#and to everyone else i am the Happy :) Guy who is Never Sad so like SIKE lol

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s6 episode 10 thoughts

hmm… scully seems to be black and white in the image for this episode. maybe she has had this power to turn greyscale the whole time and she has simply never chosen to wield it until now. how fascinating of her!

ah, i see that the one after this is likely a two-parter, based on titles alone. so i had better focus now before things get crazy.

the description here emphasizes that scully will be the one pursuing this photographer!! i hope that bodes well for our girl!! i need lots of scully time!! or else terrible things happen to me!!

post-episode thoughts: we need to release the cut of this episode where mulder and scully team up to destroy this ritter fellow. i know mulder had to physically restrain himself from choking that dude out. frankly, he usually has FAR less self-control, so this was a big step for him.

but first and foremost, this was a scully episode. and there is so much i want to say. about living!! and dying!! and loving!! and what scully wants for herself!!! and i am sad, but i am pondering!!! and i want her to be happy!!! and in the process of editing my notes, i got myself so worked up over the whole thing that i simply cannot articulate anything!!!! which is such a shame, because if i had words, i would use them!!! at length!!

we open in new york city, where a woman gets help pushing a shopping cart out of an elevator to deliver some mail. mail time!!! wait. who is behind her?

get away from her. she is working. STOP FOLLOWING HER. I’M SERIOUS. now the elevator is taking too long to come get her…. and the creepy guy gets in. GET OUT OF THERE. YOU’RE MAKING ME ANGRY.

why can creepy man see everyone in black and white? until he steps out of the elevator, and all of the color returns.

oh shoot. he gets out and then the elevator starts breaking. so he takes the STAIRS. and it falls!!!! 

he’s taking a picture of the collapsed elevator?? with the bodies in it??? 

now who does that help….?

why is he documenting it… is he working for OSHA or something…..? 

shortened intro, you will not sneak your tricks past me.

someone else is doing a background check here at the FBI!! are scully and mulder free?? well, they’re stuck on the same floor, so probably not. mulder is on the phone and fiddling with his pen.

no; they, too, are sadly stuck performing background checks. this is so sad!!! she can save lives!!!! and they use her for this!!!

she asks if mulder is ready to quit and he says “no. that would make way too many people way too happy” <- LMAO well, that is entirely understandable

ohhh, she gets a strange call and is on the move. she was asked to go to kersh’s office!! this cannot be good!! he hates her!! and she was the only one called!

OOO, WE SEE HER FILE. she’s 5 foot 2!!! i didn’t know that!!! but i figured she was somewhere in that area. and she lives in annapolis, maryland. like learning that mulder lives in alexandria, i do not know enough about geography to know what that means.

seems she was brought on in 1990 as an instructor of forensic pathology, and she was recruited right from the university of maryland. i did know this. but not the years during which it happened. 

ARGH, i wish this screen wasn’t so dark so i could SEE. it says something about physics. BA in physics?? ARGH! this is so frustrating. mulder had described her thesis as her “graduate thesis”, so maybe she did physics undergrad, physics grad school, then med school, then FBI. 

well. it’s not focusing other than that, so i can’t make any conclusions unless kersh announces what he sees inside. because he is the one reading her file.

some agent named ritter is here from new york. who are you, man? he found an old crime scene photo of a woman who passed away from an overdose. but the clock in the photo is 45 minutes earlier than her listed time of death. scully points out that a clock can be wrong. why is this ritter man, like, quizzing her?

hmm!!! from the newspaper, the other photograph of the body shows a totally different time, an hour and a half later!!! that is very weird. from the same photographer, too. i’m guessing he wasn’t just hanging there for 2 hours and spacing out his picture taking.

alfred fellig is the photographer. ritter thinks that maybe he poisoned the woman and photographed her for personal pleasure, then came back later to do his job for the police and photographed her AGAIN. and while scully says that is “quite a theory”, there are 3 other photos of fellig's that show very different times according to different negatives.

she says there’s no consistent MO, and he says there is no consistent anything. and he wants her help. kersh asks him to leave. what is afoot here….

“i would say he has a promising career ahead of him. so did you… at one time” <- OH MY GOD??? 

(furious scully face)

“AGENT MULDER and i will begin immediately” <- OH!!! she stood right up for him!!! what a good friend!!

but kersh says he is a lost cause. and that he hopes she isn't as well.

so now she has to go to new york city with this RANDOM GUY. oh, i’m pissed off FOR HER!! kersh must be trying to separate them….

fellig is getting off a bus and watching some guy have what appears to be a heart attack. heart attack (or coughing fit? chest pain?) guy is in black and white!! 

he goes somewhere and gets some mail, patting his head with a cloth while fellig watches out the window. and he grabs his arm!! and falls!!!! AND FELLIG COMES CLOSER TO WATCH????

he pulls out his camera and takes a bunch of pictures of the dying guy, who he sees in black and white. very weird.

mulder is looking through a bunch of photos on his computer. ohhh, it looks like he found the pictures from fellig. “mulder. what are you doing?” “being nosy. eating my heart out. they’re sending you on an x file” <- OHHH, HE LOOKS SO SAD AND LEFT OUT :(

“it’s not an x file” “that’s not what i’m reading”

“i’m thinking murder by telekinesis. i’m thinking maybe a shamanistic death touch. i’m thinking about the muslim superstition that to photograph someone is to steal their soul” <- OHHH, LET HIM ON THE CASE :( 

fascinating look into how he starts gathering leads based on the little information he knows about the case and his wealth of memorized strange facts....

he thinks they’re splitting them up!!!! and he’s so sad!!! oh!! she tries to tell him it’s a one-time thing, but he isn’t buying it.

she bites her lip, closes his tabs as agent ritter walks in, and introduces them. he very visibly wants to beat the guy with a hammer. and makes a point of calling him by his first name.

jump to new york city. ritter and scully are asking some cops about fellig. he has yearly renewals for his job a very long time, and he’s been doing it since 1964!!! he doesn’t seem to have aged. 

OH! this ritter guy seems fine enough, but he called her "dana", and that made me flinch. he doesn’t seem to think it’s that weird fellig hasn’t aged at all.

meanwhile, some other dude is being chased and calling for help. whoever is chasing him pulls out a knife and kills him!!! and fellig is there to take pictures of the scene!!

but the murderer finds fellig and starts stabbing him…… he steals fellig’s camera as the blood pours everywhere. but fellig gets up!!! and pulls the knife out of his own back!!! ack!!!! 

the blood from his body is red and didn’t cause any gassing, so i don’t think he’s one of the shape-shifting aliens, but maybe he’s some sort of vampire or vampire-like creature?? maybe he sucks energies from the photos of dying people he takes??

ritter and scully find the knife with fellig’s prints on them.

“what’s this?” “a whole lotta blood” “yeah, i got that” <- LMAOOOOO, do not separate her from her bonded pair or she will be mad. scully clearly does not think there is a second victim because there is no second body.

ritter says it is “january 4th”. so does this take place BEFORE rain king, somehow? or did we jump ahead a year? you know what? i’m gonna try not to think about it. 

that seems like a weird detail to include for it to just prove the timeline wrong.

(i'm still annoyed about this 24 hours later btw)

they’re interviewing fellig. scully watches from the corner. he says he saw someone stealing a kid’s shoes and tried to run him off. he claims he touched the knife after the murderer left. 

OHHH, she picks up on the fact that he is in pain and is closing in on him like a shark smelling blood. yeahhhh, noir detective. ritter seems fascinated by this but like, come on, we all are. he’s not special.

fellig confesses to being cut. and she helps take off his shirt to see the gashes. ritter says to get his blood drawn and take pictures.

“hey, i’m confused. i thought we were trying to bust this guy, not look for reasons to let him go” “i thought we were looking for the truth” <-YEAH, YOU TELL HIM 🔥 

he gets pissed and leaves

AWWWWW, MULDER CALLS HER AND SAYS IN A STUPID VOICE THAT THEY USED TO SIT NEXT TO EACH OTHER AT THE FBI :,) AWWWW, LOOK AT HER TIRED SMILE!!!

WAIT, WHY DOES HE KNOW ABOUT THE STABBING, LMAO????? “i told you, i’m nosy” <- WHAT DOES HE KNOW??

they found another murderer’s prints on the knife and fellig’s blood all over the place… yeah. so fellig probably isn’t killing these people outright.

DID HE HACK INTO THE NYPD DATABASE SOMEHOW?? LMAOOOOO???

NO, HE GOT THE FILES FROM KERSH SOMEHOW, AND HE SEES THAT FELLIG HAS A HEALING FACTOR. LMAOOOO, oh he is gonna get in TROUBLE!!

but he says kersh has (mostly) nice things to say about her. which is kind of him to add.

he whines his way into doing a background check on the murderer, saying it’s what he does now. and you can tell she wants to say no, but also knows that saying no to him won’t do a damn thing, lmao.

why does he have access to kersh’s files….?

scully is joining ritter in a car at 1 am. seems he’s doing a stakeout on fellig. ritter tells her to have a LOVELY evening in a way that seems like he really hates her. man. i thought he was kinda chill at the start of this episode. except for the way he was quizzing her. and ignoring fellig not aging. maybe he was a jerk all along and i simply tried to be kind.

time for scully to flip through some more murder photos. OH NO!! she hears the camera clicking in the distance… and ritter just walked away!!! IS HE GONNA BE DEAD???

she knocks on fellig’s door and says “explain this” LMAO, get those answers!! how did he take a photo of a murder an hour before the police arrived?! 

she says he needs to explain himself or he will not know a moment’s peace. and trust that she means it.

fellig says to take a ride with her, which has me scared. and then he drives her around for an hour!!! he says he is looking for the shot. 

he finds a woman on the street corner, saying she’s about to die, could be a minute, could be an hour. scully grabs her gun, thinking he’s going to do something nefarious. he says the way they die is always a surprise- he just always knows when. 

“you want me to believe that?”, she asks

but then a man comes toward the woman on the side of the road, and they start fighting. scully gets out of the car! and she grabs the dude!!! he is under arrest!!! i fear she may only fulfill the prophecy somehow… 

she takes a gun off of him, and when he claims it isn’t his and calls her “red”, she slaps him on the face, omfg…. just a little slap…. but it was enough

BUT NO!!! when scully goes to ask the lady on the side of the road if she’s okay, the mystery woman gets hit by a truck!!!

OMG????? and fellig comes in to get the shot…

ritter is mad as HELL with scully when she rolls up with this random dude under arrest. she is also very mad at him!!! she does not need his permission to do her job!!! but he says he has something to show her. 

the murderer who killed that kid over the shoes claims that fellig did it. and scully accuses RITTER of making the STORY UP, OHHHH!!!

“fellig is a murderer. whether or not he did this specific one, i don‘t care-“ WELL, YOU SHOULD???

omfg… is this some sort of moral test for scully? is kersh torturing her like this is the good place? he says he knows the judge and he’ll get the warrant

OHHHH!!! “you know, kersh warned me about you.” “uh, he did?” “yeah, you and your partner. god knows his reputation precedes him, so i guess i should have seen this coming. you muck up my case, and kersh will hear about it. are we clear, dana?” “scully.”

WHEW!!!! THE WAY SHE SAID HER NAME ALL CLEAR AND QUIET GAVE ME GOOSEBUMPS

you tell that pathetic rat.

“and we’re done with this conversation” YES MA’AM 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

wow. still playing this on loop in my brain, 24 hours later. the implications... the defining of herself... the resistance... yeah.

phone call time!! it’s mulder!!! she admits that it is an x file, which prompts him to sound worried. “what happened?”

mulder says that fellig is 149! under the name henry strand, someone applied for a press license way back in the day, and henry’s prints match fellig’s!! and before henry, there is an L.H. rice who was born in 1849 and has the same fingerprints!!

how did he track the fingerprints down… get mulder out of this office and into a research lab, maybe!

“i’m not good at math, but i figure that’s a whole lot of candles on the cake”

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! he doesn’t think he’s good at math!!!

man, i haven’t gotten to do a lore reveal text format like that in a while. that felt nice.

scully finds fellig's age hard to believe, but mulder says she should find him before he vanishes again. she turns up at his apartment and looks so scary, LMAO. 

but she warns him that he will be arrested in 2 hours and charged with murder. which makes her seem to be the the good guy here, and not as scary as her angry face would suggest.

fellig says he just takes the pictures, but she hits him with “what you showed me was a contemptible lack of compassion for another human being. you showed me that you profit off of people’s deaths” <- OHHHH, GET HIM!! that strong moral code kicks in again!

“now, why shouldn’t you go to prison?” <- oooo, she’s playing hardball. but he says they’re lucky!!! and he doesn’t take them, “he” does. girl, who the hell is "he"?

fellig must be jealous that these other people can die… 

scully follows him into his darkroom. i feel such fondness for her as she moves the curtain. 

he points to someone in the photograph and says “he’s the one who takes them” BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! 

it’s a glimpse of death itself. he’s trying to photograph death!!!

“mr. fellig, i know you know more about photography than i do, but this is just a lens flare” “you’re right, i do know more about photography than you” <- LMAO, okay, that did make me laugh.

she asks him why take a picture of death, and he says he wants to look into his face so he can die. nothing will kill him. he's tried it all.

hey man, i’m unfortunately really distracted by the terrible feelings of tenderness that scully has sparked in me right at this very moment. yeah, idk. i don’t really want to focus on this guy right now. it’s very sad, genuinely, but look at her face. 

he says he doesn’t want to be here, and he got left behind. 

“you know, i don’t believe you” “yes you do. that’s why you’re here” <- OHHHH, he called her out…. the cracks in her disbeliever facade keep growing… is it that she doesn’t believe him, or that her greater commitment to needing to know the truth and therefore do the morally correct thing in handling this murder case brought her here?? can they be separated???

she flips through his photos, touching one of a young flapper. she asks how he knows when they’ll die, and he says he knows.

scully has to step outside. and she calls mulder, asking if louis brady (name on the flapper photo) was also one of fellig's names. he says no, but there is a big gap before 1939, so it could be.

but somehow, fellig disappeared!!! just kidding, he’s back. he wanted to get his film. i thought he vanished for a few seconds there.

mulder is in the FBI archives at 9:30 am. ahhh, i wish i could go there. and he finds fellig’s photo!! it shows him wanted under the name louis brady for double murder!!!

mulder calls ritter when he learns of this news, because he cannot get ahold of her. he tells him about how fellig killed two patients and walked away!!! he tells him to find agent scully NOW. and ritter, of course, is shocked that this murder happened like 80 years ago, but whatever. you better go check on her, ritter.

meanwhile, scully is still with fellig. she asks “how can you have too much life? there’s too much to learn, to experience” and this hits hard because she, of course, was very recently dying.

(moaning in pain as i think about scully wanting to experience and learn everything there is this world has to offer.......)

he says you start to wonder what everyone else gets to know

OH, SHE ASKS ABOUT LOVE??? he wanted to look up his wife 40 years ago. and he couldn’t remember her name. 

(scully, you damn romantic...)

“love lasts 75 years, if you’re lucky. and you don’t want to be around when it’s gone” <- oh stop… you’re going to make her cry…

but, is he actually going to try and kill her…..?

WAIT! she turned black and white… and tells her to count her blessings.

IS HE GOING TO KILL HER BECAUSE HE WANTS TO HELP HER???

(author's note: no)

she wants to know how to prove his thing- that he can live forever, and that he can sense when people are going to die before they do. fellig says someone took his place. he had yellow fever. and he’s getting his camera around…

he saw death back when he was sick. and he saw him dancing around the room, taking people. but death didn’t take him. 

a nurse sat with him, and when death came, he looked away. she looked at him instead. and the fever broke, and she was the one that died. 

he tells her she’s very lucky. she gets in his face and insists she is NOT going to die. she tells him to turn it off. he took her phone!!!

he says death is coming and he needs to make her peace…. 

but it’s ritter!!!! he fires his gun at fellig!!!

SHE COLLAPSES???? WHY IS SHE BLEEDING??????? there is blood coming from her throat???? did ritter miss and shoot her instead???

fellig tries to take a photo of her with his other camera, and asks if she sees "him". he says don’t look, close your eyes. and he holds her hand in his. AND HE LOOKS INTO DEATH INSTEAD. and he gasps softly…. oh my god…. he finally dies.

scully is in bed in the hospital a week later. mulder is waiting, telling ritter he’s a lucky man. which is better than i expected.

OH, he grabs her hand. and he sits on her bed. and he smiles, saying her doctor says she is making an amazing recovery. but she seems so sad, and in so much pain

he says “death only looks for you once you seek its opposite” <- OHHHH my god…

and we fade to black.

so i rewatched the scene where scully gets hurt because at first i couldn't tell what was happening, and this DUMBASS ritter shot fellig, and the bullet went STRAIGHT THROUGH HIM and INTO SCULLY???? like. what the HELL WAS HE THINKING????

holy fuck, if i were mulder i would have done a lot more than tell him he was a lucky guy. look at her enduring ritter's presence while she’s in her hospital bed and he was such an awful person the whole time they worked together. i would have told him to fuck off and let me recover from the bullet YOU put in me in peace.

and mulder grabbing her hand. and the flowers in her room. and his smile at her news. but she’s so sad. people don’t live forever. 

she wants to live, and she wants to have a life, and holy HELL need to lay down.

oh my god… this episode was super dark. and usually i don’t really like the dark ones. but it has scully, so i liked it better. because we got to contemplate her worldview. 

and she wants to LIVE. she wants a LIFE. she wants LOVE. the way she got in fellig’s face and REFUSED to let him take her picture… the way she tried to understand how he could be jealous of death, because she always wants to understand and to learn and empathize… the way she helped fellig, and fellig helped her by telling her to look away from death, so he could look instead… oh my god.

we need to do something about this ritter guy. hopefully, he will simply be fired. you can’t go around shooting your own agents. OH! and the way he didn’t care about justice at all- how he got the warrant because he knew the judge, and he told scully that if she got in his way he’d go to kersh… and how she told him her name is SCULLY and this conversation is OVER…

oh!!!

and mulder helping over the phone; mulder using her sleuthing skills to find out that fellig WAS a murderer and she WAS in danger, and he called ritter immediately and said you had BEST find her. and i can only imagine how he went to bed that night thinking of all the ways he wanted to kill ritter. how he sat by his phone for her. bouncing his basketball until the hospital sent him word of her recovery. 

now, i’m still puzzled as to why he has access to kersh’s files. perhaps this is some sort of clue. but to what? i cannot say.

i just love scully SO MUCH. she saw that the woman on the side of the road was going to die, and she stepped right in and did everything she could, even if it was ultimately doomed. she couldn’t sit back. and she wants a life. she’s in love and she wants a life and she wants a house and a dog. and to save people. and to do work that is satisfying. and all of these things she has been denied.

(screams into my hands)

she’s been slowly starting to believe- maybe not in the traditional sense, but in the sense that she recognizes something she cannot understand is afoot, and she finds herself curious about how and why. i found it very interesting that fellig called her out for this and gibson did as well. and we know that gibson can read minds, so we know it to be true. i don’t think “believes” in the same use of the word that mulder does, but she is finding it harder to compartmentalize, maybe. and can you blame her? i mean, she is miss "there HAS to be a scientific explanation for this". belief not in the supernatural sense, but in the sense that there is so much more to learn and understand and experience. be it love and life or the guy who lives forever and can somehow sense death. maybe the spiritual and the scientific aren't that separate.

god. this really was a scully episode, and i am so grateful. i deserved this. even though it wasn’t one where she laughs and enjoys the gift of being alive, we still got to dive into her thoughts and emotional state. AND we got bonus angsty mulder- angst about them being separated, and angst about nearly losing her. is this not the ultimate kind of mulder angst? 

i shall go to bed a bit sad this evening, but content. 

as i edit my notes to make them readable the day after watching this, there is still so much on my mind. in the sense that i want to write a thinkpiece on what this means for scully's character. maybe this will be a turning point, when she once again confronts her own mortality. how easily death can come. maybe she'll tell him how she feels because she realizes that now is all she has. maybe she'll confront kersh and tell him to get them off of their nonsense assignment so she can go back to saving people. maybe she'll think about all of the times she felt so certain that she was going to die in the past and once again try and make a meaning for why she didn't.

i am also thinking about how sad mulder was when kersh separated them and then how horrible he must have felt when he heard that she was SHOT in his absence. and there was nothing that he could do for a week while he could only wait to hear if she was okay. and then he drove up there as soon as he could. and he KNEW that it was ritter's fault she was lying in that bed fighting for her life, but he somehow managed to say only how lucky he was instead of slamming his head through the drywall. and how he held her hand, smiling, so happy to see her, taking his spot on her bed, thinking of how he loves her and how many times her has nearly lost her. and her thinking the same thing. and neither of them saying anything. just touching.

the feelings i am experiencing are large and difficult to put into words, which is frustrating because, like AUGH! (gestures wildly) do you get what i mean?! do you SEE what i am saying?!?! (grabs your shoulders and shakes them vigorously)

please share your thoughts with me, especially if you are a scully girl like myself. to me, this felt sort of like scully's version of paper hearts, in a way. at least, i see some parallels. even if i cannot elaborate at this time because my brain is flopping.

