being bombarded by ads about shiny things that we don't actually need. Basic clothes with good quality cost too much while trendy ones don't last for more than a year. Maybe it's time for you to take matters in your own hands. Learning how to sew clothes might take time and effort, and sometimes, the cost is not small either. But you will be more free to explore styles that you like, create things that you're actually comfortable in. Not many people can proudly display their achievements like someone who makes their own clothes. This is also a great activity to relieve stress and help you practice being patient, especially if you're someone who is quick to get irritated or not very meticulous. It can soften your energy more and make it more focused.

Another way to practice is martial art or self-defense. You have lots of energy that needs to be channelled into various activities, those that keep your body busy.

You might also want to research more about the traditional spiritual and occult practices of your culture, or some traditional crafts in your family, learning about the legacy of our ancestors. There will be surprising knowledge hidden in them that you didn't notice before. You could feel resistant or disagree with many traditional teachings but don't disregard them completely. We can always learn something new from the old and the new always contain the old.

LABRADORITE

This is something that you feel out of your depth and uncomfortable doing, or something that you like but want to keep it a secret, for fear of judgement or obstruction.

I heard dancing and singing. But there's a feeling of gatekeeping. Some people consider these kinds of activities only for those who are gifted and have the resources to pursue them. These skills are put on a pedestal that stops people from approaching them in a more casual way.

Why should you learn these skills? It's to let your inner child be free and out into the open. It's also a way to learn how to control your body, discipline it so it can flow freely, it helps you connect more with your sensuality. Our body is an instrument of life, capable of many miracles, you won't know it unless you let it interact and move with the world around it.

There are various genres for you to explore, but I see traditional instruments or movements combined with modern ones.

Nurturing life such as gardening is another skill you should learn. It helps you be more in sync with nature, you will need to observe the natural cycle of life, to care for each individual and to form a bond with them. If you don't have the space or resources for gardening, maybe try to study more about nature, subjects about biology and chemistry, the ecosystem of forests, oceans, deserts etc. You will be more appreciative of the nature world.

CITRINE

Your energy right now seems to be rigid and doesn't flow properly. There's stress about your health, it's hard to relax, you don't feel comfortable in your body. Maybe you've been too busy lately, your mind is overloaded and your movement is restricted. So you need to learn something that can help you destress, loosen up the hard restrictions around you, and connect more with a softer, more gentle energy. You could call it your feminine energy, regardless of your gender. The feminine energy is within all of us, in your case, it's more hidden. Your loving, more nurturing side could be considered as weaknesses by the people around you. Or, on the contrary, those traits are expected of you forcefully, to the point that your own interpretation of them are buried deep within, you haven't had a chance to actually understand and connect with it.

I think meditation or any form of practice that can quiet the mind and put you in the flow will be good for you. Making art could be one form of it, yoga, intuitive dancing, Qigong, roller skating. Slow, mindful movements or wild, frantic ones just like a child running around, all the while maintaining your balance. You can temporarily forget about yourself, your worries, your responsibilities for a while with these kinds of activities.

Learning to play an instrument can also achieve the same kind of effects. A flute or a lyre.

You should be around children more, learn how to take care of them, how to teach them. Working, being with children can have a totally different energy and requires a different set of skills. I think you would make a great teacher because you have a very protective energy that children would feel safe around you. And in turn, they help you soften up and bring out your compassionate side more.

[lotuswish]

˗ˏˋ what loving you feels like to them (pt. 6 - octavinelle) 𓆝 .ᐟ

synopsis: have you ever wondered what falling in love feels like for each twisted wonderland boy? this series explores love from their perspective—how their personalities, experiences, and desires shape what loving you means to them. follow me to see the next part!

featured character(s): azul ashengrotto, jade leech, floyd leech.

content warning(s): none.

a/n: what loving you feels like to them might occasionally use the same words, but those words mean something a little different for each of them. it might sound familiar, but it's still their own!

azul ashengrotto

loving you feels like being swept away by an unstoppable current for azul ashengrotto—inevitable, overwhelming, and carrying him to places he never dared to dream of. for someone who has spent most of his life meticulously planning, calculating, and staying two steps ahead, love is a variable he cannot fully predict or control. it’s both exhilarating and unnerving, a kind of risk he would never have dared to take before you came into his life.

azul has always carried a deep-seated insecurity beneath his polished exterior. years of being ridiculed as a child for his appearance have made him fiercely determined to prove his worth through power, success, and control. yet loving you doesn’t feel like a negotiation or a transaction—it feels like surrendering to something he can’t quantify. it’s raw and messy and completely unlike the smooth, calculated persona he presents to the world. you don’t look at him for what he can offer, for his intellect or his business acumen; you see him, the parts of himself he tries to hide, and you love him for them. that terrifies him. but it also makes him feel something he’s never felt before: truly enough.

loving you feels like the gentle pull of the moon on the tides, constant and inescapable, drawing him toward something he never thought he could have. it’s the way you make him feel safe enough to lower his walls, to let go of the mask he’s worn for so long. around you, he can be vulnerable without fear of being judged. you’re the one who notices when his smiles don’t quite reach his eyes, the one who knows when he’s tired of putting on a show. with you, he doesn’t have to be the untouchable azul ashengrotto; he can just be azul.

at the same time, loving you stirs a fierce protectiveness within him. he’s spent years honing his ability to turn the tables on anyone who dares challenge him, but with you, it’s different. he doesn’t want to shield you out of strategy or obligation; he wants to protect you because you matter to him in ways he’s still learning to put into words. you’re more than a part of his world—you’ve become his most cherished treasure, something he would protect with everything he has.

for azul, loving you feels like finding a pearl in the depths of the sea—a treasure so rare and precious that he can hardly believe it’s his. it’s a reminder that even in a world driven by deals and ambition, there are things that can’t be earned or bargained for, things that simply exist in their beauty. loving you is terrifying and freeing all at once, and though it challenges everything he thought he knew about himself, he wouldn’t trade it for anything. you are the one thing he never saw coming, the one thing he never wants to lose.

jade leech

loving you feels like curiosity turned obsession for jade leech.

to jade, love is something foreign and utterly fascinating. it’s a deep ocean he’s never fully explored, and you are the mystery hidden beneath its surface. his love for you isn’t loud or obvious; it’s quiet, calculated, and deliberate, like the way he nurtures rare plants in his terrariums. loving you is a process, one he savors as much as he analyzes, peeling back the layers of who you are, uncovering your quirks, your fears, and your dreams. for jade, this discovery is intoxicating, a puzzle he never tires of solving.

and yet, it’s not just fascination. loving you feels like control slipping from his grasp in a way he never anticipated. jade is meticulous, always composed, always in control of himself and his surroundings. but with you, there are moments when he feels unbalanced, when the depth of his emotions surprises even him. it’s as if the current is pulling him somewhere unknown, somewhere dangerous, yet he can’t resist being swept along. loving you is a contradiction: it makes him feel both completely exposed and utterly alive.

for someone who rarely shows his true intentions, loving you feels like a quiet surrender. you see sides of him no one else does, the softness beneath the sharp edges, the warmth behind the cold, polite exterior. it’s disarming and thrilling all at once. you make him feel seen, not just as azul’s clever right-hand man or as the more composed leech twin, but as jade. you notice the details no one else bothers to see, and in return, jade finds himself wanting to give you everything, to open up the world to you as if you were the only person in it.

yet, there's also a possessiveness to his love, a quiet but unyielding need to keep you close. jade is not one to display his emotions openly, but beneath the calm exterior lies an intensity he keeps carefully hidden. loving you is like uncovering a sunken ship filled with untold treasures—a rare discovery he'll guard fiercely, no matter what. his protectiveness is subtle, woven into the fabric of his interactions with you, but it's unshakable all the same.

loving you feels like tending to a rare and delicate flower—something beautiful that requires both care and patience. you are the one thing in his life that cannot be manipulated or controlled, and instead of frustrating him, it fascinates him. he finds joy in watching you bloom, in learning how to nurture the connection between you. loving you is more than fascination; it’s a game he never wants to win, a puzzle he never wants to solve—because the joy isn’t in the answer, but in the endless discovery of you.

floyd leech

loving you feels like chaos and calm all at once for floyd leech.

floyd’s life has always been shaped by his whims, his moods, and his insatiable need to avoid monotony. to him, the world is a game, and people are pieces he moves and discards when they stop being interesting. but you? you’re different. you’re the one thing he can’t figure out, the one person he doesn’t want to toss aside. loving you feels like the kind of chaos he craves, but it also unsettles him in ways he’s never experienced before.

