#and to not be discouraged by that fact

[snailsreblogmaybe]

i don't know who needs to hear this, but you have to allow yourself to start somewhere.

you will not understand that thing you are trying to learn or unlearn overnight, and that is to be expected.

you will keep working on it, and likely, it will take years at least, alright?

but you have to allow yourself to start, even if you slip up and forget and fall back on your old habits. even if it keeps happening - today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year.

that isn't a sign that it isn't working and that it isn't worth it. the brain can be a stubborn stickler for the ideas it's been brought up with, but it learned those old habits somehow too. that began somewhere.

you will get through this. you will see the old habits everywhere around you everyday, but you will get better at noticing them, and understanding why they exist or existed. you will get better at not relying on them, and looking for options that do help you get to where you want to be.

it will be tough, but you will get through this.

you always have.

[bugflies00]

finding old dsmp animatics i used to watch is so... man i miss getting so fucking excited about it all. that period of late 2020/early 2021 when everything was blowing up so fast was so EXCITING like everything was possible yknow what i mean.... Swagever

thanks to that playlist the anon posted heres a handful of my old faves that i'd forgotten about so Take them . im hosting a group dsmp animatic rewatch session so we can all feel something

this is part 1 of the post because theres a limit for links... homophobic website

[youling-the-ghost]

Gosh I love small fandoms where everyone is equally insane and everyone's just making references to the source material.

Like, I can go "y'all I just saw a badger, I sure hope he doesn't become King of England" and everyone will get what I'm talking about while people who aren't in the fandom are confused as shit.

[nsfwarros1]

drawing nsfw is so discouraging tbh because I can only post it here cropped (people often dont even look at the full one) or on mfing twitter which is. yeah

[hobgoblinns]

the inherent homoeroticism of having your mind telepathically invaded by your oldest friend and enemy whom you thought was long dead as he reluctantly pleads for your help, causing you to immediately rush to his aid even if it means revisiting your most traumatic memory

[heartbeatbookclub]

I was looking at a few posts about autism (as one does) and it just suddenly clicked into place a fundamental thing about Yuri's character that I'd been grasping at, but hadn't really been able to adequately identify. I still have a much longer and more thorough analysis going through a whole lot of my thoughts on Yuri's character and her experience of autism that i'm working on (of which this will likely be a component), but I thought I'd share this separately just to emphasize.

Post I saw which made this click for me was making fun of the fact that most media depicting impaired empathy in autistic characters explicitly depicts them with this unflappable confidence of never having been rejected by people they love. The crux of this is that in actual reality, autistic people almost always have that experience at some point, for some behavior, for reasons they don't really understand. "There is an invisible line where people will get sick of you, and you have no warning of when you're about to cross it." So frequently, autistic people attempt to ride a razor thin edge, walking on constant eggshells to desperately attempt to avoid crossing that line.

Very often autistic people will attempt to avoid doing anything at all which could be considered weird, or off-putting, and will try their absolute hardest to do things in a way that is acceptable to other people, sometimes to the point of outright suppressing their emotions, because they are afraid that they'll say something just wrong enough that the people they care about will push them away, and they don't understand WHY it happened, but they know it's THEIR fault. Sometimes masking is fighting to appear aloof all the time because you can't regulate your emotions in a way that is acceptable to other people.

And holy fucking Jesus, that fits the exact mold of what I've been trying to talk about with the particular way Yuri's anxieties manifest.

It really feels to me like Yuri has this constant fear of breaking the "rules" of socializing, despite not really understanding what those rules even are. She's constantly afraid of saying something wrong, when she doesn't even know what wrong would be, she's just sure everyone ELSE will know it when they hear it. I think a huge part of her social anxiety comes from her own understanding of herself as a very weird person who doesn't really get a lot of how to socialize, and it seems to me like she's probably dealt with her fair share of social rejection and isolation based on those traits. She then felt she had to take responsibility for those traits, probably because it's the one thing she can change, and she is the one common denominator in all of these bad situations (This is something which is pretty common, actually! "Everyone else can socialize just fine, and I have so much difficulty with it! I must just be broken in some way. I have to try super hard to be normal to make friends!")

I think a big part of why it's so apparent in the Literature Club is because she really thinks she's found a place where she can make friends in spite of all of her issues, so when she starts...being herself, and receives even the smallest HINT of pushback, she overcorrects and tries to rein all of herself in to fix her "mistake", because she really wants to make friends here, and doesn't want them to reject her as well.