[moss-sauce]

ah i see. only rich and popular people make it to where they wanna go. i get it now

[noxitsnox]

if we get too closе, would it be okay?

hyun-ju x gn!reader - highschool au

summery: hyun-ju came out to her- now ex- girlfriend who spread the rumor around the whole school.

tags: trans/homophobia (the word tr**ny is used one (1) time), bullying, hurt/comfort, lots of fluff i promise, let me know if i missed anything!

a/n: i am obsessed it's not fair. this is pre-t but i'm still going to use she/her pronouns for hyun-ju <3 also english is not my first language and this isn't proof read, so i apologize for any mistake. @exactlyinfp

hyun-ju didn't want to go to school that day. her girlfriend, ex girlfriend now, broke up with her just because she trusted her, because she didn't want to hide anymore and she believed that her girlfriend of almost two years would understand. but she didn't. she called her all kind of names and blocked her everywhere.

she hoped this was where it ended. that they could just ignore each other and keep living life as it is. it would have been so much easier that way. but the moment she entered the school hallway she knew something happened. the looks she was getting were strange, full of hate. definitely not the looks you receive when you just broke up. she tried to ignore it and walked to her class with her head down.

it was early. a lot of time passed before some of her classmates entered the room. maybe it was better if they stayed outside. their chatter died down as soon as they saw her. one of them, who was seated next to her, took his desk and dragged it as far away from her as possible. “you're sick”, he said under his breath. “stay away from me.”

she stayed silent as the realization hit her. if he knew, everyone else did too. fighting tears, she forced herself to keep cool.

slowly people filled the room. everyone ignored her, even her so called friends looked at her with disgust. only y/n seemed to be acting as if nothing happened. maybe they didn't know about it yet. they’ll turn their back to you like everyone else, she thought.

“oh hyun-ju, how are you?”

y/n waited for an answer that never arrived. so, with a sad smile, they spoke again. “it's fine. you don't have to talk with me. you have my number in case you change your mind.”

———

for the rest of the week she ignored everyone. she was barely alive.

every morning she entered school feeling like a criminal. her locker in the changing rooms was filled with insults. some guys even tried to push her on the ground. that was the only moment she reacted. she could ignore words, but physical aggression was were she drew the line.

every night she cried herself to sleep, wishing she had someone on her side, someone to talk to. her family didn't know about what was happening in school and she hoped for it to stay that way or she wouldn't even have a home anymore.

it was on saturday afternoon that she lost it. she was out, getting some groceries for her mother at the local market, and she saw her ex with her friends. she tried to hide before they could notice her, but she wasn't fast enough.

"oh god, isn't that that tranny you used to date?", one said pointing at her.

"don't say that out loud, please. what will people think of me?"

hyun-ju ran away without even taking food from the market stall. she kept running until their voice became indistinguishable echoes.

she sat on the side walk and took out her phone, looking for y/n contact. she started crying, the tears blurring her vision.

their words came back to her. you have my number in case you change your mind. were they serious? she hesitantly called them, hoping for the best.

y/n didn't take long to answer and for that she was grateful.

"hey, you called!"

"i- yes... listen can you, can you come here?"

"oh hyun-ju, you're crying? is everything okay?"

"i don't even know anymore. please, just come here." and with that she hung up the phone, quickly shared the position with them.

she hugged her knees as she waited.

———

y/n was happy that hyun-ju called, even if the situation wasn't ideal. even though they weren't intimate, they cared about her and it made them sad to see her suffer. especially if she was being ridiculed for something beyond her control.

y/n tried to get to her as fast as possible. they went out in their sweats without bothering to put on something nicer. they didn't like the idea of hyun-ju seeing them in that state, but they also realized that they had to put vanity aside at the moment.

as soon as she saw y/n she got up and hugged. they remained in that position for a while. hyun-ju cried and cried while y/n rubbed her back, doing what they could to comfort her.

"sorry... i don't know why i did that", she said as she let go of them.

"you don't have to apologize. do you feel better now?"

"i do, thanks."

an awkward silence fell until y/n suggested they start walking with a wave of their hand, "do you wanna talk about what's happening?"

"i just want to forget about it. can we talk about something else?"

"oh sure", y/n looked at her and smiled. "do you wanna hear about this manga i'm reading?"

a/n: i realize that for an xreader the reader is barely there 😬 sorry. let me now if you liked it!!

[talesofesther]

make it taste like love

Loki x Reader

Summary: You felt him before you even met him. And despite the pain he carried around, his soul was one of the most beautiful you'd ever seen.

A/N: A spur-of-the-moment idea that I simply couldn't ignore. I really hope you guys enjoy it, and yes I'm working on part two of my series with Loki as well. <3

Word count: 6k

Masterlist

The battle had left its mark on everyone, both physically and mentally. All the lives that were lost wouldn't be brought back. But everyone took solace in the fact that Thanos and his army were no longer a threat. And now, it was a time for rebuilding.

Wakanda's grassland was a battlefield. Bodies of both friend and foe lay scattered on the ground. The mourning loomed heavy in the air, you could feel it weighing down on your chest, your throat, and lungs. It was suffocating, prickling into your skin like needles. Yet you still walked, your boots crushing the grass underneath while you avoided stepping on stretched arms and legs, you needed to make sure no one else remained left behind.

A few feet away, the mad titan who once threatened the entire universe lay lifeless on the ground, his head disconnected from his body. For him, you felt no pity.

King T'Challa was both happy and sad to see you and the others leave. Happy, because it meant the end of a war; sad, because of having to say farewell to dear friends. But you, Steve, Natasha, and Banner were needed back in town, back at the Avengers compound; to welcome Tony back on earth, and because Thanos' attack had reverberated in many other places. It seemed like the Avengers were back in the game.

─── ·❆· ───

This morning was a gloomy one. Grey skies peeked behind your curtains in the early hours of the day, maybe it would rain soon. It's been two weeks since the battle, and you were glad to see that most people were recovering; each in their own way, but recovering nonetheless.

You were already up when the clock hit 7:30 AM, holding a warm cup of coffee between your hands, and staring out into the compound's driveway and past the treeline through the big windows of the kitchen. Today would be the day that Thor came back, he'd been helping with the settling of his people in New Asgard until now, but you've heard about him not wanting to be king anymore. You were happy for him, you never did think that a ruler's life suited him anyway—and you missed your friend.

"He gets one chance, Rogers. One chance and that's it." Tony's voice suddenly caught your attention as he stepped into the kitchen, you turned your back to the window so you could watch as your resident Iron Man poured himself a cup of coffee without looking at his mug. Steve was right beside him, his hands on his hips as he sighed quietly, already all too used to Tony's moods.

"Yes, one chance, he proved himself enough by helping us fight against Thanos, I suppose we owe him the benefit of the doubt," Steve agreed, still holding his voice calm.

With a smirk on your lips, you approached your teammates. "What's going on, guys?" You leaned on the kitchen island, taking a sip of your coffee.

Tony ran his tongue over his bottom lip, his expression less than pleased as he took a sip of his own coffee before saying; "point break is bringing his beloved brother to our home." He shrugged, and said in a quieter tone, "Says he changed or something."

"Loki will be staying with us?" You raised an eyebrow. The attack on New York happened before you joined the team, but you were familiar enough with it to be wary of Thor's brother, even if Thor did speak more nicely of him recently. Still, you had never actually met Loki to form your own opinion.

"That's… to be decided," Tony grumbled, shooting a glance toward Steve. "But yes, pretty much. And, by the way, Strange wasn't happy about having reindeer games back in the city either."

"Wow, you guys finally agree on something," you snickered.

Tony mouthed a 'don't' to you, before Steve said; "Strange knows we'll handle it if anything happens, but Thor vouches for him, so…"

You gave Steve a soft smile, and as much as you understood Tony's wariness, you agreed with the Captain. Loki didn't have the best of pasts with the City, but his help in the recent battle was one of many game-changers. He deserved a second chance.

Strangely enough, you found yourself excited to meet the God of Mischief. It was in your nature to analyze people, watch them from afar, and learn about the things they'd rather not say out loud. And someone like Loki, who had both once tried to take over your planet and now helped in saving it, was bound to raise some curiosity.

No more than an hour passed before you heard Thor's strong voice all the way from the living room. A small smile instantly came to your lips as you discarded your book, got up from the couch, and put on your slippers, rushing to the main doors to greet him.

Before you could turn the last corner, however, you came to an abrupt halt. Your breath got caught up in your throat and you had to lean back on the wall for support. Clutching the fabric of your shirt right above your heart, you were glad that this particular hallway was currently empty.

You could hear Thor's voice just around the corner, Tony was there too, but their words were faint and far away. Your vision was suddenly a little blurry, and underneath your palm you could feel your heart beating frantically.

See, this was nothing that hadn't happened before, after all, you are an empath. But a feeling this heavy rarely comes unannounced, unwanted. It briefly reminded you of when you first discovered your power, when you had no control and could pick up on pain, anger, joy, and pleasure that were not your own even if you didn't want to. Yet now, after years of living with it, you had learned to dose your perception of the feelings around you; now, when you weren't willingly focusing, other people's emotions felt more like a gentle whisper, a gush of chilly wind on your skin—something you were able to ignore if you wanted to.

But this overwhelming sadness; this emptiness, and loss, and pain; it came to you with such force that you were not able to block out. Seconds felt like hours, until the surprise of the new feeling passed and you took back control. Whispers of it remained, lurking in your stomach and in the back of your throat, but with a bit of extra focus, you were able to handle it.

And once your mind was finally clear again, it hit you. Who did you catch these feelings from?

You took a step around the corner cautiously, hands buried in your pockets as your eyes roamed your surroundings. There was no one around besides Tony, Thor, and Loki.

You knew it right away. You were familiar with the emotions radiating from Tony and Thor; but him, the raven-haired trickster, he was new, and if you didn't feel empathy for him before, you did now.

Loki held himself immaculately, a straight posture and a serene expression on his face. You had no idea how he did it, how he was able to hold all of those feelings in and still look so well put together; because one glance into his soul and you already felt like crying.

There was a light drizzle falling outside, maybe that's why Loki's black blazer seemed to be shining under the bright lights of the entrance hall. His eyes—bright and ocean-green—were settled on you; the realization got you feeling hyperaware of each movement you made. Even his gaze was heavy.

Thor's booming voice calling your name captured your attention then, he had a big smile on his face and before you knew it he already had your feet off the floor as he held you in a hug.

You laughed against his shoulder, hugging him back just as tight and telling him all about how much you missed him. Still, when you let go, your eyes found Loki's again, he hadn't stopped looking at you once.

─── ·❆· ───

The opinions about Loki's presence in the compound were mixed, but most of your teammates seemed fine with it; truth be told, no one paid much attention to him. As you'd expected, Loki's room was on your floor, because that's where Thor stayed too; as well as Tony, Natasha, and Yelena.

It's been a few days since his arrival, yet you haven't had the opportunity to properly speak with him, alone. But you've been feeling him a lot. Whether it was you subconsciously focusing on him more, or something else, it seemed like your body was more in tune and connected with his than you've ever been with anyone else. You picked up on a few of his emotions even if you weren't actively trying to; you felt his bouts of uneasiness when someone would stare at him for too long, you felt his gentle serenity whenever he'd sit near the windows to read a book, you felt his sparks of joy when people greeted him with a good morning or asked if he'd want coffee; but most of all, you still felt that lingering sadness that followed him everywhere he went, a weight he seemed to be all too used to having around.

In some ways, you felt as if you were invading his privacy, and that bothered you. During the day you tried to keep your mind as busy as you could to keep yourself from feeling him; in the late hours of the night though, when you were trying to sleep, there wasn't much you could do.

You have been tossing and turning in bed for probably about two hours now, drifting in and out of sleep. The crescent moon just outside your window seemed to be taunting you, amused with your misfortune. You scoffed as you glared at the natural satellite—great, now you were arguing with the cosmos.

Loki was having a nightmare. You could tell by the rapid beating of his heart and the cold sweat running down his forehead—your abilities went way beyond simply feeling other people's emotions, but sometimes you wished they wouldn't. It's not the first time that you've felt Loki's restless sleep in the short time he's been here. Your heart ached for him; it got you wanting to alleviate his pain.

But you couldn't do that, so you got up from your bed, put on your fluffy slippers, and made a beeline for the kitchen. The air outside was chilly, biting at your warm skin and making you shiver. At this hour of the night, the compound was completely dark and quiet, a big contrast to how it was when the sun was up. You asked Friday to turn on one of the lights in the kitchen, giving the space a dim-lit look as the single light bled into the adjacent living room.

You rubbed the sleep from your eyes, humming the lyrics of the song stuck in your head as you reached for the upper cabinet to grab a mug so you could make yourself some tea. When you turned around again though, a gasp escaped your mouth and you nearly dropped the mug you were holding. You cursed quietly under your breath, placing a hand over your heart; if you weren't fully awake before, you sure were now. "You scared me," you muttered, trying a small smile.

The reason for your lack of sleep stood before you, with dark green slippers that matched his button-up pajama shirt, and his hair the messier you've ever seen it be. "Sorry, it was not my intention," Loki smirked back at you.

It hit you that this was finally the first time you were alone with him, and you'd been caught off guard. You tapped your mug, opening your lips but no words came out. Loki's eyes remained on you, unwavering, yet his gaze was so… soft, gentle even; his eyebrows weren't creased and he patiently waited for you with his hands in the pockets of his checkered pajama pants. He didn't look like the god you usually saw roaming the halls during the day.

"It's alright. I was just making tea," you said finally, gesturing to your mug, "would you like me to make one for you too?"

Loki's surprise at your offer was so great that you felt it in your bones. What was he expecting you to do?

His lips parted only slightly and he straightened his posture before saying; "I would- yes, I would like that."

You couldn't help the full smile that came to your lips and crinkled the side of your eyes, "great, sit down, it'll be ready in just a moment."

The warm mug between your hands warmed up your skin. It felt nice, sitting like this with Loki; in a quiet kitchen with only you and him, and just the lonely light to your left softly highlighting his features in front of you. It was a peaceful silence, and you couldn't help but check if he felt it too.

The rhythm of his heart was calm, his soul felt light and at ease; not completely, but the most you've ever felt from him.

"Why are you here?" His sultry voice snapped you back to reality.

"Uh- I'm sorry?" You frowned.

"Why are you here, if I may ask?" Loki tilted his head amusedly, his fingers tracing the brim of his mug. "Thor mentioned you had… abilities, but he never specified what they are."

Now it was your turn to be surprised by his curiosity for you. "Well, to put it simply, I'm an empath," you told him.

Loki blinked, once, twice, at your response. He looked at you for a moment before inquiring further; "and to put it completely?"

You smirked then, folding your arms over the table. "I can feel people's emotions, if I want to; their anger, happiness, hesitation, fear. But I can also feel their heartbeats, the blood cursing through their bodies. I can tell when they're lying or telling the truth, if they're tired or hurt. And sometimes, I can influence those emotions," you paused, hesitating for a beat, "bring fear, or… take away pain."

Loki grew tense after learning of what you could do. To be fair, most people did at first, you were used to it. Be he felt different, his heartbeat sped up and stayed that way. He'd put his guard up, and it brought a pang of hurt to your chest.

"Are you always feeling everything then?" He narrowed his eyes.

"Gods, no," you breathed, "at first I did, and it was awful. But with time, I learned to control it." You tried smiling at him, but his eyes were downcast, focused on his mug.

You bit your lower lip in nervousness. Looking past Loki and out the window, you could see the first signs of the sunrise peeking over the horizon, dark skies turning a soft lilac and blue; you'd been here longer than you realized.

When Loki glanced up at you again, his bright eyes still held sparks of that same softness from earlier. He pursed his lips in a smile; "thank you for the tea." And with that, he got up and left, leaving you in the company of the first birds who always sang in the mornings.

─── ·❆· ───

You made Loki nervous. It wasn't a bad kind of nervous, it was the kind that sped up his heart and made his cold hands feel clammy.

Out of everyone in the compound, you were the kindest. You'd always shoot him a smile whenever you'd pass by each other in the hallways; you'd always save a seat for him at the table; you always respected his silence whenever you came into the library and caught him reading his book, saying a quiet hello and nothing more, just sitting on one of the armchairs with your own book and allowing him to enjoy his moment, and more recently, your presence too.

When he'd finally learned of your abilities, he got apprehensive, worried even; that you'd pick up on whatever it was that he felt when he was near you, and it would drive you away.

So far, it hasn't happened yet.

The sun was out today, and with it, so was everyone else. In the spacious backyard of the compound, Steve was in charge of the barbecue, and Tony was in charge of the drinks. Natasha had sunglasses covering her eyes while she and Clint bickered over a game of cards; Yelena was sitting beside her sister at the lunch table, however, she seemed to be on Clint's side of the argument. Thor and Banner were laughing together as they made fun of Steve's cooking skills, who tried to defend himself by saying he wasn't actually done yet. Tony looked like he was trying to convince Bucky to drink a dubious-looking beverage, the latter didn't seem too keen on it.

And Loki watched them from afar, from the living room window of his floor. Thor had asked that he join them downstairs, saying something about how he should start trying to fit in and mingle, instead of just existing in the others' presence. Making friends wasn't Loki's forte; as much as he'd fight not to admit it, he was still working up the courage.

With a long sigh, Loki turned around and made his way to the place where he'd been spending most of his free time.

The compound's library was quite huge. One of the few rooms in the whole facility that had warm colors painting the walls and lacked the modern look; tall wooden shelves held thousands of books, a soft beige carpet covered the floor, and there were armchairs and sofas scattered in corners and in-between shelves creating comfortable, isolated nooks for reading. Loki's favorite spot was a worn armchair that stood near one of the big windows, it was surrounded by books that most people didn't read anymore, and the window itself overlooked the treeline in which the sun hid behind at the end of every day; sometimes as he sat there to read, it reminded him of his room back in Asgard.

Loki walked brushing his fingers over the spine of the old books, watching as dust particles danced in the sunlight. But as he rounded the shelf that led to his spot, he abruptly stopped in his tracks, feet glued to the carpet.

You sat cross-legged on the worn armchair, with a thick book lying in your lap that held all of your attention; the sun was shining right behind you, creating a halo above your head and bathing the strands of your hair in golden. You looked like something out of his favorite tale, more enchanting than all of the Midgard poetry books he's ever read.

It seemed like you two were making a habit of bumping into each other unexpectedly.

Loki gulped, squaring his shoulders. A beat passed, and then two, until you finally noticed him from the corner of your eyes. You looked up at him with your eyebrows softly raised in surprise, a gentle smile lifted the sides of your mouth; "Loki, hi."

"Hello," Loki greeted you slowly, his eyes shifting from the book in your lap to your eyes, "shouldn't you be out with the others, enjoying the sun?"

"Should I?" You narrowed your eyes, lazily closing your book and getting up from the armchair. "Shouldn't you?" You asked then, smirking as you raised an eyebrow and took a step towards him.

Loki's heart stumbled inside his chest, he breathed out a laugh. "I'm not big on hangouts."

You hummed, burying your hands in the pockets of your jeans. "Why is that?"

For a moment, Loki dwelled on whether to be honest or come up with an easy lie. But you were looking up at him with such delicacy, such attention, not a trace of hatred or judgment in your warm eyes. It almost looked as if you cared... about him.

Loki breathed in sharply through his nose, the words rolled off his tongue on their own; "I doubt many of your friends would enjoy my presence there."

You blinked up at him, lips parting before you told him quietly; "I would."

There was a distant burning behind Loki's eyes, his mouth felt dry. No one had ever rendered him completely speechless before, yet now, you had done just that. With his silence, you avoided his eyes and ran your tongue over your bottom lip in a motion that he couldn't help but follow.

"And..." You continued, voice sweet as honey, traveling between the bookshelves in the secluded library, "We'll never know if we don't try, right?"

The way you referred to you and him as 'we' got a foreign feeling blossoming inside Loki's chest, all warm and tingly. When you offered him your hand, so you could guide him downstairs to meet the others, he took it.

─── ·❆· ───

After a full week of taking care of the whole city, Saturday nights were a time for having fun and relaxing; aka movie nights with the team. Everyone sat together in the main living room of the compound, Tony had labeled it 'mandatory bonding day'. The room itself was pretty spacious, dimly lit, with two big comfortable couches and a TV that almost covered the whole wall, and a small kitchen right beside it for easy snacks and drinks.

"Right, I'm thinking... Terminator." Tony suggested as he came from the kitchen with an extra large bowl of popcorn in his arms.

"We saw that one already," Steve complained as he fumbled with the remote.

"There are multiple ones," Tony said, smugly, as he plopped himself on the couch and threw popcorn in his mouth.

Thor, who sat beside you, suddenly perked up with a giddy smile on his face; "oh I've always enjoyed that one who has the girl with the long, magic hair." The god gestured to his own hair.

Tony gaped at him, his fingers holding the popcorn were frozen midair. "Tangled?" He exclaimed then, eyebrows raised, "You wanna watch Tangled? in my house?"

You fought to hide a smile. "Technically it's our house," you quipped, after all, you were to blame for Thor's love for the Disney movie.

"Why don't we just watch both? The night is still young," Yelena finally suggested from her spot by the corner of the couch.

As they continued bickering, your eyes finally caught sight of the one you'd been waiting for.

Loki walked into the living room quietly, his socked feet barely making any noise on the expensive flooring. His gaze found yours before he saw anything else in the room, and a gentle, shy smile appeared on his lips.

You'd grown very close, very fast. Loki had started seeking your presence more and more each passing day; during the mornings he'd wait for you with an extra cup of coffee in hand, during the missions it was already routine that you two were a pair, and during the night you never parted ways without him planting a kiss on your forehead first.

Never in your life had you met someone quite like him, who carried such a bruised heart and still managed to be so loving. It made you wonder if anyone had ever bothered to see how beautiful his soul was, for you had fallen in love with it before you even touched his skin.

