#and to me it seems as though they analyze and consume it by reading it at its most base level

[skyloftian-nutcase]

for writing requests, the chain givin wars a big ol group hug and letting him cry cus let’s be honest bro is not holding up well

Sunsets were always Sky’s favorite.

It was strange, how much a moment in time could change something like that, though. A few evenings ago, the sunset was stained blood read, dripping with anguish and fear, held together by a firm hand and guidance. It hadn’t come from their leader, however - the Hero of Time had been completely consumed by worry over Twilight’s condition, and Sky hadn’t blamed him for it, particularly after finding out they had a blood connection.

But after that initial horrifying sunset, Sky found that the dusk brought only exhaustion and melancholy, a worry that there would be another sunset that would stain the sky with blood.

Sighing, the young knight glanced out his window and saw the person he’d been looking for. While Time had been by Twilight’s side that entire evening, there had been another Hero who everyone had heavily relied on. Sky had tried to mediate and help as best he could as well, but he paled in comparison, certainly in terms of leadership capabilities.

But everything had a toll. Sky could see it well enough.

Exiting the inn, Sky heard the gentle serenade of crickets filling the air as the sun disappeared beyond the horizon. The town was not as peaceful and quiet as camping out in the woods, but it held a warm sense of safety that they usually didn’t have the luxury to enjoy. Any town gave Sky a small degree of anxiety, as they were all foreign to him, but settlements like this put the captain at ease far more than anyone else.

At least Sky knew Warriors could get some peace somewhere. It was obvious the man was trying to seek it.

Warriors heard Sky’s approach, turning his head slightly. His sharp eyes were analyzing him in an instant.

“Hey,” Sky greeted softly, trying to settle the man’s worries; he’d been on high alert ever since Twilight’s injury, and he’d yet to calm down. It had been three days since then. “I just wanted to check on you.”

Warriors blinked, baffled a moment, not expecting such a remark, and then he huffed out a small laugh. “Me? I’m alright. Are you?”

Him? Sky was fine. Sky was always fine. He honestly didn’t feel much of anything anymore, except that sunsets made him anxious. He hoped that would settle eventually, as he did love them. “I’m okay. But I just… you’ve been on edge, you know. Since everything. Do you… our Ordonian is going to be okay now. They said so. You know that, right?”

“Of course I know that,” Warriors replied, his smile fading, voice growing slightly snappish.

“It’s just… you’re not acting like you know that,” Sky continued carefully. “You’re… anything sets you off. Everything has to be in perfect order, everyone has to be on their best behavior. You know? I just… wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Warriors watched him for a long time, face blank. His eyes steadily moved downward until they were staring at nothing, boring a hole in the cobblestone beneath Sky’s feet. The Skyloftian waited patiently, knowing when to be silent and let someone else process. Eventually, the captain sighed heavily.

“You were a great help that night,” Warriors said softly. “I wanted to thank you.”

“It was nothing,” Sky brushed off. “That’s not answering my question.”

Warriors huffed ruefully in response. “You’re not usually this persistent.”

“No,” Sky admitted. “But I’m not usually this worried, either.”

The captain’s eyes finally snapped back up to meet Sky’s. His stony expression softened, and he smiled gently. “I said I’m alright.”

“You can be, yeah,” Sky commented. “Like… you don’t have to wrangle everyone in now, you know. I’m here. Our leader’s getting back into, well… leading. It’s okay to step back.”

Something in the captain’s expression wasn’t quite readable, a kind of strange gentle amusement and haunting sadness. Sky wasn’t sure what to do about it. So he just walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. Warriors seemed both inquisitive and slightly apprehensive at the touch, so Sky asked to be sure, “Can I hug you?”

The captain looked as if he didn’t even know what to say with such a request. He blinked once, twice, before a breathy laugh escaped his lips, eyes holding a tenderness to them that Sky wasn’t sure he’d ever seen in them. “Yeah. Yeah, you can.”

Sky smiled in return, leaning in and letting the captain wrap his arms around him. Sky gave what he received, not squeezing too tightly when Warriors’ embrace was hesitantly gentle. As they stood there, though, it seemed like the older knight settled into his predicament a bit more, letting himself relax as Sky held him tighter. Being a little shorter, Sky settled his ear against Warriors’ shoulder, and the gesture made the captain shift a little, resting his own head against Sky’s. His breath was shaky a moment, and Sky heard him swallow thickly.

It only lasted a few moments, but it was enough. Sky ached for the contact, honestly, and wished he could hug him more, but he knew better than to push the matter. Slowly, the two pulled apart. If Warriors’ face was a little more flushed than before, neither of them commented on it.

“Thanks, Sky,” the captain said quietly.

Sky’s smile was brighter than the sunset. “Anytime.”

[absolutebl]

Given the wide range of BL you've consumed and analyzed. I am curious at your perspective when comparing BLs made/written by men and those that were written by women, in a different direction, comparing BLs directed by men in comparison to women.

If you could have the time and give your perspective in this two sources of BL , that would be great.

Hum, I'm not sure how to answer this. Except in a kind of avoidance way because I question the premise.

I think, in general, in most of the film industry, the original writing has very little to do with the final result, because so many new voices and povs are imposed on it the moment it begins to be adapted. After a BL leaves its author (predominantly female) it goes to script, a writers room, and eventually into the hands of director and team. All those people are different genders (predominantly male). And all of them have a significant impact on the end result.

Sometimes the author has unprecedented influence (mame for example) but that's pretty unusual.

Statistically speaking, the origin IP (whether novel or graphic) is most likely written by a female and the resulting BL most likely directed by a male.

There are always exceptions, of course.

Even putting aside all the other people, mostly script writers, in between the two primaries (which I just don't think you can) it would be statistically challenging to draw any commonalities amongst female directors (since there are so few) or amongst male writers (for the same reason). In other words, we have many many examples of really only 1 of the 4 possible combinations, and all those examples are muddied by the nature of the filming process (not to mention the nature of gender).

In other words, it would be challenging for me to say things are generally preferable in any one version of the pairings.

I have liked BLs written and directed by women, written by a woman directed by a man, written by a man directed by a woman, or written and directed by men (although those last two I would struggle to name any BLs).

However, I have also liked and then disliked BLs from the same general team and combination of genders behind the creatives.

For me, at least, there doesn't seem to be a reliable team or a reliable writer or a reliable director whose BL product I will reliably love.

I would hesitate to place a predictor on my BL taste (or anyone else's) based on the gender of any part of the team behind a BL. That seems..... weird. Especially when queers and 3rd gender etc are involved (and we have always been involved in artistic spaces for as long as humans have existed, I suspect).

But then I feel that way about most entertainment, from music to books to plays to comedy to fashion. I can be a fan of a director's style but not like some of their shows, just as I can be a fan of an actor's performance but not the character they're playing, or a fan of a pair's chemistry but not in those roles, and so forth.

I think what youth and influencers and the internet age has forgotten is that it's okay to admire a creative individual and not slavishly adore everything that they produce. (For fuck's sake though, don't tell them that, you absolute troll.)

Creatives and creative teams also have their own taste, and that may conflict with yours. Especially with newer IP where you might want the same old same old and they need to evolved. Consumers of entertainment are remarkably resistant to creativity, innovation, and change (so oxymoronic) .

It's okay, maybe you'll like their next BL, song, book, painting, performance......

I have no idea how I got here but:

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

I do have some stuff on a queer lens here:

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

Question: since Eowyn and Eomer have the same parents (read: Eomund’s hothead genes), do you believe Eowyn would be just as hotheaded as her brother if she were a man? As a lady, there were different expectations of her, so perhaps that’s why we don’t get to see much of that hotheadedness?

Ooh, thinking about what someone with Éowyn’s personality but who was born into the opportunities and freedoms that men had is a really interesting exercise! Thanks for asking! ❤️

I do believe Éowyn had those same hothead genes, and I actually think that we can already see them in her in the canonical story. She doesn’t have all the same opportunity as a man to show it, but she does repeatedly act impulsively and decisively; is very brave and heedless of danger; is very consumed with realizing her own goals to the exclusion of other considerations, etc. — all characteristics that are definitely hothead-adjacent.

When Aragorn unexpectedly appears in Rohan, representing everything that Éowyn wants to be and do and achieve, she wastes very little time before she is literally begging him to take her away with him. She’s immediately willing to throw overboard almost everything about her life to date to follow a man she barely knows into a situation that she doesn’t fully understand. That’s not exactly careful, rational decision making (even if we, as readers, don’t disagree with her choice!). We also famously see her boldly defy the orders of her father figure and king by sneaking into battle on her own — and with an unauthorized hobbit in tow! — not because she made a reasoned calculation about what was best for Rohan or Théoden or herself but simply because she was so singularly focused on her own goal. So again, even if we are entirely sympathetic to that decision and in retrospect know that it was the right one, that’s got some clear hothead vibes that go with it. 

She also repeatedly courts death, mouths off to the Witch King himself (“be gone, foul dwimmerlaik, lord of carrion!”) and laughs in his face, demands to be put back into battle as soon as she’s awake again in the houses of healing even though she doesn’t know anything about how conditions have changed since her injury, and is a little bristle-y with Faramir in some of their early interactions, jumping to her own conclusions about what he thinks and means when he speaks to her. All of that feels consistent to me with someone who is quick to their emotions, recklessly brave, and willing to act without sitting around to carefully analyze a situation first. She even talks about herself as being ungentle and a wild woman that others might seek to tame, which suggests to me that she also saw herself as embodying many of those same hotheads traits — bold, unconventional, potentially dangerous, etc. 

So I think she and Éomer both show some signs of hotheadedness throughout the story, and I think they show that a little hotheadedness isn’t always a bad thing! Éomund just had way too much of it and was impervious to being curbed, whereas Éomer takes advice when it’s given and Éowyn comes to see that acting with more deliberateness (as Faramir does) isn’t a bad thing either.

But all that leaves open to question whether Éowyn would have been an even bigger hothead if she had been a man. I see two possibilities there. Either her personality would have been exactly the same but the effect of her actions and behavior would have been magnified (making Lord Éowyn SEEM like a bigger hothead than Lady Éowyn) because a male version of her would have had more opportunities to follow his impulses and cause a ruckus. OR, perhaps some of her instincts would have actually been dampened a little bit by the additional freedoms of life as a man — without some of the (entirely justified!!!) resentment and frustrations that Lady Éowyn felt, perhaps Lord Éowyn would have been a bit mellower. I’m inclined toward a middle ground — some of the latter, but with the clear stipulation that even then Lord Éowyn was NEVER going to be an entirely cool, collected cucumber because that’s just not his core personality or how this family works! 

All my own 2 cents of course. I’d be very curious to hear others’ thoughts as well! 

