#and this is just how it reads from an in universe perspective
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About the latest polemic about Zayne and Sylus over twitter...
I left twitter for good. I'm honestly so tired of the drama that arises there everyday. I literally decided to log in today just to see some Arcane spoilers and the first thing I was hit with was with the most recent drama about CN players and specially Zayne and Sylus players having a heavy argument about plagiarism and how some lines of Zayne seem to have been copied onto Sylus' lines...
Firs of all, I don't know how the CN fanbase is, so I can't really say anything about that matter. From what I read, it seems things are quite complex there and arguments & harassment among LI's fanbases seem to be quite intense from what ppl is saying but, again, I can't really say too much on that matter cause I don't know how the fanbase is there, I'm not part of it neither I go to CN websites to look up for lads content. Most cases my experience visiting CN websites has been because of kind ppl that has respectfully asked me permission to repost my art and give me credits there, from that perspective my opinion about the CN fanbase has always been good and it still stands, I'm pretty sure that great part of the fanbase it's nice and it's only the small little toxic portion that is overshadowing the nice and chill part of the fandom.
My point here it's: Don't let yourself to have a tunnel vision about this situation.
You can probably see 10, 100 or even 500 ppl arguing and harassing others and even so it's not even a quarter of the whole total of players that belong to the fandom only in China, let alone global. To generalize from your point of view is not the objective take you think it is, talking from your experience doesn't talk for others experience, no one's experience here is universal. I read a lot of ppl trying to find someone to blame all the time "Zayne players started everything" "Sylus writers copied Zayne" etc and you know? Rolling this ball to one another is not going to lead us anywhere because as always, it's not acknowledging the true issue here: that is, us as players, keep enabling this kind of toxic behaviour if that means to stand up for or to 'defend' our main LI.
To try to portray one LI's fanbase as the guilty one is just creating more trouble than solving it and it's also not having a general understanding of the situation at hand and instead, encouraing biased opinions that only create more division and discrimination within the fandom.
And let's be honest, it's not the first time (and probably won't be the last, sadly) that drama arises within the fandom where we attack others LIs and their fanbase. This game is targeted towards adult women, we are not supposed to behave like adolescents making tantrums and messing up with our peers, yet here we are, enabling arguments, harassment, bullying or overall having an ugly and mean attitude in order to defend something that honestly, all the LIs would feel ashamed for if they were real. Like, literally all of them hate to be on the spotlight for the stuff they're good at, it would be even worse if the spotlight it's caused by them for all the wrong reasons.
I know lads guys are fictional, and I'm not going to invalidate people's feelings by saying that you shouldn't take it too seriously just bc they're not real -most of us find a lot of comfort in fiction, after all- but that doesn't give you the right to harass real people neither hurt their feelings [the same ways you feel when they attack your fav LI]. You are able to feel whatever you want to feel, however, you're still responsible for your words and actions. If this game is turning you into an awful person, then I'm afraid to say that you probably must step back and reconsider if your passion for it is healthy for you.
I know it's easy to get upset and sometimes we have the need to express it. However, to decide to be a part of a fandom is to accept that you are not going to always like what ppl say, let alone agree with them. Not everyone's opinions might aling with yours but it's enterily up to you the way how you take and respond to them. As I said before, I left twitter for good bc I found myself often wanting to be mean to others upon reading the negative stuff some ppl said about Zayne, especially in order to compare him with other LIs just to make him look bad. I would often felt so ugly thinking like that. Staying away from that drama has been super helpful and that's the best advice I can give for now: try and enjoy the game and your LI by yourself if the fandom is getting too much to handle.
Be careful about the discourse you support and always ask yourself if your words and actions will truly lead you somewhere good and healthy or it will only cause more chaos for you and others. Flammable opinions only light up and burn if we feed the fire, if there's no one to keep it alive, the flame will drown out very quickly.
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What do you think of Corlys Velaryon and Rhaenys Targaryen? I specifically ask about their political attitudes toward Daemon, Rhaenyra, Rhaenyra's children, their own children (Laenor and Laena), etc.
Corlys is a character I like; but I see him acting out of ambition rather than love. But I wonder how far his ambition has gone: did he suspect that Daemon killed Laenor? Did he really like Rhaenyra's children? Did he just support Rhaenyra in power or was he also afraid of her and what she could do to him?
These questions I also extend to Rhaenys. I feel like we got little from her (And she wasn't the only one, as F&B has a lot of issues), so it's hard to say to what extent she supported Rhaenyra because she was also a woman who had her rights taken away, or if it was just out of ambition (or both).
As I know that Fire and Blood has a lot of problems (even more in the Dance), I understand if I can't do a great analysis on these two. But I would love to know what do you think about them and their attitudes!
Sorry for any grammatical errors and thanks in advance for your response!
First off, and the ask somewhat identifies this issue, one of the major problems in relying on Fire and Blood to understand the personal feelings of any of the characters within that book is that the very nature of Fire and Blood severely limits such analysis. Because we are reading about Corlys and Rhaenys (and everyone else in the roughly century and a half of history the book covers) from the ostensibly objective historian perspective of Gyldayn, a figure who lived and wrote more than a century after Corlys and Rhaenys died, we can only experience these characters at arm’s length. We are not in their heads, nor are we in the heads of any individuals directly interacting with these figures; we can only glean elements of their personality via those historical anecdotes Gyldayn chooses to share, quite the difficult prospect. Although GRRM, via Gyldayn, does sometimes invent more personal moments for his characters despite the absence of in-universe sources for such moments or the practical implausibility of Gyldayn knowing about them - think of, for example, Cregan Stark’s conversation with Alysanne Blackwood - many figures are left frustratingly vague in terms of their internal characterization.
Consequently, Corlys and Rhaenys are, along with (albeit to varying extents) every other character in F&B, something of an enigma, at least in terms of personal thoughts and feelings. Just as I once discussed with Daemon Targaryen (in the question of his love for Rhaenyra as well as his feelings toward her “Velaryon” sons), there is very little to extrapolate from the (themselves limited) actions we have taken by Corlys and Rhaenys to determine how they personally felt about many of the people and events around them. Corlys, so far as we know, never reacted to the rumor (I think true rumor) that Daemon had his son Laenor murdered (and indeed, given his open bounty on Qarl Correy, I don’t know that Corlys ever knew or suspected as much); moreover, even if Corlys and/or Rhaenys were part of the “court and commons” outraged by the news of Daemon and Rhaenyra’s hasty marriage, this anger could well have been simply the expression of grieving parents shocked at the indecently quick remarriages (to one another) of their sometime children-in-law, and not necessarily also a reflection of any particular suspicion of Daemon. Likewise, both Corlys and Rhaenys obviously acknowledged Rhaenyra as queen following the death of Viserys I - but whether they did so solely because either or both wanted to see their “Velaryon” grandchildren on the Iron Throne, or also (and not mutually exclusively) because either or both wanted to support the claims of a female ruler in lieu of Rhaenys not becoming queen in her own right, is unanswerable.