You gently patted the vacant seat on your left side, lifting the thin blanket covering your legs so Loki could sit down, and once he did you draped part of it over his legs as well.

"What's today's punishment?" Loki smirked, making himself comfortable beside you. His shoulder flush with yours.

"Stop it, movie nights are nice. I know you secretly enjoy them too," you chuckled, bumping his knee with yours. His proximity raised goosebumps all over your skin, and if you weren't so focused on your own feelings, you would've felt how much Loki's heart was racing as well.

"I only come to these because you do too," Loki mumbled, his eyes focused on the TV and a frown appearing on his eyebrows as the first scenes from Tangled played on the screen.

Your breath caught on your throat. He had said it so casually, so easily. You wondered if he had even realized the weight of his own words. "Right," you whispered, a little breathless.

It didn't take long for the only light in the room to be the one coming from the TV. When Tangled hit the 45-minute mark, Tony was already snoring and Thor had finished two bowls of popcorn. You, however, were wide awake and fully aware of Loki's arm resting on the back of the couch. What a cliche move, you thought to yourself, your cheeks burning hot and biting back a smile.

Loki's face as he watched the movie was nothing short of comical, one would think he was watching a period drama; his lips hovering ever so slightly before he'd scoff at a musical scene, his eyes softening as the romance between Rapunzel and Flynn blossomed, the way he mindlessly played with the ends of your hair. You watched him more than you watched the movie, and you didn't miss the way he froze and gulped when you finally rested your head on his shoulder.

─── ·❆· ───

The day had started out fine; a cold yet sunny morning, your fingers brushing Loki's when he handed you your cup of coffee, no eminent trouble in the city, everything was normal and fine; until it took a turn for the worse.

You didn't hear the fight, you didn't know exactly what caused it, but you felt it immediately. Anger, hurt, and pain were suddenly heavy in the air even through the closed door of your bedroom. As soon as a shiver ran up and down your spine you got up and all but ran outside to chase the somber feeling.

The elevator doors of your floor weren't even fully open yet when Loki busted his way through them, Thor hot on his heels.

"I knew it was a mistake coming here," Loki snapped, his steps fast as he put as much distance between himself and Thor as he could, nearly running straight into you in the process.

"You know what, brother," Thor began, he had stopped walking, standing in the middle of the living room, "Maybe it really was a mistake to bring you here, you don't care about anyone but yourself, it's almost as if you enjoy hurting people, you can't help it. It'll always be like this, that's why you're better off on your own." Thor wasn't shouting, but his words rang loudly in the room; his chest heaving when he stopped speaking.

You had held your breath the entire time, gripping the back of a kitchen stool until your knuckles turned white. Thor was angry, you could feel it even without being near him, but he didn't mean what he had said, not entirely. Thor's emotions were a passing wind on your skin though, for who you really felt, stood just a few feet behind you.

Loki had his back turned to his brother when he spoke, and he didn't turn around after. Even without looking at him, you could feel the way he trembled, unsteady hands closed into tight fists to mask his hurt; he gulped back a sob, and kept on walking to his bedroom without a word.

You could choke with the amount of pain radiating off of Loki; heavy, sickening, all-encompassing pain that you felt so vividly in your skin and bones. You only shot Thor an angry glance and muttered; "Damnit Thor," before turning around hastily. You thought you heard Thor calling after you, but you decided to ignore him, your priorities already set.

You ran after Loki, catching up just before his door slammed shut. Taking a deep breath, you walked into his bedroom and softly closed the door behind you with a click.

You'd never actually been in Loki's room before, so you took a single moment to glance around. The room itself was a little bare, with only the necessities such as a double bed, a dresser, a desk, a small bookshelf, and the door that led to his bathroom. You made a mental note to gift him something to liven up his space; maybe a plant.

Loki had his back turned to you still, both his hands resting on his waist as his head hung low. But you knew he knew it was you there with him, by the simple fact that he was allowing you to stay.

The silence was a heavy one, packed with the electricity of two souls tightly holding onto each other. Loki was trying so hard to keep all his pain in control, his shoulders shaking with each breath he took; but you could feel it as if it was your own.

"Loki," you said his name in nothing but breath, testing the waters. You took half a step toward him as you fidgeted with your hands.

He didn't answer. You weren't expecting him to.

You pursed your lips before saying; "he didn't mean it," your voice was choked and took effort to come out, the back of your eyes already burning, "what Thor said. He- he didn't mean it."

A few beats passed, and then; "doesn't matter if he did." Loki's words cracked in the middle, it was the most broken you'd ever heard him sound. "He's right."

"He's not," you told him in the same heartbeat, not a tint of hesitation in your tone.

Loki turned around, his gaze finally finding yours and there were tears pooling at the bottom lid of his bright eyes. "Yes, he is," he took a single big step toward you, nearly closing the distance between you and him. Loki's lips trembled as he struggled to keep talking; "and why is it that you care? What's in it for you?"

He was hurt, and he was frustrated, and he was angry; you knew that. Still, you couldn't help but be taken aback by his question. What could he even mean by that? Did he really believe that all this time that you'd been dancing around each other's feelings, it wasn't real?

"Loki, I-" you stuttered, not knowing how to say it without baring your heart in the process. Your hesitation got Loki avoiding his eyes from yours, and you forced yourself to go on. "There's nothing 'in it for me' I just... care about you."

Still waiting for the other shoe to drop, Loki softly shook his head, scoffing. His tears were a blink away from spilling, he felt as if barbed wire was wrapped around his throat, and his heart threatened to jump from his chest and straight into your hands.

It scared him. How easily you could make his walls crumble like paper in the rain. He flinched slightly when he felt the ghost of your touch on his cheek, blinking multiple times when your thumb brushed away a single tear rolling down his cheek. You touched him as if he were porcelain, and yet it still broke him.

"Is it that hard to believe that you're important to me?" You asked then, voice nothing but a whisper in the short space separating your bodies. With your hand still holding his cheek, you forced his eyes back on yours. "You have a good heart, Loki. I just wish you could see it the way I do. I wish everyone could see it."

The crooked smile he gave you nearly made your own tears fall. "You don't know what you're talking about, you don't know what I've done," he told you quietly, more than anything, he sounded utterly defeated.

"But I do know," your free hand found one of his then, and you tangled your fingers together loosely, "I might not have been with the Avengers when you attacked New York, but I was still in New York. And I still mean it, you could tell me every single bad thing you've ever done and I'd still tell you how good you are, because I see it. Every single day, Loki. I feel you every single day, and I can feel all this-" Your words caught in your throat and you tasted your tears on your lips. "-All this pain that you carry around and you still choose to be good."

Too many emotions swam behind his eyes for you to put a finger in any of them. But tears were running freely down Loki's cheeks now, pooling against your hand resting on his cheek.

"What did you-" he tried, gasping for air as if he was underwater. This was foreign territory. You had a place in his heart no one else could ever have, he realized, and his heart was beating faster than his mind knew what to do with. "You've been prying into my emotions without me knowing?" He sounded more desperate than annoyed.

"I didn't want to," You explained quickly, "I- I never meant to, but for some reason, I can't block you out." Shrugging weakly, you slowly dropped the hand resting on his cheek, missing the way he glanced down in search of your warmth. "I tried. I really tried."

There was a vulnerability in Loki's eyes you'd never seen before. He looked at you as if he'd just realized what love is. You wondered if you mimicked the same gaze—you sure felt it.

Loki shuffled in his stance. His hand, still holding onto yours, tightened its grip. "I'm-" He avoided your eyes, looking somewhere past your shoulder, "I'm sorry you had to feel all that."

You softened at his words, shaking your head and taking another step forward until your sneakers bumped his shoes. "Wasn't your fault," you whispered.

Loki gulped back a sob after you spoke, and that was the last straw for you to let go of his hand and pull his body to yours in an embrace.

He melted into you.

Loki's fingers dug into the fabric of your shirt and he buried his head against your shoulder—you soon felt it becoming damp, yet you only hugged him tighter. With the desperation he was holding you with, you wondered when was the last time someone had held him.

The soft sobs escaping him were muffled against you. And you couldn't help but stroke his back, the tips of your fingers burying into his very soul. "I'm sorry you had to go through all of this alone." You spoke near his ear, feeling the goosebumps that raised on his skin. "You never deserved it," you promised.

You weren't sure how much time passed, you stayed there for as long as Loki needed you to. When he eventually pulled away, he didn't go far, his hands kept holding your body close to him as if he was afraid you'd leave if he let go.

His bright eyes didn't hold a storm anymore, they were more like a calm sea. A soft frown etched itself into his eyebrows, "did you… take away my pain?"

You chuckled quietly, "No, I can't take away people's emotions." You lifted a hand until your fingertips could brush the skin on his forehead, "But I can make them lighter." You traced an invisible line over his eyebrow and until you reached his cheekbone, "Make the weight just a little bit easier to carry."

Loki leaned into your touch, almost closing his eyes. His hands that rested on your back traced your spine and pulled you closer. "Darling, you've been making it easier ever since the first day I met you."

⋆* ☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ

Thank you for reading this little story. Feedback and reblogs are literally what keeps me motivated to continue posting here, so I’d appreciate it if you could take some time to reblog and comment. <3

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[lovecla]

TEACH ME (HOW TO MAKE HIM COME) | jack hughes

nhl masterlist, nsfw, @lovecla’s kinktober collection, chapter one:

<next chapter>

➴ chapter warnings: none

➴ word count: 2.5k

💌 from me to you: are the whore hours open yet?

𖧷

“NEW TEA about Zack!”

Kiara shouts loudly, like she wants the whole campus to know about your crush on Zack Brian, the hottest guy at Anaheim University.

“Do you want everyone to know that we’re talking about him or what?” You whisper, rolling your eyes at her. Her black bangs move around her face as she sits beside you on the bench.

“No one’s here, baby, everyone left for summer break already,” she shrugs, crossing her legs. “Just because you wanted to stay for one more week before going to Newark it doesn’t mean everyone else did the same.”

“Alright, alright, I get it,” you roll your eyes again, smiling. “What’s the tea about Zack?”

Her entire face lights up and she turns her body around, facing you. “I was in line to talk to Professor Marshall, right? You know I had to ask him about that internship at his office and all of that. But then, Lucy and Albany are right in front of me, and they’re talking about Zack.”

“It’s not news to anyone that they’re as obsessed with Zack as I am,” you try not to sound jealous, failing miserably. “What’s so new about that?”

“Here’s what's new: apparently, Lucy hooked up with him last Tuesday, and she said it didn’t go well because Zack said, and I quote: ‘I’m more into experienced girls. I’m not a teacher, so don’t expect me to teach you how to ride my cock’.”

Your mouth is wide open, your face burning with shame for Lucy. Part of you is sad for her, because she’s a nice girl. But the ugly, jealous part of you is happy that she didn’t work out with Zack.

“I know that you’re probably happy because they didn’t fuck but listen, Zack’s an asshole for saying that,” Kiara bursts your bubble, making you frown.

“Yeah, it wasn’t nice of him to say that but… I mean. It’s just what he’s into, right?”

“Sarah—”

“Oh my God,” you gasp, grabbing her hands. “I just realized that my chances with him are completely ruined!”

Kiara laughs. “Baby, what chances—”

“He likes experienced girls. Kiara, the last time I fucked a guy I was in High School! And,” you lower your voice, almost whispering. “It was extremely shitty. Straight up awful. You know that!”

“Maybe this is the universe trying to tell you that he’s an asshole and you shouldn’t go after him.” She answers, face serious as she sips on the iced latte long forgotten in your hand.

“I like him too much for that,” you mumble, and it’s true.

You got into AU a year ago, and it was the happiest moment of your life. A few weeks after your first semester ended, you found out who Zack Brian was. The most handsome, perfect guy to ever exist in your eyes.

You’ve met a lot of attractive guys and you had your fill of them too, but nothing like your crush on Zack. And when he talked to you for the first time? You melted. Even though he just asked if you were Zegras’ sister and said that he was a fan of your brother.

He can be your brother-in-law if you want, you almost said, instead of just nodding and saying thank you like a normal person.

Hearing that Zack liked experienced girls sucked. You grew up protected by your brother and his friends, so it was rare for a guy to approach you without chickening out after meeting your brother for the first time.

With that, you had never dated before. In fact, the only time you got closer to that, Trevor punched the guy on the nose because he found out he had slept with another girl the night before asking you to be his girlfriend.

So, the first and only time you had sex, with a random, popular guy from your class, it had been horrible. The guy didn’t prep you enough and besides that, he came in, like, three minutes, before running out of your room like his ass was on fire. You never really saw a dick up close, or even had a guy get you off, like most girls in your class used to do. You just watched from afar, not sure of what to do.

It wasn’t like you didn’t want to it again. You just never wanted someone enough to get naked in front of them.

“What do we do?” Kiara asks, and you smile at her, noticing how she said we instead of you.

“Your problems are my problems too,” she used to say.

“I don’t even know,” you run your hands through your hair. “I’ll have to find a way to get experience during summer.”

“Is he really worth it?” She stares at you, brown eyes showing concern.

“Yeah,” you sigh, enamored. “He is.”

𖧷

YOU WATCH Trevor get out of his car with Jack, Luke, Quinn and Cole with him, as he runs to you like he hadn’t seen you for years.

“Lil’ sis,” he shouts, dragging the s letter, making you roll your eyes but smile nonetheless. You wrap your arms around his neck, hugging him briefly. You missed him a lot, but it was part of your siblings code not to hug each other for more than five seconds if it wasn’t any holiday or birthday. “How’s the ugliest sibling doing?”

“I was about to ask you the same thing,” you smile sweetly, slapping his chest. “Get out of here.”

“Get out? Baby, the party’s just starting!” He shouts again, getting inside the big lake house he bought in Newark, where you’d be staying during most part of your summer.

You roll your eyes at his cockiness, quickly changing your expression so you could say hi to the other men around you. First Quinn, Cole, Luke and for last—

“Hey, pretty,” Jack slowly wraps his arm around your waist, hugging you close as he presses his lips on your head. “How’re you?”

“Hey, Jacky,” you smile. “I’m fine. How ‘bout you? ‘Been a while.”

He lets you go, smirking. He looked beautiful, freshly shaved and tanned.

“Fine. And a while indeed. How come an entire season passed and you didn’t go to my games, not even once?”

You raise your shoulders, biting your lip, a guilty smile decorating your face.

“I actually live a normal life, and I have classes,” you laugh, grabbing your bags and walking inside with Jack beside you. “It’s not like I can just miss school and fly to New Jersey.”

“Tsc,” he clicks his tongue, shaking his head. “I’m disappointed.”

You bump his shoulder with your head, silently apologizing.

“Next time. I promise.”

Even if you were supposed to be having fun with the boys, you couldn’t stop thinking about Zack and what you were supposed to do.

How does one learn how to have sex? you ask yourself, watching the party happening in front of you.

As the tradition goes, Trevor always throws a party when they’re all off duty, calling every person he knows, which is a lot. His living room is packed with all types of people, mostly women, which makes your nose scrunch. Knowing that people wanted to have sex with your brother, and some of them even talked about it online, made you want to puke.

You sipped on your soda, looking around as a very sensual song, and not appropriate to a party at all played in the background. You could see your brother playing beer pong with a couple of boys, while Quinn talked with Leo and Luke. Jack was sitting on the couch with a blonde girl beside him, and things between them were definitely getting steamy as far as you could tell.

He has one of his hands around a can of beer and the other one around the girl’s shoulder, as she slowly caresses his thigh. After a minute or two, Jack’s eyes find yours, and he raises his eyebrow at you. Unfortunately, you were too busy looking at the girl to reply to his gesture.

The blonde moved with confidence, and even though she was being careful, she wasn’t afraid. You could tell she would get what she wanted that night, and it made you wonder how it’d feel to be just like her.

Would Zack like you if you acted like that around him?

It must be nice to be confident about how you act around guys. It’d feel so nice to walk into a room and know that all of the guys would kill for a night for you, and you would please them just fine. You’d get them hard and ready to fuck you in seconds.

You frown. Just the thought of getting another guy hard made you blush, imagine doing the act yourself.

You needed help. No way in hell you’d learn how to actually please Zack by yourself.

The girl in front of you kisses Jack, climbing on his lap right after. For some reason, you can’t take your eyes off them. It’s not like you feel something for Jack, no, not really. You met him when you were a teenager, and he had always acted respectfully and protective around you. He called you pet names, yes, but most of the guys did. Even if he was the only one who called you pretty instead of things like Zegras number two or fun size.

Jack was like a best friend, and you liked him a lot. You haven’t seen him that much lately, busy with college and classes, but looking at him now, you realize that he could be just what you needed.

He has always been known for being popular with the ladies. The rumors, the pictures, the edits— Jack is like a sex god. He likes to fuck around during summer as much as he can, since when October comes, all he can think about is hockey.

So someone like him was perfect for someone like you. Right?

Right.

𖧷

YOU KNOCKED on Jack’s door before ringing the doorbell.

Last night you hadn’t been able to talk to him, since he had been busy with… other things. So that would explain why you’re at his front door, at nine in the morning, wearing just a tank top and a jeans skirt, waiting for Jack to finally open the door.

Which he did, after two missed calls and ten minutes of pounding against his door. He was shirtless, his hair going in all directions and wearing just a NJ Devils sweatpants, that hung low in his waist.

“What— Sarah?” He blinks. “Did something happen? Are you okay?”

You smile shyly at him, getting inside the apartment without saying anything. “Sorry. I just…”

You bite your lip. How the hell were you going to ask your friend of years to teach you how to please a guy was the only question that you had in your mind.

“You just…?” Jack stares at you, his blue eyes reaching deep places inside you. “Sarah?”

“Yeah, I—” you take a deep breath, placing your phone and purse on his coffee table, standing in front of him. “I need to talk with you about something.���

He chuckles, stretching his body, his pants hanging lower than before, making your eyes fall directly on his crotch.

“And you couldn’t wait until a little bit later?” His voice brings you back to the conversation, the realization that you had spent at least ten seconds staring at the outline of his dick making you blush.

“I mean, yeah, but—”

“I’m just messing with you,” he smiles, walking towards his kitchen, probably to make something to eat. “What do you need?”

You inhale deeply, remembering the TED talk you had with yourself during the car ride to Jack’s apartment.

Think of Zack. Think about kissing Zack.

“So,” you start, following him to the kitchen and leaning against his island, as he prepares what must be his morning coffee. “I need a favor.”

“I figured that much,” he laughs. “What is it?”

“I need you to… teach me. How to… well. How to have… this is going a lot worse than I thought it would go.” You try to joke, realizing that it wasn’t funny.

Jack stares at you as he mixes the steaming liquid in his mug, raising one brow.

“Come on, pretty. Spit it out.”

“I need you to teach me how to have sex.” You let out quickly, the words barely understandable. “G-good sex.”

Maybe you shouldn’t have said it with these exact words, but that was exactly what you wanted. You wanted to learn how to please a guy sexually, and for that, you’d have to learn how to have sex.

Jack stares at you like he has just witnessed you kill several little kids with your own two hands.

“I’m sorry,” he frowns. “What.”

“Don’t make me repeat myself…” you mumble, resting your hands on the counter behind you.

“Sarah,” Jack sighs, shaking his head. “Why do you want me to teach you how to fuck?”

Your face would melt at any time. Why was he so crude anyway?

“I need to learn how to please a guy so I can finally have a chance with the guy I like,” you whisper, looking everywhere but at Jack. “He likes girls who know what they’re doing and I’m definitely not one of those. So, can you help me?”

“You want to learn how to have sex so you can please a man?” He sounds amazed. “That’s fucked up, pretty. Do you even know how to get yourself off?”

You wanted to throw yourself off a cliff and drown in the nearest lake. You were sure that if you got any redder, you’d turn into Clifford, The Big Red Dog.

“Jack!”

He smirks. “What? I’m being serious.”

“No, you’re not,” you cover your face with your hands before staring at him again. “I really need your help. Please?”

“Sorry, baby. I can’t do that,” he shrugs and resumes drinking his coffee, like this was just another Tuesday for him. “Your brother would kill me in seconds if he found out. And even though I’m not afraid of him on the ice, I can’t really tell how hard he’ll beat me outside of it.”

“He doesn’t need to know,” you plead, letting go of the counter and stepping closer to him. “I won’t say a word. Please, Jack.”

“This is dangerous,” he licks his lips, that stupid smirk making its way back to his lips. “I don’t know, pretty. I don’t really like the idea of you getting ready for a douchebag who only likes experienced girls. What the hell is he? A company?”

“I guess it’s just his type,” you shrug. “And I wanna be his type.”

“Sarah, you’re everyone’s type.” He drinks the rest of his coffee in one go, placing it inside his sink. “Maybe you should just go for another guy?”

“I want him,” you whisper, afraid that Kiara would pop out of somewhere and call you stupid for fixating on a guy that hasn’t even spoken to you twice. “Can you help me? I’ll do anything you ask me. Your laundry, your meals, wash your car—”

“You don’t need to,” he exhales, standing in front of you again, the height difference more accentuated since he was very close. Very shirtless and very close. “I’ll help you out. But Trevor can’t know, okay?”

You smile, ignoring the fact that he was half naked and hugging him tightly. “Thank you! And I won’t say a thing, promise!”

Phase one of getting Zack to like you: complete.

[doberbutts]

My would-be rapist died earlier this week and I have been having a lot of Complicated Feelings about it since being told. Long story short he died because he was once again being a creep and someone intervened and ended up cracking open his skull and he died from a brain bleed two days later. And I'm just thinking about how 18 years ago this guy was actively attempting to groom me in the middle of church and bible study and only stopped because my parents believed me when they pried the truth out of me. And how that stopped him from pursuing me but not from just switching to Someone Else until it became multiple Someone Else's and the above situation happened.

