#and those are just a few examples
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batfam-stuff-posts-0 · 1 month ago
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I love when one batfam member gets hurt in some way and the rest of them just fucking lose it on the people responsible
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the-radiants · 4 months ago
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I don’t think pluralphobes actually understand anything at all. Nope most of us don’t think we’re plural because we have thoughts. Nothing about my thoughts changing to actually be in words made me think I was plural lmao
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giantkillerjack · 1 year ago
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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baby-girl-aaron-dessner · 5 months ago
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Swifties are speaking out on Taylor Swift’s silence on the Palestinian Genocide
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naamahdarling · 2 months ago
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You know what? You know what I think?
I think that if we lived as we were meant to, in larger intimate ("extended family") groups and with more shared labor and time to do it (UBI NOW) people like me would not feel so useless and burdensome because there would be people around to help and to do what neurodivergent people can't while making valuable space for the neurodivergent to do what they ARE good at.
The way we live right now, all right, the way we live right now forces units of two adults to be able to do EVERYTHING or PAY to have someone come do it for them. I have to do the housework. I have to do it! But I am having to do a million different things and most of them I am not good at. I suck at them.
I wouldn't feel like shit, okay, if I had more than one other person around who was not a child and who could do the things I can't, like do the yard and cook and do repairs and basic maintenance; and someone else to split everything else that I like but is too much for me. It would free me to do what I am good at and enjoy. Cleaning, as in the sink and toilet, the windows, the blinds. Taking out trash. Folding, hanging, and sorting laundry.
But because all the shit I can do often relies on other shit being done first, and I can't do or have trouble doing those things, the shit I can do often can't be done. And even the shit I can do, I can't do ALL of it. So I can't keep up, and things get very bad.
We aren't meant to live like this. We are not meant to live like this.
That thought hurts so much because being able to flee the birth family is integral to survival for so many people. I'm so afraid that living in larger family groups would create more opportunities for, say, queer kids to be isolated, rejected, bullied, and abused. But if we gave people enough money to survive, and stopped considering children the property of their parents with no system in place to help them escape bad situations except a system that is often just as bad, just different.
I'm aware that communes and collectives aren't all that successful and are kind of a joke. I don't mean that. I mean a fundamental shift to multigenerational families where taking in "strays" (which my family did) is also normalized so people escaping abuse into existing households was accepted, with these families centered in maybe a couple of different larger residences so not everyone has to buy and maintain their own fucking washing machine and vacuum cleaner, and so people can benefit from large group meals that yield leftovers, and so child and elder care can also be centralized.
Then disabled people and the neurodivergent and sick and injured people, and pregnant people, and grieving people, would not have to either labor through all those stressors or consign themselves to living off an unlivable pittance or being put under legal guardianship.
I'm not saying anything new. People live like this in other parts of the world and maybe it sucks and I am wrong. But I'm just really mad right now because I can either do laundry or clean the sink but not both, and I really think we could improve society somewhat by making it so I did not have to choose one without sacrificing the other.
#im feverish feeling (not a real fever just malaise that i have no other way to describe) from the IBS (which can affect you like that#)#and i don't actually want to do ANYTHING#i would have to even living with others but it would be easier#at the very least i wouldn't have had to clean the microwave earlier which is hard because my arms are like the size of a meerkat's#and i can only reach the back with my fingertips#where is my BF in all this?#WORKING FULL TIME WITH BACK PAIN#yes i AM going to want him to have to do as little as possible when he comes home#he's neurodivergent too and struggles with the same shit#it's all a mess#we are doing way better i didn't realize how deep a drain three very sick cats were#but there's still only two of us#if you are disabled physically OR MENTALLY you should at least get in-home household help once a week or so#there's places that do that but the limitations are usually severe and always rule me out#because im not single im not an elder im not a veteran and im not physically disabled#if we have to ration that sort of thing i can see how on the whole it is more caring to allocate those resources to for example elders#but the fact that i celebrate what help there is doesn't mean i don't get mad that more people can't access it#is2g if i was functional enough snd physically sound enough i would start a charity that did intervention cleaning for people like us#who have fallen behind and can't catch up but can MAINTAIN#and who helped people clean for a few months during and after an illness pregnancy trauma major loss etc. so they could stay on their feet
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mariatesstruther · 9 months ago
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okay but sarah celebrating tommy every year for mother’s day
#who needs a mommy when you got a tommy#the first time shes does this its preschool teacher maria’s idea#shes four and mothers day is coming up and its usually a hard time for her so joel lets maria know just in case she has any behavioral issue#miss maria is like 🫡 i gotchu#she makes sure to emphasize to the kids that families are all different#they spend every day of may leading up to mother day reading books exploring diversity in families and talking about what mom really means#that it doesnt have to be the person who had you in their tummy or a girl or even a person we call mom#for example miss maria’s real mommy wasnt so nice growing up so miss marias TRUE mommy is just her daddy and her auntie rose#because those are the people that loved her no matter what and kept her safe and taken care of and fed#thats all mom is#it just means someone thats there for you every day and loves you and cares for you#someone who is one of your favorite people and who would say the same about you#all the kids go around and say who they think are their moms#mosy say some iteration of ‘mommy’ and ‘mama’ or ‘grammy’#but then baby ellie says ‘tess and auntie marlene’#and baby sarah says ‘uncle thommy’#one of the other littles says ‘daddy and miss maria’ 😭#and they all make heart cards for their mommy firgures#they cant write or really read anything but a few letters yet#(even though hyperlexic baby sarah does have pretty incredible letter recognition for her age)#so they tell miss maria what to write on their cards and then decorate with oil pastels#sarah’s says dear uncle tommy thank you for being my mommy you are so funny and i love when we play horsey and princesses. happy mommy day#when he picks her up at the end of the day shes like HI MOMMMMM all giggly and hes like ????? hi???? whats this???? OPEN IT OPEN IT OPEN IT#and when he does and read it he literally drops to his knees to hug her and cry#because theres really nothing more precious than his little angel his baby his best girl#thats tommys DAUGHTER DO YALL UNDERSTAND??????#miss maria watching them from the cubbies like: godDAMN theyre so cute#the next day tommy brings her a oat milk chai from her favorite coffee shop as a thank you because it meant a lot to him and shes like ????#how did u know???? and hes like my brother and you ran into each other there last week yeah? he told me abt it i asked for your order#and shes like ���🥰🫠 thanks
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st-peculiar · 3 months ago
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I’ve just had this really specific vision of post canon Doug Eiffel being a mechanic. Maybe even though his memories were drained from him, the movements of repair are still familiar, and I think it would also add something to his characterization once he’s back in earth with the others. I’m gonna think about this some more and come back to this post in a bit
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saints-who-never-existed · 4 months ago
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Always delighting in the sheer amount of smooth and very natural exposition we get in those early scenes, actually.