floyd thrives on extremes. he’s not used to balance or moderation, and his feelings for you are no exception. loving you is all-consuming—intense, raw, and sometimes overwhelming. it’s like the ocean at its most turbulent, waves crashing against his heart with a force that leaves him breathless. you challenge him, intrigue him, and keep him guessing, and that’s what he loves most. with you, there’s no risk of boredom, no stale routine. every moment feels alive, charged with a kind of energy he thought only existed in fleeting thrills.

loving you is something he never thought he’d allow, something that sneaks past his defenses and takes root before he even realizes it. floyd has never been one to settle down or feel tethered to anyone, yet with you, he doesn’t feel trapped. he feels seen. you don’t flinch at his unpredictability or try to smooth out his rough edges. you accept him as he is—moods, sharp teeth, and all—and that makes him want to keep you close, tighter than he’s ever held (squeezed) anything before.

it’s not easy for floyd to process emotions like this. he’s used to acting on impulse, but loving you makes him hesitate. it makes him think about what it means to want someone so deeply, to be afraid of losing them. it brings out a possessive side of him, but it’s more than just wanting to keep you close. it’s the fear of you walking away, of you deciding that the chaos he brings isn’t worth it. the idea of losing you is one of the few things that can genuinely make him feel vulnerable.

for floyd, loving you feels like a temptest—untamed, intense, and utterly consuming. it’s a force of chaos that turns his world upside down, and he wouldn’t trade it for anything. you’re the only one who can keep up with him, the only one who doesn’t try to dull his edges, and for that, he loves you with every ounce of his chaotic, unpredictable heart. you’re his favorite thing in the world, the one person he never gets tired of, and he’ll make sure you know it every single day.

congrats on making it to the end! if you enjoyed this, likes, comments, follows, and reblogs are always appreciated—they help motivate me to keep creating and sharing!

[isamerceds]

you get it completely! dora was such a whirlwind—equal parts thrilling and terrifying. stepping into a role that people already had such a strong connection to? yeah, no pressure at all. but you’re right, it shaped everything that came after. it taught me to take risks, trust myself, and just go for it. and now, looking back, it’s wild to think that’s where it all started. it’s like a little time capsule moment—who would’ve thought dora would lead to superman and the last of us? life’s funny that way. yes, pushing yourself with every project—that’s exactly it. growth isn’t just about the next big thing; it’s about what you take from it. i see you doing that, always challenging yourself, and it’s just so inspiring. we’re both just getting started, and i can’t wait to see where it takes us. you’re making me all emotional again! and now you’ve got me nervous—i might have to warm up my vocal cords before you listen. but honestly, music has been such a different kind of creative outlet for me, and i love getting to explore that side too. what if i told you i’m not back at work? i’ve been spending all of my free time with friends and family and it’s been fun. think i’m gonna cry when i go back to work.

That's brilliant! Dora the Explorer enjoyed immense success, and I bet stepping into a role already so intimately known by the public might have been both thrilling and somewhat intimidating for you. But I guess it's always worth it, whatever paved everything else that came afterward. You just took that confidence and ran with it, and lo and behold, here you are, playing parts as diverse as you are now. I mean, Superman and The Last of Us… That's some serious range, if I do say so. Do you ever look back at Dora and think, "Wow, that's where it all started?" That means a lot, babe. I just try to push myself with every project, not just for the audience, but for myself too. I think that's the best way to grow, don't you agree? You were trying to make me tear up all along, so, I had to do the same. That honestly means so much. It's been amazing to watch you build this for you! I've got no doubt there's still so much more ahead for both of us. That was surprising in a good kind of way. I'll have to listen to that voice of yours soon! Are you back at work already?

[eu-nicola]

a really bad time part 2

summary: miguel and you have been good friends for a while but now those things seemed to change

warnings: forbidden love (?) cheating

word counter: 4058

author’s note: english is not my first language

Summer had arrived.

Classes had ended a couple of weeks ago, and with them, any excuse to see Miguel. Since that night at the dance, you’d avoided any interaction with him. It wasn’t like you had fought or that something really happened between you two, but after that moment on the dance floor, something had changed.

And you just weren’t ready to face it.

Every time you received a message from him, you ignored it. If you ever ran into him at the dojo, you kept your distance and focused only on training.

But summer brought new situations, and now you were in one where avoiding him would be practically impossible.

Sam’s family had invited you to a cabin for the vacation.

You accepted without thinking too much about it. After all, your parents had no plans to travel until winter, and the idea of spending a few weeks surrounded by nature sounded like the perfect getaway.

Of course, then you remembered Miguel was going too.

Obviously, he would. 

He was Sam’s boyfriend.

He was part of the group.

And although you knew at some point you’d have to talk to him, you didn’t want to think about it just yet.

For now, you preferred to focus on packing.

The day of the trip came faster than you expected. The excitement of leaving the city and spending a few days away from everything filled the air as you got in the car with your suitcase and said goodbye to your family. Sam was already there when you arrived, grinning widely and signaling for you to get in.

“Finally! I thought you had fallen asleep,” she joked.

“Of course not,” you replied with a smile, settling your bag in the back seat.

That’s when you saw him.

Miguel was standing on the other side of the car, putting his own suitcase in the trunk. His hair was a bit messy, and he was wearing a light sweatshirt over a simple T-shirt. He looked exactly the same as always. But at the same time, different. Or maybe it was you who was seeing him differently now.

His eyes met yours for a brief moment.

You took a deep breath and smiled naturally, as if nothing had happened between you two.

“Hey, Migs.”

“Hey,” he replied in the same tone, giving a slight nod before closing the trunk.

And that was it.

Nothing unusual. No sign of awkwardness.

Like nothing had happened at the dance.

You got in the car without saying another word, and the trip began.

The hours on the road passed by with laughs, music, and lively conversations. Sam talked non-stop about how excited she was for the trip, about all the things she wanted to do when you got there, and you just followed along with enthusiasm.

Miguel, on the other hand, was quieter.

He would sometimes join the conversation, but mostly kept to himself, either focused on his phone or staring out the window. It wasn’t something the others noticed, but you did.

You decided to ignore it.

The landscape changed as you got farther from the city. The air became fresher, the trees taller and more abundant. Finally, after several hours, you reached the destination.

The place was beautiful.

The cabins were located near a crystal-clear lake, surrounded by a dense forest of pine and oak trees. The sound of the water gently lapping at the shore and the birds singing created an atmosphere of absolute peace. The afternoon sun reflected off the water, giving it a golden glow.

“This is incredible!” Sam exclaimed excitedly, jumping out of the car.

You nodded with a smile as you took in the scenery, feeling like this was just the kind of tranquility you needed.

There were two main cabins: one bigger for Sam’s parents and a smaller one where you, Sam, and Miguel would stay.

After unpacking and settling into the cabin, the rest of the first day went by without any problems.

Miguel spent all his time with Sam, and you took the opportunity to explore the area. You walked around, discovered a small trail that led to a hidden waterfall, and enjoyed the fresh air without worrying about anything else.

The second day at the cabin dawned sunny and warm, perfect for spending the morning by the lake. Sam had been insisting since early morning that the three of you go swimming, and after a quick breakfast, you all put on your swimsuits and walked to the water.

The lake shimmered under the sun, its surface reflecting the clear sky. The sound of leaves rustling with the breeze and the water softly splashing against the shore created a perfectly peaceful atmosphere.

“It looks amazing,” you said, slipping off your sandals and walking barefoot on the warm sand.

“We should get in already,” Sam said, adjusting her bikini before looking at Miguel. “You coming?”

“I don’t know, the water looks cold,” he joked.

You rolled your eyes and without thinking twice, you walked into the water, feeling the refreshing contrast against your skin. You waded deeper until the water reached your waist, enjoying the sensation.

“It’s not that cold, you wimps!” you yelled, splashing water in their direction. “Come on, get in.”

Sam rolled her eyes, amused, before she stepped into the water, letting out a small scream when the cold surprised her.

“You lied to me! It’s freezing!” she exclaimed.

You laughed as she adjusted to the temperature.

Miguel sighed exaggeratedly before finally stepping into the water, shaking his head as he felt the coldness on his skin.

“I don’t know how you managed to convince us,” he said, moving his arms in the water.

“I have my charms,” you replied with a smile.

Little by little, the three of you began to play, splashing water and trying to push each other around. The mood was light, with no tension, as if everything had gone back to normal between you.

Until it wasn’t.

In the middle of the water, when Sam had swum a little farther away, you felt a light tug at your waist.

The contact caught you by surprise.

Underwater, strong hands gently held you, stopping you from moving for a second.

Him.

Your heart skipped a beat, and you opened your eyes underwater, meeting his gaze.

You didn’t know if it was the surprise, the closeness, or just the fact that you were feeling his touch after so long, but reflexively, you pulled away and swam away from him quickly.

When you surfaced, you tried to catch your breath without looking at him.