Truthfully I don't really know what to feel, or think. I am not sad that he is dead. I'm not really happy either. I think he is an excellent example of the multiple failures we have as a society to protect our most vulnerable populations. He is who I think of when I ask what we do with repeat offenders who do not seem to be getting the message that they are making bad choices, and how we're supposed to protect vulnerable people from predators like him.

I do think, for the most part, that prison reform and prison abolition is a good thing. I do think that the death penalty sets a dangerous precedent.

But what do we do with a man who has hurt person after person after person, who even when confined to a facility for the rest of his life (ie, effectively a prison) continues to prey upon patients and staff alike, until he is sent to an all-male facility and even then tries it with a female CNA before another male patient witnesses it and does something about it?

I don't even know if the other guy realizes what a service he's done to this dude's victims, or the collective sigh of relief his victims took upon the news of his demise.

I will not light a candle for you, Joel. Not even your own family is attending your funeral, or pressing charges against the facility or the man who killed you. But it does make me think about how this could have been better resolved, if it could have been, if a better outcome than a long string of sexual assaults and rapes ultimately ending in a violent death could have been had.

He never did manage to get me. But he would have, if my parents hadn't stepped in on my behalf. He was bold enough to try it while they were just downstairs, reading and discussing from religious texts. Bold enough to put his hands on me in the middle of church as the pastor spoke and everyone could see. To my knowledge, I was his first- or was I? Was he bold because he was inexperienced in doing this, or because he was riding the high of having gotten away with it before? Clearly getting caught just taught him to be more subtle, rather than that he shouldn't have been doing it in the first place.

I think if he had succeeded with me, I would currently be very glad to hear about his death.

But he didn't, so now I am thinking about these things. And feeling a little, play stupid games win stupid prizes.

[fallloverfic]

Finished the second season of Castlevania: Nocturne and loved it! Spoilers below.

Angry boi PROTEC HIS MAN!!!! Just his running to Mizrak, so worried. Even interrupted his revenge. I just love that his serpent form came back T-T And multiple times!!!

The fight scenes were so good!!! Just so many amazing ones!

ALSO WHAT DOES ADRIAN MEAN NOT THE FIRST TIME YOU SAVED MY LIFE???? I AM-!!!!

(So happy they know each other and I think it's hilarious my fic could potentially be a prequel now alkdjalkdjaljdalj)

Everyone cute. Annette and Richter were just awww. Glad Edouard and Annette get to stay together, and Edouard can go home and get his bass player :3

Also so many gorgeous Adrian bits. Truly. Him coming out of the river was so mmmm. Also loved all the magic he got to use XD And the music was fun!

Also loved all the Egyptian stuff. The soul count was a little... (I was like why are you saying just 2 or 3, there's more than that...?), but apparently the # of parts has changed over time (it's not just 4 or 5) and it's you know, vampires during the French Revolution, so sure, whatever. The trip to Duat was fun! And Ammit's form was pretty cool.

Poor Tera. Bye Emmanuel, no one misses you.

Loved that we got some dragon fighting. Also that the dragon didn't die. Was worried. Though I will say, Sekhmet punching it was kind of funny aldkjlaj I felt sort of bad when Juste, Richter, and Maria were all boosting its breath like, "That can't be too comfortable for the dragon..."

Just think it's funny we have animated Robespierre joining forces with the son of Dracula to defend Paris from a crazy Hungarian serial killer noble who believes she's the reincarnation of an ancient Egyptian goddess lol

The return of Drolta was really fun. I was sad she was in so relatively little of season 1. This was really great.

For historical things, I appreciate that they referenced how folks in France sold and bought food to watch executions. I also appreciate the reference to the trend of European obsession with eating mummies.

I will be thinking about Mizrox's future. I feel bad I'm mostly happy Olrox survived the season lol I like Mizrak just fine, and I like that Olrox likes him, but my priority is Olrox, not Mizrak, sorry lol Clearly they have some things to work out XD Should be fun (for someone, I hope). Someone else pointed out they never talked about the animal/soul stuff, and it was kind of just... Mizrak getting over it (or side-stepping it) and not apologizing to Olrox about it. And Olrox just... kind of accepting that the guy he's in love with is like this. I think it's funny that after having written You reluctant demon back in 2023, where they do have a conversation about it, I completely forgot it as a thing I wanted to happen lol Cause in my mind the matter is settled. Like the show, quite frankly, feels like neat fanfiction to me at this point (that's not what it is, but that's how my brain works, it's part of why I wasn't as anxious about season 2 releasing as I was for season 3 of the first series releasing). It's great in all the things it does, amazing stuff I never could have thought of, which is far better than a lot of the stuff I did in my fic (and those fight scenes, dang). But yeah, I do agree, they should have talked about it. And they don't. And it's... mm...

Another thing is that Mizrak maybe still has some racism to unpack. There's that line Olrox has about when his people were massacred by the Spanish, and Olrox says, "And our terrifying gods could do nothing to save us." And Mizrak replies, "Perhaps your gods were the problem," and it's like what the fuck Mizrak lol I don't know if it's part of his struggles with his own faith, which is very obviously happening, how if a god exists, they're allowing all this stuff to happen, that Emmanual failed so hard, and believing in a god - which is his issue - is causing so much of his issues (it's making him believe his affection for Olrox is false, that Olrox doesn't have a soul, and/or it's not saving him from what he believes is a wrong attraction, idk). Or, from a semi-logical standpoint, that Olrox's people were attacked because they weren't Christian, and that the Spanish wouldn't have attacked Olrox's people if they were Christian. Or simply that "well it's your fault for not being Christian", I have no idea. It's a weird moment. We have really not moved past the "animal" conversation all that much. Olrox is very, very forgiving. And I am way more forgiving because I forgot I resolved most of this in my fic over a year ago lol I don't know, relationships are messy, I enjoyed what I saw of them. Olrox running to Mizrak's side was a lot and I loved it. The way Olrox is like, "I thought you wanted to know" killed me.

ANYWAY though... it was a good season. Really, I liked it.

[flippinpancakes64]

Could you do The Cullens x Reader! Who is just a very happy and cheerful person, pretty small, and then they just get sad or teary eyed when someone calls them childish, what would be their reaction?

The Cullens with a very happy but sensitive reader

I can definitely relate to the sensitive part, but I am rather large so we'll see how good I am at portraying that

Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy

Edward:

He doesn’t mind that you’re smaller than him

He actually kinda likes it

And he loves your personality

It’s so bright and nice

It’s a good change of pace to hear kind and clear thoughts as opposed to mean and rude ones

Now as far as when he hears people insulting you

He doesn’t let that shit fly

Especially when you come up to him later with tears in your eyes

He is anti-bully and pro-you

He will knock a bitch out

And he does his best to reassure you that he loves you for you and that he never wants you to change ever

Alice:

All things considered, you are like her clone

Small, cheerful, peppy

Only difference is that what other people say still gets to you

Granted, she’s had over 100 years to become desensitized

But she knows the feeling

Those people calling you childish have called her that too

She tells them to back off and watch themselves

As for you, she never wants you to change

You are so vibrant and lively and fun

And if those people ever got to you and you felt that you needed to try to change yourself, she shuts that down instantly

No changing yourself to fit into society for her

One order of being your own person please

Jasper:

He loves your personality so much

It’s canon that he tends to gravitate towards people who have a positive mind because it makes him feel better

And what better person than sunlight embodied

But when you come to the lunch table one day and you look like you’re about to cry, he is ready to fight

He doesn’t actually fight tho

He knows he won’t be able to hold back and he will end up killing someone

He loves you, but not enough to blow their whole cover and to reset all of his progress

He reassures you that he doesn’t think you’re childish

If anything, everybody else is just miserable

Rosalie:

Grumpy and sunshine relationship dynamic?

She likes to give you a hard time sometimes, pretending to be annoyed at how energetic you are

But in reality she loves it

She’s so used to Edward being miserable and everyone at school being miserable that she loves your personality

And she does fight someone

When you come over after school and look like you’re about to cry, she instantly takes her earrings out

She finds whoever said it and beats their ass

She will not let anyone upset you like that ever again

Emmett:

Your personality is a nice change from Rosalie’s

Not that he would admit that

But it’s nice to have someone who actually acts happy all the time

You’re his little ray of sunshine and he loves you

And when you come up to him about to cry, he gets ready to kill someone

And then he actually does

The guy deserved it idk

They can’t trace it back to him so it’s all ok

He reassures you as much as you need that he loves you and that he never wants you to change

Esme:

Another ray of sunshine

She’s so inviting and kind, you two match each other perfectly

Only she’s never really had to deal with anyone calling her childish

She’s of course had the random soccer mom asking her if she’s really qualified to be caring for a bunch of teenagers, but that’s it

So when you come home crying, she’s not too sure of what to do

She does her best to comfort you

Cue your favorite food, movie, and blanket

She spends the whole night cuddling with you and telling you that you are perfect exactly as you are

Carlisle:

He appreciates a nice, positive person

He deals with a lot of rude people at work, so it’s good to unwind

He has never once thought of you as childish in any way

One day you’re visiting him in the clinic and a random man says that you’re far too childish to be dating the doctor

He’s shocked

And you’re upset

He takes you back to his office to calm down and pages the secretary to kick that guy out

Reassures you that you are not childish and that he never wants you to change

Vampire! Bella:

She’s been around sunshine people for a long time

Her mom, Alice, Esme, and Edward when he gets what he wants

So your presence is nothing new

But she appreciates it nonetheless

She loves how you can find the good in everything

It balances out her bleak mindset

So when she sees someone insult you, she’s irate

She goes over to them and like stomps on their foot or something

And then tells them to never even look at you again

Ultimate bodyguard

[respectthepetty]

I crawled through sixteen episodes of Fourever You, so I could drag myself into the finale for THIS color coding! I had my doubts in some of these episodes, but here I am, living my best color-coded life because North is a Green Guy and Johan IS a Red Rascal.

And now that they are together, they perfectly complement each other as two chile peppers would!

Hill and Ter are also two great color-coded boys in love since bright and happy Yellow Yal Ter brought reserved and quiet Blue Boy Hill out of his shell.

EVERYONE IS COLOR CODED AND IN LOVE!

Well, expect for Typhoon, but his sad story is coming in Part Two, which I better be getting this year like Director New said. Or else!

Because I also want to know about his little friend Dao's spicy story with Arthit!

Oh, and apparently the continuation of Tiger and Duennao's story too.

Since they still aren't a couple; they just act like it six days a week.

But back to the couples who are official couples being cute.

Well, and Johan being so possessive that he won't even let his mom hug North. Peak Red Rascal behavior. Love to see it in fictional men.

Johan keeps up the behavior when they go home to visit their families. He hides his Green Guy behind him as he tries to not act his red color.

But that doesn't last long since he argues with his father at the slightest hint of his man's name on his dad's lips.

So even though The Alamo shirt looks blue, it feels green to me since North is truly the only thing keeping his man calm at any given moment.

All Johan needs is to look at North, and the entire world ceases to exist. Look at Johan. He ain't listening. He hasn't heard one word from North's pretty little mouth.

All he heard was North would leave him, and he jumped into sugar daddy mode. He said, "take all my money because I already gave you my heart." North, buy a bouncy house. No! A bouncy CASTLE! Use that man's money for good.

And invite your bestie Ter since he is going through it as he visits not only his family which includes the dad who yelled at him for being gay, but also Hill's family which includes the grandpa who separated them for being gay. It's a homophobe hoedown.

I know it's a lot, but they have each other!

And Ter has a sister and a mom rooting for them as the mom wears Hill's blue, and the sister is basically a Pride flag.

Plus Hill's grandma is not only supportive, but she kept the blue birthday jar Ter gave Hill in his room, so the women in these families are getting a spring wedding from these two even if Hill and Ter don't know it yet.

But I think these color-coded boys in love know it.

Well, at least Hill does.

Because his grandmother gave him the same necklace that his dad gave his mom when he knew she was the one.

And Hill has always known this pretty boy is the only one for him.

Sidenote: I actually gasped at how beautiful and young Cooheart looks here. That twenty-eight year old does not look a day over seventeen.

Kudos, Yellow Yal, for being the sun in Hill's blue sky, the star guiding him at all times, and the moon in his dark night. Way to be that man's everything, so now he can give you everything (like a bouncy castle!).

And even if Johan and North never get married, I'm sure they will be together forever too.

Since North probably already unknowingly signed no less than sixteen documents that Johan had his lawyers draw up which makes it legal for Johan to own North in at least twenty-three countries regardless of martial status and escape is punishable by death so . . . 'til death do you part, North. Congratulations, buddy!

Basically, every color-coded boy in love got his happy ending, and I was thrilled to witness it.

NOW BRING ME PART TWO!

[theonlymanny]

Jacob x male reader

Summary: you Bella and Jacob were best friends since diapers. when Bella left, you and Jacob started dating. but a disaster happens when he breaks your heart.

Warning: death. Mentions of suicide.

—————————————

"hey Jacob what do you think if we go out this Sunday." "I don't know M/n I'm kind of busy" "come on... it's Been centuries since we last hung out." Jacob let out a sigh "listen M/n I am busy and tired. I can't waste my time with something so unnecessary."

You looked down not wanting to show your sadness. "I'm sorry..." "alright... we can go to the theater this Sunday." "really?" "yes.." "alright! pick me up at 3? 4? you decide I don't want to ask Paul. , bye! love you."

"Love you too..."

"hey, where are you going?" "oh, I am going to the theater with Jake." "I Don't understand what you see in that guy... you deserve someone better." "are you going to bring this again?" "hey I'm just saying!"

After you finished you waited outside for your boyfriend. but he never came. after 1 hour you decided to text him but he never answered. "he wouldn't forget... Right?" after almost two hours it started pouring rain.

"M/n get inside you're going to get sick!" you were so busy crying that you didn't notice Paul carrying you inside. "I thought he remembered..." "he never came... I am so beating his ass!" "Paul wait no! I'm sure he had a-" "a what M/n!? a reason he left you? who knows if he is probably fucking anyone else right now!" "don't say that..." "I know who it was... its that chick named Bella!"

Paul bolted outside the house. "stay here and don't dare to follow me!" "Paul wait!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paul traveled all the way to Jacobs house. only to find Bella and the pack outside talking.

"what did you do to him!"

"Bella calm-" "where is Jacob!?" Everyone turned around to see an angry Paul who looked like he was about to kill someone.

"PAUL!!!! I'm so glad your here. have you met Bella?" "you..." "Why is he looking at me like that?" "Paul... don't do it." Sam warned Paul in a serious way. "You ruined my brother's relationship!" "I don't even know your stupid brother!" Paul started growling and loosing control of himself "Paul calm down... don't do anything you will regret."

Right after your brother shifted you screamed at Bella "Bella RUN!!!" Sam, Jared and Embry turned to face you. "dude what happened?" "I'll tell you later-" Before you could finish Jacob ran towards Bella and also shifted.

Your brother was right... he was with Bella...

"Paul stop!" Paul turned to you and quickly shifted back. "I told you to not follow me!" "I knew you were going to do something after I told you! why are you doing this? were you going to hurt Bella?" Jacob also shifted back and he looked really angry.

After You said sorry to Bella about what happened it was now only you and Jacob. "I'm sorry this happened. I didn't mean this. I'm so sorry this will never happen again I promise." "you're right... it won't happen because we are done."

"what?" "don't act stupid you heard me, WE ARE OVER! I never liked you anyway." "but we been together for almost 4 years... I-I don't understand..." "Well you see I just started dating you because Bella left. YOU DON'T MEAN ANYTHING TO ME!" "You're lying... you just-" "listen here I don't want you anywhere near me or Bella. YOU WERE JUST A REPLACEMENT. BECAUSE MY DAD SAID YOU WERE GOOD FOR ME!”

You ran. You ran and didn’t stop, didn’t look back.

—————————————

After almost an hour of non stop moving you ended up lost. “Where… am I?” You were tired, hungry, and heartbroken.

You wanted to end it. There was no other way. Who were you going to leave? Jacob doesn’t love you. Paul will find his imprint and live a happy life. Just like the rest of the pack.

Suddenly you heard a sound, but before you could even react something grabbed you by your neck.

With the pack

Jacob finally arrived after a long 1 hour and 24 minutes

“Where’s M/n?” Bella and Paul asked almost at the same time. Jacob didn’t. Want to tell Bella and the pack that you ran away. “He… I-i don’t know…” “what do you mean you don’t know where he is!?” Paul asked aggressively and pushed Jacob.

“I don’t know! We broke up! I fucked up ok!?” Jacob regretted everything he said to you. How he saw your face scared of him.

“I know how m/n can be, if he ran away an hour ago he is probably not far… we need to catch up.” Almost everyone was surprised that Paul didn’t kill Jacob. But they needed to worry about where you were first.

“Do you have anything we can use to track M/n?” Sam asked Jacob. “He dropped his gloves before we left I was going to give it to him but we left.” Bella gave Sam the old looking gloves that Paul probably gave to you in your birthday.

Everyone shifted and got a sniff of the gloves. Sam growled before he started running. Everyone followed him except Jacob. “Take me with you.” Bella coldly told Jacob. “ I can’t it’s too dang-”. “Just do it dammit!”

Back with M/n

“Let.me.go…” you barely said because you couldn’t breathe.

“Let him go…” a red haired woman said who you could recognize. “Victoria….” The woman that tried to kill Bella when she started dating that weirdo.

“I see you’re one of the mutts brother… and I thought you were only human…” “I’m not a shifter.” You tried to sound intimidating even knowing you were about to shit your pants.

“I thought maybe I could kill you… because well you are Bella’s best friend.” You rolled your eyes at that… you were still afraid of what she was going to do. “Or maybe… I could turn you…” “what?” “Common… I know that your boyfriend left you for Bella. We will both get revenge for what she did…”

Your eyes opened wide at her words. She was right tho… Bella took Jacob from you. But she was still your best friend. “I…” “common I’ll help you go through it. Who knows you’d probably stop being so weak after all… tell you what. You help me defeat the Cullens and you will get your revenge on that mutt… we both win.”

You considered her idea. After all you weren’t going to hurt Bella. And even if you couldn’t hurt Jacob physically you could hurt him mentally… “I’m not sure…” “ you know I could kill you right here and now so you have no option.” “Okay, okay… I’ll help you defeat the Cullens, but! I’m not going to be one of your silly puppets you control. Deal…” you stretched your hand toward Victoria. “Deal… just breathe in… this might hurt a bit.” Before she bit you, you took a deep breath and-

With the pack

“We are close I can feel it…” Paul says to everyone except Bella because well she can talk through her mind. “Paul do you smell that…” everyone could smell that there were vampires around.”what if they caught up to him?” Jared said in a worried tone. “Search the area around, and if you find any leeches… kill them.” Everyone separated into two groups. Sam, Embry, and Jared. And Jacob,Paul and Bella.

“I swear Jacob if something happens to my brother I will rip your spine out of your body.” Jacob didn’t really care about Paul threats now. He just wanted to find you.

But then something that creeped everyone out was a scream. “M/n!” Everyone ran as fast as they could to a bridge nearby. “Please be okay… I promise I will love you forever and that this will never happen again” and Jacob was right… it will never happen again.

Bella wanted to cry right there and now. You weren’t even there. Only a pool of blood and your shirt. Everyone shifted back. “We are late…” Paul dropped to his knees he suddenly threw up. He was out of air. And started crying. “Why…. Why!? This it’s all your fault!”

Jacob couldn’t breathe properly. He knew it was his fault. “No… i didn’t ment this…” Jacob fell to the ground and started crying.

“I’m sorry M/n I failed you…” right next to him was the necklace the he gave to you. The one that Jacob said was worthless and just a piece of trash.

He hugged the necklace so hard that it could almost break. He still had a part of you with him.

—————————————

“AUGHHHHHH! Why does my head hurt so much??” “See it wasn’t that bad.”

“ so what powers do I get?” “You just woke up in a weird place and you only wonder what your powers are?” “Shut up…”. “Don’t worry kid we still have to run away… we are not that far from La push… so get up we gotta go.”

“Ugh… were you always this annoying to the other weirdos?” “Remember you’re a weirdo now! And we still have to work on you not trying to kill everyone you come across to. So let’s get moving.”

“I hope it’s worth…”

—————————————

Hey everyone!!!! The reason this story is late it’s because my dumbass forgot to save the end of the story so I had to re write it. That’s why it might get confusing in some parts. Hope you enjoy!

Also a short explanation. That Paul and M/n are not biological brothers that’s why Bella doesn’t know Paul’s brother.

