#and this whole thing is a nonsensical stretch that I nonetheless love

[wildflower-otome]

[Translation] Clover no Kuni no Alice ~Promise Red~ Light Novel - Chapter 1

Writer: Sana Shirakawa Artist: 文月ナナ Summary: Sequel to White Calling. By arrangement with the Boss of the Hatter Family, Blood Dupre, Alice is now living temporarily at Heart Castle until the Assembly period is over. However, for some reason, the Prime Minister, the White Rabbit Peter, is behaving strangely and suddenly starts to avoid Alice….. Despite not knowing what he’s thinking, her feelings for him continue to grow—In the midst of their estrangement, what fate does the bewildered Alice choose!?

ACT 1 – What awaited after falling was a white rose

Ever since she had come to this world, she had thought she had already become pretty used to its complete lack of common sense.

It was the case for everyone that lived at the Mansion where she had been staying up until now. A fickle Mafia Boss who was always drinking an excessive amount of tea. A large rabbit who was always craving orange coloured food.  Innocent gatekeepers who loved sharp, pointed objects. Servants who were all equipped with guns. No matter how you looked at it, their behaviour was the furthest thing from what Alice took to be common sense.

However, if one were to continually experience such nonsensicality, you would eventually become accustomed to it. In that sense, Alice had thought that she was fairly adaptable…..though that was both a good and bad thing, to her mind.

That she was becoming gradually less surprised at this situation every time it happened, probably wasn’t good though.

‘Hey, why are you in my bed again…..Vivaldi?’

‘…..Hu-…..ahh? “Why” is rather a cold question, is it not, Alice? As fellow women, there is nothing wrong with us sleeping together, is there?’

‘Now wait just a moment, this is my room after all…..although I am staying here for free.’

Anyone would be surprised to dreamily turn over in their sleep, only to find a black-haired beauty comfortably sprawled next to them.

Nonetheless this wasn’t the first time the Queen of Hearts had found her way into Alice’s bed. 

‘It’s fine, is it not? There is no disadvantage for you in it, is there?’

As she drew Alice nearer and hugged her, Vivaldi smelled, as usual, of roses.

Different from the master of the Mansion’s, a dense and somehow alluring scent of flowers emanated from her entire body.

‘No, but even I’d be startled having someone sneak into my bed over and over again-…..not to mention-‘

When she stretched out her arm a little from within Vivaldi’s embrace, and pulled back the sheets….. the head of yet another person appeared.

The short brown hair made a ‘Mmn?’ noise as it turned around. The voice sounded sleepy, but with Alice raising her voice at a close distance, there was no way he was asleep. He was also another person who was perceptive to the presence of others.

‘Why are you here too, Ace-!?’ Don’t tell me you two planned this together-‘

Alice’s tone was harsh as she complained, and Ace gave a bright laugh as he answered.

‘Hm~, it’s a shame, but I wasn’t thinking about getting friendlier with you and her Majesty, you know? I just got lost while I was in the Castle and ended up in this room by coincidence. Hahahaha-‘

‘Do not joke, we would never plan anything with this one. Even if he got down on his knees and begged, you know we would just drive him away, of course? And if he kept being persistent, we would cut off his head.’

The deep displeasure in the Queen’s voice echoing at her back was clear, but for Alice stuck between the two of them, the whole thing was a massive pain.

Since the first Assembly had ended and she had moved to Heart Castle, about twenty time periods had passed. Alice continued to sleep at night as she had before, but just how many more times would she have to experience this when she woke up?

Even if this was a stay officially sanctioned by her household head, Alice didn’t have the kind of whimsicality to be able enjoy a situation like this.

‘Vivaldi. Please let me go already. I’ve got to get up now…..Isn’t this the evening time period you like so much?’

The sky visible from her window had already changed to the vivid colours of twilight. In this world where the weather remained stable, the colour of the sky always indicated which period of time it was.

‘Hm…..so it is, but…..it feels just so comfortable holding you like this. Let us chase away the nuisance, we wish to nap for just a little while longer.’

As the Queen, still hugging Alice, laughed, the Knight who had just been called a nuisance, complained, ‘You’re so mean, Majesty.’

‘…..You guys…..’

Just as she was thinking on how she could escape this impossible situation-

Bang! With a loud noise, the door to the room was opened. 

Alice was startled as there hadn’t been so much as a knock in warning, but the other two didn’t seem too bothered.

‘What is it, White? We are spending time with Alice. Take this knight that doesn’t know when not to interrupt and get back to work.’

‘…..I do not wish to told that by the chief reason there is so much work left unfinished, your Majesty.’

Bathed in the colours of the setting sun, the White Rabbit was sighing as he looked at his superior and coworker.

The red gingham overcoat he wore appeared even more bright red than usual.

Having come right up next to the bed, the Prime Minister of Heart Castle, Peter White, spoke bluntly.

‘Please hurry up and get out of there. You’re causing Alice trouble.’

‘…..How rude, were it not evening, we would have your head. Right, Alice?’

‘It’s fine, Vivaldi. If you’ve got work, you’d better go.’

Alright? As she spoke with a cute tilt of the head, Vivaldi reluctantly got up. The nightwear she wore displayed her soft curves in a way that even Alice, who was of the same sex, was entranced despite herself.

‘Tch-…..We came here to escape from all that bothersome work, but if you say so, we suppose we must return. But, Alice. In the next break period, you will have tea with us, will you not?’

Red fingertips stretched out in a single smooth movement to trace the girl’s jaw, as she caught Alice up in her gaze.

Lightly touching her hand, the girl gave a shy smile. If the tea party was after she had finished her work, Alice had no reason to refuse.

‘Sure. It’s a promise. So, make sure you finish up quickly.’

‘What a naughty child…..You know well how to motivate us.’

Vivaldi had reluctantly come out of the bed, but the remaining intruder had stayed there lying on his side watching them talk.

‘Ace, hurry up and get back to work too. That’s an order.’

 ‘Aw-. But unlike you Majesty, I don’t have any unfinished paperwork to do?’

‘You also had a match scheduled with your subordinates, did you not? You’re in charge of the military, yet you’re always lost, please at least do the work that’s been given to you.’

‘Tch-…..Guess I’ve got no choice.’

Once Vivaldi clicked her fingers, her outfit had changed to that of her usual red dress.

When Alice turned around, Ace was no longer in the bed. He had picked up and put on the coat that had lain discarded on the floor and was now stretching.

‘It’s nice to give everyone some training now and then or they get bored…..perhaps it’s good timing. See you then, Alice.’

Waving goodbye, Ace left the room, following after Vivaldi.

‘…..…..’

‘Ah.’

This left only the White Rabbit and the girl in the middle of her temporary stay over.

‘Um…..thanks, Peter. You helped me out.’

‘Not at all.’

Once she had said her thanks despite feeling awkward, Peter smiled and shook his head.

But the smile he gave was also awkward. He had never smiled that way up until now.

If he had been as before, and Vivaldi and Ace had snuck into Alice’s bedroom, she wondered what would have happened.

‘It’s unfair, Alice! Why are you sleeping with her Majesty and Ace, and not me!? Please sleep with me-!’

Is probably what he would have said as he barged in.

He didn’t even once try to get into the bed. Rather, he was making an effort not to get any closer to Alice than necessary.

Even though up until now he’d always been following her around, causing her trouble.

Alice herself felt bewildered at how restless she felt having him put distance between them.

‘Peter…..um, after this-‘

‘I’m sorry, Alice. I still have other errands I need to-…..’

‘Huh?’

‘I’ll come again. See you then.’

‘W-wait, just a minute, Peter-‘

Without turning to look back at the hand she had stretched out toward him on reflex, he left the room.

‘……….’

The sound of the door closing with a bang echoed strangely loudly across the room.

‘It happened again.’

Peter had been acting distant ever since Alice had come to stay temporarily at Heart Castle. Even though all her visits until now had begun with him saying stalker-ish stuff like, ‘I love you,’ they hadn’t really spoken, outside of exchanging the bare minimum of greetings.

No—it wasn’t just that, each time he saw Alice’s face, it would end with him hurriedly running away. Like he had just now.

‘…..As if you actually plan on coming by later…..’

A room that did not fare unfavourably compared to the one she had at Hatter Mansion.  A bed that had been installed in the empty space that was far too vast. There Alice sat as she drew her knees up against her and sighed.

Despite being the one to say that he would take her home with him even if it was against Alice’s will at Clover Tower.

She didn’t understand why he had so suddenly become aloof. The fact that she felt lonely at not understanding  him only confused her further.

‘…..Peter…..’

What came into her mind was the face of her first love, and the words he had said to her.

—I’m sorry, Alice. I’ve-…..—

She wondered if she would end up hearing the same words from Peter as well.

Had she hurt him in some way? Or perhaps he hated her now.

‘It can’t be, not Peter, of all people…..’

I like you. I love you. You are the only one I love.

The words of love he had repeated again and again. She had heard those romantic lines any number of times up until now, as if he were a broken record. The words she had always let go in one ear and out the other, thinking nothing of them, now felt nostalgic, almost as if she missed hearing them.

‘…..…..’

The one to guide her to this world had been that White Rabbit. It had also been him who had made her drink the bitter medicine and gotten her caught up in the Game.

It had all begun with Peter.

Following her around like a stalker. The things she said never getting through to those long ears. A clean freak, but for all that, indiscriminately wanting to touch her.

‘…..…..’

It had never occurred to her before.

That Peter would ever put space between himself and Alice.

‘Peter.’

—Weren’t you going to stay with me forever?—

Despite the fact they were now living in the same place, he felt even further away than when she had lived in the Hatter’s territory.

She couldn’t help but feel that even the spark she had seen in those red eyes the night she had been attacked now existed only in her memories.

‘Peter.’

A voice that didn’t reach even when she called out to him, and a back that did not turn around to look at her.

Chilled fingertips that were not held.

Alice still didn’t understand what this stinging feeling, like claws digging into her chest, was.

***

‘Lord White, is it? Yes, I believe he should be in his room at this time period.’

Because he was carrying documents from the trial from the time period just before.

One of the castle’s maids readily answered when Alice asked Peter’s whereabouts.

Though she was currently in the half-baked situation of temporarily staying at Heart Castle, while still being a resident of Hatter Mansion, an enemy territory, there was no change in how the maids whom Alice was friendly with treated her. Rather, it was as if they welcomed her presence.

Not only did she have the traits to be liked by the people of this world, but when she was there the Queen was always in a good mood. 

Nevertheless, they weren’t over the top in their treatment of her. When it came to that sort of thing, they were well acquainted with how to maintain an appropriate distance. 

‘I see, thank you. Sorry for interrupting you at your work.’

Alice was a guest, so it didn’t seem right for her to be getting in the way of the maids’ work. When she apologized for making her stop walking, she vigorously shook her head and said, ‘Not at all-! I am very honoured just to be able to talk to you. It makes me happy.’

‘…..Really?’

‘Yes.’

Her face difficult to see, the maid was one of those called the faceless. However, right now, her cheeks looked as if they were tinged a faint red.

‘It’s said that the people of Heart Castle seem heartless, but right now I feel kind of happy.’

She smiled broadly.

The woman wearing the black maid outfit smiled happily as she spoke and nodded.

Outsiders were those who had the special characteristics to be liked by the people of this world. She had, of course, already experienced being liked by people that weren’t role holders.

‘Is that so? But if I interrupt your work too often, I’ll be a bother to you, won’t I?’

‘Of course not- Please don’t worry, call out to me at any time. You would not be a bother at all.’

Laughing a little awkwardly at the maid’s insistence, Alice quietly began to walk.

The place she was headed was the room of the White Rabbit.

It was a place she had been to many times when she had been at Hatter Mansion. However, since she had started staying at Heart Castle, Alice had not yet entered the gingham checkered room.

The reason why was simple. The owner of the room had not invited her there.

 “Alice-. Ah, you’ve come to see me again! I’m so happy. I was just thinking that I wanted to see you, this must be a miracle of love indeed!”

Up until now, when Alice had visited the Castle, he had often brought her into his room while saying things like that. She had been resistant at first, but halfway through had given up, realising it was futile.

Peter’s face as he gazed at Alice as she rambled on about whatever came to mind seemed so happy you would not think he was the same Prime Minister of Heart Castle infamous for his cold-heartedness. Even if the things she talked about didn’t always properly get through to the long ears, the good will Peter felt for her was obvious to anyone who saw them.

No, perhaps it was already past the level of mere good will.

After all, he was the kind of Rabbit to say, ‘I love you’ over and over regardless of where they were. It wasn’t just once or twice that he had come at her with stalker-like persistency.

Alice had come to Heart Castle almost half-dragged there by that persistency. Since she had come to the Castle, the time periods had already changed about twenty times. It was the first time she had stayed such a long period of time somewhere other than the Mansion.

Alice had never spent more than five time periods away without returning since being in the Country of Hearts, no, ever since the move to the Country of Clover.

Until now she had had her job to do. No, outside of work, she had also made promises to have tea parties with her fickle employer and to play with the twin Gatekeepers.

I have to return to Hatter Mansion by this time.

The limits she had imposed on herself as if it were only natural now no longer existed.

—I don’t mind if you stay over at Heart Castle temporarily.—

During the Assembly period the conflict between Mafia organisations had intensified. Alice hadn’t found the suggestion her head of household had made in consideration of the fact that she had been targeted twice in a row to be a disagreeable one.

However, if she had imagined the situation would be like this…..she wondered whether she would even have come to the Castle at all.

When she came to Heart Castle she had expected that he would spend all his time following her around. She had thought he wouldn’t leave her side for a single time period if she didn’t prompt him not to. She had even imagined herself smiling wryly calling him a troublesome Prime Minister.

However, the level of contact she had with the White Rabbit had suddenly declined ever since she had come from Clover Tower to stay at the Castle. She wondered if she had offended him in some way.

He had never felt this remote to her up until now. And that it made her feel lonely surprised even her.

Of course a person would find it odd if someone who had been acting like a stalker towards them suddenly distanced themselves without any warning. That was why Alice had always thought that it was Peter who was the one who was behaving strangely.

‘Ever since I came to Heart Castle I haven’t really gone out all that much. I haven’t gone to the Forest doors even once either…..maybe that’s why he doesn’t follow me around anymore.’

He couldn’t leave Alice on her own since the doors were leading her astray. He could not entrust her to Hatter Mansion in the state she was in.

That had been what Peter had insisted when he had forcefully brought Alice with him to Heart Castle.

Worried herself about the White Rabbit’s unstable condition, she had gone along with her master’s considerate suggestion but…..she had no idea why Peter had suddenly become distant.

No matter the reason, Alice didn’t want to keep on feeling awkward like this. She had thought she had to talk to him at least once, but it appeared the White Rabbit’s ears were highly efficient at odd times. Whenever he sensed her presence, he ended up disappearing before she realised it.

She certainly did not feel like interrupting him when he was in the middle of work, but she couldn’t remain unbothered when he was purposely avoiding her to this extent.

‘…..-‘

Alice stopped walking at the thought that had risen unbidden into her mind.

‘But that means he’s definitely been avoiding me, for sure.’

Peter, avoiding Alice. Peter, trying to distance himself from Alice.

The words didn’t seem to fit that stalker-ish Prime Minister at all.

So thinking, once she had gone down the familiar corridor she arrived at Peter’s room.

Come to think of it, whenever she had visited before Peter had always been with her, so entering like this by knocking on the door was a first-time experience for her.

Normally it would be the other way around. However, the White Rabbit, who had always welcomed Alice’s visits, had appeared to be delighted to ask her there himself.

But now it was different for the both of them.

The fact that her body had unconsciously tensed was also part of it. She took a single breath to calm herself, then steeled her resolve and raised an arm.

Knock knock.

Standing quietly in front of the door, she knocked. The sound echoed, but there was no response from within.

‘Peter, are you there? I just want to talk for a bit.’

She tried calling out, but there was no response or any signs of someone moving around inside.

From what the maid had said earlier, he had brought his work into his room with him, so if he was really there, there should be some kind of sound. But it was completely silent.

‘……Maybe he isn’t in?’

‘Whatcha doing there, Alice?’

‘-!!’

Hearing a voice suddenly call out from behind, she flinched and shrank in on herself,

turning around in a fluster. 

‘Ace! Don’t get so close and call out from behind me out of nowhere like that!’

‘Hahaha. But even when I got close to you, you didn’t notice me at all. Was just wondering what you were concentrating so hard on, is all.’

Unabashed, the Knight as he spoke nonchalantly appeared to be the same as always. He had a remarkable talent for getting lost, so that was most likely why he was wandering around the Castle yet again.

Because Ace was always continuously roaming about whether inside or outside the Castle, she always ended up meeting him in places she had not expected to.

‘I wasn’t really concentrating or anything like that.’

‘Really? Didn’t seem like you noticed me when I saw you and called out though…..or where you ignoring me?’

He grinned.

His smile seemed as friendly as always, but his eyes looked somehow scary. Like he was only smiling on the surface, but there was no emotion behind it.

She couldn’t help but feel as if she were talking to a mask.

‘I wasn’t ignoring you. I honestly just didn’t notice you were there…..’

‘Then, that means your mind was completely full of something else. If you weren’t ignoring me, that means I wasn’t able to get you to pay attention to me. That’s cold of you, Alice.’

‘…..Ace?’

Using the difference in their physiques to his advantage, the red-wearing body had all at once pushed Alice against the door.

When she averted her gaze to the side, she saw grey-coloured gloves. Both his sturdy arms had been placed on either side of her, causing her to be unable to move.

What Alice saw as she turned her head back towards the Knight to complain were faintly amused looking red eyes.

‘I thought you were just as lost as I am, but looks like I was wrong. You’re no fun at all.’

His voice sounded discontent, yet at the same time somehow lonely.

Hearing him sound that way was so unexpected, Alice’s eyes widened.

‘What, are you saying, Ace?’

‘Well, you know, I had heard that you often got lost in the Forest of Doors. I’d thought for sure that meant you were lost too.’

‘…..No matter how lost I get, I could never be as bad as you.’

The doors’ voices often led Alice astray. The doors of the Forest, and the doors of the Tower…..neither were good influences on her.

‘Anyway, that said…..I’ve got business with Peter. Don’t get in my way.’

‘With Peter?’

‘This is Peter’s room!’

As she tapped the door at her back, Ace looked around him, saying ‘Ahh,’ as he gave a vigorous nod of understanding.

‘I see, so this is Peter’s room. Man, I didn’t realise at all. I had thought this place looked familiar, hahahaha-‘

Hearing the bright sounding laugh, Alice at last relaxed.

She didn’t understand why. But she had unconsciously been afraid of Ace when he had trapped her against the door.

This world had very few people with common sense in it to begin with. Despite knowing full well he was another person that wasn’t normal.

‘…..…..’

For just a moment she had genuinely thought she would be killed.

It wasn’t something she could easily say aloud.

‘Well then, if this is Peter’s room, the training grounds should be somewhere on the level below. I’d better hurry, or everyone will get bored.’

‘By “training”, you mean you haven’t gone yet?’

It was natural for Alice to be surprised. Since he had talked about training and the like in Alice’s room, about ten periods had already passed. Even if he was the Knight of Hearts that could get lost even within the Castle, it was too much.

‘Hahaha. I mean, this Castle really is too big. I get lost before I know it, what a pain.’

‘…..There are limits to things you know.’

At the very least he hadn’t left the Castle.  If he had, since this was Ace, he probably wouldn’t have been able to return for at least ten time periods. Exasperatedly shrugging her shoulders, Alice reluctantly instructed him.

‘If I’m remembering right, you should be able to get to the training grounds if you go straight down this hallway and go down the staircase at the end. Hurry up and go already.’

‘Wow, Alice, you sure know a lot. It’s kinda like you’ve become completely used to this Castle.’

 ‘…..…..?’

There was nothing strange in what he was saying, but to Alice there was something that felt off about the words.

It wasn’t just Peter, Ace had also been a little different ever since the move to the Country of Clover.

Alice didn’t know him well enough to be able to point out exactly what it was, but her intuition was probably not incorrect. Although he was just as friendly as always, recently she had the feeling that he was irritated somehow.

‘You’ve become used to the Country of Clover, and Heart Castle too…..you’re really adaptable. I’m envious.’

‘Ace?’

The expression on his face was cheerful as always, but it felt as if he were being sarcastic.

Why that would be, Alice did not know.

Not responding to the questioning tone in the girl’s voice, the Knight finally backed off with a slight smile. The red eyes that had been a close distance from her a moment ago had now moved away.

‘Well, guess I’ll head on over to where my subordinates are. For my own training, it’s a bit of a worry our soldiers aren’t up to my level but…..guess it can’t be helped.’

Just as Alice was wondering whether to show him the correct route or not as she watched the Knight begin to walk off in the complete opposite direction-

‘Ah, that’s right. Alice. If you’re after Peter, he isn’t in his room.’

‘Huh?’

‘Just before…..not long after the time period changed, I saw him headed towards the garden. Hahaha, there isn’t another rabbit as unique as him in our Castle, so I knew it was him right away.’

Although, I don’t know if he’s still there now.

Leaving those words behind, Ace departed.

‘! Thank you, Ace.’

Even before he had disappeared from view, Alice had begun to descend the staircase she had just come up from.

The reason she instinctively quickened her pace was because of what the Knight had said.

She had no choice but to believe that Peter was purposely not staying in one place for too long. If she didn’t chase after him quickly, he might go someplace else yet again.

‘Peter…..’

I want to be with you forever, always, and at all times-!

That had definitely been what he had said as he tugged on her hand at Clover Tower. That he wouldn’t give over his role as guide to anyone else, that he’d be with her forever and protect her from the doors, those had been his words.

‘Don’t just say whatever you want…..and then go and leave me-‘

The bitter memories of her first love still remained within Alice.

She couldn’t believe that Peter would leave her just as he had. She didn’t want to believe it. She thought that she would be sad if she couldn’t have him close by as a friend.

He didn’t listen to what other people said at all. He immediately shot anyone he didn’t like. But for all that, it was only in the times when he was with her that the White Rabbit seemed unbelievably happy.

You are the only one…..I didn’t want to have disappear on me.

The words she couldn’t say were building up inside her chest. There was a stinging pain in her heart.

A part of her knew that it was odd to feel this way over a sudden change in a friend. But she didn’t care about the reason.

That Peter really might leave her.

Right now, that was what she was tremendously afraid of.

***

Alice left the garden—in the empty space surrounded with red roses the figure of the White Rabbit was already nowhere to be seen.

The gardens of Heart Castle were vast. So much so that just an hour wouldn’t be long enough to search them from top to bottom. She had tried asking the maids and soldiers she knew one after the after, but by the time she realized that at the very least he was no longer in this particular one, the time period had changed.

‘…..Dammit…..Where did he go-‘

She had searched for an hour, but in the end, Alice had been unable to find even so much as Peter’s shadow.

By the time she had arrived at the west garden, having been told that he had been seen there, it was completely deserted.

When she dashed to the south fountain, hearing that he was in the middle of giving instructions to the soldiers there, the soldiers were already carrying out their duties, the person in charge long gone.

Even if she had the stamina of an average person, Alice did not have the endless energy someone like Ace had to be able to continuously wander around.

Having spent so much time walking about without stopping, her legs had begun to swell. They felt too heavy for her to be trying to walk back to her guest room.

In order to recover her strength, she sat down on a bench that had been placed in the hallway.

‘Since this is Peter we’re talking about, I don’t think he would have left the Castle…..wha-!?’

Just as she was muttering to herself. Alice’s green eyes widened in an instant.

A shadow had been reflected in the large mirror at the end of the hallway. Alice definitely had a feeling she had seen a red shadow pass through the hallway she had just been walking in a moment ago.

‘It couldn’t be-…..!’

As she got up, the heaviness of her legs forgotten, she immediately began to run. She knew that it was bad manners to run inside the Castle, but right now she couldn’t afford to be polite.

 Sprinting back down the hallway she had left just a few seconds ago, she looked to the left.

There—she saw the figure of a young man with long ears wearing red clothes. Perhaps not having noticed Alice, the familiar white hair was walking away at a relaxed pace.

‘Peter!’

‘-!?’

Her voice came out louder than expected as she called out, determined to stop him, but it had without a doubt reached his long ears.

Alice did not fail to notice that the white ears had twitched and trembled.

‘I want to talk to you, do you have a bit of time right now to-…..huh!?’

Whereupon an unexpected development occurred before her eyes.

‘P-Peter! Where are you going-!‘

There was no way he hadn’t heard Alice call out to him, but of all things the White Rabbit had broke into a run, continuing on in the same direction he had been headed. He hadn’t even so much as turned around.

‘W-Wait, Peter!!’

For just a moment she had frozen in place at his reaction.

Who would have thought. That the person who had always been chasing after her, would suddenly run away without even looking at her…..there was no way she could have predicted such a sight.

She chased after the White Rabbit who had panicked and begun to run, but he was faster than she was. Little by little, the distance between them grew.

‘…..-, Please wait, Peter, stop!’

Having already spent so much time searching for him, Alice was reaching the limits of her strength. Her legs seemed about to give out from under her, and even her hair was a mess.

