#and those are just a few examples

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

I love when one batfam member gets hurt in some way and the rest of them just fucking lose it on the people responsible

[radiant-system]

I don’t think pluralphobes actually understand anything at all. Nope most of us don’t think we’re plural because we have thoughts. Nothing about my thoughts changing to actually be in words made me think I was plural lmao

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[baby-girl-aaron-dessner]

Swifties are speaking out on Taylor Swift’s silence on the Palestinian Genocide

[naamahdarling]

You know what? You know what I think?

I think that if we lived as we were meant to, in larger intimate ("extended family") groups and with more shared labor and time to do it (UBI NOW) people like me would not feel so useless and burdensome because there would be people around to help and to do what neurodivergent people can't while making valuable space for the neurodivergent to do what they ARE good at.

The way we live right now, all right, the way we live right now forces units of two adults to be able to do EVERYTHING or PAY to have someone come do it for them. I have to do the housework. I have to do it! But I am having to do a million different things and most of them I am not good at. I suck at them.

I wouldn't feel like shit, okay, if I had more than one other person around who was not a child and who could do the things I can't, like do the yard and cook and do repairs and basic maintenance; and someone else to split everything else that I like but is too much for me. It would free me to do what I am good at and enjoy. Cleaning, as in the sink and toilet, the windows, the blinds. Taking out trash. Folding, hanging, and sorting laundry.

But because all the shit I can do often relies on other shit being done first, and I can't do or have trouble doing those things, the shit I can do often can't be done. And even the shit I can do, I can't do ALL of it. So I can't keep up, and things get very bad.

We aren't meant to live like this. We are not meant to live like this.

That thought hurts so much because being able to flee the birth family is integral to survival for so many people. I'm so afraid that living in larger family groups would create more opportunities for, say, queer kids to be isolated, rejected, bullied, and abused. But if we gave people enough money to survive, and stopped considering children the property of their parents with no system in place to help them escape bad situations except a system that is often just as bad, just different.

I'm aware that communes and collectives aren't all that successful and are kind of a joke. I don't mean that. I mean a fundamental shift to multigenerational families where taking in "strays" (which my family did) is also normalized so people escaping abuse into existing households was accepted, with these families centered in maybe a couple of different larger residences so not everyone has to buy and maintain their own fucking washing machine and vacuum cleaner, and so people can benefit from large group meals that yield leftovers, and so child and elder care can also be centralized.

Then disabled people and the neurodivergent and sick and injured people, and pregnant people, and grieving people, would not have to either labor through all those stressors or consign themselves to living off an unlivable pittance or being put under legal guardianship.

I'm not saying anything new. People live like this in other parts of the world and maybe it sucks and I am wrong. But I'm just really mad right now because I can either do laundry or clean the sink but not both, and I really think we could improve society somewhat by making it so I did not have to choose one without sacrificing the other.

[mariatesstruther]

okay but sarah celebrating tommy every year for mother’s day

[saints-who-never-existed]

Always delighting in the sheer amount of smooth and very natural exposition we get in those early scenes, actually.

The "What rank is that dog?" scene introduces us to several ranks and rules onboard - who everyone is, where they can and can't go, etc.

We get further context on JCR, too, when they speak of naming the new strait for him. We've seen him already, have heard him addressed by name, and know that he's connected to the Expedition somehow, but mentioning him again cements that connection even further.

There's also a nod to Sir John's previous Arctic experience mentioned early on by Strong at dinner.

SO much information packed in about who these people are, where they are, and how they got there.

[0harpies]

Kinda random but i hate when you revisit roblox games you used to adore and it's just filled to the brim with emo people emoting in silence or saying "." And theyre just "hanging out" in one specific area instead of having fun playing the whole game

[bennie0315]

Can I just say, the way TV shows work now is so disheartening. I just read an article about another queer show being cancelled after one season and it's just really sad. There's no more of just shows coming out on TV, or other services , being not so popular at first but then at like season 3 they get immensely popular or maybe they don't but they're still loved by a group of people even if it isn't the biggest crowd. There are so many shows that you definitely have heard of that were not the most popular when the first season came out, for example the office didn't peak till like the fifth season, breaking bad gained popularity just before the fourth season, and game of thrones peaked at about season five. I haven't watched any of those but they are some of the most popular TV shows I can think of and so imagine if they had been cancelled after one season?? just because they hadn't quite reached a zillion views yet.

I was watching this lovely show called night sky on amazon prime, It was a refreshing and original Sci fi show choosing to follow two older protagonists rather than a young couple. And I thought that was awesome and I really was enjoying this show, till it ended on a cliff hanger and then I found out there was never going to be a second season.

No more hidden gems, no more chances for shows to build up a plot and an audience over time just one season and if it doesn't get stranger things big then it's over, doesn't matter how much story was planned out or how much is left unsaid. Sometimes they get more than one season but often they still never get to finish their story.

So many shows potential for representation and great stories are thrown down the drain when the big boss decides it isn't making them enough money. Because that's just it, it's always about money. Because if it's not making the multimillionaire streaming services richer then what's the point?

Ok rant over.

[13eyond13]

underrated funny thing about lawlight is they never actually did get to confirm that 100% of the time they were basically thinking exactly what the other person thought they were thinking every single time

[completeoveranalysis]

[9]

Watanuki has resolved to make her eat it anyway. 

>:) Lovely. 

Though I find it fascinating the way this problem has played out. The customer presented a problem and even though Watanuki had hints from Yuuko it didn’t make any sense to him until he discussed it with Doumeki. And then they figured it out together.

It feels like it’s signalling that Yuuko doesn’t have much guidance left for Watanuki - or at the very least, he’s finding his own way of figuring out problems in a way that makes more sense to him.

Which is good in the way that Yuuko was always limited in the kind of help she could give, because outright giving any answers would always come with a cost that she didn’t want Watanuki to pay. But we’ve entered the zone where Watanuki doesn’t need to rely on her hints as much and will figure things out naturally using his own methods. 

So that's good! But on the other hand I would like to keep Yuuko forever. 

I want it officially noted that this conversation between Watanuki and Doumeki lasted for ELEVEN PAGES before there was even a hint of faux outrage!

Eleven pages of solid conversation before Watanuki remembered that he pretends to hate Doumeki!

This is very fun knowledge for all people who are me.

Conspiracy! 

We love Mokona’s foresight and subtle manipulations to get more snacks. (And to get Watanuki to talk to Doumeki)

But even more than that we love Doumeki’s open concern for Watanuki’s wellbeing and double checking whether he can safely be here! 

OOPS nope I misinterpreted that, it wasn’t that at all. It was Doumeki double checking to see if this was the best course of action as far as the mystery was involved. He wonders whether Yuuko could have given him better help. 

But I have preemptively talked all the way through that idea so I’m glad I picked up on that undercurrent correctly!

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

spop fans criticize authors like j.k rowling for declaring characters' sexualities offscreen, instead of showing it onscreen. but then they praise the crew-ra for lgbt and poc representation when more than half of those things were "confirmed" offscreen.

[hdusa]

are the songs on your playlist mostly for specific seasons/eras/moments or are they mostly more general songs for the overall character? what are your favorites and why?

in the spirit of recent events these are the songs I put on after every stream to really feel everything that happens

[freakinator]

i wwonder if ls has always resulted in arguments about metastory or if it started in s4

[superbellsubways]

ttyd is awesome. someone could be at their absolute worst and then some random italian guy shows up out of nowhere and changes their entire life for the better