#and this show is a decently well done tragedy

[princesssarcastia]

thoughts on house of the dragon and what it means to be a targaryen

i watched house of the dragon.  or, parts of it, at least.  the parts I found interesting.  the small but dedicated f/f corner of ao3—forever out here doing the necessary work—made a convincing case.  so, unfortunately, did matt smith’s involvement; i’ve enjoyed him since they heydays of doctor who and i’m not about to stop now. 

so: what this show has further convinced me of, is that the targaryens were never meant to rule.  daario naharis said it best in season 6 of got when he said:

 “you weren’t made to sit on a chair in a palace//you’re a conqueror, daenerys stormborn.”

some of the true dragons, like rhaenys, learn to fake it and live well in the civilized world.  some of them turn fucking insane and weak and abusive, like gold-crowned viserys.  some of them aren’t really dragons, like king viserys and queen aemma, who lack the hawkish nature, wildness, and ruthlessness that seem to be innate traits in most of the others.

but the ones with fire in their blood, the real dragons, like rhaenyra and daemon (and daenerys, in the end), aren’t made for sitting in chairs.  a crown is just another kind of chain, in the end, and it suits them ill.  rhaenerya says what she wants in the first episode, and frankly, i believe her:

I want to fly with you on dragon-back, see the great wonders across the Narrow Sea, and eat only cake.

rhaenerya doesn’t want the throne, in the beginning.  and from her poor political showing in the rest of the series, it’s pretty clear that she doesn’t have the skills or the drive to maintain that kind of position.  she only latches onto it because her father gives it to her (and then she gets backed into a corner by the inevitable series of events that follow).  all she wants is for her father to love her, and for her father to be happy, and when he makes her heir, in her mind he’s saying “this is how you can make me happy.  i love you.  i love you and this is how I’m choosing to show it.”  after that, any threat to that position becomes a threat to viserys’s love for her.

after that, she sets aside what she wants for herself—to live on syrax’s back with alicent, to live a life of wants fulfilled—in order to become what she believes her father wants.  in order to hang onto something that will make her miserable with her goddamn fingertips just to keep that horrible old man happy.

and she is, of course, heartrendingly similar to daemon and his love for viserys and his desire to please him at any cost.   that stupid old man had them both by the throat, and he didn’t realize it, but he also took it as nothing less than his due.  like with rhaenerya in the first episode, i’m also wont to believe daemon when he says all he wants is to protect viserys:

D: He doesn't protect you. I would.

V: From what?

D: Yourself. You're weak... Viserys. And that council of leeches knows it. They all prey on you for their own ends.

Daemon love Viserys so fucking much—the only thing he loves more is rhaenerya, but even then I think it’s close.  I think if the two of them had ever come into direct conflict, it would have been a close fucking call which side daemon picked.

The positions of power Viserys gives Daemon are how Daemon measures how much his brother loves him.  Making him heir is a sign of his love, but it’s not enough; Daemon wants to protect Viserys, too.  He wants Viserys to trust him enough to defend him from all comers—something Rhaenerya later happily lets him do, btw, which is part of why their relationship (mostly) worked.  He wants someone holding his leash who isn’t afraid to let him off it, to let him be a dragon.

So, when Viserys takes away that position (takes away his love), and worse, when he sends Daemon away....it guts him.  Matt Smith’s wounded puppydog eyes remain fucking undefeated, jfc.

which brings me to another game of thrones quote, from maester aemon at castle black:

A Targaryen alone in the world is a terrible thing.

I think Targaryens are like wild gods; immensely powerful, ill-suited to anything but what they want, and the loneliest creatures on earth without someone who understands them.  being the last of old valeyria and a cultural diaspora exacerbates this problem to intense extremes—it’s why rhaenerya and daemon bond over their shared language and converse in it so frequently when they’re alone.  the whole show is the two of them desperately going “same hat!!” with each other because there’s no one else who they feel like understand them and the fire in their blood their desperate desire for the king to love them. 

all daemon and rhaenerya needed was for viserys to love them, and for their own selves to make him happy.  but viserys is too wrapped up in the kingship, in heirs and hanging on to power that he is also ill-suited for, though for different reasons that his brother and daughter, to be what they need from him.  instead, viserys wraps them in chains and ties them to the throne, makes them want that stupid chair through the transitive property of desire.  daemon and rhaenerya want viserys to love them, viserys want to keep the throne and loves the throne and the kingship, therefore daemon and rhaenerya come to want to keep the throne.

and then he does that stupid shit will alicent.  you fucked up a perfectly good lesbian, is what you did!  Look at her, she has anxiety!  so mad about that.  it’s so selfish, and gross, and it wrecks alicent and rhaenerya permanently. 

it’s just tragedies all the way down. 

it all becomes inevitable and locked in when viserys chooses an heir over his wife, when he lets otto make rhaenerya heir, when otto decided rhaenerya will make a good placeholder for the good of the realm but then doesn’t let anyone else in on the secret fact that it’s a temporary gig, in his mind.  off to the races.  first one to kill all the others wins, and claims the terrible victory of once again being alone.

look out for part two, in which i detail the way it could all go...better. not perfect. but better.

[entitled-fangirl]

No pajama party for you, Mr. Graham.

Will Graham x fiancee! fem! reader

Summary: Will gets his fiancee drug along into his twisted games with Hannibal, leading to her now restrained body in the chair across from him at Mason Verger's dining room table.

Words: 1,513

Warnings: Mason is gross. Inappropriate comments about the reader from Mason.

Genre: angst?

Author's note: slightly boring, but I like it. Also, I don't own pretty much any of this, but my insertion of Y/N and some added lines. And not my GIF. Enjoy :)

Masterlist

...................................................................................................

Will’s greatest fear was coming true.

Here she was, his fiancee, tied up in the chair across from him. Her hair was seemingly done and her outfit was a decently revealing dress. Will lets out a deep breath as if holding himself in. He sneered at Mason, who sat in his chair at the head of the table happily. 

“Well, if Jezebel was right with the risen Jesus, the Riz would have provided her with a new face, as His has provided mine.”

Will’s eyes slowly moved over to look at Mason in confusion. Mason simply stared back at him, raising his eyebrows as if mocking him. Mason takes his silence as a sign to continue. 

“The transplants surgery is extremely skillful, which is why Cordell here will be performing the face-off.” 

As he says so, Cordell walks into the room with another plate of food, backing down to set it on the table, then swiftly standing back up. He turns and stares at Will with a happy expression, before his voice utters a simple, “hello,” as if we was talking to a child. And with that, he disappears into a back room. 

Y/N's eyes flicker between Hannibal, who sits at the foot of the table, and Will as if she’s trying to read their feelings, but like most things with Hannibal, he is unreadable. In fact, as of now, he seems rather happy. She tries to not let expressions show. 

“You boys remind me of that German cannibal who advertised for a friend and then ate him, and his penis before he died,” Mason said. Hannibal gives a grin at this as he continues to eat his food. “Tragedy being, the penis was overcooked. Go to all that trouble to eat a friend, and you overcook his penis!” Y/N at this point has a ruddy shade on her cheeks as she avoids eye contact with everyone. “They ate it anyway. They had to, they committed. But they didn’t enjoy it.”

Hannibal keeps a cheeky smile on his face throughout Mason’s entire monologue. Y/N couldn’t help but wonder what the doctor was thinking. Hannibal was often like this. Sometimes, that look could mean that he finds your company rather enjoyable, and other times he was wondering how you would taste over a side of rice. Perhaps now, he was thinking both. 

Will takes this time to look around the room and the table. A cooked pig sat at the center of the table, with various sides surrounding it. His eyes flicker up to his fiancee’s, but she’s looking at Hannibal with a confused expression. He wished he could get out of his restraints to let her go. God, she deserved anything but this. Two years of dating and this is what she gets. And Will has no idea why Mason wants her.

“I’m committed to enjoying every bit of you,” Mason continued as he stared harshly at Lecter. 

Will interrupts him, a tinge of anger and confusion in his tone, “You’re going to eat him… with my face?” He now stares at Mason, not knowing if he wants the answer.

Mason looked to Will, his eyes squinting, and his voice strong. “Yes. I got a taste for it after you two had me eat my nose.” Will looked down, contemplating the disfigured man’s words. He knew he was getting into the wrong crowd, but now, not only was he in danger, but he brought his beautiful girl into it as well, and for that, he couldn’t forgive himself. He also couldn’t help but blame Hannibal, but now was not the time to be pointing fingers. 