 Even so, she didn’t stop pursuing the White Rabbit she had at last found.

‘…..…..’

He was fast. The phrase “fast as a fleeing rabbit” existed, but the speed at which he ran was abnormal. Even so, perhaps she could say that it was rather impressive he didn’t bump into any of the soldiers or maids that he passed by on the way.

Alice on the other hand, sweating profusely, didn’t even have the time to apologise to the people she had run into.

Scolding her trembling legs, Alice once more raised her voice.

‘If there’s something you want to say to me, then say it-!! Don’t run away-!‘

He had to have heard her. Each time Alice’s voice echoed out, the long ears reacted slightly.

‘-!’

‘Peter!’

Don’t leave me behind.

Alice could have said the words. However, she wasn’t able to.

If she said that to him, and he still didn’t stop. If he pretended that he hadn’t heard her.

“Alice, I’m so sorry, I-….”

“I’m sorry, Alice, I’ve-….”

‘…..…..-’

It was déjà vu. It frightened her that it wouldn’t be wholly unexpected if he were to say the same sort of things as those phantom voices.

However, the White Rabbit didn’t stop running.

At this rate, it would be a matter of which happened first, Alice reaching her limits, or him making a successful escape. It would probably be both. Either way, it didn’t appear that Alice had any chance of catching Peter.

There was now no longer any trace of the girl’s usual composure. Desperately forcing her legs to move, rallying her body as it seemed on the verge of collapse, Alice was running.

She wasn’t thinking at all about what she would say once she caught up to him. By chasing him, and seeing his face—she just wanted to lessen the distance that had opened up between them, even if it was by just a little.

It might be because Alice didn’t want to accept that there was any distance she couldn’t close, no matter how she were to run and run.

‘…..Alice.’

Perhaps the White Rabbit had noticed that the girl hadn’t stopped chasing him despite her flagging strength. After turning around for just a moment, he suddenly dove into a nearby room.

Completely absorbed as she was in running, Alice didn’t have the capacity for calm decision making. The person she was chasing had gone into that room. That was the only fact her mind was able to register.

‘Peter-! I’m not letting you get away-!’

Despite being a guest, she was fairly knowledgeable when it came to the layout of the large Castle. The room he had entered was one of the guest rooms. And, although she wasn’t sure exactly which level they were on right now, at the very least she knew it wasn’t the ground one. He wouldn’t be able to escape by running outside.

Bang!

Opening the door with all her strength, Alice at last came to a stop.

‘P-Pe-…..ter…-. Wh-Where are you-…..-!?’

Her voice seemed to stick in her completely dried out throat. The metallic taste spreading throughout her mouth was probably blood that had gushed out from where capillary vessels had split. She felt awful, but right now she didn’t have the time to leisurely be drinking tea.

Still breathing hard, she looked around her, but the bright red clothes wearing White Rabbit was nowhere to be found.

‘Wh-Where…..did he…go?’

Roughly wiping away the sweat pouring down her forehead with the back of her hand, Alice looked from side to side. Her heart was pounding so hard she could hear it. Her arms no longer had any strength left in them and felt heavy, as if they didn’t belong to her.

If he were a normal person, the number of places he could hide would be limited, but in any case, Peter had another form he could take. Just as the Gatekeepers had child and adult forms, he could change from human to rabbit form.

If Peter were in rabbit form, starting with the closet, there were an infinite number of spots that he could hide.

‘…..…..’

As to be expected of a guest room of Heart Castle. Just like the room Alice had at Hatter Mansion, it was more than big enough.

She took a general look around, underneath the tables and in all the storage spaces, but didn’t find a trace of either the white ears or the red clothes. She had made sure to close the door, so if he had left the room while Alice had been concentrating on her search, she still would have noticed straight away.

In other words, either he was still in the room or—he had gone outside using a hidden route unknown to her. It had to be one of the two.

‘If I’d known this was going to happen, I would’ve asked Vivaldi about hidden passageways-’

‘…..…..’

Perhaps because it was a noon time period, the light coming from beyond the curtain was warm and gentle. There was no obvious shadow reflected behind it.

While thinking that it couldn’t be, when she put her hand to the window, she noticed that it was unlocked.

‘Peter, are you there?’

Klack.

Opening it, she went out onto the balcony. Red roses were in full bloom in the garden below her, but the White Rabbit she was searching for was nowhere to be seen.

However, the fact that the window had been unlocked meant that someone had to have opened it. The maids of the Castle were all diligent in their work, so it wasn’t likely that they had carelessly forgotten to do it. In a situation where the enemy Mafia group might come to attack them at any time, it was impossible they would do something so negligent.

 As she leaned against the balcony railing to look down on the garden below, there didn’t appear to be anyone else around. 

Height-wise she was probably about three floors up. Alice certainly couldn’t see herself jumping down from this kind of height, but when it came to the physical abilities of those called role holders, her common sense didn’t apply. Peter probably would have been able to jump and land safely without any problems.

Feeling her heart rate settle down a little at last, she gave a small sigh.

‘Peter….why are you avoiding me like this?’

Before, even when she had come here to see the Queen or the Knight, he had always shown up uninvited and clung on to her.

Even when she’d told him she didn’t have any business with him and to let her go, he didn’t listen saying, ‘Alice, I love you. I love you so much-‘ again and again.

Even though back then when he’d been stuck to her like glue, he’d just been a pain, and truth be told, an annoyance.

Now, simply not having him close by was making her anxious.

Even though he had brought her to Heart Castle with such a worried look on his face.

‘…..You’re an idiot, Peter.’

Alice’s thoughts kept getting more and more negative.

Maybe he really did hate her now. No, if that was the case, considering his personality, he probably would have pointed his gun at Alice for chasing after him.

Along with a cold look in those red eyes.

Alice still didn’t know what he wanted to do, and at the same time neither did she know what she wanted to do with him.

It was just, at this very moment, she strongly felt that she wanted to see the White Rabbit. See him, and then have him smile at her, just like he always had until now.

If he had really meant the words he had repeatedly said, ‘I want to be with you forever’-

Then, she wanted to see him—right now.

‘Where are you, Peter?’

Sighing, she turned away from the balcony railing. The sky above her as she looked up at in a daze was so bright that it irritated her. Unresolved feelings still within her, it almost seemed to be laughing at her.

However, she was disillusioned with herself for thinking such a thing. To be taking out her emotions on even the weather, there were limits to how pathetic one could be.

Just at the moment she was shaking her head with self-loathing-

The girl’s long hair gently blew upwards. Surprised, she tried to hold it in place, but was unable keep all of it down.

‘…..The wind.’

Before the move, the wind rarely blew. In this world that was always good weather, rain did not fall, and there was usually not so much as a cloud in the sky.

It was very strange for the wind to be blowing like this. Remembering what the master of Hatter Mansion had said, perhaps it was an effect of the Country itself having become unstable due to the land having moved.

The wind was by no means chilly, but she had a feeling her sweat-drenched body had suddenly become much colder than before.

Just as she let go of the railing as she shivered, thinking it might be time to head back inside-

Whoosh, a stronger gust of wind than any she had ever felt before blew right at her.

‘Kyah-!’

The sudden high wind lifted her whole body. Panicked, she tried to grab hold of the railing, but exhausted as she was from all the running she had done, there was no strength left in her arms.

At the moment she realised her field of vision had tilted, Alice’s body had already been pushed out from the balcony.

‘!!’

An empty space, with nothing to tie her down.

Her apron dress billowed out, but she didn’t have the leeway to hold it down.

As her field of vision whirled round and round she saw a red garden, and a red castle. And—a blue so vast it seemed about to crush her.

Surrounded by the many different colours—she was falling towards the ground.

‘Kyaah-!?’

Body frozen, a scream spilled out from Alice’s lips. She reflexively closed her eyes.

What would happen if she fell from three floors up. It was obvious. If she was unlucky, she would die instantly, but even if luck were on her side, she wouldn’t be able to avoid serious injury. And not just that, since she had expended almost all her energy running around, she was unable to take up a proper falling stance.

Just as when she had first come to this world, it appeared that Alice and falling had a fated connection whenever Peter was involved. Although that was a fact she was not at all grateful for.

‘-‘

So that she would at least not hit her head, she hunched her shoulders, tightly curling her body in on itself. Although mid-air, she was not necessarily able to move herself into position as nimbly as she would have liked, it was better than doing nothing.

After all—Alice still hadn’t been able to say anything to him yet.

Searching, running.

Even if it meant chasing after him herself, unlike the first time she had fallen into this world.

She had to catch the running Rabbit.

 ‘Alice!’

‘-‘

Just as she closed her eyes against the feeling of falling, she felt she heard a strained sounding voice call out. The almost phantom-like voice came from below her.

When she opened her eyes that had been so tightly closed, she saw a white rose blooming in the red garden.

No, it wasn’t possible the red Queen would have allowed a white rose to exist in the Castle she ruled over.

‘Peter!’

The White Rabbit she had not been able to reach, despite all the time she had spent chasing after him, was now below her eyes.

Whether the reason she had unconsciously stretched out her hand was to grab hold of him, or to seek his help. That was something not even Alice knew.

‘…..-‘

The only thing she knew was that despite her expectations of a hard impact, something soft and warm had caught her up.

Landing with a loud thud, she had fallen down onto the ground. However, it did not hurt.

‘Alice, are you alright!? Ah, you’re completely covered with dirt…..A-Are you hurt anywhere, Alice?!’

Despite being considerably more dirt covered than her, pinned as he was beneath her, as usual, the White Rabbit only saw Alice.

Brushing back hair that gotten on the girl’s face with his fingers, he stared intently at her.

Red eyes that only reflected Alice in them, to the point that it was frightening.

The girl drew a breath at the depth in that gaze—and then, gripped tightly onto his clothes.

‘…..I’m not hurt. What about you, are you alright?’

‘It doesn’t matter about me-. Besides, catching you is but a trivial-…..Gwah-!?’

‘Ah, I see. Very good then.’

Smiling broadly, Alice yanked the tie Peter wore around his neck, pulling it tight.

‘Not even I would want to interrogate an injured person. But if you’re fine, looks like we might be able to have ourselves a nice chat.’

Glaring head on at the White Rabbit as he made noises as if he were finding it hard to breathe, she brought her face closer to his.

She was smiling on the surface, but on the inside, rather than relief, emotions that she had no name for had been whirling around in her chest for quite some time.

Until she’d seen Peter’s face, she’d been so anxious she couldn’t stand it. She had been afraid that he had grown tired of her and would reject her.

However, she could tell. Right now, Peter was the same as he had always been, the Rabbit who revolved his world around Alice, not caring even about his own self.

That was why, even though she’d been so anxious a moment ago, she was able to question him with her usual confidence.

‘You’ve been acting weird ever since I came to Heart Castle. What, do you hate me that much? Do you not even want to see my face, Peter?’

‘Wha-! Wh-Why would you say something so absurd!? I love you-! Has someone been telling you bad things about me-…..-Guh-!’

‘Don’t put the blame on someone else!’

Once more pulling tight the necktie she had let loose, Alice closed in on Peter, still lying on top of him.

‘You’re the one who’s been running away every time you saw my face. Even when I was having tea with Vivaldi and the others you never showed up. You were always running up to me as soon as you could, but now you don’t even want to be near me.’

‘Alice…..’

‘Well, I suppose you were always over the top with the hugging and stuff to begin with, so maybe this is only normal but…if you were going to dial it back, don’t do it so suddenly, um, that is……’

Her voice was gradually growing smaller and smaller.

As the words she was saying fully registered in her mind, Alice was able to think a bit more clearly.

Even though he’d always been persistently clinging on to her, he had suddenly become distant. Without saying why, or what he meant by it.

However—it had been Alice herself who hadn’t liked that he’d distanced himself.

What she was saying now made it seem like she’d missed him. As she realized that, her face turned bright red.

‘You’re the one that said you’d protect me forever.’

This was all strange. It shouldn’t have been this way. She was pretty much acting like a sulky child.

That she’d been lonely without him, made her feel that there had to be something wrong with her.

‘…..I’m sorry, Alice. I wasn’t avoiding you.’

‘You’re lying.’

When he saw her face, he had turned his back on her.

When she’d called out to him, he had acted aloof and walked away.

What other way could such behaviour be described, other than avoiding her?

All the same, as Alice glared at him, the White Rabbit quietly shook his head.

There was dirt on his white cheek. The Rabbit who was white as snow, had gotten a little dirty. The Rabbit who loved cleanliness more than anything, who did not taint himself with anything other than her.

‘I was just…..so happy, I didn’t know what to do.’

‘Huh?’

‘I was so happy…..I couldn’t even think.’

A dirtied face. There was a single speck of dirt on the face of the White Rabbit, who never had a single speck of dirt on him.

She wondered why she hadn’t noticed up until now that his cheeks were slightly flushed.

‘Alice,’ calling her name, Peter stretched out a hand. The white gloved hands brushed her hair back.

‘Ah.’

She felt as if her heart had skipped a beat as his fingers combed through her disheveled hair, trying to smooth it down. She was unable to take her eyes off the face in front of hers.

Seeming bashful, yet smiling as if happy, the White Rabbit continued to speak.

‘You’re here at the Castle. You did say that it was just temporary, but all the same, to be living in the same place…..I was just so happy when I thought about it…..that I grew afraid.’

‘…..…..’

‘I thought that I wanted to make you happy forever. If you are in this world, you can become happy. That was why, I was glad just to have you in this world.’

Red clothes swayed in her line of vision.

‘…..Peter.’

As he quietly pulled her close and hugged her, she became unable to see his face.

The face she had wanted to see so much was on the other side of hers. Even though she had thought that when she saw it, she would question and scold him.

She was enveloped in the warmth of his body close to hers and the sound of a ticking clock.

‘But, having you so near…..when I thought that I wanted to stay this way forever, to be even closer to you, it frightened me. Not knowing what to do to have you by my side for even just a little, I couldn’t approach you.’

A warm embrace.

There was a clear difference in the way he held her from when he had hugged her without holding back in the past.

Like he wanted to imprison her inside his arms, but was frightened, not wanting her to hate him, that was the kind of heat they had.

‘I’m a greedy rabbit, aren’t I.’

‘That’s…..not true.’

At his voice sounding as if he were giving a pained smile, Alice could only shake her head slightly.

There was nothing greedy about it at all. It was normal.

To wish for the happiness of the person you loved.

To feel as if you wanted to become a little closer to them.

The anxiety of not knowing what to do.

Alice herself had also felt similar emotions.

‘I get the same way too.’

‘…..You do?’

‘Yeah.’

Nodding yes, she closed her eyes.

—She wondered why. Whenever she was with Peter, she felt the same atmosphere as those gentle Sunday afternoons.

Her smiling sister, and the acceptance she had felt despite the feeling of disquiet she had had when with her.

When she was with him, she became conscious of the space that should have been dearer to her than anything else. Though she should have known herself that there was no longer any going back.

‘But…..if you suddenly grow distant, it makes me more anxious instead.’

She wanted to wrap her arms around his red clad back. That was what she thought, but she held herself back.

She mustn’t hug Peter back. If she did, he would respond.

Because if she embraced the White Rabbit, after that, Alice wouldn’t know what to do.

‘I told you before, that I’ll be at Heart Castle until the Assemblies are over. While I'm here, if you keep avoiding me like now, even I’d feel sad.’

Because we’re friends.

It was different from being best friends. Although it wasn’t the same, Alice was aware that the affection she felt for him was the kind you felt for the person closest to you.

But, this wasn’t love. She didn’t want to think that it was love.

She liked him, and he was important to her but—she didn’t want her feelings to become that sort of emotion.

‘Be like you were before. And I'll do the same.’

‘…..Alice…..’

‘Alright?’

Moving back a little, she put her hand to his white face. As she wiped away the dirt that was still on it, Alice smiled.

‘I’m by your side right now, aren’t I? Peter.’

She musn’t let this white and too pure Rabbit love her, who was not pure at all.

She didn’t want to dirty him. She wanted him to stay pure.

But, she did want to know what he was thinking. She wanted to know why his thinking had become cowardly, why he’d suddenly grown afraid despite clinging to her so often in the past.

Though once she did know, the things Alice could do wouldn’t amount to much. Even so, to repress her desire to know would require considerable effort on her part.

Once she found out the truth, Alice would doubtless make another mistake. That was why she forced down the anxiety and doubts she felt inside her.

‘Don’t distance yourself from me, Peter.’

That's right, if they could maintain the same distance as before, she would be fine with that.

Because if she were to get any closer to such a white being, she would surely taint him.

[justholdingstill]

remember that time i tried to write a deancas gilmore girls fusion/au for pinefest and never finished it because it kept growing into monster beyond my ability to wrangle at the time? here, have a ridiculous scene that you’ll definitely recognize if you’ve watched GG.

Castiel blinks.

His alarm goes off at six forty-five am precisely, tearing without warning into an unpleasant electronic war cry at a decibel that startles him straight into wide-eyed, heart-pounding wakefulness. Groaning, Castiel smashes the snooze button and drops back down onto his pillow with a sigh of relief. He’s still got time, and a few more minutes of shut-eye would do him a world of good after last night, he’s sure.

Just as he’s drifting back off, lulled by the familiar sounds of Claire doing her morning puttering, another alarm goes off; this time, it’s a shrill, metallic ringing from across the room – that cute red analog clock that Dorothy scored for him at a flea market a few years ago, which he mostly keeps around for show. He doesn’t remember setting it, but he figures that Past Castiel must have been trying to look after the needs of sleep-deprived Future Castiel, and so he only curses Past him out a little bit as he hauls himself up to go turn it off.

Ahhh, peace and quiet.

Squinting, Castiel gazes back at his still-warm, rumpled bed with all the ardour of a lover. He’s technically the boss – he could probably start at ten today, if he wanted. Michel would grumble of course, but then again, bitching and moaning is sort of Michel’s bread and butter, and Castiel is loathe to deprive him of his primary motivation. All he knows is that his sheets are never quite as enticingly soft as they are at seven in the morning, and that he wants nothing more than to sink back into their comforting embrace for another hour or so. So he does, pausing to text Claire before he pulls the blanket over his head.

Not ready to face the world yet! Take 20 from my wallet and get a cab to school, please. Will pick you up after. Maybe Dean’s? XOXO

Sleep rushes back in and pulls him under so quickly it might as well be a tide, and he the moon. He drifts there fitfully, just under the surface of consciousness, receiving vague impressions of colour and light and motion around him. Somewhere deep inside of himself, he registers the thought: this must be how babies feel, curled up in the womb. He chuckles, pleased with his own childish wisdom, and the vibration of it ripples outward in luminous concentric circles.

Castiel blinks.

His alarm goes off.

Actually, he realizes fairly quickly, it’s not just one alarm clock, but a multitude of them, all over his room, every size, colour, and shape that he could possibly have imagined – all of them buzzing and beeping and whirring and screaming and honking, even one blasting hard rock music at a nearly inconceivable volume.  

“What,” says Castiel, “the fuck?”

It takes him nearly ten minutes to locate all of the clocks and subdue each one by whatever means necessary, near-frantic in his urgency, his ears throbbing painfully under the assault. The last one - a cheap, dinky little thing with the dollar store sticker still on – almost proves to be his undoing; it only goes quiet when Castiel wrenches his window open and chucks it into the road, where someone in a noisy pickup truck promptly runs over it. “And good riddance!” he shouts. He winces as he slams the sash down slightly harder than he meant to, but thankfully nothing breaks.

“Claire!” He yells down as he dresses himself, scarcely bothering to look at the clothes he’s grabbing from his dresser. “I hope you find murder just as funny as that little stunt!” Castiel jogs down the stairs in his bare feet, catching a whiff of bacon as he goes. Now he’s really confused - practical joker or not, since when has Claire ever in her life cooked him breakfast? “Is it my birthday, or are you just trying to butter me up so I don’t – oh!”

“Hey baby,” says Dean, looking back over his shoulder to flash a lazy smile at Cas. His voice is rough, sleep-worn and sexy; Castiel tries not to adjust the front of his trousers too conspicuously. Dean’s wearing his thinnest, most frayed Zeppelin t-shirt, the one that’s way too stretched out at the neck, and a pair of tight red boxer briefs that Castiel belatedly recognizes as his own. “You want some coffee? It’s fresh.”

“Nnggh,” Castiel agrees through gritted teeth. He inches his way over to the coffee maker without taking his eyes off Dean, who’s back to focusing on his pan of bacon as though he hasn’t another care in the world. He pours himself a cup and takes his first sip, still staring holes into the back of Dean’s skull as though the answers to Castiel’s thousand questions might be engraved on his brain. I must be dreaming, Castiel thinks desperately. Dean is not in my kitchen. Dean is not cooking me breakfast in my own kitchen wearing my underwear right now. I have to be dreaming. Wake up, Castiel. Wake up!

At any rate, even dream-Castiel turns out not to have X-ray vision, and no matter how long he stands there watching Dean, he just won’t disappear. Eventually, he gathers up every shred of courage he can find, clears his throat, and asks, “Dean…do you mind explaining what the hell is going on?!”

“Shit,” says Dean, looking back at him again. He sighs. “I knew you were going to notice.”

“Of course I was going to notice!” Castiel splutters. “How could you possibly think I wouldn’t?”

Dean chuckles. He starts lifting cooked bacon out of the pan onto a plate lined with paper towel, then drains the grease into an empty tin can. “I swear, Cas,” he says, shaking his head, “you shouldn’t be able to taste the difference between decaf and regular coffee.”

“First of all,” Castiel spits back, “shut your filthy mouth. That is utter sacrilege, especially coming from a supposed connoisseur like yourself.” He paces over to Dean and gets right up his personal space, poking one accusing finger into the dead centre of his chest. “Second – I demand that you tell me what you’re doing here.”

“Trying to prevent future generations from getting their developing brains addled, dumbass,” Dean says. He pauses just long enough to crack a pair of eggs into the still-hot pan, then turns back to a bewildered Castiel with a shit-eating grin on his face. “God, you’re adorable when you’re pissed off, you know that? But you heard what the doctor said, sweetheart. You have to limit your daily caffeine intake, or else it could have a negative impact on the babies.”

“Sweetheart,” Castiel echoes. Suddenly, his ears are ringing again. “Babies.”

Just as suddenly, Dean is on his knees. Castiel looks down at him, only to realize that Dean’s head is dwarfed by Castiel’s enormously swollen stomach. Holy shit. Is he pregnant? “How are my little Clarence and Clarice today, anyway?” Dean coos, lifting Castiel’s shirt so that he can place a series of tender kisses around his navel. “These kung-fu fighters keep you awake all night again, Cas? You’re looking kind of out of it.”

Castiel blinks.

His alarm goes off.

It’s 9:32 AM; he’s clearly right on the edge of a mental breakdown, and more than that, he’s definitely going to be late for work.

“Oh my god,” he whispers to the ceiling.

[bloodycassian]

Reader x Cassian - Hellish Prompt: Reader is an assassin/spy that was caught and azriel has spent months torturing her for information and can’t get anything out of her and cassian eventually goes to see who this assassin/spy is and the mating bond snaps and cassian beats the $hitt out of az bc of the mating bond instincts and rhys has to intervene and break up the fight (i was thinking this could switch between azriel’s POV at the start and then switch to cassian's POV)

AN- this was SO fun to make. Please more requests like this!! I love the idea of unexpected mates!

TW -blood/ blades.  