On top of this, I think it’s important to note that for Westerosi aristocratic society, love and political ambition aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive. This is a point I made when talking about whether Ned and Catelyn would have allowed their children to marry for love alone, and it bears repeating here; even the parents (like Ned and Catelyn) who most clearly care for and love their children are operating in a socio-political system that mandates marriages be made for the advantage of their dynasties, not simply the dictates of their hearts. Rhaenys and/or Corlys can well have loved their children while also using their marriage arrangements for political advantage - and indeed, may well have seen the latter as an expression of the former, with either or both parents working for the advancement of their children as a way of showing their care for their children. To be clear, I don’t want to say every politically ambitious parent in Westeros is necessarily a loving one - Randyll Tarly had clear ambitions with both of his sons’ would-be or actualized marriage arrangements and is simultaneously a horrible human being, and that goes even more so for Tywin Lannister - only that I don’t think we as readers should automatically equate “ambitious” with “unloving”.
In that context, I think Corlys and Rhaenys are a bit of a mixed bag. The Velaryons certainly seem to have been willing to betroth Laena at a very young age, first to King Viserys and then to the son of the Sealord of Braavos - and in at least the former case, the apparent expectation that Laena would give birth to children sooner rather than later. I’m not saying that I consider Corlys or Rhaenys equivalent to, say, Unwin Peake (and his (unnamed!) daughter) - but just as I criticized that mega-creep Rodrik Arryn for not looking after his own daughter Aemma’s welfare in marrying her off at eleven to Prince Viserys himself, I think there is room for criticism of any Westerosi parent, Corlys and Rhaenys included, who participates in the disturbing pattern of shoving their daughter into marriage and childbirth at an extremely young age. Likewise, that Corlys and Rhaenys wished to have Laenor marry Rhaenyra despite Laenor’s own, almost certainly apparent unwillingness to do so is a reflection of their participation in that same socio-political system of dynastic continuity, and the unfairness inherent to that system; Laenor was no Loras Tyrell-esque third son whose elder brothers could wed and breed (or, indeed, a Daeron I-esque eldest son who could outsource the production of an heir to a younger brother), but the only male heir of a couple whose royal ambitions predated Laenor’s own birth. Still, while I hesitate to give Corlys and Rhaenys real praise for not marrying Laena to the Sealord’s son, given that the match seemed to be as politically hollow as it was personally disastrous, but I would like to imagine that Laena was more pleased to marry Daemon than she would have been that wastrel Sealord’s son (as indeed, her marriage to Daemon does not seem to have been facially unhappy); in that light, perhaps we can give a crumb of credit to the Velaryons for matching Laena with a more personally suitable husband. Too, I do think it’s worth noting a certain sense of fondness Corlys seems to have had, perhaps less to Rhaenyra’s elder sons as individuals as much as toward their identities as specifically Velaryons: when Jacaerys loftily declared that “[o]nly Targaryens ride dragons" (emphasis in original), Corlys supposedly “grumbled at this, insisting that the three boys were Velaryons, yet he smiled as he said it, with pride in his voice”.
Ultimately, and frustratingly, so much of Corlys and Rhaenys as characters is left to the imaginations of readers. Unless (and probably not until) GRRM writes a novella in their POV or interacting directly with them, they remain at arm’s length, sketched rather than fleshed out as personalities.
(Once again, this is not about That Other Show and please do not use this post to talk about That Other Show.)
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Yeah, I agree with this. As far as legacy names go, I'm at least slightly more forgiving of Maes, because it's someone that was close to both Ed and Winry (even if not close enough to name a kid after like you said), and took kind of a familial role. The one I really can't get behind even a little bit is Nina. Like, to Ed that'd be super traumatizing. Would he really want to relive that every time he calls his daughter for dinner? If he did because of a guilt complex or something, would it be fair to the kid? And would the people close to him not see that and try to talk him out of it? Someone like, say, Winry, to whom the name would also have no signifficance because she's never even met the girl? But I'm not a big fan of legacy names - for Ed and Winry specifically it doesn't seem fitting - but also in general. Just seems a bit unoriginal from an out-of-universe perspective, especially when all of the previous characters' children have reused names. Also is it me, or does this pop up in fiction pretty much only for previous characters' children, and even then mostly in fanfics? (No offense to fanfics, I read and even write them myself, but this feels very specifically fanficcy to me). Like, has there ever been a time that an established character, whose parents aren't important characters, just happened to be named after a dead friend of theirs, and that whole backstory is entirely off-screen to the audience? (Actually that sounds very funny to me, someone should write that) THAT SAID - I have a weird soft spot for Sara. I don't know, it's just a pretty name, and the Rockbells feel a bit overshadowed by the Elrics as far as dead parents go, so the idea of honoring them feels nice to me. Also subverts the whole protagonist-centrality trope, like how people sometimes name all the kids only after people important to Ed, or make all of them a copy of only him in personality and interests. Like, they're not just the children of Ed -the protagonist - guys, they're Winry's too - she's important! Would still prefer an original name, but I do kinda like this one.
I'm gonna say it y'all... I don't think Edward Elric was close enough with Maes Hughes to name his own kid after the guy. Like, yeah, for sure, he liked Maes and was horrified when he died and promised to keep such things from happening in the future, but i really don't think he is close enough to the guy to name his kid after him.
And if they were close enough... how fucked up would it be to call your kid by the name of someone you once loved but lost? What a burden to put onto a child.
#fma#fma meta#got a bit rambly#but to ramble just a bit more#can kinda see roy using maes as a name#assuming he has the a)opportunity and b)desire to have a kid#and he might feel that the whole “reliving the guilt and trauma” thing is something he deserves#and I'm not sure riza would stop him like winry would for ed#as she probably has a similar guilt complex#not married to the idea but I can see it#but that's a whole other can of worms#I'll leave it to the people more focused on roy and riza's potential future (and presence or lack of children) to ponder#also realize I come off kinda angry#promise I'm not this is not that serious lol#not angry just thought-having and rambly
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To me, Bruce is a character who doesn't know everything and how everyone works, but he says things so confidently, and is known as a detective, so people just assume he's right and stating facts
#hes batman! of course he's looked into this objectively and isn't letting his own bias or feelings get in the way! thats his whole thing!#(he was in fact letting his own feelings and bias get in the way)#i also dont think him fully aware of this#batman is also to me a character that doesn't fully realize theres consequences to his actions or words outside of hero stuff#batman. in his grief if jason. spun a narrative to himself where jason was reckless and angry and it was all he was and it was inevitable#and never corrected tim who unabashedly thought this amd didn't like jason. and alfred always agrees with him#and well. it spread as fact about jason#and everyone else didn't know him well enough to really argue against it. they've only known him for a handful of hours total after all.#batman was his father. batman knew him. of course batman is right about him#the only person (in my memory) that doesn't go the whole “Jason was ALWAYS angry and reckless and violent and thats what he was” ?#eddie. Jason's old pen pal#anyway !#thats a glimpse in how i view bruce as someone whos read near exclusively comics about jason#im aware. that view of jason is very much from the writers sorta trying to retcon him worse/remember him that way. so batman IS tech right#but yknow me. i tend to take characters original run and appearance (80s jaybin) far more seriously than any after#(jaybin flashbacks written after his death)#and this is just how it reads from an in universe perspective
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tbh my thesis on the astronomical clock in prague might just become a redo of a tenth grade thesis i did about the history of clocks. like the question i want to answer is "why does this clock fascinate us so much" and i think the surface level answer is that it looks cool as hell and is in a touristy part of a touristy town - but on the deeper level it's like. well it's one of the oldest mechanical clocks in the world that's still ticking, and it barely looks like the clocks we have now. it's like pshaw of course i can read a clock, you just look at the dial and the hands, right? and then this clock is like. unreadable because the upper dial shows no less than four kinds of time: babylonian time (twelve hours of day + twelve hours of night, but the length of the hours varies depending on the place and time of year), bohemian or italian time (24 hours that start at sunset, good for seeing how many hours of daylight there's left), old germanic time i think it was called (that's just like what we use now except it doesn't account for daylight savings!), and sidereal time (uhhh is this the zodiac circle thing?????? i should know this)
because the thing about how we count time is, WHY do we count time the way we do? why Twelve hours specifically. what matters more, exact measurements of time units, or following the ebb and flow of daylight? has the way the shaped clocks shaped our lives?? MUCH TO THINK ABOUT. or at least i think about it when i see a clock like the orloj.