Mason continued, his eyes staring at Y/N, “and then I’ll eat her…” Y/N's head perks up to look at him in fear. He cheekily raises his eyebrows, “…in a different way, of course.” His gaze wanders up and down her body like a hungry lion looks at its prey. 

She looks down at the table, her cheeks a consistent shade of red throughout this entire dinner. But Will had heard too much, in his opinion. Of course, that's what he wants with her. It seems that the expression, 'you are what you eat,' is proving itself to Will now because he's looking at the pig on the table and the man sitting at the head of it. He pulled on his restraints harshly, his voice almost a growl, “Don’t fucking-"

Hannibal immediately cuts in, “You must be terribly proud that you could bring this off.” He eats his food as if he’s not in a dangerous situation with a man that wants to eat him, kill his friend, and mate with his friend’s fiancee. “It’s dangerous to get exactly what you want.” He looks up to meet Mason’s eyes, a confident glow in them, “What will you do after you’ve eaten me?”

Will stares at the table, his eyes slowly moving up towards Mason again. His voice was fairly confident and steady, but inside his blood had begun to boil. “You could wreck some foster homes and torment some children.”

Mason is now tormenting Will, “No, I’ll drink martinis made with tears.”

“But where, Mason, would the hard-core fun come from?” Hannibal chimed in. He didn’t like people messing with things that were his, such as Will and Y/N. But, of course, he would never let that show. 

Mason clicks his tongue at him. “It’s foolish to dilute such an ecstatic time as this with fears about the future,” he said as his eyes wandered back to Y/N's face. She was a pretty little thing, after all.

He smiles as much as his disfigured face allows him to at the sight of Y/N's fears. "Don't worry, girl. It'll be just like how it is now. Will's face will be the only one you'll see when making love. It's as if nothing will change."

Her face turns to one of disgust. Her voice finally chirps up quietly, though her eyes remain on the table, "I'd rather die."

Mason gives a quiet chuckle, "People will die today, but none of them are you, sweetie." He quickly scans the room before his gaze settles on Will. “Uh, Cordell, Mr. Graham is looking very dry. A little moisturizer, please.” Cordell nods and quickly leaves the room. 

Will stares at the table with multiple emotions going through him. Both Y/N and Hannibal know that look. They have seen it consistently. It usually means he’s going to do something rash, if he can come up with the plan for it. His eyes are beyond an angry glare as if he could murder someone in cold blood with a glance. If that were so, the fork on the table would be a puddle of melted metal.

The doctor pretends to take no notice, still seemingly enjoying himself. “I’m curious- what will be the first cuts of me you’ll serve?”

Cordell interrupts. “The first course, of course, will be your hands and feet,” he says as a matter of fact. Y/N feels a shiver go down her spine at his words, worried for the psychiatrist. He continues, “sizzling on a Promethean barbecue.” Will looks up in concern, staring at the two as Cordell describes how he’ll cook the man. “The coal is white and very hard. It makes a clear ringing sound when struck.” 

Y/N can’t recall a time she’s seen Lecter look so pleased. His gaze shifts back to Mason with a smile- a real smile, “You’ve thought of everything.”

Mason hums, “And after that, we’ll have a little pajama party, you and I. You can be in shorties by then.” At this point, Cordell is approaching Will with the moisturizer. “Cordell is going to keep you alive for a very long time.”

Cordell bends down slightly to study Will’s face before dipping his finger in the small tin of moisturizer. As if you’d miss it in a blink, Will moves his head toward Cordell’s face, biting into his cheek harshly. The cook lets out a scream of pain, and Hannibal lazily looks over, unfazed. Y/N grips the arms of her chair tightly, letting out a small shriek at the sight. The tin of moisturizer is dropped on the ground and Cordell steps back, letting out grunts as he holds a hand over the bleeding hole in his face. Will makes a disgusted look on his face and spits the chunk out on the table, blood now staining the tablecloth and Will’s face. He then leans back, slightly pleased with his handiwork. Mason looks at him with no emotion.

“Well, no pajama party for you, Mr. Graham.” Will takes long deep breaths. He looks up to see Y/N's horrified expression, then turns slightly to look at Hannibal, who is smiling proudly at him. “We’re gonna feed you to the pigs as soon as Cordell has removed your face- in a much more civilized fashion than you just tried to remove his.”

He looked back to Y/N, realizing he may have fucked up.

...........................................................................

I may continue with the storyline :)

[taggedmemes]

SENTENCE MEME BALDUR'S GATE 3 / PART SIX

leave us in peace and we shall leave you in kind.

cut the crap.

we just want to go home.

enough of this charade.

i'll not play pretend anymore.

you'll soon learn what it means to ally yourself with the likes of this garbage.

i'm free now, and i'm never going back.

fuck them.

felt good letting off a little steam.

if i burn any hotter, i might explode.

don't get too close until i've found a way to calm down.

it's a bit early to be getting into tragic backstories.

let's save the scar-show for later after we've worked up an appetite for tragedy.

in the grand scheme of things, i'm inconsequential [to her].

she favored me like a child favors a captive pet.

it had the makings of a good stage show, but i did not want to be one of the players.

torture, bloodsport? or perhaps just a good old-fashioned walloping?

you owe me nothing.

i could extort you, if that's what you want.

you're teasing me now.

ignorance is alive and well it seems.

don't make me get the wooden spoon.

you'd best have one hells of an apology for me.

if you think your precious little god holds any power here, you're in for a surprise.

do you treat all your guests so poorly?

i don't like busybodies.

you are as thick as they come.

are you telling me you made love to a goddess?

i shared a bed with a goddess and yet i wasn't satisfied.

shall i share the story behind it or would you rather head straight to its sordid finale?

how are you still alive?

we've come this far together and we'll continue on together.

even i am tired of the sound of my own voice.

i'll rip your spine out of your asshole.

i'll use your blood to spice my stew.

i'll keep you alive until i've sucked the marrow from your bones.

killing me is a waste of time.

you bastard, you ruined everything.

this is an interesting way of thanking me.

a slap is all you deserve.

a hag was never going to help you.

they don't help anyone but themselves.

that double-crossing, filthy, lying hag.

focus on the positive.

forgive the aroma.

perhaps that is why i have survived so long where more fearsome peers have not.

your loyalty is admirable but misplaced.

his kind have charm beyond our mortal means to resist.

who'd keep a secret like that from his friends?

you can't trust anyone these days.

even in the middle of nowhere, he can reach me.

why do you insist on exhuming the past?

people think the biggest threat to a vampire is a cleric with a stake.

they're scheming, paranoid, power-hungry beasts.

i am what i must be, says what i must be.

how does it feel to be a devil?

i can't tell if you're being silly or serious.

you have to admire the man's ambition.

i promise i will not betray your trust.

you kept me by your side despite the menace i am.

i learned quick how to stay alive.

to feel invincible again.

this isn't where i thought i'd end up.

maybe when this is all done, you can show me where you came from.

i'm not normally one to begrudge someone their secrets, but..

i'm already blessed to have you at my side.

don't you cut a fine figure.

i am not some lower city coinlad offering you a tumble.

there is nothing so depressing as learning one's true value.

i could use someone with your skills.

they're ravenous predators with fangs like daggers.

it's hardly an irrational fear to harbor.

you've been decent to me, so far.

everyone's got their own fears.

maybe that's what i like about you.

all of this was for nothing.

if you're here to help, get to the fight quickly.

gods, i thought you were one of those beasts.

i'm not chasing after it, if that's what you're thinking.

the little beast's charming once you get accustomed to the smell of rotting flesh.

