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evilgaygothgf · 2 years ago

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I Know What I Said

Quackity x reader (any pronouns)

Please send in requests!! I’m aching in my bones for things to write please please please

“I’m not looking for anything right now.”

The words repeated in your mind day and night, gripping and tugging at your heart. You’ve wanted to admit your feeling to Alex for the past few months after coming to terms that they wouldn’t just go away on their own. You’ve know him for over a year now, and the feelings only keep growing stronger. “The worst he can say is no,” is what your friends kept telling you, but he’s already said the worst thing in your opinion.

“I’m not looking for anything right now.”

You thought you’d bring up the topic of dating in general to him and try to gauge his feelings before admitting your own first. Kind of just beat around the bush. You thought maybe he’d just come out and admit he had a crush on you and then you could easily slip in how you felt about him too. Or maybe he’d pull the old “well my friend has a crush on their close friend they’ve known for a while but he just doesn’t know how to confess without ruining their friendship” and you could respond with “well he’ll never know unless he confesses, right?” and then he’d confess his feelings and turn out to be the “friend” who wanted to confess the whole time. Just like in movies and fanfics, right? Right? Wrong.

When you brought up the topic he went into a full rundown of how he just doesn’t see himself dating anyone anytime soon because he’s just so busy with his career right now and blah blah blah. As soon as he started talking you had just tuned it all out. His voice was drowned out by the voice in your head telling you to pull it together and choke down the icky feeling in your chest. The unrequited feeling. The only part of his entire response you heard loud and clear was the part you keep hearing play over and over in your head.

“I’m not looking for anything right now.”

Well shit. What do you do now? Respond with a chuckle and a “haha yeah me either”? Cut him off and tell him that he’s wrong and that you’re what he should be looking for? Admit your feeling regardless? Your thoughts were cut off by him asking you the question right back. “Sorry I feel like I really went on for a while. I didn’t mean to unload all that on you. Anyway, what’s your opinion on dating stuff?”

He asked the question so simply like he had no idea why you had asked him in the first place. “Umm,” you started, “well I mean yeah I guess I can see where you’re coming from. I guess I’d feel the same way if I was in your shoes. I don’t know. I guess for me dating is just like something I’m ready for now in my life. Im kind of tired of being single honestly, but hey, you know at least I’ve got you around, right?”

Alex grinned at the end of your last sentence. “Yeah, of course! I’ll always be here as your best friend so you don’t have to feel like a loner,” he chuckled. “But hey, you know if you’re trying to look for someone I’ll be the best wingman to ever walk this earth. And if anyone starts giving you shit or mistreating you, send em to me.” He turned from you and started throwing punches at the air and you couldn’t help but throw your head back in laughter. Alex was such an amazing friend to you and you started to wonder if wanting him as more than a friend was too much to ask in the first place. You were already lucky enough to have him care for you on a friendship level. The words still plagued your mind regardless.

“I’m not looking for anything right now.”

It’s been over a month since that happened and you continued to hang out with Alex like normal. You tried so hard to push your feelings for him down and appreciate the friend you had in him. The two of you had been hanging out all day and at the end of the night, he offered to drive you back home. The car ride to your place was more quiet than usual; void of loud music and laughter. It had been a long and eventful day and you were both exhausted from all you had done that day.

Alex pulled the car up to the front of your place and you reached to the floorboard of the car to grab your things and tell him goodnight before getting out. Before you could unbuckle your seatbelt, Alex’s voice broke the silence.

“Hey. I just…can I tell you something?”

“Uh yeah sure,” you responded as you placed your hands back in your lap and turned your body to better face him in the car.

He looked down from your face to his cup from the fast food restaurant you both ate at earlier as he played with the straw. “I lied. I lied to you and I’m sorry.”

You were too confused to respond as your mind raked through all of the things he could’ve possibly lied to you about.

He started up again, “I know I..well when we talked before…fuck like I didn’t mean to really say-“

“Alex spit it out. You’re making me nervous,” you said in a half speaking and half laughing voice trying to cover up the waver in your voice. Your fingers were already toying with each other as you tried to ease your nerves for whatever was to come.

“y/n I know this is gonna be awkward and I’m so sorry but I should’ve said it then and I’ve been making myself sick trying to think of a time to tell you this.” He brushed the pieces of hair back that were falling over his eyes as he finally looked back up to you. “I know I told you before that I wasn’t really looking for anything but the truth is that I’ve actually been falling for you. So hard. And before you interrupt and ask me why I said what I did, shit, I don’t know. I just..I just freaked out because I wasn’t expecting you to just ask me that out of nowhere.”

“Alex, Im sorry I didn’t mean to-“

“No please don’t apologize I should’ve just owned up to it and told you then because I really and I mean really wish I had. It’s been gnawing at me so bad that I didn’t take the opportunity to tell you. You honestly make me kinda nervous ever since I realized I wanted something more than friends with you.” His eyes dropped from yours again and went back to playing with the plastic straw.

“I make you nervous?” You could help but grin as you said it. You couldn’t believe he actually admitted to being nervous around you.

“Yeah yeah yeah go ahead and make fun of me, whatever, I knew I should’ve left that part out,” he scoffed as he rolled his eyes and sat back into his seat.

“No I’m glad you told me. I think it’s cute.”

“Oh so you think I’m cute?” He sat up straighter in his chair and smirked. “So you like me?”

You rolled your eyes at his sudden comeback in confidence after all the nervous toying with his straw he was just doing moments ago. He always ate up any little compliment you’d given him and you hated to admit you loved it.

“Yeah honestly I’ve had feelings for you for a while, and if you must know, I was actually trying to confess to you back when I asked your opinions on dating but wouldn’t you know, someone cough cough shut me down before I could. Mr. I’m not looking for anything right now.” You said the last part with finger quotes as you playfully rubbed what he said into his face.

He reached up and lightly smacked your finger quotes out of the air while trying to make an obviously forced angry face. “You should’ve just said it anyway. We could’ve been going on a date today and not just hanging out as friends. And then I could’ve kissed you goodnight when I dropped you off,” he wiggled his eyebrows as he said the last sentence.

Your face already started heating up. You knew exactly how a lot of your days spent together could’ve gone if you two had already been dating by this point. You practically thought about it every time you hung out together and every time you laid your head down on your pillow at night.

This time, you were the one to break the silence. “I mean, we still could,” you said quietly in the darkness of his car. “Only if you want to I mean I know we both just now told each other how we feel but I’m okay with-“

Your rambling was cut off with his lips shutting you up. It was just a peck, but as he pulled his head away you instinctively reached up to pull him back in. It was just a series of small closed-mouth kisses, but it was more than you could’ve imagined receiving from him just 15 minutes ago.

You pulled away from the kiss but kept your face close to his as your eyes scanned his. “I can’t believe you lied to me,” you whispered through a smile in the darkness.

“I’ll make it up to you, baby, don’t worry,” he whispered back as he closed the distance between the two of you again.

#quackity #alex quackity #qsmp quackity #qsmp #quackity x reader #quackity imagine #quackity scenario #quackity blurb #quackity fanfic #quackity x you #quackity x y/n #mcyt #mcyt fanfiction #mcyt x y/n #mcyt imagine #mcyt x reader #mcyt scenarios #mcyt fandom

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ameliawarnerr · 1 year ago

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POV: MC is drunk at Aurora and she texts Jake.

One-shot (but with two parts. Two-shot? Maybe I'm drunk)

Part-1

Background story: When Jake could finally get free of the dark-web world, it was too late. MC told him that she'd moved on and it was best for both of them. But she confuses Jake again, texting him after she gets wasted. And Jake is confused and not at all happy about her recklessness.

—Jake—

I stare at the screen, eyebrows creased in confusion. My mind is debating if her phone got hacked or it's with the likes of Dan. But then I reread the message, using more of my intellect and pausing the emotions at war.

MC: IM AT AURORAA AND IF U DONT COMW AND GET ME I WILL SLEEP WITJ THE 1ST GUY I SEE!

MC: bringg moneyyy some bitcj stole mine

No, it's definitely her. There's no debate about that. I barely pay any attention to the second message. My mind is still stuck on the first one. It's really unsettling. Despite how I've been upset with her, hardly seen or talked to her the past few weeks, still I want to get there as fast as I can. I cannot bear the image of the otherwise scenario.

My emotions resume the war. I've never understood her entirely before but this is simply beyond my understanding. She went into heavy details explaining to me how she has gotten over me while I was away and how my barging into her life again isn't good for either of us. While I was on the run, making a new identity for myself, cutting ties with anyone who could pull me back into that long stretch of ruin I've been living in, I considered many outcomes. This is one of the more unlikely ones. Or maybe I didn't want to think about it so I didn't consider it fairly.

She was already having a hard time telling me all the reasons I didn't want to hear, so I left. Ever since then, I've stayed at Lilly's place and it's a relief that her friends usually hang out at Cleo’s or Jessica’s. I haven't seen her or talked to her since then but I couldn't help asking Lilly how MC was doing every once in a while. Lilly would always tell me that MC felt like a different person and that I should talk to her. I refused. I simply couldn't bring myself to.

I can't understand if she doesn't want me anymore then why am I the one she's texting when she's wasted at a bar. I guess I’d have to wait until she's sober. I feel a ting of hope and my mind calling me an idiot.

I stop my car in front of Aurora’s front door. Usually, people are entering and exiting at every hour but as the street gets darkened, no one is seen around. Of course, it's 2 am. Why would anyone be here at 2 am when only a month ago a girl was abducted and another was found dead? And obviously, that anyone has to be MC.

Sometimes her recklessness throws me over to the edge.

I rush inside. All lights are shut down, only two of them shine at the counter. One male waiter cleans up the leftovers on the tables while another walks to the kitchen, loosening the knot on his apron. At the counter, MC is seated on one of the high stools, her head resting on the counter while her hands move above her head as she's explaining or complaining about something to…well, to the bar owner. Phil Hawkins.

He's bent over to the counter, his arms set on the counter as he's nodding while grinning. His eyes fly to me as I near them. I notice that her phone is left unlocked on the counter with our chat opened so Phil isn't surprised to see me here. I have only met him once and let's say that didn't change my dislike for him.

“We’ve only met once. And it feels like I've known you for years.” He says, straightening.

I raise my eyebrow at him. “I don't return the sentiment.”

Then as I stride to the counter, beside MC, I understand what he meant.

MC is wasted, talking about me while being totally oblivious of my presence. “And I told him, Phil. I told him. You know what I said?” Her hands are moving vaguely, her voice is uneven, getting high randomly. It's sort of cute. “I said,” Her voice becomes a bit stable as she tries to deepen it. “I will know your identity soon.”

I can't believe she's with a… decent looking guy, somewhat and she's still talking about me. I don't know how to feel about that. But I guess this just reminds me of what we could've had, could've been.

“And you know what he told me then? I remember it as clear as the day as we speak.” She moves her hand hysterically. I bite back a laugh and I look at Phil doing the same.

Then, he says, “What? What did he say to you?”

I would not be a part of this if I didn't want to hear her complaining about me. It's surprisingly funny and adorable. I don't use words like ‘adorable’ to describe anything else. I think I can't anymore– she's set the bar too high.

She clears her throat, raising her head slightly, pointing a finger straight at the wall. “You can't. I am the hacker everyone's after. I'm unbeatable.” She pretends to be me, making her voice rough and deep but fails adorably. I couldn't help it anymore– I broke into a grin.

I decided to intervene. “I certainly didn't say anything of that sort.”

Her pointed finger freezes at my voice. She slowly turns her head towards me as I try not to smile. But as soon as my eyes meet her, there's an effortless smile on my mouth before I can even begin controlling it. She stares at me for a moment. Her hair is a little messy, eyes squinting at me. Then she brings her hands to her mouth. “Oh my god, Phil, I summoned him.”

I take a step forward. “Yes, you did.” I take another step forward, sliding into the stool next to her as I sweep her phone from the counter. I hold it up for her to see. “By texting me. With an awful amount of typos.”

She snatches her phone from my head. “That wasn't me. It might be the owner of the bar– Phil.” She blames as if she doesn't see him standing two feet away from the counter. “But anyways.” She puts her phone on the counter. “You look too hot to be sent back now.” She places a hand on my chest.

Phil coughs. “Alright. That's my cue to leave.”

MC’s gaze follows his figure as he leaves. Then, she leans towards me and whispers, “You know, although it was true but I just said that so he'd leave.”

I lean forward and whisper back, “Excellent plan. Next time, include me as well.”

She nods several times. “For sure.”

“Are you ready to leave?” I ask her.

“Did you bring the money?” She questions.

“Depends. How much do you need?” I place my elbow on the counter, supporting my head as I look at her panicking.

“Well, w-well. It's about 300$.” She scratches her neck. And this time I am the one panicking. Not because of the money, of course, but because—

“You drank 300$ worth of alcohol?”

She blinks. “No. I broke three bottles. Phil told me he'd go easy on me so I have to pay for just two of them.” She shows two fingers, smiling.

I try to look stoic. I look at her finger with the same grim expression and she lowers them awkwardly. I straighten, removing my elbow from the counter. I clear my throat, lowering my head, trying not to show her my smile.

I return my gaze to her. She asks, hopefully, “So do you have 300$?”

I do. But I put my lips into a thin line, shaking my head as she frowns. “I don't have the money. But you know what? I have nothing to worry about since you're one who needs to pay.” I return my elbow on the counter. “All I'm saying is that it's not my problem.”

Her mouth slightly opens and closes. She looks around, fidgeting a little. Then, she looks back at me. “So, you are going to leave?” Her voice is small and I almost give in.

I shrug. “I can leave and come back with the money.” I offer and notice the immediate refusal on her face. “Do you want me to come back with the money?”

She looks down, at her hands. “Don’t do that.”

It takes me a moment to recover from the vulnerability in her voice. I realise as cute as she looks right now, but I still don't want her to be in his state when someone trusted isn't around her, someone who can protect her. That's when I promise to lecture her about this once she's sober. I don't care if we haven't spoken for weeks or where we stand right now.

But right now, I'm calm, knowing she texted me and that I am here with her.

“Why?” I ask. “Weren’t you planning to sleep with the first guy you see here? Once I'm gone, you could do that.” I do my best not to process my own words.

She's still looking at her hands. “No, I only said that so that you'll come and get me. But it's fine if you don't want to pay for me. You can leave—”

The last word stretches as I pull her stool closer to mine. Her legs stumble together between mine. Her head turns upwards as her eyes dart to different parts of my face.