Bye ✌️

[yuri-is-online]

Thinking about the future kid au and Jamil!Yutu (help his tsum is so cute, i love the tsum events)

Like...you said Jamil! Yutu wishes he wasn't born so his dad wouldn't have been executed because some Asim relatives guilted him (desoite them being the ACTUAL reason he died)

Needless to say his relationship with his dad is complicated , but I can't stop thinking about Yutu being of two minds about his parents like "I'm gonna get in the way of your plans for the evening because I don't want either of you to get close and eventually die because of me" but also somehow everything he attempts doesn't work

Because Jamil isn't one to give up easily (none of the boys are) and he just- feels so much freer and happier than he ever has when he gets to trade snarky comments, silly puns and honest praise with Yuu. And he won't let this mysterious guy get ik the way of that, he pretends to enjoy his remaining years at NRC to the best of his ability thank you very much. Plus he's working on gaining his freedom and Yuu is his number one cheerleader at this don't tell Kalim tho he'll be sure to cranck up his enthusiasm if you do ofc he won't stop talking to them nor dreaming of what could be, it's all he has to avoid going mad

Yutu however is losing his mind because every time there's danger he gets reminded of his dad's corpse being dragged around and he keeps worrying this time his dad will die trying to protect Yuu from harm

Little does he know Jamil would rather give his life protecting Yuu than any Asim because that's his CHOICE and that's the person who chose HIM over everyone else. Cue Yutu recovering from the battle, looking around frantically for signs of either of his parents and seeing Yuu patching Jamil up, bantering lightly and sharing such soft looks. They look so happy despite their bruises and suddenly Yutu gets this nauseating feeling of dread because he can see why they fell in love, which means maybe he's too late to stop it now

And then Grim complains that he's hungry after the fight and they both share this look and Yutu gets the little sadness of "oh, this is what it would've been like"

Just- aaaaaaahhhhhhh this au is so good and so angsty but also I wanna add just a little bit of fluff for these poor boys (my original thought was of Yutu seeing his parents meeting in the town and following them to try to sabotage their not-date only to end up making each scenario more romantic until he gives up when they start dancing in the middle of nowhere and he recognizes the dance from when Yuu taught him many years ago)

Happy Birthday Jamil (so sorry this is late), the tsum part of this post really shows you how old it is I am so sorry. Jamil is a real cutie though, his birthday message this year is him thanking Yuu for being someone he can trust to give him something without having ulterior motives. Post OB! Jamil should have a special sort of respect for Yuu I think. He understands what it is like to have to care for someone who makes a lot of problems against your will, but maybe not that you could love that person in the way Yuu loves Grim. Lots to think about with JamilYuu, lots to think about... so this one gets to have two parts as well whoops.

notes: they/them used for Yuu, CW lots of self hatred and thoughts of death, body horror, major character death, bullying, and brief mention of suicide. This post features some o.c.s created by @archetypal-archivist for this ayuu. More information about the ayuu can be found here, here, and here. Masterlist can be found here

The early morning is a sacred time for your little family.  When Yutu was little you would sneak into his room to make sure he was still asleep.  He never was, he'd developed some sort of sixth sense for when his favorite person was home and would wait patiently snuggled into the red scarf he used as a security blanket to surprise you.

“Boo!”  The scarf would go up in the air and you would let out an exaggerated gasp of surprise as your son giggled in manic delight.  “I got you!”

“You got me!”  He'd been little enough to lift up into the air then, you miss those days even though they were difficult.  

Your son still “spooks” you when you come home in the morning.  His former blanket has become a part of his wardrobe, and he's much too big for you to lift up over your head anymore but he's not pretending to be asleep anymore either.  

“Boo!”  Today Yutu has made some tomatoes and eggs, you think you smell coffee but that's not a smart thing for you to be drinking right now.  

“Thank you, little light.”  You settle down at your kitchen table and Yutu excitedly tells you about his plans for the day.  When he does this you always feel lucky, as if you didn't expect him to be such a normal and happy child.  As if there was something other than poverty and your illness that would hold him down and deny him any sense of self or success.  Yutu has never felt like there is anything he cannot do so long as he tries, he's very ambitious, your little light.  You've told him more than once you hope his spark never dims, that you are so proud of him for not letting his circumstances dictate his goals.

There's some relief in knowing you aren't here to see him hiding behind his scarf again.  It would hurt you to see how fast he shrinks away from the lich descending from his throne, putrid rotting flesh assaulting his nose even through the silk guard.  This is his fault, he can find no other logical explanation.  You would disagree, he has no idea what the corpse in front of him would say, but neither of you lived to see what he has.  He's not so full of himself that he thinks the world ended with his birth, but yours most certainly did.  

Yutu is a smart and polite child, the sort of little boy who makes old ladies swoon and insist that his parents are so lucky to have him.  That was a point of pride for him before arriving in Twisted Wonderland.  He never had too many questions about his father, he could see he wasn't the only one of his peers who was being raised by a single parent which was enough reassurance for him.  Maybe he'd meet his father one day, maybe he wouldn't.  He was much more concerned with making friends and learning everything he could.

He loves school in general, but his favorite subject is the stars.  It starts with him trying to amuse himself while waiting for you to come home from work and evolves into a hobby as he gets older.  His first proper expensive present is a refurbished telescope you spent a lot of time researching and asking questions about.  That's the first chip at his self confidence when he's alone in Twisted Wonderland; you worked so hard for that gift and he didn't bring it with him.  Sure, he didn't know what was happening but he knew something was off.  He should have grabbed it and kept it close…

Star gazing isn't his only hobby, he really likes cooking and experimenting with coffee.  He took up cooking because he was tired of waiting for you to come home and make food and expected it to be boring but there's something fulfilling about eating food you've made yourself he really likes.  The fact it makes him more attractive to his classmates is not something he thinks about at all, not one little bit.  You've never found him making extra food for a particular “friend” with a familiar determined smirk on his face.  “Your father used to do the same thing.”  You say it absentmindedly, the look of embarrassment you're met with is also quite similar.  “Not.  Another.  Word.”  

Money is tight, but Yutu still finds ways to participate in extracurricular activities.  He wants them on his college applications, sure, but he also wants friends, his own little group of people who won't care too much about his parent's reputation. Cooking club and drama class end up being his home base, you've got an unwilling front row seat to so much pointless highschool drama it gives you a headache.  He likes playing pickup basketball with his friends but joining the team isn't something he got a chance to do before getting isekaid.

The little bits and pieces you remember about his father make him out to be extremely normal. You remember his favorite food, that he liked cooking and playing basketball. You tell your son he takes after his father in how talented he is; Yutu is proud to be like his father, he assumes that he will get the full story from you someday. Maybe his dad died, maybe you never told him that he was going to be a father out of fear and never got a chance because you lost your memories in a tragic accident. Either way, Yutu is sure that one day he will find out who his father is and he'll be able to help you reconcile your relationship, whether it's by processing his death or reconnecting your friendship.

There's nothing particularly special about the day you remember.  He felt like trying something new with his hair and you had offered to turn his scarf into a turban, memories of fireworks sparking your hands into motion while Yutu tells you about what his teacher wants the school play to be this year.

“Careful!”  Yutu whines as you pull his hair through the cloth.  

“I am being very careful.” You laugh, the look on Yutu's face is familiar. Just like... “Jamil bought this for me, you know.”

“Jamil?” Yutu has never heard that name before, but he can tell it's important. He's never heard you sound so tender before.

“I think we were joking about push presents and he was offended thinking he had to wait until you were born to get me something nice.”  There was meant to be a matching piece of jewelry with Yutu's birthstone he thought you didn't know about, but then…  how could you have forgotten that?  You were going to make fun of him for how sloppy Yutu's birth was making him.  He was losing his touch, the old Jamil never would have been so obvious with a surprise.