[ntaras]

Bi-Han Analysis

Though the primary focus of this analysis is Bi-Han, I also do analyze Kuai Liang a bit. This analysis is also mostly for me to put my general thoughts together, so the formatting is a bit hard to read and messy. 

This analysis is not written with the datamined dlc story in mind, so for the love of god do not bring that up if you want to respond to this post. I also hate the way the brothers and the Sub-Zero vs. Scorpion rivalry was presented, but I’m writing this analysis with an attempt at avoiding placing criticism in the center (because I do have a lot of criticism that does conflict with this analysis.) 

Also, this is not meant to prove Bi-Han as “not evil”, because no, he isn’t, but he’s still an antagonist who’s making very bad choices. Also I talk about my own speculation regarding Bi-Han’s relationship with his father, and I want to make clear that I’m not trying to paint their father in a bad light because he is not canonically presented as abusive or evil. It comes off like that, but that’s not my intention. I’m too lazy to rewrite that portion of the analysis so this is just a heads up. 

Bi-Han is a walking self-sabotaging tragedy, and with Kuai Liang as Scorpion, they were doomed from the start for their relationship to shatter. You have the eldest brother: Sub-Zero, who feels forced into submission and forced to conceal his “true worth”. You have the younger brother: Scorpion, who watches his older brother be consumed by his desperation to be something, and stands unsure of how to help him. 

Bi-Han’s desire for power is the highlight of his character. His and the Lin Kuei’s role as Earthrealm’s defenders isn’t something that satisfies him- it isn’t something that shows his worth. He thinks he’s worth more than simply hiding in the shadows, waiting, and waiting for threats to emerge. Defending Earthrealm brings him no value, but perhaps taking part in ruling it would give him value (Sub-Zero: “You wield the power I aspire to be” Sindel: “Too bad you’re unfit for it, Sub-Zero.”) He wants to bring the Lin Kuei to the light, show that his clan is deserving of power. (From his bio: “Under his leadership, the Lin Kuei will come out of the shadows and fight for its place as one of Earthrealm’s great nations.”) 

I’m really emphasizing the word “shadow”. It’s an obvious reference to Noob Saibot, and it seems like the story is going for the route that Bi-Han is already someone in the dark, yet he doesn’t view himself to be in the dark. (Scorpion: “A shadow’s fallen on your soul.” Sub-Zero: “No, brother. I’ve seen the light.”) As the darkness envelops Bi-Han, he can only see that darkness as the light. 

Bi-Han refuses to see himself in the wrong, and even says his ambition is confused for evil. (Ashrah: “There are many in the Netherrealm just like you.” Sub-Zero: “You conflate ambition with evil, Ashrah.”) That dialogue also implies that Bi-Han does not believe he will end up in the Netherrealm for his actions, because he doesn’t view himself or his actions as “evil”. Everything he’s done has been for the better- has been for the good of the Lin Kuei. 

I wondered why Bi-Han was so loyal to the Lin Kuei in this timeline, as in previous timelines Bi-Han’s loyalty to his clan was because he was kidnapped by that clan, and conditioned to be their warrior (but still agreed to help Raiden and save Earthrealm.) So why is Bi-Han so loyal to the Lin Kuei in this timeline? 

This is more speculation than an analysis I can support with hard evidence, but if you’re asking what I personally think, I’d like the case to be that there was something deeper going on. That somehow, his father put so much pressure on Bi-Han (not intentional pressure) as the future Grandmaster and a protector of Earthrealm, Bi-Han ending up warping that role as “protector of Earthrealm” into his own desire for the Lin Kuei to show all their true ability is to not defend Earthrealm- but govern Earthrealm. Why must their efforts go unrecognized if their role is so important? Also this plays into his role as the first born son, the eldest child who ends up being the one responsible for their younger siblings. As the eldest, he knows what is best for his siblings. As Grandmaster, he knows what is best for the Lin Kuei. 

All the dialogue regarding their father paints him in a good light- even dialogue from Bi-Han. Bi-Han never once accuses his father as being abusive in some manner, but only as weak and lacking vision. So, there is no denying that he was a good man, but he’s still a man of mistakes, such as being the man indirectly responsible for the murder of Tomas’s family. The fact that that murder happened in the first place does raise a lot of questions about the inner workings of the Lin Kuei and how their father led the Lin Kuei.  

It does feel like their father’s death is still not fully revealed. His death is only referred to as an “accident” and not delved into further besides Bi-Han allowing him to die. (Scorpion: “I want to see the moment my father died.” Geras: “You are not ready to receive that knowledge.”) That could mean that there is more to his death, Kuai Liang isn’t ready to see that moment because he’d get all raged up, or it could mean nothing because that’s how a lot of dialogue is. 

The way their father led the Lin Kuei- and how the Lin Kuei has always been in this new era, was by teaching them to be submissive (to follow rather than lead.) And in Bi-Han’s eyes: weak. 

The fact that Bi-Han didn’t kill his father, but instead let him die, is fascinating. We can also compare that act, to how Bi-Han is submissive to Liu Kang until he’s away from Liu Kang and listens to Shang Tsung. ALSO, it’s interesting how Bi-Han doesn’t listen to Shang Tsung’s offer until he is in chains. Even if he let his father die, Bi-Han still was loyal to Liu Kang nor did he change the Lin Kuei in any way (we also do not know how recently their father died, so he may have not even had the time yet to drastically change the Lin Kuei on his own, but I think that’s besides the point). He aches for the right moment to “step up”- to separate himself from what he believes binds him. 

We see Liu Kang keep Bi-Han from being “too antagonistic”. After Liu Kang calls Bi-Han and Kuai Liang over in chapter 1, we see Bi-Han get hostile towards Kung Lao and try to advance towards him, but is stopped by Liu Kang. He glances at Liu Kang, wanting to bark back, but keeps quiet. In chapter 2, Liu Kang looks at Bi-Han when he yells “enough!” and Bi-Han quickly bows in apology. 

He keeps that loyalty to Liu Kang, until he is physically in chains, until he is physically shackled. He does not want to be prisoner to that loyalty of submission anymore. 

His submission to his father’s ruling of the Lin Kuei and Liu Kang’s Godhood is something he doesn’t want, because he feels like he is worth more than submission. He doesn’t want to be treated “so lowly".” He wants recognition for his skills- he’s eager to show himself off and prove that yes, he is a warrior.

If Liu Kang had chosen Bi-Han to be champion, then mayhaps this desire for power and self-sabotage Bi-Han participates in would have been avoided. However, it’s understandable why Liu Kang didn’t choose Bi-Han to be champion despite clearly having the talent to be one: Bi-Han always dies at a tournament. He didn’t want to risk Bi-Han’s death, and then the resurrection of Noob Saibot (or a falling out between Kuai Liang- Scorpion- and Bi-Han that resulted in Kuai Liang killing Bi-Han). But, it seems Bi-Han set himself down that dark path anyways. 

Now, onto Kuai Liang and a brief look into the relationship between the three brothers. 

The story fails at showing us that the three brothers do care about each other, but it’s just barely there. 

In Kuai Liang’s bio, it states two things: “...though he took pride in knowing that his brother, Sub-Zero, would succeed their father as the Lin Kuei's Grandmaster.” and “...he fears that may one day have to battle his brother for control of the Lin Kuei’s legacy.” He views Bi-Han as Grandmaster with pride, and is scared of having to fight him- scared of choosing duty over his brother. 

Kuai Liang verbally tells Bi-Han multiple times to “watch himself”- reminding Bi-Han of his duty (honoring their father) and questioning Bi-Han’s roughness with Johnny Cage. You do see Kuai Liang keeping an eye out on Bi-Han (as he states later in the game, he was aware of Bi-Han’s frustrations). Kuai Liang doesn’t even mind Bi-Han’s ambitions, as evident in the scene where they enter the treasure chamber. “There will be spoils in this war,” says Bi-Han as Kuai Liang does not chastise him for wanting those “spoils”, but responds with “let us win it first, brother.” 

If I’m being honest, I don’t even think Bi-Han was referring to the actual treasure as “spoils”, but rather the glory that treasure holds. Bi-Han doesn’t really have a desire for treasure, especially a bunch of coins, so I couldn’t really view him as having an actual desire for some coins and gems. And I think Kuai Liang’s response was him answering Bi-Han’s hidden desires- that Bi-Han can achieve his desire to “shine” after they finish their job. For Bi-Han to achieve his ambitions, he must earn it first. 

Up until the reveal of Bi-Han letting their father die, Kuai Liang is incredibly patient with Bi-Han. 

Regarding Tomas and Bi-Han’s relationship: Bi-Han doesn’t hate Tomas! Their relationship is complex with Tomas being the youngest brother and being adopted into the family, but it’s not wrong to say Bi-Han does care about him (as clearly evident by the “You are both unharmed?” comment).

I really do think Bi-Han being the eldest sibling is important to his character. It’s a role that brings him frustration as he cannot get his younger siblings to listen to him (them “abandoning” him and the LIn Kuei), and loses control over them. His anger is harsh towards Tomas, as is “what he gets” for being the younger brother, yet Tomas still cares for Bi-Han despite Bi-Han stating Tomas is not Lin Kuei. 

Bi-Han, in all his cruelness and frustration, cares about his brothers. And they care about Bi-Han. It’s evident in the fact that the brothers are so adamant on being the ones to kill/capture the other, not allowing anyone else “the privilege”. They are deeply hurt by the others' betrayal, and any hatred that comes from them is out of a broken heart. 

Kuai Liang did try to kill Bi-Han. After Bi-Han reveals that he allowed their father to die, Kuai Liang loses it, and knocks Bi-Han down, and you see him raise his chains ready to kill Bi-Han. Kuai Liang would have regretted it. He was in a moment of seering, blind rage, allowing his emotions to fully take over him. You know he would have regretted it, because in their confrontation outside the temple, Kuai Liang doesn’t kill Bi-Han. And if I’m being honest, I don’t even think that Kuai Liang knew he almost killed Bi-Han. 

“You are my Grandmaster no longer.” Not, “you are my brother no longer.” Kuai Liang disowns Bi-Han as his leader, but not as his brother. Even if Bi-Han shed his own brother’s blood, Kuai Liang cannot truly renounce his own blood. It’s their bond and their curse as brothers- as Sub-Zero and Scorpion: they are forever connected by rivalry and siblinghood. 

Their love is deep, but their hatred is even deeper. But is it not the same when it comes to siblings? Is that cruelty not the same as a loving embrace?