#the good news is i found a book about the history of clocks and timekeeping which will hopefully be a hugely helpful source for me#i just need to. read the relevant parts but it helps that i am genuinely deeply fascinated by this topic#and maybe i will manage to close the scope on my thesis a bit bc it's soooo tempting to bite off more than i can chew#its like ohh how does this signify the cross section between religious belief and the hard sciences and how maybe they weren't that separate#that's just. that's way above my paygrade#anyway from an anthropology perspective i love to be confronted with how what we're used to is far from universal and eternal#that's the good shit
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i love the bingge extra because it's like
the horror of realizing you're the dark universe version of yourself. the injustice of seeing this other version of yourself be happy and loved, seeing him be treated with such gentle tenderness from a person who only ever treated you with cruelty
bad sex.
#svsss#julianno#the little glimpses into bingge's perspective when he's watching them are so rough!!#the sqq he knew was cruel and cold and abused him#and so he got his revenge and became powerful and should have everything he wanted#and then he goes into this other universe#and he sees himself being fussed over by an sqq that is gentle and kind and worries about his wellbeing#an sqq that drains himself of his spiritual energy just to tend his wounds#an sqq that brushes his hair and answers with an indulgent hm? whenever he calls out to him#and how unfair is that? he has everything#but this other version of him is loved#and maybe that's all he wanted this whole time#augh.#and then binghe coming back from pidw's universe and saying he looked everywhere but couldn't find shizun#he had so many people at his side but he didn't have the person who mattered most#GOD. anyway. I have so many thoughts on this extra and I haven't even gotten into the bad sex!#i love how sqq is like FUCK HE'S HUGE. NO WAY I'M TAKING THAT.#and binghe is like maybe shizun should top 🥺 <- definitely something he has fantasized for a long time#and sqq is like wait no what if i hurt him i wouldn't be able to bear it. so he ends up bottoming anyway#also the fact that he's so tired by the end lskdjflksd old man.#he claims it was awful and yet he came twice. you are a liar ❤#reading these books after reading mdzs is very funny#going from wangxian fucking like rabbits and having very enthusiastic kinky sex#to binghe crying in the middle of sex and sqq being like If He Puts That Thing In Me I Think I'll Die.
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Mikey: I hate that none of you love me anymore!
Donnie: You’re the last good thing I have.
Clutching my pillow and screaming into it.
#this is dialogue from a fic btw. takes place in the 2007 tmnt movie universe#you know i was never that into the 2007 tmnt movie#just the whole premise of it along with the actual plot that unfolds#i always liked mikey and donnie in it though#and reading 2007 fics from their perspective makes me feel a bit more for the 2007 universe#but really only for mikey and donnie alsdkja#oh also fic is ''i've been afraid of changing'' by taizi#i've read many of taizi's works idk how i missed this one for so long
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war games 🤝 battle for the cowl;: yeah that was a big pivotal event but uh. it didn't happen like that. They told it wrong
#dc#this is also how u know everyone who tries to claim Jason is ~girl coded~ is full of shit bc what happened to steph was 1000x worse both+#in and out of universe#like you have two examples right next to jason of what fridging actually looks like (babs and steph)#trying to pretend jasons death and resurrection were in any way comparable is just plain goofy#like from a writing/editorial/meta perspective specifically. in-universe jason makes the comparison himself but like#hes drawing lines btwn himself and other victims and if you read that and parse 'victim' as 'girl' i think u need to do some reflecting.
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world's finest (1990) #1
[ID: two in-universe drawings from two different orphan children talking about their heros. The first one is by Ann Gray, who's eight years old. She drew a surprisingly decent photo of Batman in front of a yellow background and wrote, ‘My hero — Batman. He is strong and fierce and he can beat anyone. He is very tall. He wears a cool suit with a bat on. He is not afrade of bullits and he saved my life (true). No one nows his reel name or address. the biggist crinminel in all the world could not make him sorender. Batman keeps gothum city safe for everyone and pets.’
The second drawing is by Zachary Sikes who's 12 and a half years old. He drew a photo of Superman using his heat vision as he flies. He wrote, ‘My Hero — Superman. My hero is Superman. He is able to fly and I have seen him lift up a car (with 2 peeple in it). If you hit him in the face then he will just laff. Every one likes him and he saved my life once. The big S on his shirt is for his name (Superman). He lives in Metroplis (where I used to life also). He keeps everything there in law and order.’ END ID]
#WAHHH#‘he keeps everything there in law and order’ ok but does he keep it safe for everyone and their pets?? /j#call this healing my inner child or whatever but as someone that went through A LOT of trauma as a kid... just smthn about these heros from#a child's point of view always gets to me... like both in their universe and also just comics aimed at a younger age group#like its so nice for me (20 yr old adult) to see children getting to have these heros & symbols & characters of hope and love and strength#an example i always think about is batman overdrive. of course it wasnt aimed at me so i didn't get the most enjoyment but there were so#many little cute parts and how they did slightly touch topics (from bruces depression to parent abandonment) in an age appropriate way#and knowing kids get more resources that i didnt at that time? just so nice to know and see#and in universe because yknow we always get the outside perspective and know these characters flaws and struggles#but just to have that innocent and simple perspective of seeing how a child sees and experiences these heros.... ough#<- lemme find that overdrive post to go along with this little ramble hold on...#oh also quick reassurance that i listened back with a screen recorder as always & it reads out fine with the children's spelling errors :)#c: world's finest (1990) | i: 1#crypt's panels#batman#superman#baa mun...
