#and to be loved is to be changed. ect.
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They call me staple penis on account of. Well
#it's a good thing i don't travel bc tsa would HATE ME LMFAOOO#broader context is i have a stp silicone packer that's become a bit mishapen at the base/lip#where it connects to the body. due to how it sits w my harness (which. is handmade by eyeballing the website pics)#so it may not be ideal. but i am. resourceful 😤#but bc it's misshapen in that way it would be DEVASTINGLY EASY. to make a dire blunder#tbh it is a learning curve and i have been. discouraged. from further attempts.#HOWEVER. one thing about me is that i will use jewelry wire for ANYTHING. but jewerly making in most cases LMFAOO#obvs i can't really show anything but. a little bit of jewerly wire seems to have corrected it!#lining the inside to fit the curve/push it outwards and folding the wire on the outside to hold it in place#placement IS everything here v intentionally picking areas where it wouldn't cause any issues functionally#and the. two slots where the wire folds on the outside. staple penis.#i'm not even bummed about it honestly this is fucking awesome. to me gender is ALL about diy.#and to be loved is to be changed. ect.
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i have been reading through the diary I kept from ages 14-17 and realising how helpful it can be to keep a record of how you're feeling at different moments.
not only is it helpful to write down and process how your feeling and give yourself time to truly think about it, it's nice to have something to look back on. to not just remember how you felt about a certain situation but to actually have yourself from that time tell you.
and also, from an adhd perspective, it's really lovely to have reminders of things I'd almost entirely forgotten. it's easy to think that your life right now isn't interesting, but in 5 years time? to know what songs you were listening to or book you were reading or even that Thing that you were so worried about but now you can't even remember the details. it's nice to have a physical reminder that time passes and things really can get better.
#i think part of whats makes it so special to me is that (like it is for a lot of people) those ages where so *much*#and i was so stuck in my head and socially anxious and i feel like those years of school rly shaped who i am now ect#but id kind of forgotten? its become a blur emotions over time and its nice to see it clearer#but also how i changed? and to read into it and see what i did or didn't write#im also a big fan of the inner child and doing things for your younger self and its a lovely gift to have her speaking to me directly#also if you want to journal i highly recommend doing it in a normal notebook rather than a pre planned one#it gives you the freedom for it to be whatever you want with none of the pressure#recovery#tips
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YOU MAKE ME PERFECT
#forcemasc#force masc#autoandrophilia#general red and white layout inspired by the faster pussycat kill kill poster bc i love it#and youuuuuuuuu know what the rest of this is pulling from haha. felt abt time i did one based on my music taste#also wanted to do something that felt gnarlier than some of my previous ones by making it suggest at surgery far more#bc i <3 surgery. frankenstien my dog ass baby#i tend to focus solely on the man on his journey to loving himself as a man in my edits#or a fight to be seen as a man in a transphobic world and the euphoria that fight can bring when u bloody yr knuckles#and i havent done much w an implied dom/sub forcemasc situation. but this one is much more that my intent is like#frankenstien/surgeon dom and sub begging to be physically changed. 'cut me up and make me a man.'#i really personally enjoy reclaiming 'volation' and 'desecration' of the body in a. hell yes im going to sort of way#if u wanna complain that this is too vague ect ect for forcemasc get a hobby that isnt caring too much abt how strangers online play w jpeg
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#over a month now since my baby boy left me.#genuinely feel sick with how much i miss him all the time everywhere#it feels like its been 15 years and also only half an hour since then#finally got the locket to put some of his fur in so he'll always be with me. which.#made me feel better for approximately 4.2 minutes and then we were back to bottomless endless grief#I miss him and miss him and miss him and miss him and miss him all day every day every second of every minute#his absence is so loud#and i feel so fucking guilty so incredibly fucking at fault its killing me because i should have noticed soon i should have paid more#fucking attention#hes gone and its my fault. my fault my sweet darling angel who only ever loved me is gone#my baby boy deserved so much better#and all i can do is cry about it it doesnt change anything it doesnt make anything better it doesnt bring him back#anyway. i wish I was dead haha#u know the apiel ignore me i just needed to type this out ect and so on#bb baby#txt.me
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Never thought about vampires the way you did with op vamp au thank you so muchfor opening my eyes
im pretty much always using monsters to explore neurodivergence & disability, im fond of vampires because you can always make something new and fun with them!