The "What rank is that dog?" scene introduces us to several ranks and rules onboard - who everyone is, where they can and can't go, etc.
We get further context on JCR, too, when they speak of naming the new strait for him. We've seen him already, have heard him addressed by name, and know that he's connected to the Expedition somehow, but mentioning him again cements that connection even further.
There's also a nod to Sir John's previous Arctic experience mentioned early on by Strong at dinner.
SO much information packed in about who these people are, where they are, and how they got there.
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bennie0315 · 7 months ago
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Can I just say, the way TV shows work now is so disheartening. I just read an article about another queer show being cancelled after one season and it's just really sad. There's no more of just shows coming out on TV, or other services , being not so popular at first but then at like season 3 they get immensely popular or maybe they don't but they're still loved by a group of people even if it isn't the biggest crowd. There are so many shows that you definitely have heard of that were not the most popular when the first season came out, for example the office didn't peak till like the fifth season, breaking bad gained popularity just before the fourth season, and game of thrones peaked at about season five. I haven't watched any of those but they are some of the most popular TV shows I can think of and so imagine if they had been cancelled after one season?? just because they hadn't quite reached a zillion views yet.
I was watching this lovely show called night sky on amazon prime, It was a refreshing and original Sci fi show choosing to follow two older protagonists rather than a young couple. And I thought that was awesome and I really was enjoying this show, till it ended on a cliff hanger and then I found out there was never going to be a second season.
No more hidden gems, no more chances for shows to build up a plot and an audience over time just one season and if it doesn't get stranger things big then it's over, doesn't matter how much story was planned out or how much is left unsaid. Sometimes they get more than one season but often they still never get to finish their story.
So many shows potential for representation and great stories are thrown down the drain when the big boss decides it isn't making them enough money. Because that's just it, it's always about money. Because if it's not making the multimillionaire streaming services richer then what's the point?
Ok rant over.
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0harpies · 4 months ago
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Kinda random but i hate when you revisit roblox games you used to adore and it's just filled to the brim with emo people emoting in silence or saying "." And theyre just "hanging out" in one specific area instead of having fun playing the whole game
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13eyond13 · 1 year ago
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underrated funny thing about lawlight is they never actually did get to confirm that 100% of the time they were basically thinking exactly what the other person thought they were thinking every single time
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completeoveranalysis · 4 months ago
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[9]
Watanuki has resolved to make her eat it anyway. 
>:) Lovely. 
Though I find it fascinating the way this problem has played out. The customer presented a problem and even though Watanuki had hints from Yuuko it didn’t make any sense to him until he discussed it with Doumeki. And then they figured it out together.
It feels like it’s signalling that Yuuko doesn’t have much guidance left for Watanuki - or at the very least, he’s finding his own way of figuring out problems in a way that makes more sense to him.
Which is good in the way that Yuuko was always limited in the kind of help she could give, because outright giving any answers would always come with a cost that she didn’t want Watanuki to pay. But we’ve entered the zone where Watanuki doesn’t need to rely on her hints as much and will figure things out naturally using his own methods. 
So that's good! But on the other hand I would like to keep Yuuko forever. 
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I want it officially noted that this conversation between Watanuki and Doumeki lasted for ELEVEN PAGES before there was even a hint of faux outrage!
Eleven pages of solid conversation before Watanuki remembered that he pretends to hate Doumeki!
This is very fun knowledge for all people who are me.
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Conspiracy! 
We love Mokona’s foresight and subtle manipulations to get more snacks. (And to get Watanuki to talk to Doumeki)
But even more than that we love Doumeki’s open concern for Watanuki’s wellbeing and double checking whether he can safely be here! 
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OOPS nope I misinterpreted that, it wasn’t that at all. It was Doumeki double checking to see if this was the best course of action as far as the mystery was involved. He wonders whether Yuuko could have given him better help. 
But I have preemptively talked all the way through that idea so I’m glad I picked up on that undercurrent correctly!
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mellotronmkll · 30 days ago
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spop-romanticizes-abuse · 8 months ago
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spop fans criticize authors like j.k rowling for declaring characters' sexualities offscreen, instead of showing it onscreen. but then they praise the crew-ra for lgbt and poc representation when more than half of those things were "confirmed" offscreen.
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hdusa · 6 months ago
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are the songs on your playlist mostly for specific seasons/eras/moments or are they mostly more general songs for the overall character? what are your favorites and why?
in the spirit of recent events these are the songs I put on after every stream to really feel everything that happens
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superbellsubways · 4 months ago
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ttyd is awesome. someone could be at their absolute worst and then some random italian guy shows up out of nowhere and changes their entire life for the better
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