“You think I'm going to leave you here? I am here to get you and I would've come even if you hadn't sent me that threat of a message. Even if you had sent me a made-up word or merely just one letter or just my name, I would've come for you.” I affirm here, speaking very softly but ensuring my words hold the right heaviness for her to believe.

“Even if you didn't know where I was?” She asks.

“Even if I didn't know where you were. I'd find you.” I answer.

“Even if I make you pay a huge debt and ignore you the next day?”

“I’d be hurt if you ignored me. I don't care about the money.”

“Even if I hurt you?”

I hesitate. “Doesn’t matter. I'll get over it.”

“And even if I make terrible jokes?”

“Especially when you make jokes. Terrible or not.”

She eases into a smile. I raise both my hands, fixing her hair with a smile. At last, I rested them on her shoulder. “Let’s go?”

She nods. I nod back. “Just so you know, I’m not saying anything right now because you're too drunk to remember but once you get sober, I'm giving you a lecture about this stupid thing you did.” I can't help but to think what if I didn't see the message, or she couldn't find her phone. I don't particularly like Phil after tonight but what if he wasn't here or she had gone to some other place.

“Good luck to her.” She says. And I laugh out loud, grabbing her phone and shoving it in my pocket. I put the money on the counter and turn to her. “Are you cold?” I ask her as I stand.

“Cold? No. I'm extremely hot and a warm person. You were cold when we first talked.” She points a finger at me, accusingly as she tries to stand.

“I’m sorry. Forgive me. If it makes you feel any better, I don't know who that person was anymore.” I put a hand around her waist as she leans into me. We walk towards the exit.

“Really?” She asks, looking at me.

“Really. He was so reserved and guarded.” I say, matching her accusing tone.

“I know, right? He would ask me about all my findings on the case and wouldn't tell me anything he'd do all day.” She threw her hand, expressing her annoyance.

I grin. “Really? He did that to you? That's so unfair. If I were you, I would never work with him.” We reach the door. I hold her with one hand as I opened the door.

“Well, I wouldn't do that.” She says, unsure.

“Why not?” I ask as we walk towards my car. It's been a long time since I've talked to her. I can't stop myself. I don't want to waste any second being silent. Turns out, I really don't know who I was before I met her.

“Well, he would say ‘good job, MC’. I liked that.” She says, mimicking me.

We reach the door to the passengers' seat. I hold it open for her as she stumbles onto the seat. She wriggles a little until she's comfortable. “Finally.” She eases back into the seat. Then, she looks at me. “I knew texting you was the right thing to do.”

“Good job, MC.”

She stares, processes, then she blushes. I close the door, smiling in an idiotic manner. When I enter the car, she removes her shoes. She sits comfortably putting her leg on the seat, looking at me, expectantly.

“You want something from me?”

“Say that again.”

—To be continued—

Part 2

#jake duskwood #duskwood #writing #duskwood fandom #duskwood fanfic #duskwood fanfiction #jake_duskwood #jake x mc #duskwood jake x mc #dan duskwood #jessy_duskwood #phil duskwood #duskwood phil #mc x jake #jake x reader #jake

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clangenrising · 1 year ago

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Month 10 - Leafbare

Sagetooth sat in her nest, curled tightly around herself to warm her freezing paws. The previous day had come with even more snow which had made searching for horsetail out of the question. Even the border patrols had been cut to a bare minimum to prevent anyone else from getting frostbitten. Today the snow had stopped falling but its remnants still laid thickly over the ground and her expedition had proved fruitless. Now, she waited for her body to warm up enough so that she could head back out again.

Yarrowshade had barely left the Healers’ den since he and Nightfrost had come in together. He helped Nightfrost plan patrols and delivered them to the rest of the Clan, he went hunting once or twice and did his assigned border shifts, but aside from that he spent every moment with Nightfrost. They slept next to each other, they shared tongues, they talked about Barleypaw’s training and the truce with EarthClan and other things.

Sagetooth had tried to tamp down her annoyance at their inane conversations. As much as she had no interest in love, she knew how important it was to other cats and she knew that Nightfrost’s situation was precarious. It was better that she focus on finding the proper medicine than on getting upset that a patient had someone who loved her. At least Branchbark had received a clean bill of health. If one more cat was stuck inside the den with her, she thought she might burst.

Outside the den, the world was a blinding white void under the noonday sun, all sound muffled by the snow blanketing the camp. Still, the sound of young voices chattering reached her ears and shortly enough, Oddstripe and his kits filtered into the den. Sagetooth sighed.

“Yarrowshade!” Barleypaw cried, rushing to her mentor’s side to snuggle up against him.

He laughed and lifted an arm to welcome her, opening one eye from his nap. “Hey, kiddo! I missed you!”

“Me too,” she nodded, burying her face in his fur contentedly.

Sparrowpaw and Floodpaw were bickering about something. “You’d be lost before you even found him,” Sparrowpaw frowned.

Floodpaw lifted his head and said, “Nuh-uh, I’d find him and choke him with his own collar.”

“You would not!” cried Sparrowpaw, seeming to get genuinely upset.

“Boys! Boys!” Oddstripe placated, “Nobody is going to the city to fight Razor. Can we please stop fighting?”

“I’m not fighting,” Floodpaw insisted, “he’s the one getting mad.”

“‘Cause you’re being a beebrain!” Sparrowpaw shouted through gritted teeth.

“Quiet!” Sagetooth snapped, “Both of you.” And the two apprentices fell silent, ducking their heads in shame.

Oddstripe offered her an apologetic wince. “Sorry, Sagetooth.”

“Did you find any horsetail?” she asked, dismissing the apology with a flick of her ear.

“No,” Oddstripe sighed. “I can go out again in a bit.” He stepped deeper into the den, then paused to cough.

“Dammit, Oddstripe,” Sagetooth growled, “are you sick?”

“What?” He looked up at her. “No, no, my throat is just dry.” He coughed again, trying to hide his muzzle in his shoulder.

“I’ll get you some water, Papa!” Sparrowpaw offered and bolted out of the den.

“It’s all gonna be frozen, you moron!” Floodpaw called as he followed after his brother.

“Sit down,” Sagetooth ordered. Oddstripe complied. Holding her breath, Sagetooth leaned in to press her ear against his chest. Oddstripe, who knew the procedure, waited for her to get into place and then took a deep slow breath, but it collapsed into coughs before he could finish filling his lungs.

“You are sick!” Sagetooth lashed her tail. “Get in your nest right now, young man. And make sure your fool kits give you a wide berth.” Oddstripe crept to his nest, ears hanging low.

“I’m sorry, Sagetooth,” he managed.

“Don’t be sorry,” she said, “be better. I’m going to go looking for horsetail again. Treat yourself with catmint and stay away from Nightfrost. You don’t want her getting whitecough on top of frostbite.” Oddstripe nodded obediently.

“Is Papa gonna be okay?” Barleypaw asked, her voice timid.

“He’ll be fine if he stays in bed and gets his rest,” Sagetooth sighed, trying to be gentle. She did like Barleypaw.

“I’ll be fine, sweetheart,” Oddstripe reassured her and he was right. They had plenty of herbs to treat a cough and he had enough knowledge to treat himself and keep an eye on his symptoms. Nightfrost however… Sagetooth looked at the deputy and frowned. Her paws were wrapped with clean cobwebs and she was warm inside the den but… infection was just too likely, especially with their lack of useful stock. Nightfrost met her gaze and offered her a tight lipped smile in return. She understood exactly what Sagetooth had been thinking.