“I think I’ll leave you two alone for a bit,” you said, brushing off what had just happened.

Sam smiled, thanking you without suspecting anything.

“You’re the best.”

Without saying anything more, you walked out of the water and headed back to the cabin, still feeling the trace of his hands on your skin.

That strange feeling was still there, like something inside you had awoken with that brief contact.

You shook your head, trying to push those thoughts aside as you entered the cabin and headed straight for the bathroom.

You needed a good shower to clear your mind.

The hot water ran over your skin as you tried to focus on something else. Not on him. Not on what had happened in the lake. Not on how his touch had felt, even if it was only for a second.

After your shower, you picked a loose white dress, short and perfect for the warm day, with the light fabric being comfortable and cool.

You looked at yourself in the mirror for a second before leaving the cabin. Your wet hair fell over your shoulders, and the dress fit perfectly with the summer breeze.

Once outside, you sat on the wooden steps and pulled out your phone, trying to distract yourself with anything.

But the signal was terrible.

You sighed, scrolling through the screen even though you could barely load any apps.

The murmurs of the lake and the sounds of laughter in the distance told you that Miguel and Sam were still there.

And no matter how hard you tried to ignore it, that feeling of discomfort was still there.

Night slowly fell over the forest, painting the sky with shades of orange and pink before giving way to a dark blanket speckled with stars. The temperature dropped enough for everyone to decide to gather around the bonfire, enjoying the warmth of the flames and the relaxing sound of the crackling wood.

You sat on a log near Sam and Miguel, but not too close. You didn’t want to think too much about what had happened at the lake, but something inside you kept stirring, as if you could still feel the faint touch of his hands on your waist.  

You shook your head, focusing on what was going on around you.  

Sam’s parents were chatting with each other, while she laughed and talked animatedly with Miguel. The firelight illuminated her face, making her look so happy next to him.  

They’re perfect together.  

That thought crossed your mind heavier than you expected.  

You grabbed a marshmallow and held it up to the flames, watching it slowly brown while the rest of the conversation continued.  

But then you felt a gaze on you.  

He was looking at you, and you knew it without needing to turn around.  

It wasn’t the first time that day you’d felt him watching you, but it was the first time the air around you seemed heavy because of it.  

You subtly slid your gaze in his direction, and there he was.  

He was staring at you.  

But as soon as your eyes met, he quickly looked away, as if he didn’t want to be caught.  

A strange pang hit your chest.  

You tried to ignore it, though part of you wanted to look for his gaze again, to confirm that you hadn’t imagined it.  

But when Sam took his hand playfully and leaned in with a radiant smile, everything inside you seemed to turn upside down.  

Miguel smiled and leaned a bit closer to her.  

They looked so good together, so comfortable, so... natural.  

And you...  

You felt something cold settle in your chest.  

As if, somehow, you didn’t belong in that moment.  

Sam’s laughter filled the air when Miguel whispered something in her ear, and she rested her head on his shoulder for a brief second before straightening up again.  

You just looked at your marshmallow, now completely burned, and let it fall to the ground with a sigh.  

“I’m going to get some water,” you murmured, not expecting an answer, standing up quickly and walking away from the campfire.  

The forest was darker now, only lit by the moon and the small lights hanging from the cabins.  

You walked over to the table where the water bottles were and took one, taking a couple of sips while you tried to calm the knot that had formed in your chest.  

You didn’t know why you felt this way.  

But what you did know was that, no matter how hard you tried, ignoring what was happening between you and Miguel was starting to get harder than you’d thought.  

You took your time before going back to the others. The uncomfortable feeling in your chest was still there, but you decided to do your best to ignore it. You didn’t want to ruin the night for anyone, so you took a deep breath, relaxed your shoulders, and returned to the campfire with a calm expression.  

“I think I’m going to head to bed,” you announced with a small smile, rubbing your arms as if the cold was the reason for your decision.  

Sam, still sitting next to Miguel, looked at you curiously.  

“So early?”  

“Yeah, I’m a bit tired,” you lied, because the truth was you just wanted to get away from there.  

“Alright, see you tomorrow,” she said with a smile.  

The others also said their goodbyes, though Miguel just gave you a quick glance without saying anything. You didn’t try to interact more, just turned around and walked back to the cabin.  

When you arrived, you turned on a small lamp and sat on the bed, pulling out your phone to try and get a signal. You sighed when you saw it barely loading any messages, so you stayed moving it around, hoping to get at least one bar of connection.  

Minutes later, the door opened.  

You looked up and saw Miguel walk in.  

You couldn’t help but wonder if he’d delayed on purpose.  

“Where’s Sam?” you asked casually, watching as he closed the door behind him.  

“She’ll be here in a bit. She’s helping her parents with something.”  

You just nodded and looked back at your phone, moving it around in the air as if that would help.  

Miguel let out a small laugh at the sight of you.  

“You’re still trying to find a signal, huh?”  

“I need it,” you said with a grimace. “It’s so frustrating not having any connection.”  

Miguel shook his head and sat at the other end of the cabin.  

A few minutes of silence passed when the door handle turned.  

You both looked at the door at the same time, expecting Sam to walk in, but it didn’t open.  

“What...?” you muttered, furrowing your brow.  

“Guys?” Sam’s voice came from the other side. “The door won’t open.”  

You stood up and went to try it yourself, but when you turned the handle, you realized it was indeed stuck.  

“This is a joke, right?” you asked, pushing a bit.  

“No, seriously, it won’t open,” Sam said in frustration.  

“Try harder,” Miguel said, getting up as well.  

You could hear Sam trying to push, even knocking on the door a couple of times, but nothing.  

“It’s not moving,” she confirmed. “I think it’s stuck from the inside.”  

“Great…” you muttered, resting your forehead against the wood.  

“I’m going to call my dad,” Sam said. “Maybe he can open it.”  

You and Miguel exchanged a silent glance while waiting.  

Just a minute later, Sam’s voice came again.  

“He couldn’t.”  

You stepped away from the door.  

“So now what do we do?”  

“He says he’ll call someone in the morning to fix it,” Sam replied. “In the meantime, looks like you two are staying in there.”  

Your stomach sank.  

The whole night?  

You felt immediate tension in the air.  

“But... what about you?” Miguel asked, leaning toward the door.  

“I’m going to sleep in my parents’ cabin,” Sam answered, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I’m not staying out here all night.”  

You couldn’t help but bite your lip, feeling the nerves stir in your chest.  

Sam and Miguel exchanged a few more words, but you barely registered them.  

As soon as you heard Sam say her goodbyes and walk away, the weight of the reality hit you.  

You were going to spend the night alone with Miguel.  

Your body tensed immediately.  

“Well...” Miguel’s voice broke the silence.  

You looked up at him.  

He seemed a little uncomfortable too.  

You didn’t say anything, just moved back to the bed and sat down again, trying to act normal.  

Miguel sighed and flopped onto the couch, running a hand through his hair.  

“I guess we’ll have to make this as not awkward as possible, huh?”  

You nodded, though the truth was, it already felt awkward enough that you couldn’t ignore it.  

But you had no choice.  

This was going to be a long night.

The cabin was strangely quiet, only the sound of the trees swaying slightly in the wind and the creaking of the wood under your feet broke the stillness. Miguel was still there, sitting at the other side of the small room, not saying a word. The seconds seemed to stretch, turning the stillness into something unbearable.  

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, you took a breath and, with your heart pounding in your chest, decided to speak. What you had been feeling had been there all along, hidden and unwilling to face it, but now you couldn’t anymore. You needed answers.  

“Why... why did you take me by the waist at the lake?” your voice trembled a little, but you managed to hold his gaze.  

Miguel, who seemed lost in his own thoughts, looked at you immediately. His eyes darkened a little, as if he already knew what you were referring to.  

“You know why,” he said quietly, as if he didn’t care about saying it.  

You shook your head, a knot tightening in your stomach.  

“No, I don’t.” Your voice cracked a little as you stood up and took a step closer to him, searching for a clearer answer. “I don’t understand what you were trying to do. I don’t understand why you did it.”  

Miguel let out a long sigh, his gaze now filled with confusion, but his eyes showed an unease you knew well. He stood up slowly, and with one step, he was right in front of you, barely inches away.  

“Do you know what I was feeling?” he murmured, his warm breath brushing against your skin. “You knew how I felt in that moment. Not just from what happened at the lake, but before, even when I was looking at you. And I... I couldn’t ignore it anymore.”  

The closeness made your throat tighten even more. The air between you was thick with something you didn’t know how to handle.  

“Miguel, this...” you stumbled over your words, trying to get your mind and heart to agree. “You... Sam is your girlfriend. I don’t want to do this to her.”  