[angelmachines]

gawd . gonna pop some tags here and expand on them but teru really is like... peak slow-burn horror as a character. hes, like, seven tragedies waltzing around in a colourful trench-coat. i like to think that the people around him put together the pieces eventually because, well, hes not exactly subtle, and even when we meet him there is this blaring feeling that something is wrong. aside from the obvious violence he commits, of course, but it just keeps fucking Building

even after his fight with mob, teru as a character is so focused on his capabilities and independence that even when he realizes hes a normal person he still cant believe hes a normal KID. he has to believe hes more mature or capable in Some Way because otherwise theres no way to rationalize what has been done to him-- which is why i find his pre-mob self so fascinating because he is just. Pure hurt. pure attention seeking in a way that overcompensates for what his parents never gave him. those issues never really get Dealt with, either. they just get compartmentalized differently.

it's so nonchalant, too. teru shares his living situation with two people-- mob, who he, at this point, believes is an unequivocally Good Person who wouldnt share more than he has without being prompted, and dimple who... is a ghost. he could exorcise him easily, but more than that, dimple can only communicate with psychics or those who can see him, which means esper kids (aka mob and ritsu, because those are the only esper kids teru's ever met) and esper adults. and to teru, if theyre an esper adult, that means theyre claw, which means they already know.

its hard to remember in the context of the whole show, but teru didnt even know reigen existed at this point-- regardless of assumed psychic status or not. teru had no reason to believe that any adult, especially not an esper adult, would care. it can be easy to read this as teru being cornered because he needed to bring mob somewhere safe, too, but considering how calculating of a character teru IS, its hard to believe he wouldnt at least be convincing himself of his control over the situation

teru views himself as a commoner who lives in uncommon circumstances and thinks its super normal and just happens to never to tell any adults about it-- except that hes stupidly smart and, for all his absurdity, has a pretty decent concept of, like, strategy, and how not to get fucked over by adults. this kid ( again, stupidly smart, figured out his ENTIRE CITY was being brainwashed before anyone else ) focuses so hard on Not thinking about how fucked his situation is that he convinces other people not to think about it, either.

and the thing is that we keep SEEING how adaptable and strategic he is. need a pyrokinetic? air whips? name the technique and teru is LEARNING it. it doesnt take a genius to note that your life is severely different to other peoples. no WONDER he grows up thinking the world revolves around him, he needs something to make it all make sense, and when he finally views himself as a commoner he cant help but urge everyone to look away from the curtains

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

Was reading an article about how to write a realistic romance and avoid common poorly-done tropes. Seemed like a pretty decent post. Then immediately noped out and closed the tab when they listed Zuko and Katara as an example of a well-written romance 🤡

"Here's how you write a good romance" *points to a dynamic that was not romantic and didn't have much screentime or any real development until the very end of the story*

Seems like the level of quality one can expect from the typical internet think-piece - just bullshit and a pretencious way of saying "my headcanon is better."

Also, fuck being "realistic", stories have to be GOOD and ENTERTAINING. Game Of Thrones would have been a worse show if Ned Stark had been saved at the last second, but the movie Snow White would have been completely ruined if prince charming had not saved her with true love's kiss. Jack dying at the end of Titanic fits the tone of "this was a tragedy in which lots of good, innocent people were killed and those who loved them will always grieve them", but Cinderella never being freed from her abusive family would have been a fundamental betrayal to the message it's trying to send to the audience.

You should ALWAYS focus on what makes sense for the specific story you're trying to tell. Would "love at first sight" fit the magical, wholesome vibe, or would it look corny and forced compared to the more down to earth plot? If you're not gonna have the characters live happilly ever after, did you properly set up the reasons for it, or are you just doing so because "happy endings are cliche"? If the romance between the two characters is toxic, you need to be writing either cautionary tale or a story in which the protagonist being "moral" isn't that important, you can NOT be trying to use them as an exemple of what love is supposed to be.

It all depends on the context. Realism is not inherently better than wish-fulfilment.

[coeluvr]

I actually love that Lancelot is the way he is regarding Luceris, on account of it being good narratively-speaking.

You've shown clearly through Luceris that love, sometimes, makes people capable of doing terrible things. Love, sometimes, makes people worse. It doesn't matter if they originally had a decent moral compass— once feelings are involved, people stop viewing everything concerning a loved one objectively. I'm sure that if Luceris wasn't involved, Lancelot would take action for MC without hesitation. But the tragedy is that Luceris did all of that. He hurt people, he killed people, yet... Lancelot has been with him since they were children. He probably understands him the most out of everyone currently alive in the CoAaF universe. He has loved him for so long. How can he cast those feelings away just like that?

Is it unfair to MC, especially with Lancelot trying to be kind to them while still loving Luceris? Of course, but he (Lance) can't change anything now, the harm's done.

Tangent, but there's a reason the 'tell me every terrible thing you ever did and let me love you anyways' pin is popular in Pinterest boards. People eat that shit up lol.

“The things we do in the name of love.”

That is one of the themes I want to explore in this story so I want the good and the bad and everything in here. 🤭

Love can uplift you, brighten your days, and bring out the best in you, making everything seem better. But it also possesses the power to shatter you completely — eroding your morals, identity, and everything in between.

Lancelot and Luceris exemplify what love can do to a person and what they're willing to do because of it. We already know that Luceris destroyed a lot in the name of love but he is also getting better emotionally and mentally because of it. And Lancelot continues to stand by him, capable of overlooking so much because of his profound affection.

A quote that pops up often with Lancelot in the side stuff I write, and will come up in the main story soon enough, is “When you truly love someone you never falter no matter what.” It really sums him up well if I say so myself. 💀

I also wanted to show that even the worst people can be loved through their relationship, so yeah, it's kind of like “tell me every terrible thing you ever did and let me love you anyway” LOL

I also like to think that even if MC turns out just as bad as Luceris, someone will still love them.

[styrofauxm]

the thing with inevitability plotlines is that they can be so good, if done right. You can't just slap a throwaway line about it being the only way in there. You have to prove to the audience that's really the case. Which means you need NO plot holes or inconsistencies or messy characterization.

Good, well written tragedies have the audience look at it and go "there really is no other way it would have ended" even if we can see other ways it could have ended.

TUA S4 was a mess that wanted to have this tragic sacrifice at the end and it fell flat because it relied on so many retcons and poor characterizations and overall bad vibes.

And it could have been good. S4 started out decently and if it had stayed the course, it probably could have ended up my second favorite season.

I really wanted to at enjoy this season despite some inevitable flaws. Instead I got a disappointing and frustrating end to one of my favorite TV shows ever.

[chattercap]

Kanau Postmortem!

​Hello everyone, it’s Chattercap!

Thank you to everyone who played Kanau! I’m really grateful that you gave it a chance 😭 since it is quite different from Karamu in terms of content and tone! Note that I’ll be spoiling Kanau in my thoughts/reflections below, so be careful if you haven’t played it! 

(Spoilers below!)

When I first conceived "Karamu," it was just going to be a short, one and done mystery for Otome Jam—a simple story centered around a couple interesting twists. However, when I was done with it, I found myself still interested in the story of Raku and Nelli, and I wasn't quite satisfied with where I left it. I kept thinking about why exactly they did the things they did, and what kinds of experiences would lead to such twisted adults.

The story in Kanau is actually one that I describe in Karamu, hinted at in vague descriptions. In Karamu, Nelli briefly reminisces about her childhood - finding solace in the fact that one day her father left and never returned. Raku also recounts an instance where Nelli showed kindness to a spider missing three legs. Nelli doesn't remember the incident, thinking that it happened in the last couple years, but in reality it happened QUITE a long time ago - 11 years, in fact.

Kanau is (for better or worse) Raku's "coming of age" story, haha! Both literally (as he undergoes his family's "ritual of adulthood") and metaphorically. Throughout the story, Raku struggles between his own identity and the "Kumode" identity. At the end, he finds a compromise, and this compromise is both a triumph and a tragedy - he makes his own decision, but it’s a decision that brings him right back into the arms of his abusers. I hope that after playing Kanau, it’s a bit easier to see how Raku and Nelli evolved into the adults they become in Karamu - and why they chose to do the things that they did.

The title, "Kanau," refers to the word 叶う in Japanese. It means "to come true/to be fulfilled" - as in "a wish or prayer coming true/being fulfilled." It's a reference to Raku and Nelli's parallel wishes/prayers - to be free from the abusive households that they're trapped in. Ultimately, Raku is unable to fulfill his own wish—to break free from his abuse. However, he still finds comfort in being able to fulfill Nelli's wish, the prayer that she thought that no one could hear (now...whether he went about that in the CORRECT way is, uh, up to interpretation). 

(For anyone that wants more details on the spidey lore - in the Karamu universe, there are no males other than Raku in the main line of the Kumode family! The females seduce human males and eat them after the deed is done. This is based both on jorogumo lore - where the spider demons seduce and then eat their human victims - as well as regular ol' spider lore! In some spider species, the female consumes the male after procreating. This is actually the origin of the name "black widow spider," although a lot of species of black widows don't actually practice sexual cannibalism.)