“I’ll be back soon with the horsetail,” the Healer said and then tromped into the snow before anyone could contradict her. She squinted harshly against the snow glare, mumbling curses under her breath. She would find the damned horsetail or, so help her StarClan, she would burn the entire forest down through sheer irritation.

~~~

When she returned, she was cursing herself. Finding a certain plant through thick snow was harder than she had thought and, even when searching the places that she knew horsetail grew, it was tedious and tricky to push through the snow and uncover any of it. She hadn’t been able to find any useful horsetail at all.

And what was worse, her paws were numb. She had tried to be careful and quick but her route had been a bit farther than she had anticipated and, by the time she had made it back to camp, she knew her paws were frostbitten. The damage was much less severe than Nightfrost had suffered but it was still a foolish mistake that was going to have serious consequences.

With Oddstripe on bed rest, this meant that no one would be able to treat wounds for a while. Especially if Nightfrost’s paws became infected, Sagetooth would not be able to touch them at all or else she might catch the infection. This was bad and she was furious with herself for making such a sloppy mistake.

As she entered the camp, she shouted, “Branchbark!” and the young warrior quickly scrambled out of the warriors’ den.

“Yes?” he asked dutifully. Sagetooth nearly sighed in relief. Nearly.

“I need you to go hunting for horsetail tomorrow. This is urgent, do you understand me?”

He nodded, a bit dumbstruck. “Yes, Sagetooth. I understand.”

“Good,” she huffed. “And don’t you dare come back with frostbite.” With that she turned and stomped into her den to warm her paws. Inside, Yarrowshade was asleep against Nightfrost’s side, but the deputy was awake and locked eyes with her. Sagetooth huffed again and looked away, unable to hold her patient’s gaze. She hoped that there would be time for Nightfrost to forgive her for her callousness.

UPDATES: - Branchbark recovers from whitecough - Oddstripe comes down with greencough - Sagetooth returns from herb gathering with frostbite. - RisingClan does not have enough healthy healers!

#clan gen #clangen #warrior cats #warriors #warrior cats oc #warriors oc #clangen oc #clan gen oc #Sagetooth #Yarrowshade #Nightfrost #Oddstripe #Branchbark #clangenrising #Barleybee #Floodstrike #Sparrowsway

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my-castles-crumbling · 4 months ago

Note

Hey Cas, Leo Anon.

I have successfully blown up my life since the last ask I sent you, so before you read this entire thing and call me a dick, just know… I know.

It turns out Leo does still have a crush on me. And I still have a crush on him (it’s one of those annoying crushes that hasn’t just gone away after a month. Or a year. Or two).

He told me he still had a crush to explain his reaction and apologised. I then admitted I still have a crush on him.

And that’s where it all went downhill.

Leo got accepted into his dream university, and told us a few months ago under no certain terms would he dream of delaying going.

So when he said “I could go with you and Benjamin in the gap year” I panicked. (Benny’s my best mate btw, he’s obsessed with the Harry Potter dudes and has been complaining non stop about not having the time to enter your conan fest? Which is true he’s super busy- but he’s excited to read the fics i think cause he’s loves conan gray. Ngl I know nothing abt the Harry Potter fandom, hope that’s chill. He’s how I found this blog actually- and you’re really kind to take the time to read about how i’ve ruined my life).

Back to the plot. Leo said what he said and I freaked, I didn’t want him coming with us and then resenting me later for him missing uni.

I told him that’d interfere with me and Benny’s plans to hook up with a bunch of people.

He got really quiet and sounded really sad as he said he had to go.

We didn’t have plans to hook up with people. I panicked and lied…

Oh and gets worse. Word got back to Benny’s girl (they’re not technically dating yet but they are) who’s going to a dif country after the summer for skl, and so we were gonna delay our trip where she is so Benny and her could hang.

But she heard what I told Leo abt hooking up and was mad. So I had to do some damage control.

I met up with her and told her only I was hooking up with people, I just didn’t want to hurt Leo’s feelings any more than I had.

She accepted that and her and Benny are chill but word got back to Leo and now he hates me.

He thinks I lied and I wanted to spend the whole time hooking up with people and he’s never meant anything to me and I don’t care about people.

If we’re being honest, I wasn’t going to hook up anyone on this trip. I hate hooking you with people.

Benny said he thinks i’m on the ace spectrum (demi something he said, like the singer idk?)

It was chill with my first gf, but my ex bf pressured me into it since i’d “already lost my virginity so what?” and then I hooked up with like one other person before deciding it wasn’t really for me.

But I had a rep by then somehow and everyone thought I was some play boy.

I figured my mates knew that wasn’t true but turns out they all believed the rumours too.

Point is, Leo thinks he’s “just another on of my hookups” when the most we’ve ever done is make out and I felt more then than anything else i’ve ever done.

This is stupid. I shouldn’t bother you with my dumb problems. Sorry.

I know I ought to apologise and come clean and stuff but, maybe it’s better if I just leave the friendship fucked up, that way he won’t sacrifice anything for me and I can fuck around the world being cultural and shit. He can do better anyway.

Hi!

Alright, you need to communicate with him!

You can't lie to make someone else's decisions for them! That's not cool! Look at where it's gotten you!

Please, sit Leo down and tell him everything- including that you don't want him to give up Uni for you. But remember that's his decision. If you like him and maybe want to be in a relationship with him, you need to respect his wants and needs, don't decide for him. Talk together about what's best <3

You're not a bad person, I know you were trying to help him. But the best thing to do is talk about it.

Tell Benny I say hi, and he should come try the fest!

#ask #asks #ask cas #leo anon

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dbnightingale24 · 2 years ago

Text

A Dream Worth Chasing

Sneak Peek

Laurie’s P.O.V.

“Andy, can you stop packing for five fucking minutes?!” I sob as he continues to load his clothes into his duffle bag.

“Laurie, I’ve told you multiple times that I’m done, and you won’t fucking hear it. I don’t know what else to do,” he shrugs, a look of pure indifference on his face.

“Andy-”

“You’re the one that cheated. Without saying it out loud, you decided that you don’t want this anymore. You don’t want us. So, I’m moving on. I’ve moved on!”

“Andy, no. You think you’ve moved on, but you’re just-”

“Laurie, I don’t love you. I have no desire to work this out, and I never will again. Please, just let it go and sign the goddamn papers!”

“You just need time,” I sob as he throws up his hands and scowls.

That’s what he used to say to me all the time, and it always worked like a charm; he could always bring me back. However, now? It seems like a lie. I’ve been using the same line for practically a year, and for what? The more I say it, the less he wants me.

Maybe that’s difference. He was fighting for someone who he truly loved, and somewhere deep inside, I loved him back. Now? I’ve pushed him away so much that he truly is finished with all of this, but now I finally wanna come back.

I finally see what’s worth fighting for.

“Where are you even living now?”

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m gone for good, and you need to sign the damn papers.”

“You don’t need to be so cold!”

“That seems to be the only way that you’ll respond,” he huffs before closing his bag. “Laurie, at one point, we were lovers and best friends. We have Jacob. I don’t want this to get ugly, so please don’t let it get to that point. He’s moving out, we both know he’s gonna propose to Sarah sooner or later, and you and I both know that we’ve run our course. You can have the house, the cars, you can paint me as the bad guy. I truly don’t care. Please, just let me go.”

“Andy, please, lets just go away-”

“I don’t want to go away!” he finally snaps, causing me to jump just a bit.

Hes never been this way with me.

“Laurie,” he sighs dropping his bag, clearly frustrated and worn out “don’t make me be this guy. The angry husband who has to be an asshole. I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to upset you, and I don’t want either of us to hate each other. After all is said and done, I still want us to at least be able to have some sort of healthy relationship. It doesn’t have to be something fueled by hate and anger, it can be amicable. I don’t hate you, Laurie, I just don’t love you anymore,” he sighs before picking up his bag. “Think about it, I’ll see you in a few days.”

As he walks away I can’t help but think back to college. Was this all my fault? He never pursued me, I always wanted him.

He never looked for me, I always looked for him.

“You came!” I beamed as the handsome brunette came walking into my dorm room.

“You made it sound like I’d be missing out on something big if I show up,” he chuckled with a bright smile.

I’d been daydreaming about the smile since I first saw it two weeks ago in the campus library.

“You didn’t bring anyone?” I asked, hopeful that I wasn’t about to make myself look like a complete fool.

“No one to bring. I spend most of my time studying or working. That’s why I decided maybe it would be nice to go to a party. Thanks for invitin’ me.”

“Thanks for showing up,” I replied, and I could tell my cheeks were burning red.

From that day on, I looked for him, I waited for him, and I tried to come up with any reason to talk to him, until he finally asked me out. At first, it was exciting and I was enamored with you. Then, after about five months, I started to get lazy and he took notice. It’s not even that I stopped loving him, but I realized I wanted to be young and experience college as a single woman. Neither of us said a thing about it, but I could tell he knew and that I’d hurt him.

Then I started seeing him hanging around with some girl and it made my blood boil.

He was mine.

So, I showed up at his dorm one day and when he opened the door, I practically pounced on him, and of course he didn’t say no. Of course, my little impulsive act ended up with me pregnant, and he was a saint about it. Why wouldn’t he be?

Andy is the sweetest soul on earth; he always has been.

Everything was perfect for a while. Even with school being as demanding as it was, Andy was a loving and doting father. I wasn’t surprised that he proposed, and I was more than happy to say yes. I wanted nothing more than to devote myself to him forever.

For a while, it was perfect. We had the perfect life. Sure, I looked at other men sometimes, just wondering what it would be like to have the freedom to do whatever I wanted, but I never acted on anything. I had a good life, why mess it up?

Then, Jacob’s trial.

Even after everything that happened; the arguments, the trial, the sleeping in separate rooms...the accident...he still treated me like I was the center of his universe, and loved me unconditionally.

But I felt betrayed.

How could he not tell me about his father? Yeah, it’s his life and he’s allowed his secrets, but I’m his wife! So, after all was said and done, even with him being as amazing as he was, I still cheated. I cheated because I wanted him to feel as betrayed as I did. I seduced his best friend, best man at our wedding, and fucked him in the backseat of our car. It should’ve been quick and dirty, but I fucked up and let it turn into something that it should’ve never been.

It was nice to feel like I was a priority, to feel beautiful, and just get away from the weight that now comes with being a Barber. The flowers, gifts, then sneaking...it all felt new and exciting. I felt young again.

Andy started to notice of how distant I was becoming and offered to take me on a trip, or pay for me to go on my own trip, and that’s when the guilt set in. I was out being the world’s worst wife, and he was still trying to take care of me. So, I broke off the relationship and came clean to Andy.

He didn’t even say a word, and to be honest, he didn’t need to. The look in his eyes told me everything. I had crushed him and instantly felt terrible. I was so ready for him to demand a divorce, and a small part of me wanted him to, but he just stormed out and spent the rest of the night driving around. Of course, Andy being the amazing man he is, came back in the morning and told me he loved me and wanted to work it out.

That should’ve been enough for me and I should’ve been happy, but of course I wasn’t. I dug my nails in and did my best to make sure that no one would ever be able to steal him from me, including making sure he never met Y/N. Of course, I’m the one that made the mess, and it was obvious that she’d done nothing wrong, but still. Enough people talk and word gets around. It was irrational, mean, and dumb, but I wasn’t going to take any chances.

All my hard work and it did nothing.

Yeah, I messed everything up out of pure fear and jealousy, but it was nowhere near as bad as the last time. I knew it pushed him to his wits end, but it’s something I know we can make our way back from it.

But now? After that dinner for Jacob and Sarah?

God, the way he looked at her that night? Is she the one he’s in love with? No, she can’t be. It’s just not possible. He wouldn’t do that to Jacob, and she’s so damn young. 24? 25? He’d never go for someone her age.

No, whoever has his attention...I can fix it. I can make it right and do better this time. I know it took me forever to realize it, but I truly do love Andy, and I’ll do anything I can to prove that to him.

I can fix this.

taglist: @fuckingbye, @maroonsunrise83, @whxre4cevans, @autumnrose40, @greeneyedblondie44, @whiskeytangofoxtrot555, @pono-pura-vida, @nomadstucky, @companionjones, @yiiiikesmish, @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters, @liecastillo,

#Defending Jacob #defending jacob fanfiction #defending jacob smut #defending jacob fanfic #Andy Barber smut #andy barber fic #andy barber #andy barber x reader #andy barber x y/n #chris evans characters #fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #fan fic

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whatsk-poppinhomies · 2 years ago

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“I need someone who loves me, and you clearly don’t.” Pairing : Bangchan x F!Reader TW : general angst ; Chan is kind of an asshole ; Word Count : 2.2k

What is love, really? Is it a word thrown in between two nouns, spoken solely because it’s become habitual? Is it a theme, made into any form of entertainment whether it be movies or music, something used to create feelings within those who don’t know the true meaning? Is it used, said, to build the false hope within people that one day they’ll get this magical “love” that is portrayed as sparkles and hearts and romance? Love is nothing more than a money making propaganda, something that is built on year after year, a marketing ploy with its own special month, it is nothing more, it is nothing less. Love was once something special, a word whispered between two people at a perfect moment, at the right time, a declaration of sorts. Love was nothing now, love had been nothing for so long, and does anyone even know when it truly turned to nothing?

“I don’t know… Maybe I’m just doing something wrong?” You mused as you absentmindedly moved through the aisles of the store, fingering through racks of clothes that looked to have been just set out. “Maybe I need to set up a date night or something, just to try to bring that spark back… You know?” You finally looked up at your friend who was leaning across the rack of clothes, eyeing you with both confusion and pity.

Her eyebrows were arched, but her lips were pouted as she let out a disappointed scoff, shaking her head. “Oh, hon… There was never a spark in the first place.” Your jaw dropped when she said it, quickly shaking your own head in disagreement. “I’m serious. I mean maybe there was… But it lasted about as long as a lit match in a hurricane. There’s no amount of dates that can fix that.”

Your eyes rolled as you pulled off one of the sweater dresses, holding it up to your body and looking at yourself in the mirror, a solemn smile on your face as you thought about the occasion that you could wear an outfit like that for. “Maybe we just need to find the time to be more… intimate.” And she groaned loudly, dramatically gagging as she turned away from you. “Oh come ooon, I’d listen to you if you needed to have a talk like this, and I wouldn’t react the way you are right now. Why can’t you just listen?”

A loud huff escaped her as she ran her hand through her hair. “Because I’d never need to have this kind of conversation. Because I’d leave a guy when I found out that he didn’t love me, and it surely wouldn’t take me three years to realize it.” Her words hit you like a brick, not because the information was new, but because she was just pointing out the one thing that you didn’t want to bring yourself to realize, the one thing that you were so scared to admit to yourself that you tried to block it out. “Y/N… I know that you love him… There’s nothing more obvious in the world than your love for him… But he doesn’t love you back. I’m sorry…”

Your bottom lip trembled still as you tried to hold it still between your teeth, soft sniffles accompanied by shaky breaths had you quickly hanging up the dress and rushing out of the store, not keen to the idea of having a breakdown in the middle of the mall. Was it that noticeable? Could everyone else see it just as well as you could that his love for you wasn’t just faded, but gone entirely? “What do I do?” You choked out, standing outside the mall as the brisk winds of November whipped around you, blowing your hair in all directions and chilling you through the thick coat that you were wearing.

She had so much to say, but now she was silent, wrapping her arm around you and leading you to the car, leaving you with thoughts and contemplations, worries and wonders of what to do, and what would be to come. “Do what’s best for Y/N…” She murmured, finally finding what she thought to be the right words. “But you deserve to be with someone who will give you back just as much love as I know you can give.”