Drip, drip, drip. Copper smell filled the small room. Blood leaked down the drain in the floor. You wheezed a laugh bitterly and spat on the ground at his feet. Azriel's rage simmered calmly under his dark shadows. They coiled, ready to strike. Wanting to strike. The sound of your feeble laughs was practically the only sound Azriel had gotten from you for the first week of torture.  The second week was worse, even for him. Truth teller revealed nothing when he gouged into your skin from the bottom up. Truthfully, he was impressed beyond measure. But that didnt mean that he could stop the job at hand. He had to know, and wished he didnt have to do this kind of thing to get the information from you. "Listen..." He sighed, cleaning his blade. He was always nervous whenever he had a back turned to an enemy, no matter how well they were restrained. But he trusted his shadows enough to tell him if something was wrong.  "If you just.. Cooperate and tell me where the Queens are, we can let you go. No trouble, just releasing you back to Rask." He tried to keep his tone neutral, but he was nearing an exhaustion point. Torture every day for two weeks had its toll not only on the victim, but the dealer as well. His shadows seemed to be growing restless too, waiting for a chance to strike.  He watched your reaction from the corner of his eye. Noted the way your head hanging loosely seemed to gain a bit more strength before you spoke. "Losing your touch, Spymaster?" You revealed a row of bloody teeth to him, and grunted when the chains at your wrists stung the magic that weakly attempted to help you.  Azriel could have sighed. He could have laughed and bled you dry. Have a healer come and patch you up enough to keep you alive. The idea was tempting, but he didn't like having anyone besides his brothers see him in this mode of darkness. He could have brought Rhys down to attempt to break into your mind again. After the first attempt and Rhys' reaction to being blocked, he wasn't eager for that again. So he sighed, and brought out the potions laced with Faebane.  + He was convinced you weren't a normal Fae. After months of his best torture methods he was a wreck. "She just-" He tried to hide his frustration, but his brothers knew him best. Cassian smirked by the fire, warming his wings. Rhys seemed a bit more concerned, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Azriel had never been one to spend a long time on torture. Rhys saw the frustration flowing from him after every session with the stubborn Fae in the dungeon cell.  "I dont know what to do anymore. She's the only one to have never broken." He ran a hand though his hair. His shadows seemed weak, exhausted like him.  Rhys considered for a moment, looking between his two brothers. Cassian seemed to be enjoying Azriel's frustration. Maybe a bit too much. Rhys sipped his wine then, with a look of innocence, "Maybe we will have Cassian end it. Perhaps seeing the Lord of Death in front of her will knock something loose."  Cassian's stare whipped to him, a silent plea on his face. "We should leave it to our expert Rhys-" Azriel laughed, cold and bitter. "The expert hasn't got a damn thing out of her. We either kill her or send her back to Rask with all the information she's collected about us. With nothing in return." Shame lined his features. The sense of failure to his high lord was a heavy weight to bear. "Cas...I expect you down there tomorrow afternoon. It will be her last chance." Rhys' no nonsense tone shut down Cassian's retort. His jaw locked with distaste. He hated the cramped cells below the house of wind. Hated the way going underground made his wings feel like they needed to stretch. The worst was when that stale air was laced with the rotting smell of dead mice or old blood. It made his skin crawl just thinking about it.  "Come on Cas, dont you want to see the only one that's outlasted me?" Az asked with a mock grin. He couldn't give the same smile back. Turmoil spilled inside him at the thought of going so far below the mountain.  + Cassian took a long time to go to bed that night. His restlessness about the next day made him wake up over and over, never having more than an hour of peace before being waken up.  Azriel held up a mug of tea to him the next morning. "You look like shit." He handed his brother the mug with a small smile. Cassian glared at him, but took it anyway. He went to the balcony, his heavy wings needing to feel the fresh air. It was like taking a bath after being covered in grime. He sighed in relief, letting the late morning sun graze his body. The cold wind from Illyria was beginning to come in for the winter, and the familiar smell ignited something in him. He felt a draw, but shoved it to the back of his mind. He knew what he had to be this day. "Why the hell do we have to keep them so far down again?" Cassian complained. Around and around and around. Down deeper and deeper into the pit of the mountain that the house above was carved out of. Cassian felt like his lungs were collapsing the further they went. He tried not to let his nerves show, but he knew Az's shadows would pick up on it anyway.  "Remember when you broke your arm chasing down that Attor?" Azriel could have laughed at that memory, but the story surrounding it made the experience soured. More shame on top of the guilt already there.  Cassian hummed in approval, welcoming the distraction the memory brought. He tried not to focus on how each turn of the staircase got darker and darker. How the air seemed to compress around him. He locked his eyes on the scar on one of Az's wings. "And we spent a week fixing the top story of that apothecary?" He asked, keeping his voice steady.  "Yes. Dont you remember how the Attor got out?" Cassian shook his head, and Azriel huffed a laugh. "I left the door open for just a second to get a new knife and..." He shook his head, part in anger and regret, part in shame. "It had escaped before I turned around. I dont know how it happened, to this day."  Cassian stared at the back of the shadowmaster's head. The dark ripples around him seemed to spike. "It happens Az, you can't be perfect."  "It's not perfection, its basic thought. After that we moved all enemies to the lower dungeons. No matter the threat. Rhys even put wards on the arches." He ran a hand over the walls, his fingers catching a few of the grooves that linked each spelled archway to the other.  Cassian left the conversation at that. At least his brother wasn't brooding as much as before. The dim lights began to come into view, and his heart began hammering. Adrenaline singing through his veins. His polished siphons glowed, reflecting red off the dark stone ceiling. He had polished all his black armor the night before, when he couldn't sleep. Something poked, prodded at him all night. Keeping him awake. He figured he may as well make use out of it.  "She's not going to talk to you unless you show..weakness first." Azriel said in a low voice. Cassian nodded, reaching the end of the stairwell with him.  Cassian couldn't see the dark figure in the cell, but he felt the presence nonetheless. The dark draw that you demanded. He wondered how Azriel had dealt with that pull this whole time. The tantalizing draw to you. He shook his head, pushed the hair out of his face and nodded to Azriel.  He opened the door, then began his ritual. At the start of every session he would toss a bucket of water over your body, then a bucket of salt. It made the wounds that handn't healed fully scream in pain. You jolted at the suddenness of it this time. "Good morning, shadowsinger." You ground out, voice rough with strain. Cassian watched in awe at his brother.  Cassian was never one for torture. There was a reason Azriel was appointed to this position. Watching the calm cruelness of him was jarring, but Cassian kept his face straight. He stood behind you, watching the flimsy attempts to pull at the shackles holding your arms up. Lacerations dotted each arm, some light pink scars. Some were still scabbing over. A chill ran down his spine.  "You have a guest today, would you like to see him?" Azriel's voice was cool, calm. Like he was speaking orders to a group of soldiers. He began slicing new lines into your arms, moving up to your neck. He had left your ears in tact, as a last resort if you refused to speak to Cassian. The pull Cassian felt was overwhelming. He walked a bit too quickly around you, plastered on a wicked smile for show, then crouched down. The smile faded when he finally saw your face. Your dripping hair was a horror on its own. Plastered to the skeletal cheekbones, and pale eyes. Those eyes were brighter than anything he'd ever seen. A field of flowers down the slope of Illyrian mountains. His world shifted, drawing the breath from him. "Mine." His mind seemed to roar with that alone, but in a thousand different variations. "Lover, friend, partner, mine mine mine. Mate. My mate." His lips quivered with the realization. With the way his heart soared, and the way he moved without realizing it. He choked a gasp, and fell forward on his knees before you. He saw the same astonishment in your reaction. Azriel dropped his sword, confusion and concern alert on his features. "Cas wh-" Before he could finish, before his shadows could detect that Cassian had even moved, his brother was on top of him. Cassian's knuckles stung with every punch. A new kind of rage flared inside him. It made his muscles yearn for violence. Made his teeth crave the flesh of those that so much as looked at you wrong. There was no mercy for Azriel, it was as if he was an enemy on the battlefield. Cassian held nothing back. You hung limply from the chains that bound you. Crunch after crunch sounded from Azriel. He eventually managed to push Cassian off of him. Then they locked together in battle again. Clashes of armor against armor were deafening. The snarls they ripped at each other were loud enough to make you cringe. Your heart squeezed at the sounds of Cassian's breath. At the scent of blood spilling. You pulled feebly at the chains, your mind roaring to protect him.  Your mate. You tried to watch the battle, but the weakness in your body refused to let you turn more than a few inches. They were panting, Cassian fighting with a ferocity Azriel had never seen. His eyes flared with rage, like he was possessed. "Cas-" Azriel grunted, shoving his brother backwards. His back hit yours, pushing you down and digging those stone cuffs into your wrists. You hissed in pain. Cassian roared and lunged at his brother again, and again.  The darkness that boomed outside the cell was jarring. The stone ceiling shuddered, small rocks and dirt falling from it. Cassian did not stop. He didn't hesitate, coming at Azriel with punch after punch. His fist crushed the wall behind where Az's head had been. 

"Enough." The high lord's cool command was enough to make you still your weak attempts at looking at the two. Cassian's chest heaved as he tried lifting his arm to punch Az again. Pure fury in his heart was enough to make him disobey Rhysand's order.

  Then Rhys' talons gripped him. Freezing his mind, stilling him. Rhys' face shifted to surprise at what he glimpsed at there. "Oh.." He breathed. Azriel panted, backing away from his brother, out of the cell. He locked the cell and wiped the blood from himself, his wings hanging limply behind him. "What- the hell." He panted, nursing his arm. Cassian's eyes locked to your small frame. How your muscles quivered, how your arms shook with the effort of holding yourself up. He felt Rhys' claws recede slowly from his mind, releasing each part of him one by one. He rushed to you.  He picked up Azriel's sword and with a clean, masterful swipe, broke the enchanted stone that bound you. The weak sigh that came from you was heartbreaking. His eyes pricked with tears, and he caught you before you could fall to the floor into the puddle of dried blood. He didnt notice, or care that it was there. He sat there with you, cradled you and shook with you. 

"Cassian... She's.. Cassian's mate." Rhys said slowly, astonished. He didn't take his eyes from his brother in the cell. Azriel froze in place. For a moment, the dungeon was completely still. Totally silent, as if the world waited for what was to come next.

Azriel turned on a heel and left, trudging up the stairs. Rhys dared not touch his mind. "Cassian...." He spoke, trying to get his brother's attention. He did not glance at Rhys, just curled around your body more. Protecting, nesting almost. Rhys knew the feeling too well from the weeks after he and Feyre's bond snapped into place.  "We will check in tomorrow. Be safe, brother." Rhys spoke to Cassian's mind. It was nothing but an ocean of rushing thoughts. Cassian could have bared his teeth, could have tried to fight his brother through the bars of the cell. Hell, he could have probably broken through those bars with the primal strength flowing through him with the rush from the bond. 

But he didn't. He stayed, his warm body pressed against yours. Those siphons glowing against your skin like a fire. He stroked your hair soothingly, his tears like rainfall on your body, through your bloodstained clothes. He didn't remember falling asleep there, but it was the most restful, peaceful night he'd ever had in his existence. 

[arcadia-city-stories-if]

early-ish in the relationship where no one has said the L word yet - if mc’s quietly tracing their finger on the ro’s skin and eventually the ro realizes mc’s writing “i love you” how would they react? 🥺

The sweet ones always take me the longest lol, sorry, Anon!

I did have one written for Claude/Claudia but I decided not to include it for *reasons* I still wanted to post the other four though.

Toni’s is also pre-relationship. Also for *reasons*

So, sorry about that!

They're under the cut because they're kinda long and I take up enough of peoples screens with my nonsense as it is lol

Murphy -

Murphy lies in bed, staring up at the unfamiliar ceiling.

The muscles in his arm flex as he unconsciously pulls MC closer to his side, their bare skin flush against his own, still fever hot and damp with sweat, leaving the sheet thrown loosely over them clinging awkwardly to their tired bodies.

It should be uncomfortable, but he barely notices.

His focus is elsewhere as MCs leg hooks over his own, their hand finding its way to his chest, running across his skin, back and forth, in a soothing pattern that brings a contented sigh to his lips. I could get used to this.

"I should probably go." His voice sounds worn, his throat sore, whether from too much use or not enough, he isn't sure. "It's going to be a long day tomorrow."

MC hums, a non-committal sound that leaves the decision firmly in Murphy's hands.

The silence stretches out as he tries to convince himself to leave. There's no reason to make this more complicated than it is. If MC wanted him to stay they would have said so. He should go home, take a shower and sleep in his own damn bed.

His thoughts are drawn to a halt as his attention falls to MC, a single finger tracing a nonsense pattern of whorls and loops against his skin...

Except it's not nonsense. And they aren't just whorls. And suddenly his heart is in his throat and there's nothing that he wants more than to hear them say those words out loud.

"I could stay. If you wanted me to."

MC hums again, punctuated it with a soft brush of their lips against his shoulder. He can feel their smile. "Goodnight Murphy."

Shae -

Shae brushes the grass from their trousers as they stand and take in the night sky. The moon is full and the sky clear, a perfect night for charging their crystals. They take a deep breath of the crisp night air and smile, they really do love their garden.

"So, now what?"

MCs voice cuts through the silence and Shae feels themself smile as they turn towards them. They hadn't expected MC to show any real interest in this side of their life, but it had been a pleasant surprise nonetheless. "Now, we wait."

MC nods and it takes all of Shae's effort not to laugh. They're not sure they ever seen MC look so unsure of what to do with themself. They watch as MC looks around before taking a seat on the back step, taking a minute to stare up at the night sky, the view drastically different than the view from their city apartment, no doubt.

Shae pulls their top tighter, wrapping their arms around themself as they take a seat next to MC, the air chilly but not unbearably so. Not yet, anyway.

The silence is comfortable, but Shae is still pleased when MC turns their way, a conspiratorial smile on their face, their voice hushed like they're sharing a secret.

"You know, my grandmother took me to a fortune teller once. She had a crystal ball and the incense smoke was so thick it stung my eyes." Shae raises an eyebrow, curious as to where MC is taking this when they reach out a hand, gesturing for Shae to do the same. "She told me she could read my whole future from just the lines in the palm of my hand."

Shae watches as MCs fingers slide across the back of their hand before turning it over, palm up in the moonlight, their focus intent as they start to trail along each of the lines there. Their voice turns soft as they both stare down at Shae's palm, and the letters now being written there. A silent confession, too loud a thing for the peacefulness of the night.

"I wonder what she would've seen in yours."

Callie -

Callie's laugh is full and rich as MCs hand dances over her bare ribs. She fights the urge to bat them away as MC tells her to stay still once again, seemingly determined to follow the trail of beauty marks that litter her torso.

"It tickles!" She complains loudly for the hundredth time, no real bite in her words as MC shrugs off her complaints, "Come on, Cal, I want to get it right at least once."

Callie rolls her eyes but acquiesces, the laughter quickly bubbling up once more as the gentle loops and curves send shockwaves rippling across her skin. "Enough, enough! I give!"

She pulls her body away from their touch before rolling even closer than before. Her fingertips lightly trace along MCs collar bone as she settles her body against theirs, her eyes sparkling. "Now do I get to have my way with you?"

Toni -

"I think you might be back-dead, dude."

Toni laughs as MC turns to playfully shove at their shoulder, dropping the raised shirt back into place and re-covering the bare skin of their back. "I am not! It's just impossible."

"Uh-huh." Toni hums in fake agreement, smiling to themself as they lean back against the railing, checking their pockets for their lighter. "Whatever you say."

MC rolls their eyes before producing the offending lighter from somewhere. Toni gives a nod of thanks before relighting their joint and taking a long inhale. Cocking their head to one side they consider the almost pouting MC and can't resist rubbing it in, just a little bit. "I'll prove it." They declare, confidently.

They shift in their seated position until they face out across the city, their back entirely to MC. They place the joint between their lips before raising their arms and pulling the back of their hoodie up, exposing their skin to the night air. "Try me."

There's a long moment when Toni thinks they're not going to do it, but when the exasperated sigh comes, they know they've won. They smile to themself as they take another hit, listening as MC shifts around behind them.

When MCs fingers finally brush against Toni's naked skin, neither of them miss the way their shoulders jump of their own volition, the muscles there rippling, as anticipation suddenly tears through them both.

There's a heavy moment of silence before Toni manages to force out a laugh, they're aiming for nonchalance, they're not sure if they manage it. "Well? Are you going to write something?" They glance back over their shoulder, a tight smile on their face. "Can't exactly prove you wrong otherwise, can I?"

MC levels them with a look that makes Toni's smile a lot less forced, before turning their attention back to the task at hand.

MC starts to write and Toni is pleased to find they have no trouble identifying the letters.

Then comes the second word.

By the third, Toni's eyes are pinched closed as they push down the urge to turn to MC, to say those words, to confess every thought they've had but never said, every feeling they've denied, every hope that just will not die no matter what Toni tells themself.

Instead, Toni laughs. "Damn." they say, shaking their head. "I guess you were right after all." The tone rings just convincingly enough that Toni almost flinches. Lies on top of lies.

They drop their shirt back into place, only half hearing whatever non-truth MC offers back to them. The knot in their stomach too distracting to ignore. They deserve better.

[btsmosphere]

Sparkle | JJK

~summary:

Jungkook may have been planning a little something... a powercut is only a small barrier

Jungkook x female!reader

~word count: 2.5k

~roommates au, friends to lovers, getting together, fluff

Rating: g

Warnings: irresponsible milk drinking(?), tons of fluff

~a/n: so I am taking part in a bingo writing challenge with @btsholidaybingo​ and this is the first of my bingo squares: ‘xmas lights’!! It’s a really fun challenge and I am working on a lot more to come!

At this time of night, when it’s not really night but it’s too dark to still be day, you can enjoy the Christmas lights. From your window, it feels as if you can see the whole city – your house is right at the top of the hill.

Right now, when you can turn your own light off and admire the multicoloured constellations sprawled across the valley, it’s nice. However, when you go to bed it’s a different story. In the darkness of your room at night, it’s all too easy for the festive glow to sneak around your curtains and keep you awake.

Jungkook’s cooking at the moment, so you don’t want to go out and see what kind of horrors are going on in your kitchen.

At least it means he’s taken his music with him. That’s the thing about Jungkook: he’s always surrounded by music. And really, you don’t mind it. In fact, it’s something you’ve come to love. It’s reassuring, knowing another living person is just next door even if you’re snowed under with work and haven’t seen him all day.

And if you haven’t seen Jungkook, it is a bad day indeed.

But at this time of night, when it’s not really night but it’s too dark to still be day, you will take the peace and enjoy the Christmas lights.

Blinking, you realise you zoned out. The lights were floating in your unfocussed vision, but you soon pulled your attention back in. Sweeping your eyes once more over the cityscape, you noticed a darker section.

Then another patch of lights blinked off.

Vaguely, your memory reminded you that was what had jerked you to attention a moment ago. Lights cutting out. It felt like they should merely flicker, and you watched, feeling as if you were in mid-air, waiting for the inevitable moment of meeting the ground again.

But instead, a whole new square of the city fell into darkness.

And then, suddenly, you were blinking, eyes protesting at the newfound dark you had been submerged in. You were frozen, for a second.

Then you whipped around, as if you would find something coming up behind you. Nonsense, really. Your room had already been in darkness to let you watch the lights.

Walking across the space with nothing but muscle memory, your hand stretched out, hesitantly groping for the light switch. When your fingers stumbled across it, you flicked it.

Nothing.

With a sigh, you flipped the switch back off and stuck your head from your bedroom door.

“Kook?”

Your voice came softer than you expected, probably not reaching down the hall. Just as you cleared your throat, the concerning sound of something clattering to the floor interrupted you.

Eyebrows shooting up, you went straight to investigate.

“Kook!” you called into the dark kitchen. As you squinted, you could make out a human-sized shape on the floor, “Are you okay?”

“I think the power went out,” his voice returned.

Though you rolled your eyes, a smile sprung irresistibly to your face.

“Yeah, I had noticed,” you chuckled, “do you need some help-?”

Stepping into the space, it seems your calculations were off. Jungkook was a lot closer than you had expected and your leg hit him, tripping you up. But before you could topple over, Kook’s hands materialised at your hips, pushing you upright again.

“Woah, hey,” he laughed breathlessly, “careful.”

Clambering up from his knees to stand in front of you, you could hear the charming smile he was flashing at you rather than see it. Flustered, you stepped back and away from his hold. For a moment longer, he seemed to forget himself before he dived back down to retrieve the bowl he had dropped.

“Right, well, er,” you struggled to collect your thoughts, “don’t open the fridge until the power comes back. Do we have any candles, or anything-“

“Wait, Y/N, I just started cooking! I need to put everything back in the fridge. What if I open it really fast?”

“I don’t know…” you admitted.

Standing side by side in the dark, staring at the fridge for some sort of answer, you never felt more like a student. Which, of course, you were, but you hadn’t felt this clueless about something since the first time you did your own washing in first year.

“Well, I already cooked the bacon,” Jungkook said, “so it’s really just the milk and cheese.”

“I suppose you could risk opening the fridge,” you shrugged.

“Maybe…” he was chewing his lip. You knew he was.

Sighing, you spun on your heel and headed towards the door again.

“I’m going to go and see if we have any candles, or something.”

Back in your room, you rummaged blindly in your drawer for your phone. Often, as today, you stored it in there to avoid getting distracted by it when you had work to do.

Thankfully, it lit up, but boasted pitifully low charge. You just had to hope it would last long enough for you to find an alternative light source.

Pressing the button for the torch, you started at your wardrobe, wondering if you had any candles left over from birthday presents tucked away. None there, or in your desk or underneath your bed. Resurfacing from between the dusty boxes you kept under there, you slumped back against your bed.

Casting your eye fruitlessly around your room once more, you heaved yourself to your feet.

“Kook, can I go look in your room?” you called, walking back down to the kitchen.

Instead of a response, though, you were met with a spluttering sound. Entering the room, your torch illuminated Kook, hunched over with a milk bottle in one hand. His other was covering his mouth.

“What are you doing now?” you asked, incredulous.

Lifting his head, he coughed once more, sending a single drop of milk down his chin. His shirt was also spattered with it. Tilting you head, you raised your eyebrows.

“Please tell me you’re not chugging our milk.”

“You said not to open the fridge,” he mumbled weakly.

“Oh my god…” you sighed. Unfortunately, you couldn’t help the sudden burst of laughter that overtook you when he gave you full puppy-dog eyes.

“You’re a mess, Jeon Jungkook,” you smiled, “go and get another sweater.”

“This is the only one you haven’t stolen!” he protested.

Biting your lip, you looked bashfully down at the large black jumper you currently had on. Maybe he was right.

A second afterwards, your phone light drastically dimmed. There it stayed for a moment longer as you met Kook’s eyes, before you were both sent back into darkness.

“Ugh,” you groaned, “okay. You can have this jumper, but you need to take that one off. And then we need to find some lights.”

Knowing you were under the cover of darkness, you lifted Jungkook’s sweater over your head and held it out for him. Standing in only your bra and jeans, you noticed the effects of the heating being down.

“Kook,” you shook the jumper in what you hoped was his direction, “take it, come on. I’m cooold.”

“S-sorry,” he stammered, fabric soon leaving your hand.

Trekking back through the hallway, Kook following you this time, you parted ways to go into your respective rooms. You made your way to your wardrobe again with arms outstretched and felt around, picking the first jumper you came into contact with.

“Tada!”

The shout came as you had just put one arm into the sweater. Jumping around, you were met with a bundle of lights and a beaming Jungkook lit up behind them.

“Oh- sorry,” his eyes suddenly grew very round and he turned his back before you could blink.

Tugging the jumper on with haste, you cleared your throat.

“You found lights, then?”

“Yeah, um,” he looked tentatively over his shoulder to confirm it was safe before turning to face you again, “my mum sent up Christmas decorations, remember?”

“Oh! I didn’t realise,” you said, beaming nonetheless, “how come we haven’t put them up yet?”

“Uh, just didn’t have the time, I guess,” he replied as you scooped up a battery pack and began untangling the fairy lights attached to it.

While you worked, a cute frown making its way onto your face as you fought against the knotted wires, Jungkook just watched you through the mass of glowing lights. At last, you got the end free, your victory dance shaking him from his stupor.

“Do you know any card games?” you asked, draping the string of lights around your neck as you did so.

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“That’s what people do in power cuts, right?” you brushed past him.

“Um… I guess it is,” Jungkook followed you through to the living room.

Making a start by placing your string of lights along the back of the big sofa, you waited for Jungkook to join in. He was being awfully quiet. After a few moments, he did get the idea and placed the whole luminescent bunch onto the middle sofa cushion, beginning work on your vision.

“God, how many of these are there?” you laughed dryly when you pulled out the third battery pack.

“No idea,” he grimaced, “I thought you liked Christmas lights anyway?”

“I do,” you conceded, “I think they’re working better than candles would have, too.”

Eventually, the two of you had cocooned your living space in the lights. The nest of space between your sofa, rug and chairs was bathed in the warm white light. Stepping back, you couldn’t help but smile.

It was still too quiet, though.

“Are you alright?” you asked quietly.

“Hmm? Yeah,” Jungkook spoke, standing to join you observing your hard work.

“You just seem quiet,” you mumbled.

As if to prove your point, Jungkook let silence elapse between you. But, like always with you two, it was comfortable.

“Cards?” he prompted after a while.

“Oh, yes,” you remembered, tearing your eyes from the scene in front of you to the boy at your side, “do we… own a pack of cards?”

Lips parting in thought, he tilted his head to one side.

“We don’t, do we?”

At the same time, you both grinned, laughing softly. The sight of his smile only served to make yours wider.

“Blankets?” he proposed instead.

You quickly agreed. On your return to the living room, you laughed out loud, finding Jungkook holding out a wine glass full of milk for you.

“I could grate some cheese for dinner but that’s just depressing,” he gave a small smile.

Laughing loudly, you made a show of swirling the milk around your cup and sniffing at it like the tasters on tv, before sipping it.

However, Jungkook’s laughter cut off as he sunk down beside you, his fingers fidgeting around the stalk of his own glass.

“Kook, what’s going on?” you gently elbowed him, “you’re so quiet.”

“I, er,” he freed a hand to scratch at the back of his neck, “how about some music?”

“Yeah, okay,” you frowned, “but, Kook, the power’s out-“

“Just wait here, okay?”

And then he was gone before you could protest, practically running from the room.

Was something seriously wrong? You knew you had been busy lately, but you always tried to make time to see your flatmate. In all honesty, he was the highlight of your day, and you had to stop yourself from fantasising about being more than friends…

But right now, you were worried. Right now, it seemed like he needed a friend, but since when had he started acting like this?