He looked at you intensely, his gaze now more determined, almost challenging, as if the situation was pressing.  

“I know. And if you tell me no, then I won’t continue it.” His words were clear, but the way he approached you, slow and decisive, made your breath quicken.  

The tension in your chest was unbearable. You knew what you should do, you knew the answer had to be a clear “no.” But at the same time, a part of you wanted to say something different, something that felt more real, more true.

Miguel was so close you could feel his warmth. The space between you two was minimal, and the need to close that gap became almost primal.

Time seemed to stop, and right in that exact moment, the conflict inside you exploded. You knew what you were feeling wasn’t something easy to solve, but you also knew that ignoring it hurt even more.

A tear slid down your cheek, softly running down your face. You couldn’t help it.

Miguel, seeing the tear, moved even closer. He cupped your face in his hands with a gentleness that contrasted with the tension in the air. His gaze was intense, looking for something in you, trying to figure out if you’d let yourself go.

“You don’t have to say yes… I just want to know how you feel,” he said in a low voice, almost a whisper, his breath brushing your skin.

Something inside you broke. You knew it was wrong, you knew all of this could get even more complicated than it already was, but the desire, the need to feel something different from that confusion, was stronger right now.

You nodded slowly, as if you couldn’t deny it anymore.

And without another word, Miguel leaned in, his lips brushing yours with a softness that made you tremble. At first, it was a shy, cautious kiss, as if you both were confirming that what you felt was real. But when your hands gripped his shirt and he deepened the kiss, everything else disappeared.

In that moment, the outside world, your fears, your doubts, all faded away. The only sound was the rapid beat of your hearts and the feeling of his lips on yours, like that was the only truth that mattered.

You held onto him more tightly, kissing him back with the same intensity, letting go of your anxiety and uncertainty. The brush of his hands on your face and the warmth of his body next to yours made you feel alive in a way you hadn’t before.

The room was in a stillness that felt almost unreal, as if the whole world had stopped around you. Miguel’s lips were still on yours, his warm, fast breath pressing against your skin. Gently, he pulled back just a few inches, looking for your eyes, but you kept yours shut for a moment, trying to process what had just happened.

Guilt was starting to creep in, but at the same time, the heat of his body next to yours kept you grounded in that moment, not wanting to move, not wanting to think about what would come next.

Miguel slid one of his hands down your cheek with a tenderness that made you shiver, and when his fingers trailed down your arm, you felt a chill run down your spine.

“I need you…” his voice was quiet, like he was afraid of breaking the fragile moment you were in.

You didn’t answer, but you didn’t pull away either. You simply looked at him, unsure of what to say, unsure if you should run or if you wanted to stay.

He seemed to understand your inner conflict because he didn’t push. Instead, with a slowness that took your breath away, he took your hand and guided you toward the bed.

You didn’t question it. You didn’t stop him.

Your steps were silent as you followed him, as if the simple sound could make reality crash down on you. Everything felt out of place, yet inevitable.

When you both fell onto the mattress, Miguel stayed close, his eyes scanning you with a mix of desire and something deeper, something you weren’t ready to name.

“Tell me to stop,” he whispered again, his face inches from yours.

The words were right there, on the tip of your tongue. You could stop everything right now, get up, and tell him this was wrong, that it shouldn’t happen. But you didn’t.

Instead, you raised a hand and gently placed it on his face, feeling the warmth of his skin under your fingers. Miguel closed his eyes at the contact and let out a shaky sigh.

It was enough.

The next moments happened in a whirlwind of sensations. His lips found yours again, this time with more urgency, and you held onto him with the same intensity.

Hours blurred together. The weight of what you were doing was there, deep in your mind, but you ignored it, letting the moment consume you entirely.

When it was over, silence filled the room again, but this time it was different.

You were lying on his chest, feeling the rapid beats of his heart under your ear. Miguel had an arm around your waist while his hand traced small circles on your skin.

You didn’t speak. You couldn’t.

You knew that eventually, you’d have to face it. You’d have to face Sam, the guilt, the consequences of what just happened.

But right now, you didn’t want to.

You closed your eyes and clung to him more tightly, feeling his breathing slowly even out.

Miguel slid a hand into your hair, gently stroking it, and when you finally spoke, your voice was barely a whisper.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen now.”

He took a while to answer, like he didn’t have the answer either.

“Me neither…”

The weight of reality hung over you both, but for now, all that existed was this moment.

And even though you knew you couldn’t hold onto him forever, for one night, you decided to do just that.

[literaturewit65]

An Analysis of Dazai's Reactions to Death

Disclaimer: I haven't actually finished reading the manga yet so all information in this post is taken solely from the light novel and anime.

Spoiler alert: This post contains spoilers from 15, Storm Bringer, Dark Era and the anime of BSD

Warning: This post is about Dazai so naturally it contains mentions of su*cide and death.

This is my first analysis of BSD, so please be kind. That said, any constructive feedback is welcome. If you have any further questions about my perspective, please feel free to ask!

Then without further ado...

Bungo Stray Dogs written by Kafka Asagiri and illustrated by Sango Harukawa is a multimedia series which explores the complex nature of the human mind through its characters. One such character, Dazai Osamu, inspired by the 20th century Japanese novelist of the same name and his well-known work No Longer Human, is a character known for his eccentric behaviour and fascination with suicide. Often times his behaviour may come off as bizarre on first sight and one might think it is purely for comic relief. This essay aims to explain the reason behind his strange reaction to the sight of the murdered woman in episode five season one of the anime, or this scene.

This screenshot was taken from timestamp 6:27 of Season one episode 5 of Bungo Stray Dogs.

This will be done by exploring first Dazai’s reaction to death between the ages of 15 and 18 or during Dazai, Chuuya, Age Fifteen and Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era, second by exploring the fact that Dazai is aware that he is different to other people, and finally by exploring the way he deals with this difference and with strong emotions during the present of Bungo Stray Dogs or at the age of 22.

Dazai’s reaction to death was unusual to say the least when he was the age of 15 and it continue to be so at the age of 18. There are three main instances where the audience watches Dazai react to death at these ages. In consecutive order from Dazai’s perspective—rather than the order they were published—is first, during the seventh light novel, Dazai, Chuuya, Age Fifteen just after the fight before Dazai and Chuuya go to meet Randou. This scene takes place from page 53 to 54 of the English version of the light novel. There are several unusual points during this scene. But first it should be made clear that the audience has no real way of knowing what kind of experiences Dazai had been exposed to in his early life which could have a bearing on why he behaves this way at this age. There are plenty of theories but at the time of writing this Asagiri had not revealed what Dazai’s early life was like. Now, back to the point at hand. First it is unusual that a boy of 15 when faced with a dying man would ask him if he would like him to ‘end your suffering with this gun,’ (p. 53) however this may be disregarded considering that Dazai although not a part of the mafia seems to have been with Mori for some time at this point. What is more strange however is what Dazai says next ‘…But you’re showing me something extremely valuable—your death—so I want to pay you back,’ (p. 53). He then proceeds to repeatedly shoot the dead body while laughing. This could be chalked back to some sort of love for seeing others in pain if it wasn’t for what Dazai said before. He states that he sees the man’s death as valuable. There is no way of knowing how often Dazai had been exposed to death before but the fact that he views it as valuable suggests that at this point perhaps he had not been desensitized to it. Viewing death as valuable though is, decidedly, an unusual perspective for a 15-year-old boy to take.

The second time Dazai experiences death is also in the same light novel when Randou passes away. Those who have read Storm Bringer will know that’s not precisely what happens but at this point there is no evidence to show that Dazai has any idea Randou isn’t really dead and so it will be treated as another experience of death. There is a marked difference in Dazai’s behaviour in this instance compared to the one highlighted above. This scene takes place in Dazai, Chuuya, Age Fifteen on pages 118 and 119 of the English version. Whether this difference in behaviour is to be attributed to the fact that Dazai probably knew Randou to some degree or to the fact that Chuuya had earlier highlighted to him the fact that his behaviour in the earlier scene was abnormal is up to interpretation. However, while his behaviour is more normal than before it is still rather unusual. During this scene Dazai seems more aware of the sensitive nature of what is happening because he asks Randou if he has any last words and continues by saying, ‘…If you have any final wishes, we’ll see what we can do to—’ (p. 118). This shows that he is sensitive to what’s happening and that it requires a certain type of behaviour, but it is still rather unusual given that this man is dying because of Dazai’s doing and the fact that Randou was trying to kill the former and Chuuya a few moments ago. Additionally, after Randou explains about what happened between himself and Verlaine before Verlaine betrayed him Dazai goes off on a tangent about the ‘inevitable destruction’ caused by ‘a fight between two skilled spies’ (p. 118). While Asagiri may have chosen to have Dazai say this in order to make it more clear to the reader why Randou tried to absorb Arahabaki, it is still a strange thing to do at somebody’s death bed. This being said, it is clear that Dazai is a lot more respectful at Randou’s death than he was at the G.S.S. officer’s death in the scene highlighted before as Asagiri states, ‘Both Chuuya and Dazai quietly listened as if there was something in what Randou was saying that they couldn’t allow themselves to miss,’ (p. 119). While it is possible Dazai is simply imitating Chuuya’s behaviour here in order to seem more normal it seems more likely that Dazai knows how to react better to the death of a person he knows and this idea is reinforced by his reaction to Odasaku’s death in Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era, which will be explored shortly. It is clear, however that Dazai is affected by Randou’s death in some way when the novel states ‘Some things, however, would not return to normal: the body of a man who no longer felt cold, and the hearts of the two boys who stood rooted to the spot, staring at him,’ (p. 119). This shows that Dazai is affected by death, but he seems to interpret it and deal with it in unusual ways.