The drive to your home took too long, letting you sit in the passenger side of her car, dwelling on your thoughts and her words, but it also didn’t take long enough, and you were soon sitting outside of your apartment, the windows seeming to stare down at you menacingly, as if they knew just what you were thinking and exactly what was about to happen. “I’ll talk to you later tonight…” You whispered, giving her the best smile you could muster before climbing out of the car.

Your feet felt like lead, barely able to pick them up to carry you through the front doors, and you were practically shuffling over to the elevator that would bring you up to your floor. He had moved into your apartment with you, something that you had been so excited for when he brought it up, that is, until he proclaimed that it was only because it was still close enough to the office and he’d be able to get some work done away from the guys.

It was still a rare occasion to be able to see him, even if he did live with you, he was always at the office, and even though his reason for moving in with you was partly to have some alone time away from the guys, he was always with them. That thought alone had your feet losing most of the weight that you felt in them, the new found hope filled promise that he’d be gone still, to let you think things over, think about how you’d talk to him, how you’d bring up everything that had been shared between you and your friend.

As you walked through the front door, you were shocked to see Chan sitting on the couch, hunched over his laptop like he usually was, but a quick glance at the clock let you know that it was too early for him to be here, he usually wasn’t even back home until you were fast asleep. “Wow, you’re home early…” You commented, kicking your shoes off and hanging up your purse and your coat in the closet before heading into the living room, dropping down into the recliner across from him.

“Yeah, it’s just easier for me to work here, it’s peaceful.” He mumbled, not even lifting his head to look at you over the screen, but his words had you filling with a little bit of hope. Did your apartment bring him peace because it was a part of you, because he was surrounded with pictures and objects that reminded him of you? “Well, it was… I thought you’d be gone a little longer and I’d get some work done.”

The smile that he hadn’t even caught you wearing quickly dropped, and you swallowed down the hope like it was a pill, one that was far too big and it got lodged in your throat, choking off your air. “We couldn’t stay out too long… She had to go to work…” You muttered the lie, not wanting him to know that you almost had an emotional breakdown at work, although you were sure that he wouldn’t even care.

“Shame… I guess I can go to the room…” He grumbled, closing up his laptop and shaking his head as he leaned back against the couch cushion, running his hands over his face and letting out a loud yawn. He wasn’t even your boyfriend anymore, it didn’t feel that way, he was more like a roommate. “Do you think you can bring me a glass of water though so I can have it while I work?” It wasn’t the question itself that had your nails digging into the lap of your jeans, creating thin white lines in the dark denim fabric, no… It was the way he said it. It wasn’t a question, it was an expectation, like you were no more than a maid or a servant to him, your presence not needed, but convenient for things like this.

“Do you even love me anymore?” You blurted out, staring at him with eyes that were already filling with tears. You knew the answer before he even said it, the way he reacted to it, the roll of his eyes and the sigh that already sounded like he was exhausted with the conversation before it began. “Why are you here? Why are you still here if you don’t?”

He groaned loudly, pushing himself up off the couch and heading into the kitchen, avoiding the questions that should be so simply answered by him. He had all the answers, and you had the right to know, so why was he walking away from it? You quickly got up, following behind him and grabbing his arm, forcing him to look at you, to answer you. “Why are you bringing this up now? I’m busy. You know that I’m busy.”

Your head shook quickly, your jaw set as you glared up at him with blurry eyes, your nose twitching from the sniffles that you were trying so hard to hold back. “You’re always fucking busy. Answer the damn question, Christopher.” You hissed, your voice breaking on his name and your head quickly dropping to momentarily blink away the tears.

“It seems like you already know the answer to your questions, Y/N. Why do you need me to answer them?” He sounded so snide, so cocky in his response that it took everything in you not to hit him, to let yourself lash out at him. It seemed too easy for him to brush it off, to brush you off, and it truly seemed like your emotions, your feelings didn’t matter to him, and it had you questioning whether they ever had. “And why does it even matter? It’s not like all of this is new, it’s not like I’m acting any differently than I have been for the past year and a half… What difference will any of these questions make?”

Your fists were clenched at your sides, your body shaking with anger and heavy breaths that seemed impossible to breathe in past the lump that was in your throat. “Be…Because I need someone who loves me, and you clearly don’t. I wasn’t keeping you around because it was convenient for you, it sure as hell wasn’t convenient for me. I let you stay here because I thought… I thought that there was still something here…”

He scoffed, running his fingers through his hair. “Love isn’t real anymore. The only thing that’s been convenient is the word itself… You drop it like a dime and you can get whatever you want. The entire world wants to be loved, Y/N… But so few people find someone who really means it.” All of the air left your lungs in one loud gasp as you stared up at the man who you loved with every ounce of your being, the man who just confessed that his love for you was nothing more than a convenient phrase. “Do you want me to start packing my stuff now, or do you want to try to talk this out?”

He really didn’t care, and your tears felt foolish now, being wasted on someone like him, someone who clearly didn’t have a single place in his heart for anyone or anything but his career and his band members. “Now.” You practically growled the word, pushing him towards the direction of the bedroom, and while it felt foolish to cry, the tears seemed to flow endlessly down your cheeks. “Get your shit and get out!” You screeched, your pushes weak and barely moving him an inch, but he didn’t tell you to stop, he didn’t even try to stop you.

The thing is, Chan knew that his words hurt you, he knew that what he said was devastating to you. He was the asshole, and he would never deny it, and he would deny the pain that you were feeling all caused by him. The problem was that, he just couldn’t love you… There was no time to try to build on that feeling, to try to expand on that emotion, not for him at least. He knew that you loved him, and that was the hardest part for the both of you. Knowing that he had to hurt you, that he had to break your heart to free yourself of the attachment that you felt to him. He didn’t like being the asshole, but he had to be, and even though he acted like it meant nothing to say what he said, it was all just that… An act. He really wanted to love you, and he knew that if he had the time to, he would have been able to love you like no other, but he couldn’t just keep stringing you along under the assumption that he did. No. He had to play the part, and give someone else the opportunity to love you the way that he would have if he really had the chance to.

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pinnithin-writes · 1 year ago

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A Helminthic Romance

Short story about a girl who falls in love with her intestinal parasite, told through entries in the narrator's journal.

[Posting these in short installments in conjunction with the the dates of the journal entries.]

Read on Ao3

<- May//June//

June 1

Will messaged me again. I should just block his number at this point. He seriously asked me if I wanted to hang out, after everything that happened. I don’t know what he doesn’t get about “don’t speak to me again.”

I’m looking back at my entries from spring break and realizing I never actually talked about the aftermath. There’s like, a two week gap where I didn’t even write anything. I guess it was too raw then. Now that it’s been a couple months it’s kind of scabbed over, so I can poke at it a little.

After he cheated he tried to go back to how things were before. I don’t know if he was counting on me not finding out or was just planning on lying about it or what, but when I tried to confront him about it he just acted like it hadn’t happened. I had to show him the screenshots to make him actually acknowledge it.

“You can’t just act like spring break doesn’t count,” I told him, and he was like, what does it matter? I’ll never see her again. And then he added a passive aggressive comment about how he couldn’t expect me to give him everything he needed, so he filled in the gaps where he could.

I hate to say it but that was my breaking point, not the cheating. I was almost willing to forgive him and let him have another chance after that. I mean, it’s not like anyone has ever shown any romantic interest in me before him, and it’s unlikely I’ll get another shot at love anytime soon. And I did like him. I still do, really.

But then he went and said that? I gave him everything. I carved out hours of my life to hang out with him. I listened to his stories about how his parents hit him and how all his exes used and discarded him and I hugged him while he cried and I held his hand while he learned to heal.

We could have been something. He was my broken doll and I was his starving dog. The only two people fucked up enough to understand each other.

I should have known establishing a boundary would have been taken as an attack. He’s been hurt too many times to assume good intentions. But he didn’t have to turn around and cheat on me.

Just because I can’t figure out what I want doesn’t mean I’m not able to tell what I don’t want. I knew I didn’t want to move in with him after only dating for six months. It didn't matter that I was aging out of the dorms. I didn’t want to live with him because that would give him a front row seat to all the weird shit I do behind closed doors and I knew I wasn’t ready for that.

I think he took me signing the lease with Gina as a sign that I was going to leave him just like the rest of his exes. The first in a series of steps to distance myself after he showed me all the undesirable parts of him, and I’d decided I couldn’t handle it. If he knew all my undesirable parts he’d have known it would take quite a lot for me to draw the line. Maybe he tried to find where the line was early so he could save himself some heartbreak. Or something.

This is so fucking stupid that I just inherently psychoanalyze people. Thanks, Mom. He’s already wasted so much of my time, but here I am wasting more of it figuring out why he thought that was okay.

God. Whatever. The worm’s doing fine. The one inside my body, that is, not the other one. I’ve sort of gotten used to the indigestion, and it’s nice I can eat whatever I want now. It seems to perk up when I feed it chocolate covered pretzels, which is great because I love eating those.

I really thought for a second about naming the tapeworm Will, just as a funny joke to myself about how Will is a parasite, but this feels like kind of an insult to the worm. It hasn’t led me on for months only to decide I wasn’t worth the emotional effort of waiting on me. All the worm ever does is wait on me, really. It just sits there in a dark little part inside of me I’ll never get to see, waiting patiently for whatever I decide to give it. It doesn’t complain, and it never leaves because it can’t.

I think I want to be kind to it. It didn’t choose these circumstances, much like a child doesn’t choose to be born. The least I can do is treat it well while it’s forced to exist in my digestive tract.

I don’t know. I shouldn’t name it Will, but I should probably name it something, now that I think about it. We’re past the point of avoiding missing it when it’s gone - I’ll miss it. We’ve already spent so much time together and it’s always there with me. But what does one name a worm that’s attached to your intestines, eating when you eat, sleeping when you sleep, fully dependent on you?

And if we’re being honest I’m a little dependent on it, not only for getting my weight down, but for keeping me on a schedule. I’d probably be in bed all day long if the worm didn’t stir every once in a while, reminding me to go about the daily maintenance of being alive. I actually showered today because my stomach hurt so bad I couldn’t stay curled up in bed any longer. It’s like it’s reminding me to keep being a person.

Hard to pick a name for someone that important.

#made a new post for june #body horror #parasitism #disordered eating #suicidal ideation #self harm #ink #tapeworm story

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whimsicallyenchantedrose · 11 months ago

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Christmas Reruns 2023 Day 9: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas (2/3)

Merry Christmas if you celebrate it and happy holidays if you don’t! One of the things I love about Christmas is watching reruns of all the old classic Christmas movies–Christmas is a big time for nostalgia. A few years ago, I decided to incorporate that tradition into my fandom life and post my CS holiday reruns. So here you go! Enough holiday (mostly) fluff to get you to New Year’s Day. (With a new story posting on Christmas Day.)

Rating: G

Word Count: 2545

Other chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32

Notes: This story was originally written in 2014.

Walking in a Winter Wonderland

“Looks like your boyfriend learned about Christmas,” David said dryly as he pushed open the sheriff’s station door.

Emma elbowed her way past her father to have a look and then barked out a laugh. A veritable forest of mistletoe hung above her desk and chair. David was right; it couldn’t be the work of anyone but her adorable idiot of a pirate.

“Although if he really wanted to get you to kiss him,” David continued, draping his winter coat over the back of his own chair, “he would have hung it inside one of the jail cells. We left the station locked when we went on rounds, so I’m pretty sure this qualifies as breaking and entering.”

Emma grinned. “Cut him some slack, Dad. There are far, far worse things he could have done, don’t you think?”

“That depends,” David replied with a frown.

“Yeah? On what?”

“Whether or not he makes use of the mistletoe when I’m around.”

Emma laughed again, still amazed at the happiness that was her life at the moment. Seriously, who would have thought that Emma Swan, the unloved, unwanted orphan would one day have to deal with an overzealous pirate boyfriend and an overprotective father?

“I’ll make him behave,” Emma promised. “At least while you’re around.”

David grimaced. “You had to tack on that last part?”

“Yep,” Emma replied, taking a seat. “Deal with it Dad; your little girl’s dating a pirate. Bound to be some…um…misbehavior. Probably on both our parts.”

David groaned.

Her dad put up a good show, but Emma knew that’s all it was—a show. The bromance was strong with these two. Emma didn’t know who was happier that her relationship with Killian was still going strong, her or her dad.

A month had passed since Gold’s sorcerer’s hat stunt, and they were all still reeling from it to various extents. She’d had nightmares about it every night for a solid two weeks following the incident. Nightmares where they didn’t make it in time. Nightmares where she, her mom and Belle arrived at the clock tower a moment after Gold had finished crushing Killian’s heart into a fine powder. She’d woken up shaking and bathed in sweat.

If Gold had succeeded…she couldn’t even bring herself to finish the sentence. The very thought scared her more than anything in her life had ever scared her.

It was in that moment when she was frozen in place, helpless to protect Killian, that she gave up the last bit of pretense. She loved him; there was no denying it. Just the sight of him was enough to make the butterflies start tap dancing in her stomach.

“What do you think of my first attempt at decorating for the season?”

Speak of the devil.

Killian strode in with the confidence (and looks) of a fashion model. He leaned down, brushed a kiss against her cheek and then straightened with the grin she’d come to learn meant trouble.

“Not bad,” she said, “but you know people usually just hang one sprig of mistletoe, not a whole garden.”

He tsked, and frowned at her playfully. “And where would be the fun in that? I’d prefer to increase my chances of finding myself under it with a fetching lass rather than limit them.”

He pulled her to her feet and wrapped his arms around her. “Speaking of which, it appears you and I are currently standing beneath a particularly hearty specimen. Holiday traditions must be observed, darling. Good form and all.”

She grinned and looped her arms around his neck. “So what are you waiting for?”

His smile turned distinctly wicked. “Not a thing in the world, love.”

A wildfire raged between them at the first touch of his lips to hers. It was always like this between them; like someone had tossed a lit match on a mountain of dry kindling. Emma tilted her head, instantly deepening the kiss, reveling in the feel of his hand in her hair anchoring her to him, his hook at her back urging her closer.

David cleared his throat. Loudly. Whatever adjectives could be used to describe her father, “subtle” was not one of them. Emma pulled away with an apologetic look at her boyfriend, then turned to face her dad. Killian reached down and laced his fingers with hers.

“You guys mind?” David asked with a hint of exasperation. “This is a place of business after all.”

“Funny,” Killian said with a smirk, “you seemed to be singing an entirely different tune that night last week when I walked in to find you and your lovely wife similarly expressing your affection.”

David spluttered. “That’s…that’s different!”

“Aye? How so?”

“It’s different because…because…well, because it just is.”

Killian laughed with such good humor that soon even David joined in. “Look,” her father finally said, “I’m glad you two are happy together, I really am, but could you keep the PDA to a minimum while I’m around? Please?”