#op vamp au#vampasks#in my ocs world vampirism is a curse born from the god of nothingness' desire to exist. the paradox messes up ppl pretty bad#and its all about recovering from being emptied. full recovery isn't heard of and it's about learning how to live again with that new#condition. its a recurring theme in my stories and so i took that again with the op au. since my ocs one are more empty/shadow based#i really wanted to have the op one being blood (for me) and will based (cause op is all about will) and thats fun to explore#also i love the concept of mindlink ive never really seen it explore too much so i wanted to try that! and since its about disability and#trauma have it be dissociation/depersonalisation inspired#also dont vibe with the 'this is a metaphor for this' like no. this is inspired by this lets explore that shit. exaggerate here change that#make shit up entirely ect
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well now i want to change my url but all the stackednatural gifs are linked to this one so I should probably finish that first. smh
#personal#sorry i love changing my url changing my url is my boyfriend changing my url is a god changing my url is the breeze in my hair#on the weekend ect
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Myel got two insane guys obsessed over him in the worst possible way and was like wow do i really have to choose. can't i just kiss both
#little man run away!! run away RN#well i would kiss both too btw#i love Myel Klaus et Stellan smmmm... don't ask about their relationship status btw#are they a canon trouple... only god knows#but i NEED to make the most romantic art of them just because. i can!!!!#which is fun because.. Klaus and Stellan hate each other so much and one of their reasons IS their obsession over Myel#but it just can't stop me from drawing them having gay sex#(ofc their relationship will change a lot but uh!! uh... for the better and the worse ig)#oc ramble ect... don't mind it
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”TIME IS A TOOL YOU CAN OUT ON THE WALL-“
AWWGHH DON'T TRY AND PUT ME IN THE SILLY HOUSE IF LULU ISN'T IN THERE I WON'T SURVIVE
#listen. i stand by that you can put me in tha silly house with anyone and I WILL get along with them and they WILL love me#my charisma and autistic charm is unmatched and unable to be contained my brainwaves are so powerful#hanging out with me over extended periods of time WILL change the way you think its why my baby sis is so fucked up#i'm like social radioactive material#HOWEVER#I WOULD PREFER TO BE STUCK IN THE SILLY HOUSE WITH LULU#bear would also be nice. am is. a choice i could go with or without. idk if they would kill me after a certain time irl#we would be 30 loops in and am will bash my head in with a rock ect ect ect we talked about higurashi again or smth ect ect#SODIE would also be nice. but if he messes with me i wouldnt be able to tell... so hmm..#BIF WOULD BE FUNNY TO BE IN THE HOUSE WITH I COULD SUPLEX HER#BUT LULU IS A MUST YOU CAN'T PUT ME IN THERE WITHOUT MY LIL GUY LULU#my postings#puppetsona
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Inspiration Saturday !!
I was tagged by @heartshapedvows thank you sm <3
This is for one of my ghoap fics Night Visions bc although I have less than 200 words written for it my brain literally wont shut up abt it <3
IMPORTANT !!!!! The pic of the Glasgow smile is EFX MAKEUP it is NOT REAL !!!!!
(Song pictured is The Apparition by Sleep Token)
No pressure tag: @ci5mates @freakwiththeknifecollection @northern-borealis @ whoever wants to do it bc I am blanking on my writing buddies rn
#ghostsoap literally own my ass rn#but FR the apparition is THE song of all time for this fic it makes me insane#also in putting this together i have made a major change so thank god i thought of that early in the writing process lol#n e ways <33 thank you sm for the tag renee i love making moodboards ect instead of actually writing <33#inspo saturday#mine#my wip#cod#ghoap#simon riley#soap mactavish#cod mw2#lincoln.txt
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anytime I see someone on twitter say Mafuyu's mom is just a normal parent, or taking the clear manipulative instances and using those as examples of genuine love for Mafuyu... I actually just feel kind of bad because, well, experiences makes things like that seem normal to people...