Regarding the topic of child abuse, I hope that I tackled it with sensitivity. I knew going into it that this was going to be a sensitive subject, moreso because the main overarching theme of the trilogy is trust and healing from trauma. Above all else I really wanted to avoid using child abuse for “shock value.” Hence why a lot of Nelli’s abuse takes place completely off screen, and you only see the effects it has on her. This is also why the few instances of abuse that do happen on screen are portrayed in silhouette (with the only really graphic image being an abuser’s comeuppance). 

There’s one more installment planned in this series! Hanasu (the third and final entry) will take place a few months after the events of Karamu (canonically, after the events of Ending D)! I think that Kanau is actually a decent standalone story, and, when viewed through this lens, the ending is happy; Raku and Nelli are free from their abusers, immersed in a world full of “color.” However, that ending is a sweet lie. It’s the ending that Raku wants to believe—that he “saved” this girl. But, of course, if you’ve played Karamu, you know that isn’t really true. After all, healthy people don’t do the things that Nelli does. Regardless of what Raku wants to believe, killing her father didn't "fix" Nelli. He freed her from the shackles of her abuser, but not the shackles of her abuse. The ghosts of her experiences haunt her into adulthood, tainting her view of her world, her relationships, and herself. And, of course, Raku is still under his family’s thumb, and he has lingering issues of his own. You can expect to see the resolution to these threads in Hanasu! (Will that resolution be sweet or bitter, I wonder?) 

I was originally planning to jump straight into Hanasu after developing Kanau, but after some consideration, I decided to let it cook a little more. I’d like to take my time with this project, both in terms of script and art—it is the last time I’ll be seeing these characters, after all, and I’d like to give them the resolution that they deserve. I’m currently tackling my biggest project (a fantasy/mystery story—with one love interest that’s pretty similar to Raku *wink wink nudge nudge*), and while I planned to develop the titles concurrently, I don’t want to divide my time and attention. I currently plan to finish the script for Hanasu this month, and I’ll start working on it in earnest later this summer. 

If you’re interested in seeing updates about Hanasu (and my other projects), I post most of my major announcements on here and Twitter. I also post frequently on my Patreon with sketches, writing snippets, sneak peeks, high resolution art, and weekly devlogs.​

Chattercap

[elvendorx]

Out of curiosity and because you write about them so beautifully, how do you think the HP characters we see (Harry, Ron, Hermione, Molly etc.) would react to seeing James and Sirius’ relationship in action? Like Harry upon learning the truth of Sirius comes to understand they were close but if he actually really got to see it in action? See how obsessed they are with each other? I think his brain might melt. Also, he might be kinda jelly cause him and Ron have some issues that turn into some pretty decent fights (GOF, DH) that I just can’t fathom happening with J/S.

hello and thank u! as usual i've taken your question and made it into a bigger question for myself because my answer is slightly different if we're thinking about harry who grew up with james and sirius around, vs harry in canon getting some retrospective understanding of how james and sirius were with each other (e.g. through the pensieve) so i'm answering both, oops :)

harry's introduction to james and sirius as friends is through the frame of sirius as his parents' eventual traitor, so from the get-go his understanding of their friendship is very intense and emotionally heightened. his parents being trustworthy people who were done wrong by a close friend just intensifies the tragedy of their death for him but also lifts them higher into harry's idealisation of them as Good People. even when he does believe sirius wasn't the traitor, sirius reinforces the full-on nature of his friendship, devotion, loyalty to james by telling harry "I would have died rather than betray them". so harry always knows how close james and sirius were. sirius maintains that intensity even 12 years later that harry overheard from mcgonnagal and hagrid, people he trusts, who tell him that james felt the same, fighting dumbledore on how much he trusted sirius.

that said, even though harry regularly notices james and sirius as a separate duo to remus and peter, throughout swm and in the photo in sirius' bedroom, i don't think he has any real sense of what james and sirius' friendship looked like in terms of shared activities etc outside of becoming animagi. seeing snape's worst memory changes this idea of their dynamic and he doesn't necessarily see that complete deferral to each other as positive in the way that maybe he could without knowing specifics. not that james and sirius' dynamic isn't positive in lots of way, but he gets a sense of the unpleasantness involved in the kind of boundless bond they created between themselves. he sees james' "sirius was the only one that james would stop showing off for" and he has "a slightly apologetic note in his voice" when he says to sirius:

"he just attacked Snape for no good reason, just because — well, just because you said you were bored".

that's where he gets that james and sirius would do things that he wouldn't in the same situation. harry wouldn't start a fight if ron said he was bored, because harry doesn't get pleasure from cruelty in the way that james and sirius did. it's a huge part of harry's story, recognising that those he admires do things that he doesn't admire and that people aren't black and white.

beyond that though, when he's used to the idea of his dad and sirius and dumbledore being flawed peop,e so i think harry understands james & sirius as the best example of a friendship with its own history and nuances. he has a very strong relationship with sirius independent of james, but at the same time sirius is a connection to his parents but in a way that makes him family, to harry himself and i think harry would sense that james & lily also felt that way about sirius because of james' parents being dead, lily's parents being dead and her difficult relationship with her sister, sirius being harry's rightful guardian in the event of their deaths. he accepts sirius as the person that james trusted the most and sirius becomes that for harry too, and i don't think he'd see anything unusual in it beyond them being reckless and cocky when they were younger.

if he grew up with them both in his life, i think it would be confirmation of the above and the general perception of james & sirius would continue along the understanding of james and sirius that the books - as brothers, or more broadly just as family. harry would grow up with sirius as family and james and sirius' relationship would be harry's baseline understanding of friendships, just very easy, seamless, fun, trusting, unconditional. harry would probably talk about "his dad and sirius" a lot so his friends would be very used to the idea of a james & sirius unit, would maybe be surprised that they weren't blood-related.

ron would probably be like "ah yeah they're like fred and george" and probably find them really fun, he'd love their stories from hogwarts and the things they did to snape & others, whereas it might sour hermione to them a bit. would they feel bad enough not to tell those stories post-hogwarts? i mean they knew they were wrong but sirius and remus downplay swm, james still fought with snape without lily's knowledge, so they'd probably tame them down and be careful who was around when they were telling them but they'd see it as their funny memory together more than a terrible thing they did? possibly a lot of harry and ron's arguments would smooth out if james & lily hadn't died because harry gets upset with ron taking his family for granted and ron gets annoyed at the attention harry gets and they would be largely non-issues in that case. it's hard to say, harry would be a different person (answering my own question here, apologies).

in wider circles, i think james & sirius would be highly regarded, trusted, they could have been an unappointed authority to others within the order, people who are recognised as capable and intelligent and whose opinion people would seek out and trust but i also think they would be a force to be reckoned with and a bit of an annoyance for others in certain situations where they insist on a certain plan and always stick together, potentially go rogue together when others disagree because they think they're right and they egg each other on in this. snape is extreme in his of james and sirius (not necessarily wrongly) but there would be others who would maybe be wary of them, who would see them as arrogant, reckless, irresponsible, maybe a cruel streak but also recognise them as capable. hermione can be more critical of sirius, she thinks he's selfish and wants harry to be expelled, she thinks his judgement is impaired by his loneliness, so I think she'd be critical of some of james & sirius' behaviour as a pair too. i think it's notable that harry doesn't tell ron and hermione about the scene he sees in the pensieve.

molly is the most likely to have a bit of a gossip and a snip ngl, probably all indignant about james spending a lot of time with sirius, making digs at sirius about giving james and lily space or something, rolling her eyes at something sirius has bought for harry (again), asking sirius why he doesn't find a nice girl to marry and stop bothering james & lily (i just can't envision james and lily staying together tho, they give me such young panicked war marriage vibes). i don't think it would bother sirius with james around, james would make a joke to diffuse it and sirius would moan about molly later to james and you wouldn't get so much of that snappy impulsive streak.

there might be other comments about them being close without anything malicious behind it from the order crew or whoever, you might get tonks like "you two are so in love" when they agree with each other or come to the rest of the order with a plan they've come up with together. i kind of love tonks and remus teaming up to tease james and sirius actually, that's very cute.

i hope i've actually answered what you were asking! let me know your thoughts too <3

[crystalelemental]

Now that volume 7 is arriving tomorrow, I finally read volume 6 of MagiRevo.

It's neat! I kinda like it. Similar to volume 5, this one just felt more engaging. There's more going on than some volumes. Looking at you, 4.

Vampires are still the big focus, starting out with Lainie wanting to know more about her mom and what that whole deal was. We start out with a flashback of some sort, but then get an entire chapter of worldbuilding that doesn't really do much for me personally but sure.

The meat of the volume is fights, discussions of immortality, and new character.

The discussions of immortality are the first real interesting thing that comes up, as Lainie expresses concern about how Ilia isn't as long-lived as she is. This wraps Anis into the discussion, as she also is not long-lived like Euphyllia now is. When they switch perspectives, turns out Euphie and Ilia are also thinking about this in their own way. It's been hovering in the background a while, and it's nice to see characters start to grapple with it while it's here.

Fights themselves remain decently paced. The first fight is a little chaotic, and...kinda changes up the rules as we understand them so far. Vampires apparently consume other living beings, not just by blood drain, but like...actually, physically take their mass into your own, to be released as monsters later or reinforce themselves. The first fight also involves breaking the magicite of a vampire, only for them to keep fighting as their magic goes out of control, but continues their regenerative effects and erupts all the monsters out in a big amalgamation. It's interesting, but definitely beyond what we understood. Especially since...well, when Algard tore out Lainie's magicite, she was going to just die. So why is this one so different? Is that a difference in Lainie's skills, a difference in that she never consumed creatures in that way, or is this just a retcon on total vampire powers?

The second fight is also our full introduction to the new character: Lilana. Listen. I have a character type. I love Lilana. Gifted child who initially acts dignified but is a lunatic, whose main thing is that she's lonely, and whose story ends in tragedy. I am devastated by the ending of this, but also that's what lets it hit.

Lilana is sort of Anis' philosophical foil. While Anis is all about looking to the future and building possibility, Lilana has taken the vampire charge of seeking eternity and come to a conclusion: the only way to bring about a happy eternity is to consume everything into herself. This is a stance so extreme that other vampires are bailing out in panic. It's unclear how much damage she's actually done to the vampire clans. The first fight is still aligned to her, but another clearly was on the run, and is the reason Lilana showed up at all. But it's clear she's not fully trusted of loved, given that she's also described as a fiend before even showing up.

But she's also so powerful that no one can really oppose her. So the elders among the vampires have propped her up as their perfect murder machine against their enemies, and she's only know effusive praise from them. The hangup is that she's never really had anyone acknowledge her as a person, just as the tool to be used. This operates as a flip of Anis, who is similarly gifted, but who was completely shunned by her society because of her gifts. Everyone also refused to see Anis the person, but treated her poorly rather than with kindness. An in an odd twist, Anis now understands what it means to suffer and how to overcome, while Lilana isn't really familiar with the concept, but fears it enough to want to remove it from the world entirely by removing free will and autonomy.

What's fun is that Lilana immediately attaches to Anis. She's super interested in her, and calls it love at first sight. She even tries to vampirize Anis, which...I'll get to that segment. But the ending of her story is that neither she nor Anis feel they can back down from their beliefs, and Lilana can't accept Anis' attempts to make friends. She makes a desperate bid for consuming everything, and destroys herself to make the attempt. It's a little sad, but it's compelling.

Her fight is fun, but does give off shonen powerlevel vibes. Euphie casts stupid cool magic that explodes everything, and Lilana it turns out is stupid powerful at Dark magic and converts magic attacks to magical energy she consumes, negating magic. But when she vampirizes Anis, there's a segment of getting her dragon magicite to consume the growing vampire powers to keep her autonomous, and then Anis is like wildly overpowered and just starts exploding Lilana until the final move. It's bombastic, but it is very much pushing to the tier of "no one but the heroines really contribute."

On that note...I gotta talk about Dragon Anis.

The vampire magicite is consumed by the dragon powers, and Anis is basically now Dragonkin, with some vampire powers mixed in. As part of this, Anis is now...also extremely long-lived. So that whole dilemma is solves before we ever really get close to proper angst about it. It feels a bit abrupt to just solve that on the fly. I expected it to be a more drawn out process, trying to find some way to resolve this or problem solve. I don't even really hate the idea behind this conclusion, it just feels abrupt and kind of dismissive of that entire problem. I also feel like, with the notion of pushing possibilities and developing the future, it's at least a little odd to be making characters immortal as a positive. Euphie's agreement was so heavy because she was immortal, not because Anis wasn't. This flipped the problem around and solved it instantly, without really engaging much with the implications of what this means.

In terms of smaller things:

There wasn't much cute content. There's a bit at the end, with Anis starting to tease Euphie back, but that's about it.

Acryl isn't really getting a ton of play despite how significant her backstory is with vampires. In fact I'm at least slightly confused as to her point. Why were vampires making her people fight in death matches? I get the killing, that's consuming them into Lilana, but like...the death matches feel out of place for Lilana's intentions.

Anis' dream sequence is pretty great. I actually liked that a lot.

Tilty got to show up, contribute briefly, then gets sidelined because she got sick. I'm kinda hoping that with this mystery vampire disease that killed Lainie's mom, she'll get a lot more play going forward.

Anis' dream chapter was really good. Huge fan.

Overall pretty good! Again, volume 7 is supposed to show tomorrow, so hopefully I'm quicker about reading that one.

[ladyniniane]

FE OC WEEK DAY 6: Supports

I'm back with another post about Maeve!

I've already explored her most important relationships. So today, I will focus on dynamics that I didn't have the time and space to develop in my fic through supports with Dimitri, Annette and Sylvain!

Like Maeve's story, all supports take place after the time skip.

See also her backstory for more info about her!

And as usual, I hope there aren't too many mistakes!

Maeve & Dimitri

C: Dimitri has a headache and he goes to Maeve, thinking music could help him relax. He wants her to sing a specific song that he heard during his teenage years but only remembers the melody. Maeve convinces him to hum the tune even though he's a bit embarrassed. She recognizes the song and plays it.

The sweet and serene melody moves Dimitri and he thanks her warmly. Maeve tells him that she understands. As she is very sensitive, a song, or a book can make her feel vivid emotions. Dimitri is relieved that she understood what he felt without even needing words.

B: Maeve encounters Dimitri and greets him. Dimitri notes that she looks happy. Maeve says that she is and giggles. She then becomes more serious as she thanks him for saving Dedue during the Tragedy. Dimitri says that he only did what was right, as Dedue was about to be struck down by a Faerghian knight next to his little sister’s corpse. Maeve tells him that he is a good and just monarch and that she’s honored to fight for him.

Dimitri says that he must work harder and that he must have worried her when she joined his army. He apologizes for bringing them all into this quest of revenge. Maeve says that she was indeed very worried, but that she trusts him now. She adds that Gladys would be happy to talk to him. Dimitri blushes a little and leaves Maeve to find Gladys.

A: After the victory at Enbarr, Maeve congratulates Dimitri. He thanks her for her service and her courage in battle. He saw her confrontation with her father and understands why she hid her imperial origins. Maeve answers that what is done is done and that she has no regrets. Dimitri asks about her future projects. Maeve says that she will leave the army and work as a musician. She explains that she dreams of compiling songs from all of Fodlan and beyond.

Dimitri promises her a place in court and says that he will be her patron and asks her to sing during his official coronation. He also promises to cover all the expenses of her wedding ceremony with Dedue. Delighted, Maeve congratulates him on his future wedding with Gladys and promises to sing her best songs.

Maeve & Annette

C: At Garreg Mach, Annette is helping Maeve with her training. Maeve notes that Annette would make a wonderful teacher. Maeve comments on the fact that, unlike Annette who’s a decent healer, she’s very bad at it and worries that something bad could happen. That’s why she learned first aid. Annette tells her that it’s a very good idea and that Maeve is already being very useful on her own. Each magician is unique, with their strengths and weaknesses.

Annette adds that Maeve is furthermore able to do things that others can’t, such as singing. Maeve teases Annette by telling her that she has a lovely singing voice. Annette is a bit embarrassed that Maeve heard everything, but Maeve tells her not to worry.