Killian sketched a bow. “I shall endeavor to control myself, but confronted with your daughter’s ravishing beauty, I am, more often than not, unable to express my admiration any other way.”

Emma laughed and swatted him playfully. “You are so full of it.”

“Aye,” he returned with a flirtatious wink, “but I noticed you failed to put up a protest at my ‘PDA’ a moment ago.”

“I’ll admit,” she returned, placing her free hand over his heart, a gesture she found herself making more and more frequently since his ordeal with Gold, “kissing you is kind of addicting. So, what’s up? We weren’t supposed to meet for lunch for another hour or so.”

“I’ve come to steal you away, love,” He said, giving her hand a squeeze. “The snow has bathed the woods in a blanket of loveliness, and I wish to share it with my favorite lass.”

“I can’t just go take a stroll in the woods,” Emma said. “For one thing, it’s cold. For another, I’ve got work to do. And did I mention, it’s cold?”

The look on his face was two parts puppy and one part wicked. “If we don’t go, I’ll be forced to hang around and, no doubt, nauseate your father. We wouldn’t want that, now would we? Besides, I’m…more than capable of keeping you warm.”

“Ugh,” David said. “Emma just go with him. I’ll cover for you.”

“Well,” Emma said, grabbing her coat and hat, “if you both insist…”

“We do,” David and Killian said in unison.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Emma had to admit it was beautiful and peaceful out here. And with Killian’s arm draped around her, surprisingly warm as well. On impulse, she reached up and pecked him on the cheek.

“And what was that delightful gesture for, Swan?”

She shrugged. “No reason. Just…thank you. You were right. It’s nice to get away from the craziness of the town for a while.”

He smiled, making the crow’s feet stand at attention at the edges of his eyes. “Darling, when are you going to finally realize that I’m always right?”

Emma rolled her eyes but couldn’t keep the grin from her face. “Don’t hold your breath, pirate.”

“Thought as much,” Killian muttered under his breath.

Emma had never been a big fan of winter. She hated the cold, and the snow drove her crazy—especially now that she was the sheriff and was called to every fender bender and slide-off in the whole damn town. Killian, however, seemed to have an entirely different opinion on the matter. His face was lit up with the wonder and awe of a child as he trudged through the ankle-deep snow and watched the flurries continue to drift down.

“You seem to be enjoying this weather,” she observed, reaching up to feather her fingers through his hair and dislodge the stubborn snowflakes that had evidently decided to take up residence there.

“Aye,” he said, looking down at her with a delighted grin. “Always reminds me of a day I spent with Liam many, many years ago.”

Emma perked up at the mention of Killian’s brother. “You never talk about him. I always assumed the memories were too painful for you.”

Killian smiled tenderly. “Aye, some memories are. It seems no matter how many centuries go by, the sting of his passing will never truly fade. I do, however, have many, many pleasant memories of him, and the day we spent in the snow is certainly one of those.”

“Would you tell me about it?”

“Of course,” he complied without hesitation. “It was one of the last good memories I had of my family. My mum died the following year, and my father was never the same after her passing. At any rate, I was but a wee lad at the time, five, maybe six years old. Liam was a good ten years my senior and I nearly worshiped him. He’d just informed me that he would be leaving in less than a fortnight upon his first ship; I no longer recall her name. He was to be a cabin boy and I’ve rarely seen a lad so excited. I was, of course, devastated that my brother, my hero, would be leaving me in a matter of days.”

“I can only imagine,” Emma soothed. Killian felt things so deeply; his entire heart and soul were invested when he loved. Liam’s departure must have hit him hard.

“Aye,” he said with a grimace. “Anyway, on the day in question, Liam woke me, excited about the newly fallen snow. We two spent the entire day reveling in it—making snowmen and snow fortifications. Engaging in a rather ruthless snowball fight. It was a day I wouldn’t trade for all the rum in the Enchanted Forest.”

“It sounds great.”

“Aye, that it was.”

They lapsed into silence for a time. Emma rested her head against his shoulder, and she felt him brush a kiss against the crown of her head.

“So how was your breakfast with Henry?” Emma asked.

“Informative,” Killian said, and Emma could hear the smile in his voice. “The lad is a wealth of information. He seems quite excited for this Christmas holiday.”

Emma sighed. “Yeah. Seems like it’s all he can talk about.”

Killian looked over at her. “From your tone, I take it you don’t share his sentiments?”

“No.” The word was definitive, emphatic.

“The lad told me as much,” Killian admitted. “He was concerned that you seem unwilling to participate in this realm’s Christmas traditions.”

Emma grimaced. “I was hoping it would be enough for him to get all the Christmas crap at Regina’s or my mom and dad’s.”

Killian stopped walking and turned her toward him. “The lad didn’t come to me because he needs more Christmas; he came to me because he’s worried about you.”

Henry was worried about her? Because of Christmas? “He doesn’t need to be. I’m fine.”

Killian looked at her skeptically. “Swan, I’ve seen you ‘fine’. I’ve seen you happy. I’ve seen you content. You are feeling none of those emotions. This ‘Christmas’ is obviously a source of pain for you. Please, tell me why that is.”

Emma sighed. There really was no point trying to hide anything from this man. “It’s just…I don’t know. Christmas is all about family and happiness and being together and stuff.”

“And these are bad things?” At some point, Killian brought his good hand up to cup her face, and he was gently caressing her cheek with his thumb.

“No…” Emma drew out the syllable. “Not in general, but for an unwanted little girl in the group homes it was torture. I mean, everywhere you turned you’d get assaulted with images of happy little families doing happy little family things. Every time you turned on the TV you’d see commercials and movies and everything else where everyone was perfectly happy and enjoying each other’s company. The songs talk about it being the happiest time of the year, or about how people love going home for the holidays or the love of family. You know what it was for me? It was a slap in the face. It was yet another reminder that I’d never had that and probably never would.”

The compassion in Killian’s eyes nearly broke her. He dropped his hand from her face and gathered her into his arms, holding her tight. She clung to him, drinking in the love he offered her.

“Emma,” he whispered., “there are so many, many people who love you. So many, many people who would do anything to make you happy.”

The tears rushed to her eyes. “I know, and it means everything in the world to me. It’s just—I don’t know. Childhood memories die hard. I don’t know if I can even do all the ‘happy family Christmas’ stuff.”

“But you said it yourself, love,” Killian reasoned, stroking her hair. “Christmas isn’t about perfectly fulfilling the traditions you’re accustomed to. It’s not about living up to the standards you believe the ‘perfect’ families attained. It’s not about fulfilling a checklist of Christmas items. It’s about being with the ones you love; showing them how much you care.”

Killian pulled away. “Let us love you,” he said simply. “Let us show you how much you mean to all of us. Let us build our own traditions, our own memories. Perhaps they won’t erase the pain of the past, but trust me love, the good memories, the beautiful moments—they shine as brightly as the star Leroy attempted to force me to place on the top of Granny’s tree—if you but let them. They are like the sun that blots out the light of the stars. Losing Liam to dreamshade—it was one of the darkest days of my life. The pain of losing my brother, the man who was captain and brother and hero to me, was such that words cannot describe. Even so, traumatic as that day was, it cannot hold a candle to the simple joy of that day spent playing in the snow. ”

“I wish I’d met Liam,” Emma said with a wistful smile.

“As do I love,” Killian said. “He would have liked you—and would have thanked his lucky stars that I’d finally found myself a beautiful blonde savior to point me back to the man I wish to be.”

Emma stroked his face. “He’d be proud of you, Killian. You’re a good man; one of the best and most honorable I know.”

Killian turned his head and brushed a kiss against her palm. “You can have no idea how sweet those words sound coming from your lips. I have but one bit of advice for you, love: don’t run from the love of family and the joys of Christmas all around you. Make new memories, good memories. I can promise you; you won’t regret it.”

Emma reached up and brushed a soft kiss against his lips. “Maybe you’re right.”

“Again with the skepticism, darling? Didn’t we just establish I’m always right?”

Emma chuckled. “Whatever. I’m hungry. Are you going to take me to lunch or not?”

Killian sketched a bow. “My lady’s wish is my command.”

–Up next, Emma and Killian return to her apartment after the town’s Christmas Eve party.

NEXT CHAPTER->

#christmas reruns 2023 #cs fanfiction #captain swan christmas ff #my fanfiction #have yourself a merry little christmas

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faunandfl0ra · 11 months ago

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TIMING: Recent SETTING: a shelter PARTIES: Conor and Xóchitl SUMMARY: Conor and Xó run into each other at a shelter, are semi surprised to see one another, but chat and plan to hang out again. It’s soft.

“Xó?” He wasn’t supposed to see her for another week. Not that he had the busiest of schedules or that he didn’t like a schedule (he did), but if someone else wanted to socialize with him (which was not that likely, but it still happened), Conor liked having room left for him to breathe. This being said, her company was pleasant enough that he didn’t feel an urge to pretend he didn’t see her when he ran into her outside of their music sessions.

This being said, he hadn’t expected to see her here. People had been quite generous for Thanksgiving, and he had no doubt they would spare some time or money for Christmas, but people who had been living in a gymnast for over two months now probably would need food between the two holidays. The faun didn’t precisely need to eat, but he liked to garden, to no one’s surprise, and harvest too. With the fruits and vegetables he had picked up in the woods and in his garden, he’d walked into the food bank expecting to say hi to the few familiar faces he had met here, have a small chat, and then get the fuck out. He was on his way out now, and there was another familiar face there. “What are you doing here?” It seemed to clash a bit with her usual surroundings.

“Conor?” If Xóchitl had been the sort to wear glasses, she was positive that this would’ve been one of those moments where she pulled them down in curiosity, dramatically, or something along those lines. If he were just about anyone else, she would’ve made some remark about him following her, but she seemed to remember something about him being uncomfortable with jokes, and so she refrained. The two of them had plans to meet up in a week (or so), though a part of her had wanted to ask for it to be moved up, and so maybe this was the universe granting a wish of hers for once.

(Though saying for once wasn’t entirely fair, she supposed, given that she did have a tendency to get her way, even if there were still some major parts of her wishes left ungranted and unfulfilled).

“People needed help, I have the time and means to help, so I figured I’d help.” Xóchitl looked at Conor. Not precisely up at him, given that they were the same height, but something about him made her feel like she was looking up – which she appreciated immensely, not because she had any qualms with being taller than men she was around, but just because there was something safe about that. “What are you up to here? I’m guessing it’s not for music because I don’t see your magnificent violin with you…”

“Oh, I…” He looked down briefly, if only to offer himself some time to hide the shade of pink coloring his cheeks. Compliments shouldn't have been so complicated to accept. One could hope that after 60 years of playing the violin, magnificent was a fitting word to describe it. Conor just wished it was faux modestie that held him back instead of the sort of anxiety that made one wonder if someone else wasn't just being nice. “I had too many vegetables in the garden for me to eat on my own,” clearly. “I’ve been coming here every two to three days,” a pause. “It’s baffling how much my garden's been giving me this year. I didn't expect such results considering…” his voice died out in consideration of the people who were gathered in the gymnasium until they found a home.

“What about you?” Clearing his throat, Conor looked down at his apron, dusting off dirt with the edge of his hand before figuring he was better off just taking it off until he got back home. It wasn't like he was going to be doing much more work until tomorrow. “Sorry. You’re offering therapy sessions for those who need to talk?” That was what he imagined at least.

Xóchitl thought she spotted a slight reddening of Conor’s cheeks, and there was something incredibly entrancing about that – entrancing and also heart-warming. Not that she got warm about people who weren’t even technically her friends. Because she was just someone who talked to Conor, sometimes. Not even sometimes, so much, given that they’d spoken none too often.

“Well, that’s good. It’ll make sure people don’t get scurvy or whatever it is that you get if you don’t get vegetables in your diet.” Xóchitl shrugged, “though I am a bit sad that you didn’t think to sell any to me. I promise I would’ve given you a good price for it, but giving it away to those who need it more does make some sort of sense, I suppose.” She grinned. “No – I mean, yes, if they want, but that’s not… why I’m here. I’m just here to help out however I can.”

“You don’t need to promise that,” his eyes crinkled as he attempted to smile at her but there were, undeniably, traces of despair in them as he looked at the woman. “Besides, I wouldn’t have accepted a good price when they don’t cost me much to grow,” then, Conor liked to base his prices on what was fair in the 60s and might have accidentally gotten his banker pay off his loans for him through fae magic without even knowing it. He probably wouldn’t have made the same happy mistake now, but it was only through coming to Wicked’s Rest that he began learning more about his kind, and that he was slowly figuring out that he had no need to be so harsh with himself. As for costing the bank money, he didn’t give a fuck about that, obviously. Capitalism was something he wished to see abolished, and who represented that system more than banks?

“However you can? And how is that?” If it sounded like he doubted she had anything else to offer, he certainly didn’t mean it that way, and so, he didn’t attempt to correct himself. This being said, he wasn’t really aware that his tone suggested that. “I don’t mean to pry, I’m sorry. I probably should…” With an awkward smile, he pointed toward the door. “Dinner, and things.” Right. You could hardly call a cup of tea consumed solely for the taste dinner but as this was not a lie, Conor was glad not to suffer from his words, for once.

“Fine, then I don’t promise it, but I do mean it.” Xóchitl frowned at his look of sorrow, worried that somehow she’d caused that. Even though she didn’t think she had, and even if she had, she hadn’t meant to, which logically had to count for something, didn’t it? “That’s very fair of you, though I could always do more than just give you money to show my appreciation.” She raised an eyebrow, unsure of if Conor would get any of the underlying implications there, or if they’d go over his head. She found herself hoping that, at the very least, he wasn’t offended by her commentary.

Xóchitl wondered if he’d meant for what he said to come off like it did. Like she didn’t actually have anything of substance to offer. If it had been almost anybody else, she might’ve made some sort of comment about how she was, if nothing else, hot. Given Conor’s dislike of jokes, she refrained. “I can like, spoon out soup, or fold clothes, or make emergency packs, or whatever.” She couldn’t help herself at his next comment. “Dinner, you say? Conor, are you asking me to dinner? Because the answer is, of course, absolutely yes. It is also yes if you need help organizing for dinner for the people here. Just tell me where I should go.”

“What ?” Didn't he just say he wouldn't have accepted money for it? Without a doubt, he was not as skilled with words as Regan or Beau or Cass and Teagan, and basically every single fae he had spoken to or met, but… he wasn't that bad, right? “How would you want to pay me if you’re not offering currency? Would you rather trade ?” His confusion could be read all over his face, and he tried to gain himself some composure by running a hand through perpetually messy dirty blond hair. A kind, apologetic smile came along as if to quietly ask for forgiveness and the florist’s shoulders relaxed briefly (because it was likely he'd be stressed again in a second).

Conor wrinkled his nose. “Do they eat soup every day?” He had not had soup since his teenage days, and that was a long while ago. His mother always insisted on finishing his plate and he absolutely detested every spoonful of the liquid he had to swallow down. Chicken broth, carrot soup, tomato soup, you name it. He detested it. “Nevermind that.” He paused. What about dinner? His stress took a U-turn. He couldn't tell her that he was just telling her about him having dinner, could he ? That would be very rude and he’d always been told not to be rude, especially to people who weren't fucking dickheads, and Conor would have never called Xochitl a dickhead. She was lovely, and he appreciated her company very much. It was better than tolerable after all. So no, he couldn't be a prick even if all his cupboards were mostly full of air and partly full of tea leaves in tin boxes, music sheets that he swore were organized, and a collection of seeds that was actually quite well organized, once again in tin boxes that he took the time to label one Sunday afternoon.