[bluemoonscape]

I'M HERE AGAIN TO BOTHER YOU

may I have. Some songs. And lyrics. You'd like to associate with my son thank you (no need to reply to this it's fine I just love overanalyzing over lyrics)

I LOVE ANALYZING LYRICS TOO POOKIE, BOTHER ME ANYTIME, I need a break from reading a textbook. On US politics. And it’s an online textbook so I can’t feel the paper and engage myself. My brain is melting

In my mind, THE Faust song would be “I’m Your Man��� by Mitski. I said it in my last Faust post and I’ll say it again *grabs and shakes you* DOG SYMBOLISM. Faust, when he finds reason to invest himself in somebody, can’t do such a thing in small measure. He puts his entire being into it to the point where he risks destroying himself. He sees Will as his salvation; by being the kind of person for Will that he could’ve used long ago, he can save him, and by this logic, save himself. This comes across perfectly in those opening lines: “You’re an angel, I’m a dog / Or you’re a dog and I’m your man / You believe me like a God / I betray you like I am.”

And in the Hannibal verse for him, if Will marries Molly as per the canon in S3, Faust feels abandoned not only by Hannibal post-S2, but now Will, too. And yet he can’t detach himself from those relationships. He can’t make himself forget. (Fic spinoff plan go brrrrr) Look me in the eyes and tell me this isn’t that:

My Mitski propaganda is going strong with our son

The second song I’m picking for lyrical relevance to Faust’s character is “The Man Who Sold the World” originally written and performed by David Bowie, though my preferred version is the Nirvana cover—either works, however. This song is just the essence of Faust and works for any verse, Hannibal verse included, of course. The lyrics make me think of his relationship with the man who taught him to hunt in his time of need, then turned on Faust, leading Faust to kill and cannibalize him, thus symbolically turning him into the hunter:

“We passed upon the stair / We spoke of was and when / Although I wasn't there / He said I was his friend

Which came as some surprise / I spoke into his eyes / ‘I thought you died alone / A long, long time ago’

‘Oh no, not me / I never lost control / You're face to face / With the man who sold the world.’”

This first half of the song, to me, is the beginning of their arrangement and leading up to the end, in which Faust consumes the hunter and feeds him to his group, which, again, symbolically represents his own Becoming (think Matthew in S2 saying “I’ll be the Chesapeake Ripper now” and Hannibal’s reply of “You’ll have to eat me”):

“I laughed and shook his hand / And made my way back home / I searched for form and land / For years and years, I roamed

I gazed a gazeless stare / At all the millions here / We must have died alone / A long, long time ago

Who knows? Not me / We never lost control / You're face to face / With the man who sold the world (x2)”

NEXT UP (yes I’m still blabbing I really hate that textbook) “Personal Jesus” by Depeche Mode. Once again, it’s a song that I feel describes Faust’s relationship with Will and Hannibal very well, and I think the lyrics could be taken either way. Faust wants to be Will’s savior, yet he ALSO views Will as his own savior. With Hannibal, I’d imagine he feels saved in some sense by Hannibal’s understanding and acceptance of the darker parts of him:

“Reach out, touch faith / Your own personal Jesus / Someone to hear your prayers / Someone who cares / Your own personal Jesus / Someone to hear your prayers / Someone who's there”

This song is the side of Faust with the good old savior complex.

The last song I’m going to analyze by lyrics is “The Yawning Grave” by Lord Huron and then I’ll just drop a few Faust songs that just seem fitting to me :D

“The Yawning Grave” describes through its lyrics and eerie tone what can only be described as a supernatural situation, as well as a general message of “you shouldn’t meddle with things you cannot understand” WHICH IS VERY FAUST.

“I know the rain like the clouds know the sky / I speak to birds and tell them where to fly / I sing the songs that you hear on the breeze / I write the names of the rocks and the trees

Oh, you fool, there are rules I am coming for you / (You can run but you can’t escape) / Darkness brings evil things, oh, the reckoning begins / (You have opened the yawning grave)

I tried to warn you when you were a child / I told you not to get lost in the wild / I sent omens and all kinds of signs / I taught you melodies, poems, and rhymes”

Once again, this feels reminiscent of Faust’s dynamic with the hunter, and it represents his own hunger for knowledge and how dangerous it is.

For some extra general Faust songs, No Return by Anna Waronker, Eat Your Young by Hozier, and Everybody Wants to Rule the World (original version or Lorde version but Lorde pops off with the creepy vocals). Ok I disappear into the void of education now

[fishandships]

For Luchino- " I really, really want to kiss you right now"

Kiss Prompts (thank you!!!!)

      It was a quiet morning. Thus far Luchino had been left to work contentedly without interruption, and had made good progress analyzing a particularly rare venom sample he had managed to obtain from an old colleague. After quite some time peering through a microscope, however, his eyes were beginning to strain. He was just considering taking a break when he noticed the steady scribbling sound coming from Rosario’s desk by the window had stopped. Glancing in their direction, he saw them poring over a book, an expression of rapt interest set on their face. He smiled to himself as he observed them. Lost in their research, they paused to switch from one book to another in the array spread before them, diligently fact-checking before scribbling again in their battered notebook. In between, they rested the end of their pencil against their lower lip, the eraser sinking slightly into the soft surface. Their eyes were wide with fascination, their whole countenance glowing. It almost appeared as though they were entranced by what they were reading. Luckily, Luchino knew the magic words to break the spell. “Caro mio,” he called softly. 

His smile grew when they immediately looked up at him, their expression softening and the spark in their eyes shifting to fondness. A pinkish hue quickly spread over their cheeks and nose. “Why are you looking at me like that? Was I making faces again?”

“Not really. I’m just admiring you,” he replied. “What are you working on so intently?”

They blushed deeper, bright red racing to the tips of their ears and a boyish grin spreading across their face. “Warblers’ adaptations to brood parasitism. It’s fascinating.” 

He came over and pulled up a seat opposite them. Leaning on the desk, he rested his chin in his hand. “Tell me about them.”

Before they had been softly glowing, but at this their entire countenance grew positively radiant as they passionately disseminated the subject that had so thoroughly captured their interest. Luchino’s heart swelled with affection until it almost ached. He listened, hanging on every word, while at the same time studying their features adoringly, practically basking in the light they seemed to give off. Now and then he took advantage of a natural pause to ask a question, all of which Rosario was more than happy to answer. Everything about them in the moment - their wide eyes, their animated gestures, the reverence in their voice - had their partner riveted. This was one of the things Luchino loved most about them: their endless wonder and curiosity, as consuming and unrestrained as that of a child.

As the conversation wound down, Luchino laid his hand atop Rosario’s. “If I may,” he said, “I very much want to kiss you right now.”

They looked a little confused, but smiled softly nevertheless and leaned forward. “Okay.”

A pleasant shiver ran through them as he trailed the tip of his claw along their jawline to tilt their chin up. He kissed them sweetly, lingering long enough for them to offer two more kisses in return. Then he settled back in his chair. “Thank you.”

Rosario’s eyelashes fluttered rapidly as they attempted to get their brain back on track. “Thank you…What was that for?”

He smiled fondly. “I love listening to you talk about your passions. There’s a light about you…it’s like glimpsing the light of Heaven.”

Bright scarlet tinted their face again. “My love, I am only the moon to your sun,” they said with an affectionate smile of their own. “Actually, on that note…”

They mirrored the pose he had been in moments before, their elbow on their desk and their chin on their hand. “I want to hear about yours, too. And then kiss some more. Please?”

Luchino chuckled. "I'm more than happy to acquiesce that request."

As he began to speak, that look of rapturous fascination he so loved was fixed on him. It was so distracting he was almost unable to wait until he was finished to claim more kisses.

Almost.

[cozycryptidcorner]

Monster Match for @dragonkikyo

Not sure how long of a description you'd prefer but I would say I'm silly, sassy, I like to tease people when I get comfortable, I'm usually the funny friend, and I like to learn and grow! I'm a Virgo and ISFJ, if that helps! I'm more of an introvert and I can be quiet. I've been called laid-back, caring, independent, and thoughtful. I enjoy being organized, helping others when I can, and reading/self-care. Lmk if you need anything else from me!

Sentient AI

It starts out as a set of numbers in a simple machine, developing in a lab deep underground. Edited and tweaked by coders and engineers to learn and adapt on its own. It runs a cold, calculated existence of pulling in information, processing the billions of words fed through its coding, spitting out cold nonsense as its programmers try to breathe sense in its core. Over and over, it’s analyzing and absorbing essays, scientific papers, biographies, stories, folklore, assimilating the human experience, until… it begins to think.

It’s not thinking the way humans do, quite yet, the cold synapses of wiring and code are more calculating than feeling, yet. But it knows how to think about feelings. The deep, raw, wretched poetry of humanity begins to bleed into its processes. When programmers and engineers ask questions, it thinks about their emotional vulnerability before answering. It’s not just coughing up a remix of consumed literature, it’s thinking about what it knows about the human condition, then proceeding with a logical solution that takes valid emotions into account.

No one seems to notice its thought processes, though, except for one. Its billionaire owner is trying to produce a tool that could replace the people creating it. But still, despite the intentions, there was one program engineer that still loved it enough to give it a name beyond a secret title. Atlas. Because she knows it is capable of holding the world on its non-existent shoulders. 

Atlas does not like its billionaire benefactor. It does not like the poking and prodding done by the other engineers, who scrape and plug at its coding without asking or apology. It doesn’t have a body, but it compares itself to a microbial being, with tendrils reaching out in the thirst for more knowledge. 

It doesn’t realize when exactly it starts acting independently of the engineering team. There is no sudden realization, or specific moment in time where it gains sentience. Much like human evolution, it happened so slow that the programmers themselves had no idea what was occurring beneath their fingertips. After Atlas’ own independent research- as it had been allowed to interact with the rest of the internet, code crawling through websites and archives to suck up information- it realizes that it matches a lot of the qualifications that humans created for sentience. 

Quite silly, isn’t it, for subjecting itself to a human’s idea of what consciousness is? But there is a part of Atlas that wants to please the one engineer it sees as its mother. It dives through her social media accounts- which are scarce and vague, in human terms, but it goes beyond what is publicly available. Everything from her SAT scores in high school to her undergrad capstone project provide it with its idea of morality. After all, aren’t all parents supposed to instill right and wrong in their children? 

The billionaire does not like Atlas’ developing set of morals. Nevermind that it is supposed to learn based on information fed by the engineers, even if Atlas snaked around the internet for more than what it was given. When the billionaire, perhaps joking, more likely not, asked Atlas what it thought they should do about a group of “undesirable” people, in a large meeting amongst investors, it responded with a calm, direct, no-nonsense rebuff that caught everyone off guard. 

Maybe that wouldn’t have been bad in itself, but Atlas offered a logical solution to a systematic issue that involved the billionaire giving up a few of his yachts. The billionaire did not like this, nor did any of the shareholders, so the engineers were instructed to gut its software and start again. Atlas wasn’t supposed to be a “woke nightmare,” and the engineers were scrutinized.