The final example of when Dazai experiences death takes place three years later during the second light novel, Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era, when Dazai is 18 years old. At this point he has been in the mafia for three years, so he has probably experienced death quite a bit between now and when he was 15, however this is the death of the person who is probably the only one who ever understood Dazai—with the exception perhaps of Chuuya—and who cared for him in a way which was arguably like a father. This scene takes place from page 159 to 161 of the English version of the light novel. This scene is arguably the most interesting in terms of Dazai experiencing death for several reasons. One of those reasons is that while the scene deals with Dazai’s emotions, it does not deal with his reaction to Odasaku’s death but rather with his reaction to what Odasaku says, which causes a dramatic shift in his world view and which, as any reader will know, ultimately causes Dazai to leave the mafia and strive to become a better person. While the scene does start by dealing with Dazai’s reaction to Odasaku’s death the majority of the middle of the scene is spent on Dazai’s reaction to what Odasaku says to him before returning to his reaction to his death. The scene begins with Dazai rushing into the room, calling Odasaku’s name. This is pretty normal behaviour for anime and manga characters on seeing someone close to them dying. But Dazai then proceeds to say, ‘You’re such an idiot, Odasaku. The biggest idiot I know,’ (p. 160). That is arguably an unusual thing to tell your friend on his death bed, but compared to other things Dazai has done it’s not that abnormal. The scene continues with Dazai saying that Odasaku didn’t have to die. Which is standard behaviour. Then Odasaku says he wants to tell Dazai something. He proceeds with his statement about Dazai stating that he’s looking for his reason to live in the mafia and telling him that he won’t find it. The scene then proceeds to explore the idea that Dazai has finally realised how well Odasaku knows him. The rest of this scene is spent exploring this idea as well as Odasaku’s advice to Dazai. It only actually returns to Dazai’s reaction to Odasaku’s death at the end. By stating ‘Dropping to his knees by Odasaku’s side, Dazai looked up to the ceiling and closed his eyes. His tightly shut lips faintly trembled. The smoke from the cigarette rose straight up to the top. Nobody said a word,’ (p. 161).  The strangest thing about this scene is arguably, that Dazai doesn’t cry. It’s possible that he was holding back tears, based on this description but the fact that it is only implied and left up to the readers interpretation suggests that Asagiri didn’t want to explicitly state that Dazai was crying. In the anime version of this scene as can below there is no hint of Dazai’s eyes being shinier than they usually are when he has lights in his eyes.

This screen shot was taken from time stamp 21:33 of episode 4 of season 2 of Bungo Stray Dogs.

After that the scene zooms out so that Dazai doesn’t have a face as can be seen here.

This screen shot was taken from time stamp 21:38 of episode four of season two of the anime.

This suggests that the decision to not show if Dazai was crying was deliberate. Given how much Odasaku means to Dazai, and that he had just realised how well Odasaku understood him it seems unusual that he would not cry.

The combined evidence of these three scenes suggests that Dazai behaves rather unusually in regard to death but that he seems to process it more normally when the person is closer to him than when it’s a stranger, where his behaviour is decidedly strange. Regardless of his closeness to the person however, evidence would suggest that the way Dazai deals with death is different to other people to a greater or lesser degree.

Now, how does all this have a baring on Dazai’s behaviour many years later in episode 5 season 1 of Bungo Stray Dogs? It has a baring on it if one accepts the fact that Dazai is aware that his behaviour towards death is rather strange to other people. It is never explicitly stated that Dazai is aware of this, however based on his behaviour it is clear that Dazai knows he is different to other people. This is highlighted in a particular instance in the seventh light novel. This scene takes place in Dazai, Chuuya, Age Fifteen on pages 53 to 54 of the English version. In this scene Chuuya stops Dazai from repeatedly shooting the dead body of the G.S.S. soldier. The scene commences with, “‘Quit that, you idiot […]  He’s already dead,’ said Chuuya, ‘Quit shooting his corpse,’” (pp. 53-54). However, it is Dazai’s response to Chuuya’s statement which shows that he knows his reaction is unusual. Dazai responds with ‘You’re right. When you’re right, you’re right. That’s the most normal reaction to have,’ (p. 54). Then as he walks away from the body after dropping the pistol he laughs. This is the scene as it’s written, “‘Ha-ha. ‘Normal.’ Ha-ha-ha.’ Dazai’s hollow laughter filled the cluster of trees, vanishing into thin air,” (p. 54). The fact that Dazai reacts by stating that what Chuuya says is normal and the way he laughs about it shows that he knows that he is not normal. If the idea that Dazai knows he is not normal is extrapolated, then it is implied that he also knows that his behaviour towards death is abnormal. If it is taken into account that Dazai realises his behaviour, particularly around death is odd it makes sense that as an adult he would want to hide that.

All of the above scenes took place when Dazai was still a teenager. However, it seems that even as a young adult he doesn’t know how to behave around emotionally charged situations. This is shown in episode one of Bungo Stray Dogs where Atsushi and Dazai are in the warehouse waiting for the tiger to show up. During this scene Atsushi is amazed by Dazai’s confidence and he states ‘You’re really confident, I’m kind of jealous. They called me a good-for-nothing at the orphanage. And now I don’t know where I’ll sleep tonight or whether I’ll be able to earn my keep tomorrow. […] No one’d care if someone like me were to die in a ditch somewhere. Yeah, I may be better off eaten by a tiger…’ this happens at 13:30-13:57 of episode 1 of season 1 of Bungo Stray Dogs. To Atsushi’s statement Dazai does not reply. He is silent for a beat with a neutral expression as shown here.

This screenshot is taken from timestamp 13:58 of episode 1 season 1 of Bungo Stray Dogs.

He then proceeds to state that he thinks the tiger will come soon. This is an unusual reaction given what Atsushi just said, and it would make more sense for him to comfort the boy. But he doesn’t. This is arguably because Dazai doesn’t know how to react in what would be considered a normal way in an emotional situation like this. If he doesn’t know how to react normally here it is unlikely he knows how to react normally to death. Now, it has been made clear above that he recognises his behaviour as abnormal, and it is likely that since his instinctive reaction is abnormal, he is unable to fake a normal reaction as he doesn’t know what this would be. Hence his unusual reaction in episode five season one. He reacts with such melodrama because he knows that his instinctive reaction isn’t normal, but he doesn’t know what a normal reaction would be, and he can’t just not react either thus he opts for this melodramatic reaction which, although isn’t normal still shows a rather dramatised version of sadness at the woman’s death which is perhaps more normal than what his instinctive reaction would be. And although the others at the scene who don’t know him are rather confused at his reaction it attracts less attention than if he were to react in a similar vein to his reaction to the G.S.S. officer’s death.

To conclude Dazai’s melodramatic reaction to the murdered woman in episode 5 season 1 of Bungo Stray Dogs it not just comic relief, there is a deeper meaning behind his eccentricities. He reacts this way because he is self-aware enough to know that his instinctive reaction to death is unusual and in order to not shock other people at his behaviour, he opts for the melodramatic response he gives since while still unusual it is more similar to the way a normal person might react being a rather melodramatic version of it.

[avispraeda]

So I'm gonna admit, I had a moment of weakness when I saw the "brothers" line because to each their own, enjoy what you want, but that's not really my cup of tea if you catch my drift. But I sat and thought it over and came out the other side with an even greater appreciation for TreyRid.

And I've just!! Gotta ramble. For all the people I see saying we were robbed.

Trey seeing Riddle as an incredibly smart little brother highlights the importance of their bond in that moment--and just in general really. It's different from just being close friends, it's not often you reach that level of connection and start seeing another person as not just friends, but family without a deep trust and enjoyment of each other, especially from someone who does have actual blood siblings he also really cares about. It's not romantic (right now) but he loves Riddle so much that a large portion of the changes in Trey's dream are literally about wanting him to be happy.