“Organizing for dinner ? Oh no, I'm not… I can't cook.” Because he was both his mother and his grandmother’s little boy in an age where that meant that housework was certainly not for him to do. “I… You must be better at dinner than me.” Rubbing at the back of his head, he offered a sheepish smile. “Huh. What is the usual process here ?”

So the comment had gone over his head, and instead of pushing it, Xóchitl shrugged. “Sorry, you’re right, I must’ve misspoken.” She didn’t want to stress him out, at least not so quickly and in such an unfun sort of way. Directly hitting on him was better, because at least she had the chance to get a good blush out of him. This, right now? Felt uncomfortable and maybe almost bordering on cruel. Which was probably one heck of a leap to make, but she figured it was better to go about things with a hint of caution.

“I doubt they eat it every day, but it’s a good warm food that can easily be made in large quantities, so…” Xóchitl fiddled with one of the rings on her fingers, “I was just guessing. But soup is good, right? Not my favorite, but it does the job. Have you ever had Chilaquiles? Those are very, very good, and you should let me show them to you if you’ve never had them.” Conor was nice. Very different from the sort of person she usually spent time with (Emilio, Jade, Leti, and Emilio being a few prime examples of the sort of person she usually spent time with. People who were more comfortable being out there.) Conor was delightfully awkward, in a way that she would’ve called charming if she thought about it for more than a few minutes.

“I’m also not the best cook, but I do like to eat. I can do some cooking, though, you’re right. I mean, I think the usual way things go is probably… just, normal?” God, why was she such a mess of words. “We could both go and check in, see what they need us for? If you’ll let me buy you either a drink or something to show you my appreciation.” Xóchitl grinned. “Is that alright? It won’t be anything you don’t like.”

“That’s alright,” he was aware that sometimes things flew right over his head. Maybe this was what happened here. Either way, he was thankful for her not pointing it out if it was the case.

Whatever it was that she was mentioning to him right now, he had never heard of that. He crinkled one eye. If he tried to repeat that word, he'd most likely stumble. “I’ve never heard of that. It’s a sort of soup?” Folding his apron, he held it beneath his crossed arms, close to his chest. With a sheepish smile, he nodded along to her offer.

“Do you want to check right now? Or did you want us to do that some other time ?” Because they’d been talking about dinner and now she was mentioning drinks and some extra volunteering for the day. In the end, Conor was not sure where they were headed. He was not so fond of the unexpected but Xochitl was one of these people that made him feel at ease and he didn't feel anxious spending more time with her and going off plan. “I think you already have a good picture of what I like or not,” she was a therapist which had Conor believe that she was some kind of empathic mind reader, succeeding to pinpoint one’s needs without difficulty.

“Well, you are very kind to say that,” and even if she was being a little bit extra, Xóchitl did, in fact, genuinely mean it. Conor deserved that, she’d decided at some point, even though the two of them still barely knew each other, technically speaking.

She shook her head. “No, not a soup. It’s sort of… fried corn tortillas. Very good, and look, proof that I’m not only invested in eating soup.” Xóchitl smiled. “I think I can semi-handle making them, so if you ever want to try them out, you know who to ask.” She watched him, his gentle smile, the way that despite being rather incredibly muscular (not that she was especially looking), he seemed incredibly soft, gentle, and good. Far too good for her – but she selfishly wanted his friendship regardless.

“Some other time.” Xóchitl ran her tongue across the roof of her mouth, “for the dinner and drinks. I think we should go and actually help people now, given that that’s the far more immediate need.” Besides, plans to see him again certainly weren’t bad – not one bit at all. Especially since she felt a certain amount of pride in getting him to agree to hang out in a non-music-playing setting.

“That does sound better than soup,” Conor agreed with a timid smile. “I don’t have the largest appetite so do keep that in mind whenever you want to invite me over,” that was an understatement. He figured he could have had a meal right now. These people looked like they could use a good dose of excitement or joy, but the faun still wasn’t sure on his to make his feeding process stop without going into a state of panic, and so he typically targeted unpleasant folks or the elderly. It seemed like the most humane, easiest way to feed himself, even if he couldn’t shake off the fact that it was murder and it terrified him. “I agree. I didn’t really plan to go out elsewhere tonight, so that’s probably best if I stick to my schedule,” even if again, Xotchil didn’t make him feel uncomfortable. He looked forward to meeting up with her, though he already wondered what they would talk about. Usually, it was about the music piece they were working on, or concerts they were looking forward to. Besides, he couldn’t recall the last time he had an actual dinner with someone. It would be fine though, right?

#wickedswriting #xo threads #food for thought #faun and flora | threads

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concealeddarkness13 · 2 years ago

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Fire and Steel (Speedrunning Therapy) Part 6

Content warning for needles. Here’s the next one! This one clocking in at about 7,600 words! There’s just so much good dialogue! It starts out lighthearted, but how long might that last?

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Tagging: @ratracechronicler, @maple-writes, @pen-of-roses, @drabbleitout, and @for-fuchs-sake!

When I woke up, I didn’t immediately recognize where I was. I gasped and tensed until I recognized Garnet and Beau. The car was parked. I was safe. I sat up, blinking and yawning, but it felt so nice to have so much sleep. “I’m sorry. How long was I asleep?”

“Not too long, don’t worry about it,” Garnet said. “Sleep if you’re tired. You’ve had a rough 48 hours.” He tapped at the screen. “It can get boring.”

“Garnet,” Beau sat up. “There’s a BIOS call three blocks from here.”

“I heard it. I’m not taking it with you and Chess here. Not getting you infected.” Beau slouched, pouting. “Not after what almost happened last time. Let someone young and dumb take it. We’re gonna hang out here for awhile.”

I frowned. It sounded serious, whatever it was. “What’s BIOS?”

Garnet took a deep breath, exhaling sharply. “Stands for BIOSerker Virus, at least that’s what the Auditors and co have been calling it. It’s like, uh, like a really bad program Synthetics can catch, like rabies. They get it and it takes over their CPU, makes them lash out on other Synthetics I’m guessing to spread it farther. Bad part is we don’t really know how it spreads or how to fix it. Auditors have been working non stop since it started a few months back, but they haven’t made much ground.

“But, pretty much it completely takes over a system and makes Synthetics extremely violent. We’ve traced it to this group that’s been protesting Synthetics. They think they shouldn’t exist. Think it’s too close to playing God and whatever. But they’ve taken credit for creating it, probably trying to scare people or infect them all.” He shrugged. “Their group is just so decentralized we don’t really know who’s running the show, or where they are. They’re just kinda…everywhere.” He turned back to Beau. “So we have to be careful.”

Beau pouted still, slumping back and crossing his arms. “I’m not scared.”

“That’s the problem.”

It sounded terrible, and I’d never want Beau to get in danger for that. I frowned. “That’s terrible.” I glanced back at Beau. “You’re people now, so that’s murder. And I agree. I don’t want you to be in danger.”

“I knew I liked you for a reason.” Garnet ruffled my hair, and I smiled a little at the praise. I didn’t remember someone telling me they liked me, at least in a kind way. “Two against one, bud. It’s decided.”

“But I think I could help.”

“Yeah, but it’s not worth losing you or losing another arm. Your parts are still on backorder, remember? Besides, Chess needs you to help look after her, remember? Technicians will help them out.” He paused, listening to something. “See, V’s gonna help. You know she’s good at it.” He glanced over at me. “So, liking everything so far, Chess? Anything you miss from your world?”

I nodded. Garnet seemed to be changing the subject on purpose. “I’m liking it. This is a beautiful place. I got to see the ocean, and Ives said that he’d take me there after he got back. But the food’s really good, and this place has dogs, so it’s way better.” I paused. Did I miss anything from my world? “And not really. I didn’t really get to enjoy anything on my world.”

“He better,” Garnet muttered. “I’ve never been a dog person myself, but I’m glad that’s a perk. There’s plenty of them around.” He tilted his head. “Nothing? Not a favorite person or thing to do? Family or friends?”

I shook my head. “I lost all my memories about two years ago, and I didn’t know anyone and was only met with hate after that. I don’t even remember what happened to me in the prosthetics experiments, just some small snippets that could be what happened. And all I really knew after that was stealing to survive and seducing strangers so I could occasionally have someone to sleep next to.” Wait shit. Had I just made everything sad again? “But do you have a favorite animal?”

“Yeesh, sorry about that. That’s…damn, that’s terrible. But, uh, kinda. More like a category of animals. I’ve always been more of a bird guy, so like hawks, falcons, owls -that sort of thing.”

“I like foxes.” Beau smiled. “They’re like a cat and a dog at the same time! And Lora said they’re good luck. Are dogs your favorite, Chess?”

I smiled. Foxes sounded amazing! Even though I had no idea what a cat was. “What are birds? But I don’t know yet. I haven’t met every animal yet. But there was an animal back on my world that I always wanted to meet. It’s called the azure snake, and its scales change color to reflect the sky above. And it eats small rodents, but once it finds a person it bonds with, it will stay with that person for life and eat the negative thoughts the person has.”

“Birds are like…well, uh, they can be really small or kinda big. They’re covered in feathers and they fly,” Garnet tried. “I might just have to let Beau show you how to use the internet and let you explore. But tell me more about this snake! It can change colors with the sky? Does it fly?”

“So you can have them as pets?” Beau sat up. “And negative thoughts? Like when you’re sad? Does it…does it bite you to do that?”

I grinned at the idea of birds. They sounded amazing! “I don’t think it flies. I don’t really know why its scales do that. But yes. It’s very rare that one will choose you, but you can have the one that chooses you as a pet. It eats sad negative thoughts and possibly even angry negative thoughts. But it only eats what will benefit its person. And no, it must have a kind of magic to eat the thoughts. It just flicks its tongue on your skin, and the thoughts are gone.”

“That’s…amazing.” Garnet blinked. “So magic is pretty common where you’re from? Are most of the animals magic there? Eating negative emotions sounds pretty good, eh?” He glanced back at Beau. “All we’ve got is alcohol.” Ah. Yeah, my world had that too.

“Don’t say that,” Beau whispered before turning to me. “I know you were…given magic. Are there people who are naturally magical? If it’s something in animals, do people have it too, or was the idea to artificially create it in people?”

I nodded. “Magic is common, but just in animals and other sentient species. Humans don’t have any magic. That’s why the prosthetics experiments were started. So humans could have magic as well. But yeah,” I snorted. “Since I don’t have an azure snake, I use alcohol too.”

“Huh.” Garnet looked thoughtful. “Probably for the best. If humans are anything like they are here, we’d probably end up making a mess of it.”

Beau frowned. “We’ve talked about this, Garnet. Stop saying mean things like that.”

“So…the people who run the experiments. Are they human?”

He was right though. Humans were pretty terrible on my world too. “Yes. They’re doing experiments to gain power and exterminate the other species. They’ve been going on for hundreds of years, and the person who started the experiments was the reason that the other species snapped and trapped all the humans in such a small space. And I tried to escape from the enclosure once, but the security is too tight. I bet some humans found a way though.”

Garnet waved as if that proved him right. Beau scowled but looked over at me. “So the experiments were in hopes of overthrowing this other species, but it only made them angry and that’s why they’ve trapped the humans?”

“If Auditors keep it up, I give it ten years before you guys do the same thing.” Garnet chuckled. Beau reached up front and smacked his shoulder, and he winced.

“Stop it, I’m serious! I bet there are good humans there too. Look at Chess, she’s good. Humans aren’t inherently bad, I wish you’d get that.” He turned back to me, but damn, I couldn’t agree with him. “So, it’s more of the humans now are having to pay for what humans before did? And I’m assuming, from what you’ve said, the world outside the enclosure isn’t kind to humans. Is it due to that distrust?”

I nodded. “Yes, and we have different ideas how to do that. One group wants to just resort to violence and kill anyone who gets in its way, and that group is rumored to also give support to the experiments. The other group wants to be completely peaceful, and they’re the ones in power, so in public the cops don’t hurt anyone. But not the case once they get you away from the public, they’ll do whatever they want. But the problem with the rulers being completely peaceful is that they decided that any victims of violent crimes just don’t exist anymore. They just turn a blind eye to them. And it’s even worse for the victims of the prosthetics experiments. They’ve decided that we don’t exist, but also that we are monsters for participating in experiments, even though there is plenty of evidence that we were forced into the experiments. And these fucking experiments have gone off and on for hundreds of years. And they never catch the people doing it. Also, I don’t know about me being good.” He’d probably be appalled by what I had done on my world.

“Sounds like the guys downtown.” Garnet frowned, glancing at Beau. “But that’s…I mean honestly that’s a terrible way to run a system -which I’m sure you know. Just pretend it doesn’t happen? How do they expect anything to get better? That people aren’t just lost in the cracks? And why punish the people who have been experimented on against their will?” He took a deep breath as I stared. He seemed to care a lot about it, but I didn’t know why. It didn’t affect him at all. Was he just that kind?

Beau turned on me, and I had to break my stare. “And we’ve had this talk. You are good! You did what you did to survive, and, clearly, it wasn’t an easy place to survive in.”

Garnet perked up. “Just because you’ve done things you aren’t proud of doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. I’ve done things I wish I hadn’t. What matters is what you’re doing now. You punched an Auditor in the face, protecting Ives, what’s bad about that?”

Well, it could have made everything worse for Ives. I sighed. “I don’t know why they thing it’s a good idea. I’ve never been around to listen to their fancy speeches. And it’s just…hard to think that way about myself yet.”

“Well, that’s alright I guess. You’ve got time to make a difference. To feel more comfortable with yourself. But you're off to a good start.” He checked his watch.

The day dragged on, and the later it got, the more I worried about Ives. It was getting close to the end of the day, and Beau was explaining how he could connect to traffic drones to see from above, and I stared out the window, trying to distract myself.

I hummed after Beau explained about the traffic drones. “Is that how you had kept track of me as I ran? I thought I lost you a couple times.”

Beau hesitated. “Well, actually, yes. I was able to link visuals with nearby drones and see which way you’d gone.”

“That’s why I let him do the running most times.” Garnet chuckled. “If it’s got a camera, Beau can get in to see it.”

“When I have to. I don’t just connect to anything. Privacy is important.”

I laughed a little. “Good. That makes me feel better about my abilities. I was pissed at myself for letting you catch up.” In the silence after that, my smile slipped, and I spoke quieter. “Shouldn’t we have heard from Ives by now?”

“Possibly, or it may take a little longer, just depending on what’s been decided,” Beau said softly. “It may be later this afternoon or possibly tomorrow.” I tensed. Why would they have him that long?

“Ives is a little older,” Garnet added quickly. “He runs on a system that’s a little different from Beau’s, so sometimes it takes him a little longer with maintenance and things. Might be half the problem.” He glanced at me. “If it gets end of shift, you can always come back to my place and wait on him there if you like.”

I nodded, still not looking from the window. Shit, I hoped everything was ok. “That would be nice. Thank you. You’ve been really kind, and I consider you…friends.” I…could I call them friends? “I guess I’ll postpone my arson until tomorrow then if Ives doesn’t come back.”

Garnet burst out laughing. “Gonna keep that off record. But don’t worry, if he’s a no-show for some reason, I’ll call up there to check on him. He’s not just gonna disappear. And thanks, we consider you a friend too.”

“Wow, Garnet, that makes four friends you’ve got now,” Beau teased.

“Alright, smartass, I could dump you out on the curb and let you walk.” He reached for the screen and did something. “I’m clocking out. Anyone need anything from the station or should we head home?”

I smiled. I had…friends. I couldn’t believe it. “Maybe my jacket? I’m getting a little cold now.” I laughed a little. “And Beau would probably get back before us because he’s fucking fast.”

“Oh, that’s right.” Garnet nodded. “I’ll go in and grab it, y’know, just in case.” Oh yeah. The Auditors.

“If you talk to Mikki, grab my charger too.”

