#and this is coming from someone whos favorite panic album is vices

[hazardsoflove]

i can’t think think about panic for too long bc it makes me so sad and angry because they could’ve had an amazing legacy with fever and pretty odd but brendon had to keep using the name

[angelikook]

Yoongi As Your Brother

Everyone knows how soft he is with the boys.

He's also like that with you, multiplied by 100.

Because you're his only sister.

And you were born right when he wanted to have a baby sister.

He's also overprotective because of that.

So overprotective he never lets you meet the boys.

Like ever.

But you're determined to change that.

“Yoongi, why don’t you ever bring me to work? I want to see you practicing.”

“No. You're just going to annoy us."

"I won't. I'll stay quiet."

"We all know you can't stay quiet."

"Touché. But just give me a chance. All the boys' siblings have seen BTS except me."

"You don't need to see them."

"But I want to know if BTS is like what the media portrays."

"I'm BTS."

"It's different. Please, Yoongi just this once."

In the end, you win much to his dismay.

Because you know there's no way he can say no to you.

Since you both were young, you only have each other because your parents are busy making money.

That's why if you have a problem, you'll come to him and vice versa.

"Y/n, do you have some time to talk?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"Lately I just feel not good."

"Like what?"

"Like I don't know what I'm doing."

"You know, I felt the same thing too."

"What did you do to overcome it?"

"I just focus on the things that I like doing. What do you like to do?"

"I don't know…"

"There's your answer. You need to find what you like to do first. Then you'll find your purpose and you'll feel better."

"Thanks, bro. I owe you one."

"Yeah you do. Buy me food."

"Again?"

"You said you owe me, though?"

"Sure. Whatever."

You constantly annoy him just cause.

But he just lets you.

Only you, though.

"Yoongi, what are you doing?"

"Working on my album."

"Can I listen too?"

"No."

"Come on! I'll tell you my opinion on it too."

"No, thanks."

"Yoongi, please."

"Y/n no."

"Just this once."

"And you won't annoy me ever again?"

"Well… I can't really promise that."

"Fine. Here, I'll play it for you only once."

"Yeay, thanks!"

Misses you 24/7.

Especially when he's on tour and has no time to call you.

"Why are you so glum?" Jimin asks one day.

"He misses Y/n," Namjoon answers.

"Just call her now. You still have some time before we go up."

"Jimin! You're a genius."

"Your welcome."

Unfortunately, you have a class when he calls.

So he slumps back into his chair, disappointed.

But after his concert ends, you call him back.

"Yoongi! Sorry I was in a class. What's up?"

"I just want to check up on you, mom, and dad. How are y'all?"

"We're good. Just focus on your job."

"I am. Do you have some free time before the tour ends?"

"Why? You want me to visit you?"

"If you can."

"I wish I can. Exam is coming up, so I need to study. Maybe mom and dad can come, though."

"But what about you? Will you be okay at home alone?"

"I'll be fine. Have you forgotten that I'm a grown up?"

"In my eyes, you'll always be that stupid kid who fell into the toilet."

"Hey! I thought we're way past that."

"It's too funny to forget."

"In my eyes, you're still the same evil Yoongi who chased my boyfriends away in middle school."

"You deserve much more than just those rowdy boys."

"Whatever. At least now you're on tour so I can date anyone I want."

"You're still not allowed to date until you're 30!"

When you're sick and he's still on tour, he panics.

He can't focus on his performance at all.

"What's wrong?" Jin asks after the concert ends.

"Y/n's sick and I haven't been able to call her."

"Tell our manager, I'm sure he'll let you visit her. We have a couple of days before our next concert."

After getting his manager's approval, he flies the first flight he can get.

Only to see you at home watching TV while eating popcorn.

"Y/n! Mom said you're sick."

"Why are you here?"

"Answer me first."

"Yes. I was sick, but now I feel better."

"You made me worried sick. You didn't even pick up my calls."

"Sorry. I just don't feel like opening my phone."

"Don't do that next time."

"Sure. Now that you're here, let's go eat pizza."

"Are you sure you're sick? You have a big appetite for a sick person."

"I eat to cope. Let's go."

"Only because you're sick."

He remembers you all the time.

Even when he's on vlive.

He likes to talk about you.

"Someone asked 'how's your sister?' to me."

"She's fine and healthy, thanks for asking."

"She actually was sick a couple of days ago."

"Thankfully she recovered pretty quickly."

"That brat got me worried, I flew back home as soon as I heard the news."

"And only to find her chilling in front of the TV."

When he's with the members, he still likes to talk about you.

"Y/n just finished another semester."

"Wow, that's great! I'll call her and congratulate her."

"No need, Jimin. I'll deliver your message to her."

"Why not? She's not busy or anything, right?"

"She might be sleeping, though."

"It's funny how she likes to sleep, just like you."

"It's because a genius brain requires more energy."

"So she's smart?"

"I'm her brother, of course she's smart."

"Interesting."

"Yes. It's interesting how she's way out of your league."

"Stop being so overprotective. She's already in college and probably meets a lot of people."

"True. But I told her not to date anyone until she's at least 30."

"Isn't that too cruel?"

"Nope. She's my baby sister and will stay that way forever."

When you have a fight with him, he holds your hand.

It's a technique he knows can calm the both of you down.

(And he uses it when he has conflicts with the members, too)

"Where have you been? It's midnight, Y/n."

"Out."

"With whom?"

"Friends, of course."

"I told you not to go out too late. What if something happens?"

"Nothing happened, Yoongi. Look! I'm perfectly fine and at home right now."

"Still! There are a lot of bad guys trying to get girls like you."

"I can keep myself safe, thank you."

"No you can't! You're just a girl."

"I'm a woman, for fuck's sake! Stop treating me like I'm a baby."

"Y/n, hold my hand."

"What?"

"Just hold my hand. I'm sorry, okay. I don't treat you like a baby. I'm just scared something bad happens to you."

"I'm sorry, too. I don't mean to lash out on you."

"Next time just tell me if you're going home late, okay?"

"Okay."

He never tells you how much he cares about you.

But you still know from the way he treats you.

He buys you your favorite food when you're PMS-ing.

He sits beside you quietly when you're sad, waiting for you to tell him your problems.

And when you start telling him everything, he's not even once interrupting you.

But if you're not ready to tell him, he'll just leave quietly after patting your back a bit.

When you're happy, he's also all smiles.

He buys you little gifts on your important days.

Like your birthdays, graduations,

Or even when you passed the exam week,

Or when you're alone on Valentine's day (partially because of his no-dating-before-30 rule).

Basically, you're his little princess and he doesn't want it to change. Ever.

Masterlist | Join/Leave Taglist

[no-fxn-club]

I will always love oceans and frank iero’s solo projects because a friend of mine made a playlist for me and that song was in it and made me start liking him.

I will always have a place for palaye Royale in my heart because despite someone who wrecked me as a person introduced me to them, they helped me meet an amazing friend.

I will always love one twenty one pilots song because a friend years ago told me it had me vibes and now another friend told me to listen to it and a third friend loves the band.

I will always love having my hair bright red because it makes me think of a friend I can’t talk to anymore bc she was so excited when I talked about doing it.

I will always love Emily by my chemical romance because a friend told me to listen to it first when i got into them bc it was her name.

I will always love cowprint and sometimes get stuff in it because growing up my nana had lots of cow stuff and one of my best friends loved cows.

I will always remember an anime because one of my friends said I should watch it and watched the first two episodes with me.

I will always smile when I remember Halloween bc despite being scared shitless, one of my friends calmed me down for the first time in since he had been trying when I’d panic.

I will always want to fight frank iero because when I say I want to punch him one of my friends would laugh and remember a fanfic she had read where he did get punched.

I will always smile when I hear warrant because a friend has a platonic crush on the lead singer and when I mention it she will send me a picture of him.

I will always love Totoro because when I was having an anxiety attack and my boyfriend ignored me, a person who I didn’t know and became my friend sent me fanart if it x palaye Royale to help calm me down.

I will always still have a soft spot for night changes by one direction and best song ever by them because my childhood best friend and I would belt them out and hush each other on the guy we liked part in night changes.

I will forever love hot chelle rae’s whatever because it feels like nostalgia and summer and was my first cds to own.

I will always say appetite for destruction is my favorite Guns N’ Roses album because a friend got me the record of it for Christmas.

I will always love polaroids because some of my best memories are caught in them.

I will always feel happy in Walmart parking lots because I remember goofing off there and laughing my ass off in one.

I will always remember in late nights in my dark bedroom the time I almost had my first kiss from my best friend.

I will always tell my friend he looks like gerard way because he knows it’s my way of telling him I love him and joking with him.

I will always love ray toro because he makes me smile and was my first music I found on my own.

I will always love 80’s hair bands because that was my music when I first tried to build myself back up.

I will always smile seeing F1 and some of the drivers because despite that I still hardly know anything about it, I listened to a friend talk about it for the first of quarantine last year because they love it.

I will always be happy to see the gentleman’s guide to vice and virtue because they make me happy and remind me of a friend.

I will always think of Vince Neil as a blond Barbie doll become of an edit a friend made.

I will always love getting down with the germs because it was also in a playlist from my friend.

I will always think Kobra Kid and Fun Ghoul are badass killjoys because of two of my friends.

I will always love pency prep because a friend told me to listen to it first when I wanted to listen to frank’s solo stuff and I fell in love with it.

I will always smile when she’s the prettiest girl at the party comes on because my friend said she liked it once.

I will always get excited about Taylor swift despite liking a song of her and not being a fan because two of my friends are in love with her.

I will always smile when I get best friend that has doja cat in it stuck in my head because one of my friends sang it in the comments of an insta post to hype me up and he sings it so loud when it plays and we’re together.

I will always say symptoms of being a human is my favorite book because it’s what made me realize I wasn’t cis.

I will always feel a little pain and a lot of memories when I listen to let it enfold you by senses fail because that band and the lead singer was my first love and the first band I found during a bad time in my life and what kept me going back then.

I will always laugh when I remember saying I didn’t like emo bands when I was a teenager and my friend liked them and now I listen to those same bands and scream the lyrics out so loudly.

I will always smile even if I’m crying when I listen to Achilles come down because someone I love and care about told me to listen to it and I fell in love with the song.

And I will always love frank iero because his music makes me remember my cousin despite that he would have never listened to frank and the music he listened to was deeply different because that was my comfort when I lost him and didn’t get to say goodbye to him.

I’ve lost myself and been destroyed so many times that the people I know have been the only reason I’m built back to who I am and I will always love you guys.

[purplesurveys]

1027

Have you ever had a teacher hit on you? Have you ever hit on a teacher? That’s just cringey. No, I’m glad none of the teachers I ever had did this to me.

Do you tend to eat more on Halloween, Thanksgiving, or Christmas? As far as I know Halloween was never one of those holidays where families go all out and prepare a feast, and we don’t have Thanksgiving over here; which leaves only one option.

Three more days until what? Work again.

Do you know what an 'AMV' is? No but this just reminds me of vehicles because there’s ATVs and there’s also the DMV in the US hahaha. I’m sure this has got nothing to do with cars though.

Trigger warning? Maybe? Idk if it counts.

Who do you not like more: your dentist, your eye doctor, or your doctor? [slight trigger warning] I don’t have a regular any-of-these. The only doctor I ever hated was the one who took my physical exam before I was permitted to enroll in my university, because she had such a negative vibe and just looked like she hated her job. She also went ahead and touched my breasts to check for abnormal bumps - which, as a doctor, I understand is a part of her job, but I would’ve appreciated if she asked permission first. But nope, slid her hand underneath my shirt before I could even realize what was going on.

Why do/don't you like cats? Because they never seemed to like me.

What is your favorite music artist's hair like? Beyoncé’s hair has been brown for most of her career and she’ll either style it in curls, make it wavy, or have it straightened. Hayley’s hair has gone through the entire rainbow.

Do you like Crayola or Rose Art better? Crayola. Rose Art is a joke.

What is your favorite type of dog? Anything that isn’t a chihuahua or pug. Actually pugs are a little ok, since they’re chill. Chihuahuas are the ones I honestly just cannot stand.

Have you ever considered making videos for YouTube? Yessssssss, just never gotten around to it.

What is your favorite type of nut? Hazelnut when it comes to desserts or drinks, but I've never actually tried hazelnuts. My favorite nut to eat is pistachio.

What would you do if it snowed right now? Message everyone I know saying that it’s snowing and take a bunch of photos. It doesn’t snow here, so it would literally be a historical event.

Where would you move, if you would move anywhere? Chicago.

Do you like it when people touch your hair? Sure.

Do you think you have a sad life? For now it kind of is, but I also don’t want to deny the few ups that I’m getting to enjoy, like my job that I genuinely love. It’s the one thing saving me from completely going into a downward spiral, so I’m grateful for it because it’s actually saving my life atm.

Lets say someone calls you at 3 AM and you're sleeping, what do you say? If it’s an unknown number, it’s getting rejected. But as long as I recognize the caller, I’m picking the phone up and answering like normal.

If it was a text would you ignore it or reply? It would depend on how groggy I am. 

Do you know anyone who DOESN’T like the POTC movies? It’s not that I dislike the series; I’ve just never been interested in seeing them. Pirates were never really my thing.

What's one award show you have to watch every year? I don’t necessarily have to *watch* the Oscars, but I have always kept track of the winners every year, at least since 2013 or 2014.

What is the last five words you've said out loud? No idea. I’ve been alone for a few hours and haven’t really spoken since.