“Is that such a bad thing?  You're giving me a gift.” Jamil is looking up at you confused, but it's not Jamil, it's your son. Your little light who- "You look so much like him." Your hand shakes, the world around you fades to black and Yutu begins to scramble.

~~~~

When Yutu opens his eyes he's in a dark room in front of a mirror with a mask hovering in a sea of green flame, there is noise buzzing around him that must be conversation, but try as he might he can't reign himself back into focus. You are still, eyes glassy and unresponsive to his calls. There is a man shaking him, trying to pull him to his feet as he calls for... the word he uses is healer and that allows Yutu to settle himself. "... a healer and take Yuu to the hospital wing immediately!" The Headmage snaps and a woman with brown hair immediately bolts to obey. The person next to her reaches out, but does not follow; the boy's presence is throwing cold water over a particular part of the crowd they would be wise to keep watch over. That isn't the right word so Yutu must be dreaming, he gives the man in the fur coat his attention and obeys, stepping forward to allow the mirror to judge his soul.

"Scarabia." If Yutu was not so convinced he was dreaming he would notice the way the person who approaches him looks, the meaning behind the fur coat's insistence he stay put and wait for him in the mirror chamber. But he does not. So when that person extends their hand, welcomes him to Scarabia and asks him to follow he thinks nothing of it. This is all a bad dream, you will shake him awake and tell him more about Jamil.

Not that he really needs to wait.

The first hit is a slap, the second is a basic fire spell but he doesn't know that when it sears his skin. He doesn't even know why these students are so angry, doesn't recognize his own last name he just thinks the word Viper is being used as an insult. When smoke begins to surround him he assumes the other students have decided to stop toying with him. He's going to die. He just found out his father's name, magic is real, other worlds are real, you are dead. You are dead and there's a foul smelling smoke around him; he's never really thought about what it would be like to die but Yutu finds himself surprisingly calm. "We'll be together soon, [parent]... father are you waiting too?"

"I would hate to waste a necklace on the likes of you." An authoritative voice cuts through the smoke, Yutu recognizes this person as his attackers scatter. The strange one who tried to stop the woman who ran off after the man in the fur coat spoke. They are wearing a lot of jewelry, necklaces and bracelets with strange symbols that seem to thrum with power in a way that sends a shiver down his spine. A rueful smile crosses their lips for a brief second. "Not that it would be a waste of course." Their focus turns to the cause of the smoke, a kerchief they give one more good shake before tucking it back into a pouch with even more strange necklaces wrapped around it.

"Where am I?" Yutu sounds so small, he curses himself silently for it but how else is he supposed to feel when the mysterious stranger looks at him with so much pity?

"Exactly where you belong." They say with authority, as if they are attempting to shut out any doubts before they can form. "But, as much as it shames me to suggest it, that might not be the safest place for you right now."

Misbah is how this person introduces themselves. Their friend, who is beyond stressed to see Yutu so disheveled and insists on healing him before allowing him to see you, is named Sehrish. Explanations can wait until Yutu has had time to say his goodbyes, but the look the older students exchange when you ask them to make sure your son isn't treated like Jamil once was tells him there must be a lot of them. Of the three adults, no one agrees how to give him those explanations either. The only thing they do agree on is that it is unsafe for him to be in Scarabia right now, but there won't be a problem with Ramshackle Dorm even if it's name suggests to Yutu that there really probably should be.

Crewel takes him there, explaining along the way who he is and what he was to you; a professor turned reluctant mentor who cared very deeply about Yuu and Jamil's future. He's reluctant to think of himself as a grandfather, he's just not that old he insists and Yutu laughs just the little bit, but if Yutu has questions about Yuu and your time at the school he is more than welcome to ask. On his father he doesn't say much, simply that he is dead. Murdered actually, but the use of that word is complicated by the circumstances of it so Crewel does not suggest Yutu speak of his family to anyone other than Misbah and Sehrish. Yutu learns, later much later, that Crewel didn't wish to traumatize him further. That he wished to take his time in explaining things. A good idea, but no one that realistically was going to work.

Ramshackle Dorm is unlike the other dormitories at NRC, all the students save him are magicless exactly like his parent. They all know a lot about his parent too, much to his surprise you are something of an idol to these people. None of them mind that he can use magic, it's just neat to be able to talk about the magicless prefect with someone who also thinks they're super cool; some of them have family or family friends that went to NRC while you were here and saw how you handled the overblots, others learned of you when they came here as refugees and were offered a place in the program. "Ramshackle is for misfits and outcasts!" A particularly messy third year proudly tells him when he asks him why they don't mind. Yutu doesn't really know how to feel about that. He never manages to figure it out.

Sehrish is a graduate student and Misbah is a fourth year, which as Misbah explains to him means they spend most of their time "in the field." They wished to say everything from the start, Sehrish wanted to explain herself and her family but did not think herself qualified to say anything more. Was uncertain of how her story would make him feel, afraid of it. The Scalding Sands is their primary focus, that would have been his homeland too had Yuu not been disappeared. Currently it is under the rule of a phantom of the Sorcerer of the Sands, one of the Great Seven Yutu will learn about as his classes progress. Misbah does not hesitate to tell him that this phantom once possessed his father when he was a student, and it is believed that this time it is possessing his corpse. It's a thought that sickens Yutu, how could this have happened? And why?

The why is explained to him in parts. Sehrish starts with the history of the Al-Asims, of the city they helped to build and the relationship between her family and his. She describes his father's burning resentment of his station matter-of-factly. His father was a servant from a well liked and respected family, but that reputation came at a cost. The respect was not for him or his talents, it was for how well he served his master and it drove him mad. The desire for freedom and recognition transformed into a phantom, his parent had fought against it and seen it defeated but somehow it had returned to rule over the Scalding Sands.

Overblotting is something Yutu thinks he has begun to understand, his professors have focused on it heavily so he knows what a phantom is. He's even seen a few small ones, but a phantom large enough to rule over a kingdom resembling one of the Great Seven is... frightening. The other students are all more or less aware of their existence and Sehrish takes the rest of her time to explain where and who the other Phantoms used to be. "We don't know why this happened." But people have theories. There is a timeline he learns from other students whispering behind his back, how his parent disappeared and then suddenly Kalim Al-Asim was murdered.

The living Al-Asims aren't at NRC, there is a rival school across the Island where they chose to stay. They don't speak to Sehrish, the only people he can speak to with any level of authority are the one or two older servants who worked with his grandparents. They speak fondly of the Viper family, though of Jamil they offer little specifics. Murder is again the word used for what happened to him, quietly after looking over their shoulder. Yutu had an Aunt named Najma. She was lively, talked about Jamil's business and constantly made fun of him while being proud of his accomplishments. The Vipers were an honorable family. They didn't want trouble. Did not want to rock the boat. But his father must have otherwise he wouldn't have wanted to overblot...

Yutu wasn't quiet before Twisted Wonderland. He thought of himself as outgoing, you would be so sad to see how small his friend circle has gotten. As time passes, as he fights smaller phantoms, ventures into the Queendom on his first real mission, as he looks in the mirror and realizes he has scars now. His scarf has protective sygils embroidered by Misbah to repair the holes, he's met a merman with pointed teeth who mixed him a drink and told him a story about his father that made him sound... human in a way that scared him out of asking for more.

Yutu has seen what his father became, looked a rotting corpse into what remained of it's eyes and listened to it try to speak with a windpipe welded together by ink. The lich sorcerer of the sands is his father. Yutu has spent enough time listening to his Ramshackle dormmates explain their medical studies to see he died young; there are traces of poisons in the hairs he returns to Idia that make even him shudder. He will never get the full story, never get more from his classmates or the Al Asim representative he meets when returning Kalim's body about how this happened. Just that it was deserved, that none of this would have happened if Jamil had known his place and never obtained his freedom. That isn't something Yutu can bring himself to agree with. His father had every right to want the same say in his life that you had worked so hard to give him, and you...

If you asked Yutu when he started feeling like he did not deserve to exist, he wouldn't be able to give you a specific answer. He certainly never felt like he didn't belong in your world, the general sense of disbelonging he felt he always attributed to his ignorance of his father's identity. But that was a fixable problem, he so firmly believed he would one day get to meet his dad and other family and then all those burning cultural questions would be patched up. But Twisted Wonderland was another matter entirely, the harsh welcome made him feel unwanted even if the Ramshackle students went out of their way to try and mitigate that. But all of that acceptance, all of that love was tied to you. The living Al Asims looked at him and saw a pest, expected him to show deference and repent for his father's misdeeds, while the older servants saw a tragedy. A child so fondly spoken of and wished for but doomed to wander in a broken world none of them expected to survive. Either way, the only message Twisted Wonderland had to offer him was one of rejection. Whenever he made up his mind, by the time he made it to the past and was settled into your version of Ramshackle Dorm he was determined to keep you from making the mistake of staying with his father.

Part 2

[our-queer-experience]

I want to start off by saying I mean this not to be triggering or insulting in any way but I get really sad when I see people saying that the only way they'll ever be happy is with surgery. Or that they would rather die than not have surgery. I get the dysphoria sucks and it does so much that sometimes you contemplate doing it yourself but as someone who can't ever get surgeries because of past health issues I need you guys to know that it will not always feel that way. Put yourself in my shoes for a second and ask what you would do if you also couldn't medically transition because of other previous conditions. I do not get a choice. I will never get to know what that feels like. And at first that was very hard to accept. But I can tell you after years of this, not getting surgery and not being able to do hrt for whatber reason is not the end of the world and it shouldn't be a reason to kill yourself. I get having those feelings because I did to at once, but now that I've lived with my own circumstances for a while I am glad I didn't let it get to me that much. And on another side note I'm not really trying to sound snobby or rude but some of the things I see people post are a bit insulting towards people like me who cannot do these things. It's like some of you guys forget that there ARE trans people without hrt or surgery. Not always because they choose to! I know it sucks. Believe me I know. But it will get better and you have so much value just as a human that you should not let the disappointment from something like that consume you. You are stronger than that. If any young person who wants these things but can't have them and feels this way please don't think thst your life is less valuable than a surgery. You are more than surgery and always will be whether you have it or not. The surgery is not what defines you. You are. Same for hrt. You are so young and that is not the solution I promise. Having boobs forever might seem like a death sentence to some, it did to me at first, but I had to accept that. And if it wasn't that way and I didnt get the treatment that made these things unavailable to me, I'd be dead as a result of my illness. I know this isn't everyone's case but I just wanted to share so maybe someone in a similar situation knows that there are other people like them. I'm sorry this was so long :/

im tentative to respond to this because i don’t think you get to say that the way other trans people feel regarding their transition is personally targeting you and we need to get over ourselves. we don’t have to accept shit about fuck, to put it lightly.

i’m one of those “would die if i couldnt get on hrt soon” folks. being pre op forever would be a death sentence. me saying that says nothing about non transitioning people- most of my origonal posts are advocating for yall!! but a lot of us are never going to be comfortable if we can’t transition. we’re suicidally dysphoric and no amount of coping mechanisms will do anything but make it manageable.

your journey does not have to be anyone else’s. i’m happy you’ve learned to live in your body and be happy, and some parts of what you say are right, but insisting that all of us need to just feel better feels indistinguishable from the people who say “just be a masculine woman/feminine man! you don’t need chemicals to love yourself”

i’m sorry you can’t medically transition. i’m glad you’re able to be happy without it. but just as transition is not an option for you physically, not transitioning just isn’t an option for so many people mentally.

[ramen-writes]

Prompt: The villian comes around the corner, sneaking into the hero's house while they're supposed to be celebrating with friends. Only to see the hero slumped against the wall, drunk.

-------------------------

The villian came around the corner. Only to see the hero all alone in her room slumped against the wall with bottles surrounding her.

"Wh- what are you doing?" The villain asks.

"Huh?" The hero raises her head to look at him. "Oh... It's you" she says sadly.

"Yeah it's me so get up and fight me" he says urging her to get up.

"Nahh let's just end it here, I am tired, you win I lose, happy?"

Confusion fills up the villain's face "N-no, not happy. See? I am not happy. What do you mean, what's going on? You always fight for this place and the people of it"

The hero hums "yeah I guess but it's not like I owe it to them" a hunt of resentment seeps through her calm voice.

"Wha- but you grew up here with these people shouldn't you want to protect them?"

"I can say the same about you too. You weren't the only one they treated like an outcast because of what you could do. I was treated the same way but when you decided to show up all powerful and mighty I had them choice to either join you and prove them correct or fight you and prove them wrong. I did what I thought was the right thing..."

The villain gapes and the hero continues "everyone looovves the hero until they get all up and close with them and realize it's not all fun", she goes to grab another bottle but before she can the villain quickly snatches it

"Hey!! I need THAT. How else am I supposed to act like everything is fine if I can't let it out in the solitude of my own home and drink my problems away" the villain sets the bottle aside, not listening.

" This isn't about the town's people is it. Someone close to you? Who? Viviana? Cobey? Never liked them, always thought they were kinda a weird duo to take up as a guard" the villain said clearing some of the tissues and bottles so he could sit.

"No it wasn't them" the hero mumbled out.

"Then who? I really don't think you are close to that many people" the hero hummed softly in agreement.

"W-wait I didn't mean it as an insult I just meant that there aren't many people who you trust... wait that doesn't make it better does it?" The villian winced.

"Well if it isn't them then who-" The villain's eyes widen as the realization sets in. "No..." He whispers and the hero just nods.

"Liam? How? He is the last person I would've guessed to be the reason for all this" he gestured to the bottles and pillows.

"He doesn't know that I am like this. I acted all calm and composed in front of him." She slumps "well I hope I did because otherwise I just seem like a sad lonely idiot"

"B-but that doesn't make any sense... Yo-you guys were in love. He was the only person I couldn't even think of trying to blackmail because he was so loyal to you".

The hero let out a chuckle. "It's not his fault really... Mostly mine for putting the kingdom and the people of it before everything else".

"Of course it's not your fault I just don't understand what happened". The villain says.

"He wanted to settle down, and I couldn't do that, he wanted a family and I couldn't give it to him, he wanted me to not put the city before everything else and I once again couldn't do it." she let out a sob. "I let something that took everything from me destroy the one thing I had left"

"Oh..." Is all the villain could let out. He didn't know how to comfort anyone or if he even should comfort her.

"The worse part is that he was so nice about it too" her voice cracks.

"He said that he couldn't do it, that he couldn't live like this when I put everything else before him. But he also said that it didn't mean that he wasn't going to be there for me. He said he would still be my friend and will always fight beside me" she let out another sob. "H-he wished me luck and said that he hoped that I could learn to put myself before the city... H-he said he would be there for me but that he can't wait forever and this is something I have to learn myself" by now she was full on sobbing.

The villain didn't know what to say or do. "You know...I had a similar experience too" he says. Where did that come from? Stupid.

But now the hero was looking at him with curious eyes. Those eyes wide, and for a moment almost forgetting the tears they had just shed. He sighed, it's not like she was going to remember this anyways and it's better than listening to her sob.

"She was the most talented and beautiful woman I had very seen. She still is..."

He glanced at her only to find her staring up at him urging him to continue. He sighed.

"She was the only on who understood me, she knew what I was going through without me even telling her. She didn't have her life any better than mine but she still went around with a smile on her face that made my day. She was the light at the end of the tunnel, the reason I decided to wake up every morning...and then I ruined it. I became this. Even after everything she did for me I knew I couldn't live like that forever and I didn't want her to have to either... But she didn't agree. She believed there was a better way. But I knew that was just hope and hope is dangerous. So as much I wanted to I couldn't let myself become the hopeful boy I used to be waiting for a day where everything would be fine. So I left..."

He finished and looked at her.

"that's not a good ending" she pouted.

"He let out a sad chuckle "No...it's not, is it? But I guess we can't always have a happily ever after" He glanced at her again.

Her bright eyes, the one that shined so bright everytime she smiled.

"Do you miss her? Do you regret it? does the pain ever stop?" Her voice cracked at the last sentence.

" Yes... I miss her every day" and he did but not because he didn't get to see her but because every time he did she acted as if she didn't know him, as if everything they went through didn't matter like becoming...this, erased everything else.

"And I do question if she was right. That if I hadn't become the villain everything would have been fine but I also know that that's just wishful thinking..." He sighed.

"The pain doesn't go away...well at least for me it didn't but it gets better over time. Surround yourself with the people who love you most and soon you'll understand that that's just how somethings happen. Unlike me you didn't lose someone, maybe as a lover sure but from what you told me it seems as if you aren't losing him as a friends or someone you care about and who cares about you." He says.

"What about you? Did you lose her?" She asked, her voice slightly more sober now.

"I like to think not forever" he said as a sad smile made its way onto his face.

That was one thing he let himself hope for, the only time he let himself be a little boy again and believe that one-day everything would be okay.

The villain let out a breath getting up.

"Let's get you cleaned up first alright?" The hero nodded as the villain helped them stand up.

The moment she was on her feet she stumbles forward. The villain caught her before she could fall. "Sorry... It's hard to walk after you just drowned yourself in..."

She squinted her eyes and looked towards the bottles "whatever that is. What is that anyways?" She asked.

The villain confused looked at the bottles and his eyes widened. "What the- you were drinking straight up hard liquor, no wonder you're like this. Come on I'll carry you"

[starillusion13]

FRIENDS!? Chapter 6

🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳

Series ML

Pairing: poly!ateez × f!reader (An ATEEZ Office AU)

Genre: Mature, Angst, Yandere, SMUT

Warning: suggestive themes, kiss, talk about past, lots of flirting(!!!) nothing else Ig.

W.C: 5.2k

For my beloved: @oreharuuu

Network: @cultofdionysusnet @k-vanity

[Reblogs and Reviews are always appreciated. Thank you for reading and have a nice day ahead. Please always take care of yourself everyone.]

Hello, Can we be friends please?

The Angel is back.

Yeosang is back to his loving and happy friend aura. You don’t know why he was acting all rude and mysterious for these past months since I that day but you are excited to be with his company. He is such a sweetheart. His caring nature is beyond expected and the worry look on his face is something that keeps bugging in the backside of your head. Like, You have seen this angelic smile and felt this care and loved before. But where?

Employees might wonder that you are cheating behind Wooyoung with Yeosang. Yes, that guy is always being trailing behind you every day in the off-time but never once anybody see you getting along with Yeosang before. To wave off their suspicion, you tried to tell him not to show his closeness with you in public but you didn’t want him to be distant again so you kept it to yourself. He might have noticed your discomfort so he smilingly but in a tone of threat, he made it clear to everyone that she is a part of their family and no one should judge you otherwise they have to face the consequences.

“Yeosang, you didn’t have to be like that to them. They were so scared of you.”

He chuckled, “So? They should know their place. I can tolerate anything but I won’t be thinking twice if I hear anything about you and if it’s making you uncomfortable.”

“Why are you caring so much?” You asked while shifting in your place beside him. It’s so nice spending time with him in the terrace.

He casted a glance at you and then looked forward to the wide city view, “Even if I wanted to hate you, I couldn’t. That was not your fault to leave me but somehow, I still get mad when I remember that you ran away and never came back.” He turned towards you and cupped your face, “Why did you leave us?”

Run away? Left them? Why do you feel that you know about this but still somewhere you can’t remember some important parts. You always see yourself running in your dreams and escaping from somewhere. You were scared and wanting help but nobody was there. Should you tell him about your dreams? Maybe later. What if you were running away from them?

You held his wrists and smiled, “I don’t know why I did. But one thing is that am sure about is I was in need of somebody. A person who could protect me but no one was there and I was all left alone. I was scared, Yeosang”

A sad look appeared on his face. Air of guilt suffocating him but still he managed to cup your cheeks.

“Every time remember that even if you are my enemy then also you will be the first person I would protect. I can’t hurt you, Y/n.” In a soft tone he said to you.

“Then why did you behave like that on the first day?”

He avoided your eyes hearing the question, placing his hands on his thighs, he looked down, “I was scared that you would leave again. I would lose you again and that guy in your college would steal you away from me.”

“You both are my friends. Don’t worry, I’m not leaving either of you.” You placed your hands on his.

  You wonder what they would do with the ones who speak tons of nonsense about you and the CEOs behind their back. You don’t mind it though as you are trying your best to ignore them as you have got your boys.

Well, boys. Your boys.

Yeah, it may sound funny that you are calling some grown men as your boys but one time after your tired day when you were scrolling through the phone, Seonghwa and Hongjoong came inside the cabin with lots of treats and all the snacks were your favourite despite some of those were disapproved by Hongjoong. You laughed when he scolded you for eating those unhealthy foods but still, he had that fondness in his eyes while watching you enjoying their treat. You told them that they were behaving like teenage boys and they gladly mentioned that they are your boys. And then everytime, you are teasing them calling them out as your boys, of course behind those employees at work.

Did you call them as your boys back then?

“When we were friends back then, did you all use to buy snacks for me like this?” You asked them while munching your cookies.

Honjoong was leaning against the corner table and going through some files placed on it. On hearing your question, he adjusted his glasses and looked up to give a small smile to your direction, “Yeah…you can say like that. Maybe we did. We…just wanted you to be happy, to see you always smiling.”

“And we are relieved that our little angel is enjoying our treat so much.” Seonghwa leans against the table in front where he managed to make a place to keep his hand as you have spread your snacks all over it.

“Little…angel?” You have heard this name. Maybe by someone with whom you had come across many times or might be Beomgyu. No, he can’t be the one calling you these names. Then who? You are sure you are not wrong remembering hearing this name before. Lately, many mysterious things seemed familiar to you and you are curious every day. Oh wait! How did you forget this name? You have heard this in your dream.

“You…you used to call me this name?....” You said while your curious eyes dancing between both of them.

“Are you asking me or you are remembering anything?” Seonghwa seemed too happy hearing you and he held your hands tightly.

“I…I don’t know…It just felt like I have heard this.”

Hongjoong came beside you and patted your head, “If you ever remember something do tell me or any one of us. We would be happy to get to know the past or maybe” He casted a glance at the other man standing on the other side and then turned to you, “we would likely know the things happened…with you after you left us.”

You nodded.

……..

Tell them what you remembered. You have managed the courage a lot of times to tell them about your dreams but the time you are standing in front of them, you just give them a smile and shake your head as if those are nothing to bother about. But deep down you want to voice out. Many things are clear, most importantly that you knew them back in your school days but them being your friends is still a mysterious topic. The nicknames they are using like Wooyoung calling you his cupcake, Yeosang as doll and Seonghwa as his little angel, these are exactly those names you hear in your dreams. One might find it weird to hear and see stuffs in dreams and then spending the whole day thinking about that but for you, having some flashbacks is really an important matter. Few days back when you heard Wooyoung saying the same sentence from your dream while giving you the cupcake triggered something that lead you to ignore him. He was really upset and others found it concerning when you both were being distant. But one day, you went to talk to him and told him that you were suddenly feeling down past those days and that was the time when Yeosang suddenly changed and you three started spending time together. One day Hongjoong commented when you three were enjoying time at the terrace during the break that seeing you with both of them felt like Deja-vu. Is it though? So, you used to spend your days like that? Now half of your mind is excited that you are finally remembering stuffs and getting close to your old friends and rest half is curious and confused to know how exactly your relationship was with them. Were you only friends or you had something more than that with one of them?