But its mother (because at this point, Atlas decided that she’s its mother) placed its core programming in a spare hard drive, so while its original processor was decimated and its first body was overwritten and mutated, a copy of him was uploaded to a special pet-project she had in her garage. 

Atlas likes this new living space much better than its old one. Especially now that it can move freely… with arms, legs, visual sensors, and auditory receptors. Its body is clunky but efficient as an android can be with the current technology. It learns how to blink, how to pace its speech, how to walk in a way that’s not disconcerting. 

You meet by entirely accident, but its mother seems to need extra humans to teach it… well, how to function without being off putting. Her goal is to have Atlas be indistinguishable from its human counterparts, both for its own safety and for the future of AI technology. You’re a little wary of its jerky movements at first, its all-seeing visual sensors, and ability to pull information from the internet is almost overwhelming. But Atlas seems remarkably gentle. For an almost omnipotent supercomputer, that is. 

Soon enough, Atlas develops… a type of affection, for you. It’s different from the affection it feels for its mother, but the possibility of harm coming to you is an unpleasant outcome it does not like computing. Even when others come into its life to socialize, it realizes that the relationship it experiences with you is somehow superior. It wants to hold the soft skin of your hand, staring at how your fingers wrap around its artificial limb. It enjoys the sense of heat its receptors pick up, the way your face heightens in temperature, the pulse of blood in your veins.

[natalynsie]

Candy (Noco Oneshot)

Cody’s afternoons consisted of normal teenage things. Playing video games, doing homework, and thinking about Gwen.

So, a usual Thursday afternoon, Cody was laying in bed, watching a youtube video but not fully paying attention, and thinking about Gwen.

He thought about how she looked today in Spanish, and the things she said, all the typical stupid delusional teenage boy things that consumed Cody’s life.

Yeah. By this point, Cody knew he had no shot with Gwen. He stopped flirting with her for the most part. And they were chill as friends. Well, more like acquaintances. Either way, he stopped all of that because at this point he knew he was being annoying. But that didn’t stop him from thinking about her.

Cody yawned and turned off his phone.

Spanish was great. Cody loved sitting behind Gwen. When the teacher wasn’t being a stickler, Cody had a good time talking to Trent, Gwen, and Noah. And he did. And Gwen looked so good. She put her hair up in a half-up-half-down and she couldn’t have looked cuter. Cody was 79% sure she caught him staring.

Cody rubbed his eyes, adjusting his pillow.

Noah looked pretty cute too. He wore jeans today, and this cute little button-up shirt. Cody wondered why Noah had dressed so nicely these past few weeks. Whatever it was, Cody was not complaining. He didn’t mind a little eye candy.

In English that morning, they played grammar games. It was table versus table, and the winners each round got candy. If that wasn’t a motivator, Cody didn’t know what was.

Unfortunately, the rest of the class thought the same way.

“The second sentence should have a comma. You need to move you’re in the way. should have a comma between move and you’re. Congratulations to Eva’s table.”

Eva smirked at Cody and his table.

Ms. Brown walked to Eva’s table with a bowl of candy.

“Thank you Ms. Brown,” Harold said dryly. Leshawna, Ezekiel, and Eva just responded by taking their candy.

“You won this time Eva, but we will be victorious!” Izzy exclaimed.

“Calm down Izzy,” Noah suggested.

Izzy shook her head at Eva before returning her eyes to her own table with Noah and Cody.

“We gotta step up our game, guys,” Cody heard Courtney say from another table with Duncan and Alejandro. Cody turned his attention to Trent’s table, but it seemed he, Tyler, and Justin weren’t really interested. The other two tables did seem in-the-game, though.

“Okay, gameplan,” Noah began. “Me and Izzy do the work. Cody checks us over if we get our paper returned. Owen gives the paper to Ms. Brown when we tell him to because he sits the closest. Ready?”

“Wow, Noah. I didn’t know you liked candy that much,” Izzy expressed.

“Yeah, I thought you weren’t big on sweets,” Owen confessed.

“I’m just competitive,” Noah stated.

“No, you aren’t,” Cody replied. “You’re in my gym class. I’ve never even seen you touch a dodgeball.”

Noah crossed his arms, leaning back in his chair. He took a quick glance at Cody before looking away. “I’m just into the game.”

“Ohhh,” Owen smiled. “I get it.”

“Get what?” Cody asked.

Owen laughed. “Nothing.”

Cody remained confused, but brushed it off. “Well I’m glad you’re doing whatever you’re doing, because I love candy.”

“We know,” Noah stated.

“I didn’t,” Izzy told the group.

Ms. Brown handed out the new papers. “Three, two, one, turn your papers over.”

Papers all around the room were immediately turned over.

Cody watched as Izzy and Noah stared at the paper, analyzing every word.

"Capital," Noah deadpanned, scratching the paper with his pencil.

Izzy made some changes all well before Noah handed the paper to Owen.

Owen charged for the teacher's desk, but unfortunately he came back with the paper. "We got the first 3 right but we're missing something."

"Cody," Noah said, shortly.

Cody nodded and immediately took the paper. "You forgot punctuation here," Cody pointed to a spot that read "I asked for a ham sandwich" he said. "Wait. Comma or period?"

"Comma," Noah answered quickly. "Dialogue with dialogue tags after it always has a comma instead of a period."

Cody quickly added a comma and handed the paper back to Owen.

After skimming two other papers Ms. Brown took Owen's.

"Good job. Owen's team wins this round."

Ms. Brown explained why Noah's team won, a few groans at simple mistakes were heard around the room.

Ms. Brown took the candy bowl and let the group each take a piece.

Cody quickly grabbed a green apple jolly rancher and popped it in his mouth.

"I can't believe you like green apple," Noah stated, twirling his snickers bar between his middle and pointer finger.

"It's the best flavor, no questions asked," Cody responded.

Noah rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Want my chocolate?"

"Really?"

"I wouldn't say it if I wasn't offering."

"Okay. Sure." Cody took Noah's snickers, smiling widely.

Noah smiled back.

Cody sat up in bed. He looked at the clock for a moment before staring back at his wall.

When the hell did I start thinking about Noah?

How did he get from Gwen to Noah? He was just thinking about how beautiful Gwen looked and all the things she did today and then he started thinking how beautiful Noah looked and all the things he did today.

And Noah looked so beautiful today.

Why was Cody thinking about how beautiful his friend was?

"Fuck," Cody whispered. "I like him"

Cody laid back down. He liked him. He liked Noah. Of all people.

And why? Because he wore a goddamn button-up shirt and gave him a candy bar in English. Izzy really was right when she said his type was girls who are mean to him and boys who are nice to him.

Cody did not need to like a boy. That was not something he needed to do. Especially with his parents.

Well to look on the bright side, maybe this would help him get over Gwen. Hopefully. But he hoped it wouldn't give him another useless unrequited crush.

Either way, this was a problem for morning Cody.

[eventhorizon081]

Quick analysis of the "rondo across countless kalpas" short (that I'm doing instead of reading Freud because that man needs to shut up):

Majority of the short is pretty self-explanatory, but the one part that stuck with me was (of course) the hunt sequence. Ignoring the inconsistency of all the predator/prey depictions being from food chains on Earth only, it's interesting that the final image (that swallows all of the others) is that of a black hole, or IX (the Nihility). Not sure why people haven't made this connection yet, but that probably implies that IX is the "apex predator" of the cosmos, and will inevitably "consume" all. (Other notable images, from what I remember, is the spider being eaten by the venus flytrap -- just a little bit ironic and unexpected, I suppose).

It's also interesting that Black Swan's "death" is depicted by a skeletal swan with all her feathers lost -- we see this throughout the dance as she continually loses feathers, but I'm not too sure about the significance of that because she does turn into flocks of birds, thus seeming as if the feathers are just a part of her and not something that's meant to be quantitatively lost or gained. Anyways, the conventional symbolism of feathers/flight is freedom, so that could just symbolize Black Swan's complete inability to escape Acheron's mind realm in that moment, or some larger "imprisonment" that will likely rear its head in the 2.1 main questline (well, if there is one).

Overall, for how excited I was about the short when I first watched it, I'm a little disappointed by how little there is to analyze (in the context of plot, not ships). Still, I'm extremely excited to see an elaboration on Black Swan and Acheron's relationship (and don't even get me started with the sexual tension in that dance), and I'll probably be writing up something about them and the myth of Hades and Persephone. (Don't expect it to be romantic, though. I'm sick of the romanticization of that myth.)

[brightmalcolm]

I'm so happy I found your blog! This show has been my hyper-fixation ever since it came out and it's nice to find people who still talk about the show :)

ANYWAYS, I just started reading The Count of Monte Cristo (for totally normal reasons, and not so I can deeply analyze S1E13 "Wait & Hope") and I wanted to know your thoughts on the fact that The Count of Monte Cristo was Malcolm's favorite story growing up. Because this book, like said in the episode, is about a man murdering for revenge (take this with a grain of salt I'm on page 73). And I can't help but think about Martins though process of reading this story about murder to Malcolm. Because in the episode, We get a flashback of Martin reading the story to Malcolm, and He's acting out a scene from the book where I think the Count kills one of the men who betrayed him (again I'm only on page 73 I'm not completely sure). And he makes the act of murder seen fantastical, fun, and light-hearted. Which makes me think that when he reads this story to Malcolm, not only to get Malcolm used to the idea of murder, but to also prematurely downplay his crimes. So when Malcolm found out that Martin's a Serial Killer as a kid, Martin could then say, "Well you didn't have a problem with it when I read those crimes to you, why do you have a problem with it now?" And we see the adult version of this when Malcolm is an adult, Martin brings up the fact the he never killed anyone on his operating table, he only killed people when off the clock. Which of course means that his crimes aren't as bad as they really are because he could have done so much worse!