Before you could get up and follow him, though, you heard his footsteps returning. Not a moment later, he rounded the corner with a guitar in his hand. Definitely not what you had been expecting.

“I didn’t know you played guitar,” you said. It surprised you; for all that you could hear his music from your room, you would have thought you’d have heard if he had been playing the guitar.

“I’ve been learning,” he didn’t quite meet your eyes, shuffling his feet.

“Okay,” you spoke slowly.

While you waited, he walked forwards and sat on one of the chairs facing you.

Just before he began, he looked up. Somehow your heart melted at his big eyes, heart already in your mouth for some reason.

And then his face was lit up in profile again, soft glow highlighting his features. As you gazed at him, unable to look away, his fingers began to pick out a soft tune. For someone so modest, he was incredibly skilled. Watching and listening in awe, your heart nearly burst when he started singing too.

His voice, though he sang softly, clearly a little nervous, floored you. And the words… he was singing about love, about a beautiful girl that made him happy, a girl he wanted to stay happy.

In your head, you had the privilege of imagining that girl was you.

All too soon, the song came to a close.

Staring at him, you held your breath to the last second before he relaxed, lowering his hand and putting his guitar to one side.

“That was beautiful, Kook,” you breathed.

But instead of responding, he stood, taking your gaze with him as he crossed to sit beside you on the sofa. A small smile curved his lips, a ghost of a laugh falling between them.

“I had a whole night planned out,” he waved his hand, “I was making carbonara, and-and I had all these decorations waiting in my room, I know you love them…”

While he took a deep breath, yours was completely stuck in your throat.

“I’m sorry about the, uh, the milk,” he chuckled, “it’s not exactly romantic, but… I was wondering if you wanted to be my girlfriend?”

Finally having forced the words out, he looked nervously up at you with glistening eyes, no doubt thanks to your magical setup. He watched with that unwavering gaze as you tried desperately to form words in your head, simultaneously trying to process if you were in the real world at all.

“Please answer,” he whispered.

Until then you hadn’t noticed how impossibly close to each other you were. Until his words brushed against your lips.

Suddenly your brain caught up with itself, deciding this was real after all.

“O-of course,” you rushed out, tongue momentarily darting to your lips, “yes, yes!”

“Yes?” he repeated, eyes widening more, if that was possible, seeming in total disbelief.

With sudden bravery, you surged forwards, pressing your lips to his. Melting into the kiss, you felt his hands float up to your waist, hesitant at first until you kissed him harder, pulling him forwards with your hands fisted in the sweater you had recently given up.

Now he was kissing back with equal measures of hunger and tenderness, hands holding you firmly.

When you broke apart, exhilarated and reluctant to let each other go, you let your forehead fall against his.

“Yes.”

The grin he awarded you was brighter than all the lights around you. And later that night when the city burst into light again, barging past your curtains to interrupt your darkness, neither of you paid it any mind.

Hope you enjoyed! Please reblog if you did💜xx

@aianloveseven​ @preciouschimine​ 

Contact me to be tagged in new work!

[fandom-space-princess]

Radio Silence

midam week prompt 3: Connection - a relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else

Rating: Teen

[1.5k words, angst with a happy ending and hurt/comfort]

One by one, the voices of the Host are falling silent.

Michael struggles to come to terms with the deaths of his family. Adam helps.

read below the cut, or on AO3

Michael's first memory of Lucifer is song.

The Creation was still so young then, so new. For some undefinable period of existence, Michael had been not First, but Only. Sole companion to Father in his dominion of light. Though time had no meaning in that early formless void, in Michael's memories his solitary existence at his Father's side was a small stretch of eternity.

He did not know loneliness. How could he? He had his Father. Moreover, he had no basis for comparison.

But from one moment (or year or epoch) to the next, he was suddenly no longer Only.

Father's hands, alternately stirring and stilling the fabric of spacetime around him. Urging matter and energy into coalescence, a weave of plasma and starlight and intention condensing in on itself. Reaching out and taking a piece of Michael himself, his essence of silver and steel, the better to bind and grow this new creature. As he did all things, Michael gave of himself joyously. Felt the twist of his rehomed grace as it rooted and flourished, blossoming and expanding into —

(this creature of blinding luminescence, stretching wings like his own from grace like his own with a voice, oh, a voice like his own)

The Second turned to face the First, and raised his voice in glory. Michael, knowing naught but the love and the rightness of it, echoed back the song. And all the kingdom of his Father, all the dominion of light, rang with the birth of the first harmony.

— companion.

Kin. 

Second.

Go, My creations. Father's whispered first instructions. Go forth and expand My domain, in My name.

Singing, they circled each other. They flew through the void trailing gravity in their wake, shedding stardust from their vast wings, and nebulas swirled into being as they passed. Where they went, existence followed.

Soon their Father called them home, and commanded them to give of themselves once more.

Grace from the First, grace from the Second. Starstuff and intention, and twin blooms of being. The Third, a creature of bright sparking joy and gentle hands, so like Father's. The Fourth, wings as golden and unwavering as the timbre of his voice.

They were Four, and at Father's side they were complete. Theirs was the first choir.

There came a time, of course, when more voices joined the chorus. In the millennia that followed, Michael grew to love all of his brothers; every voice in the Host was welcomed, wanted, cherished, a vital addition to the melody. Such was Heaven. Yet for the rest of his long existence, Michael would guard most closely those early memories. Before their smaller kin had been spoken into being. Before Father's absence. Before the amputation of self that was Lucifer's Fall, was Gabriel's departure.

When they were Four, in and of only each other, and their melody was whole.

-----

"Can you still hear them?" Adam asked once, and Michael had been unable to meet his eyes.

The Cage was a lonely place, only the four of them. But at least Michael still had this connection, however tenuous, to his brothers. Adam didn't even have that much.

After a heartbeat (or a year or an epoch; the quality of time passing here was oddly reminiscent of the timeless Beginning), Michael nodded.

"I can," he murmured, "if I focus. I can't reach out to them, but... I can hear them."

The voices of the Host in his mind. Years, now, since the choir of Heaven sung in well-ordered harmony, but they were there nonetheless. Discordance or not, their presence gave him comfort.

He had glanced at Lucifer, brooding on the other side of the Cage near Sam Winchester's sleeping form. Adam had followed his gaze.

"What about him?" Adam asked. "Does he talk to you? Does he try to talk to them?"

Michael shook his head.

"He hasn't tried to talk to me in a very long time," he sighed. "I doubt he has any greater interest in the others."

-----

Something is brewing. The singing of his brothers is strident, strained. There is no harmony here.

There is fighting, and whispers. One by one, voices begin to vanish from the chorus.

----

No amount of the Host falling silent can compare to the moment Raphael is slain.

Lucifer does meet his eyes, then. For the first time in a hundred years, their gazes lock across the expanse of the Cage, and Michael knows that their pain is, in that instant, identical.

Gone, gone, gone. It hadn't felt like this when Gabriel died, and why...? But Michael hurts too much to think about it, too much to do anything but let himself be gathered into Adam's lap and weep.

He feels a part of his grace return to him then, a piece missing since the beginning. An remnant of bright sparking joy and caring hands. His healing, gentle brother.

He has never wanted anything less.

-----

Michael's head is splitting, his grace tearing apart at the seams. Thousands of voices reverberating agony. Deaths — there had never been so many of their kind to perish at once. Deaths and an echo of war cries, some in terror, some in joy, and all the same.

Castiel. Castiel. Castiel!

He slumps into Adam's arms, hands gripped tight enough to bruise on his vessel's shoulders. Adam runs fingertips over his scalp and mutters soothing nonsense into his ear.

He wonders if Lucifer can hear them too. Wonders if he cares.

-----

Sometime around year 700, Lucifer disappears from the Cage. One moment, he is there, a silent shadow opposite Michael and Adam, and the next — he is gone.

For a while, this feels like a glimmer of hope. A sick sort of hope. But hope nonetheless.

Even this fades in time.

They have long since passed the point of keeping anything from each other. Down here, with no one to hear them but the Cage walls and the howling damned, Adam cradles Michael's head on his lap while the archangel whispers fears, fears of silence and the dark, and clutches his hand.

Adam's soul is not like the grace of his brothers. Michael's mouth twists in wry amusement at the notion. Once, his younger self would have considered a human soul to be beneath his notice — unable to be harmonized with, such a far cry from the resplendence of celestial hymns. But in the confines of the Cage, against the growing backdrop of silence and static from the Host, Michael has found himself in a position to reevaluate.

Quiet Adam's soul may be, small and fragile and human. But it is so much more than that, too. Its song is steadfast, so determined, and the love it radiates is all the more fierce for the comparison to Michael's divinity.

Here in the dark, Adam is a lighthouse. And Michael —

— it is blasphemous to even think it, but Michael has never seen a light so bright.

-----

When Gabriel dies, this time, he knows it. Can feel the reality of it in threading back into his grace, broken strands of gold returning to wend back whence they originated.

It is no comfort that Lucifer follows soon after.

He stares up at the shadowy ceiling of the Cage, and contemplates what it is to be Only once again.

-----

"I can't hear any of them any more," he says one day, and Adam pulls him back to lean against his chest, sheltering in his arms.

"None at all?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing. It's just static."

Too quiet. It had never been quiet before. Not since the Beginning. This — this can't be the End. This is all wrong, it can't, it can't. His grace flares out, one long distressed lash, glaring and harsh in the dim space.

"Hey, hey. Listen to me, Michael." Adam is a comforting weight at his back. "I've got you. I've got you."

Adam begins to sing.

He is not companion and other-self and kin-in-kind, not the way Lucifer and Raphael and Gabriel were. Not even a long-beloved note among the melody of the Host.

His voice is not like his brothers' — Adam sings human hymns, songs he only half-recollects from a childhood a thousand years gone. But there is something in it, a vein of simple solace that has Michael's grace reaching out to brush up against and twine around Adam's soul.

Adam sings, and there Michael takes shelter. Adam raises his voice, and there Michael finds love.

Michael's own voice is cracking, rusty from disuse. It has been so long since he sang. But as he allows his grace to ebb and thrum along with the words, matches pitch and volume with Adam until they might ring through into even the depths of the Pit outside, he finds the harmony that he had feared gone for good.

Archangel and vessel join in song, and Michael hopes this may not be the End after all.

Hopes that, maybe, they can sing a new Beginning.

[musette22]

As it's Chris' birthday today, what's your Evanstan headcon for how they are spending it? We don't know if Chris is still in LA (as far as I know), do you think he might be back in Boston to be with his family? That would mean Seb could easily visit him now that the lockdown in NYC is over. Or would he fly to LA to celebrate with his bf? (He hasn't been seen in NYC in the last couple of days either, right?) Or will the only hang out virtually? I would love to know what you are imagining 😊

Hello darling!! So yesterday, I said I probably wasn’t going to write any Evanstan for a while, but then I woke up this morning and had a lovely little Evanstan headcanon fantasy about Chris’s birthday - as you do - and then I thought screw it, let’s write this thing. So here’s a little drabble (well, it should’ve been a drabble) about how Chris might have spent his birthday 😘

A/N: This is just a nonsensical little fantasy scenario that doesn’t actually make any sense, but the idea made me happy, so I hope it’ll make you guys happy too! Don’t look too closely, please, there’s some overlap with previous fics and this was all written very quickly and hasn’t been edited properly because it’s late where I am and I need to sleep lmao 🙈 Sorry about that!

Happy birthday, Mr. America 

*********

Chris likes surprises, generally speaking.

Not the nasty kind, like when a part unexpectedly falls through, or someone gets angry at him out of the blue and he doesn’t know what he’s done wrong. But he likes it when exciting things happen and shake things up a bit, like when he’s having a lazy day alone at home, and a friend suddenly shows up on his doorstep to tell him, change of plans, we’re going bungee jumping. When that happens, Chris will happily drop whatever he’s doing and jump in the car, because that’s the kind of thing that makes him feel alive.

So when he arrives at the Evans’ family house today, on his birthday, and is greeted by a chorus of Surprise! and Happy Birthdays from a bunch of people he hasn’t seen ages - literal years, in some cases - Chris is delighted and touched; excited to see familiar faces and catch up with his friends and family.

That excited feeling lasts for a solid few hours, until his Aunt Melanie corners him and starts telling Chris about her Pilates instructor. This isn’t the first time she’s tried to set Chris up with whichever wonderful girl she’s most recently met and feels would be perfect for Chris, but this time she’s really hammering on about how she just can’t understand why a good-looking, successful young man like him hasn’t found a wife yet. She no doubt means well, but that doesn’t mean Chris is about to go on a blind date with her Pilates instructor.

When he’s finally managed to excuse himself under the pretense of needing a bathroom break, he sneaks off to the back of the house, to his dad’s old study. As soon as the door closes behind him, he lets out a sigh of relief and leans back against it for a moment, catching his breath. He loves his family to bits, but there’s no denying they’re a lot. There’s a sofa in the study, a wide, navy blue one, and Chris lies down on it, stretching himself to his full length. He closes his eyes, hoping to nap for a couple of minutes, but no dice. His aunt’s comments play in his head on a loop, causing something uneasy to stir in his stomach.

The thing is, she’s right. He should already be married and have a couple of cute kids to dote on. He’s wanted to have a family and settle down for a long time, ever since he got done with sowing his wild oats and calmed down a little. He’s the long-term relationship kind, and there had been a few girlfriends with whom he thought he definitely could see a future.

That had been Before, though. Before Sebastian Stan had waltzed into his life and upended everything Chris thought he knew for certain, complicating everything in the best and worst possible way. After the initial shock of developing feelings for another guy wore off, Chris had simply accepted his infatuation as a fact of life, and it had become something he carried with him always, but never acted on or even spoke of. He wouldn’t know where to start. It was clear there was something between them, though. The way Sebastian looked at him sometimes… It had to mean something. For the longest time, they’d danced around each other, always just shy of outright flirting, and there had been a few times when Chris really thought something might finally happen between them. But it never did.

And now it never would. They’ve hardly even seen each other, over the past year, after they stopped working together. Sure, they kept in touch from time to time, but there is only so much keeping in touch two work friends can plausibly do before it gets weird or necessarily has to turn into something else. And Chris thought he’d accepted that, more or less.

But then last week, he and Scott had gotten drunk together – like really, stupidly drunk. At around 3 in the morning, Scott had put on The First Avenger so he could make fun of Chris in his skin tight leggings, and then suddenly Sebastian’s face had been right there on his TV screen: larger than life, young and handsome like he’d been when Chris first felt that tug in his gut when he’d looked at him.

And Chris, whose brain-to-mouth filter unfortunately ceases to exist entirely whenever he’s had too much to drink, had just blurted out, “I think I’m in love with him.”

Initially, Scott had thought Chris meant that Steve was in love with Bucky. 

“Well, clearly,” he’d slurred. “They’re soooo gay, oh my god.”

And instead of using the misunderstanding to cover up for his unfortunate drunken slip-up, Chris had slowly shook his head and corrected, “No, with Sebastian. ‘M in love with Sebastian. Have been for a long time, I think.”

He’d passed out not long after, possibly his subconscious’ way of trying to protect himself against the barrage of questions from Scott that Chris had been in no state to answer in that moment. Inevitably, Scott had tried to talk to him about it the next day, but Chris – hungover, embarrassed and annoyed with himself for opening his big mouth and spilling this secret that he’d managed to keep for close to a decade – had told Scott to leave it and that he didn’t want to talk about it. Nothing was ever going to come of this now anyway, so it was much better if they could all just forget it ever happened.

Scott and he had gone to dinner at their mom’s that night, and of course, Lisa had instantly sensed something was off. Unfortunately, Chris never did stand a chance in hell against his mother, so when she took him to aside after dinner and outright asked him what was wrong, he’d had no choice but to spill the beans. Besides, if he didn’t, Scott would probably have found a way to guilt him into telling Lisa, eventually - they’d always shared everything with her, after all.

Lisa had been so loving and understanding, just like Chris knew she would, and despite the aching in his chest, he was grateful and a little bit relieved to know he wasn’t keeping something this significant from her any longer. But in the end, it didn’t change anything. Of course, Lisa had asked him why he didn’t just go for it, told him to just go for it, call Sebastian and ask him out for dinner, but Chris had dismissed all her suggestions. It just wasn’t going to happen. Certainly not now, not anymore.

She’d dropped it, eventually, but Chris is under no illusions that he’s heard the last of it.

Since then, he’d tried to put the whole fiasco out of his mind, but then Aunt Melanie started badgering him about his marital status and it had all come rushing back again.

Just when Chris about to give up on trying to nap and head outside to get some fresh air instead, there’s a knock at the door.

Chris sighs, rubbing his eyes. “Come in,” he calls, not bothering to get up because it’s probably his mom coming to check on him. “Hey, mom,” he says, when Lisa’s head does appear around the door.

“Hi, sweetheart,” she replies, smiling. She opens the door a little wider. “There’s someone here to see you.”

“Oh?” Chris says, sitting up a little straighter for whatever friend or family member his mom wants him to meet so urgently, but then Lisa steps aside to reveal –  

Sebastian.

Sebastian is here. In his mom’s house. Standing right there, looking a little apprehensive and unsure, but still so fucking gorgeous it makes Chris’s heart stop for a moment inside his chest, before it starts up again at double speed.

“Hey, Chris,” Sebastian says, and it’s his voice, he’s really here, in Chris’s dad’s old study, speaking actual words at him.

What the fuck.

Chris gets to his feet so fast he feels a bit lightheaded, lightly swaying on his feet before he manages to get some semblance of a reply. "Hi. What- Sebastian. What are you doing here?"

Sebastian’s eyes flicker to Lisa for a moment, looking at her a little uncertainly. She gives him an encouraging nod.

“Um,” Sebastian starts, turning his eyes back to Chris again. “Lisa, your mom, invited me to your surprise birthday party.” He licks his lips nervously. “So, yeah, happy birthday. And, um. Surprise.” The last word is accompanied by a dorky little wave, and Chris is just. Speechless.

Literally, can’t form any words speechless, which is highly unusual for him. When he just keeps standing there, staring a Sebastian like he’s some kind of fata morgana, Lisa rolls her eyes and nudges Sebastian with her elbow.

“Well, go on, then,” she prompts, nodding in Chris’s direction. “He won’t bite.” Then, the look in her eyes turns mischievous, and Chris has half a second to think oh no, before she adds, “Unless you like that sort of thing, of course, but then he'd ask first. I raised him well.”

Sebastian makes a strangled sound, but starts towards him nonetheless, and before he really knows what’s happening, Chris is holding Sebastian in his arms. Holding him in his arms and burying his face in the crook of his neck and breathing him in. Sebastian’s arms go around him, too, a little tentative at first, but growing tighter, more secure, the longer the hug lasts. 

And it lasts, much longer than a casual happy birthday hug between friends is supposed to last, but Chris can’t for the life of him bring himself to let go. He knows he’s clinging, that he’s got his nose pressed to the spot below Sebastian’s ear and that’s probably far too intimate, but Sebastian’s arms around are wound tightly around Chris’s waist and his cheek is presses to the side of Chris’s face, and he’s not letting go either.

Finally, after what feels simultaneously like forever and the blink of an eye, Sebastian inhales shakily, his chest expanding against Chris’s. With Herculean effort, Chris makes himself pull away. But, of course, that brings with it the complication of being able to see Sebastian’s face, flustered and glowing, eyes shining with something unnameable. They’re so close then, their faces only an inch or so apart, and when Sebastian’s eyes flicker down to Chris’s mouth for a split second, Chris’s restraint breaks.

He lunges forward, and Sebastian does the same, and their mouths crash together awkwardly and suddenly, they’re kissing. Really, actually kissing. 

Chris’s hands fly to Sebastian’s face, holding it like it’s something precious, causing Sebastian to make a small, desperate sound that reverberates throughout Chris’s entire body. When he licks at the seam of Sebastian’s lips, Sebastian parts them immediately, letting him in, and Chris is drowning. Drowning in the kiss, in Sebastian’s taste, his smell, the little sighs he’s making against Chris’s lips, like he’s just as overwhelmed and stupefied and happy as Chris is, while they cling to each other like they’re each scared the other’s going to disappear if they dare to let up for just one second.

Eventually, though, they have to break apart for air. Chris presses their foreheads together, unwilling to put any more distance between them than is strictly necessary, still breathing the same air. When Chris eventually opens his eyes, he finds Sebastian looking back at him in a way that makes his knees feel suddenly weak.

"Hi," Seb says, voice low and husky.

"Hey," Chris replies, his hands on either side of Sebastian’s face, thumbs idly caressing his cheekbones.

Sebastian giggles, a light, happy sound that makes his nose do that scrunchy thing it does, and Chris wants to die. He groans, pulling Sebastian back in by the back of his neck –

And then Lisa clears her throat. Sebastian startles; he’d evidently forgotten she was still there, or maybe assumed she’d have left to give them their privacy, but that just goes to show Sebastian doesn’t know Lisa very well – yet.

"Well,” Lisa says, a grin in her voice. “I'll leave you two to it then, let me know if you need anything.” She pauses, before cheekily adding, “Anything at all."

“Yes, thank you, mom,” Chris says quickly, keen to spare Sebastian any further embarrassment. Sebastian’s hiding his face in Chris’s chest as it is, arms still wound around his waist, and Chris is literally about to pass out from how fucking cute that is.

Holding up a placating hand, Lisa finally retreats, closing the door behind her.

Once they’re alone, Chris steers Sebastian towards the couch, sitting down and pulling him into his lap. Sebastian lets himself be guided, straddling Chris’s thighs and giving him a coy look through his eyelashes. Chris blows out a slow breath to center himself a little, bringing up his hands to settle on Sebastian’s waist.

He knows they’ll need to talk about this at some point, but right now he can’t think of a single way to express what he’s feeling, and what this means to him. Right now, all he can do is stare at Sebastian in wonder, relishing finally getting to look at him the way he’s always wanted to: unabashedly, fondly, and very appreciative of exactly how tempting Sebastian’s lips look – especially after having been thoroughly kissed. By him.

“Fuck,” Chris breathes, overwhelmed, leaning in again to catch those pretty pink lips in another kiss.

Sebastian responds beautifully, opening up right away, melting into him. His arms wind around Chris’s shoulders, fingers scratching gently through the hair on the back of Chris’s head, making him shiver.

It’s sweet, at first; lips sliding together lazily, slow and lush, but eventually, the kisses turn a little dirtier, with nipping teeth and teasing tongues. When Sebastian bites Chris’s bottom lip a bit too hard, pulling on it, Chris literally goes cross-eyed for a second. The hand that found its way into Sebastian’s hair tightens instinctively, pulling his head back just a little.

“Oh,” Sebastian breathes, eyelids fluttering, and Chris instantly feels all his blood rushing south.

He can’t believe it. He can’t believe he has Sebastian here, in his lap, looking like innocence and sin wrapped into one, looking at him through heavy lidded eyes like it’s Chris who’s something to be desired. And Chris wants. He wants so bad, with every fiber of his being, to have Sebastian right there and then, but he has just enough presence of mind left to know that they can’t rush this, can’t make any rash decisions they might later regret if they don’t talk about what’s happening first.

Words still seem impossible, however, so instead, Chris takes one of Sebastian’s hands in his and presses a kiss to the center his palm, hoping to convey with that one gesture everything he wants to say but can’t.

When he looks back up, Sebastian blinks at him, his eyes wide and stunned, before he suddenly grabs Chris’s face between his hands and starts planting breathless kisses on his cheeks, his eyelids, his forehead, and even his nose. Chris lets himself be kissed, basks in it, feeling like his heart might burst, and when Sebastian finally presses his lips to his mouth, Chris seizes the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Despite Chris’s best intentions, it turns heated again in no time. Without his permission, his hands slide under Sebastian’s shirt, stroking the smooth, warm skin of his back, while Sebastian mouths at Chris’s jaw, then trails a path of kisses down the column of his neck.

“Seb,” Chris groans, hands tightening convulsively on Sebastian’s waist. “Sebastian, wait.”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” Sebastian pants, lifting his head to look down at him. He’s disheveled, his hair a mess, pupils blown, his lips red and a little raw from mouthing at Chris’s beard. He looks stunning.

“Jesus, you’re beautiful,” Chris says honestly, touching Sebastian’s left cheek.

Sebastian ducks his head turning his face into Chris’s palm, but he’s smiling, which makes Chris smile, too, then they’re just smiling at each other like a couple of dorks.

Chris shifts their positions to get more comfortable, tugging at Sebastian until they’re both lying on the couch on their sides, face to face. Pulling him closer, into his chest, Chris swings a leg over both of Sebastian’s, and Sebastian takes the hint immediately, snuggling into Chris and tucking his head under his chin so they’re full on cuddling.

“Best fucking birthday present ever,” Chris mutters into Sebastian’s hair, his hand tracing idle patters on Sebastian’s upper arm. In reply, Sebastian presses a kiss to Chris’s chest, over his heart.

Somehow, they snooze for a little while, just drifting in and out of consciousness, neither of them seeming to want to untangle themselves from the other, until after an indeterminate amount of time, there’s a soft knock at the door.