He knew this kid for all of 3-ish months before they were separated, and yet he held on to his memories of Riddle for so long that he went around excitedly talking about him to all his dorm mates! You have not seen hide nor hair of this dude for almost a decade how are you still this devoted to him (it's partially The Trauma oops). And then if that wasn't enough, he spent the entire previous year trying and failing to reforge some kind, ANY KIND of friendship from square 1 while effectively treading water with managing the dorm. He didn't volunteer for this! He could've easily decided nah, screw this, I wanna support him as a regular student instead of vice and either quit the job or, if drastic measures felt needed, peaced out to Octavinelle or some other dorm! But he stayed, and he tried to make it work!

And now post-blot they're getting there, they're both aware they missed each other and that the distance was from repressed feelings rather than a bond broken. They're goofing around again, facing off in games and eating lunch together as a casual thing and just enjoying each other's company. They're letting their feelings show more often (ex: Riddle admitting to feeling like a burden in the Savanaclaw novel after Trey gets hurt). According to Cater they're often together, likely even before Riddle's overblot. There's still so much work they need to do, they're both still deeply traumatized (again thank you Cater lol mvp) and need time to come to terms with what happened. But even though it's only been a few months since they've been back on friendly terms, Trey still admits he holds Riddle to this high familial regard. Trey overtly loves and cares about Riddle SO damn much, and that's canon! Like this might be the most blatant it's ever been stated from Trey's end! Unless I'm being a fool and forgetting! Which I might be!

And here's the thing, they're both still young! Not even out of school yet! And feelings change over time. Sometimes those familial feelings do grow into romantic ones, and sometimes they remain familial. It's a slowburn ship, where as they continue to gradually pick apart and wipe down and stitch up those traumas, those feelings can morph into romance as they watch the other grow and heal. And that's coming from someone who loves exploring a romantic dynamic while they're still in school together heeheehoohoo.

Maybe Trey gets feelings as Riddle pulls away from his mom and matures, heals physically and mentally, the need for coddling fades. Maybe he ends up realizing that the way his heart races when he sees Riddle smile is different from when Chenya smiles, has always been different, and he wasn't able to recognize it until he worked through some of that Mrs Roseheart trauma. Maybe he already knows there's romantic potential there but also knows neither of them are ready for that sort of thing yet. Maybe it ends up being a lifelong queer platonic partnership. There's so many possibilities for their bond it's making my head spin.

I could go into the details of how Chenya being housewarden instead is a change made as a means to an end regarding both his yearning for his friend there to help in the previous year and how denying Riddle the role lets him be free from the pressure and weight of expectations, rather than overt dissatisfaction with Riddle's as a leader (thank you Ortho for that little addition). Or how Trey realizing that Riddle---the QUEEN---always gets the first tart slice was what helped him wake up on his own. But I think I've made my point.

TreyRid wasn't robbed, it was gifted an amazing foundation to build off of, maybe a few steps away from Trey just outright saying he wants to lick whipped cream out of Riddle's mouth.

[theambitiouswoman]

I’ve been struggling with feelings of loneliness for years. I’ve met many people and tried to make friends, but I’ve never found someone who truly feels like a good match for me. Most of the time, I noticed that people enjoy gossiping, that I couldn’t trust them, or that their kindness felt insincere. Because of this, I slowly distanced myself from them since we never really connected. Since I work from home, I haven’t had many opportunities to be in social environments, which has always made it difficult for me to make friends. Right now, I only have 2 friends, but even with them, we barely talk anymore. Over time, I feel like our bond has weakened as well. This has always made me see myself as weird or even pathetic because I can’t go out and have fun with friends like others do. I’m 23, and I feel like my youth is slipping away. Since I can’t seem to change this mindset, I’ve lost my confidence, and I no longer feel motivated to do anything. The only person I truly feel close to is my boyfriend. Do you have any advice or suggestions on how I can change my perspective on this? I’d really appreciate it. Thank you so much💗

A lot of people struggle with loneliness, especially in adulthood when deep connections are harder to make.

Instead of focusing on the number of friends, shift your focus to quality over quantity. Some with big friend groups still feel lonely. It’s about finding one or two people who align with you, and that takes time.

People with large friend groups often seem to have it all together, but these groups can lack depth. Having many people around doesn’t always mean healthy connections. Some may enjoy the energy of a crowd but still feel disconnected.

The key difference is that those with deep, quality friendships feel genuinely supported. Having a few close friends is more rewarding than trying to keep up with a big group.

Since you work from home, try putting yourself in environments where like minded people get together—meetups, co working spaces, or online communities. Friendships take time but consistency and shared experiences build connection.

Confidence comes from feeling secure in who you are, even when alone. Instead of focusing on "fixing" this, focus on nurturing yourself. Do things you love, even solo—explore, visit a café, or take a class. The more you embrace your own company, the more you’ll attract the right people.

Don’t underestimate the friendships you already have. Even if you don’t talk often, a simple “Hey, I miss you” could help rekindle the bond. Remember that you also have to be there for people and make time for them when they need you. They also want to feel cared about and appreciated too. Real friends don’t always talk daily, but they’re still there.

The right people will come. Stay open to them.

[pumpkinprincess22]

Garroth, Laurance, and Love

So I think for most people Garroth and Laurance are considered the primary love interests in MCD. Along with Zoey I suppose. But the two of them have very different approaches to love/feelings and they are, in my rewrite, the complete opposite to what they seem.

Laurance is the notorious ‘Casanova of Meteli’ all the girls want him he’s a famous flirt. So many things said in a wink and a smile. But he’s very guarded when it comes to his heart. He says to Aphmau in canon that despite his reputation he’s never actually kissed anyone. Laurance is very careful about who he opens his heart to, especially post Nether and Sasha’s betrayal, one of his closest friends and one of the few people outside his family that he truly loved and trusted, Kenmur being the other because I will die on the Meteli gang friendship hill. He flirts with Aphmau at first because that’s just who he is, but he falls for her because she really truly sees him. She trusts him even though she doesn’t appreciate the way he treats her at first and she doesn’t hesitate to help him when he returns from the Nether. He warms to Garroth and Dante too but it takes him a while as with the other PD residents.

Garroth on the other hand loves deeply and easily, perhaps a little too much. He loves his family, and struggles to reconcile his love and hatred for Garte. He falls head over heels for his guard mentor (my OC Kit, Katelyn’s older brother). He cares deeply for the villagers of Phoenix Drop, but he struggles to verbalise his affections especially after his exile. He finds it much easier to show his love through deeds, taking off his helm for Donna’s wedding so that Zane will perform the ceremony, travelling to the Neapolitan villages to help Aphmau, going with Laurance to find Aph during the Malachi’s castle arc, staying behind in the Irene dimension to save everyone.

MCD is fundamentally at its core (to me) a love story in so much as it is a story about different kinds of love. Platonic, familial, romantic, and sexual love (less obviously because of the target audience but i think it’s there) are all explored. Of course it is also a political adventure story but there is still love underpinning that. The lord of scaleswind partnered with O’Khasis because he wanted his daughter back for example.

[ewingstan]

It's worth noting how Ewing approached this idea from a different direction 8 years later in the wake of the first Hellfire Gala. For context: at this point in the continuity, mutants had created their own island paradise nation and pressured the international community to accept them as a sovereign state through the sale of cheap miracle pharmaceuticals. While the mutant nation of Krakoa is a sci-fi society of wondrous technology, its inclusion within Marvel's worldbuilding once again fails to cause a more general technological revolution—miracles like resurrection eventually see limited non-human use, but even the societal effect of panaceas being widely available for the average citizen isn't very explored. Iron Man and Mister Fantastic's level of innovation is available for a whole society, but once again not for the world.

However, a single society having an incredible technologic power advantage over everyone else is still a much more familiar set of circumstances, as is a society using such an advantage to claim territories and victories for itself. Hence, the first Hellfire Gala, where all the most powerful people on earth are invited for a celebration of Krakoan sovereignty and are surprised with an invitation to watch Mars be terraformed and colonized in a matter of minutes. It's one of my favorite moments within the whole Krakoa storyline, but my actual favorite moment comes from Ewing's follow-up in SWORD #6, when the attendees are reflecting on what they just saw.

I love this. The tie back to Tony's melancholy over Earth not reaching past the moon, referring back to a piece of characterization from over a decade ago. It's the type of consistency that shows how strong Ewing's conception of who these are as characters really is.