It didn’t take long to get to the station, and Garnet got out and headed for the station. Beau and I chatted about animals, and I was smiling more. I felt so fucking safe.

Once Garnet got back and handed me my jacket, I snuggled up in it. It was so comfortable and warm. “Thank you so much. This is such a comfortable jacket.”

“Glad you like it.” Garnet seemed distracted though. “So, hungry? Seen anything you might want? Or, if you like, I can cook us up something. Not to brag, but I’m a pretty good cook.”

I perked up. “I haven’t had a home cooked meal in a while, so that sounds good. If that’s okay.”

“Well, get ready to have the best home cooked meal of your life.” He chuckled and glanced back, and I looked back too and frowned. Beau was slumped against the door, head bowed. Was he…asleep? How did that work with Synthetics? “Little shit, didn’t tell me his charge was getting low.” He chuckled, and he didn’t seem worried so I didn’t need to worry. He glanced at me. “You’re probably exhausted too, huh? You should take it easy when we get in. You’ve had a long day.”

But I had already had a nap today. But I nodded. “Thank you, but I actually feel more rested than I have in a while. So, I’m happy to help with anything you’d like me to do.”

“Shouldn’t be too much work, and it’s been awhile since I’ve cooked for anyone. You know, considering.” He thumbed back to Beau, and it made me sad all over again. Could Synthetics not eat? That was terrible. “But glad you’re getting back on your feet.”

The apartment was a ways away from the station, but it looked nice and crowded, but crowded in a good way. Garnet parked and got out, opening the door slowly for Beau, who woke up quickly.

“Here already?” he asked, taking his time standing up.

“Ch’yeah, already.” Garnet scoffed, waiting for both of us before he started walking inside. The lobby was fancy with a lot of windows, and the floors and walls were black. There was a tv and artwork, and I didn’t know where to look first. A few women came onto the elevator with us, and they kept glancing at me, but not in a bad way.

One of them leaned around to look at me. “Love your hair. Everyone’s doing pixie cuts now. I wish I could grow my hair out that long.”

My cheeks burned, not used to compliments like that. “Thank you. Love your hair too. It’s beautiful.”

The women got off the elevator first, and they even waved goodbye. It was so odd that even strangers were nice. We went up a few more floors until Garnet and Beau stepped off, and I followed them. Garnet walked down a ways until he got to a door, where he tapped a wrist to the door, which caused it to unlock. Amazing!

I walked in after them, still a little nervous about just getting comfortable in someone else’s home. The hallway opened up into a living room with a couch that looked so comfy and tv. There was a bar looking into the kitchen, with some bar stools. And the entire back wall was windows. I stared. This place was so nice!

Beau went to the bar and set up his charger before sitting down. Garnet glanced at me. “I don’t know about you, but I keep it pretty warm in here, so let me know if it’s too much.” He locked up before taking off his jacket. “I did enough time sleeping on the street in winter, I promised myself I’d never be cold again. But if it’s too warm, tell me. Get comfortable, I’m going to change clothes, you good with what you got or would you like something? Beau’s got some clothes you might fit into. I’ve got some t shirts and hoodies too if you like.”

I smiled. This was an amazing place! Maybe I could sit down on the couch. Would that be ok? “I like it warm. Thank you. And I do think I’d like to change clothes, if that’s okay.” If I didn’t have to keep the same clothes I wore all day, I’d take it. I had to wear the same clothes most of the time for days on end, so I wanted to try new clothes. Ives’s shirt had been so comfortable.

Garnet winked as he passed me. “Oh, hey, by the way. Bathroom’s here.” He pointed it out and then across the hall. “Laundry room.” And straight ahead. “Bedroom. But that’s about it.” He left and returned looking a lot more comfortable in a hoodie and sweat pants, and he was carrying shorts, a t shirt, and a hoodie. “I figured Beau’s clothes would probably fit you better. Didn’t know if you wanted sleeves or not so grabbed both.” He handed me the clothes and went into the kitchen, and I nodded. He was so nice.

Garnet slid some crackers to Beau. “You need to be more careful, bud.”

“I am. I’ll charge tonight.” He smiled and took the crackers, and I tilted my head. Maybe he could eat?

Before I went to change, I leaned over to whisper so Garnet couldn’t hear. “Would you like to talk alone tonight if we can about flirting and stuff?” A smile pulled at my lips.

Beau perked up, eyes opening with a smile. “Yeah,” he whispered. “If that’s alright. If you want to.”

I grinned. I knew he liked Garnet. “Totally. I’m always up for some good flirting.”

His hands fidgeted, and he laughed, nodding and talking a little louder. “Okay, maybe we can make a big pallet out here, like a sleep-over -right Garnet? Isn’t that what you do at a sleep-over?”

“Oh, uh, I guess. I was going to sleep on the couch if you guys wanted the bed. But sure! We can do that if you want.”

I nodded. “I’m fine sleeping in here. I don’t need a bed. Sounds fun!” I kept grinning as I left and changed, and holy shit. Beau’s clothes were so comfy. And just big enough to be even more comfy. I snuggled into them as I walked back out. “These are so comfy. You’re never getting them back.”

Beau had also changed into shorts and a hoodie, and he had moved over to the couch. He looked up and smiled. “That’s okay! You can keep them if you like! We match!”

My cheeks warmed up a bit. He was so nice. I grinned back at him. I hadn’t even realized! “That’s awesome! I love that already!” I sat down next to Beau and leaned against him, laying my head on his shoulder. He was so comfy and warm, and I reveled in the concept of physical touch that didn’t have to be sexual. “This is so nice.”

“Mhm.” Beau snuggled closer, tipping his head against mine, and I couldn’t help but gasp. It was so nice to cuddle with someone without having to think about how I had to perform. He almost sounded like he was purring. “Tomorrow’s going to be better. Ives will be back and maybe we can all do something again after work.”

I nodded, half closing my eyes. I felt so safe. But when he mentioned Ives, my confused thoughts came back. I cared about him more than I’d felt before. What did that mean? “That sounds wonderful. And…maybe you could help me out tonight too? How do you care for someone? And…I don’t know if you’ll know this, but maybe you can help me figure it out, how do you know if you’re falling in love with someone? The feelings I have for Ives…they’re more than just physical attraction. But I don’t understand them.” I barely understood what I was feeling for Beau and Garnet and the others.

Beau opened his eyes, frowning. “I…I don’t know. At least, about love. I’d imagine caring for someone is easy. Like, getting to know them, what makes them happy, what…wait, did you say Ives?” He picked his head up, still whispering. But he looked surprised. “Ives? Like, Ives from this morning? Our Ives?”

My cheeks burned, and I nodded. “Yes. He has a dog and he’s really handsome and he’s been so kind and careful around me and I’m not used to that. So, I don’t know if it’s love, but it’s something more than just physical attraction.”

Beau sat up, turning to fully face me and taking my hands. He was so gentle. “You just…it…you don’t care that he’s Synthetic? That he isn’t human?” He looked closely at me, smiling. “That’s okay?”

I frowned. “Why would I care about that?” I held his hands as well, rubbing my thumbs over his knuckles. “You have thoughts and feelings, so you’re people to me.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “I don’t know. I didn’t think…but he’s good to you? I know he’s quiet, and people take it as thinking he’s superior, but I know he can be careful. He worried a lot about you when you first came in. He messaged me with a hundred questions. But you care about him, like a person. That’s…” He paused. “That’s why you attacked that Auditor, isn’t it?”

Well, I’d do that for any of the squad I had met. I would have done the same for Beau. I looked away though, getting flustered. “He’s good to me.” My cheeks burned worse, thinking of how gentle and kind he had been, and about kissing him. “And yes, that was why. I want to protect him. They were treating him like an object. And, honestly, I want to protect all of you. You’ve been so kind to me. It’s the least I can do.”

Beau giggled and leaned around to try and look me in the eyes. “I think, if you were willing to break the nose of an Auditor, you really do care for him. And not everyone thinks like you, I know that. There are people who don’t even want us to exist. But, if it’s okay to ask, what does it feel like? What are the feelings?”

My cheeks burned somehow worse. I barely even understood how I was feeling. “I’m not really sure. I’ve never felt this before. But it’s like my chest gets warm, and I get flustered around him when I never have before with someone else, and I want to make him smile, and he makes me feel safe, and I just feel confused!”

He smiled, squeezing my hands. “I think you do. I…I don’t really know for sure because I’m trying to learn what love is too. But, those are very selfless feelings and they don’t sound bad. Maybe stay with them, follow them. See what happens!”

I nodded, smiling hesitantly. I actually had a chance. None of them were just going to leave me. I had time. “Thanks. I’ll try. But what about you? Do you want to start talking about your feelings?”

“O-oh.” He blinked, his smile disappearing. “Well, I…I think I know what you mean. At least, most of those things.” He looked away this time, shoulders rising. “I know you say we have thoughts and feelings too, I just…sometimes I wonder if they’re real. I’m supposed to understand people and their feelings, and sometimes I don’t know if it’s me or a program.”

I leaned against him, trying to help him feel more comfortable. I hadn’t meant to make him uncomfortable! I wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “The way I see it, I’ve seen you make decisions on your own and have feelings that are your own. I’ve seen humans with less decisiveness and thoughtfulness. So, those are real, damnit.”

Beau leaned against me and hugged me suddenly, and I gasped again, just not used to it. But it was amazing. People were able to have this kind of closeness all the time and they didn’t do it? He laughed, sounding a little mechanical. “Thank you,” he squeaked.

I shook myself out of my surprise, hugging him back tightly. “You’re the first person here that I felt comfortable around. Please don’t discount how amazing you are as a person.”

“Oh no.” He laughed a little, pulling back and pressing his hands to his face. “Don’t say that. I’m still new and learning.” He smiled as he peered between his fingers. “I want to be more like you. Punching Auditors in the face.” He snickered and dropped his hands.

I had to convince him that he was good and a person. “Well, I think you’re doing a fucking amazing job of it already. Your reassurances…helping me feel better about myself. It’s like you’re punching all the people who said awful things to me in the faces!”

“Really?” He fiddled with the cuffs of his sleeves, still smiling. “Well, like you said I do get a warm feeling, like all my circuits are going to short out, but I’m so comfortable at the same time. Like I belong somewhere finally.” He glanced carefully over at Garnet. I was right! “I just worry maybe it’s just me. How do you know they feel the same way? Is that what flirting is for?”

I smiled softly, also glancing over at Garnet. He was busy making the food that was smelling so good. “That does sound like strong feelings for him, but I’m also clueless when it comes to love. But yeah, flirting helps you see if the other person is interested. Though, with him, let’s stay away from sexual flirting, since he’s not interested in that. I can think of a few now for you to try at dinner, or we could wait until tonight to really discuss it.”

Beau clamped his hands to the side of his face, looking very worried. Fuck. “Oh no. No, no, no. I don’t think I could. Not yet. What if I say something wrong? What if it’s…if he…doesn’t.”

My smile fell away, and I gently took his hands away from his face, rubbing my thumbs along them soothingly. “And what if you say the exact right thing and he asks to marry you now? If you’re gonna think of the worst case scenario, you have to also think of the best case scenario.” I smiled a little. “It’s not something that anyone will get right the first time. Mistakes aren’t the end of the world.”

He froze and finally took a deep breath, nodding. “Okay…okay. I can try. What should I say?”

I smiled encouragingly. “Flirting is generally about the person’s appearance or implying things from what they said. It could be as simple as ‘Garnet, this dinner is as hot as you!’ But that is cheesy, so I’m not sure that will work. He seems to enjoy dumb jokes, since he laughed at mine today. So, actually, he might like the cheesy stuff. So, if you want to go for simple and see how he reacts, maybe start with that. Generally, I base my flirts on responses to what was said before, which is more complicated, but can lead to some fun flirts. If he mentions the temperature again, especially if he mentions it might be too warm, you can agree with him and say it’s steamy in here with him. That’s also a tiny bit more subtle. Let’s see, talking about sleep, you can mention that you want to sleep with him, but maybe make sure to mention that you’re interested in cuddles, since he’s not interested in sex. Does any of that help?”

“I think so…” Beau looked thoughtful before nodding. “I think I can do that!”

“Alright gremlins, dinner’s done. Chess, you want anything particular to drink? I know you said water doesn’t help your fire situation, but is it OK for you to drink? I’ve also got some sodas and sports drinks -they’re kinda fruity.” Beau opened a mouth to say something, but he didn’t, just sinking lower on the couch.

So, I had to help him along. I stood up. “Water sounds good, but I do think Beau’s thirsty too.” I nudged him with a wink.

Garnet grabbed something and paused, turning to us with a frown. “Thirsty? You gotta coolant leak or somethin’ bud?”

Beau drew in a breah, sitting up straighter. “I might. You’re hot enough to burn the place down.” Garnet sputtered, which was a great sign! Beau looked over at me and offered a thumbs up, and I gave him one back with a grin. I mouthed ‘Awesome!’ to him.

Garnet finally got his coughing under control, turning back to us. “Wha-what’d you say?” He was snickering. Good!

“You’re hot!” Beau said louder, and I had to hide a grin behind my hand.

Garnet was certainly grinning. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m fine. Maybe you should ditch the pullover to cool down.” Ooh! And he winked. He wanted Beau to strip!

Beau sank back down on the couch, smearing his hands down his face as he looked over at me. I nodded encouragingly, leaning down to whisper. “You’re doing great! Sounds like he wants to see you just in your t shirt without your hoodie, and that’s very promising.”

“But now I have to go sit over there,” he hissed, but he was smiling. “How do you do this? Doesn’t it make you anxious?”

“Oh hell yeah, it did when I was trying it with Ives. But I could do it, so you can too!” I grinned and pulled him up and helped him take off the hoodie.

“Ives can flirt?” he wheezed. “Ives??”

I shook my head. “No, I was doing the flirting really.” I pulled him over to the bar, and he shuffled over to the far bar stool.

Garnet handed me the bowl of food that smelled so amazing, as he looked over at Beau. “You’re wearing the Penguins’ tee I got you.” He leaned on the counter, grinning. “Looks good. Right, Chess?”

I sat down on the barstool two down from Beau, to let Garnet sit next to him if he wanted. “Yeah, he looks nice, doesn’t he? Do you know where that shirt would look even better?”

“I could think of a few places.” Garnet propped his chin on a hand. Oh yeah. He totally wanted Beau to strip.

“Your food is getting cold!” Beau blurted. “You don’t want the meal to go to waste, and bacteria begins to grow at 135 degrees. You don’t want food poisoning do you?”

Garnet chuckled, grabbing his own bowl and moving around to sit between us. Yes! “I am glad to see you like it.” He placed a hand on Beau’s back, sweeping it across his shoulders. But then he turned his attention to me. Damn. “So, tell me what you think. Is it good, or is it good? I tried not to make it too spicy.”

I couldn’t help but grin when Beau mumbled from behind his hands. “Yeah, good, since you’re hot enough.”

I finally took a bite, having been distracted by Beau’s flirting efforts, which were amazing, by the way. And…holy shit. How did anyone get anything done when there was amazing food like this? “This is amazing! Thank you! But I’m good with more spice next time.”

“Told you I could cook. I’m more than just a pretty face.” Garnet nudged Beau, who curled up a little. “Well, have as much as you want. I hate putting away leftovers. Once we’re done I’ll drag out some blankets for you guys, get a pallet going.”

“I can get them.” Beau tried to stand, but Garnet pressed on his shoulder.

“Oh no, buddy. You’re committed to the bit now.” He laughed, getting Beau to sit back down before he turned to me. “So, I sent out a few emails today, and I was just checking my inbox making dinner, and I might have a few leads on getting you an internship at a few places. I got a dog daycare, a receptionist at a vet’s office, and a pet walking place. Now, you don’t have to commit to anything right now. I let them know it might be a second, but I wanted you to know you’ve got some options so far.” He started on his meal.

I smiled. I could actually get a job? Really? “Thank you so much. I’ve never had a job before, but I’ll work hard. I’ll need to discuss the options before I can decide though.”

“Absolutely, and take your time. No sense in rushing into things if you’re not ready. We’ll get you familiar with things around here first, but thought you should know you’re in high demand.” He chuckled. “Think you’re gonna do great, kid.”

Oh shit. I had to look away as tears blurred my vision, and I ate some bites to give me some time to pull myself together. I just…had never thought I’d have this…friendship? And it was better than I even imagined. “Thank you. You’re amazing.” I sniffled, and I needed to help Beau, and maybe I could distract. “Doesn’t…doesn’t Beau look so handsome?”