Chris hums questioningly in reply, not wanting to wake Sebastian, and the door opens cautiously. Lisa pokes her head in again, and the moment she sees them, all wrapped around each other like that, she covers her mouth with her hands, cooing softly.

“Happy Birthday, baby,” she whispers, her eyes shining with affection and pride.

“Thanks, mom,” Chris whispers back, blinking back tears. “Love you.”

From where he’s half asleep on Chris’s chest, Sebastian murmurs, “Love you, too.”

[7wanderingpaws]

Simply, yours (12)

Pairing: Baekhyun x reader

Genre: family AU, hapkido teacher AU, PhD AU

Word count: 3.5K

Warnings: mentions of death, cursing

A/N: a moodboard! Yay! Finally some face to the story ^^ in my head baek looks like on the pics in this one hihi. Couple of more interesting things will happen! Aaaand this series will finish by 15th chapter. Or less. I will see how much time I will have. :( Anyway, thank you all sososososooo much for the support and comments, it means THE WORLD! ❤

tags:  @milky-baek @itsbaekhyunsbutt @luvhtears @shesdreaminginoverdose @cynthbee @jummyjammy @junmyeonnoona @littleflowercrown13 @sebootyforlife​ (if you want to be tagged/untagged please let me know!)

MASTERLIST

1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5 . 6 . 7 . 8 . 9 . 10 . 11 . 12

Baekhyun was stressed. That much you could tell.

The competition between the universities was in couple of days and he-

“Chanyeol, I can't hang out! I still didn't hand in my paper on the sports psychology thing and I have to head to uni in a couple for the training!”

You were in the kitchen, trying to bake some muffins since you were craving like a mad man, and you could hear him pacing around the bedroom where he bunked the whole day to finish off the mentioned paper. He had been a bit distant since the past three-four days, and you gave him his space, knowing he wasn't taking any silly things from anyone right now. He was full on focused and, well, quite biting to whomever tried to help.

He sighed again. “Listen, I know we still have time to hand it in, but I am so busy with the university team that I need to finish it earlier. Fuck, the assistant master is also breathing on my neck. You need to understa-”

He went quiet when Chanyeol interrupted him, and you silently continued separating the dough to the empty holes on the baking pan.

It had now been two weeks since the Korean New Year and another check-up at the clinic, after which you started to attend pilates classes for the expecting women. You had classes two times per week in the evening hours and one of them clashed with Baekhyun's hapkido class at the university, so you weren't accompanying him that often anymore, which was also a small relief for you. As much as your presence there didn't change matters, you felt like a bothersome girlfriend that needed to keep an eye on him, which was not true. Let alone Jiyoung, although had not necessarily done anything, still made you uneasy with her straight-forward behaviour with Baekhyun. You trusted him, though. After the Korean New Year, you got rid of the whole jealousy nonsense and focused solely on yourself and your own peace of mind. After all, it was literally a matter of a few months and your life would become loud, tiring and just overall turnt upside down.

“And you know I've got other stuff to get taken care of.” Silence. “You know what I'm talking about.” You giggled to yourself, liking how Baekhyun was losing his cool with his best friend, not paying attention to the meaning of his words.

You placed the baking pan in the oven and set up the temperature and timer, finally standing up properly, and hissing at the pain in your lower back. 

These days, whenever you looked in the mirror at your tummy and the dark stretch marks, you couldn't help but wonder how was this humanly possible; to bear three kids in your own body, in that little place under your heart. It blew your mind, and usually you would end up talking about this with Baekhyun just before sleeping when the lights were out and you were curled up at his side.

“Just proves how fucking amazing you are, my love,” he would murmur in your ear.

You smiled to yourself, your heart fluttering at the recollection and you sat down, checking your phone. A new customer who was buying your knitted clothings, was supposed to come by any minute now, so you might as well rest till she arrived, and let Baekhyun deal with his own issues.

You found a message from the lady waiting for you, so you opened it quickly, thinking she might have cancelled on you.

Hello! I was supposed to pick up the ordered knits today, but I can't make it unfortunately, so my husband will come at the promised time instead! Thank you!

Okay, at least she didn't cancel. You didn't care who would come for them as long as they were taken and paid for.

“Okay, Chanyeol, I will meet you tomorrow,” Baekhyun finally ended the call after more discussion and then you heard another heavy sigh. It caused pain for you too, knowing you couldn't help and you also didn't have a constant, stable pay so that you could ease it up for him just a little bit. Great at uselessne- no. You wouldn't allow yourself those thoughts anymore.

“Babe, you good?” you shouted.

“Yeah.”

“Doesn't sound very convincing,” you muttered to yourself, just when the doorbell rang. You struggled up to your feet and headed for the intercom, letting the person in.

“That's the customer, right?” asked Baekhyun from the bedroom.

You made your way to the door, the little bag with necessary clothes prepared, as you shouted back a yes before sliding the door open and waiting for the person to leave the elevator.

You were excited to earn money like this, even if it was just a little bit. You could shop groceries with it and Korea did have expensive fruit and veggies, unfortunately, so this came extremely handy to you.

Quickly shooting a look behind you, you double-checked if everything looked decent and clean in the apartment before turning back just to get the biggest shock.

Without even thinking, you had the urge to slam the door shut in his face before he could properly orient himself on the new floor of apartments, but you didn't do it. Instead, you ran your tongue over your teeth, preparing for a painful smile.

He turned and he spotted you - he just looked at your stomach - standing in the doorway, ready to walk to you resolutely before he actually brought his eyes up to yours. And he momentarily froze, stopping on the spot.

Silence overtook the cold corridor, and you felt the stress creeping up in your stomach, except you had nothing to fear this time. It was him who wanted something. And Baekhyun was right in the apartment in case anything happened.

“I believe you came to pick up the knits?” Your voice was almost foreign to you, it was strained so much.

His eyes fell lower, seeing just how pregnant you were; your body a far cry from when he last saw you. Clearing his throat, he replied: “Yes, I am.”

Slowly, he walked over and you pushed your hand with the bag out for him to take, wanting him to just leave. “Here. That will be 120.000 won, please.”

Your ex-boss stared at you, not taking the bag for a couple of heartbeats. He monitored your face before his eyes looked behind you at the humble apartment. Only after that, he took it while with his other hand he reached behind taking out his wallet probably from the pockets of his trousers. “Yes, I have the exact amount.”

“Good.”

He snapped his eyes back to you, as he took out the necessary cash before handing it to you. “How are you?”

Oh, dear lord. Not the small talk, please.

“I mean, are you doing well and healthy?”

You stared at him, hoping the negative emotions didn't mirror in your eyes too much, as you didnt want to become someone like him. “I'm fine and healthy, thank you for asking.”

“That's a relief.”

Suppressing a scoff, you were about to put an end to this fruitless conversation when you heard shuffling from behind, and Baekhyun's voice. “Is everything alright?” And he appeared.

He walked to your side, shock evident on his face. “You?”

You felt a protective hand around your waist, your boyfriend pushing you further inside the house, not liking an inch your evil boss being near your vicinity.

Your boss, Mr Kim, gave him a tight lipped smile. “Hello, Mr Byun. My wife is the one buying the knits from your wif- girlfriend.”

“Really?”

You nodded. “She wrote me just a couple of minutes ago that her husband would pick them up instead of her,” you explained to Baekhyun, who didn't even look at you, his strict gaze focused on your boss, “and it turns out to be Mr Kim. There are too many Kims in this country, for sure.”

“Well, we hope your wife will enjoy them,” said Baekhyun coldly. “Have a good evening.”

He was about to push both of you back inside to close the door, but your boss surprised you. Again. “I just wanted to… wish you all the best. I hope you will continue having a safe pregnancy and birth.”

You frowned, but nodded nonetheless. “Thank you.”

“And… I apologise.”

Baekhyun's grip on you tightened. “For what exactly?”

Mr Kim looked in your eyes as he seemed to think over his words. “I was acting unprofessional and it was not acceptable. Me sacking you due to your state was not justifiable, and I realize that I probably created even bigger financial difficulties for you. You always mentioned how money comes in handy and yet…” he shook his head, scrunching his eyebrows, “it was all a terrible mistake. I was insensitive. I apologise.”

You took in a shaky breath, your palms sweaty with anxiety as you let his words properly sink in. He actually uttered those words. Those apologetic words. The words you never imagined he would say, because you believed he was incapable of feeling anything close to regret and sorrow.

Sensing your hesitation, Baekhyun spoke up. “I think it's too late for that. But thank you. I bet my girlfriend appreciates your realizations.”

“Why suddenly?” You asked before Baekhyun could push you further inside the apartment. “I worked so hard for you. I always tried to please you yet I received hate.”

Something flashed in his eyes, something you couldn’t quite name. Was it hurt? Was it sorrow? Pain? “I don’t expect you to forgive me. I was ruthless, but just know that I am sorry.” He looked at Baekhyun now. “I deserved the punch.” With a sad smile, he raised and dangled the bag in front of him as he took a step back. “I’m sure my grandchildren will love this. And my wife too. All the best,” he said and turned around, not letting you and Baekhyun speak.

And you wouldn’t even be able to, because Baekhyun closed the door right after muttering: “Get home safely.”

“What was that?” You asked, shell-shocked at the sudden turn of events. “Did this really happen?”

You were still squeezing the bank notes in your sweaty palms and you moved to put them on the dining table, Baekhyun hot on your heels. “He is crazy. One moment he is shouting at you, calling you all kinds of things and the next he is sorry and acts like…whatever” he trailed off, in the heat of a moment unable to think of a proper word.

You shot him a look, amused. “I know. But at least he realized his mistake.”

Baekhyun pursed his lips, not fully convinced with your words but eventually he murmured: “At least if some other employee gets pregnant he won’t throw her out.”

You smiled, satisfied with his way of thinking. “Exactly.”

“And you earned yourself some money,” he reciprocated the smile and he came to you to give you a kiss on the cheek. “Well done.”

“I’ve been earning money through this for some time now,” you reminded him.

“I know but it’s his money.”

“Oh.”

“Exactly.”

-

Once the muffins were out of the oven, you decided to call Sukyeong. Baekhyun retrieved to your shared bedroom to continue his studying. He needed the peace anyway, and you really wanted to chat to your good friend because you had way too many thoughts and questions about your ex-boss’s well being. The way he acted was so unlike him.

Sukyeong thankfully picked up after the third ring and she squealed into the phone upon seeing your name. “Finally! I thought you would never call! We saw each other two weeks ago, don't tell me you got suddenly busy!”

You let out a breathy laugh. “No, I became lazy and almost immobile by now, thank you for the concerns.”

“I think I will have to drop by more often,” she thought out loud. “Besides, I also want to talk about something!”

“Eh? What is it?”

“Nah, this needs to be told face to face.”

Since your topic seemed to be just a little bit more intriguing than Sukyeong’s secretiveness, you decided to go with it and spill the beans. You quickly explained to her what just happened, feeling more encouraged by her gasps.

“Well, there is something that happened actually,” she said after a bit of silence. After you left your job, you and Sukyeong rarely ever talked about the workplace, Sukyeong only complaining about the workload and whatnot. She was such a kind-hearted, considerate friend to you; she knew by default the last person you want to talk about was your screwed up boss. “I just didn't know if I should tell you or not, since it doesn't really include you anymore and also…” she trailed off, “it might scare you.”

You frowned, fingering the little whole in the pillow you were hugging to yourself. “Scare me? What are you talking about?” you let out a doubtful laugh.

Sukyeon sighed and you imagined her playing with her fringe to ease up the nerves. “You know his son is married, right?”

“Mhm.” You rarely paid attention to your boss's private life but you were aware of that fact.

“So, anyway, Mr Kim's daughter-in-law was pregnant and she was supposed to give birth just one month after you left,” she continued on, her words still not bearing an ounce of confidence.

You interrupted her, though. “Oh, really? So why didn't he fire his daughter-in-law, huh?! How dare she be pregnant?! God, that man is ridiculous, I swear. Poor daughter-in-law! How difficult it must be for her to live with him!”

“Erm,” Sukyeong gently called out your name, trying to get your attention, which she did but you wished she didn't as her next words gave you the nausea you had been dreading to have your entire pregnancy. “She died giving birth.”

You went completely silent at that, your mind empty and busy all at the same time. His daughter-in-law died giving birth to his grandchild. She died. Giving birth. “How did that happen?” you breathed out.

“Complications during birth. Unexpected high blood pressure, high sugar levels and many other factors,” she replied, her voice sad.

“Jesus,” you breathed out again, “I had no clue.”

“You couldn't have known, dear.”

Tears burned in your eyes at the thought of how tragic the whole story is. So this was why he was apologetic. “But still… I'm so sorry. To her, and even to him - Mr Kim.”

Sukyeong heaved out a heavy sigh. “Don't cry, I cannot comfort you over the phone like this. You wouldn't know!”

“What if I will die?”

“You won't,” she snapped right away. “You are a healthy woman.”

“You know my blood-pressure is also dangerously high at times.”

“But that doesn't change the fact that you are healthy. You don't have problems with your sugar levels, nor is your entire pregnancy problematic.” She paused, before she continued. “Listen, this is why I was reluctant to tell you. I didn't want to trigger any fear in you. Just don't think about it.”

You felt your chin quiver, but you pushed it down. Sukyeong was right. Plus, Baekhyun really didn't need this kind of stress when he already had too much on his plate right now. Having to suck it up and be brave for your own self for once was something you should have started doing a while ago. You always knew pregnancy was a risk. But you wanted to show everyone that not having enough money and still bearing three healthy babies and eventually giving them birth was something more valuable than any monetary aspect of this world.

“You are right, Sukyeonga. I won't. But you owe me a hot chocolate.”

-

It was around 1am. You were lying on your side, naked back facing Baekhyun as he absentmindedly traced his fingertips over the imprints on your back, left there by your bra. He was shuffling around more, until he resolved to skinship in hopes to ease his mind.

“What's on your mind?” you asked quietly out of nowhere, startling him for a second. He thought you would be asleep by now.

You turned around to your other side, curling up against his chest and he gladly opened his arms for you, missing your presence. It was common that you two would naturally shift apart during the night, both of you deep in sleep, but because of your pregnancy you also felt many times boiling hot which resulted in you scooting as far away from his body heat as the mattress allowed. This time though, the night was exceptionally cold and you knew he needed you.

“Baby, you should be resting,” he rasped quietly.

You held his cheek gently, looking up at him, although he couldn't see you properly in the darkness. “There is something bothering my man,” you whispered, “and I can't sleep when I know you are this troubled.”

He sighed, and you could feel the heaviness of it, the worries somehow too difficult to bear. “It's just a lot on my plate,” he admitted, though very reluctantly. “I want our team to win or at least make it very far but I'm worried I am asking for too much.” His hand was caressing your back, enjoying the hot skin covering it.

“What makes you think that?”

He went silent, contemplating your question and his answer to it. The truth was, Baekhyun's head was very chaotic which rarely happened. Him, who always had a goal clearly set in his mind, never got this worried. “I don't even know. It's the PhD stuff together with this Universiad competition… both require my full attention and even though I am doing my best, I feel like I could still do better.”

It meant a lot that he was this outspoken. He shared his daily issues with you, however only the heavy ones he would let pile up and mull over them until he couldn't bear it anymore.

“My perfectionist boy,” you cooed. “Everything is created in your mind, darling. Everything is still the same as before - you are a student and as your side job you teach kids. Your team was always doing well and that's why you got this opportunity. In fact, you don't need to change anything. You have addition of Jiyoung and her team, that's true, but that still doesn't change the fact that what you did until now is enough. It is all valuable. You're not asking for too much, Baekhyun.”

A couple of heartbeats later you heard him sigh again as he squeezed your body to his, your tummy pressing to his side. “Thank you,” he murmured into your hair.

“Don't keep it in. I know it's difficult. I know, honey.”

“I just want to do well, you know? Do well in my professional life. And I want to do everything in my power to make you and our kids live comfortably.”

You felt stinging behind your eyes, touched and overwhelmed with emotions. “You are doing more than enough, Baekhyun. I'm comfortable and happy because I have you. Out of our entire village, you are the superstar. You are the one who made it. Don't doubt yourself for one second, because I will love you no matter what. You are doing already more than enough, so relax.”

He chuckled lowly. “What would I do without you, hm?” he whispered and he moved to bury his face in your neck, slowly kissing down to your chest where he rested his head under your collarbones. His arm around you was now caressing the bump, his thumb running over the stretched out belly. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

“Don't thank me.That's what I'm here for. For you. In good and in bad,” you replied as you played with his messy hair.

“Already doing the wedding vows?”

You grew hot, the sudden images of a wedding ceremony with Baekhyun warming your heart. “Not yet.”

He hummed. “But soon.”

“After the kids are born.”

“Where do you want to leave them for our honeymoon? They would be always tied to your boobs. That way I can't have them just for myself.”

That made you laugh out loud, and you pulled on his hair gently, making him chuckle. He raised his head and you felt his breath on your smiling lips. “Then you better enjoy them until you can.”

He kissed you slowly, languidly, humming in the process while dragging his hand over your bump and chest until he was cupping your cheek. “I should, huh,” he murmured into your open mouth. “Though I beg for priority. I was the first to claim them.”

You laughed again and Baekhyun felt extremely satisfied, his worries settled for now. He brought you in for another sensual kiss until both of your eyes were droopy enough to pull to sleep.

[ten0rreaper]

What Stays In Vegas

Summary: By all accounts, today should have been the happiest day in Gordon’s life, and he was spending it sobbing his eyes out on the floor of a dirty saloon room in his wedding dress.[takes place in @toonhlvrai on tumblr during season two in the part where everything goes wrong]

Notes:  So toonhlvrai ripped my heart out and stomped on it the other day and even though we've got some good things since this has been stuck in my head so I fuckin wrote it. Intended to take place between the end of the Uno game and Gordon's first appearance in his wedding dress. Title taken from “What Stays In Vegas...” by tumblr user @w1tchysounds, which I listened to on loop while writing this and which helped inspire it. Crossposted to ao3- link will be added in reblog.

Today, by all accounts, should have been the happiest day in Gordon’s life. He was deeply in love; he had proposed and been proposed to in return; he was getting married. His son was out there, ready with a ring to put on his fiancee’s finger, his father figure was there ready to wed him. Really, he wished that more of the people he loved could have been there, but thinking about that only made him sob harder.

Yes- by all accounts, today should have been the happiest day in Gordon’s life, and he was spending it sobbing his eyes out on the floor of a dirty saloon room in his wedding dress. 

In a way he felt rather detached from the whole thing, like it was happening to another person. It was hard not to feel like the world was horribly unreal, with the darkness outside and the stark purple light, the cartoonish recreation of the wild west, and a shotgun wedding. It will have happened to another person soon, Gordon thought vaguely, and his sobs turned hysterical. What would it feel like? Was it dying? Was he dying? Because it felt like it, the way he could barely choke down a single breath before it came heaving out in a strangled scream, the way his lungs burned and his throat crawled and he couldn’t stand if he tried as he attempted to pull on his pretty white (dust-stained) gloves with violently trembling hands. He could barely keep himself steady enough to begin to get his hand in, and something in that was hilarious. He was just glad that the room they had rented didn’t have a mirror, because he could picture easily what he looked like- a blubbering mess shaking like a child, face dark and blotchy and so far gone makeup couldn’t help if it would stay on, eyes red and swollen, dress and gloves and veil ruined with dirt, the hair he couldn’t tie tup properly falling all over his face, hunched over and holding on to himself for dear life- it would’ve just made him cry harder, somehow. He was keeping everyone waiting, he was wasting time, every second ticking away alone was a second he couldn’t afford to waste-

A gentle knock sounded on the door, so careful that it had Gordon freezing up, trying to draw in the breath to defend himself until he saw Coomer, peeking in sadly. 

“Hello, Gordon,” he said, as if approaching a grieving child. In a way, he wasn’t wrong. 

Gordon sucked in a breath, tried to force his throat to work, but all he could say in response was a pathetic, needy groan. 

Coomer didn’t need more prompting. He closed the door carefully, quietly behind him and kneeled at Gordon’s side, putting an arm around him. “There, there, Gordon,” he murmured, and wiped at Gordon’s eyes with a sleeve. “You’re not getting cold feet, are you?”

Gordon laughed. It was short, violent, felt like a sob, and likely sounded like one too, but it was a laugh nonetheless. “I wish,” he croaked, closing his eyes and leaning into Coomer’s touch. 

Coomer didn’t ask what was wrong. He didn’t need to. “Would you like some help?” He offered, and didn’t bring up even a single playcoin. Gordon sniffed, loud and ugly, and nodded. Fuck, yes, he needed help, he wouldn’t be able to get off this fucking floor without someone else there. Coomer simply nodded and got to work even as Gordon cried, carefully rolling his gloves up his arm, pulling his hair back into a bun with steady hands, fastening the collar around his neck with a tenderness Gordon wasn’t accustomed to seeing from any member of their team, much less Coomer. It was unnerving. It was everything. Coomer brushed off Gordon’s veil with useless determination before situating it into Gordon’s hair. He leaned back, brought a hand to his chin, and nodded. “There we are. You’re perfect, Gordon.”

“No I’m not.” Gordon tried to smile, but it strained and stretched on his face unnaturally. “Thanks anyway.”

Coomer puffed out his chest and crossed his arms in a shadow of his usual bravado. “Nonsense! What makes you say something like that?”

Gordon snorted, then sniffled. “Uh, my face? I can’t stop-” he laughed weakly and wiped at his face. “I can’t stop crying.”

“And what’s wrong with that?”

That startled the sobs into stillness for a moment. “Everything, Dr. Coomer. It’s- it’s my wedding day, and I want to spend the last time we have fucking enjoying it, with each other, and making these memories good, but I just- I can’t stop crying.” Gordon hunched in on himself once more, struggling in vein to keep his lungs from heaving once more. He would wipe his face, but that would ruin the gloves. They were already tainted enough with the dust. So much dust.

Coomer settled his hands lightly over where Gordon’s were balling into the skirt of his dress. “You don’t have to put on a strong face, you know,” he said. “I doubt there will be a single dry eye in the building. You don’t have to pretend it’s alright.”

“You seem pretty okay.”

“Oh, I’m definitely not!” Coomer grinned brightly. “But, well, I’ve dealt with a feeling quite similar before. Pretending it’s not there… it won’t help, Gordon. If you’re sad, and full of dread, if you’re around the people you love at least you can be sad together. It’s comforting, Gordon. Sometimes love is, well… sadness and comfort.”

“...I don’t want to forget,” Gordon whispered. “I don’t want to die. I want to, to grow old with Benrey and raise Joshua and- fuck, I just want to be happy. But we won’t get that. We don’t even know what’ll happen to us, or if we’ll even be us once this is all over. And I hate that I can’t even know.”

Coomer said nothing- because, really, what was there to say? He just reached up to lay a hand on Gordon’s cheek, then pulled him into a hug. Gordon collapsed into it and held on as long as Coomer would let him, until his violent shaking was reduced to shivers and he could breathe through the tears and something in him felt warm again.

“I’m sorry I failed,” he said.

“You didn’t,” said Coomer.

With that, Coomer stood and pulled Gordon to his feet. “Now, off the floor with you! Between you and me, I heard that dress cost a fortune, and it wouldn’t do to ruin it!”

Gordon snorted. “I think we’re well past that.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about!” Coomer smiled and held his elbow out to Gordon. There had been no plans to walk him down the aisle, but, well, Gordon’s legs felt weak and still trembled like a newborn deer’s, so he looped his arm around Coomer’s and smiled back in thanks. If he was going to die, ego or soul or body or mind, Gordon was going to die surrounded by his family with a ring on his finger and a kiss on his lips. And maybe, said a weak ember of hope sheltered deep inside of his heart, maybe it would be enough to lead them back to one another after the final day ended.

[candychronicles]

stuck with me // h. nejire

A/N: My take on the bnharem summer collab! Decided to write for sweet baby Nejire, as she doesn’t get enough love!

CHARACTER PAIRING: Nejire Hado x Reader

WORD COUNT: 1,724

WARNINGS: sweet baby fluff

SYNOPSIS: A girls day out leads to so much more!

Want to read more summertime fun? Click here !

the soft sunlight dappled over the crystal clear water, creating a dance of sparkles. a soft swooshing sound was all that could be heard as you helped paddle the little wooden boat over the serene lake. for once, Nejire Hado was quiet, serene almost, as she sat across from you, hands folded in her lap and head turned to the side to watch the scenery slowly float by.

the day hadn’t started off calm. in fact, it started off in typical Nejire fashion: happy chaos.

“wake up sleepy head! we’ve got a whole day of fun, so i can’t have you being lazy on me!”

you harshly blinked, snapped back into reality by the loud sounds of your best friend, before smiling at her, continuing to walk, but this time, with an extra pep in your step.

your first stop was shopping, of course. no real girls day could occur without trying on various clothes, binging on greasy mall food and giggling at all the funny gadgets you found throughout the day.

“come on, lets go in here! we’ll need some new bathing suits for the beach today!”

you had insisted that what you were wearing was fine, but she would not listen, dragging you along despite your protests. it was only when you were shoved into a changing room with a simple black two piece that your heart started racing.

you emerged from the cubicle a few minutes later, head hung low as you looked into the mirror, pinching and prodding at your body, trying to make the bathing suit look good on you. however, when you had almost given up and resigned to going back, Nejire emerged, smiling from ear to ear.