What subject do you just not get at all? Calculus. How did I even pass that class?

How often do you go shopping just for fun? Used to be once every 1-2 weeks, but I obviously haven’t been able to follow this schedule.

When did you start wearing makeup, if you even do? I started experimenting in high school but it didn’t last long.

What's the show that you can't miss a week of? It used to be The Walking Dead, but I stopped following once they started killing off every character I originally watched the show for.

On that note, what's the worst show on television? I never liked MTV’s shows, like Teen Wolf or Scream.

Who do you like more: the Batman or the Joker? No preference.

How many songs are on your iPod/MP3 player? I had a peak of around 300-400 songs maybe? when I was still using my iPod.

Current book/s you're reading? Not reading anything.

How would you go about making a peach color with paints? I’d probably just buy peach paint, if that’s what I wanted. < lol same, but if I had limited resources I’d look for red, white, and maybe a light orange?

Why do some people like stuffed animals? They’re a comforting presence.

What's your favorite Panic At The Disco album? A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out. < Easy. Vices & Virtues is a very, very close second.

Do you ever feel like no haircut suits your face? Sometimes.

Best time of the day? Evening.

[weakizumi]

tagged by @realanimeboy !

Top 7 albums! https://top7albums.com/

1) Suck It and See by The Arctic Monkeys:

I got introduced to this band through MM but this albums got songs that make me feel things, specially the titular song. Love is a laserquest and Piledriver Waltz are also favorites. AM follows closely second. Also the first vinyl i bought for my victrola!

2) The Black Parade by MCR:

If you’ve followed/known me for a long time then you know i’m an ex emo but I still hold so much love for MCR. The Black Parade was the album that introduced me to them and it brings me back to my edgier times where i thought i was oppressed for being an emo.

3) Don’t Panic: It’s Longer Now! by All Time Low:

Don’t Panic came out when I was graduating high school and there was a song about the hardships of growing up and having to live as an adult once u say goodbye to the halls and the classes which really resonated with me at the time. I do like the “It’s Longer Now!” Version of Don’t Panic because there were more songs and one of the really sad ones i discovered during the time of a heavy breakup lol. It’s just this album is like looking back at your high school yearbook to me.

4) Vices and Virtues by P!ATD:

There is not a single moment in the album where i am not sing screaming at the top of my lungs. Also my favorite song from this album (and probably all of patd) happens to only be a japanese album bonus track acsgsghsdh. I feel like this album just marks the end of an era for patd before they went to sound more mainstream and has a bit more of ryan ross in it.

5) [xx] by LOONA:

When i discovered LOONA i found out they were actually coming out with this album lol. In fact they were releasing trailers for Butterfly and it was actually exciting and the song SLAPS. LOONA is already set on being diverse and represent girls from everywhere. But the video for Butterfly made me emotional lol. So it’s mostly because of Butterfly but every other song in the album slaps. I’ve said Butterfly like 25 times now.

6) Dying Is Your Latest Fashion by Escape the Fate:

Baby’s first emo album just happened to be etf’s debut album lol. As an edgy 14 year old (that was 11 years ago wow) I ADORED their sound and my most favorite ETF songs to this day are from this album. Post-radke etf has some bangers and fir does too but. Nothing will ever sound like Dying is Your Latest Fashion.

7) Sweetener by Ariana Grande:

I know thats a whole 180 from the emo music but. This album was focused on mental health and romance and i, a mentally ill person who started dating someone at the time the album came out, am weak. TYN is good too but Sweetener holds that emotional value of falling in love. Also god is a woman is in it.

I tag @plastidecor @mildcurry @naoto @escavalier @clownfvcker @dripcrust

[simonrriley]

no, this is a barnes and noble dumbass.

THIS IS MY 1000TH POST. HELL YEAH.

yuh i’m finally writing this is some weird shit. hopefully i do this more often cause, i like doing it i just lack everything to do it. also i didn’t proofread this cause fuck it, y’know? anyway: i’m having them go to my show, because,,,shut up. i miss it. my au, my rules. davey has a mini van and every single newsie is gay. tags: @luv-ya-hun​, @and-shes-calling-a-cab​, @crutchie-mcrris​ warnings: swearing

JANUARY 13TH, 4:00 PM. 3 HOURS BEFORE ARENA DOORS OPEN. Crutchie paced in front of the door, staring down at his phone. “C’mon, c’mon Davey, any minute now...” he muttered, glancing up from his phone to look out the window. They had to get to the arena soon if they wanted to avoid traffic, get to their seats and get merch before the show. It wasn’t that long of a ride into Manchester, but it was long enough. Which was why they needed to leave NOW.

His phone dinged and a familiar horn honked outside. A sigh of relief escaped him as he grabbed his small backpack and ran out the door, letting it slam shut behind him. He hadn’t locked it but he wasn’t too worried about it. Jack would be home in an hour and he could deal with it. All Crutchie needed to deal with was getting to the arena and having the best night ever. He’d been saving for these tickets ever since the tour was mentioned. He had wanted to go years before but he never had enough to go see them. But for the past few years, he slowly convinced his friends to like Panic! At The Disco and now they were seeing them together. “Heya Davey,” he greeted as he pulled open the passenger side door and sat down. “Are you ready?” he asked, clicking his seatbelt in while Davey pulled out of his driveway and headed down the road. “Sure,” Davey sighed, his head hanging slightly low. It had taken nearly a year of begging and puppy dog eyes but it worked, Crutchie had convinced Davey to come with him. Davey, unfortunately, didn’t like Panic! At The Disco and would rather live with Albert and Race than see them live. Crutchie’s reasoning for bringing Davey was that they needed a cameraman and they needed someone who wouldn’t get them killed driving. Jack was originally the first option but he had to take another shift at the bar and couldn’t come. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, Crutchie turned away from the window and looked over at Davey. “Who else do we need to pick up? And more importantly, how long is this gonna take? The doors open at seven! SEVEN! It takes an hour to get there and with everyone else in this car it might just be longer!” He exclaimed, tensing up against his seat. “Calm down, Crutchie. We’re about to pick up Katherine. Next on the list is Spot, Race and Hotshot and those idiots are spending the afternoon together or something. It’ll be quick. I promise,” he assured him as the car slowed in front of a rather nice two-story house. The dull red front door burst open and Katherine came running out to the car, dressed almost completely in merch. Crutchie smiled at her shirt; it was an old piece of merch. Since Katherine had gotten into the fandom recently, she wasn’t able to get merch for her favorite album, Vices and Virtues. So, the two of them spent an entire Saturday scanning Ebay, Poshmark and whatever other store they could find for old merch. They found the perfect shirt at around ten pm and celebrated with going to bed. “Let’s go!” Katherine shouted, almost immediately after the car door shut. She chose her spot to be right in the middle, leaning onto the console so she could talk to both of the boys. Her smile was wide and one of her legs was bouncing up and down. She might’ve been more excited than Crutchie. Davey started driving once more and talking with Katherine. While that happened, Crutchie stared out the window. It’s not like he wasn’t interested in their conversation, he just didn’t have the energy. He was too worried about getting to the venue on time to participate in the conversation. Before the three of them knew it, they had pulled up to Spot’s house and Katherine was rolling down the back window. She leaned her head out of the car and cupped her hands around her mouth before yelling: “Hey dumbasses! Let’s get gay and get going NOW so we can feel Brendon Urie breathe! And if you don’t get out here in the next few minutes I’ll come in there and break your shit!” Almost as quickly as those words came out, the three boys did too, merch on and respective pride flags flowing like capes behind them. Spot and Hotshot beat Race to the car, which surprised everyone already in the car until they saw Race in the driveway fixing his untied shoe. Race pulled open the door to see everyone already settled in their seats and no room for him. “Get in the back row loser,” Hotshot said, pointing to the third row behind him which caused Race to frown dramatically and climb over Katherine to reach the empty row.

“Is this everybody?” Crutchie piped up, turning around to look over everyone behind him. “Yep,” they all replied in unison. “Davey pass the AUX, please. This our night and you have no say in any of this.” Crutchie held his hand out to the boy beside him, still turned around in his seat.

Once he felt the rubber cord in his hand, he turned back around and plugged it into his phone. “Listen guys, Albert dared me to not listen to a single song that was on the setlist until after the concert. And I’m not giving up anytime soon. So, underrated bops time!” he called before pressing play on his playlist. Within seconds, the entire car, except for Davey, was screaming the words. “OH DON’T YOU WONDER WHEN THE LIGHT BEGINS TO FADE? AND THE CLOCK JUST MAKES THE COLORS TURN TO GRAY?” Suddenly, the car pulled into a lot and stopped. “Are we here?” “No, this is a Barnes and Noble, dumbass,” Spot said, shaking his head with a chuckle. “Oh.” Crutchie cut in. “Then why did we stop?” “Two reasons. One: we have two hours to kill. Two: I’m guessing y’all are hungry and I’m not letting you guys pay for expensive arena food,” Davey replied, unbuckling his seatbelt and hopping out of the car. The others followed, leaving most of their belongings in the car. The six of them wandered around for a while before meeting back up at the small cafe part of the store. Spot and Katherine were already seated with Katherine reading a Twenty One Pilots edition of Rocksound and Spot scrolling through his phone with his feet on what was supposed to be Race’s chair. Race was resting his arms on the top of the chair and eating a muffin. Crutchie pulled up another chair as he scanned the aisles below them for any sign of the other two. He could see Hotshot browsing the magazines, probably looking for his own edition of Rocksound. Davey, however, vanished. The mystery of where Davey had gone was quickly solved as about five minutes later, the taller boy came up the stairs and joined the others at the table. “Somehow, not a single issue of Rocksound here covers Panic! At The Disco. Said they’re all out of stock. I tried, guys,” he sighed, sitting back in his chair. Katherine smiled, looking up from her magazine. “Aww, thank you for looking, Davey. That’s really sweet of you!” The five of them talked for a while, Hotshot showing up halfway through their stay with a coffee and a random book. “Guys! It’s 6:35!” Crutchie yelled, almost knocking his chair over as he stood up. “Grab your shit!” That was all that was said before Crutchie took off, Race immediately following after him, determined to get a better seat than before. The six friends piled into Davey’s van minutes later and took off down the road, getting honked at by a few cars who didn’t understand how important it was they got there fast. JANUARY 13TH, 7:09 PM The doors have opened. Thirty minutes of loud singing and near death experiences later (don’t ask), Davey’s van pulled into a parking space outside of the arena guided by a few workers. Spot, Race, Hotshot and Davey climbed out while Crutchie and Katherine seemed to take their time. “Hey, Crutchie?” Katherine asked as the two stepped out. Her hands were fumbling around in her bag, looking for something. A minute later, a lesbian flag appeared, folded up in her hands. Slowly, she held it up and let go of the folds, letting it unfold before her, the bottom barely scraping the pavement. “Can you help me tie this?” Crutchie quickly nodded, grabbing the flag from her hands and walking behind her. Gently, he laid it on her shoulders and then tied the ends around her neck. Loose enough so she wouldn’t struggle to breathe but tight enough so it wouldn’t come undone. “Now that I’ve helped you, can you tie mine?” Crutchie asked, pulling a very folded up pan flag from his jean pocket. “Of course! Come here!” A minute or two later, the two walked up to the venue, smiling widely. After passing through security, they were greeted by the others who were waiting. Other fans pushed past them, trying to get to their seats. “There you two are! Can we please get to our seats now?” Spot asked, surprisingly excited for the concert. Everyone knew Spot liked Panic! but nobody expected him to be super excited or fanboying over them. The car ride to the venue changed that though. “Yeah, yeah. Let’s go,” Davey replied, grabbing Race and pulling him along. They slowly counted the numbers above the entrances until they found theirs and headed down the stairs. “WAIT-- we have floor seats?!” Spot exclaimed. Crutchie couldn’t help but laugh. The Spot Conlon fanboying over seats and a band. Of course, there wasn’t anything wrong with that. He was allowed to have interests. But it was a great and hilarious sight. “Yes, I’ve been saving for years. This is going to be the best night of our lives, of course we have great seats!” Crutchie replied, pushing past Davey and leading them down to their seats. The entire stage was in a triangle shape, their symbol. Their seats were on the left side, closer to the stage so they could actually see onto the stage. “We made it!” JANUARY 13TH, 8:55 PM Openers have finished, the clock is counting down. The five stood, watching the arena light up with phone flashlights while hundreds of voices sang along to Africa. If someone had told Crutchie that in two years he’d be crying to Africa at a Panic! At The Disco concert, he would’ve smacked them. But there he was, clinging to Katherine and sobbing. It wasn’t much but to him it was powerful, a whole arena unified by a single interest and joining together for a single song. There would never be another moment like that. He’d never have something like this again. Sure, there’d be another concert, maybe even another Panic! concert, but it would never be exactly the same. The timer on the stage, which only Davey could really see, read 4:59. 4 minutes and 59 seconds until the man who saved him back in middle school would be in front of him, performing songs that kept him going. JANUARY 13TH, 8:59 PM One minute left. The crowd begins chanting and counting down. “Ten!” “Nine!” “Eight!” “Seven!” “Six!” “Five!” “Four!” “Three!” “Two!” “One!” Screams erupt as the arena darkens, a few pale blue spotlights focus on the stage as platforms rise up, the elegant sound of strings following it. “Ode to the old, and to the new, we rededicate this song to you…” Confetti blasts, stretching over the group’s head and falling into the crowd as music blasts.The small display screens built into the stage burst with color. “FUCK A! SILVER LINING!” Surprisingly, Crutchie was screaming FUCK the loudest out of the group. Even Davey looked over at him, his eyes wide. He shrugged it off and continued singing along. Time passed quickly, unfortunately for Crutchie before he knew it, Brendon and his white, flying piano were landing near the stage. It landed half on the stage and right next to the others. Crutchie and Spot both reached out, desperate for at least a handshake. And they got it. A scream came from both boys as their hands were shaken by Brendon before he stepped off the platform and onto the stage. “Holy shit!” Katherine shouted. “You lucky bitches!” A familiar sound then hit Crutchie’s ears. It was the instrumentals to a great, great song. “Guys! Take off your flags!” Spot shouted, fumbling with his own pride flag that was tied around his neck, causing the others to do the same. The screens lit up with every color, the lights above the stage copying them. “AND NEVER DID I THINK THAT I, WOULD BE CAUGHT IN THE WAY YOU GOT ME. PUSH ANOTHER GIRL ASIDE AND JUST GIVE IN…” “GIRLS LOVE GIRLS AND BOYS.” As the chorus kicked in, the group began throwing their flags towards the stage with all their strength. And as the song continued, one by one, they got picked up and draped around Brendon’s neck. Nearly silent screams were exchanged between the group. This was amazing. The best night ever. Although they didn’t say it, it was obvious they felt as though it was a dream. One they hoped would never end. Sadly, the night began to come to an end. The final lines of Victorious rang out through the arena as confetti filled the void it left behind. As the band left the stage and the lights flicked back on, Crutchie felt his heart sink slightly. The best night had ended. Dropping to his knees, he tried to ignore it as he joined the others in scooping up as much confetti as possible and shoving it into their pockets to be sorted into small jars later. The group followed the crowd out into the cold night air, hands all intertwined. Crutchie stared down at the golden piece of confetti in his hands. It had shot out right at the start and he had grabbed it. He twirled it around, trying to still feel the rush of that moment and every moment that followed after that. He was never going to forget this. “Tonight we are victorious, champagne pouring over us. All my friends we’re glorious, tonight we are victorious.”