She's had this experience of others pushing her away for being weird so often that, coupled with her acknowledged trouble for reading situations, when anybody responds poorly to something and she recognizes it, she immediately overcorrects out of fear of being an annoying burden to everyone around her, and that "correction" consists of suppressing herself into being "normal" (or at least "less weird"), because she believes nobody could actually like her just for being who she is. There's something wrong with her fundamentally, and to make friends, for people to like her and want to be around her, she has to "fix" herself.

it's just, like...

it's really hard for me to interpret Yuri's character that doesn't involve her being somewhere on the spectrum, bros. she's written with such delicately constructed autistic coding, despite the appearance of just being a hackneyed weird girl visual novel trope. she deserves the world.......

[priceofreedom]

every day i go to tw!tter and every day i see my gifs reposted <3

[bloos-bloo]

Sorry for going quiet, been busy- here’s some art I did today

[painted-bees]

reading through your hinote tags it was interesting to learn that Raf still likes preforming and even misses playing large shows, but avoids getting sucked back into it. As an adult, you'd think he could just return to preforming on his own terms and play any stage he wants. Does a fear of success keeps him away from it? Sorry if this was already explained somewhere and I missed it.

Sssorta haha! He doesn't want to gain too much traction and attract media attention, because it'll inevitably liken his current career/his current self to his past...And almost none of the things he had said about himself, very few of the views he presented in interviews and such, none of it was really him, what he believed, what he liked, or how he, himself, wanted to be perceived. He likes playing the character on stage, but hates the notion of that character following him and being projected onto him in day to day life. On one hand, he doesn't want random people to see him and know him accurately--which is why the stage persona is so great. But on the other hand, the media personality his mother curated is too far removed from his own tastes and sensibilities, that it feels like an ill-fitting skin and makes him physically uncomfortable to be identified as and associated with it. Increased visibility as a performer would kinda force him to contend with that in a way he really would rather not. It's not worth it for him. AND he does not want to attract his family's attention. He doesn't want them contacting him about his career. He wants to be as tiny and invisible to them as possible.

Secondly, and more acutely, though--his symptoms after a show--any show--really suck. He gets nervous leading up to a performance, but it's usually perfectly manageable. He's normally in relatively good spirits about it. Then on stage, he gets a nice little thrill and the feeling of "man, yeah! I need to let myself do this more often!" But then, once the show is over, he's in the backstage bathroom vomiting, and spends the next week struggling to recover from a depressed hangover with 0 motivation, energy, or excitement for anything. He hasn't...figured out how to avoid this extremely consistent pattern. It's weird, because he feels fine during the performance, even if there's a break in between or some such. But as soon as it's properly over, the nerves hit him hard--and once the anxiety passes, he's just an exhausted, deflated, apathetic husk with a very, very low mood about it. That's what kinda keeps him off the stage, and prevents him from doing shows on any kind of consistent basis. He can only really commit to doing them if he's feeling really good about things--and if he can afford the inevitable "crash" week that always follows. If that were less of an ailment for him, he might be more inclined to at least humor the idea of reinventing his persona and returning to musical performance on a more serious/professional/consistent basis. Alas.

[ante--meridiem]

"I knew I didn't want to stay in academia because I want to do something useful" wish I could say the same. Unfortunately I do not sincerely enough want to do something useful. Maybe I want to want to do something useful. Probably most accurately I want to want to want to do something useful.

[lloydgaymerdyke]

@ccarrot

op here, never ever apologize for shipping llorumi. this is a llorumi stan account. this is a llorumi safe space. the ninjago fandom is war but not eye, no no. i know llorumi is peak. it is the only thing i have ever truly believed down to my core. they are my toxic yuri.

[loadednachosao3]

when you boop me this is who you're booping. btw

[holygroundgone]

Thinking about how Chu Wanning's love for Mo Ran is so fundamental to him that despite never intentionally desiring a relationship with him and purposely distances himself he still honors his love and expresses it constantly in the most subtle and unspoken of ways (snuffing out incense when mo ran is around, keeping the brocade pouch and treasuring the handkerchief and any gifts from mo ran in general in secret, trying to indulge and engage in his interests by infodumping what he knows about the dishes they're eating, intentionally giving him the dumpling with the coin in it)

[caregivingchrysalises]

oh beloved, i’m here, papa’s here, *softly cups your cheek with my hand* starlight hey, we’re alright, we’re going to get through this, i know it feels icky right now, but it won’t feel this way forever~ buba also knows how silly that sounds as you’re sitting in that sadness, i promise i do~ you’re doing the best you can i know you are love. *taking your hand and holding it* expressing your feelings is something to be proud of blossom, your feelings don’t make you weak~ and they certainly don’t change the way i love you. i will always be here to dry your tears or quell your fears my love, ‘tala isn’t going anywhere angel, i’ll be right here when you need me sweetheart.

[68spidey]

The artistic urge to sit and appreciate how far your art has come while simultaneously wanting to rip your work apart and eat it like a rabid bear for not being perfect

[fossilizedhysterics]

i dont have the energy to write a whole post abt it so have me live tweeting while i watched the new video 🙏