“what are you frowning about?” she chided, strutting over to you with purpose, “you look amazing. i’m jealous! here, let’s take some selfies. i need to show off my hot best friend!”

though the words, you thought, were just meant to cheer you up as a friend, a rosy blush found its way to your cheeks nonetheless as you allowed yourself to imagine Nejire truly finding you attractive. after that little incident, you decided to buy the bikini, spurred on by the simple words she spoke.

the next stop of the day, after dropping off your bags at your house, was to find somewhere to actually eat, instead of continuing to binge on greasy fast foods. you had decided on your favorite cafe, a place where you two often went to unwind after a stressful day at school, or work as you got older. 

when you had arrived, Nejire shooed you to find a table, insisting on paying for the food. she knew your order by heart, and though it shouldn’t of made you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, you couldn’t help it. she knew every little thing about you, big or small, and you felt so utterly bare around her, yet safer than anywhere else.

your friendship started off odd. you weren’t a particularly popular student, tending to hangout with the same small group of friends, but you weren’t necessarily shy either. after an impressive fight at your first year sports festival, Nejire had approached you with awe, insisting that you become friends so that you could learn from each other. at the time, you weren’t sure of her upbeat, forward personality, so you said yes automatically, just trying to process what had happened.

for awhile, you had assumed that the little interaction would lead to nowhere, but Nejire proved you wrong time and time again, bothering you for help with homework, gossiping about others in your class, making you help her with beauty pageants and campaigns, all which led to late nights at your little cafe together.

you were once again brought back to the present when Nejire delicately placed the food and drink down on the table, balancing it all with grace and years of practice. you two dug in, chatting about everything and nothing, falling into your old routine of just being together. there was never a time where you two didn’t feel comfortable with one another, and only continued to get closer as the days went on.

after a long chat in the cafe, Nejire insisted on a walk in the park, wanting to stretch and enjoy the sunshine after all the food you two had consumed. the walk on the way there was filled with the same mindless chatter as before, her mouth moving before her brain could process the words half the time, but you constantly found that endearing.

a loud scream came from your right, and without thinking, you jumped, grabbing her hand and squeezing tightly, before letting out a laugh when you realized it was just an angry kid. 

“don’t worry, i’ll protect you (y/n)!”

she let out a little giggle at your irate expression, before tugging you along, never letting go of your hand, even when you were all alone on the park path. your heart threatened to leap out of your chest, but you maintained your cool, laughing and babbling nonsense back and forth, making jokes, pointing out pretty cloud formations and cooing at the cute ducks at the edge of the pond.

when Nejire had spotted little rowboats for rent, you knew it was all over. she would not take no for an answer, and you’d be going for a long and chatty boat ride whether you wanted to or not.

things didn’t turn out quite as planned though. the boat ride started off with you two arguing over who was going to push, you winning the argument as you picked up the paddles and gently propelled yourselves off the shore of the lake. you had attempted a few jokes, but Nejire was unusually silent, watching the small ripples created from the boat splitting the water.

you were about to open your mouth to ask her what was wrong, setting down the paddles, when she spoke up, voice quiet and gentle.

“we’re best friends yeah? and nothing’s going to happen to change that, right? even though we’re busy being heroes, even though things are dangerous sometimes, you’re not going to leave my side?”

“no matter what happens Nejire, i will always be by your side,” you reassured automatically, reaching forward to grab her hands in your own.

“even if i do this?”

before you had a chance to ask her what she was talking about, she leaned forward, pressing her lips against yours in a gentle embrace, squeezing your hands. your body froze for only a second before you reacted, moving against her in tandem, taking your hands out of hers and placing one on the side of her face, the other cupping the back of her head to deepen the kiss. 

you pulled away, breathless. your eyes searched her own, wide and unsure, but full of so much love.

“oh my gosh, i’m so sorry! that was so random, huh? i was just admiring the view and then realized nothing here was as pretty as you and just wanted to kiss you, so i did!” she admitted, wringing her hands together, the only telltale sign that she was worried.

you took only a few moments before replying, “i didn’t mind. i-i liked it actually, a lot.”

that peachy blush you had been trying so hard to avoid all day came back in full force, creeping up your neck and into your cheeks, setting your face aflame.

“really? oh that’s so great. i’ve liked you for so long but i didn’t know if you felt the same. i just wanted to make sure that you’d still be friends with me even if you didn’t feel the same way, but now that i know that you like me back, i’d like to be more than that, if you want? like, be my girlfriend?” she babbled out, talking animatedly with her hands.

you were only able to nod in response, a smile slowly creeping on your face as she continued to talk, so enamored by every movement and every syllable that left her mouth. 

“i’d love to be your girlfriend Hado. more than anything,” you admitted, smile threatening to split your face with how wide it was. 

she responded by leaning forward to kiss you again, but just as your lips were about to connect, the boat rocked dangerously from her surging forward, and as she grabbed you to stabilize herself, she fell into the water, tipping the boat and pulling you down with her.

when you both resurfaced, thoroughly soaked, your laughter pealed out of your mouth before you had a chance to even process what had just happened. she joined you swimming over to hug you from the side, pressing a wet kiss to your cheek.

after a few minutes, you two managed to flip the boat and climb back in, using your one single paddle that didn’t disappear to float back to the shore, apologizing and bowing deeply to the annoyed gentleman who rented the boat to you. 

with smiles on your face and giggles under your breath, you two collected your belongings, stripped out of your wet clothes into your bikinis and made your way to the beach, setting up a large blanket and laid down, bodies side by side.

as the creamy yellow yolk slowly slid down the sky, streaked with lilacs and blushy hues, you watched Nejire, admiring the way her face glowed in the dewy sinking light. she turned to you, eyes sparkling with love and something you couldn’t quite place, but before you had a chance to decipher what it was, her lips were on yours, successfully getting you to close your eyes and relax into her touch. 

she pulled away with a satisfying pop, her blue hair silky in your hand as you absentmindedly ran your fingers through it. 

“you’re stuck with me forever, yeah?” she asked, and you had finally realized what her eyes were trying to tell you earlier.

“yeah, and you’re stuck with me. hope you don’t get annoyed,” you teased, booping her nose with the tip of your finger.

she returned your gesture with a giggle, before laying back down.

as you continued to watch the sun sink into the night, you realized that this sight would never compare to her, your own personal sunset.

Taglist: @jojosmilktea​​ @redbeanteax​ @softforshigi​ @katsuki-bakugous-lady​ @ttamaki​ @secondhand-trash​ @freiyalight​ @crystal-lilac​

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[macaronsforchat]

Ladynoir July Day 18 - Close Call

@ladynoirjuly2020

read on ao3!

Chat Noir took a deep breath, feeling her move as his muscles expanded and pushed her forward slightly. He glanced over his shoulder, seeing that his Lady was still staring down at her hands in her lap.

They’d been sitting back to back for a while at that point, Ladybug having asked to take a break from their patrol. She’d seemed upset from the moment he’d met her on top of the Notre Dame, and so far, he hadn’t been able to come up with anything to cheer her up. Well, nothing that had worked.

Suddenly, he thought of another thing to try, pulling his baton from his back and pressing it to his ear. Within seconds, he heard her yo-yo begin to ring against her hip, and he waited as she moved to pull it into view.

“Why are you calling me?” she asked, her voice a little scratchy from not having spoken for so long. He smiled to himself, putting his hand to his mouth to push his voice towards her.

“It’s impurrtant,” he whispered excitedly, her phone still ringing persistently. She let out a reluctant sigh, opening her yo-yo and pressing it to her ear.

“Hello?” Chat called, dragging out the ‘o’ playfully.

“What do you want?” she asked, the gentle sound of her voice echoing into his ear only a second later and making his heart skip a beat. It made him giggle a little to himself, but she remained quiet behind him.

“Yes, hi. Can I get two cheeseburgers with extra cheese and the largest order of fries you can legally give me?” he asked animatedly. He listened for her response, hearing her blow a soft laugh from her nose.

“Sir, this is Subway,” she responded, surprising him but making him laugh nonetheless. He glanced at her over his shoulder, seeing that a small smile was rounding out her adorable cheeks.

“Okay, but m’lady loves cheeseburgers, and she’s been having a bad day. So I need at least one cheeseburger,” he explained, raising his eyebrows as he heard her inhale slowly.

“I see,” she started, a pigtail brushing against the back of his arm as she tilted her head. “Thanks for trying to cheer me up, Chat,” she said, and he smiled to himself, hearing the genuine gratitude in her voice.

“So...no cheeseburger?” he asked, and he heard her cute giggles sound off behind him, their shoulder blades bumping as her body swayed with her mirth. He couldn’t stop his grin from growing wider, glad that his plan was working even a little.

“Okay, well if I can’t get a cheeseburger,” he said when there was a lull in her laughter. “Can I at least hear about your day?” he asked, feeling her back tense a little. She wasn’t laughing anymore, a quiet sigh coming from his baton’s speaker. She let her bug phone come to rest against her leg, taking a breath to start explaining.

“There’s this...person at my school,” she began, all of his attention on her. “They cause a lot of trouble for my friends and I, and I’ve tried to stop them but…” She let her voice fade out. He pressed his back against hers gently, encouraging her to keep going.

“Some days it’s just hard to deal with all of their nonsense and all of this on top of it,” she continued after a moment’s silence. He nodded, knowing how that felt.

And then his brain blessed him with another idea.

“Do you know their address?” he blurted out. When she didn’t say anything, he glanced at his baton. “Hello, Ms. Subway?” he asked, and she breathed out a laugh, bringing her bug phone back up to her ear.

“I-- No, I don’t know their address,” she answered, her voice seeming to be all around him.

“Darn,” he sighed dramatically, snapping his fingers. “We could have ding-dong ditched them!” He heard her take in a breath to sigh, but then she just laughed.

“You know what? I think they would really hate that,” she said, her normal, playful tone coming back to bless his ears. He grinned, pumping a fist in the air.

“Let’s go get their address!” he said excitedly, but she didn’t respond, hanging up the phone by closing her yo-yo pointedly.

“Hey! I was really enjoying talking to that Subway employee,” he pouted, putting his baton back on his waist sadly. He heard her chuckle and then felt a tap on his shoulder, glancing back to see that she’d turned around to face him. Chat flipped around to kneel in front of her, seeing a warm smile grace her lips.

“Thank you,” she said, and he couldn’t deny that he melted a little, but he also couldn’t help but keep joking.

“Don’t thank me! I couldn’t even get you a cheeseburger,” he pouted, and she laughed, shaking her head.

“I’m serious!” she giggled, pushing a strand of stray hair behind her ear. “You always help cheer me up.” He tilted his head as he watched her, wondering if there had ever been anyone more adorable ever.

“That’s what friends are for,” he replied, giving her a big grin when she looked back up at him.

“I really appreciate it, kitty,” she smiled in return, making his heart flutter happily.

“Hah, y-yeah,” he stuttered out as she stood up, grateful that she didn’t comment on his blush or the way that she had the ability to make him fall apart with one nickname.

Ladybug stretched, glancing around and unknowingly giving him a chance to calm down.

“It would have been pretty fun to ding-dong ditch,” she admitted, looking back down at him. He stood up to meet her, nodding in agreement. When another brilliant idea came to mind, he wondered what he’d eaten that day to make him such a genius.

“Hey, I know a place we could ding-dong ditch,” he told her, a devious laugh bubbling up in his throat as she furrowed her eyebrows at him.

“Where?” she wondered, tilting her head at him and not being able to help but smile at his mysterious enthusiasm.

“Follow me!” he exclaimed, jumping off and hearing her laugh before giving chase.

When she landed next to him in front of the Agreste Mansion, he knew exactly what she was going to say.

“You can’t be serious,” she deadpanned, crossing her arms. He looked down at her with the biggest grin, searching for any hint of recklessness in her eyes and surprisingly finding an abundance.

“I’m not kitten around, bugaboo,” he said, looking over his front gate and rubbing his hands together.

“We could be arrested,” she offered, eyeing him and then the house. “Or Gabriel Agreste himself could announce publicly that our suits look horrible.” He raised an eyebrow at her, smirking and feeling excitement spreading in his chest.

“Not if we’re not caught,” he reminded her, and she gave him a look of doubt. But she couldn’t take back the impulsivity he’d found in her eyes.

Chat took her hand, running over to the subway entrance just across the street from the gate of his house and crouching so that his head barely popped up. She laughed but then followed suit, watching him.

“What now?” she asked, unable to hide the excitement in her voice from him. He laughed briefly, pulling his baton out and eyeing her.

“Ready?” She nodded firmly, a giddy smile pressing into her cheeks.

Chat extended his baton all the way to the doorbell, hitting it quickly and pulling his baton back just as fast so the camera wouldn’t catch sight of it.

The two superheroes watched in silence as the camera popped out from the wall, waiting for a moment before retracting itself. Chat let out a short laugh, but Ladybug began to giggle and didn’t stop. He watched her in amused awe, finding it adorable that she was covering her mouth with both hands.

“Again?” he asked through a laugh, unable to help going along with her. She gasped, placing a hand on his arm. He could swear he felt his whole body warm up under her touch.

“Can I do it?” she asked eagerly. He handed her his baton without question, watching as her eyes filled with glee. She rang the doorbell, losing it once again when the camera disappeared back into the wall. He had to catch her when she almost fell backwards down the stairs from laughing too hard, and it was then that he realized that his idea might have been the best thing he’d ever done. He was captivated, much more entertained watching her than thinking about what his father and Nathalie were thinking.

She paused in her laughter to take a deep breath, glancing over at him and catching him staring with a warm smile.

“What, chaton?” she wondered lightly, making his stomach do a flip. He shook his head, pressing his lips together and giving her a tight smile.

“Nothing,” he lied. She glanced down at his baton, placing her thumb over the button to extend it in preparation.

“One more time?” she asked, and he furrowed his eyebrows.

“Only one more? We have to do it until he calls the police at least,” he said, delighted when she broke down into a fit of giggles again. He was constantly in awe of her, and even more so of how much love he had for her.