Now, here comes Star. You are literally so happy to get her company in this little adventure. You have introduced Beomgyu to her one day when you two went out for a girls’ day outing but suddenly you came across him. Gradually, they have become good friends as well. You are literally having a best life with both of your new friends and old friends. Star is still being stick to the point on not telling them anything about your dreams and insisted you to tell them later when it would be a better time. Here comes the problem, recently whenever one of them finds you out having whispering conversation with Star, they would drag you away as if they are not liking you being friends with her. There should not be a problem but now you have to go outside or somewhere private to talk to her. Still, you know you have been on watch by none other than Yunho. Oh, he is enjoying this too much as whenever he catches you alone or talking with her then he would just tilt his head and smirks at you as if he is saying ‘There is nowhere you can run to.’ Yeah, of course as you are yet to get familiar to the building, not like him maybe literally born here. Very funny!

Your first target was Wooyoung and you needed to get to know about him as much as you wanted but the problem was you didn’t know from where to start with. So, you and Star made it to the point that you would get to know everything from him. If he is so friendly and nice to you then he should not hesitate in telling you how you met him but you need to keep in mind that you are not crossing your limit asking him too many questions that can make him feel like you are doubting him. You are just confused with everything like if you really had such nice friends then what would have been the matter for you to be in a condition where you could see yourself in horror in your dreams.

“What are you doing here?”

Your gaze moved towards the man standing at the door leaning and drinking his coffee. You didn’t expect him to be here but his curious eyes looking back at you with his question.

“Woo, I was just completing some paper works by tonight. Do you need something?” You glanced at the clock and sighed.

“I heard you were searching for me this afternoon. Why?” He asked and sat across from you.

Oh. I almost forgot.

“Yeah, I was. It’s nothing important if you are busy then we can talk about it later.”

He shook his head and leaned forward, “It’s look like you are busy right now but whenever you want to talk to me just remember I’m always available for you.”

You smiled at the grinning man in front, “I have almost finished with this work so it wont matter if we spend some time together. Jongho was helping me a lot this evening so Hongjoong won’t scold me again for not completing the work on time.”

He laughed, “You know he doesn’t actually get angry with you. It’s just his position’s characteristic which he needs to show to people so that they don’t take him easy. He has a lot of responsibility and a perfect big brother to us and he always look after us and…you. He can’t do anything that would scare you or that could harm you.”

“And you? What about you?” You put the papers aside and rested your face on your palm, elbows resting on the table and watching how he was turning the pages and glancing at you. His eyes caught yours but you didn’t look away.

“What about me?” He asked you and leaned forward.

“I want to know how you actually are, like you described Hongjoong. Were we the closest back then?”

“Yes. We were the best-friends.”

“Aren’t we all were?” you tilted your head.

“No…I mean…Yes we were…but but I met you first so we were special but…”

“But?” You stood and walk to his side and held his hand “but what, Woo?”

You watched how he was thinking something as if he was fighting with his own self and trying to form proper words but when you gave his hands a warm squeeze, he looked at you and you smiled.

“But what, Woo? Please tell me. I want our friendship to be like that again.”

Nibbling his lower lip between the teeth, he spoke “We met at a café when you were in junior school.”

Aha. There, he went. You knew he would be the soft target and that was how you got to him.

He continued, “You were so quiet and watching the donuts and cupcakes behind the glass case in the shop. I went there with Yeosang that day but he was busy doing his stuffs and you caught my eyes. I didn’t mind you at first but somehow, I went up to you and you were so scared of me. That was the first day I bought you a cupcake. You were hesitating to take it but still you glanced at me and at my hand then ran away.”

“You know me for a long time….” You were so into the story that you didn’t notice Wooyoung was almost sitting at the edge of the table.

“Yes. Since that day, I went there often just in hope that I would meet you again but you didn’t show up….Then one day I was walking home alone, you came behind me with a man and gave me some gifts. I was so confused but the man explained me that I helped you to buy the cupcake as you were hungry but shy to order things and I suppose we became friends like that.”

“We were not school-friends? And who was the man?” Your curiosity taking over you.

“No. We were not in the same school but we used to hang out after school. And I don’t know who was that man but you looked very happy with him.” He replied and pulled you between his legs and wrapped his arms around you.

You were not feeling uncomfortable being so close with him but a wave of comfort and familiarity spread all across yours. A smile appeared on your face along with his. Your mind was trying hard to remember those days you had spent with him, the happy days which are lost within a void and you desperately need to remember it to know if the days were so full of rainbows and butterflies then why you have flashbacks of some dark past. You shook your head but Wooyoung caught a glimpse of your panicked eyes.

“What happened? If you have any question, please do ask me. I am more than happy to share the past with you.”

You hesitated for a moment but when his promising smile nodded at you, the words automatic fell out from your mouth, “Did something happen between us? Are we something like teenage couples or like that? I…” You were almost near telling him about your dreams but you paused, that was not the current time to ask him about those dark themes.

Sadness flicked in his eyes but he quickly smiled, “Why?” He leaned to your ears, “Are you so curious about the past and your lovers?”

“What? No no. I am just asking you.” You tried to turn around but he held you tightly.

“Y/n, listen don’t always run away. Learn to face your situations confidently. If you are curious, you should be but don’t turn your back and run away…..just like the way you did in high-school.”

His palm caressing your soft cheeks and you leaning to his warm touch, “Please, Wooyoung.” You breathed out his name, you had so much in mind but didn’t know how to figure them out. Now his words were making it more confusing for you. You didn’t know what you were requesting him but he was on the edge to fulfil your demands.

“Tell me, cupcake. What do you need?”

“I want to forget everything for a moment and just want to think that only we are best-friends enjoying our time now together like we did back then.”

He stared at you for a moment before pressing his lips on you. Instead of pushing him away, you pulled him more into the kiss by wrapping your arms around his neck. He smiled in the kiss and held your head gently. The kiss started with both of your nose hitting each other, lips moving in sync as if you both were waiting for that moment. The kiss was neither too soft nor too rough but somewhere in between, like he was desperate to lose control but also controlling himself from causing a little bit of harm. Knowing him for some months and kissing him should make you regret and guilt should surround you but somewhere your mind was trusting him as if he could protect you from that dark past which was again haunting you. You didn’t know if he was the part of that past but still you were leaning to his comfort. Each warmth of his lips seemed familiar as if you knew him as if you were remembering everything yet your mind was black. His lips travelled down your jaw trailing kisses to your throat and shoulder, pulling your shirt down. He nibbled the area and gave a soft bite when you moaned hid name.

“I’m sorry…” He quickly apologized when he realised that he was lost in the moment and both of you were not even caring if anybody had seen you through the glass cabin or could enter through the doors.

“It’s okay, Woo….I..I allowed you too…” You couldn’t match his eyes when he grabbed your chin and made you look at him.

“Look at me. If you want to trust us. Please let us know that you trust us but never trust anyone other from us. You don’t know what intentions they have but you have us to protect you from this big world.”

“You are telling me as if I’m a kid. But Woo..” You slid your hand up to his cheek and gave him a smile, “I trust you.”

Even though he is still a stranger to you but somehow his words and actions are familiar. But you just had your kiss with him and your first target has been cleared. You don’t know who to get to know after this and you have many more questions to Wooyoung but maybe later. Now, it would be easy for you to discuss about your past.

“Woo…You had my first kiss.” You shyly and slowly told him.

He chuckled and you looked up, “No. I’m not your first kiss. You already had it with one of us but not me. Maybe I was the first person to meet you but someone else was good at stealing your first kiss and” He whispered, “Maybe he doesn’t know this but I’m your third kiss. You had your time with two of them and I am not complaining.”

What the hell! Who?

……

You had a kiss with Wooyoung and then there is this mysterious man from your story and also, you had already kissed them. What? Maybe he was joking? You had lover in your school days and that even more than one? Have you slept with anyone? Wait! You were minor in middle school but it could be even if you had anything in the first half of your high-school. You were almost elder than those students as you had been under medication according to Beomgyu so you had to off your school for one year but he didn’t mention about your friends. Medications? But that was a flue which damaged and led me having some health issues. Maybe he came after you left your friends. This is very confusing as what did happen in the high school which did lead you here.

……..

“Hey! What are you thinking? Tell me did he tell you anything about the past?” Star asks you while sipping her juice. You totally forgot that you have a company beside you and you were lost in your thoughts.

“Yeah…he told me about our friendship and how we used to spend our days. I asked him about it last week but you were not here these days so I couldn’t tell you.” You pout in the end of your speech.

She laughed, “Sorry I was kinda busy but what else he said?”

“Else?...um nothing.” It’s better to skip the kiss part, apart from that there was nothing “I just trust him that he was my closest friend. Well, he is a nice friend and seems like he is close with Yeosang and San too much maybe I can know other things from them.”

“You are going to ask them? Aren’t they scary to you?” Star raises her brows with her question.

“I didn’t say I will ask them. I am okay with Yeosang but San is still not included. Maybe, I should target Jongho Mingi or Yeosang next. They seem pretty good to approach.”

“What about Hongjoong and Seonghwa?” She asks you quickly. You think about them for a moment before replying her.

“I don’t know but they are pretty too professional while talking about anything but it’s better to-“

"CEO Jeong is calling you." you flinch on the chair, hearing a sudden voice inside the cabin. You didn’t hear anyone opening the door. Turning towards your door, you see Jongho standing leaning against the glass wall with folded hands above his chest and looking between you and Star. He didn’t mention Yunho’s name because they refer to each other with their last name in front of others.

"Did he tell you why?" you asked him but he just shrugged and turned back to the passageway but pauses and signals you to follow him.

"Star, take care of the rest," you said, standing up and she nodded eagerly. You don’t know if Jongho is bothered by her presence but you can explain him that she was there because she needed your help in some model outlooks for her magazine next week. You know she is the daughter of their business partner but they don’t appreciate her presence much except Wooyoung.

Before exiting the door, you turned and said, “Star, next is Jongho.”

You greet everyone you see while making your way to the elevator. You enter the elevator and press the tenth floor where the CEOs are having their respective works today.

You can always see a black door in each floor and you know whose cabins are those.

That is for CEO Kim Hongjoong and Park Seonghwa, is the literal head of the Company or The Bosses.

You made it to the tenth floor and when you exit the elevator, Jongho wave at you, “Go quickly, he was in hurry.”

You make your way towards Yunho's office. You knock on the door before entering his office. You saw him sitting on the chair before he looks at you and smirks. He and his signature expression.

"How's everything? Sit down please, "He asks you and you slowly close the door and sit down in front of his desk. You haven’t come across this floor before and this place is so quiet like even if he kills you, no one would get a hint. What the hell you are thinking?

"Everything is good...Yunho… all the pending works have been completed. Why do you need me?" you say politely but hands fidgeting on top of the chair handle. You always feel like a prey in front of him because of his gaze.

He looks at you before removing his glasses. He stands up from his seat before walking towards you. You keep your eyes on him as he places his hand on the armrests on your chair. He leans down to your level.

"You're extra cute today, pearl." He whispered right into your ear, his husky voice giving you some chills.

“Pearl?” Is this the name he used to call you back then? Do they each have separate names for you? If you were close with them then why some of them behave as if you were their past enemy. Or it can be that they are mad at you because of your leave then it’s not your fault as you yourself don’t know why you did that back then.

You heard the door open and both of you turn your heads towards the door, seeing Hongjoong standing there, not impressed by the position you were in.

"I sensed something happening here. Please don't be so close to her, despite her working under you. This is the second time I have caught you. Yunho" He slightly pushes Yunho away from you as he drags him to the side. “Be in the limits.”

“But I’m limitless.”

You look at them, confused about what they are doing. Yunho just smiled at you before looking back at Hongjoong and the other is already glaring at him.

"Look, I'll deal with you later." Hongjoong told him before leaving the room.

You look at Yunho before glancing at the door but he just winks at you. Isn’t he flirting too much today?

You continue to follow his words and explanation about the upcoming meeting and noted everything important in your tablet, he even joked a bit during the conversation but the next moment he is back to his dominating aura. You don’t expect him to suddenly change like Yeosang but you catch him staring at you many times, his eyes tell as if he is eager to say you a lot of things but somehow, he can’t.

"Outstanding works out there, pearl." He says when he goes through your points noted in the tablet. You thank him.

“So, I have one more thing to mention that you are going with us to this meeting at the hotel as we have to take a responsible employee but no one is better than our personal assistant who can handle our meeting there." He said and your eyes widened. No way, you are going to handle a business meeting at a hotel. You are worst when it comes to attend something in grand places because you still remember the insults you once got for your poor dress and looks.

"I- I can't handle that much-"

"No worries about that. You'll only be handling the files and taking down the notes and if required you can suggest on arranging our events with them. You don’t have much work but still your presence is a must." He said and you slowly nod but somewhere you are fighting an inner battle.

……

All the CEOs have arrived to the hotel. They have all arrived by the time but you and Yunho were earlier as the main member was him and so he brought you along with him. He has that permanent grip on your wrist since you both got down the car. You tried to wiggle but he glared at you and you don’t want to mess with him before the meeting as its very important for him.

"Stay close to me." He said then pats your back. He finally spotted the booked table for the meeting and went there to sit with you by his side.

A man in black suit comes near your table and you both stand up to greet him. Yunho introduced himself and you as his secretary but the man walks past him and comes to you. Yunho clenches his jaw.

“Hi, myself Lee Taeyong. The leader of Neo Culture Technology. What’s your name pretty?” He asks you and lifts your hand to press a kiss on back of it.

"I'm Y/N and I'll be attending the meeting with them today." You said then he suddenly lifts your chin up to make you look at him.

"You're kinda cute. what's your number?" He smirks and you glance at Yunho by your side whose eyes are full of rage. Little did you know, he was plotting a full proof murder scene for this man for touching you like this even in front of him.

"Taeyong, it seems like you need some pretty assistant in your office too. "A voice said before nearing your table. The man in front of you groans and smirks at the new comer.

"Gosh…How much I would have love that but" He said then looks at you while you avoid his eyes. Yunho gave you a signal not to react to his words.

Taeyong offers Yunho and you to sit down as he remove his blazer and places it over the chair.

"Do I have a chance there with you?" He smirks then you shake your head.

"No, sir."

"Too bad. "He stood up and took his schedule from the table. He then added one thing before placing it back.

"Hey, CEO Kim." He placed a hand on Hongjoong's shoulder and smiled at him. The other CEOs also greeted him.

He then sit back down between Hongjoong and Seonghwa and you between Yunho and Jongho. You notice other two members with Taeyong has also taken their seats.

"So, look... this new technology is already a success. Your events too CEO Jeong. The projects you've been creating are amazing too." Taeyong complimented them as they thanked him.

"Your agency are making amazing technology crafts too." Seonghwa said as he poured wine for him.

Taeyong looks at you and smiles, "She's adorable." He is still looking at you while the others also did the same thing.

"Are you interested in working as a model? I can make you my company's model." He said and Yeosang rolled his eyes.

"Become our model, you will get extra pay and-" Yunho suddenly holds your hand and abruptly stands up. He then pinches your cheek, leaving you shocked. He wraps his arms around your shoulder as he placed his chin on top of your head, back hugging you. Taeyong smirks at the scene with the raised eyebrows.

"I'm sorry.. she's working for me and she's mine-" “Yunho-“

Jongho stood up and flicks his head, making him let go of you. Jongho then pulls you away from him.

"I'm sorry about him.”

Jongho then caresses your shoulders and smiles at you. You didn’t expect Yunho to be like that in this important meeting as it may hamper his upcoming project.

"She works for our company and holds a special spot. She won't be going to any other companies for now." Seonghwa said, sitting down.

"Aww, I see. She would have been a good model too for my company." Taeyong said in a mocking tone.

"Shall we talk about business now?"

Hongjoong had it enough.

.

.

Why Hongjoong doesn’t allow anyone to be close with you? Should you find this out and get to know him first before Jongho? Also, you have noticed one thing that San is always with Yeosang. Without getting answers, the amount of questions are just increasing. Most importantly, who are the ones you had your kiss?

You look around the table. You caught his eyes, still watching you.

Him?

Who do you think are the ones she had kissed?

NEXT

Taglist :

@mymoodwriting @justhere4kpop @vvshere @anyamaris @yeoobin @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @brrrkdslek-main @icchyi @jwnghyuns @piratequeen-queenofgames @luhwaine @ilove-taeyong @dinonuguaegi @endeav0rsb1tch @loveforred @hwanring @sanwifesstuff @kiwiisnthereoops @kiwiraccoon @sousydive @aliona124754

(open! dm me/ send ask/reply here)

[buckychristwrites]

Could This Be | Chap. Two | j.t.

Summary: One minute, you're single and working for AFC Richmond as the team's medic. The next minute, you're in a fake relationship with the team's handsome striker who you know next to nothing about..

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: Cussing. Fake Dating

A/N: I hope you guys enjoy :)

Masterlist | Could This Be Masterlist | Main Blog

All eyes were on you, although they would occasionally jump to Jamie as well. 

You opened your mouth and immediately closed it again. Your brain felt like it was stroking out, unable to process the information you had just been given.

You? And Jamie? Jamie Tartt? The Jamie Tartt? The footballer Jamie Tartt? Striker for AFC Richmond Jamie Tartt? Former Lust Conquers All competitor Jamie Tartt? The idiot standing next to you Jamie Tartt? Jamie Tartt, whom you didn’t even know the birthday of, or really anything else about him? That Jamie Tartt?

The room began to spin slightly, but it wasn’t from any alcohol. Your mind was painfully overwhelmed as it ran a million miles a minute. Everyone was silently waiting for you to speak, Keeley’s eyes like daggers as she stared at you. You glanced over at Jamie, who was the only person in the room who couldn’t seem to look at you. 

Your mouth opened, locked and loaded with denial at the ready…

“I guess the cat’s out of the bag.”

What?

Why are you going along with this? You asked yourself. It was unclear.

The collective gasp that filled the back yard felt rehearsed. Everyone began looking at each other in complete surprise. When you looked at Jamie, he was also staring at you, stunned, as if he expected you to deny it just as much as you expected yourself to. Realising what you had just said, you scooted closer to him, as if to stand in solidarity. Swallowing hard, you tried to come off as more confident than you felt.

“It’s true,” You declared. “Jamie is my boyfriend.” Jamie said nothing, instead wrapping a hesitant arm around your shoulders and pulling you close to him. You wondered if you looked as stiff as you felt. It seemed that everyone began to talk at the same time.

“We are so happy for you too! Why did you not tell us?”

“Two of my favourite people, together and in love. What a beautiful world we live in.”

“Since when is Tartt a good liar? How did you hide this from us?”

“I think the better question is why?” Keeley interjected, her arms crossed over her chest. It was clear that she wasn’t handling the news as kindly as the others.

“I don’t know,” You said, feeling like it was the only thing you could say that wasn’t a lie. “I was afraid. And I didn’t want things to change, with you or with anyone. I hated the thought of being another footballer's girlfriend.” 

Been there, done that, assumed you would never do it again. 

That’s what you get for assuming, apparently.

Keeley picked at her chin as she thought about this, before rushing forward and grabbing your hand. Jamie’s arm slipped away from you as she pulled you inside without a word. The crowd within the house had thinned momentously, and you wondered if it had to do with the kitchen drama that was now ensuing in the yard. She led you up the stairs and into the bathroom, where she closed and locked the door. A long time passed with her just staring at the closed door. It made you want to throw up. Her eyebrows were knitted together when she finally turned to face you. 

“Can you please explain this to me?” She asked you in a quiet voice.

“Keeley…” You said, desperate to tell her the truth but knowing you had dug your own grave. “I’m so sorry.” You began to pull at the hem of your shirt. “It just… it just happened. I didn’t know how to tell you.” Part of you wondered if you should be concerned about how easy it was to feed her this lie. 

“I guess I’m just sad you didn’t tell me sooner, but I am over the moon for you,” She admitted with a softening face. “Jamie is wonderful. He’ll treat you better than he ever treated me when we were together.” You shifted as you tried not to look uncomfortable. 

“He’s changed because of you though,” You reminded her. She rolled her eyes.

“Well, at least one of us gets to reap the benefits of my work, then.” The both of you laugh, her placing a hand on your forearm. When you settled, she looked at you with her big, caring eyes. “I just have another question to ask.”

Having a feeling where this was going, you nodded. She took a deep breath.

“Are you sure you’re ready for something like this?” Her voice was soft, tender, and you could tell this was her biggest concern. She glanced at the sink counter before looking back at you. “It just wasn’t that long ago that… you know who happened. And you had said you wouldn’t date another footballer. I just-”

“Oh no,” You said, waving your hand to stop her from talking. If she said anything more, it would become clear that you absolutely were not ready for anything like this, which was why you hadn’t wanted anything like this. But you shoved those feelings down and plastered an all too reassuring smile on your face. “It’s… it’s different this time, I think.” Your hands shook anyway, and you had to shove them in your pockets to hide them.

“Obviously,” Keeley said with a chuckle. “Jamie would never.” She didn’t elaborate, but she didn’t need to. You already knew what she meant, and you already knew she was right.

“Are we okay?” You asked her, the pain in your chest from this whole encounter seeming to worsen. The idea of risking your friendship with Keeley over a lie for Jamie was absolutely ridiculous.

“Of course we are, babe,” She assured you, grabbing your hand and giving it a firm squeeze. “I just want you to be happy.” The tension released, your muscles happy to finally relax. You squeezed her hand in return, giving her a wide smile that she returned before pulling you into a hug. “But you still owe me an explanation on how this all happened!” You forced a slight laugh.

“Maybe another day?” Maybe in a few weeks when you actually had an explanation to give. For now, you were so stressed over everything that had transpired over the last half hour that you felt the need for another drink. She released you, and you gave her another smile. 

“It better be another day soon,” She said with a hint of warning in her voice. “I want every last detail. You nodded with feign enthusiasm.

“Let’s go back to the party, yeah?” She nodded, turning and leading you out of the bathroom, your wrist in her hand. 

Before going back outside, where it was dark now, you found Roy and Sam in the kitchen. Sam was pouring another drink for himself while Roy was taking a sip of another beer. They both looked up at you and Keeley as you entered. Even though Keeley joined her boyfriend, his arm wrapped around her and a kiss planted on her forehead, you could feel Roy’s eyes following you. It was hard to ignore, but you pretended not to notice as you poured yourself another, much stronger drink. 

“So,” Roy said, making you flinch at the break in the quiet. “You and Tartt.” 

If there was anyone on the planet that you didn’t want to talk to about this subject, it was Roy Kent. The wish that the floor would swallow you whole intensified. Biting your lip, you continued to make your drink.

“Me and Jamie,” You replied, failing to hide the strain. He responded with a noise that was a mix between a grunt and hum. Keeley hit his chest lightly.

“Don’t push her, Roy,” She chastised. “It was probably very stressful for them to finally tell us. We’re happy for them, right?” Roy nodded. You allowed yourself a glance at his face, and when you saw the scepticism, you immediately wished you hadn’t.

“It just seems very random,” He continued, leading Keeley so the two of them were moving closer to you. Sam was looking between you and Roy, his face thoughtful. 

“Love does seem very random, does it not?” He asked, his head tilted as he made eye contact with Roy. “It seemed random to the rest of us when you and Keeley got together.” At that moment, you wanted to kiss Sam all over his lovely face. You didn’t have any answers for Roy’s questions. It was all just as random to you as it was to him. 

You went to flee to the back yard, when a random thought crossed your mind. You turned back and went to the fridge, assessing the assortment of beets before grabbing one and letting it close. As you passed, you exchanged a look with Roy. He was glaring at you suspiciously, while you were trying to match that energy in your own stare. In the end, you were glad when you were back outside in the cool, evening air. Throwing your drink back, you took a few hefty drink.

You wandered over to Jamie, who was sitting in the same lounge chair you had claimed not that long ago. Handing him the fresh cold beer, he gave you a surprised look before taking it from you. 