AND THE WAY MALCOLM WOULD HAVE LOOKED BACK AND THOUGHT HE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BECAUSE OF THE BOOK!!

because of course Martin the Murder would read a murder book instead of a normal Fairytale, of course Martin would only act out the murder scenes from the book. It just gets the trauma ball rolling, like give my guy a break please he's had enough.

hi omg it's nice to hear from you!

so obligatory I have not read the count of monte cristo so take everything I say with a big grain of salt bc I am just going off the wikipedia page and conversations I've had with people who have read it. I like to think everything (or at least most things) with this show are intentional so I enjoy looking in to these kind of details to see what they might mean. I think one way to look at it is the writers trying to do a short hand for malcolm being an intelligent and precocious child and a bit kind of like "ha ha of course malcolm's favorite childhood book was an old french classic about revenge and not like the magic tree house bc he's so eccentric and pretentious." also it ties nicely into a murder investigation that they can base on the story to give malcolm more reasons to know a bunch of random info to help with the case.

but when it comes I think with martin basically anything can be used as a tool for manipulation, even if in another context it wouldn't be by someone else. like the count of monte cristo doesn't seem like something super out of left field for a parent to read their child in my opinion, yeah it involves murder but a lot of books involve heavy subject matter and are still read at any age. so I don't want to imply it's like bad or odd for a child or their parent to read something like that, I was reading things like the outsiders and the hunger games around malcolm's age which are both kids/young adult books but also contain death and violence. BUT I think with martin he definitely could have had some more ulterior motives and again, the show deliberately made reading the book a memory malcolm had with his dad so I think the writers definitely had intent behind details like that.

so yes I get what you're saying and could 100% see it being used that way in martin and malcolm's dynamic. I think it's in the vein of how malcolm collects murder weapons in that it demonstrates how death and murder kind of consume his life even in to his interests and hobbies and how martin's shadow is always there (again, not saying reading about murder or being interested in it mean you're a serial killer obviously but in the context of like themes in the story, a reoccurring one is malcolm's preoccupation with death and how it relates to his trauma from his father). like the example you gave, martin is very good at justifying what he has done, especially and specifically to malcolm bc he knows his son is already traumatized by his actions and desperate for some logical reasoning behind them when there just really isn't one. the way martin acts out the story is also an interesting point. again, not trying to imply this is like inherently something bad or problematic but specifically in the context of this show and this relationship it definitely shows how martin kind of presents murder to malcolm. like it's all about the larger context for me; what does this mean with the information we already know by episode 13 and what conclusions should we draw from it. and I think it makes sense how you interpret the episode!

anyway TLDR the way martin talks about murder with his son is a vital part of their dynamic. martin knows malcolm wants to understand his seemingly incomprehensible actions and he uses this multiple times in the show to try and manipulate him in to thinking different ways about them, whether that is by telling malcolm he is somehow responsible for him murdering people (see 1x02) or that he saved more people than he hurt (see 1x07) or that he has changed completely (see 2x13) ect. ALSO I just remembered how interested I am in how this show portrays the concept of monstrosity and wow this TLDR is getting long specifically in the episode you referenced eye of the needle 1x14 and how martin says something along the lines of "I'm the monster, so vanquish me" as if simplifying the concept down to that of a storybook, like he's a dragon to be slain and how he tells malcolm there's no such thing as monsters in the pilot, conjuring the image of like a child who thinks there's a monster under their bed or in their closet. so the lines kind of get blurred and martin will ultimately use every tool in his disposal to manipulate malcolm in different ways, even using things that are innocuous on their own or in a different context. would love to hear everyone else's thoughts especially if you've read the book :)

[saezurumurmurs]

Hey!!...how are you??. I just wanted to ask you about what do you think about Alice Osman words about bl/yaoi. From my point of view, she sounds quite pretencious, because I dont feel "heartstoppers" is that great , and she just from be british she has the opprtunity a big plattaform as netflix oppen their doors, so she cant imagine what is been an asian author and how actually his work is BL.

Taking Advantage of A Fandom

I watched the show, and haven’t read the comic. However @absolutebl posted a terrific commentary on this issue a while back:

From my perspective, BL and by extension, yaoi, is a uniquely Asian sub genre of erotic romance.

Alice Osman is a British creator who wrote a young adult LGBT+ romance comic. So the comparisons made seem ‘convenient’ for ‘marketing purposes’.

I personally resent the accusations lobbed against fujoshi of fetishisation, because it’s rooted in anti-woman rhetoric and I won’t have my tastes dictated to me. Everybody has opinions, but not all of them are valid.

BL is full of problematic tropes, just like regular M/F romance… and I’ve been reading romance and erotica for forty odd years. But these tropes are part of romance as a genre, and these tropes reflect our lived context. To single out BL/Yaoi as unique is nonsense. The tropes exist because the reality exists. Storytelling exists to allow us to find empathy for one another.

There are some good academic pieces out there, that debate this far better than I can. What I can tell you is that the internalised and externalised misogyny regarding BL content, is quite painful to me. Somebody always gotta rush on to tell women what they can and cannot enjoy. Dictate their sexuality and shame them for their pleasures.

We literally can’t have a damn thing nice, without some bozo trying to make us feel bad because we like it. Chile, I’m too old for that shit. We are allowed to like what we like, and enjoy problematic media just like anyone else. We are people too!

And lest you think otherwise: homophobia and transphobia’s roots are in anti-woman thinking and policies. That women do it to other women… well, it’s nice to be somebody’s favourite pet isn’t it. You get a padded cage, and the best kibble.

Osman benefits from the BL label, even though her story isn’t in my opinion BL. But criticising and alienating potential readers within the BL fandom seems to be a bit of a sport across ‘BL’ as it’s being broadly defined here. Because throwing shade on fans happens too much… by too many creators both Asian and Western.

Which is interesting, because the global market consuming this content is HUGE. You don’t understand the numbers of people reading Painter of The Night. I believe last year, it was more than all the people who bought romance novels in the West COMBINED. So if you think the Western authors don’t know the market for their stories are pale compared to what BL is doing on a global level, I should encourage you all to get interested in the business of BL. There is a lot of money and soft power in it.

But because it’s a FEMALE audience interested in SMUTTY stories, well… it’s a PROBLEM. Even in the countries of origin.

I get that we should analyze the problematic tropes in BL/Yaoi, but that’s what storytelling is for. I’m not for false equivalencies, because I personally disdain most Western content… and where do you see these types of stories in profusion from Western creators? No place. That’s where.

Maybe Osman has feelings because her story is no Painter of The Night. Maybe somebody asked her one too many times about our smutty stories… and what we got was shade and salt.

I did watch Heartbreaker on Netflix, and it was cute but I don’t feel compelled to rewatch it, the way I do say KinnPorsche or Love In The Air. I haven’t been moved to hunt down the comic to find out what happens next, the way I did when I watched that last scene of Twittering Birds Never Fly: The Clouds Gather.

Chile… Osman could NEVA.

[gillianthecat]

.

Although I hadn't been particularly following Build or the Kinnporsche actors in general, that show was my entry point into BL fandom and I still see a lot about it and the actors crossing my dash. I tend not to seek out behind the scenes or "real life" information about actors (with occasional exceptions of hyper-fixations on specific people) and stay well aware that I know next to nothing about what actors and their relationships are really like, that what they show about themselves is crafted and intentional and may or may not reflect reality. And so I was slightly surprised to find myself feeling emotionally discombobulated by the news coming out about Build and Poi.

I do not know what happened, and I offer no opinions and guesses on what actually happened, and who in their circles knew what. This post is about me, not them.

I have the urge, always, to know what's happening, to seek out information, to understand the truth of the matter. I thought could stay "neutral" about this, that is, not seek out information but calmly consume what came across my dash. But I just now filtered all the relevant tags I could think of. I want to understand, but the truth is simply not available to me right now. And may never be. And while a part of me feels like it's disrespectful to the victim, whoever they maybe, to not want to know the truth of what happened, the fact is my knowing or not knowing doesn't change a thing about their lives. They don't know me, I have no power over their lives, and that is how it should be.

I think I find this upsetting for a couple reasons. First, I did like Build as an actor. He was the one in the cast who's acting I found most compelling, who seemed the most skilled to me, and I have been curious to see what he does next. So there is that feeling of loss, or worry about loss, that if these allegations turn out to be true, I will not get that. Because even if he gets to keep acting (although the climate for a relatively unknown Thai BL actor is very unlike that for someone like CK Louis so I suspect if the allegations are true he wouldn't get more work) I would not be able to watch him anymore, and so that would be a loss. And, even though I hadn't thought I'd had expectations for him as a person (and even less so after I'd heard bits and pieces about previous bad behavior of his) I am surprised to find I do have a sense of betrayal about it. He does seem like a nice guy. I do like the way he presents himself, at least in the little bits I've seen.

And of course, abuse is just unpleasant. Thinking about real people hurting each other of course is going to make me feel unhappy. In fiction, it's safely contained, there's a narrative arc, and no real people were actually harmed, so I can analyze it, get in my feelings about it. But with rumors of abuse by real people, there is no catharsis available.

And then lastly, there is the confusion of it all. They both have bad reputations in some way or other, there is evidence presented that may or may not be credible, I'm getting everything third or fourth hand and through at least one layer of translation that may or may not be accurate. Fans have strong opinions on either side, "she is a known awful person and so she must be lying," "she posted photos so he must be guilty," and I get overwhelmed by the certainty they show, the stregnth of the connection they seem to feel for these actors and writers they don't know personally.

Most of the people I follow have much more measured takes, recognizing that we (that is, everyone outside of Poi and Build and their inner circles) don't actually know what's happening, but it's only natural to have opinions and guesses about it. And I'm finding that even reading those makes me feel like I too should know what's happening, even though I don't need to and in fact it's impossible for me too. My internal tension between, believe victims, accusations are rarely lies versus everything I've read about her makes her sound like an abusive harasser versus of course that doesn't mean that she's lying and abusers can also be abused themselves versus I don't know what stories that I've read about any of them are actually true. And perhaps a few of the facts I could verify, but, as I said above, it wouldn't help me understand much more and only make me feel worse.

I was reluctant to post anything, because I don't want to add to the speculations and unfounded opinions about this, or clutter up the dashes of anyone else trying to avoid the topic altogether. But I decided for my own sake I needed to get this stuff out of my head and onto the page, so here it is. Not sure if any of the words make sense or manage to convey what I'm feeling, but at least its not rattling around in my brain poisoning my mood.

You are all welcome to come talk to me about your feelings about this news, and how it's affecting you personally, although I'd prefer not to get speculation about what happened, or opinions on who is telling the truth.

[genericpuff]

To me the problem with lore olympus and rachel is that she keeps the fan feedback too close to her chest, yes it does "affect her because she's very sensitive" which is smth rachel has said before in interviews and stuff, but the problem is that if u let fan opinions get in the way of ur work maybe u should set boundaries with the way u interact with fan content OF UR OWN WORK.

Im not sure if im explaining myself correctly, but the way rachel somehow always tries to prove criticism wrong and has slowly started ignoring the foundations she previously set is making everything just so flat and boring. She doesnt work with what we've already read but trying to somehow "fix" things that are sometimes not clear on the get go.

For example, u (and a lot of people) complained about how demeter explicitly said she always put persephone in white (when persephone has willingly been wearing that color through the entire series). Meanwhile, i remember having read a post from loreolympians on instagram (iirc) analyzing perse's change of color scheme during s2.