Chat would never forget the light in his Lady’s eyes when police sirens rang out across the city.

~~~~~

sorry this one is coming in so late! rough day :(

but i had fun writing this! you can see that i interpreted this prompt a little literally, but i hope you enjoyed! thank you for taking the time to read it! <3

and thank you all for being so understanding and patient <3

[jising-jisang-jisung]

a/n: hey guys! This is the last part of my reload series! I hope you all liked it as I really enjoyed writing it :) sorry this part is so long (over 2k how did I do that?)

Ridin' | Quiet Down | 7 Days | Love Again | Puzzle Piece

❁❁❁❁❁❁

You rub your eyes repeatedly, trying to get rid of the tiredness that seemed like it would last a million years. Yeah, you stayed out pretty late talking to Renjun in the park, but even after he dropped you off, you couldn’t stop thinking about him. You only got a couple hours of sleep and the massive bags under your eyes showed it. A loud honk interrupted your morning routine, prompting you to peek out your window. You shook your head to yourself. What was Renjun’s car doing here?

You quickly finished getting dressed, grabbing a snack to take along for breakfast. “Hey Renjun!” you call, waving at him as you run out to his car.

“Hey babe,” he smiles back at you. “I thought I’d drive you to school.”

“I’d love to, but aren’t we trying to keep this on the DL?” you smirk at him, sliding into the passenger seat anyway.

“C’mon, don’t be so anxious. We can walk in the building separately and no one will know,” he winks at you, placing your hand on the gear shift and covering it with his own. The small action making heat rise to your face and butterflies swarm in your stomach.

Against your better judgement you let out a sheepish, “okay.”

He starts the car, his music automatically starting as well. He mumbles some swear words, fumbling with his phone to change it from girly pop music to something more macho and cool. You can’t help but fall into a fit of laughter. “Don’t change it,” you whine, tugging on his arm. He looks back up at you, laughing now as well as the two of you drive off to school.

Renjun parks, letting you get out first while he waits a few minutes to avoid any confrontation about your relationship. Even though it wasn’t a big deal, the undergroundness of your actions made you feel weak in the knees. It was like you had a double life. Well, maybe that’s a stretch, but the idea of keeping your boyfriend a secret was enthralling.

You walk into the building and not too long after, you meet Yangyang at your locker. He slips an arm around your shoulder as he starts talking some nonsense about a show he watched that you only half listened to.

As you close your locker and begin to leave with your friend, you see your boyfriend walk by. Making eye contact with him, you bite back a smile, knowing that if anyone saw it, it would give you away. He not so subtly winks at you, and Yangyang definitely notices by the way he scowls and grips your shoulder tighter in a possessive manner. You patted his hand reassuringly and offered a sincere smile to let him know it was okay. He threw you a skeptical glance in response, but didn’t speak of it at all.

The rest of your morning is as typical as any other school day. When lunch rolls around, you drift off into a staring contest with the back of Renjun’s head from across the cafeteria. The same way you did before all of the commotion. 

“What are you looking at?” Yangyang snaps his fingers in front of your face, gaining your attention.

“Nothing,” you unconvincingly shake your head, picking at the food on your tray to distract yourself.

He moves his head and follows where your gaze had previously led, rolling his eyes when he spots the popular boy. “Oh, him again?” he states rather juginly. You internally frown at his disapproving comment. “Thought you were over that.”

You can’t think of a solid rebuttal that doesn’t invoke the fact that you are now in a relationship with the boy your best friend probably hates most in the school right now. So instead, you stuffed more food than one should ever stuff into one’s mouth, refusing to look at your friend who obviously could tell that you were avoiding this topic.

“Do you seriously still like him?” He gives you a know-it-all glare that made you feel ashamed of yourself for no reason.

“Come on he’s not that bad,” you try to reason after finally managing to swallow your three bite sized bite of food.

“The way he treated you in that corridor claims otherwise.”

“I knew you were eavesdropping,” you laugh.

“Don’t change the subject, y/n. He’s not a good guy,” he warns you.

“I don’t know, Yangyang. Maybe you just caught him at a bad moment,” you fight back the grin that wants to take over your face at the thought of the night before, in the park, your head resting on Renjun’s shoulder as he talked to you for hours about anything and everything that came to mind.

“Oh my bad. I don’t see his whole life because I’m not constantly drooling over him from across the school,” he mocks you.

You take offence to his remark, getting up to leave your table. “Yknow, Yang, I was just throwing the possibility out there.”

Renjun watches you as you stomp off to throw the rest of your lunch away. He can’t help but worry about you, excusing himself from his table to run after you.

“Hey, y/n,” he whisper calls for you when you are both alone in the hallway. “You okay?” He rests a hand on your shoulder, making you feel secure.

“Yeah, it’s nothing,” you try to tell him, but he knows better.

“Wanna talk about it later?” He winks at you, raising his eyebrows up and down.

“Sure! I’ll meet you by your car after school,” you giggle a little bit, partially at his funny expression and partially in anticipation. 

You impatiently finish the rest of the school day, unable to focus on anything that isn’t Renjun. Basically, not much has changed.

“Yo y/n! You coming over later?” Yanyang asks as he meets you at your locker like usual.

“Ah not tonight, sorry,” you decide not to make up any excuses since you know he’ll see right through them.

You walk out the school doors, a skip in your step as you quickly make your way out to Renjun’s car, not paying any attention to your friend watching as you disappear into the parking lot, and not your usual walk home.

Renjun sneaks up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. You squeal in surprise, turning around to smile big at him. You both hop in the car, and turn up the bubble gum pop songs.

“Where’re we going?” you question cutely.

“Wherever you want. My house or yours, or a cafe, or the park. You choose,” he looks at you taking your hand and placing it on the shift like before. You only wish you could respond, but the effect of his flirtatiousness has hindered your brain from thinking about anything other than him.

“Let’s go to the park,” you finally manage to suggest, since you had such a lovely time last night.

He drives you there relatively quickly, not speaking a bunch, just singing along to the music. You would’ve joined in too, but Renjun’s voice was mesmerizing and you just wanted to listen to him sing forever, even if he was only messing around with radio songs.

As you move to climb out of the car, Renjun scurries around to your side and helps you out like a true gentleman. However, after you're free of the leather seats, he doesn’t release his hold on your hand. Rather, he adjusts it a bit and intertwines your fingers. He shoots you an innocent smile as if you weren’t dying from his actions. You took the opportunity to latch onto his arm with your other hand, leaning your head a bit on his shoulder. For a while, you two walked around just like that until you got hungry.

Renjun led you to a small shop near the park, and paid for the snacks you bought. The two of you took rest on a little bench in the park, munching on your goodies. Somehow you had managed to open and eat all of your food without ever removing your hand from his. While you had thought anything about that minute detail, it was making Renjun feel even crazier than normal. How could you be so cute? While you were focused on filling the void in your stomach, his eyes were glued to your profile, taking in every ounce of your features so that he can imagine your face perfectly later.

Without thinking, he moves in and pecks your cheek, enjoying the soft feel of your skin. You turn your head to him with wide eyes, mouth still full of food. Although he looks away almost immediately, you catch the flushed color on his cheeks, spreading to the tips of his ears. In response, you quickly swallow what you were chewing, and press a soft kiss to his cheek as well.

“Hey Renjun?” you whisper after a while.

“Yeah, y/n?” Neither of you look at each other, but continue the conversation nonetheless.

“I think I need to tell Yangyang.” He nods, grunting a presumable ‘yes���. “As much as I find the whole ‘keeping us a secret’ thing incredibly sexy,” you throw air quotes around the middle and giggle a bit at how silly you sound, “he deserves to know.”

“I agree,” he looks at you. “Plus, if he finds out from someone other than us, he’ll probably kill me,” he laughs, but you can tell that it really does bother him.

“Oh come on! It’s not that bad,” you try to lighten his discomfort by nudging him with your shoulder.

“No, it definitely is. Yangerz hates me,” his eyes look so disheartened by that statement, and you can tell that he feels bad about it all. “And rightfully so,” he adds on, “I did treat you pretty poorly that day.”

“You did,” you grin up at him, “but you’ve apologized. And you’ve been nothing but kind since then.” You place another peck on his cheeks, earning a bashful smile. “And,” you pull back to look at his whole face, “I’ve forgiven you.” You shrug as though he had nothing to fear with your friend. And you were confident that you were right.

The next day, Renjun picks you up for school just the same. However, the change is how he drops you off once you’re at the school. He parks in the same spot in the student lot, allowing the two of you to get out, before he runs around to drape his arm over your shoulder. He looks at you with a questioning glance, silently asking for confirmation. You smile and nod, signaling that you’re ready to publicize your relationship.

You don’t even make it through the doors before you run into your friend. “Hey Yanyang!” you call out to him.

“y/n?” He snaps his head in your direction, smile falling off his face when he sees the boy next to you.

You sheepishly smile, trying to explain the situation to him without him getting visibly upset. You were afraid that Yangyang would still be angry with your boyfriend, and that your boyfriend would get hurt by those negative feelings. After all, Renjun valued your friend’s opinion as much as you did.

“Okay,” he eyes Renjun up and down. You feel his muscles tense as he drops his arm off of you. Rather than let him get away so easily, you grab his hand, rubbing soft circles in it to ease his nerves. “So you two are dating?”

“Yes,” you giggle at his lack of clarity on the situation.

“So the whole thing wasn’t a rumor?” His eyes looked shocked as he turns to you. You can practically feel the judgement being cast from his gaze.

“No!” You specify, not wanting him to think of you badly. “But I guess this did all start from the rumor,” you hypothesize. Renjun must agree as he purses his lips and nods.

“Whatever, y/n we gotta get to class,” he states nonchalantly, pulling you away from your boyfriend.

“Crap we can’t be late again,” you cover your mouth in a gasp as you realize the warning bell has already gone off. “See later Jun,” you call over your shoulder, picking up speed in hope of making it on time.

At first, the confirmation of your relationship came as no surprise to the rest of the student body as they had almost all fallen for the rumors. Thankfully, they were proven false and your image was saved. Well, not completely, as you were still caught making out with the school’s registered bad boy before lunch. But hey, you win some you lose some. Renjun’s fan girls were all seemingly heartbroken at first, but learned to live with the fact that he wasn’t up for grabs anymore.

Somewhere along the way, Yangyang became more comfortable around him too. You were glad that the two boys could become friends. They had a lot more in common than one would think. Renjun even introduced him to the rest of his friends. And although he’d never admit to it, you could tell he’d taken a liking to one of the girls. All in all, it seemed like things were falling into place and would all work out for you and your boyfriend. At least, for now anyway.

[grownups-are-the-real-monsters]

This is The Time

Summary: The dead silence lasted for about another twenty minutes. Roland was an absolute master at refusing to give in first. He’d sit and wait for hours which was arguably a terrible trait. But sometimes---‘No just bad.’ He thought. To pass that time, he found himself staring at a tiny family of frogs resting by the water. Wet and a shiny green color, they glimmered. Their black eyes stared back up at him...

Word Count: 3,002

Ships: Roland Deschain/Cuthbert Allgood 

He is falling...

Roland’s heavy black boot caught the tip of an up facing rock nestled nicely in the field of wood. There was a cool breeze which came with one’s body launching forward, it was a juvenile way of falling Roland wasn’t used to anymore. Arms flailing about without grace while his hands flicked forward to brace himself and ruin his skin. Though, the right hand managed to slot itself comfortably into the blood-sticky palm belonging to good ol’ Cuthbert Allgood. 

“Stand tall, Roland.” He chuckled, pulling him back to safety. 

Young Deschain hiked himself back up but found it almost intoxicating that he could remain palm-to-palm with the Allgood boy. “Keep me balanced then.” He gripped his friend a little tighter before habitually holding on a bit too loosely. 

He could feel the grotesquely open skin-scratch on Cuthbert’s left hand, the reason for the squelching puddle of blood between them. Those soft sucking sounds accompanied them throughout most of their walk to the deepest part of the wooded area just a short drive from their town. 

Cuthbert squished the blood-puddle even more to squeeze Roland’s hand back to a tight position. Both boys had the rough skin of their fathers, hard work rewarded them with such a gift, but they were soft for each other. 

“I brought the hammock.” 

Roland looked to Cuthbert with gentle amusement. “We could’ve just roughed it.” He winked but he was almost sure it did not work on him. There was no way he pulled it off. Which rang true when Cuthbert began to heave in laughter. That boy was a sight for sore eyes and he never shied away from laughing his ass off.

The woods around them grew taller and more luscious with every twenty steps or so. The earth-y smell overcame them long ago but now the distant...wet scent of water traveled closer. Cuthbert was taking the lead on this little trip because Roland barely had half-the-mind he usually owned. 

For Mr. Deschain had plenty to say about the courtship of his son and the laughing boy. None of this speech was warm or fuzzy. Rather as tough as the skin which wrapped around his palms. Roland wanted-ached-to rip the speech apart to it’s bare bones. He’d begun to do just that. But Cuthbert, smart as a whip, dragged him out of the house...to the woods before events he’d regret later could transpire.

Together since they were young pups and together now, Roland and Cuthbert journeyed to a small cliff above the water. It was a place they came to often enough to miss when absent. Their legs always aching to walk and make some sort of journey whenever life just got too disappointing.

The Allgood boy set aside the red hammock for later and plopped down onto the dirt, waiting to be joined by his best friend in already dirty jeans. Splotches of older memories littered the fading blue fabric. It was a good luck. Common for most of the boys in town. 

“You got your reasons to go against him, Roland.” Cuthbert drew his first card in the game of tough conversation. He kept his face locked onto the ripples in the water which Roland found interesting. “They’re true and worth standing by. Don’t let your dad make them seem shitty.” He finally turned with that lovely little smirk on his face. 

“You being the most important reason.” He tipped his chin. “If I was born without the ability to love you, my life would be bleak.” Roland smiled softly. He noticed the way Cuthbert looked away when his cheeks burned crimson. “But I could love him not and still have a full life, I think.” He mumbled, kicking at his boots. 

Cuthbert looked off as if he knew Roland wasn’t being entirely realistic. He didn’t seem all that confident in his next move which was to wipe his blood covered hand down the leg of his jeans and gently grip Roland’s thigh. “If you love me so much...” He shuffled closer and enjoyed the way Roland hung on his words like he never did with anyone else. “Feel me up, Buttercup.” He winked because he could pull that off. 

Roland smirked, laying his hot-hand atop Cuthbert’s. He leaned in just close enough for their lips to drag against each other. “I crave nothing more.” Those words basically shot down Cuthbert’s throat with how close they were. 

                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Don’t mistake this lump for me being ready for round two, Roland. I think I just have a stick in my pants.” Cuthbert wined, shaking out his leg momentarily as Roland tied up the right end of the hammock to a tree. The air was still quiet and no company had yet to cross their path. 

Roland let out a hum of reserved laughter. He found the space in his mind for moments spent being shocked at their own intimate relationship was not bare yet. He may never hit the capacity considering who he was. 

Cuthbert slipped a long stick out from underneath his pant-leg and sighed with relief before hopping onto the swinging hammock, nearly killing himself in the process. 

“Watch yourself, asshole.” Roland rolled his eyes but went into the seat without much more grace than his friend. They were just idiotic boys after all. He took to laying with his feet pointing down at the water, Cuthbert between his legs and resting his back to his chest. With some lingering hesitation, Roland wrapped his arms around him. There would always be a part of him that was unsure of how to act in their relationship. He figured Cuthbert, smart and so true to himself, wouldn’t understand. But ask not, know not. 

Cuthbert nuzzled even closer and played with Roland’s hands. He almost resembled a giant cat. “You like sneaking out here with me?” He attempted to look back at his partner but found it to be a difficult task. 

“Of course.” Roland nodded and habitually squeezed him a little.  

To that, his partner just hummed and kicked off his boots (revealing a cowboy sock on one foot, the other was bare). It wasn’t entirely what Roland had expected from him but Cuthbert was a mystery sometimes. “Why do you ask?” 

Cuthbert shrugged, body rubbing up against him. He gazed up at the clouds without a doubt, something was weighing on his mind. If Alain were here, he’d have it figured out already. But their best friend didn’t often want to accompany them on things which seemed so close to ‘dates’. No matter how many times Cuthbert invited him to observe...Roland’s thoughts digressed. 

“Sorry your dad found out about us that way.” He winced at the memory from their afternoon. Roland wanted to heave up his lunch just at the idea of thinking more about that situation. “It was not a turn-on to have him walk in your room...” Cuthbert winked, Roland felt sick to his stomach but wished dearly for the boy never to change. He was entirely too amusing. 

“Thanks for reminding me.” He chuckled but reached over to rub circles on Cuthbert’s hands with his thumb. The disgust on his father’s face was too much to think about. Roland had never wanted to see his father looking so...disappointed with me. It struck something deep. 

He laughed. “His eyes nearly popped out of his head.” He flicked his hands outwards. “You’re just lucky you weren’t the one standing there with your pants basically at your ankles-”

“You really don’t know when to shut-up, do you?” Roland gagged and slapped his friend gently. Cuthbert merely smirked, playing with the miniature Rook Skull he wore on a chain. His real one was sitting atop his messy childhood dresser still filled with Garfield sweatshirts ten times too small for him now. 

“Oh I do.” Cuthbert playfully pushed Roland’s face away. “But it’s just not fun that way, Roland. You know that.” He pinched him then and turned back to look down at the water. “Open your mouth and try it sometime.” He leaned all the way back, resting his head on Roland’s chest. 

Another breeze rolled over their trembling shoulders, Cuthbert’s exposed toes wiggled either from the pleasure or chill. Maybe both. Roland watched him shove about half his right-foot onto the top side of the other so that his feet were swaddled in one oddly stretched warm cowboy sock. He actually did that pretty often. A fondness special only to his closest friends fell to the pit of Roland’s stomach. 

“Bert?” He nudged him softly. His friend turned, best he could, looking somewhat pensive. “Do you think about the future at all?” He wasn’t sure where the question was coming from but it spilled from his lips nonetheless. 

Cuthbert pulled back suddenly but shared not his laughter rather, an extension of that contemplative look. Narrowed eyes covered by his loose and long hair. “I imagine the flying car business is complete bullshit but I do like to think I die at the hands of a worthy enemy.” 

He smirked, expecting to be smacked but Roland just frowned. Some of his energy deflated a little. “I don’t think that I have, Roland. Not like you.” He shook his head. “Once my thoughts hit the sight of me at the legal drinking age...it gets all fuzzy. Kind of always thought that meant I’d die before seeing twenty-two.” He glanced back to gauge Roland’s response but found that to be too unsettling. 

“Not in any special way that I know about yet-” He shrugged.

“You speak nonsense.” Roland finally interrupted, knowing Cuthbert would just start rambling if he didn’t stop him and he didn’t want to hear any more of the speech.

Cuthbert rolled his eyes, pulling his foot free from it’s sock cage. “Always do.” He smirked but not that happy kind. It made Roland a bit angry. 

“You actually believe this?” 

Cuthbert laughed like the whole situation was ridiculous. “Yeah. I do.” 

Roland felt another wave of frustration roll over him but he didn’t really care for the idea of showing it. He was excellent at fighting and so was Cuthbert. But he didn’t wish to get into that. The day needn’t get worse.  

“I’m not trying to upset you, Roland.” He added with earnest eyes looking down at his lap. “It’s just the way I’ve always thought, huh?” He bumped their arms together with a gentle grin but his friend would have none of it. He sighed. “You could live without me, couldn’t you?” He teased but turned away to add. “I know you could, Roland-”

“Just the same as you could without me, Cuthbert.” He interrupted in a dominantly upset voice. It sent a horrible chill down his friend’s back. “We are strong-willed men, like our fathers before.” He sounded incredibly similar to a scalding parent. “But I don’t wish to live without you. I don’t dare think about such a thing like that, why do you?” 

The laughing boy rolled those big eyes of his again. “I don’t know. I think that was my point.” He shook his head. Roland felt a strong pang of guilt mix with his previous annoyance. 

Dead silence lasted for about another twenty minutes. Roland was an absolute master at refusing to give in first. He’d sit and wait for hours which was arguably a terrible trait. But sometimes---‘No just bad.’ He thought. To pass that time, he found himself staring at a tiny family of frogs resting by the water. Wet and a shiny green color, they glimmered. Their black eyes stared back up at him...

“I might be able to live without you. But I would not love again.” Roland spoke first. He actually managed to do it. He blinked down as if to thank the shiny frogs for boring him so much. They were however gone. 

Cuthbert considered that, looking bemused before turning back and planting a wet kiss to Roland’s cheek. “That’s cute.” 

“I mean it, asshole.” He wiped his sleeve against the spit on his face. At this point in his life, he could hardly be grossed out to the max by his boyfriend’s spit.

Cuthbert nodded. “I know. You always mean what you say. I like that about you, Roland. No one would believe how sweet you are with me.” He helped his friend wipe his face before planting a much softer kiss to his nose. Sweet yet so pleasurable. Roland felt his reaction deep in his gut and found himself to be glad that his father knew of their courtship. It was embarrassing and awful considering Mr. Deschain was steamed. But at least there’d be no more of their silly pretend game of being ‘just friends’. 

Roland smiled, grabbing Cuthbert’s chin to initiate some real kissing. They chuckled against each-other’s warm mouths. “You make me too soft.” He winced at the pathetic way he’d given his anger away just so he could lovingly make-out with him.

“I hope I make you hard.” 

Roland’s mouth watered. He’d be getting a round two after all...

: : : : : : : :

“Can you zip up my jeans, I literally can’t. It’s stuck.” Cuthbert approached Roland, crotch first. He really had no shame. His friend came forth and tugged the tiny metal zipper for him with an amused smile. 

As Roland worked on clothing his boyfriend, Cuthbert took the secret time to admire him. “So, what do you see...in the future, I mean?” He asked, staring down at the top of his boyfriend’s head. 

Roland hummed, finally managing to slide the gadget up and moving to get the button closed for him. “I’d like to get far from here.” He looked around with thought. “Maybe a road-trip with you?” He smiled. 

“That’s it! That’d be what kills me. Traveling with you.” Cuthbert teased and was rewarded with a hard-slap on the arm. “Sorry, sorry. What else?” 

Roland pursed his lips like he might refrain from speaking any more. “A house. Even for a couple of drifters like us.” He gestured between them with a smirk. 

"Any kiddies?” 

Roland shot his head up with puzzled eyes. “How would that-?”

"Adoption, Dumbass.” Cuthbert soaked up this rare moment of Roland being an absolute moron. 

His boyfriend looked down again, looking younger than ever before. “I don’t know about that, Bert. I’m not the nurturing type-”

“Bullshit!” Cuthbert laughed. “You always say that but it’s not true. You’ve proven me right a bunch of times.” He lifted Roland’s hands from his pants and pulled them back down the dirt, towards the water. “Who knows what’s gonna happen? Maybe we will get to have a kid and that house, you and me.” He hopped down to the edge and chuckled. 

Roland admired his wild spirit and held on strongly to his hand. “What will we name this child?”

Cuthbert widened his eyes which filled up with new life. As if he’d never even thought of such an idea. It both filled Roland with joy and sadness. His best friend truly did believe he was to die young. “Oh, what an exciting task!” He swung their grip over the water. 

“We’ve got a lot of time to think about it.” Roland added, with a bit of genuine encouragement. He ached to see Cuthbert so happy. 

“Something stupid and original.” He continued with blazing joy. He might’ve begun to list his thousands of ideas had he not glanced at his boyfriend with such enthusiasm that it made him irresistible. 

Roland had to kiss him just a few more times, wanting the moment to last forever even though it was impossible. He hoped to remember it fondly in that future of theirs...he was sure of it even if Cuthbert wasn’t. “I got you wrapped around my finger, huh?” Cuthbert wiggled his brows when they pulled apart. 

Roland blushed a little. “You like to think so.” He rolled his eyes but felt his chest tighten when his boyfriend stuck his tongue out at him. It was juvenile and very akin to puppy-love but...it was intoxicating. 

“I’m glad we found each other, y’know?” Cuthbert looked off towards the ripples in what was seemingly just still-water. 

Roland came closer and pulled Cuthbert’s arm so they could both rest on the dirt. “Something willed us together. I think.” He threw a rock into the water and smiled like a little boy. 

Cuthbert raised his brow. “Like...the Force?” He giggled, taking up his own little rock-pile. Roland rolled his eyes but found a smirk crawling over his face. He hoped the tiny frog family wasn’t anywhere near their throwing party. “I don’t know about Star Wars, Roland.” 

Instead of replying, Roland pushed him back with a hand to the face, ignoring Cuthbert’s licks to his palm. The oozing blood of the past briefly popped into his brain. The hot-red which had been pouring from Cuthbert’s own palm...It’d almost certainly paused and dried to a crunchy crust.

Roland was in an odd state of complete bliss which was a refreshing change from just a couple hours ago. He owed the mood boost to the man who was just beginning to thwack the open water with dirty rocks. His aim was perfect. He hit nothing but clear water and made excellent splashing distance. 

Roland loved him with all his being. Cuthbert was just about the best-

He burst into a round of hearty laughter at the sight of Cuthbert’s Garfield the Cat underwear sticking out of his pants...the zipper now broken and fly-open. 

It didn’t take long for his boyfriend to realize just what he was laughing at. Maybe it was the breeze...Roland laughed even harder. Cuthbert smirked and leaned back on his palms. “Jokes on you. I like the look.” He shrugged. 

They fell silent again as the daylight bled from a yellow to a dark orange. Signaling the day turning from life to still-memory. Both boys sighed, leaning closer. 

Maybe tomorrow would be just as good...

[talesofstyles]

Half A Heart II

Here it is, folks! Thank you for all the love for the first part. Hope you like this one as well!

“What the fuck are you on about, exactly?” Harry snarled. You could tell that he was raging by the vein that popped out in his neck. Harry had come a long way of controlling his temper so it was rare for you to witness him in that state. A little part of you was scared but you didn’t let it show.

“Not once I ever said a word whenever you’re being a dick to me because I know that you’re just overwhelmed with work. You’re stretched too thin. I know that you’re stressed but you just crossed the line by coming after my children.” You went on.

Harry’s voice kept rising in volume. “Yes, I yelled at them but I’ve got my reasons why. I’m not a nutter who goes around yelling for nothing.”

“Then why?” You challenged him.

“Your daughter was being a brat. You’ve failed to teach her to listen to others. She’s got absolutely no patience at all. She always has to have her own way and-”

You cut him off mid-sentence. You just simply couldn’t bear to listen to more. “Oh God is that how you talk about your own child? Listen to yourself Harry, she’s bloody three for fuck’s sake!”

“It doesn’t mean that she can act like a spoiled brat. I know a lot of three year olds who’s got better manners than your dau-”

“Stop saying your daughter as if she wasn’t yours!” You yelled in frustration.

His face crimsoned. “You literally just referred to them as your children,” He let out a huff before he continued. “Besides, you do it all the time!”

“Yeah, but I always say that in a playful manner. It’s usually when I’m joking or I’m teasing you about the kids taking after your habits or something like that but this,” You let out a harsh breath. “This doesn’t sound anything like that.”

“Argh!” Harry groaned in frustration. His nostrils flared and his pupils dilated. You were certain that that was the most cross he had ever been at you, but frankly, you weren’t much better. Your jaw clenched and if look could kill he would’ve been dead for fifteen minutes by then. “I’m never right with you. Being with you is so hard sometimes, it’s not worth it!”

As soon as his lips snapped shut, you left the room without saying another word. You were too cross to even form a sentence. You were boiling with rage that you swore that if you spent another minute in the same room as your husband you were going to poke his eyeballs out. Or whack him in the dick. Whichever more convenient. You didn’t realise your eyes swam with tears until you felt something cold rolling down your cheeks. You wanted nothing more than just to take a shower and cry your eyes out in there or curl up under the blanket and cry on your pillow. But you promised your littles for a little outing to the park and surely you could use the fresh air. You needed to step away from that cactus of a husband of yours for a second to breathe. You needed to calm yourself down because even though those words still hurt nonetheless, you knew for sure that deep down he didn’t mean anything he said.

You knew George and Eleanor had been listening to the whole exchange when they ran to you to give you a hug as soon as they spotted you walking into the kitchen. You looked down and smiled at your children, your fingers running through their hair.

“Don’t cry, mummy. S’alright, you’re alright.” George mumbled on your hip. You let out a wet chuckle realising that that was the exact same thing you usually tell your littles when they cry. It hit you that the way you talk to your children becomes their inner voice, and the fact that Harry just yelled at them made you feel worse because you didn’t want your children to think that was acceptable. But in that moment, knowing how much empathy they’ve got at such a young age made you realise that you did a good job raising your little ones, and if Harry couldn’t see that then it was his sodding loss.

And you were smarter then than when you first got together with Harry, or even than in the beginning of your marriage. You knew it was best to just let things go unsettled for a time sometimes, and you realised that space without resolution wasn’t a bad thing. In that moment, space was taking all three of your littles to Kensington Garden so they could get their wiggles out and enjoy the fresh air before stopping by your favourite Italian restaurant for dinner. You relied on your littles to distract you because they are the sweetest distraction until things at home settle back down, which you know they always do. You knew taking three children aged five and under on your own to a restaurant was going to be tricky but you weren’t ready to come home yet. Besides, after all the tears and shoutings and harsh words that had been said, your children (and you) deserve a nice stone baked pizza.

The deafening silence at the empty house finally knocked some much-needed sense into Harry’s head. He had been craving the silence so that he could work, but when he finally got what he wanted, he didn’t even last more than five minutes on his chair let alone to actually work. He paced around the house like a bloody nutter, it was as if he was lost and he just didn’t know where to go. His chest rose and fell with rapid breaths. He couldn’t stay still for longer than a minute because he felt like someone just punched him in the gut if he did so. After nearly half an hour of that walking around nonsense, he finally chose the kitchen as his safe place and sat down on the floor, before he broke down and cry.

He recalled everything he said and felt even sicker as the words went around his head. How could he yelled at his little girl just because he couldn’t be arsed to just get up and walk to the kitchen to make her some tea and give her some bloody biscuits? Who was that twat back there in the kitchen who acknowledged the mess in front of him, yet failed to see his children who were trembling with fears? Who was that scunner who talked about his own daughter like she was the most terrible human being on earth? Didn’t he promise her when she was born, to always lift her up? Didn’t he promise her to always speak to her as if she’s the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical human on earth, because he knows that what she believes is what she will become? And who was that prick who told his own wife that she wasn’t worth it? Honestly, he was surprised that she just left the room instead of whacked him one.