B: In Fhirdiad, Maeve and Annette explore the School of Sorcery after a productive study session. Both women compare their education and the reasons why they decided to learn magic. Maeve tells her that she would have loved to study there. She admires the school’s founder, queen Maude, and is currently reading Loog and the maiden of wind. Annette says that she loves that book as well. She shows her places such as the classroom where the queen gave the school's first lecture. They talk about the magical prowess of Maude and her daughter Gwendolen.

They stop by the courtyard where a statue of Maude used to be before the war. Annette explains that a legend says that if you had studied well, you could ask for the statue’s blessing before taking your exams. Both agree that they need a blessing before returning to battle since the equations they solved earlier will turn into deadly spells on the field.

A: Maeve and Annette congratulate each other after fighting side by side. They start to talk about their plans for the future. Maeve confesses that she didn’t know what she would do until now, that she was afraid of leaving their friends. In a way, she’s still afraid that she won’t be able to fit into civilian life again with all the violence she has seen and committed. But she’s now determined to try.

She asks Annette if she has ever suffered from being the youngest of her class. Annette admits that she wanted to be taken seriously. They both agree that they are now sure of their worth. Annette says that she’s still unsure about how to act with her father. Maeve advises her to let time decide and to listen to her feelings first. Annette thanks her and they promise to always stay in touch. 

Maeve & Sylvain

Important note: in my story, Sylvain isn't a skirt chaser and doesn't make the same comments about women that he does in the game. I love the rest of his character, but this part of him makes me deeply uncomfortable. Besides, there would no way Maeve could be comfortable around him if that was the case.

C: At the School of sorcery, Sylvain studies with Maeve since they both have an affinity for fire magic. Maeve is surprised to see him there since she didn’t think he had a talent for that. Sylvain explains with his usual carefree attitude that he’s a friend of Felix’s cousin, Aoife, and that she dragged him into this. As they both start working, Sylvain impresses Maeve by grasping immediately a complex formula, as he did with Annette. Maeve immediately understands that Sylvain is downplaying his abilities and she wonders why.

Sylvain may have grasped theory but lacks practice. Maeve thus gives him tips to improve his spell casting, especially in a life-and-death situation. They both part happy and satisfied with their progress and congratulate each other. Maeve didn’t think that Sylvain would take the study session seriously but understands that she was wrong. He then tells her that he has maybe decided to stop fooling around and focus on his responsibilities. 

B: Maeve and Sylvain meet again in the gardens where Maeve is looking at the flowers she planted with Dedue. Sylvain notes that it’s nice that Dedue has been able to make more friends and find support. He teases her, noting that she is often seen by Dedue’s side these days. Maeve playfully retorts that she and Dedue are planning to plant flowers everywhere they go.

Sylvain says that people are too busy being angry at the Duscurians to think about the truth. Maeve asks him if he too thinks that the people of Duscur are innocent. Sylvain says yes and they both share their conclusions regarding the responsibility of the Faerghian nobles. A newfound respect blossoms between them. Sylvain then tells Maeve that she too is more than she sees and that the people who see just a pretty little red bird in her are bound to regret it later.

A: After the fight at Enbarr, Sylvain tells Maeve that he saw what happened with her father. He understands that she doesn’t want to talk about it, but asks her if she’s okay as it reminds him of the day he had to face Miklan. Maeve tells her that she doesn’t regret what happened since it was the consequence of her father’s actions. She’s happy that justice will be at least served for her mother. Sylvain stays silent, as Maeve’s words help him see his brother’s demise in a new light. Maeve vents a little, saying that she’s disgusted and outraged that her father offered her money and thought that it could make her forget what he did.

To cheer her up, Sylvain says that he wants to start negotiating with Sreng and to have a Sreng embassy come. This could thus be an opportunity for her to hear new songs, though Sreng music sheets must certainly look very different from the ones they are used to. Maeve playfully says that she wants to learn to play the morin khuur and asks what Sreng script looks like. Sylvain explains that it's written in vertical lines and reads from left to right. He finds Sreng epic poetry beautiful. Maeve wishes him luck, trusting his ability to build better relationships with their neighbors. 

@fe-oc-week

[vicevirtueart]

what's your favorite piece of character art you've done 👀

i actually have three! all of my biggest blorbo douma from demon slayer. rambling about why under the cut.

the first one is my favourite due to subject matter and how it tells his story. the subject matter being a douma that more accurately represents how i see him and represents a body type i can relate more to. i love drawing fat douma because that is very much similar to my own body type - and i deserve that representation in a character i deeply love. otherwise, regarding how it tells his story - it's the ultimate representation of him defiling something holy (which is himself, if you know his story of being manipulated into a religious icon). he smiles as he does it, tenderly caressing the beads around his neck - to me, this is a representation of him attempting to free himself from the bindings of being seen as perfect. he is imperfect in this image, represented by the blood, and he almost seems to be enjoying it (i say attempting, for his story is a story of emotional dissociation due to traumatic experiences - he cannot feel, but he smiles anyway).

the second one was done a while back, before i started drawing him with my body type. it was a panel redraw, and it is my favourite due to it reflecting his twisted personality as well as i enjoy it from a technical standpoint. it's probably the piece i've worked the longest on. i love the look he gives as he licks the hairpiece from his victim, almost in a taunting way. but again, he cannot feel. why does he bother taunting to begin with? i think this is an interesting panel for that reason.

and the last is one that is my favourite from a symbolism point of view. douma's decent into becoming a villain can be pinpointed due to the fact he was ultimately used as a figure to ONLY assist others. from childhood, he was an emotional crutch to whoever sought him out. it is all he knew and all he has ever been exposed to prior to becoming a demon. all we are shown of his past is his role in his parent's cult, how he wept for others, tried to save others, tried to rescue them from their pain even when he didn't feel anything. this piece shows how dependent the cult was on him - they grab and claw and cheer for him. douma looks like he's in pain, to me, but he still smiles through it. this is all he has known since he was very young - cult, cult, cult. help others. save others. bring them to paradise. this piece is one where i have most accurately captured the symbolism in his inherent tragedy.

all of these pieces are also vent pieces, so they are very personal. for an extra tidbit of information, i listened to eater of worlds by everyone loves a villain while i drew all of them. that is, to me, douma's song. :) thank you for asking about my favourites! it was nice to see someone's interested.

[lunar-years]

The thing about the TLOU is that almost everyone has or has had someone for whom they would have done the exact same thing Joel does for Ellie. And that’s the very thing that perpetuates the larger cycle of loss and death and destruction we’ve seen throughout the entire show so far. It’s not the zombies alone, it’s the people. It’s especially the people.

To the rest of the world, another person who dies or needs to die or is at risk of dying can just be a means to an end or irrelevant or collateral damage. They’re just one more person to add to the heap of a whole lot of good & decent people who have died. And what’s one more? But to the person who loved them most, they WERE the world.

Joel isn’t exceptionally ruthless or exceptionally moral or exceptionally right or exceptionally wrong. At the end of the day he’s just some guy with a daughter to protect. Like Henry was just a brother, selling out a good man to protect the one person who mattered (to him). Like Kathleen was just a sister avenging her only person who mattered. We’ve seen it on the show again and again and again and it never hurts any less each time.

It’s very easy to think about the “greater good” when the sacrifices needed to get there aren’t your sacrifices. But if they are, well that’s reason alone to burn cities and move mountains and start wars and destroy and destroy and destroy until there’s nothing left worth salvaging at all.

That’s both the tragedy and the humanity of it all, isn’t it?

[rewatching-sam-and-dean]

The Pilot (Part 2 of 3)

Thanks so much to everyone who checked out my Part 1 post!

To see Part 1, if you missed it and are interested, you can check it out here. Now, on to the next section of SPN S01-E01, and the grown up brothers reuniting. This is probably my favorite aspect of the episode (update: I actually talk about this more in part 3 than 2).