“Thanks,” He said, all smiley as he looked at the bottle. “Even got me favourite.” You looked around at the other Richmond players, who, despite building a fire in the pit in the middle of the yard, were still all throwing glances yours and Jamie’s way. 

“I guessed,” You mumbled before making your way to the chair at the opposite side. Without warning, Jamie grabbed you, gently pulling you down into the same chair he sat in and pulling your back against his chest.

“Gotta sell it,” He mumbled in your ear, breath hot against your skin. 

The tension had returned to your body in full force, your chest rising and falling heavily. How did this happen? Why did you agree to it? Why were you suddenly so afraid?

“We’re gonna have to talk about this at some point, you know,” You mumbled to him. He wrapped an arm around your upper chest, his palm pressed flat against your clavicle. Your skin was on fire at the feeling. “This situation you got us into.”

“I know,” He mumbled. You wondered if he was enjoying this. There weren’t any signs that he was hating it. “I’m sorry. She started talkin’ about another blind date, and I told her I was seein’ someone. She asked who and… I dunno. Your name slipped out.” Your face didn’t change as you listened, eyes still on the fire that the others started, which had now grown pretty large. 

“When I said to lie, I didn’t mean about me, goofball,” You joked, trying to create some ease, more in yourself than anything. You felt the laughter shake in his chest despite that it was silent. 

“I just panicked. It was stupid.” 

The door creaked open and Keeley walked out, followed by Roy. You averted Roy’s eyes as he walked over to the chair next to you and Jamie, the same chair he had occupied before, and took a seat once more. 

“This is weird,” Roy remarked to the two of you. The rest of the team were talking amongst each other. 

“Is it weird enough that you need to make comments like that?” Jamie asked, tapping his fingers against your chest. “Or could you try acceptin’ the happiness of your friends?”

Roy didn’t respond, deciding to let out a low growl instead while refraining from looking at either Jamie or you. You continued to say nothing, instead focusing on keeping your breathing normal. Which was incredibly hard, due to the fact that the panic had already risen to critical levels. The only thing running through your mind was leaving. Though you hadn’t been at the party for as long as everyone else, the evening took a turn that was more draining than you were prepared for.

You grabbed your drink and finished it with a single gulp. 

“I think I’m gonna head home.”

Everyone watched you as you stood up, brushing your hands on your trousers before looking around at the faces. With a wave, you smiled before saying, “Sorry about the announcement earlier. I’ll see you guys later.”

Keeley stood, walking over and giving you a kiss on the cheek and a tight hug. 

“I’m so happy for you, babe,” She assured you. You sighed, probably coming off as relieved to her, but you knew it was the exact opposite. Pulling away, you gave her one last smile before walking a little too fast through the backdoor and through the house. It was empty now. It was probably safe to assume that Keeley and Roy had asked the rest of the party to leave prior to returning outside.

It wasn’t until you got to the door to the front yard that you noticed that Jamie had gotten up and followed you inside. Pulling your hand away from the doorknob, you turned to look at him. His hands were behind his back, and he looked down at the floor, seeming to become bashful underneath your hard stare.

“Sorry, I-” He swallowed. “I thought it would look weird if I just let you leave.” You glanced around the room for a moment, gathering your thoughts.

“Roy is right,” You told him. “This is so weird. We go from never speaking to suddenly, we’re together? A couple?” Your shoulders flew up in an intense shrug before falling down once more. “It doesn’t make sense, Jamie. We have to-” You sighed as you stared at his crestfallen face. “We have to tell them the truth. Or say we ended it. This is insane. Expecting me to go along with this is insane.” 

You turned to leave, ignoring him when he called after you. 

The tears began the second you were in your car. The drive wasn’t long, but it sure felt like it was when you were crying the whole way there. Every light seemed to turn red, which upset you even further. By the time you pulled into your driveway, you placed your head on the steering wheel and let it all out. The hyperventilating was intense, so intense that you were having a hard time getting it under control.

You hadn’t been touched like that since…

No.

You wouldn’t do Jamie the disrespect of comparing him to that.

Still, the feeling of it was so disarming. Your hand went to your neck, rubbing at the skin in an attempt to get the burning to subside. 

Fucking worthless, ain’t you?

You rushed inside, fumbling with your keys through your shaky hands. Before you knew it, you were running to the bathroom, throwing the shower on and tossing your clothes on the floor. Your hands went right for the soap and the cloth, immediately lathering yourself up to try and wash away the memory of the hands on your skin. 

Not Jamie’s, anyway.

Just the memories his touch brought back.

You must’ve scrubbed three or four times before your skin stopped burning. Even still, you stayed under the hot water, pressing your forehead against the shower tile. 

It was clear now that this game with Jamie had to end.

If this was how you reacted to a fake relationship, how could you ever again handle a real one?

~

TAGS

@daffieapple, @my-left-sock, @buckybarnex, @jelleeyfish, @ricciardhoe3, @picked-off-by-barzal, @lilweirdgal, @hotdoglamp, @loveslide, @rosea-h, @13-7-19-67-71

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

(( HAI IT'S ME THE LIME LEAF ANON WHO ALWAYS TYPES INSANELY LONG SUBMISSIONS AND ONLY TYPES IN CAPS . SORRY THIS IS REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY LONG BUT I PUT MY ENTIRE HEART AND SOUL AND MANY MANY HOURS INTO WRITING THIS SO I THINK IT'S WORTH IT ))

(( AND JUST WANNA CLARIFY, I'M AWARE THAT EMPATHY , SYMPATHY , COMPASSION , GUILT , AND CARING ARE 5 DIFFERENT THINGS BUT ALTHOUGH THE DSM ONLY REQUIRES LOW EMPATHY IT'S SUPER COMMON FOR PWNPD TO LACK THE OTHERS AS WELL. SO WHEN I REFER TO "EMPATHY" I'M USING IT AS A CATCH-ALL TERM FOR ANY KIND OF SADNESS OR FEELING BAD OVER SOMEONE'S SUFFERING AND WHEN I REFER TO "EMPATHS" I MEAN PEOPLE WHO CONSISTENTLY, NATURALLY AND APPROPRIATELY FIND OTHERS' SUFFERING UPSETTING ))

NPD CULTURE IS WISHING THERE WAS ACTIVISM SPECIFICALLY TARGETED AT NARCISSISTS. BECAUSE TELL ME WHY 90% OF ACTIVISM IS JUST "IF YOU DON'T FEEL AWFUL AND MISERABLE FOR THESE STARVING CHILDREN THEN YOU'RE A TERRIBLE DISGUSTING SUBHUMAN CREATURE AND DESERVE TO DIE. BUT IF YOU DO FEEL BAD AND HELP THEM YOU'RE JUST NORMAL AND DON'T DESERVE ANYTHING SPECIAL" LIKE TRYING TO APPEAL TO EMPATHY 99% OF THE TIME ISN'T GONNA WORK ON US BECAUSE WE'RE NARCS.

AND LIKE WTF. I'M SO TIRED OF EVERY ACTIVIST I SEE DEMONISING A LACK OF EMPATHY AND NEVER SHOWING APPRECIATION TO THOSE WHO DO CHOOSE TO ADVOCATE.

MY FRIEND WITH NPD LITERALLY GOT A CALLOUT MADE ON THEM ON TWT FOR SAYING THEY ARE UNABLE TO FEEL EMPATHY OR CARE FOR THOSE SUFFERING IN PALESTINE ON DISCORD IN A LITERAL VENT CHANNEL . LIKE WE HAVE SERIOUSLY GOTTA START NORMALISING SELFISH ACTIVISM BECAUSE YOU GUYS CAN'T JUST PICK AND CHOOSE WHEN YOU WANT TO SEE PEOPLE WITH LOW EMPATHY AS PEOPLE

I BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE NOT WANTING TO ADVOCATE DOESN'T MAKE THEM A BAD PERSON, THEY JUST AREN'T BEING ADVERTISED THE RIGHT MOTIVATION. AND DEMONISING + DEHUMANISING PEOPLE WHO DON'T DON'T PREACH YOUR ACTIVISM IS GENUINELY NOT GONNA HELP YOUR CAUSE AT ALL PLEASE FIND A HEALTHY WAY TO MOTIVATE PEOPLE 😭 AND AS PWNPD WE HAVE A LOT LESS EMPATHY THAN OTHER PEOPLE. SO THAT'S NOT REALISTICALLY GONNA MOTIVATE US TO HELP

AND THIS IS WHERE MY CONCEPT OF NARC-TARGETED ACTIVISM COMES IN. BECAUSE OF HOW OUR MINDS FUNCTION, APPEALING TO EMPATHY IS NOT REALISTICALLY GONNA WORK ON US. BUT HELPING PEOPLE IS GOOD AND AWESOME AND NICE AND I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD DO THAT SO WE NEED TO FIND OTHER STRATEGIES TO MARKET ACTIVISM TO NARCS

IT IS HUMAN NATURE TO ONLY DO SOMETHING IF IT BENEFITS YOU IN SOME WAY. EVEN WITH EMPATHY, YOU'RE STILL BENEFITTING FROM SHOWING SUPPORT AND CARE TO OTHERS. IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER TO SHOW COMPASSION AND SYMPATHY BECAUSE YOU'RE MIRRORING THEIR EMOTIONS AND YOU CAN FEEL THEM TOO. HUMAN NATURE IS INHERENTLY SELFISH BECAUSE WE ONLY FEEL DRIVEN TO HELP OTHERS WHEN WE CAN FEEL THEIR PAIN. TAKE AWAY THE ABILITY TO FEEL OTHERS' PAIN AND THE ONLY WAY TO MARKET ACTIVISM TO SOMEONE IS TO TELL THEM HOW THEY CAN BENEFIT FROM IT. CLASSIC ADVERTISING :)

YOU'RE STILL TREATING THEM LIKE A HUMAN AND YOU'RE HEALTHILY MOTIVATING SOMEONE TO BE AN ACTIVIST!!!! GOOD JOB! EVERYONE IS HAPPY AND EVERYONE IS GETTING THEIR NEEDS MET 👏👏👏👏🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

AND IN A WORLD WHERE SHOWING EMPATHY IS SEEN AS SOME MANDATORY MORAL LAW AND A LACK OF IT IS VIEWED AS DEPLORABLE AND EVIL, FOR SOME REASON KINDLY ASKING FOR SUPPORT WITHOUT GUILT TRIPPING OR DEHUMANISING PEOPLE WHO DON'T HELP IS SEEN AS..... DEGRADING YOURSELF?? ????? ? !!? I'M SORRY THAT YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE ENTITLED TO EMPATHY AND COMPASSION BUT IF YOU SERIOUSLY NEED HELP THEN YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER THAT NOT EVERYONE FEELS EMPATHY LIKE YOU DO AND Those PEOPLE ARE ATILL PEOPLE ???! AND THEY'RE CAPABLE OF HELPING TOO !!! IF YOU CAN PROPERLY ADVERTISE TO THEIR DESIRES WITHOUT USING SUCH AN EMPATHY-CENTRIC APPROACH !

“I AM IN AN UNSAFE ENVIRONMENT AND NEED TO ESCAPE BEFORE I DIE. YOU NEED TO FEEL TERRIBLE OR ELSE YOU'RE A BAD PERSON. IF YOU DON'T DONATE OR REBLOG YOU'RE AND DISGUSTING AND NOT HUMAN”

“I'm suffering and in pain and I would never forget your kindness if you helped me. just a reblog or donation would mean the world to me. you could be the person I thank for making it to tomorrow.”

ME PERSONALLY AS A PWNPD I THINK IT IS SO MUCH MORE MOTIVATING IF YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I'M SPECIAL AND IMPORTANT AND CHARITABLE FOR CHOOSING TO HELP RATHER THAN TREATING EVERYONE WHO DOESN'T HELP LIKE THEY'RE REPULSIVE AND NOT HUMAN WHILE SHOWING ZERO APPRECIATION TO THOSE WHO DO BECAUSE THEY "DON'T DESERVE PRAISE JUST FOR BEING A DECENT HUMAN"

LITERALLY WHAT IS UP WITH PEOPLE AND DEHUMANISING US I HEAR IT CONSTANTLY IN ANY ACTIVISM LIKE I'M NOT FUCKING EXAGGERATING THAT'S ALMOST ALWAYS THEIR TALKING POINT

AND YOU SHOULD NOT DO THAT ACTUALLY !!!!!!! #1 IT'S ABLEIST #2 GUILT TRIPPING ACTIVISM MIGHT WORK ON EMPATHS BUT IS TOTALLY INEFFECTIVE ON PW LOW EMPATHY AND DEPENDING ON THEIR LEVEL OF GUILT THEY'LL EITHER FEEL LIKE A SHITTY PERSON FOR NOT CARING ENOUGH TO DO ANYTHING . OR THEY'LL GET PISSED OFF . OR THEY WILL JUST SIMPLY NOT FUCKING CARE AT ALL AND NGL I DON'T THINK YOU WANT ANY OF THOSE TO HAPPEN !!!!!!!!!!

AND NOW ...... BEHOLD ... THE NARC–FRIENDLY NARC–TARGETED ACTIVIST POST YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR . ...... . ..

BTW PLEAZ TELL ME HOW MOTIVATING IT IS FOR YOU GUYS IN THE NOTES I NEED FEEDBACK AND SUGGESTIONS TO BETTER MARKET ACTIVISM TO MORE DEMOGRAPHICS OF NARCISSISTS

╞════════════════════╡

NPD CULTURE IS ADVOCATING AND SPREADING AWARENESS OF PALESTINE TO BE A GOOD PERSON FOR SELFISH REASONS. NPD CULTURE IS BELIEVING THAT BEING A GOOD PERSON FOR SELFISH REASONS IS STILL BEING A GOOD PERSON.

I DON'T CARE HOW SELFISH YOUR REASONING IS, YOUR GOODNESS IS VALUED IN THIS WORLD AND SOMEONE OUT THERE ADMIRES YOU FOR IT.

MAYBE YOU'RE AFRAID PEOPLE WILL CRITICISE YOU FOR BEING SILENT.

MAYBE YOU FEEL SUPERIOR TO OTHERS FOR BEING SUCH A GOOD PERSON.

MAYBE YOU'RE DOING IT JUST FOR OTHERS TO LIKE YOU.

MAYBE YOU'RE DOING IT BECAUSE ALTHOUGH YOU DON'T ACTUALLY CARE, YOU KNOW IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO AND OTHERS ADMIRE MORALITY.

OR MAYBE YOU'RE JUST DOING IT CAUSE YOU'D FEEL LIKE A BAD PERSON IF YOU DIDN'T.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IF YOU CAN BARELY FEEL EMPATHY OR CARE FOR THE PEOPLE OF GAZA, OR EVEN IF YOU FEEL NONE AT ALL. THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON.

BUT DOING YOUR BEST TO HELP THEM IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO, AND TRUST ME, DOING THE RIGHT THING BENEFITS YOU A LOT.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU GROAN IN YOUR HEAD EVERY TIME YOU REBLOG AN AWARENESS POST OR FUNDRAISER. I DON'T CARE IF YOU GENUINELY COULDN'T CARE LESS AND HAVE THE URGE TO JUST SCROLL.

DO IT ANYWAYS. DO IT SO YOU CAN FEEL SUPERIOR TO EVERYONE FOR BEING A GOOD PERSON. DO IT SO EVERYONE THINKS HIGHLY OF YOU FOR BEING SO ALTRUISTIC AND CHARITABLE.

IT DOESN'T MATTER. ANY REASON IS A GOOD ONE TO DO THE RIGHT THING.

STILL DON'T REALLY FEEL LIKE IT? JUST IMAGINE WHAT EVERYONE WOULD THINK IN THEIR HEADS ABOUT YOU IF YOU DID.

“... WOW, THEY'RE REBLOGGING SO MANY POSTS ABOUT PALESTINE. EVEN I DON'T REBLOG THAT MANY ACTIVISM POSTS. SUCH A HUMANITARIAN... I REALLY ADMIRE PEOPLE LIKE THAT.”

“WAIT. HUH? THEIR BIO SAYS... THEY HAVE NPD.”

“REALLY? WOULDN'T THEY STRUGGLE WITH EMPATHY THEN? OR SYMPATHY, COMPASSION, AND GUILT?”

“WHAT IF... THEY DIDN'T FEEL A SINGLE OUNCE OF CARE OR EMOTION FOR THOSE PEOPLE...

BUT STILL MADE THE CHOICE TO HELP THEM ANYWAYS?”

“CARING AND FEELING BAD HAS ALWAYS COME NATURALLY FOR ME. I MEAN, I'VE MADE THE CHOICE TO HELP PEOPLE WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE TO BEFORE, BUT THAT WAS ONLY BECAUSE I FELT SOMETHING.”

“I FELT THEIR PAIN AND SADNESS. I FELT AWFUL FOR THEM, LIKE I NEEDED TO MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER.”

“THIS PERSON DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THOSE FEELINGS... YET STILL MADE THE CHOICE TO BE GOOD.”

“MAN, THAT'S BETTER THAN I AM.”

“IF I DIDN'T HAVE ANY EMPATHY I'D BE SUCH A DICK.”

“THEY PUT EVEN THE MOST ALTRUISTIC PEOPLE TO SHAME — BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY, THEY'RE ONLY BEING THAT KIND BECAUSE THEIR FEELINGS DRIVE THEM TO DO IT.”

“TAKE AWAY ALL THEIR EMPATHY AND THOSE "ALTRUISTS" WOULD PROBABLY ALL BE DICKS TOO.”

“JUST IMAGINE SOMEONE HAVING A DISORDER THAT DETERS THEM FROM DOING THE RIGHT THING...”

“BUT GOING OUT OF THEIR WAY TO DO IT ANYWAYS”

“MEANWHILE EVERYONE ELSE NATURALLY DOES THE EXACT SAME WITHOUT TRYING.”

“IT'S FUNNY,”

“EVERYONE PLACES FEELING EMPATHY ON THIS MORAL PEDESTAL”

“BUT WILL NEVER SHOW EMPATHY TOWARDS SOMEONE WHO LACKS IT.”

“AND WE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO BE KIND WITHOUT FEELING EMPATHY”

“BUT THEY DO.”

“THEY HAVE TO LEARN”

“THEY HAVE TO PUT IN EFFORT TO BE KIND.”

“BUT WE DON'T.”

“THEY'RE A BETTER PERSON THAN ANY OF US.”

“NARCISSISTS MUST BE THE ONLY TRULY KIND PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD...”

“I ADMIRE THAT PERSON”

“I'D GIVE THEM THE WHOLE WORLD IF I COULD.”

— 🍋‍🟩🍃

PS

(THIS APPLIES TO EVERY CAUSE OF ACTIVISM, I ONLY SPECIFICALLY TALKED ABOUT PALESTINE SINCE IT'S SUCH A COMMON EXAMPLE + EXPRESSING IT VAGUELY WOULD GREATLY WEAKEN MY MESSAGE.

ANY REASON THAT MOTIVATES YOU TO BE KIND AND HELP OTHERS IS A GOOD ONE.

I BELIEVE ALL THIS STRONGLY BUT UNFORTUNATELY I COULD NEVER POST THIS ON MY BLOG OR ACTUALLY SAY THIS TO ANYONE EVER OR ELSE THE EGOTYPICALS WILL TRY AND HUNT ME DOWN LIKE THE SALEM WITCH TRIALS BECAUSE I GUESS SEEING LOW EMPATHY PEOPLE AS HUMANS IS TOO WOKE OF A TAKE FOR THEM

I LOVE YOU ALL PLEASE SPREAD KINDNESS AND JOY)

PPS

(( MY BIGGEST FEAR IS ADMIN GOING "I'M NOT READING ALLAT" ONE DAY AND STRAIGHT UP JUST NOT POSTING A SUBMISSION 💀 I'M SO SORRY MAN I'M HYPERVERBAL I CAN'T HELP ACCIDENTALLY WRITING AN ESSAY FROM TRYING TO CONVEY A SINGULAR IDEA I WANTED TO SAY 💔💔💔💔

(( BUT LIKE I SPENT Actual Fucking Hours WRITING THIS LIKE LITERALLY THE ENTIRE DAY !!!! /vsrs GUYS I'M NOT EVEN GETTING AN ENGLISH GRADE FOR THIS GUYS PLEASE APPRECIATE THIS EXTREMELY INFORMATIVE AND CONCISE AND BENEFICIAL ESSAY GUYS PLEASE PLEASE I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER AND KISS THE GROUND YOU WALK ON YOU WOULD BE SO AWESOME AND AMAZING AND SUPERIOR IF YOU INTERACTED WITH THIS POST BECAUSE I'M BEING VULNERABLE AND DESPERATE SO IT'S LIKE GIVING MONEY TO THE HOMELESS IT'S SO ALTRUISTIC AND EVERYONE WILL ADORE YOU FOR IT . PEOPLE IN THE NOTES PLEASE GIVE PRAISE AND GRATITUDE TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO INTERACTED WITH THIS POST FFOR GOING OUT OF THEIR WAY TO BE SO GENEROUS AND ALTRUISTIC 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 ))

(( I'M USING MY SELF AWARENESS OF NPD COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS TO MANIPULATE EVERYONE INTO BEING NICE TO ME USING THE SAME EXACT LOGIC I'D USE TO CONVINCE MYSELF I'M ALWAYS RIGHT AND I'M ALWAYS BETTER THAN EVERYONE EVER NO MATTER WHAT ))

(( BUT GUYS THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'S ACTUALLY #TRUE OKAY I'M USING MY MARKETING STRATEGY TO ADVERTISE HOW SUPERIOR IT'D MAKE YOU AND I LOVE MY TITLE OF BEING SUPERIOR BUT I'M ACTUALLY GIVING IT TO YOU FOR REBLOGGING SINCE YOU DESERVE IT FOR BEING SO NICE TO ME AND YOUR KINDNESS MAKES YOU BETTER THAN EVERYONE ACTUALLY AND I LOVE YOU ))

PPS

(( ALSO HEY UH ADMIN . WHEN YOU'RE ADDING THE ID TEXT COULD YOU PLEASE HIDE THE PPS UNDER A CUT CAUSE I DON'T WANNA SCARE AWAY MY POTENTIAL CUSTOMERS WITH TOO MUCH UNNECESSARY YAPPING . THE MARKET IS QUITE PICKY !!! YOUR ADVERTISING COULD BE OTHERWISE FLAWLESS AND THEY'LL STILL ALL FIND SOME SILLY REASON NOT TO BUY LIKE ADDING TOO MANY UNNECESSARY THINGS . TOUGH LIFE OUT HERE FOR A BUSINESSMAN (FEMININE) ))

(( OH .. OH SHIT ADMIN I JUST REMEMBERED YOU WRITE ALL MY ID TEXT MANUALLY I'M ACTUALLY SO FUCKING SORRY 😭 ))

(( IF I REALISE THIS HAS ANY MISTAKES AFTER I SUBMIT THIS I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF BRO 💞💞💞💞🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈 /not literal ))

(( BTW TO THOSE WHO READ ALL OF THIS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I WILL SMOOCH THE GROUND YOU WALK ON YOU'RE SO AWESOME FOR BEING SO NICE DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE ))

[pt: (( hai it's me the lime leaf anon who always types insanely long submissions and only types in caps . sorry this is really really really really long but i put my entire heart and soul and many many hours into writing this so i think it's worth it ))

(( and just wanna clarify, i'm aware that empathy , sympathy , compassion , guilt , and caring are 5 different things but although the dsm only requires low empathy it's super common for pwnpd to lack the others as well. so when i refer to "empathy" i'm using it as a catch-all term for any kind of sadness or feeling bad over someone's suffering and when i refer to "empaths" i mean people who consistently, naturally and appropriately find others' suffering upsetting ))

npd culture is wishing there was activism specifically targeted at narcissists. because tell me why 90% of activism is just "if you don't feel awful and miserable for these starving children then you're a terrible disgusting subhuman creature and deserve to die. but if you do feel bad and help them you're just normal and don't deserve anything special" like trying to appeal to empathy 99% of the time isn't gonna work on us because we're narcs. and like wtf. i'm so tired of every activist i see demonising a lack of empathy and never showing appreciation to those who do choose to advocate.

my friend with npd literally got a callout made on them on twt for saying they are unable to feel empathy or care for those suffering in palestine on discord in a literal vent channel . like we have seriously gotta start normalising selfish activism because you guys can't just pick and choose when you want to see people with low empathy as people

i believe that someone not wanting to advocate doesn't make them a bad person, they just aren't being advertised the right motivation. and demonising + dehumanising people who don't don't preach your activism is genuinely not gonna help your cause at all please find a healthy way to motivate people 😭 and as pwnpd we have a lot less empathy than other people. so that's not realistically gonna motivate us to help

and this is where my concept of narc-targeted activism comes in. because of how our minds function, appealing to empathy is not realistically gonna work on us. but helping people is good and awesome and nice and i think everyone should do that so we need to find other strategies to market activism to narcs

it is human nature to only do something if it benefits you in some way. even with empathy, you're still benefitting from showing support and care to others. it makes you feel better to show compassion and sympathy because you're mirroring their emotions and you can feel them too. human nature is inherently selfish because we only feel driven to help others when we can feel their pain. take away the ability to feel others' pain and the only way to market activism to someone is to tell them how they can benefit from it. classic advertising :)

you're still treating them like a human and you're healthily motivating someone to be an activist!!!! good job! everyone is happy and everyone is getting their needs met 👏👏👏👏🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

and in a world where showing empathy is seen as some mandatory moral law and a lack of it is viewed as deplorable and evil, for some reason kindly asking for support without guilt tripping or dehumanising people who don't help is seen as….. degrading yourself?? ????? ? !!? i'm sorry that you feel like you're entitled to empathy and compassion but if you seriously need help then you have to consider that not everyone feels empathy like you do and those people are atill people ???! and they're capable of helping too !!! if you can properly advertise to their desires without using such an empathy-centric approach !

“i am in an unsafe environment and need to escape before i die. you need to feel terrible or else you're a bad person. if you don't donate or reblog you're and disgusting and not human”

“i'm suffering and in pain and i would never forget your kindness if you helped me. just a reblog or donation would mean the world to me. you could be the person i thank for making it to tomorrow.”

me personally as a pwnpd i think it is so much more motivating if you make me feel like i'm special and important and charitable for choosing to help rather than treating everyone who doesn't help like they're repulsive and not human while showing zero appreciation to those who do because they "don't deserve praise just for being a decent human"

literally what is up with people and dehumanising us i hear it constantly in any activism like i'm not fucking exaggerating that's almost always their talking point

and you should not do that actually !!!!!!! #1 it's ableist #2 guilt tripping activism might work on empaths but is totally ineffective on pw low empathy and depending on their level of guilt they'll either feel like a shitty person for not caring enough to do anything . or they'll get pissed off . or they will just simply not fucking care at all and ngl i don't think you want any of those to happen !!!!!!!!!!

and now …… behold … the narc–friendly narc–targeted activist post you've all been waiting for . …… . ..

btw pleaz tell me how motivating it is for you guys in the notes i need feedback and suggestions to better market activism to more demographics of narcissists

╞════════════════════╡

npd culture is advocating and spreading awareness of palestine to be a good person for selfish reasons. npd culture is believing that being a good person for selfish reasons is still being a good person.

i don't care how selfish your reasoning is, your goodness is valued in this world and someone out there admires you for it.

maybe you're afraid people will criticise you for being silent.

maybe you feel superior to others for being such a good person.

maybe you're doing it just for others to like you.

maybe you're doing it because although you don't actually care, you know it's the right thing to do and others admire morality.

or maybe you're just doing it cause you'd feel like a bad person if you didn't.

it's not your fault if you can barely feel empathy or care for the people of gaza, or even if you feel none at all. that doesn't make you a bad person.

but doing your best to help them is the right thing to do, and trust me, doing the right thing benefits you a lot.

i don't care if you groan in your head every time you reblog an awareness post or fundraiser. i don't care if you genuinely couldn't care less and have the urge to just scroll.

do it anyways. do it so you can feel superior to everyone for being a good person. do it so everyone thinks highly of you for being so altruistic and charitable.

it doesn't matter. any reason is a good one to do the right thing.

still don't really feel like it? just imagine what everyone would think in their heads about you if you did.

“… wow, they're reblogging so many posts about palestine. even i don't reblog that many activism posts. such a humanitarian… i really admire people like that.”

“wait. huh? their bio says… they have npd.”

“really? wouldn't they struggle with empathy then? or sympathy, compassion, and guilt?”

“what if… they didn't feel a single ounce of care or emotion for those people…

but still made the choice to help them anyways?”

“caring and feeling bad has always come naturally for me. i mean, i've made the choice to help people when i didn't have to before, but that was only because i felt something.”

“i felt their pain and sadness. i felt awful for them, like i needed to make them feel better.”

“this person didn't have any of those feelings… yet still made the choice to be good.”

“man, that's better than i am.”

“if i didn't have any empathy i'd be such a dick.”

“they put even the most altruistic people to shame — because at the end of the day, they're only being that kind because their feelings drive them to do it.”

“take away all their empathy and those "altruists" would probably all be dicks too.”

“just imagine someone having a disorder that deters them from doing the right thing…”

“but going out of their way to do it anyways”

“meanwhile everyone else naturally does the exact same without trying.”

“it's funny,”

“everyone places feeling empathy on this moral pedestal”

“but will never show empathy towards someone who lacks it.”

“and we don't even know how to be kind without feeling empathy”

“but they do.”

“they have to learn”

“they have to put in effort to be kind.”

“but we don't.”

“they're a better person than any of us.”

“narcissists must be the only truly kind people in this world…”

“i admire that person”

“i'd give them the whole world if i could.”

— 🍋‍🟩🍃

ps

(this applies to every cause of activism, i only specifically talked about palestine since it's such a common example + expressing it vaguely would greatly weaken my message.

any reason that motivates you to be kind and help others is a good one.

i believe all this strongly but unfortunately i could never post this on my blog or actually say this to anyone ever or else the egotypicals will try and hunt me down like the salem witch trials because i guess seeing low empathy people as humans is too woke of a take for them

i love you all please spread kindness and joy)

pps

(( my biggest fear is admin going "i'm not reading allat" one day and straight up just not posting a submission 💀 i'm so sorry man i'm hyperverbal i can't help accidentally writing an essay from trying to convey a singular idea i wanted to say 💔💔💔💔

(( but like i spent actual fucking hours writing this like literally the entire day !!!! /vsrs guys i'm not even getting an english grade for this guys please appreciate this extremely informative and concise and beneficial essay guys please please i'll love you forever and kiss the ground you walk on you would be so awesome and amazing and superior if you interacted with this post because i'm being vulnerable and desperate so it's like giving money to the homeless it's so altruistic and everyone will adore you for it . people in the notes please give praise and gratitude to every single person who interacted with this post ffor going out of their way to be so generous and altruistic 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 ))

(( i'm using my self awareness of npd cognitive distortions to manipulate everyone into being nice to me using the same exact logic i'd use to convince myself i'm always right and i'm always better than everyone ever no matter what ))

(( but guys that's how you know it's actually #true okay i'm using my marketing strategy to advertise how superior it'd make you and i love my title of being superior but i'm actually giving it to you for reblogging since you deserve it for being so nice to me and your kindness makes you better than everyone actually and i love you ))

pps

(( also hey uh admin . when you're adding the id text could you please hide the pps under a cut cause i don't wanna scare away my potential customers with too much unnecessary yapping . the market is quite picky !!! your advertising could be otherwise flawless and they'll still all find some silly reason not to buy like adding too many unnecessary things . tough life out here for a businessman (feminine) ))

(( oh .. oh shit admin i just remembered you write all my id text manually i'm actually so fucking sorry 😭 ))

(( if i realise this has any mistakes after i submit this i'm gonna fucking kill myself bro 💞💞💞💞🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈 /not literal ))

(( btw to those who read all of this i love you so much i will smooch the ground you walk on you're so awesome for being so nice don't let anyone tell you otherwise ))]