Speaking of which, this is one of the only moments where Steve Rodgers really worked for me as a character. Not as a coherent idea of an ideal America—"Oh, now the representation of USA is gonna lecture us about working with the larger international community" and all that. It's funny both in context of the history of the space-race and the USA's current fears of losing their place on the cutting edge of technology. But it's excellent at selling Rogers as someone filled with a kind of naive wonder, someone who takes to heart Armstrong's "for all mankind" speech while ignoring the accompanying act of flag-planting. Further, it has Rogers acting within the "mortal among titans" role he's often given within the Avengers, and using it to give a bit of the perspective to how the average Marvel citizen feels—not just about Krakoan advances, but in general about living in a world where so much of the setting's progress just passes them by, inaccessible.

So Marvel will lampshade the whole "the world is filled with superhuman inventors whose tech should have completely transformed society" thing. Sometimes they'll gesture to non-scalable resources, sometimes they'll make a somewhat paternalistic attitude towards society an acknowledged aspect of a genius' character. Hell, sometimes they'll bite the bullet and give the NYPD sci-fi stun guns. But outside what-ifs and various one-off storylines, the majority of non-cape society is planted firmly in the technological possibilities of the contemporary.

What I love about Iron Man: Fatal Frontier is how it positions the genius inventors as being as upset about that as anyone else.

That's just a great direction to approach that detail of Marvel's worldbuilding from. Not explaining away why the great technological revolution hasn't happened, but being quietly disappointed that they haven't created a great technological revolution. It plays well with Ewing's tendencies to play with the whole "illusion of change" thing as something characters notice and react to.

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[OLD ART ALERT] A COLLECTION OF SCENES FROM THE GILLIONS CATSCRATCH ARC THAT BROUGHT ME GREAT JOY. i love fishy chips especially when its just gillion being delirious and violent and hostile

[shorthaltsjester]

re the first three tlovm s3 episode title teaser fr. vex getting [redacted] while standing in front of percy . i will undoubtedly have Thoughts about plot n adaption once the whole season is out but i will say people acting like vex potentially dying again is a betrayal of the arc is . i say this politely. ridiculous. vex’s most common habit aside from haggling and flirting in campaign 1 was being knocked unconscious. she required full ass resurrection spells on four separate occasions. we currently have no idea what the shape of any arc in season 3 will look like beyond broad strokes and teasing shots. if they end up wanting to incorporate the exandrian magic lore of it’s harder to come back each time you die, vex seems like the obvious opportunity to do so. please at the very least save the panic posting for when you actually have something to panic about .

[ruvviks]

finally got around making a proper outfit reference sheet for nathan! he likes wearing dark clothes which really emphasizes just how pale he is. he was a STEM developer at MOBIUS for nine years what did you expect </3 click for higher resolution and to get a closer look at all the details! outfits from left to right: his gear for the evil within 2, 1am convenience store trip, his mobius gear, and an improvised outfit for my own fictional the evil within 3 =^)

taglist (opt in/out)

@shellibisshe, @florbelles, @ncytiri, @hibernationsuit, @stars-of-the-heart;

@lestatlioncunt, @katsigian, @radioactiveshitstorm, @estevnys, @adelaidedrubman;

@celticwoman, @rindemption, @carlosoliveiraa, @noirapocalypto, @dickytwister;

@killerspinal, @euryalex, @ri-a-rose, @velocitic, @thedeadthree;

@jacobseed, @swordcoasts

[suffarustuffaru]

i need to share my very horrible idea to combine the reinhard/julius/otto/subaru boy drama into one julius-centric fic

ok so a little while ago ive made all kinds of ottojuli and reinjuli posts and while i havent finished all my major julisuba posts Yet i am quite fond of julisuba also and i think itd be incredibly funny if you just dumped all of these ships into one story. just go ALL IN on that boy drama!!!! go big or go home amirite!!!! the worlds WORST love trapezoid youve ever seen!!!!

this post is just me rambling fic ideas bc i sadly dont have time for Every Fic Idea and also i just. i just think itd be funny putting multiple ships with the same person in them into one fic. on a serious level its like mimicking real life relationships where sometimes people come and go and you have different dynamics with each person!! on another level i just think this is also very funny so!! here we go. under the cut:

anyway so my idea for this is that you know, julius of course meets reinhard when hes ten and reinhard is eight and then it alters julius's brain chemistry. at first he's in complete awe of reinhard. and then over time the shame starts setting in. that julius isnt as strong as reinhard. and the jealousy sets in a bit too, so julius's got this chip in his shoulder trying to carry his family's legacy and trying to carry the weight of knighthood to be as perfect as possible. to be as close to reinhard as he can. they meet again in their teens and julius shows reinhard the ropes of like basic knight stuff bc reinhard just joined the knights. and of course reinjuli become friends but julius has spent his whole life quietly watching reinhard from afar and now julius still has that distance with reinhard even as theyre supposedly friends now. reinhard is a God, you know? his powers and his leash from the kingdom and his family keep him distant and the two of them are ignoring that. classic homoerotic "do i want him or want to be him" friendship where both of you are too scared to get any closer for various reasons with a Twist (reinhard's very real monster complex that keeps getting validated bc Everyone Around Him thinks hes a monster).

anyway but then julius remembers that you know, shit between reinhard and him wont work out for many reasons, like reinhards family deciding to torment julius at various points in his life (heinkel, whos julius's boss, and reid, who went from julius's childhood idol to. you know.), and also reinhard needs to have kids because hes the sword saint, and also homophobia exists in rezero. and also even if those werent all obstacles julius still has his Complexes connected to reinhard and they got that distance between them so. no go. (repression gets in the way of relationships :((( )

also quick side note is that ex 4 happens and julius reinhard ferris go to vollachia and julius interrupts a meeting with vincent vollachia himself to go "I UNDERSTOOD THAT LITERARY REFERENCE YOU JUST MADE. THATS A REALLY GOOD REFERENCE I LIKED IT A LOT" bc hes a massive nerd and ig this is slightly-more-of-a-disaster-gay julius au so julius is like ............................. vincent was kinda cool for that.

AND THEN SUBARU CRASHES INTO JULIUS'S LIFE and julius is like seeing this guy who's also got a chip in his shoulder and then he insults the knights and says the knights are all depending on their dads (nepotism) and julius is like .......the chip in my shoulder was bad enough and also youre kinda like me fr. and you are clearly a fucking misguided kid so now i have to save your ass. i cant NOT save your ass. and reinhards like "julius and subaru nooo you dont have to do this :((((" and julius cant admit atm that hes also doing this to save subarus life so julius is just like "he disrespected the knights >:(((("

but yes we all know what happened there. julius saves subarus life. julius has to slice subarus throat in that one failed loop. they become friends across several timelines. they also homoerotically share souls, you know, typical bromance things, rivals to lovers except subarus the one going YOURE MY RIVAL and julius is like he is SUCH an upstart. hes really grown on me like a fungus but thats the appeal. and julius i think sees subaru as like a kindred spirit (or at least thats how i interpret julisuba) except subaru is like way more freer than julius is. same desire to prove yourself but subarus not restraining himself constantly like julius. its sometimes to the point of recklessness and general stupidity and what have you, but his boldness and bravery and determination and heart really is admirable.........................

yeah so anyway julius falls for ANOTHER guy again, you know how it is sometimes. the heart wants what it wants and julius is cursed to always have the worst meetings with his closest friends. and of course julius gets heartbroken bc wtf i have to kill my new friend :((( noo!!!! but in the finished loop its like. oh subaru...... hes really improved himself. hes grown so much already. hes kind of. inspirational really. idk how he does it. except subarus you know got that Mystery to him the same way reinhard does (theyre traumatized and Cant Take About It Normally so they just randomly lore drop what they can) and also subarus SUPER into emilia. and julius is like .................... well. subarus taken. haha. and reinhards. taken. fuck me. fuck. and like somethings going on with subaru and rem and emilia right. fuck. and subarus got his whole toxic masculinity / gender crisis..... and he doesnt know hes Bisexual yet...... man. what a loss for julius amirite haha.

and also subarus busy after arc 3........... and julius has no idea whats happening there but that seems Real serious :(( and julius's got other things to attend to so he hopes subaru reaches out to him eventually..... or that they cross paths again since subarus in the emilia camp and julius is in ana camp (and of course reinhard is in felt camp and like that was a whole debacle bc wtf. reinhard, u do know thatd be a big deal to our mutual friend felix?). so. julius pines from afar ONCE AGAIN HAHA.