Reunited and It Feels So … Awkward

(But, in a good way)

If you’re interested in my more detailed commentary, check it out under the cut

JARED, JENSEN, and EXPOSITION: Jared and Jensen had a tall order to fill with the Pilot, needing to both give the audience an idea of their relationship as brothers, as well as delivering a good deal of exposition without bogging down the episode's momentum. They do an amazing job with the former and a very decent job with the latter. Their acting choices and chemistry paint a very full picture of who these guys are and what they mean to each other, which I’ll go into more chronologically as examples come up. The exposition of filling us in on the family situation, their dad in particular, and the fact that they are monster hunters is done quite well for the most part. However, while a good deal of it comes across quite naturally, some moments do stand out to me as a bit too rehearsed (the scene with "… Dad gave me a forty-five." "What was he supposed to do?") and can feel a little too expositiony to me now, but that's probably partly because I’ve seen them so much now. However, the scenes are necessary, and as far as the telling vs showing ratio goes, the Pilot does a lot more showing, so overall even this aspect is handled quite well regardless of some moments scratching for me now.

JESSICA: So … where to start on this introduction to the adult Sam and Dean. Actually, let’s start with Jess. She seems great: responsible, punctual, loving, supportive, encouraging, funny, and beautiful. And Sam looks at her like he can’t believe how lucky he is to be with her. Generally, I like her, though we don’t get to see a lot of her. However, I wonder if she would be as supportive if she knew who Sam really was and what he did. The fact that Sam never told her about his past could just be because he wants to put it aside and pretend that part of him doesn’t exist, but given how quickly he givens in when Dean asks for help, he must have known he couldn’t avoid it forever. Denial is not just a river in Egypt…or whatever. Maybe, he’s just trying to protect her, but something could come for him whether she knows about the danger or not (and it does, sadly….damn you, Brady!). On the other hand, maybe he didn’t tell her because he didn’t believe she would have been okay with it. And as Dean sarcastically points out, "That’s healthy." The irony of Dean commenting on healthy relationships, and withholding important information, is just too much knowing what’s coming for the guys. Anyway, regardless of Sam's motivations, Jess does seem great, but she’s so great that it was pretty obvious to me that she, the relationship, or both, were doomed. Sam may as well have jinxed them when he asked what he would do without her, and her "Crash and burn" response … well, sadly, the boy does burn. How much she could have helped him avoid his Season 5 fate is not possible to know, but it certainly didn’t help him. I’ve commented on my previous Post, The Pilot (Part 1), on how this episode sets up so many things that run well into later seasons and Jess is no exception. Sam still thinks of her, misses her, loves her years later. I can’t remember right now just how late his last mention of her is…is it all the way into Seasons 14 or 15? Regardless, I love, and it makes me sad, to see her in the Pilot and know that she and her tragedy will pretty much impact Sam for the rest of the show, if not his whole life. Talk about building strong foundations in this episode.

SAM: So, Sam is the first of our main characters to show up on screen, signaling that Supernatural is going to be about Sam's journey, and while it’s also clearly Dean's as well, Sam is the character who goes through the biggest transformation. It starts with Sam and ends with Sam in the audience's "current time," while it starts with the brothers and ends with the brothers if we include the past and the future/heaven (or what amounts to the prologue and epilogue). Anyway, Sam popping into the scene through that doorframe is pretty cute. It’s a very definite shift in tone. Sam playfully whining about going to a Halloween party is a huge contrast to where we left off before the title card. This scene with Sam looking adorable and so happy is downright wholesome after the scene we just left with the three Winchester males huddled together in misery over the loss of wife and mother, while their home burns. The Sam we see today appears to be very well adjusted (though he doesn’t like Halloween … interesting …) despite the tragedy his younger self lived through: he is tall, handsome, in university, in an a seemingly fairly serious relationship as he appears to live with his girlfriend, and as we find out at the party, he’s smart and ambitious. Sam, in short, is thriving. The first hint that things aren’t great for him is when we find out that his family, John and Dean, don’t even know how well he is doing in school, and with the way Jessica comforts him, this is clearly something that upsets him despite the casual attitude he tries to project about it.

At this point in the episode, my first impression of Sam was that he was cute (I didn’t really find him sexy until later in the series because in Season 1 he feels like a boy), loyal, smart, and maybe a little bit of a stick in the mud. Jared, at this point, is starting to give off his puppy energy, especially with his devoted heart eyes for Jess, but I feel like it takes him a minute to give Sam more nuance; but once he gets there, he kills it. When we meet Dean, more aspects of Sam, a fuller picture, starts to become more clear. He is the one who chose to leave his family. He grew up fighting monsters, but clearly just wanted a normal life. He was clearly out of sync with his dad and brother. With these bits of new information, when I first watched the show (this has changed since then) it originally made me feel like maybe Sam was a little bit selfish or maybe he didn’t care that much about his family. For me, him being so dismissive of John being missing (or "going overtime on a Miller Time shift") pointed either to Sam being a bit of an uncaring dick, or to their dad being a bit of a careless drunk. Neither, as it turns out is exactly the case, but the Pilot definitely drops info bombs on us, and some of the debris is left for us to sort through for now. We see Sam go from flippant to to concerned real quick when Dean rephrases his message to, "Dad's on a hunting trip. And he hasn’t been home in a few days."

Visually, this scene is set up very well. Particularly from just before Jess turns on the light to Sam’s reaction to Dean’s words above, we see Sam struggle to fit into the world he chose. First, we have Sam and Dean appear as a joint silhouette, all in shadow (the dark hunting world, their traumatic past). When Jess flips on the light, we see her wearing a Smurfs pj top (in the lighter, more care-free normal world). There is a clear contrast between the brothers on one side in the dark and Jess on the other in her cartoon jammies. Sam hastens to leave Dean's side and ally himself with Jess when Dean says he has to tell him something. Sam literally joins the other side as he crosses the room and gives off the vibes or building a brick wall between them and Dean. Two college kids in their jammies vs a rough adult in street clothes. But as soon as Dean clarifies that dad is on a hunting trip, the camera tightens in on Sam, effectively cutting Jess out of the picture altogether. Sam compounds this by asking her to excuse him and Dean. The scene ends on a visually isolated Sam, who has just verbally allied himself with Dean. Anyway, I just really like how this scene uses the blocking, lighting and language illustrate Sam's conflict. As much as he’s tried, it already seems clear that Sam can’t escape his old life, and he’s even complicit in it because he won’t fully abandon Dean.

DEAN: Minutes ago in the episode, we got Sam's entrance with him popping around the door frame, happy, domestic, practically wholesome (and cute as heck). In contrast, Dean enters the scene as a mysterious figure who we can’t see clearly, at first. This is apt given how Dean puts up walls and uses humor to deflect when we first meet him, and for a long time to come, actually. So, it’s hard to know exactly who he is. Just like in the fight we see glimpses of his and Sam’s faces, we can’t see either of them fully or consistently, and they can’t see each other, until the lights are switched on. I like the symbolism or metaphor of the way the fight is shot; we don't have a full idea of who either brother is yet, and they don’t fully know each other anymore either, after years apart.

Anyway, Dean enters the scene cloaked in shadows and literally brings chaos and violence into Sam's previously cozy, domestic, and structured life. It’s a pretty iconic introduction to a character and the brother dynamic, and a reunion all rolled into one. Dean comes in hot, and I don’t mean physically (though, yeah), he’s practically buzzing with manic energy. He wrestles with his brother, asks for a beer and hits on his brother’s girlfriend all in the matter of a couple of minutes, before dropping his info bomb on Sam.

My first impression of Dean was that he was hot, lacked boundaries, really cared about his dad, and was a bit of a dick. I really don’t like him telling Jess that she’s out of Sam's league while he gives her the eye because, come on, Sam is adorable, and it shows a lack of respect for both of them. I get it’s a short hand for showing Dean is a "ladies man" but it just makes him seem a bit gross, to me. Really, I think this is supposed to just be a healthy dose of screwing with his brother, but it’s not for me.

Also, Dean showing up at night is totally weird, and he never gives a real answer for this (besides beer). We find out in the final episode of the show that he waited outside for hours because he was scared Sam would tell him to "get lost or get dead," and it truly gives me all the feels when I watch this part of the episode now, and it makes absolute sense given some hints we see of Dean's feelings later in the episode. I just wonder if that was always the intended reason for Dean showing up in the middle of the night, him being afraid and breaking in so he could tell himself Sam blew him off because of the way he showed up, if that happened. Or was it more for the horror, bump in the night, aesthetic and to simply add to Dean's cool persona. Also, I find Dean's energy almost manic in this scene, but this also makes sense if he’s worried and just trying to brazen out the situation, pour on the careless bravado to avoid this worry and nerves.