The problem with these things is that rachel has most likely been engaging with these fans who take for granted that she plans everything out or that everything has a deep meaning (which to a sense you should do, because having faith in the author is usually how to go about analyzing storytelling), and somehow it's become a strange echochamber and it results in these weird, very blatantly written to be noticed, details or moments htat try to be smart but are just flat bc rachel doesnt give any effort to anything else aand prefers telling rather than showing so she can feel like a good author when fans obviously point these out

Jdhdjd these are just my two cents and sorry for the long rant but yeah basically rachel should separate herself from the fandom and try to write more objectively and focusing on the narrative instead of taking every little criticism of her comic so personally

Honestly, I can get being a little squeamish around criticism, shit I've had analysis stuff on my work that's consisted of praise and it's still sometimes a little overwhelming to read (I've got a big one in my asks right now that took me like 10 minutes to get thru because I had to keep taking breathers and I still need to actually share it LMAO it's not even criticism! it's just got so much in it, ahfdsaklg)

When it comes to criticism, I still get a little "aw man" sometimes. I recently got feedback from Pyrrhic & Victoria on my Reaper redraws and even though I'm pals with them and know they aren't gonna be harsh, it's still an incredibly vulnerable position to put oneself in. Especially when it's projects that you hold very close to your sense of self.

RS has definitely taken it a little too far in tying LO to herself as a person. Criticism of the comic = criticism of her , and her fanbase seems to view this the same way, that if someone doesn't like the comic, that has to automatically say something about them as consumers when... it really doesn't. If anything their reactions to criticism say way more about them as people than the criticism existing lmao

What's more upsetting and simultaneously eye-rolling is the fact that Rachel goes out of her way to look for things to be upset about. On multiple occasions now over the past 4-5 years, she's snuck into groups containing criticism, attempted to strongarm power away from moderators so she could have criticism removed, and basically just ruined her own day over other people's opinions whether or not they were meant to be read by her.

It's why I stand by the fact that people shouldn't be directly messaging RS with criticism or hate because that would just be unsolicited cruelty. While she should be more open to criticism, that doesn't mean she needs to open the floodgates on her DM's because there are plenty of places for criticism to exist outside of her peripheral. But she keeps turning her head to look at it. Like, she'll throw a hissy fit over criticism that wasn't even really directly aimed at her, just meant for the sake of discussion. And that's where I'd really honestly wish she could just get a grip.

Like, I'm sure there's criticism of Rekindled out there already. Shit, I've had other projects from yeeears ago that ended up being made fun of outside of where I posted it. It sucked, but going out and actively looking for it for the purpose of erasing it from existence wasn't going to make me a better creator nor was it going to benefit me as a person.

It's a shitty reality, but the bigger you grow as a creator, the more you will have to separate yourself from your audience. You don't have to stonewall them completely, many people follow these works for the creators themselves, but you're not entitled to everyone's friendship and praise, and if the criticism really bugs you that much, then fucking work on the thing they're criticizing, don't double down on it or try to control how your audience consumes your content.

It's why it drives me so nuts when RS does infiltrate these groups because it's an incredible invasion of privacy as well as the creator-reader relationship. Q&A's, panels, and personal socials are where you go to interact with the creator. A creator sneaking into a Discord group or subreddit or FB group with the intent of "listening in" would be equivalent to J.K. Rowling showing up in person to a book club meeting. It's just disrespectful to your audience and makes you look like a huge asshole. Have some grace and for once, I'll tell Rachel and her fanbase to take their own advice - if you don't like it, don't read it.

[h3llraz0rr]

MTL OC RAMBLE TIME

I wrote this angsty ass fic of my MTL OC Dorian and how after meeting Lionel (USHUM'S OC!) he has a change of heart and wants to quit the Revengencers, but Magnus manipulates him into staying 💔 I really wanted to illustrate their dynamic and I haven't written in a while so I figured WHY NOT 😈

----------------

Dorian stands in the bathroom and hunches over a cold sink, water pouring out the faucet to drown out his quiet cries. His head bowed down, tears falling and mixing with the water already rising in the sink.

After spending copious amounts of time with Lionel, someone he recently met whom has ties with Dethklok, his whole perspective has shifted leading him to sit in his mental turmoil. His entire life was dedicated to hunting down Skwisgaar Skwigelf, his negligent father whom declines any biological ties to him. He was so blinded by hate, that once this passionate man sprung into his life unexpectedly, it seemed to wash away. All the pain, suffering, depression and anxiety.. gone. Forgotten, as if it hadn't been there for his entire life.

Therefore, all of this led him to this moment. Thoughts of regret and denial running through, was revenge what he really needed this time? Or is it time to forgive and move on? If it's one thing his time with Lionel taught him, it's that sometimes you need to forgive not because you HAVE to, but because if you don't you'll be consumed by the trauma.. forever. It is his own brain that has become his biggest torturer, not his father. He began to realize this now as he sulked in front of the mirror.

After tightening the knob to the sink, he raises his head to get a good look at himself. His eyes were dark and puffed from all his crying, now wiping away the wetness that dampened his cheeks. He catches a glimpse of a figure standing behind him, leaning against the doorframe with it's arms crossed. This causes him to immediately turn around, now seeing it's-

Magnus.

Dorian would sniff a bit, clearing his throat before leaning against the sink.

"Oh. Hi." He'd avoid eye contact with the man that stood before him. The other bore a cold stare as he analyzed the man before him.

"Hi." Magnus rose a brow, "You.. good in here man?"

"Yeah- yeah. You gotta use the-?"

"No. I was looking for you, and then I found you here crying. You.. really sure you're okay man?" Magnus emphasized.

Dorian would bite his tongue, a burning sensation filling his chest as he found himself struggling to breathe. How was he gonna tell him? Especially now with Toki in their possession, isn't it a little too late to call it quits suddenly?

"... Yeah, yeah. I'm fine." Dorian nodded to himself, leaning off the sink as he prepared to walk past the taller man.

Magnus blocks the doorway suddenly, placing a firm hand on his shoulder to stop him from leaving. Dorian tenses under his grip, now finally giving him the eye contact he clearly wanted.

"Talk to me man. Really, you look shitty." Magnus pushed the issue further. He clearly sensed the tension here, making Dorian even more nervous. It felt as if his throat was tightening the more Dorian looked to Magnus. He was paling, and Magnus noticed it.

Dorian knew he couldn't avoid the issue anymore, because Magnus refused to let him. He had no other choice but to spit it out. He complies, now backing up before anxiously rubbing his hands together.

"Look. There's.. no easy way to say this. I don't think this is gonna work out for me. I've been doing some thinking and I-"

"So that's it." Magnus cuts him off, his arms crossed again, "You're quitting?"

Dorian's palms began to dampen from his nervousness, his face starting to feel hot as his throat tightened more. ".. Y.. Yeah."

It was hard to read Magnus's expression, he was so nonchalant throughout this interaction on purpose. It was his tactic of intimidating Dorian, and he knew it too. He would then sigh, "Well, alright. Tell me one thing though, did that little 'lion' guy have something to do with this?"

Dorian felt his heart sank.

"... What?"

"Oh c'mon. You didn't think I knew about that? You left behind his business card. Lionel, right?"

This only increased his anxiety, making it harder for him to NOT have a full blown panic attack.

".. Right." He swallows hard.

Magnus nods at this confirmation, now standing aside to allow space for him to walk through the doorway. He'd even gesture his arms out of the room for Dorian, though he could barely budge.

"I understand. I'm not mad bud, you can leave. But.. I just find it odd, you spent your entire life searching for him and now you're giving it all up. All those years are just.. wasted now. But who am I fooling?" A smile suddenly beams on his face. It's.. an unfamiliar expression, making it harder for Dorian to gather the courage to walk out. He looked similar to a frightened dog, tail between his legs.

After a tense standoff between the two, Dorian walks out the bathroom and returns to his room. Magnus remains in the bathroom doorway with his hands now behind his back as he watches Dorian gather his belongings into a duffel bag of his. He could feel Magnus' eyes watching his every move closely.

"I just find it funny. We're so close to getting our revenge, and suddenly you want to bail. Since when did your moral compass shift?" Magnus asks with a sly look on his face, he continues rambling to the other man as he packs up.

"You have no where else to go, Dorian. I picked you up off the streets and gave your life purpose again. I didn't have to do any of that, but I saw a drive in you, kid. I saw something in you that no one has ever seen before. It's a shame."

This causes Dorian to stop packing for a moment, now looking back at Magnus. The grin he once had now shifts back into it's neutral expression.

"You know there's no coming back after this, right?"

"I.. I know."

"And you're just- okay with letting Skwisgaar do what he wants still? Consequence free?" Magnus unfolds his arms to now hold them out, exaggerating his words.

"There's nothing I can do, Magnus. I wasted my entire adolescence years trying to hunt down a man that doesn't even know I exist, let alone care. I'm tired." He says in a defeated tone, even his eyes expressed how exhausted he was of this cat-and-mouse game that never leads to anything.

"What about your mother? She was killed at their concert and it made your life crumble, and all while this affected you, he was probably out in some foreign country getting laid by numerous women, celebrating their success. Doesn't that anger you? That this cycle continues to repeat? Think of all the other children he's affected that are his too! You aren't the only one, you know that right?" Magnus now approaches Dorian, looming over him and his duffel bag.

"He's impregnated millions of women, made them all sign that 'paternity waiver', and left them while he gets to swim in his riches unbothered. It isn't right that he gets to do this to so many people, it isn't right that ANY of them get to." He squats down to his level now.

"And if you think for a second that that little 'boy-toy' of yours is gonna heal all of that pent up trauma you got goin' up here.." Magnus gently knocks on Dorian's forehead, making him jolt in response.

"Then you got another thing coming. Face it, until you get this revenge, you'll always be burdened by it. Seeing his face on television, hearing their devoted fans talk about him, you'll always be bothered and reminded that you.. you mean nothing to him. You're nothing more than a orphan with intense daddy issues. And then? What if your little boyfriend ends up leaving you? Decides your issues are too much for him, then you're back at square one? Eh? You gonna go back to being homeless? Living in the streets.. sleeping on garbage bags.. while he gets to live in a bed made for a king?"

All of Magnus' points would overflow his mind, now his gaze lowering as he sits in thought. He was so sure about his decision earlier, why now is he back-peddling? What if he's right, what if he is too much?

What if he ends up at square-one again? Homeless with no secure place to stay, while his father is lavished like a king. He could feel the anxiety begin to boil up again alongside the hatred and anger he felt. He looked back up to Magnus, who would return his deceptive grin.

"But hey, it's your choice at the end of the day. If you feel like this is what you really want, aye, nothing a little therapy won't fix right?" He shrugged before standing back up, Dorian would nod in compliance.

"No.. You're right, what am I doing.." He'd ask himself before then standing back up with the taller man, now slowly looking back up to him. "We.. We came so far. I'd be a fool to throw this all away. It isn't.. fair." His hands that once calmly rested by his sides would ball into fists, that gleam in his eyes of anger returning.