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I currently have to write a thesis, work on the biggest project in my entire study programme and will have to start preparing for my bachelor's exam at some point, and my brain thinks now it's a good time to get back into Red Dead Redemption 2👍
#I bought the game last summer but I'm still only at the very start of chapter 3 because I'm slow as fuck with making progress in the story#tbh I think it's bcI've spent the majority of my playing time so far with just admiring the beautiful landscape and taming cute horsies🐴#this game really brings out my inner horse girl again😭 I'd actually love taking riding lessons irl again once uni stuff is over -#but I'm gonna feel really awkward contacting my riding instructor again after such a long (unintentional) radio silence#like 'hello I got consumed with body and soul by university for one and a half years but here I am again do you still do lessons?'#also aside that I'm just really blown away by this game from a game dev perspective#I read that Rockstar used their own engine to make it so I don't have as much of an idea how they do stuff#but based on all the interactions you can do and things you can discover in the game -#my brain is imploding just trying to comprehend the internal structure of how like objects and their states are managed#and how it keeps track of everything and all that#I'm pretty sure it's not possible with a game like this since it's a company secret but I'd love to just get to look at the code#I probably won't even understand shit but it would still be absolutely fascinating#selnia talks
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.havign lots of thoughts about how npcs are portrayed learning about the nature of their universe in works
#.most of the feelings were thrown onto evan since like. i dunno feels like a lot of the works like that write the npcs as fi the npcs-#.are actually people from outside the game transported into the game and have points of refrence about this whole thing and react how ''rea#.people'' would react to learning that they were inside a video game#.when really the npcs would prolly react closer to just going yea okay. since that's their world. they have no other world. that's their#.universe. and now they ave a little bit more info about their own universe#.yea they could have an existencial crisis if they knew what it means but also like#.''ooooh that means that i'm not real'' uhm. yea they are. they still are. that world is real from their perspective and continues to be#.real even after the learn about this#.from OUR perspective they aren't! but from theirs? yea! they are!#.also it9 s not like they would instantly know everything about how video games work even if they had no prior knwledge of that#.why would they try to change the fact that they're made out of lines of code#.that's like being mad and wanting to change the fact that they're made out of atoms#.except in their case it's ones and zeros in a computer#.PLUS!!!!!!!!! IN SOME CASES!!!!!!!!!! MAYBE THEY DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT VIDEO GAMES OR COMPUTERS ARE!!!!!!!!!!#.IT ALL DEPENDS ON WHAT SORT OF WORLD THE VIDEO GAME PORTRAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#.IF THE WORLD HAS COMPUTERS IN THERE THEN THEY KNOW A LITTLE BIT MORE!#.IF THE WORLD IS MEDIVAL THEY WOULDN'T FUCKING KNOW SHIT!#.once again pointing at evan and how we threw bunch of our feelings about this onto her#.since like he grew up in a world post combine invasion and like. technoglogy isn't really the best#.like barely anyone has any access to it other than the combine and all that jazz#.so she doesn't know what video games are. maybe has heard of what computers are#.she learned about being in a video game but to him that's the same as learning how our solar system travels through the galaxy and physics#.it's just another little detail about the world thta may explain some things. or maybe it doesn't#.when facing with her code she sees it as her dna. yea she's reading it but she deson't understand a thing in it#.maybe some fragments maybe not#.just like how everyday people wouldn't know how to interpert dna if they already haven't studied about that subject#.and when him getting corrupted. she doesn't know what happened. he just knows that something did. but she can't do anything about it#.and instead just learn how to navigate the world with more difficulties#.like how one would with a pernament injury
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I need people to stop glorifying the 4B movement in Korea, from a Western (white) perspective. Stop it. If you are blissfully unaware of this (having not been on TikTok) - in theory, it makes sense. No sex with men, no dating men, no child rearing with men, and no marriage with men. But. BUT. Feminists in Korea are problematic AF. I know this from both personal experience (having been on the receiving end of their ire online) and everything I've read about them, in Korean. I see all these white TikTokers (and even some in the Korean diaspora) fawning over how "we" in the US need this and, no. If your feminism is transphobic, hates gay men, hates men in general, that's not the feminism I'd endorse. Why is Korean feminism transphobic? In 2020, Korean feminists ACTIVELY CAMPAIGNED AGAINST a woman who was accepted to Sookmyung University. An all womens' university. But she was a woman, you say. What could be their problem? According to Korean feminists, they didn't want a "man" in their space. Because she is a trans woman. This is not unusual for Korean feminists. Having lived there for 5 years, to some extent, I understand their anger against misogyny. But if you are truly against the toxic patriarchy that exists in Korea, you must also help dismantle military conscription because that is where a lot of men become radicalized, bullied, etc etc and "grow up" to be the most toxic form of men seen on this earth. But Korean feminists don't give AF about that and in fact, I've read a lot of them express that it's good for men to suffer. Guess what? That view is internalized misogyny and toxic patriarchy, too. And I don't want to hear it about the movement being so "young". Korean women have stepped up to the plate before in our history. We are capable of better than this fucking nonsense. It's a bunch of transphobic, gay hating radicals that have hijacked what was supposed to be about social justice. WOMAD (link is to the Wikipedia article, not their site) and Megalia are the two sites they stem from. It is the most toxic group of people I've ever had the displeasure to encounter online. Any form of criticism is, at best, ignored and worst - I've been "called out" for being Korean-American, and therefore, to "butt out" of "Korean issues". Amongst other bullying I've personally received. And yes, not just on forums but on public articles that I've commented on.
I know it's a catchy title and it appeals in theory but please, please do not glorify these transphobes and TERFs. They don't deserve your attention.
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okay if you're really cool about things, i can be honest with you. before you read further, decide if you're a girl's girl. if you're cool and actually cool or like not cool.
men don't talk in my book because i was fuckken tired of the way they're the center of every fucking story. i was tired of how every story takes a moment to let them talk. men can shut up for literally one fucking book.
unfortunately not everyone is cool. professionally what i usually say is i didn't want to add violence to the world. the only men in my book are abusers, so they don't get to talk. they don't get to take up space. they ruined my life, they don't get to have their words echo anymore.
because like, yeah! you find practically any story about a person surviving trauma and... there's a man at the center. men are often rescuing us from these things. a "good man" is always standing around, being a good man, proving to the victim that good men are the real men. that her experience was unique rather than universal.
the redacted text has not been taken well by all of my early readers. there is this weird, crouching growl that keeps occurring with men-of-a-certain-age. why don't we hear his side of the story?
when i sat down to write everything that happened to me, i couldn't look at the frank brutality of my abuser's words on a page and think to myself: i actually let him speak like that. i had to redact his words from the manuscript. i then left it redacted. no victim is going to read this book and hear the person who hurt them. it is a book for the victims to speak. abusers shut up challenge, forever. for eternity.
my father once told me, chuckling, i should just have a page of redaction where i let the man just finally talk. it is funny to joke about how we should make a whole page in my book about a man that hurt me. this was not the only time someone commented - it feels like you're hiding things. how do i know you're actually a victim if he doesn't get to speak?
there are books where women aren't even present. i even genuinely like some of those books. like, who doesn't like the hobbit?
i keep running into people defending this imaginary man. the default narrative is so true to some people that they will defend any man, just by virtue of the assumption - "if he's acting like that, you had to push him." certain people need definitive proof that you didn't accidentally make your partner into an abuser. they need to decide if you deserved it, because they want to be able to judge you.
which makes sense, i guess, from a hind brain perspective. if you can figure out "why" someone was cruel, you can protect yourself against it. if you defend the bully, the bully might side with you. i don't really know their explanation for feeling this about a character in a book. trust me, i wrote the guy. he is not going to protect you.
i guess i just - there was a time in my life where i desperately wanted anyone to defend me. where i could have really used someone saying holy shit are you okay instead of what did you say to make him act like that to you.
instead, over dinner, a friend-of-a-friend i just met is pouring herself wine. i heard you wrote a book, she says. she gives me the kind of chilly smile i associate with knives. i heard it's unfair to men.
#the author is nonbinary. don't get fucking weird.#btw if ur a woman and u do this u go to advanced special hell. like if u defend ab*sers at all#u dont get to pretend ur protected from being misogynistic. ur not. we all have internal work.#writeblr#i can't write lately wtf
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ᯓ★ how the law changed my life˚ ༘ ೀ⋆。˚
𐙚₊˚ personally i love being alive so much, i love allowing myself to be happy in this life. i love the opportunities i get daily just by being alive. i love being myself and knowing the people i know
i spent the first 20 years of my life suffering and expecting the worst, of myself, of others and the world that surrounded me and one day (two years after finding out about the law) i realized just how useless it was. if i created my own reality why the hell would i keep living in one where i was being constantly tormented? i did it all and i mean ALL every method, every affirmation, ive written letters and burnt them. ive spoken to the universe crying at night and in the morning, ive drank moon water, ive lit candles, ive affirmed, ive shadow worked for months over traumas i didnt even know i carried
ive built my perspective from zero. and now im on the other side of that tunnel, so excited to be alive, excited to create and learn i want to read it all, learn it all and i know ive got the time, and i am so thankful because i can truly do it all and have it all.
and i wish this reaches everybody who needs to read it because you are as worthy of having it all as anybody else would be. because the sooner you decide your life is magical the sooner you realize it truly actually is worth living
#loa blog#law of assumption#master manifestor#manifesting#loa#loa success#self concept#new story#4d reality
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It’s Not A Big Deal
Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV
Summary: Dean's in for a rude awakening when he finds out exactly what you did when you got stranded in another universe.
Tropes: Fluff, Frenemies (Dean and the Reader), Awkward Situation, Multiverse Problems.
Word Count: 3.1K (I promise I didn't mean for it to happen)
Warnings: I'm gonna label this 18+ just to be sure. There is some swearing (only a few times), Heated Kiss, Sexual Innuendo, References to Sex/Past Sex (it happens quite a bit). Soldier Boy being Soldier Boy (Everyone knows he’s a warning).
Note: This is told from Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!
Internal monologue is in italics and is in first person
Main Masterlist
A/N: Okay I know that I should be working on my other fics, but I had this idea after reading an INCREDIBLE fic by @justagirlinafandomworld called "Stranded" for @jacklesversebingo and I couldn't help myself.
Sam squeals the car into the parking lot of the motel so loud that Dean and you can hear the high pitched scream of rubber on asphalt from your room on the second level.
"If he ruins those tires he's going to pay for them." Dean grumbles under his breath from where he sits at the small wooden table under the window, wiping down his gun with a clean rag. The sunlight that came streaming through dramatized the sharp angles of his jaw and the soft sleepy strands of his hair that still stuck up from when he woke up an hour ago.
"I don't know what his hurry is." You don’t look up from the worn paperback perched in your lap, gently turning the page. "If he's that eager to get back here to tell us something he should have just called."
“Maybe there was a sample sale on hair gel.” Dean laughs at his own joke and you can sense him look up from the gun to try and catch your eye, but you don't raise your gaze from the text.
“That’s pretty brave coming from someone who owns 90% of the products in that bathroom.”
“What? I do not-“
“Really? If I walk in there right now there won’t be seven different half-used deodorant sticks?”
“They’re different smells." Dean says defensively. "And shut up. I don’t comment on how many books you bring with you. Don’t know why you need to shove a million in your bag and then just buy one while you’re here.”
“Because I might not feel like reading the ones I bring. I might want to try something new. And this book,” You wave the book in your hand for emphasis. “Is very good and I don’t have it back at the bunker, and it was only two bucks!"
“But the others ones might be good too. You don’t know.” Dean sighs, looking at you like you're insane. "You just let them sit and rot in your suitcase."
Today was the last day that you would be staying in Louis, Illinois. The current case that the three of you had been working on together had been solved, which meant that the townsfolk were no longer dealing with a zombie outbreak and you were at peace to settle down on your pull out bed with a good book, taking a few moments for yourself.
You desperately needed at least five, but you also wished that you were already back in your room at the bunker.
The bed there didn't have as many springs that stuck into your back at odd angles and didn't squeak whenever you moved an inch. Your inability to find a comfortable position meant that the mattress squeaked all night long and Dean had thrown his pillow at you to make it stop. He hadn’t been pleased when you returned it back to him. Then again, you had hit him in the face with it as hard as you could when you did.
And like hell you were going to give Dean Winchester the satisfaction of sleeping in bed with him. You’d had to do that one time on a hunt where there were no extra rooms and Dean refused to let you sleep on the floor or in his car. He said that you might make it spontaneously combust. So you'd shared the bed and learned that he was the biggest blanket hog you’d ever met, not to mention when you woke up he was spooning you and you couldn’t be certain, but you thought he had tried to cop a feel at least once.
If anything you’d maybe sleep in Sam’s bed, but the guy was so much bigger than you he took up most of the space, so you were stuck with the pull out couch.
You couldn't wait to be home. You liked going out on cases, but you liked that you had a home now, a space that was only yours, and someplace where you could shut yourself away from the world. And most importantly, away from Dean Winchester, who had been the bane of your existence since the night you met him for the first time.
Of course this wasn't too bad either. Taking a few moments of quiet for yourself while Dean cleaned his guns and sorted some of his tools in his duffle. The two of you were getting more comfortable around one another. When you’d first met there had been a lot of screaming and several "she's not going to be there is she?" and "what the hell is she doing here?" questions that Dean moaned to Sam over and over the more the three of you teamed up.
You weren't used to working with other people, well, now you were, but before it had just been you and the endless road. But as it began to happen more and more you tried to fit comfortably into the swing of things. Dean and you would occasionally bump heads, but it happened less now than it did before. After five years you'd hoped that the two of you could be more civilized, for Sam's sake at least.
Sam and you got along much better. You didn't understand what Dean's problem was with you, or why he hated you so much. He was always correcting you, insulting you, and snatching things away from you as if you hadn't been hunting your entire life. Occasionally it wasn't that bad, like right now, but it had been much worse a few years ago.
When you'd met Dean you'd hated him, thought he was a dick, but the more the two of you spent time together on cases the more you saw that he did those things to hide what he was feeling and the more you saw how big his heart was.
You believed that your relationship now with him had progressed to a sort of symbiotic relationship, but honestly it was more like passive aggressive roommates who fight over whose turn it is to clean the dishes.
Dean still tended to get high and mighty sometimes and annoyed you without end, but you stuck around and in Sam's words "bickered like an old couple."
Sam had gone to grab some snacks and fill the tank at the gas station down the street twenty minutes ago, leaving with a joyful "Don't kill each other."
So far there were no casualties, but apart of you itched to beam Dean in the back of the head with the paperback just for a little bit of excitement.
Sam bursts into the room out of breath. "Okay I-"
"Where's the fire Sammy?" Dean sighs looking up from his gun.
"I ran into someone when I was at the gas station." Sam says it all together, as if it's one sentence.
"And?" You move your hand in a come on gesture hoping that Sam will get to the point.
"Well he's- he's-"
The man that pushes into the room past Sam is not Dean, he looks like him, but that's not why he's so familiar. He's muscular with dark brown hair that hangs a little longer than Dean's, over the top of his ears, while a few strands fall forward on his forehead. He's allowed a dark beard to cover his cheeks, but his eyes are the same piercing green that they were the last time you saw him. And if that wasn't enough for you to recognize him, the dark green superhero suit would be a dead giveaway.
Oh shit.
"Ben?" You drop your book onto the thick carpeted floor in surprise.
Two months ago you had been unwillingly transported to another reality, a reality where superheroes were real, people had powers, and where you met a version of Dean that you actually got along with better than the Dean in your reality.
You hadn't told Sam or Dean what happened between Ben and you. You weren't about to admit out loud that you actually got along with another version of Dean or admit that you found the other version of Dean aka Ben, attractive. So attractive in fact that you had spent a good amount of the time in the other universe in bed with him before you came back to your reality.
Ben doesn't respond, instead he crosses the room in several powerful strides, and hauls you up off the pull out couch.
"What are you-"
One of his hands tangles in the back of your hair, pulling your mouth against his in a furious kiss that steals your breath away and silences whatever you were going to say next. A part of you registers that Dean and Sam are still in the room, but it's quickly swept away by how it feels to kiss Ben. You hadn't forgotten him, anything but that. Sometimes you actually kind of missed him, when you were lonely or when the Dean from your universe annoyed you too much. Because Ben annoyed you too, but at least at the end of it there was a way to relieve the tension. With Dean the only place you put all your frustration was into the hunt and there were only so many times you could bash a Djinn’s head in.
Ben's tongue brushes against your bottom lip, begging for entrance, and you let him in, bringing your hands up to the back of his neck to thread into the long strands of his hair. The strands fall between your fingertips, feathering out from your grip. You moan softly into his mouth as he deepens the kiss, feeling the familiar scratch of his beard against your cheeks, and feel his hand begin to slip down your back to rest on the curve of your ass.
Well, he certainly hasn't changed.
"Fuck I missed you sweetheart." Ben murmurs against your mouth squeezing your butt to emphasize the point. "You and this sexy fucking body."
"Ben." You roll your eyes with a snort.
"What? You didn't miss me?" He raises an eyebrow, forcing his mouth into an attractive pout. "Because you certainly seemed happy to see me a second ago." His free hand gently traces your plump lower lip with the pad of your thumb.
"I did and I am happy to see you, but what are you doing here?"
"Thought so." Ben leans his head back down towards yours, ignoring your question as he tries to kiss you again, but before he can Dean interrupts.
"What the fuck is going on?" Dean shouts, standing from the table under the window, and points his gun at Ben's unprotected back. "Who the fuck are you?"
Ben half turns over his shoulder eyes flicking from the gun to Dean with a sigh. "Look the only thing that's gonna do is piss me off. And you don't want that kid."
Dean makes a face. "Who the hell are you calling kid?"
"Now why don't you two fuck off for a few hours, let me give her a proper hello." Ben turns his dark eyes back on you, cupping your chin in his large hand.
"Y/n? You want to tell us what's happening? Or who this guy is?" Sam asks, but you can't look away from Ben.
You really had missed him. Ben was even more attractive than you remembered. The day that you'd left his universe, Ben had asked you to stay, well, had asked you in his own way. He'd said that he wasn't done with you and if you had stayed he would have made it worth your while. But you had to come back. You weren’t sure how Dean and Sam would survive without you and also because the universe that Ben inhabited was more terrifying than yours, and that was saying something, given that you dealt with demons on a daily basis.
"Guys this is Ben." You clear your throat. "Ben this is Dean and Sam."
"Ben as in Soldier Boy? From the fucked up reality with the people with superpowers Ben?" Dean sputters. He lowered the gun slightly, but he's still looking from Ben to you like he's just walked in on his parents making out.
"Yes." You say it slowly, trying to find a way out, but there really isn't any way to hide this.
It's not that big a deal, is it?
Ben releases you and turns to look at Dean, eyes skating over his body. "So that's Dean?" He tilts his head to the side. "Kinda scrawny. The way you described him made me think he'd look a little more like a man and less like a fucking pussy."
"What the fuck did you just say to me?" Dean takes a step towards Ben, holding his gun steady out from his chest. You noticed that Dean did try to puff it out more after Ben's insult.
"You heard me." Ben smirks, welcoming the challenge.
"Whoa!" You step between them. "Calm down ladies there's enough Prada to go around at this sample sale."
Ben's eyes narrow in confusion at your comment, but he doesn't back down from Dean.
"I'd say that you left a few details out of your trip!" Dean shouts looking from Ben to you in disgust. "Did you sleep with me?"
"What?" You look at him like he’s crazy.
What does he mean?
"You, and him." Dean gestures wildly with the gun. "Did you sleep with me?"
"What are you talking about? No I didn't sleep with you, I slept with him and it was only once!" You shout back.
Ben clears his throat.
"Fine. A few times.” You correct with a sigh.
“But- you- him-“ Dean’s head turns from Ben to you. “Him- you-.”
“Yeah. Me and her fucked.” Ben says it slowly like Dean is a child.
Honestly he was acting a little bit like a child.
Sam is holding back his laughter behind a hand while Dean’s eye begins to twitch aggressively.
This is exactly why I didn’t tell him. They aren’t the same person! Dean is Dean and Ben is Ben. Someone who shares the same face. And probably the same other things that I’m not going to think about right now because that seems crazy.
"How many times is a few?” Dean demands.
"Why does that matter?”
"HOW MANY?" He shouts so loud that you think the people in the next room over were probably having a wonderful time listening to this soap opera.
Because it kinda did sound like one right? The main character never gets along with someone and then gets transported to another reality through a colorful portal and immediately clicks with another version of him. And-
Maybe I need to rethink my life.
"Well..." Your face scrunched up trying to count exactly how many times that you and Ben had sex. It was difficult. Not that it was hard to remember, you knew that you weren’t going to forget it anytime soon, but just the amount of times the two of you were together was more than you could count on your fingers.
"Well what? You were there for five days!"
"I mean..." You shrug.
“Why?” Dean groans pinching the bridge of his nose as if trying to scrub the images from his brain.
Honestly, if he’d told you that he had sex with another version of you, you probably would have had the same reaction, but you were not about to admit that to Dean Winchester of all people.
He’s not gonna win this argument. Especially not when he's waving his gun around like a psychopath.
“Because he's-“ You glance over at Ben who winks at you. “I don’t know. He’s just kinda-.”
“Everything you’re not.” Ben raises his eyebrow at Dean.
“Sammy you gonna weigh in on this?” You look at Sam expectantly hoping that he can jolt Dean out of the never ending loop he seemed to be stuck in.
“Nope. I’m staying out of it.” Sam holds his hands up in surrender.
“I cannot believe you slept with me!” Dean shouts again.
“Stop saying that! I didn’t sleep with you! I slept with him. Can we please move on-“ You groan.
"Same thing!"
"What? How is it the same thing?” You plant your hands on your hips glaring at Dean.
"He's me from another universe!" Dean is gesturing wildly with his gun now. “How would you feel if I slept with an alternate version of you?”
“It’s completely different!”
“How?”
“They aren’t us!”
“He sure as hell looks like me!" Dean snaps back. "What did you close your eyes the whole time or something?"
Your cheeks flare bright red with Dean's question. "No I didn't!"
“And I don’t look like you.” Ben grunts crossing his arms over his chest and giving Dean a once over again.
“He also doesn’t act like you.” You add.
It was true, Ben didn’t. And for some reason you got along with him more. You didn’t understand what Dean’s problem was, but for the better part of five years he’d been treating you like you hadn’t been hunting your whole life. Not to mention the first three years were spent with Dean barely saying two words to you without some kind of insult attached.
“That’s beside the point!”
“How is that beside the point?” You demand.
“I can’t believe you did this!”
"I didn't kill anyone Dean. I didn't torture any babies or kill any puppies. We are consenting adults! We had sex-"
“No no no!” Dean puts his fingers in his ears. “Lalalalala.” He sings to himself to avoid the image.
"And we're gonna have it again. So the two of you should clear out, unless you're in to that kind of thing Deanie.” Ben wraps his arm around your shoulders to pull you into him, but you don’t take your eyes off of Dean.
“Fuck I’m gonna need so much therapy after this” Dean groans putting the gun down on the table. Which was a good sign because now you weren’t worried that he would accidentally shoot Sam in the foot.
“Really? After everything you’ve gone through that’s what pushes you over the edge?” You ask him in shock.
“Yes. Are you happy? You’ve driven me to the point of insanity!” Dean snaps.
"You're acting like a child."
"I am not! I am having a completely normal reaction to finding out you slept with Wannabe Captain America!” Dean gestures to all of Ben who looks at Dean like he can’t tell if it’s an insult or not.
You take in a deep breath to calm your racing heart. “Why are you so upset that I slept with him Dean? I don’t understand how this is so earth shattering to you that two people had sex! You have sex with people all the time-“
“Not with you!”He snaps back, but then clears his throat when he realized what he just said.
“He is not YOU!” You shout rolling your eyes for the millionth time. At the rate he was going, you were sure they were going to roll out of your head.
“As important as this conversation is… can we maybe put a pin in it and go back to why he’s here?” Sam asks diplomatically.
“No-“ Dean says at the same time you say.
“Yes! Ben why are you here?”
“Don’t really know.” He shrugs taking a long hit from a joint that seemed to materialize out of thin air, while tightening his arm over your shoulders. “All I know was that I was fighting Homelander and someone hit me from behind. Then I ended up here.” Ben’s eyes trace your body. “But I’m not complaining, especially not because I got to see you again doll.” He winks.
“Homelander?” Dean repeats. “That is the stupidest hero name I’ve ever heard in my entire life.”
“He’s anything but a hero.” You fight the shudder from the last time you ran in to him. “Think about Superman if Superman was a narcissistic sadist with a massive inferiority complex, no weakness, and an obsession with perfect hair.”
Dean looks Ben up and down with a heavy sigh. “I’m disappointed that I couldn’t have at least been a bit more like Batman.”
“Trust me. You don’t want to meet knockoff Batman from his reality either.” You respond.
"I guess I'll start doing some research." Sam says slowly, looking from Ben to you while hiding a smile.
He’s enjoying this way too much.
"Good." Dean frowns at Ben, before he claps him hard on the shoulder. You saw Dean fight the wince when he felt how solid Ben was. "Let's get you home buddy." His eyes dart from Ben to you. "Before you do anything else that'll scar me for life."
Thank you so much for reading! Likes, Comments, and Reblogs are not required, but are always appreciated! 😊
Taglist: @roseblue373 @mrsjenniferwinchester
#supernatural#soldier boy x you#jensen ackles soldier boy#soldier boy#soldier boy x female reader#soldier boy x reader#soldier boy/ben#jensen ackles#dean winchester#supernatural fanfiction#sam winchester#supernatural fic#supernatural fandom
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𝐋𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬
Carlos Sainz x reader
Word count: 2.5k
Warnings: Smut, feeling guilty about sexual thoughts, age gap, I think that's it?
Notes: Heyyy, Carlos??? Hope I read this request right! Probably changed it a bit. This is more from Carlos perspective than anything else
Request Don't know if you are taking any requests or not, but how's best friend brother's with Carlos Sainz when suddenly having ons with the reader and Carlos been wondering how having her in his bed
Pt 2 here
Carlos breathed in the familiar hot air as he stepped out of his car and onto the gravel of his family home. He had finally touched down on home ground and planned to spend the majority of his summer break here.
He smiled to himself as he watched the big house and the green grass. He loved this house, he loved their summers and he was excited to spend some down time with his family.
Ana and y/n should be there already, Blanca maybe but she could also arrive later. His parents weren't home, he knew that already but they would come in an hour or so.
Someone was home at least judging by the open porch door and small talk coming from the other side of the deck.
Carlos walked over the grass, trying to see who was there but he opted to take in his bags first. He had just stepped into the big hallway when he saw a figure from the big window. Ana was there and.. who was that? All he could see was a beautiful woman, hair moving in the wind and a beautiful figure on the deck. Carlos swallowed before moving away, it was rude to stare.
Who was that? Was that.. no it couldn't be Y/n, could it? But who else would be here to stay for the summer. It was always Y/n.
Carlos' mind ran on high speed as he tried to process who else it could be because this was certainly not the Y/n he remembered. No, last summer you had been this, very cute sure, but nerdy little girl who had barely graduated school and was now working at the downtown café whilst studying in university.
You had always been sweet and cute but he had never ever seen you as attractive. No this, this was surely someone else. Maybe one of Blankas work-friends. It could not be you.
Carlos forced the thoughts away as he marveled into the house, his house. It was hot, summer and he was settling for some downtime before the next part of the season began, that was the focus he reminded himself of.
He opted to start on food, eyes flickering back to the garden to try and get a look at whoever it was out there but they had disappeared from the kitchen view. Maybe that was for the better actually.
"Carlos!"Carlos flinched at the sound of his name, too deep in thoughts to realize someone had entered the open kitchen from the patio-doors in the living room.
He turned around with a wide smile as he recognized your voice opening his arms to hug you which you welcomed with a giggle.
His face fell however when he looked at you after you had stepped away. What the fuck had happened over winter?
The before young, teenage-looking girl had really grown into a young looking sure, but gorgeous woman. Face more mature-looking, smile as captivating as always and your body. Carlos had to force himself to look at your face as you were dressed down in only a small skirt and a bikini-top from having been sunbathing and swimming all morning.
Fuck it was you, how?
He quickly averted his eyes from your body to look at your face
"Hola Y/n" he smiled warmly as you hugged him in greeting. "We thought you came but we didn't see you" you smiled as you watched the counter top that was filled with ingredients. "Sorry, I planned on going out but..."
That Ana came out was perfect timing because Carlos had no idea how to finish that sentence. "Carlos! Why didn't you come out to greet us?!" she scolded as she wrapped her brother into a warm hug, Carlos stuttered, what he wanted to say, or the reason for it was not something he wanted to say at all so instead he shrugged. "I was about too" he said instead , ignoring the look Ana gave him and the food on the counter.
Ana dropped it quickly, the excitement of seeing her brother taking over the weird behavior and she soon proceeded to ask him a million questions but it was all like usual with the Sainz siblings.
You were happy, content in stretching out on the sofa and listening to their chat during the evening and when the night came you gladly welcomed the soft bed in the Sainz's guest room.