[valerianka-97]

Twisted, tangled, wicked, sick.

... That is how I felt when I actually finished that article. Heaven help me...

The 12th of July is the beginning of a new era for gothic rock trio from Massachusetts - PVRIS.

Last Friday the band introduced to the world their debut single "Death Of Me" from an upcoming third album. They also released a thrilling music video for the song.

New sound, same energy.

Death Of Me was supposed to be a new rock hit but surprisingly turned out to be the dance hit instead. Many fans were confused, some were in panic that the band switched to another genre, others were slightly shocked. But everyone agreed that the song with the video alongside are something out of this world.

Evolution of sound isn't surprising, the frontwoman Lynn Gunn is known to collaborate with pop and dance artists such as Seven Lions, TBMA and some others, so the electronics that fully replased live instruments is something we could see coming.

Anyways, the band is staying true to themselves, judging by the themes and overall vibe of their new song.

Death Of Me definitely has strong old-PVRIS vibes: the lyrics are still dark and sinister and the video is moody and ominous.

In the song Lynn tells us the story of obsessive love. Obsessive, passionate and dangerous love. Or dedication. It's still a mystery whether she's referring to her love relationship or to something else. Gunn likes to hide things in plane sight, so her love life would've been too easy to refer. The song kinda reminds me of Florence & The machine's Pure Feeling, in which Florence Welch speaks about her dedication to fans and vice versa. The metaphor fits just right to that theory.

Let's speak straightforward here, fans are the best promotion machine of any artist. We can suffocate or let them breath, we can literally be the death of them, because fans are the ones who put an artist on a pedestal and fans can kick them back down. It also reminds me of something else. Something more important and global. But I will leave that thoughts for later in the article.

The music video here is another story but also is an adding to that theory. I'll talk about it more below.

First, let's take a closer look at all the mysteries in the vid.

The biblical theme is the one we notice first of all, it's very simple, and there is a reason of that obviousness. While fans are building logical connections with the first visual metaphor of the seduction of Eve by the devil in a snake's appearance with the song lyrics and then enjoying passionate sequences and the cult initiation, the most interesting metaphors are carefully hidden. The devil is in the details, guys.

The storyline of the video is built on hidden metaphors. Some of them may or may not be intentional, maybe I just built logical connections where there is none but you surely will find my observations interesting.

The seduction and the forbidden fruit are not the only symbols from the Bible. We can see the new members of cult going through initiation. But have you noticed that all of them are of different races? There are black people, asians and white people. It got to me when I wondered about the symbolism of the pyramid formed by the cultists with our trio in the heart of it - which is also may be symbolic and may represent the three ascendants of Noah (or is it too complicated? It may be unintentional). Here we've got the Tower of Babel metaphor.

Next on - the red aquarium. I've already said in a comment section for the video on YouTube that aquarium represents the falling of Adam and Eve from heaven. It's a small piece but key one, keep that in mind.

Now, remember the line in the song "I'm falling, fading, and seeing angels". This line is not just the reference to Demon Limbs. Everyone has noticed that the band made a colorful music video. And the colors in it were not chosen randomly. The band and everyone in the sequence dressed in white instead of classical culty black wearing. Knowing of the falling from heaven metaphor in the video and connecting it to the line from the song we've got our "angels" Lynn talks about. And that's not all of it.

The Tower of Babel in the Bible is known to represent a kind of an act of rebellion against God. The whole cult sequense symbolizes that at some point. The initiation almost completely recreates the holy communion. This, overall, may represent the creation of the alternative religion as a counterweight to the original one and creating their own kind of heaven on Earth, which for some may look more like hell. But that's, my friends, is parallax. Another reference to song lyrics.

And my favorite metaphor, which is also pretty simple but hidden in plain sight. The whole song with its dark, seductive, even erotic, at some poin, vibes is a hint, not to count pretty obvious visualisations in the video.

Lust. The most pleasant one of all deadly sins. Tangled bodies moving rhythmically to the heartbeat and everyone's in rapture. Passionate, isn't it? I mentioned hell lately on purpose. "One man's hell is another's God, it's all about perspective, a parallax". Lynn Gunn surely knows how to play with words and the visuals.

The storyline starts at the actual end of the music video. Why not the snake sequence? You may ask. In fact, it all begun with a snake and an apple, right?

Like I've said, the colors chosen for the video are not accidental. Red color symbolizes not only passion but also hell. And it is known that Eve was in heaven at the moment of seduction. Which led me to conclusion where the story actually begins. And the pyramid sequence is an actual end (which is to be continued).

The ones, who were fallen and forbidden to come back to heaven gardens for they've sinned, united and built their own garden on Earth and they rule it like God rules heavens.

They've sinned at God's perspective, yet they see it as holy communion from theirs.

Now let's come back to my theory of the song's meaning. Why I think it may be about the fans and something more global.

The first time I've watched and listened to the music video, it kinda reminded me of Britney Spears. Let me explain this absurd. Britney's fame became hell for her in mid-2000's. We all remember that.

That's one piece.

In 2011 Spears released a music video for the song Till The World Ends.

The sequences in that video at some point are repeated in Death Of Me: it caught my attention the second I've seen tangled bodies in a rhytmic movement. In Britney's video the storyline's mostly situated underground, where everyone is dying of the hell of a heat, and the colors in both videos are similar, also the dance-y vibe in the darkness of the underground kinda the same. That's the piece no2.

And the dance with a snake was Britney's most iconic performance back in 200(5?). That's the 3rd one.

Not only the music video led me here. Lynn's "You're a cold-blooded killer only after dark but I don't mind" also reminded me of Britney's song Criminal.

Yes, that all may be just coincidence, because "why the fck Britney Spears? Nothin' in common".

And that's when the song lyrics come up and make sense of all of it. Again, the line about hell in perspective, the line about a noose around Lynn's neck or a poison, the line about danger. I've thought about Britney Spears because she is the best example of what the pressure of huge responsibility for fanbase and fame in general can do to people. Break them, suffocate and be the death of them.

We know that coincidences are not accidental, not with PVRIS. Lynn's metaphors have always been much deeper than it has seemed, so I guess that's a good and well argumented theory.

And don't you think that it's finished. There's more.

Death Of Me also wasn't chosen to be the debut single by accident. From all written above, the song is a perfect metaphor itself for the band's prevous album. All We Know Of Heaven, All We Need Of Hell. Which makes it a great bridge between what we already know and what is soon to be released. My guess is we're about to find out more about heaven and get something else from hell.

I've done pretty heavy work in analyzing everything, and trust me, it was hell. But I enjoyed every hour of it. Twisted, huh?

P. S. While writing a draft to the article I couldn't decide whose name to place in a metaphor with the snake, so at first I wrote "devil's seduction of Eve/Lynn" and accidentally found this strange reference. EVELYNN. Two names, Eve and Lynn, in one Evelynn. And Lynn as Eve in the video. And Evelynn short names are both Eve and Lynn.. Damn, I confused it even more.

Update:

My brain almost exploded yesterday while writing all this. The article is so loaded with information, so I desided not to mention some symbols. Today, as I had a good night of sleep (after very brutal insomnia issues) I realized that the analysis can't be completed without those little details.

The names puzzle above is one of them but I mannaged to put it somehow anyway.

There are several more things to say about symbolism though. One of the them is obvious and everyone noticed it from the start but not everyone is aware of the meaning of that metaphor.

Not all of us know how to read tarot cards, me included. The representation of a tarot card "Three of Swords" - the knives Lynn, Brian and Alex pierced an apple with.

The card's meaning is a heartbreak, sorrow, grief, pain caused by someone's words or actions. It also has a meaning of emotional release and a reminder that the dark clouds building above your head will disappear and take the pain away with it.

The scene of stabbing the apple by the trio most likely symbolizes their expression of that pain and releasing it the moment the apple is pierced.

There is also a colorful symbol which is not that easy to acknowledge but is also put right in front of our sight. I had this thought since the first time I watched the video but didn't bring much attention to it. I came back to it after looking in to flowers handbook.

The flowers on the table in the music video are white lenagolds. Why lenagolds? Why not roses or lilies?

The christian legends say that lenagolds turned up on Earth with the walking of messiah. The Mother's tears that fallen when Jesus carried his cross turned into lenagolds.

Basic meaning of lenagolds is love and devotion. The definition of white lenagolds is sincerity and purity of feelings, loyalty, gratitude and luck.

Note that the flowers laying on the cult's joint table, which also may symbolize the band's devotion and love for the fanbase.

There is another hidden symbol I noticed but didn't manage to solve. Maybe some of you have thoughts on that?

When the cultists stand in two rows facing one another, at first I thought they carried flowers, this scene was really glimpse, so I played it in slow motion. They carried busts.

Not sure what that means, because I can't see whose busts there are, what I'm sure of is that this scene is related to a short shot of a woman's head with bloody tear streaking. Maybe that also reffers to that legend with lenagolds?

Anyways, thank you for reading! I hope you made it down here and I didn't waste your time

If you liked it, please reblog. Would be much appreciated!

[jayascorner]

lights part 1

tyler joseph x reader

•

•

•

touring with many bands was the best thing that could ever happen to you. being a professional photographer made it so fun traveling around the world with many artists. especially if it’s your favorite artist or band. you’ve gotten to tour with panic! at the disco, fall out boy, twenty one pilots, my chemical romance when they were still together, and many more.

you recently got to go back on tour with twenty one pilots again, for their newest album. they know you fairly well, and vice versa.

[now this is just background information, let’s get to the story]

you’re meeting them at an airport, because they’re first stop is Nashville, Tennessee, conveniently where you live.

you arrive at the airport, kinda nervous since these guys are super popular and successful. i mean, you know them so it shouldn’t be that nerve racking.

they don’t show up for another 30 minutes, so you have some time to think this through.

ok. so i’ll say, “hey! long time no see! i mean if you remember me.” eww no that’s just cringy.

maybe.. “hi tyler and josh! wow it’s been so long i almost didn’t recognize you there.” nOPE no no no. what if they haven’t changed?

i could go like, “hey guys. i’m so sorry about the death of your grandfather, tyler.” okay no. we’re getting too personal here.

alright at this point ima just stick with improvising. yeah... watch me make a fool out of myself. ok now i’m nervous. this is gonna be-

“y/n l/n. that’s you right?”

oh there they are... shoot what do i say?

*i’m thinking....i’m thinking....*

oh yes time to put on my acting skills.

“uhhh yeah? who are you guys?” you ask, trying your best to sound bewildered by random people knowing your name.

“wha- you know who we are.” tyler says.

“maybe it’s been so long i didn’t recognize y’all... twenty one pilots right?” you start to ponder out loud, obviously acting.

josh laughs. “i think you should be an actor.”

“yeah, you got me. i was kidding.” you say.

tyler shoots josh a look of ‘how’d you do that?’

“what?” josh whispers.

“never mind.” tyler shakes his head.

you take some time to think of what to say next.

“so how have y’all been?”

they both take a seat at your bench.

tyler sighs. “oh y’know, i’ve been better. i had a pretty rough morning.”

“why?” you ask, growing more and more curious about his morning.

“well actually, he just hates getting up that early. he’s not used to it.” josh chimes in.

“yeah and i didn’t get my coffee.” he crosses his arms.

“now that sucks.” i point a finger in the air.

it really does.

josh laughs. “you don’t drink coffee, tyler.”

“oh you’re right! i don’t drink coffee.” tyler announces. josh just looks at him and facepalms.

“sorry y/n. he does this when he sees pretty girls.”

tyler laughs sarcastically.