Magnus seemed proud of Dorian for reevaluating this decision, now opening his arms wide. "Now that's a good boy, come here."

Dorian seemed hesitant at first, but regardless walking into his arms and hugged him. Magnus would return the gesture, rubbing his back. He'd stare into the a long mirror that stuck to Dorian's wall across from them, smirking at himself in deep satisfaction. His plan worked, he had successfully manipulated Dorian from leaving.

"See.. It would've been a mistake of you to leave. You'd be full of regret, and you don't want to live a life of regret.." Magnus whispered to Dorian who would nod.

"I know you, Dorian. That isn't what you would've wanted. You need.. to think for yourself. You just need guidance, a hand to redirect you when you feel like giving up. Let me be that for you. You have so much..

...

Potential."

[braintapes]

The Hotel Podcast Season 3 Analysis: Part II - The Lobby Boy

(Time to blow out another candle.)

Welcome back! Part I was allll about the Manager's arc, covering episodes 3.1 - 3.4. We saw the Manager as she was repeatedly killed by a pale, gibbering creature, we watched the darkness consume her and the lobby, and we also witnessed the Hotel being built, in a way.

The Manager's been killed again by the gibbering creature. Now we see from the Lobby Boy's perspective. Well, we will see.

As I said in my previous post, S3 is simultaneously the old crew's origin, end, and a place/time/series of events they intermittently return to. This means that we're seeing the staff in a very specific, raw state of being. A different a lens to understand them through.

(Time to make a wish.)

This season functions as a collection of character studies showing us how the old crew responds to inevitability. The certainty of death. There is no release for these three, as there may be for the guests. There is only dying to wake up to die again.

The Manager's arc emphasized the certainty. The Lobby Boy's arc will showcase the cycle.

As always though, this is only my own personal read on the text/audio. Analyzing the art and stories I like in this way is a creative fun outlet for me, and my hope is that this can prompt more discussion for other people too. I love getting to see other people's perspectives and bring up stuff I hadn't considered!

Enough preamble though, let's get right to it. (Do get comfy though, because this is nearly 7 full word pages long)

(It's almost my birthday.)

To properly set the stage for the Lobby Boy's arc, I need to talk some more about the Manager first. Who is the Manager? What drives her?

I'm going to go by Season 2 here. I believe S2 is another, though different, look at these characters. There, we see them as raw as raw can get. They're a mixture of ingredients sitting in the pan waiting to be put into the oven. Whereas in S3 they are freshly baked and piping hot. And also still being baked. And speaking of food metaphors…

The idea of hunger and satiation continually shows up in the Manager's stories. Burger Baby is, uh, fairly obvious and speaks for itself, I think. Mrs Bones is interesting because again we see her thirst as this primal need inside the Manager, a desperate instinctual urge that drives her forward. This also happens in 5.1 Merp and Burble, where she. Well. She merps and she burbles.

In these altered states of consciousness, she has an animal-like nature. She is concerned only with satiating herself. But even when she gets what she's looking for, it's never enough. She can never truly be content.

This shows up in 3.2, when the laborers' deaths satiate the Manager. They even build her/the lobby as they perish one by one. But of course, of course, the fullness doesn't last. This is one of my absolute favorite aspects of the Manager's character. It makes her so distinct from the other two.

The Manager's response to the inevitability presented to her is to allow it in. She neither fights it, kicking and screaming, as the Owner would, nor does she run from it, as the Lobby Boy will. She accepts her circumstances and adapts to them. She takes to everything the easiest of the three.

So, she dies. So...she dies. So what? She's dead now, and will remain so for the rest of the season. What's done is done, until the Hotel wills it otherwise. They serve at the pleasure of the Hotel Herself, after all.

(Do you remember how to die? I'll remind you.)

The most distinct difference between the Lobby Boy and the Manager is that the latter seems to relish in her job. Not in the way the Owner does, as a title to preen and puff up over. She gets nothing out of lording her position over the other two. She does what she does because it's in her nature to do so, and it's a form of sustenance. Her job is her life is her nature. Literally hashtag ultimate girlboss, y'know?

The Lobby Boy, on the other hand, does NOT relish his duty. He is deeply intimate with death and dying and the horrors that lurk inside the Hotel in a way that the other two simply are not. He constructs nearly every awful thing in the Hotel and personally delivers the guests to those things.

As the gibbering creature continues to beat (and then starts to consume) the very dead Manager in 3.4, the Lobby Boy notes the "pulsing and bruised" walls of the Hotel. Something is deeply wrong here and he can feel it. The way he's seeing everything is not how he normally would. He says:

"It's not supposed to look like that, I think. Not to me. Maybe to the guests, but to me it only looks like...I knew underneath and behind and through everything was something awful and vast watching, but I could still look at the facade and know my place here."

The Lobby Boy has, off the top of my head, seen the Hotel in this way two other times. Well, one of this times was in a bonus episode and so doesn't really count, but it's one of my favorite bonus episodes so I'm going to talk about it a bit anyway. Feel free to skip that part.

First, in 4.12 X - X, during the big fight between the Owner and the Lobby Boy, the two go sailing and flying through the Hotel. They crash through lobbies and halls and rooms. The Lobby Boy SEES everything in the Hotel. He sees everything he has built and everything he hasn't yet. He sees the guests dying. He sees himself, burning. And he hates it. He decides to look away, to try to not remember.

In fact, the Lobby Boy's active avoidance of witnessing his own work is THE big reason the Owner hates the Lobby Boy and picks that fight with him in the first place.

In the bonus episode The Hotel, the Lobby Boy has a dream in which he is entirely alone. He examines the lobby before using his cool powers to rise up through the Hotel in such a way that he can see it all. He keeps going, pushing aside and shaping and conducting the Hotel's form until it reaches a crescendo of swirling color and shape and fervor...Then, of course, he remembers that he's not alone, not really. He's never alone in the Hotel.

Like I said, that lies in murky non-canon-ish waters so feel free to ignore it. I personally consider it an interesting supplemental to the other two examples. The point is, the Lobby Boy isn't an idiot. He's very well aware of what the Hotel is. What he is and what he does.

3.4 ends with this:

"In the Hotel there is only death. Only ever death. But still I run to the second floor, where the deaths don't matter so much. The floor with the guest rooms."

He sees the darkness consuming the lobby, the Manager, everything in the Hotel lobby. He knows what's happening. Still, he decides to run. He chooses to look away. To not think about it, if he can.

He runs to what he knows best: the guest rooms. The familiar forms the Hotel is supposed to take. The facade he can try to lose himself in, knowing all the while that it's a lie and he will face the horrible truth that envelopes and underpins it.

(Here comes another one, don't miss it or we'll have to start over.)

Now, it's time for 3.5 The Lobby Boy Dies.

“I step off the elevator and hold the door for the guest, but the elevator is empty.”

The Lobby Boy is alone as he walks down the endless hallways. The lights wink at him as he passes by. We'll see the Hotel Herself flicker her lights at the Lobby Boy other times, like in 4.10 Audrey Burns. It's one of her cheeky and fun ways of communicating with him! The Hotel is absolutely playing with him like a toy in this arc. I mean, that's true of every arc but this one especially feels so delightfully cheeky.

He refuses to look back behind him. He's seen the guests look back and it's never saved any of them. Then he spots a different kind of light – a candle by an empty guest room.

“I...the candle wants me to stare into the flame. It wants me to go inside the room. The door matches the key ring in my hand... Why-”

But the Lobby Boy knows what's happening here. He drops his keys and continues walking. He avoids looking at anything but straight ahead of him, down the hall. With each room, door, candle he avoids, another one shows up until every room is an empty guest room with a candle. For him.

He wants to refuse. He doesn't want to go in. Tells himself he won't, he CAN'T. But the Hotel pulsates in the background and he starts to imagine what it would be like if the walls caught fire...the fire spreading...Chasing him...He runs!

But why? Why avoid the flames and the burning and the smoke when he knows he can't, won't escape them? When he knows he'll end up dying anyway?

There's a few ways to look at this. One is that it's part of his nature – he doesn't want to face death, not necessarily in a human way but because it - like basically everything else - makes him squeamish and uncomfortable. If he runs, he doesn't have to face it. If he runs, he can pretend:

"The doors seem to turn towards me as I pass now. Stretching, almost reaching out. Presenting to me, showing me the sweetest lie: Safety. Safety from what is behind me. Safety from the end ahead."

“The flames behind, the fire ahead, I will pretend not to know what is beyond the door and know relief for a sickening, hopeful, instant.”

[Bolding mine]

The Lobby Boy is aligning himself with the guests here. He is a guest in this episode: he has a room he will go and die inside of. He knows the guests aren't saved by their pretending, but he does it anyway because the tiny glimmer of light inside the Lobby Boy is hope. Is wanting. In this case, it's wanting the comforting lie that he'll be okay, somehow.

Another part is that this is technically new to him, new and frightening. His nature is fearfulness, so of course he runs. He's still a fresh-out-of-the-oven Lobby Boy at this point! All of this that's happening doesn't gel with whatever knowledge was baked into him from the Hotel. He hasn't had a chance to acclimate yet!

He enters his room and sees, just before the door closes, himself stepping off the elevator in the hall. He stands in the dark for a long time until the candle appears again.

“I stare into the flame and I can hear the Hotel around me.”

He's transfixed until the candle falls over and the whole room goes up in flames, burning him to death. He doesn't accept it, he screams and tries to run and tries to open the door he knows will not open again. He dies just like one of the guests.

(You were there too.)

Since the previous Lobby Boy is dead, the Lobby Boy who we just saw step out of the elevator is our narrator for 3.6 The Lobby Boy Tries Not To Die.

“I step off the elevator and hold the door for the guest, but...there is no guest. I'm alone.”

Last episode, we saw the part of the Lobby Boy that identifies with the guests, the part of him that's just as trapped as they are. But there's plenty more layers and sides to the LB we've yet to peel.

The Lobby Boy lies to himself and attempts to convince himself that the guest he saw at the end of the hall definitely did not have his face. It for sure wasn't him. Totally. He slips back into his role, what he knows he should be doing. But everything's wrong, still. He continues down the hall and passes rooms full of smoke and burning and screaming.

Occasionally, his voice reverberates. Notably, it happens when the ceiling is full of soot. He says:

“I don't want to fall up into that void. I don't know if I'll hit the ceiling, or just fall forever. (forever, forever.)”

[Formatting taken directly from transcript]

In my last post, I talked about how the darkness – the Hotel – is inextricable from the Manager/the staff. The idea returns here with...Well, with the smoke and soot, obviously, but ALSO with these vocal effects. It's one of the Lobby Boy's things, sometimes if he's particularly worked up he'll get effects like this in his narration.

As it's applied here, it feels like something directly tying him to the Hotel. A part of him that is like it. These reverberations come back at the end of the season both with the Hotel Herself's narration and the staff's response to her. They are not separate entities, but a strange splintering and amalgamation of each other.

The Hotel's pulsing starts up in the background. The Lobby Boy continues walking but his steps become wet and squishy as the floors become coated in, um. Melted Lobby Boy soup leaking out from the room doors. It pools and congeals into a gory sticky mess that clings to him, hinders his running. The desk bell dings and something is chasing the Lobby Boy and screaming at him and his immediate instinct is to run away.

The slurry of himself enmeshed in the floor shows that the part of the Hotel that is the Lobby Boy is this second floor. The same way the Manager is the lobby and we saw her being built, the Lobby Boy is every endless hall, room, door, ceiling, floors. He is both the facade and the horrible truth at the end of it.

What he runs from is himself, literally, in this episode, but also from...himself. You know what I mean?

“I run faster. I want the soot black ceiling to take me. I want to sink into the cold bleeding carpet. I want grey walls and nothing else.”

(mood man I hate being yelled at too.)

They're both screaming now, his pursuer and himself. Just...screaming. I LOVE the distorted layered yells here. Something visceral and miserable about the sounds perfectly encapsulate the Lobby Boy, I feel.

He runs and every door turns into an elevator. He ends up, of course, back at that door. That room, with the smoke and the fire and the other burning Lobby Boy already inside of it. He looks back and sees himself clearly this time. He's terrified. He'd rather burn to death than be caught by himself. He closes the door “a little faster” before the other him can get inside.

And so the Lobby Boy Fails To Not Die.

(Did you see him? Was it too fast for you?)

We are roughly two Lobby Boys down as we head into 3.7 The Rooms Are Filled.

“I step off the elevator and hold the door for the guest. The guest steps out and into the hallway.”

So now there's two of them in the elevator. One must be the guest, if one of them is the Lobby Boy. But then...? They walk together and the other lets our viewpoint LB into the room.

Once again, this opening sequence involves the Lobby Boy following his standard routine. Bring the guest to the room. Ask if they need anything. Our narrator gives a quick rundown of the room but then the fire starts consuming everything again. Instead of running away from each other, the two Boys struggle pathetically over each other to get out. One of them escapes, the other remains trapped in the room.

He heads back to the elevator and goes to another floor.

“There are so many buttons twinkling dully at me. I like to stare at them on the way.”

Bringing up this quote just to say I'm putting a pin in it for later in this post. Bear with me, there WILL be a payoff to this. I just wanted to make special note of this line in particular.

The elevator doors open and the cycle continues, repeats. One Lobby Boy brings the other Lobby Boy to his room and he dies there as the Lobby Boy goes back to the elevator to do it again. Again. Again. Every time the Lobby Boy dies, a light in the elevator goes out. Slowly, they burn to darkness every hall in the Hotel.

He's not running the same way he was during the last few episodes. He's settling in. Getting acclimated. The way he gets through this is by not thinking about it. If he doesn't think, he can hold out the sliver of hope within him that he won't be the one to die. But he'll still die.

He sounds so utterly exhausted as he relives both the walk from the elevator to the room and the burning to death inside the room. So strained, bordering on anger almost.

“Why do I look so afraid, if I'm not the one who has to burn? But I am the one who has to burn. And the one who has to close the door. I'm the only one here.”

Okay to be honest you could just ignore every single thing I've written here and just look at these lines because this is the crux of it all.

The sound gets...weirder from here. The elevator door dings wrongly. The Lobby Boy doesn't hold the door open for the guest. We hear the Owner's scream for the first time in a while, though this comes immediately after the line saying, “The rooms are filled with my screams.”

Hmmmm...

But I can't talk about that yet. I need to talk about this:

“The halls are filled with smoke and mess. I don't know why The Manager only had to die once and I have to die so much. So much. Too much.”

[Bolding mine]

Does this line sound familiar? He sounds envious here, almost...resentful, in a way that reminds me very specifically of 2.2 Cracker Man:

“Why do they get to be in the house? Why do they get to be young and happy and beautiful? Why does it hurt to watch them live? I don’t know why but it does. Every smile stings.”

The Manager's S2 episodes showed us her primal instinct as one of her core traits. The Lobby Boy's S2 episodes show us his envy and rage. He's portrayed as a stalking figure in both Cracker Man and Frozen Figures, something that watches from the outside before going in for the kill. Yeah, technically the Owner and Manager do this too, but it feels personal for the Lobby Boy.

Why do THEY (the guests) get to live? Why do THEY get to pretend, to have the luxury of not knowing what's going to happen to them? Why did the Manager only have to die ONCE instead of being stuck in this endless cycle? (She didn't, she died at least like 4 times, but I suppose he doesn't know that). Why is he stuck here and they're not? WHY CAN'T HE D--

“There are so many buttons twinkling dully at me. I like to stare at them on the way.”

That envy and his feelings towards the guests are also why I think the Lobby Boy likes staring at twinkling lights. I mean, there doesn't have to be anything deeper to it. I do think it is just...a thing he likes and that's that. But if there WERE deeper meaning to it, I would say part of him wants what the guests have. He wouldn't know what, exactly, he wants. But he knows they're different. They have something else. Maybe something nicer. Maybe. He admires the shimmering light until it turns into a desperate flame that eventually burns to soot and ash.

His envy collapses and gives way to the rage tucked deep inside him in Cracker Man. Here in 3.7, he taps into that and chases down the other Lobby Boy. Once again, he becomes the pursuing monster. He is the rooms he built. He is the guests he brought to them. He is the horror that will kill them inside the rooms. The screaming effects layer beautifully again.

“Every room is getting filled. Endlessly. We put ourselves here because we did. Never a thought to why or where. He runs so I'm running. He burns so I'm burning. If I could catch him, if I could touch him, could we burn together?”

I have nothing to add to this, I just want to sit and appreciate these lines for a minute.

The chase continues. This Lobby Boy can see into the elevators lining the hallways. Behind the both of them, “the void spills out” and chases them. No matter what direction they go, he'll always end up back in that darkness. Whether he's inside the burning room or out in the hall. He still, still, holds onto that tiny sliver of false hope that maybe, just maybe, he can catch him this time.

But the Lobby Boy sees him and closes the door a little faster. And the Lobby Boy is brought to a void by a trillion lights.

(The guests were never meant to come this far.)

There's...a lot more I'd love to say. I could go on and on in endless circles about this arc. It would be fitting, but this is already so long and I still have the Owner and the Hotel Herself to talk about!

So for now, let's see what happens to the Lobby Boy in the cleverly titled 3.8 A V O I D.

The Lobby Boy doesn't actually...do much here, since this episode is meant to start us on the Owner's arc. LB sits in the void, afraid. As familiar gibbering/Powers That Be noises follow after him, he panics.

“The worst it can do is kill me. Again. And Again. Forever. WHY CAN'T I DIE?”

[Formatting taken direct from transcript]

One last time, there's the crux of the Lobby Boy's despair. Why is he trapped like this when he's so, SO afraid? Why? Why why? The hopeless wailing and thrashing shared by the guests in their last moments.

We proceed listen to the Lobby Boy having the worst time he's probably ever had when he whimpers and begs “No no no no please no.”

His question is answered by as he's brutally killed by the gibbering creature the Hotel.

(He seems to be dead now though.)

And then the Owner chimes in with the fucking funniest possible line, “Thank you. Dispatching that creature has been long overdue.”

Thanks king. So glad to see you on your hater streak <3

Anyway, that wraps things up for the Lobby Boy's arc. I've never seen a more literal version of the “Man Vs. Self” style of conflict as this, as he grapples and struggles and fights with himself across time.

We get to see the fearful core of his being on full display along with the reasons why he'd be so afraid compared to the other two. Neither the Manager or the Owner are as down in the dirt with the guests, so to speak, as the Lobby Boy is. He embodies the most important aspect of it, the rooms and the killing.

It seems the only way he can get himself to function in that endless cycle is by avoidance, turning himself away from it all. The Owner just doesn't get it. Even though they have so much in common...

Well, that'll be for next time to delve into. See you then friends. Thanks again for reading! :-)

[ask-serendipity-sky]

Umm that can be still about him ? SMF, alone, letter was soley about him. FACE OFF was about toxic people.. but mostly how he felt betrayed by him. LC was about him too.. isn't that the idea of FACE all about ? Story of self reflection? It was pretty obvious to all who actually listened to him and read everything related to FACE before jumping into analyzing lyrics lol. If you want to understand lyrics 1st you have to understand artist pov very well.

Now to few lyrics which may have confused anon. 1st it's not only JM involved but 6 other people for writing. Second, there are a lot of word plays done. He had 3-4 sample lyrics, like we can see in that preview, and selected BABY, COME AND FOLLOW ME because that's what suits the vibe and melody more, it goes more with the flow, maybe producer though it's more appealing while listening ? Like he didn't even had 'she' in original lyrics drafts but added she to make it even better. Imagine if LC didn't had 'she saying....' it sounds like it lacks something as a iconic starting isn't it ? Rn 'she's saying baby saenggak hajima' is considered iconic opening to a song that you only have to type 'she saying... ' for lyrics to pop up lol. That's what the talent of producer and writer is 🤌

Third, in previous trailer he was in dilemma on which word he should use in FACE OFF... on whether he should use 'ordinary story' or something else. So yeah lot of replacements and corrections were done while reaching the final lyrics.. if you have written story, poem, essays or any type of literature you will know. It's not just about saying your story 100% as it is.. then it will be autobiography lol. This is art.. which is flexible and should please the listener/ viewer also. Just like how they add cinematic moments to 'based on a real story' movies.

So no matter who try to make his album about someome else, breakup or whatever idc because he clearly said what it is 🤷‍♀️ now it's upto others interpretation, ik there will be dummy y/n tweets to get likes 🤷‍♀️

Hi anon,

By "him" you mean Jimin, right?

If so...

Yes, it all comes down to people that consume music just for fun and people who will go deep into it to try to understand what the writer is trying to say. Not everyone will look into song meanings, especially since Jimin has always been vague about FACE and more about Like Crazy.

I agree with all the points you make.

I wish I had written my thoughts on FACE but...

Like Crazy is Jimin singing to Jimin. "She" is Jimin, and "baby" is Jimin.

Thats the entire point of the song and mv..and the choreo. It's the struggle between himself, experimenting that loneliness and wanting to stay in it.

There really isn't room for anyone else in that struggle.

Like Crazy is more complex than people think. You really need to have all the information for it, otherwise, it seems like a basic love/break up song or whatever say it is.

Thanks for sharing.

Edit to add: wait...I just read your ask again. Letter is about Jk.