He knew that crying on the floor wouldn’t help anything, so he got up and began to prepare dinner so you wouldn’t have to. He thought that was the least that he could do. Whilst he was waiting for the lasagna to bake in the oven, he cleaned the entire kitchen and didn’t stop until it was spotless. He was doing his best to make it up to his wife and children the way he knew how.

But it was already half seven and he began to worry. He immediately ran upstairs to check on yours and the kids’ clothes just to make sure and sighed in relief when he found everything was still there. He fished his pocket to grab his phone and just when he was about to call you, he heard the front door being opened and a fit of giggles came from downstairs.

“Hey!” He greeted you and the kids as he walked down the stairs. “Did you guys have fun at the park?”

You couldn’t believe that he was acting like nothing happened. You gave him a dirty look and began unbuttoning the kids’ coats and hung them. On any other day, the kids would run to him and tell him every little detail of their outings because they knew how much he loved to hear it. The little details made him felt like he was there and that he didn’t miss out much, but in that moment none of them seemed to care.

Harry walked towards you and the kids but the kids hid themselves behind your legs instantly. He frowned at the sight of the kids hiding away from him, hurt clouded his features. He crouched down in front of them so he could be on the same level as the kids.

“Daddy’s sorry, yeah?” He spoke softly. “T’was really mean of ’im t’yell like tha’.”

Eleanor hid further behind you, tightening her grip on the hem of your jumper as she whimpered “mummy” and George was fidgeting, playing with his fingers impatiently and didn’t even spare his dad a glance. None of your kids paid any attention to Harry. You knew that must break his heart, but you also knew that you couldn’t blame your children either for reacting that way. Not once had they ever heard their parents raised their voice at them before that day so it was shocking for them.

You looked down at your husband before you cleared your throat to get his attention. “S’almost past their bedtime,” you reminded him. Your tone was flat, not showing any hint of emotion. You were just exhausted and you wanted to bathe your kids and put them to bed as soon as possible so you could go to your own bed too. “C’mon my loves, let’s get you in the bath.”

“I can help with the baby,” he offered, knowing that his nine months old was the only one who wouldn’t scream bloody murder if he tried to come close.

But you shook your head. “No need. You were busy, right? Need t’get things done?” You were just being petty but you couldn’t care less.

So you went upstairs to Eleanor and George’s shared nursery. You put the baby down to wiggle around on the rug for a bit whilst you got the water running in the ensuite for your kids and took out their pyjamas and put them on the bed. You disappeared for a second to the baby’s nursery next door to get her things before you came back to put all three of your children in the tub. You don’t usually bathe them together because good lord your bathroom looks more like a water park when they’re done, but that night was an exception. The day sucked and you just wanted to get into your bed as quickly as possible.

You sat on the wooden little red chair next to the tub, keeping an eye on the kids as they played a bit in the water. The sound of giggles filled the room as the kids made a beard on their faces with the bubbles, even your littlest let out a proper belly laugh at her silly big sister and brother.

Suddenly you heard a footstep coming closer before Harry appeared on the door frame. You glanced at him for a second before turning your head away and looked at your children instead, taking one of the coloured cups that were floating in the tub and pour the water on your baby.

“Hey,” he greeted and the kids looked up to him for a second. “Daddy just put your PJs and blankets in the dryer so they’ll be warm for you.”

George turned his head to his littlest sister, completely ignoring Harry as he raised his hand and ask for a high five, something that the baby had just learned to do a couple weeks prior so it was still exciting for everyone.

Meanwhile, Eleanor tensed. She immediately looked at you and you could see fear crossed her face. She whimpered for you again. She raised her hands, asking for you to pick her up.

“Hey, hey, you’re alright.” You rubbed her cheek and tried to calm her down without picking her up because she wasn’t done yet.

But her little body trembled in fear and she yelled “no!” repeatedly as Harry walked closer to the tub. Her yell got louder with each step that Harry took towards her. You could see her breath getting heavier before you fully noticed that she was hyperventilating.

“Harry, get out!” You yelled at your husband when you realised that your three year old wasn’t just throwing a tantrum, she was having a panic attack. Harry ran out of the room like a bat out of hell and you quickly took her out of the tub before wrapping her in the towel and brought her close to your chest. You kept whispering “mummy’s here,” in her ear to help her to calm down, which thankfully she did within minutes, but that was without a doubt still the scariest three minutes of your life.

After Eleanor had calmed down, you drained the water in the tub and quickly rinsed off your other children before herding them back to the nursery. When you were back, you found their PJs and blankets piled on George’s bed. The warm PJs reminded you how much Harry truly loved your babies and that’s the kind of father he is. He’s the kind of father who pays attention to the littlest detail that doesn’t even cross your mind sometimes, like warming up their pyjamas and blanket and triple checking their shoes to make sure that they’re wide enough not to crush their pinky toes. He never forgets to make sure that there are no monsters under the kids’ bed every night after he kisses them goodnight. He always makes sure that the baby’s nighttime soother, the one that glows in the dark, is clean before bedtime. You swore that the amount of dummy your baby has cost you could pay a small country’s debt, so it never really matters to you which one she uses but Harry thought the one that glows in the dark would be easier for her to find it in the middle of the night.

After you put their lotion and put their PJs on, you read them stories on George’s bed and tucked the big kids into their own bed. You cuddled Eleanor extra tight before you kissed her goodnight.

When you exit the nursery, you found Harry sat on the floor outside of their door. His back leaning against the wall, his head hung low. He jumped up when he saw you, you could see clear as day the sadness that clouded his features and you couldn’t help but feel bad for him.

“How is she?” he asked. You had known the man in front of you for a little over eight years and you could count with your fingers how many times you had seen him cry. He was never the one to wear his heart on his sleeve, so you were quite surprised when you saw that his eyes were glistening with tears.

“She’s alright now.” You mumbled as you walked towards the baby’s nursery with your littlest on your hip.

“Can I put her down?” He murmured before he went on. “Please?”

As much as you wanted to whack him one in that moment, you also knew that you couldn’t say no to that. After what happened he just needed his baby. “Sure, but she needs to nurse first.”

“I’ll wait for you to finish.”

***

Harry furrowed his brows when he entered your bedroom and found it empty, but then sighed in relief when he heard the sound of hairdryer from the ensuite. On any other day he would just waltz in without even thinking twice, but this time he knew he better wait for you to finish.

His heart thumped loudly when the ensuite door was opened and you appeared from behind it. When you walked into the bedroom, it was the first time both of you being in the same room after your fight earlier. The tension was so thick it was suffocating.

Harry hated the silence because he knew it wasn’t the good kind of silence. Both of you quickly learnt early in your relationship that silence isn’t always a bad thing, so you quit trying to always fill the quiet gap and embrace the silence. You loved knowing that you were comfortable enough with each other to just sat together without the pressure of having to entertain one another.

But this silence was nowhere like that. Harry felt like he could cut the tension with a knife. You could feel his eyes glued on your every move, staring at you intensely as you took a clean white nightdress from the wardrobe and slip into it. Your creams were left untouched on your dressing table, you simply couldn’t be arsed to put them on, knowing you would just mess it up anyway with Harry staring at you like that. You knew that he was desperately trying to come up with something to say. You caught him from the corner of your eyes opening his mouth like he was about to say something but he quickly sealed his lips tight again. It was when you took your pillow and began walking towards the door that he finally said something.

“Where are you going?” He rushed to stop you from going towards the door. You were certain that he knew exactly where you were going but you answered him anyway.

“Spare room.” You replied coldly.

He shook his head. “Absolutely not. You’re sleeping here tonight, with me. Not once in nearly nine years we’ve ever slept apart under the same roof.”

“I can’t stand you right now.” You could feel your expression hardened and you began to get frustrated at your husband who just wouldn’t let you go. To be honest, you were doing him a favour there, because if you slept with him on the same bed you were almost certain that you would kick him off the bed at some point in the middle of the night.

“I’ll sleep on the floor. Just… please, don’t leave this room. I’m sorry for everything I said.” He pleaded.

You looked down, twisting the wedding band on your finger instead of looking at him because you knew the second you looked into his eyes, you wouldn’t be able to stand your ground. “I can’t do this anymore, Harry.”

Harry felt as if someone just knocked the air out of his lungs. That was the five words that he never thought would hear from you. “W- what?” He choked a response.

You went on. “It really pains me to say this but I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t think I’m worth it.”

“Love, don’t say that.” He begged you to stop. He couldn’t hear more of that coming from you.

“No, don’t love me and I will say whatever the fuck I want to say.” It’s rare for you to curse so when you do, he knows that you’re really upset.

“You know it isn’t true.” He spoke lowly. “I didn’t mean anything I said.”

You seethed. “No, I don’t know. I hope it isn’t but I can’t shake the thought that it might be true. The way you said it, it was just very conv-”

Harry cut you off. “It isn’t true. Please don’t let that idea get into your head. I was a complete twat, I didn’t even know what I said. M’sorry.”

You still refused to look up into his eyes, not only you knew it would melt your heart in a second, but you also did it out of pettiness because you knew how much he hated it when someone didn’t look at him in the eyes when they were talking to him.

“Love, say something.” He pleaded again. The silence was killing him and he couldn’t bear it anymore.

“What d’you want me t’say?” Your tone was flat and it sounded cold but he was glad you still at least spoke to him.

“You’re not leaving me, are you?” You were still upset at him, but you couldn’t ignore the pang in your chest at the vulnerability of his tone.

You sighed. “No, but I’m fuming at you right now.”

“I know, I was horrible. M’surprised you haven’t put me in the bin yet.”

Your brows snapped together. “That’s not funny, I’m really pissed.”

“M’sorry.” He apologised again. “Got panicked for a second when you hadn’t come home around seven. I thought you left.”

Knowing that he wouldn’t let you sleep in the guest room, you turned around and walked towards your side of the bed, placing the pillow that you’d been holding back to where it belonged. “Went for dinner.”

“Where did you go?” He asked. You knew that he was trying to make a small conversation, hoping it would distract you and made you forgot that you were pissed at him because most of the time it worked. “I made lasagna. Even put extra cheese because I know the kids love it.”

“Tha’ pizza place in High Street.”

He mused. “Oh, tha’s really nice. They’ve got the best pizza.”

You didn’t reply. You turned your back and closed your eyes whilst he took a pillow and placing it on the hardwood floor. “Night, love.” He mumbled before he closed his eyes. He was dying to give you a proper goodnight kiss but he knew you wouldn’t like that. Not in that moment at least.

***

“Ow, ow ow ow. Ow…. ow ow,”

The sound of your husband groaning in pain woke you up from your deep slumber. You tried to close your eyes again to go back to sleep but it didn’t work, so you sat up and looked down at him. “What’s wrong with you?” You sounded a little annoyed.

“I can’t get up. M’back hurts.”

You tried not to laugh at the sight of him wiggling around the hardwood floor and moaning in pain with his every move. “Come up here and get tha’,” you tilted your head towards his bedside table, referring to the bottle of almond oil in the drawer that you usually use for massage.

The thought of getting a back rub was enough to motivate him to hold onto the bed and finally pulled himself up. He opened the drawer and blindly looked for the bottle and took it out and put it on the bed when he found it.

“No, not the lube you prat!” You scolded him. “The oil!”

“Sorry sorry! Didn’t see it. It hurts.” He moaned again as he looked for the right bottle.

You mumbled, trying to bit your lips to keep yourself from laughing. “Such a baby.”

When he finally found the right bottle, he got up and sat on his side of the bed before laying down on his stomach. “If this doesn’t prove my love for you I don’t know what will.”

“Shut up, m’still ticked at you.” You deadpanned.

He let out a moan, a good moan this time, but not that kind of moan when you began rubbing his back. “I was going mad when you left with the kids yesterday.” He started.

You furrowed your brows. “We left for three hours.”

“Felt like there was half an arrow in my chest.” He went on.

You tried to stifle your chuckle. “Did you just quote your own song?”

“Oh shoot, you still remember. But s’true.” He replied.

“Course I remember,”

“Tha’ was your jam, wasn’t it? 15 year old you must be so cute singing around to tha’.” He was bashful and you loved the shift in the mood.

“Ha. You wish.” He was right but there was no way you would admit that. Absolutely not.

“Oh no, I know your favourite. T’was the other one, hold on-” he hissed as he took a second to think. “Ah, Through The Dark! Oh I will carry you over, fire and water for your love.” He began singing.

“Yeah, go on, keep taking the piss. Tha’ really helps me to dissolve my anger towards you.”

He ignored your comment and kept on singing. “And I will hold you closer hope your heart is strong enough.”

You tried to control the 15 year old girl inside of you who wanted nothing more than just to scream because who would’ve known that even after three babies later with one of the singers, the song still had that effect on you.

He reached for your arm and pulled it down. You squealed as you fell on your stomach next to him.

“I love you,” he blinked. “M’completely besotted. Absolutely enamoured. Hopelessly in love wi’ you. Best thing tha’ ever ‘appened t’me, yeh are. T’is Harry talking, your husband, so y’av to believe me. The pillock yesterday wasn’t Harry.”

“Oh, was tha’ Henry?” You joked.

“Thought Henry was m’cock’s name?”

“Exactly.”

“You’re right. The bloke yesterday was a cock.” You cackled and he continued. “M’sorry for what I said about Eleanor too. I’m disgusted at myself. Can’t believe I said those words about m’own baby girl. I don’t deserve her, I’m a shit father.”

“You were a shit father yesterday, but you’re a great father any other day, H. Always have been.” You affirmed him.

“You’re just saying that cause y’av to.”

You shook your head. “No I don’t. If you’re a shit father rest assured I’ll tell you that on your face. But you’re not, I’m telling you the truth. Just please don’t ever take it out on the kids and I again if you’re stressed or frustrated with work.”

“I promise. I’m sorry.” He apologised again.

“You need to apologise to them.” You reminded him and he nodded.

“I will. Absolutely. I’ll try to make it up to them today.”

***

George and Eleanor ignored Harry all morning. Thankfully Eleanor was better, she didn’t want to talk to Harry but at least she didn’t freak out whenever he was close. Harry tried to get on their good side by offering toast and nutella for breakfast, which rarely happens in your house because you don’t normally allow chocolate for breakfast. They munched on their toast happily but they didn’t say a word to Harry except a simple “thank you” when he handed them their plates. You chuckled because they might be pissed but they were still polite.

After breakfast, you put on some Sunday morning cartoon in the living room for the kids. You were sat on the sofa, sandwiched between your two babies whilst Harry sat on the armchair with your littlest on his lap playing with his wedding band because George and Eleanor didn’t let him sit on the sofa.

“My loves, do you wanna make some choquettes for snack later?” Harry asked the kids when Fireman Sam finished on the telly. George shook his head but Eleanor completely ignored him.

“Daddy’s asking you a question, poppet.” You turned to your little girl. “S’not very nice to ignore someone when they’re talking to you, is it?”

She mumbled. “No, thank you.”

“Alright.” Harry sighed. “I’ll make them for you, I know how much you like it.”

Harry stood up and placed the baby on your lap before he went to the kitchen to make the kids’ favourite pastry. Cooking had never been his forte but you knew your husband could bake even though he only worked as a cashier in a bakery years ago.

The kids still pretty much ignored him during lunch and you could tell that Harry was getting a little frustrated. He tried everything but the kids hadn’t warmed up to him just yet. They’d been glued to you nearly all day so you knew you had to leave for at least an hour so they could warm up to Harry. You took the opportunity to leave when they were napping so they, especially Eleanor, wouldn’t throw a fit when you left. You needed to go shopping anyway because now that it was getting warmer, you needed to get some new spring clothes for the kids and your littlest baby had outgrown most of her onesies and bodysuits.

Again, Eleanor was the first to wake up from her nap and she immediately went looking for you but when she went down, she only saw Harry in the living room with his laptop on his lap. Harry smiled at her as soon as he saw her.

“Ello, poppet. Did yeh av a nice nap?” He greeted her. The little girl hesitated a bit before she walked into the living room, which took Harry by surprise because he was almost sure that she would just run back upstairs.

The three year old nodded before climbing up onto the sofa and plopped herself down next to her daddy. Harry wrapped his arm around her instantly and brought her to his lap after he put his laptop away. “Daddy’s really sorry, poppet. I didn’t mean to scare you yesterday. I was very mean, wasn’t I?”

She nodded again. “You weren’t nice, daddy. You need a time out.”

“A time out?” Harry chuckled.

“Uh uh.” She insisted. “Y’need to sit on the stairs.”

The last step on the stairs had always been the designated spot for a time out for the kids whenever they’re being cheeky in your home. If they don’t listen to you or Harry or if they fight too much they’d have to sit there for three minutes. Harry never knew that would come to bit him in the arse.

“Alrigh’,” Harry agreed. “But will yeh forgive me when I’m done?”

She nodded vigorously. “Of course! But three minutes, daddy.” She held up three of her fingers.

So Harry sat there on the last step of the stairs whilst Eleanor stood in front of him, holding his phone as she waited for the timer to went off. Before Harry finished his time out, George appeared from the top of the stairs.

“George! M’puttin’ daddy on time out!” Eleanor squealed excitedly, making Harry chuckled. “No, don’t laugh, daddy! S’not funny. Y’need to think about what you did.”

Harry bit on his lips trying not to laugh at his little girl’s stern face. She might be a carbon copy of himself but goodness she did sound like you. “M’sorry, m’sorry.”

“We don’t yell, daddy. S’not nice.” George chimed in.

“I know. M’really sorry.” Harry apologised again and the timer went off.

“Time’s up!” Eleanor shrieked. “Y’can get up now, daddy!”

“Can I get a hug?” Harry opened his arms wide for his babies.

“That depends, daddy. Can I get some choquettes?” George gave him a cheeky smile and Harry nodded.

“Wha’ a cheeky lad!” Harry squeezed him tight before pulling Eleanor closer to his chest to wrap her into a hug as well.

***

Eleanor and George were glued to Harry for the rest of the day, even after you and the baby got home. They were his sous-chef when he prepared dinner and insisted for Harry to bathe them. After you put your littlest to bed, you peeked inside Eleanor and George’s nursery and saw Harry sandwiched between his babies on George’s big boy bed. You could see the pile of books on the floor and you were certain he read them not less than ten books. You could feel your eyes welled up as you listened to the things Harry was telling your babies.

“Daddy loves you so much, both of you. I’m so grateful that you are my son and that you are my daughter. You both make me and mummy SO happy. You’re a good boy and you’re a good girl and you’re the best big siblings for your baby sister. You two are smart and funny and kind and I wouldn’t want anyone else to replace you. You make mummy and I very proud every day.”

Tag list:

@all-things-fic @sushiabby @beautybeanie92 @omgdani17 @styleswritin @celestial-aries @hellofanfiction @harryisalittleshit @barikawho @allamerican-betch @mrspeacem1nusone @waitingfortwilight @why-are-all-the-teens-gay @njhbuzzin @harrysdimplles  @thefireisgone  @sleepybesson

P.S. Tumblr didn’t let me tag a lot of blogs, I’ve got no idea why so sorry if I didn’t tag you!

[eirabach]

Hazy Days

This is absolute utter nonsense, following on from the idea of Alan getting messed with on his 18th, written to cheer myself up. Hope it cheers some of you guys up too. Going out to @onereyofstarlight for the inspro <3

Gordon hovers at the threshold of the lounge, hiding behind the door frame as he listens to the sound of furniture scraping across the floor and the dull thud of wood against wood.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” someone says, voice low and urgent.

“It’s tradition,” comes the reply. 

“That isn’t what I asked though, is it.”

“You thought it was fun when we got Virg with the --”

“Hey! We promised never to speak of it!”

“Yeah yeah, come on hurry up, he’s gonna be in any minute --”

There’s another bang, and the sound of something heavy coming to rest. Then, a long, suspicious silence. Gordon knows a lot about suspicious silences. Enough that he ought to know better than to investigate them.

He doesn’t though, so there’s that.

Scott is sat behind their father’s desk, which is -- not as weird as it used to be, exactly, but still just odd enough to draw Gordon’s attention. To draw him out. It is possible Scott is relying on this, of course. It is equally possible that it works.

“Ah, Gordon!” Scott says, like he hasn’t just been eating egg sandwiches with him twenty minutes ago, like he’s the CEO of an international company and Gordon’s the intern whose name Scott’s got down on a prompter. “Join us?”

Scott is the CEO of an international company, and okay Gordon isn’t the intern, exactly, but he’s compelled to obey nonetheless. He approaches the desk gingerly, noting the way Scott’s got his fingers pressed together, the absence of paperwork.

“Whatever this is, I don’t like it.”

“Why, what do you think this is?”

Gordon hesitates, eyes flicking from Scott to the two brothers sat either side of him. Virgil is wearing that face -- the this is for your own good face -- that Gordon’s long since learnt to associate with things he’d really really rather not experience. Decompression trials. Particle physics lectures. Grandma’s vindaloo. John looks -- well, John looks like John. Cool, collected, clearly wishing with every bone in his body that he was anywhere else. Gordon’s always liked that about John, the predictability. Now it only serves to solidify the queasy sort of feeling in his chest into what could best be described as dread.

“An -- intervention?”

A muscle twitches in Virgil’s jaw. John huffs, his fingernails tap tap tapping against the plexiglass screen of the tab in front of him. Scott lifts one eyebrow, leans forward, and lowers his voice.

“Do you require an intervention?”

“Are you asking?”

Scott beams at him, a full, shit-eating grin; Gordon takes three solid steps back. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, and it sounds genuine enough but that grin is nothing but unnerving. “That we missed your birthday.”

Ah. Well.

It’s not like it could be helped, the timing. It’s not like that guy capsized his yacht on purpose. Or the planet decided to shift its plates just to fuck with him. Or the ISS crapped out on its orbit just because it happened to be Gordon Tracy’s birthday.

His eighteenth birthday, not that he’s counting. Not that anyone had been counting. Even Grandma’s cake had been a -- thankfully -- minuscule affair, topped with shop bought fondant and a single candle that he’d blown out with the last puff of exhaustion at midnight.

Make a wish, Gordon. Right. Like he doesn’t do that hourly.

Still, it was better than last year. Last year he’d spent it at the bottom of the ocean, tucked up tight in his ‘bird. Not because he had to, not because there was any one to save, but because -- because there hadn’t been. He’d been desperate for distraction, then. For anything to take his mind off the constant sickening ache of remembering and missing and knowing that this is what every birthday would be like, now. Forever. 

Orphan. 

Last year had been, frankly, shit. 

“Noted, and as you should be,” Gordon says, and narrows his eyes. “So what, you’re gonna make it up to me?”

Scott sits back in their dad’s chair, arms behind his head and grins. “Yeah.”

This is -- not reassuring.

“Where’s Alan?”

Virgil moves, cracking his neck as he stretches, and Gordon winces because he’s seen the footage from that ‘quake. His brother has gotta be feeling it.

“Gordon, you’re eighteen now,” he says, perfectly solemn, and Scott’s expression tries to rearrange itself into something a little less -- worrying. John rolls his eyes. “That makes you -- “ a long pause, all dramatic effect, “a man.”

“Oh God.”

“And when you’re a man --” From the drawer of dad’s desk appears an item that Gordon would prefer to never, ever, ever consider his father having any use of. At all. 

He probably didn’t. 

There are five of them.

“Oh God, oh God, Jesus, anyone, don’t.”

“You see, Gordy,” says Scott, tipping the contents of the box onto the desk with the sort of glee Gordon hasn’t seen from him in at least eighteen months. “When a man loves a --”

“Scott I will pay you not to finish that sentence.”

“With what, my money?”

“Scott!”

“All right, all right,” Scott actually laughs, then, hands raised in surrender. “You win. Virgil, finish the sentence.”

“That isn’t what I --”

“Gordon,” Virgil says, and what the -- he’s holding a banana. Why is he holding a banana. Why isn’t the ground opening up and swallowing Gordon whole? “As your brothers --”

Scott cuts in. “Your older, responsible, brothers.” 

“We feel it’s important to talk to you about --” another dramatic pause, there was always too much theatre kid in Virgil, “safety.”

Gordon can’t really back much further away, not without either actually running for it or tripping over the back of the sofa and concussing himself. He considers it anyway, but instead settles for  throwing his hands up in front of him.

“No. Nuh-uh. No way. I have had this little chat. I went to school. I spent two and a half years living in dorms with eighty five really really fit people, okay? I know.” He turns, desperately, to the only other person who could possibly hate this conversation more than he does. “Johnny, tell them!”

John pushes a little foil packet towards him with the same delicacy Virgil would use to defuse a bomb. Gordon stares at him.

“Don’t look at me,” John says, dropping the tab down beside it, “I don’t want to be here anymore than you do.”

“Then why,” Gordon hisses, “are you here?”

John blinks at him, then nods to the tab. “Schematics.”

That does it, he bolts, fingers in his ears and shirt flapping behind him as he practically throws himself out of the villa and down towards the beach. Scott sighs happily, rubbing his hands together before pocketing all but one of the condoms. This he offers to Virgil, who declines with a wave. John plucks the banana from Virgil’s hand and peels it before lifting it in salute toward Gordon’s rapidly disappearing form.

“To adulthood,” John intones. “And all its many --” his nose wrinkles momentarily “challenges.”

Virgil scoffs, but Scott smiles. 

“Godspeed, kid,” he says, soft as can be. “Godspeed.”

[heartslobbf]

analysis of underrated perwaine moments, i hear literally no one you all asking for. you’re in luck!!! today we are here to cry about 4x12 and 4x12 exclusively.

i don’t know how many people actually remember this moment because i honestly don’t see that many people talking about it (even though it’s a very important glimpse into gwaine’s character development since the third series) but, the scene i’m talking about is the one in the infirmary at the beginning of 4x12, in which gwaine tells percival to leave without him.

first of all, let’s talk about why this is an important moment for gwaine: in series 3, we are repeatedly told that gwaine is lonely, that gwaine’s only friend is merlin, etc, etc. he feels purposeless, aimless, without a home, which is why he never stays put in one place until he meets someone he has such an undeniably genuine connection with, merlin. at the end of series 3 we are only just beginning to see gwaine’s arc unfold, but it’s almost completely dropped in series 4 along with a lot of other side characters. this exchange between gwaine and percival in 4x12 is important because it shows how gwaine now has people in his life other than merlin: notice how he specifically chooses to say goodbye to percival, says, ‘i’ll keep them off your back,’ makes it personal to him and shows that yeah!!! gwaine has friends and loved ones and people he cares about, people he is willing to die for!! this teeny tiny moment tells the audience that gwaine has finally found the love he deserves (not that merlin isn’t gwaine’s favourite person on earth, it’s just that merlin was the only person who cared about gwaine in return before).

so, yeah. it’s an important moment for gwaine that very few people talk about, but now i’m going to go off on a perwaine rant and basically claim that perwaine is intrinsic to the importance of the scene and both characters’ arcs which, like,,,,,, i mean it’s fucking true and i’ll fight you on that.

it’s such a tender moment. sure, it’s hasty and there’s tension, and it’s not really the time, but god whenever i watch this, what, thirty second clip i want to cry. it’s a goodbye. it’s played off as gwaine just buying the others more time, but if that’s really what the writers wanted to convey they wouldn’t have carefully crafted the whole thing to centre around percival. gwaine would have been like ‘oh, go on without me,’ to merlin as well, he wouldn’t have been so calculated in taking percy aside and gently, nobly sacrificing himself. because between the eye-fucking and the fucking bro hug, this is an incredibly romantic moment, not the sort of goodbye you save for anyone.

and again, this goes back to gwaine’s character development and only enhances it further: almost two years ago, gwaine claimed that merlin was the only person in the whole world who cared about him, that ‘people got sick of [him] too quickly’. and now gwaine is so invested in someone else that he’s willing to completely risk his life in ensuring they are safe. this is a sad moment, sure, but it makes me so undeniably happy knowing that gwaine finally feels loved and appreciated, that maybe his insecurities have eased up because it’s not just merlin who can bear to put up with him.

this rant is a bit off brand for me considering it’s so gwaine-centric, but i don’t think loads of people think about the implications of this scene, and it really is significant to gwaine’s development over the show however small it is. but, because of course i have to make everything about percival, we’re gonna go off about why it’s important for his nonexistent arc too.

don’t get me wrong, i know percival basically doesn’t have any purpose in the show. but first of all, fuck you, and second of all, if the writers hadn’t dropped every other knight’s storyline after they wrapped up lancelot’s, he’d be incredibly important in gwaine’s, and that would’ve opened up his own.

anyway, two main things to say about this moment and it’s impact on percival: it’s foreshadowing, and it shows the development in his character that only someone as sad as i would pick up on. percival’s entire family was killed by cenred’s men at some unspecified time, as mentioned by merlin in a throwaway line during 4x06. as the self proclaimed number one percival stan, i spent way too long overthinking this whole thing and came to the conclusion that percival is reasonably emotionally closed off. he’s quiet for starters, and presents himself as sort of shy, and when paired with the fact he doesn’t really have any connections to any of the characters in the show, you can quite easily assume that he doesn’t really feel part of the inner circle. and maybe he doesn’t even want to be, because he’s scared that if he gets attached to people he’ll lose them, just like with his family.

now apply that to this moment in 4x12, when gwaine and percival have an established and firm relationship. percival accepts this goodbye, reluctantly, but he accepts it nonetheless. and percival clearly cares about gwaine a lot, considering there are multiple instances he’s saved his life in the past and the show is quite keen on presenting these two characters as close. this acceptance suggests that percival is overcoming his grief, his trauma, and is able to form relationships with people and realise the tangibility of them ending, without letting it destroy him.

some of you might think that’s a stretch, which is fine, but all i can say is bbc hire me and i’ll rewrite the show with percy as the protagonist.

anyway, continuing where we left off at, foreshadowing and the demise of relationships: in 4x12, gwaine chooses to stay behind at the mercy of morgana to ensure that percival is safe. this is foreshadowing the very dumb subplot from 5x13 with gwaine and percival, what with the implication that this might be the last time they see each other, this is their final goodbye, blah blah blah. it’s preparing for these characters’ final moments together, in which gwaine will just have a nap die, and percival will have to go on without him. sure, i absolutely hate the weird revenge plot the show tried to make with these two characters and morgana in like, the last half hour of the show, but this scene in 4x12 does echo it in a foreboding way that just makes me want to cry.

this is kind of a nonsensical rant about everything i’ve ever felt about the ten seconds of a merlin episode that actually features percival, but i do think this stuff is important if you care about the knights. and the show chose to keep it in, so they must think it’s important too.