“shut up josh.”

oh shoot he’s right. i’m pretty? he never acted like that last time...

~~time skeep

since you’re the one who drove out there to get them, you have to drive them to their bus.

“nice ride you got here.” tyler says as you hop in the driver seat of your jeep.

“thanks. any of y’all wanna sit in the passenger seat? or y’all good back there?”

“yeah we’re good.” josh replies.

they buckle up in the back, since nobody wants to neglect anyone alone in the backseat.

you guys get to catch up on your lives a little bit on the ride back, and you realize how much you’ve missed touring with them. they’re really cool dudes to be around. this is going to be an exciting 8 months. you thought to yourself. although tyler didn’t seem as talkative....

“is this it?” you ask, driving up to one of the tour buses in the area.

“yeah.” josh says. you guys hop out of the jeep.

you all get settled, and unpack your bags.

“this is by far, the nicest tour bus i’ve ever seen.” you say, astonished at how high quality it is.

“comes from the best.” tyler adds.

“yeah i can see that.”

since there’s really nothing to do, and it’s about an hour past one, you ask them if they want to eat.

“sure.” josh says.

“yeah i’m starving. is there a taco bell around here?” tyler asks, while the two of them look at you, knowing that you live here.

“well yeah, but there aren’t around this specific place.” you announce.

tyler purses his lips.

“how long?”

“oh i dunno,” you wave your hand in the air. “maybe half an hour.”

“i mean, i can go with you. tyler will wait here.” josh suggests.

“ok i guess that would work. what about you, tyler?” you ask him, to make sure he’s okay with that.

he shrugs, but then says sure.