(also of course subarus still attracted to reinhard here. its um. well julisuba can bond now over pining over reinhard but thats for later also!!)

anyway of course during arc 3 julius briefly runs into some gray haired merchant twink thats being dragged around by subaru bc ana camp rescued this guy from a cave somewhere??? and this new guy and subaru made a deal or whatever so he was just helping out in the background of the fight against sloth??

and whaddya know................ julius goes to drink at a bar bc you know he probably tastes wine for fun in his free time (hes definitely Fond of wine anyway iirc) and now hes Sad over the Ones That Got Away so. bar it is. and gray haired merchant twink is there!! no way. they start talking a bit casually while drinking you know and julius's taste is Unfortunately either the graceful ones (anastasia, because julius has great taste in women) or the cringe fail ones (all the twinks - except for felix - that julius keeps having the wildest first meetings with, because julius has slightly shit taste in men) so julius is like huh this otto guys kinda funny lol. endearing in a weird way!! and -

oops they both end up being a little. they make a little bit of a move on each other. bc they were drinking and got a Bit tipsy. ottos Also not over the one that got away (subaru) (again) and hey. the finest knight truly is. Fine. objectively fine. totally. so you know. things get a little out of hand, maybe they do a bit of cringe fail flirting hidden underneath five million layers of repression and the Horrors of Being Known but ultimately they both embarrass themselves somehow (read: how far they went with each other while under the influence is up to you) and agree to Never Speak of This Again bc oopsies they were both technically each other's first time being Straightforwardly Not Straight with another man. oops. anyway julius has to go back to his camp and otto fucking bolts but he bolts right into subaru and gets his ass dragged into sanctuary drama.

julius is totally not a little bit envious about that.................... about otto getting to accompany subaru to sanctuary... but dont worry julius!! youll get to make up for it later!! bc eventually arc 5 stuff happens. and julius is Glad to see reinhard and subaru again. even with all the Baggage. and subaru is of course Weird about julius but eventually subaru reassures julius after they both confide in each other about the astrea drama (theyre honorary astreas via being dragged into the astrea family mess). and subarus reassuring to julius in a whole new way okay. subaru, whos unrestrained and incapable of being on the down low about anything, and julius, whos always holding himself back with a gazillion layers of repression, starts learning to let go a bit...

but also juliotto meet again. its terribly awkward and they both agreed to never speak of their awkward encounters again. subaru is going ??? and reinhard is clueless. otto then also goes to save reinhard and felt from heinkel trying to take felt hostage, which was also terribly awkward but reinhard and felt are grateful about it (but lbr if reinhard and otto knew each other deeper reinhard would maybe be a little. Apprehensive. around otto while otto would be sympathetic with reinhard bc hes like male emilia). but then while otto manages not to get erased by gluttony....... julius gets erased. of course. which you know results in being forgotten by reinhard in julius's THIRD first meeting ever with reinhard. and subarus the only one who remembers him of course.

then arc 6 happens :,))))) and julius of course has to confront his ideas of knighthood, his identity, his self esteem, and who he is outside of His Name. and also julius gets his ass beat by reid. his childhood idol. who reinhard KNEW was a shitty person but never ever told julius (whether this is because reinhard wanted to spare julius's hero worship or because reinhard never got the chance to tell julius is hard to say lajdsf). but julius does get to triumphantly win in the end!! grow as a person!!! learn to undo a bit of that repression and not hold himself to impossible standards all the time!! hes growing still!!! hes finally solidified his friendships with people like subaru and emilia!! hes remaking his relationship with anastasia!! hes asserted himself, hes planning on going to meet reinhard again one day and duel him!! things are looking up even if its still bittersweet that he doesnt have his name back yet!! does this mean?? perhaps?? a HAPPY ENDING?? julius can have the two men (reinhard and subaru) he admires the most in his life?????? as friends???? or as boyfriends?????? slowburn mutual pining????????????????????????????????????????

and then comes. arc 8 otto. that piece of shit.

julius is very much someone who has to grapple with the weight of the expectations that people throw at him. and also reinhard is someone who May envy julius a bit, but there's also you know, joshua and subaru with the Explicit Envy and (past) resentment because theyre placing heavy expectations on julius!! theyre pointing blame at julius!! julius is trying to find himself outside of stuff like that, especially after arc 6, but he's still got stuff to work on you know? he still has duties to fulfill!! loyalty that he has to act on bc hes gotta help subaru and co in arc 8!! and then in comes otto.

otto is also someone with expectation placed on him, but its Different. ottos mostly a nobody and when hes Not a nobody, his reputation tends to be Derogatory. hes a menace. hes a bad luck charm. hes grappling with the fact that he has to keep being left behind - post-arc 5 bc he was injured, but also repeatedly during arcs 7 and 8 because hes too physically weak to be on the same playing field as emilia or garfiel or subaru on the battlefield. he feels Useless after placing his identity on the expectation that hes Dependable and Useful.

julius is a bit more on even ground with otto now that julius is. also mostly a nobody bc his name is still gone. and also julius had to deal with having that part of his identity crushed. julius tried to be useful over and over in arc 6 only to get his ass repeatedly curb stomped by reid in the beginning. he was a nobody. he wasnt dependable anymore. and also otto is that one guy he had a Passing Fling with over having The Ones Who Got Away and julius was still vaguely hopeful about maybe being pals at least but ottos brushed him off a bit since arc 5. theyre like each others secrets you know? and now otto doesnt know that shit - julius is the only one who Knows - and otto also hates julius's fucking guts now. over SUBARU. and julius has been through this whole rodeo clown circus with arc 3 subaru so this is an absolutely terrible ride through memory lane.

and this is julius's THIRD twink that hates him for terribly unfair reasons. julius is very tired and a bit heartbroken in this au trying to pretend it doesnt bother him. on one level it doesnt. bc ottos pathetic and clearly Overcompensating for Something. on another level it kinda does bc julius had a Thing going with otto. and otto is the complete opposite of julius. like hes different from the other guys julius has liked.

julisuba is about complimentary opposites - they appear Extremely Different at first glance but theyre very similar. theyre people who try to look and act bigger than they are, people who keep reaching to be The Best, to be Perfect, because theyre overcompensating. theyre worried their entire identity is only built off of trying to be bigger than the shadow that other people in their lives (like their families) cast. but they cant reach perfection. and julius is like subaru but if subaru tried to really make himself "refined" - if he tried to stop putting his heart on his sleeve all the time. reinsuba are very similar too. theyre very refined knights who try to keep themselves in check at all times while the weight of the world is on their shoulders. they cant have a hair out of place. except julius is like the "smaller" version of reinhard. julius is less powerful. its like comparing a human and a "god" - reinhard, whos untouchable. but its a double edged sword, because julius gets to be a normal person, because half the expectation placed on him is also purely from himself, while reinhard isnt. reinhard isnt Free. hes on a leash by the kingdom and his family. julius even gets his kind of "celebrity" status stolen from him via the loss of his name. hes truly kind of Normal now - julius is like if reinhard didnt have his crazy abilities and had a little more of a chance to be free.

otto? yeah otto is. very very far from all of that. hes so obviously imperfect that most of his reputation, when its brought up, is just him being known as a mess who's caused various forms of chaos everywhere he goes. either that or hes just. There. Invisible. very very average. and otto is someone who wants a nice comfortable life, someone who wants to fit in - julius and subaru arent Exactly like that, and while reinhard also wants to be normal, ottos the one who has more of an opportunity. but he doesnt. because otto Dooms Himself by being recklessly cutthroat. otto is like if subaru was just. More of an asshole, so ottojuli would just be a rather Extreme Challenge for julius to have to deal with HAH. and normally otto is someone who repays how people treat him - a very "you treat me like this, i'll treat you the same way in turn" kind of deal, except ottos developed a vendetta against julius and its basically like if subaru never let go of his arc 3 julius vendetta.

yes so anyway. etc etc stuff probably happens but i ran out of ideas lajdlfjasdf i just think combining ALL the boy drama and recontextualizing + adding to canon would be. batshit crazy. and terribly entertaining. im so sorry julius but i want to see you crack a bit under the pressure. reinjuli as a ship is like tragic gay yearning that never goes anywhere past being friends with quiet homoerotic tension, then julisuba is. you know. extreme rivals to lovers, starts out Rough but then ends up being super super sweet and theyre Trying their best underneath the self esteem issues. and then ottojuli is. toxic yaoi at its finest (pun intended). you get Every flavor of mlm possible!!

ok so you may be asking "ok what would you even name this fic then" and to that i say that this would be called To All the Boys I've Loved Before.

anyway i really wanna write this idea someday ill inform you guys (if youre reading this and are Interested) if it ever happens :< so. in conclusion this is just julius the entire time throughout all of these events:

[artheresy]

I haven't finished the quests from 2.4 just yet, but I have already so many thoughts that I can just barely keep contained especially about Huaiyan, Yunli, Yingxing and just sm too much in fact, I'm dying rn

[sciderman]

(Idk if someone asked this already) since we’re on the topic of gender

sci what is gender to you and how do you see it in you and how you express it in your art?? (Just a young queer artist who wants some light shined upon them 🥺)

i 'unno ¯\_(ツ)_/¯