On top of that, I don't think Mafuyu's mom doesn't have any love Mafuyu... I just don't think she loves Mafuyu as an individual, a person in her own right. Mafuyu's mom cares more about herself, and what she imagines for Mafuyu, and how Mafuyu is in the terms of being an extension of herself.
And once Mafuyu starts to break from that image, from her grasp, her control... well, we saw how she reacted.
#[ ;text ]#project sekai#nightcord#well written abusive parent. i hate her so much#has mafuyu's mom been capable of genuine kindness? yes#we saw that in the mirage event#and things like that are literally why mafuyu still wants to hope her mom is doing all of this out of care for her!!!#she knows her mom is capable of kindness! so then why....?#ect ect ect#that plus like. i've said it before somewhere in regards to Mafuyu but. no child wants to believe their parents isn't thinking of them#isn't doing things for their good#no child wants to believe their parent doesn't truly care about THEM but instead an imagined image of them#mafuyu wants her mom to understand... she wants to believe it's possible... she loves her mother. but.#I don't think... Mafuyu's mom will ever be willing to understand#it has been shown. even when mafuyu was a little girl. ...she has always been like this#even if mafuyu didn't see it / didn't want to see it and believed herself to be entirely to blame#I don't think she's going to change.
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#my grandpa is going to fucking kill himself#he is lucky he didn't die#apparently he got into a car accident didn't go to the doctor and spent a month in bed#and then didn't let my grandma tell anything to anyone#she is just as bad ahe just keeps everyone in the dark about everything#her apparently going through chemo ect#she probably had some part in her mother's death#bc she injured badly her leg at 92 fucking years old and she kept her from getting help#to tje point of not being able to get stitches and eventually die bc of some other complications that this took part in#not to mention that she didn't tell her that her favorite son fucking died#my f*ther has some bad memory issues and refuses to get it checked#if i get this old I'm just killing myself it's not worth it#nit for me or my loved ones#i won't let myself get this bad#don't get me wrong i used to look up to my grandpa#but going of the rode bc a fucking truck was generating too much dust#he also refuses to talk to my dad for some reason#i won't let myself get this fucking bad#if i manage to reach 60 i will make sure to not reach more than that#my bloodline is fucking curse and it's all genetic nothing i can do will change it
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Had. An extremely funny vision to revamp Moe's staff.
The design isn't super final, I can never really decide how I want the accents to look... trying to keep them in line with how the Askr trio's weapons look. Especially the signature color magic glow that's present in their special arts!!!
Anna has it too!!!!! You just don't see it bc her art gets cut off in game. Also, additional image bc you don't see the handle v well in her special.
Which is why, here, the green gem is most prominent on Moe's weapon.... geen....... idk if I'm keeping the other ones that look like the summoning circle orbs. It was just something I wanted to try out!
BUT. BUT. The Main Idea here is that Moe added its own touch to the staff. Yeah, the dangly halo was a Neat idea, but this concept is just so much funnier to me..... says SO much about Moe as a character... it is ALWAYS. Making and customizing things. I can also see Moe using the carabiner practically as well! Now, I wonder why it held onto those two feathers in particular... 🤔
#moe tag#actually if i canonize the idea that those are hero feathers from alfonse and sharena that's gonna fuck up the timeline.#like i'm gonna have to invent Lore. about it. but the two dangly spinny twirly feathers were ALWAYS a part of moe's Concept#like before it got simplified for ease of drawing moe had a dangly feather earring along the staff decorations#IDK IDK I'M WAY TOO METICULOUS. if i just draw two feathers please forgive me. i LOVE LORE#AND I LOVE. WHEN CHARAS ARE SENTIMENTAL. IN SILLY WAYS. GET ATTACHED TO EVERYTHING ‼️‼️‼️‼️#but like. sometimes it Is just for The Look of it.... i'm so sorry#ANY WHICH WAY. as i was drawing i had a strong vision. of changing up the halo to be something else#a dangly handmade charm. then i had the REALLY striking idea of making it a dreamcatcher. the FORESHADOWING.#and the Theming. of complex relationship w spirituality. but. i... ended up thinking better of it tbh.#like. asking myself okay how do i be respectful and honor this. then realizing hm.#maybe the only way to be respectful of this is to Not Do That. like. just feels in poor taste as a white guy no matter what.#but it DID get me Thinking. about what moe Likes to make anyway. what are the things that are significant to It.#AND THE. THE VISION. if anything it's appropriating butches here its ass is NOT BUTCH.#but no harm no foul. slap some more punk ass trinkets to that thang!!!!!! the practical use ALSO GETS ME THOUGH#like. moe IS practical. it likes its diys to be functional as well as fun. ect ect!!!!!#fe anna#HONESTLY. what if i only tagged her just to not clog up the tags and also that art is a good ref for later#just might.#summoner oc#my art#moe ref
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new boy toy on the brain…………..