“okay then, we’re gonna go now.”

~~~~

“so what does tyler eat here?”

josh shrugged, “anything, really. he loves all of their food. he wrote a whole saga about this place.”

oh. so he’s that person...

“oh so i’ll just call him.” you state to yourself.

you pull in to the driveway of the chain restaurants, and when you guys get to where taco bell is supposed to be, it’s as if it’s under reconstruction.

you stop the car.

“well crap.”

josh sighs. “yeah tyler’s gonna be pissed.”

you turn over to josh, “so...plan B?”

“yeah.”

you drive by in the nearest parking lot and park in one of the slots.

you pull out your phone from one of the cup holders.

“what’s tyler’s phone number?”

“you wanna contact him?” josh asks.

“well yeah, i’m gonna make a quick phone call.” you say.

he recites tyler’s phone number and you type it on your keypad.

ringggg

ringggggggg

ri-

“this is tyler joseph.”

“oh good josh gave me the right number.”

“who is this?”

“a complete stranger that found josh dun in a parking lot.”

josh chuckles at that.

“no seriously who is this?” he asks once more.

“it’s y/n.” you say with a eye roll.

“oh ok, can i have a cheesy gord-“

“no i’m not taking your order, taco bell’s under reconstruction.”

“oh great.” he mutters under his breath.

“do you like chipotle?” you ask, hoping his answer is yes.

“sure, y’all can get that instead. but just know, i’m suing.”

“no, tyler you’re not suing.”

“well i can because i’m-“

“nuh-uh just because you’re tyler joseph, does not mean you can sue taco bell.” you interrupt him.

“alright, mom.” he says jokingly.

“i ain’t ‘cho mom.” and with that, you hang up.

josh laughs a bit. “it’s a good thing you hung up, because he could’ve said something else.”

...what?

“what might that have been?” you ask, totally not having any idea as to what he’s hinting at.

“i don’t think i would like to specify.” he adds, as you turn around to drive out to chipotle.

“is it bad?”

he stays silent for a few seconds.

“no it’s not bad.....actually yeah it’s pretty bad.”

“oh. oh i think i know.” you say, once you get the idea. “is it the opposite of mom?”

“yeah.” he says with some guilt.

“oh that’s terrible. i thought he had a girlfriend.”

“no, actually he hasn’t had one since...geez i have no idea.” he chuckles.

“it’s been that long huh? that’s surprising. he’s kinda cute.”

he doesn’t say anything, so you guys sit there in silence for the rest of the drive.

you arrive at chipotle, since it was only a couple miles away.

“so what does he eat here?” you ask.

he tells you what tyler likes so you get an idea of what will satisfy him. after walking in the doors and fighting the line, it’s finally your turn to order.

“good afternoon, what would you like to start off with?” one of the employees says.

“hi, i would like a bowl, and a burrito as well because i’m ordering for someone else.”

“sure thing ma’am. would you like rice?” he recites, well used to taking people’s orders.

“yes please.”

“brown or white?”

“uh...” you look at josh for any preference. he mouths ‘white’.

“white please.” you smile friendly.

“alright, ma’am. now do you want the same for your bowl?”

“actually i’ll have brown rice in the bowl, thank you.” you say as politely as possible.

“now what would you like, ma’am?” he asks again.

“uh may i have some chicken in the bowl and in the burrito as well?”

he nods and does exactly what you asked.

“and some black beans in the bowl, and pinto in the burrito.”

“yes ma’am.”

“extra pico with red chili salsa in the burrito , and guac in the bowl. and also lettuce and extra cheese in both.” you finish.

the employee is finishing your order while you wait for the rest. josh is almost done with his while you get to the cashier with the food.

“would you like a drink with this, ma’am?” the lady asks.

“yes please, may i have a water and a soft drink?”

she hands you the cups, and you say thank you.

she gives you the total and then you pay.

after a few moments she gives you the card back. “thank you ma’am, have a nice day!”

“thank you so much! you too.”

you grab the food and the cups and head to the soda dispenser.

josh follows a little bit after.

“too bad there isn’t any red bull.” he says, jokingly.

you laugh, “yeah, what should we get him?”

“maybe a coke or something.”

“ok cool.”

once everything is settled you leave and get back to the jeep.

to be continued...

[ladyofpurple]

answer all of the questions!!

holy SHIT ok bless you omg

(sorry it's a full day late i took this shit SERIOUSLY. don't ask me how many hours this took, i was in A Mood™️ last night. removed the ones already answered xoxo)

angel; have you ever been in love?

yeah. didn't end too well, but i loved him.

petal; favorite novel and author?

this is like asking me to pick a favorite child. i guess favorite author would be stephen king, if only based entirely on the sheer quantity of his books i own alone. favorite book would probably be special topics in calamity physics by marisha pessl, and i'm only saying that because it's been my go-to response for years. i have lots of favorite books. ask me again in five minutes and i'll give you another one.

honey perfume; favorite perfume/scent?

freshly made coffee. lilacs. jasmine. cut grass. the ground after it rains. chocolate chip cookies in the oven. cigarette smoke on skin. my mom's shampoo. my grandma. my dog when he's just had a bath. thanksgiving dinner. acrylic paint on canvas. sawdust. that one cologne i can't name but can smell on a guy from a mile away. mulled cranberry and apple juice. vanilla. coconut. fresh laundry. peppermint.

sweet pea; what’s your zodiac?

virgo sun, pisces moon, scorpio rising ✨

softie; talk about your sexuality.

i'm biromantic asexual, primarily attracted to men more than women (but have had too many crushes on girls to consider myself het), generally sex repulsed when it comes to the thought of having it myself. i prefer to call myself queer in passing conversation, it's easier than explaining asexuality and the differences between sexual and romantic attraction. if someone asks more specifically, i'll usually just call myself bi for simplicity's sake, even though the ace part is a much more important (to me) part of my identity. monogamous as fuck.

i'm still struggling with internalized homophobia and a lot of "am i even queer enough" thoughts, which is super fun. took me a long time to even consider the fact that i might like girls at all. i'll probably never come out to my parents. not that they'd, like, disown me or whatever, but they're juuuuust homophobic/transphobic enough that my few attempts to educate them when they say something A Little Yikes have shown me that i should probably just stay in the closet unless i absolutely have to come out. like i'm getting married to a woman or something.

sugarplum; what’s the color of your eyes and hair?

i usually say my eyes are green because it's easier, and they mostly are, but i have rings of greyish blue around the irises and sometimes they're more hazel in the middle. they always have a green tint to them though, even if the intensity of the green varies.

my natural hair is brown, a little on the darker and slightly ashy side of completely generic. currently a former blonde, although i'm hoping to bleach my fucking YEAR of growout soon, and then go some crazy color as a last hurrah before i have to go dark again. being broke fucking sucks.

wings; coffee or tea?

tea!! black tea. chai, to be specific, with an irresponsible amount of milk and sugar. chai lattes are a fucking drug okay? coffee makes me sick (not a judgement, a literal fact. last time i tried some i threw up).

fairytale; are you a cat or dog person?

cat!! but my family has a chihuahua named sonny and you can pry that little monster from my cold dead hands ok i will fight you.

snowflake; favorite time period?

okay, i wrote and rewrote my answer to this about 10 times. then i tried to divide it up into categories (aesthetics, history, fashion, vibes, geographical location, etc), but that didn't help. so basically: i don't have one, because i have too many.

i like the american 20s-60s for the aesthetic, music/movies, and the fashion. i also like the european 1600s-1800s for the interesting history and also vibe. i love the french and russian revolutions — the fashion! the art! the wars and political upheaval! I FUCKING LOVE HISTORY. then, of course, we can't forget the rennaisance. or the witch trials (pick your continent). and ancient greece? the roman empire? hello?? did i mention empires? how bout we mosy on over to south america — can i interest you in the mayans? incans? aztecs? what about china and japan? korea? vietnam? and don't even get me fucking STARTED on the black plague.

ancient egypt? sign me the FUCK UP. vikings? yes please. the celts? oh boy. the MYTHOLOGY. the ARCHITECTURE. the LANGUAGES and POLITICS and LITERATURE and REVOLUTIONS and GOD HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE BETWEEN ANY OF THESE

i uh. might have gotten a little excited. basically i like history a lot. and mythology. and linguistics. and cultural practices. and the politics and prejudices behind wars and stuff. and learning in general. moving on.

vanilla; do you believe in ghosts?

let's put it this way: i don't not believe in ghosts??

listen. we don't know jack shit. we don't know what happens after we die, there are constant scientific revelations that turn our understanding of the universe completely upside-down, and there is literally no way to know which religions or myths or urban legends could have some grain of truth to them. like, dude, i've literally thought i was haunted before. psychology is bananas and the universe is infinite.

demons could be real. ghosts could be real. what if we just haven't invented the necessary technology to prove it yet? what if we never do, and they just fuck around alongside us, moving furniture and making shadow puppets on the walls just for kicks until the earth explodes? what if that one tumblr post was right and ghosts are actually real people from alternate universes or timelines that we see accidentally bc some cosmic wires got crossed? who fucking knows.

i love horror movies and scary stories and ghost hunter shows just as much as the next gal. but listen. psychics? mediums? people who accept every single creepypasta retold third-hand from their neighbor's kid's classmate's second cousin who "totally knows a guy"? doubt.jpeg

i don't understand the sheer amount of assumptions made willy-nilly about the nature of ghosts and demons and things that go bump in the night. the assumption that "oh this machine that totally doesn't look like a coathanger taped to a walkman will work because ghosts have this temperature and can always communicate like this and are electromagnetic" or whatever just baffles me. to a certain degree, following a general consensus is one thing — some basic things everyone can agree on? that's cool. ghosts can walk through walls and are probably dead people or whatever. but oh my god, taking every single story as absolute, undeniable proof?? taking these stories and expanding on them to infer intentions and scientific facts to something that by it's very nature is unknowable and assuming, like, every spirit is created equal?? and yeah, ghost hunting shows are fun and campy and kinda creepy but like. you really, genuinely don't think any of them have ever faked anything at all??? even if ghosts are real, it's fucking reality tv, my dude. it's the entertainment industry. at least maintain the slightest ounce of critical thought before taking zak bagans' word as the goddamn gospel.

and sidenote, maybe it's just my limited exposure as a white woman in the western world, but of all the shows and podcasts and movies and documentaries and whatnot i've been able to find and consume, there's the constant use of christian ideology applied to every situation that just really burns my bacon. what, there's never been an atheist ghost? if you see a shadow person and you don't know the lord's prayer by heart, are you automatically fucked? why are there never stories about, i don't know, viking ghosts? does your religion in life preclude you from becoming a ghost in the first place? is that why people never mention buddhist ghosts? i don't get it, and that's why even though i'm self-admittedly the most superstitious person i've ever met, true believers make me roll my eyes so hard they almost fall out. makes me come across as more skeptical than i theoretically am. I HAVE VERY STRONG FEELINGS ABOUT THIS OK

but like, you couldn't pay me to fuck with a ouija board. i'm not stupid.

delicate; diamonds or pearls?

both have their appeal and their place, but diamonds, i guess. i like the sparkle. but fake ones!! or synthetic. diamonds are overpriced and artificial scarcity is a scam and i don't need a dumb rock that some poor person in a mine somewhere was exploited and possibly died for. no blood diamonds in this house, thank you very much.

if i ever get engaged, i don't want a diamond ring. i'd want something cool, a little unusual, like a ruby or a sapphire or some other sparkly gem that isn't literally shoved in your face every waking moment as the expected standard symbol of True Love. they're cheaper, they're cool-looking, as a ring they still hold the cultural symbolism of an engagement/wedding ring. and honestly, as long as it's well-made and durable, whatever hypothetical gem it is doesn't have to be real either. i'm a woman of simple needs and demonstrably low standards. no point in going into debt for a fucking piece of jewelry, regardless of ~tradition~.

lavender dream; favorite album?

oh lord. welcome to the black parade, i guess. or anything by panic! at the disco. there are dozens of possible options — my interests are mercurial and my memory is garbage. but i'll always be an emo little shit. black parade and vices and virtues were also the first two albums i ever listened to where i loved every single song on them, and i happened to listen to them for the first time at around the same point in my life (i got into mcr super late. like, 2012 late. rip).

silky; what’s your biggest dream?

it's cheesy but i guess i just want stability and, by extension, happiness. emotional stability, mental stability, financial stability, stable living situation, stable routines, stable relationships... you get the idea. i have ambitions and passions, of course, but my ultimate goal is happiness at this point in my life, and i'm pretty sure stabilizing all those things would go a pretty long way in achieving that goal.

a little apartment with walls i can paint because white walls make me angry. bookshelves and posters and fandom merch on every wall. a computer i can actually play games on again, and somewhere i can paint and draw and record my podcasts. someone who loves me, maybe. a cat, if i'm stable enough. space for people to come visit me, and a place for them to sleep if they need. a tiny balcony, if i really want to shoot for the stars. a job i don't hate. the spoons to hang out with my friends, and the money to not worry about buying little presents for the people i care about sometimes. i don't need much.

strawberry kiss; do you have a crush right now?

nope.

glitter; favorite fictional character?

another loaded question. like books, if you ask me again in five minutes i'll probably give you a different answer. but in this particular moment, caleb and jester from critical role (please don't make me choose between them). i won't go full shipping mode rn, but jester is so funny and silly and sweet, so much more complex than she seems, and she tries so hard to make everyone happy even when she's so sad inside. the healer who treats healing as an inconvenience in battle (she's so fucking valid and also mood), the glue that keeps the party together. and caleb learning to trust again, facing his trauma and coming out of his shell. he loves his friends so much he plays wizard as a support class and i love him so much.

i love the mighty nein in general, of course, and all the guests/honorary members they've had. pumat!! pls don't be evil reani!! keg!! shakäste and grand duchess anastasia!! cali!! kiri!!!! the brotps! empire siblings! chaos crew! nott the best detective agency! i still love molly and all his assholery to bits (fight me), and mourn his lost potential. i adore yasha, even when she's gone; fjord has grown so much; beau and nott and caduceus — i love all their flaws and disagreements and their character arcs and the excitement of watching them grow and learn. but if i had to choose, caleb, jester and molly have always been my top 3 since day 1 and, well, molly isn't really an option anymore.

but like i said, ask me again in a minute. i have a fucking list.

swan; share a quote or passage that means something to you.

a collection of things off the top of my head:

Elinor agreed to it all, for she did not think he deserved the compliment of rational opposition. — Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen

a tired feminist Mood™️

"What I say is, a town isn't a town without a bookstore. It may call itself a town, but unless it's got a bookstore, it knows it's not foolin' a soul." — American Gods, Neil Gaiman

i got my love of books from my grandma — some of my favorites i got from her. sometimes, as a treat, she used to take my sister and i to bookstores and we'd stay there for ages, getting to pick one out, roaming the shelves, the mental torture of having to choose. the peace of being surrounded by thousands of potential worlds, so much information, so many stories just waiting to be told; being surrounded by strangers who share that same wonder. the anxious drive home so we could read them, being unable to wait that long so i inevitably start reading in the car and make myself sick. telling her in excited detail all my favorite parts. if we were lucky, maybe we got to split a bear claw, or she'd drive past starbucks and get us something there too (tall vanilla soy steamer with one pump of vanilla syrup, whipped cream on top that always melted too quickly and squirted out the hole in the lid, so hot it burned my tongue but so good i didn't care). i have never felt more at home than i do when i'm surrounded by books.

"There are a lot of different types of freedom. We talk about freedom the same way we talk about art, like it was a statement of quality rather than a description. “Art” doesn’t mean good or bad. Art just means art. It can be terrible and still be art. Freedom can be good or bad, too. There can be terrible freedom. You freed me, and I didn’t ask you to." — Alice Isn't Dead, season 1, chapter 2: Alice

as cringey as it is to admit it, this line made me cry a lot after my breakup.

"So you aren't American?" asked Shadow.

"Nobody's American," said Wednesday. "Not originally. That's my point." — American Gods, Neil Gaiman

[side-eyes white america real hard]

there's more, of course. there's always more. don't even get me started on song lyrics, we'll be here all day.

lace; what’s your favorite plant/flower?

lilacs and roses.

mermaid; do you prefer the forest or the ocean? why?

both, i guess. but in different ways, and in different circumstances.