At this point in the episode, I think Dean is fun, but kind of a jerk. Jensen is definitely a scene stealer, though, and he’s lively and compelling to watch. Dean is exciting. When I start to genuinely like him more though is when he lowers the walls a little and admits to Sam that he doesn’t want to look for their dad alone. It’s clear that he just wants Sam with him. We can see his vulnerability as he avoids making eye contact as he admits this truth to Sam. And Dean being honest works on Sam immediately, when suggesting it was his duty to help or that his dad was really in trouble this time didn’t. This moment is pretty quick, but it starts to show us that the brothers do have definite soft spots for each other despite the issues they clearly have.

(The Pilot Part 3 coming soonish … this one took me a while …)

[daisychainsandbowties]

hi! ik you’re probably busy and stuff so don’t sweat it if you can’t answer, but i recently read your star wars warrior nun au, and i absolutely loved it. i haven’t watched the movies and stuff in a suuuuuper long time, and your fic really brought that love back, and i was wondering if you would be able to tell me what order i should watch things or which books to read and stuff? again, dw if you can’t respond!

oh! i can absolutely do that. keep in mind that this is going to be my own personal watch order based on how canon works best and resonates thematically for me 🥰 i’ll just make a list i think.

you will notice that i’m not going to say that you should watch things in order. frankly, i don’t think that’s the best star wars experience, but! there should be loads of articles online detailing how to watch chronologically if you decide to do that.

anyway, here we go!

1. the original three! that’s A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi. i really truly think that this is the best starting point even on rewatch. just… something about having this as the centrepiece works so well. everything else orbits it and contextualises (and recontextualises) it.

2. the prequels, starting with The Phantom Menace. the prequels are a tragedy 🙂 yes, a very fun tragedy with my best boy obi-wan at centre stage, but it works because you’ve seen the original trilogy and you know what’s going to happen but you’re transfixed by it anyway, by the fire as it eats at the fabric of the story.

3. at this point, you can watch The Clone Wars (the animated move & series) if that’s your jam. i haven’t seen those but i’ve heard incredible things about them. (if anyone wants to chime in on where they think TCW fits in here, that’d be appreciated!)

HOWEVER where i tend to go next is the Kenobi series! it’s perfectly poised between the prequels and the originals. plus i really loved it 😌

4. then Andor. good god. it’s a masterpiece. there’s a second season coming, but it flows beautifully into

5. rogue one. my personal favourite star wars movie. it’s just… stunning, beautiful, tragic. in the timeline it fits between Andor and A New Hope.

6. i really recommend either playing or (if that’s not your thing) watching a youtube playthrough (i recommend no commentary, but that’s up to you) of Jedi: Fallen Order and Jedi: Survivor. my fic is based on these games, but very, very loosely; you won’t be spoiled for Luminous Beings by watching this. there’s a great book set between the two games called Battle Scars. it’s a lot of fun.

7. then the Rebels tv show followed by the new show, Ahsoka!! Rebels is wonderful (i am only halfway through) and i’m gleefully intrigued by what i’m seeing of the Ahsoka show so far. i definitely would recommend also watching The Clone Wars before this, because it sets up Ahsoka’s character!

8. the mandilorian is really good! it’s set after the originals but before the… sequels. might as well address those 😔

8. the sequels - starting with The Force Awakens (a Good movie, actually) - are… complicated to me. i loved the promise of the first one but the others REALLY let me down. the last two are decent action movies with some good characters (finn’s plotline in the second movie is genuinely really good, just too sidelined for my liking. they could have done so much more). basically, you can watch them, and i think you SHOULD watch The Force Awakens, but as star wars movies the last two i… really don’t like.

(there’s a ton of canon games and books and tv shows i’m forgetting after this, but i’d say for me personally this is the structure and the star wars stuff that i really like to revisit over and over. Knights of the Old Republic is an amazing, if old, video game set waaaaay back before the prequels. it’s great if you like viddy games)

i appreciate the faith in my opinion 🥰 and the love for Luminous Beings. i hope this is helpful!

[oceancamp]

🌌, 🤍, 🖥️, 🍺, 🥊, 🎉 and 🎧 for the halo ask game :D

thank you so much for the ask!!

🌌 - what made you interested in halo?

So because of Wolf 359 I became obsessed with the character dynamic where there's a person and their AI bestie and from what i could gather from gifsets with Chief and Cortana I thought they'll likely fuck me up as much as Eiffel and Hera in Wolf 359. AND THEN THEY DID. 10000000/10

🤍 - favourite halo character?

Hell there's so many of them but to name a few in no particular order:

Arbiter cause it still fucks me up how great his story is + when i first played Halo 2 i was sort of freshly ex catholic and well. And I love to see his dedication to making things better and the way he approaches that.

Kurt cause *gesturing to all of Ghosts of Onyx* yeah. I can't think about it too much without crying

Rtas Vadum (here's my recommendation for Shadow of Intent)

Chief cause *gesturing to all of Halo* but what really cemented it was Fall of Reach showing how much he blamed himself for stuff outside of his control like the fucking augmentation deaths and how reading his convo with Mendez about that made me wanna tear my hair out. Like holy fuck what was done to him was so fucked up and he doesn't even realize the full extent of itttt.

Cortana - beside her realtionship to Chief I loved seeing her work on all those ships in First Strike including the whole capture of the flagship and then all that stuff with the slipspace crystal

Six - there's the tragedy of them signing up to get revenge against the covenant and then being used by ONI against other humans that makes them live rent free in my head, plus there's so much unexplored by canon potential - the Assembly datapads, their interactions with Kat as another Beta company Spartan, what would their thoughts on Spartans and ONI be given what he was used for compared to what he wanted? Also I wished he had a chance to talk to Cortana too, it would maybe make him happy to hear about her hacking Ackerson's bank account, even if for obvious reasons he wouldn't be able to talk about their previous work freely and Cortana wouldn't probably be able to share that freely too.

Jacob Keyes - I'm really fond of all his stunts with ships plus the terminal about him trying to resist the flood fucks me up.

🖥️ - favourite AI?

Beside Cortana for reasons mentioned above, I love Mac from Contact Harvest a lot (idk if you've read the book yet so I'm not gonna spoil much, just that he starts off as kinda endearing and then stuff gets revealed that makes him fascinating and then finally the epilogue makes me cry). I also think that the more ONI-affiliated AIs are interesting too, like Black Box or even Araqiel cause of how they rationalize their participation in all the fucked up shit compared to, for example, Deep Winter trying to prevent the gammas from getting augmented the way they were. Plus even here it's interesting to look at how they interacted with or saw others like BB joking with Osman in Rossbach's World or Araqiel calling Ackerson good/honorable in First Strike (can't remember the precise word used but still it's so funny like bro you probably killed people together).

🍺 - who would you have a drink with?

Hmm maybe the Grey Team? Like even with my decent alcohol tolerance I probably wouldn't keep up with Spartans for long but still. A small price to pay for hanging out with Adriana.

🥊 - who are you beating the shit out of?

I know Ackerson did get wrecked by those brutes but it wasn't enough for me and every time I remember that the whole thing got framed as heroic I feel like adding on another hit. I'd say I hope every single S III + Kurt lined up to punch him in the afterlife but really it would be cruel to force them to have to put up with him in any way again lmao.

(And while we're here I'll respond to your answer to my ask and say I feel similar to you about Jun lmao. Like Jun bro why are you helping make the torture labirynth of Spartan projects even worse.)

🎉 - share your favourite character headcanon

I think the headcannon that Six loves flying is kinda popular from what I saw in some fics (which makes me damn happy) and my own take on that is that it started from a suggestion from Kurt, like a nudge for Six to get some advanced pilot training, after he noticed that Six didn't really like being compared with Chief by ONI people who were hyped to create another hyper-lethal vector. I like to imagine Kurt saying something like "You know, John always hated flying" and maybe the interest was there before but now it really kicked off cause they got encouraged to pursue something that they as a person Liked and something that set them apart yknow?

(btw i got so many Six headcannons, here i went with probably the least sad one jhgfdjhg)

🎧 - song you associate a halo character with

Foreign Skies by The Dreadnoughts is such a Noble Six song to me, fits both the theme of the tragedy of Reach and of the happiness of being with the team even for that short time.

thanks again for the ask, and for your reply to mine, I especially like your thoughts about Dot, gonna listen to those firefight voicelines later, and I absolutely agree on Six being a cat person