“Of course he is.” Garnet chuckled. “Don’t call him the Beautician for nothing.” He nudged Beau with his shoulder before reaching over him for his charger. “Alright, alright, here, before you short out or something.” He helped connect the charger to Beau’s neck before ruffling his hair. “You two better not stay up too late in here. You don’t wanna be too tired when Ives shows up.” Garnet finished his meal and got up, bringing it to the sink. “I’ll grab some blankets and pillows.”

I smiled. “Thank you!” Once Garnet left the room, I scooted over to Beau to whisper. “You did awesome! Do you want to ask him for cuddles tonight?”

“I don’t know if my systems could take it.” He wheezed a laugh, pushing hair from his face. “Just the idea of only a hug right now almost makes me overload. And, besides, I can’t leave you out here on your own. That wouldn’t be fair. It can be scary to be in a new place by yourself.” He smiled and sat a little straighter. “I have to charge anyway and I usually do that out here.”

I nodded. “Okay. Whatever you want. But you did great!” I nudged him playfully, grinning.

He giggled and glanced over at Garnet as he walked back in the room with tons of blankets. They looked so comfy! I hurried and finished my meal as he set them down. “I’ve got more if this isn’t enough. Just let me know.” He nudged the couch, and Beau got up and helped him move it to the wall so they could spread out the blankets in several layers. Garnet left and came back with tons of pillows, and I just stared. This was going to be so comfortable! Beau and Garnet finished up the pallet, and Garnet whispered something to Beau, mussing his hair.

Garnet squeezed his shoulder and went to the windows, closing the blinds, making it nice and dark inside. He went back to the kitchen and started cleaning up. “So, you stayed the night with Ives last night? What was that like? He say more than two words?”

My cheeks burned as I got up and handed my plate to Garnet. “Yes, he was nice. He washed my clothes, while I wore some of his. And those clothes swallowed me.” I laughed a little, hating how flustered I sounded. “He let me sleep in his bed with him since I didn’t want to be alone, and Niner slept on the bed too. He was very sweet.”

“Get out.” Garnet froze for a moment before taking my plate. “The fuckin’ tinman has a bed?” He chuckled, shaking his head. “Well, good, he better be sweet. I know a recycling facility I could probably make a year’s rent if he wasn’t…Really didn’t think he had it in him, if I’m honest. He’s always been a little…” He paused, frowning. “Closed off. Uh, separated.” He waved a hand in front of his face. “Was worse when he first showed up, but, I guess he was too.” He motioned to Beau with the dish brush. “But good, he better keep it up.”

Huh. I hadn’t gotten that impression of him at all. “He didn’t seem that way to me. He asked questions and helped reassure me when I didn’t feel good about myself. And when I had a nightmare…” My cheeks burned. “He comforted me.”

“You have trouble sleeping too, huh?” Garnet glanced up at me. “I would’ve lost money on that bet. Ives just, I dunno, he changed after he went to breaching. But what do I know, I haven’t talked to him since. I’m glad he’s softening up. And he better keep it up. Sounds like you might be good for him.”

My cheeks burned worse. I could help him? “I’m sorry that happened. And yeah, I get nightmares too easily, and it’s hard for me to go to sleep afterwards.”

Garnet waved away what I first said. “Don’t apologize. It’s nothing you did. Ives is good at what he does, and I know he’s good at, well, it’s easy to feel safe when he’s around. Got that bodyguard vibe to him.” He chuckled. “Maybe you’ll bring him back around. But I feel you about the nightmares. If it happens tonight don’t feel like you can’t come get me. I’m up half the time anyway.”

I nodded, coming up with an idea. “Thank you. I might take you up on that offer. And maybe if Beau’s up, I’ll bring him along for cuddles.” I winked, a smirk pulling at my lips.

“Ha.” He looked down at the sink, but I noticed the color on the bridge of his nose. He was totally interested! “Yeah, doesn’t sound like a bad idea. But I’m serious. Nightmares are ugly. I’m just down the hall, for anything really.”

I nodded. “Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate it.”

Clean up didn’t take much longer, and once everything was ready, Beau plugged in his charger closer to the pallet and snuggled up in the blankets up to his nose. And I snuggled in the blankets too. This was so comfy. I would never want to leave.

“G’night gremlins,” Garnet called when he left for his room.

“Goodnight Garnet,” Beau called back, sounding a little muffled.

“Good night!” I called too. And then I rolled over and snuggled close to Beau, keeping my voice low. “You know, I’ve confirmed that Garnet is very interested in cuddles with you.”

“Does he?” Beau smiled. “I was hoping so. I think I’d like cuddles. You humans are so warm. It’s comfortable.”

I nodded. Cuddles were the best. “So, when you feel up to it, don’t feel worried about asking. He’s interested in you too.”

He scooted closer, resting his head against mine. My breath hitched, and I snuggled my face into his neck. “Thank you, Chess.” He fell quiet, and I closed my eyes, feeling so safe as I fell asleep.

Rough hands grabbed me, and I screamed as I was pulled up, hoisted up enough that I couldn’t get my feet on the ground. I flailed, unsure if this was a nightmare or what was really happening, and someone slapped a hand over my mouth. I tried to kick and struggle, but I wasn’t able to connect as more people grabbed my arms, mumbling things to each other as I didn’t register what they said, just trying to get free.

I couldn’t tell who was holding me, but my eyes found Beau, and…I knew this wasn’t a nightmare. I stared at him as tears streaked down my cheeks. I couldn’t fight on my own.

Beau did tackle one of them, but then he fell, curling up on himself. I stared and more tears streaked down my cheeks. They were going to hurt him. I…I couldn’t let that happen. I wasn’t worth it.

The person who first grabbed me leaned forward to whisper in my ear. “Make a sound, try and fight and he gets wiped.” I stared at Beau. I couldn’t let that happen. “One pull of the trigger and he’s gone. You want that?”

I shook my head, falling still and not making a noise. Beau made a series of clicks, and a sob wracked my body. It was all my fault. Why did I think that I could be happy? I was always an experiment. I had just been endangering them being near them.

They drug me toward the door, and I let them. “You try and run and we’ll shut down the IV5 unit too. C’mon.” The person who had hurt Beau followed as they pulled me out of the apartment and outside to a car. They shoved me in, crowding in after me and pressing me against the opposite door as they put cuffs on my wrist and started taking measurements of my arm. The car sped off, and I was getting farther away from the only friends I had ever known. The person in the passenger seat handed the people in the back something that looked like a gun, but when they pointed it at me, a red light came out of it, and they ran it over my prosthetic arm. I just leaned against the window and curled in on myself, barely listening to what they were saying about my prosthetic. There wasn’t anything I could do. I…I was forever an experiment.

“Take a blood sample so we can get this expedited back to the lab. We can get more later if need be.”

That made me tense as my breathing sped up. Needles. Anything but needles. I coughed up some smoke as tears streaked down my cheeks. “What…what do you want from me?”

The man next to me sneered. “We need to know where this tech came from. Who gave it to you? We took readings from IV5’s archives and it’s nothing known to man. Where did you get it? Where?”

I just stayed quiet. He hadn’t threatened me or anyone else, so I wasn’t about to tell him shit.

He looked up front. “Understands and speaks English.” He reached over and pressed my forehead back, and my skin crawled as he stared at me. “Eye color is inhuman, not contacts. Expelling smoke, mostly likely stress induced.”

“Possibly another extraterrestrial contact?” someone from the front asked.

“Possibly. Unless we have modified aspects or genetics. But a blood sample should tell us what we need to know.” He pressed his glasses up his bandaged nose, and oh. I just now recognized him as the bastard who had been so mean to Ives. I glared back at him as he continued. “This is for breaking my nose.”

I clenched my jaw. “I’d love to break your nose again, you bastard.”

“Try it and I’ll let them know to scramble IV5. We can easily reprogram him, same as he was, just without any memory of you. Maybe see if we can play around and make him hostile.” He shrugged, holding me still as a rough hand grabbed my left arm so he could take the sample. I squeezed my eyes shut at the sight of the needle, starting to hyperventilate, but I stayed as still as I could. I couldn’t let them hurt Ives.

“There you go. You’re kinda smart, aren’t you?”

“We’re coming up on the tunnel. Go ahead and sedate her to make admission easy. We don’t want her causing a scene and getting doctors involved. Not until we can bring them some goods.” More needle pricks, and I couldn’t help but sob.

I felt dizzy, even sound getting muffled. “Make note there’s a hardening of the dermis around contact of the modifications. Possibly reaching beyond the first points of contact. Leave to study later…” I welcomed the unconsciousness when it swallowed me.

#tw needles #writeblr #fire and steel #no editing

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ohmytomorrowisthursday · 2 years ago

Text

Until I Fall - Part Three

Levi Ackerman x Fem Reader.

Eventual romance but this is a slow burn, definitely angsty and darker. It will also focus a lot on Hange, Erwin and the original scouts. Eren and the 104th training corps will be around but I’m focusing on the older characters in here. Your self insert name is ‘Azeria Becker’ pronouns She/Her/Hers. Using a name because don’t like using ‘y/n’.

Cannon universe. I wrote this for myself but I hope that you enjoy it, too lol <3

As you stood in front of Levi on that final day, you couldnt help but remember every last moment of your time in the scouts. How had you gone from that scrawny young rookie trying to fight titans to Erwin’s right-hand soldier who overthrew the government and was about to charge to your death? It was never fair, you’d never get enough time together. Standing before him, his eyes full of the sadness of the truth, it hurt too much to say Goodbye, don’t forget me. I’ll love you forever, so instead you said the only word that you could manage to speak; Survive.

cw: imagine literally every awful/gory thing that happens in SNK. Death, violence and gore. Drinking, sex.

You can find all chapters here. Or, if you prefer it the wattpad version here

The year was 844.

The first time you had ever heard of Levi Ackerman was when you were still in Training Corps. Everyone was talking about the three criminals that they had let join the Scouts while the rest of the soldiers had to endure years of hard training. Everyone was annoyed. “What makes them better than us Azeria?” Ilse groaned one day to you during lunch, “I mean, we’ve been working towards this for years and they let them in- just like that? It’s not right.”

You swallowed a big bite of yam. “I’d just like to see how good they really are if they’re not going through training.”

“Mmmhmm!” Ilse agreed, as she ate her food.

“And,” you added, “I’m going to fight them, too.”

But you’d never get the chance. Two of the new recruits were killed on the 23rd expedition outside of the walls. The third member of the squad was the lone survivor. He killed two ten metres and one abnormal on his first expedition. He was the lone survivor of his entire squadron.

A few months later your training was over and you joined the Scouts, second highest in the class only to Ilse. On your first day in the dining hall you searched for the short, dark haired man that you’d heard of. You finally found him, sitting next to Hange. He looked like a stone statue; face hardened like a rock with eyes that could kill someone.

Shortly after, the Scouts embarked on the 25th expedition outside of the walls. You had been assigned to the squad riding next to Levi’s. You managed to assist in two kills but watched as Levi single handedly took down four titans. He was faster than anyone you’d ever seen, skilled, sharp and calm. You watched the way he held his blades and enacted spin kills. He killed titans so quickly, so effortlessly. How? You felt so weak; after all of this time, all of your training, you were nothing but fodder next to him.

When you got back, you had lost nearly fifty of the 300 Scouts. Many of them trained along side you; they were your friends. You couldn’t understand how so many were lost on these expeditions until you finally left the walls. There was no way that humanity was ready to fight these monsters. They always seemed to win, and after so many years of fighting it seemed like no one knew anything about them. You were helpless. It felt like too much to bear. You had lost friends, soldiers, people who had families waiting at home. Commander Shadis rode at the front of the pack, emotionless, hardened. You wondered when it would be your turn to turn into them too.

Early the next morning you went to a wooded clearing with your ODM gear. There needed to be a way to catch up to Levi’s movements; you wouldn’t let what happened yesterday to ever happen again. You’d be the best fighter in the world if it meant protecting people. You spent the whole morning trying to mimic his movements, trying to hold the swords in a backward way, spinning and slicing as fast as you could. It was no use. You just weren’t fast enough. You clung to the side of a tree, panting and exhausted from pushing yourself so hard. How did he do it? It was inhuman.

“What are you doing?” A raspy deep voice called out from the far corner of tree shade, you couldn’t make out who it was. “Who’s there?” You called, hopping down to the ground by the voice.

Levi stepped out of the woods into the clearing, bearing the same cold emotionless face he always seemed to wear. He was in his scout uniform, but seeing him without his jacket or cape was strange. He looked a lot smaller now that he was disarmed. He seemed un-phased by the most recent expedition.

“Oh,” You said, trying not to seem embarrassed, “I’m practicing.”

“Hmmmph,” He laughed, “It looks like you’re trying to copy me. Poorly, at that.”

“What? No! I-“ You were flustered and pink in the cheeks. He smirked, amused. It was the first human emotion you had seen on him. “How did you learn to fight like that?”

He flicked a fly away from his shoulder, “A serial killer taught me.”

“…What?” You asked. “Why did you come here?” For a while he paused and stared at you. The sound of the breeze and the birds surrounded you, the trees felt like a wall.

“I heard noises coming from here and thought someone was hurt. I didn’t expect to see some brat tangled up in ODM gear. What’s your name?” He finally spoke to you. “Azeria Becker,” you said. “And you are Levi Ackerman, right?”

He nodded, “Mmm. I saw you fighting in the squad next to me yesterday. Not bad for your first time out. But you can’t hesitate so much.”

“Thank you,” You said, rubbing the back of your neck. You felt shy, and you didn’t understand why.

"You look old to be a new recruit," He stated. It was true, you werent a kid like most of the trainees. "I'm eighteen. I worked as a mechanic for my family before I decided to join." His faced changed to annoyance or boredom, and he turned to walk away, waving you a careless goodbye, "Welcome to the scouts, kid."

“-Wait!” You called out, reaching for his shoulder. When you touched him he looked disgusted at your hands. “What?” He replied back.

“Teach me how to fight like you.” He paused, looking at you with is cold grey eyes, they seemed more tired now that you stood closer to him. You realized this was the closest you’d ever been to him, which made you blush. He was just a man. But even still, he was just as intimidating. So this is what the best scout in history looks like. You wanted to be like him so badly.

“Tsk. I wont,” He finally shot. You let out a defeated breath. You didn’t realize how much you were hoping he’d say yes to your request. “Why not?” You asked, crossing your arms. Now he was pissing you off.

“Because, you can’t fight like me. I learned to fight out in the real world; you learned to fight in training camps with other brats who have never had to put their life on the line. It’s not the same. You will never be able to do what I can do because you don’t have my experience,” He looked so un-phased by saying such mean things to you. You weren’t a brat. Your face began to feel red with tears. He stepped closer to you, tightening his focus on your face.

“I can’t teach you how to fight like me,” He said, this time quieter. “But I can help you better yourself.”

You paused, eyes widened. “Y-you will?” Why did he make you so nervous? He looked out into the trees and brushed his dark hair out of his face. “Tsk. Why not. I can’t have a bunch of rookies holding us back.”

“Thank you!” Your eyes were wide and you couldn’t hold your excitement in. He rolled his.

Faster than you could blink, he suddenly pulled a knife on you, holding it inches from your face before you could catch his arm with yours. You were shocked. Looking into his eyes he still held the same calm face. Your heart was beating in your chest. “Rule one; never let your guard down. Be prepared to fight. Losing focus is the difference between saving one of your soldiers and dying.”

He pulled his hand away and slid the blade back into his harness, pulling out a handkerchief to wipe his arm where you grabbed him. “We meet back here tomorrow morning. And clean your uniform you look like shit.”

With that, he walked off, leaving you alone in the clearing. The afternoon sun sent rays through the trees and all that was left was your heart thumping in your years, still shocked from the fact that Levi had just threatened you with a knife. You couldn’t stop thinking about his eyes and their blade-cutting stare. You needed to prove that you were worthy to fight along him. You needed to prove it to yourself.

chapter four here

#aot fandom #attack on titan #levi ackerman #levi aot #shingeki no kyojin #levi x reader #levi attack on titan #levi heichou #levi fanfiction #aot fanfiction #attack on titan fanfiction #snk fanfiction

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