the sea is wild. it is endless and deep and unknowable. it is beautiful and dangerous. i am terrified of the ocean, and yet my favorite place in the world is an empty beach on the oregon coast. i have picked sand from between my toes for days with hair crusted in salt, danced around bonfires and watched the stars while marshmallows burn, gotten pulled under the waves as a child and nearly swept out to sea. picked starfish and crabs from small pools in the rocks, and swum (accidentally) with wild sea lions. in a long skirt, too early in the year to be swimming, i once took off my shoes and waded fully clothed into the water to my waist and just... danced. splashed and kicked and laughed with a boy i barely knew until our throats were sore and our toes were numb, walking home hours later with our soaked clothes clinging to our legs, shoes squelching, dripping algae as we went. the ocean is freeing and overwhelming all at once. i love it and am petrified by it in equal measure.

the forest is beautiful in a different way. it is silent and dense and serene. you are surrounded by life and yet, somehow, completely alone. there is magic in the forest, and history, and even when all else dies, that will remain. the trees grow from the corpses of their ancestors, and some have lived dozens of our lifetimes — with luck, a few dozen more. it is quiet there, peaceful, even the tiniest wood in the middle of a city muffling the outside world through the trees. you can feel the ancient ways deep in your soul as you follow winding paths strewn with fallen leaves, the mystery and wonder and superstitions of your forefathers. you wonder what it would be like, to run your fingers over the moss, to take off your shoes and socks and just run, leaping and dancing over rocks and roots, hair wild and air filling your lungs in deep, pure gulps as you shed the responsibilities and struggles of modern life, for just a moment remembering what freedom tastes like. it is primal, this connection to nature, one we have nearly forgotten over time. and as the sky grows dark and the silence of night presses against you, shadows looming, every footfall deafening, perhaps you begin to understand why some believed in monsters.

honeymoon; do you keep a journal?

i used to. honestly, that's a good idea, i should start doing that again. lord knows i have enough empty journal-type books.

starlight; do you believe in love at first sight and soulmates? why/why not?

i want to. i want to believe there's someone out there for me, the love of my life, someone to whom i'll be the love of their life, and that when i meet them i'll just... know.

but when i met my ex, i didn't really look twice at him for a while — no love at first sight. and when we were together, when i loved him and he swore he loved me back, i thought he hung the stars in the sky and knew i would marry him someday. couldn't even consider the idea that that wouldn't happen. and then when he broke up with me, he ghosted me so suddenly and thoroughly that he even preemptively cut contact with every single one of our mutual friends he thought might side with me in the breakup, before anybody even knew we'd had a fight. so, not soulmates either.

i really want to believe that someday the perfect romance will just fall into place and i can have the happily ever after i've always dreamed of. but the reality is i might never even have another s.o. for the rest of my life. maybe i'll get hit by a car tomorrow, or my hypothetical soulmate moves to argentina to become an alpaca farmer on a mountain somewhere and we never even meet. maybe i'm so traumatized by the betrayal and lies that i'll never have the courage to even try again.

and even so, happily ever after doesn't have to include a fairytale romance, regardless of whether i want it or not. i still like to cling to that hope though, deep down.

princess; what do you value most in people?

i'm going to assume you mean "real people" as in people i have positive relationships with, and not random strangers on the street.

loyalty. kindness. support. humor. similar values. patience. being able to grow together and teach each other things, so we can make each other better. honesty. trust. compassion. confidence. emotional vulnerability. communication. intelligence, or at least a willingness to learn. strength.

[istgimamess]

Label: sm entertainment

Stage name: bella (because you're beautiful~)

Debut year: 2015 (3 yrs active)

Debut concept: aggressive bubblegum synth, dance heavy, vocal heavy, bright, pop!

Number of members: 4

Group name: strawberry jam (sj)

Fandom name: jammers

Position: main vocal, visual, dance line

Male bestie: Jongin (EXO)

How you meet: you are a hard worker, always putting your best foot forward, giving it your all; putting all your effort into anything you do! Which is such a great quality, you're told! Lord knows, you've benefited from that personality trait thousands of times, mostly in your career and personal relationships! However, alot of the time, it tends to have a negative effect! Mainly on your health! You put so much effort into whatever you're working on at the moment: new choreography, new music etc. that you tend to neglect your personal health! This lands you in the hospital alot; its not ideal, but you can't complain, your doctor is probably your favorite! Which is where you end up meeting (*cough*...fighting with) Jongin! You had a really important public appearance coming up, a couple of variety shows and another comeback all scheduled within a weeks time; and you knew your health wasn't at its prime, so you were basically in mental panic mode! You were hoping to get in and out of your check up as fast as possible, because you had things to do! Long story short, that wasn't happening! You ended up sticking your head in to the doctors office, to confront the patient before you! Which happened to be Jongin! "Hi! Yeah, sorry! Could you, I don't know, hurry up!? I've aged quite drastically since being here.." "He's my doctor and I was here first!" "Yeah, well he likes me better!" After a few more minutes of back and forth, a kindergarten-like tantrum and some overdramatic whining on both of your parts, you were left by your very flustered doctor to "..Work things out!.." You quickly end up bonding over your mutual lack of priority when it comes to your health, your whiney childlike mannerisms when you're sick or hungry and a love for the theater! He ends up becoming one of your best friends and you're almost always together! You're both quite determined and hardworking, both tending to over work yourselves and this is usually the cause for most of your fights: scolding eachother for not prioritizing your health! He ends up worrying about your health more than he does his, and vice versa! But you're constantly supporting eachother in anything you pursue! "Jongin, I heard Bella from Strawberry Jam is your best friend, is that true!?" "Yeah, she's my best friend!" "Cool! I also heard she is the biggest EXO supporter, is that right!?" "Yes, she is! I made a joke the other day about her leaving music to work for EXO and help us promote our new album!" "Really!? What did she say!?" "It was so funny, she took the album and walked over to the street corner and just stood there like this...(^ gif ^)..I couldn't stop laughing!" Your friendship is really goals!

Female bestie: Jennie (Blackpink)

How you meet: you love singing and you love theatrics but sometimes you feel like dancing and choreography, in general, can be very confusing and frustrating! So you decided to take some dance classes on the side, for some extra practice! That's how you meet Jennie, through a friend of a friend! One day after class, you accidently trip over her bag and take her down in a mess of legs, elbows and sweat! "Oh my god- I'm so sorry!...Ouch! Sorry! Yikes- are you okay!?" "Yes, of course! I'm clearly living the dream!" "Oh, well...glad I could help you do that then..." you stared at eachother for a few beats of silence, still sprawled out on the floor, and then busted out laughing! You ended up attached at the hip! It's an inside joke that you were split at birth and that you're actually twins; that's how similar your personalities are and your sense of humor! You're both really sarcastic and it's 100x worse when you're together! The fans love it! And despite how goofy and silly you both are when you're together, everyone can tell you both care about eachother immensely! You're always supporting eachother and you're always both genuinely happy for eachothers successes! She calls herself your "only fan!" And she lives up to that name! "Jennie! Did you hear yet!? Strawberry Jams song 'Pink' has hit the Billboard charts!" "..(^ gif ^)..What!? Seriously!?! I have to call Bella!!..." Such a cute friendship!

Group bestie: NCT OT18

How you meet: this probably, most definitely was the weirdest encounter you've ever had! You love to skateboard; you wouldn't say you're that great at it, I mean, you're no Tony hawk! But it is a hobby of yours! And when you have a stressful, busy day, full of dance practices and studio visits- you like to sneak out in the middle of the night, when the streets are empty, go down to the local park and skate to de-stress a bit! It's kind of like your secret rendezvous self-care session! Not even your group members know about it! The park, Seoul in general, is usually dead with no soul in sight at this time of night! Which is why you're so startled when one second you're minding your own business, practicing an inward heel flip and the next second you're surrounded by a bunch of guys who look like they've just stepped straight out of an Avril Lavigne MV! It startles you so much you trip backwards over your board and land flat on your back! You say about every curse word in every language you know, on the way down! "Oh my god! I told you we would scare her!" "If anybody scared her, it was you with that stupid pedo face!" "That's so rude! Taeyong, tell him that was rude!" "I mean..I did tell you to shave this morning.." "Yeah, you kind of look like an asian yeti.." "Or a pedophile, definitely a pedophile.." "Seriously?! Is this attack necessary!?? I mean-" "Umm, so sorry, pedi-yeti and friends..could you possibly, I don't know...help me up!?" They ended up hauling you up and bombarding you with questions left and right! Questions about your skateboard, questions about your skating technique etc etc. The more they asked, the more you answered and the more you answered, the more they asked! It was pretty much down hill from there! But it's all good, they quickly became some of your biggest supporters and closest friends! They always cheer for you the loudest at award shows! And sometimes, Taeyong or Ten, will send you little videos and clips (with the funniest captions) they filmed, on the down low, of the rest of the members singing and dancing to your music, unaware the were being filmed! "..[Bella, your music is hurting innocent bystanders! RIP Jeno]..(^ gif ^).." They're such a mess and it's the cutest!

Boyfriend: Taehyung (BTS)

Ship name(s): tella, bae couple, baehyung

How you meet: the way you 'officially' meet is kind of funny! And the time and location is a bit obscure! Anytime someone asks him when and where you met, he says Italy in June! You say it was definitely paris, late July! Both of you would be right and wrong! You love traveling and any time you have the opportunity, you jump on it! This is no secret! You first noticed him in Paris, he first noticed you in Italy, you both noticed eachother in Chicago! By the time you ended up back in the Incheon International Airport - you were 98.7% positive you had picked up a stalker abroad! "Are you following me!?" "I was going to ask you the same thing!" "Well I asked you first, so answer!" "I don't take demands from potential stalkers!" Some threats to call the police and a couple defensive hand gestures later, you eventually both settled on fate being the reason you've bumped into eachother over and over again! As cheesy as it might sound! You quickly bond over your artistic and creative sides, and a strong love for traveling and then there is no going back! He's one of your biggest supporters and you both often credit eachother as being an inspiration and muse! You eventually, after realizing how important and serious your relationship was becoming, went public! You figured your close friends and family would be the most supportive, and they were, but in actuality it was the fans that became your biggest supporters! "Tae-oppa!! Over here!! Taehyung-oppa!! You and Bella-unnie are the cutest couple ever!! I will always support you!!" "...(^ gif ^)..." It's so heartwarming!

Biggest fan: your biggest fan is probably Junhoe from IKON! He's always covering your songs, he even covers the songs you cover! He says it's only because he wants to prove he can harmonize with you, always calling you out in interviews hoping to get the chance to meet you and collaborate! "Bella from Strawberry Jam is my favorite! She has the best voice, even better than me! And she has good taste in music, I would love to collaborate with her if given the chance!" He's always showing support for your comebacks as well and even your solo projects; watching every drama and CF you do and streaming your music, constantly singing along with you at the top of his lungs! He's a dedicated and loyal fan and he's pretty loud and proud about it! So much, that it's even a running joke in his group that he would leave the rest of the members for even just a chance to perform with you! Well, it's a joke to them! Him, not so much! "Junhoe! I heard that you're a huge fan of Bella from Strawberry Jam, is that true!?" "Yes! She is my favorite singer!" "Oh really!? I heard that you would leave IKON without a second thought, if she ever wanted to perform with you!" "Yes, I would! In a heartbeat!" "What the-...you answered that so fast! You would really leave us, huh!?" "Yep!.." "...(^ gif ^)..." It's pretty funny!

Scandal: it's really no secret you have been trying to break out into the acting industry for a while, and make that cross over from idol to actress - auditioning and taking acting classes and workshops in your spare time! It's also no secret that you're good long time friends with Jaebum from GOT7! You've know eachother since before your debut and he's one of your closest friends, almost family! He's always helping you practice and reading scripts with you to help prepare you for auditions, giving you advice and direction on characters! So it's really not shocking when dispatch comes out with photographs of you two, on multiple days, coming out of your apartment and/or restaurants! What is a bit shocking is the headlines that are attached to those photos! "Strawberry Jams Bella and GOT7s Jaebum! Are they together!?" "Does GOT7s Jaebum have a sweet tooth for Strawberry Jam!? New couple alert!" It's ridiculous! "Are they serious!? A sweet tooth!? Who is writing this mush!?" "What I don't understand is how they got us mixed up!? I mean, I'm clearly the more desirable one in this relationship.." "Are you trying to make me throw up, or does that just come naturally when looking at your face?" "I'm a masterpiece and you are blessed to be in my presence.." What a dork!

Other activities: it's no secret you live for the dramatics, and the theatre is almost like your second home! So when SM suggested you audition for a couple of upcoming dramas, you jumped on the opportunity! And it was the best thing you could've possibly done! You ended up, not only booking a role, but booking a lead! You got to act along Seo Kang Joon (^ gif ^) who is the sweetest and most talented! You made new life long friends, won a couple of awards and gained a whole new following! Sure, they made you dye your hair a darker shade a red and teased you a bit on set about your sense of humor, but it was totally worth it! "It was so fun! And the hair color choice is actually kind of growing on me!" "Oh really!? Quickly, say that again into the camera! In 10 years when you're bald, I want proof that you were once satisfied..." "JB, I will literally push you off of this rooftop..." You didn't, but you were close to it!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

@suchqt here is your idol ship~ thanks so much for the request and I hope you like it! 😅 Let me know what you think!

[cardboard-moon]

40 Things You Never Wanted To Know About Me

You probably already know me decently well or else you wouldn’t be reading this, so instead of rehashing the basic (boring) “getting to know me” questions I dug a little deeper and asked myself about what’s really important. Here is the result: 40 Things You Never Wanted To Know About Me. Enjoy!

1. What Parks and Rec character am I?

While I could argue for almost everyone on the show I’m probably most like Ben Wyatt: a white, brunette, and sad man who eats soup alone on a park bench (minus his love of math and rollerskate kink)

2: Top 5 books?

To Kill a Mockingbird, The Secret History, A Prayer for Owen Meany, The Help, 11/22/63

3: Top 5 movies?

Chinatown, Star Wars, Rear Window, National Treasure (nick cage can be good in small doses ok) and Nancy Drew (2007)

4: Top 5 shows?

Parks and Rec, B99, That 70′s Show, Mad Men, Arrested Development

5: Top 10 most iconic vines?

1) Chris is that a weed/Mary is that a police

2) Hi My Name is Trey I have A Basketball Game Tomorrow

3) Rebecca It’s Not What You Think

4) The one where the girl is just hitting elmo with a baseball bat

5) Anything Kermit but esp. the one where he falls off the building

6) You Know This Boy Got His Free Taco

7) 2 Bros Chillin in the Hot Tub

8) Waelcom to my Keeetchen we have bananis and avocadis

9) Whoever Threw That Paper Your Mom’s A Hoe

10) i spilled lipstick in your valentino bag (yOU SPILLED WHAHULAUG LIPSTICK IN MY VALENTINE WHITE BAG)

6: Where do I see myself in 21 years?

One of my dreams in life is to marry the heir to a prestigious winery out in wine country. I have a vision of myself at 39, waking up at 10 AM on a tuesday and standing on my private balcony in my state-of-the-art spanish stucco villa. i am drinking a chardonnay despite the early hour whilst i observe my grape empire in my silk negligee. the only event planned for the day is a portrait sitting for my rottweilers (4 of them), for which i have arranged spaces in the family’s private art gallery. i am aging well despite the harsh california sun and my partner and i have a trip to tuscany planned for the fall. it’s a charmed life and i never tire of eating grapes  

7: Top 5 favorite cryptids

1) Nessie (Nessie is a true lady I believe in her)

2) Mothman (not real)/ el chupacabra (possibly real)

3) the kraken (definitely real)

4) Bigfoot (not real but a legend anyways)

5) the yeti (real only in russia)

8: Do I Believe in Ghosts

It’s a complicated topic and of course we will likely never know for sure but the short answer is yes. in my opinion though, what ghosts are is the important question: are they really the dead coming back to haunt the earth? are they just manifestations of energy that the mind interprets into recognizable shapes? hallucinations? or is it wish fulfillment and the reduction of tensions on a heavy conscience? our brains are capable of powerful things, but it begs the question as to whether if a human desperately wants something to be true does the human mind have the power to make it true? c. s. lewis mentioned once that he never understood the ghost debate since, given that ghosts are real, they have no real power over us or anything interesting to say. but i believe that just goes to show how the mystery is far often more important than the solution.