#all the names are placeholders I can’t think of any better ones right now ajjsjxjxjc#this is my first time in a while writing a charismatic character so I’m like >:3#(at least in terms of ocs lol)#his defining characteristics is that he loves vice#(and also that he is DESPERATE for love but doesn’t understand himself well enough to admit it)#nouveau riche lightweight champion constantly encouraging Dionysian pleasure binges#he loves to indulge other people because barely anything brings him pleasure anymore#you like gambling? drinking? driving fast? eating too much sugar? he’s excited to let you have it. just say the word <3#this is very very slow burn romance#the love intrests are very broken people#it takes a hot sec for them to come around to it#mostly it’s about loss of identity and finding a place in a rapidly changing world#where do you go when home no longer exists#ect ect.
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Ik ik the whole point of me making a nbc Hannibal s/i is so they can be murder husbands together all three of them but tbh look how pretty Cassian could be is he was she 🥹
#it’s not transphobic bc he is me and I have these thoughts abt myself all the time and vine with them so it’s cool it’s cool#obvi I’m not going to make a decision bc it’s going to be a lot of work changing my tags ect ect#but I just wanted to come here to say FaceApp is a curse. but I love it so much😭😭#muddi thoughts#also. bruh. vibe** not vine#like knowing the backstory for this character wouldn’t change bc the story is what matters like the guy just happens to be trans you feel me#that’s not what I was originally going to say but had to write it down b4 I forgot#no I was going to say knowing the backstory for this story makes these pictures give Ethel Cain ptolomaea yk yk#Cassian Medvedov#my ocs#oc talk
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#but the sad thing is#i am not funny or interesting or intelligent or kind enough for my family to truly love me#i have spent 3 decades being told that if i just changed monumental parts of myself id be easier#to love to care about to like to deal with ect#honestly idk if in truly aro or if im too scared to even try bc ive been told its basically impossible to love me at a close distance#but my family asks and asks and asks for me to give to them#to forgive and contort myself and change so i can make their lives easier#im tired of being a punching bag#im tited of my brother telling me im the root of all his problems and how its my job to be his political and social compass#*tired
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🦋
#OH MY GOOOOOD#was just presented w the argument of JKR stole the shitty wizard book idea so ACTUALLY it isnt hers.#&i just... WHO THE FUCK CARES.#supporting her shitty series that is most def hers at this point regardless of conspiracy theory&is most def at its core total shit#puts money in her pocket. it brings fame to her door. it gives her continued relevance.#honestly the only thing some NEW excuse not to have to drop all her shit bc she stole it i guess just seems... ridiculous lmao.#absolutely absurd. totally bonkers.#just admit youre a fucking whining little baby&you dont want to give up your stupid shitty series regardless of what that means.#it truly is this simple i assure you.#living your life wanting everyone to like you while being a spineless sniveling gremlin of a person in the face of truths like these#will just make a person miserable lmao.#sometimes ppl hate you. sometimes its for things you can change but choose not to. life truly is occassionally as simple as cause&effect.#... anyway i was mean to someone for telling me something stupid to make themselves feel better. &now i feel better instead bc im a bitch.#:')♡#peace&love on planet earth ect ect.
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