-
Carlos wanted to hit the person of his family that had suggested a boat day. He loved being on the boat and he loved being with his family and the boat was a tradition in your summers. You used to take the boat out to a small little island only an hour away and spend the day swimming, laughing and grilling before going back home in the evening when the light had already gone away and the city lights illuminated in the water.
However the only thing he could concentrate on all day was you in your tiny little bikini that barely left anything to the imagination. If he was realistic it was a normal bikini, but it was still tiny and he could barely keep his eyes off of you.
When you had been exiting from the water with your hair drenched and dripping with a huge smile on your face he had stared so long that Blanca had hit him in the back of the head with a scolding look and Carlos had coughed, looking away feeling guilty.
It was a nice day, the sun grilling your skin and everyone was happy that summer had finally arrived. Carlos' parents grilled over the open fireplace as everyone settled down, chatting lowly and laughing.
He enjoyed it, laughing and joking with you and his sisters, chatting with his parents. Swimming in the hot sun. It was a great day but when the time came and you decked the boat and walked up to the villa Carlos felt like he would snap off the tension in his body.
-
He still couldn't really grasp it, couldn't grasp how attracted he suddenly was to you.
He groaned as he collapsed down on his bed, his head in an awkward position against the headboard. He let out an annoyed groan and flopped down in an ungraceful movement.
He felt annoyed, tight like a string as he tried to sit more comfortably. He was hard in his sweatpants and that annoyed him more than anything else. He felt ridiculous, like a teenage boy watching a pornmagazine for the first time. All this for only a little bikini, it was ridiculous but he couldn't help it, couldn't make it go away.
He closed his eyes, groaning when the only thing he saw in his head was just in that stupid little bikini. He couldn't help it when his hand crept down his body, his mind telling him it was wrong but the satisfaction he felt when he finally wrapped his hand around his cock pushed away all those thoughts until the only thing he could think about was dirty dreams.
At first the pictures were more okay, if there were something like this in picturing his sister's younger friend while jerking off.
It was you, in that bikini you had stropped around in all day, your smile and your elegant figure. Then it was your lips, then it morphed into your lips wrapped around his cock and from there on he was screwed.
He pictured how you would look as you sucked him off, he could picture the look in your eyes as you would’ve licked over his tip, he could almost hear the sounds you would make as he pushed your head that slight bit further.
He pictured laying you down on his crisp white sheets, pictured how he would pull your legs apart, could hear your moans in his head.
He could almost taste her on his tongue, see her face contorted in pleasure. His mind wandered further and further away from reality as his hand moved up and down his shaft. He would feel guilty, he would feel so guilty afterwards but right now, at this moment he only felt pleasure and his thoughts only added to his arousal.
It was wrong, he knew it, but he didn't feel it. It felt fucking amazing, the pictures, the imaginition he had made him harder than he'd been in a long time.
He pictured your face as he would fuck you, imagining how hot you would feel around him, how tight you would be. He pictured the sounds you would make as he made you orgasm, the picture stuck in his head as he finally released with a long groan, head falling back as the relief finally washed over him.
Only then did the realization hit and he felt disgusted over himself. The cum on his skin added to the sick feeling in his chest. It was not normal. It was disgusting. Jerking off to Ana's best friend who was many years younger than himself just because he'd find out she'd been growing curves. He felt a tight feeling in his stomach, like he would need to throw up. He hurried into the bathroom and jumped into the shower like he was on fire.
His skin was red where he had roughly scrubbed the cum of his skin and he felt slightly better when he dressed in clean clothes and shook the water off his hair. Maybe it was okay.
The guilt however came back full force once he saw you on the sofa with Blanca, gossiping and laughing. He had to look away to swallow the lump in his throat that had formed.
-
You were sprawled out in one of the outdoor chairs next to Blanca in the hot sun. You had just been taking a dip in the ocean and was now drying up on the big deck of the Sainz's house.
"Do you think Carlos has anything against me?" you asked Blanca randomly, noticing the way she jerked up in her chair to give you a wild look.
"Que?! Carlos loves you silly" she waved you off. Summer at Sainz, anything with the Sainz's had been always consisting in your life. You and Ana had met in kindergarten. She was two years older than you but somehow you had stuck together throughout school and then throughout adulthood. You had spent every summer since then here, in the amazing villa with her family. You had traveled with them, watched Carlos's races, you had been a part of them forever so maybe you understood her wild look but still. It had felt like something was bothering him these first couple of days. He had been acting slightly... stiff around you.
"I know... I don't know why but it's just.. he has been so awkward with me, barely spoken to me alone" you shrugged and Blanca hummed. "I think Carlos is having a bit of a crisis" Blanca grinned as she leant back in the soft chair
This time you sat up to give her a look. "What do you mean? Is something wrong with his racing?"
Blanca laughed and shook her head with a huge grin on her face. "No, not about racing" she calmed
"I think little Carlos is having a crisis about how gorgeous you have become" she smiled before adding "You have always been gorgeous, but over the winter..." she made a face expression as if to express the change and you giggled, it was true. You had matured in your body a lot over the winter, felt more comfortable, more secure.
"I don't think that's it though" you hummed, waving it off. Carlos was a formula one driver, he could basically chat up and model he wanted, and have the most gorgeous girls. He had many options, he would never choose you, his sister's friend.
"I think it is, I've catched him staring a bit too long and often. And every time I catch him with a slap on his head he looks extremely guilty"
You giggled at that, leaning back into the seat "I'm pretty happy with that reason to be honest" you smirked at Blanca who shook her head with a grin on her face "Watch it"
-
The next few days were fine, he still got a semi everytime you walked around in your mini bikinis and those shorts that showed all of your ass but he tried to control himself, felt he succeeded okay.
It was on the fourth day he snapped again. You had been taking a walk from the restaurant you had eaten at and stopped to buy ice cream and take a dip in the ocean.
You were yet again wearing only your bikini top and those tiny shorts that felt unnecessary to even have on because they didn't hide anything in Carlos's mind. Your hair was once again wet, dripping down your back and then it was the ice cream.
He knew it was just in his head, but it felt like you were provoking him, licking the tip of it in such a way he almost wanted to moan.
When he came back home he immediately walked up to his room and into the shower. He couldn't stop the images of going wild. Once again you were on the floor looking up at him with those big innocent eyes and licking the tip of his dick just as you had been the ice cream.
He could feel the tip of your tongue, could hear the small sound you surely would make at the taste of his precum that was pearling at his tip, he slid his thumb over it, imagining it was your tongue and he moaned loudly. He gripped his cock harder, slowly moving it down, imaging it was your mouth sinking down on him. The picture was so hot he jerked in his hold.
He sped up eventually, eyes closing to savor the filthy imaginations that were playing in his mind, like a slideshow. He could feel your touch, hear your voice and see you. It was all too much and he soon came over his hand, for the second time thinking about you.
He sighed as he let the water run down his body, cleaning him up and he let his head fall back against the tile. Maybe it was what it was. He would move on eventually, not get hard at the mere sight of you. It would be fine.
Carlos didn't fight it anymore, there was nothing he could do about his body's reaction. He sighed deeply and shrugged to himself. He lost the battle and he was really fucking attracted to you. Maybe that was just how it was now.
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