9: Best/Worst Month of the Year

Best: May/November (spring/fall in full swing, holidays, time off school, great atmosphere) Worst: August (too dang hot & start of school)

10: What is one of my embarrassing secrets

I didn’t learn how to tie my shoes until I was nine (velcro ftw)

11: What is my Dream Date

We go cryptid hunting in the woods and have a picnic in the dark; you supply dogs for entertainment and guardianship purposes, i supply drinks and the cryptozoological myths we are chasing. Afterwards we get gelato

12: Top 3 Presidents

(this is based solely on arbitrary opinion not policies) 1) Barry Obama 2) Lincoln  3) Millard Fillmore (his name is funny) 

Honorable mention: jimmy carter (he was the only noncorrupt man in office for like 30 years before barry)

13: Top 3 Vice Presidents

1) John Adams, if nothing else but for the drama this man caused 2) Walter Mondale 3) the big boy JB 

Honorable Mention: Nichard Rixon

14: Top 3 Secretaries of State

1) Madeline Albright 2) Henry Clay 3) Elihu P. Washburn 

(note: secretaries of state have the funniest names, like Hamilton Fish (1869-1877) rest easy Mr. Fish)

15: Worst Activity they make you do in middle school PE

Middle school P.E. is the worst in general but I’m going to say either grading you on your shotput skills (?) or BMI (??) or just the tuesday run in general (luther kids know)

16: Top 4 Worst Scents

1) Washing a knife covered in peanut butter 2) Really cheap perfume that they sell in checkout lines at convenience stores 3) Olives 4) organic deodorant

17: Top 7 Conspiracy Theories

1) The Denver Airport is an underground military fallout shelter designed to protect the 1% from nuclear warfare

2) A Roman pope adjusted the Gregorian calendar so that his reign would fall on 1000 AD so we’re actually living in the year 1783

3) Paul McCartney is dead and was replaced prior to the Seargant Pepper album by a lookalike named Billy Shears

4) The state of Wyoming is a myth

5) Avril Lavigne died and was replaced back in the early 00’s

6) The Titanic sank because too many people went back in time to prevent it from sinking

7) Not to be cliche George Bush and the military-industrial complex orchestrated the 9/11 attacks (jet fuel can’t melt steel beams and all that)

18: Inside jokes with myself

I’m not usually a “gamer” but every year without fail someone introduces me to a game exactly at finals time and I get hooked and it ruins my gpa and study habits. This year it’s Stardew Valley, last year it was Dream Daddy and the year before that it was undertale and I blame Jojo for absolutely all of it bc they are usually the instigator. Anyway, every year I joke with myself about what game will derail my grades this year

19: Top 5 Worst Tactile Sensations

1) Putting tights or leggings on wet, hairy legs post-shower

2) Running fingernails along cardboard

3) Sweating in a turtleneck

4) Having wet, salty hair after swimming that drips down onto your back and makes the top of your shirt damp

5) Reaching into a bag of grapes and only finding really soft, slimy ones

20: Best Cat I’ve ever encountered

One time my friend and I were leaving Romancing the Bean and walking back to her car and the fattest, fluffiest, softest ginger cat I’ve ever seen came trotting up to us and flopped over at our feet. He was such a good boy!!! And so friendly with strangers!! He was very well groomed and just wanted some love, and whenever we stopped petting him he would jump up onto our legs and leave little wet paw prints everywhere, I wanted to kidnap him

21: Best dog I’ve ever encountered

All of them

22: Best squirrel I’ve ever encountered

My dad has befriended a squirrel named Nutty that likes to sneak into his office when the door’s open and steals peanuts. if the door is closed he’ll bang on it and scream until we acknowledge him

23: If I were a furry what would my fursona be

I do not know because I am not a furry. HOWEVER someone who is well-versed in furry matters told me once that I would be one of those long, nervous dogs like a greyhound maybe and tbh I could see it

24: Favorite/Least Favorite Disneyland Rides

My favorite has always been haunted mansion, except for the halloween season when it’s nightmare before christmas and then it’s thunder mountain. I just love the outside atmosphere of the house bc I’m a slut for that southern gothic architecture style. Worst is splash mountain because there’s no seatbelt and LOGICALLY i know I don’t need one but it doesn’t stop me from having a panic attack every time I get on and we go up the big hill as I worry about being flung from the toboggan across the park

25: Least favorite restaurant within 10 mile radius of my house

I live over by Porto’s so I am #blessed to be surrounded by some really dope food. However there is a hipster place a couple of blocks over in Toluca Lake that only serves bizarre food like fried chicken in maple syrup with waffle fries and it’s surprisingly bland, so the lack of taste combines with how expensive it is probably makes it the worst (it’s also forgettable bc I can’t even remember its name)

26: Rank of JBHS history department according to how good of a parent they would be

9.Mr. Bixler - I have never had this man so I can’t say shit. NA/10

8. Ms. Snowden - I’ve never had her either but I’ve heard enough about her between Burroughs and Luther to know that this woman is kind of scary, intimidating and uptight, all things I personally do not desire in a parent. 2/10

7. Mr. Hatch - I love Scott Hatch but he is a tremendous mess of a man. Judging by his wife’s instagram photos his idea of parenting is taking naps while cuddling his children and letting his wife do the rest of the hard work. Plus he seems like the type to be too wrapped up in his own melodrama and too busy hangin out with his best friend Edward Frankenbush playing Xbox to pay much attention to his kids. However, he did skip the first day of school to take his daughter to kindergarten so he gets points for that. 4/10

6. Mr. Lee - Mr. Lee is a very respectable guy who seems like he does a very good job providing for his family. He’s ranked as middle of the road because he’s a naturally private person so I can’t speak to his parenting tactics or personality much, however the few stories he shared about his daughter were very cute and he does the typical teacher/parent things like making her his screensaver on his computer. Overall, a very quality dad and man, 6.5/10

5. Mr. Fitz - Kyle Fitzgerald is similarly a mess of a man, but the difference between him and Scott Hatch is that he seems to make an investment in his kid. He always talks about current events in terms of what idiocy his poor daughter will have to put up with which shows his devotion to her well-being and survival in a confusing world. Also he brought her in to go swimming once while I was working at Verdugo and I got to see them having a great time on the splash pad and it warmed my heart. Great dad 7/10

4. Mr. Piper - Richard Piper is such a good father but in a detached way. He loves talking about his son and wife just as much as he loves talking about planes. The real kicker? When he talks about taking his son ON planes and geeking out over history together. He also asked all of his classes for people looking for tutoring work when his son was struggling in math which is so cute. Good guy Rick gets an 8/10.

2. (tie) Mr. Frankenbush and Ms. Hacker - Ed and Jan are both beautiful people. I know Ms. Hacker is #divisive but I personally am a big fan and would die to have her guidance in my daily life. She’s always interested in what’s going on in people’s lives and sure she’s definitely chaotic but it’s a loving chaos that’s only looking to help other people. I’ve not had the pleasure of having Mr. Frankenbush but he always is hanging out with his son Joey and they love coming to the Burroughs pool and playing water polo together; they spend a lot of time together since his wife works so much and they have such a buddy friendship. Both of these lovely people are super devoted and invested in the youth and would make great parents. 9/10

1. Mr. Clark - A god. We don’t deserve this man and I can’t sing his praises enough. Were were all lucky enough to be Greg’s children I don’t think evil would exist in the world. 11/10

27: Worst book I read for school

Hands down Tale of Two Cities since it’s the only one I’ve never finished. Dickens just doesn’t do it for me I guess plus I get really tired of the one dimensional characters and how much he romanticizes Lucy

28: Favorite little-known tidbit of history

When Richard Nixon went to Soviet Russia as Eisenhower’s VP during the cold war his secret service agents detected higher than usual amounts of radiation coming from Nixon’s hotel room, so they started talking loudly about it bc they knew the Soviets had planted buds and were listening. Within like an hour the radiation had vanished and they never heard anything about it again so man Soviet’s ain’t sly

29: 5 Places in Burbank That Are Definitely Haunted

1. Coral Cafe for obvious reasons, look up the ghost on youtube

2. The View seems like it would have some kind of el chupacabra-esque creature prowling around, maybe a mountain lion hybrid

3. Fry’s Electronics

4. The abandoned train station under the bridge

5. The LA river by the equestrian center

30: Rank of all the AP classes i took in order of entertainment value

9) AP Bio: I liked bio but the class wasn’t very entertaining. There’s not a lot of humor in bacteria and cells, and Mr. Van Loo is much more of a calming than a humorous and chaotic presence, so overall it takes the hit as the least entertaining class.

8) AP Stats: Math is similarly not very entertaining, but Mrs. Hollingshed’s erratic personality gives it the edge over Bio. Definitely more humorous than expected of a math class.

7) AP Econ: I bombed econ and business/money isn’t very entertaining but Jan Hacker made it so thanks to her chaos (love her though).

6) AP Euro: European history is incredibly iconic because, spoiler alert, Europeans are idiots and historically speaking everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. I just wish I remember it since I think idiot sophomore Lily slept through most of the class so needless to say I didn’t soak up much of the entertainment value. If it were up to me I’d take it over again and maybe stay awake this time.

5) AP Lit: Lit was just as much challenging and intimidating as it was entertaining, so it balances out. Mrs. Caluya is notably iconic and the books we read were all pretty interesting so it gets a high vote from me.

3) (tie) Gov/APUSH: History is always entertaining in my eyes since people do stupid things out of pettiness. These two tie for different reasons: Mr. Piper is a great teacher and that mock trial we did for the industrial age was great, but the subject was also extremely entertaining overall. I loved reading about how John Adams made making fun of him illegal. Gov was mostly just entertaining because of Mr. Hatch and how salty his is about the government. His sarcastic comments about how corrupt everything is gave life to an otherwise pretty lifeless subject.

2) AP Lang: aka the class with no curriculum, or the Kuglen Hour. I love Mr. Kuglen so much and he is responsible for 99% of the amusement in the class. I somehow learned how to be a better writer by listening to him complain about Trump and everything else under the sun for an hour every day so it was well worth it. Also who doesn’t like a class where you read Dave Sedaris for homework?

1) AP Psych: Without question, this is the epitome of entertainment. Psychology is just a mishmash of people trying to figure out why humans are as stupid as we are and why we do dumb things. Add in all the iconic psychologists and history and a class led by salty Mr. Hatch and you have a recipe for an entertaining year.

31: Top 5 Iconic JBHS teachers that I NEVER had (no particular order)

Mr. Peebles: A quirky man who I would have loved were I any good at math whatsoever

Mr. Arakelian: Band kids hate him but the stories I hear are so frickin iconic that I wish I could be an honorary band kid for a day and see the horror firsthand. If you have Arakelian stories please send them my way I’d love to hear about your pain

Mr. Frankenbush: A sad boi who everyone should get to experience and I regret never having.

Dr. Madooglu: He was so kind to me after the failed anti-trump lunchtime protest last year and he didn’t even know me. I wish I could’ve experienced him as a teacher.

Mr. Clark: The man, the myth, the legend

32: List of some iconic swim horror stories

Charlie breaking his hand after he lost a race and punched the gutter as hard as he could

Some idiot JV boys smearing poop all over the Burbank High locker room

The entire JV team getting Burroughs swim banned from Islands

Me almost passing out at the Los Amigos meet last year after I didn’t eat or sleep all day

Everyone always feigning illness or injury to get out of swimming the 4x100 relay

Getting in trouble for watching boys volleyball practice instead of doing the weight room sets

Every. Single. 5AM morning practice before school.

When coach martin finally figured out how periods work and suddenly we couldn’t use that as an excuse for not swimming anymore

33: What Office Character Would I Be

A mix between Angela, Oscar, and Kelly (we love our dramatic icons)

34: #1 Thing I’d Bring With Me to a Desert Island

Castaway for instructional purposes

35: What Would I call my memoir

Schadenfreude

36: 7 Best Buzzfeed Unsolved Episodes (no particular order)

This is one of my favorite shows so these are my recommendations:

1. 3 Horrifying Cases of Ghosts and Demons - one of the very first and best episodes; a 45-minute special where the Boys investigate the Winchester house in San Francisco, the Island of the Dolls in Mexico, and the Sallie House in Kansas

2. The Strange Disappearance of D. B. Cooper - A man going by the name of Dan Cooper hijacked a plane, demanded money and passage to Mexico, and then at some point jumped out of the plane and was never seen again. To this day no one knows his identity or his fate despite some of the ransom money turning up in a river somewhere.

3. The Haunted Halls of Waverly Hills Hospital - Ryan and Shane explore an abandoned asylum in Pennsylvania and some creepy stuff ensues. One of the best supernatural episodes

4. The Thrilling Gardner Museum Heist - An almost hilarious story (with reenactments!) about a seriously inept security guard and the loss of some of the world’s most beloved paintings. This was one of the first episodes after they started making money and the production quality is off the charts 

5. The Scandalous Murder of William Desmond Taylor - Another excellent reenactment story about one of Hollywood’s first and biggest scandals, the suspicious murder of a leading film producer.

6. The Enigmatic Death of the Isdal Woman - A woman’s body was found suspiciously burned in the European wilderness and no one knows who she is or how exactly she was killed. Watch if you like espionage!

7. The Strange Killing of Ken Rex McElroy - An entire town seemingly rose up to murder a douchey, violent pedophile. One of the only episodes that’s actually happy?

37: 6 Things I would Have Changed About High School

1. Definitely would have joined yearbook as soon as I could

2. Wouldn’t have forced myself to swim for all 4 years; if the passion’s gone then you shouldn’t force it. It’s just a sign that you need to move on to better things

3. I would’ve taken more AP’s and maybe tried another stem ap class. I’ve always been self-conscious about how bad I am at math, but I’ve gotten a little better over the years and instead of being too afraid to challenge myself I would’ve liked to see how I could do and prove myself.

4. Worrying less about grades!! I killed myself over my grades for like three years and then I just kind of let myself go. I would have let myself have who knows how many more hours of sleep and taken the L on a couple of assignments; I’m still learning that my health is more important than perfection.

5. Meeting the right people! I wouldn’t have restricted myself to a few friends and would have branched out more by joinng stuff like JSA. It sucks meeting the right people your senior year and realizing that I was hanging out with the wrong people this whole time.

6. Spanish instead of French.

38: What Would I Name My Farm Animals if I had A Farm

I’d definitely name them all after female Shakespearian characters. My cows would be Hippolyta and Titania from Midsummer, my horse would be Desdemona from Othello, my chickens would be Gonereil, Regan, and Cordelia from King Lear and my goat would be named Gertrude from Hamlet

39: Most Useless Talent I Have

I have a really strong internal clock so when I don’t think about it too hard and guess intuitively I can usually predict how much time has passed/what time it is without looking at a clock. It’s really only useful for estimating how much time I wasted standing in the shower staring at the wall

40: Top Regret After Writing This:

Writing this instead of studying for my econ test in seven hours.

Thanks for reading!

[weelittlewain]

Leader Of The Landslide

5.7.2020

I remember the last time I did cocaine. It was at my friend’s house and I was invited into a room hastily. I was not sure what was going on until they said, “Hey alleycat, I have some but don’t tell anyone because everyone will want some. You know how it goes.”

I keep doing it throughout the night and I feel guilty because I did not tell Kelly I was doing it. She had basically said you have to stop partying and doing this to yourself or we will no longer continue dating. Looking back I am sure it was hard for her to see someone she cared about wasting away.

I went to a bathroom in the house that was being renovated and stared at the mirror for a few minutes. I thought about how late it was and how I would even get home. I had work the next morning and there was no way in hell I could stay at this house. I said my goodbyes after a few chained smoked cigarettes and hit the road. Less than a quarter mile from the house a state trooper begins to tail me. I had already decided to take the back roads back to our house because I would panic taking the highway.

Amphetamines pumping through my veins I am checking my rearview mirror about every 5 seconds. That car followed me for about 15 minutes before it took a different turn. I have never in my entire life been afraid of everything falling apart. I envisioned countless scenarios in my head of what would happen once I saw those red and blue lights flicker in my rearview mirror. I thought about my privilege as a white woman and if that would be the only thing that saved me from getting a DUI and completely altering the course of my life. I cried when I pulled into my parking lot. I was shaking and chain-smoked a few more cigarettes before calming down enough to go inside. I cannot remember if I immediately woke Kelly up or not but we talked the next day and I explained everything. I told her that was the last time I was ever doing cocaine and that I needed her support. I apologized for being a complete mess but told her it was my responsibility to handle.

That was almost four years ago. It was right after we started dating. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about how incredibly lucky I am for never getting pulled over while under the influence. Especially in the summer of 2015 – when I was lonely as they come – I would stay up till sunrise because I had no choice. I would go to the prairie and watch as the sun came up and the fog began to lift. Some nights I would ride around town red-eyed smoking a cigarette to my favorite Lana Del Rey songs. Some occasions I rode around with the windows rolled down trying to recreate Ashley, Tessa, Maddie and I in Ashley’s red convertible singing Born To Die off-key. Some nights I wondered how different my life would be if I could just call Tessa. That was not an option though, because Tessa was dead.

I think sobriety has different levels for some people. I know for myself with smoking I had to slowly wean myself off of it. I never went cold turkey, there just came a day where I did not crave another cigarette it was wild. I dreamed about smoking for months after though. Let’s be honest here, cocaine was not my only vice – I loved to drink. When I was no longer popping Klonopin, Codeine, and every other pill designed to put you on your ass – I was still drinking heavily. It could never just be one drink. I am happy that my relationship with alcohol is completely different and no longer dependent.

I think that is why I could never do AA or NA because every time you relapse or have a sip of alcohol the shame that can come with that can be enough to send someone over the edge. The religious overtones make me want to gag. It works for some people I suppose. When I was doing a rehab program they asked me if I was still using drugs. In my streak of honesty I told them I was and they replied, “Why are you doing that?” I explained that I have a lot of trauma and especially going out can randomly trigger me because of my sexual assaults so I feel the need to dispose of those bad feelings. Lack any sort of empathy they replied, “If you continue to use drugs we will have to end your treatment.” I basically told the doctor that he was an asshole and told his assistant to read ‘Chasing The Scream’ because maybe then they would understand what it’s like to be a drug addict. I never went back and from then on I was essentially on my own but I was still in therapy.

I suppose the only part of AA or NA that I understand is steps 8 and 9. Step 8 is making a list of all the people you had harmed and become willing to make amends to them all. Step 9 is making direct amends to them all except if doing so would cause themselves or someone else harm. I did not realize the time spent groveling over making my mistakes and apologizing profusely was apart of my healing. I do believe I was overzealous in my attempts to apologize to others about my behavior. I think because I knew that wasn’t my real character it was hard to have someone with a different narrative in his or her head about me. However, I have done the work and it is none of my business what people think of me – especially after I have done my part to try and fix things. I do believe though sometimes when people still don’t accept you it can be a lesson. The whole purpose of apologizing was to be genuine in the first place and I was not doing someone a favor by making amends. I did feel at times my efforts were in vain but that was on me and my own struggle to work through. No one owes me anything.

The reason I bring up amends is because before I moved to Ireland someone wanted to see me before I left – to say goodbye. I did not have a friendship with this person because it was imperative to my relationship to have this person out of my life completely. We met up and they brought me my favorite iced drink from a coffee shop downtown.

She said to me that it had never occurred to her until I was leaving that she had never processed our relationship and everything that happened. It was a surreal feeling because I remember in the summer of 2015 & 2016 being heartbroken by this person and thinking it would never be okay. She said she could tell that I had put in the work and processed it and that’s why I was better off than she was. I knew she struggled with sobriety and the whole reason I met up with her was because I wanted her to know that I did not hate her.

I knew for myself when I wanted forgiveness and did not receive it – it completely devastated me. I am no saint but I knew how important it was for an addict to make amends so I made the effort to do so. I used to worry all the time my friend Ryan would text me that something happened to her. I told her that if anything ever happened to her I would be beside myself and that above all I forgave her for everything. I could tell there was a wave of relief.

I did a lot of fucked up things that I am not proud of. What I wouldn’t do to go back in time and prevent myself from hurting the people I cared about. I am sure this pandemic is quite lonesome and everyone is coming out of the woodworks. She messaged me, which was surprising because I had her blocked on everything – which I am sure other people have felt the same seeing my handle pop up on their screen.

She was concerned about me and I reassured her everything was fine. She was grateful for the reply and I guess in a way I was grateful to know she was still alive too.

When I first heard this song The Lumineers had not released the album yet. Kelly and I were swaying in the crowd and the lead singer explains his family member is a drug addict. He starts to strum his guitar while telling the backstory. The song is about their woes over the years trying to help this person and it not always going to plan. He has no idea where his homeless family member is. I think about myself being the tumultuous person in various people’s lives and my actions ripping them apart. I think about being in that diner when Tessa called to tell Ashley and I that her boyfriend was beating her. I think about planning my 21st birthday party and then Tessa who was supposed to be there was dead. The song played and I cried the entire time. After it was over I needed a minute and we walked to the next set. It is one of my favorite Lumineers songs of all time now.

The line, “Maybe when she’s dead and gone I’ll get some sleep.” Fuck. Gets me every time.

[dillie-bars]

All of them

Emo Trinity: Top 5 favorite bands?- uHhHhH Green Day, the smiths, interpol, tears for fears, Black Sabbath

Panic! At the Disco: Sexuality?- gay binch

Brendon Urie: Who do you look up to most?- no one

Ryan Ross: Do you miss anyone?- yee

Dallon Weekes: Play any instruments?- piano?

Jon Walker: Ever written a song?- no?

Spencer Smith: Who is your best friend?- ???

A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out: Favorite word?- FuCk

Pretty. Odd.: Ever smoked weed?- no 😤

Vices And Virtues: Favorite book?- wasted

Too Weird To Live, Too Rare to Die!: Where do you want to travel to if you could travel anywhere?- everywhere

Death of A Bachelor: Do you like parties?- yes but I’m never invited-

I Write Sins Not Tragedies: Ever been to a wedding? What was it like?- yeah I hate it cause my family is crazy and drunk an-

Northern Downpour: What are you most nostalgic for?- idk 80s music-

The Young Veins: Would you ever go on an impromptu road trip?- hu-

The Brobecks: Ever been in love?- 👋💦

Fall Out Boy: Do you like your hometown?”- no

Patrick Stump: Do you have any insecurities?-yeah???

Pete Wentz: Are you popular at school?-nope

Joe Trohman: Are you ever underappreciated?- yep

Andy Hurley: Is it easy to make you laugh?-eh depends

Take This To Your Grave: Do you hate anyone?-myself

From Under the Cork Tree: If you could relive any memory, which one would it be?- 🌚let’s not talk about that here

Infinity On High: Do you think anything is unnecessarily overrated?-yeah everything

Folie a Deux: What’s your favorite album?- idk

Soul Punk: Do you think there’s still good in the world?- eh some people I guess

Black Cards: Name your top three biggest regrets.- not being myself, not telling how I feel, and not trying

Damned Things: If you had a band, what would you name it?- idk the dumbfucks

Save Rock and Roll: What’s your “Adrenaline” song?-Literally any 80s pop

American Beauty/American Psycho: Have you ever met someone who wasn’t like they first seemed?- yep

M A N I A: If you could see into the future, how far would you look?- I would never

Sugar We’re Going Down: Describe your perfect first date.- literally anything I’m easy to please

What a Catch, Donnie: Would you trust anyone with your life?- maybe

My Chemical Romance: What’s your all time favorite concept album?- idk

Gerard Way: What’s your gender and/or preferred pronouns?- nonbinary I guess idk

Frank Iero: How many piercings do you have?- zero

Mikey Way: Do you like the way you look?- no!!! Not at all

Ray Toro: What’s your favorite time of day?- 4 am in the city

Bob Bryar: Does anyone hate you?- yes everyone duh

I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love: Favorite mythical creature?- idk fairy’s I guess

Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge: Ever wanted revenge on someone for something they did to you?- no

The Black Parade: Do you believe in the afterlife?- I’m skeptical

Danger Days: Friends or family?- friends

Welcome to the Black Parade: Are you okay?- no

Ghost of You: Name your top three favorite colors.- black, blue, purple

Vampire: Someone offers you a chance at immortality. Do you take it, and why or why not?-Yes I’m afraid to die

Werewolf: If you had to spend your life with just one person, who would it be?- 🌚🌚you

Witch: If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?- racism

Ghost: Do you have any regrets?- yes

Frankenstein: Is someone telling you how to live your life, or are you an independent person?-everyone tells me how to live my life and I hate it

Mummy: If you were to fall into an eternal sleep, do you think anyone would miss you?- no

Zombie: Do you miss anyone right now?- yes

Faerie: If you could get away with anything, what would you do?- idk

Nymph: What are you like when you’re by yourself?- myself tbh I dance I sing I drink I don’t act like that with other people really

Mermaid: How far would you go to keep the one you love?- as far as I have to

Shapeshifter: What would you change about yourself?- everything

Banshee: If you knew one of your loved ones/best friends had only one day left to live, how would you spend that last day with them?- crying holding them

Siren: If you could make anyone do anything, what would you make them do?- idk validate me

Genie: If you had one wish that would come true and couldn’t be reversed, what would you ask for?- shhhhh you don’t need to know that

Fury: What is a word/phrase that you dread to hear?- goodbye

Incubus: What would someone have to do to get in your pants?- actually love me and get me drunk probably cause I’d be too scared sober

Succubus: What’s one thing you can’t live without?- 🌚🌚

[italian-dressing-blog1]

200 things you put in my ask

I'm just gonna answer these because I'm bored 🌸 Copy and Paste this to answer these 200: My crush’s name is: Lucas
199: I was born in: America
198: I am really: Tired
197: My cellphone company is: StraightTalk (I don't have data rn)
196: My eye color is: Brown
195: My shoe size is: 9 
194: My ring size is: Idk
193: My height is: 5"3
192: I am allergic to: Nothing
191: My 1st car was: Don't have one
190: My 1st job was: Going to find one in December 
189: Last book you read: It Gets Worse: Shane Dawson
188: My bed is: Comfortable and Warm
187: My pet: I love him, he's my favorite (he's a 14 year old Dachshund)
186: My best friend: Is amazing
185: My favorite shampoo is: Pantene, turquoise DreamCare 
184: Xbox or ps3: Xbox
183: Piggy banks are: Emtpy
182: In my pockets: Always have headphones
181: On my calendar: Is pretty empty
180: Marriage is: Cool, and should be equal for everybody. Love is love 
179: Spongebob can: suck my dick
178: My mom: Gross
177: The last three songs I bought were?: Last Young Renegade (album), The Black Parade (album), and Vices and Virtues (album)
176: Last YouTube video watched: Tyler Oakley's entire channel
175: How many cousins do you have? Too many to count
174: Do you have any siblings? 2 older brothers, 1 younger
173: Are your parents divorced? No
172: Are you taller than your mom? No, but I'm taller than my dad
171: Do you play an instrument? The trumpet, and I want to play the piano
170: What did you do yesterday? Went to Point Sebago (lake resort) with my bf for a class field trip [ I Believe In ]
169: Love at first sight: Sure
168: Luck: No
167: Fate: No
166: Yourself: No
165: Aliens: Yes
164: Heaven: NO.
163: Hell: NO.
162: God: NO.
161: Horoscopes: yes
160: Soul mates: yes
159: Ghosts: yes
158: Gay Marriage: ofc 
157: War: yes
156: Orbs: no
155: Magic: no [ This or That ]
154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs
153: Drunk or High: High
152: Phone or Online: Online
151: Red heads or Black haired:
150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes
149: Hot or cold: Cold
148: Summer or winter: Winter
147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn
146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla
145: Night or Day: Night
144: Oranges or Apples: Apples
143: Curly or Straight hair: Straight
142: McDonalds or Burger King: McDonalds
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: White Chocolate
140: Mac or PC: Mac
139: Flip flops or high heals: Flip flops
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor 
137: Coke or Pepsi: Pepsi 
136: Hillary or Obama: Obama 
135: Burried or cremated: buried
134: Singing or Dancing: singing
133: Coach or Chanel: neither
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who
131: Small town or Big city: big city 
130: Wal-Mart or Target: target
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Adam Sandler 
128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure
127: East Coast or West Coast: east coast
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Halloween
125: Chocolate or Flowers: flowers
124: Disney or Six Flags: six flags 
123: Yankees or Red Sox: red sox [ Here’s What I Think About ]
122: War: world war 3 is coming soon
121: George Bush: caused 9/11
120: Gay Marriage: shouldn't be debated
119: The presidential election: gross
118: Abortion: pro-choice
117: MySpace: too old
116: Reality TV: okay sometimes
115: Parents:fucking hate them
114: Back stabbers: burn in hell
113: Ebay: cool 
112: Facebook: only use for messenger
111: Work: I need money
110: My Neighbors: don't talk to them
109: Gas Prices: too high
108: Designer Clothes: too expensive
107: College: need to go 
106: Sports: want to play soccer
105: My family: hate them
104: The future: hope it doesn't exist [ Last time I ]
103: Hugged someone: yesterday
102: Last time you ate: Thursday (it's Saturday)
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: today
100: Cried in front of someone: long time ago
99: Went to a movie theater: long time ago
98: Took a vacation: April 
97: Swam in a pool: April
96: Changed a diaper: haven't in a few years
95: Got my nails done: April 
94: Went to a wedding: 8 years ago
93: Broke a bone: 8 years ago
92: Got a peircing: haven't yet 
91: Broke the law:all the time😉jk
90: Texted: a few seconds ago [ MISC ]
89: Who makes you laugh the most: Lucas
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: free internet and shampoo
87: The last movie I saw: the rings
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: seeing Lucas on Monday
85: The thing im not looking forward to: graduation on Wednesday 84: People call me: by my last name
83: The most difficult thing to do is: talk to people
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never, don't have a license
81: My zodiac sign is: Sagittarius
80: The first person i talked to today was: Becca
79: First time you had a crush: 5th grade
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: best friends
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday 
76: Right now I am talking to: myself
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: play in an army band, become a doctor or a lawyer
74: I have/will get a job: in December 
73: Tomorrow: sleep and YouTube
72: Today: sleep and YouTube 
71: Next Summer: hang out with friends and sleep
70: Next Weekend: not doing much 
69: I have these pets: dachshund
68: The worst sound in the world: high pitched screaming
67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my parents
66: People that make you happy: Lucas, Brooklyn
65: Last time I cried: a long time ago
64: My friends are: Lucas, Brooklyn, Patrick, adara, Alyssa, lexi, becca, 
63: My computer is: non-existent 
62: My School: leaving middle school soon, and going to a boarding school for high school this upcoming year
61: My Car: don't have one
60: I lose all respect for people who: lie to me
59: The movie I cried at was: Forrest Gump 
58: Your hair color is: dark brown 
57: TV shows you watch: ahs, bates motel, OITNB, Shameless, the fosters
56: Favorite web site: Tumblr, YouTube
55: Your dream vacation:
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: losing friends, 
53: How do you like your steak cooked: I don't like steak 
52: My room is: semi-clean 
51: My favorite celebrity is: Shane Dawson, and Dan and Phil, and Brendon Urie
50: Where would you like to be: With my best friends
49: Do you want children:NO.
48: Ever been in love: yes
47: Who’s your best friend: Lucas, Brooklyn
46: More guy friends or girl friends: guys
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: Lucas, and YouTube
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Lucas
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: no?
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no
41: Have you pre-named your children:I don't want them 
40: Last person I got mad at: Becca
39: I would like to move to: far away from here
38: I wish I was a professional: musician or doctor [ My Favorites ] 
37: Candy: Swedish fish
36: Vehicle: Mercedes 
35: President: Obama ? Idk I don't like politics
34: State visited: Florida or Massachusetts 
33: Cellphone provider: straight talk
32: Athlete: idk
31: Actor: Shane Dawson
30: Actress: Shane Dawson
29: Singer: brendon Uris
28: Band: Panic! at the disco, 5sos
27: Clothing store: hot topic, zumiez
26: Grocery store: Walmart, target 
25: TV show: rn, Bates Motel
24: Movie: any horror movie directed by James Wan
23: Website: Tumblr, YouTube
22: Animal: penguin 
21: Theme park: Funtown Splashtown
20: Holiday: HALLOWEEN 
19: Sport to watch: idk 
18: Sport to play: soccer maybe?
17: Magazine: idk
16: Book: dear Evan Hansen 
15: Day of the week: Friday 
14: Beach: none of the above 
13: Concert attended: P!ATD
12: Thing to cook: idk
11: Food: idk
10: Restaurant: idk 
9: Radio station: Q97.9
8: Yankee candle scent: vanilla, or coconut 
7: Perfume: vanilla or coconut
6: Flower: hibiscus 
5: Color: black
4: Talk show host: Shane Dawson 
3: Comedian: Bo Burnham
2: Dog breed: Dachsund 
1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes